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Going into 2nd semester (morning MATH class and then sea vertebra class until 5pm) right after insane nighshift (sat down at 3am, been here since 7pm) 😍💕
#uni adventures#can't wait to see my work schedule for march!!!#tbh i am the one at fault i could have asked for more time off but i didn't!!!#because moneeeey and can't have time to think or sit down!!! better keep working and walking somewhere and doing stuff!!!#also gotta get paid for my insomnia!!!#<i am totally right in the brain#but i am going to complain about things!!!#my uni class schedule is insane tho don't know who sucked whos dick but bro#from 7am to 9pm are you guys insane? is anyone normal? do you want to touch some water?
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Most unhinged moment in TWST Wonderland that made you go:
I love this game.
can I just say the entire front half of episode 7 chapter 8, because everything about it was BONKERS in the most absolutely delightful way. genuinely this might have been the funniest single update yet. we got Idia's directorial debut! big stronk Epel! and. just. gestures to the entirety of SavanaRook. (then Vil went into a spiral of murdering people that culminated in punching the manifestation of his own insecurity in the face, and that was good in an entirely different kind of way, but I digress)
if I have to pick one though, I'm gonna go with Idia's video, because 1) adorable, 2) seriously just look at it, and 3) I did legit have to replay that subchapter on account of laughing over most of it the first time. truly Idia is the artistic genius of our generation.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#idia has a bfa now#anyway yeah sorry i haven't been around much but rest assured#episode 7 is still chewing my brain into tiny little pieces#i think chapter 5 is still my favorite part (meleanor...) but 8 was a VERY close second#a perfect encapsulation of twst being totally unhinged bananas comedy right up until it suddenly isn't and it's like OH#and i am SO excited for where it looks like it's going!!!!!#you know on top of that we're assembling the perfect youtube channel#idia will produce and lilia and epel will present with their enormous muscly vtubersonas#(lilia convincing epel to vtube with him also works as an answer to this question tbh)
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saw @chez-cinnamon's absolutely BANGER butterfly!Howdy design and couldn't resist! two fluffy flutterbyes <3 solidarity
#still unsure of Why this was the only pose that came to mind but! who am i to deny the brain what it wants#i also have no idea what it is about butterflies and mullets + extra fluff#it just feels Right.#oh also if you haven't checked out chez-cinnamon's Real World au uhhhh Go Do That!!!#its fun! its funky! its fresh! its got a lot of great art! its got a Comic!#emphasis on a Lot Of Great Art!#i will admit im emotionally invested in the plot. its reeled me in. im Fascinated by it#also(x2) i Cannot get over how swagtastic that butterfly howdy design is#like!!! look at it!!! the colors the patterns the WINGS agh the wings <3<3<3#truly a unique and creative design that im totally not jealous of ahaha what-#kidding im Kidding. or am i... i am i am#scribble garnish#yassified howdy <3#welcome home#alrighty its officially 2 am i needed to be asleep uhhhhh three hours ago#gonna queue this up and conk out. while lovingly thinking of chez-cinnamon's butterfly howdy my fucking GOD#cant get over how Gorgeous he is#the facial patterns.... the colors.... immaculate#top tier design i am Taking Notes#ok ok sleeping now. Sleeping. snz snork mimi and all that. etc
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Adivinen quien al fin dibujo algo? Wich means I'm back baby!
Its not perfect (like everything I made), but I just love drawing comic-like-stuff, I get to relax more. I dont try to do the lines perfectly or the super accurate anatomy (mostly cause I dont know shit about anatomy at all) and also get to be more simple in the colors, wich helps cause I struggle making colors a lot.
I missed drawing my babies...but why did I drawing them like that? XD I swear...I think I should have seen some reference cause I totally change the way I draw the Burger Babys which is crazy for me XD
Now...is this an AU, is this them as teenagers, why is Louise working on Aplebees? Well I didnt put an exact age for the guys here, they could be 16 or 19 I dunno.
This is solely based on this post from @zer0ogravity I lmao with this and totally need it to draw it.
btw I from Latam, I didn't knew what Applebees was until making this comic so if Applebees dont look like this sorry.
#bob's burgers#my art#bobs burgers#im back#I have been drawing other stuff#but this is the one I get to finish#is kinda...not clean(?)#but hey is funny#...#at least the dialogue#hope you like it#love the dynamics here#Im totally sure that when Louis get old enough to swear#she would do it all the time#just because#and this got me thinking Gene could be a great#they are such a foodie he would want just the fresh-esh ingredients#Oh! like Bob in that halloween episode#he was so excited abouth the beekeeping#my poor man#XD#and Tina is just me ordering anything#I have to rehearse exactly what am I gonna order#and if they tell me we dont have this would you want to changed it with this?#my brain literally explode#so everytime I get my order right I congratulate myself#and get high five if any of my family or friend is with me#did you miss my excess of tagging?#love you all
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Fall Unto Me (part four)
Part one, part two, part three
The end of Angel!Angel and Demon!Ren yayyyy I'm sooo excited to have the rest of my brain back!!! IT'S FINALLY OVER (mostly).
A very long and nonsensical string of writing thoughts and notes on it will be posted much later. Also if anyone wants to ask questions I can answer them in the infodump or on discord if you want a more immediate response... I hope you enjoy da finale 👉👈 sorry this is my baby i really love talking about it but it was impossible til now fjdslkjflks
cw// religious themes
14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI
That mundane, quiet night had taken a turn for the better. You could barely move a muscle after trying to settle your curious desires for your devilish companion, though they still remained. The books and red string were put back where they belonged before you found yourself cradled in strong arms and curled under silken sheets.
Ren had brought you to rest in bed, arms keeping you securely nestled at their side. His bare chest felt incredibly warm against your cheek. The sound of their heart beat steadily, and you moved your head to hear it better. Mesmerizing, and comforting.
���I'm… tired? Fatigued?” you muttered aloud. It was so hard to stay awake, your eyes kept fluttering. You’d never been quite so drained before.
He gently held your chin to look at you, smiling all the while. “Why do you think? You’re an absolutely ravenous angel. Were it not for that fatigue, you’d surely still have me pinned on the floor with your head thrown back in—”
“Hey!” you interrupted him. The casual way they said it had you suddenly embarrassed. Being aware of your newfound… ‘ravenous’ side was something else entirely.
“It was a wonderful sight, my love, little angel,” he sang your praises with adoration, ending at a word. That word. The one you didn’t know.
An odd little pet name you were all the more curious about.
“What's that word you keep saying?” you asked and his eyes suddenly widened. “I love all the endearing things you call me, but that one—I can't place it.”
“...Oh, love,” he whispered, muffled as they leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of your head. “I’m so sorry. I won't use it anymore.”
“Huh? Is it something bad?” You weren't sure what he meant by that, but you knew well and good they'd never say something cruel to you, let alone call you by a cruel word. Nonsensical as the question was, no other reason came to mind.
“Not at all. It's my favorite word,” his voice was soft, almost heartbroken. “I didn't think you'd forget it so soon… I'll tell you when you're ready, I promise. For now, you only need to rest.”
A simple nod in response on your part. You accepted the answer so easily. There was nothing to worry about anymore. With how exhausted you were from the act, sleep was a natural decision. You could talk in the morning. Or any morning after, you no longer minded. Eventually you'd leave, so what was another few days or weeks?
You settled in and closed your eyes, lulled to sleep by their heartbeat in your ear.
💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤
Cold. You woke up cold. Jolted awake from your own nightmare of falling, drowning in the endless clouds that you once walked upon with ease, only to land in the depths of the freezing ocean below you. With a hushed gasp, you sat up in bed.
The devil was asleep right beside you. Pink hair stained with eerie grays from the moon’s glow through the open window, horns so dark they almost blended into the shadows, ghastly inked patterns that crawled from their shoulders down to their hands.
One of his was laced tightly with yours.
You trembled as you slowly pried his fingers away, crawled backwards on the bed until you felt nothing under you and almost fell like that cursed dream.
But the same hands you struggled to get away from caught you. You found instant comfort in his touch, despite the disgust that climbed up your back when you woke—where did it come from? Why were you even trying to get away?
“I've got you, it's alright,” Ren murmured softly. He guided you to stand, wrapping a wrinkled shirt over your naked shoulders along with his arms. You held on as tight as you could. Your fingers were shaking.
“I need to—I need to go, Ren. Now,” you gasped into his chest. Your entire body was unsteady, vision blurred from tears you weren't capable of shedding. Whatever you were saying didn't make sense in your head. You needed to go… somewhere. You could picture the place—it had sunkissed clouds as far as the eye could see—but did it have a name?
He read your mind, gently offered the word you couldn't think of, “Heaven?”
There. Home. You nodded.
“You'll only get hurt.”
“I already know I'll have to repent before my god,” you muttered sheepishly and pulled away, clutching the shirt like a cloak. His knowledge was vast as ever, but what did a demon know of heaven’s affairs?
“No, little angel. If you even make it that far,” they cursed the realms under their breath and followed as you left the room in a sudden hurry. “They'll take whatever is left of your halo and wings.”
You didn't waste any time throwing open the cabin’s door and walking out into the cool night air. Forced to pause at the sight in front of you, you stared; the breathtaking field of flowers was fully blooming. They were finally as high as Ren promised, the tallest with their golden petals proudly on display in the hallowed shape of a halo.
The beauty only helped his words to sink in. Whatever is left of your halo and wings? You turned around, fully expecting him to be right behind you.
You were face to face as you questioned him, a bite of anger held in. “What do you mean?”
Blue eyes that only seemed paler in the night, once full of hatred for heaven, pooled with long lost grief. “You've fallen from their grace,” he said quietly.
“That doesn't happen.” You denied it quickly. Such a thing had never happened in all the histories of heaven, you at least knew that without ever reading those records. If what he said was true, it’d be common knowledge. A warning that all angels would heed.
“It does, because I—”
A bell rang in the darkened night sky above. Ren froze with unknown fear for a split second and hurriedly reached towards you, shouting something. Another bell obscured their voice, then another and another until the number grew to so many your thoughts drowned in their thunder. Someone was calling you home.
Before you even realized it your wings sprouted forth and threw the unbuttoned shirt he'd given you to the wind, bringing a burning anguish so suddenly intense to bloom in the middle of your back that you fell to your knees. Ren immediately kneeled in front of you. The pain and desperation in his voice pulled at your very core, except you couldn't understand a thing. The bells were so loud. You cried out sharply. It may as well have been silence from what little else you could hear.
A cracking noise managed to cut through the clamor of the bells above. Translucent shards of stained glass dropped from your head and piled themselves in the dirt at your knees. There was so little of it but you recognized the golden shade, illuminated by the fire licking at your shoulders.
The halo that you'd gained once the library's doors had beckoned you. The few pieces that remained of it, anyway.
Your heart stopped, then started anew. A feeling worse than the holy fire that was turning your beloved wings from feathered grace to ash. He was right; you'd fallen long before this night.
A thousand bells began to still, one by one. You could start to hear Ren again, though only a few words were clear.
“...At night… Forgive… Happen… …Never wanted this for you.”
The last feather fell away into nothing, and the burning in your back, along with the bells, died with it. All the heat you could feel was the demon only inches away, his desolate gaze fixed to you.
You blinked, tear stained cheeks now icy from the salted wind blowing across the ocean. Bits and pieces came back as memories.
The simple, towering clouds that decorated the heavens far as the eye could see. A sun that shined brightly, an everlasting sunrise that greeted you no matter the day. The library that once seemed like paradise you were destined to guard for the rest of time. All echoes of the being that was no longer you.
Something was missing.
“My… that word,” you whispered. He'd told you it was his favorite word. One that you’d forgotten. “... It was mine?”
He smiled as best he could. It didn't reach his eyes. “You remember it.”
“A little.”
“Then... let me say it for you?” he asked and you nodded. They leaned close, the word slowly leaving their lips with reverence, sadness, unwavering love.
Nothing about it sparked as familiar on the surface. But the word once belonged to you, that empty part inside understood it. Fresh tears welled in the corners of your vision. “When did they take it from me?”
Ren gently wiped your cheek as the tears overflowed again. “I don't know.”
“How—it was mine,” you repeated with a sob. You felt the cold seeping through you and huddled into his embrace. Their body felt more warm and inviting than anything around you. There was nothing—no one else you could ever reach out to anymore.
“I’m sorry. We only have eternity together, my love,” he breathed, tucking your head below his chin with a strangled noise. “I'll say it each and every day so you'll never forget it. I don't want to lose your name, either.”
#14 days with you#14dwy redacted#14dwy ren#cw religious themes#momo writing#posted a little early#i'm impatient#and i want to release myself from this prison /silly#AM I REALLY EVER FREE THOUGH?#my fingers are enjoying their break except i'm losing my shit trying to NOT write redacted stuff#that's totally normal right#if you've seen my brain leaking out in the discord for the past few weeks MY BAD!!!#<- it will keep happening
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This is random, but I have been thinking about it all day
Sometimes when other people draw my OCs who have the swirly, stylised pompadour, i.e. Bean, they'll draw the swirl going downwards instead of going upwards
And that's completely fine in fanart, but when I do it, it feels so wrong!!!
Like this is so weird to me!!!
#bean talks too much#oc: bean#sona tag#again it's totally fine if you do this! it is just something I noticed!#also I am just very particular how I draw my goobers#like I have a list of traits I just mix and match and they're all drawn in a certain way#so drawing the 'hair curl' going the opposite way makes my brain go wuhuhwhu uhhh#there is an up version and a down version and I need them to be right!!!! (<only applies to me)
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Luke @ The 5SOS Show Tour NYC - 21 August 2023
#a totally chill and calmly and rationally curated collection of photos for posterity and literally no other reason#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke#the 5sos show tour nyc#kh4f post#the tattoo alone would've been enough to make me 👹#the vest alone would've been enough 👹#but 🤸🏻♀️ both 🤸🏻♀️ has 🤸🏻♀️ caused 🤸🏻♀️ some 🤸🏻♀️ distress 🤸🏻♀️ ngl 🤸🏻♀️#that vest 👹#his entire chest is just like. there.#it's right there.#and it's hairy. unlike some other vest wearing individuals tonight so it especially hits home 👹#THE PEARLS 👹#THE MAKEUP 👹#AND 🤸🏻♀️ THE 🤸🏻♀️ TATTOO🤸🏻♀️#what a night to pretend this guy hasn't fully become my cheat lane#i accidentally wrote chest lane#so things are going great and my brain is focused on normal things 👹#also look how wide his shoulders are that's fine I am fine about it just wanted to mention for no reason ok bye#🧛🏻♀️#the 5sos show tour
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Scenario where Mashita and Yashiki were basically flirting, and one of the kids says "Oh, they're dating" to another one and it somehow circulates back to Yashiki and he's stressing about it because they haven't truly talked about what they are, and he's scared the mark bearers will hate them for being gay bc time era.
Mashita hears about it after a couple days of Yashiki angsting and goes to comfort him and they talk it out. Mark bearers are supportive obv. and yay happy ending
Am I projecting the definitely-non-issue I'm having right now? Absolutely not.
#death mark#kazuo yashiki#yashiki kazuo#satoru mashita#mashita satoru#yashita#spirit hunter#I've cried probably 3 hours total today#Same scenario basically but it's worse because my co worker and I are the ones flirting#My friend said something to our coworker who can't keep his mouth shut#And a different coworker texted me asking “What am I hearing about you two dating”#And it can go so so bad so quickly and I'm terrified#Our store manager might get wind of it and I'm scared he'll want me to leave or transfer me to a different store#or worse that the person I've been flirting with will hate me for this#And I just told him what my friend told our coworker and am waiting on his reply#And I just need an outlet right now#Why can't relationships be easy#A top that it's like the first time I've actually liked someone#And I don't want it to be ruined like this#Not me airing out all my drama into tumblr tags#But there's no one I want to talk to about it that I know irl right now#So sorry about that#I'll stop tagging#Hopefully shit gets resolved and I can brain rot again
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I feel like I'm going insane. That episode read to me as a lot more tragic than other people are reading it. Yeah they were racist and rich and spoiled and awful but they were just kids. They were all just kids. Lindy was absolutely terrified throughout the whole thing and clinging desperately to what she knew, which was terrible. They could've had the chance to learn and become better but they chose to go die and it's infuriating and tragic because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be eaten by slugs or die of exposure in the woods. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. But they chose it rather than let the Doctor help them because they'd rather stay in their rich white supremacist bubble and he just wants to help and there's nothing he can do.
Maybe it's because one of my core beliefs is that nobody deserves death and suffering. Nobody. Even the worst person on earth can learn from their mistakes and come back and change and everyone deserves that chance. There's no such thing as too late. But they're never going to get that chance because they actively rejected it and to me that's still very, very sad.
#dead men do tell tales#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dot and bubble#I am losing my mind. I am actually losing my mind#maybe it's because my brain is always telling me that I'm the worst person alive#instead of just saying that no I'm not my response is to say yeah okay and even the worst person alive doesn't deserve to die and can chang#what matters is that I'm taking the next step. and anyone can choose at any point to take the next step#and they actively rejected doing that and it's sad and infuriating#because nobody deserves to die#but they get what they chose#there's also the fact that I was raised by racist trump supporters and had to unlearn a lot of shit#which I was only able to do because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was actually willing to listen to people#the problem comes when you see assholes and go wow look at those horrible unsympathetic assholes I could never be like them#by treating them as solely monstrous and something completely different from you you ignore your own ability to be monstrous#because you're not like them you're better#even the worst person is still a person and not some cartoon villain#and thinks that their actions are justified#and I'm always looking at people being assholes and going what makes you think this behavior is okay. you clearly think you're in the right#seriously what makes you think this. I want to know your exact thought process so I can stay far the hell away from it#I've been the asshole thinking I was completely in the right and I've seen people be absolutely horrible and justify it to themselves#so I'm always aware that this could be me. I could be being a total fucking dick. so I'm going to study you so I can avoid that#also the next person who says it was because they didn't learn empathy/were unempathetic gets slapped
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!! UT/DR NEWSLETTER SPOILERS !!
(+ brain dump)
guys i cannot be the only one who can't get this out of my head
it wasn't explicitly stated but i'm pretty sure this is Asriel talking about Chara, and there's something so melancholy aboutwhat he's saying. you really get an insight into Chara's mentality about humanity and the world. "nothing can hurt you anymore, nothing can hurt anyone anymore"... it's further solidifies that Chara is a hurt kid that wants to fix things no matter the cost, even if the way they try and "fix" things is totally fucked up and wrong (referring to when they tried to get Asriel to kill the humans on the surface. like they fucked up big time and ended up killing their best friend but their heart was kinda in the right place)
also the last lines. "I just hope we'll be friends for 999 more years". is so messed up.
Asriel and Chara aren't going to see each other ever again, yet they're still going to stay "alive" for the next 999 years. Flowey (probably) can't die without a soul, and Chara is a ghost watching and narrating Frisk. they've both changed, they've both royally fucked up, and they're both going to live with that
for the next 999 years
#godddd my heART#toby can't keep getting away with this!!1!1#these two have permanently altered my brain chemistry#(yall i am shit at explaining things tell me if it doesnt make sense lmao)#also. i should clarifiy#when i say that Chara's “heart was in the right place”#i am fully aware that part of the reason they convinced Asriel to go to the surface is because they likely wanted to get revenge#on the people who had hurt them. aka the humans#so yeah part of it was to free the underground. but they were also totally hurt and angry and lashed out at the humans#theyre not evil but theyre certainly not completely innocent either#(we believe in morally grey Chara in this household)#but like i think that further shows just how hurt they are#and it reinforces the motive behind "nothing can hurt you anymore#undertale#chara undertale#chara dreemurr#asriel dreemurr#asriel undertale#flowey#flowey undertale#utdr newsletter
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dudeee
#IM DEAD IMDYING IMDHIKGBIMF IDKSNF IM DEAD#no im not and im totally rational right now about my very rational thoughts and am aware i am not dying even though my brain is screaming th#same snetence over and over#okay#i needto do drugs#goodnight weird intrusive thoughts? I think goodnight
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Me watching a show. The moment I see a lighthouse.
Brain rot: "OMG! Lighthouse AU with Dagon as lighthouse keeper and Michael as..ehhh" ... ok might need more thoughts.
Me: OK thanks brain. Now back to watching.
My brain rot: No wait I got it! Dagon is a siren or mermaid AU! Around year 1860. Spotting a woman seemingly longing at the ocean. It's Michael is watching over the ocean waiting for her sailor husband. But Dagon shows herself at some point,
Me: Yeah okay sounds goo-
brain rot: And Dagon actually killed Michael's husband and -
Me: Yeah I get it. Can we go back to watch-
brain rot: Just imagine the drama. And the longing of the two. THE LONGING!
#I am totally only gonna day dream about it#No way I can write this#but I want do read it 😭#the brain rot is real#angelfish#ineffable administrators#streaming right out of my brain
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Six Sentence Sunday! The sequel!
So... Yes. I am still working on this little (I hope it's little) "What if Baz succeeded in stealing Simon's voice in 5th year?" fanfic of mine. Because. Um. I like the potential for angst? So much angst. Also other feelings. But for the purposes of today's little snippet: ANGST.
Since I missed last week (and might miss next week if I can't manage to write something new between now and then), you get 12 lines instead of 6! Also because the snippet wouldn't have worked so well cut in half.
You already know the premise of my fic, so this shouldn't come as too much of a shock: Baz did a bad thing, and he remembers it too well.
He didn’t start our would-be confrontation with any of his usual questions or accusations. He started with my name. "Baz—" That single utterance morphed into the most terrible sound I’d ever heard. Would ever hear. Snow choked on it, because it wouldn’t stop. It twisted and writhed in the air after clawing its way out of him. It became an unrecognizable, fading wail. Only I knew. I never stopped hearing my name. My name on Snow’s lips took forever to die. And as awful as that slow death had been, the silence that followed was a thousand times worse.
(Yeah. Canon divergence begins here. I did say I'm here for maximum angst XD)
Side note: Looking for brainstorming/writing buddies so I don't overwhelm the ones I already have. Ahem. If this story idea intrigues you and you'd like to let me babble at you a lot (I am happy to accept return babble if you also have a WIP), let me know. It's the only way I get anything done, apparently.
Bonus picture of my pile of notecards, mostly to prove I'm doing something, under the cut, along with tags!
(I am posting this at 7-ish am, then going to bed, so if you've posted already all you lovelies in other time zones, consider this a friendly wave hello! Will read stuff tonight!)
@nightimedreamersworld @cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @alleycat0306 @artsyunderstudy @aristocratic-otter @prettygoododds @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @supercutedinosaurs @martsonmars @fatalfangirl @thewholelemon @raenestee @ileadacharmedlife @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ic3-que3n @facewithoutheart @rimeswithpurple @erzbethluna @ebbpettier @ionlydrinkhotwater @whogaveyoupermission @theearlgreymage @philaet0s @scone-lover @youarenevertooold @whatevertheweather @brilla-brilla-estrellita
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#six sentence sunday#I know nothing of plotting#no really I mean I'm a total pantser#trying to plot#Baz should really be giving me tips while occupying my brain rent free the way he is#note cards are involved#right?#ZOMG SIMON LOSES HIS VOICE LIKE ARIEL IN THE LITTLE MERMAID#only I'm not writing a mermaid story#that's artsyunderstudy#no really you should go check out her sexy billowy shirt baz#are you seriously still reading my tags?#you're my hero#(I am so freaking tired)#baz pitch#simon snow#simon snow series#the simon snow trilogy#carry on#simon snow fanfic#snowbaz#canon divergence#jodofic
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also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.
#not to put too fine a point on it but that’s what happened with the whole is Maria going to become a nun question tbh#and I needed a counselor to say to me objectively and yet also crucially without any knowledge of me or my past:#you have overthought this and now you’re terrified of it#anyway it’s so obvious but it came home to me today. slowly.#like it was just like. Oh. You did it again#you’re terrified of this because you have thought of every possibility and every outcome and every twist and turn and shadow—-#until it has become a bloated demon in your mind that is totally separated from reality#while made up of real facts and details! and tbh I know it’s a common problem#but the anxiety chokehold I can put myself in is something that is so impressive and so disturbing#I can render myself absolutely helpless through the meanderings of my own thoughts#and what makes it worse—immeasurably worse—is that I get OUT of problems through careful thought and analysis#I’m programmed that way#so I can’t escape it by the usual means. I have to back away from the monster and see it and NAME it and then it can die away.#and only THEN can I apply my usual ways of going about things. I don’t know it just all clicked today#these past few days have just been bringing it all to a fever pitch for me#anyway I guess it’s also important to me that I still be allowed to be analytical about it!!! I have to use my brain!!!!!!!#in my desperation I have tried to shut it off to feel only with my heart. To try to catch the whisper of God’s voice in the wind#but tbh I am meant to use the gifts I have! But only in the right context#and that’s only after the demon has been killed or more accurately —deflated#my counselor has been so good about this tbh. she’s so matter of fact and blunt and salt of the earth and also she sees how my mind works#and wants me to be able to use it!!#so I’m just going to tell her that I did the bad thing with this other problem and can she help me find a way forward#ANYWAY THE MONSTERS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST TREES
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have to write a 2000 word essay by next sunday. all i can think about is how much i am looking forward to uni being over for the year. in order for uni to be over for the year i need to finish the 3 remaining assessments. but i have no motivation to go and do those assessments because i am stuck thinking about how much fun i will have when i no longer need to do assessments. predicament.
#og#everybody wish me luck#im gonna try and put music on and put clothes away to get into the mood of doing things#then im going to just work on the outline of the essay with sources and stuff in the right paras#and ill look over a diff assessment that i finished writing to make sure it still sounds good before doing the next part#and that will be all for today#i am hoping to at least do that one thing with the essay#please brain work with me here#it is a 45% essay#i can do this#i can totally do this
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