#‘ofc we exclusively date bi women who exclusively date men’

[moonmoonthecrabking]

cool, take shots at yourself, i love self aware comedy. but was the biphobia necessary

[butch-reidentified]

Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷

I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.

She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.

I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.

I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.

yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).

idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.

all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.

[yuki-the-gatekeepy]

My last bi girlfriend barely ever even kissed me when we were alone, but was always all over me in public. And by that I mean progressive LGBT-ish settings where this would make her look cool, not places where you'd get so much as a mean side eye for seeming gay.

She called me her "girlfriend" officially in front of a bunch of her new friends she was trying to impress without ever having spoken about it privately with me. She talked endlessly about how gay she was (for things like... wearing converse chucks) in front of all her gay friends.

She never ended up actually having gay sex with me. When the relationship started to get more serious she quickly left me, hooked up with our male dance instructor and left the gay scene where she had been vying for everyone's attention to hang off a tall, masculine man's arm and giggle in her cute dress. In the kinds of places where we didn't used to go dancing, because they have a strict "men lead, women follow" policy for ballroom dancing.

Lesbians do not have this option like bisexual women do. This isn't some piece of theater or an interesting hobby to me that I could drop at any time. I'm actually gay! Yes yes not all bi women are as shitty as my ex girlfriend, duh, but the principle still applies. Our situations are not the same.

Honestly...I 100% agree I completely hate it when these kinds of bi women do this so openly. It's either that or like.."oh I'll ONLY fuck you, but if you want a girlfriend, too bad I only wanna date men" be for real.

There's a special place in both of those situations where I can place my disdain for all of this. We HAVE to speak about this at the same time we talk about how bi women shouldn't simply be persecuted for being bi. These things aren't exactly exclusive topics and I stand by that. I stand especially firmer with lesbians since ofc I am one myself who went through this. Thanks a whole lot :D

[michellezagenda]

not to keep bringing up the same old but your screenshot of that tt vid of "signs ur a lesbian teeheh" and the comphet nonsense should be a big topic to discuss among bisexual women who might feel alienated by other bisexual women. what i mean is, is that no wonder some bi women proclaim to be gay when they're not since the average bi woman tends to be more leaning towards OSA rather than SSA (nothing wrong with that ofc!), tend to want to end up with men rather than women, and/or exclusively date men and only want to hookup with women for fun. its like always looking at the word bi as meaning "only taking the opposite sex seriously and only seeing the same sex as a short term thing" and then when we don't relate to that, we or other people then chime in and say "oh that means you're a lesbian bestie!" which is just. no its hard because ssa-leaning bis/febfems are hated everywhere and get attacked from all sides, yes even in gay/lesbian circles as well. reddit has banned r/febfem so there's just no safe way of meeting other likeminded bi women without going through the hordes of bi women who spit on you for not wanting a male partner or make you apologize to them repeatedly for not wanting to talk about their partners enough. they also proclaim that we are trying to get on the good side of lesbians when all we want is to have a chance at having a serious relationship with a woman; that's not lesbian behavior, that's just same sex attraction behavior. sorry if this got long lol but yeah idk, it's hard to feel secure in our sexuality when our sexuality feels hated on by everyone and then when we do try to make our own spaces, it gets shut down eventually, and then we're just floating through space with no secure anchors to hang onto. and so i think this is why some bi women insist on being called lesbians; its the one only true way of finding community with other women who do want something serious and long-term. its wrong yeah but it makes sense, you know? what says you queen?

yea i get feeling alienated as a bi woman, i still feel alienated bc i just don’t like men as much as a lot of them do. i still find myself trying to force it too…

I wish that bisexuality was treated normally so everyone can know that just because you experience certain things as a bi woman doesn’t make u a lesbian and yea we need spaces where we can talk about being mostly ssa as bi women. This is why so many bi women call themselves lesbians, accidentally or not. I still don’t call myself a febfem bc 1) i think it’s pointless for me personally and 2) idk what the future holds

[menalez]

Hi mena

I wanted to say something about the discourse about lesbians and bi women.

I am critical of both sides. From what I have observed the problem lesbians have with bi women is rooted in the internalized misogyny or homophobia that some bi women (like any other women) have. And that is a very valid reason to be wary of dating bi women. However, while I find the experiences and reason valid I don't appreciate the homophobic (or biphobic if that's what it is idk genuinely) sentiment that sometimes jumps out of people, like in this post-

https://at.tumblr.com/lavendergrrls/698940412613853184/2269lm3efq1o

(Btw I am not lavendergrrls just a person who follows her)

At the same time, I do not appreciate when bi women who have had negative experiences because of lesbians in their lives say lesbophobic things about how lesbians are big,mean bullies and predators who have no humanity. Yk that very well.

I am asking lesbians to understand that many bi women just like any other women are not inherently lesbophobic and when they display weird behaviors it's because of the fetishization of ssa women and misogyny that men force on them. Just the way a "sex worker" (even the "pro sex work" ones) is a victim of patriarchy and not inherently hurting all women as a class. So please it's a request to be careful of the language and phrasing you use when you see a bi women being a victim of the patriarchal and homophobic mindset. If I am wrong in this logic please correct me mena.

And I am requesting bi women to understand that lesbians don't even need any negative experience with bisexuals to not want to date you. It's not wrong to desire a relationship with someone who's exclusively SSA although I agree there are few homosexuals who don't date bi people due to prejudice. And there's no need to use lesbophobic stereotypes to insult lesbians. And it is possible to not generalize lesbians while criticizing an individual simultaneously.

As for political lesbians- idk if you're bisexual or straight or what. But how do you explain homosexuality in nature if sexuality really is a choice according to you?

Btw mena this isn't like a personal message to you, I just want to convey this message through you. So ofc I am definitely not accusing you of any of the above actions. In fact I appreciate how you have handled the yourselves in the past. If you don't want to publish this I respect that.

hey so im gonna respond to what u said specifically in terms of what i disagree with if that’s ok! i can tell you’re coming from a good place & all and im sure u have good intentions, that said, i still disagree with some of it.

this is the post u sent. i don’t think it’s biphobic, nor homophobic. i agree with the elaboration that by virtue of being both OSA & SSA, your experience of your SSA (&OSA) will inherently be different from people who only experience one form of attraction. do i think that means sth bad about bi women or that bi ppl love less or something else that’s negative about bi ppl? no, and i don’t think that was implied in the post so idk why anyone would be offended. then again idk what op exactly meant by it, maybe she meant something more malicious but ive never seen her say anything even slightly hateful to bi women, and i don’t think suggesting their SSA is experienced differently from homosexuals by virtue of also being OSA is wrong.

I am asking lesbians to understand that many bi women just like any other women are not inherently lesbophobic

i disagree with this, i think when we come from homophobic societies ofc we are going to be homophobic and this is gonna be especially more likely for OSA people, OSA women included. homosexuals are forced to confront our internalised homophobia bc it ultimately harms us, bi ppl too to a degree but they aren’t forced to deconstruct homophobic beliefs about being able to choose or exclusive same sex attraction etc in the same way that gay ppl are. we say that white ppl are inherently racist & men are inherently misogynistic not bc there’s some biological component to racism or misogyny but bc when ur part of an oppressor class or a class privileged over an oppressed class then u are more likely to take in and not examine prejudices against them which exist in society.

and when they display weird behaviors it's because of the fetishization of ssa women and misogyny that men force on them. Just the way a "sex worker" (even the "pro sex work" ones) is a victim of patriarchy and not inherently hurting all women as a class. So please it's a request to be careful of the language and phrasing you use when you see a bi women being a victim of the patriarchal and homophobic mindset. If I am wrong in this logic please correct me mena.

idk i feel like this is not equivalent. sex workers are directly being harmed by misogyny and by johns and pimps. they are being victimised repeatedly but they aren’t somehow harming women by being in sex work. they’re trying to survive and i don’t think the OSA women like that one woman who lured a lesbian into her house which ended w the lesbian being raped & murdered by the OSA woman’s boyfriend is necessarily doing it out of survival.

OSA women often will benefit from harming lesbians in various ways, sex workers don’t benefit from it they’re in fact the ones being directly harmed. maybe this applies to those rich women on onlyfans but not the avg sex worker who’s often a street prostitute or a stripper or in other fields of sex work that are traumatising & often even dangerous.

otherwise tho i agree with u and i do think there should be care in addressing bi ppl as well bc they’re still a minority group & face oppression on the basis of SSA, the same way i think ppl should be considerate when talking about idk moc for example bc they still face racism & are a minority (this doesn’t mean i think said groups shouldn’t be questioned or criticised or anything of the sort. just that there’s a line between valid criticism and prejudice)

[gh0stwriting]

MY HC ON SLASHERS SEXUALITIES

I’m gonna do as many as possible and if i forget some uhh tell me and ill add them also this is my personal headcanons this has nothing to do with what you can request, you can also have your own hcs

Also for simplicity’s sake i’m only going to use terms like Gay/Bi/Pan, but you can apply any label that matches that you think fits

Michael Myers

demiromantic/demisexual

I mean ofc mans has trust issues what did you expect

He honestly never expects to find a partner bc of his trust issues and short temper but who knows

Would definitely never make the first move, or the second, or the third

FREDDY KRUEGER

He gives me homophobic vibes ngl

But besides that id probably say pan, he cares more about the,yknow, than the relationship in most cases tho

He definitely has a preference for girls but obviously is open to experimenting, and has countless times

He’s not too keen on settling down but might if he finds the right person

JASON VOORHEES

He seems hetero to me, but mostly bc he’s never had internet access so he probably doesn’t know what gay means, also bc of Pam probably thinks its wrong/weird

If he wasn’t straight he’d probably be panromantic demisexual, if anyone wants to date him he’ll probably try it out, but you aren’t getting more than that without insane trust

Has no gender preference bc he probably already thinks he’s unlovable so he’ll take almost anyone

He’d also try his best to be a good partner but wouldn’t know how

LEATHERFACE

Poor boy just wants someone to love, but also someone strong enough to handle his family

He definitely could not give less of a shit about gender, if you can handle what his family does without running screaming then you’re perfect to him

If he does have a preference it might be towards men simply bc any woman he’s seen is tiny(compared to him) and easy to hurt, and he doesn’t want to do that to his partner

But his perfect partner is literally just someone that’ll cuddle a lot and maybe give massages after a hard days work

CHUCKY/CHARLES LEE RAY

Once again my first thought is hetero, bc Charles seems lowkey homophobic, but he’s also grown a lot as chucky

Also wouldnt surprise me if he said he was bi exclusively for 3somes, but maybe he’s actually bi

Would joke about being a lesbian but only bc he loves his wife and women in general a lot

Definite preference for women, “i mean have you seen them?”, yes chucky we know you love 🍒

PINHEAD

He seems like he just wouldn’t give a shit, so maybe pan, but also poly

Half of his whole thing is pleasure, so as long as he can provide that he’s not too picky, especially bc he knows his appearance is offputting

No strong preference in gender, or appearance, man could really care less about superficial things, he has higher priorities

PENNYWISE

He seems kinda gay to me idk man

Maybe its the fact that i personally have never seen a straight man wear pantaloons, a blouse and pompoms at once

“Oh but he’s a clown” no janet he’s a homosexual

He definitely has a preference for pretty people, he’s a little shallow but give him a break, they’re thousands of years old

WOMEN

ROSE THE HAT

Ok i think rose would be bi

She’s lived several lifetimes and has had time to experience it all

I think she’s fairly neutral with a slight preference towards women due to the tenderness that seems to come more easily from them

Though she has been known to experiment even during her relationships so i think she’s also poly

TIFFANY VALENTINE

Definite bi, 100%

I mean have you seen here in the tv series, or at all? She loves women, maybe more than chucky sometimes

Strong feminine preference, regardless of gender or lack thereof, she just wants her partner to be pretty like she is

Also if her partners fem she’d definitely do their makeup and share clothes bc she obviously has the best fashion sense

AMANDA YOUNG

Listen, most people think she has a thing for John but i’d prefer to view it as a father/daughter dynamic so i’m gonna say she’s a lesbian

From her own experiences men are more aggressive and thats the last thing she needs at this point

She just wants a cute girl that can protect her and treat her right

[terfslying]

All longanon answers:

also why does nobody care that gc men/radfems talk positively about intersex issues FOR THEIR OWN SAKE not just to confuse people about sex. Some of us have CAH or AIS, PAIS. 2nd, a GC opinion: men want uteri & to go by she? Go for it. I think it's reactionary, & I'll be open about that, but it's not my choice. But pushing lines like "lesbians like dick, afab-exclusive=fetish" is WRONG. My family has already brought up transdick as a gotcha. Too few of yall care about fallout for gnc/gay people.

Not sure if this is out of order however: “afab-exclusive = fetish” is wrong, it’s not a view I support, and I agree there’s fallout for gay people, so why are you telling me off for pushing it when I don’t?

where do I see lesbians like dick? everywhere. Not explicitly here, though implied with referencing that some lesbians might like no-op transwomen. You are carving out a niche balanced view, and I appreciate that. Don't pretend like it's the majority of the trans/nb community, or the liberal or leftist take on things.

Why are you talking to me as if I am speaking for the entire liberal or leftist ‘take’? You’re talking to me, you get my viewpoint.

there's a lot more going on with ‘erase women’s anatomy and oppression’ than I even have knowledge of. But for me some big ones: it's no longer women's reproductive justice. It's pregnant people, despite us all knowing damn well the intersection between our potential reproductive system and how woman has meant (still means) property too often. Femininity isn't social control, it's fun! It's expression, medically necessary, a part of womanhood. Rapes/assault being covered up.

“Pregnant people” vs “pregnant women” is important in medical contexts to prevent female people being denied medical care on account of not being ‘women’. It also makes self-help resources more inclusive for gnc female people.

“Femininity isn’t social control, it’s fun!” - femininity is social control for female people. Non-female people practicing femininity are literally breaking their prescribed gender roles and undermining the patriarchy.

“Rapes/assault being covered up” - specific examples?

And I'm sorry but I've seen some of the same trans-activist people in threads you're on, who you interact with positively, say shit like "anyway terfs die". Now, maybe someone they perceive as a terf has threatened them. Someone I know to be trans has threatened me. Is it ok for me to go online and say "TRAs, die"? Ofc not. So you tell me you call hateful TRAs out equal to calling out terfs, and I have doubts. Perhaps you could title your blog Terfs and Misogynist TRAs lying, and work on that.

I like how manipulatively you have phrased, “someone they perceive as a terf” vs. “someone I know to be trans”. I’ve also seen hundreds of TERFs online post shit like “Trannies die”, and had death threats personally from people I KNOW to be TERFs. Both sides behave like shit in that sense, and both sides feel like they are on the defensive. The only way to end that nonsense is to STOP participating in “well they do _____ so it’s okay for me to do _______”. But guess what? I’m also not the Tumblr police. Do you personally check the blog history of every person you interact with on Tumblr to ensure they’ve never said anything Problematique? Because I don’t, sorry.

re: erasing women's oppression, there's also a deliberate attempt to chuck out all the shit from the 70s you apparently hate. God forbid we misgender a rapist, or "cancel" any man for misogyny, but reading even excerpts from old radical feminists? Heresy, evil, invaders. Quite fucking honestly, I'll look into the history, but this calling some women political lesbian and thus dead to us thing has all sorts of potential as antifeminist slander. Especially if men think they can talk on it.

I’m talking about actual events in the 70’s that set up the trans-discourse-in-lesbian-spaces-non-stop situation, not whatever shit you’re talking about here.

Also, I have literally done readings and annotations of many radical feminist texts on this site. Stop using me as a puppet to argue with every person you’ve ever thought was a TRA.

I’m also curious if when you became "ex-" radfem, does this mean you also became against being critical of porn and critical of the sex industry? Note - critical of the INDUSTRY and culture, as in the corporations and bosses, pimps, traffickers, johns, and the academics, "art", and media who cover it as queer or fun or sexy or a good way to pay off student loans... not the workers or the prostituted (i'm differentiating here based on a spectrum of how much autonomy and liberty is retained)

No, it doesn’t mean that. I’ve said before - I am pro sex-worker and believe in evidence based rules for helping women in that situation, which means no Nordic system, but I don’t believe that you can ‘manage’ any sex workers in a brothel-type situation without it being dangerous.

I also am passionately opposed to all kinds of trafficking and slavery for personal reasons, and that obviously includes people trafficked for sex work.

at the end of the day I'm still just like... why can't women who love cis and trans women (or men who love cis and trans men) just say you're bi and that's your preference? Why does gay and lesbian have to always theoretically be flexible? It's obviously used against us, in a biased manner (again, does anyone really expect and go after straight people to be flexible?) ... and is it really worth it? Is temporary relief of a social construct borne pain worth it?

It’s not for ‘relief of a social construct borne pain’ - it’s just to accurately describe myself.

Because I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. I exist in my city’s lesbian society, as a lesbian who dates lesbians. Then later, I became trans-inclusive. ‘Lesbian’ has to be flexible because human beings are flexible.