#[ meta. ] a finer look at what makes the tornado turn.

[titanslayer]

‘Maybe I've done enough And your golden child grew up Maybe this trophy isn't real love And with or without it I'm good enough Maybe I've done enough Finally catching up For the first time I see an image of my brokenness Utterly worthy of love’

— sleeping at last / three.

i hate the whole ‘jason willingly goes back to camp jupiter’ thing for a lot of reasons, but none more than: jason’s self worth is entirely tied to what he thinks he can do for other people. which isn’t awful, no, he’s dedicated to helping his friends and loved ones, but the difference between them and the legion is. startling. failure is a sore spot because it’s clear jason hates to let anyone down, and considering the romans fought in the titan war with almost no warning or precedent, letting down definitely means some very severe consequences when you’re hoisted up in a leading position. the little trauma goblin in jason’s head is just repeating; failure bad, failure death, failure costs lives that aren’t your own because for some ungodly reason, you keep surviving. make it count. n camp jupiter n it’s.......er, teachings, exacerbate that kind of mindset in ALL it’s legionnaires, not just jason. reyna, frank, hazel are all examples of it, in varying degrees. now he’s away from roman influence i rly hope he learns that he is allowed to fuck up as long as he knows to fix it to the best of his ability, n that in no way will it make him unworthy of being seen as a person, or unworthy of bein loved. esp after living so long thinking he needed to sacrifice himself for cause after cause just to belong somewhere

[titanslayer]

you know that ‘i hate being told what to do, but if i am not told what to do i get anxious’ thing?? that is . 100% jason. listen, camp jupiter is a child army built on very bad foundations, and it’s treatment of it’s most hardworking soldiers is absolutely deplorable. jason has a long history of not liking rules but forcing himself to stick to his promises and. throw that in with the cptsd from living in a fuckin child army / bootcamp for 12 years with repeated quests and years of unresolved trauma, what do you get

someone very defensive about being ordered around bc of what it reminds him of, and also someone very jittery about not knowing what to do, bc of what he’s been thru that has cost him and others dearly in dangerous situations

[titanslayer]

one of my fav things abt jason is that he looks for a balance in ppl. ofc he sees the good — he acknowledges and praises the good he sees in everyone. but he also sees the bad and never tries to make excuses for it, doesn’t assume he can change it. he understands and sympathises w/ what he can, bc he knows everyone makes mistakes and sometimes in order to get better, ppl need to be treated with gentleness or reassurance or just respect. and if the bad is alarmingly overpowering the good, he takes a stand against it. 

better thn that imo: if he misjudges someone, he owns it and makes up for it. if / when he’s called out on that shit, he takes it n improves.