#˗ˏˋ ── [ answered ] ꜝꜝ

[pcketknves]

[ paths crossed ] ; a continuation from here for @pennedbymoxiee .

it'd always been pretty easy to tell whether or not someone was bullshitting her . the lilt of a voice , the fear of being caught in a web of lies ; neither of those things present within the woman that was nearly a victim to ellie's wrath . for a moment still did it seem as though hesitation stirred within , the corners of a weary and dry mouth twitching ever so slightly before sucking back a click of disappointment the tongue against teeth .

" okay , " a heavy sigh , though one wouldn't be able to discern if it were out of disappointment she couldn't use this one for info or if it were out of relief she could let her guard down a smidge . " so you're not a wolf ; the hell are you doing all the way out here ? it's not smart — got these so called " scars " running around on top of the wlf and the infected . "

thick were the humidity that seemed to only increase with ellie's incessant pacing back and forth as though she were trying to gauge in her mind where to go from there . gaze never leaving the dirtied tops of canvas sneakers , she'd stop suddenly where dirt and debris would shift 'neath the soles of worn down shoes . with a small pivot did she regard the woman with a steeled gaze , finally being able to take in the view of what could have either been enemy or companion .

" joel — , " she'd pause , eyes quickly shutting as she turned her head away briefly . to speak of his name brought upon her memories she didn't want to relive and a guilt she continued to pile on her like pounds of dirt 'pon a grave . " he used to tell me about the other countries out there in the old world — you're not from here , are you . "

much less a question than it were a statement ; the accent gave it away . her hands found their way to the stable hills of her hips , her mind yet again the tipping scales as she weighed her options . fear and the general distrust of others told her to jump ship ; abandon the idea of strength in numbers , but the crushing desire to not be alone willed her for invitation . a quick and skillful once - over took in the other's arsenal ; prepared despite not being from the U S of A .

" that's not a bad arrangement of shit you got , " her tone lighter now ; as though to apologize for her otherwise vicious behavior from earlier . she'd had the bad habit of never apologizing unless she truly meant it — a sign of her authenticity and her dislike for lying . " given you haven't been bitten yet or at the very least shot dead . . . makes you one of the rare ones . "

another brief pause ; a moment of caution , though she'd thrown it to the wind rather quick .

" ellie , " a bloodied and dirt - riddled hand reached out — what was the point in lying , anyway ? " looking for a girl named abby . got big ass muscles and a braid , you seen her ? "

anything was better than nothing .

[pcketknves]

drenched with sweat or rainfall , she couldn't tell the salt from the fresh . it'd all soaked 'neath cotton fabric , making its home where crimson burned brown and rusted from old wounds she'd likely not felt in all of her rage - induced adrenaline rush . washed away like memories she'd wished would go away just as easy did the rain do her the favor of showering the dirt from her skin .

in her ears and heart the drumline of her pulse all - too rapid that if she'd focused hard enough she was sure it'd sound as though it were going to burst . in the back of her mind like an incessant scratching she'd wished to quell with dirtied nails just to satiate that itch was the image of abby burned bright ; she'd go through everybody and anybody to get to her . to avenge joel . to settle the score she'd felt uneven since his untimely death murder .

her breathing was something rapid like that of some feral animal that'd lost touch with the very thing called humanity and sanity ; her eyes filled with malice and her breaths coming through as short and sharp snarls . knife - tip pointed against fabric though feeling for flesh that could give way and generously spill what ellie would gleefully name " revenge " . the wlf — wolves or the washington liberation front , whatever they wished to name themselves mattered little to ellie ; she had their number .

" shut it , " the hiss of a shaky voice sounding all too reminiscent of something about to boil over as steel tip meets jugular vein . " you with them ? where's abby ? "

the quick flicker of olive depths the tell of a skillful eye ; no sign of a wlf patch , though it still wasn't a failsafe . through rain - slicked lashes did her fury burn , her head careening off to the side with skeptical gaze . as if practiced many - a - time from her adolescence to young adulthood did her foot catch betwixt the woman's , free hand twisting a wrist behind the back once pressed against cold concrete . now positioned at the back and blade still held firm against the other's throat did ellie's eyes scan the surrounding area ; after all , this were safer than taking her eyes off of the target .

" you alone ? not smart for a wolf to wander around here by themselves . . . you got friends patrolling the area ? and don't you fucking lie to me , or i'll fuck you up . "

[ 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐝 ] : sender pins the receiver against a wall out of sheer rage .

thinking about ellie and lara's first encounter ; maybe ellie thinks lara is affiliated with the WLF and abby . given ellie is on a rage - driven rampage across seattle , it's not entirely unlikely she wouldn't go for lara's throat almost immediately .

She shouldn't even be here. A quick trip to the States, she thought, just to check on a lead she had. She had taken a little break, after her latest bout with Trinity, and subsequently helping to restore Paititi, she had set aside some time to rest her mind and body. But that hadn't stopped her from planning her next big adventure. Unfortunately, those plans and that lead brought her here. From the frying pan and into the fire. As if she'd come to expect anything less, it was as if this sort of luck stuck with her since the Shipwreck. Lara had made herself a small camp just north of a nearby quarantine zone, tucked away and out of sight. But anytime a heavy rain came, she had to move in to find shelter. She had had quite enough of being cold and damp. Thankfully, the jacket she had chosen was good at keeping away the moisture of a drizzle. She had done a particularly good job of staying out of the view of the factions that roamed these cities. That was the last thing she wanted, to get caught up in some sort of pseudo-political mess. She admired the resolve of the human spirit, to trudge forward even in the face of such devastation. . . But she didn't want to be involved. At least, for as long as she could manage it. Spotting a good location to duck into to avoid the rain, the brunette stayed back a short time to watch for any movement. When there was no sign of such, she hurried across the street, and slipped in through the slightly opened door. Debris from the building's dilapidation propped it just enough for her body to fit. No more than two steps in before her back met damp concrete with a thud, a strike that knocked the air out of her lungs. She struggled at first, that was until her dark eyes focused in on just what, or who, had subdued her. Lara's gaze flickered from the soft, freckled features of her captor to the knife's edge that glinted at her side. Normally, she would have tried a bit harder, pushed more against someone who had made a move against her, even as minor as this. And while she did still give a bit of a fight, she stayed her hand. Something in her eyes, however hardened, she sensed. . . Something. "Not a very grand welcome for a fellow survivor," she finally managed, accent-laced words spoken at a low volume, but with plenty of grit and venom.

[pcketknves]

[ partnership ] ; a continuation from here for @pennedbymoxiee .

never the question on whether or not lara could handle herself ; ellie had seen it all with her own two eyes not yet viciously taken from her by the hands of anyone bold enough to try . in all of her time trying to survive , she'd found the living more inhumane than the infected . executions , torture methods she'd only seen in the various films she'd watched with joel — humans were the monsters . yet even still with the confidence did ellie find herself wondering if her permission would backfire one day .

one day wondering if she'd lose lara the way she lost him . wondering if she'd be just as helpless to stop it as that day a year or so ago .

" if at any point you wanna turn back around , " she'd murmur , her voice clear despite . anxiously would her hands fidget with one another , tracing the paths of old scars and new scabs . " i won't blame you , but i have to see this through to the end . "

wasn't long before they'd be gone on foot ; it'd be some odd few days before they could be remotely close to abby's last known whereabout . for so long had ellie been tracking the woman like some sort of bloodhound , noting every last location and the precise pathing . from the surface and the outside looking in was it a clear obsession — the need to rid herself the guilt of being helpless to save joel . if she could right that very wrong and solely live with the thought she'd murdered dozens to make it happen , she could live with that .

" i should've done it then , " she'd break the vocal silence , listening to the odd crunch of gravel and the shift of tall grass against her legs and beneath her feet . " i had the chance to beat the shit out of her . . . wanted to make her pay . don't know why i stopped — guess i thought doing it wouldn't have brought him back . she was scrawny as shit , too . fuckers that caught her really did a number on her . but it didn't feel right — i wanted her to fight back . i got nothing out of beating a kicked animal . "

maybe it was a bit much , but if ellie were anything , it was honest .

[pcketknves]

[ bloodied ] ; a continuation from here for @pennedbymoxiee .

how many times had it been ? how many times were it that someone had to take care of her ass where she wanted nothing more than to be able to take care of herself ? was it even so bad to have someone care ? joel cared , and it got him six feet under with a face ellie could barely even recognize . couldn't dare to remember what he looked like before it all .

in her ears was the irritating screech the tinnitus of a post traumatic induced daydream with a far off look in her eyes that they'd glossed over . it'd drowned out her surroundings if only for a moment , her lashes fluttering ever so slightly as her fingers halted in their pursuit of that loose thread . parted , cracked lips breathe out what she'd often times wished was her final breath , her heart the calmest it'd felt all week .

british - ladden accent the harmony to bring her out of her dazed stupor , olive 'pon an otherwise concerned face . ellie had grown to love staring at her ; made her feel safe . made everything feel worth it . could remember the last time she'd felt this way — before dina left the farm with jj . for once , back then , things felt alright . but then she'd lost it all and brought to fruition her greatest fear of being alone .

having lara by her side made her wish not to make the same mistake , but . . .

" yeah , " hoarsely . exhausted . shaky hands would find purchase within one another curled tight against her chest as she'd roll off to her right , allowing lara the easy access to the injury . in the brief silence there against their uneven and untimed breathing did the words wish to spill from her lips : ' you're not going to leave me , too , are you . '

selfish to ask it , selfish to have wanted dina to stay , back then . it were a year since then but it still felt brand new — the wound that couldn't be carefully stitched closed with careful hands .

please , don't leave . i know i have a lot to answer for , and i know i'm a monster , but please , stay .

[pcketknves]

[ bargaining ] ; a continuation from here for @fireandblvvd .

" yeah , i . . . i don't know . "

she'd only ever been uncertain in perhaps three parts of her life ; her blooming feelings for riley , her pining for dina , and the hefty weight of joel's lie about her immunity . in the very instance of where she sat drenched in cold sweat did she find herself uncertain for the fourth time in all her twenty years of living . couldn't be sure if this is how her life was going to be forever — haunted by things she couldn't will away no matter how hard she thought she could .

bruised and battered hands balled into fists with the hope to grasp onto some semblance of sanity that she had left — whatever was left untouched from flashing images of joel's reckoning . with a soothing exhale and the tight knit of brows pressed together to bridge the gap of anguish and strength did ellie find her grounding , olive depths peering back up toward a familiar face .

" i can't let this go , " a soft whisper - crack like chipping paint from a home her surrogate old man left behind with things undone as though he'd come back . " i can't let him go — they have to pay . i have to make things right ; they can't just get away with this . "

there was a pathetic sniffle like a small child trying to console themselves — just like she'd always done ; right before she'd have to grow up so fast . the back of a damp hand would swipe 'cross the bottom of her nose , her throat dry and stinging like nettle needles . hopelessly her glance 'pon oren ; something pleading there as though begging — asking if things would be okay .

if she'd be okay .

[pcketknves]

the crack sounded off like the rapid snap of fingers with which would bring most people out of their hallucinating state ; but not her . over and over did the image of joel play like some sick tape in her nightmares , dry and quivering lips mumbling ; crying out to a father figure she'd long since lost but her subconscious couldn't find the will to let go . if only she could just forgive herself , if only she could've just made up with joel before he — if only it would've right her wrongs .

" please , don't , " her voice was a pathetic whimper accompanied with knitted brows that told stories of nonstop anguish , frown lines evident at the corners of her mouth turned downwards . " anybody but him . "

with soft jostle along with colder flesh in comparison to her own that felt like hellfire did it bring her from the depths of her guilt , olive depths cradled against blossoming pink . moisture sat 'round the rims of her eyes , her chest heaving and heart thumping — she was still alive . why did she still have to be alive ? shaky and clammy hands placed themselves over her mouth where she'd attempt to catch her breath , lightly releasing expletives within them as though to carry them ; to pocket them as further burdens .

her eyes would settle still 'pon oren , who was once an unlikely companion turned someone ellie had leaned on in her most dire of times . " sorry , " her voice was raspy and full of what could be best described as shame , her hands trying to find a physical grasp on something . . . to note she wasn't reliving that nightmare in real time .

[ NIGHTMARE ] : sender  comforts  receiver  in  the  aftermath  of  a  nightmare . ( reversed )

assuming oren and ellie have already formed a bond , im thinking of a scenario in which oren comforts ellie after a nightmare of joel . perhaps ellie hasn't opened up yet about what happened to him , and this nightmare is the perfect opportunity .

rest was such a fickle thing -- one that she understood humans required -- hence why she told ellie she'd keep watch . with fingers interlocked behind her head , would she remain on guard as the soft flicker of candle light illuminated the space .

her ears would pick up the slightest whine ... a whimper threaded with terror . oren would look over to the bed to see ellie in distress as if reliving a harrowing memory .

unfurling her body of the floor , she quickly crossed over placing a gentle hand on both of her shoulders.

"ellie...ellie wake up. you're having a nightmare and i need you to wake up." there was an usual softness to her typically stern voice . she knew what it was like to suffer and even more to suffer in silence.

whatever ellie was going through , oren made a silent vow to be there to help her through it.

[pcketknves]

[ patterns ] sender drawing random patterns on receiver's skin ( v. ) i would like to imagine that ambrosia would do this from time to time . as a way of distratcing v from the inevitable that is looming over his head . racing small things like flowers or hearts onto his inner arm or the top of his hand . quietly , without many words . but the intent is seen in the expression on her face . maybe it would happen late at night , a time when ambrosia finds even herself worrying about the future .

tenderness were like a lover long lost where love letter lay left behind with words too late to be spoken . in a far off memory just beyond his fingertips could he vaguely remember such gentility , though like the sands of time would it trickle into nothing . against the bleak and dreary sky did the warmth of the sun dare to peek through , beaming small stream against cotton all too thin to shelter their eyes from its light .

her touch was something that taught his heart and mortal frame a new feeling that he could only hope would follow him in his reunion with urizen . absentmindedly had he copied her own thoughtless ministrations , slender fingers following up the length of her arm and back down at a pace so soft he'd inevitably lull himself back to sleep if not careful .

" struggling in my father’s hands , striving against my swaddling bands , bound and weary , i thought best to sulk upon my mother’s breast , " he'd murmur , his voice worn down from exhaustion and with the desire to rest his eyes . " i have nothing left ; if urizen is not stopped , this world as you know it will be no more . sacrifice , though difficult , must be made even in the toughest times . "

[pcketknves]

well , she'd seen worse .

from split skull like a crack in a broken window somewhere far off at an abandoned store front to something freakish the takeover of fungi that once was a recognizable face ; she'd seen it all . ellie's hands which were once shaky and full of uncertainty were now still with so much expertise it were only a wonder how much shit she'd ever gotten herself into .

" you should keep your energy , " her voice a slight crack from dry throat as she'd carefully bandage what wounds she could . " something joel used to tell me . . . tell me to shut my mouth instead of wasting my energy flapping my gums . " ellie would bring the hem of plaid fabric against bloodied lip , carefully cleaning it from ambrosia's fair skin . " count yourself lucky ; for a second there i thought i was going to have to turn you into a goddamn painting , too . "

[ wounded ] sender patches up receiver's wounds . ( ellie )

thinking about ellie helping ambrosia out with navigating how to survive through a literal apocalypse . . . using what little supplies she's got to ensure ambrosia's alright . though it seems like ellie is annoyed by the look on her face , the worry in her eyes says otherwise .

a small cough sputtered from ambrosia's mouth , due to the injury she had sustained to her ribs from a fall . this was not uncommon , as the woman was fairly clumsy . thankfully the saliva on the rag ellie had provided was not bloody nor any other type of oddly colored . " thank you , for your help . . . i don't quite . . . understand how i got myself in this situation , but i appreciate it nonetheless . "

[pcketknves]

it weighed on her heavily like stones being placed upon her chest . ellie knew of what lara was asking , and she knew there would have been safety in numbers . still , she wasn't sure if she could even ask of lara in such a selfish way , though she knew her gaze betrayed her logic . in those olive depths the plea her thinly pressed lips refused to say ; " i want you with me . "

but she couldn't . couldn't subject lara to something like a possible death sentence . after putting dina , who was fucking pregnant , in the middle of it all — she couldn't possibly ask lara to come with her . with shaky palms did ellie's eyes shift down ; she'd hardly felt as though she were in her own body , let alone could she believe all of the lives her very hands claimed as theirs .

" you know i can't ask you to do that , " her voice came as a soft whisper , the pathetic whimper a choke in the back of her throat . saltwater lined the rims of her lashes as her face contorted in something like anguish , her gut twisting as her body shook with rage . " but i can't stop . i've come too far to stop . abby — she has to fucking pay ! for joel . . . "

there where she stood did she look like a small child that had lost everything — broken sobs the rattle shaking her bones to their very core . if only she could've been more proactive — if only she didn't let her pining for dina get in the way of her better judgement , she could've . . . it could've went differently . she could've had joel back , and the only thing she had to worry about was trying to forgive joel for lying .

there was an eerie silence that fell there betwixt them , thick like a fog no knife could hope to cut through . boiling and bubbling within her like a cauldron of all the pent up emotions she'd hoped to hide behind a tough exterior and through poor humor was close to erupting as she met lara's gaze . in her own , a burning fire she felt could light seattle ablaze . and then suddenly , the subtle nod of acceptance .

" pack your things . won't be coming back here for a while . "

[ reality check ] ; sender tells receiver " look at me . this is who i am , no matter how much you wish it wasn't . "

thinking about a scenario in which lara takes the place of dina in a situation where she realizes she can't stop ellie in her pursuit of abby and the WLF ; how defeated lara must feel , and how the ellie she initially met has died away for a more brutal , more unforgiving ellie .

That hint of playfulness she had always held, the glint of it in her eyes whenever they spoke, it was gone. . . Extinguished by this environment, these dire circumstances. And in it's place was coldness. Anger. Rage. A breath hitched in Lara's throat as Ellie's words cut deep, hacking away like a knife. The brunette's gaze lingered on her, upon the freckled high plains of her cheeks and the roundness of her nose, upon the fullness of her lips. . . "I understand. . . The desire for revenge. . . The grip it holds, and how it squeezes at your heart. . . Your soul." The urge to close the distance between them and pull her into a hug, to bury her nose in her auburn hair, overwhelmed Lara. She did her best to push it away. "I've never asked you to change. . . I don't want that. Just, please. . ." A pause, steadying herself as her words began to quake. "Let me come with you. . . You don't have to face all of this alone."

[pcketknves]

sweet were the sound of that woman's voice . it'd felt too much like a home ellie had long since lost or forgotten — something of a warm blanket she'd wished to curl up in and just hide away from the world and all the horrors it had to offer . despite the sheepish smile that attempted to pull at the corners of her bloodied and split lips , the color had all been drained from her face .

" you should see the other guy , " a poor attempt at lessening the blow of devastation and panic that was clearly setting an anchor within lara's gut ; anything to get lara to stop looking at her the way she did . it reminded her all too much of the way joel used to look if ellie had even gotten just a scratch ; couldn't afford to be a burden to someone else , too . each limping step felt like hellfire shooting up her side , the ache of her wounds making her feel like a kicked dog wandering back to lick its injuries .

once inside the qz did her worn down bag find a temporary home 'pon the concrete floor , her aching muscles and bones screaming for a place to rest . down on the dingy couch would she finally settle , slowly peeling from her body damp tops riddled with old tears , blood stains and sweat . in a pathetic heap she'd do away with them , leaving herself bare from the jeans up .

there against her right side the shoddy stitch - work of someone too much in a rush to care , awkward bruising 'round the black thread that stuck out like thorns . tired depths found their way half - lidded to take in the worrisome gaze of her companion , a pathetic wheeze of a laugh escaping her as her body reclined .

" don't look at me like that , " a passive wave of her hand . " you're looking at me like i'm going to die or something . have a little faith . "

back there near what was once a bustling wlf base now a barren wasteland with nothing but corpses to decorate cobblestone and overgrown vegetation ; the last notes of a hellish symphony ellie created with her own hands . for a moment where her gaze would be glued stuck to a random crack in the wall would absentminded fidgeting hands find the loose thread on her jeans . her gaze , suddenly cold , would settle on her .

" i promised , " she'd breathe , the image of joel's beaten and battered face flashing in her mind like strobing lights .

" i promised i'd kill every single fuckin' one of them . "

[ injury ] ; sender tells receiver " so , i don't think i'm dying or anything , and it's probably not that serious , but . . . i'm kinda bleeding . a lot . "

thinking about how ellie might've bitten off more than she could chew . maybe she'd told lara to stay behind and wound up coming back heavily injured with some shoddy stitch - work she likely did in a rush .

Lara did what she normally did when Ellie set out on her own. There was a routine, she had come to notice. She protested at first, of course, and then gave in, honoring her wishes. And then the explorer paced. Back and forth, back and forth, dark braid trailing behind her, the ground crunching beneath the tread of her boots. And she would do so with a knot in her stomach until Ellie had returned. This time was no different, but the pit of worry that grew within her core was deeper than usual. She had a feeling something was off, that something bad had happened. And when she spotted the auburn-haired woman stumbling into view, visibly bleeding, her suspicions were confirmed. "Bloody hell," she cursed under her breath, taking off to her companion's side. Upon reaching her, she wasted no time taking one of Ellie's arms and draping it over her shoulder to help steady her for the walk to shelter. "What happened?!"

[pcketknves]

anxiously , fingers found themselves within the grasp of a free hand , her gaze awkward and seemingly not as hardened as it once were . she looked weary and ran down , her muscles screaming for her to stop just for once to let it rest . but it'd all be for naught if she didn't punish herself the way she'd thought she'd deserved — that for all the people who she'd gotten close to that had died when it should've been her . . .

should've been her .

" there's actually a fedra base a little south from here , " with the tone of someone saying she'd let — wish , for lara to come along . " i'm headed to santa barbara , so the base is a little less than a couple miles down . "

" artifact ? what , are you like , some sort of adventurer like that guy in the movie who like — stole the declaration of independence or something ? " a skeptical brow rose in suspicion as to what it was she was on about — didn't sound like any typical thing for someone to get into . " orrrr are you basically like those people back in the old world who would go lookin' for dinosaur bones ? "

in the time of her wandering from the east coast from boston to the west coast of washington , she'd come across way too much media from the old world — dvds , cds , vinyls and something or other called a laserdisc . she'd seen it all ; decades upon decades of stuff she wasn't alive to experience . it'd left her all too much with an active imagination , which clouded her ability to make a genuine , sensical connection as to what it was lara was blabbering on about .

but one thing stuck out to her the most , out of everything .

" wait , are you saying the whole world isn't riddled with infection ? that there are others out there . . . unaware of what's going on over here ? " her voice cracked with disbelief , her heart heavy where her mind were hopeful . maybe there were other possible immune or possibilities for a vaccine , after all — if she could make it out there .

[ paths crossed ] ; a continuation from here for @pennedbymoxiee .

it'd always been pretty easy to tell whether or not someone was bullshitting her . the lilt of a voice , the fear of being caught in a web of lies ; neither of those things present within the woman that was nearly a victim to ellie's wrath . for a moment still did it seem as though hesitation stirred within , the corners of a weary and dry mouth twitching ever so slightly before sucking back a click of disappointment the tongue against teeth .

" okay , " a heavy sigh , though one wouldn't be able to discern if it were out of disappointment she couldn't use this one for info or if it were out of relief she could let her guard down a smidge . " so you're not a wolf ; the hell are you doing all the way out here ? it's not smart — got these so called " scars " running around on top of the wlf and the infected . "

thick were the humidity that seemed to only increase with ellie's incessant pacing back and forth as though she were trying to gauge in her mind where to go from there . gaze never leaving the dirtied tops of canvas sneakers , she'd stop suddenly where dirt and debris would shift 'neath the soles of worn down shoes . with a small pivot did she regard the woman with a steeled gaze , finally being able to take in the view of what could have either been enemy or companion .

" joel — , " she'd pause , eyes quickly shutting as she turned her head away briefly . to speak of his name brought upon her memories she didn't want to relive and a guilt she continued to pile on her like pounds of dirt 'pon a grave . " he used to tell me about the other countries out there in the old world — you're not from here , are you . "

much less a question than it were a statement ; the accent gave it away . her hands found their way to the stable hills of her hips , her mind yet again the tipping scales as she weighed her options . fear and the general distrust of others told her to jump ship ; abandon the idea of strength in numbers , but the crushing desire to not be alone willed her for invitation . a quick and skillful once - over took in the other's arsenal ; prepared despite not being from the U S of A .

" that's not a bad arrangement of shit you got , " her tone lighter now ; as though to apologize for her otherwise vicious behavior from earlier . she'd had the bad habit of never apologizing unless she truly meant it — a sign of her authenticity and her dislike for lying . " given you haven't been bitten yet or at the very least shot dead . . . makes you one of the rare ones . "

another brief pause ; a moment of caution , though she'd thrown it to the wind rather quick .

" ellie , " a bloodied and dirt - riddled hand reached out — what was the point in lying , anyway ? " looking for a girl named abby . got big ass muscles and a braid , you seen her ? "

anything was better than nothing .

[pcketknves]

downcast her olive greens fell to dirt 'neath her canvas sneakers , each step closer to more blood on her hands and another life at death's door . perhaps born the reaper all along with no means to an end for herself ; that was her curse . where she couldn't save riley or tess , she'd wanted nothing more than to die on that operating table if it meant she could just .

" back on that farm with dina , i tried to bury it all — live out that normal life i knew she'd always wanted , but it wasn't me , " her voice was meek , with something like disgust lying underneath like a blood stain poorly hidden under a shoddy rug . " i couldn't sleep , i couldn't eat . . . i thought maybe if i would've just let it sink in , i'd be able to let it go . "

in their partnership , she couldn't remember if she'd ever once mentioned dina . once upon a time , ellie could remember herself something of a yapper — joel used to get tired of it . now , she were someone of few words , often times keeping things to herself where most would accuse her of purposefully keeping secrets . the pain of not being perfect for dina ( though she knew dina never asked that of her ) , and dina staying true to her word of not waiting on her — talking about it brought a shame ellie couldn't describe , even if she ripped herself open .

with an audible inhale , dead in her tracks she'd stop , pivoting slightly to lock her gaze on lara . for a brief moment , that ponytail looked all too much like the raven bun of a long - lost lover ; the guilt . blinking the image of dina away , she'd pull out her map , glancing it over where free hand would gently brush away at the underside of her nose with a light sniffle . choke that shit back , ellie — dina's gone , and there was a score to settle .

" we're getting close , " she'd murmur , folding the map back up to stow it away in her backpack on one knee . " thinking in the next couple of days , we'll be there . we should stop here for now — take shelter , " a small suggestion despite her desire to keep pushing beyond her body's exhaustion . in a nearby abandoned pet store , she'd lodge the door behind them , awkwardly pacing back and forth with a clearly anxious mind .

" i can't have you get injured , too . "

wasn't entirely sure why she'd initially hesitated on telling lara what she was thinking ; it wasn't like she was scared of the reaction or maybe even defiance on lara's part , but .

" dina , she — " a beat . damn , was she talking about dina a lot ? she'd hoped lara wouldn't think too deep on it . " abby nearly slit her throat while dina was pregnant , and . . . if you go , that might be it for me . i already can't forgive myself for shit i can't go back and change . "

[ partnership ] ; a continuation from here for @pennedbymoxiee .

never the question on whether or not lara could handle herself ; ellie had seen it all with her own two eyes not yet viciously taken from her by the hands of anyone bold enough to try . in all of her time trying to survive , she'd found the living more inhumane than the infected . executions , torture methods she'd only seen in the various films she'd watched with joel — humans were the monsters . yet even still with the confidence did ellie find herself wondering if her permission would backfire one day .

one day wondering if she'd lose lara the way she lost him . wondering if she'd be just as helpless to stop it as that day a year or so ago .

" if at any point you wanna turn back around , " she'd murmur , her voice clear despite . anxiously would her hands fidget with one another , tracing the paths of old scars and new scabs . " i won't blame you , but i have to see this through to the end . "

wasn't long before they'd be gone on foot ; it'd be some odd few days before they could be remotely close to abby's last known whereabout . for so long had ellie been tracking the woman like some sort of bloodhound , noting every last location and the precise pathing . from the surface and the outside looking in was it a clear obsession — the need to rid herself the guilt of being helpless to save joel . if she could right that very wrong and solely live with the thought she'd murdered dozens to make it happen , she could live with that .

" i should've done it then , " she'd break the vocal silence , listening to the odd crunch of gravel and the shift of tall grass against her legs and beneath her feet . " i had the chance to beat the shit out of her . . . wanted to make her pay . don't know why i stopped — guess i thought doing it wouldn't have brought him back . she was scrawny as shit , too . fuckers that caught her really did a number on her . but it didn't feel right — i wanted her to fight back . i got nothing out of beating a kicked animal . "

maybe it was a bit much , but if ellie were anything , it was honest .

[pcketknves]

" joel would've been halfway up to wherever the fuck they were if it came down to me or tommy , " she spat , though her anger weren't necessarily directed at oren . ungrateful she would've been if it were ; oren had only ever been there for her when she needed someone the most . where others would have abandoned her — turned tail and left the moment they could , oren stayed . and perhaps deep down , ellie were bitter over dina having left .

too little too late were it that ellie realized all joel had sacrificed and what otherwise monstrous choices he had to make to get her where she was now . what decision could be right in one's mind would be wrong in another — and he'd made that choice over and over again . salt water stung the rims of her eyes where they were surely too sore to let them roll , yet they persisted . how cruel were it that she'd only realize these things far too late ?

what kind of cruel lesson was it .

" thought i could live with not finishing it ; to not give into the need to make things even . but that's not me , oren . i'm not like other people , i can't just let things go , " her gaze was something forlorn like that of someone who just came to accept they were a monster . all her life , she'd wanted to mean something ; to have her actions and her purpose mean something . on journeys did she attempt to make it all mean something — all the bloodshed .

" joel did what he did to protect me , and i can't make what he did be for nothing . can't take this shit lying down like a dog . if it happened all over again , he'd do it again — i'm going after abby . . . " she exhaled , the blazing fire in her gaze burning bright .

" and i'm going to fuck her up . "

[ bargaining ] ; a continuation from here for @fireandblvvd .

" yeah , i . . . i don't know . "

she'd only ever been uncertain in perhaps three parts of her life ; her blooming feelings for riley , her pining for dina , and the hefty weight of joel's lie about her immunity . in the very instance of where she sat drenched in cold sweat did she find herself uncertain for the fourth time in all her twenty years of living . couldn't be sure if this is how her life was going to be forever — haunted by things she couldn't will away no matter how hard she thought she could .

bruised and battered hands balled into fists with the hope to grasp onto some semblance of sanity that she had left — whatever was left untouched from flashing images of joel's reckoning . with a soothing exhale and the tight knit of brows pressed together to bridge the gap of anguish and strength did ellie find her grounding , olive depths peering back up toward a familiar face .

" i can't let this go , " a soft whisper - crack like chipping paint from a home her surrogate old man left behind with things undone as though he'd come back . " i can't let him go — they have to pay . i have to make things right ; they can't just get away with this . "

there was a pathetic sniffle like a small child trying to console themselves — just like she'd always done ; right before she'd have to grow up so fast . the back of a damp hand would swipe 'cross the bottom of her nose , her throat dry and stinging like nettle needles . hopelessly her glance 'pon oren ; something pleading there as though begging — asking if things would be okay .

if she'd be okay .

[pcketknves]

with tight jaw set as though nearly wired shut did a silence linger betwixt them like thick fog . ellie's eyes seemed to stare intensely at the cloth of the slowly dirtied bandage , her gaze capable of picking up even the slightest fraying thread as her heart pounded in her ears . shakily did breath leave through her nostrils , the pair flaring with both anger and something close to anxiety .

olive depths a quick flicker up to meet the redhead's gaze , the searing heat of her stare seemingly capable of melting right through ambrosia . " no , " she'd state rather shortly and quickly , and though she wished not to think about it , memories played back horridly . the vicious cracking of flesh and bone and the red river of blood streaming down his face ; she'd wished to forget .

" i don't know what it's like to have an old man , and i guess he didn't entirely know what it was like to have a daughter that made it this far . we never tried to replace either of the people in our lives that fit those roles . . . kind of an unspoken rule , " ellie murmured , tying off the bandages before awkwardly brushing a knuckle under her nose . " anyway , you're a big girl , yeah ? don't have to teach you about keeping dirty shit away from your injuries . "

[ wounded ] sender patches up receiver's wounds . ( ellie )

thinking about ellie helping ambrosia out with navigating how to survive through a literal apocalypse . . . using what little supplies she's got to ensure ambrosia's alright . though it seems like ellie is annoyed by the look on her face , the worry in her eyes says otherwise .

a small cough sputtered from ambrosia's mouth , due to the injury she had sustained to her ribs from a fall . this was not uncommon , as the woman was fairly clumsy . thankfully the saliva on the rag ellie had provided was not bloody nor any other type of oddly colored . " thank you , for your help . . . i don't quite . . . understand how i got myself in this situation , but i appreciate it nonetheless . "