#{retired wizard; bin}

[offthe-deepend]

anyway hello

"Hello."

[honourablejester]

Character Concept: A Trinket Wizard

Recently I was talking about characters inspired by trinkets from the PHB Trinket Table. I was noodling around, rolling on the table for fun, and I landed on this one:

36 A vest with 100 tiny pockets

And for some reason this butted up against the descriptions for wizard spellbooks in my head, particularly the suggestion that your spellbook could be a loose sheaf of notes, and that made me think … What if the waistcoat is the spellbook? This wizard copies out the spells onto thin strips of paper, and then carefully folds them up inside special little leather wraps, and stows them into one of the hundred individual pockets so that only they know what’s where. Maybe it’s a combination spellbook/component pouch, and some pockets have spells and some have (possibly distressing) magical ingredients, and some have, IDK, boiled sweets and ink bottles and random pocket detritus. The wizard’s constant refrain is ‘I have it here somewhere!’, and ‘here’ is always another of the hundred tiny pockets in this ratty-but-sturdy old vest.

And then I thought … what if it was a Scribes Wizard. You know. The one where their spellbook becomes sentient. The one where you can manifest its mind, and it’s a ratty old waistcoat full of spells, and this ratty old wizard is followed around by a hovering ball of yarn that heckles them relentlessly and is as absent-minded as they are.

(I don’t know if a DM would allow me to have a wearable spellbook on a Scribes Wizard, since they can use their book as a focus, but we could say I have to have my hand in a pocket to use it that way?)

I’m just … I’m picturing this ratty auld one, this skinny bag of bones that looks like she was rolled out of a carpet that someone found behind the rubbish bins, wearing like a tweed skirt or something and good leather boots and then this absolutely ridiculous waistcoat of now-indeterminate colour, with the clear remnants of some quite fancy brocade, and so many pockets, inside, outside, hidden in the seams, all over. She’s got long, grubby fingers covered in ink, and they’re always in a pocket. She writes her spells out on strips of parchment over her knee, using her skirt as a blotter, folds them up tiny, like less than an inch square, and tucks them in these tiny protective leather pouches to stash in one of her pockets. Sometimes she pulls distressing things out of the pockets too, to help cast spells, and other times she pulls a sweet or a snack out of there, and you can’t tell if it’s the same pocket. Boiled sweets covered in what you desperately hope is lint, which she noisily chews and crunches during downtime when she’s writing. There’s tiny vials of ink stored in some of those pockets, and it’s incredibly obvious that several of them, or their predecessors, have broken over the years, leading to fresh or fading stains and the complete inability to tell the garment’s original colour. When she remembers, she uses Prestidigitation to clean it up a bit, but it’s been marinated in magic and ink for so long that the effect is often rather negligible. (The skirt, and the coat that goes over it, have faired a little better, but not a lot). She looks like a Victorian librarian that’s been throw out with the old newspapers, and sounds like a retired schoolteacher who’s desperately in need of some red ink and a pile of questionable essays to vent her spleen on. Her Manifested Mind, hovering around, looks like a hopeless pile of yarn, and is about of the same personality as her, an acid comment always ready to go. She is a wizard, thank you very much, and she’ll thank you to remember it.

Honestly, I don’t know if this one would be allowed, but I’m rather enchanted by the idea of her. Heh.

[aurorawest]

Now that it’s Officially Canon™ that Stephen dresses like a slob, allow me to present you with some of the times I have Called It:

From Here, Here, and Here (not posted yet):

Granted, Strange looked more solid and real than he had in Loki’s hallucinations of him. He was Cloak-less. Master of the Mystic Arts robe-less. In each hallucination, Strange had appeared in his full wizardly regalia. Now, he was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.

[...]

Strange’s brow furrowed. “What?” The collar of his sweatshirt had little holes in it, as though it had been chewed on. The cuffs of the sleeve looked the same. Loki couldn’t decide if he found it endearing or absurd.

From Life on Earth (not posted yet):

He drummed his fingers on the table and let his eyes drift to Strange. He’d taken his coat off when they’d come in, so this was the first time Loki was seeing him without the shapeless thing on. As usual, he wasn’t dressed particularly sharply. The strange—pun intended—contradiction of Stephen was how great he looked in his wizard clothes, but how completely unable he seemed to dress nicely at any other time. Now, he was wearing a blue sweatshirt over his jeans.

[...]

There was another silence. Loki’s eyes flicked over Strange’s clothes. The blue sweatshirt said COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY on the front. Ah—right. Loki remembered this shirt. It was from his alma mater. It did look comfortable, if an embarrassing choice to wear outside of one’s home.

[...]

Swallowing and clearing his throat, Loki said, “At least that sweatshirt you’re wearing doesn’t have holes chewed through the collar.”

“If I’d known I was going to run into you, I would have worn my going-out sweatshirt,” Strange said very seriously.

From Unready (not posted yet):

Strange had come to sit next to him, plopping down in a lawn chair with a bottle of cheap beer in his hand. He had been wearing shorts. Shorts and a t-shirt. And flip-flops. It had been embarrassing, and that was saying a lot where it came to Strange.

From The General Mess and Imprecision of Feeling (not posted yet)

Per the norm, Strange looked as though he’d rooted through the reject bin at a thrift store drop-off point for his outfit. He was wearing a jacket made of some sort of fuzzy material. It was pilling badly, and the zipper was clearly broken. Embroidered text on one side of his chest read LADY GAGA, and underneath, in smaller text, THE MONSTER BALL TOUR 2011.

2011. Nearly twenty years ago. In Loki’s experience, most clothing on Earth wasn’t made to last for twenty years—though he supposed there had been a five year gap in which this jacket hadn’t gotten any use. Still. Loki was tempted to tell him to retire it.

(I even nail the sweatpants color in this one!)

“No, no…everything’s fine.” Loki shifted back to the other foot. With each passing second, he felt like more of an idiot for coming here. Strange didn’t even look nice right now. He was wearing dark navy sweatpants and a white undershirt, as though he’d rolled out of bed recently and hadn’t bothered getting dressed. His hair was tousled, there was a little stubble growing in around the neat edges of his goatee, and he only had one sock on.

The problem was…Strange may not have looked nice, but he still looked good. The shirt was tight across his shoulders and chest, tight around his biceps, and though it wasn’t tight over his stomach, it was riding up slightly, and his pants were sagging on his hips, so Loki was getting quite a decent view of Strange’s lower belly.

[...]

Strange was coming out of the study, dressed in jeans and his slouchy, well-worn Columbia University sweatshirt. Holding up his phone, he said, “I didn’t expect you so soon. I just sent that like, a second ago.”

[halothenthehorns]

BAGMAN AND CROUCH

As James started, he prayed to Merlin and anything else that this was the Quidditch chapter already, he'd waited long enough for it!

Harry had to unravel himself from Ron and his siblings, then looked around to find himself on the edge of a moor. In front of him were two oddly dressed wizards, one holding a watch, the other a long sheaf of parchment. Both had made an attempt at wearing Muggle garb, though both failed;

Remus already had a grin flickering on him, he loved hearing about wizards poor attempts to dress like Muggles.

The man with the watch wore a tweed suit with thigh-length galoshes;

Remus and Lily collectively snorted with amusement at that mental image, while James and Sirius exchanged curious looks, but decided they didn't really want to know what a galosh was. It sounded like some noise one of Hagrid's pets would make.

his colleague, a kilt and a poncho.

Lily lost it, and had to press her hand firmly to her mouth to suppress her giggles.

Harry and Remus weren't much better, and this time Sirius did ask, "Which one of those is wrong?" He may know a fair bit about Muggle technology and some of their other things through his Muggle Studies class, but they hadn't gone into great detail about dressing. Mostly, they just wore blue jean material but he wasn't certain why.

"Both," Harry managed to choke out, only having managed to restrain himself back then because he and Hermione had been the only ones to get the joke, and they hadn't wanted to make the wizards feel bad.

    Arthur greeted the man with the list by the name of Basil

"Does Arthur just know everybody?" Remus asked, only half intelligible since he was still laughing. "I've yet to see him meet anyone he doesn't know the name of."

"I consider this a good thing," James shrugged back.

while picking up their portkey and handing it over. It was tossed into a bin full of other seeming junk, such as a punctured football.

Basil greeted Arthur back, noting that he wasn't on duty, and how lucky he was. The two of them had been at this post all night, then he ushered that they should move along, they had a huge party coming in next. He consulted his list, found the Weasley name, and told them to go seek out Mr. Robert's for their campsite.

Harry strangely felt a wash of sympathy at the mention of that name, which was puzzling since he had no real feelings towards the actual man. Still put off by the last time he'd dug into a name, he didn't press at it.

The Diggory's were sent in a separate direction, so Harry's group wandered off, coming across a Muggle stationed at the crest of a hill.

Harry's feeling of concern only increased, but it only managed to confuse him all the more. Why would he be worried for a Muggle? Why would he be getting worried at all?

"Oh, I guess he owns the campsite then," Sirius said in surprise.

"That poor thing," Lily sighed.

"Why?" James asked at once, feeling that was a bit harsh, wizards weren't that bad around Muggles.

"I can only imagine how confused he must be, wizards aren't very subtle at hiding themselves," she smirked at her husband, who clearly wanted to argue back, but at a loss as to how, he was aware he was pretty bad and he knew plenty of people, like his wife, who tried to correct him on it all the time.

They greeted each other politely enough, and Arthur told his name and that he'd booked two tents here a few days ago. Mr. Robert's agreed, then asked if they'd be paying for it now? Mr. Weasley agreed, then pulled Harry aside to help him with the Muggle money he'd brought along for this. He correctly identified a ten pound note, then glanced at the next one, saying this was a five? Harry corrected it was a twenty.

"Where did he get a five from?" Remus asked. "There's a twenty on the note, and he got the ten right."

"I guess the pound symbol looks like a five to him," Lily offered with a shrug, not really sure how he could make the mistake herself, as she found Muggle money far easier to understand then the wizard money that had taken her quite some time to work out.*

They returned to Mr. Roberts watching them wearily, asking if they were foreign?

"I'm not surprised that's his first guess," Lily nodded.

Mr. Weasley was confused by the question, so Mr. Roberts elaborated that he wasn't the first person to be confused by the currency, two others had tried to pay him in giant gold coins.

James couldn't help a little smile though, at least he wasn't the only one who'd try to do that first in hopes it would work.

Mr. Robert's continued on in a vague tone now about how strange it was of people pre-booking to come, most just showed up.

"Yes, well, there's a very big event going on this weekend," Sirius said with a completely straight face.

"That's cause for a little oddity." James agreed.

He kept going on about how weird some of these people were, running around in kilt's and ponchos.

Lily, Remus, and Harry began snickering all over again, but this time James just ignored them.

Arthur was getting anxious now as he tried to get his change and leave, but Mr. Robert was still prattling on about how all of these odd people seemed to know each other, like they were all here for some party. Then another wizard in plus-fours apparated right in front of them.

Remus sighed in pity, thinking it was an accidental apparition, and one more thing poor Mr. Robert's would try to analyze. The man's brain would turn to mush by the day's end if this kept up.

He quickly shot the spell Obliviate at Mr. Roberts.

"Or he could do that," Lily yelped in mild surprise.

"He was pretty fast on the draw," Sirius nodded in agreement.

Mr. Robert's face instantly glazed over, an unconcerned smile now floating onto his face, and Harry recognized all of the symptoms of someone who'd recently had their memory modified.

Which gave them all a bit of a dark laugh, for the first time wondering if Lockhart had ever recovered from that mishap, but none of them able to care too much.

Mr. Robert's finally handed over Mr. Weasley's change, along with a map of the camp, and bid them good day. The wizard in plus-fours accompanied them out of earshot, muttering about how that was the tenth time he'd had to do that today.

"Oh dear," Lily squeaked in real fear this time. "That cannot be good for him."

"You'd really think they'd have someone with some muggle knowledge at least around where Mr. Robert's is working, try to keep these people under control at least in front of him so that wouldn't be necessary," Remus agreed with a pitiful frown.

"Would that give him, like permanent brain damage or something?" Harry frowned in sympathy for the poor muggle, deciding those memory charms on him was probably where his memory gap on this man stemmed from.

"I don't think so..." Sirius' tone showed he really didn't even mean that, "But I can't say it's a tested theory either."

"I'm sure he's fine," James couldn't stop a little frown of his own, but he tried to keep up the confidence. "They won't do anything permanent to him." No one could think of anything else to say though, so he decided to keep going and hope this man explaining things would say just that.

Ludo Bagman wasn't helping anyone,

"Ludo Bagman's running around there!" Sirius practically screamed, leaning over like he wanted to snatch the book away from James, who held it tightly to his chest now and glared at his hand like he'd bite if he came closer.

Sirius turned his attention on Harry instead, begging, "Please tell me you meet him! I'll take even a passing glance!"

Harry's shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter, but what flowed out of his mouth was a pure gut reaction he didn't have to much problems deciphering, "I've got a good feeling at least, yes."

Sirius looked likely to faint from happiness his little pup was meeting a Quidditch star, so Harry neglected telling him another sinking feeling he was getting about Bagman. He decided he didn't really like the man, something about him bothered Harry, but as always he had no clear idea what.

running around screaming about Bludgers and Quaffles, not even bothering with the anti-Muggle security. The man still talking couldn't wait for this whole mess to be over, then he bid good day to Arthur and disapparated.

"I feel so bad for the people who have to work during this," Remus sighed.

"You're right," James nodded along. "This should be a national holiday!"

Lily and Remus snorted at how much he clearly meant that, while James gave an agreeable smirk at Sirius when he agreed before he kept going.

Ginny turned to her dad in surprise, asking since Bagman was head of a department, shouldn't he know better then to be doing that? Arthur defended him by saying that he'd always been a lax man, but you couldn't ask for a more enthusiastic Head. He'd played Quidditch for England and was the best Beater for the Wimbourne Wasps yet.

"I wonder what year he retired," Sirius couldn't seem to stop himself from blurting out, though James in no way looked upset as he grinned at Sirius getting wound up about this. "What do you think his stats were like by then, better and he ended on a high, or slowly going down so he retired early? Who do you-"

"Sirius," Lily cut in, knowing he could go on like this for hours. "Please, you lot can talk about this over dinner and I won't say a word, but let him get through this first."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and crossed his arms in a pouting gesture, but bit his tongue as James kept going.

They made their way into the campsite, finding most normal looking tents, but a few standouts, such as one that housed a chimney, or one done up in pure silk with peacocks out front.

'Wonder if the Malfoy's showed up' Remus thought in surprise, knowing that was their preferred animal, and they'd do nothing less than the best even in tent form. He really hoped Harry didn't run across them though, really hoping for just a nice calm Quidditch filled weekend.

One even had three tents stacked on top of each other, complete with a sundial in front.

Lily had been giggling almost none stop for all of those descriptions, remembering her plans of taking the family camping, and just imagining James and Sirius trying to set all of that up as well, oh they were going to have so much fun.

Arthur was smiling as he passed all of this by, saying that it was common when Wizards got together they'd always try to show off.

"That's always true of communities," Sirius muttered, thinking it wasn't always a good thing either.

Then he spotted their place, right on the edge of the woods, with a small picket marking their spots, with the name Weasley misspelled as Weezly.

James couldn't help a little snort of surprise, then spelled out how Weasley had been misspelled, causing the others the same reaction. "How did they screw that up?" Harry demanded with an eye roll. "Mr. Weasley would have given them his name to mark the spot."

"Maybe he has bad handwriting," Sirius shrugged.

"Or it was someone's idea of a joke," Remus offered, thinking of the time he'd convinced most of Gryffindor house to call Sirius and James Brown and Pottam for the day.

Mr. Weasley couldn't be more excited, saying they'd gotten the best spot as the trail leading to the stadium started right next to them. Then he set himself of setting up the tent, with no magic allowed.

"Oh this should be fun," Lily smirked, already thinking of poor Arthur trying to work all of this out, though at least he'd probably get a kick out of it.

Harry had never been camping before, but he and Hermione worked out how the poles and pegs were to be set up. Mr. Weasley was more of a hindrance than a help, but not from lack of trying. He just tended to get overly excited when the time came to use the mallet.

"At least he's enjoying himself," Remus agreed with Lily, thinking of an over enthusiastic James and Sirius acting much the same way.

They finally managed to erect a pair of shabby two-man tents.

"He only brought two?" Harry asked in surprise, thinking that would hardly be enough space after doing a headcount.

James just gave him a knowing smile though, he had a very good idea that Arthur wasn't doing this all Muggle, but kept going to see if he was right.

Arthur ducked into one and called back they'd be a bit cramped, but they'd make it work. Harry exchanged a puzzled look with Hermione before they ducked in and their jaws dropped.

Something Harry did again now as he visibly remembered what he'd walked into, causing the four of them to give affectionate laughs, knowing they'd never get tired of watching him react to magic.

It was a miniature version of an apartment, complete with beds and a stove. Harry found it strangely reminded him of Mrs. Figg's place,

"That's probably just coincidence," Remus shrugged. "The Engorgement Charm placed on them would have reacted to the person who'd placed it. Though it might adapt to the person setting it up," he added on thoughtfully, never having considered the idea, but magic was known to change form.

"I think it's the second," Lily nodded in agreement. "It wouldn't be the first time I've heard magic acting like that."

as it smelled strongly of cats. Mr. Weasley explained he'd borrowed this from Perkins,

"Wasn't that the guy Mr. Weasley works with in his office?" Sirius puzzled. "Guess that means he's not coming to the game."

who used to go camping a lot until his lumbago got to him. Then he spotted an empty kettle, and said they'd need to find a place to collect water. Ron had ducked in behind them, saying he'd seen a spot for that on the map. He showed no reaction whatsoever at the interior being larger inside than out.

"Well of course he isn't," Harry sighed, now feeling slightly foolish for his surprise, of course Mr. Weasley would think ahead like that, though since Hermione had been thinking the same thing at the time at least he wasn't the only one.

Arthur asked Ron and his two friends to go fetch it while they stayed back and cooked up a fire.

"Even more fun," Sirius perked up, "I hope you get to roast some marshmallows!"

Ron asked why they'd need to do that as they had a stove, and Arthur said that they were supposed to be doing things as Muggles, and they cooked over fires at these campsites. The three departed, wandering through the endless sea of tents, and Harry was looking around with interest as it only just began occurring to him how many wizards there were in other countries.

Harry nodded to himself as these thoughts trickled back to him, wondering why he had a feeling his knowledge of the world of magic was fixing to expand quite a lot this year...something about Hogwarts, or maybe it was another wizarding school, did those even exist? Of course they did, he corrected himself, Hogwart's couldn't be the only one.

The camps with small children were already beginning to arouse, toddles seen crawling out of tents. They passed one of about two, who held a wand in his hand and was poking a slug, with each prod it grew larger until it was nearly the size of a loaf of bread.

Sirius gave the baby in his lap an affectionate little cuddle while Lily and James exchanged indulgent smiles, treasuring every moment they had with their toddler, and already trying to picture him when he got to that age.

As they drew level with him, his mother came hurrying out of the tent, telling off the infant, Kevin, for touching daddy's wand, and ending with a squeal of disgust.

"Tell daddy to stop leaving it around," Lily smirked, already picturing herself instead of that mother, Harry instead of little Kevin, James being thoroughly confused, then abundantly pleased, when he found out his son was engorging slugs with his wand.

She'd stepped on the slug, causing it to burst. The sound of her scolding her child faded as they walked past, along with the little boy's delight that his mommy had squashed his slug.

Causing all five of them to laugh merrily, that was a picture perfect moment.

Not too much farther away were two little girls gliding along on miniature brooms that barely rose a foot off the ground.

Sirius' eyes sparked with interest, he had already pre-ordered one of those for Harry for his first birthday, and couldn't wait to see his little pup gliding around this living room carpet on it.

A Ministry official had spotted them and came hurrying past the trio, muttering about how the parents were letting them do that where anyone could see, probably sleeping in.

"They are on vacation," James shrugged. "And I don't see why Mr. Robert's would come wandering into the campsite, give them a bit of a break."

Some adults were starting to come out as well, taking a quick look around, and then shooting a spell to create a fire before anyone could notice. Others were clearly tempted to do this soon, looking at a box of matches as if sure this couldn't be useful.

"Then I hope they all get a real surprise," Remus laughed.

Three African wizards sat in serious conversation,

"Wow, they're even talking about me in Africa," Sirius smirked, happy he was on the opposite side of Harry so none of his friends could take a swing at him.

all of them wearing long white robes and roasting what looked like a rabbit on a bright purple fire,

Harry blinked in surprise at the color, the question bursting out of him before he even had time to process, "Do other countries have to say the same spells in the same language as Hogwarts? Is that why the fire's a different color, because they translate them, or are they universal?"

Lily's eyes brightened as they always did whenever she had the opportunity to look into new things, starting out by voicing, "Well I know for a fact that saying the spell is just a way to channel magic, but the incantations themselves aren't set in stone. After all, accidental magic doesn't require a command word, it's simply your mind using your magic in an uncontrolled way. The wand and spells are designed to help you direct your powers, which makes your magic more focused and powerful." She only paused for a moment, thinking through her answer to make sure of it, before concluding, "So I would have to say no, other countries most likely do have a different system for their spell casting. Most of ours are in Latin, with some exceptions, but I presume these African folk for example have a different spell to create fire then our Incendio, creating the different color through their own phrasing of it."

Harry was watching her with wide eyed fascination, even James and Sirius looked pretty intrigued as they'd never thought too deeply about this, but when Remus made to jump in, that old light in his eyes saying he may even be creating a debate's worth of commentary on the subject, James quickly jumped in saying, "Alright, more fun things to discuss later. Sirius and I can go crazy badgering Harry about Quidditch stats he will hopefully remember, and you two can have a gay old time discussing that." This time Remus stuck his tongue out at his two friends, but didn't protest.

while a group of middle-aged American witches sat gossiping happily beneath a spangled banner stretched between their tents that read: THE SALEM WITCHES' INSTITUTE.

"What's that?" Harry asked quickly, for the first time trying to get information about other wizard schools other than his own, "The American Hogwarts? Salem is in the United States, yes?" He vaguely recalled, either from his History of Magic or perhaps his primary school, he'd never payed attention to either honestly, some terrible movement against witches involving a place called Salem.

"Yes there's a Salem in the United States, but no, there school is called Ilvermorny,"** Remus shrugged. "I think this is some kind of women's organization."

The longer they walked, the more conversations they heard from all languages, but they all held the same tone. Excitement. Then Ron suddenly pointed out that everything had gone green. The trio had wandered into a patch of tents, every inch of which were covered in shamrocks.

Sirius began laughing anew, having known a few Irish supporters in his time at Hogwarts, and they were well known for going all out like this.

As they were walking through, they heard their names shouted from behind, and turned to see a fellow Gryffindor in their year named Seamus Finnigan, his mother, and his best friend Dean Thomas, also of their year and house. Seamus greeted them by asking if they liked the decorations?

"Yes, yes I do," James nodded happily, knowing he wouldn't be much better if his preferred team had made the Cup.

Adding on that the Ministry wasn't happy about it,

"I just can not imagine why," Lily rolled her eyes indulgently.

but Mrs. Finnigan happily said she didn't care, they were proud to show their colors! She also added on it was still better than what the Bulgarians had done, then quickly asked them if they were Ireland supporters?

"Here's hoping Harry has more sense than those two," Remus muttered quietly to Lily, who nodded while she watched James and Sirius smirk. They knew full well they'd love to start a Quidditch fight by supporting the opposite team in the middle of that field, possibly start a riot, it would be plenty of fun.

They all quickly said of course they were, while walking away, Ron adding once they were out of sight that they could hardly say anything else.

"Such a missed opportunity," Sirius sighed, shaking his head tragically, still unable to keep that smile off his face.

Hermione asked what the Bulgarians had done.

"With any luck, Vultures will be circling everywhere," James snickered.

Harry said they could go check, as he spotted their flag waving nearby. When they got there, they found every available tent surface covered in the face of the scowling Seeker, Viktor Krum.

"Ooh, new blood," Remus nodded.

"He must be good, to be the star player on everyone's tent," Lily shrugged.

"Wasn't Charlie talking about him earlier," Sirius mused. "Hadn't he said he was such an excellent Seeker, it would be a tough game just between him and the whole other team?"

"This match is going to be wicked," James looked like that smile was going to be frozen in place very soon, hoping it would come up anytime now!

Hermione's first comment was that he looked grumpy.

Harry gave a funny laugh, though he wasn't sure why. Something about Hermione and Krum though, why would he have a feeling about that?

Ron was flabbergasted that's what she noticed. He was the best Seeker in the world, and so young, only eighteen!

"Wow, and their star player," James was practically bouncing in his seat by this point. "He's got a nice long career ahead of him."

"Or early retirement, assuming a Bludger doesn't knock him stupid," Lily muttered.

They finally reached the water pickup, to find a line had already formed. They got a few paces behind a man in a flowery nightgown,

Lily, Harry, and Remus cracked all over again, even James and Sirius joined in this time as they were certain that even in the muggle world, blokes weren't exactly supposed to be wearing gowns.

arguing with a Ministry wizard holding a pair of pants, and nearly crying from exasperation as he tried to explain to the dressed man named Archie that Muggle men don't wear those. Archie argued back he'd bought what he was wearing in a Muggle shop.

"Well, he's not wrong," Lily managed to get out breathily.

Muggle women, the Ministry wizard corrected, trying to get Archie to take the pants, but the elder man wouldn't hear it, saying he liked what he was wearing, it created a nice healthy breeze around his parts.

Causing the boys to continue melting into the cushions with laughter, tears nearly coming to their own eyes they'd been laughing so much lately. Why couldn't they have just started with this book, it was certainly the most enjoyable yet. Waving aside that pesky first chapter which they had all adamantly put behind them, they were all finally starting to hope this good feeling would last a whole year.

Hermione couldn't stop giggling through the whole exchange, which lasted until it was Archie's turn to collect his water, which he did with dignity, his dress swaying in the breeze as he left. Having to walk more slowly now weighted down with the water, they reversed course and this time through the maze of tents found a few more fellow Hogwarts students, including Oliver Wood, Harry's old Quidditch Captain.

"Ooh, there's going to be a new Quidditch Captain this year," James yelped in remembered excitement, now realizing that Harry wasn't it, and wishing he'd gotten more of an insight into the rest of his team to see who it was. He was upset for his son it wasn't him, but he supposed as a fourth year it would be too soon for him anyways. Surely someone else would graduate and his son would get the chance before he left school though.

He dragged Harry over to his parents while informing him that he'd been assigned on the reserve team of Puddlemere United.

"Congratulations to him," Sirius nodded, really meaning it. They'd all had some irksome moments when it came to Wood's captaining, but the boy was a good player and he did deserve that at least. Hopefully working with professionals would help him with his, ah, team problems.

Then they ran into Ernie Macmillan, a Hufflepuff in their year. Then Cho Chang, a very pretty girl who was a year above them and Seeker for Ravenclaw, gave Harry a wave as he passed.

Both James and Sirius gave Harry not so subtle little nudges, which he still dutifully ignored despite the blush trying to prove otherwise. For some reason whenever he thought of Cho, he didn't get a real feeling for her. Sure she was still pretty even in his memory, and while he was certain he may have liked her at the time, she held no interest to him for any length of time.

Harry sloshed most of the water he was carrying down his front as he waved back.

Causing all of them to smile at him now, and Harry to burrow even deeper into his seat, trying his best to avoid all eyes and brush his bangs onto his forehead with nerves. The exact opposite reaction of what James would have done giving Sirius and Remus an extra shot of delight.

In hopes to change the subject, the next time they passed a group of kids their age but he in no way recognized, Harry asked what school they went to, certainly not Hogwarts. Ron just shrugged and said it was probably some foreign school. His older brother Bill had pen palled with one from Brazil for a while, but when they'd tried to set up an exchange and Bill couldn't afford it, his pen pal had got all offended and sent Bill a cursed hat, which shriveled up his ears.

"Wasn't that one called Castelobruxo?" Sirius asked, finally stopping his smirking at Harry.

"Sounds right," James shrugged, wincing in sympathy for Bill.

Harry was shocked to hear there were more wizarding schools besides his own, but in retrospect he felt stupid as it made sense that there were several nationalities here, and not all of them could be attendance at just one place.

"Not stupid," Lily corrected at once. "It only just now occurred to you of the wider world, all kids come to that moment at some point."

Harry gave her a bright smile back, never growing tired of anyone in the room trying to correct his negative side, always feeling a happy bubble the more he realized he'd never had the experience before, though it only increased the craving every time that he had grown up not knowing all of them.

He gave a quick look at Hermione who was unphased by the news. Surely she'd come across this fact in one of her books.

"Would not surprise me," Remus agreed.

When they got back to their campsite, George complained at them they'd taken forever.

"Well you were taking your time," Sirius chuckled.

Ron just shrugged that they'd met some people along the way, then asked why the fire wasn't going yet? They looked around and saw Arthur was trying with enthusiasm, striking the matches against the box as he should, but several littered attempts around him proved what they saw next, he lit the end then dropped it in surprise.

Giving Lily and Remus another friendly giggle, picturing that all too easily.

Hermione kindly went over to him and helped to show him how to do it without killing it, then they had to wait some time for the fire to get warm enough to cook anything. While they waited, Mr. Weasley kept up a running commentary of everybody who ran by, mostly for Harry and Hermione's benefit as his own kids knew most of this already.

"Well I'm glad for it," Lily's eyes continued to brighten with interest, knowing she'd much rather enjoy the thoroughfare of the Ministry rather than Quidditch.

One man named Gilbert Wimple was hurrying past, he was on the Committee on Experimental Charms, and happened to have some horns sprouting, though according to Arthur they'd been there awhile.

"There's a point of conversation," Sirius smirked.

Then two men passed named Bode and Croaker, who were Unspeakables. Harry asked what that was, and Mr. Weasley explained they worked for the Department of Mysteries, and no one outside that field knew what they got up to.

Harry felt a terrible tightening in his gut at the mention of that place, unconsciously moving closer to Sirius, causing his Godfather to give him a look of surprise, though neither of them said anything, knowing if they did Harry would be the one to pay for it. Still, the motion bothered Sirius, and he was finally distracted from the upcoming game to let his mind wander back and wonder what he was up to, had he gotten Harry's letter yet, and why would that place have any connection to him?

Just as they were setting the kettle on, the rest of the Weasley's appeared, Percy greeting them by saying they'd just got done Apparating.

"Thank you, captain obvious," James snorted. "Here I thought you'd frog marched."

"How did they know where we were?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Remember that little post from where your portkey landed," Remus reminded him. "They would have gotten the same instructions as you from there."

The next person to arrive, Mr. Weasley greeted very warmly, calling him the man of the hour as he greeted Ludo.

Which gave Sirius an instant distraction, Harry's odd moment completely lost in his mind. The Ludo Bagman! "So you do meet him!" he practically screeched in Harry's ear, causing him to quickly reverse course and edge away from him, rubbing at his ear but grinning all the same.

"Guess I was right that time," he agreed easily, though still unable to shake that feeling that he didn't enjoy the man's company long.

Bagman certainly stuck out, even more than Archie in his dress.

"Now that's saying something," Lily smirked.

He was wearing his old Quidditch robes, slightly too tight around his girth, which had thick yellow and black stripes all down it, with a wasp pressed into the chest.

"Thinking someone's being a wee bit nostalgic," Remus snickered.

He had a round, childishly happy face, with large blue eyes, and a squashed nose, which could easily have come from one to many bludgers crushing it.

Sirius was practically quivering with excitement, wondering when that had come up, had it cost them the game, had he persevered through it and Bludgeoned someone off in retaliation!?

He practically bounced to their side, giving them a warm greeting, and walking as if he had springs in his heels.

"As he should be," James nodded along, his tone conveying the exact same feelings.

He greeted Arthur, then began at once talking of the coming match, speaking of the perfect weather and how all the arrangements had turned out perfectly, there was hardly anything Ludo could find to do! Behind him, Harry spotted two Ministry officials gesturing to a large purple plume of smoke that was rising.

"Timing," Remus exclaimed, not even bothering to fight down his laughter much anymore.

"Guess those African's got out of hand," Lily chuckled.

Percy jumped forward at once. Clearly whatever he disliked about the way Bagman ran his department, he still wanted to show a good front.

"Let's see him say that to his face," Sirius sniffed, never liking two faced people.

Arthur introduced first Percy, then Fred, quickly correcting that one was George, and that one was Fred-

"Even the parent's get them backwards," James smirked, still nursing and quite liking the idea if he could somehow have twins in his future.

before continuing along the lot, ending with Harry. Bagman's eyes at once flashed to the scar on Harry's forehead, but then he easily met Harry's eyes and gave him a smile.

"Least he was subtle about it," Lily sniffed, still sore as the rest of them from Mr. Diggory's presence.

"He's an international Quidditch player," Sirius offered. "I'm guessing he's used to fame, and he's being polite enough not to shove on Harry about it."

Then Arthur introduced Ludo Bagman as the one who'd gotten them their tickets! Bagman waved him off, saying it was no big deal, then asked if they'd like to put anything on the match? He gave a bag hanging from his belt a suggestive clinking noise.

Harry's instincts rose even more, his eyes narrowing as he was now sure this had something to do with his own disapproval of Bagman, something about him...and maybe Ron? It was definitely one of the Weasley's...at least he thought so...

He mentioned a few other people who'd already placed money down, and Mr. Weasley agreed he'd give a Galleon for Ireland to win. Bagman was clearly disappointed at those low stakes, but wrote him a slip for it anyways. Then Bagman offered if any of his kids wanted in, and Arthur tried to say they were too young, Molly wouldn't approve-

"Molly's not there," James scoffed. "It's their money, let them be."

Lily narrowed her eyes at her husband, she didn't much approve of gambling and quite agreed with Arthur, and most likely with Molly, that those kids shouldn't be until they were at least of age, but didn't pick an argument for it now.

the twins completely ignored him and offered up a huge sum of money,

Harry's gut went haywire, there it was, it was the twins and Bagman that made him feel so uneasy, but then Remus gave a breathy whistle as he said, "Well they're certainly playing to win," and the feeling was gone at once, to be replaced by a sharp pain for his trying to understand the connection. He just crossed his arms in disappointment and agreed aloud that he hoped it payed off.

that Ireland would win, but Krum got the Snitch.

At once, Harry again felt a pull, something in him saying that he should have a memory about this bet, but considering he'd just dealt with a mental backlash he wasn't going to push it.

Then they threw in one of their fake wands. Percy tried to tell them off for that, saying Bagman wouldn't want to see such rubbish, but Bagman turned out to be delighted when it turned into a rubber chicken, causing him to laugh loudly.

"I'm loving him more and more," Sirius cheered, his own eyes shining with childlike glee. "Any man who can laugh at that has a great sense of humor, oh I really hope those twins win now! Can you imagine them getting in good terms with Bagman! They might even get a sponsorship and-"

"Breathe Sirius," Remus said peaceably, at least trying to reign his friend in. "Let's see if they win the match first." Though privately he was thinking it could work out the way Sirius was picturing even if they didn't win their bet, if Bagman did like their ideas enough there was some great potential room in there.

Bagman happily agreed to the terms. Percy's face looked like he'd been smacked he was so disapproving.

"I still don't care," James happily chirped, like his friends all too pleased at where that could head.

Arthur tried one more time, saying that was their life savings,

"Bagman really should consider that their father is telling them no," Lily sighed, "And back him up. It's rude otherwise."

"They're, what, about a year from turning seventeen?" Sirius shot back. "When's their birthday Harry?" He directed, looking to make his point.

"April first," Harry shrugged.

The boys blinked in surprise, before all four of them cracked up laughing at how perfect these twins had been born on April Fool's day. Sirius quickly collected himself though, continuing like Harry had just made his point for him, "Less than a year then, their father really shouldn't get too much of a say what they do with their money."

Lily sighed, still in disagreement that Bagman wasn't showing proper manners, but before she could say anything else, Harry asked, "You guys got any predictions for the game?"

"Sadly not," James pouted, "as we don't know their stats or anything, otherwise I would put some money down."

but Bagman laughed Arthur off, saying they knew what they were doing. He wrote down their bet and a slip for them, adding on five Galleons to the boy's deed for the fake wand.

"Oh I definitely want to meet this guy in person," James wriggled around in pleasure, more than pleased to meet someone who was giving such vivid support to the twins.

Arthur stopped arguing the point as the twins handed over their money and tucked their slip safely away. Bagman turned back to Mr. Weasley cheerfully and asked if he'd seen Crouch around? He'd just had a run in with the Bulgarian minister, and he needed a translator, and as Crouch spoke over fifty languages he'd be a help.

Harry blinked in surprise, trying to process how you could cram so many languages into your head, but looking around he saw this wasn't new information to the others, which meant Crouch must have made this public knowledge often. He'd probably been at it for years then.

Percy happily jumped back in now, saying his boss knew over two hundred! Beginning to list some, such as Mermish, Troll- but Fred cut him off by pointing out anyone could speak troll, you just point and grunt.

Giving the boys yet another happy round of chuckling, fully agreeing with Fred on that point.

Percy gave his brother a fire shot look.

"Was he really expecting them to be impressed or something?" Lily snorted. "I'm positive Percy's mentioned this a dozen times to them, does he keep expecting a different response?"

"He's fighting a losing battle if so," James agreed.

Arthur then asked of Bagman if there'd been any news of Bertha Jorkins?

Then James gave a deep sigh, wondering why he couldn't go one chapter without that being brought up of late. He just wanted to enjoy the Cup, not keep thinking of that poor dead girl and the return of Voldemort, was that too much to ask for?!

Bagman didn't seem concerned as he brushed that off, saying this wasn't the first time she'd gotten herself lost. She'd probably show up in October still thinking it was July.

Making all five of them wince in sympathy, sadly knowing that not to be true.

Arthur tried to say it was time someone went looking, but Bagman just laughed and said Barty kept saying the same thing, but it really was pointless. As if their talking had summoned him, a new wizard appeared on their sight, making a stark contrast to Bagman. He held himself impeccably, wearing a fine suite and proper tie.

"I can already see why Percy's in love with him," Sirius snorted.

His hair and beard were perfectly groomed, and it was easy to see why Percy thought so much of him. His every demeanor showed he was a rule follower, he'd accorded himself so well to the Muggle clothes he looked like a broker.

"I at least give the others credit for trying," Lily gave yet another smirk as she flashed back to all of those flashy outfits she'd heard about. "Not all the wizards have the means to look into that kind of thing before hand, I'm sure he probably had someone lay the outfit out for him and probably didn't even look into it himself."

Harry doubted even Vernon would have spotted him for what he really was.

"You are not encouraging him to us," Remus sniffed in disdain.

Bagman happily offered him to take a seat with them, but Crouch said he hadn't the time, he'd been looking all over for him. The Bulgarian minister had found him, and was insisting they needed twelve more sets up in the Top Box. Bagman was surprised that's what was going on, he'd thought the chap had been asking for some tweezers.

All of them couldn't help another snort of amusement, picturing that conversation taking place a nice laugh.

Percy reacted at once to Crouch's arrival, giving him a bow then asking if he'd like some tea? Crouch only gave him a half glance, saying that would be nice, then referring to him as Weatherby.

"Ouch," Lily winced in sympathy while the boy's only laughed harder. She felt bad for him, clearly all of his hard work at the office wasn't paying him too much good yet if Crouch didn't even know Percy's name yet.

His siblings choked into their drinks while Percy turned pink and went to work.

"He's not going to correct him?" James asked in surprise.

"I'm sure Crouch could call him Grindelwald and Percy wouldn't correct him," Sirius snorted, not really noticing Harry give an odd start at the name.

Crouch then turned to Arthur, saying he'd needed to speak with him as well.

"That almost feels like a slap in the face to Percy," Remus still had a bemused smile in place even if he was starting to feel a little bad for it. "He's literally talking to Percy's dad, and didn't acknowledge the name mess-up."

"I've got a feeling Crouch would sooner eat his highly polished shoe then correct himself," Lily huffed.

A man named Bashir was demanding that flying carpets be let into the country, and Arthur gave a heavy sigh as he said he'd had this conversation before. Those were classified under Muggle Artifacts by the Registry of Proscribed Charmable Objects! Crouch agreed as much, saying that Bashir was still looking to export here in Britain. Bagman jumped in saying they'd never replace the broom, but Crouch countered that Bashir had the idea they'd become a family mode of transport.

"Well he's got a point there," Lily nodded, her mind spinning curiously. "I suppose if they were charmed to simply look like a cloud or something, Muggle's wouldn't even pay too much attention to them. I really can see how they could work."

"I still don't see those replacing brooms," James shrugged, "plus, it's the same problems with the flying car. You can enchant it all day, but the charms will wear off, and eventually some Muggle will notice. It'll cause more harm than good I'm sure."

A spark of interest was still there in Lily's eyes, she looked fully prepared to actually start a debate with her husband about it, but Sirius groaned and pleaded, "can we do this later, I want to hear about the Cup, and this book's been dragging on it long enough already."

Lily huffed as she muttered "you never let me have any fun," but didn't argue as James happily kept going.

Crouch agreed his grandfather had owned one that could seat a dozen, before they were outlawed of course. His tone making it perfectly clear even his ancestors had abided by every law.

Harry felt a funny feeling about that, like he should laugh at Crouch and something to do with a law? Does he do something illegal? Harry couldn't process it very well, he was too busy watching Sirius pantomiming like he was trying to remove a stick from his arse.

Bagman changed the subject then, asking if he was very busy? Crouch agreed he was, it wasn't easy getting five continents organized. Mr. Weasley asked if they'd both be glad when this was all done, and Bagman was shocked, saying he was enjoying himself! Then again, there was something else to look forward to organizing, giving Crouch a conspiratorial wink.

"Now what's this?" Remus asked in surprise. "Something else that the Head of Sports is also involved in?"

"Clearly not just some dull meeting then," James nodded in curious agreement.

Crouch gave Bagman a stern look which he ignored, as he went on to say that everyone had signed, these kids would want to know! It was happening at Hogwarts-

"What?" All five of them yelped in surprise this time.

"Now what on earth-" Lily began faintly, shooting furtive looks at Harry, a sad but familiar feeling of fear starting to creep into her already. She was being paranoid of course, just because something was going down at the school this year didn't automatically place her son in danger, but she really couldn't beat the feeling away anymore, it had too much practice settling a coldness in her chest.

Harry was blinking spastically, just knowing something was there, this was a part of the echoing feeling he'd held when this was mentioned earlier, but it wasn't complete yet. Nor was it boding well that his first instinct was to not be pleased about it.

Still, none of them had a clue what this could be, so James kept going for now in hopes Bagman would say more.

Crouch cut back in with force this time, saying they needed to see to the Bulgarian's. Just as Percy was done with his tea, he handed it back and thanked him, again calling him Weatherby.

That wasn't as distracting and funny the second time, only Sirius managing a faint laugh at Percy's expense while the others were still wrapped up in curiosity.

Bagman happily agreed they could get going, then promised to see the rest of them tonight. He was commentating up in the Top Box with them.

James actually almost passed out, that distracted him! "Y-you-you're in the t-top-" he was clearly unable of stuttering that out, his eyes likely to fall onto his glasses any second they were getting so wide with excitement.

"You've literally got the best seat in the house," Sirius half screeched, "and they were just given to you! I'd pay my weight in gold for that kind of seat!"

Harry had a wide smile indeed on his face, childishly pleased at the experience he was fixing to get. The only thing that would make it better was having the four of them hear about it with him, so that he could picture all the more easily what it would have been like had they really been up there with him.

James was left a gasping mess before he slapped his brain back into action, already half yelling his excitement as he continued.

Bagman gave one last cheerful wave before they both Disapparated, and Fred at once pounced on his father, demanding to know what was going on at Hogwarts? He just gave a small smile as he said they'd see.

"Now that's just cruel," Lily sighed, though clearly none of the boy's noticed. She seemed the only one left to ponder on the Hogwarts part, the males were all jittering in place for the match to come.

Percy agreed that was classified, Bagman had been foolhardy even mentioning that much. Fred snapped at him to shut up, now referring to him as Weatherby as well.

"That jokes not going away anytime soon," Remus muttered to himself, more excited then he would care to admit to listen to this coming game.

As dusk began to settle, the Ministry gave up. More and more wizards were releasing their pent up excitement, so much so that it was no longer possible to contain.

Lily sighed, already rubbing at her ear in discontent, but still unable to tell off James for being so blatantly excited for what he was reading. He needed this release, Peter's betrayal would most likely return eventually and continue to eat away at him, so she knew she'd let him carry on like this as long as he could.

Salesmen were starting to appear, carts full of memorabilia for both teams, including Bulgarian scarves that roared like lions.

"I'd buy one of those just so I could take it back to Hogwarts," Sirius smirked, "it's a two for deal."

Ron happily told his friends he'd been saving up his pocket money for ages for this, buying a shamrock hat, and a miniature figure of Krum.

"Good to see Ron supporting his team," Remus snickered, now more unclear than ever which side he was rooting for.

Harry spotted something else and darted off to look at brass binoculars, which were covered in knobs and dials.

"Ooh, another good buy," James all but squeed. "Can be more than useful outside of just watching Quidditch games at Hogwarts too. We used them all the time to spy on the other houses, and the teachers, and-"

"Okay," Lily did cut in this time, "I sleep better having less knowledge of what you lot did in your free time in and outside of that castle."

"You know you love our stories," Sirius shot back at once, and his smirk only grew when Lily didn't deny it. Still, James was too pent up for the Cup to let them keep at it.

The sales wizard happily told them they were omnioculars, could be used to show play by plays of the game, reverse footage so you could replay, and only ten Galleons. Ron pouted that he wished he hadn't gotten his hat now, but then Harry bought three pairs for them. Ron tried to protest, always having been embarrassed his family sported so little money.

"Ah they get over it," James said from experience, watching Remus pretend to ignore his friends eyeing him. "You just got to keep at it and wave away the thanks, they repay you back in other ways."

Harry laughed it off, saying he wasn't going to give Ron anything for Christmas for ten years instead.

Causing Sirius to release a bark like laughter as he joked, "that's all you spend on his presents, a galleon? For shame Harry, I think you actually owe him a few more now."

Harry pretended to look offended for a few moments, but he couldn't hold the expression long as he started laughing.

Ron happily agreed now, and Hermione showed back up, thanked Harry and said that she'd gotten them programs.

"Oh yes, I'm so sure that was on their to do list," Remus nodded, feigning a straight face.

"She really saved them some gold by taking that task on," James agreed with a solemn nod, before the chuckling continued.

Their money bags considerably lighter,

"Worth it," Harry smirked.

they went back to find the others also bedecked with souvenirs, except the twins.

"I'm sure they won't regret that if it pays off," Sirius snickered.

Mr. Weasley was just saying how it would happen any minute now, when a gong went off, and lights began coming to life in the forest, glowing red and green lanterns marking a path. Arthur's excitement was as visible as anyone as he told them it was time to go.

James mouth sagged in shock when he realized that his chapter was over, then he turned the wide set eyes to Sirius, before his face turned just as quickly away and he handed over the book.

HPHPHPHP

A lot of this chapter turned out to be Remus and Lily ganging up on James and Sirius, and I'm not sorry for that. It was pretty fun, and the reason I sat those two beside each other.

*I googled what British money looks like, sorry my American is showing, and from what I could tell British have the numbers on their money as well, so that was my best guess at Arthur's confusion. If I'm wrong and there's something else going on, please correct me.

**Childishly happy shout out to the American and all other wizarding schools being revealed after all these years. I got sorted into Horned Serpent, let me know yours.

[january3693]

Someone We Used to Know - Part 43

(This is a Marauders Era AU about what might have changed if Sirius was expelled after the Prank. Here’s the Master List if you’d like to start from the beginning or find a specific part)

His contact is late.

Sirius tries not to assume the worst. That he’s been betrayed, either by Laverna, who set this meeting up, or by the fence she sent him to see.

He’s already on edge though, so it’s hard not to jump at every strange sound and every shadowy figure who crosses his path.

This is Knockturn Alley, after all. Strange sounds and shadowy figures abound here. Hell, wrapped tightly in a hooded cloak and lurking in the mouth of a narrow side street, Sirius is one of those shadowy figures.

He doesn’t like any of this. He never wanted to wander this far back into Wizarding Britain. He needs Polyjuice though, and this is the only way he’s going to get it.

Swearing under his breath, Sirius gives into the adrenaline rushing through his veins and lets himself pace. Just a few steps, up and back.

Something moves. Sirius sees it in the corner of his eye. He whirls, hand outstretched, a spell on his tongue.

The stunning spell he casts hits the cloaked man in the chest, splintering him into pieces.

That’s when Sirius realizes he’s just attacked a broken mirror poking out of an overstuffed rubbish bin.

While he may be out of Polyjuice potion, Sirius hadn’t left the hotel without taking a few other precautions. A swallow of aging potion with dinner has added twenty years to his face.

An anxious, hysterical laugh slips past Sirius’s lips as he stares at his fractured reflection. It’s like looking into his future.

He can’t imagine it. He can’t imagine looking like this every day, wrinkles at the edges of his eyes, grey hair at his temples.

What will his life be like when he’s forty-one going on forty-two?

Sirius can’t see himself still doing this. No one’s luck lasts forever, not even his. If he keeps breaking the law, someone will eventually catch on and come after him.

The plan, according to Laverna, is to make enough to set them both up for life. Sirius already has a house in Marseille, and there’s about a million pounds scattered across his various bank accounts.

When will it be enough to stop?

And what will he do when it’s over?

Sirius isn’t the sort to retire on a beach and drink himself to death on daiquiris. He doesn’t enjoy stillness, and he doesn’t relax well.

Perhaps he’ll return to traveling, to magical research. He enjoyed that. He enjoyed learning and experimenting. He only ever started stealing to support himself while studying.

That doesn’t feel like enough though.

Sirius can’t see himself traveling the world, not alone.

Can he see himself here though? Settled in one place, living a normal life surrounded by his old friends?

Maybe, maybe not.

It’s all…complicated.

Too complicated to dwell on right now.

“Monsieur Moreau?” A voice asks, stumbling over the French pronunciation.

Sirius whirls about again. This time the man standing before him is flesh and blood rather than a reflection.

He’s short with a potbelly and straggly ginger hair and stinks of stale tobacco and cheap gin—matching the description Laverna gave Sirius to a T.

He stares at the hand Sirius has extended toward him. It doesn’t register as a threat like it would if Sirius had a wand, so it just confuses the man.

Sucking in a breath, Sirius collects himself. He drops his hand, squares his shoulders, and nods. “Oui,” he says, just to reinforce the French name and backstory Laverna fed her contact.

The ginger fence grins, revealing tobacco-stained teeth. This time he holds out a hand toward Sirius. “Always pleased to meet a friend of an old friend. I’m Mundungus Fletcher.”

*

Despite Sirius’s concerns, the meeting goes surprisingly well.

Fletcher doesn’t have the potion on him. He needs a week to get it. It’s not ideal, but Sirius can work with that. There’s a part of him that’s even secretly glad. It means he has a week where he has no obligations beyond trying to spend as much time as possible with Remus.

He’s satisfied enough to give Fletcher the thirty percent of the (massively inflated) price that he asks for. Fletcher has a sensible fear of Laverna that Sirius believes will ensure the man doesn’t just take the money and run.

When everything is settled for now, they go their separate ways. Sirius is eager to get out of Knockturn Alley and back to the relative safety of Muggle London.

He makes it all the way back to the wall separating Diagon Alley from the Leaky Cauldron and is just reaching out to tap the bricks when the entryway begins to open from the other side. Sirius hastily steps back, making sure the hood of his cloak is pulled down low over his face.

A man staggers through the archway reeking of drink almost as strongly as Fletcher. Sirius pays him no mind until the man stumbles and staggers right in front of him. Though he stops quickly enough to avoid a collision, it brings them face to face.

It brings Sirius face to face with his brother.

Regulus is drunk, but not entirely insensible. Maybe being drunk even helps him make the ridiculous connection, because he blinks, frowns, and slurs “Sirius?” before slumping forward straight into his long-lost brother’s arms.

(Part 44)

[tisfan]

Name of Piece: Like My Kinda Danger Square Filled: Y3 - Asking for Trouble Rating Explicit Warnings: semi-public sex, anal sex, hot and horny Summary: Being an Avenger -- even a retired one -- is hard on Tony and Bucky’s love life Created for @buckybarnesbingo For @beir @dreamcatchersdaughter & @wecollectnightmares who all requested WinterIron and HUNGRY FUCKING WOLF

                                       ~*~*~*~*~ 

Tony’s phone beeped and he glanced at it. Parker was still talking to the booth’s visitors, and really, he was doing a brilliant job. He wasn’t quite as polished as Tony was, but that’s why they were doing the internship.

New Text from Snowflake: Hows it going?

Tony took a photo of Parker, with all his youthful enthusiasm, explaining the latest piece of Stark tech, and shot it to Bucky. Bucky -- or, more exactly, the Winter Soldier -- had been on assignment in Eastern Europe, trying to track down a rogue group of Hydra infiltrators. Flashing the Winter Soldier around always seemed to get some dillweed who assumed that because he knew the old pass phrases (“Do you know how many assholes have hissed Sputnik at me over the last four years? Too fucking many.”) that he could start New Hydra up, building it on the Winter Soldier’s shoulders.

You’d think they’d learn, but no…

The kid’s doing great. The competition is more cutthroat here than where you are, I bet. Had Hammer time, earlier.

New Text from Snowflake: I could hit him, if you wanted.

If you’re gonna fuck something up, I’d rather it was me.

Their schedules had not been lining up recently at all; various not-quite-OG-Avenger level events were scattered all over the globe; everything from rogue wizards to holes in reality to events of unknown and unspeakable power, to a goddamn crashed alien ship. Nothing ever seemed to need the full Avenger turn out, and Tony had to keep Stark Industries running, because someone had to pay the goddamn bills, but it meant he hadn’t seen his boyfriend in, oh…. About six weeks, Tony thought.

Skype and a few sessions of mutual masturbation over the phone were not cutting it.

Tony was horny as hell and feeling kinda grumpy about it.

New Text from Snowflake: Oh, well, in that case...

What the hell did that mean?

What?

A few minutes later, Tony’s phone buzzed again. New Text from Snowflake. Tell Parker you’re going to go get a coffee. Walk out of the showroom and turn left. Go to the end of the hall. Await further instructions.

That’s very cloak and daggery of you. Asking for trouble, are we?

(smuts below cuts)

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time he and Bucky had played games like that; usually involving one or the other of them going to somewhere private to jerk off and photographing the results. What could you do, when you were busy saving the world… usually from the other side of it.

“Gonna go grab coffee,” Tony told Parker, completely ignoring the extra large venti latte panini or whatever it was that someone had brought him earlier.

“Mr. Stark, I--”

“You got this, kid, you’re doing great, really. I’m very impressed, and so are they, you don’t need me cramping your style.”

“Mr. Stark, I have exactly zero style.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s refreshing,” Tony said. “Keep doing it.”

Parker was probably going to keep objecting for as long as possible; despite hating it when Tony treated him like a kid (he was a kid! Jesus, anyone under twenty five was practically an infant!) he also didn’t like being left out there on his own. Tony ignored him.

He got to the end of the hall. Waiting on you now.

New Text from Snowflake: Set of stairs on your right, go down two flights.

Did you hack the building’s floor plans?

New Text from Snowflake: No one says hack anymore.

That’s a yes.

New Text from Snowflake: It’s not a yes.

Security cams, you’re in the security cam system, you know what Hill said--

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Tony, you take all the fun out of everything,” Bucky said.

And he said it, he was… right there.

“Oh my god!”

It was probably a good thing that Tony was dating a supersoldier, because Tony practically leaped into Bucky’s arms, thighs going around Bucky’s waist, and really, any other normal person would have fallen down (at best) or gone over the side of the stairs (much worse.)

As it was, Bucky slammed Tony against the wall, kissing him fiercely, devouring him. Practically inhaling each other, they kissed frantically on the steps, the rail digging into Tony’s back and he didn’t care, he didn’t care at all. “Oh, you’re here, you’re here,” Tony said, when he pulled his mouth free of Bucky’s, and then Bucky was kissing him again, hot and wet and filthy.

“Missed you, babydoll,” Bucky said, and then he was licking Tony’s throat, nipping behind his ear, breathing along the shell. “So much.”

“Where even are we?”

“Laundry floor,” Bucky said.

“So, like, no one will be down here, and we’re right next to all the clean towels and sheets?”

“You got it.”

“Sounds like you’re the one who’s gonna get it,” Tony joked.

“Uh-huh,” Bucky said, and he waved a keycard at the door, which spilled them into the laundry room, a huge industrial area, concrete floors and metal tables, and about thirty full sized washers. There were guest clothes put in neat little bags and bins -- part of the service -- and cloth carts full of sheets and towels. “I got all the trouble I can handle, right here.”

Tony found himself picked up and put on one of the folding tables, Bucky rutting up between his spread thighs.

“I have--” Tony managed to say between kisses, but without any particular urgency “--a perfectly functional bed upstairs.”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky agreed, and ran one hand down Tony’s chest, and then over the front of his slacks. Tony groaned and pushed himself up into that wicked touch. “Want me to stop?”

“Not really, no,” Tony said.

Bucky grinned as if he’d expected that answer, practically tore open Tony’s pants. “Good.”

Tony barely had time to breathe before Bucky’s mouth came down on his again, before Bucky’s hand was inside Tony’s drawers, fingers urgent, but gentle, pulling him out. Bucky’s palm brushed over his dick. “Oh, god.”

Tony’s hands went into Bucky’s hair, pulling him closer. Bucky’s hand was on him, Bucky’s hard length was a heavy weight against Tony’s thigh.

Hot and urgent and Tony had to struggle to get Bucky’s pants undone as well, as much as they were squirming against each other.

“I want to be inside you,” Bucky said, and Tony was glad he was sitting because his legs would totally have gone out at that.

Tony wanted everything and all of it, and--”Did you plan that far ahead,” Tony said, “or are you expecting me to have lube packets in my pocket?”

Bucky didn’t answer that, just nudged Tony’s pants down until they were hanging off one ankle. The metal folding table was cold for all of six seconds before Bucky grabbed a handful of folded hotel towels and spread them out for Tony to lay on. “If I have some--”

“If you have lube, then hurry up,” Tony said. “Need you, need you now.” He would have said anything, everything, just for Bucky to not stop, to keep doing what he was doing. Tony was on fire, burning for Bucky, needing him so bad. A crinkle of plastic, and there were wet fingers circling his hole, opening him up. Rough and quick and delicious.

Bucky was touching him, intimate and deep and he never stopped those crazy, slick kisses, practically eating Tony’s lip.

It didn’t take long before Bucky slipped a condom on, the head of his cock nudging urgently at the opening to Tony’s body, and Tony pushed himself down, impaling himself on it. There was a burn and stretch, and it was the best pain for just an instant before his body relaxed and let him take Bucky in to the hilt.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Bucky murmured.

“I know what you’re doing to me,” Tony told him, and he put both hands on the table, pushed himself up, rode Bucky’s dick as well as he could, his own bobbing between them.

Pressure built in his spine, in his belly, behind his eyeballs. Everything ratcheted up to eleven. He could hear the way Bucky was breathing, the liquid sound of Bucky’s cock, sliding inside Tony’s depths. The way they moved together, the way the metal table was scraping lightly on the floor.

Everything.

Tony couldn’t speak, he could barely breathe, and everything…

“Oh, god,” he managed, and then he was coming, a surge of release so overwhelming that he thought he might weep from it. Bucky growled once, his hands clamping down on Tony’s thighs and pushed into him, over and over, riding him through the waves of his climax.

Finally, Bucky groaned, his mouth hanging open, eyes shut tight, and his face was so beautiful, perfect and sublime, and he lost himself.

Tony lay back on the metal table and wondered if he’d ever be able to move again.

Some long moments later, Bucky pulled out, wiped Tony’s thighs and belly gently with a washcloth, a tender, intimate sort of gesture, and one that Tony always loved him for.

“I love you,” Bucky told him, kissed both of Tony’s thighs lightly, and then helped him get his pants back on again. A few more swipes of the washcloth and Bucky bundled the whole mess up and dumped it into one of the bins full of dirty sheets and towels, burying them down a layer. Convenient. No one would ever notice.

Probably.

“You… are trouble,” Tony said. “And you totally have sex hair.”

“I’m your trouble,” Bucky told him, pulling him in for another kiss, this one more tender and sweet than hot.

“Yes, yes you are,” Tony said.

“And you are my mess.”

“Oh, yeah.” 

[superluckylq-blog]

If there was any element of surprise at all

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[insuffercble]

If JKR wanted to have Hermione to reach the highest post possible in her career - why couldn’t have made her a professor and eventual headmistress??

Hermione has ALWAYS tried to learn as much as she could about the Wizarding world, and she has always tried to help others learn. She would help Neville with potions, look over/mark Harry & Ron's homework AND then explain the answers. It was she who came up with the idea for the DA and pointed out that Harry should be the one to teach them (here is where I plug that Harry would be an amazing professor).

Yes, Hermione is argumentative, pushy, and dedicated to advancing the rights of magical minorities, but she never cared for the ministry. Hermione grew from someone deeply insecure with blind faith in authority figures to a woman that knows her ability and potential, that thinks things through and to look at things from more than one angle.

I think that she would strive to make change in the place where she spent her formative years - where she learned what it meant to be a witch. She would want to influence change with the minds of the generation to come, and that doesn’t mean she would ever stop fighting for changes in Wizarding law. 

She would spend many years as a professor and a researcher, loving to teach and striving to make her classes interesting and welcome to all students.

As Headmistress, Hermione would try to be a more present fixture in the school and available to students. She would chose professors that were not only qualified, but genuinely enjoyed teaching.

Some of her decisions as Headmistress would be highly controversial, such as;

The retirement of Professor Bins 

A delay in sorting until students 3rd or 4th year. 

This change would be done to emphasize their collective state as students of Hogwarts first, their allegiance to their House second. Hermione, as Headmistress, would serve as the head of the unsorted students herself.

This would also cause changes in the point system and Quidditch. Which I have not thought about yet.

Additionally, Hermione would allow students that had unsupportive homes or extenuating circumstances to stay at Hogwarts over the summer holidays. 

A rotating schedule of which professors would (in intervals of 2 weeks) stay in the castle over each of the holiday breaks would be admitted as part of the staff contract.

Honestly, I've got a ton of ideas about Headmistress Granger, but I'll just leave this here.

[offthe-deepend]

*fucking fires the eggs like a machine gun out of my mouth at bin*

[He gave a noise like a strangled animal at that.]

[hazyheel]

AEW Double Or Nothing 2019 Review

We started with the Casino battle Royal, with five guys in the ring. We had Sunny Daze, Michael Nakazawa, Brandon Cutler, MJF and Dustin Thomas. MJF had mega heat by attacking Thomas and calling him lieutenant dan, and then saying that Cutler was a favor to the young bucks. Nakazawa was oiling himself up like crazy, which was super weird to see because I do not know him. Next in was Brian Pillman Junior, Jimmy Havoc, Joey Janela, Shawn Spears and one more guy. Spears immediately went for MJF, and they beat each other up. Next in was Jungle Boy, Glacier, Billy Gunn, Mark Quinn and Ace Romero. MJF got a bunch of heat for eliminating Glacier, after Glacier frozen misted Sunny Daze. Adam Page was the final entrant in the match, and had a warpath. Stunt took a rough pump to be eliminated, as Romero shoved him out through the air and to the floor. Jungle Boy then eliminated Romero, Spears and Thomas had a bit of an alliance, until Thomas pulled him out over the top for the elimination. MJF eliminated crowd favorites Thomas and Cutler. Janela had a disgusting bump through a table on the outside from Luchasaurus, which was very terribble looking. Orange Cassidy showed up for no reason, doing his little kick spots to dreamer before being eliminated in a match that he wasn’t even in. Fun guy though. The final three were Luchasaurus, Adam Page and MJF. MJF hid on the outside, and Page eliminated Luchasaurus. He celebrated winning, but MJF ran in to try to throw him out. Page was okay, and hit the buckshot lariat, and threw him out to win.

Grade: C. This had a lot of fun spots, but there was very little connecting the action. I liked having Page get the win after his match with Pac was cancelled. I think there were a lot of terrifying things happening here, especially that table bump. Janela may be dead, but probably not. I liked the winner and there were some interesting things happening. A fine battle royal, but nothing specacular.

Then we had Kip Sabian vs. Sammy Guevara. This was a fun little cruiserweight match. There was a lot of misdirection based offense, like when Sabian faked a suicide dive only to hit a spring board somersault senton. Sabian locked in a cool looking submission at one point, Guevara went for a moonsault, landed on his feet forth another, only to land on his feet again and hit a standing shooting star for a near fall. At another, Guevara hit a 450 to Sabian while he was on the barricade. In the finish, Guevara went for the 630 senton, only for Sabian to get his knees up and hit deathly hallows for the win.

Grade: B. Fun little spotfest. I think both of these guys are super good, and they can put on some great matches in the future. I’m surprised that Guevara lost given how much emphasis he has had on BTE lately, but that is fine. Both of them are really good, and I’m sure that they will be big talents in the future. 

We opened up with SoCal Uncensored vs. StrongHearts. Of course, SCU cut a promo shitting on the town and the LA crowd love it. Both teams were working together really well, with SCU isolating El Lindamen. The match quickly became a cluster of bodies, with each team desperately trying to support any person that they have in the ring. The match felt a lot like the multi-man matches in New Japan, with the partners covering the ring while people are being pinned. The Stronghearts hit an awesome combination of a pop up knee from T-Hawk, followed by an ensiguri from CIMA, a slam from T-Hawk and a german suplex from Lindaman. Everyone started really flying around with dropkicks, suicide dives and cutters. Daniels hit the angels wings for a near fall, followed by a splas hfrom CIMA for a near fall. In the final stretch, Daniels hit the best moonsault ever into the piledriver (called the best meltzer driver ever) for the win. 

Grade: A-. Holy crap was this good. So fast paced, lots of action and people flying all over the place. This was a really great match, and if they continue to have tag matches like this one, I will definitely enjoy the tag division in this company. Awesome stuff.

Into the triple threat match, we had Kylie Rae vs. Nyla Rose vs. Britt Baker. However, as match began. Brandi Rhodes came out with her ring gear. She said that she didn’t want a great match, she wanted an awesome one. Awesome Kong then came out, and made it a four way. Kong and Rose immediately squared up and fought a bit. Kong was beating down everyone in the match, but left some room for Rae and Baker to fight. There was a cool spot where Kong caught Baker out of a splash, only for Rae to hit a suicide dive to take them both down. Kong had a huge tower of doom spot, and nearly powerbombed Baker off the apron in another spot, for Baker to fight out, Rae to hit a superkick, and then Rose to hit a spear into the steps. Baker was finally able to get the win with a superkick and the brainbuster on the knee. 

Grade: B-. Another car crash of a match. Kong, Baker and Rae all really impressed me. Rose didn’t really impress me, but there were a lot of really nice spots here. I want to see a match between Baker and Rae one on one, that could really be awesome. Can’t wait for the AEW women’s Championship.

Next up was a tag match, Best Friends Chuck Taylor and Trent vs. Angelico and Jack Evans. Best friends went for a hug early on, but their opponents stopped that. Evans and Angelico worked on Trent’s legs, and really showed off their Lucha style of wrestling. Best friends hit a lot of awesome offense, such as a tornado DDT into a double foot stomp to the face. They then also hit a crucifix bomb into the cutter for a near fall. For another near fall, Angelico hit a cruicifix bomb into the corner, followed by a 630 senton, but Taylor broke it up. Taylor took out Angelico with a tope con hilo, and they pinned Evans with a Storm Zero. 

After the match, The Best Friends asked for a hug. Angelico and Evans tried to do a handshake, but the Best Friends refused. They hugged, and then the lights went out. A new tag team had emerged after the match, but I didn’t know who they are. They went out again, and there were a bunch of minions that came out to assist. This new team beat down everyone. Evans was hit with a ripcord flatliner, and Trent was hit with a reverse electric chair facebuster.

Grade: A-. I loved this. It was another sprint of a match with a bunch of awesome spots, and some really good tag wrestling.  I always had a soft spot for tag wrestling, and they did a great job here. I liked the attack afterwards, but I don’t know who they were. This tag division looks really great, and I cannot wait to see it start up in full. I felt like Best Friends made sense as the winners, although I predicted otherwise. They will be a united front for a while before picking up the storyline later. 

Into the 6-woman Tag, we had Aja Kong, Emi Sakura, Yuka Sakazaki vs. Hikaru Shida, Riho and Ryo Mizunami. Ryo and Aja kong had a little strength vs. strength match, but Ryo really didn’t stand a chance against the legend of Aja. Riho and Emi had some good looking action, doing some technical wrestling before Riho hit an awesome armdrag. Kong drilled Riho with a awesome looking piledriver, but her team broke it up. Ryo drilled Yuka with a great looking deadlift suplex for a near fall. At one point, the ref was distracted, Shida and Kong dueled with a trash bin and a kendo stick. Somehow the kendo stick won. In the finishing stretch, Sakazaki took out Shida and Ryo with a plancha. Kong then accidentlly hit Sakura with a back fist, and then Riho destroyed her with a crossbody. Shida then ran into the ring to pin Sakura with a shining wizard.

Grade: B+. I didn’t know any of these people before the match, and I came out of it as a fan of every single one of them. Their characters are interesting, and I apologize if the review wasn’t great. I was trying to keep track of too many people and learn too many names. But it was awesome, and I hope that they end up joining the AEW women’s division.

Next up was Cody vs. Dustin Rhodes. Before the match, Brandi grabbed a sledgehammer for Cody. Cody then used it to destroy a throne on the stage, officially declaring war on the WWE (it was all a symbol for Triple H). Dustin came out with half face paint. The two circled each other for a while, and the crowd was chanting that it was awesome. Dustin absolutely laid into Cody with some crazy shots, and Cody almost walked away, but managed to get back in the ring. At one point, Cody distracted the ref a bit, which allowed Brandi to hit him in the head with a water bottle. The crowd was so loud for this match. At one point, Cody was set up for the kick to the balls that he used to do, and Cody removed the turnbuckle. Dustin saw, threw the turnbuckle in the crowd, but was then sent face first into it. This “busted him open,” so he bladed. Brandi then speared Dustin, and was thrown out, with DDP carrying her away. Dustin was absolutley gushing blood, and Cody nailed him with a curb stomp for a near fall. Cody nearly whipped Dustin with the belt, but threw it away, only for Dustin to grab it and whip his bare ass with it. Dustin was able to hit a superplex, followed by the final cut, but just for two. Cody then fought back and hit a cross rhodes only for two. Dustin then hit cross rhodes for another near fall. Cody was able to hit his back sliding piledriver, and followed it up with a Cross Rhodes to finish it.

After the match, Cody got on the mic and said that Dustin didn’t get to retire here. The crowd was chanting thank you, but Cody said that he couldn’t retire. He needed a partner for a match against the Young Bucks next month. He said that he didn’t need a partner, he needed a brother. The two started crying, and then embraced. They left the ring together.

Grade: A. This was much much better than I thought it would be. The crowd made the match a hell of a lot better. They were super hot, and it made the emotion and drama increase exponentially. They beat each other down, and the story accompanying it made the match that much better. This was awesome, and I hope we see more matches like this from Cody in the future. This was great, and I hope that it is evident of the type of story telling that will be around in this company. 

Then we had the belt presentation, and Bret fucking Hart came out. I marked out like crazy. Hart cut a promo, basically just putting AEW over. He then called out Adam Page, who is one of the #1 contenders for the belt in a few months. MJF then came out, to an asshole chant. He said that they bought a ticket to see him, so they should shut up. He is a phenomenal heel. He called Page a horse, and said that when a horse had a bad leg, you shoot it. Then he said that Page should give up his title shot, and shit on Hart for having a bad catchphrase. Jungle boy then came out, to confront him. MJF called him a prepubescent teenager, and walked past him. Jimmy Havoc then came out, and he was stuck between all three guys. They kicked his ass, through the crowd, as Hart showed the belt for the first time. 

Grade: A-. Jesus MJF can talk.  He carried this segment, along with the awesome Bret Hart appearance. This was super good, and I hope that he becomes a big part of the product, because he is phenomenal. I love him. Bret Hart was a shocking appearance, and it was super cool to see him. The belt looks beautiful as well. 

Then we had Young Bucks vs. The Lucha Bros for the AAA World Tag Team Championships. This was given a big fight feel. Young bucks weren’t completely on the same page, having some flubs together early on. Fenix and Nick seemed to be completely evenly matched. the Lucha Bros hit their signature offense early on. At one point, Fenix strung Nick up on the ropes, while using Matt to balance going up to the top rope. Fenix hit a superkick on the top rope, and then springboarded to hit Nick with the hurricanrana. Later on, Matt hit Fenix and Penta with several northern lights suplexes, and nearly locked in a sharpshooter but got shut down. The Bucks were able to lock in the sharpshooters at one point, and they barely got to the ropes. At one point, The Bucks hit a powerbomb and flipping over with a neckbreaker for a near fall.  They then hit a flurry of kicks and chops until everyone fell over. At another, Fenix ducked so that Penta could hit a destroyer on the apron to Matt, followed by a Destroyer to Nick in the ring. Another time had Penta holding Nick in the package piledriver position, with Matt in the gory special, and dropped them down. Fenix followed up with a swanton to Nick for an incredible near fall. Matt then drilled Fenix with a brainbuster on the top rope, and gave Penta more bang for your buck for a near fall again. The Bucks then hit Penta with fear factor, and Nick ran to hit a plancha to Fenix, but still only a near fall. Penta then drilled Matt with the armbreaker and the pentagon driver for a near fall. Fenix started to work the arm, superkicking it, but got caught trying to continue. Matt pulled him up for a Meltzer Driver. Nick then superkicked Penta on the outside, and got up for the Meltzer Driver, and got the win. 

Grade: A. This was a phenomenal match. The Young Bucks became a coherent team again, and went through hell to do it. I think that the kickouts at the end were a little much, I like a bit more buildup in my near falls like that, but it was still incredibly exciting. They flew around like crazy, and beat the crap out of each other. It looks like the tag team division in AEW will be awesome. 

And finally, the main event. Chris Jericho vs. Kenny Omega. Winner faces Adam Page for the AEW World Championship. Jericho went through a bunch of his his gimmicks before actually making his entrance. Omega had some new music. They had a cracker barrel in the ring, probably a sponsor. They had trouble getting it out of the ring, so Jericho picked it up and shoved it through the second rope, and then yelled at the ref. The two started out with a slugfest, beating each other down. Early on, Omega tried to do a move off of the barricade, but Jericho pushed Omega into the crowd. Omega was busted open early on, bleeding from the nose. Jericho tried to introduce a table into the match, but Omega dropkicked it, and then a tope con hilo to both. Then he did a springboard double stomp to the table. That was when Omega started up the v triggers, destroying Jericho’s head from the back. At another point, Jericho started to fight back, and dumped Omega out of the ring and through a table. Omega went for a frog splash at one point, but Jericho countered with a codebreaker, but he waited too long for the cover and only got a near fall. Jericho nearly locked in a lion tamer, but Omega countered it and was able to hit a powerbomb for a near fall. Jericho was able to get the walls in, eventually transitioning into a lion tamer, but Omega fought out and nailed a v trigger. Jericho was able to hit yet another codebreaker, but did not go for the pin. Instead, he waited for him to get up, and hit a spinning back elbow called the judas effect for the win.

After the match, Jericho got on the mic. He yelled at them for booing him, and he said that he was the best guy in AEW, he owns the company. He is the biggest star through and through. He claimed that every success the company had was because of him. He demanded that the fans thanked him, and then, mutherfucking Jon Moxley showed up. He killed Jericho with dirty deeds, and then did it to the ref. He tried to hit Omega with hit, but Omega was able to tackle him out of the ring, and they brawled into the crowd. He eventually was able to climb on top of the giant poker chips, and he gave Omega a dirty deeds on the stack, and then slammed him off of it, onto a box that broke. 

Grade: A. I bumped that up a grade after the post match angle. This was a great match, although not the best on the card, but that mammoth debut was awesome. In the match itself, it didn’t quite have the same feel as their first match, but they tore the house down nontheless. They were really really good, and I am really unsure of who will be winning the AEW World Championship when that time comes. 

Predictions: 5/9. Imma say that I got the battle royal right, cuz I said that Page would win whatever match he was in.

Overall Grade: A-. I’m bumping it up a bit because of the historic nature of the show, and how hot they were coming right out of the gate.

Pros: Guevara vs. Sabian; 6-man tag; best friends vs. angelico & evans; 6-woman tag; cody vs. dustin; belt presentation; AAA tag team championship; main event; moxley debut

Cons: battle royal

Just throwing this in at the end of the review. I normally hate writing the tags for these posts, but I am genuinely so excited to say that I am writing an AEW review right now. Just saying

[blackberrywidow]

Adventures in Babysitting II: Like Father, Like Son

Summary: Peter is called in to deal with an extremely delicate situation-- Tony has lost Morgan and needs his help to find her before Pepper gets home and kills him. Time is of the essence in the Stark household, and Peter just hopes he is up to the task.

Warnings: Pure fluff-- everyone is alive and happy and life is beautiful. You’re welcome.

Word Count: 3,460

A/N: Well, here’s part two! This takes place before part one, so this collection of short stories is definitely going to be a little out of order. But I think it will be more fun this way. Unfortunately, I have little to no experience with kids, so if you guys have any ideas or prompts for future chapters, PLEASE SEND THEM MY WAY. Seriously, I need your help. 

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Peter was trying very hard not to freak out. And he was doing okay, if he could say so himself.

When Happy had showed up at his apartment to say that Mr. Stark needed his help ASAP, he had easily agreed and ran to his room to get his suit before Aunt May noticed he was leaving. When Happy said that wouldn’t be necessary, he had hesitated, but still followed him down to the waiting car with little protest. On the ride over to the Stark residence, he had managed to annoy Happy enough to make him turn up the radio—no groaning about irritating kids or verbal request for him to stop talking, which was incredible progress.

Peter Parker was the epitome of chill right now. Whatever it was that Mr. Stark needed him for, he could handle it. He was super calm and super collected.

Except, he was totally freaking out. 

Like, seriously. Mr. Stark never asked for his help, so this must be big. And he would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous, but he was almost eighteen now. He was basically adult, and he would act like one. Mr. Stark would definitely be impressed by his ability to remain calm under pressure; or he would be, if Peter could manage to keep his panicking internalized.

Peter wasn’t surprised when Happy walked him to the door, but he was surprised when he started to leave as soon as Peter entered the spacious home of his mentor.

“Uh, Mr. Happy, uh sir—you’re not coming in too?”

Okay, so the talking thing wasn’t working so great right now, due to the aforementioned freaking out. But he had time to work on that before he found Mr. Stark. He just had to figure out what Happy was up to first.

Happy grinned at him, and if Peter wasn’t nervous before, he definitely was then.

“No way, kid. I’m gonna find somewhere else to be until the storm clears.”

“Storm?!” Peter’s voice raised an octave in his initial panic, but he cleared his throat and tried to lower it to a more natural tone of voice when he said, “I mean, what storm?”

Happy laughed. Actually laughed. And then he walked back to the car, got in, and drove away with no explanation.

Peter needed no further confirmation. He was so screwed.

The teenage superhero audibly gulped as he entered the mansion, closing the door softly behind him. He carefully took in his surroundings as he moved through the foyer into the living room. Everything seemed to be in order—the Stark home was immaculate as always. Lavish furniture surrounded by high tech appliances and expensive art, the only sign that the room was even lived in was the section in the corner dedicated to baby Morgan’s play pin and toys, though even all of her stuff was currently neatly put away in the color-coordinated bins.

More telling, though, was the fact that there was no sign of the Starks. The house was completely silent, as though it were holding its breath in anticipation of the supposed “storm.”

Okay, so Peter’s not-really-but-kind-of-a-little-freaking-out had upgraded to I’m-tottally-wigging-out-right-now. If he was imagining the house doing anything other than being a house, he was letting this not-yet-a-situation get to him too much.

 But he was Spider-man, and Spider-man wasn’t afraid of suspiciously quiet houses. So he was gonna play it cool.

“Mr. Stark?!” he called out, trying to keep his voice neutral. “Mr. Stark, are you home?”

“Peter!” The response was almost immediate, and Peter whipped his head around to find his fellow Avenger racing down the stairs in a bigger hurry than he had ever seen him.

“What’s going on? What’s happening?” Peter was trying very hard to hold onto what was left of his cool, but that was proving difficult when he saw his normally perfectly composed mentor in such a state of disarray—he was wearing a wrinkled cat t-shirt with various stains, many recent-looking, and one long tear on the right sleeve; his hair was messy and missing it’s normal gelled-look; he wasn’t wearing shoes and was missing one sock; and his eyes held the wild, manic look of a crazed man.

Something was clearly wrong, but what was it? Aliens? Wizards—but the bad kind, not the fun, necklace wearing kind? Was Loki in a particularly bad mood? Had a genetically-mutated lion escaped the zoo and found solace in Mr. Stark’s bed room? Was Mrs. Pepper mad at him?

A million different scenarios flashed through his hyperactive mind as he waited for Mr. Stark’s answer, but nothing could have prepared him for the truth.

“I lost her, Pete. I looked away for one second, and she was just gone.”

Mr. Stark was gripping his shoulders as though he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pull him in for a hug or shake answers he didn’t have out of him. Either way, Peter remained incredibly confused. “What? Who did you lose, sir?”

Tony’s grip on Peter’s shoulders tightened, and he was surprised to see real panic in his mentor’s eyes. That’s when it clicked, moments before Mr. Stark confirmed it. “Morgan. Pepper left me alone with her for the first time since she started crawling, and I’ve already lost her. It’s been two hours, Peter. Two hours.”

This was... definitely not the disaster scenario Peter had imagined when Happy brought him here. But that didn’t make it any less serious. His honorary baby sister was missing, and her father was currently freaking out even more than Peter was (something that he would remind himself to be proud of later), so that left Peter in charge of remaining calm and finding a solution—or rather, finding the rouge ten-month-old baby.

“She couldn’t have gotten far, sir. Everything will be fine. Pepper will never even know.” Peter tried to reassure his mentor, meeting his eyes solemnly so that he could see how serious he was.

“She always finds out, Peter. Always.” Mr. Stark said this was uncharacteristic grave certainty, but finally released his shoulders and stepped away from him, seeming to gather himself now that he had someone else to ground him.

Peter couldn’t deny that he was ecstatic that he was that person, but now was definitely not the time, so he straightened his shoulders and did what he did not do best—took charge of the situation. “Where did you see her last?”

It seemed like the obvious place to start, and Mr. Stark didn’t appear to disagree as he immediately led him to his lab in the basement of his mansion.

Peter looked around the workshop with increasing trepidation. The lab of a retired superhero was definitely not the safest place for a child—half-finished weapons upgrades, random bits of scrap metal and loose wires, what looked like a new spider suit, which was super cool and he really needed to go check it out—

Focus, Peter. There’s a baby on the loose.

With only a mild bit of difficulty, Peter forced himself to look away from the new spidey suit, taking in the rest of the lab for clues.

“Uh, Mr. Stark. I can’t help but notice that this may not be the, um… well, the best place for a kid to be.”

He turned to face Tony just in time to see him roll his eyes. “You gotta give me more credit than that, kid. She was in that play pin thing over there,” he pointed to an area I the corner of the lab that had was gated and had padded floors and toys strewn about it, “and I was there,” he now indicated the table directly across from the Morgan Cage, “working on an upgrade to Barnes’ arm. She was just playing, happy as can be, the entire time I kept an eye on her. But the second I turn away to grab a new part, she disappears. I can’t figure out how she did it or where she could have possibly gone. I’ve looked everywhere.”

Peter scratched his head, taking in the situation. “Doesn’t FRIDAY have footage that could help? I thought this whole lab was under surveillance.”

Tony crossed his arms and seemed to be visibly restraining himself from rolling his eyes again. “Of course she should, which is why I already checked. It was the first thing I did when I couldn’t find her on this level.”

“So… there was no footage?” Peter felt pretty stupid asking the question, but full understanding was kind of important give the situation. Luckily, Mr. Stark answered the question with only the slightest amount of sarcasm, which for him, was as good as a gentle explanation.

“No footage. She seems to be… going through some kind of glitch.”

Peter’s previous panic increased ten-fold as he asked, “FRIDAY can do that?”

Tony shrugged, though Peter knew him well enough to know that the tense set of his shoulders and the slight furrow of his brow along with the lack of a smirk indicated that he was unsettled by this as well. “Any tech can have glitches every now and then, but FRIDAY…”

“But FRIDAY shouldn’t,” Peter finished, trying to pull all of the pieces together as he analyzed the scene of the crime again. “Could the glitch be an indicator for some kind of security breach? I mean…” Peter hesitated, turning back to his mentor to take in his only mildly anxious expression before he asked, “You don’t think someone took her, do you?”

Mr. Stark immediately shook his head. “Not a chance. The only part of FRIDAY’s programming that has been affected is the security footage of the house. There have been no perimeter breaches and no attempts at hacking into the system. Besides, I was in the room and I was turned away from her for thirty seconds, tops. I would have seen someone if she had been taken.”

Peter nodded, visibly relaxing. Though he was still definitely confused. “Okay, so how did she get out of the pin?”

“No idea. The latch is kind of stupidly easy to lift, but Morgan’s definitely too small to reach the it. And she can crawl now, but I’m pretty sure she can’t climb this.” Tony walked towards the gated-area that had held his daughter only an hour ago to show Peter what he meant. The teen crime-fighter dutifully focused his heightened senses on every detail he could find, most of it inconsequential, except—

“Are those track marks?”

Tony snapped his head down to look where Peter was pointing to the marks on the padded floor, only to deflate instantly. “Yeah, those are just from RoRo.”

Peter furrowed his brow, “RoRo? You mean your Roomba?”

Tony nodded, “Yeah, that’s what Morgan calls it. She loves the damn thing—that’s why it was in there with her. She cried until I put it in with her, and I figured it could only help, considering the mess that kid leaves behind.”

“Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaimed, the first puzzle piece fitting together in his mind’s eye. “That’s how she got out.”

He watched as understanding dawned on Tony’s face with more pride than he cared to admit. “She crawled onto the Roomba, which made her tall enough to unlatch the gate.” Mr. Stark turned to him, smiling at him for the first time that day as some of his worry melted away. They at least knew how she got out, which was the first step to tracking her down. “Nice work kid. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that, but really. Good job.”

Peter tried to keep his grinning to a minimum as he said, “Thanks Mr. Stark. Now we just need to figure out where she went.”

Mr. Stark nodded, rubbing at his chin the way he usually did when he was working at a problem. “I think I know where to start.”

 “You were right to question FRIDAY’s glitch,” Mr. Stark told him as they entered the walled-off section of the lab that housed all of the security tech. The screens that usually played the real-time footage of the lab, Morgan’s room, and the exterior of the house—the only areas of the property under constant surveillance—were all currently black. Mr. Stark strode over to the keyboard situated in front of the largest screen in the room, which also happened to be the only one currently working. “I had given a little thought to it before, but was too focused on trying to find Morgan as fast as possible that I didn’t consider it enough. But it’s not so much a glitch as the security monitors have just been shut down—otherwise there would be other systems malfunctioning and FRIDAY would have immediately alerted me to the breach. Not to mention the incredibly convenient timing of it all.”

Peter nodded, though Tony couldn’t see him from where he stood behind his shoulder, watching him type at the keypad almost furiously. “So, you do think that someone has hacked into the FRIDAY?”

Tony scoffed, his mouth pulling up into a half-smirk as he said, “No. I think FRIDAY has shut down the monitors herself.”

“Why would she do that?” Peter asked, his brow furrowed in thought. The AI was extremely reliable. He couldn’t imagine her doing something like shutting down one something so important.

“FRIDAY is one of the most advanced AI in the world, Pete. Which has both its good and bad qualities,” he answered, still not looking away from the screen. “She’s formed quite an attachment to the kid, so she’s subjecting herself to the whims of an infant far more than she should be.”

“You… you mean FRIDAY helped Morgan get out of the pin and is now letting her cruise around the house undetected just because she thought that’s what Morgan wanted?” Peter felt crazier and crazier as his question fell from his mouth, but Mr. Stark was unfazed.

“Yup. But luckily, I’m still the boss. So all it takes is a little manual labor and TLC to get the monitors back up and widen the surveillance to the whole house and… bingo,” Mr. Stark finished typing with a flourish as the previously-blank screens came to life just in time to see Morgan roll past the camera that was recording the living room. “Yeah, FRIDAY is so getting an update after this.”

Mr. Stark jumped up from his chair to race back upstairs, Peter hot on his heels.

“How did she get up the stairs?” Peter asked incredulously as they climbed up said stairs, looking around in awe for some sign of Baby Stark’s great escape.

“Ramps,” Tony answered, wrenching the door to the ground floor open. “They pop out of the wall. For the Roomba my daughter is currently joyriding on.”

Said daughter was blessedly still doing doughnuts in the living room when they got there, and she screeched in joy when she saw them. “Dada!” she cried, banging her fists on the Roomba the way she did whenever she got excited.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief before swooping down to pick up his daughter. “Morgan? What did you think you were doing?” he demanded, holding her up in front of his face to do a full health evaluation.

Peter couldn’t resist laughing out loud when the ten-month-old, who was still far too young to understand most of the English language or read the tone of a room, giggled and smoosed her stressed-out father’s face between her tiny hands.

His outburst drew said-infants attention, and she grinned at him, flashing the few teeth she had. “Petta! Petta!” she yelled, his name coming out garbled and unclear, but he easily recognized it by now. He walked over to her and she stretched out her little arms for him to pick her up, which he did after Tony nodded at him in permission.

“Heeeeeey, Iron Baby,” he cooed at her. “You gave us quite the scare, you know.”

“She did?”

Peter and Tony both whirled around in shock, having been too preoccupied with making sure Morgan was okay to notice that the front door had opened and Pepper had returned from Stark Industries. She was now watching them from the hallway between the living room and foyer, her expression expectant as she took in her little family.

Peter carefully kept his mouth shut and looked back down at Morgan, pretending to be too engrossed with her to answer.

“She was just crawling a little too close to the kitchen, but we have everything under control. Obviously,” Mr. Stark said, walking over to his wife and enveloping her in a hug. “How are things going at the office?”

“Mmmhmm,” Pepper hummed, unconvinced but deciding to let it go. For now. “Everything was running fine, so it was just a quick check. Peter,” she said, moving her attention to the suddenly tense teen, “I didn’t know you would be stopping by today.”

He carefully avoided looking at Mr. Stark as he answered, “Oh, uh, yeah. I stopped by to ask Mr. Stark a few questions about my physics homework.”

Pepper seemed to buy it, if her easy smile was anything to go by, and she approached where he was currently bouncing Morgan on his hip. “Were you a good girl while Mommy was gone?” she cooed at her daughter, gently extricating her from Peter’s hands to hug her to her chest.

Morgan giggled, looking up at her mother in joy as she answered, “No!”

Peter couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing, Mr. Stark quickly joining him as they doubled over with laughter.

Pepper, however, was concerned. “No?” she questioned, her brow furrowed as she looked down at her happily-gurgling child.

“Kids,” Tony said, still chuckling under his breath as he slung one arm around his wife and winked at Peter. “They say the darndest things.”

“She was great, Mrs. Stark,” Peter assured, saying it easily and with little guilt. It was true, after all. Though Morgan had nearly given both her dad and honorary big brother a heart attack with her daring escape from baby jail, she was always great. She was definitely the coolest baby Peter knew, anyway.

Of course, she was the only baby Peter knew. But still.

Pepper eyed them both cautiously, but soon relaxed. She had long ago learned that questioning everything that Tony (and especially Tony and Peter) did was not worth the effort. Nothing was on fire and her daughter was happy and safe, so she would let them off the hook. “Are you staying for dinner, Peter? I can make you favorite. Homemade pizza, right?”

“Oh, yeah, that’d be great! Just let me check with Aunt May real quick,” Peter said, hopping up from where he was leaning against the couch to get his phone out and call his Aunt.

“Go ahead and invite her too, Pete,” Mr. Stark said, moving to take his daughter back from Pepper so she could take her shoes off and put her bag down before moving to the kitchen, presumably to start cooking. “I’ve been meaning to talk to both of you about where you want to go to college anyway.”

Peter beamed at his mentor, “Sounds great, sir.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you a million times, kid. Just call me Tony.”

Pepper popped her head back into the living room just long enough to yell, “I think ‘Dad’ would be an acceptable substitution as well at this point.”

Tony scoffed indignantly, but offered no verbal rebuttal.

Peter dutifully ignored both of them, though he felt his cheeks tinge pink as he dialed Aunt May’s number.

He continued to make funny faces at Morgan throughout the short call, causing her to giggle uncontrollably all the while. After the call had ended and May had agreed to head to the Stark house for their family dinner, Peter moved to the kitchen to help Pepper cook while Tony kept Morgan occupied in the living room.

Pepper smiled at him, and happily accepted his help, blessedly not bringing up the whole “dad” thing again. He couldn’t deny that Tony was the closest thing Peter had ever had to a father figure, excluding his Uncle Ben, but he wasn’t just going to start calling him that, even if it did carry some appeal. At least not yet.

For now, he was happy with this still relatively new family dynamic, especially with the addition of Morgan. He had never thought that he would have the opportunity to actually be a brother, given the circumstances that life had thrown at him; but time had a funny way of changing things, and this was one such example that Peter couldn’t be happier about.

Part Three

[avishabilis]

The Walls of Air, by Barbara Hambly. As usual with fundraiser book bins I come in at the Empire Strikes Back stage of the series. Ah well. Following the sudden brutally violent rising of Elemental Evil from out of the bowels of the earth, the survivors flee to a weirdly enormous keep in a high mountain pass. The Wizard & his Apprentice From Our World go in search of other wizards while the Warrior From Our World puts her training as a historian to use in trying to figure out who the hell built a keep bigger than the Pentagon with fourteenth century technology.

Rachel Ray, by Anthony Trollope. Snapped this one up at Half Price Books mostly because I had never heard of it & the title poked me in the eye. Heroine Rachel weirdly just goes along with it when domineering hero declares she’s his because he says so, until objections from her fundamentalist (even for a Victorian) sister & smears by the hero’s rival/partner in the brewery business throw a spanner in the works. Local election side plot provides an opportunity for the heroine’s meek & retiring mother to loudly declare that there’s absolutely no excuse for a Good Christian voting for a Jewish candidate. So, y’know, fuck her & her crumpets.

Savage Worlds, Explorer's Edition, by Shane Hensley. Tabletop RPG built for fast action & quick resolution of everything from fist fights to foot chases to naval battles. Derived from skirmish rules for the Deadlands universe so it preserves a lot of spaghetti Western card game lingo in the terminology (along with using actual playing cards & possibly poker chips for certain game functions).

[tielt]

This weird OCD fever dream is perhaps well described by a friends similar expression of one who said, "I dreamed I had to put on wet socks." Spoiler break for the four-bar tetris block dropped on the wrong side of the screen rendition & for a stupidly-long shanty-rant. ye bin warned.

Slept in and was running late to a final exam. With a ways to go yet, I was headed by what was my current go-to for food cafe. I sat down outside and saw a friend come out to take my order. As I was waiting my anxiety about the final stewed, no-one came outside for quite some time and it felt that for whatever reason it was not comprehendable to disturb the patrons inside. There was food on the table that was not anything I would order; oddly & without a delivery. It seemed abruptly true that it was already too late for me to make the exam. Suddenly instinct overwhelmed my `good` senses, I stood up having eaten much of the meal which I recognized as some permutation I uniquely detested, nautious.

Briskly I hurried away towards the school. "Who was the waitress," thinking she simultaneously looked like both off the Indian women I spent several years working beside, "I don't have prosopagnosia ...weird". Strangely the path ahead was unfamiliar. A grassy hill tapered downhill and out of sight. Need to hurry it's in this direction. Suddenly, I remembered I didn't pay, and regardless that it was a close friend this was serious trouble, "...could I ever return." Simultaneous to this new knowing that I had to turn back, my feet slipped and the way ahead after a short distance was a pitch black void rectangle in my visual field that could only be described as being an event horizon of a black hole.

Somehow I regained my senses many miles downhill and away from both desparate destinations, near where they charge you a fiver to get to the airport in East Oakland. Disdainfully realizing I forgot my wallet and my bike on the street near where I ate, I was overwhelmed by the feeling, "you can't get there from here." ...

After waking up and sidescrolling and cat petting for a bit, the best part of the day even if impregnated with depression, I got in the shower. After washing my face as I usually do first off, I got that sensation that you get after washing your hands before you've dried them, but on my face. "Is this the bad place"

...

like fuuuuuuuuuuuck, that lucille font isn't a gruesome enough tone.

Stupid-world problem. This may have happened because I spent an entire day redialling my Zsa moonlander, which if you've ever quit the qwerty keys even temporarily you understand how it feels; what even were humans before. I guess as a programmer you have a hard version, did you know we use every symbol on the typical keyboard in a seemingly irreplacable way? I suppose some Chinese, Japanese, Indian programmers or their likeness are absolute wizards at extreme variations |& english. Though what I'm up to is attempting to retire my right hand to do work purely for the devil; I'm kidding I have brain damage; it retired itself. I have been somewhat successful in applying absurd density to my left wing, I plan to document the trials and failures when my configuration stabilizes a bit farther, every change costs a lot and it is often hard to see the value of the commitment. It takes maybe a year to not be shit. I use dynamic code snippets a lot now and have a pile of bash aliases/scripts.

Now that I've explicated it's virtue, here is our sponsor Zsa. Of course I'm kidding, they did however replace a device I was honest about my accidentally breaking of, also they seamed to on the day of reporting it, fix a firmware bug that was disruptive. Way better experience than I expected. A lot of super-users in tech and entertainment are their patrons i think or was it from them i heard that. They have my poisoned endorsement regardless. oof, it is hard being ugly.

I had this joke scene play in my head one day, of re-enacting the sword-fight from Princess Bride with a friend of mine who also has M.S. When reaching the point, "I'm going to tell you something you do not know, I am not left handed." Then i'd start flailing about like a used car-lot gumbi baloon or as if I am a robot made by Simone Giertz. They would then visibly struggle as if against the air itself and then follow that with, "I will also," and then flail about as I did. I imagine someone seeing that without ever watching Princess Bride. Oof, it takes all kinds is a profoundly stupid statement. Look what you did, now we have Hitler to thank for all this wonder. "Stuff white people like" is an abuse of the narrative, don't they know where this rope we're hanging our-self with came from. The only people who've ever tasted a real party were in Berlin when the wall came down that is where the real techno came from, duh.

ActuallllY. Not everyone is an artist.

So a bunch of frat boys wanted to create a site to rate how pretty each bitch they know is.

Now we are all that bitch.

Rimshot, I'll be here all night.

Being trans really jostles that joke.

Not sure if meta is the principle I mean maybe it's recursive because there is something self referential, but it's only funny cause the expression itself invokes some vaguely ironic attribute aside non-vague camp that would really prefer to be more sentient than is allowed to be in binary. Don't bite the hand that doesn't feed you, wait what fresh hell is this.

A coworker I worked with at a cafe once told me "the entirety of Finnegans Wake was written while James Joyce was having a whiz."

Not sure how or why, but this edge-lord claim has managed have serious long term affects. I'm not saying I believed it but at this point I've spent half my life wondering and I need a professional or an adult.

Perhaps it's been the fact that of the thousands of times up till recently I've thought about this I didn't care to pick it up to try to ascertain the odd claim to be true nor to check out literature of a centuries most well known writer being in the midst of his chaos-lord stage. It took him a decade to write it right? I also have no idea if this came up in a class as actual discourse, or if it was an official q-anon miss-information network packet. Cracks me up trying to learn about it cause there are these random guru types espousing it to transcendental extra-elevated subliminality. Is it like the conservatives "noble savage" rhetoric, but for cat-lords? Are they serious? Truly bizarre from my perspective. This is a poem I wrote for my friend, hope you're still hilarious. I am still casually protecting my ignorance to keep your dream alive.

nerve torrents - eddies tension of surface - chaos of making concious locality a flux unit or measure of thunk Algol focus of attention on a tensor regulation of memory for compute/io tension is there an entity in the universe that can thunk once how many sig. digits could be enough to move TF on or is a quanta not integrate-able or seperable of context how could anything be not context is the entire universe a quanta like this? could the universe be one very long run on sentence would even a Frenchman say god is of their likeness someone made the decision to do that thing the naked gun? the invasion of Russia? "full of sound and fury signifying nothing" much ado in the elevator Shakespeare just departed can you really not get a gift that keep on giving from a toilet seat if we had ears near our junk would we call an std a ear worm surface tension is only the illusion of security the future can only be determined yesterday can there truly be a hard edge or closure to anything, ever if time were reversed, would Hawking radiation be of certainty I'm not a docter, but nether am I is yodeling an act of violence meat tenderizers make perfect sense "a life on the colonies awaits"

...

If a tree falls in typescript was it modern techno feudalism or just the normal kind. Maybe there will be a in hindsight 2020 moment but we're probably already past that which; wait who owns the robot army. Anyway i quit video games many months ago to do some seriously oops I'm broke again; flossing. I'm exhausted, it is difficult to see why even, when you mostly burning energy to flux your brain plasticity; again. This WALL-OF-TEXT was brought to the service of all humankind by one hand.

~angelic organs~

Did you know that people in Japan don't believe they will ever not wear masks in public again? Even students. After spending time there and living with an ex-pat partner, I don't think I understood or I guess fully believed that they live by the saying, "You see a nail sticking out you hammer it in." In inversion architecture, basically it's like a friend of mine who came to the U.S. said that she was made uncomfortable that the buildings are all directly | vertical | quite unlike Venezuela, but conceptually imagined for properness of people. I guess I didn't entirely `believe` something could be a cultural absolute that isn't a general human absolute; like in that way. I'm a real gringo after all.

I'd like to re-recommend Severance as a real mood for anyone who's facing reintegration debilitation and ready to look the inherent violence of corpo life in the face. I guess cause it's the ones that you know. Considering a more centrist they/them approach because I'm honestly running on fumes but I know that would be even harder. Started going by she/they towards the end of my last job, but i think it was suitable because it I felt I could become casually enby after getting to know my captors. Might actually have to move if I don't find work in PDX, ugh stress. Hi I am zeta, & I'm on the spectrum. Which spectrum? All positions... Don't apologize for being yourself I think is good advice, do we do that to fake being humble? How do you humble without performativity? We literally don't suddenly fly to pieces because there is enough of us and everything else to wait what is this a peanut gallery or molten lava. Never-mind the complete ignorance of the 'weak' force that keeps everything from imploding. ok, so I'm feeling my keys are configured better now. Renton moment - now I just need another hit o the caffeine then I will be ready to code pfft, choose life!

[jamamack7-blog]

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When the whole lot is secure inside, we'll pull the trailer right down to a storage lot in Oakland, and the Kenney Cottage will be safe and dry until we find its new house. If you’re transferring out of Oakland, enable yourself time to say goodbye to your favorite spots until subsequent time. In any case, this type of garage storage does not offer just a few amenities regular to warehouse centres, for instance, day in and day out safety, fire alerts, and environment management. F: Failed to answer 2 out of 5 complaints in the last three years. Positive they had been on the clock, however I am positive they were additionally anxious to return dwelling to their very own households on the final day of Labor Day weekend. Name at this time to take away the stress from your property or business move! Name us right this moment for a free estimate and quote! Fill the free moving quote for California movers price estimate and discount relocation rates.

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[pkstudiosindia]

4 experts tell you how to make your home do double obligation, from day time to after-hours

4 experts tell you how to make your home do double obligation, from day time to after-hours

Somewhere in direction of the tip of March, got here a big shift—our properties, the secure areas we retired to after work, grew to become our solely place to be. Most of us by no means anticipated our residing quarters turning into the office-gym-classroom sanctuary hybrid. But right here we’re. And whereas lots of the options we undertake on this age of quarantine could also be transitory, there’s little doubt that 2020 is leaving us with an altered perspective of what we would like and want from our properties. Here, 4 design wizards supply knowledgeable recommendation on reworking, maximising and making versatile the areas we’ve already constructed with love.

From bed room to home workplace

By Saniya Kantawala, principal designer, Saniya Kantawala Design

Day

• Rearrange your bed room so your work desk faces the east or north for ample pure gentle. Ensure that the room has a lock so you’re uninterrupted throughout vital calls.

• Make certain your WiFi is powerful sufficient in your bed room, if not get a booster router.

• Invest in an ergonomic workplace chair however avoid the ‘cubicle’ look by selecting a snug but trendy armchair.

• Add a desk lamp as an alternative of disrupting your bed room lighting.

• Make environment friendly storage a precedence. Organise and label your supplies in acrylic, cane, jute or wood baskets and stack them superbly alongside a wall, so it merges with the bed room decor.

Night

• Try to arrange a chosen space in order that you can have your work out of sight when it’s time to unwind. If you have a walk-in closet, it should make an ideal space to arrange your desk and ‘close the door’ on your workplace on the finish of the day. Another sensible method to separate the workspace is to take the doorways off a wall closet to match your desk into. This may also give you built-in storage. You can then use an ornamental display or room divider to conceal the nook earlier than heading to mattress. If none of that is potential, strive to get a roll-top desk that appears like a press release piece when it’s shut.

• Arrange your bedside desk at first of the day with contemporary flowers or potpourri, candles, a small speaker and your favorite guide in order that you have a bit of sanctuary to curl up in each time you’re finished with work.

From classroom to playroom

By Maithili Raut, co-founder, Red Architects

Day

• While establishing a research space in your children’ room, select a spot with sufficient pure gentle to create an atmosphere that’s conducive to creativity and studying. Think: a protracted desk close to a window, with a big tack board above and storage bins under. Keep the desk as clutter-free as potential with stationery organisers.

• Choose impartial or gentle hues for the partitions and furnishings, so the room feels ethereal. Shades like taupe, ‘duck egg’ blue, gentle mint, and dusty rose work nicely for each research and play. Brighter colors will are available from youngsters’s belongings and equipment.

• One of the smaller partitions within the room might be painted with black chalkboard paint for simple studying and revision with none mess. It might be wiped down and used throughout playtime as nicely.

• Get the children concerned in adorning the house with home-made posters based mostly on what they’re studying on the time. Display these at their eye degree by establishing a easy gallery wall. String a protracted rope alongside the wall and fasten the posters with clips. You can intertwine fairy lights together with the road which might be switched on within the evenings.

• Create a studying nook with an inviting rug, a small sofa, an ottoman with storage, guide rack and a standing lamp.

• You can equally use small space rugs to create different areas relying on what your baby wants. This has confirmed to be efficient in getting youngsters to deal with the duty at hand.

• Keep the furnishings to a minimal and go away the centre of the room free to permit for the correct amount of motion and utility. Use wall pegs and floating cabinets to hold litter off the ground.

Night

• Switch on the fairy lights on the rope gallery wall talked about above and clip enjoyable art work in entrance of the academic posters to remodel the house after research time. Also, make sure that the remainder of the room is well-lit with vivid overhead lighting.

• Designate one a part of the room for transportable storage that may be simply accessed by the children to make the room transformation as easy as potential. Separate rolling drawer models and storage bins for playthings and research issues might be stored beneath a protracted research desk or in a single nook of the room, hidden by a curtain or an art work or graphic print.

• Create an artwork nook utilizing a wall-mounted cubby to retailer paint and provides, with a drop-down desk.

• Try to use reversible tack boards, so you can simply change them round to change the vibe of the room.

• Interlocking foam mats might be specified by the open central space for playtime, artwork initiatives and messy snacks, and wiped and stacked away earlier than bedtime.

• The rugs used throughout research might be embellished with ground cushions and bean baggage to create mini lounge areas for the evenings.

From front room to gymnasium

By Anushka Contractor, inside and furnishings designer

Day

• With a bit of little bit of planning, a front room or hooked up balcony might be reworked into an at-home gymnasium, whereas nonetheless retaining its unique perform. Don’t fear if your room isn’t tremendous spacious— one doesn’t want rather more than a 6ft by 6ft house for a home exercise.

• Move no matter furnishings you can, and take a look at to use the remaining in your routine. A heavy espresso desk or the arms of your couch work nicely for tricep dips or incline pushups. A settee can be used for ab routines whereas an ottoman for any train that requires a step up.

• Stick to only one huge piece of cardio tools like a foldable treadmill, compact rowing machine or indoor cycle which might be simply moved out of the way in which when not in use. It might be angled for a transparent view of your TV display, so you can comply with the tempo of your exercise movies or simply distract your self whereas you sweat it out.

• Invest in tools like a set of dumbbells, a medication ball and a pair of kettlebells, which might be saved simply.

• Put up ornamental hooks to neatly cling different equipment reminiscent of a skipping rope, resistance bands and towels.

• A sturdy doorway can be utilized to arrange a removable pull-up bar or punching bag.

• If you don’t have a sound system in your front room, put money into a conveyable Bluetooth speaker to pay attention to your favorite music.

• Consider buying rubber mats to defend not solely your joints and pores and skin but additionally your flooring—these might be simply saved away when not in use.

Night

• Look for assertion storage items like a personalized ottoman or an attractive classic trunk that fits your aesthetic. Coffee tables or benches with built-in storage may also permit you to simply conceal your exercise tools away whereas giving the household extra comfy seating and lounging choices.

• Leaning an ornate full-length mirror towards a textured or painted wall will permit you to watch your self when you exercise and in addition add a focus to your front room throughout the remainder of the day when the household comes collectively.

• Incorporate indoor vegetation like peace lily, fiddle leaf, monstera, and cash vegetation which act as pure air purifiers and can hold your house contemporary each throughout and after your exercises.

• A superbly carved wooden, painted canvas, cane or woven display can conceal larger tools in a single nook of the room and function an artwork piece and dialog starter.

From rest room to spa

By Ravi Vazirani, principal designer, Ravi Vazirani Design Studio

Day

• More and extra individuals are searching for out areas of rest inside their home, regardless of the dimensions, and for an excellent purpose. For these residing with huge households, loos are the final really non-public locations left, so make it your sanctuary.

• A big mirror will open up the house and make it really feel larger and extra luxurious. You can set up one with backlighting or LED lights that may be switched on for your pores and skin and hair care routines.

• Avoid supplies which are too busy or pattern-heavy. Palettes of beige and gray work very nicely for such a setting, as do pure supplies like stone. If you completely should go along with tiles, strive to use these with extra natural finishes than artificial ones.

• Think of fixtures as jewelry for your rest room. Whether you want glossy, shiny silvers or vintage finishes, costume it up mindfully to keep one balanced aesthetic.

• Cotton balls, sponges and sheet masks might be neatly saved in glass apothecary jars. Bigger gadgets like curlers, sprays, trimmers and hair dryers might be organised in wicker baskets under your counter or on the ground.

• Use an ottoman, stool or ladder to hold contemporary towels helpful close to the bathe. Drape a vine plant on the ladder to add freshness.

• Keep a citrus scent helpful to spritz in your bathe within the morning. This will instantly energise you and assist begin the day off proper.

• Bring in furnishings if you can—an armchair or lamp will add dimension and texture to the house.

Night

• For a spa-like ambiance to chill out in on the finish of a protracted day, plan your lighting nicely. The trick is to have a number of layers to play with—from overhead spotlights and recessed lighting to a chandelier and lamps.

• Install dimmer switches and a small waterproof speaker to create the proper temper.

• If your rest room is large enough, you can incorporate a bath with jacuzzi options.

• Use alcoves to show reed diffusers, candles, tub bombs, tub salts, scented oils, and sprinkle flower petals within the bathtub.

• Do away with material or artificial tub mats in favour of teak, cedar or bamboo ones.

• For the final word wind-down expertise, add a towel hotter to your rest room.

• Complement the low gentle and excessive humidity with vegetation on the counters, on the ground and even hanging from the ceiling. Think ferns, bamboo, succulents and bonsai.

Also learn:

Screen partitions, movable furnishings, and the loss of life of the cafeteria: Here’s what co-working areas will seem like within the close to future

How to work out in a small house whereas you’re in lockdown

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[rametarin]

Given exactly whom are at the reigns of declaring shit like orcs to be “ culturally and racially prejudiced caricatures by white culture,” claiming, “evil/good races are white supremacist,” I just have no faith in the direction it’s going.

What’s going to ultimately happen is these phony-baloney “fans” that’ve elected themselves representatives and movers-and-shakers of the industry and fandom are going to move to astroturf more classical elements onto the chopping block.

1.) “It’s time to get rid of the idea that gods exist in tabletop fantasy games! D&D should put a warning page that the Judeo-Christian tradition is racist and sexist and white supremacist! And we culturally ILLEGALLY borrowed other cultures’ deities to use in the games, too! So, no more cultural appropriation, no more eurocentrist Christian symbolism, no more deities of any sort in D&D! Good or bad are inconsequential!”

2.) “We need to get rid of the cisheteronormic and misogynistic idea of the paladin class! They epitome the decadence of Charlamagne. All damsel saving and misogynistic undertones. Did you know about the Christian crusades that butchered across the Middle East and North Africa!? Is THAT whom you want to lionize!? A bunch of Islamophobic white supremacist religious zealots!? This is bad for culture! I say get rid of the paladin class!”

3.) “We need to talk about the problematic nature of clerics. Good and bad shouldn’t exist as moral alignments in D&D, gods either, so clerics serve only as white supremacist eurocentrist idol figures to remind the reader white Christians rule the world. Their colonizing influence and supposed divinity needs to be retired to the dust bin where it belongs. We recommend some medics and magically influenced spellcasters instead.”

4.) “It’s time to unpack the white supremacist and orientalist nature of Oriental Fantasy tabletop games that aren’t actually published by Asians or people from Asia. White people have always had a problem with appropriating cultures that weren’t theirs, and treating non-European cultures as grab bags. Not making supplements for each country’s own mythology is proof those white people at the time were just patronizing and condescending Asians to make yellowface characters and make ching-chong silverware-down-stairs jokes. Instead we recommend if you want to play an ASIAN FANTASY (not ‘Oriental,’ you rednecks!) you actually buy this tabletop game from these new, totally not racist, totally progressive PoC makers! They aren’t white at all, so you know there was no white hatred that went into the make of these!”

5.) “Fellow gamers, it’s time to retire the concept of CLASSES in D&D! The idea of classes in tabletop games is purely a socio-economic construct from white protestant patriarchal societies and their colonialist, capitalist ways! The idea that the labor should be specialized, and that some classes are inherently more powerful and useful than others. Why should a Fighter be limited to swinging swords while a wizard gets to summon magical beasts and make flying carpets!? The entire premise of D&D that doesn’t revolutionize the economy and society so all characters can be trained fighters and wizards at the same time needs to be done away with! No more roles! No more racism! No more classism!”

6.) “My good beans, we need to get rid of gold! It’s holding our D&D games back! Heroes should be given everything they’re needed by their Society and provided every advantage over the bourgoise and corruption of capitalist villains! In a post-scarcity magical economy and society, the Workers should be provided all tools that they need from the getgo. No more toiling or laboring to buy a +4 magical sword; you want it, you should be able to get it, comrade!”

7.) “It’s time to talk about gendered language in D&D, and how it relates to sex. In a world where sex and gender are both irrelevant, we need to stop using terms like ‘man’ or ‘woman’ at all. Those are both holdovers from a cisheteronormative period of history that made labels of people based on their reproductive and social role. Having a penis doesn’t make you a man, having a vagina doesn’t make you a woman. A truly ADVANCED and CIVILIZED society would understand this, so would mark these changes into their post-sex society. When one can be anything, turn to anything, have one, both or neither sets, or even make whole new exotic kinds of sexual organs, there are simultaneously infinite genders and none whatsoever! It’s time to get rid of male and female sexes in D&D and just let people be whatever they want, so long as it’s not cis male and female. The narrative should be accommodating and supportive of all genders! Except cis male and female. Bake this TOLERANCE into the setting. Cisness is weird and self-incrimination of prejudice against the gender-nonconforming and beneath what a civilized society should be maintaining as a norm, but socially and legally.”

8.) “We need more obese heroes! We need more splatbooks and settings where 400-600 pound people that can scarcely climb a ladder as the protagonists. That means more adventures where the obese characters can actually participate and be just as heroic and skilled as the skinny characters. What, we can believe some 150 pound horse faced redneck blonde can bounce around on a shield, but a 400 pound man trying to do that hurts himself? We can imagine ogres and giants, but not that fat people are just bigger, stronger and better than normy-weights? Yeah okay and I guess you think women should just get a -4 STRENGTH RATING too, right? Bottom line you should be able to make 500-600 pound characters with no detriments to gameplay and no drawbacks to socialization scores.”

People are now arguing that healing magic in fantasy settings is ableist.

Yes.

Because they’re fucking stupid.