#[ i can't even begin to think about what the game wants us to feel abt mythal (i know how i feel) bc i start turning in circles forever ]

[theharellan]

while i overall enjoyed solas's writing, removing all of solas's agents and any (currently alive) ancient elves rly did terrible things to his motivations and the perception of them in ways that i don't think i have the words to express atm. felassan haunted the narrative in ways mythal could only dream of bc no one was even allowed to say his name.

[kawhh]

You🫵🏻have made my brain worms begin to wriggle. Thinking abt Quinn and a homesick you. OR you who moved to Vancouver to be with him after awhile of just visiting BUT there were troubles with your visa so you can't stay 🙂‍↕️

I'll continue to apologise for any ask I answer today - anyone is free to ask for a not so 'dark'(?) version

He doesn't understand why you're homesick. You have him? Why do you need anything else? Anyone else? Is he slacking? Are you having negative thoughts you aren't sharing? You wouldn't do that to him.. would you?

If you get homesick.. what if you think about leaving him? What if you don't think you can live with him now? What if you go away to visit home and don't come back? Decide that you're too comfortable there when you go?

He can't do long distance. He can't have that distance between you. He already loses his mind when he goes on roadies. What do you mean he wouldn't be able to touch you? Fuck you in the morning?

He's afraid. It's making his mind cloudy. He can't focus on you like he needs to. That's making him spiral even more - he's sabotaging himself and potentially cementing the thoughts in your head.

What is it about home that you miss? The food? Family? Your house?

He can fix this.

He's researching recipes and asking you questions. He'll find a way to bring the food to you. He'll ask chefs. He'll get the same ingredients that you eat at home. He'll stalk the social media of all your family members to get any information he can. He can't ask them - they'd realise that you're homesick and encourage you to come home.

Your family? He can have some of them flown over for a weekend - he can use one of his games as a cover up. Oh, he just wanted to treat you and wanted you to be able to spend time with them together. You'll be watching him so he'll still be involved and then they'll go home. You'll feel more settled.

You miss your old home? What about it? The decorations? Your blankets? Stuffies? He's getting someone to.. 'browse' your house. He'll make sure the important things find their way back to your shared apartment. He'll buy copies of the decorations and act confused if you notice that it's similar.

[stilljuststardust]

I don't know. What should I do? 😭 If you were in my place what would u do?..

I'm literally so lost. Right now. Like I feel like I'm in a slump, rut, a cycle of "read Tumblr posts, try, fall, repeat" how do I break free from this???? I genuinely just want to shift. Or live my dream life.

God I'm so done. Ever since I found out abt void (or got into reality shifting) I've put hold on life ever since, it'll be almost an year, I really don't want to keep living like this, it's like god. I can't. I just want to leave this reality. I'm so done. I want to enter void state. I just. God. Oh my god. I can't. I've idolized these things so much I know but these are my only saviors. I do believe all of this is real, but I don't trust my own ability, I know, I've been trying for so long, am I even trying at this point? I know i should give up, but how? I just can't keep living like this, it's hell...

Hello love, turn off your phone.

1. Save what you need to

Find a handful of concise posts that center you and remind you who you are and what you are capable of/remind you that manifestation isn't actually hard

Screenshot them, save them, print them out, whatever you need to but save them in a way that doesn't require you to reopen Tumblr. Maybe make a google doc with them/any links to videos or subliminals that you ground yourself with

2. Address your phone addiction

I fell down a rabbit hole on dopamine addiction a couple months back and I've learned a bit about it. If you want to stop overconsumption you have to stop doomscrolling.

Don't put your phone by your bed. Do not let the first thing you do in the morning be checking your notifications and scrolling.

"think of it as a lemon that you're squeezing the juice out of right? ...at the very beginning you can squeeze very little and you can get a lot of juice out of. But at the very end you need something very very powerful to squeeze out the remaining juice. So the more dopaminergic the task the less dopamine you need to engage in the activity " - DR K

The problem is your phone releases INSANE amounts of dopamine. It's this flashing color crack box that immediately spends all of that dopamine and because you used it first thing you need extremely dopaminergic activities or you can't focus.

Other extremely dopaminergic things include: video games, pornography, seeing people you hate attempt to bleach their hair, gambling, etc.

If you're trying to kick your phone addiction there's a couple things to remember:

You are going to get through the first day and think "I'm doing so well what's a TikTok break going to hurt" DONT FALL FOR IT. Your brain is lying to you. If you were good at moderation you wouldn't be trying to kick the addiction in the first place

It's ok to be bored. You have to accept being bored. It's good for your brain. Be bored.

Do not quit because you tripped up. The best advice I've heard for addiction is not to treat it as "I have to have an unbroken streak" this leads people to go on benders because of small slip ups because they "ruined it anyway". Instead think in percentages. You made it through 6/7 days. That's still an improvement and yes the goal is 7/7 but you are getting there if you keep your discipline.

3. How your day should look

Wake up and take a couple minutes to affirm and saturate your mind. This is basically bragging to yourself about how much you have it and it's yours. Affirm things like "oh my god I just woke up in my DR" or "Oh my god I shifted"

Do the shit you need to do. Don't put it off. Why should your life here have to stop??

Whenever you think about the things you want remind yourself that you already have it and it's yours. Think about it as if you have it. Do saturation sessions throughout the day if you want to.

Stop searching for a new method, advice, whatever, think as if you have already manifested it instead of spiralling into "I don't have it. this next post will help me have it" Do. Not. Think. About. It. As. If. You. Don't. Have. It.

Actually stick to it. Yes even if it takes longer than you want.

Great video on saturation that you should watch: click here

What you're doing wrong

What do you mean you've put your life on hold? Please do not do that. There is no reason to. If you ignore the obvious downsides to neglecting yourself and your life, you should know that isn't helping your manifestation at all either.

Right now you're suspended in a waiting state. You're entire life revolves around "I have to figure out how to do this", "I haven't done this yet so I can't focus on anything else"

What is that telling your subconscious? That it's not here and that nothing can change.

The point of LOA is to think as if it's already here. If you put everything on hold until you have it the only state you are thinking from is "it's not here". If you were thinking from the state of having it you wouldn't be doing any of that. "I can't do ____ until this manifests" you just affirmed that it hasn't manifested/you have not shifted. Not only are you frozen in the physical world but the internal one.

"I know I should give up but how" who told you to give up? I don't think you should do that. Why would you give up on something you have?

Both manifestation and shifting work the same way. You think as if you are there or that you have what you want and the physical world has to change to fit that. Has to.

These things are not your saviors. These things are not things. They are not outside of you. It is not a magical ability you need to tap into, it is something you are already doing. Your assumptions choose what your physical world looks like 24/7. It doesn't turn off that is just how you work. Your reality has ALWAYS shifted to match your mind. You aren't harnessing anything you are just realizing your own potential.

I know it sounds absurdly simple, that's because it is. You are creating your reality. Create. Sit down and think as if it's here. Bask in having it.

Do you know what the void state is? It's you. It's your consciousness. Are you consciousness ? Then you can enter. The reason you aren't experiencing it now is just because you are telling yourself that you are your body. You are not your body. You are the consciousness. Void state is just a return to self.

It is ok to focus on yourself and your life. You are going to be ok. You are going to shift. Please please take care of yourself

Links (please)

Watch this if your forgot who TF you are (fave YouTuber at the moment)

Your only limiting belief

Robotic affirmation timer

[eldritch-spouse]

HI AGAIN. Ever since I found your blog and also sent a totally normal ramble abt cannibalism I've been just. Gently tossing your guys back and forth in my head. You're a wonderful writer and I'm always excited to see you on my dash!!

Gonna throw my hat in as asking an actual question- How would your guys fare if their obsession had a particularly weird or morbid interest? I get the vibes that some of them would most certainly encourage it but I also feel like Vinnel would hit me with a hammer if I panic infodumped about ebola-

[Hellow, glad to see you again! Also, I know you probably just forgot, but "your guys" encompasses way too many characters to talk about at once, so I'll assume you were going for TCE staff.]

Morell especially likes hearing about your cannibalism infodumps. They're actually useful to him, since he's going to be living with you, and he needs to know what he can and can't feed you, as well as a possible child between you. It's actually interesting stuff, he'd like it if you talked about it to his family too, you're a smart piggy. Any other topics are usually met with less enthusiasm (unless kitchen/food related), and he'll ask you to quit it if you start talking too much about mushrooms. Overall, it's nice background noise to work to.

Patches is all about infodumping. In fact, you're subjected to it often too, even if he doesn't always stop to explain basic concepts you'd need to understand his rambling. He'll give you a recorder he has, so he can keep the sound of that boundless enthusiasm in your voice forever. He's much more participative than the others, asking various questions and tossing random scenarios at you that'll prompt you to learn even more. There's a potential he'll get distracted and stop working to just research this with you the whole day.

Gallon loves a weirdo -No offense- Feel free to dump all that morbidity on him, he soaks it up like a sponge (so does Martin, be careful). Although he prefers to let you speak unhindered, only egging you on when it seems you're getting passionately angry about things, there's a chance Gallon may begin his own little tidbit sharing regarding a variety of poisons and toxins. He's selective with what he lets slip, but figures it could interest you.

Santi likes listening to you. Doesn't matter what it's about. There's only one thing he doesn't want you to morbidly talk to him about, anything featuring kids. Other than that, you think a rant about the intricacies of cannibalism's effects will kill his mood? Hah, nice try. He usually doesn't have anything smart to say, but may actually pitch in with some first hand details if you mention something sexual and morbid.

Let's face it, this is going in one of Grimbly's eardrums and out the other. Unless, you can talk like you're in a true crime podcast, then he's all ears. Grimbly typically responds to these interests by bragging to others about how his Mommy's "so smart" and "cultured" and he learns so much with you! You should start a YouTube channel!

Nebul likes to hear what you think is morbid. He'll let you ramble when you've been good enough to earn his attention, or if it allows you to keep obeying him. He has his own morbidities to share with you, as a wraith who has seen the darkest parts of many a mind. Surely, you of all people would be fascinated to know how the brain reacts to very invasive types of trauma only some monsters can inflict...

Vinnel will use this to his advantage during shows. You're placed in dangerous games where the whole goal is for you to explain said morbid concepts to the audience while Vinnel or Jingles try to destabilize you so you'll fall into painful contraptions or get cut/bruised/undressed. Sometimes Vinnel pays attention to your infodumps, other times he openly doesn't, it's a coin toss.

Belo sincerely discourages you from seeking such dark information in your brain. A lesser's mind is like a canvas, and it shouldn't be furnished with such desolate knowledge... If your morbid interests somehow can shine a glimmer of positivity or utility, the angel will be a little more inclined to letting you keep pursuing these topics. Otherwise, Belo actively attempts to distract you.

Sybastian doesn't understand about 80% of what you're about to tell him, but he has all the time in the world to sit and listen to his favorite person spit words. He's not verbally communicative during these episodes, but he may clap depending on how impressive the information is, and he remembers things you say enough to sometimes present you with paraphernalia vaguely related to the topics of your morbid interests.

Fank-e is a good bet because he can add onto your information in real time, or correct small detail you may get them wrong. He's generally happy to give you links to more information sources and try to match your level of knowledge, uncaring of how dark the subject theme may be.

If there's one thing you can infodump to Krulu about, it would be diseases. Plagues and ailments of several types are his specialty, the chances of him imparting bits of knowledge you absolutely should not possess on this matter are high. Another thing you may infodump to him about is corvids. It gets him in very favorable moods, surprisingly.

[created-system-hub]

sorry if this has been asked before but do you have any tips on maintaining focus?

at the start, i would focus a lot on my first headmate. which eventually tuned into two turned into three simultaneously developing headmates. and like i know starting w/ just one headmate to focus on is better but i can't rlly explain why beyond 'just as i got the strong impression that it felt right for J🐦 to be my first headmate, it then started to feel right to bring in the other two – like they were all meant to be here. gut instinct idk. anw point is. our holiday break from work was over and suddenly i couldnt rlly dedicate as much time to them & it kinda feels like the progress is reverting? like. it felt like there was the beginnings of a 4th one wanting to start being developed too but now it doesnt feel like that bud of potential is there anymore. so i'd like tips on how to like. create a routine where i regularly interact with my developing headmates so they can develop fighter & be more. uh im blanking on the correct terminology here but i think its autonomous? like. they dont reach out to me yet, even if sometime i feel their agreement or disagreement w/ anything regarding themselves/who exactly they are if i prod abt it, but as i said, i havent had much time or energy to really focus on reaching out as often as i wish i did, so i havent been feeling their budding presence as often either.

for now i've been trying to do some prodding every night just before sleep but that... isnt always a focused thing. and it feels too short since, inevitably, sleep wins.

sorry i went on a bit of a ramble (sleepy) but yeah. i got my question out. i think? anyways. any advice is welcome! general resources for beginner willomancers are always welcome too. like. im unsure if i actually managed to create a headspace or if i just. imagine i have one. since like. on the aphantasia scale im on the opposite end, where i imagine everything very clearly & without difficulties...

What's a consistent thing in your schedule where you have some time to spare? Do you eat alone during lunch and could spend time with your headmates then? Do you have a spare hour after work/school? If you have a repeating schedule actually block out the time to do things within it. Don't let this time be used for anything else. Set alarms if you need. I would put aside 15-30 minutes to start, and they don't all have to be consecutive! 10 minutes in the morning, 10 at lunch, and 10 in the evening works fantastic too!

Secondly, make sure the things you're doing are fun. I know you;re worried about autonomy but autonomy grows with general development. Lots of general development things can be fun. Play a video game together, discuss a new book, talk about your most recent craft, explain something you just learned to them like they're a new person, discuss a problem you've been thinking about with them. These are things that are fun for me (Yes I'm a nerd) but find something fun for you all that ends with your headmate(s) putting in the mental effort.

Three headmates can be a lot, but I very much understand the situation you're in. I would recommend having a rotating schedule where every day you focus on a different headmate. If you have someone who really wants to be focused on you can take time aside and spend more time with them. I would also recommend having group activities if you can manage it.

Headspace is literally just imagination, so if you're imagining it, you have one. Some headspaces are just more immersive or out of conscious control than others. If you're just getting started making a headspace, your headspace is most likely not immersive, not constantly active, and within conscious control. Keep your headspace visualized and consistent as much as possible and it will grow stronger with time.

I hope these tips help you out!

[cloudysonder]

15! mafia! soukoku getting together before 5 years of tension challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)

ok so I don't think I need another WIP on my plate but i can't stop thinking about them so I'm gonna write a hella long fic outline for a hypothetical fic I might've written in a different timeline

This is a half canon compliant half Chuuya leaves the mafia with Dazai AU, with a focus on their powers + how it affects them

Chuuya struggles with his identity and his agency bc of Arahabaki sharing his body, and combats it by trying to be as kind and giving as possible-- it's a way of proving to himself that these decisions are his, not Arahabaki's, because Arahabaki would never choose to be kind. As a result, he gives himself to others too easily, creating a tension of giving up agency/identity in order to prove that he has agency/identity

he does this with the sheep and then with the port mafia, where he eventually meets dazai

dead apple happens

Chuuya thinks the guy is actually the biggest asshole maybe in the universe, but begrudgingly accepts that his power is very useful and they make a good team (you would have to actually waterboard this out of him)

Dazai deems Chuuya his dog, and when Chuuya gets pissed and keeps pestering him abt how patronizing it is, Dazai responds lightly, as if he's saying that the sky is blue,

"Oh please. You were a dog long before I called you one--" Dazai doesn't even bother having the decency to look at Chuuya before ripping his life apart. "--eager to be on a leash and be taken on walks if it meant that it pissed off the wolf inside you. I just have the manners to actually call it a leash."

it isn't the first nor the last time that chuuya wants to kill him, but he can't deny Dazai's right (he usually is, infuriatingly)

He still hits him with a boulder

they build up trust over multiple months-- Dazai begins to believe in Chuuya's competence and skill (enough to relax on missions, because chuuya will take care of things, chuuya will catch the things I miss, and chuuya will catch me if I fall), and Chuuya will follow whatever order Dazai gives, no questions asked (He never steers chuuya wrong, never betrays him in a way that matters, never hurts him in a way that lasts-- usually people would've by now, but not Dazai-- he just annoys him and pranks him and thrashes him in video games, casually saying things about chuuya that are so on the nose that chuuya doesn't feel seen through, but seen)

chuuya goes on a mission that he's supposed to lead himself, and dazai tags along bc he's "on vacation" (healing from broken bones) and bored and knows that chuuya wouldn't let him get more hurt

there's a critical point in the mission where chuuya has to make a decision-- either to jump into the battle and hurt himself to save his subordinates, even if it means the mission wouldn't be completed successfully, or to let them die, guaranteeing success

He doesn't know what Arahabaki would choose, and he's terrified of choosing the same option it would-- he doesn't want to think that he's slowly turning into Arahabaki, that Chuuya one day will be no longer--

Dazai knows. Dazai always knows.

A warm hand envelops his.

The familiar shiver of No Longer Human blankets over him.

"It's your choice, Chuuya." Dazai is looking directly at him, serious for once. "No one else is here now."

And Chuuya, simple, stupid Chuuya, feels the tension he's known his whole life leave him completely-- and what was left?

Oh.

The sun catches on Dazai's brown hair, beautiful even dusted with concrete powder and dried blood--

Fuck.

His hand is warm, his body is still, so trusting, his eyes are unblinking, so knowing--

And Chuuya falls irreversibly in love.

There's no real hiding it from Dazai (nor is there really a "normal" way that Chuuya can act anymore, knowing that he had the capacity, the capability for love)-- Chuuya tries for a while, but Dazai keeps staring at him with calculating eyes, suspicious and uncomfortable with whatever Chuuya is hiding from him

He pesters Chuuya constantly, making infuriating guesses about crushes (fucking Mori??? Chuuya wanted to kill Dazai for even suggesting it) and Chuuya's had enough of trying to escape who he is (which his feelings are tied to, unfortunately)

So, slowly, he lets himself show the affection he wants to-- a brush of hands, a hold on Dazai that's a little too tight when they lean on each other, a patching up of wounds that's a little gentler, a dinner of crab soup and rice that he took hours to learn how to cook---

Dazai stops pestering Chuuya pretty quickly after that

(He also never pulls away when Chuuya presses in, never comments on it, acts as if he doesn't know and doesn't care, and Chuuya finds some twisted sort of relief in that)

He's also become fiercely protective of Dazai, working thrice as hard so that he never sustains a single injury bigger than a scratch

"Wow---, why's my dog so easily riled up recently?" (they both know why)

Dazai is his to protect, but his in no other way. Chuuya knows that. He turns away when he flirts with pretty girls and gives them his number, and still admonishes him with the same tone he always does when he fucks around with women instead of doing his job

Chuuya genuinely shrugs it off— he doesn't love Dazai for it to be returned— it's just a fact in his life— his hair is red, his eyes are blue, he loves Dazai. Fin. He doesn't need to be in a relationship with him, he doesn't need to own him, he just wants to keep Dazai safe, and make him happy where he can

Dazai, meanwhile, is actually having a conniption— He figured out that Chuuya had a crush on him pretty quickly, but he's the most lost he's ever been in his life

He's never been loved so gently before, so carefully, as if he's a unique existence and intrinsically worthy of love-- Chuuya doesn't use him, doesn't expect anything of him, just keeps giving giving giving giving

Fact: Dazai has always been useful. Fact: Dazai has always been desirable, but in a way that seems dangerous. Fact: Every person who's ever held desire for him seemed to want something in return, as payment for the chore of liking him.

He annoys Chuuya more than anyone he's ever met, and yet Chuuya never treats taking care of him as a chore. He looks into Chuuya's eyes, sees a strange sort of pride, of gratefulness for relying on him, of joy just from the act of indulging him--

He asks nothing of Dazai, nothing, content to hold his hand firmly while Dazai's remains limp, asking nothing nothing nothing, backing off the second Dazai starts to squirm (though, sometimes, Dazai was just adjusting his posture on the couch, he wasn't pulling away— but he'd rather die before he asked the dumb little garden gnome to put his head on his shoulder again)

Dazai has never been more confused in his life. He's only sure of three things: 1) that Chuuya’s affection is genuine, 2) that it is far too good for him, which is a shame because 3) he'll never be able to return it.

Months pass in this limbo state— Chuuya backs off the second Dazai shows Any sign of being uncomfortable (he isn’t, he never was, but he’s confused by the frustration that wells up inside whenever Chuuya mistakes one of his random movements as resistance, pulling away, leaving Dazai oddly lonel—)

They usually don’t get hurt on missions— in all visible aspects, they’re perfect partners; Dazai’s plans don’t fail, and Chuuya never disappoints

But Mori thinks they’ve been a little too full of themselves recently, that they might benefit from a little humility, so he sends them straight into a trap

Chuuya drinks water from a safehouse that Mori arranged to have drugged

His vision goes blurry, fast

He tugs at Dazai, who’s keeping guard, blinking rapidly

“What, slug? Have you forgotten how sleeping works—“

“Dazai,” he chokes out.

Dazai snaps into focus, scanning Chuuya immediately.

“What happened?” Dazai doesn’t understand why panic is rushing through his veins, watching his partner struggle for breath. “Chuuya, breathe—“

“Don’t,” he strangles out, the word barely a whisper. “Don’t drink the water, something’s—“ Chuuya’s body seizes.

“Chuuya!” Dazai grabs him by the shoulders, and he’s surprised by how terribly his own hands are shaking— he can’t lose him, he can’t lose him, not him, not him, he’s never felt this strongly about the possibility of loss before, but he can’t lose Chuuya, he Can’t lose Chuuya, not the warm hands that hold his own, not the soft hair that buries into his neck, not the way his body always seems to fall into his, utterly trusting, not him, please god, not him, not the boy who loves him— he knows he doesn’t love Chuuya back, but he can’t lose Chuuya—

He brings Chuuya to his chest, preparing to make him throw up—

A bullet tears through Dazai’s arm.

Another one, seconds later, through his leg.

Dazai hisses in pain, grabbing his gun from his pocket

He’s not the best sharpshooter in the mafia for nothing— he shoots into the distance and hears both bullets hit their marks— he’s listening for the sound of two bodies falling—

A third gunshot rings from behind, and Dazai isn’t going to be fast enough to dodge it in time, fuck, but he can shift so it hits some non critical part of his body—

Shaking arms shove him to the ground

Dazai thinks the sound of the bullet burying itself into Chuuya’s body is going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

Chuuya’s warm blood is soaking into his lap, and Dazai’s vision begins to turn red at the edges

He uses more bullets than necessary to kill the last sniper, shooting his hands first, then his legs, his arms, his shoulders— he doesn’t get the mercy of a quick death— he hopes he bleeds, just like Chuuya is now—

The helicopter would come to pick them up at the meeting point in a few hours— he just needed to last until then—

He treats Chuuya’s injuries the best he can, murmuring his name like a prayer, begging begging begging

He ignores his own pain— or, that’s not quite right— he doesn’t even register his own pain— his own wounds are nothing in the face of the possibility of Chuuya’s death, and adrenaline keeps his limp arms moving, his wobbly legs walking

The helicopter picks them up

On board, a doctor patches Chuuya up and assures Dazai the poison wasn’t lethal and that the shot didn’t hit any major organs

Upon hearing (his) Chuuya would be ok, all of Dazai’s muscles relax at once, and he passes out

Chuuya wakes up in the hospital first

Dazai is in a comatose state, recovering— he’d be fine, but it’s the worst he’s been injured since Chuuya was assigned to be his partner

Chuuya waits by his side, holding his hand, running his fingers through his hair, caressing his cheek with his hand

He heard from the doctors that Dazai insisted, hysterically, that the doctors treated Chuuya first, despite his own injuries worsening by the minute

“Fucking asshole,” Chuuya pinches Dazai’s cheek.

He doesn’t wake up

He wakes up a week later, blinking slowly into consciousness

Chuuya is sleeping beside him, resting his cheek in the palm of Dazai’s hand

His eye bags look horrendous, and his face is pale

He nudges him without meaning to

Chuuya wakes up immediately

“Dazai?” He rubs his eyes a few times, as if he was checking he was awake. A few blinks later, Chuuya’s entire face melts. “Fuck, Dazai.”

Dazai isn’t prepared for the armful of Chuuya that barrels into his chest, burying into his neck— oh, Chuuya is warm—

Chuuya begins pressing small kisses into his hair, into the skin between his ears and his neck, eventually moving to kissing him on the apples of his cheeks

Dazai’s heart is doing a weird flop in his chest— he sees Chuuya’s sapphire blue eyes shining with tears, feels his chapped lips against his face, and god, is it pathetic that this feels like the first time he’s ever really been alive?

“You scared the shit out of me—“ Chuuya’s voice is trembling. “Why the fuck would you make them treat me first— I was literally fine, you fucking dumbass bitch, and I heal fast, you know that, you’re the lanky brittle stick— you were in a fucking coma for like a week, do you even know how, how worried I was?”

Frozen as he is, Dazai stumbles out a “why?”

Chuuya glares at him.

“You know why.”

He does. He still doesn’t know why. But Chuuya is peppering kisses all over his face and murmuring reminders to himself about gauze changes and medicine and antibiotics, so Dazai just lets himself stop thinking for once—

He catches Chuuya glancing at his lips, and he waits for a kiss there, but it never comes.

“You missed a spot.”

Chuuya turns bright red (cute cute cute), and looks toward the wall, clearing his throat.

“You should save that kiss for someone you love, mackerel.” Chuuya sighs, the red beginning to leave his cheeks. His eyes lose a bit of light, and Dazai wants to shove his words back in his throat. “I wouldn’t— you’ve already, uh, let me do this much.” He rubs the back of his neck, uncomfortable, as he untangles himself from Dazai.

Dazai wants to throw something (when did he ask Chuuya to stop, why is Chuuya sitting back in the chair, why is Chuuya holding his own hands instead of his, come back come back come back).

But Dazai doesn’t say anything, and Chuuya starts milling around the hospital room, collecting his medication

Chuuya nurses him back to health

He doesn’t kiss Dazai again

More months pass

Chuuya still asks for nothing from Dazai, and Dazai is weirdly frustrated by it (Oda and Ango are tired of hearing about it— they insist that Dazai has, ew, Feelings for him, to which he responds, like a mature adult, “The only feelings I have for the amoeba are pity and disgust— he’s stupid, it’s all stupid! And I’m a genius, obviously, so this is all below me!” He mutters, under his breath, “Dumb Odasaku, stupid ango, thinking they know better than me”)

They’re at a high end mafia party

Chuuya looks absolutely dashing, as always

Dazai cleaned himself up just to watch Chuuya’s face turn red

Dazai’s fooling around with some girls, playing the games he always plays, and glances out of the corner of his eye

Dazai freezes.

A Port Mafia man is on his knees, his hand cradling Chuuya’s, his lips planted firmly on Chuuya’s knuckles

And Dazai feels like he’s boiling alive— he hasn’t even kissed Chuuya, and this, this GRUNT is DIRTYING his— Chuuya with his fucking disgusting mouth, and Chuuya’s skin is so soft and warm and smooth and Dazai should be the only one in the world who knows how it feels

Dazai storms up to him and snatches Chuuya’s hand away, replacing it with his own. He introduces himself, but his tone and his eyes are deadly.

They sit in a rare moment of silence on the way back

Chuuya looks weirdly happy

Dazai doesn’t want to wipe the look off his face, so he keeps his mouth shut for once, watching the moonlight catch in his partner’s red hair and blue eyes— he’s so beautiful, Dazai thinks, and he tries to burn the image of Chuuya’s smug smile into his retinas

Dazai follows Chuuya home

They fall back into their old childish teasing the second they collapse on the couch, wrestling and yelling between delirious laughter— that’s the thing about Chuuya, Dazai thinks, he makes Dazai feel like the kid he never got to be.

Chuuya wins a round, and Dazai wins a round, and though they hadn’t agreed on a bet or a reward, Dazai chirps, unable to stop himself, “Guess that means that I have to do something for you, and you have to do something for me! You know, to be fair!”

“Ok…” Chuuya is staring at him suspiciously, checking behind him for a hidden pillow or another similar weapon (which, rude! he would never cheat! Scout’s honor.)

Dazai’s eyes seem to be darting everywhere but Chuuya. “For Chuuya, hmm… I’ll stop flirting around with girls!”

Chuuya blinks at him, bewildered. “I don’t really mind— it’s not like—“

Dazai cuts him off (he doesn’t want to hear the end of the sentence, for some reason?), the next words rapidly stuttering from his mouth—“And in exchange, Chuuya’s not allowed to flirt with anyone, ok?”

A light seems to dawn in Chuuya’s eyes, and he bites his bottom lip, trying to keep down a laugh. “Ok, mackerel. Deal.”

“Good slug.”

Chuuya actually does laugh, this time. “Fuck off.”

Things are a little different, after that. Chuuya gets more confident— he invites Dazai over for movie nights where he falls asleep on his shoulder, he occasionally presses a chaste kiss atop Dazai’s bandages (as if he’s something worth loving, somehow), and they still wrestle and fight and prank each other, but it’s euphoric— it’s their communication, their reminder that the other is thinking of them.

Dazai is still the one on the receiving end of things, and he realizes Chuuya’s never gonna kiss him on the lips because of his stupid moral code that kisses should be loving and romantic from both sides, and well, Dazai doesn’t know about love or any of that other dumb stuff, but he wants to kiss Chuuya

Dazai stays over at Chuuya’s apartment more often than not, and one day, as Chuuya’s leaving for work (he always shows up a couple hours earlier than Dazai), Dazai gathers up the blankets and waddles over to him, still sleepy

“Chuuya?”

“Fuck off,” he replies out of habit more than anything else.

“Chuuyyuyuyaaaaa—“

“What?” He finally turns to Dazai, who seizes the opportunity to give him a kiss, licking Chuuya’s lips as he pulls away.

“Have a good day at work!” Dazai smiles against Chuuya’s lips.

Chuuya works through a couple of phases— shock, joy, all encompassing bigger than the universe giddiness, shock, hope, hope, hope

He watches Dazai waddle back to his bed and collapse in the middle of it, taking up both his side and Chuuya’s

Chuuya smiles all day

After Oda’s death, Chuuya is the first one to grab Dazai’s hand before he can drown.

Dazai has never doubted that Chuuya cared for him, that Chuuya loved him, and it’s so fucking affirming to be believed— to know that someone believes you’re human, through and through

So he hopes that Dazai would trust him to take the initiative here, to make a choice that would truly be a middle finger to Arahabaki, to let Dazai be the savior he already was to Chuuya

“Dazai,” He says, knowing what happened before Dazai says a word, seeing it in his grieving eyes, his miserable form (how dare people think he has no emotions, how dare them, how dare them). He grabs both of Dazai’s hands and pushes their foreheads together with enough force to be a headbutt. His smile is sharp, a little scared, but he’s sincere. “Let’s run away together.”

and they run away and never define their relationship completely, but they are partners, through and through

Chuuya wants agency and to be seen as human and to be trusted and believed, Dazai wants to trust someone to take care of him and to believe in someone’s care for him and sees Chuuya as utterly human

They complete each other, they trust each other unconditionally

Chuuya wakes up with a ring on his finger one day, and Dazai shrugs and says that it might make Chuuya’s side of the deal they made 4 years ago a little easier

Chuuya thinks this is very funny

Dazai wakes up the next morning with a matching ring on his finger

They never have a wedding— they don’t need to prove their partnership to anyone— and they can count the amount of times they’ve said “I love you” on one hand— that’s private, that’s theirs and no one else’s

They’re both part timers at the ADA (the ADA insisted; if they were both full timers, there’d be no work for anyone else to do— Chuuya plows through paperwork, and they’re still soukoku— they never fail a single mission)

In their free time, they play games, write some shitty novels and some not so shitty novels, they try painting, they both become polyglots, read all the books they can in all the languages they can read, and it is all so mundane and so, so human

they no longer have to prove it to anyone

They are home

[unluckyhoneybee]

could u do head cannons abt pyotr as a bf ?! or maybe love triangle head cannons with pyotr and svech 🫣

Note: @leafsbabe wrote this amazing hc for pyotr so I wrote about that love triangle and got carried away with it. Bold means they are speaking in Russian.

Warning: mentions of sex.

You and Andrei met not long after he arrived to Carolina, so when he introduces you to Pyotr, you have already been hooking up for long.

At first nothing happens with him. You go out with both of them and then leave with Andrei. Everyone is happy about it. Pyotr and you are good friends, Andrei and you are still hooking up.

Until one day when you are casually in Chicago and obviously you meet Pyotr in there and even go to watch a game. You have dinner and everything and you are both really comfortable around each other. You can say there is an sparkle. But nothing happens. Pyotr knows about your thing with Andrei and he doesn't make a move and you don't know if you can make a move because you've never talked about seeing other people.

I mean, when you have Andrei Svechnikov you don't want to be with more people.

Nothing happens that day, but it leaves a weird taste in your mouth.

So the next time you are alone with Andrei, you ask him. "Are we exclusive?" "Are you seeing someone?" "No, I didn't want to without knowing where we were"

Andrei needs to think about it for a bit. He likes you but he is not brave enough to tell you. But he ends up agreeing. Then when you tell him it's Pyotr, he kind of freaks out. "Pyotr?" "Uh, yes" "Are you gonna date him?" "Not date date him, something like... Us"

He is not jealous. He swears he is not. You are not his. You are free to do whatever you want. Even with Pyotr.

Who is fantastic, by the way. He makes you feel really comfortable with him and he is so fun. Plus, he is also really good in bed. You need to show him a couple of things but he soon learns what you like. He is your first since Andrei and it feels extremely good too.

It's not that you stop seeing Andrei, obviously, just that now you have to manage two guys.

Sometimes, when he is with you, Andrei can't stop thinking about how you do that too with his friend. Which is weird because he doesn't want to think of Pyotr in that moments. But all the worries he had all the beginning dissappear after a couple of weeks. You are not forgetting about him, Pyotr is not his substitute and it's even better. Both men can feel how passionate you are. For Pyotr is amazing because well, you are really into it since the beginning. For Andrei is even more amazing because he can feel the switch in you.

Not even when it's the three of you partying or watching films or whatever, things are weird. Mostly because of the efforts you make. They are really good friends and you don't want to cause problems.

Until one day. There is a party somewhere. Andrei has lost you between the people. He asks a couple of teammates but no one knows where you are. So he starts looking for you. You haven't left because you always tell him when you do, even if it's with Pyotr.

After walking around the place for a long time, he finds a door he hasn't opened. He obviously opens it. Surprise. There you are. Eyes closed, mouth half open and fingers on... Well, Pyotr's hair. He is frozen, eyes moving between you and his friend. Until you open your eyes and freeze too.

"Fuck" you gasp and push Pyotr away. He looks up from your with a puzzled look. "Good?" "Andrei"

The music is loud and Pyotr was too busy, he doesn't know Andrei is there looking at you. You push his shoulder slightly and he turns around. It's weird because his thigh is still between your legs.

"Andrei-" "Sorry, I didn't know you- I was just looking for you and- Sorry" When Andrei tries to turn around and leave, Pyotr speaks up. "Wait" That's when the air turns thick. Andrei can't belive how hard he is.

Pyotr doesn't talk much about it, but it's on his mind all the time. Just as Andrei, he thinks way too much about his friend when he is with you.

"You want YN. I want YN. YN wants you and me" He simply says and then looks down at you.

Something you've discovered is that while Andrei is more dominant and into that stuff, Pyotr is more unpredictable. Andrei likes keeping it in the bedroom but Pyotr seeks for more adrenaline. And this is giving him such a high.

"You want this? This okay?" He asks cupping your cheeks gently. You look up at him and then at Andrei. There is no need to ask him if he wants this because he looks like he is about to jump on you. With a deep breath you nod. "Words, pretty girl" Andrei says. "I want this"

That's your first time with both of them. You don't take it too far because you are clever enough and anyone wants to get caught in that situation. But as weeks pass, things get so much better, you get used to being three and both of them learn how to work together here too. It gets so good that you reach a point in which one of them is good but not enough. They are mind blowing when they are together and they know it.

At first, they won't even touch each other. Now, they even ask for it.

"Have you ever been jealous of him?" One thing about Pyotr is that he passes out every single time. The boy gets so sleepy so as soon as you cuddle with him, he is happy and Andrei and you can have that conversations you enjoy so much. Aftercare is different for both of them but you can give them both what they need. "Maybe after you told me. I didn't want to stop seeing you" you kiss Andrei shoulder. "I wouldn't do that" "I know"

Andrei likes you a lot and he needs to tell you soon, but he doesn't want this thing you three have to end.

"Pyotr" "Yes" "I like YN" He confesses on a road trip. "Me too" "But I like her like... Like her. I'd like her to be my girlfriend" Pyotr swallows. "Yeah, me too" "Fuck" they both stare at each to her for way too long. Now what? "Should we tell her?" Andrei likes to talk about things, Pyotr doesn't. "You can ask her out" "I'm not doing that knowing you have feelings too Pyotr" "I don't care" "Yes, you do. Look at you" Pyotr has never been good with his emotions and is on the verge of tears.

The agree to tell you on Saturday. You have already a night in planned in the safety of your flat, so if things go wrong they can simply leave and you would already be at home. They don't want you to wander around sad or angry or whatever.

You are all sitting around the table. Andrei is the one that will speak first because it's the easiest.

You seem off today and they doubt about telling you. You hear them whispering in Russian a couple of times. But they have to do it.

"T-there is something you need to know" Andrei stars. They are not expecting your reaction. You start crying and they panic. "No, there is something you need to know" You start rambling about how good everything is, how happy you are with them and you mention a couple of times that you don't want to lose them. They are really confused. "The thing is... I think I like you. Both. As the two of you. This is really confusing. But I feel... I'm in love with two guys, for fuck sake" Pyotr, who has managed to understand almost everything you've said, starts laughing. Andrei just runs his hands over his hair. "Why are you laughing, idiot?" You say with a big frown.

"No more problems" He shrugs. Andrei shakes his head. This idiot. "I like you. Andrei likes you."

You blink. "You what?"

"We wanted to tell you this. I'm in love with you" "Me too" "And we wanted to tell you so you can decide. Continue, stop, choose one..."

It's silent and uncomfortable while you process everything. You even cry a bit, but Pyotr opens his arms and you hug him.

It takes you the whole night to figure things out, how the three of you feel and how you want this to go. But in the morning you wake up dressed in their clothes and with your head on Pyotr's chest. Andrei is spooning you and his hand is covering yours on Pyotr's abdomen.

"You awake?" Pyotr whispers. "Yes" "You good?" "Mhm" He kisses your forehead. "It will be okay, right?" "Yes, sweetheart" You love how that word sounds on his lips.

And it really is. It doesn't take much to get used to the relationship. There are a lot of conversations, even when Pyotr hates it. But they make it work and it's great. It's a secret. Not much people know about it, but you enjoy it this way. There are many things to secure before telling the world and for the moment it works. So there you are, happy and in a loving relationship with your boys.

[smthaboutuss]

If you don't mind, what's your sort of radiostatic, and your HC about them? :0

Like, is it hard onesided or with potential for some sort of mutuality (& is Alastor more on the gray sexual& romantic part of the spectrum?)? is Vox actually is/was in love&sexually attracted to Alastor & hates Alastor for rejection of that, (not only rejection of partnership proposition) or he never opened abt his feelings before their separation? or Voxe's obsession is smth beyond categories of love&lust at the present moment &/or from the beginning? what's the level of unhealthyness and angst are there (esp staticmoth being also a part of equation)? is Alastor even aware of Vox being into him in this way?

Or you're more about Vox himself and his relationship with Alastor is part of his character, not the specific interest in itself (in that case anyway what's your take on their dynamic?)

Omg, thank u for asking! My radiostatic is pretty unhealthy but it makes the most sense to me umm

I love a very one-sided radiostatic where Vox is rly attracted to and obsessed with Alastor to the point of stalking him (the cameras and drones bro) and having sadistic fantasies about Alastor like we see in the show.. tho I THINK getting rly messed up by Alastor would aaabsolutely make him feel a type of way u know... Because any interaction with Alastor is just so exciting to him even if he's the one getting messed up, so in my mind he has a masochistic side that only shows towards Alastor which is so... yeah! I love it.. Alastor unintentionally seems like he's attracted to Vox by playing into his games or getting rly close to him physically but he couldn't care less, he's just messing with Vox for the pure entertainment of it and with the intention of getting him under a contract etc.. Alastor in my mind is rly cold and sadistic like that ha... I can't rly imagine him showing that kindness towards Vox rn tho maybe if I know more abt their past that could change! I like to think that Vox confessed his feelings towards Alastor in some way and Alastor just deflected them/ doesn't know what it means but that rejection sparked Vox's obsession into existence bc he's so used to getting anything he wants.

Valentino is the way Vox experiences mutual love and attraction which also isn't the most healthy one bc Valentino is... Valentino lol. But it helps him and grounds him and he's very happy being with Val. I don't even think Vox wants that type of relationship with Alastor, he's simply excited about him in a crazy way.

[harlequinoccult]

Willow has always been a social butterfly, but she has always had... problems getting emotionally close to people. it's difficult to be open about yourself when you've been hiding behind layers upon layers upon layers upon layers of masks your entire life and you don't even know who the fuck you really are anymore, much less how you actually feel about things. she hates falling in love, she hates getting attached, but she knows that if she wants to thrive in life she can't do it alone. strenght in numbers and all that, she's not stupid, she knows how to play the social game, she knows that being likeable gets you way more than trying to isolate yourself.

so she's nice to people. especially those who are useful to her. she smiles and makes her voice as sweet as honey, as sweet as venom, rotting her lips every time she opens her mouth. she's confident, she's funny, she's every man's dream girl and much more. people are easy to play with. you just have to find the right buttons to push.

she just wishes no one else was able to push her buttons. it would make her life easier, not feeling anything. not falling for anyone. being 100% sure that her smiles and her touches were always practiced, fake. like she is. but there's always someone. there's always that one person who manages to slip through her cracks, who worms their way into her heart, who makes everything so much more complicated.

like her best friend. her one true friend. her only real confidant in that hellhole of a city. her roommate.

the one Carter kills.

she shouldn't have cared. if she just hadn't gotten attached, she wouldn't be suffering so much anymore. but she did. and now her debt is being held above her head, and she has to work for Carter of all people.

at the start, she's a little terrified. then she gets curious, wants to know about the whole process involved in things like this but she hates Carter too much to bother sweet talking that out of him (she's dropped the pleasant mask around Carter a long time ago. she highly doubts he would buy it at this point anyway). it takes a lot shorter than would be considered normal, but soon she's desensitized. stops caring. never cared much to begin with, but now there's a whole new layer of apathy to her.

she starts thinking abt killing. she starts thinking abt killing a lot.

she thinks abt her boxing practices, how good it feels to hit the punching bag. how she always found the rush of adrenaline that comes with a bar fight to be a special kind of addictive. hears the sounds of Carter finishing off a kill while waiting in the car and wonders what that must feel like.

beating someone's face in. feeling blood in your hands. grabbing all that frustration, all that anger she feels inside, letting it out. letting it all out. she finds herself hitting the face of a pervert at a bar and wondering what would happen if she didn't stop. comes back from her daydream to find herself being dragged away by security, the man who harassed her with blood spilling out of his nose and eyes.

still moving.

still alive.

it's not enough.

her skin i t c h e s .

....when she receives Host's invitation, she's not really expecting much. doesn't take long for her to realize what it's all about once she gets there, however.

it's a pleasant surprise, to say the least.

she gets to satisfy her urges curiosities and she gets to stay away from Carter?! it's perfect! she'd kiss the Host if she could, honestly. being stuck in a forest surrounded by hot people... if she could snatch herself a sugar daddy/mommy while at it, someone who could pay off her debt and pamper sustain her for life, it'll be perfect. (her main romance(s) will be Elysium and Host, purely by selfish reasons bc that's how she rolls. that will not stop her from flirting w literally everyone of the cast until she can't anymore and she definitely does not actually expect to fall in love w them... but she probably will anyway. i am especially interested in her dynamic w Ely, bc they seem to be the one who's most likely to understand Wills on some level.)

out of my 3 ocs that i use to put in Situations, Willow is definitely the one who's going to enjoy slsq the most. she's having a fucking blast, her morals are dead anyway and she's always been thirsty for violence. this is enrichment for her. at least until The Horrors begin (falling in love /hj).

i genuinely am not sure what her personality is gonna end up being in the game itself. if i had to guess, i'd say bubbly, with a teeny tiny dash of caustic (both her and Ariel are bitter and cynical, they just deal with it in different ways. Ari tries to be a better person and Wills either lies to herself or drowns in her own wrath). babygirl is a fucking mess, she's not going to fix anyone, in fact i feel like she's the one who needs fixing-

a few extra fun facts: she can't cook or clean to save her life. her apartment is an absolute mess just like her life but she is one of the best sex partners you could possibly ask for so she has that going for her. her style is trendy/stylish cute and revealing clothing, she knew going out to the middle of a forest wearing a mini skirt was a terrible idea, she just didn't care bc getting a few scratches matter less than looking good does to her. she's Tiny (157 cm/5'2" tall) but she's extremely strong bc she's addicted to exercising so she can and will kick your ass at any opportunity. 

she looooves making people have low expectations of her. even the way she dresses helps give her the bimbo image she adores to cultivate. catching people by surprise is a powerful weapon when used right, and she knows how to use it extremely well. her words can cut deeper and more painfully than any punch she could throw your way as well, her passive-aggressive game is insane. she knows how to use words not only to charm people, but to rile them up as well. i have a feeling she and OD will be besties, if nothing else purely because the both of them love chaos.

ok that's all! thanks for indulging me :)

(2/2) 

-🦊

(pt 2)

[nnightskiess]

You deserve my support and much more! Lacklustre updating schedule or not, everytime you leave is a very.. compelling and deeply emotional piece of art. I say deeply emotional because when I read it, I feel every emotion that’s written in a very raw and deep way, as if I was actually living it, and so, to be able to even read it and have access to more chapters, is a really big privilege for me.

I think by showing us the present first and then going back to how it all began and showing how y/n and Yen developed their deep bond is pretty amazing, it makes it hurt yes 😂 but also makes it feel real and more intimate bc now we know how truly intricate and deep their feelings are for each other and how much weight their past together has on the events that are occurring in the present and will happen in the future.

I can also tell you love writing for it, idk how to explain it really, but you can see it’s written with passion and love and that every little detail matters. So actually, thank you for creating such an amazing story and I will always look forward to any chapters you put out! 🖤💛 I’m glad my little ask made you feel happy also 😊

(I agree abt Henry… the Witcher is just not the same without him. I have considered replaying the games just so I can maybeeee forget that Henry is not in the show anymore and hopefully ease into Liam a bit better 😂)

oh wow, love, i'm incredibly touched that you feel that way about it!! and that you consider it a piece of art. it's hard to try and see it from your perspective sometimes when i'm so deeply involved with it from a writer's point of view and can't read the chapters with a fresh mind, so hearing you say that actually filled me with joy and motivation.

and thank you so much for saying that! it means i accomplished what i intended to do. i always prefer to write with a heavy layer of emotion clouding my characters. emotions drive us, fuel our fears and define our actions. whether they're morally grey or relatable, it will help reach a level of understanding and hopefully help connect with the story. having to watch the characters battle both inwardly and outwardly before getting whatever their heart desires is just so much more satisfying.

going back to the past felt like a bit of a gamble at first. i was afraid i would confuse or lose some readers who probably desperately wanted to read what would happen at sodden instead, but now that i'm in the middle of writing those early days with yennefer, i realise it was the best decision i could have made. it will explain why they held off on their feelings and so much more. there are many subtle ways i can show their bond slowly forming, or how and why certain beliefs and insecurities will keep resurfacing simply because they were so intricately woven within them. by writing their story from the beginning, i feel like i've started to understand it even better. i don't think i could've properly taken the story forward the same way if i hadn't made that decision.

oh, i absolutely adore writing it. it slithered into my mind years ago during christmas break and it hasn't left me since. i never write anything just for the clicks or interactions, but especially not this one. i just had to write it all down, whether i would later on post it or not. i have notes upon notes everywhere and whenever an idea pops up while i read the books or play the game, i scribble it down. i still don't know how i can find clarity in the chaos (no pun intended). you can always come and talk to me about the story in my dms or asks, please don't hold back. i'd love to hear your thoughts and see if you've caught certain easter eggs, double meanings, symbolisms or foreshadowings (the flower on tissaia's desk is a nod to the bond she'll have with yen and y/n, for example). and as a writer, it's always interesting to see how certain things have landed with readers!

i feel like to a lot of people, me included, henry felt like the essence of the series, the glue holding it together. i get why people are frustrated he's no longer in it, and that the adaption has been absolute shit as well, but i honestly love the world of the witcher too much to not cling to every new bit of media they give us (and i really want to support the other actors). my story is a mix of the series and the book and will at one point stop following canon, since yen doesn't have her arc with geralt or ciri in this. i write yennefer with all of the different versions we've seen of her in mind, so i hope she doesn't feel too ooc for people who've only watched the series, played the game or read the book. but since this story doesn't exist in canon, we also don't have anything to compare her possible actions and reactions to with the things that will happen in everytime you leave, so i think i'll be fine 😊

take care, love! your support means the world to me and i count myself very lucky that you're one of my few readers 🖤

[nerendus]

tell us a lil abt ur ocs <3

On it, boss!

I don't know what fandoms little anonling is a part of, but I'm going to use that as an excuse to talk about all of them.

However probably the girlies that I am most obsessed with I can't talk about since they are part of, like, professional projects and I very much do not want this account to be associated with that in any way. But I can say that pretty much all of them are either morally dubious medical practitioners or just really, really sad cyborgs.

I'll start with my D&D characters since those girls are just, so good and tasty.

There's Zia....something. She had a very long name and an even longer italian surname.

She is a Drow multiclassing with wizard and monk, and everything terrible that could happen to her happened to her. The...condensed version is that she had a chronic disease that was quickly killing her, and a god traded her death with her twin brother's soul so she got a get out of jail free card. And during the whole campaign which sadly ended prematurely, her whole entire quest was trying to approach her brother and explain that she is implicit in the murder that has yet to happen. Great lady. She had emotional issues and I spun a wheel at the beginning of each session to see how mentally disturbed she would be.

My other D&D character never got to see action (one day...maybe) and that is my beautiful lass Andlyn. She's a tiefling warlock with a minor degree in Bard. Her whole thing was that she was born into a cult worshiping a devil that forced her hand into killing her fiance. As such, she began her Rebellion Arc and begun killing cultists and she was therefore kicked out of the club :( But luckily for her, the devil she had worshiped didn't like all the attention the cult was giving him, so he turned her into his warlock under the pretense that she would seek out the cultists and kill them. She also liked singing at taverns.

And my last D&D character...is my first one. My lovely half elf blood domain cleric Atheleisia (not sure if that's how its actually spelt, I forgot its been so long). I love her so much, she is so over the top. She is a cult leader that liked to abduct children and make herself their mother while she experimented on their bodies. Specifically, she had this delusion that they were all riddled with sins, and as such, she had to craft them into monsters to remove the sin within them. She was also in love with her god that was a dragon that she deluded herself into thinking they were engaged when I don't think he ever even knew her name. She was great, I definitely need to bring her back in some other project.

So...now on to, like, fandom OCs, feel free to skim around to your own little fandoms.

Given that it's my current obsession, I'll start with my beloved Rogue Trader Alwena von Valancius (not to be confused with my other OC, Alwena EldenRing). Her whole thing in detail in on the RT discord server and that's too many words to copy and paste here, so condensed, she is an Iconoclast pyromancer that forged her sanctioning with the help of her cousin Mianno (not to be confused with Mianno EldenRing, look I use the same characters for every game ever) who she was slightly in love with. Her unsanctioning ended up making her thoroughly fucked up, and after the events of the game, she turned herself into something of a war saint and declared war across the other dynasties that refused her rule. She eventually is assassinated by her son due to her last few years of life barely able to register reality.

For Bloodborne, I have my little girlie Magdalene. She's a Vileblood knight that deserted her post during the Cainhurst massacre and didn't return until the events of the game. There...isn't much to it after that. She had a lesbian thing going on with Fake Iosefka and Amygdalas around the Unseen Village because she has superior taste over us all.

I have a few for the Elder Scrolls, one being my dark elf Nerevarine Arcanea. I don't remember much of her lore since it's been awhile since I played Morrowind, but she was a petty criminal in the Imperial City who came to Vvardenfell and immediately began several different polycules. She probably was really big in the Greater Vivec City Polycule. Despite what Azura wanted from her, she started relationships with both Dagoth Ur and Almalexia but don't worry! She does kill them in the end, just because Azura asked really nicely. IDK, she probably had the hots for Hiricine as well, but I don't think that would've ever worked out.

I have...a lot of dark elf OCs in TES, they're my favourite race, but I do have one Nord OC that I am greatly obsessed with. She's Vahkulass--draconic for Spring Princess--a dragon priestess that escaped the fate of her fellows and lived a life of seclusion in Skyrim while awaiting the return of her lord Alduin. Specifically, she married a dragon priest, and when a rivaling priest killed him, she took his place and declared war on everyone who had tried at some point in overthrowing their rule. But after all that, she stopped being a warlord and just lived a silly life as the weirdo lady in the mountains that didn't seem to age. However, she also worshiped Akatosh, and when she was made Dragonborn, despite her sadness, she did not hesitate in fulfilling her destiny in killing the World Eater. She probably fucked Odahving in the process, but that's something else.

And uh...I think that's it? Yeah probably, my Tarnished OCs have absolutely, no lore. They are just pretty women.

But yeah, thanks king. 🫡 I am not proofreading any of this because this is way too many words.

[herehaveafandom]

For the choosing violence ask game, literally as many as you can for Star Wars

oh jesus ok

I've seen people talk about Satine who believe she was weak, that she betrayed what it means to be a Mandalorian, that she didn't deserve Obi-Wan, etc. While I don't idealistically with her views entirely, I sympathize with her point of view and I don't think she was at all weak. She was trying to do what she felt was best for her people based on her knowledge of history and the current political climate. Do what you have to, queen. Also, MACE WINDU. I'm sorry that the (stressed out, under immense pressure) leader of a massive order wasn't sweet as sunshine to the rule breaking Jedi master about the rule breaking kid he picked up who will grow up to be one of the world's most prolific war criminals and murders. I admit that I think the Jedi order had its faults but I am a Mace Windu stan 4ever

hey. hey. Look me in the eyes and tell me you think Rex bottoms. That man is a fucking Dom top who gets shit DONE. He has half of Torrent on their knees for him. The way he put his hand on Echo's chest? Shoots an eel in the eye and goes fucking "Call me sir?" He had them swooning I know it. His dick game is pristine. Side note but I feel like Bail Organa gets pegged on occasion (lovingly of course he and Breha are couple goals.

Uhhh. Hm. People who are generally mad abt Mando giving up the darksaber- I completely agree that it was right choice. For two seasons we all went "lol it's so funny how mando hates being the main character! He just wants to do side quests and raise his kid! Lol it's funny how he keeps being the most important person he hates it!" and then when Mando followed through on that character by giving up the darksaber people who got pissed "BUT HES THE MAIN CHARACTER". like tell me you don't understand the character without telling me that. Also people who Hate star wars but Keep Watching It and then come onto fandom side and insult it in every way - there's a difference between being critical of a thing (I am!) and just bringing the vibe down for everyone. Yes star wars and the fandom by extension have a lot of issues. Id also have to say the racist/homophobic/generally hateful takes. Also Reylos.

I've never actually blocked anyone!

I'm not on discord server lol

YOU KNOW. Like ok if you want to ship reylo FINE but don't come to me talking about how I'm misogynistic for not shipping it. I actually have taste thanks. I'm not the world's biggest fan of master/padawan ships - qui/obi or obikin - but at least those people are generally polite and I can just scroll past if I chose.

I don't know that this has happened? If anything hate for a character makes me more inclined to like them.

Gooooood where to begin. I am the only person who knows Obi-Wan and Luke Skywalker. When people reduce Luke down to "dumb, naive, sunshine boy" it makes me mad. Yes, that is a big part of his character, and may even be most of his character in ANH, but you don't get Luke unless you understand his more mature and dangerous side. Yes, Luke is generally the optimist to Leia's realism, but I believe that is a choice Luke makes. Remember, Luke grew up on Tatooine, so he can't be entirely innocent. Luke knew how to take care of business with Jabba. If you reduce him down to dumb sunshine I feel you take away from the character.

The sequels. The sequels. The sequels. They massacred and disrespected so many characters. God. They were so wrong. Beyond that, the split canon of Legends vs Disney. I actually really like so much of the old Legends canon I'm mad it's not real anymore.

The infighting, and as said above, people who just seem to hate Star Wars harshing the vibes for the rest of us. I'm not talking about things like acknowledging the bias and bigotry in both canon and fandom, because that's important, but people who just seem to hate every piece of media put out regardless of content. why are you here. In actual fanon proper, I'm going to be honest, mischaracterization. I understand everyone interprets things differently but sometimes I'm like. Did we watch the same thing here bestie bc he would not fucking say that.

fun fact the only thing i have filtered on tumblr is overwatch. I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT I DON'T CARE

Oh easy Saw Gerrera. I understand why people don't like him - he's hard to watch - but I think he's an amazing example of the kind of leftist infighting we see in our politicial climate today. He's not my favorite character or anything, but I do look forward to it when he's on my screen.

Kylie Ron. Enough said.

Ok this is a weird one but in all the prequel/clone wars fics I read, why does everyone assume Jedi, especially Obi-Wan, have an aversion to seeing a medic?? Did I miss something? Like if it was established in canon at some point let me know bc why?? The medics are always chasing down the Jedi and threatening them until they come in to get healed...like why wouldn't they go anyway? What's up man?

well fanart is varied. I guess a lot of characters overshadowing one another.

I mean this in the nicest way possible: I don't really understand why people like Obikin. I completely agree that these men are Not Normal about each other, and they have a New Type of Relationship but...Obi-Wan has been raising Anakin since he was nine. It's not even the age gap, just...I don't get it. No shade or shame but like. Not for me. They can be strange about each other in a different way for me.

FUCK ME I LOVE A FIXIT. LOVE A TIME TRAVEL BETWEEN OT AND PT. LETS THROW CHARACTERS INTO SITUATIONS I LOVE IT. I've particularly been thinking abt Darth Vader interacting with Dooku. Idk but I think it'd be fun. ALSO I LOVE FICS EXPLORING THE VARIOUS CULTURES OF STAR WARS. Star Wars has million worlds for you to make up shit about and I love them all. YES TELL ME ABOUT JEDI HOLIDAYS OR TWI'LEK RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. Shoutout to @fialleril and their amazing series abt Darth Vader being a double agent, which really set the standard and created content that people still use today about Tatooinian Slave Culture.

CAN WE HEAR A LITTLE COMMOTION FOR REVA SEVANDER? ok so we didn't really SLEEP on her but now that Kenobi is over I dont see much stuff about her :( I love her she was amazing. Also let me shout out some favorite fics real quick - the above mentioned "Double Agent Vader", "Cosmic Oddities", a Mando/The Last of Us crossover, all of Blue_Sunshine's work but especially their series "The Desert Storm" and the follow up "Rise and Fall" about a time traveling Ben Kenobi, Deniigiq's series "center stage", Killbothtwins' series "the massive machinery of hope" (more time traveling with one of my favorite characterizations of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon). For the adults looking for something spicy (and by spicy I mean downright smut), Iridan's work "a simple thing" has not only set the standard for Bobadin works, but is one of the best fics I've read PERIOD. Booktok authors WISH they had this level of skill. It's amazing and should be turned into a novel. All of the above fics are on AO3, go check them out and show them some love!

Padme/Anakin. It is heterosexual nonsense and I love it.

Some sections of TCW. I'm not generally a military/war movie person in general, so those sections focusing on that can feel a little long to me. Generally star wars doesn't bore me though!

I'm going to be killed for this, but...Andor. I LIKED IT I DID I JUST. DIDNT LIKE IT AS MUCH AS KENOBI. Yes it was important and relevant and YES it was great. I just think maybe the tiniest bit overhyped. I STILL REALLY LIKE IT THO DONT KILL ME.

Now lets talk abtJaster Mereel can we talk abt jaster mereel ive been dying to talk abt Jaster Mereel

Din/Bo Katan. Before season 3 I would have said no but season 3 got me bitch I can't lie. It's about the fealty.

Star war's flaws. the racism and homophobia and misogyny. yikes!

I DONT CARE IF YOU HATE THE PREQUELS SHUT UP ABOUT IT

[ikram1909]

https://www.tumblr.com/ikram1909/773231313895473152/no-fr-would-not-be-shocked-to-learn-they-have?source=share

i just know he invited himself in to the office the way he did in the medical room when fermin got injured 😭 also him deciding to stick himself to whichever teammate is getting thrashed by media, even if there’s a high chance they’re gonna stab him in the back, will never not be wholesome, like he was GLUED to araujo during those contract negotiations. i really really wonder what goes through his head? like does he just wake up one day and be like ‘ok today im with araujo’ or does he do it without even noticing?

another note - one thing i was thinking abt recently tho (and would like to hear ur opinion on) is at the end of the day, sporting is still a job. when we work we always interview and request the highest salary, even if it’s a dream job, and we leverage things so that things can be the best for us. araujo played for barca for years in a bad situation and barca is a big club, altho i dont like it and won’t look at him the same, i think i can understand if he did what he did to leverage up his contract. like rodri talked abt that feeling u have with football at a young age vs as u get older, and i don’t think the araujo a few years ago who kissed the badge was doing it for show, i think his heart changed and he views his life bigger than football. obviously at a club like barca where it’s club over everything, that doesn’t bode well, but at the end of the day he’s giving his 110% for us when he’s playing, i can ignore it. also i think he still loves the club the same, just doesn’t think he’ll spend the rest of his life playing here, cuz it is pretty hard.

No but the way he sticks with his teammates who are going through a rough patch is incredibly cute and wholesome. He did that in the summer with Íñigo when everyone was talking about him leaving then he stuck with Frenkie in the beginning of the season when he was getting booed and now Ronald and the list goes. He has to be the best teammate anyone can ask for fr his heart is made of gold ❤️❤️

As for the second part about your ask, I can't say I don't get your point because I do. Football is a job at the end of the day and his priorities probably changed especially now that he's a dad so it's understandable that he wants a better deal. I'd even go as far as to say that he's entitled to a better deal being as good as he is. Also, my perception of loyalty in football kinda tilted after seeing how Marco reus' loyalty was rewarded and how he was deprived of retiring in the club he loves. So to summarise, I understand his motive and think it's fair. What I can't get behind tho is him pulling that entire stunt and practically blackmailing the club into giving him the contract he wants and literally unsettling the team right before really important games and our first chance at winning something this season. Like that's not the behaviour of a captain or a lover of the club and that's why I can never see him the same after all that. I'm sure there were better ways for him to get that deal and at a better time too but he didn't care.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

wait... you like kenjaku?

i feel like not many people do...

with kenjaku...

one thing that always bothered me was kenjaku's past life?

what was kenjaku's first host like? who was it?

i can't get the idea of kenjaku's first host being kenjaku's lover—a way of preserving his lover's memory by being inside their body literally.

and kenjaku knows it inside out, but now, kenjaku truly knows what it's like to know it inside out.

do you think it would make kenjaku cry? i'm not sure. i don't know if i have a good handle on kenjaku's character yet.

but i find this thought to be interesting.

it occupies my mind from time to time. (i think it's pretty romantic, too...)

(and the potential of kenjaku preferring some bodies over others? potentially missing the original body kenjaku used to possess? a sense of dissociation, perhaps, too? or nonchalance? i'm not sure.)

and since my humour is a little bit too raunchy for my own good, i keep on making myself laugh by thinking of kenjaku having a partner who just calls kenjaku an 'ancient brain with teeth leaking fluids' or 'you're just a brain—suguru's the one who's pretty' and kenjaku would be like, 'yeah? is that so? well i'm the one fucking you with his dick.'

ANONNNNN I’VE READ THIS ASK OVER AND OVER AGAIN LIKE A MILLION TIMES you have nooo idea how ecstatic i got seeing it !!! I DOOOO LIKE KENNY I LOVE KENNY he’s my fave jjk character hehe <333 (stsg excluded … 👉👈)

i don’t even know where to begin because i have sooo many thoughts abt this… it’s such an interesting aspect of kenny’s character that i think a lot of ppl don’t tend to discuss (partially bc he isn’t the most popular character in the first place…) SO THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO RANT A LIL buckle up my sweet anon >:33

first of all!!!!! TYSM FOR SENDING THIS IN it’s not often i get the chance to talk about kenny 🥺🥺 and honestly this is one of my favorite things about him; his identity crisis <333333 it’s soooo obvious and so so interesting and i can’t get enough of it. immortality as a trope is one i really love when it’s done well, and in kenny’s case i think it definitely is!! (but i still want akutami to explore it more in depth 😞)

in addition to that, jjk’s theme of love is so interesting when it comes to kenny because he canonically feels his vessel’s emotions, has their memories — so surely he must feel their love for people too? this is something i really hope akutami digs into more. like… did kenny love yuji when he was growing in his womb? when he was born? did he love jin? when he took over geto’s body, could he feel his love for gojo? it’s so fascinating to me.

buuuut to actually dig into your own thoughts and questions….. anon. i am in love with you. THE IDEA OF HIS FIRST HOST BEING HIS LOVER IS SO GENIUS HELLOOOOO?????? i lost it a bit when i read this ask IT’S ABSOLUTELY ROMANTIC!!! you have no idea how much i agree…… it’s a lil niche i think but!! i’m so so weak for characters who cope with the loss of a loved one by becoming them, either literally or more figuratively… i don’t see it in fiction super often but when it appears it always hits. (there’s this one game i adore where an npc you meet names herself after her dead lover and i just :(( i think it’s so romantic.)

BACK TO KENNY THOUGH …. oh anon i just adore this hc. it’s canon to me now!!! the idea of him feeling closer to his lover by taking over their corpse… it’s so twisted and desperate and it feels so fitting for him somehow. i think that kenny’s emotions are severely dulled after living for so long, but if it was his very first host, then i definitely think he might’ve cried :((( to feel your lover’s presence, to see them in the mirror, but to know they aren’t really there…. yeahhhh. fucked up </3

overall i just. really really want to see more glimpses into kenny’s previous vessels… his past…. to see him show more genuine emotion !! a big reason why kenny vs takaba is one of my favorite jjk fights is because his range of expressions is so wide, and they feel so real somehow….. there’s just sooo much about him that we don’t know yet. it’s hard to discern what parts of him are borrowed and what parts are authentic, and that makes him so intriguing as a character….. i just. love him a whole lot 🥺🥺

(also, anon… honestly… i think kenny might be in a permanent state of dissociation :’3 that might be why he’s so desperate to find some sort of meaning to it all…. unhinged little mad scientist meowmeow <33)

[freesidexjunkie]

Okay! Post found! And going with Maevris (durgetash) first and then Sarissa (Solavellan, bc i currently have her notebook in front of me and i am determined to get this plotting out today)!

Maevris

✨25. Is your OC doomed by the narrative?

I mean... kinda? Sorta? I feel like any Durge has been incredibly fucked over by the narrative from the beginning, but Mae is... she's going thru it for real. Finding out about her role in the Absolute plan was a real kick in the teeth, and then realizing she had very complicated feelings about the person she believed was responsible for it was like a double punch. I think she has pretty much accepted that she's doomed by the narrative, whether she is or not. Even if she can break free of Bhaal, she still has a tadpole in her skull. Enver is determined to go thru with this plan, together, to keep them both in a position that no one can threaten them again; she, on the other hand, is skeptical that taking control of the brain is going to matter with the tadpole still in her. She's come to terms with the fact that it can't be removed without killing her, so trying to still control the brain feels like mutually assured destruction. She's not gonna tell him she isn't expecting to survive this, and that even if she did, she doesn't want to rule the world anyways. She is so fucking tired of being someone else's pawn, of following someone else's plans, of being a target. He is very determined that he is not going to lose her again and that he will keep them safe and together no matter what. As for their ending... I'm not sure yet! Depends on how evil i want to be ig c:< I do have several on the WIP list (and by WIP i mean varying degrees of planned and some not even on paper yet).

✨29. Does your OC look their age?

I think so? How do tiefling years and human years compare again? I've heard it said that durge is around 50-60 years, but I'm thinking of her as the equivalent to mid to late 20s human years. I've got her in-game look and my favorite picrews of her (but tiefling picrew being a big funky, hard to get it just right). Lavender eyes with black instead of whites, purple skin, flushed cheeks with freckles, various scars. Killer eyeliner is a must. Black hair, bobbed a little past her chin, with pink in her long bangs. Sometimes buns. Pink horns and piercings. She's been thru hell but that divine blood keeps it from showing on her face.

✨40. Does your OC ever go back home?

Funny enough, i was actually planning a scene where Gortash goes with her to the temple of bhaal to face Orin. The whole scene of Bhaal destroying anything he can't control and Gortash being fucking distraught over losing her a second time. But when she does get freed... she would burn that temple to fucking ashes if she could. I fully except Gortash to slaughter anyone who tries to come near her body before grampa withers works his magic, and having to defend himself bc Bhaal isn't gonna let his disappointment child's baneite boyfriend keep breathing now. But no Orin, no more Urges, and no more Bhaalists to run the temple. She might poke around out of a kind of strange curiosity to see the person she used to be. Reading her own old letters and journals between and about them, walking through her room that she has no memory of. But it wouldn't jog anything pleasant, to be certain, and as far as she's concerned the place should be destroyed. Enver silently makes a note to stop by Felogyr's and send some gifts for the temple when they get back. I think, assuming they survive, her and Enver living together in an Absolute-less city would be nice though. The city that tried to kill them both and grind them into the dirt, that they rose above.

I wrote....a lot more than I anticipated but I just have so many feelings about her. I'm gonna I think make a second post abt Sarissa. Maybe. Depending on how long I can get away with ignoring my work emails.

Ooh 25,29, 40 on the OC list??

I'm sorry tumblr says this is from NOVEMBER and I didn't even SEE IT? i feel like a monster im so sorry, i don't even remember which OC list this might be from but pls know i still love and admire u and ur writing 🥺 (also if u remember which OC list i will def still answer, i always wanna talk abt my OCs)

[vinkumakkara]

just wanted to say your posts about shaundi and johnny and boss are making me feel completely insane (in a good way) i'm about to throw myself off a bridge. i'm always thinking about how the saints were built from the ground up around johnny and boss and small-brain-wondering how the other saints felt about it, esp shaundi and pierce so thank you for essentially filling those holes for me :")

i also have to wonder what in the world made those 2 agree to be lieutenants in the first place - or what made the boss target themas lieuts?? correct me if i'm wrong but i mean it can't just be that boss did some sick car stunts and shaundi was like okay hell yeah lets do this thang... can it

thank you i enjoy thinking about this stuff very much, i feel like i didn't really start to get the nuances of these games' storytelling until recently so i am very Excited to write abt it

the 2011 Saints being built around Johnny and Boss really gets to the very core of it too, i was thinking about it when i made the Shaundi = Carlos parallel because there's a kind of hero worship situation going both extremes for each of them respectively. Carlos' veneration of the gang is based on impressions left by the original Saints when Boss was the "voice of Julius" - a mere weapon wielded by both Julius and player alike - rather than possessing a voice of their own. even though i don't think he ever truly becomes disillusioned with the Saints as a whole (he might be inexperienced but he absolutely does Get It) he has to suffer Boss at their absolute worst since the moment they first open their mouth, it's a very sobering "don't meet your heroes" kinda deal where he unfortunately didn't get to live long enough to actually really learn from it. but with Shaundi it's the opposite - she feels unsure and pretty fish outta water in the beginning, clearly not used to the kinda world Boss and Johnny (and Carlos) are steeped in, but she learns to appreciate the Saints as they are and not based on spook stories or legends or even self-serving half-truths told by a man who never was who he claimed to be. she pretty quickly starts to get it, she gets what being one of Boss' Saints is truly about, and she Gets It because unlike Carlos she actually got to experience Boss at their arguable best instead of their worst first-hand. it's too bad that even when these two characters feel like they were supposed to contrast and compliment each other they didn't really get to interact beyond that one fist bump during Three Kings' outro cutscene, the strict three arc split is both a blessing and a curse

anyways, Pierce and Shaundi actually basically got in the gang for the same reason Boss is able to put their faith in them despite all their reservations - Johnny's the one who picked them after he got to know them in prison. the game doesn't really delve into what kind of relationship Johnny and Pierce have but Shaundi talks about how she ran a pruno ring with Johnny in a bit of unused dialogue for Three Kings (Pierce has a similar expository line but he just talks himself up because of course lmao). it's why i think Shaundi always specifically really looked up to Johnny even though there's merely a whisper of dialogue maybepossibly hinting at it in sr2 (it is very overt in the later games so i think it was always intended despite all their continuity/characterization issues), and i think it's why Pierce gets away with clapping back at Johnny - like look at this dude

he was ready to go against the most dangerous man in Stilwater without hesitation - generic Saints say "no one's allowed to kill a Saint but Johnny" - and he's supposed to be the Smart One! they have to be more than just mere acquaintances working together out of necessity, because otherwise Pierce would be fuckin dead before the game really even begins (there's some stuff in the game that goes against this read, like Johnny's idle line talking about how Pierce reminds him of Dex which is just not true at all, but i feel like V just really didn't know what to do with this guy so they threw all kinda shit at the wall)

overall our view into this world and its people during sr2 is limited because Boss' pov is really limited in scope due to essentially being dead for five years (without even getting into the whole "Playa" thing). despite their "waking up" they're still that exact same gullible dumbass kid from 2006 - the now-not-so-mute motherfucker who's used to doing everything on their own - just saddled with a brand new steaming pile of trust issues AND with a whole new set of responsibilities they are extremely ill-equipped to handle. Julius broke Boss' already pretty piss fumed brain to an extent where even they themselves are capable of seeing the damage and especially in the beginning of the game a lot of their interactions with Shaundi and Pierce feel strained and surface level exactly because of this reason. as messed up as it is, Johnny - at that point being the only person Boss truly trusts and admires - essentially functions as their conduit for any semblance of normalcy (and he himself has been in prison for years too, just very functional all around). Boss might be the appointed leader but when you get down to it Johnny's the real glue that holds not only the entire gang together, but Boss as well. when Johnny is in the hospital and Pierce asks what will happen if he doesn't survive, "then we've got bigger problems" is honestly downplaying it - they all need Johnny, whether they realize it or not.

(Pierce dismissively shaking his head in response is so harsh too. he either really, really doesn't get it, or worse yet he gets it and simply sees no value in any of it. i like to think it's at least partly just him being completely fuckin clueless socially and kinda having tunnel vision when it comes to his ambitions, but when you look at his characterization in srtt... yikes if that's how he was always intended to go)