#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!

[blujayonthewing]

so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude

[david-goldrock]

I once wrote a DND character for a friend. they didn't use it. I share it with you now

The text is not a backstory, but what the DM needs to read aloud to meet the character. he's a mute, so that would be difficult, but some people like the challenge

The party walks into a pub to see their old friend, Anasmor the old wizard, shedding a tear to a random orc ventriloquist doing a show in the center of the pub. "Do you know this guy?" Asks Shina the cleric, after greeting the old man. "Oh you really wanna know? It's not the prettiest story, you know, funny as Onrog may seem now. This man, and his family, tragedy hunts their past… You see, they were not that old, when it happened. 3, maybe 4 years old? His 2 sisters 8 and 9 respectively. It's unfair, I know, life isn't fair to anyone, but yeah, this is not a sensible amount of pain for even the mightiest of warriors, I agree. He saw it when it happened. The monster was probably planning it for months, but the moment struck on his birthday. The tentacle shot through the old clock they had on their wall, straight into his father's, Glormish's, mouth, eating everything from inside, leaving only the skin intact. Valora, his mom, managed to shout for the kids to run, they did, but with her shout the second tentacle shot, and killed her too. A child so young does not know how to handle such a thing, you see, so he latched onto the first idea he had: his mouth remains shut. How does he eat? I do not know my dear, legends say his back has a hole directly leading to his stomach, but those are probably fairy tales. I guess by the nice show he is making us you understand how he speaks 😉

They had a lot of luck, my friend. Most children would have died in the wilderness, but Lisha and Neera, his sisters, used to play survival games with their dad, so they knew what to do. Lisha quickly got them on Yorsh, the family horse, and rode 50 kilometers southeast to the nearest forest. There, Neera found a few sticks and stones, and made them 3 weapons: Lisha got the axe. Neera got the sword. And young Onrog got his first bow, a weapon to use against fish from afar, to keep one safe. It wasn't as fancy as the one you see on his back right now, but it was good enough for the fish.

Years have passed, many a year, 23 years in the forest if am exact. In this time the trio started to speak the "language" of the forest animals. At first it was a joke, get the rabbit to cross the river, get the snake to loop-de-loop, but slowly and surely, they learned. By now they can get any animal to do their deeds, with enough time of course. 23 years have passed, And I wandered into this very forest. The trio, who did not remember the look of an old man, almost killed me on the spot, mistaking me for a monster. When I told them of the attacks of the tentacles, the thousands of dead, Lisha and Neera told me to fuck off. They told me that they have paid their price and are not interested in anything more. Onrog though, seemed interested in revenge. He got nothing more than a kiss goodbye from his sisters when he went on the rampage.

Of course, as you know, the danger of the unuk-li is long gone, an achievement all but exclusive to our Onrog, but the lust for revenge doesn't die out, it changes targets. These days? On his downtime he does his little show in the pubs and celebrates his winnings, but he always has one ear open for adventure parties, and he will join anyone fighting a big enough treat.

Personally? I would caution against such troubles, but I am an old man after all, and adventure is the business of the youth. If you do choose to take him into your group, id warn you thus- if enough time will go without a treat, Onrog will accuse the innocent of the worst of things just to have an opponent. Keep your eye on him.

[controlcontour]

Hypno asks before DnD, eh?

You know, there is so much in DnD that intrigues the hypnofetishist.

Spells like Charm Person, Calm Emotions, Command, Dominate, Mind Control, Modify Memory, Hypnotic Pattern…

I wonder what it would feel like to have your DM look at you and say

“Make a wisdom saving throw”

To be locked by their gaze, unable to look away, your hand rolling on its own, briefly looking down

And seeing a natural 1.

And realizing only too late that you’re not playing a character at all. That your DM is controlling *you*

How good would that feel to have your will subsumed by another?

To become curiously friendly. To obey a one-word command. To feel every word they say sink deep into your mind and become indistinguishable from your thoughts. To stare blankly at a dazzling, colorful array hanging in midair.

Be honest. You want to fail. Because failure makes for a more interesting game.

I sooo want a tist to DM one of my games, even if it's just a one on one session - or if I'm the only sub there. Putting me into trance throughout the duration of the session.

"Roll for wisdom." my DM says smoothly, their voice calm and soft. Lulling, even. I can't tear my eyes away from how the light is shining on the dice - it's so pretty - but I can tell that the other party members aren't affected. They're all watching me - intrigued and amused.

Though my entire body feels so...so relaxed and heavy, and I can't lift my chin from my chest, I manage to raise my hand from my lap and grab what I...think is the right dice. They're all so shiny and pretty to look at. Besides, it had a big number - six! That was practically 20, right?

"You didn't even roll the right dice, toy," the DM chuckles. Bemused smiles cross my fellow DnD player's faces. "It doesn't matter, it's a nat 1. And with your wisdom modifier being negative 3, you feel your wisdom drop."

No, that can't be right. Wasn't I playing a highly intellectual wizarrrrr...? My thoughts leak out as my eyes start to roll in the back of my head, my eyelids fluttering

"Yes, that's right, feel every last thought drain out of your mind. It leaks out of your brain stem, through your torso, and into your even more so-throbbing boy clit..."

I didn't notice it until now, but I had been squirming in my seat. Despite the fact I was wearing black skinny jeans, there was an obvious wet spot already formed between my legs. When did that happen?

My blue eyes roll back further as my back arches out of the chair, my hips bucking slightly. The rest of the thoughts drain into my pussy, making me wetter and hornier. I can only listen, now. Absorb what is being put into my subconscious.

"Toy, roll for charisma," the DM chides. "No, not that dice, the other-- no, the other-other one. Good boy," he hums as I finally grab the d20 and fling it across the table, not in too good of control of my actions at the moment as I feel my enlarged clit rub against the fabric of my boxer briefs. Fuck, this is why I don't shave down there - for extra comfort . Wait, when DID I shave down there?

Oh! Right! One of the party members performed entangle on me last session and shaved me, duh! They said good toys should have as much access to their clits as possible!

"An 18! Good boy!" The master...er, party member to my left congratulates me by gripping my upper thigh, then looking at my character sheet. "Not to mention your plus three modifer! Do you know what that makes it?" They send a knowing glance to the DM, grinning.

"If you get this right, I'll let you touch yourself, toy," Dungeon Master smiles.

My eyes momentarily come back to focus at this promise. I try desperately to solve the simple addition problem. Eighteen plus three...both of those numbers kind of look like boobs. Hehe, my boobs are aching from pleasure... Without thinking about it, I reach under my shirt and push my binder up, just high enough so my boobs will fall out of it. Without thinking, I don't pull my shirt back down, leaving me exposed. This will help me think!

But of course the more I try and think, the more thoughts drain into my vagina, making my clit throb harder.

"I. uh...UH...Ahh...ahhh...AHHH...." The moaning becomes more intense. I don't even remember what the question was. My eyes roll to the back of my head as drool drips out of my open mouth and down my chin, onto my newly exposed breasts.

I'm only slightly aware of some of the other party members chuckling, and the others taking videos and pictures of me. It makes me feel good. I hope they'll send them to me so I can post them on Tumblr and show my masters and mistresses what a good toy I am.

"That's okay, toy. I never said anything about anyone else touching you," Dungeon Master chuckled. "And the important thing is, you passed your charisma roll, meaning you get to strip for all of us."

I slowly push my chair away from the table, standing in a trance-like state.

"Yes, Dungeon Master..." These words come out clear, yet monotone.

"Don't forget you were rolling to seduce," one of the party members called.

"Must...seduce..."

I walk to a corner of the room, where I'm sure everyone can see me. A couple more party members pull out their phones. Good. I'm briefly aware of my nipples hardening at the sight of this.

At the time, I'm still under the assumption I'm a virgin, and don't know anything in the acts of seduction, but do my best to be as sexy as possible as I strip naked.

I bend over and untie my shoes, kicking them off, making a big show of moving my hands up the back of my legs to explore the curves of the ass that the testosterone has given me.

I tug my binder back down, feeling my hips and caressing my sides as I pull off my shirt, which had since slipped back down over my perk breasts. I toss the shirt over my shoulder. It lands in one of the party member's laps. She whistles.

As I finish stripping off my undergarments, the DM catches the party member's attention once more.

"Each of you roll for persuasion... whoever has the highest number gets to use our toy first."

[yourplayersaidwhat]

I just started playing dnd, I have for a very long time, but finally. For context I was playing as a hill dwarf cleric, my brother (quite a bit younger, he like bebe) is a human paladin. My dad was dming for this 'practice round' we are in a simulation pretty much.

Dm: okay uhh so a goblin just materializes in front of you

Me, getting to roll first: I will use my warhammer!

Dm: roll those dice

Me, hopeful: okay! Aaaand... I have a 13.

We went through the learning process of how to calculate hits and non hits, I hit the goblin. I was full of hope, and I thought that I would be able to obliterate all enemies. I thought.

My brother: can I use my big sword? *he rolls a 19 or something crazy*

Dm: okay so the goblin is sliced in half, he is dead. Another one materializes.

Me, hoping i can get my brothers luck: okay uhhh I will use my hammer again! *I roll. A. 3. I rolled. A. 3.* awww

Dm, laughing: okay you miss and hit yourself. Roll for damage. *I then roll a 6* okay how many health do you have?

Me: 12. So now it's a six.

My brother, also laughing at me: I use my sword again! *he rolls a 20*

Dm, amazed: he just, explodes into a red mist

My brother celebrates whilst I sob, but this is just the beginning.

Dm: alright, let's go with something harder. An ogre spawns in. It attacks *my name*. *roll*, and that's a hit. 15. You take... *rolls again*... 5 damage!

Me, panicking while I cry: uh uh uh I can run 25 feet away, then use bonus slot to heal?

Dm: uh yeah sure

We go through the learning of spells, about how the fuck they work

Me: okay I think I got it. *rolls a 2* two points of health! I'm going to die!

My brother: let's use the sword again. *he rolls 15* does it hit?

Dm: uh yeah thats... Plus your bonus... (Like 6 or something) good job. The ogre/troll attacks *brother*...*he rolls* ah... A 4... Its blow just bounces off of your armor

I'm stressed as fuck now, I'm literally tears from My eyes crying

Me: I guess I use my throwing axes. *I roll... 1.* oh no...

Dm: okay so that's like 5 damage.

Me: I'm almost dead! Twice! and *brother* is full health!

My brother is wheezing now: i-i use the sword. *rolls* 16! Does it hit?

Dm, sighing: yeah. 3 points of damage. He's almost dead.

We then try to figure out how many heals i can do, and what spells i can cast

Me: okay so i can cast two more bonus actions! Uh heal please

Dm: okay sure. *I roll* that's 3 health.

Me: okay that's good i guess

My brother: okay I hit him with the sword *rolls a 12 or 13 or something* yay

Dm: that's a hit with the bonus. He's dead. I think it's time we finish now, it's getting late and you have school tomorrow.

I'm sobbing, my brother is rolling his die for fun and is regularly getting 20's

This was a couple of weeks ago, so the exact are a little blurry. That's the gist of it though

[theriverpersonshadow]

Lamia Drama Part 5

It’s ya boi Oozy. Apparently my brain deeply desires to touch on some potentially uncomfortable subjects today. Warnings for a completely made up medical condition - that is NOT meant to depict anything irl and any similarity to such is completely unintentional on my part - being treated with some seriousness as a chronic condition that does impact Oozy’s life.

Also skirts the line a bit between Corny laziness, general Sansitude, and feelings of guilt and depression. And touch starvation. But thankfully the snake DOES get pet in this and he ends the chapter happy ^u^

The Corny species of lamia belongs to @vex-bittys

< PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT >  

           Oozy was laying in his hammock, a thing patched together from whatever they make raincoats from, as almost always. He could get down, but then someone would have to deal with the mess. Besides, one of the staff had gotten him a waterproof phone long ago. The hammock was coated in a layer of slime… as was he. As always. Most people found it gross, but he’d been born with it.

           Despite what some might think, snakes aren’t slimy… usually. He was a rare exception to that. No one could figure out why, it wasn’t anything wrong with him physically… So far as they could tell his soul just thought he was an amphibian or something. Maybe he should join the Kraits, but they didn’t seem overly fond of his weird magic-mucus either (not that they’d ever say it). Heh. But for real, the best theory anyone had was either that he did have some kind of amphibian magic-gene that wasn’t working right, or that for some reason his soul couldn’t process magic quite right, making a sort of buildup of inert magical sludge. Possibly both. So yeah, he was a slimy boy.

           If he showered more often it’d probably be manageable, but then some worker would have to clean up after him on the way to the shower and they’d have to rinse the hammock off too or else there’d be little point in showering in the first place, and if he was taking two or three showers a day, when would anyone else? Plus that’s just a lot of showers. Nah, it’s easier for everyone to just not. Or maybe those are just excuses, but hey, he’s a lazybones, born and bred.

           Oozy sits there in a half-daze, only partly awake as his hammock slowly sways. There was a podcast going on in his ears but he was only half-listening. Somehow he’d gotten from DnD advice to doctors? More likely he just hit a button by accident. Regardless of how he got here, her voice is soothing, even if he probably doesn’t need to know much about orthopedics. It’s enough to make him want to nap…

           Until footsteps come by. He waits for them to pass, but they don’t. He peaks an eye open to see a girl pacing back and forth, occasionally stealing glances at the nursery. Looks like they’ve got a new volunteer. Well, he should introduce himself then.

           “Yo, sup,” Oozy says. He stretches his arms and neck, joints popping, and pushes his upper body up onto the fake-trees holding his hammock up so he can get a better view of her. His nose flicks and he impulsively says, “Ya smell like dirt.”

           “Hmm? Oh, yeah, I work in a greenhouse.” Dear lord she was loud. Not upset or yelling or anything, but she could rival a full grown Papython.

           “Ah, they bring you in to get us more real plants or something? I don’t know if they can have indoor trees though.”

           “Probably not. Most trees aren’t really shade-plants anyways, and even if they were, they can’t grow strong enough without wind.”

           “Really? Huh, weird. But I��ll take your word for it,” Oozy says. He removes a little more of himself from the slimy confines of his hammock, draping himself over the tree and leaning his upper body down so he’s closer to her level. “So, why are you here then? Looking to adopt? I think you’ve gone too far then.” There weren’t many to adopt this far back. There wasn’t officially a “permanent residency” ward or anything, and theoretically anyone could get adopted, but let’s face it, they weren’t going to. They were hidden in the back for a reason, you’d have to be looking for a special case to even reach him.

           “I heard there’s DnD.”

           Oozy blinks a few times, then chuckles, “Well alright then!” Not the answer he expected, but okay. “They advertising it now?”

           “I mean, apparently yeah! Though in retrospect, I think you were expected to come with a lamia…” The girl looked down,

           Oozy shrugged, “Maybe. They have community events now and then and stuff.” Or maybe they were trying to get some of them out of there. No reason it couldn’t be both.

           The girl nodded. “So, uh… I followed someone, they had gold teeth? The DM. Then one of the cobra ones wanted me to leave, and, uh… Should I go?”

           Keith had taken her to the nursery, hadn’t he? “Nah, Keith just did something dumb. Whatcha thinking of playing?” He was curious how she was going to be worked in. They pretty well had their bases covered already. Red was the Tank and melee fighter, Trousle was the party face, Nikolai had healing and support covered, Liam was the other party face who really liked fireballs (freaking sorcerers), and… Well, Oozy himself was mostly just there to goof around. He’d made a ranger and had an Giant Owl (maybe not on the list, but Keith was nice enough to give him an upgrade since rangers were kinda bad in 5e) as his animal companion. The “hoo” jokes flew left and right! What could he say, him and his Giant Owl, Hoodini, were birds of a feather.

           “I mean, I figured I’d see what you guys already have? Warlocks are one of my favorites – patrons are basically built in lore – but Druids are a mood and Martials can be fun too. Sometimes you just wanna smash stuff with a big hammer, y’know?”

           “Mood.” Oozy said. “Well, we could probably use another full martial, but ask Hux, that’s sorta his thing, y’know?”

           The girl nodded. “Sounds good.”

           “Heh, yeah. Name’s Oozy by the way. Who are you?”

           “Alex.”

           “Nice to meet ya Alex. I’d shake your hand, but, well…” He held his hands up, shrugging. A drop of slime hit the floor.

           “Are you okay by the way? You’re kinda…” She made a vague hand motion, squirming in place.

           “Eh, I live with it. Called Oozy for a reason, y’know?” Oozy said.

           “… can I touch it? Or you? Both?”

           Oozy blinked a few times, surprised. “Uh… sure? If ya want?” He crawled a little further down, looping around the tree to keep himself stable. The girl’s hand reached out and touched his head. It was rather nice, actually. He found himself leaning into it, the gentle strokes feeling warm and tingly despite her hands being cold. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts, right? His tail relaxes some as he sinks into the feeling, eyes shutting.

           …

           …

           …

           Well, if she wants to keep petting him, he’s not going to stop her. This feels great. Hopefully she’s not just trying to be nice, but she seems pretty wrapped up in it herself, running her fingers through the layer of goo that had built up and down to the bone below. Oozy was vaguely aware that he was dripping all over the floor (and probably on her shoes, but they were caked in dirt and scuffs anyways), but y’know what, it was someone else’s problem. He started to reach out instinctively, wanting to wrap around her and cuddle, but she drew back.

           “Uh… sorry. I don’t really like my clothes getting wet… It’s really uncomfortable.”

           Something in him deflated, soul feeling heavy, but he put on a lax smile and nodded, “Eh, don’t worry about it.” Just keep petting him, please…

           “It’s alright. Heh, it feels kinda cool, y’know? Maybe not exactly like slime, but, like… It’s fun to play with.” Pause. “That’s a weird thing to say, huh?”

           Oozy snorted, “A little, but I ain’t gonna complain.”

           “Can I…?” She pointed to his tail.

           “Go for it.”

           Her fingers stroked down the length of his scales and he shuddered. It didn’t feel bad or sexual or anything, but it’d been a while since anyone had stroked him. Dear lord how did he go so long without this? He wanted nothing more than to wrap around her in a full body cuddle, to just run fingers through her hair and vice versa, to just get any kind of physical contact from someone. He was starving for it. Tears sprung to his eyesockets but he blinked them away before she could see. It was just so nice…

           “Thank ya,” he whispered, voice coming out choked.

           “Are you alright?”

           “Yeah… Yeah.” His soul felt a little lighter and he smiled in earnest, “Heh, feels good to get some of this off me.” Maybe he should take a shower today… The floor was a mess anyways after all. But it’s fine, it’s tile. It’d mop up. “Thanks.”

           “No problem. I think you feel cool.”

           “I mean, I am a reptile.” He snorted at himself, finally just saying fuck it and crawling down to sprawl on the floor like a limp, happy noodle. “I mean, probably.” There was a slight chance he was an amphibian after all.

[foxgloveinspace]

YouTubers AU Part One

Also On Ao3

Ed didn't want to be YouTube famous across three channels, but here he is. In a crappy little apartment, with great sound proofing, an amazing view and access to the roof from his bedroom window.

Yeah, that was the good parts.

The bad parts where Al yelling at him cause he killed the cat in their current Minecraft Hard Mode playthrough. They where on their second one, after the first was a whopping 7 episodes long, and honestly, he didn't mean to.

He really didn't mean to bring his wolf in their house, and then have said wolf kill the cat when he went to eat and then accidentally hit the cat. That Al had spent about half an hour trying, and some how succeeding, to herd into their house without fish, cause 'I don't have a fish right now brother, and if I go to get one, she will be gone before I get back!' While Al was currently going to get the fish to tame it.

So yeah, this playthrough has ended with Ed dead, cause Al killed him and Al getting sad that Ed was dead even though "You deserve this Brother!" and then Al dying because of creepers, which "This wouldn't be a problem is you hadn't killed my cat!"

Again.

Well, not exactly, but it's very similar to how the first one went, which is very weird!

At least they made more progress this time, making it to a total of 9 episodes. And also filling their quota of Minecraft for three months. All in one recording session!

But that was earlier today. At the moment he was trying to find all the ingredients to try and make Al's favorite dinner, to appease him of said earlier cat incident.

"Al, we're out of... well everything!"

Maybe he would get away with making it this weekend, when it wasn't almost nine at night, and all he wanted to do was put a frozen pizza in the oven.

Instead he heard the jingle of keys from the kitchen door way. Turning he saw Al, already in his shoes, tucking his wallet into his back pocket.

Ed groaned.

"Fuck, ok."

Al smiled big.

"I love you"

Ed rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, you better. Love you too."

----

They heard the baby crying way before they got to the isle the baby was in. Al making a little grimace at him when they first heard it. They both love kids a lot, and hearing any baby cry makes them want to find the baby and cheer it up.

They have gotten good at ignoring that instinct since they reached their late teens, and now that they are adults it's very easy to ignore.

But then they are down the same isle as the crying baby, and her (if the flower headband and frilly dress are anything to go by, you never know these days, and honestly does it fucking matter?) almost equally in tears father. He's holder her on his shoulder and trying to bounce her while hes looking at the frozen empty ravioli. Which is right where they need to be.

The dad kinda looks familiar, if Ed stops to think about it, maybe they shop at the same time a lot? But he doesn't stop to think about, just hands the basket with their other groceries in it to Al, and gets to work. Smiling, puffing up his cheeks and then pressing on them while crossing his eyes, sticking out his tongue, and then playing peak-a-boo by hiding behind Al and speaking up over his shoulders (the only time he will admit being shorter than Al is a good thing).

Slowly the baby stops crying, and then starts smiling, and then she starts giggling like crazy!

That's when her dad turns around with his pick of frozen ravioli and stops short as he sees two young men, one of which pops up from behind the other.

" Uh. Hello there?"

Oh! Ed did know him! But he didn't. He was one Al and his' current favorite YouTube channel.

"Hello! Please don't mind my brother."

Hughes (that's his name, fuck isn't that weird, they know his name but he might not know theirs) just laughs.

"That's fine, I think he got Elicia to calm down, so thank you"

Ed smiled big at him

"No problem! Happy to help."

Hughes just smiles at them.

Ed takes the basket back from Al while Hughes put the now calm baby (Elicia), into the buggy, he also hands her a set of baby keys, which she happily shakes and then starts chewing on.

"Ah, I know this might be sudden, but we really like your dnd channel."

Ed elbows him in the side. What is he thinking! They hate being recognized, why would they-

Hughes was staring at them, kind of in a weird way.

"You watch our channel? Well, its Roy's channel, but you watch it?? What do you think, do you like it? Of course you like it, you just said that."

Elicia threw her keys. Hughes just sighs and picks them up as she giggles. He scoots down the isle a little as he does, and Ed goes to get the frozen ravioli, he knows exactly which ones, cause they are the only ones Al will eat, and hes done in two seconds. He also grabs pizza rolls, cause they are right there, and Al isn't looking. He's talking with Hughes.

"Yes! We are big fans, Ed has been binge watching the first campaign again, cause he always loses it laughing when-"

Ed tunes it out. He has gotten too used to Al trying to embarrass him like this. He cringes as he remembers the last youtube meet up they went to. He is never going to be able to interact with some of those other creators ever again. Not like he really wanted to they where all mostly assholes in real life, but gosh did Al have to tell them about how they 'inspired them' or some shit? Fuck, its silent. Ed looks up to see them both staring.

"Uhh."

Good job Ed.

"Mr. Hughes just asked what our opinions on them switching dms is."

Oh.

"Oh. Well, I think Sheska does a good job! Not as good as you, you put more personality into it, but I think shes gotten better. More lose in her story telling I guess."

He's rambling, fuck.

Hughes just smiles at him though, so he guesses he didn't fuck up too much.

"Yeah. I didn't really want to stop, but my beautiful daughter was born! And it was hard to go from work, straight to Roy's and then not see her at night during the week. But that was before they decided on the new film schedule, I could come back now anytime I want to, but I'm waiting til this campaign ends."

Ed and Al nodded. They didn't exactly understand, cause they had no prior knowledge of their film schedule, but they decided it was ok, since he was a tired father.

"Well. What brings you two here so late at night?"

They start walking, looks like they are all done and headed to the check outs.

"Oh, Brother killed my cat in Minecraft earlier, and now he's making me ricotta stuffed ravioli. But we didn't have ricotta. Or ravioli."

Hughes looks at them funny for a second, and then looks at Ed with an eyebrow raised.

Ed shrugs.

"What Al wants, Al gets"

Al just nods.

Hughes pauses, and then looks at Elicia, and gives an understanding nod.

They get to the check outs, and part ways, Ed and Al waving goodbye to Elicia, which she gives a cute little wave back, then said bye to Hughes before going to the 15 items or less self check out.

They are walking back to the car when Al starts talking.

"Well that was nice."

"That was awkward."

"Brother! We made his first fan experience nice! We could have been rude! Remember that girl from last month! That was awful!"

Ed just sighed. That was awful. Nothing like some random chick insisting you and your brother do... stuff, for you to never want to do any fan meets every again.

They climb in the car, and promptly Al starts talking about how excited he is for ravioli, even though it's almost ten thirty.

---

He doesn't really think about it again until two days later during their next recording session.

They are just grinding levels, and talking about random shit, when Ed remembers.

"Oh, hey, you guys are never gonna believe it! We randomly meet one of our own favorite YouTubers! Hughes from TeamMustangAdventures. He was super nice even though we meet at a Walmart, not sponsored, at like 10 pm, it was great!"

Wow, Ed didn't really think about saying that.

He also didn't think it would turn into a long conversation where him and Al talked about their favorite episodes.

He really forgets sometimes that his voice has impacts on things, mainly that by the next week, after the episode goes up, TMA would have almost a million subs, when the night before they had about two hundred thousand. He also didn't expect all their fans to comment "Ed&AlPlayGames sent us here!" He really didn't expect the request for a Twitter conversation from one Roy Mustang to be in their inbox that night.

Oh boy.

[worldrimwalker]

the continued chronicles of my dnd misadventures!

In tonight’s dnd session my in-character dad Barley (another PC) got perma-deathed by his son Kesk (my half brother, another PC, who was under enchantment) and it’s my first ever time, podcast or otherwise, experiencing an in-game true character death. I told our DM I was super mad at him for offing one of us (mostly joking bc I love this party so gd much) but if I’m honest we’ve had it coming for like three sessions now and he could have easily TPK’d us if he’d really stuck to it, so it was totally fair play. It is called tomb of annihilation after all, he’s like, supposed to kill us. 

The full story goes like this: We were three ways fucked in the middle an escape attempt from snake prison, mostly due to the stupid (and very in character) choices of my two aforementioned family members. Kesk was one attack away from downing a boss in single combat but he rolled bad and the snake boss knocked him instead. Seeing this, Barley breaks 1v1 treaty and looses an (ultimately pointless) arrow at the dude, but he gives Kesk enough time to save himself and get back some hp with some of his class bs, plus I cast a bear totem giving everyone in the party +10. Then, once he’s all nice and healed, boss snake drops the trigger word on him, Kesk turns on us and in two hits has smashed his dad to death.

I’m aptly horrified in and out of character. The snake boss is still up, and so are like eight of his goons, plus all of our gear is still in the armory behind us guarded by a bone Naga, plus our tank has gone rogue. It’s really looking like there’s no way for us to not get wasted.

But the next round, Barley’s freaky-friday-eque body swapping enchanted bracelet breaks off, and he starts glowing and rises up again in high-key dramatic fashion. Now he’s got the power of both characters combined, but instead of instantly wrecking shit, he turns to his son.

As players we’d known of our lineage since like seven sessions ago, but we had yet to confront Barley about it in character (and, ironically, had planned on finally getting there tonight). Kesk, still enchanted, finally puts the pieces together just then, realizes what he’s just done, and starts crying. Barley lays hands on him and forgives him, and it’s enough to break the enchantment.

But Barley’s not done. Things sorta descend into chaos as he throws a lighting bolt at the snake boss, blasting a hole through him and the wall behind him. Then he rushes to my aide, turning undead on the bone Naga so hard it explodes. 

We realize he doesn’t have much time left, that this is only a temporary magical situation. He starts dropping his gear for us to have, namely our bag of holding that he’d been charged with carrying. He hands it off to me as he confesses the true nature of our relationship as father and daughter. 

We have a moment as we clean out the armory into the bag. We’d been at odds since day one, he the moral center of the party more prone to following his whims and enterprising business sense than true do-gooding, versus me the teenager who couldn’t care less about anyone else’s problems, but one thing we both always appreciated was a good grift. 

Meanwhile, Kesk breaks the enchantment and absolutely demolishes the rest of the snake goons in one turn. We let ourselves feel relieved for half a moment. We’d won this fight, but for a shitty price. But the snake we beat wasn’t even the actual boss. There was a high likelihood we’d have to turn the next corner and keep fighting.

But when we do turn the corner and walk into another room full of snake people, the snake queen lets us go, for a bargain. She asks for the crown at the end of the Tomb (of Annihilation, the big one with the final boss). We say yeah because, well, what else are we gonna do? They toss us two more of the puzzle cubes we’ll need to get inside. Cue the victory music.

They open the doors to outside to reveal the jungle, all swamped with rain and thunder and the works, and the party groans. We’d walked through so much jungle together, and if there was one thing we could agree on it was that the jungle fucking sucked. We jibe about it like old times.

But when we step out, Barley begins to fade. We send him off with snarky parting words, but tears in eyes. A bolt of light flashes to the sky and the clouds clear. A final gift from good ol dad. 

Kesk and I agree that we’ll come back with that crown alright. But only to rub it in snake queens face as we absolutely waste her.

///

The session ended right after that. We all got to chatting out of character and try to think how we could have unfucked that whole thing. Kesk not missing that attack was one. Me not giving Barley a health boost that ultimately kept him up long enough to trigger the second attack that brought him low enough for insta death.

But any way we sliced it, we realized that while we could have saved Barley, basically every other outcome would have led to Kesk’s death instead, maybe worse. Barley died to save his kids. It was too damn perfect to even be mad about.

We left in a high like we sometimes do. A big, bright red half moon was rising over the 101 on my drive home and it felt poignant enough to prompt me to stay up writing this whole dang summary. God I love this game.

[controlcontour]

I posted 1,006 times in 2022

That's 36 more posts than 2021!

276 posts created (27%)

730 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@controlcontour

@sapphiressecrets

@hypnothruthetulips

@spellbounddraws

@mindlesswicker

I tagged 344 of my posts in 2022

#asks - 102 posts

#hypnosis - 58 posts

#hypnokink - 52 posts

#hypnotized - 52 posts

#hypnosub - 49 posts

#hypnotism - 49 posts

#mind control - 42 posts

#brainwashing - 38 posts

#my art - 23 posts

#spirals - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#i think it’s bc a lot of it and a lot of fantasies can and will overlap with cnc and xan quickly turn nc if not handled carefully

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

She can’t look away

98 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

#4

Hypno asks before DnD, eh?

You know, there is so much in DnD that intrigues the hypnofetishist.

Spells like Charm Person, Calm Emotions, Command, Dominate, Mind Control, Modify Memory, Hypnotic Pattern…

I wonder what it would feel like to have your DM look at you and say

“Make a wisdom saving throw”

To be locked by their gaze, unable to look away, your hand rolling on its own, briefly looking down

And seeing a natural 1.

And realizing only too late that you’re not playing a character at all. That your DM is controlling *you*

How good would that feel to have your will subsumed by another?

To become curiously friendly. To obey a one-word command. To feel every word they say sink deep into your mind and become indistinguishable from your thoughts. To stare blankly at a dazzling, colorful array hanging in midair.

Be honest. You want to fail. Because failure makes for a more interesting game.

I sooo want a tist to DM one of my games, even if it's just a one on one session - or if I'm the only sub there. Putting me into trance throughout the duration of the session.

"Roll for wisdom." my DM says smoothly, their voice calm and soft. Lulling, even. I can't tear my eyes away from how the light is shining on the dice - it's so pretty - but I can tell that the other party members aren't affected. They're all watching me - intrigued and amused.

Though my entire body feels so...so relaxed and heavy, and I can't lift my chin from my chest, I manage to raise my hand from my lap and grab what I...think is the right dice. They're all so shiny and pretty to look at. Besides, it had a big number - six! That was practically 20, right?

"You didn't even roll the right dice, toy," the DM chuckles. Bemused smiles cross my fellow DnD player's faces. "It doesn't matter, it's a nat 1. And with your wisdom modifier being negative 3, you feel your wisdom drop."

No, that can't be right. Wasn't I playing a highly intellectual wizarrrrr...? My thoughts leak out as my eyes start to roll in the back of my head, my eyelids fluttering

"Yes, that's right, feel every last thought drain out of your mind. It leaks out of your brain stem, through your torso, and into your even more so-throbbing boy clit..."

I didn't notice it until now, but I had been squirming in my seat. Despite the fact I was wearing black skinny jeans, there was an obvious wet spot already formed between my legs. When did that happen?

My blue eyes roll back further as my back arches out of the chair, my hips bucking slightly. The rest of the thoughts drain into my pussy, making me wetter and hornier. I can only listen, now. Absorb what is being put into my subconscious.

"Toy, roll for charisma," the DM chides. "No, not that dice, the other-- no, the other-other one. Good boy," he hums as I finally grab the d20 and fling it across the table, not in too good of control of my actions at the moment as I feel my enlarged clit rub against the fabric of my boxer briefs. Fuck, this is why I don't shave down there - for extra comfort . Wait, when DID I shave down there?

Oh! Right! One of the party members performed entangle on me last session and shaved me, duh! They said good toys should have as much access to their clits as possible!

"An 18! Good boy!" The master...er, party member to my left congratulates me by gripping my upper thigh, then looking at my character sheet. "Not to mention your plus three modifer! Do you know what that makes it?" They send a knowing glance to the DM, grinning.

"If you get this right, I'll let you touch yourself, toy," Dungeon Master smiles.

My eyes momentarily come back to focus at this promise. I try desperately to solve the simple addition problem. Eighteen plus three...both of those numbers kind of look like boobs. Hehe, my boobs are aching from pleasure... Without thinking about it, I reach under my shirt and push my binder up, just high enough so my boobs will fall out of it. Without thinking, I don't pull my shirt back down, leaving me exposed. This will help me think!

But of course the more I try and think, the more thoughts drain into my vagina, making my clit throb harder.

"I. uh...UH...Ahh...ahhh...AHHH...." The moaning becomes more intense. I don't even remember what the question was. My eyes roll to the back of my head as drool drips out of my open mouth and down my chin, onto my newly exposed breasts.

I'm only slightly aware of some of the other party members chuckling, and the others taking videos and pictures of me. It makes me feel good. I hope they'll send them to me so I can post them on Tumblr and show my masters and mistresses what a good toy I am.

"That's okay, toy. I never said anything about anyone else touching you," Dungeon Master chuckled. "And the important thing is, you passed your charisma roll, meaning you get to strip for all of us."

I slowly push my chair away from the table, standing in a trance-like state.

"Yes, Dungeon Master..." These words come out clear, yet monotone.

See the full post

111 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#3

Stolen from insta

136 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

#2

Imagine giving me a bouquet of flowers and I’m super excited about it, but little do I know they have a hypnotic scent to them where the longer I breathe it in the more of a mindless toy I become. You come back over later that night and find me on the floor naked, edging and drooling, ready to be played with 🥰

177 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Oooh you wanna obsess over my art sooooo bad ooooh you love my art so much!!!

280 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theriverpersonshadow]

Lamia Drama Part 8

WELL THAT GOT LONGER THAN I INTENDED. But I guess that’s what happens when you have a majority of the people in one place XD

I hope this chapter went well... It felt kinda rambly, but it was fun seeing people play off each other. It was hard to get the same level of depth with characters as previous chapters with so many, but hey, interactions are fun too! Hope you guys enjoy.

As always, the species of lamia in this fic belong to @vex-bittys

< PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT >

           Keith and the rest found Alex pretty easily. And a few other lamia that were either allowed free roam or had just slipped out. She didn’t seem to notice the onlookers, more caught up in petting Oozy… who wasn’t technically in his hammock. Maybe it’s best he didn’t make that bet with Hux earlier. Sure, Oozy’s close to the hammock, but Hux would absolutely rules lawyer him and demand snacks because he’s not in the hammock. Hux was a rule stickler… when and only when it helped him in some way. Eh, Keith could roll with it though (even if his dice sometimes couldn’t, but that’s what a DM screen is for).

           Keith was hesitant to break up the cute moment between the two – Oozy was apparently having the time of his life, and Alex seemed pretty wrapped up in it herself, humming some tune or another while stroking him. Keith listened, trying to place it, but…

           She was repeating it, huh? Was that the only part of the song she knew? Then again, it seemed like the good part, whatever it was. Easy enough to pick up too. Keith started humming along.

Hux rolled his eyes, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like “great, two of them” and slithered over, “Yo. Girl person. Ya coming or what?”

Alex looked up, “I mean, yeah, I think? Coming where?”

“nooooooooo…” Oozy said, taking her hand and putting it back on his head. “Sorry guys. I’m stealing her. She’s my personal petter now. That’s the rules.”

“Since when?!” Hux said.

Oozy looked a moment, then licked her hand. “I licked her, she’s mine.”

Keith stared at him in shock, not sure whether to laugh or slap him. “Dude.”

Nikolai gave a heavy sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Don’t lick party members. Or people in general.”

           “How does that work anyways? You’re a skeleton,” Alex said.

           “Maaaagic,” Keith said, wiggling his fingers in emphasis. “In other words, uh… Monster biology is weird. Or half monster biology. Whatever the fuck we are.”

           Nikolai nodded, “More or less, yes. I can explain it in more detail later, if you’d prefer.” He started coming forward and Alex inched away. Keith hissed before he could catch himself, but Nikolai didn’t seem offended. Instead, he lowered himself in a bow, “And I’d like to apologize for how I acted earlier… I’ll admit I, erm… Overreacted. But we’ve had issues in the past of people coming in to steal babies or eggs, one of the fools tried to snag a mamba egg and got himself killed. I just get a bit jumpy about strangers around them.”

           Alex nodded, relaxing a little, but still staring off at a clock instead of Nikolai. Her hand continued to run across Oozy as she said, “I get it. They’re just little dudes, too freaking small. And some are venomous. Not like you knew me.”

           “Still, I should’ve given you more of a chance or at least asked you politely to leave before turning to threat displays,” Nikolai said.

           “Eh… It was my fault,” Keith said. “I should’ve warned ya I was bringing someone in. Anyways, let’s try this again. Alex, this is Nikolai. He could probably fuck you up, but he’s everyone’s mom.”

           Nikolai made no move to deny it.

           “Hux here is the grumpy snake. He’ll warm up to ya.”

           “No I won’t.”

           Keith rolled his eyes, “He’s just a grump.”

           Hux mumbled to himself.

           “I think you’ve met Oozy pretty well by now.”

           “Sup,” Oozy said, making absolutely zero movement.

           “And, erm… Nikolai, you’ve got Trousle, right.”

           “Hello human! I’m Trousle! Please let me say hi.” Said Trousle’s little speaker. He was poking out from Nikolai’s sleeve, apparently wrapped around his arm.

           “He’s mute, but he’s pretty fast at typing. Got his own phone and everything,” Keith said, watching this girl intently. Apparent soulmate or not, if she was dick about Trousle, she was out of here. She might’ve earned Oozy’s enthusiastic (well… enthusiastic by his standards, dude looked like a kid in a candy store, but the world’s laziest kid) approval, but he wasn’t going to let an asshole mess with the little dude. Hux would warm up, that was more him being a bit of an ass than her, but he’d get over it… probably.

           “Oh that’s cool! Do you have a phone number? Honestly I think my fingers work better than my mouth sometimes, but I guess talking out loud doesn’t really have a backspace key? But yeah! C’mere… Wait, I can hold him, right? Snakes are just, like, noodle puppies.” She paused, looking at everyone in the room. “I’d offer to hold you guys, but I am literally the second smallest person in here. I mean, guess we can try, but I don’t think it’ll go well?”

           Keith snorted. Gosh, she was something, huh? A little awkward, but who wouldn’t be super awkward in this situation?

           Nikolai brought Trousle over and she draped him around her neck. He nuzzled her cheek, giving her little scratches behind the ear.

           … should someone tell him that she’s not a dog?

           …

           Naaaaaaaaaah. She didn’t seem to mind anyways,

           Hux made a fake-gagging gesture at the two and Keith rolled his eyes, whispering at them, “Oh let’em have this. It’s cute.”

           “I’m getting diabetes. Like, right now. They’re just beaming diabetes across the room.”

           “Be nice,” Nikolai said, “It’s not going to kill you to have to actually smile at a human once in a while.”

           “Yes it will. It’s, like, a terminal thing. If I smile at a human, I will instantly turn to dust.”

           No such condition had ever existed and likely never would.

           Keith’s first instinct was to back up Nikolai, but it was almost an in-joke that he’d at least try to defend Hux no matter how clearly in the wrong the guy was. Admittedly, it was as often as not either due to boredom or just feeling bad for the guy…

           It’s not like Hux didn’t have a point – a point that he had iterated in frustrated, sometimes tear-filled tirades at least a few dozen times. He didn’t want to be treated like a pet, he’s allowed to not want to be a pet. Sure, not every adopter is like that. Some might’ve been looking for pets, yeah, but just as many want a kid or a friend, especially with full sized lamia. It could be more or less just like adopting any other monster, save for needing a good deal more raw meat. But Hux didn’t see it that way… Not that Keith ever blamed him. There wasn’t a huge market for full-sized Corals, their reputation as being stubborn, a bit lazy, and tsundere as hell was cute in something you could pick up and snuggle as it chirped indignantly and secretly enjoyed it – like an extra intelligent, reptilian cat – but less so when it was just as big as you and probably stronger. Everyone wanted a housecat, no one wanted a mountain lion. Or those that did need something to growl and hiss would probably pick Kings or Mambas.

           Nikolai gave a long-suffering sigh, “You will not turn to dust if you’re forced to be nice every now and then.”

           “Yeah I will. It’ll, like, strangle my soul or some shit. Keith, back me up here. Tell ‘im.”

           Nikolai had the distinct impression of a haggard mom trying to reason with an unruly kid. He just looked so done. Dude could handle customers, angry mamba moms, being a jungle gym for babies, and training employees who may or may not have believed he knew he what he was doing, but Hux was his breaking point.

           Keith stifled a chuckle, stuffing his hands in his pockets as his mind worked over what to do… He didn’t want to just abandon Hux – Nikolai would know it was just him being a loyal bro – but Alex wouldn’t. She might not’ve been looking at them, but he caught the way she kept glancing over…

           “Welp, ya heard him. He’s sick. I prescribe ten CC’s of coffee with extra sugar and bribery with shiny objects.”

           Hux’s head popped up, body at attention. “I’m listening… How many shiny objects are we talking.”

           “… we’re not bribing him.”

           “I’ve got extra dice?” Alex said hesitantly. Trousle was looking at her in concern, patting her face. She said, “I mean, I kinda like having all my dice, but I guess I don’t need seven sets… I’m keeping the black ones though, they’re good for fight scenes. And the orange ones, they were my first set ever and are not for sale. Also, the green and purple ones are just a fae vibe, I’m keeping them. They’re just average, but I like them.” Pause. “And the lesbian dice are mine. They won’t like you anyways, you’re a boy.”

           All of them nodded understandingly. You could only play DnD so long and not get irrationally attached to the colorful little click clack rocks of fate.

           “That counts as one shiny object,” Hux said.

           “There are seven in each set!” Pause. “Well, more or less. I’ve lost some over the years.”

           “You’ve got a point… More dice for the dice dragon! Mwahahahah!” Hux said, hamming it up.

           Keith’s mouth twitched into a grin as he shook his head at the goof. How was he this cute? Just… goober. His friend is a total goof sometimes.

           “Can I try the lesbian dice?” Trousle asked, holding himself at an awkward position to type.

           “I… I guess? Just give them back after…” Alex said. She ran a finger across Trousle’s head, smiling as he let out little breathy attempts to “Nyeh.”

           “Why are they lesbians anyways? Do they only work for girls?” Nikolai said.

           “Here, lemme show you.” She unzipped one of the pouches on her bag and brought out a baggy full of dice that were lesbian flag colored. “My friend got them for me for Christmas.”

           “That’s amazing. I want twelve,” Keith said.

           “You’re not a lesbian… or a girl! I think… I mean, if there’s something you want to tell us, that’s fine, but I was under the impression you weren’t even interested in relationships,” Nikolai said.

           “Maybe I could get, like… Dice that are for people who are just no.”

           “Ace and aro. Probably,” Alex said.

           “Oh cool. Words for it. Nice!”

           “Give me words for friends with everyone! I want a flag too!”

           “I… I don’t know if there’s a flag for that? Maybe we could put a dog on a flag? It’d be hard to make dice with dogs on them though,” Alex said.

           “Ya could put a little dog face on every side and interpret the roll based on how much they’re a Good Boy,” Keith said.

           “That would only roll Nat 20’s,” Alex said, deadpan.

           “… good point. It could be the luckiest dice,” Keith said, grinning.

           “I AM THE GOODEST BOY. Give me dog dice.” Trousle said, tucking the phone away to throw his little fists in the air, a gleam in his eye as he sat on Alex’s head.

           Keith laughed. “Oh my gosh. I mean, that sounds adorable, but, uh… I think that miiiiight be a little too game breaking, even for me.”

           “Give me dog dice.” He slithered back down to around Alex’s neck, holding himself out towards Keith the best he could and giving some mix between a glare and a pout.

           “Trousle no.”

           “Trousle YES,” Alex said.

           Troulse nodded enthusiastically, bouncing in place so hard that he fell off and Alex yelped as she caught him.

“Are you alright?!”

           Trousle gave a thumbs up, coiling around her arm.

           Oozy had apparently fallen asleep on the floor, so Hux poked him with a stick, making Oozy whine. “Soooooo… Are we gonna get Glitterass, or are we just shadow banning him from this? I mean, I wouldn’t say no if we are…”

           “We should probably go get him, yeah,” Keith said. “Ya ready Alex? Liam’s a mamba, and one of his eyes don’t work. Try to stay on his good side, literally. Metaphorically too if you want, but he doesn’t like having people where he can’t see or hear them well.” Not that anyone would like that, just courtesy really, but maybe not something you’d think of immediately.

           Alex nodded, “Alright, let’s go!”

[yourplayersaidwhat]

We had just finished our first quest, where none of us really were experienced DnD player, and I did some feeble attempts at solid DM'ing. The goal of the quest had been to find an antidote for a farmer’s son who had gone into a magical coma.

(ps: due to an inside joke, Winnie the Pooh is in the party like, just there. Christopher Robin is the farmers son who fell ill. The party coloured winnie the pooh neon pink. I don’t know why.)

DM: You reach the farm. You don’t have to roll shit to figure out these peeps are poor. They have a cow and a goat in a small pen that don’t look too hot. Oh, and there’s a donkey tied by the door to their shedlike home.

Elf Ranger: guys i think these peeps are super poor.

Half-Elf Cleric (only good aligned partymember): oh my god really????

DM: just as you say that, the door creaks open, and a thin, a bit aged man peeks out, and when he sees you, his eyes go wide and he steps fully outside, and he says “Are you the ones my daughter sent to- have you found it? Did you find the antidote for my son?”

Half-Elf Cleric: Hello we are here to speak to you about Jesus Christ- I mean, Njord. That’s my deity, right?

Elf Ranger: Yeah, the word of Njord.

Dward Fighter (whose alignment is sorta fuzzy): Yeah we got some antidote dude but uhh time cough up some gold pieces, aight

DM: So- these news fills him with both glee and fear. He sinks down on his feet-

Half-Elf Cleric: What was he on before

DM: -His knees. He sinks down on his knees, and he brings his hands together in your typical prayer like- he’s begging you. “Please, we have… nothing.”

Tiefling Warlock (Chaotic Neutral): sad trombone

DM: “Please, I- I have but one son, he and my daughter are- we won’t be able to do the amount of work- we need him!”

Tiefling Warlock: “Shall we move on, my fellows?”

DM: As you guys speak about this, Winnie the Pooh slides down from /Half-Elf Cleric/’s shoulders, where he’s been perched, and sort of waddles forward, past the begging father, and into the house, to join Christopher Robin.

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWWWWW

Dwarf Fighter: Ey he didn’t swipe the antidote from us, did he?

DM: No- no, you still got that.

Tiefling Warlock: I would’ve Eldritch Blasted his ass if he had.

Half-Elf Cleric: I think we should just give them the antidote.

DM: Like- just to clarify: the antidote is not like- a valuable thing. It’s just this one specific conconction for this particular- you won’t get more cash out of this anywhere else, nobody is gonna run up to you and go “oh, my father is in a magical coma and needs an antidote that-!” like. It’s literally worthless except for these people.

Tiefling Warlock: But we won't have to help someone pro bono.

Half-Elf Cleric: *annoyed sigh* I don’t give a damn about money.

Everyone except her: *horrified gasps*

Dwarf Fighter: … well, you guys do got a nice ass-

Everyone: WHAT

Dwarf Fighter: the donkey. You got a nice donkey.

DM: You… want the donkey.

Half-Elf Cleric: IS IT EEYORE

Everyone: YES we want the donkey.

DM: … The man looks at the donkey and then at you, and he goes “I- If it is a trade between the life of my son and my donkey, it’s- then it’s yours.” And- and Eeyore looks up at you all-

Everyone: YES IT’S EEYORE

DM: -and he goes “I figured I was going to get sold anyway…”

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWW

DM: and the farmer goes “AAA” cus he didn’t know he had a talking donkey

Dwarf Fighter: eyy hasn’t he seen Shrek talking donkeys means cash

DM: yeah well that doesn’t matter now cus he’s giving him to you guys

Dwarf Fighter: right you are

DM: and the man unties Eeyore and he sighs deeply and he goes “this surely won’t make things easier for us… but in exchange for my son… *sigh*”

Tiefling and Dwarf: oh stop moping around jesus hell

Half-Elf Cleric: EYY if I have a ‘set of commoners clothes’ can i give them to them cus they look poor right

DM: I guess

Half-Elf Cleric: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

DM: but then you’d be naked

Half-Elf Cleric: NÄÄÄIJ in that case fuck it you don’t get shit i’m sorry i tried

DM: -and you just start taking of your clothes to give them to the man, but you realise halfway through what you’re doing and you get dressed again

Tiefling: cover yourself, woman

DM: so- let me get this straight. You guys literally have a box on wheels that you pull along with you, and it is filled… with the golden heads of a pair of statues AND YOU WANNA TAKE THIS POOR FAMILYS DONKEY.

Tiefling: survival of the fittest, honey *grabs rope with Eeyore on the other end*

-they go inside and give Christopher Robin the antidote-

Christopher Robin: what the fuck

DM: And the family all rejoice at the awakening of their son, and they turn and thank you, and they’re in the middle of hugging you all when the farmer murmurs “They… they took the donkey.” and the whole family just. Goes quiet-

Dwarf Fighter: fucking tattletale?

DM: - and the mother sort of sinks down on her chair and she whisperes “How will we surviv-”

Tiefling: Oh for fucks- “look, woman, if you don’t shut up I’ll Eldritch Blast your ass-”

Half-Elf Cleric: “HEY WHAT”

DM: The woman gasps loudly and pales-

Dwarf Fighter: “Yo what’s the problem don’t you want a talking donkey”

Half-Elf Cleric: “I meant the whole threatening to KILL HER actually”

Tiefling: “I wasn’t threatening her, I was just stating a fact”

DM: That if she wouldn’t shut up you’d kill her?

Tiefling: It’s a very known fact.

DM: Winnie the Pooh is looking at Christopher Robin with such glee; it’s really indescribable how happy he’s looking, and he’s hopping around happily and he’s climbing up on the bed to give him a big old hug, and Christopher Robin, he goes- “What the- could you guys like take the bear away from me.”

Everyone: “WHAT”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Isn’t he like with you?”

Christopher Robin: “Wh- no? I just went into the woods and he just came up to me, and I found this ruin and he just followed me? And then I got stung by something and that’s all I remember? Could you like take him away he’s a bit creepy. And why is he pink?”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Well uhh he’s yours now. You don’t have a donkey anymore, so-”

DM: And this sorta comes as news to him cus when the father told the fam he had just woken up so he was a bit disoriented so now he goes “Wh-Why is-? What happened to our donkey?” And the father, he goes “Well, son, it was their demand to give you the antidote… and-”

Tiefling: “By the way… can we get this transaction on paper?”

DM: - and the boy turns to you incredulously, and he goes “But-! You can’t! We need that donkey, without it we’ll die!”

Dwarf: “You’re young and strong, boy, time to saddle up.”

Tiefling: “You got a bear now.”

DM: - And Christopher Robin starts to cry too, and he goes “You might’ve saved our lives, but you’ve killed our family-”

Dwarf: “Anywho, gots to go.”

DM: So, you go to leave the shedlike home, and the athmostphere is next to devastated-

Dwarf: “Okay, okay, I ain’t okay with this. We go here and save your life, and you guys are devastated? Really?”

Tiefling: “I agree entirely. Ungrateful runt.”

Cleric: “I-”

DM: “And Chrisopher Robin slams the door in your face.”

Cleric: “No, I was- I was gonna whisper to him "I didn’t want this, I wanted to let you have it for free-”

DM: -Okay, so you whisper that, and he just stares you down, and he shakes his head, and tears are falling down, and he just spits out “You’re just as bad as them for letting it happen anyway,” and he throws the door shut in front of your face after doing that.

Cleric: “GODDAMNIT”

DM: okay so like just to state- like, you guys are super welcome to just. give them something on your own accord, like, out of your own pocket, you picked up som gold in that temple, so if you want to-

Cleric: I WANNA GIVE THEM 100 GP

Tiefling: WHAT “NO, NO, DON’T” ok so I try to pursuade /cleric/ not to do it.

DM: You- you can’t roll to make another player do stuff they don’t wanna do.

Tiefling: Okay, uh “Hey, /cleric/. Don’t do it.” There, you’re pursuaded.

Cleric: … yeah, nah. I give them the gold.

DM: So- you hammer on the door and you shout “I GOT GOLD FOR YOU” or something like that, and Christopher Robin opens the door, and once he sees the gold you’re extending, he- he is so happy. He takes the gold and he goes to hug you, and the entire family comes out and does the same, they can buy like 3 donkeys now i dunno how GP works in dnd yet uhhh so-

Tiefling: Fuck this, I eldritch blast Christopher Robin.

Cleric: NO YOU DON’T i stand in the way.

DM: -Fine? Uh, roll an attack roll.

Tiefling: Twelve.

DM: You miss. You hit the ground.

Tiefling: … don’t I hit the house at least?

DM: NO YOU- WHY DO YOU WANT TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

 Cleric: WHY WOULD YOU STILL ROLL WHEN I WAS STANING IN THE WAY- YOU TRIED TO KILL ME

Ranger: All of this for a donkey

DM: Nah, dude, you got the donkey. This is because /Cleric/ gave them 100 GP

Ranger: Oh okay

Dwarf: Yeah, but they’re super ungrateful. Bastards.

Cleric: Yeah but we can’t KILL THEM for that??

DM: so the family, they- after the attempted murder, they run back into the house. 

Dwarf: Did they take the gold?

DM: Yeah.

Dwarf: Rat bastards.

DM: Does /Tiefling/ want to keep his spree of 'teaching people some manners’ going or?

Tiefling: Nahhh. But he does cast sleep on /Cleric/ cus he’s pissed.

Cleric: haHA i’m a half elf and I can’t be magically put to sleep!

Tiefling: Nvm then I’m tired.

DM: So- you guys walk away from the house, and just for a moment you hear the door opening and then quickly closing-

Ranger: No

DM: -and you turn, and- Winnie the Pooh has been tossed out of the house.

Dwarf: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT when Njord taketh a donkey he giveth thee an illuminescent bear, and they just TOSS HIM OUT

DM: - and Winne the Pooh sits on the ground very- very sadly. Had he had tear ducts, he would cry a single tear. He is on the ground-

Ranger: Still pink?

DM: Still pink.

Cleric: :’(

Ranger: ugh FINE let’s take him with us.

DM: You go and pick him up, and he is so happy. So, so happy.

Dwarf: what are we, collecting Winnie the Pooh characters?

DM: He’s on /clerics/ shoulder again-

Tiefling: Can’t we put him on Eeyores back?

Dwarf: Can’t we put EEYORE on WINNIE THE POOH’s back?

DM: You put Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh back, and you now have a donkey on top of a bear on the ground. They are not moving.

Cleric: Oh dear.

DM: And Eeyore sighs and goes “I knew I’d be too heavy”

Everyone: “AWWWWWW”