#notmytombom

[ohnotheybombadidnt]

I hope I don’t have to use this, but nobody fucks with my Tolkien.

I have loved this character since I first picked up my first copy of the trilogy back in middle school where I’d hide out in English class to read instead of go to gym class. Elbows on my desk, wide-eyed, devouring page by page to get every extra detail into my mind.

Don’t you do me dirty, Amazon.

[ohnotheybombadidnt]

WELL. THEY DID THE DOGGONE THING.

Met Rings of Power's Tom Bombadil. I wrote a blog post, so needless to say, I ain't happy.

As a reminder, Tom Bombadil has been called, "...one of the most enigmatic characters in J. R. R. Tolkien's novel." He was there. They raised a couple of questions. He was a weirdo in the woods. Not my charming Tom. Anyway. Let's dive in, shall we?

I am trying not to be big mad but I am all-around displeased with this representation of one of my absolute favorite characters in all of literature.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to make a live action version of Tom palatable for me.

I came to this weird realization that if they were going to interpret him in this medium and give him this vibe that I wanted so badly to like because IT'S TOM, I could have possibly accepted Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny (actor Trevor K. Wilson) and probably actually had a DRAMATICALLY SHORTER LIST of things to grumble at.

But instead, we got this presumably nice man, Rory Kinnear, a Shakespearean actor. To look him up he is very clean-shaven, in several James Bond films, and honestly, that's it. Nobody knew what to do with this character. Same dude below on either side. Nothing in that face says ENIGMATIC and UNFORGETTABLE TO THE SEASON to me. He must have come cheap. That's the only thing that makes sense.

The dialogue they gave him was so lackluster too. His singing has no wow factor. He's barely mumbling tunes under his breath. Just. Ugh. Do they not want people to fall in love with him because he's a momentary side character and then poof, he's gone? In the trilogy, he is featured in book one a few times. During one of these reunions, the hobbits meet Tom and take off all their clothes and run around in Tom's field, chasing each other and just guys being dudes. Just dudes being guys. Nothing weird happens. I know Gandalf had ties to the Hobbits, particularly the Bagginses, but TOM WAS RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME. I know he didn't volunteer or want to get involved, but this dude's powerset is unreal. HERE'S HIS WHOLE SCHTICK:

1. He's older than dirt but still a pretty sprightly fellow. Always singing and doing his thing, dancing, hanging out with his hot wife (which I think they're implying is some kind of sentient water being or something weird in the show?), living in his awesome house on this beautiful piece of property that's all his. He's doing pretty gosh darn well for himself. But let's just call him old, excuse me, "The Eldest," and leave it at that, Rings of Power.

2. Oh, he's immortal. Nbd.

3. "Master of wood, water, and hill." I'm just going to take this metaphorically since it was spoken by Goldberry, River Daughter. Tommy B is the OG Clarence Carter. But real talk. Bro lives in a forest. He's around all those things that he has mastery over and he can weaponize it at will? Sweet power, but I don't buy that THAT GUY we just met can do it. I want to, but I just don't feel it. Now Galadriel during that one battle this episode- HOT DAMN! Slay while you slay, girl!

4.  "He is impossible to capture or imprison." WHY ISN'T THIS GUY DOING SO MUCH MORE?! Why WOULDN'T we want a Houdini?!

5. Ordinarily described as whimsical/nonsensical, but he could be serious if the need arose.

6. THE RING HAD NO POWER OVER TOM. But Tom was just a guy who sets things down and then immediately forgets where he left them, like most of us. Gandalf recognized his "organized chaos" and recognized that TB didn't have as much order as he thought he did, had a 99% chance losing the ring, and our favorite wizard went Shire-bound. Not what I would have done, but whatever, Gandalf, go off.

7. Tom's greatest revealed power was in his singing. With song he exercised authority over Old Man Willow and the supernatural Barrow-wights. He did it LIKE IT WAS NOTHING. What are the true extents of his powers? Who all could he take on and wipe the floor with? We'll never know. Because poor lil powerless Frodo got suckered into the task thanks to Bilbo and Gandalf. Tom could have been majestic.

Moving right along... what could have been: IMMEDIATELY WHEN ISILDUR SAYS HE WON'T DESTROY THE RING, ELROND NEEDS TO TELL GANDALF, GANDALF FLIES TO TOM, EAGLES ARE HAILED, RIDDEN TO MORDOR, DROPPED THE RING DOWN THE VOLCANO, AND WATCHED IT BURN. BOOM. CREDITS ROLL.

Okay. I admit that's a much less entertaining story, but don't give me a God-man like Tom and then not use him, then give me a gorgeous show like Rings of Power, put him in, and make him meh-looking and kinda mysterious but people who know about the lore and the endgame know he's not really going to do anything. They could have at least made him more, I don’t know, ENIGMATIC, cooler, and a little more magical. (Entwives and Barrow-wights were *chef's kiss.*)

Really miniscule and bland beginning for old Tom. Hopefully it improves. The one thing I liked: he raises goats. However, that is not enough, so still he remains, #notmytombom

[ohnotheybombadidnt]

Rufus Wainwright, you tricksy little minx. You're probably the only thing I love about this character. That song is an utter delight.

Okay. There was some more Tommy Boy in episode 6, but I’m also caught up, so this is going to be Tom-centric, but I’m gonna bitch about everything through episode 7.

Thoughts pertaining just to Tom:

I like seeing him guiding Gandalf, being careful to let him connect with nature because that's going to bring him to himself and allow his powers to blossom, pun intended. He could do a lil more but I'll take what I can get.

Boys being boys. Guys being dudes. They just seem to have camaraderie despite having just met, even though Tom is a snoozefest and in no way would I call the man "jolly." Y'all already know I don't think this humming with occasional words under his breath doesn't count. (I want "YOU CAN DRINK YOUR FANCY ALES! YOU CAN DRINK THEM BY THE FLAGON! BUT THE ONLY BREW FOR THE BRAVE AND TRUUUUE COMES FROM THE GREEN DRAGON!" That's a jolly song.)

Still gets points for the goats. Love me some goats.

Vanity Fair is trying to refer to him with "jolly songs and his flamboyant wardrobe." K. Bright blue jacket, check, yellow boots, NOPE. Those are DEFINITELY BROWN.

Article goes on to say: "He observes drama, but largely doesn’t participate in it." That's why he's never been in anything, ever. I disagree. I think he's that initial bolster, that catalyst, that thing that pushes people out of their comfort zone in a fun way, makes them feel competent and capable, and lends this hand from above that gets our characters in all timeframes to where they need to be and WHO they need to be to face what's coming. So, fuck you, Vanity Fair.

Tolkien basically said, yeah, he's God, but don't overthink it.

Article continues about actor playing TB: "Most actors who take on a well-known genre character claim to be experts in that character. Kinnear, in his first interview about playing Bombadil, admits that he…did not." SHOCKER! LET ME PICK UP MY JAW OFF THE FLOOR! No shit, my dudes. It shows. He's not a Tolkien guy, even if he is a Shakespeare guy. You're not fooling anyone.

"In fact, he was a Lord of the Rings novice before signing on to The Rings of Power. “There are people who knew it from the books, people who knew it from the films, and there are those who had managed to get to 46 without knowing that much about it at all,” the actor says. And I went downstairs to my partner, who did know the books, and does know the films, and I said, ‘I’ve been offered this part. Apparently it’s in the books. A guy called Tom Bombadil.’ She was like, ‘No way! You’re not playing Tom Bombadil!’ So I sort of knew instantly then that it had a cultural heft to it that I was going to have to be sensitive to.” (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, AMAZON???!)

Forbes goes on to refer to him as a "...dime store Tom Bombadil." THANK YOU. Someone else knows what's up.

This Tom isn't concerned about the safety of Gandalf's friends. He's just like, welp, go fetch a stick to get magic or save lives. You choose. No way. Real Tom would have helped a little more than that, as uninvolved as he gets. AND THEN HE JUST GOES BACK INTO HIS LITTLE HOLE AND LEAVES GANDALF TO DECIDE. What is that? Go after her with no abilities, or try as fast as you can to find YOUR STAFF, gain magic, and save the girls. Guess who already has magic? TOM.

You know what Tom is interested in? The fate of Middle Earth. UNLIKE THE BOOKS. More interest in plot development than characters is absolutely right.

From a simple search I found out a lot more people than me are disappointed in a big way by this portrayal. That was encouraging.

On the series in general at this point (ep. 7):

Where. The Fuck. Is my Goldberry? FAIR RIVER DAUGHTER. SHOW YOURSELF. We heard your voice. We know you exist. Doing something weird and incorporeal is just going to make me mad but I have a feeling that's what's coming.

Halbrand/Sauron/Annatar. I just want to punch him in the face anytime he's on-screen. What he did to poor, regal Celebrimbor and beautiful Eregion, but we knew that was a matter of time. Poor little blonde girl eating it (Mirdania). Yeah. I saw that coming as soon as they were on that parapet with an aisle skinnier than a TJ Maxx during Christmas. But Elrond, your bro's mind has been fucked with a ton, so maybe don't put him right back in power as he kinda did let all this occur while he slaved away at the forge under Annatar's influence? Maybe do a little investigating to find out what all went down? Nah. He's gotta go put more product in his hair to keep those curls glistening. Never you mind that Frodo isn't our first nine-fingered friend in Middle Earth anymore.

Adar. I know he's important in the breeding of the Uruk-hai but at the same time, they did something VERY different with his face this season and it looks like a completely different person despite being the same actor and just. Ugh. He can go anytime. Also, he makes me feel bad for the orcs?

Galadriel let herself be caught. This is part of something bigger. I'm trying to will it to be. Because my girl is too badass to just get scooped by a band of orcs. When she and Elrond kiss, I think we all know it's him returning Nenya.

Dwarf vs. Dwarf in Khazad-dûm. Now they're openly talking (not naming but talking) about the Balrog that they'll undoubtedly set free if King Durin III keeps at it. Poor Princess Disa and Prince Durin IV are actually two of my favorites this season, whereas last season I was kinda neutral. I want to see them save their people, but I remember well... Gimli: "And they call it a mine. A mine!" Boromir: "This is no mine, it's a tomb!" So all I can hope for is that as many get out as possible before the Balrog emerges.

Arondir is my BOY. MY PRECIOUS LAD. He has had every kind of normalcy and the woman he loved taken from him, and her son being a little shit to him. He is a badass fighter out for kicking orc booty and I support him always. Poor guy goes through so much.

Numenor is a fucking mess and I'm glad we stayed out as much as possible. Began s1 not caring much for ruling Regent Tar-Míriel but now that the man with a Trump-sized mouth and a hell of a hairstylist that's her fucking COUSIN tried to seize the throne and she got him back in the MOST AWE-INSPIRING WAY, and saved Elendil while she was at it, nbd. And I don't like Elendil's daughter enough to even bother saying her name right. It's like all the vowels, so I just try saying all the vowels while eating and it sounds about right. She started all this by House of the Dragon-style being in the "right place" at the "right time" at the dying King's bedside (TO SKETCH HIM, LET'S REMEMBER. SHE IS NO POLITICIAN.) and wrongly puts things together and puts her poor honorable father into danger. Feed her to Cthulu next.

"Saruman" I'm guessing he is- just not doing it for me. I feel like his scenes are out of an entirely different show. I feel like I'm watching The Witcher or something. I know he'll fit at some point but he just doesn't yet and I'm not feeling him at all. And Tom apparently "trained him" ??? But won't teach Gandalf how to save the girls. That shit ain't canon.

So yes. I will keep watching. But still he remains, #notmytombom.