#[ I'm not saying this is accurate this is just how I've personally seen it so far DBHKADB ]

[onionpainter]

just found your blog, I think your paintings are absolutely gorgeous! I've been wondering, what draws you to work with oil paints above other mediums? I've found them very tricky to work with in the past and I'm fascinated by the depth and cleanliness you can bring to them

Hello there, thank you for asking! I’m very glad to hear you enjoy my work :) I have many reasons why I must work in oil, allow me to offer you this numbered list. I am very normal about it.

The art which I have grown up loving and aspiring to make was largely made with oil. It is my strong feeling that if you want to recreate an art style, the easiest way to achieve this is to use the same medium in the same way that the original artist made their work in. All mediums have their own idiosyncrasies and it is far more practical to use the same medium than to try to recreate the effect of one medium through another medium. I learned this the hard way trying to achieve the particular look of paint tool SAI, first through drawings coloured with water based paints, then with clip studio paint. It is better to use the same materials that your chosen art movement used if you want to work accurately in the style. I was asked once why I don’t use watercolour. I don’t use watercolour because I can’t make an oil painting out of it.

They are difficult to gain control over. This seems like a point against them, but let me tell you why this is a point in their favour for me. There was a time in my digital illustration career when I hit a very brutal plateau. I was very bored and I strongly disliked working on my commissions. Digital art had ceased to be particularly hard in terms of program handling, but my drawing skills were weak at the time. I decided I needed something properly difficult, and not having had time or space until that point to work in oil, I took it up again. Being so unpracticed and unskilled, it was very punishing, frustrating, and unrewarding, and by the end of my painting practice I would be begging to return to the relative ease of my digital work. Of course, there is only so long that I can engage with a skill before I fall into a bottomless pit of commitment.

Another point regarding difficulty and maybe more importantly, perceived difficulty. I am a highly competitive person, some might say pathologically. And since oil is often seen as the most difficult medium [although I would say, again, it is the easiest thing to make an oil painting out of] there is then less overall competition within the medium than there is in water based mediums for example. I compare this to another scenario, that of horse training. Why would a horse trainer choose to work with feral, unhandled mustangs, when you can work with a nice horse who has been handled and conditioned from foalhood? One reason is to show very high level horsemanship. If you train a mustang then you really know how to train horses. Technical difficulty can be dealt with, it is only a matter of hundreds of hours of work. Oversaturation of a niche, however, is a much more difficult problem, which is also out of my personal control. I’d rather prove myself against one oil painter than three acrylic painters.

On the topic of perceptions, oil is commonly seen as the most valuable type of painting. I’m not saying that’s a fair perception, just that it exists. Often when people think of ��good paintings” the paintings they imagine are typically in oil. I’m sure we’ve all seen particularly dynamic fotografs compared to oil paintings. This has two functions for me, one, that I can make these objects of perceived value, which please and entertain. The second function of them is to legitimize myself as an artist in the eyes of the general public. Digital art is a commonly devalued and little known or cared about art form, even though so much incredible contemporary art is of digital mediums. Unless someone is already involved in digital art communities, it can be difficult for them to relate to it or even imagine what it could be, or how it is made, even though it permeates society. Digital art is seen as low art. On the other hand, the first thing that comes to mind for people when they think of art or “Fine Art” is usually oil paintings. There are significant social advantages to being able to say “I am a painter” versus the awkwardness of having to admit “I am a digital illustrator” with all of the confusion and skepticism that brings. Again, I don’t bring this up in order to champion this line of thinking, I am just saying that this perception exists.

On a technical level, there is something about oil. The textures and handling needs of the different pigments and mediums, and the physical feeling of manipulating all of it is something I cannot do without. My teacher who first introduced me to oil compared it as painting with melted butter against the feeling of painting with glue or toothpaste, which he felt about acrylic paint. This is a matter of opinion, but one I agree with. There are tactile sensations which only exist in oil, and the longer drying time allows for much more mixing on the palette. I would be furious if I spent time mixing a colour only for it to dry and become unusable within the hour.

The dangers involved, both to the art in terms of archival quality, and to myself in terms of poisoning or fire, make this medium into something that demands strict attention. Many of my materials can kill if I do not handle them correctly. To me, this immediate danger brings the specter of death from the shadows and defangs him, transforms an unknown terror into a banal familiar matter. These materials might harm me, but instead they help me and they are my dear familiar companions. My duty is just to honour and steward them well and help them fulfill their purpose, which is to please and entertain.

In terms of my recommendation of this medium to others, I would recommend it if you are the kind of person who can withstand slow progress and who wants to earn something hard. Beginnerhood typically lasts a long time with these materials, unless you are a particularly strong painter in other mediums already and have a good teacher. I wouldn’t know because I am the initially unskilled type. A warning for the initially skilled people reading this: there will come a time in your practice when your initial skills are no longer adequate for the task ahead. I suggest you learn how to work hard before you come to this point so it will be less devastating for you. Enjoy the simple struggles of your beginning, even if it may overall be very boring. Lose yourself within it. The milestones of the intermediate stage are much farther apart than those in the beginner’s fight.

With regards to your comment on cleanliness, first I thank you, that is very kind. I allow myself to work slowly and try to control my impulsivity. Speed will come with time and experience, I am content with a slow and measured process for now.

[urproblematicfav-ao3]

Ok wait, I wanna add to this now because I'm having otp feelings.

So I think part of the problem with Charlie in some dynamics, specifically with Alastor is because she has a very girlish and stupid exterior while Alastor has a more aggressive and controlling exterior. A lot of art and fic puts Charlie in this sincere damsel and dumb position, where she's ACTUALLY falling for Alastor's bullshit or that she's actually too stupid to understand what's happening.

But I think both of them are people who hide behind masks and overcompensate to cope with their emotions. I don't think the damsel-babygirl vibe Charlie puts on is completely indicative of her whole personality.

(Is part of the problem that the series is terrible and completely butchered her personality and made her actually stupid and useless? Yea)

Alastor is bored and angry. Charlie is desperate and angry(sad flavor).

They're both dreamers with big goals and ambition that want to reshape the world in their vision, and think that they understand the other and can use them to their advantage.

I think charlastor is a lot more interesting if Alastor THINKS Charlie is stupid, but over time sees that she's just cute and has childish hobbies and when you get past that she's very much an adult ass woman who can and will push back against him. I want Alastor intrigued and obsessed with figuring out how many layers there is to who she is.

Charlie is naive, but she's not stupid. Alastor is a manipulate dick bag who's very good at acting like he knows everything, but is fact kinda stupid lmao.

I remember trying to read some charlastor fic awhile back but I kept running into too much that either infantalized Charlie to a ridiculous point.

Or when Charlie does have intense or angry emotions, Alastor is....bothered.....by that? Like in what world would Alastor be icked out by violence or aggression. He should be excited and getting off on her snapping at him, the fuck.

The only charlastor fic I've found that I'm like "OH YOU GET IT" is Penance lmao. (Also the curio nymph art au ugugjuvjibkhb)

I made a joke meme about it and someone tried to be like "ummmm Penance doesn't have SA in it stop saying it does" and I'm like bitch.....ONE OF THE TAGS IS LITERALLY THAT. Also the author had to say in the notes to stop talking about how sexy/romantic the fic was lmao I'm right y'all stupid. The textbook gaslighting and sexual abuse Alastor puts Charlie through in that fic and her responding with absolutely batshit insane empathy whilst also being a psycho in her own right is the most accurate thing I've seen in my life.

I didn't say that tho cuz I get really scared and can't talk 90% of the time(yes texting counts as talking to me)

Since I'm writing this long ass charlastor au fic I was thinking about other fic for them and like, I don't actually read a lot of it because I think everyone else is "doing it wrong" and I'm pretty quickly annoyed by the ways people characterize both of them lmao

Anyway, I already made a joke in this fic that there's gonna be a LOT of pussy eating in it, because by god does Alastor have a servicing kink in every sense of the word.

And I realized that back when I was reading charlastor fic, I don't remember Alastor eating Charlie out coming up that often?? You telling me this bitch is submissive and bottoming for every Overlord in hell but when it comes to the princess he's not basically on his knees 24/7????? Baffling

Like if this fandom generally has decided that Charlie is the top in chaggie, and Alastor is the pretty often the bottom in radiostatic or other gay ships then why would that dynamic change with them together lmao let that deer man get pegged by Charlie's strap you fucking cowards

[giantkillerjack]

ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.

[This is in reference to this post]

YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

It is so so frustrating!!!!

It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,

"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"

And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.

And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!

[wolfpackmuses]

I won't lie, anytime I see any of the other Satans here on the dash, I can't help but think about the entire "Brother" meme that Space Marines do with each other. Because I feel like that is something my Satan would absolutely do.

Also, hear me out to those of you who portray Satan as well: I feel like we all take vastly different personalities to Satan and I feel we fall on a giant line chart of extremes in terms of the personality we give our Satans.

[felassan]

Sylvia Feketekuty: "To celebrate DA day, I've made a bluesky account that I'll keep active for a few days to talk about my work on Inqusition or Veilguard! After a few days I'll lock the account, because I'm not a social media person. Happy to talk until then though. I want to say straight off: the reception to Emmrich, Manfred, the Mourn Watch, and the Grand Necropolis has been heartwarming for all of us who worked on those people and places. Thank you all very much!" [source, two]

Rest of post under cut due to length and spoilers. [Post Two, Post Three]

Sylvia Feketekuty: "In the meantime, I do want to talk about a couple of things I saw floating around regarding Emmrich: 1. Emmrich being 52 or 50. I think people got 50 from data mining a character file, but we can't do a ranges in those files. As in, I couldn't input 50-60, it had to be a whole number. I put down 50 as an early ballpark, then went more accurate in later audition scripts. 2. Fifty-two is a old number I threw into an early document before his art or character was totally final. (And which caused another developer a headache because they thought it was accurate, I never updated it. Sorry about that.) 3. "Wait, how old is Emmrich then?" Once I saw his final character art, I felt more mid to late 50s. MAYBE early 60s. But unless we specifically state a character's age in the game, it's all malleable. I honestly would just adjust it to your impressions unless stated otherwise. 4. I've also seen comments on how weird it is for Emmrich to act like there's an age-gap in the romance if your Rook is around his age. And you're right. 5. The reason is because Rook WAS younger when those scenes were written and worked on. I felt it'd be odd if I never addressed the May-December aspect, especially as it hooks into some of Emmrich's worries. 6. By the time that shifted, it was really too late to change without catastrophic repercussions to the excellent cinematics and music and other things that depend on line delivery and timing. 7. To be clear: you can feel how you want about the age gap coming up at all! But that's how the discrepancy came about. 8. "Is there a way to reconcile Emmrich acting like my Rook is way younger than him if they're not?" Great question! I have several suggestions: -Accept it's an error. (True, but unexciting) -Emmrich considers a gap of 3-5 years scandalous. (Funny, albeit a bit cartoonish.) -The Mourn Watch has perfected swapping out organs, and Emmrich is nervously hiding that he's way older than he looks out of vanity. (Untrue, but funny.)" [source thread]

User in reply to point 6. above: "I'm personally glad it was too late to change because their argument about it is genuinely my favorite scene in the entire game! 😭💕 It's such an important moment to me" / Sylvia: "Thanks! That one was one where I was all sweatily trying to balance things out, with tone, with pacing, etc. Really glad it came together for you. (Cine and the actors did heroic things there to get it feeling just so!)" [source]

More snippets:

Emmrich's favorite ice cream flavor? Rum raisin [source]

Lots of people on the dev team shared the vision of having a bunch of gothic weirdness in that pocket of Thedas [source] (Necropolis/Nevarra)

Sylvia "especially liked writing the Mourn Watch origin, it was fun to write a fellow nerd for Emmrich to chat with" [source]

Sylvia poured some personal worries and fears into writing Emmrich [source]

On Vorgoth and their nature: "I'm a little leery of saying anything, partly because I'm cowardly avoiding publicly defining anything more until/if I ever need to. And partly because I did want them to be a fresh unknown. Sorry!" [source] "I'm glad you like Vorgoth, but I'm afraid I don't have much for you that isn't in the game. I deliberately wrote them so as to leave room, if we ever revisited them, or for Vorgoth to remain mysterious, if we did not. I'm sorry if that's not a very satisfying answer!" [source] "I will say, it was fun to throw in a few lines about Vorgoth's art collection. Their passion for it is sincere and deep. (I wanted all the Watchers to have a little non-death related hobby or interest, because they can be so singularly focused.)" [source]

Dwarven Mourn Watcher is a rare origin combo for Rook so Sylvia wanted to call it out [source]

On the outcomes of Emmrich's quest: "I tried really hard to make the options equally viable, and more up to the player's interpretation or preferences of what it would mean for Emmrich in their view. It's been interesting seeing reactions to it, which hinge sometimes on various single lines pushing people one way or another!" [source]

"The Grand Necropolis is always eager and ready for a new member of the Mourn Watch to grace its ranks." [source]

User: "I loved Emmrich's view on death and what his personal quest ultimately went on to say about the nature of death itself, and how the beauty of mortality lies in its impermanence and unpredictability." / Sylvia: "I really wanted to dig into those themes, and everyone in cine and art and level design and editing and the whole team honed in exactly on the vibe. The floral stuff especially, I was so thrilled when I played through the Memorial Gardens' with the art and lighting in." [source]

User: "I experience thanatophobia and that first conversation w/ Emmrich was so affirming and helped me describe my own anxiety to others" / Sylvia: "Thanks, the thanatophobia was, as you may've guessed, a personal experience for me too. I'm glad it was something that helped a little." [source] "I suspect that phobia is way more common than people think, and part of the reason Emmrich talks about it was to express that sentiment out loud. I find it helps sometimes just to acknowledge it." [source]

What languages does Emmrich speak other than Trade? "I think he'd be familiar with Tevene, since there's surely many, many old texts about magic written in that language. Kind of like a doctor that knows latin through their work. I also named that MW alphabet "tomb-script", though I'm not sure if it has a spoken component or not since it never came up in-game. If it does, he'd be able to speak that for sure." [source, two]

User: "Playing as a Mourn Watch Rook has been an absolute delight!!!" / Sylvia: "Thank you so much, I really liked writing those branches of the dialogue. Since Emmrich's so focused on necromancy, it was fun having a Rook who could be both casual and knowledgeable about it." [source]

User: "In your opinion, what outcome do you prefer for a romanced Emmrich (lich/non lich)?" / Sylvia: "Interesting question! To be honest, I'm afraid to answer it properly in case anyone takes my answer to be a canonical one. I really wanted either path to feel equally interesting/correct for whatever you decide fits your Rook's relationship with Emmrich. (We're also in the strange waters of meta-reasoning. I GAVE Emmrich his fear of death-Sorry Emmrich!-which makes me feel a little culpable for that, even though he's entirely fictional. And that might prey on my mind when trying to decide. A very odd experience!)" [source, two]

What music genres would Emmrich be into? "Classical music is very much playing to type for Emmrich, but I feel it's also correct. He'd enjoy a nice concerto or an organ recital. Or, if he's feeling daring, a bold new Orlesian opera! But I don't think his tastes are too outré in that area. That said, I saw someone post something like "Leave Emmrich alone, let him attend the Depeche Mode concert" while listening to Depeche Mode's "Violator", for the first time, which made me laugh. (Great album. If he could get over the shock of synths, Emmrich might enjoy "Waiting for the Night".)" [source, two]

When writing Emmrich the devs wanted to try and hit the gothic romance vibe [source]

Does Emmrich mix his own fragrance/cologne? Does he ever vary it by the season? "I think Emmrich goes to some of the many perfumers that have set up shop in Nevarra City around the Necropolis, just because he trusts their judgement and expertise. I hadn't considered him varying it by season, but that's very fun! I certainly think he has more than one bottle of scent." [source]

User: "How does Lich Emmrich have sex?" / Sylvia: "I don't mind the question! But my answer's a bit boring: I generally stay at arm's length on the more explicit romance stuff, just because if it's not stated or shown in-game, I don't want to bring in a canonical answer that might affect what people imagined. My general preference for romantic scenes that get physical is to leave blank space somewhere, so players can imagine what happens next. It's not the ONLY way to do it, I think there's legitimate artistic reasons to go more explicit. But that's how I approached Emmrich (and before him Josephine.)" [source, two]

User: "The scene with the fade glow where he touches your hand haunts me in the best way" / Sylvia: "Aw thank you. Our animators and audio people made that scene way better than I could've hoped! They took such care with everything there. I want to say that little eye-peep from Rook was added in by one of them, which was the perfect touch." [source]

User on Emmrich: "i’m curious whether you think he’d prefer dogs or cats (or both, or neither)" / Sylvia: "I think he'd consider cats and dogs a little too noisy and messy for his tastes. Not like a nice, quiet plant or skeleton! (Weirdly, I actually had a scrap of banter going over this exact subject at one point. It got tightened down to the exchange with Harding about the pig he used to hug when he was a kid.)" [source, two]

Sylvia was trying to tease Nevarra with the Tevinter Nights story Down Among the Dead Men [source]. "It was really fun to tease the Necropolis, so to speak, in TN, and I'm grateful we got to actually let players through its gates at last." [source]

User: "if Rook chooses to save Manfred and keep Emmrich mortal, what would Emmrich wish to become of his body once he did pass on?" / Sylvia: "Good question. I think he'd want to remain active and useful in death. A guide for other Mourn Watchers, or posted as a mystic guide somewhere dangerous, or perhaps an oracle in the library." [source]

User: "when and how was it decided that Emmrich would be romanceable? I remember reading that he would not be a romance option." / Sylvia: "I'm not sure where that came from, because I pitched him and then shortly after that we decided the entire cast was romanceable. That was fairly early on in the development of Veilguard, as I recall it. (Could've been a crossed wire?)" [source]

Trick Weekes: "Sylvia wrote the fantastic Emmrich "the Vol-carnage" Volkarin and everything that happens in Nevarra while dealing with a lead writer whose attitudes about corpses and undead are... not dissimilar from Taash's." [source] / Sylvia: "I still remember when you gave the very accurate feedback "I think we need to give players whose Rooks aren't into corpses some roleplaying choices to express this" and I was all "Ohhh yeaaaaaah." (Thank u Trick, you were right)" [source] / Trick: "Specifically, being able to express this without locking themselves out of the content! (For non-Sylvia folks) Given my issues with corpses, Emmrich as a whole was SUPER Not For Me, so I gave one caveat and then said, "For the rest of my critique, I will be impersonating his target audience." [source]

Sylvia on the secret origins of Manfred: "After I pitched Emmrich, I started jotting down notes and thoughts on his plots, his quirks, all that kind of stuff. It was very early on Veilguard, anything was still possible. We were chatting in the writer's room about it one day, and I think we'd just seen some early concept art for Emmrich. And our lead writer Trick Weekes joked that Emmrich looked like a man who'd have a skeleton named Manfred. And I laughed and went "Yeah he does!" And then I thought about it. It's wild in retrospect, but that one comment spurred a train of thought that led to the core of Emmrich's arc. He may've ended up a very different character without it! tl;dr: I stole it from Trick." [source, two, three, four]

"I got to play with a pretty free palette when defining the way Emmrich and the necromancers view death and spirits. But I tried to keep it within the confines of existing lore. That's one reason why that scene where Emmrich talks about Manfred to Harding goes into "the eternal question" of whether a soul actually returns with the dead or not. Nevarra has distinct beliefs, but I thought it'd be interesting if its people argue over their interpretations of those beliefs." [source, two]

"the other writers also suggested a bit later on that the big choice dig more into Emmrich's philosophies. Initially, it was more personally focused on his fears, which made it 'relatable' but pettier. Without that correction, I think it would've been weaker, I totally needed the team push." [source]

"I have a few guides to graveyard symbology, and it's so packed with references and meaning." [source]

User: "Did any of your own fears & experiences, make it into the writing of Emmrich? If yes, is it information you’re comfortable sharing with us? If it’s too personal to give any details, that’s fine as well. Also, across the other games, who do you think Emmrich will get along with best?" / Sylvia: "some of his fears are absolutely personal. The reflexive-compulsive panic over death is something I'm very familiar with, and I wanted to explore that through him. Because I suspected it was not uncommon, and worth examining. The question of who he'd get along with from the other games is surprisingly tough! Because without asking the other writers about their characters, I wouldn't know for sure. So I can only really speak to Josephine with surety. That said: -I think Josephine would be polite, and grow to like him, but would never entirely be over the ostentatious necromancy. -I think Emmrich meeting Sera would be the funniest match." [source, two, three]

"Peter Cushing was also one of my go-tos as an example of what I wanted Emmrich to be." [source]

"(Huge shout out to all the animators and level designers making Manfred run, quite literally. Like 95% of his personality lives in his movement, I think they nailed it.)" [source]

On Emmrich: "I tried to put a lot of passion and sincerity in his love for the dead, and I admit the Necropolis was THE big place I wanted to see in Thedas myself ever since reading about it in a codex." [source]

User: "Thank you for letting him have that cemetery dream date!" / Sylvia: "Having the date in the cemetery was one of the first things I wanted when thinking about the romance." [source]

"Josephine was the first time I was entrusted with a new character and a new romance at once, and that'll always be special to me." [source]

User: "How much input did you have in Emmrich's appearance in the podcast?" / Sylvia: "In the podcast, none myself. I believe it was handled by a third party but reviewed by a few people at BW, I don't know too much past that. (We did provide a descriptor and character rules. Stuff like "Emmrich never swears" and "always says amongst" and broader, more thematically useful things.)" [source]

User on Emmrich: "Are you planning any other external-media stories for him?" / Sylvia: "Thanks very much, The Flame Eternal has a special place in my heart for being the first time Emmrich got to be center stage in a story. (And very flattering to hear about the cross stitch. That's so cool!) I can't speak to any external-media plans, I'm afraid. That's not an implied hint about anything existing or not, it's just literally outside what I'm allowed to chat about. It'd be fun to do something like that again though!" [source, two]

"I must give full credit to Nick Borraine, Emmrich's voice actor. He got the compassion and tenderness the character needed right away." [source]

"And glad him being closer to your age resonated, I really wanted someone older out on an adventure. No reason that has to stop at any age IMO." [source]

User: "do the mourn watcher/nevarra in general raise their pets after they die to keep them around? like a dog skeleton with a whisp in it?" / Sylvia: "To be honest I hadn't thought out this one, but it's a very good question. I'm not sure how common that would be, or even if it's permitted to have pets running around the family crypt. (I definitely thing people would WANT to do it.) You know, I think I'm going to have to leave this one in the vague quantum foam of the future. I think I'd want to not only double check existing lore, but answer that in-game (or in a book or etc.) if we ever need to. (Hope that's not too much of a cop out. Sometimes I like to leave questions I'm not sure about alone, because until it's in an official game or story, it doesn't quite count.)" [source, two, three]

User: "as someone who shares emmrich's anxiety about mortality, getting to spend time with him, and in the grand necropolis and with the mourn watch, was genuinely soothing" / Sylvia: "Thank you, I'm glad he was a comfort. It's a familiar fear for me too, and I'd hoped he would connect that way with people very much." [source]

On the giant ribcage 'ceiling' in the Necropolis: "sadly, even I don't know all the mysteries of the Necropolis. (Which is to say it's a very cool bit of art but has no stated origin yet. Could be a large dragon, a giant...or something weirder!)" [source]

On TN story Luck in the Gardens: "It was nice change up, writing in first person and with someone so rascally. I've got an enduring affection for the Lords after writing Hollix, the scamp." [source]

User: "I just love his genuine enthusiasm for everything he does. If the other party members had fan clubs Emmrich would be the president of each and I love that for him" / Sylvia: "Thank you! I really wanted him to embody a kind of expansiveness and generosity of spirit, to stand in contrast to the eeriness of his abilities." [source]

User: "What was your inspiration for Josie?" / Sylvia: "My girl! When I came on to Inquisition, there'd already been work done on setting up the spine of the main plot, and figuring out the overall cast. But one of the advisors was a little murkier. It just said "Diplomat" on the white board. We knew we wanted someone in that position, but not who. So in a game where you were out exploring, killing demons, etc., but also had a big organization to run? I immediately wanted to make a Diplomat firmly there for you. Somebody you could hand the keys to the entire Inquisition to while you were out, and know it'd be in good hands. I also thought it'd be fun to have someone from Antiva, since that area wasn't covered yet by anyone in the cast. And I needed her to be polished, smooth, but heartfelt, because of that aforementioned trust. And that was the core of Josephine! Her voice actor, Allegra, brought her to life with such lovely charm, and hearing those early sessions also helped me further hone her tone." [source, two, three, four]

"Our music supervisor Ron Dazo hit it out of the park with Emmrich's music IMO. And so glad you liked Hezenkoss! Just very fun to write as a character." [source]

User: "Did any specific watcher raise MW Rook?" / Sylvia: "Good question! I kind of left that one alone because I wasn't sure if I wanted to let Rook define that themselves, or leave it open, and also I'd have wanted a full conversation on it. In the end that was a little out of scope so I left it unsaid. Which is to say that it COULD be Vorgoth who helped raise your Rook. And that stands until/unless we give a definitive answer (or let you choose from a range of answers) one day." [source, two]

"It was such a pleasure for all of us to finally get to explore the Necropolis, I am very glad we got to throw open the gates." [source]

User: "I was wondering if there were any Mourn Watch details you wished you had more time to explore? I was so struck by some of the ethical implications in your stories" / Sylvia: "Geeze, now that's a question. I mention it with Emmrich, but there's some resentment over the power the Watchers hold as THE mortalitasi of the Grand Necropolis, between them and the other orders. There's something to that situation I liked. There's also questions of how they select people for the order. What their standards are, how closely they work with benign spirits. And how they cultivate those relationships. How deep does that go? I also mentioned in a codex "the lives and bodies of those who tamper with the undead of the Necropolis are forfeit unto the Mourn Watch." which is pretty chilling. What's that punishment like, exactly? And in general, writing about anything weird or unexplained in the Necropolis brought me much enjoyment, and it would be fun to dig around how the Mourn Watch deals with (or what they want out of) all these mysteries and entities." [source, two, three, four]

"Geeking out with Emmrich about spooky stuff was a delight to write." [source]

"I liked writing someone older this time, it was something different for me and rewarding in some unexpectedly different ways. (And thanks especially for the nice words on DAtDM - I was very excited to introduce people to the Mourn Watch there!)" [source]

"Ah, tomb-script. I named it but it was our concept artists who went developed it with the hexagon shape-language of the Mourn Watch, which I loved. Conceptually: I think it's used purely an occult or sacred language. Something for the graves, or books on magic, but not everyday things." [source]

"Some trans people kindly offered their help with some feedback on some of the romance lines and others, which absolutely made them much better." [source]

"Trick Weekes actually wrote a ton of the banter where Emmrich inquires into qunari artifacts and customs, and Taash talks about what it was like to grow up under a scholar. I really dig the dynamic they unearthed between the two there." [source]

[p0lyn3sian]

Hiiii can I request a selfcare day with the slashers? Like their s/o some how convinced them to do a mini spa day? Clay mask, manicure, etc? :))

OFFFCCC, THESE SLASHERS NEED TO TAKE A SPA DAY!!

Slashers: Patrick, Norman, Carrie, Chucky (Charles) & Tiffany, Sinclair brothers, Billy & Stu, The Lost Boys, Hannibal & Will, Jason, RZ Michael, Thomas & Bubba, & Billy Lenz & Brahms!!

(This was not really accurate, because I've never been to a spa before, also I really wrote this kinda fast so there might be a lot of repeated words, so I'm so sorry!!)

Slashers x S/O doing a mini spa day!

Patrick:

Patrick wanted a spa day with you after all his anger he put on people.. So he reserved an expensive spa place for you and him! You didn't know how to pay Patrick back for taking you to an expensive spa, but he just says that it doesn't matter, and that his darling needed a spa day too!

Patrick ordered manicures for you, clay masks, massages, etc! There was so much that Patrick ordered for both of you, and he decided to reserve the whole damn place too! Because he didn't want to be bothered by other people.

Once you were done with your manicures, he pulled you into the massage room, and the people started massaging. Your muscles were really tight, due to the stress, and now you feel so relaxed and so does Patrick too! After massages, Patrick pulled you into the sauna room and rubbed the clay onto your face, and then he did his. Feeling even more relaxed in the hot sauna, you and Patrick are so glad you guys decided to do a spa day off of things that stresses both of you out.

Norman:

You suggested to Norman about a little spa day with you and him, since you've seen him always stressed out about something. Of course Norman wanted to take a day off of work and have a mini spa day with you! Norman had things for the spa day, because he does own a motel for bath stuff too!

Luckily your own home has a bath tub that would fit both you in, so you started turning on warm or hot water. Norman got bath bombs, things to make the clay masks, etc! Norman was so ready for this little mini spa day with you!Norman plopped 1 or 2 bath bombs that smell like flowers that you love to smell, and started making the clay masks. You took the bowl from him and told him that he had to relax, and that you will do everything prepared for him.

Norman then nodded his head and took his clothes off, and went into the water. After you did the clay masks, you then said to Norman you'll be right back, because you are going to get something. You came back with two bowls, one with melted chocolate and one with strawberries! You then pulled a chair and a small foldable table and sat down, and you started massaging Norman's head praising him for how wonderful he is, and also feeding chocolate strawberries!

Carrie:

You and Carrie have been planning a spa day as an anniversary on the day you two became best friends, or being girlfriends! You two decided to go to a spa that was nearby in your neighborhood, and the usual people that know you two welcomed you both in! Because you two loved to get manicures from there!

You then told the person that was working at the front desk, that you and Carrie are gonna do a spa day! They immediately got their people to prepare for the spa, clay masks, etc!

Then your spa room was ready, you and Carrie both walked into the room and felt the humid air on your skin, just the perfect temperature! You both then went into the spa and immediately felt relaxed, you then put clay on your face and Carrie's, and you then massaged her back. Just a nice relaxing spa day with your bestie/girlfriend Carrie!

Chucky (Charles) & Tiffany:

You and Tiffany were planning to go to a spa for relaxation, but Chucky heard your conversation and wanted to tag along since he wanted to relax too. You invited Chucky too since you got paid on Friday for this special occasion for everyone to just relax!

Walking into the spa it felt really welcoming, the decoration, colors, everything! You and Tiffany were ready for the spa and everything, but Chucky didn't want to do spa stuff, he thinks it's only for women..

That's okay, you didn't want to force him into anything that you and Tiffany like! You two immediately got ready for the spa, skin routine, clay masks, etc! After you two were done doing your routine, you both then went into the spa and immediately felt relaxed! Chucky just watched you two have the time of your lives, happy that you both are having fun, even him too!

Sinclair Brothers: (Bo, Vincent, & Lester)

You decided to make a spa day for them without telling them about it, since they've always been stressed out about something. You got everything ready for the brother, the warm bath, clay masks, etc! Right now you are taking them to your spa, blindfolded. A little trip and hits from tree branches over there and here, until you all arrived!

You pulled their blindfolds over their heads, and they were amazed to see a steaming built spa, some sweets/food, and a lot of other things too! Both Lester and Bo immediately went into the steaming spa and felt relaxed, but Vincent was taking his time. All three of them are now in the spa, and you grab some sweets/food and drinks.

You were happy they liked what you have done, all three of them were so relaxed! You then told them that you got snacks for them, and immediately Lester came by and wanted you to hand feed them. You laughed, and started feeding him snacks, Bo and Vincent just got their snacks. Everything was perfect for everyone!

Billy & Stu:

These two love snooping around your room, for stuff.. They looked at your colorful calendar to see what plans you have for this week. They've seen 'pay bills,' 'pay electricity bills,' so many damn bills they thought. Until their eyes landed on a Saturday and they read it, 'Spa days with my boys!!'

Billy and Stu put on their "poker face" and totally did not read your calendar! They went downstairs to see you cooking, and felt bad because after seeing that your calendar was full of bills and other important things, they wanted to help you! Billy grabbed the wooden cooking spoon from your hand, and by your surprise you were about to say something until Stu walked you over the table and let you sit down.

Once it was Saturday, they were so ready for you to take them to the spa! You told them that you all will be going to the spa! Arriving at the spa, you have already made a reservation for a room, and these two already hopped into the spa! You took your sweet sweet time putting on your clay mask, and you hopped into the spa too! Billy and Stu then started making fun of you, because of the stuff that was on your face! Which yes you almost got out of the spa and went somewhere because of their rudeness, but they pulled you back in. Laughter just filling in the air, while making splashes everywhere in the spa!

The Lost Boys: (David, Dwayne, Paul, & Marko)

Since these vampires can't go out in the sun, you planned their spa at night! You made it a surprise, so you had to put on masks to cover their eyes so that they wouldn't peek. Everything was ready, the spa, snacks, etc!

You uncovered all their eyes and let them see! The boys looked around the place you did, and walked towards the hot spa. Paul and Marko already took off their clothes and went in, feeling relieved and relaxed. David and Dwayne think that the steaming water will burn them, but looking at Paul and Marko it didn't seem they were screaming in pain or anything, so they went in too!

All of the boys started splashing water at each other's faces, making messes, and just being boys! Once you came by with the snacks, they wanted you to feed them, so you did! All the boys thought that you were coming to the spa, but you said it was for them. They all said their thanks since you did so much work for your vampires! They love you so much that you took your time with the spa, and how you take care of them too!

Hannibal & Will:

You had to take these two to a spa, because Will is always stressed out, and Hannibal needs to take his mind off of his killing.. So you pulled Hannibal and Will into the car and drove off. They asked you where you were taking them, and you just answered with a 'somewhere fun'.

You then parked your car and got outside with Will and Hannibal. Hannibal and Will looked at the store and thought that you were taking them shopping, but once they walked inside it was one of those spa places! They saw you talking to a front desk lady, probably thinking that you were paying, which they tried to stop you from paying. You told them you have already paid a reservation, and that you told them to follow you!

Hannibal and Will felt bad that you paid for the reservation for them! You told them not to worry about anything and that they just needed to relax! So they took your word and took off their clothes, and went into the spa. You did the same thing, since you felt really stressed too. You all felt really relaxed afterwards, and these two decided to take you all out to an expensive restaurant since you paid for the spa!

Jason:

Jason loves to look at magazines during his free time, and his eyes came across a page about spa! Jason then came running to you feeling all giddy about it, and you thought it was an earthquake since the cabin was shaking!

Then it stopped once Jason came to you, Jason showed you why he came running down the hall to you, and you looked at what he was pointing at and saw he was pointing at a spa. Relaxed people having fun, snacks, clay masks, etc! So you told Jason you would do that for him! Jason shook his head, and signed in sign language that he wanted to help you with building the spa and everything else!

You and Jason started building a spa that was like the one in the magazine, but a little different! After building the spa, Jason worked on doing the snacks and you did the stuff you both need for the spa! Jason then worked on putting a filter for the spa water, because since the only water there is, it's the lake water. You then came outside seeing Jason already prepared the spa, snacks, and the decorations! After all that hard work, you both finally went into the spa and everything was perfect, just a romantic spa with Jason!

RZ! Michael:

Spa day at home, because this Tarzan looking dude, is everywhere where he is wanted! You wanted to do a spa day for Michael, because you have a feeling that his hair is tangled, and he also needed to take a bath since he reeks of blood from his victims and animals..

You started a warm bubble bath, grabbed some body wash, shampoo, & conditioner. You then waited until the bath was filled almost to the top. Once the bathtub was filled, you then walked downstairs to get some snacks, and went back up. Michael then wondered what you were doing, and walked upstairs to where you were.Michael then saw you sitting down, and you looked at him and told him to come and shut the door. Michael then did what you asked and walked over to you, you then pointed at the bathtub and said that he had to take a bath.

Since there were bubbles in the bath, Michael immediately took off his clothes and went inside. Bubble baths is what makes Michael entertained, and it also reminds him of his mom doing his bath too! You squirted some conditioner on your hand and started untangling Michael's hair. After a little while of untangling his hair, you then fed Michael some snacks and told him that he did a great job of not complaining of showering! Just giving love and praise to Michael for doing such a great job!

Thomas & Bubba:

It was just a normal hot sunny day in Texas, and you have been working on doing a spa day with these two! Nice ice cold water for both of them, since their skin is always hot during hardworking days like these. Killing off people and making them as meat.

You got the ice bath ready, snacks, clay, etc! Now you have to tell them that they can come outside! You walked your home and told Thomas and Bubba that it was ready, Bubba got up from the chair he was sitting in and walked towards you, Thomas did the same too.

Walking to the backyard, Thomas and Bubba looked at the whole thing you made just for them! A nice cold bath, snacks, drinks, and some other stuff that they didn't know you made too! Since it was still hot outside almost all the ice melted, so it was still cold and Thomas and bubba love you so much that you took the time to make all this just for them. You also wanted to feed them some snacks which they let you! Luda Mae looked outside seeing that you made a spa for them, but with cold baths which she laughed at. But she was really happy that both boys are having fun and relaxing at the same time!

Billy Lenz & Brahms:

Doing a spa day is good for these two, because they always smell bad whenever they walk around the house. That's why these two are trying to find you in Brahms big mansion, until they found you in a big room that's like a big sauna room.

They looked at what you were doing at the spa, the snacks that were nearby, etc! You turned around and saw Billy and Brahms looking everywhere in the spa. You then walked to the door, closed it, and locked it just in case those two tried to run out from not taking a bath.. They wanted to know what was all this, until you told them that they had to take a bath. They fled to the door, but it was locked and saw that you were giving them your glare.

They sluggishly walked to the bath that was full of warm water with bubbles, took off their clothes, and went inside. You then placed the snack on a little foldable table, you grabbed a shower cloth and started scrubbing off all the dirt off of those two. You then grabbed the treats and fed them, they felt so relaxed and happy that you fed and washed them!

[bluecrocss]

Yes. You are racist. (Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one)

So approximately half a year since the premier of the Disney+ Percy Jackson show, and almost two years since the announcement of the Trio's casting, I would like to take this moment to look back at the insane, racist and anti-black backlash that was launched at Leah Sava Jeffries and a few other cast members from the PJO fandom.

I'm not concerned with the trolls who are openly racist, who resorted to racist slurs and outright threats, everyone agrees that they "took it too far". I want to talk about the rest of you, the "I'm not racist, but.." people, the "What's wrong with wanting book accuracy?" people. Just to let you know, for the unasked question... yes, yes you are.

I've noticed the Percy Jackson fandom has been lording some weird superiority complex over a certain *unnamed* fandom that has fallen out of grace due to their recently outed bigot of an author. But honestly, y'all are not much different. The amount of vitriol and anti-blackness I have seen from this fandom (beyond just bullying a 12 year old girl), y'all don't have a leg to stand on.

Below is a breakdown of the most common arguments I have seen used to justify y'alls absolutely insane bigotry. I am going to explain why none of these justify the amount of anger and vitriol y'all have sent towards Leah, Rick or any of the cast.

I am not here to argue, and this is not a democracy. I am giving you a chance for some self-reflection and to understand that this pattern of violence directed towards POC actors (mostly black women) has never been justified in the name of "book accuracy"/"comic book accuracy"/"ending forced diversity" or whatever other excuses y'all try to make up.

If you still try to justify or argue further for any of these points, I will just block you. I am not coddling you through your racism. If anyone has seen any other dumb arguments floating around that I might've missed, feel free to sound off in the comments.

She's not book accurate:

Neither is Percy, Luke, Grover, Dionysus, Poseidon, and just about every other named character.

Rick already made it clear that physical features were not the priority with casting, rather it was actors that embodied the role. So why are the biggest complaints about Annabeth and Zeus? 🤔

What? You're gonna say everyone else got backlash too? I see you trying to obscure the main issue by playing dumb 😉

See my friend, yes, there were one or two comments about how Percy's hair should be black or how Luke is supposed to be blonde, but as soon as Leah was cast, none of those actors got any significant backlash. In fact, Walker and Charlie literally have an army of fan girls at their beck and call, calling them the perfect Percy and Luke, despite neither being "Book accurate". But then again, have we not observed the pattern of White boy of the month vs WOC to hate for the year? (Yes, I know Charlie isn't white. Further adds to the irony, doesn't it).

Why include character descriptions if you won't stay true to them, you cry? Well, my dear sweet moron, see, books and TV are two different mediums. Because in literature, you can't *Literally* SEE the characters, the author has to add descriptions to paint a picture in your mind, in TV... that's not an issue. So unless the character's appearance is necessary to the plot (like Luke's scar, or Nico being Italian) the show runners can actually focus on more important things.. Like ACTING and PERSONALITY.

2. It's just not how I imagined her:

News flash, babe! ANNABETH ISN'T REAL. None of these character are. They are concepts that originated from the brain of Mr. Rick Riordan. It doesn't matter how YOU imagined her. There are millions of people who read these books that imagined her several different ways. When the creator of the character watched Leah's audition and said, 'Yes! She embodies the character I created!", your imagined version of Annabeth ceased to matter. And guess what? The books still exist... they have not been burned. Your version of Annabeth has not disappeared. Go read the books.

3. Zeus can't be black/Gods have to be Greek/*Insert Character* can't be black:

Y'all did not read the books, I swear. You have to be fake fans looking to troll atp.

The gods move based off the center of western civilization. They change their forms/environment to reflect the culture they are occupying (they did it with Rome, now they're doing it with America). The gods change forms all the time. How we see them is not their true form as a mortal would disintegrate if they were to see their true form.

America is a cultural melting pot (specifically NY where Mount Olympus is now based). If the god's choose forms that reflect the current society they inhabit, they could literally be any race (keep in mind NYC is only 33% white).

All of this is literally SPELLED OUT in the Lightning Thief.

Furthermore, if you're going to push the ethnically Greek thing... Poseidon is British with a British accent and Hermes is Latino. The only ethnically Greek actor is Dionysus (who still doesn't look book accurate). Y'all are sounding like some white supremacists because do you forget that race is a social construct?

Before the advent of the transatlantic slave trade, I can promise you that the Greeks and the Anglo-Saxons did NOT view themselves as the same people. Why are y'all not taking issue with Poseidon's actor then?

Also, Percy Jackson has canonically had a slew of explicitly black demigods since the second book (including Harriet Tubman, which I have mixed feelings about 😭), so I genuinely have no idea where some of y'all are going with this point.

4. She was our smart blonde representation:

Don't pmo. I swear to God!

White, blonde women have NEVER been excluded from Hollywood. Representation is not something you lacked. The dumb blonde stereotype was a simple branch off of a larger misogynistic "dumb woman" stereotype. It has not truly been relevant since the mid 2000s outside of childish jokes.

This iteration of Percy Jackson will probably not go beyond the first 5 books, based off pacing and the age of the actors. So here's a fun game: 5 bucks to the first person who can find me a quote in the first 5 Percy Jackson books, where Annabeth laments her insecurities about being blonde (hint: there aren't any).

Also, her blonde hair does not hold her back at Camp because she is head of the Athena Cabin who are highly respected (and guess what?), ARE ALL BLONDE!

Her insecurities about her hair color are two or three lines at most in the later books, not this fundamental, core part of her character y'all all of a sudden wanna pretend it was. And guess what, as a non-blonde black girl, I was able to read those scenes of Annabeth feeling undervalued because of her looks and relate to her even if she didn't look like me at the time.

Why all of a sudden can y'all not do that with a black Annabeth? By every metric black girls are undervalued for their intelligence in academia more than white girls are, regardless of hair color. So your little representation of a woman undervalued by her looks would still hold. Do y'all dehumanize black women so much, that you are incapable of empathizing with show!Annabeth's plight in the way I could with Book!Annabeth simply because she doesn't look exactly like you?

Your issue isn't that she isn't blonde, it's that she is NOT WHITE.

Furthermore, Becky Riordan had tweeted previously (before the show was even cast) that Annabeth never needed to be blonde (probably recalling the BS y'all put Alexandra Daddario through), so even if they cast a white Annabeth, the blonde hair was never a guarantee. the author and producers all agree that it was not a significant part of her character. It's been a non-issue since day one.

Also, stop acting like smart blondes are rare in media... If you don't go watch some Legally blonde, Iron Man (Pepper Potts), Zack and Cody (Maddie), Liv and Maddie, FMAB (Winry), Captain Marvel, She-Ra, Buffy, The boys (starlight) etc. etc., and go sit down somewhere 🙄🙄🙄 (those were literally all things I've watched recently, off the top of my head, btw 💀)

5. It's not about race, but...:

Yes it is. It was always bout race. No other actors got as much hate as Leah. Her grandmother and other family members on IG had to mute their comments because they were getting so many threats.

Alexandra Daddario had to come to her defense on Twitter. Rick had to put out an official statement on his website. This girl has endured years of psychological torment for simply having the best audition. No one else is book accurate, no one else is ethnically Greek (except Jason Mantzoukas). Walker literally has British and German ancestry.

Why was she being called racial slurs on reddit and in youtube comments?

I know what you're gonna say, "I actually had problems with the entire cast", "I actually had a bigger issue with Walker's hair color", blah blah blah. Then why aren't you in Walker's comment sections? Why are you only making your displeasure known on posts defending/advocating for Leah? Why is she always your first example of 'wrong casting"?

Well, she "looks the most different"... Look up the term "scapegoating".

"Oh, I don't agree with the harassment. I just don't like the casting." Guess what? She's already been cast. They are not going to uncast her. What do you get out of still complaining about it.

All the vitriol you're stirring about her when you complain about her on Social media, it is directing people to send her hate, even if you're not writing it directly. It's is not enough to "not agree" with the racism, it is your duty to actively prevent it. And btw, these are young gen z actors, they are active on social media. They see the edits of themselves (even comment on it) and they most likely see these little "harmless" complaints you're posting. Are your upset feelings really worth contributing to the racist dogpile on this poor girl?

6. Why couldn't they atleast give her blonde braids?:

Why should they? Y'all wanted blonde because of the "dumb blonde" trope... that doesn't apply to POC.

A blonde black girl is gonna be viewed the same as a non-blonde black girl (or at worst, someone might decide she's "ratchet" or some shit for wearing colored hair). What difference would it make?

Why shouldn't Walker dye his hair, then?

7. Annabeth has Gray eyes:

Less than 3% of the global population has "gray eyes". Even if they cast a white actor, they would've needed contacts. Her being black is not the reason Annabeth's eyes aren't gray. Simply put, it is a plot element they removed, like the whole "names have power" element, or Ares having flames for eyes, or Dionysus using his powers to grow strawberries at Camp.

That's how adaptations work. Unnecessary plot elements are cut to save time and budget. This has nothing to do with her casting. They probably also didn't want to make child actors wear contacts (not a new practice).

8. Even if Rick chose her, he was wrong/Disney is forcing him to be okay with it:

Where do I start? Rick created the character. He can't be wrong. Do y'all have no self-awareness? Death of the author has no place here, because y'all are hung up on an aspect of the character that is not relevant to her arc or development.

Y'all's justification for wanting a "book accurate" Annabeth is that she was such an inspirational and important character growing up, and yet your behavior is so in conflict with the character you claim means so much to you. You're narrow minded, dismissive of bigotry and injustice, and disrespectful to the wishes of the creator of your favorite character; everything that Annabeth would never be. Y'all were never genuine fans of the books. You're bigots that needed an outlet for your rage.

Keep in mind, Rick has said countless times that PercaBeth directly mirrors his relationship with his wife. Y'all think he would have allowed them to cast someone who doesn't live up to the woman who has been by his side for decades? The mother of his children?

Regarding Disney forcing him, show me one piece of direct evidence that proves Disney in anyway pressured Rick to cast her. Cuz if you can't, that's baseless speculation. And if you have to resort to baseless speculation, maybe try to examine why it's so important to you to hold on to this belief.

9. So, I'm racist because I hate "race swapping"?:

To start, there is a difference between "race swapping" and "color blind casting". Often times, when y'all complain about the former, you're actually mad about the latter.

It would be "race swapping" if Rick and the team decided ahead of time that they wanted a black Annabeth and ONLY allowed black actors to audition. But the actual reality was that they accepted auditions from everyone (there were white actors and non-black poc that also auditioned for the role) and chose the best person who embodied the role. They didn't "make Annabeth black" and they didn't "make Zeus black", they cast black actors for those roles.

Y'all think you're being slick with your wording. Dismissing that is implying that they did not earn their roles fair and square. Which is racist. It's the equivalent of going up to a black college student and telling them they only got in because of affirmative action. You're dismissing the achievements of a person solely because of their racial background.

For all you people complaining about "unfairness" and "forced diversity", I would think hiring based on merit would appeal to you 🤔

71% of theatrical Hollywood leads were white in 2024 in comparison to 29% POC and you still think "black washing" is a thing? You still get this angry over a black person fairly earning a role because you think in a time where Hollywood only knows to do remakes and adaptations, that the majority of lead roles still *have* to be reserved for white actors?

Once again, white people have never been excluded from Hollywood for being white. Representation has never been something you lacked nor is it something you can lose. Your anger comes from seeing a black face where you think they don't belong. Because you feel you are owed a disproportion of representation in Hollywood.

10. Woke agenda/DEI/Forced Diversity:

If you are unironically using any of these terms in a negative light, it's already too late for me to reason with you. Look up the term "dog whistle". If you are sharing the same terminology with Elon Musk and his fanboys, maybe reevaluate some things.

POC are objectively underrepresented and have been historically excluded through actual laws and policies in Hollywood. There is no such thing as "forced diversity", you have bought in to a right wing conspiracy theory.

"Woke" is a term that was intentionally appropriated from the black community. It originally meant being aware of injustice and systematic threats to the community and is now being weaponized by bigots. Good job.

Diversity and inclusion is a good thing.

11. But POC deserve to have their own stories told:

We do. And we have been fighting for it for over a century now, and we've made great strides, no thanks to y'all.

No thanks to y'all gaslighting us about how little representation we get or that representation matters at all. No thanks to y'all pushing the idea that POC can't sell globally and obscuring POC actors in international promos. No thanks to y'all continuing to whitewash even to this day (Bullet train, the beguiled, gods of Egypt, atla, every portrayal of Jesus ever, etc.). No thanks to y'all calling every piece of media that has more than one black lead and more than one queer couple "woke". No thanks to y'all throwing a fit every time a black person in a fantasy setting isn't a slave.

Fact of the matter is, y'all never cared about POC "getting their own stories", you're only parroting our own words back to us now as a politically correct way of saying, "leave white roles alone" lmao

Well fun fact, actors of color getting opportunities to play lead roles and allowing poc to "tell their own stories" are not mutually exclusive. If y'all cared that much, instead of bullying a 12 year old actress, you could actually support up and coming independent POC writers, directors, and studios 😱

12. Studios need to stop "setting up" actors of color:

Do me a favor and google the term DARVO.

Your racism is not the fault of the studios for giving a POC actor a role that they earned. It is not up to the rest of society to tiptoe around racists to avoid their vitriol. It is our responsibility to hold them accountable and protect minorities from unwarranted hate. At most, you can say it's the responsibility of the studios to provide adequate support to POC actors who face this backlash.

At the end of the day, Hollywood only allows very few spots for POC actors (especially WOC), while simultaneously pushing a new white boy every month to put in everything. Putting minorities in these roles that are usually closed to them, usually opens the door to more actors of color than before.

Brandy being cast as Cinderella did a lot to push her into the mainstream (yes, she was already extremely famous in the black community atp), Halle Berry being the first, black, bond girl literally shot her to icon status, and even going as far back to what Anna Mae Wong did for Asian American actresses with her "femme fatale" roles.

At the end of the day, even with the backlash, *some* rep does more good for POC actors than *no* rep. The solution to racist backlash isn't to take away those opportunities, but rather to not be racist??? 🙄

Also, for everyone that claims that "POC race-swapping" is just as bad as "white-washing", despite white washing having a longer history and objectively causing more harm, note how the backlash to white washing never lasts as long as the harassment that POC get.

Like, no one brings up Scarlett Johansson's ghost in the shell role anymore, but you can best believe Candace Patton is still fending off racist trolls. As much as people hated the atla movie, people moved on quick from Nicola Peltz playing Katara since she was just a kid that accepted the role (re: daddy bought her the role), but y'all would not have any of that consideration for Leah Sava Jeffries.

But I digress...

13. What if we made Tiana white? Wakanda white? Hazel white...:

Ah, my favorite inane point. I was so excited to get here :)

See, I could start out by pointing out how "White washing" and casting a POC actor as a traditionally white character are not equivalent.

I could point out the history of hollywood ACTIVELY excluding POC actors and POC stories. I could point out how grossly over represented white people are in hollywood. I could point out that POC characters are so few in comparison that whitewashing them causes actual harm, where white people have never lacked rep.

I could point out how, because poc characters and stories are so often tokenized that their racial/cultural background is often directly tied to their character's identity, in opposition to a lot of white characters, since hollywood treats white as the "Default".

See, I could make all those points, but the thing is, the people who make this argument already know all that. They are trying to waste time by drawing me into a pointless circular argument that will sum up to "fair is fair", while ignoring all the context and nuance I previously provided.

So you know what? Forget it. Let me play your game.

I am actually fine with a white Tiana. Would it make sense, for her and her family to experience Jim Crow era racism, in the south while white? No. But we can look past it. Disney was never known for historical accuracy anyway 🤷🏿‍♀️

However, in exchange, the live action frozen will have a black Elsa and Anna, live action Rapunzel will be black, live action Merida will be black, we're re-filming Cinderella and Beauty and the beast to cast a black belle and Cindy, snow white will need to be recast as black, and we also get aurora whenever the live action sleeping beauty is announced. But then y'all can keep Tiana, deal?

You want a white T'Challa? Fine! (I'm partial to Ryan gosling), in the meantime, we'll be recasting Iron man, Captain America (Steve version), Bruce banner, Thor, Loki, hawk eye, black widow, ant man, captain marvel, Bucky, Peter Parker etc. All the avengers and their side characters, then y'all can have Sam Wilson, war machine and the whole of Wakanda (will it make sense that a sole, hidden, African nation is randomly made up of white people? Who cares? We get the avengers!).

You want white Hazel? You got her! I hope you have no problem with us taking Percy, Nico, Will, Poseidon, Jason, calypso, Rachel, Tyson, Silena, the stoll brothers, Sally Jackson, Hades, Hepheastus, ares, etc. But y'all can have Hazel and Beckendorf.

If we're gonna do this, let's commit all the way. Fair is fair, after all.

14. Leah isn't as "pretty" as Book Annabeth/Movie Annabeth:

I wish I could say this wasn't a genuine point I had read, but when all else fails, they will always go for a woman's appearance.

Now first of all, as a rule, I will never hold black women to white beauty standards. Our hair will never be long and silky enough, our nose will never be narrow enough, our skin will never be fair enough and our eyes will never be light enough (Might I recommend Toni Morrison, when you get the chance?). But Leah is unfairly gorgeous idc what any of you say, and you're not gonna have me use my defense of Leah as an opportunity to bash Alexandra either because she is also beautiful. These two queens slayed to the best of their abilities within this toxic ass fandom.

I find it funny, however, that so many of you harped on the "blonde" issue because you thought it was important that Annabeth be seen beyond just her looks, but quickly devolve to bashing an actress's looks when it comes to why she's not right for this role 🤔

I would also like to sincerely apologize that the 13 year old girl they cast in the show, wasn't as sexually attractive to you as the 24 year old woman they cast in the movie and sexualized through like 25% of her screen time (I'm actually not sorry. You're very weird if this is an actual point for you).

15. I don't agree with sending hate to the actor, but she's just not right for the role:

Once again, what are you doing by complaining about her casting on no other basis than her race?

The creator of the character said she embodied the role. She has already been cast, and Disney would be in a legal/production hell to recast her atp. Just because you're not directly leaving comments on her social media doesn't mean you're not part of the hate mob.

No matter how you look at it, your issues with her casting come from a very entitled and narrow-minded place. When you join in on these dialogues you are bolstering a sentiment that pushes more people to harass this teenage girl. When you leave these "harmless" complaints, on show content, fan posts or posts defending her, she's liable to read them because the cast regularly interact with fans online.

What do you have to say that is so important that it trumps protecting a young girl from the long-staying trauma of racism, of being told she doesn't deserve something she worked for because of how she was born?

16. I can't even criticize the show without being called racist:

Get. Over. Yourself.

Y'all are not the victim. Have fans of the show gotten protective of Leah and the young cast? Yes.

With good reason. This fandom is unbearably toxic.

Racism outweighs your need for a "perfect adaptation", sorry.

If you explain yourself properly and keep your critiques fair (like, even I don't think this was a perfect season, and will be sharing my thoughts shortly), no one is gonna call you racist.

You're preempting with that because in all honesty, you're probably planning to use your "critiques" of the show to pivot to one of the many points that I just outlined, and you want to pre-empt the criticism.

If a black Annabeth is the end all be all for you, just don't watch the show, no one's holding a gun to your head. Geez.

17. I'm Black/POC and I don't agree...:

Hey, Candace Owens... No one gives a shit.

First of all, for all the "I'm POC and I don't agree" people, you don't speak for us. Anti-blackness is rampant in just about every culture globally. You being not-white doesn't somehow make you less prone to hating black people.

But for the "I'm black and I don't agree" leftovers (assuming you're not just a 👩🏼‍💻 behind a keyboard). Black people are not a monolith. You're not obligated to think a certain way because you're black.

But consider why you're putting yourself up as a barrier to protect this hate mob. It's one thing to just state why you don't like Leah's casting, but to start off your spiel with "I'm actually black" as a way to weaponize the very identity politics you're critiquing... very strange. Not to mention, what are you defending?

The black community is coming together to defend one of our own, a kid who has been receiving death threats since she was 12, and this is when you feel the need to back the opposition?

I mean whatever... sometimes the house slaves would snitch to the master. There will always be some of y'all in the woodwork. It is what it is.

But when the exact ideology you defend is turned against you, when a Baltimore elected official is being accused of getting his job through "DEI", when conservatives are claiming that they wouldn't "trust a black pilot", don't decide that's where you'll finally draw your line in the sand.

All that being said, This is my Annabeth:

May every tongue that rose against Leah Sava Jeffries Shrivel and die in 2025 🙏🏿 My girl will keep winning ❤️

(video by @/waleahhasmyheart on TikTok)

[gasstationlady]

right person, right timing, right? | a charles leclerc social media au | pt. 1

pairing: charles leclerc x figureskater!reader (fc: jennie kim and some yuna kim)

after almost a decade, monaco's two-time olympic women's figure skating champion, y/n l/n, moves back home for her retirement.

notes: y/n's career is inspired by kim yuna's career! hopefully it’s not too confusing to read and follow 😭

disclaimer: typos. swearing. chatgpt french. i'm not the most educated in figure skating, so pls excuse any mistakes! photos aren't mine, nothing here is factual.

masterlist ⋆ next

nbcsports

92,932 likes

nbcsports Y/N L/N announces retirement after 2024 World Championships

The Queen of Figure Skating has taken her last bow.

NBCSports writer Kyle Smith tweets word that Y/N L/N, whose bid to become a fourth-consecutive World champion was narrowly denied today by the United States's Carolyn Rivers, has confirmed that she will retire at the age of 25.

The Monegasque superstar will end her stellar career with the 2018 and 2022 Olympic gold, three world championships, and the distinction of never finishing off the podium in her senior-level international career.

Read the rest of the article now on our website.

View all 508 comments

user no. fucking. way. please say sike rn

user God I don't blame her, figure skating is turning into math these days. She deserved that gold.

user ik monaco is depressed as hell rn LOL bc same

↳ user The way that's so accurate because imagine the #1 athlete representing your country is all of a sudden retiring. 😭😭 Monaco literally only has 2 Olympic medals EVER and they were both won by Y/N, if that doesn't say how significant she is to the country then idk.

↳ user i heard they even nicknamed her "Ice Queen Y/N" 😭😭

↳ user Yes, she is called "La Reine des Glaces" in Monaco!

user no hate to carolyn at all but she isn't rlly a complete skater. i'm extremely disappointed with the judging today

user wow i suddenly can't read

user Nooooo not my favorite skater ☹️

user i can't imagine watching a competition without y/n present :( such a major loss for the fs community, but i wish her the best in her retirement! 🥺🥺

user she just did one of the best performances i've ever seen, just to end up winning silver?? make it make sense fr

yourusername

liked by _kagavovskay_14, mlnmarta and 140,861 others

yourusername chez moi est là où est mon cœur, je t'aime monaco 🇲🇨 SEE TRANSLATION home is where my heart is, i love you monaco 🇲🇨

View all 1,816 comments

graciegold95 Beautiful 💞

↳ yourusername 💞💞

user are you quiting skating forever? :(

↳ yourusername i’ll be taking a break for a while but i will always skate, just not competitively! ❤️

user Nous regretterons de vous voir compétitionner, mais nous espérons que vous passerez une retraite incroyable, notre reine des glaces. SEE TRANSLATION We will miss watching you compete, but we hope you have an amazing retirement, our ice queen.

↳ yourusername Merci beaucoup ❤️ SEE TRANSLATION Thank you so much ❤️

isabeau.levito 🥹❤️❤️

mae_meite Je te souhaite tout le meilleur, jolie 💞 SEE TRANSLATION Wishing the best for you, pretty 💞

user so beautiful

user Bienvenue chez toi ! SEE TRANSLATION Welcome back home !

user i can’t be the only one wishing for charles and y/n to reunite (and get back together) now that she moved back to Monaco 😅

↳ user STOP BC LITERALLY ME TOOO 😭😭😭

↳ user omg i thought i was the only one who remembered they dated

y/nupdates

5,211 likes

y/nupdates Y/N attending a fundraising event in Paris! This is her first appearance since announcing her retirement three weeks ago 🥹

View all 55 comments

user I already miss seeing her on the ice 🥲

user omgg her wearing chanel is everything

user aww she looks so happy!!

user How did charles fumble her

↳ user i'm pretty sure that it was just the wrong time for them :(

↳ user Ik that they broke up bc she moved to Canada for skating but why couldn't they just do long distance 😩😩

user y/n will forever be my celebrity crush 😍😍

leclerc16

2,332 likes

leclerc16 Charles in Paris with fans today!

View all 30 comments

user seeing everyone surrounding him overwhelms me and i’m not even there 😩

user am i delusional for thinking he’ll somehow see y/n in Paris 😭😭

↳ user I mean they also both have been in Monaco the past two months and so far no interactions between them 😐

↳ user well no interactions that we know of 😁🤔

user charles looks so bf here

yourusername

liked by chanelofficial, lorenzotl, arthur_leclerc and 160,323 others

yourusername merci @/chanelofficial de m'avoir invitée 💞 SEE TRANSLATION thank you for inviting me 💞

View all 433 comments

chanelofficial 💞💞

user face card never declines

user so pretty 😍😍

user omg not arthur AND lorenzo liking this pic?? 👀

↳ user the logical side of me thinks it’s normal bc they all grew up together but at the same time it’s kind of sus since it’s usually just Arthur liking and not both🤔

↳ user 😭😭😭

user wait i’m confused why did she retire at such a young age?

↳ user It’s actually quite common for competitive figure skaters to retire “early.” Y/N hasn’t stated an official reason but I’m assuming the physical and mental exhaustion just got to her, especially because the sport has been favoring difficulty over artistry lately 🤷‍♀️

mlnmarta

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 33,522 others

mlnmarta Les aventures avec sa tante Y/N sont ses préférées ❤️ SEE TRANSLATION Adventures with her Aunt Y/N are her favorite ❤️

View all 193 comments

yourusername le temps avec Chiara est mon préféré 🥰 SEE TRANSLATION Time with Chiara is my favorite 🥰

user the cutest duo 🥹

user Why is this y/n girl suddenly everywhere

↳ user umm y/n and marta are childhood friends lmao they’ve always posted each other! i think the internet has just amplified everything recently

user so does y/n have no job now lmfao

↳ user I'm like 98% sure she's gonna end up being a figure skating coach or an influencer or both

↳ user guys she's literally still working with her sponsors and i don't think they're dropping her any time soon

↳ user Chilllll she deadass just retired

user NO WAY CHARLES LIKED

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lorenzotl and 597,390 others

yourusername Je voulais juste remercier tous ceux qui sont venus me soutenir lors de ma dernière présentation à Monaco. Je suis infiniment reconnaissante. Ce n'est pas la fin, mais plutôt le début d'un nouveau chapitre. ❤️

I just wanted to thank everyone who came to support me at my final showcase in Monaco. I’m endlessly grateful. This is not the end, instead it’s the start of a new chapter. ❤️

View all 2,104 comments

yourbestie À couper le souffle. Je t'aime ❤️ SEE TRANSLATION Breathtaking. I love you ❤️

user je n'ai pas pu m'empêcher de pleurer en regardant 😭😭 SEE TRANSLATION i couldn’t help the tears from falling while watching 😭😭

user you’re amazing 🫶🏼

chanelofficial 💞💞

adidas A true queen 👑

user WAITTTTT CHARLES LIKED

↳ user It’s aggravating to see Charles constantly being mentioned in Y/N’s comments. Other than that, this is a reach. I think everyone is forgetting that Y/N is highly respected in Monaco so it’s not unusual for Charles to like her photos. You can even check; all of Charles friends and other well known individuals from Monaco are also in her likes.

↳ user lmfaoooo it’s truly not that deep girl, it’s okay to smile

user her adding in her own translation is so real of her 😭

user There will never be another skater as graceful and talented as you 🥺🥺

f1gossip

12,388 likes

f1gossip Charles Leclerc seen with ex-girlfriend Camille Dubois driving around Monaco. Many fans were convinced he was back with a different ex, Y/N L/N, after Charles and his family were spotted at Y/N’s retirement showcase last week. Always Mr. Indecisive 👀👀

View all 116 comments

user bruh 😐

user This is crazy wtf i’d be pissed if i were y/n

user CAMILLE AND NOT Y/N BYEE i’m sliding down the wall punching the air sobbing bc what the hell

user i’m going insane contemplating the possibility that y/n and charles were always just friends and never had any intentions to get back together

user not what i wanted to see first thing in the morning 👎

user guys was it all in our heads

[cepheusgalaxy]

"So, you wanna make them ace?"

Asexuality 101: Making your characters asexual

Indroduction: Ok, so, from what I've seen in fandom and in general, most people don't really know how to write an asexual character. Many just quit it and make them allosexual, others just struggle their way without having much of a guide. Prime example is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, whom many people want to involve in sexual scenarios so they go with the "asexuality is a spectrum" route. Problem is, they don't understand how asexuality is a spectrum exactly and then they just end up writing their characters as allo. Now, how to avoid this? Teaching them!

If you're looking for a good way to get started with your own asexual oc, an ace headcanon or a media charater, I've got you! (i mention sex briefly here in some parts)

My credentials: I'm ace.

The basics

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is generally defined by the lack of sexual attraction, or a very little amount of it. Sexual attraction is many times confused with libido, which is the sexual desire. Sexual attraction is more accurately, "the desire of having sex with this specific person." Therefore, some ace people do have a libido, and do want to have sex, but mostly are just not attracted to a person.

Myths and misconceptions

Asexuals can't have sex - as many shippers say, "asexuality is a spectrum", and while some aces don't have sex indeed, they can want it and have it as well. Person to person scenario

Asexuals don't know nothing about sex - unless the ace in question is a child, they probably may know, in fact, a lot. Many ace people like reading, watching or consuming smut, and by this and other means, even if they don't have sex themselves, they pretty much know how it is and how it works. Sex is everywhere, after all. Hard to miss

Asexuality is caused by trauma - it can be! Just not always, and most aces are simply born this way

Asexuality is a medical condition - much like homosexuality, asexuality is frequently treated as an illnes and many ace people are forced into conversion therapy. Some people also hold the belief that asexuality is caused by an anormality in a person's hormones, a mental illness, etc. But it is not true! Asexual people can obviously also be mentally ill in some way, but these are different things. It is just a sexual orientation like any other!

Asexuality is caused by HRT - hormone replacement therapy, ie. taking testosterone or estrogen, is one of the most common type of medical transition for trans people. Some hold the belief that taking hormones like those can "break" your sexuality (estrogen does sometimes decrease a person's libido, but it depends on the person's organism and it doesn't take your sexual attraction away from you), and turn you asexual

Asexuality is caused by autism - this myth may be originated from the fact that many autistic people are in fact asexual, or by the fact that both asexuals and autistic people tend to be infantilized a lot. However, as much as autistic people are very commonly also ace, asexuality is not, in fact, a symptom of autism

Basic terminology

Ace - short for "asexual".

Aro - short for "aromantic"; someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, aka typically "doesn't fall in love".

Allo - somebody who does experience attraction. "Allosexual" is someone who is not asexual, and "alloromantic" is someone who is not aromantic.

Aspec - short for "a-spectrum". The a-spectrum is an umbrella term for anyone who is in any way ace, aro, aplatonic, afamilial, or other identities that fit here.

Acespec - short for "asexual spectrum/ace spectrum". It's a part of the a-spectrum and contemplates all asexuality.

Aesthetic attraction - finding someone pretty or beatiful, without necessarily wanting to have sex with them. Many ace people who didn't know they were ace report to having used to mistake it with sexual attraction.

Sensual attraction - similar to sexual attraction; the desire to touch someone, but without wanting to actuall have sex with them. Many ace people also confused this with sexual attraction.

Aphobia - discrimination against aspec people.

Amatonormativity- the belief that everybody is happier in a relationship, wether they want it or not, and should want and seek to be in one, and the general root of aphobia.

The Split Attraction Model

If you are looking on the ace community for a while, you might have heard of the split attraction model--if you haven't, here it is:

Image description: The Split Attraction Model, a cross chart inside a square, with four ends. The first end of the cross is labelled "ace", its opposite is labelled as "alloce", the third end is labelled as "alloro" and it's opposite is labelled as "aro". The section on the "alloro" and "ace" square is labelled "alloromantic asexual", the section in the "ace" and "aro" part is labelled "aromantic asexual", the section on the "alloro" and "alloce" square is labelled as "alloromantic allosexual" and the section on the "aro" and "alloce" section is labelled "aromantic allosexual". /end ID.

The split attraction model divides all orientations in four groups: The aroaces, the aroallos, the alloaces and the alloallos. It is usually shortened to "SAM".

Many people find this model useful, because it sorts your attraction into two groups: allo- and a-, and yes and no. It's simple and easy.

Many aces do not use this model to explain their attraction/lack thereof though! Hence the first distinction of aces we have here: SAM-aces and non-SAM-aces. Basically aces who use the Split Attraction Model and aces who prefer not to!

A non-SAM ace may define their asexuality as their romantic orientation as well, or label themselves differently altogether. While a SAM ace could call themselves an "asexual aromantic" or an "asexual alloromantic", a non-SAM ace could call themselves just "an asexual". In this case, they can be neither "alloro" nor "aro".

If your character is aware of their sexuality and identifies as ace, it's good to know wether they use the Split Attraction Model for themselves or not.

The spectrum

You may have heard that "asexuality is a spectrum" a thousand times, but what does it mean?

Just like "non-binary", "asexual" can be an identity on its own, but it is actually an umbrella term for a bunch of orientations. When we say that it is a spectrum, we are saying that there is Nuance. "Ace who doesn't date", "ace who dates", "ace who experiences just a little bit of sexual attraction", "aces who like sex" and so on. 'But Angel', you ask me, 'didn't you say that asexuality is when people don't have sexual attraction?' It can be! But there IS nuance, and that's what I am here to tell you.

There are two more factors beyond the SAM that you can consider:

"Are they sex repulsed, sex favorable, or sex neutral?"

Here is the "aces can still have sex" thing. A sex repulsed ace is probably what the majority of people think when they hear "asexual". It is an ace person who doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to have it, is disgusted by it, despises sexual intimacy, etc. They are the aces who tipically just don't want to have sex, and are very happy without it.

A sex favorable asexual is someone who likes it. Sure, they don't feel sexual attraction, but who's letting it stop them, right? They like sexual acts, they are fine and happy with having sex in general, and that's what the "aces can still have sex" point means. Yes, they can, if they want to! Maybe your character themself doesn't define themselves as neither repulsed nor favorable, but it's good to know what their instance on sex is.

Sex neutral asexuals are aces who are not repulsed by it, but are not really into it either. They may have sex, they may be fine with it, they may like it even, but they generally don't have a desire or strong feelings regarding it. It's just sex, after all.

Sex ambivalent asexuals are another thing I want to touch on. They are tipically aces whose instance on sex changes! Sometimes they may feel repulsed by it, sometimes they may want it, sometimes they may not care. They are neither strictly one, nor another. Their feelings change!

It's good to see where in this categorization your character or blorbo would be.

Inside the asexual spectrum, where do they stand?

If I were to represent the ace spectrum as a linear thing, I'd do it like this:

Image description: A linear representation of the asexual spectrum, in the shape of an arch. In one end, it is written "asexual", on the other, it is written "allosexual" and on the very middle, at the top of the arch, it is written "gray-asexual". /end ID.

or like this:

Image description: Another linear representation of the asexual spectrum. One of the ends is a black circle and the other is a white circle. Between them, a gradient goes from one circle to another, passing through different shades of gray. The black end is labelled as "asexual", the white end is labelled as "allosexual", and the gradient with shades of gray is labelled "different kinds of Gray-As". /end ID.

What is graysexual, you ask me? We all know that the world is not black-and-white, and as so, sexuality is also not. Grayace is a term for a person that is also asexual, but not strictly: that is, they are the "feels a little of sexual attraction" part of the spectrum. It is called like that because when we put asexual and allosexual in two ends of a spectrum, graysexuality stands in this gray area.

Gray sexuals may:

Experience sexual attraction only sometimes

Experience light sexual attraction

Experience sexual attraction under certain conditions in certain scenarios, for example, when they are already very intimate with a certain person

And many more! Graysexuality is on itself a spectrum, but having an idea of allosexual -> graysexual -> strictly asexual is already a good guide. Graysexuality can also be described as "having partial sexual attraction".

Fun fact about gray-aces: The asexual flag has four stripes; purple, white, gray and black. The purple stripe is meant to be a color signifier of the community, the white means allosexual, the gray means the gray aces and the black stripe represents people with strictly no sexual attraction. Hence the term "black stripe asexual" (which is not very popular but I personally like).

Micro-labels

You already have a basic understanding of the asexual spectrum and how it works, so you can think on where exactly in the spectrum your character/blorbo is. To help you out further, I present you the microlabels! Much like non binary is an umbrella term with many microlabels like genderqueer, xenogender and demigender, that help one explain their identity with more and more specific explanations, asexuals also have a lot of microlabels! Here are some:

Cupiosexual - asexual person that wishes to have a sexual relationship (example: i am cupioromantic person and i am basically a hopeless romantic and a yearner. cupiosexuality is similar, but with sex)

Gray sexual - asexual person with partial sexual attraction

Demisexual - asexual person who can only be attracted to people they already have a bond with

Abrosexual - person whose sexuality is fluid, and may be asexual at one time, bisexual at another, gay at another, etc.

Aceflux - asexual person whose sexuality changes, like abrosexual, but only between asexual identities

Aegosexual - asexual person who likes the idea of sex or fantasises about it, as long as it doesn't envolve them

Lythosexual - asexual person who is only sexually attracted to people they are not close with, and their sexual attraction fades out once the become closer

Myrsexual - asexual person that uses multiple asexual identities to describe their sexuality

Aroace - aromantic asexual person

Alloace - alloromantic asexual person

Apothisexual - sex-repulsed asexual person

These are not all micro labels in the asexual spectrum, but they are quite a lot. Maybe even if your charater is not sure if they are in a certain label or not, you may find them in some of these descriptions.

Links to resources with more microlabels: Tumblr post by @aroacesafeplaceforall (no images) /

/ A slightly longer list on asexuals.net (undescribed flags) /

/ Another guide for microlabels on lgbtqia.fandom.com (undescribed flags)

Bonus questions

Is it okay if I make my asexual character autistic? Is it not stereotyping? Yes, it's okay. There are actual asexual autistic people, and I'm sure they'd love to get represented as well!

Is it okay if I make my asexual character have sex? Is it not erasure? Yes, you can do that too! As long as it is where they stand in the spectrum (as explained in the topics above), you are doing a good thing by representing sex-favorable asexuals.

Do I have to make a romantic orientation for them too? No. Your character may be a non-sam ace, and identify as ace alone!

I heard that it is erasure if I make smut fanfic of ace character X. I don't get it how! While it is true many ace people have sex, many people when writing that just ignore their sexuality when writing/drawing smut of them! The spectrum is wide, so when you are doing that, remember where they stand on it.

Why can't I headcanon this ace character as allosexual? I headcanon straight characters as gay/bi/pan all the time and nobody says it's wrong! If people don't like my headcanon why can't they just look away? Because asexual people are a marginalized group, unlike straight people, so it is as okay to make them allo as it is to take an asian or black or jewish character and make them white. Because it is not just an individual headcanon; it's a part of a much bigger problem, and by avoiding headcanoning ace characters as allo, you are confronting your own internalized aphobia, which is a good thing! If you still want to make them have sex, well, that's what I made this guide for! So you can make them have sex as you wish without erasing their identity.

I am ace and am basing myself or my own experiences here. Is it okay if I...? The answer is generally yes. If you wanna write about a different ace experience than your own, a little bit of research won't hurt, though!

Is this enough for me to write my ace character? It is a start. This is a general guide, and there are some things I haven't touched on this guide (like aphobia) so I'd advice you to do more in-depth research on topics you want to focus more on, but this should get you pretty far.

Extra

"Is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel canonically ace or aroace?" (slightly related, because some people looking for this guide to write this guy might want to know this too)

Answer: link to a post clearing this up this with some sources. Short answer though, is that he is confirmed to be ace, not aroace.

"If I didn't understand something here, or I have more questions, can I ask you?"

Answer: Yes! You can reblog this post with questions, and my inbox is also open, and I make sure to always let anon on. I will be happy to help if I can.

"One of the image descriptions on this post was off or confusing, can you change it to X so it is better to understand it?"

Answer: Of course! I will need you to signal me in either the notes or in the inbox what I need to change, though.

"Are asexual people queer?"

Answer: Yes! Because the queer community, as the name suggests, is for people who are different, odd, and are not considered "normal" because of that. Asexual people are not a part of "the norm", because we don't feel sexual attraction, and therefore, we, and by extension your ace characters too, are queer.

<2

[anaargent]

ANOTHER FIVE PT 2

FIVE HARGREEVESXREADER

parte 1 aqui -> https://www.tumblr.com/anaargent/758436879965274112/the-heaven-is-here?source=share

-Ookay - you say after a long pause, your hands tightly clasped with the new five, who after ending the confusion stated that everything was wrong in this timeline - so shouldn't I be in this line?

-Almost that - he says, still sitting on the couch next to you - you shouldn't be on that five's timeline - with a tone of disdain on his tongue, he points to his five, who was now in commission mode activated, keeping a safe distance from his clone - by the way, you don't look anything like me, I must say my dear.

Five glares at the other, the gears in his head turning, perhaps debating between hitting the clone or listening to him

-so where is she supposed to be, genius? - Diego asks confused, with a defensive tone. Everyone seemed to exist with all the information.

-Max - the new five says unperturbed, his personality was almost as unfriendly as the five from the first Apocalypse - She's part of my timeline, where no disappearance happened.

-So how the hell are you here and she is too "Max"?- Five approaches cautiously - how are we going to trust you?

- As much as I would love to, we don't have time to strengthen relationships here, little brother - Max says smiling as he gets up, pulling me with him - apparently you're not smarter than my family either, so I advise you to hurry up and look for Viktor and Ben, you're coming with me, dear - his tone became softer as he turned to me.

Klaus and Diego stand up together, ready to protest. -Whoa, wait a moment - you say, planting your feet on the ground - where am I going? How will I know you're telling me the truth.

Max keeps a calm look - You'll need to trust me, just like you trusted him - he points to Five. After a few minutes of discussion and a farewell too brief to calm his mind, everyone was ready to try to save the world once again. - Stay sober and take care of yourself - you sniff as you pull away from Klaus' hug, who murmurs a sad "I promise but I don't know if I'll keep my word" - and you too, brother - you jump into Diego's open arms, who was trying his best not to be shaken by the sudden separation.

.

.

-So this is the plan? I'm just going to swallow that shiny thing into the void and that's it? - You mumble in confusion, already sitting in the strange subway with Max - Does it all end?

He turns around smiling, a hint of nostalgia filling his beautiful eyes (focus s/n! This has happened before) - Everything ends, the timelines will be separated, everyone in their places, and you with me.

You let out a nervous laugh and look away from the intense look he gave you to the extremely interesting subway window - It doesn't make sense - You turn back to him - How did I end up on the wrong line?

-Believe me, I've been looking for this answer for years, but you're here now- he answers in a melancholic tone, there was more behind those words, but for now you decide not to press this new five, who seemed more fractured by time than the five you know, as if he had already seen too much of this world, and maybe he had .

.

.

You were standing in front of what looked like a huge slimy ball, with a deformed face and long fingers. Scared wouldn't be an accurate word for what you were feeling right now. Closing your eyes, you put your hands on the ground, where the roots of the giant slide spread everywhere, feeling them move over your fingers. "Come on, girl," you murmured nervously. "It's all or nothing."

Then you felt an intense pain take over your body, tearing your skin to rise to the surface, opening the great void and swallowing everything in that damned mall. Everything was a blurry memory, the void sucking the Durango completely, draining all your strength. When you opened your eyes, you gathered the courage to smile tiredly. It was over, your family was saved. Exhaustion finally set in, taking what was left. You prepared to hit the ground and surrender to the void. But you felt soft hands hold your body, lifting you from the cold floor, pulling you out of unconsciousness.

-You got it my lovely little wife, now let's go home - Max smiled proudly as he wrapped the girl in front of him with his arms devotedly. watching you smile lightly as you rested your head on his shoulder.

[cvnt4him]

Wardrobe malfunction. ᯓ Izuku x kirishima

synopsis ᯓ ❝ you're on your way to check up on your friends to see if they've gotten all suited up in their Mirko outfits for the photoshoot, you see one of them had a bit of trouble..izuku being the helpful guy he is, he offers the red haired foe a hand,.. things get a little..too handy in the meantime..❞

warnings ➪ m!sub, soft!dom zuzu, mm4f, anal, oral m recieve, fingering, spit mention, slight hair pulling

day 9; ೃ࿔ 𝑐𝑣𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔨𝔱𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯!

Your former classmates back in highschool and you were getting ready to do a photoshoot you all done once before; a reunion type of thing. You were honoring and representing the infamous pro hero Mirko by wearing her hero outfit.

Once you were all suited up, your makeup and hair done so nicely, you ready yourself to check on your peers. Walking down the halls you check on most to all of your friends. Peeping in their dressing rooms to assure they're alright and other things.

“ everything good in here?”

“ better than ever!!”

Your friend mina said, you give her a warm smile before closing the door behind you.

You soon then walk to midoriya's dressing room, you knock gently and call out to check on him only to get no response.

“ I'm coming in...”

You open the door to an empty dressing room. That's rather odd? Maybe he was by the snack bar? You hear a sudden chatter in the dressing room down the hall and walk towards the noise.

“ kirishima.. maybe he's seen deku?”

You peek your ear at the door,...not to eavesdrop just to.....listen..quietly.

“ these measurements...it's a shame after all these years they still haven't gotten mine right..”

“ hmm, what do you mean kiri?”

“ just that I spill out in certain.....places...”

“ ahh, I see...”

“ i thought they gave you a bigger suit this time to fix it...here let me see..”

“ I mean it's just embarrassing... I don't understand how they keep messing it up.....”

You hum to yourself and slowly open the door with a knock before announcing yourself.

“ uh- hey, is everything alright in here?”

“ oh! y/n, hello! now isn't... a good time.. come back later?”

“ oh. I see well, I can come back another ti— ”

“ what no! c’mon let her stay! we could use the extra company!”

“ well.. I just figured since your suit is uhm......,

The green hair maled paused as he looked kirishima up and down with a nervous smile.

-,th-that maybe you would need some privacy..?”

“ nah it's all good! come on in y/n!”

You smile at the friendly giant and welcome yourself into his dressing room. You close the door behind you as you stand next to deku and offer him a polite smile. To no surprise he gives you one right back.

“ so, uh, whats going on-.. woah.”

“ oh kirishima...”

“ I've got it fixed see!”

The red haired male turns away from the mirror to show you both how he "fixed" his situation.

Neither of you dare to look away just staring at the man's crotch. Izuku was quite flustered unknowing of what to do or even to say. You were in the same boat, how were you supposed to speak when this guys cock was literally bulging against the suit; he wasn't even hard?!

“ you really have no shame, huh.”

“ shame? nah man! shames unmanly!”

Well..you gotta respect his morals. He was cute to say the least, his die hard attitude and constant cheery personality. It was different and definitely comfortable to be around. He was a naturally positive guy. You couldn't help but smile at his words.

“ you look amazing y/n! like a cute little bunny!”

Izuku was quick to agree complimenting and pointing out small details that suits your body so well before realizing what he was saying and saying away. Idiots

“ well, I'm glad they at least got your measurements right.. they can never seem to get mine accurate.”

“ you're a big guy, you seem to get bigger every time I see you haha!”

“ y'know she's not wrong kiri.”

“ it seems to fit you everywhere but uhm... there. I can help if you'd like!”

Izuku hums to himself before offering a helping hand. Kirishima was quickly flushed but soon agreed.

Wow.

You watched as izuku walked towards him and got down on his knees slowly in front of the man, eyes never leaving his. Kirishima gulped down and izukus hand raised to approach his crotch before he suddenly stopped.

“ uh, do you mind if I....?”

“ oh.. i- uh- uhm! no.. nope! go right ahead..!”

Izuku smiled for a quick second as an okay before he began trying to "help" the larger male. Your eyes widened in surprise. You were seriously watching your male friend sit with his face directly centered at your other male friends...dick. albeit clothed, but still.

It was an interesting watch to say the least. You felt slightly guilty... Should you turn away.. is-, is that most respectful? Is this something you shouldn't be watching orrr....

“ what uhm.. are you gonna do bro...?”

“ hmm... well, this is gonna sound very awkward but uh...,

Izuku looked down quickly then back up to kirishimas eyes.

have you ever uhm.. considered tucking?”

“ tucking?”

Holy hell.. quite the conversation. You choked on your spit at the mention. You wouldn't lie, you were intensely curious on why and how izuku knew what it was. Not that he was dumb or anything it's just not something you would imagine him needing to know. Or even knowing for that matter,... Or even recommending it to others?!

They both looked at you as you coughed concerned if you were alright, you caught your breath and gave them a thumbs up before their attention turned back to one another.

“ d..don't ask me how I know what it is but; it's where you uhm..tuck your "bits" so it gives you a flat appearance!”

“ it's just that....kirishima, you're very uhm. well endowed? I really think it could help.”

He explained it perfectly. You were too damn curious.

“ hm.. never heard of it...,”

“ yeah, how do you even know what that is, izuku?”

You tease questioning the man on his knees. He squeezed at the question slowly turning back to look at you with nervous eyes and a just as nervous chuckle before stammering on his words.

“ yeah, I'll try it.”

Kirishima was deep in thought before finally speaking up and causing izuku to shut up. Which izuku was thankful for.

“ oh, midoriya are you alright? your face is very red..”

“ y- yeah yeah! haha, I'm fine.. just.... here, let me help...”

“ m..midoriya....”

“ hang in there for me, kirishima..”

Fucking hell. Izuku was literally about to touch kirishimas cock. You gulped down and looked away turning your head and using your hand to half ass cover your vision. You admired the ceiling and even the mirror lights trying your hardest to ignore the little sounds you heard from the larger male.

Kirishima was utterly flustered, he didn't know what to do while izuku touched him gently. Izuku tried his hardest to get it done as quick as possible, y'know trying to help a friend out! But it didn't turn out as planned....

“ oh.. uhm, kirishima are you...hard?”

Fuck...

“ ah! uh- uhm, here! let me uh— ahem! Do that!”

You felt so out of place while everything went down; as you should feel. Yet you ridicule yourself for feeling a swirly feeling in your stomach...it's not like you wanted to see kirishimas cock hard or anything. Haha...hah.

Izuku looked up at the red haired male who quickly pulled away from izuku and turned around. He had such an non judgemental look in his wide green eyes. To be fair, it did look like he had nothing on his mind half the time when he looked at people with those big ass eyes but still.

“ im sorry it's just... uhm.. it's been a long time since..”

“ your hand is uhm.. surprisingly soft and,”

Izuku stood to his feet with a small snicker and a sweet smile.

“ oh, haha! thanks?”

You turned your gaze back and looked izuku up and down with a small smirk. He looked at you and blushed before rolling his eyes, his smile still present.

You look to kirishima who was a flustered mess, he was terribly red and trying his hardest to regain his composure.

“ it uhm... was my quirk guys, t.. totally..”

The look you and izuku gave each other then him was diabolical.

“ d.. don't look at me like that you guys!”

You both laugh to yourselves as kirishima buried his face in his hands with the tape. He groaned lowly and embarrassemingly.

“ y'know..”

You start, gaining both of their attentions with ease. You hum to yourself before a quick little grin appeared on your face.

“ there's no way you can tuck if you're hard.”

Izuku hummed as kirishima averted his gaze from the both of you, still very red and very embarrassed.

“ you're right.. we won't get anywhere if hes uhm, like that.”

“ what do you propose we do?”

Kirishima scoffs to himself before speaking,

“ well, there is one way I know that could get it down quickly heh, too bad we can't do that here huh?”

He jokes around with a small smile before looking to the two of you.

Izuku thinks and turns to you which causes you to smirk. The evil smirk that plastered across his freckled face was so damn hot, he looked like some sexy hero turned evil.

“ wait, wait ,wait, wait, what are you two looking at each other like that for...”

The freckled male chuckles lightly before turning to kirishima,

“ kiri, why don't you sit on the couch for us, hm?”

He points to the couch behind him and kirishima nods with a shaky breath and complies.

“ is this seriously happening..”

“ we can help you, if you'd like of course. there's no way we can send you out there while you're all... pent up.”

“ of course I'd let you! you both are sexy as hell, id let you both do whatever you wanted to me...”

A satisfied sigh left izuku as he peered down at the spiky haired male with pure lust covering his eyes; it was as if he was taken over by some sort of Incubus.

You smiled and stood beside izuku following his mead in this crazy escapade.

“ but..what do you want to do to me...”

Once again you two looked at each other a small nod being exchanged between the two.

“ well...”

“ we could.. get down on our knees, just like this.....”

Izuku says in a soft and sultry tone, slowly going down to his knees as you did the same, both of you in either side of his legs. Izukus hand on his knee.

“ then.....we could run our hands up your inner thighs, y'know where it's super.. sensitive.”

Izuku grabs your hand and places his on top, trailing it up and down his inner thigh next to his hardend bulge gently. Kirishima wasn't lying when he said izukus hands were soft.

Kirishima groaned quietly, covering his mouth with his hand to not let the shaky whimper out of hie mouth. It was as if izuku was extremely pleased with the way kirishima reacted beneath the two of you.

Izukus eyes trailed down to kirishimas cock as it twitched violently, the giggle that escaped izuku was not surprising, but shocking. He sighed and admired the sight in front of him.

“ we might have to hurry and get you out of the suit before you leak through it, hm?”

“ oh.. yeah for...for sure.”

It was more than obvious kirishimas was aching inside of the suir, his thick cock bulging against it, twitching and yearning to be touched. Izuku hummed and with tiur hands in his he placed both on top of kirishimas cock so you could feel the way it jerked up into your touch, the warmth of your palms.

You were shocked by his act of boldness, turning your gaze to the green haired male who was already looking at you with glazed over eyes, he wanted this, badly at that. Possibly just as bad ad kirishima clearly did he was just better at keeping his needs composed.

He gently rubbed your hands across kirishimas cock making him wince, he groaned lightly and closed his eyes. Neither of you noticed it but your faces were slowly moving closer to each other. Izukus eyes trailed down to your lips, gently biting his own as he quickly captured yours.

Kirishima opened his eyes to the sight of you two kissing, it was a slow yet passionate kiss. Izuku let out little mewls as you let his tongue invade your mouth, tongues swishing and swirling together as izuku peeked his eyes open a little to see. He was blushing furiously.

Kirishimas cock, unsurprisingly, leaked through the suit and got onto your hand causing you to stop the kiss and pull away, not only that but you had to catch your breath. Who knew izuku was an aggressive and needy kisser. Izuku tried his hardest to follow your lips, not wanting the kiss to end.

“ we should,.. hurry and get him out of the suit.”

“ yeah, you're right...”

Just as you both were about to remove it you all heard a loud boom and yelling coming from the other side of the door, and possibly the other side of the building. You jumped as izukus eyes shot to the door in a heroic instant, it's like he was scanning the other side of the room without even seeing through anything. His reflexes and instincts were like a dog, very assertive and on point.

Kirishima who was so blinded by lust and need he could hardly register what was going on, poor baby.

“ wait..maybe we should uh... check to see how much t..time we have.”

Izukus eyes turned back to kirishima as he seemed kind of disappointed.

“ yeah... uh- I mean, uhm yeah! y..you're right!”

“ hang on, let me text kaminari to see.”

They both agree and give you a moment, you stand and sit beside kirishima and izuku does the same. You text the blonde and question what was going and if he heard that loud noise ect ect.

You both text back and forth before he sends you a picture that causes you to snort aloud confusing the two men beside you.

“ what's going on?”

They both say in unison, looking at each other before back to you.

“ sorry sorry, I just.. pfft- katsukis lame ass!”

Denki had sent you a video of dynamite yelling at one of the workers trying to help him with the suit, according to denki they got his measurements wrong and made it way too big and he took it as a huge insult assuming they were thinking he was just blatantly fat and shit. Plus he hadn't eaten much so he was hangry as fuck.

They both chuckled and izuku couldn't help but to apologize for the angry blonde actions.

“ yeah that sounds like kacchan alright haha...sorry guys!”

“ did kaminari say how much time we had left?”

You had completely forgotten.

“ oh! Yeah, supposedly they ordered food and it's taking a long ass time to get here due to the doid not even being made yet, plus traffic and katsuki ssid he wasn't doing shit until hes eaten so, about an hour? hour and a half?”

“ maybe even longer depending on how much angrier katsuki gets”

“ hm that is true... so then we should be good for the time being, right?”

You nod in confirmation placing your phone down and facing the boys.

“ so do you guys still?”

Kirishima looked weary but nodded hesitantly, you give a quick nod and that was the confirmation izuku was looking for. He gives you both a soft warm smile.

Izuku crawls back down to kirishimas knees getting ready to do lord knows what before kirishima suddenly halts.

“ wait..before we do anything,.... what does this like, make us?”

Izukus eyes immediately widened at the question blinking a couple of times before turning to you then back to the man above him.

“ because, I would seriously take you both out on a date after this. If you want, that is.”

It wasn't like you exactly minded at all. Food sounded nice and why not do it with two hot guys who just do happen to be your friends and just so happen to be okay with everything going down? You shrug your shoulders and leave it at that.

Izuku hums and looks into the sky as if he were thinking. He bites his lower lip before speaking,

“ oh, well. I suppose we can talk more about that later, a date doesn't sound quite that bad.”

“ great! but uh, of course later right now I'm feeling a bit...antsy.”

Izuku chuckles sweetly with a smile.

“ we can tell, you're twitching through the suit~”

Izuku teased the man above which causes him flush with a nervous laugh.

“ so..”

you start, awaiting for something to happen.

“ can I uh...move your suit to the side, kirishima?”

Izuku asks in more of a pleasing manner, his voice soft and sweet as he asks for such a thing. Izuku managed to make inappropriate things seem so easy and light-hearted.

“ you two don't have to ask anymore, just go right ahead.”

With that, izuku scooter even closer to kirishimas cock slowly inching his hands up to his hardened and strained cock. He gently pet the thick base of his cock through the fabric with his pointer finger making kirishima jolt up with a hushed gasp.

Quickly izuku hooked his finger through the edge of his suit and pulled it to the side like it were a pair of panties. Kirishimas thick cock quickly sprung to life and slapped against his pelvis.

Both of your eyes blew wide at the side, he wasn't exactly maintained down there but he wasn't too wild either,

It wasn't too much to bear of course, not that something like that'd stop either of you.

Izukus breath shuddered and his eyes pupils instantly enlarged. He was once again blinded by sheer lust, he bit his lip and looked at his cock like it was the last piece of meat on this earth.

Izuku muttered lowly and breathily to himself, the sheer length and girth of the larger man was intimidating.

He gulped down the little spit he had in his mouth, it was as if it were drying up at the sight. He sighs and turns to you before asking;

“ hey uh, hun, do...,do you wanna share him with me?”

“ I mean.. he's more than big enough.”

Kirishimas breath hitched at the question, the eager nod you gave izuku was too adorable, his cock twitched against his thigh, it was so thick it could hardly stand up on its own. Not to mention the length of it...izuku would need the help anyway.

“ watch closely... we're going to take good care of you..”

Izuku said as he lowered his mouth down slowly in his tip, you instantly crawled in and suckled on the base of his cock, sucking gently and you move your mouth up and down his veiny thength.

“ oh- god..”

Izuku hummed around his tip, fluttering his eyes closed momentarily savoring the taste of his or cum that beaded at the slit. He swiped his tongue causing kirishima to wince and squint his eyes as if he were hurt. Izuku chuckles at the reaction.

You move your mouth down to his balls and glide your tongue across the flesh, suckling one into your mouth quite harshly. He groaned deeply, the sound practically shooting out of him.

kirishimas breaths were quivering. His eyes frantic and leering down at the two of you. Sweat began forming at his furrowed brows. He couldn't believe this was actually happening.

A sharp breath escaped from the man as izuku swiped his tongue over his large tip. His tongue swirling and paying close attention to it.

“ is it..good? are we doing good?”

Izuku spoke with a muffled speech, spit visible on his lower lip as he peered up at kirishima with blown wide eyes. Those gorgeous green eyes didn't want kirishima to look away from his.

Kirishima swallowed thickly as he shakily nodded. You kept paying attention to the base of his cock, letting your tongue trace a very prominent vein while izuku stroked his tip and spoke. You let your hands fondle his balls in a gentle manner causing his eyes to roll back.

“ you're both so..fuck...”

Kirishima could hardly speak with the ungodly things you both were doing to him. The absolute divine things you were making him feel. His words were unsure and shaky.

Izuku hummed around kirishimas cock before you both moved around a lot more, exploring new things to do as your tongues danced together around his cock. Kirishima let out a gutteral groans, you could tell by the way his cock was painstakingly red and twitching for more that he was close.

“ shit.. I think I....—”

“ not yet kirishima.”

“ hang in there for us. we have more than enough time so...why rush?”

Izuku was quick to say. Izuku was very observant, he paid close attention to little things that others wouldn't. He knew little things that would make kirishima fold and shake underneath you both.

It was odd to see izuku "laying down the law" and being quite stern. But you understand, this was quite fun and you hadn't wanted it to end so quickly either.

“ ill be honest...I've, wanted to do something like this with you both for a while...”

“ really..?”

Izuku hummed in response as he continued stroking his cock before going down on him once more.

“ fuck just like that..please it feels so good..”

Kirishima bucked his hips up towards your mouths with a whiney muffled moan, he couldn't take his eyes away for the wonderful escapade happening for him.

“ you two look so pretty like this...taking my cock so, so well.”

He lightly praised the both of you as he let one of his hands come down and stroke your hair, you closed your eyes in response to the positive feeling. It made you feel something deep in your core. Of course you were needy, you'd be crazy if this whole thing hadn't made you feel something.

Izuku had seemed to really be getting into the groove of it. You pulled away momentarily only for izuku to swallow kirishima whole. Of course he didn't completely deep throat him as kirishima is huge. Like..huge. but he began bobbing his head up and down rhythmically. It was such an enticing view, izuku losing himself in giving another man, your best friend, head.

You bit your lip and couldn't help watching the scene. Izuku soon noticed you didn't try to push him away or even come back you just watched. He quickly pulled away to speak.

“ hold on..i have an idea.”

He said softly. He grabbed both of your attention before quickly speaking seeing as you both were eager and hadn't wanted to stall any longer..

“ love, how about I move your suit to the side and finger you? get you nice and ready to take him.”

It was as if you practically jumped up at the proposal, excited and awaiting for something like this. You nodded in such an eager agreement making izuku chuckle lowly and stroke your cheek at the adorableness.

“ and then, kirishima, you can keep fucking my throat. just until she's ready.”

“ we're uh, going that far huh? yeah.. okay.”

Izuku hummed and hurriedly moved your suit to the side and gently ran his thumb across your folds getting a quick feel of things. He bit his lip and just watched for a moment as he softly played with you.

You let out such heavenly noises that went straight to izukus achingly hard cock, izuku would be a lie if he said he didn't want to pounce on you. But he wanted kirishima to have a turn with you.

Izuku looked up at you with a quick warm smile before turning to kirishima. His eyes were dark and full of greed.

“ please, kirishima...fuck my throat more..?”

Kiris cock twitched at the sheer sound of desperation and need that was laced in izukus voice. He groaned at the sight in front of him and reached for izukus head, running his hands through his hair and slightly bringing him closer.

Izuku was quick to take kirishimas cock down. Harshly slurping and suckling on his thick cock. His brows furrowed together as he struggled to take him entirely in his mouth but he did it. Such sweet mewls leaving izukus mouth. Your moans and quiet breaths along with kirishimas much louder ones were egging him on. He wanted to see just how far he could truly take it.

Watching izuku take kirishima down was quite the sight, he was eager and hungry for it. You grabbed his hand and tried to push his finger deeper. At the touch of you he decided to add two extras for you. Plugging you with three of his fingers and moving them at a steady pace, not too slow but just fast enough to satiate you for now.

Spit had began dripping from the sides of izukus mouth and kind of down his chin. He was getting restless and sucked kirishima as if he had a purpose, a goal. Kirishima threw his head back with such a gutteral groans, his hand still tangled in the izukus hair as he pushed his head down further.

“ fuck, izuku...”

The way kirishima shamelessly moaned for the shorter man was quite enamouring. Izuku temporarily removed his mouth from kirishima to check in with you, he stroked the man off and turned his attention towards you, spit around his mouth and slightly dripping down hie chin. He caught his breath and made sure you were alright before going back in.

Izukus low sounds that he let escape around kirishimas cock were growing louder. He seemed to be getting off to it.

“ you taste so good kirishima..”

He moaned up to the man as he stuck his tongue out and rubbed kirishimas cock along the pink muscle.

Kirishima couldn't help but harshly bite his lip, he was close but he didn't want to cum yet. Izuku was right, you have enough time to spare so why not enjoy yourselves a little while longer?

Izuku quickly went back down and sucked kirishimas cock for all it was work. Letting his tongue swirl around his as he slurped and bobbed his head. He seemed like a pro.

There was no way kirishima was going to last. He looked as if he was going to explode already..

Izuku removed his mouth and turned to you, your cunt was wet and ready to take whatever it was given. You had soaked izukus fingers in your slick and he slowly removed them slurping everything off with a low moan.

“ alright...you're nice and ready to take him, love.”

“ go ahead and straddle his lap for me, and kirishima you lie down for me.”

You both did exactly as you were told while izuku lightly praised you both.

“ there we are..”

You held onto kirishimas chest and waited for not only his, but izukus ready as well. You smiled down at the man beneath you and slid your cunt up and down his aching cock. He winced at the best of your cunt and the sticky feeling of your slick.

“ god...please don't tease me... I already feel like I'm gonna cum..”

“ I.. wanna put it in...can I? please...please..”

Kirishima begged and writhed underneath you. Pleading for you to let him have you, all of you. Kirishima got off to hiw you looked in the suit, the way it hugged your bidy and made you look so aooetizing.

“ alright fine..”

You giggle. He thanks you before you hurriedly slam yourself down on his cock. It shocked not only kirishima but izuku aswell. A little 'oh.' leaving the green haired man's mouth. Both of their eyes were wide and kirishima couldn't help but moan loudly as you took him all the way down to the base.

“ fuck, i— shit.. you took me all the way down. I'm impressed I've never really had someone who.. has.”

“ well now you have.”

You say slightly proud of yourself with what he's just revealed. It's honestly an accomplishment. You'd be lying if you said he wasn't big because he definitely was. He filled you so full without even cumming inside of you, which you were most excited for.

He laid back and let you take control. You rode him as best as you could, you wouldn't lie and say he definitely wasn't big. He filled you up so well you were practically losing your mind. You let out some whimpers trying to muffle every noise of yours that threatened to escape, you wanted to hear kirishimas sweet moans.

They left his beautiful mouth like slippery butter they sounded so serene you couldn't help but to want to hear more.

“ that's it baby... take what you need.”

Izuku rubbed your back, his large warm hand sending shivers up your spine and causing your skin to tingle. You arched your back into his touch and moaned throwing your head back. A small smile crawling into izukus face at the reaction.

Izuku looked over to kirishima who looked as if he was experiencing a pure euphoric rush. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth hung open as you rode his cock, his hands were on your thighs gently squeezing. Izuku hummed before gaining Kiri's attention.

“ would you mind if I did something? to ready you to take me?”

Izuku spoke lowly to the red haired man making his eyes widen, he hadn't wanted to alarm you seeing as you were in your own blissful estate. Kirishima gulped down, his mind was already getting fuzzy he couldn't do more than to nod helplessly.

Izuku has kirishima shift a bit almost making you go off course but you were quick to get back to work, nearly reaching your orgasm. Izuku licked and sucked in his own fingers to coat them in his spit so he can't get kirishima ready for him.

Kirishima groaned at the newness biting down hardly on his lip, his moans escaping and sounding more whiney as izuku worked his magic.

“ there we go kiri, that's it.”

Kirishimas breath was shaky and his eyes were squeezed shut once more, he couldn't help but squeezing your thighs harder each time you went down on him. Izuku aided kirishima with a whole new wave of pleasure from his skillfully fingers he felt so close.

“ alright kiri, hold on f’me im gonna put it in..”

Kirishima mumbled a response, izuku just smiled wearily and rubbed his thigh before gently pushing his just as thick and large cock head inside of him. Kirishima let out the whiniest moan ever making your eyes open, you laughed breathlessly at how such a big strong man can make such sweet noisee, it was adorable.

Izuku groaned lowly to himself before coming forward to kiss your shoulder making you jump with a squeak. His brows were furrowed and he clenched his jaw a couple of times, he wanted to wait for kirishimas 'okay' he did, he really did. But he just couldn't help his own need to cum.

He began putting his hips at a certain pace that had kirishima genuinely about to cum, he groaned and covered his eyes with one of his arms. Kirishimas head back in the pillows as you both fucked and used him for all he was worth.

“ please don't stop.. it feels so— so fucking good..~”

The way izukus hot breaths fanned your neck sent you over the edge, you leaned over to lay down on kirishimas chest moans being muffled as you bury your face in his neck. Izuku simply laughed above you both.

Kirishima held you closely as both for your orgasms were approaching. Izuku kept his hips moved, pistoning them in snf out of kirishima at a much faster pace causing kirishima to moan in your ear, kirishimas eyes were filling with tears from the overstimulation and he hadnt even cum yet.

The pleasure from you both was beginning to be far too much.

“ im- I'm gonna cum, fuck..”

You whined on his chest and kept moving your hips as izukus hand came down to your ass and gently squeezed it.

“ hmm, c'mon baby make him cum.. cum on his cock f’me, that's it.”

You tried your hardest to speed up, your impending orgasm making itself known once more, you sat up to fully ride him once more causing kirishima to moan. He threw his head back with a groan as he began cumming inside of you, you felt his cum reach depths inside causing you to cum yourself. With a sigh you had your hips slow down and laid back down on his chest.

Your breath as shaky as kirishimas, little mewls still leaving his mouth as izuku tried to chase his own orgasm, not trying to fall behind you two.

With a couple more messy thrusts inside he pulled out and came in your back, milky spurts of cum getting all over mirkos suit. It was so much you felt it all just splattering all over your back you couldn't help but to giggle.

You all caught your breath, laughing with one another before izuku noticed what he had done.

“ oh shit! I- I came on your suit! oh no..”

You sigh with a giggle, there's not much you can do but try wiping it off and going about your day in hpped no one notices or smells it.... It was a lot after all.

Izuku apologizes profusely as kirishima cant help but laugh along with you. Just as you were all getting comfortable a call came through.

“ sorry, that's mine.”

You say reaching off of kirishima to grab your phone.

“ oh.”

“ what?”

“ what's the matter?”

“ we have five minutes...”

You all scrambled together trying to clean and get yourselves situated with help from one another, laughing and giggling with one another.

AN: FINALLY GOT THIS WHACK ASS SHIT OUT HOLY FUCK.

[mcflymemes]

DRAGON AGE: THE VEILGUARD PROMPTS PT 3 *  assorted dialogue from the third and fourth hour of the video game

my information was accurate.

now you realize the danger is real.

you are asking for knowledge no mortal in this world is privy to.

i need to know what makes you the right person to lead the fight.

i stopped you, didn't i?

i find a way to get the job done, whatever it takes.

how do we stop them from doing it?

that will give you time.

i gave no orders. all i offer are suggestions.

i... regret what happened.

you've gotta take point on this.

i can't do what you do.

i've barely been holding it together in the short time you've been out.

you just need to get it done.

remember when we first met?

you did most of the work.

you've got a knack for finding your way through the wildest shit i've ever seen, with a plan no one expects.

don't worry. i'll still be here to talk if you need me.

how are you feeling about it?

it doesn't matter how i feel about it.

you made a decision with the best information you had. sometimes you do that, and people end up hurt. or worse.

a good leader isn't someone who never makes mistakes. it's someone who admits when they make one.

not everyone was happy about my decision.

i wish i could be out there with you, [name].

you're here for leads.

who do we hire to fight that?

i've heard of you.

we don't even know what we lost.

you're busy. i shouldn't interrupt.

what's important is that you're happy.

if we forgot something so important, what else did we forget?

i don't expect you to have an answer.

thanks for letting me babble.

we're short on options.

i cannot protect you.

we can talk business when we arrive.

one day, i will see a knife through every would-be tyrant's throat.

sounds like there's more to it.

what i say doesn't leave this room.

you didn't think to tell me?

well, we're not going that way.

i can't believe all this is underwater.

we're looking for a killer.

who are you? who sent you?

they can use it to control me.

in return, i want help killing some things.

this is what success looks like.

we got your target.

the job's done.

we clearly have things to discuss... somewhere else.

i'm ready to get out of this place.

i don't need time. i need a target.

you just got here and already you want to leave again?

how do you get rid of them?

what's everyone talking about?

that can't be the only solution.

you're bleeding.

i know things have been complicated, but i'm glad you're here.

i owe you a debt.

[vxsellie]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚. GHOSTS OF SACRILEGE !

synopsis. fbi agent!ellie williams x nun!reader ; it's truly no shock that the entirety of west virginia is emerged by trepidation, considering hundreds of residents have gone missing within the past three months. as a form of consolation for those fearful, an esteemed fbi agent is sent to investigate. what she finds, however, is more than she could ever have expected.

notes. this piece is part of the mythologica challenge! i tried my absolute hardest to do the theme justice bc of how good it is. also pls note that every town mentioned is real & i did a decent amount of research on each one, but that doesn't at all mean that it's entirely accurate. i've been to some of the places, but not all also ! this is my first time ever writing detailed smut so i literally know none of the correct words to use or how to describe what's happening & it might turn out being literal dog shit,, if that's the case i apologize!

warnings. religious horror, an attempt at writing smut, angst, plot twists, horrible world building, major character death x2, possessive / obsessive romance, descriptive gore, blood, satanic rituals, human sacrifice, blood, oral (r! receiving), brief mentions of abuse & assault, murder as a metaphor, past animal death, long exposition i'm sorry, and - last but most important - the sweet release of desecrating salvation.

wc. 9.5k+

𝓝aught but unease filled the tiny town of bluefeild as yet another missing person is found to be reported in the newspaper. the sun begins to peer over the horizon, long shadows cast against the sidewalk that newsboys toss the papers from. they ride their bikes down the concrete with a fervor that should be rare. but it’s been rather common in bluefeild as of late. every since december. ever since the incidents first began.

nobody in town can be seen outside without a frantic expression and a fast pace. fear fuels their every step as they scurry outside to retrieve the news before burrowing back into the safety of their homes, hungry eyes skimming the article in search of who’s gone missing this time.

ellie hadn't expected much when traveling here. a small town of worrisome locals, a serial kidnapper hiding in plain sight. y'know, the usual for cases like these.

but something about this case stands out to her. there's a certain weight in her chest as each day passes without answers. in the beginning, she'd asked around town, hoping to find some common denominator among everyone's weariness. but there's nothing. the residents are closed off, thick boots and even thicker country drawls quick to kick the agent off their rotting porch at first glance. she's been here for a while now, not a single clue made evident. no loose ends, no muddy footprints, no witnesses. it's like these people just disappear into thin air.

ellie sits in her idled car, eyes scanning today's newspaper for slips of information. she can't help the way her interest piques, slowly going mad with lack of elucidation. she runs a hand through her hair, shoulders weighed with fatigue and dwindling hope.

see, over two-hundred people have gone missing in the past three months ⎯ which is a big deal in and of itself, but even more so considering bluefeild's population is well under five thousand.

her windows fog as rain patters gently against the steel of her vehicle, the whether cold and dreary in comparison to her car's heated temperature. she supposes it fits the mood, though, doesn't it?

after twenty minutes of analyzing each and every word given, ellie groans and stuffs the newspaper into her glove box, slamming it shut. evidently, the paper provided nothing of use to her. it has a picture of the man missing, his name inscribed under the image, and a few words of grief are quoted to have been said by the families. but that's it.

as of this morning, jason casey has been added to the long list of missing persons. and not a soul could say why nor how.

ellie pulls her phone from her coat pocket, clicking on her bosses contact before wedging it between her ear and shoulder. she listens to it ring as she puts her car into gear, pulling out of the parking space she'd been occupying. it's not like anyone here would dare to use their cars anyhow. most shops and businesses have been temporarily closed, owners fearing the possibility of suffering the same fate as those prior.

"ellie?" joel's voice comes through the tiny speakers, papers rustling in the background of the call as he speaks. "what're you callin' me for? i thought you were on the bluefeild case."

"there's nothin' to go off of." she tells him. one hand is rested on the wheel whilst the other holds her phone.

"you're our best investigator, williams, i'm sure you'll find somethin'." he says offhandedly, continuing to shuffle through whatever papers are of more interest to him than his alleged best employee.

she rolls her eyes at his dismissive tone. "hundreds are missing, joel. without a trace or a sign left behind. they're likely dead, if i were to guess. i don't— what the hell good does that do?"

"find the bodies." he says easily. "their corpses might point to their killer."

"no shit." ellie scoffs. "the issue isn't what to do next, it's how the fuck i'm supposed to do it. this has been goin' on for months and no bodies have turned up. where am i even supposed to look? like i said, there ain't a damn thing left behind."

she coasts down the streets of bluefeild, using this time to feel the layout of it and examine what she's working with. she's been here for a while now, but the town remains a mystery to her. and, from what she's seen, it's a bit of a mystery to everyone else as well.

she notices that many of the homes are old and shabby, paint flaking and wood rotting. in the yards, however, almost every resident has some form of a religious symbol. a cross, a statue of mary, a flag for something biblical. anything to show their faith.

to each their own, i guess. she thinks to herself with a shrug before turning her attention elsewhere.

the streets are empty, as expected. a few street lights are on, the yellow illumination flicking with worn age. even on the two-lane roads, there's not a car in sight. she narrows her eyes at this, a shiver tracing up her spine at the disturbing vastness.

"well," joel says, "search the papers some more."

"i've done that a thousand fuckin' times." ellie groans, eyes still scanning her surroundings with intent of committing it all to memory. just in case. "there's nothin' there. it's just all information on the missing people, half-assed sympathy for the victim's family, and a picture of 'em."

joel sighs, the sound of tapping resonating through the phone. ellie recognizes the sound, having worked for joel long enough to know that he always taps a pencil against his desk when he's thinking. it's a good sign, she thinks. it means he's at least giving her predicament some thought.

she's been in bluefeild for eight days now, spending her time interrogating random residents for informations; spending her nights rereading the stupid fucking newspapers. naught good has been of ramification.

the repetition of it all is driving her insane, especially considering none of her efforts have yet to pay off in any sort of way. she'd hoped that when the next person showed up missing, something would present itself. a clue would rear its ugly head at her and she'd grab it by the throat with fervor. but no. jason casey went missing and all heads remain hidden. so, after an hour of battling with her pride, she decided to make the call to joel and admit her being stuck.

"okay." he says, shuffling a bit as he finally gives ellie his full attention. "okay, pull over for a second, i'm gonna need you to do somethin' for me."

she instantly obliges, pulling off to the nearest backroad. gravel crunches under her tires as she drives along the thin path wedged between two decrepit buildings. the alley is small and a bit sketchy, but that's exactly what she needs. ellie puts her car in park, windows translucent in their heavily fogged blanket.

"how many newspapers do you have on you?" joel asks when he hears her car go into idle.

"um," she reaches over and opens her glove box, watching as yellowed papers fall from the newly opened door. they flutter to the floor and atop the passenger's seat. she hums, amused at the sight of her obsession making a tangible image in her head. "a lot."

"okay, good. perfect." joel mutters, the clacking of a keyboard sounding through the tiny speaker. "the first person who went missing was carl andrews. he was thirty-seven. his wife claims he was supposed to have been walking home from work but never showed up for dinner."

ellie scrambles through her messy stack of newspapers, searching for carl's report. she finally finds it, the paper dated to have been written near the beginning of december. she straightens out the wrinkles, examining his picture.

"looks like your average middle age man." ellie mutters, taking in his scruffy beard and wrinkled skin. "he was a carpenter. had two kids, both boys."

"yes, i have the paper pulled up on my computer." joel says. "but it doesn't show his address or nothin'. this shitty website only has half of the damn document."

ellie skims through the words, searching for the street or neighborhood he'd lived in. when she turns up empty-handed she groans, now well familiar with the feeling of disappointment regarding this case. "nope. no home address." she says with an evidently annoyed tone.

"what about his workplace?" joel asks. "if he'd been walkin' home, his work must be close enough for him to do so."

"oh shit," she mutters. she'd studied his article for hours — studied all of them — and she hadn't even thought to look there. her hands clutch the paper as she searches with a hungered gaze. her eyes widen at the address listed on the paper. "yes it's on fifth street."

more typing is heard through the phone, "says here that,, there's a neighborhood right by there. a few blocks down from the carpenters' building. must've been where he lived."

"perfect." ellie grins, adrenaline rushing through her.

oh, she feels on top of the world right now.

"okay, now i want you to look for addresses in all the other papers." joel says, flipping a switch in his tone — off to being ellie's friend and on to being her boss. a familiar change, but an unpleasant one nonetheless. "check 'n see if there's a link between where they'd been last spotted."

"okay."

ellie sets carl's paper aside and grabs another random one. she reads the heading briefly, recognizing it to be the article on bryan turner who'd gone missing in the middle of january. he'd allegedly been walking his dog and never returned to his apartment, according to his elderly female neighbor.

the address is actually listed this time. not his exact apartment number, but the building. ellie can't help the smile that tugs at her mouth again as she grabs a random notepad and scribbles both addresses onto the paper, reminding herself to compare their proximity when she gets back to her hotel later tonight.

"you're a goddan genius, joel." ellie mutters as she sets bryan's paper atop carl's and grabs another. sam cortez. late december.

"thanks, kid." joel chuckles into the phone. ellie has it set aside, call set to speaker as she flips through papers and continues to write down addresses into her notes. her movements are frantic and hurried, adrenaline refusing to wind down from its newly heightened state. joel speaks again, regaining her attention. "uh, sorry t' tell you this but i've gotta go. it's almost midnight and i've been at the building since ten o'clock this mornin'."

"yeah yeah, whatever." ellie replies off-handedly. "thanks for your help, old man. i think i can take it from here now, though. go get your beauty rest."

"promise to call me in the mornin'?" he asks. "i wanna hear what y' find."

"yes, i promise." she laughs. "i'll call you as soon as i wake up."

"okay good. don't overwork yourself either, you need to⎯"

"goodbye, joel!" she says, grabbing her phone and hanging up on him before she has to listen to him reprimand her for lack of rest. he's one to talk, too, seeing as he'd just admitted to having been at the building all damn day.

she sighs, deciding to put a pin in her address search and get back to her hotel to finish working in the comfort of a bed.

she sets her papers into two neat piles in the passenger's seat ⎯ one for those she'd already gone through and one for those she hasn't yet gotten to. then, she puts her key into the ignition and pulls out of the little road.

as she drives down the street, she examines her surroundings once again. still as impoverished as before.

she passes a small farm house, eyes drawn to the old lady sitting on the porch. she's rocking back and forth rather ominously, making direct eye contact with ellie through the windshield. slowly, the woman nods her head toward where a large cross is staked into the soil of her front yard. ellie looks away, a sudden uneasiness washing over her as she presses harder on the gas.

she reaches her hotel a few minutes later, stuffing her papers under each arm before entering the building and heading toward the elevator. by the time she reaches her room, she practically rips her heavy leather jacket off, the yellow 'fbi' label bright and bold against the black material as she tosses it onto her bed. she sits cross-legged in the center of her room, laying out all the newspapers in front of her.

she continues to sort through them all, eyebrows furrowing as she comes to realize that all the victims are men.

she hurriedly flips through the documents, certain she must he wrong. but she's not. they're all male. ellie writes this down on her notepad, handwriting rushed and nigh unintelligible. despite the sloppiness, she circles it, sure it'll prove to be of importance later on.

by the time ellie finishes going through what feels like hundreds of papers, she decides that's enough for her to be able to find a pattern if there is one. the digital clock atop the nightstand reads 2am, flashing bright red numbers at her. she ignores it, too high off the thrill of finally finding something in this priorly monotonous case.

she pulls her laptop from her bag and flips it open atop her crossed legs, quick to pull up a map and type in the coordinates of each address. they appear random at first, completely fucking unrelated to one another. a pang of dread hits ellie in the chest, worried this will have all been for naught.

but then she zooms out.

each dot for each address glows blue. when zoomed out, it forms something. ellie squints, tilting her head at the incoherent image she struggles to make out. seeing as many of the papers weren't analyzed, the picture is only half-complete.

but then it clicks. a pentacle. and at the very center of the shape, a church.

ellie's mind goes back to the old woman on the porch. the way she'd nodded to her cross. the way almost every family in bluefeild is outwardly religious. she can't believe she hadn't seen it sooner.

this isn't just some case where she can stare at newspapers and hope something pops up. it's an intricately weaved web of murders.

her chest heaves as her eyes dart across the screen, unable to believe it. she finds herself tapping her men against the floor, drumming it just as joel does. she curses herself, tossing the pen across the room as her mind reels. it lands in front of the door, ballpoint pointed toward the exit. ellie takes this as a sign from the universe. despite not having ever been a religious person, she can't help the pang of hope in her chest.

deciding to indulge the pen's sign, ellie writes the church's address into her notepad, shuts her laptop, pulls her jacket back on, then heads for the door. she steps over the pen on her way out.

𝓢he stares up at the church, checking to make sure she's absolutely certain she's in the right place. when she's proven to be correct, she stuffs her notepad into her pocket and walks toward the building.

ellie doubts anybody is inside due to the time, but she wants to search the place regardless.

the church is old, creaky wooden exterior painted in uneven shades of white. the roof is brown and dilapidated with wear. atop it, a large cross is seen standing tall, its tip pointed up at the starry sky. ellie wades through the overgrown grass, her breath coming out in white clouds. it's fucking freezing out here.

when she reaches the building, ellie cups her hands around her eyes before peeking through the windows. the glass is dusty and cracked in some places. she can't seem to see through it, transparency made opaque from lack of maintenance.

she leans back and wipes a hand across the dust, forming a wide arc to peer through. inside, the church looks brand new. wooden pews line the space, a long aisle between each formed column. the floor is white tile, cleaned to be spotless. she tilts her head, struggling to look toward the pulpit. it appears to be⎯

"what're you doing?"

ellie jumps, her head slamming against the top of the window frame. she ignores the ache and whips around to face the owner of the voice. a nun.

you stand behind her with a raised brow, your entire body covered by black and white robes. ellie blinks, something about you making her stomach lurch. she's instantly put on edge, shameless in the way she examines your features.

your brow is knit in distaste for the trespassing girl. your eyes are sharp and steady as you pin your gaze onto hers. your hands are clasped behind your back, formal and almost robotic. or at least, that's how ellie sees you.

ellie reaches under her jacket and pulls out her badge. "fbi."

"there's no fbi in bluefeild." you point out, voice steady and melodic. ellie's lips part at the sound but she shows no other form of sway. you eye her badge, ellie williams. noted to be a top agent in her line of work. your eyes narrow. "where exactly are you from?"

"richmond." she responds, eyes never leaving yours as she places her badge back into the interior pocket in her leather jacket.

you tilt your head, inquiring. "virginia?"

"yes." she confirms.

you hum, noting the four hour drive she's sure to have taken in order to get here. you looks out across the grass, seeing her car still running as it's parked on the side of the road, yellow headlights acting as a beacon against the dark night.

"it's late, miss williams." you tell her, turning back to her to find that ellie's eyes have yet to leave your face.

she analyzes each expression you make, contorting every detail to memory ⎯ from the way your eyes flick across her features to the way your shoulders shift slightly after having been standing in one position for so long. she memorizes you, allowing your very being to sink into her mind. for the case, of course. you're a suspect, after all. she needs to learn you and feel you out in order to get a proper read on whether you're innocent in all this. that's why she stares at you. that's why her pupils are blown and her lips are parted again. totally.

"do you want to come inside?" you offer, raising a brow at her strange, yet obvious sense of interest in you. "it's freezing out here and i happen to have just brewed some tea."

her eyes dart to the shabby church behind her. judging by the exterior of the building, imagining the place having ac and working electricity is shocking. but judging by what she'd seen of the inside, she's tempted to take you up on your offer. for the case.

"only if y' agree to answer some questions of mine." she says, deciding to set the terms and conditions early on.

your eyes narrow, "what type of questions?"

"the type i need in order to solve the case i'm workin' on." she replies, reminding herself of the large amount of missing men and boys who've disappeared in these past three months.

"mm," you hum.

you look her up and down, taking in the sight of her. it's rare to see any form of law enforcement out here. you'd lived in bluefeild all your life and never seen a cop or fbi agent outside of the television. her leather coat hangs heavy from her set shoulders. her chin is held high despite the way goosebumps trail across her skin due to the chill of the air. she's wearing baggy black pants and heavy combat boots. interesting.

"sure." you shrug. "i've nothing to hide."

"we'll see 'bout that."

her eyes rake over to where he car remains running. she leaves it, using it as a sign to you that she plans to make this quick. you understand the gesture and heed it with care, nodding as you shift around her and walk toward the entrance of the church. the large wooden doors are already unlocked as you push them open.

ellie draws her eyes across the foyer, noting the long hallway. to the left is a doorway leading to the sanctuary and chancel that she'd seen through the windows. to the right is a large door with a shiny golden handle, locked. the hall is lined with more doors, some locked whilst others are free to peer into.

you move about the space as though you'd lived here all your life. ellie supposes that might be true, actually.

you sweep down the hall before turning one of the corners down a branched passageway. ellie follows behind you, the hall illuminated by only a dim yellow light. on either side of the hall, more and more doors branch out to the side. ellie pays no mind to the building's layout anymore. instead, she finds herself more interesting in watching your habit billow behind you, your shoes clicking with each step against the tile.

eventually, you're both now in a kitchen area. ellie hasn't a clue when you'd gotten here, far too distracted by you to care much for the journey you'd taken her on.

the floor is tiled to mirror the sanctuary, counters made of marble. you flick a switch and the lights flutter on, a low hum sounding from the ceiling as the kitchen is illuminated by a yellow glow. on the counter, two cups of tea sit premade. you grab them, one in each hand.

with an amused expression, you pass one to ellie. she takes it, eyes the glass in her hand for a long moment. in the end, she decides against trusting it.

"uh," she clears her throat as she places the mug on the counter behind her, turning to you with an uneasy weariness. "you knew you'd have a guest?"

"hm?" you hum, tilting your head at her with an innocent curiosity.

"y' made two glasses." ellie points out. you continue to look at her, feigning confusion that urges her to continue her explanation. "it's just— well, i haven't seen anyone else here besides you."

"i hadn't priorly known of your arrival, if that's what you're suggesting." you inform her before taking a long sip from your mug, peering at her over the rim with an alluring twinkle to your eye. you lower it, keeping the glass poised between your hands as you lick your lips and continue. "i simply knew i wouldn't be drinking alone."

"what's that supposed to mean?" ellie inquires, those fbi instincts of hers lacing through her tone. her eyes glint with piqued interest, watching you with a steady sharpness. it weighs on your chest, heavy but enthralling.

"what i mean is," you place your mug on the counter with a light clink. "in this church, you're never alone. not really."

she raises a brow, back straightening. "someone else is here?"

"something." you correct, a smirk tugging at your lips. "a deity, spirit, ghost, demon. take your pick, miss williams. it hasn't a title just yet."

ellie has surely formed her doubts about whether or not you're mentally insane. she can't help but indulges you nonetheless. if she intends on puzzling out the mystery of the missing people, she can't outwardly state that you're crazy. so instead, she says, "are these,, things good? or are they evil?"

"mm," you shift, taking another long sip of tea. you ponder on her question while drinking, your mind deciding on exactly how much you wish to tell this governmental investigator. once your mind is made up, you place you mug back down and flash her an amused smile. "its morality varies. as i said, it doesn't much like the feel of being confined by the barbed wire of titles. plus, there's more than one. and none are a repeat of the other, each separated by individuality."

ellie bites back a scoff, trying her hardest not to just grab you by the shoulders and shake you senseless. she wants direct answers, not riddles. she hasn't the time to figure out what you're trying to get at.

"how many?" she asks. "like. are there lots of them or are they few and far between?"

your brow knits as you take a step closer. at your growing proximity, her breath hitches. you are more than just a nun, you're the embodiment of her obsession. all the care and time she'd poured into this case; you personify it.

you're a religious figure in and of yourself. something worthy of worship and praise. if you were to seen by the world as ellie sees you, historians would be studying you for eons to come. paintings and playwrights would be made in your honor, temples and statues forged in hopes that you'd bat the sculptor even a moment of your attention.

but, alas, that's not how the world works. instead, you're made to be a random nun who lives holed away in a ragged church in the middle of nowhere. perhaps the universe had been wise to hide you from the world, for fear of what your divinity would cause. a repeat of troy, no doubt. wars fought for your hand. lives lost for the pulpy beating heart caged behind your ribs.

"as many as i'd like." you tell her, face now mere inches away from her own.

your body is covered entirely by your habit, black fabrics hanging from your shoulders and arms as to keep your entire being shielded from sight. your hair is cast back and under your veil.

despite the coverage, ellie's enamor is unmoved. it's not your body or your hair that she's drawn to. it's the slope of your nose, the plush of your lips, the curve of your cheek, the arc of your brow, the color of your eyes. it's everything that makes you stand out like a brightly shining star in comparison to the dull darkness that is this church.

and stars like you ought to be admired.

"as many as—" she squeezes her eyes shut, knowing her only chance at regaining control of her head is to not face you. her mind is muddled by thoughts of you. she can't think straight. when she reopens her eyes, she could've sworn you've moved closer. "what're you sayin'? i don't—"

"don't understand?" you finish for her, tone pitched in regalement. your head tilts to the side, your noses brushing. "few people do."

"just tell me what y' mean." she utters, voice a whispered breath across your face in the form of a plea. "tell me without the riddles. tell me without trying to evade the truth. tell me with honesty. if you're straight forward with me, i'm sure i'll understand."

you sigh through your nose, leaning away from her. she follows you like a fish on a hook. you take a step back and she takes one forward. noticing, you hold a hand up to halt her movements and she instantly ceases, blinking at you with parted lips.

your head is downcast, palm against her chest. "you'd hate me."

"hate you?" she questions.

despite only just having met you, ellie is quite certain she'd never come to hate you. your very being is as much a wonder to her as life itself. you're a celestial beauty she cannot bear to tear her eyes from. hate is foreign when you're the context in which it's spoken.

"yes." you confirm, expression contorting into one of feigned guilt. and, had ellie not been in such blind awe of you, she'd have likely seen through your facade of deception. "i've made mistakes; plenty. i could never expect you to hear me speak of them and look past their malice."

"but i would." she whispers, taking a step nearer. she places a hand on your wrist, lowering your palm that had priorly been raised between the two of you. she looks down at where she touches you, albeit through the cloth of your gown. "i'd look past it. i'd see you as i do now regardless of what you'd done."

you shake your head, "you cannot mean that."

"i do." she brings your hand to her mouth, pressing her lips against the hills of your knuckles. she looks up at you through her lashes, her mouth remaining close to your skin as she whispers, "i do mean it."

you feel guilt settle deep within your chest, burrowing between your ribs and in the very tissue of your heart. an immoral darkness encompasses the organ ellie so desperately desires to obtain.

you'd lured people into your entrapment many times before. but something about ellie makes you feel bad for doing what you know you need to.

but it's too late now.

she's your last victim. the final sacrifice needed in order to finish what you'd started back in december. after taking her life, all will be well. all will be well. all will be well. well, well, well, well. you repeat this over and over in your mind as ellie kneels before you. she looks up at you as though you're an alter made for this. for worship.

your breath catches in your throat as you watch her sink to the tiled flooring, hands brought up to rest at your hips. her fingers fist the fabric of your habit as she speaks once more, "allow me to prove how much i mean it?"

your head is swimming, unsure on what to do. logically, you know you should stop this before it gets too far. you've already lured her in close enough to do what's needed. but, for some reason, there's a thick knot forming in your chest. as it grows, you come to realize it's not a knot at all. it's a fist. it's ellie's fist.

her eyes bore into your own, her hands remain gripping your hips. somehow, though, you feel as though they're managing to trace their way through you. they line your bones and caress your tendons before inevitably finding their way to your heart. she holds it in the palm of her figurative hands as her physical ones begin to hike up your habit, slowly pulling the cloak up from the floor.

still, despite the discernible desire in her eyes, she does nothing but wait for your response of consent.

it's inexorable, the way you give in. the slight nod of your head had been predestined from the moment you spotted her at that window; and it will continue to prove relevant until your respective faits are sealed.

to ellie, it felt as though you'd taken hours to reply despite it only having been a minute or less. but the moment you nod, she's moving eagerly. she's grabbing your hips and hoisting you up onto the counter whilst simultaneously struggling to pull up the skirts of your clothes. she's trying to do so many things at once that it's dizzying. for both parties.

you aid her, shifting atop the marble as you pull the habit up to reveal what lies beneath it.

ellie feels the world fall from beneath her knelt locale as she stares. a pair of black lace panties adorn you, the upper half of your body remaining covered by the bunched cloth of your habit. the time she takes to memorize you feels agonizing as you sit there, itching to feel her body on yours.

once she's confident that the image has been successfully engraved into her mind, she leans forward. your legs are already parted when her mouth makes contact with your clothed vulva. the wetness that soaks the material soon made into a mixture of your arousal and ellie's opened mouth.

her tongue traces light circles into your clit, a soft sigh escaping your lips as your grip on your habit begins to loosen. you toss your head back in pleasure, the sound of ellie's slurping and licking mixing with the mechanical hum of the lights.

"ohmygod," she says against you, the vibrations of her voice making your breath pick up its pace. "you're so fucking perfect."

one of your hands comes down to tangle in the auburn of her hair, tufts weaving between your shaky fingers. you tug on it, pulling a grunt form the back of ellie's throat as her scalp stings. despite her noise of pain, this only manages to make ellie more vehement in her actions.

she grabs the hem of your panties with her teeth, yanking them to the side. her eyes are shut as she licks a long strip through your wet muscle. you can’t help the way you stare down at her, watching as she puts her absolute all into making you feel good. and, as it turns out, she’s quite skilled at doing so.

ellie's mind is fogged over, mimicking the way her car's windows had been earlier. she supposes there’s no true difference there, however. the interior of her car had been warm in comparison to the cool outside air. swap the temperatures and there’s naught that varies. the warmth that you provide makes ellie feel cold in contrast, which ends in a fogged mind.

the taste of you is enough to make her lose whatever sanity remains intact. all that adrenaline that had flowed through her earlier is being poured into you.

after all, stars should be worshipped right? they should be admired from below, gawked up at. they should be mapped and studied by only the wisest of mankind. they should be doted on with a possessive sense of adoration, one only fit for something so celestial and untouchable as a star.

and that's what you are. to ellie, at least. you're a brightly shining nebula — a feathery cloud of vibrancy, visible only in the darkest of nights. only in the coldest of weathers. only in most decrepit of churches. only here, only now.

only when fate is carved in this exact way. had one thing been altered, none of this would have taken place. it was providence that brought you together. you weren't written in the stars or tethered your entire lives. in fact, the chance of your paths crossing was rather low. but, honestly, that only makes your acquaintance more deeply rooted in kismet. makes it more special.

"fuck," you pant, chest heaving as you squeeze your eyes shut. your head thuds against the cabinet as you tighten your grip on ellie's hair. she groans, fingers pressing deeply into the skin of your hips, hard enough to leave a bruise. your thighs tighten around her head, a coil of heat sitting heavily in the pit of your stomach. "ellie, i'm—"

she tilts her head up slightly, nose pressing into the bead of your clit. she watches through lidded eyes as you come undone onto her face.

she savors it, committing every little detail to memory. a habit this has become, watching you. your brows knit, your legs shake slightly, you breath hitches. and ellie retains all to it.

she made you see stars. made you look into a mirror and see yourself.

that feeling of blissful release is what she feels every time she's fortunate enough to gaze upon you. and now you've experienced it. and she cannot feel more accomplished than she does right now.

"this," you pant, tugging on her hair to bring her face up to your own. she does as you direct her, standing from the floor to press your foreheads together. "was a terrible idea."

"yeah?" she breathes out. "and why's that?"

you run your hands up and down her back, fingertips tracing the stitching of her leather jacket. you can feel the outlined letters of her 'fbi' label. that familiar twinge of guilt encircles you.

she's a good person — a woman who's to spend the rest of her life helping random people she doesn't know. and yet, here she is. made unfortunate enough to have succeeded in her endeavor.

she stares at you like you're a god, something heavenly. something seraphic. something worthy of her.

"i'm not a good person." you whisper, leaning away from her proximity. predictably, she follows, leaning closer with a desperation only fit for one in love.

the guilt of what you must do is eating you alive. it claws at your chest, snapping your ribs like twigs as it wedges between them to burrow deep within you. it's agonizing yet completely unavoidable.

and in a sickeningly poetic outturn, a random butcher knife is sat neatly atop the marble counter only a foot away from where you sit. just as ellie meets your eyes, the blade happens to catch the light and reflect yellow luminescence. a grotesque reminder of what you're unable to run from.

"nobody is innately good. and, as a nun, y' should know that better than anyone." ellie huffs out a laugh, eyes not daring to stray from you. "in other words, i don't care."

"but you should." you insist, voice teetering on the edge of plea.

"and yet, i don't." ellie counters, just as passionate in her solemnity. you suck in a breath, eyes glossing over. she looks at you with a fondness that feels foreign. she cups your cheeks between her palms, repeating, "i don't."

"i've done horrible things." you say.

"you're a nun." she points out with a light chuckle rumbling her chest. "how horrible could these things have been?"

part of you wants to open up to her, tell her everything that's been weighing on you for these past three months. but each time you get close to a confession, something inanimately symbolic taunts you. whether that be the butcher knife, the hum of electricity, the gun holster at her hip, the residual lust in your chest, or the bright yellow lettering on her jacket.

that gun is meant for you just as that butcher knife is meant for ellie. she'd been wise to bring a weapon, a clear sign that she'd intended on finding someone culpable enough to suspect. and you'd been wise to set the blade atop the counter on the off chance that you'd meet your final victim tonight.

you feel sick to your stomach.

"oh shit," ellie curses as she takes notice to the way you're visibly crumbling in front of her. "i— uh, i didn't mean to be, like, insensitive or anythin'. i'll still listen to you. and i promise to not hate you. promise to never hate you."

"ellie, stop." you sigh. "you can't promise something like that. you don't even know what i—"

"then tell me." she insists, your face still in her cupped hands. you look at her through blurred vision, naught but sincerity behind her pale green irises. "if y' tell me what it is that y' did, we can both carry the burden."

you're instantly shaking your head.

"you don't have to do this alone." ellie says. "plus, isn't a weight split a lighter load than one full?"

as you stare into her eyes, you can't stop yourself from what comes next. you're unable to keep your mouth shut when she's looking at you like that. you decide to tell her, opening your ribs and bearing your heart as though she hadn't already taken it from you. you truly feel more bare in this moment than you did when she'd literally been eating you out.

ellie put her entire trust into you when letting down her guard and abandoning the case she'd obsessed over for weeks. she dropped it like it were nothing, focusing entirely on you in its stead. the least you could do is be honest, right? plus, she's not leaving here anyway. you'd locked the door the moment you two entered the kitchen when she'd been too distracted by your beauty to notice. the trap is already set and she's sitting inside of it without a care. all you need to do now is pull the strings.

but first comes honesty.

for ellie, you'd peel off your clothes. you'd peel off your skin. you'd peel off your flesh. then, when you're naught but bones, you'd give yourself to her. you'd give your entire being to her. not because you think you're worthy of her possession, but because this is all you have. the only thing you're able to offer her as a symbol of your devotion, it's yourself.

though, while you're unable to strip yourself clean off your bones, you feel as though rendering yourself vulnerable and fragile is the next best thing you can offer. for her, you are willing to do the priorly unthinkable.

"you're here in search of the missing men, are you not?" you ask, beginning with baby steps. "in search of who's behind their absences?"

ellie straightens, "i am."

"well." you gesture down at yourself. at your crooked veil that shows stray hairs peeking from underneath; at your hiked up habit, just barely falling to cover your underwear; at your knees that rest on either side of ellie's waist; at your vulnerable state that you're offering up to her. at your bones. "you've found me."

ellie's heart stutters in her chest. not because of what you'd revealed to her, but because you trusted her enough to do so. she no longer cares an ounce for the missing people of bluefeild. all she wants is you. she may be a fool to be this way, but she's in far too deep to mind.

she gives you a weak smile, "i don't care."

"what?" you croak. you stare at her incredulously. there's no way she doesn't care. there's no fucking way. "yes you do."

"i don't."

you blink, looking her up and down. there must be something you're missing — her reaching for her gun, her taking a step backward, her eyes darting toward the knife. but she does none of that. she simply remains stood between your legs, keeps her hands on you, and stares directly into your eyes as you confess your gravest of sins.

"but—" you shake your head, stammering. "but i killed all those people. they're dead. all of them. over two hundred men are buried behind the church."

"i don't care." she repeats, noticing the way your voice raises with trepidation. she traces her hands down your arms, stopping only when they reach your own. she tangles your fingers together, feeling the way your body relaxes slightly to the feel of her touch.

"i killed them because i was paid to." you tell her, your mind reeling as you're unable to grasp her lack of care. you talk in a frantic quickness, rushing to get the truth out for fear that ellie will change her mind in the time it takes for you to speak. "their wives, neighbors, daughters. they— they'd come to me in the confession booths and tell me of the men's abuse o-or assault or misdeeds. and i'd kill them for them. i don't—"

ellie's face remains soft. "you did a good thing, then."

"you can't be serious." you huff, eyes watering with the sheer confusion building within you. "i don't understand how you can still look at me like that. i took their lives. these people, i— they had dreams, they had aspirations and goals and families and—"

"listen," ellie whispers, her hands squeezing yours. "they were horrible people that hurt women. they were abusers and rapists and i don't care what y' did to them or how. all i care about is whether or not y' feel better."

"what?" you ask, voice nigh a breath. "what do you mean feel better?"

"to have gotten that off your chest." she digresses.

you take a deep breath, grounding yourself. the adrenaline of the confession slowly dwindles and you're no longer spiraling. you stare at ellie, centering on her face as the world comes back into focus.

you count your senses one by one. the smell of tea, the sound of humming lights, the feel of a hard counter beneath you, the taste of a bitter truth, the sight of ellie's fond expression. your breathing levels out, slowly but surely. and ellie stares at you the entire time. memorizing you.

"yeah." you whisper. "yeah, i do."

"then that's all that matters."

a supernova; to watch a star combust and explode, a colossally significant occurrence that only the most fortunate are able to witness. ellie considers herself to be substantially fortunate. not only because of what she'd just seen, but because of who it was that did it.

to her, this is even better than a natural supernova. rather than watching a random gassy ball of light die, its you. someone she adores and treasures. and you didn't die. instead, you opens yourself willingly to her. you broke down your walls and bore yourself to her. for ellie, that is far more important than some star's death.

"but—" you say, bringing her attention back to your face. your brows are knitted, clearly struggling to get the words out. she watches you with an easy patience, pupils blown as she submits this to her memory alongside all other files in her brain saved under your name. "but there's more."

"let's hear it." she replies, raising a brow.

you suck in a deep breath, lowering your head as to not face ellie before speaking. "i didn't just start killing whatever men that these women were asking of me. it started smaller. i killed animals, put them in a circle of salt, drew and pentagram, the whole ordeal."

"you sacrificed them?" she asks, tone remaining laced with gentility.

"yes." you nod. "i felt my baptism wasn't enough. god never answered me anyway, he never aided me when i needed it most. he watched my suffering and did nothing. so, i resorted to a new deity of worship." you lift your gaze to meet ellie's. "satanism."

"i'm sorry, i don't—" she blinks a few times, confused. "i don't understand."

"as a child, i relied on god to do everything. my life was nothing without him in it to keep me going. but as i grew, i realized it was unrequited. he cared nothing for me, watching with regale as i sobbed and begged for his help." you explain. "so, as a teenager, i switched over to satanism — worship of someone who actually cared enough to save me."

ellie says nothing, staying silent as you confide in her. she continues to hold your hands, softly cradling them on either side of where you sit.

"but then he wished for payment." you continue. "sacrificial lives as a form of repent for all those years i'd spent as a baptist. i obliged, of course. i killed bunnies and deer, doing research to understand how exactly to offer the stolen lives to him. but as of late, he's wanted more."

"humans." ellie guesses.

"yeah." you confirm. "but i couldn't bring myself to kill random innocent people. so i became a nun and listened in on the confession booths. then, i'd ask the confessors if they wished for me to intervene. they'd concur, paying me to take the lives of their abusers." you recall the fear in the women's voices, the shakiness to their hands as they slipped money through the cracks of the door. "they never saw my face, only heard my voice. and, seeing as i live in the church, none of the recognized me. i soon became a symbol of hope for women and one of fear for men."

ellie's mind strays back to all the religious symbols staked in the yards. "that explains their heavy faith. they think you're some type of prophet."

"yeah, but there's more." you say. "i've researched many, many books to make sure i get this ritual right. and, as it turns out, my 250th victim has to be a martyr. someone who doesn't believe in anything. doing this seals the ritual, ending it."

"good luck finding someone here who meets that criteria." she chuckles.

"exactly." you say carefully. "everyone in bluefield is heavily religious. unless that someone has come from out of town."

"me."

"i wish it wasn't." you rush to explain. "i wish there was some other way i could do this. but it has to be today. i need to do it before another woman comes in asking for my help or the numbers will get thrown off. and if i decline her, i'll lose the faith of all the women in bluefeild."

"okay," ellie shrugs. "do it."

"...what?"

"i don't care." ellie says, the sentence becoming something of a catchphrase for her.

the world stops. again. it screeches to a halt and you almost slam forward at the speed of which it crashed down. you stare at ellie with wide eyes, made shocked by her for a second time. someone so hauntingly perfect cannot truly offer herself up to you like this. she can't seriously be holding out her hand, asking for death to take it.

but what you don't know is that ellie would deem it a gift to die by your hand. it'd be better than dying as a withered elder attached to a beeping machine, or as an agent amid a case who only got to see you in her dreams.

but, this way, she'd be with you always. her love for you would be immortalized; she would be tied down to the very threads that make up the the fabrications of your soul. oh a gift that would be.

"do it." she repeats.

"what?, i don't—" she silences you by leaning forward, pressing her lips against yours.

ellie had kissed you out of impulse, knowing no other way to silence that thundering uncertainty that rumbles your brain. but the moment she does it, she's positive she'll never be able to pull away.

your lips are a cathedral of which she cannot help but melt into, your body a temple she's knelt before and wouldn't hesitate to do again. she kisses you with devout piety, her body molding into yours with each touch that lingers on your skin. somehow, this measly kiss is far more intimate than all else before it.

a silent tear slips from your closed eye as you subtly reach your hand over to where you know the butcher knife lies in wait. ellie surely feels your movement, there's no way she doesn't. but she makes no move to stop kissing you, her lips moving with a vehement neediness.

you loathe the way your fingers find the hilt of the knife. even more so, you despise the way you wrap your hand around it and bring it toward ellie.

she knows. she knows what you're about to do.

and she allows it.

love isn't easy for ellie, never had been. but with you, everything falls into place as though it'd been predestined to do so her entire life. as she feels your body shift toward the knife, nothing runs through her mind aside from your name. on repeat, the singular word replays over and over. she wraps your name around her skull, weaving the letters between her thoughts and molding the syllables against her brain. she was born to love you. and so long as she was able to do so, she'd be okay.

just as the tip of the blade brushes her jacket, you pull away from the kiss and stare at her. the knife remains at her back, resting against leather but not daring to press any harder. ellie's pupils are blown, her lips wet from your own saliva.

"i can't." you utter. "i can't do this to you."

she sighs, "i already told you it's fine, angel. just— as long as i have you near me, i'm content with my decision."

"no." you shake your head. "no i know. it's—" knowing ellie wouldn't understand your explanation, you decide to show her what you mean. with your free hand, you place your palm against her gun holster. "whatever you go through, i want to be there with you."

her eyes widen at your words. she jolts away from you, appearing as though she'd been burned. she sets her jaw, turning her hip away from your reach. "no."

"ellie, please." you implore, tone beseeching. "i can't live on knowing i'd done this to you."

"it's unavoidable." she reminds you. "y' made a deal with the fuckin' devil, or, well— i'm honestly not too sure on the details, but— y' can't not follow through. i understand, okay? finish the damn ritual and live your life."

"i don't want to." you plead with her. "not without you."

she shakes her head, eyes glossing over. despite the evident distaste, her refusal is weak. she stands only a foot away from you, seeming as though she's physically incapable of moving any farther.

"ellie," you say, whispering her name like a prayer. she can't help but look up at you through watery eyes. "ellie, please."

"i don't want you to die." she says, voice nigh a whimper.

"we'll be together, ellie," you tell her, hopping down from the counter to approach her. the blade remains in your hand, long forgotten to the both of you as the sight of the other is far more appealing. "if we do this, we can be together for all of eternity. they'll find our fossils in a million years, bones entwined. they won't even know who's who."

she chokes out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. "god, how stupid would that be?"

you laugh with her, "so stupid."

you're both crying now, tears streaming down your faces as you stare at one another. slowly, ellie pulls the gun from her holster. she's unsure on how this will go down, but she's willing to try. for you.

to be loved is a horrific thing, you've found. it's to be swallowed whole by something so disgustingly beautiful that you're incapable of turning away.

ellie takes a step closer, the distance between the two of you closing. her left hand holds the gun, her right hand coming up to wrap an arm behind your neck. she pulls your toward her, pressing another kiss to your mouth.

your tears mingle, forming a salty sea on your touching cheeks. you sob against her, chest heaving as you pull her closer with one hand, the other holding the knife. she tastes of sacrilege, salvation, and sacrifice. the ghosts that will haunt this decrepit church until the end of time. together.

whatever string that pulled the two of you toward each other will be knotted, tying two lost souls in search of the other.

"ellie," you whisper between wet kisses, lifting the knife to rest at the nape of her neck, "it's time."

she lets out a sob, a convulsive gasp tearing from her throat. "okay,"

you count down, the two of you agreeing to do it at the same time. you'll drive the blade into her neck whilst she pulls the trigger. your bodies will fall in unison, clinging to one another.

when you reach one, you sink the blade into her with a sickening squelsh. she chokes, dropping the pistol to the floor. it lands with a loud clank moments before her body falls with a thud. your eyes widen, heart ceasing. blood pools onto the white tiles and only one thought runs through your mind: she didn't pull the trigger.

she didn't pull the trigger.

she

didn't

pull

the

trigger.

she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't—

you fall to your knees beside her, hands coming to cradle her bloodied face. you pull her head into your lap, rocking back and forth as crimson soaks into the black fabric of your habit. you clutch her tightly against you, pressing hard on her slit neck, willing the blood to go back inside.

death doesn't take her hand. instead, he grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her for the untimely demise she'd agreed to. the heart she'd taken from you rattles. the death rattle. you choke out a sob at the sound, everything aching.

you lean forward, pressing a kiss to her cold, dead lips. she doesn't kiss you back. you pull away, panting hard as your chest heaves and your eyes burn.

then, in the corner of your eye, you see the metal of ellie's pistol. you crawl across the kitchen toward the weapon, realizing she hadn't even cocked it. god, how had you been so stupid? you do it for her, loading the bullets into the chamber.

with the gun now in your possession, you crawl back over to ellie.

you position yourself atop her, entwining your legs and placing your head on her chest. it doesn't rise nor fall, no beating heard from beneath her ribs. you sob, placing the gun's barrel to the soft part of your chin.

then, without another thought, you pull the trigger. you pull it because ellie was unable. because ellie couldn't bear to do it for you. a part of you resents her for this, but another part can't feel anything for her aside from utmost love.

and there lie two bodies. lifeless.

ellie found what she'd been searching for all her life: something worthy of her devotion. something she can pour her all into. that had been why she became an fbi agent in the first place — in search something to worship whole heartedly. simultaneously, you'd found what you'd been searching for as well: peace.

in the end, however, it had all been for naught.

the ritual didn't work.

it needed someone faithless, someone who didn't care for religion, for god. but that wasn't ellie. not anymore, at least. because, after having met you, she'd finally found something worth her revere.

you were her religion.

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist. @luvsturniolo @ilovewomenfr @zzombiegirl @elliessweetheart @kasqnxx @xlovla

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 additional note. i want this to be said here because i know this piece is super fucking heavy. ellie and the reader's relationship is so fucking toxic. anyone who reads this, i hope you realize how absolutely horrific their love story truly is. there's a shit ton of symbolism weaved within this story that i didn't outwardly state (though most of it i blatantly explained). if u have any questions regarding this piece, i'd love to talk about it bc i put a lot of time into making it.

but, again, their relationship is TOXICCCCCCCCCC!!!!!! it's not meant to be idolized or romanticized in any way. if you didn't notice, i barely used the word 'love' and never made either of them say 'i love you'. that was for a reason!!!! because what they share isn't love. it's unhealthy obsession & i need that to be outwardly said before i post this

[bunny-jpeg]

drops of blood

toto wolff

tags: smut/pwp, vampire au, vampire!toto, pet names, human!reader, blood & blood drinking (duh),

a/n: happy halloween!! also i apologize to german speakers, i tried really hard to make sure any and all translations were good. apologies if i failed

"my, my, what big teeth you have." you said as you got into your lover's lap. you cupped his face and marveled at him with a warmth in your smile.

toto chuckled, "i think you have the wrong monster, mein süße." he looked up at you with those dark eyes of him. you always thought vampires had red eyes or eyes like shimmering gold. but toto's eyes were dark. that lured you in and it was very easy for you to fall under his spell.

he had spent centuries luring innocent virgins to a bloodied death, to sate his thirst. but, not you. you were less of a meal and more of a lover. he allowed your curious human nature to touch his icy, cold soul.

toto had many nicknames for you. some days he would go without saying your name. mein süße, liebchen, kleine, and his personal favourite, sonnenschein. or he'd just call you, sunny.

you knew some were a little infantalizing at times. but, it was hard for toto to see that you were a woman. you were so young, compared to him. he was centuries years old. he had seen so much. so of course, you seemed so young in comparison!

"so much light in those eyes." he said as he marveled at you. you'd giggle and squirm at his strong praises. his hands on you and his lips are you neck. you knew he could bite you, he had done it before. but instead he laid a tender kiss.

he was a looming figure. he was one with night, the moon, the darkness. and you were the embodiment of the sun, dazzling and bright with warmth. so he was more willing to depart from his large home in monaco to spend sunny days with you.

you smeared sunscreen across his cheeks. you were certain that it could work on a vampire! toto humoured you, he wasn't allergic to the sun. just that his skin was a little more sensitive. you two would go out about your day, and toto would admire you by the water.

"stay still, sonnenschein." he said as he got his phone out. he may be old, but he wasn't prehistoric. he knew how to use an iphone, after all he had a collection of photos. primarily of you. you smiled and looked precious by the waterside. he smiled, "my sunshine."

but when the nighttime came, that was when toto was at his strongest. the sunshine in large quantities made him tired the way too much darkness could. it was circadian rhythm in reverse. but he'd spend decades in the sun if it meant being with you. but when the night came, then his touches got a little more assertive. he groped at your behind while you laid cuddled at his side in bed with a movie on.

you squirmed a little under his touch and he smiled down at you. you looked up at him and pouted at you. you had an expression of a doe, even if you couldn't see it. a little fawn was more accurate in toto's eyes. you held onto the front of the white undershirt he wore to bed. your legs tangled up in one another. you smiled at him gently and pressed yourself further against him. he held onto you a little tighter and kissed the top of your head.

you said, "i guess it is getting to that time of the night." you shifted a little bit and got yourself up. you were in a pair of sleeping shorts with hamburgers printed on them and a tank top with a bear on it. you made sure any hair was off the nape of your neck and exposed your neck to him.

toto chuckled, "i've trained you so well, sunny." two of his fingers trailed across your soft skin.

you replied, "i'm not a dog, mister wolff." you looked over briefly and stuck your tongue out at him. then hissed when your lover sank his fangs into your neck. you whined a little bit. you knew that some would view you as a live-in meal for an ancient vampire. but, it was so much more than that. after everything toto did for you, you didn't mind giving some of your blood to him.

he placed a hand at your middle and groaned a little against you. he always said you tasted delicious, better than any wine he ever had. you didn't know exactly how to respond to that. you knew you had a lot of positive traits, but you never considered that your blood tasted good.

toto was a proper man, he knew how to bite in a way to not make a massive mess all over you, him and the bed. you'd akin it to getting a needle, a little blood left over. after all, toto didn't want to waste a drop. not when it was so good. he held you a little tighter as he made sure the dribble of blood got into his mouth. you could feel his tongue up against your flushed skin.

while he was very diligent with making sure that he didn't make a mess of your bed. but, he did make a bruised mess on your neck. that was his mark on you. you moaned a little bit and reached for him. he held himself closer to you and you felt the warmth flood in your gut.

he licked the wound to close it and you shuddered with want. you felt the warmth through you as you relaxed a little. you combed your fingers through his dark hair as you moaned a little. you felt good as he pulled away. he licked his lips free of blood.

his eyes seemed a little darker, not with a blood hunger. but, a sexual hunger. and with you a little light headed made you giggle as you leaned in to kiss him on the lips. you flopped back into bed with him and kissed him all over. there were moans that escaped your lips as you could feel your lover's hands on your ass. you shifted a little and felt the heat in your core.

"such a beautiful girl." he said as he pushed hair out of your eyes. he stared at you. you could see your blood stained on his teeth and it made excitement rush through you. he added, "my sunshine."

you felt heat bloom in your cheeks and toto grabbed at your hips. he rubbed his hard cock up against your sweet pussy. you were both clothed, but you knew you'd be nude soon enough. he let go long enough for you to get your cheeky shorts off and the cotton panties underneath.

he took off his undershirt and sweatpants. both of you soon were naked and his hands were back on you. he kissed at your neck, right where he bit you and you whined from the feeling of his lips against your bruised skin. you were beautiful under him.

but you were even more beautiful when you were on top. and toto moved you onto his hips. you braced your hands across his broad chest and rubbed up against his cock. your slick pussy teased him and he held onto you soft hips. he eyed you and slowly you sank on his cock which made excitement leap through you.

"my beautiful sunshine." he purred, "mein süße." he watched your moved with a careful gaze. to him you were perfect. centuries on this earth, moving through it like a dark cloud. you were the peeks of sunlight that cut through his darkness.

you made him feel human. alive for the first time in years. he groaned when he felt the pleasure curl in his gut. in a perverted fairness, he felt quite alive when you two were intimate. when you rode him, not hard enough to bruise your soft body. but enough to make both of you feel a heavenly euphoria.

you whined a little bit as your applied more of your weight against him. his hands held onto you as you moved up and down. his cock stayed in you the entire time, but your movements made him feel a course of hot through him. you once asked him how could he remain hard when he was a vampire. he simply kissed your head and told you not to think about it too hard. it was a a weird quirk of vampires, a small piece of heaven. to be technically undead, but still receive pleasure. he would take what he could get. and what he could get was the most beautiful woman in monaco riding him under the low yellow lights of your bedroom.

"that's it." he groaned, "you're beautiful." he sighed as he held on a little tighter. his accent hung a little heavier with the heat in his voice. that made you excited, leaving you hungry for more of him.

you panted heavily and leaned in, curving your back to kiss him passionately on the lips. you squeaked against the kiss. your pace quickened and it made you feel a rush of pleasure through you more. the thump in your chest quickened the more you moved.

the kissed got hungrier, the lust grew bloomed between you two. toto held the back of your head while he kissed you deeply. you ranked your fingers down his chest and arched your back a little. you felt the patter of want in your chest as the two of your moved against one another.

toto trailed kisses across your cheek and jaw. your noises got a bit louder and your lover's grip held onto you tighter. he could feel your pulse under his lips. it warmed the immortal creature. you were a flame in his life that he was drawn to. he would always be drawn to you, for all your years together.

"mmm, toto."

he moved up against you a little faster and it made you moan a little louder. your pulse quickened and it made the vampire lust for you even more. he loved the taste of you, even when there was no blood involved. you were everything he yearned for, the creature of the night found love in the embodiment of the sun.

you held onto his shoulder, pressed chest to chest as the two of you moved against one another. you captured his lips and moaned a little louder. you could feel the rapid thump of your pulse in your ears. you felt the shiver of excitement through you as you two fucked one another.

the pace was consistent. it wasn't rough so toto could hurt you. he'd feel horrible if he truly hurt you. if he bruised you in ways you didn't consent to. you moaned a little louder against the heated kisses. his hands gripped on a little tighter. he kept you firmly against him as you moved up and down his cock.

when the kiss broke, you looked at him with a lust fueled gaze. your tongue stuck out for a moment while you tried to catch your breath. the pleasure was becoming an overwhelming feeling. the heat between you two left you feverish for him.

your short nails clawed at his shoulders as you knew you were close to climax. toto knew it as well, your cunt clenched around him. part of him wanted to switch the positions, but you'd whine due to being so close to climax. you could be a bossy little sunshine.

not that he minded, he loved that you knew what you wanted. and you wanted him. every way you could have him. the kisses continued and soon you tensed up. you felt the buzz of orgasm go through you as you finished first.

toto shuddered from the feeling. it didn't take long before he felt the heat of climax as well. he wrapped hid arms around your smaller middle and rutted up into you. while he could experience climax, he didn't cum inside of you. a downside of being a vampire.

you lazily made out with one another once more as you both rode out your climaxes. and when you were both done, you rested against one another. you laid out on your lover's chest. you felt hot and sweaty.

but toto didn't care. he kept kissing your soft face. you moaned a little bit and he chuckled. he rubbed your back while you came back to reality. you looked up at him, your chin on his chest.

you reached to tap your lips cutely and toto went in to kiss you softly on the lips. you melted a little from his touch. and he patted your behind lovingly.

toto never expected to enjoy the sun after his transformation into a vampire all those years ago. while he didn't combust in the sun, he still strayed away from its light. he didn't expect to find the sun in the loving form of the most beautiful woman he had ever met.

his love, his life, his sonnenschein <3

[duke-daemon]

hazbin hotel redesigns wooooooooo

okay so. i'm gonna discuss my thoughts about them n shit, putting under a readmore bc it's gonna get long and rambley. sorry in advance for the shit formatting, i'm on mobile </3

just some general shit about how i would rewrite it. i think the premise of redeeming sinners is entertaining but is executed horribly. i also am a fan of the "heaven isn't great either" idea but again, executed horribly. i'd make the hierarchy of angels more accurate because it's cool as hell and i have autism about it. the characters from hell would swear still (albeit not as much), but the angels would outright refuse to swear or make vulgar jokes ever. this would be partially to further the gap between heaven and hell and make the differences more stark.

hell would also be more like dante's inferno (again because i think its cool). the ars goetia would get a full redesign and would be more prevalent in demonic society.

now for the characters!

---

VAGGIE VALTIEL:

starting off with vaggie, or Valtiel as i've renamed her because let's be honest her original name sucks. Valtiel (Val for short) was an aspiring power angel who wanted to be an exorcist. she looked up to lute and thought the idea of killing demons was really cool and badass. however when she actually was on the field for the first time she discovered how awful this actually was. she tried to help a few demons but lute figured it out and felled her right then and there. the rest of her story is relatively the same. personality wise she's more stoic and less prone to all-out aggression. she still get angry, sure, but it's in a quieter and more menacing way. you DO NOT want to fuck with Valtiel.

CHARLIE:

next up is charlie! i had two ideas for her. the first one (unsettling drawing) has her as a mannequin/doll type demon. lucifer and/or lilith was unable to conceive and as such they built a kid from scratch. she's overall similar to og charlie personality wise, very kind and cheerful despite her unsettling appearance. she struggles with empathy sometimes but really does mean well. her motive for rehabilitating sinners is so they get to see their family again. being able to see heaven from where they are in hell must make them sad, so she wants to help make them happy again!

the second idea for charlie has her as an angel. specifically i casted her as a dominion angel due to their reputation as holy judges. she was once a demon but has been rehabilitated and has risen into angelhood! she now wants to help her former kin do the same and redeem themselves in heaven's gaze. again, similar cheery personality, but a bit more prudish in this rendition

tangent time!

as a side tangent, valtiel and charlie would have a different relationship in this rewrite. their relationship felt shoehorned in in the original show, like it was just there for the hell of it. we didn't see much development between them and it just felt kinda bland. so in my rewrite, charlie and valtiel are amiable exes. they tried dating when valtiel first fell (when charlie was still a demon in the charlie-angel version) but realized their feelings for each other were much more platonic than romantic. they ended things off on good terms, deciding they were much better as friends. they are still besties to this day! later charlie ends up with emily (or 'ellie' as i plan to rename her)

back to the characters

Alastor:

note: i made alastor mixed-race, which could be seen as bad by some due to vivzie saying he's black. however, as many have pointed out, he has no ethnic features whatsoever and i honestly wouldn't be surprised if she said that just to get away with using voodoo symbols (a closed religion) in his imagery/design. like viv, i am incredibly white and have little to no knowledge of voodoo, and even if i did i would not use it for something like this anyways due to the stigma the religion already has and (again) it being a closed practice. as such i removed it from his concept altogether, but made him mixed race (white passing) because.. why not i guess, i forgor my actual reasoning

with that being said...

alastor is by far my favorite of the redesigns and i'm honestly tempted to turn him into a legally distinct oc. i imagine he's somewhat reserved, along the lines of norman bates albeit a bit more extroverted. during his life he was a serial killer with a day job as a radio announcer. he took pleasure in reporting about his own murders on the radio, but that is eventually what got him caught (ie accidentally letting slip info that wasn't released to the public). as a result he was sentenced to death. upon arriving in hell, he quickly rose through the ranks to borderline overlord status and is a feared presence by demons and sinners alike. why is he bothering to assist in the hotel project? who knows... his motives are a mystery, like the rest of what he does

(he isn't actually alastair crowley i just thought the naming convention was ironic. however he may have also dabbled with satanic magic in lifetime..)

Angel Dust:

TW: brief discussion of SA

this is definitely my second favorite redesign. i loooove insect themes and wanted to do more than just Extra Arms, so he now has fucked up legs and a lot of eyes too! story-wise, angel used to be a criminal mastermind, hated by both the mafia and the feds. he was a gentleman thief, arranging massive heists under the cover of night while also partaking in the occasional drag show. he ended up a cocaine addict later in life, which caused his work to become sloppier. eventually he was killed in a heist gone wrong, specifically shot by the police.

i'm not gonna go too in-depth on the SA part of his story, but he is hypersexual due to being assaulted in both his life and afterlife. it would be something he'd be working on in the rewrite. his reason for coming to the hotel in the first place may have even been for help with this trauma. underneath his sultry exterior is a broken guy who really just needs someone to care about him for who he really is and not for what his body can do.

LUTE:

so lute and adam are some of the characters i have the most gripes about. the biggest one being why viv chose adam as the leader of the exorcists in the first place. if she wants a biblical figure tied to demon killing, Archangel Michael is RIGHT THERE, aka the one destined to kill satan during the events of Revelations. if she wants the first human to die, that would be Abel, not Adam. and i kinda doubt abel would want to do the stuff that HH!adam has been doing. if she wants an angel related to torture, Dumah is her guy! an angel that rules over wicked souls and tortures sinners every day except sabbath. so many better options...

with that out of the way, Lute is still the lieutenant of the exorcist, who are a specially chosen group of powers sent to purge hell once a year. think navy seals. she's pretty much the same as in the show, albeit more muscular and visually different from other exorcists (seriously why do they all look exactly the same?????) she's a very repressed lesbian who hasn't had time to work on that due to her duties

i also redesigned the exorcist uniform/armor because those LED purge masks are fugly as hell and their clothes don't even look remotely like armor.

Adam + Final Thoughts

i did start a redesign of adam but got bored of it. regardless, i think he'd be the head of C.H.E.R.U.B. instead of the exorcists. he doesn't want his children to make the same mistakes he and eve did, so together they started C.H.E.R.U.B. to help lost souls stay out of hell

final thoughts uhhhh i'm tired. show sucks, it had so much potential but viv ruined it by being a shitty writer and an even shittier person. the designs are fine i guess but they all look exactly the same and are in desperate need of variety. the humor is dogshit, saying dick and balls and penis over and over and over again doesn't make it any funnier than the first three times you made that joke. anyways that's it, i hope you liked my inane ramblings. gonna go vanish for another forty years or so, adios

[dunmeshistash]

Why did Milsiril help with Mithrun's recovery?

Since people seemed to be interested in the post I made about why she adopted Kabru I wanted to write my thoughts about her helping Mithrun too.

I think with Mithrun it gets a little trickier tho, both because Mithrun himself doesn't speak much about his past and because most of it we get from a third party account. I'll also try to discuss based on what I see people say about their relationship although is probably gonna be shorter than Kabru's (came back to say it's not shorter), tw for self-harm because of Mithrun recovery drawings.

1 - So Mithrun could become a canary again

This is the theory I see the most often, probably it's whats on the main story, as far as I'm remembering there's no other mentions of Milsiril related to Mithrun besides the role she plays in sparing his life.

That story isn't reliable tho, Mithrun constantly points out that Kabru is glossing over details and Kabru himself is depicted as cooking (as the kids say) a good story that resonates with an audience.

So we can't really trust that this framing is objectively true

But even so taking just what happened, without the context Kabru added, what she did was spare his life once she realized he still had a hint of desire to exist within him.

Kabru lies (or rather embelishes a lot) when he says "and from that point onward, Mithrun lived only to slay demons. He ate even he had no desire to eat. He lived on even though he had no desire to live." he was useless for 20 years after this so 'saving him cause he will be useful later' isn't really too accurate. Milsiril also wasn't involved with his rehab until Utaya 18~19 years later so it definitely wasn't for this that she helped.

2 - So Mithrun could avenge Utaya by defeating the demon (She winded him up and set him on a path, you know, like a doll)

I think this one is kinda mean, I've seen people speak as if she only helped him after Utaya because she wanted to use him to defeat the demon. But there's no evidence Milsiril even cares about the demon or that she wants vengeance. My girl literally ran away and decided to look away instead of continuing to fight (and I can't blame her)

This, as far as I understand, is based both on the above section and on this part from her adventurer's bible extra

She shows up to visit him and brings up the demon, and then sets him up to go after it, but once again I think it relies on an unkind interpretation of her character; you gotta assume she has unseen ulterior motives already before the comic even starts, since this whole comic is talking about how she completely misinterpreted who Mithrun was when they were in the same squad, and how she feels he's actually someone she would get along with. If you know Milsiril, you know she only gets along with other misfits, she's acknowledging Mithrun as someone who was broken like her even before his desires were eaten.

This is the complete comic

"I always hated you. You were beautiful and perfect, and everybody loved you. You didn't seem to have a single worry or flaw.

But when I saw the dungeon you'd built, I was startled. It was such a warped, convoluted place built from inferiority, jealousy, lies and anger.

I wish I'd tried really talking to you. We might have hit off pretty well. Too late now, I guess"

She acknowledges him as a human being, when before she only saw him as the embodiment of the people that bullied her. And right after that she talks about the demon. There's no indication for a wish of vengeance anywhere in this comic, I'd even say the demon and the dungeons are barely important to what Milsiril is thinking, there's only belated compassion.

3 - Cause he was a new "project"

Related to the reasons pointed out in my Kabru post, people assume Milsiril is the type of person that wants/needs to feel superior to someone, or to put on an altruistic front or what have you. And that interpretation also leaks into how they see her helping Mithrun. I said the main reasons why I don't think she's that type of person on the other post so I wont repeat. But I don't think Mithrun is a "project" at all.

This was right after she fought on Utaya, I imagine a little after or a little before she took in Kabru, so she "had a project" already if you're gonna go with that wording. She was also finally free from the canaries and she had no obligation towards Mithrun. She also only went back to him decades after she spared his life, my assumption is that she did it because she finally could. She couldn't have guessed when she spared his life that 19 years later she would be free from the canaries and that Mithrun still wouldn't have been recovered and would have been needing her.

4 - And finally, why did she spare his life? Why did she help him recover?

This one isn't as straight foward as Kabru's adoption to me. I imagine the fact he had the potential to still be useful could be one of the reasons she spared Mithrun at first, but I also think that he newfound empathy she developed for him when she saw his dungeon might have been part of it, that seeing he still had some sort of drive and desire made her have hope he could still live.

Milsiril really seems like the type of person that likes to nurture, while I wouldn't say this makes her a "softie" and not able to execute him (I'm sure she could do a mercy kill) I think that soft side made her want to give him a chance. There's no proof for any of that ofc, and Kui confirmed in a QnA Mithrun wasn't arrested or executed because they were desperate for people to be in the canaries. (The choice probably wasn't only on her)

Now why she helped him? I think it's because she saw he could be helped.

She says herself she's only visiting, probably to check on him

"They said you've fully recovered but you might as well be a corpse." so by this point I think his body has recovered and he has managed to stabilize? But as this extra from the daydream hour shows he needed 24/7 care to stay alive in those first 18 years

Like she said he might as well be a corpse, he'd be in bed all day and have servants keeping him from dying, he would have fits where he would harm himself, he had no way to go on. It even says that even things that could remind him of his time as dungeon lord weren't allowed so he was probably being kept away from demon mentions (after all I doubt servants even knew about a demon)

But then when she mentions the demon he immediately gets up

She's surprised so I don't think she expected that, and she goes and uses that reaction to help him "Then first eat this. If you finish it all I'll take you to a dungeon again"

Rather than using him to fight the demon I think she's using the demon to help him live. Here's what his bio says

"After Mithrun was recused from the dungeon, he spent a while on the verge of death. However, with time and rehabilitation he gradually became able to lead a normal life again. The Utaya incident was the event that roused him. He thought, 'If I'd been there, I know I could have dealt with the demon somehow' and he resolved to return to active duty. (...)"

So it worked, Milsiril might have been there to help with his rehab but it was the Utaya situation that finally was able to motivate him to find a way to live and rejoin the canaries, so I think rather than setting him up to kill she realized it could be used to help him.

Which isn't a perfect solution, as you might know by the ending, his fate was to die either way: either he would die trying to kill the demon or he would defeat it and die because he had nothing else to live for.

But it was what Milsiril could do for him at that moment and it was how she managed to help him go forwards.

And that's my thoughts about Milsiril and Mithrun, I don't think they as big in each other's lives in canon as some people assume, there's barely a mention of Milsiril on his profile and she's barely named in his backstory. But they were both people that left a mark on each other's existence if only for a short time.

But I don't think Milsiril was just doing charity when helping Mithrun either, I imagine she did it because she saw herself in past Mithrun, and wanted to help him because of it.

Also side note, this extra:

That's past Mithrun saying she has ulterior motives, he isn't reliable and thinks badly of everyone. So ofc he thinks gloomy Milsiril is suspicious for helping, him doesn't mean it's true

Disclaimer again I'm a Milsiril stan so I'm very charitable in my interpretations of her, but hopefully you can see there's no indication she is someone who would use a sick person for revenge with the sources I've attached.