#[i cant stop laughing omfg]
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im crying kook exposing his tiktok is so kook behavior like
#HES SO#I cant stop laughing omfg#he’s so funny I CANT#the way half of us wouldn’t even have known if he hadn’t said anything#like 😭😭#he’s so silly I adore him#kook and silly belong together#coco’s koo <3
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HUASDFBNUSDHFBJ NDFUHBN
if you MUST know, 90 is four-twenty-ten
quatre vingt dix
can i use a calculator on the ap french exam
this mother fucker trying to solve french
#french = math confirmed !!!!!!!!!!#anyway HELP AMPHI YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY#i love you#im blowing you back a kiss#this is so f=dfhgfndfghnfghjn PLEASE#i cant stop laughing omfg#you know exactly why i'm tagging you in this bestie#<- I LOVE YOU OAISUHDJNKASDUHJBD
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bro got sentenced to air jail 😭😭
#docm77#i coulf not stop laughing omfg#BRO JOES ENTIRE ARGUMENT JUST CALLING DOC A BIG BABY#I WAS FUCKING DYING HOLY SHIT#i cant get over the fact that joe decided to create an entire segment for beef not baby proofing his prank 😭😭#joe hills#zombie cleo#hermitcraft#hermitblr#hermitcraft season 10#hc s10#zombiecleo#hermitcraft fanart
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OOH MY GOD THE NEW COOKBOOK PAGES HAVE ME LAUGHING MY ASS OFF GOOD LOORODD
THE PEAAAAA
#I CANT TAKE IT#I STARTED CRYING WHILE LOOKING AT THE HOTDOG SECTION#I was on call and good gosh we couldn't stop laughing#TOO FUNNY OMFG#welcome home#welcome home show#welcome home arg#welcome home puppet show#welcome home website#welcome home update
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here's the thing right. i think misha and clonesha would first get to know each other. go on at least 2 dates, favourite colour, where did you grow up kinda dates. and then they'd go back to Misha's place and it's intimate and cute and they don't fuck. they make love. they're IN love. they are one. they marry 3 days later in vegas.
jackles and cloneackles??? they FUCK like BEASTS. dirty bathroom stall at some sketchy bar or abandoned gas station, HAIR PULLING, TEETH SINKING INTO BARE AND THIN SKIN, choking!!!!! bordering on a hatefuck. leaving jackles with a sloppy leaky hole. they never see each other again.
#SJONNIE I LOVE YOU I HAVE NO WORDS NOTHING TO ADD I'VE JUST BEEN STARING AT THIS OMFG DUDE.#I CANT STOP CRY LAUGHING I HAVE NO CONTROL I CAN RESPOND TO THIS IN ANY WAY THAT MATTERS#mdni#like pls look away
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*same whisper, now cups his face and looking both confused and in awe of him* You don't lie.
*feathers shiver*
No.... really.... what....? I don't want to leave you while you're like this... *makes a face, that sounding extremely cringe*
*sitting in the dark against a wall, struggling for breath*
*bloody and barely awake, muttering to himself as his signals get weaker and weaker*
*starting to pass out again*
@archfallen-ramiel-adramelech
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yeah. that's it. theyre the team for me.
#literally the exact same feelings i had watching roma-milan yesterday LMFAOOOAHDKSHD#also i cant stop cackling at klopp pulling his hamstring celebrating omfg#anyway prem fans dont k!ll me teehee#it took me half an hour to figure out how to watch the match and i missed the first two goals.#sorry i'll go sit back in my serie a corner now#napoli drawing to salernitana i have to laugh🤭#but inter beat lazio ugh fuck u lazio we couldve had it all#anyway im just rambling atp so ill stop#my demons
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the universe is mean as hell but at least its fucking funny
(cw for christian end-times conversion bullshit under the readmore)
#tonight has been ! bad ! and my brain was not a great place to be for most of it bc iiiiits been getting worse. again. so#i went on a walk to clear my head and Stop thinking of being dead but ! lo and fucking behold !#its okay ill be fine i promise#but i was laughing the whole fucking way home#i always take down or wreck shit like this when i see it out+about ((also saw a fucking inf//owars sticker that was too cold to peel off so#i had to take my keys to it until it was unrecognizable)) but when i saw the front of this one i was just like ''oh gross'' and tore it off#but i uhh. wasnt rly expecting that top sentence lmfao#started fuvking cackling like a madman in the street#for context if yr reading this and don't know already/cant tell:#im a xtian cult survivor. this is conservative xtian apocalyptic propaganda shit. im furious this exists but holy shit its fuckin hilarious#reading ''hey pal u ready to die?? god lovehates yr guts'' when yr just trying not to think abt how ready to die u are... fucken incredible#i covered up the url on the bottom + im not gonna show the front ((its fucking awful tho omfg. yhe fuckign flag+white house are on there??#wild lmfao)) bc i dont need their right-wing apocalypse-fearmongering bullshit to get any more web traffic#plus its not like this shit isnt dimeadozen further south/out west. its just been a hot minute since ive seen anyth this edgy-guilt-trippy#in this state. figures. out in the yeehaw-ass back half of mass.#anyway. i hate it here lmao#im more ok now too i promise#walked back home once my phone died + forced myself to eat food+drink water; now im back in bed and texting someone to stay out of my head#i think i might actually go out w better stickers+a knife+some nailpolish remover sometime in the next few days before im headed back home#take down some bullshit and. oooh... think i might put up one of my ''transsexuals have got to get meaner'' sweatermuppet stickers:>#hmmmmm. yeah#cw cult mention#tw christianity#cw bible quotes#cw christianity#tw suicidality#<- just in case.#anyway. i love yall. be careful with yrselves#and if you see bullshit like this please take it down. its trying to funnel people into disgusting right-wing rabbitholes. its dangerous.#bee speaks
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'happy' for the wip word game <33
send me a word & if it’s in my wip document i'll answer your ask with the sentence that it appears in
#ik u already sent a new word bc i was like 'omfg wait. they aren't happy here' bc most of the fic i've written so far Isn't happy#but i wanted to post this anyways bc i cant stop laughing. i rlly was like happy? happiness? whats that????#asks#rae tag
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Sweet Spot
Summary: You get a promotion at work, so Joel dresses you up and takes you out for dinner but you're hungry for somethin else
Warnings: no use of y/n, smut with the tiniest sliver of plot, established relationship, fingering, fingering in public, rough sex, oral (m receiving), spitting, a bit of choking, daddy kink ofc, degradation,
w/c: 9k (omfg) of pwp :)
a/n: I don't loveee this one but I've been sitting on it for three months and I can't get the image of freshly showered Joel out of my mind so. Here we are. Also the daddy kink as taken over, I cant stop and I'm NOT sorry!! Pls let me know what you guys think, your comments and love are the only things keeping me going. (also also, if you're someone who likes making edits for pics PLS message me I am desperate and really bad at making them)
my masterlist
Joel is in the driveway leaning over the hood of his truck when you pull up to the house, fiddling with whatever new project he decided to start this afternoon. You’re able to catch a quick glimpse of his shirt riding up a bit, exposing an inch or two of the skin of his back before he hears your car and turns around.
You pull into the driveway next to his truck and hop out as soon as you’re in park. The warm sound of Joel’s laughter fills the air as you squeal excitedly, running around the front of your car and into his outstretched arms. He pulls you close into him, his black t-shirt hot from the sun has he squeezes you tightly. He smells like motor oil and sweat and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t get you going just a little bit.
“M’guessing it went well?” Joel asks when he pulls back, chuckling as he watches you bounce up and down on your toes.
You’d been working on this presentation for your job for two weeks now, spending hours smoothing out every minor detail, giving mock presentations to Joel and staying up late worrying about how it’ll go.
“Everyone loved it, Joel!” you nearly shout.
“And guess what?” you ask, not giving him any time to respond. “I got promoted!” you squeal.
Joel’s chest is about to burst with pride.
“M’so proud of you, angel. You worked so hard for it.” Joel tells you, his voice soft and sincere as he holds you against him.
“We need to get in the shower,” Joel says, turning away from you to lower the hood of his truck. “I’m taking you out.”
—-----------
You sit on the edge of the bed with your towel wrapped around your waist, waiting patiently for Joel to return from the closet. It's no surprise when he returns with a bundle of black fabric – in his hands is his favorite thing you own: the lacey black 3 piece set and the thigh high stockings to match.
He has a wide smile, his eyes sparkling with affection as he looks at you. With a soft smile in return, you drop your towel allowing it to pool on the bed around you as you expose yourself completely for him.
“You’re so pretty, baby”
Your ears perk up at the slight strain in his voice. You look down and grin, the outline of his half-hard cock clear as day under his black boxer briefs.
“We’re never gonna make it to the restaurant” you laugh and move to stand up for him, despite wishing he would just give in right now and fuck you until you couldn’t see straight.
But he just shakes his head with a chuckle as he takes your place, sitting on the edge of the bed with you standing between his knees.
“Yes we will, angel. And we’ll play when we get back, give you whatever you want…if you’re good” Joel promises, easily reading your mind.
You huff dramatically as he picks out the garter belt from the pile and holds it up to you. He doesn’t say anything, just braces himself when you reach out and grip his shoulder for balance as you lift up one leg.
He bends over, holding the belt open so that you can step with one foot and then the other. He then straightens back up, pulling the fabric up your legs as he does so. Heat pools in your tummy when you look down at him and see his brows knitted together in serious concentration as he dresses you.
He does this all the time. The routine is committed to muscle memory at this point.
It’s not that he cares about what you wear, he couldn’t give two shits as long as you’re comfortable. But the power in deciding what you’re going to wear underneath, or if you’re going to wear anything at all, gives him a rush. And he’s positively obsessed with being the one to dress you up in it, says it’s like “wrapping his own present that he gets to rip open later”.
Goosebumps erupt all over your skin under his warm fingers. You feel so beautiful in these moments, with Joel so focused on your body inches away from his face, his eyes wide and his cock hard just at the mere sight of your exposed skin and the excitement of seeing you in whatever he picks out for you.
He settles the belt around your waist, making sure all the edges are untucked and lying flat before reaching for the thong and repeating the process.
“So fucking, pretty” Joel mumbles as he smooths the lace over your hips, adjusting the elastic so it stretches perfectly over your skin. Then he’s spinning you around so until you’re facing the other away, your ass on full display for him. He can’t help but press a kiss to your cheek before straightening out the back of your thong, his mouth watering at the sight of the thin strip of fabric disappearing in between your cheeks.
Mindlessly, he reaches around to your front and slips his hand between your thighs. The tips of his fingers just barely brush over the lace of your thong but he can feel the heat of your swollen pussy underneath.
He sighs and wraps his other arm around your waist and pulls you back into him until his cheek is squished against your lower back, his scruff scratching lightly against your sensitive skin. His fingers keep dancing over you with minimal pressure behind his touch.
“Joel,” you whimper quietly, already getting all worked up from his minimal teasing. He just shushes you and presses another warm kiss to the back of your hip. After a couple more seconds of light brushes he slips his middle finger into the side of your thong to find your entrance and immediately sinks it inside of you.
You yelp in surprise, and reflexively try to take a step away from him, but he’s got you tight in his grip.
“Just wanna feel you, baby” Joel mumbles against your skin, his beard tickling you and making the muscles in your lower back twitch. He closes his eyes, fully focused on feeling your wet walls flutter gently around his finger. His brow furrows and his mouth drops open slightly when he hears your quiet whimper, the sweet sound going straight to his already painfully hard cock.
He doesn’t even mean to tease you most of the time. Sure, he loves seeing you get all worked up just from a few gentle touches and he adores watching you fall apart underneath him, collapsing into a begging mess for him before he’s even really done anything. But most of the time it’s a genuine need to touch you. It’s like he needs to have physical contact with your body at all times, serving as a reminder that you’re real, you’re here and you’re all his.
He slides his finger out a few seconds later, much to your disappointment. But before you can complain, he spins you back around and stares you in the eyes as brings his finger up in front of you and gently pushes it between your parted lips. You allow him without any hesitation, and he watches you in awe as you lick and suck his finger clean of your arousal, his jaw slack and eyes dark and wide.
“Ain’t it sweet, angel?” Joel asks, breathless with amusement and lust.
You nod and he grins before slowly sliding his finger out of your mouth.
“S’a good girl, baby” Joel comments as he reaches for one of the thigh high stockings. His praise wraps around your heart and melts into your veins, just his simple words making you feel warm and floaty.
You watch him as he bunches up the stocking at the foot, holding it open for you to step in before pulling it up your leg. He smooths out the lace edge and makes sure that it’s even all around your thigh before he fastens the clips of the garter belt to the top of the stocking. He does the same thing with your other leg before turning you around again and fastening the clips in the back.
Joel turns you around so you’re facing him again and then presses a kiss to the top of each thigh.
“Fuckin’ perfect” he sighs as he leans back and admires his work.
You blush under his gaze, his eyes burning holes in your skin as he stares hungrily. He stands up after a few moments and reaches for the matching bralette, helping you slip it over your shoulders before fastening the clasps in the back.
He looks down at you and tries to resist the urge to touch you again but he can’t keep himself away. And the small moan you let out when he brings both his thumbs up to brush over your nipples through the lace has him nearly giving in right then and there.
You look up at him with pleading eyes, silently telling him that you’re not going to be good for much longer if he keeps this up. He stares back at you and thinks about pushing you, letting you act like a bad girl before fucking some sense into you. But he decides he wants to show you off first.
“Go get dressed, baby” Joel instructs gently with a smile. “Pick something nice for me.”
—
You decide on a black dress, one that clings to all the right places while just barely concealing the tops of your stockings and the clips holding them in place. You finish getting ready in the bathroom, and when you walk back out to the bedroom, you nearly collapse at the sight in front of you.
Joel is standing in front of the floor-length mirror with his back turned to you. He’s wearing a simple outfit: black trousers with a black button down to match. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone and your mouth waters at the exposed skin of his thick neck and broad chest.
It’s almost unfair how good he looks with his hair pushed back just slightly, the damp locks just starting to curl into their usual pattern as they air dry. Your heart races at the thought of tangling your fingers into the ones laying at the nape of his neck. His eyes meet yours in the mirror and he smirks as he finishes rolling up his sleeves until they rest perfectly at his elbows.
He then reaches for his rings – the ones you got for him as part of his birthday present earlier this year, the small gold bands that you insisted would look good on him – and picks them up from where they’re sitting on the dresser. And clearly you were right because when he turns to face you, you almost moan out loud watching him slide a ring down one pinky and then the other. He crosses the room towards you, your knees trembling as he shamelessly rakes his eyes up and down your figure.
“Stunning” Joel whispers, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. His hands easily find your hips and he gently turns you around so you’re facing the mirror, your back pressed into his warm, broad chest.
“I love you, angel. And I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, you know that right?” Joel asks as he wraps both arms around your waist and hooks his chin over your shoulder.
“Yes, Joel, I know. I love you too” you giggle, easily flustered at his praise.
“M’serious, baby. So proud of how hard you work, how dedicated you are” Joel starts, moving to nuzzle his face against your neck. “How smart you are” Joel continues, his lips brushing delicately over your sensitive skin. You melt so easily underneath him, relaxing into the soft glide of his warm palms up and down your sides as he whispers sweet words of praise into your neck.
“And I bet you looked fuckin’ sexy doing it too” Joel growls, his hands tightening on your hip. You let out a mixture between a sniffle and laugh and then feel Joel’s lips curve into a smile against your neck. He presses a kiss behind your ear and straightens back up and turns you around to face him.
Joel’s heart turns to liquid when you look up at him through watery lashes with a wide smile. He smiles down at you and brings a hand up to wipe away your tears with the pad of his thumb before placing a sweet kiss on your forehead.
“Now let’s get goin’. I think my good girl deserves to be spoiled.”
—
Joel was back to teasing you as soon got in his truck and continued to do so the whole ride to the restaurant. He kept one hand on the wheel, using the other to slide up and down your thigh, occasionally fiddling with your garter straps or just brushing the lace edge of your thong with his fingertips.
And now you’re seated at a table in a dark corner of the dimly lit restaurant, and you can barely think straight. Joel had spoiled you with the most expensive champagne, far more appetizers than two people could possibly eat and a main course of delectable pasta on a plate bigger than your head. And of course, he looked devilishly handsome the whole night, and he knows it too, smirking and looking at you like he’s about to pounce across the table and devour you. Now you sat there with a full belly, but you were still hungry for revenge.
“What’d your coworkers say? When they saw you got promoted” Joel asks as he pours you both another glass of champagne. You furrow your brows at his question, so far away from even thinking of that whole situation at work and so turned on that you almost completely forgot about the reason why you’re even here right now.
You look up at his face, forcing yourself to peel your eyes away from the muscles bulging underneath his shirt as he sets the bottle back down. He has that knowing look in his eyes when you find them, his signature smirk thinly veiled with a sweet smile.
Without even trying to answer his question, you slide down slightly in your chair. He watches curiously as you shift in your seat for a few seconds. Just as he opens his mouth to ask you what you’re doing, your warm foot presses against the crotch of his pants.
He freezes in place. His hand visibly tightens around the stem of his champagne glass, and you can see the muscles in his jaw twitching. You fully expect him to push your foot back to the ground, but he doesn’t. Instead, he just leans back in his chair and spreads his knees giving you more room to work. He tilts his head and stares at you, a smirk creeping up on his lips when he sees the devious twinkle in your eye.
You look back with a smirk to match and experimentally wiggle your toes against him. Your heart pounds in your chest when he narrows his eyes at you and slowly moves his hand beneath the tablecloth. You stop wiggling your toes when he wraps his hand around your ankle, the heat radiating from his palm to your skin like a hot iron through the thin material of your stocking.
“Think about it, angel” he warns quietly. There’s a brief pause, where you pretend to weigh the risks and rewards, trying to decide whether to be good or bad. But your mind was made up before you even left the house.
After a few seconds, you smirk back at him and press the ball of your stockinged foot against him. Joel chuckles and leans back in his chair again, watching you amusedly. He doesn't move, barely even flinches when you press a little harder against him and it’s infuriating. It's completely unfair how he’s able to literally bring you to your knees with a single touch but remains completely composed when you touch him.
But what you don’t see is his heart hammering in his chest or the sweat starting to prickle the back of his neck. Truthfully, he had been just as turned on as you this whole time. Actually, he could feel the heat stirring the second that you told him about your promotion.
He was barely able to hold back when he was picking out your lingerie for the night. He had to take a break in the closet, leaning against the dresser as he took a couple of deep breaths to try and calm himself down.
And when he started dressing you, he could’ve come right there in his boxers at the sight of the garter belt sliding up your waist. Then the ride over here, the smell of your perfume mixing perfectly with his cologne in the cab of his truck, his head going fuzzy at the scent that seeped into the fabric of his seats, a reminder of you that’ll stick around for a few days.
And now with your foot covered in the delicate mesh of the stockings that he dressed you in pressing deliciously against his aching cock, he’s rapidly losing his self-control.
But Joel is just as stubborn as you, not willing to give in so easily.
So, he bites his tongue and suppresses any noise and tenses his muscles trying not to flinch. Because seeing you get frustrated like this was just turning him on even more. He’s about to say something but you see the waiter coming up behind him and immediately move your foot back to the floor and sit up straight.
Joel exhales heavily, releasing all the tension he was holding. He doesn’t even hear what the waiter says, too busy admiring the flustered look on your face and the slight shake in your voice as you talk to the waiter.
The waiter leaves after a few moments and you face Joel again with a mix between a pout and a glare.
“What was the plan there?” Joel asks, cocking his head to the side in mock curiosity while he secretly prays that his voice doesn’t crack.
You don’t respond, just keep glaring at him as you shove your foot back into the shoe.
“You were being so good, what happened?” Joel presses, each word drenched with sarcastic concern. He watches delightedly as you huff and cross your arms over your chest.
“S’okay, baby” Joel says, his voice dropping half an octave. Your stomach flutters with excitement.
This is exactly how Joel starts off every proposition and you can’t wait to see what he wants you to do next.
Joel pauses and looks at you with an evil glint in his eye. You should’ve seen this coming from miles away. But it still slaps you in the face when he says it.
“I want you to slip a hand under that pretty dress and touch yourself. Right here, right now.” Joel says so quietly that you barely hear him.
Your breath gets caught around the lump in your throat and Joel just smiles at you.
“Go on, baby. Since you’re so needy and set on bein’ bad” Joel encourages after a few seconds of you not moving. “Or we can get the paddle out when we get home?”
The threat of paddle was more than enough.
You glance around to see if anyone can see you like this. No one was sitting near you though, the booth you’re in provides a decent amount of privacy and all direct lines of sight to you are clear. With a gulp and shift down in your seat again and your pussy throbs, pathetically turned on as you slide your hand under the tablecloth and up your dress. You move slowly to slide two fingers into the side of your thong, just like Joel did an hour earlier.
It’s no shock how wet you are, the lace of your thong absolutely soaked, your whole cunt swollen and slick with it. Your eyes flit up to Joel’s and he gives you a small, encouraging nod.
“You’re soaked for me, aren’t you angel?” Joel asks. His voice is so calm and steady that you almost stop and get up to walk over to his side of the table and strangle him. You’re so turned on you can barely breathe, and you’re pissed at him for it. It’s maddening how he has you so needy and desperate for him that you’re willing to touch yourself in publicwhile he just watches.
You give into your temptations easily, working quickly to soothe the aching need that spreads across every single inch of your skin. You glance around again, making sure no one is looking before you ease your middle finger into your dripping entrance, your eyelashes fluttering a bit as you curl your fingers and press up against your g-spot.
Joel’s head is swimming as he watches you finger yourself right there in front of him in this restaurant. Any moment someone will pinch him and tell him to wake the fuck up because there’s no way in hell that this actually happening.
His head is foggy, turned on just as much as you are. His cock strains in his pants, tingles rushing down his spine as he stares at you, biting your lip, your eyes barely open and your eyebrows drawing together as you try to hold back soft moans.
He wants more.
“Faster.”
You snap your eyes open and look at him as if to ask if you heard him correctly. The look he gives you tells you that you absolutely did.
Well, you’re not gonna say no to that.
Your teeth sink deeper into your lip as you heed his orders and start pumping your finger faster. You’re painfully aware of any sounds you make, whether it’s a moan clawing its way up your throat or the slick sounds of your finger gliding through your folds, you try your best to keep it down.
Joel of course isn’t any help.
“Don’t be too loud, baby.” Joel whispers before taking a large swig of champagne. “Wouldn’t want ya to embarrass yourself”
You shoot daggers at him over the dinner table, but you don’t slow down. And now he’s stumped because does he punish you for being bad, playing footsies under the table with him and fingering yourself in public or should he praise you for being a good girl and listening to him.
“Baby,” Joel starts, his voice tight in his throat. “Show me, I want to see.”
To his surprise, you obey easily enough and slide your finger out from under your dress. You bring your hand out from under the tablecloth to present to Joel. His adam’s apple bob in his throat, swallowing thickly at the sight of your middle finger absolutely coated in your wetness, some of it glistening on your palm as well. He nearly loses it when you spread your fingers apart, thin strings of your arousal stretching between your digits.
“Fuck” Joel hisses. There’s a tingle of delight in your stomach as you watch him shift in his chair, finally starting to visibly crack.
He doesn’t say anything else, just reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket to grab his wallet. He hastily pulls out more than enough cash and nearly slams it on the table before standing up.
“C’mon” Joel commands firmly, extending his hand out to you. You blink at him, not moving a muscle otherwise. You don’t know why, something innate inside you when you’re around him, but even when you're inches away from an orgasm you still find room to be bratty.
“And what if I wanted dessert?”
Joel’s jaw clenches as he grinds his teeth together, the tendons in his neck pressing against his skin and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop the smirk forming on your face
“Angel,” Joel huffs. “Get up right now and I’ll give you anything you want.”
That’s all it takes. Joel shakes his head when you immediately grab his hand and pull yourself to stand up.
“Such a fuckin’ brat” Joel mumbles as he wraps an arm around you, pulling you into his side. He practically drags you out of the restaurant, his grip tight on your waist and your heels clicking on the asphalt as you trot next to him to keep up with his long strides as he speeds back to the truck.
Ever the gentleman, he opens the passenger door for you, keeping his eyes glued to your body as you climb inside. With you safely inside, he slams the door shut, the sound of your heavy breathing fills the otherwise silent cab of the truck as you watch him walk over to the driver’s side.
You wait a few moments to see if he’ll say anything, but he just stares straight ahead, the muscles in his jaw flexing subtly like he’s chewing over what he’s going to say next as he shoves the key into the ignition.
He backs out of the parking spot and leaves the parking lot without saying a single word. Meanwhile, you’re a mess sitting next to him,
You manage to keep your mouth shut for one whole minute.
“I was just following your instructions” you mumble, crossing your arms over your chest with an exaggerated pout. His jaw shifts to the side but he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even look at you.
You sigh dramatically and glance sideways at him to see if he’s looking. But he keeps staring straight ahead. There’s a small part of you that realizes that this is probably all part of his grand plan to drive you up the wall, work you up until you can’t take it anymore. But there’s a much larger part of you that desperately wants his attention.
“And isn’t this my treat anyway? Shouldn’t I be getting what I want?” you press, dipping into dangerous territory just to try and get a reaction out of him.
Still nothing.
The thought of slipping your hand under your dress again crosses your mind, but his earlier threat of the paddle quickly extinguishes it.
All you can do is sit there with a pout etched into your face and ride the rest of the home in silence.
You’re about to explode when he pulls into the driveway. He slides out of his seat and strides over to your side and opens the door. The fire in his eyes burns fiercely as you take your sweet time climbing out. He slams the door shut behind you as soon as you’re out and turns on his heel and quickly makes his way to the door. You groan and actually stamp your foot in frustration. It’s just not fair.
You stomp towards the door, arms still crossed over your chest.
“You said you’d give me anything I want” you call after him, recalling his words from earlier as you make your way inside.
You barely make it through the door before he’s pushing you against it, using his whole body to keep you pinned in place. Your breath catches in your throat and your knees weaken instantly, all of your resolve immediately crumbling around your feet.
He has one hand on your waist while he braces himself with the other one on the wall next to your head. His face is inches from yours and you can smell the sweet champagne on his breath and the cologne on his skin. His eyes flit from yours to your lips, his pupils blown so wide that there’s just a sliver of brown around them
“I said if you were good” he hisses, his voice dangerously low. “What you pulled back there? That was bad, baby. Real bad.”
“You’re the one who told me to finger my-”
Joel’s hand flies from your waist to your throat, his broad palm pressing against your windpipe while he squeezes either side of your neck with his thumb and fingers. Heat surges down your spine and settles in your lower abdomen, your aching sex throbbing pathetically in response.
“Don’t you try to fuckin’ spin this on me, sweetheart” Joel snarls.
Maybe he meant to strike fear in you, maybe try to teach you a lesson. But it’s exactly what you want. Joel knows it too – you can tell by the slight smirk that tugs at the corner of his lips in response to your small, breathless gasp.
“Was just trying to be nice to you” he starts, his voice so low at the point you doubt you’d be able to hear him from any further away. “Try to take you out to a nice restaurant to celebrate and that’s how you repay me? Playin’ with me like that under the table and then actin’ like a spoiled brat all the way home?”
You both know he’s playing up his part. These were all minor infractions at best. Both of you knew that. You had been in this position for much, much worse behavior. But Joel isn’t dumb, and he’s well aware of what you want - to be tossed around a little, roughened up and broken down until you’re a squirming mess. And who is he to deny you of that?
You chew on your lip before muttering a small “M’sorry daddy”
Joel’s eyes narrow even more, the hand on your throat tightening slightly as your carefully chosen words have the exact intended effects on him.
“No, you ain’t” Joel growls. “But you will be. Get on your fuckin’ knees.”
He drops the hand from your throat and takes a step back. You exhale the breath you were holding, and you stare at him as his hands fall to his belt. Just the thought of having him in your mouth has you nearly drooling.
But you’re not done yet.
“No” you say plainly, crossing your arms over your chest once again.
Joel’s hands freeze on his belt, his eyes burning holes into you as you stare right back, not moving an inch from where you’re standing.
He raises one eyebrow slightly as if to say I hope I didn’t hear what I just heard but you remain silent and motionless. After a few long moments of complete silence, Joel chuckles softly, his hands falling to his sides in defeat. He gives you one more look and then shakes his head before turning around and heading towards the bedroom.
You’re about to call after him, ask him where he’s going, but his earlier threat of the paddle floats through your mind once again. That has you panicking nearly instantly.
You watch in disbelief as he disappears up the stairs. Your legs feel as though they’re stuck in wet concrete, and it takes a few seconds to coordinate your mind and body to get you to move. You scamper after him, a cold sweat tingling on the back of your neck as you head towards the bedroom.
He’s sitting on the edge of the bed when you walk in, in the middle of untying his shoes. You stand in front of him, arms behind your back and patiently wait for him to toe his shoes off.
He kicks them to the side then looks up at you with a heavy sigh, like your behavior is causing him physical pain. You offer him a meek smile as he rests his palms behind him on the mattress and leans back, his eyes raking over your body as he does so.
He doesn’t say anything, which you take as an invitation.
You move to climb into his lap. He doesn’t reprimand you, but he doesn’t move to hold you either.
You sit on your knees, your legs straddling his. You can feel him through his pants and your soaked panties, still hard as diamonds. That’s a good sign at least.
“M’sorry, daddy” you say again, much more sincerely this time. You bring your hands up to fiddle with the collar of his shirt, avoiding his eyes as you wait for a response that never comes.
“Just wanted to play” you confess quietly. Joel still doesn't say anything, but his eyes follow your hands as you start toying with the buttons of his shirt.
“And you just looked so handsome tonight” you continue, undoing the first button. You wait again. Still no response.
“Thank you for taking me out” you say as you undo the next button.
“And for dressing me up”
Another button.
“Making me feel so beautiful”
And another.
You undo the last button then push away both sides so that his whole torso is on display for you. You stare for a second, fixated on the steady rise and fall of his broad chest, the soft curve of his tummy, and the trail of hair disappearing under the waistband of his pants.
He remains silent still as you place your hands on his abdomen and slowly slide them up to his shoulders before crossing your arms behind his neck. Finally, you drag your eyes up and look at him through your lashes. His gaze is soft and much warmer than you were expecting.
“Promise I’ll be good.” you say, barely above a whisper.
He gives you a half smile and brings a hand up to cup your cheek, his thumb rubbing across your bottom lip.
“You want daddy to make you feel good? Want me to fuck you til you fuckin’ stupid” Joel asks, tilting his head to the side acting like he doesn’t know the answer.
You nod vigorously and poke your tongue out to lick at the tip of his thumb, just for good measure.
“Thought so” Joel says as he pushes his thumb past your lips. You suck on it eagerly and let him press down on your tongue, your clit twitching with desperate need.
“Then why don’t you show daddy how sorry you are, and I might reconsider gettin’ the paddle out.”
You immediately pull off his thumb and sink to your knees without any further instruction. You reach for his belt, deft fingers unbuckling the belt that you’ve undone so many times before, his button and zipper following soon after.
He stops you there and moves to stand up. You sit back on your knees with your hands on your thighs and watch as he quickly shucks off his shirt, tossing it somewhere behind him. You chew on your lip as he pulls down the waistband of his pants and boxers, his cock bobbing heavily as he steps out of them.
Your completely transfixed by it, the veins running along the length, the redden head and the drops of precum leaking from the slit. You don’t even realize you’re staring until he slides a finger under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him.
“Turn around” he instructs simply.
You have no reason to disobey at this point, so you do as you’re told, turning in the small space between Joel’s leg and the edge of the bed. He takes another step forward, backing you up into the side of the mattress.
“S’this what you wanted, baby?” he coos as he wraps a hand around himself.
“Yes, daddy. Always want it” you respond. You look up at him through your lashes, batting them for added effect.
“Yeah, I know you do” he rasps, taking another small step forward. He rests the head of his cock on your bottom lip, smearing precum. You dart your tongue out to lick it up.
He drags the tip of his cock from your lips to your cheek, smearing more precum on your skin and giving you a few light smacks for good measure.
It’s degrading, and should be humiliating, but it just makes your head spin, the fire in your stomach rapidly growing as you open your mouth for him, giving him silent permission to use you however he pleases.
He groans softly as he pushes past your lips, sinking into the wet heat of your mouth. He’s only halfway in when you gag around him, tears already pricking at your waterline.
“Oh, you know you can take it deeper than that, angel”
He places both hands on the back of your head, gently forcing you down the rest of his length. You let him, focusing on breathing through your nose as rolls his hips forward until he’s buried in your throat. You gag again once he’s all the way in, but he keeps your head in place, holding you there for a few more seconds, groaning as your throat convulses around him
“Yeah, that’s it, baby. Got that throat fuckin’ trained”
He pulls out, allows you to take a gulp of air before he’s shoving back in again. His hips quickly settle into a steady rhythm, his cock nudging the back of your throat with every thrust. You brace yourself with one hand on his thigh and you can feel the muscles working under your palm.
“Spoiled little brat just needed daddy to fuck her throat, huh?”
You hum around him in response, reveling in the feeling of his cock twitching against your tongue. He continues to fuck your face, completely unconcerned with the tears rolling down your cheeks and the spit leaking out of the corners of your mouth. He moves one hand from your head to your throat, his palm splaying across your windpipe. He tightens his grip just slightly, pushing against the bulge of his head buried deep in your throat.
“Fuck, baby,” he groans, thrusting in all the way and staying there. “Love feelin’ myself in that tight little throat”
The fire in your tummy burns with blinding heat at his praise. A dull ache starts to settle in your jaw as salvia slides down your chin and neck, more hot tears spilling over your lash line as you squeeze your eyes shut and try your best not to gag.
“Take it so well” Joel pants as he starts to rock his hips again. “Fuckin’ made to take my cock.”
The lack of air already has you feeling dizzy, and his words are only adding to the feeling. He’s not wrong –with him fucking your face like this, a strong hand on your head and the other wrapped firmly around your throat, it feels like your sole purpose in life is to please him, to be a toy he can use to make himself feel good. And you fucking love it.
After one more strong thrust, he pulls out of your mouth completely. His cock is dripping with your saliva, a string of it connecting his head to your swollen lips.
“Look at you” Joel coos. You look up at him through wet lashes.
“Bein’ so good for me.”
He moves his hand on your throat to your cheek, cupping your jaw as he wipes some of the tears away with his thumb. He then rubs it over your wet, glossy lips, and you already know what he wants next.
“Open” he commands gently, his thumb tugging down on your bottom lip.
You obey immediately, your jaw hanging open and a smile pulls at the corner of your lips. You watch hungrily as he gathers the salvia in his mouth before he bends down slightly. He lets it drip into your awaiting mouth and you hum happily as the liquid hits your tongue.
“Good fuckin’ girl” he rasps before spitting again, this time with more force. A small moan finds its way out of you as you keep your mouth open and let the warm liquid pool on your tongue until he gives you further directions.
“Swallow it.”
You do so happily, and he hums in approval before standing up straight again. He grabs his cock and guides it to your lips again. He allows you to take one deep breath before he’s pushing in again, his fingers now digging into your jaw, his other hand back on your head as he guides your movements.
“Such a slut for it, aren’t ya?”
You nod the best you can with his cock filling your mouth. He holds you steady, giving a few well-measured thrusts down your throat before pulling out again, leaving you coughing mess below him. He looks at you lovingly as you gasp and try to catch your breath, your lips cherry red, matching the color of the rims of your eyes.
“Doin’ okay?” he asks, voice soft and gentle.
You nod again and give him a dazed smile before wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.
“Good girl. Now stand up.”
Joel reaches out to hold your arm as you pull yourself to stand on weak legs, your knees tight and sore from kneeling on the floor. But you couldn’t care less.
He uses both hands to hike up the hem of your dress, making quick work of lifting it up and over your head. He quickly discards it to a forgotten corner of the room before planting a wide, calloused palm square on your chest and pushing you down onto the mattress.
You land on flat on your back against plush mattress, your legs dangling off the edge. Joel reaches for a pillow, and you lift your head so he can slide it underneath. Your skin buzzes as you watch him take his place, standing at the edge of the bed between your legs.
“So fucking pretty” Joel mutters as he smooths a hand down your front from the hollow of your throat to the tops of your thighs, leaving goosebumps in his wake. He plucks at one of the black satin garter straps, letting it snap against your skin. It barely stings and you giggle and wiggle your hips in pure excitement.
Your hungry eyes rake down his body before settling on his cock again, shiny from your spit as it bobs heavily between his legs.
He starts working on undoing the clasps of the straps without preamble, letting you know that he’s not in the mood to take things slow, which you appreciate greatly.
He has all four straps undone in a matter of seconds and tugs at the belt. You lift your hips, helping him to slide it down your hips and legs. The speed and carelessness he exerts as he pulls the fabric off your body is a stark contrast from how concentrated he was while dressing you in it just a few hours ago.
With the belt out the way, he cups your pussy in his hand. The heel of his hand presses against your swollen clit through the delicate fabric of your thong, his fingers pressing firmly against the damp spot that’s been there since before you left the house.
You whine, a high-pitched sound from the back of your throat. Joels eyes flick up from between your legs to your face, a wicked smirk curling on his lips.
“Such a needy little pussy” he says darkly, pressing his hand further against your core. You roll your hips up and grind against his hand, chasing after the friction you’ve been craving all evening.
But he immediately removes his hand and gives you firm smack instead. You yelp at the sensation, your clit tingling and pulsing.
“Wanna hear you beg for it.”
He drags his fingertips along on the edges of your panties, his touch featherlight and torturously slow. There’s a small part of you that wants to say no, that wants to argue with him, push him further, just to see what would happen.
But you’re 10 levels above desperate for his touch.
“Please daddy, w-want it so bad”
Joel clicks his tongue and lands another light slap to your clothed pussy. You bite back another yelp and will your hips to stay still.
“You know you can do better than that. Try again, tell daddy exactly what you want”
You squeeze your eyes shut, well beyond frustrated at this point. You suck in a deep, steadying breath and exhale is slowly before opening your eyes again to meet his gaze. His eyes are dark, and his jaw is tight as he looks back at you.
“Want you to fuck me, want you so deep inside me that I can barely breathe, want you to be rough with me, make sure I can feel it for days, please daddy please. I promise I’ll be good, just – please I ne-”
You cut yourself off when Joel digs his fingers into the lace of your thong, the sound of tearing fabric hitting your ears as he rips it off of you.
“Joel!” you shout, sitting up on your elbows to look at him.
He doesn't say anything, just grabs your hips and pulls you closer to the edge of the bed. But you’re still stuck on the fact that he just casually ripped off your panties like that.
“Thought those were your favorite pair” you mumble, looking at the discarded fabric sitting on the bed.
“Shut up” Joel grunts as he wraps a hand around the base of his cock, steadying himself and lining up at your dripping entrance. “I’ll buy you more.”
You’re about to say something back, but he slides in before as soon as you open your mouth, effectively taking your breath away.
The stretch of his thick cock inside you as he sinks in all the way in one smooth motion is enough to wipe your brain clean.
He stays still once he’s inside, his tip kissing your cervix. He curses under his breath as your walls spasm around him, already milking him for all that he’s worth.
“Always so fuckin’ tight for me. Perfect little pussy.”
You let him maneuver you into position, one of his hands cupping the back of your knee, lifting your leg up to rest on his shoulder, both of you sighing as the angle pushes him just a bit deeper. He brings your other leg up but keeps it pinned to the bed with a strong hand on your thigh, leaving you spread open just for him.
Without warning, he draws his hips back, sliding nearly all the way out before slamming back in.
You cry out, your hands scrambling for purchase on the duvet. You’ve taken him countless times before. But he’s big. And no matter how wet or turned on you are, without opening you up first on his fingers, your walls are aching and tingling as he forces your body to mold to his.
And it’s exactly what you asked for.
He grinds his pelvis against your clit, his cock bumping into a spot that’s impossibly deep inside of you. You jolt at the sensation and reflexively try to scoot up the bed, your already overwhelmed body trying to get away from the intense feeling.
“Oh, don’t run from it now” Joel growls, grabbing one of your hips and forcing you back down on his cock. “Begged for it all night, so I’m gonna fuckin’ give it to ya”
“S-so much daddy, you’re so– oh fuck. You’re so fucking big” You whimper pathetically, your hands gripping the duvet so tight that your nails are digging into your palms even through the barrier of the fabric.
“I know it’s a lot, angel. But you can take it,” Joel pants. “Can’t you?”
You nod lazily against the pillow as he pulls out again.
“What’s your safeword” he asks, the head of his cock resting just a few inches inside of you, providing you with enough relief to answer.
“Red” you whine.
“Good girl. Do you wanna use it?”
You immediately shake your head
“No.”
“That’s my girl” Joel growls before slamming back in again, knocking the air straight out of your lungs. Your back arches with the feeling as he quickly builds up his pace.
He fucks into you like it’s his last day on earth, fast and rough, just like you begged for. Just like he knows you need. Your whole body feels electrified while moans tumble freely past your lips, your eyes rolling back into your head.
With your eyes closed, you don’t see it, but you do feel Joel’s lips pressing against your ankle that’s resting on his shoulder, lips warm and wet through the sheer fabric of the stocking that he never took off.
“Little pussy is takin’ me so well, angel” Joel mumbles against your ankle “Feel so good wrapped around me, squeezing me like that”
He starts a trail of kisses from your ankle to your knee, his hips not faltering in pace, not even once. The last of the stinging ache melts away as your walls stretch to fully accommodate him. He has an iron grip on your ankle, and his fingers on his other hand dig into the meat of your thigh, creating small purple marks under the smooth skin. The hot coil in your stomach is starting to tighten as you moan incessantly. And of course, Joel notices.
“Get those tits out, angel.”
You whimper underneath him and try your best to follow his instructions. Your arms feel like cinder blocks as you unclench your fists from the duvet and move your hands to your chest. You grab the cups of your bralette and tug them down, letting your breast spill out over the tops.
Joel gives you a few words of praise that you can’t fully process. You already feel delirious, his cock quickly turning you into a useless, needy puddle underneath him.
“Play with ‘em for me.”
You do as your told and cup your breasts, one in each hand before gently tweaking your nipples with your thumb and forefinger. Joel gives you more indistinguishable praise as you let your eyes slip closed again, completely surrendering to the pleasure coursing through your veins.
The hand that Joel has wrapped around your ankle slides down to the back of your thigh, pushing on your leg and forcing your knee into your chest and sending his cock even deeper.
“Ohhh, daddy shit fuckfuckfuckk” you whine as the head of his cock nudges against the spot that only he has ever found over and over again, the same spot he finds every single time.
“There ya go” he whispers as you start to squirm underneath him, your jaw slack and your walls fluttering around him. “You gonna cum, pretty girl? Gonna make a mess on daddy’s cock?”
You nod vigorously but you already know he wants more than that.
“Want–” you try to start, but Joel’s hand landing on your clit steals your breath, a loud moan coming out instead.
“C’mon, baby. Keep goin” Joel urges breathlessly, two of his fingers rubbing tight circles on your clit. “Sound so pretty when you beg. Look at me while you do it.”
You groan and open your eyes again to meet his gaze. His chest is heaving with every breath, muscles flexing deliciously as he fucks you with everything that he has, pounding you further and further into the mattress.
“Please let me cum daddy, M’so close –ah oh my god please let me cum please please please let me.”
“You can cum, angel. Keep those eyes on me and show me how pretty you look when you cum on this cock”
It’s only a few more seconds of him pummeling into you and his fingers drawing expert circles on your clit to send you over the edge.
You lock eyes with him and let out a long, loud moan as your orgasm starts to rip through you, your whole body trembling with pure, white hot bliss. He fucks you through it, on the heels of his own release as you shake underneath him, your warm, wet walls rhythmically clenching and fluttering so perfectly around him.
“Gonna make me cum, honey” Joel grits out, his pace getting more and more uneven.
“Inside” you manage to whine, still riding out the last of your orgasm.
“Yeah, baby, I know. Gonna fill you up so good”
One, two, three more thrusts until you feel his cock pulsing as he starts to spill his load deep inside of you with a loud groan from somewhere deep in his chest. He keeps fucking you, pushing his spend deeper and deeper inside of you until he he’s too sensitive to continue. He buries himself in you as deep as he can and stills.
After a few moments, Joel straightens your legs out on the mattress then pulls out of you, moving off of you and flopping down flat on his back next to you with a heavy sigh.
Labored breaths are the only sound in the room as you both come down. You whole body feels like jell-o, all thoughts moving slowly through your syrupy head. You can’t help but giggle next to him, feeling positively euphoric after getting your brains fucked out of your skull.
Joel turns his head to look at you.
“What’re you laughin’ at?” he asks, a smile quickly spreading on his face. He rolls onto his side and props his head up on his hand. He wraps his other arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him, despite you being dead weight right now.
You look up at him, eyes hooded with a lazy smile. You try to think of something to say but all you can manage is another giggle, which makes Joel chuckle too.
“You’re such a goose” he says, leaning down to kiss your forehead.
“Thought I was a spoiled little brat?”
Joel rolls his eyes and rests his cheek on his hand again, his smile still glued to his face.
“Those aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“So, I’m a spoiled little bratty goose?”
“Mhmm.”
You grin and scoot closer into him.
“That sounds like a lot to handle”
You squeal when he pinches your hip.
“Tell me about it,” Joel sighs, lying his head down on the mattress and wrapping his body around yours. You smile like an idiot with your face squished against his chest, fully satisfied once again.
Thank god you got that promotion.
Thank you for reading I love all sm!!!
#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller one shot#joel miller fic#the last of us#tlou fic#joel miller#pedro pascal characters
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Logan girldad headcanons
because he's my baby daddy
Ok so i just can't stop thinking about how girldad logan is!
Like he is just so in love with his girl, he's constantly surrounded (and outnumbered!) by them
Like he's not some insecure middle aged dad
he loves the fact that he's the only man in the house
He’s so overpowered and severely outnumbered by his girlies but that's just the way that he wants it, it makes his heart full
He is his babies first (and only) man
There are definitely things that he doesn't understand though
Like when the girls are young he spends all his time attending tea parties and pretending he is various different careers
He has been a knight, cashier, nail artist, manager, back up dancer, doctor and cook just to name a few things
As the girls get older though he starts to understand it less
He has three of them so there's alot to understand especially as they are in some ways very similar and someways very different
Obviously he is the most present father ever
Like he is so obsessed with his family it's insane
When he had a his first babygirl it was so over for him
And then when the other two turned out to be girls
Omfg he never recovered
But he is just so girl dad i cannot even express it
One of the things is that with all the girls in his house there is a contrast stream of packages coming to the front door
Logan has become well acquainted with the local postmen cause lord knows they are always at his house
He just cant say no to his girls
He tries to be stern about his teenage daughters and wife's spending habits but he's far too soft to really put his foot down
He doesn't view it to be the most important to enforce in the house so he absolutely gets taken advantage of
At some point though he started refusing to get the packages
Like the amount of times he had to drive to the local post office to pick up a parcel because no one answered the door makes him scoff
Has zero idea what's going on his daughter's social lives
Absolutely does not know any of his daughters friends names
Doesn't matter if they've been friends for 12 years he just refers to them all as “honey” so he can bypass the fact that he doesn't know their name
As long as he doesn't hear a boys name in the mix he doesn't care
He doesn't really understand his daughters friends to be honest with you which they are somewhat grateful as they have absolutely branded Logan as a DILF
(and his wife as a MILF as well but he doesn't enjoy thinking about that, no one should be joking about how hot his wife is except for him)
His daughters stopped bringing their friends over because they kept blushing whenever Logan would call them honey
They absolutely beg Logan to be the designated pick up dad whenever they go out
When they are old enough to start going to parties he absolutely gets calls in the middle of the night with a slightly drunk teenager asking for him to come pick them up
He picks up the phone before it can ring for long enough to wake his wife up
On the way home he has a mopey drunk teenager in his front seat
He definitely gives her the silent treatment to show his frustration but it just ends up with his daughter in tears crying wondering if he hates her
Logan had taken to being a parent but having to learn the right tone of voice to use to reassure your drunk teenage daughter that you don't hate her you are just frustrated that you had to get up at two o’clock in the morning to come get her from a silly house party is definitely a new one in his books
It all works out in the end though
Him and his wife laugh as their daughters come downstairs with sunglasses covering their eyes and complaining about a headache
Logan has an amazing time turning the radio up and very firmly placing down her breakfast on the table
Don't even get me started on dating
He is so anti boyfriend it's crazy
He is also anti girlfriend like it doesn't matter the gender they will not be dating his babies
His daughter absolutely go to their mother fist when they begin dating someone
Like she is sworn to secrecy the second the word crush comes out of their mouths because they do not want their dad to know
anyways that's all i have for now!!!!!!!!
i could write about this for hours so so
#mae writes 💞#logan howlett#logan x reader#logan x you#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine x reader#x reader#hugh jackman#hugh jackman x reader#headcanon#logan howlet smut#wolverine headcanons
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Op you can't just put this down and make me laugh my fucking ass off as well
#olympics#tiktok#gun violence#dark humor#Honestly I am also going to hell for this omfg#I cant stop laughing at these comments JFC#BUT ARE THEY WRONG??? NO#NO WE ARE NOT
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GIRL the way I was re-reading your Enzo fics (and literally everything else lol) and ugh pathetic men!!!!! Like all men are pathetic but when they're so pathetic that they can't hide it ughh so fucking delicious!!
So I have a question in what ways do you think each of our boys would be pathetic?
We already know how Enzo is basically. And I do think all of them would get on their knees for us but like what other ways?????
LITERALLY HAVE ME GIGGLING AT WORK BRAINSTORMING FOR THIS
Because the boys being simps?? Omfg yes please.
So we’ve already covered Lorenzo but lets recap. He’s downright the definition of a simp. Won’t stop trying to do everything for you. Major acts of service bro. Carry your bag, do your homework, being you tea in the morning. He will literally tail you all day if he isn’t interrupted. Change his schedule so all his classes line up with yours? Absolutely. He just wants to spend all of his time with you making you love him like he loves you.
Draco will spoil you, naturally. But so extremely that it can become kinda… overbearing. I mean its back to back gifts, receiving a brand new pair of diamond earrings at breakfast only for him to present a matching necklace at dinner. And hes so smug about it because he knows no one else can spoil you like he does. Anytime you mention a certain interest, gifts ensue. He overheard you talking about your favorite band? He just bought you every one of their CD’s and a CD player along with it, because he didn’t know if you had one.
As always, being one of the most levelheaded(and most prideful) of the group, Blaise wouldn’t do anything grand or extravagant. He keeps his patheticness to himself, until he’s on substances, then he’s yapping to anyone who will listen. Blaise will compliment the shit out of uou. He loves to see you blush, and what better way than to constantly remind you how attractive, clever, and funny you are?! He saves this grin just for you, cracks it whenever you laugh, he thinks its just the cutest thing. Shots hate to see Blaise coming, because the second they hit, he will not shut up about how this minuscule thing you did one time 4 months ago was just to silly and cute to not tell someone about.
Theodore, another somewhat levelheaded boy, is not as subtle though. He’s very… openly romantic. Similar to Lorenzo, he wants to spend all day with you, and will try to do any task for you. Say the word and its done. Except, it feels like he’s straight up courting you. Flowers on the regular, so the kind of guy who keeps one just to know when he needs to replace your latest bouquet. Little gifts and romantic gestures. He lowkey tells everyone youre his and eventually everyone starts to assume youre an item, and its just easier to agree than not right??
Dear god Mattheo needs to take a chill pill. Second he has a crush who doesnt want him back?? Fuck. Just decides your his, and will violently beat the daylights out of anyone who dares attempt to flirt with you. Also will get onto you if you flirt with anyone else. Because obviously you cant be cheating on him? The fuck?? Wraps his arm around uou in the hallways, completely ignoring your protests. Little kiss on the forehead when he finally leaves you be, and he relishes the blush you cant hide. So many pictures of you, and im gonna be so reall. So so real with y’all. Hes a fuckin dog. Horny 24/7 if you wear your skirt an inch higher than usual he will notice and he will COMMENT about it. Good intentions, bad execution.
#rot says so#teehee this was so silly and fun#okay back to work on my fics sighh#slytherin boys#slytherin boys fluff#lorenzo berkshire x reader#enzo berkshire x reader#theodore nott x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#draco malfoy x reader#blaise zabini x reader#did i miss anyone?#theo nott x reader
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Bro patrick is def a mocking/degradtion/asshole fn. like im just thinking of him sitting down, manspread, head lazily lulled to the side with that dumbass smirk. He still has his boxers on instructing you, move by move. "go ahead and take off my boxers." And if you did it too hastily he'd make you do it all over again.
He'd tut at you for gagging on his cock when its "not even all the way in"
He laughs at you when youre all teary-eyed with all of his fluids on your face out of breath. "Awe, you're all out of breath? womp womp. Go. deeper."
he'd mock you while youre breathlessly pleading for him to stop hitting that gummy part inside of you over, and over again. "what? you want me to whattt? I didnt hear you." he smirks
"pl..please stop...pa..patrick please.."
"oh! ohhhhh ok. 'Patrick stopppp..Patrick pleaseeee" He laughs. "patrick please stop what? tell me what you want i might stop." He hisses every last pound harder and slower.
"cmon and lick the sweat off my balls." he'd order you after practice, Hands holding his cock back so you wouldnt miss one spot.
omfg we all know pat is a FREAKKKKKKKKK like i ust know he loves that nasty shit. 😵💫😵💫
womp womp LMAOO
love how we're all brought together by the thought of patrick zweig brutalizing our throats <33 just absolutely disrespectful about it - and you can't fault him because you love it just as much, he's not some shitty guy who's shoving your head down when you dont want him too, no, you'd practically choked your own self on his cock the first time you got your mouth around it, he'd just followed your lead - almost always towering over you, or locking your head in with his thick thighs. you like it best when you straddles your chest, balls dancing against your chin as he saws in and out of that throat - ass flexing with the movement. and you'd like to grip it, but you cant arms pinned under his knees. utterly helpless.
the more like a toy you feel - like a fleshlight - just a tight hole to stick his dick - the more slick between the legs you become. its something about feeling useful, something about being so dirty and small that you're reduced to a wet pouch patrick pumps his loads into.
love it when he grunts and grips your hair, the back of your neck, holds you hostage on his dick, until all you smell is the musk of his crotch and the sweat of his pelvis and your brain turns off. feels underwater, like you're worlds away. you dont have to think when you're just a hole.
and when he pulls you back and lifts your face and you eagerly open your mouth to show him all his cum on your tongue and he grins at you, flushed and looking so fucking pleased, you feel like you're high. moan into his mouth when he leans down to kiss you all sloppy and wet, licking his own cum from your mouth with greedy pulls of his tongue.
its messy and gross and demeaning but with the two of you, its love.
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I love how much this is sun wukong
English added by me :)
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ALSO, i would 100% eat up the blurb ab bandmate!by releasing an album with a harry feature🩷🩷
FIRST BLURB OF OUR TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION <333 i really hope you like everything i’ll post this week, as usual let me know your thoughts 💗
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
liked by harrystyles, pillowpersonpp and 653,937 others
yourinstagram countdown till love on tour is over has begun and i’m crying already
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harryfan1 FELT THIS
paulithepsm legend
harryfan2 crazy to think that this tour basically gave him a relationship with THEE harry styles
annetwist ❤️
harrystyles 😢
↳ harryfan3 SAME HARRY SAME
liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 9,927 others
bassrry I MET HARRY AND YN TODAY IN MUNICH !! i told them that they’re like my parents and yn said “well when are the signing the adoptions papers” and harry only laughed and kissed her heard THEY’RE SO IN LOOVEEE
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harryfan1 OMFGGGG
harryfan2 CONGRATS IM SO JELOUS
harryfan3 i love how yn is bold and harry acts shy my fairytale couple
bassrry OH AND ALSO i told yn that i was going to miss her on stage and she said that she was going to miss it too but we might see her on stage again very soon and harry was like “shhh love that’s a secret” THEY DEF HAVE SOMETHING UP THEIR SLEEVES
↳ harryfan1 OMFG
↳ harryfan2 LOVE ON TOUR IS FOREVER
liked by jenniferaniston, yourinstagram and 1,906,827 others
harrystyles Love On Tour. Warsaw. July, 2023.
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harryfan1 BABYYYYYYYYYY
harris_reed Our little canary 💛
yourinstagram i’ll be dreaming about this crowd for the rest of forever
↳ harryfan2 AHH THEY LOVED US
liked by harrystyles, yourinstagram and 209,826 others
fullstopmgmt YN. Welcome to the Full Stop & Erskine family.
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harryfan1 OMG SLAYYY
harryfan2 she’s officially signed as an artist that’s so dope
harryfan3 harry’s first nepo baby
↳ yourinstagram nepo girlfriend so true
harrystyles 🙌🏻
harryfan4 I CANT WAIT TO HEAR HER MUSIC
liked by harrystyles, jennylewis and 826,976 others
yourinstagram WET DREAM. THE DEBUT SINGLE OUT THIS FRIDAY.
RUSH! THE DEBUT ALBUM. OUT SEPTEMBER 25TH.
I CANT BELIEVE I’M TYPING THIS
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harryfan1 OMFGGGGG
jefezoff 🐐
harryfan2 THIS IS SO SLAY
harryfan3 wait does this mean she’s leaving the love band ???
annetwist Congratulations dear ❤️
harrystyles I’m insanely proud, bandmate x
↳ harryfan1 she’s basically harry’s first nepo baby awww
tayrussell 🤍
↳ harryfan2 SLAY
HARRY VIA INSTAGRAM STORIES
//
liked by yourinstagram, sza and 3,927,837 others
harrystyles My bandmate just released her debut single. She’s pretty cool and talented, and she’s also the love of my life. Listen to ‘Wet Dream’ now x
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harryfan1 AHHHHHHH
pillowpersonpp 🥺💕
harryfan2 THE SONG IS SO GOOOOOD
yourinstagram couldn’t have done this without you, boss man. ily 😢
harryfan3 i’ll be streaming yessir
liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 10,027 others
harryupdates HARRY AND YN PERFORMING HER SONG WET DREAM IN LISBON TONIGHT !!
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harryfan1 OMFG
harryfan2 THEY WON SO HARD
harryfan3 MY PARENTS ACTUALLY
harryfan4 IM GOING TO MISS THEM SO MUCH
liked by yourinstagram, jefezoff and 1,822,470 others
harrystyles Love On Tour. Lisbon. July, 2023.
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harryfan1 ONE MORE SHOW IM NOT OKAY
gemmastyles ❤️
harryfan2 DONT LEAVEEEEE
yourinstagram look at us being rockstars together
harryfan3 SOBBING IM SOBBING
liked by damianodvd, harrystyles and 864,308 others
yourinstagram the world of harry styles and LOT ruled and changed mine, and I wanted to take a moment to thank you all from the absolute bottom of my heart. I’m very much having all the complex feels that could ever possibly come with closing this chapter, but I have some weird faith that the next one is going to be incredible, as long as you're by my side @harrystyles. I hope I’ll see you all somewhere out there along the way…we’ll be alright.
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harryfan1 AWEEEE
harryfan2 IM CRYING
harrystyles Thank you for coming into my life, bandmate, and giving me all of those little gay skirts. I love you.
paulithepsm ❤️
harryfan3 I LOVE THEM SO BAD
FANS VIA TWITTER
//
liked by harrystyles, estehaim and 1,002,017 others
yourinstagram RUSH! COVER AND TRACKLIST IS HERE
AHHHH i'm over the moon about this! thank you to everyone who helped my vision come to life, i can't wait for you to hear it
and the rumors are true, we got mr @harrystyles on a track and you're going to love it
OUT SEPTEMBER 25TH
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harryfan1 OMFGGGGG
jefezoff 🙌🏻
harryfan2 HARRY'S FIRST COLLAB EVER IS WITH YN !!!!! HOW ICONIC OMG
mitchrowland Legends.
harryfan3 THIS IS GOING TO BE SOOOO GOOD
harrystyles Thank you for having me x
↳ harryfan4 AHHHHH
liked by yourinstagram, spaceykacey and 6,094,389 others
harrystyles RUSH! is out. I'm beyond proud of everything that you are, and I feel tremendously honored to be part of this @yourinstagram. Listen to the debut album by YN now.
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harryfan1 OMFGGGGGG
pillowpersonpp Congratulations buddies ❤
mtv We're not crying you are
harryfan2 UMM THE RIVER IS THE SONG OF THE YEAR WTFFFF THEIR VOICES SOUND AMAZING TOGETHER
yourinstagram thank you for letting be your first nepo baby. ily
↳ harryfan3 PLEASEEE I LOVE HER
↳ harryfan4 she embraces it
liked by harrystyles, haimtheband and 1,003,389 others
yourinstagram !!!!!! SEE YOU THERE. A LOT OF SURPRISES COMING
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harryfan1 SO ICONIC
haimtheband We're ready 🤘🏻
harryfan2 harry's first ever gig as a solo artist was there too HOW BEAUTIFUL
jefezoff 👀
harryfan3 YALL WHAT IF HARRY SHOWS UP ON STAGE
↳ harryfan4 I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE SAME THING
harrystyles I'll definitely see you there x
↳ harryfan1 HIS ASS IS SO PERFORMING
liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 7,098 others
harryupdates HARRY PERFORMING THE RIVER WITH YN TONIGHT AT THE TROUBADOUR !!
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harryfan1 AHHHH
harryfan2 I WAS THERE IT WAS AMAZING
harryfan3 OH MY FUCKING GOD
harryfan4 i still cant belive harry's first ever and propably only collab was with yn
harryfan5 ROCKSTARS
liked by harrystyles, sabrinacarpenter and 1,012,065 comments
yourinstagram ofc im getting a RUSH! tattoo because this project has changed my life and i can't believe it's the #1 album in the world right now
THANK YOU
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harryfan1 SO HAPPY FOR HER
pillowpersonpp ❤❤
harryfan2 i can say i was here since she flirted with harry on stage
↳ damianodvd same
↳ harryfan3 HEEEELP HI DAMIANO
harrystyles So proud of you, bandmate x
harryfan4 she's going to win a grammy mark my words
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