#>air bc thats how i want it to be perceived. bc of course we all know thats a thing that can be controlled by sheer will right? lol

[dexaroth]

it's kind of a fun move to make my very very personal blog also the one I post my drawings on

ive purposefully done it to not create that kind of environment where it's just an account posting art, a one-dimensional abstract thing that's so detached that if I were to post something like 'teehee I tried to off myself so I'm opening comms to pay the bills' it'd be met with utmost surprise bc it'd break the illusion yknow?

but sometimes I do want some drawings to not have context. to be as impersonal as a vintage figure whose sculptor has never been fully known or a golden locket with the picture of someone who you don't know anything about

I want both, to be honest. it's always been a struggle of the need of external validation but also to not want to taint everything with myself

I want to draw a pet portrait for someone and not have it be judged with all the ramblings and half-jokes about how everything sucks every now and then.

I want to draw a guy being mechanically separated for no reason and not have it show up besides someone's pet portrait and having to explain to the average person I don't even know why I like gore so much besides rendering it is fun

it's all like a cycle of making it clear who is behind the art for context but also sometimes wanting everything to speak for itself and wanting a sort of pure reaction to it

and it culminates into that overly familiar feeling.. of wanting to be consistent. to have a feel, a look that you can maybe hope someone will identify as yours.. and the question is always the same - for what? why? why does it matter?

if anything the first thing I'd ever say to someone who remotely showed interest in art and wanted to know my side of it is that nothing matters and everything is subjective and that there will always be people who see too much meaning where there isn't and people who miss the point entirely. and that diversity is just as good as quality and not a binary switch that you have to pick for the rest of your life. and that often by trying to achieve perfection you just end up dumping what gave your art a personal touch because it wasn't absolutely on par with the version of you that you so desperately want people to identify you with or the vibe you want to give off or whatever else

it's kind of a problem that also has different connotations depending on the way wherever you post works, too

on devart and I think insta too favorites and likes are the easiest way to show a kind of support that happens to streamline everything into images on a page instead of actually taking in most detail, the title or description or lack thereof, maybe even a message or line or music lyric intended to aid in the perception.. that ends up getting completely ignored because it takes extra effort to do. and it gets exponentially worse the more people you follow

then, well.. tumblr. because of the way the posts are organized and at least show captions it has a bit of a leg up, but then the sideblog stuff comes up. posts 95% of the time only give traction to the account that posted it, so a sideblog where you reblog your art is pretty much just a gallery for the convenience of whoever follows them. if you post on that sideblog however, then that facilitates no one visiting your main and just looking at the drawings, leading to the art-artist detachment as it is also plenty of extra steps and effort

then, independently, the path you choose is hard to undo. choose to be unknown and be bound to the façade you have to keep and not break your persona, or put all bits of yourself out to the public and there will forever be an image/ background version of you that will contextualize everything you do

try to turn around and choose to hide and it will put people off and affect how some will look at your new stuff now that you're less of a social butterfly because of the instinct of curiosity and wanting to know what happened , choose to show yourself and now you're too real and people don't want to associate with you because of the things you express or how it hits different knowing x and y or just not caring about you enough to be bothered to keep up with your life with sporadic drawings inbetween

it's all ironically about your own self-image and knowing others who know you

oh and it just hit me the financial side of things too. but that's too much for me rn and it's sort of a bonus to my point anyways

idk man. I feel like I'm having a stroke while an influencer tries to explain branding to me

[missing-my-griffin]

So my bellarke ass is showing but something was weird with the b/e sex scene. Like, they were sort of stiff. Like the kissing was... okay passion wise I suppose. Not pleasant to look at but you tell it was passionate. But like the arms were stiff and weird. Idk, it wasn’t like that as much with b/r sex scene so I’m wondering what��s off. The acting? The lack of chemistry between TT and Bob? I don’t get it. Apologies for even bringing up the cursed image.

I mean I get where you’re coming from, but I didnt rlly perceive it that way! (Thats MY Bellarke ass showing here lol) Maybe Tasya was a little awkward in her movements in some shots but I’d say its the chemistry and acting more than a directorial choice! 

It’s sort of sad seeing all this negativity concerning the Becho scenes in the Bellarke fandom, I actually believe those are blessed images. It’s all really a matter of perspective.

I mean 1) that scene was hot as hell which means they’ll be able to deliver on that part when it’s time for Bellarke:D and 2) what struck me in that scene was how intimate and beautiful it was. You could tell how in love they were, and THEN hard cut. Hard cut to Clarke in tears, all lonely and abandoned. Packing up and making her piece with dying. In her mind she had nothing and noone except for the child she had to protect. 

I firmly believe the Becho sex scene was used to put emphasis on Clarkes heartbreak at seeing Becho. Hell we got her watching them kiss right after looking absolutely devastated. Much like the S6 promo pic is a rly obvious love triangle trope, so was the Becho sex scene. I mean. They even continued rolling the same music: And what was sweet suddenly became bitter. Using that music, they CONTINUED that scene. And actually, scratch that: it wasn’t a hard cut. It was a literal blend. They blended those scenes together. Wow. 

They created a connection between Bellamy with another woman and a lonely and depressed Clarke? So I don’t think it makes sense to make it awkward on purpose! The more warm the more painful. And the more intimate the more epic it will be when Bellamy chooses Clarke. 

Also I simply cannot resist putting these scenes together now. (for those of you out there that don’t want to be seeing this don’t keep reading:D Or do, maybe itll help u dealing with Becho?)

It’s so damn tragic. Come to think of it: why IS Clarke crying? She could have just been rational about it. Pack her things, tell Madi what’s gonna happen, tough Mama bear mode. SHE DIDN’T. Because she couldnt help herself. This was such a painful moment I think I cried when it aired. You could tell how lonely she felt.. I believe this was the initial heartbreak: The moment she realized all that hope she’d put into Bellamys coming back down was a pipe dream. The moment she concluded she wasn’t part of his family anymore.

If that sex scene makes you feel bad, it’s because it’s supposed to!! That was the emotional reaction JR wanted to make his audience feel. Empathy towards poor abandoned Clarke and confusion towards the new couple they gave us no solid reason to root for so far. OF COURSE it felt slightly stiff and weird because.. because the last time we checked in, noone (including Bellamy) was particularly fond of Echo. It feels uneasy somehow bc they don’t share any history: at least none we’ve seen. (apart from finding each other in a cage which is still like.. what kind of.. ? ..ok) The key here is personal attachment. No matter how perfectly hot a sex scene is: if you have no connection to the people and the story, its gonna feel uncomfortable to the viewer. 

Also Bellarke is so epic and Bob and Eliza have an INSANE amount of chemistry. We got the same amount of sexual energy in that Bellarke hug. So in comparison everything else is just sort of bound to pale a little:D

[empresspiscea]

September Numerology | Summarized from @viriyaakarunaa on twitter

falls directly in line with the universal 3 year making this an important time for creation, destruction, and expansion.

Jupiter direct in sidereal scorpio + Pluto retrograde in sidereal sag we have important decisions for what we want to create and what we want to dismantle bc it no longer serves or expansion.

Journal | Ask us …

as the 9 month, what is being created during this harvest phase as prep for 2020, a universal 4 year? | with this being a personal 1 month for me, i feel that this month - this year tbh - is asking me allow for my inner child to take the lead so i can foster a new path for myself. creation + destruction have much to do with my emotions. no necessarily the happier i am the easier/better i can create, but instead whatever i do create is deeply rooted in the emotion i channeled it through at the time. i do not mask the emotions of it. this can be something large like a project, but this pours over into much of the actions i take in life. for the things i say. the mentality i hold. the service i offer to others. i feel as though the intention of the action as it is being acted out is what solidifies the meaning of any creation or destruction in my life. … with all that being said lol, ill have to wait until i get deeper into the month to see how this may be preparing me for the ascension in 2020, but i believe that this harvest phase is allowing for me to pick the fruition of my passions.

what is your understanding of destruction, and how are you making destruction as purposeful as creation? | all must come to an end before it can arise anew. I believed you can create something new from the destruction of the old, but the destruction requires meticulous detachment. it requires getting to the root of oneself and discerning between the fundamentals and when everyone else says should be there.

with Pluto Rx, which inner transformation created a path for expansions via death? what still needs to die so that even more space can be created? | for the past year, the death of innocence has been a major theme. innocence. naivety. authenticity. these are not the usual tools of a force to be reckoned with. in order to take what you want in this world, you have to have wisdom of someone who has already been there. you cant play victim to whats going on around you because your putting yourself in a position that take away your power.

are u still holding onto what is outdated bc you are addicted to the past and still holding onto a version of yourself that can't believe that you are where you are right now? | not that I can't believe where I'm at right now, more so the disappointment of me not being able to have this mentality then. My shadow self is very resentful of the circumstances of my adolescence.

how can you express gratitude for this self-birthing while also honoring the reality that the past no longer has anything for you there bc it's time to expand into the now + the future? | Tending to this trigger. It's something I've been felling a lot over the past few days, but I've been blowing past the feeling by focusing on archiving. Allowing myself to reflect on healthy emotions, but not feeding into the negativity. Much of my self-birthing comes in the space between my trigger and reaction. In that moment, I have the ability to choose myself, for myself.

a cumulation of all the lessons learned from oct 2018 until now. it's a time when everything comes full circle.

with this being a universal 3 month, it is setting the course from the world we have to do in 2020.

Themes for a universal 3 year | September resurfaces the themes of

the children

how u show up + exchange with ur community

how u work with ur nervous system to guide ur reactions

necessary destruction

Sept is a test to show you how far you have, have not mastered, or even worked towards mastery of the previous theme

3 is air. ideas. communication. expansion. authentic.

some preliminary questions:

what ideas are not authentic and how / why have you been fashions an idea out of them if they are indeed false? what are you trying to make yourself by attaching to it? | ...

what have you learned about communication since oct 2018? are you clear with what you say or do you still find yourself encountering a lot of misunderstandings? what/who is the source of this confusion? | I’ve learned you have to tell people what you want, and to DEMAND WHAT YOU DESERVE. Ive learned a lot over the last year, mainly that i know exactly what i want out of life. I can discern whats meant for mean and how i want to receive it. But too often the rest of the world isn't willing to offer you your pay due. Thats how the world works. Everyone tries to skate over everyone else, taking as much as they can for themselves in the process. We have to know thats the world we’re living in in order to claim our greatest desires.

in which ways have you nurture your inner child and ur shadow? what does this growth look like? which test appeared to challenge if this growth was authentic or just perceived? | My inner child and shadow self are very much apart of my being and self-identity. My inner child come from my soul and my shadow self tends to be the motivating factor for much of my pursuits in life. Not coming from a place of fear, but from a place of redemption. I’ve accepted that part of me for who she is. I don’t like to think too much about where she came from because that only restricts me to whats happened in the past, but i choose to only show her the horizons of the future because she doesn't have to be that little girl who’s been rejected her whole life. She can be whoever she wants.

placements highlighted for sept: life path, destiny, personality numbers. "the path, the purpose, and the execution + actions"

The path: 7 (spiritual / teacher)

The purpose: 8 (materialization and manifestation) 

The execution + actions: 5 (ever-changing dynamic)

[ughthatimagineblog]

obviously, reid

  spencer reid x reader

  requested:  Hi hi hi I’m obsessed w all of your fanfics they’re amazing!! Can I request a Spencer Reid x reader where the reader and spencer are best friends, the reader finally admits she likes him, spencer says something along the lines of “let’s not make this weird”, but the reader needs to do whatever to move on bc she obviously misread the situation. Maybe the reader could start going out to bars/hooking up w guys to soothe the pain? Up to you anything is 👍🏼 (just want to say I admire your hard work)

  warnings: mentions of rape (for a case), sleeping around, mentions of drinking

  word count: 1149

  a/n: sorry if there are mistakes i wrote this at 4 am playing catchup with my imagines lmao love yall

 A jab in the side and a giggle. Thats how your day started. “Spencer!” You giggled. Your best friend decided to play around and try and tickle you today and you were not having it.   “Why?” You whined and he grinned. You two had the office alone to work on a case together today and it was nice to be just the two of you. Just yourselves. “Did you know that our armpits, ribs, neck and inner thighs are all considered to be ‘ticklish’ because they’re our most vulnerable zones to attack. Some scientists even speculate that the reason we react with a jerk and laughter is because it’s an evolutionary defense mechanism.” He ranted and you couldn’t help but stare dreamily.

  You had feelings for the doctor ever since you two became friends back in Grad school. You both moved onto the BAU the closest of friends having gone through training together and you had been stationed at the same base.   You had it for him and you had it for him bad, but you could never admit it. You had tried, but that was when you had the case in Los Angeles and you caught Spencer kissing that Hollywood star.    It lowered your hopes for ever being something more, but you were still more content with being his best friend than being an ex. So you left what-could-be to your imagination.   And because of this, there were often times that biting your tongue became hard. Like now. When he went on rants similar to the one he went on about why humans are ticklish in the places they are it made your heart flutter. He was so intelligent and so attractive at the same time.  It made you blush as you began to think what he may think of you. If he ever did think of you. And if he did, what did he think about?   The way you’d feel in his arms at night, curled tightly next to his sleeping body. You thought to yourself but quickly snapped out of it when you realized Spencer had asked you a question. “I’m sorry?” You laughed, rubbing your eyes. “Sorry,” You apologized quickly. “I’m just tired.”    “It’s alright.” He dismissed it. “I was just wondering if you think they unsub is more likely residing in the Hillcrest area or in the apartment complex downtown.” Spencer was staring absentmindedly at the board and you looked at him dreamily before answering simply. “In the Hillcrest area. We are looking for a man who rapes his victims before killing them but also comes off as nice to the public eye and for a person who engages in these types of behaviors they perceive them to be supported by his peer groups and community. In the Hillcrest surrounding area there have been several court cases of women coming out with sexual assault and rape accusations and quite a few of them have lost.” You explained, zoning out into your work mode.   Little did you know, Spencer’s smile was growing. “’Atta girl.” He grinned before jumping up.   You sighed, grabbing your coat and turning out the office lights. “Long day.” Spencer sighed as you both walked out into the chilly air. “But a good one.” You countered and he chuckled. “Yes, it was.” He smiled down at you.   You were a few years younger than him and he was a head or so taller than you and you found it quite comical. Most nights.   But standing there, there was nothing humorous about the way he looked at your or the way your heart began to race.  “Spencer.” You said through the quiet. “Yes?” He replied, not taking his soft eyes off of you. “I, um, I like you. I have for a while.” You admitted quietly. He looked shocked but relieved.  “Oh thank goodness.”   Not the reaction you were expecting. “That’s such a relief. Thank you.” Spencer smiled, nearly chuckling at his own relief. “What?” You asked baffled.   “Thank you for the good news, Y/N, but don’t make this weird.” He called out to you, walking away leaving you dumbfounded.    You were frozen in place like you were that night for a while. But in a different way.

  “Have you guys seen Y/N?” JJ was whispering to the small group of people. “No, but eight people have.” Derek joked and Spencer decided to chime in. “What do you guys mean?” Spencer asked, taking a look at your office which had it’s blinds closed.   “You haven't heard?” He asked incredulously and Spencer shook his head. “She’s been sleeping with people in the office left and right. If she’s not in bed she’s at the bar,” Derek saw Spencer’s face heat up. “Listen, I love her like a sister man, but I’m telling you the truth. She drunk texted me three days ago.”   Derek showed him the messages and sure enough, she asked to hook up but it was obvious she was intoxicated.   Spencer felt heated. The girl he loved finally admitted she liked him back and then she goes around to sleep with every guy on the planet?   He stood up and marched over to her office, busting open the door, apparently waking her up from a hangover nap.  “What the hell, Y/N?!” Spencer shouted, not caring how startled she was when she woke up. “What?” She asked, voice groggy. He pressed his lips together, walking over to a small fridge she had. He grabbed a water and slammed one on her desk and pushed over some headache drugs she already had out. “Take these and start fucking explaining.” Spencer said and that’s when she woke up. He never cussed like that unless he was serious,       “Why the hell did you confess you like me then go and sleep around?” He asked, anxious but also demanding.   “You gave me an answer and I figured you didn’t like me back. It hurt. A lot. I didn’t know how to deal with it.” She answered with a shrug. “I, what?” He asked, thinking back and that’s when it hit him. “’Don’t make this weird’?” You reminded him and he sighed, his elbow on the desk before looking back up at you.   “That’s not what I meant.” He sighed. “Then what did you mean?” You asked, persistent. “I meant I want to be with you but don’t make it weird at work.” He sighed and a breath of relief left your body.   “Should have been more clear.” You stated, looking at him. He looked at you shyly. “Yeah, I should have.”   You both sat in silence and suddenly there was that tension again. The same tension of that night.   “Start over? I mean, would you like to try us out?” You asked and he smiled and nodded. “Of course. But no more sleeping around.” He winked and you blushed.   “Obviously, Reid.”

hope yall enjoyed !