#[[ and Vi's rejections / abandonment ]]

[brionysea]

I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something

[alvathediviner]

watching this again after season 2 act 1 hits different

[countlessrealities]

Memories of my childhood

Bold all that apply to your muse. Repost, don't reblog ! TW: contains mentions of abuse / neglect / death / trauma

scraped knees, silent tears in a locked room,  slamming doors,  pervasive loneliness,  a dog barking, rain on a metal roof,  flinching at movement,  the creak of an old house,  forced laughter,  wandering in the dark woods,  wondering how you made it through,  sudden loss,  trying to make sense of the noise,  hiding what you love to protect it,  trying to explain but your words falter,  invaded privacy,  confusion at the pain,  running barefoot in the grass,  wondering what you did wrong and coming up with nothing,  realizing you aren’t a priority,   grass stains on white clothing,  trying to earn love you will never have,  being threatened over the smallest mistake,  secrets you are warned not to share,  the feeling of never being good enough,  the hope things might someday get better,  grief that aches in your bones,  childish dares and pranks,  the sense that your body isn’t yours,  shame and guilt that aren’t yours to carry,  sledding down a frozen hill,  absentmindedly following snakes through the grass,  punching a tree until your knuckles bleed,  tears over every dead creature you find,  searching out small places you can hide… just in case,  climbing the tallest tree so they can’t touch you,  the feeling of something tainted under your skin,  a curious child told to stop asking,  floral dresses,  body tensing at approaching footsteps,  anger with nowhere to go,  brief escapes from the chaos,  the purr of a contented cat,  taking the blame to keep the peace,  being told you’re too sensitive,  the creaking springs of a trampoline on a sunny day

tagged by: @vastayan--vigilante [[ thank you!! ]] tagging: Steal it from me !

[thenationofzaun]

Underneath the joke here, there is actually something compelling to be explored. The idea of "Jinx" being so notorious that she's mythologized. The myth being a hyper exaggeration of all her infamous traits, until it strays far from what the real Jinx is actually like. A spin on the whole "League of Legends" thing. The show did attempt to play into this theme with the openings. The way Season 1's opening depicts statues carved of stone, showing them as heroes and legendary figures, then Season 2's opening depicts them as human, stripped down to their underclothes. But the show could have done much more with this than a simple joke about an enforcer thinking the real criminal mastermind would never wear circus pants.

Imagine people telling stories of the dangerous criminal Jinx, but exaggerating certain details about her. Saying her nails are long and pointed as talons, her braids drag behind her on the ground, her teeth are sharp as a shark's, her bullets never miss, she is utterly without feeling or mercy, a spectre come to haunt and destroy Piltover. Imagine Piltovians viewing her as a horror story, and Zaunites viewing her as a dark hero, their vengeance against Piltover. Of course, the real Jinx likes painting her nails bright pink, let her father braid her pigtails, has a small tooth gap, misses her shots often, and feels way too much. The idea of both cities taking this girl and turning her into a legend, stripping away all her human qualities and projecting all their own fears and desires onto her is so interesting. Jinx, Piltover's ruin and Jinx, Zaun's revenge. Instead of Jinx the human.

Imagine Jayce meeting her. He never met her in the entire show's run which I feel is a missed opportunity. She was the catalyst of so much of his story in Season 1. It was her who broke into his lab, stole his gemstone and research. She defaced his entire lab, putting her grafitti and monkey symbols everywhere to taunt him. He spent the entirety of Season 1 worried sick that she would find a way to weaponize the gemstone. Her massacre of the enforcers on the bridge traumatized and sickened him. He demanded that she be locked up in exchange for Zaun's independence. I wonder how he imagines her? Does he picture a grown woman? Someone his age or older? Someone devoid of emotion or humanity? Imagine if he finally met her, this person who has caused him so much distress, and he sees an ill teenage girl. Baby fat on her cheeks and chipped nail polish.

Vi's story could have mirrored this too, losing her own identity while her sister sinks herself into her "Jinx" persona. Feeling abandoned and betrayed by Zaun, she rejects it and falls into Caitlyn's (Piltover's) arms. Becoming absorbed and assimilated into the city, losing connection to her real roots. Piltover taking advantage of her strength and exploiting it against Zaun. Turning her into their weapon, one of their enforcers. Using her as a diversity hire, the token trencher to prove how kind and not at all oppressive the enforcers are. Vi losing her own humanity as she makes The Piltover Enforcer her new identity and lets herself be engulfed by it, the way her sister does with her Jinx identity. Both cities taking these sisters and turning them into symbols. The sisters being dehumanized but letting it happen because they feel they have no other path or that they deserve it. But underneath Jinx and Piltover's Enforcer, are two broken young women.

[machineheraldbabe]

viktor and jinx inevitably lashing out at jayce and vi (respectively) for being sanctimonious and looking down on them. viktor and jinx finding camaraderie in having been abandoned by their once biggest supporters. viktor and jinx rejecting piltover supremacy. viktor and jinx becoming fellow outsiders in arms. viktor and jinx being crazy science buddies.

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part VIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII

----------------------

“Don’t tell me you’re scared, Suguru.” Satoru smirked at his friend, who rolled his eyes in response.

“As if I would lose to you.” Suguru passed him the ball. “Give it your best.”

Satoru was aiming for the hoop when Shoko arrived at the basketball court just in time to see him miss the shot.

Geto laughed at him. “Yeah, I'm terrified,” he said sarcastically. “If you need support, maybe Shoko can join your team.”

“Heck no,” the girl said with a light smirk on her face as she sat down on the floor.

“It’s still a tie, isn’t it?” Gojo retrieved the ball and passed it back to Suguru. He then looked at Shoko. “Where is [name]?”

She lifted her gaze to meet Gojo’s easy smile. “I think they went out.”

Satoru knew you had plans, but he had figured you would come and check on him and Suguru before leaving. That was what you always did after they returned from a mission in which you had not been included, and he would do the same for you in the rare occasions you were not sent with him.

“With that guy from the coffee shop?” Gojo turned to Suguru’s voice. He had left the ball on the floor and joined Shoko.

Shoko nodded and another smaller, even softer smile started forming on her lips. “I think so.”

Geto had meant no malice with his question, but with the number of times you had escaped the school grounds to go to the city, and how often you had mentioned your new friend and talked about the many things you had in common, he had finally picked up on what all of Shoko’s teasing was about. To him, it looked like you were excited about your new friend, the same way kids in elementary school would be ecstatic every time they met someone who matched their likes and energy.

“Again, huh?” Satoru picked up the ball Suguru had abandoned, and threw it again. This time it went right through the hoop. He did not chase after it.

Unfortunately, Satoru was still much like a child as well, and he did not seem so happy about being detached of his position as your closest and most exciting friend. He was used to being the one you would go out with, laugh the most with and tell all the news about the things you liked, even if he did not share the same interests. Thinking about you doing that with someone else... it just did not feel right.

“I don’t get what's so great about him, though.” Suguru noticed how his friend's mood had changed by his tone.

Shoko saw the ball Satoru had thrown bounce away.

“They have a lot in common, and he is actually nice,” she commented.

Ieiri was not trying to be mean. In fact, she felt a bit bad for Gojo. Since Ikeda had entered your social circle, you had been spending a significant part of your free time with him. You would still spend time with her here and there, so it had not really been enough for her to miss you, but she realized that, for Gojo, who was used to being around you most of the time, that was probably not enough.

He's used to the whole feast, and you are feeding him crumbles.

“It’s good they are having fun,” Suguru supported.

“Yeah, I guess,” Satoru mumbled.

What Satoru had really wanted to say was that the four of you would always have the most fun together. You had other friends, he knew that, but you had never seemed so... captivated by any of them. Could it be you were not having fun with him anymore?

Suguru’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Are they...dating?”

The question had been directed to Shoko, but it was Satoru the one who froze in place. That possibility had not crossed his mind.

"I mean, how do you know you like someone like... you know... romantically?" Your voice echoed in his head.

Had you been talking about that guy?

Ieiri shrugged. “It’s not my place to say. Wouldn’t Gojo know?” Her look in Satoru’s direction indicated she was passing the question to him.

“They are not,” the white-haired boy replied too quickly.

Maybe he had answered what he wanted to believe, but you would have told him if that were the case, right? Because you would not hide that from him, right?

***

“Satoru, do you remember Ikeda?”

You had held it in for too long. Once you started talking, the words burst out faster than you could think them through. You told him everything about how you had reencountered with Haruki; the shampoo, the store, him living abroad, Osaka, Tokyo, the book he had lent you, everything.

In a strange way, it felt as if you were coming clean about an infidelity, which did not make any sense, so you ignored that thought.

I didn't do anything wrong. Not telling him things makes me feel guilty, that's all.

But what was stranger was that Gojo listened to you in complete silence.

“...So that’s what I wanted to tell you.” You held your breath.

Satoru's expression was the perfect definition of poker face, and you felt like he was going to call all your bets off any second.

However, his reaction shocked you.

“I see... Well, then are you ready to go? The movie will start soon.” He stood up, still looking at you.

“What?” Did he even listen? “I mean, y-yes, I’m ready, but…” He was already marching away from you.

“Hm?” He tilted his head.

Was he really not going to say anything? You had said all of that aloud, had you not? You blinked once, twice.

“Nothing... Let’s go.” You followed after him.

***

Satoru had been rather quiet on your way to the theater, and even quieter during the movie, which, while being socially expected from the public during any type of performance, was unusual on him. And now, he was barely looking your way, fully devoted to his ice cream.

You held your own ice cream to your lips and kept an eye on the man sitting next to you.

He said nothing; yet why do I feel like we are not okay?

Satoru looked at you. “Not hungry?”

“Too much popcorn, I guess. Do you want it?” You offered him your ice cream and he took it with the same smile he would always have when accepting anything you had not eaten.

More silence followed.

Once he finished, he placed his hands on the table.

“What did you think about the movie?” you asked, itching for conversation. Quiet Satoru was a scary Satoru.

“It was good,” he replied without looking at you. His eyes were scanning the few other customers at the ice cream shop; a family ordering at the counter, two young girls at the next table, and a couple sitting farther away.

He wondered if you two also looked like a couple. Probably not now, he thought, we are not even talking much. If anything, we look like a couple having a silent fight.

He knew he was being stiff in comparison to what he was always like around you, but he could not help it. It was not only that Ikeda Haruki had returned unexpectedly or that you and he had been seeing each other over the past weeks. What truly disturbed Gojo was that you had not mentioned a word about it until now.

He did not want to think of what kind of relationship you had with Ikeda now, but he had thought you told each other pretty much everything. If you were ‘seeing’ someone, in whatever way it was, what did it mean that you had kept it from him for so long?

***

“Doesn’t he have to work or something?” Satoru was glaring at Ikeda, who was at another table and whose hand was resting too close to yours.

Your classmates had gone to pick you up to have dinner together, but when Shoko saw you sitting at a table for two with Haruki, she had pushed the boys to a different table.

“We are the only people here and we told the other waiter we would not order anything, so…”

“But shouldn’t we be leaving?”

From his angle, Suguru could peek at Satoru’s eyes narrowing behind his shades.

Suguru checked the time on his cellphone. “There is no rush, and it would be rude to interrupt them.” He looked at you then back at Gojo.

As time progressed, he had noticed Satoru growing more and more irritated whenever Haruki was mentioned, not to say the ready-to-kill look on his face at the sight of the poor guy.

If asked about it, Satoru would only say that he did not trust your 'friend', who had appeared from nowhere, who was a non-sorcerer, and who was obviously 'a player'. You were aware of Satoru’s opinions on Ikeda, but you had always dismissed his comments as friendly concern. Geto had thought so too at first, remembering how Satoru had also been a bit territorial when you and he first started hanging out. However, Satoru had eased on him sooner rather than later.

On the contrary, Gojo's attitude towards Ikeda was not improving; in fact, it was getting worse. Suguru was no longer sure there were no deeper feelings involved.

“Shoko?” Satoru looked at her, convinced that she would be reasonable and give him the green light to go there and take you home.

“No,” was all she said without even taking her eyes off her cellphone.

“He is going to talk their ears off,” Gojo murmured.

Shoko thought Gojo was no different. Yaga often scolded him for talking too much in class, and half of those times, it was you the one he had been talking to. However, Satoru would probably be offended if she dared compare him to Haruki out of all people.

“I don’t think they mind,” she only commented, because it seemed true. She had heard you praise Haruki’s sense of humor and conversation a handful of times. He was lively and always had something nice to say, or so was your opinion.

The three of them saw you get up and rush to them. “His break is over. Sorry I made you wait.”

“It’s fine." Suguru smiled and everyone stood up. "Satoru is in a bit of a hurry to get that pizza, though.”

“Let’s go,” Satoru said, casually wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he looked in Haruki’s direction once more.

One day, after you returned to the dorms, Satoru had been waiting for you, saying he wanted to borrow something, and he also took the opportunity to ask if you were dating ‘the flirty waiter guy’.

“Don’t call him that," you had told him. "And no, it’s not like that. We are just friends.”

If he has such pure intentions as [name] believes, he won’t mind.

But when Gojo looked at him, Haruki was no longer wearing that sweet smile that he despised so much. Their eyes locked.

You turned your head to wave goodbye to Ikeda once more and Satoru saw the boy's defying expression swiftly transform into that of the innocent friend you praised so much.

I knew it.

Satoru had never wanted to pull you away from someone faster.

***

Yeah, I remember him all too well.

Satoru was laying on his bed in the comfort of his home. After your little outing to the movies and the ice cream shop, he had walked you home but made no excuse to stay at your place.

He had felt bad for cutting all your conversation attempts short, but he had not been himself; just as he had not meant to completely ignore everything you said about Haruki at your home, but he had, and he understood he made you both uncomfortable in the process.

Of course that threw you off. You had spoken for a while, briefing him on all the events that had taken place in the last weeks concerning the guy that was back in your life, as if you were reporting the details of a mission to Yaga, and Satoru had just dismissed it as if you had told him you had seen a bird outside.

He had listened to every word you said, but...

“You don’t get to decide who I hang out with,” you had told him a long time ago.

If he voiced his thoughts, would that open a crack between you two again?

He tossed and turned all night. Your bed was definitely more comfortable.

----------------------

Note: I just wanted to say thank you all for reading. I know I always say it, but I mean it, so I want you to know I do. <3

Next: Part IX

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap

[lady-griffin]

Powder Haunting Caitvi

I don’t think I noticed this until I saw this lovely Gifset, but now that I’ve seen it - I’m completely obsessed and absolutely in love with how there’s a drawing of Powder in the background of CaitVi’s breakup scene.

The pillar Powder’s drawing is on, is blocking the pathway back to Jinx.

Caitlyn can’t get to Jinx because of Powder.

She even attacks the pillar, expressing her frustration and anger as she desperately tries to break down the pillar so she can get to Jinx, but Powder remains.

Caitlyn hates and wants to kill Powder; people can argue until they’re blue in the face that it’s Jinx who Caitlyn wants to kill and Powder and Jinx aren’t the same person, but she is literally the same person.

Then Caitlyn leans against the pillar - hurt, shocked, and angry at Vi for stopping her when she had the shot. She can’t believe it.

Caitlyn is drowning in her guilt over her mother’s death, because she had the shot before and didn’t take it. She didn’t kill Jinx and now her mother is dead.

So, for Caitlyn it feels like even though she learned her “lesson” and is determined to take the shot no matter what - none of that mattered, because Vi stopped her.

She had the shot and Vi stopped her. It’s almost like Vi stopped her from “saving her mother.”

Then when we have an overshot of Vi’s after she’s been rejected and abandoned by Caitlyn and of course the drawing of Powder is prominently behind her.

If Caitlyn were to look down, she would see the two sisters “together” – possibly confirming her belief that Vi can’t be on her side because she and Jinx are sisters. Vi stopped her not because Caitlyn was in the wrong, but because Vi is no different than Jinx and she was such a fool to think Vi was different or cared about her.

And for Vi, Powder being behind her... my heart hurts.

Vi has so many complicated feelings towards her sister, because she feels so much guilt for “abandoning” her and for not being there to stop Jinx and Silco from “murdering” Powder.

But it would be so much easier if Jinx had just simply murdered her sister.

It would be an entirely different matter if Jinx wasn’t Powder and if Vi still didn’t love her sister, because despite Vi trying to convince herself that it’s Powder who she loves and Jinx isn’t Powder and Jinx killed Powder - Jinx is Powder.

Plus, with the imagery from their fight scene, despite Vi wanting to protect and preserve her sister’s memory, killing Jinx will only destroy the memory of Powder and their loving relationship as sisters.  

The drawing of Powder that haunts Vi and Caitlyn’s breakup is from the same pillar that had the two sisters together – the very one Vi and Jinx broke when they were fighting each other.

And yeah... everything hurts.

[agentrouka-blog]

“I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons.”

I can’t tell if this is dramatic irony from GRRM and he means to subvert it or it’s a statement that may come to fruition ? Targ restoration seems very unlikely but I look at how “no one will ever marry me for love” and the willowy creature line is so obviously dramatic irony but can the same be said for the Dany line? Lot’s of Dany stans think so and obv think it’ll her and Jon’s child…I do find it funny that they’re the same people who claim that Jon’s willowy creature line isn’t ironic at all and that Sansa’s despair over only being chosen for her claim won’t be subverted at all 💀

I think that context here is a key in explaining why the line is begging to be subverted for Sansa, while acting (at best) as false bait in a broader metaphor of doom for Daenerys.

How would you like to marry your cousin, the Lord Robert?" The thought made Sansa weary. All she knew of Robert Arryn was that he was a little boy, and sickly. It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love. But lying came easy to her now. "I . . . can scarcely wait to meet him, my lady. But he is still a child, is he not?" (ASOS, Sansa VI)

For Sansa, the line plays on two things: 1) her disillusionment with an innocent but character-defining dream is already complete in the perfect middle of the series. What an excellent moment to set up an ironic hint where her arc will go from there. 2) Easter egg of an as of yet unknown fact: there is another cousin to whom marriage is going to be on the table. "It would be so sweet to see him once again" she later thinks of that not-yet-cousin, "but of course that could never be." Another never. What could possibly ensue down the line? It's pretty blatantly begging to be subverted.

Dany, meanwhile, is thinking this while in the process of fully embracing her dragon identity in the grasslands at the end of the fifth book (happening almost concurrently with the fourth book, so chronologically between the middle and the end). She is exiting her Mhysa-arc, abandoning the maternal role she took on at the end of ASOS, which had quickly entailed locking up her dragons for killing a little girl.

"Drogon killed a little girl. Her name was … her name …" Dany could not recall the child's name. That made her so sad that she would have cried if all her tears had not been burned away. "I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons." Aye, the grass said, but you turned against your children. (ADWD, Daenerys X)

Her children being the dragons.

Dany is torn between these idea of motherhood. Mother to the people, mother to dragons, mother to her own children. But, crucially, this chapter ends with a decision. She avoids examining the thought of her "moonblood", she divests herself of her commitment to Meereen, she summons and mounts Drogon, turns him away from Meereen, hunts on dragonback and gorges on the charred flesh of a horse that died screaming, calmly awaiting Jhaqo's khalasar to find her. She chooses the dragons.

The pregnancy she miscarried in the grasslands during her bout of starvation and dysentery was conceived in Meereen. Fairly soon after she started having sex with Daario and Hizdahr, even. Is it miscarried in the process of choosing to leave Meereen.

“To go forward I must go back,” she said.

She has chosen a new direction, back to her dragon identity, her personal quest. Nothing about this invites the idea of an ironic twist on motherhood being her future after all, which always stands in opposition to the dragons. The imagery is utterly consistent on that front.

In order to thematically reconnect to motherhood for herself, she would have to utterly reject the dragons, and that's going to be both extremely unlikely, and also increasingly meaningless the more she already achieves for herself through them. It's not much of a sacrifice if they have already given her power, devotion, armies, vengeance, the path to Westeros and the means to achieve all her goals. If Hazzea is not enough to convince Dany of what matters more, where is the meaning in being given "a little girl" for herself down the line, after yet more little girls will have died? Thematically, the time to earn this reward passed the moment she chose Drogon.

[eerna]

When I think about arcane arc 2, I’m just really :/ that it feels like they dropped the ball on their generational trauma theme. Like, we didn’t properly explore Ambessa and Cait’s new dynamic and Caitlyn had no reflection on her mother’s death anymore, Ambessa forgot about Mel??, Jinx was “fixed” by Isha, we have once again sidelined Ekko and his revolutionaries plot, and Vi and Jinx, who were trying to Kill each other two eps ago, are chill now (listen the catty fight was fun but ya know. besides that.) Like what about revolution eating up innocence and your sons and daughters and toxic coping strategies being passed down! Idk, I guess has someone who is a bit of a tragedy enjoyer (tho I like optimistic/happy endings lol) and someone who really likes toxic nuanced relationship (and arcane really focused on familial too!! which I love) I feel they really lost themselves trying to go the fluff route. This just isn’t that type of show. This is also why I think Vander’s character kinda threw a wrench in season 2; was there really a point to be made in bringing him back? Kinda thought he had already served his purpose but Idk! There’s other things to critique, and even things I enjoyed too, but I think if I had to boil down the main sentiment why I didn’t like arc two, it would be losing this character thread. So much of season 1 hinged on it, so many great scenes came out of it, feels bizarre fumbling it so bad in arc 2…

Yeah T.T The Vander one hits especially hard, because like. He really is done here. There is no reason for him to exist in the story anymore. The show even agrees with us, they brought him back ONLY to take him away from the girls again, and that is just stupid and boring. Sure, Warwick has to exist bc LoL, but there was no need to introduce him into the plot - the hints in s1 were plenty enough to give him a backstory.

And the most important part: WHAT ABOUT REVOLUTION EATING UP INNOCENCE AND YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS AND TOXIC COPING STRATEGIES BEING PASSED DOWN!!! HELLO???? THE MAIN THEME OF SEASON 1???????? It was about a bunch of revolutionaries trying to do good for their families, and how good intentions don't mean good results. Vi learned the passive rejection of a revolution from Vander, Jinx learned individualistic toxic obsession from Silco, Mel rejected her mother's "kill before you get killed" policy. None of this is important in s2 anymore!! I thought Isha would die in an act of revolution, bringing home the "is revolution worth risking the people you are doing it for in the first place" theme, but no. No! Because we are abandoning that line of thought! And you're right, the reason for that is the dumb family fluff they suddenly pivoted into. I adore family stories and relationships, but I'm not buying the Vander-Jinx-Vi-Isha unit for a moment. Jinx-Isha-Sevika, which had good setups, was abandoned and for WHAT!!!! CHEAP FLUFF???? Augh. Sad.

[day-drawn-blog]

Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die. - "I want to live".

Pairing: Astarion x Reader. This is set in Act I.

Tags: angst....

Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

Part III : maybe tonight I'll rest in peace.

Part IV : There is more to do and I still want to live.

Part V : our futures bound, our bodies known.

Part VI: These ain't my sins. I broke my chains.

Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours.

Part VIII : Your blood like wine, invites me in.

Part IX : I welcome my sentence, to give you my penance

--------

Into the night, turbulent thoughts led you to dark places in your mind. You got up, and stepped out. The campsite was desolate. Serene. You walked towards the distant hills. Alone. Feelings of loneliness, rejection, abandonment haunting you. The bond you thought you had built with another, these past few weeks, was perhaps too fragile to endure. A shared secret had brought you close. Only a yearning remained. Of what could have been. 

He was holding her, consoling her. 

You reasoned. The cool air on your face brought you back to the present. The great vastness in front of you, made you feel, insignificant. You had been too greedy, and had come full circle to the start. You were here back then. Rejected, and abandoned. But now....amidst the chaos you knew you did the right thing. You would trade guilt for your pain any day. You needed to bring order. 

You needed to refocus. 

The moonlight bathed you. You heard someone approach. You didn't expect him that night. But there he was. You looked at your cut, blood trickling down. "Stay back, Astarion. Do not come closer." He didn't heed your warning. Bad move. You thought through gritted teeth. You had overlooked every transgression of his. No more. 

You reached for your weapon. 

You swung it. The great hallberd gleamed in the moonlight and was met with two of his swords held in each hand. Anger coursing through you, you retreated and attacked. Again and again. What you lacked in martial skill you made up in pure bitterness. He defended himself well. He was more skilled in wielding his melee weapons than you were. 

His eyes were as resolved as yours. 

He hadn't uttered a word till then. But you were beginning to lose your breath, and your footing. You could incinerate him instantly, but that wasn't your goal. That wouldn't suffice, wouldn't calm your wrath. You hit, harder, repeatedly. He parried every single one, swift on his feet. Eventually he overpowered you. 

He had a sword to your throat. 

You fell to your knees. Exhausted. Still in the grips of an unfathomable rage. You cast Eldritch Blast on a nearby rock, shattering it to pieces. Only then did you feel your rage subside a bit. Spent, you on all fours, you hit the ground with a fist. He threw his swords in front of you. "Stop", he growled. "I'm yours... already" he continued. "Stop this madness. Why ...punish yourself in my stead. My body is yours. Just ... use me as you wish...punish me ... or use me for pleasure ..." 

"However you like. As you desire..." 

What nonsense is this?!. Does he understand the gravity of what he is saying? Has he lost his mind? 

"I do not want you, Astarion. You are not a thing, nor mine to claim". You got up. "Why are you here, anyway?" You couldn't mask your resentment. You no longer wished to be caught in his web of lies, ensnared by his charm, in the illusion of love and desire. Yes you craved to be needed, wanted, sought out. But this... was just an mirage. Carefully crafted to manipulate you. 

You were being used the entire time. 

And you would put an end to that now. Fully resolved to not relent to his charm. To none of his advances. You braced for the next honeyed words he would inevitably utter, to pull you back into the dream he wove. But he said something entirely unprecedented. "I ....have nowhere else to be". He said, quietly. 

Another lie. You thought. 

"You abandoned Shadowheart? I cannot help but marvel at the coldness of your heart. But of course, you are a vampire. You do not have one". 

You hoped to cut him. But why. 

He looked at you, searching, with his eyes. Did you really mean that? He could try reading you all he wanted. Your face wouldn't betray your inner turmoil. Unable to fathom you.... He relented. 

"She doesn't ...want me. She never did. All she ever wanted, all anyone...has ever wanted...from me...was pleasure. When someone seeks me out...I do not refuse them. It's what she did. So I gave myself to her. It's what I was taught. It's all I have ever known, to do. As long as I can remember...to be". 

"It's, all ...I am". 

Wait. What? Hold on...

"In another lifetime" he continued. Oblivious to the horror on your face. "I would have taken her to my master, Cazador. No one has ever sought me out, more than once. They never got a chance..you see. They either died...or were enslaved by my master." He looked at you, nonchalantly explaining his life to you... Not realizing how it made you feel. 

Your words failed you. 

Astarion was baring his most vulnerable self to you. He was being....honest. Was that really how he had lived ...under Cazador? How could Cazador do that to him? You needed to help him. The hatred in you, the seething rage was replaced with remorse. That you hadn't known ...about his man. About the darkness he was battling with. He was a prisoner in the past ...and a prisoner now, to the scars he bore. 

"But now...is different". He continued.

"She did seek me out. More than once. And I was happy, to oblige. I was grateful. I was happy ...to be of use to her. She is beautiful...and powerful...and kind. I felt safe... protected. So, I served her, to my best ability." So ... Yes, you both found pleasure in each other. But she probably felt more than that about you, Astarion. Or were you so oblivious to the fact that someone can want you...for more than pleasure....it made you blind to ...her true feelings?

He needed saving. And love. 

"Why abandon her now? If you devote yourself to her, she will continue to cherish and protect you. Im.sure. " you reassured him. "That's what you want isn't it?" You gently led him. Hoping to steer him in the right way. If Shadowheart could bring him out of the darkness, maybe he should ...let her. 

He shook his head. He disagreed. 

"I felt ...empty...with her. Around her. I had to wear my mask. Never let her know who I was, lest she throw me away, because I was a ...monster. I am a monster, you see. I'm prey on the living. I drink...blood." He looked away. 

He really despised himself, you noticed. 

The regret in his voice was palpable. "But you.... You forgave me, for being, who I was. I felt free...with you. I have never been myself, around anyone outside of Cazador's ..."family"...Returning to her ... after you...was exhausting. Unsettling..." 

"I didn't want it anymore. "

"Didn't look forward to it...it was ... difficult. I was growing cold to her...avoiding her. She noticed ...I'm sure. But she never spoke of it. Which led me to believe she never sought me outside of ...carnal pleasure. Perhaps she had tired of me too. Perhaps I wasn't my best... with her anymore. I couldn't force myself anymore. I was happier....when with you..."

You wanted to heal his fragile heart. 

"I do not want you for carnal pleasure Astarion. That's not what I need from you. I will give you my protection freely. And perhaps my blood, should you desperately need it." Astarion looked at you. That was not what he was expecting to hear at all. He was fully prepared to be thrown away. He had had several nights with you. More than he could have wished for. 

He was happy with just that. 

What had he done to deserve that? Him. Why him? He was the lowest of the low. A murderer, evil incarnate. Despicable.  "But ...why? I have given nothing to you. I have only taken .. I have nothing to offer you...I have nothing...I possess nothing, The only thing I know how to do, only thing I'm good at....is ...my body. To serve...to pleasure ..." 

"So ... just use me, please". He pleaded. 

Must he be so used to degrading himself? "You can offer me many things Astarion. Your loyalty to start. Your cheerful disposition. Your strength... both of body and mind. Your... friendship ...your trust." You smiled at him. You could give me your real self, your affection ...your pure, uninhibited love... But you didn't say that. That was not something you would ask. "You can keep your promise to me from the other night. A reason ...for me to live on". You reminded him. 

"I do need you too....your embrace... " 

You said, as you smiled, you looked at him. To reassure him that you meant it. He looked at you blankly at first. Unsure. But ..then...in what felt, forever. His face lit up. "Really? Is that all you want...from me? Can I offer you ... Yes....i promise you...you have my.. my trust and my faith. My loyalty and my unwavering friendship. My gratitude." He walked to you. "You have ...all of me. Every bit of me. The monster and the ally. The sword and the shield. My ..self ..." He held you. 

"I'm yours. Only yours". He smiled.

Looking at you. "Whether you need me or not, I'm here for you. You need not look further.. I devote myself to you. Till you...till you no longer want me". He held your face in his hands. His voiced suddenly tinged with sadness. "But even so ....I only hope and prey, that you don't abandon me. Can you promise me? After making me feel wanted, for who I am.... I would not be able to live on, if you threw me away too...I have no one else..." 

He pleaded with his eyes... Before kissing you.

-------

Epilogue 1 -

Leave the flames and take a chance to be with me tonight

[deiastormborn]

Unpopular opinion, but people really need to stop viewing Arcane characters in such a simple, trivial way. All of this "either I hate this character or I worship them" is so tiring.

(Rant with spoilers)

Jayce is not bad, he was a young boy that tried to make the world better. He cared about the people in Piltover, he cared about Viktor, he was just too young and too naive.

Post-arcane Jayce had a reason to do what he did. He saw things. You can see him get triggered and act frantic, he SAW something bad. Just because he attacked your favorite Viktor doesn't mean he deserves hate.

Viktor is not perfect. He may have good intentions, but his methods are not it. He created a cult with a hivemind and abandoned his own beliefs.

I love him too, but you need to love his flaws as well.

Caitlyn is not a fascist. She is literally the first Piltover character we see who was caring for Zaun people. She tried this whole time to avoid violence. Ambessa manipulated her when she was at her lowest, and even then, Cait told her that "why does everything justify violence?" As soon as Vi told her about Vander, she jumped in to help. She was never evil. She was broken.

And don't get me started on Maddie thing. It's a 1 year time skip. Ambessa said Jayce and Co were missing for 1 year. She's allowed to have relationships with someone else. Stop hating Maddie for just being there.

Vi isn't perfect either. She's aggressive and self-destructive. She wasn't protecting Isha from being shot. She was hesitating to kill Jinx before she even appeared. She is acting tougher and angrier than she is. But that's the truth.

And yes, I love her too. But you can't deny her issues and say you love her.

Jinx, Mel, Silco, Vander, Ambessa, all of these characters are not meant to be 100% evil or 100% good.

Arcane does a great job of humanizing the characters. The intentions, the trauma, the response to it, the good, and the ugly.

I understand if you don't like a character. And I understand if you love some other one. But please, give everyone a fair chance and accept or reject them with their greatness and ugliness. Not a single character in Arcane deserves to be looked at and judged by the surface only.

[fandommothlady]

Jason Todd and Jinx are so fun to think about as a pair. Like:

Jason gets kidnapped, beaten, and dies in an explosion. His adoptive father was too late to save him. Powder's adoptive father gets kidnapped, beaten, and dies saving his daughter from an explosion Powder caused. Both Jason and Powder are torn from their families in these instances.

Jason gets taken in by the League of Assassins and forms a bond with Talia al Ghul, a woman whose motivations for helping and training him are muddled and unclear. Jason gets stronger, remakes himself, and emerges on the other side irreversibly changed. Powder gets taken in by Silco, a man whose motivations for helping her are muddled and unclear. Under his care, Powder gets stronger, remakes herself, and emerges on the other side irreversibly changed. Jason becomes Red Hood, and Powder becomes Jinx.

Red Hood is a name taken from the man who killed Jason. Jinx is a name taken from the girl who abandoned Powder. They take their monsters, cut them open, and wear their skin.

Red Hood returns to the father who couldn't save him with an ultimatum - me or him. You kill him or I will. The Jason of before isn't an option, because that Jason is dead. It's me or the Joker. And Batman chooses the Joker.

Jinx drags the sister who left her right back to her and gives her an ultimatum - me or her. You kill her and you can have Powder back. You kill her or I will. And Vi doesn't kill her, and she can't have Powder back, because Powder is dead. Vi doesn't choose. Jinx chooses herself.

And it's fascinating because they're the same but not. Jason is rejected by his family and runs away from them and gets killed; Powder is rejected by her family and runs towards them and gets them killed. Jason comes back to a world that's moved on without him; Powder forces the world to move on without her. Red Hood chases his demons (Batman), and Jinx gets chased by her own (Vi); and in the end, Batman abandons Red Hood, and Jinx abandons Vi.

Vi saw Powder in Jinx. She tried to save her. Jinx wanted her sister back, but Powder is dead, and Vi can never love Jinx. So Jinx leaves Vi behind.

Batman saw Jason in Red Hood. He offered to help. Red Hood wanted his father back, but Jason is dead, and Batman can never love Red Hood. So Batman leaves Red Hood behind.

One is empowered while the other is decidedly not. Like. Guys. I need these two characters to interact. To talk to each other. (Add in some Lazarus Pit madness to bounce off of the shimmer enhancements for extra flavor. They would fuck shit up.)

And a lot of this is playing on perspectives and there's definitely more than what I've just listed here but to summarize: Jinx and Jason parallels go brrr.

[ruiniel]

Remember

Fandom: Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba

Pairing: Kokushibō x fem!Reader

Count: 1.6K

Rating: 🔞

On AO3

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI - Part VII - Part VIII - Part IX - Part XI

CW: gore, violence

X.

… you can live forever …

The frigid nightly winds are nothing against the burning in his body. A day passed since that man’s blood seared his throat. His mind failed him then, and he fell. Barely he remembers how he crawled beneath the shadows of trees, left to fend for his own.

You want to master breathing techniques, and I want to make a demon out of a swordsman who can use them.  

An owl’s call and the beating of wings break the silence: too loud, much too loud, like stones splitting his skull. As the hours passed his vision also weakened, the world reduced to whispers of shadow and light.  

What do you say?

 “I will live… I will live…” he seethes, eyes pressed shut as he struggles to his knees and leans forward, palms flat against the ground. Blood spills from his lips, feeding the cold earth.

The second midnight his entire body is aflame, an endless fever. He somehow finds a stream, abandoning his blade and falling in the water. It washes over him, cleansing of the blood and vomit from his skin. Emptily he stares at the dome of heavy leafed branches above: where before he could see nothing, now it’s as though the world is bathed in an early twilight where every living detail rushes through his mind. 

The pains are abominable and worse still as the hours pass, but then, he chose this. More time, all he needs is more time. And he will have it. 

Water flows through his hair, pours into his nose and mouth. It all feels like a cold compress to a severed limb: it helps close to nothing. Many memories slip away from him with the water’s gushing rhythm, merging in a whirlpool of undefinable thought and emotion. Faces, movement, trust, anger, blood, jealousy. Time loses meaning, and there he lingers.

Late into another night, he hears footsteps. A soft tread.

Michikatsu rises, leaning forward and covering his face with his hands. Normally, he knows, feels, that he should be long dead and drowned by now. Nausea returns, but he focuses, gritting his teeth until they crack; until blood pours from his lip, punctured by his own fangs. 

He trudges out of the water on his knees and brings a trembling hand to his mouth, feeling the odd, new shapes, frowning at the sharpness. 

When he looks up, a woman is there, gazing down on him. She is small, with large, sad eyes and dark hair. Her expression shows nothing, but he sees the slit pupils, and wonders. He was not told there were others. 

“... who are you?” His own voice takes him aback, a hoarse mangle of sounds. 

She looks at the ground, her hands laced before her. “He sent me to see how you are.”

Michikatsu would laugh if another spike of pain didn’t stab his insides. He leans forward on trembling arms, water dripping from the strands of hair coiled around his neck and shoulders. “Then tell him I may die.”

The woman makes no comment, at first. “You are dying,” she says. “Your human body rejects the taint in your blood and fights it until overwhelmed. That is the process.”

The irony is not lost on him, since he’s done all this to live. He sighs, straightening his spine and falling into a seated position, arm resting on his risen knee. “Then leave me to it.”

“It won’t be much longer now.”

He stares up at her again. He feels something in his bones, an acute sense of the other. This is, as far as he can tell, an ability he’d not honed too well before. Now, Michikatsu can taste the flaming wrath beneath her mild disposition. “I do not care if you despise me,” he says. 

“You’ve made a terrible mistake,” she murmurs.

“Apparently so did you, once.” His words have no bite to them despite his instinctual rejection of her presumption.

“Yes.” Her small fists clench. “And all it will lead to is your ruin; and that of your loved ones.”

“I was already ruined,” he mutters. Of course, she knows nothing of his fate, and he feels no need to share. “Please…” Another wave of nausea has him lurching forward, spewing blood at her feet. “Please go,” he says, wiping his mouth.

The woman—the demon—says nothing, gazing down at his shivering form. “I will tell him your trial is nearly done. You will know how to find him then.” She turns away, making to leave. “But remember, flowers are flowers because they know when they should scatter; likewise, are people.”

Flowers are flowers…

He walks aimlessly for a long while. Hearing, seeing everything, hiding from daylight and emerging at night. The ache in his body has become tolerable, but he is so, so very hungry. A deep, ravaging emptiness coiling in his stomach, demanding and irrepressible. 

Uncertain, he avoids people in his path, and none dare wander the darkness either way. Michikatsu stops in his tracks, wondering how the road opening before him is so familiar. He follows either way, stalking through the silence, led by a thread he cannot see. 

The gate and lamplights of a household soon flicker ahead. “What…”

He’s staring at the very place he once left behind. The life he had, the envy of others, yet not enough to keep him here. Why has he done this, then? Without answers he walks onward, still, closer and closer to the gate. Dogs bark somewhere within the courtyard, and familiar voices rise, then fall into murmurs. 

You ought to leave. 

“W-who’s there?”

A fretful question. He looks over his shoulder briefly, knowing who it is. “... Yuwa.”

The servant girl once sharing his household nearly drops the wrapping she’d been carrying. “Michikatsu-dono? You… you’re alive? You’re here?!”

He stays silent for a moment, wondering. “How is everyone faring?”

She drops to her knees, prostrating before him with her forehead pressed to the ground. “Dono, s-so much… much has changed.”

“... how so?”

“After… after you left,” Yuwa stutters, “there was an upheaval, and I don’t know if you’ve heard, but a different lord now rules the area. And he… Hisami-sama was alone, and—and…” 

Something cold and dark settles in his gut. 

“... the estate, assets and people, was given to the care of one of his honored warriors, and Hisami-sama was deemed widowed, and asked to remarry. We… we are his retainers now.”

His mouth opens. “She is safe?”

Yuwa nods. He asks no more. 

“... what about the children?”

“Hisami-sama sent them away, before everything passed. She ensured they reached a place of safety.” 

Of course. In situations such as these, offspring not one’s own are in peril of being killed to eliminate any future threats of succession. “She’s done well.” He nears, staring into nothing.

“Dono, what will you do? Now that you’re h-here, what… do you plan to…—”

“Yuwa, do not worry,” Michikatsu says. “All will be well. Please, rise.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” the girl mumbles as she raises her head, as though anything at all was her fault. “I could, I c-could help—”

He never hears what she might’ve said. Her head rolls away into the dirt. Sword in hand, he watches the body fall. 

Michikatsu turns his head toward the lamps. He takes a step, then another. His chest heaves with anger and a rabid need, but even if he were to kill every single human here and take it all back—take you back—how would you even look at him, as he is now? 

He already knows. He knew it the moment he cut the girl down: to them, he should stay dead.

“What do you intend to do?” you ask, following him to the house.

“Show you,” he says, and with a manner that is neither forceful nor hurried, takes you by the arm before your mind wraps around his words.

You gasp, staring at the sources of the noise: two of them, this time. They crawl from chamber to chamber, eyes shimmering with lust for blood. “Why again…” you begin, but your breath is cut short as he sets you before him, facing them, a firm arm wound around your middle.

“Wait, please, I don’t—”

“Look at them,” he demands, keeping you in place as one demon nears, followed by the other. “These are so far gone they have no memory of who they once were as humans. They are husks powered by hunger.”

You grasp his forearm, pushing back against his body. “All right, fine, please, they’re so close!”

His other hand reaches around your throat, fingers firm on your jaw. “Do you want to always be running, then?”

“I—I don’t know! Stop this, please stop!” 

Their sinewy movements brought them so near you smell the decay on them, but even as one reaches for you, he takes you a step back. You’re forced to face them in close quarters this way, clutching at his arm as he brings you just out of reach, every time. 

“They sense me, which is why they hesitate,” you hear, “but they still crave the warmth of flesh and blood enough to pursue.”

“Michikatsu-san, please…” you try, though your fear lessens as his hold tightens around your middle.

“I asked you not to call me that.”

You cry out at the swipe of a clawed limb aiming at your head—it never gets you, its owner a mess of entrails at your feet. The sight and stench brings you close to heaving.

His fingers drift away from your jaw even as you struggle with rushed gasps in his hold. “You must learn their ways, their behavior. You want to live… don’t you?” 

You lick your lips as the second demon closes in. “I do, I do, but—”

Your balance tilts for a moment. Then again. You try turning in his arms as the ground moans and rumbles beneath, but even as you realize what this is, the earth’s seismic rampage tears the breath from your lungs.

AN:

Tamayo makes a cameo... the words she says to him at the end are inspired by the death poem of Hosokawa Gracia, translating along the lines of 'Exactly because they know when they should fall/scatter, the flowers of this world are flowers, the people of this world too are people.'

Basically she is telling him human life matters precisely because it's fleeting... like the cherry blossoms that fall when they're at the height of beauty without wilting. The comparison between flowers scattering as ephemeral and the shortness of a samurai's life (a deeply ingrained concept) would be known to Michikatsu.

And ah, yes... Kokushibo. He'll never be nice but... Let's just say there will be... moments. Good ones

Part XI

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XXIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself. Drinking and alcohol are mentioned.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII, Part XIX, Part XX, Part XXI, Part XXII

----------------------

Through the years, Satoru had had many bad ideas. Like that time when you were kids, and he convinced you to trespass someone’s property to explore an abandoned house, and you were almost bitten by an angry dog. Or that time he dyed a strand of Suguru’s hair while he was sleeping, and Suguru sulked for three days straight.

Now, the way Satoru was staring down at Haruki made you realize this night might as well be joining the list of his bad ideas.

You had arrived at the restaurant with Shoko on time. The original plan had been for you and your friends to arrive together, and have Haruki join you there, but Satoru had been forcefully pulled into Yaga’s office last minute

“I’m sorry,” principal Yaga said, applying more pressure on the lock he currently had Gojo in. “I need to speak to professor Gojo for a minute.”

Gojo’s impromptu meeting with Yaga had resulted in Haruki arriving earlier than him and taking the seat Shoko had purposely left empty for Gojo to sit by your side. To say Gojo was not pleased when he arrived and had to take the spot next to Ieiri would be fairly accurate.

Not that he disliked Shoko in any way, but he would have preferred to sit by your side this night in particular, and, even if he had come here to finally gauge the kind of man Haruki after years of not having to exchange a word with him, having his face in front of him during the whole night was not exactly what he had in mind.

He understood Haruki had invited you, and that he and Shoko were technically your friends, not his, so of course, he would want to sit closer to you, but that thought did not ease Satoru’s mind.

“The appetizer is a cold soup, a recommendation of the chef.” Ikeda smiled for all. “And I did preselect the dishes, but please feel free to order anything you’d like from now on.”

He passed the wine menu in Shoko’s direction, and if you had ever seen her eyes shine, this was it.

“They also have a special desserts’ selection,” he went on, trying to show Satoru a friendly smile.

You made a mental note to commend Haruki’s efforts to make the dinner enjoyable for your friends later.

“Can I invite Satoru too?”

You thought the brief silence you heard on the line was hesitation, but then Ikeda’s voice came clear from your phone. “Of course! The more, the merrier. Is there anything specific they like? I’ll have my friend prepare it.”

“Don’t you say…” Satoru’s voice sounded disinterested, as if he was not the one with the sweetest tooth at the table. He kept looking at the menu. “These are a bit steep, aren’t they?”

You glared at him. Don't start with the passive-aggressive comments.

Since when did he care about price anyways?

“I guess they are.” Ikeda gave him an apologetic smile. “Not that you have to mind it though. Tonight’s on me.”

Not that he needs to mind either. He is wearing the whole menu’s worth in clothes, Ieiri thought, side eyeing Gojo and the expensive button-up white shirt he had on.

“Lucky us then... I’ll take you up on that.”

You wanted to give Satoru a good scolding look, but his eyes were locked with Ikeda’s.

Sigh... We just need to make it to the dessert.

***

Against all odds, Haruki’s efforts were proving to be fruitful to some extent. Who would have believed that not even Gojo Satoru himself would not be able to resist his charms?

After a rocky start, the conversation in the group had turned for the better, and by the end of the main course, it seemed like Shoko and Satoru were finally enjoying themselves.

It’s nice to see them like this for a change.

“You’re kidding!” Satoru’s smile to Haruki was nothing but genuine this time.

“I’m not! I’ll show it to you some day. It was tough to get his autograph but I’m glad I did it before he retired the year that followed.”

The subject at hand was a baseball autographed by Matsui Hideki that Haruki had gotten during a game he had gone to while he was abroad.

Finding out these two shared a liking for baseball made you smile.

Maybe, just maybe, they could bond over this and become friends.

“He did, right? Oh man, what a shame.”

Haruki glanced at Shoko who had been listening to the whole baseball-centered discussion with occasional nods when she remembered something Gojo had babbled about in the past, when he had forced you and her to watch a baseball game with him, but still, she was far more interested in her almost empty glass of wine.

“Please allow me.” Haruki grabbed the bottle of wine that had been left on ice aside on and poured some in Ieiri’s glass, to her delight, and in yours. Then he looked at Satoru’s untouched glass.

Gojo had prevented the waiter from serving him earlier and asked him for another drink instead, but that had already been finished. So, Haruki held up the bottle above the empty glass, ready to fill it, but Gojo covered it with his hand.

“Thanks, but I will not drink.”

“Oh, okay, got it.” Ikeda nodded, returning the bottle to the ice that was slowly melting as the night progressed.

Shoko smiled. “He’s a lightweight, that’s why he doesn’t drink,” she stated, nodding in Gojo’s direction.

“Is he?”

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.” You laughed. “The number of times I’ve had to look after his wasted ass.”

Even Gojo laughed and added “I’ve made you into an expert designated caretaker. You are most welcome.”

“Now that explains it. I’m glad I had an expert to take care of me the other day then,” Haruki was grinning at you but the laughter from the other side of your table was slowly fading out. You froze.

Oh, he mentioned that.

From the side of your eye, you saw Satoru tilt his head like a puppy. He did not know you and Haruki had a habit of going out for drinks. That was because you did not. That day had been an isolated event.

“You were not that drunk though,” Satoru watched you smile at the man next to you and sip your drink. “Anyway…”

We should change the subject.

But it seemed that the wine had loosened your friend's tongue because Ikeda leaned back and continued. “Oh, no, thank God we weren’t too drunk. If I had forgotten where I live, we would have had to go to a hotel. I bet you would have complained about the bed there too.”

If he says it like that, it sounds as if…

You shot a quick glance to Satoru. It was clearly visible there was something he had not liked about that phrase, and he looked back at you. You though you could read the question on his face.

What is he talking about?

“I hope the breakfast was worth the struggles though. I’ve been told I make the best French toast.”

That night… the bed... and the breakfast?

It did not take a genius to fill in the gaps among those elements with a colorful story.

“Who lied to you?” You half forced a smile and tried to stop Haruki’s rambling. Shoko had also smiled at your comment, but Satoru was starting to look out of sync with the mood.

“Okay, I may not be the best cook, but I make up for it in other areas, don’t you think, [name]” When Haruki said that and winked at you, the vision Gojo had been enticed to believe in the last hour finished crumbling, and he remembered who he was with and why.

“When?” he heard himself asking.

Was he asking you or Haruki? It did not matter; the latter’s focus turned to Gojo. “Sorry, what?” Gojo’s voice had been a bit too low to hear.

“When did you two go out drinking?”

“Oh, you asked when? Well…”

Haruki looked up as if searching for an answer in the air and then back at your face for confirmation. “Like two weeks ago?”

You did not miss the way Satoru's eyes shifted to you.

“It may not look like it, but your friend here,” Haruki's his arm found its way around your shoulders, “really knows how to hold their liquor. It was at this place that’s known for its sushi, but they share the establishment with a themed bar… Ieiri, you know it? It’s...”

Two weeks ago, Haruki had called you and asked you to meet with him for dinner and a few drinks afterwards, as friends of course, but you did not tell Satoru because…

He might have overreacted if I had told him that we were going to drink.

One look at Satoru was all it took for you to know the kind of math he was doing.

Two weeks ago…

Two weeks ago, Satoru had already told you he liked you.

Two weeks ago, he had already kissed you breathless in that empty street, and that night he had almost professed his love for you in your bedroom, but you had stopped him because you believed you were not ready.

He did not mind because two weeks ago, he had already been too immersed in this limbo he thought he could live in, having you as the friend he was in love with and who would let him step on some lines but not cross them.

Two weeks ago, he had been on a trip abroad to deal with one of those matters that were only assigned to him, and him only, because he was the strongest, but he did not feel like that now, because what exactly had you been doing two weeks ago?

“If you are trying to say we cannot both be their friends, I guess I would have to be something else then.”

Of course… Why had he not seen it coming?

I am the one stuck as a friend, aren’t I?

“Say, Dr. Ieiri, what is the medical explanation behind someone being a lightweight? I’m afraid I might be one myself.” Ikeda asked, shooting a playful smile to Gojo, which was not welcomed at the moment.

Shoko may have responded with an explanation about the various factors affecting how each person processed alcohol, but the words where muffled in Satoru’s ears because all he could hear was the beating of his own heart.

"Jeez... Can you be any ruder?"

"Yes, these are for you."

"No... I mean I like you, Satoru."

“I see.”

The pressure he was feeling in his chest, was it his heart breaking?

“Gojo, are you okay?”

No, he was not feeling okay, and he did not want to hear the voice of the man that was asking him that. He did not want to see his face either.

“Excuse me,” Satoru muttered more to himself than for anyone else and left the table.

Ieiri looked at your worried expression turned in the direction Satoru had gone. She was no fool, she had been surprised for a second too at the implications of Ikeda’s words but had not expected Gojo to seem affected.

Haruki frowned slightly. “Did I say something wrong?”

She tilted the glass she was holding in her hands, appreciating the red liquid inside.

Can't be helped. That box was long overdue for opening.

----------------------

Note: Shoutout the lovely anon I told I would post this today to if I could. For the record, I guess I meant my today (sorry!), but yeah, love you all.

Thanks for reading!

Next: Part XXIV

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[cthulhu-with-a-fez]

i started naruto a few years ago and made it to like the second arc in shippuden before stopping so i never made it to the kakashi backstory but....your notes compel me. tell me more.

okay so like take this with several grains of salt because the sum total of my sources here are "my understanding of the plot and characters as synthesized from the Abridged Revised Illustrated Edition my datemate's been writing me over the last two months", a handful of clips, and the only three (3) episodes of this 600+ episode show i've seen in my life, none of the three of which were relevant to the kakashi backstory

h o w e v e r

oh my god. my dude. my man. [holds him up like longcat] there is so much wrong with you and i'm enthralled.

so like here's the thing. here's the big takeaway that i'm understanding. this whole series is an ongoing exercise in generational trauma bullshit and everyone trying so hard to course-correct from their own tragic backstories that they accidentally set up their kids/students to have completely different but still somehow exactly the same tragic backstories, and naruto's chronic case of shounen anime power-of-friendship-itis is, i mean. yes it's him being the platonic ideal of Pure Of Heart And Dumb Of Ass but it's also a direct response to seeing ninja society's perpetual tragic backstory generator and going "this is bullshit, why are we even fighting? tell me what your side is, and i'll tell you what our side is, and then we can figure out how to make our sides the same side so none of us have to fight about it at all!" and honestly i love that but this ain't about him

so like. to explain kakashi we have to explain kakashi's father sakumo first. because sakumo was one of konoha's powerhouses, been on tons of successful missions, well-liked, well-respected, one of the earliest and loudest adopters of konoha's then-new and radical pivot towards a ninja being people first and disposable tools never ideology.

he really, genuinely believed in that.

except then he and his team went on a mission. and it went really, really badly. and he had to choose between completing the mission objective or saving his teammates' lives, and he chose their lives, because those who fail their missions may be scum, but those who abandon their teammates are worse, right?

... no, actually.

just because the ideology had been circulating and people were broadly toeing the party line didn't mean they actually believed in it, and sakumo's mission failure was already causing critical backlash.after sakumo made it back to konoha he was a fucking pariah for it. he was never officially reprimanded, but he didn't need to be if people went out of their way to personally spit at his feet, and... one day young kakashi comes home to find his father's body on the floor, wrists slit and suicide note devolving into begging apologies beside him.

this, as you may imagine, fucked him up, and didn't exactly predispose him towards believing the party line about the value of life.

he gets put on a genin team that was. basically the alpha build of the sasuke-sakura-naruto team dynamic. because it was him, and rin the healer girl with a massive crush on him who he never gave the time of day, and obito the Loudest High-Vis Uchiha Who Ever Lived who had a massive crush on her, and minato their teacher who was doing his absolute best to try and get them through to understanding each other, which is an Ordeal

because kakashi at this point has internalized that the party line is pretty lies for the gullible, that his teammates are only there to drag him down, and it drives obito nuts because that's the same exact bullshit that his family keeps spouting that he's rejected as thoroughly as a 12.9-year-old can, how does kakashi not see that it's bullshit? and there's rin who's looking at kakashi like i can fix him?? and getting upset when he doesn't let them in at all or even really visibly care that they're trying, and it's one hell of a dysfunction junction but minato is working on it.

... and then the worst happens. their team is caught out alone and everything goes wrong. rin is captured and obito's body is half-crushed under a rock and one of kakashi's eyes got slashed out and none of them are going to make it out of this, at this rate, until obito calls kakashi closer and tells him to take his eye. take the sharingan. he'd give him both but the other one got squished. kakashi will do more with it than obito ever did, so use it to save rin. please. and here's kakashi in the middle of field surgery on his dying teammate finally, horribly realizing that sometimes the win condition is, actually, protecting your friends, and he's already lost. but he can still try to save rin, it was obito's dying wish.

by the time he found her it was already too late.

the people who'd captured her had tried, poorly, hastily, messily, to seal one of the Tailed Beasts into her, and she was already dying. she had a demon thrashing in her soul that was tearing her to shreds around it and all kakashi could do was mercy kill her

and she thanked him for it.

and he goes back to konoha, sole survivor of his team, charred by the newfound comprehension of why you have to care and what it feels like to lose what you love and with obito's sharingan in his head and rin's blood on his hands and something in him that was already hanging on by a thread finally snapped.

and the only thing he could think to do, the only way he could even parse that grief through, is to just... make himself into a living memorial to them. he started trying to live as obito. adopt his mannerisms, his interests, craft his entire adult persona around his memories of his friend like a grave offering, and quarantine the bleakly mercenary anything-to-get-the-job-done ice in him off into the hound mask he wore as part of konoha's black ops division, which he joined at the ripe old age of way too fucking young.

he uses the sharingan to incredibly brutally efficient effect, copying enemy jutsus and bringing them back until the library's overflowing with them. but in the end, no matter how many he can technically use, they're still just cheap copies. and so is he.

and in the meantime the uchiha are collectively losing their shit about this random outside kid having one of their eyes in his head and getting all kinds of dubious 'glory' with it, and oh, wouldn't you look at that, they have a prodigy too!

... yeah.

itachi gets shoved through the rank advancements on a timeframe of "whatever he did you have to do it faster and better." and then the kyuubi broke free. and minato and kushina died, and a fuckton of the home guard uchiha died, and suddenly he's the most able-bodied fighter in their clan overnight at age 11 and the uchiha pull strings to get him into ANBU as well.

and kakashi is his teammate.

kakashi is his teammate and kakashi sees in itachi a whole awful lot of the edges of the way kakashi used to be, sees itachi trying to live up to and embody the absolutely impossible ideal of the perfect ninja, and he tries so god damn hard to nudge him gently towards something, anything, other than that.

but in the meantime, the uchiha have been... scheming. with danzo, Guy With The World's Biggest Chip On His Shoulder About Not Being Hokage, who's been marinating in a paranoia spiral for years. danzo had tried to set himself up as kakashi's palpatine, and tried to get him to assassinate hiruzen, and kakashi hears him out, and turns right around and goes to hiruzen with it instead, and danzo is pissed. the uchiha are pissed. danzo warns hiruzen that they're almost definitely going to try again and they're gonna make the uchihas' little prodigy do it this time, and kakashi silently braces to have to fight and maybe kill his teammate he was trying so hard for, and then...

and then itachi, who'd been watching his clan get. worse. for a long time. finds his cousin shisui, his best friend shishui, bleeding out in the dirt, who tells him everything, tells him danzo tried to have shisui killed for finding it out, and it worked, he's dying, but he's not dead yet, so please. make it count.

.......................................... And Then The Uchiha Massacre.

and now itachi is one more person that kakashi tried to care about who got destroyed.

and then fast forward a little bit further, he's been retired from active-duty ANBU after a decade-plus of service because the sharingan is starting to burn him out, he's starting to lurch to a halt like unwound clockwork without something to Do, and... he gets given team seven. the worst of konoha's gremlin children.

a bitter, disillusioned loner with a chip on his shoulder and the skill to back it up, the healer girl with a crush on him that he never gives the time of day, and the Loudest High-Vis Pest In The Village.

you see where this is going.

kakashi who at this point has been coasting along by bouncing between mask-personae for years is now having to dynamically engage with life again because if he isn't present and actively responding to his team then there's a nonzero chance he'll turn around to find all three of them chewing on the drywall and he cannot default to scripted responses because they don't work on a pack of middle schoolers hellbent on squabbling til the cows come home. and it's kind of good for him?

but also, uh. [gestures broadly towards... Sasuke(TM) and the rest of the plot]

and yeah i'm not gonna get too much further into it because i'm not confident enough in my own comprehension of the timeline to do that XD but like.

hatake kakashi is a scarecrow of a man stitched together out of his dead best friend, a hunting hound, and his dead best friend again, who's spent his entire life behind one mask or another, who over the course of the series keeps surviving shit that by all odds he shouldn't have, or survives specifically because the people he cares about throw their plot armor around him before they die, and he has a personality mostly composed of the crumpled-up pages of the memetically worst-written trashy bodice-ripper novels ever published because obito used to love them and the inexplicable receipts of other people's love for him, and i want to put him in a gas station hot dog roller and perceive him.

thank you for coming to my ted talk XD

[asongofstarkandtargaryen]

Jon Snow: Blood of Winterfell

Qhorin Halfhand, Jon's mentor and superior officer is the first person who refers Jon as the blood of Winterfell. He's reminding Jon who he is: a man of the Night's Watch and a Stark ( despite lacking the surname). According to Halfhand, these identifications are enough to make him trust Jon to make the right decision when it comes to dealing with the Wilding they have captured ( aka Ygritte).

Jon's throat was raw. He looked at them all helplessly. "She yielded herself to me".

"Then you must do what needs to be done", Qhorin Halfhand said. "You are the blood of Winterfell and a man of the Night's Watch". He looked at the others. "Come, brothers. Leave him to it. It will go easier to him if we do not watch".

ACOK, JON VI

We know that Qhorin was testing Jon, wanting to find out more about his character. And the fact that he let Ygritte go instead of executing her, spoke volumes about Jon's gentle heart.

The second time Jon is referred as blood of Winterfell it's Ygritte the one who calls him so. It makes sense for her to parroting what she heard from Qhorin's earlier speech because by that moment she didn't really know Jon herself.

"Get him up". Rough hands dragged him to his feet. Jon did not resist. "Do you have a name?"

Ygritte answered for him. " His name is Jon Snow. He is Eddard Stark's blood, of Winterfell".

ACOK, JON VIII

Ygritte highlights Jon's connection to the lord of Winterfell in her attempt to save him from the death. And it's fitting that the girl who he saved, tried ( and succeed!) to save him in return.

Fast forward a book, and Jon has fallen in love with Ygritte but leaves her in order to defend the Night's Watch ( and Westeros) from the Free Folk attack.

While he has a fever due to his injuries he dreams of her.

When the dreams took him, he found himself back home once more, splashing in the hot pools beneath a huge white weirwood that had his father's face. Ygritte was with him, laughing at him, shedding her skins until she was naked as her name day, trying to kiss him, but he couldn't, not with his father watching. He was the blood of Winterfell, a man of the Night's Watch. I will not father a bastard, he told her. I will not. I will not.

ASOS, JON VI

Jon refuses to give in Ygritte's charm in his dream since his father is watching.Jon looks up to his father, puts him on a pedestrial and he's always afraid he will not be prove to be a worthy son of him. Could he be a bigger disappointment than abandoning his oath and bedding an enemy instead of defending the realm and his home? His father here symbolises everything Jon believes sacred, everything he fights for.

Make no mistake, Jon is still deeply in love with Ygritte - and he will continue to be for a long time, even after her death. He doesn't reject her out of lack of love. He rejects her because his love for his family and his new brothers ( the people he protects as a Night's Watch brother) wins . He rejects her because his desire to prove he's a worthy son of Eddard Stark wins.