#[anyway...i skedaddle into hell

[mechawolfie]

spongebob shoe squeaking sound effect

[neverendingford]

.

[yuzensoniktornavida]

We as a society have moved past the need for dads. We should abolish dads.

[dandyshucks]

I LIVED

[signanothername]

If someone had found baby corrupted nightmare and taken him in, raised him, like, say for example, blue, how differently do you think everything would have ended up?

(*COUGH COUGH* totally not just pushing my dad swap agenda nope nuh uh *COUGH*)

i just imagine nightmare sneaking into his room at night to curl up near his bed like a dog, and IMMEDIATELY skedaddling when he senses him wake up.

This poor kid is freshly dead (alive? Born?) he is in Desperate need of comfort 💀 but it's not like he's gonna ask for it outright.

And i horrendously need someone to hold him and give him warm food and new clothes and toys to play with and blankets and tuck him in at night and Hold Him and feed him medicine when he's sick and read hin bedtime stories and rock him to sleep and give him a comfort plushie or blanket or item of sorts and HOLD HIM and-

ahem, so anyway, what do you think? How differently do you think he would've ended up? Cuz i think it'd be a lot different if nightmare was shown care by someone for once and comforted by someone who wasn't a fellow traumatized six year old.

And, yknow, was an adult who knew what they were doing and didn't hate him for no reason 💀

Ooooh :D

Yeah I definitely think he would’ve grown up a much different person, cause he wouldn’t have relied on himself to survive, he wouldn’t experience the constant fear of the many ways he could get hurt or die

He definitely wouldn’t have starved on negativity cause he didn’t know how to balance it anymore

And if he was actually raised by a loving parent that’s actually present in his life to guide him through it enough to find a healthy outlet for the horrors he experienced, as well as help him with his emotional, mental, and physical health a lot better, his life would be a lot easier

I think he still would be a lot more grumpy and a bit aggressive than he was before the corruption, and the Apple incident would still have a great impact on his psyche, he’d still hold a bit of fear inside, but that fear won’t end up guiding all his actions, and it definitely wouldn’t lead to him becoming power hungry, doing whatever he deems necessary to obtain it

Hell, even with how the corruption twists his happiness from something pure to finding joy in the misery of others, I still think with a loving parent raising him, he will find healthy outlets to his emotions, whatever they may be

I think he might eventually tell his parent figure about what happened with him, with his mother, with his twin, maybe even Dream would find himself in a lot better circumstances when he awakens from stone, finding a brother patiently awaiting him, finding himself waking up in warm welcoming arms, I definitely think it’ll contribute to the twins’ relationship being a lot better, a lot healthier

Their trauma would still put a few wrenches in their journey, but it definitely wouldn’t go so sour and bitter, Nightmare would be a lot more open towards Dream’s love and affection, hatred won’t taint his heart and cause their relationship to go so wrong

Generally, I definitely think it’ll be a lot more fluffy and slice of life-ish, which is super wholesome to think about

Now as for Blue specifically being the father figure, only two words, FUCK YES.

But I feel like, as a very traumatized lil child who doesn’t know any better, who had adults hate, hurt and even try to kill him, Nightmare would simply not trust Swap, not immediately

So it’d be really fun to see Nightmare actually warm up to Swap first way before he takes Nightmare in to raise and take care of him, it’d be fun to see what Swap might do to gain Nightmare’s trust enough for Nightmare to even let him within 10 meters without running away immediately or attacking him

May I also present some suggestions for another parental figure that could be really fun to explore? Color, I’d love to see him take care of a little newly corrupted Nightmare dhhdhdhd

Anyway *cough* this is such an adorable possible multiverse *cough*

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Everyone’s so mad at Idia for having his lower body be a comfy bed for yuu bc THEY WANT CUDDLES TOO!!!

Underclassmen fear Idia, they think Idia would literally EAT them for touching yuu

And his classmates know he’s a scaredy spider, but he did bite someone for waking Yuu up and running away

I think Idia would be like. One of those Yanderes who think their darling is sacred and he shouldn’t touch them unless with permission. Just nervously following and keeping Yuu in his sights like a bodyguard.

But also I think Idia is just a virgin and everyone else is so fucking scary

I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing at "-he did bite someone for waking Yuu up and running away" I'm picturing him sneakily spidering up behind someone before leaning down and biting someone, then skedaddling away as a scared spider does.

Even as a Yandere, I have a hard time seeing him getting physical with someone unless you're legit in danger. Like if shit was going down, he would most likely pick you up and get the hell out of there. Everyone else can deal with what's going on.

Now its Ortho you gotta worry about actually going after someone physically, dude has lasers and really wants to use them. Plus Idia gave him special permission to use it if your in danger.

Anyway, Idia is more of a "DOX the fucker and ruin their life" kind of guy but will use the "big scary spider" thing to his advantage, like if someone won't leave either of you alone or he walks up and sees some cornering or bullying you. He hates confrontation and interaction but it's the kind of thing that triggers spider instincts when seeing his mate in distress.

Defense posture and hissing.

...ok so that Tarantula looks really cute doing it but its way more intimidating when it's a big drider doing it, I swear.

Hmm, you really got me thinking since, yeah, I'm picturing Idia, yandere, or otherwise wanting to keep an eye on you. He doesn't want to leave his room so it's a lot of just his tablet or Ortho being around you and him insistent you chill in his room as often as possible.

But Yandere Spooder Idia...I think his love and possessiveness protectiveness over you could be enough to get him out more, even if it's really just to be your scary dog and keep others away on the way to classes and at lunch. He's probably gonna be grumpy about having to do it and have a grumpy look on his face, but that just works in his favor in intimidation factor.

He's def more scared of people than they are of him but at least he can keep some of the others/people who don't know he's a scaredy cat, at bay.

Also yes, the others are jelly that you love to sleep on that big spooder and his butt so much. I guess it could be like people getting jealous when the local cat loves your lap the most and naps on you instead. They want to be chosen too.

[ratboyy-withtheexistentialdread]

Nevermore Chapter 97

Spoilers ahead, lads. Skedaddle if you don't fast pass. EDIT I guess I’ve said too much in this post and need to pull it back a little. So imma gonna edit it so it doesn’t say too much about this chapter.

Alright, first my reaction cause HOLY HELL those last few panels really got me like

I really had to put my phone down and talk myself through them. Now, lets talk about what I gained from this chapter and the infamous Annabel Lee. I've noticed, at least in the comment section, the fandom really doesn't care for Annabel's character and its difficult to know where the animosity has come from. Tumblr obviously loves her but us heathens support women's rights and wrongs (Don't we gents?) Many call her a sociopath or what’s happens in the last few panels. Annabel is indeed ruthless, calculating and stone cold but she obviously cares. She cares for Lenore above everything. It can be easy to see this as obsession as we really haven't seen her care about much else or even herself. But one comment on the Webtoon brought up a very valid point which I've also picked up on.

Annabel and Lenore in life were very isolated and broken people when they met one another. Annabel, broken and then rebuilt into a prim and proper lady. Lenore, broken physically and mentally and closed off from the world.

Meeting each other saved them. They were no longer alone. There was an understanding between them at least that we know of.

Their differences though is what divides them in death.

Annabel played games, and masked her true self around her father and family connections. She now makes games of situations to retain what little control she had in life over a society she knew she could never break the rules of. A Game that was always rigged against her.

Lenore rebelled against society. She fled the estate to escape a suitor, was bound to the attic and ostracized by her family, she then faked her death and posed as man to court Annabel, the one person who cared for her.

Lenore wants to break the rules of the deans Death Game. Annabel wants to follow them.

It’s all they’ve ever known.

Before it was only them that mattered. Now Lenore has so much more to fight for and Annabel still only has Lenore. Both are right in their own way of playing the game but it pains the other to witness.

Annabel, I’m sure is aware that the Deans are not all they seem to be and won’t simply allow the students to turn the tables on them if they played how Lenore wants to.

And playing Annabel’s way means the callous death of many many people that do deserve another chance at life.

Now. I do have to agree with Annabel in the sense that Lenore forgets

This is a Death Game

Right now the “villainous” characters show their true face with pride and the “hero’s” are charming and true but as we get down to the wire, it’s going to get grey. There are no good or bad at the end of these games, only survival.

Could Annabel show some restraint and more tact when speaking strategy and making plans with Lenore? Absolutely. She’s little too giddy about sweeping some pieces off the board.

Lenore also needs to stop being so naive. She saw first hand what exactly the Deans are capable of in Dreamland, it put the fear of god in her.

In fairness to both characters though they and we are still missing big pieces of what happened between them and what their causes of death were. Which could hold big aspects of their characterization.

Maybe Lenore was originally very callous about others. In life, aside from Theo and Annabel, we’ve never really seen her interact with others. Perhaps this is the Lenore Annabel speaks of.

Anyway, I’m rambling. In conclusion, I’m a bit disappointed in Nevermores comment section. I enjoy Annabel’s character although some parts do worry me a bit but I have hope Red and Flynn have plans to curve this to a satisfying reason and conclusion.

That cliffhanger, boy howdy, what the fuck is Lenore gonna do…

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 47

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Damnit, Pidge by spirkylurkey

Pidge has some top-secret-classified-don't-tell-Keith-info that she accidentally lets slip to, you guessed it, Keith. Lance is an embarrassed mess. Keith isn't faring much better, to be honest.

this one made me LAUGH the way that this all pidge's fault and she's literally like. well. you shouldn't be so gay then. and she's right!! they're so dumb i love them

2. Operation: Faking It by @writeonclara

“What the hell, guys?” Pidge squawked, wrestling away from Matt. “Why are you pretending to be a couple?” Or: Matt and Lance pretend to be a couple because Shiro and Keith are clueless as hell.

do you guys remember shatt?? i remember shatt. adashi will always have my heart but shatt will literally always be funny bc ofc thats ur fic name. anyways. this fic is mostly klance but the entire concept is just so ridiculously goofy that u have to laugh. do you like lance and matt? do you like fake relationship to real relationship? do you like inverted tropes? do you like pining? do you like comedic jealousy? then this fic is well and truly for you because it has all that and more

3. all's well that ends well to end up with you by @coruscatingcatastrophe

Keith's jacket gets ruined, so Lance decides to be a good Samaritan and give him his. This is the beginning of the end.

megan's fic literally make me want to eat cement i'm so serious. i've read and been obsessed with TONS of her stuff but this one???? this fucking one???? oh god the slowburn kills me. the blossoming realisation that oh god we've been dating this whole time huh. the CHIVALRY...............a romance novel in the truest of senses and i am going to fry

4. as long as it won't separate you from me (i'll be fine) by @coruscatingcatastrophe

A little intrigued—not that she’d ever admit it—Pidge begins to climb the stairs. But before she even reaches halfway, the door—slams shut. All on its own, or so it seems. Pidge pauses, brows creasing in confusion, as she turns to look down at her dog. “Did you see that?” she asks. Peculiarly, she notes that Bae Bae’s fur is bristled, and he growls at the door before barking twice. That’s weird. Bae Bae never growls. Turning back to the door, Pidge feels unsettled, but she tells herself not to jump to ridiculous conclusions. There’s a logical explanation for everything. Maybe there was a gust of wind from the air conditioner, or the doorframe isn’t level. Whatever it is, she’s going to figure it out. - Or, a Beetlejuice au (kind of). Pidge isn't a fan of her new house, Lance and Keith are the ghosts haunting her attic, and together they hatch a plot to convince Shiro and Adam to skedaddle out of the house. There may be demon summoning involved. But seriously, Adam. Getting your hair set on fire really isn't that bad.

HAPPY (late) HALLOWEEN!!! ive been thinking about this fic all october and finally let myself reread it. ive never loved beetlejuice more than when i read this. it's so fun!! so interesting!! pidge gets a chance to shine!! klance are so!!! the way it had the story of beetlejuice but adapted well!! im!!

5. never thought i'd see the day in my life by @coruscatingcatastrophe

But Keith has somehow gone even paler in the short amount of time he’s been at the table, and he shakes his head. “No, something is . . .” His gaze flickers back to Lance, and he’s startled to find that Keith’s eyes are purple. They’ve got to be contacts. Ridiculous. As if the mullet and gloves and personality weren’t enough. Keith pushes away from the table abruptly, looking incredibly put-off now. “I, uh—gotta go,” he mutters, before angrily gathering up the backpack he’d dropped into the chair next to him and storming out of the cafeteria. “Huh,” Hunk says. “Well, that introduction could have gone a bit better. Don’t take it personally though; sometimes Keith’s just like that.” - Or, a Twilight au starring Lance as Bella, Keith as Edward, and the rest of the Voltron gang as themselves. Lance is insufferable, Keith is awkwardly trying to figure out why Lance is the way he is, and along the way they fall in love, or something. It's probably, definitely the best love story since Twilight itself.

now ive never read twilight and i refuse to on principle. but i didn't find this one creepy and instead it was super fun and dweeby and lance is indeed a ray of sunshine, thank you megan for noticing, and it turns out when the story isn't a hetero mormon wet dream it's actually a good time!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[tired-biscuit]

What would Kiba do if we would tell him how handsome he is but in a coo voice, just straight up petting his face and patting his head telling him what a pretty boy he is.

18+ fem!reader // cw: praise kink, very soft and cute. modern AU, established relationship.

he’s unsure about it at first.

this man is just so unapproachable-looking at first glance, you know? he’s dark, all sharp features, crossed arms over a wide chest. he’s heavy boots, anger issues, fed up eye rolls and impatience. the persistent scowl that he’s always wearing on his face doesn’t help his case either. just by looking at him, people get the feeling that he’s going to be a bitchy cunt the moment he opens his mouth.

and kiba likes that just fine. he likes being intense and perhaps even a little bit intimidating because it leaves a lasting impression, which is what he’s always strived to achieve anyway. he likes that when he steps into the room, people’s eyes flicker in his direction. that they turn a bit wary. that he provokes a reaction. that he can’t possibly be overlooked.

so for you to step onto your tippy-toes and pull him closer because of the height difference, smushing his cheeks until his lips are pursing, gushing and cooing what an absolute cutie he is; what a pretty boy he is, definitely catches him off guard at the start of your relationship.

i mean, he tries so hard to look like he’s this big, cool badass who does not give a single flying fuck about anything or anyone, just for you to come skedaddling his way; flipping that image right on its head with all your empathy and lovey-dovey gestures.

nevertheless, i think he secretly feels flattered by it, though it does take him a long while to start to wilfully show and actually admit to how much he appreciates all your doting in reality. you already know it, of course — how endearing he actually finds your actions — from how the tips of his ears flush a faint red each time you get sugary with him, and how his eyes start to flicker onto just about anything in the room but you.

it’s always the same reaction. you go all “ooh, you’re my baby! my lil’ baby!” on him and he grumbles something under his breath; telling you to “c’mon, stop that” while his face gets so warm to the touch that it makes the tips of your fingers tingle. what’s even funnier is that he doesn’t even think of moving away despite all the fuss and protesting that he’s causing. and it’s so adorable, how vividly flustered he gets by it every single time!

so months pass one after the other, and slowly, ever so patiently, you lure out a praise kink out of him that he never even knew he had.

because all of a sudden, your grumpy boyfriend catches himself preening — yes, actually preening — just so that he can receive more of your little compliments. catches himself helping you with little, mindless chores just so that you have a reason to thank him and give him your approval afterwards.

he sighs to no end and mopes in bed until you lean over and give him his goodnight kiss. whenever he comes home from work, feeling tired as hell, he just plops down on top of you while you’re watching tv on the couch, and lets you wrap your legs around him and stroke his back until he feels better.

he actually likes all the cooing and babying. he likes the sweet little pet names that you call him. he likes the cutesy text messages and the matching bracelets and the fact that you insist on getting matching t-shirts whenever you go on vacation together. he likes taking pictures with you, even if he never posts anything on his instagram. he’s so down bad that he even wears your initial around his neck.

he likes how you take care of him when he gets sick, even if he starts acting dramatic about it; whining and complaining like he’s about to die from a simple cold. he likes how you cheer for him whenever you have a lazy day and choose to spend it by playing video games on the couch — you make him keep trying to beat the stupid level even if he lacks the patience for it. as a matter of fact, he’ll win it just for you.

and he also likes that you keep steady eye contact whenever you clamber on top of him in that clumsy way that he thinks is oh, just so goddamn cute, and how you ride him in that slow, passionate rhythm he’d never pick himself before meeting you. he likes how you smile and caress his face when his lips part and he moans in pure bliss at the feeling of your sticky cunt squeezing around him so, so tight; finally submitting to the feeling and allowing himself to be vulnerable. he likes how you call him beautiful, then. not handsome, not hot; beautiful.

it’s the little things. sometimes they’re cute, like holding his hand when you’re out and about, and sharing the leftovers from your plate with him because you know he wants them even if he never asks for them. other times they’re dumb, like when you convince him to let you pamper him with your vast collection of skincare products, and how you get matching tongue piercings just because you’re curious what it’s like to kiss with them as soon as the swelling goes down.

he’s fond of it all as long as it’s with you. because unlike with other people, you don’t just look at him; you make him feel seen. with you, love grows.

you see the layers and all the gooey softness that hides underneath. you see his heart. the twinkle of kindness that appears in his dark brown eyes. how careful and gentle he is with animals. the playfulness in his grin, even if it’s sharp and rare.

you see him.

but you best know that he’s fighting for his life in the groupchat the moment his friends find out how much he actually loves it when you baby him!

[pompomqt]

Journey to the West Chapter 42

Bull Demon King (Sun Wukong) warning Redboy about Sun Wukong:

And you stole his Master. And Pigsy to I guess.

This week on Journey to the West with @journeythroughjourneytothewest we continue our adventures with the fiery Redboy. So let's get into it shall we?

We start back up with where we left off, with Monkey eavesdropping on Redboy telling his minions to go invite the Venerable Great King to dinner. So Monkey hedges his bets and takes a gamble that he must be talking about his father, the Bull Demon King. And luckily for Monkey he knows what the guy looks like since they were buddy's 500 years ago. I guess Monkey is counting on the Bull Demon King not getting a new haircut in the last 500 years. Anyways Monkey skedaddles from the cave and plops himself ten miles up the path before transforming himself into the Bull Demon King.

Sure enough, as soon as the minion demons spot the 'Bull Demon King', they invite him to dinner and leads him back to the cave. Redboy is like 'Well that was quick', but quickly goes to respectfully greet his father. Anyways Redboy excitedly tells him all about the tasty monk he has acquired for them to eat. The 'Bull Demon King' asks if this monk happens to be the master of one Sun Wukong- scourge of heaven itself. Redboy confirms it, and 'Bull Demon King' recommends he just send the monk back, because Sun Wukong is far to dangerous to mess with, and if they eat the Monk he will definitely flatten this whole mountain.

Redboy however isn't worried, after all he's managed to chase him off with his True Fire of Samadhi twice now. The false Bull Demon King warns him that Sun Wukong is very tricky and transform to look like anything- like say- something as tiny as a fly- or even something as large as say- a Bull Demon King. Redboy however just scoffs and says that he would definitely be able to see through Sun Wukong's transformations! Anyways seeing that scare tactics aren't going to work on Redboy, Wukong switches to stall tactics. He says that while he would love nothing more then to have some tasty monk meat he unfortunately can't today. He's trying this new diet where he goes vegetarian once a week, and today is the that day, but he'll totally be up to it tomorrow.

Redboy however finds this suspicious since the Bull Demon King is always down for chowing on humans. So Redboy asks his minions where they found this Bull Demon King, and they say they found him on the way, not at his actual house. Redboy is fairly certain that they've been deceived, but can't be to hasty just in case it really is his father, so he resolves to question him first. So Redboy tells his minions to be ready to jump the fake king when he gives the signal, and he goes to question him. So Redboy asks him to tell him the exact time and date of his birth. Sun Wukong sweats nervously at the question because how the hell is he supposed to know that? However he gives what I consider to be a perfectly adequate dad response in: "I don't know, I'll ask your mother." Apparently unlike most fathers though, the Bull Demon King actually does know the answer, and apparently never shuts up about it. So Redboy gives the signal for his minion demons to attack. Sun Wukong of course reverts to his original form and blocks the attack before pulling off his vanishing in a flash of light trick. But not before mocking Redson for being a bad son and attacking his own father though of course.

Anyways Monkey is jazzed from his victory over Redboy and wastes no time in going to brag to Sandy about it. And while he hasn't rescued Tripitaka yet, he's feeling well enough about his victory to go fetch Guanyin himself now. So Monkey quick travels to Guanyin's place and has her secretaries announce his arrival. So Guanyin gets right to the point and asks what he's doing here, and Wukong also wastes no time in summarizing the current arc for her. Guanyin listens to the story calmly until he gets to the part where Redboy disguises himself as her in order to fool Pigsy, where in she throws her vase into the water in an apparent fit of rage. Which Monkey thinks is a shame and that she should have just given him the fancy vase instead of smashing it.

Turns out however, that the vase isn't smashed, since it quickly reappears on the back of a tortoise. Guanyin asks him to bring it to her, but it turns out he can't lift it. Monkey tries to defend himself saying he's wounded at the moment, but Guanyin just explains that the vase is currently filled with and oceans worth of water, and even Wukong isn't that strong. Unlike an unlicensed thunderstorm the water in the vase does have the power to put out the true fire of Samadhi, but unfortunately he can't pick it up to take it with him. And since Guanyin doesn't trust him to not try and hoodwink any of her attendants to steal the vase, she asks him to leave behind one of his belongings as insurance. Personally I find this slightly unfair since Guanyin is one of like three people Sun Wukong actually respects and is therefore unlikely to steal from her. It's a moot point anyways though since Sun Wukong doesn't really have anything of value that he can give her that he doesn't need. Of course he is more then willing to give her the gold fillet, if she wants to recite the loose fillet spell and take it though.

In the end however, Guanyin simply resolves to go with Wukong herself in order to save Tripitaka. So after a bit of cute 'after you, no, no, I insist after you' banter, the two head out on her lotus platform. On their way she has Moksa borrow the Swords of Constellations from his father, which she then uses to transform into the lotus platform. Once they arrive at the demon mountain, Guanyin summons all the local gods and tells them to evacuate the mountain. Once they are done with that, Guanyin pours out the vase, resulting in an ocean of water leaving Guanyin quite at home in a place that now reflects the appearance of the south sea. Monkey also comments that Guanyin is rather merciful, since if he was the one with that power he would have just drowned the whole mountain without a care.

Guanyin has Monkey giver her his hand so she can write the word 'delusion' on his palm. She then tells him to pick another fight with Redboy and lure him back to her. So Monkey does what Monkey does best, and breaks down the demon's front door and uses his taunting ability to draw in some agro. So Monkey fights him for a while, and with the help of Guanyin's power of 'delusion', he successfully lures him to where Guanyin is waiting, and dives into her divine aura. Redboy yells at her, asking if she's supposed to be Monkeys reinforcement or something, but she doesn't reply. And when Redboy tries attacking her, she simply vanishes.

Guanyin and Wukong watch from above as Redboy decides that he must have defeated Guanyin and decides to take her fancy lotus platform as his prize. As soon as he takes a seat however, Guanyin reverts it back to it's true form: a bunch of pointy swords. When the demon tries to pull out the swords, Guanyin has them hook into him so they can't be pulled out. Once the demon starts crying and begging for mercy, Guanyin once again reveals herself and asks if he will become one of her disciples. The demon of course agrees, but since Guanyin didn't specify 'no take backs', Redboy tries to attack Guanyin as soon as she removes the swords.

Wukong of course moves to defend her, however there is no need. Guanyin pulls out the final gold fillet entrusted to her by Bhudda, she throws it at Redboy and it transforms into five fillets that encircle his head, hands and feet. Once they are on the demon, Guanyin recites a similar yet different spell from Wukong's, in order to subdue the demon. And with that we have reached the end of yet another chapter.

Current Sun Wukong Stats: Names/Titles: Monkey, The Stone Monkey, The Handsome Monkey King, Sun Wukong (Monkey awakened to the void), Bimawen (Banhorseplague), The Great Sage Equal To Heaven and Pilgrim Sun. Immortality: 5 + 94,000 years. Weapon: The Compliant Golden Hooped Rod Abilities: 72 Transformations, Cloud-Somersault, Ability to transform his individual hairs, super strength, Ability to Summon Wind, Water restriction charm, and the ability to change into a huge war form, ability to duplicate his staff, ability to immobilize others, the ability to put others to sleep, and the Fiery eyes and Diamond Pupils, intimidating horses, churning large bodies of water, sleeplessness, seizing the wind, enhanced smell, discerning good and evil within a thousand miles, Spirit Summoning, lock picking, object transformation, distance reduction and vanishing in a flash of light. Demon Kill Count: 9+ Unknown Number of Minions Human Kill Count: 1006 God's Defeated: 22 + Unknown number Defeats: 5 Crime List: Robbery, Murder, Mass Murder, Arson, Theft, Coercion, Threatening a Government Official, Resisting Arrest, Assault, Forgery, Employee Theft, False Imprisonment, Impersonating a Government Official, Treason, attempted murder, failure to control or report a dangerous fire, desecrating a corpse, breaking and entering, trespassing, violating Tree Law, looting corpses, trading counterfeit goods, criminal threat and animal abuse. Cry Count: 7 + 2 fake cries Mountains Trapped Under: 4

Current Tang Sanzang stats: Names/Titles: River Float, Xuanzang, Tang Sanzang, Tripitaka Abilities: Curing Blindness, making branches point a certain direction (allegedly), reciting sutras, pretty privilege, memorization and Heart Sutra. Cry Count: 20 Tight Fillet Spell Uses: 31 Paralyzed by fear: 5 Bandit Problems: 2 Kidnapped by demons: 5 Falling Off Horses: 8

Current Bai Long Ma Stats: Names/Titles: Bai Long Ma (White Dragon Horse), Prince of the Western Ocean, and third prince jade dragon of the dragon king Aorun Abilities: Transforming into a human, a water snake, and a horse, eating a horse in one bite, flight, Magic of Water Restriction, Singing, and Sword Dancing. Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Arson, and Grave Disobedience. Contributions to the plot: 2

Current Zhu Wuneng Stats: Names/Titles: The Marshal of the Heavenly Reeds, Zhu Wuneng (Pig who is aware of ability), Zhu Ganglie, Pigsy, Idiot and Eight Rules. Weapon: Rake Abilities: 36 Transformations, parting water, fighting underwater, cloud soaring, size enhancement and CPR Demon Kill Count/Kill steals: 2 Kidnapped by Demons: 2 Human Kill Count: 1 Failed Flirtation/romances Attempts: 3 Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Sexual Harassment, Murder, Kidnapping, arson and defamation.

Current Sha Wujing Stats: Names/Titles: The Curtain-Raising General, Sha Wujing (Sand Aware of Purity), Sandy and Sha Monk Weapon: Monster Taming Staff Abilities: Fighting underwater and Cloud soaring. Demon Kill Count: Unknown number of minions. Kidnapped by Demons: 2 Human Kill Count: 1 Crime List: Breaking a Crystal Cup, murder, and desecration of a human corpse.

Previous - Masterpost - Next

[beawritingbooks]

Hazbin Hotel Headcanon:

This is gonna be a long walk, so stay with me.

Okay, so, it's biblically canon that Lilith left Adam because the dude was really bad in bed. Hazbin Hotel canon seems to follow that narrative, as well.

And, if you want evidence that he's bad in bed, I present you with Exhibit A:

No man who is actually good in bed would say such a thing. Also, the way he talks to and about women...

And, if you do like it...well, that's your business and I'm not judging you. To each their own. But, I digress.

Back to the point, Lucifer even alludes to the fact that he has had sex with BOTH of Adam's wives.

My evidence:

How Lucifer won over Lilith:

How Lucifer won over Eve:

Now, I headcanon that Lilith, Eve, & Lucifer had a threesome type of deal going on.

Lilith does NOT seem traditional, & I don't know much about Eve from the show other than that she was definitely into sleeping with that little duck obsessed sexpot (aka Lucifer).

And why wouldn't they be into Lucifer?

Adam's first wife left him for how selfish he was in bed, Adam probably wasn't any better with Eve, and we know from certain hand/mouth gestures that Lucifer is a GIVER.

Maybe Lucifer was cast out of heaven because he taught the first two women that orgasms weren't just achieved alone, but they could happen with a partner, as well.

All of this has got me thinking:

--Either God kept purposefully making women that he knew Lucifer would be attracted to. Why? Idk, maybe to mess with Lucifer & Adam.

--Or, because of Adam's hubris & general blasphemous belief that people exist because of Adam & not because of God's own will, God made it so that every single woman Adam married would be attracted to Lucifer and Lucifer would be attracted to all of Adam's wives.

--Or, at some point, Adam made Lucifer so angry that Lucifer's type just became Adam's Wife.

Either way...

Which brings me to my main headcanon that if it is revealed that Lute & Adam were secretly married prior to Adam's death, then Lucifer & Lute might become attracted to one another.

Now, I don't ship Lute & Lucifer. I just think it'd make Adam mad, and that would make me laugh.

Scenario:

Lucifer: Wait...Adam got married for a third time before Niffty killed him???

Vaggie: Well, yeah, I thought it was pretty obvious that Adam & Lute were waaayyy closer than normal.

Lucifer: Huh...interesting...

Charlie: Dad, ew!

Lucifer: I didn't do anything!

Charlie: Also, Adam is a new soul in Hell, and he's at the hotel for redemption. Do NOT slow down his progress by antagonizing him like this.

Lucifer *innocently*: I have no idea what you're talking about, Char-Char.

Vaggie *clearly confused*: What's going on?

Lucifer *abruptly stands up*: Anyway, Daddy's got to go. He's got someone-oh, uh- I mean, somehwhere to do-be! He's got somewhere to be!

~Lucifer Skedaddles~

Vaggie *still cofused*: What was that about?

Charlie *embarassed*: Well...my dad has a type...

~After Explanation~

Vaggie: Oh. My. God.

Charlie *head in her hands*: It's so gross and weird!

Vaggie: Yeah, well, at least there's no way Lute will be in to him, too.

Charlie *sighing sadly*: I can only hope you're right. For whatever reason, Adam's wives find my dad as irresistible as he finds them.

Vaggie: Ew.

Charlie: Ew is right. Ew. Is. Right.

~Meanwhile, Somewhere in Heaven, Lute is talking to Lilith & Eve~

Lute: I hate Lucifer, and I hate you both, too!

Lilith & Eve: We know.

Lute: He's so stupid, and he's so obsessed with ducks, and he's so ancient. I mean, how old is he? Like, he's probably older than space and time, or something equally as lame. He's so old he probably even keeps bees or something.

Liith & Eve: MmmHmmm

Lute: I mean, he definitely looks like he's bee keeping age.

Lilith & Eve: *smugly know what's going on*

Lute *horrified*: Oh, no, I want to fuck Lucifer.

Lilith: No shit.

Eve: Welcome to the club!

This is Lilith, Eve, & Lute:

If any of you read the whole thing, thanks, and I hope you have a good one!

[baby-xemnas]

zou lawbepo thought

imagining soft ass reunion lawbepo when law is done catching up with the crew and everyone calmed down a little and its almost sunrise but they do gotta sleep so shachi and penguin skedaddle out of the room they shared with bepo the whole time law was gone and bepo is like huh..oh.........///////////////////...............(mental note to thank them later) but his focus ofc is all on law and he fusses about him needing rest and law is wayyyy too tired and overwhelmed from talking to everyboody and being high on the fact that he is back home holy hell.. bepo is like oh okay im gonna sleep on the mat you take the bed anyway tell me when you are ready so i can put out the lights. law is so over it.

looking at bepo like...get over here. (a little tiny teeny pang of fear that mayhaps bepo is mad at him for making him so worried -its nonsense ofc hes not mad he forgot everything negative that he felt in those weeks apart the moment he saw you) bepo: THE BED IS MUCH SMALLER THAN ONE ON THE POLAR TANG AND YOU ARE INJURED SO. SLEEP. law: (incurable shithead) what about my injury? did you want something? bepo: N-NO! CAPTAIN ;------; i dont want to roll over you in my sleep and hurt you law: (almost sighing wistfully already wanting bepo to roll over him and crush him) last time you crushing me was an issue i was 13

ofc bepo caves and its a tight squeeze on a regular bed but law looks so content he missed this so much he missed bepo and his (forgive me the pun) large presense. his warmth and smell and soft breathing

law missed him so much he thinks he would stay awake more just savoring having bepo back next to him and them holding each other but he falls asleep so quick

[roseshewrites]

A Golden Piece Of You (Slowburn Radio Apple)

Chapter 5: A Casual Crush

Gumbo is a cat, (sort of?) and cats like being in boxes. There weren't PetSmart type stores everywhere in hell, but Lucifer perused a few.

Self-cleaning? Maybe.

Foldable? Portable? A gilded, velvet lined combination cat potty and scratcher with a bunk bed? No. Too fancy.

There was also one that flushed, but Lucifer passed that one down too, despite marveling a little at its ingenuity; the sight of it actually had him chuckling. He nearly bought one just for display because it was actually kinda cute, but eventually just admired it and left the store.

Lucifer finally snatched up the cheapest plastic box he could find at a nearby grocery, paid ten dollars for it, and marched back to the hotel, determined to get his latest forced proximity with radio jerk out of the way.

On his way to Alastor's room, he passed by the fated cat who stared him down with a wide grin just as unnerving as its owner's.

"You're gonna use this," he held up the box, "And you're gonna like it. No more pissing on peoples boots. Got it? Kapeesh?"

It purred at him deeply, eyes glinting, the beginnings of a demonic growl sputtering in its weird throat.

"Don't take that tone with me."

It hissed softly.

He looked up and down the empty hallway, abjectly relieved nobody was having a peep at the king of hell verbally sparring with a demon cat.

Steeling his nerves, he knocked on Alastor's door, gritting his teeth.

Get it over with, Lucifer. Just hand over the box and leave. Don't let him get under your skin. Don't let him start a fight.

Don't let him..

The door swung open, letting out with it the sight of the radio demon in his pink shirt and suspenders slightly askew, his hair bobbed into a small ponytail, accompanied with the faint warble of old jazz tunes behind him, and  something that smelled like cologne.

Alastor was in such a relaxed state it seemed almost intimate just observing him.

His cheeks heated up.

Oh, holy Mother.

"I got your box," he said dumbly. "Sorry to intrude."

"My box," Alastor repeated, leaning on his doorway, seeming amused, "And no. By all means. I wouldn't turn down a visit from our very own esteemed King! It would be bad manners! Do come in."

He turned, adjusting his suspenders with a neat snap.

Gumbo went first, trilling loudly past Lucifer's boots and dashed off to the Louisiana bayou section of the room where it promptly began scratching the shit out of a tree.

Lucifer hadn't meant to come into the radio demon's room, nor spend more than about five seconds getting the intention out of the way before skedaddling to his own apple-shaped tower on the opposite end of the hotel.

But now that he was here, it was a bit of a culture clash. Like walking into a portal from the modern era to a velvet and red plush speakeasy lit with low lamps and cascading with unfamiliar scents that were still rather homey. Lavender soap, a hint of cologne, the languid smell of freshly washed hair.

Alastor had obviously just moments ago gotten dressed after a shower.

Not that Lucifer was paying much attention to that.

Not at all.

"Cat got your tongue?" Alastor was watching him in his own unreadable catlike way.

"Course not! Anyway, here," he held out the litter box a little bit uselessly.

"And you didn't think my Gumbo had his own restroom? How both thoughtful, and thoughtless."

"You're welcome. I like the tunes."

He was determined not to let that snippy comment upset him.

"Ah, I always knew the devil liked jazz!"

Lucifer grinned, suddenly more at ease.

"It has its charms. I used to visit up there just for the speakeasies, drink in the night life. People watch."

"Did you ever grow bored with it?"

Alastor set the cheap litterbox into a nearby open closet where Lucifer spied Gumbo's personal restroom.

"Never. I could only ever stay for a small amount of time, you know; I'm technically not supposed to be able to see good in humanity and my curse pulled me back to hell pretty fast the more fun I had, so I had to learn how to appreciate the art and music without getting too happy about it."

He was babbling; letting loose with old as fuck personal stuff. What was wrong with him?

"You found a loophole."

He'd never admitted that to anyone, outside of his wife and child.

"I was determined to."

"It must have been..." A flash of recognition lit Alastor's eyes, "It had to have been difficult, to not be able to fully appreciate what life on earth had to offer."

Somehow or another, Lucifer knew Alastor understood that feeling all too well.

"It was. It is. I, uhh, I better go though. Stuff to do-"

He was still babbling, his mind uninhibited to keep on trucking with this vulnerability streak, keep appreciating the radio demon's scent and posture, and that bit of skin revealed at the open throat of his slightly unbuttoned shirt-

Alastor sat in one plush armchair, crossing one leg over the other. "Well, I won't keep you," he purred, as if he knew exactly what he was doing to Lucifer with his mere presence. "See you tomorrow at the group exercise, Applesauce."

"Will you stop calling me that? G'bye," Lucifer said irritably, turning to leave.

He exited, shutting the door behind him, hearing Alastor's faint radio chuckles following him out and  harmonizing musically with the jazz tunes.

Lucifer swore.

He did not need this.

Running a cold shower over his incredibly warm body, he just about beat up the tiles in the bathroom, making incomplete embarrassed noises; of all things- a fucking crush on the radio demon. It had to be a fluke. It had to be, were not his heated skin giving off that faint, perfumey pheremone that signaled the arrival of an attempted bond.

He breathed slowly, reeling it in, getting his thoughts in order as the freezing shower cooled his feverish skin.

Alastor had smelled so good.

Lucifer shuddered, trying not to allow a faint fantasy to bubble into his mind about what that revealed skin at Alastor's throat might taste like if he were to lick or nibble at it; salty, maybe, or-

"NOPE. Uh-uh. We're not doing this one."

He quickly washed off, took care of his period flow and leapt into bed fully naked, groaning. The fact that the sight of Alastor's casually dressed body had been enough to cause his core to actually throb a little bit with neediness killing his ability to sleep, for the time being.

"Fuck," he shoved his face into a pillow.

[stawpny]

yo

I’m bored so I’m gonna be dropping some NY headcannons

yuh

-NY as a kid had severe separation anxiety so he followed Massachusetts around like a lost kitten.

- even tho Mass started the war, he didn’t want NY to fight much since he didn’t want him to get hurt. It didn’t work out since New York was a clumsy little boy and he got like shot twice.

-as a fandom, we’ve all agreed he’s literally a cat.

—

- (not a hc) I feel like it’s funny that this fella has the weirdest state things that don’t rlly relate to him at all. a beaver? It should be a fucking pigeon.

the ladybug? it should be flies dude.

-help. fellow New Yorkers, what the hell is a dirty water dog? 😭

—

ok back

-New York needs hugs, and loves hugs, but he doesn’t say that he wants a hug. He kinda just stretches his arms out hoping the other understands.

-he’s a sad lil goober ☹️

-tired no matter how much he sleeps

-owns a flower shop/is a florist. He loves flowers and studied the color theory for it. NJ also runs the flower shop, but they never really do it together since it never ends well.

-squints his eyes at things, completely knowing he won’t see any better

-his laugh/smile is so pure

-soft ny>canon ny

—

these hc suck lmao

anyways, take these and skedaddle away

bye <3

[anna-dreamer]

Hey everyone! It's my birthday, and i am indulging myself. I've made a playlist for my Silm OC Trevadriel, who is a lot like me 5-10 years ago (that should explain some song choices! XD). Gonna explain each and every song now in detail, cause I can!

Баллада о борьбе - Мельница Amidst melting candles and evening prayers, Amidst war trophies and peaceful fires There lived bookish children who knew no battles, Ever aching with their trivial catastrophes.

Children were ever vexed By their age and their life, So we fought to the blood, To mortal resentment, But our mothers mended Our clothes swiftly, Whereas we swallowed books, Drunk on words. An old-timey song from her Mom's playlist, at first adopted without thinking. Trevadriel is a very young elf, and her upbringing in Rivendell was inevitably based on the great stories of the past. This song is both her youth in the shadow of great heroes and her early adulthood, when the titular struggle came into her own life. We Didn’t Start the Fire - Billy Joel No, we didn't light it. What are you gonna do if you are born into the world where so many crucial decisions were made long before you? Apart traveling back in time. But that's not possible, right. Besides, Mom will explain it all to her anyway. She knows what to do. Невидимка - Город 312 Nobody knows her name. Nobody has ever seen her laugh. .... It's easier for her to be invisible, So what if the world does not see her cry. Someone might find it stupid and weird, But it's all very serious for her. The ultimate not like the other girls song. Connections, what connections? I've got my own world here! Говорят, а ты не верь! - Евгений Крылатов They say, with each year this world grows older, Sun hides away in clouds and gives off less warmth, They say, before was better than now, Let them talk - do not listen, Let them talk - do not believe it! Motely, huge, and joyous, Defying days and years passing, This world is dazzlingly young; It is as old as we are! Another old-timey song, Mum-influenced, adopted as a credo of sorts. Let others lament that the world is fading, I am young, and the Valar owe me a life! End of the World - Skeeter Davis Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? Don't they know it's the end of the world? 'Cause you don't love me anymore. Mum skedaddled. Stand My Ground - Within Temptation It's all around Getting stronger, coming closer into my world I can feel that it's time for me to face it Can I take it? Trevadriel's emo phase: after she runs away from home, her edgy gimmick ends with the imminent time travel. Hoist up the Thing - The Longest Jones Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it! Trust me, I'm in control! Fake it till you make it - time travel edition, with huge stakes and little space for failure, wooo! Шелкопряд - Fleur And the seas filled to the brim drop by drop, Stones formed from a single grain of sand. It must be so long, eternity. I'd like to merely do my smallest part, With my short existence To weave at least one thread of silk.

Trevadriel is an elf and will live for a long while, but the world will live longer; it is huge, complicated, and she could never change all of it. She is choosing to do a small part. To gently persist. Hoping that in the end, it will make a difference. North - Sleeping at Last Smaller than dust on this map Lies the greatest thing we have: The dirt in which our roots may grow And the right to call it home Trevadriel finds Himring, swears fealty to Maedhros, and begins to feel truly at home in the Third Age. Children One and All - Mary Travers Some of us learn our lessons poorly Some of us learn them well Some of us find an earthly heaven Some of us live in hell Some of us go right on a'preachin' Without making too much sense Some of us hide behind a wall And some behind a fence But at night you can't you tell picket fences From bricks a tower tall But then we're only children Children one and all Trevadriel is slowly discovering that all people, even the most powerful and intimidating ones, are mere scared children at night, when all differences are meaningless. Riches and Wonders - Eliza Rickman and Jherek Bischoff We are strong, we are faithful We are guardians of a rare thing We pay close, careful attention To the news the morning air brings We show great loyalty To the hard times we've been through ... You felt shelter somewhere in me I find great comfort in you And I keep you safe from harm You hold me in your arms And I want to go home But I am home Trevadriel grows close with her time traveling buddies, filled with hope that they will both prevail in their mission and help each other. Five Foot Three - Flannel Graph Say if I had the kings of the earth on a board And I'd shift them around with their wealth and their swords Say if nations could rise and fall at my whim Oh I'd give you my power all the way to the brim Oh but I'm quite small and I never have it all together And I'm just a girl who doesn't have any diamonds or pearls But don't give me your pity 'cause there's more to life than pretty things So I'll just give you me Yeah I'll just give you me And I'm not even five foot three Maedhros. Чем ты дышишь - Ирина Богушевская What drives your heart, and who is your angel, And for whom were you singing, having lost your voice? Let me not know it, Merely call for me, if the memory grows bitter And oblivion would not deliver you. Let me into each day of your life: To be silent and to meet you without reproach in my eyes, Not knowing what drives your heart. Finrod.

End of the World - Skeeter Davis Why does my heart go on beating? Why do these eyes of mine cry? Don't they know it's the end of the world? It ended when you said, "Good-bye" Finrod told them to fuck off. Finrod told her to fuck off.

[hood-ex]

ooo ive got some tea for you. im living with three other roommates rn and one of them is this guy who is a nice person but a HORRIBLE roommate. anyway we've been having a pest problem for a while now and i called in some pest control to take a look at it and the guy said we have german cockroaches which are apparently CANNIBALS and regular traps don't work on them which is the WORST. but anyway.

i told my roommates this and the guy who is nice but a bad roommate was like "oh yeah i hate the roaches. im pretty sure they're from roommate X and her boyfriend since they make bread and cook all the time" and i was like well they haven't in a few weeks? you're the only one that's been using the kitchen and making an absolute MESS of it?

the reason this guy is a bad roommate is because he's an absolute slob. he leaves wet clothes in the laundry machine for HOURS while he's at work, makes a mess of the stove (read: BURNS his food on the coils and doesn't clean it up), leaves dirty dishes with food on them for DAYS at a time (record so far is 2 weeks), and will blast music, vacuum, scream, yell, you name it!! at all hours of the night with zero regard for how thin the walls are- and im right next to him </3

anyway, i told roommate X what he said and she was like uh huh yeah its allll my fault, def not the guy leaving his shit out everywhere and refusing to take out the trash

another roommate, roommate Y, lived with the guy for a year before X and i moved in, and she gave us the wholeee run down of what its like living with him. he's a big dude and easily is stronger than all of us girls, so confronting him about his shit is hard (he's punched a wall before- MASSIVE baby behavior imo) and he gaslights the hell out of anyone who tries to hold him accountable for his mess. like literally today when i was telling him about the pest people, and i said we need to be extra clean in the coming days, he was like "oh yeah totally, i always try to wash my dishes, and... you know what, i think i took out the trash too" and he peeks around the corner to see the old trash bag taken out and a new one in and nods to himself all like "yeah i did take it out" WHEN IM THE ONE WHO DID AND TOLD HIM SO BUT HE IGNORED ME

anyway. thats my tea <3 roommate drama sucks, everything is fine so nothing to stress about, but i thought the drama might be something fun for you to giggle about <333 peace and love emily!!

I'm sorry did you say CANNIBAL cockroaches?? 😭

That roommate sounds like the worst. I cannot stand people who are that inconsiderate. And not only inconsiderate but just obnoxiously loud with no regard for anyone else. Like the type of people who will slam their doors closed at night when everyone is sleeping and are somehow oblivious as to how that could disturb other people. Ugh!!

And that's so frustrating that y'all can't even confront him about it out of fear that he might hurt you! That man needs to learn how to take accountability and grow the hell up.

"Yeah, I did take it out." Like sir!! You best get out of my sight rn!!

Bad roommates suck! I hope he skedaddles and leaves y'all to your peace 😩.