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xinganhao · 29 days ago

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📒 svt when reader journals about them.

@hannie-bees → "Svt finding out abt the journal you made about your memories of them like when you go on dates or candid pics you took without them knowing ???"

⌗ ┆the bujo spreads were taken from pinterest, and most came from @_thatskioshi on instagram! <3

‧₊˚✩彡 includes: established relationship, pet names, fluff, a kms joke, one too many 'oh my god's, [short] headcanons under the cut. open to requests!

📒 headcanons .ᐟ

— would tease you about it ✩ jeonghan, junhui, wonwoo, chan.

jeonghan and chan are not about to let you live this down. sure, they appreciate your work and they're hopelessly endeared by your cuteness. but you don't have to know that. instead, they fall back on joking around. jeonghan would probably proudly refer to himself as your 'bias', while chan goads you for having a crush on him. they're a little annoying about it, but it's only because they don't know how to properly express just how much this little hobby of yours means to them. junhui is a bit of somewhere in the middle. he'll have a wisecrack (or two) about your pages, but he's ultimately more openly appreciative of what he considers to be genuine art. he'll start begging you to make him copies or collages for his own keeping. if you comply, he'll have one in his wallet at all times, to look at whenever he misses you. wonwoo's teasing is a lot more pared down compared to the others. it's still there, though. his little remarks about taking photos on dates for your 'wonu book' (his words, not yours). as much as he'll tease you about it, there's also a quiet air of affection around him. he'll be more willing to pose how you want him or to dress in certain clothes if it means it will make you happy with the pages you end up doing.

— would be chill about it ✩ seungcheol, jihoon, minghao, vernon.

seungcheol is smug. of course he is. he's proud, even, when he sees how much time and effort you've put in to these little pages of him. he's likely to encourage it in the form of more cute stationery, to the point that you'll have to beg him to stop getting you stuff. he'll joke to you that it's an investment— the equivalent exchange being that he now has to see all your future pages, too. jihoon gives off the air of someone who doesn't really seem to care about what you consider to be an embarrassing secret. inwardly, he's impressed. he's an artist himself, after all, and he knows how much goes in to creating. but what will really get you is when you realize he's not joking about the song-after-every-date. he'll write anything from a full track to a couple of verses. if you have your journal, he has his composition book with your name at the very front. minghao and vernon will be similar in the sense that they're both appreciative of your effort, as well as the artistry of the pages. minghao is likely to comment on the little details of your spreads while vernon will ask all the right questions to learn more about it. they won't bug you about it moving forward, though there's a private sort of contentment to them that this is something you do for/because of them.

— would not be chill about it ✩ soonyoung, mingyu, seokmin.

oh, these three. soonyoung will scream about it to literally everyone. he acts almost like no one has ever done this for him before. when you try to point out that he probably has fans who does this on the daily, he takes personal offense. because this is you. him from your perspective. and he'll talk about it until the day he dies, he swears. in tagalog/filipino, there's an untranslatable word called kilig. the closest that people have come to translating it is 'cuteness aggression', though kilig runs much deeper. that's exactly how mingyu feels when he finds out. he'll squish your cheeks, bombard you with kisses, hug you until you can't breathe. he loves you so much in that very moment, in the knowledge that you feel a fraction of what you feel for him. and seokmin, the sweetheart :( you'll probably have to check in on him because he'll be inconsolable. you're dating; he knows that. you love him; he knows that, too. but to have a physical, tangible reminder of it? to hold proof of that love in his hands, in the form of a carefully curated journal? he'll cry you a river over just how grateful he is to love well and be loved well.

— would want to participate ✩ joshua, seungkwan.

best believe that mr. arts and crafts joshua hong would immediately be on board. of course, he's largely appreciative of your effort, but he's also mostly keen on picking up this little hobby with you. he'll be infuriatingly good at it, too, with his eye for color and his attention to detail. it will become a new 'thing' for the two of you, to log your dates this way. seungkwan has a lot less finesse. he doesn't really know what he's doing, but his enthusiasm makes up for it. he's more likely to end up with a lot of stray stickers and pen marks on his palms. at the end of the day, he wants to make good on his word: you deserve to be seen from the perspective of someone who loves you, too.

#svt smau #seventeen smau #svt fluff #seventeen fluff #svt imagines #seventeen imagines #svt x reader #seventeen x reader #── ᵎᵎ ✦ reqs #[ this was sooooooo cutesy ... ]#── ᵎᵎ ✦ mine #── ᵎᵎ ✦ milestone

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saintobio · 4 months ago

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the perfect boyfriend, feat. l&ds xavier.

pairings. xavier, fem!reader genre. fluff, smut, established relationship, 18+ tags. petnames (bunny), jealousy, virginity loss, unprotected sex, cockwarming, slight dom/sub play, same timeline!xavier notes. he’s still my l&ds main until july 15th just kidding :’D i love xav sm he’s literally so bf material to me

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who had a hard time expressing his feelings the first time he met you. he used to be a man of a few words—or, as you liked to put it, a very nonchalant guy. it’s not that he’s disinterested. in fact, every small interaction he’d had with you lingered on his mind all night. you’re all he can think about until he finally had the courage to confess to you one day, after saving you from a bunch of wanderers, and thinking he’d almost lost you. again. he just couldn’t let that happen.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who always responds to your texts and calls right after you press send or hit the ring button. he values your time and doesn’t want you to feel ignored after that one particular incident… when he fell asleep the entire afternoon and his phone conveniently died, only to see a number of missed calls and text messages from you the moment he woke up. he felt really bad at how worried you got, so he made a promise to always keep himself available for you.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who enjoys hotpot, and has made it a habit to suggest dining at his favorite hotpot place after a successful mission. it’s not just the spicy broth that he loves about that place; it’s also your care in serving him and arranging ingredients in his bowl. you were such a dream girl to look at.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who gets very jealous whenever you’d talk about another male colleague of yours. he wouldn’t say it out loud, but the signs are there when he starts showing that cute, grumpy face. he becomes very competitive too, asking questions like, “so, did you enjoy your time with him?” or “do you usually talk to him a lot?” and you figured that the best way to cut him off during his fits of jealousy, is to squeeze his cheeks and give him a soft, tender kiss, swearing to him that you are his and his only.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who makes it a routine to take note of the way other couples interact. and he’s specifically observing the man more than the woman. he has a journal called, ‘how to make my girlfriend happy’ where he writes about what he would notice guys typically do to make their girlfriends smile and laugh. one time, while he was walking downtown, he passed by an arcade place that had a row of new claw machines. the guy managed to get his girlfriend a stuffed toy, and in seeing how much the girl liked it, xavier invites you the next day for a claw machine date, promising that he won’t stop until he gets you the bunny plushie you wanted.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who loves it when you call him ‘xavi’, both casually and… sensually. there’s something so sexy about hearing you say “xavi~” into his ear, especially when you’re leaning way too close to him that he can smell that sweet scent of yours.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier whose mind is as vast as the known universe. he enjoys talking about the cosmos, the galaxy, and the stars alike—sometimes, he’d even be poetic about it. and that’s why he got the nickname ‘galaxy kid’ from you. there are nights where you two would go to the rooftop, watching the stars while lying next to each other. for xavier, there’s nothing more peaceful than stargazing with the girl he adores.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who was extremely nervous on your first night, because you were his first the same way he was yours. he doesn’t want to seem inexperienced in the sex department, so he tried gathering learning resources prior to you spending the night over at his apartment. in his head, he had mental notes, a very explicit and detailed one, of the things he had to do to please you: 1) kiss you, stroke your hair, and lay you in bed 2) slowly undress you, continue kissing down your body, cup your breast, and trace your curves 3) spread your legs open, place his fingers on your clit, then play with your sensitive bud, gently insert a finger or two 4) deepen the kiss when you moan, guide your hand and make you stroke his length, while he pulls his fingers out and sucks his digits to taste you 5) make sure you’re all wet and aroused, place his swollen tip on your entrance carefully, bury his cock inch-by-inch and stop whenever it hurts you, then wait until you’ve adjusted before he starts rocking his hips back and forth. was it a success? of course! he had followed every step diligently.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who ended up asking for two more rounds after your first session. he thought he didn’t perform well the first time because he felt like you made him cum too fast. he just didn’t expect you to be that tight, like your pussy was swallowing his member, your velvet walls wrapping around his girth as if milking him of his cum. missionary was the perfect position to start, but for the second round, he insisted on letting you ride him so you’d find the rhythm you want. and boy, did he go crazy as he watched you move your hips so goddamn sensually. he couldn’t stop his hands from touching your body, kneading your tits, and squeezing your buttocks. “my beautiful girl,” he’d moan, half-lidded eyes staring straight into yours, “you’re so good at this, y/n.”

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who finally learned what fetish means after personally experiencing one of his own. it was waking up with his cock still buried deep inside your cunt, his arms protectively wrapped around your frame as you slept soundly. or were you already awake by then? he wasn’t sure, but he could feel your pussy clenching around his shaft and he couldn’t tell if you were doing it on purpose. but damn, isn’t that hot? he’d think to himself, with his member growing harder the more he thought about it. “my bunny’s so naughty.”

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who loves it when you pet his hair like a good boy. your hands are magical! he’d fall asleep in a blink of an eye when he’s laying on your lap and you’re running your fingers through his hair. during nighttime though, he’s an absolutely sucker for the more dominant version of you. the way you’d pull his hair, grab his chin, and even as far as playing with his aching member using the tip of your tongue. agh! you’re making him sin.

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who has a knack for giving you small gifts and trinkets, like that pretty little ribbon he saw at a store. or that moon-shaped desk lamp. or that pearl bracelet with a bunny charm. his girlfriend isn’t just sexy, she’s also cute. so she needs to have cute things!

⋆｡˚ ୨ৎ bf!xavier who treats you like a princess and makes sure you’re always warm and comfortable around him. too cold? he’d be sure to bring his hoodie for you. too hot? he’d buy you the best ice cream in town. whatever you wanted, he would get it. and he never, ever lets go of your hand whenever you two are walking around. he just can’t let you wander too far off, afraid that he won’t be able to protect you if he can’t see you. he adores you so much, and his heart swells at the mere thought of you. because there’s nothing more precious to him than the first and only girl he’ll ever love in this world. you.

#love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace x you #love & deepspace x reader #love & deepspace x you #lads xavier x reader #lads xavier x you #l&ds xavier x reader #l&ds xavier x you #xavier x reader #xavier x you #xavier smut #xavier fluff #l&ds smut #l&ds fluff #l&ds headcanons

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applepiewinchesters · 3 months ago

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Every Universe (Logan Howlett x fem!Reader)

A/N: This was written while I was slightly intoxicated, I regret nothing though and hope you guys enjoy it. It was proofread but I cannot say there will be no grammatical errors. Regardless, please enjoy!! :) Also, takes place in the Deadpool and Wolverine universe.

Word Count: 4,158 (this bitch is long, for me at least)

Warnings: None really unless you count angst and fluff as well as the mention of butt stuff

Finding out that not falling in love with a man being the sole reason you were sent to the void seemed like a pretty patriarchal reason to essentially be damned but who were you to question the TVA.

The day you were sent to the void you’d seen the news, MULTIPLE CASUALTIES AFTER ATTACK AT XAVIER’S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED YOUNGSTERS, names such as Jean Grey, Marie D’Ancanto, Scott Summers, Hank McCoy, and Logan Howlett were read out by the heartbroken looking anchor.

Being a mutant yourself, the news stung and left a pit of anxiety in your stomach. It was an attack by an anti-mutant terrorist group, if they were bold enough to attack the home of Charles Xavier, why not a shopping mall next, or another school full of mutant and non-mutant children alike.

Only minutes after the newscast on the tragedy started four rectangular, orange portals opened in front of and behind you. Four men dressed in odd looking military uniforms stalked towards you. You didn’t even have time to attempt to fend them off before they grabbed you, holding you down while you attempted to break free but even with your mutation, they were too strong.

All you remembered was one of them placing some weird stick against your stomach and you screamed as you essentially dissolved into nothing.

When you woke you were found by who you now knew as Blade, and were told you were in the Void, where you would stay until you died or were killed by a fellow member of said Void.

You’d been there for a what you thought was probably a few years when a couple of Deadpool and Wolverine variants were found by Laura in an absolutely fucked Honda Odyssey. She brought them there and Gambit and Blade brought them inside and laid them down. They appeared as if they’d just had a horrific fight or the most violent sexual encounter ever.

The Wolverine variant was the first to wake up, quite literally shooting up into a sitting position while breathing heavily. His claws extended quickly from his knuckles, and he made an almost animalistic sound.

“Easy there killer,” you almost teased, holding up your hands, you’d been the one unfortunate enough to be closest to him when he woke up, so his eyes immediately fixed on you.

Several emotions seemed to flash across his face at once, his look of anger changing to one of shock. His claws disappeared just as quickly as they’d appeared just moments ago as you slowly put your hands down, now a little concerned for the man.

“Y/N?”, he asked, his head tilting slightly.

It was your turn to look confused, “Did we know each other?”, you asked.

Sure, you’d heard of Wolverine, of Logan, but you’d never met him personally, you had originally been set to attend Charles Xavier’s school when you were 18 but after an attack on the school the same year your parents had decided against it.

The Logan before you’ s face fell slightly; he seemed almost hurt. It took him a second to respond, “I, uh, I guess not.”

That was when Elektra cut in, explaining to Logan where he was and how she’d found him and Deadpool. While he seemed to only half listen, he got up and found the nearest bottle of Gambit’s booze and started drinking it.

When Deadpool woke up it was a completely different side of weird, you hadn’t had the pleasure of coming across a Deadpool variant, but you’d heard how odd they were, and unfortunately for you, you thought they were exaggerating.

After annoying literally everyone in the room, the Deadpool variant all got you to somehow agree to help him and Wolverine get back to the TVA to save his timeline, as well as a sneak attack on Cassandra Nova. The whole time Logan watched you from the corner of his eye.

He couldn’t completely convince himself it was you. The last time he’d seen you, you were lying dead on the front lawn of the school, killed by a large group of humans, along with almost everyone at the mansion. You were covered in blood and cold by the time he’d gotten there. He’d held onto you until the coroner was nearly begging to take you away.

Logan remembered almost everything about you. Your favorite movie, what food you hated, and even the feel of your hand in his. But when you looked at him with little to no recognition in your eyes, his heart could’ve broken all over again.

You had no idea the conflicting feelings he’d had while you sat only a few feet away. You looked practically the same, maybe older than you were when you’d died in his world, he was older too, maybe you just didn’t want to be with an old man and were pretending not to know him. He was the worst Wolverine after all, he wouldn’t blame you.

But then there were some things you did that reminded him of his version of you, the way your laugh sounded exactly the same, how you sat the same way in your chair, and you even made the same face when you’d taken a drink of Gambit’s whiskey as when you’d sip his occasionally while the two of you sat on the couch in the mansion watching some movie one of the others had put on.

It was you, just, one that apparently hadn’t fallen in love with Logan Howlett. Logan himself couldn’t help but wonder if that had been your reason for being sent here, but thought better of it, deciding he'd probably never have that kind of impact on any kind of world.

After a successful attack on Cassandra and her small army, Deadpool and Wolverine were gone, and you hadn’t expected to ever see them again. Then Cassandra almost destroyed every timeline to exist, and you’d thought for sure those two variants had gotten themselves killed.

But then the TVA came for you and brought you to said Deadpool variants world, which he had successfully and somehow saved with Wolverine’s help. You couldn’t help but notice Logan’s shirt missing this time around. Almost cursing yourself for not trying harder to go to Xavier’s school when you were younger, having a chance to meet your world’s Logan. A man’s abs can do that to a woman.

“Happy to not be in the void and all, but why am I here?”, you asked, eyeing the agents around you and taking in the cracked subway station.

“I thought I’d give a little gift to Wolvie here,” Deadpool replied in an overly enthusiastic manner, throwing an arm around Logan who instantly pushed him away.

“I’m not a gift to give you dumb fuck,” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest.

Deadpool ignored your obvious distain and continued, “Well I figured since he lost you in his world and you never falling in love in your world caused his death that you could stay here with us!”.

Your eyes widened and you had to think about what he’d said for a moment, “I-I got him killed? I got Logan and those other mutants killed?”.

Logan couldn’t focus on the other details once his name left your mouth; he hadn’t heard you say that in almost a decade.

You on the other hand turned to the woman beside you that looked to be in charge.

“Is that the reason I was sent there, because I didn’t fall in love with Logan Howlett and he died because of it?”, you asked, you felt like you could be sick.

The woman sighed, almost regretful, “Yes, it was,” she finally answered you. “Without your help of your mutation those mutants did not survive that attack on the school.”

“Oooooo, trauma plot twist,” Deadpool practically squealed.

“Shut the fuck up!”, you snapped back, making Deadpool whisper a bashful, “Sorry,” and take a step back.

The TVA agents left shortly after, and that was how you found yourself living in a small apartment with Wade, Logan, and the craziest old lady you’d ever met, Blind Al.

Wade and she shared a room as weird as it was, you were given the spare room Blind Al reluctantly let you use, as it was now formerly her grow room, and Logan elected to sleep on the couch.

You settled in somewhat nicely, you still felt awkward in a world that wasn’t yours living with a doofus that you'd grown somewhat fond of and a man you got killed in his other life, but you had new friends, ones that didn’t have a huge chance of dying every day so that was a plus.

Yukio and Ellie had gravitated towards you, you were somewhat close in age, with them being early twenties and you in your somewhat late twenties, they reminded you of your younger sibling’s friends from back home in your previous world.

So, when they invited you to go out a month after you settled in, you couldn’t say no, it would get you out of the house at least, you wouldn’t have to sit and listen to Wade and Logan argue or endure Logan’s kicked puppy look when he thought you weren’t looking.

You felt awful you weren’t the you he thought you were, and you knew it was nothing you could control but after Wade let it slip what had happened to you in Logan’s world you couldn’t imagine how you’d feel if the roles were reversed.

So, to hopefully be able to forget about everything for a few hours you got ready, doing some easy makeup and hair, you put on a cute outfit you’d bought earlier in the week, Yukio had begged you to go shopping after finding out you didn’t own anything for “going out” yet on this world.

You relented and picked out a skirt, top, tights, and boots, it was simple yet cute enough to not be mistaken as any old outfit.

When you’d exited your bedroom in your shared apartment shortly before Yukio and Ellie were due to come get you, Wade looked up from whatever the hell he was doing on his phone, which could be anything from porn to angry birds.

His eyes widened slightly, “Got a date?”, he asked, only slightly feigning shock.

Logan had looked up immediately at the mention of a date, he was sipping a bottle of whiskey at the kitchen table. His eyes traveled over your outfit when he thought you were busy glaring at Wade.

“Not that its your business merc but no, I’m going out with Yukio and Ellie,” you stated, tossing a lip balm you had in your hand to your small purse.

“Girls nightttt,” Wade sang, only making you sigh.

As if a divine intervention interrupted there was a knock on the door and when you opened it you found the two girls standing there waiting.

“Hi Wade!”, Yukio exclaimed waving at him.

Wade leaned back in his seat to look around you at Yukio, “Hi Yukio!”.

“Come on,” you told them, moving to leave but a hand on your shoulder made you turn around. It was Wade.

“Now honey,” he began, “don’t take drinks from strangers, don’t go off alone, and don’t hook up with anyone. You know what they say about beer goggles, you’ll be waking up next to the crypt keeper.”

While you rolled your eyes and pushed Wade’s hand off your shoulder although you knew he really did care. Logan on the other hand clenched his jaw. You weren’t his and he knew that, but Wade’s last comment set his teeth on edge.

“I’m a big girl Wade, but thanks,” you told him, turning around and leaving this time without so much as a glimpse Logan’s way.

When the door shut Wade spoke again, “She’s gonna get picked up by every hottie in the club in that outfit. Did you see her legs Peanut?”.

Wade then almost immediately flinched when he felt glass shatter on the back of his head, the alcohol in the now broken bottle staining the back of his My Little Pony shirt.

He didn’t even have to look back to imagine the look on Logan’s face, “Gotcha,” was all Wade replied, picking out a rather large glass shard from the back of his neck.

…

It was hours later when you were so drunk you couldn’t feel the cold outside, but you sure felt good on the inside. The only bad thing was that the other girls wanted to go to another club, and your social battery was just about gone.

You three stumbled out of the club, Yukio and you giggled at something Ellie had yelled at some perv leering at you when you’d walked out. Stopping the other two from turning the opposite way to another club, you spoke rather loudly despite being out of the crowd and loud music.

“I-I think I’m gonna go home! You girls go!” you told them, making Yukio frown.

“Don’t walk home by yourself, call Wade or something,” Ellie commented.

You nodded thoughtfully before gasping, “I’ll call Logan, Wade is doing butt stuff with Vanessa tonight!”.

Your loud comment sent Yukio into a giggling fit and made a guy near you wince, maybe he’d done butt stuff too.

Ellie only nodded, rolling her eyes as you pulled your phone from your purse, scrolling through the very few numbers you’d had, Wade had gotten both you and Logan phones soon after arriving, claiming he needed to be able to send you both funny videos every day. Which were no doubt ignored by Logan.

Pressing on Logan’s contact, you put the phone up to your ear, listening to it ring only once before the call was answered.

“You alright?”, was the first thing out of Logan’s mouth and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh, I’m great!” you replied, “but Ellie doesn’t want me walking home alone and Wade is doing butt stuff so will you come? I’m only a few blocks from home.”

The whole sentence was sort of rushed and you thought maybe Logan hadn’t heard you correctly because the line went silent.

You were about to repeat yourself when Logan stopped you, “I’m coming,” he told you, you could hear him shuffling around and the sound of a door closing, “What’s the name?”.

Despite having been in the club for well over an hour you had to look up and squint at then brightly lit sign, “Uhhhh,” you mumbled into to the phone, before your eyes finally focused, “House of Yes!”.

You could’ve sworn Logan chuckled, “Be there soon,” was all he said before hanging up.

“Escort secured,” you told the two girls, slipping your phone back into your purse. “He’ll be here soon,” you added, attempting to replicate his gravely tone, only succeeding in making yourself cough and sending Yukio into a laughing fit.

It was only 15 minutes of standing around before Logan showed up, you spotted him first, having turned yourself that way to look for him. He was dressed in his usual jeans, button up, and undershirt, along with a leather jacket he’d picked up recently.

He looked good you had to admit, nearly every girl outside, and even some guys turned to look at him when he walked past. He didn’t give them any sort of acknowledgement though, earning some disappointed looks from a few of them when he walked up to you.

What was it Wade said about beer goggles? Logan was hot without alcohol though, so you shook off the thought.

“Ready to go?”, he asked, eyes scanning over you, not to be a perv but to make sure everything was the same as when you left, and it was, save for the way you swayed slightly and the way you smiled at him like you were so happy to see him. He thought he’d never see that again, but he has to remind himself for what felt like that hundredth time that it wasn’t you, not his you at least.

You nodded, turning around to hug both of the girls, telling them to be safe, although you knew Ellie wouldn’t put up with anyone’s shit.

“Bye Y/N! Bye Logan!”, Yukio exclaimed, waving at you both before grabbing Ellie’s hand as they turned the opposite way.

“Alright, come on,” Logan said, taking a step away from you and waiting for you to follow him to keep walking, he made sure to keep you closest to the buildings, it wouldn’t be too great to have you fall in the street in front of a car.

It was silent for a couple minutes, you stumbled every so often and Logan’s hand always shot out, ready to catch you, but you always righted yourself, giggling as you did, and Logan found himself smiling at the sound.

You caught him smiling after a couple times, narrowing your eyes, “What’re you smiling at grumpy?”, you asked, voice anything but angry.

“Grumpy?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Yeah, it’s what I call you sometimes in my head, Mr. Grumpy is also a good one,” you told him in a very serious tone.

“Mr. Grumpy,” Logan found himself repeating, only making you laugh, which made you stumble, nearly knocking into someone walking the opposite way of you both. Logan instinctively wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you away from the almost collision and into his side.

You immediately noticed he was warm, you could feel it even with his multiple layers on, it was growing colder now outside as the days went on and you yourself knew without the alcohol, you’d probably be cold but here he was, a personal heater.

“Are you actually just a werewolf?” you asked him, making him stop walking completely and turn towards you, removing his arm from your shoulders, making you pout a bit.

“I am not a werewolf,” he told you seriously.

You groaned, “Okay but you’re really warm, you have claws, you can run on all fours, and you’ve got those little…,” you trailed off, putting your pointer fingers up on each side of your head, attempting to mimic the little swishes his hair made.

Personally, you had no idea if his hair just did that (because he’s a werewolf), or if he styled it that way. You couldn’t decide which option to like more.

When Logan didn’t seem to understand what you’d said, you reached up, lightly running a finger along one of the swoops of his hair. You jumped a bit when his hand caught your wrist as you were pulling your hand back.

There was a look in his eyes you didn’t recognize but it soon disappeared as he let you go, “Sorry,” he quickly said. “Reflex.”

You shrugged, “No harm done,” you told him, and his eyes softened at the way you brushed off his behavior from years of enduring nothing even remotely close to the gentle way you’d just touched him.

Maybe you didn’t think so badly of him. You always seemed so wary, afraid to make him angry, to say something wrong, like he was a ticking time bomb. It put him on edge and made him want to steer clear of you, he didn’t want to scare you off either. But now, standing there staring at you while you just smiled at him made him relax a bit.

“Let’s go,” you suddenly said, beginning to walk away from him. He was back at your side in moments, and you found yourself bumping into him every so often, apologizing every time you did.

Finally, he wrapped an arm around you again, pulling you back into the warmth of his side. You smiled when he did, stumbling slightly but he held you up easily, not letting you fall.

“Thanks for coming to get me,” you told him when you were only a block from home.

“No problem,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk ahead.

There were a few moments of silence before you began to giggle suddenly, Logan’s brow furrowed as he looked down at you, “What?” he asked, hopefully not regretting asking.

“So, you’re not a werewolf?” you asked, looking up at him.

Logan groaned looking away from you, “No, and if you keep asking, you’ll regret it.”

“Ooo what are you gonna do?” you mocked, poking his side.

“Wouldn’t you like to know sweetheart,” he replied, making you stumble at the nickname.

“I would,” you challenged, after righting yourself with the help of Logan’s arm around you.

Logan regarded you for a moment before shaking his head, “You’re drunk, another time.”

“Ughhhhh,” you groaned, “Tell me!”.

“Not a chance,” Logan replied, smirking a bit. He’d been drinking since you left and was buzzed himself, he couldn’t help but smile at your behavior.

The you he’d known had always acted like this, at least when intoxicated. You were whiny, clumsy, and clingy. The way your fingers gripped the back of his jacket to stay up right made his heart ache though and his smile fell.

You noticed his attitude change and became concerned, “You okay?” you asked, attempting to stop walking, but Logan kept you going.

“Fine” he replied, his hold on you loosening slightly, you couldn’t help but notice.

So, you stopped, much to Logan’s dismay, moving to stand in front of him, swaying slightly as you very determinedly looked him in the eye.

“What’s wrong, did I do something?” you asked, genuine concern in your voice, he could almost feel his heart crack just slightly.

“No, it’s…,” Logan began, his tongue getting tied, he was never great at emotions, that’s why he drank so much. You didn’t have to feel anything then.

“I’m listening,” you reassured, resisting the urge to take his hand.

“You’re so much like…like her, like you,” Logan finally said, not really meeting your eye. “I thought I could ignore it, but I can’t, you even smell the same.”

Logan had rendered you with nothing to say, could you truly comfort him? Reassure him? You felt yourself sobering up a bit at the thought.

It was a few moments of silence before you found your words, “I know this has been shitty for you too, and I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend. Honestly sometimes I think you hate the fact that I'm not her, me her, whatever...that you hate me. But then you do things like this and it makes me think otherwise. I guess I just don't know how to...approach you, Logan."

Logan felt his heart drop at the word “friend”, and the thought he made you feel inadequate. God he really was stupid enough to think he might have a chance with this version of you.

But he found himself lifting a hand to your cheek, feeling your skin heat up beneath his fingers, “I could never hate you, not in this universe, not in any, got it? Its my fault, for pushing that onto you, making you feel like you have to be someone you’re not.”

You couldn’t help but laugh slightly, “We’re both just fucked up in our own special way, aren’t we?”.

Logan nodded, dropping his hand, but you caught it in your own, “It’s not your fault either you know, I personally blame whatever bitchass overlord of the universe did this.”

Logan had to keep himself from solely focusing on the way your hand wrapped around his, “But…,” he went to argue.

You put up a hand to stop him, “Enough with the self-pity Howlett, its unbecoming of a man of your nature.”

“My nature?” Logan asked, titling his head at you.

“Yes, the nature of being absurdly attractive,” you admitted, looking away from him as you spoke, attempting to walk away, but he pulled you back, almost into his chest, but he kept you a few inches away, still concerned with scaring you.

“Absurdly?” Logan asked, the smirk returning to his face.

You swallowed hard, “Did I say that? I meant unappealing, completely unsightly.”

Your attempt at saving your future sober self from your drunk self was failing miserably, but Logan gave in after a few seconds, shrugging as he turned, placing his arm around you once more, guiding you towards the apartment building you could finally see in the distance.

“Whatever you say kid,” he told you.

This was the most at home you two had felt in a while, and when you sat next to each other at breakfast in the morning, Logan passing you whatever you needed when you’d asked, Wade gasped dramatically.

“Did you two also engage in butt stuff last night, or is that not your cup of whiskey Wolvie?” Wade asked.

This earned him a fork to the forehead, easily tossed across the table by Logan.

The way you laughed made Logan’s heart skip a beat instead of crack again. For the first time in quite a while he felt hope, and if being here with you meant putting up with Wade’s dumbass mouth, he could make an exception just this once.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I felt like Tumblr was seriously lacking in Logan fluff so here ya go!

#logan howlett #james logan howlett #deadpool #wade wilson #deadpool and wolverine #logan howlett x reader #xmen #logan howlett x you #logan howlett fanfiction #hugh jackman #logan howlett x fem!reader #logan howlett imagine #logan howlett fluff

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marvelwitchergilmore · 2 months ago

Text

Let Me Prove It

Summary: Logan x Fe!Reader -> After months of grieving for Logan, he proves to you he's not going anywhere.

Disclaimer: Descriptions of death, blood, reader goes through grief of losing Logan. Angst, sadness, some fluff. There is a happy ending. Illusions to smut towards the end. Not Proof Read.

You could remember the day you fell in love with Logan Howlett.

It had been a rainy afternoon. Nothing grand had happened that day. The kids had been in classes all day, most exams were happening all week but by Friday, they’d all be over for the semester. There was stew, heating up on the stove, and you had been reading your book.

At least, you’d been trying to.

Often, your mind would wander off on its own and only half way through your train of thought would you realise you had boarded the wrong train and it was already moving. And just like a flash of a meadow, snapping past one of the compartment windows, you discovered you had feelings for Logan.

And watching him walk through the backdoor only a moment later, confirmed your thoughts.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Your train came to a halt and you snapped up, focusing on reality. “What?”

Logan grumbled. “Nothing. Dinner ready?”

“Almost. Storm’s looking for you, by the way. She wants to know if you can cover her class next week. She’s got a doctor's appointment and no one’s available.”

Logan still had his back turned as he looked in the cupboard for something. “Sure. What class?”

“History. What are you looking for?”

Logan didn’t fully answer you. He just mumbled a noise before pulling a small box out from the back and closing the door. Turning around he opened it up, took a cookie out before offering it to you.

“She got a lesson plan?”

Looking down at your book, you dog-eared the page. Sometimes, you’d use a bookmark but considering most of them would disappear without a trace and leave you fending for yourself to find your page again, hours after you’d read it, you gave up on them.

“Yeah, she’s already left it in your room.”

“Of course she has.” Logan took another bite of his cookie and rounded the kitchen island.

Your gaze followed him. Mostly out of curiosity. You and Logan were friends. Not best friends. But good friends. Well…

Good enough friends.

Could you really be in love with him?

Reaching up into the top cupboard, he brought down the set of bowls and took half from the top.

“You take the rest.”

And for the next ten minutes, you both laid out the table in time for dinner.

Then you watched as he helped some of the younger kids with their hot meals. Despite all of his grumbling and his small protests when it came to calling him the best baby-sitter.

Logan was good with kids.

Yep.

You were in love with Logan.

And just like how you could remember the day you fell in love with Logan, you could also remember the day he died.

It had torn you to pieces.

It still did.

It had been on a mission. You’d all faced worse before. And yet, somehow, nobody was prepared for what was about to happen. Everything blew up. Quite literally. You had been helping some of the kids to safety with Storm and Scott. Scott had left half way through, running to find Jean and help her. Storm had given him cover, as well as the kids.

And once you knew the kids were in safe hands on the jet, you ran back.

Only, when you got to the top of the hill, having skidded to a halt only to catch yourself on a rotting tree, you looked down to see for the first time, the image that would be forever imprinted in your mind.

Logan and Jean were at the bottom. Scott had made it just in time to hold his girlfriend back when Logan took the brunt of the attack. It sent him flying and when he fell to the floor, your gut twisted.

Usually, he’d get up.

But something was off.

He wasn’t getting up. Not as quickly, anyway.

And when he did, an attack came sooner than anyone else had expected.

Straight through his stomach and a second through his side, Logan was impaled to the tree before being torn from it, sent flying forward with the tentacle branches before being pulled off and sent flying to the ground.

You remembered screaming his name along with the others before running forward. Storm had made it there before you, but you were the first on your knees beside him, trying to check for any healing that was starting.

It wasn’t.

You heard the muffled voices of the rest of the team in your ears, fighting against your own heartbeat as you looked down at Logan. He was bleeding out and fast.

The bodies beside you disappeared and followed after the attacker and soon everything became…

Silent.

The ringing in your ears had stopped, your ears had gotten used to your own heartbeat, and you tried your best to focus on Logan.

His eyes were closed. Begging him through your own tears for him to open his, you took his hand. Feeling for his pulse, it was weak. And getting weaker.

“Logan…please. Please don’t do this.”

Then your hearing focused on his heartbeat. Each beat took longer to come after the other until finally, with one weak squeeze of goodbye to your hand, Logan died.

The hours that followed after that became a blur.

The man you loved but had never told had died in front of you. You had heard his heartbeat stop. You had felt his last goodbye. He never got any last words. Just one last touch.

And every night that followed after that, you re-lived it. Over and over and over again. Each night, the same. Logan. The branches. The blood. The pulse. The heartbeat. The touch. The silence.

Sometimes you’d wake just as he touched your hand, the ghost of a feeling left on your palm as you woke.

The others never bothered to ask. At least, not after the first time you had told them. The Professor had gathered you all in his office after everything had happened. And all you could think of was that Logan’s body was lay, lifeless, underneath the school.

He had asked you what had happened and, with your arms folded and your eyes on the ground, you answered him.

“He wasn’t healing. There wasn’t anything I could do. He died,” you explained before looking up at the Professor and giving him Logan’s time of death. “May I go now? I want to make sure the kids are okay.”

The Professor excused you and you left as quickly as you could, the door slamming a little louder than you had meant.

And for the next two months, you…kept yourself busy.

People talked about Logan, they were determined to keep his memory alive. But they didn’t have to go to bed at night, just for his memory to die again. Each morning, you seemed to wake up earlier than usual. And with the feeling of Logan’s hand against yours, you busied yourself as best as you could.

Grading papers, alphabetising the library, cleaning every possible surface including the ceilings, constantly doing the laundry. Weeding out the garden, planting some new flower beds. Fixing the creaky wooden board in the hallway, painting the doors and wooden boards between the windows. Trimming the bushes, scrubbing the pots (even the old ones that weren’t in use anymore).

You did anything and everything you could. Mostly to keep your mind busy but party because you hoped, if you tired yourself out enough, you might have caught a break. Made it one night through without re-living Logan’s death.

But all of that changed one afternoon when you were called to the Professor’s study.

Where you came face to face with…

Logan.

Everyone was confused.

Apart from the Professor.

And throughout the meeting you remained quiet. Obviously, everyone was angry at the fact the Professor had kept such a big secret.

“We didn’t know if it would work and we didn’t want anyone to have to re-live their grief.” The Professor explained. “It was a shot in the dark.”

“How is this even possible?” Storm asked as she sat down.

“It seems Logan’s healing abilities were simply weakened. He needed help to heal. Medical help that not I, nor I’m afraid even you, Jean, could give him. There is a doctor I know, based in Alberta. She helped boost Logan’s healing factor and made sure that whatever had weakened him was no longer in his system.”

There was a little more explaining to do, but you could feel yourself drifting from the conversation. You just kept looking at Logan as he stood by the window and the Professor’s desk.

He had his back turned when you had walked inside, the others all looking confused and annoyed, having to wait for you before they got their explanation.

He had died.

You had seen him die.

You had felt him die.

And yet, there he stood. His hands in his pockets, looking around the room, breathing and living as if nothing had even happened.

Not long after all the explanations, everyone got to voice their opinion and you came last. Everyone looked at you, including Logan.

And all you wanted to do was run.

To him or away from him, you couldn’t quite tell.

So, with a breath, you forced a half smile and nodded. “It’s good to have you back. Professor, may I go? I’ve got a class that’s about to start.”

“Of…of course. I would have thought-”

Reaching for the door, you looked back. “See you round, Logan.”

Just before you closed the door, you heard Storm announce her way to Logan to give him a hug. But even the Professor couldn’t concentrate on that because he couldn’t help but notice there was something different about you.

Of course, he’d noticed you’d been keeping yourself busy. Missing out on family dinners, eating yours when you found the time later on in the evening, cleaning up the classrooms after hours, doing a little touch ups here and there with a smaller paint can and paintbrush.

Little did he know, you had just been filling in the spots you had missed the day before.

But he had figured you had been like the others. Itching to hug Logan. Being glad he was alive and breathing.

Instead…

You had barely said two words and had left as soon as you could.

“Are you okay?” Storm asked you later that night when you were cooking dinner.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Storm lifted herself onto a stool opposite you. “I don’t know. You just didn’t seem…excited about Logan being back.”

“Of course I’m excited he’s back.”

“Then would it kill you to show it?” Storm asked, half jokingly. “Here, let me help.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay, I’m almost done.”

Storm moved her hands away from your chopping board slowly. “Okay. Are you sure you’re okay?”

You smiled. “Ororo, I’m fine. Scouts honour. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

You shrugged, forcing your mind back to reality. “Nothing. It’s just been a long day, s’all.”

Later that evening, you found yourself alone in your classroom. The others were down the hall having dinner but you had found yourself something to do. You could have gone down but whether out of habit of the last two months or fear, you didn’t wish to join them.

Your appetite had already been worse for wear over the last couple of weeks. If you were sat at the table, across from Logan, you wouldn’t have been able to even think about eating.

So, taking another bite of your sandwich, you turned back to your essays.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Logan looked around the table. You were missing.

“Whose turn was it to cook tonight?” Logan asked.

“Y/n’s.” Jean told him. “She’s been making most of the meals lately. Guess she just got the cooking bug.”

“But she’s not here.”

Jean shrugged it off. “She’ll probably get some later.”

“Where is she?” He asked as he went to stand. But Jean stopped him.

“Oh, no. Stay. Come on, Everyone needs to catch up.”

“Catch up on what?” Logan asked. “I’ve been in a hospital in Alberta for two months.”

“Please, just…stay. Besides, Y/n’ll appear when she wants. She’s probably busy.”

And after a little bit more convincing, Logan stayed. You’d left so abruptly that morning, he questioned if you even wanted to see him at all.

It continued like that for a week.

At first, Logan tried to convince himself you weren’t avoiding him. But as the week went on and he began to see less of you inside his routine, he knew you had to be.

And then he began to notice things.

Everything seemed cleaner than when he had left. And brighter. Fresher, even. The doors had been given a paint job. Despite it being dry, he could still smell the aroma of fresh paint in the air. The halls were less creaky when he walked down them. The cupboards were tidier. He could find his cookies with ease now.

And despite the fact he didn’t read all that much, he knew the library had changed. Even the books that no-one ever touched. There wasn’t a speck of dust to be seen near them. And one of his personal favourites – a book he tended to read around winter, where the cover was falling off and the pages were falling apart – had been binded to look like new.

So, taking action into his own hands, he went to look for you.

And it wasn’t long before he found you.

You had escaped him when he saw you planting fresh flowers in the garden, and you had escaped him when you had brought in the groceries having used Storm as a distraction for you to slip out of the kitchen once everything was away.

But he had found you in the library.

Once again, you hadn’t come to dinner, making up an excuse that you needed to work. And Logan knew for a fact you hadn’t left to come and get your dinner yet so, he brought it to you.

“Thought you might be hungry.”

You looked up but Logan had already heard the change in your pulse.

“Oh…thanks. You can just leave it there.”

And he did.

“You’ve got to eat at some point.”

“I will,” you looked back up at him. “Soon. I promise.”

This was the longest conversation you’d both had since he got back. So, he took a seat across from you.

“What are you working on?”

“Work.”

Logan smiled. “Funny.”

Then the silence washed over you both. But he didn’t want it to stick. “Y/n?”

You hummed a response.

“Can you look at me?”

Your heartbeat seemed to jump and you took in a discrete breath. Finally seeing your face, Logan smiled.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’ve not been avoiding you.” You looked back at your work.

“Yes, you have.”

“What makes you say that?”

Logan gave you a list. “The constant work, the avoidance of dinners, the silent treatment. Did I do something?”

You shook your head. “You haven’t done anything, Logan.”

“Then can you look at me when you tell me that so I might believe you.”

Finally, you looked at him.

“Tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.”

Logan asked again. “What’s going on?”

You laughed, nervously. “Nothing’s going on. Logan, I’m fine.”

“Are you? Because you’ve been avoiding me since I got back and- what? What is it?”

You laughed again, except this time you didn’t know how you’d describe it.

“‘Got back’ you repeated his words. “You say that as if you left for a vacation. You died, Logan. Or did you forget that?”

“No. Y/n. What’s going on?”

You shook your head and packed away your things as quickly as you could. “Forget I said anything. Thanks for dinner.”

“You didn’t even eat-” Logan watched you walk away from him again.

He’d rather have you fight him than avoid him, so he pressed on.

“Talk to me.” Logan followed after you. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. It’s late, Logan. Go to bed.”

“Only when you do.”

“What?” You asked.

“Your bedroom, it’s upstairs, down the hall from mine. In the opposite direction. The only thing this way is your classroom.”

“I’ve got to finish grading.”

“It’s almost midnight.”

You shrugged. “What teacher doesn’t get enough sleep?”

“Something is going on. Something has been going on. For a while. Please,” Logan begged. “Just tell me what it is.”

You stopped in your tracks. “Do you really want to know what it is?”

“Yes.” Logan nodded, stopping in front of you.

“Okay then, I’ll tell you.”

And you did.

“I watched you die, Logan. I heard your heart stop. I watched as blood pooled out of your body with no way for me to stop it. Even after three scalding hot showers, I still had your bloodstains on my skin, under my nails and on my clothes. Every night when I close my eyes, I re-live it. Everything. Every tiny detail. And the silence afterwards…it’s deafening. Sometimes I wake up, still feeling the pressure you put into my hand. Sometimes it’s still there hours after I wake up. I had spent every single day keeping myself busy, finding extra work for myself, just to make sure that I don’t start daydreaming about the waking nightmare I had to watch you go through. I had spent the last two months going over and over in my head what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. But I could never bring myself to do it, because I had watched you die. I had felt you die. So, please. Forgive me if I’m not jumping with joy because I can miraculously forget what happened, like everyone else.”

Logan let your words wash over him. No one had told him. He had a sneaking suspicion they hadn’t because even they didn’t know. Maybe they never asked. Maybe they just hadn’t noticed.

Gaining back your breath, you went to turn away.

“Goodnight, Logan.”

Closing your classroom door behind you, you silently locked it and pressed your back against it feeling your entire body start to shake. Slowly, your legs went from underneath you and you lowered yourself to the ground by sliding down the door. You tried your best to squeeze your tears back into your eyes with the heels of your hands, but nothing could stop them.

Not now.

Not when you had just admitted the truth to the one man you never thought you would see again.

Three times Logan turned back to your classroom door, ready to walk inside. But he didn’t know what he would say.

So he waited.

Back in his room, he waited to hear the door to your room close.

And after two hours, he finally did.

And before he knew it, his feet were carrying him towards your door. Only, he stood there for ten minutes, unsure of what to do with himself.

At some point, he finally knocked.

Turning off the tap by the sink, you hung up your flannel onto the radiator bar and dried off your face when you heard the soft knock at your door.

There was only one person who could have been up so late.

He knocked again after a minute or two.

And you opened up the door.

Whatever Logan had just semi-prepared in his mind, slipped away. He was going to say something. But looking at you, standing in front of him…all words failed him.

And the longer he stood in front of you, the louder the reminder came to you that he wasn’t dead. He was alive. He could be shot with twelve live rounds and the bullets would pop right back out of his skin. His claws would flare out and he’d be Wolverine. They’d retract and his skin would heal instantly. There would be no evidence that anything had ever happened.

Then six words slipped from your mouth before you could stop them. Before even your brain could register the thought.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

Logan felt his chest crack and his heart impale with pain.

Pushing the door open a little wider, his arms engulfed you in an embrace that would forever be imprinted on your soul. Your own arms wrapped around him, trying to remember the feel of him both physically and spiritually in case the day ever came where you truly would never see him again.

That if this was going to be your only memory of him, you could never, ever forget it.

Lifting you up in his embrace for a moment, Logan walked further inside your room, kicking the door shut with his foot. Even if no one else was awake, he didn’t want to risk anyone walking by. Clearly, no-one else knew what you had been living through in your nightmares. And he didn’t want anyone else to share this moment between himself and you.

“You spared me the pain of being alone.” Logan whispered into your hair. “I was less scared because you were there.”

“I couldn’t have left you.”

Your tears were back to rolling down your cheeks. “I’m sorry about everything you had to go through.”

Logan softly kissed away your tears, wiping the others away.

You took in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

Logan shook his head. “You saved me. You stayed with me.”

“But-”

With both your eyes closed, and Logan’s, you felt his forehead touch yours as his hands cradled your cheeks. “I’m real, Y/n. I’m alive.”

You felt Logan take your hand and press it to his chest, over his heart. His heartbeat was mostly steady, if a little quick. Spreading your fingers across his chest, you felt it rise and fall with his breathing.

“I’m alive,” he kept repeating. “I’m alive.”

Logan’s breath was drawing closer to yours. “Logan…”

“Let me prove it to you.”

And you let him.

Capturing your breath in a kiss, Logan remained soft at first. He didn’t want to scare you. He didn’t want you to jump and run away from him like you had done only a few hours before in the library.

But then you kissed back.

So he moved his hands through your hair and over your body until you were pressed against him as close as you possibly could be.

Your own hands pulled him in closer by his neck whilst the hand he’d placed over his heart remained fixed in its position.

Logan was proving to every sense in your body he was real. That he was alive. Almost counteracting the memory that had been drawn from a waking nightmare.

And as he lifted you up, your back soon pressing against the wall, you and Logan knew he would be spending the rest of the night doing exactly what he told you he wanted to do.

Prove it to you.

As morning rolled around, you felt a warm body next to you, tangled not only in you but also your sheets.

Logan.

His arms practically caged around you, you recalled every single detail from the night before. Your argument in the hallways, the classroom, the knock at the door, the hug, the kiss, the proof.

And then, you felt yourself, for the first time in months, give a real smile.

Lowering your head, you buried yourself in between Logan’s chest and your bedsheets, feeling his arms tense at your movement, holding you in the bed without a way of escape.

And as your body reacted to his touch you realised something.

For the first time since his death, you hadn’t had a nightmare. You hadn’t seen his death play on repeat inside your head. And the touch you were feeling wasn’t in your hand but rather all across your body.

Parts were aching with a soreness you never quite knew was possible and later when you would look in the mirror, you would find fingertip bruises by your hips, love bites leading down your hip bone and on your inner thigh. Smaller ones were also dotted around your collar and neck, but a rather prominent one was yet to be left by the crook of your neck from behind where Logan’s lips would find themselves before you got into a fresh shower, Logan joining almost immediately.

But until then, you’d revel in the feeling of Logan’s constant heartbeat against your hand, and for a moment your lips as you kissed his skin. Before he woke up and proved to you time and time again how real he was and how much the memory that had plagued you for two months was something that, although wasn’t easy to forget about, could become something of a distant memory.

And for the rest of your lives, he would make sure to do exactly that.

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luxaofhesperides · 8 months ago

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Final hour Ghostlights request! Soulmate AU where when your soul mate dies your soul mark expands. Duke was really heartbroken at first but now his soul mark makes it really difficult to keep his secret identity hidden because he is covered in a map of the cosmos. He has to use his shadow powers almost constantly to keep all the stars hidden! And and maybe they light up like actual stars when he uses his light powers.

He meets Danny at orientation or something at GU and they brush against each other and he just lights up like a supernova, all his stars literally blazing and he's just like "YOU!" Both excited and also OH MY GOD YOU ASSHOLE.

....I rambled a bit here I'm so sorry.

The thing about soulmates is that you don’t really know who they are until they die. And even then, most people never know who their soulmate was, only that they outlived them.

Duke became one of those people when he was thirteen.

He didn’t even notice until he went to change and saw the watercolor swirl of nebula spill out from over his heart.

One moment, he was tired and angry, ready to sneak out of his latest foster home to search for his parents and do all the things adults have failed to do. The next, he’s collapsed on his knees, shaking, unable to breathe as he tries to rip his soulmark off of his skin. He couldn’t think past the shock and horror of realizing that his soulmate is dead and Duke didn’t even know until that moment.

They’ll never get to meet.

Duke had never felt so alone before.

He spent the next few days in shock, his mind a mess of static, unable to focus. He hid away in his room, buried under the covers, and his foster parents were understanding when he whispered my soulmate’s dead. They called him out of school and brought him food and water throughout the day, gentle encouraging him to eat something every few hours.

But disaster waits for no one, and Batman was gone, so Duke pulled himself out of his misery and hit the streets again.

So his soulmate’s dead. So his parents are gone. So Gotham’s falling apart.

No one’s doing anything about it, so it’s up to Duke to start fixing things. It’s not like he had much to lose.

Soulmates become a bit of a taboo topic to him, after that. He speaks of them to no one, avoids all conversation about them, refuses to stay when people talk about soulmarks. He tries not to look at his soulmark at all.

And then he takes a hit to the chest and patches himself up with shaking hands. For the first time in months he looks at his soulmark again and…

Did it… grow?

Duke prods it gently, letting out a hiss when his bruised ribs protest at the movement. He remembers the mark being right over his heart.

But looking at it now, it branches out, swirls of galaxy and constellations reaching out along his ribcage.

Panicked, Duke grabs for his computer and looks up soulmark growth and webmd soulmark abnormalities.

Neither give him any answers, though WebMD helpfully suggests skin cancer.

“I’m gonna ignore this,” Duke decides, and pulls on a shirt and goes to sleep. The less he thinks about his dead soulmate, the better.

Time passes and Duke goes from being a Robin to being the Signal, a legitimate vigilante working with Batman. It’s nice to see Gotham start to settle, things falling into place. For once, nothing is awful; Duke’s found his parents and doctors are looking for a cure for long-term exposure to Joker Gas, Batman’s taking care of Gotham with a number of other Bats, Duke is getting used to his powers and slowly making a good name for himself out on the streets.

He keeps his focus on protecting people and getting stronger, helping solve cases with the other Bats. No one mentions soulmates, so he keeps his ever expanding soulmark a secret.

The only problem is that it keeps growing and Duke is concerned that it’ll move to a place he can’t easily hide under his clothes.

And he does need to hide them. The more his soulmark has grown, the more obvious it is, especially when he uses his powers and the stars on his skin light up like the Fourth of July. He knows it’s abnormal, but it’s also his soulmark and he doesn’t want anyone, least of all Bruce, poking around trying to study it.

The grief still lingers when he looks at it, but Duke has long since grown used to it. If anything, these days he’s quietly annoyed by how far the galaxies on his skin spread out, forcing him to take tank tops and shorts out of his wardrobe.

There’s also the tentative hope that maybe his soulmate is immortal and keeps coming back to life after they die. And they must also have terrible luck, because they just keep on dying.

Case in point: his soulmark flares and spills out onto his shoulder and wraps around his bicep. It’s not the first time he’s seen it move, but it still startles him.

“Are you serious,” Duke mutters to himself, pulling at his sleeve to adjust it and hopefully hide his soulmark. The starts are bright against his skin, and while sometimes he likes to trace them with his finger, now is not one of those times.

As pretty as it is, his soulmark is also very obvious and will cause people to realize his identity if they ever catch a glimpse of it while he’s out as Signal.

He sighs. There’s no choice but to live out the rest of his life in hoodies and sweatshirts.

As if to spite him, his soulmark grows once more.

Did his soulmate just die twice in the span of five minutes? That’s concerning.

He wishes he could meet them just so he can shake some sense into them. Maybe tell them to stop dying since it’s stressing him out so much. Maybe stick by their side to make sure they never have to die again. He’s honestly not sure what he’d do if he ever meets his soulmate, but he has to do something. This has gotten out of hand.

At least seeing his soulmark grow doesn’t hurt as much as it did a few years ago.

Lazily, he pulls at the light around him to hide the new portions of the soulmark on his arm from sight. It takes some focus, but he can hold it up long enough for him to grab a snack from the kitchen and retreat up to his room without being questioned by anyone. He could probably even keep this shirt on for the college orientation he needs to attend later in the day if the light works well enough to keep his secrets hidden.

He’s expecting Alfred in the kitchen when he arrives, but is greeted by Dick clapping a hand on his shoulder, right where his soulmark has claimed space. Duke falters and works to keep the light from fracturing as he returns Dick’s grin.

“Hey man,” he says, “What are you doing here? I thought you were out until Friday.”

“And miss a chance to hang out with you? No way. Besides, I wanted to give you a ride to your orientation.”

“You don’t have to,” Duke starts, only for Dick to cut him off.

“I’m going to,” he says, as if it’s a threat. “It’s been too long since we get to spend time together without a mask on. Are you really going to deprive me of this?”

Duke shakes off Dick’s hand from his shoulder, walking towards the pantry to find a small snack. “I guess not. It’s going to be pretty boring for you, though. I’m just going to listen to people talk about what college is like for a few hours.”

“We could always just walk around campus afterwards. I haven’t seen it since it was rebuilt after the last time Freeze attacked it.”

“Sure, that sounds fun. Thanks for offering to drive me.” Duke pulls out a box of Poptarts hidden behind stacks of pasta boxes and pulls out a pack for himself. He opens it and isn’t at all surprised when Dick steals one right out of his hands.

“Meet me out front in an hour then.”

And with that, Dick leaves, his stolen Poptart in hand, and Duke is left to shake his head and shove the Poptart box back into its hiding place. He heads off to eat his own snack, making sure no one is in the hallway as he lets go of his hold on the light. Already he can feel a migraine building with the immense focus he had to use to make sure nothing looked out of place.

At least Dick didn’t notice anything was off. If he can fool Dick, he can fool anyone.

Still, just to be safe, Duke changes into something with longer sleeves before he leaves and hops into the car with Dick.

The drive goes quickly to the tunes of ABBA, both of them singing along as they head for the GCU campus. Parking is a bit tricky, but they manage to find a spot a street away and walk towards the student union, where tables are laid out for incoming freshmen to sign in and grab a folder filled with papers meant to help them.

He waves to Dick and heads in once he gets his folder, and grabs a seat in the auditorium that’s close to a fire exit.��

It takes another twenty minutes for the presentations to start. The lights dim and Duke panics for a brief moment before drawing the shadows over himself lightly to hide the soft glow of the star etched onto his skin.

They start with introductions, bringing in advisors, professors, and student ambassadors. Most of it is basic information that Duke already knows, so he zones out and plays with some shadows at his feet, where no one can see the way he twists shadows together like some dark magic form of finger knitting.

For the next hour, Duke halfheartedly listens to people talk about preparing for classes and keeping on top of schoolwork and learning how to ask for help. He’s saved enough college students that he knows the gist of things, and the orientation really doesn’t give him anything helpful.

He probably could have skipped, but he wanted a normal college experience.

He should have known that normal means boring as hell.

As soon as the presentation ends, an advisor encourages everyone to follow the schedule tucked into their folder to give them a half day modeled after a typical student’s schedule. Of course, all the classes are nonsense just to fill up their time, made to help freshmen coming into the college by covering topics such as how to write an email and an introduction to majors and minors.

Duke already declared himself as a Human Services major, his first step into becoming a social worker like his mom was.

Also he totally knows how to write an email, what are these advisors on about? Do they really think people his age can’t write emails?

Yeah, he’s ditching. The main presentation is really the only part that matters in the orientation. He’s not walking out on anything he needs.

Duke files out after the rest of the crowd, carefully letting the shadows slip off of him once he’s outside again. Instead of finding the first ‘class’ he’s supposed to go to in the Modern Languages building, he wanders off to find a quiet place he can sit down and wait until Dick finds him.

Tucked away towards the back half of the campus is a small nook full of trees, bushes, and benches. Judging by the amount of cigarette butts left in the single trash can there, it’s a popular smoking spot.

No one’s there, so the air is clean and free of smoke, so Duke heads in, hoping to sit down.

Someone else apparently has the same idea. He hops down from one of the concrete planters that’s keeping a bush contained and nearly falls on Duke.

They both shout in surprise, then Duke is moving without thinking, reaching out to steady the startled looking guy who accidentally jumped down in front of him.

Duke only has time to take note of how blue his eyes are before his hands wrap around the guy’s wrist and Duke feels his soulmark flare with warmth.

In the shade of the trees, the glow of each star on his skin is obvious. It’s visible even through the fabric of his shirt. His soulmark, at this point in his life, stretches across his chest, his ribs, his back, and now his shoulders and upper arms. All the stars in that watercolor galaxy are shining brightly as if the night sky has been draped across his body.

Soulmarks only react like that for one reason.

“You!” Duke shouts at his soulmate, both elated to see that he’s alive and annoyed that he made Duke’s soulmark so large. “Stop dying! Do you have any idea how much stress you’ve caused me?!”

“Oh my god,” the guy says faintly, eyes fixed on Duke’s chest where his soulmark originally rested, shining brighter and bigger than any other star, as if he’s tucked a sun into his heart. “Oh my god,” he says again, with more feeling.

“I’m so happy you’re alive, but please stop dying. It’s bad for my health.”

“I think I need to sit down?”

He does look very pale and faint. Duke tightens his grip on his soulmate’s arms and guides him to a bench, gently sitting him down.

“You’re not about to die, right?” Duke asks. “I don’t think my heart could take it if meeting me killed you somehow.”

“No, no,” his soulmate manages to say, “I’m not going to die. Um. Wow. I didn’t know my soulmark would do that? Sorry.”

“Well, it’s not like you had any way of knowing. It’s all good, man. Just please stop dying.”

His soulmate winces. “Yeah, that’s not gonna be possible. Sorry. Again.”

What does that mean, though? What does it all mean?

“Can I maybe get an explanation as to why you have to die again.”

“Mmmmm no. We just met and it’s kinda personal so. No.”

“Dude.”

Duke’s soulmate shrugs helplessly. “It really is personal! I know your my soulmate and all, so I’ll probably tell you one day, but right now I don’t even know your name.”

Oh shit. He’s right. Introductions completely slipped his mind, too busy reeling over the fact that his soulmate is here and alive. Which, honestly, would be enough to throw anyone off balance.

“Shoot,” Duke says. “Sorry. You just really caught me off guard. Hi, I’m Duke, I promise I’m more put together than that.”

“Hi Duke, I’m Danny, and I’ve apparently been traumatizing you for the past few years by making you think I keep dying.”

“Well. At least we’re thrown head first into the crazy. Best way to know if we’re be a good match.”

“You sure you can handle this? You seemed pretty frazzled a second ago.”

Duke flusters and lightly whacks Danny’s shoulder. “That’s normal! Anyone would do the same when meeting their soulmate for the first time!”

“Fair enough,” Danny laughs. “This is a totally weird request and you can absolutely say no, but… can I see?” He presses a hand against one of the glowing stars beneath this collar bone, looking up at Duke with wide, hopeful blue eyes, and Duke finds it so cute that he’s willing to do anything Danny wants.

“Here,” he says as an answer, pulling the collar of his shirt down a bit to reveal the nebula spilling onto his shoulder.

“Oh,” Danny breathes, tracing a light finger against it. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m guessing you like space?”

“Love it. I wanted to be an astronaut, but uh…. It’s never going to happen. Health problems, you know?”

“Well, I know it’s not the same, but I hope the stars you put on my body will be a good enough replacement.”

Danny cheeks turn red and he turns away, flustered. “Don’t smooth talk me right now, I’m not ready for it,” he mutters, bringing up a hand to try to hide his expression.

“Sorry, sorry,” Duke laughs, “I’ll try to keep the flirting down to a minimum. It’s just really great to finally meet you. And I’ve been wondering, what’s your soulmark look like?”

“Oh, well…” Danny fiddles with the long sleeve of his shirt. “I had a pretty bad accident years ago that kinda affected how my soulmark looks. So if it looks weird, that’s why, okay?” He takes a deep breath, then pushes up his sleeve, holding his wrist out to Duke.

The first thing Duke notices is the soft yellow glow, Signal yellow to be precise, running down his arm as if sunlight fills his veins. Then he sees Danny’s soulmark, a sun with rays that wrap around his wrist. And running through his soulmark are Lichtenberg scars, glowing yellow as if stealing the color from his soulmark.

“Guess we both got super obvious soulmarks, huh? At least we kinda match, that way.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Danny agrees.

“Man, what a day.”

Danny looks more relaxed with him now. It’s much better than the startled, tense version of him that first sat down on the bench. Duke hopes he chooses to stay with him; he doesn’t admit this often, willingly, or to other people, but he’s a romantic at heart and has always wanted to live a happy life with his soulmate. It’s still far off in the future, but he hopes Danny feels the same way.

“So, are you ditching the orientation classes to?” Danny asks.

“Yeah, there’s no way I’m going. I mean, a class on how to send emails? They can’t be serious.”

“I know, right?! I saw that and thought I was being pranked. I mean, we’re going into college. We better know how to send an email by now.”

“Since we’re both free for now, wanna grab lunch with me? It can be our first date, if you want.”

“I’d love to! And you can show me around Gotham a bit. I’m coming here for college, but I haven’t really seen the city yet. It’d be nice to explore it with someone who knows where things are.”

“Are you free for the rest of the day? ‘Cause I wouldn’t mind showing you around, if you want.”

Danny smiles, radiant. “I am. I’m in your hands for the rest of the day.”

“Cool,” Duke says, trying not to think too much on that wording. It’s very suggestive, very flirtatious, and he’s looking forward to getting to know Danny more so he can start properly flirting. “Lemme just let my brother know to not wait up for me.”

He pulls out his phone and sends Dick a text that just reads: met my soulmate. going on a date now. i’ll see u back at the manor!

Then he puts his phone on silent and tucks it back into his pocket. He’ll tell Dick all about this later; for now, all his attention is on Danny.

Soulmates get priority, even stressful ones that give him the largest soulmark he’s ever seen.

And right now, he’s on a mission to find the best lunch spot to take his soulmate to for their first date. Everything else can come later; for now, he’s going to enjoy the time he gets to spend with Danny.

He hopes they’ve got a future together as bright as the stars in his soulmark.

Despite it all, Duke is sure they’re going to be alright.

#ghostlights #dc x dp #dp x dc #dcxdp #dpxdc #prompt fill #my writing #dannys obv not going to be able to keep his identity as phantom hidden for long in gotham #esp since he wants to protect people and transforms to do that #and one of those times will be in front of duke to protect him from some goons trying to kidnap duke for his connections to the wayne famil #duke ends up using his powers as well leading to an identity reveal on both ends #and then the dots connect and duke yells THIS IS WHY U KEEP DYING and danny has to sheepishly apologize for how large dukes soulmark is #he does kiss all the new stars that show up on dukes skin tho so hes forgiven very quickly #(not that duke was ever mad. he's just worried)#thanks for the prompt!!

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okwonyo · 2 months ago

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TALK TO ME, 或 𓈒𓈒 pick up lines on you.

⟡⎯⎯⎯ 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾-𝗎𝗉 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾𓈒𓈒

𝒾 ⠀⦂ ⠀ 엔하이픈 ୨୧ f ╱ r! 1OOO fluff ── non idol au skinship ⠀ ｡｡ ⠀ ( 𝑜𝑜𝑒𝑢𝑣𝑟𝑒𝑠 )

지아 ⠀⦂ ⠀hi ! enjoy this, my loves >3<

rblgs♥︎fdbcks & C𝑙𝑖CK

HEESEUNG

after pondering about it for a while— would be patient, waiting for the right time to say his flirting line to you.

would watch you from afar as you walk, following your trajectory— like some kind of stalker — looking for the moment there would be no one around you.

then, when it comes, his shoulder would ‘accidentally’ bump into yours and make you, sort of dramatically, stumble on the side. the only reason you would not fall face flat on the ground would be his hand around your arm.

“i’m so sorry,” he would tell you, with his hand on his heart and all.

you would smile at him and he would blush, “i’m fine,” you would assure him, like you knew exactly what he wanted.

“oh, yes, you are” he would smirk.

JAY

this guy would spend days looking for a good pick up line to use on you because he would read somewhere that it could work well.

would be so content of himself when he finds one. would lean on his chair with his arms crossed and satisfied sigh leaving his broad chest— would also nod in almost comedic way.

a day, would come sit next to you then stay silent for a while.

his phone’s screen would appear in front of your face suddenly, a warm smile would be drawn on his face, “all the good pick up lines were taken but you aren’t” he would softly say. “mind if i get your number?”

and, no, you would not mind at all.

JAKE

as the hopeless romantic and pathetically dramatic guy that he is, the chance that he would not choose the most dramatic one he knows or can find would be truly little— nonexistent even.

would fall right at your feet, literally, because he has no shame at all when it comes to that burning attraction he has for you, and would stay on the floor for a long time.

you would have to lower yourself to check if he is even breathing, you would poke his cheek, “are you okay?”

the sight of his breathtaking smile would make your stomach tighten as he would look up to you. he would run his hand in his hair like those guys in romance japanese comics.

“i’m okay,” he would affirm. “just fell in love with you,” then he would wink.

SUNGHOON

would wait until he secured an actual real and true date with you before trying any pick up lines.

on a sunny day, would come pick you up for your date without really telling you where you are going, so you will find yourself following him around without knowing much at all.

“sunghoon,” you would call him gently and he would turn to look at you with a fond look, “where are we going?”

would actually want to respond to you at the moment, but he would be hit with the realization that he can do the smoothest thing ever known to mankind in that exact moment.

“i’d like to take you to the movies but they don’t let you bring your own snacks in,” this insane man would tell you, “so, what about the aquarium?”

SUNOO

would be so sweet about it. with fondness in his eyes, would look at you from the corner of his eyes not so discreetly— gathering the courage to speak up.

would watch you scroll through your phone as you stand beside him, so pretty and so warm, would be unable to take his eyes off of you.

when, maybe by telepathically calling from him, you get off your phone and look at him, his face would welcome your eyes with a soft smile that you would return. shyly, would speak up, “di-did you fall into a pile of sugar?” he would ask.

his shyness and nervousness would mirror the pink in his chubby cheeks when you would give him a confusing look, “because you look super sweet,” and would proceed to get full red in the face immediately.

you would need to tell him that it’s really cute as he hides his face with his hands.

JUNGWON

would stare at you shamelessly for at least ten hot minutes, knowing well that it makes you flustered. his flirting would be so raw and obvious, and he would not even care about it.

now, the pick up line use would be just for the sake of teasing you more, to get a cute reaction out of you. would bite into bait-like questions when you would ask him what is wrong with him.

he would shrug, “i was just wondering if you were tired,” and there would be his butterflies sending smirk. “you know, ‘cause you have been running through my mind all day,”

stopping at one would be too great to be true, would add some more when you blush, “i mean, angels are supposed to be in heaven. how’d you escape?” and would laugh when you would kick his caf.

RIKI

although he is the king of flirting, all of his abilities would vanish in front of you.

would have asked his friends how to properly flirt with the girl he likes and wants to ask out, which would be not helpful in the slightest. so, he would have to ask the internet.

unfortunately for him, his heart would start beating in his ears at the thought of using a pick up line on you alone, but dear god, he would want you so bad that he would be ready to do anything.

even using stupid pick up lines for something as simple as your socials.

would approach you while you are alone, so the situation would be less embarrassing, coughing to get both your attention and his voice out, “c-can i get your instagram?”

when you would look at him, would be with his fist in front of his mouth, blushing and looking away like in teen romance while he shows you his phone. “my parents always told me to follow my dreams.”

ㅤㅤ𓈒ㅤㅤ𓈒 taglist open.

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gas-station-trackphone · 1 year ago

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ftm trans Eddie Munson gets turned into a chew toy for hell bats and rescued in the 11th hour by his friends who don't know he's trans, who have to run some triage first aid and can hardly make sense of the blood and gore that used to be his body as they cut off his shirt and pants to get access to the worst of the wounds, who definitely aren't in their right minds well enough anyway to think of anything other than stopping the bleeding and getting him to a hospital, which they do, and miraculously Eddie finds himself blinking awake in a bright, fluorescent room feeling exactly like he imagines a chew toy for hell bats would feel in the aftermath which is to say: like shit. Even more miraculously, he finds hometown hero Steve Harrington posted up at his bedside with greasy hair (!!! Eddie never thought he'd see the day) and bags under his eyes.

The overwhelming relief on Steve's face when he sees Eddie is awake is touching, the misty eyes and cracking voice when he says god, i thought you were toast, man are downright flattering and, let's face it, giving Eddie all the wrong ideas that he figures he has an I-almost-died pass for at the moment so he rocks with it, let's himself indulge in the fantasy for a moment. Then, gradually, Steve's relief becomes more and more obviously some brand of deeply felt pity (or sympathy, but Eddie's never been good at distinguishing the two), which bursts his bubble enough to call him out.

"I know I look like what comes out the business end of a meat grinder, but I swear I'm good, dude. They definitely have me on the good shit, I hardly feel it. I'll be good as new in no time." Big fat fucking lie, by the way, but he'll say whatever if it gets that wounded puppy look out of Harrington's eyes.

"I...yeah, Eddie, I'm glad." And whatever it is he doesn't want to say, whatever is putting that you poor motherfucker look on his face, he's absolutely the opposite of subtle about it.

Eddie can hear the manifestation of his panic on the heart monitor.

"What? What is it? Is everyone- is Dustin-?" He can't say it, can't even think it, would rather be slowly torn to shreds all over again than know he failed at his one fucking task to keep the kid safe.

"No! I mean, yes, he's fine, they're all fine. Henderson's got a broken ankle and both of Max's arms are broken but the docs say they'll be fine in a few months with physical therapy."

The release of tension in Eddie's body hurts almost as much as the relief soothes him. "Okay then, what the fuck are you not telling me? It's fine, I'm a big boy, Harrington, I can take it."

He sighs, looking sick with it. "Eds...I don't know how to tell you this."

Oh god, what the fuck. Eddie's right back to freaking out because Steve looks inexplicably guilty, pained in the face like he's about to deliver the worst news he could imagine but if everyone's fine then-

"It's your dick, man. It's- it's gone. The bats-"

And Eddie laughs so hard he tears about a dozen stitches, immediately stops laughing, and throws up over the side of the bed and thankfully not all over his freshly reopened wounds as Steve shouts for help.

Eventually, when he's all stitched up again and barely hanging on to his hard earned lesson to not literally bust his gut laughing about the look on Steve's face (he has to force himself not to tell Wayne the specifics of how he ended up back in the OR, because he's absolutely gonna crack up and Eddie will definitely be unable to help himself from laughing with him), he realizes he's going to come out to all his friends in the very near future because holy shit, he has to tell everyone about Steve's utterly devastated expression at the news of Eddie's Ken doll-ification by way of demobat.

#I've been laughing about this in my head for WEEKS #the idea that steve feels so bad eddie got his dick eaten by demobats that he literally can't hide it and tells him immediately kills me #as always please read into the gay subtext here bc yes eddie also tells this story at their wedding many years down the line #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie

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honestlyijustfindhersocharming · 2 months ago

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can we talk niko and edwin? wonderful

we all know that edwin is "not very good with people", but neither is niko. she's a shut in. she outwardly panics when she interacts with crystal before her life is saved, and the moment she processes crystal is in her room she runs somewhere that she isn't. after that people aren't really in niko's room much, until edwin. after their shared trauma of watching people literally die, crystal almost dying, and charles' breakdown throughout the day she manages to get edwin to heavily dress down, give her a compliment, and sit in bed with her while they watch scooby doo together.

and conversely, she lets edwin onto her bed to hang out with her. she opens the letters from her mom beside him and trusts him to pry more than she's willing to give. yes, niko is a trusting person, she opens up to crystal earlier than edwin because of their shared experiences, but edwin doesn't talk about his family to her. he doesn't even ask, she just tells him. and i don't know, i like that trust.

and then, it's not just that edwin accepts affection from niko, he actively seeks it out from her. when interacting with crystal he tends to stand back a little, with niko he leans down a lot to get on her level. when he sees her crouching in lighthouse leapers, he crouches beside her. when niko comes in with crysal after he gets back from hell and she hugs him and he grins. he grins and he grabs her arm and pulls her a little closer. when they sit on the rooftop after he's the one who scoots closer so their shoulders are nearly touching. he's the one that bumps into her shoulder to make her laugh. and again he grins. he's the one who offers his hand to her to comfort her after she laments him leaving.

he's the one who grabs her and can't fucking let go after she dies. who has to be dragged away as he shakes his head in disbelief. who tries to shake her because it can't be real.

all that to say, they love each other so much, and i miss them.

#niko sasaki #edwin paine #edwin payne #dbda analysis #analysis #niko and edwin #dead boy detectives #save dead boy detectives #renew dead boy detectives #dbda #dead boy detective agency

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maeumi-jng · 10 months ago

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if looks could kill

pairing: enhypen x idol!gn!reader

synopsis: jealousy is a disease and he's caught it. or in which enhypen members try not to expose your entire relationship.

warnings: fluff, poor humour, skinship, mentions of falling, a variety of male idols mentioned, talks of insecurity, age-gap between another idol, proof read-ish?

library: enhypen bookshelf

heeseung

he's the oldest... he should manage himself. he's mature... he knows better...

but watching you with nct's jeno... heeseung had lost all sense of knowledge and rationality.

you were mcees with jeno back in 2018 to 2019 for sbs' the show. to say fans loved you together was an understatement. even heeseung had been watching you as a trainee, in awe of you and the chemistry you naturally created with everyone.

everyone and their mother was waiting for the news ,that you and jeno were dating, to break. whether it would be by dispatch or some other shady news report, or slip of the tongue... they were all sure and convinced you two were together.

sadly, you both had ended your mcing period together, only occasionally saying hi to each other at other events where you were both scheduled. but recently, the both of you had been reinstated as special mcees for music bank when the current hosts, lee chaemin and eunchae were attending their unavoidable schedules.

heeseung was happy at first that he could see you more considering the promotions for sweet venom had just started. you had been dating for almost a year but spending time with each other was harder than the both of you thought.

heeseung's happiness, however, soon died down when he stepped into that rather small cubicle. the cameras weren't rolling yet jeno and the stupid eye smile of his was beaming down at you. he literally could feel the fawning of the staff behind the cameras, all whispering to each other about the 'never ending' chemistry between you and jeno.

the entire interview was almost uncomfortable. you and jeno had put on your peppy and jubilant personalities for mcing, enthusiastically introducing and talking to enhypen. heeseung couldn't help but notice every time you said something, his eyes would flicker to jeno instead of you and spot the similar look of admiration he himself often sported.

heeseung could only bare tight-lipped smiles to jeno when he received questions, suppressing all his petty grimaces and curled lips of annoyance. it wasn't until he received jungwon's sharp glare and pointed look that he feigned a wider smile and responded with an unfamiliar chirp to his tone.

although heeseung was scolded heavily by jungwon afterwards, at the end of the day it didn't matter. because he had caused enough of a ruckus that fans had sensed his jealousy and ran along with it, making ships and creating dating rumours for you and him. in the end... it all worked out in his favour.

jongseong

whoever said jay is calm and collected needs to take a step back and do a bit of rethinking. he's not the leader... poor guy is panicking.

it started at the end of the korean festival kbs was hosting for select groups or artists that were popular and upcoming. you and your group were walking around in circles, thanking fans for their support, makings sure they were warm, and bidding goodbye. amongst all the confetti raining down on you, for some reason, one just had to get stuck under your heel, causing enough friction for you to begin your descent into falling. you would've ended up hitting your head if it wasn't for cravity's minhee behind you. the surprised idol had decent reflexes, catching you by your arms with his own hands.

for a moment, everyone in the room was quite shocked. your own members made sure you were okay. while assuring everyone you were fine, you profusely thanked minhee while simultaneously apologising even though it wasn't your fault in anyways... you were just so embarrassed. minhee was dismissive of the entire thing, just glad you were okay and nothing bad happened.

a minor interaction of sorts... but the repercussions were big. it had set netizens ablaze. news articles and gossip sites had been circulating. fans were looking back at old fancams to see your previous interactions, hoping you and minhee were indeed dating.

yeah jay wasn't happy. he didn't think anything of it initially. he was happy you were fine, similar to minhee, and thankful the idol was there to help you. but then he got the ship edits on his for you page. he blinked blankly and then clicked on the comments... oh boy.

they said you looked good with minhee? that you... 'suited' each other. or 'why haven't i thought of these two together before?' what the hell... the poor guy's literally looking at his screen with the most furrowed brows and dumbfounded face as a burning whirl begins to spark within him.

as dangerous as it was, jay would rather have his name circulating in your dating rumours rather than someone else that wasn't him. so he did just that. subtlety, of course.

jay wasn't necessarily the couple matching type of guy. he liked getting you things that were unique to you. but all of sudden, he was bombarding you with matching items... keychains, phone cases, bracelets, necklaces, even your damn socks.

safe to say, he had created a monstrosity that the hybe pr team was going to spend the next few weeks attempting to deny.

jaeyun

this one here... he can't bare it. jake is already so expressive and clingy (in a good way ofc). he feels a lot. therefore, he really really really likes you.

he won't lie. he's searched the both of your names up on twitter or naver far too many times just to see it trending. not to mention his secret tik tok account where he likes all of the ship edits and videos made for you two, even if they are terrible. more than once his pr team have thought of smacking some sense into him but it just seemed like jake was lovesick.

to be honest, the pr team was prepared to confirm news of you two dating. with the rate jake was going, he would've probably exposed it himself.

and the recent sbs gayodaejeon lost him.

you and yeonjun had a special stage together. he was slightly nervous already in the fact that you were performing together because he knew how fans got. but from the moment the performance started and he realised you guys were having a dancing stage... jake was left to become god's strongest soldier. yeah... no.

how on earth was jake supposed to know it was going to have this much skinship? jake loved shawn mendes but after today... he hated him. furthermore, he hated 'senorita' with a passion.

to make matter worse, the fans who were already going to be a bit delusional, were even more delusional. they were all fired up. "dispatch reveal, when?" "i would cry if yeonjun looked at me like that." "can't tell whether i want to be y/n or him..." "their chemistry... shit..."

his members were already worried for jake but their worry was becoming a constant state. all this jealousy was transferring into his work. jake was showing up to work every day, mind somewhere else, pouty and sulky, always reading the comments and influx of ship edits of you and yeonjun that had replaced his... the AUDACITY. not to mention, he was avoiding yeonjun like a plague. oh he's in the cafeteria? oops, bathroom time. backstage and talking to heeseung? well.

best believe the next few days he's stuck to you as if you were attached by the hip. jake's making it more obvious by the second and he couldn't care less. arm strung around your waist, hand in hand, pretending there was an eyelash on your face just to caress it, passing you his blazer at award shows to cover your legs or back.

quickly, any talk of you and yeonjun was gone and (rightly, according to jake), replaced by you and jake. he even made the mistake of going live, where the entire chat was filled with questions about whether you and jake were dating. someone said blink seven times if he was, so he blinked seven times afterwards. another said clap in a circle if he was, so he did.

yeah... a day later, belift and your company released a conjoined statement to confirm it. fans were mostly happy and also laughing at the fact that jake was so obviously jealous of yeonjun, who he now could look in the eye, knowing you were right by his side (not that yeonjun even cared. if anything, he probably found it funny as well).

sunghoon

sunghoon and jealousy... one could say it a good mix rather than a bad mix.

sunghoon was used to getting asked out often. not to brag, but have you seen him? it was a good looking guy. he understood it.

but you.. boy, you were on a whole another level. people were practically lining up for you. numbers on napkins accompanied by food or chocolate, straight up confessions or attempts for your number backstage, or even flowers under the pretence of congratulating you.

bold and brave, sunghoon thought. these people were bold and brave to be doing all of this. but he got it. in a way, he was proud. all these people... and you chose him. he mattered far more than you and only the both of you knew it. he cherished that. the secrecy of your relationship, while not ideal, meant keeping all the things he loved (you) all to himself with no one else intruding.

but all this secrecy didn't stop things from going a tad bit too far.

an actor and idol. park jihoon. the man wasn't a confession type of guy. at least not immediately. instead, he liked to court and flirt. and his choice? you.

you had both acted in a drama together recently. the chemistry between you two... well, it set everyone alive to say the least. even sunghoon was flustered... he couldn't tell if he hated jihoon or he wanted to replace jihoon and do all those scenes with you. both probably.

you were clearly paying your dues... being kind and nice to the actor even though the affection was very much one-sided. but either your kindness was leading him on or he couldn't take a hint because jihoon was not afraid of anything it seemed.

when asked his ideal type behind the scenes? you.

the purposeful double meaning type of comments that bordered more on corny rather than flirty? said.

the chance to hold your arm when you both took home the best couple award? taken.

the couple award struck sunghoon's last nerve. because one could excuse the arm thing as a basic manner moment. but the comment jihoon made. simple and quite common in the acting industry. yet said with every pure intention. "i would really like to work with y/n again." followed by the awes and gushing of fans and fellow actors while you painted a small smile and a soft laugh in response.

what. the. fuck.

are you serious? is he serious?

him and jay are the same. they want to be more obvious but in the least obvious way. instead of taking the matching items route, sunghoon needed to directly deal with jihoon. so every time you had a schedule with jihoon... mcing, award presenting, as nominees, etc, sunghoon pulled something new.

you're talking to jihoon about the wide praise you two were receiving for your work and suddenly, "oh, you left your phone at mine, here you go." sunghoon would put what was his phone into your hand and literally leave. and you're left there standing like ??? and jihoon is also like ???

this time you're sitting with the actor backstage and suddenly a water bottle dangles in front of your face. sunghoon is smiling at you, completely disregarding jihoon. "you like water, right? here." uh, sunghoon, sweetheart... everyone likes water. we kinda need it to live, babes.

by this point, you're now expecting sunghoon. eyes darting every second to get a glimpse of his growing hair and the smell of tamburins' wood salt beach perfume in the air to notify you of his presence. but he doesn't come. you're partly relieved but also sad. you were kinda of enjoying it. well, more like it was growing on you.

psych!

you and every other artist and actor is going around in circles, thanking the fans for coming tonight and what not. sunghoon is going for a strike. it's the evening, the temperature has cooled down and you're stylist has opted for a more summery outfit in this winter weather. you must be freezing is sunghoon's thought (you can't feel the cold considering the heat of a gazillion lights are on you but sure). ever the smooth man, sunghoon slides off of his blazer and puts it onto your shoulders, telling you to keep warm.

you were shocked.

jihoon was shocked.

everyone's shocked.

sure, sunghoon sacrificed a bit of your secrecy considering by the morning clips of the action were swarming every platform and every past fancam was being investigated, but the look on jihoon's face was absolutely worth it. and if he had to do it all over again just to see you smile warmly back at him and thank him, he would do it again in a heart beat.

seonwoo

sunoo is one of those people who wouldn't be that jealous. it's not that he wasn't insecure... he was human first and foremost. but he didn't really care for anyone else when it came to you. he only had eyes for you.

also he thought he was already obvious? like he's the one singing your song when they play through his headphones when the group plays the whisper game. or the first one to critique jake when he messes up the lyrics of your song during a live because he knows them off by heart. or the literal STACK of your albums (exclusive, limited, every version) he had in his dorm and his parents' house. there was literally more albums of your group then enhypen's that his parents had taken the responsibility of.

yet, that doesn't stop kim wooseok. well, not him specifically. the fans. you acted with him in the drama, the night has come. you weren't aware of your seven year age gap until your first meeting with him and he said he was like 27. and sunoo was like o_o. bc wdym your 27? he looked the same age as you... and he was playing an attractive teenager easily... wtf? unfair much???

while the age gap wasn't great, the romance wasn't heavily what your show was about anyways, which could make one feel lighter. despite all of that, sunoo had seen edit after edit after edit about you and wooseok. you and wooseok behind the scenes discussing your characters feelings towards each other, you and wooseok at a press conference bc he was making sure you were able to sit down in the small outfit your stylist gave you, you and wooseok in the water together

you and fucking wooseok.

sunoo was going to lose it. how much more obvious could he be?

how about matching couple items? well, the thing about sunoo is that he already has matching items. why wouldn't he? they were so cute!

sunoo also wasn't the type of person to directly combat it. he wasn't sunghoon.

he was mixture of jake, and well, himself. sunoo quickly got pouty and sulky as well. any time he heard that damn mafia alarm ring from your for you page, with feigned and overwhelming kindness, he gently took the phone from your hands and threw it onto the bed before folding his arms and looking at you blankly.

anytime a member brought up the drama on live and set of the chat to talk about you and wooseok, sunoo would immediately try to change the subject or he'd be a bit catty... "i just didn't know how old he was... he like so old." (fans began to notice how often this happened after bringing it up two or three times, resulting in the constant chatter of you and wooseok just to rile him up).

by end of the last episode, sunoo thought everyone would stop talking about the show. but no... you and the damn plot (which one? up to you) left everyone wanting more... especially of you and... yeah, he can't even say the name anymore.

the only way sunoo is getting over this, is by you comforting him. he isn't going to unnecessarily create rumours or try to leak your relationship. to be honest, the thought of it was terrifying. he hated involving himself in drama.

you end up spending the next few weeks almost sunoo-crazed. "oh sunoo recommended me this product..." forget matching bracelets, you brought him matching pyjamas. "oh, my dog? she's great. she doesn't really like people but she seems like sunoo the most. maybe more than me :("

soon, in a year or two, when the news breaks out of you two dating, this odd period of time will finally make sense.

jungwon

calm and collected? yes. why? he's the leader. said it before, but jungwon has the sole responsibility to be able to adjust to every situation there is.

an injured member? he's got it.

wardrobe malfunction? let's have a word with the stylist.

mic pack falling off mid-stage? man's got the word 'professional' in his dna.

if anyone asked him, truthfully, jungwon admired you. as a fan and as your boyfriend. you were similar to him. the same age, a young leader, good at basically everything... but you had three differences. one that your group might as well have invented the word popularity. second that you debuted earlier than him. lastly that you, yourself, created a new category of idols - super idols or super-dols.

what is a super-dol you ask? an all rounder that performs and executes everything with diligence and quality. they mean everything. not just the whole singing, rap, dancing combo. they mean the inclusion of acting, music production, song writing... etc.

they said that a person like you only comes once in a life time. they struggled to add people to your assigned 'category'.

to think jungwon was dating you was beyond him. how you liked him was equally beyond him. he thought he was just lucky. you thought otherwise. jungwon was everything to you. he understood you, he was always by your side and he was hard working. life was hard. but being with him made you feel like life in itself made sense.

jungwon knew that people wanted you. not romantically but as friends, as a mentor, as an advisor... it made sense for someone of your caliber. so he wasn't surprised when the newly debuted anton of riize was collaborating with you to produce a new song. but what he didn't expect was the genuine interest of the idol. nor did everyone else.

jungwon was backstage at the mbc gayodaejeon, watching your special stage with anton. it was the last day of the year and the last thing he wanted to do was end it on a bad note with something a fickle as jealousy. yet, the green-eyed monster had found him as he watched anton's gaze remain on you, as though he were unable to move, smiling ear to ear while you sang.

he heard one of his staff whisper to another, "they aren't dating right? gosh, they should date! he looks like he really likes her!"

jungwon could feel the cautious gazes of his members on him, trying dismiss such nonsense with frantic comments. "they don't know what they're talking about, jungwon." "ignore them." " he shook his head lightly, taking a deep breath. he needed to remain calm. if he couldn't, who would?

he trusted you with his entire heart. you liked him, there was no doubt in his mind. his heart skipped when he made you flustered with his sweet nothings and attention to detail. and to be frank, he understood anton. if the positions were swapped and he was in anton's place, he thought he would look at you the same way.

minutes after the clock struck twelve, jungwon didn't have to even look for you. you had found him instead, dragging him behind one of the trailers. you brought him into a long kiss, hugging him tightly.

jungwon smiled into this kiss, bringing you closer to him as all of his nonsensical worries melted away. parting almost breathlessly, his heart warmed at your wish of a happy new year. he smiled once again, placing a kiss the side of your head while he grabbed your hand, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. "happy new year, baby."

riki

riki was right on the precipice of youth and adulthood. he was only a year younger than jungwon but everyone always treated him with such fragility. not just because of his young age but the innocence that came with moving to a different country because of his said young age.

but riki was more mature than he looked. he had to be. it wasn't that he was alone. no. his members and friends would never ever make him feel like that. nor would you. but this type of maturity was required of him.

upon seeing p1h's soul or haku's eyes constantly travel back and forth to you as he interviewed your group, riki resolved to maintain stoic and pretend like he didn't care. you were in public, all eyes were on you. did it bug him that the person looking at you was the same age and also japanese? yes. but the nudge of jungwon and the thought of dealing with the staff was enough to make him stand down at the time. to be honest, if haku's whole thing ended after the interview, riki wouldn't of cared.

but it didn't.

riki was observing him throughout your performance (well as much as one could, he was still trying to watch you) and haku kept looking at you. like his eyes were moving with you as if he was only focused on you. but it was fine. riki could handle this... this was life... right?

haku, however, seemed to enjoy taking on every last nerve of riki's (unintentionally ofc, sorry haku 🥹). your group and enhypen were seated together backstage, all chatting and playing card games to waste some time before having to go back out. riki, ever the communication expert, already pointed the boy to you. "can't you just look away every time he looks at you?" he complained.

you raised a brow, placing down a card. "you want me to not meet his eyes in an interview? riki, i didn't peg you as the jealous type," you teased.

riki blankly looked at you. "i'm not," he said defensively, folding his arms. "i'm not jealous. i'm just being... absolutely reasonable."

"sure, sure..." you squinted your eyes, nodding sarcastically. "riki, just forget about it. you were probably hallucinating. he probably was just looking at me normally. honestly, you should rest more like i told you to."

riki wished you were right. that he was indeed hallucinating. but any maturity riki had been working on was already on a thin line and diminished as he saw haku walk up to your large group, greeting everyone but mostly you. heart eyes and all.

in the moment, it dawned on you that riki was in fact right. haku's finger twiddling, the brief pause before he spoke as if he was thinking about what to say only for him to still fumble over his words, the tinged ears... you had done the same thing to riki when he suddenly told you he liked you after being clingy for days on end.

well... shit.

you were quick to act.

no one spoke as much japanese as the yearly comebacks warranted. at least that's what you figured when you greeted him back in japanese, introducing riki to him as another japanese idol he could be friends with and the best part, as your boyfriend.

the corners of riki's mouth couldn't help but twitch up. to say he was belated was an understatement. he dipped his head a little, a wide smile now sprawled all over his face.

the visible disappointment on haku's face made your heart ache slightly. you felt terrible. maybe you should've let him down less... directly. but the obvious happiness riki was radiating off of him made you want to smack some sense into him.

by the end of your schedule, you had hesitantly accepted riki's offer for you to sleep over at the dorm because you had no idea why but regret felt like it was looming over you. and boy was it. the entire way back home, riki teased you the entire time.

"say it again. say that i'm your boyfriend again! why not? too shy? you weren't shy then.. you said it so confidently like..."

the teasing only ended when you ignored him for the rest of the ride and riki realised he had fallen victim to the silent game. he was a fan of silence. but this was not the one he enjoyed.

cutting back on the teasing, riki just relished the fact you were asleep in his arms and not anyone else's. you were with him and that's all that mattered. ♡︎

#maeumi-jng #maeumi jng’s library — enhypen bookshelf ♡︎#enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung x reader #jay x reader #heeseung x reader #jake x reader #sunghoon x reader #sunoo x reader #jungwon x reader #riki nishimura x reader #niki x reader #enhypen reactions #enhypen headcannons

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kissedsuns · 3 months ago

Text

chasing cars.

cw: angst, mentions of logan sargeant being dropped, established rel w/ oscar piastri & more

this wasn't how things were supposed to go—not for you, anyway.

your first win was meant to be sensational, a moment of pure euphoria. the kind where you leap out of your car, proud, standing on top of the cockpit with your fist raised high, showing the world and your team what you'd accomplished. it should've felt like you were on top of the world.

but it didn't. not for you, anyway.

a few nights before, you were cozied up in bed, lazily reaching for your phone on the bedside table. the screen lit up, and you squinted, shielding your eyes from the sudden glare. you opened instagram, expecting to see plenty of media about the upcoming race in monza—a track you'd been looking forward to racing at for awhile.

it was also a track your close friend, logan, was excited about. you and he practically grew up together, alongside oscar, who you shared an even closer bond with—so close that you found yourself sleeping in one of his baggy tees.

but that morning, your feed showed something you weren't exactly expected: an image on formula 1's instagram page, boldly announcing that logan sargeant would be dropped from williams midway through the season.

your jaw literally dropped as you stared at the post—a sad picture of logan at the center, remaining on your screen for what felt like an eternity.

you didn't know what to do. should you message him? call him? but then you wondered, why hadn't he called you?

logan told you everything, no matter how gross or disturbing. so why not this?

taking a deep breath, you decided to message him, sending a simple greeting before jumping straight into it, asking if he was okay and what was going on.

to which you received no response.

you felt sick to your stomach for the rest of the morning. and when you finally arrived at the paddock in monza later that week, it became increasingly harder to shake the discomfort.

logan hadn't spoken to you in days, and though it hurt, you understood. why would he want to talk to anyone after what happened?

he'd been axed halfway through the season, his dreams of becoming a successful formula 1 driver were pretty much over. meanwhile, here you were, thriving in a team that adored you.

mercedes was a great environment, and the support from your teammate, george russell, only made it better. but that heavy, guilty feeling gnawed at you. you felt so guilty you were almost choking on it.

as you navigated through the crowd of journalists, eager to get something out of you, you were determined to give them nothing. you had nothing to give, anyway.

you felt far too alone in the paddock, and despite george's reassuring pat on your shoulder when you arrived at the team hub, it wasn't enough.

you couldn't focus during the drivers' briefing or even pay attention to what toto was explaining to you and george—something about strategies, but you didn't hear a word.

despite achieving strong results in practice and securing p2 in qualifying, race day—a day you'd usually be excited for—was now something you just wanted to get through as quickly as possible.

a few comments were made when you arrived that day. your forced smile made it obvious that you weren't taking the news quite well.

it wasn't as if logan had died or couldn't visit the paddock to support you as a friend. but it had just become a habit to have him around.

the driver's parade usually had the two of you laughing at some of the fans in the crowd or chatting about what you did over the week. oscar, usually with lando on the other side of the truck, would eventually join you both, which you loved.

after the race, you'd often drag logan over to parc fermé, giving him a big hug and congratulating him on his effort, even if he wasn't thrilled with his performance. you'd always try to bring a smile to his face, seeing those eyes that once sparkled with pride.

but that sparkle was gone now.

as you reluctantly climbed onto the driver's truck, you stood with your back to the railing, leaning against it as you found yourself staring blankly into the crowds.

no chatter, no smiles—nothing. and everyone noticed.

a few drivers glanced your way with concern written all over their faces, which only made oscar rush over to you. "it's really hard seeing you like this," he began.

"i don't know what you're on about." you tried to brush him off.

"i know you," he said, doing something that managed to bring a tiny bit of comfort. "you don't have to pretend like you're holding up okay, because i know you're not."

oscar's words should've been enough to make you feel less isolated. that undeniable charm of his could usually turn your frown upside down. but with your best friend of seven years stripped from formula 1 and the potential of racing alongside him again gone, you couldn't find it in you to smile.

you avoided conversation for the rest of the day, your mind fixated on just getting through it so you could check your phone—hoping, maybe, logan had messaged you back. maybe even wished you good luck for the race.

settling into the seat of your car, helmet snug on your head, you waited for the race to start.

as the track cleared and the lights went out, your mind drifted back to the one thing that wouldn't leave your thoughts no matter how hard you tried to shove it away.

logan sargeant. best friend. dedicated racer. boy with a dream. hilarious. american. embarrassed. struggling. logan sargeant.

you slammed your foot on the pedal, pushing your car to its limits. the engine roared, tires screeched, and the sound of the crowd erupting in cheers as you passed max verstappen filled your ears.

but you didn't smile. you didn't even grin. you sobbed.

you sobbed because there was a boy back home in america who would never get to hear those cheers for him.

a tear slid down your cheek as you flew down the track, just wanting to see that checkered flag wave so you could go home. go home and bury your face in your pillow and cry even harder.

and that was it. the finale.

your race engineer nearly deafened you with his shouts about your win—your second career victory. but you didn't care.

"thanks, guys. great job. uh, the car was awesome! thanks so much. thanks," you tried to sound convincing as you waved to the fans in the grandstands.

at the parc fermé, where you would usually share a moment with logan, you stood alone, holding your helmet as your eyes scanned the area as if expecting to see your friend.

lando smiled and patted your back, while max gave you a firm handshake. it felt good, and you were proud of how much effort the team put in to ensure that this would happen, but in truth, you didn't care much for the trophy that awaited you.

oscar eventually came up to you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist in a hug. he congratulated you, planting a kiss on your cheek that brought a faint smile to your lips.

you could tell that, despite oscar's calm attitude, he felt terrible for logan too. he was just better at hiding it. his tight-lipped smile and sad eyes slightly gave it away, unfortunately.

your team pulled you into a tight hug, some toppling over others as they fought to congratulate you.

this wasn't how you were supposed to feel after winning your second race in your formula 1 career. this was supposed to be special. you should've been hugging oscar and giving logan a huge cheer.

when the post-race interviews commenced, you stood by your stand, a blank expression on your face as you stared at the floor, utterly bored.

you gave short answers to the reporter, hoping he'd hurry up and let you go. the way he grimaced at your tone and choice of words showed he knew you weren't feeling it, and he eventually took the hint.

you felt bad for letting your miserable attitude affect others. the drivers' room was no different, with lando and max talking about the race and making funny noises at the screen if there was a collision.

you sat there, staring at the first-place cap in your hands. bored. you were bored.

max and lando exchanged a look before glancing at you with softened expressions. they didn't know logan well; hardly anyone on the grid did. they couldn't understand the disappointment you felt knowing you would never be able to celebrate with your best mate ever again.

finally, the podium celebration—a time to get drenched in champagne and hear your national anthem play as you proudly stand on the top step with a wide smile, watching your team gaze up at you with admiration.

but when it was time to step on that podium, the crowd cheered, the anthem played, and you smiled. but there was no logan sargeant in the crowd, beaming up at you with his own fist raised, as if to say, "i'll be up there with you soon. just wait."

the champagne was popped, and before you could process it, lando tipped the rest of his bottle onto your head.

you cringed at the cold liquid streaming down your neck and seeping into your race suit. the taste of victory should've been sweet. it should've felt amazing.

but without your best friend, could it ever feel that way?

as you left the paddock, oscar's fingers intertwined with yours, trophy in the other hand, you pulled out your phone.

your breath hitched as you saw the notification—logan sargeant.

without a second thought, you opened the message.

the screen revealed just six words, and they were enough to shatter you entirely.

"i knew you could do it."

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