#^if anyone is wondering how my classes are going its this for my actual assignments

[cosmic-abysss]

my max is supposed to be 1600 T-T this is due friday we'll see how it goes...

[i-messed-up-big-time]

Lonely Birthday - Caleb

Caleb x Non Mc/Reader

divider creds: @/cafekitsune

a/n: ok this is my longest fic yet (can you tell he's my fav), chat i think i cooked with this one. this will be the last part in my lonely birthday series, i really hope you guys enjoyed it!!

Tags: angst, happy ending, female pronouns, reader is not MC, female pronouns, cursing, reader is childhood friends w/ caleb and MC, MC is a bit of a spoiled brat here (pls dkm), this is set in a timeline where there are no evols and caleb does not die in an explosion, this one acc has a backstory in comparison to the other parts I wrote, just cause jumping right into it with caleb just didnt feel right without a proper backstory, use of pet names (sadly he's not calling you pip-squeak in this one but he does call you baby), mentions of self harm (nothing happens its just a thought that passes), lmk if i missed smth

word count: 5.3k

masterlist

Xavier Rafayel Zayne Sylus

taglist: @rcvcgers

You were always overshadowed by her, from childhood to adulthood.

To make matters worse, your birthdays were only a couple of days apart, yours coming before hers, because they were so close together your birthdays were always celebrated with her on her birthday.

It was like killing two birds with one stone. Every time you complained about wanting to celebrate your birthday on your actual date you were told it would be unfair for MC.

Your own family favoured her more than you, sometimes you wondered whether they even considered you their daughter at all.

But then there was Caleb. Him and MC were inseparable when you first met her, always there whenever you two hung out. Eventually, you got close to him as well and began to hang outside of your meet ups with MC.

He always made you feel like you were your own person, not a shadow of someone else.

Maybe that's why you fell for him.

Over the course of your childhood leading into your teenage years you were head over heels for him. Anyone could see it was obvious, and to certain people it bothered them, and you never noticed it until it was too late.

●・○・●・○・●・

Despite being the same age as MC, there was one thing you had that she didn't. You were far smarter than those your age, that gave you the ability to skip ahead a couple of grades so that you were at a level that was more to your capabilities.

But your brain could only get you so far in certain circumstances.

You were in the same class as Caleb, so naturally you ended up being closer to him than you were before. It also made admiring him much more easier.

But nothing was ever easy for you. All throughout your school years MC would always barge in on your study time with Caleb, always needing help with her assignments.

Normally, it wouldn't be a problem if it was a one off thing, but anytime you were over at their place to study with Caleb, it became a tutoring session for MC. It was even more annoying when she would constantly brush off your help, only wanting Caleb to help her.

"I don't understand it when you explain it. You're always using difficult words."

MC whined whenever you would offer to help, and each time Caleb would laugh and ruffle her hair.

"It's okay pip-squeak, I'll explain it in simpler terms."

Whenever he would say that, you could feel a pang in your chest.

It was during that time you and MC started to drift apart. You never really understood until that day.

●・○・●・○・●・

The day before graduation you finally chalked up the courage to confess to Caleb, and to your surprise he had accepted.

You had anticipated a rejection, knowing that he was busy with prepping to go to Skyhaven to attend the DAA, and unfortunately a lot of his free time was spent with MC.

He had always been protective of her, he also extended that to you as well. Although the way he treated you was different than the way he treated her.

The fleeting glances, the lingering touches, the nights he would spend with you when things were bad. How could you not fall for a man who cared for you like that.

You thought it was just your delusions that there was something between the two of you, but him accepting your confession made those delusions become reality.

●・○・●・○・●・

Everyone found you guys to be an unexpected couple, they always expected Caleb to be with MC with how good their chemistry was, but he viewed her simply as his little sister. One that he was a little too protective of but you never found that to be a sense of insecurity.

Or so you thought.

You and Caleb had been dating for almost 4 years now. It was a bit rough with both of you pursuing your academics and not having much time to spend together, but you guys always made it work.

Sometimes Caleb would bail on your dates because something came up with his studies, and you believed him. Who knew it was because someone felt a little jealous of you guys spending time together.

You had never realized that the dates Caleb bailed were because someone back in Linkon wanted attention, and who better to ask than Caleb!

You and MC and drifted apart, and after your graduation you barely ever saw her unless you were home for the holidays with Caleb. You chose to be the bigger person whenever she tried to monopolize Caleb's time, knowing he saw you more often than her, you let it slide.

Although, deep down it bothered you that she would always try to be the sole focus of his attention or when you guys went out on a date she just so happened to be there too, turning it into a group hangout where you felt like the third wheel.

Crazy right? Being a third wheel in your own relationship, guess you could cross that off on your bingo card.

It was your birthday tomorrow, you and Caleb had planned a nice day in with him cooking your favourites and then baking a cake together. Both of your schedules had finally managed to align and you guys had a week off, so you planned on crashing at his place for some much needed quality time.

With it being your final year, you guys were buried in back to back assignments and exams, the stress was high. Having the week off let you guys finally have a moment to breathe.

You packed your bags for the week before making your way over to Caleb's place, it wasn't too far of a drive. You made a quick stop at the grocery store, grabbing your favourite snacks and some groceries so you can make him some food while you're at his place.

By the time you got to Caleb's place the sun was just starting to set. You walked into his place, unlocking it with the spare keys he gave you.

It was quiet in his home.

"Hmm seems like Caleb isn't back from his classes yet."

You thought out loud. Putting away your stuff in his room you made your way to the kitchen, wanting to cook Caleb some dinner.

Like magic, as soon as you were done adding the finishing touches to dinner, Caleb walked in.

"Hi baby, it smells good in here."

Caleb greeted you, coming closer to place a kiss on your lips.

You quickly sent him away to go wash up while you set the table. Dinner was nice and peaceful, it was moments like these that made you feel happy. No distractions, just you and Caleb.

You guys spent most of dinner just catching up about all the stuff that happened while you guys were apart. Caleb insisted on cleaning up since you had cooked dinner, so you were sitting on the counter next to the sink as he washed the dishes.

You chatted away mindlessly, he listened with a smile on his face, throwing in a response here and there.

Once he was done, you were about to jump off the counter when Caleb slotted himself between your legs, hands coming to rest on your hips.

You immediately went quiet, the mood shifting to something more intimate. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against yours, nuzzling your nose with his.

You guys stayed in that position for a little bit, enjoying the moment. The rest of the evening was spent with you guys just lounging around and catching up.

As you were getting ready for bed you could feel your stomach drop with anxiety for no reason, you brushed it off as just your nerves about sharing the same bed with Caleb after a while.

You shouldn't have brushed it off.

You got changed into one of his t-shirts and got into bed, Caleb slid in not too long after, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you in closer to his chest.

“Goodnight.”

He said as he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“Goodnight.”

You replied back, snuggling closer into his chest.

●・○・●・○・●・

It was around 4 am when you woke up to feeling an empty bed next to you.

It’s still warm, Caleb must have just gotten up.

You got out of bed to go look for him. The moment you stepped out the your room you spotted him in the living room dressed to go outside.

The alarm bells in your head were going off.

“Hey, where are you going this late at night?”

It was just a simple question, one that didn’t warrant the reaction you were about to receive.

“Out.”

Caleb replied in an oddly cold tone.

What’s with that tone?

“Okay, but that’s not what I asked. Where are you going?”

You asked again, something in your gut was telling you that you were not going to like the answer.

Caleb sighed out in frustration before replying.

“MC called and needed me, so I’m going to Linkon right now. You know how she gets.”

Normally you wouldn’t say anything, but this was supposed to be your time with Caleb, no distractions.

“Why do you always go at the drop of a hat whenever she calls? You’re supposed to be spending time with me, not running to her whenever something doesn’t go her way.”

Years of frustration were finally bubbling to the surface, you didn’t want it to come out but you had to set your boundaries.

“It’s not fair to me as your girlfriend if you keep putting her above me.”

Your voiced raised a bit as you spoke, you didn’t mean for it to but having to constantly deal with MC barging in on your time with Caleb, whether she knew he was with you or not, was beyond irritating.

“I’m not putting her above you, she just requires a bit more care and attention than you do.”

That did it, if you weren’t mad before you definitely were now.

“Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s exactly as I said it. MC always feels insecure, even more so when you skipped grades and left her alone. I can’t just ignore her when she calls me asking for help.”

Every explanation that came out of his mouth had you seeing red, you weren’t gonna back down either.

“Don’t you dare try to pin this on me? Just because we were friends didn’t mean that I had to be stuck to her hip 24/7. I skipped those grades cause it benefited me for my future, and if she really was my friend she would’ve been happy for me instead of sulking around like a child.”

That lit a fuse in Caleb, if there was one thing he didn’t tolerate it was anyone saying something about MC, even if it was you.

“You better watch what you say, I won’t tolerate it even it it’s you.”

His tone had you taking a step back, it was a whole different level of cold. You should’ve taken that as your sign to back off and come back to this when you guys were less heated, but who were you if not stubborn.

“Omg how could I ever insult your precious MC. You need to let go of that overprotectiveness you have when it comes to her, it puts me in a tough spot when you go running to her like a dog when its owner calls.”

You probably took it too far with that but you were past the point of no return.

“You’re so infuriating! What do you not understand that MC needs me right now, every moment I spend here on this useless conversation is more time she’s alone.”

He spat back.

I’m infuriating?

That hit a nerve, but you couldn’t let him see that, not until you got all your feelings out.

“I’m infuriating?! What about MC? Every time we get some time together she always fucking ruins it! Can’t I just have all of your attention and time without her trying to barge in? It’s like she’s trying to make it so we don’t spend any time together!”

“God you’re so fucking clingy! I knew I should have listened to MC when she warned me not to date you!”

He yelled that at you, and for the first time since the conversation started you were speechless.

“What?”

Your voice was low and filled with hurt. You couldn’t believe your ears that he would say something like that.

“You heard me. I should have never dated you. I ignored MC when she warned me, I gave you the benefit of the doubt but I should’ve fucking known. MC would have been a better girlfriend than you.”

You could hear your heart breaking, you don’t know if you’d ever recover from this.

Caleb took your silence as an opportunity to walk around you to the door, slamming it behind him.

You felt your knees give out, the tears were streaming down your face in silent pain. You didn’t know he thought of you that way, you didn’t want to think that way but a part of you felt like MC was talking bad about you behind your back. It makes no sense he would say all of that on his own.

Will I always be in her shadow? Is that all I’m worth?

You thought to yourself.

●・○・●・○・●・

God knows how long you were in that position for, no sign of Caleb coming back or any calls or texts. You picked yourself up off the floor and gathered all your things, you’d be damned if you spent another minute in this house where you clearly had no worth.

Throwing on a pair of sweatpants, you made sure to clear everything you had at Caleb’s place, not leaving a single thing behind.

You put everything in your car and drove yourself home. It was 6 in the morning so the roads were starting to get busy but it was quiet enough for you to be lost in thought, a dangerous action while driving. You were so lost in thought you didn’t notice that you were approaching a red light until it was too late.

A car had crashed into your drivers side, and everything went black.

●・○・●・○・●・

*In Linkon*

Caleb had made it outside of MC’s dorm, the argument he had with you weighing heavy on his mind but his first priority was MC.

Who knew that argument would cost him everything.

It didn’t take long before MC threw open the door and jumped into his arms. He returned the hug by patting her on the head before heading inside.

“What happened? Why did you call?”

He asked, although his mind wasn’t entirely present in the moment, it kept drifting back to you.

“Oh no reason, I was just thinking about you and decided to call you. You know it’s my birthday in a couple of days so I wanted you to spend some time with me this weekend.”

For the first time ever, Caleb felt a spark of annoyance at MC’s reasoning. She had called him earlier in tears and said he needed to come quick, he even fought with you before coming here.

Pushing that feeling aside he simply smiled.

“You know I can’t do that pip squeak, I already promised Y/N I would spend my week off with her. We had a bit of an argument before I came here, so I have to go back in a bit to make sure she’s fine.”

He said.

She’ll probably be calmed down by the time I come back.

He thought to himself, boy was he wrong.

MC pouted, not liking how things weren’t playing in her favour, but she planned on trying to come up with another excuse later to get him to stay longer.

●・○・●・○・●・

A couple of hours had passed when he got that heart stopping call.

“Hello is this Caleb Xia? This is Skyhaven Hospital calling about Miss Y/N.”

The nurse spoke in a hurried tone, tt was like someone had knocked the wind out of him.

“Speaking, what happened.”

His anxiety went through the roof, what happened after he left? Did you hurt yourself? But he never say any signs of depression, was he actually putting MC above you so much that he was ignoring your feelings?

His mind was running a mil a minute with each thought progressively getting worse, the guilt from what he said to you when you guys fought was finally kicking in.

“She was involved in a car accident and needs surgery, we require a signature from her guardian to proceed. Are you able to come in right now? It’s urgent.”

“Can I give you my consent over the phone? I’m currently in Linkon and it would take me some time to get back, I don’t want to delay the procedure.”

Although Caleb sounded composed, on the inside he was breaking.

“The surgeon said that should be fine, please do make sure to be here as soon as possible as you need to fill out some forms. We’ll get started on the surgery. Thank you.”

The nurse promptly hung up, leaving Caleb to his thoughts.

Without wasting a moment he got up and made his way to the door. MC had been trying to listen to what was being said on the phone, unable to decipher what was happening based on Caleb’s words alone. Seeing Caleb getting ready to leave she jumped up, trying to stop him.

“Where are you going? You can’t just leave, you basically just got here!”

She grabbed ahold of his arm, trying to physically stop him but it was of no use, he pulled his arm out of her grasp and tried to leave again before she spoke up.

“What excuse did she come up with this time? She does this all the time whenever you and I spend time together.”

Something in him had just snapped, it was like a fog had been lifted. Never in his life did he think he would be here getting upset at MC, but life has a funny way of proving you wrong.

“What are you even talking about, when has she ever done that?”

MC was taken aback, Caleb never questioned her whenever she said anything like this before, he would just spend some time comforting her.

“I don’t have time for this, I’m leaving. I’ll talk to you about this later.”

He said in a curt tone, leaving no room for discussion.

●・○・●・○・●・

Caleb had booked it to Skyhaven, not wanting to waste a single moment.

By the time he made it, the surgery was still ongoing. Grabbing the nearest nurse he asked for an update, unfortunately they didn’t have much of an update to give him aside from the fact that your condition was really bad when you were brought in. You had ran a red light and were hit on the drivers side by oncoming traffic, the other driver made it out with minor injuries and a concussion.

Unfortunately, you weren’t so lucky. You had been brought in with internal bleeding, a broken arm and head trauma. Your recovery period was going to be lengthy, which in turn would also hinder your ability to graduate this year like you had planned, but that was a problem for next time.

Caleb slumped onto on the chairs outside the OR, the time passed by excruciatingly slow.

●・○・●・○・●・

A couple of hours later the operation was finally completed.

Seeing you in that condition physically hurt him, his chest feeling constricted.

“We were able to stop the bleeding but she’s still unconscious, because the head trauma was severe it’ll take some time before she will wake up.”

Caleb nodded, listening to the doctor’s words intently. He followed the nurses to the room where you were going to be recovering, taking a seat next to the bed he held your hand in his.

“I’m sorry, please. Please just wake up soon.”

Sadly you wouldn’t wake up for another two months.

Everyday Caleb would come to take care of you, making sure to change the flowers before they began to wilt, taking responsibility to wash you and take care of your hair, hell he would even do your skincare at night so you’d wake up in perfect condition.

Although he knew deep down inside that nothing he could do could ever make up for the things he said and how he made you feel. Caleb and MC had also grown apart during this time, constantly wishing that he had never went to see her that night, if he didn’t then maybe you’d be awake and smiling next to him instead of lying still on that bed in this lifeless hospital room.

Caleb came in with a fresh bouquet of your favourite flowers, silently he replaced the old ones, making sure to get some fresh water before putting in the new bouquet. Once that was done he made his way to his usual spot, right next to your bed.

Earlier the doctor said you were recovering well, although it would take some time and rehab for you to use your arm again. You’d also be weak from the extended period of time that was spent in bed, but Caleb was nothing if not determined to make sure he was there for you every step of the way.

“Hey baby, it’s me Caleb. You’re probably tired of hearing my voice everyday huh? The doctor says you’re recovering well, you’ll just need some rehab to help you get back into the groove of things when you wake up.”

Caleb kept getting choked up the more he spoke, he just wanted you to wake up, even if you don’t want him anymore, he’d be fine with that.

“I miss you, your voice, your sweet smile, everything. If I could trade spots with you I would. So please, please just wake up. I’m sorry for everything, I’m such a shitty boyfriend aren’t I? I can’t believe I said all of that, on your birthday no less.”

At this point the tears he tried so hard to hold back started streaming down his face. It was hard to keep up that strong front, but he tried because he felt that he didn’t deserve to be sad, not when he’s to blame for you being in this state.

He grabbed a hold of your hand, bringing it to his face hoping to feel something. Anything.

He nuzzled his face in to your hand as he silently cried. It wasn’t long before he was passed out in that chair, still holding your hand to his face.

He felt it in the middle of the night, always the light sleeper he was awake at the slightest of movements. He knew he wasn’t mistaken, he felt your hand twitch for this first time in two months.

He was now wide awake and sitting upright in his seat, watching you closely. That’s when he say it, your hand twitched in his hold, a slight groan escaping your lips, but your eyes had still yet to open.

Caleb had already pressed the call button, the nurses and doctor filling the room in a matter of minutes, that’s when you had finally opened your eyes.

●・○・●・○・●・

A series of tests had been conducted and the doctor had caught you up to speed with everything before you were left alone with Caleb. You avoided looking at him the entire time, it stung, but he couldn’t complain.

You cleared your throat uncomfortably, the dryness getting to you, but before you could even get the water, Caleb had already poured a glass and was holding it out to you.

You silently took it from him and drank it slowly, not wanting to shock your system. It was a struggle, your grip on the glass was weak. It almost slipped out of your hands if not for Caleb holding the bottom of the cup.

Once you were done, Caleb put the glass on the side, reaching out to grab your hands. You pulled them back before he could touch you.

“Why are you here Caleb? Doesn’t MC need you?”

Were you being petty? Yes, the fight that you guys had may have been two months ago for him, but for you it was like it was yesterday. The wounds from his words were still fresh.

You missed the look of hurt that flashed across his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

"You don't get to come in here and think that everything will be fine. I just wanted one week with you, no distractions. All I got in return? You leaving me alone on the morning of my birthday after telling me you should've listened to MC when she told you not to date me?!"

You had tears in your eyes, but you refused to let them escape. You didn't want to let him see just how broken you were about this.

Caleb had nothing to say, how could he? He was the one who put you in this position, he's the reason you ended up in the hospital.

"Please just leave."

Your voice sounded so broken, all he could do was listen to your request even though every cell in his being told him to stay by your side. He chose to just wait outside your room, not wanting to be too far away from you but still wanting to respect your request.

As soon as soon Caleb left the room you let the tears you were holding back fall, your body shook with sobs as everything came crashing down on you.

Even with the morphine you could feel the lingering bits of pain all throughout your body.

You eventually ended up crying yourself to sleep. The silence had Caleb worried, so he had decided to check in on you, seeing that you were asleep he was able to calm himself down a little.

But the sight of your tear stricken face had him clutching his chest in pain, all he wanted to do was take away your pain.

For now, he was just going to try his best to be by your side, no matter how much you pushed him away. He was determined to make things right.

●・○・●・○・●・

A couple of weeks had passed before you were finally released from the hospital.

During that time Caleb was as stubborn as ever, never leaving your side unless it was for classes, he spent the nights next to your bed, watching over you. He was always one step ahead, if you were thinking about food or water, the next second he would have it in front of you.

You didn't want to admit it, you enjoyed having him wait on you hand and foot. But you still weren't ready to forgive him, not yet. You still needed to talk to him about what happened before you could decide where this relationship was headed.

You wanted to give him another chance, seeing how tirelessly he's been taking care of you these past few weeks. You could only assume he was doing the same those two months where you were unconscious.

In the meantime, you decided his punishment would be your silence, not speaking to him unless it was absolutely necessary. Even then you only spoke a few words.

Caleb was currently in class, it was a Friday so that meant he'd home earlier than the other days.

You didn't have much of a choice as to where you'd be staying, Caleb wanted to make sure you were taking all your medication as well as doing the exercises you were assigned for your rehab, he knew how forgetful you could be, and you were in no condition to be staying on your own. So his solution was to have you stay at his place.

Being there brought back bad memories, but you had made up your mind to talk to him about it. If you were going to be staying here you needed to know where you guys stood in each others lives.

You were currently in his room, wanting to take a nap but your mind was too active for you to relax.

It wasn't long before Caleb came home, not seeing you in the living room he immediately made his way towards his room.

The moment he walked in he relaxed, seeing that you were alright. You saw him and thought,

It's now or never.

"We need to talk."

Caleb's heart dropped, his mind went crazy thinking you were about to break up with him. Although he couldn't blame you for wanting to, but he refused to let you go, you were the only good thing he had in his life, he couldn't afford to lose you. Not before he had a chance to make things right.

"Okay."

He said as calmly as possible, not wanting to give away the immense anxiety he was feeling from this situation.

He walked towards you, kneeling on the ground next to you.

"I'm giving you one chance to explain yourself for that night."

That was all he needed to go on tangent about that night, from the call from MC where she was crying to going to her house and finding out she had been lying to him to get him to spend more time with her instead of you to him and MC having a falling out because of the things she said about you.

He laid it all out, he wasn't proud of the fact that he was so easily fooled by her. He had known her far longer than he had known you, and thought she would never lie to him, boy was he wrong.

"I admit that I have absolutely no excuse for letting myself believe her words. I can't forgive myself for the things I said that night and how I just left you there. It was all my fault."

He took your hands in his, you would've pulled them out of his reach but this time you let him hold them. You could see in his actions and in his eyes how much he regretted that night and how he had been trying everyday to make things right.

"I blame myself for your accident, if I had just stayed with you, if i had never said those words you wouldn't have ended up in this condition."

You had never really seen Caleb cry, so seeing him now in tears as his brain recounted the feeling of seeing you on that hospital bed, had your mind coming to a conclusion.

You were going to give him another chance, his one and only chance. If anything like that happens again you won't stick around, you had enough self respect to not tolerate that.

You removed yours hands from his, Caleb had a look of hurt when you did that, but it didn't last long before you cupped his face, wiping away his tears.

"You get one chance only. Mess up and you'll never see or hear from me again, got it?"

He nodded his head like a child before pulling you to the floor and onto his lap.

He hid his face in the crook of your neck as silent sobs raked his body. You ran a soothing hand through his hair to help him calm down.

It hurt to see him like this, but he also deserved it. Even if it was a fraction of the pain you went through.

"I promise I'll make it up to you. Anything you want, I'll do it."

His voice came out muffled, but you could feel the sincerity in it.

"I'll hold you to that."

[dissociativewriter]

I feel like it’d be fun for the reader to have taken 4 years of Spanish or whatever language and just not mention it. Then one day randomly, they just mutter something like “Ayúdame…” under their breath and the LADS are like ??? You know Spanish????? Maybe after that, they call him cute names like “Mi amor” “Mi luz” “Mi vida” etc

okay this is such a cute idea so I’m gonna do headcanons for this! I’m gonna mix up the languages so it’s not the same thing five times, so I’ll have Spanish, French, and Italian! 🫶 (i had to check with google translate on every one of these cause i was like wait am i saying this right?? i hope the spanish is okay because i took french in high school lol)

cw: italian cuss word, other than that its fluffy although maybe a little suggestive with sylus

request event

Xavier

❀ You’ve been on this level for hours. It’s killing you. It should not be this hard, you know, and you shouldn’t care this much, but if you could just beat this level!

❀ Xavier watched your frustration, trying to figure out if he should offer his help or if it would just make things worse. He winced with you as the Game Over screen appeared again, almost missing your mutterings.

❀ “Ayúdame…” you whispered under your breath, frustration nearly bubbling over. Xavier froze, sitting next to you with wide eyes. “…Yes?” “You know another language?” he tilted his head. “Yeah I took four years of Spanish.”

❀ He’s signing up for Spanish lessons so fast. In the meantime, he’s asking you to speak Spanish to him sometimes. He says it helps him fall asleep. “Your voice is very soothing, especially when it’s another language.” You don’t really get it, but you’ll do it anyway. “Buenas noches, mi cielo,” you whisper, kissing his forehead as his eyes flutter shut.

Zayne

❀ The deadline for that assignment you’d forgotten was fast approaching. You were sat next to Zayne, furiously typing to finish it up while he went through patient reports. It was silent, mostly, save for the occasional comment here and there.

❀ You finally finished, quickly opening up the drop box so you could submit and be done with it. Of course, though, as you entered the file, a message appeared, in big bold letters. ERROR.

❀ “Pourquoi?!” you groaned, falling forward against your computer. Zayne’s fingers stilled over the keyboard. He looked up at you, adjusting his glasses. “You know French?” You sat back up, meeting his gaze. “Yeah, I took it in high school.” Zayne let out a satisfied hum. “I took some French classes in college.”

❀ Zayne was never one for grand gestures, so he showed his love in smaller ways. One of his favorites seemed to be quiet utterances in French that showed his care. “Est-ce que tu vas bien, mon amour?” “Veins te voucher, ma chérie.”

Rafayel

❀ It was another one of Rafayel’s art exhibits. You were so proud of him and the paintings were beautiful, but the people were so annoying. Dozens of upper class citizens pretending to know something about art, all while mostly ignoring Rafayel’s own explanations of the pieces. You were wondering just how fast you could get out if you faked a medical emergency when you heard someone muttering about how Rafayel was actually talentless, anyone could throw paint on a canvas and this was all meaningless slop.

❀ This is not something you’re just going to let slide. “You have something to say about my boyfriend?” you asked, walking over to them. Recognizing you immediately, they quickly changed their tune. “We were just talking about the genius behind this piece!” one of the men said frantically. “Leccaculo…” you muttered, turning away.

❀ “Why didn’t you tell me you knew another language?” Rafayel pouted. “I didn’t think it was important…” “I guess I’ll forgive you since you defended me like a good bodyguard. But now I want to learn, too.” You don’t know another day of peace after Rafayel finds out you know Italian. Everywhere you go, “what’s that in Italian?” “Un tavolo.” You deadpan. “What would you call me?” “Mostriciattolo.” You didn’t hear the end of that one.

❀ It’s alright, though. You can handle all his enthusiasm when it ended in quiet moments like this. Cradling his face in your hands, caring for and observing it like a delicate marble statue, whispering “amore mio bellissimo” as his tensions ease under your caring gaze.

Sylus

❀ You really needed to stop inviting Sylus over to your place. That six foot something man was a walking hazard in your home made for normal sized people. Between moving all your things higher on the shelf than you could reach and knocking into your cabinets so much that paint was beginning to wear off, you had had enough.

❀ Now, you couldn’t find your wallet. When you asked Sylus, he just shrugged, a wolfish grin on his lips. “I did clean up, sweetie, but I’m not sure where I put it. Why don’t you use my card instead?” This was definitely a plot he’d set up. You were steadfast on using your own money this time, so you searched your apartment.

❀ You did find it. On the top shelf. Out of your reach. “Tu te fous de moi?” you cried. Peeking his head in, Sylus raised an eyebrow. “Tu parles français?” Your head snapped to meet his gaze, your annoyance evident. “Did you do this?” you demanded. Chuckling, he took a few steps towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. “Just use my wallet, mon ange.” You kept silent as you felt your face heat up. Maybe the endearments could stay, even if you were mad.

❀ You eventually had to stop with the nicknames in other languages because every time you would say something cute in French, Sylus would respond with an endearment in a language you’d never heard and it was doing things to you. (He still weaponizes it, despite your protests)

Caleb

❀ The day had been a long one. You were practically on autopilot the moment you stepped through Caleb’s door, kicking off your shoes and tossing your bag on his couch.

❀ He took care of you, of course, like he always did. Cooking your dinner and holding you close as a movie played in the background. He watched as you lost focus on the movie, eyes closed more often than open now. Wrapping the blanket tighter around you, he whispered a quiet, “Goodnight, pip-squeak,” not expecting much of a response.

❀ In your half-consciousness, you muttered back an affectionate “Duerme bien, mi amor,” before promptly falling asleep.

❀ He stared at you with wide eyes, wondering just when his pip-squeak learned another language and he didn’t know about it. For now, Caleb lets you sleep. But when you wake up in the morning, you’re bombarded with questions. “When did you learn Spanish?” “Can ya teach me, pips?” “Does pip-squeak translate into Spanish or do I have to find you a new nickname?”

comments and reblogs appreciated and asks open! <3

masterlist

[hogwartslegacyreactions2]

HLC REACT TO MC HAVING AN OUT OF CHARACTER OUTBURST

Requested by: @ma1egamer

MC had a bad week. The worst week. An awful horrible week. But they still smiled. No one could know what was broiling just beneath the surface. They were the cool popular kid at Hogwarts, they had a reputation. If they just kept up appearances until the end of the day, they could go out after classes and fight a few dark wizards. That would help them de-stress.

They were lost in thought when someone accidentally ran into them, knocking their bag off their arm and causing it to spill its contents all over the floor. One of their ink bottles smashed, staining what was a lengthy essay they had just completed the night before for astronomy.

MC lost their carefully collected shit. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!? IF ITS NOT ONE THING, ITS ANOTHER!! EVERY! SINGLE! DAY! But, if we didn't have bad weeks, the good weeks would be so amazing." It was like someone flipped a switch. MC was entirely calm again while using their wand to clean up their stuff.

The hall was dead silent. The whole crowd of students and faculty watched MC pack themselves up and walk away smiling.

SEBASTIAN SALLOW: "Welp, I feel sorry for any dark wizards or goblins that cross MC's path today." This included himself. He steered clear.

OMINIS GAUNT: "What happened? Why did they shout like that? Are they okay?" He needs context. He's worried.

ANNE SALLOW: She avoids eye contact with anyone in the crowd. She doesn't know what's going on, don't look at her.

IMELDA REYES: "What, in the actual fuck, was that?"

NATSAI ONAI: She marches after MC. They clearly aren't okay and she wants to know what's up.

GARRETH WEASLEY: MC's outburst made him drop a jar of pickled slugs. Now he was having a bad day too. The smell was awful.

LEANDER PREWETT: "They're cracking under the pressure. Sad."

AMIT THAKKAR: He has shrunk away from the noise. He doesn't deal with that kind of energy very well and removes himself from the situation.

EVERETT CLOPTON: "Merlin's beard, and here I thought Kogawa had a temper."

POPPY SWEETING: "Yeesh, I knew MC had fangs but I've never seen them take it out on a random student. I wonder what's bothering them."

ELEAZAR FIG: "Oh dear." He shuffles through the crowd and shepherds MC away. "What was that about? Are you alright? Please, don't lie to me."

MATILDA WEASLEY: She bristled at MC's volume. She could take house points for that, but instead ask MC to come to her office. She wants a word.

CHIYO KOGAWA: "Move along, everyone. You all have places to be." She shoos the crowd and stops MC from leaving. "Let's talk. My office."

AESOP SHARP: He gets it. As far as anyone is concerned, he saw nothing.

ABRAHAM RONEN: He's immediately by MC's side, helping them with their books. "Can you spare a moment to chat?" He wants them to be actually okay.

MIRABEL GARLICK: She walks quickly to catch up with MC and hands them a colorful bloom. "Here...it's Worry's Blight. It'll help you feel calm. You seem to need some more than me today."

MUDIWA ONAI: She invites MC up for tea. A special blend and good conversation is what they needed.

BAI HOWIN: Everyone has a bad day. There was no confrontation about the items dropped, so she let it go.

DINAH HECAT: "You shouldn't be shouting the halls, MC. However, instead of taking points, I have an assignment for you." She gave them a small price of paper with a location. "This is an ashwinder camp I heard wind of in the Three Broomsticks. It's a big one. Use this information as you may."

CUTHBERT BINNS: He just ghosted on out of there. He had a lecture to prep.

SATYAVATI SHAH: "No shouting in the halls. That's five points, MC." She didn't notice the vein fit to burst on MC's neck when they just smiled back at her.

PHINEAS NIGELLUS BLACK: "Children. Always whining about how hard life is. They know nothing of the real troubles life can throw at you."

[carpetedkitch]

Why the djinns are one of the coolest power systems ever in jrpgs

(minor disclaimer- it's been like 2-3 years since I last played golden sun, and I wanted to play the sequel with everything from the first but the emulator didn't allow me to do the save transfer thing so my knowledge is ever so slightly spotty)

So for those who don't know, the djinn are these little elemental goobers who your four party members equip to further enhance their elemental abilities. Each party member can carry up to 6, and are collected throughout the game, with some being optional and very missable (which I loathe but hey, this game is kinda old). They come in 4 elements: Venus(earth), Mars(fire), Mercury(water), Jupiter(wind).

The main kicker with these lads is there are three mechanics that the djinns operate upon:

1. THEY BE S'PLORIN

As is the case with most monster collector games (which isn't what this game is but the comparison helps) the djinn have the ability to interact with the overworked in different ways, depending on the number a party member has equipped. This is fairly box standard, and isn't the main thing that I love but the fact that this only scratches the surface.

2. THEY GOT MOVES

Each djinn has a name, and that name determines what they do in battle. For example, Fever the fire djinn will confuse enemies, whereas Forge the fire djinn will buff the party's next move. When you use a djinn, it goes on cool down for a fixed number of (the character's) turns. Pretty straightforward yeah?

Well there's this funny little mechanic that anyone who's played golden sun probably remember (except for me lmao, I had to Google it to remember), called Summons. Generally speaking, the more djinn of one element you have, the more powerful a summon you can get (at least that's the case in the first one, they've got some new ones in the sequel). It requires all of the required djinns to be usable, and consumes them on the use of the summon. It basically amounts to a super move with a really cool animation, and I recommend looking em up just to see. But that mechanic is generally only tied to the type of djinn, not the specific names of djinn. That being said, I thought it relevant to this cuz it is tied to the usability of the djinn in battle.

3. CHARACTER CLASSES

This is the system that diverges the most by far from anything else I've played, and the thing I've wanted to talk about the most.

To put it as simply as possible, a character is assigned a class based on two things: the base element of the hero, and what djinn they have equipped. There are three (ish) different types: mono-element, dual-element, and tri-element. And THAT, is how we end up with THESE WONDERFUL GRAPHS:

See each of those axes? Those represent a different number of specific element attached to a hero (djinn and native elements). And all of these are DIFFERENT CLASSES. which I don't need to say is fucking insane, and probably unnecessary in the grand scheme of things, but I just think it's so fucking cool. Generally, the more different elements a character has, as well as the greater number, the more powerful the moves the class will be able to access. There is also some native states associated with each class, but no actual stat GROWTHS associated with classes, meaning potential minmaxxing doesn't discourage experimentation.

Now that I've got all the mechanistic mineutia out of the way, i can get to the nuances that make me love this system and how well it's aged.

As far as RPGs go, I generally am a fan of those that encourage experimentation by way of challenging and varied fights that challenge the way you think about turn-based combat. Crystal Project, Monster Sanctuary (kinda), and Siralim are decent examples of this, and if you are a fan of incredibly deep team building mechanics PLEASE PLAY THEM. Plugging aside, Golden sun's djinn system is so elegant in its simplicity because it allows you for this level of customization that you very rarely get from older games, while also really encouraging you to experiment.

Also I said I would make this post like 6 months ago at least, but let it rot in the drafts, so I'm letting it roam free instead. Also feel free to discuss other similar power systems cuz I am curious if other games managed to achieve similar levels of nuance like this.

[delphiniumblooms]

HI @ninsletamain !!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR and here is your gift fic! you asked for Roommates/Neighbors, College AU, Angst with a happy ending, Fantasy AU, Recovering in the sick bay, and Fix-It, and I think I've got at least half of these prompts!

Inspired by a true story from my friend Treagus and my own experiences as a college student staying in dorms :)

There is something wrong with Jyn's thermostat.

She's checked the set temperature about ten times already in the past two hours and she's sure it's at 15°C, which is the minimum. The actual temperature it's showing, however, is 35°C. Thirty-five degrees! That's almost human body temperature. And it feels like it, too. She's already stripped down to a bra and shorts, and she's still sweating.

She's opened all her windows and it hasn't even helped. There's zero breeze. It's supposed to be winter, but her weather app says it's 20°C outside. It's absolutely ridiculous. Climate change and all that, she supposes.

It still doesn't explain why it's 35°C indoors, though.

She really doesn't have time for this. She has an assignment due in two hours, but it's way too hot to concentrate properly.

She jabs at the ‘set temperature’ button again and groans. Fuck student housing and its stupid broken shit.

Maybe one of her neighbours will know what to do about it. Even if not, the stairwell has to be cooler than her room.

She crosses the landing and knocks on the door opposite hers. No answer. Bodhi must be out.

Sighing, she troops downstairs. Is she imagining it, or is it getting hotter?

She raps on the door of one of the third-floor apartments, and thankfully, it opens.

“Uh, hi,” she says to the guy who opens it. She doesn't think she's seen him before, but then she doesn't really talk to anyone not on her floor anyway.

He looks at her quizzically.

“Um, I live directly upstairs. I think my thermostat's broken. I was wondering if you know what to do about it?”

“No, sorry. I just moved in yesterday,” he replies, frowning. “I'm here on exchange.”

“Oh,” she says, then it occurs to her to ask, “Is yours working? It feels kinda hot here too.”

He looks over his shoulder, presumably at his thermostat. “Yes, I think so.”

“What temperature do you have it at?”

“25,” he says.

“Oh my god.” Everything is clicking into place now. “Why do you have it at 25? That's hotter than it is outside! No wonder it's a fucking furnace in my room. Are you insane?”

“No. I'm just cold,” he snaps, scowling, and closes the door in her face.

“Dude!” she yells. What is with this guy?

She balls her hands into fists and stomps back upstairs. Screw this. She really needs to work.

She heads back upstairs to grab her laptop and makes a quick trip to the vending machine on the first floor for a cold drink. Alternating between taking swigs from it and holding the can against her neck, she balances her laptop on her knees in the stairwell between the first and second floors and tries her damndest to bang out something halfway decent. It’s still warm here, but it’s better than upstairs.

She clicks the ‘submit’ button three minutes before the deadline and waves her hands around in an attempt to dry off the sweat on them. At least this is done.

She shuts her laptop, tosses the can into the recycling bin, and climbs the stairs. Sure enough, it’s still 35 in her room. How is she going to get any sleep tonight?

Where is that guy even from and what’s his problem? Honestly, she didn’t even know you could turn the thermostat that high. She’d complain to the resident advisor, but he’s never in. This is what you get when you pick the cheapest apartment that can’t pay its staff. Next year, she’ll save on something else and rent a nicer place.

For now, all she can do is cuss the guy downstairs out while dabbing at her armpits with a damp towel. She’s a computing student. She can handle a night without sleep.

She spends the next day asleep in all her classes, but mercifully the temperature outside dips to 5 at night, and even if the floor is a little warm it’s a lot more bearable.

A couple days later, it occurs to her that she should probably apologise to Third Floor Guy. The weather is better now, and she’s getting used to the slightly heated floor. Being hot always makes her irritable and angry, but that’s not really a good excuse to be mean to some poor exchange student. She is under no delusion that she’s a good person, but she feels like she should try. After all, when she first moved in here two years ago, it helped that Bodhi was nice to her. She knows it’s partly because her dad told him to, but that’s fine.

She tells him as much over chips in his room, and he nods. “Yeah, I think you… you should. Doesn’t hurt to… be nice.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, okay. I'll… I'll leave the door… open. For moral… moral support.”

She takes a deep breath, reminds herself that it's normal if he reacts negatively, and troops down to the third floor.

Her hand hasn't even touched the door when she realises that it's been left a little ajar. She raps on the doorframe instead, and there is a soft, pained sound in reply.

“Hello?” she whispers, a little frightened. When she gets no answer, she pushes the door open.

Third Floor Guy is lying on the floor, and oh goodness fuck there is a lot of blood.

Shit shit shit shit shit fuck. She rushes to his side and touches his face. “Hello? Hello? What the fuck happened? Are you okay?”

He doesn't respond, and she looks around in panic, trying to figure out what he did to himself. There is a smudge of blood on the corner of the desk above him, and it looks like he hit his head on it. Holy shit.

“BODHI!” she bellows. “BODHI, CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE!”

“WHAT?” his voice echoes down the stairs.

Third Floor Guy has a head wound, and it looks like it's still bleeding.

“GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND CALL AN AMBULANCE!” She tries very hard to recall whatever first aid knowledge she has, and gets up quickly, grabbing the quilt off the bed and wadding it up, pressing it to the guy's head.

Bodhi comes crashing into the room. “Ambulance called. Ho… shit.”

“Yeah,” she replies. A thought seizes her. “Oh god, what if he dies thinking I'm an asshole?”

“Don't say that!” Bodhi snaps. “Is he breathing?”

She checks. “I think…?”

“Okay. Okay. How… how long—”

“They should be here in seven minutes,” she says. “If BBC Sherlock wasn't bullshitting.”

Bodhi stares at her and takes a deep breath.

“Don't you start hyperventilating, or I'm going to too and we'll use up all the oxygen in here.”

He breathes out. “Right.”

In a few minutes the room is awhirl with paramedics and Bodhi's looking like he really wants to get out of here, but she feels compelled to make sure this poor bastard is all right.

“I'll go with him. Help clean up later?”

Bodhi grimaces and nods.

She wedges herself into the ambulance with the stretcher and studies the pale, wan face atop it. He is dark-haired, moustached, and very thin. He looks ill, and small, and she starts to feel really bad about shouting at him for being cold.

“Will he wake up?” she asks the paramedic who's fitting an oxygen mask on him.

“Depends,” they say, and she wants to throw something.

They make her stay in the waiting area while they bring him to god knows where, and she paces nervously, then looks up a Wikihow article on getting blood out of carpet and texts it to Bodhi.

Will come back to help once he's ok.

Third Floor Guy ends up needing a couple of transfusions and a huge bandage covering one eye, but the stare she receives from the uncovered one when she's allowed to see him is very much alert and hateful and immediately makes her shift uncomfortably.

“I wanted to say I'm sorry,” she tells him. “And then I found you in a pool of your own blood.”

He continues to stare at her the same way, and she wonders if he didn't understand or he's sustained some brain damage from the fall.

“You're a university student?” a nurse asks him.

He nods.

“What's your name and major?”

“Cassian Andor. Political science and mechanical engineering.”

“Oh no,” Jyn moans. “He's still addled in the head.”

The nurse completely ignores her, checking this against a file they're holding. “No cognitive impairment,” they say. “You're all right,” they add over their shoulder as they leave the room.

“Seriously?” She can't help herself.

Cassian Andor shrugs. “Double degree.”

“I'm sorry—”

“They say I have iron-deficiency anaemia. Which is why I feel so cold. I never noticed because I come from a tropical country. It was a bad fall, but I got lucky. I'll get better.”

“Oh,” she says, feeling even more idiotic and terrible. “I am so sorry.”

“I'm sorry,” he says. “It's okay that you're hot.”

“Don't apologise. It makes me feel worse.”

But he turns his face towards her and gives her a small, lopsided smile that does things to her insides, and it registers in her head what he's said.

“Bodhi from my floor is cleaning your blood out of your carpet,” she blurts, because she can't think of what else to say.

“Okay,” he says, and his smile widens. He is a sight to behold, she thinks. The white bandage in his dark hair, the smile on his pale lips, the flirty joke despite the gravity of the situation.

“I'm not sure you don't have cognitive impairment.”

He shrugs again. “Who cares?”

[k1utzymitry]

rises the moon ₊˚⊹☆

chpt. 2: sun digs it’s heels to taunt you

<prev———next>

series mlist

choso x roommate!reader

you’re finally getting to know your roommate both of your feelings intensify every second you spend around him

wc: 3.3k

cw: language

as the bright summer skies start to darken, the trees outside start to change from a lively green to a mix of reds, oranges and yellows, and when the breeze starts to cool down you realize the school year is closer than expected and summer is coming to an end. you weren’t super excited to start school again. you’d much rather sleep in all day and stay up all night, but everything has to come to an end. it’s back to the normal routine that had you stressing and ripping your hair out. hopefully, the second year of college won’t be as tourtoreous as the first. Hopefully, your professors don’t overload your schedule with assignments, essays, and reports. you genuinely don’t know if you would be able to take it anymore if this year is just as bad as the last. but at least you aren’t alone this year. this year you have a roommate to keep you sane. though the two of you had just met you feel this sort of connection between you two. you feel like you’ve known him your entire life. you feel like if you spilled all your deepest secrets to him he would take it to his grave and never ever tell a soul. you felt this sort of instant comfort with him, maybe it’s because of his nervousness? maybe it’s because he looks like he couldn’t even lay a finger on a fly? maybe it’s because he’s insanely attra-

oh- he’s so attractive. maybe that’s why thoughts of him plague your mind and take over your brain. you’ve only known him a week and he’s taken over every thought in your brain. he’s so intoxicating. maybe it was his face, or maybe it was the way he was so soft spoken? maybe it was the way he looked so focused while he worked and played his guitar? maybe it was all of those things, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. you felt this sort of foreign connection with him that you couldn’t find anywhere else. every time you think about him you find it incredibly hard to stop. to be honest you think it’s quite embarrassing that you could fall in love with someone you hardly know. you don’t even know how old he is for heaven's sake! yes it’s shameful but you just can’t help it. he’s just sooo cuteee!!

you didn’t notice but you’ve been fantasizing and squealing for the past 45 minutes. if anyone were to pass by your room they would think you’re getting kidnapped or something. but you just can’t stop thinking about him. he’s just soooo dreamy!! okay for real stop now. you think that you should lock in, and actually start thinking about school. now that you finished setting up your room it’s time to start setting up your schedule. summers coming to its end and the fall semester is in less than a week! as your thinking about your semester classes you snap to your senses when you hear a knock at your bedroom door. you arise from your bed to crack open the door and see choso. once you see him you realize you have to act like you weren’t just creating fantasies about him. which is hard considering the fact he’s right in front of you.

“hey choso what’s up?” you're surprised you got your words out without completely stumbling over every single word. you give him a smile as you lean against the door frame.

“i was uh wondering if you wanted anything for dinner, since neither of us h-have gone grocery shopping yet.” as he messes with the hem of his hoodie. “i was about to go pick some up if, you wanted anything..” he looks away from you during that last portion and his words fade out.

“oh! yeah lemme put my shoes on and i’ll be right out!” you said then rushed to grab said things. he didn’t expect you to want to come with him but he won’t deny it. if anything, he's excited. since the moment he saw you he knew he was in for a roller coaster.

“okay, ready when you are!” he practically felt like he was melting when you gave him the kindest smile. he couldn’t even believe that you even said yes, he wasn’t expecting you to want to come with him in the first place.

“we can go now” you follow him out the room setting the door behind you. Both of you leave small dorm room and make your way to the elevator. The elevator was silent, but you could feel him staring at you through the mirror conviently placed in the elevator, though you decide to say nothing about it. The elevator came to a slow stop as you reached the ground floor.

“ so what are we getting cho?” You mention as you're both walking to the parking lot. The nickname again makes him flush a bit, it’s not noticeable to the fact it’s dark outside.

“anything you want, i’m not too picky. plus i picked last time.” you then reached choso car. it looks pretty new, sleek, black, probably real expensive, it definitely suits him. he then pulls out his keys and unlock the doors. you step into the passenger side and get settled into his car. the interior is also nice, spacious, black leather seats, a touch screen radio, you really wonder how he could afford such a nice car.

“anything i want? hmm.” you put your mind to work for what you wanted but you genuinely couldn’t think of anything.

“well not anything. some places are probably closed by now because of how late it is. and i’m not made out of money.” but i'd buy you the whole world if i could is what he wanted to say. he doesn’t understand why. he’s never even thought of saying those kinds of things to anyone else so he doesn’t know why all of a sudden he would to you. he’s only known you for about a week and his mind is stuck on thoughts of you.

‘this is going to be a torturous year if i don’t get over this’ he thinks to himself as he spaces out. but is snapped out of it when he hears your voice.

“uhmm i think that one italian place down sunshine street is open 24 hours, it’s a bit far from the university though. if you want to check it out.” your face was hardly illuminated due to the lack of lights but he could tell you were giving him that same sweet smile.

“yeah we can go, i’ll just need to stop for gas first.” he says as he starts pulling out of the parking lot. “you can play music if you want. i’m not picky about what kind.” he glances over at you to see you giggling at him. this made him turn entirely red and put his focus back on the road.

“what’s funny” by his expression you could tell he was confused and embarrassed.

“why are you acting so serious and nonchalant? are you scared to look at me or something? loosen up a bit.” and with that his shoulders dropped and his breathing slowed down you could tell he was tense.

“no, and uh sorry.” his face was still red you could tell by the street lights.

“you don’t have to apologize. i’m not gonna be mad or anything. do you think i’m scary?” he pulled the car into a gas pump by the nearest gas station before putting the car in park.

“no, i just think you’re really pretty.” and with that he was out of the car headed to the inside convenience store leaving you with that statement plaguing your thoughts.

wait what did he say? did he say that i’m pretty? does he actually think i’m pretty? those thoughts were running through your head like a wildfire. you glance through the window again to see choso already walking back to the car. you were frozen you didn’t even know what you were going to say to that. as your stare at him you do think he is cute, and almost exactly your type. he stands on the side of the car by the gas pump and quietly waits as the car fills up with fuel. you never thought someone’s side profile could look so hot but it felt like your heart was stopping and restarting the longer you looked at him. he then finished and got back into the car. it was silent. not another word was exchanged between the two of you. not that it was necessarily awkward, but you still couldn’t wrap your mind around the statement he made. it wasn't like it was anything out of the ordinary or anything you’ve been called pretty a bunch of times but it felt different when it came from him. you couldn’t quite put your finger on why it was only him that made you feel this way. not that you didn’t believe in love at first sight, but there’s no way it could happen this fast and over a simple comment. right?

the drive to the shop took a bit longer than expected, the silence eventually getting to you making you turn up the radio slightly. throughout the rest of the drive you’re mostly just playing with your hair while you look out the window. when he pulls into the drive through at the shop he turns to you before asking do you already know what you want it felt nice to be reassured that he would still talk to you. from the silence he displayed not long ago you were afraid he went non verbal and would never speak again. but it was also bad that you didn’t even think of it. you’ve only been to this place once and you didn’t even think to look up the menu online. you turn to face him before you shake your head. he then pointed at the brightly lit menu by him. you read the menu and tell the drive through worker what you want and so does choso and sooner or later you’re at the first window. you reach into your pocket and pull out your wallet and go for your card. he puts his hand over yours stopping your movements before saying..

“it’s okay i’ll pay.” you look at him sorta shocked. “it’s not that much i’ll pay for myself. plus you paid for both of us last time we got food.” he gave you a dirty glare which you really hoped he didn’t mean but that quickly made you put your wallet up. He then pulled out his own and gave his card to the worker once they went over the order. He then got the receipt and pulled up to the next window. He put the car in park and waited silently. It wasn't as awkward as earlier but it definitely wasn't ideal to be sitting in silence with a guy that's so cute. Some girls and maybe even some guys would be flocking to be you in this situation, you can't say this experience is incredibly terrible though. You are getting free food out of this and it is much better than being cooped up in your small dorm room stressing about the school year that's about to start in a couple of days. The silence is sickeningly loud, and the tension in such a small vehicle was thick enough to cut through. You wanted to say something desperately but you couldn't think of the right words to say. You didn't want him to think of you in some kind of way. It's not like you wanted to stay silent, you just didn't want to say the wrong thing.

Him on the other hand.. he was freaking out mentally. He's glad he didn't start physically shaking, he probably would have if it was anybody else but he doesn't want to seem like some kind of wimp in front of you. Your first impressions with you were already bad enough when he couldn't say a single sentence without stuttering up a storm, and the past week the both of you have been in the dorm together the two of you have hardly said a word to one another. When he came to your room and asked if you wanted food it took him 3 days to muster up the confidence. He thinks he should be ashamed because how does it even take that long?? It's not like he was expecting to share a dorm with a girl, a pretty girl at that. He thought it was gonna be separated by boys and girls, like most places are but he cant say hes mad about the decision to put the two of you in a dorm together. And it's not like you two are sharing a room anyways, you're both on two completely opposite ends of the dorm itself. He realizes he's been spacing out when he feels something tap his right shoulder and he hears his name repeatedly being called by such a sweet voice.

“Choso.. Hey choooo. chosoo. choooooooo…” you kept repeating his name hoping to grab his attention. When you realized simply just saying his name wasn't going to grasp his attention you turned to repeatedly tapping him and calling his name. Which did eventually work when he looked like he saw a ghost or something by the way he practically jumped out of his skin. He averted his eyes to you from the dashboard creating intense eye contact between you and him. his attention was fully on you now. his eyes held a power you couldn’t describe. it was almost hypnotizing the way he was looking at you like he was longing for you. You can't lie, he was pretty handsome and just your type. You had completely forgotten what you were going to say as the two of you just stared at each other. there was a comfortable yet intense silence. Which just had to be ruined by a worker knocking on the glass window. Choso then rolled down the window as fast as it could go, which was still relatively slow.

“Sorry to interrupt you little love birds, but I have your order.” The elderly woman handed choso a bag with two foam plates in it. And before you or choso could correct the woman she was scurrying off back to work. Choso hands you the bag before putting the car in drive and hurrying out of the store's parking lot. The car ride was silent along with faint rock music playing in the background, the car was at a steady pace as he drove fast down the highway. It was until you realized you were going the direct opposite way of the dorms. It's not that you didn't trust him, more like just confused.

“Choso, where are we going?” you glance at him and ask quietly.

“Do you trust me?” The car slows down some as he comes to a turn. You could say no and he would probably drive you back to the dorm, or you could continue with this and let him take you to god knows where. To say you were curious was an understatement. But to think rationally why would he even take you, you're quite literally roommates. He would obviously be the number one suspect if you went missing. You don't think he's that dumb. Right? Before you can even come up with a decision, curiosity took over you and blurted out ‘yes’. The car then started to step up back to its normal fast and steady pace.

“I promise i wont hurt you.. you seemed hesitant is all.” he glaces at you again before putting his attention back on the road. “that’s something a kidnapper would say..”

“do i look like a kidnapper sweetheart?”

that nickname was all it took for the both of you to practically switch places.. you turned into the timid one and he seemed as confident as ever.

“i mean..” you dragged out the end as he sighed. “well on the bright side you’re not an ugly kidnapper. i would hate to be kidnapped especially by someone who wasn’t my type.” …why did you just say that..? the last part just slipped out, you had meant to say ‘i would hate to be kidnapped by someone who was ugly” but i guess even your own body isn’t on your side tonight.

“i’m your type?” his eyes don’t leave the road, and yours don’t leave the dashboard. you absolutely cannot look at him right now not after your slip up.

“well.. there’s a lot of guys that look like you.. like the emo, punkish,and grungy look. a lot of girls, or guys if you’re into that; like that kind of stuff nowadays.” the quick excuse doesn’t cover up what you said but it’s the first thing that came to mind.

“uh huh…” you can tell he doesn’t believe you completely so you just stay quiet and enjoy the rest of the ride to this mysterious location.

around 15 minutes later, you arrive. the car comes to a stop and his seatbelt comes undone, so you undo yours as well. he then pushes his seat back as far as possible, and you mirror his actions. he reached into the backseat and pulled the two foam plates and handed you one with some plastic utensils and set one on his lap. you then finally look up out the front window and see a thousand stars glimmering and beaming in the sky. it was absolutely beautiful.

“choso… where are we..?”

“we’re only a city over don’t worry. but this is where i go when i go late night driving. it’s isolated.. no one comes around here. real calm over here.” faint music plays in the background as choso starts to eat his food. you also begin to eat. you notice choso keeps looking up at you, but you keep it to yourself. it was until he spoke.

“can i get a bite of your food.. it looks really good.” you giggle at him before picking up a good sized piece and bringing it towards his mouth. he chuckles a bit before opening his mouth and taking a bite out of the food and chewing. his eye light up at the taste. it’s different from his usual flavor palette.

“can i get a bite of yours?” you ask staring at his plate. he picks up his fork and brings it towards your mouth. you take the bite and begin to chew. it’s much different from what you ordered. it’s actually really spicy. you reach over to a bottle of water that mysterious sat in chosos car.

“hold on you’ve gotten something right..” chosos hand grabs your face as you turn to face him once more. he wipes the corner of your lips removing a previous crumbs. yet his hand doesn’t leave, nor do his eyes from yours. he stares deeply into your pupils as you look into his dark ones. you don’t realize it but during this intense staring you both started to lean in before both of your lips collided in a passionate kiss. it wasn’t quick. he held you there as the kids grew longer. soon you melted into it and let yourself go. but even quicker than that you both were out of breath. you both pull back and lock eyes once more, and you’re both rendered completely speechless

-

a/n

please don’t ask me why it took over 2 months.. i don’t wanna talk about it. BUT UM CHAPTER 3 WILL BE OUT SOON I SWEAR.. okay i don’t swear but it is a wip rn meaning it wont be TOO much longer but yk me ;) (if there are any mistakes don’t be afraid to point them out) -dmitry

[7-penguins-eat-icecream]

Aventurine as an undercover uni student AU Part 2

Part One here!

Like ever since i made that first post, I've been thinking about one thing in particular with this au ever since. The first part thinks a lot about Veritas Prime. Haven't really been given much lore yet, but everyday I pray for more Ratio lore so hopefully the day will come.

This idea came to me in pure vibes. Like Aven going down the hallways after class and sees Ratio in the hallways. He isn't supposed to know Ratio in public so he has to keep on moving forward as if he isn't going a bit feral over seeing him. They make eye contact (yes, through the plaster head). To him, its giving The Meeting on the Turret Stairs (1864)

Anyway. Veritas Prime and Ratio: like be so fr that uni is MILKING its relation with ratio and i wouldn't be surprised if the students similarly idolised Ratio like how the researches during the Mundane quest idolised the Geniuses oof

-> considering that Ratio has a pass rate of 3%, i imagine that any students who passed his classes are probably gossiped a lot, especially becasue there aren't a lot of them lol.

->I'm plannning on Aven having two flatmates who actually passed one of Ratio's classes and are now stuck with him for another semester hah. They both complain about having 9 AM lectures with Ratio. Let's just say that Aven's living situation whilst in the uni was not a randomised event ;)

Whilst the uni cannot use Ratio's face for every single piece of merch (tacky and maybe illegal, depending on whether Ratio is cool with it), so they can make merch inspired off of him. It's just ducks LMAOO. So ofc when Aven attends he just buys all of the merch relating to ratio just "for the bit" and to "tease Ratio". Anyway I don't think any of the students there would be sane so i wonder if there is like illegal underground Ratio merch. Like those scammy ones that say stuff like: "buy this shirt with a distinguished lil duck on it and you will pass your final exams. Ignore this and you will have Ratio next semester". Speaking of that, considering Ratio's celeb status like i decided that there are defo shady ass legends surrounding him like: "if you turn off your bathroom light and chant into the mirror 'nous was right' 100 times dr ratio manifests himself and gives you a pop quiz and kills you if you don't get a passing grade (99.9%)

-> why are my braincells focusing on a fictional uni's societies instead of my own uni assignments smh. Anyway i thought that having a duck watching society there would be a cute idea, especially if Ratio was once the President of the society back when he was younger (the only way he interacted with his peers back then RIP)

-> secondly i love how the fandom (including me) saw that he likes rubber ducks and decided that it was a core part of his personality. Wonder if people have unironically tried bribing him with prestigious rubber duckies

-> every single year there are rumours that if you go to the duck watching society you gain enlightenment. after a couple of weeks it leaves only the people who actually like bird watching there. Aven checks it out of boredom.

The schedule of a Stoneheart is probably hella long. In comparison it feels as if theres nothing for Aven to do whilst in uni apart from 'having fun' and 'discovering himself', basically one of the big reasons why people consider going to uni/college

-> i think that forcing Aven into an environment where he doesn't need to do all of That (gambling, high stakes, risking his life, Corporate, taking on a certain persona for the amber lord, etc. etc.) is interesting. Honestly i don't know if i have a very good grasp on Aven's characterization so if anyone has extra ideas im not kidding i'd love to hear them. My current ideas are: you can take the insane gambler out of Pier point but.... so even though he is 'free' from his role as Aven (in speech marks bc would he ever feel free from the IPC, from his inherently unjust destiny, all of his persons, and also because him being a uni student isn't exactly real or very long) he may still hold onto some of those habits.

-> so maybe he would still have a very gaudy sense of fashion (he has impecable fashion imo. i love COLOUR and SLUTTY CUTOUTS, I AM A SIMPLE PERSON) and entering into the occasional competition or bet for fun. But as Ratio did encourage him to explore with things he wouldn't really get away with as a stoneheart, Aven does experiment with his fashion. Like those ugly-ass earrings that never saw the light of day before? Those clearly fake gold rings that make your fingers green? Glitter? Fair game now because no one sensible cares about that sort of thing in uni. Idk if its because I decided i wanted to put on extra af makeup just to go to the grocery store whilst in uni, but i think it would be cool if Aven also experimented with that. Like from using makeup just to cover your dark circles and looking 'acceptable' to putting on obnoxiously loud eye shadow and expressing yourself in another way. (speaking of eyes, he'd be wearing contacts here, can't remember if i put that in the last post? Keep in mind that no eye contacts can give him back the light in his eyes lol)

-> Speaking of gambling, maybe he'd still do it, but with games he wouldn't usually go for (like from poker to mahjong celestial jade?? I don't know enough about gambling. Why did i have to attach myself to a really smart guy and his gambling bf???). Defo does not stake his life or 50 million credits this time around. One of my friends went to a casino to play mahjong but there was no money involved, so maybe that could be another approach, but would that be enough enrichment for Aven though...?

-> his next hobby (that starts off as ironic) is showing up to the Dr Ratio fanclub and demolishing every single fan there. In his essays, he makes sure to reference Ratio's work at least once. He uses the uni library to read Ratio's articles because he is down BAD. People fear that he's developed a parasocial relationship with Dr Ratio. They don't know it's even worse than that /j

Safe to say that Aven still stands out even in a uni full of eccentrics lol

Ideas for the aforementioned OCs: they'd probably play a relatively big part in the story by lowkey adopting Aven (in a "omg that's a first year! absolute child right there --- wait why does he have no light in his eyes?! Well we're now friends" type of way) but IDK. Like usually im pretty wishy washy on having a focus on OCs, but because this AU is set in VP Uni and I wanted Aven to be friends with his two flatmates I thought I might play around with it.

-> Li Bingmei: (李冰梅) an engineering foxian student from the Luofu in her final year, had Ratio for her last semester and her hairline has been flying away since. Notorious in the uni for a) being stuck with dr ratio and b) getting hit by a car whilst on the way to her engineering exams last semester (Dr Ratio took her to the hospital). Is pretty frugal so she just brings her gaming computer to class. When it starts up, each time it sounds like the computer may finally explode. The only thing she has there is university stuff, several viruses and one singular game: the Sims 4 (plus 201 mods). She plays it because it allows her to mess around with fuckass building design and not care about the laws of physics. Her student ID from first year smiled; she now does not give a shit.

-> Leo. A med student, also in his final year. He's from Veritas Prime and mainly decided to attend because it was close to his home, secondly because it was one of the best universities in the whole ass galaxy. Notorious for getting the most chalk throws out of any student (no official record, Ratio neither confirms or deny whether this is true, but his high score is 13 chalk throws in one week. ) One of those medical students who parties nearly every night til 3am but shows up to their 9am every single time. When you look at him, he seems to have no thoughts or survival instincts within him. Has fallen asleep in Ratio's lectures several times but still answers each question to a satisfactorily level. Is extremely concerned for Kakavasha because he thinks that there's a really borderline-toxic parasocial relationship between him and Ratio, ALSO thinks he has a weird situationship with an unknown man because he saw a concerning text message. (It's just Ratio under a different contact name, think 'my dearest pookie bear' or something. Also it was just Ratio contacting Aven about "the children missing him grievously". It was about the cake cats, who were left in his care. The only thing that makes them stop crying is Ratio framing pictures of Aven in the living as if Aven died.)

(I find names really hard. It's lowkey the only thing stopping me from writing about Aven's siter. Asked my friend for some chinese name ideas and hit me with Li Bing, who was a famous chinese hydraulic engineer from 3 b.c. Over the panic call, she told me: the common li family name, then bing as in ice, AKA luo binghe's bing. I decided to add mei because luo binghe's nickname is bingmei because i thought it would be funny. The mei in her name is for plum blossom, not little sister don't worry haha. If my naming sucks ass, please lmk i'm not a native speaker. I chose Leo after my friend who is currently in med school. 50% chance I'll tell him that an OC is named after his middle name.)

Ty for reading this far 💜💚

And ty to @ies999 for letting me ramble about some HCs here!

[milfygerard]

You laugh but I wonder if you're an agent assigned to my niche interests 😅

I feel I might be too autistic to see the gray area here and it's making me wary of anyone I've ever interacted with

sorry for laughing im sure this is genuinely a bit paranoia inducing, its just an extremely twitter thing to happen. Tumblr isnt important enough to have CIA agents everyone here just yells at each other aimlessly we dont even have real organizations on here nevermind decentralized anarchist circles to infiltrate they all go to actually anonymous places or avoid the internet entirely. Tumblr is not a website that matters, cia has ppl on twitter bc twitter matters but no one expects for important people to be on tumblr.

idrk how helpful that is for yr paranoia but i hope it put u somewhat at ease. Also anon I cant say who you are due to your anonymity but unless you are part of a decentralized anarchist ring or secretly part of the proud boys the CIA could not care less about you, and if yr worried abt me then im probably a pretty easily doxxable online presence so if u dig around a bit you could probably find my instagram by accident 👍 I should never start a youtube channel swifties would firebomb my childhood home 👍

my more genuine advice is to remember some of the core rules of internet safety and interaction like 1. it is safer to assume that ppl on the internet are lying about themselves in one way or another. Don't assume you know someone just because you follow them on twitter or are in a big discord chat together and 2. share as little easily identifiable personal information as possible, especially if you are involved in any sort of leftist group, you have committed any sort of crime, or you are at risk of being found by an abusive figure or stalker. General life advice dont trust personalities from any website where getting attention makes you money or gives you actual social power. This can include tumblr but both bc of how followers are hidden and the sites cultural loss of importance yr less likely to end up being tricked by a secret cia agent and more likely to be tricked by a bored teen or a low level scammer or like...idk a deeply unwell classics major who demolishes friend groups between classes and uses peach. Is that a person who exists? that's probably a person who exists.

i fully had another point that I forgot while inventing the peach mutual but yeah anon uh, sometimes weird shit like this just happens and you just cant let it make you paranoid bc life is weird. Maybe its worth going back thru the acct and seeing if there were red flags that u could keep an eye out for in the future but honestly also dont worry yourself too much if you dont have like close ties to local leftist movements bc youll only ever be an incidental victim of someone lying to you rather than a target.

[friendlyorange]

The weirdest thing about going to college for teaching in the united states is the giant CANYON of disconnect between what we're taught and what we actually do in a classroom.

like we're taught how to diversify methods of instruction in order to most equitably reach the diverse populations of our classrooms and inspire them to do their best writing/reading/speaking (im an English teaching major) but then in reality the students in your classroom are insanely below the level they need to be at in order to engage with age-appropriate lessons for them

we're taught how to take common core standards and transform them into meaningful and deep lessons but we're only given 45-90 mins of planning per day (if we're lucky) and the rest needs to be done outside of school or after hours if you can't do it quickly enough, and teachers are always expected to do research outside of the classroom, as well as collaboration, tweaking of lesson plans, etc.

we're told that students crave learning and they crave fun projects and they crave kinesthetic exercises, but then when I try those things in the classroom everyone complains and halfasses their participation, and im lucky if half of them actually pass something in, whether its an assignment, a test, a project, or an assessment.

we're told that we need to have open communication not only between teachers but between teachers and admin and parents, but then im lucky if one of the ten parents I email about their kid failing emails me back, and im luckier if admin takes a behaviorally disturbed student out of my class for insulting me or other students.

like... i guess my point is that teaching education is so idyllic and utopian, and actual classrooms are a goddamn nightmare of behavioral issues, lack of time/resources, exhausting interactions with students who don't want to be there or participate, and insane expectations from students, parents, and admin alike.

Like... no wonder the teaching field is hemorrhaging teachers right now. How can ANYONE work under the insane conditions we're forced to try and teach in. I'm so tired and I'm not even out of school yet. It's actually psychotic.

[spacesymbol]

heyyyyy. crazy month and a half, am i right? 😅

my sincerest apologies for the truckload of reblogs.... plus even more sincere apologies if i reblogged a very old post of yours that you forgot about 😭

ive had those sitting in my drafts for a WHILE so that they wouldnt get drowned in my likes.... but i have some weird mental hangup about posting here without also posting a Life Update..... but i kept procrastinating actually writing a Life Update..... so here we are!!

anyways. that being said. LIFE UPDATE TIME!!!!! (no cut since theres actually some very important stuff in here)

first and somewhat foremost, i submitted SEVEN college applications exactly a month ago. for context, my entire applying list (as of right now) is only nine schools. and i procrastinated SO HARD on the application materials.... it was soooo bad. basically mid october to early november was the most stressed i have ever felt in recent memory 😁👍 and i coped with it soooo well, as i historically always do (sarcasm)

the fall play(s) also recently came and went!!! the rehearsal process wasnt that bad, it was moreso just anxiety provoking since i was constantly saying "yeah it (the show) will come together eventually" even when opening night was a few days away... but the show(s) did come together!! at least, my two scenes did. i honestly can't speak for anyone else, but my scenes both went fine during all three performances with minor errors, if any

although, the week of performances and the last few days of tech was so very brutal. i had to be in the theater until 8pm or later every single day of that week (november 18th to the 23rd), which meant i was in school for over twelve hours each school day. i had to put a lot of things on the backburner to focus on the show (and not losing my mind) that week, and schoolwork was one of them.... so i am currently once again in overdue assignments hell. my classes have been fine other than that though!!!

my mental, emotional, and physical health also definitely have been on the backburner for a WHILE now.... a wonderful example is how i havent seen my therapist in two months now, and for context, im supposed to see her once a week!!! so im clearly doing fine (sarcasm). its weird though, the play honestly wasnt that distressing for me, since i had already hit mental rock bottom earlier that month because of college applications

my physical health has also Not Been Good at all.... one of my scenes in the play (the gay one) involved a shit ton of stage falls.... and our stage is made of polished wood. we took all the necessary precautions to protect my bad knee (knee pads), but that didnt do much to prevent the ridiculous amount of bruising all over my body that i still have a week after the final show.....

eating has also been Bad. but i wont go into details about that 🫶 ive been able to keep having regular appointments with my dietitian, so genuinely dont worry about that. i will be fine!!

ive also been like. mentally checked out for a while, i guess. like i mentioned, ive been doing some research into dissociative disorders and symptoms to get more clarity on if im a system or not (which i do have an answer on btw), and i think the best term to describe it is depersonalization?

and uh. okay this is actually really important. about the system thing, i came to the conclusion after a LOT of research and self reflection that i do not think i am (or ever was) a plural system. i dont think i should post the entire esaay i wrote on how i came to this conclusion (because i dont think most of you want to read all that). but if any mutuals want, i am MORE than happy to dm the whole explanation, since i know it might raise some eyebrows that i suddenly dont identify that way anymore

however, the tldr is that im pretty sure i have dissociative amnesia instead, because i never once experienced amnesia between the personas that i thought were alters, and these personas were never really that separate from me, moreso extensions of me in terms of personality, if that makes sense. there were also some.... quirks of how my "system" operated that also made me suspicious, like how i was basically always frontstuck, and how my "frequent fronters" ALWAYS aligned with my interests at the time. i honestly think that i only arrived at the conclusion that i was a system in the first place because of the environment i was in at the time (the majority my friends at the time had the system realization and were talking about it), and the fact that no one ever really questioned me being one. which im NOT saying that i wish people had, since thats rightfully a very rude thing to do, but i definitely would have benefited from someone kindly calling all that into question, yknow?

the biggest takeaway though, should be that i didnt know until very recently. there is a world of difference between intentionally lying about being a system, and unknowingly being wrong about being a system. the MOMENT i started to suspect that i was wrong, i made it known here (in the previous Life Update) and on twitter, and i refrained from using any system terminology for myself until i came to a definitive conclusion, which i only did recently. additionally, i recently removed the system section from my pronouns dot cc, and my simplyplural account is still up, but obviously not in use

ummm. other personal updates.... im hopefully going to start legal and medical transition soon?? my stepsister (also trans) has been pushing my mom and stepdad for it as a result of the election, which sparks the conversation for me by extension

as you can probably tell by the majority of the recent reblogs, the release of season 2 reawakened my dormant arcane hyperfixation 😭 it somehow came back even stronger??? if any of you happen to remember my jayvik posting from november 2021, you deserve a spacesymbol elders discount....

what else..... oh um!!!! i had an awesome joe cool (snoopy) costume for halloween this year that i made extremely last minute :)

okay. okay!!!!!!! in terms of the future!!!! im on thanksgiving break right now until this tuesday and the break is Extremely welcome.... the spring musical (aka my final high school theater show) has already been announced, and its curtains, which should be exciting, but i dont have to think about that for a While....

in terms of like Immediately upcoming things, my schools robotics team has our first qualifier coming up so im gonna have to lock in on preparing for that soon.... for college stuff, i should be getting two decisions fairly soon (one from my early decision school and one from a rolling deadlines school), and i have two more applications for early january, but all i really have to do for them is finish writing their supplements..... so HOPEFULLY i should be slightly more active on here??? i feel like every time i say that i end up jinxing myself for inactivity, though. so honestly, who knows!!! but i dont really have as much of a Pressing Reason to not be active here, i guess

thats all.... jesus fuck i wrote a lot. my bad!!! no wonder i procrastinated writing this GODDAMN!!!!

[boobiespasta]

instead of rambling on twitter in its cramped, claustrophobic threads format i've chosen. just the one time. to ramble here. some of the stuff that's been bouncing around in my head for the past 2 weeks. it's weird being so hyperfixated on life instead of media for a change, which really isn't as sexy and awesome as i think it's cracked up to be because instead of rambling about silly creatures from a fictional universe all i do now is just. ramble about life. the times. and i'm just gloomy about it all the time. extremely long winded ramble about politics under the cut

i absolutely refuse to shut up about palestine for one. a palestinian alumni/fellow of my school, his family, his children, all one of the absolutely fucking unforgivable amount of refugees in the jabalia camp who were killed. obviously he is so, so far from the only life to have been taken in the atrocities, but my fucking school's newspaper has been fucking things up spectacularly when it comes to "coverage" and my school in general just. i get so fucking angry. our alumns are dying and yet my school chooses in its official statements to mostly address israel and the alleged peril our jewish student population... when i've been following on ig every palestinian student org for my school i can find and they've been begging for some publicity or support from the school it's just so fucking vile. it makes me so upset that i got lazy and literally was too busy gaming the day of transfer apps and now i'm stuck at this fucking... state uni, possibly rotting here for my undergrad. at the same time god forbid i follow in my father's ivy league footsteps and shoot for ivy league because fucking COLOMBIA and UPENN are being TARGETTED by the FUCKING c2n@ry or5aniz@ti0n which. i literally cannot fucking express how fucking angry the fact that that exists at all makes me. the future of our generation's activism is cast deep in the shadow of our incompetent fucking predecessors. god forbid we get younger voices in power! god forbid we protest to make a difference, lest we get actual targets put on our heads! and i've listened to the contrary as much as i loathed to, because that's what makes a productive opinion. synthesis. and i have never felt less compelled by a counter stance before. every day videos of parents holding the dismembered limbs of their children, israelis making a tiktok trend out of kidnapping and or mocking palestinians, the sitting head of the UN in new york releasing a letter of resignation because of the anguish he feels watching an organization dedicated to peace fail so miserably at its job... all of it should radicalize everyone. people should be making calls to their representatives, keeping discussions frequent. making sure everyone around you knows that antizionism does NOT equal antisemitism. i will not argue to the contrary; i grew up conservative and with a devil's advocate personality, and i think anyone even considering a neutral stance should genuinely be ashamed of themselves.

in other only slightly less depressing news, taking a class on korean diaspora has made me go through so many different identity shifts in the past few weeks and i feel like it's just made me gloomier. i'm taking an upper classman seminar class about korean diasporic activism through performing arts which was so hilariously specific that i laughed when i realized it was my only option (i tested out of every other korean level) and i was like well i'm korean diaspora this should be so easy but it's genuinely the most challenging class i've ever taken. every week lately i've just cried and cried reading the texts we're assigned to read because i've never felt so seen and so doomed before. i did a presentation on a WONDERFUL text excerpt by professor emerita at uc berkeley elaine h. kim that spoke to all of the racism i endured growing up, the first generation child that "rises above" their immigrant parents and finds success in the model minority mold by exploiting, exoticizing, fetishizing their own identity... i learned in the past few weeks (so genuinely very recently) that, despite my appearance, i'll never be a true korean; a native korean will never understand the extent of the discrimination i faced. being afraid to eat ethnic food in front of peers fear of it being called smelly or stolen altogether, getting slotted into the japanese/chinese binary categories before the rise of kpop, why i get so excited to see ethnic korean faces and food, my struggle to take my diverse interests and fit them into a cookie cutter mold to one of the most violently homogenous societies on earth, why any korean child in america like me would ever want to be white if that meant we wouldn't stick out. nor am i a true american; this being more self explanatory, of course. what does that make me? an imbricate mongrel of the two identities? i learned, in fact, that i am korean-american: something almost entirely independent of both nationalities. i learned that korean-americans have a rich history of finding ourselves in places we don't belong and making establishing loud communities to fight for our own rights. immigrating to hawai'i in the early 1900's, establishing committees and supporting our motherland who ultimately turned around and spat in our faces. our new place was almost just as unwelcoming; and after weaseling our way into black communities without first addressing racism, koreans found ourselves at the apex of black and brown anger across america during the la riots (to be korean-american is to be born with the blood of latasha harlins on your hands). we were desperate to distance ourselves from the japanese, triply in a bout of patriotic self-perceived superiority, rise beyond a race of people who tried to ethnically cleanse us, and in an attempt to prove we were "one of the good ones," but we were still placed in japanese internment camps. we're still expected to prostrate ourselves at the feet of every wrinkly us vet with a korean war badge on their hat. "we saved your gook asses."

but to be asian-american at all is also to be doomed to a life of never rising beyond the model minority ceiling. the model minority "model" as it were promises a life of permanent mediocrity in exchange for some semblance of security (and even then we're a dime a dozen; all competing against each other and evolving like bacteria, we cannibalize ourselves anyway and suddenly our employers' jobs have gotten that much easier). those who try to rise beyond the model and prove themselves to society more often than not, not deemed exemplary, but instead seen as having fulfilled their life cycle or reached their point of maturity in the "life of the species" (chay yew); they're in turn locked into to a life of monotony as they've "found their niche" as analyst hyeon youngbin puts it... "everything one achieves after entering the system is attributed not to the individual’s ability but to the efficacy of model minority status; the more you achieve, the more you justify the model minority." asian-americans in particular will always, no matter what they do, perpetuate the model minority in our attempts to achieve our "ideal labour" (youngbin); those who defy it suffer for it and are seen as asians who failed or weren't smart enough, those who fit comfortably into it perpetuate its abuse and are oftentimes miserable (as one tends to be living a life in servitude of/being a poster child of capitalism despite rarely being rewarded for it), and those who try to challenge and overcome it simply come to realize that the ceiling is both low and infinite, and that they, if anything, are inadvertently the most aggressive contributors to model minority-isms.

anyway. ive been really bothered and gloomier than usual because of this shit. its nice to be able to type it all out without the breaks in concentration between thread tweets

[mindsendelf]

I SOMEHOW ended up in Accelerated English in my junior year back in the Early 00's, and my ADHD ass could NOT read the books they required us to read. My eyes would glaze over as I reread the same two pages over and over again, brain not absorbing anything that happened in the books. They just held no interest, supplied no dopamine, my executives refused to function long enough to consume an iota of information. However I passed the class partially because we'd form groups of four and have to present the *meanings* of the book. And I ended up in a team that had one kid who wanted to be an English major and had already read the book five times before it was assigned to us, another member who was spectacular at writing notes, creating a sort of cliffnotes version of the chapter, and their friend who was passing by copying their answers. My role was the Bullshitter, teacher redirector and test staller. I took the cliffnotes version and would come out with all these different "Deeper hidden meanings" and when I saw the teachers eyes widen I'd push that point, and she'd start talking about it with me, and then I'd go "Its like in [different media] where [similar thing]" and eventually lead her down other paths beyond the chapter, and lead the teacher down a path of dolphin thoughts, sometimes topics other students suggested I try to get her to before class when they'd ask me to stall for time and prevent the test from happening cause they had other tests they needed to study for after class and hadn't had time to study for this one. Everytime we ended up back on topic of the actual book we were reading, I'd twist a point and pull her away from it once more, sending her on a merry dance of back and forth, a waltz that constantly pulled her into other media such as Lion King or Don Bluth cartoons, leaving there to be no time for anyone else to do their reports and often leaving her leaning in her chair as we packed up after the dismissal bell rang wondering how the Great Gatsby related so well to the Smurfs comics and cartoons.

Literary analysis can be about being able to read the room and bullshit your way through getting them to "yes and" with you to make it seem like you know what you're talking about, when a lot of the time?

The author was just paid by the word.

The biggest misconception in public schools is that literary analysis is about proving you can be right or wrong about a book you read

Literary analysis isn’t about the book

It’s not even about being right

It’s about performing an investigation and presenting your case to the jury

It doesn’t matter if your defendant killed that guy or not. If you can convince the jury he didn’t, you’ve won

And the incredible life skill of spinning bulletproof bullshit out your ass with a handful of facts and a prayer is soooooooo much more valuable than anyone’s ever gonna tell you

[umichenginabroad]

Week 1 - Czeching into my new city

Ahoj everyone!

It’s me, Pato, and I’ve just completed my first full week here in Prague! This whole experience has been so crazy, so let me tell you all about it.

But first — I’ve created a YouTube Channel where I’ll be posting a different view of my experience, so make sure you subscribe!

https://www.youtube.com/@Pato_Ponders

The Travel

If you remember from my Week 0 post, this is my first time traveling alone. Although I was somewhat nervous – I couldn’t rely on my parents to find the right gate anymore – I’ve travelled enough times in my past to feel comfortable enough to get around an airport and board a plane. After a long 6-hour layover filled with McDonald’s and Netflix movies, followed by an 8-hour flight, I was exhausted (the two hours of sleep probably didn’t help).

Arriving in Prague was eye-opening to say the least. Exiting the airplane, the first thing I heard was… Czech. Oh no. I had absolutely no idea what anyone was saying. This made me nervous, thinking that a lot of my time in Prague would be like this. Luckily, all the signs had English, and my Google Translate definitely worked overtime. After picking up my luggage, I got to meet other study abroad students while waiting for the shuttle to my apartment, provided by CEA CAPA! Realizing everyone else was in the same nervous state I was, I felt better knowing that I had tons of people to bond with.

The Apartment

As I was dropped off at my new home for the next two months, all I could do was pray that my apartment had enough room for me to sleep, shower, and eat – preferably not all in the same room. When I opened the door, my prayers were answered. The apartment – provided by the program – was so much better than I imagined it would be! Here’s a short video of my apartment and room:

I’m in an apartment with five other guys, one of them is my friend from UMich (we mutually requested each other as roommates), and the other four are Colorado State students we were randomly assigned with. Even though we didn’t know anything about them, it turns out they’re super chill and we all get along great! Perfect group to live and have a great time with.

Location-wise, I live in Prague 7, which might make you ask, “but Pato, isn’t the CEA Study Center and Old Town Square in Prague 1? That’s so far away!” I thought this too – until I found out that Prague 1 borders Prague 7 (I know, weird), so I’m only a 30-minute walk or a 15-minute tram ride away from the study center and Old Town Square! Transportation is so easy in Prague. For 25 dollars, you get a month of unlimited tram, metro, and bus rides – and (unlike some M-Buses) the transportation is reliable and on time!

The Program

The first two days after arriving in Prague were filled with mandatory orientation sessions to get to know the students, the staff, the program, and the city plus its culture. If you were expecting long and boring presentations (like I was), you’d be wrong. The orientations were actually fun and informative, giving us a great chance to meet the other students, learn about all the opportunities the program offers, and even go on a scavenger hunt across the city! Although my team didn’t win (the stop for gelato might’ve slowed us down), the fun experiences and friendships I made through orientation were so much better than I expected.

P.S. If you're wondering what kinds of opportunities the program offers… you’ll just have to wait until I post about it. I don’t want to spoil the surprise :)

I know what many of you are wondering: What classes am I taking? How hard are they? What’s my schedule? I am taking Calculus 3 for 2 hours and Cross-Cultural Management for 3 hours, both Monday through Wednesday. You know what this means – 4-day weekends! This schedule is perfect for traveling with friends and making the most of my time here! (Spoiler alert: We’re planning to go to Vienna). As for the difficulty and structure of classes, it’s hard to tell. Classes just started so things feel manageable for now. I’ll keep you updated in future posts on how classes here compare to classes in the U.S.

The City

Oh… My… Goodness. Prague is one of – if not the most beautiful city I’ve ever laid eyes on. From the gothic architecture, to the mouth-watering food, to the lively nightlife – there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t found something to do or see. Everywhere I look, there are stunning buildings and incredible statues that you just don’t experience in the U.S. Over the weekend I went to visit Prague Castle, Old Town Square, and Vyšehrad castle with my friends for the first time and… wow. Just wow. Words can’t do it justice.

And the food! I’ve always been a picky eater, so coming to a country where I didn’t know anything about the culture made me think I’d be eating McDonald’s for the next two months. But once I tasted beef goulash and an authentic Prague sausage, I immediately fell in love.

And don’t even get me started on Prague’s nightlife. The number of clubs and bars here is wild – there’s never a boring night. Going out with my friends I just met has been one of the best ways to get closer and build that tight-knit group. My all-time favorite thing to do? Jazz clubs! These Prague jazz players know how to get groovy.

Thank you for reading my post about my first week! The next couple of weeks are only going to get better, so make sure to stick around and see what I get up to. See you next time!

Patricio Sandoval-Sanchez

Mechanical Engineering

IPE: Engineering in Prague, Czech Republic

[duck-ism]

Blog Post #00003

01/09/25

Good morning, Good afternoon, Good evening, good night, dear Reader. As I type todays blog post, it’s morning for me, around 10, but I probably won’t get around to publishing it until this afternoon. I also woke to Racoon saying he may need a hospital, but no update on that.

I thought I had my first course class today but it’s tomorrow, Friday. I didn’t go on Monday and Tuesday because I hadn’t paid for my courses yet, I yes realistically should have in person classes on Wednesdays and Thursdays, but I failed the prerequisite course which I’ll need to retake in September, along with a course that was full, so, I was unable to register for that class. It’s alright though, this semester still counts as full-time, which complies with what my parents wanted, I could choose any program, but it had to be full time. I’ll be okay I think, just get through all my online courses, register for September, retake those courses then graduate, a little delay is all, …just need to tell my mom I failed one course… I mean she knew I was probably going to have to re-do some of the program work because of the one course I was missing, I think my step-father knew too… I hope… (Okay, Duck, enough dread now).

Uh, okay well, considering I’m talking to actually no one I cant ask how you all are, just keep writing, I told someone about my blog last night they asked what about, just said trying to prove to myself that I’ll be okay, and that I’m trying to improve myself, which I mean that’s what this is. One way I can show myself that there’s some sort of getting better from me is that I’m still trying with school, that I didn’t get kicked out like last time. Another way I can prove to myself is that I A. had a compulsive and depressive need to drink but B. didn't want to get drunk and hurt my family so I would buy bottles of soft drinks, they were $3.45 each, and I’d buy them every other night, but, I haven’t dont that in 1 year and 4 months! So y’know, there’s some hope for me, maybe. My next goal after graduating is to get Racoon out of the house he’s currently in as it’s not the greatest for him and his mental health, I can't admit that the house I’m in is any better but we’ll get there, I’m sure of it. 

I do have smaller goals of course too, stuff that’s actually attainable. Getting back to work is one, especially considering I didn't quit, and they never fired me, I’m just not getting hours. Plus as I mentioned yesterday, tidying my room, I want it to be a space I can actually like and keep myself organized, maybe that’s what I will do today, my step-father isn’t working today either and he probably won’t like that all of my classes are online this semester, but I need to prove to myself that I can do this despite what anyone may say, because I know I can, …maybe I should’ve tried harder, then I wouldn’t be in this mess… fuck… I did what I could, not really my fault my step-father is in the habit of turning the internet off when he wants a bathroom cleaned or some other menial task that he probably could do himself if he wasn’t so concerned with sitting on the couch watching M*A*S*H reruns all day, I have no issues with M*A*S*H I just wish that he actually did something, instead of leaving it for myself or my mom. I’m often left wondering if he makes us due everything due to some sexist nature as we’re the only ones Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB) in this despite me saying otherwise while my half brothers get a pat on the back for almost nothing, thats how it is with transphobic people though, and what its like to be the fuck up eldest in the house where your parents didn’t know what to do so you never got a good example, …I guess, but I’ve started to ignore it for my betterment.

I’m sorry dear reader for that tangent of what can only be interpreted as a rant of frustration, I do try to keep it positive but that’s not always how life is but also you have to remember that its not all down hill in the dumps which is something I’m trying to learn by myself. I’d go to therapy if I could, but menatl health and its priority is heavily stigmatized by my step-father. He’s the type of person who says he’d love to go back to the 80’s where “people aren’t as soft and the suicide rates were lower” which statistically speaking is highly inaccurate. The suicide rates in the 80’s were much worse than what today’s statistic would show you and it’s because people weren’t so open with communication and talks of mental health like we are now. My eldest brother Bat says he’s ignorant like that in some ways, Pigeon and Racoon often times agree, as do I.

I think another goal I’d like to set for myself, is going back to visit the city Bat and Pigeon live. Last time I was there for my birthday, Bat offered to let me stay at his house, I was also supposed to see Pigeon but he had a bit of a medical issue that disallowed that to happen. Pigeon is however, thankfully much better and recovered from that. If I were to see Pigeon though I have things that over the past year or so I’ve been collecting to give to him such as

An assortment of stickers

Numerous enamel pins and buttons

A few bracelets I made 

And the pièce de résistance, the christmas gift I made for him this past christmas

I’d tell you what I made for him, but I am trying to keep it a surprise which I’ve always struggled with because I was so excited for someone to know what it is, so alas, it remains a secret until I someday blog about it.

Alright, I won’t keep you folks any longer so same as yesterday. I’d like to thank you for sticking around and until next time, take it easy.

-Ducky

[luvyeni]

henloo !! can i request for a heeseung fluff where he's a famous campus crush secretly dating f!reader — you can decide the plot for this one, i just honestly went for the trope because it's been on my mind lately <33

CAMPUS SECRETS; LEE HEESEUNG

pairings. campuscrush!heeseung x shy!reader

wc. 966

warnings. one semi suggestive joke (trust me i've written wayyyy worse)

i love this idea its so cute !

heeseung is loved by everyone, but he only has eyes for you...

—

'gorgeous just gorgeous' heeseung thought as he stared at the three girls sitting at the table across the table.

"bro, i know minjeong is hot and all, but you're staring at her like you're about to ask for her hand in marriage." jake slapped the boy. "just ask her out already." he rolled his eyes at his friend who was scarfing down a sandwhich while arguing with sunghoon over something so trivial no doubt.

but heeseung wasn't looking at minjeong, he was staring at you. the way your eyes crinkled up, and your nose scrunched when you laughed at something your friend said.

he could just burst into smiles when he that you were wearing his black sweatshirt that you stole when you came to visit his dorms, you had to sneakily make your way to his room so his roommates wouldn't see you.

he was so in love with you, and he just wanted to show you off to the world, but you were rather shy, and he didn't want his status of "campus crush" to overwhelm you, so you kept it a secret.

you were his cute secret.

"heeseung?" he snapped back into reality, looking at the girl in front of him, she looked at him with stars in her eyes, but he couldn't be intrested, you were all he thought about.

"i was wondering if you'd want to have dinner tonight? i know a really good place." she smiled "shyly", but heeseung knew she was wasn't actually shy, he knew a shy smile when he saw one— it was so cute when you'd hide your face from him when he'd tell you a flirty joke, the way you slap his arm.

"uh bro? she's talking to you, and you keep spacing out." jake nudged him, wondering what the hell was wrong with his friend. "oh uh..."

he was about to decline her offer, when he heard you voice getting closer to his table, you were walking past his table, talking with your friends. you gave him a look, a subtle look that no one would notice, he probably would've missed it, had he been caring about what the girl was saying in front of him had to say, you smiled at him.

he got up so fast, almost knocking the girl over, but she stepped back. "uh...daeyeon, i would love to, but im busy with homework tonight sorry, jake here is free though, right jake?" the australian was confused. "i guess."

"great, have a good time, i have to go talk to the professor about the assignment, i'll see you later." he took off before anyone could question him.

"the professors class is the other way though."

you stood at your locker, listening to your friends talk about something, you weren't paying attention, you were too busy day dreaming about heeseung. although you hated when girls would crowd around him, and bring him gifts and ask on dates, you loved how he only had eyes for you, and he proved it everytime.

"＿＿? are you listening girl." minjeong voice interrupted your inner dialogue to yourself about heeseung. "i said me and yunjin are gonna head to the mall to shop, and then we're gonna get ready at yunjin's and go clubbing, you coming?" you were about to decline, when you seen heeseung turn to corner, stopping when he noticed your friends.

"uh no, i have so much homework to do, so i'm gonna head home, have fun." they nodded, they knew you weren't a outside person, so they didn't even question it. "okay, well i'll see you later back at the dorm." you nodded sending them on their way.

"this wouldn't have to happen if you'd just let us tell people." he approached you once they were gone. "we can't even tell our friends." he pouted. "i know my friends can't keep their mouths shut, and jake hasn't shut up a day in life so." he laughed, pulling into a big hug. "i missed you." he kissed the top of your head.

"we haven't been able to spend anytime together." he pulled away, hovering over you.

"yeah, that's because you've been busy being the campuses boyfriend, what time is your date with daeyeon tonight." you teased, but he frowned, he hated when you said things like that. "babyyy! don't say that, you know i turned her down." you laughed, his doe eyes making feel a bit bad. "i'm sorry, i know you did." you planted a kiss right on his cheek.

"now im sad, how will you pay for it?"

"My dorm will be empty, minjeong will probably spend the night a yunjins, how about you come over later?" you said. "yeah? and do what?" his smirk made your face heat up, turning your head away.

"s...stop t..thinking like that, just to watch movies and eat." you said, ears hot. "that's what i meant baby, what else did you think?" he teased with a smile.

"stop playing- yo heeseung, we've been looking everywhere for you." jake and sunghoon walked over to you guys, him noticing you looking down already, ready to run away already.

"i was talking to ＿＿ about the exams, she was gonna help me tonight, right?" you shook your head, looking at the ground. "s...sure."

"well thanks to you i have a unwanted date to go on, so you're helping me get ready first." heeseung rolled his eyes. "fine." he turned to you. "tonight right?" he confirmed. "yeah." "lets go." his friends dragged him away, but he turned back to you smiling, mouthing a 'i love you'before turning back around as his friends began to fight with him in the middle.

you laughed, shaking your head, closing your locker so you could head home and get everything ready for your date.

©️LUVYENI