#<-- i won't this is just my talking tag now
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Game Strategy - Manon Bannerman
Manon Bannerman X reader
Synopsis: Your girlfriend sabotages you on the laser tag.
Genre: Fluff
a/n: I love Manon, I had this draft saved for so long, but I got sick and only finish it today, so, here it is. <3
The bright lights were contagious, we were all agitated and impatient waiting for our turn to enter the room. The teams were separated, and we were all talking and teasing each other. Unfortunately, my girlfriend, Manon, and I were on different teams. Manon led a team with Daniela, Lara, and three other friends of ours, while I led a team with Sophia, Yoonchae, Megan, and two other friends.
I loved Manon, but all she knew how to do since we decided on the teams was tease me. She wouldn't stop talking for a second, and honestly, I'm too passionate to just not pay attention to every word of teasing that comes out of her mouth.
"Baby, you know I'm not going to go easy on you, don't you?" Manon said, approaching and pretending to fix my vest.
"I don't need you to take it easy beautiful, I'm going to win anyway." I said as I pulled her by the waist.
"Ew, get a room." Daniela says, interrupting our moment and getting laughs from everyone.
Manon looks at me with a smile, I'll never understand what I did to deserve this woman.
"How about a bet?" The girl with pigtails says as she puts her arms around my neck.
"A bet, uh?" I ask as I rest my hands on his waist.
"Uhm... If you win, you can choose how we end the night..." She says with a smile on her face. "But if I win, you'll have to do everything I want."
"Anything?" I ask, wondering if it's worth accepting or not.
"Whatever goes through my mind." Manon says, now as she runs her fingers through my hair and tilts her head waiting for my answer.
"It's okay, I'll deal with it. You're going to lose anyway." I say, hearing her giggle and walk away as the Laser tag employee says it's our turn to enter.
When everyone is in their positions, the vests glow indicating that they are working and we all start to move, the adrenaline makes it seem like it's all or nothing, at least for me, in the face of the bet I accepted.
I still couldn't get hit, but I had already shot Lara and one of the guys on Manon's team. As I passed by I saw someone behind a wall shooting Megan, as soon as the person came out of hiding I could see that it was my beautiful girlfriend. I ran for cover, I could hear Manon's footsteps following me and when I saw it, I was totally cornered.
It turns out that apparently I had run to a place of no exit, Manon who was now in front of me gave a victorious smile as she slowly approached.
"I told you you would lose baby." The girl says as she points the gun at me, making me mirror the movement.
"I can shoot you first, and then you'll lose." My hand was seriously shaking now.
"You wouldn't do that to me baby, you love me too much for that." Manon says as she puts her hands on my neck, gently caressing the back of my neck and making me a little nervous.
"I... I can shoot..."
"But you won't," she says as she looks into my eyes and moves closer to my lips. "Kiss me."
"You're going to kill me one day." I say as I drop the gun and wrap my arms around the girl's waist.
Her lips were soft, sweet and kissing her was the best thing in the world, I could stay there for the rest of my life. My hands were on her waist and as much as I wanted to take them down a little more, I had in mind that we were in a public place and it was a miracle that we were not caught. Anyway the moment didn't last long, we were torn from our own little world with a loud sound.
As I looked down, Manon's gun was pointed at me while my vest was glowing, indicating that I was out and that the match was over.
"I told you you were going to lose." Manon said with a smile on her face, her hands going down and intertwining with mine.
"That's not fair, you distracted me, you basically cheated." I said as I let her drag me out.
"Relax, big baby. I won, but you'll like what I have planned as much as I will."
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the people working at laser tag watching Yn and Manon through the cameras
#gxg#kpop gg#katseye#katseye imagines#katseye x reader#kpop fluff#manon bannerman#manon x reader#manon katseye#manon bannerman x reader#daniela avanzini x reader
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ੈ♡˳ 'birthday cake' - logan howlett x wade wilson
summary: logan buys wade a cake for his birthday and tries to convince himself it doesn't mean anything. (900 words) tags: kinda fluffy, kinda angsty, set a year after the movie, references to losing the x-men, feelings realisation, animal metaphors for logan, cussing, logan x wade. a/n: happy birthday deadpool!
birthdays. running a calloused hand across his stubbled jaw, logan eyes the cakes in the bakery aisle with disgust. when's the last time he celebrated a birthday? not since. . .
well.
not since.
he's not sure why he's here. except he is. yet he won't admit it. can't admit he gives a damn about that stupid red leather-wearing freak. isn't that what he's doing right now, though? a birthday cake, an admission of sorts?
logan grumbles, a deep rumble in the back of his throat. why was this so hard? why couldn't he just pick up a cake and go? or better yet, forget about this whole damn thing and go home?
home.
a word that still feels so foreign in his mind, a long-lost concept that's only recently begun to take root again despite his best efforts to weed it out. that's the thing with wade, he's persistent. fuck, he's extremely fucking persistent to a highly annoying degree. but it's funny how the things we want to deny the most are the things that turn out to be the best for us in the end.
there's a unicorn cake that catches his eye. an imperceptible smile tugs at the corner of logan's lips, a reluctant grin quirking up without permission. he can't help it. "god damn it," he mutters, letting out a soft exhale that could possibly be perceived as a laugh.
it isn't too late. he could back out now, snuff the candles out and toss the cake so hard into the garbage can that it explodes on impact, leaving no evidence behind. that'd probably be the best thing to do. because what the fuck was this?
the unicorn cake sits on the dining room table, a few candles placed carefully (yet still somehow messily) into the pink icing, thoughtfully avoiding the unicorn decorations and rainbows.
logan shuffles nervously on his feet, hands clasped behind his back. he can already hear wade's annoying squealing in his ear, fussing and yelling and talking and just always fucking talking.
he'd made a deliberate effort to ignore all of wade's incessant reminders, 'it's my birthday month peanut, gotta be nice to me', 'i made sure to cancel everything on your very empty calendar for my birthday'. but in reality, logan had it memorised from the moment he learned the date.
a key enters the door, and logan stiffens up, then forces himself to relax in an attempt to look nonchalant. he looks anything but, head tilted down with dark eyes glued to the door - watching, waiting, anticipating.
"holy fuck balls that traffic is ridiculous!" wade whines, closing the door and rolling his neck as though he'd been worked to the bone, "i swear, it's like none of those careless fuckers know it's my birthday - can you believe that? i was thinking about getting a tattoo, the date on my forehead, y'know, so that when anyone asks they-"
wade stops, finally looking into the open room, eyes landing on the flicker of the candles. then to logan, eyes softening. "you. . . got me a cake?" wade whispers in the softest tone logan's ever heard from him, voice thick with emotion. it hits him unexpectedly.
logan puffs his chest out, "don't make a big deal outta it, bub." he says firmly, eyes straying from wade's gaze. feels like his eyes are boring into him, he doesn't like it. doesn't like the way wade looks at him, really looks at him. that kinda look is dangerous, could make a man believe he deserves to be forgiven for all he did or didn't do. could make a man believe that he's allowed happiness, however strange or unusual that source of happiness may be.
when logan's eyes trail back to meet wade's, he's already in front of him, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug as he rests his cheek against his broad chest. logan huffs, making a sound of disapproval initially, yet makes no effort to move or push him away. instead, he settles, allowing it.
he knows wade must hear his heartbeat, the fact that it's fluttering in his chest. but wade only squeezes his arms around him tighter in response.
for once, the merc with a mouth is silent, basking in this moment the other has allowed. he's almost in disbelief. to some, and hell, maybe even logan himself, it looked like. . . well, just a cake.
but it symbolised so much more than that.
if wade has had his hand outstretched all this time, approaching the skittish animal threatening to lash out in learned survival instincts - then this is the gentle nudge from the animal's snout into his palm. a curious, tentative step forward. a willingness to let someone in, let someone help.
and god, wade won't mess this up, won't disappoint, despite the fact that it's all he thought he was good for, for a long ass time. if logan's taught him anything, it's that life is so much more than what you boil yourself down to. it's what others see in you, too.
wade's eyes pop open when he feels logan's firm hands hesitantly rest upon his back, giving a gentle pat. he bites his tongue, a mirage of sex jokes slinging through his filth-riddled mind. perhaps in a way, that was his own defense mechanism, push him away with just enough jokes to keep him guessing.
but not today.
because today logan bought him a cake. the same day that logan realised that he's hopelessly, ridiculously, disgustingly, annoyingly. . . in love.
#hugh jackman#ryan reynolds#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadpool 3#marvel#logan howlett#wolverine#the wolverine#james howlett#x men#james logan howlett#wade wilson#dp3#peanutbub#deadclaws#logan x wade#wolverine x deadpool#deadpool x wolverine#loganpool#wolverpool#wade x logan#wade wilson x logan howlett#logan howlett x wade wilson#worst wolverine#wolverine x men#hugh jackman wolverine#logan wolverine#my writing
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"how you see yourself" meme
⊱ tagged by the dear @dekarios, thank you so much fray!
character: it's faerene, my oc, made in here. she's a self-insert, she looks like me. i gave her all the things i disliked about myself and now i love myself the way i am thanks to her.
style: a mix of cottagecore / dark academia / vintage / victorian fashion. we need to bring this shit back asap (though that won't stop me dressing like that either)
object: mushrooms but its more complex than that. i love the duality of life and death they represent!! springing up from something dead, death being a gate to something new!!! much like how we preserve the memories of our loved ones and people who lived in the past!!! we are never truly dead!!!! you cant kill a memory in a way that matters!!! just like fungus!!!
place: i was torn between a forest and a graveyard so this is an abandoned forest graveyard in my country!! forests / graveyards are truly the only two places other than inside where i truly feel sane. because they are quiet, there are no (alive) people around, and if they are, they don't tend to perceive me as much!!! and i love nature and how calm it is and graveyards often are surrounded by greenery and trees and its just!!! its a thing ive been doing ever since i was a child. i live both next to a forest AND a cemetery so thats where i always ran to when everything felt like too much.
animal: i was torn between this bunny and another bunny holding a scythe because lbr i am both a dainty pink lady AND can have a sharp weapon to walk around to assert dominance. :3c
song: eughhhh im a florence + the machine girl because her entire vibes and songs are just. running in my veins ever since i was 15. anyway. if i had to name specific songs it would be mainly from this album and it would be these: blinding, i'm not calling you a liar, my boy builds coffins, drumming song, rabbit heart (raise it up). i cant choose from those they are all equally me thats the end of the sentence.
job: i want to be a weird (very important) and off-putting (equally important) but also cute (super important) fey of the woods that can talk to the dead and plants and grows mushrooms in her weird af little garden. so i hope i am at least projecting some of those vibes irl.
food: baked potatoes. im a slav and you can pry those from my cold dead hands
colour: very specific shade of pink. like dusty pink. old pink. mushroom pink. pink you can see in the nature. earthy pink. but i also love love love autumn colours like toned down red, brown, and white.
⊱ tagging: [un]like this post to be added / removed.
@thanekrios﹒@lavampira﹒@euryalex﹒@starforger﹒@thefrostyshepard
@florbelles﹒@aldwirs﹒@pawnguild﹒@archonfurina﹒@ladyinthebluebox
@inafieldofdaisies﹒@feykiller﹒@zahra-hydris﹒@noughtomaton﹒@corvus-rose
@ferwynter﹒@melancholicrainstorm﹒@sylvthara﹒@katsigian﹒@rindemption
@vilnan﹒@eldensrings﹒@claudiawolf﹒@therapyvibes﹒@sibeal
@epheyang﹒@lotusfaebell﹒@anoramactir﹒@gallusneve﹒@lutebard
@brightaxe﹒@spectordameron﹒@merdruid﹒@lurakha﹒@lord-woolsley
@shaweetiehs﹒@corffiser﹒@thedeadthree﹒@quendiviner﹒@pinkfey
@azatas﹒@theviridianbunny﹒@heartfluttered
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Azul Ashengrotto with a Bad Genius reader (Part 3)
• Azul didn't want to be cruel, no, that would be so insulting! An honor student like him? Cheat and blackmail? Haha! Oh, like aren't you any different. He hated you. No... He loathed even mentioning you.
• How could someone in his dorm, who's in lower status, be this much of a threat to him? You are the epitome of a behaved and well-mannered model student. Not only that, you have grades and intelligence far higher than anyone in class. Possibly surpassing Azul's. Now that is what's bothering him.
• The way you don't even need time to study about a certain subject for you already memorized the contents beforehand. The way you made zero effort during the physical activities in class for you already have learned sports. The way you just stood there quietly and minding your own business was enough for teachers to call you a model student... Azul despised that. He despised you.
.
.
.
{Ramshackle Dorm – Lounge}
BadGenius! Yuu: "Guys, what did I tell you about meetups? We almost got caught by Azul!"
Deuce: "W-we're so sorry!"
Ace: "I thought you said we'll meet you at your place!"
BadGenius! Yuu: "By my place I meant Ramshackle!"
Ace: "Why didn't you say so? We came all the way to Octavinelle just for you to kick us out?"
Deuce: "You should know better, Ace. They warned us about Azul."
Ace: "Like you're one to talk! You tagged along. Doesn't sound so honorable to me, Mr. Honor Student!"
Deuce: "Th-this is just only one time! It won't happen again..."
Grim: "Are we gonna start or what? I'm gettin' sleepy here 😾!"
BadGenius! Yuu: "I guess it can't be helped. Sorry for the misunderstanding, guys."
Random Heartslabyul Student: "Don't worry about it, BadGenius! Yuu 😅!"
Random Scarabia Student: "We should've back read the group chat 😓."
Random Pomefiore Student: "W-w-what if we get caught 😱?!"
Random Savanaclaw Student: "Geez, if you're so paranoid then don't come here in the first place 🙄."
Random Octavinelle Student: "Azul's already suspicious of us. Should we be alarmed 😦?"
BadGenius! Yuu: "No, I managed to convince him. Now that the issue's out of the way, let's get started, shall we?"
• The test was going to be hard, you knew it. All you did was help a classmate with their homework in exchange for money. When they finally understand the material, they gave you a suggestion – to start your own business. That business specifically involved memorizing answers in a much more simpler way. In fact, you don't need to memorize all of them, they just wait and you'll provide it. Even during the test, under watchful eyes.
• The Ramshackle Ghosts were kind enough to let you stay in the rundown dormitory. They also did you a favor of bringing an old unused piano, but it still works despite the harsh conditions. Your friends wondered why you brought them here to teach them piano lessons late at night instead of studying for the exam tomorrow. The students- or rather clients you have gathered, have asked you for tons of help that you can't teach all of them at the same time. So you just came up with an alternative.
BadGenius! Yuu: "Look, see this piano? I'll make small sequences of a song and you'll have to memorize all of it. At least four of them since the other half of the test is in multiple choice form."
Deuce: "......."
Ace: "....Hah?"
Grim: "Fnyagh... I thought you said there won't be any memorizing!"
BadGenius! Yuu: "There won't be any memorizing. Just familiarize the sounds. We will be given one hour to finish the test, yes? And we can't finish it at the same time. So I came up with a solution... The first half of the test paper will contain enumeration, identification, and a few equations. You will have to memorize only the first half of the test... The other half of the test paper will contain multiple choice questions, which means you'll be choosing which is the right answer."
• The students listened intently to your plan, some were yawning from how long your explanation is. You intend to wrap this up quickly so that all of you will at least have a decent amount of rest.
BadGenius! Yuu: "If you're either done answering the first half or not, wait until the long arm of the clock hits twelve. I'll automatically provide answers for you in the other half of the paper to write down during the test. Do not to tilt or turn your head in my direction. Just carefully listen to the tapping of my fingers on the desk. Memorize the sound sequence like the one I will play on this piano. And then identify which one is A, B, C, or D."
Random Octavinelle Student: "Ohh! I think I get it now 😮!"
Random Scarabia Student: "This is waaay more easier than signing a contract with Azul 😯!"
Random Pomefiore Student: "What if we'll get caught looking though 😰?"
Random Savanaclaw Student: "They just told you, DO NOT LOOK, JUST LISTEN. You're such an airhead 😑."
Random Pomefiore Student: "O-Oh right 😓."
Random Heartslabyul Student: "Wait a sec, won't the tapping sound the same 😧?"
BadGenius! Yuu: "They won't. I've tried it before on the classroom desks. Each desk give a clear sound. I've also cut the tips of of my fingernails to adjust the sound of the tapping. Here's an example..."
• You made yourself comfortable on a chair and thought of a simple song to play on the piano keys. You decided to play Für Elise by Beethoven and then tapped your fingers on the wood for comparison. Not a lot of people know about the song so it should be safe if the teacher doesn't recognize it.
BadGenius! Yuu: "The highest pitch is A.... This one is B.... This is C..... And lastly, the lowest pitch is D....."
• The students listened and observed the simple sequences. Their eyes lit up by how easy the sounds can be memorized. Soon, they were able to recognize each of them with their eyes closed. However, Grim and ADeuce were struggling.
BadGenius! Yuu: "Alright, now that you've familiarized the sequences, let's discuss the seating arrangements."
Deuce: "Huh?! There's more?!"
BadGenius! Yuu: "Yes. Everyone's level of hearing varies from person to person depending on the distance. If we can't hear the sounds correctly in case another student coughs or sneezes, we'll write the wrong answers."
Deuce: "U-Umm... I guess that makes sense."
BadGenius! Yuu: "There's also a drawback, we're gonna have to wake up early to occupy the seats before the others. Okay, now everybody grab your chairs. We'll start with... You. Since you're a beastman, your hearing is better."
Random Savanaclaw Student: "Naturally 😌."
BadGenius! Yuu: "So you'll be a bit farther from me tooo... There.... And you..."
Random Pomefiore Student: "Eh... Me 😧?"
BadGenius! Yuu: "Yes, you. You didn't hear me when I said not to turn or tilt your head during the exam, so obviously you'll be sitting near me.... Riiight here."
• As you begin placing everyone to their order of seating arrangements accordingly with everyone finally agreeing with you, the ADeuce and Grim were completely having trouble to understand and were left behind. They exited the lounge and went outside.
Ace: "... Did you get any of that?"
Deuce: "Yeah... no."
Grim: "Fnyagh... I thought this was gonna be easy."
Deuce: "It is easy. Just memorize the sounds. There's only four of them!"
Ace: "They'll only provide HALF of the test. We still have to do the other half on our own."
Deuce: "Hey, it's the least we could do. They've made the effort to arrange all of this so we might as well lift ourselves up."
Grim: "Great. I thought there wouldn't be any familiarizing cuz I thought they'll give the answers for the entire thing, not half of it! Fnyagh... It's too hard!"
Deuce: "I think they said something about our answers in the first half combined with the memorized other will equal to a passing score."
Ace: "If we can get it right! We don't have enough time to memorize the answers in the first half!"
Deuce: "Why don't we stop complaining and at least try--"
! F L I C K E R !
Deuce: "H-HUH?! GUYS, DID YOU SEE THAT?!"
Grim: "See what?"
Ace: "How can you even see anything? It's dark out here."
Deuce: "I could've sworn...!"
• Before Deuce can finish his sentence, you called out to them to get inside so you can properly seat them. Ace and Grim walked back with Deuce following behind. The boy glanced outside last time and went in the dorm. He could've swore he saw a flicker of something shiny...
.
.
.
Jade: "That was close one."
Floyd: "Eh~ so little Shrimpy wanna play games, huh Jade?"
Jade: "It seems so. I think it's time to report back to Azul, wouldn't you say?"
Floyd: "Yeah~ I'm gettin' bored."
• Unknowing to the students inside, a certain pair of eels cackled quietly, they've come to enjoy observing you but sadly this espionage has to end. Satisfied that they've gathered enough evidence, they shut the video camera, its lens shining in the dark, and left.
.
.
.
{Octavinelle Dorm – VIP Room}
• Azul was in a spiral. Getting paranoid by the minute, constantly overthinking things. Counting the contracts again and again did not help at all. But at the same time, he's getting impatient. Azul has to admit, he's come to like you and admires how your efforts made you come this far, but he likes the title of honor student more.
Floyd: "Azuuuul~ we're baaaack~!!"
Jade: "We're back."
Azul: "Good. Now where is it?"
Jade: "Oya? Is that how you thank us right after doing the work for you?"
Azul: "It doesn't matter now give it."
Floyd: "uughh, fiiine~!"
Jade: "How selfish of you, Azul 😊."
Floyd: "Yeah, how selfish~"
Azul: "Shut it."
• Jade handed over the video camera to Azul. The man snatched it and sat down. He rewind the footage from the day he ordered the Tweels to spy on you to the night before the exam. Jade and Floyd watched as a growing smile plastered itself on Azul's face. After the video ends, he let out a hysterical laugh. The twins grinned to themselves. Oh, this is going to be fun, they think.
Azul: "...ha... haha.... AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! FINALLY! NOW I'LL GET RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! AHAHAHAHA!! EVERYTHING. WILL. BE. MINE!!!"
• Azul never should have given you that advice in the first place. Never in a thousand years did he think you would act that fast and now you've become a hindrance to his plans. It was a miscalculation, a big one. And he'll stop at nothing to bring you down. He needs to get rid of you before all of his own efforts go down the drain.
• Now what shall we do about those friends of yours, hm? How unfair of you to leave them out of your studies. Why don't he give them a hand?
To Be Continued...
#twisted wonderland x reader#Twisted Wonderland x GN reader#Twisted Wonderland x male reader#Twisted Wonderland x female reader#Twst x reader#Twst x GN reader#Twst x female reader#Twst x male reader#Twst x prodigy reader#Twst x genius reader#Twisted Wonderland x prodigy reader#Twisted Wonderland x genius reader#Azul Ashengrotto x reader#Azul Ashengrotto x GN reader#Azul Ashengrotto x male reader#Azul Ashengrotto x female reader#Azul Ashengrotto x prodigy reader#Azul Ashengrotto x genius reader
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An Angel?
(Elora backstory!)
(Peeps?: @city-of-c0rpses @myluckymoon )
Mom and dad were always such fantastic parents. They loved and cared for me endlessly. Spoiled me but made sure I was humbled and grateful as well. True role models for me. They inspired me to be loving and treat others with kindness as well. Though I was always loving by nature. I wanted to love people no matter who or what they are.
Though when I was little, I had no one to love and spoil on. So when my parents asked me what I wanted for Christmas when I was 6, I gave an excited reply, "I want a sibling!" I remember that moment when their faces scrunched up in worry, but I never knew why in the moment.
Apparently, my mom had struggles with trying to get pregnant, and having me was dangerous enough due to the birthing process. For medical reasons, she could have almost died for having me. I don't blame them for deciding not to have another kid and telling me no. But for a long time I was still wishing for a sibling.
At first, I wanted any sibling until I decided and settled that I specifically wanted a baby brother. Whenever I would go to the park, I would watch families play together. There would be sisters playing tag with their brothers, older brothers simply walking and having a conversation with their siblings. Seeing the people at the park made me desire to have a baby brother.
I figured that my day of having a sibling will never come though. I sorta accepted it when my mom told me why I can't have a sibling.
Until one day, when I was 11 ,I got a call from my best friend at the time, Xena Withlock. She was my age and had three younger sisters and came from a wealthy family. She called me to inform me that she won't be at school the next day. "Why not? We have a test tomorrow?" I asked over the phone.
"Because my mom is in the hospital right now. I'm going to have a brother tonight." Xena replied to me. I practically dropped the phone and hung up, running over to her house as quickly as I could. How come she never told me about this until now?! Why am I just hearing about this now?!
I had one single goal in mind. I always wanted a baby brother, yet never could have had one. My only way to ever get one was to become the godsister of my closet friend's brother. I was determined to get what this family didn't want in the future.
I felt a little bad for bursting into Xena's home and room unexpectedly and not invited, let alone stay the night there as well, but my desire to meet this baby was there. Besides, we had a fun little sleep over that night. The next day, we went to the hospital. I was skipping ahead of Xena and her three younger sisters, Lillie, Viola, and Sophia. I was too excited, all I could do was leap in excitement. Poor Xena was so confused why.
I guess you can say I annoyed the crap out of her father and mother. Because as soon as we arrived to the room, I practically begged her father to allow me to be their new son's godsister. Her poor mom, who was still recovering at the time was so tired that she gave me the "Whatever, sure."
I couldn't have been happier once I was granted permission. Immediately, I called dibs on holding the baby first. Giving into my demands, they let me, handing over the tiny baby in my arms. They named his Xavier. He was the cutest little baby, sleeping peacefully all swaddled up. Absolutely adorable.
I held him close to my chest, enjoying the closeness. I promised to myself that I would help take good care of him. I think I did a good job in fulfilling that promise. For almost every day of my life, until I moved when I was a adult, I would visit the Withlocks and take care of my baby brother.
From simply holding him and talking to him, to watching him grow, I would try to be there. Xena would make jokes that I was the 5th sister of the family, since I was there all the time. How could I not be there? That's my baby brother right there.
From trying to lift his head the first time, crawling on the floor, showing me crayon colored dinosaurs, pushing him on the swings, and before saying goodbye for the last time, I tried to be there for him. For every little thing he did, I was proud of him. I loved him. Every moment I wanted to spoil him rotten and love on him.
His parents weren't always the greatest. I could tell from day one when I met Xena. But I was hoping that, at least through all my efforts, I left a little bit of impact and hope in him for when I had to take my leave. After all life was telling me to start growing up. Soon before I knew it, I had a husband, I was living out in the countryside, I had my own kids to take care of, life got the best of me.
Oh, but how time flies. It's been a while, a few years since I reached out in contact. I hope they are doing well.
After all, I still love them.
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yippie!! I'll use my OC's Thyme and Soup :3
1. If you could change one thing about yourself permanently what would it be? Realistically?
Thyme: I wish I wasn't so curious..all it did was harm me.. if I wasn't maybe I would have never touched the t̵̯̖̊̚ẖ̵̟͌̽i̶͙̯͂̀n̶̥̍͂g̴̨̢͌̌
Soup(I regret naming him that now it sounds so unserious😭): I hate my eyes. I hate how people stare at me. I wish I didn't have these nails I can never chop. I hate this lifeless hand I'm stuck with. I hate the holes in my legs I was born with. I just want to be normal.
But oh well! that probably won't happen so I'll just have to live with it!
2. What do you think your future will be like?
Thyme: if I just get out of this loop and the incense is destroyed..maybe everything will go back to how it was, I'll go to college, be with my partner, maybe I'll even get a job. I want to get out of here already..I don't want to stay here forever.
Soup: everything will probably just be the same as it always was . I'll just stay in these woods forever. It's not that bad.. most people suck anyway,. especially h̴̖̥̝̖̫̀͑̉͠ͅḭ̷̹̹̌͊͆͐̕͝m̵̹̈́̋. I'm better off like this. I don't want to...I don't want to experience t̸͈̻͓̱͓͕͈̠͈͙̓̏̅͂̀͒̔ḩ̵̮̟̼̤͛͛̊̚͜͝a̴̦̔͛͝t̵̛̮̯̲̩̟͉͇̥̉̎͗̈̒͊̂ again.. I'd rather..not talk about it! Thyme is nice I guess...but they just need to go home!! They have no need to assist me!! and they'll probably go off to the next ở̴̩̹̋̿ņ̵̲̪͛̂͒̀̈ę̷̨̩̠̳̲̏̑̂̚͝ in a few days anyway!!. I'll just be in my little cabin for the rest of time, and eventually I'll die!
3. Would you ever get tattoos/piercings? Or if you already have them, what are they?
Thyme: I mean, I wouldn't mind piercings and tattoos, but I'd rather not..I don't think my family would approve and I hate needles. And if I get one I'm worried i'd regret it . I don't want to make any more mistakes..
Soup: I do have a few tattoos! One of an orchid and hyacinth on my shoulders. I have my ears pierced. I would like a snake bite piercing if I can get one. I did get my stomach punctured once, not sure if that counts~
idk
tagging :3 @kitchenaidmixer02 @sillystringstar and anyone else who wants to! (no pressure!)
new questions!!:
Have you ever dyed your hair? If not, do you want to?
Who do you hate and why?
Where do you live? Do you like it?
OC Questionnaire
Thanks for this one, @leahnardo-da-veggie! We'll answer for Paris and Antonio today :D
If you could wish for one thing, what would it be?
Antonio: "Oh, I dunno. All my friends camping out in my huge house and myself cooking them dinner every night." Paris: "...For my mother to be comfortable enough to stop working herself to the bone."
What is your most treasured possession?
Antonio: "Eh. Possessions come and go. I guess my shoulder holster, because it's fitted to me, but I'm sure I could simply find another." Paris: "My violin."
Do you think you could win in a fight against your nemesis?
Antonio: "I have so many enemies...if I've learned anything recently it's that I need a little help. With my friends? Of course, we could." Paris: "My nemesis is cold weather and less work and cracked palms and hungry nights. I lose the battle every day."
Did NOT intend to answer the last one for Paris that way, but he seized ahold of me and wouldn't be silenced. So. Okay, edgelord. 🙄
I'll pass on the tag to @indecentpause @asher-writes @tragicheirs @sleepyowlwrites @writernopal and anyone else who sees this and wants to answer these new questions!
What does tomorrow look like?
Favorite color, and why?
Whom do you love the most?
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what’s your thoughts on ouran? you mentioned you had a love / hate relationship with it and i think that would be interesting to hear
Oh god post that usually would be reserved for my sideblog incoming. Heads up this one might get uncomfortable, heed the tags. LONG POST.
TL;DR: it's a fun show that's neck deep in the misogyny sauce
I had the true ouran experience of watching it when I was 12 and thinking it was really funny but ultimately finished the show feeling mildly disappointed as well as being Very put off by one specific episode.
As a 12 year old I didn't really have the words to explain why but over the years I thought back to ouran again and again and the more I thought about it the more. Angry isn't really the right emotion I guess. Eyebrow raised emoji-y is more accurate.
Now that I am a bit older and wiser and have read more shoujo, I think the majority of the annoyance and confusion I felt towards ouran, especially nearing the end of the show, came from the fact that it pretty much bait-and-switches its own stance on gender roles, classism and judging by appearance. Please note that I have not rewatched ouran in many years so take all this with a grain of salt and forgive me for anything I'm straight up misremembering.
Haruhi, to me, embodies a very quintessential shoujo protagonist archetype. She's not necessarily radicalized against gender roles, but doesn't place the same importance in gendered performance as her peers. She's also viciously ambitious and doesn't downplay her own intelligence, qualities that her female peers around her have been conditioned to avoid in their cartoonishly extreme upper class upbringings.
However, the other girls' education being a direct result of their education is never really examined. All the other girls at ouran are presented as vapid and "boy-crazy" over the host club. Renge, the only major female character aside from Haruhi herself, is delegated to being comedic relief (and of course, the humour surrounding her almost always has to do with her obsession with Kyoya) with some not so subtle implications that Haruhi is above her girlish antics because Haruhi is... Better, to put it bluntly, in every way including her ability to appeal to men, which can be seen through Kyoya's neutral to distasteful opinion of Renge vs his somewhat unsubtle care and attraction towards Haruhi.
This very unflattering depiction of women other than Haruhi extends to the very queer-coded* Lobelia academy girls, who the host club spends an episode "rescuing" Haruhi from and, once again despite their group leader's more masculine look, reacts in shock and horror at their feminine interests. Eugh, makeup! Disgusting!
*pressing the "nuance" button on this one because we can't expect to apply our understanding of queer signalling on a Japanese highschooler, but the Lobelia girls are. Fairly blatant enough I feel that I almost don't even want to call it coding.
The girls in the show who aren't Haruhi are either boy-crazy and therefore stupid, side characters whose episodes are often tied to getting with a male love interest (who is always depicted as "plain" compared to the desirable men of the host club), rivals in love against Haruhi (like Eclair) or silly evil lesbians.
Speaking of the silly evil lesbians, I do think it's interesting how many times the show feels the need to restate Haruhi's heterosexuality through her endless amounts of blatant disinterest in her fangirls. I briefly wrote once on how patriarchal standards have an amount of gender-nonconformity that can be accepted with women, but violently withdraws that acceptance when it can be even slightly confused with signalling queerness. Every second boomer dad wants a tomboy daughter, yet none of them seem to want trans sons. Idk, food for thought.
It's also fascinating to me that Utena is so much older than Ouran, yet almost feels like a direct response to Ouran's pitfalls at times e.g. the "not like other girls" logic of Ouran's world that pits women against eachother. The only women deserving of sympathy are those who don't act as a "threat" to Haruhi's desireability, everyone else is stupid and beneath her or an evil bitch.
The one woman who is always shown as intelligent and worthy of respect outside of Haruhi herself is Haruhi's deceased mother. Interesting that she had to be dead and more of a concept and motivator for Haruhi instead of.. a character.
If the show was just a marina and the diamonds girls simulator that would be one thing but what I find even more insidious is that not only does it not respect its female cast, Haruhi herself is almost. Instructed? In the show to uphold patriarchal rhetoric, when she entered as a neutral force. With the fact that she acts as the audience stand-in, I find this just the smallest bit troubling.
ESPECIALLY. when talking about the specific episode that really gave me the "I don't like this alot but I can't describe why" feelings when I was 12. Everything else in the show I can look past but this episode genuinely pissed me the fuck off when I was 12 and pisses me off even more now.
I'm talking of course about the "better remember your place in society or men will rape you!!"
In episode 8, the host club visits the beach but instead of the fun beach episode I thought was coming up, 12 year old me was hit was Haruhi being scolded by Tamaki for trying to defend a group of girls from ruffians, simply because she is a girl. Haruhi obviously gets mad.
This in of itself is fine, Tamaki's been shown to be an idiot and very deep in the misogyny/classism sauce, and the way this show mocks that is why I really like him.
But Tamaki is supposed to be IN THE RIGHT this episode, as later Kyoya pretends that he's going to rape Haruhi to teach her a lesson about why women shouldn't confront men I guess. Which, of course, implies quite a lot of very strange things in a show made for young girls, including that if you just abide by gender expectations that are Good and Keep You Safe you... won't be raped? Haruhi even thanks Kyoya for PRETENDING HE WAS GOING TO RAPE HER ?
It's this. Very strange and hypocritical moment for this show and really, really soured Kyoya's character for me -- which is a shame cus I do think he's one of the most interesting club members. I'll never not fume about this episode man I literally got into fights with friends over this episode being garbage as a kid and it was one of the smartest opinions I had at that age.
It's also gross to me that this whole thing revolved around, in the first place, Haruhi trying to defend other girls. In a show that keeps isolating Haruhi from them. So to recap 1. DO NOT seek out relationships with other women, they are vapid and won't understand you, certainly not more than the men in your life and 2. If you defend other women (from men), you're being stupid. Get a man to handle it instead, because it's men's duty to defend women, not yours. and if you violate this natural order you deserve to get raped. Hashtag some gender roles are good, actually.
I also have more thoughts on the way it's presented as if being raped as a woman is the worst thing imagineable but Renge's stalker tendencies towards Kyoya are played up for laughs. Shrugs.
The episode even ends with Haruhi saying she wasn't afraid because she knew Kyoya wasn't going to do it, but then ending up in a curled up helpless ball anyway because of. some thunder. really awesome. While I don't have any problem with exploring Haruhi's vulnerability, we never see any of the boys in such a state, reinforcing that this isn't about dropping the facade of unemotional masculinity but Haruhi being... a girl. Barf.
Even completely disregarding that episode, the messaging is. Strange to say the least. I do think this one might be the thing that gets me shot because Tamaki Does come around to appreciating Haruhi as a person and not simply a "woman", but the fact remains that she still acts as a "love interest" from beginning to end. And the whole dynamic of. Haruhi going from completely disinterested to fond of Tamaki over time, and Tamaki learning to abandon his playboy ways and see Haruhi as a person is totally fine and okay. BUT it is a little bit. Oh so NOW you want to talk about seeing women as people.
I feel that I've been. very focused on the hate part of the love hate and I'll be real nowadays that is very much the dominant half. I still like the show just for nostalgia value, the humour, as well as the host club members themselves. Morii and Honey specifically have a really awesome dynamic and I wish we got to see Honey go berserker more but it is what it is. Kyoya, rapey moment aside, is also really fun and maybe one of those characters that made me realise what kind of tropes I like. I will not stand a word of Hikaru and Kaoru slander, those boys are awesome and their incestuous club personas are a great parody of how performative the club really is, and through that how performative society as a whole is when dealing with attraction as a concept. And I actually really like the side characters too, the emo catboy and Renge in particular.
But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't perhaps one of the most anti-feminist bait and switches I'd ever seen in my life.
Haruhi's not even gender-nonconforming!! She's just a normie with a normal amount of care put into gendered presentation but because she's in the psychopath rich people school she SEEMS gender-nonconforming!! Which is fine as I've said before I think a lot of shoujo protagonists are like Haruhi in that their gender is more "I just work here" at best and something used to oppress them at worst, but Haruhi goes out of her way to present more feminine the moment she leaves the school gates.
Big words for this show to come out swinging saying gender roles and expectations attached to them are dumb when its so terrified of actually tackling them. I don't require everything I watch to be queer queer gay gay homosexual transgender beam attack but like?? Why have Haruhi say she dgaf and then have her present feminine anyway? Especially when it's been highlighted to us that her family is dirt poor, yet she still has the money for hair extensions? You're telling me she decided to cut ALL OF HER HAIR OFF FOR A TINY PIECE OF GUM. for no reason at all when she could've easily just cut it into a bob??
FTR I do still like Haruhi which is what makes this all the more frustrating, especially since she's one of the few female anime characters who we're told is supposed to be masc-presenting and actually could pass as that. Mf questioned the system of gender and then proceeded to do fuckall with it. Gets forced into crossdressing but underlines it with "but im not a lesbian" the whole way through. What cowardice. What theory and no practice. What bark but no bite. What a non-theme. Haruhi is the opposite of punk. Centrist ass take of an anime.
Ahem. Biases aside. I just feel like it fails as a romance, fails saying anything substantial about gender or class and ultimately ends up being meaningless fluff at best and pro-rapist and anti-woman at worst.
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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I started drawing this next day after I finished Act 6
13 or so days and it's finished!
Main things are traditional and Loop's body was edited digitally after
Unedited it looks like this
I've been torn on how to do Loop's body for the entirety of lining, also
A bit sad the main lines are visible only as a wip, most of this thing is literally just a ton of sharp lines
I think it's also my first day of drawing, Loop is just a sketch here (feat. my leg)
I even finished the beans before it so they were a moral support, because if you let me things like this take a year
#fanart#my art#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#isat loop#loop#traditional art#artists on tumblr#Phew#So anyway this was my way of figuring out my thoughts after finishing the game#I didn't even actually finish it with credits playing at that moment#This type of art is my therapy#And in a way literally how my personality works from big figures to small details of thinking about anything#It's really calming!#I won't tag paper figures but they're here#Like special guests#In any case the funniest thing was showing this to my English teacher and she was like 'wow this looks stressed' or something#Like she immediately looked at the lines and after I showed her my old Flowey drawing like this she was like#'oh it makes sense! This one looks calm but this one is clearly you not feeling good'#Because I was kinda#Like sitting there in the semi-park and feeling sick since morning before I started drawing this and slowly I got better#I already talked about this on my first 'big' isat thing - I needed to think a bit#And not think at the same time just literally letting myself sort stuff out#Like. I fell asleep at 6 am that day and woke up at 10 4 hours of sleep after playing full Act 5 and two hats stuff IS STRESSFUL#SUPER STRESSFUL! Like I felt like I was playing for 4 hours while sleeping#Anyway by the time I finished it aka today I'm feeling way better and I'm literally talking a walk right now#Touching grass as we speak#Anyway phew!#Now to that animatic that's plaguing my mind to draw it nowww
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#wait#romana learns of adric's fate early in her presidency and goes back to save him#takes him to gallifrey (there's nowhere else for him to go)#then she promptly gets kidnapped and tortured for 20 years#and they both have an absolutely miserable time. (tags via @natequarter)
Right. So. I’ve been rotating this AU in my mind for A While now since I re-listened to The Apocalypse Element before starting Gallifrey and sort of have two main options for when Romana would go back and save him:
(under a readmore bc whoops this got long)
Option 1: as you said, early in her presidency she decides to have a quick peek at Adric’s timeline/fate out of curiosity and isn’t happy to learn its cut short so prematurely and pointlessly. Nips out in the presidential TARDIS to rescue him from the freighter. When she realises he has nowhere else to go and he for some reason actually wants to go to Gallifrey, she’s like ‘Fuck it, I’m the President’ and lets him stay. Besides, the Doctor got to drop an alien off on Gallifrey, so why can’t she. He works as an assistant to her while she tries to change the laws to allow him and other non-Gallifreyans into the Academy
When Romana is kidnapped with Etra Prime, his frustration with not being able to do anything to help the investigation (both that they won't let him help and it's been totally fruitless), results in him stealing a TARDIS a la First Doctor to search for her himself (also gets him away from the effects of the bio-field so he actually gets to physically age a bit because being stuck as a teenager for several decades is a torture in and of itself)
Probably doesnt track down Etra Prime any sooner than canon so TAE happens when it does. Either reunites with Romana and the Doctor during TAE which goes as well as you can imagine (terribly), especially with Adric harbouring resentment towards the Doctor for abandoning him on the freighter to die and also having no idea/doing nothing to try and find/rescue Romana, before then abandoning them both again.
OR only learns of her rescue afterwards and returns to Gallifrey (Romana pardons him for the stolen TARDIS of course), and since they've both changed so fundamentally in that time, they don't connect like they used to
Option 2: After TAE, with the Doctor having told her of Adric's fate (or maybe she found out beforehand but just never had the time while she was settling into presidency), she's determined to not abandon him like the Doctor did, to both of them. So, while she's still on mandated 'rest/recovery' (which she fights against, she's sick of not being able to do anything) she slips out on a TARDIS to rescue him. Cue everyone freaking out about her being kidnapped again before she comes back with some random alien kid
Anyway, after the shock of being rescued by and reunited with Romana wears off, Adric notices there's something deeply Off about her. Of course she actively Does Not Talk about Etra Prime, and he has to learn secondhand from rumours and/or perhaps Leela what happened to her .
Things common to either option:
Adric has his own K-9 unit because Romana was Not sharing hers ('well, actually, he was the Doctor's first and-' 'oh do shut up and just take yours')
Does eventually befriend Leela, but ofc starts off rather dickish towards her because of his superiority complex. They bond over being aliens on Gallifrey, their love of K-9 and concern over Romana.
In his darkest moments, when he feels the most isolated he wonders if it'd been better if Romana had just left him on the freighter
Gallifrey AU where (don’t ask me how) Adric is in the Academy and somehow (mostly due to pure dumb luck and his own K-9) manages to keep foiling the plans of students in the Free Time movement. Brax is amused. Narvin is incredibly pissed off that Romana’s other weird alien pet friend keeps doing his job better than him
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substitute
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#moondrop#<- dca.. they're back in town ...#not tagging sun bc thats just their head :p#anywayyy hopefully this means something to someone. that's all i could ever wish for when it comes to my art#thats probably a bit too sentimental or something but sometimes it's hard to tell if the stuff you make is actually reaching people#or if you're just another person making content to satiate an insatiable crowd#is my art edible? is it a meal to you? is it a one time only thing? does it have any lasting effect on you?#is it just nutrients to sustain you? or is it something that will genuinely stick to you for at least longer than the first second?#i will stop talking now. you can eat my art as much as you'd like but can you at least savor it a little? compliment the chef a little bit?#for the ones who've read this far: this is actually for an AU i've been thinking about recently. i won't be sharing what it's about lol#but if you wanted some context for this... here you go. i'd like to think this has more meaning to it than just being an AU though#and maybe me not disclosing what the AU is will make you think about this post for a bit longer? it's a mystery now....#aaaand i just noticed i forgot the bells on the ribbon on their arm. great. excellent. perfect. whatever
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#art tag#gortcas#casim carnarvon#sorry guys proper context some other time maybe idk how to do it right now so no caption it is🤕#the tldr is that Gortash offhandedly talked about how Cas can make him as fat as he pleases but really it wont make him him his#basically that he only allows Cas to have his way but hes still in full control#which is true yes and Cas knows that to an extent but its not something he wants to hear#because Cas very much holds onto the hope that Gortash will be his forever at some point. phsyically#because again. Cas won't ever believe just words he simply is unable to even if Gortash could never love anyone else#at the same time while yes he obviously enjoys the whole weight gain he does not consider his own enjoyment a good reason to do things#Cas is someone that very much disregards his own enjoyment of things as well as his wellbeing#Cas is just pulling away instead of acting mad in an obvious way. hes sticking around but hes not feeding or teasing him about his weight#and Gortash? is now left with not knowing how to fix it since Cas isnt acting as he usually does when hes hurt or mad. hes still there#and day after day passes where he yearns to have it back. practically begging Cas to continue so he can prove his devotion#prove that he mustve been wrong with his comment. that Cas can push his body as far as he wants to and he'll be his in the end#thx for reading my tags guys maybe i can share more about this scene some other time🙂↕️ for now just have the art
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My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for
More pictures under cut
#loscar#logan sargeant#ls2#oscar piastri#op81#and now starts the rant#my fave detail is probably tge eye. there few beads like this and they were laying around until my friend said that they look loscar relate#so o started making making whole thing around that bc in my opinion it's genius (also sorry this is gonna have extremely long tags bc i had#run out of them once. maximum is 30 apparently)#I'll go by lains from here so first obviously eagle. i think it's hilarious and what's even funnier is that i bought those charms before#even knowing who Logan was. just for shit and giggles#also to coala i added a bead on top to somewhat match the height#also i love mixing up their colours bc I'm insane about that. how they ideal negatives of eachother and how orange fits logan while blue-os#so i also mixed it up with those animals charms and their attachments here#next stop - oscar lane. there not a lot of black which is bas but at least last heart is actually black. beads above it represents eyes#(you can see with doodles) and next one is for his hair but i couldn't find how to show it#and round see through bead i use for his helmet bc it shines with red yellow and blue#middle part - i talked about the eye but also beads above it. i tried to match tones so they won't clash#then fish and i love that it's in form of heart bc i associate both of them with water so much i needed something here#and bead underneath that is for Logan eyes ofc. for doodles there tried to use brown so oscar would have blond/logan brown but didn't work#AND READ HEART. “-WELL IT'S NOT YELLOW” “PREMA RED THEN?”#as you can see I'm totally normal about their prema times plus i love how it stands out with everything else and can be read as#usual meaning of red hearts. also made out of corals so it fits them too#and last but not least - Logan my beloved#first and foremost STARS#I added as much as humanly possible party bc of American meme party bc i fucking love stars and associate him with them#also added all williams shades of blue and even white so it covers all that#okay no I lied a bit bc i used a button for their dark blue#another thing i would like to mention is metal ring bc it has extremely small hearts on it that you need to look for to notice#I HIT LIMIT FUCK.last thing to say is how I tried to play with circles in middle of every lane. okay goodbye
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"Oh, I know very well. How the puzzles beckon so sweetly...
As expected of you, Layton.
Only an honest death will cure you now."
...
expanding on that Lady Maria vibe for Descole from the first Laytonborne post, and that famous boss intro.
Descole would make a hellish boss fight, i know it. i mean have you SEEN how he moved during Eternal Diva and with that big ass sword? now imagine that with Soulsborne-scale strength and possible other additional powers.
plus his theme could be pretty easily adapted into a Bloodborne boss style piece I think, just add more orchestra heavy brass and cellos and some ominous Latin chanting choir and presto. that organ goes so hard too.
#the csp file is called 'descorpse' on my computer.#professor layton#hershel layton#jean descole#>>mango(t)art#tw blood#laytonborne#yeah i guess i'm gonna make up a tag just to keep track in case given how this got away from me#i went ages overthinking whether to use the original line or change it a bit to the character#went down a rabbit hole about Maria's original JP line being a wordplay and the ENG localisation having a double-meaning too#i won't explain it all just in tags for non-BB people but basically when Maria speaks about how ''a corpse should be left well alone''#she's not just talking about herself#and so i wanted to add a bit of descole's voice to the line and borrowed the famous ''broken husk'' bit#what other ''broken husk'' he speaks of... is up to your imagination for now. in true soulsborne storytelling fashion.#(read: i ain't got a plot or clue what i'm creating here right now it's just vibes)#can you tell i downloaded a butt-ton of brushes to play with and had fun testing them?
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I'm getting to work I promise, but god I'm such a fucking nerd, I was trying to think of rewards to give myself for finishing my Nursing Job Homework and I thought to myself "ooh I've been meaning to check out a few different Nursing Job book references on pharmacology so I can train new nurses better!!" this maybe sounds like I'm trying to brag about how diligent I am, and I'm super not, I'm flushing my own head in the toilet for being such a dork. One of the other rewards I'm considering is being allowed to write a real long post about nursing diagnoses. What happened to me
#nursing tag#okay but nursing dxs are really interesting and are a great example of the different between medicine and nursing#which i won't talk about now!! because i just don't want to work on my papers!!
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pacing around my room, muttering "it doesn't matter" with tears streaming down my face and shaking my hands as if water were on them. if only it didn't, cause clealy it does. what doesn't matter? what actually does? all of it? none of it? the few things? the handful of people? the collapse of my health? the ruin of the country? the deaths across the world? the past? the present? the future? none of it? all of it? fuck it
#bpd be bpding#mine#am writing#i can't even reach out to anyone because everyone is also not well right now#and i'm always not well#just a burden#fuck it#i feel so utterly alone it's fucking stupid#even my family is making me feel like my time isn't valuable#i've been waiting on my parents for an hour to do something and they won't get off their phones so i've just been writing#i hate phones - i can't make conversation with my parents or older sibling because they're always on their phones#chronic loneliness#talking in the tags
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