#[ Hopefully worth it though. I worked really hard on this! So I'm proud of it. At least! ]

[louroth]

Hello hello everybody! It is time for another months progress, and I am so excited to share with you, all the things I have gotten my grimy little gremlin hands on. First off, what we are all here for; writing. I have been on fire, to be honest! Last month I churned through the last of the first batch of erotica stories (there's 6 (!!!) of them on my patreon already) and set them up for publishing along with two more unseen ones- I'm still going over the logistics of where to publish for the best revenue (I know this sounds boring, but I have to make an income somehow, and hopefully find another audience as a smut writer on other platforms 💀 I love writing it so why not!), and I am making headway, learning the ins and outs of self publishing. On patreon, there are also two Q&A's that are written in a bit more fictional manner, in character: a more fun way than just writing answers straight up and down. I have enjoyed those so much! There's a bunch of other stuff I haven't even mentioned- honestly, I have to say, I'm really proud of my output on Patreon even though I have been really anxious about writing full time. It's going great! I have to thank my new friends and support-network on discord; you make this all worth it. I cannot express how fun it is to shoot the shit with you in vc, gaming together, or seeing your shenanigans in gen or your in depth theories (thanks for the brainworms!) or memes or staring longingly at the fanfic channel or drooling over your art (ouro related or not) or... Gah. You are just amazing people, and I will waste no opportunity in saying so. Thank you forever and ever and ever an-

When it comes to OUROBOROS, I am happy to announce that the next chapter is damn near done! I was halted because of the discovery that dashingdon is no longer supported by it's creator, and have been working on the twine version ever since, earlier than I expected- it's tough work, but I am so excited to make this an actual game made entirely by myself, and not submitting to a company that quite frankly leaves a bitter aftertaste. It is taking long to make because I want to make it mobile compatible from the start, which there isn't a lot of resources for. But I'm doing my best! The plan is that I will be posting the next chapter for Patreons in the coming month, and then treat you to a full twine release here on tumblr. I haven't made any rewrites when porting the twine build, but I would like to do that too... so we will see; this plan is not set in stone. I will just have to see how it evolves over the next month. Yes, beta-readers is still on the schedule, just holding off a little while while I wrap my head around this new coding landscape.

Other than that, I have been working on the set aesthetic for ouro, which has been really hard, a lot harder than I expected. You all know I am no wizard when it comes to graphic design, but I want to at least develop a set palette and imagery and portraits that is cohesive to the story. The work is ongoing, and I don't have much to say about it- even though it is taking a lot of my brain power. I'm hoping I can come to some kind of set and in depth conclusion that I am happy with before the twine release, because I want the game to feel like a treat to open up and play; a world to get lost in.

That's it! If you want to see weekly and more in depth dev-logs, you know where to go. I hope you have an amazing day or night, and we will see each other soon. xx

[drdemonprince]

autistic anon here again, thanks for fielding my question, you're a real one for not all toxic positivity on it. i guess i should've formulated things better, because i didn't mean to imply being completely wrapped up in decision paralysis to the point of doing nothing. that's a mental hurdle i've cleared a long time ago, so shit gets done. i have a few emails sitting in my inbox of fundraisers i helped with that closed out, and it;s making me emotional just thinking about it.

there's a weird disconnect between knowing that you're just one person (and that's something i actually like, i'm no-one special, that's a very freeing thought), and fully feeling it. because somewhere there's always a nagging worry i could do more. as true as it is, reminding yourself you're doing what you can feels like a convenient self-soothing lie when you're in the pit of a bad night. probably the calvinist whispering poisons in your ear. (being afraid of falling in the trap of slacktivism or just reposting everything as a signal boost and patting myself on the back for a job well done, amongst them. which is BS, but knowing isn't believing.)

i mentioned the autistic part for a reason, because community is something i've never quite experienced and only understand in the abstract. like those fundraisers i helped with many, many other people, that's a community effort and i'm proud i could contribute my little bit. translating that to in-person efforts has been a big ??? though. it's not very parseable or approachable to me.

i hadn't quite grokked this as all being part of shame, i have your book sitting here and have read it a while, probably should reread it.

Hey, thanks for writing back! I hear from people of all levels of engagement, from having never done anything to like dedicated black bloc hard core mother fuckers so it's hard to gauge from a single message what someone's particular situation is.

It sounds like you are already doing a ton, choosing actions to take, following through on them, reflecting on the impact of your tactics, and then regrouping to do more and to try things differently where you can. Yet you still feel like shit sometimes and as if you're not doing enough. What to do about those feelings?

Well. Consider those feelings aren't a problem you have to fix. They're just a thing that will happen. Because of cultural conditioning and endless exposure to alarming messages and imagery online they're just gonna come up. Those feelings can just exist while you keep doing the damn thing.

You've already got your behavior on lock. You're doing what you can and not succumbing to choice paralysis. You're hopefully not burning yourself out. It doesn't sound like anything needs to change, maybe other than you not consuming too much online bullshit that's making you feel even more guilty needlessly.

You say: "there's a weird disconnect between knowing that you're just one person (and that's something i actually like, i'm no-one special, that's a very freeing thought), and fully feeling it."

Yeah, you might not ever fully feel it. As long as you keep acting like it's true, you're good imo.

i feel like the most evil selfish unlovable human being alive most days. it doesn't really matter that i do. it sucks, but that's just a fact of how my life has been. i can keep picking myself up and doing what i have decided is right for me to do anyway. i do what i can to avoid triggers that make that feeling worse, so that it doesn't become a barrier to action, but otherwise i just... keep on living, with terrible emotions and terrible thoughts. and i focus on my actions.

As for the community piece, I hear you, it's really fucking hard. I think it's very humbling work that is so worth doing though. Often it involves showing up to the work that a group is doing and living with the fact that you won't know what the fuck is going on and looking inept for a while. it's a necessary distress tolerance building exercise, getting more comfortable with just being there and rearranging the chairs and setting up the food and feeling like a dumbass who has nothing to contribute.

being able to sit with those feelings and keep showing up and not having an ego about it is enough to earn a lot of trust and foster deeper connections, I find. so many people fail to be able to even do that in most organizing/activist/volunteering spaces. I understand it feels mortifying but it is another one of those situations of getting over oneself in a way that's ultimately so freeing and beautiful. when you can accept that people want you around even if you never have anything to say and do nothing but bring paper cups and take out the trash. it's a real object lesson in how not being all that important can be a wonderful thing and make it possible for us to find love and acceptance.

[icypantherwrites]

It is finished.

Words I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to write, but at 11:51 pm last night they became reality.

Bottled Ocean is finished.

I am really, really proud of myself for being able to come back to this story. I started writing it in all the way back in May 2020 so it has been almost four years from start to finish and it's been a really long, bumpy road. So much has happened over those four years and the story went from a vibrant, engaged audience when it first published to, if I'm lucky, one or two engaged readers and maybe five reading it total. It's been really hard to put forth the energy into writing such a monster of a story (it is officially over 250,000 words long) knowing that there's no one there really to read it and even now I'll be lucky to have one or two engaged readers for it.

But it is done. My legacy after writing over 400 fanfictions in the last 7 years is not an incomplete story. It's something I can look back on and be proud of that I wrote that and as anyone knows, 250,000 words is not a small undertaking.

I had promised myself that if I went back to writing this I would finish the story before it began publishing again on Patreon (which resumes today) and then life hit. I had Covid the last two weeks and felt really terrible and dizzy and unable to focus. I thought writing fight scenes was hard, bah, writing fight scenes while you're distracted by the word 'sword' because it says 's-word' and going off on a tangent of swear words you think pirates would say while still trying to write a fight scene is hard. I kept going.

I reached yesterday morning and realized that I still had at least four chapters to write and I wasn't sure how I was going to do it and even if my deadline was self-imposed I was going to fail it.

I didn't.

Outside of taking breaks to walk the dog (it reached 42 here in Chicagoland and for this time of the year that's practically tropical) and guzzling down over half of a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper and trying to drink water in there too, I did it. I sat down, wrote my ass off, and a little over 16,000 words of the most pinnacle parts of the story as it all comes together and concludes I did it. I am exhausted and I honestly didn't even recall most of the final chapter so I went back and read it this morning and not to toot my horn but damn I'm a good writer, and I am just so relieved and happy it is done.

I am done too. My writing journey comes to an end with this story (I'll still for sure be posting on Patreon for the rest of 2024 though with my insane backlog and of course Bottled Ocean and some works on AO3 too) and I'm hanging up my keyboard. It has been a long seven years full of the good and the bad, the bright spots and the dark, but I can look back at this chapter of my life and see that I wrote over 3.2 million words worth of stories to share and I feel...

I feel content. And relieved and honestly my wrists are aching from pressing against my laptop all night, but I am happy. Thank you to all who came on this writing journey with me, who have been with me since As Color Fades Away posted in 2017 or stumbled across my works this year. It has been a life-changing seven years of writing.

I'll still be around here posting updates and hopefully, maybe, trying to get a few of y'all to bite at Bottled Ocean and join me in reading my final fanfiction, but this author is finally, finally finished and it is the start of a new adventure.

Thanks everyone ♥

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @thetruearchmagos

Who You Are:

Arch || He/him

I'm a Singaporean student, writing in his spare time as a coping mechanism against the World. Worldbuilder at heart, with Writing, then Art, coming along to help me express all that

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Action, fantasy, poetry, and sci-fi. Middle grade.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Techno-Thriller. I can read fantasy well enough, and Sci Fi has that aesthetic appeal to me, but the themes, subjects, and tropes have been fascinating to me for a good while. Really, the right answer would be "anything set in My World"

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Romance? I like sappy love, but creating an entire work with the immediate expectation of love, and with that love as its sole goal, turns me off. Might be a misunderstanding of the genre, but that's about it for me

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

I have no idea! Techno Thriller is a thing from a good whole ago, like Tom Clancy stuff, so I doubt there's much of a following to begin with. I'd say people my age, more or less, but that's pretty wishful thinking

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Well, call it the conventions of the Genre, but military themes with a heightened focus on the technical aspects will come up a fair bit, as will some possible but hopefully not clichés of Military fiction. Personal bravery, the all encompassing totality of War that sweeps away the personal sacrifice under its scale, brutality and violence of conflict, and the toll it takes on ethose it touches. Again, blame Tom Clancy, specifically Red Storm Rising, Red October, and Cardinal of the Kremlin. I just really like reading the uber detailed, panoramic descriptions of the action as much as the fighting, and I'd love to say I can make something of that calibre

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Chosen Ones. Holy cow, I hate it. I can't really put it into words easily, but in my writing I try to make it clear that everyone is both equally important, and equally not so. I feel like the trope is an unhealthy one at best, and actively puts down people's worth due to their simple and immutable characteristics at worst, whole offering a simple and sweet answer to a complex and cruel reality. Also, it's just so thoroughly stupid

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

A lot of things at once, really. I consider my Project at heart to be the Setting, "The 12 Worlds", which has been my baby for two years or so by now. I write the stories for that World, not create the World just for the stories

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

To express, to test, to vent. I like getting A1s for English, after all! But seriously, these days I do it for the sense of getting something done, and the joy of seeing other people's opinions on it. That last one, though…

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

As far as "my" writing goes, a little over a year, or more? Hard to say, I guess I always took pride in my writing skills in school, and reading so much as a kid I was allured by the notion of creating the written word.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

Reading, and looking at my Genre, real world events from now and the past. Certainly, yes! Specifically, a lot of things in the "recent" time frame of what I call the "Great Wars" are inspired by the various tropes of a Cold War Gone Hot scenario, and the older stuff gets inspired by real world histories

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

The 12 Worlds, always! Though if you mean a specific written piece, hard to pick a favourite child. A current big one, the Chapter length Bristling Skies, might take the cake. It's I soured by my favourite chapter of RSR, Dance of the Vampires, and it's where I've really let loose with my techno thriller edge

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

Nope, but I do want to!

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Dknt know much about it, so can't say. I guess editing, sibce of I write something I usually do et ediy it before release, and I hate to lose my Work

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Worldbuilding! Editing stuff

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

Nit really? I like quiet, I guess, but i write eher u can

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

Hard to define when I entered, I think. I guess I just thought the games seemed fun, then I discovered tagging people in my writing, and now we're here

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@lividdreamz! My first friend on this hellsite, and someone I shall forever be indebted to for lending a listening ear to my stuff! @athenswrites, @muddshadow, @moonscribbler, @dogmomwrites, and @marinesocks also get a shout out from me!

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Getting writing feedback and responses, I think.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

I'm not usually one for this sort of thing. I guess getting a greater variety of tag and Ask games might be interesting?

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I just post my stuff, and do some games occasionally. I guess I could be, but I doubt I have the nergy for much more

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Other people's writing, though that's dependent on whether I find it my thing

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Text writing, occasionally Art and straight up Worldbuilding stuff

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Discord and World Anvil! Plus, I'm considering starting a Blog related to one of my projects

[clawsandpaws-creativearchive]

Quiet footsteps entered the cave. Smokey wasn’t sure if Don was here or not. He wasn’t at the cabin, and Smokey knew Don avoided the busier areas of the camp, so hopefully… hopefully he was here. And if he wasn’t, then that was okay too. Smokey would just leave his gift where Don could see it.

He’d made sure it was big. Don sized! It was actually a little awkward to carry and he was definitely having trouble watching his step around it. It was totally worth it though. If this was the last chance he got to give Don something, he wanted it to be good.

It was one of his best works, in his opinion. He’d glued down a large sheet of paper to a thin metal slab to give it some support. Hot glued down around the edges were seashells and dry bowtie pasta, acting together as a frame. He’d used glittery hot glue too, and drawn some little little smileys and swirls and hearts between the shells and pasta pieces before busting the shapes with some of the purple sand from the beach. The part Smokey was most proud of though was in the middle.

It was artwork depicting their nail painting party. Front and center was Don, exactly how Smokey saw him. He’d used acrylic paint to lay down the basic shapes, then gone in with sharpie and art pens to add the details. It was all warm tones, because that’s how Smokey thought of Don - warm. He was curious and inquisitive and patient and gentle and friendly and Smokey did his best to convey that through the color palette and soft lines.

Across from Don was a significantly smaller Smokey. He’d used paint for his shell and body, before going in with pens and markers to add details and texture. His mask was made of construction paper - and he’d been able to control his fire this time so it was purposefully singed and charred in the way he wanted it! And - he thought he was genius for this part - he’d used the nail polish from that day to paint the nail polish bottle on the ground by them, before going back in and adding some to Don’s claws, to make it look like they were in the middle of painting.

In the background, there were “decorative” scorch marks, courtesy of Sparky. They’d been the fire spirit’s idea. The spirit had fronted and carefully scorched the paper where their cabin would be in the background, before letting Smokey back to the front so he could use a thin tipped sharpie and draw in the cabin’s line art.

It was one of Smokey’s favorite memories from camp. The photoshoot had been a close second, making the box turtle smile whenever he remembered Don initiating a tickle fight. But this one, painting nails - it’d been really nice. He remembered holding Don’s massive hands as he painted and feeling deeply content and happy. Don’t get him wrong, camp had been fun, but it’d also been hard, being away from home and surrounded by people Smokey didn’t know. Painting his friend’s - his brother’s - claws was the first time Smokey felt comfortable at camp.

He’d signed his name on the back with a paint pen. Sparky had left a scorch mark as their signature. (Honestly, the turtle didn’t know how the spirit had avoided melting the metal.) He didn’t leave a message this time. Just a title for the piece. My Favorite Memory.

Smokey really hoped Don liked it.

He left it carefully propped up against the cave wall. Don was out. That was okay. He was…he was probably saying goodbye to people. Smokey would just have to catch him another time before the end of camp to give the giant turtle a goodbye hug.

Sparky sent a wave of comfort through the bond. The spirit was old enough to have experienced their fair share of goodbyes. This was Smokey’s first. The spirit knew it was hard.

With a shaky breath, Smokey quickly exited the cave and went back to his cabin to pack.

If I didn't have soup brain hopped up on dayquil rn I'd have a proper little reply typed for this, so i'm sorry I can't manage a better reply! Just know Don came back to find the gift and curled up with it immediately, he might have knocked off a few of the macaronis with his aggressive nuzzling. He's going to run to give his baby brother a big ole' tackle hug right now! ~ Cadoo 🐾 @tmnt-fandom-family-reunion (Cabin 15)

[literaticat]

I'm an illustrator working on my portfolio and I plan to query agents in a few months, which is so exciting!! I've also experimented with writing and I have a couple PB manuscripts (that got decent feedback when I was doing 12x12), but I'm not as confident in my writing as I am in my illustrations. Would you pass on an illustrator you liked because they also submitted manuscripts you didn't like? Or would you say, hey, I'll represent you as an illustrator but, girl, your writing is trash! Lol.

This is normal, just so you know. Great illustrators, who have spent however long going to art school, sketching, practicing, honing their craft, etc? Most of them are not ALSO just naturally amazing picture book writers. That takes a lot of skill and practice, too!

(Picture books are, in fact, QUITE HARD to write! I would say that there are many great writers in other categories who would be hard-pressed to write a great picture book! This is not a skill most people have!)

Point being: Agents are aware that many illustrators are still building up the writing piece and are quite used to working with illustrators editorially. If we love your artwork, it's worth it to spend that extra time helping you get your writing there, too -- and while we're doing that, we can hopefully sell illustration projects for you!

SO, I think if your main goal is to be an author-illustrator, you should query agents who do BOTH illustrator-only and author-illustrator clients (like lots of agents at my agency do for example!). So not artists reps -- literary agents who do a lot of illustration projects.

(I say this because artist's reps/illustration agencies often REALLY focus on the illustrations, which is great, and maybe would help you get non-book opportunities as well -- but they often have less focus on the WRITING piece and less deep connections in book world on the editorial side. Also they charge a higher commission!)

So you've chosen your literary agents, and now you have two options -- either of which would be fine, you just decide!

a) You lead with the illustration -- just query as though you are an illustrator-only client. And SAY in your letter something like "I'm querying as an illustrator today; I'd love to illustrate [examples: quirky picture books, young graphic novels, chapter book spot art, book jackets -- whatever your things are!] -- but my ultimate hopeful goal down the line is to also create my own author-illustrator projects. I've been working on a couple of manuscripts of my own, which I'd be happy to share if you're interested, though they are definitely still works in progress". That way they know that you know that the text part is not your main thing, you aren't expecting them to DO anything about those mss right this second, it's just IF they want to see it. (Which they probably WILL -- but they wouldn't be judging you based on those, they would really just be considering you as an illustrator) OR...

b) If you have a good sketch dummy of one of the picture books -- you have worked hard on it, you are proud of it, it's gotten good feedback -- (and I don't mean loosey-goosey illegible sketches, OR finished art -- I mean tight sketches with maybe one or two pages of full color) -- go ahead and query that dummy. Just be VERY CLEAR in your query letter that you consider yourself illustrator-first -- be sure to also include all the info as though you were querying as an illustrator -- links to your beautiful online portfolio, website, etc -- and SAY in the query something like, "I began in illustration, so the writing piece is still fairly new to me; While my ultimate goal is to be an author-illustrator, I'm also very much open to illustrating other people's texts, and I'm happy to start with illustration-only as I hone my writing skills" That way they know that the dummy is sort of a "FOR EXAMPLE" of the KIND of work you do, that you are open to doing other stuff while you work on the writing piece, etc.

Either way, again, is fine. just make sure you are leaning heavily on the ILLUSTRATION!!! part, and be open/flexible/not-uptight about the writing part, and they will totally understand. GOOD LUCK! <3

[voidscarredadjudicator]

Hey guys. Sorry for being quiet for a month. Hopping on here to let y'all know that I do still have a pulse. Things have been... fine? I guess? Here's a bit of a wordy update on my situation right now, but the tl;dr is, I'm good, HE is still on hiatus, but I'll get back into the groove soon hopefully. Also happy holidays!

The mysterious and vague 'personal life stuff' is still ongoing, and I really don't know how long it'll be something that I have to deal with. I'm continuing to not elaborate because it is very much a personal life thing, but I can assure you that nobody's dying or anything grim like that.

On an only somewhat related note, my expendable income has shrank dramatically in the past few months, so I've been having to get a lot more stingy with what I spend money on. I'm not poverty stricken; I can still afford rent and bills and groceries and whatnot, I just gotta cut corners where I can so I can actually build up my savings.

What does this mean for Humanity's Endling? Well, it's... still on hiatus, technically. But really it just means I'm picking up more shifts than I'd usually care to, which means less time to actually work on it. If work were being done on it to begin with. I'm also cutting out my NSO subscription, which unfortunately means I will not be playing Splatoon 3 much at all anymore. Granted, I was kinda taking a break from it already, so it's not like I've been getting my money's worth of the subscription anyways. So if you were curious about my absence during this most recent Big Run, or the lack of a lengthy season observation/headcanon post like last time, that is why.

All of that said, it's not like I haven't been writing at all - just been hard focusing what creative juices I'm still able to generate given my situation on the accursed TTRPG I've mentioned in prior rambles, as that's an actively running thing that I kinda need to constantly pump stuff out for.

Speaking of which, I pulled a Super Mario Galaxy and wrote a whole ass children's book for the players to find as a lore thing. It was written with the intention of just being a normal children's book in a bubble, but when viewed with the context of the entire campaign thus far, takes on a completely different meaning. Which is to say, you don't need to know a damn thing about the campaign to appreciate the story - a theory I tested by having two people who aren't players read it.

One almost cried. The other actually cried. And when the players found it in our most recent session, one of them also cried, and we had to take a breather after the fact.

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I feel like that's one hell of an achievement. So I am pretty proud of myself for that. If you guys are interested, I might clean it up a bit and post it either on Ao3 as an original work or just straight onto this tumblr. It's only about 2k words, so it should fit nicely in a single post.

That's all I can really think of to say at the moment. Again, even though I might seem a bit quiet, I am still here. I take a peek at tumblr at least once a day to see if anyone's sent any asks or anything like that, so don't be afraid to toss something into my inbox if you have a question.

Oh, and for the anon who sent an ask suggesting me to upload what I have of Act II done already - I don't exactly plan my stories in a linear fashion, nor do I write them as such either. It's closer to me thinking of the major moments I wanna do, plotting out how to connect them, refining, refining, refining, rearranging, refining, scrap half of what I have done, rearranging, suddenly having an epiphany, scrapping another chunk... yeah, it's a bit chaotic. I see what you're trying to say though, and I do appreciate the suggestion, but it can't really be done with the way I go about writing.

That's it from me. Happy Holidays. Play Cyberpunk 2077. It's a good game, I swear. Or Undertale Yellow if you own a toaster. It's me, I own a toaster. I played Cyberpunk on my brother's computer. Thanks, bro. Love you.

[fyonahmacnally]

20 Questions Game

I’ve been tagged by @sssammich and it’s hard to say no to sssammich. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am procrastinating on something. Not at all.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 14

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

348,153 (most of those are one fic – 234,645)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At present, just Supercorp, but I do have an unfinished Wynonna Earp fic in the mix.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Home (part of a series)

2) Conversations (continuation of series above)

3) Carterhaugh-Wood Academy (CWA – Fae AU)

4) I Wish it Was Me

5) Kiss Me in the Rain

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I try to respond to all comments because anyone that takes the time to read my work and let me know they did is worth my time. I value and appreciate the comments.  

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

HA. Well, I don’t write a lot of angsty stuff. I am working on venturing into some angst since I tend to lean more into fluffy stories with a few twists. Hopefully I will be branching out into some angst with happy ending type stories. We shall see.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tough to say…LOL. So far, all of mine have happy endings. I have one that is open-ended because I am planning a sequel, but yeah…pick one. :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far, not really. I did get a mildly rude comment once, but overall, everyone has been kind.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. I’m not sure how I would classify it? It’s not strictly vanilla, but not too adventurous either. At least not yet? It’s a work in progress. I’m still finding my footing in that arena. ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not exactly? My fae AU has Diana Prince and Felicity Smoak as secondary characters, but I think that’s the only one that I’ve brought in from outside the show. I’m not opposed to writing them, it just hasn’t been part of any ideas yet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hmmm, not that I am aware of…

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I am aware of…though I would be flattered and honored if asked.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

One that has been published already – no. I am co-writing one with some friends right now though (@lovesastateofmind1 & @chaotic-super - I'm looking at you).

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Supercorp, hands down. There hasn’t been another ship that has grabbed me by the neck like they have.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

HA – Easy. My Wynonna Earp fic. Unfortunately, I lost the momentum/interest in it and have no plans to get back to it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ummm, descriptive writing, creating imagery? Not sure.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting too far into the minutiae of things, being impatient with story development.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven’t done a lot of it. I used a version of combined Irish & Scottish Gaelic in CWA – Fae AU and haven’t used it much since. It was fun to do though and I will likely use it in another WIP I have brewing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Wynonna Earp. I was very late to the world of fanfiction and fandoms, but really enjoy it.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

That is a very difficult one to answer. I say it would be a close race between the Home Series and CWA. I think I am most proud of CWA.

No pressure to anyone I tag to answer. Love and light, y’all!

@trashpandato @spaceman-earthgirl @someoneyouloved93 @whatawks

[paintedbutton]

2023

As 2023 is steadily ticking ever closer to being over, I'm sitting here and thinking about the past year. I think I've finally realized that - despite feeling horrible at times - it was kind of a good year for me, both in terms of writing and personal stuff. And it goes beyond the "Hey, you wrote a book!" thing.

Writing

That's a big one for me. 2023 marks the first year in a long while that I've shared my writing with people. Joining writeblr felt like a very good decision, even though I'm so far not as active a I want to be.

I wrote a whole entire book's worth of words in 2023, and I'm very proud of it. "Worthy of a King" was truly a project of my heart (still is, obviously) and a major turning point creatively. Writing hasn't felt this easy in years. Between the completed draft 1 and the almost 40k of draft 2 I have already written, I have written somewhere around 120k words in 2023, not counting supplementary and backstory material. That would have felt insurmountable just a year ago. I am so, so proud of that!

I'm looking forward to 2024. I want to share "Worthy of a King" with you all. I want you to be able to read it and get to know my boys and hopefully fall in love with them as much as I have. That's the main goal for me next year. Beyond that, I also want to share more of my WIP stuff with you beyond snippets in tag games. Maybe introduce the world, the characters to you, etc. I'm not quite sure how yet, but I'm looking forward to trying.

Beyond that, I'm not sure what my next writing project will be beyond WoaK. I thought I was sure, but if I am being honest, the iron grip Project Runaways has on my soul is likely never to ease until I just sit down and figure the damn thing out. We'll see.

Personal

Feel free to skip this part if you're not interested. I've stopped sharing a lot of my life online a while ago. I think that's a good thing, but sometimes I question whether that's just me building up walls around myself.

2023 was a year where bad things happened. My dad had a really bad accident in spring, and it's the kind were you just occasionally have to sit and breathe and thank all the lucky stars because he could have died. He could have been permanently disabled. Instead, he goes to concerts and festivals with me. He jumps into mosh pits. He stopped smoking. I am so eternally grateful for all of those things. His injury put a damper on a lot of things - mainly house renovation stuff. One day, I will finally be able to live in the house that is already home to me, but until then, waiting has been hard. Very hard. But it's okay. I'm lucky. We're lucky. I have to keep reminding myself.

Work has been a constant source of stress for me, which sents me down mental spirals I really don't like. Part of it is external factors, but I can admit it's also that I don't know how not to care. How not to involve myself in everything. That's something I've started working on, and want to continue working on in 2024, because this is actually actively detrimental to my mental health and I want it to stop.

But when 2023 was good, it was SO good! All the concerts I went to! The medieval markets, the festivals, the just fun outings. It was such a good year! I went to Norway for the first time! I want to do more of all that in 2024. It makes me feel like myself, I think that's important.

I'm gonna spend New Year's quiet at home, the way I enjoy it most. I don't really like New Years Eve, but I do enjoy spending time by myself. I think I'm gonna finish preparing my photo album of the year. I think I'm gonna dedicate January first to writing. In the spirit of the year I want to have. Let's hope it's a good one.

[pbandjesse]

I did not feel good today. I felt exhausted and winded and bad. It was not a good time. I tried really hard but I could not get it together until very late in the day.

I didn't sleep amazing which was part of it. The air hurts my throat, it was to dry in here. I slept late and didn't feel good at all when I got up. I would go out water on my face and just get back in bed because I felt so bad.

Eventually I did get up. But it was not a very good morning. I was weak and dizzy. Like low blood sugar shaky. So once I was dressed, even though it was 1030 am, I had my leftover pasta for breakfast, hoping it would give me some energy. It had at least helps the shaky feelings.

I did do some half hearted cleaning. I put a few more things away in my storage trunk for moving. I put some more stuff in the get rid of boxes. I wanted to do more but I felt bad and overwhelmed.

I would go back and forth from laying down to trying to do anything. I vacuumed. I added water to the tanks. I still felt bad.

Go try to perk myself up, and warm up, I would decide to have some soup. But when my bowl broke in the microwave I was very close to tears. I went back to sleep.

I would sleep until almost 4. And when I woke up I still didn't feel good but I didn't feel as horrible.

I would wait for James to get home. And I was really happy to see them when they got back. They were exhausted from a half price day at the museum. So many people came in and I'm sure it was a lot. But they were still ready and willing to help me do some organizing.

They pulled everything out of the bathroom closet and we consolidated and got rid of and folded our extra towels into a storage box. I was proud of us.

In our moving things around I would also go through all the deodorants I have and figure out what ones were worth keeping. I would get rid of about half. I also just got rid of a lot of packaging and trash I had in our first aid drawers. I was making good progress.

James would go get on a call to play DND with their friends and I started working on organizing my shelves in the studio.

When all of a sudden I heard shouting. Not terribly out of the ordinary but then it kept going. And I couldn't figure out exactly where I could see what was happening but then I saw it from the living room.

At first I thought it was just teens fighting but then I realized it was someone getting robbed. I went to open the window to yell and as I did the cars, two black SUVs drove away. It was the neighbors across the street. I asked if they wanted me to call for help and they said yes of course. I said I would. The younger of the two was upset and said something about wishing I was faster and that I should have called when it was happening but this literally was maybe two minutes. I am sure he felt like it lasted forever. I am giving him grace but I yelled back I'm trying to help! And went to call.

Thankfully I did not get put on hold, which has happened before. I was mad at myself for not getting the license plates. I tried but I couldn't see it clearly. And I tried to relay as much as I had seen I think there were 5 people but it also might have been 4. The two beating up my neighbors on the ground were wearing hooded sweatshirts. One was just standing by the SUV that was in the alley, while someone else was standing near the suv blocking my neighbor's.

I tried to tell them everything I saw so hopefully it will help.

I was very shaken up. Seeing that was very upsetting. I could see what apartment the neighbors went in so when the police called me back I was able to describe where they went so he could go check on them. And when the ambulance was looking for them I was able to direct them as well.

I just focused my upset and nervous energy on sorting in the studio. For about a half hour I did that. But the police called me back and asked if he could come up and talk.

The officer was very nice. While I politically don't trust the cops as an organization, a single person tends to be kind. He said I was very fast and the people who were assaulted hadn't even called by the time he knocked on their door. He said everything I shared and saw was helpful and I did a good job. He also said they might call me back tomorrow to get more info but I don't know what else I can help with. I don't even think I would recognize the people if I wanted to. My eyes just weren't focused enough. I tried but my vision is just not amazing at night and at a distance. If I can help I will. My neighbors were taken by ambulance and I really hope they are okay.

I would go back to organizing. I spent the next hour or so sorting my yarns and the shelves and I think I did a pretty good job focusing the energy. There is much to do. But I think I have done a good job starting and when we start to move things it will hopefully go pretty smoothly.

Now I would like to go take a shower. And hopefully tomorrow I will feel good. I hope you are all safe at home. Take care of eachother. Goodnight.

[kitkatt0430]

For the ao3 asks: 3, 12, 29?

3.) What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

This is a hard pick because there are several in there that I'm particularly proud of.

I think collectively I'm most proud of The Man in the Lightning series. It's definitely a crack fic idea to me still - but it was a fun challenge to make a version of Eobard who is distinctly likable despite having murdered Nora as well as crafting a version of Barry who is understandably grateful Nora is dead. I wanted them to still be recognizable as variations of their canon selves, but very different takes on the characters too. And, of course, for the romantic ship to make sense without being manipulative on either end. Barry's up front about wanting to convince Eobard what they're building is worth staying in the past for and Eobard is too bewildered by Barry's clear interest in him to do any real manipulating on that front before Barry's Sherlock Scan Skills tell him that Eobard and the Reverse Flash kiss the same, ergo they are the same.

It's a series that I look forward to returning to, but I'm really satisfied with what's already there.

12.) How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Oh gosh. A lot. Um... let me check. And this is not gonna be an exact number because I know I have them scattered all over the place.

We'll say about 55 WiP files I have an active interest in and I'm gonna stop counting now because I have a lot that are from many years ago for fandoms I'm not currently interested in writing for but who knows what'd happen if I rewatched/reread/replayed the source material.

There's definitely a lot of things I wanted to write this year that I didn't get around to because between the reno in the spring and the summer of the wasps, I was pretty burnt out a lot of the time. So there's a lot I started but never finished and hopefully I'll be able to finish those in 2024 despite having more reno plans. (Much smaller scale reno plans, thankfully, I can't take another round of the closet debacle.)

29.) Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

It was a very complicated question. Possibly more than either of them could really articulate. Barry had to take a moment to really put thought into how he phrased things. “The future is yet unwritten. Just because we see a possible future doesn’t mean it’s written in stone; our choices determine what really happens. But the past makes us who we are. To unwrite that would be to destroy our selves,” Barry said. “Jay was always insistent that I live my life for myself. He’d have been disappointed if I let myself get so caught up in living in the past that I stopped having a future altogether. Especially if I did it over him.”

Barry Allen (E-90) talking to Barry Allen (E-1) from Homeward

It was a difficult conversation to write, but I really like how it all fell out. And though neither Barry knows it, this conversation is what stops E-1 Barry from causing Flashpoint. I really enjoyed writing the whole fic (thanks @avatarskywalker78 for requesting it) and coming up with headcanons for the Allen twins of E-90.

[captainaikus]

BELLE LOVE YOURE BACK!!!!!!!!! I've missed you so much 😭😭😭!!!! I'm so sorry to hear that you're sick though 😖😖. That seriously sucks, but I hope you feel better soon!!! Also I have a confession to make. I know I said I was working on blue lock drabbles. But like. The TR season 2 opening just dropped. I am not the same woman I was 1 hour ago. Episode 13 of bllk will probably kick-start my inspiration for the writing again (hopefully) but I'm hitting a block atm and all I can think abt is TR right now 💀💀. I have actually been so productive this winter break that it's insane. Cleaning, cooking, organizing, writing, etc. It's hard to believe I was the same person as last year tbh. I'm a hoarder and a sentimental sap so I never throw anything away 💀🥲. BUT I got rid of so much unnecessary stuff yesterday and I'm actually kind of proud of myself. I've been meaning to go to the gym again, but finding the motivation is hard, especially in the early morning when I'm drowsy and tired. I know it's not an excuse and I plan on going to bed early tomorrow so I can wake up without feeling tired 😤😤. Wish me luck 🥹🤞🏼!!! Also also. I have currently been listening to the new opening on loop since I heard it came out don't judge me and I'm pretty sure I have the entire visuals and lyrics matched up inside my head atp where I can hear it and know which character is on screen 💀💀💀. It's the same with the season 1 episodes again no judging. Yes I'm normal abt this 😌😌. Anyways ✨. Idk if you've seen my posts, but I have been freaking out abt the new opening since this morning adjkhgggkjggfdhjhg. I am so excited about next week. You are gonna be sick of me once the first episode drops I'm calling it now 😭😭💀. Anyways onto the actual important stuff. How was your vacation and holiday?? Good I hope?? How's the move to a03 coming along?? Again, I hope you feel better soon (Oliver sends his love from Italy ❤️❤️❤️)!!! Make sure not to overwork yourself and take care of yourself and rest okay love?? I really have missed you tho 🥹❤️. *sending all the virtual hugs and blankets and warm soup to you*

- ✨ anon

YES! I have returned !! I missed you too T.T , ahh its good to be back. ps. not only have i managed to fall sick... I uh... I twisted my ankle last night when I was celebrating new years. There was so much that happened last night, the dancing, hanging out with my roommates and last but not least. there were a lot of pretty boys at the club; but honestly, they were strutting around the place like some proud peacock and were intimidated by my height (yeah i was the tallest one last night with my three inched heels) and my calves are killing me rn; but totally worth it ✨ I SAW THE NEW TR OPENING! Pretty sure the fans are gonna crash the website; i wouldn't be surprised honestly- I am so looking forward to the new eps !! I read the latest chapter of bllk and... *sobbing cause no Oliver* Anyway, getting back to Tr; I am excited for the new season !! And i wanna see more of bonten and the shiba brothers arc, now i'm thinking if they're gonna introduce Nahoya and the whole baby of the family thing (cause the way i cooed when I was reading the manga) Girl. I saw you posted about Chainsawman !! And during vacay, we were passing by a bookstore... I uh... I ended up buying vol 4 with Aki as the cover. (i love it sm and i'm gonna treasure it even if I haven't reached that part yet) - the look i got cause the amount of profanities in there on opening one of the pages 😭 Vacay was fun, spent some time in the countryside and got a hold of new experiences that inspired me to re-write ruined rome (a project that i had started for Rin earlier on my blog) there was a cute guy on the bus who was watching rising shield hero i think? and i was busy watching one punch man cause i didn't get time to finish it, *sad cause i shoulda asked for his @ but i was really shy to talk to him and kinda disoriented cause of no sleep*

As for the move to ao3; I released the new chapter of Ocean hues and I'm working on a spotify playlist that you guys can play it when you read the series; hopefully you guys will enjoy it <3 speaking a bit and giving spoilers for the series; i included some of my dreams with Oliver (yes i am a simp and idc) And i have my oneshots saved in my draft, that will be getting posted as well... ao3 is getting fun for me cause i figured a way on using dividers and pictures. Not to mention even if ao3 does seem complicated its actually pretty easy to get by and i'm getting obsessed with alice in borderland- THE NEW SEASON IS FINALLY OUT! so i'm gonna be completing that and stone ocean's new eps (yes me likes JJBA. *likes jonathan, joseph and Jotaro*) And no bb ♡ i like seeing your rants on my dash and also. I. squealed at your Oliver drabble. Like i was walking around, stood for coffee before my flight at some 1 o clock in the morning and i saw this. And my gah- the way i was staring into my phone, I had a jolly good christmas and an early new year 😭 *busy working on a list of yandere wips and thinking the title to give my work*

*sending back hugs and wuv along with Bachira*

[strxnged]

I think definitely the world would be a better place if we got married what do you say

OKAY FIRST OF ALL I LOVE YOU LOTS I think that was hopefully already clear BUT. you are so deserving of love and you're literally a ray of the prettiest most reflectiviest most beautiful ethereal light ever okay like u GLEAM AND GLOW AND LET YOUR POWER SHINE ALL AT ONCE!! DANG!! THAT'S PRETTY COOL LOVE

you also. do not have to be so hard on yourself. there are so many places to be at so many times so SLOW DOWN PLS you're doing the best u can and I!! am so proud of you for doing so!! life is hella rough but you're powering through it like a champ SO PLEASE TAKE TIME TO APPRECIATE YOURSELF BC HOLY SMOKES you've dealt with so much alone and now I am very glad you have people to help you!!! AND DEFINITELY KEEP ASKING FOR HELP THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN DOING THAT BECAause yOU DESERVE TO BE SUPPORTED,🫶🫶🫶🕺🕺🕺

(warning talks of religion ahead 👍) and okay my life has been SO CRAZY BUT WE'RE GETTIN THRU IT??? UHHH WOWOWOW I joined praise team again after avoiding church for like six months 😭😭🫶🫶 and IT IS. DEFINITELY SO HELPFUL because even though I'm still working on it there is something so easing about knowing God's got your back do u feel me?? IM STILL WORKING A LOT ON FINDING MYSELF AFTER THE IDENTITY CRISIS OF 2021-2022 BUT IM still trying out different things and I've learned that is so totally okay !!

AAEJDRJH how about you dude?? I am still praying for you lots and I care about you sm so if you 💥 EVER need anything let me know okay I love you so much

ANYWAYS MY DUDE MAKE SURE TO DRINK A TON OF WATER AND EAT GOOD FOOD AND GET REST (emphasis on get rest sleep before 1 am bro (affectionate)) you're doing so so SO AMAZING fighting through all of your struggles and I hope you keep on fighting YOU'RE DOING SO GREAT BC LOOK AT U GO!! UR STILL ALIVE!! YELL HEAH!! 🫶🫶🕺🕺🕺🕺

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OKAY PLEASE GET REST AND REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT YOU ARE SO LOVED MWAHHHDHXA

lenn my darling... look, you've written five paragraphs worrying for me and one vaguely concerned with yourself.... DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE, OKAY?? i love to see you sharing the love you have but i hope it's coming from a place of knowing how loved you ARE. so ??? i appreciate you a ton man

the identity crises... yeees, yesssss, we been there. of course it will never quite end, but that's really what teenage years are all about. like, scientifically. we are figurin it out in adolescence.

however, even on days when you don't know who you are, on days where you can't seem to get yourself to fit into anything you thought you should be able to? your #1 identity, beyond anything else, is someone who is loved. ISNT THAT WILD. THATS WHO YOU ARE. THAT IS WHO YOU WERE MADE TO BE. YOU WERE HASHTAG MADE TO BE LOVED. and so APPRECIATE YOURSELF TOO?? OKAY?? and take lots of deep breaths and smile and gosh i know you're working yourself really hard right now!! school be like that!! but your best is enough ofc and dont ever forget that.

[bubbledabelle]

Thanks for visiting my blog! Here's a little bit about me:

Good morning, night or afternoon - whatever time it is for you - my name's Bubble. Bubble daBelle 🫧

I'm an artist and animator working to get my pieces out there and recognised, like most. I'd like to do my art full-time and that's a goal I'm consistently working towards ✊

What do I do??

Digital art (original and fan-art)

Traditional art (original and fan-art)

Animation (mainly 2D but I dabble in 3D)

Write stories: world-building and characters

Character design

Logo design

Learn programs to apply my skills to

Cross-stitching (currently only premade patterns but I'd like to try expanding into making my own 👀)

Do my best to exist in this world as peacefully as I can 🙃

🌈 I am a LGBTQIA+ Ally! I sincerely hope you consider this a safe space.

Although I don't personally like to go into sexual stuff too often, I still believe anyone can love anyone 💙💜

Stay away from minors in that regard, though.

🧠 Also a supporter of neurodiversity, with first-hand experience.

All brains work differently and I don't judge people based on how "well" they survive or cope on this planet. I personally work very differently to a typical person and it's usually a struggle. I ask for your patience with me! I'm doing my best, and that's all I can do 🦁

Okay, time to face my past 😩

^ that title is 100% clickbait lol but I still wanna share:

Over the years I've had multiple identity crisis when it comes to my "brand" as an artist and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm a chronic restarter ✋

I've stupidly lost sleep about how I want to portray myself online. Being neurodivergent doesn't assist this and probably plays into most of the reasoning: it's personally been hard to commit to *one* sona/portrayal over the years because, due to growing up, maturing or changing my mind, things not feeling as new/exciting, gaining another special interest etc. I've felt like I've become detached to what I had previously worked so hard to put myself out there as.

This leads to me essentially deleting my progress, effectively restarting my journey as if starting a new save file in a videogame. I gotta do ALL the quests again; it's tiring and I've only got myself to blame 🤦‍♀️

Speaking of, you may recognise these aliases:

Fawny Owl (Tumblr, DeviantArt, Instagram)

DaAnim8or2000 (YouTube) - now deleted

@flosflowin-blog

Well... they're also me lol.

⭐ DaAnim8or2000 was my first YT and I posted animations up there from 2013. I eventually deleted it because I stupidly let one measly comment get to me (at the time for my baby brain it was warranted because the comment was from someone I really looked up to in the community but of course, it was a stupid decision). I regretted the decision because even though I stopped posting for a while due to life getting in the way, it was still my work that I was proud of at the time.

This now meant I couldn't show improvement, which grinded my gears and gave me a mental block for posting at all, because I also had a thing where I didn't want to post CURRENT work if I hadn't posted PREVIOUS work. Chronological order and all, y'know... But then reposting my old work meant I had to go through the whole thing of "questioning my worth and skill" again - hopefully that makes sense? It's stupid and I DEFINITELY overthink but I'm working on that perfectionism.

⭐ Fawny Owl was my first rebrand; it was inspired by my love for owls and my discovery of Bambi II, then the idea of a character design emerged and I got SUPER into it. After a while I got detached from the sona because I thought up a whole backstory for her, so she no longer felt like "me" 🤣 so I retired her to be an OC (still super excited about the story, though, and I'll probably end up doing a comic or try to make it into a show in the future)!

⭐ The blog was my first Tumblr and I moved because I made a new email to become Fawny Owl, so instead of sticking with everything I'd become, I decided to up and yeet off to a brand new blog (that "new blog" is now abandoned too because I made THIS one to start completely anew... Again lmao). Probably to also try and run away from my past cringey self (a mass majority of that OG blog was me as a minor - I was still a minor when I created Fawny Owl).

- I'll probably keep those blogs up but just have them as unused archives rather than deleting them, as I already made the mistake of deleting my account once. Unless I think of something to do with them, I won't use them and I'll just be using this blog lol.

Am I over explaining everything? Probably. I just wanted to share my dumb journey to provide at least some understanding 😂

Honestly if you've made it this far, kudos for surviving my essay lmao ✌️

For real, though, thanks so much for reading 💕 I really do appreciate it and I hope you join me as I work towards my dream 🤩🥹

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I make any mistakes regarding communities or cultures, please don't feel afraid to correct me! I'm open to criticism and I believe everyone can always be more educated.

🫧 *pop* 🫧

[camillewasthere]

february 18

I made it back to my tumblr. I've been writing sporadically in different journals. But somehow I always find myself back here lol. I'm officially a single gal. Big wowzers. Honestly. I'm proud of myself for going through with it. I want to say that I regret not doing it earlier but I'm trying to be better about not regretting things. We were together almost 7 years but it honestly felt like 4. The pandemic really prolonged things. It's easy to go over all the things that could have been different if I did so and so earlier or took the other direction in the fork but none of that matters because this is now. All I can worry about is now. Not even worry, really. But think. Now is all I have.

My mental space has cleared a lot. But now it's consumed by other issues. I got a pap at my recent appointment with my new pcp and I officially need to get a leep procedure in April lol. Is it weird that i'm not even stressing. As much as it sucks, I'm glad that I caught it this early. Hopefully it's something that just goes away after that but who knows. What's the point in stressing about outcomes I have no control over currently. That's only semi-true. Technically I can boost my immune system to make myself less susceptible. I'll get there eventually. Right now, my head is one big jumble of things I need to do. Different roads I can take and which one sounds best. I'm so so so so torn right now. I love my dogs. I would never be able to just give them up. So I'm stuck. I'm trying to reframe my mindset though. Why do I feel stuck? Is it because I feel held down by them? What is my alternative? Being lonely but with more money. Is that better? It's hard to say. But I know they love me. They rely on me. Just like kids rely on their parents. I'm not fucking evil lol. So I need to be responsible and just figure it out. I know I will but the thought makes me anxious. The only way it would work and I would feel comfortable is if

1) I pick up one extra shift a week

2) I move to the bay area and make almost double what i'm making

3) Move to Hawaii

4) Find someone reliable to help me (aka a family member)

5) Find my dogs a step dad LOL

It's only been about three months since the breakup but it feels like it's been longer to be honest. 2023 literally felt like a year squeezed into a few months. Who the fuck was I even. I'm trying to find the person I used to be, but now with added wisdom lol. I don't feel old at all. But sometimes I see people a few years younger than me and think shit. I'm getting to the point where I'd be dating full ass adults. Like 35+ year olds. Fucking barf lol.

I just want to be youthful forever. This brings back the conversation about kids lol. Fuck kids honestly. I used to be so scared of the time constraint. But deciding in my head that it's okay if I don't have kids is liberating. Why have them. I have family. I have my sister and my brothers. And possibly a future husband/partner idfk.

I've been feeling very apathetic about it all, which is fine. I really enjoy focusing on myself. As uncomfortable as this has all been, it's also been beautiful. I'm learning a lot about myself and what I expect out of my life. I enjoy my own company, truly. We'll see where i'll be in my next update. As much as I love the idea of dating someone new, I also mentally can't imagine it lol. Lori and her boyfriend are trying to set me up with a close friend. Unfortunately for me, i'm the biggest fuckin creeper known to man and I stalked his profile pretty heavily LOL. As embarrassing as that is. Old Camille would act on impulse probably. Do things to force an outcome. New Camille is realizing that I'm worth more than that. I'm not going to be the person who obsesses first anymore. I want someone who wants me the way that I used to want other people. I deserve that for myself. Anything less than is just not worth my time anymore. I'm so tired of wasted time.

xx me

[sinisterbug]

Had a big, BIG sad today. Had to be both stern and extremely understanding with myself. Tried to stay busy but out of the extreme heat we have going on here.

I was downright productive in re-reading and beginning to edit the first chapter of the old fic. Decided to just edit and update it and not focus on sharing/reblogging it until I've completed the overhaul. CHANGED THE NAME. I didn't realize how much the old name was bothering me. Then moved on to bumbling around in Canva. I am gonna GET my accidental-one-year-subscription's money's worth - even if it's in cringey fanfiction graphics.

So here's this piece of my... design work, lol. I struggled so hard with the font. I actually like my graphic thingy circle though, I made it m'self. Super proud. The mantle atop the wreath is actually three acorns, which is just delightful. I don't know how I feel about the fact that it's a photograph instead of art in the background - somehow that looks a little strange to my eye. But I picture this on the cover a $6.95 paperback being sold at the Dollar General and it looks about right.

[Image ID: A digital graphic with a photo of a subterranean space alight with glow worms. In the foreground the text "Dimensions of the Heart" is backed by a forest green circle bordered with a black, regal wreath graphic. Inside of which is an acorn mantle running horizontal to the text. /.End ID]

Now I'm gonna make playlists to help with the different vibes of all the damn things I'm working on, and hopefully by tomorrow I will have time to read some of these really lovely fics I see being reblogged everywhere.

Edit: I looked at the word "Dimensions" for so long it became utterly illegible/unrecognizable.