#{|❂|} MOTHER'S TOUCH (HOW CAN YOU TRUST ME?) | alchemic-elric

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ || the moon is breaking down.

“ lun’, you’re okay. ‘s okay. you’re here with me, d’ya understand ? ”

his voice is a far cry from the real version of himself. a far cry from the one that’s flooding emotions like there’s no tomorrow, keeping the demon trapped away down in his psyche. but with each second that passes, a little more gets let out.  he knows this. he knows it, because he’s lived it. he KNOWS. and he’ll do his damned hardest to help.

he doesn’t know if whatever’s plaguing him will morph his gestures into something else - god knows his BROTHER did it all the time, it’s the entire reason those awful fucking bruises are on his moon’s neck - but he has to try. fingers graze his reflection’s forehead as he pushes his hair out of his face.  that single touch is full of warmth.

“ win’s okay, luna. she’s safe. win’s okay. there’s nothin’ here that can hurt’er. she’s fine. y’with me, lun’. y’not ... ”

the memory flashes through. he doesn’t know if it’s even accurate to him right now, but ...  he needs to try.

“ y’not there. th’woods - y’not there. ‘e’s gone, luna. ‘e’s dead. no one can hurt ya. y’safe. ”

[bisexual-inuyasha]

Promises Made, Promises Kept

AN: Canon-divergent. Ling is absorbed along with Greed, but his philosopher’s stone survives with Ling inside. Ed is told he can save him.

Ed splayed across his bed. Dark smudged under his eyes like shadows. Research was never easy. This research was harder than anything he’d undertaken. So many rules had never needed breaking. He’d never been so unwilling to break them.

A clock ticked beside him. Every second counted down closer to all of this being over. The sound was mesmerizing.

Tick—tick—tick—tick.

His eyes grew heavy. The sky lightened to the east. Ed curled into a ball, clutched his pillow over his eyes, and fell asleep.

On the tray beside his bed, surrounded by the tools of transmutation, a red stone glowed in the sunrise. A vial of similarly colored liquid rested beside it.

There is a way to bring him back. I can show you, for a price. It is all the way, far away in his Truth. Do you want it, Edward Elric?

The world was cold. A hand, colder and empty all the way through, reached for his. He pulled his hand away but it grabbed. When the Truth reached him, it took everything.

He saw a palace, extravagant and golden. A yellow shirt lay resting on his bed in his apartment in the city. A thousand faces pushed against their binding, a thousand souls reached for him. The sun set a hundred times and rose a hundred more and still the only sound Ed could hear was a heartbeat. All the world moved on without him, far away, unattainable.

Hunger gnawed on his desire. Anger burned low in his belly. He reached and reached and nothing found him. Finally, he turned around, unable to watch the world any longer. A pair of eyes caught his.

The last eyes he saw belonged to him—all the way in his Truth. And then Ed disappeared.

Ed jolted awake. The sun poured in through his window. Frost climbed up the panes. Outside, snow surrounded his small mountain cabin. His blanket lay folded on a chair across the room. His jacket lay crumpled on the floor. Ling would be cross with him if he saw the state Ed was in.

He’d probably tell him so with a snarky joke and a gentle touch.

“Yeah, well, if you want to chastise me come out here and do it then.” The stone did not respond. It never did. “I’m going to try a new circle today. Mei says she may have an idea from Xing that could work, but she’s practicing first. We don’t want to hurt you whenever we pull you out of there.”

He swung his legs over the side of his bed. His shoulders and joints ached. His head swam when he stood. He’d forgotten to eat yesterday. From the creaking of his knees, he’d forgotten to drink as well. He rubbed his eyes and hurried to his cabinets. Dust and cobwebs collected in the corners. Everywhere else was bare.

He sat down and fiddled with his braid.

Alphonse would find him soon. When he did, the game would be over for a while. Until he found his way away again. Somewhere new to hide. Some new thread of evidence he could find.

“I hope you’re working from inside get out. I’d hate to find out you were just lazing around.” Ed considered his meal options. He could make his way down the mountain and into town. A small convenience store at the bottom of the trail usually stayed open through bad weather. Sometimes they had jerky sticks he liked. “Would be like you, though.”

Would Ling come out hungry? Would he come back ravenous for all the delights he couldn’t have? Would he be thin as sticks? If he was hungry, Ed wouldn’t be able to feed him right away. Not like this.

Or would being stuck in a Philosopher’s stone be entirely different from being possessed by Truth?

He had asked this question every day for the last three years.

Al said worrying about it was turning him gray.

Al also said Ling had moved on from this world, and he would want Ed to move on from him.

What did Al know anyway?

He couldn’t possibly know more than Truth. And Truth said he could bring Ling back.

Ed shrugged on a coat and fought on his shoes. Just because he had to be cold didn’t mean he had to starve. Shopping wouldn’t be so hard. Probably. The whole money situation would be a hassle but most grocery stores didn’t understand when he explained he was on the run from his brother and so had no access to his savings.

He’d figure something out.

It was a three hour walk down the mountain to the store. If he followed the path. Ed had only become more meandering in his days since the military. So, he took a moment to enjoy the winter. It ached in his bones—in the new hand he’d had taken months to bring fully to strength, in the hollow spaces he neglected with his apathy, in the cobwebs of his memories which could not remember a winter before his mother passed.

Birds still landed on the dead branches. Cardinals. A blanket of white covered the cracks in the ground. Every imperfection lay hidden beneath a glittering foot of snow. Ed wondered if he should miss the days when he wouldn’t appreciate the beautiful snow. In those days he would not have appreciated the absence of the birdsong in the midafternoon. He wouldn’t miss the spill of gold and red of the sunrise he’d slept through this morning. He was too busy looking ahead. Too sure he’d get everything he needed in the end. He didn’t miss things with any purpose. Life was too fast back then but it was easier to ignore the things he didn’t have.

The people, too.

He pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders. A stiff wind blew through his hair, kicking up snow and rustling the last dead leaves clinging to the branches. He could see the light of the shop up ahead. A small radio system played something sappy over the radio. Ed hadn’t listened to modern music in a long time, so he didn’t recognize the melody. The song was pretty, in its tinkering, slow way.

He found a few coins and a 100 cen bill dropped outside the door. It was enough to buy a couple of cans of beans. The dinner of kings.

He even managed to sneak out with a can of soda tucked in his pocket. He was nearly certain the woman at the counter would have let him have it, but found it best to keep her from trouble.

Maybe, if his research didn’t work out today, he’d take a vacation to travel again. Real travelling, with his brother and his new wife. He and Mei needed to swap their findings soon anyway. Phone calls weren’t as helpful as physical copies of the progress she’d made in all these years.

They’d tried every extraction and remodeling they could. Ling’s philosopher’s stone could do a lot of things. It didn’t seem able to remember his body with its limbs in all the right places. Al forbade Ed from connecting Ling’s soul to anything inanimate. Life as an empty shell was hardly worth living, he’d said. He hadn’t looked at him when he said it.

Slowly, on the walk home, the doubts crawled in.

Maybe he couldn’t do it. He hadn’t sacrificed to Truth, not this time. He knew the price would be too high. Life—real life—offered no short cuts.

How could he find someone else’s truth? How could he learn where Ling’s hid?

He just wanted to reach into the stone and pulled him out. If he could see what Ling saw, see Ling’s truth himself, he knew he could figure out how to bring him here.

He just needed a window.

He sat the can of beans in the cabinet. His notebook lay open on his bed. The philosophers stone lay on his bedside table. Someone had removed the stone and the vial from its spot in the center circle. Al had found him.

He collapsed into the chair, on top of his folded blanket and all. He hadn’t expected the end of this trip so soon. He thought he had another few weeks at least. His mind wandered, even as his mouth spoke.

“I guess Mei told you where I went?”

“Not for the reason you think.” Al stepped from behind the bedroom door. A round disc wrapped in a white cloth rested in his hands. “Mei found him.”

Al did not smile. Ed’s heartbeat picked up. His wandering mind snapped back to attention.

“What do you have, Al?”

“He’s not well, Ed.”

Ed closed his eyes. He prepared himself. All the words he’d rehearsed escaped him. He said the only words he could think. “I’ve got to see.”

Unwrapping the disc lasted longer than Ed’s patience. Al looked as tired as Ed felt. Whatever he’d seen in the disc, he didn’t want to share it.

The cloth fell away to reveal a silvered glass, etched with one of Mei’s pentacles. The design of this one was different—alchemic symbols of fire and air alternated at each point. In the center, the mark of Greed glowed faintly red.

“You’ll want to take a step back.” Al ignited the circle. He’d excelled in Alkehestry under Mei’s tutelage. Ed hadn’t benefitted from a lover’s constant guidance, so he was good but not well practiced. He wouldn’t have trusted himself with something like this.

The reflection flickered. Gold eyes shifted to black and back again. Ed reached for the glass. The reflection settled into black eyes, boxed in by unkempt black hair. The ponytail, the easy smile, the lazy posture was all gone. In Ling’s place, Ed found a shell.

Greed, despite his best intentions, had eaten Ling alive. His body was all there, but it was not as Ed had left it.

“Ling?” Ed called to him without thought. The Xingese would be emperor did not stir. His gaze was unseeing.

“I’m sorry, Brother.” Al pulled the cloth over the glass.

Ed grabbed his hand. “No.”

The single word crushed Al. He handed the disc over, quietly went to the bed, and turned his back. He wouldn’t leave. Ed knew this as well as he knew the snow fell outside. But he wouldn’t watch Ed tear himself to pieces over what he thought was a hopeless cause.

“You didn’t have to show me, you know. You could have hidden this. I may never have found him.”

Al snorted. “You’ve been at this for years, brother. I had to bring him to you.”

Al wouldn’t venture any closer to reassurance.

Ed knew what he’d have to do. He’d only try it as a last resort.

“I have food, Ling. Not much, but when I get you out of here, we’ll go for something better.” Ling didn’t move. Ed wasn’t sure the other man could hear him. He talked anyway.

He tried different methods throughout the night. Seeing Ling, he tried some of the old techniques again.

He tried to pull him through, first creating a Ling shell and then transmuting the person into the untrapped version of himself. The method had worked long ago, but the Philosopher’s stone was not a failed attempt at a gate to Truth. The stone was just a stone. It travelled nowhere.

So Ed tried again. He tried opening up the stone from what he could see of Ling’s surroundings. He chose a particularly glum patch of ground and tried to transmute a hole into it.

“I’ve got your jacket somewhere, too. You know, when you get out of there, you probably won’t have greed anymore. You can wear your own clothes again. I haven’t seen you in that yellow outfit in years.” Ed forced himself to sound positive. Ling would be out soon. He had to have hope. Ling hadn’t moved. Only the rise and fall of his chest gave Ed any clue he was alive. Ed wasn’t sure Ling even blinked. No hole formed in the ground beside him. Ed tried again.

“Lan Fan misses you. She checks in sometimes, but she has no stomach for bad news anymore. Mei helped me with research. Her notes say she sifted through the chi of the stone to find your chi markers. Now we’re able to see you.” He set the red vial beside the stone and tried again to transmute Ling from the stone. This time, he planned to have an intermediary vessel—something between Ling’s removal from the stone and the return to his form.

Ling’s time was fading. His lines were beginning to blur inside the glass. Ed didn’t think it was a sudden problem with the alkehestry. No. Ling was losing himself.

Ed didn’t know what to do. Whatever Ling’s Truth was, wherever his gate was, Ed wasn’t having any luck finding it. Attempt after attempt failed. He scrubbed a dozen circles off his floor before Al grabbed his hand one day to stop him. He was holding the disc.

In it, Ling was barely visible. Everything was edged in red. Ling’s eyes were closed. His body arched back, hair pushed up on the wall he’d leaned against. Tears left clean tracks against the grime built up on his cheeks. He said something.

Ed couldn’t hear.

“What’s happening, Ling?” Ed yanked the mirror hard from Al’s hands. Three years he’d been at this. For weeks he’d been able to see Ling. He’d assumed Ling couldn’t hear or feel, that whatever place he was stuck in eroded the senses. Now Ling looked pained. A crack formed down the middle of the glass. Ed lightened his grip. “Ling!”

Ling flickered away.

Panic seized Ed’s chest. For three solid beats, he didn’t breathe. Ling flickered back. His face was blank again. His eyes were open. The tears kept falling.

Ed couldn’t hear him, but he could see Ling’s mouth moving. At first, he couldn’t make sense of what he saw. Ling was repeating the same words over and over again. He followed the shape of the lips, cracked and dry.

I want… I want… I want…

“Al.” Ed put the glass carefully onto his bed. The crack lengthened. “Al, I’m out of time. Help me.”

Al turned from the window. “What did Truth say to you exactly, Ed?”

Ed explained the dream to him, how it had been the same dream every time Ed fell asleep since he’d talked with Truth to get Al’s body back. He had never shared the story. Truth had offered him a choice then—Al or Ling. Or at least, he was pretty sure that’s what the choice Truth offered. Either way, he wasn’t willing to risk it at the time. He’d never regretted it. He hadn’t wanted to burden Al with that knowledge. Despite everything, Al would have blamed himself for Ling’s loss. In denying Al this initial guilt, he’d denied himself Al’s help all this time.

“You’re not looking for Ling’s Truth. Ling is stuck in the stone. He has no power over where he is. Knowing his Truth won’t help you. No.” Al rubbed his hands over his eyes. “You’re looking for Greed’s. That’s his stone, right?”

Ed nodded. Greed was supposed to be able to come back using the Philosopher’s stone. All the others had used their stones to regenerate themselves if needed. As long as their stone, and some small part of themselves, existed, they could return. It’s how they lived so long. Ed assumed he’d needed to race against Greed’s regeneration.

He’d approached it all from the wrong angle.

He needed to convince Greed that what he wanted was Ling to come back alive. How did one convince Greed he wanted to give himself up so someone else could live?

Ed rubbed his hand over his eyes. Greed had done it once before. He could do it again. He just had to understand his Truth. As far as Ed knew, only one person had ever been close enough to Greed to know, and he was stuck in a useless stone.

“How can I talk to him? He’s a stone, it’s not like he has ears.” Ed wanted to throw the stone out the window and never see it again.

“There has to be some part of him left or the stone would be gone.” Al shrugged. “I know what you’re going to do, brother. You may as well do it. It’s not like Greed will stop you.”

Ed closed his eyes. Al was angry with him. He could feel it in the distance of the words. He could see it in the slump of Al’s shoulders. “I can’t just leave him, Al.”

“You think I don’t know?” Al’s voice raised, just a little. His temper deflated as quickly as it flared. “We finally get back and still you’ve got to be a hero. I can’t even pretend like I would do any different. Ling was family.”

“Is family. I’m going to bring him back. If I’m not back soon, have Mei make another mirror. Or maybe fix this one. Then you’ll know I’m alright.”

“Ling doesn’t look alright to me.” Al grabbed a piece of chalk. “It’ll be safer if I do the transmutation. Your alkehestry is shaky.”

Going into the stone was easy. Ed didn’t have to create somewhere for himself to go like he had to create a vessel for Ling. He wasn’t trying to get somewhere unknown. Ed was aware of what was being done. It was the difference between walking to the store and asking someone in a different country to leave the same store.

The transmutation still hurt. His entire body burned then turned weightless. He was in the stone but not, as well. Al didn’t need to transmute all of Ed. Only the part of him capable of travelling across gates.

Landing in Greed was not what Ed expected. Ling was nowhere to be found. Souls, tired and already lost, stretched out from the lining of the walls. Their groans chilled Ed’s blood. Some of the groans sounded like words, and those words were familiar.

I want… I want…

Ed walked, searching for Ling while he figured out how to approach his new goal. He had to bring Ling back from the edge—the Xingese would-be emperor was dangerously close to losing himself. But he didn’t have to wait until he found Ling to start convincing Greed.

But how?

Greed had kept Ling this long for a reason. And it wasn’t because he didn’t know what would happen to him once he’d stayed so long being ravished by Greed’s hunger. If he was already willing to sacrifice himself for Ling once, why hadn’t he already done it again?

“Greed, can you hear me?”

The groaning of the walls paused. Everything was quiet. Ed could hear a whisper far away—Ling had not stopped when the others had.

“What do you want?”

“You know why I’m here, Greed.” Ed moved towards the low sound of Ling’s voice. He could see only one wall beside him. Darkness swallowed the others, but they must look the same. “Where’s Ling? He deserves to be free.”

“Can’t, runt. He’s part of me.” The voice surrounded him. It was weak. “The part that’s alive.”

“Not yet he isn’t. He doesn’t have to be.” Ed strained his ears to hear. He was getting closer. “He still has a chance.”

“If he goes, what’s left?”

“You were willing to give him up before.”

“Yeah, when I was—” Greed stopped. The break off hung heavy in the air.

When what? Greed had thrown himself into Father before—there’s no way he could have survived. If Ling hadn’t been determined to save him, he would have died for sure. What could be different now? At least now he’d probably survive.

Ed’s steps faltered. The truth—Greed’s Truth—hit him like a steam train.

“You don’t want to live alone. You were going to die before, and that was alright. But now, only one of you can leave. That’s all the energy left in the stone. So if you let Ling go—”

“I’m stuck here, forever. Alone.” Greed laughed. The sound blew through the space around Ed like an empty breeze. “Never would have bothered me before, but your friend here had to point out that I like having friends.”

“Ling was always too perceptive for his own good.” Ed picked up his pace, keeping his steps even. “You’re going to let him die so you can keep him a little longer?”

“I’m not called Greed because I’m so selfless, kid.”

“You’ll still be alone.”

“I’ll die eventually.” Greed’s voice echoed. He sounded tired.

“If you give him back, I can destroy the stone. You won’t have to live with your loneliness.”

“Defeats the purpose of surviving doesn’t it?”

“Defeats the purpose of keeping him here if he’s just going to die, doesn’t it?” Ed shot back. Greed didn’t respond.

Ed ran. Ling’s mumbling grew less coherent, though Ed was certain he was close. Ling had to be just ahead.

He tripped over Ling’s legs. His shoulder jammed against the ground, one arm jutting out to grab Ling’s shirt.

The mumbling fell silent.

Ling had begun to sink into the wall. Now his eyes were open again. He was watching Ed.

“You’re not real.” Ling’s voice cracked.

“I am.” Ed was just glad Ling recognized him. He tugged Ling away from the wall. Red clung to him, pulling from his hair and clothes like spider silk.

“No. You shouldn’t be here.” Ling lifted a hand to Ed’s chest. He gave a weak push. “There’s no way out. Not even like last time.”

“I’m not all here. Al’s got me back home.” Ed was quiet. He pulled Ling’s arm around his shoulder. Dark hair spilled over his forearm, loose and tangled. “We’re going to find a way to take you out. You hear that Greed?! We’re getting him out of there whether you like it or not!”

Ed wondered if Al was watching, if he could hear them. If Al thought getting Ling back was hopeless, he’d call Ed back without him. Greed hadn’t been promising.

“Al?” Ling’s eyes slid over Ed’s face and down again. “You aren’t real.”

Ling had been here a long time. Ed didn’t know what it had done to his mind. There was a possibility Ling had seen something very similar to this once and it had been an illusion.

“I heard Mei has been practicing her dragon’s beard candy. She says you should try it.” Ed grunted, pushing Ling up onto his knees. “And Lan Fan has gone back to Xing. She says the Emperor is on the cusp of dying. He’ll need an heir soon. You’re famous in Xing already. You’d be even more famous if you,” he grunted and pushed himself to standing. Ling hung from him like a rag. “If you came back from the dead.”

Ling scoffed. Ed took the new response as an improvement.

“I’ve got your clothes at home. I’m ready to see you dressed like you again.”

He didn’t know where he was taking them. They couldn’t escape on their own two feet. The red seeping into Ling’s hair and clothes creeped him out, though. He had to get away from it.

“I’m afraid.” Ling didn’t move his legs to help Ed walk with him.

“Afraid of what?” Ed wanted to keep him talking.

“Of you.” Ling planted his feet, refusing to move.

Ed didn’t know what to say. Ling didn’t explain further. He watched Ed with his dark eyes, gaze steady and unblinking. One hand lifted and cupped Ed’s cheek. Ling’s skin was warm, his palm rough as the day he’d left. Three years hadn’t changed him much. Ed waited. Ling’s hand trembled against his skin.

Ling took a step forward, using Ed’s arm to balance himself. He approached with caution; each step slow. He didn’t stop until Ed’s chest was only a few inches from his. His hand remained on Ed’s cheek.

“You’re not real.” Ling sounded sure. It was not a question. He leaned down, pressed his lips against the corner of Ed’s mouth. Ed didn’t move.

His throat felt dry. His heart drummed so wildly in his chest it drowned out the low groan of the souls around them. A lot of things had been left unsaid between him and Ling. He thought he’d have time to prepare. Now all he could feel was the desperate want of having Ling out of here, of exploring this together.

Ling pressed another kiss against Ed’s cheek. “You look nearly as I remember you. My dreams have gotten creative with your outfit and your new arm. But it is still best I wake up.”

Ed could feel a tug in his stomach, like a string being pulled far away.

Al was calling him back. Too early.

“Ling, please, tell Greed you want to leave. Tell him to let you go.”

“I promised Green I’d never leave without him.” Ling snorted. “I have been telling him for so long. We are the same, Greed and I. We do not want to be alone. Not after finally finding someone.”

Ed clutched onto Ling’s hand, fighting the insistent tug of his soul to his body. “Please, don’t give up Ling. I’ll be back!”

Ed could hold on no longer. His hand fell through Ling’s, and he was gone. He could still feel the press of Ling’s kiss against his cheek.

Anger burned him up. It hadn’t been nearly enough time. Ling could have still come around. Together they may have found a way out. They’d done it before. He pivoted, ready to shout at Al, when he saw the paleness of his brother’s face.

“I thought I was too late,” Al whispered. “I thought I’d lost you, too.”

Al pointed to the circle.

Red particulate stirred across the chalk. The vial was empty. The Philosopher’s stone was gone.

Ed’s face felt hot. His body flashed cold. Knees buckling, he fell to the floor. Something must have used the last of Greed’s power. Was it him? Had he somehow used Greed’s power entering the stone?

“Al, I…” Al hurried to his side. His brother had always been quicker to hugs, to comfort, to understanding. Ed crumbled into the embrace and knew what it was to want so strongly it hurt. And no one could give him back what he’d lost.

The ghost of Ling’s kiss lingered on the corner of his mouth. Ed couldn’t even cry. Nothing felt real.

He heard a knock at the door. The sound barely registered.

He hadn’t told anyone where he’d gone. Al had only found him because they were brothers, linked through a bond that drew them together. Al could have found him in the dark across a hundred mazes. No one else had the luxury.

He ignored the knocking. No one on the other side of the door was anyone he wanted to see.

A heavy thump drew his attention again. This time the sound reminded him of a body falling.

He wasn’t even allowed to be in shock in peace.

Al lifted him and placed him carefully on the bed. Ed felt the cracked glass at his fingertips. So close, after so long of trying. Now the glass wouldn’t even work. There was no Ling to see—no dragon’s pulse to find him in.

Al opened the door. He didn’t move or shout to tell Ed who it was. Ed turned his back to the door. The start of tears pricked at his eyes. He just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he and Al could take a trip somewhere. Somewhere new. More places existed in the world than Amestris and Xing. Maybe more types of Alchemy existed too.

“Tell them to go away, Al.” Ed called over his shoulder.

“I don’t think so, Brother.” Al grunted. He was pulling whoever it was into Ed’s small cabin. So whoever it was probably needed help. For once, Ed was tired of helping.

Ed turned to face his brother. “I really don’t want to—”

His protest caught in his throat. Al’s grin practically lit up the room. In his arms, an exhausted and dirty Ling sighed. His clothes were rumpled, red still clinging to the crevices. Ed almost couldn’t believe it.

“So, I guess you were real after all. Greed let me go.” Ling wriggled across the floor. “You always were the charmer. What did you do, use force?”

Ed looked back at the red dust on the circle. “I promised to kill him, so he wouldn’t have to live alone.”

“I see. You were fast to act on your promise. I can’t sense him anywhere.” Despite the relief, Ed heard a twinge of sadness. Greed had been an ally and a friend in the end. He deserved his peace. Even still, he thought maybe Ling would miss him.

“I didn’t do it. Releasing you must have used the last of the power of his philosopher’s stone. He said you were the part of him that was alive.” Ed wanted to rush through all the obligatory exposition of what had happened while Ling was away. And yet, the room could have been the same if he’d found Ling just days after he’d been taken. Three years disappeared like nothing.

“I need to go call Mei and tell her you’ve found Ling.” Al shuffled his way to the door. “There’s a shop a little way down. I’ll be back. Maybe with better food than two cans of beans.”

“I’m starving.” Ling sat heavily in his chair. “Thank you, Al.”

Al very carefully didn’t glance back to Ed when he left. His brother was giving him the chance to use this time however he liked, with no added pressure of meaningful glances. If he wanted to just watch Ling and say nothing, he could.

“I have a lot of questions,” Ling stretched his legs and arms as far as they’d go. “I don’t really care about any of the answers right now.”

“What do you care about then?”

“If you were real inside of Greed, then you remember what I did?”

Ed was too exhausted to talk about feelings and possibilities and why exactly he’d spend three years fighting against the odds to pull Ling from the stone. So instead, he walked up and kissed Ling on the corner of his mouth. He kept his hands at his sides, kept his stance gentle and unaggressive. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure Ling into anything.

“Yes, my aim was off wasn’t it? I blame delirium.” Ling reached for Ed’s shoulder. His grip was not gentle or careful. Ling had been stuck inside Greed, after all. His chosen vice. This time his aim was true. His lips pressed against Ed’s, persistent even as Ed’s surprise made him unresponsive.

Ed kissed back.

They had a lot to talk about, he and Ling.

Lan Fan, Mei, the Emperor. Even, Ed was sure, Ling would want to talk about Greed and all the complications of their relationship. But right now, they did not need words.

The kiss was hungry and angry and awkward all at once. Ling’s lips were rough, dry. His body was too tired to respond, despite his wandering hands. Ed’s fingers kept running into clumps of tangles in his hair or strings of red buried in Ling’s clothes. All too soon, Ling pulled away. His eyes were bright. He grinned sheepishly at Ed and stepped back.

“This is more than I wanted, and I’m not still certain it’s not some dream Greed’s made to appease me, but I feel like I have never seen the inside of a shower. Would you mind?”

Ed hurried back three steps, his hand lingering on Ling’s arm until he couldn’t reach anymore and laughed. “I never expected everything to happen so suddenly. All your clothes are back in my apartment in Central. But I can see if Al brought something—you might have better luck with him. If you want to jump in the shower, I’m sure Al will be back soon.”

His stomach trembled, filling up the tense room with a low rumble.

Ling laughed. “Where is the shower?”

Ed gestured towards the door on the right. “Towels are in the cabinet.”

Ten minutes and a few stolen kisses later, and Ling disappeared into a warm steam. Ed pretended not to hear the broken sniffles. He couldn’t imagine how he’d react to freedom after three years locked in hell. The road to recovery would be long. Mental, physical, emotional. They’d have to take things slow, work things out as they came to it. Already Ed could see that Ling’s grasp on stability was shaky at best. How long until he fully believed Ed, and the rest of the world outside Greed, was real?

But for now Ling was back. And that was enough.

@edling-week

[hihowareyawrites]

Algebraic Notation - Ch 2

Cross Posted from my AO3

(no pairing), FMAB

Summary: Post-Promised Day, Ed and Al run into a woman in Central who bears a striking resemblance to a face from their past; through her they learn that truly, he was just a human like them.

They'd chosen a small cafe just a few blocks away from the train station. They'd come here a few times with Maes Hughes a while back, so it held a special meaning. On the shared cab ride, Ed and Al introduced themselves and properly met Selma Kimblee. After placing their orders, Ed contemplated how to speak to Selma. If she was anything like her son, she would notice anything, everything- any body language that could give away his feelings or any mood they displaced into the environment, she would notice. He would have noticed. Ed spoke first, he decided.

“So, Mrs. Kimblee...”

“Please, call me Selma. It's true I've kept the name but my husband and I divorced a long time ago.”

“Right, Ms. Selma... Do you live in Central?”

“No, I live in a small town outside of East City. When I got married, we had moved there as that's where my husband was from, but I was born in East City. My husband set up his shop there and that's where we stayed I suppose.” She stopped to thank the waitress for her tea, taking a slow sip as Ed and Al thanked the waitress for their respective orange juice and water.

“What kind of shop did he own?” Al asked her kindly.

“My husband was a tailor, primarily. But he also specialized in things like embroidery and really anything to do with textiles. That man could make anything look like it was worth double its cost.” She dropped 2 cubes of sugar into her teacup and stirred it idly. “My son- Solf- he wasn't bad at it either, but he was more inclined to put his focus into alchemy, and my husband wasn't very happy about that. He'd always say, 'who will take over this place when I'm gone?' and I would never have an answer for him...”

“Alchemy is like that, it really grabs you...” Ed recalled his own childhood filled with alchemy books, crude alchemic statues and his mothers smile. “Al and I, we started at a young age too, our mom was so proud to see what we could make.”

“Our dad, he was an alchemist, and a really good one. I think our studying it reminded our mom of him.” Al smiled warmly at her.

“I see.... forgive me for asking, did you boys lose your father...?” Ed and Al seemed taken aback at first but their quick recovery diverged into smiles not long after.

“Yeah... we did, recently.” Ed began. “But to be honest, we didn't really see him for most of our life, so I can't say we were super close....”

“Still, he did what he could for us, and that's really what matters.”

“I wish I could say the same for my husband.” Selma gripped her teacup a bit tighter. “My husband was a fairly... selfish man. After he'd decided that Solf would be of no use to him, in his own business, he expected us to have another child. And I had no issue with that, but my body didn't want to cooperate... and so he left. I would say Solf was about... seven years old.”

She unknowingly spoke directly to the part of Ed that still held resentment for his father, for leaving when they needed him. For abandoning his family. He thought for a bit.

“Did... did he hate him?”

“What?”

“Ki-... Solf, did he resent your husband... for leaving like that...”

With no attempt to hide his emotion, Ed could tell Selma read directly into what he was saying and why he said it. Al said nothing, but stared down at the glass of water in front of him intently.

“He did, at first. In time he grew to accept that sometimes, people are just selfish for their own reasons... perhaps that's why he ended up where he did.”

“You mean... in prison?” Al's tone was cautious as he approached the subject of her son's imprisonment.

“Yes... when he was deployed, to the war in Ishval, he was only 24 years old. I was against it of course, I didn't want my son going to fight. But we didn't really have a say in the matter, and...” She looked down and away, unable to meet the eyes of the Elric brothers across from her. “...the day he left for Ishval, that was the last day I ever saw my son ever again.”

They sat in silence for a while. The waitress had returned and placed their plates in front of them, but no one moved to touch it. And how could they, with an aura like this surrounding them. After a moment, Selma spoke again.

“You know I... was never told he was released from prison. While he was there, they never let me visit him or speak to him, saying it was for my own good. All this time, I thought that's where he'd be. And then I received a letter from the military, stating my son- that Solf had been released over a year ago, and that he had died in combat. After what he was imprisoned for, they took him back as a soldier again, deployed him into missions, and when he died...” Her voice began to quiver and it was obvious she was using all her strength to maintain composure. “When he died... I didn't find out until so long after. And all they could give me was this.” She reached into her purse and pulled out the familiar pocket watch. “There were no remains. Nothing for me to see or confirm. I came to Central today to retrieve all and any belongings pertinent to Solf, and this watch is all I have.” She clicked the top, and after a few presses it finally opened, the time incorrect. “And he hasn't touched it in so long, the battery is dead. I bet he hasn't seen it since the war.” She clasped the watch again and set it aside.

Ed swallowed hard. Admittedly all this time, he'd had a hard time thinking of Kimblee as a human, as person. His allying himself with the homunculus aside, there was always something about him that seemed ominous or unnatural. The way he carried himself, his uncanny attention to detail, his impressive ability of recollection. Even just the way he walked seemed fluid and thought out, like everything he did was not of this world. But still, to know he had a mother, who loved him so very much, a father who betrayed his family's trust, hobbies or goals... there was a small part of Ed that wished they could have met under better circumstances. That maybe, outside of this conflict, he had the capacity to be just a normal guy.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Al start to talk then stop. He looked over at his brother's face and could see the struggle, the emotion fluttering back and forth. To some degree though, he was appreciative of being able to see it... to see Al show emotion at all.

“M-Ms Selma...” he finally choked out, his fists were clutching the fabric of his slacks. “I have... something I need to confess to you...”

“Al-” Ed put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

“Brother please... I need to talk to her.”

Selma looked at Al with kind but curious blue eyes. Their sharp angle had reminded them of Kimblee, but they had never known him to look at anyone so kindly.

“Ma'am... I don't know how to say this in a way that... is going to make sense but...” He hesitated now and again, carefully thinking of the best way to phrase this. “I... I was there, when he- when Solf died.” His eyes rose to meet hers and found her expression unchanged, still kind, and listening. “I can't really explain what happened.... but I feel like I could have saved him. It's my fault he's not here and... I'm sorry.” His voice quivered with guilt and recollection. He didn't blame Heinkel for what he did, the spur of the moment thinking saved their lives. If he hadn't, Kimblee would have killed them for sure. But that didn't mean they had to leave him there, with Pride.

“Can I ask you something, Alphonse?”

“Of course-”

Her voice became a bit straighter now, fixed with conviction;

“Did he suffer? My son... was he....” She trailed off as Al became choked up. Against his strong will, a single tear fell into his tomato soup.

“I'm sorry... I can't say for sure, but... it was not that easy...” Al debated on sparing her feelings or being honest and felt that a lie about that would only spare her so much. The pain that he must have felt, lying there, dying slowly, alone... even for an enemy, it wasn't something Al wished on anyone. As he clenched his eyes shut and prepared for the hurt to unfold on this woman's face, he was pulled from his thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder and looked up to meet the kind eyes and warm smile of Selma.

“Alphonse, if I can't even bring myself to cry, there's no reason you should.” Al wiped his eyes and smiled back at her, thankful if only for the sense of forgiveness he felt in her maternal gaze. Her hand returned to her to grasp the handle of her teacup again and she sighed.

“My son... he did things that I don't understand. I don't think I ever will. Things that would have many assume he was a very bad man. Perhaps... that is equivalent exchange. His death was merely a reflection of his actions here.” She lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip, and lowered the cup a little to speak. “But perhaps it's the wishful thinking of a mother to think that her child isn't all bad... that the boy I raised never disappeared.”

As Ed and Al mulled over her words, she set her cup down and clapped her hands together. “Now then let's not let our food go to waste then.” With that the mood shifted and they spoke of things like alchemy, automail and learned of her own hobby in floral arrangements. Here or there she would mention Kimblee- they learned that he was rather skilled at floral arrangements himself. That it was partially what inspired his state alchemist title, Crimson Lotus. That while he kept a great deal for himself, given that he was satisfied with his unique brand of alchemy, most of the research fund given to him by the state was sent to Selma, instead.

“Ma'am,” Ed began, finishing his last bite of food. “if it's okay for me to ask, how old would Solf have been now..?” He had to admit he was a bit curious, he didn't know that much about him.

“Well, his birthday would have just passed in the beginning of July so, he would have been 31 now.”

“I see...” He didn't say aloud that he was thinking “Mom was around that age too when she....”

“You know, I do have this...” She reached into her purse and pulled out her pocketbook. Quickly she was able to access a small folded rectangle, which she unfolded and handed to Ed. “It's a bit old, from a few days before he left, but it's all I have really.”

Ed took the photograph and bent it back against the sharp crease to get a better view, and Al leaned over to look too. It was an old photo of Selma and Solf. She looked a bit younger, a bit less tired. Ed thought it was strange to see Kimblee wearing the traditional Amestrian military uniform, but he was still otherwise recognizable as himself. His expression characteristically complacent however a bit softer, a bit kinder, as he stood next to his mother, whom was a great deal shorter than him. If he stood at around 5'10, she must be only about 5'2. She seemed thinner now, as well.

“Handsome thing, he was the spitting image of his father.” She smiled and her voice turned jovial; “I was always hoping he would bring me home a grandchild some day.” She chuckled to herself and called the waitress over for another cup of tea, this time one without caffeine. Ed handed the photo back to her. “There was one girl who I thought might become my daughter in law some day, but he cut that off as soon as the Fuhrer issued Order 3066.” She accepted the cup back from the waitress with gratitude, and then noticed Ed and Al's perplexed expressions. “I'm sorry, have I said something wrong?”

“I-It's not that, we're just a bit surprised to hear that is all.” Al laughed nervously.

“Er we just thought he might be...” Selma chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

“Gay?” Both brothers laughed and nodded. “You wouldn't be the first, and I myself think that was probably half true, he just never found the time to tell me...” Her lemongrass tea bubbled from the movement of her hand then settled. “It wouldn't have mattered to me either way.”

They finished and paid their bill and departed towards the train station. “Will you be taking the train too ma'am?” Al asked her politely.

“No, there's still quite a bit I need to do here in Central. A lot of records pertaining to Solf are still here, so I'm going to be collecting them all...”

“Right... then this is goodbye then.” Ed extended his hand to her and after an unsure moment she shook it, and repeated with Al. “I'm sorry we couldn't offer you more peace of mind...”

“It's quite alright. You boys helped me plenty. If you're ever passing through East City, do feel free to stop by.”

Ed almost raised his hand in a salute before considering it and turning it into a wave instead; Al waved as well, and Selma repeated.

The Elric brothers boarded their train and took their seats and reclined as the train jostled in its departure.

After about 20 minutes Al turned to Ed. “Hey Ed...”

“Yeah?”

“Did she remind you of mom too?”

Ed had to stop for a moment to consider; he wouldn't have said it out loud before, but she did. Her undying love for her son, regardless of who he was, was something that reminded him of his own mother.

“A bit, yeah.”

“Do you think... our mom would have smiled so fondly when she thought of us?”

“...Definitely. Most definitely.”

[darkstrangevirgilanxiboi]

Reasons I Love Edward Elric

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME, I AM NAMING ANY POSSIBLE FUTURE CHILDREN AFTER THE CHARACTERS I LOVE MOST Spoilers ahead , stop here if you're not caught up !~~~~~~~~~ This is an appreciation post for my all-time favorite character in the series ( tied neatly with Ling Yao and Alphonse of course ) Edward Elric ! - Says FIGHT ME a lot but the second he's actually in a fight he's all ' oh shit they accepted I'm gonna die ' - Full stop street brawler , this kid will put you in the hospital - So kind hearted that he literally swindled his way through saving a town and pretended not to care the entire time - BIG BROTHER TO END ALL BIG BROTHERS???? I MEAN HE LITERALLY GAVE AN ARM FOR HIS BROTHER'S SOUL AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIS OWN HEART IF IT MEANT HIS BROTHER LIVED, IDEAL OLDEST SIBLING TROPE THERE NO BUT THE WAY HE LOVES AL IS MY FAVORITE THING AND I WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU EVER SUGGEST THE ELRIC BOYS COULD HATE EACH OTHER No but like seriously I cannot get enough of Ed and Al and their pure bond , I cry a lot about these brothers - SIDE NOTE HE WAS SO YOUNG WHEN HE AND AL PERFORMED HUMAN TRANSMUTATION TO TRY AND BRING BACK THEIR MOM, HE WAS ONLY LIKE 11 OR 12????!!!! SO YOUNG. One of the reasons this series resonated so strongly with me is because I lost my mom at around the same age Ed did , I also have a poor relationship with my father , and I would do anything for my siblings . Like ???? I fully understand how hard the pain of losing a parent is , and how it's worsened by the surviving parent being distant ( even though it wasn't Hohenheim's fault ) Bruh I lost my mom when I was 9 and if alchemy existed in our reality ??? I high-key would have tried to bring her back . Going through grief like that in childhood really changes you , but then adding in the extra trauma the boys go through???? LOSING TWO LIMBS, THE PHYSICAL BODY OF YOUR BROTHER, AND FAILING HORRIFICALLY TO RESURRECT YOUR MOTHER ALL AT ONCE????? Ed my poor baby He's so strong despite all of the trauma and I love him so much ???? He's a HUGE influence on me actually - Smol ( not at the end of the series but for most of it !) bean - Literally wears his signature snazzy red coat because he thinks red is a badass color ( it is !) - Worries 24/7 about other people more than himself - NO BUT LIKE WHEN HE AND LING GOT LITERALLY EATEN ALIVE ED WAS 100% MORE WORRIED ABOUT AL THAN HIMSELF - When he finds out Scar killed Winry's parents, he's shocked and furious but doesn't kill him, and later on stops Winry from killing him herself because he knows that it's not the right path and that revenge isn't necessarily good - LING. LINGGGGG. HE NEVER STOPS BEING FRIENDS WITH LING EVEN WHEN LING GETS RECKLESS AND BECOMES A HOMUNCULUS, ED STILL STAYS BEST BROS WITH LING AND I JUST??? I JUST LOVE THIS FRIENDSHIP - Adopts half the people who've tried to murder him and becomes their friend ( Edward Elric was Steven Universe-ing before Steven Universe ) Most notably he adopted two chimera guys ( human animal hybrids) that had tried to kill him and then later saved his life ( it was a complicated situation , they helped Ed get un-impaled ) and they become fairly crucial in the last boss battle later on - His relationship with Roy Mustang , adoptive father figure extraordinaire Like Roy is THE reason none of the top brass military guys found out Ed and Al performed illegal alchemy and he comes up with all the cover stories and excuses in the book ( you have a future as a con artist Roy , but you have to be the leader of Amestris so save that for retirement ) . Like Ed bickers endlessly with Roy but they both respect each other so much and worry about each other a lot and they are family ???? - WINRY ROCKBELL. WINRY. ROCKBELL. W I N R Y. R O C K B E L L. HIS ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER IS JUST SO ORGANIC AND RAW AND REALISTIC AND YES, THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE A LOVE STORY. Ed has so much obvious respect for her from the very beginning - literally making special trips to visit her whenever his automail is damaged because he KNOWS that nobody can fix it like she can ? Even though there's probably lots of other automail mechanics , it's always Winry for Ed. He trusts her and only her! And the way he looks at her , the way he worries about her and tries his damnedest to keep her out of harm's way , the gentle way he speaks to her when she's most vulnerable .... I love how much he loves her. It's beautiful and sweet and so so pure. - He tries really hard not to kill anyone even if they're trying to kill him??? He's got such high value for life and I love him for it - His sheer determination???? LIKE THE STRENGTH IT MUST HAVE TAKEN AFTER ALL HE SUFFERED TO KEEP GOING IS JUST.IT'S STAGGERING. - He's a genius but he's also very down to earth ??? Like he's actually very very VERY smart but plays it off like it's NOTHING! But he could read high level alchemy texts as a child well enough to actually try and succeed in performing alchemy !( and so did Al!) Pretty sure your average six year old couldn't do that. And he comes up with battle strategies on the fly , alters his alchemy within seconds of learning new information , uses experimental techniques often , and is THE YOUNGEST STATE ALCHEMIST EVER IN AMESTRIS. He's skilled enough that when he's stuck on a train hijacked by terrorists and Roy hears about it , Roy laughs . ' Fullmetal's on that train . We can go home early , boys. They don't stand a chance. ' And Roy was RIGHT! Ed and Al take down a group of armed terrorists with barely a scratch . And other military officials see Ed the same way! Like no one's ever worried that Ed might lose a fight, they're just worried he'll get hurt winning . ( okay Winry is worried he might lose but don't tell him that ) He's a prodigy and so many people respect him ??? - SUCCESSFULLY BOUND HIS BROTHER'S SOUL TO ARMOR This is a very rare technique and incrediblely hard to do. It takes most alchemists years of study and training to even attempt alchemizing souls. And Ed did it on his first try while in a HUGE amount of pain and suffering severe blood loss. - He always tries to learn from other people Ed always tries to keep growing and changing his view of the world and never belittles other cultures or beliefs ( except in the case of Leto , but that religion was a fraud and Ed knew it ) - Tries hard to better lives with his alchemy and devotes his life to helping people who've suffered due to alchemy - Makes the best faces - OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT THE ONLY TIMES HE CRIED IN CANON WERE RIGHT AFTER THE TRANSMUTATION THING HAPPENS AND HE'S SO AFRAID THAT AL MIGHT HATE HIM BECAUSE AL LOST HIS BODY AND ED BLAMED HIMSELF, AND WAS SO UPSET OVER IT THAT HE CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP FOR DAYS OVER IT. AND THE SECOND TIME HE CRIES IN CANON IS IN THE LAST BOSS BATTLE SCENE, AFTER THE ENEMY IS DEFEATED AND AL HAS BEEN BOLD AND RECKLESS AND SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO GET ED'S ARM BACK FROM THE TRUTH GUY, AND ED IS DESPERATE TO GET AL BACK AND HOHENHEIM OFFERS HIMSELF AS THE TOLL TO OPEN THE GATE. HERE HE IS, DISTRAUGHT AND WOUNDED AND E WEARY AND AFRAID HE MIGHT NEVER SEE HIS BROTHER AGAIN, AND THE FATHER THAT'S BEEN ABSENT SO LONG IS SUDDENLY SAYING TO HIM' YOU AND YOUR BROTHER ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS THINGS IN MY LIFE, LET ME GIVE MY LIFE TO BRING HIM BACK. ' Because Hohenheim left to protect them , to try and save everyone he loved , because he was afraid of what would happen if 'Father' found his weakness . ( don't touch me , I cry often over poor Hohenheim ) And Ed cries because he's barely just getting to know his father and his father is proving that he does care. - That thing he does where he closes his eyes and grins really wide ( not sure if he got it from Ling or not , but I live for this cute habit of his ) - That Mood he gets in whenever somebody is stupid enough to threaten Al Enemy : Hey uh I'm gonna kidnap your brother Ed : HOW ABOUT YOU CATCH THESE FISTS INSTEAD Literally exactly how I get when someone upsets or hurts my siblings - Super thoughtful of Al and how he feels , especially after Al gets his body back??? Ed mothers Al so much after that and it warms my bitter heart 'Al are you sure you can walk this far ??? You're still on crutches ' ' BROTHER I'm FINE.' ' Did you eat enough ??? Did you eat too much ? Are you sleeping okay ? You look tired , sit down !' ' BROTHER ' - Puts other people first a lot - Even when he's injured really bad he's always more worried about someone else I mean ???? ( Hufflepuff Ed FTW ) - Super awkward around Winry whenever she's fixing up his automail and it's the cutest thing Like at one point he flips out because he suddenly becomes intensely aware of Winry holding his automail hand and the fact that he has his shirt off and it's just a nice reminder that yes , he is indeed 15. - Probably hasn't punched everything that's ever upset Al or Winry but by God he's TRYING - Wise ??? He says a lot of really wise things in the manga and I love it Like when Winry was trying to kill Scar , Ed takes the gun from her hands very gently and slowly and says to her ' Your hands aren't meant for hurting people. They're for helping people live. ' And that was exactly what she needed to hear at the moment and Ed meant it with all his heart. - BEST BIG BROTHER TO EVER BIG BROTHER I'M JUST SAYING

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ sent a DREAM:

The images are blurry but there's a boy dressed in black and red with his arms stuck behind his back. He's on his knees and he's looking right at him.

"s'okay." He says, there's panic in voice that's desperately trying to stay calm. "sokay, yer gunna be okay."

Everything feels like it's moving too slow and too fast all at once. The boy's face is blurred out excluding the bright golden hair that frames it.

"Don't be scared. s'all gunna be okay. Yer gunna be aw'ight. I promise. I promise yer gunna be aw'ight."

It's bright suddenly, so bright that it's hard to look directly into the light.....and the boy's voice - it's gone.

it’s so fuzzy.  his head aches and he’s kept against the floor - there is nothing above him as he stares except for a blurry black void and now a blurry figure of someone calling out to him - someone so very familiar, someone that makes his heart soar to see but collapse to hear. 

don’t be scared ? don’t be scared of what ?  he doesn’t have any control over his body - everything simply throbs as he tries to adapt to this environment, the sea of dreams never having been enough to prepare him for this. 

something in him wants to respond with fear. with the “ i love you ” that he’s read in books following the sacrifice of another. with that goodbye that always is followed by chapters of GRIEF.

who is this ? why does he feel this way ? what’s going ON ?!

the light blinds him for that moment, but all too quickly, it fades, leaving him floating in the abyss once again. there’s something lurking - something that grabs at his hands, that tries to get him to focus again. it’s warm. it’s so very warm, and it hugs him.

“ can’t lettit happen ‘gain ...  can’t ever lettit happen ‘gain. don’ let e’iher’a them get y’ this time. run. run from th’ demon. he’s waitin’. find’im ... find’im. ”

find him find him find him find him FIND HIM.

he shoots up from his bed. there’s sweat coating him and his throat feels like its full of cotton - he can’t BREATHE.  his chest is so, so tight. in and out, edward. calm your heart. don’t overload yourself - IN AND OUT.  his eyes are darting around for any sort of focus - where are his glasses ? oh, there they are, right on the nightstand where he left them - before they settle on the image of his clock.  2 ... is that 2 ? yes - 2:34 am. it’s ... it’s far too early, right. haiden’s still asleep ... it was just a nightmare. 

just a nightmare ... that’s all it is. just a nightmare ...  they’ll be leaving for resembool soon. he’s just nervous because they’re getting ready ... that’s all it is. but ...  no ... no it can’t. that voice.

find him ... he ... 

fuck, it hurts. it hurts so, so much ... 

when will the pains stop ? his leg wasn’t damaged in that accident, so why does it hurt so much ?

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​​ || they need to talk.

he’s been thinking about it ever since he first arrived to help his brother after he called, but ... man, this place is big. it’s becoming all the more clear as he sits himself down on the floor, trying to keep at (mostly) eye level with luna.  it really goes to show how differently their lives have played out.  and yet, here they are, drawn to eachother through the bonds of their complicated souls. what a world.

“ it’s ... about both, really.  ”

viridian soulfire. it suits him.  those “eyes” are what bore into luna’s own as he tries to compose himself.

“ alphonse and i ... we were talking, last night. trying to fill the silence, mostly. he told me about what you said to him, luna. the white demon. you saw it, didn’t you ? you saw sol’s hair going white. ”

he pauses. his helmet tilts down as he stares at his own hands.  if he had a body, he’s sure the fear would be evident on his face. the memories of that thing ...  even now, it has a devastating effect.

“ ... i-it got to you, too, didn’t it, luna ?  it hurt you. just like it hurt me. ”

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ | the first thing he noticed.

"Yer attitude." He sounds with an automail hand to his hip. "Yer piss poor self deprecatin' attitude Sol. You pissed m' off. You pissed m' off so fuckin' much 'coz I saw m'self n' I hated it. I saw the person I was tryin' so hard not ta be. I saw gold eyes n' no fire n' it made me mad.

We looked the same but different but there was no life in yer eyes n' it made me mad. You were still livin' life without love n' thinkin' you weren't worth it n' I couldn't jus' stay there n' watch. I ain't that kinda guy. I was drawn ta you. Ev'n when you were standin' there yellin' at m' I nev'r wanted ta hit you, I wanted ta help you.

You were a dyin' sun n' it was painful ta watch, so I jus' decided not ta watch n' ta do sum'hin' 'bout it instead." He shrugs. "That's jus' how I am I guess."

his “piss poor self deprecatin’ attitude”, huh ?  in all honesty, he’s not shocked that’s what luna noticed. in their first little conversation with eachother - that little spat when luna pushed his buttons and he held his ground - it became clear just how much he’d buried. how much he’d tried to hide out of fear.  he tried to mask, but masking doesn’t work when he wears his heart on his sleeve. it was another edward elric that he confronted - who did he think he could fool ? 

... and yet ... that focus from his other half meant everything.  “i nev’r wanted ta hit you, i wanted ta help you.” it’s so simple, but it encompasses everything regarding his own fear of vulnerability. his self destructive behavior, the abuse - not injury, ABUSE - he’d suffered at the hands of a person he’d seen as a brother, and the continuous spirals he put himself in by shutting other people out of his life because he never wanted them to see him for who he really is.

a terrified child who just sought the love that was torn from him too early in life.

he calls the version of himself that he met all those months ago a “dyin’ sun.” it’s not a stretch to say he was on his very last legs when he met him - practically everything was pulling at him in every direction, with the only thing guiding him away from completely giving up being a living hell created by none other than the demon that broke him down, time and time again.

luna is the one to have DONE SOMETHING. luna is the one to have PUSHED HIS WAY INSIDE and finally free him from the shadow bindings, and luna is the one to have WELCOMED HIM INTO HIS LIFE with the unspoken promise of care and love and a HOME.  luna is the one to help him feel like a person again - not a prisoner. 

his moon is loving. his moon is nurturing. his moon burns with a cold flame, ever-present so long as the sun is there to provide light for him to thrive. 

there are tears welling at his eyes thinking back on it all, but not once does he let a single one fall. instead, a deep FIRE stirs in the pool of ancient strength that makes up his entire being -  a spark of destined confidence and current LOVE that allows the sonatina of his heart to call right back to the winter prinz bathed in moonlit gold that quite literally saved his life.

there is nothing that will ever be able to challenge the emotions that flood from his spirit for HIS LUNA, not for as long as he remains alive.

[auricbound]

                                       SOL’S DRAWINGS. 

as a coping mechanism, edward immortalizes memories and emotions into art, littered throughout his personal notebook. a lot of these are doodles among notes upon notes, often paired with his thoughts in the moments he draws.  edward is deeply embarrassed of this habit. he will only share his drawings with people he trusts, and even then, he will be extremely sensitive about comments regarding them.  his art gives insight to his absolutely damaged mind.

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ has a gift:

"Sol I - " He sounds clutching something in his hands as he approaches his other. " I - c'meme." Still in Resembool. They've been away from each other for decent chunks of time in the day with Grandma needing to see Sol for adjustments and lessons in how his new arm and leg would function. She's been checking him over to get a better handle on his injuries and have private discussions about his condition.

Because of this, it gave Edward plenty of time to work on the object in his hands. He closes the gap between them, raising his hands to come behind his sun's neck and clip something there. Stepping back a small crystal hangs, a small blueish moon glowing faintly from it's center.

"I made it fer ya when you were with Grams. It glows if you let it soak up the sunlight. I jus', I want ya ta always have a light in the dark so I made a moon you can keep with ya always."

he’d needed a lot of technical care. it wasn’t just a matter of the beatdown. this was a long time overdue in regards to his metal limbs - briggs was only the start of it all. carson could only do so much to his machinery without understanding the inner complexities of rockbell automail design.  minor fixes after minor fixes ... but none of them could restore his limbs back to the state they NEEDED to be in.  months, he’s been like this, unable to perform his own maintenance on himself because he’d simply forgotten how to. months he’d been walking with his leg off-center because he’d just outgrown it. months he hasn’t been able to TRANSMUTE his own arm or even move the fingers properly.

he is far from what edward elric should be.  but is he even edward anymore ?  he’s been going by edwin now. edwin lucas elric. the lost twin brother of edward william elric - though ... that is simply just a disguise. no, his name - his true name - is sol. it will ALWAYS be sol. from the moment it left his other’s lips, it just felt ... right. it felt warm. it felt SAFE. he is sol, and he will always be luna’s sun, no matter the struggles he faces.  no matter how disfigured his body gets. 

his moon explains the precious item placed around his neck. a crystal that will directly benefit from his tendency to bathe in the light. a crystal gifted by the MOON, containing a piece of his strength.  light in the dark.  a way to keep the sun safe even when the darkest depths threaten to consume him whole again. a way to keep him from being blackened by fear. a way to KEEP HIS MOON IN HIS THOUGHTS, NOW AND FOR ETERNITY. 

this is more than just precious. it’s BLESSED. a blessed item, one that he feels terrified to touch with his flesh fingers but clutches anyway. his moon has gifted him this.  does luna KNOW how his wounded heart flutters at this ? does he KNOW how with every waking moment, the sun will lay down his own life, just to keep him safe ? does he KNOW how much his very core sounds out in joyous fear at this act of LOVE ?  ... he’s sure that he does.  because at the deepest levels, they will always be connected.  he’s wordless as his eyes practically glisten with tears. 

there’s something so deeply familiar about all this. as if they’ve done this exact thing before, hundreds of times. as if the moon has offered a symbol of pure, unwavering matrimony to him time and time again. but no matter how he tries to recall it all, it fades away as his focus falls to his moons eyes again. those eyes that are perfectly hypnotic, always drawing him in. those eyes that are reflections of his own. 

“ l-lun’ ... i-i ... i love it. i love it. thank y’. oh m’ god this is - ‘s so ... ”

he trails off, but the sentiment is the same. perfect. it’s perfect. instinctively, he pulls luna into his arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek before nestling his head into his shoulder. the smell of smoke and oil consumes his thoughts. his heart is practically flying, but he feels as if he could run miles. there’s such an indescribable sense of exhilaration going through him and it’s PERFECT.

it just feels so right.

[auricbound]

Pastel Meme: E1 - Moon Boy D2 - Sun Boy ((they're twinning again ))

outfit meme ~ | slow, but accepting!

god i love our modern boys ........

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ submitted a list !

How to Care for 1 Sol:

2 meals a day preferably 3 (extended cuddle time may prevent this)

Hugs at least 3 times a day

when reading stories use voices

When Sunny presents, simply adjust as needed (If you can't handle it get Moony)

Acceptable activities for Sunny: Dancing, games, puzzles, hide and go seek, etc, painting (Moony is a voluntary canvas)

Cheesecake now and then because happy tummies are just important as happy people

Daily Naps now required. (Cuddle time is a must)

Nest time required; don't let stay up all night - can bait to the nest with promise of cuddles

Affirmations needed; Psychical affection required (hugs, forehead kisses, etc)

"Ev'ry Day Forward, Ev'ry Day Stronger, Ev'ry Day Better, Ev'ry Day I love you."

“ y’ make m’ sound like i’m some kind’a cryptid insomniac with how many times sleepin’ an’ cuddle time is mentioned. ”

he says that, but it’s all INCREDIBLY accurate. 

meanwhile sunny is just giggling from inside his own mental bubble. moony knows him really well !! hide and go seek is a FAVORITE. no one knows them better than moony !!

[auricbound]

Eyes to the floor. Shame in his expression. Hurt....depression. It's radiating in his heart. He's chewing on his bottom lip before he speaks. There's tears threatening to fall but it's them and only them. No one is around to hear from the safety of what has become their room and their bed.

"I...wanna know...Sol....why ya....left m'."

@alchemic-elric | what do you want to know? | accepting.

tangled limbs and hushed words. the twins are buried deep in their safe place, sun and moon hidden away where no one dare threaten them, never again.  this room is their HAVEN. this nest is their HOME.

there’s a pull on his heart, though. it is home only because luna has allowed it to be. it is home because he, by some miracle, never lost nest privileges after his utterly stupid action - one that they still hadn’t talked about, be it out of fear or pain. so when that tug on their bond happens, when those tears start welling up - oh, god, he knows. it is the only thing to prepare him for this conversation that they’ve avoided for weeks - no, months now.

he said he’d never leave. he promised he wouldn’t. and then he did anyways. there’s not much he can remember from that hellish week. he’s attributing that to getting beaten senseless, of course, but ... even despite how much damage he sustained, the promise still rings true.

he remembers the argument with verna that made his little balancing board break in half. he remembers the uncontrollable spiral that threatened to kill not just himself, but luna, alphonse, and humility, too.  it’s always after a meltdown that he does stupid things. he’s self-destructive, ignorant to the world around him. ignorant to how he makes others hurt until he’s driven all of them away or until it’s TOO LATE.

luna wants to know why he left. why he would break his promise.  and though it’s not said ... he can just feel it. he can just read it. 

as gently as he could possibly be, the sun goes to hold his moon’s hand, his metal thumb rubbing into the palm of his other half. his other hand goes to hold his own precious item - the necklace that glows a faint blue above his heart.  it’s time to make it all clear.

“ ... i was bein’ stupid.  there was a lotta shit goin’ through my brain then. i know y’ don’ ... go numb - y’ can’t, really - so y’ probably won’ be able t’ fully get what ‘m sayin’. ‘ll try m’ best t’ explain it. after i got - turned back int’ m’ again. an’ i rushed t’ help y’. i know y’ felt it lun’ - m’ heart ... everythin’ was fuzzy f’ me. it didn’ feel right. tha’s how i am after a meltdown. m’ emotions, m’ will t’ care ‘bout things that should matter an’ i KNOW should matter ...

it all goes away for a while. i ... usually ... takes me ‘bout two weeks t’ fully come outta it. at minimum. if - i f i rush it, or someone rushes m’, i ...  i get selfish. i get stupid. i get dumber than a bag’a rocks an’ think everythin’ would be better ‘f i wasn’ around ‘cause ’m a fuckin’ suicidal bastard, lun’.

i hate gettin’ like that. but - all those voices, everythin’ pushin y’ because y’ took m’ in, everythin’ that happened t’ y’ with humility ‘cause i managed t’ run int’ y’ ...  all th’ pain y’ were feelin’ ‘cause’a shit that wouldn’t have happened ‘f i wasn’ ‘round ... an’ the pushin’ of those grey bastards ... it was pushin’ me int’ “recovery” faster than i should’a been. i - i couldn’ handle it.  i don’ think i even remembered where i was anymore. all i could remember was that - i was the one causin’ problems. m’ existence is what brought all those fuckers there. in some dumb fuckin’ move i thought - i thought goin’ away would make them go ‘way too. my dumbass decided t’ make an assumption about how y’ would feel when i was in a state i COULDN’ feel shit in. ”

“ there ... there’re no excuses f’ what i did, lun’. only explanations. this shit - ‘s MY FAULT, utterly an’ completely. ‘m the one who asked th’ general t’ “go home” which killed y’ an’ nearly killed m’ several times. ‘m the one who let th’ general tell vern’ on his own and didn’ think t’ ask vern if he told y’ where we were goin’ at all. they were complicit but i was th’ fuckin’ source.

‘s not your fault. ‘s mine. it wasn’ because y’ had one’a your bad days that i left - it was ‘cause th’ depressed n’ damaged part’a me that leads after a meltdown couldn’ cope with all of m’ own stupid guilt. 

i broke m’ promise t’ y’ and i don’ expect forgiveness f’ it.

i hurt y’ an’ there’s no goin’ back from that. y’ did everythin’ y’ could t’ help m’ after reachin’ out and findin’ that fuckin’ mess’a emotions n’ i went an’ broke that promise that i KNEW the weight of. ‘ve got NO EXCUSE.

... bein’ separated from y’, nearly dyin’ ... feelin’ y’ respond t’ m’ calls even after what i did. tha’s ... tha’s what helped m’ break through. feelin’ our bond again.  i didn’ know how serious it was until then when it was so fuckin’ obvious.  tha’s ... tha’s why i started workin’ on that bracelet. why i kept it hidden until i finished it. i didn’ want it t’ be an apology.  i wanted it t’ be somethin’ special f’ y’ after i went through everythin’ i needed t’ in order t’ be able t’ hold y’ ‘gain like we do now every night. 

i was drownin’ in guilt but i wasn’ gonna subject y’ t’ that. not after i already did it once. it was m’ fault this shit happened but leavin’ was a dumb fuckin’ impulsive decision made without considerin’ anythin’ in th’ world ‘round me. 

i love y’ so much, lun’. more than ‘ve ever loved a’yone n’ m’ life. y’ mean everythin’ t’ me.  so i don’ want y’ t’ ever think that y’ deserved th’ hurt i caused y’, alright ? it wasn’ your fault. ”

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ asked:

Luna wants: ✘: forehead kisses + #: shaky hands

sickness scenarios. | accepting. 

he’s so shaky today.  coming out of his corner, there was an overwhelming pull from some part of his mind. some sort of response to try and bring him out of the hollow void of thoughts he’d stuck himself in - a NEED to attend to his moon, despite what he’d overheard in his conversation with their father. 

he may have the potential to hurt luna, but right now ...  all the sun wishes is to care for and SOOTHE him. 

he comes in quietly. his voice is small when he reaches the bedside, a shaky hand against his shoulder - luna can absolutely feel that and he knows, but this isn’t about him right now - entirely for support as he does some check overs. 

“ h-hey. h-how ‘re y’ feelin’ ? y’ can talk in th’ connection if y’ want. ‘m jus’ ... ”

care for him. love him. you haven’t been a good enough sun so make it up for him. put your work in. 

there’s a deep breath as he tries to swallow down a distressed sigh. push through the noise. just push through it, edward. 

“ ...��‘wanna b’ here f’ y’, n’ matter what happens. i-i ... ‘m sorry - ‘f i haven’t ... b-been doin’ - doin’ well with that. ”

internally, he’s cursing at himself. first he lays down wallowing in his own depression, next he hides away in a random part of the house, and now he does this.  none of his brain is making ANY SENSE now. it doesn’t make sense and he HATES it. 

“ e-everythin’s b-been w-weird since what chióni d-did - so ... ‘m j-jus’ tryin’ to get m’ head on straight so i can help. i love y’. always love y’. ”

his living hand reaches to caress his cheek. despite the fact his moon might be sick, he presses a gentle kiss to his forehead - something he hasn’t done enough of, nor will he ever.  he is here to care. to console. to soothe.  the sun must burn. 

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ gave a DREAM.

He waits. He waits in the realm all their own for the other to appear and gold eyes light up like the full moon he named for when white fabric flows into the space between them. Slow he rises.

"O Sol, pós se perímena." and he drips to lift the other's hand so he may kiss the sun shaped ring that rests upon his finger. "An epitrépsete énan choró, tha akolouthoúsa ton Vasiliá Mou."

There is a smile on his lips as he rises from his bow. The sun is high in the sky above them, the stars sparkling in the lake below. "Aníko se eséna, ton ílio mou, parakaló kathodígisé me ti chári sou."

gently, the moon breathes beneath him. gently do they link their limbs together in the absence of their automail. no matter what may happen in the world around them, they keep themselves bound to eachother, the gentle glow of the necklace that’s been gifted to him buried underneath the moon himself as he listens to his heart. his own is beating fast. he’s not completely asleep yet because he’s taking in everything at once - the sounds, the smells, the FEELINGS. 

but beneath him, the moon sleeps.

so he follows suit as the realm of unconsciousness pulls him back in, bringing him to the space forgotten in waking.

sandals. they press gently against the surface of the lake beneath the two of them as his dress flows down his legs, an eternally flowing river. he practically descends back into this world, but not once does he sink as the other waits for him to finally readapt to their brightened kingdom. 

at long last, his heart flutters. at long last does the wind around them SWIRL despite the fact they had lost this beautiful land of theirs to time’s destructive hands. even with the way vines overtake their walls and trees blot out the sky above around their lake, he finds himself so pleased.  truly, they are timeless.

oh, how he missed his queen’s voice. it feels like it’s been EONS since that lovely language they’d learned together had returned to his ears.

“ o luna, agápi mou, me chaláseis. ”

the king bows ever so slightly as he listens. his own heart beats uncontrollably when lips press to his ring - the symbol of his entire being, of his very soul - and eyes fixate back on his own with a smile to pair with them.  bless the gods, he is so weak for his queen. does he even know that ? he’ll say it again, over and over, if he needs to. he’ll dance as long as he needs to get that point across as he pledges himself in his entirety to the moon. 

“tha ímoun timí na igithó, vasílissa mou. epitrépste mou na se latrévo pánta kai gia pánta. ”

a single step forward is all it takes for him to place one hand onto his moon’s shoulder and the other with his moon’s own. the symphony of their hearts melded with the baritone of twilight is such a beautifully haunting combination. the world around them twirls. 

“ se agapó, to fengári mou. s 'agapó tóso polý. den tha eícha zísei poté chorís eséna. ésoses ti zoí mou, glykó fengári. eísai ta pánta gia ména. ”

their feet begin to move as he speaks. their dance has begun, and with it, the sun lets his love spill from his very chest while their focus falls into a strange trance.

oh, how he loves his moon.

[auricbound]

He's running his fingers through his hair as his other lays on his chest. The demon got out yesterday and he had to knock him out, so he's whispering apologizes while they lay there. It's been a long past few days with everything that's happened and they have to get ready to go to Resembool tomorrow. It'll be a long time. He knows Sol has to be nervous. "Hey." He whispers. "Ev'ry day I love you. It'll be okay. Jus' sleep fer now."

the pressure of his headache has been slowly lifting the longer he lays, the longer he breathes. they’ve switched their positions entirely in light of recent events - the sun listens to the moon’s heartbeat, all to help let the reality of what he is sink in without his fantasies trying to pull him back. he has an incomplete heart. there’s nothing he can do about that. he’s alive, and he’s with luna and his FAMILY, now. he’s safe. he’s home. 

there’s a soft breath that gets let out when luna’s fingers rub against that one SPECIFIC spot on his head. not close to where he was knocked out at, but just up enough that the sensation shifts from pain to an uncontrollable wave of comfort.  if his eyes weren’t closed yet, they certainly were now. there’s a gentle hum, too, but he doesn’t really process that it’s coming from his throat until he’s already falling into unconsciousness, any sort of concerns leaving his mind entirely as the rhythm of the moon’s heart lures him away.

they’re going to resembool, but it’ll be okay. they’ll be safe so long as they’re together. so sleep he will, the tiger’s purr growing louder as he nuzzles against the rabbit that comforts him.

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ || the moon is reaching for him.

he’s not saying anything. the other him isn’t saying anything.  as his arms fall downward and the cat is let free, he can only watch as the other edward performs a myriad of strange movements, of which he can only tilt his head to the side in response. 

“ brother, what’s wrong ? are you hurt ? can you say something ?? ” alphonse. he’s been through this, with alphonse.  even though its not the same motions that he uses, they’re similar enough for him to realize.  where sol presses against the sides of his face, trying to open his mouth by force, the other him is pulling away his v o i c e. he’s trying to say something, but he can’t. 

what does he need ? snuffles is already moving up to approach the boy’s lap, but what can he do ? he’s just - he doesn’t know how to get a voice back. he doesn’t even know how to get his own voice back, it just sort of ... happens. “ brother, focus on me, okay ? can you show me what you need me to do ? ”  ... he does.. watch everything that the other you does, don’t miss a single second.

carefully, he steps forward. he can feel the monster in him yelling, but he ignores it yet again. the other edward wants to hold his hand, he thinks. that’s - that’s the only way he’s able to piece that together.  he hopes that he didn’t just misinterpret it. a part of him feels like it would cry if it made him hurt. the left hand is reaching out, so he meets it with his right, as small and fragile as it feels.  ... AND THE WORLD CRIES OUT.

the full body shivers are intense. he can feel it - a burning fire, deep in his chest - wringing his organs dry. for a brief moment, the world goes dark.  he attempts to scream, but nothing is let out.  but this - this isn’t right. this doesn’t ... it doesn’t feel like him.  there’s so much swirling right now,  and the boy nearly staggers in response, kept up only by the grip he has on his other’s hand.  is this what he was feeling ? is this why his heart has been aching so much right now ?

“ h-hey ... h-hey, ‘s okay. ‘s okay - i-i’ll stay, promise - ”

there is no question about his next motions, now. within a matter of seconds, the child that’s barely even four feet tall is wrapping his arms around the much BIGGER him, pressing in a lot of his body weight as the cat from earlier nuzzles against the both of them.  this - this was the moon. he was the moon, he could feel it.  his moon’s NAME flashes through his memory, just once, and it sticks like glue.

“ n-not leavin’ luna, i-i promise - ‘s okay. ”