#˗ˏˋ ── bond : oren & ellie ꜝꜝ

[pcketknves]

[ bargaining ] ; a continuation from here for @fireandblvvd .

" yeah , i . . . i don't know . "

she'd only ever been uncertain in perhaps three parts of her life ; her blooming feelings for riley , her pining for dina , and the hefty weight of joel's lie about her immunity . in the very instance of where she sat drenched in cold sweat did she find herself uncertain for the fourth time in all her twenty years of living . couldn't be sure if this is how her life was going to be forever — haunted by things she couldn't will away no matter how hard she thought she could .

bruised and battered hands balled into fists with the hope to grasp onto some semblance of sanity that she had left — whatever was left untouched from flashing images of joel's reckoning . with a soothing exhale and the tight knit of brows pressed together to bridge the gap of anguish and strength did ellie find her grounding , olive depths peering back up toward a familiar face .

" i can't let this go , " a soft whisper - crack like chipping paint from a home her surrogate old man left behind with things undone as though he'd come back . " i can't let him go — they have to pay . i have to make things right ; they can't just get away with this . "

there was a pathetic sniffle like a small child trying to console themselves — just like she'd always done ; right before she'd have to grow up so fast . the back of a damp hand would swipe 'cross the bottom of her nose , her throat dry and stinging like nettle needles . hopelessly her glance 'pon oren ; something pleading there as though begging — asking if things would be okay .

if she'd be okay .

[pcketknves]

" joel would've been halfway up to wherever the fuck they were if it came down to me or tommy , " she spat , though her anger weren't necessarily directed at oren . ungrateful she would've been if it were ; oren had only ever been there for her when she needed someone the most . where others would have abandoned her — turned tail and left the moment they could , oren stayed . and perhaps deep down , ellie were bitter over dina having left .

too little too late were it that ellie realized all joel had sacrificed and what otherwise monstrous choices he had to make to get her where she was now . what decision could be right in one's mind would be wrong in another — and he'd made that choice over and over again . salt water stung the rims of her eyes where they were surely too sore to let them roll , yet they persisted . how cruel were it that she'd only realize these things far too late ?

what kind of cruel lesson was it .

" thought i could live with not finishing it ; to not give into the need to make things even . but that's not me , oren . i'm not like other people , i can't just let things go , " her gaze was something forlorn like that of someone who just came to accept they were a monster . all her life , she'd wanted to mean something ; to have her actions and her purpose mean something . on journeys did she attempt to make it all mean something — all the bloodshed .

" joel did what he did to protect me , and i can't make what he did be for nothing . can't take this shit lying down like a dog . if it happened all over again , he'd do it again — i'm going after abby . . . " she exhaled , the blazing fire in her gaze burning bright .

" and i'm going to fuck her up . "

[ bargaining ] ; a continuation from here for @fireandblvvd .

" yeah , i . . . i don't know . "

she'd only ever been uncertain in perhaps three parts of her life ; her blooming feelings for riley , her pining for dina , and the hefty weight of joel's lie about her immunity . in the very instance of where she sat drenched in cold sweat did she find herself uncertain for the fourth time in all her twenty years of living . couldn't be sure if this is how her life was going to be forever — haunted by things she couldn't will away no matter how hard she thought she could .

bruised and battered hands balled into fists with the hope to grasp onto some semblance of sanity that she had left — whatever was left untouched from flashing images of joel's reckoning . with a soothing exhale and the tight knit of brows pressed together to bridge the gap of anguish and strength did ellie find her grounding , olive depths peering back up toward a familiar face .

" i can't let this go , " a soft whisper - crack like chipping paint from a home her surrogate old man left behind with things undone as though he'd come back . " i can't let him go — they have to pay . i have to make things right ; they can't just get away with this . "

there was a pathetic sniffle like a small child trying to console themselves — just like she'd always done ; right before she'd have to grow up so fast . the back of a damp hand would swipe 'cross the bottom of her nose , her throat dry and stinging like nettle needles . hopelessly her glance 'pon oren ; something pleading there as though begging — asking if things would be okay .

if she'd be okay .