#[Doggone Mad]

[lizzie2dyefor]

Lizzie has been many things before being The Lady of Chromia. That's not exactly a secret, she’s willing to tell tales of adventures long past to whoever asks. Grandiose, thrilling stories with only a little bit of embellishment.

People know why her eyes look like that. They know what that scar along her bicep is from. They know she has some connection to the Sheriff.

This is all to say, there are some stories she keeps to herself.

It's not like she’s the only emperor with secrets!

Everyone has things they’re not ready or otherwise unwilling to face. To present to the world. Hell, her closest allies are two of the most secretive people she's ever met.

Lizzie looks over to the dog laid in front of the hearth, tail sweeping lazily across the floor.

Secrets.

Yah, she has a few.

“Ren?”

Ren, head of security and fully a dog, doesn’t look up at her. His ear twitches, swiveling towards the sound of her voice.

“You can feel it right?”

He woofs under his breath.

“Yah. I know.” A sigh, “We can't just not see what she wants.”

Ren sits up and shakes. Stretching slowly before padding over to her. Lizzie throws her coat over her night clothes.

The bone deep hook connecting the two of them to Her pulls just a little tighter. Her form of a beckoning call.

Together, they make their way past the city limits and into the woods. Ancient trees tower over them like wooden sentinels. Given what, or rather who, they’re visiting, that comparison isn't too far off.

As has become their normal, Lizzie keeps up a steady flow of conversation as they weave through the forest.

“Remember that bard traveling around? She's got these giant dogs. Last I heard Sausage was watching them, maybe we should set up a playdate?”

Ren barks in protest.

“Oh don't be so jealous, you’re always.” Lizzie laughs, “You’ll always be top dog.”

If he could, she’s certain he would laugh.

Instead, they cross the unseen barrier between Here and enter There. She watches the luminescent shackle appear around Ren’s neck. Feels as her own mark begins to warm painfully against her collarbone.

“Always hate that part.” She comments idley, Ren barks his agreement.

Back in Chromia, winter is in full swing, but Here is not There. Around them the forest sings with life, almost painfully green.

The creatures Here give them a wide berth, going out of their way to avoid the path they follow. Lizzie and Ren are undoubtedly Her’s.

“Ah! You’ve finally arrived! Wonderful, wonderful! Take a seat will you?”

Speak of the devil.

Sitting in a perfectly round clearing, is a woman wearing long flowing robes. Today She wears Lizzies face like an uncanny reflection. (She prefers Lizzies face, usually) Her shimmering wings buzz and flitter just outside of what Lizzie can see. She smiles with far too many teeth.

Lizzie and Ren bow, taking their seats across from Her.

“Shadow Lady, to what do we owe the honor?”

[romanromulus]

just made a very common mistake. fell in love with my main characters

[transfemininomenon]

i went to mad at you island and sooo many people were there. yeah they were PISSED. i think they were forming an angry mob. i saw some pitchforks and torches. yeah you really mad a lot of people angry. seems you're a real doggone son of a bitch

[calebwittebane]

ok finished the paulo chapter.... And Once Again ghetsis is the most entertaining bitch on that doggone island i literally went YIPPIII when i saw him and just a couple minutes later i see him laughing at a child like "oohhh omg your rockruff disappeared? you cant find your cute little doggy? well could it be perhaps that my kyurem KILLED your little doggy SO HARD that it ceased to exist. thats right i EXPLODED your puppy. your rockruff is NO MORE. i VAPORIZED your dog. i UNDID your dogs existence. it was so tiny and sweet and it loved you so much and i ERASED it from this world just destroyed it FOREVER. there is NOTHING left. what are you gonna do. cry? piss your pants? throw a punch? i'll vaporize you too but before that i'll find every little boy in this world every little boy like you and vaporize their cute little puppies too. because you made me mad. thats right itll be Your Fault." like im crying he just never misses he has never let me down ever

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 230

So, I have been reliably informed by @mike-ks-66502-blog that “The Miys” has broken containment: they found my story through FB!??? What the... for realsies? (Also, will respond to your ask soon, just kind of processing that information)

Thankfully it was a screenshot someone shared with Noah hilariously mis-translating Terran slang.

Highly distinguished new readers this week also include @111angel3, who not only took on the speedrun of the story, but commented on doggone near every single chapter; along with @krashingallalong, who last I checked was on chapter 216 and still going. Yes, Krash, I do read my comments ;) I’ll get that link fixed.

New readers this week are: @niavirrivain, @miniaturehumanman, @janelss, @earth-man-head, @barn-in-the-desert. Hey y’all!

Thanks, as always, go to @baelpenrose for beta reading and helping me get through the sticky spots.  Additional extra special thanks to whichever mad people are recommending my story out there. Y’all are awesome, I seriously hope you know that.

The mood on Level One was tense for what felt like a severely unsustainable length.  Everyone had fallen back on short answers to avoid interruption, and any mundane question only rated a curt nod at best. My shoulders hurt, I couldn’t sleep, and I was reasonably certain that Noah was sneaking a disgusting amount of stimulants into Tyche’s water, given how long she had been standing.  I even caught myself, while confirming Parvati’s dispatches and food requests, grousing mentally about the rules of movies and the need for something to break at some point.

Given the current environment, I was pretty sure it would be my teeth before anything else.

Thirty plus hours of clenching my teeth ended up being the only thing to prevent me from spitting out something when an irritatingly soothing chime came over the comms. “All Ark personnel, this is Odvub in secure communication. Please be aware that the Eko-mari fleet have found a decisive way to locate the pirate fleet.  Ix’al, Brol, and all ship captains have been advised and are preparing for evasive maneuvers. The Ark is expected to sustain cosmetic fire. Please respond as though it is damaging. Sensor logs will confirm.”

Those who had not been present in the Council chamber when Odvub had been revealed - thankfully limited to three adjuncts - fell to the deck in confusion.  Evan and Maverick immediately sprang from their seats and started shaking out their limbs, while Tyche tapped on Arthur’s shoulder without a word.

After an exchange of nodding and shaking heads, Arthur heaved a sigh and took her position. “Strategist Arthur Farro taking over for Navigator Tyche Reid.”

“I can’t be distracted,” she called out before chugging an odd looking sludge that Maverick handed her. “I navigate, Arthur updates.”

Anxiety clenched my stomach as I dashed over to her. “When is the last time you slept? Are you on top of your game?”

She nodded before swallowing the last of the… whatever. “I don’t know what Noah is putting in this, but Antoine mentioned something about a lactic acid counteragent, hyper oxygenated something, and some other things that sounded very anti-fatigue rather than pro-energy.”

“Is this safe?!” I demanded, as quietly as possible.

Noah sent a targeted response to us. “It is safe up to ninety-eight Terran hours, at which point Tyche will need half that duration in full sleep.”

“Translation - “ she started.

“If you need it beyond the safe point, we’re either dead or you’ve crashed,” I interrupted. “Don’t correct me, I don’t want to hear any other possibility. We have other people who can navigate.”

Tyche rocked her head side to side. “With any luck we won’t - “

The entire ship rocked to one side, throwing us both painfully against a table and cutting off whatever she was going to say. Maverick and Evan were the first to move, clawing against the near-vertical plane to get back to their stations.

Noah’s voice buzzed angrily over the comms. “Eko-mari fleet! We have stayed course as requested, despite debris! Advise!”

“Eko-mari Command to Hujylsogox vessel Yjq. Stay your course. Unexpected debris struck your vessel, and we are taking guard to avoid any future collisions.”

Odvub’s soft chime followed. “That was a warning shot from the pirate fleet. The Eko-mari sustain a falsehood.”

Even though I hadn’t thought it possible, the mood on Level One sombered even further. Maverick and Evan strapped into their seats before the Ark was even close to leveled out, while Arthur simply crawled beneath the closest table, bracing himself between the seats with his legs and back. Tyche yanked off her boots and managed to get to the piloting position just long enough to peel off her leggings and use them to tie herself physically to Mav and Evan’s seats.

Everyone else followed their lead, bracing or securing ourselves to the nearest object protruding from the deck.

After what felt like the longest ninety seconds of my life, Maverick shouted. “Conor! I need you in the engine room now! I trust Noah with my entire existence, but for what we are about to do I need an engineer and some instinct.”

“Derek and Sam are secure, along with Nixe and Coffey,” came the response. “Teeth is in a suspension life-pod.”

“Life pod!?” Charly shouted before Maverick signalled her as patch in, letting her repeat her request.

Noah and Grey responded at the same time, before Noah stopped and allowed Grey to restart. “Suspension life-pods are reserved for high-priority survivors. Assuming either the pirates or Miys survives the conflict, Teeth will be safe.  If neither survive, they will be suspended indefinitely, until a being salvages and opens the pod.”

Groggy as it was, Nixe’s voice followed with enough to command to make it clear who was speaking. “I have already asked Ix’al, one Queen to another, that if our heir falls into enemy hands, death would be preferred.”

“What!?” Charly demanded.

“If the pod is recovered within sixty Terran hours, it will not open for any hands but Terran, Glux, Shalt-kri’i, or So’k’nor. Not even for Hujylsogox - Our apologies, Noah.”

“No offense taken, Nixe.”

“After sixty hours,” Nixe continued, “only Terran hands can open the pod.”

A brief pause of horrified silence, and Odvub clarified what we all wanted to ask but could not bring ourselves to. “If the Ark is destroyed, the pod will be fired in the direction of the anticipated colony on Von. If there are no Terran survivors, only the pirate fleet or their allies can open the pod and account to Teeth what has happened.  Lacking that, the pod will either drift into a star or need to be taken to Earth to be opened.”

Xiomara started to object. “I - “

“Seal it,” Charly cut off wetly. “Seal the pod, along with any others. Nixe, if Coffey is not willing to go with Teeth, and if you aren’t, ask Jordan to. Everyone else is here.”

“Charly - “

“No, Xiomara.” Charly hiccuped, took a deep breath, and kept going. “I don’t care who on this vessel was a child soldier. Teeth is not. And we are better than that. Teeth, the genetic data, the Archive, all of it - I motion they follow the path Nixe outlined.”

With a tone of despair, Xiomara called the vote.

It was unanimous.

We didn’t even have time to grieve before Odvub chimed through. “Incoming shot from pirate vessel, targeting starboard.”

All we could do was brace before the impact rocked the ship sideways again. “Damage report!” Huynh demanded.

Arthur’s hands flew under the table across from mine. “Damage limited to Level Twelve, BioLab Two.”

“Sterile silicate and water,” Maverick shouted. “All available on Von, great shot. Conor! Where are you!”

Panting filled the comms. “I would be there faster if you could drive better, love.”

“You aren’t dead yet,” Mav bitched back. “Confirm when you reach the engines, I’ll patch Huynh and Charly through.”

“Don’t patch me through,” Huynh responded. “I’m not a rocket scientist.”

“Boss, we need to confirm the ship can take whatever he’s trying to do,” Conor panted. “At the door, entering now.”

In the corner of my eye, I saw Charly throw an invisible ball angrily at her mentor. “Ship schematics and stress points. Pull it up, watch for hot spots.”

Huynh glanced at Xiomara, who was ostensibly in charge since this was combat.

She surged forward from the waist, like she was trying to bite something. “You heard the woman! Pull it up, watch for hot spots.”

Huynh appeared mollified, spreading his hands to open the map.

“Xale!” Maverick shouted. “I need you to hit the fore of the Ark. Target to glance the bow, no confirmation needed. All hands, brace for impact!”

Yet again, someone seemed to ask Xiomara’s approval, even though I couldn’t see who. “Fucking hell, you heard the man, just do it! Stop asking for confirmation!”

The Ark surged in yet another direction, this time shoving my hip against the strut of a seat. Bruised is alive, I reminded myself as I tested my joints. Everything hurt, nothing broken.

As soon as that assessment registered, I was thrust to the opposite side, earning a matching bruise.

“Hujylsogox vessel Yjq!” screamed over the comms. “What are you doing!?”

“Weapons fire struck the fore of the Ark,” Noah responded. “Accelerating to leave plane of combat, per protocol.”

“Cease acceleration. No enemy fire has been detected!”

I didn’t even need Odvub to confirm that the Eko-mari were lying out of whatever they had that functioned as an ass.

“Regardless, protocol establishes to leave debris field or accelerate beyond plane of combat,” Noah insisted.

“You will cease acceleration at once!”

Noah didn’t respond, but Maverick did, without hesitation.

“Nope, not happening. Conor, tell me if she red lines.”

“Will do.”

“Noah! If I accelerate and dodge using only maneuvering thrusters, can you alert me to the last moment that the Ark can reach Von and decelerate using planetary gravity?”

“You will need to modify trajectory.”

“That’s a yes, I love it,” Maverick huffed. “All hands! This is your pilot speaking, brace for evasive maneuvers in any direction. That means ‘strap yourself down as best you can, or get the shit beat out of you’.  Shipwide gravity spin will be stood down over the next… thirty minutes. You will get dizzy, light headed, and congested. Anyone with heart conditions, please see your nearest med bay as carefully as possible to be put into suspension.”

Xiomara cut in on the end of Maverick’s communication. “And don’t even fucking bother asking me or Grey for confirmation. You heard him, do it, we’re busy. If we don’t think it’s enough, we’ll let you know.”

“Agreed,” Grey ground out, eyes screwed tight and limbs tense to brace for sudden motion. “And if you are prone to regurgitation under extreme motion, please put on a bivouac suit. It will capture and filter, the rest of us thank you.”

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[ohnotheybombadidnt]

WELL. THEY DID THE DOGGONE THING.

Met Rings of Power's Tom Bombadil. I wrote a blog post, so needless to say, I ain't happy.

As a reminder, Tom Bombadil has been called, "...one of the most enigmatic characters in J. R. R. Tolkien's novel." He was there. They raised a couple of questions. He was a weirdo in the woods. Not my charming Tom. Anyway. Let's dive in, shall we?

I am trying not to be big mad but I am all-around displeased with this representation of one of my absolute favorite characters in all of literature.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to make a live action version of Tom palatable for me.

I came to this weird realization that if they were going to interpret him in this medium and give him this vibe that I wanted so badly to like because IT'S TOM, I could have possibly accepted Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny (actor Trevor K. Wilson) and probably actually had a DRAMATICALLY SHORTER LIST of things to grumble at.

But instead, we got this presumably nice man, Rory Kinnear, a Shakespearean actor. To look him up he is very clean-shaven, in several James Bond films, and honestly, that's it. Nobody knew what to do with this character. Same dude below on either side. Nothing in that face says ENIGMATIC and UNFORGETTABLE TO THE SEASON to me. He must have come cheap. That's the only thing that makes sense.

The dialogue they gave him was so lackluster too. His singing has no wow factor. He's barely mumbling tunes under his breath. Just. Ugh. Do they not want people to fall in love with him because he's a momentary side character and then poof, he's gone? In the trilogy, he is featured in book one a few times. During one of these reunions, the hobbits meet Tom and take off all their clothes and run around in Tom's field, chasing each other and just guys being dudes. Just dudes being guys. Nothing weird happens. I know Gandalf had ties to the Hobbits, particularly the Bagginses, but TOM WAS RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME. I know he didn't volunteer or want to get involved, but this dude's powerset is unreal. HERE'S HIS WHOLE SCHTICK:

1. He's older than dirt but still a pretty sprightly fellow. Always singing and doing his thing, dancing, hanging out with his hot wife (which I think they're implying is some kind of sentient water being or something weird in the show?), living in his awesome house on this beautiful piece of property that's all his. He's doing pretty gosh darn well for himself. But let's just call him old, excuse me, "The Eldest," and leave it at that, Rings of Power.

2. Oh, he's immortal. Nbd.

3. "Master of wood, water, and hill." I'm just going to take this metaphorically since it was spoken by Goldberry, River Daughter. Tommy B is the OG Clarence Carter. But real talk. Bro lives in a forest. He's around all those things that he has mastery over and he can weaponize it at will? Sweet power, but I don't buy that THAT GUY we just met can do it. I want to, but I just don't feel it. Now Galadriel during that one battle this episode- HOT DAMN! Slay while you slay, girl!

4.  "He is impossible to capture or imprison." WHY ISN'T THIS GUY DOING SO MUCH MORE?! Why WOULDN'T we want a Houdini?!

5. Ordinarily described as whimsical/nonsensical, but he could be serious if the need arose.

6. THE RING HAD NO POWER OVER TOM. But Tom was just a guy who sets things down and then immediately forgets where he left them, like most of us. Gandalf recognized his "organized chaos" and recognized that TB didn't have as much order as he thought he did, had a 99% chance losing the ring, and our favorite wizard went Shire-bound. Not what I would have done, but whatever, Gandalf, go off.

7. Tom's greatest revealed power was in his singing. With song he exercised authority over Old Man Willow and the supernatural Barrow-wights. He did it LIKE IT WAS NOTHING. What are the true extents of his powers? Who all could he take on and wipe the floor with? We'll never know. Because poor lil powerless Frodo got suckered into the task thanks to Bilbo and Gandalf. Tom could have been majestic.

Moving right along... what could have been: IMMEDIATELY WHEN ISILDUR SAYS HE WON'T DESTROY THE RING, ELROND NEEDS TO TELL GANDALF, GANDALF FLIES TO TOM, EAGLES ARE HAILED, RIDDEN TO MORDOR, DROPPED THE RING DOWN THE VOLCANO, AND WATCHED IT BURN. BOOM. CREDITS ROLL.

Okay. I admit that's a much less entertaining story, but don't give me a God-man like Tom and then not use him, then give me a gorgeous show like Rings of Power, put him in, and make him meh-looking and kinda mysterious but people who know about the lore and the endgame know he's not really going to do anything. They could have at least made him more, I don’t know, ENIGMATIC, cooler, and a little more magical. (Entwives and Barrow-wights were *chef's kiss.*)

Really miniscule and bland beginning for old Tom. Hopefully it improves. The one thing I liked: he raises goats. However, that is not enough, so still he remains, #notmytombom

[adleryoung]

"This here plan is gettin too dang convoluted!" Burnside protested, brandishing her machete. "Just send me out to stab somebody. It'll be simple. I can just go out, gut everyone who gets in my way, save the dumb baker femme that you ain't never even laid eyes on nor spoken to so it's a wonder you care about her at all, an drag Didelphis back here for judgement. I'll get it all done in one night. There ain't a lowfolk born that can get the drop on me. The Ixies can bet on it."

"I don't like it," I objected.

"If you're so doggone worried about bein' Seelie, just remember it ain't Unseelie to stab somebody if he deserves it."

"No stabbing!" I insisted.

"Fine, I can slash instead."

"That's a bad idea," I persisted, "for the same reason that nailing headless torsos to trees is a bad idea. It may inspire fear but it also draws attention and will cause mass outrage that will spread and bring all the lowfolk on this island right to these woods, with torches and pitchforks. If it turns out this situation requires assassination, and I really hope it doesn't, it would have to be done cleanly, precisely, and secretly so it cannot be traced back to me or my coven. I do not want my organization associated with sloppy and wasteful mass murder!"

"You sounded almost like Ash for a second there," Burnside grinned as she lowered her machete. "All right, I can wait."

I scowled at Burnside for a moment, then directed my attention to the witches.

"All right, all right," I called. "If everyone could please focus and answer my question: Is Didelphis worth saving?"

"Um, no way," Gretchen declared. "She's trying to get us all killed. She's proven herself to be a mean and selfish old hag that doesn't care about any of us. Throw her under the ant-coach, I say."

"She was a pretty crappy coven leader," Petunia added. "She promised us dark power beyond our wildest dreams, but every meeting we would spend a few minutes looking at the same grimoire, and the rest of the night listening to her rant about baking and how much she hated Oonagh. Letting her get burned by an angry mob is probably karma or something. Nothing of value would be lost."

"I don't really like the idea of anyone being killed," Chloe shrugged, "but saving her would only give her another chance to betray us again."

"I'm disappointed with all of you," Rebecca scowled. "Didelphis must be saved."

"What? Why?" the other witches asked in chorus.

"Didelphis represents what all of us could end up being," Rebecca explained. "Especially me. She was a social outcast who spent so much time wallowing in her darker aspects that she eventually believed that was all there was to her. Think about it! She's actually proud of the fact that she's a hideous, mad crone. If I hadn't met Lord Randall, that's exactly what I would have become. I was on that path, but now I'm on a different one and I can hardly wait to share with you what I've learned. If we all get a chance at a happier life, then Didelphis should too. I volunteer to pose as Didelphis like our lord said. I know her better than the rest of you, because I always arrived for coven meetings early, and stayed late to help her around the house and maybe get more pointers on being a witch. I think I can imitate her mannerisms convincingly enough."

That wasn't good. I didn't want to risk my organization's most valuable member (next to Vernier of course) but it would be a mistake to blurt that out in front of the other witches. Plus, I was 99 percent sure Rebecca was an elf, so telling untruths would be a problem for her. It could damage her emerging magickal ability.

I was just about to say something, when an Ixie buzzed up to me and gave a salute.

"Sire, I have more information. There is in fact a ring-leader whipping the rabbit mob into a frenzy. They call him Parson. As best we can tell, he careth not if Didelphis's story is true. He seemeth to be doing this merely to strengthen his influence in the rabbit village. We have also learned that there will be a jury for the trial. Oonagh is popular enough in the town, they were willing to give her that much. If the rest of the coven cannot be found in two days time, then the trial commenceth without them."

Pretty suspenseful, eh? This seems like a good place to pause. I need to take a short break to moisten my throat. In the meantime, why not be like the Ixies and place bets on the coming sequence of events. How do you think I handled this situation? Did Didelphis survive? Did Oonagh?

Discuss among yourselves while I hunt down a decent bottle of wine.

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Dr. Weisberg: Little boy. Sylvester Jr.: Yes sir. Dr. Weisberg: I want you to do something very important, alright? Sylvester Jr.: OK. Dr. Weisberg: I want you to run home and I want you to call the E.R. of Royal Oaks Glen Oaks Oakwood Oaks General Hospital, 932-1000. Tell them to set up OR6 immediately and contact anesthesiologist Isadore Turek 472-2112 beep 12. Have him send an ambulance with a paramedic crew, light IV, D5NW-KVO. You got it? Sylvester Jr.: E.R. North Bank General Hospital 932-1000. Setup OR6. Contact anesthesiologist Isadore Turek 472-2112 beep 12. Ambulance with paramedics and light IV, D5NW and KVO. Dr. Weisberg: That's good. Sylvester Jr.: Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me. Dr. Weisberg: Oh it does, does it? Well, it's not your job to diagnose! Sylvester Jr.: But I thought... Dr. Weisberg: You thought, you thought... just go! Three years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well you're still wet behind the ears. It's not subdural hematoma, it's epidural! Ha! Doggone that makes me mad!

[writer59january13]

Soul of skeptic writhes with agonizing torture (like a burning man) in Dante's Inferno

Self immolation as sacrificial bleating lamb promises eternal martyrdom awaiting voluntary die hard protester, where countless vestal virgins provide blissfulness (think Playboy mansion on steroids) synonymous with delightful grand view garden of Eden transmuting mortal flesh (clothed in lovely bones) into burnt offering mummifying and searing once robust sacred heart courtesy hungry, and angry forked flames.

Escape said hell on Earth I must, which hopefully convincingly explains the above nightmarish scenario awaking me from an otherwise pleasant siesta. Livingsocial here at Highland Manor sparks the matchless following hyperbole, whereby overactive imagination fosters grim statistics of suicide in general, and setting her/himself afire in particular, yes no matter the truism, we

(yours truly and the missus)

can attest to a roof

(recently reshingled) over our head.

If only the (laugh-in) fickle finger of fate would bless with doggone sudden wealth, or bestow beneficent altruistic philanthropist to bolster my very anemic

checking and savings accounts

which still smarts nearly eleven months after weathering a blitzkrieg assault iterated umpteen times

within previous poems,

and even posted a gofundme page, whose soothing telephone voice calm, cool and collected (sotto voce) belied blood thirsty Machiavellian scheming compute hacker and fraudster, who called himself Harvey Specter; One scheming scammer,

who made out like a bandit

 after he fleeced one naive sexagenarian.

No matter psychological services found the author of these words vilifying

above named malevolent online marauder

who initially (convincingly) weaseled his way thru the milieu of cyberspace zapping this Apple Macbook Pro laptop, claiming to be holier than thou by disabling access to the Internet, I fell prey to his charade, binary enfilade, and façade entranced and mesmerized, subsequently feeling wretched after carrying out the bidding by unforgettable referenced clip artist, which incident of being bilked reported to the local police, whose promptitude responding offered small consolation.

Little forgiveness yielded toward a punning wordsmith, still seething, fuming, livid with rage and mad as a hatter at himself for following hook, line and sinker,

an older fella ordinarily tentative and cautious when commingling with persons unknown.

[cxnscience]

Talk about Doc!

TALK ABOUT . . .

"Gee, well, Doc's got it all. Kind, and smart, and funny, and - and so doggone stupid that it drives me up a wall. I mean, he ain't stupid, that's why it makes me so mad - he just don't think about himself half as often as he oughta! If I had hair I'd be goin' grey. Love him to bits, but it's like it'd kill him to just let himself be happy without frettin' about everybody else and their dog."

[idkijustneedasideblogbro]

I decided to embrace the call of the tunnel but in a safe way, I downloaded mincraft and tunneled from where I spawned up into a mountain then started digging out a home at the top of said mountain and my doggone is mad I won't let it mine with me and accidentally drown itself because the mountain has a surprising amount of lakes and waterfalls also I was exploring outside my original home/spawn fell down a crevice (that I didn't make) dug around aimlessly and somehow popped up inside my underground forest I'm making. This has been an adventurous 2nd week

[lizzie2dyefor]

Sometimes when it gets to be too much, the ruling of an empire that by all accounts should never have been hers.

Lizzie and Ren will slip out for the night and camp like they used to. Not in the woods, not anymore, but in the grasslands around Chromia.

Used to, Ren would start the fire and she would gather wood. They’d sit together, hip to hip and discuss any matter of things. Without fail she’d fall asleep and wake in the morning tucked under Ren's jacket.

Of course, Ren can't start the fire. Or lend her his jacket to fend off the chill. Having paws makes that difficult.

“Does it bother you?”

Ren has his head laid in their lap. Like this, fingers wove into soft fur, Lizzie can almost imagine things are back to normal. Can almost believe its long hair instead.

“What?”

“How much they look like you.”

It does. She doesn’t own a mirror. Hasnt for as long as she's lived in the lord's house.

“No.” She lies, “Not really. I assume it's trying to psych me out. Can’t bother me if I don’t let it.” She stays quiet for a long moment, beginning a small braid in Ren's long fur.

“Lizzie-“

“Does it bother you?”

He sighs, stretching his long body and resettling against her leg. “It used to, in the beginning. But you start to notice differences after a while. Her eyes are wrong, hairs the wrong shade, nose is too perfect. Things like that.”

“I'm sorry”

“I know.”

They’ve talked about it before at length. Lizzie places the blame squarely onto her own shoulders. Ren disagrees, he left the path first. It is an argument they’re too tired to truly have tonight.

“Did you know Jimmy doesn’t know how bartering works?”

It's an obvious change of topic but Ren barks a laugh, tail sweeping through the dirt. “That feels pretty on par for everything I've heard about him actually.”

[tuneonin]

🎤 :3

Send 🎤 to catch my muse singing while they think nobody's around!

(Song: "Whatcha Gonna Do When There Ain't No Jazz?" by Esther Walker)

"♪ Every day you read about something else we must cut out How can folks get by with reformers crying: "Don't do this and don't do that! Don't you dare to kiss!" Now if by chance they stop the dance, kindly answer this:

What're you gonna do when there ain't no jazz? How ya gonna step when you're full o' pep if they're gonna stop syncopation? How ya gonna get recreation? How ya gonna chase those doggone blues everybody has? Won't the nights be long and weary? Slower than the darned ol' Erie? And what're ya gonna do with your dearie, when there ain't no jazz?

They took away your liquor! They didn't tell ya why! They are going to take tobacco from ya, by and by! They'll have us all like angels before they get through! Feelin' mad and looney, that's why I'm askin' you:

What're you gonna do when there ain't no jazz? How ya gonna step when you're feelin' full o' pep if they're gonna stop syncopation? How ya gonna get recreation? How ya gonna chase those doggone blues everybody has? Won't the nights be long and weary? Slower than the darned ol' Erie? And what're ya gonna do with your everlovin' dearie, when there ain't no jazz? When there ain't no jazz? ♬"

[animalsmealbuzz]

Why Dogs Like To Roll In The Grass

Let’s talk about our furry companions, the ones who bring endless smiles and curiosity to our lives with their quirky ways. Have you ever observed your pup in the act of performing a joyful somersault on the grass and wondered, “What in the doggone world are they up to?” Fret not, for we’re here to demystify the art of this playful pup pastime and uncover the hidden treasures behind it. Cracking the Case of the Grass-Rolling Mystery: Unveiling the Canine Joie de Vivre Our canine pals are the true champions of unexpected delights, and their penchant for grass-rolling is no exception. Although it may leave us humans raising an eyebrow or two, there’s a method to the madness, and it’s pawsitively logical. Javier Peribanez / Shutterstock 1. The Wild Instinct: A Game of Scent Camouflage Imagine a scene from the ancient wilderness where wild dogs and wolves roamed freely. Research suggests that our modern-day doggos have inherited a quirky habit from their untamed ancestors. By diving into peculiar and fragrant patches of nature, they’re essentially pulling a sneaky trick on their scent. It’s all about survival, my friends! What’s more, dogs converse through a language of scents and pheromones. So, when your pooch takes a roll in the grass, they’re not only masking their own scent but also sending coded messages to fellow canines and critters. 2. The Sensational Journey: A Splash of Feel-Good Vibes Now, sometimes our canine chums take a twirl in the grass simply because it feels oh-so-fantastic. The delightful mix of textures and scents tickles their senses, and it might even release a cascade of those happiness-inducing endorphins. It’s like their version of a spa day, complete with natural cucumber eye masks, no less. And here’s a quirky twist – if your furball is rolling in the grass, they might be using it as a DIY back-scratcher to reach those pesky itchy spots they can’t quite get to, like the back or neck. Grass is the ultimate itch-buster, and our furry friends are in on the secret! 3. Territory Tidbits: Claiming the Green Kingdom When your dog turns into a grass-rolling champ, it can also be their way of saying, “This territory is mine!” By sprinkling their scent across the blades, they’re essentially planting a flag that reads, “No Trespassing – Reserved for Yours Truly.” Dr. Jeff Smith, the veterinary maestro at Danville Family Vet, tells us that dogs love to roll in grass to leave their scent and mark their own little piece of the world. 4. Joyful Frolic and Stress Relief: Let the Good Times Roll Occasionally, dogs embark on a merry roll just for the sheer fun of it. It’s their way of letting loose, kicking up their heels, and celebrating life. Moreover, rolling in the grass can be a stress-busting ritual for our furry pals. Similar to how humans dabble in yoga or meditation to unwind, dogs opt for grassy rolls to release pent-up tension. It’s their way of saying, “Life is grand, and I’m loving every moment!” 5. Pest Purge: Flea and Tick-Be-Gone Adventure Here’s a plot twist – rolling in the grass can be your dog’s way of getting rid of unwanted hitchhikers. Sometimes, they roll to dislodge those pesky fleas, ticks, and other critters that might have clung to their fur. It’s a bit like their DIY pest-control routine, keeping their coat itch-free and critter-resistant. Austin Chaney / Shutterstock Curbing the Roll: Managing the Grassy Escapades While watching your dog roll in the grass can bring joy to your heart, there are times when it’s not the most convenient scenario, especially if you’re dealing with allergies or striving to keep your pup spotless. So, here are a few tricks to help curb the urge: - Redirect the Fun: If you’d rather your dog not engage in grassy frolics, try redirecting their attention to more suitable activities. Engage them in a game of fetch or offer them a fun toy to play with. - A Lesson or Two: Basic obedience training can go a long way in modifying your dog’s behavior. Teach them commands like “leave it” or “stay” to guide them away from rolling when the moment arises. Positive reinforcement in the form of treats or praise is a great way to reinforce good behavior. - Hygiene is Key: Keep your pup well-groomed and give them regular baths to minimize the need for grass-rolling as a cleanliness ritual. - Seek Professional Advice: If your dog’s rolling tendencies become excessive, it might be a good idea to consult a veterinarian. They can evaluate your dog’s overall health and offer guidance on addressing any underlying medical issues. Javier Peribanez / Shutterstock In a nutshell, the sight of your dog in the midst of a grassy twirl is a delightful reminder of their unique instincts and their heartwarming personalities. So, even if we don’t fully understand the “whys” behind their antics, one thing is for certain – our furry companions will always find ways to keep us entertained with their charming quirks. Read the full article

[aisheyrufox]

We Love Katamari BUT IT CLIPS THROUGH THE FLOOR?!?!

So I totally forgot about this until today, and I figured I would share cause it was pretty funny.

About a week ago, I'm playing We Love Katamari on my switch. I love this game, it is one of my FAVORITES. I play it on my Playstation 2 all the time, and being allured by it being on my favorite handheld console (Plus the extra additions) I couldn't resist.

I chug through this game real fast. I've played it for years so I can say, without being full of it, that I am pretty dang good. Not god tier mind you, but pretty good. So I get to my favorite level, The little Bird and the Elephant, really quickly. I. Love. That. Level. So I'm rolling the Katamari along, and I'm about big enough to start picking up the smaller houses when all of a sudden The Prince and the Katamari just FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR.

I'm staring at my screen like...WUT!?!? WUT? Did the game break? What's happening. And then King pops up and says something like, "Uh oh! This is the Royal Warp. How embarrassing!" and it happens 5 Freakin Times in a Row.

Fortunately it finally stopped and I was able to continue, but I am not gonna lie that was both the most aggravating and yet hilarious thing I have ever seen in one of my games that I have played. Just, "OH hey there might potentially be some gamers that come across this part of the area that they fall through. Haha Royal Warp.". LOL. Wow game designers LOLOLOL. Cracking me up over here XD

The only thing that made me really mad about it at the end is that I JUST GOT BIG ENOUGH TO ROLL UP THE KING and it was in the LAST 8 SECONDS and I couldn't SEE. SO If I HADN'T ROYAL WARPED through the floor and lost that 40 SECONDS his ROYAL HIGHNESS would have been ROLLED. Doggone it! LOL. Ah well. I can do it again.

[youonlyzingonce]

Watch "What Kinda Gone" on YouTube

I heard the door slam, and I couldn't tell Was it just the wind, or was she mad again? Oh, hell She's gettin' in her car I hollered, "Baby, is there something wrong?" Thought I heard her say something sounded like I'm gone But these days gone can mean so many things

Well, there's gone for good, and there's good and gone And there's gone with the long before it I wish she'd been just a little more clear Well, there's gone for the day and gone for the night And gone for the rest of your doggone life Is it whiskey night, or just a couple beers? I mean, what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here?

Well, it's gettin' dark out, she ain't back yet Ain't called home, turned off the phone, oh man This might not be good I would've stopped her when she went to leave But I didn't 'cause I didn't really think what I'm thinkin' now I'm still not sure what gone is all about

'Cause there's gone for good, and there's good and gone

And there's gone with the long before it

I wish she'd been just a little more clearq@@

Well, there's gone for the day and gone for the night And gone for the rest of your doggone life Is it whiskey night, or just a couple beers? I mean, what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here? Is it the kinda gone where she's at her mom's cooling down She'll come around, or the kind that says you had your chance And she ain't comin' back

Well, there's gone for good, and there's good and gone And there's gone with the long before it I wish she'd been just a little more clear Well, there's gone for the day and gone for the night And gone for the rest of your doggone life Is it whiskey night, or just a couple beers? I mean, what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here?

What kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout? What kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here? What kinda gone?