#[excuse me while I go off to cry] | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ughscara · 1 year ago

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how i feel sleeping tonight after reading this

a lesson in betrayal.

There had been a new person residing around the village for a while, and Kabukimono had come to learn his name was Escher. He was a mechanic from Fontaine, and apparently, he had come to Tatarasuna to do something with the Mikage Furnace. It seemed that he was helping to make it better and more efficient. The puppet wasn’t too sure of the exact details.

For some reason though, you didn’t like Escher, something he didn’t understand. Kabukimono had even overheard you whispering to Niwa about the mechanic. He wasn’t sure why, the man seemed like a nice guy! The Fontainian would always somehow spot him from afar and try to strike up a conversation. But you would always snatch him away before he could get near. You didn’t like the way he smiled, you said. Although Kabukimono couldn’t quite understand fully, he… did at the same time. Escher had some kind of… eerie aura to him. The puppet couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Regardless, Kabukimono didn’t care too much anyway. The mechanic wasn’t someone he was interested in, and he wanted to respect your wishes. If someone as intelligent as you said to avoid him, then he probably should. So, he didn’t think about Escher for a long time, much more content with enjoying life with you.

But recently, things hadn’t been as nice lately. The furnace was not working as it should be. It was spreading harmful, fatal gas to the area and even killing people. Kabukimono was scared. Seeing his fellow friends and villagers die hurt his sensitive heart terribly, and he didn’t know what to do. You and Niwa were also struggling with the situation. When he asked about any updates, you always forced a smile and held him close to your chest, combing your fingers through his hair and not responding.

Kabukimono knew he had to do something. For Tatarasuna, for his friends, for Niwa, for you.

“I’m going to Inazuma City,” Kabukimono said one day, all of a sudden, surprising you greatly.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I’m going to go to the city,” he repeated, “and talk to my mo-, the Shogun with my golden feather. Maybe she can help us.”

You remained silent for a moment. You knew of the complicated relationship your lover held with the Electro Archon. But you could not bring yourself to stop him. Kabukimono had that look of resolution in his eye, and this was his decision. As his devoted lover, you were in no place to refute him.

“Alright, Kabukimono. Come here then,” the puppet tilted his head curiously before following you to your shared bedroom. You made him sit at the dresser in front of the mirror before taking out the special comb and working through any knots in his hair. He seemed to be confused, but he relaxed at the sensation of your skilled fingers stroking his long hair.

“If you’re going to meet the Shogun, you should prepare. So, practice with me, love. What are you going to say?”

“I’m going to say… please help the people of Tatarasuna. We need your help otherwise the situation will get worse and everyone will…” his voice trailed off. “And I have so many people I care about here, and I don’t want to see anyone else get hurt. So please help.” You patted his head comfortingly.

“Good. You’re doing amazing, love. You can do this,” you whispered, moving your hands up and down his shoulders. You redid his red eyeliner and gave him the cleanest pair of clothing you had just washed, not a single speck of dust to be seen on his white outfit. It was time for him to leave, but you could not help but be reluctant to your lover’s departure. Kabukimono, ever growing more aware of human emotions, noticed and attempted to comfort you by intertwining his fingers with yours.

“Don’t worry about me, [Name]. I’m going to be back soon, and I’ll bring help with me. Everything will be okay,” he clumsily reassured you and squeezed your hands. A slight smile grew on your face as you squeezed back.

“Kabukimono,” you pecked his forehead. “I love you more than anything.” Despite the situation, the puppet could not help but go a bit soft.

“I love you more, [Name],” he responded without hesitation before kissing you on the lips. The kiss felt melancholic somehow, even though you two knew you would see each other again. This was just a few days of separation. You had hope, and so did he. You placed one last kiss on his cheek before you sent him on his way, waving him goodbye.

Little did he know that would be the last time he saw you ever again.

—

When you heard a knock at your door, you jumped up to your feet and nearly sprinted to the door. It had been a few days since your beloved Kabukimono had left for Inazuma City, and you were growing antsy waiting for his return.

What you were not expecting was the Fontainian mechanic to be standing at your doorstep with a smile. Your heart dropped immediately but you forced an uncomfortable smile on your face.

“Escher,” you greeted, trying not to let your emotions show on your face. “What do you need?”

“No pleasantries [Name]? How cruel of you,” he chuckled and you could only fake laugh in response. To be honest, you wanted to keep this conversation as short as possible, for you and Niwa had great suspicions regarding the Fontainian. In fact, you thought he wasn’t from Fontaine at all. But you didn’t want to let him know that now. You were relying on Niwa to deal with that kind of stuff.

“Oh… my apologies. You know, I’ve just been on edge for a few days, with the furnace situation and all.” Escher appeared to smile in… agreement with your statement.

“Ah, I know exactly what you mean. Dreadful situation, really,” he nodded. You felt like he wasn’t being sincere in the slightest. “I’ve come to ask, is it true that puppet has gone to Inazuma City?” You raised an eyebrow at his question.

“Kabukimono,” you repeated his name, “has indeed gone there. He’s trying to seek an audience with the Shogunate to get help for us.” Escher hummed in acknowledgment.

“I see. Niwa said the same thing,” you perked up at the mention of your friend’s name.

“Niwa? You’ve seen him? He’s actually supposed to be meeting me here soon, but I haven’t received any word from him.”

“Oh, you’ll be meeting Niwa shortly. He’s on his way,” Escher replied. Although that seemed like a normal statement, it felt very ominous to you.

“Um… alright. Thanks,” you mumbled hesitantly. “If that’s all…”

“Say, if I may be so intrusive, what do you find interesting about the Shogun’s puppet?” The question caught you off guard.

“Excuse me?”

“Please, do indulge my curiosity. The puppet lacks the ability to understand humans and the world around him, and he does not possess a heart, nor does he have any exceptional qualities. As a researcher, I simply find the relationship intriguing.” You furrowed your eyebrows at his words and resisted the urge to slap him.

“Kabukimono has plenty of wonderful qualities,” you rebuked. “He’s selflessly kind, caring, and helpful to all, even to those who don’t need to deserve it. He may not understand humans to the fullest extent, but he can laugh, smile, and cry with them. He’s trying to be better every day. That’s something most people can’t say.” You don’t know why you were trying so hard to defend Kabukimono and yourself against someone who probably wouldn’t understand a fraction of what you were saying, but you felt the need to do so anyway.

“And for the record, Kabukimono does possess a heart. It may not be physical, but it surely exists. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes,” you declared resolutely. You’ve always believed Kabukimono did not need to fret over not having a heart in his chest. The heart he owned was something far more beautiful, portrayed by his kindness and care for others. But, your seriousness was met with a bout of laughter from Escher. He seemed positively amused, and you instinctively shrunk back since he seemed completely mad.

His laughter suddenly made your body shiver with a horrible feeling, so you quickly tried to slam the door in his face when Escher suddenly moved faster than your eyes and brain could see or comprehend. An overwhelming pain coursed through your body, and when you looked down there was a rapidly growing bloody stain seeping through your clothes, dripping on the floor. Your eyes widened as you stumbled back, falling from the floor as you clutched your severe injury with pain.

“You… damn you… Niwa was right about you,” you struggled to breathe and forced the words out. “What are you… planning?” The smile on “Escher’s” face never seemed to leave as he brushed you off.

“What an interesting response. I found your little love game quite amusing. Really, the idea of a human loving a puppet was entertaining to watch.”

“Wha… what? How dare you?” You seethed despite being on the verge of blacking out from your injuries. “Our love was real. It doesn’t matter if he was human or not. Those things don’t matter when it comes to love. And not everyone wants to use other people, unlike you. Some people,” you scowled and coughed out some blood, “actually care about others regardless of any other factors. And I cared for him, no matter what.” The mechanic’s smile only grew as he chuckled at your response.

“What a beautiful way to see this world. It almost makes me feel a little bit bad… but do not worry. You will be joining Niwa shortly… and your beloved puppet will be left in good hands.”

The last thing your eyes saw was the malicious grin of Escher, but the last thing you saw as your eyes fluttered shut was the beautiful smile of your Kabukimono. In your last moments, you prayed and hoped to whatever would be willing to take pity on you, that Kabukimono would not believe the lies of this man. That he would see that your love for him was always true and that you would never betray him under any circumstances.

Your last wish was left unfulfilled.

—

Meanwhile, Kabukimono came to the conclusion that the Shogunate had turned their backs on Tatarasuna and its people. The feeling was nothing new to the puppet, having been betrayed by his own mother, but it still served as a painful reminder of reality for him. So, the trip was a complete waste of time that only served to cause him more despair, and he had left you alone for no reason. But now, he was back in Tatarasuna. He wondered if you and Niwa had come up with a solution by now.

However, upon his arrival, Kabukimono was greeted by Escher instead. The mechanic, ever smiling, gave him a device that would help him absorb the Tatarigami and save Tatarasuna. The puppet only heard “save Tatarasuna.” If Tatarasuna was safe, then you would be safe and happy. Niwa too. Everyone would be okay, and everything would go back to normal eventually. It would take some time, but the peaceful, slow days he loved to spend with you would soon return. So, with his love for you as his motivation, Kabukimono took the device and headed into the hazardous furnace with hopes of a better future in mind.

—

The process of absorbing the Tatarigami was exhausting for Kabukimono, but he had done it. He felt as if he could barely walk straight after the arduous process. As he stumbled out of the furnace, Escher was waiting for him, who quickly concealed his sick grin at the sight of the puppet.

“It seems as though you have succeeded. How wonderful,” the mechanic seemingly congratulated him. Kabukimono didn’t need his words right now. All he wanted was to go back home to you. You were surely so worried about him right now. He was worried about you too, having been apart from you for a while. But something gnawed at Kabukimono’s curiosity. The device Escher had given him made him feel strange. It had protected him from the dangers of the furnace, yet it was just… odd. The puppet had to question the mechanic as to what was in it before he returned to you.

“This device… what is in it? I think it protected me,” Kabukimono mumbled, fatigue slurring his words. Kabukimono missed the mechanic’s slight psychotic grin at his question, already having his schemes and lies planned out.

“Your dear [Name] volunteered themselves for this. Were it not for them, the purification device would not have worked,” Escher shook with head with faux sadness. Kabukimono instantly froze and ran cold. All the heavy exhaustion and aches that plagued Kabukimono’s body dissipated into nothingness at those few words, replaced by sheer adrenaline fueled by fear.

“What? What do you mean by that?” Kabukimono shot up straight, panic and confusion seeping through him. Escher cracked open the device, and it was then Kabukimono’s body was assaulted with dread. There lay a withered heart. Bile crept up to the puppet’s throat as he staggered back at the horrific sight. Escher continued on as if this was nothing special.

“Indeed, the poor thing,” Kabukimono was too shocked to pick up on the mechanic’s mocking tone, “The device could have worked without the heart, but you would not be able to survive. And so they sacrificed themselves which Niwa and the others agreed to before fleeing. It’s their last gift to you,” Escher lied effortlessly, weaving a false tale for the sake of manipulating the once-innocent puppet further. He knew that the puppet would be too hurt and confused by your death to question him about the validity of his statements. It was his fate to be betrayed, to be used, the disguised Harbinger wanted to drill into him.

Kabukimono opened his mouth and then closed it, and then tried to speak again but no words could come out. Your heart did not even resemble a heart anymore, now black and discolored and no longer beating. Kabukimono could not bring himself to think that was your heart, because your heart would be a beautiful one, a pure one from how wonderful a person you were. And your heart would be in your chest, so he could listen to your heartbeat to fall asleep at night. Surely, something like that could not belong to you? Because that would mean you are… you are… the one word he cannot bring himself to even think of.

“You’re… you’re lying,” the words that leave the puppet’s mouth take a great amount of energy, energy that he wouldn’t have had normally but his concern for you was far deeper than his bodily needs. “You’re lying!” Kabukimono slowly grew more animated from his initial horror. “[Name] is waiting for me. They’re waiting for me at home!” The eccentric could only repeat his words over and over again, for his poor mind could not compose anything else at this moment.

“Oh? If you don’t believe me, you’re free to-” Before Escher could finish his sentence, Kabukimono turned and took off in the opposite direction with speed even he could not have expected. To think that he could work up that much stamina after absorbing all of the filth in the furnace. He was truly a God’s creation.

“Oh my. Perhaps I should have left the body there for him to see too,” the mechanic smiled to himself as he shifted back to his regular form. “The face of what should have been an emotionless puppet after losing everything he holds dear… an interesting experiment indeed.”

—

Kabukimono’s speed rivaled the time he ran when you were hurt. He ran as fast as his puppet joints would take him, ignoring the stinging of his knees from tripping and falling, ignoring all the pain he had just endured from the furnace, and immediately launching himself back up to continue sprinting. He wouldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe it, no, he can’t, for if you are gone, what was the point of this world? You are his light, his everything, his whole world, and perhaps even part of his will to live after his betrayal and trauma. So no, you simply cannot be dead. You still had to be here.

He reassures himself through haggard pants due to overexertion. He’s going to reach your house soon. When he arrives, the view will be beautiful. First, he’ll see you waiting there patiently for him, and then you’ll jump up and wave to him excitedly. He will see the Lavender Melon tree bearing juicy fruits, but you’ll be there to swat his hand away playfully and tell him they’re still not ready yet. He’ll see you take his hand and lead him into the kitchen. The two of you will eat some home-cooked food together, and you’ll kiss his forehead and praise him for how hard-working he was today. Since he was so tired, you��ll take a long, lovely, bath with him, washing away all the fatigue he’s built up in his body. Of course, he’ll do the same for you. Lastly, you two will be cuddling together and tickling each other under the blankets playfully, giggles filling the room, since the situation has been resolved. It will be simply wonderful, Kabukimono thinks. It will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay.

Finally, the puppet makes it to the familiar path leading to your house. His senses do not notice the sight or scent of the smoke yet, far too disconnected from reality at the moment, his thoughts only occupied with you. Again, he thinks it will be okay. Everything will be alright. Then, Kabukimono came to a screeching halt in a matter of seconds.

Your house and everything around it was on fire.

Kabukimono paused to look at it, hues of orange, red, and yellow dancing and engraving themselves into his memories. He stood there, mouth slightly agape. He wanted so badly for this all to be a dream, a hallucination. He didn’t want this to be real. Yet with how badly his senses were assaulted, Kabukimono knew deep down that this was reality. Another blink, and he scrambled from his spot and into the inside of the burning house, completely ignoring the possibility of injury. Ignoring the fact that you were most likely no longer alive.

Everything was up in flames. He noticed everything you had was virtually gone, burnt to crisps. The rooms of the house had become unrecognizable, nothing more than burnt pieces of wood and its decorations now disfigured. Soot began to cover his once pure white clothing, but he paid no mind. Kabukimono rushed into every room of his home anyway, ignoring the licking of flames against his body, trying to distinguish anything that wasn’t ruined. Trying to find you, because he still refused to believe any of this was real. Refusing to believe that the kitchen table was now a pile of scorched wood. Refusing to believe the once soft and fluffy rugs and blankets were now burnt wool. Refusing to believe that the futon was reduced to nothing more than holes. Refusing to believe that now you were nothing more than a… corpse.

Desperation had overtaken the puppet’s incoherent mind. He dug through the piles of burnt furniture and items and wood with his bare hands, ignoring the stinging and burning it did to his fair skin, in hopes that for some reason he would find you there. He trashed the remains even more than they had been damaged by the fire, fueled by sheer anguish and desolation until nothing had been left untouched. He found nothing.

You were… not here… you were… gone. The realization made his knees buckle as he crumpled to the floor in agony. You were truly… dead. Death meant he would never be able to see you again. Death meant none of your smiles, your laughs, your hugs and kisses, and reassurance. Death meant your love was gone. And all of these memories too were nothing but ashes now. Kabukimono’s skin felt like it was on fire. Yet inside, the puppet felt cold. Very cold. A coldness he hadn’t felt since his first betrayal…

This wasn’t just a house. It was his home. He had finally found a home. A home with you. Somewhere he was accepted. Loved. A place where he thought he had a heart. But you…

You betrayed him too, the puppet thought, as he bawled his eyes out, screaming and crying and wailing long after his throat went hoarse, ignoring the raging fires and smoke around him. But you promised him. You promised him so many things. To celebrate many birthdays with him, to teach him new recipes, lots of words, and new traditions and holidays. To marry him. How dare you, how dare you break your promise to him…? Was this all a hoax, a lie? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

For what seemed like ages, that word was the only thing that ran through Kabukimono’s thoughts, staring blankly into space. The tears still fell and stained his cheeks, but the puppet had quelled his sobbing. As he stared mindlessly, images of you flashed through his mind, yet they began to fade away into nothingness. Your laughter faintly rang in his ears, but it soon turned to silence.

Kabukimono could not keep track of how long he sat in the fire. Eventually, he got up and stumbled out of the burning stack of wood, almost like a newborn baby who was learning how to walk. Lost and unsure, needing guiding support from a loved one. Only that you were no longer there to provide that for him.

It was then that Kabukimono realized the truth of this world, leaving behind his “heart” in the ashy remains of his old home.

Love? Love meant nothing but an eternity of deception. It was a lie, he seethed internally. Such worldly filth was what caused his chest to ache so terribly now, and those disgusting and weak tears to fall from his eyes, his throat to be choked up and clogged. Opening himself up to love was the same as opening himself up to torment and betrayal. And therefore, the puppet vowed that day to remove every human emotion from his being. If he did, then maybe one day he could forget about the endless pain your death caused him. With one swift motion, his long hair was no more, instead lying in clumps around his feet.

Kabukimono died with you that day, never to be seen again.

lesson 1. lesson 2. lesson 3. lesson 4. lesson 5. lesson 6. lesson 7. lesson 8. lesson 9. lesson 10. bonus chapter.

#⠀— shared.#smooches. SMOOCHES.#i'm going INSANE. sobbing and crying and evaporating out of existence #this lesson... listen. i am biased af towards a lesson in sadness but this one‚ good lord THIS ONE #the way he cuts himself off when he was about to tell us that he was leaving to see ei #''i'm going to the city‚ and talk to my mo–‚ the shogun.'' UGH.#omfg and the metaphor of him dying by cutting his hair? that last line has me on a chokehold that may as well kill me again in the fic /nsrs #smooches dearest you absolutely slayed ( our hearts ) with this one it's such a painfully soul crushing piece #for some reason it makes me wonder how bittersweet are the last two lessons alongside the bonus lesson will be...... sobbing rn #not really related but i had a sandwich for dinner before reading this‚#if i read this while i was eating said sandwich i would have replaced the lettuce with the sodium from my eyes #i‚ am rambling. please excuse me i just absolutely adore this piece and i feel like my usual eloquent way of wording just went poof #i absolutely enjoyed it in spite of the pain it provided like yes queen make me cry out of sadness before bed 🤍

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