#[ adfadfalsfjasf ]

[hirako5hinji]

[ Continued from here ] 

@moonlightdestruction said: 

“Fine! Fucking fine!  You keep poking and prodding me for answers, well here it fucking is!”

Amethyst eyes were ablaze with slight annoyance, and a cocktail of emotions.

“Shinji Hirako” His name, came out of her mouth shakily. It was as if she was trying to speak with honey in her mouth. Thick and viscous, and hard to swallow.She almost didn’t want to say the rest, her eyes half mad, half pleading for another way. But, she had too. It was now or never. It would eat at her soul far worst than her own Inner Hollow could do.

“…Over 100 years ago, you took a chance on an anger driven Shinigami fresh out of the academy. You took in the dumb, emotion ridden girl who felt she had to prove herself through sheer power and bulldoze her way through the afterlife. You treated her with as much kindness as her grating insubordinate behavior would allow. You molded her into a fine Shinigami, and a better person.. You were one of the first individuals to treat her with such compassion and effort. Showed her that she wasn’t some dumb lowlife who had to fight to survive, you taught her how to live.”

“Over the years, you have done nothing but be kind, caring, and loyal in your roundabout ways. And for years….I grew to love you. Love you in a dumb little girl crush way. It went more than admiring you for who you were, or being loyal to you.. No this was a DEEPER feeling, and it scared me. I didn’t tell anyone, or you. I didn’t want too…I don’t want anyone that close to me.. People who become that close to me die. Plus, I don’t even think you like me like that, so there was no point in bringing this up, I would have let this eat away at me for eternity! It’s stupid! Sure, we’re close. But I don’t think you’d ever be able to love or care about some calloused bitch like me. It’s better to keep people at a distance..You can’t hurt them that way.”

         For how long had they known each other already? All those enduring years together were enough to make up several lifetimes.

         How could he not know of her feelings? That was impossible. He might not be omniscient, but his intuition about…things were seldom wrong.

         But Suzuran had always tried so hard to ignore that existence, so he, too, had abide by her will. But it had been so long. It had been far too long.

              “ Finally, ya said it. ” His voice was soft, his gaze gentle. She was so furious that he had been pushing her nonstop, but he could also see the flash of fear and regret in her eyes right after she yelled out all the things that she had kept buried in her chest all these years. Even after all this time, she had never intended to blurt all that out. But Shinji had given her no choice. He had chased her all the way until she had nowhere else to hide anymore, following her wherever she fled and wiggling himself in so firmly into all of her safe places, she just could not shut him out anymore.

         Sitting on the floor beside her, crouched together companionably underneath her office desk, he handed her the cup of boba that was meant for her. All her favorite condiments, in her favorite combination, sweet in all the ways she had always vehemently denied being. Yet he knew she was.

              “ Drink, ” he told her. Calm down, s’fine. I’ve got yer back. “ And while yer busy suckin’ balls ya can also listen ‘ta me. ” He wiggled his brows suggestively, trying to make her laugh. It was no good for them if she was tense and afraid, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had a very good idea what she was feeling right now…but did she really think that he would run and bail out on her just because she finally spoke up about her feelings? Shinji sat back and leaned against the heavy desk, squeezed shoulder to shoulder beside a visibly miserable Suzuran in that small leg space. Their breathing slowly synced, agitation ebbing, as a strange sort of calm crept into its place.

         Then, just before the silence got too lulling, he abruptly reached over and flicked her nose sharply in reprimand, quick as a flash.  

              “ It’s not stupid ‘ta love, stupid. How can ya be ridin’ on my coattails for a hundred over years and still think like that? I’m seriously disappointed, tsk. How many times have ya seen me fall for someone, fall out of love, and then pick myself up and try again? S’not the end of the world when ya love someone, Suzu-chan. Yer heart is so big and filled with so much love, ya even have a place for me and all my hair products. And yer confession? Oy! Don’t ya look away. Eyes on me, ma’am. Listen. Hearin’ what ya said just now has made me really, incredibly, happy. Thank you, for lovin’ me. ”

         And he really was. His eyes glowed fiercely with elation, and he was smiling softly, almost tenderly, at her. But then that smile abruptly disappeared, and he started to scowl at her again.  

              “ And that brings me ‘ta somethin’ else- ”

         Another punishing nose flick.

              “ Who the heck are ya callin’ a callous bitch? Is a callous bitch the kind ‘ta play childish pranks so that everyone else can laugh? Is a callous bitch the kind ‘ta follow her stupidass captain ‘ta hell and back? Is a callous bitch one ‘ta protect her friends and loved ones without pause or hesitation? Why are ya always so hard on yerself, Suzu-chan? Bad, Suzu-chan, badddd. Be kinder ‘ta yerself, please. ”

              “ Y’know I love ya too, right? Perhaps it’s not the same love ya have for me, but ya better be damn sure that ya sit in my heart too. Y’know that, right? Right? I’m not goin’ anywhere until we have this understandin’ squared properly between us. ” He paused, considered his words, and then he amended. “ Correction; I’m not goin’ anywhere no matter what ya think. Yamashita Suzuran, I practically raised ya myself. Yer my subordinate, my friend, and the family I trust. Are ya kiddin’ me?? How can I not love ya? ”