#[excuse me while I go off to cry]
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Will I ever recover from Xemnas saying to be human must take incredible strength? No. No I will not.
#xemnas#kingdom hearts#kh#ansem and xemnas send offs had me feeling for very different reasons#saying goodbye to ansem and the journey from innocence to adulthood#xemnas acknowledging being a human is hard but how incredibly strong we are to keep going#excuse me while i lie down and cry
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i think all those autism vlogging youtube channels that post distressing videos of their children having meltdowns and intense panic attacks for thousands and thousands of people to see should be deleted and banned off the website and i am not kidding. i don't care what excuse they use whether it's "oh no it's for education purposes! so clearly posting our kids in state of extreme emotional and mental distress is okay 😊" or some other excuse, it's not okay to post your kids in what can be a very vulnerable and embarrassing state to be in for the whole internet to see. don't even come at me with that "they asked for the videos to be posted!" rubbish kids cannot consent to that no matter how intelligent or informed they are about the consequences of those videos going online. children cannot and should not consent to those videos going up and it pisses me off that the blatant exploitation of children and disabled people is still normalised and excused like this. cause that's what it is. it's exploitative of the vulnerable no matter how much it swears it's trying to be educational. 99% of the time the only reason these kinds of videos are online is to get clicks and views and money and it's disgusting.
#they are literally the exploitative family vlogging channels of the autistic community i hate them i hate them#yes this is specifically about the autism family channel#i legit hate that fuckin channel so so so so much#WHY are you posting your children having meltdowns and panic attacks and making their crying faces the fucking thumbnails#don't you fuckin tell me it's for education purposes. you KNOW what you're doing with those titles and thumbnails.#you're looking for people to click because ohhh look it's a disabled person!! and they're in extreme distress!!! how controversial!!!#also another thing that pisses me off is that this often never happens to neurotypical people#(which it shouldn't anyway but that's not the point)#but if people were going around recording their neurotypical kids crying people would be more upset about it#they would go ''hey that's not fucking ok to post your kids crying on youtube don't do that''. as they should#but the MOMENT it's an autistic child and the channel owner makes the typical ''its for education'' excuse#people are suddenly like ''omg i feel so bad for your and your kids thank you for posting this '' yadda yadda yadda#it's the same exact shit as the former it just has a different coat of paint#i refuse to believe anyone who willingly posts their kids in a highly distressed state that should be kept PRIVATE#to the whole fucking internet actually cares about educating people#we have seen this time and time again where kids in emotional distress were posted online#and the people posting them turned out to be exploiting their children for money and clicks#i genuinely believe this is the same exact situation happening here#if you need to film your kids crying for education so badly that should only be kept between you and a medical professional.#not posted on the damn internet while you zoom in on your child's distressed face in the thumbnail.#autistic people are not fucking zoo animals stop treating us like them#autism#autistic#ableism#disability#disability rights#it must be made illegal to post disabled people in states of distress and the consequence is an incredibly hefty fine#and the money goes to the disabled person who was illegally posted online
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I am having the worst three days in a row I could possibly have right now and i just accidentally slept all day so now my sleep is going to be completely fucked yayyyyyy
#me :)#i had like 3 panic attacks last night haha hooray i love being in college#and then i had to emergency apply for a vet care credit card bc i didnt find out how much my cat's teeth cleaning would be and then it was#800 dollars !!!!!!!!!#which i cant ask my parents to pay right now. because they are paying for a new phone for me because mine decided to die last night yippie#and also my stupid fucking dead cousin's death anniversary is coming up i hate that guy so much#and im not going to do anything but ive had such an intense shot of stress all at once that my brain is defaulting back to if any minor#inconvenience happens we should just kill ourself so i keep thinking about throwing myself into traffic. and now i have to pay off a fuckin#800 hundred dollar bill while im trying to save up to be able to move out to my own place with my partner once my lease ends. so its going#pretty good all things considered#collapses in a pile on the floor screaming and crying and vomiting#also i missed my school's free food thing today and i have none of my credit cards right now because i lost them all last weeeeeek and i#cant afford to buy groceries right now! so i dont even get to have food i like#and i missed it because i was asleep all day because i couldnt fall asleep till late last night because i had to distract myself from#thinking about killing myself and then i had to get up at 8 am to take my cat to the vet. and i had to miss one of my three excused labs#this semester#so its awesome. its awesome
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Imagine you have to set up yakumo's enclosure for the next couple months. How do you set it up and what do you put in there?
oh NO.! THE PROPPHECY HAS BEenm FUFILLED
i am standing in my room, leggies rooted to the floor. i am in shock .frozen and i have no idea how to proceed. there is a perpetual pathetically sobbing serpent under my blankie.
#stares at the camera and stage whispers#i can't be responsible for another living creature. i can't. or . er. i can. but I SHOULDN'T#i'll have to suppress every violent urge in my body to keep this thing alive for several months#i CANNOT fling him out the window. i WILL NOT grab his entire face and squeeze. I SHALL NOT chew on his tail.#now i'm reminded of that post where it's a pretty princess cage on the floor and comments go [that aint big enough for a dog]#and OP is all [it's not FOR a dog 😀]#yeah. that's me right now imagining a full grown yakumo in a cage by my bedside#SO FOR EASE OF MY IMAGINATION AND TO increase yaku's chance of surviving these next months#i'm going to try real hard to imagine him exclusively in pocket snake form (scrunches up my face in valiant effort)#his enclosure (crib?!?!) is flanked on all sides by eiden plushies#since yaku is an adult there is a smaller chance of him suffocating on eiden in his sleep. wait. actually#arranges the eiden walls to give some pockets of air. i don't trust him. he WILL suffocate on eiden given the opportunity#he gets one of those tiny dollhouse cooking sets for enrichment LOL#or i'll give him a bunch of those make-your-own gummy kits with elaborate setups and tiny egg gummies#crying yaku is the excuse i need to finally get a humidifier#i can survive not misting myself.. usually... but yaku will cry himself into dehydration. it's misting time#he gets an entire alcove closed off in the corner with his basic needs met. i cannot perceive#he can lurk in privacy as much as he wants. there are at least TWO hot rocks in there with garukaru's faces painted on em#there is a duplicate open-space alcove next to it for when he actually wants something from me LOL#is he a free range snake? can i take him to a bunch of restaurants and shove food into my sleeve for him? he wants to sample the delights..#tempted to put a bell on him just so if he gets loose in the basement i'll know to fish him out#but he's pretty cautious... he won't get into any fatal situations in the house right? ...does he know how to swim?!#at least one day is reserved for testing yaku's swimming capabilities.#he is going into the bathtub while it has a film of water. gonna test his traction. i hope i won't get panic-strangled#asks
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You know what sucks? Realizing I'm not reading as much as I used to and I haven't written anything in 2 weeks. I'm slowly falling out of this fandom and I don't want to!
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Haha…ha. That’s funny 🥹🥹🥲
#excuse me while I go cry#really wonder what calendar and passage of time y’all are working off of………..it’s been a hell of a long week since the last story update /hj#fictif#fictif games#fictif last legacy#fictif ftlog#fictifgames
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I just get it when ppl be like EDs are so competitive cause the whole reason I started falling into that rabbit hole last year was cause it was triggered by someone telling me how skinny they were and my perfectionist, cant stand not being the winner, self decided there is no way ur gonna be skinnier than me and stopped eating ☠️👍
#I would cry in front of my food cause I so desperately wanted to taste the food more but I didn’t let myself ☠️👍#I swear if it’s the right moment and I see or hear someone talking about being skinny I literally will go berserk#that isn’t even the worst of it I’ll keep the worst part for myself ☠️#THE POINT OF ME SAYING THIS IS I SWEAR IF I SEE ONE MORE BMI THING FROM DIFF COUNTRIES ON WHAT SKINNY IS IM GONNA ACTUALLY OFF SOMEONE#😭#the worst part was trying to hide the food from my helicopter mother and I’d have to make excuses and ways to throw out the food without her#noticing#meaning the food would be stored in my room for a while which you know how that would turn out … the smell and stuff#uhhh let’s just say that ed period I had back then has got to be one of the worst things I’ve experienced in my life and I somehow find new#bad things to experience a lot#dora daily#now the side effects of this are super bad like my appetite is gone very quickly like a few bites when I’m starving and#even then I don’t feel skinny enough when I basically don’t eat much anyways#☠️👍#or idk 😭
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i love how in almost every post online we're all collectively begging bill hader to give nohobal the happy ending they both deserve
#despite knowing deep down that it's not happening#not with antony and bill unintentionally confirming that hank dies sometime during this season in that interview about the hank spin-off#excuse me while i go cry in the corner#barry hbo#nohobal#barry season 4 hype
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I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors
#ramblings of a lunatic#i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before#(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust)#so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY)#and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends#cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation#i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries:#anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern)#it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane#i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways#but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month#and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too#and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN#so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning#but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it#I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting)#it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying#anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast#LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)
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I meant the gown rhaenys wears in those two scenes are the same despite being years apart (tho now i'm not sure), not that it's the same alicent or aemma wear. But viserys making all of them wear the same gown sent me 🤣 plot twist, it was alyssa's gown
after i answered that i was like wait…. i dont think thats what they meant 😭 (it IS the same gown btw! you can see the same pattern in the fabric. but in ep 9 rhaenys isnt wearing the robe(?) over it)
PLLEWASEEEE SHFVVDB??? viserys and his insane mommy issues…. he sees alicent in her dead moms dress and is like this isnt doing anything for me…… but you know what Would….?
#vis like will u put on my dead moms lingerie and call me mean names while i cry and jerk off 🥺#aemma would be uncomfortable with it but alicent JUMPS at the excuse to berate her stupid worthless husband#he tells rhaenys hell marry laena if she puts on one of alyssas gowns and lets him watch while she fucks corlys#corlys wouldve gone for it but rhaenys said no :/#i said i was gonna go to bed early tonight and now look at what im doing#asks
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goodness gracious where do i even start. to say i'm obsessed with your portrayals would be SEVERELY understating it. i love to write with you because you give so much voice to your characters and every reply i get from you always, ALWAYS knocks me on my ass. i am so incredibly blessed to have gotten to explore the dynamics we have together, and don't even get me STARTED on the bingo board. (this is turning into a birdie appreciation ask) i just adore you so much!! and i adore your characters and how you write them!!!!!!! xoxo
tell me your honest opinion of my portrayal
head in HANDS. what am i supposed to say to this coma. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY. :( i love you
:( coma what the heck . i am so
#this may be a birdie appreciation post but this is a coma appreciation blog#I love you so so dearly#you’re so CREATIVE AND the sheer talent you have for being able to juggle so many muses and make them all so distinct#for their voices to stand out???#GOSH.#excuse me while i go off and cry im gonna reread this and cry#☺ : inquire within — asks
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as impossible as nearly all of these fight scenes are i'm so glad they let Shah Rukh be unhinged here as a treat. it's what he deserves
#film: pathaan#pathaan#local gay watches Pathaan (and loses their sh*t while doing so).txt#local gay watches Bollywood.txt#i got distracted by a YouTube notification and then spent ten minutes trying catch glimpses of him at someone's wedding irl#another ten minutes crying about how soft he looked and how if i was there and he and Gauri were standing next to me#i would either faint or throw up#and then the last ten minutes were spent listening to Ghungroo and JJS and realizing there are more (intentional?) references to those#in Pathaan. i have no excuse but that's alright we'll keep going#anyway this post was brought to you by my manic pixie dream girl sliding down the blades of a helicopter and landing in a roll#to one knee only to shoot and have perfect aim. my weak ass joints could never but then again i doubt his can either#they are held together by sheer determination and his off-the-chart levels of hotness full stop send tweet
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his birthday means that we are g.ladio posting like hell today
#oh man when i tell you this man is so fine-#i was not prepared for him to have his hair up post-timeskip#s/i has her hair differently as well (and some facial scars too!) but ahem#the ponytail looks really reaaly good on him 😳#ash rambles 💚#ash likes to tie it up for him and give him a kiss on the top of the head while shes at it#they spend almost all of the time during the timeskip together <3 it's not an easy time for them since... you know... everything that#happens in canon- but they are together! lots of quiet moments of holding each other after fighting daemons together like the badass power#couple that they are#oh also. ash has a pet chocobo named sage!#sage is a green chocobo and she's a sweetheart! she loves everyone except for g.ladio-#luckily post timeskip sage can now hang out with g.ladio without wanting to bite him-#g.ladio does get a pretty nasty cut on her arm from sage biting him though. it fades a bit over time + his arms are covered in tattoos but#it's there! sage bit him like that when ash comes back. so okay let's talk f.f13 s/i because i feel like i don't do that enough#she almost dies in altissia. g.ladio watches her get shot and cut up (facial scars!) and fall into the ocean and he's powerless to save her#it's pretty sad. anyways r.avus saves her (the boys have some interesting feelings about that-) and ash comes back eventually. g.ladio#apologizes to sage for not being able to save her. a while later ash comes back and sage is kinda heated- and she also doesn't mind a good#excuse to bite him. she's a good bird! really speedy and energetic! ash rides her around whenever she's not travelling with the guys#which is pretty often tbh. she spends a lot of time off on her own protecting the people from monsters and all that. but she does wear a#glaive uniform after the timeskip. man... her last words to n.octis always make me so sad. just her crying and having a hand over her heart#'thank you n.oct. i'm so happy i met you. you've been an amazing friend and...'#she looks down at the ground#'and it has been an honor to serve you my king.'#yeah. she's a pretty cool s/i! one day i'll go off about f.f13 s/i.. she's comedic relief in the first game and then boom the second game!#she's almost 50 and has a grown ass son and is a totally different person and has some very interesting thoughts about the other characters#anyways. back to g.ladiolus. his hair like that... oh man. it was ash's idea for him to tie it up in the first place and um#ma'am. thank you for your service. he looks so good- many birthday kisses for him#what a guy 😍#i think I might have a crush on him or something LMAO (<- has been in love with him and his gf for a long ass time now)#send (cup) noods tonight 🍜
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GHAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
#not to throw up in the tags of my own posts but miserable rn#new cat who is locked in our room until he gets along with the others clawed up my arm as i was falling asleep#like used it to jump on the bed#and i know he’s just a little guy and all but i was half asleep and it hurt and i screamed and it was like the last straw mentally#i’ve been grasping at straws recently and i hate how it all crumbles down like this so often#sobbing over nothing! on christmas eve too! literally just can’t stop all my stress has bubbled over#i also still have a lot of gifts to make and i’m really embarrassed about that.#idk how time fucked me up this bad this month but i feel like the worst excuse for a person now more than ever#need someone to coddle me and take care of me so bad#like without me asking for something. just out of the kindness of their heart and love for me#have not mentioned yet that i am sick and ill#fever style in my bed crying while trying to get this asshole cat off my nightstand#he says hm i’m gonna go on every surface and be annoying about it#maybe i’m just mad at him bc my favorite cat can’t be in my room and i miss laying and cuddling with him every day#d8 is not nearly enough for the headspace i’m in
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Why does every single time I have to tell my mother I feel too sick to go to school take pieces of my soul away and put them in a blender and shit on them
#I'm sick as fuck#stuffy noise#sore throat#nauseous#exhausted#probably a fever but i left the kitchen before i could check and there is no way in hell I'm going back there now#and I'm like hey mother i feel like I'm dying#and all she does is get super pissed off#and she gets so so so frustrated and mad when i even suggest i miss school#and yes i partially get it#i wanted to skip a lot when i was in middle school and at the beginning of high-school#and she really didn’t like that#but now she treats me like I'm fucking stupid and a terrible person for not dragging my self to school sick#she says all the time that we still have to work and go to school even if we're not feeling good#but the school literally doesn’t want me there if I'm sick#we are given sick days for a reason#but she just fights me and drags me through the mud and makes me feel like a terrible person for wanting to use them#she makes me feel so shitty for not doing things while I'm sick#and i would love to just not even tell her I'm staying home and just call the attendance office myself#but the office doesn't let students excuse themselves even if they're 18#and the desk lady knows my parents so i can't just call and pretend to be my mom#I think talking to my mom makes me even more sick than i already am#anyways now I'm back in bed and trying really hard not to cry#vent post#venting#vent
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Catching up on missed messages and seeing my best friend of 6 years sent me a cute little video of that one Bang Bang! animation meme saying that’s what trying to befriend me in high school felt like
#sobbing#they had it out for me#but like. knowing they deliberately went out of their way to try to be friends with me#when I was a very closed off person who didn’t even like them at first (they know this)#for them to keep worming their way into my life and heart#I’m in tears#I’m feeling so emotional thinking about them#I love them so much#now excuse me while I go cry cuz I’ve started thinking about all the friends I have the privilege of knowing and loving#moose posting#moose rambles
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