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plaidbooks · 3 years

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The Future Is Now

A/N: This is...a weird one. I don’t have much of a description except to suspend your disbelief for a little bit; there’s magic that doesn’t really get explained. It’s a Mike Dodds x reader fic, and covers the Time Travel square in @adarafaelbarba moodboard bingo!

Disclaimer: I know the moodboard has time travel to the past, but this is the future and I got it okayed!

Tags: mentions of trying for kids, mentions of infertility

Words: 2570

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @ben-c-group-therapy @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @caracalwithchips @berniesilvas @qvid-pro-qvo @averyhotchner @imalostredheadinablondeworld

When Mike proposed to you, you were over the moon, excited to declare your love to the world. Plus, he was yours now, for the rest of your lives. You were absolutely proud to be called Mrs. Dodds. And then a week later, you both purchased your dream house.

Soon after the purchase, you both started trying for kids. It was no secret that you wanted children, and while you debated waiting until you were married, you were both ready and thought it wouldn’t hurt to at least try now. But after months of trying, you decided to make a doctor’s appointment, just to make sure things were okay.

As it turned out, Mike was considered healthy and fertile. You, however, were not. “There’s no chance of you getting pregnant. I’m so sorry,” your doctor told you. Mike held you as you cried and cried into his chest.

“We’ll figure it out, darling. We can find someone to carry a baby for us, or adopt, or—”

“I want a biological baby, Mike. I want to carry my own child,” you sobbed. There was nothing wrong with his suggestions, they just weren’t for you. You feared that you and Mike should just…not get married. Let him find a woman who could have his child.

**********************

About a week later with the dark cloud still over your head, Mike decided to take you out for lunch; just a cute date to try and cheer you up. You didn’t think that was possible, but as he held your hand, walking down the streets of New York City, you found yourself smiling softly at him.

“Come on; this is a shortcut,” he urged, pulling you towards a short alley. It was bizarre, the sidewalk made with cobblestone rather than the cement that filled the city streets. There was a strange feeling in your gut as you walked with him; it was like the sensation you get when falling, your stomach jumping and twisting into knots. You glanced up at Mike as you gripped his hand tighter, and he grimaced as if he, too, felt the weirdness. Finally, you exited the other side of the alley.

“Did you feel…strange in there, too?” you asked softly.

Mike turned around to look at the alley, make sure you weren’t being followed. “Y—yeah…that was weird.” You continued walking, though you huddled a little closer to Mike as you went. But you froze when you walked past an ad posted in a window. He stopped a little ahead of you, glancing back.

“What is it?” he asked in confusion.

But your eyes were locked to the ad, and you pointed. It was just an ad for an upcoming Broadway show, but that’s not what caught your eyes. No, you were stuck staring at the date.

“Isn’t it 2015?” you breathed.

Mike followed your finger to the date, seeing 2020 written in bold font. He shrugged, “someone just made a typo; nothing to freak out about.”

You nodded; that had to be it, right? Just to be sure, though, you pulled your phone from your pocket. But it refused to turn on, even though you knew it was fully charged. Mike checked his phone, too, seeing the black screen staring back at him.

“Fuck; we gotta go home, Mike. I feel weird about this,” you said, turning back to where you came from.

He followed, agreeing that something was off. Especially when you couldn’t find that alley again. Shaking with nerves, you hurried home, Mike trailing a step behind you. But you froze hallway up to your front door; there were people inside. Mike saw it too, and motioned for you to follow.

Crouching, you shuffled as quietly as you could behind him, making your way to the living room window. There was no explaining what you saw when you both glanced in.

“Is that…us?” Mike asked, voice hushed.

Indeed, it was you and Mike—though, maybe slightly older, slightly more lined—with three children. There was a boy about seven, another boy around five, and a little girl in Mike’s arms, maybe two. None of the children looked alike, nor resembled either of you; they must be adopted.

“What the actual fuck,” you muttered. “What the fuck?!”

Mike quickly shuffled away, dragging you with him. Once you were a little ways away, he turned to face you. “Okay, scenario one; this is all a dream, none of it real. Scenario two; we’re hallucinating, whether because of stress, grief, or something else. Scenario three, and I hesitate to list it but…we traveled forward in time by five years.”

“Absolutely not! We did not travel through time! That’s just—that’s not possible!” you replied.

He placed a hand on your shoulder gently, to help ground you. “I agree. Let’s just…maybe we should head to the hospital.”

“That’s a good idea…” you trailed off. Then you jumped in the air, disappointed when you hit the ground again. Mike rose an eyebrow and you sheepishly said, “I was hoping that if this was a dream, I could fly.”

******************

It wasn’t a long walk to the hospital, but along the way, you and Mike ran into that damned alley again, still lined with cobblestones. You don’t know why it felt like the same one, even though it was in a completely different part of the city, but you knew it was the same. After pointing it out, you went through it again, dragging Mike with you and hoping to gain more information. But once on the other side, you noticed that things looked…different. Not overtly so, but the buildings had changed slightly. Looking back showed that the alley was gone once more.

The first thing Mike did was check his phone, to no avail. You followed his lead, but your phone was bricked, too. So instead, you headed for a window in a shop, littered with ads. And you let out a gasp as you saw that the date had changed again. But instead of being your time—

“2030?!” you yelled. “What the hell is happening?!”

Mike’s eyes were wide as he tried to work through this new information. “I bet that alley has some sort of gas or toxin leaking into it, making us hallucinate—”

“It doesn’t matter; we have to go to the hospital!” you replied, heading in that direction. He quickly caught up with you, and you wandered the city streets of Manhattan.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath before he grabbed your hand and dragged you into a little alcove. You looked up at him, giving him a look and he quickly explained, “I just saw…I saw us again. And though I don’t think we actually traveled through time, I don’t want to fuck anything up on the small off chance we did.”

You rose an eyebrow. “I thought that was only messing with the past?”

“Look, I don’t know! I just know this is all very weird, okay!”

You had to agree there, so you watched as you and Mike—older, 60-year-old you and Mike—made their way to a fancy restaurant. They were seated outside, the table having two extra chairs. Soon enough, a man and wife joined them. You were too far to hear, but you saw the woman show off her left hand, saw the proud smile on the man’s face. Something pulled you towards them, and you found yourself walking closer.

Mike’s eyes went wide, but he was too slow to stop you. So instead, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, hurrying you closer. You both leaned against the wall of the restaurant, facing each other so that they wouldn’t see your faces.

“So, have you told your siblings yet?” a voice that could only be yours, though aged with time, asked. “I’m sure they’ll be so proud that their brother is finally getting married.”

“Not yet; I wanted you and dad to know first. As well as…Lydia’s pregnant!” a man exclaimed, excitement lacing his voice.

“Congratulations,” older Mike said, and you could hear the smile and pride in his voice, even at this age. “You know we love being grandparents.”

There was an awkward silence before the man quietly asked, “that’s okay, right mom?”

“Of course it is, dear. You know that I love you and your siblings as if I had given birth to you. You’re my children, and I will love you and my grandchildren until the day I die,” older you replied.

You had heard enough, and you took Mike’s hand, tugging him gently away. There were tears in your eyes, and you noticed them in his before he had a chance to blink them away.

“Maybe…maybe adoption is a viable option for us, Mike,” you mumbled. It no longer mattered if this was real or a dream; either way, it was a clear sign that you and Mike would get past your infertility, that you had so much love to give both to each other and to your children, adopted or not.

“We can look into it once we’re both deemed okay mentally,” he replied, his arm coming back around your shoulders, holding you to him. He kissed the top of your head, and you shoved your face into his chest as you walked.

You had been wandering, not paying attention as you left the restaurant, but you heard hard rock under your shoe. Glancing down, you saw cobblestone. No, you thought, looking up, panicked. Once again, you and Mike were in the alleyway.

“How does this keep happening?” you asked, your voice echoing unnaturally around you.

Mike gripped your hand. “I don’t know, but we’re getting out of here,” he said, dragging you to the entrance…or exit—it was hard to tell where you came from. Once out, you both checked your phones; still dead. When you looked around you, though, you found yourselves on the outskirts of the city. There was no telling what year it was anymore, and in a bout of fear and panic, you started to run.

Mike let out a yelp before he followed. You didn’t know where you were going; it’s like your feet knew where to go, intent on showing you something, leading you somewhere.

He caught up to you after your lungs were burning, your knees buckling. “What are you doing? We have to remain calm,” he said, panting.

You were gasping down lungsful of air, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. You gave Mike an apologetic look, about to tell him you had no idea what was going on, when you glanced over his shoulder. There was a large field behind you, an assortment of tombstones in neat rows. You were on the edge of a cemetery.

“About time you two showed up,” a man’s voice said, and you jumped. Turning, you found an elderly man sitting on a bench a little ways away. Upon a closer look, you noticed that he looked familiar.

“Excuse me?” Mike asked, walking closer. He jolted in surprise, and it connected a moment later for you; it was elderly Mike Dodds.

Old Mike chuckled softly. “This one was a little harder to figure out, since we never saw a date. But I knew I was 93, so I decided to come here every day until I saw you two,” he explained.

“But—but how did you know—? What’s happening?” you asked, bewildered.

He nodded. “It’s confusing, I know. But I knew you’d be here because, well—” he looked at his younger self— “because I’ve been here in my youth. My wife and I never did find out what it was, a dream or—or hallucination. All we knew was that it was somehow real; it predicted our future.”

“How do we get back?” Mike asked.

The old man gave Mike a long look. “You must cherish your fiancée, Mike. Even when she becomes your wife, you must always cherish her.”

Mike blinked. “Y—yeah, I will, I promise. But how do we—”

“My lovely wife is gone now. We had our ups and our downs, our ridiculous fights over nothing. But at the end of the day, I loved her with my whole heart and soul, just as she loved me. We knew we could make it through anything, as long as we had each other.” He looked at you, and you saw such adoration in his eyes that your breath caught. “There’s still days where I miss her: her voice, her laugh, her love. But we both knew it was her time when she went, and she was happy. Now I find happiness in our kids and grandkids, and in knowing that I wouldn’t change a damn thing about the past 50 years, not one bit of it. And I know I’ll see her again soon, that she’s waiting for me.”

You didn’t notice the tears until they were trailing down your cheeks. You looked at Mike, and he, too, was crying. He opened his mouth, but elderly Mike spoke over him.

“The only way back is to go back to the beginning,” he muttered, suddenly tired.

“But we can’t find the alleyway—”

“Not the damn alleyway! Go back further, to where it all began!”

You and Mike looked at each other with your watery eyes in confusion, but when you turned back, the old Mike was gone.

“What now?” you asked softly.

Mike came up to you, cupping your face in his hands and brushing away your tears. “We’ll figure it out, darling. I promise.”

He kissed your forehead before moving to grab your hand. You both started walking, unsure of where to go but following your feet…your hearts. You walked for what seemed like forever before you noticed where you were.

“This is where we had our first date,” you muttered, looking at the little restaurant, still here after so many years of changes.

Mike’s eyes lit up and he pulled you a few buildings down. There was a white archway, roses along the bottom and wisteria wrapped around the top. Your heart fluttered at the sight, just like the first time; you always found this fixture odd, sitting in the middle of a bustling city, so out of place. And just like that first date, Mike tugged you to stand underneath it.

“Back to the beginning,” he muttered as he turned to face you. You were pressed up against his chest, looking up into his kind face, and all those feelings from the first night slammed into you: the nerves, the excitement, and the love.

“May I kiss you?” he asked, his voice echoing through time. You nodded shyly, biting your bottom lip, and he slowly leaned in. The moment his lips touched yours, you knew you never wanted to pull away. You lifted to your tiptoes, kissing him back with passion, his shirt balled in your fists. He smiled against your lips, and you grinned. As you gently pulled away, he let out a little huff of a laugh, just like he did the first time.

“I love you, Mike Dodds,” you whispered, staring into those bright eyes of his.

His grin broadened. “I love you, too. And I cannot wait to grow old with you.”

You could’ve stayed like that forever, in his arms, looking into that handsome face. But the silence around you was broken by your phone ringing.

#mike dodds x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #fanfic #my fanfic #adarafaelbarbaseptemberbingo

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omgrachwrites · 4 years

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The Princess and The Duke - Chapter Fifteen

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: As the Princess of Spain, you were always supposed to marry King James of England to make an alliance between Spain and England. When he marries a woman at his court for love, you are married off to his best friend, Sirius Black the Duke of Bedford to keep the alliance. However, the court is riddled with secrets and a rebel in the North starts to rise against the Throne. Royal AU.

Warnings: fluff, angst, character death

Words: 2582

Disclaimer: This Spanish was used with google translate and these gifs don’t belong to me!

Translations: I must be in heaven because I see an angel - debro estar en el porque veo un angel.

You have always been one of the bravest men I know - siempro has sido uno de los hombres mas valientes que conozco.

A/N: I would like to formally apologise for this chapter, please don’t hate me! There will only be a few more chapters left I think! I’ve changed a couple of things to make it fit into the story better, please let me know what you think and let me know if you would like to be tagged, I love you all! xxx

Chapter Fifteen - A Little Fall of Rain

Sirius grinned as he wrapped his arms around his little girl as he helped her hold the reins of the horse properly, delighting in her little giggles. The village was as quaint and beautiful as Sirius remembered and the villagers seemed to be even nicer. Glancing over at his wife, he noticed that Y/N was in her element as she helped Johnathan sit upright at the front of her horse. Her beautiful face gleamed with happiness as the townspeople called out to her, blowing kisses and showering her with pink petals.

She looked every inch the Princess as the flower petals got caught in her shiny hair. The twins giggled as they reached their little hands into the air, trying to catch some of the falling petals.

“Do you like being back in France, my darling?” Sirius asked with a grin as they passed the gorgeous little chapel.

Y/N sighed wistfully as she gazed over at him, a small smile playing around the edge of her lips, “it’s better than I could have ever imagined.”

They had been back to France since their wedding but it had only been when Sophia had moved to French court, where they had spent their visits. The Duke and the Duchess hadn’t stayed at their beautiful chateau since they had got married, so they took the opportunity to ride through the little villages that lay in the shadow of the chateau.

Sirius grinned at her answer as a petal stuck to his lip; he chuckled as he blew it off, “I love you, Y/N.”

“I know,” she fixed him with a teasing grin; “I love you too.”

Sirius laughed as he glanced back at Andromeda who was grinning at a handsome French boy frim where she sat on her horse, making Sirius roll his eyes. Andromeda was Y/N’s new lady in waiting and she was Sirius’ cousin which seemed to be the best option. Y/N really liked her, maybe too much since she had asked Andromeda to tell her embarrassing stories about Sirius from when he was growing up. Andromeda was someone that Y/N wouldn’t be suspicious of. It was the best solution for everyone.

As the small party made its way out of the village they bid goodbye to the kind townspeople, Y/N blew them kisses and Sirius waved at them before they finally crossed the grey stone bridge that had been built over the rushing stream. When they reached the gorgeous chateau nestled in the hills, the twins gasped and pointed at it while Y/N sighed happily.

“It’s so beautiful,” Andromeda breathed as they rode through the portcullis.

“I’m so happy that we did this,” Y/N beamed and reached across to take Sirius’ hand, Sirius grinned and kissed her fingers as he nodded.

Lily and James had offered Sirius and Y/N some time off, Lily had assured Y/N that she would be fine with her other ladies to help her. Sirius had accepted the time off before his wife could refuse. It was admirable that Y/N was so attentive in her duties to the Queen but it was clear that they both needed some time off. Before they had set off for France, the King and Queen had asked Sirius and Y/N to be the godparents to their unborn child which Y/N was very excited about.

The servants of the chateau were very happy to see that their Master had returned to them alive and well, they had no doubt heard about the troubles that were happening in England. Once everybody had settled and unpacked their luggage, summer wine and cakes were served in one of the beautiful gardens.

Sirius and his family sat among the gorgeous roses as the twins played in the gently flowing stream. Sirius loved to hear them play together, he was determined that they would grow up as best friends, unlike him and Regulus. Andromeda smiled as she lay beneath one of the trees with her eyes closed.

“I love it here; I can see why you two wanted to come back so much.”

Y/N sighed wistfully as she nodded, her head tucked against Sirius’ chest as she traced circles over his warm skin, “it will be even harder to leave but we all needed a break,” she rubbed her temples and Sirius pulled her closer, stroking through her hair gently with his long fingers.

“Okay, new rule, let’s not talk about court while we’re here,” Y/N grinned and nodded, leaning up to sweetly kiss his cheek. Sirius turned his head so she kissed his lips at the last moment, making her giggle into the kiss.

Andromeda sat up, looking over at Sirius and Y/N with a sly smile on her face, “so, when are you two going to have another baby?”

Sirius rolled his eyes while Y/N gasped happily as she took his hand. Everybody had been asking them that lately and it was starting to annoy Sirius but Y/N loved it.

“I would really love another child as soon as possible but Sirius doesn’t think so,” she pouted up at him.

Sirius sighed as he pressed a kiss against her forehead, “I just think that we should wait a little bit longer, the twins are only two and soon enough we’ll have our hands full with the Royal Prince or Princess,” he laughed while Andromeda nodded understandingly, “we’re being safe,” Sirius nudged Y/N’s shoulder with a smirk before he took her hands in his own, “I promise that we will have more children.

Y/N gave him a beautiful grin as she kissed his lips, giggling when the soaking wet twins jumped into her arms so they could dry off in the sun.

The merriment of spending a week in France, where they did nothing but lounge around in the sun was over too soon. Y/N and Sirius had filled their nights with love making and had spent half of the morning sleeping in. Sirius knew that Y/N was especially sad to leave France; it was hard for her to hold back her tears as they rode away from the chateau. Sirius promised that they would be back soon.

Once Sirius and Y/N were back at English court – where thankfully the weather was as warm as it was in France – they got right down to business. They were trying to locate the missing prisoners who had branded themselves as Death Eaters, followers of Voldemort who was now much more than a fable. Sirius thought that there was a traitor at court.

The whole court was in attendance in the stuffy Throne Room when the door burst open and a bleeding man stumbled through it, “Sirius,” he mumbled weakly as he fell to the floor and Sirius realised with a jolt that it was Regulus.

“Regulus!” Y/N gasped as Sirius ran over to his little brother, Sirius teared up when he saw just how much Regulus was bleeding, his shirt was soaked red and he was extremely pale, shivering in Sirius’ arms.

“Get a doctor!” he looked behind him to see everyone standing with their mouths agape, Remus was the first one to shake himself out of it and he hurried to find a doctor while James dismissed the court.

“No,” Regulus said weakly as he choked on the blood that was filling his mouth, “I’ll be dead before a doctor can get here, you were right, you were always right. I nearly got away,” he winced and spluttered.

Sirius shook his head as tears spilled down his cheeks and it felt like a dagger to the heart to see his baby brother die in his arms, “you’re not going to die, I won’t let you die.”

Regulus chuckled weakly, “you’re such a good brother, always looking after me, if only mother could have seen how amazing you are. Sirius, I’m scared, I don’t want to die alone,” Regulus’ eyes were round and scared. Sirius hadn’t seen him look like that since he was a little boy when he used to sleep in Sirius’ room after a bad dream.

Sirius shook his head as he sniffled, “there’s nothing to be scared of, and you won’t be alone. I’ll stay with you,” he held Regulus close to his chest.

Regulus glanced over at Y/N and gave her a cheeky smile, “debro estar en el porque veo un angel.”

Y/N sniffed as she gave him a watery smile, “siempro has sido uno de los hombres mas valientes que conozco.”

Regulus smiled and looked back at Sirius, “I’m not going to say goodbye because I’ll see you again.”

Sirius nodded, “I’ll see you again,” there was a ghost of a smile on Regulus’ face as his breathing slowed and eventually came to a stop. Sirius sobbed as he brought his brother’s limp lifeless body close to his chest, it felt like a part of his heart had died alongside Regulus, his baby brother.

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Sirius’ profile looked sad and tense and you knew the reason why, Regulus’ funeral had been beautiful but it was something that should never have happened. You were so heartbroken so you knew that Sirius must be feeling even worse, after his baby brother had died in his arms. He’d been a hero and he’d died a hero’s death, he had tried to thwart Voldemort and for that he would be forever honoured.

You knew that Sirius was also worried because an old sorcerer who had been banished by James’ father had contacted the King, telling him that he had news of a prophecy that affected James, Lily and their unborn child. James didn’t much believe in prophecies but he decided that it couldn’t hurt to listen, his benevolent nature had allowed the sorcerer to return to court, but only if his information was good. James had sent for you, Sirius, Remus and Peter to hear the prophecy, you were the ones that he trusted without question.

Your husband stopped outside of the council chamber and looked at you with wild sad eyes, the grey colour of his eyes didn’t sparkle as much as they used to. He took your hands and kissed along your fingers, you were worried about what he had to say.

“Maybe,” he swallowed, “maybe you should take the twins and go back to Spain,” he sniffled, refusing to look at you.

His words caused a jolt of panic to go through you; did he really want you to go? “what? What are you talking about? Why on Earth would I go back to Spain?”

Sirius shook his head as tears stung at his eyes and you cupped his stubbled cheeks so he would actually look at you, “because I’m damaged goods, Y/N!” he threw up his hands, “first it was because my parents didn’t love me and now, my brother is dead, don’t you get it? I was supposed to protect him! That was my job! You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have any worries.”

“Sirius, darling,” you sighed as you leaned forward to kiss him, “I don’t believe there’s anyone in this whole world who has no worries and I don’t want anyone else. We promised to be together till death do us part and even then death can’t keep us apart. Unless you don’t want me here anymore, do you actually want me to leave?”

Sirius sniffled as he wiped the tears from his handsome face and he offered you a small smile, “I don’t want you to leave. Never. I just think that you deserve better.”

You smiled as you kissed his cheek, “then I’m never going to leave, you’re the love of my life, Sirius Orion Black. I only want to be with you.”

Sirius cupped your cheek and kissed you slowly and deeply, “I love you, Y/N,” he whispered against your lips, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Sirius,” you smiled and nodded at the door behind him, “come on, we shouldn’t keep everyone waiting.”

Sirius nodded as he reached down and laced his fingers through yours as you both walked through the door of the council chambers. The table had been moved out of the way to make way for the tall throne like chairs and an old man was standing before the King and Queen. As you and Sirius entered the room, he turned to look at you, smiling benevolently as he peered at you through half-moon spectacles. With his long white hair and beard he looked exactly like a sorcerer from a storybook.

You greeted Remus and Peter as you sat on one of the tall chairs, smiling at Lily as she looked at you nervously, her hands protectively on her stomach.

James was the one to speak up first, “I don’t much believe in prophecies and the like, Dumbledore but for my wife,” he reached over to take Lily’s hand, “I would do anything, if your information proves to be good and if you can help us thwart Voldemort then you may stay at court.”

“You’re very kind, Your Majesty,” Dumbledore bowed his head as he got glass ball from his pocket, “if you would hold this against your stomach, Your Majesty,” he gave the ball to Lily, “the prophecy is about your unborn son, we will only be able to hear the prophecy if it’s close to him.”

Lily nodded and took the glass ball and did as Dumbledore said, you and Sirius leaned in as the smoke cleared and the face of a woman in huge spectacles appeared, you exchanged a worried look with Lily. It seemed that you both recognised that woman; it had been the woman that had frightened Lily at the summer festival.

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born as to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies… and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not… and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives… the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies.”

Deafening silence filled the room as you felt a chill of dread run down your spine as Lily blinked back tears.

“How do you know this is about our son?” James asked, finally breaking the silence.

Dumbledore walked closer to the King and showed him an engraving on the metal part that the ball was set in, “Harry James Potter,” James read out.

James and Lily both exchanged worried glances, “we have decided on the name Harry if we have a son and we wanted him to take James’ name as his middle one, and he’s due at the end of July” Lily sniffled as she looked down at her stomach, “he’s the only one who can defeat Voldemort, Voldemort will be coming after him, and us. He’ll want to kill us,” Lily’s breath started getting short and you got from your seat and wrapped your arms around her.

“The only people who know about the prophecy are in this room, word will never be able to get back to Voldemort, we’ll be okay,” Sirius smiled but you could feel that this was only the beginning.

You glanced up through the door that had been cracked open but it was enough for you to see the back of a greasy head walking down the corridor, glancing back as he did so.

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@smiithys @elayneblack @amelie-black @siriuslyjanhvi @pregnant-piggy @lindatreb @mabelle-cherie @hxrgreeves @britishspidey @mads-bri @classicrocketqueen @sxtansqueen @hufflepuffzutara @missmulti @bruxa0007 @ourstarsailor @fific7 @galwithbluethoughts @2410slb @sunles @krismeunicornbaobei @theincredibledeadlyviper @deathkat657 @lonegryffindor2005 @writing-your-heart-out

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afictionaladventure16 · 4 years

Text

Remember Me (Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff x Daughter!Reader)

Chapter 15

Remember Me Masterlist

Previously on Remember Me...

Word Count: 3,076

Warnings: Character Death.

A/N: The moment you’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived.

Also, BIG THANK YOU TO @sugarrushblondie for editing this fic for me!!

Bucky heard sniffles down the hallway, he raised his eyebrows as he continued to walk down the hall. Slowly he approached the small nursery, taking in Natasha’s appearance on the rocking chair as she held their daughter. “Doll, are you crying?” Bucky asked Nat as he walked into the small room. He kneeled in front of her, out of instinct, his hand went directly towards the sleeping baby in Natasha’s arms. Gently caressing her head as she sucked on the baby bottle. Bucky couldn’t help but smile before quickly directing his attention towards his girlfriend who was in tears.

Natasha held you in her arms as she fed you your bottle, she sniffled as she looked up at Bucky, “n-no,” she said as she quickly wiped away her tears, “just sleep-deprived ‘s all.”

“Mhm, sure,” Bucky said with a smirk as he got up from his kneeling position and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Doesn’t really seem like it,” he mumbled as his flesh hand gently touched his daughter’s cheek. He smiled down at her as Natasha held onto her. Natasha sniffled some more, Bucky looked up at her with concern, quickly noticing more tears streaming down her face, “Oh, Natasha, I was only joking.”

“No, no, it’s not that, it’s just that-” She let out a small sob, she motioned for Bucky to take their daughter from her arms, which he quickly did. Natasha got up from the rocking chair and wiped away her tears, “I was just sitting there and feeding her and I realized how much I love her and it’s just so crazy.” Natasha paced for a bit before walking over to Bucky, gently placing her hand on her daughter’s cheek. “And I couldn’t stop thinking that one day she’s going to be a teenager and she’s going to be screaming that she hates us but right now she is this tiny baby that depends on us... She’s changed me, Bucky. You showed me how to love and she… she showed me the definition of it.” Natasha sniffled once more, as she took in the view of her daughter and the man she loved. She never wanted this to change, she wanted things to stay this way for as long as she could, but she knew that was impossible. “I wouldn’t have this any other way, Bucky,” Natasha whispered. “I’m so glad we found each other, I’m glad we did what we did.”

Bucky looked into Natasha’s eyes, moved by her words, he let out a small chuckle, “I love you, Nat,” he said softly, “I really do.” His eyes locked into Natasha’s red-stained eyes as tears began to form in his own. “Even when you are sleep-deprived and very emotional.”

“Even when I get cranky?”

Bucky let out a small pit of laughter, “even then!” He shifted the baby in his arms, now holding her with one arm. With his free arm, he gently touched Natasha’s cheek as she leaned into his touch. “You showed me that I can be loved after everything that has been done to me,” Bucky looked down at his daughter, his hand still on Natasha’s cheek. “You made me someone I thought would never become.”

Natasha smiled, inching closer to Bucky to place a kiss on his lips. Yet, it was quickly interrupted by a small cry from a small bundle in Bucky’s arms.

“It’s your turn,” Natasha said.

“Aw come on!”

“We agreed, diaper duty will go to the person who is either holding her or nearest to her.” Natasha gestured to Bucky as he held their daughter. “Looks like it’s your turn, Buckaroo.” Bucky rolled his eyes as Natasha turned to walk away. “Admit it, you love me!”

Bucky let out a huff, “Yeah, I do.”

Natasha looked at you, the little girl she once held in her arms, now standing in front of her. Well, her body was standing in front of her. Natasha didn’t know who was in control, but she knew that her daughter was in there somewhere.

“Doctors,” Zemo called. Two of the doctors ran up to you, you stared at them as they began to do some tests. “Well?” Zemo asked after a couple of seconds.

“Everything looks fine,” One of the doctors mumbled.

Zemo smirked, “But I thought you said she wasn’t ready.” The doctor glared over at Zemo, the code wasn’t ready. It had flaws the doctor had to fix, but those flaws were minor. Yet, something minor could always be the start of something major, right? “Soldat,” Zemo spat. You quickly drew your attention to Zemo. He chuckled as he looked over to the parents who were now sitting on their knees side by side, “I don’t know about you two, but I think I prefer her this way.” He glanced back over to you, “no hesitation, no talking, even though she didn’t speak much, to begin with. But, still, she’ll just do what I say.”

“What the hell did you do, Zemo,” Roger spat.

“Silence! Traitor!” Zemo walked over to Roger, a smirk played on Zemo’s face as he glanced over at you. “Maybe I’ll start with you,” Zemo whispered. “Take a new toy out for a ride, what do you think?”

Bucky winced at Zemo’s nickname for you. “Just tell us what you want, Zemo,” he muttered.

“What I want?” Zemo scoffed. Zemo shook his head, “I don’t want anything, but if you had asked, what am I seeking? Well, that’s a whole ‘nother thing. I seek revenge.”

“Figures,” Natasha chuckled.

Zemo whipped his head over to her, “what’s so funny?”

Natasha smirks, “it’s just this whole thing feels like some superhero movie. The heroes get kidnapped, the villain is seeking revenge, and we all know how those movies play out.” Zemo remained quiet. “Villians usually die and heroes live a happy life. So, do you really think this plan is going to go through?” Zemo looked down at his hands for a second before looking up at Natasha and in an instant, Zemo’s raised his hand. His hand struck Natasha in the face.

“Nat!” Bucky yelled as he yanked on his restraints. “I swear to god if you touch her again, Zemo!”

You felt something stir inside you as you watched Zemo yell at the couple, you didn’t know why but all you wanted to do was protect them.

“Soldat!” Zemo yelled. You looked directly at him, waiting for your orders. “Kill them,” Zemo said as he walked away from the couple. You began to walk over to the couple as you can spot the fear in their eyes as they watched you walk towards them.

“Y/N, baby, it’s me. It’s your mom, please, the least you can do is remember me,” Natasha pleaded as you stood in front of them. You knew her. You closed your eyes letting out a deep breath. Her voice was familiar, the look in her eyes. It was there. Something was there. You knew it. You knew them, but from where?

“Y/N, remember us,” Bucky begged. Hoping that his voice would help you put the pieces together, he knew that it’s what helped him. When Steve didn’t give up on him, when he kept trying to put the pieces together by recalling old memories, it’s what Bucky had to do now for you. “It’s me. Your papa, remember? We would sing that song that you loved so much,” Bucky felt himself begin to choke up as he recalled the memories. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked in his daughter's soulless eyes. The eyes that once held life.

Zemo knew what the parents were trying to do, he had to stop them. He couldn’t risk any more risks of his mission being ruined again and your hesitation was just that. “Soldat! Kill them!” Zemo ordered once again. The longer you hesitated, the more Zemo’s heart began to race. He fumbled around his waist for something. Roger watched as Zemo pulled out a gun from his waistband, holding it up towards you.

“Zemo! No!” Roger yelled. With all his strength, he knocked the guard that was beside him, with his elbow, causing the guard to fall over to the ground. Roger grabbed the key that had fallen out of the guard’s pocket, quickly taking off the restraints.

“Soldat!”

You continued to look at the couple in front of you, “We’re your parents,” Natasha whispered. She knew the hesitation meant something. She knew that talking to you was helping.

Two loud bangs rang through the room, you whipped your head around to spot a man in front of you, his back turned to you. On the other side, you saw Zemo clutching his knee. The man in front of you slowly fell to his knees. Roger. “R-roger?” You remembered him. You knew him. He helped you. He was good. You ran over to Roger as he laid on the ground. “Roger!”

Blood began to pour out from Roger’s mouth, “Do remember when we went to that arcade?” You focused on placing pressure on the wound on Rogers’s chest, “Y/N, darling, I need you to look at me.” Roger coughed out blood, you glanced up at him.

“You’re going to be okay,” you whispered.

“I need you to listen,” he whispered. “Do you remember when we went to that arcade?” You felt tears begin to form in your eyes as you tried your hardest to remember, you shook your head as a small sob escaped your lips.

“It’s okay,” Roger said as he placed his hand on top of yours. “You remind me so much of my daughter,” Roger felt himself fading, he had to do this quickly. “I remember when she got scared I used to tell her that it was time to face the sky.” You glanced over at Roger, the last of his sentence sounded familiar. You’ve heard someone tell you that before. “Y/N, it’s time you face the sky.”

You anxiously looked around as the men surrounded you and your father. Holding onto him tighter as you spotted your mother being dragged by a couple of men, you didn’t quite understand what was happening but you were terrified and you knew the outcome wasn’t good.

“Nat,” you heard your father whisper. You glanced up towards your father. Bucky gave you a glance, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head, “it’s time you face the sky,” he whispered. Your parents had told you that whenever they said that phrase to you, that meant you wouldn’t see them for a while. They always said they’d come back to you, but you never imagined there would be a day you’d hear that phrase. You never imagine being apart from your parents. You never wanted to. It was your biggest fear.

You shook your head frantically, “Papa, n-”

“Shhh,” Bucky rubbed your back. “I promise,” he said softly. You looked into your father’s eyes as tears began to form, “I love you, fiica mea.”

You let out a gasp as you came back from the short flashback. “I remember everything” you muttered to yourself as all the memories began to resurface. You glanced down at Roger with tears in your eyes, you noticed the life in his eyes quickly fading away. “Roger, stay with me!”

“I’m sorry, kid. I think my time here is done,” Roger let out a soft chuckle, “I have a family I need to reconnect with too, you know?” You shook your head as you still held pressure onto Roger’s wound. You could feel the thumping of his heart begin to slow down and slowly it stopped.

“Roger?” You shook him softly. “Roger! No!”

“He’s gone,” Zemo spat as he slowly stood up, wincing as he placed pressure on his left leg. You turned to look at Zemo as he raised his gun towards you, “and you’re next.” He smirked before pointing the gun to a different direction behind you, “or maybe I should kill your parents first.” You glanced behind you. Your parents, there they were. You remember them after all this time. You began to feel the emotions begin to stir inside you, you cleared your throat, now wasn’t the time.

You stood in front of the gun that was directed towards your parents, “you’ll have to get through me first.” There she was, the little girl Natasha and Bucky remembered. Standing in front of them now ready to defend them. Natasha wished she wasn’t tied up, she wanted to protect you. She pulled and pulled on her restraints but they wouldn’t budge. Natasha glanced at Bucky, watching as he was attempting to take his restraints off.

“Soldat,” The doctor spat.

You clench your jaw, “she has been wiped many times, we thought that trigger wouldn’t work on her anymore,” another doctor exclaimed as he took a couple of steps back from the girl. The fear was visible in his eyes, he knew the capability of your powers and he knew you haven’t yet seen their full extent. Now that you remembered everything, he was sure that they didn’t have the likelihood of leaving this room alive.

“You’re afraid,” you said in a mocking manner as a grin formed in your face, “funny how the tables turned.” You moved slowly towards the doctors, they quickly took steps back.

“Soldat, I demand you to back down,” Zemo ordered you, noticing the sparks beginning to form in your hands.

You sent him a glare, “Back down?” She chuckled, “but I was so hopeful to show my parents the cool shit you’ve done with me, remember that Zemo? The serums? Because I sure as hell remember.” You ran over to Zemo, wrapping your hands around his neck. “Or have you forgotten the monster you’ve created?”

Zemo tried to claw at your hands. The electricity emerged once again in your hands shocking Zemo, but it wasn’t long until you felt a sharp pain in your hip and you were pushed towards the ground, falling face first. You groaned as you slowly got on your feet, glancing towards the soldier that had pushed you. “As easily as I created you, I can also destroy you,” Zemo spat as he pointed his gun towards you.

“Is that with or without the help of your little minions?” You wiped the blood off of your lip, glancing over at Roger who laid there lifeless, you couldn’t save him and it angered you, you could feel the rage inside you getting bigger by the minute.

“Why don’t you be a good little girl and obey orders, huh?” Zemo snarled as he gestured towards your parents.

“You ruined me!” You shouted, the anger was beginning to crawl into your hands, forming sparks once again. “You monsters took me away from my family!” the sparks began to grow bigger as your anger grew. “And to top it off, you made me into your monster!” You raised your arm, facing it towards Zemo, without a second thought the electricity moved from your hand into Zemo causing him and the guards that were near him to fall down on the ground. It only lasts a second before you fall onto your knees, your powers still new to you. It took everything within you to deliver such power. Your hands on the floor as you tried your best to regain your energy.

Glancing over at Zemo, you noticed he was unconscious. You groaned as you quickly got off the floor and made your way over to your family that was tied up, untying your dad first.

You untied your mother, as soon as her hands were free, her hands cupped your face, “It’s you,” she whispered.

Tears began to form in your eyes, giving her a small nod. She wrapped her arms around you and let out a small sob. You tightened the hug as tears flowed down your cheeks. “Mama,” you whispered as you took in her scent, the warmth of her hug, the comfort, and feeling of safety. You felt something tighten around you, glancing up you noticed your dad had joined the hug, “papa,” you whispered as he placed a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“We’re here, fiica mea,” he said softly as he inhaled deeply, letting out a breath of relief. You all stayed in that position for what felt for hours but it was only merely minutes.

“As much as I want to continue this reunion, You both have to get out of here,” you stated as you slowly broke the hug.

Your father brought you into a tight embrace, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. “Not without you,” he muttered.

You let go slightly of the embrace, looking at both of your parents. “I’ll be right behind you guys,” you glanced over at Zemo. “I have some business to take care of first.”

“Let us help you,” Natasha said, not wanting to lose sight of you.

You shook your head, “no, I need to do this on my own.”

“This is a fight we have to do together,” Bucky stated. “It isn’t just your fight.”

You nod, “you guys began the fight, let me finish it.” Bucky looked into your eyes, he could see the little girl that was taken from him in your eyes, but you had grown up. “Please, papa.” His heart grew at the sound of you calling him papa, how he had missed it hearing that word flow from your lips. He gently pressed another kiss on the top of your head.

“Okay,” he croaked. “The quinjet is north from here, we’re going to have to get Steve and the others out of here, so if you-”

“I know, I know, I’ll meet you guys there. Now go!”

Natasha brought you in for another hug, before letting you go, “You sure, you don’t need a little help?”

You smiled, “I may not know the full extent of my powers, but I think I got this covered. Now go help your friends get out of here.”

“Okay,” Natasha whispered. Bucky grabbed Natasha’s hand, leading the way out of the room.

“Mama, Papa,” you said aloud, catching their attention. “I love you.”

“We love you too,” they said in unison before walking out of the room.

You turned to glance over at Zemo as he slowly began to regain consciousness, “time to finish this.”

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chilling-seavey · 3 years

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Amoureux - Alfred’s Birth Story

A/N In Daniel and Louisa’s time period of the early to mid 1800s, childbirth was a dangerous thing and the statistics weren’t in the peoples’ favour in terms of survival rates. If it wasn’t the mothers passing away during delivery, it was the babies. This is one of those stories.

T/W Detailed descriptions of labour and delivery, major birth complications, stillbirth/infant death, and grief.

August 24, 1829

Daniel played softly, his fingers dancing lightly over the keys to fill the conservatory with gentle music. Louisa sat at his side on the small piano bench, quite pregnant, and nursing her swollen stomach with two gentle hands wrapped around it, protecting. The children played together quietly on the rug across the large room with a few of the nannies from the palace staff. It was calm in the room but Louisa was stressed.

“Anything yet?” Daniel asked, glancing over at his wife as the song he was playing came to an end.

Louisa shook her head and rubbed her hands gently over her stomach with her gaze downcast, “He or she is still very much quiet.”

Daniel shifted to face towards her a little better on the piano bench and reached out a hand to brush over her belly, “Give Dada a little kick, sleepy one.”

There was nothing.

“It’s hard work growing into a whole person, isn’t it?” Daniel whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the top of his wife’s growing belly right beside where his hand rested. He straightened back up and brushed a kiss over Louisa’s cheek before turning back to the piano, “Maybe something with a bit more tempo to liven you up.”

By the time lunch came around, Louisa wasn’t feeling very hungry so she opted to go upstairs to rest instead. The staff took the children to the dining room while Daniel offered to take his wife to bed. She took the stairs slowly, one hand on the railing and the other tucked in her husband’s own as he took each slow step with her. Daniel never rushed her. He watched her with care and concern and even helped to hold her dress up and out of the way so she wouldn’t trip as she stepped.

About halfway up, Louisa stopped and heaved a deep breath.

Daniel waited with her to catch her breath.

But then her hand was tightening its grip on his own and her bottom lip wedged itself between her teeth and she let out a pained cry that echoed through the palace. A few of the staff came running but Daniel was already right there with her, nearly holding his wife up all on his own in the middle of the staircase.

“Louisa.” he said softly, wincing as she gripped tighter to his hand and pressed her other just under the swell of her stomach.

She cried out again just as Mary, her lady-in-waiting, appeared behind her to see what was the matter. Daniel still held the front of Louisa’s dress up and his eye was caught by the little drops of red that were falling onto the step they were standing on.

“Oh mon Dieu.” Louisa cried, clinging onto Daniel as he and Mary started to help her up the stairs to her bedroom.

Some of the other staff got right to work cleaning the blood from the floors and the nannies kept the children occupied as word spread through Highgrove that something wasn’t quite right with the lady of the house.

Louisa was striped from her day clothes and left in a white nightgown and set back in bed as the doctor was called for. Daniel stayed right at her side, letting her grip onto his hand as she laboured and stained the white sheets in red.

“What is happening?” Louisa asked loudly, fear apparent in her voice.

“Just a little blood, miss.” Mary assured her a gently as she could. “The doctor should be here any moment.”

“You’re alright.” Daniel whispered reassuringly to his wife, tucked right up at her side, and brushed her strawberry-blonde hair out of her face as sweat was forming at her hairline. “You’re just fine.”

The ladies in the room bustled around to get everything prepared for a birth – earlier than the doctor had calculated or expected. Louisa’s screams of agony seemed to keep tensions high as the staff worked quickly to tend to her and keep her as comfortable as possible as she progressed quickly. She had done this five times before, had delivered three boys and two girls into the world, and yet this time the blood that stained her nightgown and her bedsheets was a first.

The doctor came swiftly and hurried over to the foot of the bed to assess the young mother, tucking her stained nightgown up over her knees as she laid with them spread for him. Louisa bit down on the side of her arm as the doctor checked her out and Daniel watched him with bated breath for a verdict.

“You are in fact labouring early, miss.” the doctor said as he sat back from her and rested her nightgown back down to keep her decent in the room full of people.

“What’s with the blood?” Daniel asked quickly.

“The baby might be in distress so it is crucial that we get him or her out as soon as possible.”

“I am going to die!” Louisa sobbed, gritting her teeth and screaming out as another painful contraction ripped through her.

“No. Don’t you dare say that.” Daniel scolded softly, pressing a strong kiss to her temple.

“We will do our best, miss.” the doctor said, his attempt at reassurance not meaning much.

Louisa squirmed uncomfortably on the bed, burying her face in Daniel’s chest as she wailed, staining his shirt in tears. He could only cradle her head and shush her softly and try not to think about the unthinkable.

The doctor kept a very close eye on her as she progressed, trying to hurry her along the best he could as he prepared for birth. Louisa ended up pulling off her nightgown to labour completely naturally and no one dare question her. For the last five births she did so naked so the sixth would be no different. It was how she felt most comfortable and no one was to question that.

Daniel sat beside her like he was glued there, letting her grip his hand between his soft kisses to her head and her cheek every once in a while, whispering reassuring words into her ear no matter how much she swore in French until the words echoed off the walls.

By quarter to 2 in the afternoon, the doctor declared Louisa ready to deliver and the trembling frightened young woman was set into position.

“Doctor.” Louisa spoke shakily.

The man glanced up at her from the foot of the bed, “Yes, miss?”

“If you must choose, please save my baby.”

“Louisa.” Daniel said sharply.

“It is in the hands of God, miss.” was the doctors only response.

“Louisa, look at me.” Daniel grabbed her chin and turned her head to get her to look up at him. Her green eyes were shimmering in tears. “You are not dying on me today, you understand?”

She only sobbed.

“Louisa, promise me.” Daniel ordered.

“I am so scared.” she cried.

Daniel just stared at her for a moment, her flushed cheeks and teary eyes and the fear in her face. He couldn’t argue with her…not like that…not then. He only leaned down and pressed a strong kiss to her lips.

“You must push now, miss.” the doctor instructed.

Daniel shifted beside her to tuck his hand under her knee as she bore down strongly. It was a place he had taken already five times before and the instinct seemed to only come naturally. She gripped his other hand so tightly her nails were digging into his flash but he didn’t dare complain. He watched her, his beautiful wife, for it might have been the last time.

“That’s it, miss. Keep going.” the doctor encouraged, his hands working right between her legs to help coax the baby out.

The staff around the room watched on attentively, a few of the ladies had frightened tears in their eyes as the blood soaked sheets were not a safe sight and the awfully pale Duchess had them saying silent prayers across the room. Mary, however, was right at Louisa’s other side; patting her forehead with a damp cloth perfectly silently.

“That’s the head, miss, push for me some more.” the doctor praised, one of the ladies rushing up behind him with a clean linen at the ready.

Louisa gripped Daniel’s hand until her knuckles turned pale and she gritted her teeth and pushed with whatever weak energy was left in her.

“That’s so good, darling.” Daniel whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple as she took a shaky inhale.

“Once more, miss. Big push now.” the doctor ordered.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Daniel breathed, pressing his forehead against his wife’s head in silent prayer, still holding her leg back and letting her squeeze his hand. “Almost there, darling.”

Louisa shrieked in agony, bending herself forward slightly to really put all her efforts out and to birth her sixth child into the doctor’s waiting hands. The sudden relief washed over her with a deep gasp and she fell backwards onto the soft white pillows, heaving for air. Mary fanned her face quickly as Daniel cradled the back of her head lovingly.

But from the noise of her delivery, silence fell over the room. Perfect silence.

Louisa took a moment to catch her bearings but it was only seconds later she was lifting her head up again, “Where’s my baby?”

The nurse held the small baby in the linen in her arms, the white fabric stained slightly in blood and fluid, her face as melancholy as the doctor’s.

Silence.

“I want to see my baby.” Louisa panted, holding out her trembling arms to the nurse.

“We must deliver the placenta first, miss.” the doctor spoke flatly.

Louisa didn’t take her eyes off the white bundle that had been taken from her and across her bedroom the entire time she pushed out the placenta and another nurse helped to tuck it away in one of the chamber pots. Daniel stayed where he was, the two young parents watching the doctor move across the room to the nurses and ladies in waiting to assess the child.

There was nothing but silence.

“I demand to see my baby at once!” Louisa snapped suddenly, fear apparent in her voice.

The nurse who had received the baby from the doctor’s hands walked slowly over to the bedside, the doctor right beside her. She passed over the swaddled newborn and Louisa took it carefully, easily resting her arms right around it.

“I am afraid, miss,” the doctor spoke gently, “that the baby was delivered stillborn. It was a boy.”

Louisa let out a soft whimper as she stared down at her sixth child, wrapped in white in her arms, his face a near paper white and his eyes closed gently. He looked as if he were sleeping.

“Alfie.” Louisa’s soft whisper of her fourth son’s name broke in her throat and Daniel’s heart nearly shattered at the entirety of it.

He only shuffled up closer to his wife and tucked his arms right around her and held her as she cried. Daniel hid his own tears behind her, trying to stay somewhat strong for her after a painful delivery to only be met with no expected sweet prize.

“Why is God punishing us?” Louisa sobbed, clinging onto her son that she never got to meet. “Not my baby.”

Daniel scrunched his eyes shut and hid his face behind her shoulder, choking back his own tears for the sake of the crowded room. The last time he felt heartbreak like this was when he was forced to leave Louisa behind with his brother but even that didn’t feel as sickening as this.

“We will give you a moment, your Royal Highnesses.” Mary said softly and ushered the ladies and the doctor out of the room.

With privacy, Daniel couldn’t hold back his sob, holding Louisa tightly as the two of them cried out their sudden sorrows.

“What did I do wrong?” Louisa sniffled.

Daniel shook his head as he looked up from her bare shoulder, “Nothing.”

“Merde.” Louisa cried, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks.

Daniel could only pull her face close to press a strong kiss to her cheek and nuzzled his face with hers, their tears mixing together between them as they stared down at their sleeping son. Daniel wrapped his arm around hers and brushed his hand gently over the baby’s dark hair and full cheeks. He was warm from having been just delivered but he was terribly still. It was frightening.

They sat there in their bed together, holding their stillborn child and crying together until their tears were nearly running dry.

“My heart aches.” Louisa breathed. Her voice was trembling.

“Mine as well.” Daniel whispered through a sniffle.

The doors opened again and the staff returned after giving them a moment to grieve. Louisa was redressed and wrapped up to keep warm after birth, her bleeding having stopped and her heartrate stable and physical health unwavering. Daniel held the baby while she was tended to, standing a few paces from the bedside with his focus all on who would have been his fourth son, sixth child, and seventh love of his life.

Little Alfred was buried three days later. The world rested heavily on the Seavey’s that cloudy afternoon as the smallest casket was lowered into the ground in the family plot right beside Daniel’s eldest brother. Louisa’s sobs could nearly be heard all through London.

Daniel only cried in private, hiding himself in the pantry or in one of the far stairwells and sobbed into his sleeve until his cheeks were red and his lungs were gasping for breath. There was no pain like holding your deceased child, even one who had yet to even open his eyes to the world.

Daniel and Louisa consoled each other honestly as time went by but were terrified to have any more children. They swore five to be their cut off to prevent themselves from enduring anymore heartbreak. But that wasn’t written in the stars as Louisa fell pregnant almost a year later – her longest amount of time between pregnancies – and later delivered a perfectly healthy baby girl one Spring morning and named her Victoria. Victory. Rising above the ashes of grief into the sunshine of new life.

#👑#daniel seavey #why dont we #daniel seavey oneshots #royal!wdw

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loudsuitlover · 4 years

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Doctor Harry XXXII. The End of the Road

A/N: This is it folks! The end of the road... I want to thank you all for every message and for that, especially my love anon (now not anon anymore) because seriously you’ve been the wind blowing on my sail.

Also like I’ve said, I’m all in for blurbs into Harry’s and Indie’s life together so I might surprise you with some when you least expect them ;) Thank you thank you thank you

BLUE’S POV

My hands are sticky and trembling as I wait on the line. The dim lights really give the café such a cosy sense to it and the dark brown of the furniture and the bricks also make it look like you were inside an auburn tree. It also smells delicious, like cookies and cinnamon and berries deliciously mixed with the strong scent of coffee.

My heart stops beating as I stand before her with just the desk and the vintage looking cashier between us. She hasn’t yet looked at me when she asks.

“What would you like to have, dea-?”

Her tone dies down when her hazel eyes finally set on me and mine investigate hers as I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Indie.” She whispers.

I give her a timid smile. Dylan’s mum calls someone named Molly and asks her to take care of the cashier as she comes out from behind the desk. She’s wearing an apples-pattern apron tied around her waist and her hair, shorter now than ever, is barely coming out of a low ponytail on the back of her neck. She lets out what could be described as a nervous chuckle when she stands closer to me. I can tell she doesn’t know how to greet me so I give her a hug. Her arms wrap around me and I feel her sighing against my chest.

“Let me get us a cup of coffee and a muffin.”

I stand there watching her work and hold the cute lilac plate with the huge muffin when she tells me and she takes both our coffee cups with tiny plates underneath to a table near one of the windows. It’s raining outside but it’s nice to watch and hear the rain from inside the café. The fire is lit so it’s nice and warm inside too.

“The place looks lovely, Amalia.”

“Thank you.” She smiles. “You look stunning.”

I smile at her before I add some sugar to my coffee and stir it with my teaspoon. She does the same.

“It’s very nice to see you. This muffin right here is called Indie Blue.” She grins. “It’s got vanilla and blueberries.”

I nod and smile at her but I’m sure she can tell my eyes get teary. I don’t deserve this. The fact that after three years, Dylan’s mother still makes a muffin and names it after me, when all I’ve done is… Move on just breaks my heart.

“How are you, love?” She sets her hand over mine. “Tell me about Med school.”

“I’m good.” I lie. “Med school is fine. It’s getting harder every year but I like it more every year too so that’s good. I feel like we’re all growing up so fast though. I mean Olivia’s leaving, Jason too…”

It almost surprises me how I can still talk to her as if we were family. I guess in a way we are. We went through the loss of Dylan together. She helped me and I think I helped her too, so I think we will always be somehow connected.

“Where are they leaving?”

She grabs a fork and eats some of the muffin after she took the paper of it and I eye the fork she set in front of me. Her kind eyes don’t leave mine and she looks so much like Dylan, even though the colour of their eyes is different, the way they look is the same so I can’t look into her eyes for too long. They look at you as if you were the most interesting person in the room, it doesn’t matter what you’re saying, you can talk about garden dwarfs and still be interesting to them.

“Olivia’s going to Paris. She’s very excited. She wants to be a gynaecologist and she got an internship on the maternal unit so she’s very happy. And Jason’s going to the States. He’s only going to be gone for three months, thank God.” I chuckle.

“Not long.” She grins.

“What about you? How are you and Robert?”

“We’re good, yeah. Robert’s back on the road. He went back last year and I’ve been good, pretty busy with the café and the organisation.”

My eyes drop to the muffin between us when she mentions that and I take a forkful and bring it to my mouth.

“I’m also babysitting now. D’you remember the Holts next door?” I nod. “Well, they had a baby and I stay with her sometimes.”

“Nice. I bet she’s cute.”

“She is so cute, so chubby too.” She giggles.

I giggle and fear the moment when our conversation will die enough so that she would ask me why I came. I don’t need a reason to come see her and I could always say I just wanted to catch up with her, but this woman knows me like my Mum does and I know she knows there’s something I want to tell her.

She asks me about my Mum too but I know they still talk and she tells me about Caroline, Jess and Sean. She keeps in touch with them too and it’s nice to hear life’s good for them. Sometimes I’m sad I lost contact with them after Dylan’s loss but it was just too hard to see them. It was like I couldn’t stop thinking about who was missing.

“How are you, really, Blue?” She asks.

I know what she means. I take a deep breath. There goes nothing.

“I met someone.”

My voice croaks and I didn’t know the tears were so close to falling until they roll down my cheeks. I wipe them away and try my best not to sob and even though her eyes are teary too, her hand rests on mine again and her thumb caresses the back of my hand.

“I’m very happy for you.”

My eyebrows meet and I shake my head. I knew she would be.

“I just wish I could talk to him. I want to tell him I haven’t forgotten about him. I never will…” I let the tears roll down my cheeks. “I love him but… I’ve just been… So lonely and it’s been so hard and I wasn’t looking for him, he just… Showed up and… I don’t know, I guess you’re the closest thing I have to Dylan now… And I needed to take this off my chest, to explain myself to you, I… I wish he hadn’t died, I wish that every day, but he did and I have to stay here and live without him and I thought I had to that alone but… Maybe I don’t?”

“Indie, Robert and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. We love you. And so did Dylan, I know he did, but like you said, you have to live, darling.” She smiles. “He’d be happy.”

I can’t hold it in anymore so I hide my face behind my hands and full on cry. She brings a chair next to mine and wraps her arm around my shoulders and just let me cry like she has done so many times before.

“I miss him.” I confess. “There are so many things I want to tell him every day, you know. I want him to see that Coco’s in love, that I got an A in Paediatrics, that Rio is working at the bank.”

“He is seeing that.” Her arm squeezes me closer to her. “He’s taking care of us. I know you miss him, honey. So do I, but he would want us to go on.”

“Yes, I know.”

“He would be very proud of you. I hope you know that.”

“I just want him to know I love him, I always will, even if I love someone else. It doesn’t change who he is to me.”

“I know.”

She gives me some tissues and I cry over her son’s absence as she rests her cheek on my head and caress my arm. She’s always been a lot stronger than I am and she’s always been a rock to rest upon when I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. When I calm down enough, she sits back in front of me and gives me a small smile.

“Will you tell me about him?”

I can see him in her and somehow by telling her, I feel like I’m confessing it to him too.

“There’s not much to tell now” I raise my eyebrows “it didn’t work out.”

“What? Why?”

I shake my head and shrug as if I didn’t know why when I perfectly know what happened. I tell her a little about him though and she asks mum-like questions and even laughs at some of the stories I tell her.

After about an hour of chatting, we both call it a day and I go home to my dad and siblings. I didn’t tell them the real reason why Harry didn’t come. I told them he eventually got caught up with work and if they didn’t believe it they pretended they did.

The Golden Girls have been checking on me daily but even though I’m heartbroken, I’m somehow calmed. I talked to Amalia and I told Harry what I needed to tell him so I guess I just have this feeling of having been honest with everyone and I don’t feel guilty anymore.

I’m brushing my hair on my pyjamas after the shower when Ollie calls.

“Hi, babe” she chirps. “How is everything at Capitol? How’s your dad?”

“Good.” I tell her. “Yeah, he’s doing great. You wouldn’t tell he had an aortic dissection.”

We both chuckle.

“I knew it. Your dad’s strong like a bull.” She giggles.

“How are you?”

“I’m good. I got a call from Paris. Do you remember I did the interview on Skype?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, they just called me.” She sighs. “I got it.”

So she’s officially leaving. Oh, man, I’m going to miss her so much.

“Indie?”

“Yes.” I get my shit together. “Well, that’s great, Ollie! I’m so happy for you! I won’t lie to you, I’m going to miss you like crazy but I’m happy for you.”

“Maybe you don’t have to miss me…” She says.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I rejected it.”

“WHAT? Where does this change of heart comes from?”

“I don’t know… I’ve just been thinking… Paris is so far away…”

Oh, no. She’s as head over heels in love as I am… It must be the time for us Golden Girls…

“You did it for Mario, didn’t you?”

There’s a certain silence on her end but I can hear her breathing.

“Maybe.”

I smile.

“So you guys are like together for real?”

“Yes… Aren’t we?”

I chuckle.

“Oh, no, don’t ask me! Did you two talk about this? Does he know you took the internship down for him?”

“Of course not! I didn’t do it for him! Olivia Bassot doesn’t reject internships for anyone! I did it for myself.”

“Because you want to be with him.”

“That’s right but still it was for me, not for him.”

“Okay, yeah, great.” I laugh. “May I know what made you change your mind?”

She sighs.

“Actually, I don’t quite know. It’s just when they told me I got it, I wasn’t happy, you know? So I thought wait, I don’t have to go, I don’t have to prove anything to anybody.”

“That’s right.” I smile. “I won’t lie, Ollie, I’m fucking happy.”

She laughs.

“Me too, babe. Now I gotta go, I’m telling Mario tonight. Wish me luck.”

“What do you mean wish me luck? He’s gonna be thrilled!”

“He better.” She laughs. “Anyway, gotta go. Love you!”

“Love you.”

Well, at least there are some good news. Wrapped up on my thick woollen stay at home cardigan, I make my way downstairs where I guess my family awaits. Rio’s reading a book near the fireplace and Coco’s walking towards the door.

“Are you expecting someone?” She asks me.

I shake my head and stare at the door from the bottom of the stairs. My dad shows up at the kitchen door and tells me he made pumpkin and sweet potato cream and I’m about to thank him when my sister opens the door.

“Blue, look who’s here!”

My mouth and my eyes open wide. My heart beats hard and fast against my ribs and my breathing stops until I feel tingling all over my skin.

It’s Harry.

“Hello, Blue.”

I deflate like a balloon when I hear his voice and my breathing resumes. I almost have to hold on to the railing of the stairs so as not to fall. There he is, calm and unfaced, standing right next to my sister and looking stunning on blue jeans and a dark brown sweater underneath his opened grey coat. His hair is a messy mane of curls on top of his head but his warm signature dimply smile is nowhere to be found. That’s the only reason that I don’t run towards him and kiss him.

Hello, Blue. No hello, baby or hello, love. Hello, Blue. Anyone here in Capitol could have said that… But he’s here. He’s cold, but he’s here. That’s already something and I don’t know why I’m complaining.

“Oh, Harry!” My dad walks towards him and offers him his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Blue said you got caught up with work.”

His green eyes search for mine before he looks back at my dad. I don’t know what he’s thinking.

“I was indeed caught up with work but… I got off the hook last minute.”

“That’s great! Isn’t that great, Blue? But get in here!” My dad urges me. “Greet him, honey.”

I clear my throat and run a hand through my hair as I walk closer to him. Harry doesn’t take his eyes off me but he’s seemingly unaffected by my presence. I’m afraid of his greeting. If he flinches I might cry. I don’t know whether he read my note or not but if he did, I don’t know why he’s acting so cold and if he didn’t, I don’t know why he’s here.

Coco’s closed the door after him and I see a small trolley behind him. My heart warms up at the thought that he came to stay. When I get to him, the habit takes the best of me and my lips search for his but he discreetly pulls his face away and instead gives me a hug. I don’t know if he did it out of respect for my dad or because he didn’t really want to kiss me. Something tells me it’s the second.

His hug is short and superficial and when he pulls away I feel like crying. His green eyes avoid staring into my own and I wonder if he came all the way here just to torture me with his coldness and distance. As I turn around, I see Rio standing a few feet behind me.

“This is my brother, Rio. Rio, this is Harry.”

“Hi, mate.” Rio shakes his hand and Harry gives him a lips closed smile.

When my brother pulls apart, Coco slips her thin, woollen covered body and gives Harry a hug. He gives her a dimply smile and I feel jealousy burning on my belly. What is he doing? That smile was for me!

“I’ll put another plate on the table.” Dad smiles.

My siblings follow him inside the dining room and Harry and I both hear the drawers opening and closing and plates and glasses being placed on the table.

“How did you know where my dad lives?” I whisper to him.

“I asked Olivia.”

With that he walks inside the dining room and I hear him asking Coco how he can help. Wait, so Olivia knew he was coming and she didn’t tell me anything? I literally just talked to her!

At least during dinner I get to sit next to him even though I doubt it was his choosing but rather where he was supposed to sit. I feel clumsy with my cutlery as I try to cut the steak. My Dad’s been asking Harry and me questions all dinner and Harry’s answered those about himself but has let me answer the ones about our relationship so he doesn’t have to tell everyone we’re nothing now, I guess.

My dad brings homemade yoghurt to the table and even after the sweetening effect of my dad’s dessert, Harry’s still distant and cold but he only punishes me. He’s all smiles and cavalry to my family and even Rio seems to like him.

“And Harry” Rio asks “do you know my sister Coco’s boyfriend?”

Coco rolls her eyes and blushes and Harry chuckles.

“Yes, I do.” He nods. “His brother works with me. They’re nice guys, good people.”

“Cool.” Rio nods. “Podrías traerlo tú también a casa, Coco.” (You could bring him home too, Coco.)

“Sí, claro. Harry es mayor que tú. No es lo mismo. El está a salvo porque no podrías con él, pero Guido tiene 21, como Blue. Te lo comerías con papas.” (Yeah, right. Harry is older than you. It’s not the same. He’s safe because you couldn’t take him but Guido is 21, likewise Blue. He’d have nothing to do.)

I don’t think Harry’s understand most of it, but I’m sure he got the part of Harry’s older than you and Guido’s 21 and he’s smart enough to figure out the rest.

Harry’s phone screen illuminates as he gets a text and my heart gets warm when I realize he at least hasn’t change his lock screen photo. I can’t help the grin.

“You didn’t send me that picture of the wedding.” I half whisper to him.

“Did you see them?”

“So there’s more than the one…”

He lets out a little giggle that warms my insides and makes me feel like a teenager.

“You meant my lock screen, right?”

I nod.

“Who took it?”

“The photographer. I think he had a thing for you.” He smirks. “He took lots.”

I look down at my empty yoghurt bowl and smirk. I think that was progress. Baby steps, but it’s better than the cold stare and the minimum hug he gave me when he got here.

After dinner, Dad moves the party to the living room and we all take seats on the couches and the armchairs by the fireplace. Harry doesn’t pay attention to me but my family doesn’t find it weird, mostly because they haven’t really seen us together before, but also because Dad and Rio seem so invested into learning about him. They find him as interesting as I do and I think Harry is at ease too, despite all the questioning. I can tell by his body language that he’s grateful for the way my family welcome him. His eyes avoid mine, but I can tell there’s gratitude on them too and I wonder if he’d ever look at me like he used to.

Dad gets up from his armchair and walks towards the record player and Rio and him start a conversation about which album to play. I take it as my chance to have Harry to myself so I jump from my spot on the coach and sit down next to him. His eyes warn me not to sit too close and most importantly not to touch him, so I keep my hands to myself despite my yearning.

“Are you okay?” I whisper.

“Yes, I am. How are you?”

His interest both surprises and softens me and my heart flutters with hope.

“I’m happy you came.” I confess.

“I’m happy you invited me.”

His words are conciliatory but his tone is still dry and I can’t read his expression. His body is tensed though.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

I snort. He’s impossible. We both fall into silence after that and I wait for him to explain himself but he never does so I speak again.

“Are you going to talk to me?”

“I am talking to you now.”

“Harry, please.” My bottom lips come out of its own accord. “Can you stop torturing me?”

His jaw clenches and he looks ahead, away from me. I swallow my willing to yell at him and look down at my feet. I feel belittled and abandoned and I hate that he’s so close and so far away.

“I… Did you read my note?”

Only then he tilts his neck so he’s facing me. His green eyes look at me and for the first time since he arrived, I can see the battle inside him. I can see the part of him who wants to forgive me, maybe there’s even a part that already has; but he’s still holding back. I can work with that, I can respect that.

“I am sorry. I already wrote that to you but I can say it out loud in front of my family if you want. I’ll do anything, please. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“I don’t want you to do that or to keep apologizing, even.”

“Then what do you want?”

I watch him blink. I can tell he’s flabbergasted. He probably wasn’t expecting this behaviour from me and quite frankly neither was I but after talking to Amalia and after getting the peace I needed, I need him to know I would really do anything to take back all the pain I’ve caused him.

“I want you to be fully honest with me and to be yourself for real.”

“Pardon?”

“No more lies, no more hiding things.” He whispers. “You tell me the truth and you tell me what worries you and you tell me when you’re scared and you tell me why. I’ll do the same. I think it’s a fair deal.”

I swallow. I can do that. I meant it when I said I’d do anything. If that’s what he wants, then that’s what he’ll get. I just hope he won’t run away when he hears it all.

“When are you planning on saying it to my face?”

I almost laugh. Is he serious? He came all the way here just to hear me say that? I didn’t think he would want to hear me say it with such fervour. Isn’t it obvious? Is it not enough to show it? Is it not best to show it? I would rather have someone never telling me they love me but showing me every day that the other way around.

But okay, I can do that too. If he wants me to say it that bad, then I’ll say it… But in my own way. From the corner of my eye, I can see my dad’s still busy with the records and Rio’s back on his book and Coco’s on the phone. No one’s paying attention to us. So I get closer to him and I act brave despite the fear of his rejection. He frowns but he gets visibly nervous and he doesn’t flinch and he doesn’t pull away so I keep getting closer, like a kitten, and his eyes drop to my mouth. My lips look for his and Harry relaxes his face and for a moment it seems his guard is down and his lips part. His pupils are dilated and his eyes are set on my lips.

“Blue! I got an A on my essay!” Coco celebrates.

Fuck you, Coco! I mean- good for you but fuck your timing! Harry pulls away from me and I straighten my back despite the way my chest deflates. I give my sister a smile.

“Enhorabuena, hermana.” (Congratulations, sister.)

Dad and Rio congratulate her and ask her on her essay, as if they would understand anything of her engineering, and I try to gain back my reconciliation with Harry but he pulls back this time.

“Wait, Blue.” He whispers. “I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t touch you until you figure your shit out.”

Great. That could take years, genius.

It shouldn’t make me so frustrated. I remind myself of a dog in heat or one of those men that get mad when women reject them at bars. I frown and straighten my back so I sit farther away from him, but after a second I can’t take it anymore.

I stand up and without saying a word I make my way upstairs. Harry’s been all talkative to my family and ignoring me all night, they can show him to his room now or give him conversation. I don’t care anymore.

When I climb the stairs, I open the door to the balcony and make my way outside. It’s freezing out here before the mountains, so I turn on the heater and wrap one of the blankets on the basket between the couches around my body. Looking to the side, I can see my part of the balcony, the one that belongs to my room, and I remember last time I was here, when I sat there with Jason and we talked and talked about Harry and about Dylan and about the same fucking story once and again.

It was all for nothing. After all, it was all for nothing. I tortured myself with the thought that I was leaving Dylan behind, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt guilty and couldn’t recognize myself and all for what? All to be now sitting down all alone because the man who turned everything into a fucking mess doesn’t even want to touch me.

I hear the balcony door opening and my sister’s soft voice almost whispering she’s here and the next thing I hear are footsteps coming my way. The door closes and Harry stands beside me.

“It’s bloody freezing in here.”

I nod but don’t dare to look at him.

“Baby”

His tone sounds tired but the nickname makes my heart flutter. My eyes search his, desperately, and I think he’s done with giving me the hard look and the cold façade. I don’t like that Harry, that’s not him. Harry is kind and understanding and a good listener. He’s not harsh and hard and cold. That’s me.

“I think I’m acting like such a spoiled brat.” I confess. “You’re just giving me a taste of my own medicine and I don’t fucking like it. I didn’t really need you to show me how insufferable I am though. I already knew that.”

He sighs.

“Can we go somewhere alone and not freezing?” He asks. “We need to talk.”

I look into his eyes. He’s standing tall right next to the heater and I’m sitting down with my knees to my chest and the blanket around me. My heart is pounding on the back of my throat and I can feel my pulse on my brain.

“I love you.”

The words come out clean and clear, despite my nervousness, and my eyes don’t leave his until the weight of them fall upon us. That’s the first time I have ever said that to a man different than Dylan, that’s the first time I’ve meant those words in a romantic way after him. I can’t yet read him. He’s just looking at me and I don’t know whether on the inside he’s grinning or whether he’s about to cry.

“Isn’t that what you wanted to hear?” I am whispering now and I guess all my strength and my bravery have gone with those three words that got no answer.

“Is that why you said it?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No” I look down at my knees and think I’m about to cry “I said it because it’s true. I already wrote it down for you.”

He offers me his hand. I don’t understand his silence or why he is barely moving but I take his hand and he gives me a timid smile.

“Will you show us to your room?”

I leave the blanket a mess on the basket and walk with him towards my room. My dad played Miles Davis downstairs but I can still hear the fire and the keyboard of somebody’s laptop.

Once in my room, I take a deep breath and try not to think of what happened here before I met Harry. I try not to see Dylan on my bed, I try not to listen to his voice making fun of me for my decorations. Harry has a look around but he stands right there and he doesn’t move until I tell him he can.

“After your boyfriend passed away” he starts.

I feel my shoulders tensing and my breathing catching on my throat. No, no, no, no. I can feel his green eyes on me, studying me carefully, but I can’t look back at him.

“Did you go to therapy?”

I swallow. I don’t know why it is so hard to talk about this yet I manage to nod.

“How long for?”

“Two years.”

I see him nodding his head before he sighs. I guess he’s figuring out I’m actually really broken. I suppose if I hadn’t been to therapy, then he could hold onto that and he could say well she’s crazy now but she’ll get better but I bet after knowing I am actually the product of two years of therapy, he might give up.

“You said I wasn’t your second boyfriend. How long did you stay with him for?” I don’t answer. “How long ago was this?” He gives me some time to answer but I am still silent. “Why did you two break up?”

I am embarrassed to tell him and I don’t know why that’s even important. Javier is not something that bothers me. He’s in the past and I don’t think he has left any trauma in me and even if he did, Harry doesn’t have to worry about that. He is nothing like him and not even for a second have I doubted that.

“You’re not gonna speak?”

I want to fix things with him and I want to give him what he wants from me but I am embarrassed.

“Say something.”

“I don’t want to sleep here.”

The second I step out of the room, everything seems easier. I hear him taking a deep breath and sighing deeply before he follows me and when we enter the guest room in a second he’s behind me. His proximity covers my skin with goosebumps because I can feel his breathing against my ear shell and I can smell his scent and I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my mouth.

“When you found out about my shit you shut me out and I chased you day and night so you would let me explain. You were mad and, despite the way you treated me, I didn’t stop until I got you to listen to me because you’re important to me and I care. Now, you’re the one who’s hid something from me and instead of getting mad, I’m here, trying to get you to talk to me and you can’t even look me in the eyes.”

His proximity disappears as fast as it arrived and all he lets me se is his back as he sits down on the edge of the bed. I swallow and don’t know what to do. I look at him before my eyes set on our reflection on the glass of the window. He is looking down so he can’t see it but I can see us two and all of a sudden it’s like I know what to do.

Harry doesn’t deserve my silence. I owe him. I owe him a lot, even if he doesn’t know that, because in the last five months, I have laughed a lot more often and a lot harder and I have respected myself and I have actually wanted things. He gave that back to me and he deserves to see me, he deserves to know me and if after that he wants to leave, then I will take that but he will know who I really am.

I take a sit on the bed and cross my legs so my ankles hid underneath my thighs. I have never done this before outside of therapy and I don’t even know where to start. I take a deep breath.

“I met Dylan in this house when I was fifteen years old. Until then I had just been a posh spoiled girl like you thought I was when we met and, to be fair, I think if it hadn’t been for him, you would have been right on every stupid assumption you made about me that day in your kitchen.” I swallow.

“We started dating a year later but really I think I fell for him the very same night we met. I’ve had a… happy life. I mean before the accident. My childhood was good, my family never struggled and I was loved and wanted. I think I’ve always had everything I’ve wanted and still before I met Dylan I always felt like I was never in the right place. It was an uneasy feeling but I just never felt like I belonged anywhere. And then… He gave me that.

He didn’t think of me as a spoiled rich girl, he saw me and to him I was just… Indie. And he made me feel like the most interesting person in the world. I told him once when I was little my friends’ mothers wouldn’t let me play with Rio and the rest of the boys so I never learnt to climb a tree and he took me to his grandparents’ house and had me climbing to this huge tree on their backyard before he got the ladder down from his tree house.” I giggle nervously and hear Harry snorting a chuckle too.

He has turned around and is now staring at me and he’s silent but his body language has completely changed. I have his undivided attention.

“He was my first everything. My first love, my first boyfriend, my first best friend, my first time… And also my first fight, my first heartbreak and my first reconciliation and I guess… There was a part of me who wanted him to be the last too.”

I bit my bottom lip so it stops trembling and Harry patiently waits in silence until I get my voice back.

“When I left for Uni, he stayed in Capitol. His dad had cancer and his mum had to work so he decided to postpone Uni for a year or two until things got better. I admired him for that but then…” My eyes look away but now that I’ve started it’s like I can’t stop. “He changed. He became short-tempered and harsh and we started fighting a lot. I think he felt as if his life was stuck among cancer and poorly paid jobs while mine was moving forward and getting better and I was having fun when he was… I think he felt as if I have abandoned him and in a way, I…”

My face contorts and my throat closes on me to the point where my voice and my breath get stuck inside. I feel pain and guilt and embarrassment choking me and my eyes shut as hot, salty tears roll down my cheeks.

“I did.” I confess. “I was tired of being sad. Whenever I saw him, we ended up fighting and I saw my friends and everyone around me living their best lives and going to parties and I was just the girl with the sad boyfriend and I…” I shake my head. “I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.”

I take a deep breath.

“One day he came to see me and we had a fight and he left for hours. When he came back…” I lick my lips dry after all the talking. “He was high. That was the first time I saw him like that but then it all started to make sense: his mood-swings, his depression, his irritability… I tried helping him.” I wipe my tears and sob before I clear my throat. “I talked to his mum, to my parents, to his friends, to him… I asked for all the help I could get but… He wanted me to go with him to one of his new friends’ party. I didn’t like those people and I was trying to get him away from them because they all smoked and he wasn’t acting himself when he was around them…”

I swallow again but the lump in my throat is getting bigger and bigger and harder to swallow.

“So he went alone. I was in Grad. It was me who called him. I felt bad that I hadn’t gone with him to the party, even if they were the wrong crowd, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do to be there for him… And… He was driving.”

I dare to look at Harry then. His green eyes meet mine but I can’t take it. It’s hard enough to tell the story, doing it under such intense stare would be impossible.

“I lost it.” Even if I had wanted to look into his eyes, everything gets blurry before me now as a new army of tears rolls down my cheeks again. “I begged him to stop the car, I yelled at him, I… I even said if he didn’t then I’d break up with him.” I sob. “And he was mad and he yelled back and then… I heard the crash.”

I stop and my eyes set on the wall. Harry’s hand gently rests on my knee and it surprises me that my body doesn’t react to it. My mind wasn’t expecting that and yet my body seems to be so used to his touch, it didn’t flinch or even jump.

“The doctors said he died on the spot so the last thing he heard before dying was a threat.”

I look at him expecting to find the judgement on his eyes. Maybe he’s disgusted by me. Maybe he thinks I’m a terrible person and he doesn’t want to see me again. But all I find is pain and sorrow and love. I frown.

“I was depressed for six full months after that and when I started talking again, I started going to therapy. I wish I were dead too.” I admit.

I can see the pain flashing through his green eyes but he lets me talk. He doesn’t shush me or tells me don’t say that and I love him for that. He lets me say and he lets me feel and I know he didn’t want me dead but he gives me this moment, he gives me this silence, these words. He lets me owe them.

“And somehow I was; some part of me was. I thought I was never going to feel even remotely close to how I felt when he was with me. For years I felt like I didn’t want anything. I just did things, but I had no desires. I wasn’t hoping for anything or even trying anything… I was just waiting… And it might sound ungrateful or selfish but I honestly was just waiting for the day I die. I felt like some part of me was already dead.

When I met Javier I wasn’t much better than that. It had been almost two years since Dylan’s accident and I guess I just wanted to feel something. We met at a club and fucked the same night and after that he was sweet at the beginning, I thought he was protective but really he was just jealous, possessive and controlling. He was… Bad. He was an abuser and he came across someone dead inside so he could do anything because I didn’t care and he did. He made me feel disgusting and fat and lazy and powerless but I guess in a way it was what I wanted. I have tortured myself for what happened to Dylan for years now. I feel guilty for not having been there for him enough… I guess part of me thought I deserved Javier to some extend… Until one day he tied me up to the headboard of the bed and left me there for three hours.”

Harry’s eyes horrified at that. His nostrils flare and his jaw clenches but he still doesn’t say anything. I swallow and go on.

“I was done with men when I met you but you…” My voice croaks but I want to tell him. I think this is the most important part. “You said I could have blue cheese” I chuckle nervously and so does he “and I… I wanted to see you.” I don’t know why I’m crying now but I feel salty tears on my mouth and my voice croaks all the time. “I hoped you would be in your coffee break when I went to the cafeteria. I mean at the beginning it was just… Orgasms.” He laughs. “But even then, I felt… Alive. I felt my heart beating and the air on my lungs and I felt my blood rushing through my veins and then it was all the time. You look at me and my pulse accelerates and when you’re close my breath gets stuck on my throat and I don’t know what to say and my skin gets covered in goosebumps and my stomach does somersaults…”

I have barely taken a breath while telling him all that but now he’s blushing and his lips can’t help the small smile and his dimple is out and for a moment I thought I would never make him smile like this ever again.

“So… I got scared.” I shrug. “I got scared that I was forgetting about Dylan. I didn’t want to leave him behind. You know, I’ve… I’ve never been able to go to his grave. I don’t think I can see his gravestone.” My voice breaks and Harry’s hand moves from my knee to my shoulder. “I don’t… I can’t remember his voice.” I sob. “I could hear him on tape but I think it would make me depressed again.” I let the lump in my throat win for a second before I fight it again. “I just want to be able to remember him without feeling my heart break into a million pieces. I mean how long does grieving take? It’s been three years and I can’t talk about him.”

“Come here.”

I let Harry pull me to him and in crying to him about Dylan I find a comfort I never thought possible. His hand carefully and lovingly rub my back and his lips press soft kisses against my hairline. I don’t know how long for he lets me cry but he only pulls away when I’m sniffing and my breathing has gone back to normal.

His green eyes investigate mine for long seconds before he takes a deep breath and speaks.

“I don’t know how to say what I want to tell you without sounding harsh.”

I purse my lips. I don’t know either but I get ready to hear it. I know this is too much. He already said I had to figure my shit out before I was in a relationship and he didn’t even know all this shit so now he’s gonna leave for good. I understand. I wouldn’t wanna be with me either.

“When you were depressed, I suppose Coco was there for you, right?”

I nod but frown. I do not know where he’s going with this.

“Did that make you feel better?”

“Of course.”

“Did that heal you?”

I frown. I guess… Not. My doctor healed me, I healed me. Coco just loved me.

“You can’t love someone out of depression, Blue.” He states. “What happened to Dylan was a terrible accident and it’s normal that with accidents we always feel as if they could have been somehow prevented but that doesn’t help anyone.” He sighs. “Death is terrible but it’s also a part of life. We all have to die. Dylan was taken too soon and I can’t imagine what that felt like, baby… Really, I am amazed that you went through that and that you… survived that and came out this… Incredible.” His eyebrows raise on his forehead as his head shakes, as if he really was amazed. “And I am sorry for what I said to you. I wish I had known this sooner but I also wish I could take back the moment where I blamed you for your… Things. This is fucking hard and I wish I could tell you how long grieving takes but I don’t know, love. Yet you don’t have to do this alone.”

My heart restarts and my eyes search for the trap.

“You’re not going to leave?”

“Where?”

“I…” I shrug. “I thought this was going to scare you away.” I frown. “That you’d realize I have deep severe issues and you would just walk away.”

Harry frowns and it’s the first time a gesture of contradiction wakes butterflies up in my belly.

“Sometimes I don’t know who you take me for--.” He shakes his head. “I love you, Blue. And I want to see you happy. I love seeing you smile and laugh and I feel… Important when I make you laugh. You’re intelligent and kind and funny and mesmerising and beyond gorgeous and… So young, love. Why would I ever want to walk away from that?”

My eyes move frantically between his and I choose not to ask him whether he really thinks that. I decide I’ll try to believe him. He shakes his head. I think he can read my mind.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” He smirks. “Could you please tell me what would be of your friends without you? Do you think Mario and Olivia would be together if it wasn’t because of you? Do you think Marie would have dared to go out with Adam? And what would be of Jason? You helped him get out of an abusive relationship. Do you know how hard that is?”

I guess he’s right. I do contribute on The Golden Girls.

“And what about me?” He chuckles. “You make me not hate myself.”

His green eyes bore into mine after he said that and I know the nodding of his head is just a way to try and swallow the lump on his throat. I can see the tears he’s holding back now.

“Before I met you, I was just waiting too and now I want to live and I want to love you and you’re gonna let me.” He persuades me so I giggle.

“Promise me you’re gonna let me.” He whispers.

“I promise.” I smile.

He nods, satisfied with my answer, and we both stare at each other smiling despite all the emotions we just shared.

“I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for you to be able to remember Dylan without feeling your heart breaking... But what I do want you to know is that I don’t think you need to stop loving him to love me or anyone else.” He shrugs. “I mean... When I think about widows remarrying, I never think of it as a bad thing, I don’t think it means forgetting... It just means... Your heart is big enough to love twice.” He smirks.

I let the tears roll down my cheeks and meet my lips.

“I don’t know why I thought you’d... Like... Not understand.” I shake my head. “I thought you might even get jealous.”

He frowns, like I was speaking some foreign language and it’s his little understanding that makes me smirk despite my tears.

“Getting jealous of that is like... I’m afraid it’s literally sick.”

I even chuckle.

“You’re strong and wonderful” he says “and I have no doubt you’ll get there. I hope it’s me the one you tell about Dylan without having your heart breaking too.” He smiles.

My lips are curled into a timid smile but my head is shaking because there’s a part of me that’s beyond happy, there’s another part of me that’s heartbroken, there’s another part that can’t believe someone this kind can exist; and in the midst of all these feelings, my mind doesn’t have control over my body anymore.

“I love you.”

I let my lips hug every syllable and my heart own every word. Harry’s lips curl until he’s grinning and I think I’ll tell him I love him every morning if he’s going to look at me like that.

I am not scared anymore.

I feel liberated and I love this man in a way that makes my heart skip every second beat. For the first time in three years, I feel like there’s not a single part of me that’s not full of life and love and plans and hope and calm.

“I love you too. And now get ready because I’m going to kiss you.”

The air leaves my lungs through a desperate smile as his hands rest on the mattress next to my thighs and he gets closer to me.

“I’m ready.”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles au #harry styles and reader #harry styles love #harry styles #harry styles new

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katsukis-sad-angel · 5 years

Text

NighteyeSquadCanons; During and right after the Chisaki arc

Pairings: Mirai Sasaki x Reader, Mirio Togata x Reader, and Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Summary: Same plot as my FatSquadCanons because I’m not creative

Warnings: Angst, slight smut, sweetness

BRUH THE GIF... I’M ALREADY CRYING

Mirai Sasaki

SFW

Ever since this thing with Eri and the Shie Hisaikai started, you’ve had a sense of impending doom

Every time he walks out the door, you’re afraid he won’t come back through it

Every time he cuddles with you at night or gives you kisses, you’re afraid you’ll never feel his warmth or the sweetness of his lips again

You beg him to stay home all the time, sometimes bursting into tears

But he always goes after drying your tears and assuring you he’ll be fine

You don’t believe him

You miss him so much

As soon as the door closes, you start crying again and run to your shared bed where you bury your face in his pillow

Spends a lot of time at his office

Comes home very late

When he comes home, he has to literally peel you off of him if he wants to move away from the door

You’re a lot shorter than him

He’s 6’7”

Big spoon

When he hugs you, he practically picks you up off the floor, or leans down to give you a kiss, or curls around you when its cuddling or sleeping time

He’s really lean and very muscley

When his button-down shirt and blazer came undone in the anime... WHEW sis had to pause and catch her breath

Some days, he’ll come home and you’re not there to greet him

He quickly discards his shoes and begins to search the apartment, looking for you

He finds you curled up on the bed and crying into your pillow with his pillow clutched to your heaving chest

“Mirai…” You whimper, squeezing the down pillow, “Please come home safe… I love you so much…”

“Y/n.”

You sit up, tears streaming down flushed cheeks

You attempt to scramble out of bed to get to him, but he gets to you first and pulls you into his arms, kissing you, whispering sweet things in your ear, and dabbing your tears away with his handkerchief

Yes

He carries those

They match his tie

Now he’s worried about you so he starts coming home as soon as possible so nights like those don’t happen

But they still do

A few evenings later, it is very late and you two just finished having sex

You had been trying to get pregnant for over a month now

He’s holding you close to his chest, kissing your ear and calming you down from your high

After taking a bath together, you two curl up in bed

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you m-”

DING

Nighteye picks up his phone and sees the message

He sighs

“What is it?” You ask softly, eyelids drooping

“I…” He exhales slowly, “I have to go darling.”

You sit up quickly. “Mirai! No! I really mean it this time, I-I have this horrible feeling… You… you might not come back, you might get hurt, y-you…”

You cover your face as tears begin to fall

Nighteye wraps his arms around you tightly, cradling your shivering body in his muscled arms

Rocks you back and forth, telling you he’d be fine and not to worry

With a final squeeze, he tucked you into bed and went to his closet to change into his suit and tie

You stare at the ceiling, tears streaming onto the pillow, your chest heaving and your heart pounding savagely, you choked on a sob and lurched from the bed before he could leave the room

Even with your sore legs, you manage to lock your limbs around his torso, begging him tearfully not to leave

“Mirai, please don’t go! I have a terrible feeling about this! I’m so afraid, pl-”

“Y/n.” He interrupts, effortlessly pulling you off and setting you on the bed, “I cannot stay with you, these antics need to stop. A little girl is in trouble. We have a solid plan to save her, so please stop worrying.”

He sounds upset, angry even.

His strict tone frightens you into silent tears

“Do not follow me out of this room. Go to sleep. No more crying or whining about your ‘gut feeling.’ I’m a pro hero for fuck’s sake. I can handle myself.”

With a final glare, he left, slamming the door behind him

You wilted

Mirai never cursed around you

He never spoke to you like that

You… you just wanted to protect him

Did he really not trust you?

You whimpered and crawled onto his side of the bed

It was still warm

You curled up, clutching his pillow and fell into a restless sleep

~hours later~

That morning you had woken up, feeling unwell

The first thing that popped into your mind made you shoot out of bed, limp to the bathroom, and take a pregnancy test

Positive

You prowled around the house, watching the news for any sign of Mirai, eating, and celebrating this long-awaited achievement all alone

You couldn’t wait until he came home and for the time being, you were content

No thoughts of your husband’s death plaguing your mind

But that didn’t last long

You received a call sometime after 12 pm

It was Bubble Girl

She spoke quickly to you, telling you to hurry to the College Hospital where your husband was being held in critical condition

When you got there, you were brought to a room where you were soon joined by All Might, Centipeder, Recovery Girl, Bubble Girl, a green-haired UA student, and Eraserhead.

A doctor came in and explained a few things, stating that your husband wouldn’t see tomorrow

As though in a trance, you were led into Mirai’s room

The dim light showed you his missing arm, the bandages, the oxygen mask, and the hundreds of shiny tubes protruding from his stomach

You let your palms rest on the rails of the bed, looking down at his handsome, pale face, wishing he’d open his eyes and say something

And he did

Your sweet perfume wafted to his nostrils, rousing him from his near sleep

He opened his golden eyes, black pupils watching as you fell to your knees next to his bed, succumbing to quiet sobs

“Y/n…” He rasped

Your head shot up and your (e/c) irises fixated on his ghostly features

“Mirai… You… You dumbass.” You cried, “I told you this would h-happen. I told you I told you I t-told you over a-and over again… I-I knew it. But every time I warned you, you just waved me off. Why? Why do you do this to me?”

“Darling,” Your husband, one hand feebly reaching toward you, “I know. You were right all along.”

“I’m pregnant!” You sniffed, angrily wiping your eyes, “N-Now you’ll never see the baby and I’ll be all alone.”

“You are? That’s… I’m so happy…” He smiled.

The hand came to rest on your stomach

“You’ll be… a good mother. Don’t worry…”

“Mirai… please don’t leave me here.” You whimpered, “I c-can’t do this without you!”

“Yes you can. Trust me.”

His eyes began to close and the hand that warmed your abdomen slipped back onto the bed

“Keep smiling. You have such a beautiful one, the whole world stops. You know that? I couldn’t ask for a better wife to put up with all of my antics.”

“Mirai…”

“Smile for me… one… last… time…

*smiles*

end

LOOK. AT. THOSE. GODLY. SHOULDERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Mirio Togata

SFW

Whew

Mmk gimme a sec to wipe my eyes

Let’s begin

Mirio Togata is the sun

He is your ray of sunshine in the morning, and you are his ray of moonlight in the darkness

He feels SO FUCKING GUILTY for letting Eri go…

That’s all he thinks about

Runs his giant hands though his golden locks, blue eyes fixated on the floor, laying rigidly in his bed, overthinking and wishing he’d made a better choice

You’ll find him like this often, curled up under the covers and talking down to himself

“You wanna save a million people? You can’t even save one little girl! You’re nothing but a-”

“Mirio?”

*comes back to reality*

“Yeah, babe?”

“You… you’ve seemed kinda down lately and I-”

“Nope! I’m fine Y/n! Don’t worry about me!”

He smiled at you, but it wasn’t his real one

You walk to the bed and sit down next to him, pulling on his big shoulders until his head was lying snugly in your lap

His legs stretched out and he sighed contentedly

You smelled good

“I know you can’t tell me much, but I… I… you never act like this and I’m really worried. Just… let me know if you need to talk, ok?”

Mirio sat up and pulled you into his arms and soon you were straddling his lap, looking up into his sweet blue eyes, your hands resting on his cheeks

He kissed the inside of your wrists, loving the way you would timidly look to the side and back into his

“I will.” He murmurs, “But, can you stay with me tonight? The bed’s cold without you…”

“Of course, Mirio.” You reply, a shy smile and slight blush creeping onto your face

You two had a nice night of cuddling

He really appreciates that you’re there for him, and getting him out of his thoughts, he’s so lucky to have you supporting him

You’re so in love with the guy, it’s not a problem

When more information started coming in and the heroes started forming a plan, you’d find him pacing around his room, nails digging into his scalp as he mumbles to himself

You never expected him to crack under pressure like this

You were afraid for him

He’d been under pressure before, though you’d never seen him crack like this

You’d been staying with him every night, making him food, studying with him, cuddling, kissing, massaging him, everything you could think of to lift his spirits, but it never lasted long

One morning, he isn’t in his bed and you get worried, but go to school knowing it had something to do with his work-study

Later that day, you get summoned to a college hospital where your boyfriend was being held

Did something happen to him?

Was he critically injured?

Did he die?

Would you get there in time to kiss him goodbye?

Was everyone else ok?

You buried your face in your hands as you waited in the lobby to see him

Then you noticed Aizawa walking towards you so you ran to him and started questioning him rapidly, tears pricking your eyes already

He lay a hand on your shoulder to silence you

“Come with me,” He said softly, “Mirio has been waiting for you.”

“B-But did something happen to him? Is he ok?” You asked, following the slouching man into an elevator

“He did get stabbed in his side and his calf, but it won’t leave lasting damage. Unfortunately, something else happened, but I think he’d prefer to tell you himself.” Aizawa sighed, pushing some hair out of his face

“Are… Are you ok Mr. Aizawa?”

“I got 10 staples. Nothing to worry about.”

A few minutes later, you walked into your boyfriend’s hospital room to find him sitting on the edge of his bed and staring out the window

“M-Mirio?” You said, closing the door behind you

He turned, gingerly lifting his leg over the bed

Then he held his arms out to you

You lurched forward into his arms, and upon feeling the solid, protective warmth of his chest and arms, you started crying

Mirio pulled you into his lap, cradling your shaking form and trying to comfort you

“Don’t cry babe… Everything’s fine! You’re ok, sssh…”

When you manage to stop crying, Mirio helps you sit up in his lap and prepares to tell you the bad news

Rubs your back soothingly, kisses the stray tears away, and says, “Baby, uh… I lost my quirk.”

…

“Excuse me?”

“One of the bad guys shot me up with something, and now I can’t use my quirk. At all.” He bowed his head

“Wh… But… you… what about Lemillion? S-Save a million people, right?”

“I’ll have to take a break from UA for awhile… so I… we won’t be together as much.”

“Yes, we have to! Don’t say you wanna break up, because I refuse! I need you! I can’t live without-”

“Woah, woah, honey! I never said that! Never!”

He gripped you in a tight hug and you hugged him right back, gripping the back of his shirt and burying your face in his broad chest.

“I was just letting you know… that’s all! We can make this work!”

“O-Ok, you scared me a little.”

“Sorry.”

NSFW

Who said you need a quirk to have sex?

Not Mirio Togata

Despite not having a quirk, he knows how to make you feel good

He’s been home and you’ve been at school and you miss him a lot so one day you decide to head over to his house after school

Before you could even raise your fist to knock, you were abruptly grabbed and pulled into the house and into someone’s arms

Knocked the wind out of you

When you regain your breath, you lose it again because he brought you immediately into a heated kiss

Mirio has been thinking about you… in more ways than one

I’m seeing multiple kinks

Has missed your smiles, your laugh, your tender kisses and your warm hugs, but besides that, it had been almost a whole month of no sexy time beneath the sheets

Now’s his chance

Mirio WILL NOT leave you dissatisfied

He got a big dick and he knows how to use it

When he’s thus sexually frustrated, he’ll probably take you from behind, but hold up your torso so he can mark your neck

“Oooh~”

“Does it feel good, darling?” He’ll ask when he first bottoms out inside you, grasping your sides

“Y-Yes… ohmygod MIRIO!”

“So beautiful when I fuck you, you know that? Such a pretty face…”

It’s safe to say, he loves you

Your shoulders are a different color by morning

And even without a quirk, he’s the same loving and kind boyfriend

NO CRYING!! BBY STAHP

Izuku Midoriya

SFW

Things you need to know

Izuku is a cinnamon roll

Izuku is the sweetest buffest piece of broccoli to exist

HAVE YOU SEEN HIS GODLY SHOULDERS

I tried to draw him yesterday, but he ended up looking like a carrot

Izuku loves you with all his heart

Izuku gives amazing hugs

Izuku will blush if you touch him

It is inevitable

During that sad arc, boi is sad

He’s always in his head, thinking about his mistake of letting Eri go, using one for all, All Might, avoiding Kaccan, All Might, how absolutely stunning you look in that uniform, and how lucky he is to have you supporting him

If you notice he’s feeling down, you take him upstairs, you discreetly cuddle on the couch, take him to McDonald’s, kiss his freckles, and do anything to get his mind off sad things

EXTRA CUDDLES

HE TAKES YOUR HOODIES

YOU SLEEP TOGETHER IN HIS ALL MIGHT MERCH INFESTED ROOM

Possible sleeping positions: Either he is or you are the big spoon, facing each other, him laying on your stomach, he rolls over in the middle of the night and accidentally crushes you under him, or you cuddled under his armpit with an arm on your back

SMALL MIGHT WILL HAVE BAD DREAMS

You need to wake him up and comfort him immediately!!

If you don’t, this is what will happen:

I, author-san will punch you

AND

You are a horrible person

AND

Babey Izukuwu will wake up by himself, crying, whimpering, scared, and doubting thoughts plaguing his mind

Anyway

You notice his zoning out at the dinner table, smiling at his fish again

That night, you enter his room and before you know what happened, you’re wrapped up under the covers with a green-haired sweetheart holding you tight

His hair is fun to touch

His freckles are fun to kiss

So are his cute lil lips

You kiss all of his scars bc he’s kinda insecure about them

He blushes A LOT

Automatically goes on a rant about why exactly he loves you

“You’re so smart and kind and beautiful, and your eyes are so pretty and your voice takes my breath away. I love you so much, I can’t say it enough.”

Continues for the next half an hour until he either runs out of breath, he falls asleep, you fall asleep, or you kiss him to make him shut up

Loves you unconditionally

Remember that

NSFW

I don’t know what yall are doing when you say Midoriya has a tiny dick

Where tf did that come from?

I’m seeing AT LEAST an 8 to 8.5-inch thing, pale in color, that’s nice and wide with thicc flushed veins going up to the tip

Come @ me

Also, like Tamaki, Izuku isn’t a fucking pushover

In recent episodes & chapters, BOI HAS GUTS TO TALK BACK TO KACCHAN

So brave, yet so naive

Will dom you, but if you wanna ride him, he’s down

He will fuck you over a counter, against the wall, in the kitchen, behind the school, in the closet, etc

When he’s horny, he doesn’t like to be mean or overbearing, he will gently make it known to you by instigating a heated kiss and being VERY touchy; rubbing your sides, squeezing your ass, lifting one of your legs onto his hip so lil Izuku can get some friction, threading his fingers through your hair, etc

So after weeks and weeks of no… activity, horniness takes over and the next night, he’s on you, marking your collarbones and making you scream his name

Into a pillow

He doesn’t want to get caught or make anyone uncomfortable

He’s cute like that

“Mmh, harder Izuku~ Harder!”

“So… tight~ Haah, Y/n!”

Knows how to please his precious girl, especially since she was so supportive during the last few weeks

Plus he has a special notebook just for you

“You like it when I touch you there baby?”

“Y-Yes, god yes~ More!”

“More? Haven’t you had enough? So greedy…”

“Nyagh~ D-Don’t stop! It feels so good Izuku…”

When all is said and done, he’ll treat you like a queen until you drift off, held safely against his chest

He feels a special responsibility and a need to protect you since you were important to him and people could use his love for you against him

Always remember, he loves you unconditionally, no matter how kinky you are

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tonio-dawson · 4 years

Text

A little help

Antonio Dawson x Reader

Word count: 1,522

You ran out from the hospital after receiving a phone call from Voight. Once you arrived at 21st, Trudy was ready to buzz you up, “Locker room.” was all she said with a concerned look.

You went upstairs where everyone was still there, some of them are packing up but expecting you. “Did somebody die?” you asked.

Jay looked at you and nodded.

Voight stood at his door and asked you to come to his office. Out of many times you’ve been called to pick up Antonio, you were never once invited to Voight’s office. Something must have happened.

“Y/N, sorry to call you in. It’s different today. This case, the particulars were too close to Eva’s case. She was Latina. Same MOs, she was taken near her home, to the van, the building where she was held was also similar, but the difference is.... we’re too late. She died on the way to the hospital.” said Voight, you clenched your jaw hearing it.

“Antonio’s a great detective, Y/N. It was a long day for us, but he kept it together, his guts and thinking were always on point, we caught the guy 2 hours ago.” Voight turned and looked at you, troubled, “But after we put this guy in cuffs, Antonio’s just.. shut off. Didn’t speak a word. Went straight to the locker room and locked the door. This has never happened before. Usually...”

“Usually he’s just sitting at his desk buried himself to work refusing to go home until I come to pick him up.” you finished Voight’s sentence.

He nodded, “My point is- he needs help, Y/N. Really needs it. I’m scared that we’ll lose him altogether if this keeps up.” Voight looked deeply into you.

“I have tried before, but I’ll try differently,” you let out a huge sigh, while thinking how you’re going to persuade him this time. Many people, including yourself, have been suggesting Antonio to get a proper help but he always refused them. Saying it hasn’t interrupted his daily life.

Antonio has been struggling after Eva was taken a year ago. You were one of the doctors who treat Eva and that’s how you met him, he was in a bad place that time. But slowly, he got better at managing it. He could really use your company, but you knew he was never get to the bottom of it, not without a professional help.

After hard cases, usually the ones reminded him of his children, he shuts himself down. Not even a word to his colleagues, not even to Voight. Somehow, only you can get through to him. Although not much, Antonio could open up to you and his dependency organically led to you seeing each other.

He could handle himself at work, his distress had never interfere his work which is why Voight has never pushed him to seek therapy. Until this day.

You walked out Voight’s office towards the locker room, while Antonio’s team looked at you with worry.

“Hey, anything he needs. We’re here to help.” said Jay. “Yeah you got us, Y/N.” added Kevin. You smiled at them, “Thanks guys, he’ll get through this one.”

You knocked on the door, “Antonio, it’s me.” he let you in but quickly sat down on the floor with head down buried to his knees. You joined to sit down besides him and rubbed his back.

“Hey, baby. Look at me.” he looked to you, his eyes filled with tears.

Once he saw your face, he immediately hugged you and breaks down, “She was only 17. She could’ve been Eva...” he started to sob.

“I know, I’m very sorry to hear that. But she’s not Eva.” you hugged him tightly.

As Antonio started to calm down, you pulled away from the hug, “Take a day off tomorrow, please? Spend it with me.” you asked him.

“No, it’s fine. I need work to distract myself.” he replied.

“That’s the thing, you need to stop distracting yourself and address this.” you said. After a long debate, you finally convinced him to talk to Voight and take a day off.

At home, you cooked him his favorite dish knowing that’s the only thing he’d eat. Antonio was awfully quiet until you break the silence, “Do you want to call Eva? Just see what she’s up to.” he nodded.

You dialed her number and gave the phone to Antonio, “Hi baby, how are you doing?” his voice cracked you can see him holding his tears real hard.

“Yes, everything is okay.”

“Just a really hard case.”

“You’re enjoying college? That’s great to hear.”

“Eva, I love you so much.”

He hang up and looked to you, “She sounds good. She is studying with her roommate at the dorm.” he finally cracked a smile.

“There you are. You look charming when you smile.” you teased him. He just let out a small chuckle. You can just see how much he loves his children and hearing them doing well is the cure he needed.

After dinner, you snuggled by his side on the couch watching TV. “Y/N, can you hold me?” he suddenly asked. You changed your position, leaning back to the sofa, your small body can only take his torso and you let his head rest on your chest.

You kissed his head, you can see that he’s still hurt from the case but still he does not want to talk about it. You wrapped both of your arm around his body and he kissed your arm, staring at the TV mindlessly.

“Do you want to get breakfast tomorrow at Terry’s?” you asked him.

He just nodded not really wanting to argue this time.

The next morning, at Terry’s, when you both walking in, he saw familiar figure and immediately smiled.

“Hi baby girl, what are you doing here? No classes?” he pulled Eva into a hug.

“Hey Dad. Y/N invited me. Classes only starts at 2pm.” she smiled at you while Antonio looked at you with a confused look. You knew that if you ask him beforehand to invite Eva down to the city, he’d refused, so you decided to go behind his back.

Breakfast was great. Antonio is another mood when he’s around his children. He’s a great dad but he often cut himself short. Eva is all grown up now, she’s smart and hard-willed just like her dad. Your relationship with her grow even after her regular hospital visit stopped. She loves you because Antonio seems to be more grounded with you around. Although you know sometimes she’s using you to get what she wants from Antonio.

“Dad, there’s something that I want to ask you.” said Eva.

“Uh-oh, what is it this time? Don’t tell me you want me to buy you a car, cause that’s not happening.” he replied.

“No,” she chuckled, “Dad, I think you need to get real help.”

There’s a long pause before Antonio replied, “Did Y/N put you up for this?” he looked at you raising suspicion, you quickly shook your head. “Come on baby, I’m better than that. And that is besides the point.” you said. While in fact, you have been asking Eva to talk to her dad, she agreed, but just never really found the chance yet. With regular family day, there’s always Diego and Gabby around. They never found time for a daughter-father quality time. But this time, you can’t wait anymore.

“Dad, I’m 19 now. I am a woman of my own now. But then, Y/N is a professional doctor and she thinks so too. Uncle Hank who is your sergeant, a man who can advise you in professional capacity also said the same. Not to mention aunt Gabby and several of your friends. I’m no professional but I’m your daughter so that counts for something, no?” Eva explained slowly but very eloquent. You knew that reaching out to her is a great move.

Antonio paused again. His eyes grew soft looking at his daughter.

“There’s nothing wrong in receiving a little help, Antonio.” you took his hand, “It does not make you less of a cop, or less of a dad.” you looked at Eva.

“I’ll think about it.” he finally spoke.

“Last year, I got help, and you encouraged me, remember? Why can’t I do the same- because I’m young and you’re fully grown adult?” now Eva’s tone grew sternly. You did not expect that and Antonio certainly did not too.

Antonio read her daughter eyes filled with worry for her dad, “Okay, what do you want?” he sighed, he knows Eva won’t stop until he said something that satisfies her.

“Call Dr. Charles today.” she said.

“Alright, okay, fine. I will get a help. Darling, would you set it up?” he looked up to you this time.

“Consider it done.” you replied, you looked at Eva and she grinned.

“I love you, dad.” she hugged him. Antonio looked at you with a you-did-this look, but you don’t really care. You know he’d be thanking you one day, he just doesn’t know it yet.

#chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #antonio dawson #antonio dawson imagine #antonio dawson x reader

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flyinghome-againstthewind · 4 years

Text

the best by far is you: chapter 10

Read on AO3

Previous Chapter

For all the things my hands have held The best by far is you - Cecilia and the satellite

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Summary: An exploration of Claire & Jamie’s story if their firstborn had lived and they had the chance to be parents together of wee Faith Fraser before the Battle of Culloden.

A very special thank you to Michaela for providing a perfect moodboard!

Chapter 10

“Mama?”

Her eyes drifted open from sleep by the sound of Faith’s voice, soft and baby-like. Claire grunted tiredly, but nevertheless drank in the sight of the baby girl sitting up in bed by her pillow. “What are you doing here?” She asked. A smile bloomed on Claire’s face as she took in the sleep-tousled curls and Faith’s flushed cheeks, one marked with a deep red line from where she’d slept on it.

Faith didn’t answer her question ‒ Claire didn’t expect her to ‒ but she did respond with a soft smile of her own, slow and languid. Claire rolled from her side to her back as Faith leaned forward and gathered the girl up on top of her chest. Her head rested just above Claire’s nightgown, her cheek pillowed against her mother’s skin. She yawned then and seemed to melt into her on the exhale, her eyes drifting shut.

“This is your spot, isn’t it?” Claire turned to kiss the girl’s forehead. “Since the day you were born.” How many times had they laid like this, and felt all was right with the world in that moment? Too numerous to count.

Faith’s fingers curled around the edge of Claire’s nightgown and she looked up to catch Claire’s gaze. “Hello, lovey,” she murmured. Her fingers gently teased Faith’s wild curls away from her face.

“‘llo, Mama,” Faith echoed and then hummed as Claire continued to play with her hair, never breaking eye contact, though her eyes crinkled with joy.

My whole heart.

“Faith, I lov‒”

Her breath came in a stuttering gasp, eyes flying open in the dark. She reached over and found only the edge of her hospital bed.

She was alone.

Her body curled in on itself while she clutched a pillow to her chest and smothered her sobs there.

The weight of her grief settled in around her as the last vestiges of her dream fell away, and her new reality became starkly clear.

She was alone in 1948 ‒ a time in which everyone she loved was undoubtedly dead. And without Jamie, Faith, and Fergus… without Murtagh and the Murrays… with only dreams and memories to haunt her, she wished she could curl up and die right there in that bed.

She wanted it ‒ wanted death to come swift and easy, to bring her at once to whatever came next, where Jamie promised he would be waiting for her. Where he would find her.

But there was no impulse to act on this wish and in some rational corner of her mind still functioning, she knew there was only one thing standing in her way, keeping her tethered to this world.

The baby.

Part of all that would be left of Jamie. Of their life together.

But even while she would live for the baby, she couldn’t think of it growing inside her without the sharp twist of a knife in her gut.

Her arm muscles ached from the hour she had carried Faith. Had that only just happened that morning? Her mind felt foggy from the drug-induced sleep but her body wouldn’t let her forget. One hour after eight months apart and then…

She clutched the pillow tighter, and the howl that tore from her throat didn’t even sound human.

One hour after eight months apart and then never again would she hold Faith in her arms.

Only in her dreams…

On her second day in the hospital, Frank arrived. Seeing his face again was jarring, both in how it grounded her in this time, and made her blood run cold at its uncanny resemblance to another face that still haunted her.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Frank said in a tight whisper. He reached for her hand and eased himself carefully into the seat at her bedside. She was dumbstruck at seeing him and could hardly manage to look him in the eye, but when she did, there was no anger or hurt staring back at her. Only his love, his broken heart over the missing years, and his widespread relief to find her once more ‒ though these feelings were likely to change when she told him the truth.

“I’m pregnant.” The words slipped out into the space between them and Claire studied his face, watching for any hint of the quiet anger she knew he could possess. Better to rip the bandaid off than try to hide her condition.

“I know,” he said softly. “I spoke with your doctors.” His gaze dropped to where he still held her hand and he squeezed it gently, collecting himself. He was rattled by the news, she could see, even as he tried to present a calm front. “Darling, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but I’m here now. We’ll get through this.”

His meaning snapped into place with stunning clarity and Claire’s breath left her in a rush. “I‒ I wasn’t attacked or… or held captive.” Her hand withdrew from his grasp and settled protectively over her still-flat stomach. “This baby isn’t‒”

“It’s alright. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he cut in quickly to quiet her and gave her a stiff smile. But she saw the flash of doubt in his eyes all the same. He didn’t believe her. “We don’t have to talk about the particulars just now. None of that matters, anyhow. I won’t leave you.”

She recognized the old habit in him of skirting around the uncomfortable ‒ and this was certainly uncomfortable ‒ but his assumption sat like molten hot lead in her stomach and her face suddenly felt flushed.

“Really, I’m sorry to have upset you, Claire,” he said quickly before she could broach any sort of explanation. “God, I’m just so relieved to see you.” He cleared his throat, glassy-eyed. “I’ve been in contact with Reverend Wakefield. He was thrilled to hear about you and he’s prepared some rooms for us to stay there while you convalesce.”

She let the matter of her pregnancy go for now. It would take hours to tell him the truth of it, and even then he might find her to be insane by the end. And the mention of Reverend Wakefield lit a spark in her ‒ he had a library’s worth of resources and also‒

“Is Mrs. Graham still in his employ?”

“Mrs. Graham?” Frank looked mildly perplexed. “I didn’t ask, but I would assume so...”

He could see the change in her right away ‒ like a light had gone out from within. She kept to herself that first week, spoke only in an exchange of pleasantries. Even though she was there ‒ she was actually physically there with him after three years ‒ she seemed a different person entirely.

At first, Frank thought it must be the shock of returning, but as the days passed at the Wakefield residence and Claire remained distant, it seemed whatever she experienced while she was gone had altered her forever.

Beyond the mention of her pregnancy, he had no notion of where she’d been or what had happened to her, but a picture was beginning to build in his mind’s eye. She hadn’t been physically harmed, according to her doctors, but she had been malnourished, perhaps from neglect. And someone had gotten his wife with child. Frank breathed in sharply. He thought that bit of news would sink in, but a knot was still in his stomach. With signs pointing towards her mistreatment, he couldn’t imagine that Claire had run off with someone, that she would’ve chosen to leave him, but…

But there had been that moment when he told her he knew about the baby. Something in her eyes had flashed before him and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had encountered the very edges of a mother’s protective fury for her child. It had stunned him and truthfully unnerved him a little. Not that she would already care for the little thing ‒ they had both longed for a child for years ‒ but that he should be the one on the outside. If she’d been attacked… what would cause her to want to shield the baby from him? He’d already assured her that he would stand by her, but somehow that statement felt like it had done more damage with Claire.

Frank turned toward the windows in Reverend Wakefield’s study and watched for a moment as Claire sat out in the garden, her head bent over a book.

The Battle of Culloden. Somehow that had become an obsession of hers since her return and he couldn’t make sense of it if he tried.

…What the hell had happened to her?

Claire registered Mrs. Graham’s presence as the afternoon tea was brought out to her, but she didn’t look up from the pages of her book to greet her. As the kindly housekeeper set a cup of tea on the table, Mrs. Graham suddenly broke the silence.

“Och, lass, you’ll only create nightmares for yourself poring over those accounts.”

Claire finally met her gaze and swallowed thickly. “There might be clues in here, or even an account of the two of them if I’m lucky. I’d rather know what happened to them. It’s not knowing that keeps me up at night.”

Mrs. Graham smiled pityingly at her. “Aye…”

“There were wanted posters for him put up all over England and Scotland during the rising, you know. Not just for him ‒ all famous traitors to the crown who were involved in the rising ‒ but… he’s the only one I can’t seem to find any mention of after Culloden. If the British cared enough to make him a traitor, to… to vilify him as they did, you’d think they would’ve looked for him. You’d think someone would’ve bothered to write that down. It’s not like ‘Butcher Cumberland’ to let grievances go.”

Mrs. Graham took a seat next to Claire. “Ye told me that ye didn’t think Faith traveled at all‒”

“I mean, I don’t know for sure and I’ve never traveled with someone before, but… I can’t describe it, but there was a moment in the in-between and I was alone. I don’t think she traveled at all, but I can’t even know that for sure.”

“Still,” Mrs. Graham patted her hand. “Ye would ken better than I. And if she didn’t travel, then she was with Jamie. Maybe the two of them got away safely.”

“I want that to be what happened,” she rasped, her eyes burning with tears. “God, I want them to have survived it. But I begged him to run with us and he wouldn’t. He said he was doomed to die one way or another and he wouldn’t risk us. I know he would give his life to protect her. I know he would do everything to keep her safe. But these men?” She waved the book in her hands ‒ an account of Cumberland and his troops in The Rising and immediately afterwards. “Pages and pages of how they slaughtered the Jacobites and destroyed the Highland way of life. I don’t need to read every account to know what little disregard they would have for my daughter’s life if she and Jamie encountered them.”

Hot tears were spilling down her face, and when Mrs. Graham sniffled softly beside her, she found the older woman softly crying as well. “I canna imagine what it’s like for ye. But I worry that this is consuming ye, my dear. And what’ll that do to the bairn ye’re carrying?”

Claire swallowed roughly and her tear-clouded vision dropped to the book in her lap. How could she not be consumed by this?

“You have children, don’t you, Mrs. Graham?” Her voice wobbled as she asked the question.

“Och, aye,” Mrs. Graham replied awkwardly. “My husband and I had three bairns together.”

“And if you lost one… if you were separated from one and you had no idea what became of them, could you just put that to bed? Would it be enough for you to love the next child as though you’d never known the first?”

Her words were spoken softly but they had a scalding effect and Mrs. Graham drew in a deep breath. “No,” she said at last. “No, I dinna think I could let it go.”

“I know they’re both long dead by now. I know. But I need to know if they were killed that day or shortly after or if… if Faith was able to grow up… if Jamie lived and was able to raise her.” Claire’s arm folded tightly across her chest, holding herself together. “I didn’t… didn’t tell her goodbye,” she admitted in a hoarse whisper and Mrs. Graham made a soft sound at that. Her hand suddenly brushed back Claire’s curls in the first display of motherly tenderness Claire could recall receiving from someone in a long time. “I… I only told her it would be alright. Those were my last words to her. Even when we left her at Lallybroch, I… Jamie said his goodbye to her but I never thought I’d lose her forever. I heard him promise her that he would make sure we were reunited someday and…” She shrugged one shoulder helplessly. “It was Jamie so I believed him. I told her…” Her chin quivered before her face disappeared behind her hands. “I told her it was only goodbye for now, not forever. I lied to her. I left her.”

Since she’d arrived here, she’d kept her crying confined to her room at night, but here with Mrs. Graham, her resolve crumbled and a sob broke free.

“Oh, my dear.” Claire was pulled rather gently by the shoulders and gathered against Mrs. Graham, who stroked her hair and murmured softly.

“I’m her mother and I never said goodbye or told her again how much I loved her,” she cried. “The least I can do is find out what happened to her and‒ and make sure she isn’t forgotten. Maybe in some way, she’ll know. That I looked for her and that I loved her.”

“My poor dear,” Mrs. Graham murmured above her, seemingly at a loss for what else to say. Claire held her arms tight about her, the only physical comfort she’d known in days.

“I know it’s hard now and I don’t pretend to know what ye’ve been through.” She gave Claire a small, fortifying squeeze. “But in time… I’m glad ye’ll have this bairn. It doesn’t mean ye won’t miss them, but ye won’t be alone. And ye’ll have a piece of them with ye. This new bairn won’t be exactly like yer Faith, nor will he or she replace her in yer heart, but ye’ll notice things about yer second born ‒ how she’s different from Faith, how she’s alike ‒ and that will keep Faith alive, too. Hold onto that, aye? When the days are hard, hold onto that.”

“I don’t know what to do,” she admitted in a choked whisper, and felt Mrs. Graham stiffen.

“What do ye mean, dear?”

She pulled away slightly, still sniffling, and Mrs. Graham held her hand, as if knowing she still needed a soothing touch. “I can’t‒” Claire shook her head slightly. “I can’t move on from them. I can’t stop looking until I know. But…” she breathed in deep and exhaled shakily. “I‒ I haven’t figured out what comes after that. I can’t think about the baby just yet. I wish…God, I wish everything else would just hold until I knew. That time would just hold for me.”

Mrs. Graham smiled sadly and patted her hand, seeming to digest her words. “Ye don’t have to figure anything out just yet,” she said at last.

“Thank you,” Claire murmured. “For everything.”

“Reverend?”

Reggie Wakefield looked up from his letter to find Claire Randall before him with a small stack of his own books clutched to her chest. He made a sound of startled joy at the sight of her and motioned for her to join him at the table. “I haven’t seen anyone so interested in my collection in such a long time, Mrs. Randall. Does my heart good to see ye enjoying them.”

In truth, he had spoken with Frank at length about her curious obsession, but as odd as it was, he wouldn’t dream of voicing any of those concerns to such a kindly and elusive woman as Claire Randall.

“Have ye found everything ye needed, then?”

“Actually, I…” She stopped herself suddenly and smiled politely at him, hesitant. “Well, first, thank you for being so kind to allow me to go through your collection. I did wonder if you had any other books that perhaps I hadn’t looked at yet.”

“Well…” He scratched at his jaw absentmindedly as he thought about it. “I believe I gave ye every book on the subject of the Battle of Culloden and its aftermath. The rest would focus on the earlier risings and what preceded the ‘45, ye ken.”

“I see,” she said softly, sounding very sad to him.

“But I’ll have another look, just to be sure. Perhaps I missed one or two books that could be of use to ye.”

“Thank you,” she breathed, full of relief, and a stunning smile followed shortly. She was an odd sort since she’d returned, but it was plain to see that she was hurting and even if he didn’t understand it, Reggie felt inclined to help the poor young woman however he could. There were rumors ‒ nasty rumors ‒ flying about town since she turned up last week, including scandalous speculation around her condition. He’d done what he could to put those to bed, to address his opinion on the matter by opening his home to the Randalls. And while he hadn’t a single clue as to her whereabouts for three years, the more time he spent with Mrs. Randall, the more indignant he grew over the gossip that swirled around her. It was all so uncalled for.

He was so caught up in this reflection that he didn’t register what Mrs. Randall had said to him. “Sorry, my dear. What did you say?”

Oddly, her face flushed and she looked as though she might not repeat it. But she surprised him by blurting out, “Did the British kill any children after Culloden?”

His brows reached his hairline and he struggled to answer.

“I know they showed little mercy to those who fought on the Jacobite side,” she added quickly. “But I’m wondering if there’s anything about how they would’ve treated family members of known Jacobites… like perhaps their children?”

He drew in a slow breath and prepared his answer, but his gaze caught hers at the last moment, and he saw something there that stopped him in his tracks: a deep pain and desperate hope mingled together. “Why don’t I help you look into this, hmm? We can work on this together.”

She seemed taken aback by this offer at first, but smiled again. “Thank you, Reverend. That’s very kind of you.” She looked down, her fingers tracing the corner of one of the books. “Can I… can I actually ask for your help in trying to find someone who lived during that time?”

“Oh, of course, of course,” he chuckled. That was something he could do for her.

“I’ve been trying to find some record of her. Her name is‒ was…” She hesitated for a moment, needing to collect herself. Something about her reaction had his hairs standing on end. “Her name was Faith Fraser. She may have been called Faith Murray, if... well, I don’t know for sure if they would’ve raised her. Or…” She straightened suddenly. “Or if she married… I wouldn’t know her name at all.” She seemed to sink under the weight of this realization and Reggie took pity on her.

“We’ll start with what you know,” he added kindly, patting her hand. “Even a marriage record should have her maiden name.”

“Yes,” Claire said rather distantly. “Yes, good.”

“Do you know whenabouts she would’ve been born?” He prodded gently, trying to engage her as a distant look had crossed her face since the mention of marriage. She drew in a deep breath and began to answer him.

“May 12, 1744. She was born in Paris but her family moved back to Scotland before the end of the year. She lived on the family’s estate called Broch Turach for a time, though it was sometimes referred to as Lallybroch.”

“Yes, I know the one‒”

“Ownership of Lallybroch was changed over to her cousin, James Murray, dated in 1745, but his parents would’ve managed it until he came of age. That’s Ian and Janet Murray,” she rattled off easily. “The Murrays also‒” She swallowed roughly, struggling to get the rest of it out. “If her father died or was taken away, I believe the Murrays would’ve raised Faith. Her father was James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser and he was a known Jacobite...” She glanced out the window suddenly, focusing on the trio of birds flitting about a nearby tree. “He didn’t fight in Culloden, but he would’ve been near there at the time of the battle and I’d… well, I’d like to find out about both of them, you see, but James Fraser is quite a common name then and I’ve been struggling in my research to find him. I’m hoping if we can find Faith… we can find Jamie, too.” Mrs. Randall looked back suddenly to catch his curious gaze. “Is that enough to start?”

“Oh. Oh, yes, my dear. That should do,” he said swiftly. “Tell me,” he began cautiously, measuring his next words. “Why are we looking into Faith Fraser? Who is she to you?”

A strange expression crossed her face, making the well-intentioned Reverend regret his mere curiosity.

“Who is she to me?” She echoed his question in a hoarse whisper. “She’s everything.” Her eyes were glistening with tears and he couldn’t begin to explain how odd this whole conversation was. “So I need everything that you can find about her and Jamie. Please.”

“Aye, Mrs. Randall. I’ll do my best.” He smiled weakly to ease the tension but she never caught his eye.

Frank thought that with time, the Claire he once knew would return to him, even in just small glimmers. But days passed and she remained committed to the routine she’d developed here early on; she kept to herself, taking breakfast in her own room, and when she did appear in the sitting room or garden or the study, it was always still with those damn books.

She pored over them constantly and prowled the bookshelves for titles she may have missed. She avoided conversations at meals, her eyes downcast at her plate, though the Reverend carried on cheerfully with him at every supper as if none of this was strange.

Claire had taken Mrs. Graham into her confidence early on, sequestering the housekeeper into Claire’s room for hours that first day they arrived. Since then, she was the only person Claire really talked to.

Until recently, at least.

Somehow, Frank was on the outside from his own wife while Reverend Wakefield and Mrs. Graham ‒ two people who had been strangers to Claire a few years ago ‒ were brought into her circle of trust.

Worst of all, the Reverend wouldn’t discuss with him what it was that he was working on with Claire, skirting his questions and assuring him it was only a little history project, not unlike their own when Frank had first visited him.

She wouldn’t even talk to him outside of pleasantries when they saw each other, and he was torn between wanting to wait for her to initiate, and wanting to look beyond this time at the Wakefield house and live their lives again.

Because whatever the hell was happening here, it wasn’t really living.

“Claire?” He rapped lightly on her door and waited for a response. “It’s Frank.”

After supper, he’d had a dram with Reggie, which had turned into two drams and then three, and now his head swirled a little even as he rested his forehead against the door jam.

This was the antithesis of Reggie’s advice ‒ give her time, man, it hasn’t even been two weeks ‒ but his feet seemed to lead him to her door of their own volition.

When he heard Claire’s soft “come in?”, his heart leapt to his throat and he hesitated. He wasn’t even sure what he meant to say to her; he only knew he wanted her to tell him something.

He pushed in and found her in one of the two chairs by the fireplace in her room, and she was tucking loose sheets of paper into a book and setting it aside. For some reason, the fact that she was still studying up on Culloden into the night made him inexplicably annoyed.

She looked up at him curiously, no doubt wondering why he was here.

Why was he here?

He had composed this conversation so many times in his head over the last several days, wanting to initiate it more with each passing day… needing to know but also wanting to be delicate with this new Claire, as everyone had been telling him. And then there was some small part of him that didn’t want to know at all.

But the whisky had loosened his tongue and he found himself blurting out the words without much tact to them at all. “Where the hell have you been, Claire?”

She felt her stomach drop at his question ‒ though really, she shouldn’t have been surprised. At some point, she would need to tell him, but the very thought of telling him the truth sent her heart rate skyrocketing. Mrs. Graham had been someone Claire could trust, but to almost anyone else, she knew her story sounded insane. If she hadn’t lived it herself, she might not have believed it to be true.

“I’m sorry,” Frank said quickly when she froze, waving his arm a little too wildly. So he was tipsy, then… “I‒ I don’t want to pressure you to talk if you’re not ready. I‒”

“Have a seat, Frank.”

He shuffled over to the chair opposite her and sat with folded hands in front of his face, elbows propped on his knees. “I really didn’t mean to… the truth is, Claire, I don’t care where you were or what happened. I’m just so relieved to have you back. But… I feel like there’s this wall between us now and I just want you back. I want our life back.”

She breathed in slowly and dropped her gaze, a little ashamed that her own desire didn’t echo his. Maybe it would be better if he knew, even if he judged her. Even if he didn’t believe her. At least then there would be nothing to hide and she could accept whatever his feelings were once the truth was out in the open

“I’ll tell you,” she said softly. “I’ll tell you everything but please let me tell it all at once and have it over with before you ask any questions.”

She slid her gaze back to his and found his expression to be unreadable, but he swallowed roughly and agreed.

She talked for hours, pausing every now and then to drink so her throat wouldn’t dry out, and when she finished, the sky outside her room was streaked with the first soft pink lines of daybreak.

She had stuttered over the last moments of her time in 1746… of her goodbye with Jamie and waking up alone without Faith.

While she talked, Frank kept his promise and only listened, sometimes in the chair with his gaze on the fire, which he tended to all through the night, and other times he paced the short length of her bedroom. He was pacing at the time that she finished her story and a heavy silence fell between them like the drop of a curtain.

Having said the words out loud again for the second time, Claire suddenly wished she could be alone, feeling the grief tsunami on the periphery, about to sweep through her again. God, she ached for them in a way she didn’t know was possible.

But Frank was still in the room with her, quiet in a way that meant he was still sifting through his thoughts. At last, he scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed.

“So that’s what you’ve been doing with your history books and Reverend Wakefield… You’ve been looking for him.”

“And for Faith. For both of them, yes.”

“What happens if you find a record of them?”

“Then I’ll… I’ll know what happened to them.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes,” she said hotly. “I just want to know what happened to them.”

“You won’t try to go back?”

Oh.

She breathed in sharply. “I hadn’t thought about it,” she lied, feeling the color rise to her cheeks. The whole point of this had been to tell him the truth. “I don’t know if I can travel again,” she added, which was the honest truth. “It’s… it’s hard to describe. But it feels like it takes something from you each time and the screaming‒”

“Screaming?” Frank looked curious now, his interest in this unknown finally piqued.

But the remembrance of it had a shiver running through Claire. “I can hear the voices of those who haven’t made it through and were lost to the stones.” Even with all that they’d talked about overnight, that statement might have been the strangest thing she’d uttered yet.

His expression turned equal parts horrified and fascinated and then faded all together with a short nod of his head. “Hmm,” was all he had to say to that. He strode over to his chair and seated himself across from her. She got the distinct impression that he was entertained by the idea but wouldn’t put any stock in what she had just described.

“And what if… you don’t find any record of them?” He asked carefully.

“Are you asking that because you don’t believe any of this or because‒”

“Claire, I’m asking…” He cut her off and then took a deep breath, choosing his next words. “I’m asking because someone needs to. You spend every waking moment with your head bent over one of these books or writing your notes or discussing with the Reverend where to look next. How long will you keep going if nothing turns up? How long will you make me wait before we can actually start our life together again?” He had started off cool and collected, but had turned frantic with his pleading by the end. “I just got you back,” he added. “Have you any idea what it’s been like for me, Claire? Having you ripped away without a trace and never knowing what happened to you? And all the while, everyone was telling me that you’d up and run off with another man!”

Stunned by his outburst, it took her a moment to speak. “I’m sorry, Frank. Truly. I didn’t intend for it to happen and I wish there was some way I could’ve told you I was alright while I was gone. That I was safe.”

“But you didn’t wish to come back to me,” he said bitterly. It was petty, even for Frank, but neither of them had slept yet, she reminded herself.

“I had a child.” She was patient but unapologetic in pointing that out. Frank wouldn’t meet her eye. “I had a whole family with Jamie. And Jamie was‒”

The love of my life.

She swallowed back those words. There were other ways to phrase it, especially considering her audience. “I loved him very much. I didn’t plan for it and I’m sorry for the ways this has hurt you, Frank, but I can’t change what happened.”

“But you are here now, Claire, and you’re with me.” He finally met her gaze again. “And I’m grateful for that. For a second chance. I only worry for you with how… how consumed you are with this.”

“Well, at what point did you stop looking for me, Frank? What’s the magical number of days before it’s acceptable to move on?”

He recoiled as if she’d slapped him in the face, and she felt a small pang of regret for those words. Somehow, he still possessed the ability to provoke something juvenile in the way she responded to him, and she hated that. “I never‒ Claire, that was different, and I never stopped hoping you would return! But I did have to go back to work at some point, and in your case… Christ, you never talk about the baby but it will be here in a matter of months so perhaps we should start.”

The mention of the baby struck a nerve that lately everyone had been poking and prodding ‒ as if this baby existed on its own. As if it wasn’t made by her and Jamie on a cold February night, seeking warmth and solace in each other. And for Claire, any thought of the baby came with thoughts of her first baby. They couldn’t exist separately in her mind. “Until you know what it’s like to bring a child into this world and have her quite literally ripped from your arms, you don’t get to tell me when to stop looking. Faith is this baby’s sister and that doesn’t go away when the baby is born.”

To his credit, Frank looked properly chastised by her words. “Claire,” he began softly and then took her hand gently between his own. “I only mean to say that you might never find them, and I worry what that will do to you if you keep at this pace of searching. And what will you do when the baby is here? Drag him along to the library with you?”

“I’m not sure that’s any of your concern,” she snapped.

His hold on her hand tightened. “Not any of my concern,” he scoffed quietly. “No, why would that concern me? You’re only my wife.”

She leaned back from him, pulling her hand free with her, but was startled to see tears in his eyes accompanying the bite of his voice.

“Do you even believe me about any of this?”

“Does it matter if I do?” He countered. “You’re back with me now and‒”

“Yes, and pregnant with Jamie’s child.”

“I know. But he isn’t here with you, is he?” If he was intending to hurt her, his words hit their mark. “And besides, I… Look, I know this child isn’t mine, but I want to raise it with you.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” He was more adamant than she expected. “I’ve had a lot of time to think since you’ve come back and that’s all I want for us now ‒ to raise a family together.”

She tried to picture it, this life he was so insistent that he wanted with her. How would Frank handle a baby? How would he handle teething and sleepless nights and‒

Instead, what flooded her mind were the images and memories of her life before: Jamie taking turns with her on the rough nights with Faith. Carrying her in the crook of one elbow as he strolled about the grounds of Lallybroch with Ian. Telling her stories at night, during the long winter months and well before she could even comprehend what he was saying. She was enraptured with his voice, though. Claire remembered that so clearly, how Faith would stare up at him while he talked, studying his face with keen interest and cooing softly every now and then. Jamie would pause at every sound she made and smile, making up some interpretation of her noises to add Faith’s opinion of the story. Och, aye, ye’re right. Wasna verra nice, was it?

She fell more in love with Jamie, seeing him as a father ‒ a role he was born for and something so integral to who he was at his core.

Could she… have that with Frank? Could she just raise a child with him, all the while being haunted by the memories of Jamie and Faith at every turn? Would Frank even love a child that wasn’t his, after years of insisting he couldn’t?

To her horror, tears spilled down her cheeks and she wiped at them furiously. “I think it’s too soon to have this conversation. I’m‒ I’m sorry.”

He let out a resigned sigh, as if he expected this, and stood. “Get some rest. We’ll talk more about this another time.” He made for the door and paused, giving her one more look back. “And Claire?” She met his gaze, hoping the fresh wave of grief wasn’t too plainly obvious on her face. “At some point ‒ and soon ‒ you have to start living again.”

The sound of the door shutting behind him echoed hollowly through the room, and his last words to her hung in the stale air.

Her hand found its way to her belly, which felt slightly curved now under her palm. For weeks, she’d been living with the knowledge of this baby’s existence but hadn’t allowed herself to think beyond what would happen when it was born ‒ not in the way that she had when she carried Faith and couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like to hold her child.

She hadn’t had a thought like that once yet with this baby and the guilt wormed its way in amongst the myriad of emotions she was drowning in.

“I do love you,” she found herself whispering. “And I promise I will take care of you.” She felt a little silly, talking to the baby… but who else could she share her thoughts with? “It feels like my heart is missing, and I just need a little more time to get used to that. And we have that, don’t we? Despite what everyone wants to tell me, I understand time better than most. When you arrive, I’ll be ready for you. And I’ll love you enough for me and Jamie both.”

#outlander #jamie x claire #faith fraser #outlander fic #OL fic #my fic #tbbfiy #the best by far is you

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

Text

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend.

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go.

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~ *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E V E R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe.

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what”

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too...

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink...

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

ASDFGHJKL

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much.

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will.

b l o o d s m i l e

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel.

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

t h a t ‘s l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~

i l o v e y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

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seovienrose · 4 years

Text

♡ mingyu oneshot | death bed ♡

t/w: mention of death.

a/n: best listened with death bed by powfu. i cried while writing this so be prepared with tissues! word count: 1237.

You met him first when he brought his little sister to the park. You both were lovely and young at age 12. His name was Mingyu. You were on the swings looking at him. He did take a few peeks at you and got shy.

The following year, Mingyu asked you out. You figured both of you were really meant to be. There were never sour days with him. Mingyu was so full of patience opposite to your temper.

At 16, Mingyu always dropped by to your house with the excuses of studying and doing homeworks but all he wanted to do was just lay down next to you on your bed.

Mingyu was weak in Social Science subjects so he always referred to your notes and listened to your lectures. But he ended up sleeping on your bed.

That one time when you felt cramps after studying for too long, you would just join Mingyu on the bed and wrapped both of you in the sheets. You lulled a song as you played with his hair. Mingyu had always adored and found his opportunity to keep sleeping around you just to hear you sing for him.

At 18, during the midterm break instead of going out with your friends, both of you will just hang out at each others’ houses. Mingyu’s house was just a few blocks away from yours.

Mind that your parents had reprimanded to not cross the limits of physical affection and set a curfew at midnight moreso knowing Mingyu and you were still young and intensely in love with each other.

Your clueless parents will be enraged if they know Mingyu and you had already slept naked together. But that’s the secret of you and him hoping neither of you will speak.

That one summer night when you heard your mother knocking your door because she had suspicions that Mingyu came not much informed. You panicked but Mingyu sat still. He didn’t think much and just hid underneath your bed. You opened the door with your messy hair whilst rubbing your eyes.

“What’s the matter, mommy?”

“Is Mingyu here?”

You pretended to be surprised, “Oh? If he’s here I would tell you. But really mom, Mingyu went out to the town today.”

Your mother trusted your lies and went back to her room. Your luck has it that your room kind of connected to the kitchen. You scanned the living room and called Mingyu. Both of you were tiptoeing to the kitchen. You helped go through the kitchen’s door and Mingyu tried to slide down without making any noises. His long torso kinda stuck the bushes and he wriggled around making clear lines. You just laughed and he walked as he waved away.

“Good night, Mingyu!”

At 20, Mingyu got himself an apartment studio that his father bought. He lived there as he refused after living in dorms for 2 years trapped in the hell of no hygienity and smelly men.

He asked you to moved in and you agree. Somehow, both Mingyu and you were practically married.

Every Sunday, Mingyu woke you up and made breakfast in bed for you. Then you will go to the church together. In Monday, you’ll go watch movies and shop groceries with him. Since both of you share the same interest in cooking, the kitchen is never filled with silence.

Don't stay awake for too long

Don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

At 23, end of June. Mingyu sat by the edge of your bed. Those eyebags of him really bugged the hell out of you. He was restless.

You have been diagnosed of stage 4 brain cancer. Even with medications, the doctor in-charge of you had specifically told that you would only survive until the end of December.

“Babe,” you called Mingyu who was texting his mother, “you haven’t sleep yet.”

Mingyu, looking really dreadful just smiled at you, “I’m okay. Don’t force me to sleep.”

You held his thigh, “Don’t leave me. Don’t sleep, then.”

Mingyu giggled.

“I want to make you a coffee so you’ll accompany me all day long.”

Mingyu helped you made a coffee as he took a 2-in-1 sachet from his backpack. You stirred the powder in the cup of hot water. He drank it and later your mother came telling Mingyu to go home. He said goodbye.

You don’t want to be selfish. Mingyu needs his sleep.

I been thinking of our future cause I'll never see those days

Mingyu stood across the bed table and was cutting fruits with a sharp knife. He grabbed a piece of apple and fed you gently.

“Mingyu, how many kids do you want?”

Mingyu was perplexed by the question but his hand was feeding you grapes still.

“I don’t know..”

“How many boys and how many girls?”

You looked eager that made Mingyu felt upset. He remained tactical.

You munched the grapes and pondered around.

“I want 3 girls.”

Mingyu smiled, “Why baby?”

“Daughters will look like their daddy, darling! Imagine three mini Mingyu?”

Mingyu laughed, “I want a son who looks like you then. A son is enough for me.”

“Tch. The way you said really made me flutter. Red card, Mingyu.”

Mingyu kissed your nose and the two of you chuckled together.

I been praying for forgiveness, you been praying for my health

After a peaceful sleep, your eyes were blinded by the sunbeam that hit right your face. You saw the man you loved so dearly was keeping his hands tight and omitting words from his mouth.

Mingyu was praying for you. He wished God will go easy for you because he couldn’t bear losing you. He prayed you’ll be healthy again. He sobbed as he covered his eyes with his palms, that sight sent some excruciating pain carved inside your heart.

“Babe, I am sorry.” you held out your hand reaching out to him.

When I leave this earth, hoping you'll find someone else

Mingyu was storytelling a tale to you and you listened like a little kid. Mingyu really loved the sight of you looking so obedient of him. He thinks he has the control. But your action seems to speak otherwise.

“Mingyu, will you promise me something?”

“What promise?”

Mingyu inched himself closer and rubbed your arms. You smiled, weak. He knows.

“Promise me that you’ll-“ your voice cracked, “you’ll find someone to replace me.”

Mingyu frowned.

“You deserve to be happy.”

Mingyu remained quiet.

You grabbed his hand and kissed it softly.

“Please be happy for me.”

“Shut it, you won’t die! You’ll recover soon.”

Mingyu took his jacket and went out of the room. He went to the toilet, plopped down against the wall and cried again.

I hope I go to heaven, so I see you once again

At 23, the middle of December. You had the last breath because the machine failed to support you any longer. With your hand holding Mingyu’s hand so tight. You closed your eyes for the very last time. Mingyu was bawling his heart out having his family to calm him from any unexpected outrage.

You knew that 10 years of him loving you will make it so difficult for him to cope with your loss. With that last hope you wish to see Mingyu again next time in heaven.

#mingyu angst #mingyu fluff #mingyu #kim mingyu #seventeen #svt #mingyu scenario #mingyu imagine #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #seventeen scenarios #svt scenario #mingyu smut #mingyu oneshot #hotdadmingyu #seovienrose

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insidetheacademy · 4 years

Text

Fight or Flight

pairings: Tom Holland x Reader

summary: Tom cheated on Reader :-( (based on Conan Gray’s Fight or Flight)

warnings: cheater!tom, miscarriage, ANGST a WHOLE LOT OF ANGST, explicit language

Something's gotten into you

You don't really look at me the way you used to

And I'm hoping it ain't true

Every single rumor that I've heard of you say

“...leave a message after the beep.” you sighed and ended the call. it’s almost 1am, where could Tom be? you thought to yourself. he has been coming home late lately and even if he did came home early, he would be gone before you wake up. you were worried, this isnt like Tom at all.

he hasn’t looked into your eyes the same way. his kisses isnt passionate anymore. making love was long gone after you two got in a big fight about him going out with a girl.

“who is she, Tommy?” you whined desperately trying to know about the girl he has been hanging out with lately, “she’s just a friend!” he exclaimed but you don’t quite believe it. you grabbed the magazine that has an image of him and the girl that says “Everything You Need to Know about Tom Holland’s New Lady” the inked paper was wrinkled due to you clenching it in your hands on your way back home,

you showed him the image, “why were you holding her hands?!” “Christ! it was nothing, y/n! get off my case!” he shoved you and grabbed his coat before he walked out. you were on the floor sobbing, “what have I done?”

you flinched at the memory. you just wanted to know who the girl is but you guessed you came off as possessive.

You were off with someone that I don't know

Calling other people on your telephone

Kinda wish I didn't know

Bzzz...

“Hello?” Tom picked up the phone and greet the person on call. you were sitting on your dining table with your nose stuck to a laptop screen. “I’ll be right over there, darling!” he says with a smile and ended the call. “where are you going?” you looked up from your laptop screen and asked him curiously

He placed his phone down next to you and kissed your forehead, “‘m gonna get ready to meet a friend, love,” you nodded and went to your shared bedroom. His phone dinged and you glanced over it thinking that it was your phone but your eye caught something that you werent meant to see,

“Can’t wait to meet you, Tommy. love you xx”

it was from a girl named Faye? who is she? before you got to say anything Tom walked out and grabbed his phone. “I’m going now and don’t wait up on me.” he exited the apartment that you both had called home.

You tell me it ain't what it seems

But baby, this is looking like a crime scene, there's

Clothes thrown on the balcony

And you smell like perfume out a magazine

you thought it was all in your head but what happened this evening had proved you wrong. you had arrived home from work, feeling exhausted you went straight to the bedroom and you noticed an unfamiliar article of clothing on the balcony. you walked to the balcony and picked it up, this isn’t yours? it was a magenta panties that has lace around it.

“oh, you’re back,” Tom spoke from behind you, you turned around still holding the fabric “whose is this?” he shrugged pretending not to know. you walked to him and his cologne doesn’t smell like its usual smell in fact it smells like something from Victoria Secret. you had never bought this particular scent, though but you just know it wasn’t yours.

Well, fight or flight

I'd rather die

Than have to cry in front of you

Fight or flight

I'd rather lie

Than tell you, I'm in love with you

My eyes are welling up, as you admit there's someone new

It's my move

Fight or flight

“have you been cheating on me?”

the question swam through Tom’s ears, he folded his arms together and chuckled “that’s ridiculous, why would you think that?” “because, Tom, this isn’t mine and you have been acting so different lately,” you choked. you were trying your best to not cry in front of him. truth be told, you would rather die than show him that he’s your weakness.

“so what if I have, y/n? we don’t even have sex anymore!” Tom flails his arms around, “so Faye was just some quick fuck for you?” “No! She was there for me when you weren’t! You pushed me away all the fucking time and I was sick of it!” he shouted proudly. you were shocked. Tom cheated on you just because of that? “I had a reason, Tom! did you forgot when I had just MISCARRIAGE our child? I wasn’t in the right mind, Tom!” you shoot back.

you remember the memory of it so fondly. you were on your second trimester. you were so excited to start a family with him. he held your hand through it all when the doctor shared the news,

“I’m sorry Ms y/l/n, Mr Holland, I’m afraid Ms y/l/n had suffered a miscarriage.”

it was like a nightmare. one moment you had the whole world in your hands and the next the whole world had just crumbled. you sobbed silently into Tom’s shoulder as he held your hand tightly, “I’ll always be here for you.” he kissed your forehead.

“but you didn’t have to push me away!” Tom said with hurt in his eyes, “you’re right, Tom, I shouldn’t have but that doesn’t give you any rights to cheat on me!” tears were now falling on your cheeks. the room fell silent as you sobbed to your hands. you took a deep breath and looked right into Tom’s eyes, “do you love her?” you cupped his right cheek, “...yes.” he whispered.

suddenly, the faucet in your eyes were now wide open. you hold in your sobs and said “okay.” you kissed his cheeks and took out your luggage. you packed your essential needs while tears are still forming on your eyes. “where will you go?” Tom asked softly, “somewhere where I won’t bother you with Faye,” you zipped the luggage and faced him.

you kissed him for one last time trying to spark the fireworks that you had felt when you kissed him the first time and the next few thousand times but it didnt work. no sparks. nothing at all. “goodbye, Tom. i love you.” you left him in the bedroom that was once yours and him.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

a/n: thank you for reading! lemme know what you think of this,,,

#marvel cinematic universe #mcu #peter parker #peter parker angst #peter parker x reader #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland angst #cheater!tom #tom holland fanfic

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nicka-nell · 4 years

Text

I'm Kiyoomi Sakusa and I'm a germaphobe - Chapter 33: When everything breaks, I believe in you.

Words: 1.624 Warning: angst, manga spoiler

Chapter 32 - A new heart beats | Masterlist

(y/n) = your name | (l/n) = last name | (e/c) = eye colour | (h/c) = hair colour

Kiyoomi had written to them that he was not coming to the training and what happened to (y/n). They look at him with fear and embrace their sad friend. “We’re here for you. Okay?” Atsumu calls to him and puts his hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, we’re here for you, no matter what happens.” Bokuto adds and sits down next to Kiyoomi in a chair. “Stop now! Everything will be fine!” cries Hinata, who does not want to see what has just happened. Osamu is the only one who says nothing. Because he feels most connected to Kiyoomi and (y/n). For him, the situation is not as difficult as for Kiyoomi, but he loves (y/n) too. He doesn’t want to see her die. And that Kaede of all people is operating on her... That must be terrible for him. He has the life of his sister and niece in his hands. Quietly he sits down on a chair and looks sadly over to Kiyoomi. Carefully he grabs his hand and presses it firmly. “Listen, Kiyoomi, we both know how strong (y/n) is, she’s gonna be fine, we just have to believe in her.” Osamu says with a serious voice and feels the pressure on his hand, which is created by Kiyoomis handshake. “Yes...” he whispers quietly, and again his tears flow. It takes several hours for Kaede to come out of the operating room and see Kiyoomi and his friends. He takes off his face mask and walks up to the people. “Kiyoomi? Look at me...” Keade orders him and waits for Kiyoomis sad red eyes to look at him. With a groaning sound he squats and looks up at Kiyoomi. “(y/n) is doing fine. She made it. It looked worse than it is. She will wake up in a few hours, and if all goes well, she will be out in a few days.” The relief is seen in his face and sobbing he takes Kaede in his arms. “Thank you! Thank you Kaede!” Kaede returns his embrace and paints circular movements on Kiyoomis back with his hand. “I promised you I would save her.” he whispered quietly. “But... what... what about our baby? What about our daughter?” asks Kiyoomi who now interrupts the embrace and looks critically at Kaede. “Kiyoomi... please relax a bit. She is all right too. That shot didn’t hurt her. We will, however, keep an eye on both in the next few days. But like I said, she’ll be able to go home with you in a few days. Promise me you’ll go home now, get some rest and come back. You need to rest.” He would rather stay here, waiting for (y/n) to wake up and stay with her. But he knows it would be unreasonable. So he nods a little absent-minded and leaves the hospital with his friends. “Shall we go with you home? I mean... This was not easy for you.” asks Hinata, who is worried about his friend. “No... I’d like to be alone with Osamu and then go home. Thank you all for being here...” he answers Hinata and looks into the circle. Nodding, his friends hug him and say goodbye to him, with the remark that he should call whenever he needs someone to talk or distract. “Why did you want to be alone with me?” Osamu asks him and picks up Kiyoomi, who is already heading for his house. “I know... that (y/n) is very important to you. That you love her. I appreciate that, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for her and for us. If (y/n) gets out of the hospital... And if we can finally hold our daughter in our arms... Do you want to be her godfather? I know you’ll love her as much as Kaede loves her. You’re one of the few people we’d both want to give our little sunshine to without hesitation. Because we trust you and we know that she’s in good hands with you if anything happens to us.” His voice is serious and so is his look. Osamu looks at him with big eyes. “Her godfather? Really? That... I’d be honored, Kiyoomi. I’d like to be her godfather.” In his words, his eyes begin to become glassy, and he has to refrain from crying. “You idiot...! Let’s go to my store together and drink to (y/n), your little princess and me as her godfather.” He sobs and hugs Kiyoomi. “Okay... okay! It's all right now. Let go of me.” Kiyoomi sighs and follows Osamu to his shop. While Osamu pours himself and Kiyoomi sake, his gaze remains on his friend. “Hey listen Kiyoomi... If you want, you can stay here. I can imagine that it’s not easy for you to be in that house by having your shared memories.” Kiyoomi nods and looks over to him. “Thank you. I may really come back to that.” Together they drink some sake, eat some Onigiris and talk about (y/n) until both fall asleep tired in Osamus apartment. - When Kiyoomi goes back to the hospital and enters (y/n)’s room, she is talking to Kaede. She seems to have just woken up because Kaede told her about everything that happened. Relief draws her face as he tells her that her baby is also fine. But one more time her eyes shine as she sees Kiyoomi enter the room. With a pack of Miya Onigiris, a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a few clothes, he stands in the room door and warmly smiles at his wife. “I knew you’d make it, (y/n). Because I believe in you.” Are the first words that leave his mouth as he approaches (y/n) and Kaede and puts the flowers, food and clothes on the table next to (y/n). Carefully he takes her in his arms and gives her a long loving kiss. But the kiss becomes salty after only a few seconds, because Kiyoomi cannot hold back his tears again. “Kiyoomi... You don't have to cry. Everything is all right.” (y/n) tries to calm him down. “It’s not all good. I believed in you, but I was worried too. I should have protected you... No, I should have protected both of you. Instead, all I could do was just call a doctor and hold you in my arms. I should have been there for you.” he sobs. “Kiyoomi... please don't be like that. What else could you have done? You’re also here for me now. And Kaede said that all the hours I was in the operating room, you were there and you believed in me. You couldn’t have supported me better. You couldn’t have supported us better. You did a great job, Kiyoomi. Now look at me the way you’d look at me otherwise. You look like a pile of misery.” She grins at him. “I see that you are slowly coming back to your wonderfully loving nature.” Kiyoomi now also grins sarcastically. - Kiyoomi visits (y/n) in the next three days at any time he has the right to visit. He brings her flowers, something to eat from Osamus shop, reads books to her and talks to her belly where their little girl is in. He’s glad he didn’t lose her. Because he couldn’t bear to lose her. He loves her, and he always will. Because she’s his wife. Today she is to be released and full of anticipation but also afraid Kiyoomi is standing in front of the hospital. He looks around to see if there really is no one with a gun in the crowd. But all people are unsuspected. Still slightly exhausted, but with a happy smile, (y/n) steps out of the hospital together with Kaede, whose shift is also coming to an end. He lovingly embraces his wife and encloses her cheeks with his hands. “I love you, my princess. Let’s go home and be finally together.” His voice is still slightly sad, as he would have wanted to prevent all this. But (y/n)’s smile makes him stop thinking about his failure. “Let’s go home, darling.” She whispers softly and gives him a gentle kiss on the lips. “You know I’m still here, right?” interrupts Kaede them and looks at them sulking. Laughing, (y/n) beats her hand on Kaedes back and smiles. “Yes, my savior, we know that, of course you’re coming with us.” Arriving at home, Kiyoomi goes directly to their bedroom with (y/n) and makes her lie down again, as she should take care of herself. Anxiously he lays down beside her and holds her hand in his. “I love you, (y/n). Please promise me you’ll always stay with me. I was very afraid of losing you. Losing our baby... I don’t want to see you like this again.” His words are accompanied by his pain, and he notices how his eyes become glassy again. “Kiyoomi... everything is alright. Really. We are with you and we will always be with you, my beloved. Don't forget that. I love you too Kiyoomi.” Gently she gives him a kiss and takes him firmly into her arms. With her hand, which has just stroked his back, she walks through his curly hair and smiles at him. “I’ll always be at your side, Kiyoomi.” she whispers, and this time it is Kiyoomi who pulls her to himself and distributes several loving kisses on her cheek, hands and stomach.

Chapter 34 - From nightmare to dream and picture book (END)

Taglist: @kara-grayson04 @suna-allie @pleasemelafook-outta-ere

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youarejesting · 5 years

Text

Femme: 43

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang, Erik Nam

Rating: Mature

Length: 3.5k

Warnings: Birth, Death, Smut (pretty lame tho), Cute scenes and sad scenes.

Announcement: I am back with a vengeance it’s time to write this bad boy.

Recap: A night out with Seokjin in your Dream car (kombi van) you relax in the tub together. Starting your day with a Taejin Sandwich. Jungkook confesses he is scared to see you in pain and wants to be by your side through it all. He reveals his latest project team shirts. Yoongi helps induce you again and you head to the hospital where you give birth to Jeon Jeongsan. Kyungju and Jeongsan grow up little by little together and shenanigans ensue. Sickness falls on you and your immune system is under attack due to the unfamiliar viruses of the future. It is revealed you are also pregnant. Spontaneously going into labour from a single kiss from Yoongi you are petrified that it is too early and the baby won’t make it. You are informed not only that you are full-term but you are carrying twins which seems almost unbelievable with how you don’t look nine months at all let alone nine months with twins.

The shock that ran through Taehyung’s body was overpowering. The idea that you or the babies could die due to your low immunity and the vulnerability from the stress of pregnancy and giving birth. He didn’t want to be the one who got you or his babies killed. He didn’t even like that word and cried in the waiting room blaming himself.

The boys sat with Taehyung comforting him whenever he started to get lost in his thoughts. “You are thinking too much about it all. Y/N is really tough, she can do this” They said and they heard a shrill cry from the room, it was healthy and made their heads turn and smiles appear on their faces. “Congratulations, You are a Dad!” they all slapped him on the back and another cry a few minutes later joined the first and they slapped his back once more.

They waited but the doctor didn’t come out and the nurses didn’t call them in to see their new babies or beautiful wife. It seemed like time ticked by so slowly and finally, a nurse emerged and said the babies were very healthy and were taken to the nursery already.

“Your wife is recovering. It seems that this has put her body under a lot of stress. It would be best if you only have a short visit and then head home for the night. She will be feeling better after a long rest.”

“What about the babies, what if they get hungry?” “Do not worry the babies won’t starve, e we will bring them to her when they are hungry and help her” “You can follow me to her ward. She should be sleeping” the nurse turned leading the way and the boys jumped into action following.

The boys walked in to see their exhausted wife feeding the babies with the help of another nurse. “She is a strong girl, isn’t she?” Jungkook started to cry, “he truly hated seeing you less than one hundred percent. He knew this must have been painful and tiring and he couldn’t fix it.

Seeing the boys you seemed to light up tires eyes sparkling. “Taehyungie, we have a baby boy and a baby girl” “A girl really?” They all smiled getting a little closer. “What’s her name jagi?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know any of their names I am too tired to think” you hummed “hey papa bear come see you baby bear cubs” The nurse chorused ‘cute’ at your nicknames and watched this handsome young man walk over to your bedside.

He looked down at the two bundles. “They look like you” he beamed “It is my features but super pretty which I think they get from you, my face isn’t that symmetrical she also looks like she might take after you more than he will”

You had taken quite a long time to find the right names for your two little ones. Though they were full-term they had come earlier than you had expected. This meant you hadn’t had any names prepared. You were given your vaccinations and brainstorming in the shower. You had 60 days to think of names that fit their personalities. You finally settled for your new baby boy Kim Jae Hwan and for your darling angel girl Kim Jae Eun. You told them to the boys and they loved them instantly.

“Actually mama bear, do you mind if I give them an English name each, you are so accommodating to our culture with naming and such but I want to give our cubs English names to represent your culture and home and everything I mean they do look a lot like you.”

“Tae Tae my love they are your babies too, you can give them English names, what were you thinking?” He took a few days to think on it and mumbled a bunch of names while staring at them both. He finally declared one night over dinner.

“Hunter and Edith” (A/N: if you are from a nine English speaking country you can choose a cute H & E name for your cute babies, send your ideas to me so I can appreciate them)

The first few months, the twins refused to sleep unless they were swaddled so tightly they couldn't move their arms and legs. Once you figured that out, you swaddled them whenever they went to sleep. But the problem was, as they grew bigger and stronger, they began to kick apart the tucked-in swaddle and wake themselves and each other up.

You loved how Taehyung was with the twins. You had asked him to get some baby food and snacks for the older boys and some nappies (diapers) you sent him specific instructions and pictures of each product to his phone and to his credit he didn’t miss a single item. However, he bought in mass bulk and bought extra and unnecessary items you had not asked for. This included creams and medicine and the most expensive items were two pairs of Gucci shoes for the babies.

“Jae-Hwan Hwan Hwan where is daddy bibi, where is daddy bibi?” Hoseok grinned playing peek-a-boo with Jae Hwa. The boy was giggling and swinging his arms and legs excitedly.

“Why doesn’t Eunie giggle for me?” Jimin whined. She spotted her father over Jimin’s shoulder pulling faces and she giggled. “Oh my gosh you did it Eunie, do it again for Daddy Jii”

It was sweet how Taehyung kept pulling faces over his shoulder to get his daughter to laugh for Jimin. He pretended to be playing with his phone when Jimin turned. “Did you see that? she was giggling at me”

“You are so good with Eunie” Taehyung leaned forward kissing Jimin softly on the lips and walking away.

“Dasi Hwan, Hwan, Hwan nan meomchul suga eopseo, Tto Eun, Eun, Eun nan eojjeol suga eopseo” Seokjin was singing one of the femme channels songs but replacing the word Run with Hwan and Eun as he dressed the babies for bed.

“Edith baby, You are a heartbreaker” Yuta grinned bouncing your daughter gently in his arms. “Uncle Yuta is going to have to fight all the boys away” “Uncle Mark will die for all of you angels but especially you, Kyungie, you are getting so big how old are you now?”

“I am four uncle Mark” he grinned up at him. “I two unkie mork” Jeongsan grinned, holding his older brother's shirt, his right hand tugging his ear as a form of comfort. Misuk ran passed dragging along WinWin and Lucas.

Yoongi walked out and grinned at his son as they had matching face paint. “Hey little man, Unkie mork and Unkie Wenjun don’t have face paint on yet, you should take them over to get their face painted” The two glared at the music producer. Namjoon ran passed, playfully scaring some of the kids from Kyungju’s Preschool. You brought out an ice cream cake with a number four candle in the top.

“Everyone, it is time for cake!” Taehyung and Jungkook were filming and taking pictures and you grinned Jae Hwan was being held by Namjoon’s father who was busy talking animatedly about finding jobs with Erik.

Inshik sat on the bench watching Jimin chasing kids out of the Jumping castle so they could sing happy birthday to your firstborn son. With everyone singing in chorus it was soon time for your son to blow out the candles before the cake was served. You got lovely photos from the day, Taehyung was a bear and he bared his teeth at the camera holding his two babies. Yoongi and Kyungju were Cats and they got some cute photos together.

Yoongi laughed at Kyungju as he pretended to complain about getting photos yet smiled in them when his dad did. You got a cute one of Jimin falling over in the jumping castle and Namjoon sitting on an abandoned and half-melted piece of cake.

There was a call late in the evening sitting up you put the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” “Hello is this y/n?” “Yes, who is this?” “It’s Moon Hajun?” He took a deep breath “I am sorry to tell you this but my father died earlier this evening, I was just giving you a courtesy call as he won’t be there at work.

“Also he left you the van, we know how much you both enjoyed working their” You swallowed thickly and some of the boys had sat up snapping out of their sleep haze when they saw you crying. “I am so sorry, I-I don’t know what else to say, do you need anything we are always here to help and-”

“He was such a good man!” You broke out in sobs, no longer able to take the call, you thrust your phone to Namjoon who politely spoke to Hajun and thanked him before hanging up.

Jimin couldn’t stand to see you cry, tears matching yours he pulled you into his chest rocking you. Seokjin ended up pulling you both to sit on his lap rocking you Taehyung woke and heard the news and you all mourned together.

“Mummy where are we going?” Kyungju asked, “why do you look sad?” “We are going to Moon haraboji’s funeral” “What’s a foonaral?” Kyungju asked “It’s where we say goodbye to Moon Haraboji”

“Where is he going?” “He is already gone baby, when people get old they pass on and become stars in the sky that watch over us, so though you can’t see him he is up there keeping you safe”

“Can I go up there?” “No baby, it’s not somewhere you can visit” “That’s too far away mummy I don’t want Moon Haraboji to go, I don’t want to say goodbye” “I know baby I know neither do I?”

You drove the van to the park and began setting up with the help of Jungkook and you found a notebook filled with our recipes and a small letter.

If you are reading this I have likely passed, and given you my van. Don’t cry for an old man like myself because I am finally with my family. I thought I was waiting for my children to grow up before I could move on and be at peace but it seems I was wrong It wasn’t my children that needed me, it was you dear. I was supposed to teach you. And I did, but you don’t need me anymore. You have grown into a bright young woman, you have children of your own and there is one thing left. I can teach you the final recipe that I never taught you. Never stop learning there is more to learn even if I am no longer there.

You turned the page and read the title smiling through your tears. ‘Turkish delight Ice Cream’. You washed your face and hands and got to work unable to let yourself cry, you finished and tasted it. Surprised when you had been successful.

There was a knock on the Van window and you opened it, it was too early for customers. “Hey, Erik what’s going on?” You smiled “I was wondering if I could give you a resumè?” “Of Course Erik I am actually hiring, what do you say I show you the ropes today?”

He beamed and you brought him to the back and started from the beginning exactly how Inshik had taught you. You were excited to pass on the knowledge and lessons you had learnt from the man you considered part of your own family.

Hajun said he didn’t want his father's work to die so he bought a shop and he would cover all expenses. The shop was across the road from Jimin’s bakery. When it was all done up you took all the good parts of the van and decorated the shop. It was like an American style milk bar from the ’50s.

There was the giant spoon from the top of the van on the back wall and everything was a lovely shade of pink. You were able to do so much more work and be able to keep more flavours at once. “Hey Erik, you ready to learn how to make ice cream?”

“You are going to learn how to make vanilla ice cream, it’s the original flavour. If you can’t perfect the vanilla then you can’t expect your other more complex flavours to be good. Vanilla is so simple but so easy to get wrong. But good vanilla ice cream will turn a good experience into a great experience.”

You let him try the last batch of your former boss’s vanilla ice cream and he hummed “that’s really nice” “Yup so let’s begin”

Teaching Erik was hard but you soon realised the truth in Inshik’s words. Only in teaching did you learn some valuable lessons. there is more to learn even if I am no longer there.

Jimin walked over greeting you with a hug, you hurried your nose against him enjoying his fresh bread smell. He and Jungkook helped you pack up and clean the floor and everything. While you interviewed some applicants you wanted to expand the staff but by how many, if you covered running the shop and teaching Erik. Then there was the kitchen which served chips, burgers and pancakes not your shop's speciality but something on the side.

You were open seven days and there was a morning shift, a lunch shift and an afternoon shift. So at least six people would be perfect. Maybe an extra in case someone is sick you were.

Hajun hires a cook, a lovely young man. Kim Hyo-jong, a very quiet guy but he went by the name of Dawn. You accepted the TXT boys. Then you met a very cute girl who worked really hard. Her name was Kim Hyuna. There was another guy named Hoe-taek who went by hui. You wanted to hire Yangyang Chenle and Jisung who put in applications but you knew they were pretty famous and going on tours and that wouldn't work out.

You did, however, manage to get them to do a video interview inside the story one night with Taehyung and Jungkook's camera skills. They danced to their latest song on the jukebox and you grinned giving them different ice cream flavours to try. They loved it, they were shouting ‘free ice cream, free ice cream!’

Needless to say advertising on your account and theirs meant you had a lot of customers.

You had a picture of Inshik on the wall and around it, you put pictures of the TXT boys and your Bangtan family with your channel logo. You had the NCT boys on the wall with their signatures and even TOP who was a famous actor came in and took a picture for the wall signing it. The whole of the BigBang family put individual photos on the wall with their signatures.

Fans loved looking at who had visited the shop.

Jimin came over after work and You both cleaned up waiting for Jungkook to arrive so you could pick up Seokjin together. During cleaning up, Jimin nudged your arm. He had noticed that Hyuna was glancing into the kitchen at Dawn. A song began playing as she mopped the floor and she started dancing and singing, spinning around her uniform skirt bouncing with every excited jump she made.

Jimin bumped your arm again and pointed to Dawn who had gotten lost watching her dance and shook his head getting back to work. Giggling all the way home as you told the others about the growing infatuation between your two employees.

“It’s so cute! I am going to roster them together more often” “I will try to casually ask Dawn” Jimin hugged you kissing your cheek.

Namjoon that night had snuck you away early to the bedroom you laid across the bed giggling as he kissed you the door threw open.

“We see how it is, we get the kids to bed and you too are having fun without us” “The kids are in bed?” “Yes Namjoon, no thanks to you” “Hear that love” Namjoon grabbed your shirt and ripped it open the buttons flying everywhere and you scolded him. “Oops in movies the shirt just opens I didn’t mean to wreck your shirt”

He scrambled to collect all the buttons off the bed and floor when Jimin pulled off his own shirt and crawled on top of you he giggled taking off your bra properly and he squeezed your breasts kissing your neck.

“Oi, I was gone for two minutes. What the hell is this?” Namjoon slapped Jimin's jean-clad ass causing the younger to moan against your skin, hands tightening just on your breasts.

“Ow Jimin that hurts” “That’s because your pregnant love, Hobi and I figured it out last week you have a telltale sign and it’s adorable” he grinned “Really?” “And we are placing bets baby because three weeks ago it was only Hoseok you and myself, while the boys were busy for the week and so we think it’s one of us”

You got up and went to the bathroom to take a test and you started to cry. “I really am pregnant, how the hell do you know before us” “You start to smell sweeter darling like passion fruit” Hoseok smiled

“That’s what that is” Yoongi hummed “it’s nice” “I didn’t know that’s weird” you hummed “But we kept you busy and we made sure to fill this pretty pussy of yours with all we had every night, so we can’t wait to find out who is the dad” they fist-bumped.

“You are all amazing and I love all of you so much” they all crawled into bed. Today Namjoon’s attention and hands were on Seokjin the eldest who was making a lot of noise and you grinned and leaned over him kissing his neck and his sweet moans had you turned on rather quickly.

Hoseok and Yoongi were rather busy. Taehyung and Jimin were doing Rock Paper Scissors on who got to eat you out. Jungkook who was feeling kind of left out jumped the queue and kissed down your back his hands reaching under you to remove your jeans you were hovering over Seok Jin’s head and your hair was tickling his chest.

Your arms almost gave out. Jungkook was laying underneath you pulling you down to sit on his face. Working his golden tongue like it was the only way to save his life. Moaning the two arguing turned.

“Jungkook what the hell, man?” “You shouldn’t leave a lady unattended” Jungkook said, the vibrations of his words against you made you shudder.

“Hey” Hoseok slapped Jungkook's tented bulge. The maknae growled and your grip on the sheets increased. “Don’t talk with your mouthful”

The had discovered that Jungkook like Jimin had a bit of a fetish for pain, nothing extreme but Taehyung and Jimin grinned at the unsuspecting figure laying underneath you.

The two unzipped his pants and he squirmed whining into you. They were being rough and when they finally exposed him they saw the dribble of sticky precum leaking from the head of his cock”

They both took turns taking him into their mouths and took a side each to run their tongues along his length. It was a beautiful dance where everyone took their turns climaxing before switching positions.

It was Jeongsan first day of daycare, he took a little longer to go than Kyungju because he was more sensitive to being away from all of you. He was in his terrible twos which meant he had tantrums because things weren’t right.

He wanted to do things himself but couldn’t and that made it worse. “Time to get dressed JayJay” Seokjin smiled “No daddy Eokie, me do it” Seokjin sighed and handed over the clothes and watched him put the pants on backwards and get tangled in his shirt, he cried having a meltdown because it wasn’t working.

“Let me help you he took off the clothes and helped him put them on and he wiped the boy's tears “your such a good boy Jeongsan” “Everything all good” Namjoon smiled “Cuggel daddy Joo Joo!” “Alright come here for cuggels” he held his arms out and Jeongsan hugged Namjoon cuddling into his chest.

“Daddy Tata have you seen my shoes?” Kyungju called walking past the room into the studio and Taehyung looked down with a smile, “of course, he through the boy over his shoulder and ran down the hall”

Echoes of giggles through the house had everyone smiling and you were all ready for the day. The twins went to daycare early like Kyungju and the boys were the happiest when you decided to switch to bottles because they could feed them. It made it easier with your busy schedule and the daycare to bottle feed them.

Your belly got big pretty quickly and you went to the doctor for a check-up hoping it wasn’t twins. You weren’t ready for that sort of news not after just having twins. Luckily there was only one. You were told there was just a lot of fluid and that you may grow quite big this pregnancy. You found out it was another baby boy and this time the father was…

Femme Media 43

Next chapter is coming soon…

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meteor-cities · 4 years

Text

my all | levi ackerman

so i think i've figured out how to post on mobile but i'm still not totally sure? my mom took my laptop so i'm stuck with the tumblr app which, by the way, sucks for people who write fanfiction (even though it has more elements to it. still sucks.) i still was gonna write regardless :/

CW: death :)

How long had it been? How many weeks had gone by since you watched the people dressed in green capes depart to the wall? How long since you were in the crowds on the side of the street, crying, watching your lover as he threw you what could be potentially the last smile you'd see of his?

This was a more dangerous expedition, you knew. It was supposed to be one of the last ones, yet it was one that even Levi himself couldn't be so confident in.

You recently became a nurse, and this time, your town's team and another's had been asked by the Survey Corps themselves to help. Apparently, there were a lot more casualties, almost the record for them specifically since it was founded.

You begged mentally that Levi wasn't one of them. You stared out of the window of the infirmary, watching the familiar green capes flow in.

Immediately, everything became fast paced. There was a lot of rushing, a lot of getting people admitted and tended to. You didn't have time to ask the doctors for the list because you were being handed countless clipboards of files for people.

Until you heard your name being called.

You looked up, almost dropping the bandages in your hands when you saw the commander. If Erwin was alive, surely Levi would be, too?

"Erwin.."

He made a face, nodding slowly. You handed your partner the bandages, urgently following Erwin to a separate area of the infirmary, one where the more dire cases were.

"I'll leave you to see it for yourself, miss.."

You watched Erwin walk away. Since when did he address you that way?

You sighed, your heart pounding as you opened the curtain.

You froze instantly. The bandages, the countless wires, the tubing. You felt your knees begin to shake.

Levi. Levi was probably the worst of any of them. The worst injuries, the least chance of any of them to survive. But he would survive, right? He would live. He had to. He never lost. Never. Not a single time since you've known him and not as far as he's told you.

You felt your knees hit the ground beside the bed, grabbing his hand. You looked at the bruises, the dried blood on his knuckles, tearing up.

He would live. He had to live. The two of you still had so much left, so much to see and live out. Hell, what about your unborn child? What about the fact that it'd not even been a month since your wedding?

You began to sob, not caring if someone else heard. And unfortunately, that was the case. The hysteria around you seemed to become more shushed. People yelled at each other in whispers, kept their noise to a minimum.

You heard footsteps a while after your sobbing had died down. You knew you should care who it was, but you didn't. You didn't care at all.

"Should I get you some water?"

You looked up at the familiar voice, seeing Hanji, seeing her kind smile, and you almost cried again. Why? Why was she still being so passionate towards you when everything was falling apart?

Regardless, you nodded, standing up weakly. She put her arm around your waist to support you, leaving the medical wing behind the two of you as she took you to an office, sitting you down in the chair behind the desk and opening the curtains.

You ran your fingers over the top of the desk, recognizing the neatness. Of course she would take you to what you considered to be Levi's second home. It was the only place where nobody bothered you or Levi or most of the time, the both of you. You glanced at the picture frames, tearing up slightly as you grabbed the one from your wedding day.

Even Levi in the photo was smiling. Everyone was that day. But this picture was special because at the time, he didn't bother to look at the camera even though you insisted. He was too stubborn to look at anybody but you in the picture that just the two of you were in. And somehow it became your favorite picture.

Hanji handed you a glass of water, insisting you finish the glass before you dared to talk. You sighed, finishing the glass off before setting it down lightly.

"Do you want to know why he's like that?"

You flinched at the idea, grabbing a spare cloth you'd had on you to wipe away the dust that was beginning to accumulate on Levi's things.

"Gosh, the both of you. Stress cleaning all the damn time." You heard her chuckle, and you looked up, giving a glare, causing her to laugh more.

"Tell me what happened."

Hanji sighed, leaning against the window sill. "He saved you."

You raised an eyebrow, confused. "Saved me?"

Hanji nodded, crossing her arms, looking at the picture frames you'd previously straightened out. "A lot of things went horribly wrong when we went out. And he wasn't having it. Not one bit. When we found out you were going to be in a neighboring town, closer to where we were, he almost shut down."

You clicked your tongue. Typical Levi.

She seemed unamused by this, but continued regardless. "One night he insisted on being on watch. He insisted to be the only one as well. A lot of us tried to fight him on it, but he wouldn't have it. That was his first mistake.

We all knew something was off. All of us did. Even the veterans. But eventually, we gave into it. We rested as much as we could. I don't know about the others, but my sleep was very restless. But that's besides the point."

You giggled quietly. Hanji cast you a smile, resisting her own laughter.

"Unfortunately, we were right. This was possibly the worst raid we've dealt with. And Levi was doing it alone. By the time any of us got to him, he was almost completely out of gas, low on blades, and still fighting. That was his next mistake. Luckily, he and Mikasa really do carry on the same traits. She saved him, too. And even when he was about to become completely helpless, he still went after the biggest one, which was coming towards the wall where the town you were in was near."

You nodded slowly, looking down. "And he didn't make it.."

Hanji shook her head. "He ran out as soon as he got to the Titan, and it was too late when he realized it. The reason he's in the condition he is is because he fell really far down after he slammed into the thing."

You pulled your knees up in the chair, staring at the details of the fabric of your pants.

"Before his coma, though, he made sure I promised that I told you that he said he loves you. He wanted that to be the last thing he said if-"

"He's not going to die. I don't care what anybody says," you'd interrupted. "Those aren't his last words."

You got up, leaving the office quickly. You weren't going to lose your husband. Not on your watch.

From then on, you demanded to be reassigned to care for Levi and Levi only. And nobody complained. You spent hours on no sleep to make sure he was still breathing.

One early morning, you fell asleep in the chair next to his bed, the scarf you'd started knitting the week he left in your lap, the knitting needles all but free from your palms.

The hand you felt on your wrist startled you, causing you to sit upright.

You heard a quiet chuckle, then a raspy voice. "Relax, baby, it's just me.."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you tossed your knitting supplies aside, dropping to your knees beside the bed and grabbing Levi's hand. "You asshole.. I was asleep.."

Levi sighed, squeezing your hand gently. "I was afraid I'd slip under before you woke up.."

You shook your head, pressing his palm to your cheek as you began to cry. Levi watched quietly, caressing your cheek with his thumb as much as he could. "I'm so sorry, darling.. I'm so sorry.."

You shook your head, wiping away your tears and pressing your hand to his forehead. You brushed away the hair from his face gently, watching his expression relax when your cool palms touched his temples.

"Levi, please don't do anything like that again.."

Levi gave a weak smile, the fondness in his eyes showing past the pain. "You've not changed.."

You rolled your eyes, leaning down to place a light kiss to his lips. "What did you expect?"

Levi hummed, grabbing your wrist and kissing it gently. "I don't know. Pregnant women are a mystery."

You glared, tempted to smack him but becoming aware of his injuries and clenching your fist instead. "You've not changed either, Levi Ackerman."

He laughed, sounding sleepy. "What did you expect?" he copied, resting his hand on your fist.

"I don't know. Suicidal men are a mystery."

Levi sighed, watching your expression. Even if the two of you constantly picked at each other, he still had a continually growing love for you. He was sure you could say the same for yourself.

"Tell me, my love. How is my baby?"

You smiled at the question, looking down. "Fine.. It's a girl."

Levi's expression softened, reaching out to touch your face. You allowed it, placing your hands on your abdomen, closing your eyes.

"I'm so glad.."

You looked up, watching Levi's eyes become hazy. You gently placed your fingers at the top of his wrist, mentally taking note of his pulse as he was starting to drift.

"Levi.. Please don't..."

"Don't worry.. Don't worry baby.. Just promise me something?"

You teared up, still letting the counting in your head go on as you watched the clock, your own heart rate beginning to pick up.

"Promise me she'll become as beautiful and as perfect as you.."

"Levi you're-"

"Promise me."

You stopped the counting. You saw him still fighting, watching his expression as he forced himself to keep his eyes open from closing indefinitely.

"I will, I swear my life on it.."

Levi smiled, grabbing your hand. "Kiss me again, please.."

You nodded quickly, wiping away your tears as you pressed your lips to his, more tears streaming down your cheeks.

"I love you.. I love you both."

"I love you, too.."

Levi formed a weak smile on his face, his eyes becoming droopy and distant. You shook your head, feeling your body shake.

"I'm going home, now, baby.."

You nodded, cupping his cheeks. "I know.. I know you are.."

"I promise I'll wait for you.."

"I know you will, Levi.."

"Goodnight, angel.. I love you.."

You shook your head more, grabbing his wrist, counting and counting. Another nurse on a night shift came into the enclosed space, pressing her fingers to his neck. "Miss, it's time to say goodbye.."

You whimpered quietly, nodding. "Goodnight, Levi. Sleep well for me, okay? I love you.. I love you so much.."

Levi nodded in his hazy state, reaching out for your hands. You grabbed his quickly, squeezing them gently. You watched his eyes close, watched the nurse as she listened to his pulse, watched his fingers relax between yours and his face become at peace, the pain no longer seeming to bother him. The nurse checked the time, grabbing the clipboard and scribbling down on it neatly. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Ackerman.. Time is 3:45 AM.."

You let out a sob, a sob that you'd never heard come from yourself before. Your life was shattered into millions of miniscule pieces, and it hurt you to try to pick them up. You ignored the fact that people were beginning to swarm in, that people were holding you and trying to calm you down.

I'd give my all to have // just one more night with you..

#aot #attack on titan #levi ackerman #angst #lmao yes i killed him im sorry #please enjoy!

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