#[anyway...i skedaddle into hell | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

megplant · 9 days ago

Text

Killshot - Part Two | Tangerine/Fem!Reader

Summary: Rival assassins! Continuation of Killshot (Part One here) - You ran into Tangerine & Lemon at the tail-end of a job gone wrong. It’s time to skedaddle.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, language, blood, weapons

——————————————————

So, picture this:

You’re in the back of a tiny car. Black leather interior stuck to your thighs. You’re crammed against the window by stacked luggage and duffel bags. And, you’re handcuffed. Oh, and your wrist is probably broken.

You cradle your hands close to your chest to prop up your broken wrist as comfortably as you can. You’re jostled every few seconds by another bump on the deserted dirt road which sends a sharp lance of pain down your arm with each movement.

There’s two men in the front of the car. They have been arguing, loudly, for the past ten minutes. Neither of them have as much as acknowledged you since they detained you in the backseat.

These two are possibly the most annoying twosome you have ever met. You have a splitting migraine, and it’s not just from getting your head bashed in earlier.

“-dunno why the hell you keep putting up with this fucking bird, and now we’re tits up in the middle of nowhere without the money-”

“Would you fucking drop it, you’re getting on my fucking tits-”

“-And I got blown up, did I mention the part where she literally blew me up?!”

“Only 17 fucking times, Mary. Christ - you didn’t even get hurt, look at me-”

“-Blown. Up. Bruv! Blown up!!”

You tune them back out, sighing and resting your head against the window. The cold glass pressed against your sweaty forehead cuts through some of the haze in your head, and you start to take stock of your situation.

Obviously, you can’t actually let the Twins capture you. There’s plenty of bounties and warrants out on any number of your identities that they could choose to cash in on. You simply can’t trust them enough to pass up a potential payout that big.

Besides, your employer will be waiting on your kill confirmation.

So, you need to escape. Which wouldn’t be a problem, except you’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.

The villa you’ve just helped these idiots escape is in the middle of the goddamn Scottish Highlands. The paranoid old man that lived there was some kind of Baron or something.

Whoever he was, he must have been important or wealthy enough for somebody to want him dead, anyway. That’s where you come in.

You and the Twins, you amend, irritated.

Competition is just another part of your job. It’s to be expected. But, not them. Not him.

You have been keeping tabs on the Twins since your run-in at the Duke’s last year, but the last you’d heard they were cleaning up some russki sleeper cell in Belgrave - which was absolutely nowhere near the UK.

But…then again, how long ago was that tip-off?

Sloppy.

So, they were here. Fine. It’s not unusual to go up against them for the same jobs, but - why this one?

This Baron wasn’t just a run-of-the-mill contract for you. You had additional objectives here.

It was not unusual for your employer to ‘double-dip’ by using certain contracts to simultaneously work towards their own mysterious agendas. They would add certain caveats or extra targets to contracts whenever they needed something to happen quietly.

Your additional objective, as it was described to you, was to ‘make a mess’ of the Baron’s security systems. At the time, you’d just assumed the higher-ups were interested in some data stored there and were using this contract to procure it for their own purposes.

The Twins would have picked up this job as part of their usual freelance work, and you know them well enough to know they would have only been interested in the payout. Anything bigger at play here likely wouldn’t have been on their radar at all.

It was just a simple job for them.

Not quite so simple for you, unfortunately. Any added duties or parameters on a given contract changes nothing for you. You’re always expected to complete the contract, no exceptions. The Firm’s policy on that point is very clear.

All agents will successfully complete all assignments. No exceptions.

You know you fulfilled their added objective with ease - the precision mines you’d planted strategically throughout the server room had done their job. That explosion wasn’t just the perfect distraction for a getaway, after all.

Killing the mark had been just as easy. Tangerine had guessed correctly that you were here on a honeypot, the jackass. But, it was too easy of an in to pass up. All you’d had to do was remove the Baron’s usual call girl, and insert yourself in her place.

Everything had been going smoothly - until Tangerine. He was the one stumbling block in your otherwise perfectly simple and flawlessly executed plan.

You’d run into him in the maintenance halls, where he was sweeping for troublemakers like you. At the time, you’d been in a hurry to drop a tail since you’d caught some unwanted attention during your exit from the old man’s study. A hooker covered in blood making a beeline for the secure server room was probably worth stopping, after all.

You’d already dispatched the two guards that were chasing you and planted your mines (notice the adaptability, you’ll highlight that in the report), but you were sure there was still someone else tailing you. So, distracted and in a rush - you’d been reacquainted with Tangerine’s knuckle dusters.

Your little explosion had only gone off a minute or so after you’d fled the server room, so if Lemon really had gotten caught up there, he must have been right behind you. You were impressed, actually - he’d been doing a good job tailing you.

So, the job was done. You fulfilled your extra objectives. You got out clean. You just needed to ditch the Twins and make contact with your handler and you’d be in the clear.

Your eyes are closed while you puzzle out your situation, resting your head against the car’s window. When you decide to break your silence, you speak without moving, only opening your eyes enough to watch the two men in the rearview mirror.

The rasp in your voice is more pronounced as you attempt to speak up, and it forces you to cough and wheeze before you can find your voice.

You watch Lemon glance between you and Tangerine. His eyebrows raise, knowingly, though he keeps his lips pressed into a thin line. Lemon has never been your biggest fan.

You smile, sharp, unable to help yourself from goading them both. You keep your eyes glued to Lemon’s, grinning smugly. “Tell me - how far behind me were you, Lem? The old man must have been getting cold by the time you got there.”

Tangerine slams the brakes, and you smack face-first into the back of the passenger seat - unable to catch yourself with your hands cuffed together. You sputter indignantly, righting yourself as gracefully as you can. Just as you’re opening your mouth to tell him where to shove it, he cuts you off-

“That’s enough out of the bloody cheap seats. I will happily shove you in the boot if you don’t behave, dammit!” He grinds the words out, a vein in his neck standing out as he clenches his jaw tight.

You believe him.

You sit back slowly, finding Tan’s piercing blue eyes boring into yours through the rearview. You try your best not to smile as you make a show of zipping your lips and throwing away the key. His mustache doesn’t so much as twitch. Joyless bastard.

Still - you know from your mission prep that it’s at least another hour to the nearest petrol station, and you aren’t keen on spending it pretzeled in the damn boot. You’ll be quiet. For now.

As Tangerine starts driving again - spinning the wheels on the country road and sending dirt flying as he hits 75 kph in 2 seconds flat - you can hear another argument start up between him and Lemon. This time their tones are hushed and urgent - they’ve finally realized you’re listening.

Most likely, they’re arguing about what the hell to do about you. You still haven’t confirmed the kill, so technically the contract on the Baron is still open. You hope they aren’t coming to that realization on their own, since you’d really hate to kill them for trying to take credit for your kill.

Your employer has their policies, after all.

Your mind races, flipping through your various contingencies. You want to stop and get your bearings and figure out what to do, but with Tangerine pushing 100kmph you’ll have to think fast.

It’s too dark to get any idea of where you are based on the scenery flying by - and it all looks the same out here, anyway. Darkness swims around the car, only some flecks of dirt and debris kicked up by the tires catching the light from the headlamps.

You shift in your cramped seat, anxiety starting to claw its way up your chest and into your throat. The handcuffs are rubbing your wrists raw, and there’s definitely not enough air in this car.

You know there’s a simple and obvious solution to this problem. You have a panic button embedded in your tacky bejeweled earrings and a burner phone tucked into your bodice. Neither of the Wonder Twins bothered to pat you down or check you for contraband before shoving you in the car, they just took your weapons and cuffed you.

You only have to reach one - earrings or phone, and you can call for backup.

You should just call it in. An extraction team would be here within the hour, if you call it in.

You would almost certainly be signing Lemon and Tangerine’s death warrants if you call it in.

Your handler will kill you if you don’t call it in.

You watch Tangerine’s bloodied hands gesture erratically while he argues with Lemon. The pale light from the headlamps backlight him in a fuzzy glow. It illuminates a perfect sliver of his profile to you, the sharp angles of his face captured in stark relief against the dark outside the windows. He’s as animated as you remember, and your chest swells with nostalgic fondness as you watch him drive and argue.

You picture his hands, so warm and so full of life, laying still. Forever.

You are so fucking stupid.

You settle back in your seat with a resigned sigh and, for the better part of the next hour, you pretend to sleep.

The Twins’ arguing dies out eventually, and you imagine they’ve reached some kind of conclusion about what to do next. You don’t bother to try and figure out what their plan will be, since you’ll be driving this trainwreck from here on out.

After a while, the bumpy dirt and gravel access road turns into true pavement. The fast pace Tangerine has set on the dirt roads only picks up when he hits smooth asphalt. It feels like the car is flying down the winding country roads, and the absence of turbulence provides a blissful reprieve to your senses.

There’s too much empty time before you reach the petrol station and despite your nerves, you do end up dozing fitfully; pulled under by the hypnotic thrum of the engine and the endless black.

——————————

You can’t have been asleep more than ten minutes, but you wake with a gasp - your eyes fly to the rearview mirror and catch Tangerine watching you. He must have seen you jump. You don’t like the flash of concern you see in his eyes, so you play to type and fix him with a childish glare.

“Are we there yet?” You whine, your voice filling up the cab after so much silence.

It grates on your own ears, so you know Tangerine gripping the steering wheel tight enough to make it creak is an authentic reaction. Your satisfied grin is too.

“Service station coming up.” Lemon mumbles in response, clearly too tired to put up with your bullshit himself.

“Oh, good - I’ve been needing the toilet for miles!” You shift around in your seat, pretending not to see the looks the Twins are sending each other.

They won’t want to let you out of their sight - rightfully so. But you do need to get this show on the road.

Turns out, Lemon was right. You can see the service station off in the distance as you round a bend. The buzzing fluorescents light your way like a garish beacon.

You keep quiet as you approach, apprehension starting to settle heavily around your shoulders. Your plan isn’t so much a plan as a goal, with that goal simply being to get away from the Twins. So, you aren’t feeling as prepared as you usually like to be.

You pay sharp attention as the small town car slowly turns off the main road and into the empty asphalt lot that contains the station. There’s a bank of petrol pumps taking up most of the lot, lit up dayglo white with those beckoning fluorescents. You can see a small shop with a worker inside, and a larger building for the toilets beside it.

Tan takes a circle of the lot around the buildings - paranoid as ever - which lets you notice a few small egress windows lining the back wall of the toilets.

Tangerine finally parks the car in between the two tiny buildings, and you reach for the door handle, looking forward to stretching your legs -

“- Hold on!”

He barks sharply, with enough volume to make you flinch away from the door sheepishly.

“What? I have to pee! You’re really not gonna let a lady use the toilets?” You’re fixing them with an incredulous look, absolutely offended at their total lack of decency or chivalry.

They simultaneously look from you to each other, and start arguing silently with grimaces and exaggerated hand motions. You watch it quietly escalate, amused. Eventually they must reach some kind of consensus, as Tan throws his hands up and lets out a loud, exasperated sigh.

“Fine! Lem, go fill ‘er up, I’ll take our guest to the ladies since it’s apparently so fucking urgent.”

“Gee, thanks ever so..” You mumble under your breath as you finally let yourself out of the cramped back seat.

The extent of your injuries slams into your consciousness once you’re out of the warm cocoon of the heated cab. The cold air hits you like a freight train, painful and sharp. You stagger slightly, all the blood rushing from your head as you try to stand.

The asphalt threatens to meet your face but Tangerine catches your elbow, and you’re able to steady yourself.

There’s a beat of silence as you catch your breath and will your eyes to focus on him. You’re hyper aware of him intently studying you. The car pulls smoothly away, heading towards the petrol pumps.

“Alright, love?” He asks softly, breath fogging in the air between you. It’s too quiet, too intimate, too familiar, too genuine and it makes your voice stick in your throat.

You just nod quickly, clearing your throat, and pulling your arm away as you straighten yourself out. You take a step forward, and there’s no trace of shakiness in your limbs. Not one wobble on your hooker heels. It takes a great deal of effort to force your body to look composed, but you keep that off your face when you turn back to smirk at Tangerine. You pretend to ignore the disapproval you can see coloring his features.

“Can I please go to the loo, now?”

He just rolls his eyes at you with a scoff, and jerks his head in the direction of the bathroom. “Fine, march, then - and no sudden movements, I’m not in the bloody mood.”

“Sure, I’ll be a perfect angel, but-”

You gesture with your handcuffed hands to the sign telling you to get a key for the toilets from the clerk inside. “We need the key.”

He’s already glaring up at the sky like God is purposefully coming up with ways to annoy him, so you just keep talking.

“And you can’t very well bring me along in handcuffs - look at the state of me, he’ll call the cops in a second. I s’pose you could just leave me out front here, alone, while you go inside and leave me here by myself for just a second…”

You’re already holding your handcuffs out towards him, a cheeky smile on your face. Tangerine lets out another long-suffering sigh, and digs in his pocket for the key. He grabs on to your wrists, holding you still while he glares you down.

“You stay where I can see you, and no funny business.” He says, twisting the key in the lock and gently unlatching and pulling the cuffs away.

But, he doesn’t let go of your wrists, even once the handcuffs are off and slipped into his pocket. You aren’t stupid enough to try and pull away, and you wait patiently for him to feel he’s sufficiently made his point.

“Relax, Tan. You’ll wrinkle.”

He simply holds your gaze for a moment longer, before finally letting go of your wrists and sweeping you forward with his other arm. It doesn’t escape your notice that he keeps his arm locked around your waist, keeping you right where he can see you.

Paranoid bugger.

Your wrist throbs dully, but you experiment with flexing and testing it while Tangerine escorts you. Dislocated, you reckon, not quite shattered like you thought. It hurts like a bitch if you clench or overextend, but you’ve had worse - it won’t get in your way.

Tan shoulders open the door to the convenient store, pulling you inside right beside him. The door jingles jauntily, and you’re pleased to see a dead-eyed teenage boy behind the counter. He offers the two of you what could have been a greeting, but was really just a grunt and a nod.

You’re already being prodded forward to the registers by Tan, impatient as ever.

You lean against the counter, tucked up against Tan’s side and feigning boredom while he asks for the bathroom key. Some conversation ensues about needing to make a purchase to use the loo.

Tan grumbles about paying for the petrol while your eyes dart around the shop, cataloging everything within reach. The lighter display catches your eye - cheap plastic ones in garish colors. Right next to them, at perfect height for children’s grabby hands, candy, toy cars, and a few boxes of bang snaps.

Perfect.

While Tan's busy paying for a pack of smokes to secure the toilet key, you palm a neon green lighter and two small bang snap boxes with practiced ease. They slide neatly into your empty thigh holster.

The intricate movements sends a sharp reminder of pain through your wrist, making you grit your teeth. Soon. You'll fix that soon enough.

Your non-plan is swiftly taking shape into a sort of okay plan before your eyes, your mind racing through next steps and back up options.

"Ready, love?" Tangerine's voice breaks through your thoughts, jangling the key in front of your face impatiently. You snap out of your thoughts quickly, jumping to action.

You push off the counter with an exaggerated sigh, pushing past him.

"Finally! I have got to use the bloody bathroom!"

Tan keeps up with you easily, his arm finding its way back around your waist as he steers you towards the bathroom. You glance over and see Lemon by the petrol pumps, methodically going through the motions of filling up the cars tank.

He catches your eye and gives you a warning look that you pretend not to notice.

The bathroom door creaks open with a protest of rusty hinges. You both stare at it for a moment. It's exactly what you expected - big empty concrete room with a single toilet, sink, and yes - there's that lovely emergency window.

Tangerine does a quick sweep of the tiny space before stepping back. "Five minutes," he says firmly. "Door stays unlocked."

You flutter your eyelashes at him. "What, you don't trust me?"

"Not even a little bit, darling." But there's something almost fond in his expression that makes your stomach twist.

You shut the door in his face.

Moving quickly, you snatch handfuls of paper towels, stuffing them into the tiny bin along with whatever else you can find - toilet paper, empty toilet rolls, paper cup from the sink, ancient magazine rotting in the corner.

The bang snaps come next, hastily linked together with strips of toilet paper into a makeshift fuse leading to the door. All the extras get heaped into the bin.

Your wrist screams at you with every movement and the shaking is impeding your finer motor skills. Might as well take care of that now.

You brace yourself against the sink and get a firm grasp on your bad wrist. You take a deep breath, and twist. The crack of bone sliding back into place makes your vision white out for a second, but the relief is immediate.

Sharp, lancing pain had given way to a deeper throbbing kind of pain. The kind you could more easily keep pushing through.

"Everything alright in there?" Tangerine calls through the door, making you jump.

"Just peachy!" you sing back, keeping your voice as easygoing as you can.

You snatch up the end of your little dynamite toilet paper rope, moving to the window. It takes some careful maneuvering - these heels weren't made for cat burglary - but you manage to wiggle through without making too much noise.

You have to flick the lighter several times before the flame will catch. You blame your trembling fingers on the pain, ignoring the nerves. The flimsy paper finally catches and you watch the fire sprawl neatly down your knotted rope.

You drop from the window and the first pop goes off just as your feet hit the ground outside.

It gets really loud, really quickly.

The firecrackers start going off in rapid succession, echoing enough in the small space to almost sound like real gunfire. Acrid, black smoke from your improvised trash fire starts to unfurl from the window above you.

You assume Tan can see it, too, because you can hear him shouting something and banging on the tinny door. You locked it, of course, so he’s trying to bust it down.

Crouching low behind the back wall of the toilets, you can hear Lemon shouting over the still-popping firecrackers. Then, his footsteps pounding across the asphalt.

You're already running.

The car sits alone at the pump like a gift, engine purring quietly, front door wide open. You throw yourself into the driver's seat, hands finding the gear shift just as you hear Tangerine's voice rising in alarm - and getting closer.

"Lem, wait - FUCK!”

He had realized your game a second too late, and was sprinting back to try and intercept you.

“The bloody car, LEMON!”

Tan was gesturing wildly in your direction, and Lemon finally got it, whipping around with his pistol drawn.

But you're already peeling out of the lot before he can get a shot off, tires screaming against the asphalt. In the rearview mirror, you catch one last glimpse of the Twins - Lemon with his gun drawn, Tangerine's face twisted in fury and something that might be grudging respect.

You can't help but laugh as you floor it onto the empty highway, the night swallowing you whole. Your wrist aches, your dress is ruined, and you're pretty sure you've lost a heel somewhere in the chaos.

But you're free.

And really, that's all that matters.

#tangerine bullet train #tangerine #tangerine and lemon #lemon bullet train #bullet train #tangerine x reader #tangerine/reader #killshot #bullet train fanfic

25 notes · View notes

atsadi-shenanigans · 26 days ago

Text

FBSE 6 - A Gith and a Sharran

You dispense advice.

On AO3.

You wake up alone. This surprises you, for some reason. Sweetums is still curled next to you, watching like a cat that ain’t ready to get up. And your other side is…empty.

Astarion was here. Crawled in here, and your pulse spiked all hot and bothered, but the feather baby was right there, and you always hid under the blanket whenever you was messing with yourself and Nugget used to wander into the bedroom.

And you’d been mentally chewing over Shadowheart.

Astarion had sat beside you like girls do on them sleepovers on TV. Told you all about Shar. Who sounds like the loveliest fucking peach you ever heard of. Not that you got a whole lotta room to judge? Sometimes, the only thing keeping you going when you was young was the certainty that everyone in the world who wasn’t on the farmstead would burn in hell once the lord returned with the sword, the lion to the lamb, and scoured the filth from the earth. Leaving only his true chosen. Which was you. You’d finally be vindicated. Finally be borne on high to your reward while everyone else suffered for eternity. You’d longed for it.

You rub your face.

What a fuck shit mess.

You heard it in her voice, yesterday. “She loves me still.” The tremulous shiver. She wasn’t certain, was she. Had been doubting. That is the most dangerous thing for someone stuck in her mentality. All the Aunts and the Pastor and even Mother was right when they said doubt was the doorway to temptation. The crack in the holy armor to let the devil whisper his poison through.

Shadowheart is all swept up in what you used to be. Some version of it, anyway.

“Is there anybody in this camp not fucked over by a god or a monster?” you say.

Sweetums blinks back at you.

You don’t remember falling asleep. Astarion was there, though. Not touching or nothing, just nearby, like a cat. You hope you didn’t slump over onto him; you don’t even remember conking out.

Ain’t no trace of him now. He must’a skedaddled after you crashed out. What an impression you must be making, all official like.

You pick yourself up, start to roll up your things to shove into your magic bag (thank you, Gale). Have to nudge Sweetums to get off the corner of the bedroll.

“Poor baby,” you say. “Still scared?”

You seen what his mama could do. What he’ll grow into. But right now, he’s just a little guy, sensibly spooked by a creepy ass landscape.

“You wanna go find Scratch?” You bury your fingers into the soft feathers between his ear tufts and give him a scritch. He makes a soft, reluctant trill. Almost a purr. It stops the second you pull away. “Lets get you some food and a potty.”

The dog lingers outside the tent, waiting for his friend. Perks up the second you lift that tent flap and gallops over when Sweetums shuffles out. They two of them lick and nibble at each other, and you smile as they trot off to do what they do.

Astarion’s tent is dark and still, the flap tied shut. He don’t need to sleep as much as you—reverie, he calls it. Must just want alone time. Read a book. Do his hair. Probably mutter to himself about picking the loser who turns down a necking session to talk about a god.

Your first relationship is going well.

You’re so lost in your head you don’t even notice Lae’zel until you turn and she’s just standing there.

“Jesus!” you say.

“You have not taken your communication potion?” she says. Like you’d be able to answer if she was right.

“I did. It’s a saying. Good morning?”

“It is neither good nor a morning.”

No inflection, no expression. She just…stares at you.

“Did…you want something?” you say.

“You and the bloodsucker have mated,” she says. So now you’re contemplating throwing yourself into the shadows and joining the ranks of the cursed. “You are both pathetic. How did you manage this?”

For a very long moment, all you can do is blink at her while the gears of your brain flash-rust together. Your mouth opens. You close it. Stare some more.

Lae’zel scowls. “If you do not wish to answer, say so.”

Does she sound…well. Not hurt. You’re pretty sure she’d rather smash out her own teeth than show any kind of vulnerability. But there’s something to her tone. Something that kicks you into talking.

“Mating?” you say, instead of anything useful.

And the woman gives you the most withering glare you ever saw. And you grew up with super fundy cultist Aunts. “You reek of each other. He goes to your tent. One of you is always staring at the other.”

Hey now, that was one time—what does she mean stare? You look at Astarion when he ain’t looking at you. You can’t help it. His face is just…fascinating. Yes, alright, he’s handsome. But then he’s got lines, and he almost looks like a different person at certain angles, or when he’s in a mood. It’s just interesting. You’re kind of…cataloging it. His face.

But Lae’zel’s statement implies you ain’t the only one?

And reeking. Y’all haven’t had any kind of, like, “traditional” sex (part of you says fingerbanging counts, even the once, but penis-in-vagina is so ingrained into you by the farmstead and everything after as the only “real” sex that you just feel weird thinking about it at all). But you doubt Lae’zel cares to argue that point. She’s getting to something. You just ain’t catching it in all the internal screaming.

“I…sure,” you say. “What is it you’re asking?”

Her lips thin in a way that all but shouts “this fucking idiot.” But she squares her shoulders, folds her arms, and says, “Your kind has courtship rituals. What are they.”

Oh. That…huh.

Behind her, a purple tent flap lifts and Shadowheart climbs into what can only charitably be called daylight. Lae’zel doesn’t so much as glance her way. Barely moves at all. But there’s a shift in her, something in her stance, that reminds you of a cat hearing their owner stir, or a sunflower lifting at dawn.

Oh.

“Well. Usually, uh,” you start. What do people do for a date? They don’t got movies or shows out here. Can’t go to a zoo or a museum or the beach. “Usually, I guess, y’all find out what each other likes? An activity to do?”

“Mating?” Lae’zel says.

“I mean…some people…maybe? It. It really depends on the person? Why don’t you ask her what she likes?”

Is…is Lae’zel…?

Holy fuck she is. Gaze flickers. She readjusts her stance. Her cheeks change color, just a bit. The woman fucking blushes.

“I did,” she says.

“And?”

Her gaze meets your like she’s trying to stab you with it. “She said she likes a decorative plant species and cannot swim.”

“Wait, she can’t swim?”

Lae’zel is now trying to murder you with her mind.

Fair point. It ain’t like they got city pools where you can take swimming lessons (at twenty years old with a bunch of kindergartners and an instructor younger than you). A lotta people in medieval Europe didn’t swim, either. Unless that’s another historical misconception.

Anyway.

“Okay,” you drawl. “So you could always give her one of them plants? If we have one?”

You think she might be talking about a flower? That’s traditionally romantic, according to media. Though with Shadowheart (and what Astarion told you about her goddess), you ain’t gonna be surprised if it’s actually some kinda poisonous cactus or something.

“I do not know the vegetation of this plane,” Lae’zel says. Glances over to Gale trying his damnedest to light the campfire (and swearing) (quietly). “How did the bloodsucker convince you to mate with him?”

Well. That is a question, huh. One you also don’t wanna think about. A lotta saving each other’s asses. Riding around on a lizard. Killing people. When he—

“Food,” you say. You’re such a fucking genius. Probably should’a thought of that one earlier, but hey, ain’t nobody’s perfect. “People eat together. Go somewhere to buy a meal, or make them together. And then eat together.”

Lae’zel studies you. Gives the world’s most reluctant nod. Then she turns and just…stalks off. No thank you. No follow up. Not even a “good morning.”

“Isn’t she such a delight?”

“Jesus!” You damn near leap outta your skin.

Fucking Astarion stands right behind you. Which means he snuck up there. Lae’zel fucking saw him do it, and not a one of them gave you a fucking warning.

Fucking goblin ass people.

Of course now everybody looks at you. You give a wave and a fake smile. Turn to Astarion, who outright grins.

“And she isn't’ the only one,” he says. The jackass.

“Morning Astarion, how’re you, how long you been standing there?” you say.

He has the audacity to focus on digging a single granule of dirt out beneath one fingernail. “Good morning to you, darling. Nearly the entire time. Playing matchmaker, now that you’re so experienced?”

Is that…is he jabbing at you? He seems at ease, posture loose and light. But after last night and the days before it, you ain’t exactly sure. Until he lifts his gaze and gives you a saucy little wink,.

He’s teasing.

Y’all both watch Lae’zel stalk right past Shadowheart and disappear into her own tent.

“I got no idea. You really did call it, though.” At his blank look, “Them. I know I said that before, but like, you really called it.”

Oh, he absolutely preens at that (it’s a good look on him) (you should compliment him more).

“I know,” he says. Sidles in close and props one elbow up on your shoulder to lean in conspiratorially. You are not completely distracted by the way his herby perfume fills your senses. “Do you think she’ll actually pull it off? A gith and a Sharran? Either they’ll flop about on top of each other like a dying fish, or else I expect the screaming will keep us all awake.”

You ain’t blushing. It’s just suddenly real warm out. In a sunless, shadow-cursed graveyard of a place with perpetual twilight and shadow monsters.

And then Astarion’s breath tickles the shell of your ear as he says, “Speaking of.”

You don’t flinch away, but it’s close. Y’all have kissed. He’s been basically necking you since halfway through the Underdark, and he’s had his fingers up your cooch. And still, the inner propriety Aunts rage through you that he’s too close, too suggestive, you’re a filthy slut letting him do that.

Even as a warm shiver runs down your spine.

“Let’s see how today goes,” you say. “If we run into another pack of monsters and I get my nose bit off, I don’t think either of us will be in the mood.”

“Oh, perish the thought.”

Dating. You told Lae’zel dating was food.

Astarion’s face is so close. You…don’t actually know that much about him, aside from he’s horny, fussy, and sometimes a huge asshole. You really ought to take your own advice. Learn more about him. And one of the most reliable ways to soften people up is to make them cookies. Or in Astarion’s case, give the man some blood.

“You can feed on my tonight, too, if you want,” you say. “Even if I do get my nose bit off.”

His eyes light up. His hand comes up and he brushes the ends of your shaggy hair (probably developing split ends, goddamnit). “Mmm. You’re such a sweetheart.”

Then he steps away. Bumps the side of your hips with his. His smile makes your heart go all…wibbly (you’re in so fucking deep, jesus fuck).

“Bollocks!” Gale says. Looks up sheepishly from his sad pile of smoldering twigs. “I’m afraid you’ll all have to settle for bread, cheese, and, ugh, cold tea this morning.”

Poor man looks seconds away from kicking the failure pile.

“I ever tell y’all about iced tea?” you say. Maybe something good can come outta this.

#fsbe #these two shitheads #astarion #bg3 #astarion x tav #tavstarion #baldur's gate 3 #act 2 #demisexual tav #plus size tav

31 notes · View notes

autisticlancemcclain · 1 year ago

Text

fic rec friday 47

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Damnit, Pidge by spirkylurkey

Pidge has some top-secret-classified-don't-tell-Keith-info that she accidentally lets slip to, you guessed it, Keith. Lance is an embarrassed mess. Keith isn't faring much better, to be honest.

this one made me LAUGH the way that this all pidge's fault and she's literally like. well. you shouldn't be so gay then. and she's right!! they're so dumb i love them

2. Operation: Faking It by @writeonclara

“What the hell, guys?” Pidge squawked, wrestling away from Matt. “Why are you pretending to be a couple?” Or: Matt and Lance pretend to be a couple because Shiro and Keith are clueless as hell.

do you guys remember shatt?? i remember shatt. adashi will always have my heart but shatt will literally always be funny bc ofc thats ur fic name. anyways. this fic is mostly klance but the entire concept is just so ridiculously goofy that u have to laugh. do you like lance and matt? do you like fake relationship to real relationship? do you like inverted tropes? do you like pining? do you like comedic jealousy? then this fic is well and truly for you because it has all that and more

3. all's well that ends well to end up with you by @coruscatingcatastrophe

Keith's jacket gets ruined, so Lance decides to be a good Samaritan and give him his. This is the beginning of the end.

megan's fic literally make me want to eat cement i'm so serious. i've read and been obsessed with TONS of her stuff but this one???? this fucking one???? oh god the slowburn kills me. the blossoming realisation that oh god we've been dating this whole time huh. the CHIVALRY...............a romance novel in the truest of senses and i am going to fry

4. as long as it won't separate you from me (i'll be fine) by @coruscatingcatastrophe

A little intrigued—not that she’d ever admit it—Pidge begins to climb the stairs. But before she even reaches halfway, the door—slams shut. All on its own, or so it seems. Pidge pauses, brows creasing in confusion, as she turns to look down at her dog. “Did you see that?” she asks. Peculiarly, she notes that Bae Bae’s fur is bristled, and he growls at the door before barking twice. That’s weird. Bae Bae never growls. Turning back to the door, Pidge feels unsettled, but she tells herself not to jump to ridiculous conclusions. There’s a logical explanation for everything. Maybe there was a gust of wind from the air conditioner, or the doorframe isn’t level. Whatever it is, she’s going to figure it out. - Or, a Beetlejuice au (kind of). Pidge isn't a fan of her new house, Lance and Keith are the ghosts haunting her attic, and together they hatch a plot to convince Shiro and Adam to skedaddle out of the house. There may be demon summoning involved. But seriously, Adam. Getting your hair set on fire really isn't that bad.

HAPPY (late) HALLOWEEN!!! ive been thinking about this fic all october and finally let myself reread it. ive never loved beetlejuice more than when i read this. it's so fun!! so interesting!! pidge gets a chance to shine!! klance are so!!! the way it had the story of beetlejuice but adapted well!! im!!

5. never thought i'd see the day in my life by @coruscatingcatastrophe

But Keith has somehow gone even paler in the short amount of time he’s been at the table, and he shakes his head. “No, something is . . .” His gaze flickers back to Lance, and he’s startled to find that Keith’s eyes are purple. They’ve got to be contacts. Ridiculous. As if the mullet and gloves and personality weren’t enough. Keith pushes away from the table abruptly, looking incredibly put-off now. “I, uh—gotta go,” he mutters, before angrily gathering up the backpack he’d dropped into the chair next to him and storming out of the cafeteria. “Huh,” Hunk says. “Well, that introduction could have gone a bit better. Don’t take it personally though; sometimes Keith’s just like that.” - Or, a Twilight au starring Lance as Bella, Keith as Edward, and the rest of the Voltron gang as themselves. Lance is insufferable, Keith is awkwardly trying to figure out why Lance is the way he is, and along the way they fall in love, or something. It's probably, definitely the best love story since Twilight itself.

now ive never read twilight and i refuse to on principle. but i didn't find this one creepy and instead it was super fun and dweeby and lance is indeed a ray of sunshine, thank you megan for noticing, and it turns out when the story isn't a hetero mormon wet dream it's actually a good time!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

162 notes · View notes

tired-biscuit · 2 years ago

Note

What would Kiba do if we would tell him how handsome he is but in a coo voice, just straight up petting his face and patting his head telling him what a pretty boy he is.

18+ fem!reader // cw: praise kink, very soft and cute. modern AU, established relationship.

he’s unsure about it at first.

this man is just so unapproachable-looking at first glance, you know? he’s dark, all sharp features, crossed arms over a wide chest. he’s heavy boots, anger issues, fed up eye rolls and impatience. the persistent scowl that he’s always wearing on his face doesn’t help his case either. just by looking at him, people get the feeling that he’s going to be a bitchy cunt the moment he opens his mouth.

and kiba likes that just fine. he likes being intense and perhaps even a little bit intimidating because it leaves a lasting impression, which is what he’s always strived to achieve anyway. he likes that when he steps into the room, people’s eyes flicker in his direction. that they turn a bit wary. that he provokes a reaction. that he can’t possibly be overlooked.

so for you to step onto your tippy-toes and pull him closer because of the height difference, smushing his cheeks until his lips are pursing, gushing and cooing what an absolute cutie he is; what a pretty boy he is, definitely catches him off guard at the start of your relationship.

i mean, he tries so hard to look like he’s this big, cool badass who does not give a single flying fuck about anything or anyone, just for you to come skedaddling his way; flipping that image right on its head with all your empathy and lovey-dovey gestures.

nevertheless, i think he secretly feels flattered by it, though it does take him a long while to start to wilfully show and actually admit to how much he appreciates all your doting in reality. you already know it, of course — how endearing he actually finds your actions — from how the tips of his ears flush a faint red each time you get sugary with him, and how his eyes start to flicker onto just about anything in the room but you.

it’s always the same reaction. you go all “ooh, you’re my baby! my lil’ baby!” on him and he grumbles something under his breath; telling you to “c’mon, stop that” while his face gets so warm to the touch that it makes the tips of your fingers tingle. what’s even funnier is that he doesn’t even think of moving away despite all the fuss and protesting that he’s causing. and it’s so adorable, how vividly flustered he gets by it every single time!

so months pass one after the other, and slowly, ever so patiently, you lure out a praise kink out of him that he never even knew he had.

because all of a sudden, your grumpy boyfriend catches himself preening — yes, actually preening — just so that he can receive more of your little compliments. catches himself helping you with little, mindless chores just so that you have a reason to thank him and give him your approval afterwards.

he sighs to no end and mopes in bed until you lean over and give him his goodnight kiss. whenever he comes home from work, feeling tired as hell, he just plops down on top of you while you’re watching tv on the couch, and lets you wrap your legs around him and stroke his back until he feels better.

he actually likes all the cooing and babying. he likes the sweet little pet names that you call him. he likes the cutesy text messages and the matching bracelets and the fact that you insist on getting matching t-shirts whenever you go on vacation together. he likes taking pictures with you, even if he never posts anything on his instagram. he’s so down bad that he even wears your initial around his neck.

he likes how you take care of him when he gets sick, even if he starts acting dramatic about it; whining and complaining like he’s about to die from a simple cold. he likes how you cheer for him whenever you have a lazy day and choose to spend it by playing video games on the couch — you make him keep trying to beat the stupid level even if he lacks the patience for it. as a matter of fact, he’ll win it just for you.

and he also likes that you keep steady eye contact whenever you clamber on top of him in that clumsy way that he thinks is oh, just so goddamn cute, and how you ride him in that slow, passionate rhythm he’d never pick himself before meeting you. he likes how you smile and caress his face when his lips part and he moans in pure bliss at the feeling of your sticky cunt squeezing around him so, so tight; finally submitting to the feeling and allowing himself to be vulnerable. he likes how you call him beautiful, then. not handsome, not hot; beautiful.

it’s the little things. sometimes they’re cute, like holding his hand when you’re out and about, and sharing the leftovers from your plate with him because you know he wants them even if he never asks for them. other times they’re dumb, like when you convince him to let you pamper him with your vast collection of skincare products, and how you get matching tongue piercings just because you’re curious what it’s like to kiss with them as soon as the swelling goes down.

he’s fond of it all as long as it’s with you. because unlike with other people, you don’t just look at him; you make him feel seen. with you, love grows.

you see the layers and all the gooey softness that hides underneath. you see his heart. the twinkle of kindness that appears in his dark brown eyes. how careful and gentle he is with animals. the playfulness in his grin, even if it’s sharp and rare.

you see him.

but you best know that he’s fighting for his life in the groupchat the moment his friends find out how much he actually loves it when you baby him!

#he’s such a cutie i will sob!!!!!#kiba x reader #kiba smut #naruto smut #naruto x reader #biscuit drabbles

251 notes · View notes

pompomqt · 9 months ago

Text

Journey to the West Chapter 42

Bull Demon King (Sun Wukong) warning Redboy about Sun Wukong:

And you stole his Master. And Pigsy to I guess.

This week on Journey to the West with @journeythroughjourneytothewest we continue our adventures with the fiery Redboy. So let's get into it shall we?

We start back up with where we left off, with Monkey eavesdropping on Redboy telling his minions to go invite the Venerable Great King to dinner. So Monkey hedges his bets and takes a gamble that he must be talking about his father, the Bull Demon King. And luckily for Monkey he knows what the guy looks like since they were buddy's 500 years ago. I guess Monkey is counting on the Bull Demon King not getting a new haircut in the last 500 years. Anyways Monkey skedaddles from the cave and plops himself ten miles up the path before transforming himself into the Bull Demon King.

Sure enough, as soon as the minion demons spot the 'Bull Demon King', they invite him to dinner and leads him back to the cave. Redboy is like 'Well that was quick', but quickly goes to respectfully greet his father. Anyways Redboy excitedly tells him all about the tasty monk he has acquired for them to eat. The 'Bull Demon King' asks if this monk happens to be the master of one Sun Wukong- scourge of heaven itself. Redboy confirms it, and 'Bull Demon King' recommends he just send the monk back, because Sun Wukong is far to dangerous to mess with, and if they eat the Monk he will definitely flatten this whole mountain.

Redboy however isn't worried, after all he's managed to chase him off with his True Fire of Samadhi twice now. The false Bull Demon King warns him that Sun Wukong is very tricky and transform to look like anything- like say- something as tiny as a fly- or even something as large as say- a Bull Demon King. Redboy however just scoffs and says that he would definitely be able to see through Sun Wukong's transformations! Anyways seeing that scare tactics aren't going to work on Redboy, Wukong switches to stall tactics. He says that while he would love nothing more then to have some tasty monk meat he unfortunately can't today. He's trying this new diet where he goes vegetarian once a week, and today is the that day, but he'll totally be up to it tomorrow.

Redboy however finds this suspicious since the Bull Demon King is always down for chowing on humans. So Redboy asks his minions where they found this Bull Demon King, and they say they found him on the way, not at his actual house. Redboy is fairly certain that they've been deceived, but can't be to hasty just in case it really is his father, so he resolves to question him first. So Redboy tells his minions to be ready to jump the fake king when he gives the signal, and he goes to question him. So Redboy asks him to tell him the exact time and date of his birth. Sun Wukong sweats nervously at the question because how the hell is he supposed to know that? However he gives what I consider to be a perfectly adequate dad response in: "I don't know, I'll ask your mother." Apparently unlike most fathers though, the Bull Demon King actually does know the answer, and apparently never shuts up about it. So Redboy gives the signal for his minion demons to attack. Sun Wukong of course reverts to his original form and blocks the attack before pulling off his vanishing in a flash of light trick. But not before mocking Redson for being a bad son and attacking his own father though of course.

Anyways Monkey is jazzed from his victory over Redboy and wastes no time in going to brag to Sandy about it. And while he hasn't rescued Tripitaka yet, he's feeling well enough about his victory to go fetch Guanyin himself now. So Monkey quick travels to Guanyin's place and has her secretaries announce his arrival. So Guanyin gets right to the point and asks what he's doing here, and Wukong also wastes no time in summarizing the current arc for her. Guanyin listens to the story calmly until he gets to the part where Redboy disguises himself as her in order to fool Pigsy, where in she throws her vase into the water in an apparent fit of rage. Which Monkey thinks is a shame and that she should have just given him the fancy vase instead of smashing it.

Turns out however, that the vase isn't smashed, since it quickly reappears on the back of a tortoise. Guanyin asks him to bring it to her, but it turns out he can't lift it. Monkey tries to defend himself saying he's wounded at the moment, but Guanyin just explains that the vase is currently filled with and oceans worth of water, and even Wukong isn't that strong. Unlike an unlicensed thunderstorm the water in the vase does have the power to put out the true fire of Samadhi, but unfortunately he can't pick it up to take it with him. And since Guanyin doesn't trust him to not try and hoodwink any of her attendants to steal the vase, she asks him to leave behind one of his belongings as insurance. Personally I find this slightly unfair since Guanyin is one of like three people Sun Wukong actually respects and is therefore unlikely to steal from her. It's a moot point anyways though since Sun Wukong doesn't really have anything of value that he can give her that he doesn't need. Of course he is more then willing to give her the gold fillet, if she wants to recite the loose fillet spell and take it though.

In the end however, Guanyin simply resolves to go with Wukong herself in order to save Tripitaka. So after a bit of cute 'after you, no, no, I insist after you' banter, the two head out on her lotus platform. On their way she has Moksa borrow the Swords of Constellations from his father, which she then uses to transform into the lotus platform. Once they arrive at the demon mountain, Guanyin summons all the local gods and tells them to evacuate the mountain. Once they are done with that, Guanyin pours out the vase, resulting in an ocean of water leaving Guanyin quite at home in a place that now reflects the appearance of the south sea. Monkey also comments that Guanyin is rather merciful, since if he was the one with that power he would have just drowned the whole mountain without a care.

Guanyin has Monkey giver her his hand so she can write the word 'delusion' on his palm. She then tells him to pick another fight with Redboy and lure him back to her. So Monkey does what Monkey does best, and breaks down the demon's front door and uses his taunting ability to draw in some agro. So Monkey fights him for a while, and with the help of Guanyin's power of 'delusion', he successfully lures him to where Guanyin is waiting, and dives into her divine aura. Redboy yells at her, asking if she's supposed to be Monkeys reinforcement or something, but she doesn't reply. And when Redboy tries attacking her, she simply vanishes.

Guanyin and Wukong watch from above as Redboy decides that he must have defeated Guanyin and decides to take her fancy lotus platform as his prize. As soon as he takes a seat however, Guanyin reverts it back to it's true form: a bunch of pointy swords. When the demon tries to pull out the swords, Guanyin has them hook into him so they can't be pulled out. Once the demon starts crying and begging for mercy, Guanyin once again reveals herself and asks if he will become one of her disciples. The demon of course agrees, but since Guanyin didn't specify 'no take backs', Redboy tries to attack Guanyin as soon as she removes the swords.

Wukong of course moves to defend her, however there is no need. Guanyin pulls out the final gold fillet entrusted to her by Bhudda, she throws it at Redboy and it transforms into five fillets that encircle his head, hands and feet. Once they are on the demon, Guanyin recites a similar yet different spell from Wukong's, in order to subdue the demon. And with that we have reached the end of yet another chapter.

Current Sun Wukong Stats: Names/Titles: Monkey, The Stone Monkey, The Handsome Monkey King, Sun Wukong (Monkey awakened to the void), Bimawen (Banhorseplague), The Great Sage Equal To Heaven and Pilgrim Sun. Immortality: 5 + 94,000 years. Weapon: The Compliant Golden Hooped Rod Abilities: 72 Transformations, Cloud-Somersault, Ability to transform his individual hairs, super strength, Ability to Summon Wind, Water restriction charm, and the ability to change into a huge war form, ability to duplicate his staff, ability to immobilize others, the ability to put others to sleep, and the Fiery eyes and Diamond Pupils, intimidating horses, churning large bodies of water, sleeplessness, seizing the wind, enhanced smell, discerning good and evil within a thousand miles, Spirit Summoning, lock picking, object transformation, distance reduction and vanishing in a flash of light. Demon Kill Count: 9+ Unknown Number of Minions Human Kill Count: 1006 God's Defeated: 22 + Unknown number Defeats: 5 Crime List: Robbery, Murder, Mass Murder, Arson, Theft, Coercion, Threatening a Government Official, Resisting Arrest, Assault, Forgery, Employee Theft, False Imprisonment, Impersonating a Government Official, Treason, attempted murder, failure to control or report a dangerous fire, desecrating a corpse, breaking and entering, trespassing, violating Tree Law, looting corpses, trading counterfeit goods, criminal threat and animal abuse. Cry Count: 7 + 2 fake cries Mountains Trapped Under: 4

Current Tang Sanzang stats: Names/Titles: River Float, Xuanzang, Tang Sanzang, Tripitaka Abilities: Curing Blindness, making branches point a certain direction (allegedly), reciting sutras, pretty privilege, memorization and Heart Sutra. Cry Count: 20 Tight Fillet Spell Uses: 31 Paralyzed by fear: 5 Bandit Problems: 2 Kidnapped by demons: 5 Falling Off Horses: 8

Current Bai Long Ma Stats: Names/Titles: Bai Long Ma (White Dragon Horse), Prince of the Western Ocean, and third prince jade dragon of the dragon king Aorun Abilities: Transforming into a human, a water snake, and a horse, eating a horse in one bite, flight, Magic of Water Restriction, Singing, and Sword Dancing. Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Arson, and Grave Disobedience. Contributions to the plot: 2

Current Zhu Wuneng Stats: Names/Titles: The Marshal of the Heavenly Reeds, Zhu Wuneng (Pig who is aware of ability), Zhu Ganglie, Pigsy, Idiot and Eight Rules. Weapon: Rake Abilities: 36 Transformations, parting water, fighting underwater, cloud soaring, size enhancement and CPR Demon Kill Count/Kill steals: 2 Kidnapped by Demons: 2 Human Kill Count: 1 Failed Flirtation/romances Attempts: 3 Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Sexual Harassment, Murder, Kidnapping, arson and defamation.

Current Sha Wujing Stats: Names/Titles: The Curtain-Raising General, Sha Wujing (Sand Aware of Purity), Sandy and Sha Monk Weapon: Monster Taming Staff Abilities: Fighting underwater and Cloud soaring. Demon Kill Count: Unknown number of minions. Kidnapped by Demons: 2 Human Kill Count: 1 Crime List: Breaking a Crystal Cup, murder, and desecration of a human corpse.

Previous - Masterpost - Next

#journey to the west #jttw read through #jttw #journeythroughjourneytothewest #sun wukong #tang sanzang #zhu wuneng #sha wujing #guanyin #If I was tracking Guanyin's stats #I would definitely make 'Demon's acquired' as one of them.#since she's collecting demon servants like they are Pokemon

28 notes · View notes

lazyscience · 11 days ago

Text

DCC Challenge, Day 13

Time To Floor Collapse: 17 days, 2.5 hours (give or take)

Time for the recap episode!

Crawler @quartzandsundry

New Achievement! Sugah Sugah!

Ah, the lure of blood. Is it the sweet, sweet illusion of helplessness that makes the mobs go crazy for you, crawler, or is it the desire to claim the honors of taking down such an efficient killer? Either way, you sure look like the world's biggest cupcake to those mobs, and you're making it work for you.

(is a giant cupcake still a cupcake, or is it a cake?)

Reward: A silver Riverdale box! Inside, The Serpent Crown, which grants its wearer one Teleport per day, and three opportunities to look "through" a closed door or portal and see what is on the other side. Also contains a sack of burgers in a greasy paper bag branded "Pop's Malt Shop."

Crawler @kathrynalexao3:

New Achievement! These Boots Were Made For Walkin'!

That has to be some kind of - you know what? Fuck recordkeeping, I declare that you did, indeed, set Some Kind of Record for how many steps in a crawler's day. You were busy! Some of it on difficult terrain, and a not-inconsiderable portion it on, across or against mobs!

I love that for you--no, for US. I love that for us. But could you maybe, just maybe, try it barefoot next time? Just for kicks, ha ha, I made a funny!

Reward: A gold I'm Your Huckleberry Box! Inside, a box of Targeting Hollowpoint Ammo for a pistol or revolver-style weapon, with a guided function guaranteed to keep it from missing targets even in cover or in motion! (This is why it's only for small magazine weapons, where's the fun and excitement otherwise?) Also included a marked deck of Earth playing cards, two 100,000 chips for the Desperado Club casino, and a hit of Glory Bound.

Crawler @king-ofconfusion:

New Achievement! Heavens No, Hell Yeah!

Welcome, Crawler, to the Desperado Club. Where telling god fetishists to fuck off is not only tolerated, shit, it's pretty much mandatory! Where the only person's wishes that matter are yours, and the only things that are forbidden are the ones you can't afford.

Funny how many more people actually meet friends here than Club Vanquisher. And you know, actually have fun and do silly shit instead of eternally self-flagellating in the hopes that their vindictive deities will smash someone else beneath their mighty feet.

pfff, I kid, that'd be fun, and fun is Not Allowed there.

Reward: A gold Church and Destroy box! Included, a ring of Opposite Day with five charges (spells cast on the wearer rebound on the caster), a tome of Black Nimbus (removes worshippers from any connection to their deity and associated buffs/resistances, can trigger a Smite from their deity) , and a bonus tome of Skedaddle! so you can bail before the pitchforks and torches.

Crawler @oreniaa:

New Achievement! Frock You Like A Hurricane!

You want me to leave the zuchetta on? Well, meeee-row! Red is a GREAT color, being as it symbolizes willingness to shed blood...for the faith! yeah, that's it, for the faith. Not at all for the Aesthetic (cough) Anyway! for your groundbreaking work in blasphemy, have a reward!

Reward: A silver Apostate box! Inside, an enchanted Stick-N-Poke Prison Tattoo Kit, three scrolls of Eye in the Sky, and an enchanted Nipple Ring of the Defiler! +5 to Charisma, +10% chance to activate aggro in any clerical class who sees it and hates bodily autonomy.

Crawler @cairfrey :

New Achievement! Where Do You Go?

And like a bad 90s club anthem, your mobs are left deprived, disappointed...empty. Until you hear their careless whispers and STAB STAB STAB - oops. I am mixing genres, decades, realit--nope! Nope! Not losing it at all over here, nope! Except maybe to these sick beats! See you on the dancefloor at the Desperado, fellow kids!

Reward: A silver No Mercy box! Inside, an enchanted Belly Chain of +20% to Charisma! Upgradable with charms; currently equipped with a ruby charm of All Eyes On Me.

Crawler @deathdovesong

New Achievement! "What Up? I Got a Big--"

It do be a known fact that you have eyes for a large EDGED WEAPON, what did you perverts think I meant? I mean, that is why you watch the Adherents to An Ancient Forgotten Religion practice so often with their shirts off, so you can get a REALLY good look at what the exact muscle motion is, right?

Dedication, thy name is deathdovesong.

Reward: a silver Big Swingin' Sword box! Included a Helm of Resistance, adding +10% to your resistance against fire, ice and poison-based attacks! And to go with it, a Vorpal Sword of Stabbing! +10 to your strength, and unlike those other things, DOESN'T light up so mobs can see you from a mile away! (I mean, unless you're into that. Let me know, that could be cool, or you know, hilariously awful, kind of the same thing? For me, anyway.

Crawler @clearbrightlight

New Achievement! WEEEEEEIRD SCIENCE!

Crawler. Crawler, do you know how close you came to atomizing a quarter of the FLOOR with that shit you just came up with? Even WITH your Sapper's Table? Not gonna lie, that even made ME a little tingly. Good tingly? Bad tingly? It's all sensations! They're all equally horrigood? Terrigreat? I DON' T KNOW.

but ooh. SHINY. It's like the love child of a Hoblobber Rave Started and a suitcase nuke!

Reward: Is being alive and still in possession of all your limbs and fingers not enough for you? I kid, I kid! Here, have a Legendary Push It Real Good box! 10 Proximity triggers, 10 Impact triggers, and a box of alchemy supplies to see if you can successfully aliquot that thing into reasonable-sized servings of bizarrely pretty and sparkly destruction. I'm counting on you! And if not, it'll still make for an AMAZING recap episode!

Crawler @lazyscience:

New Achievement: It's Tricky!

Crawler, not gonna lie here, you could be doing better on the doomscrolling front. But congratulations on landing a good solid kick in the face to the PAT boss which is now hopefully well and truly down, a good hard knee to the groin of Mr. Jones boss, and just when you thought you had a minute before U Can't Touch This turns up - BAM IT'S WELLS FARGO WITH A FOLDING CHAIR!

But you put your Big Crawler pants on, sent some emails, made some calls, it's not great but it's survivable!

Reward: Amnesty on the Would You Do Something About The Kitchen quest for another day. And Thai basil red curry rice from doordash.

ATTENTION, all partied crawlers! Don't forget to update me on mobs, quests, or parties (defined at link) so I can award you achievements! Please let me know either in the replies to this post, reblogging with additions, or hit my askbox/DMs!

(please, do this, even with small and silly mobs/quests, it makes giving achievements so much easier!)

#dcc challenge 2025 #recap episode lucky 13!#pump up the jam

8 notes · View notes

kurisus · 3 days ago

Text

Link Click Bridon Arc: Thoughts

I'm back to make yet another compilation of my unhinged ramblings from this miniseason. Spoilers for all episodes under the cut.

So we're 3 for 3 on crazy shit happening around Lu Guang on each season finale, huh? First he gets stabbed, then the longest-running fan theory about him is proven true, then he does something nobody saw coming and nobody can figure out.

Like, seriously, when I saw LG threatening Vein in the PV after episode 5, I was scared he was going to make things worse for himself, but turns out it was a threat he followed through on.

Much like everyone else, I'm clueless on what exactly he did (I did watch/read the interview clips where the director elaborated on it a little, but those didn't explain much since it's going to be covered in season 3), but I do have a few observations from revisiting the episode.

Shao Yuanyuan was about to tell Cheng Xiaoshi something else ("One more thing") before Vein interrupted them, and I suspect it was something to do with that eye symbol that keeps popping up (in the Xia Fei PV and on the notebook Wang Qing keeps in her office).

The notebook was what Vein was after, and WQ disappeared with it. She must have grabbed it and skedaddled, since I was under the impression LG and the police arrived very quickly.

What was in the notebook? I have a feeling it has something to do with whatever the hell was on Liu Min's phone that everyone in season 2 was fighting to get their hands on. Something to do with powers, or the true cause of the fire...

SYY is trying to prevent Cheng Weimin's death, and urges CXS not to return to the fire to prevent interference. However, he already was there, and changed the course of events slightly. She also seems to realize at the end that she's not the only one fucking around with the timeline, making things yet more unpredictable. Her existing interference could also be why LG felt things changing slightly in Bridon despite trying to replicate the original events as closely as possible to reach his end goal of killing Vein.

The cause of death on Vein is...odd, and I wonder if it was falsified or something, since it wasn't like his body was sent to burial or cremation. If anyone, he has the power to falsify records. Liu Xiao went to fetch him in what appears to be a morgue, and that's as far as we can tell.

Does LX's power of hearing heartbeats extend to being able to manipulate heartbeats? Did he revive Vein, or is WQ's ability the one to create a fake death, and thus he was aware there was a time at which the subject returns to life?

The only thing that's bugging me about this was the director waffling on whether LG really knew Vein was dead (eventually saying "no"), when he appeared to work together with WQ to bring him down. If he just wanted to stall Vein to give WQ time to escape, he would have known he wouldn't actually be dead.

And what was up with LX telling XF "If you knew each other's secrets, would you still be friends?" What secrets does XF have, apart from being a student at Bahati? Why did everyone they asked about CWM look horrified at the mention of his name? I think it's obvious he started the fire, but there's gotta be something else that's being kept from us about him.

They also never explained how Vein seemed to know the boys were coming (the post-credits scene of him reading the texts about the flight info). Via LX? How did he know?

Anyway, on to the analogy of the last episode. I feel like this part, and the beginning of the therapy session, was really WQ talking to CXS, but as soon as she took that photo on her phone, it switched to SYY.

So the story goes, the animals can't figure out who started the fire and pay a detective to do it. The fire is pretty clearly the Bahati incident (because it is a literal fire), but it's also an overall analogy for CXS and LG sticking their noses in where they shouldn't. They, as the detectives, are hired to figure out who started the metaphorical fire, and I suppose the animals in this case are their clients?

To make this a proper mystery, though, it's missing motive from each of the animals and the detective. What could they gain by burning their home down? What conflicts existed between them that could have escalated to this? Honestly I don't blame CXS for giving the glib "No one started the fire" answer, since I was thinking the same thing. There's a theory LG said a different answer, and that's why it wasn't stated to the audience, so I wonder if that will come back into play later.

Speaking of, there are a lot of things that keep building up that haven't been fully explained, and I wanted to briefly recap my season 2 retrospective since I have a few questions that have been answered since then.

CXS inherited his powers from his mother, and gave them to LG when he died, so presumably LG still has both sets of powers (this was also stated on his character sheet for this arc), unless CXS's faded afer he stayed in the photo for 12 hours. This, therefore, means Qiao Ling has Li Tianxi's powers, and LTX is confirmed to have died.

Her death was something I opposed last time due to not being shown a body, BUT considering this show's genre, it's highly likely her brother will focus on using it to try to bring her back to life, rather than change the course of events with his mother like before. However, since multiple timelines aren't a thing here, I wonder how he will go about it. Either way, we haven't seen the last of her.

Last time I also wondered if Li Tianchen would get a redemption arc or get worse, and I want to think with the introduction of Vein (and possibly XF) as a villain, his sister's power going to QL (one of the good guys), and him generally being manipulated by far worse people, he's going to get better. At the same time, though, he's known LX for a long time, and seems to trust him completely. It's going to take a lot to disillusion him from his childhood friend.

Anyway, another thing I wondered in my retrospective was how many times LG has rewound time, saying my gut feeling was that this was his first. Bridon itself was definitely his first time re-experiencing it, since he kept comparing stuff to "last time" instead of "previous times" and was generally surprised by changes happening.

However, while I'm less inclined to think that now due to inconsistencies with season 1 compared to Bridon (CXS having no clue about his parents, CXS not knowing what would happen if he dove without LG), the events of episode 6 seem to lead directly into season 3.

On the other other hand, there's also the matter of the inconsistencies in the photo studio fight in episode 1 of Bridon, as well as the time lag of about 1 hour from CXS getting shot to LG diving back to the basketball game (I was right about the dive point being the basketball game, heh). There were a lot of animation errors and inconsistencies in this miniseason, which I'll get to, but the issue of the blood streaks suddenly appearing across the floor, and the fact that "Vein" left even though LG, his presumed target, was trapped in a locked room, leads me to think there was more going on. There was also LG going from being uninjured to quite badly injured in that time. (Yes, I've read the "Vein in episode 1 was actually XF" theory, and I don't fully subscribe to it but I do think it's an interesting choice to make XF left-handed in his PV and show Vein shooting a gun with his left hand.)

We also still don't know why this is the "last chance" for LG as opposed to the "only chance." Was that a bad translation? Did he have multiple photos from the game? Did he experience Bridon multiple times, and kill Vein multiple times? It seems weird he'd request a do-over after successfully (he thinks) pulling that off.

In any case, creating an unchangeable death node before another death node to alter the course of events leading to it answers my question about why LG thought "better me than him" when he got stabbed. He thought that might further change the course of events to prevent CXS's death, and was fine with it if that was the case. Plus since this is his last chance, if this doesn't work, nothing will.

I also wondered about LX's powers last time, and we got confirmation he can hear heartbeats, but I doubt that's his only power. I think he stole the power of that guy he played Russian Roulette with in episode 2, since what else was the purpose of that scene except to show us there's a guy with the ability to see various outcomes? He was arrested, not killed, so perhaps LX was just keeping him safe to murder him and take his power later, but I fully believe he has it by the end of season 2. Who else has he been taking powers from?

On a different note, the visual inconsistencies went crazy this season. There was the two frames of CXS having yellow eyes in the first episode that everyone said was evidence that the boys are in an endless loop of diving back to save each other before it was confirmed to be a mistake. I don't necessarily hate the theory on its own, but it was kind of funny to see people going feral over what seemed to me to be an obvious mistake.

There was also the matter of XF's disappearing rug with the eye pattern on it, the book in episode 1 switching between paperback and hardcover, the photo of the trio shattering in a different way, there suddenly being streaks of blood across the floor into the darkroom (though the jury's still out on whether that was intentional, like I explained above. Seems to me like a big detail to overlook). There are also smaller clothing errors. When rewatching episode 6, I was amused by how Vein's sleeves/gloves are drawn differently in every single shot, sometimes disappearing altogether.

I was attributing these errors to the co-director Yuanyuan Lu being young and inexperienced with directing a whole 6-episode miniseason, but there was also the recent news this was supposed to release later in 2025 but was pushed up to winter 2024.

Undoubtedly this was due to the show suddenly increasing in popularity throughout/at the end of season 2, but I'm bummed about it. I'm willing to wait to not have animators overworked, and I hope season 3 doesn't follow the same pattern of being rushed through production to meet demand. Let them cook!!!! They've got something interesting!!!!!!

I saw people complaining about the season being released with 6 episodes instead of 8 like they originally said, but I'm personally fine with the longer first episode since I know those same people would have been complaining about it taking half a season to get to Bridon in the arc named Bridon...ahem. The pacing was kind of weird in the first episode, but the rest were fine, so I do think it was just due to splicing 3 shorter episodes together.

Final thoughts: this miniseason left us with still more unanswered questions, and I hope that in season 3 they start answering them instead of letting them pile on each other without going back. An effective mystery/thriller has a point at which everything clicks into place, and I feel like there's no way they can have one single moment like that without it feeling cheap, so I'm going to resign myself to not having everything addressed. Just as long as they wrap enough stuff up neatly, though, I'll be satisfied.

That's really my only concern. I enjoyed the hell out of this season, short as it was. It was totally unpredictable in a great way, and I generally found it very charming to watch as opposed to season 1 constantly making me cry and season 2 stressing me out every week.

Will season 3 be the last one? Considering it's 24 episodes and the way the plot is moving, it seems like it. However, nothing's been confirmed yet, so I guess it depends on the demand and the studio's production schedule. While I want to see it next year, I don't mind waiting longer if that means everyone isn't rushing to meet deadlines!!!! Please let them cook!!!!!! I'm just one guy but I'm yelling Very Loudly in the hopes that they can hear me.

If yall think I'm bad now...imagine how frazzled I'm going to be after six straight months of Link Click Thursdays, oh lord.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading, and see ya next time!

#Link Click #shiguang daili ren #时光代理人 #sorry about the novel but if you'll believe it it's shorter than last time #live update #this show makes my brain go brrrrrrrr

13 notes · View notes