#notmytombom

[ohnotheybombadidnt]

I hope I don’t have to use this, but nobody fucks with my Tolkien.

I have loved this character since I first picked up my first copy of the trilogy back in middle school where I’d hide out in English class to read instead of go to gym class. Elbows on my desk, wide-eyed, devouring page by page to get every extra detail into my mind.

Don’t you do me dirty, Amazon.

[ohnotheybombadidnt]

WELL. THEY DID THE DOGGONE THING.

Met Rings of Power's Tom Bombadil. I wrote a blog post, so needless to say, I ain't happy.

As a reminder, Tom Bombadil has been called, "...one of the most enigmatic characters in J. R. R. Tolkien's novel." He was there. They raised a couple of questions. He was a weirdo in the woods. Not my charming Tom. Anyway. Let's dive in, shall we?

I am trying not to be big mad but I am all-around displeased with this representation of one of my absolute favorite characters in all of literature.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to make a live action version of Tom palatable for me.

I came to this weird realization that if they were going to interpret him in this medium and give him this vibe that I wanted so badly to like because IT'S TOM, I could have possibly accepted Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny (actor Trevor K. Wilson) and probably actually had a DRAMATICALLY SHORTER LIST of things to grumble at.

But instead, we got this presumably nice man, Rory Kinnear, a Shakespearean actor. To look him up he is very clean-shaven, in several James Bond films, and honestly, that's it. Nobody knew what to do with this character. Same dude below on either side. Nothing in that face says ENIGMATIC and UNFORGETTABLE TO THE SEASON to me. He must have come cheap. That's the only thing that makes sense.

The dialogue they gave him was so lackluster too. His singing has no wow factor. He's barely mumbling tunes under his breath. Just. Ugh. Do they not want people to fall in love with him because he's a momentary side character and then poof, he's gone? In the trilogy, he is featured in book one a few times. During one of these reunions, the hobbits meet Tom and take off all their clothes and run around in Tom's field, chasing each other and just guys being dudes. Just dudes being guys. Nothing weird happens. I know Gandalf had ties to the Hobbits, particularly the Bagginses, but TOM WAS RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME. I know he didn't volunteer or want to get involved, but this dude's powerset is unreal. HERE'S HIS WHOLE SCHTICK:

1. He's older than dirt but still a pretty sprightly fellow. Always singing and doing his thing, dancing, hanging out with his hot wife (which I think they're implying is some kind of sentient water being or something weird in the show?), living in his awesome house on this beautiful piece of property that's all his. He's doing pretty gosh darn well for himself. But let's just call him old, excuse me, "The Eldest," and leave it at that, Rings of Power.

2. Oh, he's immortal. Nbd.

3. "Master of wood, water, and hill." I'm just going to take this metaphorically since it was spoken by Goldberry, River Daughter. Tommy B is the OG Clarence Carter. But real talk. Bro lives in a forest. He's around all those things that he has mastery over and he can weaponize it at will? Sweet power, but I don't buy that THAT GUY we just met can do it. I want to, but I just don't feel it. Now Galadriel during that one battle this episode- HOT DAMN! Slay while you slay, girl!

4.  "He is impossible to capture or imprison." WHY ISN'T THIS GUY DOING SO MUCH MORE?! Why WOULDN'T we want a Houdini?!

5. Ordinarily described as whimsical/nonsensical, but he could be serious if the need arose.

6. THE RING HAD NO POWER OVER TOM. But Tom was just a guy who sets things down and then immediately forgets where he left them, like most of us. Gandalf recognized his "organized chaos" and recognized that TB didn't have as much order as he thought he did, had a 99% chance losing the ring, and our favorite wizard went Shire-bound. Not what I would have done, but whatever, Gandalf, go off.

7. Tom's greatest revealed power was in his singing. With song he exercised authority over Old Man Willow and the supernatural Barrow-wights. He did it LIKE IT WAS NOTHING. What are the true extents of his powers? Who all could he take on and wipe the floor with? We'll never know. Because poor lil powerless Frodo got suckered into the task thanks to Bilbo and Gandalf. Tom could have been majestic.

Moving right along... what could have been: IMMEDIATELY WHEN ISILDUR SAYS HE WON'T DESTROY THE RING, ELROND NEEDS TO TELL GANDALF, GANDALF FLIES TO TOM, EAGLES ARE HAILED, RIDDEN TO MORDOR, DROPPED THE RING DOWN THE VOLCANO, AND WATCHED IT BURN. BOOM. CREDITS ROLL.

Okay. I admit that's a much less entertaining story, but don't give me a God-man like Tom and then not use him, then give me a gorgeous show like Rings of Power, put him in, and make him meh-looking and kinda mysterious but people who know about the lore and the endgame know he's not really going to do anything. They could have at least made him more, I don’t know, ENIGMATIC, cooler, and a little more magical. (Entwives and Barrow-wights were *chef's kiss.*)

Really miniscule and bland beginning for old Tom. Hopefully it improves. The one thing I liked: he raises goats. However, that is not enough, so still he remains, #notmytombom