#{ Just yeah }
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honestly tho I don’t fit into my bunny suit I got 3 years ago anymore and it made me cry tears of joy I’ve gained so much weight since then and im so proud of not only myself but my body for continuing to fight with me
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i like to make fun of murderbot for being all "i hate everyone, i don't care about anything or anyone, fuck off" while simultaneously caring very much about the people around it and the situations it finds itself in. i love how it "accidentally" ends up caring quite a lot about the friends it makes along the way. but i think something that i tend to forget is that murderbot actively decides to care - at least at some point in its story.
idk, as a person that struggles with depression, this paragraph from artificial condition really resonates with me. prior to all systems red, murderbot had contracts. it had routine and it had protocols. it knew what it had to do to just get by, how to perform so no one would notice it had disabled its governor module. it was deeply depressed, yes, but it was functioning (for lack of a better word). in artificial condition, murderbot's routine is gone. it cannot go on in that state of numbly going-from-contract-to-contract, putting in as little effort as possible, consuming media to cope. that option is gone because it escaped (and note that escaping the company was not an active choice, it kinda happened to it). murderbot has two options now: it can either gather all its energy; actively do something new and difficult and distressing; change something in its life and try. or it can let the numbness and the emptiness take over and stop trying. if murderbot wants to survive as a rogue secunit, it has to try. no matter how difficult that is. the wording in that paragraph really hits home for me. the way the non-caring sees an opportunity to slip in and to take over. does murderbot even care? does anything really matter? is anything really worth the hassle? wouldn't it be so much easier to just let your mind slip away a little, to go numb, to be passive, to watch media and wait for things to happen to you? wouldn't it be nice to stop thinking and struggling and feeling complicated things? to stop making an effort? you've been dealing with a lot lately and maybe it's time to just shut down. maybe you'll just take a little break. just slip deeper into this chair and start the show. time flies when you're not paying attention. trying is exhausting. who cares if you don't do the things you wanted to do, you were supposed to do. it'll be fine. let's just ignore those things for now. just let the non-caring take over. just stop thinking. you can deal with the aftermath later. just watch your shows. who cares. but murderbot cares. it decides to care. it decides to fight with all it has and i think that is so brave. and i think in the later books caring is less of an active decision for murderbot. once you start caring, it's easier to keep going than to stop; and murderbot, for all its "i'm a grumpy rogue secunit, leave me alone" behavior, knows just how important caring is. so it's not that it doesn't know what's happening; rather, it lets itself care. tl;dr: caring is not the default for murderbot, it's just the more difficult of two options. and it decides not to take the soft option. it decides to struggle. it decides to care. and so it does.
#sorry i'm rambling i'm a little depressed rn (hah) and i've been thinking about murderbot again#at least writing this got me out of the adhd/depression paralysis :) yeah this might be self-indulgent so what#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#𓄿#i just love martha wells' writing for things like that#and i love murderbot as a character so very much#also i'm pretty sure some of this could be read in a way i did not intend#i'm not trying to say that depressed people have the option to just not be depressed#or that it's as easy as going “okay well i can either care or not care... i guess i should care! done!”#listen i know it's not like that; i know that first hand#but murderbot had just enough energy and fight in it to try and it had people in its life that cared about it and helped it#and it managed to get out of that deep dark hole#and we see it struggling with trauma etc in the later books#things are not magically better#just yeah#okay imma add#tw depression#tw suicide#(this is not about suicide though; this is about sitting on the couch while the dishes and the laundry pile up#and watching netflix because getting up and taking care of yourself and calling a friend or going outside are too difficult)#(but i can see how this might hit a little close to home if that is something someone's struggling with&better safe than sorry)#also sending lots of love to everyone who this resonates with
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Queer As Folk – 2.02: All Better Now
#britin#queer as folk#cinematv#cinemapix#filmtvcentral#userthing#smallscreensource#userrlaura#usernuria#usergay#lgbtedit#mlmsource#otpsource#tvarchive#2x02#god... this whole scene#justin starting out scoffing at brian admitting he was freaked out because he's brian and nothing can phase him#everyone always of the mind that he's so tough and trauma slides off him like teflon#but then the realisation that he's so guilt ridden and in pain#just yeah#*lays down on the ground*
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do you see my vision here
#i would go into more detail but my brain might self combust before i say anything coherent#just yeah#like 🙂↕️#mhm mhm#tomi.txt#fic material#jakub kiwior#william saliba#riccardo calafiori
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#project sekai#colorful stage#prsk#an shiraishi#shiraishi an#akito shinonome#shinonome akito#rui kamishiro#kamishiro rui#anakirui#yeah#just yeah
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They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you They don’t love you like I love you
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okay another thing about dune… the sound. obviously another beauty by zimmer and great overall sound design. but there’s something about the mix of the two here. in the first harkonnen harvester attack and again in the final battle the ornithopter gunfire is noticeably on beat and in step with the the music, or lack of music. and in the feyd and margot scene her ‘come. to. me.’ lays so purposefully and seductively over the music. just the care overall in the craft of the film is such a feat.
#just yeah#I’m sure there’s more#and i heard these the first times I watch but the speakers in my imax tonight were crazy#dune part two#dune part 2#dune
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i'm currently decorating the sims 1 goth house with sims 1 converted objects while listening to the sims 1 soundtrack, i am thriving.
#i'll never be able to let go of that game#i still occasionally go back to it#just yeah#it's way more of a commitment without cheats#it's so hard!!#.txt
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I need a scene where the Avengers learn just how important Tony Stark was to Nick Fury. I don't care if its a two minute scene or an hour long movie, I just need them to know. Maybe after he snaps and Steve carries the body home and Fury is waiting there, in the entrance, and the Avengers fall in a circle around Tony, protecting him because well, they're not going on another mission. Not today. Not now. But Fury isn't there for that, hes not there to talk to them. He catches sight of Tonys slack face, his body limp in Steves arms and goes “what happened. WHa- what is stark doing?” And Steve answered, voice cold as the ice he dove into 70 years ago, “Hes dead sir.” and Fury… just.. Breaks. Sinks to his knees and sobs. And the Avengers are caught off guard because what??? And the Carol goes to his side and lays an arm around his shoulders and then looks at the Avengers and goes “what you guys didn't know they loved each other? Who else have you ever heard call Fury nick?” and it just.. Hits them then. Not only did they lose their friend, not only did pepper lose her husband, and morgan and peter their dad, but Fury lost his son. And somehow, that makes it all the more heartbreaking
#sry im rabid for tony and fury#they should have gotten more screen time together#just bonding#tony is allowed to annoy fury#spends his days slouching on furys desk when hes trying to work#calling him up randomly#fury sends phil to check up on tony when hes unable to#just yeah#i love them#nick fury#tony stark#the avengers
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yeah... when you mentioned how much you dislike TikTok i imagine something far worse than misinformation...
But yeah you're right,you can find real fucked up shit in there
I honestly think the downfall of this generations mental health can be linked to Tik Tok actually. And I'm not even trying to sound like some conservative all "grrrr tik tok bad! RAGHHHH" But it honestly is destroying the kids.
First of all, unlike YouTube where you pick what you get to watch, Tik Tok just throws it in your face with one scroll. Rather that it be a dance or bunny videos or straight up g0r3 and other disturbing stuff. I recently re-download it after two years and holy shit is it even more horrible. (Those two Russians, the girl who fell and the step-siblings are now being used as a tik tok trend.)
Tik Tok is also the one with all the "Bring back bullying!!!" Type bullshit and surprise surprise, kids are now lacking empathy because they think they're all bad ass because this damn app is making them grow up too fast and act grown.
I could go into so much more but those are the two main things.
#rant#rant post#tik tok#I literally heard the screams of a kid dying in a school [yeah]#I should mention in the two years it was deleted my mental health was WONDERFULLY improving#Just yeah#That app is straight hell
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Sometimes I think about how important someone can be to the rest of your life even if your relationship with them doesn't last forever.
I had a friend about four years ago that I was extremely close to for a while. We don't talk anymore. Just a natural drifting apart. But I wanted to die one day. Like it was a true mental break, and I went somewhere to do it. He reached out to me about something inane, and I was this crying mess at the time. I thought about not answering. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to end it. But there was a small part of me that reacted to the fact that he cared enough to want to talk to me at all. So, I reached back. He could tell something was wrong pretty much immediately, and when I broke and started sharing all the things that were going through my head, this man spent hours talking me through it. Letting me know that he cared and that I mattered. I was able to leave that place eventually and go back home. But without him, I probably wouldn't have.
The friendship itself was fairly shortlived. We were only close for about a year before life got in the way, but if we hadn't been friends at that time would I even be here? Probably not.
Thinking about all of the people who have made an impact on your life, particularly a life or death one, who weren't forever is amazing to me.
Not every relationship is meant to last forever, but that doesn't mean they didn't matter. Or they were a waste of time.
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firm believer in theo calling liam pup
#not constantly#he whips it out when liam is in a mood#or is being nosy#smthn ab theo being like#don’t worry ab it pup#gonnahxhsjxjhsjc#just Yeah#thiam
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and so what if i’m rewatching game changer. this is coping.
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The fact that Hardison for Vittori’s campaign ad said he scanned US political ads and just combined the top techniques and it made that. Like yeah.
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