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insipid-drivel · 2 years

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Southern Colloquialisms To Enrage ESL Bloggers:

I see a few posts asking international and other tumblr bloggers to supply the literal English translations to common colloquial phrases for the sake of the sheer silliness, strangeness, and outright lunacy of what happens when you take a colloquialism and take it literally (Factoid: linguists refer to this process as “Pidgin”)

But what about Southern colloquialisms from the United States that don’t even make sense in their native language? Hello! My great-great grandmother was born in a ditch outside of a mud house with mud floors in the Dust Bowl in the United States and I didn’t know I had a Southern accent until my friends in the Pacific Northwest pointed it out!

I have relatives from all along the Bible Belt, aka the “Old South” that, you know... Yeah. A few of my cousins are awesome people and we trade notes over ridiculous phrases our relatives and elders used that we never understood, but accepted on a spiritual level. Here are some I grew up with:

“Got myself a short cold.” - “I have seasonal allergies and just mowed the lawn.”

“Oh, crap and molasses!” - “I forgot something at home and we’re already almost to our destination and I don’t want to swear in front of polite company and small children.”

“Eating high on the hog tonight!” - “We’re not eating scrap cuts and offal for dinner because steaks were 2-for-1 today.”

“Hoecake” - A form of pancake or “Johnny Cake” made from corn meal instead of flour. They’re delicious.

“Catawampus” or “Cattywampus” - “I’m gonna have to wash that off the ceiling but at least it worked. It’s messy.”

“Piddling” and “Piddly” - Any worthless or time-wasting endeavor or result that helps no one. “This paycheck is plum piddly, hoss. Quit piddlin’ ‘round and gimme that re-GI-nal manager’s job y’all know I’m qualified for.”

“Hoss” - “Boss” that you also think could probably beat the crap out of you behind an alley for catching you cheating at pool.

“That boy’s bigger’n a brick shithouse.” - “Your physique and muscular stature is intimidating to the degree that I am complimenting you by comparing you to a solid structure everyone would regret trying to knock down.”

“Crazier’n a shithouse rat.” - “Dude, please talk to a psychiatrist.”

“Doohickey” - Any object or concept you can’t remember the name of but need urgently. Often accompanied by aggressive hand waving in the approximate direction of said object without actually looking at it.

“Y’all better hush up back there!” - Your grandmother’s polite way of warning you she’s going to take a flyswatter to your ass if you don’t shut the fuck up in Church.

“Y’all’d’ve” - A real contraction I can’t even stop myself from using meaning “You all should/would have” and am leaving here just for the English majors out there.

“Dude” - A completely urbanized individual who has no idea how to live or function in a rural or wild setting without technology and utilities and can’t ride a horse or milk a cow.

“Proudboy” - Oh yes, it was already a thing. In Southern slang, a “Proudboy” is a neutered male horse that still acts like he’s a badass stallion the mares will want to mate with. “Poor proudboy ain’t noticed yet, bless his heart.”

“Bless his/hers/your heart.” - “Because the Good Lord sure didn’t bless your head.” It’s also used as a heartfelt form of “Thank you” when someone goes out of their way to offer you a kind and thoughtful gesture. Context is important.

“Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.” - “You are no longer welcome in this space and if you don’t leave now I’m literally going to slam the door on your ass.”

“Living in high cotton” - “I have achieved fiscal success and am using a colloquial term to refer to it without considering the fact that the term originated out of slave plantations.”

“If the creek don’t rise.” - Basically “Knock on wood.” A term meaning, “I’ve prepared for everything but what I can’t prepare for or anticipate and will achieve my goal so long as it is within my power to do it.” Bonus points if you pronounce “creek” as “crick”.

“Fixin’ to” - Another polite way of indicating you’re about to aggressively undertake a task. “I’m fixin’ to whip ya ass, son.” This is not to be confused with “Fixin’s” singular, which refers to the ingredients or catalysts required to cook or complete something that requires assembly.

“Doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.” - A hill of beans is a Southern unit of measurement for anything that remains worthless regardless of how much of it you have, much like NFTs. “Your anti-TERF ‘sources’ don’t amount to a hill of beans, proudboy.”

“(Way) Over yonder” - “It’s over there, and the number of times I repeat the word ‘way’ prior to ‘over’ is indicative of how much yonder is between you and there. Sorry, what’s a yonder? You just asked me to show you! It’s way, way over there! Bless your heart...”

“Madder than a wet hen.” - “Oops, you have reached ‘yikes’ level of pissed off. Better skedaddle!”

“Skedaddle” - “RUN AWAY FAST NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“It’s blowin’ up a storm.” - The sensory indicators of an oncoming heavy storm or hurricane that presents with the smell of ozone, high humidity, and an abrupt drop in temperature. Yes, it’s a thing; I can also smell when a storm’s gathering and it is a distinct set of very subtle odors.

“Pretty as a peach.” - “That individual whose pronouns are irrelevant but is most commonly a woman or proud of rocking a femme aesthetic is exceptionally beautiful and I admire them.”

“Busy as a cat on a hot tin roof.” - “We’re overburdened and understaffed to the point that I am numb to all forms of communication that don’t involve someone being on fire.”

“Aren’t you precious.” - Not a question unless it begins with “Well,”. Depending on tone, it either is a high compliment toward someone’s appearance or behavior being exceptional, or as a sarcastic response to when someone says something insulting to you. “Awww, you’re so sweet, baby sister!” vs. “That insult was just adorable.”

“Yes Sir/Ma’am/Mx” - Also applies to “No”. Answering a question with “Sir”, “Ma’am”, or “Mx” to someone that is your age or older is just considered universally respectful in polite conversation. If a Southern person suddenly stops answering your questions with your preferred pronouns or never does at all, it probably means they have 0 respect for you. When the small niceties disappear, you’ve fucked up.

“Frunchard” - “Front yard”, the opposite of the back yard.

“Quit being ugly.” - “Stop being an asshole.”

“He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.” - “You’re so stupidly full of yourself you’d probably honestly believe the sun rises and sets just for you.”

“That dog won’t hunt.” - “I know you believe it’s a good idea, but uh... it’s not.” Also used in place of replying to a person’s excuse you know is 100% bullshit.

“Well, I declare...” - “I am about to obliquely reveal broad adjectives reflective of my emotional state or opinion about this state of affairs and you should probably prepare yourself for more nonsensical colloquialisms.”

“My eyeballs are floating.” - “I need to pee so badly it isn’t going to be an option very, very soon.”

“Can’t never could.” - “Can’t never could do nothing!” That’s... that’s literally it. I can’t elaborate any more than saying it’s a term indicating you’re feeling optimistic.

“Give him two nickels for a dime and he’ll think he’s rich.” - “This person’s stupidity is physically painful to experience.”

“That makes me wanna slap my mama!” - “I am so impressed/pleased with that experience that we’ve circled around to domestic violence somehow.”

“You could start an argument in an empty house.” - “Go to anger management classes.”

“Ain’t got the good sense God gave a rock.” - “I cannot fathom this level of lack of common sense and forethought and require divine intervention immediately.”

“Slicker than pig snot on a radiator.” - “That person is the Webster’s definition of a scumbag.”

“About as useless as a screen door on a submarine.” - I think that one is pretty self-explanatory.

“There’s not a pot too crooked that a lid won’t fix.” - “There’s someone out there for everyone. Don’t give up on finding love and companionship just because you’re different.”

#southern slang

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kpopfanfictrash · 4 years

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s is for sexy

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jungkook

Word Count: 1,532

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An accompanying drabble to The Art of War More. This drabble takes place after the events of both TAOM and L is for Lunacy. Jungkook is included in People magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive issue, but you can’t find a copy anywhere.

[ PART OF MY JUNGKOOK BIRTHDAY DRABBLE GAME ]

“We’ve made a terrible mistake,” you complained, sinking down on a park bench to rest your chin in one hand.

Coming to a stop, Gina craned her neck to peer over her shoulder. “I agree,” she said. “We should’ve stopped and gotten donuts at that shop I pointed out.”

“Gina.” You looked up. “Read the room, alright?”

“Right, sorry.”

She grinned, plopping down on the park bench beside you. Adjusting her green and white striped shorts, Gina lifted a hand to scan the horizon. A few children played on the slide at the playground, their innocent cackles drifting over the hedges.

Utterly exhausted, you sighed. “We should give up.”

“No!” Gina turned to face you, appalled. “We’re not stopping until we’ve combed every newsstand in the city. Until we’ve harassed every bodega owner! Until our names are plastered under persona non grata in every library!”

Normally, Gina’s speeches were enough for you to crack a smile, but not today. Today was the day Jungkook’s big magazine article was released and you had woefully dropped the ball. To be fair, Seokjin had suggested you order the volume ahead of time, since the People’s Sexiest Men issue tended to sell out, but you completely forgot.

Jungkook had stayed on campus through Senior year, but then had immediately entered the NHL. This was his second full season with the team and already, he was garnering national attention. Much of this was due to a viral clip of your boyfriend removing his jersey at the end of game five of the western conference finals, but said clip wouldn’t have gone viral if Jungkook had been on the bench.

The fact that he got playing time in his first season was remarkable – let alone that he was playing in the semis and was now considered the league’s It boy. Already there were rumors of him being nominated for end of year awards. Jungkook was excited about those, of course, but you and your friends were more excited for this. People’s Sexiest Men Alive.

He wasn’t the cover, of course – that was reserved for A list celebrities – but it seemed Jungkook’s abs had been enough to land him a mention. You’d planned on wallpapering the apartment door with the photo before he got home tomorrow, but that wouldn’t happen if you couldn’t get your hands on a copy.

Unfortunately for you, the issue seemed to be sold out.

Sighing again, you folded your arms over your chest. “Has Seokjin said anything to you?” you asked Gina. “Was he able to find one?”

“How should I know?” she said, somewhat defensive. “It’s not like I know everything Seokjin does or says.”

You stared at her for a moment, unsure how to respond. “Uh – I know?”

“Right.” Gina swallowed, somewhat mollified. “Why don’t we call him?”

Shaking your head at her weirdness, you pulled your phone from your pocket. Honestly, Gina and Seokjin had been acting mad weird lately. They acted all cagey and awkward whenever you asked one about the other. If you didn’t know better, you’d almost think they were fighting.

Dialing Seokjin’s number, you leaned back on the bench and listened to his ringback tone. Kim Seokjin was one of the only people you knew – well, him and your aunt – who still had that feature, and Seokjin hadn’t bothered to update his since 2011. It was still Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

HEY, I JUST MET YOU! AND THIS IS CRAZ –

“Hello?”

“Seokjin,” you groaned. “When are you going to change that dumb ringback tone?”

“Whenever Carly Rae goes out of style, so never.”

Gina, having overheard, cracked up beside you.

“Anyways,” you said, switching to your other ear. “Any luck on the search?”

“Sorry, but nope. Seems your boyfriend is more in demand than that one donut shop Gina always wants to go to.”

“That, or it’s the fact that Michael B. Jordan’s on the cover.”

“Yeah, probably that.”

“Alright,” you sighed, picking a thread on your jeans. “Thanks for trying, Seokjin.”

“Anytime,” he said and hung up.

As you shoved your phone in your purse, Gina looked at you warily. “No luck?”

“Nope.”

“Hm.” Gina leaned back on the bench. “Maybe we should switch gears here, get creative. We could cut out semi-nude photos of Jungkook and stick them to the pages of last year’s edition!”

“Where would I get last year’s issue, though?”

“Good point.” Gina thought. “You could just stick semi-nude photos of Jungkook to your front door?”

“Gina,” you laughed, shoving her shoulder. “Stop stripping my boyfriend!”

“There it is!” Gina beamed. “I knew I could get you to laugh.”

Shaking your head, your smile faded a little. Gina was right though, this was silly. It would’ve been fun for Jungkook to come home from his away game to this, but it was hardly the end of the world. You would just order a copy online and wait.

Heaving a great sigh, you stood from the bench. “Okay,” you said, turning to Gina. “Let’s head out.”

Gina convinced you to go to the donut shop at least, so you didn’t arrive home empty-handed. That was the reason she gave you at least, although you knew it had more to do with her recently launched donut Instagram.

The box was precariously perched on your hip as you shoved open the door, placing the keys on the hook to kick the door shut. As you turned to walk inside, you started – nearly dropping the entire box of donuts on the floor.

“Jungkook?” you gasped.

Chucking the box on the counter, you dashed across the room.

Jungkook laughed when you reached him, immediately jumping to wrap your legs around his waist. He caught you easily, warm hands on your waist as you buried your face in his chest. Somewhat awkwardly, he walked you towards the kitchen.

“You’re back!” you blurted, pulling back to see him.

Jungkook grinned, rosy-cheeked from your touch. “I’m back,” he agreed, depositing you on the kitchen counter. “Miss me?”

“How?” you demanded, poking his chest. “How’d you get home so fast?”

“I feel so welcome,” Jungkook teased. At the look on your face, he grinned. “Coach cancelled tomorrow’s practice, so I caught a flight back today.”

“Yay,” you said happily, leaning to rest your head on his chest.

The steady thrum of his heartbeat reassured you and for a moment, you allowed yourself to enjoy this. Jungkook smelled as he always did, like light floral and cotton, and the weight of his hands on your thighs made your heart calm.

His thumbs played with the thread on your jeans, which sent your mind to other places – places involving your bed, his ass and zero clothes – but for now, you were content with this.

“What’s in the box?” he murmured into your hair.

“Oh, right,” you said and pulled back. Twisting around, you dragged the donut box towards you and popped the top. “Some might be a bit squished since I threw them. Gina and I went to the new donut place on Lakeview.”

Jungkook’s eyes went super-wide. He immediately bent to grab the closest donut, powdered sugar getting everywhere when he bit into the side.

“Yum.” Jungkook’s eyes rolled exaggeratedly back in his head. “Wow, this is the best welcome home I’ve ever gotten. There’s you, of course, but also – donuts.”

“Obviously,” you said. “There was actually supposed to be another surprise, but I kind of messed it up.”

Jungkook licked powdered sugar off his wrist. “Messed something up? You? Don’t buy it.”

“Suck up,” you teased. “But no, really. I wanted to get your People’s Sexiest Men edition! I was going to plaster it across the front door and embarrass you.”

Jungkook grimaced. “As fun as that sounds, the donuts are better.”

“What? You aren’t proud of how sexy you are?”

“I don’t care about that.” Jungkook swallowed the last of the donut. “As long as you find me sexy.”

Tipping your head back, you groaned. “Okay, now you’re seriously sucking up.”

“Mm.” Placing his hands on either side of your thighs, Jungkook’s nose grazed your jawline. “Anything else you want me to suck?”

“Jungkook!”

Drawing back, his gaze glinted darkly. “Besides, why do you need that photo of me with my shirt off?”

You frowned, perturbed and he reached one hand overhead. Still looking at you, Jungkook did that stupid-hot thing guys do where they remove their shirt with one hand. When his six pack abs were revealed, they left you a bit speechless.

Flexing a little, Jungkook grinned. “You have the real thing.”

“Shut up,” you groaned, shoving his pec. Oh – hard. Sliding down from the counter, you began walking towards the bedroom. “But since you offered…”

Jungkook waggled his brows. “I did.”

“Get in there, sexiest man alive,” you laughed. “Show me what you got.”

“Alright.” Jungkook caught himself on the doorframe with both hands. “But before we go any further, I feel compelled to clarify I’m not People’s sexiest man, just one of them. Michael B. Jordan is the sexiest man alive.”

“Jungkook!” You pointed through the door. “Bed!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a salute.

You stared after him, grinning stupidly before following.

kpopfanfictrash, 2020. Do not copy or repost without permission.

#jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook drabble #bts drabble

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bush-viper-cutie · 4 years

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“Uncovered and Secured” || YEAR 3 – Ch.38 (HP au)

Chapter List

<-- Last Chapter Next Chapter -->

Day posted: 1/9/2021

Word count: 3, 411

Relationship: EVENTUAL severus X oc (slow burn)

Rating: E for everyone

Warnings: none

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A/N: This is my first fan fic I’m writing mainly as a way to practice. This is a retelling of the hp books with an inserted character. Although most every character will be written about, this is mostly for the pro snape fandom. Please do not fear, although this is a severus x oc story, it is an incredibly slow burn as I do not intend for them to get together at all until after the final book events. Chapters will be posted twice a week.

This derivative work follows the events of the Harry Potter books by Jk Rowling and is intended as a fun way to practice my writing. Thank you for reading :D

Happy Birthday Severus Snape!

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~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

Heather wiped her mouth with her sleeve and turned back around.

Harry pulled her aside, frowning. “Heather are you ok?”

Heather looked over Harry’s shoulder at Black, Lupin, and Crookshanks – who was hissing, spitting, and snarling with claws out and ready – surrounding the cowering man. Professor Trelawney’s words were spinning around in her head like a twirling tornado. Sirius Black was a convicted murderer, CONVICTED. Even Fudge went to see him. Surely… Surely he must have been given a chance to explain. Someone must have looked into his involvement. Dumbledore must have known somehow… ANYTHING. But Peter... Lupin was convinced Sirius Black was innocent. If Peter really was the one who betrayed their parents, then it would be Peter who would be returning to Voldemort tonight.

She looked at Harry again and shook her head.

Lupin took his wand back and Sirius Black picked up Snape’s. Both men held them out, pinning Peter in place.

“Hello, Peter,” Lupin greeted him pleasantly, as if they had both bumped into each other on the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley. “Haven’t seen you in some time.”

Peter was still crouching, trembling slightly, trying to make himself shorter than he already seemed. He had his hands out close to his chest like Scabbers had often done when he sat on his hind legs. He had a bald spot in the middle of his matted blonde hair that grew out in tufts that stopped at his sideburns. His eyes were beady and looked around at Lupin, Black, and Harry and Heather.

“S-Sirius… R-Remus…” Peter squeaked. “M-my old friends… M-my friends… I’ve missed you so!” He gave a small smile that wrinkled his eyes.

Black raised his wand arm, ready to unleash a flurry of spells but Lupin’s free arm extended out, stopping him from reacting to the small man’s words.

“How nice it is to have you join our little chat,” Lupin’s voice remained soft and casual. “See, we’ve been talking about the night Lily and James died.”

Peter’s smile dropped. He licked his dry, cracked lips and turned his hands palm up, though he still kept them tucked close to his body. “Remus… Y-you don’t believe him do you? He tried to kill me… murder me… Remus…!”

Lupin fixed his jaw, setting it tight at the sound of his name. “Yes. I’ve heard.”

Peter stuck out his middle finger and pointed it at Black – his hand had only four finger, with the knuckle of his index finger ending in a clean scar where a finger should have been. “He’s come to kill me!” The unnatural squeak of his voice turned raspy. “He killed Lily and James and now he’s come to murder me too… Remus… You’ve got to help me…”

Sirius Black was baring his teeth and looked at him with even more hatred than he’d looked at Snape. His eyelids pulled back so far his red-rimmed eyes bulged and his face looked more skull-like than ever.

“No one’s going to die tonight until we’ve sorted some things out… Peter,” Lupin lightened his cold voice, “Let’s clear up one or two little matters about that night, shall we?”

“What matters?” Peter squeaked. He looked around the room wildly and pointed at Black again. “He’ll kill us all with his Dark powers! He broke out of Azkaban when no one’s ever done it before, imagine what he’ll do to us all! Who knows what more of the Dark Arts He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has taught him! H-horrible things I’m sure… Horrible Dark tricks…!”

Heather felt the room spinning as fast as the tornado in her mind. “Harry,” she hissed. He turned to look at her and she knew she had to tell him. “A prophecy… Professor Trelawny she – ”

Black barked out a laugh, dropping his wand arm to hold his stomach. It struck the air horribly sending a chill down everyone’s spines. “Taught tricks? From Voldemort?”

Peter flinched, as if he’d been struck in the face.

Black sobered immediately, focusing his gaze on Peter. “What? Afraid to hear your old master’s name?” Black slowly smiled again, grinning at how horribly Peter was shaking. “Of course you must also be afraid of all your old palls, too, aren’t you? I hear they aren’t very happy with you… Not happy at all. I hear…” Black stepped forward menacingly, grin slowly shrinking. “They think the double-crosser double-crossed them. I hear…” He stepped closer once more. “They all think you’re dead, or you’d have to answer to them. I hear they all know Voldemort went to the Potter’s on your information… and met his downfall there. And that’s just what I hear from Azkaban… I hear… Not all his supporters ended up in there though. Did they? There are plenty still out there, biding their time, pretending they’ve seen the error of their ways… If they got wind that you were still alive… for twelve years alive and hiding from them, Peter – ”

“D-d-don’t know what – ” Peter swallowed. “What you’re talking about…” He wiped his face on his sleeve like a twitch and looked around again, his little eyes searching. He turned to Lupin again. “Remus! You can’t believe this – madness!”

“What innocent man spends twelve years as a rat, Peter?” Lupin shook his head. “It’s a little hard to understand.”

“Innocent! Yes! But also scared! If-f Voldemort’s supporters were after me then it is because I put their best man in Azkaban! The spy – Sirius Black!”

“Me? A spy?” Black growled. “When have I ever been the one to sneak around people stronger and more powerful than myself? You, Peter – Why I didn’t see you were the spy from the start. After all! You always liked big friends who’d look after you, didn’t you? It used to be us… Remus, me… and James… But there were bigger friends out there. Weren’t there?”

Peter was panting, looking around wildly again. “Me? A spy… madness… you must be out of your mind… I’d never… don’t know how you could say – ”

“I convinced James and Lily to make you Secret-Keeper,” Black hissed, forcing a panicked jump out of Peter. “I thought it’d be the perfect plan… a bluff… Who’d ever use a weak talentless thing like you as their Secret-Keeper? I was sure Voldemort would come after me… I was prepared. Ready… Waiting to give up my life while little Peter hid, keeping our friends safe… I can’t imagine how grand you must have felt, telling Voldemort you could hand over the Potters – Must have been the finest moment of your miserable life!”

“Most farfetched… Absurd – ” Peter’s eyes were darting from the floor to the ceiling, the boarded up windows, to the closed door behind Lupin and Black. “Lunacy…”

Heather settled her eyes on Peter Pettigrew, ignoring the panging feeling that everything would go horribly wrong like it always did. He was looking for escape, but was it for fear of Sirius Black, or was he planning to run in search of his most powerful ‘friend’, Voldemort?

Hermione stepped forward again, swallowing thickly at the sight of the distraught man in front of her. “If… If I may ask – Why had he never tried to hurt Harry, if he was working for Voldemort? Scabbers – I mean – this man – he’s been sleeping in the boy’s dormitory for three years.”

Peter perked up at once and pointed at Hermione with a smile. “See, Remus! I would never want to hurt a single hair on Harry’s head! Why should I…? He – ” He pointed at Sirius Black again. “He injured Ron! Bit his leg and he would have hurt Harry if he had to! I kept them safe, running away when I did!”

“Easy answer,” Black snapped, ignoring Peter. “Why? Because this useless thing never does anything if he can’t see what’s in it for himself! Voldemort’s been in hiding for twelve years. He wasn’t about to commit murder right under Dumbledore’s nose – not for a half-dead wizard who’d lost all his power. That’s why you found a wizard family to take you in. To keep an ear out for news. Just in case your old protector came back and it was safe to rejoin him.”

Peter was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water trying to breathe.

“But – so then – How DID you get out of Azkaban if you didn’t use Dark Magic?” Hermione asked.

“The dog. You turned into a dog, didn’t you?” Heather looked at Black who nodded. “They didn’t know you were an animagus when they locked you in.”

“That’s only part of it, I suppose.” Black shrugged. “I’m not too sure if that’s the reason – though that’s my guess as well… I kept sane as best I could, knowing I was innocent helped. And knowing I was innocent wasn’t a happy thought at all, so the dementors couldn’t suck that out of me. I repeated it to myself… over and over… It helped me keep my powers – weak as they became – until the day came when I transformed myself…” He looked at one of the windows, as if he could see out beyond it. “Dementors can’t see, you know… They let people’s emotions guide them… I think they could tell my emotions were less… human.” He swallowed. “I was obsessed, first with my innocence… then when I saw that picture – I knew where he was, in Hogwarts with Harry and Heather. Perfectly positioned to deliver the last two Potters should he hear word that his side was gathering strength again… Who’d dare say he betrayed Voldemort after that? He’d be welcomed back with honors... Knowing that, I became even more obsessed, and that cleared my mind… When the time came, I transformed. I slipped past them when they opened my cell to bring me my food… It’s hard for them to sense animal emotion… not impossible… but much harder. Then I swam as a dog back to the main land and journeyed north.”

“You were at the match that day…” Heather realized Harry had told her the truth about seeing the Grim, not just in the clouds.

Sirius Black looked at them, his sunken eyes much softer. He faced them fully and nodded. “Yes… Harry you fly as well as your father… I’m sad I could not watch any more matches. I did not want to bring any more dementors into your games.” He looked deeply into both Harry and Heather’s eyes, as if baring his soul to them. “Believe me… Please. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them.”

Heather swallowed. Suddenly, the man she had feared all year didn’t look anything like the man he was. Although he had the clothes of a prisoner and a wild dangerous look about him despite being skin and bones… Heather could see the genuine sadness of a man who’d lost someone he treasured. It was a pained longing… the same look she saw in Harry sometimes, deep into the night on hard summer days.

Harry looked at her and nodded. If anyone could recognize the hurt of losing James and Lily, their parents… it would be him. She nodded back.

“NO!” Peter fell to his knees and scuttled closer to Professor Lupin, his hands held up over his bent-down head as if in prayer. “Remus! You can’t – ”

Sirius kicked him onto his side and growled.

“S-Sirius! It’s me… It’s Peter… Your childhood friend… you wouldn’t…” He reached out to grab for Sirius. “You couldn’t possibly hurt – ”

Sirius stepped back. “I don’t need more filth on me.”

Still coiled in on himself Peter looked up imploringly at Professor Lupin. “Wouldn’t Sirius have told you they’d changed the plan…! Wouldn’t you have found out?”

Professor Lupin gave a quick tisk. “Not if he thought I was the spy… I assume that’s why I wasn’t told?” he asked Sirius casually.

Sirius gave an embarrassed smile. “Forgive me, Remus.”

“Not at all, Padfoot, old friend.” He began rolling up his sleeves. “And in turn, will you forgive me for believing you were the spy?”

“Of course, Moony.” He too began rolling up his sleeves and gestured to the sad heap of a man still coiled on the floor. “Shall we kill him together?”

Professor Lupin gave a nod. “Yes, I think so.”

Peter gasped and shuffled to his feet, still crouching down to half his height. “You won’t…! You can’t…!” He turned quickly and for the first time since he’d turned back, faced Ron and Hermione. He dove for Ron, holding up his hands again pleadingly. “Ron! I’ve been a good friend… a good pet to you!”

Ron looked more disgusted than when he’d drank the tea that Fred and George had melted all the bad flavors of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans they’d collected over the last five years.

Seeing the look on Ron’s face he turned to Hermione and shuffled on his knees to her. “Clever girl… You don’t believe them… how could you! Help me… Help – ”

Hermione backed away, drawing closer to Ron.

Peter turned slowly to Heather and Harry, his hands coming up to hid his face. “H-Harry… Heather… You’re parents wouldn’t – ”

Sirius seized Peter by the collar of his tattered robes. “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO THEM! HOW DARE YOU FACE THEM! HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT THEIR PARENTS IN FRONT OF THEM! AFTER WHAT YOU DID?”

Peter’s head fell limp on his shoulder and he looked at them despite Sirius’ face being inches from his own. “They wouldn’t have wanted me killed… James would have understood… he would have had mercy…”

Sirius threw him back onto the floor with disgust. “Do you deny selling James and Lily to Voldemort? DO YOU DENY IT?”

Peter’s face contorted and he began bawling. Great heaping tears rolled down his cheeks as he gasped and drew them away with the backs of his trembling hands. “S-Sirius! What could I have done! The Dark Lord… You have no idea…! He has weapons you can’t imagine…! I was so scared, Sirius… I was never brave like you and James and Remus! I never meant it to happen… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me to – ”

“YOU FRIGHTFUL LITTLE RAT!” Sirius bellowed. “YOU’D BEEN HIS SPY FOR NEARLY A YEAR! GIVING HIM INFORMATION FOR NEARLY A YEAR BEFORE JAMES AND LILY DIED!”

Peter shook his head and sobbed like whining child. “Because he was taking over everywhere! W-what would have been gained by refusing him?”

“Only INNOCENT LIVES! What more could one hope to gain when fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?”

“You don’t under-understand! He would have killed me, Sirius!”

Sirius clenched his fists and began trembling as hard as Peter was. He bent down furiously. “THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!”

Sirius stepped back, panting, and stood shoulder to shoulder with Professor Lupin as they both raised their wands.

Professor Lupin shook his head. “You should have realized… If Voldemort didn’t kill you… We would. Goodbye, Peter.”

The knot in Heather’s stomach loosened and she felt she could finally breathe. She turned away, although she knew she’d feel nothing but relief knowing there would be no servant making his way back to his master tonight.

“NO!” Harry yelled.

Heather whipped back around to see Harry had placed himself in front of Peter. “Harry!”

He faced their wands with open arms, shielding Peter. “You can’t kill him. You can’t.”

Professor Lupin and Sirius both looked startled and staggered back a step.

“Harry, this pest is the reason you have no parents… This truckling piece of vermin valued his own skin over your whole family. You heard him. He would have delivered you and your sister to Voldemort without a second thought if it meant he could continue about his filthy life,” Sirius snarled. “Step aside, Harry. He deserves this and more.”

“Yes, I know! But you can’t kill him… He should go to Azkaban. We’ll take him to the castle… hand him over to the dementors – just don’t kill him.”

Heather looked at him surprised. It was months ago, weeks go… hours ago that Harry would have killed the man who murdered their parents. He almost had. And now the pitiful wheezing man behind him was being shown great mercy… and now it was her that was willing to see him dealt with.

She sighed and moved next to Harry. “H-He’s right.”

“You sweet… children – I don’t deserve – thank you!” Peter bent his head down so that his forehead rested on Heather’s heals.

“Get off her!” Harry kicked him back. “We’re not doing this for you.” He turned to look Professor Lupin and Sirius in the eyes. “I don’t think Dad would have wanted his two best friends to become killers over someone so pathetic.”

Heather nodded. “And Peter can clear your name… Sirius.”

Sirius looked into her eyes and nodded, grasping the delicate extension of friendship and trust Heather had just thrown him. “In the end… it’s you two who have the right to decide what happens to him.” He lowered his wand hand.

They nodded.

“Very well… Stand aside and I’ll tie him up.” Professor Lupin motioned for them to part and as soon as they did, thin cords shot from his wand and wrapped around Peter.

Peter was groaning and wiggling under his binds but seemed well enough secure that Heather could catch her breath from the whole experience.

Peter stopped wiggling when Sirius pointed his wand at him again. “If you transform, Peter. We WILL kill you. Do you agree Harry? Heather?”

Harry nodded. Heather breathed out and turned away from Peter. “Yes.”

“Right, then.” Professor Lupin walked over to Ron and assessed his leg. “Why don’t we strap your leg up and take you back to the castle where Madam Pomphrey can mend your leg.”

Ron nodded and winced when Professor Lupin tapped his leg and said ‘Ferula.’ Bandages sprung out of his wand end and wrapped around Ron’s bloody leg. He stood with the help of Hermione and tapped his foot lightly on the floor. “Doesn’t hurt much anymore. Thanks.”

Heather looked over at Snape still knocked unconscious and poked his shoulder with her wand. “Er – what about Snape?”

Professor Lupin walked over and examined him. “There’s nothing very wrong with him. Still knocked out from those two spells – a little overenthusiastic with it weren’t you?”

Heather’s cheeks heated. “I didn’t like what he said… But I regret it.”

“I don’t,” Ron cut in with a laugh. “First Hermione now you. I hope you two DO keep up the good work coming next year.”

“Next year?” Hermione huffed. “We’ll be expelled after this!”

Professor Lupin chuckled. “I’m sure the Minister of Magic won’t allow the expulsion of Harry Potter, his twin, and the children responsible for capturing Sirius Black, clearing his name, and also capturing the man really responsible for those crimes…” He gave a smile and a shrug. “It’s not good press.”

“But we attacked a teacher,” Hermione whispered stubbornly.

“Right well. Perhaps we hold off on waking him up until we’re safely back in the castle.” Professor Lupin looked at Sirius and jerked his head back at Snape’s unconscious body.

Sirius nodded and pointed his wand. “Mobilicorpus.”

In an instant, Snape was lifted up into the air by his shoulders into a limp sort of standing position. His head rolled around as Sirius motioned him off the bed, and he looked more like a ragdoll then than seconds before when he was first lifted.

“Two of us should be chained to this, on top of the ropes… Just in case.” Sirius prodded Peter with his foot.

Ron stepped up, looking down at Peter with disgust. It looked like he was taking Scabbers’ true identity as a personal insult. “I’ll do it.”

Professor Lupin fixed the ropes and attached chains connecting Peter’s left arm to his own right and Peter’s right arm to Ron’s left. “Then it’s settled. Let’s make our way out… And leave all this in the past… as it should have been.” He looked around at the old and dust shrieking shack and gave them a grimace of disgust.

Crookshanks led the way out of the shrieking shack, tail held high at a job well done, and they all followed. Professor Lupin, Peter, Ron, and Hermione went through the trap door first, then Snape’s limp body, Sirius, Heather, and Harry.

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

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blackjack-15 · 4 years

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Silly Rabbit, Ecological Terrorism is For Kids! — Thoughts on: The White Wolf of Icicle Creek (ICE)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. As ICE sends off the Jetsetting Games category and moves into the Odd Games category, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I’ll go into what storyline marks this game a bit Odd in the Nancy Drew series as a whole.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: ICE; TRT; mention of FIN; mention of CUR; mention of TRN; mention of SEA.

This meta is under a read more because of its sheer length.

The Intro:

Ughhhhh. UGHHH.

The White Wolf of Icicle Creek has a lot of things that make it distinct in the Nancy Drew video game series — it sports the first new interface since SHA, it has the world’s most boring list of ‘enticing moments’ from the game on the back, its assets look like they were forcefully molded out of gummy bears, it randomly was released on Wii, it’s the best-known game among non-fans thanks to the Game Grumps — but it also stands out because not one of those things make it enjoyable to play or to watch without a heavy amount of MST3K-style commentary.

Also because it features the fandom’s least favorite puzzle of all time…but more on that later.

A point to get out of the way before we get into the game proper is that this game feels a lot like a cheap knock-off of Treasure in a Royal Tower. Like, a lot like a cheap knock-off. One of those animated films called “Bemo’s Lost in the Ocean” or “A Toy Tale” that come out around Disney/Pixar films to try to trick hapless grandmas into buying them.

Just lining it up, we have Nancy stuck in/around a lodge in winter, an edict from the owner of the lodge to figure out what’s up with repeated Incidents and possible sabotage while most guests have left, an academic around Nancy’s age, an Old Coot, an Olympian whose grandparent was important, chores (including food related chores) to do in order to progress in the story, a suspect you can only talk to face-to-face for part of the game…the list honestly goes on in both big and small ways.

While ICE isn’t the only one that tries to do this (since I’m not doing a SEA meta, I won’t get into the fact that SEA literally just remastered DDI’s characters and said ‘good enough’), it does feel particularly egregious because, for all its copying, there’s not enough in the game to distract from it even a bit.

ICE is a game searching for an identity and unable to find one, no matter how many plot points, chores, or games (horrible, unskippable games) they throw at the player. We have full on international espionage and ecological terrorism here (more on that in the next section), and it just…doesn’t matter, at the end of the day. It also takes place in Canada, but your only clue to that is that one of the characters says “eh” a lot, so that’s not great either.

If ICE is a new game to you (it can be a bear to install and even worse to complete, so I’m going to go off the assumption that not everyone will be familiar with it), you’ve probably only heard of the cooking chores, fox and geese, and that this is the game with the Return of Tony Balducci, previously of TRN fame. (Honestly, ICE had a big enough cast without its phone characters, but HER decided to shove three phone characters along with one partial phone character at us anyway.) And, to be honest, that’s pretty much all there is to the game.

Now I know this sounds harsh, but there is a possible explanation to the lack of content in this game. In my previous meta (link at the top of this post) I made a note that CRE’s production in all likelihood suffered because the company was focused on ICE’s new interface. I don’t think it’s a leap at all to say that ICE’s story and characters could also have suffered because of the same thing.

The biggest problem with ICE — besides the weird stuff we’ll get into below — is that it’s a shallow game. None of the characters have any real depth, the plot is a paper-thin copy of TRT, the puzzles are alternatingly impossible and extremely easy, and in an effort to add “depth”, we get…well, we get this next section.

The Weird Stuff:

With each of the Odd Games (ICE through RAN, Heaven help us all), there’s something that makes the game truly…well, odd. Odd for the Nancy Drew series, odd for the age range specified on the front of the box, and odd in general when you look at the rest of the plot.

In this game, it comes in the form of terrorism — or rather, two types of terrorism. Guadalupe is our first (and only, in this series) ecological terrorist, belonging to a fringe group called “Run and Go Free” and being perfectly fine with illegal acts (destruction of the fishing lodge, sabotage of personal property), even telling Nancy that she’s done worse in the name of Run and Go Free.

Nancy Drew Games are no stranger to hippie/naturalist types (see DOG, DDI, CAR, etc.) but Lupe is our first to be legitimately dangerous. Sure, she doesn’t end up being the ultimate Bad Guy, but she is A Bad Guy, and it really does seem very odd to me that after everything Lupe does (and insinuates that she’s done), that she gets away with barely a slap on the wrist in having to leave the lodge.

Lupe in no way fits in with the rest of the plot; there’s nothing to justify her being present in the game, she can appear about halfway through the game and then leaves to become a phone contact soon after, she’s not present enough to be an actual suspect — she has no place in the plot nor the game, and it really does just boggle the mind that a character is in it at all, especially with ICE having a greater than average number of suspects to begin with.

On the other hand, however, we have Yanni, an Eastern European Olympian spy/terrorist, sent by the Fredonian (a commonly used fake country) government to bomb around the lodge to find uranium under the cover of training for the next Olympics.

That is a whole lot of things for one character.

You’d think with the presence of Lupe that Yanni would fit right in, but he doesn’t make her — or himself — any less odd or out of place than he would have been alone. It’s a ‘suspicious Olympian’ character that we already got with Jacques, but he’s a million times worse, setting off friggin bombs to find a metal that his government wants for…well, the normal reason that governments want uranium.

So we can add in “reference to ongoing nuclear warfare” as another thing that makes this game Odd.

Yanni doesn’t fit the game or the plot, which is pretty bad considering he’s responsible for about half the plot in the first place. He also has that weird aside about his grandmother being eaten by wolves, as if HER wants the player to suspect him because of some twisted revenge against wolves plot (which would have been Very Weird) so that they can pull the rug out at the end and be like “see?? He’s a political terrorist looking for uranium for nuclear bombs for his country!!! Gotcha!!”.

Like, it’s not a Gotcha if it’s absolute lunacy. My land.

With that explanation out of the way, let’s get to something a little less Odd.

The Title:

I actually don’t have much to say here. The White Wolf of Icicle Creek is honestly a great name; it tells us the focal point of the game (the wolf), the location, (Icicle Creek), and even pretty much tells you the season that this game is happening in (white, icicle). It accomplishes a lot in a very short amount of words, and pertains accurately to the game we’re dealing with.

We’ll chalk that up in the “Win” category…especially since we’re going straight back into the “Lose” category with the next section.

The Mystery:

The mystery is a mess, full stop. There’s way too much going on for the amount of payoff (i.e. little to none), and the plot, thin at best, completely drops off at the 2/3rds mark when all the player has left to do is wait for random events to occur and keep putting off fox and geese.

Anyway.

We begin with strange, destructive incidents of sabotage happening at a renowned winter resort. Most of the guests have left, and there’s been some damage to parts of the resort. Asked for help by the owner of the resort who’s away on business, Nancy must pick up the slack left by staff who have quit, run food-related errands, and discover who might be behind these attacks before it’s too late.

Oh wait, that’s Treasure in a Royal Tower. Lemme start again.

We begin with strange, destructive incidents of sabotage happening at a renowned winter resort. Most of the guests have left, and there’s been some damage —

You get the picture.

The biggest difference pre-game is that after every incident, a white wolf is spotted, only to disappear before the police get there. People start connecting the wolf to the crimes, and go as far as blaming it for cases of food poisoning and slashed tires, as if the wolf is cooking food and using a knife with its paws.

Just as Nancy’s arriving on scene, the bunkhouse is blown up and she hears the wolf howling — so obviously there must be a connection there, and a wolf definitely isn’t just responding to a loud noise.

This part honestly feels a bit like the beginning of CUR, where the game tries to establish Scary Feelings and Ominous Threats and just comes off ham-fisted.

The back of the box features three ‘exciting’ things that Nancy gets to do in this game, which are as follows: cook lunch and dinner, ride a snowmobile and wear snow shoes, and do snowball fights and ice fishing. While it’s sad that those moderately exciting things are the best that the box can boast, it’s even sadder that they really are the best the game has to offer.

It’s easy to lose thread of the mystery nearly as soon as Nancy gets to the lodge, because she’s immediately bombarded with laundry that has to be done before a certain time, meals that have to be done within a certain hour or two, and a suspect (Lupe) that can just refuse to show up.

Oh, and the return of Tino Balducci.

Returning in a game where he doesn’t fit in and where no one wanted him in the first place, Tino’s there to “help” Nancy solve the mystery by giving her a questionnaire for her suspects to fill out that asks what planet they see themselves as, among other inanities.

Honestly, this whole section could be summed up as “Tino returns, among other inanities”.

Nancy, throughout all of this, somehow has time to do a bit of detective work, interviewing a cast of rather one-note suspects, figuring out that more than one person is responsible for the many accidents. Guadalupe’s sabotage is discovered and she’s sent home, Yanni is increasingly unavailable (which is hugely suspicious), snowball fights are more prevalent than necessary, and finally the villain is exposed, all culminating in a glitchy, nigh-impossible snowmobile chase.

Oh, and there’s a half-tamed wolf storyline that kinda pops up every now and again.

All in all, the mystery is a weak thread throughout the game — which is a problem, because it’s the only thread throughout the game — that’s easily overshadowed by the chores, games, and frankly awful visuals throughout the game.

Now, to those who contribute (in a way) to the non-entity that is ICE’s story:

The Suspects:

Ollie Randall is our resident grumpy caretaker and is Chantal’s right-hand man, along with being on the Avalanche Patrol and a firm believer in the bad luck that wolves bring. His wife can’t handle cold temperatures due to a nerve condition, so he’s also his daughter Freddie’s sole parent during the winter.

As a culprit in the game as it now is, Ollie would have been the only sensical option; fed up with the awful guests that come and cause havoc, he starts causing little easily-solved accidents to spook away the less hardy-type guests, but it keeps spiraling as it doesn’t keep out everyone but people like Bill Kessler. Frustrated by the treatment the lodge gets, he decides that if people don’t treat it nicely, they can’t have it at all…

Unfortunately, Ollie is limited to being Grumpy, and not a lot else.

Freddie Randall is Ollie’s daughter and the self-proclaimed Snow Princess due to her ability to stay out in the cold for hours in her snow fort, and to take repeated snowballs to the face courtesy of a teen detective.

Freddie is…I know I talked about how Yanni and Lupe don’t really fit into the game, but Freddie really doesn’t fit any version of this game. She’s there for a mini game, she doesn’t have a personality, you can’t skip her mini game, she’s voiced by Lani Minella…the list goes on and on. Her shining moment of glory is acting as a red herring by throwing a snowball through Lou’s window.

She’s pointless to talk about as a potential culprit, even though she would have been an interesting “culprit” in a case where all the incidents are actually Freddie accidentally causing trouble, but that probably would have been even less satisfying than how the game actually went, so we’ll just move along here.

Our cross-country skiing Olympian from the fictional Eastern European country of Fredonia, Yanni Volkstaia is both our only suspect wearing a onesie and our only suspect with a family member eaten by wolves.

I know, that’s already a high bar to top. Don’t worry, he’ll fall very, very far below it.

Yanni, as mentioned above, is our odd spy/terrorist villain who is disguising his being there for uranium by saying that it’s his Olympic competitors trying to throw off his training. Why an Olympian is training alone without any coaches or security…well, let’s just say that Yanni didn’t really think his cover story through.

Just because Yanni’s the obvious culprit doesn’t mean he fills the role well; Yanni is obvious, annoying, and his paper-thin cover is just annoying enough to be…well, annoying. He throws out that his grandmother was “killed and devoured” by wolves as if he wants Nancy to believe that that’s the reason he’s targeting the lodge but…it still points directly to him. It’s just not great all the way around.

Joining Yanni in terrorism is Guadalupe Comillo, activist from California and hard-to-find suspect. Lupe can, as mentioned above, literally just not appear for a bit, stalling out the game and making her even more annoying than she already is.

Lupe’s cover is that she’s a bird watcher, but she knows absolutely nothing about birds — like honestly nothing, even though she had time to make her cover story (not unlike Yanni).

She gets sent away by destruction of private property (Ollie’s gun – super dangerous to make a gun misaim out in the wild and she’s lucky he didn’t hit anything problematic [like another person] because of it) and good riddance, but appears as a phone friend to rather pointlessly exonerate herself and do pretty much nothing else but stop the game in its tracks until she lets it proceed.

As a culprit, Lupe would have been the other obvious choice, but she’s just not in the game enough, so she’s easy to ignore. Her cover is thin, but so is her motivation (!!! Save the wolf!!!), so she’s one of the most annoying non-entity suspects in this series.

Our second Californian in the cast is Lou Talbot, who is a college student, master of ‘earthitecture’ (inspired by Poppy Dada) and stealer of dinosaur bones for money. He also plays fox and geese with Bill in his spare time. He does a really good impression of the Guy in my MFA twitter as well, but that’s literally it.

No, really, that’s his entire character. I can’t even posit what he would be like as the culprit because that is LITERALLY all we’re given on him. End of bio. My gosh, what a waste of pixels.

Lou’s partner in fox and geese is Bill Kessler, who loves to fish and whose grandmother used to own the lodge before Chantal. While he feels that his grandmother Tilly was cheated out of the lodge, he has little desire to get it back, and really just wants to hide the fact that he’s been to the lodge before (an odd thing to hide, but whatever makes him feel better.)

Like Lou, apart from that, he really doesn’t have any character. He basically is a mix of TRT’s Jacques in his family connection to the lodge and SHA’s Dave in actual amount of motivation (i.e., 0 motivation) to do anything about it. He is, however, the person who makes Nancy play fox and geese, and for that alone, I hate him.

As a culprit, Bill’s played as a red herring for a solid 5 minutes of gameplay (though not very well — why would an avid fisherman blow up a fishing shack?), and then totally discounted the moment Nancy finds out his backstory. He’s really just there — like most of the cast, worryingly enough — to pad out the number of suspects and to give Nancy a taste of Hell through fox and geese.

The Favorite:

There are a few bright spots in this confused mess of a game, so let’s go through them.

My favorite moment in the game is when Nancy, after Yanni says the horrific line about his grandmother being killed and devoured by wolves, can ask “how”. As if that’s a sentence that needs a ‘how’. It’s a great moment of Nancy being absolutely tone deaf, and I giggle like a madman every time I think about it.

My favorite puzzle in the game is probably the cooking minigame, which I dislike in frequency and time requirement, but do love in actual practice. It’s fun to cook in every Nancy Drew game, and this one is no exception. I just wish it wasn’t regimented so heavily.

I love the atmosphere of the lodge; it’s beautifully animated (in fact one of my favorite locations in the ND games), big without being too big, and is never boring, even by the end of the game. The lodge is largely a character unto itself, and is quite successful as a wonderful location.

The Un-Favorite:

There’s a lot to unpack here, but we’ll keep it short because the fix section of this meta is gonna have me by the throat.

My least favorite moment in the game is the moment Tino comes into the game. As the game now stands, there’s no reason for him to be involved, and short a comment about him by the Hardy Boys, which would at least justify it a little, he’s purposeless. He’s worse than that, actually — he’s there to slow the game down, and that’s a cardinal sin.

My least favorite puzzle in the game is a tie between fox and geese (UGH) and the final snowmobile chase. My problems with fox and geese are obvious — they’re everyone’s problems with fox and geese: it’s a required puzzle, it’s hard to do, there’s no way to cheat through it, and it takes forever.

The final snowmobile chase is somehow even worse. It’s buggy, laggy, has nothing to do with the actual plot, has arbitrary win conditions — it’s the worst (or at least among the worst) that HER has to offer with final puzzles. If everything else about ICE was perfect, engaging, fun, and thought-provoking, this final puzzle would still put me off of playing it. It’s just that bad.

The storyline with Isis and that whole backstory isn’t treated well in game; it’s almost as if they came up with the title and then remembered at the last minute that there’s supposed to be an actual wolf. I would have loved more of a focus on that storyline; as it is, it barely counts as a blip on the game’s radar — which is a shame.

The Fix:

Gosh, how on earth will I fix The White Wolf of Icicle Creek? The answer is that I don’t feel like I can just apply a few quick fixes and be on my way; the only answer I could find is to approach this as if I was at the proposal meeting for this game — how would I outline the barebones scenario?

This section will be long, as I’m going to start just from the skeleton and build things in. What follows is my own imaginings of what my own personal ideas would be to create ICE, rather than to fix it from what the finished product was. As an important note, the side-plot with the wolf, as it was really neglected and bare-bones to begin with in the game, is mostly removed.

The first section I’ll work on is structure. Though it wasn’t done perfectly in FIN, I feel like the pacing of ICE could be vastly improved by putting a clock on the game by assigning designated days and tasks. Three days is still probably a good idea, as it lets us easily break the story into a 3-act structure and delineate certain tasks for certain days without overloading one day in particular. We’ll get more into what should happen in Days 1, 2, and 3 later in a general overview of how the plot would go.

The mechanism used to get Nancy there — Chantal being a friend of Carson’s — isn’t bad, but I’d change it up just slightly. Nancy’s not yet a “professional” detective, but we’re only 2 games from her being hired by a foreign country’s authorities, so she should be making her way up there. It stands to reason that Nancy would attract some attention from the business in CRE since the Hardy Boys would definitely mention Nancy in their de-briefing and Aikens is a big name, so let’s build on that from here. Chantal is still Carson’s friend, and she still wants to get these incidents solved while she’s away from the Lodge for legal matters — someone got injured at the lodge and is now suing.

Carson decides to officially hire Nancy — paperwork, legal documentation, etc. — as a “concerned third party” in Chantal’s problems, telling her that her job is to find out two things: find out what’s causing the incidents of sabotage, and give Carson enough evidence in favor of the lodge’s safety that he can prove reasonable doubt against the people accusing Chantal. Nancy will be there undercover as a family friend of Chantal’s, with only Ollie knowing that she’s there in an official capacity.

ICE has a cast that is both unwieldy and characterless, and I feel like the way to fix that is through combining characters. Starting out we have Ned, Chantal, Tino, the ex-maid, her boyfriend, Ollie, Freddie, Lupe, Yanni, Lou, and Bill — 10 characters that we deal with in the present, plus one other player (in the boyfriend/stalker guy). 11 in total. That is a huge, huge cast that we definitely need to pare down.

The first thing to do is to take out Tino Balducci. He slows down the plot, is completely unnecessary, and isn’t even entertaining. Since there’s no Hardy Boys to play off of him (and I would keep the Hardy Boys out of this game, even with my love for them), Tino needs to go the way of the dodo. And good riddance to him, honestly.

Freddie, an obvious subject to axe, should instead be aged up to around 20 and combined with the maid whose ex-boyfriend’s letter Nancy finds at the beginning of the game. Freddie would handle all the chores the first day except the cooking.

Instead of a nebulous, incident-causing ex-boyfriend, Freddie would have just started a relationship with Lou, keeping our cast tight and visible, rather than one-off characters with nothing else to give to the story.

By now we’re down to Carson, Ned, Chantal, Freddie, Ollie, Lupe, Yanni, Lou, and Bill. I think we can do a little better than that.

The next step I’d take is to remove Yanni entirely. Yes, I know it’s a big change to remove the canonical culprit, but bear with me. With Yanni and Lupe having so many similarities and together being guilty of 99% of the Crimes in this game, I’m pretty comfortable in combining them. I’d also make the minor change of having Lupe be an Indigenous Canadian rather than Hispanic and from California, since our game is set in Canada and there’s absolutely no reason for a large portion of our cast to be American.

With Yanni gone, Lupe (or whatever her new name would be, since the name ‘Lupe’, all nationality changes aside, in a game ostensibly about a wolf makes me want to kill myself) assumes a few of his personality quirks – most importantly, a family member with a past with wolves. It doesn’t really matter if it’s positive or negative, you just want the association there as a herring (red or otherwise).

That puts us down to 5 suspects to talk to and three phone friends for a total of 8 players in the present. Since Chantal is supposed to be busy, I’d remove the ability to talk to her entirely — anything that Chantal could offer can come through Carson as Nancy’s official “employer”, which brings us to a nice 7 players — an entirely manageable number.

So let’s begin.

The beginning of the game with Nancy at her desk always includes a case file, so this time the case file would say that Nancy, at the behest of her ‘client’, Carson Drew, is flying out to Alberta to investigate strange happenings at Chantal Moique’s lodge. Chantal is trying to settle with people who got hurt there and are trying to sue her, and Carson’s helping to advise her. Nancy’s mission is two-fold: figure out what’s causing the incidents at the lodge, and find evidence that Chantal can’t be held liable for the injuries incurred by the guests suing her.

Wolves are commonly seen around the area of the lodge — Northern Alberta has some of the highest population of wolves in North America — and there’s a rumor at the lodge that the spirits of the wolves that are hunted in the area every winter are causing some of the sabotage.

Chantal thinks the rumor is being spread by whoever is doing the actual sabotage to make her guests leave and force her out of business, so Carson tells Nancy to pay attention to the stories about the wolves — and one snow-white wolf in particular, who is often sighted very close to the lodge. Carson suspects that, if it exists, the white wolf is actually a trained dog (a white/white and silver Siberian Husky, for example) being used to whip up panic, but tells Nancy to keep an open mind.

As Nancy’s arriving at the Lodge, an explosion occurs in the distance, causing the rumbling of snow to start. Ollie, who’s picked up Nancy from her plane, says darkly that he’s been waiting for something like this to happen, and that this will probably cause a minor avalanche (his opinion as the head of Avalanche Patrol in the area), making it impossible to leave the lodge for a few days. He tells Nancy to head straight to bed once they get to the lodge, as she’s in for an exhausting time dealing with the “weirdos” still left at the lodge.

Nancy wakes up and Day One begins with Freddie freaking out outside Nancy’s door. After explaining that the regular chef (who was off for the last month visiting family) can’t get back to the lodge until tomorrow and that Freddie’s only manned the kitchen once or twice, Nancy says that she has experience cooking and offers to take the chef’s duties for the day.

Day One has Nancy meet all the suspects – Bill’s playing a game (I don’t care what it is as long as it’s something that involves writing things down) with anyone who passes by and talks about how out of all the lodges in Canada, this one’s his favorite; Lou hangs out near the bones (make him an archeology major or something related to but not exactly paleontology) and Definitely Doesn’t Know the Cute Girl Who Works at the Lodge, How Dare Nancy Assume; Not-Lupe is gone until 4pm when it starts getting dark because she loves spending time in nature, especially with the Super Special Wolf running around the place; and Ollie’s in the workshop fixing the things that have been sabotaged, worries about his daughter being away from her mother and about her ‘cavorting’ with a guest.

Nancy still preps lunch and the day goes on without a hitch other than Lou having an overheard argument with someone at around 6. Nancy cooks dinner, accidentally (due to smudged instructions from Freddie) sprinkling paprika in everyone’s food and setting off an allergic (mild to moderate anaphylaxis, helped by an epi pen) reaction + hives in Freddie, who they fly out via helicopter that night.

Ollie, feeling hostile towards Nancy, takes a look at the instructions/recipe that Nancy worked off of and says to her that the first page is Freddie’s handwriting, but the second page isn’t — someone did this on purpose. Nancy calls Carson, who says that the soonest he can get there is the day after next, and to keep herself safe above everything — he’ll check in with the hospital Freddie’s at since it’s also in Edmonton, where Carson and Chantal are. Carson warns Nancy that the guests were about to settle the lawsuit when the news about the explosion hit the news, and are now more determined than ever to sue for all Chantal’s worth.

Day 2 opens with the cook (who’s unseen and just exists in order to relieve Nancy of kitchen duty) arriving and a phone call from Carson asking for Chantal/Freddie if Nancy can grab the laundry bags from the guests’ rooms and that the spare key is in the register at the front (of course guarded by a puzzle — I’d even accept a mini fox and geese, as one of the big problems with that puzzle in the vanilla game is that it goes on way too long.

While snooping in the desk, Nancy finds evidence that Chantal might have been guilty of criminal neglect — a few things around the lodge are listed as “fixed” and totally safe when really they still need some maintenance — and wonders how she should tell Carson and if she should wait until she has more evidence. Before she goes out for the day, Not-Lupe mentions to Nancy “in confidence” that she overheard Lou fighting with Freddie before dinner, calling it a “lover’s quarrel”.

After lunch and talking with all the suspects again, Nancy goes to grab the laundry with the master key and snoops in everyone’s rooms, finding various clues and suspicious things: Bill’s journal detailing how Chantal is running the place into the ground and needs to be replaced, along with a few lodge magazines; Not-Lupe’s gloves with suspicious specks of things on them (Nancy takes a sample of it in a Kleenex or something); Lou’s heavy suitcase that has a case with imprints of bones in it; Ollie’s has maintenance books that also detail how to take things apart and maintenance notes that say he saw the wolf around but didn’t have his gun; Freddie’s only thing of interest is a little dinosaur pin on her dresser.

Nancy takes the opportunity to snoop in Chantal’s normal room and finds that the things that were listed in the documents in the front desk really were fixed; Ollie reported to Chantal that things that he fixed were un-fixed by the time he went back to them the next day — most of the time suffering damage as well, such as the sauna that injured the guests that are suing Chantal. Nancy calls her father with the news, and Carson says to save those documents so that he can come get them tomorrow, and to see if she can find any clues to who might have done it.

After dinner Nancy talks to Lou, who confesses that he and Freddie started dating a few days ago after meeting online last semester in a dinosaur enthusiast forum — hence his decision to come to the lodge, as Freddie said there were cool bones here. He was originally going to steal a few small ones and thought no one would notice if he replaced them with resin-cast replicas, but Freddie caught him and they had a fight which ended with Lou deciding not to steal, and Freddie saying that she could help him make replicas for him to take home and keep in his house.

Nancy asks why he’s telling her, and Lou says that Ollie seems to get along with Nancy well, and he’d like Nancy to calm Ollie down if Ollie discovers that he’s dating Freddie. Nancy asks Lou about the wolf, and Lou says that some of the stuff could be a wolf — he’s seen one around the lodge once or twice — but he hasn’t really been paying attention to anything except the bones and Freddie (who he’s looking forward to visiting once he can).

When talking with Bill, he offhandedly mentions that he used to be a handyman — the sink in his room started acting up, but he fixed it easily because he thinks that Ollie has enough to do without doing this easy fix. Bill says that this would never have happened when Chantal’s father was running the Lodge and accuses Chantal of preferring to spend long “business trips” in the city to actually paying attention to the Lodge — he says she should just live in the city and hire a manager with experience who actually cares. Nancy asks Bill about the wolf, and he says if anyone could be haunted by wolves, he’d believe it was Chantal.

Nancy, it should be noted, during her explorations around the lodge, sees a few pawprints and some chewed-on debris, but otherwise hasn’t seen the wolf in person. Just traces and tracks.

Not-Lupe and Ollie both dodge Nancy’s questions – Ollie’s busy as everything seems to be breaking at once, and snaps at Nancy that without Chantal around, he’s the only person keeping the lodge afloat, and he’d be better off without the stress of this job. When Nancy asks him about the wolf, Ollie says that the last thing they need is some idiot tourist being attacked by a wolf, and so he refuses to believe that there’s a wolf around the area.

Not-Lupe is at her normal place at the window (though there’s a chair there because no one stands all day), and when Nancy asks about the wolf, says that that’s why she’s there — she heard the rumor about the wolf and wanted to see it, but that her visit’s been very disappointing — just a junky lodge with incompetent staff and no wolves anywhere. Her hobby is visiting winter lodges, and this one just Isn’t up to snuff.

Nancy tries to pry deeper, but Not-Lupe shuts her down and goes to bed; Nancy investigates the living room as everyone leaves for bed and finds crinkled up under the couch a magazine cutout about the Premier Lodge Group, a company that owns winter lodges all over Canada and the United States, and their plans to build a group of lodges in Alberta as soon as a few “minor inconveniences” with location are solved.

The day ends with Carson calling; Nancy tells him about all the suspects (Carson confirms Lou’s story by having talked to Freddie), the magazine, Ollie wanting to quit, etc. Carson promises to do some research on Premier Lodge Group and tells Nancy to send him a picture of the stuff she found on Lupe’s gloves. Nancy does so, and that’s the end of Day 2.

Day 3 opens again with Carson’s phone call, informing Nancy that he’ll be there in the early evening — he’s having a contact of his look at the photo Nancy sent, but he’s pretty sure it won’t be good news.

Premier Lodge Group was investigated a few years ago for sabotage to their competitors but ultimately nothing came out of it, and Carson suspects that people were paid off to keep quiet about it. Carson says that he’s looked into Ollie (since Carson suspected him the most) and apparently Ollie always grouches about quitting when he’s stressed but has been there for 20 years and is as loyal as they come, so Nancy says she’ll focus on Not-Lupe and Bill — the two lodge-hoppers who seem dissatisfied with the lodge.

Both Not-Lupe and Bill are gone when Nancy gets downstairs, and Lou (who’s planning on leaving that night to go to Edmonton) says that they both got a sack lunch from the kitchen and left early in the morning to go explore outside. He tells Nancy she can borrow his snowshoes and says that they both headed out (independently) in the direction of Skookum Ridge.

When Nancy gets up to the Ridge, she spots the “wolf” — really a Siberian Husky, like Carson thought, who seems very well trained. When the dog comes up to Nancy, a gunshot ripples through the air and nearly hits the dog, who would have gone running off had Nancy not grabbed her collar and yelled not to shoot. Nancy sees Bill across the ridge and waves him over, explaining that it’s a dog, not a wolf. The dog (whose name is something way better than Isis — literally anything else would do) is suspicious of Bill at first, which convinces Nancy that it’s not Bill’s — the only suspect left is Not-Lupe.

When she tells Bill what she knows about Not-Lupe, Bill admits to having seen her before at a lodge that went out of business due to mysterious accidents, but thought it was a coincidence before digging deeper in the magazines he brought and finding Not-Lupe in the back of a small photo of Premier Lodge Administrative Staff — he was worried about keeping it safe and knowing that there would be no cleaning staff until at least the next day, crumpled it up and put it under the couch he normally sits by.

A happy, friendly dog in tow, Nancy and Bill head back to the lodge only to find Ollie and Lou standing outside looking worried. They tell Nancy that they both went outside because they heard a loud noise, only to find the door locked behind them — and every other door locked as well. After realizing that Not-Lupe wouldn’t open the doors for them, Ollie went to get an axe for the door, only to have a note appear on the door’s window that if they forced their way in, the whole Lodge would be burned to the ground in an instant.

Carson calls then, saying that he’s a few minutes away, but that his friend got back to him — Not-Lupe’s gloves were covered in residue from explosives. Bill takes Nancy’s phone and begins to fill Carson in on who they think Not-Lupe is working for and who she is. Nancy asks Lou and Ollie to hoist her up to her own window, which she keeps unlocked, and crawls in, creeping downstairs to the main room to try to find how Not-Lupe will burn the lodge and stop her.

Nancy confronts Not-Lupe, who confirms her identity as a saboteur for the Premier Lodge Group, saying that with the bad press around the lodge Chantal would have already had to sell — but she’s going to go one step further and cause an ‘incident’, blowing up the lodge with fuses hidden around its ground floor — Chantal’s father won’t spend the money to rebuild the lodge, and the only proof that is against her is the word of two American kids, an old man, and a lodge-hopper with a very incriminating diary that would be found soon enough. She tells Nancy that she can either try to catch her or try to save the lodge and runs out the back, intent on escaping as she pushes the button to arm the explosives.

Nancy yells out the window for them to catch Not-Lupe, who’s got to be headed out to the main road, tossing the cushion of the seat Lupe usually sat in so that her dog can catch her scent, then has the final timed puzzle be switching off each detonator (which would be in each of the places where the suspects usually were, with the exception of Ollie’s whose is in the front desk).

As soon as Nancy disarms them, Bill calls out to her that Carson just called — Lou and the dog tracked Lupe to the main road, and Bill called Carson to let him know. Carson’s car stops Not-Lupe (Carson brought a policeman on a hunch), and the day is saved. Premier Lodge is snagged in a major lawsuit by Chantal’s father and other lodge owners who have had the same thing happen to them, and Chantal hires Bill as co-manager to ensure there’s always someone there to manage the lodge and for his wealth of knowledge of what makes a good lodge and good experience for guests.

The game ends with Nancy writing her letter to Hannah (so that Hannah doesn’t worry about them), and with her dad’s praise for a job well done.

I realize that this is a monumental fix; it’s a brand-new game made out of the skeleton of the old one. I also realize that there are a million and one ways to re-write this game; this one takes the idea of sabotage, one of the most frequent inciting incidents in the Nancy Drew world, and just makes it a little bigger.

No terrorism required.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #white wolf of icicle creek #ICE #long post #video games #nancy drew meta

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pretendwiseguysofficial · 3 years

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MBTI: Star Wars

Written by Ryan (archive post from January 30, 2019)

It’s the gift that just keeps giving! And it will, forever, and ever, and…….ever, because of Disney. I can see both good and bad in that. Anyway, here’s another daunting list of characters, this time from Star Wars. Major characters have gotten their own articles. Rey: ISFP (https://goo.gl/p5TKP4) Finn: ENFP (https://goo.gl/bXp2fU) Kylo Ren: ESFP (https://goo.gl/Fh2cSa) Poe Dameron: ESFP (https://goo.gl/rFc6ob)

Luke Skywalker: INFP (separate thread pending) Han Solo: ISTP (separate thread pending) Leia Organa: ESTJ (separate thread pending) Lando Calrissian: ESTP (separate thread pending) Obi Wan Kenobi: ENFJ (separate thread pending) Yoda: INFJ (separate thread pending) Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker: ISTJ (separate thread pending) Sheev Palpatine/Darth Sidious: ENTJ (https://bit.ly/2B8rzk4) Darth Maul: ISTP (separate thread pending) Qui-Gon Jinn: ENFP (separate thread pending)

Ahsoka Tano: ENFP (separate thread pending)

More Below

PREQUELS

Padme Amidala: ESFJ Padme is the most prominent ESFJ in the saga (aside from C3PO), and she’s portrayed by Natalie Portman with……..wooden acting. How ironic. The basic white girl of the saga is reduced to a monotone delivery in the first film. Who knew the Queen had to act like such a dingus so that her body double would have an easier time imitating her? If you think about it, it’s pretty genius. That being said, Fe is the name of the game here for Padme, as she’s primarily concerned with the needs and wants of those around her, and often champions for social causes due to her role as a senator later on in the films. The Clone Wars series amplifies her primary Fe and secondary Si, as she fights to restore the Republic to its glory days.

Count Dooku: INFJ No one got tricked harder by Palpatine’s schemes than Dooku did. Darth Tyranus himself wanted nothing more than for the Separatists to restore a rightful order to the galaxy (in his eyes), free from the corruption of the Jedi and the Republic. Even as he was in on most of Palpatine’s grand plans from the start, he was unaware of his master’s true deception towards him until his final seconds.

It’s only fitting that the gentlemanly villain of the saga, and even more fitting that he wanted Obi-Wan as his apprentice (another xNFJ), to usurp Palpatine. Count Dooku is basically the Ra’s Al Ghul of Star Wars.

Jar-Jar Binks: ESFP My favorite character! Just kidding. But really, Jar-Jar ain’t all that bad; he’s just an annoying ESFP. Jar-Jar lives primarily in the moment as a comic relief goober that bares little-to-no importance to the plot, except for the crowning moment where he facilitates the senate to give Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers. Oh, now you’ve got a reason to hate him.

Mace Windu: ENTJ “George……I want a purple lightsaber. Pleeaaaase?”

Unfortunately, Samuel L. Jackson himself never got to utter his catchphrase as he portrayed a more stoic ENTJ this time around. Mace Windu, known in the Legends continuity for his infamous Shatterpoint technique (very Te-based), gifts a strategic mindset to the Jedi council. He’ll often say things for how they are in a Te-based manner (but with a little more tact), such as when he states that Anakin is too old to be trained when Qui-Gon presents him to the council. And then he’ll sometimes give us some one liners, such as “this party’s over.” But the signifier of Te-Ni? When he proposes to execute Palpatine because he is too dangerous.

Jango Fett: ISTP Jango Fett? Neevah houd uf ‘im. But what about Boba? Rest aside, Jango Fett just cares about the fat stacks he gets from being a clone template so he can be the best dad in the galaxy there is, and he don’t care who pays him. Sounds pretty ISTP to me.

General Grievous: ESTJ Hello there! Our favorite coughing cyborg general turns out to be an ESTJ. Through primary Te, he barks out orders to his subordinates, often impatiently. It’s like he knows you knew how to do it but screwed up, which is a superpower that ESTJs have and will use to pounce on you and your failures.

Grievous himself is a natural boaster, like any ESTJ. Your GIFs will make a fine addition to his collection!

ORIGINAL TRILOGY

Tarkin: ESTJ Roll your R’s! Heighten your received pronunciation! Peter Cushing is here to add some Britishness to your Star Wars! Tarkin stands as one of the most brilliant tactical minds the Empire has known (rivaled only by Grand Admiral Thrawn). But he is also one of the governors/administrators of the Empire, and it is because of this reason that he has become known for his Te, dishing out orders with an elegant terror. ESTJ it is, folks.

Boba Fett: ISTP Fact: Boba Fett survives the Sarlacc Pit in both continuities. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. Everyone’s favorite character, Boba Fett, is just like his father (an ISTP); his allegiances do not matter as long as his employers pay him fat stacks. Unless he has to work with Han Solo. Archenemies do not get along that well. The everchanging neutrality of the ISTP is displayed most importantly in the Legends continuity, in one story where Fett himself turned on Vader and dueled with a lightsaber (successfully), when it wasn’t in his own interests to side with Vader.

R2D2: ENTP I’m always under the theory that if we could hear R2D2 speak, he’d be swearing ¼ of the time. This wisecracking little astromech droid always comes up with creative solutions when in a bind, all the while wising off to C3PO in the process. Sounds like Ne to me, right? But more importantly, the moral of the story for most ENTPs to learn is a little common sense and to sit back and think things through a little more. Sure they have excellent reasoning abilities on the spot, but would R2 have ended up in a Jawa sandcrawler if he hadn’t smarted off to Threepio in the desert and abandoned him? He may have had a “mission,” but he could have let Threepio in on it.

C3PO: ESFJ Like a true ESFJ, goldenrod here never learns to shut his mouth. The ESFJ will blab on and on about small talk and things no one cares about, which is often why C3PO gets interrupted all of the time when he explains what he does or where he has been. Much to his annoyance, too. Because he’s a protocol droid, his Fe is slanted to please others, and this is why we have the perfect ESFJ in this galaxy far, far away.

Chewbacca: ISFJ Can Chewbacca really be typed? I think so! Just because we don’t hear him speaking anything, doesn’t mean he can’t be! Solo: A Star Wars Story did a really good job of fleshing out Chewie’s character, giving him motives and ambitions. Such as, his desire to free his people in the spice mines of Kessel. That moment signaled one of the few times that Chewie would act impulsively, to me, and it reeked of ISFJ.

Jabba the Hutt: ESTP Big shot gangster, you say? That’s pretty clear-cut, ESTP. And we see this in Return of the Jedi; Jabba just sits around on his butt indulging in sensual pleasures, changing his mind in deals quite often. He’s a reasonable man, since he uses Ti. In A New Hope, we see the way he deals with Han Solo, and he restrains his displeasure in the hopes of giving him another chance to pay him back. ESTPs, with their tertiary Fe, can often do this, although their patience will ultimately wear thin in the long run.

Wedge Antilles: ISTJ Wedge is your basic everyman, like any ISTJ there is. Does he have much of a personality to him? Not really, but from what I’ve seen of him, he reeks of ISTJ.

THE CLONE WARS

Asajj Ventress: ISFP Ventress has been burned in life before, so it’s easy to assume that she could be an ISTP based upon her cold, sarcastic exterior. However, upon further examination, ISFP seems to fit far better. Ventress lives wholly for the moment, so it would be easy to think maybe she could be an Se-user. However, her biting comebacks that she displays are a very common trait from many other fictional ISFPs, who, when unhealthy, can show a lack of morality when it comes to their enemies and this is displayed in their inferior Te which manifests as either a childish outburst or a calm and collected burn. Her primary Fi is displayed with her sense of purpose with the Nightsisters, fueled by revenge against Dooku. In the New Canon novel Dark Disciple, we see the cold exterior melt a little bit in Ventress’ newfound romance with Quinlan Vos, and we finally see her inch toward becoming a healthier ISFP.

Captain Rex: ISTJ Rex is a simple man, and our main conduit upon which to view the clone troopers who chose not to obey Order 66, all due to a little thing called tertiary Fi. ISTJs are like big cuddly goobers sometimes, and Rex is quite the example sometimes, especially in his appearances in Rebels.

Mother Talzin: INFJ All Talzin wanted was her revenge on Palpatine for double-crossing her and taking her son Darth Maul, ultimately for the Nightsisters to prosper. She wanted power in the galaxy, but even Palpatine saw through her lunacy and said nah. Sometimes, because of their imaginations getting the best of them through Ni-Fe-Ti, the INFJ can seem a little bit delusional. And Mother Talzin seems pretty INFJ to me.

Hondo Ohnaka: ESTP Hondo Ohnaka loves to party, and he loves making material gains out of any situation possible; this only proves that he is ESTP. He’ll ally with you, and then betray you if the reward is greater, and this is fueled by Se as he sees infinite possibilities in the present moment. With secondary Ti, he’ll always choose the right words for the right purposes to weasel his way out of situations, and with tertiary Fe, he’ll also treat even his enemies in a cordial manner!

Cad Bane: ISTP The most grizzled and seasoned bounty hunter there ever was between Jango and Boba Fett’s dominance, Cad Bane means business and business means credits. And if you eff it up, he’ll get mad, because he only cares about himself and his payday, which is a common stereotype of many ISTP bounty hunters in fiction. The severely underdeveloped inferior Fe that he has explains his cold personality toward not only his enemies, but his fellow bounty hunters. And with his quick strategical mind informed through primary Ti, which also fuels his own sardonic wit, Cad Bane is an easy ISTP.

Savage Opress: ISTP There isn’t a whole lot of character development for Savage Opress, but he makes a terrible user of Fe (with the exception of his brother Maul), which is the inferior function of ISTPs. So I’m just going with ISTP here for Savage.

SEQUELS

Captain Phasma: ISTJ Phasma, portrayed by the lovely Gwendolyn Christie, has always managed to keep this air of coolness to her character despite being punked by Finn twice and surviving the explosion of a planet (and possibly a spaceship; we’ll find out in episode IX). Phasma herself is an ISTJ in the best possible way, and we find this out about her character in her work ethic which is displayed in the novels and comics of the new Disney canon. The wild extents of her tertiary Fi is explored more vividly in these new-canon works.

General Hux: ESTJ General Hux hates Kylo Ren (secretly) for his whining, immaturity, and overall terrible leadership skills, and the fact that Snoke clearly favors Ren compared to himself when it comes to leadership. What can we learn from such an ESTJ character? Well, we can learn that unhealthy ESTJs are prone to loud, angry outbursts and shouting matches when their patience wears thin (that which they run low on almost daily). The unhealthy ESTJ is also known for sucking up to their superiors while they ironically continue on to treat their subordinates terribly, such as the case when Hux sucks up to Snoke, or Kylo Ren when he usurps leadership. It is only because of Snoke’s protection that Hux was allowed to say whatever he wanted to Ren, and now that Snoke is gone, well……that’s an interesting dynamic to see in Episode IX to come.

Rose Tico: ISFJ Booooo! An ordinary type for an ordinarily character in Rose Tico.

Snoke: ENTJ We still know literally nothing about him, and quite honestly, I’m fine with that for the next few years. In The Force Awakens, he seemed quite the INTJ in his tiny amount of screentime. However though, he shows a much more charismatic side more indicative of a loony ENTJ. Those gold bathrobes……utter tertiary Se. And what differentiates Snoke from Palpatine, is a slightly more charismatic side that manifests itself in his speech, almost like he can’t get enough of his own voice (a trait also manifested by unhealthy ENTPs, but in a slightly different way), signifying ENTJ more than INTJ.

Maz Kanata: ENTP Maz Kanata is quite the character, being the leader of a den of space pirates and other equally colorful characters. And Han and Chewie seem to love her. Maz is ENTP; making quips about Chewie being her boyfriend, being the “guy who knows a guy” (like Cosmo Kramer of Seinfeld, another ENTP) with the Master Codebreaker, and going on wacky space adventures in her free time, as seen in her hologram in The Last Jedi. Mature ENTPs can add a large amount of wisdom to variety of experiences they’ve seen in their long lives, and it’s no wonder the screen sizzles when Maz is on it.

ROGUE ONE

Jyn Erso: ISFP It’s becoming a real trend, isn’t it? Female ISFPs in Star Wars? Never tell me the odds! Jyn Erso, like many other ISFPs, exhibits a “once burned, twice shy” mentality that often causes her to be reluctant to declare loyalty to anyone or even be involved in conflict. Like The Dude (an ISFP) from The Big Lebowski, and almost all other ISFPs, Jyn Erso doesn’t want to take a stake in any side of any conflict. She just wants her dad.

Cassian Andor: ISTJ It’s a pretty simple conclusion that Cassian Andor happens to be an ISTJ. As a higher ranking official in the Rebel Alliance (I presume?), it’s no wonder that he wants to follow orders first and foremost and eliminate Galen Erso, because his very own Si-Te is on overdrive. But then, the Fi hits. Oh, what the hell, Rogue One it is. Hello, Scarif!

K-2SO: INTP He’s the droid with the sassy wit! He’s gotta be ENTP, right? Nah, I think K2 is an INTP. Because most of his dialogue and humor revolves around skepticism, I’m going to stereotypically label him as an INTP. It just seems right, and I’m getting quite lazy right now.

Orson Krennic: ENTJ He’s the director of a project. That almost immediately indicates ExTJ, right? It does. And boy, what a massive amount of Te he has. With the amount of balls it takes for him to stand up to Tarkin, let alone run off to Darth Vader to tattle on him, I would say that it only signifies Krennic as an ENTJ, because an ESTJ would never have those balls unless they were given them by a higher up or through experience (ex. Tarkin). And why does he have Ni? First of all, he has a vision, and he’s sick and tired of a bureaucrat such as Tarkin taking credit for his accomplishments and then also taking control, something the ENTJ never wants to relinquish. And also, he’s got quite the fiery-hot temper.

Galen Erso: INTJ Galen is a bit reserved and dad-like (his purpose in this film too), and very healthy INTJs, like Galen, are kinda like that. He’s a very realistic portrayal of one that’s closer to real life INTJs. That being, his tertiary Fi is well-developed in that he was willing to betray the Empire and build a flaw in the Death Star.

SOLO

Tobias Beckett: ESTP “Didn’t I tell you never to trust anyone, Han?” Spoken like a true ESTP mentor, through tertiary Fe. As TV Tropes would put it, Beckett is another character that exemplifies the “Heel Face Revolving Door” trope, in which the character constantly switches allegiances throughout the story. A common stereotype of many slimy ESTPs are their tendency to switch sides for their own benefit, due to their primary Se and Ti. Just look at Lando in the beginning. That old scoundrel.

Qi’ra: ISTJ While not so mature as a youth on Corellia (is anyone ever, actually?), Qi’ra later comes into her own type over the years as she matures and we get to see her primary Si in action as she makes reasonable, considerable choices amongst the entire Millenium Falcon crew through the film. And Si is one for order and loyalty; that is, until the ISTJs Fi eventually gets the best of them in the second or third act and they have a change of heart. In this case, it’s her turning on Vos.

L3-37: INFP Freedom for droids! Sound like anyone you know? Probably that Social Justice Warrior or extremely passionate Fi-user that you know in real life. You know, like an INFP or an ISFP (morely likely an INFP though). The rest of you that are just as knowledgeable in MBTI, you can fill in the blanks and you’d probably agree with me on this one.

Dryden Vos: ESTJ Again, all he cares about is the money and the pleasures. So, another xSTP crimelord/bounty hunter stereotype? Actually not this time. Initially, I thought he was an ESTP due to this. However, the scene where Beckett reveals his true colors in the con and Vos temporarily offers an implied allegiance to Han to get him, only to turn on him when Beckett leaves, signifies a key difference between the ESTP and the ESTJ. While the ESTP may go forward and stick with the allegiance, the ESTJ will more than likely feign it. And the ESTJ will sometimes do anything and accept any methods to get the job done (tertiary Ne), but ultimately dish out order in the end after the parties and dust have settled, returning to the old status quo (or rarely, starting a new one). To be honest, I’m still thinking about this one. I might go back and change Vos to an ESTP. Who knows, in time.

GENERAL

Darth Plagueis: INTP Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the INTP? I thought not. It’s not a story Enneagram would tell you. It’s an MBTI legend. Darth Plagueis was an INTP so powerful and so wise he could use his primary Ti to influence the midichlorians to create…… life. He had such a knowledge of MBTI that he could even keep the ones he cared about from calling themselves an intuitive when they were a sensor, or convince an INTJ that MBTI was not baloney. The dark side of the INTP is a pathway to many abilities, some consider to be unnatural. Eventually, he became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his Ti, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his ENTJ apprentice MBTI, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

Iden Versio: ISTJ I swear, this series churns out ISTJs like an assembly line. With Iden Versio, I hadn’t played Battlefront II, but I’d only seen a few cutscenes on YouTube to know that she’s another ISTJ. For my reasoning, just like at Cassian Andor above; it’s pretty much the same, except for an even greater amount of tertiary Fi from Versio.

Grand Admiral Thrawn: INTJ And now for the last but not least, most interesting character in the entire saga: Thrawn. And while his type is nothing but obvious, it’s interesting to delve into. Unfortunately, I don’t have all the time in the world to grant him his own separate post, so a paragraph or two will do. As an INTJ, what separates him from an ENTJ is tertiary Fi, and as small as it is, it’s still there. Versus being almost non-existent in unhealthy ENTJs. This allows him a more suave, cool demeanor, almost gentlemanly and noble, versus the ENTJ’s “I’ll only display that attitude because I’m sociable and charismatic, but I won’t be it” demeanor. In the Thrawn trilogy in Legends, Thrawn is more considerate to his subordinates and his partners, such as Jorus C’Boath (giving him Luke Skywalker), than Palpatine ever was to anyone. More often than not, when an INTJ makes a promise, you can bet they’ll stick with it.

CHARACTERS WITHOUT DESCRIPTIONS

Alright now, for the sake of brevity of this article, here are the characters I will not type descriptions for, just because either they explain themselves, they don’t warrant enough of an explanation, they’re minor, or they aren’t as relevant anymore (Legends characters). In regards to

SEQUELS

BB8: ESFP DJ: ESTP Unkar Plutt: ESTJ Lieutenant Connix: ISFJ Admiral Holdo: ISFJ

ORIGINAL TRILOGY

Uncle Owen: ISTJ Aunt Beru: ISFJ Greedo: who knows Lobot: ISTJ Bossk: ESTP Dengar: ISTP Zuckuss: ISTP IG-88: INTJ (even more of an awesome character in Legends) Wicket Warrick: ESFP Nien Nunb: ESFP

ROGUE ONE

Bodhi Rook: ESFJ Chirrut Îmwe: INFP Baze Malbus: ISTJ Saw Gerrera: INFJ

SOLO

Val: ISTJ Rio: ESTP Enfys Nest Leader: INFP

PREQUELS

Watto: ESTJ Sebulba: ESTP Nute Gunray: ESTJ Zam Wessel: ISTJ Captain Tanaka: ISTJ Captain Typho: ISFJ Boss Nass: ESFJ

THE CLONE WARS

Plo Koon: INTJ Luminara Unduli: INFJ Aayla Secura: ESFP Kit Fisto: ENFJ Bariss Offee: INFP Fives: ESFJ Duchess Satine: ENFJ Pre-Viszla: ENTP Quinlan Vos: ESFP

REBELS

Kanan Jarrus: ISFJ Hera Syndulla: ISTJ Sabine: ISFP Zeb Orrelios: ESFP Ezra Bridger: INFP Chopper: ESTP

GENERAL

Bail Organa: ISFJ Mon Mothma: ENFJ Iden Versio: ISTJ

LEGENDS

THRAWN TRILOGY

Mara Jade: ISTP Jorus C’Baoth: ENFJ

JEDI KNIGHT

Kyle Katarn: INFJ Jan Ors: ISFJ Jaden Korr: INFP Rosh Penin: ESFP Jerec: ENFJ Sariss: ISFJ Desann: ENTJ Tavion Axmis: ENFP

THE FORCE UNLEASHED

Galen Marek/Starkiller: ISFP Rahm Kota: ESFJ Juno Eclipse: ISTJ

MISC.

Durge: ESTP Dash Rendar: ESTP Carnor Jax: ENTP

KOTOR

Revan: INTP Darth Malak: ESTJ Darth Bandon: ISFP Bastila Shan: ENFJ Carth Onasi: ISTJ Mission Vao: ISFP Zaalbar: ISFJ Juhani: ISFP Jolee Bindo: INFJ Canderous Ordo: ISTP HK-47: ENTP Kreia: INFJ Darth Sion: ESTP Darth Nihilus: INTP Meetra Surik: ENTP Satele Shan: ENFJ

OLD REPUBLIC/TALES OF THE JEDI

Marka Ragnos: INTJ Naga Sadow: ENTJ Exar Kun: ESFP Nomi Sunrider: ISFJ Ulic Qel-Droma: ENFP

25 ABY - 45 ABY (and others)

Jacen Solo (Darth Caedus): INFP Jaina Solo: ESTP Lumiya: ENTP Vergere: INTP Ben Skywalker: ISFJ Jagged Fel: ESTJ Tahiri Veila: ESFP Anakin Solo: ESFP Abeloth: ENTP

LEGACY

Darth Krayt: INTJ Darth Talon: ISTP Darth Wyyrlok: ENTJ Cade Skywalker: ESTP Ania Solo: ISFP K’Kruhk: ISTP Darth Wredd: ENTJ

MBTI CHART

Key = Bold - Important (separate article), Italics - Major, Asterisk - Legends

ESFJ: Padme Amidala, C3PO, Bodhi Rook, Boss Nass, Fives, Rahm Kota* ISFJ: Chewbacca, Rose Tico, Admiral Holdo, Kanan Jarrus, Bail Organa, Captain Typho, Zaalbar*, Nomi Sunrider*, Jan Ors*, Sariss*, Ben Skywalker* ISTJ: Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker, Captain Phasma, Qi’ra, Captain Rex, Wedge Antilles, Cassian Andor, Iden Versio, Baze Malbus, Uncle Owen, Lobot, Val, Zam Wessel, Captain Tanaka, Hera Syndulla, Carth Onasi*, Juno Eclipse* ESTJ: Leia Organa, General Grievous, Dryden Vos, General Hux, Tarkin, Unkar Plutt, Nute Gunray, Watto, Darth Malak*, Jagged Fel* ESFP: Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron, Jar-Jar Binks, BB8, Zeb Orrelios, Aayla Secura, Quinlan Vos, Wickett Warrick, Nien Nunb, Exar Kun*, Tahiri Veila*, Anakin Solo*, Rosh Penin* ISFP: Rey, Asajj Ventress, Jyn Erso, Sabine, Galen Marek/Starkiller*, Mission Vao*, Juhani*, Ania Solo*, Darth Bandon* ESTP: Lando Calrissian, Tobias Beckett, Jabba the Hutt, Hondo Ohnaka, Bossk, DJ, Rio, Sebulba, Chopper, Cade Skywalker*, Durge*, Dash Rendar*, Jaina Solo*, Darth Sion* ISTP: Han Solo, Darth Maul, Boba Fett, Jango Fett, Savage Opress, Cad Bane, Zuckuss, Dengar, Mara Jade*, Canderous Ordo*, Darth Talon*, K’Kruhk* ENFJ: Obi Wan Kenobi, Duchess Satine, Kit Fisto, Mon Mothma, Jorus C’Baoth*, Bastila Shan*, Satele Shan*, Jerec* ENFP: Finn, Qui-Gon Jinn, Ahsoka Tano, Ulic Qel-Droma*, Tavion Axmis* INFP: Luke Skywalker, L3-37, Chirrut Îmwe, Enfys Nest Leader, Ezra Bridger, Bariss Offee, Jacen Solo/Darth Caedus*, Jaden Korr* INFJ: Yoda, Count Dooku, Mother Talzin, Saw Gerrera, Luminara Unduli, Kyle Katarn*, Jolee Bindo*, Kreia* ENTP: R2-D2, Maz Kanata, Pre-Viszla, HK-47*, Meetra Surik*, Lumiya*, Carnor Jax*, Abeloth*, Darth Wyyrlok* INTP: K2-SO, Darth Plagueis, Revan*, Darth Nihilus*, Vergere* ENTJ: Sheev Palpatine, Orson Krennic, Snoke, Mace Windu, Naga Sadow*, Desann*, Darth Wredd* INTJ: Thrawn, Galen Erso, IG-88, Plo Koon, Darth Krayt*, Marka Ragnos*

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bartsugsy · 6 years

Text

why the ‘aaron gets kidnapped’ storyline of 2018 was perfect robron content and if you don’t think so you’re objectively wrong and yes i know the definition of objective bc someone already told me

hello spoons welcome to a post i like to call ‘im right’ strap in u sausages i love u

in this post i will argue the existence and also beauty of the storyline, in the beautiful and haunting year of 2018, in which our hero aaron gets fuckin kidnapped straight off the street by some punk named sid and then our other hero robert has to go and get his husband back

it’s underrated bc it can never be rated enough and also bc some people weren’t particularly enamoured by it and i’m here to tell u why ur all incorrect

and i know this because i have a degree in correctness check it out

oNTO THE POST ABOUT WHY THIS STORYLINE IS ART

we open with robert walking down a street

technically we open with other stuff that happened before this but im getting right down to the goods i have a point to make

SO robert is walking down the street when he SUDDENLY gets a video call from aaron

and he’s like weird how aaron is video calling me right now he never does this unless it’s 2am and we’ve been separated for more than 12 hours wow

but it’s AARON TIED TO A CHAIR LOOKING SAD AND DISTRESSED

BC SID WANTS MONEY AND EXPLOITING AARON’S RICH ASS HUSBAND IS THE ONLY WAY HE KNOWS HOW TO DO IT

AND FRANKLY IT WORKED SO I CAN ONLY COMMEND HIM FOR KNOWING ROBERT’S WEAKNESS

AARON

SO ROBERT IS LIKE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

SEES THAT HIS HUBBY LOVE OF HIS LIFE MAN OF HIS DREAMS

HAS BEEN

TAKEN

robert is not happy about this and goes to the only two people he reasonably thinks can help, cain and moira

which seems right, i think u will agree

anyway stuff happens, they dont know how to get aaron back, time is running out

and honestly

this is where beautiful thing #1 happens

1. robert isn’t willing to risk aaron’s life for the sake of money

they’ve come so far

and like ok we already knew that and frankly we knew that from the lodge days when he couldn’t kill aaron even tho he knew it would be the end of life as he knew it, with all his money and power, to let him go

bc rob isn’t really about that highfalutin murderin’ lifestyle really even tho he really does love money a whole lot

he just loves aaron more

SO ROBBO IS OUT HERE LIKE UM I’M NOT JUST GONNA

SIT AROUND

AND WAIT FOR AARON TO BE BRUTALLY MURDERED CAIN

I’M GONNA PAY THIS MAN THE MONEY AND GET MY HUSBAND BACK BC FRANKLY THEY COULD ASK FOR THE DEED TO SATURN AND I’D FIND A WAY TO GET IT FOR THEM

so robert RUNS OFF and works out how much money he has and just so we know

PEOPLE JUST SO WE KNOW

robert does not have enough money he spent that shit on legal fees trying to save his fuckin little crime-susceptible family

so robert, priorities in order (aaron > other things), goes to the only person he knows with fuck loads of dispensible cash

his mortal enemy for the three months that the show cared about that story

joseph loseph tate

NOW JOSEPH AND ROBERT’S ANTAGONISTIC RELATIONSHIP WAS, IF U WILL RECALL, BASED 99% ON THEIR OWN FUCKING DESIRE TO BE PROUD AND/OR SMUG IN ONE ANOTHER’S GENERAL DIRECTION

SURE THEY TRIED TO FUCK ONE ANOTHER OVER

BUT MOSTLY IT ALL BOILED DOWN TO JUST WANTING TO MAKE THE OTHER LOOK LIKE A LOSER

men are so dumb oh my godddd

AND LO THIS BRINGS US TO REASON NUMBER TWO WHY THIS STORYLINE IS PERFECT

2. robert puts aside all his fucking pride to save his husband

HE MARCHES UP TO JOE AND IS LIKE OK MAKE ME A FUCKING DEAL

JOE, BEING A LOVELESS DEMON, EXPLOITS THIS MOMENT FOR ALL HE CAN, DEMANDING BOTH ROBERT’S CUT OF HOME JAMES AND THE MILL, JUST BC HE ENJOYS THE IDEA OF BRINGING ROBERT NEEDLESSLY TO HIS KNEES AND TAKING AWAY ALL OF HIS POTENTIAL POWER

I SPENT HALF OF LAST WEEKEND WATCHING CUTTHROAT KITCHEN WITH @snowbasttien AND IF ANYTHING IT TAUGHT ME THAT MONEY IS POWER IF U KNOW HOW TO USE IT (AND THAT WHILE PEOPLE MAY COME INTO THE SHOW BELIEVING THAT THEY ARE A DOM, IF DADDY ALTON IS AROUND THEN NO ONE LEAVES A DOM)

JOE CUTTHROAT KITCHENED THIS BITCH TO HELL

AND ROB WAS JUST LIKE

YEP

WORTH IT

THUS GIVING US THING NUMBER THREE

3. robert has spent his entire adult life fighting for jobs that give him power and being incredibly invested in his own business(es) and he gave that all up in one fucking second for aaron’s life

LOOK THIS WHOLE STORYLINE WAS ABOUT ROBERT SACRIFICING ALL OF THE SHIT HE WORKED TOWARDS FOR HIS ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE FOR AARON’S SAFETY WITHOUT EVEN GIVING IT A SECOND THOUGHT, OR BEING RESENTFUL ABOUT IT, OR BEING UPSET ABOUT IT

HE DIDN’T CARE

ROBERT’S IDEAS OF WHAT POWER AND VALUE ARE MEAN NOTHING IN THE FACE OF WHAT AARON IS TO HIM

I DONT KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY EXPLAIN HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS IS IN CONTRAST TO EVERYTHING ROBERT USED TO BE

AARON CHANGED HIS WHOLE FUCKIN LIFE AND ROBERT WOULDN’T WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY

ALSO HE MADE THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY HOMELESS

ROBERT, AARON AND TWO KIDS

WITH NO HOME

BECAUSE FRANKLY ROBERT DIDN’T STOP EVEN ONCE TO THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES BEYOND ‘AARON ISN’T GOING TO DIE’

dumbass

i’ve said this many times before and i’ll say it again: i love aaron but the mill has a beautiful side garden and a wine fridge.

i would have let that bitch die.

SO ROBERT

BC HE LOVES AARON AND LITERALLY JUST WANTED HIM BACK

AND HAD NO DESIRE TO RISK NOT FINDING THE MONEY BUT INSTEAD PURSUING A SNEAKIER PLAN TO SAVE HIM

SELLS HIS ENTIRE LIFE AN D SOUL TO JOSEPH AND GOES TO FIND AARON

he looks scared but luckily cain POPS A FUCKIN SHOTGUN OUTTA NOWHERE BC OF COURSE HE FUCKING DOES

COIRA ARE REALLY OUT HERE

DOING THE MOST

COIRA WOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN THEMSELVES IN THIS SITUATION THAT’S FOR DAMN DIDDLY SURE

rob gets aaron back and loses his money, job and house all at once but he doesn’t even care he just wants to stand in this forest and grip onto aaron in peace and never let him go

THE NEXT DAY aaron has discovered exactly how robert managed to get so much money together at such short notice

and he’s NOT PARTICULARLY ABOUT IT because

aaron understands that the mill is perfect

aaron values his family having a home over his own life tbh

he also loves the wine fridge

HE AND ROBERT DISCUSS THIS AND AARON IS LIKE NOPE SORT IT THE FUCK OUT ROBERT IM NOT HAVING IT

WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN

WHICH IS FRANKLY FAIR!! BUT THEN!!!!

THEN WE GET TO THE SCENE WHERE ROBERT IS SIGNING OVER HIS SHIT TO JOE

AND AARON IS THERE

BUT HE’S NOT SAYING A DAMN WORD, HE’S JUST SITTING THERE SILENTLY IN SUPPORT OF ROBERT’S LUNACY

BC SOMETIMES BEING MARRIED MEANS BEING A UNITED FRONT

A LIL TEAM

EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T REALLY AGREE WITH WHAT’S HAPPENING, BUT HAVE SAID UR PEACE IN PRIVATE

SOMETIMES THAT’S A THING

JOE IS STANDING THERE BEING A SMUG AND SHIT BC HE’S WON~

AND ROBERT LOOKS MISERABLE AND READY TO SIGN AWAY HIS EVERY ASSET

AND THEN!!!!

and then joe makes a fuckin mistake

JOE LOOKS AT AARON, WHO IS SITTING IN A SILENTLY MENACING WAY PROBABLY, WATCHING THIS SHIT GO DOWN AND JOE IS LIKE

LOL IS UR DUMB ANIMAL BOYFRIEND TALK TO STUPID TO FORM SENTENCES

and like

robert ain’t about people insulting aaron in his presence

so he fuckin just

tears that contract up right there and then

and refuses to sign the mill over to joe

LEGIT IT JUST LIKE NOPE BIG MISTAKE FUCK U

and aaron

AARON POWER MOVE DINGLE

JUST SITS THERE SILENTLY AND SMILES

IT’S AN ICONIC MOMENT DONT FUCK WITH ROBRON OR THEY WILL LITERALLY KILL U THANKS FOR UR TIME

ANYWAY

THIS IS WHY OBJECTIVELY THIS STORYLINE IS PERFECT

BC IT’S ABOUT ROBERT BEING A LUNATIC FOR AARON

AND THAT KIND OF CONTENT FOR ROBRON ADDS YEARS TO MY LIFE

YEARS

IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT THESE SCENES?

LESSER

WORTHLESS

TERRIBLE

THANKS FOR LISTENING I HOPE U APPRECIATE THAT I AM IN FACT, IN THIS AND ALL THINGS

CORRECT.

THE END XOXO

#robron #i didnt even rewatch these eps to write this and i dont care #fact checking is for losers #and i as we have establish only win

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lonelypond · 6 years

Text

Casual Lunacy, Ch. 43

NicoMaki, Love Live, 2.2K, 43/?

Tuesday’s Gray, Part 2

Every day, Kashima’s arrival in the dressing room stopped all progress as the actress playing Lucy and two of the three Sisters would jostle for position, giggling and pleading for Kashima to lace their bodices. Kashima, while not the most ept at the task, was always willing to try. And then Kotori or Anju or Nico or Eli would have to undo the damage.

Kashima was having her own problems today. No matter what she did, her collar would not lie properly. With a sigh, she glanced in the mirror, hands clumsy. This would all have been fixed if Kotori had just agreed to the cape. Kashima didn’t need special effects to convince the audience of Dracula’s mesmerizing powers and sure the lighting was cool, but if she just had a cape for swooping around the stage like a bat, how much better would the audience be able to visualize the full potential of the King Of Vampires. Working in the howl had filled out her portrayal, if only she’d had as much support from the costumers.

“Kashima.” A breathy voice whispered as a hand slid across her shoulder. Kashima smiled as she recognized the flowy caramel colored hair. Anju. A sympathetic costumer. Unlike Kotori.

“These wing collar tips feel grounded.” Kashima groaned. “And I still want a cape.”

Anju flipped them, “Not enough starch.”

“Starch?”

“Spray starch. If you take off your shirt, I’ll fix it.” Anju undid Kashima’s top button with a flirtatious smile but Kashima’s only reaction was to pop the rest of the snaps in a rough haste that made the seamstress in Anju wince. Right, this was Kashima, flattery was the way to win the field.

Anju hummed as she helped Kashima out of the shirt, “We can’t have anything drawing attention away from the way you get Dracula’s fierce hunger down to the bone.”

Kashima leaned in, looming over Anju’s neck, drawing her lips back, as if she already had her fangs in, “I skip dinner.”

Anju folded the shirt over her arm as Kashima sat with a sigh, “I can’t get you a cape. Kotori is so stubborn…” she let a hint of complaint invite Kashima to confide.

“I know. I have a vision for the character and the costume designer needs to respect that.” Kashima turned her head to smile as Sister #2 headed backstage.

“She really should.” Anju tugged the shoulder of Kashima’s tank top and let her voice swoon into the confidential range, “But I have an idea that’ll really make an impression on the audience, if you want to take a chance.”

Kashima’s eyes gleamed as Anju leaned in to whisper.

Maki stared at the ceiling, Nico had left but NICO was still everywhere, smug, confident, bouncing, sexy, demanding….breathless, Maki was still breathless and positive her legs would give out if she tried to stand.

“I can’t believe we did that.” She whispered to the ceiling, which had seen everything, but offered no explanation for Nico’s sudden....territorial tendencies.

“No-zooom-i” Nico’s voice dragged out Nozomi’s name shrilly as the future star of stage and screen leaned over the back of the seat next to Nozomi, “Maki’ll be here in a bit. Remember, no touching.” Nico patted Nozomi on the head as if she were a child and then flounced toward the stage to check her props, smug confidence in every rapid motion. Nozomi raised an eyebrow. What had Nico done with her girlfriend? Nozomi had gotten the impression that Nico was nervous about Maki watching Fangs, but there she was, pulling herself up onstage with the energy of three people and a smile that could outshine the downtown lights. Nozomi pulled out her cards. A little insight into how to treat Nico’s changeable girlfriend might be of benefit. King of Rods, reversed. Judgement. The Lovers. Of course, The Lovers. Nico was certainly at least half of a very volatile situations and surely, adding in a touch of lunar sensitivity intensified the mood. Judgement signalled choices would be made.

Nico was anxious for her cue, for the lights to start. Mina was a dream role, the real center of the play. She was the first onstage, the first speaker, the actual heart of the play, the woman who struggled so hard to save both friend and fiancé, the only one to defy Dracula, suffering the bite, but not bending under the threat, still holding on long enough to outlast him, to see her predator destroyed. MINA would have been a nice title for the play, but it was always about the men, or, in Kashima’s case, those who could use the tropes of masculinity to their advantage, who caught the attention. Although, Nico admitted, Fangs could also mean the Sisters and Lucy, poor Lucy, done in by Dracula and barely able to menace a baby. Nico shivered at the thought, suddenly grateful she had a nice, warm girlfriend with friendly, flirty fangs to curl up with when nightmares happened, when Kashima’s face, dark and hollow loomed from every shadow as Nico fled across a campus suddenly strange to her. Shaking herself out of that thought, Nico wondered if Maki had found her way to the theatre yet. The 5 minute call. Time to go over her opening lines in her head, Mina’s first letter to Lucy, ranging from the buoyant, friendly flirtatious optimism of “Forgive my long delay in writing, but I have been simply overwhelmed with work. The life of an assistant schoolmistress is sometimes trying. I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air” to the later concern laced with enough grim overtones that the audience feels a shiver up their neck, ‘I have just had a few hurried lines from Jonathan from Transylvania...I am longing to hear all his news. It must be nice to see strange countries. I wonder if we -- I mean Jonathan and I -- shall ever see them together.” So much foreshadowing in one short line. Nico was thrilled to have such material to play with. She knew that by the end of each performance, the audience would be Team Heroine, cheering Mina, thanks to the deft portrayal by the queen of both smile and nuance herself, Nico.

“Hi.” Maki slid warily into the seat one down from Nozomi, red hair hidden under the gray hood of her Northwestern sweatshirt. No coat. Werewolves must run hot. Nozomi sniggered and Maki stared, eyes mostly shadowed, but Nozomi could see a glint of green glow.

“Hello, Maki. Welcome to Fangs. I’m Nozomi, your tour guide. Right now, the actors are getting into costume and doing hair and makeup. We’ve already checked props, light, sound and are now just waiting for the 7 o’clock start.”

Maki nodded, slouching.

“Did Nico-chi feed you or do you want a cookie?” Nozomi held out a small bag, full of no longer warm chocolate chip cookies lifted from the cafeteria. Maki’s hood fell back a little, Nozomi thought the redhead tired, a bit out of it as her hand reached for a cookie.

“So, having trouble sharing Nico?” Nozomi inquired, timed precisely to Maki biting down into her treat, then spewing cookie crumbs everywhere.

“What?” Maki rose, leaning over the seat between them, “how did you...what...did Nico say…that’s not...that’s.”

Nozomi waved a hand, “Calm down. The cards tell me these things.” A wink, “Didn’t Nico warn you about that?”

Maki pulled her hood back up, sulking.

“And I heard some interesting after karaoke stories.” Nozomi thought she heard a snarl. “So when Nico bopped in here, cheerful, and you weren’t with her, I was…” Nozomi wondered if Maki would react badly to the honesty of curious, “Concerned.”

A slight head movement in her direction told Nozomi the redhead was listening, “So I drew cards for you.” No response, so Nozomi barrelled right through her points, “Even if you were acting selfishly, that’s the Reversed King of Rods for you, always wanting things, that’s still a valid part of you, so accept it and get better. Judge yourself worthy.” Nozomi paused again. Still nothing. She was used to having a much more reactive audience. Maki was not going to be nearly as much fun to tease as Nico or Umi. “I pulled The Lovers again for you and Nico.”

Maki moved another seat away. Nozomi considered and moved to the seat next to Maki, offering another cookie, “I just want Nico to be happy. Don’t you?”

Maki sniffed at the cookie, considering. This time her voice was more confident, “It’s not really any of your business.” Maki took the cookie, watching Nozomi warily.

Nozomi winked, “You need to make your own choices, Maki, not go where Nico…”

Maki stood, about to storm out of the row, possibly out of the theatre, and then Nico would want to know what had happened. Nozomi grabbed the hem of Maki’s hoodie, “I really am just trying to help, Maki. Nico’s never really let anyone this close before. I’m just getting used to it.”

Maki turned, pushing the hood back, eyes narrow, mouth in a sexy, near feral snarl Kashima would have killed to be able to do, “It’s not for you to get used to. You may be Nico’s friend, but we don’t know each other.” Maki relaxed enough that the aggressive aura faded, “I’m getting used to this too and I don’t want to disappoint Nico. I didn’t ask you for advice. Please don’t push me.”

Nozomi nodded and sat back.

Maki dropped into the last seat in the row, leaving her backpack in the seat next to her, ignoring Nozomi, munching sullenly on the next cookie Nozomi handed her.

Maki was still too sensitive to her environment. Nico had ruthlessly activated every nerve and sense pathway she could reach, leaving Maki too open to sensations. And then, Nozomi, with Maki too aware of exactly how attractive Nozomi found her and everyone else with curves in the theatre. Eli was probably fortunate not to have werewolf senses. Maki was still in enough of a Nico haze that that just triggered more of a longing to just forget everything and steal away with Nico, which led to grumpiness and not dealing well with Nozomi’s impertinence. How did Nico handle that? Cloying and concern in equal mix with annoying and nosy. Maki was too used to guarding her privacy, keeping things hidden away. She was not going to turn into a person who had casual conversations about lycanthropy in the middle of a bustling theatre person. She had too much at risk and now with Nico, too much to lose.

Erena was back in the costume room with Anju, sitting on a table, kicking her leg back and forth, waiting for Tsubasa to be finished with her second act cues. Anju was working on several repairs, sewing machine motor purring as she slid the fabric under the needle. Kotori was in the theatre tonight, making notes about any changes she still needed to make.

Erena glanced at her phone. She had developed an app that alerted her to spikes in strength of the frequencies being transmitted. “It’s definitely the presence of an audience. Yazawa’s got her girlfriend here and her numbers are much stronger than Kashima’s tonight.” Erena pocketed her phone, “Thursday there’s a preview audience so we’ll be able to verify that and plan for surges.”

Anju nodded, finished the repair of the split inseam, “That will be useful.”

Erena stretched, “I’m a fan of as much data as possible.”

Tsubasa opened the door, stepped in and locked it behind her, “It’s getting harder to get any time alone this close to opening. I was here at 4 a.m. this morning and there were 3 people painting.”

“Everything’s already set up, isn’t it?” Anju stood, folding the pants over a hanger.

Tsubasa shook her head, glancing at Erena for support, “I’m afraid we’re going to run out of battery power, since we can’t plug a transmitter into the lighting grid or everything goes down. So we’re relying on the coffin set up.”

“Maybe we could go dark until Friday, get the most out of our equipment without risking anyone getting suspicious if we have to swap out the power.” Erena suggested slowly, curious as to how Anju would react.

The caramel haired woman glanced down at the metal wand Tsubasa had created for her, her fingers sliding across its surface, “Caution…” She frowned, “But what about calculating for surges?”

Tsubasa frowned, “Yeah. We’ve blown so many tubes.”

Erena grabbed a piece of scrap paper, bending over to do some quick calculations, showing the paper to Tsubasa, who read it over and nodded, “Could work. We do know the frequencies.”

“What?” Anju came up behind Erena, leaning over her outreached arm in an attempt to read the paper.

“I could adapt a field strength meter. We’d just have to leave it in the desk or something. Wouldn’t test the equipment but would give us numbers.”

“And if that doesn’t work tomorrow, we do a test run Thursday.” Anju stated, light eyes focused on distant thoughts.

“Agreed.” Erena took her calculations back. “I’ll head back to the office. Tojo can handle things here. Worst case scenario, we try again the next play.”

Anju had no time for that, but she smiled at Erena. Tonight, she was encouraging her allies. That was an easier task than dealing with the suddenly trickster Hanayo Koizumi.

A/N: It’s back

#nicomaki #Casual Lunacy #nishikino maki #yazawa nico #werewolf #college #theatre #coffeeshop #Love Live

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recentanimenews · 3 years

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FEATURE: The Best Action Anime Series For Fans of The Fast and the Furious

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Why It Works. Have you all seen the trailer for the new Fast & Furious movie? As expected, the franchise is continuing its efforts to perpetually one-up its prior incarnations and introduce levels of car-adjacent insanity previously unknown to mankind. The Fast and the Furious began as a relatively straightforward racing franchise, but as the years and entries have built up, it’s moved from races to heists, flying cars, and what I’m pretty sure I’d describe as vehicle-based martial arts, all while insisting it’s ultimately about Family. You could easily describe modern Fast & Furious movies as superhero movies, but I think they feel even more like anime — and in light of that, today I’d like to offer some anime recommendations for all you Fast & Furious fans!

First off, if we’re sticking to anime that’s specifically about racing — and in particular combines that racing with the larger-than-life theatrics you expect from The Fast and the Furious — then your best selections are likely in the movie sphere. If you haven’t seen Redline, it’s an absurdly entertaining and beautifully animated production, where a group of interstellar speedsters conduct a race on “Roboworld,” a militant planet that attempts to destroy them all along the way. For a more vintage production, Riding Bean offers a concise jolt of racing adrenaline as the titular Bean Bandit is chased by cops, criminals, and whatever else the animators can throw at him.

But to be honest, I feel like The Fast and the Furious is more a state of mind than anything specifically to do with driving. It is a magical place where dreams can soar as high as cars and the logic of the universe must make way for the logic of cool stuff happening. In light of that, I think perhaps the most useful The Fast and the Furious recommendation would be Girls und Panzer, a production by the ever-entertaining Tsutoshu Mizushima (SHIROBAKO, Prison School, Witch Craft Works). It may seem like a strange pick, but Girls und Panzer embodies both the perpetual one-upmanship and the strong ensemble focus of The Fast and the Furious, presenting action sequences that proceed with the jubilant energy of a great heist film. Watching tanks trade blows as they screech down the curves of a rollercoaster is probably the closest you’ll get to The Fast and the Furious outside the franchise itself.

The way I see it, The Fast and the Furious is propelled by two irreducible elements: its emphatic, earnest focus on found family bonds, and its exuberant commitment to topping itself every time. As it turns out, anime is positively brimming with shows like that, with none more committed to lunacy than the magnificent Symphogear. Symphogear’s first season features a villain who’s determined to blow up the moon and the show only gets more over-the-top from there as powers are stacked on top of powers, missiles are ridden like surfboards, and ancient artifacts summon unkillable monsters. If your goal is action at its most excessive, Symphogear is a pure embodiment of excess, with a charming cast to boot.

Of course, The Fast and the Furious is also partly driven by the raw machismo of its leading men, which isn’t exactly Symphogear’s specialty — aside from its one-of-a-kind sensei, who survives on a diet of action movies and jerky. So if you’re looking for the one-upmanship and the charming cast bonds in a somewhat manlier package, you couldn’t do much better than Gurren Lagann. Director Hiroyuki Imaishi is essentially the modern successor to Go Nagai's hot-blooded action throne, and in Gurren Lagann, he essentially frames machismo itself as the most powerful force in the universe. If you're looking for a pure celebration of guys being dudes, Gurren Lagann is absolutely happy to provide.

Lastly, I am delighted to recommend one of anime’s most long-lasting institutions, as I’ve recently learned it embodies all the classic tenets of the great Fast and Furydom. I’ve spent the last month and a half or so powering through hundreds of episodes of One Piece, all of which has convinced me that One Piece is an undeniably Fast & Furious-style masterpiece. It’s all there — the preposterous tone, the charming familial bonds, the perpetual one-upmanship … heck, One Piece even finds time for The Fast and the Furious’ heist influences, frequently breaking the team into small groups to pull off One Big Job. From the pure exhilaration of its visual setpieces to the warm trust shared by its crew, One Piece consistently offers thrills to match that of a car using a safe as a kind of car-nunchuck attack.

The Fast and the Furious feels so close to anime already that it’s not too tough finding shows that embody its spirit. I hope some of my choices can entertain you in the lead-up to the next film, and please let me know what other shows you’d recommend in the comments!

Nick Creamer has been writing about cartoons for too many years now and is always ready to cry about Madoka. You can find more of his work at his blog Wrong Every Time, or follow him on Twitter.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Nick Creamer

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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maleenhancementmd · 4 years

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brentrogers · 5 years

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Podcast: I Fear My Spouse Will Abandon Me

Do you struggle with abandonment fears? Do you worry your partner will suddenly ditch you even though there’s no real reason to feel this way? In today’s Not Crazy podcast, Gabe opens up about his own deep-rooted fear that his wife will decide she doesn’t want him anymore. After all, he concludes, what does he have to offer her? I mean, surely she can do better. And even though he knows these fears are unfounded and irrational, he feels helpless in stopping them.

How can Gabe get these thoughts under control? Tune in to hear Jackie give some great advice to her dear friend, and for anyone dealing with abandonment issues.

(Transcript Available Below)

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

About The Not Crazy Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from Gabe Howard. To learn more, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Jackie Zimmerman has been in the patient advocacy game for over a decade and has established herself as an authority on chronic illness, patient-centric healthcare, and patient community building. She lives with multiple sclerosis, ulcerative colitis, and depression.

You can find her online at JackieZimmerman.co, Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Computer Generated Transcript for “Spouse Abandonment” Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to Not Crazy, a Psych Central podcast. And here are your hosts, Jackie Zimmerman and Gabe Howard.

Jackie: Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of Not Crazy. I am here with my co-host, Gabe.

Gabe: And of course, I’m here with my co-host, Jackie.

Jackie: And we were talking this morning about something that’s been weighing pretty heavily on your mind, and I thought let’s make this into an episode because that’s our lives. So you’ve been talking a lot about anxiety around the idea of your wife leaving you.

Gabe: It’s true. I don’t know why. And she’s given me no reason to think this. I just I wish. And I know this is kind of a messed up thing to say, but I wish that she gave me a reason to feel this way because then I wouldn’t feel so crazy. We were married almost eight years. There’s no problems. We’re not in the middle of a fight. I just have this gut, gut, visceral, strong feeling that the woman’s gonna leave me.

Jackie: Have you had this feeling in your marriage with Kendall or in any past relationships before?

Gabe: Well, I’m having this feeling in my marriage with Kendall right now.

Jackie: But like previously, like, has this ever happened before?

Gabe: No. No, it’s never happened before with Kendall. It has happened. You know what? No, no. This is the first time I have ever been jealous or had these feelings ever in my life. You know, now that I think about it, no. When all of my other relationships ended, I was completely blindsided. I have always been the dumped, never the dumpee because. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my first marriage, it just turns out women don’t like to be married to untreated bipolars.

Jackie: Weird.

Gabe: And in my my second marriage, we’re still friends, which is weird, but it was messed up.

Jackie: Ok, another thing.

Gabe: Yeah. It’s like memory lane. Thanks. Thanks.

Jackie: You’re welcome. That’s what we’re here for,

Gabe: I get dumped a lot.

Jackie: To make you feel miserable.

Gabe: That’s awesome.

Jackie: But you’re talking about this in therapy, which like Yahoo! for therapy, we know. I love it. What does your therapist say?

Gabe: My therapist likes to do this thing chain analysis, where we know that I have this feeling. So now let’s back up to why I have the feeling so and then when you connect those things, you can work on it. The problem is, is backwards doesn’t lead anywhere. I have this feeling, OK, what’s the one step back? Well, I don’t want my wife to leave me because I love her. OK, what’s the one step back from that? Is she giving you any reason? No. The best that I can come up with is that my wife, she’s beautiful, she’s intelligent. And this is one of the burdens of marrying somebody way younger than you. You know, she was like 26 when we got married. And now she’s not. She’s just achieved so much in the last eight years. And she’s not the same person. And this person is so incredible that it would be lunacy for her to stay with me.

Jackie: What do you bring to your marriage?

Gabe: I mean, I bring bipolar disorder to our marriage, a panic disorder, and anxiety disorder. I mean, those are some pretty nifty things to bring into a marriage.

Jackie: Ok. Right. But what else do you bring to your marriage? Smart ass.

Gabe: Obviously, I do bring things to the marriage, I do all the cooking, I do all the cleaning. I handle like the household organizational tasks, like, you know, the minutia of life is all handled by me. I do bring that to the marriage.

Jackie: Ok. But I’m going to ask you again, what else do you bring to the marriage? Because you basically are like, I’m her personal assistant through all of those things. What else makes your marriage uniquely yours because you’re in it?

Gabe: I just told you I was her personal assistant. I am her personal assistant. I handle all of that stuff for her, which is why it wouldn’t be so big of a loss to lose me. The other day I said to Kendall, If I left, you would have all the same things that you have now except the dog. I’m taking the dog.

Jackie: And she said no. Right?

Gabe: Oh, yeah, yeah. She said no. And it’s sweet, loving, hugged me, kissed me, told me I was wonderful. But come on. What’s she supposed to say? You can’t tell the dude that you’re married to that you’re living with. Yeah, that’s a good point. I could hire all of the things that you do for me and not have to tolerate your dumb ass.

Jackie: Ok. You’re looking at all like literally the physical things that you bring to your marriage. Right. You are there. You do all of these things that are like, I physically exist in the same room as my wife. What you’re not remembering or not seeing or not acknowledging is that you bring more to your marriage than just like the acts you perform. And the reason why this is really important to me personally is because I live with two chronic illnesses, one of which could make me completely physically unable to take care of myself at any moment, literally at any minute. M.S. could be like, you can’t walk anymore. You can’t feed yourself. This is a real fun party. So you bring more to your marriage than just like the acts you perform for her. You offer her companionship. You offer her comedic relief. You offer her emotional support in everything, I’m sure. And well, I’m sure you’re gonna tell me. It doesn’t matter because you’re bipolar, because you detract as much as you give. Blah, blah, blah. You’re failing to see that the root of your marriage is the relationship you have formed with Kendall. And all those other things are like a bonus.

Gabe: I’m not a stupid person. I agree with you. And if the tables were turned, if you were calling me up and you were saying, Gabe, Adam’s going to leave me, I would say all of the things to you that you are now saying to me, and I get it, I get the idea that Kendall is a grown woman. And if she has chosen to be married to me, she obviously wants to be married to me and she is getting something out of it. I don’t know. Maybe I make the best spaghetti. I listen, I honestly don’t know what it is. And I have asked her. I have. I’m like, why would you be married to me? And she’s like, well, my life is never boring. Why is this a priority? What do you mean? Your life is never boring? One, have you looked around? We live in suburbia. All the houses look the same. Our life is as boring as fuck. I just I can’t find that thing. I just. I can’t find that thing.

Jackie: In lieu of turning this into full blown therapy, because as we know, I love therapy, I’m not good at giving it to other people.

Gabe: Are you saying that you’re not a licensed therapist?

Jackie: I am not. And I also don’t know how to therap-ize other people, so

Gabe: Ha ha.

Jackie: I’m just, you know, taking what I’ve learned here. But I would encourage you to go to Kendall and ask her to work, to elaborate. And maybe she’s good in writing, maybe she’s good at talking like speak to her strengths of helping her understand what you bring to your marriage, because I assume that “it’s never boring” is a umbrella statement for a lot of tiny things that are great about you and what you bring to your marriage. But, therapy session over, what is really happening here is a lot of unwarranted anxiety and you’re trying to navigate it. Right?

Gabe: I’m just scared that she’s going to leave and I feel that I need a backup plan for when it happens. And the keyword there being when. I’ve been through two divorces, I had a significant relationship where we lived together, and my biological father took one look at me when I was born and was like, yeah, no. I’ve suffered a lot of loss of people who are alive. And I haven’t even gotten into the loss I’ve suffered from people who have passed away. And I’ve lost a lot of people, relationships, jobs, social status from living with bipolar disorder. So loss is just ingrained. It’s just ingrained into me. In fact, I firmly believe that I have lost more people than I have gained. And what happens when Kendall is one of them? I don’t want to be caught with my pants down. That’s not a double entendre. I just I sincerely mean, I just, I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to call my mom and dad and tell them that I blew another marriage. I don’t want to reach over in the middle of the night and have nobody be there. And I want to know how to protect myself from that happening, because if she goes away, that’s going to happen to me. That’s going to happen to me again. And I don’t know that I can get through it for a 15th time.

Jackie: Oh, I have so many things I want to say, and most of them are encouraging. First and foremost, like, you know, that you will get through it because evidence of your life has shown that you have gotten through it. Every time you survived. Right. It may not have been pretty, but you did it. You’re still here. All those other losses did not destroy you to the point of no return. I know you’re gonna want to like say well, but, you know, I did get admitted, blah, blah, blah. Right? Like all those other things. But like, you’re

Gabe: Yes.

Jackie: Still here.

Gabe: I’m very resilient to being dumped.

Jackie: You’re a functioning human being, you’re on the planet. You have survived everything so far. Right or wrong?

Gabe: Sure. But, you know, come on, there’s people that have had their limbs hacked off that have survived. I don’t subscribe to this notion that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

Jackie: Oh, I don’t either.

Gabe: There’s lots of things that don’t kill you that make you really fucking weak.

Jackie: Agree, but at the root of it all, you have gotten through all of it, right? It wasn’t fun. You didn’t want to, but you did. You got through all of it. And you currently lead a life that is good and happy and sustainable.

Gabe: And let’s talk about that for a moment. You’re right. This is the best I’ve ever been. And sincerely, that’s part of the problem. This is the best my life has ever been. I am 43 years old. This is the most stable. This is the happiest. This is the healthiest. This is the wealthiest. This is the most in love. This is the everything. I mean, even if we want to, like, turn it into, you know, money equals happiness. Well, I’ve got the biggest house. I’ve got the nicest car and I’ve got the least amount of debt. If you want to turn it into. Oh, it’s the people you know. I know Kendall. Kendall’s amazing. I know you, Jackie. You’re amazing. I have like two best friends. I’m not saying I don’t want more friends. I’m just. We all want more. But if I just take a base look at what I have, it’s the most I ever had. And all I can think of and all that goes through my mind is this is the most I will lose. So when you talk about will I get through it? I don’t know. I’ve never fallen from this height.

Jackie: I’m having a really hard time responding to that because I am, because I’m tearing up, because I relate to it. And looking at a position in my life where I have the most to lose because I am doing well and I am very happy and very loved and successful. But I think that that’s when we start to catastrophize things, when things are going the best. We’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And for you right now, it’s manifesting as Kendall leaving. I’m always thinking about Adam dying. Always. I’m always thinking about Adam dying. And it’s the worst. I’ve never loved anybody so deeply and appreciated their presence in my life so much that I’ve had to think about what does it mean when they’re gone? So I can relate. It’s different, but I can totally relate. But I think that you’re in an important position right now, because now you have to figure out how to not turn this into a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you tell Kendall over and over and over again, you’re going to leave. And then finally she’s like, I can’t handle this anymore. I’m gonna leave, you know?

Gabe: Catastrophizing. Right. It’s making a mountain out of a molehill and, yeah. I know that I’m doing that. Again, the logical part of my brain is absolutely firing on all cylinders. And the second thing is that self-fulfilling prophecy. If I look backwards from this vantage point, I drove people away. I’m not saying that they were 100 percent right and I was 100 percent wrong. It’s never that simple. But I’m just saying that constantly worrying about something and obsessing over it and focusing on it, it does mean that you’re not focusing on the things that keep a relationship healthy and safe. If I look at Kendall and I think what can I do to get you to stay? I’m going to Of Mice and Men her you know?

Jackie: Yes.

Gabe: I’m going to pet the rabbit to death. I don’t want to do that. But when I lay awake at night, it seeps in, and it obviously open communication is a powerful tool for this and it is helping.

Jackie: We’ll be right back after we hear from our sponsors.

Announcer: Interested in learning about psychology and mental health from experts in the field? Give a listen to the Psych Central Podcast, hosted by Gabe Howard. Visit PsychCentral.com/Show or subscribe to The Psych Central Podcast on your favorite podcast player.

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Announcer: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe: And we’re back discussing our fear of losing our spouses.

Jackie: Have you talked to Kendall about all of this?

Gabe: One hundred percent. This episode is not going to shock her in any way. I’ve told her how I feel. We’ve talked about it a lot and that has helped. Like that is probably the biggest defense in all of this. Previously, I just internalized it 100 percent and I answered my own questions, which frankly is just a jerk move, right? When you’re having conversations with another person and you’re speaking for them and they don’t even know the conversation is going on like that just makes you a jackass. So I have these fears and I just said to Kendall, I feel like you’re going to leave me. And she, of course, said, I’m not going to leave you. Why do you think that way? And I told her why. I imagine for you it’s a little harder, Jackie, because I don’t know if you’ve told Adam that you’re afraid he’s going to die, but it’s obviously a lot more difficult for him to reassure you. And that does make me wonder, like, what has been your tactic for this? Because like you said, you’re at the highest point of your life as well.

Jackie: I have talked to Adam about this, and honestly, the most reassuring moments, you can’t reassure somebody you’re not going to die, right?

Gabe: Right.

Jackie: This isn’t Captain America.

Gabe: Yeah.

Jackie: Where you’re like, I promise I will never die. But he said to me, I think about that, too, because I thought it was just me just panicking, like worst case scenario. When’s the shoe gonna drop? What if he dies? What do I do? How will I ever get through this? And he told me he thinks about it, too, which is weirdly comforting. It doesn’t solve anything for either of us, but it was like he feels the same way about his life. He’s afraid of losing what we’ve got too. And again, these are different scenarios. But I think the difference between where you and Kendall are right now is that Kendall is not afraid that you’re going to leave because she’s super, super confident in where you’re at and she believes in what you have. And I’m not saying that you don’t. But I’m saying that like you’ve got some life experience and some internal doubt. Probably maybe there’s some internal conflict. Maybe you’re –

Gabe: I have abandonment issues out the wazoo. I mean, just let’s call a spade a spade. This has nothing to do with Kendall. I have unresolved abandonment issues that have gone unchallenged for way too long and became a thing.

Jackie: So check, check, check. You know, the root of all this. And you know that like you’re projecting this, you’re kind of putting this on her. Of I feel this way. I’m afraid of this. And it’s manifesting into like what I think you’re going to do about it. I am always going to tell you to keep going to therapy, because I think that, like, therapy is the best place that I’ve worked out my abandonment issues and even I’ve even talked about like, I’m afraid Adam’s going to die. And basically, what I learned, the quiet thing that people who are happily married don’t talk about is we’re all afraid our spouses are going to die like any minute. The second I started talking about that was the first time I had multiple people be like, oh, yeah, I think about this all the time. And I was like, oh, that’s what marriage is. Constantly being afraid that your favorite person in the whole world is going to die, which is, you know, awful. It’s a bad commercial for marriage, but it shows how much you value that person. And I think like that’s the root of this, right? You value Kendall, you want her around and you add in abandonment issues, especially ones that have not been tackled into probably something very tiny. I’m sure there was a catalyst and it was something so small. You either didn’t realize it or it seemed mundane. And it has slowly started to build into a full blown divorce. And that’s the kind of shit that ruins marriages. You know?

Gabe: Jackie, I think about these things a lot because of our job, right, it’s our job to research all of these concepts, to put together shows and to figure out what part of our personal lives we’re going to discuss and what part of our personal lives we’re not going to discuss. And where’s the gray area and what’s too far and what’s not enough? And we lead very open lives. And on one hand, that’s great because I want to educate people. But on the other hand, you know, sometimes I get email and they’re like, oh, my God, your marriage is so perfect. I wish I could have your marriage. And I think to myself, my marriage isn’t perfect. Kendall’s going to leave me at any moment, which is completely manufactured in my head. And then I tell people that and I talk to people in support groups or just, you know, out and about when I’m speaking or whatever. And people will say to me, I want your marriage. I’m like, well, listen, you know, my marriage isn’t perfect. You know, we fight about the dishes. You know, we have to discuss how to spend money. It’s just the world is not the Internet. Facebook is your best self. Instagram is your best pictures. There are no double chins on Instagram. Everything’s filtered, and I think that’s part of my problem, too. I honestly believe that my grandparents have a better marriage than they probably do because my grandparents aren’t going to fight in front of the kids. They’re not going to sit me down and say, hey, we had this conflict back in 1922. You know, I don’t know what they’re fighting about, but it’s their personal relationship. So we’re comparing everybody’s public self to our private self. And I think that tolls on me as well, because I’m just constantly looking at other people’s marriages and deciding that mine is bad, which is only going to end in disaster.

Jackie: As your friend right now, I want to tell you all the things I’m supposed to tell you, right? Like, Gabe, you know that’s not right. You can rationalize your way through this. You can talk to Kendall. You can, you know, everything that I’m supposed to say right now. So let’s pretend, like, I said all that stuff, because I want to and I mean it. But I mean, the reality is like sometimes specifically with anxiety, you can rationalize your way through it to your blue in the face, but it doesn’t make it go away. It’s still there.

Gabe: One of the best books that I ever read was by a gentleman named Dr. Gleb Tipursky, and he wrote a book called Never Go With Your Gut. Now he wrote it in the sense of business. You know, if you’re making a business decision based on your gut, that’s stupid. And he gives many, many examples. But one of the examples that he gives is that the reason that people get conned is because they’re trusting their gut. Con men are really good at making you excited, making you feel good. You know, they don’t talk about the $10,000 you have to send the Iranian prince. They talk about how you’re going to spend the hundred thousand dollars that they’re going to send back and they get you excited about that. You feel really good to get this influx of money and to help your family. And your gut is telling you this is fantastic and it overrides the logical part of your brain that says, hey, you’re sending $10,000 to a stranger in another country. There’s a lot of that here that I think is just exceptionally powerful for all of us to remember and all of us to know. Our gut lies just because something feels good doesn’t make it good. And taking that pause to remember, Kendall loves me. I think we can all be smarter in remembering that. And I really think that that is the best way forward.

Jackie: It’s really easy to get caught in the cycle in your brain of like this will happen and then this will happen and then, and you get in this incredible downward spiral where you’re at rock bottom in like four seconds. You’re like, wow, my life is shit now. Even when none of those things have happened. And it’s really hard to come out of it because now you’ve convinced yourself it’s gonna happen no matter what. One of the things that I do, I will take it to the worst case scenario to see what happens. And almost every time I’m still alive at the end of it, which is a silver lining, I guess maybe my life is terrible, but I’m still alive. So I’ve got that. But another thing that I do that is probably less depressing is I will journal out the good things. I practice gratitude. I try to do three a day in a tiny journal. I’m not very good at it, but I do think about it. And it’s almost always, I’m so grateful for Adam, I’m so grateful he’s in my life. And sometimes it just ends up being writing those positive things over and over and over again. A page of like, I’m so happy. I’m so grateful. Everything is fine. I will be okay. And even if it only solves it for like thirty five seconds, it’s still thirty five seconds that I don’t feel like the biggest pile of shit on the planet.

Gabe: And it’s important to remember that thirty five seconds is a lot and it’s forward progress and it’s forward momentum. Listen. Am I going to become the happiest person tomorrow? Probably not. But I really do think that I can do better. And, Jackie, of course, obviously, you’ve been talking to me about this for weeks and we didn’t have to talk about this on the air. So kudos for suggesting that you get paid for it.

Jackie: Yeah, I know I’m a genius, right? But part of it also, though, is what we do. There is a level of forced vulnerability, right? We could not talk about any of this. We could just keep it all behind the scenes and do like uplifting pop culture reference shows. But that’s not real and that’s not the show that we wanted to do. So, right back at you, like you chose to share this part. And I think it’s important.

Gabe: Thanks, Jackie. And hey, listeners, we got Not Crazy stickers. If you want some, e-mail [email protected] and we’ll tell you how to go about it. Stay tuned after all of the credits because we always put funny stuff there. And finally, wherever you downloaded this podcast, please subscribe. Please rank. Please review. Share us on social media. Email us to a friend. Hey, if you have a social circle and you’re all at dinner, tell them about the Not Crazy podcast. Jackie and I would consider it a personal favor.

Jackie: We’ll see you all next week.

Podcast: I Fear My Spouse Will Abandon Me syndicated from

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erraticfairy · 5 years

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Podcast: I Fear My Spouse Will Abandon Me

How can Gabe get these thoughts under control? Tune in to hear Jackie give some great advice to her dear friend, and for anyone dealing with abandonment issues.

(Transcript Available Below)

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

About The Not Crazy Podcast Hosts

You can find her online at JackieZimmerman.co, Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Computer Generated Transcript for “Spouse Abandonment” Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to Not Crazy, a Psych Central podcast. And here are your hosts, Jackie Zimmerman and Gabe Howard.

Jackie: Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of Not Crazy. I am here with my co-host, Gabe.

Gabe: And of course, I’m here with my co-host, Jackie.

Jackie: Have you had this feeling in your marriage with Kendall or in any past relationships before?

Gabe: Well, I’m having this feeling in my marriage with Kendall right now.

Jackie: But like previously, like, has this ever happened before?

Jackie: Weird.

Gabe: And in my my second marriage, we’re still friends, which is weird, but it was messed up.

Jackie: Ok, another thing.

Gabe: Yeah. It’s like memory lane. Thanks. Thanks.

Jackie: You’re welcome. That’s what we’re here for,

Gabe: I get dumped a lot.

Jackie: To make you feel miserable.

Gabe: That’s awesome.

Jackie: But you’re talking about this in therapy, which like Yahoo! for therapy, we know. I love it. What does your therapist say?

Jackie: What do you bring to your marriage?

Gabe: I mean, I bring bipolar disorder to our marriage, a panic disorder, and anxiety disorder. I mean, those are some pretty nifty things to bring into a marriage.

Jackie: Ok. Right. But what else do you bring to your marriage? Smart ass.

Jackie: And she said no. Right?

Jackie: In lieu of turning this into full blown therapy, because as we know, I love therapy, I’m not good at giving it to other people.

Gabe: Are you saying that you’re not a licensed therapist?

Jackie: I am not. And I also don’t know how to therap-ize other people, so

Gabe: Ha ha.

Gabe: Yes.

Jackie: Still here.

Gabe: I’m very resilient to being dumped.

Jackie: You’re a functioning human being, you’re on the planet. You have survived everything so far. Right or wrong?

Jackie: Oh, I don’t either.

Gabe: There’s lots of things that don’t kill you that make you really fucking weak.

Jackie: Yes.

Gabe: I’m going to pet the rabbit to death. I don’t want to do that. But when I lay awake at night, it seeps in, and it obviously open communication is a powerful tool for this and it is helping.

Jackie: We’ll be right back after we hear from our sponsors.

Gabe: And we’re back discussing our fear of losing our spouses.

Jackie: Have you talked to Kendall about all of this?

Jackie: I have talked to Adam about this, and honestly, the most reassuring moments, you can’t reassure somebody you’re not going to die, right?

Gabe: Right.

Jackie: This isn’t Captain America.

Gabe: Yeah.

Jackie: We’ll see you all next week.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2U9zp5H via theshiningmind.com

#World of Psychology #child psychology

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colp76-blog · 5 years

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Hello and welcome to part:13 of my Journey into Science-Fiction. Today, I will be trying at least to make some sense of the film that is The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. Previously on my Journey, I examined the sci-fi classic Robocop and today’s film has to somehow be linked to that, if you would like to know more, click on the below.

Robocop, 1987.

Buckaroo Banzai was produced and directed by W.D Richter and written by Earl Mac Rauch, what a name! Released by 20th Century Fox in 1984, the film only managed to recoup half of the cost of production but has since attracted a loyal fan base throughout the years that followed.

Buckaroo Banzai Peter Weller and his Hong Kong Cavaliers are caught in a battle to the death between the evil red aliens and the good black aliens from Planet 10. I really enjoyed the opening of this film, proper 80’s synthesiser magnificence with retro signage. After that, this film does not stop for breath, the visuals in the film are pretty dam great for the time but the story is completely barmy. I can, however, see how it’s become a cult classic with the sheer lunacy of it. In charge of the bad side, we have dictator John Whorfin John Lithgow who has taken over the body of Italian scientist Dr Emilio Lizardo. The red aliens are trying to get Buckaroo’s oscillation over-thruster but the black aliens are having none of it and would rather destroy Earth than let the Renegades return to their planet. I will admit, I have put off writing about this film for a while because, after the first viewing, I had no idea what was going on! Instead, I gave it a few weeks to digest and watched it again. I will be honest, I don’t love it, but I can see something in it that completely leftfield and enjoyable and also there is possibly a great plot that could have been executed so much better if some of the craziness would have been toned down a bit.

I really do like the story of aliens from other dimensions and how they incorporated the War of the Worlds broadcast as a real-life event is really quite genius. On the flip-side to that is how can you take a film seriously when people have bubble wrap strapped to their face whilst talking to an alien who would be more suited to Studio 54? I do understand how this is a product of its time and if I was a 10-year-old watching this on VHS back in the day, my thoughts could be completely different now. There is a lot be treasured though and I’m never trying to put a film down, there are some great actors in this film who went on to bigger and better things, and I have to tip my hat to the visual/special effects department for trying something new, this film stands alone in that sense and is quite an achievement.

There are some funny moments and one that really made me chuckle is when John Bigbooté Christopher Lloyd gives John Whorfin the finger behind his back, actually, it made me laugh pretty hard. Then we have Buckaroo Banzai and his Hong Kong Cavaliers, unbelievable costumes and makes wonder, was the 80s ever really like that? At the end of the film, we watch the gang strolling around and I couldn’t help but laugh in thinking they are heading down to an opening of a local Primark store. As a film, I didn’t love it but I can see its charm and maybe I will watch it again, never say never! Anyway, by the end of the film, I realised there is going to be a new one coming out after this, maybe that one will be a little better. Oh yeah, there is one part of this film I really enjoyed, the soundtrack by Bones How and Michael Boddicker I’ve been humming along to it ever since I watched it and I’m even more upset now it isn’t available on my Spotify, really great score. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my look at this film and if you love it, then please let me know as I’m always willing to look at it from a different view and thank you for reading.

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I guess the next question is where am I going to next on my Journey into Science-Fiction? Well, I could have gone with Back to the Future, featuring Christopher Lloyd, but my next choice features Jeff Goldblum and is a film that really made a big impression on me as a child and I can’t wait to revisit it, ladies and gentlemen, my next film to examine is David Cronenberg’s 1986 science-fiction horror, The Fly.

I’m beyond excited about this and can’t wait to learn more about a film I love, but really know nothing about. Again, many thanks for reading and I love hearing your comments, good or bad! See you next time for Part:14 of My journey into Science-Fiction.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, 1984: My Journey into Science-Fiction Part 13. It’ll take your Brain into another Dimension. Hello and welcome to part:13 of my Journey into Science-Fiction. Today, I will be trying at least to make some sense of the film that is…

#80s #BuckarooBanzai Retro VHS TheFly #iconic #Movies #Robocop #sciencefiction

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vrheadsets · 8 years

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VR vs. 10 Franchises SEGA Would Be Crazy Not To Bring To VR – Part 3

Hello everybody and welcome back to VR vs. The VRFocus column where the one who doesn’t write that much (that’s me) witters on for about 800-1000 words on his thoughts on the state of play in the virtual reality (VR) and augmented reality (AR) tech spaces. For the past fortnight I’ve been turning the clock back, in a number of ways, to cover ten franchises that SEGA (they of the speedy blue hedgehog fame) would be foolish – FOOLISH I SAY – to not consider combining with VR down the line in some manner.

We’ve already had a number of familiar franchises like OutRun and some that you may not have initially considered such as Condemned. But with only four slots left which will make the cut? Which big names will be left out? I’ll give you a clue, Mr. T. Hedgehog is one of them.

Space Channel 5: Part 3

I, for one, think that it’s about time outer space’s best news reporter was back out in the field covering another news story of galactic proportions. Now you might be wondering why I’m including Space Channel 5 in the list when we already have Samba de Janeiro, and especially when I’ve already discounted some franchises for being the same type of game; namely a driving title and shooting title? Well, whilst Space Channel 5 and Samba de Janeiro are similar in that they both have rhythm related game mechanics, they are operating with different intentions for those mechanics.

Whilst Samba is more a pure rhythm title, Space Channel 5 is more a memory game than anything else. Simon Says without the colours. Bop It in a short vinyl skirt.

Here though is where the addition of the 360 degree game play can again bring a fresh twist to an established idea. Not only do you become Ulala in this instance, but instead of moving the directional controller you are copying your opponent’s actions yourself, just as Ulala does. So you have that, but you also have the option to expand the command list a little and really mix things up. As opposed to getting instructions to go “left, right, right, left” what if you got “left turn, right, right turn, left”? Suddenly you’re not only dealing with 2D actions.

It’s an idea. And we’ve not seen a new Space Channel 5 in a lonnnng time. As Ulala herself would say, “Stay tuned!”

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Virtua Tennis

What happened to you Virtua Tennis? You used to be cool.

No really, Virtua Tennis 3 on console was all kinds of awesome, with longevity some devilish mini games and challenges and some pretty bang on game play mechanics. Then Virtua Tennis 2009 and 4 seemingly got a bit spooked by EA getting all… well, EA with the licences for likenesses and whatever it was that did happen during that time, it was all a bit of a mess after that. Some part of the magic was just… lost, as we’ve seen hide nor hair of one since 2011.

So why Virtua Tennis? Well this one is more cut and dry. We’ve seen many a tennis game, or tennis themed game already on VR be it for PlayStation VR, Oculus Rift, HTC Vive or even the mobile platforms. But frankly none of them hold a candle to what Virtua Tennis was as a video game. Imagine the addictive game play brought to bear once more, but with the same level of attention to detail shown within a VR environment. The team from Sumo Digital (yes, I’m inviting you to throw money at them again) was very canny about what they could do on the mini games front. Something they replicated in SEGA Superstars Tennis, which, unsurprisingly was based on the Virtua Tennis engine. So the prospect of the Sheffield-based studio’s imagination being let loose in VR would whet the appetite of many a SEGA and tennis game fan.

Are there any cons here? Any VR related issues that may need to be addressed? Well, no. Not really. Tennis games are a proven commodity. Bonus points if the game lets you punch Duke and King in the face for being cheaty sods. If that kicks off a Virtua Fighter mini game then just give SUMO all the Game of the Year awards right there and then and be done with it.

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Yakuza

How in the name of Goro Majima’s epic dance moves has this not happened yet? I mean I can kind of understand a reason in-story as to why the latest instalment of the Ryū ga Gotoku franchise – better known to you and me as Yakuza – didn’t invoke the PlayStation VR. Mainly because the title, Yakuza 0/Ryū ga Gotoku Zero: Chikai no Basho, was a prequel and set in 1988.

That being said however, I would have thought Sony would be falling all over themselves to get SEGA in on the act with their most famous (Project Diva not withstanding, and besides we’ve already discussed that) Sony exclusive series. Yakuza’s main game action doesn’t lend itself to PSVR – at least in my opinion. Why is it on this list then if it is isn’t suitable? Well Yakuza, as players know, is in no way just about the story.

Yakuza‘s side missions and elements off the beaten track people know are a strange combination of Japanese culture and utter lunacy. Veering from taking Hostesses on trips to karaoke clubs to winning a chicken at a bowling club which you can then appoint a member of your staff.

No, REALLY.

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The thing is it is those mini games, like bowling and karaoke and baseball and all the other things – well, maybe not ALL the other things – that Kazuma Kiryu and co. get up to that could really make the leap into VR. Frankly i’d like to see what would happen if Toshihiro Nagoshi got his hands on the tech. He’ll probably think of something no one has. With the series creeping up to the current times will we see a 50+ year Kazuma try and figure out the newfangled PlayStation VR in a Yakuza 7 or will something be created for PSVR after Yakuza 6 heads West? Time will tell if the Dragon of Dojima will get his virtual day.

Derby Owners Club

“You what?” Yup. “You’re joking right?” No. I’m not joking. “What, no Super Monkey Ball?” Nope. “No Space Harrier?” Nope. “No Jack Lumber?” No, but thanks for reading, Owlchemy Labs. “Not even Seaman?” NURSE! Another patient’s out of bed again!

I’m willing to bet you didn’t see this one coming. For those that don’t know of the title, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised, Derby Owners Club (DOC) is an arcade title predominantly found in the Asian markets, although it certainly received a strong . Originally released in 2009 you take on the role of both jockey and trainer as you work with your horse, race them and eventually retire them in order to take their attributes (and those of another horse, obviously) to breed the thoroughbred of your dreams. Horses were saved on cards, a bit like on some arcade racers like Initial-D you had a licence card you could insert.

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This may sound a little nuts, but make no mistake – DOC was a huge hit in Japanese arcades and very popular in American arcades as well. People stayed there on the machines so long (up to 8 hours) and people waited so long to play that an actual reservation system and waiting lounges had to be introduced. We’ve all waited in multiplayer lounges to get a party – but actually waiting in a physical lounge for the chance to play an arcade machine? Unsurprisingly SEGA rather coined it in. Not just in drinks sales for those in the lounges either. In a game where half the time you are a jockey I’m positive there is some way to develop a VR related experience and make things more hands-on. This has the added bonus of a) revitalising the brand with a must-try experience, b) brings a much needed new money spinner to arcades and c) helps sell VR.

DOC is a game that rewards loyalty, and a new version could find customers rewarding VR with its loyalty too.

Well, that’s all ten and the end of a three-part (good grief) VR vs. There won’t be one next week as I will be on a medically required holiday from overdosing on SEGA these last few weeks. There may not even be one the week after that, again due to some much delayed time off, so in the meantime I’d like you to suggest the SEGA franchises you would like to see developed for VR in the months and years ahead. Also, which company should I turn my attention to next for a similar list? Suggestions in the comments please, and I will see you next time.

from VRFocus http://ift.tt/2kCY00y

#VRFocus #vr #virtual reality #canada

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