#[eb tag to be assigned later]

[tordsbunker]

Tord - he/him - 20s Fictive, artist, robot enjoyer You should read my Carrd for more info on me, and also my commission info if youre interested No DNI, I just block freely This blog is also sometimes home to Patryck (he/they), Tom (he/it), Eddbot (any?), and Zord (he/they)

[frog-necromancer]

Betting on A Losing Dog

Masterlist

Read on Ao3

Chapter 4: Sooner than later

Pairing: Logan / fem!reader

Summary: Angst followed by comfort followed by smut followed by unbearable pain. Enjoy :)

Sorry for the wait yesterday was my birthday and I'm drowning in uni assignments.

Chapter 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7

Tags: #drug abuse and addiction #swearing #angst #anger issues #main character death (it’s Logan sorry babes) #fluff and smut #kissing #alcohol abuse  #graphic description of violence and injuries #heavy angst #biting #thigh riding #oral (f receiving) #p in v sex #unprotected sex (wrap it up)  #attempt at humor #spending time as a family #intrusive thoughts #some gore #hurt no comfort (maybe a little comfort) #found family #marriage!?!! #self harm (skin picking) #throwing up #depression  #smoking #references to Christianity and religion #video game references #road trip

Sooner than later

Logan awoke in a cold sweat, a scream on his dry lips. His claws were extended and covered in blood. Her blood. The unmistakable snikt was still ringing in his ears, mixing with his own gasp of terror. 

She was wheezing and sputtering in his arms, his first instinct was to push her away. He never should have let her get this close to him again. “F/N- I- fuck fuck” he breathed out, eyes wide and filled with panic. 

She grunted, her face a mask of pain: “Fuck me.” She blinked, her hands, wandering to the wound at her side, prodding the open flesh. She could feel the wetness between her fingertips, trying to make out just how bad it was. She let out a spluttering breath.

 “It's - it's not too bad I think…just a flesh wound” she muttered between gasps of pain. His fear and worry didn't lessen, his brain jumping to all possible outcomes. 

She would be fine, she had to be.

The panic was replaced by anger, anger at himself. Only at himself. But in this very moment, there was only one person he could direct it at.

 “This is your fault.”

 No, it's not. I love you.

 “Why do you- fuck- why do you insist on playing family!?”

 I love it. Please, please, I want to be part of your family forever.

“Why couldn't you just stay at home where you're safe.”

Never leave my side again, please. 

He snapped, breathing heavily, his eyes wild and his lips forming a snarl. She pressed the white fabric of the blanket against the gaping scratches, trying to stop the bleeding. 

He wanted to help her, so badly, hold her in his arms. But his anger was all consuming and he didn't know where to direct it. So he directed it at her. He wasn't a violent dog. He didn't know why he was biting. Especially her. Especially now.

It took Logan a couple of moments to snap out of it. He took deep breaths. The anger slowly ebbed away and the concern came back in full force.

He quickly jumped up from the bed. “In my backpack” she muttered, he couldn't place her voice, was she angry at him? He'd understand if she was. He hurried to the F/C bag, rummaging through it until he found a first aid kit, she'd thought of everything.

They were both silent as he patched her up, carefully using a needle to stitch the gaping flesh back together. It stung like a bitch but F/N stayed quiet, he didn't like it at all, it worried him. His hands were incredibly gentle, albeit a little shaky, he hadn't had his morning drink yet. She was right, it wasn't deep. 

He'd been lucky. This time. Logan didn't dare to look into her eyes, knowing he'd find tears.

A gentle hand found his, giving it a soft squeeze, tracing over his calloused knuckles with something that he could only describe as love. “It's okay, Logan”, her voice was like velvet, but there was a pained edge to it. She was holding back, for him He shook his head, pulling his hand away, already missing her touch. "No, it's not. I could have killed you.” She stayed silent at this, she knew there was absolutely nothing she could say to calm him right now, nothing to make him feel better, nothing to make him believe that it wasn't his fault. 

—

The drive was eerily silent. F/N was wearing her new dinosaur hoodie, hiding her wound from Laura. They had agreed to not tell either Charles or her. The girl did not need to be burdened with the knowledge that the man of whose blood she was had accidentally hurt the woman she'd grown to like so much over the past few days. 

But of course she had noticed, she was smart, the air in the car was tense. Charles seemed to be the only one oblivious to the change in mood, happily babbling about whatever came to his messy mind. “Oh F/N” he addressed the woman in the front of the car. A mischievous smile on his lips, his gray eyes gleaming: “Are you and Logan finally going to marry now?” F/N froze, the air seemed cold all of a sudden, the tension could have been cut with a knife.

“I- uhm- we're-” she started to speak, it was obvious that she had been caught off guard. “F/N doesn't want to marry me.” Logan interrupted her, his voice rough and final, leaving no space for objection. Charles was silent for a moment, the humming of the car engine filling the air: “A shame.” He sounded genuinely sad. “You two are made for each other.”

—

The day was mostly spent in silence, except for a few comments from Charles here and there, mostly about some obscure advertisement or stories about the X-men that made F/N's heart clench with pain each time. She thought about her dead friends. 

About Kurt…Jean and Scott…Ororo…Rogue…Hank…Jubilee…Morph..and all the others they'd lost. 

“F/N?” 

How Kurt and her would sneak out to go to the movies…how Jean would train with her in the danger room, how-

“F/N! You alright?” 

F/N looked up from her hands: “W-what?”, Logan frowned as he saw the freshly picked skin around her fingernails, blood oozing from the small wounds “Are you okay? You look a little pale and-”, his voice lowered, laced with concern: “…you're crying…” F/N blinked a couple of times, trying to clear her mind, a feeling of nausea washed over her. 

Her hand wandered to her wet cheek. “Oh.” She paused. “I’m fine…just thinking” She could see Logan stiffly nodding from the corner of her eye: “I see.” But he didn't reach out, he didn't offer comfort. He hadn't touched her since stitching her up, not once. She knew he felt bad and didn't know what to do with his feelings, or how to approach her. Some things never changed.

—

“Motherfucking auto-trucks.” Logan cursed, suppressing a cough. F/N stayed quiet, not feeling like arguing as she watched the driverless trucks pass them. She had taken the seat in the back, next to Charles with Laura in the passenger's seat in the front. Logan had been ignoring her mostly, keeping their conversations short and simple. 

And frankly, it hurt.

F/N knew that he felt guilty and didn't know how to address and express his feelings but that didn't make it hurt any less. "Language, Logan. And you're screaming at a machine.", Charles chimed in. Logan scoffed: "Oh, what? She can gut a man with her feet, she can't hear a few naughty words, huh?" He half expected -no hoped F/N would say something, that she'd finally open that damned mouth of hers. Yell at him, acknowledge his faults. Tell him that he wasn't a good guy, that he was dangerous, a wild animal that was a danger to himself and others. That he was no better than a violent dog that needs to be put down.

He looked at her through the back mirror, his expression unreadable, his eyebrows pulled down to a frown, irritation was coursing through him. But her mouth stayed shut, her E/C eyes staring out of the window. Empty and unfocused. He had a sneaking suspicion that she'd taken a couple more pills than usual this morning. He could smell it on her, the chemicals of medication made his nose burn, it was making him sick. She was trying to numb herself to the world and it was his fault alone. His worry was increasing by the minute and yet he was too much of a coward to open his mouth. 

"She can learn to be better.", Charles stopped his train of thought, oh he was getting really irritated now, his grip on the steering wheel tightened, a thought flashed through his mind. He could pull the wheel around, crash them into the next auto-truck and-

"You mean better than me?" Was all he got out ,grinding his jar.

Mind lingering, he shook his head, trying to shake the intrusive thoughts off. The tension in the car became cuttable with a knife (or claws, if you will) "Actually, yes.” Charles went on to explain how Laura’s four claws and foot claws were a result of her gender, but F/N wasn't really listening, her mind far away as she stared out of the window.

Logan chuckled, a boyish grin on his handsome face: “What are you afraid of, we're all alone and the kids are asleep” F/N pretended to think and Logan knew he had her: “Fine. But just one beer”

Three movies and more than one beer later F/N was in Logan's lap giggling and playing with his hair while Logan littered her exposed skin with butterfly light kisses. “I love it when you laugh like this” he purred, his hands dancing over her thighs. “And I like your kitty cat hair. It's cute. Meow” Logan couldn't help but laugh as his girlfriend meowed at him. “Meow” he grinned, pressing a quick kiss to her nose.

The sudden turn of the wheel broke F/N from her thoughts. They'd almost been rammed by an auto-truck, if it hadn't been for Logan's quick reflexes. Deafening honks of the trucks filled the air and F/N desperately held onto the car seat, glancing back at Laura and Charles who were looking at them in panic. 

But it wasn't over yet, they had been pushed on the opposite lane, more auto-trucks coming directly towards them. The frontal view of the other cars was terrifying as Logan maneuvered their car through them, engine screaming. Luckily the Wolverine stayed calm. Finally they reached the side of the road unscathed. It was a miracle that all of them stayed more or less unharmed, except for some light bruises. This could have ended in a disaster. 

F/N was breathing heavily, her hands shaking as she checked on Charles while Logan made sure Laura was alright (he knows she can heal pshhh) “Charles”, she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat: “Are you okay?” Her eyes scanned his body for any injuries but she couldn't find any. Charles shook his head, calming her: “I'm okay. This old man won't be killed by some car turbulences.” She nodded, not quite believing him, her eyes found Logan's, who was already staring at her, worry written all over his gruff face, unspoken question lingering behind his lips. F/N nodded, she was fine. Laura's head popped up beside Logan's and despite everything, F/N forced a small smile on her lips but it didn't reach her eyes: “You alright, Laura sweetie?” The girl nodded, eyes filled with silent worry. F/N hummed, ruffling her hair with a shaky hand (at this point she wasn't sure if it was because of the almost crash or the medication) “We’ll get you a milkshake at the next stop, how does that sound?” 

Laura's little eyebrows were pulled down into a frown but F/N could tell that she was about to agree, when a commotion on the opposite side of the road caught all of their attention.

F/N dimly remembered the family, they had passed them a while ago.

Their car seemed to be stuck in the trench off the lane and their horses had broken loose from the trailer and were now running on the road in a blind panic.

"We should help them.", Charles’ voice was determined but Logan shook his head, not looking at him, his eyes still on F/N: "No, we have to keep going. Someone will come along." He was trying to convince himself, F/N could feel his hard shell cracking, his heart of gold throwing its rays through the cracks.

Charles seemed to be seeing right through him: "Someone has come along." He stated. Logan was about to protest, when the female robotic voice of one of the auto trucks interrupted him: “Alert! alert!”. F/N couldn't help but think they sounded incredibly unsettling.

The horses were still running around, it was a miracle that at least until now none of them had been reduced to a bloody mess on the ground, meanwhile the owners were still trying to calm them down and get them back to their trailer but to no avail. If something didn't happen very soon this would end in a bloody mess.

All of a sudden as if a switch had been turned the behavior of the horses seemed to shift and they finally calmed down, F/N glanced at Charles in the backseat, he had closed his eyes in concentration. She should have said something but stayed quiet.

Finally the family was able to lead the horses off the dangerous road and back into the trailer.

But now they were facing a different problem.

Their car was stuck in the trench beside the road. The wheels had dug themselves into the grassy ground and now the vehicle wouldn't budge.

“Hey, uh, you need a hand?", Logan called out and F/N was a little surprised when she heard Logan, especially that he actually offered them help. 

—

The family was thankful for Logan's offer, and accepted his help. It took some effort, even with the Wolverine’s support, but soon their car was pushed out of the muddy trench and back on the asphalt.

The father grinned, wiping his forehead from sweat: "Ah. Good, got it. C'mon, let's get home"

While Logan helped with the family’s problem F/N and Charles stayed back in the pick-up. Laura, mesmerized by the horses, made her way over to the trailer. 

Even if F/N had wanted to help, she was too out of it at the moment, no use to any of them. Her tired eyes were focused on Laura who had climbed onto the wheel of the trailer, curiously looking at the horses and letting them sniff her hand. “Laura!” Logan called out to her but the girl ignored him as usual, entranced by the large animals.

The woman smiled warmly at Logan, she was tired yet thankful as she shook his hand: "Thank you so much for your help. I'm Kathryn." She introduced herself. 

Logan nodded, shaking her hand, expression firm as always: "James." Kathryn motioned to the boy next to her wearing a jean jacket, a teenager who had his whole life ahead of him much like Laura:

 "This is my son, Nathan.” The boy waved awkwardly, he didn't seem in a great mood and F/N could relate: “hi”

Logan returned the greeting, glancing at Laura behind the two, she was still enthralled by the horses.

Kathryn turned to look at her with a kind glint in her eyes: "That's your daughter?" She asked, smiling at Laura.

Logan nodded, hoping he didn't sound as awkward as he felt : "Uh yeah, that's Laura, and that's my dad...Chuck" He gestured to his car. Charles winked at them, the old man still had some spunk in him . “And that's”, he gestured to F/N who was trying her hardest to not look high out of her mind. Logan paused, “...That's my wife.” He spoke, his voice gruff. He took note of how bad she looked, how unwell, and his eyes softened slightly. He felt the need to defend her in front of this stranger: “She's um a little sick at the moment…coming down with the flu or something” That would do. 

His eyes found Laura with the horses again, he was trying his hardest to not show his rising irritation.

"Come on, Laura, let's go!", he called out and finally, the young mutant reluctantly jumped down from the wheel before returning to his side, a light scowl on her face.

"Well, can we show our appreciation and treat the four of you to a decent meal? We don't live far from here." Kathryn offered, her husband, who introduced himself as Will, didn't seem convinced but stayed quiet.

Logan was quick to decline with a little shake of his head, he was about to turn back to the pick-up: "Uh, no, thanks."

But Charles the menace had other plans "That would be lovely!” he called out of the open window with a little wave of his hand. F/N couldn't help but frown, this didn't feel like a good idea, at all. (Girl you had time for a fucking dino park day get your priorities straight)

—

They followed the Munson family to their home, a big farmhouse with grazing land for their horses surrounding it. It was nice, and calm, far away from the next city, with trees lining the road and the air smelling of freshly cut grass. 

The sun had begun to set in the distance, coating the world in its soft orange glow. F/N took a deep breath of the cool air as she stepped out of the car, holding onto the door of the vehicle to steady herself. From the corner of her eye, she could see Logan reaching out his hand as if he wanted to help her, but quickly he pulled back. 

The Munsons seemed nice enough and F/N would have been lying if she said that she wasn't excited for an actual meal and not some gas station garbage that hardly qualified as food. 

F/N prayed to whoever would listen that they would be safe here for a moment. Just a moment. (But nobody was listening) To catch their breaths and take a little break from the stoney road.

“You like gardening?” F/N asked softly as she let her eyes wander over the countless plants lining the veranda surrounding the house. Kathryn hummed, her expression brightening immediately at her interest. “One of my latest hobbies”, she chuckled. “Mom likes to pick up hobbies and drop them after a month or two” Nate chimed in, earning a playful scolding from his mother: “Hey now that's not true. Not for every hobby at least.” Will chuckled and his son snickered: “If you say so, mom” F/N smiled softly at the playful banter, throwing a shy glance at Logan, just to realise he was already looking at her, She quickly averted her gaze, turning back to Kathryn. “My dad he- uhm also used to grow stuff…” Logan spoke up, still looking at F/N and Charles nodded: “Basil mostly but I didn't have much of a green thumb I fear.” F/N hadn't known that and she wasn't even sure if it was true:

 “What are you growing here?” F/N decided to ask. (Weed!) Kathryn gestured to some pots beside the door while Will got the keys out. “Mostly vegetables, like beans and tomatoes. Oh, and strawberries. My favourite fruit. Would you like to try some later?” (aren't they technically nuts but who cares??? Also apologies if you're allergic to strawberries) “That would be lovely” F/N smiled, trying her hardest to make it seem genuine. In reality she wasn't feeling very hungry. The pills were making her nauseous and the thought of food alone was making her want to throw up. Luckily Kathryn didn't seem to notice. “Great, I'll wash some for dessert. They're delicious with cream and sugar”

Warm light greeted them as they stepped into the family’s home. The interior was on the older side. Rustic wooden furniture and warm colors. It was nice and welcoming. F/N scanned the room, they seemed kind and like a normal family but they couldn't be too careful these days. A couple of crosses on the wall caught her eye as well as a little statue of Mary with little Jesus in her arms on a side table. There were also some family photos, nothing out of the ordinary.

“F/N dear, would you like to lie down for a moment until dinner's ready? I could make you some tea too…” Kathryn offered, already jumping around the kitchen and beginning to prepare their meal, Nate was helping her. 

F/N thought for a moment, she didn't want to be a bother or a burden. She didn't want to intrude or overstep boundaries. Kathryn seemed to sense her discomfort. “It's no trouble, I promise. We have a guest room upstairs.” Logan sent her a worried look, he could tell that she was unwell and he was relieved when he saw her nod softly.

Kathryn led F/N up the stairs into the guest room, helping her to get comfortable by getting her another blanket. “I love your sweater by the way” she hummed. “Nate used to love dinosaurs. But he says they're childish now” she mused. F/N smiled softly, eyes a little less dull than a couple of hours ago.

— 

“Is- eh is she alright?” Logan asked carefully, hating the way a lump was forming in his throat, but he tried to cover it with a cough. Kathryn looked up in surprise, she was cutting bean pods for dinner, Nate and Laura were helping. Kathryn gave him a knowing look: “She's okay I think… I assume you had some kind of fight?” She asked and Logan hated how she saw right through his poorly built façade. 

He could feel Laura's curious eyes on him as he searched for the right words. “Well- no. I mean yes. It wasn't exactly a fight. More of an…accident.” Kathryn nodded softly, listening attentively to his rambling. "You two should talk. Talking is always the answer.” He knew they should, but he didn't exactly appreciate this basically stranger telling him what to do. In the end, he nodded. “I will soon.” Kathryn frowned, giving him a disapproving look: “How about now? I get the tea ready and then you can bring it to her.”

About five minutes later Logan knocked at what he assumed was the guest room, carrying a steaming mug of mint tea in his hand. He could hear F/N's muffled reply from behind the door, carefully, to not spill the tea he pushed it open. “Hey, F/N…brought you tea…mint, I think” he spoke lowly, unsure of how to approach her. She gave him a little smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She looked already a little better, less pale and not like she would fall over any moment: “Thank you, Logan.” Her response was gentle, and his old heart clenched painfully in his chest. 

He wasn't sure how to start this conversation. “I wanted to apologise.” was what he settled on. Surprise flashed over F/N's face Logan took that as his sign to continue: “I should have talked to you. Not ignore you.” he spoke, voice uncharacteristically vulnerable. “It's not like I tried talking to you “, She interrupted him: “We're both stubborn idiots, I guess” Logan hummed softly. “I guess. You're not angry at me anymore?” F/N shook her head: “I was never angry at you to begin with. Maybe at the situation, maybe at the wound. But never at you” she reassured him and Logan flashed her a rare gentle smile. “I'm glad.” he murmured, handing her the cup of tea: “careful. It's hot.”

Logan sank down on the bed next to her, the soft mattress dipping under him. Sometimes F/N forgot how heavy he was due to his adamantium-encased bones. 

“How are you feeling?” He coughed awkwardly before she could answer “I mean really feeling.” The woman sighed softly. She knew she couldn't lie to him, he knew her too well. “I- I'm alright, I think. I don't feel too bad right now. I think not having to sit in the cramped car helped.” Logan nodded softly, hand scratching at his bearded chin.  “That's good, that's good. When was the last time you took your pills?” He asked, dreading the answer, he could tell that she was still a little out of it, although not as bad as back in the car. He also could pick up the faint scent of the medication on her. “This morning…” he gently took her hand in his, his digits rough against her soft skin, tracing the veins on the back of her hand. “You know how I feel about them. I know they help to regulate your emotions. I know you don't want to lose control over your mutation again but-” F/N hummed softly: “And you know how I feel about your drinking” 

He pressed his lips to her hand, his stubble tickling just a little. “You got worse because of me.” F/N quickly shook her head, soft H/C hair shimmering in the dim light. “It's not your fault Logan. I'm doing this to myself.” Logan closed his eyes, as her fingers gently traced over his cheeks. This is what a sick dog must feel like when its owner comes to comfort it. “I will be alright. You will be alright. And Charles and Laura too. Everything's going to work out in the end” she reassured him, pressing her lips to his, in a tender innocent display of affection. 

About an hour later dinner was ready. F/N felt surprisingly well-rested as Logan led her down the stairs to the dinner table, his hand on the small of her back. 

Laura was already seated. The table was decked out with bowls and dishes, it smelled good, and the atmosphere was nice, with soft muted lights. It reminded F/N of the dinners at the mansion. Of the family they'd lost.

“Be nice. Now, you know we got company.” Kathryn scolded Nate, her voice gentle. She smiled as she noticed Logan and F/N ascend the stairs.

“F/N! James! Come and sit” she smiled as she turned to the woman. “Are you feeling better, hon?” F/N nodded, a soft smile adorning her lips, although it wasn't quite reaching her eyes and Logan could tell. “Yes, a lot better. And thank you for the tea” Kathryn, shook her head. “No problem at all”

Logan pulled the chair that was right next to Laura out for F/N, urging her to sit. He was still worried about her. He would probably be worried about her for the rest of his life. (Haha what if) Another chair was removed so Charles could sit at the table too, his eyes sparkled as he took in the food on the table:  “That's wonderful” he exclaimed “Looks absolutely delicious!” F/N had rarely seen him this excited, and she wondered if these strangers reminded him of the family he once had. Of Magneto.

Kathryn hung her apron on a chair: “Everybody, have a seat.” She spoke, with motherly authority. 

Will hummed , disapprovingly glancing at his son: “Nate, sit up. James, why don't you sit at the end of the table?” He offered and Logan nodded, taking the seat next to F/N.

—

When everyone had found their seat and had calmed down a little, Kathryn looked around until her eyes found Nate: “You wanna say grace? Say grace, baby.” Her son nodded, and Kathryn reached for his hand.

Whenever Kurt had been home for dinner he'd spoken a little prayer, inviting anyone who wanted to to join him. It had been light then, this however felt more profound than ever. 

Logan's hand embraced hers, warm and gentle, he could feel her shakiness, the way her breath hitched when he touched her. 

He tried to help to ground her by giving her hand a little squeeze. F/N's eyes found their intertwined hands, warmth spread through her at his kind gesture. 

“Uh, thank you, God, for this food…and for our new friends, the Howletts.” Nate spoke, a little unsure of what to say, but his mother seemed happy enough, she nodded “Mmm. They came to our aid.” she added with a sweet hum. 

“Amen.” The family spoke

“Amen”, repeated Logan quietly, voice rough, and filled with something that F/N couldn't place.

Laura was staring at the delicious-looking food, her eyebrows pulled down in concentration. Will handed Charles a striped bowl, F/N wasn't quite sure what was in it, but she was glad that they began to eat. It was less awkward than having to participate in conversations. Noone expects you to talk much when you’re eating.

F/N wasn't very hungry but she'd feel even worse if she didn't even try and she didn't want to seem ungrateful or like she didn't like what Kathryn and Nate had prepared for them. She took some beans and a piece of pork, pushing the greens around with her fork awkwardly. Taking small bites, savoring the flavor on her tongue. It did taste good but she simply wasn't hungry right now. 

Laura on the other hand seemed to be on the verge of starving, sinking her hands into the mashed potatoes, she stuffed the mushy cream into her mouth not bothering to use a fork. In that moment she reminded F/N of a wild animal. And she was once again reminded that the little girl in front of her hadn't had a childhood, that she hadn't had parents to teach her something as unassuming as etiquette at a dinner table.

Logan gave her an unimpressed look, forcing a fork into her little hand. F/N frowned softly, grabbing a handkerchief, with gentle circles she freed Laura's hand from the mashed potatoes and cleaned her smeared mouth. The Munsons watched the little show in awkward yet curious silence. F/N could feel Nate silently judging them and she couldn't even blame him.

They continued the dinner as if nothing had happened. Laura didn't let herself be discouraged as she began to shovel corn onto her already quite messy plate. Logan, again, was having none of it, grabbing the bowl out of her hands while she was actively trying to take another spoon full of the golden goods. She gave him a disbelieving look, Logan simply shook his head, not impressed at all.

“Oh, there's plenty more if she wants.” Kathryn reassured him but Logan promptly shook his head: “She's fine. Thank you.”

Charles, sensing the awkward atmosphere, spoke up: “This is delicious.” He praised Kathryn’s cooking, her expression brightened:

“Oh, thank you. I grew the bean pods myself.” her voice was modest but one could see the pride sparkling in her eyes. She was proud of her gardening. Charles hummed: “It's so good. You can taste the love you put into them.” 

Will turned to Logan and F/N his expression filled with curiosity: “Where are y'all headed?” Logan threw a glance at F/N: “Uh…” What the fuck should he say “Oregon.” 

“South Dakota.” Charles pitched in at the same time. The family exchanged glances.

Charles continued, saving the situation: “Well, Oregon and then South Dakota.” The Munsons seemed happy enough with that reply .

“Vacation?”, Kathryn inquired.

Charles nodded: “Uh… Yes. Uh, long overdue. we're city folk.” He was enjoying this, Logan couldn't help but frown at the old man's antics.

Charles hummed and F/N was curious how far he'd go with this: “always wanted to take a road trip, see the country.” 

F/N has to admit that he sounded quite convincing, her eyes wandered to Laura who was absolutely devouring Kathryn’s bean pods. Logan ignored her or didn't notice, probably the latter as his full attention was on Charles, making sure he didn't get them into trouble: “Um…And meet the people in it.” Charles concluded. Kathryn seemed to be listening intently, an adventurous gleam in her dark eyes: “That sounds lovely. Been trying to get Will here to take a vacation for years now.” Will shook his head, it seemed like they had had this conversation a million times before:

“Oh. If we go traipsing all over the country, who's gonna take care of this place?” while the family argued light-heartedly back and forth. Laura was still demolishing her beans, using her hands now to shove them into her mouth. She was making a mess but no one seemed to care or notice. F/N couldn't help but smile softly at the girl. She deserved the whole world. The little argument continued but F/N wasn't quite listening, she felt a little lightheaded and the conversation was beginning to give her a headache. She poked at her own food, only taking small bites.

“Careful you're speaking to a man who ran a school…for a lot of years. Right, Charles?” Logan's voice broke her from her thoughts, she hadn't expected him to join the conversation “Well, yes it was a…It was a kind of special needs school. Um…” Charles stammered, Logan nodded: “Uh-huh. That's a good description.”

Charles’ voice was filled with mischief, oh he was enjoying this: “He was there too and our dear F/N as well.” He spoke gesturing to Logan who was looking almost sheepish: “Oh, yeah, no. Um…I got kicked out a few times.” Nate couldn't suppress a laugh at that, covering his mouth with his fist. Charles was grinning now, turning his full attention to Logan who looked a little embarrassed even: “I wish I could say you were a good pupil, but the words would choke me.” laughter filled the dimly lit room. Even Logan and Laura were grinning from ear to ear. 

F/N realised she had never heard the girl laugh.

“But F/N…she was- well she was a difficult student…struggling.” F/N could feel her face heat up at his words, “but Logan helped her…They helped each other. I'm glad they're together” He concluded and F/N and Logan exchanged awkward glances.

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter and light conversation. It was nice, nicer than F/N had thought. None was pushing her to talk but they would let her speak up here and there when she felt like it. Making her feel comfortable even if she wasn't feeling the best.

—

With their stomachs filled came the exhaustion and tiredness crashing down on each of them after the long and adventurous day. But they knew they had to leave. They were still being followed. 

“Ma’am, I can’t thank you enough for this. Uh, it was great. But we have a long drive ahead of us, so…” Logan spoke, voice warm, almost kind, a side he rarely showed to strangers these days. Kathryn frowned

softly, concern filling her soft brown eyes: “But you need to rest, don't you?”

He nodded: “Yeah, we'll find a motel somewhere.”

That was a lie of course, he didn't plan on resting or even sleeping any time soon. “The nearest one is two hours from here and it's not even that nice.”, Will spoke up, F/N had a feeling where this was going and she wasn't too appalled.

Kathryn nodded: “We have two perfectly fine rooms upstairs for your father and your daughter and you and F/N.” Logan shook his head but F/N recognised the fatigue in his body, in each and every fiber: “Kathryn, it's very, very nice of you, but we really should go.”

Charles wasn’t convinced: “Logan, F/N needs to rest. We can leave early in the morning. Break of dawn, as it were.”

Logan sighed softly, he'd do anything to make her more comfortable, to keep her safe: “Okay, why don't we wash up, Pop?” He turned to Charles. Kathryn seemed happy at that, smiling at Laura and F/N. The girl was about to climb onto Charles’ wheelchair but Logan pushed her back down on the chair at the table: “Sit” he muttered exasperated, before pushing Charles out of the room and to the bathroom.

Kathyn turned her full attention back to Laura and F/N: “Do you and your mom want some dessert? We’ve got cake and I think I promised you some strawberries.”

While Logan helped Charles in the bathroom Kathryn quickly picked some strawberries from her porch, while Nate cleared the table. F/N had offered to help but Kathryn had refused, telling her to rest. 

She returned with a small bowl of the sweet red fruits. “Here you go, I just gotta rinse them.” She turned to her son: “Nate, could you get the pie out of the fridge, please?” Nate obeyed and got the pie, apple, if F/N had to guess, and put it on the kitchen table. 

F/N's eyes wandered over the cake under the glass cover, it looked self-made and absolutely delicious, probably made with apples from Kathryn’s garden. “Thank you so much Kathryn”, F/N hummed, sending the other women a thankful smile. “It's no trouble- oh- oh no!” F/N couldn't help but jump up. 

Will could be heard cursing as he came through the door. He'd been outside to check something.  “What is it?”, F/N's voice was filled with urgency and a hint of panic. But Kathryn simply shook her head, not at all in a hurry, she had a resigned look on her face: “The strawberries gotta wait a little longer, I fear.” 

—

“What's going on?”, it was Logan, he re-emerged with Charles from the bathroom, he threw a worried look at F/N, who was still coming down from the sudden adrenaline rush. An overreaction, as she soon realised. “Nate. Go fill up the tub before we lose pressure. Honey, check the sink.”, Will ordered, as the family rushed around the rooms, they knew what they were doing.

Kathryn sighed as she checked the sink water: “They shut it off again”

Will huffed, clearly annoyed and a little angry, although he was trying to hold back: “They are just not going to let this go.” he sighed, rubbing his forehead in irritation 

Kathryn sighed: “Well, you might as well handle it now.” Logan, Charles and F/N watched the scene in silence, not wanting to interfere with whatever they were discussing 

Will shook his head: “It can wait till the morning. We just had rain last night.” But Kathryn was not taking no for an answer:

“We've got four houseguests and a sink full of dishes.” she pleaded with her husband.

Will sighed softly, gently squeezing her shoulder: “All right, all right.”

Finally, he turned to Logan and the others: “The pump station that supplies us is a mile and a half from here. Sometimes it gets itself shut off.” he explained 

Nate scoffed, annoyed by the situation. This obviously wasn't the first time that this had happened: “By assholes.”

Will gave his son a stern look, not wanting to chide him in front of their guests: “Hey!” 

Meanwhile Laura got her little grabby hands on the glass cover of the pie Nate had put on the table earlier. Her (probably greasy) fingers curled around the handle before she lifted it off the pie. Logan, as soon as he saw what she was up to, hurried over to her: “No” he scolded, she reluctantly put the cover back down and Logan ushered her away from the object of her desire.

“My son is happy to go with you.”, Charles spoke up. But Will shook his head: “No, no, no, that's fine. The men that do this, sometimes they can be…”

“I can go.”, Nate chimed in. His mother shook her head “No, you got homework.” F/N couldn’t be mad  at her for not wanting her son to go out with his father. She didn’t like the thought of any of them getting hurt.

 “All right, I'll go.” Logan declared “Just, uh, let me get my dad and wife settled” he lifted Charles from his wheelchair, carrying him up the stairs. F/N and Laura followed close behind, from the kitchen they could hear Kathryn and Will discuss the situation. Something about that they should listen to their lawyer and that it would be dangerous.

Logan was panting softly with each step that he carried Charles to the other guest room. It was at the other end of the house than the one F/N had rested in earlier. Laura wandered off to Nate's room and F/N couldn't blame her for wanting to somehow connect with the boy. The only children and teenagers she'd known her whole life so far were tortured lab rats like her. 

Little blue sailing ships and fitting steering wheels adorned the white wallpaper. It was a nice room with a big soft bed, much like the other guest room. Carefully and slowly Logan put Charles down on the fresh white bedding. “Here you go” he muttered, pulling the soft blanket over him. He tucked him in like a mother would her child, before looking around the room, making sure he had everything he needed for the night. His eyes found the TV at the foot of the bed, he grabbed the remote from the bedside table, holding it in front of Charles for him to take: “Want TV? There's TV here.”

Charles softly shook his head: “I’m fine”

F/N watched the two of them in silence, a fond glint in her eyes at the soft display of care. It felt wrong to intrude. 

"Okay." Get some rest.” Logan's voice was tired. It wasn't even that late and yet he felt like he could sleep for eternity.

Charles gave Logan a long look, eyes unreadable: “You know, Logan…” he began to speak, voice carrying a certain heaviness to it “this is what life looks like. A home, people who love each other. Safe place. You should take a moment and feel it.”, he continued. 

F/N's heart ached at his words and she could tell Logan's did too but he hid it well. His voice was slightly hoarse as he replied: “Yeah. It's great.” He finally gets out, turning to the door to leave. He sent F/N a pained look. But the professor wasn't finished: “Logan. Logan!” The Wolverine turned back to him, Charles, as he saw that he was listening continued: “You still have time.”

Logan paused. This was hard to watch. Seeing Charles this fragile yet hopeful. And Logan… “Charles, the world is not the same as it was. We're taking a risk hanging around here, you know that. And where we're going, Eden…it doesn't exist. Her nurse got it from a comic book.” His voice dropped to an almost whisper: “You understand? It's not real.” but Charles stayed hopeful, and F/N wondered if he was naive or delusional: “It is for Laura. It is for Laura.” Logan's lips left a silent sigh, he closed his eyes for a moment, as to not snap at the old man. No sense in arguing with him right now: “get some rest”, he muttered, before turning around. He gently took F/N's hand in his and led her out of the room, closing the white door with a gentle click behind them.

—

“We don’t have to share the bed if you don't want to…if you're not comfortable” F/N murmured as she changed into her sleeping clothes, another one of Logan's old T-shirts from a very different life. When everything seemed to be going to be okay. “It's…it's not that I don't want to…I'm-” he paused, taking a deep breath, he was craving a bottle of Jack right now. He scratched his beard, not quite sure what to say.

“You're scared of hurting me”, F/N  finished his sentence for him, her voice knowing. He nodded softly, he seemed so very small at that moment, vulnerable and afraid, hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. F/N smiled gently up at him “We don't have to sleep together…” she paused, a frown flashing over her pretty face “You know what I mean” she chuckled, and even Logan huffed out a small laugh. Something about stupid jokes when everything seemed to be falling apart was healing.

 “I wanna make the last couple of days up to you…” Logan purred, the mood changing but F/N wasn't complaining as he stepped between her legs, tall and muscular and still very much dressed in that blue shirt of his and those stunning jeans: “You wanna make it up to me huh, thought you promised…to help with the water?” Her voice was playful, teasing even but then she paused, her expression becoming more serious, her voice firm yet careful: “You know that I'm not mad at you, right? You do not actually have to make anything up to me. Like not at all.” Logan froze in his movements, his brows furrowed, considering her words, then he nodded slowly: “I know, love…I know.” he spoke softly, voice reassuring, as if he was trying to convince himself. “But I want to.”, he murmured, tracing his large hands over the fabric of her shirt -one of his- pushing up the fabric his eyes wandered to the slowly healing wound, covered by thick white bandages. Red specks bloomed on the fabric like roses in freshly fallen snow and Logan's eyes darkened. “I'll be gentle, doll” he purred, digits wandering over her sides, digging into her soft flesh, tracing her form, each hill and valley. 

They both knew that they needed to be as quiet as possible. He was incredibly gentle, his touch feather-light. He adored this woman with his whole being. Her H/L H/C hair. Her S/C, soft skin. Her E/C eyes were incredibly beautiful yet dangerous all the same. 

She was still sitting on the bed with him standing between her legs. “Let's make you feel good, shall we?” He purred, sinking down to his knees. His adamantium bones cracked at the movement and he knew he would feel it tomorrow but it would be worth it. 

He carefully stripped her of his boxers, smoothly pulling them down her pretty legs, he couldn't help but sink his teeth into her calf in a playful yet hungry bite. His teeth left a mark, red and angry and he couldn't help but feel proud as he continued to kiss up her legs, leaving little bites in his crusade. 

He was enjoying this, slowly teasing her, so close yet so far from where she needed him most. He blinked up at her, head between her thighs, she was wearing the F/C panties he liked, they weren't anything special but they were hers and that made them the sexiest object in the fucking universe. 

“You're so fucking beautiful” he sighed, she could feel his hot breath hitting the tender skin of her thigh.

Yet again Logan sank his teeth into her skin, licking and abusing the tender flesh. She could feel him suck, a bruise blooming, the imprint of his teeth temporarily adorning her skin. 

“You're so wet for me…smells so fucking good.” And with that he dragged his pink tongue over the soggy F/C fabric. The simple movement drew a small whimper from her lips. “Delicious”, he commented quietly, licking his lips. F/N shuddered at the sensation, a small moan vibrating in her throat as she squirmed beneath his touch.

Her panties were pushed aside and a finger was pressed to her core, gently pushing aside her folds and drawing lazy circles around her sensitive clit. Each circle sent that delicious tingle through her aching body and straight to her core. 

He pressed a kiss to her lips, swallowing the little sounds that spilt from her mouth, he tasted of liquor and cigars and F/N could feel the wetness between her legs grow, involuntarily bucking against his hand resulting in a sound that was something between a gasp of pleasure and of pain. She should be a little more careful, she didn't need the stitches to tear right now.

Her side burned with fresh pain. That pulled a grunt from Logan, his slick-coated beard tickling her cheeks.

“Shhhh, darling. Don't move too much. Let me take care of you” he hummed, his chest vibrating as his thick fingers lazily circled her clit, teasing the little nub. 

He sunk his teeth into her pulse point, deep enough to leave a mark but not deep enough to draw blood. His thumb played with her bundle of nerves, dipping his index into her as if checking the temperature of a pool. He hummed as if satisfied before pressing deeper into her, his movements falling into a steady rhythm. He would do this for a living if he could. Making her feel good, feel whole. F/N could feel the knot in her lower stomach tightened, her climax approaching quickly as Logan worked her body like clockwork.

She shuddered as she climaxed, body twitching and spasming.

F/N lay limply on the bed, craving his gentle touch. His embrace. But he didn't stay, quickly rising from the bed. And all of a sudden she felt incredibly cold. Silence filled the darkness. A sob wrecked through her body, she wasn't quite sure why. 

Was it because this would be ending soon? Because she'd have to leave him yet again? Because that is what inevitably would happen. He'd leave with Charles to live on a boat, far away from any living human being. Without her. And now he wouldn't even hold her after making her feel so good?

“Hey- hey darling…. I'm not leaving, just getting a towel “, Logan's voice was uncharacteristically gentle, worry had flashed over his rugged face at her sob. He had a good understanding of what was wreaking havoc through her brain.

He cleaned her up, wiping down her body with the soft, clean towel, pressing little kisses to her exposed skin, red marks from earlier already blooming on her neck “I'm here…I'm not going anywhere “ he murmured as he finally settled next to her and pulled her into his arms.

That of course was a lie, and she knew it was. But it didn't matter right now. 

He had promised to help fix the water pump and after bringing Laura to Eden, he'd leave her. For good.

Sooner than later.

When F/N's breathing had fallen into a steady rhythm and her heartbeat had slowed down, he rose from between the sheets, peeling his arms from her soft skin. He pressed one last kiss to her temple, not daring to say goodbye in fear of waking her. He quietly padded out of the room and into the other guest room. He made sure Charles was alright, the old man was fast asleep, snoring softly. He looked peaceful, just like an old man, not a deadly mutant who hadn't  himself under control.

—

F/N awoke a while later. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it couldn't have been more than an hour. She stretched her aching body, making sure to not pull her stitches. She used the moment of lonely quietness to change her bandages and reapply some cream from her first aid kid. The wounds didn't look too bad, they were a little irritated from the exercise she and Logan had been doing earlier but luckily they didn't look infected. She carefully wrapped the injury up again, making sure the bandage would stay in place for the night. 

She felt a little cold, all alone in the foreign guest room and she had the feeling that even if she tried, she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, at least not as long as Logan was gone. She would wait for him and in the meanwhile make sure Charles and Laura were alright and well.

She quietly padded over to the other guestroom, the hardwood floor warm beneath her bare feet. The lights were turned off, but the door was open, warm orange light flooded from the hall into the small bedroom. 

Charles was fast asleep in the double bed, he looked comfortable and F/N’s eyes softened at her former teacher and mentor before they found Laura. She was lying on the colorful carpet in front of the bed, something that looked like an iPod clutched in her little hands, the dino plushie besieged her, her face was illuminated by the harsh blue light of the screen. F/N also noticed the earbuds she was wearing, Nate must have given her the device, hopefully she hadn't taken it without his knowledge (Rip Laura you would have loved being an ipad child). “Don't you wanna lie on the bed?” F/N asked softly. Laura didn't even look up from the screen, shaking her head. F/N hummed “Alright, sweetie” it was a little scary how easily the term of endearment slipped from her lips. Laura wasn't her daughter, she didn't even really know the girl. 

F/N sighed softly, sitting down on the other side of the bed next to Charles, she got comfortable, resting her head against the wall, she considered taking out her phone, checking what was going on in the world, maybe someone was wondering where she went. But she decided against it, truth be told, no one was missing her. 

She closed her eyes, enjoying the calmness of the night, the only sounds were the chirping of crickets from the garden outside, the gentle breathing of Charles next to her, and the occasional tapping from Laura when she chose another song to listen to. 

She opened her eyes when she heard something that sounded like the rustle of paper being unfolded. Her gaze fell to Laura, she’d pulled a photograph from a pocket of her jean jacket, it wasn’t the picture from the amusement park.

F/N couldn't quite see what was on it, but she could guess. Logan had told her only little about her past, only shown her bits and pieces of the video from her dead nurse’s phone. Laura had suffered through a lot at her young age. F/N had seen how they'd done the operation, how she'd cut herself just to watch her own flesh pull itself together and heal. It was concerning to say the least, but there was little she could do, but try to be kind to her and treat her with understanding.

More time passed, F/N had moved to the window, taking a seat on a comfortable armchair just in front of the window sill. She'd pulled her knees to her stomach, covering herself in a soft blanket that Kathryn was so kind to give her. Probably not the best position for her stitches but she didn't care. Her head was leaning against the headrest, her gaze lingered on the world outside, a streetlight in the distance shone like a star. Behind it the vast corn fields, in the distance she could make out one of those gigantic harvest machines, its long arm disappearing into the night sky, harvesting corn all night long. Never taking a break until it breaks some day. 

—

Laura had fallen asleep, curled up like a cat on the soft carpet, the picture and plushie next to her. F/N recognised the children on the flimsy piece of paper as the mutants from the nurse’s video. She hoped they'd been as lucky as Laura had been and had escaped. But she knew the odds weren't high. 

Her eyes were still focused on the flickering streetlight outside, when the gentle creaking of footsteps on the wooden floor made her turn around. The first thing she saw was a shadow, Logan's shadow, standing in the open door. She couldn't see his face, the light blocking out the details, but it had to be him “You're back” she murmured quietly as to not wake Laura and Charles, she couldn't help but yawn, rubbing her face. She was ready to go to bed.

The shadowy figure took another step into the room, his focus on Laura on the floor, he didn't say anything. Charles shifted on the bed, he'd woken up. “Hey, don't wake her yet. Let her sleep another hour.” His voice filled the silence and F/N hoped Logan would listen. She didn't want to leave just yet. 

Charles sighed deeply and F/N pulled the blanket closer around herself: “You know, Logan…this was without a doubt…the most perfect night I've had in a very long time.”

The ghost of a smile crept on F/N's lips at his words. 

Charles paused, his expression shifting as if he was realising something. Dread filled his gray eyes. His voice cracked: “But I don't deserve it. Do I? I did something. Something unspeakable.” The smile vanished from F/N's face, she knew what he was talking about, her fingers nervously scratched at the skin around her thumbnail, picking at the loose scraps. 

Charles took a couple of deep breaths before he continued speaking. She could see his face but he could imagine the tears in his eyes: “I've remembered what happened in Westchester.” F/N turned her gaze downward, staring at the floor. She didn't dare look at him right now. “This is not the first time I've hurt people.” Charles spoke and Logan took a step closer to him: “Until today, I didn't know. You wouldn't tell me. F/N wouldn't tell me. So we just kept on running away from it.” Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. “I think I finally understand you.” Logan’s face was still concealed by shadows as he leaned over Charles in the bed, he grabbed his shoulder. “Logan?” F/N's voice wavered, her tired mind was telling her something was off. That something was very wrong. Logan didn't answer and for just one second, she could see his eyes flash from the light. 

Yellow. 

“Lo- is everything alright?” She asked carefully, rising slowly from the armchair, as to not pull her stitches. Later she would have wished she'd been faster. She watched as Logan placed his bare fist slowly on Xavier's chest. “Logan…” Charles began to speak. 

Snikt

The sharp sound of his claws cut through the air. Charles gasped softly. F/N could see blood bloom on his white t-shirt as Logan pulled the claws out with a wet squelching sound, the metal covered in shimmering red. Wet and dripping.

F/N stumbled from the chair over to Charles, eyes darting between him and Logan. But it wasn't him. This wasn't her Logan. 

Well, he looked like him. A younger version at least. His hair was darker and a little fuller than her Logan's. This wasn't him. This was not a human. His yellow eyes lacked any emotion besides rage. Eyes that would give her nightmares for years to come.

F/N was still comprehending the situation, hands aimlessly trying to stop the bleeding on Charle’s chest, but she was only smearing blood on him and herself, when Laura jumped at the monster. She screamed loudly, stabbing her claws into his chest, blood splattered everywhere. The monster groaned, stumbling backwards.

F/N knew what she had to do. Even if she didn't like it. She quickly pressed the blanket onto Charles' chest, hoping it would slow down the bleeding long enough to stop the monster and get him the medical help he needed.

She focused her mind on the monster, who was still tossing Laura around, trying to get her off of him but she was holding onto him fiercely. Laura was screaming and the exhaustion wasn't helping F/N in the slightest to focus. But she had to. For them 

Time seemed to stand still as she finally pierced into his animalistic brain, this was not a normal mind. This was the mind of an animal. Raw and angry and filled with nothing but rage and primal emotions.  He was nothing like Logan, there was no humanity in this clone.

If she trapped him in a nightmare, he might lose control completely. It was hard to tell how someone reacts to being faced with their worst fears, not to mention that F/N wasn't even sure that he could feel something like fear. So trying to possess him was her best bet as she dove deeper into his mind, trying to take control. But he was fighting her, trying to beat her at her own game. She was trying to push his mind aside, to take the wheel but he wouldn't let her. And he was still moving. Through his ears F/N could hear Laura screaming, she could feel being stabbed but it wasn't her flesh, it was his. 

She could see through his eyes how he stumbled over to her own unconscious body on the bed next to Charles. She could hear her friend gasping, a gurgling wet sound as blood filled his mouth, dripping down his chin. 

She had little control over this monster, he was trying to push her out, he was about to use his claws on himself, but F/N wouldn't let him. She stopped the blades from even piercing through his knuckles. Maybe she should have let him. Maybe he would have killed himself. She would have died too but it would have been worth it.

He had to use his bare fists now and she could feel him grow more irritated with each second that she was slowing him down, trying to take over him. He was struggling but so was she. Maybe, just maybe she could do this. She could stop him.

She was trying so hard to hold him back, to control him, but he was simply too strong for her tired mind. She helplessly watched as he grabbed her unconscious body, dragging it to the window. 

Laura could do nothing, she was still kicking and screaming but she didn't dare to use her claws while he was carrying F/N's body. F/N watched in horror as he reached the window. She fought her hardest to stop him. But she was simply too weak. He lifted her body and F/N knew she couldn't stay in his mind as he tossed her lifeless body through the window. The connection broke. 

And for a moment all she felt was pain. 

But it wasn't his anymore. It was her body that had been thrown through the window, cut and bruised. She blinked slowly, even in the weak light she could tell that she was covered in blood and glass. There was no part of her body that didn't burn. She'd definitely pulled her stitches.

Blood was pumping through her ears as she stumbled to her feet, her head was thumping painfully as she stumbled to her feet. She could barely tell up from down in her state, she just knew that she had to find Logan and Laura. Make sure at least they were okay. 

She could hear muffled screams coming from inside the house as she stumbled to the front door, past Kathryn's plants. 

Finally she reached the door, just in time to see Logan. He was standing at the foot of the stairs, Will stabbed at his feet, doing nothing as the other Logan carried Laura like a purse.(sorry but it's true) She was trapped in some kind of metal contraption. “Logan! We have to help her!”, She cried out, why wasn't he doing anything? Why wasn't he stopping this monster? He was taking her. 

Logan's eyes widened: “F/N!” he rushed forward, pulling her into his arm, careful as to not grab onto a couple of extra nasty cuts. He didn't care that she was covering him in blood and dirt: “F/N, are you okay?” F/N was shaking in his grasp, trying to push him to move with unsteady hands. “Charles! He's- He-” she was struggling to get the words out, but Logan understood, his eyes widening in terror. “Wait here.”, he ordered as he rushed upstairs. “What about Laura” she croaked weakly but he wasn't listening anymore. 

She stumbled after him, to hell with his orders. Black spots were crowding her vision, the world swimming in and out of focus as she staggered up the stairs and to the guest room.

The first thing she saw was Kathryn's lifeless body on the floor, shotgun next to her hand. She was still wearing her nightgown, the once white dress now stained with red. F/N thought she could see some of her intestines, peeking out from the gash in her stomach. Bile rose in her throat, she'd tried to help. 

She’d tried to keep her family safe.

But she had failed, F/N soon realised as her hazy eyes found Nate, half sitting against the door. His baseball bat still clutched in his bloodstained hands. 

Eyes empty. 

Lifeless.

He had choked on his own blood.

—

Logan was crouched over Charles, trying to save what was unsalvageable. Muttering as his hands tried to stop the bleeding. “It wasn't me… It wasn't me”, his voice was barely above a whisper. F/N had rarely heard him sound this desperate.

She could do nothing but lean heavily against the door frame, giving him this moment with his friend. His mentor. 

She wanted to tell him that it would be alright, but she knew it would be a lie. The cuts were deep, too deep. Her tongue felt like lead, she felt like throwing up. She watched Logan carry him to the car. He ordered her to stay in the house and this time she listened, too weak to protest even if she wanted to. The world was spinning and everything hurt, she clumsily reached for the bottle in her jacket, hand shaking as she popped a couple of pills into her mouth. It tasted like blood. Numbness overcame her, spreading through her body like a fog through a forest. 

Laura was still out there, but she felt numb.

[caiminnent]

my demise, my downfall [kylux, rated M]

Summary: Hux had no idea that Ren, his bedmate and partner in crime, was actually Ben Organa-Solo, the sole heir of First Order's biggest rival in the industry.

He didn't know Ben had a girlfriend, either.

Fandom: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

Tags: Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Use Your Words, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Kylo Ren isn't Much Better, Canon-Typical Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships

Notes: Photo by Mitchell Griest on Unsplash, cropped.

2.9K || Also on AO3

Hux wakes up to gentle caresses, a feather-light finger drawing unrecognisable shapes over his shoulders, down his back.

His eyes ache behind his eyelids, that didn’t-sleep-enough taste in his mouth. Torn between giving in to his body’s demands for rest and enjoying the soft touch while it lasts, he drifts on the edge of sleep and wakefulness, basking in the pleasant warmth.

Something rattles far behind him, jerking him fully awake. The touch withdraws.

Pushing his disappointment down, Hux takes a deep breath and rolls onto his back. Ren is sitting up in the middle of the bed with his legs stretched out, tapping away at his phone.

“Go back to sleep,” Ren says without looking, his tone sleep-gruff. “’s not morning yet.”

“Why are you awake, then?” Hux mumbles, though he doesn’t particularly care about the answer. A short night wasn’t enough to make up for six weeks of absence; Hux won’t be settled without at least a few more hours of sleep, another round and brunch.

Thank fuck it’s Sunday.

Ren doesn’t respond, focused on whatever he’s doing on his phone. Stretching languidly on the bed, “Come back here, Ren,” Hux purrs, kicking the covers away in the process. Ren’s eyes latch onto the bared skin.

“Can’t,” Ren says, shaking his head. The phone buzzes again, as if reminding them of itself—as if it gave Ren a chance to forget it. “Got plans.”

Hux’s mood sours. Plans. Ren has barely returned to the Core Worlds and he’s already making plans with others.

“What plans?” Hux asks, keeping his tone mild. It can’t be work; they don’t hide Snoke’s various demands from each other, if only so Snoke won’t be able to blindside them later. Ren doesn’t have any friends in this sector, either—none that Hux knows of, at least. Is it that girl? Is Ren running out of Hux’s bed straight into her arms?

Hux has never woken up in Ren’s bed, but he now knows how it would feel to be kicked out of it.

Ren is still typing, not even acknowledging the question. What the hell is he writing, a novel?

“Let me guess, then,” Hux says, poison-sweet. “Early breakfast with your sunshine?”

Ren freezes.

A vicious delight fills Hux. “Unless you two had urgent business to take care of at the Resistance HQ,” he continues evenly, ignoring the tension that thickens in the air between them. “First Order’s latest requisitions have put them in quite the bind; your mother is right to want you on-site, now that you’re—”

—pinned on the bed with Ren’s overly warm body covering his, Ren’s forearm across his throat and knees on Hux’s shins. Ren’s other hand presses Hux’s wrists into the mattress; so close to the knife Hux keeps between the mattress and the headboard, but at the entirely wrong angle to grab it.

“Bastard,” Hux hisses in Ren’s face, the bed groaning as he feebly tries to shake Ren off. Ren presses his knobbly knees harder into Hux’s legs in answer, as if trying to dig grooves into Hux’s bones. The pressure on his neck remains steady, only hard enough to make it uncomfortable to swallow. A half-hearted threat at best.

What a bloody embarrassment.

“You’re not supposed to know any of that,” Ren snarls, his nostrils flaring as he glares down at Hux. Hux stares back, keeping his gaze steady and his breathing even. He’s never been afraid of Snoke’s hound; that won’t change now. “I know Snoke forbid you from investigating me. Have you been fucking—fucking digging anyway?”

Hux scoffs. As if he’s got the time to dig into Ren’s life. “I was having a business dinner at the Starkiller last month, when you walked in with your lovely girlfriend.” It’s quite telling that Ren didn’t even notice Hux there, so captivated by her. “Have you ever noticed how her voice carries, Ben?”

Ren growls low in his throat like the beast he is, his shoulders and neck tensing. Inhaling deeply, Hux waits for the moment Ren will put his crushing weight on Hux’s windpipe, visualising his hands clenching and unclenching as his body struggles to draw air into his burning lungs, unable to even scrabble at Ren’s forearm. The spots in his darkening vision until he can’t see Ren’s face anymore. Waking up with bruises on his tender neck—or not waking up at all.

Ren can’t kill him, though. He isn’t allowed to, not until Hux outlives his usefulness for Snoke. Killing Hux now would mean Ren signing his own death warrant.

“That name,” Ren says lowly, his breath warm on Hux’s face, “isn’t for you to use. Nobody—nobody—can find out that you know it, or there will be consequences.” He gives Hux a long look, anxiety shining through the ebbing fury in his eyes. What happens if word of Ren’s real name gets out? What’s so important about it? “Hux. Do you understand?”

Hux scoffs. “Yes, damn you. I won’t tell anyone.” He wasn’t planning to anyway; this sort of personal information is more valuable as a bargaining chip. When the time comes, he’ll benefit from having leverage over Snoke’s protégé. It just might turn the tide in Hux’s favour.

Satisfied, Ren rolls off and away from Hux. For a moment, Hux can only breathe as his blood rushes back into his feet and hands with that pins-and-needles sensation. Something dark and ugly gathers in the pit of his stomach, a need to sink his teeth into Ren’s throat until he tastes blood rising in him.

Later. His chance will come later.

Ren’s found his trousers on the floor, putting them on. Hux feels oddly naked, vulnerable in only soft trousers while Ren dons his armour again.

Well, Hux is clearly not going back to sleep. Might as well start his day.

“I hope you realise that this cannot continue,” he says conversationally, stepping into his slippers. No point of pulling the sheets up; he’s going to throw them all in the wash as soon as Ren leaves anyway. “This double life of yours, I mean—it’s too much of a risk to allow.”

“It’s not a double life,” Ren grumbles, trying to shake the wrinkles out of his shirt. The spiteful part of Hux hopes that Ren won’t have time to change out of the mussed state Hux put him in before his plans.

“Well, what would you call it?” Hux asks, raising a brow. “Polished, charming Organa-Solo heir on one side, Snoke’s brooding enforcer on the other? Unless I’m wrong and you’re mixing business and pleasure, in which case Ben’s dry cleaner had better be very discreet.”

“I’m not—” Ren cuts himself off with a huff, his unbuttoned shirt hanging off his shoulders. His glare isn’t quite effective with the entire bed between them. “Look, Snoke knows. Okay? He encourages me to keep Ben Organa-Solo alive—to have past connections we can use. I’m doing his bidding.”

“Sunshine—or whatever her name is—she’s one of your honeypot assignments, then?”

Ren runs his teeth over his bottom lip. “I didn’t say that.”

The space behind Hux’s eyes is throbbing, the beginnings of a headache making itself known. Kriffing Ren and his kriffing inability to say one thing straight.

His robe hangs off the hook behind the door—a strategic mistake. “What, then?” Hux asks as he strides over to it, the luxurious fabric his lifeline to feeling a little more put-together. A little more like himself. “Care to explain how she fits into the picture?”

“None of your fucking business,” Ren mutters—suspiciously like around something. Hux is unsurprised to turn and find one of those death-sticks between Ren’s lips and a lighter in his hand, though annoyance is another matter entirely. “I’m doing my damn job; what more do you care?”

Hux fishes out an ashtray from his vanity with a pointed sigh, throwing it vaguely Ren’s way on the bed. Ren picks it up before dropping himself on the edge of the mattress, balancing the ashtray on a thick thigh.

“You wouldn’t be so cagey if you were only following orders,” Hux points out, ignoring the light tickle at the back of his throat. If Ren drops a smatter of ash on his carpets, there will be hell to pay. “What is it? Does she know something she shouldn’t?” Hux can make it go away, if she does.

“No, of course not. She knows nothing.”

Right. Very convincing.

Crossing his arms over his chest, “Is that so?” Hux asks, leaning a hip against the vanity. Ren barely glances at him before turning to the closed window, blowing the smoke out of a corner of his mouth. “Say, Ren, what does she think that you’re doing for a living? Snoke’s bodyguard works only so well when the man is bedbound. How do you explain your long trips abroad? Or the nights you return smelling of sex?”

Ren releases a long breath, loud in the otherwise quiet room. He ashes his cigarra and takes another drag, cool as you please, while irritation crawls underneath Hux’s skin.

It’s like Hux isn’t even kriffing there.

An odd desperation tugging at his chest, “Or maybe she already knows that you’re fucking someone on the side,” Hux throws, spitefully hoping for it to land.

Ren’s jaw works, his lips pressing into a line.

There.

It’s all of ten steps from his spot to Ren’s. “You’re loyal as a dog; I don’t imagine I’m your dirty secret,” Hux adds as he takes them slowly, satisfaction buzzing through him. Ren’s shoulders grow more rigid with each word, the ashtray moving as his legs tense. “Maybe it’s a thingbetween you two. Is that why you never shower here—because she likes smelling another man on you, feeling how open you still are from—”

“Rey’s my cousin, you jackass,” Ren snarls, a vein pulsing on his forehead. A knot unravels in Hux’s stomach. “What the fuck is it to you anyway? I know you don’t get lonely without me.”

The anger Hux was aiming for—the unmissable undercurrent of hurtin Ren’s tone gives him a pause. Hux hasn’t taken a lover since he and Ren started their… arrangement. He could have—and perhaps should have, instead of relying on his hand alone to get him through Ren’s weeks-long disappearances—but he didn’t even want to.

It worries him, sometimes.

“It’s a matter of security,” Hux says, waving it off. “Secrets have a way of leaking during pillow talk, you know that better than anyone.”

Ren laughs, bitter and hollow. Something in Hux twists at the sound. “Security,” Ren spits out, putting out the cigarra like it offended him personally. “Do you wanna do background checks on everybody I slept with while I was gone, then?”

Sharp hurt jolts through Hux.

Ren is staring at him with an intensity that borders on uncomfortable, waiting. Hux unclenches his jaw, breathing through his nose. “You’re an old hand at this; I’ll trust your judgment,” he responds, turning away. What is he doing, reacting to Ren? What the hell is wrong with him?

Ren grabs him by the wrist, jerking him to a stop.

Irritation rises in Hux again. “Ren,” he bites out in warning.

“No really, I think you should,” Ren says, a dark look shining in his eyes. “I don’t remember every name, but I can give you some other details. I’m sure your network of stalkers—sorry, slicers can find out enough.”

“My slicers have more important intel to chase after,” Hux bites out, looking pointedly at Ren’s hand around his wrist. The grip is loose enough that he might break himself free, but suffering the indignity of struggling doesn’t quite appeal to him. Once was enough. “Will you let me go?”

“Only if you admit it.”

Hux scoffs. “Admit what, exactly?”

“Admit that you’re jealous.” Hux goes ice-cold all over. “You hated thinking about me with Rey, didn’t you?”

Of course not. What a ridiculous claim. Hux holds a certain dislike for missing out on critical intel—understandable given his line of work—and finding out that he’s been left entirely in the dark about Ren, Snoke’s other right-hand man and the only person Hux remotely trusts in the First Order, was a bit of a hit. That’s all there is to it. He’s got no reason to be jealous of some girl who calls Ren by his given name, who can laugh and joke with Ren, be seen in public with Ren, who can loop an arm around Ren as they leave—

The dismissal gets stuck in his throat.

“Because I hated it,” Ren murmurs, looking into his eyes. Hux wants with his whole being to escape the depth of feeling in Ren’s earnest gaze—can’t look away. “Thinking about others warming your bed while I was fucked off on some bullshit mission that barely needed me—it killed me, Hux. Tell me you hated it, too. Tell me you want me to be only yours.”

Only Hux’s. As if Ren, with his constant need for attention and validation, wouldn’t chafe under Hux’s negligence.

Hux shakes his head, wishing he could shake off this spell just as easily. Ren must be similarly addled if he’s talking of fancies of flight like exclusivity. “You don’t know what you’re saying. This isn’t what we agreed on, Ren.”

The light in Ren’s eyes dims. Hux hates himself.

“You’re right,” Ren says, his tone just above a whisper. A glance downwards—he starts buttoning up his shirt like he’s being timed on it, only barely getting the order right. “Sorry I ruined it, I thought—never mind what I thought, I’ll just see myself out. You won’t see me again unless Snoke summons both of us, promise.”

Ren rushes past Hux and out of the bedroom, pulling the door closed behind himself. It hits Hux in the next moment that perhaps he should’ve stopped Ren.

Stars, what a kriffing mess. Hux intended only to stop Ren from jumping off a cliff in the hopes that Hux would follow, not to end what they had. Leave it to Ren to take it as an absolute rejection.

He takes a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. All right. All right. First step: He can’t let Ren storm off. Ren will be damn near impossible to get a hold of if he leaves like this; Hux’s network truly has more important matters to take care of. Hux needs to make him stay long enough to listen.

As for what Hux will say to fix this, well. He supposes he can tell Ren what Ren wants to hear. He can set his pride aside for a moment. It should be good, shouldn’t it? It should be enough.

It had better be enough.

Inside, Ren is nowhere to be found, his jacket and trainers gone. Hux hasn’t heard the Silencer’s roar, though. Hoping he’s not too late, he grabs his keys off the hook and dashes down the front stairs, catching up with Ren just as Ren reaches his bike.

“Ren,” he says, embarrassingly breathless.

Ren turns to him with wariness etched on his guarded face. He’s waiting for beratement, Hux suspects, or the tongue-lashing that Hux is famous for.

“I was lonely without you,” Hux confesses in a rush, words tumbling out of his mouth in his haste to get them out before they clog up his throat. “When you were away, I—I missed you. I did.” Do whatever you want with it.

A series of emotions cross Ren’s face, too fast to parse. A part of Hux—a part that will always remain Armitage no matter how hard Hux tries to purge it—wants to curl into a ball and hide from the moment Ren will laugh in his face for falling for such a blatant prank.

“Hux,” Ren breathes, breaking into a wide grin. It’s the goofiest, stupidest expression Hux has ever seen on his face—and entirely devoid of any mockery. “You missed me?”

“I won’t repeat it,” Hux says, ignoring the growing heat of his cheeks. Least of all in the middle of the street, where all his neighbours would overhear them if it weren’t shit-early on a Sunday—wearing nothing but his robe and slippers.

Stars. What a disgrace.

Ren’s phone buzzes loudly in his pocket. He fishes it out only far enough to silence it, letting it go to voicemail. “I really have to go,” he says with a touch of regret in his tone, running the backs of his fingers down Hux’s cheek. “But I’ll come back right after, okay? I’ll come back to you.”

Such coddling. Hux wants to roll his eyes, but the look on Ren’s face, the same one as when he said tell me you want me to be only yours, stops him.

“You had better,” he mutters instead. It’s a new sort of thrill, getting a genuine grin out of Ren.

Cupping Hux’s face, Ren presses a hard kiss on his lips before getting on his bike. Hux watches him leave with an inexplicably heavy heart.

He misses Ren already.

[deans-mind-palace]

Suspirium (Pt.7)

Pairing: Prof!Sam x Reader

Summary: You’re in your last year of your Classics and Mordern Languages studies and you’re majoring in Latin and English. Then you get assigned to a different Latin teacher. And damn, he loves his subject. Too bad that he’s also hot. What is just a childish crush soon develops into something way more complicated.

Word Count: 

Warnings: Fluff and not-so-slowburn-anymore

Author’s Note: Chapter 7. Had a hard time writing this. 

Like always, my tag lists for Sam (thereby also for this story) are OPEN

Or you catch up here: Suspirium - Masterlist

You and Sam had not talked about this incident in his car, even after he wrote you that he had arrived home safely. Your thoughts weren't with Sam either, though they probably should be. Instead, you stared at the screen of your cell phone as if paralyzed.

Adam: We have to talk!

Your throat was dry and you swallowed while gasping for air. How did he get your fucking number? You made sure you burned all the bridges behind you when you left that night. How the hell did they find you after four years? You slumped down on the wall and your phone fell out of your hand. Two days had passed since the news. Two fuckin' days you could've dreamt of Sam's lips, but here you were, sitting on the edge of a cliff, having a panic attack.

You moistened your lips because they were dry as dust. Only a few hours ago Sam's lips were on top of yours and now your small, intact, hard-won world was about to collapse like a house of cards. And all you could do was sit idly by and watch everything you had built up so hard break apart again.

If you didn't have other problems right now, it would fascinate you how fast life could turn. Just a moment ago you had kissed your professor and now, only twenty-four hours later, you were leaning against a wall as a sobbing mess. What irony of fate. "Optimum est pati quod emendare non possis. It is best to endure what you cannot change," muttered you Seneca's words softly. It was Saturday and you still had to write your term paper for Sam's class.

For a moment you thought about blocking Adam and simply deleting his message and then pretending that nothing had ever happened, but you knew that it was pointless. Adam was one of the most influential men in England, as was your father. If they wanted your number, they would get it. No matter what it costs. They all had enough money...

You spent the rest of the day writing at your work, trying not to give Adam a thought, nor to let her wander to Sam. Easier said than done. Especially when you were writing an essay for him. Although you tried it with a hot bath, with your favorite food and also a hot milk with honey, when that didn't help with tea, you slept badly at night. You and Sam had stopped texting, and you had a date for tomorrow. Your initial euphoria had ebbed and given way to the worry of how you would face him. Was it all just a mistake? A misunderstanding? Do you regret it? Did he regret it? Maybe you should just say that something came up and Sunday didn't work out? All those doubts were playing havoc with your head.

The night was restless, and you could barely get an eye closed. Again and again you woke up at the slightest noise. You rolled around in your bed until your blanket and pillow were at the foot of the bed, then you were too cold again. In the end, you slept only a few hours, which hardly contributed to your recovery. While you almost fell asleep with your head in your breakfast, you thought about whether you should tell someone. You had never told Maddie or Brooks about your past. And there was no one else. You stared wearily at the murky liquid in your coffee cup.

In a few hours you would have to show up at Sam's house and even though you didn't feel much joy, deep down you were happy to see him again. You spent a quiet day until your appointment and started getting ready for the meeting in the afternoon. You packed your manuscript and a few minutes later Sam wrote you his address.  

It wasn't hard to find. In fact, the apartment was only two blocks from yours, so you got there way too soon. You were just thinking about going for a walk, but by then, Sam's door was ripped open and he beamed at you. "Hey there, Y/N. Come in." With a smile, he stepped aside and let you in. And you felt a warm feeling in your heart. You looked around a little bit. It was a small but comfortable apartment. A bit sporadic, just like most men's apartments. The kitchen was open and led into the cosy living room, which like his office, was littered with bookshelves. In the middle was a big flat screen, which didn't quite fit into the picture. The hallway was divided from the living area by an open room divider. On a chest of drawers were some pictures of Sam and his brother. Next to them was a blue-eyed man with brown hair, around whom they had both wrapped one arm. The brothers were wearing band shirts and behind them the crowd of a concert could be seen. The picture was a bit blurred and while the two brothers were celebrating frolicsomely with beer in their hands, the third man seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable. He threw a reserved, almost shy smile into the camera and seemed calmer than his companions. Sam's eyes fell on the picture and he smiled, but said nothing.

Before you could look around any further, a scent rose up your nose and made your mouth water. Sam laughed when he saw your dreamy look. "I made pineapple chicken." You looked at him in surprise. "Well, it's the only dish I don't burn. I didn't want to risk serving you something burnt, so I better played it safe." You started to laugh. " Pineapple chicken is perfect." Sam was smiling. "Very good. So make yourself comfortable and make yourself at home." he instructed you, and an egg timer began to chime. "Isn't there anything I can do to help?" you asked, feeling somewhat useless and lost in the room. But Sam shook his head, causing a few brown streaks to fall on his face. "At least let me set the table," you asked and Sam nodded. "All right, then. Come with me, I'll show you where everything is."

While Sam pulled the nice smelling chicken out of the oven and turned it over, you set the table. Sam hummed to himself as he worked and reminded you once again how good it felt to be around him. The table was set, but Sam had insisted on having some wine. The problem was that the glasses were on top of the cupboard. You weren't little, but this was a household of a giant. "Sam?" "Huh?" "I can't reach the wine glasses." A throaty laugh rang out before Sam came into the kitchen. Before you knew it, he was standing right behind you. His body radiated a pleasant warmth and his aftershave enveloped you in a cloud. He was so close that you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. He had trapped you between the kitchen counter and his body and when you tried to turn, your nose almost touched his. "Wait." Suddenly you felt two strong hands on your hips lifting you up. After making a startled sound, you began to chuckle and fished two wine glasses from the shelf.

After Sam dropped you off, you turned to him again and you began to think about the kiss two days ago. None of you had mentioned it before... If you had wanted to, you could have counted the brown speckles in his green eyes, that's how close you were. You placed the wine glasses blindly behind you and his eyes followed your movements, because he still hadn't stepped back. The air crackled between you. You cleared your throat. "Will we talk about it?" you asked and could not suppress the hopeful undertone in your voice. Sam's eyes fixed you sharply and you turned inside under the gaze. "About what?" asked the brown-haired man and his voice sounded so deep and sensual that a shiver ran down your back. Even before you could answer, Sam bent over and pressed a quick kiss on your lips. Just long enough to get you hooked for more.

"You mean about that?" he asked as he withdrew with a mischievous grin to look at you. The guy knew exactly what he was doing to you and you wanted to give him a nasty look. You just managed to nod. He laughed softly and it was just a deep, sensual rumble in his chest. "Exactly." you brought out, but your voice almost broke. Hurriedly you buried your hands in his hair and pulled him towards you. A grin graced his lips as he paused just before your mouth and you whined in frustration. "Eager, are we?" he murmured. You scoffed, which made him laugh. This time it was up to you to bridge the gap between you. It was a passionate kiss, and Sam was so skilled, you couldn't get enough. You would have loved to kiss him all day long and with every kiss you would have forgotten your troubles a little bit more.

The egg timer ripped you apart rudely and you breathed heavily. You were still so caught in the feeling of Sam's lips that you couldn't open your eyes. You felt Sam's thumb stroke your lower lip and when you finally opened your eyes, Sam leaned his forehead against yours. His breath ghosted over your lips. You hated to break the silence between you two, but... "Sam, I think the food's about to burn," you muttered. Sam snorted. "Let it. I don't care." He sounded like a defiant child and that made you smile.

After a little persuasion, the food didn't burn after all and you talked the whole meal over. Sam was a superb cook, though he insisted it was the only dish he could manage. There was a familiarity between you that you had not felt in the presence of another human being for a long time. After everything was cleared away, you made yourselves comfortable on his sofa. Your legs were entangled and Sam held the manuscript over your heads as you discussed his notes. Now and then he would bend down and give you a kiss on the lips. None of you thought about university and all the people out there in the world who wouldn't like you. You wanted to freeze this moment forever. It was like a dream. Unfortunately, we all have to wake up from our dreams at some point...

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Sam Tags: @ashthefirefox @rintheemolion @fortheentries @vexhye@traceyaudette @zeppette @thewintersoldierswife@outofnowhere82 @mimzy1994 @myopiamystical​

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter One (Chris X OC)

Rating: M

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst

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@iammarylastar​​​ @captstefanbrandt​​​ @jewels2876​​​ @moonbeambucky​​​​ @badassbaker​​​ @everythingisoverrated​​​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​​​ @oliviastan17​​

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What happens if Chris survived the bank robbery?

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Five Years Later

The sun beat heavy on his bare shoulders, the skin pulling slightly with the beginnings of a sunburn. Chris tightened the final bolt then straightened, ducking out from under the reach of the truck’s hood, stretching his spine with a groan as he dropped the wrench with a clatter in with its mates then pulled a rag from his back pocket to wipe his hands.

He let the sun warm his face for a moment, eyes closed and contemplated; should he get a start on figuring out what was making the Adler’s van run so rough, or go eat lunch?

That was his life now, and he was content with it.

He’d just made up his mind, lunch first, Adler’s van second, when a new sound pierced his thoughts. Dropping his head from the sun’s warmth, he turned to look over his shoulder.

A late seventies Toyota Land Cruiser wheezed towards him. Although old, it was in decent shape, either an older restoration or just plain well cared for, but right now, it needed help. Chris watched as it wound down, seemingly like a wind-up toy petering out, and gasped one last time before stalling a few dozen feet away. All clearance lights, already dimmed, died instantly and Chris, although not a betting man, not since gambling with his life five years ago, would have laid odds on what the Toyota’s problem was.

The driver’s door opened as Chris approached and he felt a sudden jolt of electricity. Not even Erin’s kiss in that bar as they’d learned their cover had affected him like this. A woman stepped out, no… scratch that, an angel appeared.

Long auburn hair, faint strands of blond catching the sun; thick and wavy and just perfect for Chris to card his hands through. Sunglasses of probably the same vintage as the Cruiser were pushed up into that glorious mane to reveal a set of cat-shaped eyes in the most unique and breath-taking shade of lilac-grey Chris had ever seen. Faint wrinkles of worry marred the smooth heart-shaped face and then she was looking right at him and Chris felt like he’d been kicked in the guts.

“Hey- , uh. Car trouble?” He stuttered, feeling his face start to flame.

The faintest of smiles. “Yeah.”

“Sounds like your alternator.” Chris scrambled for steady ground; known terrain when the earth was practically shaking beneath his feet.

“I thought so,” she murmured, sounding resigned. She met his eyes and Chris felt a fresh jolt. “Do you think it took my battery out with it?”

A lopsided grin, the majority of people he helped had no idea what an alternator even was, let alone knew how it worked.  

“I’ll check that, if you got it here fast enough, it should be okay.”

She bit her lip for a moment. “How long will it take? I have to get to work.”

“Not long, I can have it done by this afternoon if I’ve got the part laying around.”

The woman flinched slightly. “I work late, I won’t be able to come back until tomorrow.”

“That’s fine. You said you had to work? I can take you-“ Chris was babbling and he knew it, forced himself to shut up. “I mean, if you’d like.”

The faint smile again, a hint of pink in her cheeks. Maybe he wasn’t the only one being thrown off his axis right now. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No, it’s fine.” Chris was inexplicably terrified of losing contact with this woman and if he’d had more time to think about it, it probably would have bothered him, this sudden attachment. “I’m just heading out to lunch; I can give you a ride. Where are you going?”

Her eyes met his, that strange lilac-grey seeming to pierce into his soul. After a heartbeat, something flickered in her gaze, something Chris would swear was fear. “No, thank you.” Her voice was firm now, insistent and Chris felt an unexpected and unexplained pang of disappointment. She reached into her purse and pulled out a flip phone.

Chris stood rooted to the spot, frozen, until the woman raised her head. “Would you like me to sign anything first?” Her voice was tentative again, as if she worried she’d angered him.

Chris swallowed hard, hating that she was slipping between his fingers and at the same time, absolutely stunned that it mattered so much to him already. What the fuck is wrong with you, King? “Yeah, follow me. I’ll make out a work order.” He turned and strode into the shop, heart hammering a frantic tattoo in his chest. Reaching the counter, he grabbed the necessary paperwork and a pen. “Uh, name?”

The woman had reached the other side of the counter and now shifted her weight, almost uneasily, as if she was leery even of giving Chris her name. “Raen.” She finally answered, pronouncing it like ‘Rain’. “R A E N Casteel.”

“And a number to reach you at?”

Another pause, as if weighing her options. Chris had studied body language and received more than enough training in the F.B.I. to read this woman’s behaviour. She had been hurt by someone in the past, badly, and was either running from it still or was just permanently marked, forever cautious around strangers, especially men. His heart ached with a sudden desire to pull her close and crush away all her bad memories, show her that not all love and all men meant pain; and track down the ratfuck that had made her this way to begin with. Finally, she offered a number, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Okay,” Chris scrawled the number, mind racing as he tried to organize his thoughts. He’d never been so thrown by someone in his life, not since her. In the space of only a few minutes, he’d gone from content and hungry, his biggest decision of the day being when and what to eat, to being absolutely swept up in a mysterious woman, ready to fight for her and kiss away her sorrow. But no.

He couldn’t.

He’d fallen hard for a woman before, and it had nearly killed him. He could not do that again.

“Alright.” He cleared his throat, forcing a casual tone. “I’ll look at it and give you a call and an estimate.”

“Thank you. If I don’t answer, please leave a message.”

“Sure.”

The woman gave him one last hesitant smile, then dropped the keys on the counter, turned and almost fled the shop, the door banging closed behind her. Chris watched her hurry away and disappear around the corner.

Jesus wept.

He wanted to help her, and not just by fixing her vehicle.

As soon as his doctors discharged him from the hospital, as soon as it wasn’t abject agony to move anymore (because Chris had gone cold-turkey on all hard drugs after), he’d left the F.B.I., taking all the compensation and bonuses offered to him for his service and sacrifice. Breaking the lease on his apartment, he’d loaded his truck (not the monster he’d driven as Undercover Chris, but his own) and pointed it east, intent on leaving L.A. and California and the west coast entirely, not stopping until the icy dread that ran rampant through his veins finally ebbed and he could draw a deep breath again.

Staying in L.A. meant memories, it meant driving past old haunts and neighborhoods, remembering his shitty past and even shittier career as a Special Agent; one that had started promisingly enough, especially for a delinquent kid who had more in common with the thugs he chased than the agents who hunted them, but had cratered hard when he’d accepted his last assignment.

Deep cover, a chance to advance and take out an asshole at the same time. Dangerous, but definitely worth it; and then he’d met her.

Erin Bell, his awakening and his ruin. His rise and his downfall. In her he’d found a partner, a fellow survivor of a hellish childhood and for a time, he’d been in love. Blinded by the light, as the song went.

He’d let himself believe he could have it all, that he and Erin could give the middle finger to Silas’ gang, to the F.B.I., Sheriff’s Office and the whole fucking world and just run off together with a shit-ton of stolen money.

How wrong he’d been. At the last moment, his conscience had finally intervened, and he remembered the fright and tears in that blonde teller’s eyes as Silas had screamed at her, the abject terror in her innocent face. As he’d watched Silas drop the duffels, spewing tell-tale purple clouds and storm back into the bank, the haze had lifted from his mind and even Erin’s horrified, pleading stare hadn’t been enough to bring it back.

No one gets a fuckin’ scratch. He’d vowed, but he’d been the na��ve one then.

“F.B.I.!” His words hadn’t had the desired effect, Silas hadn’t fl0undered in shock or dropped to his knees in acquiescence; it was like he’d known and, looking back, he probably had, trading Arturo for Chris at the last moment, the psycho had at least suspected someone was a mole and Chris had been the one to break cover.

The memory of the burn from the bullets was something that still woke Chris up from a dead sleep, multiple points of agony in his torso, a line of fire on his scalp. That last bullet Silas gave him, aimed as the kill shot to his skull as he lay gasping and already dying on the grimy industrial carpet of the bank; had, depending on your viewpoint, either saved or doomed Chris, missing his brain and splitting a line on his scalp instead. Silas hadn’t noticed as he’d stalked out and Chris carried that scar to this day, visible at all times because although he hated thinking about his past, he’d kept the shorn head and facial hair.

If asked, he couldn’t explain why, but maybe it really was to remember, even though he hated to. Seeing Undercover Chris, with a buzz cut and goatee everyday in the mirror was his penance. He couldn’t, he didn’t deserve to go back to the neatly-groomed man he’d been before, hair longer and fluffy and worthy of a woman running their fingers through it; he wasn’t that man anymore, for better or worse.

He’d driven until his truck had made the choice for him, quitting in this mid-sized town in New York state, lasting long enough for him to limp it into this very mechanic’s shop. A chance comment from the owner, that he needed a new mechanic, had been the catalyst for Chris to stay, at least for awhile.

As a kid, knowing through bitter experience that his own mother was an unreliable source, Chris had kept himself alive with his hands. More specifically, using his hands to fix and tinker. A few hours working on the neighbor’s broken lawnmower earned him enough to eat for a week, the car he’d traded a day’s worth of small engine work for and spent two months of weekends working on before selling to the plumber down the street helped him make it when his mother finally OD’d and he’d needed to keep himself afloat, keep the nosy housewives on the block from calling CPS and reporting a child left alone. Not that they’d have been overly concerned for Chris’ wellbeing, his mother had supported her drug habit by spreading her legs for anyone with cash or drugs, and most if not all of these women’s husbands had partaken at one time or another, meaning Chris was practically guaranteed abandonment when the real object of their fury and indignation was gone, and only her son was left to blame.

That history had been his fuel for a time, spurring him to apply for the F.B.I., encouraging and driving his ambitions to make something of himself, to be more than the fatherless son of a crack-whore.

And, for a time, he had been. He’d been more. Chosen for the assignment, entrusted with the delicate task, but he’d fucked it up, as it was in his genes to do and it still burned sometimes to think about it.

And now, working at the shop had kept him busy, tired him out enough that sometimes he was even too exhausted for the nightmares. So, when the old man had announced his retirement two years later, Chris had offered to buy the place.

For almost three years now he’d been here, running his own business, continuing and building on the shop’s reputation in town, paying Karma back with steady and honest work.

But was Raen another Erin? Another flash fire that would only leave him staggering and burned, another paradigm shift in his already jagged and torn existence?

He’d worked so hard to rebuild his life, was he ready to risk it all again?

[wordsturnintostories]

Of Tears and Flowers

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.669 Warnings: um. lotsa insecurities and worries Author’s Note: this was a request (my first - waaaaahhh) and besides tagging @mizzezm , I would like to tag @nataliarxmanxva (especially) and give this to her in the same way because I know she is having a hard time at the moment and I just want you to know I care and I want to cheer you up. Love you, my rose blossom.

Request by @mizzezm: Hey hun was wondering if you could do a Bucky x Reader where the reader is having issues with confidence and Bucky helps her out. I sure can and I sure did! Here you go, love, hope this works for you. :)

“What are you doing, Bucky? I told you I need to study and I need silence and you are everything but silent, in case you haven’t noticed. Mr. Mathematics already hates me enough, I don’t need another bad grade”, you complained when your boyfriend Bucky rummaged through your room. He might’ve been a pro-assassin, but he’d begun to be so comfortable with you that one day, he stopped sneaking around - which was awesome, seriously, it was progress and you were glad Bucky got better, but right now you just wished he was somewhere else. Instead, he just mustered you from the side. “Are you - no, don’t answer that. I know you’re not fine.” “I am, Bucky, I just nee-“ “Nu-uh. That’s not true. You are not fine, I see it in your eyes. Your stress level is up here”, he raised his hand somewhere above his head, “and you have been sitting in the same spot for at least”, he did a quick count of the used coffee mugs piling up on your desk, “four hours now? You, milady, are in dire need of a -“ “Of a quiet environment, I agree. So get your ass out. Just let me study.”

Bucky stood in the room for a few seconds, completely frozen. When your angry eyes met his', your heart skipped a few beats. His mouth was open and the expression on his face would’ve been the same if you had slapped him in his face. You noticed his metal hand pull into a fist. Concern was etched into his face, or maybe it was just the blank reaction to your rude attack. It left you with a cold empty feeling in your stomach. You shouldn’t be like this to him. He didn’t know Maths had risen to this level of evil in schools nowadays and he couldn’t know the teacher was an ass and he also didn’t know you still had five other assignments and that you hadn’t been sitting there for four hours but six. He knew these classes were absolutely not your idea of life, but he did not stand in your shoes. He was happy with his job, actually, he blossomed now at facing the possibilities opening up for him like elevator doors. But you were stuck in your stupid college seats, left with the bitter taste of inner yearns for more exciting matters. You were stuck with the nagging doubts that all of this was useless crap and turning to something else at this point into your studies was educational and occupational suicide. You just wanted to open your mouth to apologize or well, say anything, but he left. Bucky just left you, you and your miserable mess, closed the door. It took ten seconds until you heard something crash outside.

And that was it. Tears bubbled up, from your inside water reservoir of the last two months. Everything you’d pushed away violently pushed to the surface now and soon, you sank to your knees, seeking refuge under the desk, in some little corner where you could lean against the wall. They shook you, all those outbursts you should’ve had in the last weeks, all the tears and cries you should’ve let out when they were still fresh. But you hadn’t and now, they overwhelmed you. You hated it. Every time. This was what happened every time. Just because you let the entire stress get to you. Just because you thought too hard and decided too fast and regretted even the simplest things - things you would never worry about. Like skipping breakfast, like changing your bathroom routine. Like eating quesadillas for dinner, like letting all those dishes sit in the sink. Like buying a new potted plant or accepting that assignment with the guy sitting next to you in writing class instead of Wanda, who was sick right now. Like not calling Clint back, like not thinking of Scott’s daughter’s birthday. Like a thousand things, that were all important, and all not existential. But every of those things fueled your doubts, which in turn tried to suffocate you and your dreams - you didn’t even know which was worse. Every time before the exams you turned into an emotional wreck because they robbed you of every ounce of confidence you could muster and left you only with a discomforting sense of insecurity concerning your future, your present, and even your past. What would you do with these scores? No one cared. All this reading material was nonsense, why were they even trying to stuff that into you? Your future would be defined by these hours and all you did was cry over some stupid exams. What if you failed? No, what if you just switched classes, maybe? Every employer would see the last semesters as wasted time and decline your applications. You cried even harder, not seeing What would you do with these scores? No one cared. All this reading material was nonsense, why were they even trying to stuff that into you? Your future would be defined by these hours and all you did was cry over some stupid exams. What if you failed? No, what if you just switched classes, maybe? Every employer would see the last semesters as wasted time and decline your applications. You cried even harder, not seeing Every employer would see the last semesters as wasted time and decline your applications. You cried even harder, not seeing You cried even harder, not seeing any way this could turn into something good. Your future was a mess. Do what you love. What a crap. The world didn’t work that way.

At one point, your overwhelming tears ebbed away and there it was again, this annoying cold feeling you always got from crying. Maybe that was a default setting or a warning for All hope is lost. You still sat under your desk. You were alone. Bucky had probably left the house, most likely would’ve gone to hang with Steve. And you didn’t blame him. Well done, you scolded yourself, great job. And you call yourself an adult. Wiping your tears away, you slowly got back into your chair, turning to your papers. Great. The paper was drenched with tears and your calculations were smudged and useless. A blast of anger erupted in you and with one hot move, you ripped the page out of the notebook, crumpled it up and tossed it behind you, into the room. Only it didn’t land. Your eyebrows scrunched up and you turned around. There he stood, Bucky, with the paper ball in his hand. An almost shy smile was on his cheeks when he looked up to you and he waited as if to ask for your permission to enter the room. Bucky was a sweet guy, after all, who always tried to respect you in the ways he acted. “I’m - I’m sorry, Bucky. I just, I-“, you shuddered, embracing the feeling of awfulness that you deserved for being so mean to him. “I feel like everything I do is wrong and everything is just - crap. Like I can’t keep doing this and I also can’t do anything else because I’ll only make it worse and - and yeah, that’s it, basically.” He took that as a permission to enter because seconds later, he stood right in front of you, in his gray sweatpants and that hoodie you’d given him for his last birthday. He didn’t touch you, not yet, because he knew you were still processing your inner conflict and physical touch could go wrong at this point of time. “I know”, he suddenly whispered and you held your breath. Why? You weren’t sure yourself, but here Bucky Barnes stood before you, with a mimic that mirrored the exact way you felt on the inside. And then it hit you - your struggles were stupid because Bucky had gone through so much worse and that was the reason why you had subconsciously decided to not tell him the reasons behind your recent stress. “You know what; it’s nothing. Bucky, it’s okay. It’ll all be over in a few days and -“ “Don’t say that. You need to get better right now. Come with me.”
“And where are we going?” 
“And where are we going?” 
Bucky just smiled, but dragged you behind him, first into his room, where he went to his drawer, pulling out a second hoodie and another pair of sweatpants, which he threw at you. “Pull them on”, he said and left, again, leaving you with no choice than to follow his orders. Whatever he had in mind, it better be good, you thought while changing your clothes. Immediately, the only scent left was Bucky’s, from the moment his sweater was in close proximity to your head. You took a deep breath and spent an extra minute to pull it on. It felt good leaving your head inside his sweater, where all you could see was the fabric, where nothing else mattered and where his pleasant scent offered calm comfort. When you walked into the general living area, a rumbling sound came from the kitchen. Bucky made tea, you realized, and not just any tea, but the one you had gotten from a friend once and not opened yet because it was friggin’ expensive tea and which day was worth spending that kinda tea on? Not an awful day of (stu)dying, that was for sure. “What is happening, Bucky?” He turned around with a confident smile. “You are in a crisis”, he stated very matter-of-factly, “and I will pull you out.” “Is that so?” “Mh. It’s what you gotta do.” “What? Make her tea when she is rude to you?” He looked you in the eyes for a long moment before leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. Every part of his body was relaxed and he smiled a lopsided smile. Just for you, your heart chirped blissfully. That smile is reserved for you and only you. “You’ve seen me in way worse shape, doll. Don’t think I’m mad at you for that little outburst.” “I shouldn’t have freaked out.” “Maybe not. We all do stupid things when life doesn’t treat us right.” “What? Like punching Steve?” Bucky grinned and with one big step, he was by your side. Mischief was in his eyes. “Hey! I said stupid, not reckless.” “Oh, like hiding Sam’s wings is any better. 
Bucky tickled you, triumphing when you started to wiggle around and pant. Instead of shrieking, you resolved to little noises of distress, but to be honest, you welcomed this pleasant ease that your boyfriend handled you with. “Someone is asking for a real tickle fight”, he grinned, but when you shook your head, he stopped, taking you into a tight hug instead. You stood like that for a while, just basking in Bucky’s glorious presence. Some strands had slipped out of his man bun and tickled your cheeks now, but what was even better was the strong beating of his heart that calmed you. The rhythm of life, you thought, only realistically, life was more messed up. Full of choices, full of decisions you wished you weren’t expected to make and full of unforeseeable events that you dreaded. Bucky must’ve felt you tense up again, because he let go of you, pulled the tea bags out of the mugs and handed one to you. Then, he grabbed his phone, typing around, doing his usual annoyed face when his metal fingers clanked against the screen - a sound he hated but always forgot to avoid when starting to type - and looked up again.

You followed him outside into your small backyard with just enough space for a little table, two chairs, a tiny garden with some flowers sharing the ground with your first attempts of vegetables and some grass. “What now, Mr. Therapist?” Bucky sent you a half-amused, half-concerned look, but kept going with whatever he was doing on his phone. You took a sip of your tea and God, this was heavenly stuff. Made all normal tea taste like puddle water. A sigh lay on your lips, along with a smile. If this was Bucky’s plan to make you feel better, it was working without him being overly involved. “Okay, so, Steve showed me this method to feel better whenever I’m stressed and -“ “Steve? Blonde guy, tall, shield, World War Two- Veteran- Steve…?” “No, his therapist Steve.” “Didn’t think so. Wait, you’re telling me Steve - our big, beautiful Steve - has a therapist named Steve.” That sounded more like a question, but it was so absurd, you couldn’t hide your laugh. “Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say.” Bucky grinned wide, of course, he’d meant to say that. Just to get you to giggle. That was his craft, after all. “Are you sure it’s not just his reflection in the mirror?” “Very. Okay, so Steve-“ “Steve No.2”, you interrupted. “Yes, Steve No.2 taught me this. I know you have a lot on your mind, but this is gonna be perfect. Look, just sit on the grass, close your eyes, listen to the music, and breathe with me, okay?” “Okay, Bucky.”

He started to play the music from his phone and boy, this was it. You breathed and suddenly, breathing defined your body. The feeling was so foreign, but actually, this way of breathing consciously made you wonder if you had ever really breathed before. Every ounce of the heavy stress crumbled away like dry mud on moving skin and a wonderful kind of peace started to fill you. Your insecurity lost its ground, it just slipped away. For the second time of the day, tears rolled over your face, but this time, tears of joy. A new thought claimed your mind - maybe this was what you would’ve needed long ago. You weren’t sure what it was but felt blown away, literally lighter. It was gonna be alright, you would make it work. The song ended and your eyes landed on Bucky. “You okay, doll?” You nodded shakily and he awed you, quickly pulling you into his arms, cooing and rubbing your back, even massaging your shoulders gently, which left you with no options other than to sink into his touch. Bucky was a treasure, a real treasure. His eyes were gentle when they found yours, your cheeks resting in his hands. You cherished this moment, although you kinda wished you could put it into a little box and pull it out whenever you’d need it in the future. Bucky pulled you in, letting your head rest against his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask how you were the last days”, he whispered into your ear while you found perfect shelter in his lap. “I realized you were stressed, but I didn’t help. I’m sorry. If you want to, we can do this together every day now. We’ll just start our days like this. And we’ll go back to this whenever you need it. But you gotta let me know how heavy your little heart is. Promise?” “Yeah, Bucky. Thank you.” “Anything for my sweetest little girl, who is so smart even the teachers should be afraid of her. She is so precious and so adorable and look at her, what a beauty”, he praised and you couldn’t stop the blush. You quickly covered your face with the oversized sleeves smelling like the wonderful man in front of you, who didn’t dare to stop.  “And awww she’s too cute. Just look. I love her when she blushes cause even her ears turn red. And that’s not even the best thing about her. Her true beauty is hidden inside and when you take care of her, she blossoms for you, blessing you with her beauty. But beware the princess when she studies! For the evil magic of Mathematics has turned her into a fire-breathing dragon!” Bucky’s voice changed into a deep narrator voice and made you giggle. He looked down amusedly. The dreamy look on his face was heavenly because he chose to shower you with his most genuine emotions and words. It amplified him, his breathtaking, hidden nobility. And it let you know he had chosen you with the intent on keeping you. For today, tomorrow and the future. Relief flooded you. The future. Bucky was your future and that was your game-changer, your lifesaver. “Dragons don’t giggle”, he noted. “And you are not the narrator.” “Oh? Who am I?” “The Prince? Duh.” “Oh, really? You called me the therapist a few minutes ago.” “Shut up. You’re my everything.” “Okay, doll.”

The Playlist for you

(Steve No.2’s advice actually worked for me, so I decided to put it into a drabble and share it with you.)

Tony Anderson: Ember

Ludovico Einaudi: Fuori dal Mondo

Sleeping At Last: North

Ben Howard: Promise

Brian and Jenn Johnson: You’re Gonna Be Ok

Comment, reblog, fill my Askbox and tag your friends! :)

Masterlist

Permanent Tags: @nataliarxmanxva, @aubzylynn, @inappropriatepirate, @buckysmusculararm, @coffeeismylife28, @mitra-k-w, @captainmomofoshosho, @sarahwroteathing, @engineeringgirlcve, @borderline-person-deactivated20, @tequilavet, @aquabrie, @221bshrlocked, @waywardpumpkin, @fanboyswhereare-you

[impalaanddemons]

Good Girl! - Part 4

Summary: Werewolf!Reader Story. Readers a young doctor and uses her skills to keep her condition hidden, until she transfers to the Enterprise and tries to deceive a certain grumpy Doctor

Bones x Reader

Wordcount: 1295

A/N: We’re slowly getting into the story.. or are we?

This fiction is set in AOS

Warnings: Maybe body horror for some ppl? There is an f-bomb too.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

When you woke up the next morning you were still changed, but didn’t mind. You had a free shift and despite your confinement, you felt pretty good. Everything was somewhat fuzzy in your head, but that was how things were as a wolf. Human thoughts did not fully translate to wolf thoughts and vice versa. You got up, stretched your hind legs and ruffled the fur in your neck - more to see if you could do it, then to display anything in particular. Tapping through your room with the gentle click-click of your claws on the artificial ground you found a piece of meat your human self had left for you. There was still the urge to run in your body, the urge to hunt and be free, wind on your nose - but you had the vague but persisting feeling that this was not possible. You remembered mating with someone the night before and it filled your body with excitement and content. You hadn’t done so in a long time and just like repressing the urge to run, it was not healthy. Your wolf self knew that as well as your human self, but was more willing to admit it. The dark eyed doctor had been your partner, something you’d never expected. But if everything went according to your wolf self, there’d be a lot of places on this ship you and the Doctor could use to explore each other. You bared your teeth and snarled.

The taste of raw meat occupied your mind for the next few minutes, your ears only twitching when someone was close, feet shuffling outside your room. The beeping of your communicator signaled to you that it was about time to change back. Your flanks raised and sank with a small whine. The desire to change back was small - something in your guts told you that this was not the way you were supposed to live like. That someone like you needed something else. Nevertheless you sat down, crouched and changed.

You had never seen your change from the outside, nor did you wish to. You had nightmares about being stuck in between. Nightmares about watching you from the outside - gruesomely bones breaking, shifting under your skin. Hair retreating and falling out. The sharp snap of your skull cracking and reforming. And it hurt. It was a sea of pain with no end to it. You had never found a way to alleviate the pain. There was only so much to cut back a cry of pain and the heavy panting associated with the pain. Almost too much to bear, you felt exhausted and hungry and irritated after every change, longing for a sedative. And while you changed, while your fingers snapped back into position and your back reformed itself to allow for an upright walk, memories flooded back. Counting sedatives, the importance of hiding away, his lips on yours. Heated, passionate sex in his office. You groaned under the thought and a last wave of pain that left you panting on the floor, taking deep breathes as the pain ebbed away and left you tired lying there. Thoughts did not translate well. There was a fuzzy memory of eating that meat you had left outside and of vague feelings regarding your situation. It was more like emotions carrying over - emotions that were attached to situations and persons. The stuff that kept you from doing stupid werewolf-myth things: You did know not to eat your Captain and that biting and killing was bad. You just didn’t know on a rational level as a wolf, but on a primal level that connected these things with harm to yourself. It did make it difficult to lie to yourself - you may have had rationalized all attraction to your CMO away as a human, but being a wolf „lying“ was just no concept you fully got. Let alone lying to yourself. So, to safe yourself from trouble, you tried to refrain from self-deception as far as possible. Even if it meant fucking on an office table. Not that you regretted anything. The memory still sent shivers down your spine.

Ten or fifteen minutes later you finally got up, still a bit shaky on your feet and your stomach growling with hunger. Your change - or when you were injured in that regard - where the only times your body needed exponential more calories then a normal human did - you had calculated that this was simply the law of conservation of energy. Still naked you went over to the replicator for a big breakfast - bacon, waffles, pancakes - butter with your pancakes and syrup and sausages. After shoving the second batch of pancakes down - and only then starting to feel at least a little full - you picked up your PADD.

From: CMO, Leonard McCoy To: Doctor Y/N Y/L/N Subject: Physical Exam

Message: Y/N

I know you’ve got a non-working shift today, but maybe you’ll join me for a coffee and a midnight run?

Leonard

This is an automated signature -Every staff member of medbay reminds their assigned patients of quarterly physical exams. Exams are due until 2260.237. Fill out form 23C to be granted extension in special cases.

You giggled and put your PADD to the side. Your focus was still on food at this point, so you grabbed some more bacon. There was also the case of dog - well wolf - hair covering the floor of your quarters. Another Bling and another message. You wiped your hands with a towel and tapped at your PADD.

From: CMO, Leonard McCoy To: Doctor Y/N Y/L/N Subject: Fwd: Physical Exam

Y/N

excuse the signature! This was of course a personal message. Subject in case Jim gets his hands on my PADD again while drunken and files through whatever he deems interesting. I could pick you up at your quarters, end of Beta shift?

Leonard

Again, you put the PADD back and finished your breakfast, silencing your growling stomach. Priorities were important with your condition. Only after you finished eating you typed a reply to the doctor:

From: Doctor Y/N Y/L/N From: CMO, Leonard McCoy Subject: Re: Fwd: Physical Exam

Doctor McCoy

hope you had a good nights rest. Will gladly have coffee with you. See you at end of Betashift.

Y/N

You got up with a smile on your face and started cleaning up. The next few hours went by fast - you had to get rid of the wolf hair, so that it wouldn’t accidentally end up in a cleaning bot. You would have to collect and burn it at some point on your voyage, but you felt assured that an opportunity would present itself sooner or later. Thank god you didn’t shed too bad. You had disinfectants to wipe the floor with in an effort to remove salvia and whatever you couldn’t brush away with the hair before. Next step: Taking a hot shower to get rid of the smell of wild animal.

Just as change of shift commenced, someone knocked at the door. That smile on your face widened and you grabbed a hypo with a sedative. It knocked again. „Coming!“, you yelled. You felt hot blood flushing through your veins. Your heartbeat wild and fast. Maybe .. You stashed the hypo away behind your bed. Unused. „Doctor McCoy“, the door slid open when you touched the screen next to it. You held your breath. He looked at you, a hint of concern in his eyes, carefully assessing you. For a moment you thought there was fear too. But whatever it was you saw vanished quickly behind his usual demeanor, albeit not as harsh as before last night. „Y/N“ he said and you smiled, flattening your uniform dress with your hands. „Let’s go for a coffee.“

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[cbsnforeverandalways]

Title: The way we touch is so unique (and when we touch I’m shivering) Author: cbsnforeverandalways/iwalkalone258 [ao3] Character(s): Barry Allen, Iris West, Scott Evans, Cisco Ramon Category: Romance Rating: R Timeline/Universe: Earth 1 Word Count: 3,017 Chapter(s): 1 of 1 Summary:  It’s moments like these that make her forget that she might not have forever with him. These moments are so much more than memories, they’re everything to her.

A/N: Originally I wanted to get this out yesterday before 3x13 premiered but my schedule didn’t permit me to have such luxuries so I decided to upload this today. I really hope you guys enjoy this. I had so much fun writing it. I literally enjoyed every single word but that’s what WA does to me. The title comes from “Bad Things” By Machine Gun Kelly ft. Camila Cabello. I want to add that Beyonce’s self-titled album “Beyonce” played a large rule in this fic. I listened to that album and thought of WA. It’s such a sexy fit for them. The timeline for this fic is two days after 3x12 happened. I know 3x13 picks up the same night but I wrote this before I saw the episode last night and I decided not to change anything. So the events of 3x13 in this timeline happens at the end of this fic. This is my first time publishing the smut I have written so guys please be nice. I am not very confident in the smut department but I wanted to write this for WA. I hope I did a good job. I hope you all like. Enjoy and please tell me how I can improve after you’ve read it. Thanks :) @grabetsi @inksmudge @irissswests @loislanekent I decided to tag you guys because I love your blogs and you guys are amazing. i hope you like!

-

Barry:  Lunch ltr?

She sees his text immediately after it’s delivered. It’s a ritual for them at this point, to grab lunch every day at noon. Iris quite enjoys seeing him as much as she can during the day. She enjoys being around him way too much for any sane person to admit.

Iris: You know it. It’s your turn to pick btw :P

When Scotts ventures into her office five minutes later, he stops right in his tracks. Iris is typing away at her laptop but there’s a pinch of red dashed across her cheekbones and this huge shit eating grin lighting her features.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” He comments leaning a shoulder on the doorframe. Iris glances up then, her eyes welcoming him in greeting.

“Good morning Scott,” She says and he nods back in acknowledgement before holding up the manila folder in his grasps.

“I have an assignment for you,” He wiggles the file which causes Iris to glance at the blue object in curiosity. She stands and walks around to lean against the front of her desk. This is a regular occurrence between them. Every morning right after she gets in Scott normally shows up with a couple of assignments for her to work on.

“Yeah?”

“Yep, it’s about a robbery that happened in Keystone earlier this morning.” One of Iris’s perfectly manicured eyebrows shoot up.

“Keystone?”

“Mhm, I think there’s a connection between the string of robberies that’s been happening here,” Scott pushes off the doorframe to hand her the file. “There’s some similarities I’ve noticed and when you review the data you’ll see what I’m talking about,”

Iris takes the folder from him, not waiting another second to flip it open. There’s a couple of printed pages along with Scott’s notes. She skimps each page, drawing a conclusion almost instantly.

“I see your point. These places have all been broken in to but only the red beryl goes missing every time.” The red beryl is worth more than any piece of gold. It’s a rarity and a gem that can only be found in certain jewelry stores. But why only red beryl? She thinks, looking down at the documents in her hands. Why not take everything in sight?

“Yeah, and you wanna know what makes it even stranger? There’s no signs of a forced entry. It’s almost as if the perpetrator already has access.” Iris releases a sigh. She understands now why this story stood out to him. She doesn’t say it out loud but she thinks this just might all boil down to a teleporting meta with a fetish for red beryl.

“I’ll look into it,” She tells him, closing the folder in her hands. There goes lunch with Barry.

-

Iris: Raincheck?

She’s packing up her things waiting for Barry to reply. She has to drive into Keystone to speak with the owner of the jewelry store and find out exactly how all of this connects for the article she plans on publishing in Sunday’s paper.

Barry: Sure :( You okay? Iris: Yeah baby, I have to follow up with a robbery in Keystone. Barry: Okay, be careful. See you tonight. Iris: Babe… Barry: I know, you’re always careful.

Iris doesn’t respond right away this time. She figures he’s worried because of what happened three days ago with the meta who almost killed her with the touch of his hand. Instead she pursues her lips into a thin line and heads down to her car.

She only has four months to live after all. That places a suffocating damper on her drive to Keystone. Even though she knows Barry will do every, and all things to protect her, the ebbing fear of her demise never seems to vanish. Now it just lurks right below the surface, waiting to strangle her into submission.

-

It’s later in the night when she finally pushes her key into the door of their loft. She’s exhausted but excited to be home. After going on a wild goose chase with the Keystone P.D. she finally obtained what she needed to start writing about her red beryl stealing thief.

“Babe?” She calls closing the door behind her and slipping out of her heels. All the lights are off except for the lamp in the living room and that gives her a hint on where she can find him. Iris settles her purse and laptop bag on the dining room table as she passes.

When she sees him a silly grin appears on her lips. He’s laying on the sofa, headphones in with his MacBook propped on his chest. She wastes no time, and crawls on top of him.

Barry pulls out his headphones with little finesse, his head tilting back to gaze up at her in alarm. She bets that if she places a hand over his chest, she’ll feel the thunderous beat of his heart.

“Did I scare you?” She questions, wearing a sneaky smirk. He nods back and forth ‘no’ before closing the lid of his laptop, his features relaxing into one of ease.

“Liar.” She straddles his hips as she accuses him but he only smiles. When she’s around sometimes that’s all he can do. Leaning over he settles both the laptop and headphones on the center table, his hands finding her thighs immediately.

“Glad you could spare little ol’ me some of your time.” He comments, his palms rubbing up and down her thighs in no set pattern. Usually Barry touches her whenever he can. He loves the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair and the way she always responds to his touch. Dammit, he just…loves her.

Iris pulls out the elastic holding her hair back in a ponytail and eyes him, her mouth quirking upwards at his silliness.  

“So not only are you a liar but now you’re jealous too?” She’s teasing him of course, and that comes out when he laughs showcasing his perfect smile. Iris ends up lost whenever he smiles at her like that.

He leans up on one of his elbows and before she can run her fingers through her hair to ease the tension he does it for her. This is his favorite part of the day; when they both come home after exhausting twelve hour shifts and she’s undressing in front of him.

Her eyelashes flutter downwards as she tilts her head closer to his hand. She is in pure bliss. The gentle tugging of her hair only intensifies when she feels the hot open mouth kisses he places down the column of her neck.

It’s moments like these that make her forget that she might not have forever with him. These moments are so much more than memories, they’re everything to her. Iris hums in pleasure, her fingers curling into the collar of his sweater, holding him close.

Barry palms the back of her head and kisses her waiting lips. It starts out slow, languid. He explores every inch of her mouth, like he’s memorizing every detail. It’s like he wants to remember how she moves her tongue against his and the sounds he elicits when he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth the way he’s doing now.

He sits up, no longer using the sofa to balance his weight, and slips a hand underneath her dress to splay on her thigh. This is crazy, she thinks, to want someone so badly after being away from them for sixteen hours. It’s complete insanity.

Her hands slide down his chest, glimpsing the off kilter rhythm of his heartbeat. It’s unfair how much she loves this man. When he breaks the kiss she goes in for another but he’s already nibbling on her earlobe. There’s a hard pressure between her thighs, and the longer his hand stays pressed against the heat of her skin, the more she wants him inside of her.

“Barry,” She breathes, her head lulling back. She’s putty in his hands, malleable and ready to give him everything he’s ever dreamed of. Her fingers slink into the soft strands of his hair and all she wants to do is rip all of their clothes off but she exhales instead. Allows the thought to float somewhere off into space.  

Barry uses his other hand to palm one of her breast, marveling in the weight of it. He breathes in her breathy moan when he fastens his lips over hers again. Shivers race down her spine at the way he’s sucking all of the oxygen out of her lungs.

She finds the hand resting on her thigh and takes it into hers. His hands are so much larger than hers but she manages to slip it between her thighs. She needs him to touch her. She needs to feel the heat of his skin on hers, the nibble of his teeth tugging her nipple into his mouth. She needs to feel the hard length of him rocking her body into oblivion. A deep moan is wretched from her gut at the mere thought of it all.

But he removes his hand from between her thighs and draws away suddenly. She’s about to protest when she feels herself being lifted up and settled back on the sofa, her head resting just below the arm. Barry’s now over her, his lean frame fitting between her legs perfectly. He ghosts a kiss over her swollen lips before moving down her body. She knows what he wants and who is she to deny him?

She groans at the pressure of his mouth on the inside of her thigh seconds later, anticipation making every cell inside her body stand on alert. Even though she wants to touch him, she balls her fists at her sides, and lifts her body in need. She wants him so badly. Sometimes, she thinks, for a writer she never has enough words to explain how much.

Barry hikes her dress up to her waist and she watches him under heavy lidded lashes. He runs roughened hands over the expansion of her now bare skin. There’s something so sexy and erotic when he’s between her thighs. The way the pupils of his eyes darken to a deep forest green as he watches her watch him suck her into capitulation. God.

He pushes her legs wider and hooks her calves over his shoulders. She allows her eyes to drift close after she feels the wet sweep of his tongue over the small bundle of nerves between her thighs. There’s so much going on inside of her body that she feels like clawing out of her own skin.

Her hips lift reflexively but he holds her in place with the curve of his hand on her ass. The friction of his tongue over her underwear makes her weak in the knees, her body fighting for some semblance of control. It doesn’t take him long to remove her panties altogether and when he’s back between her legs he gives her these deep open mouth kisses that make her cry out his name. Her body can’t keep up with the assault of his tongue, the constant nibbling, sucking.  All rational thought seem to fail her then.

Iris’s fingers curl around the back of his neck loosely. She wants to watch him, she loves watching him fuck her with his mouth but she’s too weak to open her eyes, to engross in the bliss Barry’s tongue is bringing her to care.

It’s the second she feels the slight vibration of his tongue and the intrusion of two of his fingers that her walls break, the high pressure he built consuming her blindly. Fireworks go off behind her eyelids and she can’t control her body, can’t stop the spasms of pleasure that he wrings out of her. It’s too much.

“Fuck,” She moans, her fingers tightening on the back of his neck now, keeping him to her as her hips lifts. He uses his tongue to finish her off, keeping his mouth on her until every last drop disappears. Her body is limp and she swears she might be in a Barry made coma. But then she feels the small kiss he places on the most intimate area of her sex and curses the way her gut tightens with need for him again. It’s never ending.

His mouth glides over her still clothed body and all she wants to do is kiss him, suck all of him up. Her hands find their way between their bodies and she starts undoing his belt buckle in a haste, not caring about the state of undress they’re in. All she can think about is feeling the hard length of him, all she can dare imagine is their bodies intertwined in a dance as old as time.

“I need you,” She manages, her voice sounding foreign even to her own ears. He’s so palpable and ready for her. She feels as much against her stomach.

“You’re so beautiful,” He says in response, locking his lips with hers in a primal, animalistic kind of kiss. It doesn’t take long for him to get his jeans over his hips and down his thighs and it ends up somewhere on the floor with her panties.

When Barry breaks the kiss they’re both gasping for air, the need consuming both of them. He touches his forehead to hers and gazes into her eyes as he positions himself at her entrance. Iris’s hips tilt forward, her moan echoing around them once he slides smoothly inside of her. They both still for a millisecond basking in the feel of the other. Nothing can ever compare to the feel of Barry Allen inside of her. Nothing. She makes the first move, rolling her hips and taking him deeper.

“You feel so good,” he whispers by her ear, brushing open mouth kisses down her jawline and causing her body to shiver uncontrollably. A red blush creeps onto her cheeks but all she can get out is a heavy sigh of agreement because he feels as good too. Her heels dig into his lower back, and she wishes she can inhale him in.

Iris buries her face into his neck, meeting each of his thrust with one of her own. Their movements start out slow, the heat cascading through her in slow waves and picks up with each ticking second. Fuck. She curses the fact that they’re still partially clothed because she wants to touch him. She wants to rake her fingernails across his back, and suck random paths over his shoulders. Actually, she wants to trail a pattern of nicks over every mole on his chest, make him seethe under her control, and make him come inside of her. Instead she grips on to his shoulders and bites her bottom lip to contain the moan threatening to explode out of her throat.

Iris hears it first, the chime of his phone ringing. She squeezes her eyes tightly closed willing the sound to go away. No, this is not the time for the world to need him, she thinks, I need him. However, her thoughts don’t deter the ringing above both of their heads. When he stills she finally opens her eyes to see him reaching upwards for the vibrating device. Iris doesn’t hide her disappointment or the groan that’s pulled from her chest. He’s watching her as he answers, forest green eyes expressing how unwarranted this is. Beads of sweat litter his forehead as he scrunches his face up in concentration. She figures he’s trying not to move either.

“Hey Cisco, what can I do for you?” The deepness of his voice is breathy and Iris can’t help but squirm against his still frame. His eyes widen and he releases a deep breath to stop from pushing them both off the edge. Cisco says something causing Barry’s cheeks to transition into a crimson blush.

“No…?” he says questionably, his long lashes faltering downwards. He rests his forehead against hers and she feels when he mouths ‘I’m sorry’ against her lips and disappointment fills her chest quickly. Central City needs him.

“Okay, I’ll be there.” is the last thing she registers before closing her own eyes and willing her body to calm down. She’s strung taut, and filled with a fire only Barry can extinguish. It’s when he’s reaching to put the phone back on the end table that she opens her eyes and looks up at him. Her hands flutter up to cup his face, to convey that she gets it. He has to go but she doesn’t want him to leave, not right now anyways. Iris feels a bit selfish for having those kind of thoughts and shakes her head slightly to get rid of them. He’s not only her superhero.

“It’s fine,” She reassures, giving her best smile. “Central City needs the Flash,” She doesn’t realize how sad her voice sounds until he grips her hands in his and brings them to his lips. This is his way of letting her know he’ll be back, no matter what, he’ll always be back.  

“But I need you more,” Barry deadpans projecting with his stare how much. She doesn’t say anything after, only leans up and lays a smoldering kiss to his lips.

“Go before I don’t let you,” He rubs his mouth against hers one last time and when he withdraws coldness settles in every facet of her being. Iris wonders how she ever got anything done without knowing this side of him. She exhales and sits up, tagging her dress down to cover her thighs. It doesn’t take him long to shrug on his jeans and button them, all the while eyeing her. She opens her mouth but settles on not saying anything at all.

“We’ll finish this later?” He asks running his fingers through his hair to straighten the locks.  

“Later.” She promises basking in his grin. He’s gone within the next second though, her hair flying around her face loosely. She sighs and stands, running her hand over her stomach.

Yeah, later, she thinks.

[terabitweb]

Original Post from Amazon Security Author: Michael Chan

When organizations first adopt AWS, they have to make many decisions that will lay the foundation for their future footprint in the cloud. Part of this includes making decisions about the number of AWS accounts you choose to operate, but another fundamental task is constructing practical access control policies so that your application teams can’t affect each other’s resources within the same account. With AWS Identity and Access Management (IAM), you can customize granular access control policies that are appropriate for your organization, helping you follow security best practices such as separation-of-duties and least-privilege. As every organization is different, you’ll need to carefully consider what your cloud security policies are and how they relate to your cloud engineering teams. Things to consider include who should be authorized to perform which actions, how your teams operate with one another, and which IAM mechanisms are suitable for ensuring that only authorized access is allowed.

In this blog post, I’ll show you an approach that works backwards, starting with a set of customer requirements, then utilizing AWS features such as IAM conditions and principal tagging. Combined with an AWS resource naming and tagging strategy, this approach can help you meet your access control objectives. AWS recently enabled tags on IAM principals (users and roles), which allows you to create a single reusable policy that provides access based on the tags of the IAM principal. When you combine this feature with a standardized resource naming and tagging convention, you can craft a set of IAM roles and policies suitable for your organization.

AWS features used in this approach

To follow along, you should have a working knowledge of IAM and tagging, and familiarity with the following concepts:

IAM principal tags: IAM principals (users and roles) now support tagging. In addition to allowing you to add customizable key-value pairs to principals, these tags also can be used to grant access to resources.

Resource tags and IAM conditions: Resource tags are metadata that you can set on an AWS resource. Evaluating resource tags via conditions keys that support tag-based authorization is supported by a growing number of AWS resources and IAM actions. Amazon Elastic Compute Cloud (EC2), Amazon Simple Storage Service (S3), and Amazon Relational Database Service (RDS) are some examples.

Tag-on-create: Many AWS resources, such as Amazon EC2 and Amazon Elastic Block Store (EBS), support assigning tags at the time of resource creation.

Amazon Resource Names (ARNs): ARNs are unique identifiers for AWS resources. You can reference ARNs in IAM policies to allow access to resources. Some resources have ARNs based on user-provided names. ARNs can be string matched with wildcards ( * and ?) in IAM policies. Amazon Simple Notification Service (SNS), and Amazon Simple Queue Service (SQS), are examples of resources that currently do not support authorization based on tags but do support resource-level permissions (whose access via IAM can only be controlled by referencing their ARN). A list of services and their support for IAM is listed here.

IAM permissions boundaries: Permissions boundaries allows you to limit the maximum permissions that a principal can have. They can only be associated with users or roles in a 1:1 relationship.

Introducing Example Corporation

To illustrate the strategies I discuss, I’ll refer to a fictitious customer throughout my post: Example Corporation is a large organization that wants to use their existing Microsoft Active Directory (AD) as their identity store, with Active Directory Federation Services (AD FS) as the means to federate into their AWS accounts. They also have multiple business projects, some of which will need their own AWS accounts, and others that will share AWS accounts due to the dependencies of the applications within those projects. Each project has multiple application teams who do not need to access each other’s AWS resources.

Example Corporation’s access control requirements

Example Corporation doesn’t always dedicate a single AWS account to one team or one environment. Sometimes, multiple project teams work within the same account, and sometimes they have more than one environment in an account. Figure 1 shows how the Website Marketing and Customer Marketing project teams (each of which has multiple application teams) share two AWS accounts: a development and staging AWS account and a production AWS account. Although production has a dedicated AWS account, Example Corporation has decided that a shared development and staging account is acceptable.  

Figure 1: AWS accounts shared by Example Corp’s teams

The development and staging environments share an AWS account, and the two teams do work closely together. All projects within an account will be allowed access to the read-only metadata of other resources, such as EC2 instance names, tags, and IAM information. However, each project team wants to prevent their application resources from being modified by the other team’s members.

Initial decisions for supporting shared account access control

Example Corporation decides to continue using their existing identity federation solution for access to AWS, as the existing processes for handling joiners, movers, and leavers can be extended to manage identities within AWS. They will enable this via Security Assertion Markup Language (SAML) provided by ADFS to allow Example Corporation’s AD users to access AWS by assuming IAM roles. Initially, they will create three IAM roles—project administrator, application administrator, and application operator—with additional roles to come later.

The company knows they need to implement access controls through IAM, and they’ve created an initial list of AWS services (EC2, RDS, S3, SNS, and Amazon CloudWatch) to secure. Infrastructure as code (IaC) is a new concept at Example Corporation, so they want to keep initial IAM roles and policies as simple as possible. IAM principal tags will help them reuse standard policies across accounts. Principal tags are global condition keys assigned to a user or role. They can be used within a condition to ensure that a new resource is tagged on creation with a value that matches your principal. They can also be used to verify that an existing resource has a matching tag prior to allowing an action against that resource.

Many, but not all, AWS services support tag-based authorization of AWS resources. For services that don’t support tag-based authorization, Example Corporation will enable access control by utilizing ARN paths with wildcards (ARN matching). The name of the resource and its ARN path will explicitly state which projects, applications, and operators have access to that resource. This will require the company to design and enforce a mandatory naming convention.

Please see the IAM user guide for an up-to-date a list of resources that support tag-based authorization.

Using multiple tags to meet access control requirements

The web and marketing teams have settled on three common roles and have decided their access levels as follows:

Project administrator: Able to access and modify all resources for a specific project, including all the resources belonging to application teams under the project.

Application administrator: Able to access and modify only the resources owned by a particular application team.

Application operator: Able to access and modify only the resources owned by a specific application team, plus those that reside within one of three environments: development, staging, or production.

  Figure 2: Example Corp’s teams—administrators and operators with AWS access

As for the principal tags, there will be three unique tags named with the prefix access-, with tag values that differentiate the roles and their resources from other projects, applications, and environments.

Finally, because the AWS account is shared, Example Corporation needs to account for the service usage costs of the two teams. By adding a mandatory tag for “cost center,” they can determine the costs of the web team’s resources versus the marketing team’s resources in AWS Cost Explorer and AWS Cost and Usage Report.

Below is an example of the web team’s tags.

IAM principal tags used for the website project administrator role:

Tag name Tag value access-project web cost-center 123456

Tags for the website application administrator role:

Tag name Tag value access-project web access-application nginx cost-center 123456

Tags for the website application operator role—specifically for developer access to the dev environment:

Tag name Tag value access-project web access-application nginx access-environment dev cost-center 123456

Access control for AWS services and resources that support tag-based authorization

Example Corporation now needs to write IAM policies for their targeted resources. They begin with EC2, as that will be their most widely used service. The IAM documentation for EC2 shows that most write actions (create, modify, delete) support tag-based authorization, allowing the principal to execute the action only if the resource’s tag matches a predefined value.

For example, the following policy statement will only allow EC2 instances to be started or stopped if the resource tag value matches the “web” project name:

{ "Action":[ "ec2:StartInstances", "ec2:StopInstances" ], "Resource":[ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*" ], "Effect":"Allow", "Condition":{ "StringEquals":{ "ec2:ResourceTag/access-project":"web" } } }

However, if Example Corporation uses a policy variable instead of hardcoding the project name, the company can reuse the policy by taking advantage of the aws:PrincipalTag condition key:

{ "Action":[ "ec2:StartInstances", "ec2:StopInstances" ], "Resource":[ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*" ], "Effect":"Allow", "Condition":{ "StringEquals":{ "ec2:ResourceTag/access-project":"${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}" } } }

Without policy variables, every IAM policy for every project would need a unique value to control access to the resource. Because the text of every policy document would be different, Example Corporation wouldn’t be able to reuse policies from one account to another or from one environment to another. Variables allow them to deploy the same policy file to all of their accounts, while allowing the effect of the policy to differ based on the tags that are used in each account.

As a result, Example Corporation will base the right to manipulate resources like EC2 on resource tags as much as possible. It is important, then, for their teams to tag each resource at the time of creation, if the resource supports it. Untagged resources won’t be manageable, but resources tagged properly will become automatically manageable. The company will use the aws:RequestTag IAM condition key to ensure that the requested access tags and cost allocation tags are assigned at the time of EC2 creation. The IAM policy associated with the application-operator role will therefore be:

{ "Sid": "AllowEC2ResourceCreationWithRequiredTags", "Action": [ "ec2:CreateVolume", "ec2:RunInstances" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*", "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:volume/*" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-application": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-environment}", "aws:RequestTag/cost-center": "${aws:PrincipalTag/cost-center}" } } }, { "Sid": "AllowCreateTagsIfRequestingValidTags", "Action": [ "ec2:CreateTags" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*", "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:volume/*" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-application": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-environment}", "ec2:CreateAction": "RunInstances" } } }

If someone tries to create an EC2 instance without setting proper tags, the RunInstances API call will fail. The application-administrator policy will be similar, with the added ability to create a resource in any environment:

{ "Sid": "AllowEC2ResourceCreationWithRequiredTags", "Action": [ "ec2:CreateVolume", "ec2:RunInstances" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*", "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:volume/*" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-application": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}", "aws:RequestTag/access-zone": [ "dev", "stg", "prd" ], "aws:RequestTag/cost-center": "${aws:PrincipalTag/cost-center}" } } }, { "Sid": "AllowCreateTagsIfRequestingValidTags", "Action": [ "ec2:CreateTags" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*", "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:volume/*" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-application": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": [ "dev", "stg", "prd" ], "ec2:CreateAction": "RunInstances" } } }

And finally, the project-administrator policy will have the most access. Note that even though this policy is for a project administrator, the user is still limited to modifying resources only within three environments. In addition, to ensure that all resources have the required access-application tag, Example Corporation has added a null condition to verify that the tag value is non-empty:

{ "Sid": "AllowEC2ResourceCreationWithRequiredTags", "Action": [ "ec2:CreateVolume", "ec2:RunInstances" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*", "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:volume/*" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": [ "dev", "stg", "prd" ], "aws:RequestTag/cost-center": "${aws:PrincipalTag/cost-center}" }, "Null": { "aws:RequestTag/access-application": false } } }, { "Sid": "AllowCreateTagsIfRequestingValidTags", "Action": [ "ec2:CreateTags" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:instance/*", "arn:aws:ec2:*:*:volume/*" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": [ "dev", "stg", "prd" ], "ec2:CreateAction": "RunInstances" } } }

Access control for AWS services and resources without tag-based authorization

Some services don’t support tag-based authorization. In those cases, Example Corporation will use ARN pattern matching. Many AWS resources use ARNs that contain a user-created name. Therefore, the company’s proposal is to name resources following a naming convention. A name will look like: [project]-[application]-[environment]-myresourcename. For resources that are globally unique, such as S3, Example Corporation additionally requires its abbreviated name, “exco,” to be at the beginning of the resource so as to avoid a naming collision with another corporation’s buckets:

arn:aws:s3:::exco-web-nginx-dev-staticassets

To enforce this naming convention, they craft a reusable IAM policy that ensures that only intended users with matching access-project, access-application, and access-environment tag values can modify their resources. In addition, using * wildcard matches, they are able to allow for custom resource name suffixes such as staticassets in the above example. Using an AWS SNS topic as an example, a snippet of the IAM policy associated with the application-operator role will look like this:

{ "Sid": "AllowSNSListAccess", "Effect": "Allow", "Action": [ "sns:ListTopics", "sns:ListSubscriptions*", ... ], "Resource": "*" }, { "Sid": "AllowSNSAccessBasedOnArnMatching", "Effect": "Allow", "Action": [ "sns:CreateTopic", "sns:DeleteTopic", ... ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:sns:*:*:${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-environment}-*" ] }

And here’s an IAM policy for an application-admin:

{ "Sid": "AllowSNSListAccess", "Effect": "Allow", "Action": [ "sns:ListTopics", "sns:ListSubscriptions*", ... ], "Resource": "*" }, { "Sid": "AllowSNSAccessBasedOnArnMatching", "Effect": "Allow", "Action": [ "sns:CreateTopic", "sns:DeleteTopic", ... ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:sns:*:*:${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}-dev-*", "arn:aws:sns:*:*:${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}-stg-*", "arn:aws:sns:*:*:${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}-prd-*" ] }

And finally, here’s the IAM policy for a project-admin:

{ "Sid": "AllowSNSListAccess", "Effect": "Allow", "Action": [ "sns:ListTopics", "sns:ListSubscriptions*", ... ], "Resource": "*" }, { "Sid": "AllowSNSAccessBasedOnArnMatching", "Effect": "Allow", "Action": [ "sns:*" ], "Resource": [ "arn:aws:sns:*:*:${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-*" ] }

The above policies have two caveats, however. First, they require that the principal tags have values that do not include a hyphen, as it is used as a delimiter according to Example Corporation’s new tag-based convention for access control. In addition, a forward slash cannot be used, as it is in use within ARNs by many AWS resources, such as S3 buckets:

arn:aws:s3:::awsexamplebucket/exampleobject.png

It is important that the company doesn’t let users create resources with disallowed or invalid tags. The following application admin permissions boundary policy uses a condition to permit IAM roles to be created, but only if they are tagged appropriately. Please note that these are just snippets of the boundary policy for the sake of illustration:

{ "Sid": "AllowIamCreateTagsOnUserOrRole", "Action": [ "iam:TagUser", "iam:TagRole" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-application": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": [ "dev", "stg", "prd" ] }, "StringNotLike": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": [ "*-*", "*/*" ], "aws:RequestTag/access-application": [ "*-*", "*/*" ] } }, "Resource": [ "arn:aws:iam::*:user/${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}-*", "arn:aws:iam::*:role/${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-${aws:PrincipalTag/access-application}-*" ] }

And likewise, this permissions boundary policy attached to the project admin will do the same:

{ "Sid": "AllowIamCreateTagsOnUserOrRole", "Action": [ "iam:TagUser", "iam:TagRole" ], "Effect": "Allow", "Condition": { "StringEquals": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": "${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}", "aws:RequestTag/access-environment": [ "dev", "stg", "prd" ] }, "StringNotLike": { "aws:RequestTag/access-project": [ "*-*", "*/*" ], "aws:RequestTag/access-application": [ "*-*", "*/*" ] } }, "Resource": [ "arn:aws:iam::*:user/${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-*", "arn:aws:iam::*:role/${aws:PrincipalTag/access-project}-*" ] }

Note that the above boundary policies can be also be crafted using allow statements and multiple explicit deny statements.

Example Corporation’s resource naming convention requirements

As shown in the above examples, Example Corporation has given project teams the ability to create resources with name-based access control for services that currently do not support tag-based authorization (such as SQS and S3). Through the use of wildcards, teams can still provide custom names to their resources to differentiate from other resources created within the same team.

AWS resources have various limits on the structure and composition of names, so the company restricts the character length on access tags. For example, Amazon ElastiCache cluster names must be 20 alphanumeric characters or less, including hyphens. Most AWS resources have higher character limits, but Example Corporation limits their [project]-[application]-[environment] prefix to a 3-character project ID, 5-character application ID, and 3-character maximum environment name to satisfy their requirements, as this will equal a total of 14 characters (for example, web-nginx-prd-), which leaves 6 characters remaining for the user-specified cluster name.

Summary of Key Decisions

Services that support tag-based authorization (TBA) must have resources that follow a tagging convention for access control. Tagging on resource creation will be enforced where possible.

Services that do not support TBA must have resources that follow a naming convention. The cost center tag will still be required and will be applied after resource creation.

Services that do not support TBA, and cannot have user-specified names in their ARN (less common), will be addressed on a case-by-case basis. They will either need to allow access for all projects and application teams sharing the same account, or allow access via a custom IAM policy created on a case-by-case basis so that only the desired team can access the resource. Each IAM role should leave a few unused slots short of the maximum number of policies allowed per role in order to accommodate custom policies.

It is acceptable to allow basic List* and Describe* IAM permissions for AWS resources for all users who log in to the account, as the company’s project teams work closely together.

IAM user and role names created by project and application admins must adhere to the approved resource naming conventions. Admins themselves will have a permissions boundary policy applied to their roles. This policy, in turn, will require that all users and roles the admins create have a permissions boundary policy. This is especially important for roles associated with resources that can potentially create or modify IAM resources, such as EC2 and Lambda.

Active Directory users who need access to AWS resources must assume different IAM roles in order to utilize the different levels of access that the project admin, application admin, and application operator each provide. Users must also assume a different role if they need access to a different project. This is because each role’s tag has a single value. In this scheme, a single role cannot be assigned to multiple projects or application teams.

Conclusion

Example Corporation was able to allow their project teams to share the same AWS account while still limiting access to a majority of the account’s AWS resources. Through the use of IAM principal tagging, combined with a resource naming and tagging convention, they created a reusable set of IAM policies that restricted access not only between project and application admins and users, but also between different development, stage, and production users.

If you have comments about this post, submit them in the “Comments” section below. If you have questions about or issues implementing this solution, please start a new thread on the IAM forum.

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Michael Chan

Michael is a Professional Services Consultant who has assisted commercial and Federal customers with their journey to AWS. He enjoys understanding customer problems and working backwards to provide practical solutions.

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Go to Source Author: Michael Chan Working backward: From IAM policies and principal tags to standardized names and tags for your AWS resources Original Post from Amazon Security Author: Michael Chan When organizations first adopt AWS, they have to make many decisions that will lay the foundation for their future footprint in the cloud.

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The Very long Browse: The altering EPC landscape

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There is a significant change going on in the water sector, and it is really exemplified by the Suez-GE deal. Though the concentrate of services offered by engineers has always ebbed and flowed together a spectrum of consultancy, style and design get the job done, programs integration, and supply, presently customers’ conclusion-generating procedures are pushing at the boundaries of these standard challenge company choices.

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The formation of a new, market-main, industrial-focused water small business is altering the dynamics of the world-wide industrial water market

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In each the municipal and industrial water marketplaces, and across the world, purchasers want their assignments to acquire account of a significantly wider variety of economic, environmental, and social challenges than they did in the past. This requires a tremendous-adaptable solution, and an at any time-broader variety of services from EPCs.

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In the circumstance of Suez-GE, the concentrate of the deal is industrial water marketplaces. It will consequence in formation of a new company comprising GE Water, and the industrial water small business of Suez. This effectively delivers jointly Suez’s expertise and world-wide footprint in challenge style and design, supply and functions, with GE Water’s programs and item portfolio. It’s a possibly formidable combination.

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Suez anticipates income synergies of €200 million a calendar year from “cross-promoting industrial water actions leveraging on the Suez geographical footprint”. More, it expects to realise price tag synergies of €65 million a calendar year in earnings in advance of fascination, tax, depreciation, and amortisation (EBIDTA), from manufacturing, engineering, company functions, purchasing, and income and normal administration.

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The variety of solutions and services that the new company now presents moreover contains GE Water’s cloud-based mostly asset management program, Perception, at the moment in use at 4,000 client web pages globally, and supporting 40,000 related property, which Suez describes as “driving shopper retention”. The list of blue chip purchasers on the roster boasts the likes of Intel, and Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, and Shell Oil, to title a several.

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The choices of this newly shaped company (the actual title will be uncovered later this calendar year), are wide-ranging, propelling Suez into a main place in world-wide industrial water marketplaces, which includes particularly the reuse segment.

&#13 ‘Widespread interest’ in water from buyers&#13

Water sector consultancy Bluefield Exploration president Reese Tisdale, in his April 2017 investigation of world-wide water sector mergers and acquisitions in 2016, argues that obtaining 72 functions reportedly want to run the rule about GE Water demonstrates “a popular focus” on the US and industrial water marketplaces. And — notwithstanding US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) administrator Scott Pruitt’s conclusion to “review and reconsider” the incoming US coal-fired vitality plant wastewater conventional regarded as “the Rule”, effectively placing it on ice — for the most portion, environmental defense laws is driving industrial purchasers to find out price tag-efficient water remedy methods.

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In February, India’s Supreme Court docket directed the pollution handle boards in all 29 of the country’s states to place producers of wastewater (municipal and industrial) on observe that they must install principal effluent remedy vegetation in a few months, or have their electricity slice off. More, the central authorities is operating to establish an economy for recycled water. It has signed a memorandum of knowledge with the Ministry of Railways to undertake reuse water for cleaning rolling inventory, and for other non-potable works by using and Indian electricity vegetation in a 50 kilometre radius of sewage remedy vegetation must now invest in handled wastewater.

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Is it from the backdrop of these moves that MWH Worldwide, the water sector-focused engineering firm acquired by Canada’s Stantec in March 2016, won a agreement to build a water reuse masterplan for India’s most populous metropolis, Mumbai, in May 2017.

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That Stantec acquisition “thrust it into a world-wide management job for water and wastewater services, right away,” says Tisdale. The significant infrastructure engineers certainly glimpse to be interested in water, and that contains eyeing the prospects in the quickly rising water reuse market, particularly in the US, India, and China. MWH Worldwide is a 6,800-man or woman engineering, consulting and development management firm concentrating on water and organic assets for the designed natural environment. It has 187 workplaces in 26 nations around the world, which includes a sturdy presence in the United kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, South and Central The united states, US, and the Middle East. Bob Gomes, Stantec president and main executive officer, describes the deal consequently: “MWH delivers new geographic presence, acclaimed field reputation, and most importantly, shared values in its perseverance to communities.”

&#13 Integrators are vital in new paradigm&#13

These shared values with regards to “dedication to communities” may well seem a bit obscure, but Gomes’ remark speaks to the emerging culture about water assignments that is complicated engineers to develop into more broadly capable, and adept at taking care of the desires of several stakeholders. In its March 2017 white paper, ‘Water Futures: Water, Electrical power and Agriculture to 2035’, MWH Worldwide argues that in water, the new paradigm for infrastructure style and design is distributed networks, comprising each massive scale hubs and smaller sized, modular facilities. “Similarly to centralised vitality, centralised water methods are inefficient, unsustainable, and very susceptible to climate change,” the paper argues. In this new style and design paradigm, water, vitality and agriculture develop into fewer centralised, and interrelate more straight with just one another to sort distributed networks whose job in communities is multi-faceted.

&#13 “Methods integrators, bringing jointly style and design and innovative know-how, will aid distributed networks.” Water Futures: Water, Electrical power and Agriculture to 2035 – MWH Worldwide white paper&#13

An important feature of this new infrastructure style and design paradigm is that it envisages an progressively pivotal job for programs integrators. “Systems integrators, bringing jointly style and design and innovative know-how, will aid distributed networks,” the report states. As shopper requires for style and design and supply about distributed and, most most likely related, networks, are shaping up in this new way, providers are progressively seeking either to amass a breadth of know-how in-residence, or to construct up their capabilities in taking care of collaborative partnerships with exterior tech providers.

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Hitachi Zosen’s acquisition of Osmoflo, which concluded in March 2017, demonstrates the push for EPCs to broaden their services and know-how choices. As a result of it, Japan’s Hitz has gained entry to Osmoflo’s desalination and membrane-based mostly industrial water remedy methods, to incorporate to its proven world-wide place in thermal desalination. As Hitz places it: “The transaction will help integration of Osmoflo’s know-how, in particular reverse osmosis, with Hitachi Zosen’s plant engineering know-how and encounter in the multi-phase flash approach. We imagine that this will additional increase the mixed companies’ prospects in desalination and industrial water remedy, in overseas marketplaces which includes the Middle East.”

&#13 ‘With Hitz’s aid for our R&D and small business community, we can actually develop into a world-wide small business.’ Osmoflo CEO and taking care of director, Emmanuel Gayan&#13

On the other aspect, Osmoflo sees the deal as supplying sizeable growth prospects, particularly as it permits the Australia-based mostly small business to faucet into Hitz’s massive worldwide community, and to supply to the market a substantially improved variety and size of methods. More, Osmoflo opened a new innovation centre, The Edge, in south Australia in March 2017, backed by its new mum or dad company. “With Hitz’s aid for our study and growth, and small business community, we can actually develop into a world-wide small business with the means to replicate our Australia successes about the environment,” says Osmoflo main executive and taking care of director, Emmanuel Gayan.

&#13 Tradition of collaboration will push assignments&#13

As properly as creating up their capabilities to integrate several technologies, corporations are progressively seeking at collaborations with third functions, which may well be digitally enabled. GE Water has produced various partnerships in collaborations that leader of small business growth, electronic water, Steve Davis, describes as “outside of the fence”. They include joint application growth assignments with WaterSmart Software, and Sensible Earth Systems, which will see the third functions establish applications on GE Water’s in-residence platform, Perception, echoing very similar collaborative preparations pioneered by the tech giants of Silicon Valley, US. The two electronic developer associates are concentrating on client interaction and engagement apps to help people, communities, and utilities to fully grasp, control and handle water intake behavior improved.

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The culture of challenge growth and supply by itself has also arguably taken on a more collaborative tone about the past several yrs, particularly in the municipal sector. The Carlsbad Desalination Plant Venture, situated in Carlsbad, San Diego County in California, and which concluded in December 2015, is often held up as a shining illustration of good challenge style and design and supply (the EPC contractor was IDE Systems) and Carlos Riva, main executive of the project’s developer, Poseidon, has spoken of expending “a large amount of time attending the public meetings”.

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As portion of rising its capabilities in taking care of neighborhood relations, Poseidon has realized to operate with a large diploma of transparency, and to require clients in the dialogue, often as a result of the utility, and has honed its capabilities in public relations outreach. Poseidon is at the moment establishing a second massive scale desalination challenge in southern California, additional together the coast from Carlsbad in Huntington Seashore, Orange County.

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Political study consultancy Tulchin Exploration, based mostly in San Francisco, in May 2017 published the success of a study into California voters’ attitudes in direction of desalination, which exhibit that 56 for every cent “strongly favour” and 34 for every cent “somewhat favour” efforts by the state to approve desalination assignments. The consequence exhibiting that 31 for every cent are “much more likely” to vote for a applicant for elected business office if they aid desalination, and 46 for every cent are “somewhat more most likely,” may well have affected those senior state politicians who subsequently termed on the California Coastal Commission to approve the new facility, which includes California Assembly speaker Anthony Rendon, and Condition Senate president, Tem Kevin de León.

&#13 Proposals for challenge governance&#13

A new challenge culture that emphasises neighborhood interaction and influencing, and consensus-creating, is articulated in the March 2017 report, ‘A new model for water entry — a world-wide blueprint for innovation’, published by the Worldwide Water Leaders Group, the successor to the UN Worldwide Agenda Council of Water 2014-2016, whose get the job done sorts the foundation of the paper.

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The report, which places a concentrate particularly on assignments outside the house of the large revenue economies of Europe, North The united states, and Asia Pacific, argues for a new model for water infrastructure assignments: “It commences with a social agreement. The 1st action is to provide jointly the stakeholders to establish the added benefits they will obtain as a consequence of enhanced entry, and to commit to the actions needed to produce the success.” The other four techniques in the new model comprise regional style and design decentralising with facilities like water kiosks and micro-utilities to slice up-entrance money fees use of micro-credit and short billing cycles to aid small revenue homes not able to help save up larger sized money sums and price tag-conserving improvements.

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The report goes additional, proposing a new model for challenge governance that would include a challenge board comprising the neighborhood, central and regional authorities, enterprises, utilities, non-governmental organisations, and other methods providers. “The challenge governance model delivers jointly all potential methods providers, and aims to make sure co-ordinated methods across the entire water and sanitation room,” it states.

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These state-of-the-country reviews on water infrastructure each explore the worries of financial commitment, and the similar necessity for price tag-conserving improvements. MWH Worldwide quotes estimates of funding needs for water infrastructure up to $90 trillion to 2030. “Over the final 10 years, financial commitment in utilities and infrastructure small business has shifted and is now very globalised, as sovereign cash and extended-time period prosperity professionals in distinct have sought out steady revenue in the face of fragile, small return marketplaces. Cross-border ownership is the norm in quite a few marketplaces,” it says.

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For its portion, the Worldwide Water Leaders Group report warns of a potential withdrawal of economic and political aid for water infrastructure financial commitment by the center classes as properly as demonstrating how utilities’ failure to improve and renew property is main to degradation of services about time. The report states that outside the house Asia Pacific, Europe, and North The united states, $217 billion a calendar year is spent on water and wastewater utilities, but that the extra fees of inadequate entry to water — which includes unwell health and fitness and reduction of time as a result of fetching supplies — volume to $323 billion. “Borrowing from the potential health and fitness of the community is a phony economy simply because a properly maintained system is also the lowest priced system to operate,” it argues, including “ideally, utility expending ought to be preset so as to cover greatest practice in functions and routine maintenance, money renewal, money financial commitment needed to meet altering instances, and money financial commitment to facilitate the extension of the company to new clients.”

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All this success in a highlight on style and design, supply and know-how methods that reply to customers’ considerations and place price tag performance entrance and centre. As they form up to company the water sector of the 2020s and further than, to aid balanced communities and economies, the main EPCs are seeking to collaboration, new style and design paradigms, and the capability to supply and integrate a variety of innovative know-how methods.

&#13 The promotions that transformed the EPC landscape in desal and reuse &#13 Suez/CDPQ-GE Water&#13 Individuals&#13 &#13

Jean-Louis Chaussaude, Suez CEO Heiner Markhoff, GE Water president and CEO

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Completes mid-2017

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70 for every cent Suez 30 for every cent Caisse de Dépôt et Placement du Québec (CDPQ)

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€3.2 billion ($3.4 billion)

&#13 &#13 Strategic rationale&#13 &#13

The deal brings together Suez’s expertise and world-wide footprint in challenge style and design, supply and functions, and GE Water’s programs and solutions portfolio, and expects to consequence in sizeable price tag and income synergies.

&#13 &#13 Stantec-MWH Worldwide&#13 Individuals&#13 Bob Gomes, Stantec president and main executive officer Alan Krause, MWH chairman and main executive officer&#13 Offer day&#13 Completed May 2017&#13 Shareholdings&#13 MHW Worldwide is now wholly-owned by Stantec&#13 Price tag&#13 $793 million&#13 Strategic rationale&#13 The deal aims to build a world-wide leader in water and infrastructure marketplaces, expands Stantec’s geographic footprint, enhances cross-promoting capabilities, produces extra growth prospects, provides water-similar development capabilities, and presents new prospects to staff members.&#13 Hitachi Zosen-Osmoflo&#13 Individuals&#13 Takashi Tanisho, president and main executive officer, Hitachi Zosen Emmanuel Gayan, taking care of director and CEO, Osmoflo&#13 Offer day&#13 Completed March 2017&#13 Shareholdings&#13 Hitz acquired 70 for every cent of shares owned by Osmoflo founders Annie and Marc Fabig. The remaining 30 for every cent keep on being with Marubeni Water Australia, a subsidiary of Marubeni Corporation of Japan.&#13 Price tag&#13 Not disclosed&#13 Strategic rationale&#13 The transaction is anticipated to help integration of Osmoflo know-how, in particular reverse osmosis, with Hitachi Zosen’s plant engineering know-how and encounter in multi-phase flash, enhancing prospects in desalination and industrial water remedy in overseas marketplaces, which includes the Middle East.&#13

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