#<-guy who pretends build new world doesnt exist

[kamenridergaysex]

quick sento sketches i did between other drawings

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

[steves-on-a-plane]

Better Together

Words: 2042 Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader   Request: “Hello, favorite blog writer! :) I may also request a Bucky Imagine where maybe he's your Ex (breaking up cause of he doesnt want to get you in danger cause of the avengers) but he is lost without you and totally changed in the bad way, but you feel the same.. then one night he wants to leave the Avengers behind but Steves get you there and you convince him to stay while hes already on his bike.. then you talk, decide to give your love another chance annnd end up in bed :) hehe. THAAANK YOU DOLL” - Anon Summary: Steve Rogers comes knocking on Reader’s door in the middle of the night. He shows her a note from her Ex Bucky who plans on leaving the Avengers and starting a new life. Steve thinks Reader is the only one who can convince Bucky he’s already where he belongs.

You woke up in the middle of the night. You’d been tossing and turning most of it but that was nothing new. You’d been having trouble sleeping ever since he broke up with you. He said he was doing it to protects you. A part of you knew that his concerns were genuine. He always said he loved you and you could tell when you looked into his eyes that he meant it. Being the significant other of an Avenger had its risks. That was why Clint had kept his entire family secret, even from the rest of the team. There was plenty of news footage to act as proof of the dangers Tony had put Pepper in.

The only difference between you and Laura Barton or Pepper Potts, was that you knew what you’d signed up for. You didn’t know Bucky before the Winter Soldier. You’d only been a part of his journey after he tried to separate himself from that persona. It wasn’t as if you’d lived a normal life together for some time and then he happened to get invited to join at team that put the world at danger just as often as it saved it. But, just like the first time he’d told you he loved you, once Bucky decided to leave, there was no changing his mind.

It had been roughly three months since he’d left. He’d asked the others to stay away to help keep you safe, so when Bucky left most of your friends did too. They all had loved ones of their own and they knew they’d do anything to protect them. The team didn’t agree with Bucky’s decision, but they at least tried to respect it. You wished they had respected you enough to ask for your opinion instead of treating you like a child too fragile to handle yourself.

Your throat felt scratchy and dry. You decided to get up and get a drink of water. It wasn’t like you were going to be going back to sleep any time soon. You ambled into the kitchen letting loose a loud yawn. You rubbed your eyes and made your way over to the sink. You’d just been about to fill a glass with tap water when you heard a knock on your apartment door. Your eyes glanced over at the microwave. It was four in the morning.

“Who in the world…?” You abandoned your task at hand to peek through the peephole. Steve Rogers was standing in the hall. He and Sam were the only ones who didn’t abide by Bucky’s no contact rule. They both told you many times and on separate occasions that they were sure Bucky would come to his sense soon. You opened the door and motioned for Steve to step inside.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be awake.” He confessed as you closed the door behind him.

“Couldn’t sleep.” You shrugged. You folded your arms over your chest. “Shouldn’t you be at the compound pretending I don’t exist?”

“Probably.” Steve shrugged. “You know he’s just doing what he thinks is best.”

“Yeah, but you know that just because he thinks it’s best that doesn’t make it the only option, right?” You sighed.

“Believe me, I do. That’s why I’m here actually.” Steve confessed. “He’s leaving, [Y/N]. He packed all his things at the compound. He left me a note.” Steve handed over a piece of paper that looked like it had in fact been scratch across in Bucky’s impatient font. You looked down at the note and began to scan it quickly.

“Rogers, By the time you’re reading this, I’ll already be gone. Don’t bother trying to follow me. I appreciate everything you’ve tried to do for me over the years, but I need a fresh start, a real fresh start. You’ve been the best friend I could have ever asked for but this is the end of the line Pal. -Buck.”

“You have any idea where he may be going?” Steve questioned. You looked up at Captain America. His brows were knit together with worry. His lips were turned down into a frown that didn’t seem appropriate on the face on the Star-Spangled Man.

“Actually, yeah. Are you sure we should go after him, Steve? He seems pretty sure that this is what he wants.” You hesitated.

“Well, he seemed pretty sure that calling things off with you was what he wanted too.” Steve told you. “He’s been a mess without you, [Y/N]. He’s been second guessing every decision he’s made. He’s been short tempered. He doesn’t sleep well. He won’t talk with anyone unless it’s about work. I Think you’re the only one who can convince him to stay.”

“I couldn’t even convince him to stay with me, Steve.” You disagreed. “But maybe together we can prove to him that he’s better off with the team than he would be alone. I’ll get my coat.”

Steve programed the address you gave him into his car’s GPS. The directions led to a log cabin in Virginia that Bucky had purchased a few years ago. Steve parked his car in the driveway. It didn’t look like Bucky had arrived yet.

“I didn’t even know he had this place.” Steve gaped. “You’re sure this is where he’ll come?”

“This would be my best guess. It was supposed to be a secret. He got the idea from Clint.” You told him. “He wanted a place to hide in case he ever lost control again.”

“Why did he tell you about it?” Steve asked. He was clearly a little hurt that his lifelong best friend had trusted you with such a big secret.

“At the time, he told me that if he ever lost control again, I’d be the only one who would be able to pull him out of it. You think you can handle this?” You questioned.

“He’d do the same for me.” Steve said before getting out of the car. You followed after him, the two of you began to walk the perimeter of the house, looking for any indication that Bucky may have already been there and left. After only a few minutes you heard the familiar purr of a motorcycle. You turned a corner as Bucky cut the engine. Because it was still dark out, he didn’t see you or Steve at first. However, he certainly recognized his best friend’s vehicle.

“How the hell did you find me, Rogers?” Bucky mumble to himself.

“A little bird told me.” Steve confessed, He stepped closer to Bucky, which activated a motion sensor light above Bucky’s garage.

“That makes sense.” Bucky sighed when he saw you standing next to Steve.

“Can we talk?” You wondered, stepping closer to him.

“We have talked, [Y/N].” He answered. “I don’t have anything else to say. To you or him.” He nodded at Steve. He tried to walk past both of you towards his front door. You reached out for his wrist to stop him but you fingers only brushed against cool vibranium. He continued walking.

“Well, I do.” You called after him. That seemed to catch his attention briefly. He looked back at you over his shoulder.

“Do you remember what you said, when you took me here?” You called out to him.

“That was years ago. It was a different time, [Y/N].” He shook his head.

“It wasn’t so long ago, Buck.” You insisted, stepping closer. “You said you always wanted a place like this, away from the city. A quiet place to raise a family. You said you liked this house because it had potential, it gave you hope. Hope that we could have a brighter future together than your dark past.” You took another step closer to him and pointed to a large oak tree in the backyard. “You said that tree would be perfect for a tree house, handmade like your grandparents had at their house. The kind with a tire swing hung from a lower branch.”

“That was a pipe dream, [Y/N].” Bucky argued.

“It was more than that.” You insisted. “It was a future we can still have, together. We can be together, James. We can make this work. We can have the two point five kids with a tree house, a dog and a white picket fence, and in another thirty years we can have three rocking chairs out on the back deck enjoying the life we build. It won’t be easy, we’ll have to fight like hell, but you’ve given up too much to not get a happy ending.”

“Three chairs?” Bucky repeated.

“Yeah, when I picture us way older, Steve’s always there. I just want to be prepared in case he never marries and ends up living with us when he’s retired.” You explained. “You know I’ll age faster than you two, so I like to think that instead of remarrying the two of you grow old together. It sounds weird when I say it out loud.” You rolled your eyes. You could just make out the slightest hint of a smirk on Bucky’s face in the moonlight.

“So, in your fantasy reality where we end up together and you are presumably my wife, you envision my best friend living with us?” He chuckled.

“He’s family.” You shrugged. “What else would we do? Put him in a nursing home? Family takes care of each other, especially when they don’t know how to take care of themselves.”

“Alright, alright. Point taken.” You watched Bucky’s shoulders slump and he heaved a great sigh. “I’ll admit, I may have been acting a bit…irrational, the past few months. The truth is, none of this is how I pictured my life turning out.  Sometimes I get into my own head and, it’s hard to love myself, so I can’t understand how anyone else would. I truly don’t deserve the two of you.”

“Nonsense,” Steve came to stand beside you. “There’s no one else on earth stubborn enough to track you down.”

“You know something, Rogers, I think you might be right.” Bucky smiled.

“[Y/N]’s right too, Buck. We’re family. We stand by each other. We fight together. Especially if that fight is against our own instincts.” Steve said.

“It’s pretty cold out here.” Bucky observed. “You guys want to come inside?”

“I think maybe the two of you need time to talk. Can you make sure she get’s home alright?” Steve questioned.

“She already is home. We’ve got it from here, Rogers.” Bucky assured him. “Thank you.”

“Till the end of the line.” Steve told him before walking back to his car.

“You have time to talk?” He asked you. Bucky started walking towards his front door.

“Yeah,” you nodded, following after him. “But truthfully Buck, I’m exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping great and Steve got me all full of adrenaline on the way over. Now that I know you’re okay, my body is finally starting to register that it’s five in the morning and I should be sleeping. Could I maybe crash on your couch and we can talk in the morning?”

You looked around realizing the house had hardly any furniture. The front door opened to an empty entry way. Bucky kicked his shoes off and left them in the middle of the floor. To your left was a living room with just an old big box TV & a couch. To the right, was a dining room, which was filled with bins and boxes, probably everything he’d moved from the Compound.

“I have a bed you know.” He offered as you took off your boots. “For you.” He added, I can sleep on the couch.

“Steve said you haven’t been sleeping well, you should take the bed. You need the rest.” You insisted.

“You said yourself that you’re having trouble sleeping.” Bucky reminded you.

“Yeah, didn’t realize how much I hated sleeping alone until you left.” You confessed.

“I know the feeling.” He chuckled. “Nearly called you that first night and begged you to take me back. Plenty of room for the two of us. We could both get a decent night’s sleep for the first time in months and we can figure out everything else in the morning.”

“Count me in.” You yawned.

[aristotlefms]

GREETINGS  ,  angel  .   i  am  praying  that  the  graphic  doesn’t  look  horrible  but  if  it  does  ?   please  pretend  it  doesnt   .   for  those  i  haven’t  gotten  a  chance  to  introduce  myself  to  ,  im  gianna  ╱   gi  .   im  nineteen  and  well   ?   absolute  trash  .   asdj  .  im  so  excited  for  this  group  and  even  more  excited  to  bring  you  your  scarlet  ,  aristotle  wolff  .   random  headcanons  and  more  about  his  background  has  been  on  my  mind  for  days  and  im  just  so  excited  to  share  them  all  with  you  ...  hopefully  it’ll  get  him  to  leave  me  alone  asdfg  .  i  did  write  this  at  4  in  the  morning  so  ???  if  it’s  gross  that’s  why  .   enough  rambling  though  ,  below  the  cut  you’ll  find  everything  you  need  to  know  about  him  ..  ENJOY  .

                       STATS .  here  ,  please  read  for  the  basics .  

                      PINTEREST .  here .

                      CHARACTER  INFLUENCES .  lip  gallagher  ,  charlie  st  cloud  ,   daemon  black  ,   hardin  scott  .  

                       SOUNDTRACK .  numb  to  the  feeling  ,  chase  atlantic  .  faith  ,  the  weeknd  .  feel  ,  phora  .  i  fall  apart  ,  post  malone  .  she  wonders  why  ,  astrus  .  gang  over  luv  ,  brent  faiyaz  .  wicked  games  ,  the  weeknd  .  ivy  ,  frank  ocean  .  gangstas  ,  pop  smoke  .  demons  and  angels  ,  a  boogie  wit  da  hoodie  .  

                                                                 AESTHETICS .

  pearly  whites  concealing  sad  hues  ,   collar  bones  painted  with  hikceys  ,  a  destined  path  carved  by  hands  that  are  not  his  own  ,  a  contagious  laughter  floating  in  the  night  sky  ,   the  memory  of  emerald  hues  haunting  his  dreams  ,  the  lingering  taste  of  bitter  whiskey  ,   calloused  digits  against  soft  skin  ,   footsteps  against  hardwood  floor  in  the  dead  of  the  night  ,  a  tattoo  needle  against  his  skin  whispering  he’s  alive  over  and  over  again  ,   a  soft  scent  of  cologne  and  cigarette  smoke  clinging  to  his  clothes  ,   abandoned  promises  that  weigh  heavy  on  his  shoulders  ,  moans  spilling  of  pleasure  coming  from  the  backseat  of  an  expensive  car  ,    black  rimmed  sunglasses  to  hide  bloodshot  hues  ,  his  heart  beating  in  his  ears  ,   a  never  ending  grief  . 

DOING  EVERYTHING  I  CAN  TO  FEEL  SOMETHING  .

CARELESS  ,      how  many  times  have  you  heard  that  ari  ?     i’d  tell  you  to  count  on  your  fingers  ,    but  you  might  run  out   .   enlighten  me  ,  disagree  .   tell  me  you’re  just  CURIOUS  .    what  ?  i  know  your  LOUD  MOUTH  is  resisting  the  urge  .  i  know  you  want  to  say  that  your  honeyed  hues  always  reflected  a  world  full  of  not  sorrow  ,  but  infinite  opportunities    .   possibilities  and  limits  without  boundaries  .    boundaries  you  pushed  at  every  given  chance  ,  DETERMINED   some  would  say  .   but  me  ?   i  would  say  ,  you’re  your  father’s  son  .    a  spitting  image  right  down  to  curly  locks  and  a  crooked  smile  .    that  assertiveness   in  your  heart  ?   it  was  gifted  by  masculine  hands  that  had  once  fought  the  WAR  of  the  streets               a  never  ending  battle  for  dominance  between  gang  violence  and  a  mother  that  had  a  sadness  so  great  she  spent  her  days  forgetting  her  own  name   .    it’s  okay  ,  i  know  you  didn’t  know  .  and  he  was  never  around  to  ask  ,   the  office  was  his  home  and  the  building  were  family  pictures  clung  to  the  walls  was  the  stranger  .  but   he  did  love  you  ,  affection  shown  in  the  form  of  absence  so  you’d  never  know  what  it  is  like  to  merely  survive  .   

and  i  know  you  want  them  ,     ANSWERS  ,  i  mean  .  but  when  you  ask  me  about  your  mother  ,  i  don’t  have  anything  you’ll  want  to  hear  .    your  first  words   ,  were  mama  ,  but  it  was  not  mama  who  was  there  to  witness  it  .                          that’s  the  reality  of  your  relationship  with  her  .   and   i  know  you’re  still  ANGRY  .   her  absence  was  willingly  ,   and  i  know  you  have  a  hard  time  FORGIVING  especially  when  it  comes  to  her  .   but  truth  is  ,  she  never  wanted  to  be  someone’s  mother  ,   and  it  made  her  feel  guilty  .    she  had  plans  .   and  all  of  them  consisted  of  tan  lines  and  gossip  over  wine  ,  none  of  them  included  your  sweet  whispers  of  i  love  you  .    but  her  not  wanting  to  be  a  mother  doesn’t  make  her  a  bad  person  ,  she  was  once  present  .   she  once  tried  .  and  i  don’t  mean  to  make  excuses  ,  NOTHING  could  excuse  it  .  but  she  knew  .  she  knew  she  could  never  be  what  you  needed  her  to  be  ,  so  she  ran  from  it  and  you   .  could  not  deal  with  how  badly  it  ate  at  her  .  and when  she  got  pregnant  a  second  time   and  your  baby  brother  came  11  months  after  you  ,  she  told  herself  that  it  was  for  YOU  .   that  if  she  could  give  you  one  thing  that  was  worth  anything  ,  it  was  someone  to  keep  you  company  .   it  was  IRRESPONSIBLE,   but  you  know  a  lot  about  that  ,  don’t  you  ?  that  wasn’t  a  jab  .  just  a  reminder  of  the  many  situations  where  your  good  intentions  came  back  to  bite  you  .   that  doesn’t  change  the  fact  that  i’m  sorry  ,  i’m  sorry  she  was  never  there  .  

your  baby  brother  ,      he  was  a  GIFT  .    i  know  you  know  that  .  he  was  more  then  company  ,  wasn’t  he  ?   you  guys  shared  BLOOD  but  it  was  not  just  blood  that  bonded  you   .  IRISH  TWINS  ,     that’s  the  official  term  .   siblings  born  less  than  12  months  apart  .   and  when  you  were  little  ,  that’s  what  everyone  referred  to  the  two  of  you  as  .  twins                     you   were  never  the  type  of  person  to believe  in  cheesy  things  such  as  soulmates  .  when  girls  would  intertwine  their  fingers  with  yours  and  purr  how  the  two  of  you  were  meant  to  be  together  ,  you  had  to  hold  back  laughter  .   but  the  older  you  got  ,  the  more  you  began  to  realize  that  you  and  dustin  ?  you  guys  split  from  the  same  soul  .   it  was  the  day  you  also  realized  that  soulmates  aren’t  just  the  romantic  cliche  in  the  movies  you  grew  up  believing  them  to  be  .   you  couldn’t  help  but  felt  guilty  ,    for  once  belittling  someone  for  believing  in  it  .  because  you  swore  ,  that  everyone  deserve  to  have  a  bond  like  you  and  your  brother  .  

your  nanny  ,      she  was  in  for  it   .   chasing  two  boys  around  the  house  who  could  run  before  they  could  walk  .    close  your  eyes  and  REMEMBER  it  ,    the  way  yous  once  laughed  with  one  another  .     mornings  with  syrup  dripping  on  your  chins  .    wrestling  in  the  living  room  despite  the  warning  from  miss  bailey  that  one  of  you  will  get  hurt  (  which  one  of  you  always  did  )  .    outsiders  might  say  you  two  brought  out  the  worst  in  each  other  (  mrs.  burke  did  when  she  refused  to  have  the  both  of  you  in  her  class  )  ,   but  anyone  who  really  knew  you  knew  how  good  for  each  other  you  were  .   mischievous  ,  but  aren’t  that  what  brothers  for  ?  built  in  partner  in  crimes  ?   best  friends  for  life  .  you  guys  were   inseparable  ,  so  inseparable  that  by  the  end  of  secondary  school   it  was  granted  that  you  were  put  in  different  classes  to  allow  room  for  others  .   you  DIDN’T  mind  ,   even  if  you  did  declare  how  idiotic  it  was  to  your  mother  over  the  phone  .    you  had  friends  .   a  lot  of  friends  .  but  friends  that  were  just  your  friends  ?  that  was  new  .   and  you  never  really  knew  how  to  feel  about  it  .  

high  school  ,       it  changed  your  life  .   i  know  you’ll  say  for  the  worst  ,  but  please  don’t  forget  about  all  of  the  good  that  came  out  of  it  .   the  teachers  ?  they  were  stuck  between  loving  and  hating  you  .   and  some  ?  didn’t  get  a  chance  to  do  either  with  how  much  you  skipped  their  class  .   you  kept  your  grades  up  only  to  continue  playing  hockey                    grades  were  the  only  thing  that  your  dad  actually  checked  .    you  enjoyed  the  social  scene  ,  and  by  social  scene  i  mean  getting  too  drunk  at  house  parties  and  being  rowdy  in  the  bleachers  .    when  you  looked  to  your  right  ,   you  had  a  whole  CREW  of  friends  who  somehow  stumbled  into  your  life  .  and  when  you  looked  to  your  left  ,  you  had  your  brother  .     you  sought  out  EXCITEMENT  ,   anything  to  get  your  heart  racing  .    you  were  IMPULSIVE  .   you  took  your  injustice  out  by  developing  a  CANTANKEROUS  attitude  that  got  you  into  fights  left  and  right  (  on  and  off  the  ice  )  .     high  school  is  when  you  got  your  first  job  ,  sixteen  and  tired  of  hearing  your  father  complain  about  you  needing  more  responsibility                        of  course  this  had  been  after  you  and  your  brother  got  caught  smoking    .    your  legs  landed  you  at   rainbow  point    with  a  confident  grin  and  TROUBLE  in  your  eyes  .  

BECAUSE  EVERYTHING  I  DO  FEELS  LIKE  NOTHING   

it  was  good  ,   you  struggled  but  you  were  happy  .    my  CARELESS  child  with  light  dancing  around  you  .   you  couldn’t  be  touched  ,  you  were  immortal  .   it  reflected  in  your  actions  ,  teenagers  huh  ?   but  we  all  know  there  can’t  be  good  without  the  bad  ,  and  for  you  i  wish  the  bad  had  been  a  broken  ankle  or  failed  SAT’S  .  but  it  wasn’t  .    the  bad  was  ripping  you  to  pieces  ,   beyond  repair  .    i  know  it  haunts  you  ,  the  accident    .   the  realization  when  you’re  eyes  focused  on  the  road  and  saw  a  blue  truck  headed  towards  you  ,  you  hate  the  color  blue  .   you  forgot  too  ,  that  dustin  had  taken  off  his  seat  belt  to  retrieve  the  phone  you  knocked  out  of  his  hands  because  he  was  getting  on   your  nerves  .    it  only  hitting  you  when  hues  opened  back  up  and  a  gaping  hole  the  size  of  a  body  remained  .    you  still  don’t  understand  how  it  could  be  ,  that  you  had  absolutely  no  scratches  .  but  your  brother  ?  he  no  longer  had  air  in  his  lungs  .

you’re  lost    ,     you  want  to  sob  like  a  child  with  hands  wrapped  around  you  whispering  it’s  going  to  be  okay  .    but  it  won’t  be  .      and  you  never  realized  how  lonely  your  house  was  ,  and  how  distant  your  parents  were  .    now  your  home  town  reminds  you  of  secrets  whispered  in  the  dark  and  talks  about  the  future  that  no  longer  exists  for  your  brother  .   you  left  after  that  summer   ,   in  the  beginning  you  missed  holidays  because  you  couldn’t  bare  the  sight  of  an  untouched  room  .  and  that  empty  seat  right  beside  you  dug  it’s  claws  into  your  chest  until  you  could  no  longer  breathe  .    you  HATE  your  home  town  ,  and  the  house  you  grew  up  in  .  and  if  you  could  choose  ,  you’d  never  go  back  .  so  why  do  you  ?   it’s  because  of  the  missed  calls  on  your  phone  from  the  ones  you  call  friends  .  you  feel  OBLIGATED  .   it’s  one  of  the  only  emotions  you  feel  ,  besides  guilt  and   grief    .   you  really  do  try  ,  to  move  on  .  to  feel  more  .  but  it’s  hard  for  you   .  so  you  hide  behind  spontaneous  adventures   and  the  bottom  of  a  whiskey  bottle  .    you  flash  pearly  whites  and  roll  around  in  sheets  with  women  you  could  never  love  like  they  love  you  .    you  ink  your  body  with  permanent  ink  because  it’s  the  only  permanent  thing  you’ll  ever  have  .    you  have  to  remind  yourself  that  you’re  alive  ,  you’re  alive  because  sometimes  you  forget  .   but  what’ll  you  never  forget  ?  is  that   ,  you  did  this                     that  reality  hits  you  when  you’re  at  your  weakest  .  it’s  the  one  that  screams  at  you  until  tears  hang  in  honeyed  hues  and  just  healed  wounds  are  ripped  open   by  your  favorite  punching  bag              the  mirror  .   but  that’s  okay  ,  isn’t  it  ?   because  when  the  sun  rises  ,  you’ll  go  out  and  replace  it   .     and  you’ll  pretend  that  you’re  fine  .  

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

[drabblesanddreams]

Black and White- Fyodor Dostoevsky

This turned out so much longer than i planned it to be sorry folks!! But this imagine i tried making it slightly diff than the imagines, i honestly wouldnt say its romantic tbh it also doesnt have as much fyodor as i planned for there to be sadly :(( but let me know what yall think!! also im on vacation again this time for a month so im so sorry yall if i cant post as much!!

word count: 2.5k

summary: The black and white of your world holds a whole new meaning when you meet him.

TW: Hints towards depression a lot, really depressing dialogue 

The day before he came into your life everything was black and white. A perfect world encased in various shades of grey, shrouded in a two-tone hue of barrenness and desolation.

The light that poured into your world started off as a warmth seemingly brought forth by an angel. But slowly, before you could even realize it at the time, the warmth grew more and more intense the longer you spent time with him. It grew and grew until that once comforting warmth turned into a scalding sensation, burning your touch along with the pretty pictures of your life. It burned the new-found colours until you saw yourself left in the end with no picture at all, surrounded by the darkness that once upon a time was all you knew.

In the end, you horrifically realized that he was no angel at all.

He liked to claim that he was a god, but you didn’t believe his words even from your first meeting up until the last. You knew better than that, in the end, he was more so like Lucifer.

Once an angel indeed, you suppose so judging from not only his carefully crafted facade of a morally virtuous persona but also his physical features.

You remembered the first day he came into the music shop that you worked at, his angelic features drew and ensnared your attention almost immediately.

That particular day it was snowing lightly, the white flakes gently building on top of one another until the city was a buried underneath one of the worlds most beautiful creations.

Beautiful, untainted white snow with unique patterns pressed onto each flake. However, when mingled with the rest of its own kind, it was as ordinary as it could ever be to the naked eye. An average speck who will never stand apart from the rest of its kind and will instead be overshadowed by those who come after it.

Much like you.

Despite the gloomy thoughts, it didn’t make the snow any less cold.

“Shit,” you scowled as a gust of cold air blew into the store, taking with it a flurry of snowflakes, “Hurry up and shut the door behind you, Ann.”

The person in question was your friend and the sole reason you had this shitty job working as a cashier at the music store. Her family had hired you purely out pity when your parents died. You were at the tender age of 12 at the time.

You liked that word. Died. It was straight to the point, no bullshit and no cushioning of the hard blow it delivered. You remembered at the funeral how the many unrecognizable people who had attended came up to you, choking out apologies for your late parents.

Or how they passed away.

Or how they were deceased.

Died. Dead. Death. It didn’t matter, you liked the foreign comfort the words gave you. It meant that the world you spent so much time analyzing was the same as you made it out so sure to be. It meant that one day you too were going to “pass away” and your existence would then blend into the hundreds of thousands of those who lived and died before you.

And then, you’d be forgotten.

You never figured out why that morbid thought was so relieving to you.

Ann rolls her eyes, shaking you out of your stupor and back into the real world. She closes the door behind her but not before ruffling her hair free of snowflakes, this action allowing another draught of frigid air to enter.

“Okay miss grumpy, chillax ‘kay?” she teases and it's your turn to roll your (e/c) eyes as she slips off her coat, tossing it behind the cash register.

“Besides,” she continues as she takes a seat next to you behind the register, “Your shift is up in literally ten minutes so you can go home and sleep.”

You look at her from the corner of your eye as you rest your cheek in the palm of your hand. She has taken to sorting the receipts silently for a moment before she asks, “How long did you sleep for last night?”

You blink a couple of times before realizing the exhaustion must be painted so easily on your face. The purple eyebags decorating your face must not be a pretty sight. You can feel the weight of your own existence pulling you downwards, like all you want is to crawl under the covers and fall asleep to a mixture of winter and Chopin. Today has hit you particularly hard, but you don’t let her know that.

Inhaling through your nose, you sit up right before casually replying, “Seven hours give or take”

She beams at the easy lie as she nods approvingly, “Making progress, good.”

All you do is shrug, its been a slow day all you want to do it go back home. There have barely been any customers and the shop is completely empty at the moment save for the both of you.

‘Anyways,” her tone changes to one full of pep, “Can I tell you about my tinder date? I’m gonna tell you about my tinder date” she doesn’t wait for your approval.

You snort, standing up as you make your way over to the hanging instruments opposite on the wall. You intend to straighten them up again for the millionth time, the slightest crook getting on your nerves.

She takes this action as a sign to go on, “So, I swiped on this guy na-“

She is cut off by the soft chime of bells filling the small store indicating a customer has entered.

Before even moving, you feel the cold air gently sweep across your exposed skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

You turn your head to the door, your hand pausing on its readjustment of the violin hanging on the wall.

A tall slim young man, maybe somewhere aged in the mid 20s has entered, his seemingly delicate pale hand pressed against the window of the door. His shoulder length black hair falls softly onto his shoulders, ensnared underneath a ushanka as white as the snow that has entered the store. The white snowflakes stand out against his long black coat.

He searches around the shop for a moment before his eyes catch onto yours. That’s when the air leaves your lungs and you feel a shiver run down your spine.

Never in your life had you ever met a man so…so…beautiful.

Beautiful was an understatement, he was simply breathtaking.

The most striking thing about his visage, however, were his eyes.

Purple eyes. Never in your life had you ever met anyone with that particular eye colour. But it was more than that, it was the sharp look in them as well.

You felt yourself tense up at your eye contact, something about this man was unsettling you quite so. You can barely breathe, your body shrinking back into itself as all you wanted to do was run and run. You wish you had an ability that enabled you to do so.

His eyes flickered downwards before they moved upwards to catch your eyes once more and it was then that you felt so exposed. Like an insect underneath a microscope, completely visible and naked.

Compared with his striking features, you no longer felt human standing next to this man.

Suddenly, someone clears their throat, effectively breaking the silent game of observation occurring between you and this stranger.

You turn your head to the source, Ann, who raises an eyebrow at your impolite and reclusive behavior. Even more reclusive than usual.

She turns her head to the customer, interest taking over her features as she too realizes just how otherworldly this man is.

She wears a charming smile, “Hello sir, can I help you with anything today?”

“Good day,” the stranger says, the words rolling off his tongue in a seductive Russian drawl and you feel yourself heat up. You turn away, busying yourself with straightening the instruments once more.

Ann’s got this; you’ll just ignore him.

“I was wondering, do you perchance sell cello’s here?” he asks smoothly. Your hands freeze on the cello you were adjusting and briefly wonder for a moment why he even asked when you know he clearly saw it behind you with that little stare off just a few moments ago.

Ann confirms that, yes, we do sell cello’s here.

And when she asks what particular one, he is looking for, she mistakenly points towards a Franz Sandner instead of an August Kohr.

You take the liberty of correcting her.

“Its actually this one,” you quietly point out her mistake and effectively drawing the stranger’s attention back towards you. Beside him, Ann glowers knowing that you have somehow ruined her plan of seducing the customer with talk of a cello.

You wish you didn’t because the fear that washes over you feels stronger than before.

“Okay well,” Ann glowers at you, “I’m pretty your shift is up, (Y/N).”

You falter at her statement before swallowing and nodding. You weren’t going to fight over something that wasn’t worth fighting over.

You’re glad at your friend’s dismissal, as it means that you can get away from that man’s burning gaze asap. You make quick work of gathering your belongings and making your way to the exit, to freedom.

All the while, your heart beats quick for an entirely different reason

Because for the first time you feel fear on behalf of your friend’s safety, as the distance between you and the pair grow larger and larger.

-

You’re were right to feel worried over the protection of your friend, because two weeks later under the same frigid weather, you are staring down her coffin.

It’s eerily similar to how her funeral likens to the one of your parents. If you shut your eyes really tightly and pretend for a moment that you are fourteen, it is exactly the same funeral.

Life goes on.

Except the biggest difference between this time is that this was no accident.

You’re good at observations, spending more of your life alone and isolated left you with the only thing to pass the time; watching people.

Putting two and two, you know now that this a murder caused by no one other than that man in the shop. You don’t know how but you know for sure that he possesses some sort of ability. After all, you don’t what sort of weapon could make that kind of wound in her head.

Currently, you’re the only one left in the graveyard. The sun is setting soon but you pay no mind to that fact and instead tilt your head upwards, watching the snow lightly fall around you and, on the coffin, -Ann’s coffin.

You hear the familiar sound of shoes treading on snow, but you don’t bother looking to see and instead focuses on the number of snowflakes covert he lid of the coffin.

“What a miserable affair,” a voice sighs, the smooth Russian accent unforgettable to you, “Wouldn’t you agree?”

You turn your head to see the devil himself, you should be vengeful and raging right now. A small part of you wants to jump at him, tearing his pretty face apart with your nails and to just watch the blood draw and spill. But as quick as that thought appeared, it disappears for at the moment you just don’t care.

You have nothing left. The logical part of you know that’s it will not bring her back; the only family you had left. You have nothing anymore.

But this time your anxiety is non-existent, you don’t feel afraid. In fact, you don’t feel much of anything at the moment.

From your apathy or the cold, you’re not quite so sure which. You close your mouth before opening it once more.

“It wasn’t sad,” you simply say, relishing in the slightest sign of surprise that registers on his handsome face. You look deeply into those purple hues of his, admiring for a moment before you continue, “It was boring.”

You turn your head back to the coffin and blankly blink at the slight buildup that you have missed.

“Boring,” he repeats, “Such is the debility of human existence, such things take the liberty of latching onto my heart from time to time”

You let his words sink for a moment.

“No, it doesn’t,” you softly deny, “Not to you” “May I perhaps ask why?”

You turn your head to him, the first sign of emotion crossing your visage as you stare hard, “Because you’re not human.”

You say this statement with so much confidence and let it ring in the air. The man takes this fact in before smirking, “Then what could I possibly be?”

You don’t hesitate to answer, “A devil.” If he is offended, he doesn’t show it and instead chuckles lightly, purple eyes dancing with joy. At what, you have no clue, but you feel yourself recoil at this.

“No little bird,” he smirks drops into a soft smile, “I think you will find that I am more of a god than anything.”

Your eyebrows furrow for a moment as you study him. He breaks your eye contact to look at the coffin in front of both of you. He then answers your unasked question.

“The sinful nature of humans demands to be cleansed.” He utters into the empty space, and you raise both brows in interest at this statement. You follow his gaze to the coffin before tracing it back to his eyes.

Sinful. How could a young girl commit a sin so grave she had to answer with it for her life? Who was this man to judge her for that?

“And what of my human nature?” you quietly ask. He turns back to you, “Oh but little bird,” corners of his mouth tilt upwards and his eyes flash as if he knows something you don’t. Your heart rate raises as you wait for him to finish his sentence.

“You’re not much of a human anymore, are you?”

Your mouth falls agape slightly and your blood turns into ice easily.

“In fact,” he continues, suddenly taking a step forward, reaching forward to caress your cheek, “You’re not much of anything anymore” he whispers.

His thumb presses slightly against your bottom lip and your eyes flicker downwards before meeting his again. Your mouth dries.

“Correct?” he asks venomlike.

You’re ensnared into his trap as you nod, but you barely register the movement.

“Good.” He steps back and his smile is back as he holds his hand out.

“Seeing as you no longer have a place in this world little bird,” he says calmly, “Come with me and let me seat you among the stars.”

You don’t hesitate in taking his hand, somewhere in the back of your head a part of you is screaming, saying you are walking into the exact same trap that your friend has walked into.

But you don’t care, because you are sick of seeing the white of the snow and the black of your soul.

If that means walking into the lion’s den of the man named Fyodor Dostoevsky, then so be it.

At least it’ll mean a small part of you will have meaning again.

[mightytwogunkid]

MCU Winterhawk/West Coast Avenger AU

I had an idea for a MCU west coast avengers/winterhawk AU, but I have to explain the AU first

 half of it isn’t that important to the plot but

So it’s MCU based  but then there’s a heavy canon divergence and some things are more 616 based

The first difference is obviously that Clint is a lot more like his more recent 616 self (think Fraction Hawkeye, Kate’s run as hawkeye, Occupy Avengers, West Coast Avengers, Captain America & Hawkeye,  etc)

Also, Jarvis is a butler, not an A.I,  since we don’t care if people think he’s too much like Alfred,  but  Tony  worked on an A.I. (or two   one J.A.R.V.I.S based,  the other Friday based)

As for the events, everything happens the same up until Age of Ultron,  where Wanda tries to get to Clint first, but Clint uses his super secret power a.k.a adopt stray, like he had on Natasha years before,  the rest of the movie doesnt happen

So 1. Clint doesn’t have a secret family hidden in a farm, 2.Ultron is not built 3. Bruce is not lost 4. PIETRO LIVES

There’s a small difference  with Captain America: Winter Soldier and that is since we arent constrained by actors schedules,  that clint scene happened

Not that it makes a big difference in the grand scheme of the AU, but it appeases my mind

Tony does end up building Vision, but since AoU didn’t really happen  and wanda didn’t put that vision of the future in his head, he’s taking it more slow  and ends up using one of the A.I he was working on as the base for Vision.

The team works together, they look for Bucky, fight against Hydra, A.I.M. Doctor Doom, Aliens  etc

Steve told Tony that bucky had killed his parents and Tony came to terms that Bucky was under hydra’s control

Also not that it makes a difference but 1. Peter is 23  and not a high school teenager, 2. the x-men and 3. deadpool exist and 4. So do the Fantastic Four  and 5. Pietro mostly works with the x-men 6. Falcon’s Red Bird is an actual bird  6. Doctor Strange is like 70 years old in this AU, his car accident happened not because he was distracted by a screen, but he was reading some notes. He doesn’t age, so he’s forever 35

Oh and Pietro and Wanda are ROMANI

Okay so about Civil War, when ross comes knocking on Avengers Towers, Bruce looks at him in the eyes and tell him “Harlem was YOUR fault” and also “Pretend all you want, you haven’t changed. For you, it was always about having the power controlled by you.”  and ross goes away

And to ensure he doesn’t come back, Tony hires attorney Matt Murdock to find a loophole to make the avengers not-privately-owned

Then, Bruce and Thor  are bff (or boyfriends if you prefer) and go on a space adventure, Thor goes back to Asgard and Bruce tries to go back to earth but ends up on Sakaar. Thor Ragnarok happens

Then infinity war, so Thanos kills the people on the Asgard ship (including/especially Loki (i have plans for him, just wait)), he also kills Gamora.  And Visions mind stone is destroyed,  but since the Avengers + the Guardians + Doc Strange + Wakanda + the X-men+the Fanatstic Four+ the Defenders + Frank Castle + Phil’s SHILED team are all working together as a team, they defeat the purple grape.

Now more important to the AU, a lot of this part is based on the Young Avengers comics, but still based in the MCU

After the battle au Wakanda, half the Avengers retire. Harley Keener comes in and becomes Iron Lad. He basically takes the place of  Nate/kang the conqueror as kid  from the comics

“[...] he downloads the remnants of the destroyed Vision's operating system into his armor. This reveals a fail-safe plan created by the android to reform the Avengers should they disband or fall in action by locating the next generation of Avengers [...] Using this plan, [Harley] assembles his new team, the Young Avengers”

Harley recruits Teddy, the son of og Captain Marvel (Mar-vell) and a Skrull princess (this au is made before the Captain Movie comes out, so we don’t know yet if Mar-vell dies  and if he does, then when but this is an AU so we just say that he wasnt dead around 2002), and Billy (who is, along with Tommy, the soul son of Wanda and Vision)), Eli, the grand son of a soldier who had received a trial of a super soldier serum. They later crash into Kate Bishop, who joins them and becomes Hawkeye. Together they bust Tommy out of juvie

Shuri is able to save Vision, but his memory/life experience is  none existent, so he’s given a kid/teen body and he calls himself Jonas

Then most of the Avengers come back to being Avengers  and Steve decides that the Young Avengers need training and supervision and names Clint as the leader/mentor of the YA (both because he thinks Clint is the best for the jobs but also to shut him up (Clint is always arguing with Captain America about how he could lead the team better than Steve))

Then most of the Young Avengers have to leave for College and they all decide to go to California together, Clint goes with them  and they rebrand to  the West Coast Avengers. Except Eli retires and stays in New York with his grandpa.  Tony gives them a mansion they make their home/headquarters andgives them Jarvis (the human) (because can you really trust Clint to take care of himself and a bunch of college kids?) (and also by then tony has already finished the other A.I which, as you already know, he named FRIDAY)

Then America punches her way into the dimension and joins the team.

And since Scott lives in the West coast too, he and Hope work with the WCA avengers sometimes too.  They also found out that Cassie Lang, Scott daughter, had powers because she used to sneak and used Pym particles  so now she can size shift.  She hangs out a lot with the WCA and joins then on missions sometimes  but she’s like 16 (she argues that that’s the Age the YA started at tho  but her mom is still protective of her)

Oh and then Thor brought in Loki who was reborn/reincarnated/resurrected as a kid, Billy aged him  to a teen to make him more powerful

So all that was the world building,  now we get to the premises of the fic

All this time, Bucky was still in hiding, in Romania, trying to figure out who he was. He’s no longer afraid of who he was, gets in contact with Steve. They have a tearful reunion.

Bucky gets along with Tony and Tony works on his arm. Tony works with Reed Richards (from the F4), Prof X (from the X-men) and Doctor Strange to ensure that Bucky is 100% free of Hydra (aka make sure the Trigger words don’t work ).  (stupid note aside,  Namor sees the four of them working together without him, thinks they’re excluding him from the Illuminati, goes to the King of the Inhumans  who just ignore him , So Namor ends up planning revenge with Doom/making out with him)

Bucky still first weird around the Avengers  and the relationship with Steve is weird because although Steve still gets into fights, he doesn't need protecting,  Bucky has yet to find a purpose.  So Steve sends Bucky to the one the guy who can understand Bucky the most, regarding mind control and also has a super power, which is “adopting strays”. In other words he assigns Bucky to the West Coast Avengers.

Which work out great because Clint is no longer the only full-time adult on the team (other than Jarvis,  and Jarvis  would say he’s the only adult there if you asked him) and Bucky has another blond accident-prone disaster he can protect.

So Bucky and clint get to know each other, bond, be kind of Dads(™), and fall in love

Oh and i didn’t say but Lucky’s there

[angeltonic]

<3 Soft Bias Tag <3

I was tagged by @neorithic aka Rose (thanks bub <3)

I don't know the rules and which bias you’re supposed to talk about but my first ever bias out of everyone was Vernon! So I thought I'd talk about him, my #1, the love of my life.

Here we goooooo 🍃

Who is your bias: Vernon 💕

What made you notice them: Svt was the first group I've really been a fan of, kpop wise. My friend showed me Adore U and Mansae back in 2015 and she pointed out Vernon to me first. I remember seeing him in his long brown hair and bandana and I said: "heck, he's adorable and now Im trapped."

what's your favorite thing about them: My go-to answer would be all of him, as he's quite literally one of my favorite people to ever exist (🙁💕) But the one thing that sticks out is his open-mindedness and perspective on the world. I feel like he's aware of society's faults and where people could improve. To me, he would also be very willing to learn more about the plights of people with different experiences from the ones he's had. I think he would be like that when it comes to anything, really, which is why I think he's very open-minded. He's up for new experiences and challenges, and would be down to learn about anything and everything.

who would initiate skinship more:   (Oh boy, I'm getting soft) I think it would definitely be me, Vernon doesn't strike me as a very physically affectionate person. But I ❤love❤ physical contact, hand holding, hugging, etc. So I feel like I'd be the one leading that department.

who would hog the blankets more:   I know for a fact that I am the most lifeless sleeper in the world. I dont move at all or make any noise what so ever BUT I do love sleeping all cosy and stuff so I just might take a little bit extra from his side.

who would be more clingy:    Im not a clingy person, I do like affection but I wouldnt describe it as clinginess. But I feel like I would miss being around him easier than he would miss being around me, if that makes sense? I'd probably start feeling it in like a week of not seeing him but he probably wont until a little afterwards.

who would say I love you first:     I think I have a lot of love and affection to give, so maybe me? BUT relationships also scare the living fuck out of me, so I'd very much be terrified, which would lead me to possibly not saying anything for a long time. I also think that he's the kind of person where saying I love you is a really big deal, like he really really needs to build that relationship and trust first before anything, so that would delay it for a while too. But I'd probably crack first to be very honest.

who would be more easily flustered:    Oh Christ, I feel like the both of us?? Vernon's ridiculously awkward and so am I. So I think we would make each other flustered and probably joke about it afterwards 😌

What cuddling position would you two have:   You can never go wrong with a good ol' spooning. Im super willing to be either big or little spoon so I dont mind, though I think he might prefer big spoon. I would also not mind him laying on me to be honest? Like on my chest, while I play with his hair. Also, technically not a cuddling position, but I love when people put their head on my lap! Like aw :( thank you for trusting me with your noggin.

which colors remind you of them and why:   One of the things that attract me the most about Vernon is his seemingly calm energy. Simply put, he seems like a super chill guy and I, the Queen of overthinking/anxiety, really need that opposite in my life. This makes me associate him with colors that are calming to me such as: light blue, white, forest green, soft grey, etc.

which season would you like to spend with them:   Literally all of them, my whole life’s worth of seasons. Heck, even my afterlife. But I feel like my favorite would be summer. To me, Vernon feels like the best friend you'd fall in love with and what better season to spend with your best friend than summer, where you're free to make all the memories you want? I think we would do a lot of hanging out in backyards, going to arcades, catching up on some webtoons in the middle of the day while eating some ice cream, or movie nights where we spend time in a fort that took us like 2 hours to make because my perfectionist Virgo mind couldn't get over the pillows being positioned a certain way or something, exploring the city or going to a completely different place we've never been to, outside of the city. I would also take him to all of my family bbqs in Connecticut, where I can teach him how to dance bachata as my mom and tias marvel at the fact that he's at least trying.

who would bake cookies and who would steal the batter:  I think it would be something we do together after spending a few hours at one of our houses. Eventually, it's gonna be baking time. I would mix everything, while he takes little bits out of the bowl cause we know he's usually the type to eat ANYTHING first and then when I try to scold him about salmonella he giggles and offers me some. I, weak and fragile for the boy, accept his offer and pretend to be mad about it.

which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react: LISTEN, half of my humor is made of puns. Now, Vernon is either the King of Reactions or the King of Barely Having a Reaction. I feel like if it was a good one he'd laugh with that silly ass laugh of his and high five me but if it kinda sucked he'd probs chuckle at me with a disapproving look on his face tbh.

which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a poptart and who come to the rescue:    V E R N O N. Definitely, Vernon. And then I would run in there, with my heart beating out of my chest because for fuck'sake Vernon, our lease isn't even up yet and you almost burned the place to ashes.

who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back:   I love, love, LOVE high places, so I would lean first. He'd then come over and lean with me but he'd pull away first and would have to drag me away too ://

what would you watching a horror film with them be like:   I love watching horror movies for the simple fact that I find them hilarious and usually laugh throughout the entire thing. At first, I think he'd be like?? why are you laughing?? someone's literally being dragged down to hell in front of us and you're giggling about it? But after he gets used to it, I feel like we'd make really good commentary that leaves us in giggle fits most of the time. Unless he's really really immersed, I wouldnt wanna disrupt something he really likes.

who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt:   I cant flirt for the life of me, I literally dont know, I cant function. I feel like if I tried I'd definitely be cheesy though. As for Vernon, he's also super awkward as I said, so he'd jokingly try to be smooth but it just ends up being cheesy and really funny.

who is more competitive:    I dont associate Vernon with competitiveness at all, he seems like he's just in it to have a good time, with good people. I'm like that too for the most part. But if we're talking Uno, Scrabble, Jeopardy, or Kahoot, Im tearing him a new one.

who would have to be given constant reminders:   I feel like we'd remind each other of things but I would remind him to do simpler things like tidy up the room, or that it's his turn to do the dishes and where the keys are. Whereas, I think he'd have to remind me of things that I forget when I get too caught up in my head like eating properly, sleeping well, and knowing when to stop and enjoy my life.

who sends memes and who sends cute Im miss you text at 3 am:   We both send memes, are you kidding. That'll be most of our chat history, I'd have a whole folder just dedicated to ones I can use in conversation with him. I feel like I'd send the 3 am I miss you texts a lot more often, cause not only am I a super emo cancer moon but I get extra affectionate after like 1 am for WHATEVER reason. Though, I think he'd surprise me with one out of blue because I sure as hell wasnt expecting that from him. But I also think he'd find other ways of showing you he misses you without saying it. He seems like the type where you need to learn how he shows his love through his actions because he wont really do it with words.

And that's the end of that! I rambled so much I'm so so so sorry but I love Vernon with my whole heart and could ramble about him for hours.

Thanks again to Rose for tagging me!! I had a lot of fun.

Im tagging my mother dearest @bright-hao , @tuanm , @jonisuh , @agustminpd  

and anyone else who sees this and wants to give it a go <3

[princepriestandpirate]

Character Solidifying for Rowan!

god this is so fucking late forgive me, but anyway here u go! answers under the cut

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

oh he loved his dad, and he thinks of him with a lot of love and respect. really, the only thing about his father that was not so great was the amount of time that he spent working, and both rowan and em wished that he had more time to spend with them. at the same time though, if rowan or emilia sought their dad out he’d always try to spend time with them. he was a good guy, and rowan wants to be someone who would make his dad proud & honor his legacy.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

his relationship w/ his mother is more complicated, mostly because she died when rowan was very young (she died in childbirth giving birth to emilia, so rowan would have been about 3) so rowan doesn’t remember her well. he maybe thinks of her with a bit of longing, but that’s more about the idea of a mother rather than the woman herself. 

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

he has one younger sister, Emilia (3 years younger). he loves his little sister a lot, partially because he was always very attached to the role of being a “big brother” and partially because he and emilia were probably each other’s only playmates as kids? they probably fought sometimes, like siblings do, especially since em always had a lot more energy and rowan just wanted to be left alone sometimes, but at the end of the day she’s one of the most important people to him. he’s very proud of her, even if she is a terrorist probably?

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

it wasn’t very strict at all but i also think he was a pretty good kid who didn’t get into trouble all that often

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

physically yes, mentally not as much? he and em had their own personal guards, and rowan was accompanied by a group of guards + marcus after his family was attacked, so physically he was never in much danger. on the other hand, his father believed in being honest w/ the kids and not trying to hide all the stuff that was going on in the outside world, and after rowan started traveling w/ marcus they didn’t keep their plans from him and let him be involved (probably because rowan would be even more upset if he didn’t know what was going on)

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

all affection. one thing that can be said for his tragic backstory™ is that at least he was always surrounded by people who loved and cared for him

7. What was the economic status of their family?

very rich, they were nobility

8. How does your character feel about religion?

he wasn’t raised in any religion so he has no attachment to any specific religious beliefs, but he believes that gods exist and it’s probably a good idea to stay on their good side (although this is changing a bit now that he’s met a bunch of gods and some of them are dicks *cough* aengus *cough*)

in modern day he’d probably be considered vaguely agnostic

9. What about political beliefs?

very anti-new initiative and pro-hoth (obv). on a more theoretical level, he believes that there should be a government to unify, organize, and protect the people, but it shouldn’t run into totalitarianism and should have input from the people it governs.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

as a kid, very book smart, which would have continued if it wasn’t for the attack on his home. he ended up having to abandon his studies to some extent and focus much more on practical skills, so he has a good amount of street smarts as well now, although they mostly focus on his ability to move unnoticed and gather information.

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

he sees himself as fairly smart, but not super well-educated (or at least not as well educated as he’d like to be), since he’s self-taught on a lot of stuff and doesnt have a full formal education

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

i think the fact that he was well educated as a kid but had to quickly adapt to life on the road (w/ a bunch of guards no less) is reflected in his speech, as he goes back and forth between a more formal speaking style and more casual speech in his day to day conversations. he can switch back into more formal/well-educated speech if he needs to (see: when pretending to be a noble) but it’s not very natural for him.

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

he loved it! he’s a fucking nerd and he loves to learn, so much that he kept up his studies even after he lacked a formal schooling environment. he also really like his teacher ms. alduri, even if she was strict sometimes. he didn’t have schoolmates though, he was basically homeschooled and his sister was younger than him and interested in different subjects anyway.

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

those didn’t really exist, he had private tutors

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

he stopped his formal education at age nine

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

he’s a spy, basically. he doesn’t really see it as a matter of liking or not liking his work, but instead the work that he does is a matter of necessity. he’s doing this work because it’ll help him achieve his ultimate goals (bringing down new initiative/bringing back hoth) and because he has a deep loyalty to the resistance for all the help and protection they’ve given him. he likes that he’s doing useful work, and he likes seeing new places.

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

all the time since he was nine. they never stopped in one place for more than a month, mostly around khajjitan (sp?) and then when he started helping out the resistance, in the desert as well, although recently he’s been traveling farther north. he travels because if he stays in one place too long he might be found by people who may potentially want to kill him, and because his job requires it.

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

this is kind of a weird question to answer, because at this point his “being abroad” encompasses… over half his life? but i would say he found his godfather, his favorite weapon, his best friend, and a lot of new skills. he remembers a lot of moving around and never really making friends or relationships that lasted, and seas of grass, and later seas of sand that go on for days. and he of course remembers marcus sticking by him and taking care of him.

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

right after his home was attacked i think he realized, moreso than he ever had before, that the world was a mean and dangerous place and that he wasn’t safe, and that no one really was. i think it’s still probably something close to that, that you can’t really trust anybody but yourself and a few others.

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?

oh boy. well, when he was very young he was in the area when the capital of hoth collapsed, and he was also present for the attack on his home where the last king of hoth was assassinated. later on, he was in the capital of khajjitan when the high councilor was killed in an attack on the city and he participated in fighting off invaders. he was also present when that one building blew up in the fishing villages. a lot of shit has happened tbh.

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

he’s pretty polite to strangers, kind of a snarky shit to people he knows better. i don’t think he’s particularly taken with the ideas of heroes, but he would model his image of a hero off of his father or marcus, very kind men who always put others before themselves.

he hates a good portion of jashtall’s government. he also tends not to like people he perceives as untrustworthy which is… ironic

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

lumley + the people on his team, although to varying degrees (he probably puts lumley, maybe peitho and honeyclaw in the friend category, while he views mies and ko as coworkers, although he’s starting to get closer to mies). he doesn’t really have a lot of friends otherwise since he didn’t grow up around a lot of people his age. he also doesn’t really have ‘lovers,’ unless you count a couple one-off flings from when he was traveling by himself or his current thing with quinn.

as for ‘type’, i dont think he pursues romantic stuff often but he tends to go after people who are a bit more outgoing than him that he can have a good conversation with/match intellectually (that he can nerd out with basically). i think he also tends to go for people who are taller than him? i think that’s a thing

(i’ve also definitely decided that his taste in girls is “girls that are definitely way cooler than him” but i havent figured out his taste in guys yet, more info to come)

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

he wants (or at least definitely needs) someone who is stable and can sort of ground him emotionally, and someone he can trust completely.

as for sex it’s…weird? because i think sex is something he wants/enjoys but he has a lot of hang-ups wrapped up in his issues with trusting others and being open with them. so he finds the experience of having to be very intimate physically or emotionally very uncomfortable and it makes sex kind of an awkward topic

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

almost none, he doesn’t interact w/ a lot of people outside of missions. when he is around people he either likes to fade into the background unless he’s put in a specific role he’s supposed to fulfill. in reality he likes to be in control of the situation and know what’s going.

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

he loves magic! so much that he studied it even after his formal schooling got cut short. he also loves history and reads non-fiction books whenever he gets the chance. and in his spare time he enjoys playing cards (which some of the guards he traveled with taught him). it’s how he developed a good poker face.

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

what home lol

as for personal taste though, he tends to go for darker/duller colors that don’t stick out too much (he likes to wear shades of blue and brown especially). he likes comfortable and inconspicuous clothes, and goes for simplicity over complicated outfits, altho he’s a fan of layers. his head is shaved, but when it grows out he has dark curly hair. 

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

he cares a lot about his appearance but more in the sense of being very careful of what kind of image he’s projecting. he doesn’t want to stick out too much, and is careful to dress in a way that will make him blend in to whatever circumstance he needs to. unless he’s wearing the very fancy clothing he obtained recently so he could dress as a noble (a situation which is very weird and new, he hasn’t dressed up like this since he was little), he tends to go for comfortable, modest clothing that he can move around in easily, usually involving layers and some way to hide his face. nothing ridiculously high quality, but he likes clothes that will last him a while.

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

he’s not really with anyone atm, all of his recent romantic encounters have been born almost exclusively out of him trying to get info out of people

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

depends on the situation and who you ask. in relationships, his tendency towards thinking of relationships strategically and hella trust issues/lying. in his job, has a soft squishy center that can lead to him getting attached, although on the other hand he also has a bad tendency towards very black and white thinking, putting a lot of emotional weight on ppl he trusts and kinda disregarding anyone who falls into an enemy category. it’s complicated.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

oh boy is he! he’s holding onto his father’s death and his sister’s disappearance, and it’s not something that he’s going to be able to forgive, ever i think. it fucked up his life too much for true forgiveness to ever really be an option.

31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?

he doesn’t have kids, although he’d like to be a dad one day

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

usually evasively, if something is wrong or he doesnt want to deal with a situation his first instinct is to run or evade.

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health? 

he drinks occasionally but not often, since he doesn’t like the “lowered inhibitions” part of it that much

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?

very revengeful and somewhat righteous towards jashtall. they killed his family and destroyed his country and his life, he’s not happy.

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

he puts a lot of pressure onto himself to live up to the roles placed onto him, so when things go wrong he tends to think of it as his fault and freak out a bit, usually trying to atone for whatever happened.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

no, but he’ll endure a lot if he thinks its for a good reason or cause. and he doesnt like to see people suffer but there are some enemies he won’t be afraid to be ruthless against.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

he’s not a big daydreamer, tends to be more focused on the moment and how he’s going to approach the future. he tends more towards the latter two, worrying quite a bit but tbh his situation calls for a good bit of that, and when he’s alone he prefers to revisit old (good) memories rather than daydream.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

almost always very suspicious, even of things that seem relatively innocuous. he’s not very trusting and usually assumes others are out to get him or could lead to him being found out unless he has reason to believe otherwise.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

he doesn’t (outwardly) ridicule others a lot i don’t think (unless they did something really dumb), but internally he thinks people who automatically trust others are dumb, as well as people who don’t think before they act.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

he doesn’t have much of a sense of humor. he can laugh at other people’s jokes but is very bad at making them himself. he likes wordplay and puns though.

41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

he’s aware of his own strengths and weaknesses on a physical level, he knows what skills he has and how he can be most useful, but he’s not super self aware internally. he’s not very introspective and probably isn’t aware of how emotional he is.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

right now, he wants his sister back, he wants jashtall in pieces, he wants to build his home again. he’ll sacrifice a lot of work and pain and hardship for that.

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

oh boy does he lol. mostly the “secretly the prince of hoth” thing, along with the “currently a spy” thing, along with the several fake identities he’s using at the moment. he hold these things back from most people, but he’s becoming more open now that he has more people that he can rely on. he won’t give most of this info up unless it’s necessary to do so though.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

very badly, but his responsibilities come first– it’s a rare occasion that he drops everything to go do whatever he wants. he generally tries to obtain his goals through planning and slow/deliberate action, utilizing help available to him rather than just pursuing things on his own. 

45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?

very pragmatic, much of which is learned– constantly moving and running away lends itself to making one very pragmatic about their actions, which even extends to how rowan uses magic, mostly picking up charms and illusions because they tend to be the most useful, even if they’re not what he’d prefer. he’s not very impulsive and much prefers to clearly plan things out before acting. “responsible” is also a key character trait of his, he’s very committed to the responsibilities given to him or the responsibilities that come with any role he has (whether as a brother, a prince, a leader, etc.)

 46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

height-wise he’s very average (he’s 5′9″). i don’t know his weight but he errs on the leaner side, although he does have muscles (his build is somewhat akin to a dancer’s build, where he has muscles but they’re mostly focused on being able to move quickly and efficiently rather than pure strength). he has very good posture. i don’t think he has any problems with his body, but he’s also pretty modest and doesn’t really want to show it off at all.

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?

he wants to come off as older and more secure and in-control than he is. whether he wants to be viewed as important/visible/invisible changes depending on the situation. if he’s pretending to be someone important then he wants to project that, but otherwise he feels very uncomfortable being looked at and noticed and would much prefer to blend into the crowd.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?

very controlled and deliberate.

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

his voice is... tenorish maybe? idk, not terribly low but not super high either. he doesn’t have a very loud voice but knows how to speak authoritatively, and he tends to speak a bit more slowly and deliberately. 

in regards to pronunciation & accent (and also vocabulary), i think it’s somewhat apparent in his normal speech that he goes back and forth between a more “proper” and “educated” style of speech that he spoke growing up as nobility (which also would probably come with a hothean accent, whatever that is in this world), and a more casual style of speech that he picked up from years on the road (he also pronounces some words with a kajjitani accent/pronunciation), he can fall back into the more “noble” style if the situation calls for it, but his normal speaking style goes back and forth between the two. 

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

his main facial expression is a serious one, trying to seem impassive but definitely kind of “on” at all times. if he shows his emotions his expressions tend to be kind of grumpy, although he can put up a front and appear very polite and amiable if he wants (although he finds it very draining to do so).

[fipindustries]

An interesting chat i had today

Anonymous at 8:24 PM

then again I have a weird opinion on education so I'm not really the best guy to talk about it, I think

Fip industries-Today at 8:23 PM

what's your weird opinion?

Anonymous at 8:24 PM

that compulsory education needs to be abolishedbecause its quite literally illegal, has actually made more people illiterate over the last century, and is actively anti individualistand not only is it ethically wrong, its economically obsolete since we're in a post industrial revolution society, so being a subservient little kraut doesnt make anyone any money anymore

Fip industries-Today at 8:25 PM

what would you replace it with? honest question, this isnt a "gotcha" or anything

Anonymous at 8:26 PM

sunday school and private schoolsalso encourage more families to function as their own businesses and corporations instead of giving everything to larger oneseveryone being obedient and going to college to be a cog in a machine is actively economically dangerous because like, now you're getting stem students out of workthat should be the absolute height of employment, youre a fucking junior scientistbut because theres too much supply, boom, undervaluedmeanwhile there's no supply of low end trade educated peopleso fuck it, get a bunch of immigrantsand like, hey, it makes sense, but lets not pretend it isnt the only reason immigrants are tolerated, they just want to make us all a bunch of debt slaves like everyone elseeducation isnt inherently valuable, its admirable for sure, but quite simply it should exist for those who actively desire to seek itmost people want stability, and they get stability by learning something they can do for that stability. Now, do you want it to be some uncaring giant corporation, or would a family trade be better?employment isnt normal, people should be fiercely independent

Fip industries-Today at 8:30 PM

im not 100% sure giving education to only those who ask for it is a good idea

Anonymous at 8:30 PM

I'm no commie, I think capitalism is great, I just think people moaning about it are doing it wrongI mean this isnt to say equal opportunity shouldnt be therebut thats it, its opportunity, not equity

Fip industries-Today at 8:31 PM

seems like a way to fall into a vicious cycle where people who are not interested in doing the effort to learn get kids who the wont be raised with a desire to learn either

Anonymous at 8:31 PM

bringing along everyone else just brings down the people who are actually serious about it

Fip industries-Today at 8:31 PM

i thinks that is more a failure of the teachers

Anonymous at 8:31 PM

well, there's a reason family names were synonimous with job description for a long time

Fip industries-Today at 8:32 PM

also how would you get out of the family trade if that is not what is interesting to you?

Anonymous at 8:33 PM

sustain it until you have kids old enough to take it, or extend your family. Leave your affairs in order and go to a private institution to learn something you want to learn. return and assimilate your new education into the family business, and get apprentices and other interested family members into this. Ideally your family should be huge, instead of just a bunch of catsalso this is how it'd be done a hundred years ago, we're ignoring accredited online schools, modern communication methods that pretty much let anyone figure out shit on their own, I meaneven thirty years ago you'd have to go to the library and hope they had the right book if you wanted to learn about somethingnow?fuck, bruh, I have the ability to just pirate a bunch of engineering books, day trade earnings into stocks to buy a bunch of raw material, and build machinery for virtually nothing at allliterally fucking anyone can do thatyou can learn how to do shit in a few months what wouldve taken people lifetimes to learn ages pastif someone cant make it with that in their hands, fuck it, they were never gonna make it at all

Fip industries-Today at 8:38 PM

problem is i see this leading to strongly tribalistic clans where the will of the individual is subsumed into the will of the family, where familes become a sort of cult and if you step out of line then peer pressure or sheer extortion through denial of substenance  will make you toe the line

Anonymous at 8:38 PM

well yeah, not disagreeing. those jane eyre arranged marriage dramas didnt come from nowhere

Fip industries-Today at 8:38 PM

and by the point you could achieve any kind of indepence you were so worn down and brainwashed by the family that getting out becomes impossible

Anonymous at 8:39 PM

if it isnt your family, its your community, if it isnt your community, its your state, if it isnt your state, its society, if it isnt society, its the world, if it isnt the world, its goda strong individual is one who knows when its time to say "fuck off"no excuses, man, people told me all the time I'd only be able to get a decent art education if I was rich and went to schoolso I gave up my education and then stood up late at night after work to learn how to fucking do itand hey, I'm not davinci, but I think I've done better than most in my positionI very strongly believe that blaming other things for your own failure is a spook, you either get what you want out of life, or you don'tso like, I'll stop being preachy, my point for the hypothetical scenario isif a person wants to learn something outside of this, they'll do it, they'll make it work somehow, they'll hire a tutor when they arent managing the family business, they'll self teach, if they really want it, they'll do it

Fip industries-Today at 8:43 PM

you should read the merchant princess, it has a lot of these same ideas

Anonymous at 8:43 PM

if they're responsible, they'll take care that anyone depending on him doesnt get fucked over and can go their own path, but after a certain pointeither you do it or you dont, either way you're gonna get old and croaksuffer with purpose, you know?

Fip industries-Today at 8:45 PM

yeah, i get you

[tumblunni]

like.. i mean.. its not even a Huge Bad or anything, like it doesnt seem like the creators were intentionally bigoted but just that they wanted to do ~historical accuracy~ but this kinda bugged me in The Banner Saga its not even anything big but it really stacks up??

like i mean there’s loads and loads of scattered lines that’re all ‘oh no the women and children’ and thats pretty much the only way they appear as like ‘oh no.’ the main female character in the whole game is your protagonist’s daughter who you ~have to preserve the innocence of~ by not letting her fight when like she’s fuckin 18 and she’s ONE OF THE BEST UNITS IN THE DAMN GAME her, and oddlief, and yrsa. ALL THE DAMN ARCHERS cos btw all women are archers and we only have three of them across two armies and there’s like fiddy other classes for men and also a species of all male giants and also the enemy stonemen are assumed to be all male and then seeing one female one is meant to humanize them just because ~oh the women and children~ and ~women don’t fight in war, they must be really suffering to start doing that~ WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR THREE FEMALE PARTY MEMBERS RIGHT THERE

and seriously fuckin ~PRESERVING HER INNOCENCE~ she’s 18 you get an achievement for either not using her in battle, or using her but never having her deal a killing blow she’s ffffuckin 18 you’re supposed to just see her as ~oh poor boo~ who i should want to protect, and ignore her own wishes when she keeps saying she wants to fight universally, allowing her to do what she asks to do will get nothing but bad results in random events and stuff first time you do it it gets a man killed man also did I mention how annoying it is that you can just randomly lose units forever if you pick the wrong dialogue option in random events?? I lost gunnulf and yrsa and i’d wasted SO MANY UPGRADE POINTS ON THEM so yeah there’s only three female characters and two of them can die in these random events and dont really have much of a plot role and then the last one is ~preserve her innocence plot~ and gets kidnapped or whatever to motivate her dad, and then even badass Oddlief gets kidnapped too to motivate protagonist and like SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE becomes a love interest for him right before this happened like seriously where was the fucking chemistry

oh and oddlief also has another fuckin wallbanger scene cos she’s the wife of the village chief and she comes out and tells you that you have to be the next village chief when he dies, because “nobody would ever follow a woman” and “i would ruin the village for the sake of my selfishness, everything would fall apart into riots” if she tried to be the new chief like.. youre just... a random fuckin hunter??? oh and blablabla oddlief is apparantly ‘barren’ so she’s a dead end to the chief line and you could provide a heir blablabla. that just makes it even weirder that she suddenly gets a romance with you out of nowhere prior to her potential death scene, when youre like.. you’re just chief cos you’re taking the role of her son... oh and then she goes off on a tangeant about how being seen as a strong woman is super bad and she wants to be ~allowed to cry like a real woman~ and its just really fuckin stupid and never gets brought up again this is what i mean about games with ‘historical accuracy’ about predjudice or whatever not having to.. like... AGREE WITH THE PREDJUDICE AND PRETEND EVERYONE SUPPORTED IT INCLUDING THE VICTIMS thats such a fucking LAZY way to handle this kind of plot

and then seriously if they were trying so hard to limit all women to one class then they shoulda tried harder to not make it THE BEST CLASS IN THE GAME that repeatedly solo’d the entire board for me while protaggy mcdad went down like a sack o bricks if i’d been able to keep all three archers instead of RANDOM FRIGGIN DEATH EVENTS, I coulda had a much easier time! seriously daughter character had a shitty unique ability that I never used once in the game, and she was STILL better than everyone else the only people who were even better were the other two archers who had a good ability too

also like.. seriously.. you could have at least tried to establish that daughter character was in need of protection... at all?? like she’s just introduced going “dad i wanna fight to defend my own damn life and home” and then he says no and THEN SHE KICKS ASS WHEN SHE ACTUALLY FIGHTS TO DEFEND HER OWN DAMN LIFE AND HOME and we know NOTHING about these characters really, except that the guy we’re supposed to like has been introduced going all ‘blablabla dont fight for literally no reason except woman’ and then his motive for the whole game is about sheltering someone who doesnt need it and never asked for it and notably he has no fucking arguments about his daughter’s childhood friend fighting in the same fight just cos he’s a dude. even though theyre a fuckin HUNTER FAMILY and he’s been fighting alongside his daughter every damn day and should know what she’s capable of. And this is just a random village kid! who predictably dies in that same battle! and gets completely forgotten about! tfw ur shitty sexism plot is wreckin things for the male characters too lol

oh and then THE FUCKIN ENDING the big gimmick is that one of the characters has to sacrifice themself to kill the big bad and they have the fuckin GALL to make this THE ONLY TIME you’re allowed to let her prove herself! the choice of letting her be the one to die is presented as “but dad i can really do it” and her proving she’s better than him so if you dont want her to die you have to shoot her down and say she cant fight cos she’s a girl and blablabla i will protect you even though you dont need protecting AGAIN when really my fuckin motivation was more like “fuck u maybe if you dont exist then her plot won’t be blablabla protection every five minutes” I REALLY WANTED THIS PROTAGONIST TO DIE i’d say its cruel of me to blame him for bad writing choices, but really he didnt have much personality outside of the sexism. just generic 'for some reason you are our leader now and we all trust you’ type hero...

and like.. this put everything all into perspective?? like her WHOLE PURPOSE IN THE GAME has been to make you wanna protect her, and then ~oh tragedy~ she gets fridged in the end to fuel our protagonist’s character growth and again its a case of the bad outcome whenever you choose to agree with her. and like it “proves” the whole thing cos her big hero moment of fighting gets her killed. (even though it does the same to the protagonist too...) and then if you choose the dad to be the one who dies you’re forced to agree with his protectiveness thing and he dies and now she’s left believing he’s right... I mean I’m at least happy they gave us a choice here! But i’m not really very confident in how they’ll handle her as the protagonist in the sequel, considering how they handled all the female characters here. or they might just have some new character take over the protagonist slot instead...

oh and also its weird that every female character is basically a different hairstyle/hat on the same model like.. a super super thin modern ideal of a supermodel character, too its not super fanservicey or anything but its weird with how all the dudes vary wildly in body build and like.. the typical viking wife character in anything ever is usually chubby, and here you cant even tell which one is supposed to be older than the other two. and they all wear robes despite being archers?? also why is the varl race all male, except from just “because theyre strong and nobody wants to see strong women” the jotunn/giants in norse myth were never all male, and that seems to be what they’re based on. tho i mean this is a world where greek centaurs and weird biological statue robots are also here, so they might not be based on anything, lol

[dewprisms]

Ok, so, to collect my thoughts on X*gb*r after playing K H III and what it reveals, i’ve realized this has fucked me up, this came out far more depressing than what i imagined but i cant deal with this

WHAT THE FUCK

I got my wish to see him in the good CGI graphics and now everything i know is a lie

first off, lemme say. when his “death” cut scene came up I was upset. S*ra and R*ku were being such assholes to him, I mean yeah, he deserves it. But then he fucking kills himself to not let them have the last laugh and it just made it look like they goaded him into suicide because he gave up so much (his world, his eye, his face, his purpose) to x*h*n*rt only to realized he was being lied to and used and gave it all up for nothing. idk as someone who’s suicidal it left bad taste in my mouth.

but anyway, it was fake.

His real name (sorta? the names are actually code names given to them by the M*ster of M*sters) is L*xu, he says he’s been transferring his heart from vessel to vessel, meaning the character, name, personality and face I’ve fallen in love with is fake and doesnt really exist, the body and name belong to some poor guy he’s possessing, assuming there actually IS anyone named Br*ig, the body’s real name might be something entirely different.

Even though he says in the Secret Reports that this name and body will likely end up being his last, the fact remains that it’s ultimately not actually him. Like, those same reports imply his entire personality we know him by is likely fake, which, the power-hungry aspect makes sense given he was doing it to fool X*h*n*rt, but the rest might just be him playing off the MoM, given how similar “X*gb*r” is to MoM to the point of being an extremely popular theory of them being the same person. Is he not really a funny, confident snarky bastard? Who is the real L*xu? I can’t wait another 14 years to find out. I just can’t. Especially with this slow-ass pace KH*X has been going at.

This hurts so much because I’ve honestly been staying alive because I wanted to know what was going to happen to him. I dont have much else to keep me alive, video games dont bring me as much joy, i can tell my health is declining and i still cant afford health insurance or therapy, my living situation isnt healthy and its only gotten worse. And now the thing that brought me tons of joy is false? Yes, I’ll see him in more games, which is great! Except, it’s not him. Because it was all an act. There never was a him, apparently.

What do I go on for now? To see what the real him is like? That it could be someone I end up hating? I dont know how much more living i can put up with as long as my mom’s bf is around. P*kem*n isn’t enough, Z*lda isn’t enough, SU I gave up on living for long ago because of these fucking hiatuses.

My daydreams have been keeping me alive and now i can’t even fucking think about them because i’ll have to reimagine them all, and the new info just makes me think he’s someone who would actively avoid getting close to someone because his mission is too important, nobody would ever know the real him because of the lie he’s been building up and even if they did he’d just outlive them all anyway so whats the point. rather than someone who would pretend to get close to someone to use them, accidentally fall in love for reals, then accept it against their will and feel guilty about it. i cant even escape to my delusions because this revelation has destroyed all that too, and i cant piece it back together in a way that actually makes sense. already stupid enough in that it involves someone not hating me and actually loving me. what the fuck do i have to live on for now? how could 1 little scene bring me such amounts of joy and despair all at once. im seriously on the verge of crying every time i think about this. what the hell am i suppose to do?

[felixdgreen]

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Domain Name Junkie

It’s an addiction like any other.

Ten or twenty bucks will scratch that itch, but the high never lasts, and before long you’re craving the next hit.

And the worst part? Nobody understands.

Except just maybe a fellow addict… “Hello. My name is Glen, and I’m a domain name junkie. My last domain purchase was three weeks, four days and seven hours ago.”

That’s how I’d introduce myself to the support group. (You know, the one that doesn’t exist yet.) I’d stand up and tell my story to a circle of fellow addicts, who’d nod their silent support.

My own addiction started with an act of vanity — I acquired the .COM version of my own name. That was 17 years ago, and owning a piece of Internet real estate was novel and exciting.

But that first domain registration, like the first high from an illicit drug, set me on the path to dependency.

The Telltale Signs of a Destructive Domain Habit

Like many addicts, I failed to acknowledge my problem until it was too late.

For years I told myself buying domains was just a harmless hobby. Something to do on evenings and weekends to help unwind after work. But over time my hobby became a powerful obsession.

I’d wake up each morning with a head full of new domain ideas and a burning desire to check their availability. At social occasions, I’d sneak out of the room to browse domain resale sites on my smartphone.

And despite plans to become a savvy domain “flipper,” I was selling almost none of the domains I bought, instead keeping them for personal use.

Eventually, my behavior became more erratic. I would buy any domains I could get my hands on — .ORGs, .COs, even .INFOs.

One Monday morning I hit rock bottom when I found a dozen GoDaddy receipts in my inbox for domains that had no practical purpose. Worse still, I couldn’t even remember buying them.

These days I’m on the road to recovery, and my mission is to help other addicts.

So take a careful look at the list below, and see if you recognize any of these destructive behaviors.

If so, you might just be a domain name junkie.

#1. You Just Can’t Quit GoDaddy

When you’re a domain name junkie, you struggle to think about anything else. You spend every idle moment brainstorming cool domains for your “someday, one day” online projects.

And once an idea has surfaced, you simply must know — is the name already taken? It doesn’t matter where you are, at work, at home, even in bed. You have to know.

When you discover the domain has already been taken (the good ones usually are), you start the search for viable alternatives.

And once you’ve dived down the rabbit hole, you can hardly crawl back out.

#2. You Lie About How Many Domains You Own

When you start collecting domains, it’s fun to log in to your account and delight in the breadth of your online kingdom.

But one day you reach the point where that list of domains is a painful reminder of a habit that’s out of control.

When your partner catches you buying yet another domain and casually asks, “How many is that now?” you pretend you don’t know, or deliberately lowball the true number.

But of course, lying is a telltale sign your casual hobby has turned into a serious problem.

#3. You’ve Started Dabbling in the Newer TLDs

In the beginning (well, 1985), just six top-level domains (TLDs): .COM, .ORG, .NET, .EDU, .GOV and .MIL existed, but that list has since snowballed.

Today we have more than 1,500 TLDs including .COFFEE, .LAWYER and .PORN.

On the one hand, domains are more plentiful than ever, and even if your dream .COM is long gone, you have hundreds of other options for snagging a snappy name.

On the other hand,  who knows how much prestige these newer domains will hold over the longer term? Nobody wants to build their blog around the domain equivalent of a pet rock.

Some domain junkies won’t look beyond .COM, but if you’re exploring the murkier end of the market (.CM anyone?), it might be a sign that your hobby’s taking a worrying turn.

#4. You Tell Yourself You’re a “Domain Investor”

When your domain account lists tens (or even hundreds) of seemingly random domain purchases, there are two ways to explain it.

Either it’s the result of years of clueless impulse buying from a click-happy domain junkie with no more strategy than a half-blind pigeon pecking in the dirt.

Or it’s the culmination of a strategic acquisition campaign to build a valuable portfolio of undervalued digital assets for future sale.

Not surprisingly, most domain name “enthusiasts” favor the second version.

But deep down, if you suspect there’s very little method to your madness, it might be time to go cold turkey on domains.

#5. You Read the Thesaurus… for Fun

Not every domain you dream up will be available for registration. The truth is, most won’t.

That’s why a thesaurus is a domain collector’s best friend. In fact, uncovering snappy synonyms for your latest near-miss idea can be a lot of fun.

But if a thesaurus has become your favorite bedtime read (you know, just in case a cool domain idea jumps out) it may be time to seek professional help.

Because — wake up call! — it’s a reference book, not the latest Jack Reacher.

#6. You Secretly Stalk the Person Who Owns YourName.com

I was lucky. I grabbed my personal domain before anyone else could.

But if you have a popular birth name, or you were just too slow to the punch, your best options may already have gone. And that really stings.

Because when your name’s John Brown, telling people your treasured home on the Internet is TheRealJohnWBrown.info is plain embarrassing.

And that’s why you secretly stalk the person who nabbed your name online. You stake out their website, mentally mocking their pathetic efforts while waiting patiently for the right moment to pounce.

Because one day, they’ll forget to renew that domain and then, my friend, victory will be yours.

#7. You’ve Felt the Pain of “Lapsers Remorse”

Sometimes you see a domain for what it is — a dumb impulse purchase you’ll never be able to use or resell.

Maybe you tried to make money by listing it for sale at a couple of domain marketplaces but didn’t get the faintest sniff of interest.

So when it comes up for renewal, you do the sensible thing and let it lapse. You even feel good about your level-headed decision.

Weeks later, you casually check to see if anyone’s re-registered it and find it’s now listed on a “premium domains” site for $3,000!

Of course, just because it’s listed for thousands doesn’t mean it’s worth thousands.

But you can’t escape the feeling you let a valuable domain slip through your fingers.

#8. You’re Considering a Domain-Inspired Career Move

Sometimes you’ll stumble across a domain name that’s so good you simply have to own it… even though it’s totally unrelated to your work or hobbies.

The smart move would be to snag it and sell it for a profit to someone who can make good use of it. But like Gollum and that damned ring, you can’t quite bring yourself to part with it.

So your brain starts to explore a future possible world where you become the person for whom this is the perfect domain.

Sure it means throwing away years of hard-won experience and starting a blog in a new field.

But finding a domain this good must be a signal from the universe, right?

#9. You Lose Interest in Domains Moments After Buying Them

Once the buzz of snagging the name you’ve been lusting after subsides, a faint sense of regret can quickly follow.

“I can’t believe nobody bought this yet,” quickly turns to, “I can’t believe I just bought that.”

And the longer you hold onto a domain, the more money you rack up in wasted renewal fees.

The best way to take your mind off this painful predicament? Start scouting for your next domain name.

#10. You Have a Conspiracy Theory about Domain Registrars

Maybe this happened to you…

One day you check a new domain and find it available for the regular price. The next day it’s suddenly a “premium” domain, commanding several thousand dollars.

And you can’t help but wonder:

Did my search alert the registrar to the juicy potential of this previously unrecognized name?

You wouldn’t be alone in your suspicions. Type “do domain registrars” into Google and “steal domains?” is the top auto-complete suggestion.

Are registrars capable of dirty tricks like this? Maybe. It’s difficult to be sure.

But paranoid thoughts like these might be the first sign your harmless hobby is turning into a dangerous addiction.

Learn to Spot the Signs of Addiction Before It’s Too Late

Domain name addiction is real. And it can wreck your life if you don’t catch it in time.

If you suspect you might be addicted, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you visit domain registration sites several times a day?

Do you lie to friends and family about how many domains you own?

Do you often “binge” and buy multiple domains at once?

If so, you’re likely a domain name junkie.

The good news? With the right support, a full recovery is possible.

But you must take that crucial first step. Acknowledge your addiction.

So repeat after me:

“I’m a domain name junkie. And today’s the day I get help.”

About the Author: Glen Long is Smart Blogger’s operations guy and a recovering domain name junkie. He’s holding a “yard sale” of the best blogging, copywriting and content marketing domains that he’s collected over the years — go check it out.

The post 10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Domain Name Junkie appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from IM News And Tips https://smartblogger.com/domain-name-junkie/

[laurylyonus]

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Domain Name Junkie

It’s an addiction like any other.

Ten or twenty bucks will scratch that itch, but the high never lasts, and before long you’re craving the next hit.

And the worst part? Nobody understands.

Except just maybe a fellow addict… “Hello. My name is Glen, and I’m a domain name junkie. My last domain purchase was three weeks, four days and seven hours ago.”

That’s how I’d introduce myself to the support group. (You know, the one that doesn’t exist yet.) I’d stand up and tell my story to a circle of fellow addicts, who’d nod their silent support.

My own addiction started with an act of vanity — I acquired the .COM version of my own name. That was 17 years ago, and owning a piece of Internet real estate was novel and exciting.

But that first domain registration, like the first high from an illicit drug, set me on the path to dependency.

The Telltale Signs of a Destructive Domain Habit

Like many addicts, I failed to acknowledge my problem until it was too late.

For years I told myself buying domains was just a harmless hobby. Something to do on evenings and weekends to help unwind after work. But over time my hobby became a powerful obsession.

I’d wake up each morning with a head full of new domain ideas and a burning desire to check their availability. At social occasions, I’d sneak out of the room to browse domain resale sites on my smartphone.

And despite plans to become a savvy domain “flipper,” I was selling almost none of the domains I bought, instead keeping them for personal use.

Eventually, my behavior became more erratic. I would buy any domains I could get my hands on — .ORGs, .COs, even .INFOs.

One Monday morning I hit rock bottom when I found a dozen GoDaddy receipts in my inbox for domains that had no practical purpose. Worse still, I couldn’t even remember buying them.

These days I’m on the road to recovery, and my mission is to help other addicts.

So take a careful look at the list below, and see if you recognize any of these destructive behaviors.

If so, you might just be a domain name junkie.

#1. You Just Can’t Quit GoDaddy

When you’re a domain name junkie, you struggle to think about anything else. You spend every idle moment brainstorming cool domains for your “someday, one day” online projects.

And once an idea has surfaced, you simply must know — is the name already taken? It doesn’t matter where you are, at work, at home, even in bed. You have to know.

When you discover the domain has already been taken (the good ones usually are), you start the search for viable alternatives.

And once you’ve dived down the rabbit hole, you can hardly crawl back out.

#2. You Lie About How Many Domains You Own

When you start collecting domains, it’s fun to log in to your account and delight in the breadth of your online kingdom.

But one day you reach the point where that list of domains is a painful reminder of a habit that’s out of control.

When your partner catches you buying yet another domain and casually asks, “How many is that now?” you pretend you don’t know, or deliberately lowball the true number.

But of course, lying is a telltale sign your casual hobby has turned into a serious problem.

#3. You’ve Started Dabbling in the Newer TLDs

In the beginning (well, 1985), just six top-level domains (TLDs): .COM, .ORG, .NET, .EDU, .GOV and .MIL existed, but that list has since snowballed.

Today we have more than 1,500 TLDs including .COFFEE, .LAWYER and .PORN.

On the one hand, domains are more plentiful than ever, and even if your dream .COM is long gone, you have hundreds of other options for snagging a snappy name.

On the other hand,  who knows how much prestige these newer domains will hold over the longer term? Nobody wants to build their blog around the domain equivalent of a pet rock.

Some domain junkies won’t look beyond .COM, but if you’re exploring the murkier end of the market (.CM anyone?), it might be a sign that your hobby’s taking a worrying turn.

#4. You Tell Yourself You’re a “Domain Investor”

When your domain account lists tens (or even hundreds) of seemingly random domain purchases, there are two ways to explain it.

Either it’s the result of years of clueless impulse buying from a click-happy domain junkie with no more strategy than a half-blind pigeon pecking in the dirt.

Or it’s the culmination of a strategic acquisition campaign to build a valuable portfolio of undervalued digital assets for future sale.

Not surprisingly, most domain name “enthusiasts” favor the second version.

But deep down, if you suspect there’s very little method to your madness, it might be time to go cold turkey on domains.

#5. You Read the Thesaurus… for Fun

Not every domain you dream up will be available for registration. The truth is, most won’t.

That’s why a thesaurus is a domain collector’s best friend. In fact, uncovering snappy synonyms for your latest near-miss idea can be a lot of fun.

But if a thesaurus has become your favorite bedtime read (you know, just in case a cool domain idea jumps out) it may be time to seek professional help.

Because — wake up call! — it’s a reference book, not the latest Jack Reacher.

#6. You Secretly Stalk the Person Who Owns YourName.com

I was lucky. I grabbed my personal domain before anyone else could.

But if you have a popular birth name, or you were just too slow to the punch, your best options may already have gone. And that really stings.

Because when your name’s John Brown, telling people your treasured home on the Internet is TheRealJohnWBrown.info is plain embarrassing.

And that’s why you secretly stalk the person who nabbed your name online. You stake out their website, mentally mocking their pathetic efforts while waiting patiently for the right moment to pounce.

Because one day, they’ll forget to renew that domain and then, my friend, victory will be yours.

#7. You’ve Felt the Pain of “Lapsers Remorse”

Sometimes you see a domain for what it is — a dumb impulse purchase you’ll never be able to use or resell.

Maybe you tried to make money by listing it for sale at a couple of domain marketplaces but didn’t get the faintest sniff of interest.

So when it comes up for renewal, you do the sensible thing and let it lapse. You even feel good about your level-headed decision.

Weeks later, you casually check to see if anyone’s re-registered it and find it’s now listed on a “premium domains” site for $3,000!

Of course, just because it’s listed for thousands doesn’t mean it’s worth thousands.

But you can’t escape the feeling you let a valuable domain slip through your fingers.

#8. You’re Considering a Domain-Inspired Career Move

Sometimes you’ll stumble across a domain name that’s so good you simply have to own it… even though it’s totally unrelated to your work or hobbies.

The smart move would be to snag it and sell it for a profit to someone who can make good use of it. But like Gollum and that damned ring, you can’t quite bring yourself to part with it.

So your brain starts to explore a future possible world where you become the person for whom this is the perfect domain.

Sure it means throwing away years of hard-won experience and starting a blog in a new field.

But finding a domain this good must be a signal from the universe, right?

#9. You Lose Interest in Domains Moments After Buying Them

Once the buzz of snagging the name you’ve been lusting after subsides, a faint sense of regret can quickly follow.

“I can’t believe nobody bought this yet,” quickly turns to, “I can’t believe I just bought that.”

And the longer you hold onto a domain, the more money you rack up in wasted renewal fees.

The best way to take your mind off this painful predicament? Start scouting for your next domain name.

#10. You Have a Conspiracy Theory about Domain Registrars

Maybe this happened to you…

One day you check a new domain and find it available for the regular price. The next day it’s suddenly a “premium” domain, commanding several thousand dollars.

And you can’t help but wonder:

Did my search alert the registrar to the juicy potential of this previously unrecognized name?

You wouldn’t be alone in your suspicions. Type “do domain registrars” into Google and “steal domains?” is the top auto-complete suggestion.

Are registrars capable of dirty tricks like this? Maybe. It’s difficult to be sure.

But paranoid thoughts like these might be the first sign your harmless hobby is turning into a dangerous addiction.

Learn to Spot the Signs of Addiction Before It’s Too Late

Domain name addiction is real. And it can wreck your life if you don’t catch it in time.

If you suspect you might be addicted, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you visit domain registration sites several times a day?

Do you lie to friends and family about how many domains you own?

Do you often “binge” and buy multiple domains at once?

If so, you’re likely a domain name junkie.

The good news? With the right support, a full recovery is possible.

But you must take that crucial first step. Acknowledge your addiction.

So repeat after me:

“I’m a domain name junkie. And today’s the day I get help.”

About the Author: Glen Long is Smart Blogger’s operations guy and a recovering domain name junkie. He’s holding a “yard sale” of the best blogging, copywriting and content marketing domains that he’s collected over the years — go check it out.

The post 10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Domain Name Junkie appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/domain-name-junkie/

[simonegaleanaus]

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Domain Name Junkie

It’s an addiction like any other.

Ten or twenty bucks will scratch that itch, but the high never lasts, and before long you’re craving the next hit.

And the worst part? Nobody understands.

Except just maybe a fellow addict… “Hello. My name is Glen, and I’m a domain name junkie. My last domain purchase was three weeks, four days and seven hours ago.”

That’s how I’d introduce myself to the support group. (You know, the one that doesn’t exist yet.) I’d stand up and tell my story to a circle of fellow addicts, who’d nod their silent support.

My own addiction started with an act of vanity — I acquired the .COM version of my own name. That was 17 years ago, and owning a piece of Internet real estate was novel and exciting.

But that first domain registration, like the first high from an illicit drug, set me on the path to dependency.

The Telltale Signs of a Destructive Domain Habit

Like many addicts, I failed to acknowledge my problem until it was too late.

For years I told myself buying domains was just a harmless hobby. Something to do on evenings and weekends to help unwind after work. But over time my hobby became a powerful obsession.

I’d wake up each morning with a head full of new domain ideas and a burning desire to check their availability. At social occasions, I’d sneak out of the room to browse domain resale sites on my smartphone.

And despite plans to become a savvy domain “flipper,” I was selling almost none of the domains I bought, instead keeping them for personal use.

Eventually, my behavior became more erratic. I would buy any domains I could get my hands on — .ORGs, .COs, even .INFOs.

One Monday morning I hit rock bottom when I found a dozen GoDaddy receipts in my inbox for domains that had no practical purpose. Worse still, I couldn’t even remember buying them.

These days I’m on the road to recovery, and my mission is to help other addicts.

So take a careful look at the list below, and see if you recognize any of these destructive behaviors.

If so, you might just be a domain name junkie.

#1. You Just Can’t Quit GoDaddy

When you’re a domain name junkie, you struggle to think about anything else. You spend every idle moment brainstorming cool domains for your “someday, one day” online projects.

And once an idea has surfaced, you simply must know — is the name already taken? It doesn’t matter where you are, at work, at home, even in bed. You have to know.

When you discover the domain has already been taken (the good ones usually are), you start the search for viable alternatives.

And once you’ve dived down the rabbit hole, you can hardly crawl back out.

#2. You Lie About How Many Domains You Own

When you start collecting domains, it’s fun to log in to your account and delight in the breadth of your online kingdom.

But one day you reach the point where that list of domains is a painful reminder of a habit that’s out of control.

When your partner catches you buying yet another domain and casually asks, “How many is that now?” you pretend you don’t know, or deliberately lowball the true number.

But of course, lying is a telltale sign your casual hobby has turned into a serious problem.

#3. You’ve Started Dabbling in the Newer TLDs

In the beginning (well, 1985), just six top-level domains (TLDs): .COM, .ORG, .NET, .EDU, .GOV and .MIL existed, but that list has since snowballed.

Today we have more than 1,500 TLDs including .COFFEE, .LAWYER and .PORN.

On the one hand, domains are more plentiful than ever, and even if your dream .COM is long gone, you have hundreds of other options for snagging a snappy name.

On the other hand,  who knows how much prestige these newer domains will hold over the longer term? Nobody wants to build their blog around the domain equivalent of a pet rock.

Some domain junkies won’t look beyond .COM, but if you’re exploring the murkier end of the market (.CM anyone?), it might be a sign that your hobby’s taking a worrying turn.

#4. You Tell Yourself You’re a “Domain Investor”

When your domain account lists tens (or even hundreds) of seemingly random domain purchases, there are two ways to explain it.

Either it’s the result of years of clueless impulse buying from a click-happy domain junkie with no more strategy than a half-blind pigeon pecking in the dirt.

Or it’s the culmination of a strategic acquisition campaign to build a valuable portfolio of undervalued digital assets for future sale.

Not surprisingly, most domain name “enthusiasts” favor the second version.

But deep down, if you suspect there’s very little method to your madness, it might be time to go cold turkey on domains.

#5. You Read the Thesaurus… for Fun

Not every domain you dream up will be available for registration. The truth is, most won’t.

That’s why a thesaurus is a domain collector’s best friend. In fact, uncovering snappy synonyms for your latest near-miss idea can be a lot of fun.

But if a thesaurus has become your favorite bedtime read (you know, just in case a cool domain idea jumps out) it may be time to seek professional help.

Because — wake up call! — it’s a reference book, not the latest Jack Reacher.

#6. You Secretly Stalk the Person Who Owns YourName.com

I was lucky. I grabbed my personal domain before anyone else could.

But if you have a popular birth name, or you were just too slow to the punch, your best options may already have gone. And that really stings.

Because when your name’s John Brown, telling people your treasured home on the Internet is TheRealJohnWBrown.info is plain embarrassing.

And that’s why you secretly stalk the person who nabbed your name online. You stake out their website, mentally mocking their pathetic efforts while waiting patiently for the right moment to pounce.

Because one day, they’ll forget to renew that domain and then, my friend, victory will be yours.

#7. You’ve Felt the Pain of “Lapsers Remorse”

Sometimes you see a domain for what it is — a dumb impulse purchase you’ll never be able to use or resell.

Maybe you tried to make money by listing it for sale at a couple of domain marketplaces but didn’t get the faintest sniff of interest.

So when it comes up for renewal, you do the sensible thing and let it lapse. You even feel good about your level-headed decision.

Weeks later, you casually check to see if anyone’s re-registered it and find it’s now listed on a “premium domains” site for $3,000!

Of course, just because it’s listed for thousands doesn’t mean it’s worth thousands.

But you can’t escape the feeling you let a valuable domain slip through your fingers.

#8. You’re Considering a Domain-Inspired Career Move

Sometimes you’ll stumble across a domain name that’s so good you simply have to own it… even though it’s totally unrelated to your work or hobbies.

The smart move would be to snag it and sell it for a profit to someone who can make good use of it. But like Gollum and that damned ring, you can’t quite bring yourself to part with it.

So your brain starts to explore a future possible world where you become the person for whom this is the perfect domain.

Sure it means throwing away years of hard-won experience and starting a blog in a new field.

But finding a domain this good must be a signal from the universe, right?

#9. You Lose Interest in Domains Moments After Buying Them

Once the buzz of snagging the name you’ve been lusting after subsides, a faint sense of regret can quickly follow.

“I can’t believe nobody bought this yet,” quickly turns to, “I can’t believe I just bought that.”

And the longer you hold onto a domain, the more money you rack up in wasted renewal fees.

The best way to take your mind off this painful predicament? Start scouting for your next domain name.

#10. You Have a Conspiracy Theory about Domain Registrars

Maybe this happened to you…

One day you check a new domain and find it available for the regular price. The next day it’s suddenly a “premium” domain, commanding several thousand dollars.

And you can’t help but wonder:

Did my search alert the registrar to the juicy potential of this previously unrecognized name?

You wouldn’t be alone in your suspicions. Type “do domain registrars” into Google and “steal domains?” is the top auto-complete suggestion.

Are registrars capable of dirty tricks like this? Maybe. It’s difficult to be sure.

But paranoid thoughts like these might be the first sign your harmless hobby is turning into a dangerous addiction.

Learn to Spot the Signs of Addiction Before It’s Too Late

Domain name addiction is real. And it can wreck your life if you don’t catch it in time.

If you suspect you might be addicted, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you visit domain registration sites several times a day?

Do you lie to friends and family about how many domains you own?

Do you often “binge” and buy multiple domains at once?

If so, you’re likely a domain name junkie.

The good news? With the right support, a full recovery is possible.

But you must take that crucial first step. Acknowledge your addiction.

So repeat after me:

“I’m a domain name junkie. And today’s the day I get help.”

About the Author: Glen Long is Smart Blogger’s operations guy and a recovering domain name junkie. He’s holding a “yard sale” of the best blogging, copywriting and content marketing domains that he’s collected over the years — go check it out.

The post 10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Domain Name Junkie appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/domain-name-junkie/

[isaacathom]

ok ive decided stuff about the admins

theres 4 of them. theres YT, a Doctor guy, the Ceo, and a small fry who is the ‘fodder’ admin. think like..... proton??? the green guy from team rocket in gen 2/4. that guy.

cause i think that gives a good spread. cause in ‘marketing’, youd only know about the doctor and the small fry. you know YT exists, and you might assume theyre part of team whatsit, but its unconfirmed. you dont know the CEO exists at all. and in terms of team admins, two seems fair, not super unnatural. no worries.

it also gives a good spread of how these admins feel about what theyre doing and what they specifically support. YT, she hates this, but she supports the ‘goal’ of defaming the gym leaders/e4/champ. hence, she heads up that division. its not a separate goal, but any time the team wants to fuck with their reputation, YT is the one they call.

the Doc is for public safety. why is he part of a gang? thats my real problem with him but im gonna work on that later. but hes in to keep the people safe and sees the rest as a means to that end, an unfortunate stepping stone on the way to like, security n shit. hes a bit oblivious to just hoooowwww bad the leader is

the CEO is all about control. control freak. its why they were placed as the ceo of the facade company, they run shit, fastidious, they want the world just so. they dont care about the e4 or about public safety, but think that if dealing with those will lead to their perfect lil sphere of influence, theyll make pretend.

the small fry is basically just leader lite. they totally idolise the leader of team whatsit, and as such they just PARROT it. they emulate the leader in every way, minus tact and like, general competence. so theyre just like, cult like, its kinda fucked if you think about it. the reason theyre an admin is basically just as a fall guy.

the idea here is that soon, soooooon, team whatsit’s facade company is gonna do a MASSIVE raid on a team whatsit warehouse, and they will capture small fry. hand them over to the police. because small fry is actually an admin, they can act convincingly to the police, but because the other admins arent actually divulging secrets to small fry, they are at noo risk of being uncovered through this. as a result of this, to ensure small fry doesnt know too much, theyve only heard fake names of the other admins, fake locations and shit about them, and theyve ONLY met the leader face to face. their news comes to them through letters exclusively. they dont know anything more than they should.

and itd be fun because when YOU meet small fry, which is before the Big Raid, they tell you all this super innacurate information. like, you already know who the Doc is (because he does have a name i just havent made it up yet), but this small fry tells you a completely incorrect name. like everything he says in incorrect. and youre like, what the fuck is happening??? why is this admin so out of loop?

and the thing is, its pretty fucked up, because if the small fry realises that theyve been tricked, that the leader betrayed them and is getting them genuinely sent to jail (because to break them out would be to put the whole peace facade at risk), they cant actually tattle. because they dont know ANYTHING. theyre fucked, basically. the only way that admin gets off is if the leader admits everything, or if you (the player) found something that proved their ‘innocence’ and lack of evil intent. you probably wouldnt, though. cause the idea is, this admin is REALLY small fry. you encounter them maybe twice, once separately in a small town where they attempt to orchestrate smth, like a rbbery of a family business, something petty. and then once during the raid, which you take part in, i think. cause you ran errands for the CEO, and they call on you for another favour because youre oh so talented, to help them raid the warehouse and capture small fry. and you do! you get to small fry and theyre captured. CEO congratulates you with a nice sum of money, and tells you that if you ever wants a job with the company when youre older, that the door is always open. thats the laaaast time you see small fry (they might be mentioned on tv occasionally thereafter because of the story trigger), and its the last time you mandatorily see the CEO before theyre revealed to be Big Ol Bad.

idk. i think its fun? like it sucks for small fry because i imagine theyre young, possibly a similar age to YT (who is, AT MOST, 25, and much more likely to be around 20 years old), or a lil younger, say 18. naive, enamoured. poor kid.

i think small fry is the only admin you cant actually rescue, unless theyres a post game story (side story, because in my Dream of Dreams theres like 5 post game subplots because fuck you god i live my life) in which you visit them in the police center and help em clear their name. dunno how THAT’d manifest. maybe its part of a YT story. like, post game, you do a bunch of YT missions to help the tie up loose ends. free small fry. help the doctor. punch the ceo in the face. that sort of thing. i mean thats incredibly vague.

i mean, you cant rescue the CEO or the Leader either. the doctor is probably fine. YT is either captured voluntarily or disappears into the ether only to reappear to roundhouse kick elito and leave again. possibly a combob. idk. thatd be an interesting idea for post game. or, ooh, something to do with the gym leaders. helping them sorta rebuild the city, that sorta shit. cause like, the city (Melbourne, fuckeeeeerrrrssss) got straight up fucked. not as bad as like, opelucid that one time, though that was also JUST some ice and it maybe caused some minor flooding. this shit was like rage on the streets, or something. lot of damage. bunch of broken windows. worker and police npcs everywhere. yknow.

and you help them fix that up, maybe while hunting down the CEO, perhaps, or the leader if they made a getaway. im thinking the CEO, because if the leader got away itd be a kind of cop out (see at least with ghetsis he broke out BETWEEN games. thats a difference), but the CEO being out in the wild isnt hyper unusual.

idk. thats some far future shit.

as far as encounters with the admins goes???? or with the team in general. so first you meet grunts, and then you meet small fry (1). meet more grunts, and perhaps thats how you meet CEO (-1), through being witnessed. idk. whoo. then you meet more grunts, and then im thinking you meet Doc (1). then you meet CEO (0) again, after you run the errand, and then you go off to the next town without incident before the raid, where you ruin small frys (2) life. then im thinking you keep going and thats when you meet YT (1) as an admin for the first time, when you decide to keep dishing out vigilante justice and go after them in another place. after you, you encounter CEO (1) as admin as well. this is JUST before chaos city shit, in which you will fight CEO (2) DOC (2) and YT (2) again. its also where youll meet leader (1). and im thinking you might fight them twice. the first time solo, and the second time after the summoning of the legendaries, in which its a double fight with leader (2) and CEO/YT (3?), depending. then you win, congrats. you only fight doc twice. after you beat him in the city he exits the building to go help people on the street, and he is not present at the whatsit climax.

not sure if the double battle is with YT or CEO. might depend on in what order you fight them in the city. you do see YT before you get to the building, as YT is in the pokemon center and tells you to leave for your own safety. also with the double battle, not sure if you and your friend have the legendarie or they do. both make sense. i like both. also why is your friend there? mans powerful.

problem with that rundown is it DOES possibly remove the whole ‘elito fucking flees’ scenario but that could easily be slotted into the skyscraper thing and serve to remove YT from the climax of it, thus leaving the double battle as Leader/CEO. Besides, youve fought YT BEFORE that as well. theres the optional fight that lets you skip doing like the 3rd gym until way later, and theres a fight i think befor and after that one. one really early, not when she first meets you in like the first town that isnt your home, maybe the one after that. and then theres another in between like. the doc fight and the small fry battle. maybe yt tries to prevent you from joining the raid (UNDERSTANDABLY given what happened to her). thatd be fun. and thatd be the last time you see her before the admin reveal. yea, thatd work ok.

ofc the problem is pacing. aside from the fact that Fuck Me I cant Pace Worth a Shit, the towns need to be placed good. the last thing i want is a repeat of west kalos which was the MOST BORING THING THAT EVER HAPPENED. god fuck west kalos. west kalos is ass. cause you beat viola, right, and then you go to lumiose, go to the useless town, go to the manor up the road, go to another useless town, go to a cave, THEN you get to the next town and fight grant and its like what the fuck was that about. god that shit was stupid. you didnt even get to fight an admin at the end of that cave shit. god that was dumb. god fuck west kalos.

but yea. you dont wanna repeat it. and one way we do that is by not arbitrarily shutting off half of a fucking city. mostly because pokeMelbourne would be more uh, city on melemele than Lumiose Cuck Fuck. Hold on, i need to do a quick comparison in sizes, hold up.

well. melbourne certainly is bigger than paris. but i think, oooh, OOOOOOHHHH, ooooooooh no ive got an idea. cause like, /i/ live in the city of melbourne right, despite being a solid hour from the cbd, im like half way from the city to the east beaches. (ok more like a third but bare with me)

so. you could have a biiiig sprawling city that is actually divided into 3 ‘places’. like, its a big urban sprawl. and youve got the cbd, which is ‘the city proper’, which is where the chaos takes place. and then there are two outer suburbs of the city!!!! which means you could have multiple gyms within the same ‘city’, because the city by square kms is Fucking Giganto like, guys, Paris is like 100sq kms and melbourne is 9900sq kms, get the Fuck out of here, oh my god. shit, even new york (castelia) is like, 800sq kms. buddy. buddy we’re in. oh buddy that sounds so cool. cause then it means, ooh, if we /wanted/ to do something akin to skipping the gym in lumiose the first time, it wouldnt be an issue, because there are still two other gyms. you dont feel like its a useless detour. like oh no, a power outage, cant even walk the fucking streets, wow. not like backup generators exist.

but like, youd have home town, then next town with the first gym (and your first YT encounter, sans fight because she doesnt fight you), THEN you enter the city outskirts and its a second gym, then the city proper and you skip that gym because thats like the 5th gym, then you head out the western outskirts and fight the 3rd gym. something like that! and the connecting routes would be city streets slowly getting more and more urban the closer you get to the city proper. ooooooOOOOOOHHH yea i like that, i like that a lot.

see this is fun. i love this