#blackened sun tag pending

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ is trying to hide away by himself.

“ stop that. stop lyin’. i can tell y’ lyin’, moony. greeny told m’ a’yone who lies t’ me ‘s gettin’ their bones turned ta juice. i don’ wan’im t’ make ya juice, so m’ stayin’ ‘ere till ya don’ lie ta me. ”

what a stubborn little man.  as ... strange as the bone juice comment is, it’s somehow still so much more inappropriate than “stealing your toes.” no matter the age, he always somehow finds the way to say the wrong things at the worst of times. regardless, he sits down on the floor, looking straight at luna. the red wool blanket is out in front of him. 

“ ... big me ‘s also sayin’ that y’ should have this. felt a lotta him screamin’ at m’ t’ bring it. dunno why i can feel’im so much this time ... but ‘e’s worried ‘bout ya, moony. ”

[charitybornarc]

“ use her preserved tissue as a means of building her genetics ...  supply the rest by means of creating the building blocks with alchemy ... ”

... her hands are bleeding from the nails as she keeps running them over the stone of her floor, harder and harder. it all creates a haunting circle, over and over again. every action, every single breath, every single WORD ...  it’s all crazed. are her eyes brown ? she doesn’t know. the last time she looked in a mirror, they weren’t, and she broke it out of fear. the shards are still embedded in her feet, and blood is pouring out from them. but it doesn’t ... it doesn’t hurt. 

things that should hurt just don’t. things that she should feel ... she just CAN’T. 

“ gotta bring laur back, n’ matter what ... ” “ don’ worry, dad, i won’t mess up th’ equations ... i won’t ... promise. ”

her hands are too shaky to create a proper array, but every time she marks it down completely, she never once activates it. 

it all just repeats.

[auricbound]

“ brother ... come on. hold onto my arm, i don’t care.  you’ll need help to move around, anyway. just ... can you knock at the door, or is your arm still too sore ? ”

“ y - yeah ... th-think i can. jus’ ... g-gemme closer. ”

it’s embarrassing that he’s having such trouble just ... standing. his automail leg - currently known as the GOOD LEG - practically slams against the floor beneath him as he tries to keep his balance. thank god verna’s there to keep his other hand in front of him, just in case.  he’d really hate falling on his fucking face while knocking.  he’s already pathetic enough.

“ there you go, that’s good. lean against me for now, okay ?    one of them should be at least awake. it’ll all be fine, brother.        i can’t see them being outwardly mad at you, not right now.           i won’t let them yell. ”

“ ... y-yeah.       th-thanks, vern. love ya. ”

“ ... i love ya too, brother. ”

now, they wait.

[auricbound]

yeah so i drew how goldie’s gonna be looking like for the next few weeks or so ,,,,, everyone is free to yell at luitumi for doing this shit to him

[auricbound]

@alchemic-elric​ has a gift:

"Sol I - " He sounds clutching something in his hands as he approaches his other. " I - c'meme." Still in Resembool. They've been away from each other for decent chunks of time in the day with Grandma needing to see Sol for adjustments and lessons in how his new arm and leg would function. She's been checking him over to get a better handle on his injuries and have private discussions about his condition.

Because of this, it gave Edward plenty of time to work on the object in his hands. He closes the gap between them, raising his hands to come behind his sun's neck and clip something there. Stepping back a small crystal hangs, a small blueish moon glowing faintly from it's center.

"I made it fer ya when you were with Grams. It glows if you let it soak up the sunlight. I jus', I want ya ta always have a light in the dark so I made a moon you can keep with ya always."

he’d needed a lot of technical care. it wasn’t just a matter of the beatdown. this was a long time overdue in regards to his metal limbs - briggs was only the start of it all. carson could only do so much to his machinery without understanding the inner complexities of rockbell automail design.  minor fixes after minor fixes ... but none of them could restore his limbs back to the state they NEEDED to be in.  months, he’s been like this, unable to perform his own maintenance on himself because he’d simply forgotten how to. months he’d been walking with his leg off-center because he’d just outgrown it. months he hasn’t been able to TRANSMUTE his own arm or even move the fingers properly.

he is far from what edward elric should be.  but is he even edward anymore ?  he’s been going by edwin now. edwin lucas elric. the lost twin brother of edward william elric - though ... that is simply just a disguise. no, his name - his true name - is sol. it will ALWAYS be sol. from the moment it left his other’s lips, it just felt ... right. it felt warm. it felt SAFE. he is sol, and he will always be luna’s sun, no matter the struggles he faces.  no matter how disfigured his body gets. 

his moon explains the precious item placed around his neck. a crystal that will directly benefit from his tendency to bathe in the light. a crystal gifted by the MOON, containing a piece of his strength.  light in the dark.  a way to keep the sun safe even when the darkest depths threaten to consume him whole again. a way to keep him from being blackened by fear. a way to KEEP HIS MOON IN HIS THOUGHTS, NOW AND FOR ETERNITY. 

this is more than just precious. it’s BLESSED. a blessed item, one that he feels terrified to touch with his flesh fingers but clutches anyway. his moon has gifted him this.  does luna KNOW how his wounded heart flutters at this ? does he KNOW how with every waking moment, the sun will lay down his own life, just to keep him safe ? does he KNOW how much his very core sounds out in joyous fear at this act of LOVE ?  ... he’s sure that he does.  because at the deepest levels, they will always be connected.  he’s wordless as his eyes practically glisten with tears. 

there’s something so deeply familiar about all this. as if they’ve done this exact thing before, hundreds of times. as if the moon has offered a symbol of pure, unwavering matrimony to him time and time again. but no matter how he tries to recall it all, it fades away as his focus falls to his moons eyes again. those eyes that are perfectly hypnotic, always drawing him in. those eyes that are reflections of his own. 

“ l-lun’ ... i-i ... i love it. i love it. thank y’. oh m’ god this is - ‘s so ... ”

he trails off, but the sentiment is the same. perfect. it’s perfect. instinctively, he pulls luna into his arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek before nestling his head into his shoulder. the smell of smoke and oil consumes his thoughts. his heart is practically flying, but he feels as if he could run miles. there’s such an indescribable sense of exhilaration going through him and it’s PERFECT.

it just feels so right.

[auricbound]

... Goldie, how old are you?

“ m’ four !!     but ... big me’s ... fifteen ? i think ? ”

[auricbound]

How are things going for you, Sol?

a tired grumble. he’s awake, he just ... doesn’t want to talk. god, this headache sucks. it’s what he gets for not being able to control the demon, though.

[auricbound]

sunday dinner was ... nice. tense, at points, but ... nice. he didn’t really know what to expect with it all. he hasn’t - he hasn’t really eaten at a table like that in a while. not since he left alenthaal, and it’s been WEEKS since then. .... not like he can remember much of the week prior to his beatdown, but that’s neither here nor there. they’re almost halfway through the month now, he can’t be bothered to get stuck on the past anymore.

really, as sits on this bed, going over all of his notes ... his one and only concern is over the paper that rests in his lap, rolled up nice and neat.  he’d asked verna to give it to him earlier.  after all, following that TALK with both lun’ and mustang - he was more than concerned about the nature of his own heart. if brother really WAS a homunculus of truth, then ... whatever this condition is will explain why they’ve been together for so long.

some part of him hopes that he’s horribly wrong. that this theory is way off. to be so broken that he couldn’t even survive - it doesn’t make sense. even if he does have a “funny heartbeat” - something about the whole thing is just WRONG to him.  but when has he EVER liked the truth ?

deep breaths, little tiger. in and out. you are strong. you can handle this.  everyone here in this house ... they’re here to help. you’re safe. they won’t hurt you. you are SAFE.

the paper is unrolled.  and with each time he reads it over, his stomach only continues to twist more and more as he struggles to breathe, trying to PROCESS everything he’s reading. 

                 “...artificial tissue supplied by a philosopher’s stone...”                “...lethal rejection of tissue resulting in cardiac arrest...”                   “...patient should have bled out within hours of birth...                      “...a third of the heart’s natural tissue is absent...”                    “... it is my diagnosis that the patient, edward elric,                             son of trisha elric and van hohenheim,                      was born with a critical congenital heart defect. ”  

a critical congenital ... heart defect. congenital. existing from birth.  he ... he was born like this. he was born ... without a proper heart. he was born with a vital organ that should have killed him within hours of life. he was born defective.  no wonder. no fucking WONDER. 

his hands go up to the sides of his head as he tries to keep himself from fucking SCREAMING.  no wonder he’s so fucking broken. his flame - it shouldn’t exist in the first place. something - SOMEONE - brought him back from the fucking dead by sealing this MONSTER into his heart, keeping his soul right with it. that’s the only explanation. someone saved his fucking life and they had to GO TO THE GATE TO DO IT. no fucking WONDER that place felt so hauntingly familiar when they first made their fucking mistake. no WONDER.  he’d been there BEFORE, in truth’s FUCKING ARMS, ready to fall to the realm out of humanity’s reach. he’d been truth’s young alchemist from the fucking START. 

... the rain beats down outside as the child of the sun sniffles and lets his tears stain the pillow beneath him, choked sobs escaping his throat every now and again as a stronger force begins to push at the back of his mind.  he’s broken. he’s a broken boy.  so just let him sit here and cry, like the hollow shell he is. even if it’s not truly himself shedding the tears.

[auricbound]

You left Luna, Edward. You left him. You were too selfish to see that he needed you there. You were too selfish. Your brother is right- you really are hopeless, aren't you? You're not deserving of love. Love only hurts.

love only hurts. love only hurts. LOVE ONLY HURTS.  it’s not true. it’s not. he has alphonse here, right next to him. there’s no way that’s true. love hurts, but it heals too. that’s why his baby brother is here next to him. why he’s petting his head, making sure he doesn’t fall apart again. making sure he’s not dragged back down. so then ... why is he - ?

“ stupid. you’re stupid, edward. you’re stupid and selfish. you only hurt the people you care about. isn’t that why you tried to die ? you didn’t want to burden them again. let it happen. give them that reprieve. ”

... and his chest has begun quivering with fear again,  for that voice was his OWN. it’s not his brother haunting him now. it’s HIMSELF. 

this is wrong. he just wants to get better. this is wrong.  he doesn’t want to fall again. he doesn’t want his hearing to be ripped from him again. he doesn’t want to lose everything he has left.  please don’t let him fall again.

“ i-i-i - ‘m s-sorry, p-please - please s-stop, i-i don’ - i wanna get b-better, p-please - ”

but it’s no use. even though he can hear his baby brother talking to him, things have begun drowning out. this isn’t okay. he needs to hear alphonse - he NEEDS to. 

“ edward, sweet prince. it’s alright. focus on me, and breathe. you need to live. ”

brother’s here. brother’s here, hovering over him, a hand on his chin. white, slitted eyes are staring into his own again, but he’s not scared of them like he should be. he’s not scared, because right now, brother is safe.  this is the brother he remembers.  this is his phantom twin, who always watched over him and alphonse. he’s back, and he’s safe.

“ in, and out. don’t make it harder for yourself than it needs to be. corviln is getting your medicine for you, do you understand me ? just breathe. ”

is he nodding ? he can’t really tell, but it doesn’t matter. listening and obeying is all he can do right now. in, and out. the pit of fear is still huge within his chest as he shivers, but at the very least, his brother is burning away the roots. he won’t go back to that. 

no matter how much his own mind tries to make him.

[auricbound]

it’s over. it’s finally over.

he finally feels that FUZZINESS fade. that indescribable barrier that was put up between him and his other has finally faded, and he no longer feels the tug of the feral creature inside him anymore.  humility is yelling again - of course he is, he expects nothing less after what he did, but god is it so comforting to feel his brother around him again - and verna is already undoing his restraints.

there were no words that needed to be said. it seems that just his body relaxing was enough to alert the valiant dragon to a change in his behavior. honestly, he thanks him for it - even though the armor is nice, he needs fresher air and room to move.  he can only stand his own scent so much, and the floor is a much better spot for him to curl up into this blanket. thank god for his brother, though.  verna just knows him too well. he’s moving his head into his metal lap, a pillow supporting his neck, and it feels right. there’s large, leather fingers in his hair and it feels right. 

the connection burns. 

his own self pity has drastically decreased with that time to himself, but the lingering fear in his gut refuses to go away. at the very least, he can keep that to himself - luna does not need to deal with his problems when he’s already coping with his own. 

it’s not his place to intrude.  this doesn’t CONCERN him.  so the tiger curls up next to the dragon, trying to deal with how lonely and absent he feels. perhaps he’s spoiled. perhaps he longs to be in the nest again. but he’d never rob luna of 

but he doesn’t know if he will be allowed back into that sacred place - not with this horrible emptiness in his chest. not with this sluggish depression wrapping itself around his bones. not with the demon screeching at him, begging to be let out for some reason he still doesn’t exactly understand.

he curls. there are no words spoken through the core of their link.

this is his burden to bear.

[auricbound]

metal.  metal and palm oil. da- mustang came in. he pulled him off. he pulled sol’s little fangs from luna’s body, restrained him, and had his brother take him away.  he’s been in the metal ever since. he’s been in the metal and there’s no trace of the moon’s scent.  all that’s left is the taste of the moon’s blood lingering on his tongue, never vanishing even despite all of the hours he’s spent lying inside of this little safespace he made within verna. all that’s left is BLOOD.

he hates himself. he absolutely despises himself. now that he’s away from the moon, unable to reach him whatsoever thanks to the fuzziness of their connection that the MONSTER created, he hates himself.  he’s a beast. he’s a beast, but still prey to the greater power that lies within. he’s a beast who tried to consume the rabbit. he’s a beast who tried to lay harsh hands onto his moon. he’s a BEAST.

there’s something deeply wrong with him, and now everyone’s mad with him. good. they should be.  he never belonged in this house.  he never belonged to this family. he was the selfish intruder who abused the kindness of the moon - he never should’ve been here in the first place. bampá. he’d called the colonel that several times over, in his head. what a fucking joke. he’ll never be able to call him that, who was he fooling ? he can never replace hohenheim. no one will ever love him like a father should. not when he hurts people so brutally. not when he tries to EAT HIS LUNA LIKE A CRAZED ANIMAL.

it hurts. 

there’s a strange lucidity with it all right now. through the depression, through the crippling self-hatred, through the fear, through the anger, through the screaming.  it’s all so dark. he was consumed by something so bright, and now he’s met with the eternal abyss that demands control from his bones. but he has nothing to offer, nothing to move. he is a broken husk of a person. just a shell for the monsters in him to wear. he feels the pull of humility - of his dear sweet twin - but no matter how he feels arms wrap around him, trying to get him sane again, he only stares off.  this is his purpose. he is the sun. he is the vessel for the great king. he should just be the nice little puppet he is and let him command his flesh - but there’s some defiant part of him that refuses.

a pool of ink starts to well up in his chest. it spills out his mouth as the sides of his face crack once again - as the hellish chaos engulfs him once again.

but he does not want to die.

so instead he just WEEPS, locked into a realm of his own making because he had no restraint. because he wanted to be dominant. because he had no consciousness. because the great king demanded to touch his moon. 

he does not want to die. he does not want his moon to die. but he cannot risk being so possessive again. not so soon. not so close to the day of reckoning.  he cannot risk it. 

so he sits within that armor, unblinking, nearly unbreathing.  only a few more hours.  ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS.

[auricbound]

how long will you ignore his cries?

“ how long will y’ torture th’ both’a us instead’a lettin’ us REST ? ”

[auricbound]

He's running his fingers through his hair as his other lays on his chest. The demon got out yesterday and he had to knock him out, so he's whispering apologizes while they lay there. It's been a long past few days with everything that's happened and they have to get ready to go to Resembool tomorrow. It'll be a long time. He knows Sol has to be nervous. "Hey." He whispers. "Ev'ry day I love you. It'll be okay. Jus' sleep fer now."

the pressure of his headache has been slowly lifting the longer he lays, the longer he breathes. they’ve switched their positions entirely in light of recent events - the sun listens to the moon’s heartbeat, all to help let the reality of what he is sink in without his fantasies trying to pull him back. he has an incomplete heart. there’s nothing he can do about that. he’s alive, and he’s with luna and his FAMILY, now. he’s safe. he’s home. 

there’s a soft breath that gets let out when luna’s fingers rub against that one SPECIFIC spot on his head. not close to where he was knocked out at, but just up enough that the sensation shifts from pain to an uncontrollable wave of comfort.  if his eyes weren’t closed yet, they certainly were now. there’s a gentle hum, too, but he doesn’t really process that it’s coming from his throat until he’s already falling into unconsciousness, any sort of concerns leaving his mind entirely as the rhythm of the moon’s heart lures him away.

they’re going to resembool, but it’ll be okay. they’ll be safe so long as they’re together. so sleep he will, the tiger’s purr growing louder as he nuzzles against the rabbit that comforts him.

[auricbound]

there’s an open notebook behind his back as he sleeps.  seems like after yesterday, he was doing some nonstop thinking until he simply ... fell asleep. rather strange, though, how the page it’s stuck on is one with drawings of an ouroboros on someones hand and that someone most CERTAINLY NOT being greed ...

[auricbound]

laying down so much really hasn’t given him any time to look at his own body.  the only chances he HAD were when verna was cleaning his burns and when he took a bath - other than that, the shirt never came off if only for the sense of safety it brought. 

for better or for worse, he’s gotten ... antsy about his image again.  he’s expecting blue spots. he’s expecting black marks, even if they’re tiny. he still feels so tender - but he’s been nestled in the arms of his moon for too long to tell how much of a difference there’s been since the start of it all. something about being with luna just made all his physical pain melt away.

but being with luna shouldn’t remove the source of that pain.

there’s ... nothing by his ribs.  not even by his solar plexus, either. there’s just yellow splotches - to be expected after multiple weeks of recovery, but ... he hasn’t reached that yet.  and his leg ... he’s having a much easier time walking on it. what’s going on ?

he shouldn’t be this far along from what he KNOWS of medicine ...

[auricbound]

there’s thuds from upstairs. one particularly loud one - the golden child falling from the bed, clutching his hand as if it were torn away from him, taking down a slew of blankets as he scrambles - and several smaller ones, likely from the green-tinted brother of iron that tries to help him.

no groans make it through the floor to the ones down below. they die out by the time there’s even more thudding from the stairs, only panicked and STRAINED breathing escaping from sol as he makes his way into view, sticking close to the walls.

his head fucking hurts.  but he’s running on pure adrenaline.

“ ‘s - ‘s e’rythin’ - ‘kay ? ”