#ælita

[raatopaikka]

A little doodle from a 2015 sketchbook, inspired by Björn Dixgård and his fantastic outfit from Mando Diao's Ælita tour, as seen on:

[thankswedenformandodiao]

i made this isn't it amazing, i'm gonna do more

[sommertagshimmelblau]

Ælita = gayest album

Romeo: all of it

Money Doesn't Make You A Man: Dandy Juliet

Money doesn't make you a man

Love Lasts Forever: Fly home little pigeon over troublesome sea

I'll be on the other side

Waiting forever, heart full of hope

Oceans in my eyes

aelita has gay vibes i said what i said

[asystemofvibrantcolors]

So, since last tuesday, I’ve been having a pretty bad time. The body is awful, it hurts whatever I do. And plenty of other issues that I probably don’t want to describe in details. Well.

One bigger issue is that, uh... I’ve been fronting for this entire time. The switches are gone. The headspace is gone. It’s dead silent here.

I see myself going outside yesterday... “Hey, these are cool flowers, Lyssa will... oh.” ; or when arriving at the grocery store, I realize that I have to do the groceries myself. No switch in from Ælita. It seemed like there was plenty of new stuff at the grocery store, they moved all the products around... It took a while but I figured it out. Luckily there was no one, since there’s a 3% sale tomorrow.

But like, time is so slow. I am always here, I am used to see days just jump by. But here it’s been an eternity. I don’t know if we somehow reintegrated, or if they went dormant, or if something bad happened. Perhaps have I been cut back like during late childhood?

What do I do with our name? What do I do with the project we had to draw all the alters? What do I do with people who know us as a system, or who know Lyssa in particular, or with Dalada’s crafting box? What do I say to the psychologist tomorrow? 

I am really scared. I can’t get things done just alone, I need them to at least be there, to help, or to remind me, or to be happy when I do something. To avoid shutdown situations, too... ~ Iris

[dieclickenhufenheirbbsaft]

[poesiademaria]

Ordered a limited edit. Signed #ÆLITA 4 months before the release date. #mandodiao #gustafnorén #björndixgård #blacksaturday #infruset

[thankswedenformandodiao]

if romeo is not the most intense song by mando diao then i don't know what is

[asystemofvibrantcolors]

So today has been a day, I suppose. Normally I am the one who wakes up in the morning, and I just follow my routine, looking up VoDs of people streaming during the late night.

Today, someone had done the dishes before I woke up. They even washed themself in the sink, judging by the water everywhere. I observed in Pluralkit's data that Ælita woke up at... around 5am... and seemingly just did that before going back to bed.

Later, there was a speech presentation we needed to do for University. "Analysis of Work", that work that has been panic due to the need of finding someone to interview. Well, it did not go too well.

First, the teachers were veeeery late. We were supposed to be at 4:20pm (of course), and instead passed at... 6pm. Yeah, that late, and we were just sitting in the Teams meeting the entire time. Even got a notice about us spinning around.

Most of the issues came after. "Your voice is the most monotonous I ever heard." ; "You have a really impressive attention to detail no other student had." ; "You are the only one who explains this concept that way. It is correct, but it is not what we saw in class." ; "What is so scary about looking a bit at the camera?" ; "You are the only student I have ever seen to need to translate from english to their native language." ; "Only you refused to use the colors we suggested." ; only us, only us, only us.

For a large part of it, I wish I could just answer 'That's due to ASD, despite me trying.' We don't have that diagnosis, the process of getting it is... long... and we took way too many years to even figure out it maybe was that. "We don't have it that bad", or "I'd be good at math if it was that LOL". I regret we have such narrow interests, and are so afraid, that we are here.

Well, we have a psych who seems convinced, now. At 22. It should have been like 10 years earlier at least.

Instead I am sitting there in front of the teacher, with all these remarks. "I am the only one", every single sentence. That isn't even everything.

Turns out the assistant of the teacher asked if we 'did have an issue, psychologically talking'. Should we have said we think we have DID and ASD? We think we have?

What do you do, when school becomes more of a social interaction rather than just learning, and whatever you do fails and attracts attention? How do you explain why you didn't look for help, or even didn't know, before?

Add to this the irony we study psychology. We do know "what's wrong", but self-diagnosing is not a good idea in these conditions. Especially in front of psychology teachers.

For the record, we just said we had "bad amnesia". It dodged a few questions about the making of the work, and I have to admit I don't recall how it went. And I am the one doing this type of work.

Oh yeah, uneelated, but we got our first new alter of 2021. They are so rare compared to other systems we see around. This one is kinda scary right now, but Dalada likes him so. See how it goes.

~ Lyssa

[thankswedenformandodiao]

DUDES WTF:Ddd from their new album "good times" which is

a lot better

than ælita

dude what made you write that

[thankswedenformandodiao]

"Child, I'm with you, all of the time"

child by mando diao