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op-sheepy · 4 years ago

Note

ok so I'm particularly interested in

Bellamy Law

Law and Bible stuff

Law is a substitute kindergarten teacher

shichibukai applications

reverse hanahaki disease (?? do u spit out flowers when your nemesis walks by?)

if you feel like elaborating on any of these!

This is gonna get long and I actually contemplated posting them separately but would that have been more work? Yeah, that felt like more work so for anyone interested, check under the cut. :D

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Bellamy Law

Hm… This would be an attempt to explore the parallels and contrasts between Bellamy and Law. I've always found it fascinating that the former was a foil to the latter.

They both come from well-off towns in the North Blue.

Bellamy left because of boredom. Law had no choice because Flevance.

Both ended up seeking Doflamingo because of his notoriety as a pirate. Both admired him initially

Doffy favored one over the other though. Bellamy always sought his approval but was never really part of the inner circle Doflamingo cared about.

Law got the dubious privilege of being part of the family despite being absent for so long. Even offered one of the highest seats by Doffy's side for seemingly nothing.

Law had no trouble turning his back on Doffy once he realized the man's nature. Bellamy tried to stick to his principles until the end despite admitting that he new he was wrong.

Bellamy can (and did) quit piracy after his ordeal with Doflamingo. Having the option to live peacefully, perhaps a return to his previous life (the one he considered boring). Law can't do that quite as easily what with his Devil fruit and his reputation.

I thought it would be interesting trying to explore what Bellamy was thinking. Did he hear the Donquixote Pirates talk about their missing 'family'? Did he get to see Doffy be amused at Law's rise as a Supernova while he kept being reminded of his own status? Did Law save Bellamy partially because he also saw what he could have been had Corazon not saved him?

On principle, Bellamy should have hated Trafalgar Law. Does. Bastard even saved him without him wanting it. But there was something about the shadows haunting those eyes and Bellamy started to wonder.

He had heard the family talk about Law before. The child personally taught by Doflamingo, chosen to be his right hand. Never was he compared to the man because Law was just obviously better. Smarter. Stronger. Bellamy was ever just an uncouth thug.

He was allowed to 'borrow' Doflamingo's symbol while Law had an empty seat waiting for his return–a seat Bellamy had wanted enough to risk everything for.

Maybe he had resented, Trafalgar Law for carelessly rejecting the things he had that Bellamy had always desired. In the end too, Trafalgar Law did prove to be better. He'd done as a child what Bellamy had trouble doing even as he was now.

But having been given the chance to observe the other man as they all recovered, he wondered, perhaps for the first time, whether despite Law being better than Bellamy, Bellamy had had it better–barring the poor life choices.

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Law and Bible stuff

This is just me wanting to know how many biblical parallels and themes I can draw from Law, the Donquixote brothers, the characters associated with them, and his backstory. Honestly not sure whether this would become a fic and in what style or I'm gonna give up and just make it a post.

Not gonna elaborate on them much but here are the ideas in more bullet points (yay):

Law gets familiar with all four horsemen of the apocalypse: conquest, war, famine, and death. He even survives them.

Law is like the son in the parable of the prodigal son to the Donquixote pirates. Except the themes are inverted.

Doflamingo and Rocinante -> Cain and Abel

Ope Ope no Mi -> Granting eternal life by sacrificing one's own life

Gods descending or living among humans. Also, Homing and his family being prosecuted for other people's sins.

That scene where they were hanged by their arms outstretched looks like a crucifixion. Also, Rocinante was on the right while Doflamingo was on the left. Similar to how the penitent thief was on the right and the unrepentant one to the left.

Flevance being considered a paradise with walls/fences/gates and somewhere Law cannot return to.

In the panel where the Donquixote pirates are seated at the table, there were thirteen of them with Doffy at the center. Same as The Last Supper

There are a lot more of these (David and Goliath, Solomon, Jonah, Job, etc.) but I kinda lost the notes and some are more visual so I can't really explain it too well. This would is a drabble series to emphasize or highlight the parallels so no proper snippet for this one.

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Law is a substitute kindergarten teacher

Originally an idea to get around most of the Heart Pirates being nameless but evolved to include other characters as kids. Chopper is a kindergarten teacher and he convinces Law to take over his class for a week because somehow Law has the qualifications to and free time. Naturally, he wasn't able to say no.

Unfortunately, despite not being terrible at handling children, Chopper's class is filled with menaces. Also, despite not being terrible, Law can still be awkward so...

"Mr. Trofao–fargar—"

"Trafalgar."

The kid—which one was this one again? Shit, he should really get them name plates or something—scrunched up his face and tried harder, "Tar-pal—"

"Law. Just call me Law."

"Mr. Low"—eh, close enough—"can I go to the bathroom?" Wide imploring eyes stared up at him.

"Sure, go ahead." Law gestured towards the exit of the classroom with his head.

The kid just stared expectantly at him and he tried to suppress the need to narrow his eyes.

"Is there… anything else?"

"Mr. Chopper always comes with me to hold my hand."

Really?

"Mr. Chopper isn't here. You should practice doing it on your own now." He said after a deep inhale.

"But the monsters might get me…"

"No, they won't."

"You don't know that."

"I do." Before the kid could open his mouth again to argue, he added, "Besides, children taste terrible so you're safe."

The kid looked stricken and took a step back from him. Uh oh. Glistening eyes, wobbling lower lip… "Alright! I'll go with you." The kid did not look reassured. In fact he looked like going alone with Law was the last thing he wanted to do. Guess, he kinda implied that he ate children didn't he? Oops.

Well, the kid needs to go and he's not going to be cleaning up after him if he wets himself.

Law glanced at the rest of the children. It was Arts and Craft time and they seemed preoccupied enough. Still, Law doubted Chopper ever left these kids alone–already he could see some of them glancing up at him, waiting for him to leave no doubt to cause trouble. That Monkey kid in particular looked extremely suspicious.

He stood up from his crouch and clapped twice to get everyone's attention.

"Alright. Fall in line. Single file."

There was some grumbling and questioning directed at him. "What's going on?"

Law shrugged. "You're all going to the bathroom."

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Shichibukai Application Forms

Crackfic where the World Government and relevant parties review various Shichbukai Applications. Most submitted by the pirates applying themselves, some produced by their own staff. They discuss and debate. As well as judge pirate resumes.

She scanned the document. Terrible format, really. If you fail to impress within the first page, you've failed entirely. There just wasn't anyone promising enough in this batch of applications or any of the other ones before. The last one had been that clown. "Apprentice to the Pirate King," was a pretty hefty credential.

"Oh, how about this one? Three years experience pillaging, and they even listed all the towns they looted." One of the newly transferred administrative staff said.

"None of these are worth considering at all. You know, when Mihawk was asked to submit his application, he hadn't bothered with all of this. He just sent us a card with his name on it and the title "World's Strongest Swordsman," underneath."

The staff perked up. "Oh, there was an application like that." There was scramble and some shuffling before a plain white card was produced. "Here."

"'From Trafalgar Law'. What does this even mean?"

"Well, it did come with a big box..."

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Reverse Hanahaki Disease

(?? do u spit out flowers when your nemesis walks by?)

Haha. At first it was going to be that way (because it is hilarious) but the inflicted would probably choke to death too soon. Or if both enemies had it, they'd end up just coughing flowers at each other until they stopped being enemies.

The version I ended up going with was that this variant of Hanahaki, instead of afflicting those with unrequited love, affected those in denial instead. The reverse part comes from the original idea that this would usually happen if you somehow fell in love with your nemesis (someone you originally hated). So it's not the thought that the other person can't love you, it's that you can't accept that you love that other person. You get cured by confessing to the person sincerely.

This is actually another KidLaw (surprise!). And the flower coughed up directly represents the person they're in love with (I went with Oda's flower representation for them because I found it funny for plot)

So the idea is that, you get sick but you don't automatically know (maybe) who it is because that's part of being in denial. Kid and Law have many enemies after all. In this story they both get it though not exactly at the same time and not known to the other.

He survived Amber Lead Syndrome only to be killed off by a stupid flower disease that apparently knows more about his own feelings than he does.

He glared at the petals. Tulips. Red.

An image of a cocky grin and a shock of red hair flashed through his mind and—nope. That's not right.

He coughed harder, tears stinging his eyes with the effort. More flowers. Now he has enough for a bouquet.

Alright, he was a doctor. He could do this. Differential time.

First, which variant does he have. He doesn't particularly feel unloved or hopeless. There wasn't anyone he wanted in particular to love him. Ok, nothing. It was maybe safe to say he had that other variant.

Which was stupid because Law had many enemies and he hated all of them.

And cue the racking coughs. More red. He was very familiar with that particular shade.

New theory. This was a new variant that somehow makes you sick when you think of the person you hated the most.

Yes, that had to be it. He thought as he all but collapsed on the floor from the sudden paroxysm.

I knew this was gonna get long. :) Oh well...

Thank you for playing. :D

#One Piece #One piece fanfiction #wip game #trafalgar law #donquixote brothers #donquixote doflamingo #donquixote roci #donquixote homing #donquixote pirates #one piece bellamy #bellamy the hyena #eustass kid #kidlaw #trafalgar d water law

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qwertyfingers · 4 years ago

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we know that bobby only watched ds9 and dean watched the tos movies for sure which implies he's seen tos as well (plus he calls jack spock). so what do you think everyone's favorite trek is? sam is without a doubt a tng fan first and foremost. i think out of all tos movies cas prefers the wrath of khan because he Feels Things when kirk and spock do the ta'al through the glass. charlie has definitely seen some trek (we've seen her llap), do you think she's into tos first and foremost? anyway let's talk about star trek nights in the bunker.

OKAY SO I HAVE. MANY MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG.

like. like of COURSE bobby only likes ds9 of course he does i could have told you this without the show becuase like. bobby is That Bitch. i think rufus will have watched TOS at least because leonard nimoy worked hard on linking jewish faith and practices into the vulcan lore and i think that would mean something to him. bobby will catch rufus smiling at him sometimes while they’re watching ds9 and ask him what all gruffly and rufus will smirk at him and say something about sisko with jake and bobby with dean and bobby will just cough and take a swig of whiskey and rufus will raise his eyebrows but let it slide. rufus definitely makes a comment once about dean&cas being like jake&nog that totally flies over dean’s head but bobby is all knowing eyebrow raise about.

i think cas and jack would really like discovery. while it has some issues with inconsistency, pacing, being a little dark, it also does better than the other TV treks at utilising the nature of film as a medium to instill a sense of wonder, at space and the world, and that’s something they’d really appreciate. i have my own issues with disco, but an obol for charon is as close to the central core of trek that disco ever gets. cas and jack also like that one in particular because they like listening to all the different languages being spoken. they all love michael (everyone loves michael). cas’ faves are stamets and reno because they’re mean and gay, jack’s fave is tilly because she’s excitable and bright and he latches onto that. dean likes reno because she’s got spunk. sam’s fave is airiam and he will never forgive them for killing her off. sam, cas and dean all feel an uncomfortable kinship with both ash and culber - they’ve both been the one with monster teeming under the surface, controleld by something not themself, but they’ve also all spent that time in hell/purgatory, separated from everyone they love.

thinking about episodes that would really get to them all, darmok is. THE ONE. i have a whole unfinished essay about darmok as the platonic ideal of star trek; the perfect distillation of everything trek is SUPPOSED to be about. it doens’t always get there but by god it tries! that speech michael gives in the disco s2 finale - “There's a whole galaxy of people out there who will reach for you. You have to let them. Find that person who seems farthest from you and reach for them.” - that’s what darmok is about!!! it’s all about a situation where real communication seems impossible, where everything we know about talking and learning has broken down. and picard says, okay, i will find another way. i can’t relate to you, you can’t relate to me, but by god i’m going to try. we all meet people we have trouble communicating with in our lives, and often, those people will not care about changing their own ways to accommodate us. for people with autism, adhd, psychosis, the list goes on, this is a very common occurrence. it’s exhausting and frustrating and alienating. darmok is all about crossing that barrier. about reaching for someone through a world of difficulty and learning how to talk. learning how to share something with someone who seems out of our reach. it’s beautiful, it’s heartwrenching, it means more to me than i can easily put into words!

anyway i think the bunker fam would experience a lot of emotions watching it together. there’s defintiely a lot of hugging eachother, sam cries a lot and won’t look at anyone until after the episode ends. jack just asks a lot of questions and talks about his progress learning sign language with cas. dean snakes his hand into cas’ halfway through and doesn’t let go. doesn’t show the emotion on his face, but he clutches harder at the emotional beats. cas runs his fingers through jack’s hair and thinks a lot, and decides not to say anything unless dean talks first. its just a Lot for everyone.

dean def makes them marathon all the TOS and TNG movies. it’s an experience everyone needs at least once. i think you’re right about cas and TWOK with the ta’al through the glass, but also ‘this simple feeling’ and the hand hold would make him feel crazy. bones being the one that spock entrusts with his katra DEF makes dean feel some type of way because as much as destiel is kirkspock-coded, dean IS bones, and seeing spock trust bones so completely despite how at odds they were when they first knew eachother would dig deep into dean’s psyche and make him more than a little bit nutso. the movies are way too long for jack so he mostly sits and plays animal crossing while they watch and looks at the screen when everyone else gasps or when something exciting is happening that holds his attention for a while. sam’s fave is nemesis precisely because it’s terrible and he loves how camp it is.

dean has definitely seen all of trek. i refuse to believe someone who watches as much tv and films as dean wouldn’t sit and watch the whole shebang. i think he’s probably seen TOS and the TOS movies more than the others because its easier than sitting through 7 seasons, but i think rather than that being his favourite he’d just have really strong opinions about the best episodes of each one? like if you asked him what his favourite is he’d say you can’t answer that because they’re all so different from eachother

VOY - bride of chaotica, non seqitur, macrocosm for the favourite episodes. seven, janeway and tuvok would be his favourite characters. he think toms a bit of a knob but also feels a kinship with him for the similar brand of bab dad-ism but he wouldn’t be able to put that into words. he’s also a fierce defender of threshold being a good episode (he’s right for that)

DS9 - our man bashir it’s our man bashir. he doesn’t dislike ds9 but its very plot heavy and he didn’t care for it when he was younger. rewatching it after living through multiple supernatural wars he’d probably appreciate it more. i know for a fact he cries every time there’s an episode about sisko being a good dad. jadzia and garak are his faves

TNG - he LOVES q. he also absolutely will not be caught dead referencing how much loves q after cas comes into his life because sam will do the little brotherly knowing eyebrow raise at him and he will die of embarrassment. he regularly references ‘there are four lights’ because he’s a fucking nerd. he has made cas watch elementary my dear data and fistful of datas a half dozen times each at LEAST. cas KNEW how dean was going to be about the cowboy hat he’s defintiely got into full cowboy getup at home just for watching movies and in cas’ head star trek is fully to blame.

TOS - oh there are so many good TOS eps to choose from. obv he loves most of the series becuase TOS has MANY banger eps, his favourites are probably like. mirror mirror, amok time (baby dean defintiely had some kind of crisis watching it for the first time; i know the rituals are intricate). i know deep in my bones that dean watched the conscience of the king (introduction of the tarsus iv massacre) once and then spent his entire teenage years writing fic about that in his head, whether he posted it or not. dean related too much to those experiences of shared hunger. city on the edge of forever is one of everyone’s faves for a reason (and i’m STILL mad we never got a closer take on that episode in spn it could have been so fun).

ENT - he definitely thinks enterprise is stupid and he’s not wrong but he has also definitely watched it and been very repressed about the whole thing. mans was like oh i feel a kinship with malcolm reed the obviously repressed queer man. i will never examine this feeling ever again thank you <3 he also makes fun of archer for being obsessed with, of all sports, water polo. shran is his favourite character because he’s a little shit and makes him laugh, and t’pol, because t’pol is a badass and he’d appreciate that. i can’t remember the title of a single episode off the top of my head though lol.

i can see what you’re saying about sam being a TNG stan. i’m conflicted though, I feel like TNG’s generally the favourite of 1) obnoxious nerds who think knowing trivia facts makes them smart, 2) men desperately trying to seem masculine and 3) people who’ve watched it three times and have extremely complex thoughts on the personhood and rights of robots. i could see sam fitting into the third group, but people who are in it for the robot feelings are a coin flip between voyager and tng being the fave, and i just have a feeling that voyager would be his favourite. i know kid sam is getting gender envy watching voyager in shitty motels while dad and dean are out, trying to find the words for it. his first semester at stanford he talks a friend into giving him the janeway haircut and rides that high for months. sam’s favourite characters are seven and EMH.

sam and dean have definitely had dozens of long drawn out debates about philosophical topics in star trek. do the holograms deserve rights and if so which ones. are the romulans and vulcans still meaningfully the same people. was spock right for trying to foment reunification by going undercover on romulus. can the borg be redeemed. etc etc.

i haven’t seen any of picard at all so i can’t comment. i also think sam and dean probably read a lot of the trek books? they’re pretty common to find in secondhand bookstores and cheap, would have been even cheaper back in the day. sam probably doesn’t care for them much, dean has a few solid faves though. i’ve only read the disco books so i can’t comment anything specifically (besides the fact that i think dean read dead endless and cried like a baby), but some of the TOS and DS9 books are gay as hell and i know dean was eyes emoji-ing that shit.

#spn #spn fic #tfw 2.0 #treknatural

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ficauthor · 4 years ago

Text

You can erase memories but not love.

Jimmy neutron fanfiction? in 2020? on my blog? more likely than you think.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25206202

Pairing: Jimmy/ Cindy

Warnings: none

Jimmy Neutron 2005

Simplicity was the best form of action in this sort of situation. He just needed to not overthink it. That was all, just pop in and out. A quick bullet point to strike off his to-do list. He just needed to… he just needed to check. That was all. Just to be sure. Double check that there weren’t any stray mistakes. Just to be certain that he’d actually truly fixed the timeline. It’d been awhile, far too long if he thought about it logically, since Libby’s party. Should have checked as soon as it happened.

Really he should have jumped over to his lab fifteen whole years in the future the second everything had blown over. As soon as Libby and Ci- as soon as Libby stopped berating him. Instead he let it fester, the worry, scientific curiosity overtaking more processing power than strictly necessary. After all, he reasoned day after day, week after week, Robocop had disappeared with his failed gift. That was the truest proof anyone needed to see that the alternate future had been broken. Unfortunately that wasn’t what he was worried about. Well that wasn’t strictly true, there was some small concern, even without the serum turning Libby evil there was always the risk of adverse effects. Regardless, that wasn’t what he wanted to check. Not truly. No the true source of his worry was more personal in nature. Yet…

Every time he went down to his lab, fully intending to turn forward time on the arch, his stomach churned. The thought alone of what may lay on the other side setting everything within him off. The future was much more delicate than he’d assumed. All Hypotheses he’d banked on had predicted that time was a constant, something only partially malleable by him or anyone else. Everything that had happened would happen and had always happened. Jumps to the past, even when it came with a change to his present never felt real in the same way. There was a tangibility in them that felt more like a series of options, like they were diverging paths he could always retread. They were paths that he had retread. After the first mistake of time it was as simple as reversing what he’d done. But now?

He didn’t know where those paths went, and couldn't see their ends. Couldn’t predict where they would lead. Hypothesis was hypothesis for a reason, there was always room for interpretation or mistake. Time wasn't exactly something they could cement into a full theory. Though he liked to think of all the scientists he was possibly the closest to understanding it. Maybe that was ego, he’d seen how fast his own future had dwindled. It’d smacked him in the face, how in so little time, in just fifteen years he could be so stupid. Lose what he found so valuable to himself. Crammed even further in his head was that angry bitter marriage. Washing Cindy’s mother’s feet and getting yelled at by her.

Set in the in between He worked about making a much smaller version of his Chrono arch. Heart clambering up his throat beating faster should be physically possible. He ran the final batch of tests on the mini arch. If he knew not better, He’d think his heart had grown arms and was clawing its way out.

But it was time.

After a month of putting it off it was finally time. No longer could he go on without knowing. Without checking, his future self would remain in his mind in that constant state of being. Stupid to the point of farse, and genius to Nobel prize level, both consistent and remaining at the same time. Regardless of impossibility. Married and miserable and unmarried and successful. A schrodinger's problem of his own twisted making, both back to normal in the exact state of being that he wanted, and also in a fate he didn’t want. Was it better or worse that it was a marriage to Vortex of all people? That his fate was tied to hers in specific? A state of flux where they were either miserable together or happy apart. All of this would be simpler, so much simpler, if he just understood where they stood. That blasted Island had done nothing but muddy the lines further. He wasn’t going to become a victim of time. Unlike all of the greats he had a time machine, he had succeeded where all the others had failed and had made himself able to predict and escape his folly.

He fiddled with his watch as the arch thrummed to life... his modifications to make it more stable seemed to help. It'd really taken some damage when the cop bot went through even, the mini double seemed stubborn from the damages caused by that. He supposed it was the paradoxical nature of it, it was changing the timeline by going back thus scrambling things. Though he could not be certain. Time wasn’t exactly the constant that He’d hoped it was.

All his calculations seemed to point towards the portal remaining stable if he went through and back with no major deviation. Especially since he wasn’t going to change anything if he didn’t need to. Quick pop in at the lab, check Vox’s records, and then head home. This time the hole was going to be much much smaller even to mitigate the damage. Just large enough to carry him. It was even collapsible stored with just enough energy to transport one person there and back, hopefully. He’d run the numbers at least twenty times to be sure, time was after all not what he thought it to be. Roughly though the smaller the hole the better. At least he hoped. Last thing he needed was to rip an irreparable wound in time.

Goddard barked, circling around him no doubt eager to join him on an adventure. He’d have to go over Goddard's code and systems. Just to make sure, he didn't like the way the other Goddard’s shining plating had rusted and corroded, his processors no longer sparking or glowing with as much vigor. That however was a problem for him when he returned from his trip.

"No boy!" Jimmy called him down while Goddard wasn’t exactly living flesh he didn't know how much energy transporting him to would exert in the arch. If he was lucky Goddard would just be counted as inanimate, if he wasn't? Well it was just easier to go on his own.

Goddard whimpered looking down.

"Awh I'm sorry boy," he kneeled down scratching his chin the gesture soothed his dog," but it's better this way. Fewer variables. You understand... don't cha Goddard?"

He let out an excited yip wagging his tail before rushing over to his lab bed and curling up on it. Jimmy turned back to the Chrono-arch with any luck his adult counterpart shouldn't even know he's there. He’d set the arch to send him there at roughly mid-day, a time where most people were at work or school.

Easy in, easy out.

James Neutron 2020

"Aw, our little boy is moving out!" His mom cried out her voice filled with emotion. She’d gotten a little clingier in the weeks leading up to this. Her green eyes crinkled at the edges in the evenings as she pushed for him to stay longer with them. Tea and cookies always set out as she tried to squeeze in as much bonding as possible.

He usually acquiesced. After all who was he to refuse her baking?

They were in their fifties now. Weren’t getting any younger, their streaking grey making that clear. Dad’s solid blocks that grew from the temple's hair still roughly the same as always. Made sense there really wasn't much for him to change, His dad liked his haircut and wasn’t going to change it. His mothers own greys took root from the center of her hairline. Swirling down long and loosely curled, his mother always managed to look elegant even in the most bizarre of situations. She’d long since ditched the bangs that had framed her face in his youth and now went for a much more modern layered look. Both not quite elderly Neutrons were in surprisingly good shape for their ages. Mom ran a cycling club and Dad a dancing troupe in their retirement. Though, James supposed that a little over a decade of running from his experiments and nemesis will keep one in shape. Nothing quite got the blood pumping like running for your life! His dad often joked. He wasn’t wrong, most of the town was able to run a recent marathon better than expected for a reason. Still even with their firmly grasped remnants of youth he wasn’t about to squander what was left. Dad’s recent accident had made the dwindling time clear as glass.

"Mom," James whined out," I moved out four years ago!” he reminded her with a laugh as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a smothering hug,” I'm just finalizing my lab movement."

They were smiling but there was something off about it. If he hadn’t grown up watching them try to hide their fear or sadness because of experiments he wouldn’t have been able to read it. Underlying his theory there was a twinge of uncertainty. While his Autism Diagnosis a few years ago had largely altered nothing in his life he found himself less and less certain about his abilities to read people because of it. He’d always been an awkward kid but he’d assumed for the longest time that it was just the disparity between intelligence's. Yet those little handbooks and pamphlets he’d been handed made him uncertain. It’d helped in some ways to know concretely where his differences lay, yet naming it alone added a veneer of difference. He was not like others.

Especially those diagrams of facial expressions. You couldn’t really quantify human emotion like that, and believe him he’d tried, he’d done his best to figure out the exact chemical balances that correlated to happiness, sadness, anger, all of them, but time and time again the results were meddling at best. Even his old invention designed to scan and read expressions had truly backfired.

"And I'm not a kid anymore,” he pouted at his mother, he was a grown man thank you very much! He didn't see Teen or child him going out and paying taxes or arranging their own therapy sessions now did he? ” I'm 27 and-"

His father put an arm around his shoulder effectively silencing him," we know Jimbo but you'll always be our little boy!"

James smiled leaning ever so slightly into his father's embrace. Embarrassing as he was, he wasn’t exactly about to turn down a patented Hugh Neutron hug, even a half sideways one. Something about the warmth and softness of his sweater vests and the steadiness of his arms was comforting in a way so few things were.

"Well I'm not gonna be far,” he reassured the last thing any of them needed was for one of them to cry, because then they’d all be crying. As soon as Dad’s big eyes spilled it was over for all of them,” our new apartment is only 40 minutes out and the new lab 45 I'll text you the location I swear."

Mother smiled a weak trembling thing held with emotions he could hardly read, half translated and murky with multiple meanings," I know honey and we're both very happy for you both, it's a big deal that you're both living together now but it just won't be the same." She brushed a strand of hair from his eyes, he’d forgone the gel today, even with most of the work done his hair usually fell out of it by the end of it. “We won’t be able to check up on you to make sure you’re sleeping and eating right anymore.”

“You also won’t have anymore explosions shaking the foundation of the house,” he offered in a half joke,” just think of how much better the insurance will be without needing to worry about it cracking?”

She laughed,” I’d be fine with the price sweetheart.”

"And of course, we'll miss Goddard!" His father exclaimed, bending down and petting the aforementioned dog. He had some slight rust in his joints, James was due to replace them soon, and his code was a little messy having originally written it when he was still in elementary school but he still glowed bright and jumped as eager as ever. There was nary of creak in his body.

A smile cracked on James' face at the mention," I actually got you guys something!" He rummaged through his satchel

"Awh Jimmy!" his mom’s voice cracked.

"Now, son,” the raw sound was in his fathers tone as well,” housewarming gifts normally go the other way around."

"I know,” His friends made sure to remind him of that fact when he’d made them but it wasn’t like that. “Think of this as a 'thanks for putting up with me putting you guys in mortal peril for so long' gift."

He pulled out a space compressor box, the newest and most stable. Man the explosion from the first one had really been a wake up call, he’d since made sure to tighten the math and double check for dangerous variables. He fiddled with the buttons until the gifts popped out. Gasps came from his parents.

"They have some of Goddard's tamer features,” he started looking away from the pair scratching the side of his face,” None of the really experimental ones, so they won’t burn the carpet or anything,” he reassured eyes catching a particularly bad mark near the stairs,” but if either of you ever gets in trouble they can defend you in a pinch."

"Oh, Jimmy!" His mother exclaimed tears welling up in her eyes. She picked up the one that was clearly hers, a small compact Cat bot. In the years since designing Goddard he’d ironed out how to curve metal more consistently. Goddard, like most old dogs, was resistant to change. Further than that, resistant to an entire overhaul of his design, but the test pieces couldn’t just go to waste. So the usable ones, the ones not weakened by too much soldering, went towards this project.

Dad’s bot was of course a Duck, though he did have a few extra, secret features that were a surprise.

"I haven't named them," he said, rubbing the back of his neck as their gazes pierced him again. God how had he ever thought he was neurotypical? He kind of laughed at the idea now, it was lucky that he ,Carl, and Sheen had found each other at such young ages. Their connection at being outcasts made more and more sense the more they learned with age. "I thought you'd both want to do that-" He inhaled sharply as they collected him in a hug. The warmth of the cat's servos pressed into his gut. It was kind of nice.

“Thank you son,” His father murmured as his mother collected herself.

When they finally separated from their embrace he didn't comment on the wetness in either of their eyes, and they returned the same courtesy.

His father was quick to speak,a hand offered in assistance as always," Need any help with your equipment."

Flashes of his father trying to help him but inevitably causing some sort of mess played before his eyes. Not to mention the older man’s knee was still in repair. His glowing brace made that clear, not that the man would heed it any attention. There was a reason James had made certain that his brace wasn't going to leave until the projected date it was healed. Well meaning as the man was he wasn’t going to forget the way his father had crashed the Hover car anytime soon.

"Thanks, dad but Sheen and Carl already helped me with the really heavy stuff a few weeks ago. Goddard and I should be able to handle this on our own. It's mostly collecting the last remnants of Vox's hard drive and a few odd projects.” Specifically some of his oldest ones that had been pushed the furthest into corners of his lab,” Besides Cindy should be here soon, she gets off work in a bit."

His mother placed a kiss on his forehead she had to lean up and James crouched down to help but the sentiment was there regardless.

"Just call us if you need anything."

"I will mom!" He shouted back as he headed to the old lab.

The house hadn't changed much since his youth.

The pictures of the family were updated and the wallpaper replaced (it desperately needed it after that chemical accident), but most of the original furniture was still there. It was honestly jarring for James. The change was good, he knew that, his parents knew that, hell even his therapist knew that but it was still hard to deal with. Something in his brain was just hardwired to detest change. Kind of like Goddard if he thought about it. Even the best of coders put a bit of themselves into their projects.

He sighed," you ready to get the last of it all Goddard?" He asked, hair hesitantly held just out of range of the scanner.

The canine barked his tail wiring as he wiggled excitedly. Even ran in a little circle, his high energy even now infectious. James smiled at it, if there was at least one thing consistent in his life it was Goddard.

"Then let's take a trip down memory lane," he said, scanning his hair for the last time.

Jimmy Neutron 2020

Stepping through the pink and purple light was once again a jarring swirling mess. His vision swam and stars flew past his eyes but after a vigorous head shake it was cleared. If he ever wanted to travel through time again he’d have to find a better way.

Best to get started as soon as possible

"Alright, Vo- He stumbled looking around in shock.

The Lab was very empty.

Exceedingly so, it looked like back when it was just a basement, well bigger than before but just as barren. The lack of projects in the room made his voice echo around bouncing on the concrete. Had he been robbed? There was nothing there, nothing! Just a few boxes pushed far in the corner with a mess of wires spilling out. His remnants of the Chrono-arch were gone, the cloning machine... well that one was probably good. His hover car, rocket, alien space car. Everything. All of those memories were gone! Burn marks from inventions and stains from spills were covered by other less familiar scorches and discolourations. There was nothing left of what was once his lab.

His giant costume fit computer screen for Vox was missing! Everything was gone! All that was really left were a few... well he was pretty sure they were computers but they looked nothing like the bulky ones he retrofitted at home. Computers back at home were much thicker, the monitors taking up large swaths of space and the clunky towers that housed everything important were so big head to get help to move them. Instead the one he was looking at was nothing like that. It was sleeker, thinner, with nicer screens and a cleaner color palette. Not to mention he couldn't see where the hardware as a whole was being stored; there was no tower for it.

Huh, he might have to consider making his own computers thin like these.The keys on the keyboard were much sleeker too. Each of them shallower than the mismatched ones on his custom keyboard, each of them rounded into a smooth flat shape. Carefully he picked it up. To his surprise, the screen came up with a keyboard. Once it was lifted he could hear the hum of the electronics and the gentle whir of his fan. All of the hardware was internal, and much more compact than he thought feasible. Genius it really allowed for a more compact and portable design.

"Vox?" He asked the device. Perhaps his future self had set her code into this form. It would be more convenient to have a more portable Vox. Maybe when he returned it be good to set on a cleaner smoother design like this.

Something whirred to life behind him. There were some bigger monitors that he’d missed somehow. When off they blended cleanly with the wall, now one he could see that they had no discernible edges. Still they were smaller than the one at home. Furthermore they looked much more temporary, like they were set to be removed.

"Analyzing voice pattern. Please state name and age."

"Jimmy Neutron age 12 and a half."

More noise went off as the system compared notes.

"Partial match to James Issac Newton Age 12 from the year 2005. Confirm please?"

Jimmy wasn't too sure what to say to that," uh?"

"Analysing," Vox's smooth voice reverbed," analyzation inconclusive. Intruder, Intruder, Intruder."

The entire lab was screaming with Vox's synthesized voice.

"AUgh ah!" Jimmy cowered, covering his ears," No no no no, Vox it's me! it's Jimmy!"

He motioned his hands up and down trying to get it to register that it was too loud. He’d programmed her to understand his body language, it could read certain gestures but it wasn’t working instead she continued on. Its voice echoing in the near-empty lab.

James Neutron 2020

He was halfway down the stairs to his lab, when Vox started to go off. Loud and screaming, maybe his next alert system should be a bit less shrill.

"That can't be good!" he exclaimed, glancing at Goddard before hurrying down the stairs. It wasn’t like Vox to go off at nothing, which meant something was really wrong. Vox only went off for really bad cases. After some really bad break ins he had to change the protocols. Still he could hope it was just one of his friends messing around in the lab accidentally setting off something they shouldn't

Something told him that wasn't the case.

"Goddard warm-up your stun ray, we don't know who's in there."

At the foot of the stairs was his hand scanner still clearly dormant. It shouldn’t be dormant like that. Especially if it was Just Carl or Sheen goofing off in there. Shoulders tense and raised he put his hand on the scanner causing it to light up. His scanner would stay on for an hour after use. And after that the Light above the door would glow until whoever entered left. Neither were alight right then. He usually used it to alert either him or Cindy to the other being in there. Meaning that someone had gotten in either long ago and stayed past someone else leaving, or without having to go through his precautions.

Unsheathing his own stun gun from his pants he opened the door to the lab and crept in.

His eyes bounced around frantically searching for the intruder. His mind instantly went to all his different foes from when he was younger. He'd defeated them. They all had. But there was still that lingering thread of fear. Even with all of his moves for redemption he was still wary of his clone. It’d have been an awfully long time for him to have waited to turn but it wouldn't be the first time that his doppelganger had tried to trick him. Or the second, or the third, or the fourth.

Okay so he might be a little gullible.

Then there were the others. If his clone could escape his own dark matter dimension hell then the others could escape the prison. Maybe he should have let them all stay in the past but that wasn't safe. It was never going to be stable to allow them to linger in the cretaceous period and the BTSO had promised that their containment was the most secure in the country. If even one of them had gotten out again... The threats alone some of them made, some of the actions they’d followed through on. It made him jumpy sometimes, gave him nightmares. His therapist said it was trauma. Lingering on the past wasn’t going to get him anywhere, he allowed his blaster to make a threatening high pitched whine as he moved it side to side. The sound didn't do anything but people found it more threatening when a malfunction had led to it so he wasn’t going to disable it.

Finally, his gaze lowered a bit and he was met with-

"You! You're!" the high pitched stunned voice of his own past self stammered. The boy looked shell shocked and nervous to be anything but the real deal. Even little Eddie with his intelligence hadn’t quite hammered down cloning. No his specialty was still firmly in the realm of weapons. Though his therapy was helping him unpack some of his anger. Seemed tempers ran in the family a bit.

"Intruder, intruder, intruder! engaging Attack mode in 5. 4-"

"Vox disengage."

"Affirmative James Neutron. Attack mode Disengaged.

“Goddard you too boy,” he added on at the remaining weapons all clicked back into place and powered down.

With a whir and bark, he powered down his stun gun before turning to Jimmy cocking his head to the side. His younger self looked up at him, his hand rubbing the back of his neck," Uh hi..." he waved, lifting his free hand up slowly.

“Vox confirm voice sample as Jimmy Neutron circa 2004 to 2006.”

“Affirmative,” her voice echoed. The room filled with a recording dated from moments before, “Jimmy Neutron,” his own younger voice repeated from the speakers. “Conclusive, voice belongs to Jimmy Neutron from 2005. This is improbable, Prime weapons sir?”

"No, continue to disengage. Thank you Vox."

"You're welcome sir."

Well that settled it, it was in fact him and not some trick, even his clones had different voices that Vox didn't really quite read the same. James examined him looking for injuries or some sort of explanation on his person for his arrival. He was still wearing the big baggy t-shirts James saw. He also hadn't reached his growth spurt yet either. Hair was still styled to be half his height. He looked like he was about ten or eleven. Which made sense, that was about when he had developed the Chrono-Arch. He didn't remember this visit as a kid though, despite even his best attempts. He desperately racked his brain but it was foggy and indistinct almost as if something was keeping the memory from him. There had to be some reason for his past self’s visit. He must have just forgotten it in the mess of everything that had happened since then. He could hardly be blamed if he did forget, there was a lot that happened to him during his school career.

"What's this?" the younger him asked, pointing to the table.

James looked," That? oh, that's my laptop. I guess those weren't really common when I was young huh..."

He racked his brain for the technology that was available as a kid. Much of it was deeply disappointing, part of why he went into invention so young.

Recognition flitted on Jimmy's face," A laptop? but the ones commercially available are so bulky! Not to mention expensive!"

"Yeah, well," James said," innovation does that."

Jimmy nodded in understanding. He was accepting this all fairly well," where is everything?"

"Well, I'm moving out."

"Why?"

"It's just time."

Jimmy nodded, seeming to take that information in as he reexamined the now empty lab in a new light. What he’d give to remember this, it’d be nice to have insight into what was rattling in the boy's head.

“What about all of that?” Jimmy asked, pointing to a pile of his oldest intentions, at the top was one of his later models of the hypo-ray.

“Less refined inventions,” he supplied,” I didn’t need it right away so I was storing it here till now.”

“Oh.”

A beat of silence filled the room as neither James nor Jimmy spoke up.

"So, Jimmy," he said, eventually chewing out the syllables. "What brings you to my time? Any disaster that you need advice on or something?" He didn't know what to do with his hands. He never did but there was something about seeing himself, as a kid at his most insecure that made him doubly unsure. Little him was still hardly taller than his elbows.God had he really been so small? He remembered hitting his growth spurt late and being the shortest of the group but this was extreme.

"No, I'm just here to, uh, double-check the timeline, I have to ensure that it wasn't ruined by the tampering." he smiled, but there was something off about it. He must be rattled from the time travel if he remembered correctly traveling to the bad timeline had been jarring to the senses. The portal wasn't really designed for comfort like some of his other inventions. It was strictly utilitarian,a lot of his inventions back then were.

"Well," he said, racking his brain to remember all of the important beats," Libby is not in power enslaving Retroville to do her bidding and listen to all her music. So that’s good. In fact, people listen to her music willing. She's a pretty good singer. Somewhat popular in niche communities.”

"Really?" Jimmy asked,”She'll be glad to know that, she's still a little mad at Carl, Sheen, and me for the whole party thing."

Probably for the best if he didn't mention the fact that she’d be upset about that for a while. Looking back on it he really couldn't blame her for her reaction. Almost all of her gifts had been destroyed.

James chuckled," yeah she still brings up time to time when we all get together."

Just last week at their semi-regular game night she’d used it to make Sheen give her the upper hand in game. A dirty tactic but she was right, all was fair in love and war and unfortunately for Sheen and everyone else she was going to use Sheen’s big heart against them to win.

"Oh, we're still friends with her?" Jimmy asked, seeming genuinely caught off guard.

"Well yeah," James said," why wouldn't we?"

As mad as Libby had gotten about the gift thing it wasn’t like the group of them hadn’t gone through worse together. Even if she would’ve stopped talking to them for awhile she would have come back for whatever the next adventure was. They were all just to invested in that back then.

Jimmy shuffled his feet," Libby and Cindy just always seem so annoyed with me, I just kind of assumed they stuck around because Libby was seeing Sheen."

James nodded, memories of those feelings were starting to filter back in. Time however had softened their edges and left it blurred like looking through fogged glass," No we're all still friends, Me, Carl, Sheen, Libby, and Cindy. In fact Ci-"

"Are Carl and Sheen still doing what they're supposed to?" Jimmy interrupted, almost too eagerly.

James looked at him. It was weird of him to cut James off. Sure He used to be really bad about letting people finish a sentence but Jimmy had cut him off like there was something he didn't want to hear yet," uh I guess, it's been a while so I don't remember the predictions fully but Carl is breeding Llamas, and Sheen is a successful male model. He also stars in Libby's music videos sometimes. Reasonably she refuses to let him sing."

Jimmy nodded," Makes sense, his singing is so bad that the school chorus rejected someone for the first time in fifty years."

"Well he hasn't improved with time I'll tell you that." James smiled as he remembered the last time Sheen had tried," He just croaks out the most out of tune lyrics and we all have to put in earplugs till he tires out."

Jimmy chucked. The smile didn't stay long, however," and me- you?"

That might be it. Why the other him was so nervous? Now that he thought about it the alternate future for him was simply to be a normal dude. "Well I'm moving to the city, just received a couple of Nobel prizes with my team," Jimmy's smile returned in full. He was proud of himself too, he and his experiment partners had worked really hard on that. Having the group push him to accept the award was really warming. Though they all should've gotten to go up there too.

"I knew it!" Jimmy exclaimed jumping up excitedly," my genius was finally recognized by the scientific community, now she'll have to recognize I'm smarter, because that contract didn't mean anything to her! She sti-"

"Wow," James laughed, he’d forgotten that he used to be like this," Cind was right, I really did have a pride issue." He’d have to apologize to her later for doubting her claims. Chalk his disbelief up to pride if you will.

"Cind? Do you mean Cindy? Vortex?" the bashful look returned to his face as he looked down and shuffled his feet," You and her aren't, she and I? I mean you aren't?"

James furrowed his brow examining his younger self. "Aren't?" It’d be so much easier if the younger boy would just spit it out. He couldn’t understand what he was getting at.

"Well you know," he ducked his head," mar-"

The sliding door opened," James," a voice called out softly, speak of the devil," you almost done? we have to get home- is that?"

"Cindy?!" Jimmy called out, looking panicked.

Cindy gave James an exasperated look," what did you do Neutron?" she asked almost fondly," did you test another time machine? After what happened last time?"

James sputtered," me? I didn't do anything. It was him! And in my defense it was partially Eddie’s fault!" Really his cousin's penchant for violence and fondness for weapons wasn’t his fault.

Cindy gave him a look," I thought you were supposed to be a genius?

“Hey!” Both of the Neutron’s present and past called out, though James' younger version sounded much more indignant.

“ He is you!"

James quickly quipped back in return. “Well sorry for the inconvenience madam I guess you were right and the density of my enormous skull has finally caved in.” This was their element of comfortable bickering back and forth. Trading light insults and criticisms in one breath and then calm and soft words in the next.

She snorted at him,” I’m always right, you nerd.”

“Well of cour-”

"How did you get in here!" Jimmy called out, interrupting their banter," I erased your memory of how to get into my lab!"

Cindy gave him an incredulous look. " you mean to tell me that you wouldn't tell your girlfriend how to get into your lab?"

Jimmy gagged," Girlfriend?"

Cindy turned to James," thanks I'm really feeling the love."

"I'm not the one saying anything," he gestured wildly.

Cindy pinched the bridge of her nose," need I repeat myself again. He is you."

"I don't even remember this happening?”

Cindy stepped forward and moved his head around. She ignored his younger self's protests to their interactions, moving right past the little Neutron to James,“What are you doing?” James finally asked with a laugh as she held open one of his eyes and peered into it. Not that he’d complain her eyes were a pretty shade of green, but his own were now drying in the crisp lab air.

“Checking for brain damage obviously,” she returned,” clearly if you can't remember you spent one to many nights down here soldering without proper ventilation.”

“That was one time!” She gave him a look,” okay but it only happened for a month!”

‘Stop!” Jimmy squeaked out,” this is weird.”

“Newsflash kid this whole situation is weird,” Cindy said, James noted, however, as she said that she stepped back. “You sure this isn’t one of their shenanigans?”

He nodded,” I don’t remember this but Vox ran an analysis and confirmed. I think it didn't work the first time though because the weapons were engaged.”

Cindy looked up at their storage seems and said,” Yeah I can see that Number three is stuck again,” she pointed up to the one crammed blaster that was half shut in the mechanism. He swore under his breath that it would be so finicky to repair later. He reached up and pushed it into the ceiling hole. The metal squeaked shut.

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” she pushed with a laugh.

“Eh,” he gestured vaguely his own smile cracking through.

Cindy laughed,” shut up.”

“This is bad,” his younger counterpart muttered, drawing them back to him.

“Huh?”

“This is really bad,” the boy repeated,” really really bad I didn’t fix the timeline at all!”

“Fix the-?” Cindy gave him a look.”What did you do?”

“I think this is still about the evil Libby timeline.”

“Oh that would make sense,” She nodded. “But then why would you not remember anything?”

James tapped his chin with his knuckle as he thought muttering under his breath, “I don’t know.”

“Personally I’m still voting on brain damage,” Cindy offered with a smile,” But knowing you it’s probably also an experiment gone wrong.”

Hypno-ray still tucked in the corner caught his eye," That’s it! Of course. You're a genius Cind!"

“What?” his younger self asked.

“It is?” Cindy pressed.”

He hit his own head," that's why I don't remember, older me, or me now erased my memory of this event happening!"

Cindy nodded a mildly impressed look in her eye,” Gotta Say Neutron that smoothly removes worries of ruined timelines.”

“It does doesn’t it,” he preened feeling distinctly proud of himself.

"No!" Jimmy exclaimed panicked," I have to fix the timeline!"

“Fix?” He and Cindy both asked.

“This!” Jimmy gestured to the two of them,”Whatever is going one between you two!”

He tilted his head, really taking in his younger panicked self. "There's nothing to fix, I'm happy."

The responding scoff surprised James," well I'm not! I don't even like Cindy!"

Cindy rolled her eyes,"Sure, tell me one thing though,” Jimmy looked up at her defensively,” has the island incident happened yet?"

His blush told them all they needed to know.

"See you do like her," James smiled gently gazing at Cindy.

"N-no,” his younger self floundered eyes darting around desperately for an answer he wasn’t going to find,” I don't- I- that's just a residual effect of love potion 976/J!" he was clenching his fists now as if he were going to fight them. Wouldn’t be the first time he'd gone for the violence route. Maybe he should also Hypno-ray himself into therapy.

Cindy turned to James with a shrug," I'm not dealing with the exhaustion that comes from dealing with an eleven-year-old you, I'll just take some stuff to the hovercar and meet me when you're done."

“I’m twelve and a half!” Jimmy exclaimed indignantly.

James nodded. "We'll talk later I promise," gently grabbed her hand. She smiled nodding, and with a kiss on the cheek, she left the lab.

Jimmy Neutron 2020

This future was not what he’d expected. It was not what he had wanted. Adult him was tall and weird. His hair was long enough to reach past his shoulders and was pooled into a low ponytail save a few stray strands. He held himself with more confidence than the bad timeline, that future possibility of him was hunched, his shoulders turned as inward as possible. But he wasn’t the same as before either. There was something less rigid in his shoulders, he just appeared to be expressed in a different tone than before. Even clothes were also more casual. Then there was Cindy. She looked physically similar to the adult Cindy of the bad timeline but now her hair was in a messy bun and her clothes were much more casual. Her face was even devoid of the blue eye shadow and glittery lip gloss that his, that current Cindy wore. Not that he actively payed attention to that sort of thing, their relationship was strictly professional after all. Sometimes the glitter just caught the lights of the lab. As soon as Cindy left he fell into an awkward seating position on the concrete. It was cold down there. Older him, James, was stupid after all.

"So here's the thing,” James sat next to him on the cold concrete. The Hypnosis-ray was held in his hand but powered off. His voice was soft, much softer than Jimmy had ever managed to get it. He sounded like mom did when she comforted him after something went wrong,” the love potion didn't really work like how we thought."

"What?" There wasn’t anyway, he’d run all of the tests, he had perfectly emulated the pheromones and chemicals related to love. He knew what he was doing gosh dang-it!

James chuckled," you can't make people fall in love. It was, an infatuation potion. All it did was mimic a lot of the physiological responses that come with attraction, eventually, it wears off," there was something in his tone, like how Jimmy sounded when his experiments went wrong. The disappointment at another failure.

His brain twisted at the words. He’d been so certain. The math alone had shown it, had he really been so wrong? "But Carl still likes mom!" he grasped onto finally, if anything didn’t prove the potion then maybe that would. He couldn't be wrong. Not again. What kind of genius was wrong as often as he was right?

James winced," yeah that one was embarrassing,” that was putting it lightly,” he eventually got over it though. He's even seeing someone now."

"Really Carl got a girlfriend?" Not a lot of girls in the class really liked Carl that way. At least that he was aware of.

James shook his head,” Nah you’ll forget this anyways but he’s got a boyfriend now, after high school, he realized he was bisexual."

"Oh..." he paused, unsure what to do with this information.

They were quiet again for a while, the both of them looking around the lab examining what was left, and the stains left on the floor from what was taken. It was empty and hollow in the glorified basement. He didn’t think he could ever leave his Lab.

"Er, how long..." He finally spoke up.

His older self jolted, "What?"

"Till the love potion wears off?"

"A week, if that.” he shrugged,” it was hard to tell really since each of us already had feelings for each person the potion worked on. The potion just made it harder to ignore.”

So he couldn’t even master chemical reactions in the human body. That was deeply disappointing, then maybe his disaster with the perfect candy should have clued him into that fact.

“W-when did you-” he took in a breath,” we start liking her?”

There was a pause as James thought,” Do you remember the first Yolkian attack?"

Jimmy nodded slowly, apprehensively. He remembered that event in perfect clarity. Everyone was so disappointed in him when they learned about his hand in it. All of it was his fault.

"Well, that was the start of it. If I'm honest,” a gentle smile crossed his face. It seemed to soften the features of his face into something rounder than before,” when she came to comfort me and over time that grew."

Despite himself he was thinking of that moment. Dark and cold in that prison, the metal and alien concrete much much colder than that of home. His tears rolling down his face while all his friends, classmates, everyone blamed him. Yelled at him for effectively signing their parents death warrants. Regardless of their feud though it was Cindy who came to him. Who comforted him. Propped him back up. As soon it was all over though they went back to normal. She hated him again. It didn't make sense.

"But I hate her!" Jimmy insisted but he knew didn't sound as sure as he had before. Cindy was mean, she made fun of him all the time, and she didn’t take his experiments as seriously. She was the one person that was the hardest to impress, no matter how hard he worked she always found some flaw. Some details that he could improve on. Regrettably she was always right. It was always something that made the invention better (when she wasn’t suggesting he paint it pink or put her name on it that is).

Worst of all he trusted her judgement, she was always right when she pointed out a danger, or flaw. She’d never really steered him wrong since they’d become friends.

James shrugged," it sometimes felt like that, but that's just cause I'm bad at handling my emotions. Trust me this stuff gets a lot clearer with a therapist and when you're no longer constantly in denial about hating your own body."

"I-I don-"

"I'm gonna stop you there little-me.” There was a sigh as his older self sunk into himself. Bizarrely he found himself recognizing it at the way he sighed when he had to admit something he didn’t want to. ”Okay, so, we were jealous of Cindy.”

“That’s ridiculous! I-I’m not jealous of Cindy of all people! She’s- she’s a girl,” he stressed the unspoken clear, he wasn’t. He wasn’t a girl.

James winced muttering something indistinct below his breath,” Not because she was a girl but because she found comfort in it like we couldn't. It-” he faltered, almost pained like the words were hurting him to admit,” It’s wrong but I was jealous that she could have had what we wanted but made the choice to honor that wasn’t her. It felt like a slap in the face even though we were just doing the best we could do. Both me and her. But eventually, I stopped being jealous of her for that. I grew up, because they were my emotions to deal with not hers. My hurt. And there were other things I didn't like, sure. The fact that she always told me I was wrong. Even though I definitely needed the ego check. And she constantly made fun of me for my height and head. But once she learned how uncomfortable it made me and why she stopped. Not to mention, we were just as bad you have to admit. We gave as good as we got."

"Cindy wouldn't- she's mean and bullies me all the time! That wouldn't be the line for her!"

A deep pained sigh racked through James' body," of course she stopped. You know why she wouldn't cross that line.”

"So you never erased it from her mind?"

James shook his head," I thought about it even ages after the body swapping thing, I always feared she'd bring it back up. But she didn't. And eventually I told Carl and Sheen. The whole class ended up learning eventually," he winced at something," but everyone was fine with it. Even Butch knew not to touch that with a ten-foot pole…” he snickered,” Cindy and Nikki would have murdered him."

"Okay," he said eventually, slowly he didn't believe the words James was saying. How could he? none of this made sense. It felt like these were things that happened to someone else. Not to mention he had no clue who the hell this Nikki was.

"How did you stop being jealous?'

James blinked, something about that question was clearly tripping him up," I don't really know I can't exactly remember. I just woke up one day and it was easier, eventually I did the rest an- oh."

"Oh?"

A wry chuckle echoed in the lab, "I'm pretty sure I just Hypno-rayed some of my jealousy away when I-you- augh whichever. When I was Hypno-rayed to forget this I think I also did a two for one and got rid of the biggest parts of my jealousy."

Jimmy looked down," so I really don't get a say in this? I don't get a chance to change it?"

James sighed," do you really want to? Wouldn't this information affect how you act around her? Your friendship? Do you want to lose that?"

Jimmy Neutron 2005

"Hey, Jimmy!" Carl was at the entrance of the lab waving at the camera," they just got a new baby llama at the petting zoo!"

Jimmy blinked, clearing his eyes, he was hunched over a project in the corner. Was it really that late already? He asked himself, looking at the clock. He didn't really remember a good chunk of the day. "I guess time flies when you're inventing," he muttered. There was some dried spit on the side of his mouth, he whipped it and tilted his head to his computer, "Vox let Carl in."

Carl screamed as he fell down to the chute into the lab," Jeez Jimmy can't you have an elevator, I feel like my scapula is gonna pop!"

"You were saying about the llamas?" he asked dully his brain still struggling to focus on the missing hours of the day.

"Oh!" Carl was smiling wide now," yeah they got a new one, it's small and spotted-"

Jimmy had already turned to his worktable the words of his friend being tuned out. His brain was just so unfocused, and he’d heard this llama rant before.

"That's nice Carl," he said in the spot he did last time they had this conversation. It'd been a long week since the Zoo had welcomed their newest llama

"And Sheen is going with Libby and Libby is dragging Cindy over-"

"Uh-huh - wait Cindy's going to be there?" Jimmy asked, trying to sound like he wasn't interested.

"Yeah," Carl dismissively waved his hand," and the baby llama has a Cat friend that was abandoned in the llama pin. And the llama mother took the kitten in to now they're friends," Carl's voice was pitched high and soft like it always did when he talked about llamas.

But Jimmy wasn't thinking about the llamas.

"Well I guess, I do need a break from inventing..." he slowly admitted.

"Yay!" Carl did a tiny hop," Come on let's go everyone is meeting up at the Candy Bar!"

"Okay," he said with a smile as he removed his goggles and gloves.

James Neutron 2020

"Did it all work out okay?" Cindy asked her boyfriend. A smirk on her face

"Yeah," James said with a returned smile,”you enjoyed that all entirely too much.”

“I was just teasing him,” she grinned,” you used to be so uptight.”

He rolled his eyes, putting down the heavy box holding the last of his things from the lab in the back of the hover-car. He gently kissed her on her cheek. "Sorry about all of that."

Cindy giggled," so I take it since the world isn't warping around us that you erased his memory?"

"You already know the answer to that Vortex."

She smiled," Yeah but what was it he was saying? That he doesn't like young me?" She batted her eyes dramatically. “How ever will I recover from this.”

James crawled into the seat next to her," Oh can it, you know I was a mess then, besides you weren't any better!"

She blushed," that's not the point Nerdtron."

"Oh it's not?" he asked with a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned forward his lips a breath away from her ear," cause I remember a certain someone wanting to abandon her life and live on a deserted island with me forever? Someone blonde and very pretty?"

"You promised to never bring that up again!" she squeaked out her ears lighting up just as red.

James laughed punching in the codes to his hover-car," you're the one that brought it up first."

"Did not!" She shrieked back with an embarrassed chuckle.

"Did too in the lab!"

As Cindy sputtered and argued back with fire in her eyes and a broad smile on her face James felt content. It took them a long time to get where they were. Yet in the end, it was worth it. he leaned in and kissed her gently effectively shutting her up while he started take off.

"What was that for?" she asked as they started home.

"Nothing," he shrugged," I just love you."

#Jimmy Neutron #Cindy Vortex #Jimmy/Cindy #Jimmy Neutron/ Cindy Vortex #JimmyxCindy #Jimmy Nuetronx Cindy Vortex #trans! Jimmy Neutron #Autistic!Jimmy Neutron #Bisexual Carl wheezer #i have head cannons i wanna share #this fandom may be dead but im not #im gonna just share this and hope the like three other people who are in the fandom rn read it #this is for you babes #i could tag this more with more info but im big lazy #hope you enjoy #My Writing #uwu sorry to the people who read the orriginal i just didnt like it lol.#itsbroadly the same i just expanded on it #an extended cut if you will lol. it was just too short for me

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star-nova · 5 years ago

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It’s been a long time since I’ve used the blogs for this purpose. I know most of you are used to seeing my happy smiling Disney character outfits, my cosplay pictures, some dance routines, occasionally a picture of a flower or something that I took because I thought it looked nice. Those of you who come here primarily for the Disney content may be a little shocked to discover this side of me. Those of you who have known me for the entire time I have been on Tumblr (seven years, dios mio) probably understand that I have always had it. Maybe you thought I’d gotten rid of it. I don’t blame you for thinking that, because I thought it was gone too.

I have lost everything. Well, not everything; my guardians and my other soulbonds, of course, are still with me. In fact, our bond is stronger than ever now that I’ve lost literally everything and almost everyone else in my life. I spent six (six!) years working my ass off, first at junior college and then at my four year school, to earn a scientific degree in a field that there is now no longer an outlet for. I spent five (five!) years slowly, gradually...but successfully, for one fleeting moment...integrating myself into this world that you all call “real,” finally finding the harmonic balance between my two worlds. For one fleeting moment, I had finally proven to myself--to everyone who had ever doubted me, really--that I was capable of being a person. A real person, living in the real world, among other real people...the number one thing that I had always secretly longed to be for all of my life. These stupid, childish personas I would make up for myself--”superhero,” “soldier,” “dancer,” “artist,” etc etc etc--they were just my way of trying to say “real person” when I didn’t know how.

Well, as I said, it was only for a fleeting moment...

As much as I love to blame my state’s governor, even branded him in my own mind as my “arch-nemesis,” the single most hated blight upon what had once been my peaceful, happy, uplifted existence, I know that’s not really true. Only in my own mind is Governor Phil Murphy of New Jersey my arch-nemesis. You can’t have an arch-nemesis that doesn’t even know you exist, will never know you exist, will never care you exist. Nothing he did was to get back at me. He didn’t do what he did to my state--the only “real world” I’d ever known since I was born--because “Star Nova in Bumfuck, Ocean County, NJ doesn’t get to have a happy life, mwahahahaha.” I know that. In reality it’s got nothing to do with the governor or his orders.

In reality it’s because creatures like me are not meant to find happiness.

Not meant to be successful.

Not meant to be accepted among the human population of the “real” world.

Not meant to be human at all.

I said “creatures,” not “people.” I meant “creatures,” not “people.” I’m not people. I spent my entire life carrying that sneaking suspicion like a heavy weight upon my shoulders that I just couldn’t shake. Hell, when I was little, kids--with all the brutal honesty that kids are known for--would tell me outright. “I don’t think you’re really a kid. You’re something else, but you’re not a kid.” “Star, you can’t play with us. Human beings only.” “Please, don’t make me sit next to that THING.”

I was born into this world as something inhuman. That, or maybe I was born human and it got taken away from me somehow. I knew that, because all of my attempts to interact with human beings outside of fictional characters have ended up a dismal failure. Sometimes immediately, sometimes it took months. Sometimes it took years. Sometimes I got tricked into thinking it wouldn’t happen this time--I had finally found “my humans” and that meant I had won, that I was human too. All of the people who had ever called me “it,” “thing,” “monster,” “creature,” and “not a human being” were wrong, because here I was with “real,” tried and true flesh and blood human beings and I was one of them.

Until I wasn’t anymore.

Last year, 2019, was the best year of my life. 2019 was the year that I, after years of struggles and uncertainty, had finally found my place in the world, and was SURE I had found my place in the world. I had graduated college. I had found a real home, outside of the house where everything that had ever broken me had taken place. I had friends from both worlds, who accepted one-another. I had gotten my first job by chance, right out of school. I intermingled with the “real” world in full capacity for the first time, becoming part of the crowd just as much as any of the others there, along with my soulbonds. And being accepted as a part of that crowd, a human being among other human beings, all enjoying human life together. For the first time, I had finally accomplished something that I had only ever dreamed of: my two worlds were in perfect harmony with one-another, and I was right there in the middle, holding them together, belonging to both. In both I had family, friends, love, happiness. I had made achievements that I had been outright told I will never make. By the end of that year, I was driving a car. I was being contacted by research labs looking for new projects from aspiring researchers in the field, and I had two running projects going. And I had found somebody--from this world, the “real” world--who I felt as though I could rightly say I loved.

Of all the things I’m grateful that I DIDN’T lose when I lost everything else, he is at the very top of the list.

When the lockdowns happened, the real human beings were just fine. “Stay home,” they said, “stay safe.” But I couldn’t stay home. My home was out THERE, not in here. This was just where I worked in the morning and came in at night to sleep. My home had yellow tape and orange barricades. My home had locked-up doors, signs that said “Closed until further notice.” My home was “cancelled this year.” My home was completely devoid of all of the people that made it the way it was, the people who had all accepted us after years and years of fighting for their acceptance. They were real people, who were now in their own homes, with their real families who still loved them while they were home in lockdown. They had homes to be in lockdown in. To them, “home” was a cozy, safe place to watch Netflix, to play Animal Crossing: New Horizons, to run around with their pets and to play with their spouses and children, to go to sleep at night, to do it all again the next day. Home was a place to be “real” people, still loved and accepted by the “real” world, where they still had their life and their success and their love and their happiness.

They had theirs.

Mine was closed until further notice.

Mine was cancelled.

Because they were “real” people. From the “real” world.

But not me.

But for a fleeting moment--a year’s worth of a fleeting moment--I had done a really good job at tricking myself into thinking I was.

I’ll write more later. Tomorrow, maybe. I’m useless now--or rather, again. Useless again. “Useless” seems to be my natural state of things.” Like I said, I lost everything. But my psych said “you’ve got a story to tell, girl. So tell it.”

So I will. I’ll tell everything.

Even if it’s just as useless as I am.

#memoir #personal #my story

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sherrydramsey · 6 years ago

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My Top 5 Sci-fi Series Worlds http://bit.ly/2PRb0z7

Coming up May 15th-19th I’ll be participating in OWSCyCon, an online genre convention (all genres!), for readers, authors, and others in the publishing industry. I’ll be hanging around the science fiction, fantasy, and urban fantasy sections, and I have a lot going on that weekend, including a Facebook takeover event, a world-building showcase blog hop, a big giveaway, some Cover Wars brackets, and a Character Battle! Whew, it’s going to be busy and fun.

In the leadup to the convention, some of the Sci-Fi participants are posting “My Top 5” blog posts, and this is mine: My Top 5 Sci-Fi Series Worlds. I love world-building and talking about world-building, so this seemed like a natural fit for me. However, I’ve read books set in many great fictional worlds, so this took some thought! In the end I’m not sure these are truly my “top 5” or if they’re more like “5 of my top favourites plus one,” but I tried. ;) Read on to see what I decided…

Honourable Mention: Gateway (The Heechee Saga)

Books: Gateway, Beyond the Blue Event Horizon, Heechee Rendezvous, Annals of the Heechee, The Gateway Trip, The Boy Who Would Live Forever Author: Frederik Pohl Why it’s great: fabulous worldbuilding and intriguing aliens

It’s a long, long time since I read Frederik Pohl’s classic series, but the books, the world, and the characters have stayed with me in a way that many don’t. If I recall correctly, I first read Gateway during the university science fiction English course that had a big influence on my life. I think perhaps it made such an impression because it was one of my first introductions to a really believable alien encounter scenario. In Gateway, humans can take chances on piloting mysterious artifact spaceships without knowing where they will take them, and I realize there are echoes of this idea in both the wormhole-spelunking explorers and the types of aliens I try to write in my own Nearspace series–echoes that persisted in my brain for long years after I read the books. If you love a beautifully-realized future with intriguing characters and aliens and a relentless plot, you should give Gateway a try. It’s a classic, but it holds up pretty well.

#5 Mindspace (Mindspace Investigations Series)

Books: Clean, Payoff, Sharp, Marked, Vacant, Fluid, Temper Author: Alex Hughes Why it’s great: believable future worldbuilding and a perfect main character to guide you through the world

The “world” of the Mindspace Investigations series is our world, but in a future where telepathy is real, Tech Wars have torn the world apart, and telepath/drug addict Adam finds himself pulled and pushed in many directions as he tries to get his life back. I love this series in large part because this world is so well-imagined–I mean, what would humans do if some of us had telepathic powers? How would we react? And how would we function in a world where technology had been forced to fall back from its current prevalent position? It’s all very believably drawn and imagined, and there are so many storytelling possibilities inherent in the world itself! Of course, I’m also a sucker for books that mash up genres like science fiction and mystery, so it’s not surprising I’m sold on this series. If you like that kind of mashup set in a realistic sci-fi near-future, these books are for you.

#4 Rimway (Alex Benedict Series)

Books: A Talent for War, Polaris, Seeker, The Devil’s Eye, Echo, Firebird, Coming Home Author: Jack McDevitt Why it’s great: far-flung future worlds paired with intriguing deep space mysteries

While Mindspace takes place in our near future, the world of Rimway is far, far off–thousands of years in the future, in fact. Humanity has expanded across many planets and the far reaches of space, artificial intelligence is actually intelligent, and–finally–flying cars! ;) However, against the backdrop of this highly detailed and beautifully imagined future world, humans are still very much the same, which adds so much to the overall verisimilitude of the books. Despite our progress, there are still explorations to be made and mysteries to be solved, so these books offer just what I love in great science fiction.

#3 The Galactic Empire (Janitors of the Post-Apocalypse Series)

Books: Terminal Alliance, Terminal Uprising Author: Jim C. Hines Why it’s great: the twist of a future where humans are not on top, and the wonderfully imagined alien races

And now for something completely different…janitors in space! In the Galactic Empire of Jim C. Hines’ post-apocalyptic series, humans have been relegated to cleaning the toilets and tidying up after all the other sentient races who’ve fared better than we have through the march of history. I’ve been a fan of Jim’s for a long time and even had the pleasure of belonging to an online writer’s group with him long, long ago. However, it’s the exquisite combination of humour and world-building that really make this “world” a standout for me. I know, I know, there are only two books in the series yet! But that doesn’t stop it from being a definite recommendation from me if you love the lighter side of science fiction.

#2 Alternate History Earth (Oxford Time Travel Series)

Books: Fire Watch, Doomsday Book, To Say Nothing of the Dog, Blackout, All Clear Author: Connie Willis Why it’s great: the unusual occurrence of time travel that actually works!

It’s a little difficult to actually name the “world” where these books take place, since it’s our world in an alternate timeline where time travel is actually possible. However, I have to include it on this list because in the Oxford Time Travel series, Connie Willis actually makes time travel work. This is no small feat and although it’s been attempted a zillion times, writers are rarely able to pull it off without issues. You may not agree with me that this constitutes a “world” but to me it does; and in addition, Willis deftly navigates multiple times and historical events to bring them to life for the reader, while still tying them all together with the timeline and experiences of the main characters from the “present.” I think this series is a magnificent example of world-building, and if you’re skeptical that time travel can really be done well, I suggest you give it a try. You can read almost any of them as a standalone book, although you should read Blackout before reading All Clear, since they’re really one book that was published in two volumes. To Say Nothing of the Dog is one of the few books I re-read on a regular basis.

#1 The Expanse (The Expanse Series)

Books: Leviathan Wakes, Caliban’s War, Abaddon’s Gate, Cibola Burn, Nemesis Games, Babylon’s Ashes, Persepolis Rising, Tiamat’s Wrath Author: James S.A. Corey Why it’s great: the pure breadth of imagination in the world and civilization building

For sheer scale and imagination, I have to give the number one spot on this list to The Expanse. As I wrote in my original review of this first book on Goodreads, I fell in love with it because it had “grand-scale space opera, fascinating characters, tons of complexity and some great sense-of-wonder stuff.” The first book in the series is one of my favourites ever, in part because the world of the Expanse — the Belt, the Outer Planets, all of it — and the inhabitants of the world, are so brilliantly imagined. It all just works, drawing you in and not letting you go. The transition to a television series also seems to have captured this particular world-building magic, although I’ve only seen the first season. All in all, The Expanse has to be #1 on this list.

So, what do you think? Have you experienced any of these worlds? Do you want to fight me over my choices? (Just kidding, I don’t fight on the internets) However, I’m happy to hear your thoughts on the science fiction worlds you love!

OWS CyCon officially runs May 17-19 with the CyCon website and Facebook events acting as the hub for all of our events. Sign up for our newsletter or RSVP to the event to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the bookish goodness we have to offer. Plus, you can read more about our participating Sci Fi authors and their Top 5 favorites in Sci-Fi before CyCon starts. Visit the blog hop page any time leading up to CyCon for the latest posts and your chance to enter our MEGA giveaway (open May 10).

#IFTTT #Sherry D. Ramsey

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idealisticrealism · 8 years ago

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Blindspot recap 2x14

(Aka the one with Rich and the secret society)

Aaaah okay so I have had basically zero available time to do this review and this is the latest I’ve ever gotten it posted (still before the new episode though so at least there’s that) but please to not assume my lateness is reflective of my feelings for this ep because honestly my love for it knows no bounds

So if you have time before the new ep, see below the cut for a lot of screaming over Rich haha

Okay firstly let's not talk about how old I was in 2001 and how very NOT college-aged I was because that would make my gigantic crush on Rich just a little awkward haha. But omg this scene. The music and the remote control car with the laser and their OUTFITS omg and okay I desperately need to know what is going on with that goatee situation bc it looks so wrong and I don't know if that's just because I'm used to the beautiful beard or what. Given the time it would take him to grow that beard back, have they literally just put a prosthetic over his actual beard to make it look like unshaven skin?? I need to know. Hell, I’m gonna ask Ennis, he'll probably tell me lol. Tbh that guy has gotta be sick of seeing my name on his twitter notifications by now haha. But also lbr I kinda have a hard time believing Rich (or Gord, rather) didn't get straight A's anyway? I mean he's a genius, after all. Though I guess he had other, cooler things to spend his time on rather than study. Probably involving more lasers. And then aaaahhh they're caught (lbr those outfits are a crime in themselves haha) and while I didn't expect Rich's charm (lol, if it can be called "charm") to work on cops (or campus security?) literally who the hell tasers someone just for being irritating?? I assume that was a bit of artistic licence bc a cop would get strung up for doing that here. Plus you cannot tell me that Rich wouldn't have had lawyers (or law student friends, idk) all over that. But anyhow.

Reade. Dude. Get your shit together, because you're a damn mess. And so is your apartment, since you and your lil drug honey have apparently trashed the place. And now you're gonna be late to work, again? Ugh. He needs to grow a set and tell Nikki to leave and stay gone. Maybe he should get Tasha to do it since she's clearly got more balls than he does...

Speaking of being a mess, here's my poor baby Weller, who is messed up for a slightly more legitimate reason (or a myriad thereof). And so wait, a whole weekend has passed since the last ep? So Weller's only just telling Jane and Nas now? What was he doing this whole time? Maybe he was having a bender of his own in his apartment... but ugh Jane is immediately reassuring and tells him it's not his fault and that there was nothing he could do. Because she's nothing if not a supportive wifey. (Wait maybe he already told Jane over the weekend and he’s just telling Nas for the first time now. It’s possible so I’m running with it haha). Anyway he's clearly torn up about it though and you can tell his ~THING~ with Shepherd is building into what's going to be an epic arch-nemesis showdown at the end of the season. But for now, Nas has magically conjured some property records for 'Ellen Briggs', including places in Wisconsin, Maryland, North Carolina, Florida, Colorado, and New Jersey. That's a decent number of states to have lived in?? Though I guess the whole army thing involves a fair bit of shifting around. With this new info, though, they can send Jane and Roman to the places and see if they trigger any memories, since they might have lived at some of them too. Which is kind of a bummer because it means that Jane's gonna be off with Roman and Nas and isn't gonna get to hang with her buddy Rich much :(

Ooooh update: Ennis answered me, apparently they saved the '2001' scene for the end of filming, then shaved his usual beard down to the chin beard. Tbh I am personally offended by the murdering of that beautiful beard but he assures me it lives again now haha

Anyway back to the case, Patterson has just interrupted (which is perfectly acceptable/even welcomed whenever Nas is in the room) to say there's a tattoo they need to see. And ugh Weller's reaction is the sweetest, going all concerned big bro and telling her she should be at home. But by the look of things, she had the weekend off, which is a pretty good effort for her? And ugh she saw a doctor who cleared her medically but it's clear that she still needs to be checked out psychologically and ughhhh my baby I hate that this has happened to you. But anyhow because Patterson's a genius, she'd already figured out that the tattoo contained an equation which, for reasons that I am not smart enough to comprehend, would solve itself today and somehow involve Lithium and a secret society at Jameson College called Daedalus. Of course Rich went to a college that shares a name with one of my favourite alcoholic beverages. And again we have a perfect moment where Zapata gets to shine, explaining who Daedalus was and then adds "stop looking at me like that when I know things". Damn straight, Reade, show your awesome partner some more respect. She's a smart lady. And then he makes a joke about the college kids maybe mixing lithium with jager and doing shots and lbr Reade with your newfound proclivities you don’t really get to judge anyone for what they put in their body. But anyhow Patterson brings up a list of the Daedalus members, and who else appears on it but Gord Enver, aka Rich DotCom. The team manage impressively well at suppressing their groans-- though lbr, Weller was actually pretty quick to say that they needed to bring Rich in. He didn't even look for alternatives. Like sure, Rich does like to talk, an he has a soft spot for the team, but... aw Weller, were you missing your hairy homie??

Okay Rich has been onscreen for all of a second and I already can't deal with this. The others all there awaiting him like some kind of royal welcoming committee-- and he definitely ACTS like returning royalty. I'm so intrigued to know if his newfound religion(s) was just a spur of the moment thing when he heard he was going back to the FBI-- maybe he was like "hmmm how can I annoy them even more than usual" and then turned to his cellmates or whoever and was like ‘hey I need to borrow your stuff’ lol. Or maybe he'd just been bored in prison and the library was fairly limited? Either way literally everyone's faces here are precious, especially Jane, who I think tends to be more perplexed by Rich than anything else (probably because she knows she shouldn't like him but does). Speaking of faces, Weller's "hurry the hell up you idiot" face as Rich is praying in the interview room-- which looks like a very fun version of praying-- is priceless. Rich freaking ending his prayer with 'bless this mess' earned my first shriek-laugh of the episode, followed closely by the second when Weller asked for help and he answered 'say no more' and gracefully slid the bible/Koran (can’t see which) across the table. Honestly as much as I love all the characters on this show, Rich is always gonna be a special case for me. I just adore this little shit. Speaking of which, he's refusing to help on grounds that he's already busy investigating ‘the spiritual plane’ and ugh everyone here knows he's gonna help them, that he WANTS to help them, but he can never make things easy. Weller tries threats, Nas tries insulting him (you have much to learn Nas, lol) whereas Jane just gets straight to the point, showing him the formula and the tattoo on her back, knowing it will shock him free of his play act. (Though I love that he throws in "let he who is without sin..." to Weller when Weller is getting judgy. You know, he has a point weller, you aren't exactly innocent either buddy) Also omg "Oh Gott im Himmel" Aaaahhhh Rick speaking German is an instant favourite thing for me. Two things I love combined haha. And good lord, there is too much to love about this scene. Weller's "I'm already distressed" (possibly the most truthful thing he's ever said), Rich trying to cross himself with cuffs on then quoting Matthew '24:7', then getting to ominously foretell an impending war.... please make him a regular, writers, I need it

And then ugh yes we're in the bullpen which means Rich interacting with the rest of the team (while Jane rolls her eyes at him in the background lol). Patterson explains-- with interruptions from Rich, naturally-- that lithium is getting super pricey so technically it would be cheaper to invade another country (by deliberately starting a war with a fake terrorist attack) and steal theirs. They just don't know which country, or who's planning it. Tasha catches on first which is funny bc she's actually often the one most... in tune?... with Rich. She tends to be able to cut through his bullshit to the bottom line of a matter and I think he digs that about her. Also Weller is having trouble pronouncing Daedalus correctly haha. But anyhow Rich points them towards a guy called Zack Riley, who was one of the guys who broke into the college with him back in the day and who Patterson seems to have a little geek-crush on. Which Rich is not at all pleased about-- maybe he's worried about losing his spot as their favourite (term used loosely) billionaire computer genius lol.

And then what's this?? Rich insists they need Boston too, since he's also a member of Daedalus and can help. Mmmhmm, I'm sure that's the reason, and not that Rich is trying to win him back haha, since these two definitely seem to be in the middle of a spat. But even better than Rich and Boston's relationship is that of Patterson and Boston-- the moment she walks in and sees him she literally makes an "Ughhhhh" sound. Oh my precious little supergenius sassmaster nemeses, this is gonna be gooood. And so it turns out there just happens to be an Alumni event on at Jameson right now that will be the cover for a secret Daedalus meeting, and since they already have two members, why not sneak in? I love that the conversation immediately gets derailed by Boston and Rich bickering ("how many times do I have to say I'm sorry??" "ONE time!" omg) before Weller tells them they'll be taking dates. And ugh Boston is being all belligerent like he's not going to help them and then bam Weller tells him he can have him transferred to a prison near LA so his parents can visit him more easily, and ugh he didn't have to do that. He could have made threats, like he made to Rich, but instead he recognised a way that he could make Boston's life better and offered it to him. Ugh my baby. Rich doesn't need any threats or bonuses; though he says he'll do it for spiritual reasons, as always, he's totally in it for the game. (And secretly for his love of the team and wanting them to approve of him)

Ughhhh Weller and Jane having their own private little conference in the corner of the lab (while Rich and Patterson fight over the touchscreen thing like siblings, which was all apparently ad-libbed and I'm delighted about it) and ugh Jane wants to stay and be with the team in case they need her but Weller asks her to go with Nas and Roman to the houses instead, because getting a lead on Shepherd is his biggest priority but he can't do this, only she can, so he's relying on her. And she recognises that, which is why she agrees to go (but before she does he grips her arm and looks at her with those expressive eyes and ughhh look at these two being a unit againnnnn). Then mom heads off while dad stays with the kids, assigning Patterson to Boston-- it's hard to tell who's less pleased about it, but I'm in love with Patterson's comic-con line (particularly since I met Ashley at Comic Con last year). And then omg "Rich, you take Tasha" "Which one's Tasha?" hahaha cmon, like you don't know, Rich. You love giving her as much shit as she gives you. You two are practically buds. But he's right, she's really not his type. There's only one person in the FBI who is (I'm excluding Jane from this because I don't think he considers her to be FBI). Though tbh I think even if Jane had been there as an option Rich would have still chosen Weller just for the fun of making him uncomfortable lol.

And so this episode gives us one of the greatest gifts of the show so far: Weller and Rich, out on a date. Which so far has entailed Rich 'helping' Weller out of the car, and Weller informing him that he has just drunk water with a tracking isotope in it so he can't escape them. I love the "You are so controlling... Why do I keep coming back to you" because he really doeessss. He keeps coming back. And well, Weller is a control freak haha. Oh but the real brilliance comes from the other pair, Patterson ignoring Boston's politely extended hand as she gets out of the car and then implies that he and Rich broke up because Boston's 'the worst person ever' and ughhh I love the antagonistic relationship between these two. At least they can get through the door, though, whereas Rich and Weller are turned back due to something Rich did to piss someone off in the past. And Rich is all "Oh well. Hey let's go check out the carnival!" like this is a real date and ugh he is the cutest??? Literally how can anyone not love this man. Instead, to his disappointment, Weller makes him find a way to sneak in-- aka though old hallways/tunnels that he used to use to sneak in hookers. And then they have a ~moment~ as they bond over their mutual prankster school days. Well, at least Rich thinks they're having a moment. Weller just has slightly less heat in his voice when he tells him to shut up. Then they get to the door, which no longer has a handle, so Weller kicks it open. Literally kicks it off its hinges, in fact, and while I know Weller is strong, that was a VERY solid old door. No way its hinges would give like that. But anyhow luckily no one was on the other side of that door, because they'd be out for the count right now. And after such a dramatic entrance, security is immediately onto them-- but then an old friend vouches for Rich and sends away the guards-- before looking properly at Weller with what can only be described as a 'hubba hubba' gaze. Rich promptly introduces him as his HUSBAND Kurt Enver (*shriek laugh*) and lays his head on his shoulder. Weller valiantly tries to roll with it, but the other guy is like ‘nope, this guy's got hooker written all over him' and oh Weller, I bet you never expected to find yourself in a situation where you'd prefer to be Rich's husband??? And then they talk about his burly arms and how the other guy would 'back that stallion' and calls him a meat trophy and omggggg there is nothing I love more than hypermasculine men experiencing what it's constantly like for women to be treated like sex objects by other men. Although lbr I think Weller's enjoying this a tiny bit bc he didn't have to smile at all during that conversation-- he could have just stood there all strong and impassive-- but he was practically grinning and ugh this is the beeeessssst. Also he then talks to Zapata and Reade over the comms and man I hope they heard that whole conversation because that would make my day. Btw as a sidenote, they say that the party guest that tried to keep Rich out had a pharmaceutical company that raised the cancer drug prices by like 1000%. And again, this show is totally unafraid to pull things from the current news and pass judgement on them...

Shepherd lived in Robinhood lane? I bet she picked it because she felt she was a Robin Hood that was helping the poor by taking down the rich. And lol Nas wants to go inside to see if it triggers anything for them and Jane is all 'what if it's a trap' and Nas goes 'With you two? I'll take my chances.' And wow that's the first likable thing she's said in a long time. Tbh she's right, too-- if I had to be ambushed, I'd want to have the mayhem twins there to protect me haha. But ugh Roman and Jane are unable to believe they could have grown up in such a normal looking place rather than like a barracks or something and it's so sad? And then Roman gets so upset because he can't remember anything and when Jane says 'I know how you feel' (which she does tend to say a lot) he yells 'then why don't you FEEL it??" and ugh damn Luke just SELLS all of Roman's emotions and I'm just so impressed with how good he is. But He has a point-- Jane doesn't feel what he feels, and that's partly because she's had time to adjust (she was definitely very upset in early S1) but also she knows things that he doesn't know. She has answers, and that makes a huge difference. I love that even when he gets aggressive, Jane doesn't back away-- she moves closer, speaking gently to him. She just wants to soothe him, but it's not possible, not when he's still missing so much of himself. And definitely won't be possible when it's revealed that she zipped him, because mannnn does he wanna kill Shepherd for that, so thing are gonna get really ugly when he leans the truth.

WELLER INSTIGATES THE DANCING. I REPEAT, WELLER INSTIGATES THE DANCING. AaaaaaahhhhHHHHHH. Rich is craning his neck trying to see who their target is talking to and Weller is the one to pull him onto the dancefloor so they can surreptitiously (term used loosely since they're a little distinctive) move closer. I love these two, and I love that Weller's letting himself 'loosen up' a little. Tbh I think a part of him does actually like Rich. It helps that Sully and Ennis get along so well because they are just totally able to sell all their interactions ugh. Then they head up to the office to find the target's hidden laptop, and Rich monologues about the guy having stolen something from him, but in doing so practically set him on the path to being Rich DotCom. But think about that, Rich-- if he'd never wronged you, sure you could maybe be a rich famous computer wiz like him, but you would have never gotten to work with this team or meet your 'husband' Weller, or be here playing super spy right now.... so maybe he did you a favour?

Alone in the van, Zapata and Reade finally have a moment to talk, and she calls him out on not being himself today. Thankfully he doesn't just brush it off like he did a few days ago-- I think he's recognised that he needs to get out of the quicksand pit he's in but he can't do it on his own. So he tells Zapata, who he knows won't stand for it. And she won't; she's pissed and incredulous that he would be stupid enough to date (term also used loosely) the ex of the murderer who he helped to flee the city. Weller interrupts their conversation but I'm at least comforted by the fact that Zapata won't let this go. She will get Reade back onto the straight and narrow even if it means camping on his couch and sending away anyone that knocks on the door, dammit

While Rich and Weller find the laptop, Patterson and Boston are trying to figure out how to get the password off the key fob that the target carries with him at all times. After a bit of sniping, Boston has an idea, and grabs Patterson's hand to pull her over to the guy and introduces her as the love of his life, which confuses the guy (I loved his "I thought you were...", though hey cmon, bisexuality can exist, buddy). And lol Patterson is gushing over him which isn't completely fake? Like she did seem like a fan earlier. But meanwhile Boston has picked his pocket and shows her the code over the guy's shoulder, and of course she memorises the dozen or so digits in a moment and then is like 'okay great to meet you byyeeeee' haha before telling Weller the password over the comms. Nice work, team. Except for some reason the guards are suddenly headed their way, which is unfortunate. I do love the parallel to the hacking at the start, where Rich is on the computer and the person with him is like 'we gotta go!'-- and like that time, they get completely busted. And then when Zack (their target) comes in, Weller's about to reveal himself (not in the way Rich would enjoy) but Rich speaks over him, convincing Zack that he was there to steal back the software that he created and which made Zack rich. But omg I’m in love with his shouty voice and the fact his middle name is Meredith and Weller's FACE (literally this look of shock needs to be a reaction gif because it's AMAZING), but lol it all totally works, and Zack sends away the guards and apologises to Rich that he feels that way but makes it clear that he didn't steal anything-- they developed it together and he asked Rich to join him to complete it but Rich stayed to finish college, taking the 'safe way out', and you can see ffrom Rich's face that it's true. And okay Rich said earlier that nobody likes a prequel but seriously I would watch a whole movie about this backstory. For real, show, give it to me now. But anywho turns out their target isn't actually their target after all-- he no longer has any reason to need lots of lithium as he sold that part of his company-- and then he even offers Rich a spot on his team. Naww Rich wants to beat him up and it’s adorable

Aw Jane brings Roman and Nas back to her place to give Roman a chance to settle himself beore they look at any other places. Ugh she's such the caring big sister, getting him water and trying to soothe him and making Nas give him some space. She's so cute and self-conscious about her safehouse (still feel weird about her being back in the same one, given the bad memories of That Night) and he throws back that at least her doors can open when she wants-- and she tells him that they didn't always. Roman's situation is tough because I can see how much it would suck to be locked up and treated pretty much like a prisoner, but at the same time I'm just like 'please be patient, they're trying to trust you' and ughhh it just sucks for everyone involved. And then he seems to try to settle himself, and looks around, noticing the frickin huge bouquet of roses on the table beside the couch. He asks who Oliver is, which means she hasn't talked to Roman about him yet, which is kinda disappointing-- I want her to tell him all about Oliver and Weller and her feelings and I want him to be a confidante for her (and to help her realise that Weller is still the one she wants lol). And then the flowers trigger a memory-- he's in a flower van watching Weller and a dark hairded woman having lunch, and sends a text that says the target (Weller?) is in sight, and gets one back from shepherd telling him to proceed. Aaaaahhhh but with whaaaatttt

So their target isn't Zack, but it's still someone within Daedalus. Patterson uses a camera hidden in a makeup thingie to send video back to 'lenny and squiggy' in the van-- who can also apparently hear her and Boston's conversation, meaning they can hear him complaining endlessly abut Rich but also hear her blow up at him about all the things she went through with Borden and David and ugh my baby has been holding that in for so long. And then lol 'you feel better?' 'kinda'. I love that Boston was the one to be able to help her in a way that no one else had been able to, because while they were gently trying to coax her feelings out of her he just set off a mini explosion which finally let her breathe once it was off her chest. And then by moving back to his problems he shifts the focus off her. I love these twoooo ugh

Meanwhile Rich is also more focused on his own problems-- in his case, acknowledging that he did chicken out and give up on the software in order to finish his degree. But dammit I need more backstory here-- were there other reasons he stayed behind? A mother who desperately wanted to see her son finish college? An elderly grandparent that he was the carer for and couldn't just move to silicone valley and leave them behind? Weller tries to get him to refocus but instead Rich is the one trying to make HIM see clearly-- "don't waste your life on missions. You grab Jane now before somebody else does (...)" and ugh Weller's face. His mouth moves like he's trying to find the words to deny it all and tell Rich to shut up but he knows Rich is hitting the mark. He still wants Jane even though he knows how much he shouldn't. I wish we'd gotten to hear what he would have said in response to that, but then we're interrupted by the beginning of ~the ritual~. And then omg here's another shriek laugh as he says "this better not be a sex thing" and Rich replies "if it is we should probably go along with it right? Don't wanna blow our cover" and omggggg the look Weller gives him. I love these two SO MUCH. I decided to name them ‘Welch’ (I've seen WelCom around which is good too). Ennis approved of Welch tho so I'm sticking to it haha.

Meanwhile Patterson and Boston managed to avoid being stuck inside for the ritual and are currently sneaking somewhere, and she gives him shit about ‘Boston Arliss Crabb’ being his real name-- she'd thought it was an alias like Rich's, but while everyone here knew Rich as Gord, Boston was just Boston-- and he retorts that she can't talk when her first name is.... aaaand she interrupts him because she sees someone up ahead. Dammit, writers, you're so cruel. Just tell us her name!! Clearly it must be something either quite unusual OR something totally whitebread and boring, since he's judging her for it. Personally I've always stuck with Tiffany, just because I like the thought of her having a super girly name (and one that does seem to get unfairly associated with being an airhead).

Anyhow Weller and Rich try to leave to go join them to follow this guy, but the guards block their way--- so Weller kicks both their asses and steals one's gun, before heading for the exit with Rich in tow. I love the guy that pipes up "Oh you're definitely banned now, Gord" to which Rich throws back "Oh, suck it, Phineas." Which will now and forever be my new insult hahaha. And then I love the clever little aside "What's wrong with rich people?" "We get bored". Yep, that explains a lot of things happening in the world, doesn't it? Anyway mystery guy heads into another building, pursued by Patterson and Boston (though Boston pauses briefly to admire some art outside) and they step into the deserted building-- only to find him right there waiting for them. They try to talk their way out of it (cue another shriek-laugh at Boston’s "We came in here to have sex with each other" and Patterson’s little "Oh") but unfortunately their acting isn't that great haha. Their fighting is pretty good though-- Patterson takes on the guy with a gun while in heels and wielding just a crowbar, while Boston valiantly tackles the other guy and risks those delicate artist's hands to punch him in the face multiple times. Weller calls for Reade and Zapata, then tells Rich to hold out a hand-- Rich gets all excited thinking he's gonna get a gun, whereas I am inexplicably expecting them to just hold hands-- but instead we're both disappointed as Weller cuffs Rich to the art sculpture out front. But ugh he does it to protect him because he knows he's about to be running into a firefight and doesn't want to put Rich at risk??? Awww my babies do care about each other. I love the subtle nod to gun safety that Rich makes as Weller runs off too. No one can ever say this show isn't at least a little political. But omg Weller gets in there to help but Patterson and Boston have pretty much got it sorted, with her stomping on her guys hand in her heels to get his gun and Boston knocking out his guy with a can of paint. The grin and thumbs up that they share is the MOST ADORABLE thing ever. Are they friends now because I would be so happyyyyy

Outside, Rich's friend from the party finds him cufffed to the sculpture, jokingly asking 'a little trouble with your date?' which lbr is not that far off. But then poor Rich makes the mistake of being honest (that never works out well, bro, you know that) and admits to working with the FBI-- then immediately knows he's about to get a gun pulled on him since he's just found the bad guy. Who does pull out a gun, but just shoots the cuffs to free him, and can I just say I totally called it that Rich has a very girlish scream lol. Thankfully the guy 'needs him alive' for whatever reason so we're safe for now. He also knows that he's Rich Dot Com oooohhhh plot twistttt

Jane and Roman and Nas have found the restaurant where Roman was watching weller. In a strange display of trust (has Nas given Roman some of that tracker water too? I bet she has) she walks off to check in with Weller, leaving Jane and Roman alone-- conveniently meaning that if he has another flash, Jane will be the only one to witness it. Which he does-- he sees a couple hugging in the doorway (they look a lot like one of the couples that was dancing near Weller and Rich actually... same extras?) and then remembers Weller hugging the woman before she got in her car and Roman crashed into her with the van before smothering her. Okay firstly how do you have a crash in the middle of NYC in daytime and then SMOTHER the victim without anyone seeing?? And secondly that kind of asphyxiation leaves evidence such as finger bruises around the mouth-- she wouldn't even need an autopsy to note that. And thirdly oh my godddd she died on the way back from meeting Weller, which means he would have absolutely blamed himself, like 'If only we had met soemwhere else or picked a different day or if I had done this or that differently’ uuughhhhhh my poor babyyyyy why must he suffer so muchhhhhhh

And ugh Roman immediately tells Jane that he killed Weller's friend Emma (ugh in the memory he soothes Emma, telling her it's okay, and ugh thi is awful for everyone involved) and Jane is so horrified that they both had ties to Emma's death, since Emma would have known that Jane wasn't Taylor. And ugh my precious Roman wants to tell Nas straight away, which shows he's already a better person than he was before the wipe-- but Jane won't let him. She's protecting him from Nas and from repercussions of what he did, but she's also protecting Weller from getting this news abruptly thrust upon him. She promises that she'll tell him, and god I hope she will...

Poor Rich is being forced to hack into a computer at gunpoint, in order to open some kind of thing that gets them the stuff they need for a dirty bomb. The bombing itself will be blamed on the poor dead Bolivian guy lying on the floor in the corner-- and so the team is proved right, someone was trying to start a war between the US and another country. Rich is adorably doing his best to talk the guy out of it, saying that the FBI knows the truth and that he'll be caught, but the guy says that once there's been an attack on their own soil, "the truth isn't gonna matter". Wow, again with the politics. This show packs a very subtle punch. And omg Rich is still refusing because he may be a criminal but he doesn't hurt people (generally. I know he did kill that guy in 1x09 but shhhh) and then the baddie SHOOTS HIM IN THE FOOT. Oh Richy my baby, you don't deserve this. Thankfully the team will soon be to your rescue, bc they're tracking you right now (they think you went on the run, so disrespectful of them) and they also found a key thing from the campus lab-- which the tracker says is where Rich is, plus the baddie, whose phone they tracked. Of course hubby immediately jumps to the rescue, finding Rich while the other are still searching. Then omg the baddie grabs Rich and threatens Weller that his 'buddhist friend will get his third eye' and of course Rich has to correct him that that's actually a Hindu thing and both of them yell for him to shut up haha. But ugh baddie is using Rich as a shield and Weller apologises and says he can't let him get away, and Rich is all ‘uh that's okay, why are you apologising’-- and then bam Weller shoots him in the leg, causing him to drop and leaving the baddie exposed, who immediately surrenders (bc lbr, if a guy is willing to shoot a member of his own team, he'll sure as hell shoot you). Weller immediately calls for an ambulance for Rich though, so at least there's that. And lol Rich still manages to give him a jibe about being too obsessed with the movie Speed, which is a cool throwback and is just overall really cute and ugh these two

Nawwww Patterson and Boston deciding maybe they don't totally hate each other after all. And then she sees him looking at the nameplate on the sculpture-- he'd actually made it, back in 2001. I can't quite see how it represents 'Wind through the pines' but then I'm much more of an impressionist fan than a contemporary/abstract fan. But aw she calls him talented and asks how he became a criminal and he looks at Rich and says he followed his heart. Naaawww I ship itttt

Awwww Mom and Dad visiting their lil boy in hospital. Such a brave boy. And omg Jane is such a sassmaster: "Redemption is its own reward" ahahahahahaaaa oh man I love their relationship. But lbr, there's totally gonna be a knock on Rich's door sometime soon and a nurse will come in and give him a little package that was dropped off for him, and he’ll open it to find a little plastic medal with HERO stamped on the front and he will cherish it FOREVER. Also lol when she pats his thigh does he say "geeez that's close?" aka being mildly sexual or am I just mishearing him saying “geez that hurts”? But then just as mom and dad are about to leave him all alone in the big scary hospital, he entices them with solving another tattoo, revealing that he knows exactly what they're up to-- which is fascinating?? Does he know why they're trying to solve them? How far does his knowledge go?? Will this turn out to be one of those things where someone could have found out all the answers they were seeking just by asking the right person? (like Weller showing Jane the yearbook that led them to Shepherd's real name?) And then ughhhh he only asks for Boston to be moved to minimum security. This guy is too cute sometimes. Also lol "I'm here every other week" yaaaasss please come back every week lol. I love that they've set him up to come back, ugh thank you writers

Oooh Patterson's read up on Dr Sun, apparently she was present in Nas's team at the NSA when the Sandstorm mole was revealed, had even expressed concerns about the person herself. But that doesn't mean we should trust her! Dr Sun is almost as shady as Nas is, definitely do not tell her ANYTHING.

Lol Reade, coming home to a clean, empty apartment is a GOOD thing. Tell you what's not a good thing? Cocaine!! Gawd man what are you dooooooinggggggg. You need to see someone abput this self-destructive behaviour (not Dr Sun though) before you combust!

Awww Jeller strolling through the corridors together, joking about Patterson and Rich, being all super cute... and then he asks about Roman and she clams up. NO JANE NO. YOU KNOW WHAT LYING LEADS TO, PLEASE LEARN YOUR LESSON AND TELL HIM BEFORE HE FINDS OUT SOME OTHER WAY. YOU'RE ALREADY IN THIS SAME PREDICAMENT WITH ROMAN, DON'T BOX YOURSELF IN ON ALL SIDES UGHHHHH. Seriously honey you need to go to his apartment later with more beers, sit him down and tell him everything. He's not the same out-of-control guy that arrested you, I swear. Ughh. But ugh then he admits he actually kinda maybe enjoyed spending the day with Rich (oh how Rich would weep with joy to hear that) and then they bond over the fact that Weller got to shoot him, something they have all low-key (or high-key) wanted to do since the moment they met him haha. And ugh this is such a cute little jokey moment (remember when they couldn't even bear to look at each other and now there's heart eyes everywhere again ughhhh) and lbr Weller might even have been about to offer to get some drinks or something when they are-- as always-- interrupted, this time by a text from Oliver. Which in a way I'm happy about because it led to the casually awkward (or awkwardly casual) little exchange about her going on a date and gave Weller the opportunity to realise he doesn't really like the idea of Jane being out on dates with people who aren't him. Bet Rich’s warning is ringing in your ears now, huh buddy??

Oh I forgot this scene even existed. Apparently Nas and Weller can't figure out what the Truman protocol is, other than there might have been some meetings in the 40s. And then woahhhh here's a twist with the next scene: Borden is working with that Zack Riley guy, who is apparently a key player in Sandstorm's Phase Two! Boom. Hope this means Rich can come back and engage in some kind of hack-war with him to defuse the missile....

Anyway phew done with like twenty mins to spare, time to get my livestream set up for today’s ep!

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #RICH RICH RICH RICH RICHHHHH #I love this ep so freakin much omg

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incorrectknb · 8 years ago

Text

who you should fight: Seirin edition

which KnB characters are you going to fight? [GoM]

so you’re itching for a fight and you’ve decided that you want to rumble with some high school athletes. well, the Seirin basketball team is as good a place to start as any. here’s who you should and shouldn’t be trying to tussle with:

Kagami Taiga who wins: Kagami (unless you are a werewolf) Kagami’s known weaknesses are dogs, food, and tough kanji. aside from those things, he’s pretty much invincible. also, he’s always ready to fight. he would be squaring up with you before you had time to finish rolling up your sleeves. the only people to put a dent in Kagami in the entire series are Kuroko, Riko, and Kagami himself. that’s a formidable trio, and it’s worth noting that Kagami never stays down for long. he’s back on his feet and ready to go again in no time at all. do not fight Kagami Taiga unless you are a Japanese teacher who is also a werewolf, and can therefore defeat him with both complex kanji and being a literal dog.

Kuroko Tetsuya who wins: you, but at what cost? Kuroko’s mostly weak, but be careful, if he lands a hit he could seriously damage you. have you seen him punch the basketball across the court and call it a pass? goddamn, you could get seriously injured if he tried that out on your squishy bits. also, and this is important, do you have the moral high ground in this fight? make sure you do beforehand, because if not, you’ve just gained yourself a nemesis. he’s a fucking stubborn little bugger and he won’t let the injustice of your victory continue. this is the boy who took down the GoM just to prove a point. he’s patient. he will wait. only choose to fight Kuroko if you don’t fear retribution.

Hyuuga Junpei who wins: does it matter we both know you’re going to go ahead and fight Hyuuga anyways, so we might as well give up on speculating over who’s going to win this thing. have you seen the guy? he’s dying for some way to relieve all of the pressure of being captain of a team as ridiculously reckless as Seirin. he needs this fight just as much as you do, it’ll be cathartic. please take one for the team (ha) and fight Hyuuga. it’ll do you both some good, you battle-crazed maniac. hell, you might even part on good terms.

Kiyoshi Teppei who wins: what are you doing? why?? are you trying to fight Kiyoshi???? is your name Hanamiya Makoto? because if it’s not, I’m not sure why you’re even reading this. Kiyoshi Teppei has done nothing wrong and there is no situation in which you should be trying to fight him. stop this nonsense at once. go home, take a nap, or call Hyuuga instead. honestly, what the fuck. even ignoring the fact that there’s no reason for you to be fighting him, you should be afraid of him. he has no sense of self-preservation and his hands are very strong. he could probably do that thing where he puts his hand on your head and holds you away from himself, leaving your fists swinging through empty air and you looking like a fool. do not fight Kiyoshi.

Aida Riko who wins: Riko you’re gonna fucking lose this one. Aida Riko does not fear death and she certainly does not fear you. prepare to be annihilated, you poor bastard.

Izuki Shun who wins: you Izuki is long overdue for a good smackdown, and you’re the perfect person to give it to him. all those puns at inappropriate times??? how has this been allowed to continue for so long??? well, no longer, because today is the day that someone puts a stop to them. you have to fight Izuki. he probably even deserves it. his eagle eye isn’t going to do shit for him when you’re right there up in his face and swinging, so don’t worry about it. just take him down. you can win this one, I believe in you.

Koganei Shinji and Mitobe Rinnosuke who wins: they do okay, so they have a two to one advantage on you, but if you really want to you can give it a shot. I mean, it’s impossible to fight them separately, so you’ll just have to do your best. oh, who am I kidding, Koganei would trip you while you were preoccupied with Mitobe and then they’d probably take you out for ice cream. the actual fighting will be totally unsatisfying. none of you will have any fun, so don’t fight Koganei and Mitobe, just skip right to the inevitable friendship instead.

Tsuchida Satoshi who wins: Tsuchida Tsuchida Satoshi is an enigma, a non-entity, some may even say he’s sort of like a cryptid. Kuroko Tetsuya who? Tsuchida is where the REAL mystery is at. what do we know about him? not much, which makes him incredibly unpredictable and dangerous. one of the few truths we know about Seirin’s legendary back-up power forward is that he’s the only KnB character with a girlfriend - clearly he knows something none of the other characters do. Physically, he’s fairly average - the only true weapons he has in his arsenal are his natural aura of side character mystery and the power of love, but they should be more than enough to take you down. fight Tsuchida, I dare you. we’ll see who’s just a side character after he’s through with you.

Furihata Kouki who wins: you go ahead and fight Furihata, you’re definitely going to win the first round. he’s not especially strong and if you challenge him confidently enough he’ll definitely think you know what you’re doing, so you already have an advantage over him. it’s important to note, however, that (like Kuroko) he’s a tenacious little bastard and he’ll definitely pick himself right back up and prepare for round two. you can win and keep winning, but no matter how scared he is and despite his naturally cautious nature, he can’t seem to turn down a challenge, so over time he’s definitely going to improve until one day he’ll be the one inviting you to meet him behind the gym to throw down because you’ve created a monster and he won’t stop until he’s proven himself to you. fight Furihata and you’ll have a regular sparring partner for the rest of the year.

Kawahara Kouichi who wins: you, but why are you doing this he’s a good kid, you really shouldn’t be fighting him in the first place. shit, dude, his motto is “purely and honestly”, is that really the kind of guy you think deserves to be fought? is Kawahara Kouichi, a simple oden and jigsaw puzzle enthusiast, the kind of person you want to meet in an abandoned parking lot at midnight? no, you’re not allowed to fight him, pick someone else off the list to duel with.

Fukuda Hiroshi who wins: probably Fukuda it’s my personal belief that Fukuda is the character from Seirin most likely to be a vigilante in his spare time, so, when you get your ass kicked, don’t come crying to me about it. I’m warning you right now: he has two older brothers, so he already knows every dirty trick in the book AND he’s got a lot of passion for helping out those in need, so I’d bet anything that he’s been in a scrap or two before. it might be close, he’s not really that much stronger than Furihata, but he’s the biggest and heaviest out of the normal first year trio and he’ll definitely be the most challenging to defeat. only fight him if you’ve fought Furihata and Kawahara first, and please know that I’m only saying this because how cool would it be to complete the set? (so cool)

Nigou who wins: me I’ll kick your fucking ass if you try to fight this dog. I’ll fight Kuroko for the right to kick your ass, I don’t give a fuck. if you even think about touching this dog with the intention of doing anything other than petting him, be prepared for me to physically manifest in your house and start kicking your ass. do not fight Nigou under any circumstances.

bonus: Aida Kagetora who wins: you there’s no ifs, ands, or buts about this: you HAVE to win this one. sure, he may be an adult and all that, but this man needs to be fought and you’re the one who needs to do it. lose the first round? get right back in there, champ, this ain’t over till it’s over. if you decide you want to fight him, you’re not allowed to stop until you’ve come out on top. I recommend doing this is a pro wrestling-style venue so you can climb up onto the ropes and take him down from above. just imagine how satisfying that would be. fight Aida Kagetora - you gotta.

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jeremichal-archive · 8 years ago

Text

human error

I’ve been working on this fic for months and I’m so glad it’s finally done. I honestly really enjoyed writing this one, and I love these boys to pieces. So anyway, hope you enjoy & let me know what you think!

Pairing: Raychael Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol Mention, Minor Injuries & Guns

They haven’t spoken in six months: there’s been no brief, catch-up phone call full of awkward silences to set the clock back to zero; there’s been no quick text message of a joke shared in the heat of the moment, no followed up embarrassed message because they’d accidentally forgotten about the self-inflicted silence.

There’s been nothing to even suggest that Michael and Ray are even still best friends, or allies, or acquaintances.

It’s in the evenings, though, when things get… difficult. When Michael’s had one too many beers and he lacks that crippling fear that follows him when he’s sober; the one that demands he doesn’t contact Ray. His phone seems to taunt him on those nights, reminding him that his best friend is literally right there within his reach- that he could pick up the damn phone and call him, right now. And he’s come close, hand hovering over “BrownNERD” in his contacts list so many times that he’s lost count. He could call him, he could make the first move- but then he thinks about the last time they talked to each other- and Michael’s phone ends up tossed in his nightstand drawer, hidden away and ignored.

It’s like a song on repeat, one that Michael’s forced to constantly relive; so it’s not really a surprise when he finds himself in the same situation yet again. His phone is in his hand- a beer bottle in the other- so close to just taking that final leap. He’s pretty sure he’s drunk, there's a buzz in the back of his head and his fingers can’t stop twitching. So honestly, it’s a setup for failure, because if there’s one thing Michael knows about Ray, it’s that his best friend can’t stand it when he’s drunk.

(He finds it pathetic that he still calls Ray his best friend, since he can probably guess- for good reason, too- that he no longer holds that title from Ray.)

Back when they talked, back when Ray used to spend the night at Michael’s apartment without hesitation. There was a time- that Michael can only distantly remember- when Ray would crawl between his bed sheets and tuck his smaller body up against his. At first, he’d been hesitant, unsure of Ray’s motives- unsure of his own motives. But like everything else they did, a sense of familiarity quickly settled between them and it became second nature for Michael to wrap his arms around Ray’s waist and pull him tight against him. They’d lay like that, pressed together in a way that was usually reserved for lovers, yet seemed oddly perfect for them.

(Were they lovers? Did they pass some unseen point in time where they could confidently describe one another as their other half?)

“I hated him,” he would whisper, and Michael would freeze, hesitant to even breathe lest it results in Ray falling silent, “I hated him so much. He used to always smell like liquor; used to joke that his blood was ninety percent alcohol too. It was all a joke to him, didn’t give a fuck about what I thought. What I felt.”

If he thinks about it- if he lets himself fall back to that night- Michael’s pretty sure he can still remember his reply.

“I give a fuck about what you think.”

Even now, well into the point where he’s sure there’s no way to fix this, Michael know’s he still means it. God, he’s such a fucking idiot.

Six months will quickly turn into eight months if you don’t pay attention and so Michael tries to convince himself that if Ray wanted to talk to him, he’d message him. It’s a one-way ticket to regret, but Michael’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

He doesn’t call.

They have a timeline. It goes like this.

Michael is currently 29 years old. Ray is 27.

They met for the first time at 16 and 14, respectfully. They don’t become friends; rather Ray steals his backpack and Michael chases him three blocks, finally cornering the small kid in an alley beside a laundromat and a 7/11. He gives the kid a broken nose, a dislocated shoulder and leaves him there curled up in the dirt.

They meet again, for the second time, in a Taco Bell car park at 4 am. 20 and 18; neither of them quite able to forget the other since their first meeting. They don’t become friends; rather Ray breaks Michael’s arm and leave him bleeding out behind a shitty 2002 Toyota Camry- a bullet wound in his upper thigh. Even now though, Michael still doesn’t know if Ray missed his femoral artery on purpose, or by complete accident.

They meet again, for the third time; 23 and 21. They become friends, but how, Michael doesn’t even know himself.

He's standing on the sidewalk, watching his apartment building burn; He’s watching twenty-three years of junk, and memorabilia and possessions burn and yet he doesn’t care.

The fire department is doing their best to save the building, but whatever caused the fire originated from his apartment- so he knows it’s all gone. His guess, a grenade or two tossed through his window by the fire escape; but he’s not going upstairs to fucking play detective.

“I’m guessing this is where you used to live?”

The voice comes from behind him, but Michael doesn’t need to turn around to know who it belongs to. Funny enough, despite only meeting twice, Ray has been cemented into his memory whether he likes it or not. He’s seventy percent sure Ray also shares the same problem.

He can’t ignore the other forever though- not even sure he wants to- so in the end he does end up turning around, catching the sight of Ray’s blinding grin. Part of him wonders if this was Ray’s doing, but then he remembers bleeding out in a Taco Bell car park at 4am and he realises Ray already got his revenge.

They stare at each other for a few moments, both trying to silently decide if the other is worth their time when Ray sighs.

“You can stay at my place.”

So yeah, they become friends; but how, Michael doesn’t even know himself. Instead, he just thanks his lucky stars and thanks anyone who’s listening that he didn't become Ray’s nemesis in that moment instead.

He feels numb- from head to toe- the kind that starts slowly until it's all you can feel.

Maybe he’s dissociating, maybe he’s having a panic attack; all Michael knows is that he’s frozen on the spot- watching them. There was a point, where he’d thought they’d saw him- a brief moment of eye contact that had forced his heart to stop beating- but nothing but boredom flickered over Ray’s face so he chalked it up to paranoia.

He can see them through the front window of Ponsonby's- a clothing store well known for both its high-priced fashion and it’s bulletproof windows- and by God, it’s so hard not to just go to him. To walk up to Ray and say hello, or to hug him, or to get his shit kicked in by Geoff- who is to his left, flicking through the new imported suit jackets.

He knows he’d be unwelcomed, he knows that Ray would blanch at the sight of him; but it would almost be worth the black eye he’d receive to just hear Ray’s voice again.

His feet move without his permission, fast-paced steps that propel him to the clothing store. He makes it to the front door before he’s seen, before Ray’s eyes dart to catch the movement in the corner of his eye, before his gaze falls on Michael. Arm extended to push open the door, he watches his best friend’s face flash with a quick array of emotions. Once upon a time, he could read them all, could pick out Ray’s emotions with a quick glance and a low “What’s up?” Once upon a time, they were inseparable, but time is a bitch and things change relatively quickly in Los Santos.

After a moment, Ray shakes his head- a small movement that’s barely noticeable- and Michael swallows deeply. Geoff’s still not looking at him, Ray’s within reach and Michael’s not sure he can do this again.

It's a decision, it’s a choice: leave now and forget about him, or stay and don’t.

He pushes open the door, listening to the small bell jingle above him- but his eyes never stray from Ray’s face. Michael doesn’t understand how Ray can look so small standing beside Geoff. Like all of the fight has drained out of his body; it just looks wrong and Michael hates it. The man standing before him, it’s not his Ray, and it’s infuriating. So when he catches the slight flicker of fear in Ray’s eyes- his hands curl up into fists by his sides.

Because he’s the cause of this. This is his fault.

Geoff spins on his heel, reading the panic in Ray’s body language. His hand automatically moving to the gun tucked into the back of his pants by pure instinct- but when he sees Michael though, he pulls it out completely. It’s loaded, aimed and seconds away from being fired when Ray speaks.

“Oh, Michael. You weren’t the one who had to leave.”

To understand something, you must have the full story, that’s just how it goes.

He and Ray haven’t spoken in eight months; yeah, that’s true. But- that’s not all there is- there's a fact that’s been left out by purposeful omission. Michael hasn’t spoken to anyone in the fake ah crew in eight months, not just Ray.

And if there's one thing he knows, you can’t just leave the crew without consequence.

☾ ☽

They have a timeline. It goes like this.

At age 27, on March 16th, Michael takes a job for a man named Geoff Ramsey. He does what’s expected of him, doesn’t ask questions and goes back to his apartment to find Ray waiting for him. It’s fine, they’re fine.

At age 27, on June 3rd, Michael takes another job from Geoff Ramsey- his seventh? Eighth? He hasn’t kept count- but this time Ray joins him. They do what’s expected of them, they don’t ask questions; but while Ray’s waiting for him in his Adder, Geoff asks him a question. “Are you and that Brownman kid fucking? No sweat off my back if you are, just curious.” The question sticks with him so much, that Michael can’t sleep that night.

At age 28, on November 5th, Ray jumps off a roof after being chased by the lspd and breaks his ankle. He calls Michael- Michael who is halfway through a Mario Party game with Gavin and his girlfriends’ Lindsay and Meg; Michael who is slightly drunk and not at all in the right state to be driving- who rushes to meet him, catching his friend curled up in a dumpster with wet tear tracks drying on his face and an ankle that’s turning purple.

At age 28, on December 25th, Michael has six presents hidden in his bedroom closet, all for Ray. A new bong, two tickets to a Blink 182 concert, keys to a new motorcycle, a new pair of shoes, a snickers bar and grey beanie.

At age 28, on December 26th, Michael gets four presents from Ray. An engraved pocket knife, blue hair dye, a pair of socks and keys to a Volatus helicopter.

At age 28, on January 1st, Michael kisses Gavin when the countdown hits zero and everyone laughs. Everyone except Ray.

At age 28, on January 3rd, Michael corners Ray at the penthouse and asks him- no- demands- to know why he’s ignoring him. Ray tells him that he's not but then proceeds to bolt from the penthouse, leaving Michael doubting the truth of his words.

At age 28, on January 7th, Michael realises he’s an idiot.

Michael’s learnt Ray- a side effect of spending so much time together- so Michael knows, clear as day, that Ray is angry with him.

He just doesn't know why.

Watching Ray now- spine riged and shoulders tense- cursing at the coffee machine, it's obviously a situation he’s not going to be able to get out of with just a quick apology. He sighs lowly and moves quickly, leaning against the counter- staring at Ray’s back.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

Ray sighs, something so defeated and spins to face Michael. Eye contact makes it worse, makes a low level of guilt settle in his stomach because of the hurt- pure, unhideable hurt- on Ray’s face cuts at him. He doesn’t know if Ray understands that Michael can read his so well, he doesn’t know if Ray thinks he’s still hiding his emotions, but he’s not.

He opens his mouth to say something, whether it’s too apologise or just to ask again what he's done to cause this, when Gavin’s bedroom door swings open.

The golden boy doesn't notice the thick smog of tension suffocating them, either out of obliviousness or ignorance, so he doesn't linger. But Michael’s fast- quick-witted and observant- so he can't help but notice the way Ray’s eyes harden when he catches sight of Gavin; the way his mouth falls open ever so slightly.

A tell, pointing directly at the source of his upset.

Oh.

Ray seems to realise that Michael understands in that moment too, eye contact breaking and fingernails digging into the skin of his palms. Michael wants to stop him, lest he draw blood and end up hurting himself, but he doesn’t dare touch Ray.

“Can we not- can we just not do this, Michael?” He whispers brokenly and Michael- the man known for his bravery- runs.

He nods slowly, takes a few steps back and then rushes to the front door- doing his best to avoid looking at the destroyed expression he knows is on Ray’s face.

So yeah, it takes haphazard love admission for Michael to run. He leaves and he doesn't come back, because love in this business is a death sentence and Michael’s not sure he could do that. Get attached, halve his soul and give part of it to Ray, only to watch it get destroyed when the inevitable happens- when Ray leaves… Or... when Ray dies.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn to months; phone calls go unanswered and messages get ignored. The silence cuts at him, just enough for him to realise what he’s done- what he's invertedly lost.

He doesn't go back, because it's been to long and he’s missed his chance with Ray- messed up the life he had and could have had. He can't go back- because you don't just leave the crew by choice. He can't go back- because you don't just break your best friend’s- lovers- crushes- heart and then get to come back and ask for a second chance.

He's out. He stays out. He’s weak. He comes back.

Geoff lowers the gun pointed at him even so slightly, but it’s very obviously still aimed at his chest and Michael knows the threat is still there- unspoken. He knows that Geoff won't hesitate to shoot him if he presents himself as a risk, if he tried to start something inside the small clothing store. If he even so happens to look at either of them wrong, Geoff will shoot, no hesitation- even if they were practically family before he left.

Michael knows he’s not a risk- at least, not to his family, to his crew- but Ray has taken a step back from him and Michael can see that he’s a second away from running. Ray’s afraid of him, and he’d be stupid not to know why. The last time they saw each other, the last time they talked to each other, Ray let slip his feelings and Michael crushed them under his feet on his way out of the penthouse.

The words stuck to the tip of his tongue would be easier to say if Geoff weren’t standing in the room with them. He hadn’t thought this far ahead when he pushed open the glass doors, he hadn’t thought at all really- an action based on a whim that he can’t back out of now. So he doesn’t- instead he stands a little taller, puffs out his chest slightly to give the illusion of confidence and glances at Geoff out of the corner of his eye.

The older man’s a mind reader- Michael’s absolutely sure - because he jerks the gun back up and shakes it at him. “Nah, no way buddy. You’re an idiot if you think I’m leaving you alone with him for even a half a second,” Geoff says. He plants his feet firmly in a stance that tells Michael there’ll be no arguing with him and Michael sighs, looking back at Ray.

He feels like he’s seven again, trying to apologise to his foster-mother for very deliberately starting a fire in the backyard. He feels like he’s ten again, trying to apologise to his teacher for calling her a ‘stupid bitch’ for giving him homework on a Friday. He feels like he’s twenty again, trying to apologise to a Puerto Rican kid in a Taco Bell carpark because he just can’t seem to stop. He can’t seem to just stop provoking those types of situations, the one’s where he knows he’s in the wrong, but his words of apology never come.

Ray takes pity on him, or maybe he’s just trying to end the conversation faster, because he ducks his head slightly and mumbles, “Don’t worry ‘bout it, Michael- I get it.” It’s an out, he’s offering Micael an out- but he can’t help but grit his teeth at such a submissive action. That’s not Ray, that’s nothing like Ray; to give up without a fight, to let Michael get away without retribution for his actions- it’s almost as if he’s talking to a completely different person.

“What?” he spits, something a bit too aggressive for Geoff, who furrows his brow and gives Michael a dark look. So he tries again, removing all trace of harshness from his tone. “What? What is that supposed to mean?” He’s not finished, he shouldn’t be finished; he should tell Ray that this is all on him, that he’s the one to blame for this whole shit storm. He should apologise, he should just do anything really, other than just stand there and stare at his best friend.

But he doesn’t, because Michael doesn’t know how to apologise.

Ray just shrugs, hunching in on himself but he still holds eye contact. “Come on man, don’t- don’t play stupid, yeah? I fucked things up, brought feelings into this- into us - and so I get why you left. Don’t- don’t make me, fuck, please don’t...”

Michael’s stomach drops, and the breath he sucks in sounds harsh even to himself.

Ray’s taking the blame, he’s taking Michael’s fault and putting it on his own shoulders; Michael has the small thought that maybe that’s why he stopped calling, why he stopped messaging- not because he blamed Michael for just leaving, but because he thought Michael blamed him for making them complicated. He opens his mouth- to apologise, to beg for forgiveness, to just get Ray back - but all that comes out is dead air and Ray sinks in on himself, curling up on himself and ducking his head.

“Alright, fuck off Michael- you useless prick. You had your chance, now get out of my sight,” Geoff spits and Michael jerks back, finding himself agreeing with Geoff’s cutthroat words.

He looks down at the floor, mind quickly filling with self-loathing as he realises that he’s doing it again; he’s seven and he’s getting sent back to the group home again because he’s too difficult to look after. He’s ten again, getting a week's suspension for the fifth time already that year. He’s twenty again, bleeding out with a bullet wound because he just doesn’t know when to stop. He doesn’t know when to stop.

He doesn’t know when to stop.

He sucks in a small breath and lets it out through clenched teeth, glancing back up at Ray one last time before he has to leave. His best friend isn’t looking at him, eyes deliberately turned away and Michael hates it.

“This isn’t your fault, Ray.”

The words just slip out without a second thought, and Michael catches sight of Ray’s head snapping up so he can meet his eyes. But Michael’s already pushing his way out of the clothing store, heartbeat pounding in his chest because it might not have been an apology, it might not have been what Ray needed.

But it was a start.

It’s two days later when his phone buzzes from its place on his night stand, that he realises just how much he missed this. Just how much he missed Ray- missed talking to him, missed being with him, missed knowing him. It's a simple text, nothing more than a basic ‘hey’ - but it means the world to Michael. He just sits there for a while, reading and re-reading the one-word text again and again, trying to convince himself that it’s real. They’ve got to talk, that’s why Ray is texting him of course, but Michael just needs a moment first- before things get heavy. He sucks in a breath and shoots back a quick, ‘hey’ in return.

He needs things to go back to how they were- no, he needs things to get better. He doesn’t want Ray to hide from him, he doesn’t want to run from the people he cares about- he wants. He just wants.

From brownNERD

‘Uh, I’ve missed you,’

Michael doesn’t know how Ray can just throw himself out there so easily, as if he still trusts Michael. God knows he couldn’t do that, but Ray’s always been just a bit better than him at everything, so it shouldn’t really surprise him that much. He swallows down his own unease and quickly types out his reply, fingers shaking.

To brownNERD

‘I’ve missed you too.’

Don’t leave the conversation dead, Michael tries to tell himself, don’t force this onto Ray; don’t make him have to keep this alive - but he can’t and he grits his teeth. He can’t keep it going, because everything he want’s to say is too much. He wants to apologise, he wants to tell Ray just how much he misses them falling asleep together, he wants to tell Ray just how much he loves him and how much that scares him- but the words stick to his tongue and he can’t.

He’s stuck in his own emotional incompetence and it’s aggravating.

From brownNERD

‘So, ah, what did you mean?’

‘Like, when you said it wasn’t my fault?’

‘Of course it’s my fault, Michael,'

‘You don’t have to lie to me,

He’s dialing Ray’s phone number before he even realises it, and when the line clicks over and he knows Ray’s listening, time just seems to stop. Because he can hear Ray breathing through the phone, can picture him so clearly sitting in his apartment, in the penthouse, waiting for Michael to talk- and it’s definitely Michael who has to speak first, he called, he talks.

“It’s not your fault,” he whispers and Ray’s breath hitches audibly. “It’s not your fault. It's mine? Cause I’m an idiot? You know that right?” He poses it like a question, but he’s not waiting for an answer. Ray tries though, a small, “Michael-” slips past his lips but he effectively cuts him off. He’s gotta get it out, he can’t just keep giving up- he has to stop.

“I am, it’s not a question. I-I’m an idiot and I’m so s-sor- fuck. Look, I left- I ran, because I can’t- I can’t, shit. But you need to understand, that this isn’t on you, it’s on me,” he says, words tumbling out in a rush and Michael’s not even sure if Ray can understand him. His heart is pounding, because this is it? This is all he can muster for an apology? He grits his teeth, wishing he could do better; wishing he could be better. Be something that Ray deserves, be someone that Ray deserves- instead of what he is now, an emotionally constipated criminal that can’t tell his best friend he loves him.

“Michael, Michael stop- you can’t, you can’t take all the blame, yeah? I fell for, uh, I complicated things, and you don’t do complicated, so I should have known better,” Ray replies, just as rushed and just as panicked as Michael. He’d laugh, in any other moment, at how ridiculous they sound- trying to convince the other that they’re not to blame- but right now Michael can’t do anything but squeeze his eyes shut and argue back.

“No, I can- I can, I swear. I can do complicated, we were doing complicated, right? I wasn’t imagining it? We were doing complicated long before we even realised it ourselves. It just, scared me? To realise, so explicitly, what we were becoming. It scared me and I ran, leaving you alone- but I won't do it again. Fuck, never again,” he swears, and Ray’s quiet on the other side of the phone. He doesn’t answer, and Michael’s stomach drops. He can’t stand the silence, so he tries again, words a lot more hesitant this time.

“Ah… I just, I fucked up. I made you think, for eight months, that this was all on you- all because I was too afraid to call you. So yeah… this is my fault, I should just- I should just go.” He lets his words sit for a second, waiting for something from Ray; whether it’s angry yelling or a cold dismissal, he just wants any sort of reaction. But Ray stays quiet and Michael sighs, pulling his phone away from his ear and hanging up the call.

Now that Ray knows, now that Ray realises that it’s Michael’s fault- he doesn’t want to deal with him, not that Michael blames him. It’s just a bit to hard to stomach the idea, to know for sure that nothing is salvageable between the two of them and so Michael turns off his phone, discarding it into the top drawer of his bedside table. He rolls over, tugging the sheets over his head and presses his face into his pillow, trying to block out the world.

He still hasn’t apologised.

Something rouses Michael awake at 4:49am, and he just lays there, staring at the ceiling above him. He’s going to be useless today, he can just see it- the heavy fog of depression settling over him so early in the morning. There’s a small amount of light filling the room, and he blinks his eyes a few times to adjust to the change, but he doesn’t have the energy to climb out of bed and fix the curtains. He wants to go back, back in time to when they were simpler, back to when Michael could pull Ray into his arms without questioning if they were something.

He sucks in a shaky breath and deliberately ignores the sound of footsteps shuffling around his apartment. He’s got nothing worth stealing here, everything he owns is at the penthouse- which he hasn’t been to in eight months- and if they’re there to kill him, then he’ll get a few good hits before he goes down. He rolls over onto his side the same moment his bedroom door opens, and squeezes his eyes shut. He waits for the press of a knife or the click of a gun, but all he gets in return are fingers touching gently against his face and the sight of Ray when he opens his eyes.

Part of him wonders if maybe he’s just hallucinating since Ray shouldn’t be there in front of him, Ray shouldn’t want anything to do with him- but he’s there, he’s real and Michael’s heart starts pounding in his chest. Ray moves slowly, hands pressing against Michael’s shoulders to push him backwards until there’s enough room for him to slide in underneath the bedsheets and press his body up against Michael’s. It’s an instant reaction, the second Ray relaxes against him, that Michael’s arms encircle him and pull him tight against his chest.

And then he realises what he’s done.

He’s about to let go, about to apologise for touching him like they used to, but Ray presses his face into the hollow of Michael’s neck and his grip involuntarily tightens. They lie there for a while, neither of them daring to utter a single word and Michael relishes the feeling of having Ray in his arms. He tried to commit the feeling to memory, so that if he never gets the opportunity to have this again, at least he has something.

He feels Ray shift against him, pulling back ever so slightly so that they’re face to face and Michael glances down at him, hands resting in the hollow of his spine.

“You scared the shit out of me, Michael,” he mumbles and Michael opens his mouth to try and apologise, again and again till Ray knows how much he means it- till the words don’t seem real anymore. But Ray reaches up between them and presses a finger to his lips, effectively quieting him and Michael’s not sure if he’d be able to anyway. But it’s not his turn to talk, so he’ll keep his mouth shut and just listen, he can do that, he can do that for Ray. “You left, and I thought I’d never get to see you again. I told myself that I could handle a bit of rejection, that I would bounce back and we’d move on- and it would be fine. But then you didn’t come back, week after week you were gone and I thought, fuck I’ve ruined us.”

“I was afraid,” he whispers back, and Ray meets his gaze. “I was afraid that I’d missed my chance with you, I was afraid to come back and find that you’d moved on and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, cause it would be my own fault.”

Ray shakes his head, a slow deliberate movement and mutters, “You broke my nose, remember? I was fourteen and trying to steal shit so I could pawn it for money, so my dad could pay some bills. You broke my nose and yet I still fucking fell in lo-” he cuts himself off and Michael feels the way Ray tenses in his arms. Love. He was going to say love. “I still fucking… didn’t leave...” he finishes lamely, and Michael can’t help but squeeze his eyes shut.

He remembers that day, watching the fear flicker over Ray’s face before he desperately tried to hide it behind false bravado. He remembers being so angry that someone was trying to take something of his, when he barely had anything to begin with. He remembers the pop sound that echoed throughout the alley after he dislocated Ray’s shoulder and the pained scream that followed after.

“Yeah, I remember,” he mumbles, because how could he forget.

“And then I shot you.”

That one's a bit harder, mind fuzzy from the blood loss. He knows they argued, he know’s they tossed insults at each other like they were playing a game of tennis. And he knows that he went too far, cause that’s what he always does.

“Yeah.”

“My dad told me, before he died, that if you ever wanted to kill someone quickly, shoot for their femoral artery. He showed me where to hit.” He pushes himself up onto his elbows, catching Michael’s eyes with a serious look and says, “I knew how to kill you, I could have killed you, but I looked at you and I thought, four years. It had been four years since I last saw you, and I wanted to see you again in four years time. And four years after that. I wanted to know why you fought for a shitty backpack so damn hard, I wanted to know why you were at a Taco Bell carpark at 4am, I wanted to know why you didn’t flinch when I pulled my gun on you. And I couldn’t do that if I killed you.”

Michael stares back at him, letting Ray’s words sink in for a moment. “You kept me alive… because my stubborn ass refused to let you think that you intimidated me?”

Ray laughs, shaking his head slowly before lowering himself back down again. “When you put it like that, it sounds stupid- but yeah. That’s exactly why.”

Michael huffs, but on the inside he’s happy that Ray deliberately chose to keep him alive. He’s glad that it wasn’t just a fluke, a lucky miss. “Nah- it’s perfect,” he says, “it suits us.” And the smile Ray offers him in return makes his heart stop beating momentarily. Something must show on his face, something a bit more tender- something that resembles just how much Michael loves him- because in the next moment Ray is tugging his face down until their lips meet and then Michael sees stars.

He doesn’t waste a second, hands gripping Ray’s waist so tight he’s afraid he might leave bruises. He pulls him in close, until they’re chest to chest and he can feel Ray’s heart pounding beneath him- and he kisses the boy back for all he’s worth. It’s like being kissed by lightning, and Michael can’t help but enjoy the burn. It’s everything he wanted it to be, it’s everything he imagined it to be and he doesn’t want to stop. He doesn’t want to stop.

Ray pulls back with a gasp, and when Michael tries to dip in for another kiss, he laughs, tilting his head away slightly. “C’mon man, need to breathe,” he mutters and without a word, Michael just shifts his attention to Ray’s jawline- peppering little kisses across it’s length. He has Ray right where he wants him, and he’d be damned if he’s going to let him go just yet. Ray, for the most part, seems content to be littered with little kisses and he lets out a soft sigh. “You’ll come back to the p-penthouse with me, yeah?” he asks, “G-Geoff will get over himself, he can’t stay mad forever- and I know everyone else misses you. Come back, yeah?”

Michael pauses his onslaught, pulling back just enough to catch Ray’s gaze with a sigh. “I left,” he says and Ray nods.

“Yeah, you did. But that doesn’t mean you can’t come back.”

“Geoff almost tried to kill me the last time he saw me,” he argues and Ray snorts, shaking his head.

“He was just being pissy cause he thought you broke my heart- you know good old daddy Geoff.” Michael watches Ray’s hands drift upwards, until the come to rest on his chest, fingers rubbing small circles into his skin. “We’ll go back, I’ll tell Geoff that were-” he pauses and Michael’s not going to let him out of this one so easy.

“That were dating. That I love you.”

Ray’s breath hitches the same moment Michael’s anxiety spikes, but he ignores it, because this has been a long time coming. It takes Ray a few moments to respond, but when he does it's with a wide grin. “Yeah. I’ll tell Geoff that were dating and that you love me. But I’ll also make sure to tell him that I love y-you too- because I do. I love you, Michael.”

Michael doesn’t answer, instead he just leans in quickly and captures Ray’s mouth in a kiss. He kisses Ray until he feels light headed, he kisses him until they have to pull away lest the pass out, he kisses Ray with everything he’s got, because he can . And when they do pull back, Ray’s lips are pink and puffy, and he looks completely ruined- and it’s everything Michael’s dreamed it to be.

But he still hasn’t apologised. And he needs to fix that.

He offers Ray a small, hesitant smile and rests their foreheads together, watching Ray closely as he whispers, “Hey- I need to, I have to say something, yeah? I can’t- I suck at this sort of thing. Never was able to, never could quite take responsibility for my actions growing up. But I need to-” he sucks in a breath- “I need to say I’m s-sorry, yeah? These last eight months, I put you through hell cause- cause I freaked out, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I swear I’ll never do that to you again.”

Ray smiles back softly, hands moving to frame Michael’s face. “I’m sure the last eight months were just as bad for you, as they were for me, Michael,” he says, and Michael nods, albeit a bit awkwardly with Ray’s hands holding him. “But thank you. Yeah, I-I accept your apology. And just know, that if you do fuck up again, Geoff will be coming for you with a shotgun next time.”

Michael laughs, something loud and carefree- and it doesn’t take long before Ray joins in too, both of them giggling messes, wrapped around each other on Michael’s bed. It’s so much better than before, because now Michael can press kisses into the curve of Ray’s neck and he can run his hands underneath Ray’s shirt. It’s so much better than before, and Michael doesn’t know why he needed eight months to realise it.

#raychael #mine

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