#[[ and Vi's rejections / abandonment ]]

[brionysea]

I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something

[countlessrealities]

Memories of my childhood

Bold all that apply to your muse. Repost, don't reblog ! TW: contains mentions of abuse / neglect / death / trauma

scraped knees, silent tears in a locked room,  slamming doors,  pervasive loneliness,  a dog barking, rain on a metal roof,  flinching at movement,  the creak of an old house,  forced laughter,  wandering in the dark woods,  wondering how you made it through,  sudden loss,  trying to make sense of the noise,  hiding what you love to protect it,  trying to explain but your words falter,  invaded privacy,  confusion at the pain,  running barefoot in the grass,  wondering what you did wrong and coming up with nothing,  realizing you aren’t a priority,   grass stains on white clothing,  trying to earn love you will never have,  being threatened over the smallest mistake,  secrets you are warned not to share,  the feeling of never being good enough,  the hope things might someday get better,  grief that aches in your bones,  childish dares and pranks,  the sense that your body isn’t yours,  shame and guilt that aren’t yours to carry,  sledding down a frozen hill,  absentmindedly following snakes through the grass,  punching a tree until your knuckles bleed,  tears over every dead creature you find,  searching out small places you can hide… just in case,  climbing the tallest tree so they can’t touch you,  the feeling of something tainted under your skin,  a curious child told to stop asking,  floral dresses,  body tensing at approaching footsteps,  anger with nowhere to go,  brief escapes from the chaos,  the purr of a contented cat,  taking the blame to keep the peace,  being told you’re too sensitive,  the creaking springs of a trampoline on a sunny day

tagged by: @vastayan--vigilante [[ thank you!! ]] tagging: Steal it from me !

[sapphiresaphics]

The biggest misunderstanding about Caitlyn from fans actually comes from season 1, not 2. Fans see Caitlyn break Vi out of prison and talk to Ekko about empathy and think that she’s learning and growing as a character and then when season 2 hits they think all that growth was somehow “abandoned” or “reversed.”

But that’s not true.

Caitlyn has ALWAYS been a spoiled little rich girl who came from a family of rich people who are so used to how much power they have in the city that they don’t regard ANYONE’S feelings or respect ANY rules. Both Marcus and Salow spell this out to us.

Marcus: “She’s a Kiramman! Just like them she does what she wants! I can’t control her!”

Salow: “It’s the name! It bewitches people.”

Time skip Caitlyn is introduced investigating the botched Jinx job at the shipping docks. She is not an official detective and Marcus makes it clear she isn’t supposed to be there. She’s supposed to be guarding her family’s pavilion, but she ignored both her mother’s AND the sheriff’s wishes to investigate a crime because she’s bored.

She breaks Vi out of prison AFTER she’s been effectively laid-off by Marcus, using her connections to Jayce to forge her release papers. Reminder: at this point in the story she is technically not a cop anymore. She’s doing all this stuff with noble intentions of trying to uncover Silco and bring Jinx to justice… but what she’s doing is technically illegal. And the only reason she’s able to get away with it is because she’s a spoiled rich BRAT.

Her privilege shields her from repercussions in season 1, just as they do in season 2.

The difference is that she’s now been traumatized by Jinx. Her bodily autonomy was violated by Jinx kidnapping her when she was literally naked in the shower, she was most likely tortured by Jinx, was tied up and painted on, threatened to be executed at gun point by Jinx, and then to top it all off Jinx murders her mother in a terrorist attack.

And Caitlyn tries to hold it all in. She tries to confide with Vi, she tries to let her hatred go… but both times she is denied her the ability to grieve properly. First by her privilege and not understanding that asking Vi to become an Enforcer would be rejected. And then by Ambessa by funding the attack on the memorial service.

She has no parental figure to guide her, her rage and hatred for Jinx is boiling over… so she resorts to what she always does and what she did back in season 1. She just does what she wants to get her way. She convinces Jayce to develop hextech weapons, she assumes the role of leader for house Kiramman, and she uses her unique position in power to bend systems her family put in place to protect Zaun against them.

Caitlyn in season 2 is very much the same Caitlyn we’ve always known from season 1. The difference is that in season 1 we were rooting for her because we like Vi. She exhausted the same disrespect for authority and people back then but they were in service of things we, the audience, liked. So we gave her a pass. We excused her rule breaking. We ignored her unique brand of privilege because we liked what her privilege could unlock for us.

Season 2 slams that door shut and tells us “no, actually, you weren’t supposed to like this because nobody in power is innocent.”

But rather than learn more about Caitlyn and understand her character better… people are dismiss this all as “bad writing” or “character assassination.”

And what’s more frustrating is the whole “dictator arc.” Because frankly I would argue that by that point Caitlyn HAS learned her lesson about privilege and power, but it’s too late to stop things now. Just as Jayce going vigilante in season 1 was the start of a cataclysmic event, Caitlyn gassing Zaun to look for Jinx results in Caitlyn losing everyone she trusts and respects. Broken up with Vi and alone, she is suddenly granted even MORE power than she’s ever had by Ambessa. And you can see it affect her. In that moment she realizes that Ambessa is the one who spearheaded the attack on the memorial. After seeing what happened between her and Vi, she realizes that by taking this role she will be responsible for even greater atrocities.

She has 2 choices. Let it all go, or use the position of power to her advantage. And just like before in season 1… she chooses the later. Her goal may still be to get Jinx, but she does NOT want to be a part of Ambessa’s dictatorship. This is why she’s so reluctant to join even with all the peer pressure. This is why she’s so slow and hesitant to walk forward. And she only accepts the cape she is crowned with once Ambessa says “your mother will have justice.”

What’s most important about this scene is that SHE KNOWS Ambessa is using her. That’s why when we see her in Act 2 she’s already trying to counter Ambessa’s plans. That’s why she’s constantly challenging Ambessa with “why is peace always the excuse for violence?” That’s why when Ambessa says “you don’t trust me?” Caitlyn responds with a resounding “no.” And that’s why when Vi drops back into her life she realizes she has an opportunity to correct her mistakes. She doesn’t switch on a dime because Vi fluttered her eyes and called her “cupcake.” She switches because she was already looking for an out. And this is why when Vi confronts her in Act 3 she screams “I KNOW.”

Caitlyn’s arc is that of someone who always had privilege and power coming to realize too late how dangerous and harmful that power is. By the time she learns her lesson she’s already entrenched with Ambessa and stuck in this hateful miasma for Jinx. Season 1 was setup for what was going to follow with how her character was going to learn and atone for her mistakes.

And what’s so god damn frustrating about all the discourse around Caitlyn is how reductive and dismissive it all is. So much of the discourse completely ignores the actions she takes to fix things in favor of trumping up the actions she took to get there. All of her transgressions in season 1 are ignored and her own internalized growth is reduced to a joke about Vi calling her cupcake. It’s MADDENING.

[thenationofzaun]

Underneath the joke here, there is actually something compelling to be explored. The idea of "Jinx" being so notorious that she's mythologized. The myth being a hyper exaggeration of all her infamous traits, until it strays far from what the real Jinx is actually like. A spin on the whole "League of Legends" thing. The show did attempt to play into this theme with the openings. The way Season 1's opening depicts statues carved of stone, showing them as heroes and legendary figures, then Season 2's opening depicts them as human, stripped down to their underclothes. But the show could have done much more with this than a simple joke about an enforcer thinking the real criminal mastermind would never wear circus pants.

Imagine people telling stories of the dangerous criminal Jinx, but exaggerating certain details about her. Saying her nails are long and pointed as talons, her braids drag behind her on the ground, her teeth are sharp as a shark's, her bullets never miss, she is utterly without feeling or mercy, a spectre come to haunt and destroy Piltover. Imagine Piltovians viewing her as a horror story, and Zaunites viewing her as a dark hero, their vengeance against Piltover. Of course, the real Jinx likes painting her nails bright pink, let her father braid her pigtails, has a small tooth gap, misses her shots often, and feels way too much. The idea of both cities taking this girl and turning her into a legend, stripping away all her human qualities and projecting all their own fears and desires onto her is so interesting. Jinx, Piltover's ruin and Jinx, Zaun's revenge. Instead of Jinx the human.

Imagine Jayce meeting her. He never met her in the entire show's run which I feel is a missed opportunity. She was the catalyst of so much of his story in Season 1. It was her who broke into his lab, stole his gemstone and research. She defaced his entire lab, putting her grafitti and monkey symbols everywhere to taunt him. He spent the entirety of Season 1 worried sick that she would find a way to weaponize the gemstone. Her massacre of the enforcers on the bridge traumatized and sickened him. He demanded that she be locked up in exchange for Zaun's independence. I wonder how he imagines her? Does he picture a grown woman? Someone his age or older? Someone devoid of emotion or humanity? Imagine if he finally met her, this person who has caused him so much distress, and he sees an ill teenage girl. Baby fat on her cheeks and chipped nail polish.

Vi's story could have mirrored this too, losing her own identity while her sister sinks herself into her "Jinx" persona. Feeling abandoned and betrayed by Zaun, she rejects it and falls into Caitlyn's (Piltover's) arms. Becoming absorbed and assimilated into the city, losing connection to her real roots. Piltover taking advantage of her strength and exploiting it against Zaun. Turning her into their weapon, one of their enforcers. Using her as a diversity hire, the token trencher to prove how kind and not at all oppressive the enforcers are. Vi losing her own humanity as she makes The Piltover Enforcer her new identity and lets herself be engulfed by it, the way her sister does with her Jinx identity. Both cities taking these sisters and turning them into symbols. The sisters being dehumanized but letting it happen because they feel they have no other path or that they deserve it. But underneath Jinx and Piltover's Enforcer, are two broken young women.

[2xxelaa9]

Vi deserves none of the hate people give her and I'll die on that hill.

"She created Powder's trauma and abandoned her". No she didn't ? Did we watch the same show ? If anyone, Mylo made Powder feel like she was worthless, Vi had always lifted her up, she just asked her to stay behind that one day because she didn't want to lose her, which is super legit ? If she had brought Powder, everything could have turned out the same and everyone would have been like "it was so wrong for her to bring her very young sister in this". Like ??

And then she blames Powder for what happened but immediately regrets it and just walks a few meters to cool off. Yes, she snapped, but nobody's perfect, and she was just a child ? Why would anyone expect her to act as a grown and mature adult ? She had just lost everyone and lost her shit for maybe one minute and that's it. When she saw that her sister was in danger, she immediately went back for her but was stopped by Marcus. And she then ended up in jail, at maybe 15 years old, getting the shit beaten out of her for 7 years while thinking that everyone she ever cared about was dead. She is as traumatized and Jinx is. They just don't manifest it the same way. Let's not forget that during those 7 years, Jinx had a support system, Silco, someone to turn to even if everything was very far from perfect and that he was using her. She still had someone. Vi was alone, in a dark cell, getting beaten up every other day.

Until Caitlyn came and broke her out. The reason she accepted to talk to her was because Caitlyn showed her drawings that resembled her sister's !! She went with her to find Powder!! She even ditched Cait at the first occasion she got (in the brothel) to get the information from Sevika. And then the first occasion she got, she went to find her.

And then again, at the bridge, she left everyone to go find her sister, and went back for her friends because they were being blown up by Jinx's bombs. And then, Jinx lost it and fired that machine gun at her and Cait, and just then, it was the first time that Vi chose Caitlyn over Jinx in that moment. Because she had fired a damn machine gun at her. I mean, if my sister fired this at me, I'd probably run away too.

Then Vi's objective becomes to take down Silco to get her sister back from him (because one can argue that he was a nice and caring father figure, I still think that he was still using Jinx as a bomb maker, even if he cared for her. She was working for him.)

Next thing we know, Vi gets kidnapped by Jinx and spends the whole scene trying to convince her that she loves her deeply, she even suggests that they could run away far from Zaun and Piltover just the two of them and forget everyone else. It all goes down to shit when Caitlyn frees herself and starts threatening Jinx. Then Jinx kills Silco, nukes the Council, then probably disappears. And the only person she can hold on to is Caitlyn. Why ? Because since the beginning, Vi isn't interested in helping Cait find proof against Silco, she just wanted to find her sister. And despite Vi leaving, getting hurt and everything, Cait stayed besides her. She went to save her when Sevika stabbed her, she followed her when Vi ran after the blue smoke Jinx lit up in the sky, she tried to held her back in that "Oil and water" scene. So of course Vi stayed. Cait had proved her worth to her countless times. She even held back from killing Jinx (which had already committed terrorist actions, killed enforcers, firelights and probably many others).

Vi had nobody else to turn to. Literally. Everyone was dead, and Jinx had rejected her. And Caitlyn still didn't reject Vi, even after her sister killed her mother.

Of course Vi was going to stay by Caitlyn's side. It was the only person somehow caring for her. Even acknowledging her existence.

"But she became an enforcer and it was against everything she stood for". Again, have we all seen the same show ? Vi disagreed to Caitlyn's proposition. It was when Maddie met her that she told her she was "happy that she joined the enforcers". Caitlyn had enlisted her and didn't leave Vi a choice in that. Vi went along because she trusted Caitlyn and she only ever fought in Caitlyn's team. Vi was ready to let Cait end Jinx, because for her, Everything good in her sister was gone. There was nothing else to save. But when she saw Isha, it was not just her wanting to save the child, but also a part of her seeing Powder again. She saw that her sister was still capable of love and compassion. So she stopped Caitlyn.

And then Caitlyn hit her and left her. Again. At this point, everyone in the show had abandoned her. she was all alone, except for Loris who eventually also gave up on her.

Then Jinx went to find her again to save Vander. Then Vi started to gain hope again. Making plans with Jinx for the future. "Maybe we could stay here, help them out". Then shit went down again and Isha died (note : Vi's first reflex was to save her sister in that moment). Then Jinx surrendered, Cait locked her up and Vi went to free her sister. Who then proceeded to leave her again, hitting her in the spot that hurt her the most (both physically and emotionally). Let's note that in that scene, Vi called her "Jinx" and not Powder. It proved her that she loved her for who she was now. She loved Jinx.

Vi had again lost everything. She even thought she had lost Caitlyn by going against her orders again. She was even left alone in that cell, locked up, with no one she cared about, expecting another beating from life. She had come back to the point zero of everything. The concrete cell, the loneliness, the feeling of having failed everyhting and everyone.

But Caitlyn walked in and let her know that she had helped her free Jinx. That she trusted her enough to leave her desire for justice and revenge behind her because she knew how much Vi cared for her sister. And that was the first time in the whole show that anyone had made something for Vi. Hell, it must have been the first time in the show Vi might have felt loved. Like, think about it. Vi then let herself have one moment with Caitlyn, because she had started to become tired of being rejected and hurt by everyone. She had one single moment. And everyone blames her for that and says she's a terrible sister, when it's clearly not the case and has never been.

Time for the war. They fight. Then Vi sees Vander. Her first reflex is to try and save him again. Because she just loves her family so deeply she can't actually help it. And then Jinx sacrifices herself to save Vi. Have you really heard Vi's scream ? It's the most devastating sound and scream that we ever heard on this show. It even echoed louder than the actual explosion. Vi loved her sister so so so much.

With all that, I don't get how people can hate her. She just suffered so so much throughout the show. She is just a little love ball that constantly gets kicked by everyone. She did deserve that somewhat happy ending. I'm so tired of seeing Vi slander.

Also, props to the writers for breaking the doomed lesbian cycle. For once we got a win. Hurray !

[silvercat-s]

How would Silco react to Jinx calling him father or dad?

OKAY 

I'll give you the short answer first, so feel free to stop here if you don’t want to see me rambling nonsense for the next ten paragraphs: Before the events of season 1, he would probably freeze and pretend he didn't hear it, all while panicking internally and refusing to acknowledge just how happy and proud that makes him. After the finale, if he had somehow survived?  Just sheer happiness and relief, and he and jinx would be crying on each other arms. 

Allow me to explain  

Despite Silco behaving like Jinx’s father in every way that matters —whether it means going out of his way to comfort her in her moments of doubt or jumping to her defense when she is criticized, and that dynamic being something obvious to those closest to him, like Sevika and the chembarons, I don't believe for a second Silco ever referred to Jinx as his daughter out loud before, nor do I think Jinx ever felt secure enough in their relationship to call him dad.

I always felt like their relationship before the finale, while close, had some sort of emotional barrier. Silco is a broken man with deep-seated abandonment issues, I think he would avoid admitting, even to himself, just how much Jinx means to him. Acknowledging that would make him vulnerable, it would mean confronting his fear of being betrayed and abandoned again.   

And for the longest time, he didn’t have to. He had no reason to reflect on their bond, no reason to fear losing her. why should he? She works for him. she has no one else. she belongs to him. Everything was perfect the way it was...and then Vi gets out of prison.  

His whole world starts falling apart. He can’t pretend he’s not afraid of losing Jinx anymore, of her abandoning him for Vi. He starts spiraling. That’s why we see him act so manipulatively when she confronts him over lying, he’s desperate! and It's in this moment of desperation that he says "I'm your family"

And then by the time the dinner party happens, Silco has almost lost Jinx at the bridge, he’s had everything he’s ever wanted offered to him on a silver platter, yet found himself unable to give her up. and he has finally said the word out loud for the first time “is there anything as undoing as a daughter?” at Vander's statue no less, he has fully accepted what Jinx means to him.

When Silco tells Jinx “You’re my daughter, I would never forsake you” he nods to himself and almost chuckles, as if the words are so obvious to him now that he can’t believe he’s never said them before. And on Jinx’s part, it’s clear that hearing this means a lot to her.

What really stood out to me in the script of Silco's death scene was the line “Jinx, with the affirmation of love she’s always wanted ringing in her ears” referring to his last words to her. This admission of love is something she’s always longed for from him, she probably never had the courage to call him dad or to ask what she meant to him— Jinx, like Silco, fears rejection and abandonment. And for the first time, she has that confirmation, the emotional barrier between them is fully down.

That only adds to the tragedy of their bond, Silco only able to admit to both her and himself how important she truly is after all those years, and Jinx only realizing his love for her when he’s dying from the wounds she inflicted.

I do believe that if Silco had survived, they would have started to build a proper family relationship.

That's why I'm so upset they wouldn't let Jinx refer to Silco as her dad in season 2. I feel like her reasons for hesitating to call him that were completely resolved in the finale. Silco already called her his daughter, and Jinx now fully understands she was deeply loved by him. It's like the writers completely disregarded everything about the finale, their relationship and what it meant for Jinx's character going in season 2.

[mothknight42]

on the guide, writing women in wwdits, and that ending

I firmly believe the Guide is the one of the most wasted, underutilized, and massacred characters in the show, and the series finale only confirms this. So let's talk about why!

The Guide is interesting as a character study in regression; when we first see her, despite being a lackey for the Vampiric Council, she is quite powerful and assertive. She has no issue telling off our main Vamily (insert Colin Robinson smile to camera here) and we see her in S3 repeatedly fixing the messes everyone causes at the Council all while bemoaning her position. Sure, she is a joke to our main vampires at best, and a nuisance at worst, but she does have power and clout and a voice.

Then when S4 roles around, we finally get some legitimate backstory for her. She used to be a "messy" vampire, and her current uptight personality is essentially a dramatic 360 after suppressing all of her raunchiest memories and being forced into eternal servitude. This is interesting! Even more interesting is how she changes in response to learning this about herself - we see her reject Guillermo despite her passion because she isn't that person anymore ..... and become entirely wrapped up in serving Nadja.

While she is technically the butt of the joke for the whole Vamily, she becomes most clearly Nadja's kicked dog. She vies for Nadja's attention, friendship, and approval. We see her constantly trailing Nadja and helping her with the nightclub in various ways. And of course, we see how Nadja derides her, dismisses her, and on occasion, throws her a pathetic bone (such as 'gifting' her the vial box during the Wraith Union episode). By this point, we as the audience KNOW the Guide is quite powerful and capable in her own right; and yet, here she is, nipping at Nadja's heels like a lost puppy and desperately trying to be included.

In many ways, the Guide is set up very directly as a foil for Guillermo, with Nadja as her master (MISTRESS NADJA!!!). Both Guillermo and the Guide are powerful and unique in their own right, both more intelligent than the other vampires in many cases, and yet, both are seeking acceptance from those same vampires who treat them like dirt. It is good writing! And a good way to establish that despite Guillermo's dreams of becoming a vampire, it will not guarantee him the love and acceptance he is seeking from Nandor and the rest.

And then the writers almost completely abandon it. We get very little commiseration between Guillermo and the Guide post her rejection of him, and instead as Guillermo becomes more clearly loved and accepted and PROTECTED by the Vamily, the Guide is shoved in his place as the butt of many "not you" jokes. There is no clear purpose given for this beyond that the writers find it funny; after all, the Guide herself is no longer the uptight pencil pusher we meet her as, so the Vamily's repeated rejection of her just feels like a cheap gag - one that gets less and less funny as time goes on, since the Guide IS often included in Vamily hijinks. Clearly she is ALLOWED to be around them, so the hate directed to her feels forced for a cheap laugh rather than having some legitimate purpose.

And then all of this culminates in Morrigan Manor, right? An excellent episode that shows the Guide's true personality (she is fun! she is clever! she listens to the interests of the Vamily and cares about them!) as well as how hurt she is to be rejected by them (rejected by Nadja specifically - we will come back to that). She doesn't imprison Guillermo and draws a direct connection between the way she is treated and the way they treat him ...... but while Guillermo has spent the season in cahoots with Nadja/Colin/Laszlo, who have hidden his secret to protect him and have proved they care about him, the Guide gets none of that. She gets false closure via a handpicked clip that turns out to be another joke at her expense! And for no good reason! She has now spent three seasons proving she wants to be and can be a good friend to them, that as a vampire she is powerful and useful to them, her personal interests (painting and maintaining archives) are things the other vampires also show interest in ....... and yet!

I've seen arguments that the Vamily are "selective" about their friendships, that friendship is the most meaningful thing for vampires, that the Guide *wanting* to be their friend is why they won't let her, but I'm sorry, no. All of the vampires make plenty of friends, if not with other vampires than with humans throughout the seasons. One of the longest running arcs in the show is that of Sean with Laszlo, and we see how both Nandor and Nadja accommodate that friendship without real question or pushback. Even in Pine Barrens, the problem Nandor has is not that Laszlo likes Sean better, it is that Laszlo has been neglecting Nandor. Nandor just wants to be INCLUDED in guy time; he tries to connect with Sean himself and has no real issue with the guy!

The Guide isn't accepted into the Vamily, despite actively helping them for four seasons, because the writers think it is funnier for her to be the new Guillermo - except without ANY character arc or importance. She is the cheap gag they can trot out whenever necessary, and the series finale really leans hard into that by both making her a parody of a Trump supporter for a quick laugh (a joke that by and large just wasn't funny and felt extremely out of place in the series - even beyond the optics of making that kind of joke, it felt lazy and was only aiming for a shock value laugh) and making her body into a commodity for the Monster to lust over. She is stripped of much of her agency and anger for no real purpose. The only shining moment for her this season, her rejection of Nandor, feels like a breath of fresh air that is immediately forgotten about in favor of making her into the woman who gets shit on and ignored for laughs.

The Guide could have been used for anything. Anything! She is older than some of the Vamily, has a very fun hinted at backstory, has different powers and a disposition to the rest of the main cast - and is played by KRISTEN SCHAAL, a veritable comedy icon at this point. And yet, she is shoved to the background, only brought out into the forefront for a cheap joke at her expense - a joke that stopped being funny seasons ago.

All of which has to do with the show's inability to write women.

Nadja, a main character for god's sake, by the end of the show is turned into a dumb angry woman caricature - her arc, of trying to find her own voice and purpose amidst a household of narcissistic men, is cast aside in favor of cheap jokes about not 'getting' humans, despite spending five previous seasons being shown as extremely competent with humans. Her and Laszlo's strife this season feels like it is solely in service to Laszlo's arc surrounding his desire for creation/fatherhood while doing nothing to further Nadja's own arc of self actualization. (Side note: I know a lot of people disliked them fighting this season and said it came out of nowhere, but that isn't true; as far back as the Bloody Mary episode, we see Laszlo trying to 'protect' Nadja and her being exasperated with him - the problem this season is that it doesn't feel like Nadja gets any real agency in Laszlo's concern for her. Every time she tries to put up a boundary, he steamrolls over it with grand declarations of his love. It sucks!) Post the Nightclub arc, Nadja's character loses steam and she exists solely to further other character's arcs, while her own goals and dreams and plans are abandoned. Dolly's entire existence was about trying to help Nadja find purpose, something Nadja nor the viewers ever get closure on!

The WWDITS writer's room is seemingly allergic to writing women beyond making them jokes or commodities for men. Despite multiple seemingly self aware meta jokes in series about Nadja hating other women because she is a woman, about the men in the house being misogynistic and obnoxious, the writer's over and over entrench these annoying and backwards and LAZY tropes, all while giving characters like Colin Robinson and Laszlo legitimate arcs and serious moments of personhood and reflection that are not immediately cheapened by a joke. Laszlo has not one but TWO seasons dedicated to working through his daddy issues by becoming a father himself, something that in my humble opinion (while not done perfectly) was clearly given some thought and care that we never really see with Nadja post S3.

So it is no surprise that the Guide is just completely wasted, though it is a shame. An easy to write arc would have been exploring a possible attraction between the Guide and Nadja (once again, a fun foil to Guillermo and Nandor!!) especially because it is clear that the Guide does have feelings for Nadja. In the clipshow in Morrigan Manor, despite all of the Vamily being cruel to her, the only clips are of Nadja. The Guide is eager to run away with Nadja (sorry, Sally!) and she spends all of S4 doing Nadja's bidding for seemingly just her approval. (But of course, the show is allergic to portraying anything gay unless it is a joke, and doubly so for anything even remotely sapphic).

Hell, S6 could have been an arc between the Guide and Nadja becoming legitimate friends and working together to help Guillermo at Cannon; after all, the Guide has spent years working in an 'office' like environment, and Nadja has experience with humans. We saw that they worked fine together during the nightclub era - post Morrigan Manor why not show them growing together and finding a purpose outside of the Council and outside of the Vamily, something that both the Guide and Nadja would benefit from as characters? Why not a female comedy duo, since we always get the men paired together for hijinks?

But that would require treating Nadja and the Guide as characters worthy of arcs, which the writers clearly did not want to do. That would require treating women as people with interiority, which the writers clearly do not.

I give so many props to Natasia for working with bare minimum in later seasons, and clearly trying to give Nadja a sense of self and purpose even when the writers were actively working against it. And I give props to Kristen for making the Guide into a fan favorite despite everything the writers did to make her into a nothing burger. It is a shame and tragedy that even in 2024 on a long running comedy show, the idea of women being funny enough to carry their own stories and arcs is clearly still too farfetched to be brought to reality.

[astral-herald]

viktor and jinx inevitably lashing out at jayce and vi (respectively) for being sanctimonious and looking down on them. viktor and jinx finding camaraderie in having been abandoned by their once biggest supporters. viktor and jinx rejecting piltover supremacy. viktor and jinx becoming fellow outsiders in arms. viktor and jinx being crazy science buddies.

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part VIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII

----------------------

“Don’t tell me you’re scared, Suguru.” Satoru smirked at his friend, who rolled his eyes in response.

“As if I would lose to you.” Suguru passed him the ball. “Give it your best.”

Satoru was aiming for the hoop when Shoko arrived at the basketball court just in time to see him miss the shot.

Geto laughed at him. “Yeah, I'm terrified,” he said sarcastically. “If you need support, maybe Shoko can join your team.”

“Heck no,” the girl said with a light smirk on her face as she sat down on the floor.

“It’s still a tie, isn’t it?” Gojo retrieved the ball and passed it back to Suguru. He then looked at Shoko. “Where is [name]?”

She lifted her gaze to meet Gojo’s easy smile. “I think they went out.”

Satoru knew you had plans, but he had figured you would come and check on him and Suguru before leaving. That was what you always did after they returned from a mission in which you had not been included, and he would do the same for you in the rare occasions you were not sent with him.

“With that guy from the coffee shop?” Gojo turned to Suguru’s voice. He had left the ball on the floor and joined Shoko.

Shoko nodded and another smaller, even softer smile started forming on her lips. “I think so.”

Geto had meant no malice with his question, but with the number of times you had escaped the school grounds to go to the city, and how often you had mentioned your new friend and talked about the many things you had in common, he had finally picked up on what all of Shoko’s teasing was about. To him, it looked like you were excited about your new friend, the same way kids in elementary school would be ecstatic every time they met someone who matched their likes and energy.

“Again, huh?” Satoru picked up the ball Suguru had abandoned, and threw it again. This time it went right through the hoop. He did not chase after it.

Unfortunately, Satoru was still much like a child as well, and he did not seem so happy about being detached of his position as your closest and most exciting friend. He was used to being the one you would go out with, laugh the most with and tell all the news about the things you liked, even if he did not share the same interests. Thinking about you doing that with someone else... it just did not feel right.

“I don’t get what's so great about him, though.” Suguru noticed how his friend's mood had changed by his tone.

Shoko saw the ball Satoru had thrown bounce away.

“They have a lot in common, and he is actually nice,” she commented.

Ieiri was not trying to be mean. In fact, she felt a bit bad for Gojo. Since Ikeda had entered your social circle, you had been spending a significant part of your free time with him. You would still spend time with her here and there, so it had not really been enough for her to miss you, but she realized that, for Gojo, who was used to being around you most of the time, that was probably not enough.

He's used to the whole feast, and you are feeding him crumbles.

“It’s good they are having fun,” Suguru supported.

“Yeah, I guess,” Satoru mumbled.

What Satoru had really wanted to say was that the four of you would always have the most fun together. You had other friends, he knew that, but you had never seemed so... captivated by any of them. Could it be you were not having fun with him anymore?

Suguru’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Are they...dating?”

The question had been directed to Shoko, but it was Satoru the one who froze in place. That possibility had not crossed his mind.

"I mean, how do you know you like someone like... you know... romantically?" Your voice echoed in his head.

Had you been talking about that guy?

Ieiri shrugged. “It’s not my place to say. Wouldn’t Gojo know?” Her look in Satoru’s direction indicated she was passing the question to him.

“They are not,” the white-haired boy replied too quickly.

Maybe he had answered what he wanted to believe, but you would have told him if that were the case, right? Because you would not hide that from him, right?

***

“Satoru, do you remember Ikeda?”

You had held it in for too long. Once you started talking, the words burst out faster than you could think them through. You told him everything about how you had reencountered with Haruki; the shampoo, the store, him living abroad, Osaka, Tokyo, the book he had lent you, everything.

In a strange way, it felt as if you were coming clean about an infidelity, which did not make any sense, so you ignored that thought.

I didn't do anything wrong. Not telling him things makes me feel guilty, that's all.

But what was stranger was that Gojo listened to you in complete silence.

“...So that’s what I wanted to tell you.” You held your breath.

Satoru's expression was the perfect definition of poker face, and you felt like he was going to call all your bets off any second.

However, his reaction shocked you.

“I see... Well, then are you ready to go? The movie will start soon.” He stood up, still looking at you.

“What?” Did he even listen? “I mean, y-yes, I’m ready, but…” He was already marching away from you.

“Hm?” He tilted his head.

Was he really not going to say anything? You had said all of that aloud, had you not? You blinked once, twice.

“Nothing... Let’s go.” You followed after him.

***

Satoru had been rather quiet on your way to the theater, and even quieter during the movie, which, while being socially expected from the public during any type of performance, was unusual on him. And now, he was barely looking your way, fully devoted to his ice cream.

You held your own ice cream to your lips and kept an eye on the man sitting next to you.

He said nothing; yet why do I feel like we are not okay?

Satoru looked at you. “Not hungry?”

“Too much popcorn, I guess. Do you want it?” You offered him your ice cream and he took it with the same smile he would always have when accepting anything you had not eaten.

More silence followed.

Once he finished, he placed his hands on the table.

“What did you think about the movie?” you asked, itching for conversation. Quiet Satoru was a scary Satoru.

“It was good,” he replied without looking at you. His eyes were scanning the few other customers at the ice cream shop; a family ordering at the counter, two young girls at the next table, and a couple sitting farther away.

He wondered if you two also looked like a couple. Probably not now, he thought, we are not even talking much. If anything, we look like a couple having a silent fight.

He knew he was being stiff in comparison to what he was always like around you, but he could not help it. It was not only that Ikeda Haruki had returned unexpectedly or that you and he had been seeing each other over the past weeks. What truly disturbed Gojo was that you had not mentioned a word about it until now.

He did not want to think of what kind of relationship you had with Ikeda now, but he had thought you told each other pretty much everything. If you were ‘seeing’ someone, in whatever way it was, what did it mean that you had kept it from him for so long?

***

“Doesn’t he have to work or something?” Satoru was glaring at Ikeda, who was at another table and whose hand was resting too close to yours.

Your classmates had gone to pick you up to have dinner together, but when Shoko saw you sitting at a table for two with Haruki, she had pushed the boys to a different table.

“We are the only people here and we told the other waiter we would not order anything, so…”

“But shouldn’t we be leaving?”

From his angle, Suguru could peek at Satoru’s eyes narrowing behind his shades.

Suguru checked the time on his cellphone. “There is no rush, and it would be rude to interrupt them.” He looked at you then back at Gojo.

As time progressed, he had noticed Satoru growing more and more irritated whenever Haruki was mentioned, not to say the ready-to-kill look on his face at the sight of the poor guy.

If asked about it, Satoru would only say that he did not trust your 'friend', who had appeared from nowhere, who was a non-sorcerer, and who was obviously 'a player'. You were aware of Satoru’s opinions on Ikeda, but you had always dismissed his comments as friendly concern. Geto had thought so too at first, remembering how Satoru had also been a bit territorial when you and he first started hanging out. However, Satoru had eased on him sooner rather than later.

On the contrary, Gojo's attitude towards Ikeda was not improving; in fact, it was getting worse. Suguru was no longer sure there were no deeper feelings involved.

“Shoko?” Satoru looked at her, convinced that she would be reasonable and give him the green light to go there and take you home.

“No,” was all she said without even taking her eyes off her cellphone.

“He is going to talk their ears off,” Gojo murmured.

Shoko thought Gojo was no different. Yaga often scolded him for talking too much in class, and half of those times, it was you the one he had been talking to. However, Satoru would probably be offended if she dared compare him to Haruki out of all people.

“I don’t think they mind,” she only commented, because it seemed true. She had heard you praise Haruki’s sense of humor and conversation a handful of times. He was lively and always had something nice to say, or so was your opinion.

The three of them saw you get up and rush to them. “His break is over. Sorry I made you wait.”

“It’s fine." Suguru smiled and everyone stood up. "Satoru is in a bit of a hurry to get that pizza, though.”

“Let’s go,” Satoru said, casually wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he looked in Haruki’s direction once more.

One day, after you returned to the dorms, Satoru had been waiting for you, saying he wanted to borrow something, and he also took the opportunity to ask if you were dating ‘the flirty waiter guy’.

“Don’t call him that," you had told him. "And no, it’s not like that. We are just friends.”

If he has such pure intentions as [name] believes, he won’t mind.

But when Gojo looked at him, Haruki was no longer wearing that sweet smile that he despised so much. Their eyes locked.

You turned your head to wave goodbye to Ikeda once more and Satoru saw the boy's defying expression swiftly transform into that of the innocent friend you praised so much.

I knew it.

Satoru had never wanted to pull you away from someone faster.

***

Yeah, I remember him all too well.

Satoru was laying on his bed in the comfort of his home. After your little outing to the movies and the ice cream shop, he had walked you home but made no excuse to stay at your place.

He had felt bad for cutting all your conversation attempts short, but he had not been himself; just as he had not meant to completely ignore everything you said about Haruki at your home, but he had, and he understood he made you both uncomfortable in the process.

Of course that threw you off. You had spoken for a while, briefing him on all the events that had taken place in the last weeks concerning the guy that was back in your life, as if you were reporting the details of a mission to Yaga, and Satoru had just dismissed it as if you had told him you had seen a bird outside.

He had listened to every word you said, but...

“You don’t get to decide who I hang out with,” you had told him a long time ago.

If he voiced his thoughts, would that open a crack between you two again?

He tossed and turned all night. Your bed was definitely more comfortable.

----------------------

Note: I just wanted to say thank you all for reading. I know I always say it, but I mean it, so I want you to know I do. <3

Next: Part IX

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap

[lady-griffin]

Powder Haunting Caitvi

I don’t think I noticed this until I saw this lovely Gifset, but now that I’ve seen it - I’m completely obsessed and absolutely in love with how there’s a drawing of Powder in the background of CaitVi’s breakup scene.

The pillar Powder’s drawing is on, is blocking the pathway back to Jinx.

Caitlyn can’t get to Jinx because of Powder.

She even attacks the pillar, expressing her frustration and anger as she desperately tries to break down the pillar so she can get to Jinx, but Powder remains.

Caitlyn hates and wants to kill Powder; people can argue until they’re blue in the face that it’s Jinx who Caitlyn wants to kill and Powder and Jinx aren’t the same person, but she is literally the same person.

Then Caitlyn leans against the pillar - hurt, shocked, and angry at Vi for stopping her when she had the shot. She can’t believe it.

Caitlyn is drowning in her guilt over her mother’s death, because she had the shot before and didn’t take it. She didn’t kill Jinx and now her mother is dead.

So, for Caitlyn it feels like even though she learned her “lesson” and is determined to take the shot no matter what - none of that mattered, because Vi stopped her.

She had the shot and Vi stopped her. It’s almost like Vi stopped her from “saving her mother.”

Then when we have an overshot of Vi’s after she’s been rejected and abandoned by Caitlyn and of course the drawing of Powder is prominently behind her.

If Caitlyn were to look down, she would see the two sisters “together” – possibly confirming her belief that Vi can’t be on her side because she and Jinx are sisters. Vi stopped her not because Caitlyn was in the wrong, but because Vi is no different than Jinx and she was such a fool to think Vi was different or cared about her.

And for Vi, Powder being behind her... my heart hurts.

Vi has so many complicated feelings towards her sister, because she feels so much guilt for “abandoning” her and for not being there to stop Jinx and Silco from “murdering” Powder.

But it would be so much easier if Jinx had just simply murdered her sister.

It would be an entirely different matter if Jinx wasn’t Powder and if Vi still didn’t love her sister, because despite Vi trying to convince herself that it’s Powder who she loves and Jinx isn’t Powder and Jinx killed Powder - Jinx is Powder.

Plus, with the imagery from their fight scene, despite Vi wanting to protect and preserve her sister’s memory, killing Jinx will only destroy the memory of Powder and their loving relationship as sisters.  

The drawing of Powder that haunts Vi and Caitlyn’s breakup is from the same pillar that had the two sisters together – the very one Vi and Jinx broke when they were fighting each other.

And yeah... everything hurts.

[fandommothlady]

Jason Todd and Jinx are so fun to think about as a pair. Like:

Jason gets kidnapped, beaten, and dies in an explosion. His adoptive father was too late to save him. Powder's adoptive father gets kidnapped, beaten, and dies saving his daughter from an explosion Powder caused. Both Jason and Powder are torn from their families in these instances.

Jason gets taken in by the League of Assassins and forms a bond with Talia al Ghul, a woman whose motivations for helping and training him are muddled and unclear. Jason gets stronger, remakes himself, and emerges on the other side irreversibly changed. Powder gets taken in by Silco, a man whose motivations for helping her are muddled and unclear. Under his care, Powder gets stronger, remakes herself, and emerges on the other side irreversibly changed. Jason becomes Red Hood, and Powder becomes Jinx.

Red Hood is a name taken from the man who killed Jason. Jinx is a name taken from the girl who abandoned Powder. They take their monsters, cut them open, and wear their skin.

Red Hood returns to the father who couldn't save him with an ultimatum - me or him. You kill him or I will. The Jason of before isn't an option, because that Jason is dead. It's me or the Joker. And Batman chooses the Joker.

Jinx drags the sister who left her right back to her and gives her an ultimatum - me or her. You kill her and you can have Powder back. You kill her or I will. And Vi doesn't kill her, and she can't have Powder back, because Powder is dead. Vi doesn't choose. Jinx chooses herself.

And it's fascinating because they're the same but not. Jason is rejected by his family and runs away from them and gets killed; Powder is rejected by her family and runs towards them and gets them killed. Jason comes back to a world that's moved on without him; Powder forces the world to move on without her. Red Hood chases his demons (Batman), and Jinx gets chased by her own (Vi); and in the end, Batman abandons Red Hood, and Jinx abandons Vi.

Vi saw Powder in Jinx. She tried to save her. Jinx wanted her sister back, but Powder is dead, and Vi can never love Jinx. So Jinx leaves Vi behind.

Batman saw Jason in Red Hood. He offered to help. Red Hood wanted his father back, but Jason is dead, and Batman can never love Red Hood. So Batman leaves Red Hood behind.

One is empowered while the other is decidedly not. Like. Guys. I need these two characters to interact. To talk to each other. (Add in some Lazarus Pit madness to bounce off of the shimmer enhancements for extra flavor. They would fuck shit up.)

And a lot of this is playing on perspectives and there's definitely more than what I've just listed here but to summarize: Jinx and Jason parallels go brrr.

[agentrouka-blog]

“I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons.”

I can’t tell if this is dramatic irony from GRRM and he means to subvert it or it’s a statement that may come to fruition ? Targ restoration seems very unlikely but I look at how “no one will ever marry me for love” and the willowy creature line is so obviously dramatic irony but can the same be said for the Dany line? Lot’s of Dany stans think so and obv think it’ll her and Jon’s child…I do find it funny that they’re the same people who claim that Jon’s willowy creature line isn’t ironic at all and that Sansa’s despair over only being chosen for her claim won’t be subverted at all 💀

I think that context here is a key in explaining why the line is begging to be subverted for Sansa, while acting (at best) as false bait in a broader metaphor of doom for Daenerys.

How would you like to marry your cousin, the Lord Robert?" The thought made Sansa weary. All she knew of Robert Arryn was that he was a little boy, and sickly. It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love. But lying came easy to her now. "I . . . can scarcely wait to meet him, my lady. But he is still a child, is he not?" (ASOS, Sansa VI)

For Sansa, the line plays on two things: 1) her disillusionment with an innocent but character-defining dream is already complete in the perfect middle of the series. What an excellent moment to set up an ironic hint where her arc will go from there. 2) Easter egg of an as of yet unknown fact: there is another cousin to whom marriage is going to be on the table. "It would be so sweet to see him once again" she later thinks of that not-yet-cousin, "but of course that could never be." Another never. What could possibly ensue down the line? It's pretty blatantly begging to be subverted.

Dany, meanwhile, is thinking this while in the process of fully embracing her dragon identity in the grasslands at the end of the fifth book (happening almost concurrently with the fourth book, so chronologically between the middle and the end). She is exiting her Mhysa-arc, abandoning the maternal role she took on at the end of ASOS, which had quickly entailed locking up her dragons for killing a little girl.

"Drogon killed a little girl. Her name was … her name …" Dany could not recall the child's name. That made her so sad that she would have cried if all her tears had not been burned away. "I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons." Aye, the grass said, but you turned against your children. (ADWD, Daenerys X)

Her children being the dragons.

Dany is torn between these idea of motherhood. Mother to the people, mother to dragons, mother to her own children. But, crucially, this chapter ends with a decision. She avoids examining the thought of her "moonblood", she divests herself of her commitment to Meereen, she summons and mounts Drogon, turns him away from Meereen, hunts on dragonback and gorges on the charred flesh of a horse that died screaming, calmly awaiting Jhaqo's khalasar to find her. She chooses the dragons.

The pregnancy she miscarried in the grasslands during her bout of starvation and dysentery was conceived in Meereen. Fairly soon after she started having sex with Daario and Hizdahr, even. Is it miscarried in the process of choosing to leave Meereen.

“To go forward I must go back,” she said.

She has chosen a new direction, back to her dragon identity, her personal quest. Nothing about this invites the idea of an ironic twist on motherhood being her future after all, which always stands in opposition to the dragons. The imagery is utterly consistent on that front.

In order to thematically reconnect to motherhood for herself, she would have to utterly reject the dragons, and that's going to be both extremely unlikely, and also increasingly meaningless the more she already achieves for herself through them. It's not much of a sacrifice if they have already given her power, devotion, armies, vengeance, the path to Westeros and the means to achieve all her goals. If Hazzea is not enough to convince Dany of what matters more, where is the meaning in being given "a little girl" for herself down the line, after yet more little girls will have died? Thematically, the time to earn this reward passed the moment she chose Drogon.

[dorahvante]

It's kinda funny see how people assume Jinx's encounter with alt!Ekko would go. But my guess is it all comes down to who gets switched places. If alt!Ekko was taken to the original Zaun, I think the two simply wouldn't keep in touch enough to create any synergy, as this Ekko would have to deal with his entire world being removed and still be in the place of someone who has dozens of people depending on him. But if it were the other way around, something more interesting could happen.

One of the bases for how Jinx relates to everyone close to her is the search for a constant source of affection. Where her actions, no matter how chaotic and destructive they are, do not change how she is seen by the people she cares about. She had that with Silco, she looked for that in Vi in S1, and for a period of time Isha also filled that role. And ironically, her being thrown into a world inhabited by the ghosts she desperately tried to overcome the pain she caused, but who unconditionally now loved her, would get on her nerves. Less Ekko, at least not in the same degree as the others. he was the constant between the two roles she has in life, and no matter how much she tried to exclude Powder from herself, for almost the entire series, Jinx has always shown herself incapable of truly putting an end to the people from her past.

There would be conflicts at least in the beginning, like OG Ekko had, but in that case they would more quickly turn to violence due to her attempts to refocus on the identity she has been acting on for years, trying to resist a world of constant reminders, of what she wanted to abandon, but given the alternative Powder's possible history with these nervous lapses after her sister's death, everyone around would act as they did originally and give her space, counting on Ekko to be there for her since he and Powder are close. And that's when we reach one of the flexion points, between OG and this alternative, I feel that the arc made by Ekko in ep7 has already been achieved by this alternative, or that things have simply moved at a much faster pace towards a reconciliation between Powder and Jinx in the same person for alt!Ekko.

From what little we know about this version of Ekko, it's not difficult to assume that everything that is integral to ours is easily transferred to this one, the Powder of this world fell in love with the same guy twice, funny. And another point, more difficult to recognize, is that in this case, like everything else in this world, we are dealing with an almost idealized version of what we knew. Remembering Powder's statement that she had never seen her Ekko give up anything.

This Ekko would not accept stagnation in an adverse situation, just trying to preserve the present, something that the original learned to change in himself, to overcome this flaw, citing that he had lost hope in Jinx and with that also in a better Zaun, just trying to keep his head above water. And just like in the show, the alternative would see that even Jinx overriding his girlfriend's personality, changing her name, her mannerisms, the core of who she is, what really attracts him to Powder would be a constant. And this fluidity, this ability to adapt, to accept change, more easily than the original, but also due to the lack of baggage that the relationship between this Ekko and Jinx has. It's easy to see that even with the sharp edges of Jinx's personality, he would adapt to this in order to help her with whatever problem she faced, even with the constant reprimands and threats. It would be less "I can fix her" and more like "She needs me to be there" something that he was experience when his Powder was grieving

And on the other hand, there is Jinx, who until act 2 of the second season, still has problems with her self-esteem, her identity, thanks to the certainty that she has dismissed or hated by the people she valued when Powder, since Vi's slap, and with that the understanding of her sister's rejection, and also the pain she is aware of causing the only other survivor of her past, Ekko. And she kept those two factors with her, those two truths, for almost the entire first season. Until the bridge fight

And this exchange of looks is referenced a few times. she is able to recognize that underneath all the anger, heartbreak and pain she sees in Ekko's eyes, he still sees her with affection. And her having to deal with a version that is capable of expressing this without the layers that submerge this feeling, would probably make her more skittish, but also much more exposed to this truth. And Ekko being more open to the way she wants to be seen would make their relationship much less thorny and violent than expected.

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Hey.

We know that Jinx&Silco are the obvious duo, compared with Vander&Vi. But what if the explosion incident had not happened, per say, that things had just gotten worse in Zaun while Piltover thrived, and Vi was growing up and becoming so much more angry and she learnt about Vander's deal with the enforcer and she was sixteen and furious. Genuinely betrayed by her mentor, that led up to her trying to beat him up (because, yes, they're the same, their grief and anger goes through their hearts and then their wrists) but of course Vander's still more experienced, more powerful, etc. etc.

So Vi left (leaving behind some shocked siblings, and Vander says "she'll come back," softly, but there's a worried haze in his eyes, and Powder is still feeling rejected because Vi wants to fight but, of course, she still needs her little sister safe, and where she is going she won't take her). And where is she going? Why, to see the one person she's ever saw criticize Vander fully: Sevika.

And Sevika, in turn, brings her to Silco. And Silco sees this young, angry teenager, filled with ideal to save and better her city, and in her eyes he sees a bit of Vander and he can't /trust her/ but also,, she's still young,, she's still... She could be useful; molded better; and she she explains all of it, how Vander is abandoning their freedom for a fake peace, that sparks something back and real into Silco's heart.

("Come here, Violet," he says, carefully. "Perhaps you and I can work some things together... I knew your mother, do you know? A fighter, like you. A brave woman.")

[day-drawn-blog]

Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die. - "I want to live".

Pairing: Astarion x Reader. This is set in Act I.

Tags: angst....

Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

Part III : maybe tonight I'll rest in peace.

Part IV : There is more to do and I still want to live.

Part V : our futures bound, our bodies known.

Part VI: These ain't my sins. I broke my chains.

Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours.

Part VIII : Your blood like wine, invites me in.

Part IX : I welcome my sentence, to give you my penance

--------

Into the night, turbulent thoughts led you to dark places in your mind. You got up, and stepped out. The campsite was desolate. Serene. You walked towards the distant hills. Alone. Feelings of loneliness, rejection, abandonment haunting you. The bond you thought you had built with another, these past few weeks, was perhaps too fragile to endure. A shared secret had brought you close. Only a yearning remained. Of what could have been. 

He was holding her, consoling her. 

You reasoned. The cool air on your face brought you back to the present. The great vastness in front of you, made you feel, insignificant. You had been too greedy, and had come full circle to the start. You were here back then. Rejected, and abandoned. But now....amidst the chaos you knew you did the right thing. You would trade guilt for your pain any day. You needed to bring order. 

You needed to refocus. 

The moonlight bathed you. You heard someone approach. You didn't expect him that night. But there he was. You looked at your cut, blood trickling down. "Stay back, Astarion. Do not come closer." He didn't heed your warning. Bad move. You thought through gritted teeth. You had overlooked every transgression of his. No more. 

You reached for your weapon. 

You swung it. The great hallberd gleamed in the moonlight and was met with two of his swords held in each hand. Anger coursing through you, you retreated and attacked. Again and again. What you lacked in martial skill you made up in pure bitterness. He defended himself well. He was more skilled in wielding his melee weapons than you were. 

His eyes were as resolved as yours. 

He hadn't uttered a word till then. But you were beginning to lose your breath, and your footing. You could incinerate him instantly, but that wasn't your goal. That wouldn't suffice, wouldn't calm your wrath. You hit, harder, repeatedly. He parried every single one, swift on his feet. Eventually he overpowered you. 

He had a sword to your throat. 

You fell to your knees. Exhausted. Still in the grips of an unfathomable rage. You cast Eldritch Blast on a nearby rock, shattering it to pieces. Only then did you feel your rage subside a bit. Spent, you on all fours, you hit the ground with a fist. He threw his swords in front of you. "Stop", he growled. "I'm yours... already" he continued. "Stop this madness. Why ...punish yourself in my stead. My body is yours. Just ... use me as you wish...punish me ... or use me for pleasure ..." 

"However you like. As you desire..." 

What nonsense is this?!. Does he understand the gravity of what he is saying? Has he lost his mind? 

"I do not want you, Astarion. You are not a thing, nor mine to claim". You got up. "Why are you here, anyway?" You couldn't mask your resentment. You no longer wished to be caught in his web of lies, ensnared by his charm, in the illusion of love and desire. Yes you craved to be needed, wanted, sought out. But this... was just an mirage. Carefully crafted to manipulate you. 

You were being used the entire time. 

And you would put an end to that now. Fully resolved to not relent to his charm. To none of his advances. You braced for the next honeyed words he would inevitably utter, to pull you back into the dream he wove. But he said something entirely unprecedented. "I ....have nowhere else to be". He said, quietly. 

Another lie. You thought. 

"You abandoned Shadowheart? I cannot help but marvel at the coldness of your heart. But of course, you are a vampire. You do not have one". 

You hoped to cut him. But why. 

He looked at you, searching, with his eyes. Did you really mean that? He could try reading you all he wanted. Your face wouldn't betray your inner turmoil. Unable to fathom you.... He relented. 

"She doesn't ...want me. She never did. All she ever wanted, all anyone...has ever wanted...from me...was pleasure. When someone seeks me out...I do not refuse them. It's what she did. So I gave myself to her. It's what I was taught. It's all I have ever known, to do. As long as I can remember...to be". 

"It's, all ...I am". 

Wait. What? Hold on...

"In another lifetime" he continued. Oblivious to the horror on your face. "I would have taken her to my master, Cazador. No one has ever sought me out, more than once. They never got a chance..you see. They either died...or were enslaved by my master." He looked at you, nonchalantly explaining his life to you... Not realizing how it made you feel. 

Your words failed you. 

Astarion was baring his most vulnerable self to you. He was being....honest. Was that really how he had lived ...under Cazador? How could Cazador do that to him? You needed to help him. The hatred in you, the seething rage was replaced with remorse. That you hadn't known ...about his man. About the darkness he was battling with. He was a prisoner in the past ...and a prisoner now, to the scars he bore. 

"But now...is different". He continued.

"She did seek me out. More than once. And I was happy, to oblige. I was grateful. I was happy ...to be of use to her. She is beautiful...and powerful...and kind. I felt safe... protected. So, I served her, to my best ability." So ... Yes, you both found pleasure in each other. But she probably felt more than that about you, Astarion. Or were you so oblivious to the fact that someone can want you...for more than pleasure....it made you blind to ...her true feelings?

He needed saving. And love. 

"Why abandon her now? If you devote yourself to her, she will continue to cherish and protect you. Im.sure. " you reassured him. "That's what you want isn't it?" You gently led him. Hoping to steer him in the right way. If Shadowheart could bring him out of the darkness, maybe he should ...let her. 

He shook his head. He disagreed. 

"I felt ...empty...with her. Around her. I had to wear my mask. Never let her know who I was, lest she throw me away, because I was a ...monster. I am a monster, you see. I'm prey on the living. I drink...blood." He looked away. 

He really despised himself, you noticed. 

The regret in his voice was palpable. "But you.... You forgave me, for being, who I was. I felt free...with you. I have never been myself, around anyone outside of Cazador's ..."family"...Returning to her ... after you...was exhausting. Unsettling..." 

"I didn't want it anymore. "

"Didn't look forward to it...it was ... difficult. I was growing cold to her...avoiding her. She noticed ...I'm sure. But she never spoke of it. Which led me to believe she never sought me outside of ...carnal pleasure. Perhaps she had tired of me too. Perhaps I wasn't my best... with her anymore. I couldn't force myself anymore. I was happier....when with you..."

You wanted to heal his fragile heart. 

"I do not want you for carnal pleasure Astarion. That's not what I need from you. I will give you my protection freely. And perhaps my blood, should you desperately need it." Astarion looked at you. That was not what he was expecting to hear at all. He was fully prepared to be thrown away. He had had several nights with you. More than he could have wished for. 

He was happy with just that. 

What had he done to deserve that? Him. Why him? He was the lowest of the low. A murderer, evil incarnate. Despicable.  "But ...why? I have given nothing to you. I have only taken .. I have nothing to offer you...I have nothing...I possess nothing, The only thing I know how to do, only thing I'm good at....is ...my body. To serve...to pleasure ..." 

"So ... just use me, please". He pleaded. 

Must he be so used to degrading himself? "You can offer me many things Astarion. Your loyalty to start. Your cheerful disposition. Your strength... both of body and mind. Your... friendship ...your trust." You smiled at him. You could give me your real self, your affection ...your pure, uninhibited love... But you didn't say that. That was not something you would ask. "You can keep your promise to me from the other night. A reason ...for me to live on". You reminded him. 

"I do need you too....your embrace... " 

You said, as you smiled, you looked at him. To reassure him that you meant it. He looked at you blankly at first. Unsure. But ..then...in what felt, forever. His face lit up. "Really? Is that all you want...from me? Can I offer you ... Yes....i promise you...you have my.. my trust and my faith. My loyalty and my unwavering friendship. My gratitude." He walked to you. "You have ...all of me. Every bit of me. The monster and the ally. The sword and the shield. My ..self ..." He held you. 

"I'm yours. Only yours". He smiled.

Looking at you. "Whether you need me or not, I'm here for you. You need not look further.. I devote myself to you. Till you...till you no longer want me". He held your face in his hands. His voiced suddenly tinged with sadness. "But even so ....I only hope and prey, that you don't abandon me. Can you promise me? After making me feel wanted, for who I am.... I would not be able to live on, if you threw me away too...I have no one else..." 

He pleaded with his eyes... Before kissing you.

-------

Epilogue 1 -

Leave the flames and take a chance to be with me tonight

[thewistlingbadger]

Exploration of Wants and Needs with Jayce and Viktor

Ok so this post originally started off as me questioning Viktor's motives and line of reasoning but as I was writing it I made a major discovery so now I have pivoted away to talk about this instead (it's still mostly adjacent to the original topic).

What does Viktor want? What does Viktor need?

What does Jayce want? What does Jayce need?

These questions can be answered by analyzing the attitude, actions, and personalities of these two characters.

Jayce is a people pleaser. He is constantly seeking validation from others because he isn't able to validate himself (this is most likely because Jayce has a negative self image of himself). Jayce is the founder of hextech and an incredible scientist, yet he's always turning to Viktor for direction. Jayce is a talented and skilled man with his own business, yet he's always asking Mel for feedback. Jayce is always looking to Mel and Viktor and trying to help them and almost everything he does is for them. When do we see Jayce do something that is solely for him? He relies on these two to an absurd degree despite the fact that he is perfectly capable of making his own choices. This level of dependency has its own implications on how Jayce thinks and how he feels about himself.

Jayce wants validation so badly that he allows others to steer him into situations that negatively impact him. Being a councilor negatively impacted Jayce but he went along with it before Mel provided him with validation. Raiding the shimmer factory negatively impacted Jayce but he went along with it anyway because Vi provided him with validation. When Jayce is denied validation in season 1 act 1, when the very professor he admired rebukes his idea, when the people who have sworn to protect and serve him condemn him, and when his own mother invalidates his dream by calling it a "fantasy" and claiming that jayce "isn't of the right mind", it pushes him to suicide (the fact that he was so willing to kill himself also has its own implications about Jayce's mental health prior to season 1)! The only reason why Jayce ends up living is because Viktor showed up and validated him. He came to Jayce and told him he wasn't crazy, he was brilliant and his dream was going to change the world (this is why Jayce is attached to Viktor and why he's so fond of him, Viktor provides him with validation). Later in the show, Jayce is overwhelmed by the amount of public validation that he has received (giving the progress day address, becoming the face of piltover, earning a seat at the council) but he accepts it with open arms. He hesitates but receives it with a wide smile and a sense of pride (see the way he acts as a councilor, see the way he's comfortable with having his own merchandise, see how happy he was on progress day in front of all of piltover).

However, season two showed us that validation is not what he needed. Because had it been what he needed, he wouldn't feel so devastatingly pulled to Viktor all of season 2. When Viktor ends up being alive and relatively well, Jayce is over the moon with joy and relief. He tells Viktor he's seen the error of his ways and that he'll give up everything to be in his rightful place: at Viktor's side, working on their shared dream. But Viktor rejects Jayce in this scene and abandons him. This is the first time we actually get to see and explore Jayce being completely on his own. From this point forward in the story, we see Jayce grow immensely as a character, but his goal always revolves around Viktor, but it's not because he needs his validation. At the end of the show, Jayce is no longer seeking validation from Viktor. He is the one granting validation to Viktor. He is comforting Viktor like Viktor did all those years ago, showing him the patience and kindness that Viktor showed him. Viktor was willing to bear the burden of his actions alone, and Jayce refused to let him do so. He insisted they share the consequence. Jayce learned to stop relying on others and to start being a person that people can genuinely rely on.

In a lot of ways, Jayce and Viktor are very similar. But in a lot of ways they're extremely different. Viktor is a very independent person. He doesn't rely on anyone. Viktor told Jayce in act 1 s1 that Viktor made his career in Piltover by himself, with no help from anyone. Viktor has the self confidence Jayce lacks and he's able to recognize his own capability, a point that Jayce hadn't reached when they first met. Independency is generally seen as a very positive trait, since it demonstrates a level of maturity and trust in one's self. However independency can come from a lifetime of learned experiences that have proven that the world is untrustworthy and undependable, not a lifetime of experience. People like Viktor, who are extremely independent are that first option, not that second one. Viktor independent because he's had to be all his life. Zaun is an unforgiving place, it is sink or swim. The hardships of his childhood have taught Viktor that the only person he can rely on is himself. Vikor actively pushes himself away from others. He is half of hextech, yet he stays away from events were hextech is recognized, he stays away from where people can see and access him. Sky is actively reaching out for Viktor, trying to help him, and yet Viktor ignores her. Jayce is constantly trying to involve Viktor, but Viktor resists him. Viktor is independent, but he is profusely lonely. His inability to let others in damages his relationships as well as his ability to socialize and form new bonds (hence why Viktor is very anti social).

Viktor is also insatiable. Viktor is never satisfied or happy with himself despite his accomplishments. Viktor is always striving for greater and better things. He's never able to enjoy what he's already done. Being an assistant to a councilor isn't enough, he has to become a successful inventor. Being an inventor of one of the greatest scientific achievements in modern history isn't enough, he has to help the undercity. Helping those in the undercity isn't enough, he has to save humanity. Jayce is satisfied with what he's done and with the people in his life. Knowing that others have recognized his achievements is what he wants and he gets it and it's enough for him. But when it comes to Viktor, nothing is ever enough. In season 1, he was so disappointed with his life that he complained to Heimerdinger that Viktor and his achievements will be forgotten, despite the fact that Viktor is responsible for revolutionary technology.

In season two, Viktor is put into an interesting position where he no longer has no limitations. He now has full physical capability and a power like no other. Viktor is literally able to achieve the impossible. He starts a extraordinary, peaceful commune in Zaun, he's able to heal people of unhealable ailments, and he now has access to the secrets of the Arcane. If it wasn't clear before, season two definitely makes it clear that Viktor desires greatness. No matter how impressive his past projects or completed goals have been, he feels the need to upstage and outdo them in whatever he decides do next. Viktor is the ultimate perfectionist in that way. He must always be improving and becoming even greater and better than he ever has been. This is literally the meaning of "The Glorious Evolution" and precisely what his conversation with Singed was about. Evolution is about acceleration, the next stage is always superior to the last stage. There is never a point where there is no improvement, and stage where things revert to worse conditions. But evolution, as well as the pursuit of greatness is mindless and infinite. I is impossible to achieve the highest point of evolution or greatness because there will always be room for improvement. It is a treacherous prison, which is what Viktor learns later when he sees that he becomes The Mage. Viktor ends up getting lost in his new power and it eats him alive. He completely abandons his humanity for the sake of greatness. But Jayce is able to show him that the path he's going down is folly. It is meaningless and miserable. Jayce is able to tell him the words that Viktor never even realized he needed to hear. Jayce shows him that he doesn't have to push everyone away, he can trust people and those people can be dependable.

What does Viktor want? Greatness. What does he need? To allow others in and resist the futility of greatness and proving himself.

What does Jaye want? Validation. What does he need? To trust himself and be a reliable person.

The only way they were able to ever find out what they needed was by accepting themselves and trusting the other.