#> the other 10% is the cats and they are. a whole nother can of worms

[waloeders]

house sittin has actually sucked more this time around :/ at least last time i wasnt expecting much but my sis said she'd stay n help and well. she hasn't. grug not great

[gingery-juniper]

PERSONAL BLABBER TIME

-long personal ramble ahead-

I don't really post personal stuff here, but there's no other platform I feel safe sharing. I don't really share a lot personal stuff online anyway, but I'm really excited about this and I'm just dying to get it all out and share my excitement with someone.

Like

Orange-cat zoomies excited.

🐈[nyoom]🐈

I've been afraid to open up and unmask for so long, but this is the one place I feel like I can be open about who I am. I don't care if anyone actually reads it, I just want to vent it out.

I'm about to start taking T (testosterone)!!!

I am AFAB and non-binary, and now trans-masc.

I've always hated the body I was born with since I was a kid, but never quite knew why. I was raised in a very conservative Christian household that strongly condemned anything outside the "norm". I was raised to be a "good submissive wife"

That never sat right with me, even as a religiously brainwashed kid. And now I understand why. Not just the creepy religious aspect (that's a whole 'nother deal), but that I was never supposed to be a woman.

I knew something was different about me ever since middle school, but I didn't have the experience or exposure to know why I felt wrong in my own body. I was a tomboy I guess, but it was more than that. I my autistic ass always hyperfixated on male fictional characters. Everyone always assumed I had a crush on them, but no, I wanted to BE those male characters.

I spent so many years thinking maybe if I was more perfectly feminine I'd be happy, starving myself to be ~pretty~ and accepted by my family and peers. That didn't do shit and just made me deeply and harmfully depressed and more confused.

I spent so many years "believing" gender and sexuality was a strict "good vs evil" thing. Even daring! to think of deviating from being cis or hetero (those terms are evil and "woke" btw /s) was an abomination. Anyone at all queer (definitely used as a slur by them) was going straight to hell.

I feel sick knowing I used to believe that.

Well, I didn't really believe it. It didn't make sense to me, but I was conditioned to think that way (for fear of punishment) so I went along with it. But it didn't make sense and confused me when I started to meet and make LGBTQ friends in high school and at my first job. They were such amazing people. I couldn't figure out how they were possibly "evil".

I'm so angry it took so long for me to finally break out of that brainwashed mindset and start thinking clearly for myself.

10 years later, after a long time away from my parents/family, it's all making sense. The egg has cracked.

I've since found the LGBTQA+ community and have never felt more accepted and understood. This is where I have always belonged and I'm so grateful to have made it this far to realize that.

I was making formal plans to off myself a few years ago (many factors involved), but seeing some of the things people posted here made me realize that I'm not broken and not worthless and helped inspire me to live.

Over the last few years (and yeah honestly tumblr has been an incredible learning and supportive community resource) I have come such a long way in my personal journey. I am learning who I am now.

I had top surgery earlier this year and it's the best decision I've ever made. I've never been happier in my life.

Somehow my family hasn't noticed.

Now I'm going to start T.

My family won't take kindly to this change. They are very homophobic and especially transphobic. But I'm no longer interested in being palatable to keep them comfortable. I am going to be me whether they like it or not.

For the first time in my life, that I can say with confidence, I want to live.

I am asexual.

I am aromantic.

I am non-binary.

I am trans.

I am queer.

[blimbo-buddy]

Warriors would've been so cool if it had a death figure like the rabbit of Watership Down had with the Black Rabbit of Inle.

I did a doodle of one of my ideas after chatting with my fellow traumatized warrior cat friends.

Anyways this guy is unrelated to my AUs and just his own thing for my Warriors concept ideas.

Death doesn't speak. Like at all.

I like to imagine eldritch beings are more foreboding without words and like I imagined a scene of a cat slicing Death's face out of fright.

Death turns his head making direct eye contact with said cat and the golden blood ichor just seals up and fades away just cementing that Death is a whole nother level.

Death is separate entity from Starclan in a way that he tries to comfort cats in their last moments. Most fear him but, he lets out this soft rumbling purr and sits by them as they're letting go.

Only cats who are knocking on death's door can see them and the leaders who gain nine lives never see Death until their on their single last life and he will sometimes without warning scare them if they in his mind did not appreciate the lives given to him.

Like Death from Puss in Boots he thinks Starclan is cheating with 9 lives but doesn't verbally say it.

Death has gotten significantly less present as time wore on. Cats stopped talking about. He is believed in less. He's the same power he's always in but, despite not having a face you can see he's just sick of this.

ANYWAYS THAT'S MY WARRIOR DEATH CONCEPT BYE!!

I NEVER GAVE HIM A NAME OTHER THAN DEATH BECAUSE I COULDN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING!! HAVE A NICE DAY!

I really like this concept! I think the Black Rabbit of Inle is a neat inspiration for it, especially with how you described Death as comforting those in their last moments with his calming, low purrs. Also FUCK YEAH Puss in Boots inspiration, I always thought it was neat that Death in that movie hated the idea of cats having 9 lives and it makes sense in both cases of the movie and your idea.

10/10 Would put them in my pocket for safe keeping

[miss-tc-nova]

Org. XIII Awful Co-Workers?

“Interview” #2 I did for the Kingdom Haute zine. I had a lot of fun with this one. 

~~~~~

Have you ever looked at the sassy, confident, admittedly-sexy Organization XIII and wished you could stand among their rank? Don’t we all? Well, according to our newest source, you may want to think twice before donning that black coat and giving up your heart in servitude to Kingdom Hearts.

We at Kingdom Haute were recently contacted by a reliable, anonymous, member of the Organization itself who has done the honors of ranking who’s the worst of the worst to work with.

13. Xion – The Secret Manipulator

“By far, Xion is the easiest to get along with, but you can bet you’re a** she’s not innocent. Deny that girly what she wants, she’ll guilt you with the biggest puppy eyes you’ve ever seen. And if that don’t work, she’ll turn on Lexaeus and I don’t think he’s ever told her no.”

12. Lexaeus – The Guilt Tripper

“Man’s got a stony disposition. Won’t say anything if you do something wrong, but he just stares until the guilt eats you up. He’s got a soft spot for the younger ones though and they’ve all learned how to get anything from him, even at the expense of others.”

11. Xemnas – The Judgmental

“Boss-Man himself is probably one of the more bearable ones. Still, he’s as bad as Lexaeus if he catches you slacking off. The way he stares is unnerving, like a cat watching their next meal.”

10. Zexion – The Emo Teen

“That guy knows how to brood. Everything that comes from his mouth is some soliloquy of how existence sucks. I’m like ninety percent sure he only became a Nobody to add to his tragic backstory.”

9. Xaldin – The Nice Guy

“I thought them d*mn Pot Scorpion were toxic, but Xaldin’s got some issues. Guy’s just nasty and pessimistic all the time. I like taking candy from kids, but he takes it to a whole ‘nother level, you know. Not satisfied until the kid’s already got thousands of dollars of student loans in pre-school.”

8. Luxord – The Game Freak

“You ever had to pee so bad only to have someone stop you to guess what number they’re thinking of? No? Lucky you. Everything is a game to Luxord, even walking down the hall. And he cheats. But if you don’t play, you get to spend the next hour as one of his stupid cards, so I hope you didn’t have any plans.”

7. Demyx – The Man Child

“Demyx is actually pretty chill, but he’s got a whole bucket of loose bolts if you know what I mean. Man can burn toast and you can’t leave him in charge of anything. Xemnas must’ve been desperate to let him join the Organization. But he acts just like the kids, even cheering if he hears the words ‘ice cream.’”

6. Roxas – The Angry Puppy

“Speaking of ice cream, this kid’s got an enormous sweet tooth, but he’s definitely not made of sugar. He’ll fight you about everything, even if he’s completely wrong. I once watched him jump out a third story window because Saïx told him not to. Gotta give him props though; he told Saïx to go to hell and didn’t hesitate for even a second.”

5. Vexen – The Nagging

“I’ve gotta give it to this guy: he makes walking around with a stick up his a** look easy. You’d think that he made the rules around here. To be honest, he probably did since Xemnas doesn’t really give a hoot as long as our work gets done.”

4. Axel – The Bad Influence

“Xion and Roxas are pretty manageable, even together, but you throw this hot head into the mix and something is bound to end up on fire. I don’t think Saïx is ever gonna let him live down the time he accidentally set Vexen on fire with actual flaming Ch**tos.”

3. Saïx – The Kiss A**

“That brown-noser is next by the way. I swear he’s got some sort of crush on Xemnas. He’s like some sort of love sick puppy, following the leader around and enforcing the rules harder than Vexen, especially if Xemnas is around. Good luck enjoying anything with him around.”

2. Larxene – The B*tch

“Crossing that viper is one of the last things you wanna do. But at the same time, when aren’t you crossing her? You so much as sneeze and she gets all ticked off and threatens to stab your other eye.”

1. Marluxia – The Big B*tch

“Yeah, the other half of the B*tch Duo. He’s the worst of ‘em all. Walks around like he owns the place and we’re all just side characters. Everything is beneath him and he gets what he wants when he wants it. He once dragged Demyx out of the bathroom by his hair because the idiot forgot it was Marly’s shower hour. And you can forget about asking him to clean his hair out of the drain. He’s nasty and demanding and he knows it. But d*mn if he doesn’t look good doing it.”

~~~~~

Nova’s Kingdom Hearts Masterlist

[felicityphoenix5]

For the Weird Questions with Writers ask game, maybe... 6, 7, 10, 16, & 18 (you pick the passage)?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing? That I'll never fulfill my ideas and visions for the stories I want to tell, that I'll be on my deathbed furiously typing away on my computer and cursing my younger self for not doing this when she had the chance as I take my last breath and leave this mortal plane... N E WAYS-

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? The Validation!! Knowing that someone, somewhere out in the world liked the crap I wrote, knowing that it was good enough they cared enough to take time out of their day to read it! Before I published something on Ao3 I really thought everyone was exaggerating about the pure ecstasy you get when that happens.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? The most cringey warrior cats fanfiction ever that I wrote with my friend in grade 4- besides my many, many WIPs?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? Oh jeez. When have I ever even used an actual bookmark... hmmm, probably myself? Like my finger or hand? I really just grab the closest thing that can fit between the page lol

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. *flappy hands* THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS QUESTION-

My com buzzes again, more insistently this time. I sigh, closing the chest lid behind me as I reach for it. I wonder what bonkers scheme the rest of the server is up to, though it's probably just an advertisement for something. It’s always advertising these days. I look down at the com screen, expecting to see a generic clickbait message for a new minigame or quest. Instead, my eyes go wide as the universally recognizable symbol of the Devs flashes in white on the screen. …What. The actual hels. 

I close my eyes for a moment, squeezing them shut before tentatively looking back at the screen, half convinced I imagined the infamous stamp of Mojang. Mojang. Contacting me. Okay. Okay! That’s normal. This is fine. 

My claw hovers over the slowly rotating symbol, hesitating before I take a deep breath and tap it. Soft music and the low murmur of voices comes out of my com’s speaker and I quickly grab my headphones to hear it better. I make a mental note to get my speaker fixed.

My com displays a sky blue background with the words MINECRAFT NOW front and center. Underneath that is a countdown clock ticking away slowly from 640 ticks and black text reading “NOT ACTUALLY STARTING NOW. BUT VERY SOON!”.

OKAYOKAYOKAY so- This is from my latest WIP called "And Now, The Universe" which is basically two of my Minecraft OCs watching the first episode of Minecraft NOW. It popped into my head after I watched the April episode and thought about my headcanons for how Mojang works and how Players see them in-universe (and that is a whole 'nother fic WIP-) and BAM. Quirky all-powerful pantheon of Deities; Mojang + Iskall85 deciding to livestream to show their Players what they're working on!!!! I am so excited to write the rest of this Andi you have no idea- *vibrating*

Oh right the backstory heh: This takes place in one of the houses on the Hive, a Bedrock minigame server. Since the Hive is the biggest Bedrock server(?) and it has houses, I headcanon it to be a sort of hub for Players, a pit-stop between worlds. Since some Players need to stay here for longer, be it because of an injury, banishment or simply a place to crash for a night, the Admins offer open housing to those who need it. All they ask is that you a) aren't a prick to your housemates and other server members and b) you play at least one Hive game every two days of your stay. The POV, Calliope (who actually has another fic about her! Also WIP), is staying there with her roommate (name pending) while her friend sets up a server for their friends.

Thank you for asking <;3

[wevelocityteampresents-blog]

Animal Adventure X Episode 8: Get Ready To Get Schooled! (SCRIPT)

It’s been a while since I posted any Animal Adventure related content. But luckily, I found something that’s pretty interesting. A script for the 8th episode of Animal Adventure X! (At least, the script for the English dub.)

The script ends pretty abruptly nearly halfway through. But what we have so far is good enough to give us some insight as to how the episode itself would’ve played out. (Along with giving us a glimpse into what the Animal Adventure X TV series is like.)

With all that said, let’s dive in!

(Strikethrough text reflects the pieces of dialogue that were cut out.)

                                             ANIMAL ADVENTURE X

Episode 8: Get Ready To Get Schooled!

Narrator: Another day begins in the Aeros region. As our heroes--

(The camera pans to Velocity, Alex, and Amy who are still sleeping)

Narrator: Still sleeping...

(Chi bursts through the door. Cheery as ever.)

Chi: Wake up guys, it’s time to start the show!

(The others ignore her and continue sleeping)

Chi: I said... WAKE UP!!!

Velocity: What did you do that for?

Alex: Yeah sis, you I was having a great dream about a rice ball until you showed up.

Chi: Well, I’m sorry that I woke you up from your “PERFECT DREAM”. Besides, you’ve got three have a serious day of Stamp collecting ahead of you.

Amy: That’s right!

Velocity: We still gotta get the 3rd Aeros League Stamp!

(The three of them run oAfter eating their breakfast, Velocity, Alex, and Amy run off into New Leaf Town wh unaware that they’re being watched by Dr. Dogman and Britty.) who are watching the trio from a nearby tree.)

Britty: Well, whatever are they doing now?

Dogman: Looks like those fools are headed for the town. Probably for another Stamp.

Britty: Which should be the perfect time for an ambush!

Dogman: Precisely! Now let’s follow them and see find what out what else they’re up too!

Both: Huzzah!!

(Before setting out to follow Velocity and friends, both their stomachs start to grumble.)

Dr. Dogman: After we get something to eat...

Britty: Nya...

(The next scene switches back to Velocity, Alex, and Amy as they continue to walk around the Town)

Alex: Says here that the next Stamp tent should be in Neon City.* [EMPIRE CITY]

Velocity: Great! That means th should get me even closer to the Aeros Leagues!

Amy: Don’t forget about us!

Alex: Yeah Velocity, do you even have some type of strategy to take on Bijou?

Velocity(Baffled): Bijou?

Alex: Says here that she’s supposed to be the Stamp Holder there. The guidebook also says that she uses lightning fast attacks against her foes.

Velocity: Lightning fast? Pssh, I can take her on anyday.

Amy: Well Your missing the point Velocity. Georgi and Colette Chi might have been easy, but Bijou is a whole nother 10 times different.

(Velocity soon understands how strong Bijou is)

Velocity: I guess you’re right... But, what can I do in order to prepare for Bijou?

Amy: Well--

???: Are you three talking about Stamp Holders?

Velocity: Yeah. L- Wait a sec, who said that?

???: I did!

(Suddenly, a man wearing a purple uniform approches the duo)

Alex: Who are you?

Piggl

Piggleston: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Piggleston and I run the Piggleston Battle Academy here in New Leaf Town!

Alex: Battle Academy?

Of course

Piggleston: In my The Battle Academy is a special school where students can learn how to take on Stamp Holders with using by using the best battle strategies that there are!

Piggleston: And the best part, is I’m that I’m the Headmaster!

(Piggleston begins to twri twirl around in a purple leotard while dancinc laughing.)

Velocity: Uh, does that mean you’re also one of the teachers there?

Piggleston: Yep!

Amy: That’s great!

(Pats Velocity and Alex’s backs) before firmly p

My name’s Amy and, me and my friends here could really learn a thing or two from you.

Piggleston: Does that mean you’re all interested into enrolling into my academy?

Amy: Of course! We’d be glad to join.

Piggleston: Wonderful!

(Piggleston : continues to dance while Velocity and Alex begin to get angry at Amy)

Velocity: What was that all about?

Amy: You should be thanking I don’t know why you two are angry at me, you should be thanking me for what I just did back there.

Alex: I guess you’re right...

Velocity: Those lessons could help out us come up with a way to beat Bijou.

Alex: So where is your Battle Academy Piggleston?

Piggleston: It’s right near Route 1! Follow me!

(The trio then follows Piggleston to his Battle Academy. Mea While that’s happening, Dogman and Britty pop out of a nearby bush.)

Dogman (Baffled): Battle Academy?

Britty: Looks like the twerps off to hit the books again.

Dogman: Figured. That feline pest is more suited for school higher grades

Britty: rather than Stamps.

Britty: You know, you could probably learn a thing or two from that same school Dogman head, that way, you won’t fail anymore!

Dogman (Ticked off): I’d watch my mouth if I were you. I can disassemble you anytime I want.

Britty: *sigh* Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a robot...

(The camera cuts to Velocity, Alex, Amy, and Piggleston who are all on their way to the Battle Academy)

Piggleston:

Amy I think I’m starting regret to regret my decision...

Alex: Come on Amy, this was YOUR idea.

Velocity: Yeah! We’re not

Velocity (Continued): going anywhere until we learn a bit about Stamp Holders Bijou.

Piggleston: Ah, here we are!

(Piggleston runs off in front of the school) Feast your eyes on the Battle Academy!

Velocity, Alex, and Amy: Woah!

(The trio is amazed by the scope of the Battle Academy)

Velocity: This place is huge.

Alex: I wonder how much money went into making this school.

Piggleston: About 500′000′000 dollars. But enough about that, please come in!

(The four enter the Battle Academy)

SO, you three want to know how to beat Bijou right?

Velocity: That’s kind of the whole reason why we came here.

Piggleston: Well lucky for you, there’s a class about Bijou right down the hall! Now, let’s get going!

(Piggleston then pushes Velocity, Alex, and Amy into the classroom while that’s happening, Dogman and Britty follow them inside)

Dogman: This place is huge!

Britty: I bet’cha the Headmasters loaded.

He’s probably swimming through a pool filled with his money as we speak.

Dogman: If he’s that rich then, he must have something valuable.

Britty: And whereever we  find something valuable, we take it!

Dogman: Exactly!

(The camera then cuts to Velocity, Alex, and Amy. Who are escorted into a by Piggleston into a classroom)

Velocity: This classroom is huge!

Alex: I guess that’s what happens when you have 500′000′000 dollars.

Piggleston: Alright, you three can take a closer seat over there while I begin the lesson.

(Piggleston clears his throat before greeting the class)

Piggleston: Good Morning class!

Class: Good Morning Mr. Piggleston!

Piggleston: Today, we’re going to learn about Stamp Holders. Now before we get started, I would like to introduce you to our temporary students for today. Please give a warm welcome for Velocity, Alex, and Amy!

(The entire class turns around to greet the trio)

Class: Hello, welcome to the Battle Academy!

Amy: Wow, the students here are so lively.

Alex: They really must enjoy being here.

Piggleston: Now that that’s out of the way, it’s Time to start today’s lesson! Today, we are going to clearn about Stamp Holders. As many of you may know, Stamp Holders are people who challenge anyone who steps into their Stamp Tents in order for to test their opponent’s strength. Once they have been defeated in a battle, the challenger is awarded with a Stamp! Unlike your average Stamps, these Stamps are gi special as they give you access to are proof of your victory against the Stamp the various Stamp Holders across the region. an One example is the Basic Stamp which is given out by Chi, who is the Stamp Holder of our very own New Leaf Town.

Alex: That’s my sister!

Piggleston: Now we will discuss on how to beat a Stamp Holder. Our subject for today will be Bijou from Empire City.

Velocity: Finally time to learn something about Bijou.

Piggleston: Bijou is known for her lightning fast agility and dazzling attacks, which could do be disasterous if you’re not quick enough.

Student 1: So, what should you do?

Piggleston: Good question Kenta! The first thing you need to do is to watch her moves so you can se what she will come up with next. The next thing you should do is to counter against her with a Protective attack or by using a Ground technique technique which should the latter should come in handy i when Bijou comes in for a close range attack.

Student 2: What happens if you defeat her?

Piggleston: I was just about to get to that Chip! If you remember what y I have taught you today and successfully defeat Bijou, then you will be rewarded with the Pop Star Stamp!

(The class is then impressed by a picture of the Pop Star Stamp)

Velocity: So that’s the STamp I’m aiming for.

Alex: Yep! Says so right here in the guidebook.

Piggleston: Now before we end today’s lesson, I want all of you to take a 2 page quiz on what you learned today.

(Velocity, Alex, and Amy are Velocity: What, a quiz?

Alex: Nobody said anything about a test!

(Piggleston co walks over to the trio to ensure them)

Piggleston: You don’t have three d Relax Alex. You three aren’t a part of this school which means, that you don’t have to take the quiz.

Amy: *sigh* That’s a relief...

Piggleston: I’d As much as I would love to guide you three around the school, I have to stay here in the classroom and take care of the class. But because of your interest in this is the Battle Academy, I’ll assign two of my students to give you a tour. Ricky? Momo? Could I please have a minute of your time?

(Two children get up from their seats and s walk over to Piggleston)

Piggleston: Velocity, Alex, Amy, allow me to introduce you to Ricky and Momo.

(Momo a callico cat that wore a white dress and a pink skirt along with a red bow on the back of her head, begins to greet the trio)

Momo: Nice to meet you!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And, THAT’S the whole script. Like I said earlier, the script ends pretty abruptly. Ending right after Momo introduces herself to the main trio. (We don’t even get any dialogue for Ricky.)

I remember reading this a few years back and remembering that there was more content written. With Velocity and the gang hearing a loud blast while eating dinner. (Which probably would’ve lead to the big confrontation between the heroes and Dogman for the episode.)

From a critic’s point of view, this episode does a good job at elaborating more on how the battles in this show work alongside the Stamp challenge. There’s some pretty funny lines in here too! (I find Piggleston to be the funniest out of most of the characters in this episode.) The dynamic between Velocity, Alex, and Amy is pretty solid with each of them retaining their personalities from the video games while also fitting in some new ones that make them play off of each other very nicely.

Hopefully, the full script (or better yet, the ACTUAL episode.) is out there somewhere and someone can finish up what I never got to write.

(I should get going now. It took me nearly an hour to write this...)

[copias-thrall]

This is Halloween (Halloween)

Mary expands Suey's world by taking her to a crazy art party.

(Part: 1; 2; 3; 4; 5; 6; 7; 8; 9)

It’s one of the stretches where you actually haven’t seen Mary in a few days. He’d apparently been by your apartment—dishes were done and he took out your trash—but you’d spent that day hunkered down at a coffee shop so you could have sandwiches with a friend who got a job downtown. And while Mary can be lyrical when he wants to be, his texts are usually brief and full of letters that only make sense to him in his shorthand … so you’re not ever going to get any missives from the front lines from him.

Which is fine: you’re super-busy and full of your own hobbies. Like napping. And complaining. Occasionally you’ll round that out with chip-eating. You’ve never been particularly creative—which makes Mary wince at you every now and then (you love art, you’re just not … adept, and sometimes it seems unfair that he can write music AND lyrics AND doodle great sketches)—but you are a voracious reader. You’d been shocked to find out that not only had Mary read Austen, but he also had a love of Persuasion—a novel you yourself found superior to Pride & Prejudice. He’d been similarly chuffed when he’d realized you liked Chuck Palahniuk for more than just Fight Club. 

Which is all to say that when Mary’s not around, you like to combine your hobbies—a little chip eating while you read, only to fall asleep with the book on your face. 

Tonight is no exception.

It’s nearly Halloween (it’s tomorrow actually, and you’re only slightly bummed that Mary has to work), so in honor of the holiday you’re working your way through an anthology of Lovecraft. Unexpectedly, there's a knock at your door. You check your phone, but there are no texts.

Hmm.

There’s another knock, so you set down the book and sprint to your bedroom to take up what Mary has dubbed your “Masher Hammer.” You make it back to your apartment door just in time for a third series of knocks. When you look out the peephole, however, it’s clear that whoever’s on the other side is blocking the viewer.

Gripping your hammer tight—ready for swing mode—you unlatch your door and open it.

You’re met with the sight of a Jack O’Lantern. 

No—

Not a Jack O’Lantern … some guy with a carved pumpkin on his head.

“Ta-d—Jesus Christ, Suey … put Masher down,” says a muffled voice.

“Mary?”

Mary lifts the pumpkin—a real pumpkin, not a plastic basket from the dollar store—a little off his head enough for you to make out his face. You lower your swinging arm.

“Why is there a pumpkin on your head? What are you doing here?” 

He spreads his arms out and does jazz hands. “Mischief Night!” 

When you just stand there squinting at him, he finally takes the pumpkin fully off his head. His hair is squashed, and he’s only wearing some light makeup around his eyes and on his lips.

“So, you gonna let me in, or … should I duck?”

“Oh, right,” you say as you step back.

As Mary suanters in, you can see his eyes sweep to the couch where you’ve made a nest of blankets and pillows—your book lying face down, and the open bag chips positioned at an optimal angle on the coffee table.

“That looks nice.” He sidles up to you to squeeze your tits through your hoodie. “Almost makes me want to call it a night and get cozy in those blankets … I could crush those chips and lick them off you before I eat you out.”

His hand slides down to your crotch.

You’re trying to take him seriously, but he’s holding a pumpkin under his arm. You snap at his face.

“Mary—focus. What the hell?”

He gives you a put out look, exaggeratedly pushing out his bottom lip—but it’s soon replaced with a wicked grin.

“Mischief Night! Do you wanna go to a weird-ass art party?”

“An art party?” you ask dubiously.

“No, not what you’re thinking.”

He sets down the carved pumpkin on your table and walks to your fridge, rummaging around before pulling out the pisswater beer he keeps around.

“Think of it as a teen-movie house party—but on steroids and no one there got laid in high school. With, you know: art.”

“That’s … very specific.”

He walks back over to you, cradling the beer in one hand, and puts the other on your shoulder.

“We are under no obligation to participate in the orgy.”

You don’t think he’s joking.

He gives you a once over. “It’s also a—hmm—masquerade, so we gotta get you outfitted.”

Your mind darts.

“I only have those stupid headband cat ears my friend got me as a joke.”

He gives you a vulpine smile. “You’re gonna go as me.”

It had been a fun little party of two as you’d put on a YouTube Halloween playlist from your phone. Mary’d given you a dramatic mohawk with his precious airplane glue, then fished around in the pink makeup bag with hearts (that you’d put his stash in as a joke and he’d kept) to give you his iconic look—blood and all.

There was no way you were going to fit in his skinny jeans, but you’d been able to pair one of his well-worn tees (that you hadn’t already stolen) with your favorite denim skirt. Mary had taken off one of his studded belts to wrap around you—it’d needed a couple of safety pins to act as extensions, but Mary had assured you that that just made the style more authentic. Upon Mary’s request, you’d put on your ripped fishnets, and you had your own worn Docs to complete the look.

“Do I get to be a sex-crazed jerk all night?” you’d asked as you’d admired yourself in the corroded full-length you had propped up by the bathroom.

“You say that as if that’s something new and different for you—fuck ow,” said Mary as you’d tapped his balls.

“So where is this place?” you ask as Mary and you head to the train. 

It’s in the old factory district, which means it’s a ways away, but still subway accessible.

“It’s actually in a converted co-op. I think they started out as squatters—unclear—but now it’s above board as a residence and shit. I used to know a guy who lived there for a while—they had sectioned off areas with screens—and he had a corner so he slept in a hammock. Most of the space is for their art, though. What a fucking life to live.”

You look at him, incredulous. “Mare. You live in a 2 bedroom with 4 other dudes.”

He scoffs at you. “We also have a couch. It’s a whole ‘nother level.”

You just hum at him.

When you finally get there—after a few mis-turns in this silent neighborhood full of abandoned brick factories—you’re surprised (despite Mary’s description) to see that the place is lit. There’s a guy standing at the entrance to the parking lot (that slopes dangerously toward the river) checking attendees; it becomes clear that not only is he checking for 21+, but for alcohol and toilet paper. Those without either have to “donate” $10.

“Oh—” says Mary right before it’s about to be your turn. “I’m not Mary tonight.”

“What should I call, then? The ‘Great Pumpkin’?”

“Just not Mary,” he hisses as you shore up to the “bouncer.”

The guy is not in any kind of costume—just grey sweats and a sports team hat. He’s sitting on a bar stool, and he has a little flashlight he’s using to check IDs.

“Hey, guys!” he says cheerily. “Welcome to Magical Mischief Mystery at the Factory. IDs? Ah! TP and suds? Cool, cool.”

He checks your IDs, then looks at you, then your IDs … then at Mary’s pumpkin face, then at you.

“OH MY GOD,” he starts chortling and slips off the stool to grab Mary’s arm. “Mary, you old bastard—I haven’t seen you since Dusty left to get hitched.”

You take a deep breath and—in your best screamo voice—you say, “I’m fucking Mary Goore,” (not a lie) “and he’s ‘Late for Dinner’.”

The pumpkin head turns to you. You can feel Mary’s unamused gaze.

The bouncer starts wheezing so hard that you’re afraid he might expire from laughing.

“Fuck, fuck,” gasps the dude. He shakes his head, eyes watery from mirth, and waves the two of you through.

“I hate you,” says Mary.

“I didn’t call you ‘Mary’, though,” you quip as you slip your arm through his.

“Why do I have to carry all the shit? Here. Pull your fucking weight.”

Mary hands you the toilet paper roll he heisted from your bathroom.

“Are we going to TP something?” you ask as you take the roll from him.

“Heh. No, it’s purely functional. This many people? It’s so the bathrooms don’t run out.”

The two of you enter with another mass of people, traveling through the miasma of secondhand smoke from the smokers. You cough, but Mary inhales deep, sighing. You’re not sure what you were expecting, but you gape as you look around.

You and Mary stand on an open floor—which is what 5 or so floors look out onto all the way up. The place is crowded, but not jam packed. There’s a makeshift kitchen area where a dude in a bare chest and suspenders is accepting the toilet paper and libations. Above him is a white sheet that’s stretched out, on which an Art Film is being projected. The film has no sound because in the far corner there’s a DJ spinning, and a group of people are “dancing” to his jams. Mary was right: it’s like some kind of frat party for the artsy set. Because of the theme, most everyone is in a mask of some sort, and people—or groups of people—are making out in corners in various states of undress. 

Mary grabs two beers, then leads you to a staircase—there’s a freight elevator by it, but it’s got cheesy Halloween “do not enter” tape blocking it.

“The first year too many people loaded into it, and it dropped 3 floors before the emergency brakes kicked in,” says Mary as he notices where you’re looking.

In a loft on the second floor you and Mary watch a woman—nude and covered in white paint—become the canvas to her girlfriend’s landscape painting.

In what’s clearly a shared bedroom, you and Mary peruse some really great paintings and sketches from what must be a number of the co-op residents.

“You should have told me to bring cash,” you say.

“We can always come back. I know a guy.”

You imagine Mary’s probably winking at you.

On the third floor there’s an inexplicable open-air kitchen attached to a bathroom. In it there’s a dude doling out beer from a keg.

“What’s this,” Mary asks him.

“It’s my homemade IPA, dude! Pumpkin for the season!”

He hands Mary a business card.

“We have a small space in the boonies, but we’re trying to get a brewery up and running in the city. Red tape though, man.”

“I fucking hear that.” Mary takes a sip. “Good shit, dude.”

The guy high-fives Mary.

“One for your girl?”

Mary hands you the solo cup, and you take a sip. You were expecting something grassy and hoppy—but the pumpkin actually balances it out nicely without it itself being cloyingly sweet. When you nod, Mary just lets you have his and indicates to the brewer to pump another cup.

The two of you enter what you think might usually be a studio space, but instead there’s a burlesque performance going on. There are some people making out, but Mary and you watch, rapt, praising the skill of the performers to each other.

The fourth floor has the least amount of people. Someone is doing a reading in one corner, and across the way there’s some sort of performance art going on. A woman stands in a white shift and gauze. Every time a dude who looks like a Nazgul rings a bell, she contorts herself to a different pose with a dancer’s ease.

You roll your eyes, but Mary begs your patience—watching solemnly as she continues.

“What is it?” you ask when the set is clearly over.

“Did you not feel it?”

“Uh …”

Even through the pumpkin you can feel his eyes on you.

“She’s a dancing monkey. Bound and constrained, only ever allowed to perform at the whim of her faceless master.”

“Mary …”

“No—don’t scoff. That was meant for you. It’s an allegory for the patriarchy, and I for one found it quite moving.”

You guess you can see it now that Mary’s pointed it out to you. He takes off the pumpkin, and you hold it while he goes over to talk to the woman. You shift uncomfortably as they engage, and she grabs his hands, shaking them profusely. Mary suddenly points over at you, and the woman waves and motions you over.

“Oh my god, look at you!” she squeals. She turns back to Mary. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it—she looks just like you.”

“I liked your patriarchal allegory,” you say.

Mary twists his mouth at you, but the woman just presses her hands to her chest.

“Thank you so much. I’m testing it out here as a protest piece. A bunch of us are going to travel to different cities and perform outside of big corporations.” She grabs Mary’s wrist. “Your boyfriend is wonderful. His song about—”

“—my band’s song—”

“—the nature of performative gender roles is one of my favs.”

You have no idea which song she’s talking about, but Mary looks pleased. So you’re pleased. You wrap your arm around his waist.

“He is pretty great.”

She lifts her veil to chug the glass of water Nazgul hands her.

“It was so nice to meet you person to person, Mary. I’m going to find the ladies before my next performance.”

“Love your work, Lizzy. I’ll put you on the list for our shows. Show up anytime!”

She bows and shuffles backwards as Mary leads you away.

“You have no idea what song she’s talking about do you?”

“I—” you sputter. “Uh. Dead Things?”

Mary looks at you indulgently.

“I’ll let you think about it.”

It turns out that the 5th floor is off limits to party goers, so Mary—back in his Jack O’Lantern—and you wander down to ground level to acquire more beer and to join the crowd of dancers. At some point the two of you take a break to pee, then hydrate as you add your own dialogue to the film on loop above you.

Back on the dance floor, there’s some skanking, some goth writhing, and some line dancing as the DJ spins his own set and sprinkles in some crowd requests. At this point in the night, most of the attendees have already made passes through the upper floors and are now all on the dance floor. Mary does some goth stomping (his pumpkin abandoned and now being passed around), and you do a silly skank until you slip on a slick spot and fall on your ass. After that, Mary pulls you close and grinds against you, his thigh between yours, both of you buzzed from multiple trips to the bar.

“Do you wanna find a corner?” he whispers into your ear.

In any other situation you’d probably say no … but—for all the crowd is packed—this is clearly a private party, one whose hosts don’t frown upon a little bit of lechery. You guess he wasn’t kidding about the orgy, after all.

“Yeah,” you breathe.

It takes a little investigation, but Mary and you find a room that seems to have been either designated or usurped as the makeout room. There’s a writhing mass in one corner, and the bed is covered in rolling bodies. There’re some breathy invitations—and a hand or two lightly caresses your calf as you walk by—but no one insists on participation further than that. 

Mary yanks a pillow from the bed and tosses it to the floor. He pulls you down so that you’re both on your knees, his mouth capturing yours and his hands alighting everywhere. A hand of his sneaks down your skirt, and yours slithers down his jeans—the roving fingers of you each more a prelude than anything, stoking you both up to what’s next.

“Can I fuck you?” huffs Mary.

“Kinda drunk,” you say.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No—just not gonna be very useful,” you giggle.

Because you wore the fishnets you’re not wearing underwear, so all Mary has to do is rip a hole in the crotch area—they’re not even good fishnets, so it’s not like there’s a liner to contend with. He grunts at your wetness.

“You sure?”

“Fuck me, Mary.”

He fumbles with his dick, finally managing to sink it into you. It’s a very awkward fuck—you’re lolling all about the place, and Mary isn’t being particularly steady.

At one point a light turns on only for a Sorry! to squeal out as it turns off again.

You try to swallow your laugh, but your jiggling belly can’t hide your reaction, and soon Mary is laughing too.

“Fuck … shut up … fuck,” he giggles. “I’m trying to get off here.”

You’re just catapulted into further fits, and before long Mary’s soft cock is slipping out of you as he joins you in snickering.

“Crap. I might be too drunk for this too.”

The two of you lay like that for a bit, a feedback loop of laughter, until your belly muscles ache.

“Fuck. Take me home, Suey.”

“Yeah, ok,” you say. 

After some readjusting, you both stumble out of the room. The crowd has thinned, but that’s not to say the dance party isn’t still going strong.

“We should get a cab,” you say.

“Cash?” Mary asks as you guys shuffle out of the building.

“App,” you say as you hold up your phone to poke at your cab app. “My card s’on file.”

“Fancy.”

“S’for emergencies.”

“Oh.”

You give him a lopsided grin. “Like staying too late at a factory party.”

There’s a comedy of errors when the cab can’t find you and cancels, and you have to rebook—only to have the same cab automatically cancel your order again. Mary calls the number for dispatch, and they direct you out to a main street. The cab that picks you up is the same cab that voided your reservation twice, and he yells at you for giving him the wrong address.

You let Mary argue with him (content to doze on his shoulder)—the conclusion seeming to be that while you put in the correct address, the app didn’t like it and spit out a close, but different, pickup address.

By the end of the trip, however, the cabbie and Mary seem to be old friends. He lingers even after the driver validates your card, talking with the guy about where he’s from, until you tug on his arm.

“Sleepy,” you grumble into him.

The cab driver laughs.

“We are beholden to our women, yes?”

“Happily,” says Mary as he wraps an arm around you.

“Have a good night,” says the cabbie, and Mary just raps on the car, waving as it pulls away.

 “What a cool dude,” he says as the two of you shuffle toward your building.

“Mhm,” you mumble.

“Jesus, you’re useless when you’re drunk.”

There’s a lot of fumbling and stumbling, but you both finally make it into your apartment. Somehow Mary gets you into the shower, which you don’t even realize until it turns on, and you shriek when the cold water smacks you in the face before it has the chance to warm up.

“Why am I still in my clothes?!” you whine.

Mary pokes his head in.

“You fucking serious? You almost bit off my fingers when I tried to undress you!”

“I’m more than just sex!” you yell.

“Just fucking wash your face.”

“Kay.”

You fall asleep sitting in the shower, waking only when the water turns cold. It seems to have had a sobering effect, because you definitely feel more clear headed than when you entered—it’s not as funny to be slightly sober and peeling off your cold, wet clothes. Usually you give your teeth the full experience, but tonight (this morning?), you just give them a quick brush.

For all he seemed soberer of you two, Mary doesn’t seem to have fared much better. He managed to get his shirt off, but he’s lying on your bedroom floor—curled in a ball—still in his unbuckled jeans. It would be amusing—and maybe after sleep it will be—if you weren’t so wrecked. It’s a struggle tugging off his jeans, and he semi-wakes halfway through and starts to shiver.

“Wha—?”

He looks at you blearily.

“Help me get your pants off, Mare bear.”

He blinks down at his legs, then sort of squirms his legs to help you wiggle him out of the black denim. Luckily—disorientated as he is—he’s able to assist you in getting him into your bed; he conks out again the minute you trundle him under the covers. The night outside is lightening, and you know there’s no way you can work tomorrow. Today.

Whatever.

You shuffle into your living room and start up your laptop, blinking rapidly as it boots up. When it finally loads, you send off a missive to your supervisor about potential food poisoning you’ve contracted, but how you’ll check your email later this afternoon. You preemptively down some ibuprofen and sneak some of Mary’s Pedialyte.

Mary seems dead to the world when you climb into your bed, but he’s rolling over and wrapped around you as soon as you’re settled, huffing into your neck.

“Took the morning off,” you mumble.

He hums.

You’re in a good doze when he speaks, jarring you back awake.

“Had fun?”

“Yeah, Mare. Now, shh.”

He mumbles something into your neck, but it’s too incoherent and you’re too knackered to decipher it. You just relax into his koala embrace and let sleep take you.

⬅️Previous | Next ➡️

[the-wanted-man]

👂🏽 10:29 pm. Cat snoring.

“It’s been an hour or so since ya’ve been able t’move. Hell, it’s been a whole dang hour an’ the cat ain’t even moved. We all been there I think, stuck beneath our furry lil’ overlord’s an’ crampin’ somethin’ fierce a’fore long but  all it takes is a moment’ve listenin’ t’them lil’ motorboat purrs an’ ya’ decide it’s worth endurin’.

Can’t really bring yerself t’interrupt th’possibility’ve a dream. Course, now ya’ gotta wonder what a cat even dreams about. I mean, they sleep so dang much. Dreamin’s gotta be most’ve what they do.I reckon they dream about bein’ big ov’course. Ever see th’spunk of an alleycat when challenged? An’ a house cat ain’t too far different most times neither. You catch it especially after they been sleepin’ so they must be livin’ a whole ‘nother reality beneath th’eyelids, to be so tough an’ small out here.

...Probably dreamin’ ‘bout chasin’ an’ runnin’ an’ climbin’...There’s mice in her dreams, birds, critters...an’ other cats t’conquer. There’s thangs t’scratch on, an’ hot sun t’lay in. Hell, th’warmth from a good snuggle probably let’s that furry lil’  dreamer feel more at home. If y’pet her, I bet she stretches out her paws like there’s grass between th’toes,  jus’ before she curls back in t’claim whatever space y’disturbed.

She’s a lion, in sleep. A tigress. A panther. A predator. They got no sense of how adorable they actually are sometimes.

Soon as she’s up she’ll be lookin’ fer all them thangs she dreamed about. All that runnin’ an’ chasin’ becomes a zoom an’ fer a minute one can reckon what somethin’ several times th’size’ve her could do when she pounces on a sock and kicks it t’threads wit’ her back feet. At least fer th’house cat, she’s as big as she needs t’be in her domain. An’ it is hers. That’s how cats work. Once ya’ bring ‘em to yer place, it ain’t yer place anymore.

S’okay though. They at least make th’claim on territory entertainin’.Comfortin’. That’s why th’snorin’ ain’t really much’ve a bother. Nor th’crampin' in yer arm as it falls asleep jus’ like th’cat did. It’s nice, really, an’ y’can stand t’let’em dream.“

@mymistymornings: a little late but hopefully you enjoy!

[jmcolt]

1-10 + dove & jacey!

i cannot believe... you’re making me out myself like this but OKAY fine cats out of the bag like OUT OUT of the bag

dove & rat daddy:

1. Who is the most affectionate?

DOVE is 100% the most affectionate. Any time they’re walking, she’ll latch onto his arm and won’t let go until they get to where they’re going.

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

Dove is the little spoon obviously. She likes being held and she also doesn’t like taking up a lot of space. He definitely doesn’t mind! She fits nicely in his arms...

3. Most common argument?

They don’t argue a whole lot. Mainly just little things like the dishes and what not, y’know? They did get in a pretty big argument over something that I’m not saying, but... they made up fairly quickly when Sam explained himself.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

Like MOST of my ships, just sitting together and enjoying each other’s company. They also like driving around town once the city’s a little more quiet and just... talking. 

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

Sam ofc! Nothing he loves more than carrying her bridal style. It’s good practice for the future ♥

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Sam likes all the cute little freckles dotting her nose and her big green eyes. Dove, on the other hand, absolutely adores his smile whenever he chooses to show it.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

It didn’t take long for them to jump into things, so there really wasn’t anything that changed? Idiots were acting like they were dating like two seconds after they met...

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Sammy and Dovey! Dove started calling him Sammy immediately after meeting him and just never stopped, while Dovey was something that slipped out of his mouth when he was still half-asleep.

9. Who worries the most?

Dove. Her boyfriend/future husband is a mafioso, so... it kind of comes with the territory. She’ll sit by the phone and PRAY it doesn’t ring. 

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Sam always knows what she wants before she even opens the menu.

jacey & FUCKING DUMBASS:

1. Who is the most affectionate?

They both can be stupidly affectionate, but I’d say Jacey more than him. She plays with his hair constantly and like I’ve said before, if she doesn’t cup his face at least once, did I really write it?

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

Jacey is unintentionally the big spoon nine times out of ten because of how she ends up shifting in her sleep. Kind of a feat considering she’s so much smaller than he is; it always leaves her with a sore neck that he has to rub the kinks out of.

3. Most common argument?

Literally everything. They can not go for five minutes without bickering, but it’s kind of a love language at this point, so they’re not real arguments. The only thing they legitimately argue over is Alex, but that’s a whole nother can of worms.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

Can’t remember a single damn time they did something non-sexual. That is a joke. They do not fuck. Anyway, they like sitting on the couch and working on articles and shit together 😒 She’ll read over whatever he’s writing for him and point out mistakes/what he can do better; he’ll do the same if she asks, but she rarely does. They also like taking the dogs for walks in the park,  getting coffee in the morning, and cooking together in the rare moments they feel like doing that.

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

DO I GOTTA SAY? Jacey couldn’t carry him if she tried and he’s always taking her to bed because her stupid ass will work until she passes out on the couch.

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Obviously, Jacey has a fixation with his hair because she always has her damn fingers in it. As for him, well, he likes... pretty much everything about her, but her, uh, THIGHS, are up there... 🙄

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

This... is a complicated question considering they’d HAD feelings for each other for a very long time and they knew it, but they had a good long streak where they pretended to hate each other for a number of reasons: something (idk what ok this is a relatively new decision) drove a wedge in their previously close relationship, he dated River (and didn’t exactly stop seeing her despite their break up), she dated Alex, and just plain idiocy, but MOSTLY because they’re both super fucking competitive and share a career. After they put aside their weird Weirdness and admit this whole thing passed the point of being rivals/friends with benefits a long time ago, they’re less snippy, more affectionate, and he shows he cares like ten times more (driving her home when she’s sick, clocking Alex in the jaw for acting like an ass and taking a job SHE’D earned, etc.). 

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Just the typical pet names like baby, sweetie, etc. etc., but sometimes he’ll call her Jace instead of Jacey.

9. Who worries the most?

Bobby 🤢 Jacey has a funny habit of overworking herself to the point she gets sick, so he’s always trying to get her to stop and take a fucking breather.

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

They both do, but they’re also both super predictable and have known each other for over 20 years at this point, so it’s not like it’s hard.

[dafukdidiwatch]

Troll Rank 14

Oh I am such a fucking hypocrite

1. Karkat

2. Nepeta

3. Sollux

4. Gamzee

5. Feferi  (RIP)

6. Terezi

7. Equius (RIP)

8. Kanaya (RIP)

9. Tavros (RIP)

10. Aradia

11. Vriska

12. Eridan

Gamzee was this fucking close to making the top 3. THIS fucking close. How can I still fucking like a psychopathic murderer. HOW!?!?

So I guess I am going to explain my feelings on The Evil Three.

Eridan, he is a whiny entitled prat who forces unwanted feelings on everyone and everything. I use to think he was cute when he was with Feferi, but after realizing his behavior with everyone, I think he is fucking trash. And when he didn’t get the companionship he wanted, he threw everything away for a chance at his own survival by trying to side with Jack. He fucking killed the Matriarch Orb Thing out of Spite because things didn’t go his way, he is trash and I hate him.

Vriska....she is complicated. I can understand why people like her, and I do too. He is cocky, confident, aggressive, assertive, she takes control of her own life but loves to risk it all on the roll of the dice. But...she is scary, unhinged. Like anything can set her off to attack, so make the wrong move and you are dead. She pushes everyone aside to her glory and her plans, it doesn’t matter who she hurts. The worst is that, while she will get invested in you, it is only to try and bring you up to her level. Like you are unworthy unless you prove yourself to her over and over again. The is a difference between trying to toughen someone up and then groom them to your ideal person, and Vriska straddles that line. Add that in with her need to be the best, so she must be the beginning AND the end to the fucking Ultimate Villain, and that is just a disaster waiting to happen.

So....why....Fucking Gamzee is different than both of these kids, Gamzee is on a whole ‘nother level. He is smart, crafty from stealing the glasses, sadistic to playing the field. He is confident to the point of having power, he doesn’t need to show you how better he is like the other two, he knows it and takes charge around it. There is something...idk....seductive?.....about how he managed to handle himself. I assumed that his text were just him talking and shouting, but his facial expressions when attacking Equius and Nepeta were impassive and unimpressed. The flaws that he has to his character are, at the moment, unaffecting him. He is psychotic, but that isn’t hindering him in the way Eridan’s egotism and Vriska’s glory affect them.

And I really can’t let go of his past high self, I still like that part and want that Gamzee back :(

Please note that this not that this does not mean that I am not terrified of the Clown, I still am.

And Nepeta and Equius made a jump up in the polls too....It seems like the couples get higher after they fucking DIED so fucking thanks Hussie.

Equius trying to be pleasing with Nepeta and talk about feelings, and trying to roleplay was fucking adorable. And he really did put Nepeta’s protection over his own, which is something I respected.

Nepeta’s cat faces are the cutest, but she does have a hissy feisty side to her. She isn’t afraid to give Equius a piece of her mind, and is not putting up with Eridan’s bullshit either. I fucking love that.

[goblin-gardens]

@grimark replied to your post “although she is the only one who is currently a literal goblin, i think there’s actually a strong argument to be made about each member of the M9 being actually more Goblin than Nott is”

if you get the time/inclination i would Love to hear about the goblin energy of the rest of the m9

anything for u grim. and anything to tempt you further into the world of Critical Role. i see you liking my “Caduceus Clay is a twink” posts and the good good fjanart i reblog. i see you.

come. stay a while and listen! read my very long and very scientific essay! i will not be disclosing how long this took me, but there are almost 2500 words under the cut.

okay okay okay so the first thing we need to do in this very serious and scientific endeavor is separate Sam Reigel’s MASSIVE Goblin Energy from his character. that man’s Goblid Quotient is OFF THE CHARTS.

when we look at Just Nott (and Veth, which would be a whole nother section but we don’t actually know anything about her??) does she express clear Goblin Traits at a higher rate than the rest of her party? they are generally a pretty gobliny bunch, or they wouldn’t be killing strangers to take their gold, but do they have true Goblin Traits?

Some key elements of Goblinry: 1) Collection Of Crap 2) Chaos 3) Minionhood 4) Gooey Center 5) Laser Pointer Focus 6) Furious Devotion and 7) Hideous Cackling. what’s that? these seven qualities match up with the seven other members of the Mighty Nein, past and present? what a coincidence!!

1) Collection Of Crap, epitomized by: Caleb Widogast. a fairly self explanatory goblin trait. okay so yes, this is a trait Nott has in spades, and is specifically and canonically an aspect of her goblinhood. Caleb, however has chosen to Collect Crap to be a wizard, filling his pockets with spell components including, but by no means limited to, sulfur, molasses, honeycomb, bits of copper wire, and literal bat shit. it’s all just. in his pockets. being slimy. he has also been Collecting the Crap of trauma in his brain for many years, and no fantasy therapist has been around to help him KonMari some of it into healthier boxes. he has also Collected a whole new family to care about, and in many ways, he views that as kinda shitty. (runners up: Jester, with the animals and haversack of holding, Beau, with her constant wanting to know shit, Fjord, with his balls)

2) Chaos, epitomized by: Jester Lavorre. another Goblin trait Nott shares, but Nott hasn’t built a religion out of chaos. she’s not a high priestess of drawing dicks on things. her magic powers don’t some from a divine mandate to fuck shit up. honestly, i feel unconvinced by the assertion that Nott has a Chaotic alignment, while Jester’s CG status is unassailable. pets also up the chaos meter, though this Collection can be attributed to Laura Bailey and this has been taken into consideration. Jester’s childhood in the Lavish Chateau was sort of like a pandora’s jack in the box getting wound tighter and tighter and tighter past all physical comprehension, and though the lid has been lifted, the spring is only just starting to sproing. we haven’t even reached the Zenith yet! (runners up: Molly, with the egg dick incident, and Fjord, with his need to always....... touch..... things......)

3) Minionhood, epitomized by: Fjord “No-Name” Swordvjore. in CR, goblins will work together to target weaker and easy opponents, but aren’t prone to individual heroism and rarely, if ever, go out of their way to save a friend. in their villages, little value is placed on familial relationships or education, they’re not big team players, and everyone has a terrible sense of humor. what do they have in common with Fjord? NOT A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, ACTUALLY. Fjord shows the other side of the coin, like how tactics that don’t rely on using yourself as canon fodder are more successful, or like how the power of friendship and diverse skill sets makes your team stronger. though he is currently examining the negative aspects of his own Minonhood, Fjord has spent much of his life content to be a minion. on a merchant ship, climbing ropes and battening hatches as he was instructed, and now a minion of a mysterious and powerful creature. however, he’s realized this arrangement no longer suits him, and he is looking for other options (like being a paladin??) (runner up: Caduceus Clay, committed WildMinion)

4) Gooey Center, epitomized by: Yasha Nydoorin. the Gooey Center is protected by a spiky, brittle, intimidating, crunchy, and/or off putting exterior.  Yasha is our big, scary, tenderhearted wlw. our giant soft-hearted, angelic, full-of-boiling-murderous-rage, lightning-punching, funeral-not-having runaway who loves her wife and makes us cry. she shaves her arms with her sword. she uses books in non-traditional ways. she vanishes into the night sometimes in a very mysterious and tragic manner. she is our most Romantic player character, and she is super ripped and super queer, which are all aspirational goblin qualities. in practice, most goblins connect with their gooey center by being squished by someone like Yasha, maybe with a giant hammer. (runners up: Caleb, known glass canon with a very crunchy exterior, Beau, puncher of feelings, and Molly, who rudely showed us just how how close that center can be to the surface)

5) Laser Pointer Focus, epitomized by: Caduceus Clay. related to Minionhood, this is the aspect of Goblinry that the leader uses to achieve goals. the dogged focus of a True Goblin is powerful and direct, but can be redirected with the proper pressure or leadership, or lost when a cause or leader is not compelling enough or doesn’t provide adequate payment. the Laser Pointer Focus has an investigatory aspect as well, gathering little bits of info from every which way in moments, though the information gathered is rarely put to use immediately. Caduceus, who sees all but doesn’t always act on it, and is content to support the Nein and follow their meandering path to his goal, checks many of these boxes. (runners up: Fjord, spiritually chasing a laser pointer at all times, Jester, whose laser pointer always points at chaos, and Caleb, a cat)

6) Furious Devotion, epitomized by Beauregard Lionett. also going hand in hand with Minionhood, this is the trait that makes goblins actually willing to die in battle against adventurers and town guards and shit. but it doesn’t require any comfort with or willingness to follow authority, it’s the more feral side of love that is reigned in by Minionhood in true Goblins. this is the part of the Goblin that drive the Collecting of Crap because it genuinely loves all the shit it finds. Beau is a prime example of this trait, especially because as she gets more and more invested in a person or ideal, her willingness to let go, even in the face of likely death, decreases dramatically. see episode 55 for reference, among others. she also has a rather Goblinish inability to effectively communicate the depths of her feelings, though this is sort of an aspect of her defense of her Gooey Center and something she’s actively working on. (runners up: Yasha, very good at using the Fury to pursue the Devotion, and Caleb, even less able to discuss his feelings than Beau)

and finally 7) Hideous Cackling, epitomized by Mollymauk Tealeaf. this is what a Goblin does when surveying their Collection of Crap and the Chaos they have caused. this is how they communicate with fellow Minions in the know, how they react to seeing someone else’s Gooey Center, to catching the Laser Pointer. this is the easiest way to express their feelings of Devotion. the Hideous Cackle of a True Goblin is un-selfconscious and entirely for the benefit of the Cackler. Cackling Hideously is an act of self love. you can find your goblin group by listening to the Discordant Chorus made by Cackling together, and when you’re all reveling in the cacophony, there you are. it’s a little hedonistic and a little punk and a little queer, disregarding conventional expectations of beauty or family or polite behavior, and all about diving deep into the things that you are and the things that make you happy. an extremely Molly philosophy, truth be told. (runner up: Jester, gleeful agent of chaos)

Now lets use a quantifiable rubric to measure these attributes in each member of the M9. these will be X out of 11 because 77 is more of a Goblin Number than 70.

Nott The Brave Collection of Crap-- extremely.  9/11 Chaos-- FLUFFERNUTTERRRRRRRRRR!  8/11 Minionhood-- not really! her love of Caleb is much more protective (of him and his future abilities) than anything else.  3/11 Gooey Center-- ehhh she’s secretive, but her tender spots are other people, not actually her.  5/11 Laser Pointer Focus--  her main goals are all inwardly motivated and have not changed during the campaign.  2/11 Furious Devotion-- her love is extremely powerful.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- a surprisingly low score due to her great potential for growth in the self-love department.  3/11 total score: 40/77. not a bad score, but not Extremely Goblin!

how does that stack up against every one else?

Caleb Collection of Crap-- keeps everything in his pockets except for his cat, which is in his heart.  11/11 Chaos-- absolutely creates it, but lacks proper conviction and glee.  3/11 Minionhood-- while formerly a Minion, he has developed his own purpose, and is no longer eager to follow authority.  1/11 Gooey Center-- easily smashed by any large or medium-sized hammer, but maintains staunch denial of inner Gooeyness.  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- has goal, will travel. difficult to redirect.  5/11 Furious Devotion-- literally willing to break the world for people he loves.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- this man has not once consensually Cackled in his  whole life.  -4/11 total score: 34/77. Not Especially Goblin!

Yasha Collection of Crap-- does have a whole book of pressed flowers! Collected Molly and then stuck with the Nein out serendipity/stubbornness.  6/11 Chaos-- she doesn’t really revel in it :/.  5/11 Minionhood-- serves a higher power and follows along the decisions of others in the group, even when not super enthused about them, like going to Xhorhas.  8/11 Gooey Center-- all the Gooeyer for being well protected, and though her emotional walls are not the most formidable in the party, the amount of protected feeling was unexpected  11/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- loyal to two guides, the Stormlord and the M9, though the Stormlord can pull her easily away from the group.  9/11 Furious Devotion-- very very angry.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- could stand to be a bit more open about it.  4/11 Total score: 53/77 Actually Pretty Gobliny!

Fjord Collection of Crap-- collection is limited in scope and volume, but high in Strangeness.  8/11 Chaos-- a troublemaker, for sure and certain.  7/11 Minionhood-- Literally A Minion right now, summons demonic minions on occasion.  11/11 Gooey Center-- he is a twunk and he is mad about it.  6/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- this man cannot resist pushing buttons, be they physical, emotional, or likely to end the word.  9/11 Furious Devotion-- still figuring out where his passions lie, but he cares a lot about his friends.  5/11 Hideous Cackling-- too self conscious! loosen up! needs to Cackle in his own voice.  3/11 total score: 49/77 a respectable Goblin showing.

Beau Collection of Crap-- wants to know everything, is building a family. some points lost for minimalist monk aesthetic.  9/11 Chaos-- aspiring member of Nott the Best Detective Agency, punches people to learn about them.  8/11 Minionhood-- would destroy me for even suggesting it.  -6/11 Gooey Center-- just! wants! everyone! to! get! along!  7/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- has no clearcut Mission To Complete, tries to be a voice of reason.  2/11 Furious Devotion-- JUST! WANTS! EVERYONE! TO! GET! ALONG!  11/11 Hideous Cackling-- doesn’t give a fuck what anybody thinks, but is still learning to give a fuck about what she thinks.  5/11 total score: 36/77 second-least Goblin!

Molly Collection of Crap-- behold the coat. 8/11 Chaos-- he has that certain je ne se quois.  10/11 Minionhood-- the Moonweaver in not a fan of her followers following anyone’s orders. also he has his own minions and doesn’t want them  3/11 Gooey Center-- loves openly and without reservation. and also……………………  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- Molly’s focus is loving his friends and knowing fuck all.  5/11 Furious Devotion-- found a tall sad lady and made his circus adopt her. gives money to orphans.  7/11 Hideous Cackling-- genuinely personified this action for two years.  11/11 total score: 52/77 not too shabby!

Jester Collection of Crap-- while most of her random shit has potential uses, it’s also a whole lot of random shit. some of its weasels.  10/11 Chaos-- spreading discord is a religious mandate for her. Her powers come from chaos.  11/11 Minionhood-- has limits in what she will support, but is pretty devoted to her friends! easily swept up in other people’s excitement.  8/11 Gooey Center-- physically well-defended, she has the luxury of wearing her heart on her sleeve. 6/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- it might seem like she’s easily distracted, but that’s actually because her surface level attention is secondary. her primary goal is actually Fucking Shit Up.  7/11 Furious Devotion-- gets attached and does. not. let. go.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- the end goal of everything Jester does is Cackling With The Traveler, and she often succeeds.  10/11 total score: 62/77 Pretty Fucking Goblin!

Caduceus: Collection of Crap-- dude has a swarm of bugs living in his staff.  8/11 Chaos-- NOT a fan of stuff that disrupts the proper order of nature.  4/11 Minionhood-- of all the M9, the one with the guiding principles most defined by another being. a bit of a zealot, by word of Taliesin.  9/11 Gooey Center-- encourages everyone else to talk about their feelings, yet doesn’t talk about his own in the same way. very fragile. please protect this firbolg.  10/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- has a well-defined goal, but not a well defined path. constantly looking for the answers. 11/11 Hideous Cackling-- Cackling is a more intense action than thinking something is nice, but he’s on the right track. 5/11 total score: 47/77 more than a little Goblin!

final ranking (out of 77) 34, Caleb 🐱 36, Beau 👊 40, Nott 🏹 47, Caduceus 🐞 49, Fjord 🗡️ 52, Molly 🎴 53, Yasha ⚡ 62, Jester 🦄

now, 40/77 is by no means a LOW Goblin Quotient, but this single, not peer reviewed study shows that Nott is not, in fact, the ultimate Goblin of the M9. as a goblin of science myself, i absolutely invite further discussion and welcome any additional research into this matter. who do you think is the most Goblin?

happy goblining, friends! it’s thursday!

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Esther Stoley

Is she going to whip her brother into shape? Esther has been accepted! Please send in a faceclaim to be featured on the main page.

out of character info

Name/Alias: bea / trizzy / beatriz Pronouns: she / her / he / him / they / them / trash Age: 19 (20 in May) Join Our Discord: sure thing !! Timezone: est Activity: 6 – ish ( i’ll be on at least every other day c: ) Triggers: nada !! Password: jimmy can fast pass my ass ;)) Character that you’re applying for: Esther Stoley Favourite ships for your character: Esther / Chemistry

in character info

Full name: Esther Lyn Stoley Birthday: June 18th Sexuality, gender, pronouns: Bicurious, cis female, she / her Age and grade: 17, senior Faceclaim: Ha Young / @dull_ouuo on instagram Appearance:  Head / face: Smooth, nearly flawless, pale skin is the product of Esther’s constant skin care routine and her jet black, shoulder length hair frames her heart shaped face. Her features are soft but defined with a jaw line that could cut diamonds. Her eyes are a deep brown, followed by a button nose, and plump lips that are, more often than not, lightly coated in lip tint. Her only “imperfections” are two small moles – one on her left cheek, and the other on the left side of her nose.

Body: Her body is rather thin, but still healthy. She stands at approximately 5’1 and weighs about 102 pounds. She hates the fact that she’s so short, and would definitely fight you if you start picking on her about her height. Aside from her height issues, she is happy with her body.

Style: The clothing that Esther chooses to wear can be described Asian Street Style. Her outfits are self-described as eclectic and eccentric – which essentially means each ensemble varies and can possibly be viewed as strange or extraordinary, especially for the South Park norm. Her face is often lightly painted with makeup – her eyes are usually lined with a dark brown or black and have either light or neutral colored eye shadow, and her lips vary from dark, matte lipsticks ( usually shades of red ) to soft, glossy tints. Personality:  Smart, conniving, hopeless romantic, and chic – that’s Esther. She maintains straight A’s in school with the occasional B plus, but anything below won’t satisfy her need for success, so she tries her hardest and can often be found locked in her room, listening to music and studying for her next quiz. Despite her smarts, she can often be a bit air-headed and forgetful at times – which stresses her out, especially when she knows that she had forgotten something and she just can’t remember what it was, no matter how hard she wracked her brain. She often dreams about finding love – but she usually doesn’t put herself out there as much as she should – so she usually doesn’t get into relationships ( although she does had the occasional secret fling ).

She can be found at parties quite regularly, but she is more of an introvert and would much rather be snuggled up in a big, fluffy, fresh-out-of-the-dryer blanket with a plethora of snacks at her disposal while she watches some random movies or reads some books. She does keep a lot of secrets from just about everyone – especially anyone outside of her family – she’d hate if she came upon some gossip of herself. She can be overly emotional at times – but she hardly ever shows that to anyone. On the days she feels like she’s gonna burst out into tears at any second, she stays home and locks herself in her bedroom, somehow convincing her teachers that she was bedridden and sick on those absent days. History:  Like her brother, Esther spent a good portion of her childhood immersed in a whole ‘nother world away from the mess of a town that they lived in – however, instead of comics and syfy – she indulged in love stories and cringy fantasy novels. As she got older, she started to stray away from her false world and came back into reality. She interacted more and more with the girls at her school – even becoming pretty popular and being brought into the “inner circle” of girls. Of course, a great deal of things changed over the switch from elementary to middle school – Esther even made changes to her personality. She became more secretive and hid the softer and kinder side of herself so she wouldn’t accidentally get involved with the wrong people and hurt herself and nobody would see her as weak or as easy prey. She kept her emotions to herself and acted colder to people around her. Puberty hit her like a freight train – she was covered in acne as a pre-teen and all of a sudden her skin was soft and clear with hardly any marks or blemishes in sight. Esther felt better now that she looked better ( in her opinion of course ). She started gaining a ton of positive self esteem and held herself in a way where she exuded a level of confidence. She honestly felt like a queen. As she made the transition into 12th grade, she – thankfully – kept that confidence and self esteem boost ( though she did still get emotional at times, because, who doesn’t? ), but she did start taking time away from being social to live another life through books once again. Sample paragraph:  Esther had just gotten off school and since she hadn’t had anything else to do for the day she decided to sit down and relax with a nice book. In order for her to really enjoy said book, she had to set a mood. She threw her backpack into a corner by the door and took off her shoes, running to start up a pot of coffee. The short girl quickly put on a pot of coffee and quickly and quietly, ran to her room – she shut the blinds and lit a few floral scented candles, making the room dark, but well lit enough for her to be able to read her book. She purposely messed her bed up, forming a nest of blankets in the center and ran back down to her kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee. She poured the freshly brewed instant coffee into a teal mug, mixing in a small bit of sugar before carefully bringing it up to her bedroom and sitting it down on her nightstand. She went over to one of her several bookshelves and pulled out a book that she’d planned on reading for a while called ‘Siren’ by a woman named Janet Fox.

She went over to her blanket nest and made herself cozy, pulling one of the blankets over her shoulders. Before she started to read, she took a long sip of coffee, then she opened to the first page. For nearly two hours, she was fully immersed in her book – reading about gangsters in the 1920’s. However, as soon as her brother opened her door to see if she was home, her set mood was ruined. She accepted that she was no longer to envelope herself in as much comfort as she was in before and put her book away. She blew out the candles and allowed natural light to shine through her blinds once more as she sipped up the last bit of her coffee. Headcanons:  ✧ Sometimes, she ( not-so-secretly ) reads Kevin’s comics. ✧ She would 10/10 fight to protect her brother. ✧ If you get into a relationship with her, she can be a bit clingy, so beware. ✧ She secretly crushed on all of the Goths in middle school, with the exception of Firkle, because she thought they were all really cool. ✧ She changes her hair up every other month – it’s always one of these 3 colors – grey with slight blue tints, brown, or black. Black is by far her favorite hair color for herself and she has that color most often. ✧ She’s almost always up-to-date on the latest gossip and drama in town. ✧ She has an intense love of poetry. ✧ There’s a raven that is often in her backyard and she feeds it when she sees it. ✧ She has 3 full length bookshelves in her room and one small bookshelf that doubles as her nightstand. ✧ She may not say nor show it much but she loves Kevin with all of her heart. ✧ That being said, if anyone hurts Kevin, you better avoid Esther as much as you can or else you’re in for a beating. ✧ She knows quite a lot of Chinese; and she often shouts in Mandarin when she’s angry. ✧ She has at least 4 cups of coffee a day. ✧ She smokes when she’s stressed ( strictly cigarettes ) ✧ She lost her virginity at 15 to Bradley Biggle – not her greatest achievement. ✧ She broke up with Bradley shortly afterwards – he thinks it was mutual and they’re on good terms – but she sent him home sobbing and she would most definitely stab him if it was morally accepted and she wouldn’t go to jail for it. ✧ She has a Siamese Cat named BaoBei – meaning “baby” in Chinese. ✧ She’s head of the school newspaper. ✧ She’s considered joining the poetry club – but she doesn’t think her own poetry would be good enough for it – and so she didn’t. ✧ She took up a job at Benny’s as a waitress for some extra cash. ✧ She really likes looking at art, but she’s not really into art, if you get what I mean. ✧ She loves the vintage aesthetic. ✧She’s not the best cook, but she can microwave stuff, and that’s better than nothing. ✧ Her favorite color is dark teal. Anything else: tell me if i should change anything !! thank you guys !! also, sorry i gave such random hc’s i just got a ton of muse + ideas. in addition, this blog i’m sending from will be esther’s once i do some re-vamping uwu

[dreadhaus-literature]

{January Collection} #22

Ode to My Body

Tuesday’s Theme: Lyrics

“Welcome home, Harl. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

The purr of Pamela Isley’s voice slid over Harleen Quinzel’s skin like rose vines and the blonde giggled, bouncing up and down on booted toes with an excited clap.

“For me, Pammy? Ya shouldn’t have!”

The welcome kiss between the Sirens was brief but meaningful, deep. It had been a long day for them both, preoccupied away from each other which made their tasks seem more mundane and boring than they might’ve had they tackled it together. Harleen, known more infamously as Harley Quinn, slung her still wet bat over her shoulder, leaving it propped by the door in case she needed to grab it in a hurry, before she followed Pamela, aka Poison Ivy, deeper into their lovenest like an excited puppy offered a treat.

“Can I have it now?!” Harley all but begged, causing Pamela to smile.

“Hm, well I don’t know. Have you been a bad girl, today?”

“The worst,” Harley rested her chin on Pamela’s shoulder, grinning. “I was the worst gal in Gotham today.”

Pamela’s smile was one of pride, and it turned Harley’s heart over. It was so much easier to love someone who knew how to love you back...

...but Harley wasn’t above falling into her same old ways if she had a good reason to.

Good reason didn’t mean the Joker, oh no. Mistah J’s days of tormenting Harley were long gone, thanks in part to the support of Pammy. Harley was in a stable relationship for the first time in her life, if one didn’t count the dependability of the Batman showing up every time she broke the law. It was this safety and routine with Pammy that set Harley up for both success...and being taken off-guard the moment she ran into a pretty li’l girl on the sidewalk by the name of Monica.

Fate’s a funny thing, in Gotham. There’s nearly 10 million people who walk those streets, live in those buildings, drive on it’s roads. What are the chances of finding someone who just...does it for you? Harley may come across to some as a ditz but it was just an act; she’s sharper than a whip and those eyes have been trained to see everything. That day on Gotham’s snowy sidewalk, she had seen everything. Everything was wearing a black faux fur coat, coincidentally resembling hyena fur, which was the first thing that caught Harley’s curious gaze. Curiosity killed the cat when the wearer of the coat walked right past her, trailing expensive perfume that had Harley turning, walking backward just to keep the scent drifting beneath her nose. Satisfaction brought the cat back when Harley’s inquisitive gaze caressed a profile straight out of a magazine, and she recognized immediately she’d just passed the Heiress to the Alcari Family fortune and empire.

Monica.

Oh sure, everyone knew of her, but to see her? That was a whole ‘nother experience and it left Harley breathless but not speechless. Definitely not speechless. The moment she’d gotten home it was all she could talk about, telling Pammy everything, from the scent of her intoxicating perfume to the beautiful curves of her profile. Pamela had listened with only brief barbs of jealous jabbing at her like rose thorns, but that changed considerably when Harley insisted they find a way to see her again. Heiresses live their lives in the public spotlight, it’s just the nature of a culture obsessed with celebrities--it was just the first time Harley or Pamela had found themselves right alongside the enamored masses.

Obsession is not a funny thing, no matter where you are. Like roots of a tree it plants itself firmly and then grows, no matter how little it’s nurtured but if it’s given water, given sunlight, if it’s fed, like fire it will grow. Harley kept Pamela on the cold Gotham sidewalk outside the Alcari building for four nights before Monica finally walked past again and in that moment, Pamela understood. She understood why Harley had begun cutting out pictures of Monica from magazines and hanging them on their bedroom walls. Pamela understood why Harley insisted on stealing several bottles of Monica’s perfume from a high-end perfume counter--it was perfume Harley sprayed on their bed pillows at night before they slept. Sweetest dreams Pamela had ever had. There was just something about this girl that forced the two Sirens into unfamiliar territory--for Pamela, at least. Harley was no stranger to obsession, to devotion that consumed her waking hours and filled her nights with vibrating toys and beginning Pammy to pretend Monica was in bed with them, too. Now that Pamela had seen Monica, laid eyes on her, was close enough to touch her, she understood. Fuel to Harley’s fire and the two of them were burning together.

Plans began to take root in the apartment. Pamela asking the smart questions, wanting to know how Harley knew Monica wasn’t just another Mistah J. But Harley knew just what to say--

“You wouldn’t be this way about her if she was! You always was the smart one, Pammy.”

It was an argument that quieted the last and only one of Pamela’s concerns. Harley was prone to obsessive behavior, like a child she fixated on her favorite toy and didn’t want to let it go, even when the toy was dangerous, as it was in the Joker’s case. Pamela wanted to be concerned that Harley was repeating history, but she couldn’t find it in her to think such negative thoughts about Monica. The two Sirens had been following her, both physically and over social media, for weeks by this point and she knew the other woman well enough to know there was no real danger, here.

The Sirens didn’t need to be worried. Monica did.

“It’s in the bedroom,” Pamela gestured toward their open bedroom door, biting back a soft laugh as Harley nearly sprinted to it, so eager was she to find her gift.

“Oh, what is it? Did you steal more of Monica’s clothing?! I really wanted that bikini she wore to that yacht party, I bet those skimpy little bottoms she wore smell like Heaven.”

It was true, Harley had begun the ritual of stealing clothes and objects from Monica’s penthouse weeks ago, and even Pamela had broken in to steal a few things as well, but at Harley’s question, Poison Ivy shook her head.

“Even better.”

Harley’s tongue poked between her grinning teeth as she turned in the doorway and immediately let loose an excited squeal, disappearing into the bedroom to claim her surprise. Pamela all but sauntered over to rest in the doorway, watching Harley leap onto the bed, bouncing twice even as she wrapped her arms around Monica’s waist.

The Heiress was bound to the headboard, her wrists wrapped in vine with a promise Pamela wouldn’t use thorns unless she tried to escape. Monica hadn’t, and her reward was being presented to Harley Quinn as a gift.

“Oh Pammy, it’s perfect, she’s perfect!” Harley’s seeking, obsessive fingers could not get enough of touching Monica, tickling and pulling, grasping and tugging at every inch of her. “Can we keep her? Huh? Is she gonna stay with us, now?”

Pamela’s gaze nailed Monica to the bed even as she answered Harley. “She is, Harl. She’s ours, now.”

At the word ours, Harley began nosing kisses against Monica’s tear-stained cheek, over-exuberant mwah, mwah, mwah’s that meant as much as kisses were made to mean. Monica could feel Harley meant the affection, as if the two of them had been dating for years. She knew who these two women were; loving in Gotham it would be difficult not to, but never in a million years did she think she’d ever be abducted by them--and not even for a ransom! No, when she offered to buy her freedom, Pamela had all but snorted--though the noise seemed a little too undignified for the woman known as Poison Ivy.

“Do you really think this is about money? Darling pet, this is about you. It’s always been about you.”

Monica didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle but she saw enough of herself strewn through this apartment to know Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy were fully expecting her to be theirs, now. There was possession In Harley’s touch, in her kisses, and Monica’s eyes fluttered closed as Harley tipped her head up to kiss her square on the lips. The kiss was burning in it’s possessive desperation, as if Harley had been wanting to kiss her for years.

“Oh, she tastes like candy, Pammy! See, I told you, this ain’t no Puddin’,” Harley drew back but only slightly, running her tongue along the seam of Monica’s lips. “Candy’s already sweeter than Puddin’ ever was.”

“Candy, hm?” Pamela crossed the room on long, elegant legs to sit on the edge of the bed. Delicate fingers slid up the bare skin of Monica’s ankle, circling possessively as Pamela continued to lock eyes with Monica. “Our little candy girl.”

Harley laughed, an excited, happy sound as she pulled Monica in for more kisses, drinking from parted lips already swelling from the force of Harley’s desperation.

“Let her breathe, Harl,” Pamela chided with a soft laugh. “We have all the time in the world, now, and she’s going to faint if you don’t give her a little space.”

Harley broke the kiss just to hear Monica gasp slightly, and she brought her hand up, running her fingers over Monica’s kiss-swollen lips, her other arm around Monica’s petite shoulders. Harley was in every inch of Monica’s personal space, threading their legs together so that her knee was grinding slowly against Monica’s barely covered cunt.

“We finally got our little girl, Pammy,” Harley turned to smile at Pamela. “AIn’t she the sweetest? I told you she was, didn’t I?”

“It’s true,” Pamela turned her smile to Monica. “She told me the first day she saw you.”

“We’re your Mommies now, Candy,” Harley tapped her nail against Monica’s nose. “You’re gonna be our spoiled, pampered little girl, yes you are!”

Monica felt the bed shift and turned from Harley to see Pamela crawling up the bed, her sheer robe parting to reveal she wore nothing beneath. Monica bit back a whine as Harley pushed more insistently against her slit, rolling her clit just to elicit another noise, turning with excitement toward Pamela anytime Monica did anything. Monica had no idea what was happening to her life of routine and normalcy but she knew it was over. Pamela’s hand slid around Monica’s waist and as Pamela claimed her lips, Monica felt her head spin and wondered if Pamela was drugging her, again. She’d done it before, that was how she’d gotten Monica here in the first place. Monica was aware of Harley’s lips on her neck, her desperate, seeking fingers slipping up Monica’s shirt as Pamela’s moved between her thighs, forcing Harley’s knee back so Pamela could split Monica’s folds cleanly with long nails. Monica cried out against Pamela’s mouth, and immediately Harley was there.

“I know it’s a little scary now, Candy, but you’ll see, it’ll be fun!”

“I promise, you’ll adjust,” Pamela spoke against Monica’s lips, finding them just as sweet and intoxicating as Harley had promised. “You’ll be a good girl for your new Mommies, won’t you, darling?”

Monica’s head was swimming, and she was vaguely aware she was nodding. Whether that was Pamela’s influence or if some part of her was responding to the sinful touch between her legs, against her breast, she couldn’t say. Pamela kissed her again, stealing her breath, and Harley clung on a little tighter to the body they’d been coveting for agonizing weeks, now.

Love’s a funny thing, in Gotham. You’d be surprised how many different shapes and sizes it comes in, but as they say--

Mommy knows best.

[vera-invenire]

VnC Liveblog - Chapter 14

Previously: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13

Those are, uh, some interesting eyes you got there, Murr. I know you’re a cat, but please don’t murder anyone, kay? Please, Murr.

We start with a recap of our latest mystery -- in one week three vampires have mysteriously disappeared and the suspected kidnappers are the Church’s anti-vampire unit, the chasseurs. (should that be capped? eh, I’ll leave it for now.)

I see Vanitas still hasn’t bounced back from whatever blow he was dealt when he recognized that button. Only now he looks...sad, too?

Mentioning the Vampire of the Blue Moon in a general way makes him almost defiantly manic and driven; mentioning his quest for revenge makes him look not only lost but like he lost something, like it’s still an open wound. Mentioning the chasseurs gets you a face similar to the lost look, but he’s maybe not quite as dazed? I think it’s the difference between still being gutted and raw and being resigned to the wound, maybe? Speculating off of two textless panels is so fun and productive, guys.

Anyway, the catacombs! The catacombs of Paris are famous, y’all. LOTS of skulls, so of course it’s perfect for VnC.

Memoire 14 Catacombs

Where the Dead Sleep

Well, I hope they’re not playing poker.

(I bet you ten bucks Noé got distracted looking at the streetcar and didn’t realize it was leaving. The things Vanitas has to put up with, honestly. Aw, and Murr caught the eye of a fancy lady! That’s the real love story, right there.)

So the catacombs are a vast ossuary built inside an old system of quarries, we’re told. Twenty meters underground and roughly two hundred kilometers in length, it is said to house the earthly remains of approx. six million people.

So many skulls, guys. (Vanitas picked a good name)

Riche: oh god oh god, i just touched him, i just touched the hot guy, what do i do, he l p

Murr, why you giving her the stink-eye, she’s nice.

Look at this smooth, mofo. He caught the girl AND the candle. Thank god he’s oblivious or else nothing would be able to stop him.

(the real plot twist of VnC: Noé knows EXACTLY what he’s doing when he gives people That Look. He just acts oblivious to stave off the incipient fanclubs. *le gasp*)

Guys, I think the dhams are my favorites. And Dante’s angling for the de Sades, eh?

Noé’s not interested in the comedy routine, though -- something else is distracting him.

I’m glad Noé’s noticed something is off about Vanitas. He’s been avoiding the ‘camera’ for a bit now, which isn’t like him. It’s almost as if he’s withdrawing to the background, an intriguing facet of Vanitas’ personality that we haven’t seen before. But Noé notices he’s gone and won’t let him slip away so easily.

(though now that I think about it, the retreat to quietness isn’t completely new -- it’s what he does when he goes up on the rooftops, after all. we just haven’t seen him get this introspective around others before.)

Hmm, vampires in the tunnels of Paris, fighting the chasseurs...this is reminding me of World War Z, ie. it sounds freaking terrifying, yikes. (er, the book, not movie version. don’t think that made it into the movie.)

“There could even be another war.”

And vampires going feral and attacking humans sounds like just the thing that could provoke another human-vampire war, don’t it. This could turn into one of our big stakes in the series. And with the introduction of Jeanne, who fought in the last war; the chasseurs, who also fought in the last war; Ruthven, who brokered the end of the war...well. It’s not hard to imagine that the board is being set up again.

(it occurs to me that if there’s a faction of vampires that actually WANTS war, a simple way of bringing it about would be to accuse the humans of causing the spread of Charlatan and the curse)

(...they...could blame a human...a particular human in possession of a Book that is made to alter vampires’ true names...)

(oh, crap)

(o_o)

Hey, Vanitas is laughing! First time that’s happened since last chapter when he left Orlok’s office. Good job, Dante.

Noé’s still watching, though.

Vanitas looks run-down. He’ll laugh at Dante getting busted by the guards, but his mood is still extremely -- flat? tired? -- right now.

I love how Johann has no compunctions at all to cozying up to Noé. He’s like, hot guy? Don’t mind if I do.

We already know Noé is a little oblivious when it comes to people, so I think it says a lot that he’s already so attuned to Vanitas.

He knew right away that Vanitas’ reaction on the chandelier was weird (and seems to have hit the bullseye as to why) and he knows when Vanitas’ actions are a veneer over something else. He’s already started differentiating between what’s real and what’s a front when it comes to Vanitas, even if he can’t always understand what he sees (see: their dance). And they’ve known each other for what, a few weeks?

Poor Vanitas. Noé was already disinclined to go along with the most egregious examples of Vanitas’ bullshit -- now that Noé’s Vanitas Radar is getting more refined, soon Vanitas won’t be able to get away with anything. For a loner like him, that might be hard to adjust to.

(Noé looks so comfy, I wish I could sleep like that. Vanitas, don’t you think you’d be more comfortable sleeping inside with Noé, he could use you like a pillow)

This button is a Symbol, and I think it used to be an important one.

Though -- is he looking at the back of it? Are we gonna get an FMA-style message on it?

And hey, speaking of FMA, check out that pocket-watch --

Vanitas waits on the roof until -- what is that, 3am? -- then gets up with a slightly alarming look of grim determination, dark bags under his eyes. (he didn’t sleep at all)

Someone’s trying to sneak out in the dead of night. What are you planning?

!!!!!!!!

:D :D :D

omg. I’m cackling. Look at Noé standing there. Fully dressed! Leaning on the wall with one hand in his pocket! Casually reading! Ahhh, this is the best. Reminder that Noé can be hellishly smooth when he feels like it and it’s awesome.

Not only did he outmaneuver Vanitas, but he scheduled his nap perfectly because he knew Vanitas and knew his next likely course of action, even though (because) Vanitas hardly said anything during the day. This pleases me so much, you have no idea.

(and not only is the nap thing galling on principle, but now Noé is well-rested while Vanitas is walking around with visible bags under his eyes. It’s beautiful.)

*epic flaily hands*

guys, guys, it’s a reversal of chapter 2! look, look!

This chapter is gold.

I LOVE parallels, especially when the shoe ends up on the other foot. Even Vanitas’ coat looks deflated this time around, ha.

I think my bottom lip is wobbling. Boys.

The best part -- the best part -- is we already know Noé likes Vanitas’ cranky face. He must be enjoying this as much as I am, lmao.

Also, please note that Vanitas can’t seem to say ‘no’ to Noé, to the point where it’s kind of turning into a pattern. A delightful pattern.

(Thanks to Assassin’s Creed: Unity, I, too, know where this side entrance to Notre Dame is located. Thanks, Assassin’s Creed.)

Hm, hold up.

Lock-picking seems like a very Vanitas-ish skill, so I’m not questioning that. (I do question what his upbringing was like, but that’s another conversation). No, the thing is, didn’t he use the Book to pick a lock in Orlok’s office before?

Yup. There are the formula marks. So why didn’t he use the Book this time?

...wait a minute. wait a goddamn minute.

holy shit. vanitas didn’t have the Book when they went to orlok’s office. that was the whole POINT of going to orlok, HE had the Book, so --

Vanitas can alter formulas without the Book?

UM.

Nothing like a little B&E (plus assault) to get one’s spirits back up.

Vanitas finds a hidden switch behind the candelabra that opens a secret passage. (this may also have been in Assassin’s Creed.)

“These aren’t like the place we visited this afternoon. There are entrances to the underground labyrinth all over Paris. ...but the catacombs we’re headed for are made so that only those in the know can reach them.”

...uh-huh. So how do YOU know about them? And if you knew, why’d you just follow the dhams to the tourist spot? Were you that thrown by that button?

The chasseurs live down here? Uh.

What’s that saying about those who hunt monsters...?

...

...Vanitas was a freaking chasseur, wasn’t he.

But he left them? Or they left him? How does the Vampire of the Blue Moon fit into that?

It would also mean that he lied to Noé in the beginning when Noé asked if he was a chasseur or a bourreau, but. That wouldn’t be much of a surprise. And not technically a lie if he wasn’t one anymore?

Sheltered he may be, but our boy Noé ain’t no dummy.

they’re his former comrades

*raises eyebrow* Chasseurs but not chasseurs? Renegade chasseurs, maybe?

And he knows exactly how they fight because of course he does.

This explains so much. The abilities of the vampires are on a whole ‘nother level, literally superhuman, so it’s easy to overlook sometimes that Vanitas is a really good fighter for a human.

Particularly against vampires.

He’s been doing this vampire-doctor thing for a little while now, right? Meaning, he’s been hunting down transformed and blood-mad vampires and fighting them with only one reluctant, mercenary dhampir as back-up. Sure, he latched onto Noé as a ‘shield’ immediately (probably because he had a few too many close calls and, unlike with Dante, he doesn’t have to pay for Noé), but he was still fighting -- and surviving -- the monsters long before Noé got on the scene.

So were could he have possibly gotten these vampire hunting skills? *insert thinking emoji*

(I don’t know how the Vampire of the Blue Moon fits into all this, but taken with the chasseurs, I can’t help but find Vanitas’ current vocation dryly amusing. Both these entities from his past who HATE VAMPIRES have done Vanitas wrong, so what’s he gonna do?

He’s gonna turn around and save the goddamn vampires out of spite. (...and probably for some other reason we don’t know about yet, because Vanitas, but you get the idea))

Oh look! More skeletons. (momento mori, yus)

Oh shit. It’s that guy from the end of chapter 13.

...oh god, this is a trophy room, isn’t it.

The boys are like “oh, f---!”

This guy’s design is weirdly -- cherubic?, and it’s freaking me out.

Hm. So lower-ranking (-powered?) vampires revert to a more human physiology after death? Why?

And damn, these skulls are in seriously bad shape. Must have been a hell of a fight to take each of them out. Shows the power of the chasseurs, for certain.

Is this guy taunting them?

Noé just seems shocked (as he should), but Vanitas almost looks struck dumb, like he doesn’t know what to do with Disturbingly Cheerful guy.

Hmm, a couple things.

I thought this guy’s name was Roland?? @vnckocurzyca, I think you said his name was Roland? It’s got all the marks of a translation error (swapped Ls and Rs), I just want to know the right name to call this guy, lol. (and if YP screwed up the translation so I can rag on them a bit)

Another thing that might only be amusing to me -- Vanitas has been carrying a sling on his back that I’ve been assuming carries the Book, his knives, etc. But when he stands next to Cheerful Guy who has his own his massive sling (that looks an awful like some sort of improbable weapon of the Kingdom Hearts variety), Vanitas looks like nothing so much as a Boy Scout standing next to an Eagle Scout and it’s kinda hilarious.

Just think about it. In another lifetime, this guy could have been Vanitas’ senpai.

Cheerful Guy is important, I see.

So, he got his high position sometime after Vanitas was no longer associated with the chasseurs? And he wasn’t even posted in the area until recently. Gives me reason to think he wasn’t involved in whatever happened to break Vanitas away from them.

Though it occurs to me the chasseurs might not recognize him anyway, depending on how long ago the association was (couldn’t have been that long, Vanitas is only 18 according to the omake) and when exactly he took on the name ‘Vanitas’. They might have known him under another name, maybe his REAL name, and isn’t THAT thought interesting.

“I’m Vincent and he’s Gilbert.”

“I’m Vincent and he’s Gilbert.”

“~I’M VINCENT AND HE’S  G I L B E R T.~”

ahhhhh, I love easter eggs.

(I prefer to read Vanitas’ bowing and babbling here as his version of a customer service voice. you know, that really fake, ‘sincerely apologetic’ one everyone who has ever worked in retail had to master.)

(is that not the face of every retail worker in the world, I mean, come on)

Vanitas has NO IDEA how to deal with this man, it’s amazing. But it looks like they haven’t been made (yet), so that’s good.

That armor on Mr Paladin’s arms is very reminiscent of Jeanne’s leg armor, no?

*tilts head* Is this a typical shounen-ish ‘he’s strong’ assessment, or can Noé analyze him on a different level because of his vampire eyes?

Either way, it says this guy is more dangerous than he seems. Guess you don’t rise to the rank of paladin by sitting on your butt.

(and what exactly is that weapon on his back???)

...y’all. I play a lot of video games. Suddenly walking into a large room with strategically placed cover spots is A VERY BAD SIGN.

I HOPE YOU SAVED BEFORE THIS CHECKPOINT, GUYS.

Ohhh, shit. There it is. Mr Paladin was playing them the entire time and they fell for it like a pair of shmucks.

Specifically, VANITAS fell for it. Dude, the sneaky tricks are supposed to be your area of expertise. Either this guy is better than you or you are seriously off your game. (possibly both)

(...random, but Mr Paladin is reminding me a bit of Might Guy. probably the gushing emotion and positivity.)

A flash bomb? And Vanitas knows exactly what it is, knows it’s meant to hurt Noé specifically. It also means that Mr Paladin knows Noé is a vampire, probably knew it when he was gushing about all those be-fanged skull trophies. Man, you can never trust the goofy ones.

When you think about it, a flash bomb would be the perfect weapon to use against vampires in an enclosed space like underground tunnels.

I’m paying attention to how MochiJun is depicting the affects of the flash on Noé ‘cause we still know precious little about how vampires eyes, and vampires in general, work.

So, we’ve got a shattering, as if the flash caused the world to break apart for Noé, and then a disorienting swirl where his vision is completely obscured. His eyes really are his weak point.

...ohhoho, wait. Wait, wait, wait, I just remembered something.

Vanitas used the flash bomb trick on Jeanne, way back in chapter 3 --

The canister looks about the same, too. I guess now we know why Vanitas keeps one of those in his pack.

It didn’t work as well on Jeanne, but, well, it’s Jeanne.

Mr Paladin is not only dangerous, but also creepy. And kind of dehumanizing, too, which I suppose is to be expected from this group. Not like Veronica de Sade is much better.

Alright, so. Does this mean Noé can usually see the two ‘worlds’ separately? And this is a thing all vampires can do because of their eyes, while some powerful vampires are then able to rewrite the formulas they see on a large scale? Though since Paracelsus was able to trigger Babel, that means having the innate ability to see formulas isn’t a requirement for rewriting them. And, you know, the existence of the Book.

...why would the Vampire of the Blue Moon, who could presumably also see and change formulas as other vampires do, need to write a Book that allows people to do the same thing? What the hell is in that Book, anyway? Does it just deal with True Names?

Give me answers, MochiJun! *shakes tiny fist*

oh geez, the disorientation was so bad it made Noé physically sick.

And Mr Paladin, the doll look is not an improvement, fyi.

So, if Vanitas can rewrite formulas without the Book, is that power also in his eyes, even though he doesn’t have the weird pupil-thing going on like the vampires, or does he work magic the way Paracelsus (presumably) did? Did the flash bang affect him, too? He’s not in the same kind of distress as Noé, but he had an instant’s more warning and DID cover his eyes. Hmm.

I do appreciate Vanitas’ panic over Noé’s plight, though! That’s always heartening to see.

That’s the frown of Bracing Yourself To Do Your Job. Because that’s what killing vampires is to this guy, his job. And he’s not nearly as gullible or naive as he looks.

Uh-oh.

Do we have a super-soldier serum on our hands here? That would explain how the chasseurs are able to take on vampires one-on-one.

Never trust the goofballs.

(i don’t think this fight is going to go well for our heroes, guys.)

Next up, CHAPTER 15!

[butwhyduh]

Best Laid Plans

Warning: a lot of cursing. Nudity. Murder.

Word count: 1436

Summary: I have a terrible plan that I roped Valkyrie along for. For @loserparker 3k challange.

So, you probably wondering how I got here. Chained to the Grandmaster's bathroom radiator in nothing but a wet t shirt and gold pants. My day could have gone better. Admittedly I made a lot of mistakes. I mean in general, but also specifically today.

I gazed lovingly at my idiot. She was chained to the sink wearing nothing. Fucking naked. On one hand, that was nice because she is fucking gorgeous. But on the other we were across the room from each other and I can't touch her and the whole "Grandmaster's prisoners" thing.

"Can we talk about how great your tits look right now?" I said.

"No." She said sourily. "This is all your fault. I wouldn't be here if for you."

"Okay, I deserve that. I just need to figure this out. Just give me a minute," I said looking around.

"Take your time, peaches," she said sarcastically.

"I know you are just being mean but I like how you called me peaches. It's a turn on. You could, you know, get it," I winked. She rolled her eyes.

"I have. Many times."

"Can I please talk about your tits because they are glorious?"

"No."

--------------------------------------------

So maybe I should start my story a little farther back. I met Valkyrie, the love of my life, in a hole in the wall in Sakaar. How I ended up in Sakaar was a whole 'nother story of bad decisions. She was halfway through a bottle of something brown looking like an angel.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked a stupid question. She pulled a knife and sat it on the counter. "Woah. That's hot."

"What do you want?" She asked leaning my way and squinting at me. I literally felt my heart beat faster at her look. She could murder me and I would say thank you. She was still holding the knife so it was a possibility.

"You. I mean, to talk to you. You're beautiful," I admitted. She turned towards me.

"Buy my next drink," she said. She downed the rest of the bottle and I felt as though I had a sexual awakening. Ever since then she's been bossing me around all over Sakaar. I've had the best time of my whole life.

Except the whole part of being on Sakaar. I was helping her get the Grandmaster new champions. I hate the Grandmaster. Like I would definitely kill him if I had the chance. He kind of destroyed my ship and trapped me in this hellscape for all eternity. But I did meet my love.

So when I saw a chance to slit his throat I roped Valkyrie into it. Actually I just got her drunk and she was willing to help. She fucking loves to drink. I love her so much.

Back to the story. The Grandmaster often had orgies. And he would invite anyone to join. And when he was getting it he would kick out his guards. I mean you would have to be an idiot to go in there for trouble because the guards were just outside the door. But stay with me, I'm an idiot and I would just slit their throats.

Valkyrie was tired of hearing me moan so she agreed. After a few weeks. And I might have watered her whiskey down. She wasn't happy for a while.

So we came up with a plan. I would talk my way into his orgy and Valkyrie would come halfway through, after he kicked his guards out, and murder them. I would slit the Grandmaster's throat and then we would steal his ship to get out of Sakaar. It would be glorious.

Except that it wasn't. I had to give some rando an unenthusiastic hand job for 10 minutes while a woman getting plowed played with my breasts. It wasn't Valkyrie so I wasn't interested. If she didn't come in soon they would notice that I wasn't getting fucked by a stranger.

Well, Valkyrie had figured out I had watered down the whiskey, and I paid for that later. But that's also a different story but I didn't sit right for a week. I would do it again. I begged her to not drink anymore because it would ruin our plan and all I got in return was "watch me."

I mean, I love watching her but this time I was right. She got distracted and it was 20 minutes before she came to kill the guards. Certainly long enough for them to know I wasn't there to fuck. And I stabbed another rando who tried to get all in my ass. So I had to fight, a lot. By the time she came in I had stabbed 3 people and unfortunately none were the Grandmaster. I was sporting a black eye, a cut on my arm, and probably a broke rib. There was also a huge fucker with my knife stuck in his giant stomach. My favorite knife.

Valkyrie came in all her glory. Seriously, I could wax poetry at her beauty. And the murder was also hot. She came in slicing and dicing with her sword. I got a punch on the jaw for watching. Worth it.

So I had to murder the big guy. He had my knife now in his hands. I fucking hated that. I ran behind him and jumped on his back. It might have been a mistake because that fucker started bucking like a bull. And I was flung into a vase that was big as shit. I might have passed out for a minute. Or until we woke up chained to a bathroom.

I woke to water dripping on my body. I was fully clothed. Thank Odin. But Valkyrie was fighting like a naked cat and was being chained to the sink. She had busted the shower faucet and it sprayed the room. I tried to get up but was chained down too.

"Don't hurt her," I screamed. She was so tough but I didn't want her hurt. Despite the fact that she was usually rescuing me, I would definitely die for her.

"What do you think I'm doing? I just took off the bloody clothes so it wouldn't ruin my bathroom," the Grandmaster said bewildered at the accusation. He clearly hadn't removed anything from anyone personally. Another blessing was that he was fully dressed too. "I'll be back for punishment later. I'm not feeling the vibe of the room."

He swept from the room with the rest of his goons behind. Valkyrie looked at me in anger. It was terrifying but also I was super turned on. I mean, she often scared me while naked.

And now we are all caught up.

And I needed to get out of these chains to save the day. My love looked cold. And I was tired of being wet.

As if from Valhalla, or maybe Hel, a tall man in full leather walked in the room. He had the air of someone who loved trouble. He completely ignored me and walked in front of Valkyrie. Who gave him her "I can murder you" look. The one I fell for.

"I think I can be of some assistance," he said. She simply raised an eyebrow.

"You have something I want and I can release you both. We can simply switch and we can both be happy," he said coyly.

"What do I have that you want?" Valkyrie asked warily.

"The ring upon your dear love's finger. That is all I want." I looked to my hand. So it might be the most precious thing I've ever owned but I'd rather we be alive.

"Why do you want that one? There are many fine gems to chose here."

"Sentimental value," he shrugged. I could see her face about to say no.

"We'll take the deal. Release me and the ring is yours," I quickly said. I wasn't about to let us die over a ring. The man pulled a key from his pocket and untied me and grabbed the ring from my finger. Valkyrie glared at us both. He untied her and walked to the door.

"Bring him a competitor and he'll forgive you. He did for me," and he left. I crawled to Valkyrie to hug her only to receive a slap to the face. Yeah, I probably deserved that.

We just needed to regroup and come up with another plan. And to get my knife. We climbed out the bathroom window and she stole some clothing. It was kinda the best day ever.

[aroaceconfessions]

How do you know you're asexual when you haven't had boyfriend or girlfriend?

The short answer is that you don’t feel sexual attraction, but for a lot of people it’s difficult to define a feeling that you haven’t felt. Generally, if you don’t know if you’ve felt sexual attraction, then you probably haven’t, and you might be asexual (unless you’re, like 10, but that’s a whole nother story that I won’t get into). 

I feel like a lot of people are under the assumption that you need to have sex with a bunch of people to know if you’re attracted to them and that’s just..not true. For some people their journey to understanding their identity might involve that, but the majority of people don’t have to have sex with someone to know whether they want to. 

Suppose we’re at a grocery store, specifically the cake section. There are a lot of cakes at this grocery store. Most people know what kinds of cakes they like. They don’t have to know what every cake here taste like for them to know which cakes they would like to buy. Some people will want chocolate cake. Some people will want vanilla. Some people are cool with either. Some people are cool with anything as long as they get cake. Some people are on a diet, they might want the cake, but choose not to eat it. 1% of people cannot look at all of these cakes and say that they want any of them, they’re just not feeling like a cake person.If they ate cake they may or may not enjoy it, but they don’t look at a cake and want to eat it.

Asexuals are the people that can look at world full of people (cakes) and not feel sexual attraction (want to eat it).

I’ve compiled a list of things I think are common ace experiences, just because I feel like I’ve seen so many for other identities but none for aro/ace people, and I think it might be helpful (accompanied by a few stories):

Being confused when people describe others as “hot” or “sexy”. When I was about 12, I started watching this reality/game show with my friend, and she once said that she hoped a specific guy would win because “he’s hot”. I remember being particularly confused by this. I have never felt the desire/need to describe someone in this way.

You might prefer to use “cute” to describe a person you want to date/kiss/cuddle/etc with.

You’re playing truth or dare with your friends, and you choose truth and they’re like “who do you have a crush on?” or “who’s the hottest guy in class?” and you are genuinely confused when they think you’re lying when you say “no one”. 

You read bios on dating apps. I’ve been using dating apps for about 2 years, and I’ve never swiped right/liked someone without reading their bio. From what I’ve gathered, allosexual people are generally the opposite. I frequently read bios that just say “no one reads these so I’m not going to write one”. Alternatively, you might just think swipe culture is “weird”, or just not for you.

You “choose” people to be attracted to. I remember one day in 6th grade deciding that I would be attracted to Jack, because Jack was this tall athletic “hot” blond guy, and that’s what society/media/other students found attractive. 

You might find yourself choosing a famous person to be attracted to, especially if you’re afab/female-aligned person. When I was 13-16ish I would describe myself as a “fangirl” and I look back at it now and I can’t help but cringe. Not because I don’t think teenage girls should like things, but because I felt like I was supposed to just be obsessed with all of these 30-something famous dudes. I was about 15/16 when I started identify as asexual, and that’s when my interest in these things faded, because I stopped unconsciously telling myself that I was supposed to find these people attractive.

Awhile ago I saw a post describing common lesbian experiences, and I remember one of them saying “Of course I’m straight! I’ve never met a guy in real life that I have wanted to have sex with but *some actor named Chris* is so hot!! I’m so straight” and as an asexual person, I can relate to this on a spiritual level.

You tell people that you have really high standards in terms of relationships/who you’re attracted to.

You feel “neutral” about how everyone else looks. It’s how I’d imagine straight people feel about the same gender, except I feel it towards everyone. I could acknowledge that Jack was on some level attractive, but it was similar to the way that straight men could acknowledge that other dudes are attractive.

You might identify as bisexual or pansexual first. For awhile I identified as bisexual/pansexual, because a person’s gender wasn’t a factor in who I was sexually attracted to, but it turns out that was because I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone at all.

Any romantic/future/sexual fantasies involve you and a featureless being (or you watching two featureless beings). You cannot describe your “dream person” specifically, just with vague statements like “they have skin”.

Wanting to be the cool aunt/uncle. 

Alternatively, wanting to settle down with your best friend and 4 cats. You might have seriously considered marrying them for tax benefits.

Being very confused about the idea of sending/receiving dick/boob/whatever pics.

Butts confuse you. Not their purpose (maybe their purpose?), but you just don’t understand why they’re attractive. I have asked my non-ace friends why butts are attractive, I still don’t get it.

Having your first actual crush on a real, attainable person way later than everyone. I don’t think I actually liked anyone for real until I was around 17.

The most common thing that I’ve read is feeling “broken” because you don’t feel attraction the same way as others, if at all. Alternatively, growing up I just thought everyone else was weird. I’ve seen a few people describe it as if sexual attraction was some kind of inside joke that the rest of the world was in on but you.

Those are all of the things I can think of at the moment, but if anyone has anything to add, please do! Keep in mind that a lot of these are related to my experiences as a panromantic asexual girl, so someone could be asexual and experience none of these, and some people might experience all of these and not be asexual. I hope it is of use to you!