#[ i had to DIG for this one i should rewatch this show ]

[aliquamprimus]

🌌 Trollhunters

[ send me an AU ]

|| There aren't many warriors left from the day that Gunmar was banished - That remember Daya the Deliverer or the battle itself. Most of those who were there are old, very old, and forgetful themselves.

But there were some there who were young, and remember it clearly.

Those few sequestered themselves away with their scars and their weapons and their duties, hoping that no one would need them again. They would live their lives under a world that didn't know they existed; Truth turning to story and story into legend.

That is, until a very unlikely Trollhunter sought them out...

[clairewritesandrambles]

Currently watching Twisters with headphones and subtitles (as it should be experienced). If you had a hard time hearing some of the quieter dialogue like me, here is a list of little details I didn't notice the first time:

Scott's driver tells to Boone to blow him when the Tornado Wranglers arrive at the first gas station.

Ben telling Tyler to keep his eyes on the road when he is staring at Kate as she and Javi pass them.

As Boone is hanging out the window loading rockets, he sings 'Dead End Road' by Jellyroll and then when the camera pans out he yells "SING IT BEN!" (Honestly this rewatch caught a lot of background dialogue for him, made me love Boone even more).

The cause of the broken trigger during the second tornado is melted chocolate and Tyler is lecturing Boone about eating chocolate in the truck.

In the background after the Stillwater tornado you can see the StormPAR guys digging the truck out of the wreck of the motel. (Still find it hilarious that it survived, considering we see a - slightly smaller - truck get sucked straight into the tornado in the same area).

Scott 100% calls Riggs his uncle. I already was pretty sure that was what he said, but subtitles confirmed it.

You can barely hear the dialogue, but the entire time during the EF5 that hits El Reno Scott is the one talking in the truck with Javi. It's all super quiet because of the music and sound of the tornado, but throughout the entire thing it is Scott who is showing fear and Javi is the calmer one (while still being realistic for the scene). I think it just adds an interesting take on how calm he is later and wanting to go back to the tornado. Maybe a bit of a pride thing?

Not so much something that I *just* noticed, but I find the inconsistency with Tyler's truck damage at the end hilarious. The thing just got rolled by an EF5 and a few days later (StormPAR truck is still covered in mud, so it can't be a big time gap) it seems fine at the airport. I can totally see him being the type of guy who would absolutely run it to the mechanic as soon as possible, that is HIS BABY.

This has been Live Watching with Claire.

[hana-no-seiiki]

OKAI THE BRAINROT IS NOT GOING AWAY IM INDULGING IT

LEGITIMATELY REWATCHED A FEW SECONDS OF CHAT NOIR AND WAS LIKE GODDAMN I WANT TO SEE THE ROBINS WITH THIS SLUT BEHAVIOR AAAAA

anyways

pairings: yandere! batfam x cat villain! reader.

just a little snippet im too lazy for more huhu

the real reason why some of the boys coveted the robin position so much wasn’t cause it gave them batman’s attention

no no no

it was because it meant that you would be inevitably be their rival and, if they’re charming enough, your friend.

you were harmless in the grand scheme of things, helpful in some cases. very much like your mentor, catwoman. only with a much more heavy appetite for chaos and being slutty around the robins and the robins alone

you didn’t care who it was under the mask, if they did not don it anymore you wouldn’t care less about them.

which brings us to our current situation

damian wayne was your latest victim. so far your favorite prey of all those that previously had his spot.

he was everything you liked about the domino masked hero: sassy, controlling, and ever so quick to take the bait that is your teasing.

but a small, itsy bitsy mistake on your part caused him to get horridly injured.

as such you took it upon yourself to take care of him that night.

he kept rattling on about “not needing your pity.” or how “a heinous criminal like you shouldn’t be even touching him” as if you two didn’t wrestle in more ways than one on the regular.

of course you ignored his pleas like always and healed him up

“why are you doing this? if not pity then—“ damian cursed as pain shot through his entire body. every time he was getting on your nerves by speaking too much you’d often dig into him harshly with your gauze.

“i wouldn’t want our chase to be over before you catch me.” you breathed out, wincing at all the blood before you.

heroes and vigilantes alike often dehumanized you. would say that you were some heartless, ruthless criminal with no regard nor compassion for anybody but yourself. but you could never get used to the blood and violence it took for you to get what you want — what you needed.

selina said that was your best trait

“after all, don’t you enjoy proving those stupid do gooders wrong?”

she’d say

you smile as you remembered the times you’d tease his predecessors. how you’d shower them with love, how you’d endear yourself to them. your little birdies til they weren’t. it’s amazing how blinded by love they were. they never even began to think that your flighty nature was the one at fault and not theirs for failing to keep their occupation.

perhaps you should thank bruce for his shitty parenting techniques.

damian never really thought much of you. he knew of tim’s little stalking hobby, of jason’s bloody shows of affection, of dick’s reckless attitude whenever you two fought. he just saw those as proof of his triumph, his superiority. if you acknowledged him then he succeeded. if you pitied him then you saw him as a failure.

then he realized he never truly understood them until this moment

but now that he knew just how much he has, that his brothers don’t. something that they would no doubt kill to have again…

he’ll make sure they never get you even over his dead body.

check reblogs for more cause ill be adding there for the uh 12-24 hours

[softzindagi]

Some of my thoughts on maxton hall and why i loved it so much:

- im so glad that they didnt have james being a dickbag and kissing other girls after he met ruby

- the contrast of james and ruby’s families, the polar opposite in fathers. I love how they still had james and lydia be each other’s rocks in such a crappy situation when they have no one else, even if their relationship isn’t the best. The dichotomy of their relationship to ruby’s and ember’s? things can go wrong but they are sisters who love each other deeply.

-i loved the very pride and prejudice esque scenes of ruby dressing james down, and every time he deserved to be told off but it still makes ruby feel guilty afterwards. there’s a moral compass of ruby that james hated at first but it humbles him? Chefs kiss its so fucking good. He betters himself just like darcy and the change is seen even by his parents.

- the scene of ruby telling james off in the oxford course, its a pivotal scene because everything she says digs at things he knows. Young Beaufort wasnt his idea, it was Lydia’s and he’s taking credit and charge of it. He feels bad, he’s forced into it, but it’s the “you go through life representing wealth to which you have contributed absolutely nothing? With so much money, there’s no need for your own ideas.” Ruby has no idea how hard that actually hits home, and you can see Lydia take a step back mentally and yeah she agrees. The rest of it, how people will only like him for his money and not himself, that also hits so close. We see how Cyril laughs inspite of James’ pain, Alister is impressed by Ruby’s dress down but no one goes after James like a true friend would. As the series goes on you see how Alister and James grow closer as he becomes a better person, you see the care and concern because they’re in similar places but Alister isn’t as proud or arrogant as James is. I really love how by the end of the series, you have James and Alister confiding in each other.

- the scene on the lacrosse field, the way she apologizes and he is arrogant but decides to be nice because he is curious, and finds out that he does like her. She humbles him and makes him want to do better, she’s not the enemy and he kinda respects her for it. I also think, he’s never had anyone genuinely apologize to him, because he’s never had anyone wrong him but his own family. The apology, it’s a catalyst for him to let go of this resentment he has for her, in the truth she dug up in him.

- i am very happy that they have the good and the bad with ruby’s parents. The guilt that Ruby feels and the way her father is not happy that she is “wasting” her money on saving for his lift. There’s care there, but it’s hard nonetheless, those are big emotions to have years after an accident like he experienced.

- piggy backing off of that, the pivotal scene of James saving Ruby from the pool, that even though he didn’t know why she didnt come up but didnt hesitate to jump in? CHEFS KISS! The scene after of her confiding in him, him being so gentle and careful and being honest with percy, that he’s in over his head but he likes ruby, he wants to help her and has helped her. Oof just so fucking good!

- the way they keep telling each other that they should go back to never knowing each other, but every time fail because they’re meant to collide now, they MATTER to each other now

- i just really am glad they had him apologize for the shitty way his father was to her. That he was embarrassed by himself and his father. It was excruciating to have her get humiliated by his father. He’s only experienced it within his own family, but having it happen to Ruby? that changed things.

- they fucking nailed the cute scenes between them. The dancing in the victorian clothes, the chasing pigeons, the planning and setting up of the gala? Hell yeah!

- The whole fourth episode was chef’s kiss, no notes just purely good storytelling

More thoughts later but this is what i’ve got rn after rewatching the show for the third time

[lurkingshan]

Hii, hope you're doing well!! I've been meaning to check out more c-dramas. I've never really watched any, but I keep seeing them on my dash and want to start giving some a shot since I watch every other type of drama (BL or otherwise lol). I saw you post often about c-dramas, so I wanted to ask if you had any other recs besides Tender Light (which I'm planning on watching when it's done)? I'm more curious about c-dramas in general rather than any specific genre, since I'm so new to them

Hello, thank you for the ask! I'm glad my obsessive Tender Light posting has got you curious about cdramas. Some of my all time favorite dramas are from Mainland China, and I would be happy to share some recs! Since you are looking for a general sense, I am just going to give you a sampling of some of my personal favs.

Tender Light

Obviously I will be taking this opportunity to talk up this drama some more, which will be ending its run this weekend. This is, hands down, my favorite drama of the year and easily going on my top 10 dramas of all time list. It's one of the most gorgeous and precise and unflinching pieces of media I have ever seen. This is definitely one for people who love smart mystery writing, dark themes (I mean this for real, if you have a lot of triggers ask for CWs), and explorations of the human condition. It will be staying with me for a long time.

Go Ahead

Another of my all time favs (and with cast crossover from Tender Light), this is a family drama that digs deep on the meaning of family, finding your people, and resilience through intergenerational trauma. I love it so so much (I am actually rewatching it right now).

Lighter & Princess

A fantastic romance and owner of a coveted spot on the ride or die drama couples list. In this story you get to watch these two fall in love twice, first in college and then as adults, and both times it's epic.

Reset

How about a time loop thriller? This is one of the best I have ever seen, and its relatively short run keeps it tight and tense all the way through. There's a romance in this one, too, but kissing is definitely secondary to finding their way out of this death trap.

The Rebel Princess

Let's dip our toe into historicals! Granted, I still have plenty of gaps in my historical cdrama watch list (there are just so many and they're so long, I am doing my best people!) but this remains my all time favorite to date. It's epic, it's shockingly well written and paced for its length, the characters are excellent and compelling all around, and it has one of my all time favorite male leads and drama couples (another from the ride or die list!). Don't let the episode number intimidate you, it will fly by much faster than you think.

The Untamed

You watch bl so I am assuming you already know about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, but just in case I will also include this drama as a much watch. It's likely the best live action danmei we will ever get.

Love Between Fairy and Devil

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a show put all your favorite fanfic tropes in a blender, cast beautiful people to act them out, and put them in lavish costumes? Well, here is your answer.

Love and Redemption

This one's for us angst with a happy ending girlies. An epic love story with lots of pining and struggle and strife, and it's so worth it.

Falling Into You

Back to the modern era, this is a classic sports drama with a noona romance. Very unassuming but full of charm and very well executed.

Fake It Till You Make It

An unusually mature take on adult romance from a cdrama, this one is about two career focused permasingle love skeptics who meet, realize they actually like each other, and try to figure out what the hell to do with that. I love it a lot.

That should be enough to get you started! There are many many more recs to be had, so once you give some of these a try and figure out what you like, feel free to hit me up for more!

[labselkie]

i wrote this all while i was rewatching 1 and 2 w my dad chat am i cooked

this happens before everyone arrives for the coven group therapy,, that’s when most of marie’s shenanigans happen. i just have to wait for halloween to know if i should completely replace sharon or not

“I was gone for a day!” Marie began, her wings flared behind her. Her voice shook, and she nearly knocked one of the witch’s ornate lamps over. “And you replaced me!”

The Teen’s face twisted with surprise as he took a step back from the fuming little mutant.

“How in the world did I replace you?!” He barked back, the barest hint of a laugh in his voice. It’s like he didn’t believe Marie could express anything other than naive optimism.

“You know how!” She stepped forward, raising her voice like a hawk’s screech. “I was with her for four years, and you think you’ll pick up the slack just because you begged her for some hiking trip?”

Teen glances to something behind Marie, the shadow of a bystander she had yet to notice. He looks back to those once sunny eyes, dimmed with tears. Why would she be so emotional? Over someone as diabolical as Agatha? He raises his hands in a false show of innocence.

“This was my life!” Marie adds, her wings ears pressed tight to her head. “She said- She-“ Her voice breaks, but she doesn’t let up. A small hand darts out, holding tight around one of the kid’s wrists. Claw-like nails dig into his sweater, cutting through gray threads like a heated knife. Teen had tensed up, dark eyes flicking to the doorway once more. She couldn’t hurt him too much, he presumed.

“She was probably lying, Marie.” Teen mumbles, looking down at the trembling mutant. “I don’t think Agatha has an honest bone in her body.”

That’s what did it. That’s all it took.

Marie lashed out, she throws his wrist to the side, ripping through the fabric and nicking the skin. The teen stumbles back, his ankle hitting a side table just before he tumbles to the floor. The table falls with him, and the small lamp shatters at his side. Marie’s wings rise, drenched in shadow in the now darkened room. A flap, and a painting crashes beside his head; one more, and a tear falls.

“You leave her alone- Get your little road trip over with and stay out of my way-“ Marie steps forward, her gaze twisted with rage as if she were in a trance. Her wings seem to block out any other light in the room, but anyone could see the glint of tears in the avian’s eyes. “She said she loved me, and I won’t have some little shit take that from me.”

Agatha finally stepped away from the living room’s doorway, a faint scowl on her face, and an even smaller flutter in her heart.

[closetsof-backlogged-dreams]

a Mai-Azula-Ty Lee analysis bc i have Many feelings

so this is definitely super random for my blog, but i just rewatched the boiling rock (bc ofc i did lmao) and i've been obsessed w this quote since like age ten, but it just hit different this time around and i feel the need to share:

"You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you."

so. here's the thing. this quote is objectively insane for a million reasons, but i want to talk about some of the parallels we can pull from it bc imo it makes it so. much. WORSE.

"No, you miscalculated! You should have feared me more!"

here comes the main theme of this post: fear, juxtaposed with love.

i do genuinely believe that Azula loved Mai and Ty Lee. not in the way typical friends love one another, because Azula is not a typical person who learned to love in a typical way, but love nonetheless.

(we can trace this back to her relationship with her father VS her relationship with her mother. Azula had a very distinctive way of looking at her childhood: she was her father's daughter, and Zuko was her mother's son. while we never saw Azula's reaction to his banishment, whether it was positive or negative, this surely cemented this idea for her. once their mother was gone, her father had no use for him. but of course he still had use for her—he loved her.

and if her father loved her, in a father-daughter relationship fueled by fear and intimidation, and her mother didn't, in a mother-daughter relationship that wasn't, what do you think she learned of love? but we'll bring this idea back later.)

she loved them, and she trusted them, and they betrayed her.

but before i really dig into the quote, i want to go over this love-fear juxtaposition, because it is a common theme throughout her character arc as she spirals further and further.

this scene is set after the betrayal, and the fact that they brought in a hallucination of her mother is very, very important.

once again, these opposing feelings of fear and love are brought back again. before, i said that Ursa and Azula's relationship wasn't fueled by fear. but is that true? Azula says very clearly here that her mother fears her and thinks that she's a monster. And this hallucination of her mother, a figment of all her worst fears and regrets and internal conflicts, brings up Mai and Ty Lee.

And then:

Even you fear me. No. I love you, Azula. I do.

"even you fear me" "no. i love you"? this is so, so crucial to what we know about Azula and her perception of love. she views love and fear to be very closely linked, even intertwined, not something to be separated in such a way.

even you fear me — but do you love me? i don't know if you do. but you fearing me does not stop you from loving me. they are not separate entities. i do not know how to be loved if i am not feared.

no. i love you — you are my daughter. i do not fear you. i love you. they can be separate. i love you without fearing you. no, i do not fear you. i love you.

and this is Azula's breaking point. tears stream down her face and she shatters the mirror. this separation of fear and love—it's too much. she doesn't know how to handle it. she knows fear without love, but she does not know love without fear.

her relationship with Zuko is another prime example. i fully believe that Azula loved her brother, or at least cared for him in some capacity. you see it in scenes such as these:

she had no reasonable ulterior motive here. she genuinely was trying to help him and look after him—but he's also afraid of her. he's afraid of what she might do or what she wants from him, even if in this particular scene that fear is unnecessary.

even when she recruited Ty Lee, she used fear to get Ty Lee to join her:

Ty Lee is legitimately happy to see Azula, but you can see the fear on her face when she turns down Azula's offer to search for the Avatar. and then, you can see that fear again when Azula tells her she'll be attending her show. and of course, Azula sets the net on fire, and Ty Lee ends up accepting Azula's offer.

i do believe Ty Lee and Azula had genuine love for one another, but Azula just never knew how to have that love without the fear.

and finally, we come back to the quote.

I love Zuko more than I fear you. / You should've feared me more.

or: I love Zuko more than I love you. / You should've loved me more.

the use of the word "miscalculated" fits perfectly here. everyone adores Azula. she's the prodigy, the crown princess, the Fire Nation's darling. no one is supposed to love Zuko. Zuko is the failure, the banished prince, their nation's greatest shame.

you miscalculated. you were supposed to love me. you were my friend. you were my ally. i trusted you. i made you fear me. you were supposed to love me. no one loves Zuko. everyone loves me.

you miscalculated. love doesn't work like that. love doesn't come with fear. fear chases love away. you made me fear you. you made me hate you. i chose Zuko, because you don't know how to love.

and it all always comes back to Zuko, doesn't it?

but i'm yours. Zuko was mother's, and mother is long gone, and see, Zuko was a traitor. Zuko was nothing. you treated Zuko terribly because Zuko wasn't yours. but i am. i am your daughter. i am your prodigy. i am your princess. i am your heir. how dare you treat me like him. like nothing. how dare you.

i also believe that this was the true final blow that sent her spiraling into her downfall. she's extremely vulnerable here: her two most trusted friends and allies have just betrayed her, and here it is, another betrayal. where she is usually cool and collected, she is snappy and hot-headed, here.

his betrayal is quickly and immediately rectified when he informs her she will become the new Firelord. see, she's not like Zuko. Zuko is banished with no crown and no legacy. she is different. she is her father's child. Zuko is her mother's. she gets the throne. he gets nothing.

but Mai still chose Zuko. and she was absolutely furious, of course, but even this she could still handle. it's what happens after that she can't.

The thing I don't understand is why. Why would you do it?

why would you choose him? why would you choose Zuko? only one person ever chose Zuko: Mother. but she doesn't matter. she's gone. but why. why. (why do they keep choosing Zuko?)

and then, probably my favorite shot in the entire series:

Ty Lee looks at Mai, then Azula. it's barely a second long, but it speaks volumes. she's making a decision. Mai, or Azula? Mai, or Azula?

throughout our time with Ozai's Angels, it's obvious that Ty Lee is Azula's right hand woman. she goes with her everywhere. even in this scene, Ty Lee is right next to Azula the whole time.

and Mai chose Zuko. Mai chose Zuko. she says that "I love Zuko more than I love you" and she should've loved her more, and so now Azula is going to kill her. she's about to summon her lightning, and—

so Ty Lee chose Mai. and Mai chose Zuko. and her mother chose Zuko. and Azula chose her father and her nation and her ambition, and she thought her father chose her, and he did, he did.

thing about Azula: she loves. she loves Zuko, and she loves Ty Lee, and she loves Mai. but she doesn't prioritize her love the way Zuko does. her love comes last. her father comes before her love. before her father, her nation. but before all of that, her ambition.

for her ambition to ever come to fruition, she needs fear, doesn't she?

and Zuko fears her.

so she wins. right?

wrong.

she loses.

she gave up everything, absolutely everything, and she. still. loses. to fucking Zuko.

he won their mother's love. he won Mai. he, indirectly, won Ty Lee. and now he won the crown, her crown.

Azula, born lucky, born a prodigy, never wins.

[down4denki]

Ask her, dunceface.

This is my first time writing a one-shot ever so please be brutal and hurt my feelings in the comments so I can get better! I love Denki sm and shy nervous Denki is one of my favorites. I didn't proofread this, it's honestly just stream of consciousness lol

CW: not much? maybe a little cussing, jealousy, a little lusty Denki but that's not new!

Just thinking about a nervous Denki when he finally works up the courage to ask you out. Sure he’s asked out almost every 1st year girl at UA… but this is different. 

*****************

Denki has had a crush on you from the first time he saw your big, bright eyes glance over him when Mr. Aizawa introduced you as Class 1-A’s very own transfer student. He remembered the blush that painted your cheeks as you stated your name, sounding more like a song leaving your pouty pink lips than a real honorific; the way your hands wrung the sleeves of the oversized UA sweater that was definitely out of dress code to wear as large as you did; your too short skirt just peaking out of the hem of the green fleece monstrosity that was swallowing your little frame; the fresh, white Converse sneakers you’d styled perfectly with the ugly uniform- even your hair made these ugly digs seem appealing.

He gulped hard as his eyes raked your body over and over, taking advantage of the few seconds he’d been blessed with to ogle you, free of repercussions. 

**********************

Denki had asked many girls out before (and been turned down most of the time) but he’d never felt nervous like this. He had to work up the courage to ask if you needed a pencil for your test after you’d stared at the “pencil only” note written across the top of the page for 10 minutes, tapping a pen to your lips. 

“Oh… thank you. We were only allowed to use pens at my old school…” You say with a sweet smile, taking the new yellow pencil from his clammy hands. He doesn’t know what to say in the face of such beauty so he just nods and hopes his face doesn’t look too short-circuited right now. He makes a mental note to get that pencil back another day, hoping you’ll forget it’s his and tap it to your lips mindlessly too.

**********************

Denki had asked out so many girls before this, so why was sitting across from you at the lunch table trying to make small talk like an Olympic sport? Kirishima noted the little charm hanging from your bag, “Hey, is that from that one Anime?” You lit up at the question and began spewing about your love of the manga, but you didn’t become a reader until you’d watched this one anime…

“Her character is just so confident and powerful… I couldn’t help but obsess over her!” You giggle and his heart explodes.

He knows that manga… he’d jerked it to the main character a couple of times, hey you kind of look like her… He only says the second part out loud thankfully, which earns him another giggle and a bright smile.

“You think so? I always loved her hair so I tried copying the style…” You beam, running your fingers through your hair and scrunching up your cute little nose. Speaking of noses, is his bleeding? He feels lightheaded but he doesn’t dare take his eyes away from you as you go on and on about the show. “ You’ve only ever read the manga? We should watch the show together, I’ve been wanting to do a rewatch.” You conclude and all he can do is nod stupidly.

***********************

Denki had gotten used to rejection, so why did his entire body sweat profusely and his heart sink at the thought of you turning him down when he asks if you want to be a part of his team for quirk training? Your quirks were compatible, so why not? When you agree, he has a hard time not shocking everyone on the training floor to death. 

**********************

Denki was used to being the crusher and not the crush, so why does his entire world stop turning when Bakugo welcomes you to the training team with open arms and flirty, heavy-lidded eyes? And why does time stand still when you give Bakugo the same sweet smile you’d previously reserved for him?

He didn’t even think to ask Bakugo if adding you to the squad was ok, but when Bakugo lets it slide so easily he feels suspicion creep in. You’d talked to other people, you’d made friends these past few months, so was it wrong for you to have become close with the yappy blonde boy? Was it wrong for that yappy blonde boy to flash smiles reserved for very few people every time you did something cute? Was it wrong for that yappy blonde boy to watch your movements the same way Denki did? 

You bend over, hoisting a human-weight dummy over your shoulder before crossing the obstacle course first and Bakugo’s hand moves to his nose… is it bleeding? Is Denki’s heart this loud to anyone else right now? Is the room turning red? Can anyone else feel how hot his blood is boiling as you turn and smile back at the stupidly handsome, talented, blonde, yappy piece of shit boy ogling you in only the way Denki should? Did he wait too long?

*********************

Denki had asked out so many girls he could probably play the alphabet game with just the rejections he’d gotten his first year at UA alone, so why is he so terrified as he walks next to you down the school hall to your next class like he always does? Because there's a question weighing heavy on his mind. Just ask her, dunceface...

He was not going to let Bakugo beat him to asking you first, even if he was turned down. He was determined to get the words out so when he stops you, hands on your shoulders, sparks coming off his shaking frame, eyes wide and full of nerves, and the question practically falls from his mouth, he’s not expecting much. To his surprise, you don’t laugh, you don’t turn away, you don’t gut punch him and rip his heart out with your manicured nails… you smile sweetly and release a breathy huff like you’d been holding your breath for this exact question for months.

“I would love to be your date to the dance, Denki…” You beam and he has to release your shoulders, for fear of crushing them, or electrocuting you, or crying tears of joy��� “I was hoping you’d ask me.”

[scoopertrouper]

Was thinking about Barb’s funeral, the Hollands greeting Nancy and assuming she’s still with Steve + her surprise when Steve shows up.

no idea what it is about your prompts (if that was, indeed, what this even was lol), but damn.

every time i think - that's it! i'm going to write Steve and Nancy together now - i get a query like this, that digs deep inside my brain and won't let go until it's out. and then i saw this screenshot (because truthfully i had to do some googling to refresh my memory, it's been a minute since i did a full s2 rewatch) and it was game over.

this is maybe a little messy and not EXACTLY what you asked for, but I do hope, even so, that it seems true - true to the characters, and true to who they are at this particular moment in time (which, yes, is a warning for some fairly mild J&N content, if you can't hang with that at all).

it's all about the liminal spaces, man.

*~*~*

Nancy’s coat is too warm.

That’s the first thought that comes to her, staring at a coffin that will, within the hour, sit buried beneath the ground. 

Barb’s face smiles distantly at her through an altogether too-cheerful wreath of roses, next to the empty coffin as hollow as the hole it’s soon to be lowered into, and all Nancy thinks is – “I should’ve worn a different coat.” 

It’s true that it’s unseasonably warm for an early December day. But even so, the smart black blazer she’s chosen should, in theory, be perfectly appropriate for the weather. 

And yet Nancy is stifling – barricaded in by a gravesite to her front, and Jonathan to her left, and Barb’s perpetually smiling, two-dimensional face to her right. Warmth is creeping up her neck, and under her armpits, and between the shallow valley of her breasts, and she longs to rip off all her layers, to take off running until the breeze cools the sweat she can’t stop from trickling down her back.

This should be comforting, right? This is what she’s longed for – a resolution for Barb, for her parents. Acknowledgment that she’s not just missing, with all the implications that can come with that. She’s dead, and someone (something) has been held responsible for it, and now they finally get to say their last goodbyes. 

But what has this whole year been for Nancy, if not one long, drawn-out goodbye? A goodbye to Barb, to her innocence, to the ability to even walk down the driveway at night without jumping at the smallest sounds. 

A goodbye to…no. Nancy shakes herself. She’s not going there. Not today, at least.

“Nancy?” Jonathan nudges her, concern plain on his face (plain to her, anyway, and she’s grateful she’s gotten to know him well enough to read that). “I know the Rotary Club’s wreath is pretty ugly, but setting it on fire with your eyes isn’t gonna make it better.” 

It’s exactly the kind of dumb-serious joke she needs to jolt her from the death stare she’s been leveling at the casket for the past five minutes, and it’s doubly effective because it’s Jonathan, whose quips usually masquerade as wry commentary on the disarray of his life. (Nancy’s new place in it notwithstanding, of course. She thinks.)

But it’s also jarring, knocking her even more off-axis because, well, telling stupid jokes to snap Nancy out of it when she’d get too far inside her own head was usually how – 

No. 

Not. Thinking. About. It.

Because Nancy’s not thinking about…it, she slips her hand into his. It’s chapped, but warm, and it fits better against hers with every passing day. Even if sometimes she’s startled to find the fingers are too long and the palm too narrow. 

She gives him her best attempt at a smile.

“Sorry. This is…a lot harder than I thought it would be,” she admits. Then, because it feels right, she squeezes his hand. “Thanks for coming with me today.”

Jonathan opens his mouth to speak, but before she can find out what he plans to say, a familiar voice cuts in.

“Nancy?” It’s Barb’s mom. “Oh, honey, I’m so glad you made it.”

Just the sight of her – red-rimmed eyes, clearly in between bouts of crying – makes Nancy’s throat ache.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” she replies, returning the surprisingly fierce hug Mrs. Holland offers. She resists the overwhelming impulse to squeeze her own eyes shut. 

Nancy had been prepared to give up far more than she’d ultimately had to to ensure this day would come – but everything she’d been ready to sacrifice would still have paled in comparison to the totality of this woman’s loss.

“It’s not the way I’d hoped our search would end,” Mrs. Holland sniffs, dabbing at her eye with a well-used tissue, “but at least this way, we get to say goodbye.”

She doesn’t look particularly grateful – in fact, she looks gutted, like she’s been turned inside out and scraped down to the last ragged, exposed nerve. 

For one wild moment, Nancy wonders if it would have been better for them to spend the rest of their lives wondering. Living with the hope that Barb was still out there somewhere, and might find her way home to them. 

Wonders if the closure she’d been trying to secure for them had actually been a selfish disservice. Not everyone, after all, is as desperate for the truth – as willing to compromise everything to get it – as Nancy. She’s realizing that, now.

But it’s too late to wonder. What’s done is done, and at least now they have something to visit when they miss her.

Mrs. Holland seems to have drawn herself back together, and Nancy’s prepared for her to move on, to steel her spine and greet the next group of sympathizers, but instead she’s casting her eyes around.

“Where’s Steve, honey? I’d love to say hi to him before the ceremony starts, he was always so sweet to come with you to see us.”

Jonathan stiffens beside her, and for a full five seconds Nancy freezes – no thoughts, no breathing, heart displaced into her throat. 

Even through the haze of her own grief, it doesn’t take Mrs. Holland long to clock Jonathan, standing closer to Nancy than most good friends would, or to recognize the tension apparent in both their postures. Nancy doesn’t let go of his hand, but it’s a very near thing.

She doesn’t know what excuse she’s going to stammer out to break the stilted silence – doesn’t even know what, exactly, she’s trying to excuse – when she’s saved by the best, worst interruption.

“Hey, Mrs. Holland. Sorry I’m a little late, I got held up at the doctor’s office.”

He appears over Mrs. Holland’s shoulder like a shadow – a shadow with at least half-a-head’s height on her. He cuts a darker figure than Nancy is used to, dressed for the occasion as he is in somber charcoals and blacks. 

(With an uncomfortable start, she realizes she recognizes the sweater he’s wearing. She’s the one who’d picked it for him, an impulse buy on a lazy Saturday afternoon at the Bloomington Gap. It looks as good on him in person now as she’d imagined it would then.)

The plain delight on Mrs. Holland’s face goes a long way toward easing the worst of the awkwardness. Steve accepts her hug and congenial pat on the cheek with a surprised smile, and it’s clear that he’s touched by how touched Barb’s mom is.

“Thank you for coming, Steve. It means the world to see people showing up for our Barb.”

“Wouldn’t miss it, Mrs. Holland,” he says, echoing Nancy’s sentiments with full sincerity. 

Nancy is overwhelmed by a shame that rakes claw marks up the inside of her throat, because hadn’t she just been prepared to explain away his absence based on the assumption that he would?

This, for whatever reason, wasn’t an eventuality she’d prepared herself for, even considering he’d diligently showed up to every dinner with (somewhat) minimal complaint, had made polite conversation through the most painful pauses, and had somehow managed to win over Barb’s parents to the extent that her mother was asking after him at their daughter’s funeral.

(If Barb could only see them now.)

Through all of this, he doesn’t look at Nancy once, and that absence lands about as gently as a haymaker to her solar plexus. 

“Well.” Mrs. Holland clears her throat, appearing seconds away from dissolving again. “Don’t be strangers. We’d love to have you both –” she catches herself, eyes darting between them, and then Jonathan, and then back, “– we’d love to have you over sometime for dinner again soon.”

With a brief parting squeeze of Nancy’s shoulder, she moves on to Karen and Ted, and Nancy lets out a tight breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. 

Finally, with no other distractions at hand, Steve acknowledges them, proffering a brief nod he doesn’t wait to see returned before he’s crossing to Jonathan’s left, settling a careful handful of paces away from them. 

It stings, and Nancy considers saying something – what does she have a right to say, really? – but there’s no time, because the service is already starting.

It’s excruciating.

It’s barely 30 minutes long, and Nancy feels every single second of them. Almost immediately, Mrs. Holland loses the composure she’d managed to cling to through talking to Nancy, Steve, and Nancy’s parents, and now she’s sobbing into her husband’s shoulder, heaving sounds that echo painfully across the cemetery.

Steve is standing several feet away, still as a stone, but she feels his presence so acutely that he might as well be as close to her as Jonathan currently is. 

She wishes he hadn’t come at all. Wishes he could make it easy for her to turn the page away from the Steve-and-Nancy chapter of her life – wishes she could write him off as an obvious mistake that dragged on way too long before crashing to its inevitable conclusion.

Instead, he keeps stubbornly defying her expectations. Letting her go with Jonathan with unbearable grace. Keeping her brother and his friends safe (even after he’d already been beaten to shit). Showing up for Barb’s funeral when he’d known she’d be here and had every reason not to come.

It’s maddening, because – look, she doesn’t regret her choice, okay? Jonathan is just – he’s a better fit. He’s been there for her, been with her, and he gets her. He gets that sometimes you can’t create understanding by explaining.

Gets that – that anger entwined with despair that she can’t control, this huge, black feeling inside that festers and grows until it demands an outlet, requires a purpose or a target so that it doesn’t turn inward and hit self-destruct. 

She doesn’t have to describe that to Jonathan – not in words – and it’s a relief, because she wouldn’t even know where to begin. 

So no, what she’s experiencing isn’t regret – at least, it doesn’t usually feel like it. But sometimes it might get close, on the odd occasion she sees him around school, tossing his perfect hair and flashing his surprisingly kind smile. All good looks and casual charm, with that little bit of Steve Harrington je ne sais quoi that Nancy has always admired and resented in equal measure (especially when it has girls twirling their hair at him in study hall, from the seat that used to be Nancy’s).

Or on the evenings when she can see his Beemer through the living room picture window, passenger side doors flinging open so that Dustin – usually only Dustin, but sometimes Dustin plus Lucas, or Max, or even Mike – can spill out into the street, chattering a mile a minute, shouting back at the driver’s side even as they make their way to the front door.

Especially during times like those, she can’t help but wonder – if he’d been like this while they were still dating, would that have changed things? Or was he always like this, and she was too wrapped up in herself and her guilt to notice?

She doesn’t like the way it makes her feel, to think about that, so she usually pushes it out of her mind. 

Nancy has spent far too long feeling far too terrible about things that are far outside of her control, and she’s just – she’s tired. Exhausted. Because she did what she set out to do: she got Barb’s parents the answers they needed to move on. 

Even if it doesn’t feel as good, as victorious, as final as she thought it would – it’s done. And now, it’s time for her to move on. From everything. Including Steve Harrington.

(Hopefully.)

She spends much of the remainder of the service in a fuzzy, numb fugue, barely aware of more than the anchor of Jonathan’s hand and the sound of Mrs. Holland crying, which has quieted to small snuffles that are somehow worse than the sobbing. 

It’s terrible – she’s been waiting for this moment, this closure, for more than a year – but now, she can’t wait for it to end. Needs it to end so that she can shove the dull hurt into the overstuffed closet in her mind, right next to her anger and whatever it is she still feels when she looks at Steve. So that she can lock it up and walk away from it for good.

She’s been waiting for this for more than a year, but the next ten minutes feel even harder to get through than that. 

But finally, the end comes. The reverend says a final prayer, the casket is lowered into the open grave, and Barb Holland is put to rest, in spirit if not in body. 

Nancy doesn’t think she’s been crying, but when she lifts her face and feels the breeze against the damp-tight skin of her cheeks, she realizes she must’ve been. She was warm before, but now she’s cold, and she wipes the tear tracks from her face with her sleeve. 

The Hollands are still standing in a tight clutch over the gravesite, showing no signs of moving anytime soon, but Nancy doesn’t know if she can stay another minute. 

(She doesn’t think she’s needed for this part, anyway.)

“Nancy?” Jonathan murmurs at her, asking without asking if she’s ready to leave, taking her small nod as tacit assent. 

As they’re turning to go, she accidentally locks eyes with Steve, who’s turning in the same direction, and she barely stops herself from flinching back.

There’s a barely-there line of bruising still visible on the right side of his forehead, and all at once, she remembers that he’d said he was late because he’d been held up at the doctor’s. 

Her first impulse is to ask – are you okay? Nothing about the way Billy Hargrove had brutalized his face was within the bounds of a normal high school fight, and it makes her sick that that shithead is still swaggering around school like he owns it, hitting up parties and leaving a trail of swooning rejects in his wake.

But are you okay? is the kind of privileged information she doesn’t have a right to anymore – and the question is too broad for her to be brave enough to want to know how he’d answer. So she bites her tongue against asking, swallows it down and instead says – 

“Thanks for coming today.” It’s barely a whisper, and he and Jonathan are both visibly surprised. “You didn’t have to.”

Steve’s mouth flattens.

“Of course I did,” he responds immediately. “Jesus, Nancy, I’m not that big of a –” He fumbles his words and looks covertly around, clearly rethinking whatever he was about to say based on the surroundings and circumstances. “I was just – I was never not gonna come, okay?”

He mumbles it, staring at the ground with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and Nancy feels that sense of shame clawing up her throat again. Sometimes, she forgets. Sometimes, she gets so caught up in the fact that Barb died because Nancy left her that she forgets – it was his pool.

She doesn’t know what to say; somehow, she doesn’t think I’m sorry is gonna cut it for this or anything else that’s happened over the last couple of months, and she’s not even completely sure what she’d be apologizing for in the first place. But she tries. 

“No, Steve, I didn’t mean it like –” He cuts in before she can even form half of a coherent sentence, rocking back on his feet.

“It’s fine, no big,” he exhales in a rush. “Anyway, I gotta go get Dustin before he blows, like, a year’s allowance trying to beat Max’s Centipede score. So. Uh, see you both around school, I guess.”

She thinks both she and Jonathan make some vague noises of agreement, but he’s already escaping down the hill to his car in fast, long steps. 

Out of the blue, she realizes that he must’ve shortened his stride for her when they were together. There’s no way she’d have been able to keep up, otherwise. 

(Funny, considering it always felt like he was the one who needed to catch up to her.)

If this had happened just two months ago, Nancy thinks, she would’ve been standing next to him during the service. Holding on to him, and matching (trying to match) his steps. Sliding into the front passenger seat of his car like she belonged there. Maybe he would’ve driven away with just one hand, keeping hers in the other – or maybe he would’ve given her a soft, lingering kiss to try to chase the day’s troubles away. 

It wouldn’t have worked, but she would’ve liked the feeling anyway. 

That was then, though. Now, she’s following Jonathan to his little clunker that starts as often as it doesn’t. And he can’t hold her hand, because he needs both to manage the wonky steering. 

But he’ll distract her by asking which tape she wants to listen to on the way back to his place, and when they get there he’ll hold her in silence until she feels like talking. And that – that works, too.

It’s not perfect. It won’t make the itching under her skin go away, and it won’t quell the constant urge she has to do and solve and act. But in its own way, it’ll feel as nice as soft kisses over the dashboard, and isn’t that enough? 

Nothing is perfect, which is a truth that sometimes it feels like Nancy is taking the most painful path possible toward learning. Life is, as it turns out, a series of compromises. Maybe the Hollands won’t ever learn how their daughter truly died, but then again, maybe the almost-truth is good enough. It serves the same purpose, regardless.

Nancy has made her choices. They’re not perfect, not even close, but they’re her own, and she’s happy with them. 

Happy enough.

[neurosiscocktail]

OFMD finale spoilers ahead-

I’m on my third rewatch because I read the Vanity Fair article, and I’ve heard some really interesting opinions that differed from my own, and so I rewatched it with all of that in mind. unfortunately I still just think the last episode was not great. Some stuff I really enjoyed, but a lot that I didn’t.

1) no one searched the hostage for weapons? You’re telling me not one of the people who have been pirates most of their lives thought to search the hostage.

2) Izzy might have insisted, but putting the most notable and visibly recognizable pirate on your crew front and center feels like a very stupid move. A large part of this season was about Stede learning to be a pirate, and it feels like they slashed his character development and Ed, Izzy, Fang, Roach, and several other crew members critical thinking skills because they wanted to kill Izzy.

3) they did a good job foreshadowing his death. I kind of always knew it was coming, but wasn’t paying much attention because I didn’t want to. I really dig the fairytale themes. Someone else mentioned this and once I was looking for it I really loved it!

4) now that I’m looking for it, I see a lot of places where Izzy was a mentor and I get what he was going for and don’t mind it, really like it in some ways. however, the docking joke made me very uncomfortable now that he’s said Ed sees Izzy as a father figure. (I think I was a little delayed on seeing this because I was busy making jokes about how they were cowards for not hiring a child to play Izzy, since in real life he was estimated 15 years old when ~38 year old Ed and Stede met)

5) now that I’ve rewatched it with the writers intent in mind, I still think the “killing your redeemed antagonists” and the “killing your mentors because they have nothing left to teach” troupes are bad and lazy. Knowing that that’s what he was going for didn’t make it less so. I thought it might. If you love this troupe, more power to you, they did a good job with it and this finale was probably right up your alley. I unfortunately find it to be lazy writing and the troupe stopped being good 40 years ago.

6) Lucius was AMAZING this season. I thought his arc dealing with his trauma was very good and very realistic. I love that they didn’t just hand wave off his experience, but had him deal with things in a tangible way.

7) again, I still don’t understand why cartoon rules apply to everyone but Izzy and this gunshot wound.

8) I really loved the relationships between Izzy and the crew this season but especially him and Jim, Frenchie, and Lucius. I thought the casual intimacy really showed how their relationships developed.

9) His death speech and funeral were worse on the second and third watch when I was really paying attention and not bawling my eyes out. Ed has really… not been forgiven by the crew. A lot of them did, but Lucius sure didn’t, and it seems like they accepted his ‘apology’ but they still don’t trust him. So to have his death speech, one, include him taking more accountability for Blackbeard, which Ed hasn’t done at all yet, and then follow it up with the crew being his family who love him felt weird. It felt like that speech was written when we had 2 more episodes of character growth that got cut. Because that did not seem like how they felt. There really wasn’t much happening with the crew during his death or funeral which felt weird. Except Roach at the funeral. That was excellent.

- addendum: I know that death speeches in shows are for the protagonist but I feel like some of it should have been about him, and not an apology? The whole thing just felt awkward. And we have heard from creators that Izzy is a deeply sentimental man, not burying him with his ring and using it as a grave marker where anyone could steal it felt bad.

10) I felt when they first introduced the prince that he was supposed to be a wake up call for Stede. It seemed like he was meant to represent what Stede could have been. A spoiled rich brat with no common sense or thoughts about how his actions effect others. Someone who views themself as a main character and everyone else is a supporting role. When he was first introduced it felt like that was supposed to be a wake up call for Stede- “this is what you could have been if you didn’t want to be better. If you weren’t kinder and more empathetic” and I thought that started off really well, but then it felt like they took back some of Stede’s character development and it didn’t pack as big of a punch.

11) I really feel like Stede and Ed have not been put in a good position to be successful in the very intense relationship they have just started. They have just decided to completely isolate themselves, when we just had a whole episode foreboding doing that. I LOVE Mary and Anne, but I do feel like the finale had Ed and Stede just ignore every warning they got and I feel like that’s been disappointing- feeling like their characters were making progress but ended somewhere where they didn’t actually make any progress. It was all very romantic but lends itself to 0 longevity.

12) Ed especially felt stunted this season. Stede made some great progress, but Ed just kept running away from his problems, figuratively and literally and not taking accountability. I love Ed, but I think if I didn’t already love him before watching this season, this season wouldn’t have convinced me to. I’m not sure where that leaves us for season 3- I think maybe that season will be about him having to actually face himself, and I look forward to it.

Overall I feel like I could have really loved this season if the writers were given more budget and time, and they weren’t, and that’s not their fault. However, I’m really not thrilled about the product we were left with. Which is unfortunately kind of what MAX wants because it has really seemed like they’ve been trying to cut this wildly successful show.

Again, dissatisfaction with a season is not a reason to harass other fans, writers, or actors. I’d love to hear how other people are feeling about things

[mirambles]

Guilty Pleasure Kdramas - Descendants of the Sun.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon I rewatched Descendants of the Sun. For all its flawed writing, an ending twist that none of us needed, I still love this drama and the main reason is how charming Song Joong Ki is as Captain Yoo Si Jin. SJK is not a strong built muscular man - the ones who would usually fit the bill of an army captain. The script writer even takes a jovial dig at this when Kim Ji Won’s character says he looks like a girl. Despite his slim face and petite frame he carries off the role with lot of panache. You can’t take your eyes off the screen everytime he is on it.

His confessions of love I can rewatch many times. No wonder the line should I confess or should I apologise went viral when the show aired and still features amongst the top dialogues in KDramas.

YooSiJin is witty and sarcastic, confident and brave, empathetic with strong morals, charming at flirting and dropping lines that are cheesy, but will still make your heart flutter and as a bonus is handsome. What’s not to love about him?

SHK looks gorgeous and while I am not a fan of her acting, I couldn’t stop being in awe of how pretty she looked in what are simple day outfits - cotton dresses , linen shirts and shorts rightly suiting the climate the drama is based in. The wardrobe I aspire to have! Once back to Korea she is in baggy trousers, long jumpers or scrubs and still looks ethereal.

This is the first drama of Kim Ji Won that I watched and her chemistry with JinGoo was sizzling! I was as invested in the second leads as I was in the main leads. While the angst and breakup owing to the father dragged on, at no point did those two bore you.

SJK and JinGoo’s bromance is also amongst my favourite bromances in Kdramaland. Despite the clear difference in their army ranks - their loyalty , respect , unwavering support and love for each other was evident in every single frame.

I can rarely enjoy dramas if the supporting cast is not good and this one has a good squad in the medical and army gang who kept the atmosphere light and funny. The white actor as the villain was unbearable to watch and later in my kdrama journey I would realise this is the norm - they are just bad actors and maybe dramas don’t have the budget to hire good non-Korean actors.

Not to forget to mention that this drama’s soundtrack remains amongst my top 3! YoonMiRae’s Always remains my top Kdrama song ever!

People call the drama cheesy, the plot all over the place, and that the last twist of back from the dead in the last two episodes dragged the show down! I don’t debate any of this and ultimately we all have our guilty pleasures. Guilty pleasures are exactly this - we know they are flawed, but if watching the drama gives you joy, you will keep rewatching it. As I do with DOTS - because even after 4 years and multiple rewatches, I can’t get over the charm of Song Joong Ki as Captain Yoo Sijin. I have since loved him in Vincenzo and ReBorn Rich, but both had no romance plots and I would really like him back on my screen wooing his lady love!

So tell me which KDramas are your guilty pleasures?

[spaceorphan18]

Have you read the latest script of K&J's podcast about the Michael episode? I'm very interested in hearing your thoughts. They were talking about Jenna acting out and being forced to take time off. And they mentioned being upset because other people were acting out and getting storylines or being given time off to do other things. The later one is def about D since he went to do the musical but I can't believe he would act out for that, it's like totally OOC.

Same anon as before as I was just finishing to read the script. They did indeed talk about Darren being written off and I'm debating if I should listen this time because the way it's written they seem very jealous of him. I'm getting upset by just reading this. So I'm still very curious about your thoughts about it if and when you have the chance to read/listen to it.

I actually figured you guys were all tired of my opinions, lol.

Yes, I did kind of skim the transcript this morning because I saw people talking about it and was curious. And, I have a lot of complicated feelings about the whole thing.

First of all, though, I say this with love to all the Blaine and Darren fans out there -- Kevin and Jenna are never going to be able to be objective when doing this podcast. I keep thinking about all the other rewatch podcasts I listen to, and how all of them - even when discussing things that were hard to go through and/or things that weren't that great with the show - have a level of decorum that Kevin and Jenna just do not have. I do not know why they began this podcast, but digging into the show on a media analysis level just is not where their talents lie.

(Also, I don't think they love Glee the way those other podcasters genuinely love their show and that just colors how they see things. I'll get more into this in a moment...)

And I get that it's frustrating. Believe me, I do. There are plenty of Kurt things they do not talk about that drive me nuts. But at the same time, I feel like the 'recaps' have boiled down to praising Naya, Amber, and themselves; commentating on whatever BTS stuff comes up, and discussing shit on TikTok. I'm not sure why they're even bothering with the 'recaps', tbh.

But guys - if this podcast is upsetting you, if you're finding yourself this anxious or mad or whatever -- it's time to stop. They're not going to change how they do things, and at this point, I'm not entirely sure what you're waiting for from them? Maybe it's time to stop hate listening <3 <3

***

As for the acting out -- I think a lot of the cast probably did. I'm sure Lea was a terror to work with at times. I'm sure Mark probably wasn't easy either. I know Naya spoke up on a lot of things -- though the producers didn't take as much issue with her until the Season 5 drama. Chris was pretty vocal about choices with his character. I can imagine Amber being just as frustrated with Mercedes' lack of anything to do. Didn't Heather say she kept it all inward? And what about Diana who really seems to not ever want to talk about Glee again?

So - who knows what acting out means, tbh.

Keeping all of this in context -- this cast was very tired by the time Season 3 came around. There were too many characters to service, they keep adding ones in, and they were all very young. (And for those of you who are experiencing your early 20s right now? I hate to say this to you -- but you are all still very young.) Added on the fact that the producers clearly did not understand their mental health needs (as evident about how apologetic Ryan Murphy seems to be about all of it) you get a lot of young people expressing their frustration in a lot of different ways over a lot of different things.

I think that Jenna has some very, very complicated feelings about the show -- and in particular about this era because this is where she had a rather big break down. You know what, I do feel for her, because I can see where she's coming from. I can't imagine - feeling like you're tied to a job where everyone around you seems to be getting a better deal than you, and you're trying to be the nice one, and eventually, holding all of that inwardly will make you crack. I'm glad she went to therapy. I kinda hope she's still going to therapy because it seems as though a lot of this is still bothering her.

And I don't really think that Darren, specifically, is ultimately what led to Jenna's breakdown. I think it was a lot of things compounding on each other and Darren on Broadway might have been the last straw that caused her to crack.

I will say (again with all the love to Darren, I adore the guy) there was underground talk that when Darren first got there - he didn't exactly handle his newfound fame in the most eloquent of ways -- in that he was a little on the pompous side. But again, that was age, and by the time Season 4 came around, by all accounts that I came across, he was friends with everyone.

That said - none of this is Darren's fault. It's not Darren's fault that Ryan Murphy handled his young cast and their mental health very badly. It's not Darren's fault that he jumped on opportunities when they arose. It's not Darren's fault that through his natural talents Blaine became a way more popular character than half the original cast. And it's not Darren's fault that Jenna has her own shit to deal with.

***

So, yeah...

I guess those are my thoughts.

And I'm still here enjoying Kurt, Blaine, Chris, and Darren -- and believe it or not, a lot of the show in general. And I don't really listen to Kevin and Jenna's podcast anymore because they just don't care about the things I do -- and that's fine.

[cleoselene]

the top 5

So I'm not really a film buff. I like a lot of movies, but I'm a tv person. TV is my love, TV is where my passion is. And I've been mulling over the question of what are my actual top 5 favorite TV shows of all time?

I can tell you the top three easily:

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - uncontested favorite show of all time. Perfect characterization. Covers nearly every genre you can think of. Intricate, deliberate, patient storytelling. Gets a reputation for being the "dark" Star Trek but is still loads brighter and more hopeful than anything labeled "Star Trek" after 9/11. The writing is so strong, the characters are so lovingly crafted, there are over 100 incredible episodes to dig into. It doesn't overwhelm you with anything, when the story is very serialized, it gives you a break. When the story gets too intense, it takes a turn and gives you something lighter. I have SO MANY OPINIONS about how fandom kind of lets me down in its appreciation of this show but my appreciation of it is perfect.

Six Feet Under - beginning to end, uniformly wonderful quality. Claire Fisher and I went through a few too many of the same experiences as young women in the early '00s. I think if we're lucky, we find a television show that portrays experiences in a way that are true to us, and Six Feet Under speaks a certain kind of truth for me. Claire and I had the same cynical views, the same confusion in early adulthood, the same flirtations with sinister older men, the same asshole artist boyfriend who got us pregnant and then acted like when she/I had to get an abortion it was all about HIM. That complicated, painful relationship a young woman has with her mother, that's fraught with fighting and pain and a fierce kind of love. And the most perfect, beautiful ending in television history. My only complaint with SFU is that Nate Fisher is an incredibly difficult character to sit through on rewatch (and on first watch honestly) but I forgive it because through Nate we get Brenda, who is the Difficult Woman that fandom always claims they want to have to love but always hates when they get her. Brenda is amazing. I love Brenda.

Twin Peaks - a multi-decade obsession that I don't think I need to get into too deeply here because I have been fawning over it on this blog for months, but a few notes: This show takes a single tragedy and doesn't allow you to get over it, in a television landscape that encourages you to consume a new violence every week and then forget about it, Laura Palmer's death has lingers with us for over three decades because it should. It should be terrible and awful and painful. Twin Peaks also came about when crime media like Silence of the Lambs was telling us that the true evil scary bad guy was a crossdressing serial killer, when television soap operas coded crossdressing as a deviant, evil behavior, and said, "one of our explicitly coded good people is transgender." Twin Peaks told us that the killer is not some weird other, but as it is in reality, someone more familiar and mundane that we try to imagine is a terrifying monster to cope with the brutal mundane reality. And that's just the tip of a massive iceberg when it comes to what this piece of interpretive art is tackling. The wonderful thing about Twin Peaks is that you can read a million theories trying to define exactly what it's about and they can all be correct, because it's not just about consumable tv violence or trying to make monsters out of the mundane, it's about how we perceive our realities and so, so much more. The iceberg's depth is endless.

and then after those top three, I struggle to round out the top five. I have other shows I LOVE, but hesitate to put in with these elite three, for a variety of reasons. I love Star Trek: TNG and Voyager, but the uneven quality I think kicks them off the top five. Voyager has brilliance but some really dog bad episodes, TNG has some whole bad seasons.

HBO's "Rome" is an obsession that was so potent while it lasted that I am tempted, but it was a 2 season show and the quality fell off badly because the plot was majorly rushed in S2. I don't think it qualifies for top five, either.

My most recent sci-fi obsession is The Orville in that it really comes close to hitting the sweet spots the 90s Treks hit within the limitations of shorter modern television seasons, but I don't know if it's a complete work yet. I HOPE NOT. Season 3 was as beautiful and wonderful as modern television gets. It's got major top 5 potential.

Legend of the Seeker is up there with Rome in that the obsession was potent but way too brief: a 2 season affair. It's tempting to put this one in the top 5 because honestly I had almost no complaints about it. It adapted absolutely dog-awful atrocious shit source material and Raimi/Tapert gave it the same magic they infused into Xena to make it a really fun, progressive show. I want to give it a top 5 spot just because IT DESERVED BETTER AND EVERYONE ON IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. Also the fandom was super fun and I made really good friends in it and it was just a really joyful show to watch. It made me feel happy. TV doesn't make me feel happy enough anymore. Usually it makes me feel depressed *cough all the new Star Treks, cough* but Legend of the Seeker just lifted me UP. It was syndicated and I worked graveyard shift and I would get home after working all night at 7am and watch the new episode before bed and it was just. Such a boost of happiness.

Finally, I think Farscape deserves a slot. I don't know where. I am WAY overdue for a Farscape rewatch. After the roommates and I get through DS9 (one of them has never seen it!!) we are going to Farscape next. I always love telling people that Farscape is like Star Trek if Star Trek allowed itself to be kinky. What was that one TWOP description of Farscape? "American man lost in the Australian S&M scene." Roflcopter. Also, John/Aeryn is one of the more epic ships of all time. OF ALL TIME.

[keldjinfae]

I was tagged by the lovely @greyhavenisback, and I cannot for the life of me remember if I've already responded to this post or not, so...

In no particular order, my Top 10 Movies:

Inception - it has Marion Cotillard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy, and Ken Watanabe. That would be enough if it didn't also have one of the most goosebump-inducing soundtracks of all... Time. It also set sail one of my all-time favorite ships with the creation of Arthur and Eames.

The Dark Knight - while this list won't be entirely comprised of Nolan movies, I can't not put this one on this list, considering how many times I saw it in theaters. Both Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart were mesmerizing as the Joker and Two-Face, and again, that soundtrack is fire (I'm sorry).

Saw (the entire series) - I went to see all of these so many damn times in theaters that it's a good thing I got to see them for free. Every weekend, provided something new hadn't been released, my friend and I went to see whichever Saw movie was still showing. And again, isn't it iconic?

Tombstone - yes, obviously there's Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday, but there's also Kurt Russell, Sam Elliott, Bill Paxton, Powers Boothe, Michael Biehn, Stephen Lang, Billy Zane, Thomas Hayden Church, and nobody's leaving it up to one man to carry the movie. It's also one that I used to watch with my father at least once a year, usually around the anniversary of his separation from my mother, and we'd pass a bottle of bourbon back and forth and rant about how insane it is that Kilmer wasn't even nominated for an Oscar.

John Wick (the entire series) - it's a thing of beauty to me that what should just be a bunch of "shoot 'em up" movies have such an insane amount of worldbuilding to them (and if anyone bothering to read this post knows anything about my writing, it's how much I build a world before I start writing the story in the first place). The action is gorgeous, the actors themselves are gorgeous, the development and usage of things as simple as slang is gorgeous, the soundtrack is gorgeous. You can also never go wrong with Ian McShane.

The Warriors - this was legit one of our family movie night features while my sister and I were growing up. Yes, there were animated movies and whatnot, but our parents were very lax about rating restrictions. We still regularly quote "CAN YOU DIG IT?!" and "Warriooooooooors! Come out to plaaaaaaaay!" Also, James Remar as Ajax was 🔥.

Interview with the Vampire - Tom Cruise may be an... interesting individual in real life, but the effort he put into portraying Lestat was sheer perfection. I used to watch this one all the time with my dad and my sister, and again, killer soundtrack.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World - a movie that decided to bring together every single comedian of the time that they possibly could, as well as come up with relevant things for them to do. Sounds impossible "on paper," and yet this movie exists. I've been watching it since I was a child and I still laugh through the whole thing. Buddy Hackett is also basically my father in this movie, which makes Mickey Rooney both myself and my sister. "NO ONE'S FLYING THE PLANE!"

21 Jump Street and 22 Jump Street - I laughed so hard watching the first one that my vision literally whited out at one point. Everyone is fantastic in both movies, but 21JS is also the first time I got to see Channing Tatum's understated sense of humor.

Kill Bill (both volumes) - I could have just filled up most of these slots with Tarantino movies, honestly, because I do love just about all of them (and my dad had a particular fondness for Django Unchained), but my sister and I rewatch I and II at least once a year. They make up one masterpiece, and I may be in the minority but I hope III is never actually a serious prospect.

No pressure whatsoever tags: @dear-massacre @nerdherderette @vmures @renmackree @ephemeronidwrites

[bending-sickle]

h'okay so i am rewatching dawn of the planet of the apes (2014) and just have like, this one rant about a detonating interaction:

okay so the humans have trespassed a second time and asked to be allowed to work on the hydroelectric plant, which is no innocent little exercise

Dreyfus: [That] power... is not just about keeping the lights on. It's about giving us the tools to reconnect to the rest of the world. To find out who else is out there so that we can start to rebuild and reclaim the world we lost.

and koba reiterates his "this is a bad fucking idea, Caesar, giving them power will bite us in the ass, we should go to war"

and like, he's not even being paranoid either because:

Dreyfus: I'm gonna take some men up to Fort Point. I'm gonna go through the armory. I'm gonna see what's still working. Three days. You're not back in three days we're going up there, and we're gonna kill every last one of them.

so while caesar is letting the humans do their Human Work (and ooooh, when koba snaps back with his scars as evidence of Human Work), koba is off seeing the arsenal being readied.

which means he both misses seeing:

alvarez carver endanger caesar's newborn

carver smuggle in a gun and threaten apes with it

apes helping pull humans out of the rubble of their own making

ellie saving cornelia's life with medicine

but like. he's just been to the city and seen the humans getting ready to destroy them all, so he's a little distressed when he finds caesar with the humans at the hydro:

Koba: Just came from the city. Humans very dangerous! Where is Caesar? Blue Eyes: With the humans... Foster: Yo, Alex. This relay's busted. See if there's another one. Yeah. Koba: [enters] Caesar. [pushes Alex aside; Alex falls] Alex: Hey! Koba: [snarls at Alex] Malcolm: [getting between the two] No! No, no, no, don't! No! No! No! Maurice: [stands in Koba's way]

[which, idk man, if a super angry ape on a mission shoves me aside i would not utter an annoyed dude wtf "hey!" at him]

Koba: [cont.] Where Caesar? Want Caesar. Caesar! Caesar: [shows himself] Koba: Humans attack your sons. You let them stay! Put apes in danger! Caesar love humans more than apes! More than your sons.

and like okay the last dig must've stung but the first bit? valid as fuck. and what does caesar do? absolutely whales on him. i'm talking ketamine ape levels. doesn't say anything at all, just screams and goes right for it. he beats the shit out of koba and has his hands around koba's throat.

you know, the ape who just a few days ago had said:

Koba: For years I was a prisoner in their lab. They cut me. Tortured me. You freed me. I would do anything you ask.

and he clearly has every intent of killing his right-hand arm man. his silly rabbit ape and friend:

Caesar: [making a visible effort to stop himself] Ape not kill ape.

all for *checks notes* barging in and saying "yo dude wtf"

and then what happens?

Koba: Forgive me.

and it's like...wtf for, my guy? for taking a beating and attempted-murder in front of friend and foe? for going "dude wtf are you doing with the enemy who is literally right this second raiding their arsenal to come kill us all?"

and then caesar's like "oh koba only learned hate from humans, he's all dark and twisted and evil" like my brother on a different evolutionary tree, consider your actions for one second

* why in the fuck was an infant taken on this outing with enemies, far away from its mother or any sort of safety? i don't fucking know. i thought caesar was smart.

[beachy--head]

I recently rewatched the dinner party episode from season 12, and I absolutely love the dress April is wearing! It suits her so well and I'm pretty sure that Jackson agreed, so... drabble time, I guess.

Oh, and this one is slightly NSFW.

___

She's not going to win.

Of course, if asked, she would deny there's any sort of competition or provocation going on. That she's here, at Meredith's dinner party from hell, to support her friends. Mostly Arizona, who looks already drunk, and Mer, who looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. And sure, April is not the type to play mind games (not consciously anyways), but there's no way she decided to wear this dress just to help out her friends.

Because the universe hates him, he had to bump into her right when he gets to Mer's house. He knows he spends his days being mad at her lately, but as they greet each other, unsure of what to say, he still can't help but notice the dress she's wearing, a dress he doesn't recognize (but then, it's not like he's seen her a lot in the past year and a half). Now April is the type of person who could wear a potato sack and still look amazing, but there's something about this particular dress and the way she moves that makes him drink in every detail. Her eyes, big, unsure, hopeful. The curve of her neck. Her curled hair, bouncing when she moves. The way the dress clings to April's back side. Her toned legs. He clears his throat, turning his head so she doesn't notice the effect she still has on him (and isn't it ridiculous, that he feels that he has to hide the fact that he's checking out his wife?), and tries to extricate himself from their stilted conversation.

If he avoids her all evening, maybe he can do this.

It's easier said than done, because even when she's not next to him, he finds that his eyes are looking for her, observing her from afar as she tries (and fails) to rein Arizona in, as she saves the entire dinner party by cooking (he misses a lot of things about her, and her cooking is part of them), as she just sits and looks almost as miserable as him.

Scoffing, he shakes his head and takes another sip of his drink. She's not going to win, because he's an Avery and he still has some self-control, thank you very much.

___

The bedroom's door closes loudly and his hands are already in her hair, his mouth finding hers, then going to town on her neck. His whole body reacts when he hears her moan, and he would be embarrassed, but it's been months, and he's missed this, missed her.  He doesn't know whose bedroom they stumbled into after leaving the dinner party downstairs, doesn't particularly care, but he avoids the bed and guides them against a wall, his hand protecting April from the impact before finding a place on her neck, pushing her even closer to him. His movements are desperate, but the hands that play with the curls at the back of his head, then digging into his back as his tongue finds her pulse point, show him that he's not the only one in a rush.

The dress may work for her, but it's also a hindrance at the moment. In his daze, he sees her slightly tug at the hem, as if to give him the signal that she's as in a hurry to remove it as he is. Memories of a bathroom in San Francisco, of another skirt flood his mind, and his self-control is now completely gone.

He should have known that the distance, the fights, the ultimatums could never compete with their bond, their undeniable need to be close to one another, to melt into each other. It's not romantic, it's not a reunion, and it may complicate things, but there's no scenario where he could leave this room without tasting her, hopefully not for the last time.

They're rushing, their movements frantic, because they both need this, but as he sinks into her, his mouth swallowing her moans, he stills for a few seconds, because suddenly everything is alright in the world.