#‘so I recently got into anime-’ rejected

[diviedrawn]

WHY IS WRITING A PERSONAL STATEMENT SO HARD

ITS ONLY 5000 CHARACTERS IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT TO PUT A FEW PARAGRAPHS TOGETHER ABOUT MYSELF BUT I NEED IT TO SOUND PROFESSIONAL OH MY GOD WHY AM I STRUGGLING SO HARD

[genderkoolaid]

In 2014, the Gloucester county school board voted to ban Grimm, then 15, from using the boys’ bathrooms, even though he’d been living openly as a boy for months and using the restroom without incident. The policy turned deeply intimate facts of Grimm’s life into a media spectacle. With the ACLU, he sued to defend his rights to use facilities that matched his gender, launching a groundbreaking national case on bathroom access. Grimm became an LGBTQ+ icon, celebrated by Laverne Cox at the Grammys and interviewed by Whoopi Goldberg on The View. He eventually won a landmark federal decision asserting trans youth’s constitutional protections against discrimination. [...] And while Grimm became a civil rights trailblazer, the case did not secure him stability or financial security. The Pride parade invites have stopped coming, and like so many other marginalized trans people, Grimm has faced significant mental health challenges and struggles with poverty. He recently lost his housing, and is now facing homelessness. “I’m someone who has had worldwide visibility. I represent an outer crust of privilege most people will never see, and I cannot make ends meet no matter how hard I try,” he says. [...] Much of his family rejected him [after coming out], but many friends and teachers were supportive as he entered 10th grade as a boy and clearly more comfortable in his skin. He initially used a private nurse’s restroom, but it was inconveniently located; peers and staff noted his long bathroom breaks, leaving him alienated and humiliated. So the principal and guidance counselor agreed to let him use the boys’ restroom, and for two months, he had no issues. But gossip circulated outside school and on a community Facebook forum, where people posted vicious comments. Friends defending him online faced harassment. “It was the adults who made it a problem, because their mentality spread to their kids,” recalls Evelyn Hronec, another friend. “These were grown adults talking about a 16-year-old’s genitals. It was vile.” At school board meetings in 2014, speakers stood feet away from Grimm, misgendering him, asking questions about his body and transition, calling him names and demanding he be kept out of boys’ facilities in the name of “safety”. In one speech, Grimm pleaded for the opportunity to “use the restroom in peace”. When a man called him a “freak” and likened him to an animal, Deirdre lunged out of her seat, she recalls. “I was fighting for his life.” [...] In 2021, the supreme court allowed Grimm’s victory to stand, and the school board was ordered to pay $1.3m in attorney’s fees. Grimm, however, only got a symbolic $1. To secure damages, Grimm would’ve had to give the opposition’s lawyers access to his medical records to scrutinize the cause and extent of his emotional distress, a process he couldn’t stomach after years of fighting. The idea he’d have to prove his anguish was unbelievable to his mom, who can’t shake the memories of her son becoming suicidal. Grimm doesn’t regret moving on without damages. But he desperately could’ve used financial help – especially as the trauma of his childhood began to catch up with him.

[sabertoothwalrus]

so I’ve been gaining a lot of insight into the animation industry recently, especially in regards to pitching & the creation of new shows. There’s a few ways to go about it.

First, there’s pitching to a studio. When you pitch, it has to be SHORT and CONCISE. You may write a lovingly detailed pitch bible that perfectly breaks down episodes and characterizations, and it might barely even get read. First impressions, first impressions, first impressions!

Most peoples’ first projects don’t get picked up. I’ve heard a few stories from directors that said they tried pitching a story they’d had for years, which got rejected, to then spend a week or even several hours in their car coming up with a new idea, only for that to get greenlit.

But that’s not the end of it. Just because a show gets greenlit, doesn’t mean it will ever get finished. There’s lots of things that can happen. Sometimes, unexpected major world events (like… a global pandemic) can cause projects to get chopped. Sometimes, a CEO change or studio merge means a single person can decide a project “no longer fits with the company’s brand.” Sometimes, the one producer that was rooting for your project gets laid off, and no one else cares enough, so it gets shelved. Sometimes, a streaming service decides to create an animation department, and then they decide they don’t want it anymore. Sometimes, the studio will be simultaneously be developing another project that was too similar to yours and they just didn’t think to tell you until they decide yours is the one with less potential.

On top of that, almost everyone in the industry is saying that “studios just don’t pick up original content anymore.” Studios want something they can franchise, something that will bring in money. New content is risky. Established fanbases are safer.

However! Studios can still be a very good thing. They can be unionized. They can provide better benefits and resources. They can have connections and infrastructure and a larger volume of workers. At a studio, you can divide the labor and produce more in less time. Longer episodes, longer seasons, more consistency in quality.

But this comes with all of the disadvantages of having more in the kitchen.

The alternative is indie animation.

With indie animation, you have total freedom. Full artistic control. It doesn’t even matter if your idea sucks ass, because there’s no one to tell you you can’t make it. You could make it anyway, and you can make it whatever you wanted.

The thing is, making animation is hard. In my production class last semester, the average maximum animation one person could make in that timeframe was 30-60 seconds, and that’s not even counting background design, sound design, or cleanup/color. To make a 5 minute animated short, you should probably have at least 5 people.

And it is CRUCIAL you have a production manager. Ideally someone who’s not already doing art for the project. Most projects without a production manager will fall apart pretty quickly. Once the adrenaline and impulse-fueled motivation wears off, you need someone to hold you accountable and enforce deadlines and proper time management.

Speaking of time, that’s also hard to get. The more people you have, the more likely schedules won’t line up. Most people will have school, or other jobs.

And it costs MONEY!!!!!! You either have everyone work for free and volunteer their time & energy, or you establish a business as a proper indie studio, with people who may or may not have experience on how to handle paying someone else’s salary. And the money has to come from somewhere, so you have to rely on crowdfunding like patreon or kickstarter. (This, by the way, is why I could never fault an indie animation for releasing merch with their pilot.)

And like, maybe you wanna do a series, and all your friends agree to volunteer their labor and time to make the first episode, but it was unanimously not sustainable. Deciding not to produce a second episode until you can raise enough money is not being suddenly greedy, it’s attempting to compensate people rather than expecting them to be continuously taken advantage of.

You have to consider your output as well. There are some outliers like Worthikids, who afaik does all his animation himself, and afaik can work on it full-time thanks to his patreon subscribers. And he still has only produced a total of 30 minutes of animation (for Big Top Burger specifically) in the past 4 years. This is an IMPRESSIVE feat and this is with using a lot of 3D as part of his pipeline!!

Indie animation also has the complication of being more accessible for fandoms. When you’re posting your Official Canon Content on youtube, it doesn’t look a lot different than the fandom-created video essay in the sidebar next to it. What’s canon vs what’s fanon becomes less distinguishable. The boundaries are blurrier. When the creator is just some guy you follow on twitter, it’s easier to prod them for info regarding ships and theories and word-of-god confirmation. They don’t have a PR team or entire international tv networks to appeal to. And this is when creators get frustrated that their fans snowball and turn their creation into something they don’t recognize (and no longer enjoy) anymore.

So it’s tricky.

Thankfully, the threshold to learn animation is fairly low nowadays!! There are TONS of resources online to learn it on your own without forking over a couple hundred thousand to a private art college. There are conventions and discord servers and events where you can network, if you know where to look.

I know it can seem discouraging in the face of capitalism, but I think that’s all the more reason why it’s so important to BE DETERMINED about animation!! We’re already starting to see the beginning of an indie animation boom, and I think it’s a testament to humanity’s desire to tell stories and create art. Even if there’s no financial gain, we do whatever it takes to tell our stories anyway.

[themeraldee]

Hii can you do one where the reader rejects homelander because she’s married? He gets mad and obsessive??

Thank you for the ask! So originally I wasn't gonna do requests because I'm very particular about what strikes my fancy. But I'm nothing if not a people pleaser so your request got my head popping up with ideas as I've not really explored the 'loving someone to a fault' part of Homelander where things take a wild turn. So this is my humble attempt - hope you enjoy!

(Also I spat this out fairly quickly so it's not very well reviewed)

The Price of Love

[Masterlist]

18+ Only | 1.7k | Homelander x fem!Reader | Early Season 2. Voyeurism. Dark themes but nothing very specific. Homelander being his own warning. Mention of canon-level violence.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re married?!” Homelander sputters, caught totally off guard by your admission. His body language frazzled, his arms expressing confusion just as much as his words as his presence towers over you. 

You’ve been Ashley’s secretary for a few months now. At first he took no interest in the presence of yet another busybody without a name that was surely going to crack under the pressure and either leave or fuck up beyond repair resulting in your resignation. But no, you’ve proven yourself to be reliable, responsible and most importantly you’ve got a fucking spine in you. You don’t cower in fear, shake when you talk to him or let yourself get talked into a corner. He likes that. He really likes that. 

His preference for you has become so obvious that Ashley made you his go-to. Any news, good or bad, just went straight through you. And somehow, Homelander didn’t mind hearing that he dropped a point or two when it came from your lips.

That’s why he felt so blindsided by your outright rejection when he asked you out. What the fuck do you mean married?! 

“I mean I’m unavailable.” Homelander tightens his hand into a fist now that his arms fell back to rest next to his thighs. He hides the lapse of control behind his cape as he clasps both hands behind his back. At this point the pose has become a bit of a defense mechanism, nobody can touch or hurt him when he’s playing a hero. It’s a whole lot different when he pours his heart out to some fucking assistant just to get it stomped into the ground. 

“You’re not wearing a ring.” His tone is quiet, sharp. He nods his head towards the hand that’s currently clutching a stack of papers, the last thing you were meant to bring over before you clocked out. In Homelander’s eyes, it was the perfect time to ask you out. He’d take you out the same night. Michelin star restaurant, booked out just for the two of you. But no, you had to ruin his whole plan.

“I know, I’m sorry. I oftentimes leave it at home. I worry about it getting damaged or lost.” You clutch your papers closer to you, Homelander’s eyes lock onto your empty ring finger. It’s like you’re trying to hide it from him. The skin where your ring would be sat isn’t even smoothed out or marked in any way. So either it’s a recent marriage or you barely wear your ring as is. Homelander scoffs to himself, what kind of marriage is it if you’re not willing to shout about it from the rooftops. 

“I just—what? You’ve been fucking coming onto me for ages!” He wheezes out in part anger, part embarrassment. His eyes widen at first before squinting, his eyebrows furrowing with the action. In his head he replays all your interactions and he’s not fucking stupid. He’s the Homelander. There’s no one who can read people better than him.

“Sorry? I haven’t, or I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t trying to lead you on.” You take a step back. As much as this whole time Homelander’s been more than tolerating your presence, enjoying and looking forward to it even, now he’s acting like a whole kind of different animal. He takes one step in. Part of him relishes in the way your heart speeds up at the loud thud of his boot taking the one step closer to you. The other part of him doesn’t want you to be scared of him, just like you haven’t been this whole time, you’re meant to be his! 

He raises an eyebrow. 

“Lead me on?” 

“You know, make you think I’m interested when I’m not.” He nearly laughs. Not interested? Not fucking interested?! Give him a break. He might not have many experiences with the most genuine of relationships but he knows attraction when he sees one. He’s not stupid enough to mistake your professional kindness for attraction, it’s more than that. He’s sure of it. Your pulse still races anytime you’re in his vicinity, your pupils dilate, you smile all flustered and sweet when he pays you a compliment and there’s definitely times he’s managed to make you wet just by saying or doing the right thing. Someone who’s not interested wouldn’t be reacting like that. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose shaking his head. “Get out.” His voice rings loud and clear in the empty room. 

“Yes, sir. I’m really so sorry.” His teeth grind at the way you call him ‘sir’. A habit he’s weaned you off a long time ago. Yet there you go again, reverting back to factory settings as if you two didn’t have a whole load of history behind you. He watches you scamper off, the intrusive, violent part of him has an intense urge to laser you in half for making him feel this way.

But no, he knows there’s another way. First, he needs to get this energy out one way or another. And the last thing he wants to do is hurt you. 

Homelander waits till nightfall before flying around just to get his frustration out. First Madelyn, now you. What is it with women being dishonest with him! But no no no, you’re nothing like her. You do love him. You have to. He knows it. He can feel it. He just needs to nudge you in the right direction.

His thoughts get disrupted by a shrill scream coming from the alleyway below him. He pauses in the air, watching the situation with little initial interest. He lands on the building ledge where a man has a screaming woman pinned against the wall. He notices the light reflecting against the switchblade the criminal presses to her neck.

Well look at that, he can get his frustrations out and he’s gonna look like a hero. This night might just be turning around for him.

He leaves the bloody carnage behind, shaking some of the blood and viscera off his suit, bloody droplets hitting his boots instead. He’s so used to the copper tang of blood, at this point breathing it in is as natural to him as air. He’s just not particularly fond of the mess it creates.

But finally, after some physical relief, he grins to himself and with a clear head he can devise a plan on how to win you over. He’s the Homelander, who the fuck else could be more worthy of your love? 

Well… He’s about to find out.

Homelander takes off into the air, shooting up up up, until he finds a happy altitude where the air is just about getting thin, but more importantly where he’s unlikely to be recorded or photographed at this time of night.

He lands on the rooftop of the building opposite where you and your spouse reside. Bleugh. Your fucking spouse. Just the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He was being patient with you. Wanted to take it the traditional way. Just like normal humans you’d meet at work, get chatting, get comfortable and start dating. So he gave you the benefit of your privacy. Wanted to see you naked for the first time when you’d undress for him. All pretty and sensual, giving him a good show. Now it’s biting him in the ass. If he wasn’t so chivalrous with you he would have long known that he’d need to get rid of the obstacle before he’d even ask you out. 

He watches through the building walls. He needs to see who, or what, has you so whipped that you wouldn’t immediately offer to get divorced just to go on a date with him. At the very least it better be some good sex.

He scans your meager one bedroom apartment. Your spouse is sound asleep in your shared bed but you’re nowhere to be seen. It’s not even that late in the night. Wouldn’t happily married couples be fucking through the night like rabbits at this hour? 

He lights up when he lands on the sight of you in your bathroom. Finally, some fucking reward. It’s the least he deserves after all that he’s been through. You’re submerged in your bathtub, the water level hitting halfway up your chest. You have the most pleased expression on your face, pure delight as you rest your head against the rim of the tub, eyes closed all dreamy. 

Homelander palms the front of his pants, feeling his cock immediately fill out at finally getting glimpses of your naked self. It’s only then he notices that you’re not just relaxing. No. Your hand is holding the shower head right in between your legs, letting the water pressure light up all your sensitive nerves. 

Then it clicks. He grins like he hasn’t in a long while. The pure satisfaction of being right. You’re not satisfied. You can’t be. It’s obvious you desperately need to escape this situation. You need him. 

He carelessly unfastens his pants, surprising even himself that he doesn’t manage to rip them in half as he eagerly grips his hard cock. He strokes it harder than he ever has before, the blood on his glove just easing the glide of the harsh pace he sets himself. Homelander almost chokes on air as he watches you arch your back and whimper quietly, clearly hiding your little indulgent fantasy from your spouse. 

He wishes he could tell you it’s alright, your spouse is dead asleep. They won’t notice. They clearly don’t care. He does. And that’s all that matters, you have his attention. You have an audience of one. 

He doesn’t care what the reason is. There’s no reason in his book that would justify your spouse leaving you this dissatisfied that you have to get yourself off behind closed doors and not with their help. 

He’s so worked up, riding the roller coaster of wildly contrasting emotions, from heart-break to euphoria, that it doesn’t take long for him to feel breathless, panting as he strokes himself to the image of you all wet, pleasured and relaxed. What really does him in, unexpectedly is the whispering plea leaving your lips. ‘Homelander.’

And just like that he cums hard, not caring where his load ends up, his grin never leaving his face as he watches you reach your sweet, sweet release.

He has to have you.

[Part 2]

Taglist (you can add yourself to be notified anytime I publish a new Homelander story)

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> choi san x reader x jung wooyoung warning(s) -> abuse, mentions of physical health, cursing, etc. words -> 3K

abstract -> is readoption really a good idea...

y/n's perspective

I admit… I needed to get myself together. I should’ve when he broke up with me in the first place. Instead, I relied on working and even then I hit a brick wall. 

When I got San I had an idea for this novel. 

Hybrids who rebelled against society’s expectations. It made me think what if they fought to be equal without having to live like animals?

I was at another block, however… and even Wooyoung refused to see me again. 

So I was shocked when I heard from Kun that San wanted to speak with me. I was still looking for someone to take him but every look goes away when I say he was anything other than a green-coded hybrid.

He’s an exotic hybrid… and even then no one wanted to even meet him. 

Why? He’s such a pretty hybrid… I could only imagine how much more he would be if he was happy and healthy…

I soon heard the door open and I saw him. I knew he was a yellow code now but seeing him in a different uniform made me smile even if it was slightly. 

“Hello,” I said and he looked nervous. “Adopt Wooyoung,” he said. It threw me off… I’ve thought about it. Especially while being rejected by his owners.

With how I was recently I couldn’t take care of a hybrid after failing with San. “I don’t know if you know how he is… but he’s been in the medical wing for over a month now. He was happy when he smelled you on me when I first met him. Now… he’s like you” he said and I was confused. Like me?

“Lifeless eyes” he muttered. Was that how I looked? Wonyoung compared me to a zombie while Johnny said I look like the trauma patients he sees daily. Yuta even compared me to heartbroken teenagers wanting a tattoo for the first time. 

He, however, saw me as lifeless. Maybe that's the more accurate one…

“Please” he pleaded and I didn’t know if I could. “If it isn’t too much to ask…” He wandered… he looked nervous to ask me. 

“I want you to adopt me again too,” he said and I was shocked. He wanted me to adopt him again? “San, if you want to be home with Wooyoung, I'll look for someone to take you both–” even though I knew that would be near impossible “--I’ll make sure the two of you are together,” I said and he shook his head. 

“I want… I want you to make me happy” he said, bringing my broken promise again. “I don’t think I can–” “You can! Please” he pleaded and I saw how much healthier he looked. I knew his behavior was better. 

“San, I don’t want you to be unhappy in my home. You lasted two days… I don’t think I'm a good person to help–” “No one else ever will. I admit I don’t like humans… I don’t trust you. You did however try…” he said.

I looked at Renjun who was by the door. He smiled softly.  “Kun agrees,” he said and I sighed. I smiled softly. 

“Then, I'll make sure to change your mind, San. Not all humans are bad!” 

san's perspective

I wasn’t in favor of being domesticated… trusting someone who could very well end up killing me one day. It was better than living in a cage… or was it?

I’m basically leaving behind the metal bars for luxurious walls. 

I’ll truly be a pet now…

She smiled softly but her eyes showed anxiety. They shook slightly… it didn’t seem like she was scared of me. So what was she scared of?

We were now waiting for the fox to come out. She wouldn’t stop bouncing her leg as we waited in silence. Almost a suffocating silence. 

“y/n-nie!!” I heard a yell as we stood up and he ran up to her. Easily picked her up and swung her as he held her tight. She was surprised but laughed. She eased up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry they abandoned you, Woo,” she said as she rubbed his back and buried her face in his shoulders. His smile turned soft instead of an excited grin. 

“You’ll be better than them!” he exclaimed. 

“I’ll try my best,” she said and he chuckled. “You already are!” he said. These two were close… Why did I choose again to help the fox?

“Wooyoung, you’ve met San right?” she asked as he put her down and smiled at me. “He’s my new best friend!!” he said… I did not agree with that.

“Let’s go home,” she said. Home? I guess it was the closest I'll ever get.

We got back to the place. It was the same…

“Woah!! It's a big upgrade from your old place!!” Wooyoung said. “Mhmm! Oohh, you guys can have your own room. I know San wouldn’t feel comfortable maybe?” she suggested and we nodded. I did not want to share with the hyper fur ball. 

“I still don’t understand why they left you there,” she said and he smiled softly. “Well, they didn't… They left me at the Seoul Hybrid Adoption Center. I was too much for them to handle so they took me for treatment to the kennel” he said with his ears down. 

He was in the same place I was. 

“I did meet this doberman!! He was so cool, I kinda miss him. For sure he got adopted though!!” he yelled. Just how loud was he…

“y/n-nie!!” he said, grabbing her attention. “Are you any better?” he asked and she smiled softly. “I’m getting there,” she said. Better from what?

“Go get situated!  Oh, and San the bags are still in your room so you can choose anything you want. Wooyoung I’ll get you some more clothes soon” she said as she went to her room. 

“She got you clothes?” he asked and I nodded. “What did you mean by better?” I asked and he sighed. “She’s… a lonely kid,” he said sadly. 

Lonely?

“Her parents don’t really give her any attention. They just give her money to survive… She disappointed them by becoming a writer. I remember her sobs at the old apartment. She was just in high school and she lived by herself. She had no one to take care of her when she was sick or to come back with warm food. She could barely even cook herself” he said.

The trust fund kid was lonely…

I promised Wooyoung I'd make them happy. Y/n still didn't have my trust nor did he but I wanted to protect her.

“There was this really bad time she came back completely drenched in rain crying outside her door. She came back from school after her activities… Did you know she was a student council president? Ooh!! She was also the president of the yearbook in her class–" "You're getting distracted” I cut off. He really knew a lot about her and talked in admiration. 

“Oh… yeah. She came back and it was a heavy rain alert that day. She came back very late and luckily nothing bad happened to her. But she forgot her key inside and the services of the apartment were closed for how late it was. She cried so much the next day that her eyes were red and her cheeks puffy. My owner wasn't home so I talked to her. She didn't want my help but I helped break into her apartment and made her warm food.-- '' he said. I could see his worry.

“--she barely even kept food in her fridge. She had a huge fever that night so I stayed over to take care of her. When I told my owner they called her parents but they didn’t really care. They called her later scolding her for being careless with her health and not even her mother came to see her” he said and I felt a little bad. 

A kid in high school? She would’ve been young… she must've felt… abandoned.

“She would always go out with friends but come back only to cry. I could never understand it. She told me she felt lonely. She had no one despite having friends who took care of her. She would always lie to them.” he said and I sighed. 

“They had to have known,” I said and he nodded. “Her closest friends are Wonyoung, Chenle, and Shotaro. She has a lot of friends but… she never seems to ever be happy” he explained. 

I’ve heard of Shotaro… and I've seen Wonyoung. Who was Chenle?

“I didn’t know she knew Kun or any of them in the facility,” he explained. “She won’t feel lonely though!!” he exclaimed and I was curious about how things would play out. 

“Not with us around. You’ll also fulfill your promise!” he explained. I nodded as I followed him to the hall of our rooms. 

Someone who is left alone in their own thoughts… Was that someone who could be trusted?

What Wooyoung said didn’t make sense. She seemed happy… livelier around him. I did notice she had pathetic attempts at cooking, and she was busier recently. 

She didn’t seem lonely.

“Do you have to go out tonight?” Wooyoung asked her and she only smiled. “I do. Wonyoung has been restless recently. She’s having me go to this party tonight” she said and I almost scoffed at her excuse. 

Trust fund kid… yeah right, she wasn’t lonely. She was probably only bored. 

Probably get bored of me.

“You have San to keep you company okay?” she said and I realized how she was dressed. In a designer dress, jewelry is probably as expensive as a house.

“She’s really pretty” he muttered to himself as the elevator closed and she waved us goodbye. “Get a grip. She’s a human” I said and he sighed. “I know… but how can I help myself, when I've had this crush for years now?” he asked and I sighed. 

The fox was wrapped around her pinky…

“I’m gonna start cooking for us!” he said changing the subject. He started becoming the chef of the apartment which y/n allows. He even ordered groceries with recipes he wanted to try out. She’s even gotten him a collection of recipe books. 

I was going back to my room when I noticed her room was open. 

I decided to go inside… I never saw her room. It had a mountain of clothes on her bed and a bunch of shoes on the floor. 

What caught my attention was the bunch of papers… I picked one up. It was a story… I saw on the pile the title was ‘Circus’

“Get a grip, Kyong! Humans are nothing but monsters. They’ll only eventually hurt us. We need to escape this hell hole!” he yelled in desperation.  Young had enough of entertaining people whilst he got hurt, punished, berated, and so much more.  “But how? We would never survive out there Yong”  Kyong said as he tried to soothe the burning sensation on his arms from his punishment earlier.  “Then we’ll die trying. I think it's time hybrids created a revolution–

She was a writer. 

She was also human… not an experiment gone wrong decades ago to be made as a pet. 

Yet, how did she know how hybrids viewed humans? The inner desire to live freely but can’t because of survival.

I don’t how long I was here but I heard Wooyoung screaming my name.

I left her room bewildered and curious. 

“Foods ready!” He said and I smiled. “Hey, Wooyoung? You mentioned once she was a writer?” I asked and he nodded.

“She mentioned wanting to study journalism. I wonder if she did… I remember my old owners buying newspapers and I even saw her name! And then one day I saw her book on the shelves!!” He said proud, almost like her number one fan.

“I convinced them to get me her books… I only ever read two of them. One of them is about hybrids and humans hunting each other, the other is about a bunch of short stories in one book. Different stories on different news stories of abuse on hybrids” he said.

She wrote mainly on hybrids…

“She’s known as a hybrid activist,” he explained. “Then why would she adopt us? Wouldn’t that be out of her morality?” I asked confused and he shook his head.

“I asked her one day if she ever thought of adoption. She said yeah… but only if it were to help a hybrid out and if she was in a good position to care for one” he explained.

She did help me…

We ate as Wooyoung kept talking about y/n… he knew so much about her despite not seeing her for years. “Oh there was also this one time she… uhm San?” he asked and I waited for him to ask what he wanted. 

“Shouldn’t she already be back? It's pretty late” he said and I noticed it was dark out now. Where was she?

“Is she gonna be okay?” Wooyoung asked me but I didn’t know. At least an hour passed when we heard the elevator. “y/n!!” Wooyoung yelled hopefully.

It was a man with y/n on his shoulder. She was drunk…

“Hello… unfortunately y/n here is drunk,” he said and she giggled. “I’m not drunk!” she said, clearly drunk. 

“I’ll take her!” Wooyoung said and the guy almost looked reluctant. “Be careful with her okay? She’s had a long night” he said as he carefully placed her on Wooyoung’s back and I noticed she had a jacket around her waist covering her. 

Were they together? 

“Please take good care of her” he asked and we nodded as we walked to her room. “Why’d you take so long y/n?” Wooyoung asked and she hummed. “I already told you. My hybrids hate me… I doubt they’d want me back so soon” she muttered and Wooyoung and I shared a look. 

“What makes you think that?” he asked. 

“San, did I mention he was pretty? He almost looks like one of those hybrids you’ll see in modeling… maybe even those influencer stars. I… wanna find him a good home…” she said and I felt myself freeze… find me a home?

“What? But… What about me?” Wooyoung asked… “You said you couldn’t take care of hybrids… you’re always in your shop anyway to care for them, Yuta,” she said… she must've mistaken him for the guy who brought her here. 

“What about the fox?” I asked and he smiled softly. “He’s just like I remember… but I don’t think I can separate the two. Even as much as I missed Woo’s comfort” she said and I didn’t want to leave. 

“What if San doesn’t want to leave?” I asked and she sighed. “There's no way he wants to stay… he’s only there for Wooyoung. He forced himself to even greet me… he even flinches when I enter the room,” she said. 

“You should get some rest,” Wooyoung said and she nodded. “I’ll miss them…” she said as she curled up on her bed and we heard her change her breathing. 

“We should watch over her to make sure she’s okay,” Wooyoung said and I nodded.  “I don’t want to leave this place,” I said and he looked at me shocked. 

“Why are you surprised?” I asked and he shook his head. “It's just that… well you do immediately shift when she enters a room. You change your posture… you become almost submissive. It's like you're trying to be an obedient hybrid” he explained… 

“It just seems like you aren’t comfortable here…” he explained and I sighed. “I don’t think I've felt comfortable in years, Wooyoung,” I said and he sighed. 

“Do you think she’ll actually give us away?” he asked and I felt panicked at the thought.

“I really hope not” 

y/n's perspective

Waking up a hangover isn’t something anyone enjoys. 

“Oh! You’re awake!” Wooyoung said excited like he always does… I couldn’t be mad at his happiness. “Wooyoung try being a little more calm. Her head probably hurts” I heard San? 

“Ah, sorry. Here you should drink this” he said as he gave me a cup of what I assumed to be the hangover solution I keep in the kitchen. 

“I also have breakfast ready,” Wooyoung said and I nodded. “Let me get out of yesterday’s clothes,” I said and he nodded. 

I got out of the dress I was in and washed off the makeup I had on. I put on more comfortable clothes for the day.

I now find myself in the kitchen where I see my two hybrids waiting for me. “You shouldn’t get out so late like that. We were worried” Wooyoung said and I was shocked. 

They were worried for me? “Oh… I'm sorry” I apologized. 

“y/n?” San asked and I looked at him confused. “I wanna thank you for everything,” he said as he bowed. “What? San–” he soon even got down on his knees confusing me as to why he was suddenly doing this.

“I don’t remember the last time a human offered me the kindness you have. Please, just give me time to get used to this new lifestyle. I wanna give being a pet a chance” he said and I was confused as to what got in his head. 

“San you aren’t a pet to me,” I said and his ears twitched. “The both of you aren’t pets… I told you when I first adopted you. All I wanted is a companion” I said and he sat up to look up at me. 

“A companion?” he asked and I nodded. “A friend… I don’t expect anything in return. I promise” I said and he nodded. I soon felt a tight grip around me. I felt the familiar warmth that often comforted me years ago. 

“Please don’t get rid of us!” Wooyoung yelled and I petted his head. “I promise,” I said… maybe I mentioned what I was thinking yesterday. I looked at San who only stared… I stretched out a hand to him, silently telling him to join us. 

He hugged me and Wooyoung tightly as well. 

“I promised to make you happy… and I extend that to you too, Wooyoung”

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

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[anthurak]

I’ve been thinking recently about how a key aspect of Steven Universe is that Steven is placed in the narrative position of what might normally be filled by a standard fantasy-hero-shounen-protagonist-guy, while EVERYTHING about Steven as a character is all about going in basically the exact OPPOSITE direction of that archetype. To the point where the one time he actually TRIES acting like some typical shounen-protag to solve his problems in Future, it’s presented as this gross, twisted perversion of his character that goes horribly, HORRIBLY wrong. Basically, the show makes it clear that Steven trying to act like your standard ‘cool, badass anime hero guy’ is very much a BAD and WRONG thing. Like in anime terms, Steven is essentially a Magical Girl placed in a position that was meant for a Shounen Hero. Or in a more specific reference building off of the show’s numerous references to Dragon Ball Z, Steven essentially represents a take on Gohan who’s kindness and pacifism are ultimately allowed to be presented and emphasized as a strength rather than a weakness.

Yet the flipside of all this is that even in their few appearances, has anyone else noticed that Stevonnie shows quite a few of these ‘cool, badass anime hero guy’ traits? They have a cool sword, they race cars, they fight space battles in a starfighter, they get badass fight scenes like getting to 1v1 Jasper and get to say cool one-liners. And the funny thing is, NONE of these are ever presented as somehow ‘wrong’ for the character. Heck, going off of the same references to Dragon Ball Z, Stevonnie has a bunch of design similarities to Future Trunks of all characters, one of THE iconic ‘cool, badass anime hero guys’.

And I think that’s really interesting.

Like in-universe, it says some interesting things about how Fusion works. That Steven himself trying to act like a cool, badass anime hero guy is a BAD thing because it leads him to start rejecting many of the core aspects of who he is as a person, namely his kindness and empathy.

Whereas Stevonnie is their OWN person, distinct from Steven and can exhibit these traits just fine because they clearly got them from Connie. They clearly haven’t abandoned or rejected any of the core aspects of Steven such as his kindness and empathy, they just ALSO have all this other stuff from Connie as well and can exhibit these traits without actually losing anything. They are after all, everything from Steven and Connie and more.

And narratively, I think it makes for a fun inversion. Steven represents this big subversive take on the typical fantasy hero archetype by being this young BOY with a big, heroic destiny who is defined by his kindness, empathy, emotions, a general disdain for solving problems through fighting and generally rejecting the typical ‘cool, badass, anime hero guy’ traits.

So it’s actually rather fitting that it is the non-binary, intersex, very-much-NOT-cisgender-male, fusion Stevonnie who ends up getting to do more traditional ‘cool, badass, anime hero guy’ stuff. Who in turn got much of those traits NOT from Steven, but from his best-friend/partner/girlfriend Connie.

And I just think that’s pretty cool, you know? Particularly when imagining a permafused Stevonnie. Like I think its fun to imagine an alternate take on the later seasons of the show, or just post-series, with a permafused Stevonnie doing more traditional anime-protagonist stuff that would otherwise feel out of place with Steven, but doesn’t feel out of place with them.

For example, Steven never went through any kind of big ‘training arc’ like so many anime heroes because that just doesn’t fit who he is. Steven is not a ‘fighter’, he always tries to talk things out before things turn to combat. So it makes sense that he wouldn’t directly pursue training to become a better fighter on his own.

But Connie DID. And of course that wasn’t presented in and of itself a bad thing. Which as an aside, is interesting for Steven as his joining was more to support Connie rather being presented as something he needed to do himself.

And speaking of fighting, this is another place where the differences between Steven and Connie make Stevonnie in turn all the more INTERESTING. Because whereas Steven isn’t a fighter, Connie very much IS. The symbolic sword to Steven’s shield.

Now where this gets interesting is that in practice, Connie generally follows Steven’s lead. We see a number of instances wherein Connie likely wants to or even is full-on about to launch into a fight, but backs down because Steven wants to talk things out. Connie may be a fighter, but she also generally defers to Steven.

But what happens when these two aspects are coexisting in the same person? What happens when Connie’s preference towards fighting isn’t deferring to Steven’s preference towards non-violence, but is rather exhibited right alongside it? And because of that is seen by Stevonnie as a much more valid option?

What does Stevonnie’s response to conflict look like when they’re much more of a fighter like Connie, while still retaining Steven’s intrinsic kindness and empathy?

Personally, I imagine Stevonnie actually being a fair bit like Ruby Rose, ie; someone who often tries to talk things out, while also not hesitating to jump into a fight if people aren’t willing to negotiate. Perhaps even reading the situation/people enough to get a preemptive strike off.

And all that is just one aspect of what I think makes Stevonnie so compelling as a character.

[owlobservation]

Itoshi Rin Profile from Egoist Bible Vol.2 (2024)

"I'll defeat Itoshi Sae and carve my name into the world. This is my story!"

Team: Bluelock Eleven

Position: Central Forward (CF)

Weapons: Kicking accuracy, technique, tactical vision, physical ability.

Birthdate: September 9th.

Age: 16 (First year high school)

Zodiac sign: Virgo.

Birthplace: Kanagawa Prefecture (Kamakura City)

Family structure: Father, mother, older brother, himself.

Height: 186 cm.

Foot size: 27.5 cm.

Blood type: A.

Dominant foot: Right.

Favorite soccer player: David Beckham. "I respect his kicks."

Age started playing soccer: For as long as I can remember. "I grew up watching my big brother play."

Motto: “The field is a battlefield”, “Tepid” (habit)

Strengths: I can play soccer. “Anything else doesn’t matter.”

Weaknesses: Unfriendly. “If you don’t like it then don’t bother me.”

Favorite food: Ochazuke. “Especially sea bream chazuke.”

Disliked food: Vinegared dish. “I don’t like sour things.”

Best rice accompaniment: Tuna. “Soy sauce and wasabi combo is the winner. No objection.”

Hobbies: Getting the chills from horror games and horror movies.

Favorite season: Autumn. “I like it when it’s a bit chilly.”

Favorite music: King Gnu in general. “Especially Prayer X.”

Favorite movie: Horror movie in general. “Especially The Shining.”

Favorite manga: Dragon Head and Ciguatera.

Character color: Turquoise Blue.

Favorite animal: Owl. “I’m fascinated by them. I think it’s the eyes.”

Best subjects: Physical Education, Art.

Weak subjects: Calligraphy. “I hate having to write exactly as I’m taught.”

What makes you happy: I don’t know.

What makes you sad: When someone is better at soccer than me. “So far it’s only my big brother.”

Last year’s valentine day chocolates: I don’t remember because I rejected and returned all of them.

Sleep time: 7,5 hours.

Where do you wash first in the bath?: The eyes with warm water

What do you like to buy at the convenient store?: Eye masks that warm the eyes.

Mushroom or Bamboo Shoots?: Mushroom.

What made you cry recently?: I don’t cry.

At what age did you stop receiving presents from Santa?: 8 years old. “When my big brother stopped getting them I followed him and stopped getting them too… Truthfully, I still wanted them.”

What did you ask for a Christmas present from Santa?: The same cleats as my big brother.

What would you do on your last day on earth?: Fight my big brother.

What would you do if you received 100 million yen:? Place a bet on a single number in Roulette*.

What do you do on your days off?: Immerse myself in horror games or horror movies.

What would you be doing if you hadn’t discovered soccer?: Can’t imagine. I’d probably be dead?

Who is your favorite historical figure?: Oda Nobunaga. The guy who unified the whole country gotta be crazy.

If you could only bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be?: A soccer ball. To help me remember all the emotions.

Where would you go if you had a time machine, to the past or the future?: The future. I want to know how this revenge ends. If I win, that's fine, but if I lose, then I’ll do everything in my power to change that future.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rin's attachment to Sae lurks deep in his heart

Ever since he was young, Rin looked up to his older brother Sae and dreamed of becoming the world’s best together. However, when Sae returned from Spain, Rin was coldly pushed away** and he began to hate his older brother for ruining his life.

Rejecting his allies and unleashing "Darkness"

Rin chose to fight Sae by himself, completely refusing teamwork with Blue Lock. Exposing his true nature, he attacked his nemesis, Sae.

A day at Blue Lock, just before the match with U-20 Japan National Team

"When I woke up this morning, my left lower eyelashes had curled up, they got into my eye and it hurt. It happens sometimes, right? Lower eyelashes get all tangled up when you sleep. Eh? Just me? But big brother said it happens to him... Ah, don't remind me of that guy. This is the worst way to wake up."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rin's Ranking on "Best 3 of Everything: Players seriously voted each!"

1. Ranked #1 The Least Likely To Succeed As Coach.

Isagi’s commentary: “I think the team would be in utter chaos.”

2. Ranked #1 The Strongest Supernatural Sense***

Rin’s commentary: "Huh?  I don’t have a supernatural sense. I just like horrors. I was told that I was possessed by 200 vengeful spirits, though."

3. Ranked #1 The Worst Listener

Bachira’s commentary: "He’s the guy who only responds with 'I’ll kill you'. I like it though!"

4. Ranked #1 The Worst Luck

Nagi’s commentary: "Maybe Rin. Seems like he pulled the worst older brother gacha. But if his big brother is Itoshi Sae, I guess he’s lucky too.

5. Ranked #2 Least Loveliest Smile 

6. Ranked #2 The Least Family-oriented Person

Isagi’s commentary: "If you look at those two, you would assume so. But if they really hate each other… It means that they also think about each other."

7. Ranked #2 Longest Eyelashes

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes:

*In Roulette, betting on a single number is called a "straight up bet". It's the riskiest bet, but if you win the 35:1 payout will be very rewarding. (Highest-risk, Highest-reward).

**They used this to describe what happened to Rin: 冷たく突き放された (Tsumetaku Tsukihanasareta), it means he was coldly pushed away or coldly abandoned (or forsaken). Please check my notes on Sae’s profile page, because there is a connection!

***The question was 「霊感が強いのは?」 -Who has the strongest 'Reikan'? 霊感 Reikan is an ability to sense the supernatural (like spirits, ghosts, demons, etc). People who have this are said to be very sensitive, they can feel or even 'see' the supernatural while others can't!

On his profile, Rin referred to Sae as "兄ちゃん niichan". So yes, all the "big brother" mentioned by Rin here are originally "niichan" in Japanese.

Check Rin's profile from the first volume of Egoist Bible here!

[twelvemonkeyswere]

Brienne and Femininity (and Masculinity)

I’ve been musing how one of the most important topics in Brienne's storyline is femininity, and even though her story isn't finished, we can fairly see what some of her major themes are around this—particularly, how performing or failing at performing femininity affects her both internally and externally.

Often I see people pointing out that, in spite of all of Brienne’s traditionally masculine ways—her clothes, her skill set, her body shape, to name a few—she does not fully reject femininity. That she likes little cute animals and fairy tales and wears dresses, and is shy and blushes frequently. This is an important point because, very often, fantasy settings made the assumption that a woman can only be taken seriously if she goes beyond “her womanhood” and acts and thinks “like a man,” as opposed to other girls who are too busy mending or wanting romance. Brienne challenges those tendencies that GRRM saw in his contemporaries. Things have changed a lot since (hello The Locked Tomb, for example), but you can still see where he is working from, and how many of the aspects of Brienne's story still resonate with more modern audiences because, well, sexism hasn't stopped existing. It's also important because the larger asoiaf and got fandoms often refuse to see this side of her, reducing her to a walking sword or a cardboard cut out of a pushover.

Now, my main issue here is that I feel several interpretations of Brienne have now gone on the other direction, and focus so much on Brienne PERFORMING traditional femininity—wearing luxurious dresses, using make up, accepting lavishing gifts, or wondering if she can be desired, for example—that we've gone sometimes on the opposite direction. I feel like many times we’re afraid or do not know how to approach characterizing her as someone who rejects aspects of femininity without making her into another “not like other girls” stereotype.

My two cents on the matter is that if we focus too much in what Brienne can't but "wants" to perform, we forget that she is, in fact, gladly rejecting some common impositions of femininity in her society.

Beginning with swordplay at a young age, for example, she was very glad to ditch a more traditional education in order to learn how to fight the way we know men are taught in asoiaf/got. She is also explicitly more comfortable in men's clothes. We all like the scene where Jaime makes an effort to give her a dress and she appreciates it, but we don't even find out what happened to the dress, because, presumably, the dress itself is not THAT important, at least not as much as the fact Jaime gave her gifts as a form of appreciation. Dresses have been used in Brienne's past to mock her (the event with the bear being the most recent one), and the important part is that Jaime is the only one who has given her one without that ulterior motive. The point of the scene is that where everyone undermines and underestimates her, he is acting the opposite way. We’re seeing how the relationship between them has evolved and that he is doing his best to mend what has happened and what he has done. She is given a dress and a sword as symbols that someone else in the story is beginning to appreciate her for all she is.

Beyond that, we even get details on the old shield Brienne got at Harrenhal, but not a word about the dress. Brienne explicitly doesn't really like being in dresses, she prefers mail and breeches, and feels more at ease in them than anything else. This is not her hating dresses because she is above them. I can’t remember well but as far as we know it’s just her preference: I don’t recall her saying she hates dresses, just that she prefers trousers. She must have been wearing dresses her whole life! It’s not likely she is unused to them. But we do know the act of being given a dress is important in Brienne’s story. The problem is not that they can’t make dresses for her, the problem is that everyone who forces her to wear a dress wants to signal how lacking she is as a woman, trying to fit her in a box too small for her real shape and then mocking her because she doesn’t meet their standard. The problem is they want to make her uncomfortable and they want to humiliate her, because she dares to exist in a way that doesn’t conform to patriarchal ideals. And the problem is that she likes to wear trousers and mail. She likes to wear masculine clothes, and they want her to be very aware of how much they disapprove.

And we also hear a great deal about marrying and having children out of duty. There's a certain loss she feels there because she believes that, at that point, all those missed opportunities will never present themselves again. All her life, she grew up with a dichotomy that dictated that the chance of having a family or children was through duty or none at all, because she is her father’s heir and—they kept telling her—nobody would want an ugly, masculine, temperamental girl as a wife. They could only want her for the money she brought. The point of the story is that, once again, failing the standards of femininity has forced her into a mentality where she thinks she can’t be loved because nobody would like who and what she is. But even then, even with that thorn in her mind, she still feels relieved she didn't have to perform these particular duties. The only thing she’s sad about is that she thinks she's missed any chance at having a family at all and will never know what that might be like. She doesn’t actively want babies or even to be married. She is still young, and at least to me, she seems to view these things in hypothetical rather than explicit goals or wants. She thinks that, at 20, there is no opportunity for her to experience these things because of how her society works. It’s the lack of choice that she mourns, down the line. But she rejects that particularly role that femininity imposes on her now. She didn’t want it, and she is happy it didn’t go through. She literally fought an old man to prove how much she didn’t want those impositions.

All this is interesting to me because Brienne also sort of thinks of herself as her father's son as well as her father's daughter. It almost slips her mouth once or twice. She is aware, I think, that many times the differences between a son and a daughter boil down not really to gender but to the sort of duty they perform. And she wants to do the sorts of things sons do, too. Men regularly learned to fight and wore the clothes she liked best and used hard-earned skills in a way she wanted to use them. There are layers to this (we’ll get to that in a bit) but she is, I think, very aware of her masculinity, and, if left to her own devices, she seems comfortable in it. The problem is she is NOT left to her own devices.

Most of Brienne's self doubt comes from outside forces. As a woman, they underestimate her. As a woman, they think she is stupid. As a gender non-conforming woman, every jape uttered goes directly to her womanhood. As a woman, if she looks the way she does and dresses the way she does and fights the way she does, when she expresses any vulnerable emotion, any shred of “femininity,” she is mocked for it. She likes dancing and beautiful things and pretty boys but a woman as masculine as she is is not the sort of person who gets to express those preferences without judgment from those around her.

The point is Brienne’s world wants her miserable either way: being unable to be a woman the way they demand of her, because she is too much “like a man” for it, or being unable to be a man, because she is too much a woman for that. The point is she can’t win regardless of what she does. Because that’s how sexism works.

But Brienne’s story is, I think, one about choices. The thing is that the world makes it harder for her, but she shouldn't have to be one thing or the other. She shouldn’t have to be defined by one or the other. If she wants to fight in the mud and smell roses and wear chain-mail and talk to charming men, she should be able to choose all of those things. I think it’s easy to focus too much in what aspects of femininity Brienne likes or dislikes instead of looking at what the story is proposing, which is to look at what Brienne,as a person, likes or dislikes. What she wants. Her parallel story to Jaime is about how the world will always try to put folks in boxes, especially those who, for some reason or another, do not easily fit in those boxes. The question is not “what feminine/masculine parts of Brienne is she happy performing” but rather “what does Brienne want, and why does she feel like she cannot get it and doesn't dare ask.”

This is also what drives her to servitude. There’s a phrase out there that says that if you don’t think you can be liked, you try to become useful, so at least there’s a reason to keep you around. It’s heartbreaking to see how Brienne’s vision of herself has been so skewed by the emotional abuse, parental neglect, and bullying she’s experienced since a young age. She doesn’t think anyone will grow close to her, so at least she can be close to people by serving them. She wants to put her skills to use, she wants to find a place where she fits, where she can be more herself, but she isn’t sure what that looks like or how to find it. She’s still searching, and learning many things on the way.

And Brienne is still very young. We can see her confidence growing and her worldview challenged and she is beginning to see the realities of herself and of the world around her through various trials by fire. Misogyny makes her feel incomplete, but we know the things she trusts about herself while simultaneously seeing the way she constantly doubts others. How she can't never express all of herself without constant judgment or mockery.

I feel like yes, the fact Brienne doesn't reject all traditional femininity is really important to her themes, but by extension, it's as important that shedoes reject some of those traditional expressions of femininity. What she is truly rejecting is imposition, not femininity. What she truly needs to embrace is freedom, not masculinity. She's making her own vows, breaking her own promises, going through her own mistakes. She is learning the hard way. Agency in a world of limited choices is one of Brienne's main themes too. There are moral issues that go deep within her story as well as examinations of the effects of war and the struggle to find authenticity and connection in a community that refuses to acknowledge yours, a community drenched in pretense and lost in performance.

And I think it’s easy to get too caught up in her wanting to be a girlfriend or a mother or wearing a dress that we bypass the whole conversation around why that matters at all. I feel like Brienne's success isn't going to come from her fully embracing all her feminine traits or fully accepting all her masculine traits but from being able, down the line, to be exactly who she is.

[kabutoden]

another set of fantrolls! Themis, Leonol, and Chaoyi. DETAILED LORE below readmore!!!

Themis is the head of the jade caste at the school and she takes her roll very seriously, pressuring younger trolls in her caste not to use their recently-acquired rights to NOT work in the caverns, but instead live a life of their choosing. AKA, there is a lot of social pressure on jades to conform to their expected duties and Themis is a traditionalist who wants the jades at school to appear unified and strong. Thusly, Melosa's misbehavior and outright hatred for the jade caste drives her crazy, especially considering Melosa's rare and special morph. She doesn't want

She's named 'themis' for artemis, because it was artemis killed the shit out of babies. Themis believes strongly in culling/letting trolls experience harshness to grow up strongly. her godtier is Judge of Void.

Leonol is a male oliveblood with a lot of RAW CONFIDENCE for being like 4 sweeps old. i wanted to make a catboy bc i already had two oliveblooded catgirls. hes based on that chill and confident big tomcat with the big cheeks type vibe. based on sphinx moth+sabertooth tiger. prince of doom because he destroys doom itself. dont worry. leonol's got it handled. even though hes like, 8. Chaoyi is Melosa's sister, younger by only a couple sweeps. Melosa was left with a virgin spotted mothergrub lusus that didn't bond with her, and as a result spent her first few sweeps barely surviving as the VSM grew more and more incensed at the 'pest' in it's living space. their relationship frew more and more antagonistic and they badly injured each other, melosa fleeing and being presumed dead while the jades, finally visiting the hive after a few sweeps, were horrified to find a mothergrub so badly injured. the VSM was returned to the jade caverns to recover physically and mentally. during this time, it bonded with a second child still a grub, and the jades let the VSM keep it's new charge.

upon discovering the VSM had a different kid in the hive, melosa initially feared the VSM to be hunting the wriggler as she'd grown up, only to be more distraught to learn chaoyi was healthy, happy, and cared for. melosa almost started another fight with the VSM, which was defending chaoyi from her, and cut off half her own hair in an act of defiance. initially, chaoyi couldn't possibly believe melosa to be her sister, because she had such a good relationship with her lusus, but after she wasn't believed by the jade adults checking up on the VSM's health that melosa had survived, she realized melosa had to be right.

melosa kept stopping by home and visiting chaoyi because if the VSM started hurting another wriggler, melosa wasn't going to let them handle it alone like she had. she didnt care about chaoyi's opinion and was shocked when chaoyi apologized and believed melosa. the two have an extremely awkward relationship but they are also both very dear to each other, and consider the other important family.

(while the mothergrub did abuse and neglect melosa, it's not really either's fault. most lusus are ultimately animals, including the mothergrubs, and she never recognized melosa as her own child. its based on animals rejecting their own bbs, which i witnessed a couple years ago. lots is left out of this desc of chaoyi and melosa but this is the summary.)

[myfandomrealitea]

sometimes it’s hard af being an ex anti. For context, I just recently got into a popular “controversial” anime because the two mcs (who are an adult and minor) are kinda heavily implied to be lovers. And of course I ship them, right? And I like to think of myself as past my own old ideals, above how I used to see things, rejecting my old way of living and interacting with fandom, but there’s just… this nagging fear in the back of my head, like, “omg what if this is actually illegal,” “omg what if I’m actually a pedo,” “omg could I get arrested for reading this explicit fanfiction of them?” Not to mention that I’m deathly scared of reblogging or sharing any posts about the ship because I’m afraid I’ll get mobbed and doxxed. I don’t want to be scared. I wish I had the confidence that so many other proshippers have

Asks like this should really be a slap in the face to antis and people who think its perfectly fine and normal to terrorize people and risk their lives over fictional content.

Honestly, my best advice would be to carefully curate your internet space to offer as much protection to yourself as you can.

Block antis liberally. Especially ones known to be outspoken or to target people.

Scour your blog and remove any identifying information and limit what you post in reference to yourself. Never tell people your real name, hint at where you live (unless you're just generically stating the country, like "America.")

Avoid clicking on links or sites or following directions to internet locations, especially from random asks and posts.

Utilize proper tagging. Responsible antis will have tags they don't want to see blocked, and its best for both of you if you offer them the opportunity not to be exposed to your content.

Likewise, block certain tags.

But, aside from that, most of your thoughts are just anti propaganda. You're not going to be arrested for fanfiction. You're only a pedophile if you're actually sexually attracted to children. Its not illegal unless its something like actual CSEM.

Don't let their propaganda and lies work.

[traumasurvivors]

Here’s a link to a blog post on my personal website on a topic that I think is very important.

I’ve also put it below the read more for people that don’t like external links. But if you're okay with it, checking it out on my personal website is really nice (and even giving it a heart if you can)! I don't make money from my website, so there are no intrusive ads or anything like that to stop you from reading the article.

Embracing Your Inner Child

This applies to anyone, but I really want to emphasize this to my fellow survivors who went through trauma as children and/or teenagers.

I’m so sorry you lost part, most or all of your childhood. That doesn’t mean it’s too late to give your inner child what you can. This includes comfort but it also includes doing the things you didn’t get to if you can.

Play the fun games. Buy the tasty treats. Go on adventures.

It’s never too late to feel a little more of the kind of joy you had (or should have had) as a child. You may not be able to be a child again, but you can still help and support your inner child.

You might have been told that a fun idea you had was “silly” or even “stupid.” When you have those thoughts now, instead of rejecting it, embrace the “silly” idea and let yourself enjoy it. It’s not shameful or wrong to do the things your inner child wants to do. It’s okay to be “immature” sometimes, even if you’re twenty years old. Or thirty. Or sixty. I just want to say that I don’t think any of this is immature, but I know that is a bias and judgement a lot of us might pass on ourselves. 

A short, not at all complete list of things you might do for your inner child:

Watch childhood movies or tv shows (Did you watch “Blues Clues”, or “Pokemon”? Maybe “The Land Before Time”? There’s no reason you can’t still enjoy them.)

Listen to “silly” music, maybe singing along or dancing to it (for me, one favourite is “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” from The Lion King. I know every word and have a dance party everytime it comes on my shuffle.)

Go to the park and use the swings (I don’t know why, but flying up just a few feet can make me forget all my “grown-up” worries)

Have a treat just because (maybe that big sundae your parents never let you have, or the chicken nuggets you haven’t had in a decade). Maybe you want to fulfil your childhood dream of having ice cream for breakfast! 

Go to the toy store - maybe even get some stuffed animals or other toy items. (I just recently realized that I can fulfill my childhood dream of collecting certain toys that I never got to have when I was younger!) 

Ride a roller coaster and scream your head off on the way down (I like to try to be in the very first car)

Make creative, crafty stuff - like a painting or drawing, or decorating a picture on construction paper with googly eyes and glitter or a clay model with a weirdly shaped head (even if the result looks like something you’d expect to see in a kindergarten class, or the process makes a mess that looks like a glitter bomb went off)

Another aspect of embracing your inner child is trying to give your inner child the person you needed when you were a child. 

This might mean standing up for yourself when others try to put you down or take credit for things you’ve done, even (or especially) if no one else spoke up for you when you were a child. 

It might mean offering comfort and compassion to yourself, and not being too hard on yourself when you make mistakes that you would have been insulted for as a child or don’t know something that “everyone learns as a child.” Maybe now you can teach yourself that accidents happen, and spilling a drink or breaking a plate is not the disaster and failure of character that you were told as a child. 

It might mean being patient with yourself when something is harder to do than you feel like it should be (whether you actually aren’t able to do it as easily as others, or you have unrealistic expectations of its difficulty because of the expectations put on you as a child). There are lots of instructional videos out there to help you to gain basic cooking or cleaning skills. If you never really learned to read, there are programs to help you. If you weren’t allowed or able to learn to manage your emotions or relationships in healthy ways, there’s help out there for you. There is absolutely no shame in not learning any kind of skills you feel you “should” have learned as a child, and it is okay to learn them as an adult.

You may have had to grow up too fast. You may not have been allowed to do the fun things. You may have suffered trauma that shattered your childhood. I’m here to tell you that you still have an inner child, and embracing that inner child is good for you. Just because you’re an adult, at any age, doesn’t mean that you’re too old to have fun.

No one else gets to decide what’s right for you - you get to decide what you enjoy and what you want.

And it’s never too late to remember, indulge, listen to, and embrace your inner child. Let them be a part of how you choose to move forward. It’s time for us to realize that there is no one way to be an adult, and we get to decide what being an adult means to us. And if that means I want to rent a bouncy castle for my birthday, then that is my perfectly valid version of an adult birthday (a birthday which my inner child would be thrilled about, by the way).

[onepiecestarry]

A Different Kind of Pirate - Part 2

Hi all, I recently did a poll to see what most people prefer to read and I will be switching the story to second pov :) hope this doesn’t mess anyone up. Thank you for the support!

Zoro X Reader

Masterlist

Part 2: A Routine

You wake up to see no one in the room. Thinking to yourself how odd it is Zoro can stay up so late and yet get up so early. You slip out of bed and go to the bathroom to change back into your regular clothes, leaving Zoro’s shirt folded on the table. 

You begin descending the stairs from the crow’s nest observing everyone doing their own tasks. You then spot the broody man working out in the tangerine grove, away from the rest of the crew. You smile to yourself thinking how silly he is to be so closed off and dark, but someone on the crew must you guessed.

You enter the kitchen to the amazing smell of waffles. Sanji sees you and quickly sets a plate down with fresh fruit and hand-squeezed orange juice. You take your place next to Nami and say, 

“Sanji, you really didn’t need to do all this for me. I’m okay with just a bit of cereal.” You smile. 

“A lady like you? Cereal? God no, over my cold dead body y/n-swan.” He says shocked you even suggested it. 

“Is he always like this?” You whisper to Nami.

“Yeah, unfortunately,” She says flatly back.

You both sit and enjoy your meals, chatting about random things and getting to know each other better. Eventually, Nami points out that Zoro hasn’t eaten yet and that Sanji should fix a plate up for him. He rolls his eyes and remarks,

“Fine, but I’m not bringing it to him.”

“That’s alright, I can. I don’t mind.” You giggle.

Weaving through the tangerine trees looking for the green-haired man, smelling the fresh air. It was almost like a maze with how many trees there were. As you’re about to give up and go out and back in again to start over, you back into something tall, but it isn’t a tree. 

You slowly turn around to the intimidatingly tall man in front of you. Sure, you were intimidated by him, but by no means were you scared. You found him cute and liked the reactions you got from teasing him yesterday.

“I brought you some breakfast!” You say with a big smile. 

“I don’t eat breakfast.” He says with a bite. 

“Well, pretty boys don’t stay pretty if they don’t eat. I’ll leave this here, but you should really eat.” You say moving the plate over to a bench. 

As you walk away you can feel Zoro’s eyes on you the whole time, as if you are a wild animal capable of doing any random movement at any time. 

For the rest of the day, you sit with the other members playing games, telling stories, or reading. You found to quite like Robin’s company specifically. You and her have a very similar sense of humor, and it feels comforting to be around her. 

-----

As the days go on you can’t help but believe Nami truly listened to their captain by setting sail for the farthest island possible. You weren’t complaining though. You had come up with a routine for yourself and quite enjoyed being on the Sunny.

Each morning you wake up and have breakfast with Nami and Robin, you then bring a plate to Zoro. He may say he doesn’t trust you but he always eats what you bring him. After that, you play some card games and such with Chopper and Luffy. You then help Frankie with repairs or his next project. After all that activity, you go back to the bench swing. This happens to be where Zoro naps in the afternoons. As he rests you read and enjoy the sun. Each night you all gather around a fire and enjoy the night. As everyone goes to bed you once again make tea for you and Zoro and ascend to the crow’s nest. 

After the past week and a half of this Zoro hadn’t warmed up to you like the other crew had, but that’s okay, you know he's different and he takes his time to trust people. But he never once rejected your presence, which you count as a win, especially with how much you tease and flirt with him. It was just too easy! You say something as simple as “Hey hot stuff” and he’s a red mess. It's quite cute you think, and it's not as if you're lying, you truly think he's attractive so why not tell him? 

---

You make your and Zoro’s tea, now knowing how he likes it after days of prodding him about it. You bring it up to him and hand him the cup, choosing to this time sit on the crow’s nest balcony with him. 

You both sit in silence watching the waves and stars while sipping your tea. 

“Zoro,” You say. He hums in response. “I forgot my pajamas in the wash.” 

“For god’s sake woman.” He says exasperated.

He moves to his closet once again and throws a shirt at you. He walks to sit back down where he used to be. You laugh at his reaction, and he looks at you a bit puzzled. 

“Why do you always stay up?” You ask curiosity getting the better of you.

“Someone’s gotta make sure no one attacks us while all these idiots are sleeping.” He states with a bit of a smirk on his face. It was faint but you could see the corners of his mouth fighting a smile. You hum in response.

“It must get lonely huh, do you ever get tired?” You ask.

“No not really.” he blandly says.

“Liar.” you say with a smile.

“Excuse me?” He looks at you with bewilderment and a smile on his face.

“I see you in the middle of the night on the balcony asleep, why do you think you always wake up with a blanket in the morning?” You laugh.

“That was you?!” He exclaims. “I thought I was tripping out or forgetting I had gotten a blanket the night before.” He says with surprise. You laugh at his response. 

“How about this, I’ll stay up now and you can get some sleep and then when you wake up, I’ll get some sleep?” You say with a smile now looking away back towards the waves crashing against the boat.

 He hums while thinking. 

“And that way we can both sleep in the bed, and you won’t have back problems.” You try to say while stifling a laugh. 

“I do NOT have back problems!” he says. “But it would be nice to sleep in a bed again. Alright, you’ve got a deal. But if I find you sleeping on the job, I’ll throw you overboard.” he smiles.

“You would never” You feign hurt, “Who would be here to compliment you all the time pretty boy?”

He turns away and walks inside before you can see his reaction, but you know he was trying to stop a smile. He quickly returns with a blanket and says to wake him up if you get tired. 

You stay up for a while, quietly finding constellations or humming to yourself. Eventually, you start to get sleepy but fight it off so Zoro can get some much-needed rest. But alas you couldn’t fight it off forever. 

The next day you wake up in the bed wondering how you got there. You sit up and look at the side table seeing a plate of breakfast and a note. 

The note read: 

Thanks for taking the graveyard shift last night, I’ll think about not throwing you overboard since you helped me out

Z

You smile as you read it and bring the plate to the table. You sit quietly eating, looking out at the beautiful sky.

Later, when you joined the crew, they all asked what caused you to sleep in so late. You told them you started helping Zoro with the night watches so he could get some sleep too. They all nod at your sacrifice. 

Suddenly their faces look serious and you ask what's wrong. 

“We need to go to Dressrosa y/n.” Nami says.

“Oh, why is that?” You question. 

“We just got word from our ally Trafalgar Law to meet up before going there to form an attack on Doflamingo.” Robin states.

“Oh wow, I see, okay. And what do you need me to do? Do you need to drop me off at a nearby island or something?” You say hoping that it won’t come to that. 

“No! We want you to help us!” Luffy yells.

You smile at his request and nod. Frankie leaves to retrieve Zoro before you all start to plan everything. As Zoro walks back you smile at him, receiving the regular small nod. 

The plan was to meet up with the heart pirates and proceed to Dressrosa to plan the attack. We all wanted to take down Doflamingo. You especially, he has always been on your ‘hit’ list but you never thought you could take him alone. You are grateful that you are now with two crews that can. 

You smile to yourself thinking about how different life is now. Hoping not to go back to how it was before. 

-

Part.3

- 

I hope you enjoyed part 2! I am trying to write longer parts because I hate it when stories have short parts, turns out it's hard to do! But the next part should be up tomorrow if I stick to my schedule! Thank you for your support as a new writer! :) 

[uninformedartist]

I really don't like going through Viv's likes or anyone's for that matter but for evidence purposes I do. Viv liking this tweet is so... I can't describe it just wow (second tweets is more context).

Viv there is lots of valid reasons (yeah some not) that people dislike you and subsequently don't want to support/dog on your projects. You're a shitty person in many ways from transphobia, employee abuse, having a toxic work environment and not changing it at all, allowing your fans to run as your protection hounds (not once you stepping in to call out their behavior) from silencing your victims in multiple egregious ways, harassing critics/critical fans. Your show helluva boss is ableist, it fetishises queer people/relationships, inconsistent in its storytelling/identity, has staff members working on it thats problematic yet you never address the multiple call outs against them, heck Viv interacts with said problematic people regularly on twitter showing she doesn't care. Hazbin hotel has the worst poc representation I've seen in recent animation from Velvette being a black woman but looks ashey thus erasure, Alastor being creole but looks how he looks, basing him on a native American creature you been told by many native Americans to remove that aspect of him, making Alastor use Haitian Vodou when many said its used incorrectly/used in an aesthetic manner which is insensitive/wrong to use, basically making a mockery of these people's beliefs/religion. And I can go on.

Even your own staff/die hard fans shit on other idie shows in private (and some of such sentiments seep out in public social media spaces)

And lets not forget you making such a big deal on your lackadaisy donation, posting the amount & tier of executive producer credit you selected. Then when your donation was rejected you subsequently posted its rejection, which triggered your fandom to boycott lackadaisy. Also the fact Viv posted that donation rejection on the same day when lackadaisy hit an astronomical donation goal, which resulted in many of her fans pulling their donations because their "queen" feelings got hurt.

Remind, is was totally valid for lackadaisy to do, whatever the reason for the rejection they can deny/accept whatever donation, that is their production's private decision. Lackadaisy had to come out with reasonings on their rejection because of the dogpiling they received, and they even replied to Viv rejection tweet they sent a message in private/the matter could've been talked about in private.

Also this liked by viv: sorry on the gif can't post more images.

And this is all the tip of the iceberg. So yeah don't cry/like tweets of your bootlickers pitying yourself in the process Viv when people don't like you/want to support you. Play the victim all you like Viv, you're a shitty person through & through and people are starting to see it.

[yuseirra]

Anaylsis on Ai Hoshino's character and speculations of how her relationship with her ex-boyfriend actually went

With the upcoming second season of the Oshi no Ko anime, I think this is a good time for me to write how I feel about this character. The manga seems to be reaching the final arc too, so if I make any guesses, it's probably now or a never thing! I'd like to post this before I get utterly proven wrong and it gets totally useless XD and who knows? Maybe I just may get some things right.

I had a chance to talk about how I felt Ai with @aihoshiino through an ask (their analyses are so good and I'm sure they'll write tons better than what I can offer) and it led me to realize how interesting the character is. So I ended up jotting my thoughts on my own and it became quite long.

This post will touch on how I think Ai's mind worked, and how it may have affected her relationship with her ex. I've been following the recent chapters, and I read up to ch. 152. This means I'm aware of most spoilers, and that this post would be swarming with it! If you're okay with it, please read ahead!

*I originally wrote this in a different language. I'm too tired to write the whole thing over again, so I used DeepL translate! I fixed some nouns that got lost within the translations, so should make sense for the most part. Sorry for the clumsy writing in advance!

While thinking about the recent developments in the onk manga, I noticed some things while listening to the opening of the anime version, so I'll write it down. The other day, I had the opportunity to discuss the characterization and personality development of Ai with someone else, even though it may be brief. There were some things that were notable in the behavior of this character in the novel version as well. I don't know how the story will develop, but from the information I got thus far, I feel I can outline what kind of person she is to some extent.

Ai has a very strong desire for "love" because she's never been loved properly. Rejection from parents in early childhood takes a tremendous toll on a person's development of self-assurance and self-esteem. I'm not an expert so I can't make a professional statement, but I think Ai often resorts fo have an avoidant (withdrawn) attitude. She want to have deep relationships with people, but she doesn't want to reveal their intimate "real" selves to others because she's unsure if she'll be accepted. Self-hatred is a big part of why she keeps it hidden. There's a very selfless reason why Ai decides lie: she does it because everyone likes the pretty, bright, lovable version of her. Ai protects herself by pretending, but they also protect the "outside" from the "ugly" version of her. Everyone prefers Ai to be this invincible idol, and so Ai acts that way because it's the way to contribute to the group and the world around her. In the end, Ai becomes so good at performing this idolized persona to the extent where she shows signs of being broken or disheveled, the others will react "That's not Ai" and deny it. But even though she's initially happy to be loved and accepted and have a place, ultimately that's not the kind of "love" she wants. This character has a very idealized idea of what love is, and she wants that kind of love where you put yourself out there and it's accepted, but when you think about it, it's her parents who should have given her that kind of love. What she wants is the unconditional, the agape type of love, the type she never got that early in her life. In reality, she was actually always getting the love from her fans, and she was giving love in return, whatever form of love it was. It was just that she wasn't sure if it was love at all. That's the sad part about this character, she has a very strong image of what love is, and she's not sure if it's love when it comes to these whole other variety of emotions. That's why she says in her idol songs that she really wants to love her fans, even though she's already doing it… When Ai became a parent and was in the position to give unconditional love, she began to think, "Will I know what love is? (Regardless of whether or not this was to be a wise choice to do this at such a young age, there are definitely people who actually have this sort of mental state. It may not make sense if you look at this character's emotional state and judgment from what's considered as the norm, but this is the flow of her thinking. It's not a healthy state, but it's not fair to just dismiss it as thoughtless, and foolish because this character has never experienced normal love.) However, the "love" she thinks of didn't just happen when she gave birth to and raised her children… Even for her own children, she kept putting on a bright face and couldn't live unadorned… This is how acting (lying) is a form of love for her. She tried so hard all the time. She lived as much as possible to fit in with others. She thinks this is showing consideration for the other person. This is another sad point, because she doesn't realize that when she reveals herself, others will still love her for who she is.

When interpreting the character of Ai, you shouldn't interpret her as someone who is emotionally stable and loved. The MV for the song "Idol" was my first introduction to the work "onk", and the initial feeling I had when I saw it was discomfort. This was because I felt like it was exposing a very vulnerable and precarious psychology of a young child. To compare it to other works, I think it's similar to the psychological state of One Piece's Tot Musica or Fleeting Lullaby, but even more extreme in a way because there's not even a metaphor to cover it up. It's a very honest song, and so I was like, "Is it okay to lay it all out there?" and at the same time, I was like, "This is going to be popular, but do people like stuff like this these days?" because it's about something that pretends to be okay, but it's really not. It's a song about struggles, about trying and trying. This discomfort dies out a bit when you "get used to it", so now I just enjoy the song like the crowd in the song going "Whoa! Whoa!" but the song is too "easy", it's… It's really, really easy to understand, because the lyrics are what it is. You don't even have to scrutinize it to recognize what it says. It's painfully honest.

But when I read the comic, I realized that was the entire point. Ai wanted to be honest, to reveal all of his intimate details, to be accepted, to understand others, to obtain what she thought was a "genuine relationship," and that's why he wrote this song. That's the core of the character. If the core of Aqua's character, which we talked about before (I wrote a different analysis on Aqua once too), is his inability to forgive himself, then the core of Ai's character's motivation is her desire to realize what she thinks is an "ideal form of love."

The problem is that this "lie" as a form of love comes in direct conflict with Ai's idealized notion of "love." After all, in Ai's mind, "true love" should be free of lies. Even when Ai has proposed the idea of lies being a form of love, she didn't even fully believe it herself. Because she kept wearing the mask of an "invincible idol" as an extension of her work, even in her daily life, she wasn't sure whether the love she was giving and receiving was really "love" or not. I think Ai is a character who thinks a lot about these things. This aligns with how celebrities are in real life, too. I realize that there must be many people who think differently from the image they are to be shown in the media.

I think this is what led to the breakup of her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and I think she was trying to confess all of these feelings in the documentary, and I think it was meant to be a shock to the said character. It's probably going to be something that would hurt her ex-boyfriend in some way. I think this would only work if the boyfriend really loved her. I think she would have had good feelings towards her, love or not on her end as well. It just never came across. Ai's so used to pretending she's okay. She's the type of person who's very secretive and evasive when it comes to deepening a relationship. I think she avoided Kamiki because she thought it would be better for the both of them if she stayed away. On the other hand I think Kamiki would've been very dependent on her, and since this was a relationship he's had when he was very vulnerable and had been through some serious mess, Ai must've been kind of like a lifeline to him. He may have clung to her because she doesn't show her heart very often. Kamiki is an anxious attachment type, but Ai is an avoidant type, and I think that backfired in a very bad way. I don't think Kamiki was able to convince Ai to stay when the breakup happened… I don't know, maybe he was near the hospital when she gave birth because he really wanted to see his kids from a distance, this seems more likely given the how the storyline is going so far.

When Ai says, "I don't know," when Kamiki asks her, "Does Ai love me?" desperate for affection, she's trying to be honest in her own way. She can't simply say "no," to that but she really doesn't know if her feelings for him's really love. She can't lie to herself, so she wants to be honest. (Kamiki would've been so heartbroken, but when you look at the character of Ai, it's surprising to see a relationship without pretense. She wanted to be perfect in every moment, but she wasn't doing that with him.) I believe that Ai may have came to a conclusion that she's never loved anyone, whether towards her fans or to Kamiki, but she wants to "love properly" now. (Now that I think of it, Kana is the polar opposite of Ai. She's very honest and just plain states that she doesn't like her fans that much. It took Ai a really long time to say it, and if Ai was all wrapped up, Kana just went out and blurted it lol… I think that's what makes her so charming.) The song "Idol" was a song that summarizes the whole character of Ai, and I think she wanted to tell everyone that she loved(s) them, just like she could tell her children at the very end of the song.

She didn't want to get back together with her ex because she wanted to continue being an idol. She couldn't have a public relationship. But I think she wanted to show her kids to him because she gained a little bit of courage while raising them. That she could show her real self. When you look at a Ai, you can infer she has a lot welled up. They had always hidden themselves, and now they have "secrets" that are not just their own, living, that grow with time. She's always had vicious circle that led to self-hatred from all the lies she'd been creating, which led to anger and stress…and it was this close to being let out through the movie. Maybe that's why Aqua believes making movies is for her. It's to fulfill her desire to be freed from the lies.

When it comes to whether she loved Kamiki as much as the children or as much as Kamiki craved from her, it's hard to say for now. However, I've always noticed how Ai, who is very careful and cautious when it came to keeping her image, was willing gave her address and tried to show her children to him. That means she thought him as someone who she could trust. I thought that the ex must have liked Ai because they had a positive effect on her after their meeting. Considering their age, it is likely a case of two children who were unprotected and emotionally vulnerable and became close by relying on each other. I'm sure there were to be some type of bond at least.

It's all a matter of speculation, but Ai's method of "caring" usually boils down in ways that the other person has no idea about how Ai herself feels and her circumstances. I think that's what happened in her relationship with her boyfriend. She's like the rabbit doll in the beginning of Mephisto, with her colleagues in IDOL going "You're great! You're never sad or angry!". Everyone around her ends up adoring and blaming her like an object to project upon, without having to think about how Ai feels inside. I think the 15 year-lie would have acted as a confession of that situation, with the message being:

Isn't it possible that she cut him off unilaterally to "protect him from herself," and then when there were signs that things were stabilizing over time, through the children, the president, and the fans, she took the time to call him back when she could, for it to have ended up like this? It's possible that Ai seemed to be so unmoved that her potential feelings didn't resonate with the other party, who felt betrayed at the time because she seemed so cold and distant. Ai doesn't like herself, and may have decided it's better for her to leave. She may have thought that Kamiki's obsession with her was bad for himself, or with him being so driven to the point where he thought that she was all he had. At that point Ai didn't believe she knew love, so she thought he'd be disappointed later. This is only a speculation but Kamiki could've wanted to take responsibility for the children if he knew, but it was Ai who thought it'd better for her to carry all everything and go her separate ways, because if she kept her mouth shut and kept it a secret, it wouldn't hurt him… and it's a child she wanted to have (and if this were to be the case, Kamiki's own wishes probably were never taken into consideration at all). Surprisingly, Kamiki may have feelings of affection for the children he had with Ai. He's never come to met them, but that could be because Ai told him not to. He complimented how Ruby grew up to be so beautiful resembling both him and Ai, that'd mean he must still like her, right? He has a love-hate relationship with Ai, but he's never harmed or came into close contact with either of his children until they were grown up. Could it be that Ai told him to stay away from her when they had the breakup?(And then she calls him up years later and asks if he wants to see the kids, unintentionally driving him insane)

"I've been lying about loving you all this time, and I don't want to do that anymore. Now I'm really going to tell you what's on my mind, and we're going to start over. We're going to build a relationship from the ground."Something like this? Something like this would be best.

If it's something like this, it'll be a blow to Kamiki. It'll be the same as Ryosuke, because he'll realize that he's the one who stabbed the hand that held out to love him and killed it, and he'll never be able to have that love again. It'll be revenge to realize that.

I can be wrong, but… But I still think there was something Ai would've wanted to convey to kamiki through that movie.

Ryosuke is a scumbag, and if Ai's meant what she said to them, I think it would be more of a statement towards all the fans who loved him than it was about him. Kamiki, if he really did instigate Ai's death, also needs to be punished for his respective crimes. Ai contributed to a part of his misery maybe, but… she's never actively harmed anyone. She may have hurt people's feelings, but she never did anything to deserve to die like this, and I don't think it should have happened, no matter what. It's a stalking and killing crime. I think Ai's life was very lonely, but I think she kept reaching out and trying within her limits. I hope all children grow up to be loved. The idea of love took over "Ai's" life, and I think she lived up to her name.

Beyond this are some more speculation, though it's likely to be more off than the stuff above.

For now, that's how I feel about this character.

I don't think Kamiki would have taken it that way, though. it was twisted, in more ways than one.

+ I think the Ai's feelings for Kamiki were… I think she's liked Kamiki quite a bit. Whether it was love is ambiguous. I don't think she would have been able to say for sure that she loved anyone at that point. This character hasn't been taught what love is, so her ideas of theoretical love, and the barriers to it are pretty high. Ai would've been confused going "Oh, is this what love is?" even if it's a level of emotion that most would consider to be love. What they had between them seems like something that could have been love, but never really came to a conclusion. In fact, the contradiction of Ai's character is that she wants to love, but blocks deep feelings for fear of being hurt. I think it would have been difficult for her to love him like she did for her own children, with whom she has an unconditional connection through blood…it would have been impossible for her at that time.

This is completely speculative, but I wonder if when she found out she was pregnant, she hid it, called it quits, and disappeared, because she felt like it would be a burden for him to know, and she thought she could handle it all on her own. She didn't ask for any help, and she didn't ask for anything when she agreed to keep the baby. Kamiki somehow found out and came to the birth and sees it from afar. Ryosuke runs away because he killed someone, but this character didn't do anything harmful to Ai that day. On the contrary, Kamiki may have been subconsciously been influenced by the person who exploited him. He may not have hated the children Ai had with him as much because he saw them as his connection to her. Perhaps after having seen her loving her children he had with her, raising them well, he had hopes that maybe she could get back together with him someday, and maybe she even cared about him a little bit. After he got that call from her, however, he realized that she needed the children but not him, and he despaired that there was no place for him in his life to begin with. Kamiki may not have any hard feelings toward his children. Rather, there might be some kind of inner affection he holds towards them proving as evidence that there was still a relationship between him and Ai; and that's why he sponsored the movie?

As for Ai, It would have been hard for Ai to truly love the children of a man she didn't even like, but there are no signs of that with her, either.. I don't think she broke up with him because she didn't like him. If you look at the phone scene, you get the impression that Ai broke up with him in a pretty casual way, there was a level of willingness to talk to him again and keep in touch and build a relationship from the beginning. This is a big deal coming from Ai because she has little to no friends and only a limited number of people with whom she's had a deep relationship. She's still wanted to form some kind of relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and here we can infer that Kamiki is a pretty important relationship for her. From her point of view, there was room for the future in that relationship. I think she was thinking about starting over with a more authentic relationship with her fans and with her ex-boyfriend. As she grew to love her children, she was subconsciously preparing herself to do so.

By the way, is it really true that Kamiki has been committing murders all this time? I think it could be a huge detriment to the manga's completeness and immersion to reveal the real culprit was someone entirely different at the very end, but we've never seen this character directly do anything, so I think it would be a good idea for the author to bring a twist the plot. It could be just that he feels responsible or guilty because he couldn't stop what's happened… He might actually be someone like Aqua who feels intense guilt for something he wasn't responsible for (I say this is like a 5% chance). Ryosuke is a stalker, so it's possible that he stalked Ai for four years and found out her address on his own. In the case of the actor, it's also possible that Kamiki's warned her to be careful beforehand, but she died anyway, so he's self-loathing saying it's all because of him. If you look closely, he seems to be blaming himself, so he keeps repeating the phrase "because of me." Did he actually kill her? This could be a narrative trick. You see how he's had a terrible past. Himekawa and Uehara may not have been the only ones that died around him, maybe he's cursed? Maybe there's a god that makes people with great talent in the arts unhappy… Anyone would have been suspicious if people around Kamiki kept dying in the first place, but Akane, who did the background check on Kamiki, didn't suspect anything like that, did she? It's never revealed in the story if he killed people, and if so, how many. People just come to infer "oh, he's a psychopathic killer" but just how much of it's right? We'll get to see that soon, I guess.

++Lying is also a keyword that's constantly stressed.

Like I said, I don't think it's very likely… Now that I think about it, the bouquet is a possible connection to Ryosuke. However, he may be less guilty than we thought. If it's true that he's killed other celebrities, the most intuitive reason I can think of is that he didn't want anyone to shine more than Ai's ever did. But what good does that do? What exactly does it mean to this character to feel the weight of his life? :/ Is it actually a positive thing for him, does he want to have a heavy life, does he want to do anything with it? This is something I can't say until the author explains it, because I don't have any information. There is also the matter of God in this story, but I don't know that'd get tied it into the the plot even though the manga is nearing the end. Ai and Kamiki are supposed to be characters who are connected to the gods, probably but I can't make any guesses. I was more confident about the psychological analyses than my plot predictions.

Isn't "15-year old lie two things? Ai lied to her fans that she loved them, and she lied to her boyfriend that she couldn't love him even though she had feelings for him. She told two lies about love, and now she's spilling the beans and saying, as she said before, that she wants to try to love again with her true heart.

The song "Idol" is what summarizes the whole storyline. If there is a lie that can be maintained for 15 years, I think it would be this.

In that case, assuming that the boyfriend loved the child, it would definitely be revenge from Aqua's point of view and give Ai what she's wanted… After all, Ai's narrative is a journey of a child trying to be true.

[lcvekatsuki]

catching hearts ;

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⠀:¨ ·.· ¨:⠀

⠀ `· . ୨୧⠀

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˙ . ꒷ a story in-which a girl captures hearts. 𖦹˙—

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꒰ bokutoxkenmaxkurooxfem!reader꒱

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౨ৎintroduction ౨ৎ

⠀ In which a twenty one year old girl goes back into town to visit her grandparents but catches three hearts along the way, maybe even horses as well?

Kōtarō Bokuto– L/n Y/n’s former childhood best friend, the tw In which a twenty one year old girl goes back into town to visit her grandparents but catches three hearts along the way, maybe even horses as well?

Kenma Kozume– Kenma Kozume, the town's veterinarian who’s able to cure the smallest and the biggest problems the animals in the tiny town might have. For him, saving animals is like a video game, if you can save the most you win! Though what happens if our little Y/n here wants to volunteer in his clinic? Will any feelings occur?

Tetsurō Kuroo– Tetsurō Kuroo, the head sheriff, and the best sniper you can ever find in the town. His cocky and flirty behavior leads to the crowd of girls following him around, most sheriff’s would use cars to travel. Not Kuroo! He uses his horse, King, that allows him to be the fastest one in the scene. What happens when Y/n and him bump into each other?

presenting . . . . . 01 ; welcome festival :

”Mhm I packed everything mom,” I assured the woman on the other side of the phone. “Yes mom! Down to my shirts to my underwear..” I instantly turned off the speaker and pouted in embarrassment.

I knew she was worried, I could understand, I wasn’t exactly the most prepared person in the room. Plus I was changing environments kind of, leaving the city to go and visit grandpa and grandma in the far away town they stayed at.

Mom lets out a sigh. “Baby, you know I'm just worried, after getting rejected... From that college you wanted to go too, you’ve been off lately. Me and your father had been noticing that recently. “ She says with her motherly soothing voice but the moment she said that I could feel my eyes getting dimmer. Like I wanted to cry for the 100th time already.

It was the classic story, I got rejected by my dream college, and I don’t really know what to do with my life anymore. I mean the whole plan was graduating from that college, and then becoming a [dream job], but life didn’t work like that. Shaking the thought away I focused back on the phone call. “You too don’t have to worry about me,” I started. “I’m not a kid anymore, trust me, I’ll be a fine mom. Love you bye.”

Before she had a chance to say bye too, I already ended the phone call. “URGHHHH” I yell pressing my forehead against the honk button letting out the loud beep noise.

This is going to be a long drive…

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“Why is this suitcase so damn heavy!” I groaned trying to roll it out of my trunk but it ended up hitting my foot. “Ouch, ouch, ouch!” Holding my feet up I jumped around trying to stop the pain, But I ended up making a fool out of myself…

A guy with black and yellow hair started to walk up to me with a confused expression. His cat-like golden eyes fell on my foot. “Here.” He said, grabbing what looked like an ice pack from his bag and placing it towards my foot. And ofcourse like the idiot I was I stood there dumb-founded.

“Uhm…uh than–thank..you?” The boy with the cat persona vanished before I could even thank him. “Gosh that's so embarrassing.. He probably thinks I'm a weirdo. Great going Y/n!” I scolded myself, gaining weird looks from people.

The pain quickly went away thanks to the ice pack the mysterious guy gave me. I smiled at it softly before putting it away in my pocket. I made it to the small town my grandparents stayed at, the little town of Sendai!

I parked a little bit away from the location of their home, so I had to walk while dragging the stupidly heavy suitcase. “I shouldn’t have packed so much.” I whined rolling the suitcase across the concrete as I started to walk. Finding my grandparents house wasn’t hard since it was a small town and there was only one home that had a blue roof.

Finally I made it to their house and I knocked on the door. “Anyone home?” I asked and earlier than I could say something I could see a white haired small frame opening the door. “Y/n!” Grandma cooed, wrapping me in a hug. “Grandma!” I said back with the same enthusiasm, she started asking me questions like ‘how are you’, ‘what are you doing nowadays’, yada, yada.

Grandma invited me in and after a long bear hug with grandpa we started to chat again. “Yeah, that’s what I'm really up to these days.” I sighed crossing my arms with a tiny smile. “We missed you a lot Pumpkin,” Grandpa says with a wrinkled smile. “Especially someone in town.”

The last sentence Grandpa said was hidden under his breath so me or Grandma couldn’t hear it. “Sweetie, why don’t you go out and explore, it’s your first day back! You might find something surprising! Plus we’ll unpack your stuff.” Granny giggled as Grandpa rubbed her back. I give a guilty expression though. “Are you sure though?” I questioned them both and saw nodding from both backs.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon!” I yelled walking out of the house, I took the fresh air of the outside in. The city was never like this, never had open space, just filled with annoying crowds. But the tall beautiful skyscrapers did make up for them. I was about to continue walking by until I got tapped on the shoulder.

“Hu–” I got interrupted because I was wrapped in a hug by a muscular build. “Y/n!I missed you so much..” The voice said hugging me even tighter, I pursed my lips in confusion and looked up to see a guy with black and white hair. And there's only one person I know who has that.

“Bokuto,” I screamed, hugging him back and pressing myself deeper into his shoulder. “I missed you too, it's been like ages!” Little did you know his heart was beating 10 times faster. It was his childhood crush!

The tight loving hug was released and a goofy smile was placed on Bokuto’s face. “I just can’t believe your back..” He whispers hugging me again, slowly making me feel guilty for leaving before. I rubbed his back, smiling softly. “So, what have you been up to?” I asked, looking up at him when he released the hug. “Nothing much really. But now that you're here, everything's going to be 100 times better!” He chimed, picking you up and twirling you around causing you to hug his shoulders.

“Bok–Bokuto! Let me down!” I yelled with a faint blush of embarrassment on my face. “Oh c’mon, you used to love when I did that when we were kids!” Bokuto grinned, not letting me down and only spinning me faster. That only led to him getting dizzy, and falling.. And ofcourse I had to land on his lap.

It's like the universe was laughing right at my face. We both were embarrassed and quickly got up. “That u-uh.. Reminded me yeah! Everybody in town is waiting for us, come on.” Bokuto says, grabbing my hand, and leading me towards his motorcycle?!?!

“What the…” I say in surprise. “You never told me you had a motorcycle!?” I said as I looked back at him, as he got onto his shimmering black motorcycle. Bokuto’s eyebrows furrowed a little bit.”I mean you didn’t really call or anything after you left...” He mumbled but I heard it.

What he said made me feel horrible, how stupid could I’ve been? I was so busy trying to get into my dream college, I forgot about him.. AND I DIDNT EVEN GET IN! I wanted to apologize to him but it was too late, because Bokuto was already sliding his extra helmet on my head. “Just for safety precautions.” He chuckles with his sly smirk.

“Can’t we just walk!” I whined trying to avoid riding on his motorcycle. “I never knew how much of a scaredy cat you were Y/n~!” He teased, causing me to puff my cheeks. “Hmph! I’ll show you scaredy cat.” I declared as I tried to get on the big motorcycle, I tried to climb on it but I ended up falling. Luckily Bokuto catched me, “I forgot how short you were.” He grinned, easily lifting me up onto the motorcycle.

“Shut up!” I grumbled with a small laugh after. Bokuto then got in front of me and he started to start the engine of the motorcycle. Letting out the loud noise, causing me to press my hands against my ears. “Hold on tight, Y/n!” He yelled so I could hear him over the loud engine, before I knew it we flew, he was the quickest one in the road. I held on so tight to his waist and closed my eyes the tightest I could.

This was going to be a LONG ride.

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“Y/n you can open your eyes now,” Bokuto laughed. “We're here now.” Bokuto was the definition of YOLO (You only live once) on the road, he would drift so carelessly and push the engine as fast as he could. But I felt as though he was being much more careful than he usually was for some reason..

I opened my eyes to see colorful lights and a… welcome home banner? “What's this?” I asked with confusion at the banner and the fairlights that seemed like that led to something deeper. “Your grandparents, me, and everyone in town decided to pitch in to make you a welcome home party Y/n..” Bokuto says softly with a gentle smile.

“C’mon, everyones waiting for you!”

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I hoped u enjoyed !

follow please . . .

[pikablu410]

Double Date

Haha...it’s been a bit. But I’m back, hopefully. And hopefully more consistently!

“You almost ready, dear?” Their partner’s voice called from downstairs.

“Yeah just let me wash up and I’ll be down in a second.” They replied before heading into the bathroom. Nick looked at himself in the mirror. The gray suit and dark blue tie complimented his brown skin well. The dark slacks showed off his recent hours at the gym, something he was most proud of. To top off his appearance, a freshly shaven face along with dark curls gave Nick quite the handsome appearance.

“Nick! Derek and Amir aren’t going to wait all night!” The voice called once more.

“I’m coming Tyler; hold on!” Nick shouted before briskly hurrying down the stairs. Once downstairs, he saw his partner in a black suit that brought out his blue eyes and accentuated his dark hair.

“You look great.” Was all he could think of.

Tyler blushed and said, “Thanks.” Their moment didn’t last long as Tyler quickly remembered they were running late. Rushing to the car, Tyler and Nick hopped in and buckled in.

“You sure you don’t want me to drive?” Nick asked, but Tyler just shrugged. “Too late now.” And with that, the two hurried off as the sun started to set. 

“I still think it’s weird that Derek suggested a buffet for a place to have a double date. That one fancy restaurant isn’t too far out of the way.” Nick stated as they waited at a red light. 

“Well, it’s a new place so I guess he just wants to check it out. Plus, Derek did suggest this whole thing and offered to pay for it all, so I’m not complaining.” Tyler rebutted, just as the light turned green.

A moment of silence struck the two before Nick finally asked, “Derek’s the one who’s apart of that…group?”

“A group? Like a band?” Tyler asked, teasing Nick.

“You know what I mean. It’s that…thing you’re into.” Nick elaborated, and Tyler’s smile slowly faded.

“...yeah, he’s a feeder.” Tyler nearly mumbled.

Nick’s partner had expressed his interest in bigger men early on in their relationship. Tyler was particular, in that they weren’t content with just dating a bigger guy. They had to grow the man themselves, letting their partner graze and feast like a lazy farm animal. Derek was one of Tyler’s friends that they had made online through a site that connected people with similar thoughts. While Nick had never met Derek, he saw pictures that Tyler took and let him read the messages the two sent back and forth to each other. Though, Nick was never really keen on reading them after seeing the kinds of things they talked about.

When Tyler had brought this up to Nick, with the prospect of Nick going along with Tyler’s “strange dream,” as he put it, Nick declined almost immediately. His goal in college was to work out more and lose what little excess weight he had lingering from high school, and so the two’s goals seemed to be direct opposites of each other. Luckily, Tyler seemed to take the rejection well and basically dropped the subject altogether around Nick. The only time it ever got brought up was when Tyler talked about…

“Derek wanted me to warn you before we go in.” Tyler said, parking the car. Nick had zoned out for so long he hadn’t realized they had already arrived.

Raising his eyebrow, Nick hesitantly asked, “What should I be worried about?”

“Amir is also into the whole…feeder thing. Except he likes to be the one growing.” Tyler said, as if confessing to a sin.

“Okay? Why would that be an issue?” Nick asked, to which Tyler sighed. 

“It’s just that. Derek knows you’re not into it, and he and his partner are. He just didn’t want you to be grossed out.” Tyler further explained.

Nick just shrugged and said, “It shouldn’t be a problem for me.”

“Alright then.” Tyler mumbled through a sigh as the two stepped out of the car and headed inside. 

The place looked more like a bar than a buffet. The lighting was very dim and all of the seats were covered with leather. The tables were a rustic oak, or some other kind of wood. Each table had antique salt and pepper shakers, adding to the classic look. Despite everything, Nick felt like the place had an eerie quality to it, one that Tyler didn’t seem to feel or notice. 

Another strange thing was that none of the customers seemed to be women. They also seemed to be all kinds of overweight. There were a few skinny men, which the couple could quickly identify as twinks, but the majority of the people eating with either chubby or downright fat. 

“C’mon, Derek and Amir text me that they’re already here.” Tyler said, going over to a waiter to find their seats. The stick thin man guided the couple over to a booth, where Nick was able to finally lay eyes on his partner’s friend in person, as well as their partner.

Derek’s appearance wasn’t a surprise, as Tyler had shown Nick a photo of him not just two days ago. He had straight, black hair that was neatly combed and was wearing a plaid button-up shirt. Cyan shorts and ankle socks completed the nerdy look, but if Nick had seen Derek walking around the city, or even in the gym, he wouldn’t have batted an eye.

The same couldn’t be said for Amir.

“You must be Nick! I’ve heard a bit about you from Derek already!” Amir introduced himself. 

Amir had glasses and short, brown hair. That was about where the typical traits ended. Amir had on a similar plaid button-up, like his partner, but the buttons were strained tightly against his bulbous belly. It must’ve stuck out at least a foot in front of him - maybe more. Nick could see a tank top underneath the shirt, as if Amir or Derek knew it was in danger of snapping off. Continuing to match Derek, Amir had on a pair of orange shorts that clung to his rear and thighs. When Amir had gotten up to greet Nick and Tyler, the man struggled to waddle over to the two without damaging the pants. Thunder thighs, a thick double chin and love handles poking out from under his shirt, Amir was an embodiment of the reason why he really wasn’t keen on going along with Tyler’s…thing. Whatever he may call it.

After introductions, the two sat their possessions down at the table. 

“Well, why don’t we grab something to eat?” Derek suggested. Nick and Tyler agreed and headed off to the buffet line, but Amir barely moved and said, “You know what I like to eat, right babe?” “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?” He teased, giving Amir a kiss on the cheek before walking with Nick and Tyler.

Tyler and Derek talked for a bit before Derek said, “Amir’s favorite dishes are over this way; I’ll meet you guys back at the table!” As Derek headed off to another section of the buffet, Nick pulled his partner over as they grabbed plates for the two of them. 

“Dude!” Nick whispered to Tyler, who looked confused. “What? Did I miss something?” They asked, looking around their surroundings.

“You didn’t tell me he’d be, y’know, huge!” Nick whispered again, to which Tyler turned around and rolled their eyes. 

“Can you just get through this one dinner, please? For me?” Tyler pleaded, handing Nick a ceramic plate. 

Looking into his partner’s eyes and sighing, Nick reluctantly took the plate and headed over to the buffet line, Tyler following quickly after. Nick quickly noticed that there weren’t a ton of healthy options to choose from. There was a salad bar, but it looked like it hadn’t been restocked recently. It made sense, since the lines were at the buffet trays with burgers, french fries and pizza. Even the options that seemed healthier, like steak and mashed potatoes, were dripping in either grease or butter. Nick hesitantly put a burger, some fries and a steak on his plate, trying to keep it light. However, he was still hungry and the food definitely smelled good, so he decided on eating something. Plus, he was sure Amir would eat whatever he didn’t. 

The thought reminded him that Derek had gone to a different part of the restaurant for Amir’s food. “If this isn’t the stuff Amir likes, I’m not sure I wanna see what he does like.” Nick thought to himself as he walked back to their table with Tyler.

Unfortunately for Nick, his question was answered as he saw Derek had already gotten back to the table and was feeding Amir some food. At least, that’s what Nick thought it was. Derek had brought back an entire pizza tray, and the pizza had hamburgers as toppings. It only got worse the more Nick saw; deep fried burgers, bacon wrapped ribs, cheese-stuffed wings and dessert lasagna were just a few of the items lined in front of Amir. The pig himself was being stuffed to the brim by Derek, moaning and groaning with each mouthful for greasy, disgusting slop.

Derek noticed the two sitting down and blushed a bit, “Oh! Did you guys enjoy yourselves?” 

“I could ask you two the same thing!” Tyler teased, setting their plate of salad and chicken fries down on the table.

Nick followed in his partner’s example and gave a disingenuous chuckle. Looking down at his plate, he realized he also went a little overboard. Whereas Tyler had only gotten a salad and some chicken, he had enough to feed a few people.

“Ty, I’m not sure I can-”

“Oh, I got you two sodas to drink. Sorry Nick, they were out of tea and water.” Derek mentioned before going back to feeding Amir. Sauces surrounded his mouth and spilled to his chest, which was barely hidden from public view.

Shaking his head, Nick just decided to eat something and get this double date over with. Grabbing his burger, Nick noted how grease dropped from the bottom bun. Taking a breath, Nick closed his eyes and took a light bite of the sandwich.. It tasted amazing! Somehow, the grease didn’t bother Nick at all, so he took another bite. Again, it was delicious! He barely noticed how quickly he finished his burger and moved onto his steak. It was at this point that he casually started grabbing some fries intermittently, not wanting to stop himself from eating. Nick hastily cut up his steak, finding it surprisingly easy to cut through the meat. He figured with all the grease, the steak would be cooked poorly, but his knife and fork went through like butter. It was almost as if the steak was butter itself with how greasy it was and how good it tasted! 

After a mere ten or so minutes, Nick found his fork hitting a bare plate. Smiling, Nick sat back and started to talk.

“Man, that was surprisingly-URRP!” Nick surprised himself with a belch.

“Sorry, he’s a bit of a pig.” Tyler apologized to Derek and Amir.

Raising his eyebrow, Nick turned to his partner and said, “What do you mean pig? I’m not the one who’s-” “Oh, don’t worry. I know a thing or two about guys who act like pigs.” Derek joked, smiling at Amir, who smiled back before opening his mouth for another piece of chocolate lasagna. It was as if Nick hadn’t even tried to say anything to them. 

“Yeah, I mean, babe, getting two plates full of greasy food isn’t exactly healthy.” Tyler commented, motioning to a plate filled with mashed potatoes, pizza and wings. 

Taking a bite of pizza as if it had always been there, Nick rolled his eyes at the hypocrisy. “Can a man not be hungry? It’s a buffet after all.” Nick thought to himself, devouring a few wings before going back to the pizza. He licked his lips and the surrounding areas of his mouth of grease, letting out another small belch after drinking some soda. As Nick started on the mashed potatoes, he felt something start to rub his stomach. Looking down to see Tyler’s hand going in a circular motion, Nick continued to eat without questioning what they were doing. Why should he? He knew they were just trying to help him eat more, since Tyler knew how much he loved to eat. 

“Babe, do you want my chicken wings? I’m kinda full already.” Tyler said, pushing his plate towards Nick as if they already knew the answer. 

The boy dipped the wings in his mashed potatoes, moaning at the combined taste of grease and butter. It was astounding! Once again finishing his plate within minutes, Nick leaned back as Tyler continued to massage his gut.

“We should go out for new clothes soon; I think you’re starting to enjoy eating a bit too much.” Tyler half-joked. 

Nick looked down to see his bloated gut. It was just bloated, right? With the way Tyler squeezed it and the feeling Nick got from it, he wasn’t sure.

“Tyler, can you stop rubbing-UURRRRP.” Nick let out a slightly larger belch.

“What’s wrong babe?” They asked, still continuing to massage their boyfriend’s stomach. They started to push and prod more, feeling their hands sink into the squishy chub.

“I’m serious, I don’t feel-” Just as Nick was mid-sentence, he let out a fart. It was only loud enough for the table to hear, but Nick felt just as embarrassed all the same. Well, embarrassed at first.

“Ooohhhh.” Nick moaned, as if he had just lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders.

“Nice one dude!” Amir complimented, letting out his own belch and fart before continuing to be fed.

At that moment, Nick remembered that this was a double date. He looked over at Amir and saw that the bottom button on his shirt had snapped off at some point, leaving just enough olive-colored belly exposed so you could see his bellybutton. Amir and Derek were obviously not perturbed by Nick’s display of gluttony. In fact, nobody seemed to think Nick’s behavior was strange at all, including the man himself. 

“I’m gonna go get more food.” Nick said, going to stand up and finding that he had to readjust his center of balance. Though it surprised him at first, a grumbling stomach and the scent of food distracted him long enough to not think much of it.

“I’ll come with. Just in case you grab more than you can carry.” Tyler teased, but no one seemed to take it as a joke.

Quickly heading back to the buffet line, Nick grabbed a few burgers this time, doing the same with multiple pizza slices. He barely noticed how they dripped with more cheese and grease than the ones he had eaten minutes ago. Nick quickly filled up his second plate with wings and fries. Noticing the dessert bar, which he had purposefully ignored his first time around, Nick decided to put a cupcake and donut onto his second plate. 

“Is there anything you want more of babe?” Tyler asked, poking his head over Nick’s shoulder to see what he was getting.

Realizing he had been in a sort of trance, Nick snapped back to reality and looked over at his partner. “Uh, whatever you think I’d like. Those wings and burgers were pretty good.” Nick responded, and Tyler smiled before heading over to the buffet line. 

Coming back to the table to see that Amir was nowhere near done with his first course, Nick and Tyler placed their plates down once again. This time, however, they had to be much more careful not to spill anything. 

Almost immediately, Nick got to eating. The burgers tasted even better than they had earlier, despite how he left even less time to savor their tastes. Cheese and sauce spilled onto Nick’s shirt and splattered around his mouth. It was like some urge had taken over his normally pragmatic attitude. This continued with the pizza, tomato sauce and bits of other toppings making a mess of Nick’s face and outfit.

“Mmpf, sho good.” He couldn’t help but moan out. He could hear Tyler and Derek talking about something, but didn’t pay it enough attention to actually listen. Instead, Nick continued to stuff himself, letting out moans and groans as he ate. Finishing his first plate, he let out a burp and thought “I could eat this stuff all day.” 

Nick reached for his second plate, but noticed a plate holding a rack of ribs in front of him. That wasn’t always there, was it? Maybe it was one of the plates Tyler had gotten him. Either way, the barbecue smell was tantalizing and Nick started to chow down on the ribs. The meat fell right off the bone, leaving his face covered with bits of ribs and barbecue sauce. More moans were elicited from the man, followed by a fart that went unnoticed by everyone at the table, including Nick. “Man, why am I so hungry?” Nick thought as he tore apart more of the ribs. 

Finishing the last of the ribs, Nick let out a belch just as Derek spoke up.

“So Nick,” He started, shoving a donut into Amir’s mouth, “Tyler told me that you were actually the one who proposed the idea of gaining.”

Nick’s eyes went wide. “Hu-URRRP” He barely got out before belching. Absentmindedly, he shoved some fries in his mouth as he tried to process the conversation.

“What’s wrong honey? Don’t you remember asking me to cook more for you?” Tyler asked.

“No, I explicitly remember saying-URRRRRRRP. God damn why am I so gassy?” Nick complained, losing his train of thought. 

“Here, you’re just bloated. Keep eating and let me help.” Tyler said, holding another pizza slice in front of Nick’s mouth. They then started to rub Nick’s stomach, causing him to realize a few things.

First, Nick let out a moan, discovering how good it felt when his partner massaged his stomach. It caressed some gas out, but it was worth it for more room and just the feeling in general.

Second, Nick felt Tyler’s hand right on his stomach. Not the button up shirt he was wearing, but his bare skin. Looking down, Nick realized the bottom button of the shirt had popped open, leaving a bit of his stomach on for show.

“Whoa, what the he-mmpf, mmmh.” Nick could barely get out before being fed more. 

“Shh, just relax baby.” Tyler cooed. Nick wasn’t used to Tyler being so dominant.

“Babe I’m…getting fat…fast…” Nick said between mouthfuls of food.

“I know right! It’s so sexy how your body’s basically just…giving up!” Tyler nearly panted out.

Nick felt like he should be disgusted by what Tyler said, but, against all instinct, he could feel blood rushing towards his dick. He opened his mouth to say something, but Tyler shoved a wing in instead. Nick habitually chewed the wing, opening his mouth once again to say something, but was just fed more by his partner. 

Tyler continued to feed Nick more and more, with Nick realizing that they should’ve run out of food awhile ago. He felt more air on his stomach, and, when he went to reach for it, felt that it wasn’t bloated at all. Instead, Nick could jiggle his stomach and grab at the rolls that made it up. His partner took advantage of this, squeezing the stomach to coax more belches and farts out as Nick ate. Nick could barely resist, the feeling of Tyler’s hands on his stomach still igniting an electric feeling in him.

“You’re becoming such a pig.” Tyler whispered as he held a cupcake in front of Nick’s mouth.

“I’m not a-URRRRRP-ooohhh.” Nick barely got out. The more he ate, the harder it was to believe what Tyler was saying was false. 

“Babe. I look-URRRP-a mess.” Nick breathed out before he was fed more. Sauces now dripped onto his belly, with red and yellow stains bleeding into his top. Though, it wasn’t like the top was hiding much, just acting as a cover for Nick’s inflated chest. Faint outlines of enlarged nipples could be seen through the fabric. His pants didn’t fare much better, as his rear had pushed them down so far just his boxers were keeping it from being exposed to the public. If he ate much more, his ass crack would probably be visible to the people at the table behind them.

“Aww, don’t worry Nick-y. Amir’s bursted his shirt open too.” Tyler said, as if being compared to that fat pig of a man offered any recompense. 

Though, it did remind Nick to actually check his surroundings and look across the table. Amir looked absolutely stuffed, but was still eating more. His ginormous stomach was out and exposed, his moobs the only hidden part of his upper body. Sweaty, dirty rolls were exposed, and if Nick could look under the table he would see that there were tears in Amir’s pants as well. Despite this, all he could hear from Amir was moans of “More,” or satisfied groans of pleasure.

“Man, Amir looks pretty filthy Derek.” Tyler commented as they fed Nick more. At this point, Nick could barely resist eating whatever was held up in front of his face, thanks to his paranormal hunger. 

“Yeah, he tends to get pretty worked up when we’re out eating.” Derek commented. He fed Amir another burger, mustard dripping from his double chin and onto what was left of his shirt. “Your pig seems to be pretty messy too.” Derek said, pointing at Nick.

“C’mon man, I’m not that dir-URRRRRP,” Nick belched out. It was getting harder and harder to fight back against the comments Derek and Tyler made about him. 

Nick farted before Tyler fed him and spoke up, “Yeah, I tried to keep cleaning him for the longest time, but he’s gotten so fat and lazy that getting him to fit into the shower is too much of a struggle.” Sweat dampened Nick’s underarms and in between his moobs. His exposed rolls of fat felt cool with the sweat dripping off of them in the air conditioned room. Even more food stains appeared on Nick’s shirt and skin. Gas flowed out of him even more easily now.

“URRRRP-urgh, fuck.” Nick panted before farting and being fed more.

“Y’know, he’s gotten so lazy he stopped bothering with shaving. I was a little concerned at first, since he was so obsessed with it before, but I think it’s super hot now.” Tyler went on, rubbing Nick’s stomach.

Hair started to sprout on Nick’s exposed skin, his belly going from shiny and clear to sweaty and hairy. The same could be said about his chest and arms. Peach fuzz appeared on his cheeks at first, but the hair on his chin and upper lip thickened to look like a darker shade of fur. Bits of food appeared in the fur on his face, which Nick instinctively tried to lick out. 

Finally, the third button burst on Nick’s top, leaving only one button to keep his shirt together. Not like it was holding anything back, as essentially all of Nick’s sweaty, bloated, hairy body was exposed. He looked more like a bear than the pig Tyler and Derek had teased him of being.

“Damn! I didn’t think Amir would be the last one to burst out of his shirt!” Derek admitted, sounding genuine for the first time that night.

“Urgh, babe, URRP, I want more.” Nick gasped out, lust on his breath. 

Smiling, Tyler gave him a peck on the cheek and said, “Of course baby! Wanna come with Derek?”

And with that, the two, bulbous men were left with the scraps of food they hadn’t been fed.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Amir asked after Derek and Tyler were out of earshot. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess.” Nick replied, shoveling bits of fries and nachos into his mouth.

“Why’d you wanna start gaining? From what I’ve heard you used to be super fit.” Amir spoke, picking at bits of fried food on the plates in front of him.

Thinking back, Nick got a headache. It was hard to think about his past. He didn’t really have a reason for doing this, or anything really. Tyler made all of his decisions. 

“I dunno. To make Tyler happy I guess.” Nick slurped down the leftover nacho cheese.

“Nah, I think it’s more than that.” Amir smirked, causing Nick to look up in curiosity. “From one fatty to another, I know it’s more than that. I love that I get to be a lazy pig and do nothing. Derek just takes care of me and feeds me whenever I ask. He gets to decide how big I am and if I’ll ever lose any of this.” Amir went on, motioning to his jiggling body

The words resonated with Nick, causing him to let out a quiet moan as he ate.

“And from the sound of it, you feel similarly.” Amir smiled before continuing to tease, “I bet you love how you’re losing control of your body. Not only is your body growing out of control, but you can’t help but spew gas and make a mess when you eat. It’s like your partner is making you a human pig.” Nick let out a more audible moan as he shoved a half-eaten piece of lasagna in his mouth. Cheese dripped onto his chest, getting entangled in the fur there. He slobbered over some leftover fries before shoving them down his throat.

“Fuck…” was all Nick could pant before devouring more leftovers. Sauces splattered around his mouth and what was left of his button up.

“So Nick, I’ll ask again,” Amir said, eating a whole slice of cake in seconds, “Why do you do it?”

Nick belched and shoved a handful of buttery mashed potatoes into his mouth, “I wanna get bigger. Being fat is so…URRRRRP…so sexy.” Nick moaned out, “I love being treated like a pig.”

Amir smirked, letting out his own belch. The conversation was starting to turn him on even more than he already was with Derek feeding him. Unfortunately, before Amir could take it any further Derek and Tyler arrived back at the table, each with a cart full of food.

“The line’s are getting shorter and shorter. We must’ve come at a good time!” Derek innocently said as he sat next to Amir.

“Everything alright babe?” Tyler asked, sitting next to Nick.

“Urp- more…want more…” Nick belched out. Tyler smiled as his partner and shoved a cupcake into his mouth, smearing the icing all around his lips. Nick just licked up the icing like a pig, not bothering to care how Tyler made a mess of him.

“We’ve got such good piggies, don’t we Tyler?” Derek asked aloud, feeding Amir several brownies.

“They’re so nice and fat, and love to eat so much.” Tyler cooed, relentlessly stuffing food into Nick’s mouth. The boy begged for more while his mouth was full of food, unable to resist wanting more.

About halfway through their carts of food, Amir and Nick just started to mindlessly eat whatever was held in front of their mouths. Grunts and moans of pleasure sounded from their table, though it wasn’t much different from the rest of the buffet. 

Nick moaned as the final button holding his shirt together burst, causing his moobs to flop out and the rest of his upper body to jiggle. The force caused him to belch, of which Tyler cheered him on for. 

“So big…need more…” Nick panted out, barely able to say something before he attacked more food Tyler handed him.

Amir’s shirt didn’t last much longer after that, though Derek did comment about how impressed he was Nick lost his shirt before Amir.

“Such a fat piggy.” Derek teased, grabbing one of Amir’s moobs and jiggling. Amir just moaned, unable to form a coherent thought through the pleasure of gluttony and his growing body.

Though their shirts were basically gone, their pants weren’t fairing much better. Tears could be seen on Nick and Amir’s thighs, with Nick’s ass forcing the back of his pants down so much his rear was really only covered because of his underwear. Plus, his ass had gotten so big and wide that his crack was showing through the gap in his chair. The two cheeks jiggled from the immense force of his farts, Nick enjoying the slight sensation.

As the two neared the end of their carts, Derek and Tyler stuffing them like build-a-bear plushes, the two piggish men could barely contain themselves. Their eyes were glazed over, rolls of fat spilling out due to their lack of clothing. Both were stuck in their underwear, fat bodies completely on display.

Faint creaking could be heard from each man’s chair, but they were so invested in consuming that they didn’t pay attention. 

“Last donut babe. Eat up.” Tyler ordered, Nick opening his mouth wide to devour the morsel. Chewing at a languid pace, Nick eventually ate the last of his meal, celebrating his accomplishment with a weak burp. Just then, his chair came crashing down the ground, Nick’s immense body jiggling from the impact. He let out more gas from the force of the crash, though his moans of joy were louder than his gas. 

“Nick! Are you alright?!” Tyler asked, with genuine concern.

“URRRP! So big…so fat…” Nick moaned out, slowly rubbing his expansive belly as he let out more gas.

Amir fell shortly after, making a similar comment about his size.

“Such a…fat pig…more…” Amir gasped. It wasn’t that he wanted more to eat, but he was so used to asking more more it became habitual.

“I think it’s time to head home. Our piggies need to get to their dessert feast at home!” Derek commented, which elicited pleasant, eager groans from both blobs.

Helping their partners up, Tyler and Derek led their fat pigs to a wide truck in the parking lot. Nick was about to say something about driving separately, but he remembered that no car would be able to hold him comfortably. Plus, this made it easier to get to his feast at Derek’s house.

Their arms under their pigs’, Tyler and Derek slowly helped the two fatties into the back seat of the truck. The seatbelts didn’t fit over their bodies, but their weights were so massive that the belts probably wouldn’t have done much anyways.

Starting on their way home, Nick let out a belch as he watched the buffet slowly travel out of sight.

“You’ve been a pretty good piggy tonight. I love how big you are.” Nick heard Amir say as he leaned over towards Nick. As his body grew closer to Nick’s, so did Amir’s face. It wasn’t long before their lips collided, the two pigs groping each other’s bodies as they made out.

“That was a pretty successful trip considering Nick was even skinnier than you when we got there.” Derek said, noticing the two in the back were preoccupied.

“Well, he had less body fat than me. The muscle was the difficult part. For me, at least.” Tyler said, “Is your shake really that strong? I gave it to Nick like an hour or two before we even left for the buffet.”

“When the food is as fattening as Patty’s it is! I swear, every feeder and their mother has been to that place at least once! I was surprised you’d never been.” Derek commented, causing Tyler to rub the back of his neck.

“I never had the chance to go.” He awkwardly stated, but Derek gave a beaming smile.

“Well now you do!” He said, pointing to the two fat men continue to make out in the back.

Amir and Nick were feeling every crevasse, every roll, every cell of cellulite on each other’s bodies.

“You know what good piggies get, right?” Amir asked with a devious smirk. Nick just moaned, too bothered thinking about fat and food to coherently respond. 

Amir lowered himself, lifting Nick’s heavy belly. Going under, Nick’s moans just got louder and more piggish. When Amir found his target, he nearly let out a squeal. He loved being a fat pig.