#^ me trying to say no to parasocial relationships (i am failing)

[anakinh]

i don't have a weird parasocial relationship with people from youtube and i don't feel a legit jolt of dopamine every time i see them on game changer dropout

[implausiblyjosh]

Cohost Criticism

The thing about cohost is that you have to walk on eggshells if you wanna talk about cohost, let alone criticize cohost. Here are two bits of criticism about cohost from me, one posted on cohost another posted on Twitter.

Criticism of cohost, on cohost

Transparency is not bad, I don’t think. But it’s incredibly clear that it’s been used to frame ASSC and cohost as some plucky little co-op that could, so that when criticism of cohost happens it’s immediately framed as a personal attack on Staff. Almost every single time criticism of cohost has happened on here, big posts go around talking about how they’re just 4 people and how could you ever suggest improvements, don’t you know you’ll KILL the site, criticizing the site is like yelling at the McDonald’s cashier, etc etc etc. I’ve said this all before, and like… idk, sucks that it took two different incredibly vitriolic discourses around accessibility to finally get people on staff to be like “please don’t fight on our behalf.” It’s also pick and choose, right? When criticism comes up, it’s the realities and transparency of financials and how it’s just 4 people and on and on, but like… hey, do we know how they got the money? What’s the relationship there? How were they able to just have what seems to be a friend loan for a few years with no delivered product/service? What happened to all the site ideas before cohost? It feels incredibly selective, and the selection is geared towards a parasocial relationship. I mean… people on bluesky are opening up about fallout from they criticizing cohost in private, so it’s not like this culture comes from nowhere.

I’ll quote something I read earlier that I agree with. No links, don’t wanna blow up the spot.

I think they were being deliberately dishonest about being a for profit LLC. I think they know that makes them sound corporate and that's why they call themselves a co-op and a non-profit/not-for-profit (both legal designations they do not meet). I think this is fully an image thing, they want to be the cool leftist co-op and not the company run by former Big Tech employees.

I think they have cultivated a parasocial relationship with their members. I am undecided on whether this was deliberate or if they just don't see the problem with it. They are far too personal about what they post and they explicitly want people to see them as friends, going so far as to saying you need to trust that they're doing things in good faith because they're your friends. Your users don't need to hear about which members of staff are in a polycule together. Your users don't need to hear that bug reports make you feel like a failure. When you make policy choices that cause the site to get into massive fights over them, you shouldn't be posting little jokes about the discourse. Trying to shame users for criticizing a moderation decision you made for not trusting you is absurd, they AREN'T your friends and can only trust you based on the actions they see from you, and if they don't trust you based on that you don't get to chastise them for it. Your hundreds of thousands of users are not your friends. But it was effective, because anyone with any criticism is shouted down by people who seriously think the staff are their friends.

Also, this bit:

To come in and say "we have no idea what we're doing but WE'LL always support you", while sites like Switter had to close down due to various government and corporate pressures, is just...fuck you honestly. If you want the techbro mindset here it is. "Nobody else is doing this because their Morals are bad and our Morals are good!" People who actually have done the hard work of trying to make safe spaces for sex workers failed, but no, I'm sure you all will do great. If they ever ship tipping (at this point I can't see it happening before they fold but let's pretend) they're going to eventually get cut off from their payment processors when it's being used for mostly porn and they're going to learn why everyone else had to quit and then they'll have to pull an excuse out of their ass for why all their grandstanding in the past just fell apart. It disgusts me to pretend like some big ally to sex workers then do this little research into what it actually takes to support them.

This bit gets me the most because, like… they’re remaking Project Wonderful and people are calling it revolutionary. We had creative/user-supported ads for years on sites like Questionable Content. This isn’t new! We’re getting the thing that the old internet had! It’s like calling neocities or SpaceHey or wikidot revolutionary.

Idk how to end this. I’ve been yelling about the culture here for what feels like ages now. It feels like I’m yelling into a void.

---

Criticism of cohost, on Twitter

Cohost post about cohost that’s too spicy for cohost: I don’t know that I’d call the LLC that is marketing itself as a non-profit that only keeps up with its promised monthly financial updates when they want more cash from users “transparent”, but that’s just me.

When the whole of the financial history is laid out and there are some big, glaring questions (who did you get this money from? Why can you not reach them? What happened to the promised features? why are user ads now, suddenly, a good thing?) it doesn’t feel transparent.

If yall haven’t been delivering features, or hitting targets, and acting like making a usable dark mode for your site was some impossible task, why did you give yourselves raises?

It feels like the “transparency” only exists to further a parasocial relationships in your favor. The important questions are left alone, but just enough is given to cultivate an active userbase that wants to fight any and all criticism on your behalf.

It happens in the comments of their posts. I saw someone ask completely sensible questions about the finances, on the finances post, and were immediately called a middle manager.

It happens on the site. People got real mad that someone would dare give links and document discourse on cohost. It wasn’t about the rancid vibes of the post*, it was about the act of linking to cohost from off-site period.

It happens off-site. People made pillowfort accounts to attack the person mentioned before. On bluesky someone is getting attacked for explaining their horrible experience with the founders.

This doesn’t feel like transparency, because the end goal here isn’t a “not-for-profit” that finally made a good site and made it last. It’s about a LLC asking you for your money when times are tough and discouraging criticism anywhere.

Another post about cohost that’s too spicy for cohost: Just because your friends run an LLC doesn’t mean your friend’s LLC shouldn’t be criticized as a business. Actively discouraging criticism cause your friends run the LLC has actively made cohost’s vibes rancid.

[stormyoceans]

Well, we have a chance to keep Tawinan-actor. Even if he goes to study, he can act in supporting roles, he will not have a permanent partner, which means he will be able to kiss all women and men. * tries to be optimistic, but fails* I am so shocked by this news. In an interview, Jimmy said that something would happen by the end of the year. Maybe that's what he meant. This year has been difficult for me, I admit, since I came to stan the actors, and both of the boys' acting jobs were, to put it mildly, not exactly what I expected from them. Is Jimmy having a crisis for 30 years or what? Now he has such a chance to develop his acting potential, but he chooses to study. I'm sad to say this, but the age of an actor is short, but maybe Jimmy rethought and realized that he didn't need it, and he would return to his blog on YouTube, like bimbeam, who also decided to retire from acting and will also keep her blog. Okay, the whole letter looks very offended, and it probably is. As for people, I'm happy for the boys, but, to be honest, their personal life apart from movies is not interesting to me. I guess I just have to watch two they TV shows from time to time and just move on and try not stan anyone else.

for what is worth, i really do understand how you feel, anon. they dropped this news on us completely out of the blue, and personally im very sad at the possibility of no longer having actors jimmysea on our screens for who knows how long

im sure that if jimmy has indeed made the choice to go study abroad then he must have had his reasons that he will eventually share with us when the time comes, but knowing them isn't necessarily gonna make us feel any better

i think it would have been different if i liked last twilight, or if i cared about the dentist show, or if i were certain we would still get sea acting by himself in other projects while jimmy is studying abroad (like if they gave me that series about the dating life of a queer man with sea as the main lead????? LOVE YOU JIMMY HAVE FUN YOUR BOY WILL BE IN GOOD HANDS WHILE YOU'RE AWAY), but i feel how i feel about those shows, and after what we got this year i have no confidence in GMMTV actually giving sea decent roles or even just something to do at all, so. yeah

and the thing is. ultimately im a grown ass woman. there's no parasocial relationship strong enough to bring me down, so im still gonna be here watching shows and stuff because well. where else am i supposed to go, this is my psych ward. however, im gonna miss jimmysea and the particular brand of comfort only the two of them were able to give me, and i already know that without them im also gonna lose a lot of people on here, so it will be hard, im not just gonna pretend it won't be

for now we're still here together tho, and until we won't get an official announcement im gonna hold everyone's hand and clown one last time

[orpheuslament]

trying so hard not to form a parasocial relationship with you... failing.. imma be refreshing your blog every two hours like a damn maniac (that i am) pls say something to cure me (or alternatively board that flight to finland you were booking and come find me so we can have hot t4t sex. i am 100% serious)

do you want to fall in love serious question

[momo-de-avis]

Be warned that this post is going to be extremely TMI, scroll along if you don't want it to ruin your parasocial relationship with me

They scheduled me an MRI back in September

The appointment is named like MRI followed by a bunch of medical terms that I, of course, don't understand.

The lady that scheduled it for me did not explain what it was.

My doctor did not explain to me what it was.

Nobody explained anything.

I've had an MRI before, two in fact, one done to my head and one with contrast when I was in the emergency ward of the hospital screaming in pain, so this second time I wasn't really paying attention to what the fuck an MRI entails except that you're put in a gigantic washing mashine thay sucks metal and makes a lot of noise (and the metal thing I know from Dr House)

So imagine my surprise when I arrive at the hospital and the receptionist asks me if took all the precautions required. I'm like. What now?

She goes. Oh, the medication you need to take beforehand.

I'm stuttering. what the fuck do you mean.

I scroll furiously through my email trying to find the appointment and hey. Guess what. It does say there that there's this one medication I have to take, which requires some physical interaction, and that I need to be on an empty stomach 4h prior. It doesn't say where I'm supposed to get this medication, nor does it say how to take it, cause I have no idea (in the smallest letters imaginable, at the bottom of everything, like scroll endlessly for it). I've never taken this shit

Mind you, the lady that made this appointment also made 5 other apps that day: an x ray, blood tests, an EKG, urine tests, and two other apps with an anesthesiologist and my gynecologist. Yes this was all for a surgery I'm going under in January. She also explained to me what to expect of the surgery, how to bathe myself 24h prior, what to expect of every single exam except the MRI.

So here's what she, or my doctor, failed to explain to me about this MRI, I am assuming because they assumed I'd done one and it's basically the same. Which stupidly, is what I thought.

She failed to explain to me that the medication I needed to take the morning of was for me NOT to, and now I'm going to translate into colloquial terms what the kind doctor explained to me, shit myself. And why would you shir yourself in a machine that sucks metal, spins and sounds like one of those horror ARGs on YouTube? Because she also failed to explain to me that, since this is an MRI to evaluate my endometriosis, they are going to fill your every single orifice up with a fucking gel.

And let me tell you something about this process.

It's not painful at all. But my god I felt like one of those victorians who went to those doctors who didn't wash their hands to cure themselves of a flu with an enema. It is like reverse giving birth, if you're giving birth to Flubber. The female doctor that did this, and I appreciate the tact of having a female doctor but at this point how could I give a shit, it can't get any worse than this, was one of those that only speaks in diminutives and kept calling me fofinha the entire time, which I get, but I'm a 34 year old woman being flooded with get through every cavity of my body terrified I'm gonna shit myself in the tightest MRI machine I've ever seen because the purpose of this shit is to "relax your sphincter and swell your intestines" which sounds like I just developed IBS from one doctor's visit, and it really makes things awkward.

And then they tell me the catheter they put on me is not only to inject whatever the fuck they need, but also I might need some contrast too.

The contrast was the least of my issues. I didn't even feel it

Here's what else the lady failed to explain to me. She failed to explain that, since you're now full of some gel, it is going to come out. And oh boy.

Imagine the hospital gives you the shittiest sanitary pad imaginable, and what happens in the next hour you're on public transport heading home is basically you're giving birth to Flubber again. The thing isn't even sliding down your legs, it's all retained in the shitty diaper the hospital provided you.

"It's only an MRI" and you walk out with clots of gel in your underwear, slopping down your orifices, and this in your arm

Next time I'm drilling that bitch with questions

[sketching-shark]

Im kinda am getting annoyed how much they r avoiding saying swk actual name. Like whats the point of him having a name if the show is not gonna refer to him with his name besides having moments of characters chastising him using his first name. Ie: just yelling out wukong.

Liek i want to here his various other titles besides monkey king. Its pretty weird how they’re solely just calling him monkey kings when hes just 1 of many monkey kings :/

Sometimes, i wonder if they knew that they could have kept swk w all of complex characteristics without having to downplay any of it so they can uplift mk. (Mk is such a amazing character dont get me wrong i do adore him. But it suck that in a equivalent exchange of a good character we get a frankly a worse vers of sun wukong.

Like not even other versions of swks ever acted(or granted made such repeated mistakes) like how lmk swk do. Like theres no one defending him within the shown(mk doesn’t count bc literally thats his teacher. But even he himself doesn’t realize he’s afraid of becoming like swk.) and as much as lmk writers, producer etc etc. want, they have to actually have to show swk’s side. Bc by the time lmk is over, its going to v hard to give him justice when almost everyone have a right idea of keeping him away bc how much hes a danger to everyone.

I also am a lmk LEMH hater forever. i just think he shouldn’t of have that type of importance to swk when hes just a dude w a pent up superiority/inferiority (he can have both bc yea)complex thats in a parasocial relationship to swk. Like sure he died and all but so did all the other demons in jttw. Hell he didn’t got the vore kill treatment like other demons like azure lion did.

Monkie Kid spoilers below

AWETTHGRFRWETETFGDSD THE VORE KILL TREATMENT THAT'S A PHRASE THAT WILL STICK WITH ME FOREVER ANON.

But YEAH this is a pretty good summary of many things said before anon...in particular it's genuinely disheartening how Qi Xiaotian's experiences have brought him from a state of being excited at the thought he could be like Sun Wukong to now being terrified that he's destined to be like the Monkey King...but then again how could be not be. We're now 4 seasons in and everything just gets worse and worse for the little monkey lego man in large part because of the things his shifu did or failed to do. At this point even with the hints of the torture headband making a significant appearance, trying to defend or even understand SWK's actions in the present kind of seems like a fool's errand, and I genuinely am worried that no backstory Flying Bark gives their version of the Monkey King will provide a satisfactory reason for why he acts the way he does. As it is there's been a pretty consistent flow of popular fan works about the Monkey King getting punched & yelled at & portrayed as completely in the wrong, and well I do not see that ending any time soon given the events of canon material :(

As always I want to note that I'm fully capable of being too negative and pessimistic & forgetting the good sides of SWK's lego show character and that yeah obviously there's a lot of other characters running around with more antagonistic intentions (including perhaps this mysterious person who may be behind Azure Lion being freed as part of some greater scheme). But between this already firmly established characterization of SWK as a liar who's ideas routinely end in nothing but catastrophe for even those he loves and the show itself pretty clearly having little interest in including SWK in the story's adventures outside of an explodey ending or being a problem that needs to be dealt with because of his disastrous decisions (given how much he keeps getting shoved out of the plot), well...you can see why many people think this could easily end with even Qi Xiaotian thinking Sun Wukong is a lost cause.

[kpoptarotvibes]

Girl you better come get your husband cause he out here taking fan service to a whole another level, like let me tell you he is right now live on weverse literally in bed with full lights on, not like the other lives where is dark, he out here making all these girls imagine they in bed waking up with him, I can’t. Sir what’s next?? A shower routine?? Not only his lives a getting bolder and bolder but I truly believe this man is lonely af..what does he think this is?? A social experiment for him to practice his flirting skills and then when he actually does get someone he’s gonna be like it’s not your business etc…boy he made it the fans business when he forgot to establish boundaries!! I get that’s his only way of communicating with the fans since he shut everything else down but he better not say a word when his privacy is all f**ed up. I am telling you next time he’s going to be in the bathroom showing his skincare routine!!!

You ain't heard me and him trying to build a mansion. So we trying to get up enough money for the first down payment on the build. So I told him he gonna have to go out there and show them something different. But I know this he not gonna get bold enough to show one nip on live. Now if this fails we may have to go the only fans route.

All jokes aside.

Chile he taking this parasocial relationship to the next level. I agree its hard to feel sorry for him when these crazy saesangs start to attack. Because of the things he decides to do on his lives. You are right about the boundaries. If we get a live skincare routine I'm gonna remember this post. LMAO!!

[ray-talks]

3/26/24

today was uneventful.

one of my classes were canceled which i suppose is nice. i am not particularly fond of my tuesday-thursday classes -- they are too long, and regardless of how interesting the subject is, i find myself bemoaning being there.

i restricted again, probably ate around 200-300 calories, and was able to purge some of it.

a new chapter of chainsaw man came out, which i keep up with regularly, and that was enjoyable. as you can see, my profile is of yoshida, a character from that franchise. chainsaw man is my current hyperfixation -- it is what most of my day-to-day thoughts consist of. the chapter, similarly to the past two, was humorous in nature. it twisted expectation with what was assumed to lead into a fight but actually led to a truce instead. there were many little details that greatly amused me, such as: asa mitaka publishing her poetry, katana man either being a fan of her (or poetry in general), and confirmation that the nail fiend is gnc (possibly non-binary). although, i technically spoiled this chapter, it is not so significant. if you are reading this and you enjoy anime/manga, i would highly recommend picking up the series with the first season and then read the manga. it's an action-packed, yet hilariously absurd story that actually has real heart beneath it, that explores trauma, parasocial relationships, and intimacy between people, and much, much more.

that is all i can say for tangible things that occurred and that i did. the thoughts i had today -- and i apologize for the tonal departure -- was over confusion concerning the future. for a long while, i have been considering suicide. as of late, i find myself pushing it off for a later time, and avoiding it. i am not necessarily avoiding it mentally, since it crosses my mind a lot. all the time i am bombarded with intrusive images over dying, and it fills me with dread. but at the same time, i am evading it. i think that i am afraid. i am afraid of succeeding. i am afraid of failing (again).

there would be a lot of consequences to attempting and surviving. if you do back out or remain physically unharmed, then you can easily hide the attempt and no one will know about it. but if you do cause a significant amount of harm, that cannot be hidden, someone will find you and take you to a hospital, after you are deemed physically well, you will be institutionalized. i have been through this process multiple times. i would not be happy to do that again. it is also extremely financially burdensome to my family who will also have to witness me in this state again. i also believe my intentions this time around is an all-or-nothing type of deal. therefore, i do not think i could mentally handle failure again. the method that i am considering, too, is obtrusive, and is more bold than past attempts, which would complicate things further if failure happens.

i am still scared to die. i hate to admit that but it's true. i understand also that it would make the people i care about miserable. that's the reasoning for my fear of succeding.

i briefly mentioned in my prior post that i think i am trying to actively depress myself further until i can no longer resist these thoughts. that is what my path will likely lead to, so i think i will eventually be forced out of my crossroads.

that is all that i have to say for today. i wish all who read this a good day.

[mcytblrconfessions]

Sometimes JSchlatt reminds me of my father. It’s weird idk how to feel. He’d probably call me a slur or two but I still feel this parasocial ‘that’s my dad!’ feeling. I’m not even a big fan?? I’m just apathetic??? And yet he feels so fatherly (derogatory)??? Like I am NOT saying he would be a good dad. He just feels like a dad to me. It’s very strange and kinda terrible. Like I don’t even go here but I can almost feel him clapping his hand on my shoulder and giving me my first BB gun for Christmas and saying ‘well kid. Today’s the day you learn to shoot’ and he would drive me up to our land and make me help him set up targets and then teach me how to shoot a gun and. It’s so vivid and so weird man like what do I do with this???? Why is this emotion here???? It’s not even like a fully positive relationship it’s just like those indie movies where they have a complicated at best thing going on where he’s failing but trying his best but Schlatt’s not even trying or maybe that’s just part of the movie conflict. I’m very confused. If only he wasn’t American then this wouldn’t be happening.

[bisexualhobi]

Speak 📢 on it!!! The tag on the hobi post. For real, I remember a bts interview from awhile ago and the question was who was the most different public/private and they all said hobi and it was from there that I was like ohhhhh so he’s … a Professional ©.

LITERALLY like ugh idk how to say this especially here on kpop spaces where the culture is so deeply intertwined with parasocial relationships but dude i'm gonna say this as someone that ults hoseok. none of us know this man. I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN he is a stranger to me all that i know is what he chooses to let us see and so much of this fandom's perception of him is wrong simply bc they take it all at face value and forget that hoseok is a completely different person in private. like i don't think even the bts members know him completely and that's why they often comment on how private he is and that makes him unpredictable. because they don't even know what goes on in his head sometimes

i love how hoseok as a performer and an idol is strictly business tbh because A) he takes control of his image and his identity in a very precise way that lets him check for weaknesses and flaws, to find the chink in his armor so to speak and fix it so he'll be be invincible and B) it is sooo fucking healthy. I am never worried about hoseok's mental stability or his self esteem (unlike with many many other idols where i just scratch my head and hope and pray that they have a therapist or strong support inner system) because it is way more sustainable to operate the way hoseok does as an idol. like long term hoseok's way of being an entertainer is sustainable and allows for quite possibly unlimited growth.... because for him this is a job. he is not blurring the lines between performer and person to the point where the public gaze has an influence on him or runs him to the ground trying to please people because he doesn't internalize public praise and approval as part of his self image and self worth.

the problem with many artists (not just kpop idols but sadly, especifically kpop idols) is that they equate emotional exhaustion with passion for their job. If they don't leave their blood sweat and tears on stage to the point of burning out they feel like they have failed. of course being vulnerable is a key part of being a good performer and allowing people to see how much effort and emotion you put into things is like 50% of the appeal for a fandom but unless you have a really fucking strong inner compass and a solid sense of self, like unless you're GOOD at compartmentalizing those boundaries you don't place upon yourself end up coming back to bite you in the ass. that's why they say the brightest flames burn out the fastest.

anyway.... i rambled way too much but basically yes hoseok is not only a naturally gifted performer, he is a very intelligent one. that's why he's meant for solo stardom. he is incredible at his job in a very consistent and self preserving way

[fruitytrollroll]

Some additional thoughts from an anon re: Sasha Nein, Bad Role Model, if you like? I feel like another big factor to consider here is how extremely compressed the timeframe is- both in terms the amount of time the three games cover, but also of Raz's professional trajectory. As far as Sasha knows, he has this kid until the end of this camp session or 'til his parents pick him up, whichever is sooner. (Continued 1/?)

Maybe he convinces his folks to let him come back, maybe he just practices extremely hard at home, and then maybe in several years late-teen Raz applies to the intern program and Sasha can put in a good word for him. 'Ten year old prodigy speedruns psychic education process in a handful of days, bypasses almost all formal training, saves the day twice and gets accepted into the Motherlobe' is probably not a possibility he'd give any serious consideration. (ctd 2)

And then once that actually happens, Sasha is busy rushing off on a mission, getting de-brained, rushing off on another mission, interrogating Loboto, and then rushing off on the casino mission. Even if Sasha doesn't have kind of a blind spot for what unintended lessons he's teaching (and I agree that he probably does), he spends much of the rest of the timeline getting swept along by one event after another. (ctd)

He hasn't really had much time to think about the outsized impact he's had on Raz or what that could do to a kid, let alone recognize the mistakes he's made and to try to course correct. The contradiction is easy for us to see, but between Sasha's general temperament and all of the everything going on, it feels entirely realistic to me that he fails to make that connection. (/end)

oh my god this slaps

all these points are so reasonable and smart and i'm! going to kiss you! on the mouth!!

we've had 16 years to get attached to sasha and build up his dynamic with raz in our heads, but the fact remains that they've only known each other for maybe a week, tops?

raz might idolize sasha, but that is, as we say, a parasocial relationship! and while it's tempting to interpret their relationship exclusively from raz's point of view since he's the protagonist, raz knows a lot more about the senior agents than any of them know about him, and he's eager to do whatever they ask of him, desperate to over-achieve, and naturally talented enough to actually succeed at it.

like, the average camper would give up, or get distracted. and it's a common refrain to promise kids privileges provided they accomplish an improbable task. this way you can brush off complaints and nagging by setting the bar so high that there's no possible outcome where you'll have to make good on that promise. you can say no without brooking any argument, all while making it sound like you're saying yes!

but then raz just like. does that. and everyone around him is just like. holy shit. and at that point they might rationalize making good on the promise they made because well, he DID work really hard to accomplish this unreasonable demand... i should throw him a bone... and also at this point i am curious to see what he CAN'T do!

raz is so anomalously exceptional that people forget to hold him to like. normal human child standards lmao. (and also the suspension of disbelief was greater in the first game, but we can apply logic to the narrative that emerges as a consequence of that if we want to, as a treat)

anyway!!! that's really really smart!!! thank you for sharing!!!

[agent-cupcake]

Can I ask your opinion? So, I feel like everyone into 3H is in love with Dimitri, but I can't connect with him. I don't dislike him, but I feel like there isn't much to his personality without all his various mental health issues. It's hard to get a feel on what he's really like, so I end up just seeing him as a walking ball of trauma and not a three-dimensional character. Do you have any thoughts on Dimitri himself and how to separate him as a person from his psychological issues? Thanks!

Hmm, I guess my first thought is that everyone resonates with characters differently and so if you don’t particularly feel connected to him, that’s not wrong. Fictional parasocial relationships are very similar to real-life relationships, so it follows that nobody is going to like every character. I can’t say that a portion of my love for his character doesn’t come from his mental issues because that’s something I personally relate to and feel drawn to in others. That’s just who I am and how I build relationships. There is also something to be said for the unavoidable way mental illness informs a person’s behavior and character, it’s as much an aspect of them as being born with blond hair or losing an eye.

That said, I will do my best to explain why I think Dimitri is wonderful. Not in spite of his mental illness, but because I don’t think that’s all he is.

So, Dimitri is, as he says, a very clumsy person. This unfortunately extends to his social skills. He has a lot of very socially awkward tendencies and a general lack of self-awareness. This contrasts with his innate desire to please people, or at least avoid upsetting anyone. The thing is, Dimitri doesn’t always completely understand what upsets people or how exactly they might feel. His childhood isolation left him rather emotionally unaware and desperate for the acceptance and approval of others. That’s not to say he doesn’t try to understand other people’s feelings, but it’s not an intuitive process. He has a habit of saying kind of dumb or uncomfortable things out of nowhere, which is most likely his real feelings coming out in rather inept ways. He means well, but he’s just so dang clumsy.

The desperation to be included and validated I mentioned, I think, can be seen in the way he tries so hard to make the other Blue Lions see him as a peer and equal all the while keeping himself rather closed off from them. Dimitri approaches conversations as a means of focusing on the other person, trying to make an appeal to them rather than as an interaction where both parties could be seen as vulnerable. Of course, just like most other socially awkward introverts, he opens up when he feels closer to the person, but that takes a while. Gotta unlock the supports, you know? Although it’s not necessarily obvious, his incredibly stiff behavior (especially pre-timeskip) and the way he switches between overly formal and awkwardly friendly in his interactions with people as he tries to figure out how to socially and emotionally navigate relationships really gives me the impression of someone trying desperately to fit in without even the faintest clue of how to actually manage that. He also does his best to avoid social situations, which, mood. Basically, Dimitri’s a big dumb massive introvert trying to act like he’s not.

FURTHERMORE, he is a dork. An absolute goof of a person. Dimitri canonically thinks so-bad-its-good puns and jokes are hilarious. His own style of telling jokes is saying things that may or may not have contextual humor in a normal voice and then claiming after the fact that he intended it as such. Now, his supports with Alois are absolute factual proof of the so-bad-its-good humor, but might I also direct your attention to the scene before the battle against Miklan in Conand Tower (the event name is “Tower in a Storm (Blue Lions)”). Basically, Gilbert is explaining the history behind Conand Tower and Dimitri says, in an incredibly earnest voice, “You’re very well informed, Gilbert. Please, tell us more.” This is a joke. Supposed to be, at least. The delivery is somewhat emphasized, but not in a recognizably sarcastic way. Gilbert, who knew Dimitri very well when he was young, realizes it’s a joke after a second. But there are other things Dimitri says that I believe are his bad “jokes” and since nobody knows him well enough to tell, they don’t call him on it. There’s no proof, but his line in the Lord’s intro where he says, “And here I thought you were acting as a decoy for the sake of us all.” to Claude has to be an attempt at sarcasm. Dimitri is oblivious, but not stupid. In his Goddess Tower conversation with Byleth, when discussing the topic of wishes, he says, “Perhaps it would make more sense for me to wish that we’ll be together forever. What do you think?” In a completely normal voice. Following are two speech bubbles of “...” before he laughs and proclaims that it’s just a joke and that he’s getting better at telling them. Now, this is a two-parter because I see this as both his horribly awkward tendency to say things he feels without thinking too hard beforehand as well as his silly deadpan style of “jokes”. Granted, he does apologize. Dimitri’s got socially awkward zoomer humor. It’s endearing.

Here is a video of Dimitri hitting on Byleth pre-timeskip. I’m not sure how far it goes to endear someone to him, but the mostly awkward and occasionally smooth attempts of Dimitri’s flirtations are absolutely a highlight of his character. 

Now, this isn’t quite as cute as all that, but I think character arc and change do a lot for making a character feel more three-dimensional. Dimitri is hypocritically selfish. Although those are both negative terms, I don’t necessarily mean them as such, at least not in their totality. Both are things to overcome, which he does. And that’s why I feel like they’re a valid point of discussion when trying to explain the allure of his character.

The hypocritical part comes from the way he easily allows and forgives the flaws of others while constantly castigating himself for the same reasons. He says things that show an absurd amount of a lack of self-awareness. For example, he tells Edelgard, “Hm. You will prove a lacking ruler yourself if you look for deceit behind every word and fail to trust those whom you rely on.” All the while straight-up lying to and emotionally avoiding his friends. Dimitri also tells Marianne, when she is punishing herself for putting other people at risk, “What matters is that they came back safely in the end. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that.” Really, his C and B with Marianne is an exercise in hypocrisy. The standards Dimitri has for himself are incredibly, unattainably high. He’s setting himself up for failure in that way and, to an extent, knows what he’s doing because he knows that those same standards are too much for his friends and allies to meet. He wishes to take on everything himself. But, what I find so beautiful about this, is that Dimitri eventually realizes that he can’t do that. He is not strong enough to take on the weight of the world on himself, he comes to understand that it’s something he must allow himself to share with the people who care about him. He comes to realize that, as difficult as it is to accept, he is a weak person. Despite all of his introversion and inability to emotionally open up, he figures out that having a support system and allowing yourself to rely on people who love you is a necessity. Personally, I think this message is incredibly important in real life. Watching Dimitri come to that conclusion and argue it’s importance really rounded out his arc and journey as a person. Now, the relatability of this conclusion will differ, but I don’t think it has to do with his mental illness as much as it is a fundamental aspect of growth.

The selfishness is basically outlined above. Dimitri is selfish about his pain and secrets, purposefully and selfishly driving people away because he wants to keep the burden to himself. His vice is guilt and he indulges in the pain of it like an addiction. Hatred, too, is a drug. He thinks he needs it to keep going, even though all it does is bring agony to himself and others around him. Learning to accept and let go of these feelings is, again, something I think is important and a character arc that I really love, especially when you see him suffer as much as he does. Now, the execution of this is lacking, I admit. But that’s an issue for another time I think.

I am not quite sure if I did much to change your opinion, but this is all I can think of for now. There is probably a lot more than I’ve left out because I think about Dimitri far too much to be healthy. So, I’ll leave you off with some honorable mention aspects of his character that I think are super fun:

Pre-timeskip Dimitri has his hair tucked behind his ear. He can lift a wagon by himself. In the DLC, when faced with an impossible-to-open gate, it was not muscle man Balthus who said he couldn’t open it, but twinkish teen Dimitri. He’s not really smooth with one-liners. Like, at all. Notably, when attacking Manuela post-timeskip, he says, “Perhaps I should have appeared before you holding a bouquet of flowers, rather than the weapon that will end your life.” Adding to this, at one point, Dimitri fucked up a pick-up line so badly the girl came after him. Areadbhar has a mitten on it in the Azure Moon final picture. He breaks everything. His Crest activation ability even supports this, using twice the durability of any given Combat Art. One of his post-timeskip counselor messages is, “I lived in the slums for a long time, and I saw how the people there suffered from poverty and the ravages of war. There must be something I can do to save them." His room in the academy is right next to Sylvain’s, meaning that for almost an entire year Dimitri was a single wall away from hearing whatever nonsense Sylvain was getting up to. Dimitri is the only Lord that takes the throne and doesn’t abandon his people in some form or another.

And, finally, he is pretty sexy. And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

[fuzzarchive]

Yeah, I know "you are not immune to forming parasocial relationships" and all that, but I still can't shake the feeling that a lot of the controversies surrounding content creators I like are blown way out of proportion because it is the nature of social media to perpetuate and capitalize on drama like this. I've even talked to my parents about this kind of stuff and explained the situation to them and they're like "yeah that just sounds like people on the internet being shitty to me, just keep doing what you like to do".

At the same time, however, perhaps I just have a really hard time letting people go, especially when I'm hyperfixating on their content. Perhaps I have found something I like only for someone to go "pack it up y'all here's evidence they're a shitty person" so many goddamn times that I'm just searching for any possible excuse to ignore it just so I can have SOMETHING to enjoy. Perhaps I am continuing to give bad people a platform, and am thus doing a bad thing.

This has actually reached a point where I'm afraid of losing IRL friends over social media discourse. I'm afraid that somebody I've actually known and cared about for years is going to go "why do you idolize this person, don't you know they did x and believed y, you're disgusting" and then leave me. I want to trust my friends to try to reason with me if they have a problem with me and try to understand how I may have gone down this thought path rather than shunning me outright, but I know that they have been fed the same online poison that I have been fed and many others have been fed, so I can't know for sure how they would respond.

It's not my intention to hurt anyone, but maybe I really am being as shitty as people say I am by consuming certain media and maybe I really should stop. I just want people to explain to me the reasoning behind that that I'm failing to understand without pointing at me and telling everyone what a piece of shit I am.

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[ranvwoop]

Mcc thoughts please :)

(I love to hear for u about this stuff!!!)

!! cryptid!!! friend!!! hello!!! thank you for asking!! Often I am no thoughts head empty about like, actual skill things, but I do have some thoughts for you :DD! (Also nice new pfp by the way !!). I also got very distracted while writing this. It's late. Oopsie.

Under the cut as usual Cause I Talk A Lot.

The first thing to say about it is ?? it was just a Very Nice Time. Everyone pretty much unanimously agrees that the vibes of mcc14 were Very Off, and I also came away with. eek. awkward. people are sad and unhappy and that is bad. mccp was also super good (and for a good cause!!) but I felt this one even surpassed it in Good Atmosphere. I watched Pink from Ranboo's pov live, and then watched Green from Phil's pov in the evening (/morning cause I fell asleep watching it lol), and I'm even debating watching Red from Quackity's pov despite it being an almost four hour VOD and I do not have the time for that, it was just. Such a nice time!! I can't actually speak for other than Pink and Green but. I understand completely why it is adored.

To preface, I don't know anything about being good at video games. Much less Minecraft. I spiritually relate to mister Pants in this position. I am tossing stones in this glass tumblr blog. I don't look at the Reddit, either.

For Pink, I have to say I Am So Proud of Ranboo. I am so proud of him. That's my parasocial relationship! He's come so far and he says he's not good at the game but h e i s. I'm very glad that they got parkour tag first, specifically because Ranboo did really well and he deserved to have a good start. Something something morale and surprising people, but also I just think he personally deserved it. I hope he comes back for more tournaments, it's no secret that i adore he but like... great attitude..... generally very versatile... he's not the best best pvper in the world but pvp but shut.... I'm so excited to see him come back and do even better. I hope he'll be a regular, and tbh since he's so happy and excited about it and also happy to be paired with anyone I think he will be. My streamer is so cool.

Wilbur and Tubbo also did extremely well!! Top ten?? My streamers?? My streamers constantly underestimated because the reddit is mean to them for some reason??? Admittedly I don't know much abt Tubbo in MCC because this is my first time watching his team, but, give him more credit he knows what he's doing D:. And Wilbur, I have been watching him in the past two MCCs and I know he's been trying so hard and constantly being just cut short. He just wants to do well and be a good support for his teammates,,, mister Soot... holding gently.

I am not too familiar with TapL, other than he's usually at the front of races, but second individual is Super Super Good. I am proud of him too. I've also not watched him because I'm not very into speedrunning (see above where I. I don't know a thing about Minecraft lol) but he's so cool I may have to. The universe is telling me watch Tapl. But he's very cool. Not a lot for me to say abt him since I knew him as a really good player and he ended up being a really good player!

Pink's overall communication and chemistry was So Good. It was so good that I didn't even think about it being a factor until I watched another point of view, and Green sort of fell apart a bit and I was like, huh, wow, okay. No offence to them, but they had a sort of rough start with Battlebox. It was a tiny bit secondhand embarassing because it's just nooO listen to eachother,, listen,,,,

They also had a rough entirety with Connor. Poor Connor. I say this with absolute affection, I think Connor's really cool and I like watching his streams and also it was funny, but CoNNOR,

He had to be taught how to play the game During the game. I don't think he'd used an Elytra before the tsf map?? Or at least it had been so long he forgot?? Nobody told him about 1.9 combat changes until chat told him during the game. Phil had said on stream that he was trying and failing to round people up to practice, but, they should've at least ran through the game mechanics with the man. Tell him the event started an hour before it should've or something and play on a realm and refresh stuff he Will Need. And then Sands of Time, where his game was bugged, everyone assumed he was just incompetent, and then he sounded very calm so nobody realized the gravity of How Much Sand.

I'm not saying he's not just bad at the game, (well. he's probably average at the game, honestly, but in comparison to people who have spent their career in The Craft), but I think with a little more support in some areas he wouldn't have done as poorly. This is also totally not salty or anything, it was Very Fun to watch the poor man trying to navigate Minecraft, and everyone had fun so!! Good. Rights.

(It was also very funny when Phil and Fundy both tried to compliment him and Discord cut it off. MAN CAN'T CATCH A BREAK!)

To speak more positively, they really managed well in sky battle and survival games. Tommy is always an excellent leader for those sorts of things and managed to even keep Connor alive until the end of SG, and I think they did very well in sky battle too?? I can't completely remember. Phil trying to coach Connor through TSF was also nice to see, even if the time ran out before he could actually manage to do it.

I don't know why I've based my metric of teamwork on Connor. It's important to uplift the weak link, I guess! Like I said, I am not upset about it or salty or think that they're secretly Bad Team Players or Bad People, it's just an observation. They're all individually great members of a team, and I've seen them all work well in the past!

Fundy was also there. Fundy did good. I didn't talk about Fundy here at all. I can't remember much about what he did.

I would also like to take a moment to talk about Purple Pandas, because they were at the root of Pink Parrot's failures and I think that is hilarious. Wool'd em in Battlebox. Killed them early in Sky Battle. And then, finally, killed Ranboo in SG. I just thought it was really funny.

[forestwater87]

hi! can i ask how you go about writing gwen? i’ve rewatched a bunch of her episodes and am still having trouble getting her on paper!

Okay, first you’re going to need to get a time machine and travel back in time to the summer of 2016, just after season 1 ended, when she had like 3 character traits and a couple dozen lines and zero fanfics, then fill her with elements of your own personality and project wildly onto her, slowly falling into deeper and darker despair as canon!Gwen becomes less like your iteration of the character with every season.

At least, that’s what I did, and it worked like gangbusters.

Fine, let’s try a serious answer. Gwen’s interesting because, despite how frequently she appears in the show and how much we love the shit out of her, it wasn’t really until seasons 3-4 that her backstory and less surface-level characteristics started getting filled in. She’s an ever-present enigma in a lot of ways.

So start with what we know for damn sure: 

She doesn’t like working at Camp Campbell.

She’s an anxious, emotional mess. 

She’s lazy when it comes to things she doesn’t care about, but is willing and able to step up when it’s called for.

She enjoys writing fan fiction and has a passion -- if not necessarily a talent -- for smut, drama, romance, violence, and monsterfucking. (Some of these things overlap.)

Her father’s an extremely successful musician, and their relationship is . . . complicated.

She’s beautiful and perfect and in love with David and also my girlfriend. Okay, that’s not true. This is where the projecting comes in, dang it.

Honestly, there’s . . . not a lot of there there. I think that’s why some fans are kind of bored by her, and why others absolutely love the shit out of her. Her personality is rock-solid -- seriously, just write ���bored and seemingly uncaring with a heart of gold and a lust for monsters” and you’ve got a very solid Gwen portrayal right there -- but the backstory is virtually nonexistent, and that’s the bits you get to have fun with. 

For example, with all of our facts we have:

She doesn’t like working at Camp Campbell. Okay, but why doesn’t she like working there? Is it just because it’s dilapidated and Campbell is a shithead? Did she ever like working here and got burned out by its overwhelming mediocrity, or was she forced to take this job and hated it from day one? What’s the worst part of it for her: is it working with kids? Is it working with these kids? Is it the outdoors stuff? The lack of resources? That her coworker is an adorable goddamned idiot who doesn’t know how to adult? 

She’s an anxious, emotional mess. Anxiety, parasocial relationships (do those apply when talking about fictional characters and/or monsters?), serious doubt and/or regret about her life choices, a complicated and unclear sexuality . . . there’s a lot going on with Gwen. She is trash, and we love her. Add to it that she’s a psych major, and how little we know about her backstory, and she’s a great opportunity to armchair-psychologist and/or overidentify all over the place. Do you have emotional issues or identities you’d like to project onto someone? Congratulations -- Gwen now has all of those too!

She’s lazy when it comes to things she doesn’t care about, but is willing and able to step up when it’s called for. She’s a lot like Max in this way, which I think is why people are such a fan of their dynamic. She cares very deeply about some things and not at all about others, and it’s fun trying to parse out what will make her give a shit. It seems like high enough stakes will make her step up, but her idea of important is very different from David’s a lot of the time. Hell, for all we know her investment in her job changes on as little as her mood; that’s part of what you get to try and figure out as she takes shape in your writing.

She enjoys writing fan fiction and has a passion -- if not necessarily a talent -- for smut, drama, romance, violence, and monsterfucking. (Some of these things overlap.) Not gonna lie, as a book snob I had the hardest time accepting that my girl loves 50 Shades knockoffs. Her tastes are . . . I don’t wanna say bad, but they do tend to be what is popularly considered the lowest common denominator: reality TV, fashion magazines, bodice-ripping romances, paranormal tween novels. Basically, anything with lots of sex and violence seems to be her jam. It creates a really interesting dichotomy, in that she reads all the time, but isn’t necessarily what we’d call well-read. She’s a nerd, but the “worst” kind: a fangirl, and arguably the most adolescent kind. Yet she has a liberal arts degree, which tends to focus heavily on literary and creative arts, so snobs like me would assume she should know better. Apparently pretentious college English classes didn’t rub off on her all that much. I don’t have much in the way of leading questions for this one, because unless you want to psychoanalyze why she enjoys Prison Teen Mom Wars (as I most definitely do), you just sort of need to be aware of and use the fact that she enjoys high-octane drama, fighting, and kinky sex.

Her father’s an extremely successful musician, and their relationship is . . . complicated. Really, there’s two ways to work with this: either Gwen just has a normal “millennial embarrassed by her boomer dad” relationship, which is relatable to the max but doesn’t have a ton of angst fodder, or she’s dealing with some deep-seated issues about being a show toddler and/or failing to live up to his creative legacy (or whatever other parent-child problems you could imagine). Her mom is a complete nonentity. There’s definitely love between her and at least one parent, and that needs to be incorporated into any sort of discussion about her dad, but I don’t think their problems have been magically solved, which has to potential for lots of interesting scenarios.

She’s beautiful. She doesn’t think she’s beautiful, that’s for sure. One Direction in its early period of completely sucking would have lots of opinions about this, but if you don’t think Gwen is a snack (snacc? I’m very old and out of touch), you’re wrong and also not welcome on this blog.

The fun part, in my opinion, is trying to fill in the blank spaces. If I was starting out my own creation of Gwen, I’d focus first on these points: what they tell us about her, and more importantly what they don’t.

I think the hardest thing about writing Gwen -- at least, what I struggle most with -- is trying to soften her up. I took her “crippling anxiety and regret” and filled it in with all my own angst, and I think a lot of fans do that; it’s one of the great things about her, her potential for angst. But despite crying a lot (more, I believe, than any other character except mayyyybe David), she’s not especially sensitive toward other people. And I think it’s tempting to take our love for her and translate it into her being much more perfect and snuggly than she actually is. It’s an incredibly hard balance to strike, and in my opinion this makes her the hardest character to write besides Max, which makes sense, considering #3 up there.

So my advice for that would be: lean into the bitchiness. Let her be blunt and dismissive; she’s more than that, of course, and I think one of the reasons people have gravitated so much toward gwom-type portrayals is her genuine concern and even affection towards other people, but focusing too hard on her kindness and/or her angst tends to push aside the trash goblin Gwen we all fell in love with.

Let her be a trash goblin. She deserves it.