#—Mika’s Rambles ✧

[dr3amscap3]

OK HOLD ON MY HONEYBUNCH SUGARPLUM PUMPY-UMPY-UMPKIN, MY SWEETIE-PIE CUPPYCAKE GUMDROP SNOOGUMS-BOOGUMS THE APPLE OF MY FUCKING EYE IS FUCKING HOME !!!

( Ignore how he’s on a bed, I had to open him on the bed cause desk was full )

[mikajunie]

rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

[puddii-ng]

swan lake x valkyrie

[kifflepiffles]

BABES WAKE UP WAKE UP NACHO SAMA IS SPOILING USSSSSS

[puntastic-artist]

Pspspsps

Hey

Any of y'all wanna send me asks about my pirate AU for That's not my neighbor? 👀

Unfortunately I don't have any answers for characters not drawn as I don't have anything planned for them yet (except for Steven) BUT please send me stuff as I'd love to talk about this AU :)

[alighterwithlove]

if you talk to the average conservative voter, they'll always talk about their conservative representative with unabashed enthusiasm. "this guy is supporting my rights!!!!!" even when the representative is very much not supporting their voting constituents' rights in some cases (ie. poor white ppl not realizing they're getting poorer because of their representative)

and I bet that's why conservative candidates are so good at winning. any person listening to their voters only gets a great impression of the candidate.

and if you talk to the average liberal/leftist voter, they all hem and haw. "oh yeah, I voted for them but they're Okay, they're Disappointing. they haven't done this. they haven't done that." and I bet if you fucking pressed them to state some Good Beneficial Legislation they've passed, either the voter 1. can't name any, or 2. has to attach caveats. ("yeah biden passed student loan forgiveness BUT not ALL loans were forgiven")

why aren't we ever excited about incremental progress. why aren't we cheering to the sky about every win. maybe more people would vote if there was genuine excitement, the same type of excitement that conservative voters seem to have about anything labeled "conservative".

I'm just so fucking tired of hearing ppl be like "I'm just disillusioned with my leftist representative" EVERY TIME but are DEAD SILENT on the small victories, the progress. conservatives know how to do this, and that's why they build momentum into the next election. why does this seem impossible for the other side.

[mikaikaika]

As a person who is a big fan of accidental themes and motifs, I think it's really beautiful that in Purgatory 1 qTubbo was part of the blue team - a colour they were strongly associating with Fred someone he cherished deep in his heart but also someone he didn't get to say goodbye or keep his promises of saving them.

Then in Purgatory 2, qTubbo became part of the Gold Goose/Orange team - both of the colours we strongly associate with Sunny yet again someone Tubbo deeply cares about and cherishes but this time he got to say his goodbyes and keep his promises :)

[midwestsad]

“allow yourself to feel bored” “when you get older you’ll enjoy feeling bored or doing nothing” “just sleep it off” good for y’all but being bored is like an icepick being stabbed into my brain

[blazefirefox]

I'm working on actual art stuff but have this for now lmao (part 1/??)

Ships, yippee! specifically some of my favorite rarepairs. I decided I'd rather rip the band-aid off and just reveal some of my silly ships and pray that nobody decides to burn me at the stake

this includes some of my head cannons as well, and if you don't like these don't interact please!

Scaralayla

I think they look really good together, and they certainly have potential (also a fan fiction got me more attached to them than I already was). If you can't read my handwriting for Layla's age, it says 'elves age at a different rate than humans; 4:1 ratio (elves to humans); Layla is physically 22.5 y/o'

Chimiya

Yippee my first rare pair :D. I got into this ship when I learned about their interaction in Inazuma and I've been hooked ever since lol

Farumona

urugghhghghg confident women with twin tails I love themmmm. anyways one is a believer in astrology and star signs and the other has multiple graduate degrees.

Yanzou

YOU KNOW I HAD TO PUT YANZOU HERE. workplace romantics my beloveds. I need more fanfics of them istg

Fremillei

F R E M I L L E I. ugh my blorbos they deserve the world. yeah it's also gonna take them years to confess everyone around them is just waiting for them to be brave enough to ask

Noemika

A cute little pair! Playing through the poetry event made me an even more avid shipper of them (I was invested before the event lol) anyways girl boss & male wife frfr

Ayanilou

AYANILOUAYANILOUAYANILOUAYANILOUAYANILOUAYANILOU- or Ayalou i suppose. They are so important to me THE DRAMA OF THE SHIRASAGI HIMEGIMI DATING A DANCER FROM SUMERU????? A-

ok that's enough of me freaking out hope y'all like these!

[b3lz33bub]

[warning: Enstars brainrot is back after a whole year, I still ramble like a nerd, spoilers for Raison d'être event story]

Valkyrie - Le temps des fleurs

*:･ﾟ✧ Lyrics, video and story analysis :*✧･ﾟ

(even if it's so obviously gay)

I have resurrected my enstars obsession and I found myself fated to dissect Valkyrie's intriguing songs once again, as it seems their relationship has progressed much since last time I had checked on them. This is one going to be elaborate since the song is heavily tied to the event story Raison d'être and to the stage performance which is filled with plenty of symbolism.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚ Relevant links ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚

Lyrics translation by ForeverAsia

Raison d'être translation by Mika Enstars

Official MV

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ Title *:･ﾟ✧*:･

The title of the song, Le temps des fleurs, which translates to "The time of the flowers", could be a reference to the infamous french song from the late 60s with the same title. The original song sung by Dalida directly derives from a russian romance song and depicts the tale of a woman who misses her lover and commemorates the time when they were together, young and carefree.

This is important to note once we provide context from the event story.

*:･ﾟ✧* Raison d'être *:･ﾟ✧*

In the event Raison d'être, which translates to "reason for being", a common french expression, we discover Shu's grandfather wishes to hold a live funeral and turns its preparation into a competition between the other family members. He creates a rather elaborate scenario in order for Shu to uncover the truth about his youthful days in France. Shu's succesful deduction, with Mika's help, enables him to prepare an opera for the funeral.

But Valkyrie had decided to partially cover the truth from the rest of the family in the narration of the opera. Thus, the story birthed actually ends up as an allegory for the relationship Mika and Shu have. (That is why, I will refer to the characters in the story by whom they represent)

Shu, a foreign student in France, passed by a mansion covered in roses and sighted through the window Mademoiselle, whom he fell in love with. Each time he had seen her, he fell deeper and deeper, ending up entering the mansion, unable to contain his feelings.

To his dismay, the beautiful woman he had fallen in love with turned out to be just a life-sized doll.

But the story isn't simply just that. In the mansion was also, of course, a dollmaker, Mika, who had modelled Mademoiselle after his appearance in women's clothes. Deeply moved by Shu's devotion, who had been sending love letters and had been whispering his love in the night, Mika had fallen in love with him, only having been accustomed with the solitude of his own mansion up until then.

But since the discovery of Mademoiselle's true nature, Shu had fallen depressed. Mika decided to dress up in women's clothing and warmly recognise the man's feelings.

「 Je t'aime 」

"I love you"

Mika thought it would end up as a heartfelt, passing moment and their lives would fall back into monotony. But Shu's wishes had just become true — the woman he loved had loved him back.

Since then, he had visited the mansion time and time again. Everytime there was a knock at the door, Mika would hurringly put his women's clothes and makeup on.

This concludes the first act, a comedic tale about the tumultuous existance of a same-sex relationship in a time that wasn't very accepting of it. (As stated by Shu himself)

The second act is an epilogue of the events. Shu had gone back to Japan to fulfill the duties of his family, but promised himself he'd reunite with Mademoiselle. Years later, upon his return, the mansion of roses had decayed, the flowers withering. The only thing left was an inscription on the walls, written in red as if it were fresh blood:

「 Je t'aime 」

"I love you"

-------------------------------------------------------------

Instictually, you'd think that the roles of the story should be reversed. Since Mademoiselle is an extension of Shu, and Mika is a devout follower of Shu as an artist, wouldn't it make more sense for Shu to be the dollmaker and for Mika to be the foreign student?

That is clarified by the diverse use of the pronoun "I" in japanese throughout the retelling of the story by Shu and Mika. When talking about the foreign student, they use "boku", the pronoun version Shu usually uses. The dollmaker, instead, uses "ore", the pronoun version Mika uses. With that in mind and a little thought put into it, you'd see the pieces falling into place.

The first act depicts the relationship Mika and Shu had up until that point. Shu had fallen in love with Mika, the marionette, but the events of Valkyrie made him realise Mika being a mere marionette in his eyes was inhumane — it wasn't real love, but a devout admiration. Mika, though, had proven himself, slow and steady, to be a real human with free-will, wishes and ambitions, in front of the person he loved — an equal. Thus, Shu could truly love the person he only dreamed of loving previously because love can only really bloom between two equals.

The second act depicts Shu's fears about their future. At the beginning of the event story, he reveals he had already prepared a room for Mika to live in Paris so they will continue their lives together. When Mika told him about wanting to remain in Japan after graduation to maintain Valkyrie , Shu spirals out of control, betrayed and fearful. In his eyes, Mika refused maintaining, or even strenghtening, their relationship. In the opera, that is what Shu imagines would happen if they remain separated; one day, Shu would not find Mika waiting for him, having dissapeared from his life, their love withering.

Unlike the opera, we will discover the song, Le temps des fleurs, "ties the knot" of their thread of troubles and feelings.

*:･ﾟ✧* Lyrics & MV *:･ﾟ✧*

[Shu] - pink

[Mika] - green

[Shu and Mika] - blue

In the stage background is depicted the Eiffel Tower to represent where the story takes place, in Paris. This coincides with the city where Mika and Shu sort out their feeling about their future.

Mistakably compared to a marionette, those blue eyes seem vacant

As this foreign romance spun with a stranger begins to close

Wayfaring through an illusion, traversing on streets of stone

Wandering, endlessly, like melting wax dripping in diurnal rhythms

The two commemorate the circumstances of their early relationship, Shu mistaking Mika, a masterful artist, for a mere marionette, leading to a temporary love that couldn't truly exist this way, that melts with each passing day under the sun rays.

The night burns into the dawn, and the heart that yearns without reward

Has long since overlapped

Even if it’s the same as the breeze, that blows through in its flurry of gales

Even if Shu finds out the truth, that love for a doll can't be truly love, he still holds onto it despite all the misfortunes that have come his way, mainly the rough days of Valkyrie. His love for Mika was a "breeze", a gentle wind, in the midst the despair reminiscent of a "flurry of gales", a circular mass of strong winds that entrapped him.

In the MV, during this part, Shu and Mika hold hands and sway together as they sing. It is a crucial moment since (from my knowledge so correct me if I'm wrong) Mika and Shu haven't made such heartfelt gestures on stage before. It highlights how the songs have gradually become more concentrated on themselves, rather than Valkyrie talking to the audience like in the past.

O city of flowers, this love too can bloom, even on the wayside.

It shall remain as a single song

Sear that gorgeous splendor onto each other’s hearts

As this beloved shadowed silhouette[1]

Turns this into a phantasm tale

From the story of the opera written by the two, we can conclude that flowers represent love. Paris, the city of flowers in this case, is also the city of romance.

Even if their feelings seemed impossible of becoming reality because of the rather troubled beginning of their relationship, their strenght had led the two to believe it is possible to achieve, "even on the wayside". They would even accept it even if it were just a passing moment, "a single song", as long as it was real and satiatied their desires by "searing that gorgeous splendor on each other's hearts". When the moment of love would cease to exist, if it ever does, they believe it will be immortalized in their memory as a "phantasm tale", thus having no regret ever experiencing it.

During this moment, the MV background switches to the Temple of Love on the grounds of the Palace of Versailles. The choreography in front of this place dedicated to the women "loved" by the french royalty[2] is also very suggestive of the ignition of romantic feelings. Mika and Shu reach out their arms to each other's hearts as the camera focuses on their shared gazes during the moment. Not long after, the camera focuses on their hands as they join together in front of the Temple of Love, signifying their romantic union.

[1] The original translation on the fan wiki says "silhouettier", which is a word I couldn't find on any online dictionaries. I will assume they meant "silhouette", like other translations.

[2] The factuality of that statement could be debatable, but I am no expert in the matter, nor is it the focus of my point.

-------------------------------------------------------------

[The following segment isn't in the MV so it will be delimited with red.]

Even if we cling onto such ridiculous prayers

The feeling of hopelessness will never disappear, will it?

In that case, let’s leave the meaning of our encounter behind

As we change the regalia belonging to coincidence and fate

In this verse, they seem to be voicing each other's perception of their new relationship.

Shu is still on the edge about their future, as seen especially at the beginning of the event story. Despite both of them having shared such devotion for each other, he cannot help but feel hopeless that it would all end at any step.

Mika recognizes this and keeps looking forward, wanting Shu to adopt the same way of thinking. He has also been the first push that had led to the rehabilitation of Valkyrie, with the help of his faith in his mentor and the love he harbors for him. In this verse, it is also suggested that Shu isn't quite over their relationship during the ex-Valkyrie, thus the source of his hopelessness. It is also evident in the event story when he keeps mentioning Mika had become a human, probably fearful they would regress to their past dynamic.

Some things are unforgivable

Rather than grieving over those sins

Shall we dance the night away instead?

As I reach out my hand to you

And for you to look back at me

They seem to accept their irredeamable past that had led them to the present moment. If it meant reaching that point where they could share their love, "dance the night away", reach out their hands and look back at each other, it was worth it.

Is it possible to worry about the destination of an endless dream?

Even if it’s something that is not finite in nature

Let’s keep it forever, the shine that lasts only in this world

As we are sought and lured by each other

While having our souls turn into a phantasm tale

Unlike the love for a marionette that would melt with each passing day, this love, the love of an equal, is an "endless dream" and "not finite in nature". This current love that they share is more important that their "destination", meaning that they shouldn't worry about the future, which they did at the beginning of the event story, since their love would triumph even against time. This act of being "lured by each other" is compassionate enough to not just dissapear, get immortalized in their memory as in the first chorus, but instead the devotion for each other would be the one to immortalize them as lovers of a "phantasm tale".

-------------------------------------------------------------

Before the bridge commences, the background of the MV becomes pure white, turning Mika and Shu into mere silhouettes. The atmosphere is heavy. When they try to reach out for each other, they miss each other's embrace, unable to look back at one another. This could represent the moments when they feel lost during their relationship, an example being the opening scene of the event story.

Even if it’s worn and arenaceous

If you lift its casing,��its contents will overflow

So even if time is bound, the shades and chromes will still remain

Painting the future in a blinding iridescence

Each verse of the first three is split in half between the two, representing a separation, but proving that, despite the circustances, they share the same feelings about their relationship.

Even if their love is "worn and arenaceous", almost on the brink of dying, "if you lift its casing", its coffin's lid , it will prove to be as strong as ever, "overflowing". Even if their love will die out, its impact will leave an imprint on their lives.

In the final verse, their voices join and their gazes meet. The conclusion is that, no matter the outcome, their love would brighten their future with "a blinding iridescence". Stripping themselves of the worries about both past and future, by embracing the present moment of their love, they have freed themselves.

In the background, the Arch of Triumph is revealed and the stage is filled with blooming flowers, a symbol of their love as established earlier. Then, the second[1] chorus begins.

[1] It is the third chorus if we talk about the entire song. But since this chorus mirrors the first one, it would be more suggestive to call it the second one, like it is in the MV.

O city of flowers, the entire town itself is wrapped in your love

Even the days that passes on by has bloomed and scattered

Let this continue to reverberate forevermore inside each other’s hearts

As this beloved shadowed silhouette

Manifests for this very reason to make you dance

Alongside this song of love, this song of love

The choreography is the same as the one in front of the Temple of Love. If the first time it was about the reciprocity of their feelings that had no clear duration, this time it is the confidence that they are eternal. Mika and Shu are victorious in their love's battle against time and, once again, can reach out for their hearts, look back at each other and join hands.

The final statement is made as their love is finally triumphant over all the hardships Valkyrie had to endure. Their love is so radient, "the entire town itself is wrapped" in it. Even if these moments of love, which have bloomed, would "scatter" in the past, they believe their feelings would keep "reverberating forevermore inside each other's hearts". The song ends with the acknowledgement of its true nature, it being a "song of love".

The MV ends with Mika and Shu looking into each other's eyes, arms ready to reach one another, but far enough to not yet be touching each other — for it is only the first step in their true relationship. The camera pans to Shu's face who, usually, doesn't allow for his affectionate side to surface easily, lovingly looking at Mika.

On a final note, it is really important to mention the outfits. There could be many interpretations for the split appearance of them: funeral and marriage, shadow and light, masculinity and femininity. Either way it may be, the outfits themselves represent union. If in the past, for example in "Eternal Weaving", Mika and Shu were distinguished by a certain symbol, like shadow and light, through their love, they have attained balance. It is both a funeral and a celebration of love. The clothes are the recognition that the lovers are both composed of light and shadow and that they complete one another. They are a symbol about appearance and essence, where one half is seen by the world (Shu in a tuxedo, strong and independent; Mika in a dress, soft and innocent) and the other only by the lovers (Shu in a dress beause he is quite emotional and compassionate; Mika in a tuxedo because he is strong-willed and would do anything for their hapiness together).

In the silence that follows, we can only have faith their love would prevail over anything in their way of looking into each other's longing eyes.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

Thank you for bearing with me! I am so crazed by their love story I had to go all out. I don't think straight romance has achieved this kind of depth yet, I am afraid. (Don't try to prove me wrong, I am right).

[neolxzr]

shu is so victorian that he will call another man his partner in life and in art and the only one who truly understands him and his one and only and say that he's his most important person and that it's just the two of them in this world and he'll give him all of his inheritance money and stare at him longingly and create choreography where they reach out to each other in yearning but if you ask him if they are dating he will say no

'so are you like. a thing?' 'a thing? such a frivolous term cannot possibly describe what kagehira is to me. its clear you don't understand the extent to which-'

[kaxtwenty]

I think that they would be besties.

[mikajunie]

honestly?? the best way on how to cope with adhd symptoms is to be resilient. routines go away so easily, but resilience takes longer to get rid of.

every time i decide to do something instead of procrastinating, that is +1 exp to my resilience skill bar. taking a shower?? +1 exp. doing my work?? +5 exp. it's the small things that i keep doing every day, so even if the depressive episode kicks -20 exp from me, i will still have 3 points left in me to keep going again.

does this make sense?? if you can't stick to a routine, try to shift your focus from the routine itself and more to your will to try again.

every week i go through an "oh fuck i forgot to take a shower in the morning like i used to 2 weeks ago" moment, but it doesnt feel as painful when the thought becomes "oh fuck i forgot to take a shower in the morning like i used to 2 weeks ago... oh well, ill try again tomorrow... or ill do it in the evening instead lol"

[mikaa-mina]

Playing as Scratch somehow?????

lmao yeah so was invisible and in wildshape when I stumbled into a cutscene and instead of switching to a companion to be the main dialogue character it picked Scratch. Which, well, okay, he is a companion and the bestest of boys but -

He's a little lacking in the charisma department xD

Also- my companions kept looking down to him when they spoke and it was cute xD

[midwestsad]

as hell as it is, i’m so thankful BPD allows me to feel music with all my soul, my whole body, and lights up my entire nervous system