#‘if i could go back i’d save his life’ vs ‘if i could go back i’d sacrifice mine alongside him��

[oofmilk]

this is gonna be jumbled no doubt but i’m thinking about my p3 twins/kotone lives au where it’s like…

okay, so makoto becomes the great seal and kotone gets to live. incredibly tragic, but things are ok… ish. enough. kotone’s surviving in the aftermath. then comes the answer, and aw shit, here we go again. when aigis summons makoto’s orpheus, it’s the first time kotone cries about losing her brother since march 5. and this snaps something in her and she becomes sort of very not well, so mitsuru has to intervene and unseat her as leader of sees, instituting aigis in her place. and that’s fine! it’s whatever, it’s fine.

so they’re going about this bullshit again and kotone’s so obviously unwell that really only yukari can bridge that gap to her, and sees well. they sure get through it. until they learn about the keys and the ability to go back and kotone and yukari team up on team “go back to the past.” we all know why yukari’s doing it—to see makoto again and save him—but kotone’s doing it so she can join makoto as part of the great seal like she was always meant to. and she does not tell yukari this!! not until they’re fighting aigis and metis in the coliseum and yukari realizes oh, what? you want to go back so you can basically kill yourself? were we not good enough for you? was i not good enough for you? and kotone’s like that is NOT it you wouldn’t understand

in the end, when kotone realizes she’s being an idiot and makoto gave his life because he wanted her to live and continue to forge bonds like the ones she’s created in the past year, she sobs, again, apologizing profusely, no wonder mitsuru unseated her as leader of sees, she’s fucked up so badly. sees has to tell her that it’s okay, really, they understand, and so kotone keeps going and lives another day, just like makoto wanted her to

[locketsvault]

「 AYATO RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS 」

pairing: ayato kirishima x gender neutral reader

tags: gender neutral reader, human reader, relationship headcanons and scenarios, sfw relationship headcanons, nsfw relationship headcanons

warnings: angst warning for our emo boy, canon gore, nsfw content in the second half of this post, it will be marked so you can skip if uncomfortable! aged up ayato when I get to nsfw content. sexual words used in the nsfw part. not proof read.

request: hii! if it’s not too much could you write something with ayato (tokyo ghoul)? nsfw or sfw, up to you! I’m dying for ayato content ahaha ;; thank youu! (original request found here.)

word count: 1.5k

a/n: I said this in the original request post but I’ll say it here too. I’m very rusty with the plot of tokyo ghoul so forgive me if he’s ooc! I’m also anime only since I’ve been having a hard time reading the manga, though I do know what happens in the manga vs the anime. (If anyone wants me to write a proper fic on how you guys met just ask, I’d honestly love to).

// how the relationship started ⌇˚.༄

⮑ The first time you two met you were walking home from school and got attacked by a rogue ghoul. This ghoul was hunting in a no hunt zone, and you just to happened to be his prey. Ayato was surveying the area when he heard you scream and smelled human blood. Knowing who’s hunting ground it was and that it was probably the rogue ghoul he went over to see what was going on. He was surprised to see that you were fighting back, despite being hold down by the ghouls kagune and seriously injured. You actually managed to injure the ghoul too.

⮑ He took care of the ghoul trying to kill you. While half conscious you heard him mock the guy for hunting in an area with a high count of aogiri members, before tearing his head off. Right after he did you passed out from blood loss. Usually Ayato would’ve killed you or just left you to bleed out, but something about you refusing to give up struck a cord with him. So he sneakily dropped you off at the emergency room and left.

⮑ Next time you guys meet is months later, you recovered fully from the attack, only having scars to show your survival. You were sitting at a coffee shop as the sun set, as a familiar blue haired boy walked inside. At first he didn’t recognize you, and after feeling your gaze on him for a while he turns to yell at you. But suddenly the memories hit him, and he notices that your look is anything but malicious. He decided to bite back his tongue.

⮑ You two would constantly run into each other at that coffee shop. You always have him a genuine smile or silent greeting as he walked by. He found you very peculiar, how you weren’t afraid of him even though he knew damn well you knew he was a ghoul. You didn’t seem uncomfortable around his friends too, and he could tell you knew they were ghouls too.

⮑ You approached him first, having memorized his order. You gave him his coffee one of the times he came in, and thanked him for saving your life. He ofc made a negative quip about how he could care less if you died or not, but you didn’t seem to care. You intrigued him even more. So he told himself he’d give you some of his time. He’d always come to hang out with you, and without realizing it he started falling for you. He hated it.

⮑ He started pushing you away and ignoring you. He stopped showing up to the coffee shop, but he couldn’t help but watch you from afar to make sure you’re safe. One night though you get attacked again when he’s patrolling. And he absolutely loses it. He tears the other ghoul to pieces like a feral animal. He almost hurts you when you walk over to try to comfort him, he’s that crazy.

⮑ He genuinely expected you to be horrified or find him disgusting. Instead you start crying and cup his bloody cheek. His kagune is fully out, his ghoul eyes bright and burning into you, his hair absolutely disheveled. Yet you didn’t seem to care. After you cupped his cheek he could feel his heart pounding, and he slowly started to calm down.

⮑ He let his head fall into your neck as you proceed to hug him, telling him it’s okay over and over. He buried his face into your neck, taking in your scent. He was surprised when he realized the desire he felt over your scent was something quite different than he was used to. He unconsciously started nipping at your neck and scenting you, hoping to protect you as tears streamed down his face.

⮑ That night you two finally come clean about your feelings. And he, reluctantly after lots of reassurance, decides he wants to try being in a relationship with you.

// sfw relationship headcanons ⌇˚.༄

⮑ At the start of your relationship he was very distant and awkward. He wasn’t used to affection and had never been in a committed relationship before.

⮑ He has a habit of stalking you, but not because he doesn’t trust you, he’s just that scared of losing you. You ofc know he does this and you let him, he’s your little protector.

⮑ In front of everyone else he’s an absolute brat, he misbehaves left and right and is very dangerous and powerful. But with you he’s an absolute puppy. Just one touch and he folds.

⮑ You’re the reason he’s able to keep it together as much as he does. You’re always there for him no matter what. Your arms are always open waiting for him when he comes home.

⮑ Speaking of home you two secretly live together once you move out of your parents house. He keeps your relationship as much of a secret as possible. But you don’t mind.

⮑ He panicked the first time you saw him eat leftovers at home. Knowing he eats humans is one thing, seeing it is another. He was scared you’d be uncomfortable or say something inappropriate. So he puffed up like a porcupine ready to defend himself. Instead, you reassured him it was okay. Surprisingly you sat down with him and started eating as well.

⮑ Now though if he eats he will sit next to you nonchalantly and sometimes rest his head in your shoulder as he does. You make him feel that safe.

⮑ He confides in you about his familial issues and all about his big sister. You do your best to help him talk better with Touka, it’s not easy though.

⮑ He’s actually very affectionate when he opens up. He loves hugging and holding you, along with giving you kisses. He tends to greet you with forehead kisses, it’s nice. :>

⮑ He’s pretty good with keeping you up to date on what’s going on in the ghoul world, and you help him with navigating the world as a human.

⮑ You balance each other very well.

// nsfw relationship headcanons ⌇˚.༄

⮑ Ghoul smut, yippee.

⮑ I think we can all agree on the ghouls and pheromones and instincts and stuff like that. I’ve actually read a bunch of stuff on ghouls on this app but it’s been months and I can’t remember so forgive me.

⮑ He’s very very verryyyy possessive. Even from the start.

⮑ He won’t act on it though, he’s not ready and doesn’t want to scare you off. But boy does he get the urge all the time.

⮑ Blood kink. He loves to taste you on his lips. Biting kink too. He will leave marks, and they’ll almost always be enough to draw blood. With consent ofc.

⮑ He actually almost lost control over himself the first time you two made out.

⮑ I should probably mention you turn him on fast. Your smile, your scent, your body language. All of it gets under his skin.

⮑ Your first sexual encounter with Ayato was in an alleyway actually. It was night time, he was walking you to your shared apartment. Somehow, you ended up pressed against the wall, holding onto your boyfriend as his fingers worked magic on you. You desperately tried to stay silent since you were in public but you struggled. Even if he had little to no prior experience he’s naturally talented and knows exactly how you work.

⮑ Your first intercourse was actually kind of sweet. It was when you first moved into your apartment, your building had rooftop access. So you two camped out on the roof to watch the stars. It started off with hand holding and innocent kisses, yet somehow he ended up between your legs pounding into you.

⮑ He prefers doing the work and being dominant when it comes to sexual activity. But sometimes he will let you on top. He can’t resist the sight of you riding him.

⮑ He’s very touchy, his hands are always all over you. No matter the position you can feel his hand sliding up your inner thighs or sides.

⮑ The first time you asked him to fuck you as a ghoul he was hesitant, worried you’d be scared. He was shocked instead when you came hard the first time. He will usually let his eyes show, but sometimes he will let out his kagune too upon request.

⮑ Ayato is average length and thick, and he knows how to use it. He loves his cock, I’m sorry but he does. He loves when you try to stroke him off, or when you get down on your knees for him instead. But most of all he loves the look on your face when he makes you cum with it.

⮑ Ghouls have extra strength so he has to be careful with you, there are definitely some times where he’s accidentally hurt you while learning your limits.

⮑ He doesn’t use protection. He knows you’re both clean, and if you’re afab since you’re human he honestly believes he can’t knock you up. That being said though, he loves breeding you.

main hub ✦ masterlist ✦ to do list

[cakerybakery]

I’d like to write a one shot about Adam being reborn on Earth and becoming a priest. I had a story idea a few months about about a priest that agrees to meetings each week with the devil to save his congregation, that would be a fun premise for getting Adam and Lucifer to fuck. Especially if combined with that temptation war AU I was thinking about the other day.

It’s Lucifer and Lilith’s turn to pick a vice vs virtue and as they lost Lust to Chasity a few rounds ago so they’re going to try it again. Adam and Eve have chosen to born into highly religious families with the goals of becoming members of the cloth once they’re adults again to resist the temptation of lust.

Lucifer and Lilith wait until Adam and Eve have grown up again. Part of the rules. Just as Adam and Eve will only be born with the vague feeling that they’re doing something important, Lucifer and Lilith cannot tempt them as children. Should Adam or Eve die or sin before they’re considered adults with all the rights and responsibilities required to be an adult then it would be a tie for the round and their sins would not count as Lilith and Lucifer aren’t tempting them.

Eve grows up to become a nun. She chose well and resists the temptations of hell her whole life. Much to the frustration of Lilith.

Adam grows up to become a priest but when members of his congregation sell their souls to the devil for things such as wealth, power, or talent and the devil comes a calling Adam is desperate to protect his people.

“Then let’s make a deal. So long as you meet with me I’ll leave your sinners alone. Perhaps one day you’ll convince me to let their souls go. Although I’d rather add a priest to the notches on my bedpost.”

Adam takes a step back from the devil’s out stretched hand. He couldn’t believe people in his congregation had made deals for their souls to this man, nor could he believe he was taller than the devil by a few inches. He always seemed bigger in the stories.

Were a few sinners worth risking his soul? His place in heaven? The devil’s deal said nothing about his soul and he did not plan to have sex until marriage he could be confident that he couldn’t be tempted into the sin. The devil was hardly his type. While he was partial to blonds, but he also liked it when they came with tits. He wasn’t in any danger of finding this guy attractive.

“Deal.” Adam took Lucifer’s hand and they shook on it.

“I will come every Sunday night. From 7 pm until 7 am your time is mine. Play your cards right and you’ll be cumming to.” Lucifer winked and vanished.

Adam’s hand burned. He hoped his congregation was worth it.

Sunday came and he put extra emphasis on people needing to resist the devil and his temptation. Hoping at least to not lose more to the short bastard.

He waited back at his small apartment that evening, wondering how he was going to entertain the king of hell for twelve hours. Did he need to stay up all night? What was the devil even going to do? Should he put on a movie? Adam had been on a few dates before, but he’d never been as nervous about them as he was about this meeting.

A date he could navigate. He planned to be a priest most of his life. He always made that clear and that a date was simply a date and he had no plans to have sex before marriage. Some girls he just never clicked with and they didn’t date for long. One he thought he would marry but she left the church and him. She’s apparently happy with a family of her own on the other side of the country, according to Facebook anyways.

This was unusual to say the least. He prepared a sermon but if the devil couldn’t be swayed by god what chance did he have? What would they discuss? What could they discuss if the devil’s goal was to bed him? Would he have to spend twelve hours trying to push the devil’s hands off him? Telling him no and trying to squirm away?

Adam caught sight of himself in the mirror, his face was turning pink, he hadn’t realized he was biting his own lip. That wasn’t good. Was there a reason things never clicked with women?

His clock began to chime and there was a knock on the door, tearing him from his thoughts.

Opening the door, Adam didn’t know what to expect. Lucifer wore a casual suit for their meeting, the top few buttons undone, hatless, he pressed a small bouquet of flowers into Adam’s hands and carried a bottle of wine.

Adam could feel his face burning red. This was a date. He was on a date with the devil in his apartment.

“Going to invite me in, darling?” Lucifer winked up at him and Adam stumbled back tongue-tied.

“Co-come in.” What had he done? This was bad. This was a bad time to be figuring out that maybe he was more into men than he thought.

He shook his head, no. He wasn’t into guys. He wasn’t interested in men last week. This had to be some trick of the devil. A trick of the rather handsome devil taking off his suit jacket and rolling his shirt sleeves up and talking to him about glasses? He didn’t wear glasses. Why did the devil want to know where his glasses were?

Lucifer held up the bottle looking as confused as Adam was feeling and it clicked.

“I don’t have wine glasses! I-I don’t drink, much.” He had the occasionally beer but never really acquired a taste for it and it was more to be polite than anything.

He also didn’t have a vase. No one had ever given him flowers before and he never bought any for himself. Where should he put this? What did he do?

Almost like he was taking pity on him, Lucifer flashed him a soft smile that made Adam’s heart race, and brushed past Adam to go into the kitchen.

He opened and closed cupboards until he found the glasses and pulled a couple down.

“This will do.” Lucifer poured them some wine, “shall we have dinner? I’m a fantastic cook.”

Adam left the flowers propped up in the sink and filled it with the tap until he could find something else for the flowers to go in.

He hadn’t thought about dinner. For the past couple hours he had been fretting over what to say and skipped his own supper. Adam had been too busy to do much shopping either.

“How about take out?”

“It would give me more time to seduce you.” Lucifer’s hand groped Adam’s ass and Adam jumped.

“You know what,” Adam backed out of the kitchen, “you should cook.”

Lucifer just smiled, “anything you say, dear.”

Adam retreated to the living room while the devil cooked in his kitchen. His classes never prepared him for this. It was always more theoretical and metaphorical. The devil tempting you with the easy path, not by coming to your apartment with flowers and wine, not by cooking you dinner and groping your ass.

He talked to Adam. Asked him questions about his life. Spoke to Adam as though he had known him all his life. Like this wasn’t the first time the devil tried to seduced him.

Adam knew he didn’t have ribs in the fridge but there they were on a plate. He didn’t have apples either, but there was a pie. Adam wasn’t sure he had most of the ingredients used in the meal and wondered if he would be damned if he ate it.

“It’s fine. I conjured what I needed.” Lucifer poured himself another glass, “you’re not Persephone and damned to the under world if you eat my cooking.”

Still, Adam picked at the food, the man telling him this was the prince of lies. He could easily be lying.

“If it was easy cooking you a meal then I wouldn’t need twelve hours.”

Adam supposed that was true. But the truth could be as effective as a lie if told properly. His stomach growled and he took a bite.

Fuck. It was delicious. Adam dug in vaguely aware that Lucifer was watching him.

“You humans have a saying. ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ And I get the feeling of if I want into your bed it’ll have to be through your heart. So I’m glad you’re enjoying my cooking so much.”

Adam felt a foot run up and down his leg and quickly pushed himself back away from the table. He finished his supper awkwardly far from the table and his plate as quickly as he could. Before slamming back his glass of wine.

“How about we watch a movie?” Without waiting for an answer Adam left the table and dishes. Something he wasn’t prone to doing on his own. He switched on the tv and clicked through some menus and screens to turn on the first movie he found. Adam sat ridged in an armchair. Assuming Lucifer would be unable to touch him if the seat was for one.

He was wrong.

Lucifer sat in his lap. “All you have to do is tell me no.” He sunk his fingers into Adam’s hair and cozied up close.

Adam’s tongue wouldn’t work. He couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to say no. “I’m waiting until marriage!”

Lucifer kissed his neck as Adam clung to the arm rests like a lifeboat in the sea.

Lucifer’s hands wandered and Adam could only whimper. When they reached Adam’s belt he found his voice. “Marry me!”

Pausing his hands, Lucifer pulled away from Adam’s neck, “what?”

“Marry me. You want to fuck a priest? Then marry me. You can fuck me as much as you want then. But you have to let my congregation go.”

“That! I! Uhh!”

Adam grabbed Lucifer by the waist and kissed him for all he was worth. Lucifer twisted his hands into Adam’s sweater and returned the kiss, “okay.” Was all he could say when Adam pulled away.

Lucifer’s face was flushed and eyes half closed, Adam saw his chance. He continued his assault on the devil’s lips and texted with one hand to John, a fellow priest, to bring his wife and to come over quick.

It didn’t need to be legal. Not in the eyes of the government. It wasn’t like the fucking devil could sign paperwork. But they could make it official in the eyes of the lord.

John held Adam’s spare key and let his wife and himself into Adam’s apartment.

The sight was more horrific than either had imagined. They had thought perhaps Adam had hurt himself and didn’t want to go to the hospital. Mary was a nurse after all. They expected blood and stitches. Not to see a demon pinned to the floor by Adam. Their necks red with hickies, disheveled, and leftover dinner still warm on the table.

“What the fuck, Adam?”

“Marry us. Quickly.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell you later. I have the-the paper thingy in my desk with,” Adam groaned as the devil rubbed them together. “Words and shit! Just do it!”

John did as he was told. Speeding through to the vows.

“Names! What’s his name?”

“Lucifer Morningstar.” The devil laughed.

John fumbled with the papers. Not a demon but the very king of hell himself.

He finished the vows they said their I do’s and Adam screamed at him to get out.

Mary prayed in the car as they drove home. He didn’t know what unholy deed he had just been apart of but he couldn’t escape the feeling that he had just helped someone or something greater than himself. He couldn’t figure out if it was for the side of good or evil.

The deed was done, Adam let Lucifer go and let himself be ravaged.

His favourite sweater was torn beyond repair in Lucifer’s quest for more flesh to assault with his hands and mouth. His pants would never recover. He let himself be carried to his bed and pressed into it.

Adam briefly realized this was going to be his first time and that the devil was unlikely to let him top. When he pictured this moment, his wedding night, this was nothing like he imagined. At the very least he assumed he would be the one doing the fucking.

Those thoughts vanished as Lucifer’s mouth engulfed his dick whole.

Very suddenly he didn’t care. Not if Lucifer kept doing that thing with his tongue. He could feel himself being worked open and wondered very briefly what his husband was using, then Lucifer did that thing with his tongue and the thought was gone.

Adam didn’t know, Adam didn’t care, Adam just wanted more, Adam was rewarded with it.

He writhed and screamed out, he was sure the neighbours would call the police.

It was only after, as they lay gasping in his bedsheets, that it occurred to Adam what he had done.

“You win.” Lucifer pried himself up from the bed. “This round is yours, Adam.”

Memories flooded back. Eden, heaven, hell, the war they were waging that rested on the shoulder’s of he and Eve.

“I didn’t think flowers and dinner would work that fast.”

“You prick! You fucking bastard! You tricked me!” Adam hit Lucifer with a pillow.

“Well, yeah. That’s my lot in this war.” He let Adam hit him, knowing that Adam was embarrassed. It wasn’t like a pillow could actually harm him and they both knew it.

Adam exhausted himself. He was a bit sore and emotionally drained. “What do you mean I won?”

“This round was lust. I was trying to get you to give into having pre-marital sex. I have to admit, I was so flabbergasted by you actually calling over someone who could marry us that I went with it.”

“Aren’t you already married? Doesn’t that mean we’re not married? Shouldn’t you have won that round?”

Lucifer shrugged. “Kinda. Not on Earth though. And you didn’t know about my marriage to Lilith. But you remember and so long as Eve doesn’t give in before she dies, then this round goes to heaven.”

“It’s weird. To remember while I’m still alive.”

“Yeah, usually I get your whole life to tempt you. If you marry then I tempt you with cheating. Or whatever. This was a loophole I didn’t see coming.”

Adam wasn’t sure what to do now. He should probably explain things to John. But how much? What did this mean for Lucifer and him? Apparently what they did was good enough for God to declare Adam the victor. So he was, in this life and in the eyes of God, married to Lucifer. Oh this life’s father would be pissed if he knew.

He started laughing as ideas came to him. He should go back home to his parent’s place, show up with his husband, the fucking devil. That would be hilarious.

What would his congregation think? Well, seeing as a few of them made deals with the devil he could just leave out the wage between heaven and hell and let them all know their slate had been wiped clean and it was thanks to him bending over.

Fuck it. Adam flopped down onto the bed. He would worry about it later.

Lucifer rolled closer, “sooo, you want to cuddle?”

Adam shoved him off the bed.

“That wasn’t a no!”

—-

For fuck’s sake! I wasn’t trying to write a story! Who keeps letting me have ideas?

[spitdrunken]

thank you so much for all the rollo content,, highlight of my days, really.. for yan alphabet L, I, H and X? think X will depend quite a bit on whether reader is a mage or not tbh. rather than a sense of worship he’d feel like he’s saving them lol

notes: yandere

i’m glad you’ve been enjoying it :D!! i really like writing for rollo myself <3 a lot of my headcanons differ from mage vs. magicless reader, so honestly it’s always a bit hard to balance them HAHA i tend to focus mostly on magicless reader since mc is one, and otherwise i’d be writing two sets of headcanons for every post. pls feel free to ask for stuff with mage reader tho :3!! 

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Rollo likes to think of a calm and simple future with you. In a world without magic, where no one will be senselessly harmed any longer, and he’s found peace within himself. After he’s fulfilled his ultimate goal, what more could he hope to achieve with his life? The rest of his days, he could devote to you, and never grow bored of it. He doesn’t want extravagance or excitement, just you would be enough. In his fantasies, neither of you ever has to work or leaves to meet with friends. It’s just the two of you. 

More specifically, he imagines a small, happy wedding, with one chair left empty for his little brother. He imagines living in a small home in the City of Flowers, or a cottage in walking distance from the city walls; he could never go far from his beloved city. Rollo enjoys the thought of himself baking for you, though whatever he makes will likely pale in comparison to the bakeries he loves so much.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Rollo yearns for quite a while, as he believes his personal feelings shouldn’t take precedence over his goal. None of this is your fault, and he is not upset with you for it. As his plans begin to fall more and more into place, he may be more likely to approach you. Before that, he still watches you whenever he has the chance, and zones out if you’re in his field of vision. He has extensive notes on you, your likes and dislikes, your family tree, and all of your social connections. If he’s particularly smitten, you could find yourself having a ‘secret admirer’, leaving letters in flawless handwriting accompanied by a croissant or some local sweets.  

Once he finally makes up his mind to approach you, he can hardly contain himself. His hands are folded behind his back, otherwise you would see how much he’s fidgeting. Rollo’s face is as calm as it would be at any other time. If not for the blush creeping onto his face, you wouldn’t be able to tell anything was amiss. 

“May I have a moment of your time?” He would say, lightly bowing his head. Rollo would ask you out on a date, or an ‘outing’ as he calls it, promising to show you all of the beauty the city has to offer, and ensuring you’ll enjoy yourself. 

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Sweat beads on your forehead, despite your distance from the fire. Rollo is pressed against your back as he leans his full weight against you, his chest stuttering with how fast he’s breathing. He’s clutching the railing so tightly that his knuckles are white. Below you, the world has descended into a hellscape of flames, yelling, and raw desperation. Some of them are your friends, and some of them you might not have known as well, but still- You cannot believe they were deserving of this fate. He presses his face against you. Rollo is shaking all over, and so does his voice.

“As foolish as they are... These villains’ salvation is truly a beautiful sight to behold, isn’t it?”

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

You are different from him. Where he is inherently cursed, burdened by magic, you are pure and clean existence. The sinner, and the saint, extending their hand to him in their endless mercy. Though he wouldn’t go as far as to directly worship you, he very much considers you as more valuable and worthy than himself. Even once he is fully ‘cleansed’, he’d continue to be hard on himself when it comes to you. He takes your opinion of him very, very seriously. 

If you were to deny him, you would really be putting him in a tough position. Rollo feels guilty about placing the burden of his feelings on you, but he can’t rid himself of them either. You’ve rooted yourself in his mind, and he cannot get you out. He would try to become friends with you instead, trying to convince himself that it would be enough, all the while lying to himself. Rollo would constantly be teetering on the edge of giving in. There would come a moment he would snap and give into temptation, apologising while he does so and forever cursing himself, but secretly being glad to finally being able to touch you.

[samobservessonic]

Why do you want to read Sonic the Comic?

The short answer is because it was my intro to the Sonic series as a whole, but I haven’t reread most of it since I was a kid. But I’ll go into a little more detail about that below the readmore, as well as outlining what I will and won’t be reading for this blog

Sonic the Comic issue #80 rewired my brain and changed my life

Now, the first issue of StC that I bought as a kid was #80. I should add a disclaimer here that there was a kid I knew back then who recommended me the comics - she had issues #78 and #79, so I probably at least glimpsed those as well. But #80 was the first issue that I had for myself (and I still have my copy!), so that’s the one that gave me my first impression of Sonic

I’m sure StC fans will know why this issue was a big one and even Sonic fans who have a casual familiarity with StC will probably see Super Sonic on the cover and guess that a lot of stuff happens in this issue… and you’d be right! I’ll save the review for when I actually get to this issue in my reread, but the basic premise is that Sonic goes to visit his friend Porker Lewis on the Floating Island (later known as Angel Island in the games), where the chaos emeralds and master emerald are kept suspended above a giant… hole thing that holds their power (kid me didn’t ask questions, adult me still doesn’t). Sonic fell in this hole and got a full whack of their power, turning him into the evil Super Sonic who’s hellbent on destroying the last person who’d been on Sonic’s mind, who happened to be Amy Rose

The story ends on this cliffhanger and I can pin-point this single image as the reason I got into Sonic in the first place

…Like, look at this!! The art is so cool! What’s going to happen to Amy Rose? Why has Sonic turned into a crazy powerful being who wants to kill her? I have to know more! I have to get the next issue and maybe devote my entire life to this series! Like, Super Sonic looks so powerful and Tails looks terrified of him! But Amy still looks quite calm and collected. Maybe she’s only just noticed Super Sonic zooming into the scene or maybe she’s just composed enough to not be as fearful of him as Tails is. Obviously, even without knowing anything about the series, I could tell that Amy is Sonic’s friend and I want her to be okay. But something about seeing her reaction in this panel made it seem like the “Next Issue: Amy vs Super Sonic!” advertised at the bottom of this page wouldn’t be as one-sided as some might expect it would be And that’s how, on (roughly) 21st June 1996, an 8-year-old who’d just spent their £1.20 pocket-money had their socks blown off by a Sonic comic (Out of curiosity, I looked up where Archie Sonic was at around this time and it was… issue #37! The Knuckles spin-off comics would also be released the month after this. But I wouldn’t know about the existence of either of these until later)

Now, 80 issues into an on-going series is obviously a late point to hop on, but I can honestly say that it never hindered me reading the comics as a kid. Every two weeks I’d get to see Sonic and his friends have adventures and sometimes they’d mention established lore that I might not have known, but it was easy just to write that off as something from an earlier issue and carry on Also, after a certain point, StC started to reprint older stories. Which was both a blessing and a curse, because on one hand it meant that I could catch up with older stories I hadn’t read before, but on the other hand it deprived the issues of newer stories, until the comic would eventually become entirely reprints from issue #185. Even so, I can confidently say that there are probably stories in the first 79 issues of the series that I’ve never read, so I’m looking forward to getting to those on my read-through So, will you stop reading at issue #184? While I intend to read from #1-184, the reprints issues do feature new covers from Richard Elson

Many of which show newer takes on earlier stories, featuring the green-eyed Sonic of the modern era. So while it’s far away now, I’ll most-likely do a post about these covers to conclude my read-through. Although man, looking at #185’s cover in particular puts me right back into being there as a kid, expecting to see new stories, only to open the comic and get entirely reprints…

Will you be reading the non-Sonic stories?

Early on in its run, StC featured stories from other SEGA titles of the time, before committing to being entirely about Sonic. While not to diminish the merits of these stories, I just don’t have the same familiarity with most of their source material that I do for Sonic, so I won’t be reading them. The exceptions being probably the Ecco stories (because I did play Ecco as a kid) and Decap Attack, because Decap Attack was still running after I started reading the comic and I remember enjoying it. But I won’t be blogging about either of these in the same way that I will be the Sonic comics themselves, so you won’t have to skim past posts about loads of other series to get to the Sonic stuff

What about the Sonic spin-offs?

I will absolutely be reading these once I find or make a good reading-order that slots them into their proper place. The above summer ‘96 special was also one of my first StC issues and I remember it fondly

What about the Captain Plunder stories?

Yep! Captain Plunder exists in Sonic’s universe and I enjoyed his standalone stories as a kid, so I’ll be including him in my reread Anything else?

For a time, StC included game reviews and ofc they also had a fanmail and fan art section, like Archie and IDW. For the most part, I’ll only be including small bits of these that I find interesting or relevant, but I won’t be talking about them wholesale. Though I’m sure that a Sonic comic’s reviews of Sonic games will be worth a look at

[ivanttakethis]

Before Round 5 - Tov’s Log

Rose (?) vs. Sai (?) -> ??? Win

————————————————————

Cassio arrived home well after midnight.

They murmured a soft greeting and goodnight before retiring to their room.

Tov was still on the couch, trying in vain to process all of the events of Round 4.

She kept coming back to that image of Himei, covered in blood that wasn’t her own. The lost look in her eyes.

Her heart twisted painfully.

Tov needed to talk to her. She wouldn’t be able to sleep if she didn’t.

She turned off all the lights in the living room, quietly shut her bedroom door behind her, and punched in the number for Himei’s room phone.

She’d memorized the number off of a contestant call sheet Cassio left lying around.

Tov tried not to think about whether Cassio left the paper out on purpose or not as the line rang.

And rang.

And rang.

And rang.

Finally, a soft click.

“…Hello?” It was Himei.

But it also wasn’t Himei.

Her voice was too hollow, too flat and distant to be that of the friend Tov knew so well.

“Himei?”

“Tov?” Himei sounded surprised. “Are you still here?”

Tov frowned. “At the competition? No. I’m at home.”

“Oh…”

“Cassio brought me back here after my— incident at the end of Round 3. They wouldn’t let me come back for Round 4 to see you perform.” She continued.

Himei didn’t respond.

The only reason Tov knew that the line was still connected was because she could hear Himei’s uneven breathing.

Tov waited.

She was used to waiting out lulls in conversations. They never made her uncomfortable.

“I won.” Himei said blankly.

“I know.” Tov said. “I saw.”

“I… I won.” She still sounded far away, but not in space. In time.

She was stuck in a loop. Stuck back on that stage. Stuck reliving Min’s death over and over again.

Tov needed to break her out of it.

“Where’s Tallis?” She asked amidst another long stretch of dead air.

The silence stretched longer.

Himei shifted on the other end of the line, her voice no louder than a murmur, “He doesn’t think he’ll win his round.”

Tov closed her eyes and sighed.

“He will.”

He has to.

If Tallis died, part of Himei would die.

Part of Tov would die too.

She couldn’t patch them both back up.

When Tov opened her eyes again, her gaze was drawn to the window.

Azure, Moran, and Stasya’s constellations adorned the dark sky just outside.

Tov hadn’t had a chance to tell Himei about them yet. That gave her an idea.

“Can you see the stars from your room window?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah. I can.” Himei sounded caught off guard, but a little bit more like herself.

“I named some more constellations after our late classmates.”

“Stasya… and Moran.” She said, her voice tinged bittersweet.

“Azure too.” Tov added. “They’re up in the sky near ours. I can point them out to you, if you want?”

“Yeah,” Himei sniffed, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Do you want to name one after Min too?”

She was quiet again, but only for a moment. “I think… I think she saved my life.”

“Me too.”

“She thanked me, but I never got the chance to thank her in return.”

“This could be your thank you.” Tov said.

“You’re right. I’ll try.” She can hear the small smile in Himei’s voice.

Tov turned fully to her window and set her eyes on the sky, “Remember, use the North Star as our guide…”

————————————————————

This is basically End of Round 4 Part 2.

It spawned almost entirely out of my interpretation that Himei hallucinated seeing Tov after Round 4 in @lookatmysillies’s follow up log from Himei’s POV (so sorry if I misinterpreted what you wrote, my brain went straight to hallucination and would NOT let me go 😭)

Plus this gave me the chance to honor Min ( @starry-skiez ) since she saved Himei’s life, and therefore saved what remains of Tov’s sanity.

Himei and Tallis belong to @lookatmysillies and Min belongs to @starry-skiez.

Azure ( @azureitri ), Moran ( @geospiral ), and Stasya ( @billwasnot ) are also here haunting the narrative!

[spinningbuster98]

Metroid Other M Part 7: You're authorized to go to Hell, Adam

The gravity section before Nightmare is actually pretty cool. It’s actually a much more appropriate use of the Gravity Suit than simply limiting it to underwater usage. However this further proves what I said a long time ago about the authorization mechanic just straight up not being in synch with the story: Adam is no longer present, Samus takes the opportunity to reactivate her Space Jump and Screw Attack...but not the Gravity Suit. Even though she needs it and, again, Adam’s no longer around to be a dick to her. See? The devs thought about building a cool gameplay setpiece without bothering to think about its story consequences. Now Samus looks like a moron, again

Speaking of morons...

Yeah it’s the Adam shoots Samus scene. What you all came to see. Whoo. Much hype. Very yikes

Let’s start with Adam

The game has a very nasty and unfortunate tendency to, unintentionally, create a contrast between how Samus describes Adam VS how he actually acts. Throughout the game Samus does nothing but shower Adam with praise of all kinds, commenting on not only his military genius but also on how compassionate and “fatherly” he was towards her. Yet the guy that we actually see on-screen is the complete opposite: he’s a spiteful control freak obsessed with protocol, who doesn’t know how to manage having such a useful asset as Samus on his team and who, by his own admission in this very scene, incapacitated Samus while she was in the presence of a Metroid he wasn’t completely sure could be frozen. He literally says that, he gambled Samus’ life on a guess for no good reason.

If I wanted to be charitable I’d say that the plot was trying to purposefully present him as a prick in order to create an air of mystique: why does Samus revere this bastard so much? And I guess that this scene was meant to be the one that was going to pull the rug from under our feet, after all this is the closest that Adam ever gets to showing any kind of affection and “trust”...but it’s in the context of him shooting her in the back and leaving her at the mercy of a monster. There’s such an incredible disparity between the Adam that Samus prattles on about and the one that we see that it genuinely makes Samus look like your stereotypical abused girlfriend trying to rationalize why her boyfriend hits her.

But why does Adam shoot Samus? Many people seem to think there’s no reason for him to do that.

But actually...there is

It’s actually a bit of a trope in some works of fiction to have one character attack and or incapacitate another one that they’re supposed to be friends with in order to perform a risky thing on their own. It’s supposed to showcase the character’s levels of selflessness and the lengths they will go to in order to protect their loved one, even if it means hurting them in a way

In theory I would not mind Adam shooting Samus for these reasons: as seen in Fusion, Samus can be pretty stubborn and set in her ways when it comes to the idea of having to sacrifice herself for the greater good, so, in a better story, I wouldn’t necessarily mind Adam needing to exercise some force in order to prevent Samus from throwing her life away. The first issue with this is that the reasoning that the game gives is pretty flimsy to start with: Sector Zero will detatch from the rest of the station and self destruct as soon as she tries anything. Because it’s not like Samus has ever escaped from a self destructing location before right? It’s not like Fusion didn’t have this exact scenario with the Secret Metroid Laboratory, with Samus escaping unscathed, because Other M has its lips locked onto Fusion’s dick harder than a cheap prostitute.

But the biggest, surrounding issue is the general tone.

The story may communicate that Adam is doing this to save Samus’ life selflessly and Adam may say that Samus is inexpendable due to being a galactic heroine unlike him, but the other, underlying reason as to why Adam needs to shoot Samus in order to stop her from entering Sector Zero...

...is because Samus is an immature child that cannot be trusted to act logically

Because if there’s a message that the game just loves hammering into your skull literally since the beginning is this. From the intro when we see Samus as a child curled up in a fetal position because muh symbolism, to her acting subserviant to Adam either because she feels guilty about disobeying her father figure in the past or because she wants to be a spiteful brat, depending on your interpretation, to when she had to be saved by Anthony from Ridley, to her now repeating almost word for word what she told Adam when Ian died, there’s this permeating, consistent idea that Samus, deep down, is just an insecure little girl who isn’t anywhere close to being as confident and capable as she appears. The reason why Adam shoots her is because she’d be too immature and emotional to accept his sacrifice logically, so he needs to use force and take the choice from her. And, as usual, the story proves him right by how Samus reacts afterwards. The scene REEKS of condescension

And I know that some might argue that this is just a result of her trauma of the Baby’s death but....when does she recover from this exactly? After Adam dies she says she gained some “clarity of mind”, but did that just magically fix the trauma? Did that just magically fix her insecurity? The game acts like this act made Samus a stronger character,which I guess it did since she largely stops angsting after this, but when you look at the facts she magages to accomplish shit after this: Ridley gets killed off screen and Anthony will ultimately be the one to save the day.

What is Samus’ arc in this game? What lesson did she learn in the end? That she had been fooling herself all this time? That she’s still that capricious teen from her army days? Ok nice, what was the point of that? What exactly is the point of devoting an entire plot to just telling me that a character that had always been known for being highly skilled and practical is actually just an insecure mess? For depth? To humanize her? Because I’m sorry but if the final take away of a story is “yeah you kinda suck and you shoulda listened more to that abusive prick you called a father figure because you only mess up on your own” then something has gone wrong along the way, unless you’re writing a story that’s being cynical on purpose, or one about a morally reprehensible person getting broken down, which isn’t either case with this game, as the story wants me to believe that Samus ends up being a better person by the end even though she really has no reason to be. And all of this to say nothing of the myriad of sexist implications at play, which I’m not going to touch on since I am by no means knowledgeable on the subject matter

This is also the reason why I refuse the notion that the Samus that we see here is supposed to be a purposefully nerfed take on her due to the Baby’s death: she may be depressed, but a big selling point of this game was that we were gonna see the “real Samus” underneath the helmet, and this is the Samus that we pretty much see from start to finish, so I’m left with the conclusion that, according to this story, this IS Samus, full stop.

And quite frankly? Even if it made logical sense it still would not have been a good idea. I could, theoretically, write a story where I put a character like Superman through a billion different traumas, just so I can write him as a depressed and mysanthropic asshole. Even if it technically made sense writing wise, it still would not be a good decision, unless it’s a what if story of some kind, because there’s very little value in destroying a characrer just for the sake of it or just to say “hey see? He’s falliable just like any person!”

Humanization can be a good thing that can make characters feel more real and even more relatable. However not all characters are meant to feel completely real. Some characters are meant to feel like symbols or concepts or ideas. Distillations of human traits even. It’s only in the world of fiction that we can have characters that are technically impossible or very hard to come by in real life in terms of their character. I do believe that Samus falls into this category for the most part. She’s an iron willed badass, fearless in the face of untold alien dangers and capable of widespread destruction and carnage, yet still possesses a heart of gold and a selfless spirit that allows her to do the right thing because she thinks it’s the right thing to do, no matter what others may think. She suffered a traumatic tragedy, yet is not a Batman-like figure darkly seeking vengeance. I think that this is what Samus is at her core.

You might argue that this is very bland and boring. Maybe you’re right, plenty of people think the same about Superman. But I’d say that the kind of character that Other M Samus is is also a dime a dozen, so for my money I’d rather go with the former, who’s entertaining and even a little inspiring if viewed a certain way, rather than with the latter, who’s got a truckload of writing issues and unfortunate implications.

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x06 thoughts (and many feelings)

Well, as expected, this ep basically broke my heart into a million tiny pieces- but still, they really did give Arman the best send-off that they could given the circumstances, and I’m so, so grateful for it.

Breaking the recap up a bit differently this week because I have a lot to say about everyone lol

But of course, I have to start with my beloved boy Arman, and Armony. I always knew that this ep was going to break me, and man, they didn’t waste any time doing it… less than 4 mins in and the tears were already flowing from hearing him saying the Reloj line, because seriously, knowing that this was his one chance to pass on a message to the people in his life, and that he chose that??? God it was powerful seeing Nadia and the others incorrectly assuming the message simply meant that he was running out of time, vs seeing Thony's jaw clench on hearing it because she knew the truth, knew that it was meant for her alone. In some ways, it was a “I think my time is up and I'm the one leaving forever in the morning, and that's okay” kind of message, but it was also a “this is me telling you I love you, because I never got the chance before”, and a “no matter what they do to me, in my mind I'm there, dancing with you by the fire.” No wonder she reaches for a beer the moment she gets home, knowing that there’s the chance she will be able to hold him in her arms again in only a matter of hours, but not being able to do anything to make it happen except just sit and wait for news. Well, at least until the moment she sees the report and understands Dante’s involvement, and then there’s no holding back anymore, no more trusting others to save him. Her blind determination to go find him and bring him home is exactly like how she acted when Luca was dying or when Fi was deported; it’s the way she always responds when someone she loves desperately needs her, and I love that Arman is so clearly in that category. (Okay gotta break this up bc of Tumblr's character limit lol)

Anyway ugh the entire time she was at the apartments I could feel my heart in my throat, because god, she got so close. (Oh and the way she instantly recognised the jacket and then knew with a single sniff that it was his?? Help???). But anyway ugh when the kid pointed them to the apartment, and she saw him right there through the window, only for him to be stolen away again in the mere couple of minutes it took her to get back around to the apartment’s front door.... Ughhh these two have been star-crossed from the start, but it was so hard to watch the final acts of their tragedy unfolding. I'll never be over the fact that for days, he was kept in a haze of drugs and pain, and yet we (and Thony!) know from his message that he spent that time thinking of her, escaping his reality by living in the moments they’d shared. And her own drug-induced hallucination of him was equally heartbreaking… god, to see her be so honest and unreserved in the way she looked at him and held him and spoke to him ("I’m gonna take you home, I'm never gonna let you go again”)... like damn, in that moment we really got to see the unfiltered, uninhibited truth of her feelings for him, the truth she never got to tell him and that he never got to hear.

But still, I’d like to think that he knew it anyway, especially when he saw her there in that car– saw that she had come for him, that she was trying so hard to save him, even at risk to herself. (Naturally I wish that we could have had his real face for that heart-wrenching moment of goodbye, but it was close enough, and when it comes down to it, that moment was still truly Arman and Thony no matter what). And while I’m sure Arman would have wished that he could live, that he could have stayed and built a life with her, we also saw multiple indications in the past 2 seasons that Arman knew and accepted that an early death was likely for him, if not practically inevitable, just like it had been for Mateo and Carlos and Bosco. And so for him to get to go out on his own terms, and in the act of saving Thony? It was exactly the death that he would have wanted. (On first watch I was sobbing too hard to notice that he didn't just knock the gun away and cause chaos in the car, he actually also grabbed the wheel and deliberately drove them off the cliff, meaning he truly chose for himself how he met his death). Honestly, it was literally the exact kind of ending I'd been predicting for him ever since s1– both the culmination of his hero arc, and also the ultimate fulfillment of his vow to protect her.  I'm so, so thankful that he got to have that, got to go out fast and painlessly and like the hero he was, rather than dying in the hangar or alone in that grungy apartment, and I’m even more thankful that he got to see her one last time, got to have that final goodbye with her. He died knowing she loved him and never gave up on him, and knowing that his death would ensure she got to live on; and for him, that would have been everything. And as devastating as it was to see Thony on her knees on the cliff, staring up into the sky as everything faded into white and El Reloj began to play... it was also heartbreakingly beautiful- seeing them dancing together again truly felt like getting a glimpse into his heaven, like it was telling us 'This is where he is now. This is where he'll always be"- and though it'll still always hurt to have lost him, I can be at peace with that.

(Though ngl, this ep was full of 'if onlys' that are going to haunt both us and Thony forever... If only Chris hadn't blocked the toilet today of all days. If only Thony had called a different plumber. If only JD's friend hadn't gotten him the arrest report. If only Ramona hadn't put a tail on Thony that caused her and Fi to have to rely on Jeremy for a ride rather than going on their own. If only Thony had been able to trust that Jorge wasn't involved and had called him instead. If only Nadia hadn't sent her the address for the meet location. If only if only if only. The show has always centred around this theme (all the way back to 1x01 and ‘if only Thony hadn’t encouraged the underground fighter to make her own choices, then the fighter may have done what Theo ordered her to and deliberately lost the fight, and then Tarik wouldn’t have killed Theo and Thony wouldn't have witnessed it, and none of this would have happened’), and it's a vital aspect of both the storytelling (because if none of that had happened, then there's no story at all) and also of Thony's character development. But obviously in this instance we all know that the writers had no other choice, and that there was no way this ep could have gone differently anyway, not after the loss of Adan. We know that, but Thony doesn't, and so it's going to be devastating to see Thony blame herself for yet another death, especially the death of someone she loved so deeply.)

But alright let’s talk about who is actually responsible for Arman’s death, because while Thony inadvertently contributed to it, she absolutely wasn’t the one who directly led to them being in that situation! Let’s start with Dante: firstly, I knew it was very suss that he ‘accidentally’ killed that guy in the last ep! And then when I saw the BTS pics for 3x06 last week and saw that Thony and Fi were going to go to the same apartment buildings that Dante got arrested at, it was clear that he was definitely involved in Arman’s abduction somehow. So either it’s option 1, and that giant bastard knew just how deeply Ramona wanted Arman back in their lives and figured he could not only give her what she wanted, but could also use the opportunity to score a fuck-ton of money without Ramona ever knowing of his involvement; or it’s option 2, and he abducted Arman on Ramona’s orders so that she could a) get her hands on a bunch of Nadia's money, and b) receive Arman's gratitude for saving him, which would then lead to his return into the family. Personally I think that option 1/Dante working alone is much more likely, and I'd also prefer it to option 2, because if Ramona was involved it would completely ruin the enjoyment I’ve been getting out of her character and her sibling relationship with Jorge. So I'm really hoping that it was all just Dante’s plan, and that Ramona and Jorge believe Thony when she tells them about Dante’s role in Arman's kidnapping (and therefore his death) and then they fucking murder him for it. 

Speaking of murdering, that brings me to Jeremy Fucking Dolan. (Yes, I literally looked up his last name on IMDB purely bc I felt the need to put a curse word in it). It’s funny, but from the very first moment his character was announced and it was mentioned in his bio that he would befriend Thony while hiding a dark secret, I had an almost irrational level of hatred for him, even more than I had for Jorge’s character, which was definitely odd and inexplicable given that Jorge’s bio made him sound like he was purely meant to be an unwanted ‘Arman 2.0’/potential love interest, which I obviously did not want in the slightest. But if I’d been given the option to get rid of one of them before S3 even started, it would have been Jeremy with no hesitation. The moment he made his appearance, I called it that he was actually an undercover FBI agent who was using Thony to get to Arman, which was maddening enough because she just didn’t deserve to be manipulated in that way, or to be betrayed by someone whom she had been isolated and vulnerable enough to risk trusting. And then that undercover bastard not only uses her, but ends up being the very reason that the FBI shows up right at the worst moment– not only preventing the exchange, but also causing the chase that kills Arman??? I don't care if he was only doing his job and trying to catch criminals, goddammit, I still hate him so much, and it's going to destroy Thony (even more than she already has been destroyed after losing Arman) when she eventually puts it together and realises that her trusting Jeremy directly contributed to Arman’s death. Which is why I’m over here violently daydreaming of a moment sometime late in the season where Jorge and Ramona finally manage to capture Jeremy, and then they bring Thony in and let her pull the fucking trigger and end him. (I mean, is it at all likely that she would go that dark, even to avenge Arman? Well, no. But thinking about it certainly gives me great satisfaction so I’m sticking with it lol)

Anyway, moving onto something more positive– if you wanna find the MVP of this ep, you only have to look at Fi!!! I loved her for the kind and understanding way she addressed Thony's connection to Arman, and the way she almost got Thony to acknowledge her feelings for him. Though I guess in that moment she could see that Thony still wasn’t ready to talk about it, and so she tried to ease Thony's mental discomfort by shifting focus to jokes about Jeremy (gross). Still, throughout the ep she was just so completely ride or die for Thony, like she has always been, and honestly Thony needs that, needs her. And not just for her badass lock-picking skills haha (taught to her by Paolo maybe??). Basically, Thony is like the Frodo of this series, carrying a huge burden and going through unimaginable things, but Fi is like her Sam, and it’s only with Fi’s support that Thony is able to keep pushing forward through everything. Obviously the loss of Arman, the other vital person in her life (does that make him Gandalf??) is going to be absolutely crushing for her, and I think Fi is going to be even more incredible in the coming episodes as she supports Thony through her grief and devastation. Ngl, I already had a fic idea about Fi going and getting Arman's jacket back for Thony, and it makes me cry just thinking about it ugh

In addition to Fi and Thony, I did love the whole De La Rosa fam vibe early in the episode, with Chris and Jaz bickering, and Thony and Fi making a fuss of Luca, and then Chris gently telling them to ease off when Luca got overwhelmed– it felt so nice to have them all reunited again and just getting to be a ‘normal’ family getting ready for school in the morning, and for Fi and Thony to be dealing with problems like blocked toilets and wet clothes rather than threats of deportation or dangerous cartels or the FBI. Chris worrying over missing Camila’s call was super cute too; I’m glad we got to have another mention of her and I hope we get to see her again soon. As for Luca, I’m really happy he’s started school, mostly bc it frees up Thony’s schedule haha, but also because it’s an important step for both him and Thony in moving forward with their lives. Thony has lived in an endless loop of ~My Child Is Dying~ for 6 years, and finally (thanks to her and Fi and Arman, like she said in the ep) that cycle has finally been broken. Luca will always need careful monitoring of his health, of course, but Thony isn’t trapped by his illness anymore, and I’m excited to see what potential  paths that will open up for her. I will always wish that one of those paths could have been a relationship with Arman, and I'm sure she does too, but as long as she finds happiness and purpose, I'll be satisfied.

Okay, so Jorge showing up at the school was pretty great honestly; like he says, it kind of is their thing to just show up uninvited into each other's spaces, and plus I think he actually truly did want to help make the moment a little easier on her by being there and distracting her/reassuring her as a fellow parent. I also loved the sweatshirt mention lol, it was a good throwback and I enjoy that he’s comfortable enough with her to tease her. Just shows how much their relationship has changed in the week or so since he first tossed that sweatshirt at her in a different school parking lot!! And he definitely won points with me here by going out of his way to get the info for her about the legal/CPS stuff without being asked, and though he explained it away as basically just him buying her influence over Arman in regards to the Sin Cara business, again I think he just genuinely wanted to help. Like Arman, he doesn’t get the opportunity to do many things that are purely good and noble, and so the feeling of getting to help her and Luca clearly has somewhat of an intoxicating effect on both men haha. Even with the loss of Arman (and so the loss of his supposed reason for helping Thony with the CPS stuff) I don’t doubt that Jorge will still help her with it once he’s satisfied that she had nothing to do with Arman’s death. But ugh speaking of Arman, the way Jorge questioned her about her connection to Arman… he already knows that Thony’s husband only died a few months ago, and as far as he knows from Nadia's behaviour, her and Arman’s marriage was solid, so it’s understandable that the intensity of Thony’s loyalty to/concern about Arman is a bit confusing to him. And because he doesn’t understand it, he’s always going to view her with at least a trace of suspicion until he learns the truth. Which may even be as soon as next ep– it looks like Jorge and Ramona are going to be demanding answers from Thony about how Arman died/ whether she betrayed him to the Feds/ how she was even there in the first place etc etc, and honestly I'm desperately hoping we'll get some kind of "I would never betray Arman! I LOVED him!" outburst from her that makes both Jorge and Ramona stop in their tracks because of how clearly heartfelt and honest it is. And ngl, while we’ve seen Thony indirectly state or demonstrate her love for Arman multiple times now, it would really mean a lot to me to hear her just say it openly without holding back. Not to mention that I think it would also really help pave the way for her to be accepted into the Sin Cara/Sanchez family, which would make for interesting viewing for the rest of the season.  

Speaking of the Sanchez family, I enjoyed the flashback and getting the backstory about the caddy, and seeing more of the Eduardo/Ramona/Jorge dynamic. (I’m trying so hard not to be nitpicky about the fact that young Arman's hair was straight and young Jorge's was curly, when it should have been the opposite, lol). But I’ve been thinking a lot about what Eduardo says to young Arman in that moment about how the only way to be a good man is to work hard and make an honest living, and I think that before we meet him in S1 Arman had really internalised that, and didn’t see himself as being a good man even though he wanted to be, which is why it hurt him so much to have Thony reinforce that belief during their argument at the wedding in 1x03. But then through helping her and forming a connection with her, he sees that even though she’s witnessed him at his worst, she genuinely does believe he is a good man, and it allows him to start believing it of himself for the first time. The flashback also definitely gave us more of a sense of Arman’s relationship with Ramona and Jorge, and really added another layer to him not selling off his caddy despite the direness of his debt to RK. What Nadia said to Ramona about the caddy being Arman’s dream car seemed to prove to Ramona that Arman still loved her and Jorge, and never truly turned his back on them… and so hopefully her sense of family and honour will mean that she will now consider Nadia and Thony– Arman’s family– to be her family as well. I also really enjoyed the scene of Jorge and Ramona sitting together in the caddy, discussing their business choices/differences in their life plans, and also talking about Arman and his good heart… they’ve definitely both grown on me, partly because they’re well written, but mostly because they've helped Thony and they genuinely care about my boy Arman. I’m sad we'll never get to see an Arman and Jorge brotherly reunion, because that could have been truly great. But tbh what I’m really wondering is what will happen to my beloved caddy now that Arman's gone... will Nadia want to get rid of it because seeing it is too painful?? Will Jorge offer to take it? Will I get my dream of Thony being the one to keep it lol? Doubtful, but one can always hope.... (and I guess there’s always that fic I’ve been planning to write about it for like 3 weeks lol)

Sigh, poor Nadia gave me a lot of feels in this ep. She is working so hard to get Arman back, and handling herself amazingly well under incredibly stressful circumstances. She dealt calmly with the kidnappers (which Ramona was clearly very impressed by... a potential protege there, perhaps?). Nadia also politely yet firmly declined Ramona’s plan for Arman to be basically kept in their home, despite knowing how powerful Ramona is and how risky it would be to piss her off.  She also insisted on being at the exchange to get him back despite the risk to herself (and possibly partly because she still doesn’t trust Ramona’s intentions). She trusted Thony with the meet location, despite their complex history, despite knowing that it meant that she would have to share her reunion with her husband with the other woman he loves. Even if she only gave Thony the address because it meant getting to have a highly-trained doctor there who could be trusted completely with Arman’s life, it still means she put Arman’s wellbeing above her own wants. Honestly I respect the hell out of Nadia, and literally the only consolation I have about losing Arman is that at least I'll never have to watch her go through the heartbreak of Arman still choosing Thony over her despite all their history and everything she’d done for him. Of course, we still have to watch her going through an absolutely horrific heartbreak of a different kind, but at least instead of being alone in it, she has Thony to share that pain with. (Or at least, she will, when she gets past her initial anger and blame towards Thony). It's almost a certainty that Thony and Nadia's connection will continue and even strengthen throughout the rest of the season, and I strongly believe that Thony is going to do everything she can to support and protect Nadia now, not only because she genuinely does care about her, but also because it’s the only thing she can do now to honour Arman and give thanks for all he did for her.

Okay, last couple of things: I loved that even despite her desperate search for Arman and the ticking clock that was hanging over their heads, Thony still stopped and helped the kid’s grandfather. It was very true to who she is, and how she can’t not help the people in front of her that need her. And tbh in terms of TV medicine, this instance actually wasn’t too bad haha, even if her Epley manoeuvre was a bit off. The fact that the man turning to look at the clock helped her diagnose the vertigo was also a cool reference to the ep’s title/theme as well. But anyway the reference that I can’t quite figure out yet is the word Thony saw written in the dust on that mirrored platter thing; I’m assuming Arman wrote it as a clue in case someone found the apartment? It seems to say something like ‘Marin’ which means nothing to me rn, but they very intentionally included a shot of Thony seeing it, so I guess its meaning will become clear in the next ep or two? 

Anyway, this has been many many words and feelings, so I’m just gonna end it with this, the prayer that Thony spoke as Arman walked out of prison in 2x02, because it feels even more tragically fitting now:

Now he is freed Through your blood on the cross Through the blows to your face And through the crown of your thorns that pierced your head Deliver him from all evil From the rigor of injustice From the torment of conscience And from all darkness Welcome him into Paradise Where there will be no more sorrow No more weeping or pain Give him the blessings of the life to come As he enters into the kingdom of peace and light.

[highladyivy]

Currently Reading the ACOTAR series on book 2 here are some thoughts as I read through the books - A thread.

ACOTAR (Finished reading)

Thoughts are in no particular order

• Feyre chose tamlin when Lucien was right there!!!! Lucien x Feyre > Tamlin x Feyre

• I think Nesta was wrong for always taking the money that feyre worked so hard for when they were humans. The comment about oh I always knew you’d be able to get more bitch the fuck. Go chop the firewood you had one job.

• I get that the spring court was cursed to not talk about said curse but you idiots could draw a fucking story board. Do an interruptive dance idk… anything non verbal… CHARADES FOR FUXKS SAKES

• The moment she realizes that almost all the staff at spring court watched her get lured out by the puca.

• Lucien hesitating to save Feyre but then feeling guilty about it.

• I think lucien was right tamlin should’ve waited three more days before shipping Feyre off she probably would’ve said I love you if he hadn’t just sprung it on it as she was being carried away.

• The glamour not working on Nesta is interesting

• The difference between tamlin and Rhysand: Rhysand going through literally daily sexual assault for 49 years to protect his people vs tamlin going and sending his own people out in Hopes that one of them gets killed so that he could bring that person over to woo them make them fall in love with him so that they would be released from the curse

• Rhysand under the mountain is just chefs kiss

• yes he did some unfathomable things like force her to make the bargain but in all honesty it was for her own good in the end.

• Rhysand was protecting her even before the bond snapped for him.

• Page 324 - Rhysand falls in love with Feyre he just doesn’t know it yet

• page 328 him being the only one that votes for her to win.

• him letting his guard down around her when he stays in her cell for a little while to get a break from everything

• when the bond snaps for Rhysand. Proves my theory that mates aren’t rare the majority of them are just born human and not fae.

ACOMAF (currently reading)

• tamline is totally giving women should be seen not heard vibes

• the fuck tampon you really gonna lie there while the women who risked her whole life LITERALLY is waisting away and vomiting her guts up from TRAUMA in the bathroom and you just gonna ignore her.

• Feyre waiting for the bond to snap with tamlin 😬

• ianthe - that’s it that’s the thought it’s not a good one

• tamlin is giving me the ick

• Ianthe wants tamlin for herself

• suspicious that she made sure she was the only priestess there - possibly a villain turn??

• there’s my boy Lucien trying to help Feyre.

• if I didn’t love Feysand so much I’d be Feyre x Lucien.

• the dress did Feyre dirty

• No red and what does Ianthe do put red there

• I mean good riddance cause I feel like if the. Red wasn’t there she would have went through with the wedding and Rhysand wouldn’t have heard her and saved her.

• hello Feyre darling — #dead

• the sentences he has her practice amazing work truly some of his best.

• feyre realizing that Morgan wanted to hang out but was waiting for and invite

• really tamlin

• I don’t think he was any bit concerned about her well being at all while at the night court he just wanted to get inside information

• he pretty much interrogated her as soon as she got back.

• This makes me think he’s up to something - and it’s not good

• Rhysand treats Feyre like a capable fae while tamlin coddles her and treats her like an object a fragile object.

On chapter 8 will continue as I go…

[uriekukistan]

choso and/or megumi? :)

im so. i just spent so long typing this out only for the page to crash and delete everything i said. why does tumblr HATE ME anyway thank you for the ask i’ll try to remember everything i said the first time 😭

choso!!

favorite thing about them: his relationship with itadori is so cute! such a good brother! his facial expressions are so cute and silly! literally found out itadori was his brother and went “okay i’ll die for u now”

least favorite thing about them: the fact that they robbed him of his sick shoes in the anime. maybe something else will come up in the future but for now that’s it

favorite line: i got two! *in a life or death situation* can u just call me onii chan like once please please please please (paraphrasing), *facing kenjaku after finding out that they’re his dad and yuuji’s mom* “hey little bros look at this im gonna kill our parent

brOTP: gotta go w yuuji since they are in fact bros. his relationship w mahito is so silly to me tho, and i’d love to see him interact with todo!

OTP: i dont really have one. rn i think he’s too focused on his brothers to think abt that

nOTP: its not a no for me per se just that i think choso and yuki are very one sided. yuki clearly likes him but he’s too focused on yuuji rn

random headcanon: i can see him having a long skincare routine with a fluffy hairband

unpopular opinion: i think he is frequently mischaracterized in the name of fitting ppl’s sexual fantasies about him. ofc im all for having fun but i noticed it does impact broader perceptions of his character sometimes. could say this about any jjk man tho.

song i associate with them: mmmm maybe sunflower by post malone, don’t have a reason for it buy yea

favorite picture of them: have two

MEGUMIIIII

favorite thing about them: he is me i am him we are the same. realistic depiction of what it is like to be abandoned by your parental figure and then be told you’re “special” for some reason and now too much is expected of you but you never wanted this in the first place. i could raise him so well let me adopt him. I Will Take Care Of Him.

least favorite thing about them: can’t. that’s my son.

favorite line: soooo many but i think about “so start by saving me itadori” DAILY. hourly even.

brOTP: love his relationship with kugisaki. would love to see him with yuuta more for purely self indulgent reasons that are not related to my dancers au….

OTP: obviously gotta go with ITAFUSHI i could talk abt them for hours. a brain virus fr they’re everything to me.

nOTP: 🧑‍💻 megumi & sukuna, megumi & toji, megumi & gojo, megumi & mai, etc. i try not to yuck other ppls yum but uh. i couldn’t even decide which of these was worst.

random headcanon: uhhh this ones a sad one, but i think before gojo came along, he and his sister were starving (compared to other characters shown as kids he looks much bonier), so even into adulthood, he has a hard time gaining weight from the effects of childhood malnutrition and as a result, is a bit less physically strong than he could potentially be (still very strong tho)

unpopular opinion: you already know what im gonna say. most overhated character in jjk. yall need to get off his back before i get violent im so serious rn everything he does is a perfectly valid reaction to the trauma he’s been through since he was literally a toddler

song i associate with them: i got so many…recently been thinking of dreams of losing teeth by suave punk & moon i already know by mount eerie the most

favorite picture of them: soo many…unhinged megumi vs pocket sized gumi i cant pick

[moreespressoformydepresso]

So this will be tough to answer considering that carlos's actor is sadly no longer with us and let his memories live on

I was wondering if you ever had to do a story of carlos last few days with jane and his friends how would you do it

Like I love how they payed tribute to him in the royal wedding but I was surprised we never really got to see Jane sadness or her missing carlos

I guess it depends? Whether he saw his death coming or whether it’s as unexpected as the news of Cameron’s death was. If we go with the former, I’d put more focus on how everyone tries to cope with knowing someone is about to die. Specifically the underlying denial of everyone involved. Mostly I’d focus on Carlos trying to make the most of his last days and spending as much time with his loved ones as possible, tying up loose ends and crossing as many things off his bucket list as possible until his time runs out. Then there’s everyone around him coping, The denial, the pain of the truth constantly being thrown in your face, the powerlessness and the constant wondering what you could have done to prevent this. The trying to get everything out of the last few days because you don’t wanna live with the regrets of wasting time. Your deepest fear being that you’ll spend the rest of your life knowing you could have done more, and now it’s too late.

Then, finally, when it’s all over, I’d probably write about the inevitable ending to the story. Those who are left to pick up the pieces trying to stop that constant, niggling voice in the back of their head telling them it wasn’t enough. They weren’t enough. They could have done this that or the other and things might be different. They could’ve stopped it or at least slowed it down. The slow process of realizing that no amount of blaming yourself, justifiably or not, will change the past. It’s done. Carlos is gone. It’s too late to do anything about it now and all anyone can do is learn to live with it.

If it’s unexpected, I’d probably focus entirely on his friends and family. Specifically the different ways people try to cope with grief. The different stages of coming to terms with the fact that Carlos is gone and what forms they take in different people. The extremely emotional and the complete shutdown, the constantly doing something just to avoid thinking about it and the inability to do anything at all. The bottling everything up and the learning to let go. Grief is a slow process and it never really ends. It doesn’t leave, it just dulls to background noise. No matter how far you get, there will always be some kind of pain attached to the memories.

This was honestly hard to write. Apologies but I’m about to hardcore overshare so skip if you don’t wanna read it. I’ve written exactly one published story dealing with grief (fanfic for The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes) and that’s for a reason. When I was grieving, I was also dealing with a severe depressive episode, so I had a complete shutdown. I didn’t feel anything. Nothing about the situation felt real to me. But I saw the reactions of people around me and both of the situations I described above are ones I’ve experienced.

Two times, I watched a grandparent slowly die of illness. Years were spent seeing their health slowly deteriorate and trying to come to grips with that reality. It didn’t make the end easier when it came. All it did was shatter the illusion that maybe some miracle would save them and they’d pull through. One of these times happened right after an unexpected death. Everyone thought she’d live longer, and then she was gone. One week of thinking she’d be okay, and then it was over. It happened so fast I didn’t even have time to comprehend what was happening. None of these situations were easier, they were just different. It’s the sudden impact of a train against your heart vs the creeping cold spreading through you with every day you watch someone’s condition get worse. It’s watching someone battle against an illness until they’re so drained they give up the fight vs watching someone slowly lose touch with reality until they don’t even know what’s real and what’s in their head vs not even being able to watch anything at all because they’re already gone and you didn’t even get to say goodbye.

It’s never easy. And maybe the worst part is that you’ll never know if you had a hand in this or not, nor will you ever find complete closure. There will always be something, some regret or “what if”, and it’s inescapable.

[sanctaignorantia]

Talking about things the trailers don't say, which means talking about the voices inside my head that won't shut up.🥸

It's going to be long, sorry...

When I watched the first trailer I first thought that this scene referred to a beach…

Well, it was all going wrong and the sixth extinction was the last, what if the beaches dried up? Anyway, what if this means by which people crossed over to the plane of the dead literally ceased to exist? Without water there's a big desert and nothing else. So that's what I thought, what we see is a beach, but whose beach? And then we had the coffin and the coffin is Higgs. But it didn't make much sense because Higgs would be trapped on Amelie's beach because of his fight with Sam, we heard the gunshot but we didn't see a body, where the fuck is Higgs Monaghan? Amelie kicked him off her beach, probably… BUT WHERE? If Higgs' beach is a vast expanse of sand, just a beach with no sea, then what the fuck?

Ok but I also thought of something else at the same time, like "why are they walking towards this portal?" - because it's definitely a portal and no one will tell me otherwise. And also an entrance to somewhere. These rock formations are definitely new material.

Do you remember the information we received from the Novelist's Son and the Spiritualist?

This is the part where I believe DS1 already contains a lot of spoilers about what will happen in DS2 VS what Kojima actually rewrote, I don't think he changed the basic constructions of the game but rather modified something here and there, when he says he "rewrote the story of the second game" I don't believe it's literally the whole story, you know?

Returning, the Spiritualist and the Novelist's Son give us information about portals and space/time travel and other forms of travel to the Beach.

I Saw Space in a Gourd (Novelist's Son)

Mr. Sam Bridges, Can I tell you a story about something that happened recently? I was preparing dinner when all of a sudden my beloved gourds popped into my head, and I just had to go take a look. Do you know what I found when I got there? The most marvelous specimen I ever laid eyes on! It was bigger than me, I swear! And while I was standing there, admiring it, I suddenly realized I was somewhere else. Inside of it! And I was a tiny baby! A tiny baby in a great big gourd world! I grew up there, became an adult, and eventually, gourd world had a Death Stranding of its own. So what did I do then? I shared gourds with all the people of gourd world, and they shut the BTs up inside them, and set them all on fire. Gourd world was safe, and I had saved it! But just as I was basking in the glory of it all, I woke to find myself back in the kitchen, and the pot boiling over! While I’d been living a whole other life in gourd world, only a few minutes had passed in this one! Sure, you could call it a daydream, but to me, it couldn’t have been more real. Has anything like that ever happened to you?

Prepper Interview: The Spiritualist

No one has been able to explain the Death Stranding, and I doubt that anyone ever will. Certainly not with science. Science is only suitable for observation. Measurement. "Objectivity." You can observe and measure as much as you like, but it will bring you no closer to an understanding. Sometimes, you need to expand your mind and open your heart. Seek the souls of the dead. Listen for the waves on the Beach... In antiquity, there were no barriers between the realms. People moved freely between the Earth, outer space, and the world of the dead. What are myths and legends if not records of these journeys? My research has only confirmed this. The pyramids of Egypt and Mesoamerica, the Nazcaan lines, Stonehenge—all gateways built by humans in order to access the Beach. Surely you can see that the wisdom of the ancients has never been more relevant?

I would count what the Spiritualist says as basically true because, let's see, it's the Spiritualist and DS is basically about that too. But looking at this arc and imagining a portal after all this information doesn't seem so absurd to me. And then you ask me why I quoted the Novelist's Son's email about the gourd?

Well, a chrysalis and a sarcophagus easily remind me of these gourds too and then we'd be talking about Higgs and Elle Fanning's new character and if both are connected, then portals and enclosures of this kind are no surprise.

We would still have Lou's pod as a form of communication, I don't know how these items work to talk to the dead, because I definitely use other means to talk to them, but they exist in various cultures, right? So we'd basically have 1) a means for time/space travel and the world of the living/dead like the coffin and the chrysalis and also 2) the pod as an item with which it's possible to communicate across planes. Who will know? I'm going to open Kojima's head and feed on his brains to find out.

The Spiritualist also tells us how the Egyptian artifact we gave her made her travel not only to the beach, but also into space, which reinforces her previous document. She also reassures us that the pyramids were portals. So let's assume that there are other ways to access the beach and that perhaps Higgs has discovered them or even knew about them (you handsome son of a bitch).

I would add the observation of rereading the information with the Evo-Devo Biologist because she says some things about tar as well and how it is used not only to search for things from the past but is also a means of creation, and we have exactly that about Chrysalis in trailer 2.

"Please understand, Sam... We never ment to string you along."

My brother in Christ, what's wrong with Fragile? She gives the mask Higgs wore to Sam in DS1 wanting him to tell everyone what happens when you wear a mask and we don't need to explain what that means, the lying, the hiding, the omission, Fragile was betrayed by someone she trusted and the first thing she does in DS2 is accept things from someone who is ANONYMOUS. Darling???

This may be a question of translation and the fact that I'm not fluent in English, but to me it clearly says that Sam has been tricked or Sam is feeling tricked or being tricked by them. What would Fragile and Drawbridge have to hide from Sam? That's not a good idea, not after all. Higgs knows things about Lou that Sam doesn't. Fragile with the Drawbridge calls Sam to help them and says it will help him and then there are more lies behind all this? More manipulation? More masks?

Let's go back two lines:

"If you wanna answers, you're gonna have to find 'em yourself. But.. The ones you do find-- well that pain you nurse… will only get worse. Sam the man, in the dark. About everything." (i can hear troy's voice echoing in my ear, ooooh)

I really hope Higgs is talking about the answers about Lou, because if it involves anything else with Fragile, Drawbridge and what else we'll have new, well… we're fucked. Higgs would come out as something like "I've at least always been honest with you, Sammy boy." *smiles like a crazy*

"Don't forget. Coming on this expedition was meant to help you to find the strenght to carry on. And you have. We all know you've got this. Now it's time to finish the journey, Sam."

I wonder why Kojima cut out these lines, Higgs implying that the answers will be painful and that only Sam can find them, which tells us that perhaps asking for or hoping for help is in vain. Then there's Fragile, confident that Sam at Drawbridge's side is exactly what Sam needs, but since when does Sam accept others telling him what he needs? Even Fragile? And why doesn't Fragile seem the least bit sad about Lou's death when in trailer 1 she basically witnesses the girl die? (I've already said something about Fragile taking care of Lou here.)

"I was there. I saw her home. And it was a hellhole."

If Sam is talking about the Chrysalis Girl, how on earth was this girl living alone in a hellish place? Was she inside the chrysalis when he arrived? Was the chrysalis her protection? Was this hellhole like this because of her? Did anyone ever ask the girl if she was a demon?

I recently read someone talking about how Higgs might be being manipulated, but what if Fragile is too and that's the lie she tells Sam? What if the person controlling Higgs is the same person manipulating Fragile?

[tadfools]

i love your blog!! I have some friends I wanna recommend bg3 to, but I’m not sure how. How would you summarize the game for someone who doesn’t play video games? I wanna say it’s a game based on dnd where your main character gets infected by alien tadpoles, and you recruit friends to help you remove them from your head before you turn into a monster. But that doesn’t capture much of why bg3 is so great. So if you have time, I’d be curious to know how you’d summarize the game/entice people to play! Have a great night!

Aw well thank you deal listener!

Unfortunately, I'm insane, so I might not be the best person to go to for this. If you're explaining it to folks who have played dragon age origins or the first fable, then I'd say that it has the same heart as those two games. It's fun and has wonder etched into every part of it but knows when to tone it down for serious moments and does so masterfully.

The party you gather thought the story actually feel like people who have their own goals and storyline. Larian did a fantastic job on making it feel like all of you are the protagonist without overshadowing Tav/Durge (the player) just like it would be in a dnd campaign. There's even points where the player has the option to shut up and let their companions speak for themselves, and it doesn't feel forced at all.

I've been very bias with the dark urge (one of the origin options) so the storyline of nature vs nurture and overcoming (or relenting) to a life of violence is a whole rant I could go into

Another cool thing about BG3 is that you don't have to have a blank slate character that you figure out the past for (that's Tav which is a name you can change) You can play as the party's wizard, a man ambitious to a fault who begins the story desperately trying to win back the affections of his goddess, you can play as rouge who's the spawn of a cruel vampire lord who, depending on the choices you make, can either break free of the cycle of violence inflicted on him or feed into it. You can also romance these characters, you can also romance no one. Over the course of the story they can become your friends and your family or if you're playing an evil route, which you can 100% do, can be cast aside like pawns.

Baldur's Gate 3, to me, isn't the story of how a ragtag group of adventurers either save the world or doom it. It is a story of breaking free of cycles. Cycles of abuse, cycles of reverence, cycles of compliance. Or continuing them. That choice is up to you.

Also, it's beautiful and made by a team of dev's from a lesser known company who genuinely love what they created and cared about the quality of it over a set release date

(gifs made by @entreri congrats, your beautiful babies pop up in the first row of results if you google 'bg3 scenery gifs'. they make amazing gifs go check em out!)

Feel free to add onto this with your thoughts guys, I'd love to read them in the reblogs/tags, and they might be helpful for anon! xx

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Okay, lunch time on Monday, time to bang out some more Kilmeny. This chapter has the usual ableism content warning and an extra strong racism one.

First off, I want to address a point brought up by @gogandmagog, about how this book may have been a satire or a sort of deconstruction of traditional fairy tale romances. I've been thinking it over, and I can see it. It would explain the abrupt tone shift in how Eric treats Kilmeny, if Maud is making a point about how men see women they're not interested in vs. how they see women they want to marry. It's a really bleak point, but honestly I've already noticed that Maud is really unimpressed with marriage in this book and specifically how marriage reduces women. I don't know that the satire angle explains the racism and the abelism -- I think that may just be artifacts of her and the time she lived in -- but it may help a bit with Eric himself.

It's still very unpleasant to read, but it's an interesting perspective to keep in mind.

Anyway. Eric goes back to the orchard to meet Kilmeny, with the understanding that she will introduce him to her aunt and uncle. Only, plot twist, Kilmeny isn't there and it's Neil who meets him instead! Neil, who is fully out of his mind with anger.

“So you’ve come to meet her again. But she isn’t here—you’ll never see her again! I hate you—I hate you—I hate you!”

Scintillating dialog, to be sure.

Eric is, of course, cool and collected in the face of Neil's fury, because why would Eric ever be anything other than detached and superior?

“So you have been making trouble for Kilmeny, Neil, have you?” said Eric contemptuously. “I suppose you have been playing the spy. And I suppose that you have told her uncle and aunt that she has been meeting me here. Well, you have saved me the trouble of doing it, that is all. I was going to tell them myself, tonight. I don’t know what your motive in doing this has been. Was it jealousy of me? Or have you done it out of malice to Kilmeny?”

His contempt cowed Neil more effectually than any display of anger could have done.

The problem with this book... okay, a problem with this book is that, as I think @no-where-new-hero said, LMM doesn't seem to know what to do with her protagonist. He doesn't really have any character traits, he doesn't have any interests, he doesn't really have a personality beyond, like, bored and detached and superior. So when he takes this turn into the monstrous, we have nothing to balance it out. Eric doesn't play music or enjoy gardening or even show an interest in arguing theology. Everything he does -- except visit Kilmeny -- he does out of social obligation. He didn't even go to school because he wanted to, he did it to please his dad. His one thing he actually does because he actually wants to is his relationship with Kilmeny, and now that he is being dreadful to her, there's nothing left. You just go from 'this man is a bit insufferable, isn't he?' to 'wow, I want you dead in a ditch!' with no in between.

Which is a very long-winded way of saying, I hate Eric now and I want him dead in a ditch! And his being smugly superior to Neil -- who is also behaving dreadfully, just to be clear -- is doing nothing to endear him to me.

“She will meet me in her own home then,” said Eric sternly. “Neil, in behaving as you have done you have shown yourself to be a very foolish, undisciplined boy. I am going straightway to Kilmeny’s uncle and aunt to explain everything.”

Neil sprang forward in his path.

“No—no—go away,” he implored wildly. “Oh, sir—oh, Mr. Marshall, please go away. I’ll do anything for you if you will. I love Kilmeny. I’ve loved her all my life. I’d give my life for her. I can’t have you coming here to steal her from me. If you do—I’ll kill you! I wanted to kill you last night when I saw you kiss her. Oh, yes, I saw you. I was watching—spying, if you like. I don’t care what you call it. I had followed her—I suspected something. She was so different—so changed. She never would wear the flowers I picked for her any more. She seemed to forget I was there. I knew something had come between us. And it was you, curse you! Oh, I’ll make you sorry for it.”

We have fully lost control of the craft of storytelling here. This wild shifting in moods might work, if this wasn't the first time we'd ever spoken to Neil on page. There's 'oh, he has an explosive temper', but going from 'oh, I implore you!' to 'I'll fucking kill you!' in a single paragraph needs more setup than just that. 

"He was working himself up into a fury again—the untamed fury of the Italian peasant thwarted in his heart’s desire. It overrode all the restraint of his training and environment. Eric, amid all his anger and annoyance, felt a thrill of pity for him. Neil Gordon was only a boy still; and he was miserable and beside himself."

1- Neil Gordon is 22. Eric himself is only 24. Cool it with your whole, 'oh, he's only a kid!' headpatting.

2- Blood. Will. Out. This is the most strongly established theme in the book at this point.

"Eric, not a little ruffled under all his external composure by this most unexpected and unpleasant encounter, pursued his way along the lane which wound on by the belt of woodland in twist and curve to the Gordon homestead. His heart beat as he thought of Kilmeny. What might she not be suffering? Doubtless Neil had given a very exaggerated and distorted account of what he had seen, and probably her dour relations were very angry with her, poor child. Anxious to avert their wrath as soon as might be, he hurried on, almost forgetting his meeting with Neil. The threats of the latter did not trouble him at all. He thought the angry outburst of a jealous boy mattered but little. What did matter was that Kilmeny was in trouble which his heedlessness had brought upon her."

I am going to very begrudgingly give him a point for actually considering and prioritizing Kilmeny's feelings. He is assuming that he knows what they are, but we've been given enough details thus far that he's probably correct -- Kilmeny clearly did want to keep seeing him, and she probably is quite unhappy about what is happening.

"Presently he found himself before the Gordon house. It was an old building with sharp eaves and dormer windows, its shingles stained a dark gray by long exposure to wind and weather. Faded green shutters hung on the windows of the lower story. Behind it grew a thick wood of spruces. The little yard in front of it was grassy and prim and flowerless; but over the low front door a luxuriant early-flowering rose vine clambered, in a riot of blood-red blossom which contrasted strangely with the general bareness of its surroundings. It seemed to fling itself over the grim old house as if intent on bombarding it with an alien life and joyousness."

There hasn't been a lot of house symbolism in this book, but shall we assume that Kilmeny is the rosebush, the only point of light and beauty in her family?

"The pictured face was a very handsome one, suggestive of velvety dark eyes and vivid colouring; but it was its expression rather than its beauty which fascinated Eric. Never had he seen a countenance indicative of more intense and stubborn will power. Margaret Gordon was dead and buried; the picture was a cheap and inartistic production in an impossible frame of gilt and plush; yet the vitality in that face dominated its surroundings still. What then must have been the power of such a personality in life?"

Margaret Gordon: definitely a witch.

So Eric lays out his case to the Gordons, which is that he met Kilmeny on accident and befriended her, but belated realized that he should tell her grownups about it and so has come to formally ask their permission to continue seeing Kilmeny. Thomas Gordon then says this, and I roll my eyes out of their sockets and into space:

“I don’t need to do that,” said Thomas Gordon, quietly. “I know more of you than you think, Master. I know your father well by reputation and I have seen him. I know you are a rich man’s son, whatever your whim in teaching a country school may be. Since you have kept your own counsel about your affairs I supposed you didn’t want your true position generally known, and so I have held my tongue about you. I know no ill of you, Master, and I think none, now that I believe you were not beguiling Kilmeny to meet you unknown to her friends of set purpose. But all this doesn’t make you a suitable friend for her, sir—it makes you all the more unsuitable. The less she sees of you the better.”

Of course they like him instantly. Of course they do.

And, of course, the reason they think he shouldn't see Kilmeny is the same reason Mrs. Williamson thought he shouldn't. She is young and sheltered and might fall in love with him and be heartbroken, because of course he couldn't mary Kilmeny, she's mute!

Honestly this story would have almost been more interesting if Kilmeny had been ugly. Not that 'oh, you can't marry her, she's ugly!' is any better, but it would require some actual character growth from Eric. Because -- and again, I hate to give this man any credit -- he isn't saying, 'oh, I trust she can be cured so it's fine.' He would like her to be able to speak, but he is fully prepared to marry her even if she remains mute her entire life. As of currently, he seems to see Kilmeny's disability in the same way she sees it: a little inconvenient and mildly unfortunate, but not, like, an insurmountable problem.

"Janet Gordon had hitherto spoken no word. She had sat rigidly upright on one of the old chairs under Margaret Gordon’s insistent picture, with her knotted, toil-worn hands grasping the carved arms tightly, and her eyes fastened on Eric’s face. At first their expression had been guarded and hostile, but as the conversation proceeded they lost this gradually and became almost kindly. Now, when her brother appealed to her, she leaned forward and said eagerly,

“Do you know that there is a stain on Kilmeny’s birth, Master?”

Janet Gordon: also a witch? Definitely a woman who would enjoy a true crime podcast in this the year 2023.

So the Gordons give Eric permission to court Kilmeny, because of course they do. The problem with having a protagonist that everyone loves is that you can't then set up, 'but someone will be mad at them!' as a conflict and have it land. The Gordons were set up as mini-bosses, as it were, but Eric didn't do anything to get on their good side. He just showed up and they went, 'welp, we like you now, if you're sure you want to marry Kilmeny despite her disability and her parantage, then you have our blessing.' It's just a really unsatisfying narrative.

Luckily for me, any good feeling I might have had towards Eric for his being almost decent about Kilmeny's disability vanishes when he gets to see her again and is immediately condescending!

"She did not tell him how glad she was, and how unhappy she had been over the thought that she was never to see him again. Yesterday she would have told him all frankly and fully; but for her yesterday was a lifetime away—a lifetime in which she had come into her heritage of womanly dignity and reserve. The kiss which Eric had left on her lips, the words her uncle and aunt had said to her, the tears she had shed for the first time on a sleepless pillow—all had conspired to reveal her to herself. She did not yet dream that she loved Eric Marshall, or that he loved her. But she was no longer the child to be made a dear comrade of. She was, though quite unconsciously, the woman to be wooed and won, exacting, with sweet, innate pride, her dues of allegiance."

Thesis: Wives and Friends are two different species of women. Friends may be spoken to as equals and confided in and allowed their own way. Wives are meek and demure and do not make eye contact and submit sweetly to your every whim.

I think perhaps Lucy Maud Montgomery was not very excited to get married.

[taoistpenguin]

making music in the 1980s - then vs. now

I see a lot of young musicians on social media saying they’re considering quitting music because they haven’t gotten enough clicks or likes or follows. I’ve been writing, performing and getting paid from music since the early ‘80s so I thought I’d provide some context of what the game was like back then, in my case in New York City, in the pre-social media, pre-video universe:

Among my friends, deciding to play music wasn’t a career choice, it was driven by a need for creative self-expression. There weren’t schools or online courses promising shortcuts to glory like there are now. Sure, you wanted to be successful, but that wasn’t the primary motivation. You did it because you literally knew no other way to express yourself. It’s not an exaggeration to say music was life and death for a lot of people.

You got a day job that you didn’t care about, just to pay your rent and bills. You saved every extra penny to buy gear. You split the cost of a rehearsal space and spent every night of the week doing something musical. If you weren’t rehearsing, you were gigging, and if you weren’t gigging or rehearsing, you were on the scene, checking out bands, making connections, trying to become part of a community.

When the band was ready you paid maybe $350 to go to an 8-track studio and make a 3-song demo tape. Yes, there were cassette portastudios and reel to reel decks, but most people didn’t have the necessary space or outboard equipment to make a professional sounding home demo. Yes, you could do it in an empty loft or garage with your own gear, but it would sound like crap. After you made the demo you took a band photo. Good music videos were expensive, so that wasn’t really an option.

You copied your demo and photo and took them to every club you wanted to play. You got the booker’s phone number and would call every week on a landline – no cell phones, so no texting - to harass them about when they were gonna book you. When you did get a gig, you hoped it was a good time slot. Back then, nightlife didn’t start until around 10pm, so if you got an earlier slot you were bummed. Midnight was prime time, and it wasn’t unusual to see bands playing full rooms at 1 or 2 am.

To promote your show, you xeroxed your homemade flyers, went out in the middle of the night, and stuck them to every flat surface you could find in as many parts of town as you could cover. In the days before email, you also mailed flyers to the mailing list that you got by asking people to write their names and addresses on a clipboard at your shows.

When it was time for the gig, if you didn’t own a band van, you hired one to get you and your gear there and back. If you played well enough and brought enough people to your show, the club would book you again. If you were serious and didn’t let drugs and drink get in the way, your band would improve and eventually you’d start getting better time slots on better nights. As word of mouth spread, you’d get bookings in different neighborhoods and eventually out of town.

Throughout all of this you’d be sending tapes and photos to press and record labels, inviting them to your shows and trying to get signed. If you were lucky, the Village Voice or a local zine would write about you, and sometimes that led to more shows in new places. If you stayed in the game long enough and behaved professionally enough, you eventually met people who enjoyed what you were trying to do, and tried to help you. But mainly you said “yes” to every potential opportunity.

There were plenty of nights when there weren’t a lot of people in the room. I remember playing at CBGB once when the only person there was the bartender. What did we do? We rocked as hard as we ever did, and got him nodding his head and air drumming along with us. We figured this guy had seen a thousand bands at that job, so if we could get him to respond we took it as a victory,

All this to say that if you’re thinking of giving up because you’re not gaining a bunch of superficial followers on social media, you might not be in this for the right reasons. Likes and follows don’t require any real investment in your career. They’re fair weather friends. Don’t chase trends. Focus on making music that matters and hit it hard every single time.

[jedimasterbailey]

Hey baby 😘 for the writer ask game, ❤️, 👻, 🐇, 🥳, 🦋, 💘, 🤔, 🎨

Hello there baby 🥰 thank you so much for the asks, these games are always so much fun ✨ link to the original questions are linked down below to anyone that wants to play and I hope you do because I love to snoop and ask questions 😉

❤️- what is your favorite line you’ve written in a fic?

This comes from the end of Chapter 10 of The Padawans right after Barriss reunites with Luminara and is just about to face Darth Vader.

“No.” Barriss proclaims, igniting her blue blade, “I am a Jedi like my Master before me.”

This moment always comes to my mind when it comes to favorite moments because it’s a moment I would die to see in canon; Barriss returning to the Light and reinstating her identity as a Jedi like the woman who had raised her. Not to mention it’s also a parallel to Luke’s line in Episode 6 which is also my one of my favorite lines in the entire saga. Need I say more?

👻- what is your wildest headcanon?

Currently, that Master Katri is indeed Luminara’s Master despite the possible timeline issues but I want a powerful luminous female Mirialan Jedi line for Barriss to hail from…so yeah…it’s canon to me.

🐇- do you write for yourself, for others, or both?

In the beginning, I wrote for myself but once I started receiving so many wonderful comments of how much people enjoyed my stories then I decided to write for both. Writing makes me happy and at peace and I want to share that same happiness and peace with others through these stories.

🥳- why did you start writing fanfic?

Because I was starved of the content I wanted to see so I decided to make my own stories whether or not people liked them or not 😄 And I wanted to humanize the Mirialan characters more since both Luminara and Barriss receive a lot of unjustified hate in the fandom.

🦋- which character is your favorite to write?

It’s a toss up between Barriss and Luminara since they are both such complex and sweet characters that need exploring. I find a lot of myself in these characters which makes it easier for me to find their voice but I enjoy being able to get creative with them since we have scraps to go off of in canon.

💘- is it easier to write angst or fluff?

It honestly depends on my current mood 😂 if I’m in the mood to write something more fluffy and romantic then it will be easy but other times angst is easier to write because life sucks sometimes and I’m just full of angst.

🤔-would you ever want to write something for canon if you got the opportunity?

Depends on what the story would be and how much creative freedom I’d have. I mean of course I would be elated to write a canon Star Wars anything but it would need to be something I would actually enjoy writing. It wouldn’t be write for me to do a project where I don’t really care for a specific characters or not as knowledgeable about certain things like the Mandalorians, etc. I love my Jedi and I love my gay romance, so that’s where I’d love to stay if I could.

🎨- if someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

First of all I am always honored whenever artists show me sketches of anything that stems from my work and I would continue to love and praise anything anyone creates but if I had to pick one scene that I would love someone to do, it would be one of the climatic scenes in The Padawans story where Darth Vader is carrying an unconscious Luminara in the wreckage of the Vader vs Barriss fight. Luminara makes a choice to save Barriss and sacrifice herself before Vader could get to her. Meanwhile Vader wants Luminara for his own selfish purposes because the Anakin part of him is wanting some sort of mother figure back in his life. So seeing any imagery of Vader showing vulnerability after such a noble sacrifice from Luminara’s part would be very cool to see.

Link to the Original Ask Game Questions