#|| ruDE OF YOU TO NAIL HER THAT BAD IN LIKE 2 SENTENCES

[thoughtsandbones]

Ιf eyes could kill

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!MedicDoc OC (codename: Blue) 💀💙

WARNINGS: Mention of alcohol, war, misogyny, sexism, racism, profanity, medical inaccuracies and just getting the POV of our friendly neighbourhood masked menace.

Plot: Doctor Ruhari Hari Kaur (OC is South Asian ☺️) joins the 141 again, but this time as their doctor. After the betrayal of Shepherd and Graves, Task Force 141 begins their hunt on his whereabouts and locating Makarov.

PLEASE reblog and like! Hope folks are enjoying the series, I am building up characters and plots, cos I have a lot ideas and just been enjoying writing :D

Song inspo: Deep - Nine Inch Nails and The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails

A/N: Flashbacks are getting messed up when I am indenting them and I am getting lots of errors when publishing the work, please bare with some mistakes and spelling issues.

RAMC - Royal Army Medical Corps

I grew up with the OG MW2 game, so there are some references to the old one, so kind of a mix of both the OG and the new timeline... (Also I'm ignoring the OG Shepherd betrayal and keeping in line the one with the new timeline..)

All rights reserved to the rightful owners of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.

spelling and some grammar mistakes as I am bad at times... :/

(FYI: bold sentences... that are like this... are supposed to describe redacted data/info to the plot... ;] .. )

Please do let me know how you all are finding this fanfic! :D

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6 and PART 7

Part 8

With both arms you push the doors leading out of the OR open letting out a loud sigh, untying your pink flamingo scrub cap and holding onto it, squeezing it within your fist. The surgery was of course a success, a simple appendectomy done in 45 minutes. The take out the pins holding your two french braids up in a bun, letting the braids fall against your back.

Yet you felt on edge. This doesn't normally happen. The irritability bubbling under your skin.

"No need to show off" Dr Jones commented when your were stitching the incision, using your preferred lock-stitch method.

That comment, along with the various other comments before, throughout and at the end of the surgery rattled you.

"Thought you'd be one of the nurses" whilst scrubbing in

"Hm wouldn't have done it that way" Αs you delved into the lower abdomen

"Do Indians chose any other career than medicine or IT?" He said post op.

The rudeness. The sheer audacity. If this was Royal Foxham Hospital, you would've snapped back at him the moment he made the first comment. But no, you didn't have the same reputation as you had back there. Here, you were just a liaison doctor begging to be a part of any surgery again.

General surgery wasn't your area of expertise. Neurosurgery was your arena. Another 4 more years, you'd be a consultant and flying solo.

But that didn't happen. Past trauma caught up to you, and crept back in your life and you dealt with it badly. Bad decisions that nearly lost your career.

Coming back to the 141 and retaining your medical licence was honestly a blessing.

You walk around the building where most of RAMC is based. Trying to calm yourself down. But those comments kept stirring in your head.

"Hey Dr Kaur" a sweet voice called out to you. You turn around and stop your aimless wondering. It was one of the nurses, Clarissa, the pink scrubs making her dark skin more radiant.

"Hey" You say weakly, giving a half-hearted smile leaning back on the wall hands behind your back.

"Look, I want to say sorry about Dr Jones earlier" She says, giving you a sympathetic smile.

"No, don't apologies for him" You say slyly. "Is he always.." you trail off

"Such a pompous ass?" She adds

"Fucking prick is what I would've gone with" You retort. Both of you laugh.

You check your watch, it was nearly 11:30 am and you had to get back to the infirmary.

"It was nice working with you" Clarissa says noting your concerned face as you checked the watch. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay?" she added

"Likewise, you were really good, and I am fine, don't worry" You reply back

Clarissa smiled, turning the around and you watch her walk away, her black braids swinging side to side against her shoulders.

You bang your head lightly against the wall and shake your head. The reminder of Dr Jones brought your irritability to a simmer.

Walking back to Building 2, you run into Gaz who was out on a jog, wearing a shorts and a grey shirt that was seeped in his sweat. He took off his headphones and nodded towards you.

"Morning Doc" he says catching up to you.

You turn to him and smiled slightly.

"Morning Gaz, how are you?" You ask

"Not bad, sweating off the alcohol from last night" He says, panting slightly.

You chuckle briefly, you remember the events of last night.

"No Soap with you?" You ask brightly

"When I swung by his room, he was throwing up in his sink, poor lad didn't make it to the toilet in time" Gaz chuckled

You laughed along with him.

"How was surgery?" Gaz asked you, turning to face you as you both approached Building 2.

"It was... good." You say slowly, pondering at the thought of whether he would want to know the drama or could you be bothered to tell the story and then get further worked up.

Spiralling in your thoughts again you think to yourself.

"Yeah?" Gaz says, looking at you.

"Yes, sorry, brain is fried" You sighed, bringing your hand up scratching your head.

"It's alright" Gaz says turning away from you, smiling.

Both of you head into Building 2, Gaz bids you are farewell as he goes to his room. You head to the infirmary and take the key out of your pocket, unlocking the door and taking off the OUT OF OFFICE sign off that you put up earlier.

Walking in, you take in the organised, clean and silent infirmary. No one is here to judge you. Just you. Strolling over to the desk, place the sign near your laptop, you sit down, leaning back into the chair and placed your feet near the edge of the desk. Tilting your head back, sinking into the silence.

The silence was broken as Captain Price waltzed in with an injured soldier on his back crying "My ankle" and "It's broken"

You quickly sit up and walk over to Price. Doctor mode activated.

"What happened?" You ask abruptly helping the marine over to the med bed with Price. You head over to the sink in the bathroom, wash and dry you hands and then grabbed a pair of gloves as Price struggled to lie the marine 's back down on the bed.

"Michaels here landed badly on his ankle when climbing over the climbing wall" Snapping the gloves on, you flex your fingers and then head to the ankle.

"It's broken" Michaels continues to whine.

Your patience already wearing thin, you gave him a stern look as he wailed at the other end of the bed. Price was trying to calm him down, but nearly snorted with laughter as he saw your face of disgust.

"If it was broken you wouldn't be able to wiggle your foot as much as you are right now" You huffed. Gently pressing the area, examining it. It was swollen.

Need ice, but could also maybe a hairline fracture... You think

Applying slight pressure to one area on the inner ankle Michaels lets out a loud yelp. You look up to Price.

"Going to call RAMC to come over and take you for an X-ray" You say aloud. Price nodded.

Michaels whined even louder.

"Calm down lad" Price shouted, Michaels stopped and looked teary eyed at Price.

Heading over to the phone you call the folks over at RAMC. To be honest you were at a lost all of a sudden. You hadn't dealt with broken feet in years, and you went over the basics in your head:

Blood, no. Visible deformity, no. Bruising of the skin, yes slightly... He was able to move his foot. But you had to be sure. X-ray to be sure.

Once off the phone, you headed over to Michaels, grabbing and crushing an instant ice-pack, then placed it on his ankle, keeping the leg elevated. Going over the basics again.

You felt your heart rate getting high, a slight tremble in your hand.

Pull it together you thought to yourself, burrowing your brows further and shaking your head. Price now seated next to Michaels watching over you.

Fifteen minutes later two medics arrive with a wheelchair to the infirmary, you help Price as he gets Michaels into the wheelchair, the ice pack dropped, and you bend down and grab it, placing it back on his ankle, securing it with a bit of medical tape.

"Thank you" you say to the two medics "Please keep me updated" you add, they nod back at you and Price and walked out.

"Cheers Blue" Price says "That was eventful" he adds chuckling slightly.

"Yeah" you sigh. "Just had to be sure, wasn't sure if it was a hairline fracture..." you mumble

"Your call Blue" Price says affirmingly and giving you a smile

You weakly smile back. Brows were still furrowed.

"Other than that, how was your day Captain?" You ask Price, trying to swiftly break the tension that loomed.

"Good!" He said exhaling deeply, trying to ignore the abysmal conversation he had with Ghost earlier. "Next task is to locate Soap!" He chuckles, shaking his head.

"Yes, Gaz said he was lurking round his sink, feeling the effects of last night" You say, slightly laughing.

"About last night.." Price begins, stepping towards you, eyes now full of concern and caution.

"Don't worry about it Captain, told you sambuca was vile." You say slyly.

"He's a boisterous lad, and it was amusing to see his drunken self"

"Yeah..." You drifted off, not making any eye contact with him.

Price takes in your dejected face. Something, perhaps someone, is bothering you.

"I believe its time for lunch, let's go grab some Blue" He says, gesturing you out the door.

Both of you leave the infirmary, at was 12:30pm, and you had breakfast at 7am.

Of course you're feeling low! Lack of sugar idiot You think, scolding yourself as you lock the infirmary and sticking up the OUT OF OFFICE sign again.

"Let's check on Soap first" Price says looking at you. You nod back following his lead.

Price leads the way as you both walk towards the door of Soap's bedroom. After knocking several times, there was no answer.

"I hope he hasn't choked on his own vomit" Price sighs, then turns to look at you. You raise your eyebrows at him

"Do you have a master key?" You ask

"No, I do not" Price replied sighing again.

Price banged one more time, the door shook.

"Soap, open up" Price said aloud.

Still no answer.

"Perhaps he's in the mess hall getting food?" You suggest

"Perhaps" Price says, looking at you and then back at the door to Soap's room. "Let's go then" Price added

You follow his lead as you both make your way down to the mess hall. It was busy, with it being lunch. You watch and follow Price, he made his way through the mess hall, soldiers making room for him and veering off from their paths that Price was heading down, stopping to nod and say hello to Captain Price, you watch from behind him, he nods his head to soldiers that say hello to him.

Near the end of the mess hall, you spot Gaz and a very hungover Soap, who was holding and nursing his head with his hands, scratching the back of his mohawk with his fingers. Price spots them, as makes his way over, looking over his right shoulder making sure you are still behind him.

Price heads over to Soap, and leans down next to him

"How's the head today?" Price whispers in his left ear, chuckling slightly.

Gaz laughs. Soap lifts his head up and groans.

"Awful" He moans "Didn't realise I would be feeling this bad" He added

Price sits down next to Soap, you go round the table sitting opposite Gaz, Soap and Price.

"Have you drunk enough water today?" You ask

"Aye" Soap says groaning, making eye contact with you.

"Taken any medicine?" You ask

"Aye, took some paracetamol about an hour ago" Soap responded

"Must keep drinking water, your brain is dehydrated" You say to him

Soap nods along, returning his head in his hands. Gaz snickered as he continued to eat his food.

"Blue, you want the lasagna?" Price asked

"Er, yeah, I'll come with" You say getting up

"Don't worry, I've got it for you" Price said smiling and gave you a wink.

"Thank you sir"

You sit back in the chair. Leaning your head back and staring at the ceiling.

Ghost walked into the mess hall. He had already eaten in the private kitchenette the 141 had next to Price's office. It was only ever him or Price that would use it. Gaz and Soap said they preferred the hustle and bustle of the mess hall. But he later found out that Price had banned them after they had once made a mess and damaged Price's expensive coffee machine.

He saw Price in the queue for getting food and went over to him.

"How's Michaels?" He asked

Price turned to look at him.

"He'll live. Blue thinks he may have a hairline fracture so was sent over to RAMC for an X-ray"

Ghost nods

"Seen Soap yet?" Ghost asks

Price chuckles

"Yeah, muppet is nursing a bag hangover" Price says, gesturing with his head to the back of the mess hall.

Ghost turned his head and spotted Gaz, Soap and you. You were shaking your head at Soap as he was running his hands over his head.

"Here, grab a tray for me" Price told Ghost

"Already ate Price" Ghost responded who now was a part of the queue to grab lunch as soldiers queued up behind him.

"For me you muppet. I'm getting Blue her food" Price said rolling his eyes as he passed a tray over to Ghost and grabbed another for himself.

"Why?" Ghost asked

"Something is up with her..." Price says slowly as he continues to stare at the food that was in front of him.

"Do you know what?"

"Maybe it's because you haven't told her who you are yet?" Price says, looking back at Ghost with a smirk.

Ghost was taken aback.

"Did you tell her?" Ghost questioned

"I told you, I'm not going to do it. You need to." Price chuckled.

Ghost looked over at the table where you sat with Gaz and Soap. Your head leaning back, eyes closed. Price was right, even from afar, you seemed on edge.

"Do you think it's what Soap said last night?" Ghost asked

Price moved along as the queue moved, Ghost followed, still holding the tray.

"Not sure." Price answered.

"What can I get you?" The staff member asked behind the food counter.

"Two lasagna's please, one with chips" Price said

Ghost grabbed the plate with the chips and placed it on the tray. He followed Price over to the fridge and took the bottle of water that was handed to him. He then made his way to the table where the other three were.

"Here you go Blue" Price said as he set the tray with the lasagna down in front of you and placing the water upright on the tray.

"Thank you very much sir" You say, giving him a slight smile, but brows still furrowed.

Price sat next to you, and Ghost joined, giving Price his tray. He sat by Soap, he looked at you. You were staring at your lasagna, not happy clearly. Something, or even someone had pissed you off.

"How's the head Johnny?" Ghost asked turning his attention to him.

"Awful Lt." Soap responded.

"You need to drink water, haven't seen you take a sip since I got here" You say, cutting up your lasagna, not making any eye contact.

"Aye, I'll grab some" Soap says, getting up and moving to the water tank behind them and grabbing a cup of water.

You look up and watch Soap drink the water, he refilled it and took another gulp. In the corner of your eye you see Dr Jones storm into the mess hall, your eyes met his, he marched over to you. Soap walked over back to the table and sat back down.

"Great" you muttered. Price looked at you whilst he took a bite of lunch, and then looked in the same direction you were looking at.

"Dr Kaur!" Dr Jones yelled

Gaz, Soap, and Ghost turned their heads to the direction of where that yell came from.

"Do you really think it is appropriate to send off an injured marine with just a sprain to us?" Dr Jones squealed "Not only are your skills in surgery lacking, but also in treating simple ailments" he hissed.

Dr Jones was now right beside you, still wearing the same blue scrubs, similar to yours, as he towered over you.

The blood coursing through you was boiling, you felt like every nerve was sizzling with anger. Taking a deep breathe in through the nose, holding for four... You get up and stand face to face with Dr Jones. Exhaling for four.

Price, Ghost, Soap and Gaz looked on at you. The contempt and hate seeping out of your eyes.

"I do not currently have an X-ray machine in the infirmary." You begin, voice steady, calm, yet with sly undertone of spite. "The patient jumped over and landed poorly from a 8ft climbing wall. The damage of that impact could've been fatal" You added, your eyes piercing into his.

The chatter in the mess hall died down slightly, soldiers began averting their gaze from their food to the confrontation occurring before them.

Price looked on at you, impressed with your calm yet calculated demeanour. A smirk appeared across his face, continued to watch you, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned slightly back to carry one watching.

Dr Jones stared back at you, stunned, you could've sworn his bottom lip quivered slightly.

"Additionally, I am a liaison doctor for the RAMC, my commanding officer is Captain Price, and he also agreed with my decision to send off the patient to you." You continued

Dr Jones mouth was open. Eyes still wide.

"I er.." He started, stumbling over his words

"Yes, it may have just been a sprain, however, there is no harm in double checking. After all, is it not the duty of the Royal Army Medical Corps to assist in any injury that any soldier gets?" You ask

"We- Well yes." Dr Jones stammers, the tips of his ears turning red, he looks around him and sees that all eyes in the mess hall are on him as well as you.

Ghost continued to look at you, your stern face locked in as you dragged Dr Jones. Your eyes still piercing the man whose face was turning red like a tomato.

"Good. Do not ever underestimate my decisions as a doctor unless you have a valid reason to. My skills in surgery are not lacking, just because I have a preferred method of stitching does not make me any less capable than you." You say bluntly. "That is all I have to say on the matter." You add.

You give him one final glare, ensuring he took the message in and sit back down to savour and enjoy the rest of your lunch.

Dr Jones began to retreat until Price spoke

"I believe you owe Dr Kaur an apology Dr Jones" Price said now looking at Dr Jones with a look of disdain.

"My apologies doctor" Dr Jones said through gritted teeth, his face now fully red.

You look back up to Dr Jones and nod back at him and then turn back to your food. Dr Jones walked off, the eyes of the mess hall trailing him as he left the door. The chatter began to increase after witnessing the alteration between the two doctors.

"Steamin' Jesus Doc" Soap says breaking the silence of the table. "That look in your eyes nearly took me out" He added laughing.

You look up briefly at him, smirking and then shrugged your shoulders.

"Honestly thought you would knock 'im out" Price exclaimed

"Not a chance" You scoffed

The anger with in you still stirred, you honestly did feel like punching him. You wanted to beat the living shit out of him. But you couldn't do that. You couldn't fuck up again. Aimlessly prodding at your half-eaten lasagna your appetite was now lost. The grip on the fork was strong, you just wanted to stab something. Or somone.

"It was impressive how you handled him Hari" Gaz said, after he took a sip of his water.

"Aye, do not want to ever piss you off" Soap says chuckling, looking at you and then to Gaz.

You look up, face still stern, eyes narrowed. You run your tongue over your teeth.

"Not only are your skills in surgery lacking, but also in treating simple ailments"

That comment rang through your head the loudest.

"You turned 'im into a blushing bride" Soap said, reaching his left arm over and tapping your on the shoulder. You look up at Soap not smiling.

Soap felt a tinge of embarrassment strike him as you gave him that same look. Before he could say anything you got up.

"I'm heading off to the training room" You say bluntly, eyes still cold. "Page me if you need anything" You add, looking at Price

Price nods at you.

"Shit, what did I do?" Soap asked as he watched you walk away.

Price and Gaz chuckle, Ghost looked at Soap and then towards you as you emptied your tray and left the mess hall.

"Clearly you don't remember last night" Ghost said

"What happened last night?!" Soap exclaimed turning to Price and Gaz.

Gaz and Price filled Soap in with the events of last night. The drunk comments he made. Soap turned red as Gaz kept going on about how he asked if you had a fella back home, and was literally sobbing at the fact you had a female ex lover.

"And you got my jacket wet" Ghost added

"Ah Jesus" Soap exclaimed, burying his flushed head in his hands.

Price's phone rang, he picked up it.

"Hello" He said

"I honestly do not remember that." Soap said "You don't think she thinks I'm like... homophobic...?" Soap whispered to Gaz

"Unlikely mate" Gaz said, patting Soap on the shoulder.

"Right, I'll send Ghost over" Price said and hung up.

Ghost looked over to Price, concern in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Ghost asks.

"Nothing. Blue wants to use the training room, and needs a CO to sign out the guns and needs supervision" Price said

Ghost sighed. Why him? This would make icing her out even harder.

"I'm on lunch, and seeing as though you already ate, you can go and supervise" Price said, as though he could read his mind.

"Yes sir" Ghost said, he got up and left the mess hall.

He made his way out of Building 2 and down the the training ground.

Being in close proximity to you, making it harder to avoid you. 'Specially since you were their doctor. Ghost thought.

Ηe walked in, and saw you standing by the reception area tapping your foot against the hardwood floor. You had changed out of your blue scrubs, and wore black fatigues and baggy black top that was tucked in paired with black combat boots. Your hair still in two french braids.

"Lieutenant" You say nodding your head

"Doc" He said, giving you a slight nod back.

"She wants to use training course, but she's not active duty." The man behind reception said to Ghost.

"Doc is part of the 141, so she's allowed to use the trainin' course" Ghost responded bluntly.

"Has she handled a weapon before?" The man asked Ghost

"She has." You answer

Ghost smirked under his mask as he grabbed a pen on the desk and moved towards the man behind the counter. He turned towards you.

"What course you wanna run?" He asks

"Target course 4. Two USP pistols and a knife, serrated is preferred." You say without hesitation.

Ghost raises a brow, he was slightly impressed.

"You heard her" Ghost said, turning back.

The man handed Ghost a form to sign as he went out back to retrieve the weapons. He looked over at you, you remained stoic, staring at Ghost.

"Goin' to have to supervise you." He said "That alrigh'" He asked

"Of course sir" You say

"Need you to sign here Doc" Ghost said, handing you the pen. You walk over to Ghost and take the pen and scribble your name. Ghost looked down as you signed your name: Dr Hari Kaur

The man came back with your weapons, 6 magazines and a magazine holder.

"These are live ammunitions" He said

"I know" You said "I also need a two gun holster with a belt, along with one for a knife please" You say

The man looks at you bewildered. He then looks at Ghost, who stared right back at him. He returned to the store room.

"You know what to do?" Ghost asks

"Yes sir" You say.

Ghost observed you as you inspected the pistols.

"Still allowed to play music?" You ask Ghost turning to look at him.

"Can do. What you wanna listen to?" Ghost asks

"Du Hast, Rammstein" You say and Ghost nodded.

The man returned with your holsters. Ghost watched as you looped the belt with the magazine holder through the hoops of your trousers and then attached the holsters, placing the guns in them. The knife holster was then attached to the back of the belt, you slid the knife in. Ghost handed you safety goggles and ear plugs. You took them and put them on.

"Ready?"

"Ready sir" You say

"Doc has requested music, I'll come back once I've shown her the course and will be in the box" Ghost said to the man who nodded his head as he signed off the form.

Ghost walked off and you followed behind. He opened the door to the course and stood by the door.

"Targets will pop up as you approach, knife 'em or shoot 'em, your choice, but remember, you are dealin' with live ammo, so be careful" He says "Check your corners" He adds.

"Yes sir" You say, eyeing the course, mapping out possible routes in your head. It has been years, but here's hoping that you still take these targets down.

"I'll start the music and let you know when to go, I'll be watchin' from the box" Ghost said as he points up to the little box overlooking the course. You follow where is finger is pointing.

"Thank you sir" You say returning your gaze to the course.

Ghost made his way up the stairs to the box where another soldier was.

"Lieutenant" He said getting up and saluting.

"At ease" He gruffs.

He walks over the control panel, and takes his phone out, loading up the song you wanted and grabbed the aux cord, connecting it to the phone.

He watches you, you look up at him in the box. He nods his head and you nod back and turned away, grabbing the knife from your holster and closed your eyes, rolling your neck around, inhaling through your nose and out your mouth. You got into your stance, feet planted in the ground firmly.

Ghost presses the mic button, his voice boomed over the Tannoy system. The soldier flinched but you didn't.

"Ready in 3, 2, 1" He said and pressed play. He watched eagerly as you walked quickly into the course.

The loud music boomed over the speakers. The first target popped up on your left, you knifed it with great force.

From the holster you take out the left pistol and clicking it, turning round to the right, two targets pop up.

*BANG* *BANG* You shoot them down. You crouch down, checking the corners and above you. You get up and two targets come towards you, you run towards them, shooting one and knifing the other.

Ghost continued to look down, his arms across his chest, nodding his head slightly to the music, he watched as you took down the targets, checking corners and doing a press check on your pistol.

Good He thought to himself.

You got up, and then jumped over a block, a target came up and you slid across the ground, taking a shot. Returning the knife to the holster, you grab your other gun, clicking it. Three targets come up, one running straight towards you, with both pistols in hand you shoot them down. Finding cover, you check your ammo. Eight rounds in your left and fourteen in your right pistol.

Getting back up, you crouch down walking around the obstacles, three targets pop up, you shoot them down as soon as they appeared.

"She's good" The soldier said in the box with Ghost.

"Hmm" Ghost said, keeping his eyes focused on you. You placed both guns back in the holster, taking your knife out. He watched on as you ran up to a target and knifed it, another target popped up behind you and he saw you take out your left pistol shooting it. Walking forwards, three more targets pop and and you shoot and knife them down.

You were approaching the end of the course, the song stopped, but you carried on. Ghost quickly picked up his phone and played another song by Rammstein, Sonne.

He watched as you shot down more targets, you had returned your knife to its holster and were now reloading the magazine in your left pistol. You approached the last four targets with both pistols drawn, and ran towards them shooting them down, your face scrunched up in anger and determination as you took another two shots at the target that wouldn't go down. You had finished the course.

Ghost stopped the music and pressed the mic button.

"Good practise, I'll meet you there" He says, you look up and nod, unloading the pistols.

Ghost walked down, and you walked towards him. You seemed more relaxed, brows no longer furrowed.

"Feeling better?" He asked

You smirk at him

"Much better" You respond

Both of you walk back over to reception. You hand in the full magazines.

"Grab the cleaning gear for us" Ghost said to the man. He nods and heads into the storeroom again.

"You remember how to clean a gun?" He asked you.

"Somewhat" You reply

"I'll show you, hand me one of your pistols" He said, raising his left hand out towards you.

You double check the gun is empty, opening the chamber, looking down the barrel, and then handed it to Ghost. He was taken aback.

"Well done, most recruits don't even check that" Ghost said.

You smile at him.

"My old sergeant taught me well. He would've probably shot me if I gave a gun to him with a round still in it." You say staring right at Ghost, smirking slightly.

Ghost felt a cold wave go through his body. Your old sergeant... You meant him He thought

Ghost cleared his throat "Good that you remembered"

You smile back him, staring right at him in those blue eyes.

The man brought the cleaning kit out and Ghost took ahold of it.

"Let's go to the garage" He said. You followed him, he held the door open for you and gestured you to walk ahead.

Surely she can't know. He pondered. Price wouldn't have told her, Soap couldn't of. No one else on base knew who he really was.

Both entering the garage, Ghost went over to an empty table. You sat down, looking at him still.

Ghost took a seat opposite you, he began to explain the correct way of cleaning a gun, you follow each of his commands, watching what he was doing, from disassembling the pistol, lubricating the action part and then to reassembling the pistol.

He watched as you followed his instructions.

"He would've probably shot me if I gave a gun to him with a round still in it."

Ghost smirked under his mask at what you said. It was slightly true. He knew he would've said something sarcastic back then to them.

He wondered if you knew it was him sitting right in front of him... He could just do it right now though. Rip his mask off and say "Surprise, it's me again" but he couldn't.

The garage door opened both Ghost and you looked up, Price walked in and headed in their direction.

"How was it?" He asked as he stood near you.

"Good" You say

Price turned to Ghost "What was her time?"

"5 minutes 48 seconds. She did very well." Ghost said looking at you, he watches as you smile, continuing to clean your gun.

"Not bad" Price said nodding his head. "Might have to speak to Laswell and see if we can get you active duty status"

You look up, a glee took over your face

"Really?!" You say smiling wildly

Ghost looked cautiously at Price and then at you. What is he thinking?

"Yeah" Price said

"She's not SAS." Ghost said sharply. You turn to look at Ghost, the smile disappearing.

"Women are now allowed to join aren't they?" You retort looking at Price and then at Ghost

"They are yes" Price said looking wearily at Ghost and then back at you.

"No." Ghost said bluntly. I cannot have you in the field. On missions.

"Why?" You say, eyes now focusing on Ghost.

Ghost looked at you. Eyebrows furrowed again, watching him, awaiting his reason.

"You'd be a liability" He said, the lump was forming in his throat again. Maybe this way was the way to ice you out he thought

You scoff.

"Liability?" You questioned

"Ghost-" Price started

"I am not having her in the field with us." Ghost said standing up facing Price.

"It was a suggestion Ghost, nothing set in stone." Price said, raising his voice slightly.

"She's our doctor, she patches us up, not a part of the team" Ghost said bluntly turning to look at you.

You were astonished. 2 minutes ago, everything was fine. You thought you were getting on well with your lieutenant. Clearly not.

Getting up from the chair, you pack up the cleaning kit

"Blue, listen-" Price began

"I believe it's Dr Kaur. After all I'm only here to patch you all up." You spit, not taking your eyes off Ghost, giving him the same piercing look you gave Dr Jones. Ghost felt a sharpness hit him in the chest. Grabbing the two pistols and cleaning kit you leave the two men behind whilst Price glared at Ghost. The door of the garage slamming shut.

"You really had to ruin it" Price said to Ghost

"I am not having her out there with us." Ghost said through his gritted teeth.

"You need push aside any feelings for her Simon" Price said, using his real name this time edging closer to him.

"I don't have any feelings for her" Ghost lied. Worry and anger coursing through him

"Simon. It was a mere suggestion." Price said.

"It was a bad suggestion" Ghost hissed and walked away from Price and out of the garage.

How the hell could he suggest such a stupid thing? I cannot have her out there with us on these dangerous missions. Ghost thought.

He knew he couldn't lose you. He knew you were a good soldier, but he couldn't have you out there with them. He wanted to keep you away from the horrors. He had to protect you. He couldn't let the same thing that happened in Siberia happen again.

[cromwellharvests]

Which saccharine pet name are you?

sweetheart.

kind, graceful, the one they dedicate songs to. searching for beauty everywhere but in themselves. moved easily, and gives wholeheartedly.

[kenkamishiro]

Lost in Translation: Choujin X chapter 1

Fun fact, I was planning to do fan translations for Choujin X with a scan group until it could get a simulpub release, though I didn’t expect it to get one from the very first chapter lol. I’m happy though since it means everyone can read it right away and it doesn’t mess up my schedule.

So instead I’ll be making comparison notes between the EN and JP text to supplement the official translation. I’m not doing this because the official TL is bad (I actually think it’s pretty solid and I hope it will maintain this quality) but because it’s inevitable for something to be lost in translation, and it’s nice to have that additional context for theory crafting and whatnot.

If you want to read it on Twitter instead, the original thread is here, but this is the proofread and way more detailed version 😄

This translation isn’t wrong, but there’s an emphasis on それ (which is TLed as ‘it’) that connotes a stronger, “other, that thing” feeling that isn’t present here. The general idea behind this sentence is: That [becoming a Choujin] resembles more of a disease [than a transformation].

Ely talks like a tomboy, she uses rougher speech patterns and the pronoun オラ (ora), a derivative of the masculine 'ore'. But it's a bit old-fashioned (eg. すまなんだ) which makes sense considering her upbringing with her grandfather on a farm. Hence her country bumpkin speech pattern in English.

Not sure if I should use Ellie or Ely? Ellie makes more sense based on the kana, but Ishida explicitly called her Ely so I might stick with Ely for now... (also istg that blond guy with the huge chin is a reference, I've seen him somewhere)

Tokio, I know your teacher is annoying, but it's rude to call her that lol. This is basically the oppai equivalent of paisen (senpai backwards, it’s slangier). Similar thing actually happened with Ely describing her dream hubby as Goldilocks instead of blond; ‘kinpatsu’ (blond hair) was inverted to become ‘patsukin’, hence the translation as Goldilocks.

Kurohara Tokio (黒原トキオ) and Higashi Azuma (東アヅマ). Kurohara is a common surname, means 'black fields'. Tokio is in katakana, so it’s hard to say what kanji it could be. 'Toki' could be 時 (time) or 外喜 (outside + delight). The 'o' can be the common male name suffix 男 (boy).

But when I think of Tokio, I think of TK's song called 'tokio'. You can read the translated lyrics here. If these lyrics end up being relevant to Tokio's character development I will eat my shoe lol.

Higashi means 'east'. Azuma (which can also be romanized as Aduma, it’s a softer ‘zu’ sound which is why Tokio called Azuma ‘Aju’ earlier in the chapter before correcting himself) is an archaic form of ‘east’. So...this guy is literally East East. The Choujin X equivalent of Moon Moon 😂

Someone also informed me that Higashi Azuma is a station in Tokyo, though the kana are slightly different (アヅマ／あづま vs. あずま). They effectively sound the same though nowadays, if I have to be honest. It’s like comparing the difference between 애 and 에 in Korean.

Tbh this is minor, but worth mentioning just cause it changes the meaning a bit. Tokio is saying something more like, “Why are we even talking about this [the roly-polies] again?”

I think I heard people talking about how the official TL doesn’t match the original text, but personally I really like how this was translated! Sis is using the expression  「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」, which literally means “boiling the dirt under someone’s fingernails and drinking it”. By taking the dirt/grime under the fingernails of someone that you admire, and boiling it and drinking it like a tea, you can become more like them.

But because idioms don’t tend to directly translate well between languages, translators often have to adapt it so that the meaning still remains the same. In English the closest idiom we have to this is “rubbing off on someone.” The “holding hands” bit was added to replace the physical aspect of “taking the dirt from someone’s fingernails” and also contribute to Sis’s sassy and very informal way of speaking.

So Sis is saying in JP (ignoring her personal speech style for now):

You should take the dirt from under [Azuma's] fingernails and boil it so you can be more like him.

And now in ENG it becomes:

You guys should hold hands or something, then maybe he’ll rub off on you.

It now sounds natural in English, still carries the same meaning as the original text, and also suits the character’s speech pattern.

Moving on, in that same panel the literal TL of Tokio’s dialogue is, “Policeman Azuma got dispatched again today,” emphasizing Azuma’s heroic deeds along with his family connections to the police. Another thing I want to note is that this is the second time Azuma has been called 偉い (erai) so far - noble, and now great guy. I’ll just dump the general English definition of 偉��� from Jisho here so you get the general idea:

Great; excellent; admirable; remarkable; distinguished; important; celebrated; famous; eminent

But you can tell from how people describe Azuma as 偉い that others look up to him, think he’s a great person and Mr. Perfect. Always being placed on a pedestal by others. (What are the odds this will affect his mentality after the Choujin serum?)

The meaning is still pretty much the same, but I’ll offer a slightly different perspective. Sis mentions that if she were Tokio, she’d burst from the [Azuma] complex. (Clearly Tokio and Azuma's relationship is gonna crack at some point)

Tokio mentions an idiom about hawks (taka) before recalling his childhood memory about vultures. Vultures are called 'hagewashi', but in the chapter it mentions they can also be called 'hagetaka' (buzzard/condor, literally bald hawk).

The kids call him names like "Hagetaka Tokio" and "Hageo". But Hagetaka Tokio only really works in JP cause Hagetaka kinda mimics his last name (Buzzard Tokio doesn't give the same vibe). Same with Hageo. Hage-o = Bald-o = Baldy.

I also think Buzzard was chosen over another name for a vulture like Condor because Buzzard can pass off as an insult.

I would have translated this as, “I wanted to be a lion too...” but this is just personal preference.

A continuation of the 「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」 expression Sis used earlier. Without the adapted idiom the exchange goes something like this:

Tokio: My sister said I should bring home the dirt from under your nails. Can I have some?

Azuma: ...huh? What for, that’s scary. No way.

Tokio: I have to boil it and drink it, apparently.

Azuma: Don’t even think about boiling or drinking it.

But since the 「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」 expression was modified to make it sound natural in English, it means this conversation has to be modified too.

JP: My sister said I should bring home the dirt from under your nails. Can I have some?

EN: My sister says we should hold hands...so I can be more like you. What do you think?

The “dirt from under your nails” part got adapted to “holding hands”, hence how the 1st line from Tokio becomes, “My sister says we should hold hands...so I can be more like you.” “Can I have some?” makes no sense now in this context now, so it was changed to “What do you think?” as a question to Azuma to keep the similar conversation flow going.

JP: ...huh? What for, that’s scary. No way.

EN: Huh? What’re you talking about? No thanks.

Azuma’s next line is similar enough to the JP text except for the removal of “scary”. I think the reason it was most likely removed is because leaving it as it is could be constituted as homophobic (2 boys holding hands, absolutely nothing scary about it as bible thumpers would like people to believe).

JP: I have to boil it and drink it, apparently.

EN: She said to hold hands so you’ll rub off on me.

Tokio’s response to that is explaining what he meant by his proposal. In the original text he lays out the latter half of the idiom (he doesn’t even realize it’s an expression, poor boy), and in English he does something similar by going into why his sister said they should hold hands (so Azuma can rub off on Tokio).

JP: Don’t even think about boiling or drinking it.

EN: C’mon. That’s not how things work.

Azuma’s then rebuts Tokio’s proposal as ridiculous. In the original text he drops a typical straight man response (don’t do *insert whatever ridiculous thing the idiot suggested*). But since Tokio’s proposal in English isn’t as preposterous, his rebuttal is toned down in response by telling him not to take it literally.

Ultimately, even though a lot of this dialogue was changed, I still think it was successful in maintaining the original’s intent. Tokio takes his sister’s sarcastic suggestion literally and brings it up to Azuma, who dismisses it as silly. It would be nice if we could keep the expression as it was in Japanese, but in instances like this where it’s played off of in multiple lines, that’s easier said than done.

軟体 isn’t an actual word, it’s made up of the kanji soft + body. So kinda like Elastigirl, but Flexi was chosen instead. It doesn’t sound 100% right, but I don’t think I could come up with anything better.

Replacing the しい in 楽しい with the C plus that elongated pronunciation makes Johnny sound even more like a stereotypical Yankee, which is why he sounds like that in English 😂

Random but I found it interesting how Azuma called Johnny a youkai (妖怪) instead of something like bakemono (化け物) or obake (お化け) since they’re shapeshifting monsters.

Tokio is worried that if he doesn't do something right now, he's going to lose his friendship with Azuma. The sentence is fine as it is though.

Azuma’s line can also be worded as, "No hard feelings, okay?"

Bestial = 獣化 (juuka) = beast+change = beast transformation

That’s it from me, if you have questions about the TL feel free to send an ask or reply to this post, I promise I’ll check my inbox more often this time 😂

[daddywright]

I have only recently got into the ace attorney fandom, and this story was the first story I read, and I feel spoiled! I absolutely loved every chapter, so I'm gonna word vomit here and tell you everything I love about this!

"She offers him a smile. It’s small, tentative, but it possesses a strength that makes a hidden part of him twist and burn with quiet envy." the first time we see nick's wish to be as strong as mia!

Considering the fact that nick didn't have any prominent figure in his life, it makes sense that he would look up to gregory so much

"Phoenix looks up, and starts walking towards Mia Fey

He doesn't stop for two years."

THE RELATIONSHIP THAT MIA AND NICK HAD WAS PRECIOUS AND DESERVES MORE THAN WHAT THE FANDOM GIVES THEM

"Larry’s arms wrap around him, squeezing almost too tight" People forget that Larry and Phoenix were good friends too, and Larry would help his best friend

"Nobody believed him, nobody but Mia" Maya is what Phoenix is to Mia and I adore that

"He wishes, desperately, that he’d said it while she was still alive. I loved you. For everything you did." Not you absolutely breaking my fucking heart

Also the first AA game felt unnatural in the sense of how seemingly unaffected Phoenix seemed at Mia's murder so I'm really glad you wrote it this way

"Expensive. Thoughtful. Too much." SHUT UP NICK YOU DESERVE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING

Also quick break to mention how I absolutely fucking love your writing style and i wish I was literally half as talented as you cuz the last time I read something that made me feel this multitude of emotions was ocean vuong. And I practically worship Ocean Vuong. So now I worship you too

"You're a stranger to me // When will I stop hoping?" I never really realised just how badly nick musta been hurt by good ol' bratworth before this fic, but now that I have read it, it would have hurt him so bad

"Is this why you never answered my letters? Because I was a reminder? Because it hurt too much?" Honestly what happened to miles and phoenix's friendship hurts so much because it should have never happened, and miles didn't deserve that.

"Maybe Miles Edgeworth is not the man he thought he’d be, either." yo when I tell you this hurt I mean this huRT

Fun fact! My birthday is on the same day as DL-6 anniversary. Gregory Edgeworth died on my birthday. I feel horrible now

"monster. You were nine years old and he's a monster. " No one has made me feel this much emotion for what happened to Miles in a single sentence other than you. I commend you for that

"I love you," he says quietly. He has never said those words to anyone, except for Dahlia Hawthorne.

Maya sniffs in his ear, crushing him tight. "I love you, too."

He has never heard them back.

PHOENIX HAS NEVER HEARD THE WORDS " I LOVE YOU" COME BACK TO HIM ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME WHY NOW I'M SAD

"Tell me everything. Every detail—" Miles is worried bout nick and why wouldn't he? gods you're so gay miles but tbf if I knew someone like nick irl i'd go ballistic too

"He determined the motive for his own assault...with amnesia. Naturally." My man's smart af and he is king

"Is that what she thinks of me? That I'm like that? That I don't care about who the bad guys really are?" Gumshoe noooo you're hella precious! Also this particular chapter was so well written! loved this soo much!

Also taking a minute to appreciate the pacing! Rarely do I ever come across an author who just hits that sweet spot of perfect pacing and you did! so thank you!

Alright so here are a few thoughts that I felt capcom needed to do which you did for us!

no. 1 - Address the trauma phoenix faced with not only dahlia but also with mia's death

no. 2 - Actually fucking flesh out a good relationship dynamic between larry and phoenix

no. 3 - actually! have! phoenix! be hurt! in bridge to turnabout! istg my man would not have dropped from a burning bridge to a freezing river only to have a cold

AUNT FRANZY AND PEARLS MAN!

THEY CUTE

ok so I have a LOT of feelings for bridge to turnabout and HOO BOY BUCKLE UP

So I always thought that in this fic, miles must have felt fucking awful! I mean he very clearly hates who he was and what that has led to but that must have been doubled over with this case! Phoenix would have died if not for mia and it would have been indirectly miles's fault. I think about that alot

Like he said that he very much regrets whatever he did as bratworth in the phone call with gumshoe but i don't think he anticipated this. poor edgeworth

Also I think this was the final nail in the coffin for miles. Phoenix forgave him, after all the fucked up shit miles did, and that made that man go "how is this guy so fucking compassionate awwwww shit I'm in fucking love with this idiotic brave man".

my main thoughts were "holy shit phoenix must have been feeling awful." like to learn that you were in love with a person who turned out to be a murderer but then not a murderer cuz everything you felt about that was real and just...... it must have hurt. He never fell in love with dahlia. it was iris, always. and WHAT ABOUT MILES DURING THIS!!! Like to learn that the man you love was falsely led to believe that he was in love with a person he rarely met and then learn that his ex who is not murderous might still be in love with him because "that was real. that part was real." like damn. people just gloss over this

also I feel terrible for iris F in the chat for iris lads.

Dahlia literally haunting that courtroom scene. I felt mia's power. I felt her desperation. I felt everything and I am once again in awe of the absolute power your writing holds.

also godsdamn pearls had to go through all that shit huh. also FRANMAYAAAAAA THANK YOUUUU

I too, am a hoe confused as to what I should feel towards diego.

Ok anyways we jump to disbarment now

"He just winks at her and says Maya has other talents, and if Mystic Maya overhears, she puffs up at him like the fish from the aquarium she saw once, the one with all the spikes and silly eyes."

you know what constantly amazes me? your ability to change tones so effortlessly. When writing from edgey's pov, the language is sophisticated. precise. when writing from pearly's pov your language is simplistic, child-like. from phoenix's pov it's natural. grounded

"She never knew anybody who made faces like him, growing up in Kurain, and it’s one of the things that makes him special." Yo phoenix is the most amazing uncle ever and we all know it ok he's brilliant

I'M RUNNING OUT OF CHARACTER LIMITS

PEARLY CALLING EDGEY AT FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE I'M SOFFFFTTTT

“I think I did something really bad." trucy baby no it's not your fault

pearl and trucy bonding supremacy. my girls would fuck shit up

"She’d meant to do this properly, one day." Thank you for giving importance to maya's feelings. thank you for treating her like a real human being. thank you

“Everything that happened...for what? It’s only gotten people hurt. Pearly. Our mother.” Me. Me." I felt so bad for maya here. I wish I could tell you in precise words about how this exact framing of the sentence is what broke me. "me. me" maya deserved more, but mia did all she could

"What do scared kids need? ...Food." not you breaking my godsdamn heart again. phoenix just knows what's it like being a helpless child, and he'll be damned if he ever lets anyone face that again

“‘Course, Pearls,” he says reflexively, before frowning. “What for?” reflexively. if every man in the world could be like phoenix wright then the world would be worthy of the gods

"Another one?" give it 2 years edgey she'll be your daughter too

"after countless hours creating the man’s living space in his mind from the background snatches he’d seen in the man’s ridiculous video calls." NOT ONLY DO THEY VC FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON BUT ALSO MILES ACTUALLY SPENDS TIME TRYING TO RECREATE HIS ROOM?? BECAUSE HE WOULD ONE DAY LIKE TO BE IN IT??? good gods these bitches gay. good for them

"because just as day is light and night is dark, Phoenix Wright is an honorable man." damn straight. you love to see it (it being a 27+ year old man pining for another 27+ year old man)

also hey miles! how do you feel about the fact that the man you love changed his fucking major and degrees halfway through college just so he could see you again only for you to be incredibly rude to him and make him end up in jail! (i bully edgeworth cuz i love him)

"Wright finishes, shrugging like it’s nothing, like his commitment and belief isn’t the most extraordinary thing that Miles has ever faced." it's more than pining at this point. it's incredible faith and trust. Miles had someone who cared about him even after all those years despite him having changed so drastically, ofc he would be surprised. Miles loves phoenix and so do i.

also HOT DAMN YOU WRITING IS JUST * MWAH *

Also the whole segment where they kiss is just !!!!! miles wants! it's beautiful! THEY'RE IN LOVEEE

receiving poisonous bottles which your ex tried to kill you with. My man can't get a break huh

Miles being chivalrous and protective and absolutely stealing my godsdamn heart (and phoenix's too)!

Klavier being the absolute king that he is we stan

The hostage situation section? gods miles must have been terrified.

Phoenix not being able to promise pearly that he'd always come back home and miles hearing it and like... ouch. my heart. you didn't need to do that (but i love your for it)

GODS THE CLIMAX WITH KRISTOPH WAS SOOO SATISFYING AND LIKE MY MAN PHOENIX REALLY PUNCHED THAT BITCH HUH

klavier baby I am so sorry

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL!

and thus my comment ends. I believe I have almost used up all of my commenting limits and i leave with these few parting words : HOLY SHIT YOUR AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!

also I made a playlist on spotify for this fic! here's the link : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3k8lRHiO8ZXQDLpiTUL7SN?si=fc3b35b4ab064867

gods this was long huh

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY....WHERE DO I BEGIN...THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE THE CHARACTER LIMIT ON AO3 AND MADE A PLAYLIST? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

thank you so much for all the amazing things you said....i am crying on a Wednesday morning knowing my writing was appreciated this much. thank you!

[hq-lovin]

Just saw requests are open so I would love a scenario or long fic about the reader being Iwa's sister, she's sassy and rude and when she goes to see the boys practice, she tells off Kyoutani for being rude with the team. Somehow he doesn't go mad at her (as everyone thought he would) and instead he starts to treat them better. At the end he likes her or smth and when he asks her out Iwa gets all crazy but the reader tell him to f**k off or something 😂 Thanks 💜 you can change anything you want!

scolding kyotani // mad dog

hiii! I thanks for requesting, I made the reader not too rude lol hope that’s okie! 😳 this would be my first time writing for Mad Dog-Chan I hope its not too bad! 

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

➣ pairing : kyotani x fem!reader

➣ scenario [1260 words]

➣ warning : a lot of swearing 

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

kentaro kyotani

gif : @volleygifs

“Damn, you guys were better than I thought.” 

“I swear- just go over there and try and not to piss anyone off.”

“It’s not my fault like 60% of the time,” you cry out and head to the bench where your brother pointed at and sat down, scrolling through your phone boredly. Minutes later, Oikawa approached you once he walked into the gym. 

“Hey there Y/n-chan, what’re you doing here?” He waves cheerfully, taking a seat beside you. 

“Don’t call me that, and Hajime said I had to come with him,” You reply cooly, putting your phone down.

“Ah there it is, the famous Iwaizumi sass,” you chuckle at his remark before spotting a guy with a blonde buzz cut along with 2 black stripes around his head. You tilt your head before nudging Oikawa. 

“Who’s that?” you ask, getting more confused when Oikawa lets out the biggest sigh and an expression of pure annoyance was planted on his face. 

“Mad dog-chan,” he groans and turns to you, “He’s in your year, I’m surprised you don’t know him.” You cringe at “Mad dog-chan” you’ve definitely seen him before. 

“He might have been in one of my classes,” you reply, ripping your eyes away from his figure instead choosing to look at your nails. 

“He only listens to your brother,” Oikawa states, letting his gaze on Kyotani fall and getting up to stretch. 

“Hajime? Weird.” 

“Yeah well he-” Oikawa didn’t get to finish his sentence before your brother chucks a volleyball at his face. 

“Hurry up Shittykawa! Stop gossiping with my sister!” he yells across the court, making you shoot him a glare and go back on your phone. 

“Don’t be jealous Iwa-chan! Just because she likes me better than you doesn’t mean- aH! Stop throwing volleyballs! I’m the captain!” 

You let out a loud laugh and relax on the bench. Putting on headphones, you get ready for a long day of practice. 

“Kyotani! You need to stop! You’re going to get blocked every time if you do that!” Matsukawa scolds, catching your attention. Raising a brow, you slowly take your headphones off getting a better listen to what was going on, especially because Mad dog-chan was involved. 

Kyotani grunts and shoves Matsukawa off with a huff. How immature, you think mentally rolling your eyes. You watch as the other third years try to calm him down, including Oikawa. Glancing around, you don’t see your brother anywhere. 

“Where’s Iwaizumi?” 

“He’s in the bathroom, this is the worst timing. Oikawa looks like he’s about to explode.” 

Indeed he was, you walked up to him and grabbed his shirt to whisper in his ear. 

“What the fuck is happening?” 

“I told you! He won’t listen to anyone but Iwa-chan!” Oikawa, and turns to you. 

“You have to help us,” he pleads, you glance at Mad dog who shoves Hanamaki out of his way. You feel the rage bubbling in your chest and stomp your towards him, effectively making the others back away. 

“Hey!” You yell and catch his attention, making him scowl at you. 

“Who the hell are you?” He narrows his eyes and cocks a brow, obviously very irritated at the whole situation. 

“Doesn’t matter, Mad dog, is it? You need to shut the fuck up and start respecting your teammates.” Kyotani’s glare turns sharper and he tilts his head.  

“I-It’s actually Kyotani-”

“Kindaichi, not the time.” 

You turn back to Kyotani, throwing him a hard look as he crosses his arms, shooting you a look that was mixed with anger and shock. You raise a brow and match his stance, before speaking again. 

“These guys have worked their asses off in practice especially the fucking third years, to not show them the fucking respect they deserve is insane and you need to get your ass in gear. They’re trying to help you and you repay them with this?! By being an arrogant whiny ass baby?! Look, there are other people on Seijoh, you’re on a fucking team, start acting like it.” With a final huff, you turn to the other boys who had their jaws on the floor. 

“Uh it’s okay Y/n! W-We can continue just fine, there’s no need to fight!” a scared Watari shouts from the crowd as you see Kyotani’s brows furrow in even more annoyance. 

“Dude! Where is Iwaizumi? How long does it take that guy to pee?” 

“If this goes on Mad dog’s gonna explode.” 

Staring straight ahead, your gaze on Mad Dog hardens. He looks stunned for a second, before huffing and turning away from where you stood. You raise a brow and before you could yell at him again he turns to his team. 

“Sorry,” He says yet his tone is stiff and awkward. He looks straight at Matsukawa and mumbles something. 

“Show me that block again.” 

The rest of the boys all collectively gasp, as your lips quirked into a smile. Sighing, you turn to walk away when you are suddenly met with your brother. He gives you a blank look before speaking. 

“Good job,” he says, and you shrug. It really wasn’t that hard to knock some sense into him, almost too easy.

“Iwa! Can we have Y/n as our team manager?!” 

“What? Why?” 

“She just dealt with Mad Dog, did you not see or were you too busy taking your time in the bathroom?” 

“Shittykawa I will not hesitate to throw another volleyball in your face, I’ve done it before and I will do it again.” 

By the end of practice, the guys were exhausted. Especially with the whole Mad Dog thing, although they were able to play a proper practice game with Kyotani actually cooperating properly. The boys were still shocked you could tame the wild beast.

“You,” a deep voice emerges from your right and you groan internally. Turning to the side you see the familiar blonde buzzcut and sharp eyes.

“What?” You ask and tap your foot impatiently, an annoyed frown etched on your lips from the previous events. 

Kyotani sighs and the slightest blush painted on his cheeks. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turns to you again. 

“Go out with me,” he demands, making you confused. This guy looked like he was going to burst when you scolded him, very loudly, in front of his teammates. Now he was avoiding eye contact, instead choosing to look off to the side. 

“Sure.” 

“Wha-” 

“On one condition,” you stop him halfway. Leaning against a wall, you give him a serious look. 

“You promise to respect the third years, specifically Oikawa.” He looks at you like you just grew another head, making you sigh.

“He’s a good guy Kyotani, he knows how to lead a team,” you say. He thinks about it for a moment. 

“I’ll… try,” He finally gets the words out and you chuckle. 

“Good enough for me.” 

“Cool… um I’ll get your number tomorrow? I think we have English together.” Your eyes widen for a second before nodding, accepting his request. So we do have a class together.

You wave him bye as he walks off. Smiling to yourself, you spin around now facing your older brother all of a sudden making you yelp in surprise. 

“You have got to stop doing that,” Glaring at him. 

“Him?! Out of all the guys in my team, you choose the dude who looks like he wants to murder everyone?” 

“He’s not that bad! Fuck off Hajime, and please don’t give him the talk during volleyball.”

“Fine.” 

“Thank you.”

“I’ll do it during lunch.” 

“Hajime!” 

[thedevilliers]

Hey, I've been reading your story for a while, and I'm enjoying it very much. Following the De Villiers has been so fun, and you've inspired me to create my own royal Simblr!

Can you maybe share some tips about what to do with your royals? I'll be posting my family within the next few weeks, and I have already planned out several engagements + events, including visits to parks/schools/hospitals, parties, and news surrounding a royal pregnancy. I've also planned out the first arc. I don't know what else to do, and I've barely started! If you have any tips related to the beginning of your Simblr that you didn't cover in your other post, I would so appreciate them. I want to get all this nailed down *before* posting, so my blog is the best that it can be.

Also, if you have any advice on how to make things as efficient as possible (especially regarding posing sims, editing/writing posts, etc.), I would love that! I want to cut down on time wasted wherever I can.

Thank you!! :-)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 me?!!?!?! ME ??????? omg 🧍‍♀️ thank u for reading my story 🥺 and AAAAAAAAAAAA your own royal simblr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ill answer everythin under the cut !!!!! spoilers: it got long sorry

first of all, remember we ALL started somewhere. you can look at my first like... fifteen and even MORE posts and they are BAD. oh my gawd idk why i thought they were good, but hey! i learned things from them. you will more than likely change your mind about certain things from the beginning of your blog to who knows, four months from now. don’t focus and worry a lot on ‘perfection’ and setting up ‘high standards’ from the beginning. treat it like a learning curve! this is something we all do for fun, so don’t get stressed a lot on it. you can always change and adapt things and that’s no problem!

i love lists, so im gonna list a few things of advice/tips basing myself on what you said!!!

i personally don't do engagements anymore, so i can't really help you in this regard of even more activities you could do 🧍‍♀️ what i could recommend for people to get to know your characters' personalities and private lives and grow attached to them, add in BTS posts.

continuing on my BTS’ post thing, they are a GREAT way to show more than what the public sees for your royals. because from a press and public point of view, you don't really know 'what goes on behind closed doors'. they could be all happy in public, but in privatE??!??!!?!?

as i said in my starting out guide, i did have around ~15 drafts done before i started posting. just so i could not stress about “oh my god i dont have any posts for tomorrow”. a LOT of ppl do posts and queue them as they go, and they have MANY posts done and usually they start accumulating and they are MONTHS in advance compared to what they’re currently posting. if this method works for you, you can definitely use it!

please, please please read your dialogue OUT loud. is it possible to say a 2093023902 word sentence without a singular use of punctuation? do people in this age and era really talk this way? also please if possible use correct grammar. just a little pet peeve, it can take a reader out of the immersion your story gives them.

we all have our lil dialogue habits. mine is starting sentences with “oh” and the infamous dash “—”. others use ellipses. just make sure you aren’t overdoing it. for example, doing a sentence like “oh— there you are. i was uhm— looking for you. how—how are you? its—i mean where have you uhm— been? yes—ive—ive been fine. you? i mean— your mom” ....just no 😔 it doesnt read well at ALL

you can always do lil filler posts, dont tell anyone tell you otherwise. post a little simstagram post, a little family portrait, updated portraits post, family hanging out, kids hanging out, etc.

for posing sims, i do try and remember where MOST of my poses are in the ingame list. usually creators’ correctly naming the poses helps a lot. for example i need a Mel Bennet pose; hers are usually ALL in the same spot and have the same lil aqua bg so i can easily find them. sometimes, i dl pose packs VERY specifically for a certain scene. am i gonna use them again? no. so i open the .package file in sims4studio and rename them to “00 for emi scene [rest of the og name” so when i open my game, they are around the top of the list! no more scrolling and i easily know what i need it for.

dont be scared to plan things that are happening MONTHS from now or anything in detail. some ppl dont like planning things in detail, or even dont like planning things AT ALL or things that arent happening say, in over 2 weeks because idk, they get bored. i recommend at LEAST having a list of things that HAVE to happen so you have ‘goals’ and you slowly plan out how you’re gonna get there. at LEAST theres some level of planning there. if you’re posting and PLANNING as you go, there’s gonna be holes. and it’s gonna be obvious.

editing wise, i don’t do much. my reshade does most of the work, i just add in my psd, add text and done! this is easily the fastest thing you will ever do.

if you get inspired by someone else doing, idk, a certain layout for the portraits, them adding little things to their captions, a certain edit, etc. if you want to do something similar and you ARE very much aware you were inspired by them, credit them in the caption. i beg. its free, its the nice thing to do, bc if not its rude.

if you get inspired by a certain storyline someone else did and you notice yours is gonna be similar, go ahead and send them a message to let them know and if they have any tips or feel uncomfortable with you doing this. simply put, if you don’t, you’re gonna look bad. we are all bound to do same storylines, such as assassinations, shooty shooty’s, stalkers, first loves, accidental babies, etc. but what changes is how each person approaches it. no ones gonna do it the same way as you and others. if you CONSCIOUSLY start copying else, stop it. and you could even be unconsciously be inspired by someone else too. it happens! just make sure you are able to look at the bigger picture and realize “hey, i’m doing something wrong”

same thing with dialogue. you like a line someone else said in their story? don’t just... steal it and incorporate it into yours word BY WORD

OVERALL: you can be inspired. give credit where it’s due. and don’t copy because someone else is doing ‘something others like’ and you want others to like your story. no no no !

im adding this AFTER i posted it but, be yourself. in the way you interact with others and send questions, etc. don’t try and copy someone else’s personality because they are liked and essentially absorb them. be yourself and i’m sure a lot of ppl will like you the way you are : D

for my writing dialogue etc, this goes back to my point 8. i use milanote, its free and you get 200 free thingies to use, and i plan out how every single one of my posts is gonna go. so i just have to go ingame and i already know what im gonna do. no thoughts, just taking screenshots. for example, this is how a part of my part 2, chapter 3 posts layout looks like. every square is a post that has what is happening, who is in it, what is gonna be said very vaguely, etc:

11. and the most important tip! don’t compare yourself to others. i did it at the beginning. i think we all did at one point. its not good for you at all. please always remember we all are here for share our lil stories with each other and it’s not easy get a following. you’ll get there and its gonna take time. be patient, be nice!!! and i cant wait to see your story!!!!!!!!!!

[akitsune-lune]

a lukewarm defence of Blossomfall

or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the IvyBlossom

Hi there. Do you have a minute to talk about Blossomfall?

My goal here

Analyse Blossomfall’s behaviour in OOTS. Clear up misconceptions and aim to change people’s minds regarding the relationship between Millie, Briar, n Blossom, as well as making a case for IvyBlossom not in fact being A Toxic Evil Ship Propagated by Abuse Apologists. This is going to be an extremely long post and hopefully THE Blossomfall Defence Post. Fly, my pretties, share it around, this took so long.

1: The Text

let’s go over everything single thing Blossomfall has done in OOTS so that there’s no way for us to be in disagreement over what she’s done. It’s gonna take a while. This will be everything vaguely important to Blossomfall’s character, but not including shit like characters noticing Blossompaw sitting with her mentor or whatever. You are free to ctrl-f “Blossom” your way through all of OOTS to see if I’m cherry picking passages for my clever scheme to make everyone think about Blossomfall. (spoilers, I’m not)

Fourth Apprentice:

Literally nothing of note. Just filling in random background bits.

Fading Echoes:

P.68 This is pretty much our first look at Blossomfall. She squabbles with her littermates and maybe has a crush on Toadstep.

P.128 next is our first interaction between Ivypaw and Blossompaw. Ivypaw thinks Dovepaw is getting special treatment, and Blossompaw disagrees.

P.149 And a first interaction between Millie and Blossompaw. Blossompaw jumps onto the Great Oak and hurts herself, then Millie fusses over her. This is a pretty good set-up for showing Millie to be a bit of an overbearing mother and no spoilers, but if Millie’s attention suddenly vanished, you could imagine that would leave Blossompaw off-kilter.

P.174 Now we have an antagonistic interaction between Ivypaw and Blossompaw; Blossompaw is rude and thoughtless and it plays directly to Ivypaw’s deepest insecurities. Throughout the assessment, Blossompaw treats her like she’s useless.

P.235 A quick acknowledgement of Briarlight’s siblings cheering for her

P.248 another moment of sisterly affection between them

P.258 The first mention of Thornclaw in relation to Blossomfall. I’ve heard it cited as evidence of Thorn/Blossom set-up, which... seems like a stretch, but maybe.

P.361 And to round out Fading Echoes we get Ivypaw and Blossomfall working together in battle, and Blossomfall being appreciative of Ivypaw’s abilities.

Night Whispers:

P.33 The very first moment of Blossomfall in Night Whispers is an in-text, explicit acknowledgement that Blossomfall and Ivypaw have put their previous quarrels to rest. After that, (P.111) we get a quick moment of Ivypaw and Blossomfall talking like chill Clanmates, which might further support that their previous animosity is gone.

P.114 We get another instance of Blossomfall complimenting Ivypaw, then an exchange which leads Ivypaw to think No wonder Hawkfrost doesn’t visit [Blossomfall’s] dreams.

P.143 After that, we hear Millie bemoaning how her daughter’s life is meaningless now, followed by

P.143 Which would imply that Bumblestripe and Blossomfall would take issue with how Millie talks about Briarlight and her life.

P.327 another moment of Blossomfall showing concern for her littermates, and that rounds off book 3 of OOTS.

Sign of the Moon:

P.178 Blossomfall is now training in the Dark Forest and Ivypool is very upset by it, later thinking ThunderClan cats are loyal.

P.179-180 In Blossomfall’s first training exercise in the Dark Forest, Ivypool interferes and risks punishment to save Blossomfall from injury.

P.181 Blossomfall is ungrateful, but Ivypool doesn’t really react to her remark.

Next, Ivypool wants to speak with Blossomfall about her training in the Dark Forest. Before she has the chance, however, Blossomfall’s old mentor Hazeltail notices that Blossomfall is injured and tries to draw Millie’s attention to it.

P.273 This is our first hint that Millie has something to do with Blossomfall’s training in the Dark Forest. I’d like to point out that it’s Millie ignoring her and not Briarlight that provokes the anger from Blossomfall.

P.276 Twofold - First, Blossomfall doesn’t jump to Thornclaw’s defence when Ivypool calls him bossy, rather she agrees. Blossomfall also rebuffs Ivypool’s efforts to check on her.

P.277 Next, we have Ivypool pushing further, and Blossomfall seems edgy. Ivypool expresses more concern in her head and is scared for Blossomfall.

Now we have the big scene. Ivypool and Blossomfall go exploring in the tunnels and Blossomfall’s character finally gets her moment.

P.279 Blossomfall makes a remark about losing the use of her legs, which could be interpreted multiple ways, a dark joke about what happened to Briarlight, jealousy over the attention that her sister’s condition has resulted in, etc

P.312-313 Now we cut to the heart of the matter. Blossomfall doesn’t even know if Millie loves her anymore.

P.313 “I hate myself for feeling jealous of Briarlight. I can’t help what I feel, and that proves I’m not a good cat.” Because of jealousy and attention-seeking urges, Blossomfall has decided that she’s a bad person and deserves to go to the Dark Forest.

P.313-314

P.323 Then they get back to camp after having been missing for several hours and after Blossomfall has been injured, and Millie lectures her.

P.323 and then there’s the nail in the coffin. I’d also like to draw attention to the fact that Blossomfall doesn’t lash out. She just accepts Millie’s lack of concern for her and her lecturing, while relying on the Dark Forest for validation. She especially is never shown to lash out at Briarlight. That’s the end of Sign of the Moon.

The Forgotten Warrior:

P.247 In book 5, Blossomfall is shown to be again antagonistic, though this time toward Dovewing, and very protective of her littermates, in a negative light this time. This is pretty much the only moment of note for Blossomfall in the whole book.

The Last Hope:

P.67 Now we get the magnum opus of Blossomfall and Thornclaw being chummy and Lionblaze misinterpreting this as meaning they’re going to end up as mates, then realizing it’s actually because they’re training in the Dark Forest together. This is the third time Blossomfall and Thornclaw have been mentioned in the same sentence, and the first time they’ve ever interacted with each other. It’s the first time where they’ve been explicitly friendly; the first BlossomThorn moment was a mention of Thornclaw’s mannerisms rubbing off on Blossomfall and the second was Blossomfall indirectly calling Thornclaw bossy. This is why I say with relative confidence, BlossomThorn in AVoS was not planned in OOTS. Our ‘evidence’ is

Blossomfall thinks he’s bossy

Blossomfall imitated him once

They’re friends because they trained in the Dark Forest together

She has a similar number of moments with Mousewhisker and Toadstep, but I haven’t included them other than the very first moment with Blossomfall because those aren’t the ships that end up canonized. Even with Toadstep, Bumblepaw explicitly says that she’s mooning over him, which is far more indication of future romance than BlossomThorn gets.

ADDITIONALLY in the reprinted version of The Last Hope...

He’s replaced with Mousewhisker! Which knocks BlossomThorn mentions in canon down to just two, only one of which is at least neutral, and they never even interact before she’s nursing his kits! *screm* Erins WHY?

and uh... that’s actually about it for Blossomfall’s moments in Last Hope. She’s lumped in with Mousewhisker, Birchfall, etc with Ivypool and ThunderClan trying to track them down and make sure they don’t fight for the DF, etc, and then she doesn’t, n book ends.

Alright let’s analyse some data.

2: The relationship between Ivy/Blossom

It's toxic and unneeded- just because it's not heterosexual it doesn't mean it's healthy. Blossomfall bullied Ivypool for almost the entire first half of OotS, and just because she supported Ivy once it doesn't mean that they're friends. It means they've moved on and forgiven each other.

Forum post on January 14th, 2019

Alright, I’ve heard some crazy shit about BlossomIvy and I’m here to tell you, forget it. You don’t have to ship them, but if you’re gonna call them toxic, I’m gonna call you full of shit.

Ivypaw and Blossompaw’s first big conflict is during Blossompaw’s assessment, at which point she calls Ivypaw a bad hunter and Ivypaw gets upset. Now pay close attention, folks! This is the only time Blossompaw and Ivypaw argue before Blossomfall starts training in the Dark Forest. After this, once Ivypaw has been training in the Dark Forest, Blossomfall compliments her on her skills and the text explicitly suggests that now Ivypaw and Blossomfall have ‘put their quarrels behind them.’ After that, once Blossomfall begins training in the Dark Forest, Ivypool intervenes on her behalf to save her from injury and is called out by Brokenstar. Blossomfall is ungrateful, but Ivypool shows no regret for helping her.

Then we get the big moment between them in the tunnels. Blossomfall, after being injured, asks Ivypool if she thinks Millie will miss her. Ivypool realizes why Blossomfall is training in the Dark Forest, and Blossomfall confesses that she knows that the Dark Forest is bad news but feels that she deserves to go there because she’s a bad person (cat?).

Something I want to pay special mention to is the fact that Blossomfall is confessing all of this to Ivypool rather than any other main character, because they understand each other. Whether or not you like the ship, it is an undeniable fact that Blossomfall and Ivypool have a great deal of common ground.

They were both taken advantage of by the Dark Forest because of their jealousy over their sisters, they both know that the Dark Forest is up to no good but don’t leave it, and they both acknowledge in no uncertain terms that they’re jealous of cats that would also want something that they themselves have--in Blossomfall’s case, her able body, and in Ivypool’s, her lack of super-powers and involvement in the prophecy. Blossomfall and Ivypool can relate to and understand each other on a level that they cannot their other Clanmates.

Blossompaw and Ivypaw have a moment of animosity in Night Whispers, when Blossompaw says Ivypaw is a bad hunter and that she’d prefer Dovepaw, and Ivypaw is very upset. Then later, again, we get an in-text acknowledgement from another character that Blossomfall and Ivypaw have put their quarrels behind them. After Blossomfall’s assessment, she and Ivypaw only have friendly or neutral interactions. The next time they argue is when Blossomfall joins the Dark Forest, is out of her depth, and Ivypool intervenes to save her. Blossomfall argues that she can take care of herself and Ivypool thinks she’s full of it, but doesn’t push the point.

Then later, they have a bit of an antagonistic interaction where Ivypool is scared that Blossomfall is making the wrong choice by training in the Dark Forest and wants to help her, while Blossomfall rejects her help.

And then of course, the big scene. Blossomfall admits her deepest fear, that Millie no longer loves her, to Ivypool, and Ivypool immediately understands, thinking of her own jealousy of Dovewing.

That’s pretty much a summary of the evolution of the BlossomIvy relationship. For all you visual learners, here’s a handy chart

It’s hardly scientific, but arguing that Blossomfall and Ivypool don’t move from antagonistic to emotionally vulnerable with each other would be a hard stance to take given the sharp difference between the argument during the assessment and the conversation in the tunnels. Even when Blossomfall is telling Ivypool that she can take care of herself after Ivypool saves her from Ratscar, it doesn’t necessitate an interpretation of them as hostile--it can be read as either “I don’t want your help” OR “I can take care of myself” the latter of which invites a lot of classic romance tropes.

If you don’t read their relationship as potentially romantic, they still go from not understanding each other to understanding each other the best out of any other cat in their Clan. That’s a pretty significant development (especially for Warriors oof) so even if you still think Blossomfall is a brat or spoiled or emotionally stunted because of her jealousy of Briarlight, the text shows that Ivypool and Blossomfall at least have the potential to be extremely close friends and confidantes.

And if you DO read their relationship as potentially romantic, first of all welcome to the club, here’s your club-sanctioned hat and waterbottle with an engraved picture of em, and second of all, it’s really not a stretch. Again, they have a great deal of common ground. Blossomfall tells Ivypool her deepest insecurity and Ivypool understands. She doesn’t lecture Blossomfall and disagrees when Blossomfall says that she’s a bad cat. Despite not having a whole lot to go on, what we do have 100% shows them trusting and understanding each other.

Overall, what I want to argue is that THE BlossomIvy argument in Night Whispers is absolutely not enough to write them off as toxic; in fact, it later shows how much their relationship has developed. Additionally, it’s not just some random ship where we picked two she-cats out of a hat and then made a bunch of fan art; they have a legit connection, whether or not you think they have chemistry or are a better ship than say, FernIvy. They are in similar enough situations that they’re able to sympathize with each other more than Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Bumblestripe, Toadstep (?) or any other important cat in their lives can. That’s a helluva lot more to go off of than just “they trained in the Dark Forest together” or “they’re friendly sometimes” like we have for other major ships for the two of them. (Let me also explictly say that I’m not trying to argue that BlossomIvy is more canon than BlossomThorn and FernIvy, because no shit--the latter two have kits and are canonically mates. I’m just arguing over what makes most sense and who would work best as a pair)

3: Blossomfall’s family

Here’s the other major point of Blossomfall’s character; her relationship with her sister and her mother. Let’s answer a few questions. Is Millie actually ignoring Blossomfall or is Blossomfall being unreasonable? Does it matter if Millie is neglecting Blossomfall and should Blossomfall be self-sufficient as an adult? How does Blossomfall’s jealousy of Briarlight affect Briarlight herself, and what is Blossomfall’s relationship with her littermates? How does Blossomfall react to Millie’s perceived neglect?

And we’ll knock em off one by one:

Q: Is Millie actually neglecting Blossomfall or is Blossomfall being unreasonable?

A: This isn’t an easy question to answer. There are arguments to be made on both sides; Blossomfall is a young adult by the time Briarlight is injured (around 18 if you use my AU lol) and therefore probably shouldn’t require her mother’s constant attention. On the other hand, Millie is shown to be very attentive to her children and very concerned when they’re hurt or potentially going to be hurt (149, Fading Echoes). After Briarlight becomes disabled, Millie’s concern for Blossomfall vanishes. Blossomfall is injured training in the Dark Forest (and let  me point out that Blossomfall is not the one who seeks out her mother’s attention; Hazeltail does it on her behalf) and Millie doesn’t care. (273, Sign of the Moon) Later in Sign of the Moon, Blossomfall has hit her head pretty hard and turns up after hours of being missing and Millie’s reaction is to chastise her for not hunting on Briarlight’s behalf. It’s sharply contrasted in-text with how Whitewing reacts to Ivypool, who hasn’t even been hurt. (323, Sign of the Moon) This is a pretty definitive display of how Millie does not care about her other daughter’s well-being anymore. If you’re thinking, “Well, Blossomfall was being irresponsible by running off into the tunnels, so she’s not innocent here” I agree, however let me employ my good friend Extremely Detailed Metaphor to explain why Millie isn’t either.

Let’s put this in terms of a human situation; a high school AU, if you will. I’ll paint a picture; it’s mid-winter, Sunday night. Blossomfall, her mother, and her sister Briarlight, live on a block where everyone is expected to shovel the snow in front of their house. Briarlight and Blossomfall get to school by walking to the bus stop at the end of the street. Millie tells Blossomfall to shovel the snow outside of their house that night so that Briarlight will be able to get to school on Monday in her wheelchair.

Instead, Blossomfall goes to a party, gets drunk, tries to drive herself home, gets into a car accident, and gets a concussion. Millie arrives at the hospital and, without making sure Blossomfall is okay, goes off at Blossomfall, telling her that she should have shovelled the entire block instead of going out to party.

Now, we’re once again in a situation where Blossomfall has been irresponsible, Millie is putting unreasonable expectations on her other daughter out of pity for Briarlight, and Millie is unconcerned about Blossomfall’s well-being. Unquestionably, Blossomfall did the wrong thing by going to a party/exploring the tunnels. BUT. That does not excuse Millie’s reaction. Millie is justified in being upset that Blossomfall is shirking her responsibilities, but not even bothering to find out how seriously she’s been injured is appalling behaviour from a previously-attentive mother. And you don’t need to take my word for it; from Whitewing and Brackenfur’s reactions, it’s obvious that no one thinks Millie is behaving in an acceptable fashion. She blatantly disregards Blossomfall’s well-being.

Seriously, I know it’s a pretty dire accusation, but with both examples of Blossomfall being injured post-Briarlight-injury and Millie either ignoring her or lecturing her, I don’t really know what other conclusion can be drawn. And let’s not villanize Millie utterly; Graystripe gets absolutely no mention in any instance despite being their father, so ??? what’s up with him. Overall, though, Blossomfall is not making up shit. There is literally no example post-Briarlight-injury of Millie showing concern for Blossomfall, only ever ignoring or admonishing her.

Q: Does it matter if Millie is neglecting Blossomfall and should Blossomfall be self-sufficient as an adult?

A: Again, not an easy question to answer. This is highly subjective, but if an adult’s mother suddenly lost all concern for their well-being, I’d argue that would be pretty damn destructive to that adult’s self-esteem. When you turn 18 or become a warrior, you don’t magically become self-sufficient and totally independent from your family, no matter what Warriors wants to tell you lmao. Those relationships are still very important, particularly for Blossomfall since as I’ll argue later, one of the most consistent points of her character is that she is extremely family-oriented. To go from her mother fussing over her and always being concerned for her health to her mother giving less than a shit about her when she gets lost and injured... I don’t care if she’s technically an adult. It’s not about her being attention-seeking or childish, it’s about her being completely cut off from one of the main relationships in her support system for no fault of her own. It does matter if Millie no longer cares about her daughter, whether or not the daughter in question is 16 or 18, an apprentice or a warrior. Blossomfall has lost an important relationship in her life, and it does a big hit to her self-esteem.

Q: How does Blossomfall’s jealousy of Briarlight affect Briarlight herself, and what is Blossomfall’s relationship with her littermates?

A: Oh good, an easy one at last. First, Blossomfall doesn’t blame Briarlight. She blames Millie. Second, Blossomfall is only ever shown to be loving and caring toward her sister. Third, (again) the most consistent thing about Blossomfall is that she puts her family first. The first two points can be supported in tandem; if Blossomfall truly blamed Briarlight for Millie’s disregard of Blossom, then why are all her interactions with her sister warm and loving? Very unfortunately, we don’t have many interactions between Briar and Blossom of any kind post-Briar-injury, but Blossomfall and her brother are the first to cheer for her at Briarlight’s ceremony (235, Fading Echoes) and Blossomfall eagerly brings fresh-kill to share with Briarlight (248, Fading Echoes). Later, Dovewing and Poppyfrost overhear one of Millie’s little monologues about how Briarlight’s life is ruined and Poppyfrost remarks that it’s a good thing Bumblestripe and Blossomfall didn’t overhear her. Draw your own conclusions, but to my understanding, this is a pretty plain demonstration that “Millie thinks Briarlight’s life is ruined and Bumblestripe and Blossomfall vehemently disagree, to the point at which they would start a big argument with their mother over that point” is common knowledge in ThunderClan. (143, Night Whispers)

Time and time again, Blossomfall loves and supports her sister. There’s no instance of Blossomfall putting the blame of Millie’s behaviour on Briarlight, only on Millie herself. In the big moment in the tunnel, Blossomfall doesn’t say “Do you think Briarlight would happy if I died and she got all Millie’s attention to herself?” she says “Do you think Millie would miss me?” followed by “I can’t bear seeing [Briarlight] suffer.” (312-313, Sign of the Moon) It’s not about Briarlight. She loves her sister and at the same time, cannot help being jealous of her, because it’s about Millie’s attention.

Finally, Blossomfall’s family is incredibly important to her. She and her littermates are continuously used for Dovepaw to angst about how she and Ivypaw are no longer close. For example, we get Blossomfall fretting over both of her siblings (327, Night Whispers), then Blossomfall being petty and upset because Bumblestripe chose to train with Dovewing instead of her and Bumblestripe dismissed her as being ridiculous (247, Forgotten Warrior). I’m not saying Blossomfall was in the right, there, but it does show Blossomfall’s devotion to her family and her expectation that her littermates do the same. There are also all of the above examples of them cheering at Briarlight’s ceremony, Blossomfall bringing fresh-kill to share with Briarlight, and the implication that Blossomfall and Bumblestripe would object to the way that Millie talks about Briarlight.

Q: How does Blossomfall react to Millie’s perceived neglect?

A: Another fairly easy one. Blossomfall puts on a front of not caring. When Millie admonishes her for daring to get lost and hurt, Blossomfall doesn’t lash out at her mother, much less Briarlight. She never fights back, she doesn’t tell her mother that she’s being callous and neglectful, she accepts it silently and then tells Ivypool, verbatim, “Whatever. This is just the way that it is now.” She rolls over and accepts it, as much as it hurts her, and the Dark Forest takes advantage of that unresolved pain. (323, Sign of the Moon)

Even earlier in Sign of the Moon, when Blossomfall has just begun training in the Dark Forest (suggesting she has been ignored by Millie long enough that the Dark Forest has been able to draw her in) she wakes up injured and Hazeltail notices. Blossomfall brushes it off, which I would infer is because she’s adjusted to her pain and injury being ignored but you can read as an isolated incident if you really want to, but Hazeltail insists on bringing Millie’s attention to it. Millie dismisses it and Blossomfall is angry, but silent, which again, I would infer is because that’s what Blossomfall expected from Millie and is hurt to have her expectation confirmed (273, Sign of the Moon). This can’t be read as an isolated incident, because Blossomfall is already training in the Dark Forest, therefore Millie has been ignoring her for a while now.

4: Is Blossomfall a bad person?

In conclusion, no.

Blossomfall is upset when her mother stops caring about her well-being and believes that she deserves to go to the Dark Forest because of her jealousy over her sister (313, Sign of the Moon). I’m not saying that her self-hatred means she’s a good person, but it’s obvious that she wouldn’t choose jealousy if she had the option to not feel this way.

Critically, what I want people to take away from this, is that Blossomfall, like all of us, doesn’t have complete control over how she feels. She cannot choose to wake up and simply not be jealous of her sister and be fine with her mother’s indifference to her well-being. She believes that feeling this way makes her a bad person and would, of course, change if she could. The only thing that is within Blossomfall’s control is how she reacts to her jealousy and hurt. And the way that she reacts is by taking it out on herself, by training in the Dark Forest, and by mentally beating herself up for feelings outside of her control. There is not a single example of her lashing out at Millie, or god forbid her sister Briarlight. She is silent in the face of Millie’s bad treatment of her and supportive and loving of Briarlight. Self-hatred is of course, not a virtue, but our society prefers it to harming others.

That’s why I can say with confidence: Blossomfall is a good person, if prone to occasional self-hatred, pettiness, and thoughtlessness. Those are not flaws that make someone evil, just normal and struggling. She is not perfect and completely loveable, but she is not toxic, or spoiled, or unreasonable. She’s just a person who has been hurt by others’ behaviour and punishes herself for things outside of her control. She loves her family, tries to take care of herself, and doesn’t always perform perfectly.

Thanks for reading. I hope you’re at least thinking a little more about previously formed opinions on Blossomfall and that we all continue to read critically in the future.

End note: So why did I call this a lukewarm defence, anyway? Other than making reference to one of my favourite video essayists, Blossomfall is a complex cat often misunderstood by the fandom, but she’s also a shithead. Post-OOTS, she’s pretty unequivocally a kitty-racist. But she’s also Thornclaw’s wife, so it’s not like that’s the only way her character gets yanked out of its previous characterization for the convenience of the plot. Consider this a defence of Blossomfall in Omen of the Stars by a person who would rather pretend she died just after it and A Vision of Shadows (and later books) has another character in her place. I’m not interested in debating Blossomfall’s behaviour post-OOTS. She’s bad, whatever, but don’t smear the good name of her character development in OOTS.

[isitgintimeyet]

Just A Friend

Wow. I’m so, so grateful for the lovely response to chapter 1 of this story. I’ve never had so many notes on one of my posts before, so many, many thanks to everyone who took the time to read, like, reblog and comment on it. i do appreciate it

Thanks also to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta

Previous chapter

AO3

Chapter 2: From Scrubs to Sauvignon

Sunlight streaming through the shutters wakes me before the alarm. After the previous seventy two hours with too much alcohol, not enough sleep and shared hotel rooms, last night’s sleep was a solid nine and a half hours and I feel so much better for it.

Trying, for a moment at least, to ignore both the demands of my bladder and my desperate need for caffeine, I gaze up at the ceiling and contemplate the surgery ahead of me. Whilst it’s a comparatively routine procedure for me, I always think about the families — parents, grandparents, siblings. It’s an anxious time for them, never routine, a step into the unknown and they are putting their trust in me to look after their precious child. Their faith in me is something I take very seriously.

I have a ritual I follow every time before theatre. I take a few minutes to close my eyes and let the procedure play inside my head, my hands echoing the images in my brain. I trace the path my scalpel will take on the skin; I position, in mid air, the locations of the clamps; I work with my imaginary mallet and chisel honing the bone, the X-ray images clear in my head.

By the time I’ve finished closing the incision, the demands of my bladder can no longer be ignored. That’s my cue to get out of bed and start my day.

***********

Before I put my scrubs on, I pay a visit to the side room where Robbie, my seven year old patient has spent the night. His parents have already given consent for the operation, but I like to go and do a final check.

Robbie is sitting up in bed, a bit subdued but in good health. His mother is sitting expectantly, nervously playing with the skin around her nails. The foldaway bed has already been put away, but, judging by her red rimmed eyes, I don’t think it got much use. Robbie’s father follows me into the room, two coffees in his hands.

“Sorry, Doctor Claire,” he nods at the coffee. “I didna get ye one. D’ye want one?”

I let the doctor reference pass. As a surgeon, my title is no longer doctor. Officially, I am Miss Beauchamp, but prefer my juvenile patients to call me Claire. Quite a lot of the parents seem to call me Doctor Claire. I suppose they like the reassurance that I am actually a proper doctor.

“No, thanks.” I smile. “Are we all set then?”

They nod nervously.

“Aye,” Robbie’s father agrees. “We need tae get it done.”

“How long will it take?” Robbie’s mother looks directly at me, wanting a definitive answer.

I hesitate. I don’t like to give precise times. If the surgery goes longer then parents start to fear the worst, and that’s not always the case. So I give a vague answer. “‘Till lunchtime… you could always go and sit outside in the little garden, it’s a lovely day.”

His mother looks down at her hands and shakes her head. “No, I want tae be right here …”

She doesn’t finish her sentence, but she doesn’t have to. I know exactly what she’s thinking.

I turn to Robbie, blissfully unaware of his parents’ thoughts. He beckons me to him.

“When I wakes up,” he begins in a stage whisper. “Can I have a treat?”

“What sort of treat did you have in mind?”

“Can I have a MacDonald’s? But no’ a kid’s meal. I’ve never had a Big Mac.”

I glance at his parents who nod at me before I whisper back, “Of course you can, but don’t let nurse Geillis see, will you? She can be ever so naughty. She’ll be trying to steal your chips away, if you’re not careful.”

And with that, I stroke Robbie’s little cheek before saying my goodbyes and head out to get changed.

**********

Robbie’s surgery went to plan, no nasty surprises or tricky complications. I call in to check on Robbie’s parents before they head to recovery. They look totally different to when I saw them this morning. Still worn out of course, I don’t think they’ll sleep properly until their little lad is home with them, but their faces shine with sheer relief. I have warned them about the long road ahead, with many hours of physiotherapy and exercises, but, for today, I’ll let them have their moment of pure happiness. Reality will hit them again soon enough.

As I leave the waiting room, making my farewells, Robbie’s dad thanks me once more. I can tell he’s unsure whether hugging me is appropriate or not, so he settles for a handshake. His wife has no such qualms, wrapping me tightly in a hug, whispering her thanks until her husband reminds her that they need to be with their son. I point the way and head down to the nurses station.

Geillis is sitting there, looking very busy on the computer. I pull up a chair and sit next to her. The screen is filled with images of our weekend in Barcelona.

“What?” She looks at me as if I’ve accused her of something. “I’m on ma lunch, aren’t I?”

“How was your night then?”

Geillis beams from ear to ear— she’s like the cat who got the cream. “Nay bad, nay bad at all. After two nights away, Dougal realises what he’s got wi’ me, and he dinna hesitate tae show me, if ye ken what I mean?”

She winks at a poor medical student, who blushes and busies himself with a set of medical notes.

“Geillis,” I warn. “Behave yourself.”

“Anyway, pet, how was yer evening? Another tryst wi’ Professor Randall?” Her face says it all. Geillis thinks about as much of Frank as he does of her. Literally the only thing they have in common is me, and it’s getting pretty wearing.

“No, I was worn out and— oh, that reminds me.” I fumble in my pocket for my phone as I carry on talking. “I’ve got someone else’s suitcase. I hope they’ve got mine.”

I glance at the screen. Two missed calls and one message. All from the same number. All from the number I called last night, the James-Fraser-isn’t-here-don’t-call-again-ever number. Looks like this James Fraser has a jealous or suspicious wife-partner-girlfriend-housekeeper.

“Catch up later, Geillis, I need to deal with this.”

I rush back to my office to try and sort the suitcase problem out.

The message is brief and to the point.

Hi, Jamie Fraser here. I think I have your case too. Can we arrange a swap? I live in Glasgow. Hopefully you too. Where and when? I’m free after 5 today.

After five will work for me too, I just need to pop home and pick up his case. Now, based on his wardrobe choices and his one message to me, he doesn’t actually seem like an axe murderer or sex pervert, but you can’t really tell, so I think about a public location.

How about the benches by the cafe at Kelvingrove Park? 5:30? Claire Beauchamp

A couple of minutes later his reply appears on my screen.

Fine. See you then.  I’ll be the one wheeling a black Samsonite. JF

**************

It’s another glorious sunny day here in Glasgow. Just ideal for going for a stroll in the park. I do feel a bit conspicuous with a suitcase trailing along behind me — kind of like an upmarket bag lady.

There are no other suitcases around, so I perch on a bench. I fire a quick message to Geillis, just so that she knows where to direct the police if I disappear and then wait. It’s not too bad waiting. The sun is still warm, so I stretch my legs out trying for a tan. With my eyes closed, I lift my face up to soak up the rays. I may get panda eyes with my sunglasses on, but I don’t really care. The warmth is so good and I can feel myself relaxing totally —

“Ahem.”

I am conscious of a shadow across my face. I open my eyes and quickly stand up.

He’s tall. That’s the first thing I notice. A good few inches taller than me, and I’m 5 feet 9. And broad. Broad enough to block my sun. His hair is red, very red and the sun behind him creates a fiery corona around his head.

He’s a Viking. A Viking in a navy blue suit and a crisp white shirt. How many of those white shirts does he own, I wonder?

“Claire Beauchamp, I presume. I recognise the case. That red ribbon on the handle, such a unique idea.”

He smiles, a lopsided half grin and holds out his hand for me to shake. “Jamie Fraser.”

“Claire Beauchamp,” I say somewhat unnecessarily as we shake hands.

He sits down. “So,” he begins politely. “I hope ye havena come far out of yer way.”

I join him on the bench.

“No,” I gesture vaguely to my right. “I live not too far from here. How about you?”

That lopsided grin appears again. “Nah,” he gestures to his left. “No’ too far at all.”

There’s an awkward moment of silence. We are not really here for small talk, but is it too rude to just dive in and do the swap?

“So,” Jamie breaks the silence. “About the cases…”

Apparently it’s not too rude.

“I ken ye have ma case there, on account of ma contact details being in it, but what about this one? How do I ken this is yers? Black Samsonites with wee red ribbons seem to be awfa common ‘round here. As proof, can ye mebbe tell me something that’s in it? Something identifiable?”

And at this, my mind goes blank, what did I pack?

“Er, denim shorts… black flip flops… white vest—”

“Weel, they’re all verra common. Is there anything a wee bit more… unique?”

Is it my imagination or is there a twinkle in his clear blue eyes as he says this? And then I remember exactly what’s in my case and start to blush.

“There may be some hen party bits and pieces in there too. It was my friend’s hen weekend, so I think there may be some, er, stuff from that, you know, er, handcuffs… shot glasses…”

He puts me out of my misery. “Och, that’s fine. It’s yers, right enough. Here ye go.”

And we do the exchange, just like in the spy movies. Except in those, the cases are filled with bank notes and the top secret blueprints for a submarine base, and not white dress shirts and an assortment of shot glasses shaped like penises.

Our phones beep practically simultaneously. I pull mine out of my pocket. Jamie does the same and glances at his phone.

Mine is a text from Frank confirming tonight’s arrangements “I’d better go. Plans for tonight, you know.”

“Snap. Plans here as well.”

“Goodbye then. I’m not sure whose fault it was, the mixup at the airport. So why don’t we both say sorry, or neither of us?” I suggest as I stand up and smooth the creases from my skirt.

“Sounds good tae me. How about neither?” He smiles again. “Ms Claire Beauchamp, nice to meet you.”

“Mr Jamie Fraser, likewise I’m sure.”

And with that we head off, me to the right and Jamie Fraser to the left.

************

Frank had said 7:30, and, sure enough, at 7:28 my intercom buzzes and I let Frank in. He arrives at my door carrying a large bunch of lilies and roses. No, not a bunch, I can’t describe it as a bunch… carrying a large bouquet of lilies and roses, beautifully arranged and hand-tied. Clearly not a supermarket purchase. Nor is the wine he also hands to me. A chilled bottle of my favourite Sauvignon Blanc, only available from quality wine merchants in the city.

Frank can be incredibly thoughtful and generous, and I am suitably grateful. I pop the flowers into the kitchen sink while I try to locate a vase big enough to hold them.  He walks in as I’m scrabbling around on my hands and knees, bum in the air, head buried in the cupboard under the sink.

“So what are we having for dinner?” He asks as he pours the wine. “Are you cooking?”

I emerge victorious, having found the vase wedged between a bottle of sink unblocker and an unused can of spray starch.

“Sorry?”

“Dinner?” He repeats, helping me to my feet.

“I’ve not had a chance to cook. I told you about the suitcase confusion, didn’t I?  Well, I had to get that sorted. I thought we could have something delivered. That’s ok, isn’t it?”

“I’m sure that will be fine, darling. What would you like?”

What would I like? What I would really like would be a huge, great pizza full of carbs and grease and pepperoni and cheese that pulls into strands when you try to take a slice. And to sit on the floor with the pizza box between us watching Netflix and drinking beer.

But, that is clearly a rhetorical question.

“Thai?” Frank doesn’t wait for my answer.

Thai is the only acceptable takeaway in Frank’s eyes, eaten at a table, on proper plates. I nod my agreement. After all, he’s brought me wonderful flowers, and a gorgeous bottle of wine. He deserves to have the choice. And I can have pizza with my friends any time.

“You ring the order through then, while I arrange these beautiful flowers.” I say and kiss his cheek.

And that is our evening sorted - takeaway, a couple of glasses of wine, Newsnight on the television and then to bed for a bit of sex.

So, that’s food, drink, mind and body all sorted. I should go to sleep feeling satisfied with everything. I should… shouldn’t I?

[thoughtsandbones]

Uncertainty comes between us

WARNINGS: Mention of profanity, self harm scars, scars, fluff, anxiety, medical inaccuracies and just getting the POV of our friendly neighbourhood masked menace.

Plot: Doctor Ruhari Hari Kaur (OC is South Asian ☺️) joins the 141 again, but this time as their doctor. After the betrayal of Shepherd and Graves, Task Force 141 begins their hunt on his whereabouts and locating Makarov.

PLEASE reblog and like! Hope folks are enjoying the series, I am building up characters and plots, cos I have a lot ideas and just been enjoying writing :D

Song inspo: Hurt - Nine Inch Nails, No Blame - Christina Chong, Sinner - The Last Dinner Party

I grew up with the OG MW2 game, so there are some references to the old one, so kind of a mix of both the OG and the new timeline... (Also I'm ignoring the OG Shepherd betrayal and keeping in line the one with the new timeline..)

All rights reserved to the rightful owners of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.

spelling and some grammar mistakes as I am bad at times... :/

(FYI: bold sentences... that are like this... are supposed to describe redacted data/info to the plot... ;] .. )

Please do let me know how you all are finding this fanfic! :D

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12 and PART 13

Part 14

Peyton barged into the infirmary, her grin greeting you when you look up from your laptop.

"Oh piss off!" You moan aloud and you watch her shake her head, her short blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight.

She walks over to your desk, her white coat swinging as she walks.

"What are you doing here?" You bite at her not getting up from your chair and crossing your arms.

"You are being so rude!" Peyton shrieks back "I'm trying to be nice here" she said in a lower tone, laughing a little bit shoving her hands in the pockets of her white coat.

Leaning back and spinning slightly in your chair you roll your eyes.

"How long you been here?" You ask

"6 months" Peyton replies giving you a smile

"How did you know I was back?" You ask, you felt like you were doing an interrogation.

"Heard about a little scuffle you had with Dr Jones" Peyton chuckles, sitting down on the chair opposite you.

You lightly laugh back, still not giving in to the conversation

"How.. you been?" You slowly ask

Peyton gives you a wide smile, and twiddles her fingers against you side of the chair

"I've been good" She says "Heard you had a breakdown at Foxham?" She bluntly said.

Wow, straight to the jugular you think and you scoff at her rolling your eyes and turning the chair with your feet.

"Yep" You say sharply.

"Was it like-" She starts

"I'm not talking about it with you" You snap, circling back facing Peyton. She sighs and leans back in her chair, eyes still stuck to you.

"So you're back with your old crew?" She asks, changing the subject.

"Not my old crew" You say "Just not directly with the RAMC" You add leaning forward, arms sliding along the edge of the desk.

"Going on missions?" She asks, it was now her turn to ask the questions

"No.." You say, not indulging in the fact that you were beginning to train to go on missions.

Peyton looks at you curiously, even though it had been a year or so since you last met, the three years together meant she knew when you were hiding something. You were being blunt and avoiding eye contact.. but there were other reasons as to why you would be still angry with her.

"Yeah.." She mumbles, suddenly her pager goes off, that is attached to the waistband of her scrubs. She looks down and saw that she was needed back in one of the wards.

"We should catch up properly" She suggests at you, you were looking down in your black journal.

Some things do not change she thinks

You look up and nod, smiling weakly at her. "Hmm, yeah we should" You say slyly, staring back at her as she checks her pager.

"Nice seeing you again Ru" She says

"See you around Peyton" You say, smiling and then looking down at your journal, staring down at the blank pages.

Just my luck you wonder. Running into your ex at work. You plant your head on top of the pages of the journal, letting out a small groan.

Price's office

It was 5:36 pm when Ghost knocked on Price's office door, with a deck of cards in his hands, tapping the deck against his thigh as he waited for Price to answer. When the door opened Price was on the other side, Ghost peaked in, no one else was there.

Price had said 5pm for this little pre mission gathering. Of course he had tricked him.

"You said 5pm" Ghost gruffed as he walked in to the office. Price knew Ghost didn't like these 'relaxing' gatherings that he started having after they got back from their last mission from Chicago.

"Team bonding exercise Simon" Price huffs patting his on the shoulder. "I knew you come late if I said it actually started at 6" Price added

Ghost grumbled as he sat down on his usual spot on the sofa, drumming his fingers against the deck of cards resting on his thigh.

"You brought cards Simon!" Price bursted out, smiling at him. Ghost looks away and then looks down at the glasses Price placed down on the coffee table. Ghost counted five glasses.

"Who else is coming?" He asks Price

"Gaz, Soap and Hari" He says turning back to his desk where he brought out a carrier bag, bringing to the side of the coffee table.

"Alrigh'" Ghost said

"How was training with her?" Price asks sitting down on his armchair.

"She's lacking crucial core strength, but will improve" He said

"Hmm" Price mumbles "You haven't told-" Price starts

"Not now" Ghost interrupted him, knowing full well where the conversation was going. "Need to focus on this next mission" he adds looking over to Price who nods

There was a rhythmic knock on the door, Price got up and opened it, Soap and Gaz came in.

"Alrigh' Cap?" Gaz says holding a board game, scrabble, in his hand.

"Got Monopoly" Soap says tapping this box

"Looks like it's turning into a games night" Price said closing the door behind him, checking his watch, it was 5:55pm

"Actually sir, this is yours" Gaz says handling the scrabble box to him and taking a seat on the other armchair whilst Soap sat on the sofa and the both laughed.

"Was wondering where this went" Price said setting the game on the coffee table, he was about to sit down, until there was another knock on the door.

Ghost looked up at the door, his heartbear quickened.

"Hari! You made it" Price said patting you on the shoulder, he noticed you holding a mug, Price let out a small chuckle as he let you walk in.

Walking into the office with your mug, and you notice the rest of the team were already there, Gaz, Soap and of course Ghost. You scan round looking for a place to sit, but the only viable option was the small space between Ghost and Soap on the sofa. You notice both men ogle at your bare legs briefly before shifting to the sides as you make your way to the empty spot.

Price orders Gaz to get some ice from the his break room next door, Gaz gets up and leaves.

Ghost switched his gaze from your long brown legs to your pale green shorts and back down at the deck of cards still in its box, he shifts slightly as he sees you in the corner of his eye move to the small space between. Ghost shifts himself further into the arm of the sofa as you sit down.

Bad idea wearing shorts you think as you sit down between Ghost and Soap.

"How you doin' lassie?" Soap asks grinning at you

You turn to look at him, looking blankly at his grin spreading across his face.

"Not bad, yourself?" You say, squeezing your legs together, both Ghost and Soap had their legs spread.

Gaz returns with a bowl full of ice and sets it down on the table and returns to the small armchair.

"Better now" He says winking at you, you smile flatly at him, looking down at empty mug still in your hand.

Ghost overhears what Soap said and turns to him and looks at you, you turn to him.

"How are you lieutenant?" You ask.

He looks down at you, blue eyes baring into your glassy brown eyes, this was the first time he was in close proximity with her.

"Good" he says, trilling his fingers against the desk of cards still in his hand.

"Captain, you're allowing us to drink this evening?" Gaz says perking up at the sight of Price holding a bottle of dark amber liquid in his hand as he heads back to his chair.

"Just one lads" He says "And lass" Price adds looking up at you, now remembering you were here too.

"Nice" Gaz says who quickly grabs a glass from the centre and places a few cubes of ice in it.

"Aye, what is it sir?" Soap says reaching for a glass.

"Scotch" Price says pouring in Gaz's glass that he held.

"So no tea?" You say gesturing to your mug that was in your hand, moving slightly forward.

Ghost looks down at the empty mug that you held within your hands, his eyes linger on your skin, looking at the mole on your right knee.

"Yer can have tea if you'd like, kettle is next door" Price says sitting down on his chair

"Try a bit o' scotch Doc" Soap says nudging you as he grabs a glass from Price and hands it over to you. You take the hand off him and stare at the ice surrounded by the amber liquid.

"Guessin' you never had scotch" Gaz says

"Oh I've had whiskey before" you say "Just don't like the burning sensation"

Ghost can't help but roll his eyes at your comment.

"You've not had good whiskey" He said looking at you as he grabs his glass from Price.

"Ghost loves his whiskey" Gaz laughs and Ghost grunts in response, you smile at Gaz and then turn to Ghost who was focused on the contents of his glass.

"Alright lads and lass" Price begins, bringing his glass up in the air "To a safe mission, cheers" He brings is glass in the middle and the glasses clinks with the others.

You take a sip of the scotch, and couldn't help but wince as the liquid scorched your throat and left a bitter taste on your tongue. You meet Soap's eyes and he laughs at your disgusted face.

"You're supposed to savour it" Soap says, swirling his glass in his hand.

"Savour what? The burning?" You retort, rolling your eyes and placing the glass on the coffee table.

Ghost pulled down his mask once he took a sip. He let the whiskey slide over his tongue before swallowing it. He couldn't detect any other flavours apart from burnt oak. Price got the shit whiskey.

"Shit whiskey that's why" Ghost said looking at Price who tutted and sat back in chair.

"Well I couldn't your fancy whiskey from Tesco's Si-Ghost" Price said, slipping up on Ghost's name. He cleared his throat and took another sip of the whiskey to avoid the glare coming from Ghost.

"Does this fancy whiskey actually have flavour?" You ask, turning to Ghost. Ghost meets your gaze, your brown eyes luring him in.

"Yes" He says, turning away from you so he could take another sip when he lifted his mask up.

"Noah's Mill cost a bloody fortune" Gaz says "£80 for some american whiskey"

"Tastes good though" Soap chimes in

"Prefer a good pint of Budweiser" Gaz replies

"You ain't got fine taste" Ghost says turning to Gaz

"Ghost you drink like an old man" Gaz adds and takes another sip of the scotch.

Ghost shakes his head and drums his fingers against the glass.

"Yer like to drink doc?" Soap says clearing his throat and turns to you, his knees touching yours.

"Not much, can't deal with the hangovers" You say, and take another small sip of the whiskey, this time letting the liquid settle over your tastebuds, trying to see if there was any flavour to this drink. None. You swallow and wince again at the burning.

"Canny imagine you being this wild party lass" Soap says smiling

"No, I wasn't, would have a few drinks after work at the hospital" You say, not giving into the bad benders you'd go on...

You swirl the glass in your hands, feeling squashed slightly between Soap and Ghost.

"Alright, let's play a game" Gaz says, sensing your discomfort. "Cards Ghost?" He said looking at the deck of cards placed on the edge of the coffee table near Ghost. Ghost picked the deck up and handed it to Gaz.

"Rummy?" You suggest

"Good idea" Price says nodding towards you.

Gaz shuffles and deals out the cards. Ghost picks up his stack and partakes in the game, silently observing you and everyone. Nights before a mission were always uneasy for him. The dread of not coming back lingered in the back of his head. And now, with you here. What if he couldn't come back for you?

Soap played his run and picked up a card from the stockpile, Price and Gaz exchanges looks of curiosity, it was Price's turn and he picked a card from the discarded pile and huffed. Gaz, threw down three kings and then it was Ghost's turn. He picked up a card, five of clubs, and then looked over to you. You held your cards close to your chest and picked up a card, queen of hearts, and then threw down three queens with your left hand. The one he nearly crushed.

The game ran for a few rounds, Gaz making a quip at Soap, saying that he was cheating somehow, Soap getting defensive and muttering to himself in his Scottish slang. Price, who's pile of cards in his hands seem to grow as he didn't play his run. You laughed as Gaz threw down his last run, and yelled

"WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!" Pointing at Soap, who threw his cards down on the coffee table and scoffed. Gaz collected the cards and placed them on the box and handed them back to Ghost.

Price looked at his watch, it was nearly 9:15 and the crew had to be up in a few hours.

"It's time for some sleep" Price said, slapping his thighs with his hands. "We need to be fresh for 4am" He adds

The others nod and mumble in agreement and slowly get up. Ghost was the first to get up and head to the door, he turned back towards Price

"Cheers Price, G'night all" He said nodding at everyone in the room. He was met with a chorus of good nights, Soap yawned and waved at him. He saw you smile at him before he left.

"Be safe, and I'll be here when you all get back" You say, picking up the mug and moving towards the door.

"Thanks Doc" Soap says

"Good night Doc, we'll see you when we get back" Gaz said, he puts his fist out and you bump it with yours and smile at him.

"Good night everyone" You say again, leaving Price's office and heading back to your quarters. When will they return you did not know, but you wished they'd come back safely.

...

You laid in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Placing the covers over your head you shut your eyes and trying to drift off. The little cover you made became too hot , tossing the covers off and laying on your back you stare at the ceiling. There was a knock at your door. Throwing the covers off, you look at the alarm clock on the side table, the red numbers that read 10:15 pm flared in the dark.

Who would be needing me at this time? You wondered, getting up from the bed, turning the lamp on, putting on a pair of shorts that lay on your chair, not wanting to great who was on the other side in your bright pink lacy underwear. Opening the door you were greeted by the masked man, Ghost, wearing a think black t-shirt, his muscular veiny arms on show.

Ghost himself was unable to sleep, guilt riddled him as he lay in his own bed. The worry lingered in him before the mission as always, but there was something else, he had to make sure your arm was okay.

"Lieutenant, are you alright?" You ask, rubbing your eyes before looking up at him.

"Yeah, I just..." He trailed off, looking at you and then behind into your room, your bed covers a mess. Clearly he had just woken you up and the guilt increased within him.

"Your arm okay?" Ghost asks, clearing his throat, looking down at your left arm.

Looking down at your forearm, you remember the grip he had. The dull pain came and went, but it wasn't agonising. There was a little bruise from where he grabbed you, lifting your arm up to show him.

"It's all good" You say, smiling slightly.

Why are you so concerned? You thought

Ghost notices the dark red bruise on the forearm you held up in his eyeline. He looked back into your doe eyes and gently took ahold of your wrist, turning your arm over so he could see the other side. Three long red marks, remnants of his fingers that gripped the flesh, trying to crumble the bones had painted your brown skin.

"It's nothing Lieutenant" You say watching him analyse the marks he left. He brought his left hand up, tracing the bruise he made with his fingers, his rough skin going against your soft skin.

"Ghost?" You say, bewildered at how gentle he was being

"Hmm"

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm" He mumbled gently, his steely blue eyes fixed on your arm.

Ghost continued to trace the bruise with his fingers, the warmth coming off your skin was strangely comforting him. He looked up and saw the white scars scattered across your arm. Without thinking, he began to move his fingers, tracing the bumps of the horizontal scars that were near your inner elbow.

You looked at his scars that were on his arms, bigger and judging by the pink and white tissue, these were deeper. Your eyes meets the tattoos on his left forearm, skulls, bullets and bombs.

"These happened a long time ago" Ghost concluded, breaking the silence.

"Yes" You whisper, trying to pry your hand back from Ghost's hands, he let go.

"You don't do that anymore?" He said folding his arms across his chest looking down at you, still in the doorway of your room.

"No sir" You say looking back at him, moving back into your room. "Would you like to come in?" You ask

Ghost takes a deep breathe in. He knew he was in dangerous territory, his eyes flickered to your bed and then around your room. Stepping in to your room, he closed the door behind him slightly, folding his arms again.

"Can't sleep sir?" You say looking at Ghost, now in the middle of your room.

"Just needed to make sure your arm is okay" Ghost said "That was irresponsible of me" He added

"You had a panic attack sir, it's understandable. Plus, I am okay, otherwise I would've said" You reply smiling at him

The upfront honesty was a breath of fresh air for Ghost. He moved closer to you.

"I owe you a cuppa Doc" He said

You look at his blue eyes glazed and became slightly crinkled, a sign you took for him smiling underneath his mask.

"Yorkshire chai when you come back then" You say looking up him smirking.

Ghost gave out stifled huff, turning away from you to the little lamp on your bedside table and then back to you. The yellow hue had bathed your skin, your eyes turning a shade honey brown, drawing him in.

Just like that he stepped closer to you, reaching his arms out, pulling you into him. He wrapped his left arm over your back and his right he held your head in his chest. Ghost closed his eyes, hoping you wouldn't pull away.

You were shocked at first, but you wrapped your arms around his waist, squeezing tight. Taking his scent, a mix of cigarettes and musk, eiter from his aftershave or antiperspirant.

Ghost slowly let you go, his hands bracing your shoulders, he cleared his throat and looked at you as your held onto his elbows.

"Sorr-" He began

"Did you know there was study that showed hugs reduce blood pressure and stress" You blurt

Ghost was taken aback, and smirked under his mask and let go of you, folding his arms across his chest again.

"Yes, levels of oxytocin increase in the brain" You add "Just some things I know" You say smiling brightly at Ghost

"Hmm" He mumbled "Do feel a bit better" He added

"Good" You reply. "As your doctor, I am happy to help" You add looking at Ghost, whose eyes began to wonder around your room where they finally rested on the alarm clock on your table that read 10:40 pm

"Need to actually sleep" He said, gazing back at you, you nod and smile at him

"Big day tomorrow" You whisper "Good luck with the mission, I'll see you when you're back for that tea"

"'Course doc" Ghost said, he moved to the door and walked out, stopping momentarily to look back at you "Thank you... for the hug.." He mumbled, avoiding your eyes.

You laugh slightly, and walk towards the doorway and look at his steely blue eyes. "Anytime Ghost, I'll always be here" You beam at him and he nods at you

"Good night Doc" He said

"Good night lieutenant" You reply and wave at him as he walked off down the corridor to his room. Closing the door you let out of a sigh and a smile had taken a hold of your face.

There was something there between the two of you, you were not sure what, but there was some weird kind of pull that made you curious about the masked man, Ghost.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Was reading your response to the Okumura Ryuji/Morgana fight, and the way the person worded Ryuji's character made me wanna ask... Do you think a bad fanbase is a fair reason to dislike a character? I've heard people say things like "no look at the character too", but... For example, I'm very neutral on Ryuji. When he's good, hes SO GOOD, EXCELLENT BOY, but Ann is my favorite girl. Guess who he pervs on exclusively and is rude to all the time? I've never seen his fans talk about (1/2 sorry)

His rude behavior, or his pervy tendencies, or his more selfish desires regarding the PT. That's fine!! Not everyone wants to constantly talk about bad things their fave has done!!! But people referring to him as a "woman respecting king" so insistently rubs me the wrong way, since he treats Ann Like That. That, and (more personal) i remember making a post/ask thing once about my grievances with Ryuji, esp his perv stuff, and the fans that interacted very aggressively denied his behavior (2/3)

And it even turned into a big discourse on the blog I submitted it to (it was that one confession blog). All the people that responded and just tried moving the arguments to "well Yusuke did this-" or even tried to push blame on Ann "she was asking for it" just kinda cemented my already growing dislike for Ryuji. Super sorry this is so long!!! Final question: is a bad fanbase a fair reason for disliking a character? (3/3)

Don’t say sorry about multiple sent asks, I don’t mind kfdsjla;fja As for the answer, I want to say yes and no, but really it’s just “yes with a side note attached.” Yeah, it’s ok to not like a char because of their fans, but I think it’s as long as you know why you dislike the char beyond the fans (well tbh, imo it’s usually the crazy fans so I think stans is a better word, but even then there’s diff stans). And tbh, I....can’t....think of a character I don’t like that the fandom/fanbase does....but I know nothing about the char all the while (closest and most recent example this....is....I know people dislike that grey haired moe blob on twitter even tho I don’t think they watched the show, and while I’m not a fan of the moeblobness I don’t know anything about the char so I’m personally not upset). I can only name chars I don’t like because of what happens in the text, fandom be damned (but sometimes they don’t help). Which is why it’s a yes with a side note. If you don’t like the char despite not knowing them.....probably get to know the char first even if your impression is clouded by the fandom....at least you gave the char a chance. 

Under cut cause length (first few sentences in the first paragraph under the cut/tldr at the end gives you the answer a bit more in depth, the rest is rants related to that and why I get frustrated in a similar sense too, but yeah sorry if I repeat myself, I kinda jumped all over + my tendency to try to nail a point home I feel like might’ve had me repeat a bit more than usual akslfjdakfjaf):

I say this because.....it’s hard....it’s hard to keep them separated, unless you completely isolate yourself from the fandom (which is basically impossible if you wanna keep up with news, even the comment section is part of the fandom tbh...and you might be looking down their for diff reasons). And then.....well...the big reason....sometimes seeing the fans really highlights the reasons you dislike the char. That’s what happened to me and Makoto, specifically cause of....a certain fan (and buddy if you happen to see this, nothing against you, no bad blood, def won’t mention your name I respect you and the debates we had)....AND TO THE TUMBLR READERS WHO GET NERVOUS: It wasn’t on this website in case anyone is freaking out so if you’re thinking “Oh god it’s me” it is most likely not you (tho I think we do know each other on here cause of usernames/saw each other in passing but we def aren’t mutuals last time I checked), and while I do respect that person.......my god did they highlight the reasons I had issues with P5 and Makoto. Ironically in trying to defend her and show off her good sides, I realized the writing issues more and more and her bad sides became more glaring. It turned my frustrating dislike and attempt to try to work out my issues with her and P5 (ironically “working out” in hindsight would’ve been me....denying and refusing to look at P5′s flaws) into....well......the salt factory you know today. (same thing happens with like......Yukari and Junpei fans too tbh...that’s more recent tho, it feels like they are just downplaying their negatives constantly and I’m not about that). Basically, you probably have issues already, they are just more pronounced now. 

As for “look at the character”....you kinda already are doing that, and that’s probably where your existing issues originated from (tho if someone wants a more in depth reason as to why, while you DON’T OWE them an explanation, it is also hard for someone to understand your feelings and reasons if you don’t try to explain). 

As for Ryu, yea, I getcha, I like the guy, I’m neutral positive on him....was my best bro but he’s 2nd best thanks to post-Kamo writing. I like him because of his positives, but I always keep his negs in mind because. Cause like while I agree with the fans IT MAKES NO SENSE! P5′S WRITING IS BAD! it happened, same as I agree that Anne kicking Ryu’s ass, along with the other girls, is shitty. Hate the scene, and I accept that it happen (low key gonna start some kinda 2nd wave war with this bs cause the fandom be like that, but I’m really surprised no one took Anne smacking Ryu behind the neck cause he was being too loud as super offensive and abuse.......it’s def something a friend might do, not like belting him just a tap, and it’s framed as chill and also as warning him to reign in the volume control, but high key surprised no one has tried to cancel her cause of that). BUT that DOESN’T mean it erases all the creepy stuff he’s done. Is he the goodest boi when he’s being good? The best. Is he always a good boi? No, he def is not. And hearing that he is can be frustrating to people that do see his flaws (cause they are there). And like....you are 100% able to like a character despite and because of their flaws, while also accepting they have those flaws. I do it with Yosuke, Ryuji (for the most part), Teddie, Shinji, Ken, Kanji (when he’s not around Naoto, then he’s in a trash can for me), P1/2 casts, Aigis, Mitsuru, as long as the flaws are within reason and are treated pretty well....then I’m ok with it. (again, Kanji/Ryu have moments when I’m like....NOPE! but when they aren’t doing the bad thing I’m cool with them). As long as the flaws are withing reason (aka they aren’t making a jerk person out to be the person in the right, or the writing is trying to sweep what they did under the rug, or trying to force us into empathizing with them despite what they did while also trying ot sacrifice empathy towards another char.....*cough*Makoto/Yukari/Junpei*cough* if the writing isn’t doing that...... I’m probs neutral to pos on them). 

Like I’m fine if they are criticizing the writing and being like “Him doing this makes no sense cause it conflicts with the good boi we’ve already seen!” That’s a-ok! Not only do you recognize your char has flaws, you also are able to identify issues with the writing. But saying “so I’ll choose to ignore that scene” isn’t....ok. Because sadly it did happen, as contradictory it did happen. AU it all you want, but you have to accept it happened outside of that AU. Like, I don’t like the Mika conflict in Anne’s CoOp, by which I don’t like how it went down (100% fine with Mika, and there being conflict with her). How it the whole thing started doesn’t make sense if you put MainStory!Anne in her CoOp. MS!Anne can read the room and other people’s emotions (only other person capable of that is Haru, or at least with Mona), hell she was so good at it she noticed something was up with Shiho without Shiho telling her about it! The issue was the fact Anne’s not a mind reader and could only assume the issue Shiho was going through that Anne was aware of (and that was her spot on the team). Now MS!Anne is not like Yosuke, she doesn’t put her foot in her mouth. She’s not like Naoto who can’t read the room. She’s not super eloquent, but can empathize and when she can interact with people she can do it pretty well. So why the hell does she basically not think before talking and insult Mika? Sure Anne’s not GREAT at school, but she’s not a moron, she can talk to people. But her CoOp makes her a moron all around, 100% airhead, and that’s how her issues with Mika start, by not thinking before talking and accidentally insulting her via blatantly “not caring” about the job to a full time person......it’s stupid, it makes no sense, I hate it. But it’s there, the flaw might not be present in the main story, but for the all around character (cause CoOps are included) it is now and I just have to deal with it. We can bitch about it all day (and trust me I will) but it happened. Basically never frame it as “it didn’t happen,” but instead “It SHOULDN’T HAVE happened.” One is denial, the other is critiquing the text. 

Anyway my rant aside, yeah I hate it when...well Ren/Ryu/Yusuke (no one’s said Mona yet, cause....well yeah...which is good they haven’t labeled him as it yet tho), are labeled as “drinking respect women juice” and I’m like “I have one to a few women who would disagree.” I know some people will argue Goro is drinking it, and imo he’s not....he’s just eating the “I don’t discriminate sandwich” which is different. And yeah the “But Yusuke-” yeah yeah we’ll get to him, but right now we’re talking about RYUJI. I’m not a fan of derailing a topic *war flashbacks* *shivers* anyway. But yeah I remember that debate, I was probably one who was like “We’ll get to Yusuke but right now we’re talking about Ryuji” and pushing the blame onto Anne is disgusting and Kamo Arc!Ryuji would be very upset. >:( (btw high key I think I was the first one who started the first anti-makoto war wave with me saying “yeah Anne shouldn’t have apologized Makoto started it and blah blah she was an ass” not the exact words but basically just calling her out on her shitty behavior cause the game certainly didn’t......tho as Miley Cyrus would say.....”I didn’t mean to start a waaaaaar~!” I actually wrote my first Persona Problems on that topic.......but it got lost in the drafts....my photo examples kept getting messed up which is bad considering the whole post really relied on them....I should try to dig it up tbh....)

Tldr/short answer: Yeah, you probably already have issues with the char to begin with tbh, and the fanbase can highlight those issues more. It’s also hard to escape the fanbase (I see stuff I don’t wanna see despite trying my hardest to avoid certain circles, it just happens).

[poisxnyouth]

hs!david chapter 2. (d.d)

A/N: perhaps we went off... -hailey

@idkdobrik

WC: 9,895 words

Warnings: weed, drinking, slight noncon (nothing comes of it, though)

You had believed things would turn weird between you and David, that normal things would become oddly intimate and awkward. You surely hoped it wouldn’t, but fucking your best friend of several years isn’t exactly a normal thing and it’s definitely not an easy thing to adjust to. You deeply hoped he wouldn’t regret it, because you certainly didn’t, and if you were being honest with yourself: you definitely wanted to do it again.

You’re woken by a smack over the head, a dainty hand slapping harshly across your forehead.

“Ow!” you groan, looking up to see Natalie standing over you.

“I just got back from dropping my sisters off, but I’m heading out again in a minute,” she says, completely ignoring the fact she’d just beat you while you were sleeping, “I’ve got to go shopping and pick some stuff up for tonight. Do you need anything?”

“No, I don’t think so - thank you, though,” you reply, mood quickly changing, “But you bitch! Why the fuck did you hit me? You couldn’t have said ‘Hey, Y/N, get up!’?” Natalie laughs, rolling her eyes and shrugging slightly. You see David on the other couch, rolling onto his back and smacking his forearm over his eyes, blocking the light.

“Is it absolutely necessary for you guys to be yelling right now? Jesus. I’m tired as fuck.”

You grab the pillow from under your head and throw it at him, his face twisting in disgust at the move. He chucks it back at you, pulling his blanket into his chest and mumbling a Fuck you, you bitch.

“Anyways, as I was saying,” Natalie begins and you turn your attention back to her, laughing softly. “I’m about to leave again, and I’ll probably be gone for a few hours. You guys can stay here if you want, but don’t burn the place down. I’ll be back in time for all of us to get ready together.”

You and David share a look you’re not exactly sure how to describe, eyes cutting away from each other before you nod at Natalie and ensure her you two will be good. She nods and turns, grabbing her keys from the kitchen counter and waving half-heartedly behind her, yelling a “See you guys later! Love you!” and disappearing before you hear the shutting of her front door.

You grab your phone from beside you and check the time, realizing that you’d slept in a lot later than you’d intended. You sigh, tossing your phone onto the bland carpeted floor and rolling onto your stomach, arms wrapped around your pillow.

After coming to the conclusion you were too awake to even attempt falling asleep again, you reach for your phone once more, absentmindedly scrolling through social media, liking pictures and replying to people’s texts.

You had thought David had fell back to sleep when Natalie left, but when you look over, he’s laying on his side, eyes nervously flitting between you and his phone. You’d catch him, every now and then, eyeing you and looking away quickly - an attempt to pretend he hadn’t been caught.

“Stop staring, freak. Didn’t your mom ever teach you staring is rude?” you tease.

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart,” he laughs as he rolls over onto his side, facing your direction.

“Oh my god, babybabybaby stop. I’m seriously about to bust,” you mimic, David rolling his eyes and scoffing.

“Please cum for me, Davey. I wanna be good for you,” he mocks in response, “Oh, how about, ‘David, please let me see it. I wanna see it. I just want you inside of me.’”

You can think of no response, rolling your eyes and scoffing as you fall into a comfortable silence, both of you absentmindedly scrolling through your phones.

You look down at the dark hickey at the top of your tit, asking David, “What does yours look like?”

“My what? Oh.” He looks down at his own, pulling the skin back for a better view and shrugging lightly, “It’s not too bad.”

“I don’t know how you didn’t start bleeding. Let me see,” you move from your spot on your couch over to him, sitting on the edge of his couch next to his reclined form and pushing the neckline of his t-shirt back. “Damn. Sorry.”

David shrugs, “It’s fine. Hurt like hell when you did it, though. Let me see yours.” He sits up, hands hovering over yours as you pull the neck and cup of your bra down slightly.

“Shit,” he exclaims, fingertips brushing over the skin, gently moving to replace your hands. He meets your eyes briefly before he looks at the dark spot once more, head dropping. You feel his mouth envelop you, sucking harshly, teeth scraping the skin slightly as your fingers thread through his hair.

You tug tightly on the strands and pull him up and off of you, “David!”

“What?” He doesn’t look at you, eyes watching his hands as they grope your tits.

“Don’t make it worse!”

“Why?” Dave asks obliviously, “I like it that way.”

“Someone will notice tonight! You can probably see it when I wear my dress. We’re gonna have to cover them before Nat sees - you know that, right?” He looks down at his own, shrugging lightly.

“It’s fine, Y/N - look, just say you got dick last night. It’s not like they’ll know it was me, mine’s hidden. Just leave it.”

You scoff and move off of him as he chuckles lightly and shakes his head at you, moving to grab his phone.

“She’s not stupid, she’ll know,” you snap, shuffling to the kitchen to sort through Nat’s cupboards in search of something to aide the severity of the marks. He groans loudly, laying back against the arm of the couch. You grab an ice cube from the freezer, holding it to the bruised spot and scrolling through your phone. Once it’s melted, you grab another one and move back to the living room, dropping yourself in David’s lap.

He yelps in surprise, hands moving to your waist. You push the neck of his t-shirt away and hold the ice cube to his collarbone, causing him to shriek.

“What the fuck, Y/N!”

“Jesus, Dave, you can’t even handle an ice cube, huh? Good to know.”

“You can’t even take my dick,” he shoots back, laughing as you scoff and hit his shoulder.

You can’t think of a response quick enough before his fingers find your hair and tugs softly, tipping your head back gently as he sits up straighter. You moan quietly and he smirks, fully aware of the effect he has on you. As his free hand runs gently up and down your bare thigh, he uses the one in your hair as leverage, kissing down your neck as you begin to speak.

“I could have taken it…But you - you wouldn’t let me,” you stutter, grinding against as his hands leave your thighs and hair to quickly grip your ass.

“You think you can?” he challenges, moving your hair out of your face and looking into your eyes. You nod in his hold.

“I know I can,” you attest, eager to prove yourself to him.

“Show me, Y/N,” he whispers, long fingers wrapping around your neck and squeezing lightly. His free hand toys with the waistband of your shorts, fingers creeping along the edges and pulling.

You shudder as his hot breath hits your ear, suddenly becoming impatient as you feel yourself getting wetter by the second. At this point, you were practically leaning into his touch without even realizing, causing him to scoff.

“You can’t even go 12 hours without wanting more, huh Y/N?” he sighs, seemingly disappointed as he moves his hand closer to your pussy, sliding further down the front of your shorts. “Didn’t I say you’d be back? Huh, baby? Didn’t think it’d be so soon, though...”

“Please, David,” you whine as you don’t even attempt to bicker with him, barely able to form a sentence.

“You’re so needy,” he tuts, shaking his head and pushing your hair out of your face, pressing a wet, quick kiss to your lips before pushing you to lay on your back, pulling your shorts and underwear off together. He didn’t want to waste any more time than he needs to; you were out in the open and Natalie would be home soon enough.

He wants to go down on you, it’s all he wants, but he needs to take his time with it: time you currently don’t possess.

You’re losing your patience, squirming under his touch as he pushes your shirt up and off you. He moves off of the couch to grab another condom from his bag and you begin to roll your eyes, stopping when he gives you a stern look and kisses you quickly, a silent reminder of who you’re messing with.

It doesn’t take long for him to push his shorts past his hips and be lined up, slowly pushing into you. You throw your head back, letting out a moan you don’t recognize as your own, fingers digging into his shoulders. He takes a moment to glance between you, ensuring you’re okay before he completely bottoms out, hips stilling.

“Fuck,” He mumbles, dropping his head to your chest. He pauses to let you adjust, breathing slowly. You focus on a certain spot on the ceiling, trying your best not to cry as you attempt to pull him closer.

“Holy shit. Holy fucking shit, baby,” David spews, pushing his torso off of you to focus his gaze on you. You hear him, not fully comprehending his words as you feel him grab your hand, placing it on your lower stomach and feeling a small mound underneath your fingers.

“You feel that? Feel how deep I am?”

You lift your hand and look down, looking back at the ceiling and gasping.

“Holy fuck, David,” you whisper, moving your hand to the back of his neck. You’re squeezing around him so hard he nearly collapses on top of you, one hand moving to rest beside your head, holding himself up.

“Baby, relax. I’ve got you, I promise.” His hand rests on your cheek, running his thumb along your cheekbone and hushing you when you begin quietly whimpering. He gently kisses away the tears that slip out of the corners of your eyes when he slowly pulls out and pushes back in.

“Davey, it hurts,” you mumble, digging your nails deeper into the back of his neck and pulling him closer.

“I know, baby. I know. D’you want me to stop?”

You quickly shake your head, because as much as it hurts, you trust him and trust the process. You felt truly comfortable with him, and you knew he didn’t only care about himself. He took his time with you, paying attention to how your body responded to him and uses it to make you feel good; he cares about you, and it shows.

Your thoughts are cut off when he attaches his lips to yours, swallowing your moans as he starts thrusting slowly. He kisses down your neck, hand gripping your thigh.

“Are you okay, baby?” He asks, holding your face to look at him. Your eyes flutter, vision blurred with tears. You nod, sniffling and leaning up, kissing him sloppily.

“Can I-,” His voice sounds pained, evident of his attempt to keep himself together.

“Yes, please, Davey, go,” you breath out, legs tightening around his waist. His hips start moving faster, a string of profanities leaving his lips.

Your phone on the carpet begins ringing, Dave groaning and stopping his movements, running a hand through his hair.

“Just ignore it,” you hiss, trying to buck your hips up to meet his. He looks down at your phone and sighs.

“It’s Nat,” he points out, allowing you to grab it from the ground and answer it.

“Hey,” you greet her, trying your best not to sound annoyed.

“Hey, how’s it going? Is the house still in tact?” You laugh at her question, David grunting softly at the feeling.

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I just got done with my nails and I’m at the liquor store with Jackson’s sister. Do you want Tito’s or Fireball?”

You’re about to answer when David begins to move his hips again, hands on your waist. You look up at him, eyes wide, and he smirks before mouthing keep talking.

“Um…” you close your eyes, attempting to focus on your words and not David’s movements. “Sorry, what were the options again? David’s being an asshole.”

“Tito’s or Fireball?” she repeats, oblivious to your struggle.

“Dave says Tito’s,” you manage to say, moving your hand up to bite your finger.

“Okay! You brought your flask, right?”

“Yes, ma’am, I did.”

“Cool. I’ll be home in 15, love you!”

“Loveyoutoo,” you hang up immediately after the words leave your mouth, throwing your phone back onto the floor, not caring where it landed. You’re about to smack David and call him an asshole but before you can, he begins moving his hips faster and drops a hand between you to rub your clit.

“We don’t have a lot of time, baby, so I need you to cum now,” he demands. You nod and whimper under his touch, knowing you wouldn’t be able to get a word out if you tried.

“C’mon, Y/N, please,” he moves his hand from your clit and pushes down on your lower stomach. “I need you to cum for me.”

You throw your head back against the couch, digging your nails into his shoulder so hard you nearly break the skin. You clench around him until he can barely move, David finishing right after and brushing the hair out of your face, pressing a quick, messy kiss to your lips.

“Alright, we gotta get ready quick before Nat gets here,” he says, pushing himself off of you and removing the condom, tying it up and pulling his shorts back up his hips. He moves to his bag and digs hurriedly through it, pulling out a hoodie and heading to the bathroom.  You still feel spaced out and want to just lay there, but you know if Natalie comes home to find you half naked on her couch, you’re gonna have some explaining to do.

You manage to limp to your bag, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie and pulling them on before giving up entirely. You allow yourself to drop to the floor, unable to stay balanced on your legs which were now beginning to cramp up. David comes out of the bathroom to see you sitting on the carpet, looking at him helplessly.

“Baby, you gotta-.“

“My legs hurt, I can’t walk,” you pout, beginning to panic slightly because Natalie would be home any minute. David runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

“Fuck. Okay, just...go upstairs and sit down and start doing your makeup or something. Can you get up the stairs?” He scrambles over to you, pulling you to your feet. You hold onto his shoulders for stability, nodding your head.

“I think so.” He gives you another brief kiss, tapping your ass softly before turning you to the staircase, watching as you hobble up the steps.

David grabs his phone and throws himself onto the couch in an attempt to make it look like he’d been sitting there when he hears the front door being unlocked. Natalie walks in, bags in her hands and shuts the door with her foot.

“Hey, Dave,” she says, setting the bags on the counter.

“Hey!”

“Where’s Y/N?” She asks, scrolling through her phone.

“Upstairs.”

“Is she getting ready?”

“I think so?”

Natalie stuffs her phone back into her pocket and shuffles to the stairs. “Good, we have to take pictures before we start drinking. C’mon.”

He follows her up the stairs and into her room where you’re already sitting on the floor in front of her mirror. Your eyes quickly meet in the reflection, David looking away almost immediately.

David lays in bed on his phone while you and Nat get ready, quietly making conversation with Dave chiming in every once in a while.

“Nat, can you help me up?” You ask casually, finishing your makeup before her. She drops her mascara and helps you from your spot on the floor, squeezing your hands tighter when you stumble a bit.

“Woah, you alright?”

You laugh, “Yeah, my legs just fell asleep.” Brushing it off, you grab your dress from Nat’s closet. “I’m gonna go change.”

Once you’re in the bathroom with the door locked, you hang your dress up on the hook and pull your hoodie off, admiring how good of a job you’d done at covering up the hickey on your tit. You wondered if you should try to cover up David’s, ultimately deciding not to bother as his clothes would cover it.

You walk back into Natalie’s room, her replacing you in the bathroom, with your sweats and hoodie in one arm, other holding your dress to your chest to ensure it wouldn’t fall off of you. Your dress is a two piece, and you’d been able to zip up the skirt easily but you hadn’t been able to do the top. You had given up trying, throwing your clothes on Natalie’s floor.

“Zip me up?” David stands from the bed, tossing his phone onto the mattress and you turn, holding your hair up and out of the way while he zips up the back of your dress, patting your hip to let you know you were good.

“Baby, you look great,” he compliments in a murmur as you turn around, hands moving south to push up your skirt, quickly grabbing your ass and pressing a kiss to your neck. You push him away as he giggles quietly, hands leaving you.

“Nat, you almost ready?” You ask, Natalie mumbling out a vague response somewhere along the lines of not yet.

“I’m gonna go change, come with me,” David orders. You obey and follow, letting Natalie know you were going downstairs with him.

David goes off to get dressed and walks into the kitchen as you fill your flask, careful not to spill any vodka on the counter. As soon as you screw it closed, you take tape you’d found in one of the junk drawers and hand it to David along with the flask, hiking up your dress and sticking your leg out. He kneels in front of you, wrapping the tape around your leg and strapping the flask to your thigh. Once he’s sure it’s secure, he squeezes the back of your thigh and looks up at you, eyes meeting yours as he leaves a soft kiss on the skin just below the tape.

“You look so good,” he compliments. You laugh, feeling your cheeks turn pink, pulling him up to his feet.

“You too, Davey,” you fix his tie, rolling your eyes as he lifts you up onto the counter.

“What are you doing? Stop!” you laugh as his hand slides up your thigh under your skirt, his lips on your neck.

“I can't keep my hands off of you, baby.”

He pushes you to lay back and you give him a confused look, eyebrows scrunched together.

“I need a shot.” He pulls your skirt down just enough to reveal your bellybutton and grabs the opened bottle of vodka, pouring it into your navel. You squeal as he dips his head down and laps at the alcohol, your fingers tangling in his hair. He begins to nip at the skin just above and you have to pull his head away, sitting up to stop him from leaving a mark. You hear Natalie walking around upstairs and you quickly push David back, jumping off the counter and fixing your skirt.

You’re scrambling around the kitchen looking for something to busy yourself with so Nat’s not suspicious when she comes downstairs, ending up grabbing stuff out of the fridge to make a sandwich. You’re not even hungry, but you know you should still eat; drinking on an empty stomach only turns out bad for you in the end. You’re cutting it in half and handing one half to David when she walks down the steps.

She does a dramatic spin at the bottom, flipping her hair over-enthusiastically. You applaud and cheer her on.

“You look hot!” you say, laughing loudly when she bows.

You take a decent amount of pictures, and between the three of you, drank the rest of the vodka you hadn’t poured into your flask. You weren’t too drunk when you left the house and walked to school, but about an hour into the dance you were completely off the wall.

You had spent some time in the hallway with David, passing your flask back and forth when Natalie had  stumbled up to you. She had said something about leaving with a guy and how she’d see you guys at Ilya’s party later, but you hadn’t been listening entirely. You and Dave told her to have fun, taking a few more shots before tucking the flask back into the tape on your thigh.

You were drunk enough it didn’t feel wrong being close to David in public. You told yourself you and him are friends, and you didn’t think that people would be too concerned seeing two friends almost hugging in the corner. You were entirely wrong.

Dima immediately became confused when he saw you and David talking against one of the walls; something which wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, until he noticed how touchy you were. He thought he had somehow interpreted it wrong as he watched from a corner, talking with Ilya. He knew you were drunk, that was to be expected, but you grabbing David by the back of the neck and trying to hug him closer peaked his interest, ultimately deciding to go check on you and David.

“Dimaaaaaa!” You throw yourself off the wall as soon as you spot him and hug him, arms thrown over his shoulders. He laughs, gripping your arms to ensure you wouldn’t fall.

“How’s it going? Are you okay?”

You wrap an arm around his neck and mumble a response that vaguely sounds like I’m great, causing the the two boys to snicker.

“Are you guys going to Il’s party?”

“Yeah, we might leave soon actually. Y/N needs to sober up a bit before we head over.”

“Hey! For your information,” you point a finger at David, tapping him on the nose. “I am perfectly fine.”

He simply laughs and shakes his head as you break away from Dima, ending his taunting.

“I’ll see you guys later, then.”

“Bye Diiiiiiima!” You ruffle his hair before he walks off, leaving you and David back with your own devices against the wall. Dima still keeps an eye on you as your fingers tangle into Dave’s hair, pulling him closer into you.

Not soon after, David encourages you to leave with him the louder you seem the get.

You stagger as you’re walking off of school grounds, nearly tripping over your own feet as you walked.

“Baby, get on on my back,” David demands, stopping in his tracks.

“What? No! I am not that drunk,” you insist, words slurring as he rolls his eyes and takes it upon himself to pull you onto his back.

“You’re swaying and stumbling, Y/N. It’s fine. I’ve got you.” You give in to him, arms draping around his neck and dropping your head to rest it on his shoulder.

“You’re so drunk, baby,” David chuckles, adjusting his grip on your thighs as he walks.

“No, I’m not!” you refuse, your elbows pushing yourself up by his shoulders.

“If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be carrying you home.” You ignore him, head bending down to kiss at his neck. You begin sloppily sucking and nipping at the skin, working over it with your teeth.

“Baby, don’t -.”

“Shut up, Davey.” He sighs, leaving you to work in peace as he walks.

You break the silence a few minutes later, staring at your work illuminated by the streetlights, “Aw. Pretty.” David scoffs in response, shaking his head.

“What? You didn't want it?” You ask, whine evident in your voice as you bury your head in his shoulder.

“I know I’ll like it, but you won’t when you’re sober. You’ll want me to wear hoodies until it’s gone.”

“Noooooo,” you defy, “You look pretty with marks! I want people to see.”

“Thank you, baby, but I know you’ll want me to hide it. Especially from Natalie.”

“I like when you call me that,” you admit, changing the subject and ignoring his comment, “It makes me feel special!” David dips his head, lips planting on your forearm in a sloppy, affectionate kiss.

“But it’s not fair!” you continue, complaining and preening against his grip, “You call me baby and I don’t have anything to call you except your name.”

“Then what do you wanna call me, baby? Whatever you want, I promise.” He stops and adjusts his grip on you once more, gently pushing up the tulle underneath your dress for a better hold before continuing.

“Ummm…” you ponder, burying your head in his neck and pressing your lips against the skin, breathing in his cheap cologne. “Daddy? Is that okay?”

David chokes on his spit at the word, coughing as he walks. His voice cracks slightly, “Yeah. Totally, baby.”

“Okay, daddy!” His stomach twists at your muttered response as you go quiet, eyes fluttering closed as you continue to breathe his scent in.

“Daddy?” you question timidly a few minutes later, “Do you think we’re gonna end up dating?”

“Honestly, I haven’t really thought about it, baby.”

“Oh. Well...do you think I’m cute?”

“I think you’re beautiful,” he says, feeling you grip him tighter and pull him closer, cheeks heating up against his neck.

“Really?”

“Yes, babygirl. So beautiful.”

“Oh. Thank you, Davey,” you say, thanking him once more in the form of a kiss at the nape of his neck.

“You should know you're beautiful, baby.”

An uneasy noise escapes your throat in denial of his sentence, changing the subject and asking him, “Would you even want to date me?”

“I don’t know, Y/N.”

“Is it ‘cause I’ve dated a lot of guys? I don’t even count them ‘cause I never legit love them and they don’t even treat me good but I guess I deserve it...I dunno...I wanna fall in loooooove, Davey, you know? I just wanna always feel good with a guy, like, never have to doubt my worth or anything,” you drunkenly blab, eyes closed as you mutter quietly against his skin.

“Hey, don’t say that. That’s not why I don’t know if I’d date you. It’s just ‘cause we’re so close. And what do you mean they don’t treat you well? You don’t deserve that shit,” Dave attempts to comfort you, thumbs beginning to rub affectionately at your thighs as he continues to walk.

“I mean…when you’re a slut-.”

“Stop it, baby,” his voice goes stern, eyebrows knitting together at your words.

“They kinda treat you like one.” David sighs, not sure what else to say.

“Y’know, I didn’t break up with Jordan because of the sex,” you blurt a few seconds later, catching David off guard.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I broke up with him ‘cause he said I’m a whore and I don’t deserve to be loved.”

David stops, gently dropping you back to your feet and turning to look at you. You stumble a bit before catching your balance, gripping the front of his dress shirt to stable yourself.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” He asks, hurt evident in his voice. You shrug, fixing the strap of your dress that had started to fall down your shoulder as he had carried you.

“Dunno...guess I was embarrassed,” you try to look away from him, David grabbing your arms and turning you back to focus on him. “I didn’t tell anybody until now.”

“You know that’s not true, right?” He runs a hand through his hair before placing both palms in his front pockets, fidgeting with his keys nervously.

“Yeah, I know,” you say, laughing slightly as you cross your arms and meet his eyes, lips between your teeth.

“No, Y/N, I’m serious. You don’t actually believe that, do you?” Your eyes wander, trying to look anywhere but him. He dips his head slightly to catch your eye, staring at you and waiting for a response.

“Do you?” he repeats, increasingly concerned the longer you say nothing. The silence and the tears in your eyes that you refuse to let fall are enough of an answer for him.

“Davey…” your voice cracks and your lips purse before David envelops you in his arms.

“Y/N, you can’t believe them,” he comforts, pulling away, hands still on your waist.

“Why? They all say the same thing.”

“Do you know how fucking smart you are?” David asks, almost vehement, “Aren’t you top ten in our class? What’s your GPA?”

“That has nothing to do with me being a slut, Dave-.”

“No. That’s the point. You’re so much more than who you fuck. You have to know that. You’re one of the best people I know.”

He sighs in response when you say nothing, stepping away from you, scratching his head slightly.

“Do you wanna stop, like, what we’re doing? The sex? ‘Cause we can. I can forget this ever happened if you need me to.” You look up at him, eyes wide.

“What? No! Why would I wanna stop?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t want you to feel like this, and I don’t want it to be because of me. Like, I don't wanna contribute to the problem. ‘Cause I love you, you know, as a friend, and I don't want you to feel like a slut or a whore or something because we’re best friends and we’re fucking.”

“No, Dave, that’s not it. It’s different with you. I wanna keep going. You make me feel special, like, you actually care about me and I’m not just something for you to fuck, you know?”

“‘Cause you are special! I don’t take this shit between us lightly, trust me. I’m not gonna ruin a friendship just because I wanna get my dick wet. That’s not what this is about for me,” David steps away from you, hands running through his hair, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love fucking you, but at the end of the day, you’re a fucking person. You’re my best friend. We can have this conversation later, when you’re sober, but you can’t - you can’t think that about yourself, baby. I respect you so much.”

“But like, I am a slut ‘cause I’ve been with so many-.”

“Baby, who cares?” he sputters, “The fucking football team? So what? You know you’re smarter than all of them. They all have, like, triple digit SAT scores. You can do better than that. You deserve better than that. Come on. Let’s go.” David doesn’t let you reply, fingers tangling with yours and tugging you along. You stumble slightly and grip his hand tighter as he stops, realizing how drunk you still are. He unlaces your hands and you follow his lead as he slides you onto his back again, your arms slinging around his neck as he begins walking.

“Jesus. Fuck. He told you that you don’t deserve to be loved? What the actual hell? Y/N, I love you so much. Always know that. You mean so much to me. I’d do anything to keep you happy.”

“I know, Davey. I love you too. As friends.”

He dips his head, nodding slightly, “Yeah. As friends.”

Minutes pass in comfortable silence, neither of you saying anything as you close your eyes, listening to his steps and breathing him in.

“Baby, you’re choking me,” David eventually breaks.

You loosen your arms as he adjusts his grip, murmuring a whine, “I wish you’d choke me.”

“Yeah?” Although he should be, David’s not surprised, continuing, “What else do you want me to do?”

“So much,” you mumble, energy quickly decreasing, “Want you to do everything.”

“Everything?” He feels you nod against his shoulder, “What do you mean?”

“You’re so hot, daddy, and you don’t even know it. I want you to fuck me so hard,” you murmur, suddenly whining, “Hey! Why haven’t you eaten me out yet?”

“I wanna take my time with it, Y/N, or I would’ve done it this morning. I’m not gonna do it just to do it, I wanna make you feel good.” You grin, hastily kissing his cheek.

“You do make me feel good.”

You see Natalie’s house coming into view, but David waits until you’re at the front door before he puts you back down. You stumble into the house once he gets the door unlocked, shuffling to the kitchen and jumping up onto the counter. David follows closely behind, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and handing it to you.

“Drink this. All of it.” You pout, taking it from him and drinking it anyways.

“Daddy, why didn’t you dance with me at the dance?”

“I didn’t want people to look at us weird, baby,” David responds, standing between your legs, hands on your waist.

“Will you dance with me now?” You ask, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Okay, what song?” He pulls his phone out, scrolling through his music.

“What’s the song my parents listen to all the time?”

“The old one?”

“Yeah! Paul...I dunno, I can’t remember right now.”

“Anka, baby. Paul Anka. Wasn’t it the song they danced to at their wedding?”

“Yeah. I always wanted it to be my song with whoever I end up with,” you mumble, head resting on his chest, “Even if it means I’m copying my parents. They still dance to it.”

He murmurs a quiet I know and puts the song on, setting his phone on the counter beside you and pulling you to the floor by your waist. You stumble a bit, arms tightening around his neck so you wouldn’t fall.

“Baby, get on my feet.”

You want to protest, tell him that you’re not that drunk anymore and you can stand on your own, but you decide against it and do as he says. You stand on his toes and let him move the two of you, burying your head in his neck.

Put your head on my shoulder

Hold me in your arms, baby

David sings along quietly and you hum, kissing his neck softly.

“You’re a terrible singer,” you mumble, “Ugh, God, stop it.” He giggles and continues to sing to spite you, arms fully wrapping around your waist as his cheek rests on your head. The song ends and he moves to let go of your waist but you whine, refusing to release your grip.

“No, again,” you insist in a whine. He obeys, rewinding the song and letting it play again, putting it on repeat and continuing to dance around the kitchen until you’re nearly falling asleep in his arms.

“Baby,” he moves around slightly, “Do you wanna go to the party now?”

You make a noise but agree, stepping away from him.

“I need to change, people are gonna see this and know it was you,” he says, pointing to the dark spot on his neck.

You lay on the couch and watch as he puts on a simple pair of jeans and a black hoodie, moving to dig through your bag to find something for you.

“Baby, none of these are gonna work,” he points out, pulling out multiple dresses and tops with low necklines. “C’mon, we gotta go find something in Nat’s closet.”

You manage to get yourself up off the couch to follow David upstairs and to Natalie’s room, standing in the doorway while he sorts through her clothes.

“Perfect,” he says to himself as he pulls out a t-shirt dress, helping you out of your current dress and into the new one. You don’t object to his choice until you see him return to the closet, pulling out a pair of shorts, rolling your eyes.

“I don’t need those,” you complain in a whine, still allowing him to put them on you. You hold onto his shoulders for stability as you lift your legs up so he can slide the material on.

“I don’t want anyone else seeing your pussy.”

You tangle your fingers in his hair, making him look up at you.

“Will you fuck me before we go?” you ask softly. He rises to his feet, mumbling out a no before leading you out the door. You pout, trying to turn back to him.

“Please? I’ve been waiting all night.”

“Be good and I’ll think about fucking you when we get there,” he says sternly, hands finding your hair and tugging, causing you to gasp harshly.

Although you wanted to protest, you give in and let the anticipation keep you occupied. David had sobered up enough to drive, so you had began making your way towards his car in a comfortable silence. He aided you as you crawled into his car since you were still tipsy, gifting him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek as a thank you.

As David drove the familiar route to Ilya’s, you couldn’t help but admire the street lights as you passed them.

“Daddy?” you quietly ask.

“What, baby?” he replies, shifting slightly in his seat.

“The street lights look really nice tonight, you know?” you slowly say, head against the window as you watch them pass.

David scoffs; not even his siblings would notice something as irrelevant as street lights and find them intriguing. He knew it was most likely due to the amount of alcohol remaining in your system, but he allowed himself to find it cute.

“Baby?” David questions nervously as you turn to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry for what I said last night while I was fucking you. I can’t stop thinking about it, I feel so guilty,” Dave makes an effort to meet your eyes as he glances between you and the road. “I won’t say anything like that again, I swear to God.”

“What did you say?”

“About you and fucking half of the football team?”

“Oh…It’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m used to it,” you shrug.

David gets stopped at a light, still feeling incredibly guilty for adding to the issue. He shifts slightly in his seat, murmuring your name to get you to face him before leaning in, kissing you deeply.

He leans out after a few seconds, face still close to yours, saying, “I’m serious. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, baby.”

You nod in his hold, meeting his eyes as he leans in once more, pressing his lips to yours quickly. Dave leans out again, removing his hands from you and returning his attention to the road as the light changes and he presses the gas.

“Daddy?” you ask once more, a few minutes later, “Can this not be just a sex thing?” You don’t look at him, gaze returning to the streetlights as they pass.

“What do you mean?” David’s slightly alarmed at the suggestion, “Like, you wanna date?”

“Oh, no, that’s not how I meant it,” you quickly explain, stumbling slightly over your words and turning back to him, “Like...are you lonely?”

“I mean, I have you and Nat and all of the guys, and then my family - so no, not really,” David quickly changes the subject, concerned, “Why? Are you?”

“I don’t mean with your friends. I mean, like…romantically?” You can’t find the words to say what you mean and it’s being contorted into something you didn’t intend.

“Honestly, baby, that sounds like dating. I don’t know if I can do that -.”

“Davey, I don’t mean like dating! I just feel like...it’s weird to go from fucking one minute to going back to normal and acting like best friends the next. If your dick is inside me on the regular, why can’t I sleep on you or hold your hand or some shit? Like...where are the boundaries, you know?”

“So you just wanna include all of the, like, affectionate shit in this? Between us?” You nod at him as you get stopped at another light, his eyes flickering between you and the road as he slinks backwards into his seat.

Wordlessly, David brings his free hand to yours, fingers intertwining and his thumb enveloping yours, rubbing slightly.

“Baby,” he says as a gentle reminder, pushing the gas after the light changes, “We're just friends.”

“I know, just friends,” you reply simply, tone light and matter of fact as you squeeze his hand, agreeing with him. “Don’t worry, I don’t like you like that; you're too gross.”

David laughs, bringing your hand up to kiss the back of it, meeting your eyes in the process. He’s only indulging you because you want it from him and you’re still overwhelmingly tipsy; he has no desire whatsoever to be exceedingly touchy with you, and he’s sure you're aware of this. With this, though, he can appreciate your attempt to see if he wanted anything similar. He will happily comply and do anything you want, even if he personally has no urge mirroring your desires.

David doesn’t break his grip until you’re parked a few houses down from the party and exiting the car. He cautiously looks around for bystanders before his hand finds the small of your back, leading you gently in a comfortable silence. Once closer to the door, his hand quickly leaves you as he begins greeting people.

As you walked inside, people were already drunk playing beer pong with the occasional body shots being taken; something not out of the ordinary for a party like this.

“Meet me upstairs in 5 minutes,” he says into your ear, just loud enough for you to hear over the music before going to say hi to Ilya who was standing by a keg, holding someone up above it. You went to find Natalie, spotting her in the corner with the guy she’d left the dance with. You gave her a hug and took a sip of her drink when she offered it to you, and when you saw David out of the corner of your eye going up the stairs, you waited a minute before excusing yourself to go to the bathroom.

He hadn’t told you where to meet him, so you walk slowly down the hall and pull your phone out to text him. As you did so, the bathroom door beside you swung open and someone grabbed your arm, pulling you inside and shutting the door behind you. You squealed, but calmed down when you realized it was him, hitting his chest lightly.

“Asshole, you scared me.”

He doesn’t answer, grabbing you by your waist and pushing you against the counter, kissing you from your lips to your jaw and down your neck.

“We can’t be gone too long or someone’s gonna notice, so we have to make this fast,” he mumbles, turning you around and bending you over the counter. He’s quick, pulling your shorts down along with his pants and removing a condom from his pocket you don’t remember seeing him stash. He pushes two fingers into you, not bothering to start slow; all he needs is to get you wet enough, which didn’t take long at all.

“Please,” you stutter on the word, already struggling to form sentences.

You hear the condom wrapper opening, followed by a soft kiss on your neck and him slowly pushing into you.

“You okay, baby?” he asked quietly.

“Yes, daddy.”

His hips pick up the pace immediately, needing you to cum as quickly as possible. You wanted to scream, your whines getting louder and louder.

“Baby, hush, someone’s gonna hear you,” he whispers into your ear as his arm wraps around you and his free hand moves to your throat, squeezing lightly.

Soft whimpers leave your mouth in an attempt to stay as quiet as possible, David’s hand leaving your neck to yank your hair and rubbing circles on your clit with the other. He knows the effect he has on you, using it to his advantage as the minutes pass, his hips seemingly speeding up.

“Look how pretty you are, baby,” he states, your eyes meeting in the mirror, “My girl’s so pretty, fuck.”

“Fuck,” you moan, trying your best at the impossible task of remaining quiet.

“C’mon, baby. Cum. I know you’re close.”

The hand in your hair drops to push gently on your stomach: enough for you to fall apart. You grab his wrist as if to stop his movements on your clit, free hand holding your weight up on the counter. His thrusts get sloppy as you squeeze around him, David stopping completely and dropping his head to your shoulder as empty grunts escape his lips.

He pulls your shorts back up your hips, removing the condom and tossing in the garbage before tugging his jeans back up. You turn and kiss him, hands on the back of his neck.

“No, baby, we can’t do this. You gotta go,” he says between kisses, shaking his head.

“No, I don’t wanna go yet.”

“Someone’s gonna notice we’ve been gone.”

You ignore him, kissing down his neck.

“Baby.” David pulls back, making you look at him, hands gripping your waist.

“I don’t wanna go. What if someone I don’t like tries to talk to me?”

“You’re a big girl, I think you can handle it.” You scoff at that, removing your hands from him, crossing your arms and leaning back against the sink.

“C’mon, baby. Just go downstairs. I’ll be down right after.”

“I don’t wanna talk to anyone besides you, though.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re being dramatic, Y/N. You can handle yourself for a few minutes.”

You look at him blankly for a few seconds, rolling your eyes and moving to open the door.

“No, baby, I didn’t mean it like that,” he stops you, trying to grab your wrist but you pull your hand away and open the door, slamming it behind you.

You go down the stairs and out of the back door, leaning against the wall and taking a minute to collect yourself. People are scattered around the yard, smoking cigarettes and shotgunning beers, and you try your best to avoid conversation by looking at your feet. Apparently, it wasn’t your day, beginning to hear someone calling your name. You almost wanted to ignore whoever it was and go inside to get David to drive you home.

“Hey, babe. What’s are you doing out here all alone?” You look up, seeing Jordan walking towards you with a beer in his hand and an unlit cigarette tucked behind his ear. You roll your eyes at the sight.

“Avoiding people like you,” you snap. Jordan chuckles, moving to stand in front of you. He chugs the rest of his beer and throws it aside, you scrunching up your face in disgust at the move. He looks at you, smirking, and you can almost see the gears turning in his head.

“Baby, I miss you,” he tries, and you have to stop yourself from laughing. The name sounds dirty and misconstrued coming out of a mouth that’s not David’s.

“I don’t miss you.” He shakes his head, taking a step closer to you.

“C’mon, baby, what do you say we go somewhere private?”

“I’m good.” You attempt to step around him to leave, Jordan his hands on the wall on either side of you and blocking you in. You suddenly freeze up, not sure what to do. You want to hit him somehow, body not responding to your brain.

“I know you wanna fuck, baby. You’re not fooling anybody,” he mumbles, one of his hands dropping and sliding up your thigh, under your dress, “Isn’t that what sluts do?”

“Where’s your new boyfriend? David? Saw you being all touchy with him at the dance. Is he as good as me, baby?” Jordan’s hand remains moving north despite your attempts to push it away.

“You really think i’m fucking my best friend just cause I don’t wanna fuck you? Well i’m not, you should know that, dumbass. Even if I was, he probably is better. Wouldn’t be that difficult.”

He ignores your insult, fingers digging into your thigh as he starts, “Yeah? You think so? Maybe we can see. All three of us together? You think he’d be down? You’ve always had the hots for him.”

“Do we have a problem here?”

David’s standing to the side of you and you thank God for Dave’s timing, hoping Jordan will get off. His hand remains on your thigh.

“Nah, you’re good.”  Jordan spits at him, “Dude, I have a question. You wanna tag team her, bro?”

David’s eyebrows fly up in surprise, eyebrows knitting together at the realization of his vile suggestion, “What the fuck did you just say?”

Jordan pushes himself off of you and the wall, allowing you to immediately scurry over to David, standing beside him.

“I asked if you wanna tag team her with me. You know she’d be down.”

“Fuck off, asshole. She’s my best friend. I don’t want that and neither does she.”

“David, let’s just go,” you attempt to sway him, tugging on his arm, “It’s not a big deal.”

He looks at you blankly, looking around at the crowd that had began to form before speaking, “We’re talking about this in the car.” David rolls his eyes at Jordan as he allows you to lead him back through the house, searching for Natalie and Ilya.

You locate Natalie, who’s now playing beer pong with a few people from your class. She smiles when she sees you, face immediately dropping as she realizes how upset you look.

“Are you okay?”

“David almost fought Jordan and a whole thing happened, so we’re leaving. We’ll see you at your house, okay?”

“Holy shit, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you later, I’m sure you’ll hear about it anyways -,” you’re cut off by David, grabbing your wrist and pulling you away, dragging you through the crowd of people. He stops to tell Ilya that you and him are leaving, grasp still tight on your wrist to ensure you won’t walk away. Ilya turns to you, noticing how angry you look.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

“She’s fine,” David quickly says, pulling his keys out of his pocket and bidding Ilya a goodbye.

“I can speak for myself,” you snap as he tugs you through the front door, trying your best to pull your wrist from his grip. David doesn’t let go until you’re at the car.

You’re both silent as he drives, your arms crossed in defiance. You keep your gaze on the streets outside of the window, avoiding his eyes which keep glancing over at you.

“Are you okay?” He finally speaks up, but you don’t say anything. “I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve been there.” You still don’t answer.

“You don’t have to be like that with me, baby, you know that. Come on. Talk to me,” Dave attempts to sway you, “I know it bothers you. How can I help?”

You shift in your seat, uncrossing your arms and sighing lightly, giving into him, “I just… don’t understand why they think that’s okay.”

“They? How often does this happen?” David’s eyebrows scrunch together, moving to reach for your hand as he glances between you and the road.

You shrug, “Like, once every party we go to? I’m not, like, super torn up about it or anything, I just - I hate that you saw it happen,” you sniffle as he squeezes your hand tighter, looking away from him and out of the window. “It’s fucking embarrassing.”

“Jesus. I should’ve fucking fought him -.”

“No, Dave. I don’t care about that,” you interrupt, “I just hate that you saw.”

He can’t think of much to say, murmuring a quiet tut followed by a don’t be embarrassed, baby.

Minutes pass in silence, David kissing your fingertips out of pure pity as he drives before he eventually breaks, “Baby, don’t get pissed at me for asking this again, but you’re clearly upset about this and obviously all of the other times it’s happened, you know? I’m just double checking that you’re sure you want to keep going with this thing between us?”

You sigh, rolling your eyes slightly, “Yes, Davey, I’m sure. It’s okay.”

“Like, one hundred percent sure? I just don’t want to make things worse for you. Like, I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you or something, ‘cause I love you, and staying close with you is more important to me than getting sex on the regular, you know?”

“Dave, you’re doing the opposite. Don’t compare yourself to them or feel like you’re treating me the same way they do. You know you’re not! You’re helping me with it. Really. And,” you add, “We’re already such closer friends ‘cause of it and it’s barely been a day.”

“I don’t know. I guess, but if you don’t wanna do this anymore or it’s making you feel shitty or something, just let me know, okay?”

You pull your hand out of his and link your pinkies, “I pinky promise I’ll tell you if anything changes or I change my mind or anything else.”

“Okay. I’ll take it,” David agrees, kissing the back of your hand, not letting go, “I pinky promise the same.”

He doesn’t break away until you’re in Nat’s driveway once more, leaning across the center console and digging through his dash. He pulls out the weed and rolling papers, beginning to forge a joint out of the items.

“Daviiiiiid, I don’t know about that, I’m super tired and still upset.”

He lifts his head, “Come on, baby. We can smoke and go inside and sleep.”

Still sensing your unwillingness, Dave says, in hopes of persuading you, “Get in the backseat with me and we can cuddle?”

You immediately break, agreeing in a groan and climbing in the back as David finishes rolling the joint and locates a lighter. He follows you into the backseat, settling in with his back against the door as you cling to his side, head in his neck.

“You want the first hit?” He feels you shake your head no, taking it upon himself to slip the joint into his mouth, flicking the lighter. You feel the warmth radiate as he holds the flame for a few seconds before he stops it, chest rising slowly as he inhales.

He holds it out to you and you take a moment to look at it, contemplating your decision.

“It’ll make you feel better, baby, I promise.” You look at him and back at the joint, leaning towards it and letting him hold it to your lips. You take a small hit before leaning into him again, letting him lift your legs over his lap and hold you closer.

You attempt to suppress your cough, David’s hand running comfortingly along your back as he continuously hits the joint. He offers it to you again once you’ve stopped coughing, taking it from his fingers and sliding it between your lips, taking a hard hit.

You continue the exchange, interrupted by a few kisses, until Dave finishes the joint, throwing the roach somewhere up front and pulling you closer into him. You tilt your head up, fingers finding his jaw as you lean in, lips slowly attaching to his as David’s arms wrap around you tighter, deepening the kiss.

“Baby,” David murmurs, a few minutes later, against your lips in between kisses, “I love you.” You hum in response before he quickly adds an As friends, lips returning to yours.

Your hands slide into his hair as you mutter a reciprocation, David's palms pushing you closer into his torso as he leans out, eyes fluttering open as you take the hint and return your head to his neck.

“Fuuuuuuuck,” he drags out, the end of the word catching in his throat, “This is so nice. I wanna stay here forever.”

“We gotta go inside, Davey,” you gently remind, David groaning at the thought and muttering a wimpy I know. He sits up and opens the car door for you both to get out, returning to the front seat momentarily to turn the car off and get his keys.

Wordlessly, you both make it inside and kick off your shoes. You immediately move to your bag, tearing the dress off and throwing it somewhere on the floor, digging through your clothes for something to put on. You throw on your t-shirt from the night before, keeping your shorts on and moving upstairs to Nat’s bathroom to remove your makeup with David silently following.

He leans against the doorway of the bathroom as he watches you at the sink and mirror, rubbing his eyes sleepily every once in a while. You finish, taking his hand in yours and tugging him back down the stairs and into the living room. You launch yourself on to one of the couches, hand still in David’s as you pull him along with you. He settles on top of you and between your legs, hands moving to your waist as he leans in to begin kissing you once more.

Quickly, David’s hand slides down the outside of your thigh and back to your waist, retracting as he hears you let out a whimper. He doesn’t think anything of it at first before looking at you and seeing tears in your eyes as you try to pull him closer. He begins to pull away but you shake your head, attempting to lean back up and kiss him again.

“No, I’m okay. I swear. I just freaked out for a second. Just keep going,” you insist, David refusing and sitting up completely. He understands, wholeheartedly: you’d gone through something repeatedly and were still recovering - he wasn’t going to push that. He felt bad for even making the move in the first place, arms wrapping entirely around you as you let out a sob. He pulls you closer, rubbing your back to try and calm you down.

“I’m sorry, Davey.”

“You don’t have to say sorry, baby. You did nothing wrong.” He kisses the top of your head, laying down and pulling you with him, allowing you to rest your head on his chest. You let out another loud sob and squeezes you a bit tighter.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you now.”

He continues to play with your hair, pushing it away from your face and pulling your waist closer into him. David waits until you’ve quieted down and fallen asleep to allow himself to feel any variation of drowsy, tangling your legs together and drifting off himself.

You’re both woken the next morning by Natalie shuffling to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and asking you both, “What the fuck are you doing?”

[mnemememory]

better to scream

yasha is too tired for this shit.

pacific rim fusion au part 2 of 2 (part 1)

.

Yasha doesn’t hear about it until later. Much later.

She wakes up in the infirmary with Jester’s anxious hands fluttering between Yasha’s collarbone and her temple. She looks far worse for ware than the last time Yasha had seen her, with bruises running down the side of her face and along her throat. She’s hidden as much of it as she can with long sleeves and blue-tinged concealer, but it doesn’t really help.

“Yasha,” Jester says, when Yasha opens her eyes. “You’re awake!”

Everything hurts.

“How – how much do you remember?”

Everything hurts.

This is what Yasha remembers: Beau panicking on the coms. “There’s something wrong with Jester and Fjord!” she’s saying, but it’s far away and fuzzy. Yasha blinks. Molly is next to her, out of his harness and shaking her arm, but he can’t be real. Yasha is dreaming.

“Yasha is –” he’s saying, and then. Nothing.

Yasha’s tongue feels thick and dry in her mouth. She tries to swallow down her spit, but her throat screams in protest and starts coughing instead.

“Oh, Yasha! Here is some water – I should go and get a nurse –”

Yasha accepts the straw with exhausted gratefulness. She tries to sit up, but her ribs buckle at the sudden movement and she falls back to the bed with a silent scream. The water sloshes out of the cup and across her shirt, and she somehow manages to stab herself with the straw.

Yasha tries to speak, but she has to clear her throat a few times to get the words out. Despite looking around nervously for a medical professional, Jester doesn’t seem too inclined to actually leave the room, but Yasha anchors her to the bed with a hand to her wrist anyway.

“Molly,” she spits out, and starts coughing again.

Jester blanches grey.

“Where,” Yasha says.

Jester rips her hand away. There are red welts against her skin from where Yasha has pressed her nails in a little too deeply. They’re going to bruise. Yasha feels sick.

“I need to get Beau,” Jester says, rushing unsteadily to her feet and tripping drunkenly to the door. From the look of it, she isn’t in much state to walk, let along run anywhere.

Yasha rolls onto her side, heedless of the pain, and vomits noisily onto the floor.

.

“I changed my mind,” Yasha says, walking as briskly as the ghost-ache in her ribs will let her. “I’m not doing this.”

Caduceus follows her at a more sedate pace, looking not the least bit perturbed at the thought of her going. This only fuels Yasha’s greater desire to just up and leave. That’s the only thing she’s proven consistently good at, so why mess with a thing that works? Yasha is going to leave, and the world is going to burn, and it won’t matter anymore because even without getting back into Necrotic Shroud Yasha is as good as dead anyway.

“You chased the RABIT,” Caduceus says. “But it won’t happen again. You’re trained against it.”

“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place!” Yasha says. She doesn’t really know where she’s going, only that she needs to get as far away from Caduceus Clay as she possibly can. She feels gross. There’s a layer of grime under her skin that she can’t scrub away no matter how hard she tries. Everything about Yasha is rotten.

“I don’t think –”

“No, I obviously haven’t been thinking,” Yasha says. “This is a terrible idea. I’m not nearly emotionally stable enough for this shit –”

Someone clears their throat from behind her.

Yasha turns around, teeth bared, growl building low in her throat. “What?”

The person she confronts barely reaches up to her waist, with dyed-green hair bright enough to match with Jester and chipped, uneven teeth. She gives a small squeak and jumps back when Yasha turns to look at her, behind a taller man with a scraggly beard and bloodshot eyes. There is a tattoo of a Bengal cat done prominently across his throat.

“Good afternoon,” he says through heavy Zemnian accent. The small woman bares her teeth.

Yasha jerks back, caught between here-and-now and there-and-then. She forces her breathing to even out.

“You knew Molly.”

The man blinks, slowly. “Caleb Widogast,” he says, giving a small bow. “Science and Research Division. This is my co-worker, Veth.”

“Nott,” the woman corrects. At Yasha’s blank look, Nott-not-Veth rolls her eyes. “Only Caleb calls me Veth. My name is Nott.”

“Okay,” Yasha says. Her eyes keep flickering back to Caleb. There is something horribly familiar about his face.

He takes pity on her. “Mollymauk and I were roommates, the first year in the Academy,” he says. “I…dropped out to pursue knowledge, but he continued on to be a pilot.”

“Do you know what happened to him?” Yasha says. She can’t quite see straight. Her voice sounds distant, muted.

“I know enough,” Caleb says, and doesn’t clarify.

Nott clears her throat. “If you’ll excuse us, we have to go and give the Marshall our reports –”

“Of course.” Caleb shakes his head. He gives Yasha a polite smile, and then turns to Caduceus to give him a broader one. “I’m sure you two will work out your differences.”

I wouldn’t bet on it, Yasha doesn’t say. She’s very good at holding her tongue.

Caleb re-straightens his armful of papers. “If you ever feel like talking about him –”

He leaves the sentence open-ended. Yasha’s stomach squirms uncomfortably.

Nott does her a favour and whacks Caleb in the arm. “We’re understaffed and out of budget,” she says. “If you want to come down to help, feel free, but if it’s just to lie around drinking you’re going to have to find another person. Caleb here is too important to take too much time off work –”

“Yes, thank you, Nott,” Caleb says, hurrying them both past. There’s an embarrassed tinge of red to his cheeks that has Yasha, despite herself, suppressing a smile.

Caduceus is nice enough to be silent on their walk back to her room. It’s when he doesn’t leave that Yasha starts feeling the first real prickles of panic start to set in.

“Go away,” she says. “I think we’ve established that this isn’t going to work.”

Caduceus takes two deliberate steps out into the hallway and then sits down on the ground, leaning his back against the wall. Yasha stares at him in disbelief. It’s cold enough that her joints are aching, the lack of electricity and functional air-conditioning only further hampered by the fact that the whole building is made out of cold metal.

“You can’t be serious,” she says.

Caduceus shrugs and takes a small thermos out of one of his absurdly large pockets. He takes a small sip and sighs appreciatively.

“Would you like some tea?” he says.

Yasha slams the door closed.

.

Jester is alone, which is why Yasha goes to her.

She’s sitting curled tight in a corner, as out of the way as possible while still technically being in the main building. She’s shaking. Her fingers are clenched hard into her forearms, nails digging deep enough to leave bruises. Yasha doesn’t know where Fjord or Beau are, but she hasn’t seen them since yesterday. She doesn’t even know where they sleep. She used to know, once upon a time.

“Hey,” she says, leaning heavily against the wall and dropping to the ground next to her. Jester gives a hiccupping laugh and leans into her shoulder.

“Please don’t ask me why I’m upset,” she says.

“Okay,” Yasha says.

Jester manages a smile. Then she presses her face against Yasha’s jacket and starts to cry.

.

The alarm, when it sounds, is loud and familiar.

Yasha is up out of her bed and reaching for a uniform that doesn’t exist before she even processes it. She stumbles, cursing, out into the hallway and almost trips on Caduceus.

“What’s going on?” she says.

Caduceus just grabs onto her wrist and starts running.

The control room is a study in chaos. Yasha and Caduceus are collectively too large to dodge the people swarming around like rats in a sewer, so they carve out a path straight to where Shakaste and a tall, thinly androgynous figure is sitting in front of three screens. Every reflective surface is blaring red-and-white, doing nothing to dampen the impending panic.

“Bryce,” Yasha says, when she gets close enough.

Bryce looks up with a brief, strained smile. “Yasha. It would be good to see you, under different circumstances.”

Shakaste is talking to the gathered crowd. “Two signatures,” he says, and Yasha’s world goes white.

She barely hears the rest of the briefing. “Both Category 4’s. Codenames: Serissa and Catagan. They’ll reach the coast within the hour.”

Yasha looks out the window, into the hanger bay. Necrotic Shroud sits like a dead thing to the side, limbs limp and useless.

“We need to evacuate the cities. Shut down the bridges. We’ve sent out a general alert, so every civilian should be making their way into refuges right now.”

Beau is in the room. Yasha looks up and sees her, flanked by Jester and Fjord. They look grim and grey, all in uniform. Yasha’s cotton shirt and leggings suddenly feel far too light.

“Dragon Slayer,” Shakaste says. “Converging Fury. You two need to frontline this. Mighty Nein, stay back to the coastline and don’t engage until there is no other option.” He flashes a bright, savage smile. “We can’t afford to lose you right now.”

Four strangers salute from the crowd. Yasha barely has time to tattoo their faces into her memory before they’re gone, just as swiftly as they had first appeared. These are the pilots, she thinks. She’s seen them on television, working on the Wall – there hadn’t been much entertainment out there save for drinking and listening to bad radio, so television was treated as a luxury commodity. Her co-workers had enjoyed shouting rude things at the screen whenever a Jaeger pilot came into view.

They look so much smaller in person.

Shakaste turns to face Yasha and Caduceus. “You two will stay put.”

Yasha’s jaw clenches, but Caduceus nods for her.

One of the new pilots hesitates – Keg, her brain produces, and she doesn’t know whether it’s her own knowledge or Caduceus’s – eyes narrowed into stubborn slits. She looks like she wants to say something to Yasha, but her partner – Nila, taller than Caduceus but somehow less intimidating – nudges her away.

Someone grabs onto Yasha’s forearm and drags her down the hall. It takes her a few seconds to realise that it’s Beau, and then she starts internally panicking.

“If we don’t make it back,” Beau says.

Yasha glares at her.

“If we don’t make it back,” Beau barrels through. “Then I’m – I’m sorry for being such a…” her teeth grit.

Yasha pats her on the shoulder. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“God you’re the worst,” Beau says. “I’m trying to apologise.”

“Are you still taking lessons from Fjord?” Yasha says. “Because it shows.”

Beau turns on her heel and starts to stalk away. Yasha races after her and pulls her back by the wrist.

“What…?”

Yasha kisses her on the cheek. It’s fast and it’s soft and means a lot less than Yasha wants it to say, but there isn’t really much time and the alarm is still blaring around them.

“You’re going to make it back,” she says.

Beau blinks for a second, like she’s been stunned, and then shakes her head and rushes off. Yasha watches her go and tries not to think about how the last time they had kissed, Molly had died.

.

Caduceus finds her in her room, praying.

She hasn’t done this since she got to the Shatterdome, and the guilt of it slicks hot through her gut. There’s a part of Yasha that wonders if this is punishment – she knows the stories, knows the tests of devotion that plague the world before the world like poison. It’s so hard not to take the world ending personally. She’s got her holy symbol in her hand and her breath coming in short, sharp bursts.

“I didn’t know you were religious,” Caduceus says, sitting on the floor in her doorframe.

“He saved me,” Yasha says. Her voice is a small, strained thing. Her fingers are cramping around the metal, skin white on contact. “I’d be – dead, without Him.”

“I understand,” Caduceus says calmly. He unhooks something from inside his shirt and pulls it out to show her a small stone with a swirl carved into it. If Yasha squints, she can see the outline of a crashing wave.

Yasha can’t manage a smile. She just bows her head over her effigy of the Stormlord and whispers impossible things under her breath.

Caduceus doesn’t say anything else, just sits there and lets Yasha breathe.

.

Dragon Slayer dies the way all giants do.

Loudly.

.

“Do you know how he died?” Yasha says.

Her spine plate clicks into place, the sharp bite of needles piercing down her back causing her to momentarily cut off and hiss.

Caduceus stands next to her, seemingly unaffected, as technicians swarm through their last-minute check-ups.

“I’ve heard the stories,” he says, eyes straight forward.

Yasha smiles as two people fit her chest-plate over her collarbones. “His name was Lorenzo,” she says. “And he thought he was a monster.”

“I’ve heard that story, too,” Caduceus says.

“He got past all the background checks that this place needed back in my time,” Yasha says. “And he smiled every time someone came back for seconds. He was a very good cook.”

She can still see him standing in the cafeteria. She’s seen him smiling every time she closes her eyes.

They give her the helmet. Yasha checks the inside and then starts walking forward into Necrotic Shroud’s head. Caduceus follows her. An outsider wouldn’t have noticed the way his feet hesitate at the entrance, the way his fingers linger on the harness. Yasha can feel it like an ache in her bones.

“How much of it did you see?”

“Enough,” Caduceus says.

Yasha lets herself have one short burst of laughter. It isn’t much, but it makes her feel better, somehow. “The morning of Shepherd, he drugged the food. Molly and Beau were sleeping in, but Jester and Fjord and I…”

Yasha’s throat closes over as she straps herself into the harness, fingers numb. This time, no one tries to help her.

“I passed out in the cockpit in the middle of the fight,” Yasha says, voice thick and eyes unblinking. “Beau was piloting a three-person Jaeger by herself. She managed to kill it, but not in time for –”

“Prepare for neural handshake,” Shakaste’s cool voice comes over the comms.

“That won’t happen this time,” Caduceus says. “I’ve seen the photos. I’m a lot larger than Mollymauk. I think either of those monsters would have a lot harder of a time swallowing me than him. He was very skinny.”

Yasha turns and gapes at him.

“Four, three, two –”

“What?”

“One.”

The Drift is silence.

Yasha feels Caduceus’ presence like a warm pulse, green and growing. She barely has time to hold her breath before she’s dragged under and drowning.

Someone asked Yasha, once, what Drifting felt like. It was probably in an early interview – before questions like that had been blacklisted. Yasha hadn’t managed to find the right words.

Here’s the best that fits:

A white room spattered in blood.

“I find that I don’t quite agree with you, Miss Yasha,” Caduceus says, and the world unfurls into something bigger and brighter than Yasha could have ever dreamed of.

Yasha comes back to her body with a gasp, jerking forward. Necrotic Shroud groans under her.

“Neural handshake holding steady,” Bryce says.

“Are you ready?” Caduceus says, sounding totally unperturbed. She can feel him shaking in her bones.

We’re about to get dropped into an active warzone, Yasha thinks. I haven’t piloted in years. You’ve never piloted at all. This is the first double event ever, and the only reason we’re being allowed to do this is because of our nuclear core.

The thought of Beau and Jester and Fjord trapped in the lifeless corpse of their Jaeger as the monsters swarm around makes something cold lurch in Yasha’s stomach.

“Sure,” she says, and apparently that’s good enough, because they’re dropping down.

.

Someone told Yasha once, “You fight angry.”

(A lot of people have told her that).

The monster looms out of the water, and Yasha laughs.

.

“It’s not over,” Caleb says, because of course it isn’t. Something like this will never be over.

Yasha is exhausted all the way down to her bones. She leans against the wall and closes her eyes, listening with only half an ear. Caduceus is little better. Drift-hangover is never fun, especially after your first ride. Usually it’s something that should be mediated out over a long period of time with copious amounts of mineral-water, and that’s just for simulations. The real thing is a thousand times more intense.

They don’t have the luxury of waiting around, though. Yasha can feel Caduceus in her head, twisting and churning. There are thoughts that don’t make much sense, prayers to the wrong god rattling around her skull.

“I predicted this double event,” Caleb says. “But this definitely isn’t he end. It’s just going to get worse from here on out.”

Behind the couch, huddled between Beau and Fjord, Jester gives a ragged cheer. They all look exhausted, wound as tight around each other as their shaking limbs would allow. Jester has a bruise along her cheek, and Beau’s left eye is patched over. Yasha had managed to get a peek at it in the infirmary: it was bright red, all the blood vessels burst.

“You’re such a ray of sunshine,” Beau says. “Every time you enter the room, the place brightens.”

Fjord sighs. His lip is split rather dramatically, but other than that he looks fairly stable – especially compared to the train wreck that his partners are presenting. “Go on, Caleb.”

Caleb gives a melodramatic flare of his hands, and holograms burst to life across the table. Jester oohs and aahs appreciatively. Despite herself, Yasha opens one eye to look.

“Here, we have the Breach,” Caleb says, pointing to the narrow point on his diagram. “Here we have the trench, and here is wherever the hell these things come from.”

“Probably a dimension incredibly dissimilar to our own,” Nott-not-Veth says. “Their physiology isn’t like anything on this planet, and I’ve been cross-testing whatever samples I can get my hands on over all the databases I have access to. Nothing.”

“Now, we’ve been getting these creatures coming in at increasingly smaller intervals. First it was every few months, which shortened to every few weeks – now, it’s every few days. The time between gets cut in half. In two days, we’re going to have another event.”

Yasha closes her eye. Around her, whispers break out.

“Our original plan was to send Mighty Nein with the thermonuclear warhead so we could drop it into the Breach,” Caleb says. “But that isn’t going to work anymore thanks to that last attack.”

“They’re learning,” Jester says, shivering. Beau hugs her tighter.

Caleb sighs. “It’s not just that they’re learning – they’re learning faster than we are. There are only so many adjustments we can make before we have to start building from the bones out again. That takes money that we don’t have.”

Yasha can imagine Molly sitting next to her and toasting his beer high: “Thanks for fucking us all, world government!” Next to her, Caduceus has to disguise his laugh as a cough.

Caleb’s face is fish-belly white as he stares around at them, dirt smudging along his cheeks like bruises. Yasha so badly wants to just go to sleep and never wake up. She’s so tired of this.

“We can’t switch out the power sources,” he says. “That would require entirely new Jaegers. At the moment, the only one who can reliably get to the Breach is Necrotic Shroud. Everything else will get taken out by that electromagnetic pulse.”

“If they can disable the Jaegers that far underwater, we’re sitting ducks,” Beau agrees. “It won’t matter that we’ve got the warhead if we can’t get it there.”

“Look at it this way,” Nott-not-Veth says. “If one of them pokes you too hard, you can just detonate yourselves and half the ocean with you.”

Yasha can feel eyes turning their way.

“You can’t be serious,” she says.

Shakaste flashes them a smooth grin. “You’re the best shot we have ate getting it there intact.”

“We’re down two Jaegers and the third is pretty badly damaged,” Yasha says. “And haven’t we tried bombing the Breach before? It didn’t exactly work out well the first time.”

“We’re running out of options,” Shakaste says.

“So we’re trying something that didn’t work before again because – what? Second time’s the charm?”

Caleb clears his throat. “The increased traffic should – if my predictions are correct –”

“Which they are,” Nott-not-Veth helpfully puts in.

Caleb ducks his head a little. “The increased traffic should force the Breach to stabilise and remain open long enough to get the warhead through far enough to collapse it’s structure. They’ve been coming through fairly regularly. The first time we tried – it was only months after the second attack, back when we didn’t know much about things. We were still learning.”

“That hasn’t changed,” Yasha says.

“I’m sorry,” Caleb says, eyes icy. “I didn’t realise that you were the one with a Masters in biochemistry –”

“Nothing’s ever even managed to get through it, though,” Fjord says, putting out his arms placatingly. Yasha leans back into the couch with a scowl, not entirely willing to let things go, but also not wanting to start a fight she doesn’t know she can win. Not now. Not when her head feels like she’s been used

Nott-not-Veth grins. “Actually, that’s where I come in.”

.

“This isn’t going to work,” Yasha says, staring at the blue, jelly-like substance that is being rubbed across every square inch of Necrotic Shroud’s metal body. Across the hanger bay, Mighty Nein and Converging Fury are being given the same treatment by some techs fitted out in hazmat suits.

The whole area had been evacuated on the grounds that interacting with biohazardous material would probably kill somebody. Yasha doesn’t quite know how to feel about this whole thing.

“It should certainly be interesting, though,” Caduceus says.

Yasha gives an unattractive snort. “That’s one word for it.”

“How did they even get this stuff?” Yasha says. “Aren’t we supposed to be – broke?”

“Oh, that’s a whole story,” Caduceus says. “It happened just a little bit after you left, I think – so apparently, Jester has a mob boss for a father –”

“Jester has a what?”

Nott-not-Veth is down on the ground, hazmat suit noticeably smaller than everyone else’s, bossing people around. As Yasha looks, she gives one of the technicians a whack on the back of the calf and grabs the hose from them, yelling profanities.

“I don’t want to know what that’s about,” Yasha says, when she’s recovered from the sudden shock of Jester – small, sweet, strong Jester – being related to one of the biggest crime bosses in the Dwendalian Empire. Yasha’s heart isn’t good enough for this.

“Nott isn’t so bad, once you get used to her,” Caduceus says. “And she’s a genius as well.”

“I don’t usually do well with geniuses,” Yasha says. People had called Molly a genius. Yasha had been good – had been better than good, sometimes – but it was always within the expected parameters of her personality. Yasha is big and can hit things. When Yasha is in Necrotic Shroud, she is bigger, and can hit bigger things.  Molly had been the one to aim for the throat.

Caduceus hmms next to her but doesn’t speak up. They’re standing side-by-side over the hanger bay, feet dangling off the edge. Yasha can smell the potent mix of chemicals even from up here. She tries not to think about how proud Nott-not-Veth had been when she had announced the plan, but it’s a lost cause.

“My husband is a chemist,” she had said, chest puffed out. “He usually just stays at home and takes care of our son, especially since we moved out here for my job, but I asked him to come in and help with this. Edith is taking care of Luc at the moment, and –”

Yasha keeps nodding and smiling. She doesn’t understand half of the words that have started coming out of Nott’s mouth, and she’s frankly too scared to ask for some more clarification. Caduceus nods in time with Nott’s tone of voice and keeps smiling, long after Yasha can keep up the pretence of being interested in the process of deconstructing and mass-manufacturing monster DNA.

“Do you want to see photos?”

Yasha blanches, thinking of her brief (if singularly traumatising) foray into the deep, dark vestiges of the Shatterdome R&D department. She still hasn’t managed to scrub the image of monster parts, hacked to pieces, lying strewn out across the ground in some kind of disturbing parody of a children’s abstract painting. Nott had been in the middle of it all, elbow-length gloves covered in metallic blue muck and humming cheerfully to herself. Even Caleb was giving her a wide birth, which was saying something.

“We’d love to,” Caduceus says, showing – once again – that he had the self-preservation instincts of a blind lemming. Yasha starts to elbow him in the stomach, but she’s cut off as Nott shoves her phone underneath Yasha’s nose. Visible even underneath the layer of congealing blue slime is a small boy smiling happily at the camera, held tight by his short father.

“Oh,” Yasha says, softly. “He’s lovely.”

Nott’s smile is a thousand degrees hot and a world wide. “Isn’t he?”

.

“I need to talk with you.”

Yasha feels ambushed.

She had thought – well, she had hoped that there would be some lead up to this conversation. Some kind of warning. Instead, Beau is leaning with her hip against Yasha’s door, blocking the only entrance into her room. Caduceus is nowhere to be seen, the coward. Considering how he’s been camping out in that exact same spot for the past few days, he’s either been bribed or blackmailed to move. Traitor.

Beau doesn’t look good. None of them do, really, but there’s something extra than exhaustion hiding underneath her dark skin. She manages a grin when Yasha glares at her, opening the door and sweeping her arm out in invitation.

Yasha thinks about it.

“Okay,” she says, shoulders slumping in defeat. She walks inside.

She hasn’t had time to make the room as nice as things had once been – it’s too small and too empty at the same time. Molly exists in every corner.

Beau surveys the room with an arched eyebrow, and then leans back against the bed with a wry grin.

“Hey.”

Yasha crosses her arms across her chest and doesn’t say anything.

“So, I’ve been avoiding you,” Beau says.

Yasha gives her a Look.

“Yeah, I know,” Beau says. “But things have been pretty crazy lately, you’ve got to admit. There’s all these events, and very big monsters, and hey you’ve got a new Drift partner –”

“I’m not sorry for leaving,” Yasha interrupts.

Beau’s lips thin, and she cuts off with a sharp sigh.

“I had to go,” Yasha says. She feels desperate in a way she can’t fully express. She’s got three layers of skin between the air and her muscles, the shapes all stretched out to an awkward fit. Molly’s grin aches in the lines of her jaw. She can taste Caduceus’ favourite blend of tea in the back of her throat. Yasha doesn’t exist anymore except as a vessel for ghosts. “Beau, I had to go. I was dying.”

“You think we weren’t?” Beau says. Her fists are clenched at her sides, knuckles wrapped. The skin around the wrappings is scraped and bruised – she had obviously been working out her aggression before coming here.

Yasha leans back against the wall, abruptly drained. She doesn’t want a fight. For once in her life, Yasha doesn’t want to fight.

“I’m not sorry I left,” she says. “But I’m sorry that I left you.”

Beau’s head jerks to the side, cheeks flaring up. Her fists clench down harder, until there are going to be half-moon bruises on her palms later from her fingernails. Yasha has the absurd urge to reach out and curl her fingers between Beau’s, to kiss her knuckles. Without even meaning to, Yasha’s hand begins to reach out.

“Do you know what’s been going on?” Beau says. Her voice sounds clogged, raw. Yasha’s hand freezes. “Do you know what’s been happening these past few years? There are so many dead bodies out there. Every time we go out to fight, we’re walking over corpses.”

“The world is made of bones,” Yasha says.

Beau’s laugh is bitter. She throws her whole head into it, smile sharp enough to cut. “I can’t let them down,” she says. Yasha can tell from the tone of her voice that she is talking about Jester and Fjord. “I can’t let them die. I can live with anything else, but I can’t live without them.”

Yasha reaches out to take Beau’s knotted hand. It feels fevered in her cooler fingers, wounded. She gently flattens out her palms and leans forward to kiss her right index finger.

Beau watches her in a daze. The covering for her eye is still there, but the sticky-tape that’s been holding it to her skin is breaking away to reveal the horror underneath. Her eyelid is swelling into a blackened lump, the eye itself underneath red.

“When Molly died,” Yasha says. “The world kept spinning.”

“But you didn’t.”

Yasha smiles. Molly smiles with her.

“I wonder, sometimes,” she says. “If he even existed. I have – holes, in my memory. A lot of holes. Have I – have I ever told you that? I wake up, and I can’t remember my name. I have to think really hard about it. But I can always remember his.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save him,” Beau says, and starts crying.

.

“Did you have a good talk?”

Yasha glares at Caduceus as they leisurely walk towards the kitchen. Caduceus has his ever-present flask of tea in hand. Every time she tries some of it, it’s a different blend. Tea is almost impossible to get around here, even if it’s home-grown. Even drifting, Caduceus hadn’t been willing to share that little secret.

“It was for your own good,” Caduceus says, smile serene. He doesn’t appear to be noticing the dark clouds that are beginning to swarm over Yasha’s face, but the other people in the surrounding area certainly are. They begin to back away. Caduceus breezes on: “Things were complicated between you. Hopefully, they’re now less complicated.”

“They’re still complicated,” Yasha says, arms folded across her chest.

“Yes,” Caduceus says. “But having sex is a different kind of complicated to wanting to have sex.”

Yasha turns and walks away.

.

“Here’s what we need to do,” Caleb says.

The image is a little ridiculous. Caleb is standing in front of an old-fashioned blackboard, a piece of chalk in one hand and a laser-pointer in the other. Yasha keeps getting distracted by the bright light, which probably isn’t exactly the point of this exercise. She wishes that Caduceus would stop snickering at her from behind his tea.

There is a crudely drawn diagram on the blackboard. It looks nothing like Caleb’s usual shorthand scrawl – rather, suspiciously like it was done by a small child…

Nott notices Yasha’s look and puts a finger to her lips. “Children aren’t allowed in the Shatterdome,” she mouths.

“Here,” Caleb says, pointing. “Is the entry point.”

“Are you sure?” Fjord says.

Caleb gives him a bland look. “I’m sure,” he says. “And here” – this time, he uses the laser-pointed to wriggle around the top-left side – “is where Necrotic Shroud is going to push forward. You’re all going at different angles to hopefully catch the double event before they can disrupt our plans too much.”

“So we won’t have backup?” Keg says. Nila is sitting next to her, serene and calm. Yasha wishes that she didn’t know that Nila has a husband and child. She wishes that Caduceus hadn’t ever told her.

“No,” Caleb says.

“This plan definitely won’t fail,” Keg says.

“We only have until tomorrow to prepare,” Caleb says, ignoring her. “But we’ve already fitted all of your Jaegers with trace amounts of alien DNA – according to Veth’s predictions, they have a kind of lock on what can and cannot enter. Since you’ve all been coated –”

“You’ll all be able to go through!” Nott says, beaming. “Have fun falling into another world. I’m going to be safe and sound here, drinking my worries away.”

“If we fail, you’re not going to be very safe,” Fjord points out.

“If you fail, I’ll drink myself into a coma and not have to worry about it,” Nott says.

Shakaste clears his throat, hiding a smile behind his hand. “If you wouldn’t mind continuing?”

“Mighty Nein is going to enter the water first and get to the far side – then Converging Fury will go to the right, and Necrotic Shroud to the left. Necrotic Shroud is the one that absolutely must get through. They’re holding the payload.”

“And let me just say, I’m thrilled to be working so closely with nuclear explosives,” Caduceus says. “This definitely isn’t going to pollute the water around the rift for hundreds of years to come.”

Nott rolls her eyes. “The water around it is already polluted,” she says. “What, you think the monster aliens are going to care about taking care of the planet?”

Caduceus shrugs. Yasha leans over to give his shoulder a conciliatory pat.

“We have predicted the next event to happen sometime early tomorrow, so you’re going to be deployed at around 3AM in order to get to the Breach in time. I suggest” – Caleb…hesitates. Yasha closes her eyes and leans her head against the back of the couch. Caleb clears his throat and continues. “I suggest you get your affairs in order.”

Beau snorts. “The only family I care about is sitting right here.”

Jester runs an anxious hand across her scalp. “I need to call my Mama.”

Yasha feels like she’s been sucker-punched in the gut.

There had been a time – long ago. So long ago. A lifetime and a world away, when Yasha had smiled and the sea hadn’t been full of blue slime: Zuala had wanted children, and Yasha had wanted Zuala to be happy more than anything.

She wonders what it would have been like if things had been different. If she and Zuala – if they had –

“C’mon, let’s head off,” Fjord says, gently taking Jester by the shoulders and leading her away. Beau slumps against the couch, exhaustion written into the slump of her spine. “We can call her together, okay? She loves hearing from you.”

The rest of the group watches them go in silence. Then Nila breaks away and hurries off, face tight and ashen. Keg watches her go and lets out a loud sigh.

“This is fucked,” she says. No one says: this is a suicide run, but no one needs to. It’s written clear as day in the childish chalk-lines of Nott’s son. Yasha doesn’t know if that makes it better or worse. She doesn’t think it makes things anything, really.

“We knew what we were getting into,” Beau snaps.

“Maybe you did,” Keg says. “I sure as fuck didn’t.”

“Now, now – no need to –” Shakaste starts to say.

“Calianna and Twiggy are dead,” Keg says. “And we’re about to be next.”

“We signed up for this,” Beau says, folding her arms across her chest and clenching down hard on her jaw.

Keg laughs. Yasha flinches away from the bitter sound, fingers balling to fists on her lap.

“Of course you would say that,” Keg says.

Beau’s eyes narrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious? You’d much rather go down in a blaze of glory than –”

Beau explodes off from the couch and grabs at Keg’s throat. Keg doesn’t flinch, the wide – slightly manic – grin stretched too-large across her small face.

“Shut it,” she says.

“We’re all as good as dead,” Keg says. “You’re just a little further along than the rest of us.”

“What the fuck,” Yasha says.

Beau doesn’t look away from Keg. “Ignore her. She’s talking bullshit.”

“Beauregard,” Shakaste sighs.

Beau abruptly breaks away from Keg, letting her back to the ground. Keg coughs in a breath. She’s shaking. They’re all shaking, Yasha realises. She’s so cold.

Beau turns on her heel and strides towards the door. On the way, she catches Yasha’s hand and drags her along.

“Come on,” she says. “Let’s get out of here.”

Yasha follows.

.

If Molly was good at anything, it was keeping secrets.

Yasha can’t tell a lie to save her life. There’s a blunt straightforwardness to her that doesn’t do well under subterfuge. If someone is telling an untruth, Yasha is the last person in the room to know.

Molly, though. Molly could say the sky was green with such conviction that people would believe him.

“Don’t listen to her,” Beau says, tugging her further down the hall. Her knuckles are white under the pressure that she’s putting into holding onto Yasha’s hand. Yasha follows, quietly, and thinks of what Molly would say.

In the end, she’s not good with ghosts anymore than she’s good with lies. She says, “Okay”, and doesn’t say anything else.

.

“Are you sure about this?” Caduceus says.

Yasha just looks at him.

Caduceus grins, wide and sharp in a way that Yasha would have never pegged for him. There’s something so unassuming about his tall, rail thin appearance; the pink hair is a distraction. Camouflage. Nobody cruel could ever have pink hair.

“I’m not going to let them die,” she says.

Caduceus laughs to himself. Yasha wonders if they’re made of the same kind of steel, or if she’s just wishing things were different. Would she do this with Molly? Or is Molly the one suggesting it?

“Okay,” he says. “Let’s do this.”

.

Stealing a Jaeger is – surprisingly easy, once Yasha realises Caduceus’s older sister has terrorised her workers into submission. She has yet to meet the elder Clay, and at this point she’s a little bit too terrified to say: “Hi! Nice to meet you! Sorry I’m about to kill your little brother!”

It probably wouldn’t even come out that coherently, either. Yasha has so many problems with words.

Walking in the Drift is always a challenge. Fighting is smooth – punching, slashing: all easy. It’s walking that always tripped (Yasha snorts to herself, much to Caduceus’ amusement) her and Molly up. Neither of them had been very grounded people. Learning to run had come before their baby steps had even been an afterthought.

With Caduceus, walking – there’s an eerie feel of weightlessness to it. Yasha has always felt too heavy for the ground to properly hold her. Left, right, left, right. The further out to sea they go, the further away from gravity Yasha feels. Paradoxically, the heavier the controls become. Yasha is used to taking all the weight, but Caduceus – Caduceus holds his own. Better than Molly in some aspects, certainly. As Caduceus had pointed out: Molly had been very thin, and very small. Not much muscle in the end of it.

In her head – in Caduceus’ head – in their head, Molly makes an amused sound of outrage.

“I’m not short,” he says. He doesn’t even bother to refute his slimness.

“You’re shorter than both of us,” Yasha says. Outside, water swells around the reinforced glass of the cockpit. Left, right, left right: walking onward and forward and away from everything. Yasha’s floaty feeling does not dissipate.

“You’re both giants,” Molly says. His voice echoes around the otherwise empty cockpit, Caduceus and Yasha both beginning to sweat in their harnesses. No matter how many times Yasha has done this, she always starts to sweat the moment the first plate of armour goes on. Caduceus murmurs a small sound of agreement from over on his side. Together, they’re riding the Drift.

Three hours later, the intercom crackles to life.

“Well,” Caduceus says serenely as he listens to the babble of expletives that is being rained down upon both of them. “It looks like they figured out what we did.”

“A little early,” Yasha says, frowning.

Inside of her skin, Caduceus forms her shoulders into a shrug. Clarabelle is scary, but the night before the last big push was bound to attract some attention. It could have been as simple as one of the pilots not being able to go to sleep and wandering into the hanger, lost and lonely.

Yasha doesn’t want to think about that. Caduceus is kind enough to drag the thought away and smother it.

Beau’s voice abruptly cuts off from the intercom, and then Shakaste’s smooth tone comes through. There isn’t a hint of nerves in it, no matter that enough nuclear weapons to raze a small country has just disappeared into the abyss. Clarabelle had very helpfully disabled their GPS coordinates, though it probably wasn’t too much of a guess as to where they were going.

“What do you think you two are doing?”

Caduceus answers for them, when Yasha’s tongue gets knotted at the back of her throat.

“Completing the mission,” he says. He grins, sharp. Yasha has loved so many sharp people. “Sir.”

“Half at once,” Shakaste says. “Wait for the other Jaegers to get there. You need to stick to the plan.”

Yasha wants to laugh, so Caduceus does that for her, too.

“We’ll be waiting at the Breach,” he says, and cuts off the coms.

The silence gouges deeply into the space between them. Yasha is breathing heavily, and she hasn’t even said a single word. Next to her, Molly is laughing, because Molly is a dick.

“Beau sounded mad,” Yasha eventually says.

“Just a bit,” Caduceus says.

“I’m never going to get to apologise.”

“Probably not, no.”

Yasha thinks about that. Left, right, left right.

“Oh, well,” she thinks. Molly pats her shoulder. Caduceus says nothing.

They keep walking.

.

[luciana-galvez]

rockstars & runaways | part 1

Nikki and Kat go way back, but with his issues and her family history, finding their way back together is a long and rocky road. And with the rockstar life, what’s the hurry anyway?

Fandom: The Dirt

Words: 2.1k

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x OC

Warnings: Nothing, as of now. Angst maybe?

Note: I’m basing this on the fictionalized version of the characters. This is an ongoing story. This is also my first OC story on tumblr, which is exciting! Feedback is always welcome! 

1984

It had been over two years since she had last seen Nikki. Two years, eight months, and fifteen days to be exact, not that she was counting. She remembered the last time better than she liked, and there was still that small pang of guilt that gnawed at her whenever she thought about it.

Not that she hadn’t had valid reason to leave. She had been in LA for too long already, but when she met the broken boy that was almost as angry at the world as she was, the part of her that was longing for connection convinced her that it was okay to stay for just a little longer. Just a couple of weeks.

And the weeks turned into months. It would have turned into years if she wouldn’t have had that close call that almost rendered all her years of running irrelevant, so when she eventually left, she did it in the most cowardly way possible, and the only way she knew how — she ran.

She did leave a note, but she knew it didn’t make up for sneaking out while Nikki was passed out after a long night jamming with the boys and an even longer night partying.

So when she saw the poster for Mötley Crüe playing in Boston a couple of weeks ago, she was shell-shocked. She hadn’t seen their faces for so long that she even doubted her own sanity for a brief second, but even back then she had known they were good. She had known they would become big. She just hadn’t expected it so soon.

She also knew that she had to go, no matter how bad an idea it was.

So she went.

She stood in the back during the concert, watching them go wild on stage with a feeling that was half pride and half jealousy. She longed for their familiarity and it felt like the weight of knowing she missed out on everything that happened wouldn’t leave her anytime soon.

After the show she had lingered outside for long enough to overhear one of the roadies mention which club the band was headed, and she was on her way there not long after. Now she was skimming though the crowd of people that all wanted to party with Mötley Crüe and cursed under her breath whenever someone would bump into her.

But the longer she looked, the more she realized they might not actually be here. The roadie could have mixed up the name of the club, the band might have gotten distracted by the nearest strip club, or they might have just as well taken the bus straight to their next stop instead.

She had gone into this night knowing it was a bad idea, but realizing that it might not be in her hands if she actually got to see him was so crushing that she needed a moment to steady herself. Leaning against the nearest wall, she closed her eyes and went through her mental checklist, as she always did when she got anxiety.

Breathing in. She was in Boston. Breathing out. Her name was Charlene. Breathing in. At least that’s what her current ID said. Breathing out. She was 23 years old. Breathing in. Nothing had happened in 2 years, 8 months and 16 days. Breathing out. She was safe, she was safe, she was safe.

She was pulled from her thoughts when a crowd of girls started screaming so loudly that she felt the roof must be coming down, and it didn’t take long for her to find the source of the commotion. Across the room, which was so clouded with cigarette smoke that it was surprising there was any visibility at all, the band had just walked in through the front door, and the crowd was going wild.  

She watched as Vince locked arms with the closest girl that threw herself at him and Mick beelined past him straight to the bar. Tommy came in next, and his expression was so full of pure joy and excitement that it was hard to combine the picture with the out-of-control-rockstar that she saw on stage just an hour earlier.

And then she saw Nikki.

Instead of his glamourous stage outfit he was now wearing a plain black tank top, and the horizontal black paint under his eyes was smudged. There was a smile playing on his lips as well, but he wasn’t glowing nearly as much as Tommy. He grabbed the drink of someone standing close to him, downed it in one go, haphazardly threw the empty glass at someone else, and continued walking to the bar as well.  

For a moment she felt frozen. She had been so nervous about seeing Nikki, about seeing all of them really, that she hadn’t thought about what would actually happen when she found them. What would she say? What could she even say in this situation?

She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and slowly approached the bar, where the whole band was now lined up, thirstily finishing their first drinks. Each of them had at least one girl next to them, and she watched with an even bigger twist in her stomach as Nikki readily and happily flirted back with the blonde next to him.

She eventually came to a stop ten feet away from the bar when the lump in her throat became too big and she had to press her palms against her thighs to stop them from shaking. She felt utterly lost. The thought to just turn around and leave crossed her mind. She had seen them now, seen Nikki and seen that he’s doing alright. That should be enough, right?

She was just about to turn on her heels when she locked eyes with Tommy. It took a moment, but when he realized who he was looking at, the grin disappeared out of his face instantly. It took him even longer to break through the daze and move, stretching his long arm past Vince to tap Nikki on the shoulder. Before she could prepare herself, Tommy had Nikki’s attention and pointed towards her.

When Nikki’s eyes found her, his expression vanished from his face right away. He simply stared at her for a moment, but before she could think about what to say, he turned away and headed straight for the exit, his posture so tense that it felt like he might bend and snap any second. She released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding and hurriedly followed him outside.

She moved out the door just in time to see his black mop of hair disappearing into a side alley and jogged after him. When she turned the corner, she found Nikki bent over, his palms pressed against the stone wall.

“What the fuck?” he exclaimed when he saw her, straightening up and facing her. The expression in his face had turned to pure rage.

“Nikki,” she started, but he wasn’t done.

“No, don’t ‘Nikki’ me! Three sentences,” he snapped. “You left with three sentences on a goddamn napkin! He found me. I had to leave. I’m sorry. I thought you were dead in a fucking ditch.”

“Not yet,” she said softly, with a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

Nikki simply stared at her, disbelievingly. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You knew it would happen eventually,” she said, her voice still soft.

“Then why show up again now? Saw that we were getting rich and famous and wanted a piece of it?”

He might as well have slapped her. In fact, slapping her would have hurt less.

“You’re right,” she managed to say eventually. “This was a bad idea.” And with that, she turned around and walked away.

As she walked, she balled her hand into fists so violently that she felt her nails digging into her skin. She didn’t know what she had expected, but she knew it wasn’t this kind of rage, and it was hard to swallow the disappointment she felt. She managed to get halfway down the street before she heard him call after her.

“Kat,” he shouted, and when she didn’t stop, followed it up with another, “Kat!”

She finally stopped but needed a moment to compose herself before turning around. Nikki was slowly walking up to where she was, and the anger had been replaced by an expression Kat couldn’t quite identify.

He eventually came to a halt right in front of her. “Nikki,” she started, but he interrupted her right away.

“Shut up,” he said, and for the first time there was no malice in his voice. He almost sounded like the Nikki she knew a couple of years ago.

And before she knew it, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, one hand on her back and one gently pressing against the back of her head. It took her a moment before she managed to reciprocate the movement, and when she did she didn’t know if she would be able to let him go again.

Nikki was strong and warm and familiar, and she instantly regretted showing up tonight because now it would be so much harder to leave again. She wrapped her arms around him a little tighter, holding on for as long as she could.

“I thought you were dead,” he repeated, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

1980

The Starwood was a shabby place. The floor was constantly sticky no matter how often it was mopped, the air was stagnant, it was constantly dark, and let’s not even start about the bathrooms.

Kat loved every bit of it.

She had managed to talk the owner into giving her an off-the-books cleaning job a couple of weeks earlier. Most of the customers were rude or too drunk to care when she stayed until the shows, and the other employees didn’t pay her any mind. Kat relished being there.

At night, when the live music turned out all the other noises around, she felt more alive than she had in a long time, maybe ever.

She was currently unsuccessfully mopping the floor of the concert room, trying to avoid thinking about how many bodily fluids and alcohol had mixed up to create this particular kind of superglue. Moving backwards across the room, the was taken aback when she bumped into someone and jumped in surprise.

It was one of the other guys working here, currently picking up stray trash, but it was the first time she got a closer look at him. He was skinny and tall, and his messy dark black hair was almost bigger than his head itself.

“Relax,” he uttered at her reaction, and made to turn away.

“Aren’t you the guy from the band yesterday?” Kat asked, furrowing her eyebrows. She hadn’t made the connection before, but looking at him closely, she noticed the familiarity. When he didn’t answer, she added “London?”

“Yeah,” he answered offhandedly, continuing to pick up trash. Kat’s task, however, was forgotten. She leaned on her mop and watched him, noticing that he was ever so slightly hunching, and his eyes were smaller than they should be. Hungover, she bet.

“Why are you working at the club your band plays at?” she prodded.

“Believe it or not, I have bills to pay.” He didn’t even try to mask his annoyance.

Kat grinned. “Okay, Rockstar.”

When she didn’t seem to get back to work, he eventually stopped as well and properly looked up, his eyes moving from her small face over her hair down to her body.

“You’re new,” he said eventually. It wasn’t a question.

“Observant.”

For the first time, a small smirk played on his face, and he looked a little less hungover and a little more pretty.

“I’m Nikki,” he said after a moment.

“Okay, Rockstar,” Kat repeated, and then she turned around and went back to mopping the floor.

“That’s where you introduce yourself.”

“Is it?” she asked without turning back to him. She hoped he couldn’t hear the grin in her voice.

But before Nikki could say anything else, the manager of Starwood appeared in the doorway. “Kat!” he bellowed, and Kat cringed.

“I’ll be right there,” she told Gary before eventually turning back to Nikki with a resigned expression.

“Kat, huh?” he grinned.

“Well,” she shrugged, “I tried.”

Without waiting for a reply, she turned around and headed to the door. “So long, Rockstar.”

Before she turned the corner into the hallway, she allowed herself on last glance back. Nikki had gone back to cleaning up, and his back was turned to her. She grinned.

Oh, this would be interesting.  

[miniatureclover]

Faraway Wanderers Reading Blog: Chapters 01-05

First post of my attempt at the May 2020 Asian Readathon with Faraway Wanderers!

Just some highlights here, the rest is on my wordpress blog because my ramblings got long.

Chapter 1: Tian Chuang

The first sentences use a common motif in Chinese literature and art to set the scene: our story begins at the end of winter, bridging into spring – the time when plum blossoms are seen blooming in the snow. Plum blossoms have come to symbolize resilience and perseverance as one of three plants that still flourish in the dead of winter.

Despite the emperor’s reluctance to let the last of his old friends go, he allows Zhou Zishu to accept the last nail that will seal his fate. It really is a gory self-inflicted punishment, I mean, it’s best not to think too hard on the fact that the main character is running around with seven nails punctured into his chest. Yeah. Let’s just try to ignore that going forward (also, don’t ask how, suspension of disbelief activated haha).

When I read this chapter a few months ago, I didn’t pay the setting much mind, but looking back on it those plum blossoms really set the scene – marking both a beginning and an end, enduring hardship and adversity to blossom.

Chapter 2: Chance Encounter

A short explanation is in order. Most wuxia stories are more grounded in realism and centered around martial arts, but the whole internal force, meridians, and acupuncture points are also an integral part of many wuxia stories. The internal force distinguishes the average fighter from a skilled martial artist – by disrupting that flow of internal energy, a person can be paralyzed or crippled. That’s more or less how the wuxia genre has been since it was popularized by Jin Yong’s works.

After some exposition on how Zhou Zishu walked out of there alive when most figuratively drop dead on the spot, we are brought along his new journey outside the spying life to…creep around people’s properties, drink wine, and bask in his newfound freedom. He also does a really bad impression of a beggar, despite the looks, because he’s not actually looking for handouts therefore puzzling all the people on the street except for a certain man who correctly guesses that Zhou Zishu is merely sunbathing.

An introspective piece reveals a bit more about our MC: ambitious and arrogant in his youth, but at the end of all his efforts there really isn’t much to show for it. He pretty much gave up his youth in service to his country, and “…anything he ever owned had to become compensation for the acts he committed”. The overarching theme according to reviews is atonement for past deeds, and two chapters into the story there have already been two references to this sort of karmic retribution (the emperor being all alone after ascending to the throne being the other).

Chapter 3: Abandoned Shrine

In which we find out that Zhou Zishu is a bit of a child inside. More accurately, he’s a dying man with no fucks left to give, who wants to live out his final days enjoying life as he never had a chance to before. He’s a bit aimless, though, and flippant about death, even his own, which is only appropriate given his former occupation. Despite his childish way of provoking the fisherman for his entertainment and enjoying his newfound ability to curse whenever he wants to, he is naturally observant, picking up on the fact that the fisherman is likely hiding some shady business, otherwise he wouldn’t be so rude and scare off customers.

As is typical of these abandoned shrine sideplots, the three people are running from their pursuers – who are after the kid in the group, a kid who makes the impulsive decision to leap into battle like a suicidal lemming. Ah, youth.

Zhou Zishu thinks it a coincidence that he keeps running into the same people today, as this marks the third time he’s seeing the girl in purple who threatened to poison a guy who for all she knew was just a random beggar. Personally, I’d been kind of suspicious at this point but that’s just me.

Chapter 4: The Chivalrous

We really need to hit the names before this gets more confusing, but the girl in purple. Is she following an archetype so far? Yes, but I do love her flippant attitude and she can hold her own in a fight. Always stan kickass self-confident girls. She is definitely a prime example of ‘cool but maybe get far away before you get murdered on a whim’ kind of character though.

Anyways, Zhou Zishu was not looking for the start of an adventure, nor a babysitting gig, but it has come calling him in the form of a dying man’s plea to deliver the kid he’s escorting. And this is where it gets interesting. The fisherman tries to guilt trip him by pulling the ‘it’s for your descendants and reincarnation’ card.

I appreciate when characters have a belief system that matches the time period. It’s easy to force characters to adopt modern mindsets, but realistically most people raised and living in X culture for their whole life would share a similar set of values and beliefs. Even if the writer or reader doesn’t believe in reincarnation, the characters definitely would.

So, Zhou Zishu accepts the fisherman’s request and the man dies, at peace (and cursing him if he fails in his task lol). But then the girl in purple asks for his name and this awesome spymaster, master of disguise…gives her the name Zhou. Zhou Xu. Zhou Xu??? Hello, that’s 1) your real last name and 2) ‘xu’ is kinda similar to ‘shu’ (I think – I’m awful at Mandarin pronunciations so I could be misinterpreting). Anyway, what was he thinking?? I know that his real name was kept a secret all these years, but still. The girl already said her master knew he was suspicious.

Chapter 5: The Evils

Just a friendly reminder that Zhou Zishu is basically wandering around the world with a skintight mask on and nails embedded in his chest which cause him excruciating pain at night. Last chapter, we were also reminded that he basically has no internal energy left, which surprised Gu Xiang when he grabbed her wrist. In this chapter, we learn that he’s fading fast due to the nails acting up.

Also, slight spoiler: her master is the main love interest of the story, so the bit about him visiting an old lover to have a one night fling is actually kind of refreshing. A lot of stories make its main characters inexperienced in terms of romance and/or sex before getting together in the story, which is fine, except it’s so popular that it kind of sends an ick message. So, kudos.

In conclusion:

Zhou Zishu is not my favorite protagonist ever, but he doesn’t annoy me, and I like the theme of redemption for past deeds and his drive to leave his old life behind and atone for those sins to the point of severe personal harm. It’ll be interesting to see how this unfolds. And hopefully the next 5 chapters will have the main love interest in them lol.

[petaltrail]

BASICS !

Is your muse tall / short / average?

she’s 5′2″ roundabouts, so pretty short !

Are they okay with their height?

i actually answered an ask about this  here  !  but the gist of it is she’s okay with it now --- it doesn’t bother her as much as it used to. 

What’s their hair like?

it’s a very, very deep shade of red --- almost black in some lighting --- that fades into a much brighter red gradient at the ends.

Do they spend a lot of time on their hair / grooming?

mmmmm nope. she fusses over it from time to time if it’s bothering her, but half the reason her hair looks the way it does in volumes 4-6 ( according to me ) is because she tried to take care of her hair herself. it looked waaay more uneven before nora fixed it up for her. she’s gotten a bit more into styling now that she’s getting older, since it’s a part of her identity and whatnot. 

Does your muse care about their appearance / what others think?

yes. it’s not a huge insecurity for her, but she does care; living with a big sister all your life --- and then two more girls --- makes you notice things about your appearance that you wouldn’t normally care about. she does take pride in her appearance and enjoys the ‘image’ she crafts; beyond that, she’s always had a habit of adopting little reminders or pieces of those she cares about and putting them in her appearance. ( ie her tunic resembling penny’s after vol 3, her corset style resembling pyrrha’s and only getting stronger in vol 7, wearing her cape like pyrrha wears her sash after vol 3, etc ) 

so yes, appearance does matter; and she may not actively try and shift her behavior because of it, but she definitely cares what others think of her too. not only as a person ( normal girl with normal knees ), but at this point in time she deeply cares about how she’s perceived as a leader. 

PREFERENCES !

Indoors or outdoors?  outdoors. Rain or sunshine?  sunshine. Forest or beach?  she’d love to visit a beach, but she’s more at home in a forest. Precious metals or gems?  metals. Flowers or perfumes?  flowers. Personality or appearance?  personality, for sure. Being alone or being in a crowd?  lmaoooo being alone. Order or anarchy?  normally? anarchy. currently? order feels kinda nice. Painful truths or white lies?  painful truths. always. Science or magic?  why not both? both is good. ( maybe a little less magic would be okay ) Peace or conflict?  peace. always. Night or day?  night. Dusk or dawn?  dusk. Warmth or cold?  she prefers being warm, but if we’re talking extreme temps? cold --- layers are cute. Many acquaintances or a few close friends?  a few close friends ( and some super besties ). Reading or playing a game?  she loves both! 

QUESTIONNAIRE !

What are some of your muses bad habits?

she has a reaaally big problem with talking with her hands. like... prone to hitting people by accident kind of problem. she also has a tendency to almost always fidget, both out of anxiety and hyperactivity. because she has auditory processing issues, Ruby has to try really, really hard not to ask ‘what?’ and then instinctively respond to the sentence/question before someone finishes repeating it. she knows it’s rude, but it’s instinct ! 

she picks/bites her nails, she’s affectionate to the point of using loved ones like a jungle gym from time to time, she has horrible sleeping and eating habits, and she absolutely wears her headphones for longer than she should --- and in situations where she definitely shouldn’t.

What are some fond memories your muse has?

ruby’s fondest memories are almost all part of her time at beacon --- revolving around time spent with her teammates, their friends, their adventures. some of those memories are a little difficult to look at right now; they’re interlocked with some of her worst memories. 

she holds fond memories of her childhood, too, in patch --- but a lot of these are hazy, particularly from when her mother was still alive. she remembers the sensory aspects ( sight, smell, etc ) more than vivid pictures... but among the ones she can recall vividly are times spent outdoors or in the kitchen --- gardening, playing with bugs, cooking, eating all the dough before it can go in the oven. 

Is it easy for your muse to kill?

kill grimm ? yes. kill people ? no. but she will if it comes to that. she just... has a higher threshold for ‘when it comes to that’ than some people. 

What’s it like when your muse breaks down?

haha, well, it’s not fun !  she doesn’t break down in front of... well, pretty much anybody. if it’s an emotional breakdown, it’ll be a mixture of crying and gasping --- she hyperventilates pretty easily when she’s worked up. she feels a need to cling to something, anything, to keep her grounded. she’ll be drained for a while afterwards, and she’ll isolate herself hardcore for days if no one’s keeping an eye on her. 

Is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life?

absolutely. she can think of eight really important people just off the top of her head. 

What’s your muse like when they’re in love?

don’t tell anyone i told you this, but Ruby’s a bit of a romantic. she grew up reading fairy tales and romances --- both of the more ancient, knights-on-a-quest type and the love story type. part of the reason she was so drawn to being a huntress, aside from the obvious aspect of helping the defenseless, was the romantic aspects of the lifestyle. both of her parents were huntsmen that were on the same team, after all. 

she’s a nervous wreck when it comes to expressing interest in someone, but when she knows they’re on the same page --- when there’s an actual relationship there --- she’s all in. she loves to show her affection and have it shown in return, and doesn’t really require much beyond that; she doesn’t care about super-elaborate dates or expensive gifts, and she’ll be comfortable enough that she doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence. she’d be equally happy if they’re on an adventure or curled up reading, as long as they’re together. that said, she’ll definitely go out of her way more often than not --- remembering small things they like or have interest in, and scrounging around for those things to present to them at random. as far as she’s concerned, dating and being in love is just... a friend with a few upgrades, so that deep and comfortable bond is important for her.

tagged by: i borrowed it i have a permit tagging: you !

[addytheheartbreaker]

The Blind Memory

Chapter 6, part 3: Trancing for my worse

Jason felt like he had check his other older brother Leon for a minute since his delusion kept him from anything unless he snaps into violence. Yet he felt worried inside that he might gonna go berserk if the delusion gave him an image of his hated 'cousin'. But right now, he should be worrying about the others. He should check on his favorite brother Jacob before checking with Joen since these two will be in bigger stress then trouble.

Yet he is wrong.

After searching around the halls and rooms he had found the brown rabbit with a shreds of fabric coming from the couch before he ran going somewhere to claw with. Oh man its happening. He needs to find him! The younger gray rabbit quickly search for him as the horror came into him. Earlier, Jacob was responsible to detroy the couch to shreds. He needs to release his anger to calm himself, yet he left him alone this hour. He went disarray then do impulsive acts through the halls. Punching a random patient might be a bad idea to cause the guards attention. The brown rabbit did what he did to fight strongly, he needs to destroy everything just to be capable to protect them yet those bastards has to came to stop him through his way on fighting the insulting patient just as his favorite gray bunny came.

Jason: Brown!

Jacob look up to see the youngest brother watching the brown rabbit man beating up a random patient and trying to escape from the guards advantage. By the looks of it he manage to fought back from the guards, rebelling it as he reach out his hand toward Jason. Jason help his favorite brother reaching out by involving them. The gray rabbit's sharp nails begin slashing across the guard just in time to drag the brown rabbit away then escape from the scene. The brown rabbit man lead the younger gray rabbit man through the halls. The 5 rabbit brothers may have unable to use their powers since this build is built for anti powers to manage to not use them on escaping but Jacob still has enough energy to ran with Jason as fast as he could without his speed boost ability. It took minutes to find a perfect hiding spot for them to hide just as the gray rabbit collapse from exhaustion, except for the brown rabbit. He still have more energy left for him to ran.

Jason: *panting* Brown... What did you do that *inhale* for?

Jacob: sorry, I can't help but wanted to do that.

Jason: *hold breath* let me guess.... Frustrated about 'him'?

Jacob: don't mention about 'him' Gray! How many times that we did that old lesson from 'him'?

Jacob and Jason both remember that old memory about 'him' with that messy scene where they ran away to be able end the torture with a plan by Jason.

*flashback, before being send to the asylum*

2 bunnies running away together holding hands as tight like a lock. Young Jacob has been dragging young Jason everything he could to hide him. The gray bunny and the brown bunny couldn't take it anymore for being taught by that man on teaching them an unsafe commitment. Their home, the amusement park was their home. At night it is already close with people hopping back home and employees get paid for their effort to rest. Now that its close with the main gates is also close as well with no other way to escape their home that the 5 bunnies try to get away.

Being trap with a monster playing hide and seek. Young Jacob did what he can to find a hiding place safely enough to conceal them both. Young Jason is getting more exhausted his legs can't keep up from running away his predator.

???: JASON?!

Oh no.... He coming! Quick! The carousel is the only place to hide! The family's biggest attraction of the Roger family; the merry go round. They found out that young Helios is hiding inside the engine that could be very dangerous for him to let that monster found him, beside that is young Leon with young Joen hugging each other at the horse carriage covering it with a black cloak. The two bunnies needs to be hurry before he-

???: Gotcha!!!

The gray bunny was being dragged behind him with his hand letting go from the brown bunny. Maniac laughs loud enough to scare the frighten bunnies hiding away from their 'cousin'.

Young Jason: let him go!

???: or what Jacob? You mean like this?

The giant rabbit grabbed Jacob's neck then raise him above him which cause him to choke with his hands wrapping around the man's strong hand to let his neck go.

Young Jason: Joshua! Let him go!

The gray bunny struggles. He is too young and too short to even kick the older rabbit to stop him, only to bite the Joshua's hand and twisting the arm the more he struggle. He heard someone behind him.

Young Leon: JOEN!!! NO!!!

Young Joen stab his 'cousin' through the back with his sharp nails. It didn't effects him as the harlequin glared back at the white bunny then kick him across him, knocking poor young Joen through one of the horses. He release the brown bunny giving him a rough landing to the floor as he walks his way to Joen.

Joshua: that is hurt Joen. You got some balls to fight back.

Joen recovered to stand up with full rage in his red eyes glowing as he ran into the harlequin rabbit. Joshua is too strong that he managed to pin the white bunny close to the engine. Their he sees young Helios, scared at the scene of the look of the green eyed rabbit staring at tuxedo bunny who is actually hiding there. Young watch his older brother being pinned down by the bigger rabbit similar to his older brother but with tears messing his face, focusing only the white bunny only.

With Joen and Joshua went on with Jason trying to recover Jacob. Nows the time Jason's plan begin.

They are lucky.... Almost lucky. Earlier before they play, the gray bunny manage to sneak into Joshua to steal his phone, contacted the police for help as quickly as possible just before they play hide and seek together to buy time.

The police came in with the scene where Joen is almost stabbed by Joshua. With that, the police use their electric taser to prevent the harlequin rabbit to continue his abuse with the poor white bunny.

With Joshua is now arrested for domestic child abuse his own yoinger cousins, the police has to take the 5 frighten bunnies with them. A few days when trail gave the verdict guilty for so many crimes that are actually true from all the accuses from many celebrities who are involved to him, even the celebrities who commit suicide are the biggest crime that only cause by the harlequin rabbit's hands. Joshua is now sentence to went behind bars at the most secured and biggest prisons for the most dangerous criminals has ever caught for 25 years.

As for the 5 rabbit brothers.... They are all been a victim from him and the publics eye has see it all that went viral from the news of the Roger Family is the biggest shame with their legacy and fame to the ground. The Roger family's name has destroyed. The 5 rabbit brothers are in deep desperation, the judge send the bailiffs to send the rabbit brothers to the most secured mental asylum.

The 5 rabbit brothers are all been unstable since the school reports the police departments about their misbehavior and instability on themselves. After learning the whole truth behind those brothers they are now sent to asylum for the better. Over 9 years, people who still remember the Roger family is forgotten. Ignoring the wicked truth, even forgetting the remaining family of that name still trap in a box left behind.

*present day, with Joen*

Joen is at the canteen twitching his neck silently. This isn't helping at all, the noises that his inmates made irritates him. He doesn't want to sleep right now, not without that traitor still chasing his dreams. He had hope that his doll friend is fighting him off but the fact that when he is paralyze with Doll telling him to wake up. What he didn't understand is that does she know about Joshua?

There's no way she knew. He didn't told her about him. Does she know that the rabbit man is in danger. That answer was a yes since he has been trancing by the harlequin rabbit. He is so eager to meet her again, he wanted to see her now but... He needs to be patient....

No....

He can't just wait here this long....

He wants to see her now!

God why is time so slow to torture this daytime routine.

This is so boring, so irritating!

This isn't helping with these bastard going around doing insane routines.

He wanted out!

He wanted to see her!

He wanted to feel happy and safe again!

He wanted to be free from this box!

He wanted everything stop!!!!

HE WANTED THIS TORTURE TO STOP!!!

Joen twitches faster from irritation, biting his bottom lip with his sharp front tooth not too hard to bleed himself. He held his hands together with his sharp claws already sharpen as ever.

Doctor: Joen Roger?

The white rabbit man twitch again turning his face to one of the doctors of this asylum.

Doctor: your psychiatrist is here. You should go there now.

Joen: but I don't wanna go there, can't you see that I am busy?

He is not in the mood to talk.

Doctor: Joen... You better go there unless I'll call the guards to drag you there.

Joen stands up then pushes the doctor rudely to the opposite direction. The doctor called his name out loud but Joen didn't even listening. He had it enough. His mood were cloudy and harsh the behavior he could take.

This only time the white rabbit was caught by two guards carrying him to the other side of the halls.

Oh no.... Not not!!!

Joen begin to struggle from the guards unfortunately they are far too stronger for the rabbit man to struggle before he entered the psychiatrist's office with his psychiatrist sitting at the chair waiting for the Rabbit for psychotherapy.

This Is going to be a terrible day for Rabbit.

To be continue....