#[ ohhhhh such a good ask anon !! had to do it for both verses 8))) ]

[despairforme]

Honestly feel like if someone just loved him from a young age (canon and human verses) maybe he would have turned out different, someone who didn't see him as a beast

TURNED OUT DIFFERENT? In what way? If someone didn't see him as a BEAST, they were fucking BLIND. Nnoitra was a Hollow. HE WAS A MONSTER. From a "young age"? Meaning back before he became an Arrancar? He didn't think he'd gained much humanity by evolving, but if anything, he had been even more of a monster back then. If someone had loved him --- Would that have changed anything? It was an impossible scenario, because when Nnoitra had been an Adjuchas, nobody had been able to even approach him without him killing them. So how could someone love him? There was no room for LOVE in Hueco Mundo. It was a dog-eat-dog world, and he had the BIGGEST TEETH.

Nnoitra didn't mind being seen as a beast. As a monster. It was the simple truth about who and what he was. It was never going to change. No amount of love could alter that. He could not be tamed. Tesla should be more than enough proof of that. Nnoitra didn't know if he could say his Fraccion loved him ( could a Hollow even feel love? ), but it was the closest thing to love he'd ever experience, he was certain of that. It made no difference to how Nnoitra acted. Even Tesla, who people viewed as less of a beast than himself, had the animalistic need to kill and harm. Hollow were MONSTERS. It would never change,

Wasn't this the CLASSIC thing people thought about "bad guys". That they could be FIXED? That if someone ( their parents ) had just loved them when they were kids, they would've turned out differently? Nnoitra didn't like it when he was treated like "just a misunderstood boy". The truth was that Nnoitra had ALWAYS BEEN A BAD PERSON. From childhood. He was born bad. Born with a soul that didn't want to be saved. Born to be a person that nobody could love. It was the fundamental part of him.

He was pretty sure his mother never loved him, even if she sure as hell had tried. But she couldn't. Because it was impossible. Nnoitra tried to imagine how things would've been like if he HAD been loveable. He wasn't able to stretch his imagination that far. Everything would've been different, for sure, because Nnoitra would've been a different person from the start. If he was loveable, it would mean he wasn't a BAD PERSON, and then he wouldn't have done all the horrible things he'd done throughout his life. OF COURSE everything would've been different then! But Nnoitra wasn't going to lay the blame for his actions on anyone other than himself. He had made the decisions he'd made. Because he was a bad person.

The whole "nobody will ever love me"-attitude was a huge cliche, he knew that. That didn't make it any less true though. Time and time again, he'd proven that it truly was impossible for others to love him. Yeah, he'd be lying if he said he wished it wasn't like that. Reality couldn't be changed. There was no use fucking crying over his life. He was going to take responsibility, and keep moving forward.

[queersturbate]

Bro you said you had more fic recs, pleeeeeeeease drop them.

hell anon!!!

ahhh okay okay! these fanfics will be smut+fluff since that’s more of what I read and I’ll have more recommendations! Again these will all be on AO3!

these are pretty popular so if you want some more recommendations let me know I have more!

disclaimer: don't judge anything I read >:(

Throw The Dice And Play With Me by olympiansally - AU where L wins, Light is arrested, but L needs help with a case- a new Kira has appeared (fluff+possible smut shjadakjs, ongoing, also it’s SO good!!!)

the forest holds strange creatures by avoidfilledwithcelluloid - L is a big tall tree cryptid and Light is a paranormal investigator (smut+fluff) (outing myself as a monsterfucker on main this is fine)

hand in unlovable by avoidfilledwithcelluloid - a collection of fluffy+smutty+angsty one-shots (there’s like 78 chapters I'm almost done with it, I’m grinding with it)

Lux Aeterna (Light Everlasting) by ZombieJesus & GhostOfTasslehoff - Light is a vampire and L is a vampire hunter! When I Tell You I Was Obsessed With This ohhhhh I couldn’t stop thinking about it (romantic/fluff+smut)

Confined Spaces by ZombieJesus & GhostOfTasslehoff - Light and L get stuck in an elevator and Light is a lil bitch <3 (smut in the last chapter)

Kira-Kira by ZombieJesus & GhostOfTasslehoff - AU where Light doesn’t fall for the Lind L. Tailor trick, he is both Kira and a stripper (smut obviously but it gets fluffy too)

Dial K for Kira by ZombieJesus - Light needs extra money so he starts a Kira roleplay sex hotline, L has a Kira kink and Light has an L kink (smut obviously)

Seeking His Hand by magic__mind - Historical AU where L asks Soichiro for Light’s hand in marriage (I was Obsessed with this fanfic too ohhhh I couldn't stop reading it) (fluffy, romantic but also trigger warning because it mentions a past marriage involving L, an adult, and a 14-year-old (it wasn’t malicious he had to do it for a reason but still it can make people uncomfy!)

Not All Heroes (Happy Birthday) by ZombieJesus - Light throws a surprise batman themed birthday party for L it’s actually very cute I l love it I read it to my friend! (there’s like a little, little smut in it if I remember correctly)

(can you tell who my favorite fanfic writer is hjdgwgdk)

Some 2015 drama verse fanfics:

Run Away With Me by theadventuresof - fixed episode 8 (fluffy and angsty!)

half moon by theadventuresof - AU where they’re both alive 

Burning by reau - hurt/comfort, L holds Light

the execution of all things by luckycharge (makkapitew) - AU where Light is shot when trying to save L in episode 7 (ongoing and sweet! fluffy! and slow-burn)

Moth to a Flame by strayglass - AU where L and Light DID meet in some other way (soso cute and fluffy!! with a hint of angst!)