#˖ ࣪ . ࿐ ♡ ˚ . i am so ready to tear that knife from what was ⌗ 𝘮0𝘣𝘩𝘪𝘵 ( 𝘥𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘤 ) .

[howaerds-a]

closed | she's here to PESTER | @carp3diems

a  frustrated ,  drunken exhale   heats   the   lower   half   of   the   blonde's   face   as   eddie's   phone   goes   to   voicemail   again .   she   knows   that he's   busy   with   legitimate   business   ,   but   that   doesn't   help   the   boredom   she's   exacerbated   with   the   aid   of   the   mob   boss'   liquor   cabinet .   she   sighs   ,   golden locks   flipping   over   a   small   shoulder   as   she   leaves   the   bedroom   to   go   find   her   favorite   of   his   men.   not   only   does   he   never   make   an   attempt   to   ogle   her   while   eddie   isn't   looking   ,   but   he's   become   a   genuine   friend   in   the   time   that   cassie   has   spent   around   the   estate   so   far.   ❝   dominicccccc   ,   ❞   she   whines   ,   flopping   over   the   back   of   the   couch   on   which   she   finally   locates   him.   ❝   how   badly   do   you   want   to   take   me   to   get   a   slushee   right   now   ?   ❞

[byechristopher]

⠀

In Another Life.

– CHRIS STURNIOLO ANGST.

Author's note: omg hi, again. You'll soon find out how much I love angst, trauma and just "dark" fics. It's a way to express myself every once in a while. I hope you all like it, if you have any requests in mind, feel free to let me know. I will make it up to you all with some fluff, I promise, lol. Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: (not proof-read) this is pure angst, mentions of death, coping with death in general, trauma bonding. If any of this is triggering to you, do not read, please. Have a great day, instead.

Playlist:

It is only 6:00AM and I am up and running, ready to start my long day, although my sluggish gait says otherwise. I always loved waking up so early in the morning – it gave me time to start doing things when people were still sleeping. It is always a struggle to keep myself awake, though.

"I'm outside."

The screen lights up and I can see Chris' name from here – he must be outside already. I sigh and I quickly put my jacket and scarf on, not forgetting my boots, of course. With my bag in my hand, I quickly leave the house, trying to be as quiet as possible so that my mom doesn't wake up.

Chris is waiting in the car, I take a better look at my surroundings – the fog makes it hard for me to see, it's dark and it's cold, and the humidity makes it look like it rained.

"Hey, Chris. Thanks for picking me up." I mumble, he nods with an understanding look on his face. He's got that sickening purple colour under his eyes and his skin is even paler than usual. We match, he looks like a mess, too.

How couldn't he, anyway? It was a difficult day today. It's only been three years and how could we ever forget?

Me and Chris have known each other for a long time. Ever since we were babies – our families were very close. That was until my parents got divorced and we never saw my father ever again; made my mom isolate herself. My father came back one day, asking for forgiveness for leaving like this. Not from my mom, from me. I didn't want to trust him but I still talked to him every now and then. Now, Chris never really liked me and I never really liked him, it's not like we ever had an actual conversation. Before something terrible happened, to the both of us. On the same day. On the same plane. The plane crashed – my father happened to be there and Chris' best friend happened to be there.

We were both devastated so we found ourselves hanging out more than usual – is it called trauma bonding? I think so. That's what we did. Bonded over trauma. Because that's what we needed most; a person who knows and feels what we feel, who goes through the same experience. I don't think it was he healthiest thing to do, but who is really healthy inside on this earth?

"Give me, like.. fifteen minutes. I'll be back, okay?" he says and I give him a reassuring hug, pecking his cheek. I nod, watching him go visit his best friend's grave while I visit my father's.

"I can't believe it's already been three years since you've been gone." I chuckle, making sure everything is clean and the flowers are nicely put in the vase, "right when you were about to actually spend time with me, hm?" I can feel the tears in my eyes, and every time I speak, it's like I'm digging an invisible knife deeper into my heart.

I don't know how long it's been because I'm still cleaning and trying not to think about anything, but I see Chris walking over to me. It's so obvious that he's been crying, but he offers a smile anyway. His nose is red, it's kind of cute.

"You feeling okay?" he wraps an arm around my shoulders, giving me a reassuring squeeze. I nod.

"What did I always tell you? Everything happens for a reason." I chuckle, wiping the tears away from my eyes as we walk away, and towards the car.

"I used to hate hearing that. But I believe it now." he nods and clears his throat, "Connor believed it, too." it took him a while to say his best friend's name without crying. I told him that Connor wouldn't be happy to see him crying like this – that was the only way to make him stop.

"I gotta go to work, now. But we'll meet later, yes?" I say, wrapping my arms around his waist, looking up. The combination of the sky, his tears and his pale skin make his eyes go icy blue, I can't help but smile a little bit. He nods and cups my cheeks, bringing me closer to him to give me a soft kiss on the lips.

I'm not sure what me and Chris have going on. We definitely hang out a lot, we kiss, I basically have all of my stuff in his house, we have sex, but we've never said anything about relationship, or anything like that for that matter. We've been going through the most traumatic and difficult experience in our lives, so I feel like we desperately need the affection but we're the only ones who feel the same. So we just.. do stuff together. I try not to think about it too much.

I definitely not want to think about it when I'm in his arms. We're in front of the fireplace, sitting down on the carpet. I'm sitting in between his legs with my back pressed against his chest, and his arms wrap all the way around my shoulders and knees (that are pressed to my chest), keeping me warm.

"I'm so glad to have you here with me, being by my side on this horrible day, every year." he whispers in my ear and I close my eyes.

"So am I. You're making me feel like I'm not as alone as I thought I was." I whisper back and let my head fall on his shoulder, turning my head so that I'm able to look up at him. We sit in silence for a bit.

"I was thinking.. what you always say. Everything happens for a reason. What if.. what if all of this never happened? What if they were both still alive, what if our families kept being this close, what if we kept hating each other.. would we still find a way to be where we are now?" his voice is low and steady, I can see the fire moving in the reflection of his glistening eyes, "or was this tragedy meant to happen for us to find what we wanted in each other?"

I stay silent for a little bit. I've thought about this a million times and every time makes me go crazier than the previous one, "is love supposed to grow in souls and bodies that are filled with so much pain? Because if so, then it's nothing like what they taught us love would feel like."

"Do you think love is what we feel for each other?" he presses a kiss on my warm cheek.

"I don't know." I say truthfully, "I think that we both find shelter in each other's pain. We feel the need to be heard, to be understood, and then we want to hear the other, to understand their pain. To help each other, to be there whenever they might need, to care."

"Isn't that what love is?" he asks innocently, "in its most tragic form?" he looks me in the eyes and smiles softly.

"I suppose so.. yeah.." I say because, indeed, love could also bloom in shattered hearts, it doesn't always have to be flowers and rainbows, "and to answer your question.. I think I would definitely imagine myself loving you, without all of these." my voice is as soft as it can get.

"I would definitely fall in love with you, too." he says, looking into my eyes. And for a moment, I imagine us just like this. In a life where we would be happier. In a life where we would be able to love each other, without anything holding us back, in a life where we could keep the people that we wanted in our lives. In a life where we would have the space and time to express our feelings, understand our feelings.

"So, stay with me forever and even longer than that.." he says and I smile, leaving a trail of kisses on his neck, all the way up to his cheek and lips, "I might be able to become someone who loves you even in the good times."

"That's a promise, then. Because I'm definitely staying, till I'm ready to love you in the good times, too." I smile and slowly turn around to face him this time, wrapping both of my arms and legs around him, like a koala.

He laughs, he's hugging me and kissing me softly, "want me to make you some hot chocolate?"

"Yes, please."

⠀

[roalinda]

Snippet of the week

Tagged by @gracelesslady23 and @mycupofrum

This is a snippet of my supposed to be prongsfoot fest work which unfortunately went out of hand, so it probably will take longer to finish.

☆☆☆☆

"I'm going to take Harry to the Diagon Alley tomorrow." 

James remained silent, staring blindly out of the window. Not that Sirius expected an answer anyway. After last night's heavy argument and the hurtful words, James had chosen silent treatment approach, knowing full well that it would set the Black blood in Sirius' veins on fire. It has always been like this. Sirius would brutally tear James apart with his sharp tongue and James would retreat into himself like a petulant child who refused to utter a word unless he received his favourite toy. 

Usually, Sirius had a soft spot for that spoiled little boy in James, it was endearing, the way James pouted and frowned, chewing on his bottom lip nervously, ready to shy away any second.

But not today. 

If James thought he was going to take the bait, he was awfully mistaken. Eloquence and silence were mind games that Sirius was not fond of playing, especially not against James. But he had been raised in a household in which its Master's cold anger had been the epitome of silent treatment and its Mistress' hot temper could devour the world and burn it down in a blink of an eye. He could smoothly handle both if he wanted no matter how much it annoyed him.

He remained silent. The only sound was the pitter-patter of the rain outside and he kept sipping his tea calmly, waiting for the inevitable explosion and when it came, it was everything Sirius expected and some more, because not only James snapped, he practically roared his disapproval.

"No." 

"Does it sound like I am asking for permission, James?" Sirius' voice was incredibly soft and unnerving yet firm. 

"Of course not, since you had such a crucial role in siring him," James retorted sarcastically, hissing like an angry cat. 

"Maybe I should have had, because obviously Lily deserved better than a cowardly husband like you," snapped Sirius back, eyes shining like liquid mercury.

"How dare you?" James stood up, all fire and rage, a rage which had been locked away in him for years, a monster that had its teeth in his heart mercilessly.

"Shame of the Gryffindor House, that's what you are, James," said Sirius ruthlessly, cruel words aimed to cut. They did, a sharp knife straight to James' heart, a handful of salt on an ugly scar.

James' eyes burned. 

"And a liar to the woman you once loved. Haven't you promised Lily that no matter what, you'll always be there for Harry?" Sirius' voice shook, overwhelmed with emotions. 

He remembered the day Harry was born. He remembered Lily's small hand in his instead of in James' who was away on a mission, before they were informed of that infernal prophecy. He remembered Lily's expressive green eyes, strangely sober despite the pain she had been in and her soft smile as Harry was placed against her bosom. It was Sirius who had seen how she had bloomed from a woman into a mother in less than a second like a surreal dream, not James. James had not seen the fierce look she had on her face, as if she wanted her son to have everything in the world, no matter the price. 

And that everything consisted of magic. 

Sirius would be damned before he allowed James' doubts and fears ruin Harry's magical life. 

☆☆☆☆

Open tag ♡

[howaerds-a]

❝   my  thirsty  ass  was  going   to   offer   to   buy   you   one   ,   but   now   it's   rethinking the  decision   ,   ❞   cassie   taunts   ,   popping   up   from   the   couch   and   trailing   along   after   the   hitman.   the   entire   ride   to   the   gas   station   she   babbles   his   ear   off   ,   chatting   about   celebrity   drama   and   the   tv   shows   she's   watching   -   and   asking  questions   she   has   about   the   life   she's   gradually   becoming   accustomed   to.   ❝   so   why   do   i   need   a   babysitter   to   go   three   blocks   ,   again   ?   ❞   she   kicks   her   feet   up   onto   the   dash   ,   watching   the   scenery   pass   through   a   tinted   window .

⸻ DOMINIC SNORTED SOFTLY TO HIMSELF, BUT DROPPED A PLATONIC KISS TO THE SIDE OF THE BLONDE'S HEAD. no matter what jokes he said about cassie being an annoyance to him, he truly saw her as a sister. as someone that he wanted to put a bullet through someone for. someone that he would throw himself in front of if it came down to needing to. do whatever the fuck he needed to in order to make sure she was safe. keep her content and happy with eddie being his best friend. he eventually finished proof reading the bullet point he'd been working on before he shut the laptop cover and stood up. "alright, thirty minutes, cass. move your thirsty ass so we can get back. maybe i'll let you have the aux this time, too."

[howaerds-a]

✿ . . . dominic

pre - established relationship meme

bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP .     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

ROMANCE .     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other 

FAMILIAL .     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other

ANTAGONISTIC .     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other 

[howaerds-a]

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 : 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 𝐱 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐜 . ( @m0bhit ) send me 🗣️ for incorrect quotes of your muse and mine .

-- 𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘢��� 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 / 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 --

[howaerds-a]

𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 𝐱 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐜 . ( @m0bhit ) send a 📸 to see 3-5 pictures that my muse has/has taken of your muse(s)

-- 𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 / 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 --

[howaerds-a]

a  childlike  pout   twists   her   countenance   ,   followed   by   a   squeal   of   laughter   as   the   blonde   gracelessly   fumbles   her   way   down   the   couch   to   drop   her   chin   onto   dominic's   shoulder.   ❝   maddy's  busy   ,   ❞   she   sighs   ,   squinting   at   the   screen   for   a   few   moments   -   before   coming   to   the   conclusion   that   as   usual   ,   she   has   no   idea   what   any   of   it   means.   it's   important   ,   she   knows   that   much   ;   but   so   is   her   slushee.   ❝   this   looks   so   boring   ,   can't   you   take   a   break   for   like   twenty   minutes   to   come   with   me   to   the   gas   station   ?   i   don't   want   to   ask   marco   ;   caught   him   staring   at   my   ass   last   time   he   took   me   somewhere   one   on   one.   ❞   

dominic's fingers rubbed over his lips while he scrolled over eddie's plans for an upcoming shipment. he was on cassie detail as it had been dubbed by eddie. ever since the mob boss decided to find out the fact he had a heart somewhere in his chest cavity   . . .   it put a huge target on cassie's back. especially with the fact that eddie had been growing and rising rapidly over the past few months. earning more enemies tha he had ever had since being scooped up by a mob boss at just eighteen. he had been trying to fix any flaws he saw in the plan so eddie, him and another of eddie's men, luca, could get in and out of the deal without any injury. to them. his eyes just barely grazed at cassie, the beautiful blonde girl becoming more of like a baby sister to him than anything else. "not at all," he said in his usual chillness, jade eyes going back to the laptop screen. his fingers starting to type in one of the dotted points to fix it up for eddie. "don't you have a friend you can sneak over or something?"

[howaerds-a]

her psyche is  immediately overrun   with   guilt   ;   while   cassie   has   begun   to   acclimate   to   mob life   ,   it's   still   difficult   for   the   young   woman   to   directly   influence   the   taking   of   a   life.   her   head   pivots   ,   cheek   replacing   chin   atop   dominic's   shoulder   for   just   a   moment   before   she   pulls   back   to   return   the   full   use   of   his   arms .   ❝   i   suppose   i   could   allow   you   to   finish   just   this   one   ,   ❞   she   answers   with   a   cadence   of   feigned  solemnity   ,   a   soft   exhale   vibrating   her   pout.   the light returns   to   her   countenance   as   she   teases   him   ,   lips   twisting   into   a   vainglorious   smirk .   ❝   as   long   as   you're   keeping   my   man   safe   i'll   use   all   my   patience   to   get   through   this   horrible   thirst .   for   a   few minutes   ,   anyway.   ❞

⸻ DOMINC'S EYES ROLL FONDLY AT THE BLONDE GIRL, but they barely even move to look back at her again. the age gap was actually sometimes forgotten about until moments like this. moments where he realized that she really was just a girl that was still growing and had fun with life. unlike the men she'd decided to surround herself with who all had too much shit happen to them to be as carefree as she was. sometimes he missed the way things were before he had to grow up. "it may look boring to you, cass, but it's important shit for eddie," he reminded her, shooting her a look. there was a lot about this life that cassie didn't understand or know. and, in a lot of ways, dominic really hoped she didn't have to learn about any of it. it wasn't exactly a fun or easy lesson to go through. "besides, you couldn't ask marco anyways. eddie dealt with him and he's gone. luca told eddie about it when you guys got back home the other night," he breezily added, like saying that was talking about the weather. though, the hit man did release a breath and gestured to the screen. "can i just finish this one bullet point? then you get thirty minutes. that's it, cass. i'm serious, i need to finish this before eddie gets back."