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fungateshortcakes · 21 hours ago

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Personal attention ASMR

Don't ask questions just run with it

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader

Summary: You use Logan as your ASMR model

Wordcount: 2.4k (this was supposed to be a drabble what happened)

Warnings/tags: none, english is not my first language, fluff, established relationship, reader is gender neutral but is described to wear acrylic nails, sharp or dull challenge, hair brushing, face tracing, nail tapping, face masks, implied that reader wifes Logan up in the future lol

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The cozy glow of a string of fairylights illuminated Logan as he sat in his armchair, a beer in hand, watching you fiddle with your - what did you call it? - ASMR setup? You struggled to get your camera into the right position on your tripod without knocking off the little hypersensitive microphones that extended from each side.

Logan sat there with an amused smile, but as his eyes wandered over the coffee table that was packed with various tools he couldn't name, facemasks that ran too pink and glittery for his liking- in that moment he thought, why the hell had he agreed to this? Your damned puppy eyes and sweet kisses, that's why.

"You're seriously gon' make me do this?" he asked you, standing up from his seat to stretch. "You agreed to it" you pouted before laughing. "Do I have to let you sign something next time?"

Logan rolled his eyes playfully at your words, shaking his head and lifting his hands dismissively "Nah, I'm kiddin'. I'll do it. But just cause it's you" he replied, helping you connect everything. You gave his rugged cheek a biiig kiss "You're the best boyfriend ever"

Logan chuckled and gave you back some sloppy, over the top kisses to your own cheeks until you were grossed out giggling. "I won't take the blame if your lil' fans don't like it though"

You shook your head. "I am sure they will love it. And you have nothing to worry about except being relaxed and looking pretty. I'll handle the rest" you teased him, smoothing out the thick neutral grey coloured blanket on your carpet in front of the couch, adding a matching pillow for Logan to rest his head on.

He shimmied into position on the ground so he looked directly into the camera hanging over his face. You made sure that his face was entirely in frame, fiddling with the contrast controls of the camera. The warm light from the fireplace contoured the left side of his face while the cold fairylights illuminated the right side of it, creating a interesting and aesthetical pleasing scene. This was gonna be great!

After everything was tuned to perfection, you knelt down over Logans head so you had all the access to his face that you needed. You had even gotten new acrylic nails for the occasion!

You rubbed your hands together "So, one of the most important rules of ASMR is no talking, only whispering. Okay? We want the ambience to be nice and peaceful" you explained excitedly to him. You knew that Logan knew what he was getting into - somewhat. The concept of ASMR wasn't too foreign to him. That comes with having a better half that does ASMR content for a living, but you still wanted to make sure.

Logan scoffed, snorting "Right. Peaceful. That's me"

You slapped his chest, shooting him a mocking glare in the process. "Shush now. I want to start" Logan blew a rasberry at you but quickly settled down after you switched on the camera for recording.

You showed your freshly manicured nails into the camera, tapping the crisp acrylic before slightly scraping them over Logans face "Welcome to another personal attention ASMR. My model for today is my beautiful boyfriend. He was kind enough to be of assistance" you whispered into the microphones, your voice soft and quiet.

Logan huffed at your words, only a small smile playing at his lips but he chose to not say anything and let you work. "We will be starting by tracing his face." you cooed gently, tapping the tips of your nails against his cheek with your left hand while your right hand mimicked the movements off-screen on a wooden board "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, he is a lumberjack, so he is more wood than man" you giggled into the mic, making Logans eyes roll at the corniness. But he couldn't deny that it felt nice.

You drew tingly patterns on his face, each sounding like scratching across crisp wood. You poked three dots under his eyes, drew an x on his forhead over and over again, traced over his frownlines and trailed your nail over his face in a continous line until you gently proded at his lips, making it sound like you knocked on them. He gave the tip of your nail a brief kiss, making you sigh out a smile into the mic. You tapped his face a few more times until you decided to switch up the trigger.

"Next, we will be playing a very popular little game" you spoke in a shushed tone, creating a bit of anticipation before you showed the camera two tools. One was a make-up brush, the other a kind of metal dermaroller with rotating spikes. You brought the tools to Logans head after you parted his hair to your liking "I'm going to touch your scalp with different textures. One is dull-" you started to explain, dragging the soft bristles of your brush over his head "-and the other one is going to be sharp like this" you ended, dragging the spiky roller across. "You feel the difference?" Logan nodded at your question, a low grumble sounding in the back of his throat.

"Good. I want you to tell me which one you feel, sharp or dull. Close your eyes for me, baby" you cooed quitely, humming as Logan did as he was told.

You angled his head a bit to have easier access, taking your time to part his hair neatly in a different location than before until you were ready to start. You stippled the brush against his head, waiting for an answer. "Dull" he whispered and for a second, you felt your chest tighten with joy. He was actually playing along and taking this seriously, it warmed your heart. When you said he was the best boyfriend, you meant it.

You switched the tool, drawing a line with the spike roller from the back all the way in front to his hairline, picking it up again and waiting for his reaction. "Sharp" he murmured and wow, his voice was very relaxing like this. You always found his voice soothing, but his deep whispers were another level. "Very good" you praised and a little proud smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. You decided to use the sharp roller again, letting it hit his skin only shortly before stopping. "Sharp" he replied, enjoying the way the tool made strong tingles errupt from the very top of his head all the way down his back. This was nice.

Your fingers raked through his hair, choosing another part of his head to part. You swiped the tip of your brush over him next, nodding as he whispered "Dull" to you in a hushed voice. You took your time to admire his face for a moment. It wasn’t tense nor taught, the usual frown line between his brows smoothed out and barely visible.

Another stipple of your brush "Dull", another turn of your roller "Sharp".

If you asked Logan, you could do this forever. He would prefer to be completely silent, though. And for you to only use the spiky tool.

To tease him a bit, you used both the brush and the dermaroller at the same time, softly giggling at the way his nose scrunched a bit in confusion. "Come again?" he whispered, a gruffness in his tone. You did, watching him lose faith in himself. As you repeated it the third time, he cracked open an eye and tried to keep his reaction as quiet as he could as to not mess up the video "That ain't fair, sugar" he said a little louder than intended, making you softly giggle into the microphone.

You put your stuff away, ready to move onto the next trigger. Your nails found his coarse beard, scratching along the thick mutton chops in circles while you explained what you were going to do next. "Now that we have messed up his hair quite a bit, I think it’s time for a bit of hair brushing" you whispered, cooing at the way Logan purred almost like a cat as you played with his beard. You kept that in mind for next time.

You sat back and got a neat brush, showing it off to the camera, tapping your nails against the plastic backside a little, before letting your fingers glide over the bristles slowly, softly whispering "bruushhh, bruushhh" over and over again.

When you started, Logan fought the urge to roll his eyes into the back of his head. Your slow strokes just hit the spot, tingles and shivers exploding on his head. If the little spike tool felt like heaven already, then this was absolute nirvana. Now this was something you could do for the rest of his life.

Your gentle whispers of brushing fell on deaf ears as Logan tried not to hum at the feeling of the bristles scratching over his scalp. You combed through his whole head of hair multiple times, changing out the brushes and combs from time to time to not make it boring for the viewers and to give Logan different sensations.

When you were done, you settled on scratching his scalp with your nails instead, both hands under his head, massaging in deep circles. "Oh wow" Logan couldn’t help but murmur, closing his eyes for a second to stop them from trying to roll back. You could practically see the shudder that went through him at that, his mouth slightly agape.

As you stopped to get your next pieces of equipment, Logans eyes fluttered open, darting around as if he had just randomly woken up in the middle of nowhere, completely disoriented. It was cute.

"Last but not least, I have some face masks prepared for him." you muttered, presenting the camera a glittery, foaming face mask, swirling a brush through the bowl it was in, the soft crackling of the bubbles being picked up by the mic.

"But first, we will lightly prep his skin. Close your eyes for me, love" you whispered to Logan who gladly let his eyes flutter shut. You used a clear face primer, putting it on his face in little droplets all over before moving to get your sparkly water globes. You turned the globes in your hand, a satisfying glug glug glug emitting from them, iridescent glitter swirling inside. You brought them together at the bottom ever so gently as to not make them break over Logans face, a sound you either loved or hated coming from them as they bounced off of each other quickly.

Then you let the round, bulbous sides glide over Logans face to spread the primer and work it into his skin. At first he slightly jumped from the sudden coldness, but it didn’t take long for him to ease into it as the bulbs warmed up.

You were swiping the smooth globes over his skin effortlessly, removing the puffiness from under his eyes, massaging his cheeks in circular motions and easing any kind of headache as you glid over his forhead and temples. He could really really get used to this.

Like with everything else, you ended this treatment far too soon for his liking. And if he didn't know any better, he would actually start to protest.

The next thing he knew, he felt something cold and gel-like being pressed to his under eyes. Nurishing eye patches - sparkling, probably. Then he heard you rub your hands together, before your palms landed on his cheeks. The foam on your hands crackled loudly at the contact, the bubbles bursting and popping on his skin. You massaged it in, cooeing and making sounds with your mouth. His head lolled a little, too relaxed and sleepy for his own good. But he wasn't about to fall asleep, nuh uh, he wouldn’t fall asleep because of some ASMR stuff.

By the time your hands were back on his scalp to let the foam mask really sink in before washing it off, he was gone. Out like a light

At first, you hadn't even noticed, mindlessly scratching and massaging his head thoroughly with your nails and admiring his relaxed face, thinking about how lucky you were to have him. You had boyfriends before that laughed in your face when you asked them to be part of a video. When they realised you weren't joking, they got mad and lashed out, telling you that not even over their dead body would they sit there like a dumbass and have you whispering weird bulshit in their ear. You were disappointed, a simple no would have done it. But they were angry like it was something deeply personal. Not Logan though, he was a sweetheart.

He acted like he didn't want to, that he was only doing this because you batted your eyelashes at him, but deep down you knew he liked doing these things for you, seeing you so happy and excited was enough. If he was truly against it, he wouldn’t be in this position right now.

You liked to think he was secretly actually enjoying this - imagine your face as you realised he had fallen dead asleep, softly snoring as you wiped the foam mask off his face ever so gently as to not wake him up. "He has fallen asleep, guys" you whispered into the mic, the giddy smile could be heard from your voice even though your face wasn’t visible. You couldn't believe it. Your big, beefy teddy bear of a boyfriend fell asleep because of a little pampering.

You cooed softly, rubbing the last oil treatment onto his skin, being extra careful and gentle with him. "If you liked this video, leave a like, consider following my channel and leave a comment if you want to see more boyfriend content" you said in a hushed voice, coddling the face of your sleeping boyfriend. "See you next time, lovelies!" you whispered, booping Logans nose before switching off the camera.

Your boyfriend continued to snooze even after that, laying there unbothered with a glowy face. And it that moment you knew, maybe it was time. Just maybe, a few videos later, you could welcome your fans to another ASMR video with your husband.

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This idea came to me so randomly, i hope you guys still like it. Let me know in the comments please and leave a like, reblog if you want <3 I love to see it🎀

#logan howlett x reader #x men #hugh jackman #logan x reader #wolverine x reader #x reader #logan howlett #marvel #logan wolverine #logan howlett fluff #fluff

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buttercuparry · 1 day ago

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There is just so much dissonance in seeing the world light up around me, while knowing that there are thousands of people in Gaza who won't be able to celebrate the New Year. There is nothing to celebrate when you are living in a tent and have to spend the cold winter nights out in the open, there is no joy when you and your loved ones have not had a proper meal in almost a year. I have been talking to my friend Alaa Amsse ( @alaa-mari-hamza ) and she said that her little children, Maria and Hamza, are very fond of chocolates and possibly during the New Year's Eve, she would have bought them some sort of treat to celebrate. But right now, when people cannot even buy sugar, a piece of chocolate is a luxury. This is not how Alaa ever imagined her children's life would be. No one in Gaza ever imagined living under an accelerated genocide.

I have no words left to say. There is no way to repeat the same things over and over again to however many people who maybe following the tags here. I only request you to keep talking about Palestine; to keep boycotting, and protesting and please, please keep boosting and donating to Alaa.

Verification by @/90-ghost

#free palestine

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dailynnt · 3 days ago

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FRIENDS WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE

Summary: What happens when two best friends try to get along under the same roof? You've been living with Jungkook for three months now, but your cohabitation is still a challenge for you. He continues to live like a real bachelor without following the rules you agreed upon from the beginning of your decision to live together. Should you find a compromise or should you find a new place to live?

Couple: Jeon Jungkook/ Fem!Reader

Characters: The Reader, Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jeon Hosuk.

🔞 Age restrictions: 18+

👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻 Relationships: ⚤

📕 Number of part: 15/?

🖇️ Tags: best friends, friends with benefits, slow longing, sexual tension, protected sex, unprotected sex, alcohol, drunken sex, inexperienced main character, mafia au, illegal trade, deaths of minor characters, weapons, swear words. Tags will be added as the story is written.

👩🏼‍💻 From the author: Guys, this is crazy. I spent a lot of nerves writing this part. It was the hardest for me. It's also the longest of all the parts I've written. Please, at least there were a minimum of mistakes 🤏🏻 🙏🏻 In this part, we learn more about the clan in which Jungkook works. And oh my god, what is Jungkook going to do with Doohoon? 😵 Please let me know in the comments how you like this part 🥺🫠🫶🏻

🫂Dedication: For you, my love @myjungkookthighs. You are my favorite person 😘🥰 You know that I appreciate you very much and love you🥰💜

⚠️ Warning: English is not my native language, so there may be mistakes in the text. Please don't get mad at me too much! Those under 18, please don't read this story!

📋Tag list: @myjungkookthighs, @notsevenwithyou (If anyone wants to be in my tag list let me know)

≣ Chapter Index ↓

Part 15. Who are you, Jungkook?

𓏧POV Jungkook𓏧

"She's pretty." - Jungkook hears his ex-girlfriend's voice from somewhere in the distance. Jungkook looks after you. He remembers your expression, you looked angry. But he can't really tell if it's because of Doohoon or because of his ex's appearance. He wants so badly to follow you, not to stand here and look at the face of the person he thought he would never see again in his life.

Ha Young hasn't changed much, her eyes as mischievous and playful as ever. She was never serious, like you, for example. She was indifferent to everything. She only cared about her image and the money she had to have in a constant flow.

Jungkook looks at his ex with an angry look. Who is she to judge you? She never loved you, and it always annoyed Jungkook.

Jungkook recalls the time when they were dating against his will.Jungkook remembers how they would fight every time Ha Young found out that he was talking to you.

"She looks much better in person than in the photo. I never thought I'd get to meet your precious bestie." - Ha Young says sweetly. Jungkook clenches his jaw. He's only here to find out what this woman is doing here, and why she's in the company of his former friend and now enemy.

He doesn't have time to listen to her thoughts on you. All he can think about is that you're alone and he's not there. Doohoon is here, which means he will try to get closer to you. He threatened to have you. Not in this life. Jungkook won't give you to anyone because he's become so greedy for you. He doesn't understand what these feelings are, but the thought of you being with another man drives him crazy. Not to mention Doohoon, who can only get you over his dead body.

"You have exactly one minute to talk." - Jungkook says coldly. He has to hurry to get to you, and he doesn't have time for anything else.

"In a hurry? Want to see your upset bestie? She's angry. She's probably dying of jealousy." - Ha Young said and smiled wickedly.

"You'd better speak to the point." - Jungkook says threateningly. Ha Young stops laughing. Jungkook's furious look makes her nervous. But she has a plan to follow.

"Don't get mad, champ. I was just joking." - Ha Young smiles sweetly as she looks at Jungkook. God, he's even hotter than he was before. Maybe she'll have a chance to get into his pants. She has no doubt that she's better than you in bed, and she could make Jungkook feel good. The sight of him now just makes her drool. "I want to smoke a cigarette. Can we go to the smoking room?" - Jungkook clenches his fists nervously, he's hesitant to go with his ex or not. Is he worried about you. He decides it shouldn't take long. A quick conversation and he'll be back with you. Besides, you're under the protection of Hoseok and Taehyung.

Ha Young walks in front, Jungkook walks a little behind. He doesn't look at her at all. He's holding his phone in his hand and checking a text from Hayato.

This guy belongs to Jungkook's group. He is Japanese by birth and lives in Korea. He speaks good Japanese, so he is very helpful in getting the devices back. Hayato writes that the devices were transported to Sapporo. And that Doohoon is personally supervising the transportation. Jungkook wants to curse. Doohoon, that dambass. He getting tired of him doing this shit.

Jungkook writes to Hayato to find out where the devices will be delivered to Spapporo. He also asks for information on how to pick them up.

The loud music and conversations fade away as Jungkook and Ha Young find themselves in a room in front of the restrooms. The room is large. It has sofas and tables with ash trays on them. There is a slight smell of cigarette smoke in the air. There are hoods working here.

Ha Young sits down on one of the sofas and takes out a cigarette from a small black handbag. She seems to have taken it only to have a place to put the pack of cigarettes. Jungkook stands at a distance. He doesn't want to smoke with her. Although he wouldn't mind smoking one to calm his nerves.

Ha Young takes a drag and then a thick cloud of smoke leaves her mouth. She takes another drag and then smiles with satisfaction.

"So is it true that you guys are fucking?" - Ha Young asks, her eyes radiating pure curiosity.

"Do you think it's any of your business?" - Jungkook replies dryly. Ha Young laughs. She takes another drag and blows out smoke.

"Doohoon told me you're fucking her. And that you've wanted to do it for a long time. You wanted to fuck her even when we were dating?" - She asks. Jungkook is angry. Not only is Doohoon a dumb asshole, he also has a big mouth.

"You were fucking Taejoon when we were dating." - Jungkook reminds his ex. "Is it worth it for you to bring up that time now?"

The reason they broke up was because of an affair. Jungkook met Ha Young at a club in Namjoon, the same club where he fought. She worked there as a ring model. They are the ones who carry the signs with the round numbers.

He remembers her flirting and seducing Jungkook. She was always hanging around him because he was the best fighter. Their romance started quickly because they instantly became passionate. They dated for over six months. Ha Young always supported and cheered for Jungkook. She was good at relationships and always knew how to make Jungkook feel good.

Jungkook doesn't know if he was in love with her at the time or not, but he enjoyed being in this relationship. He shared absolutely everything with Ha Young. She knew everything about him without exception. He also told her about you.

When she saw your picture and found out how you were talking to her boyfriend, she often made scenes of jealousy and asked Jungkook to talk to you less. He was angry at this request. He couldn't give you up for his girlfriend. You were his friend for a very long time and he had special feelings for you that no one could understand. You are someone who must be in his life.

But in order not to upset his girlfriend, he stopped writing and calling you first. He was happy to communicate with you when you took the initiative, but after a while your communication went down to a minimum.

When the "super fight" situation happened, Ha Young began to distance herself from Jungkook. While he was dealing with the police, she hardly ever came to see Jungkook at the hospital, almost never answered Jungkook's messages, and even less often answered the phone when he called. Then later he found out that Ha Young was hooked up with Taejoon. He was Namjoon's man. Jungkook found out that she had been fucking him for months.

Jimin was the one who helped Jungkook find out the truth about his girlfriend. He remembers when they broke up. He wanted to punch that Taejoon guy in the face, but Jimin stopped him. He told him that Taejoon was close to Namjoon and if he picked a fight with him, his boss wouldn't like it. And Jungkook would get into big trouble with Namjoon himself. And since Jungkook already has a big debt, there's no need to make things even more complicated. "Some cheap vagina isn't worth the trouble." - Jimin said at the time. It was a big blow to him and he had a hard time with the divorce. But working for Namjoon helped him quickly forget those hard times. Ha Young disappeared from his life, and then Jungkook decided that he would not have a serious relationship, certainly not with the life he had. One-night stands were the best solution.

But now, looking at this woman, he feels nothing. Despite her beautiful dress and makeup, she doesn't look attractive.

Ha Young didn't say anything. She was silent because she had nothing to say. Jungkook knows that Taejoon bought his ex-girlfriend. And he bought her very cheaply.

"So what? Is she better than me in bed?" - Ha Young asked, almost finishing her cigarette. She only had a few puffs left.

"That's none of your fucking business. Tell me why you're here with Doohoon. How come the two of you are here with him?" - Jungkook says rudely. He's already tired of this dialog.

Ha Young slowly finished her cigarette and put it out, throwing it into the ashtray. She stood up and walked over to Jungkook.

"You've become so hard to me. Have you forgotten how good we had together? Is it because of your bestie?" - Ha Young asked as she touched Jungkook's chest with her hand. She lowered her voice to sound more sexy. Jungkook looked down at her hand and after a moment, he pushed it. He didn't want her to touch him.

"Listen, Ha Young. Don't mess with my head. I don't have time for your empty talk and memories from three years ago. If you don't start talking now, I'm going to leave. I'll find out for myself why you're here. And God forbid I find out that you're here because Doohoon brought you here for some plan. You'll regret ever being born." - Jungkook says threateningly. His eyes burn with rage.

Ha Young feels her skin crawl at Jungkook's tone. She's both scared and excited. Has he always been this fucking hot? Ha Young smiles to hide the embarrassment Jungkook has caused her.

This is why she's here. She has a debt to Doohoon and to get rid of it, she has to fulfill her part of the plan. Right now, her task is to get him to talk so that Doohoon can talk to his lovely friend. And then she has to do something special. But she has to wait for a sign.

"Do you want to know why I am here, Kook?" - Ha Young asks.

"You wanted to tell me yourself, that's why we're here now." - Jungkook replies. He senses that something is wrong. Is she stalling or something?

"Actually, I'm here because of you." - She finally starts to speak. "I've been communicate to Doohoon for a long time. Like a year or something. Once... I was saved by Doohoon. The client was terrible, he... I thought I wasn't going to get out of there alive." - Jungkook's ex says with a desperation Jungkook doesn't believe. He scrunches up his face.

"A client?" - He asks again. "What do you do for a living?"

"I work as an escort." - Ha Young says casually. Jungkook nods his head with an indifferent look. Ah, nothing has changed. Instead of a cheap prostitute, she's become an elite one.

"I see. So what? Why are you here because of me?" - Jungkook asks.

"Doohoon told me everything about you. When I found out that you were fucking your precious bestie, I felt so terribly jealous. She always pissed me off. I guess she got what she wanted. Didn't she?" - Jungkook's ex said, her voice bitter. "I've been thinking about you, darling, ever since we broke up. I want you back." - Jungkook laughed softly. Is she stupid or what? What does she take him for if she thinks he'll fall for that fairy tales?

"Really?" - Jungkook laughed.

"Yes, dear, I came here not because of him, but because of you! Jungkook, I remember us. The passion we had." - Ha Young's eyes light up. She moves closer to Jungkook, her voice softer but provocative. "We could start over. I'm better than her. I know the real you." - Jungkook looks at his ex with contempt.

"You don't know the real me. And I don't want to have anything to do with you." - Jungkook says cold.

"You can deny it all you want, but I know you haven't forgotten me. We were perfect together." - Ha Young says. She hears her phone vibrate three times. It's a message from Doohoon. It's a sign, she just needs to wait a few seconds. Doohoon is supposed to text three messages when he's at the door.

Ha Young walks up unexpectedly and presses herself against Jungkook and suddenly kisses him. She captures his lips immediately remembering the feeling. They taste so sweet.

Jungkook is confused, he didn't expect his ex to kiss him. She grabbed his collar and clung to him with her lips. As soon as he comes to his senses, he pushes her away. But not too hard so that she doesn't get hurt. Ha Young smiles with satisfaction at Jungkook.

He raises his eyebrows. He wants to yell at her, but with his peripheral vision, he notices someone outside the smoking room door. Jungkook turns his head, and everything stops inside him.

Your dazed eyes seem to cut him to pieces. Behind you, Doohoon is standing, holding your shoulders and smiling. Jungkook thinks he's going to lose his mind. Are you here with him? Did you see everything?

Jungkook quickly walks over to you. But when he opens the door, all he sees is your back. You run down the hall to the exit. Jungkook urgently needs to explain everything to you.

But Doohoon is standing in his way. Jungkook is so angry that nothing can hold him back.

Doohoon sees you running away because you didn't want to talk to Jungkook. He turns his head and is one step away from Jungkook.

"What did you do, you bastard?" - Jungkook hisses. Ha Young runs after him. She stands silently behind her ex-boyfriend.

"Really, Jungkook, do you have an obsession with taking my girls?" - Doohoon provokes Jungkook. He is already shaking with rage.

"How dare you touch her bastard? I told you that if you lay a finger on her, you'll be begging for breath!" - Jungkook clenches his fists so hard that his fingers crack. Doohoon smiles. Come on, dumbass, it's almost showtime.

"I was just talking to my friend. You don't seem to share anything with her. I told her the truth about you. She was shocked that you belong to the mafia." - This is the last thing he says before he meets Jungkook's fist with his face. The blow is so hard that Doohoon falls to the ground. His eyebrow throbs and hurts like hell. Doohoon feels warm blood trickling down his cheek.

Jungkook is blinded by anger. He's ready to just beat the bastard to death. How did he end up next to you? How did he get the chance to talk to you? Did he tell you that Jungkook belongs to the mafia? Where is everyone? How did he set it up so you could see that kiss? He swears he's going to kill Doohoon today.

Jungkook climbs on top of Doohoon, grabs his hair, and punches him in the face. He puts so much force into each punch that Doohoon's face instantly bleeds. This is the bastard's payback for everything he's done. For the stolen instruments, for the harassment, for telling you things you were never supposed to know, for bringing that whore in here who kissed him in front of you.

Doohoon laughs. He's hurt, but he knows that now Jungkook is in trouble. He doesn't mind sacrificing his face for the sake of the perfect execution of the plan. The plan to ‘destroy Jungkook’. This idiot is like a rabbit caught in a trap.

"I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch!"- Jungkook shouts as he smashes Doohoon's face beyond recognition. "How dare you lay a finger on her?" - Jungkook is furious.

Doohoon could have really died today. But he is saved by the guys from the Namjoon clan.

Jimin is the first to run into the hallway and sees Jungkook punching Doohoon. Jimin tries to pull Jungkook away, but he's too strong. He shoves Jimin away and continues his work. Doohoon has to die so that Jungkook can finally live in peace.

Taehyung comes to help Jimin. People rush into the room. Yamada and his bodyguards. Jin and Hoseok are here. Ha Young is also among these people. She's the one who called for help. Jungkook is dragged away from Doohoon by force. Taehyung and Jimin can barely hold him, but Jungkook breaks free and screams.

"Let me go, I'll kill him." - Hoseok and Jin also run over to calm Jungkook down. Ha Young runs over to Doohoon and leans over him.

"Please call an ambulance!" - She begs.

Jungkook just can't be held back. He sees his friends and is so angry at them.

"Where the fuck were you guys? Why did you let him be around her?" - The guys look at Jungkook in confusion. Didn't he call them outside because he had something important to tell them?

"Buddy, calm down!" - Jimin finally says when Jungkook is pressed against the wall and breathing heavily. His hands are bruised and covered in blood. His face is also smeared with Doohoon's blood.

"What's going on here, Mr. Jeon?" - Yamada asks. Jungkook is out of his mind. He ignores the party host's question and turns to Jimin.

"Where the fuck is she?" - Jungkook is still breathing heavily. He is released, he stands up straight and his posture is tense.

"I saw her get into a taxi." - Jungkook hears Jin's voice. Jungkook takes off running, passing all the people who came to help Doohoon. When he reaches the half-conscious Doohoon, he stops. Ha Young defends his partner and several of Yamada's guards tense up with their hands on their guns.

Jungkook looks at his ex with contempt as she so desperately defends Doohoon.

"I swear, you fucking bastard. I'll blow your head off if you ever show up near Y/N again." - Jungkook throws in a final word and walks out of the hallway. He leaves the restaurant to find you.

***

Your hands are shaking. You feel something painful squeezing your chest, preventing you from breathing in properly. Tears are running down your cheeks, forming a wet path. Each new tear runs along the established route, hot on the trail and instantly cold.

Your head hurts, from crying and an endless stream of thoughts. Oh God, you're going to go crazy.

You bought a ticket for a night flight to Korea. Your first thought when you realized who Jungkook and his friends really were was to run away. Are they the mafia and who knows what's in their heads? Maybe this trip to Japan is some kind of mafia business. What if you get hurt because of them? You have to run away, right?

You haphazardly stuff your things into your suitcase and beg yourself to get out of there before Jungkook comes. You knew he would. Maybe that's the only thing you know about him. Because it turns out you don't know the man at all.

Jungkook is working for the mafia. These words sound so absurd and it didn't fit into your mind. Your Jungkook, the one you've known since childhood, the one who could smile so warmly and sincerely-how could he be connected to this world? Could he really kill people? A whole bag of guns - isn't that strong evidence that he can?

Your relationship with Jungkook turned into a kind of disaster that threatened to break your heart. You succumbed to the feelings he aroused in you. The image of him kissing his ex was tearing you apart.

You see this picture before your eyes, and his words "mine" echo in your head. You are in so much pain. You pressed your hands to your chest and felt a very dull pain. Tears don't help at all, it seems to only get worse. Why did he say those things? Why did he do that to you? Why did he make you fall in love with him? It's not fair. Why did you find out that he belongs to the Mafia and see him kissing his ex one night? Does fate dislike you so much that it's cruel to mock you?

You ran from bathroom to room to get your things. You were getting ready for a party so fast that you threw everything around. Now you need to spend time putting it all in a suitcase.

Almost as you're packing, you think you should call a taxi to take you to the airport. You grab your phone and enter a request into the taxi app with shaking hands.

You hear the door of your room knocking and you freeze. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Your breathing is rapid. You know who it is.

Jungkook runs into the room and sees you. You're crying and you're almost packing your suitcase. He notices that you're dressed in black jeans and a warm sweater. The dress he bought you is lying on the bed.

Your eyes are frightened. You look at Jungkook and your hair stands on end. He's not wearing a coat, just his suit. His hands are smashed and covered in blood. There is also blood smeared on his face. His gaze was intense, and his eyes were dark, as if a storm had settled in them.

Your heart clenched at the sight. It was him, but at the same time not him. The man standing in front of you seemed like a stranger.

"What are you doing?" - His voice was low, almost hoarse.

"I'm leaving." - You say. Your voice trembles and he scratches at your throat.

"Baby no." - Jungkook says desperately. "Please let me explain everything to you?" - He walks toward you.

"Stay away from me." - You ask with fear in your voice. But Jungkook doesn't hear you. He approaches you and grabs you in his arms. You feel as if you've been frozen. You can smell Jungkook's perfume. For a moment, it seems that this is the most ordinary hug that has always been accompanied by this wonderful smell of citrus and lemongrass. This is your favorite smell. But it's all an illusion. This is not the same hug. Jungkook is not the person you know. Who are you, Jungkook?

"Let go." - You cry.

"It's that bastard Doohoon. He set this whole thing up..." - Jungkook explains. Jungkook holds you for a moment longer and takes your face in his hands. His heart breaks at the sight of your crying eyes. "Baby. My favorite little girl. Please, please listen to me. I'll explain everything to you..." - He's begging you so desperately, but you think you've had enough. Enough of all the darkness that shrouds Jungkook's personality.

You are on the verge of an emotional breakdown. You can't see that face in front of you anymore. You pull out of his arms and silently go to your suitcase. You have already called a taxi. You just need to take your things and leave.

"You're not going anywhere!" - Jungkook shouts. He's angry again. He throws your suitcase on the floor and all your things fall out. You are frozen. Jungkook's eyes are furious. You feel fear choking you. You start to cry harder.

"Please." - You cry softly. "Let me go... I'm... I'm afraid of you." - Jungkook almost faints. Why does your look remind him of all the people he's tortured when he needs to extract money or information? Are you really afraid of him? But he would never hurt you in his life. He is so angry about everything that happened that he probably looks like a monster. You look at him like a monster and your eyes are full of fear.

Jungkook is breathing heavily. He doesn't know what to do, but he doesn't want you to leave. He wants to explain everything to you. But do you want to hear him? But it looks like he can't hold you today. You're going to leave anyway, he knows. His world was falling apart right in front of him, and he didn't know how to put it back together.

Jungkook silently walked out, leaving you alone. You quickly gathered your things and left the hotel without a word.

***

When you arrived in Korea, you went straight to Suwon. On the morning of the day after Christmas, you were on your way from the airport to your hometown. You absolutely could not go to Jungkook's apartment. Everything there would remind you of him. You want to forget everything you've learned about him as much as possible. Your emotions get the better of you, you can't think straight.

Your parents were pleasantly surprised by your arrival. Almost from the doorstep, they thanked you for the Christmas gifts you had mailed to them before you left for Japan. Your parents also tried to ask you about your vacation in Niseko, but you lied that you were very tired from the road and would show them photos later. All of your parents' questions about Jungkook were skillfully ignored.

A few days passed. You kept getting texts from Jungkook that you didn't read and calls that you didn't answer. You even wanted to block him once because he called so often that it made you angry. But this morning you haven't received a single text message or call. In your mind, you're excited. Did he really leave you alone? But you were a bad liar. When the whole day passed and Jungkook still hadn't made himself known, you were upset.

Your oppression was so noticeable that your mom was worried. She asked what was wrong but you couldn't tell her. You lied and said it was just a stomachache. But it was really your soul that was hurting.

You lay in bed and thought about Jungkook. He's not the fucking guy you knew. He's a mafia guy. He probably tortures people. He probably uses brute force. Or a gun.

You have a clear image of him in your head, with a mischievous smile and a gentle gaze. You remember his arms hugging you. You just can't imagine those hands holding a gun and killing someone. You cry again because you are torn apart by feelings and common sense. You want him to be with you right now. He would hug you with his face buried in your shoulder, as he often did, and tell you that he would always be there for you. That it was all a bad dream. That he doesn't kill people and that it was just a mistake. You miss him so much that you want to crawl out of your own body. You don't know what to do. You ask mercy for yourself. You can't sleep without him. You are not full when he is not around.

On the other hand, your common sense says that Jungkook is dangerous and he really puts you in danger if you are around him. Knowing the world of crime, it's a constant threat and risk. You get scared. Jungkook must have been on the verge of death more than once. Your heart is squeezed with incredible pain. What should you do? Talk to him? Ask him to leave this world? Will he be able to do it? Your head is bursting with thoughts.

You get an idea. First, you need to find out everything about the RUN NOIR clan, and you have the opportunity. Despite the fact that it's almost three in the morning, you text your sunbaenim from first-year. Kim Ji Sung is a master of his craft. He is a journalist to the core, so if you need to find some hard-to-find information, this man is a real find. You are lucky to have known him. He taught you what a journalist should be, and you managed to get a lot from him during that year of your first year and his last.

So you were one hundred percent sure that he would help you. You write a short message saying that it's a matter of life and death and that you need detailed information about Namjoon and his clan. From the very beginning to the present day.

The night passes and you only fall asleep in the morning.

You didn't get as much sleep as you would have liked. Your eyes opened on their own at 9 am. You stayed in bed until eleven until your mom called you for breakfast.

You checked to see if Ji Sung had read your text. He had, but he didn't reply. You were nervous. Should you remind him about you again? You texted him and waited.

Your mom sat down at the table with you, having finished setting it. Your father was not at home, he was away on business.

"Are you okay, my daughter? Do you have such bags under your eyes? Are you not sleeping well?" - Your mom was worried. You were embarrassed. It was so obvious how you were hurting.

"I'm fine, mom." - You said softly, smiling. "I was just on the phone for a long time. I've lost my normal sleep rhythm with this vacation." - You turned back to your plate and lowered your head so that your mother wouldn't see your depressed mood. Mom started eating breakfast, believing your lie. She told you about Dad and where he had gone. Suddenly she started a conversation that you had been avoiding since you arrived.

"I've been wanting to ask you, dear. How is Jungkook? Did you come to Suwon together?" - Your mom asks with tenderness in her voice. And you feel like you've been electrocuted. The mere sound of his name sets your heart into a frantic gallop.

"No. He didn't come because he has a lot of work to do." - You try to speak calmly. Even though your pulse is pounding loudly in your ears.

"He's so busy all the time. Yonok is so worried about it. She complains to me that she sees her son once a year. You should talk to him. He should come more often." - Your mother said without reproach in her voice. It sounded more like a request. You mumbled that you would try to talk to him. But it doesn't seem like it's going to happen because you know the reason why he comes so rarely, and you don't know if you'll ever see him again.

"I haven't seen him in probably three years. Yeah, the last time was at your graduation. He must have gotten so handsome. He was always such a handsome boy. Does he have a girlfriend now? Yonok didn't tell me anything about whether he had a girlfriend or not. But he might not have told her." - Your mother talked about Jungkook nonstop. You lost your appetite. You decided that you should either change the subject or just leave.

"Mom..." - You called out. But she didn't seem to hear you.

"You know, I went to visit her recently. She asked me about you, and I showed her your photos. She said you've become so beautiful. Yeonok said that Jungkook should pay attention to you. She wouldn't mind if we became family. I support her completely. You know how much I love Jungkook. He's such a good boy. You've known each other since childhood. Don't you make a perfect couple?" - Your mom looks at you and meets your dumbfounded gaze. Even your moms are there too. Why does everyone around you think you're the couple to Jungkook? Is it all your "loving look" fault? But you're more surprised that your moms were discussing it. If they knew what was going on and who Jungkook really is. Would they have wanted him to be your boyfriend?

You are saved by the ringing of the phone. It's Ji Sung. When you see his name, you grab the phone and run to your room. Your mom can't know what this conversation is about. Closing the door behind you, you pick up the phone.

"Hello, Sunbaenim." - You greet.

"Hello, my precious Hubeh." - You hear your sunbae's cheerful voice. "We haven't talked for so long. When I saw your message, I was so happy until I read its content." - He laughs into the phone, you laugh back. "In where are you get into huh?"

"I'm sorry I didn't write to you sooner. I'm sorry. I promise to fix it." - You apologize sincerely. If Ji Sung were standing in front of you, you would bow low. "I didn't really get into anything. But I need information about these people. Can you help me?" - You said with hope in your voice.

"Do you even know who you're asking me to get information about?" - Your sunbae asked seriously.

"I do. They are connected to crime. Sunbaenim, please, I know you can get any information you want. I just need to know who these people are. And how dangerous they are." - You say pleadingly.

"Y/N, I can tell you without any information that Namjoon is very dangerous. And also 6 people close to him. He's a mafioso who holds almost all of Korea. He is definitely unrivaled in Seoul." - Ji Sung says. You're getting anxious. How bad is it?

"Really? And who are the six people who are close to him?" - You wonder if you can find out anything. You hear Ji Sung laughing.

"Y/N, you've always been inquisitive. But in the case of the RUB NOIR clan, this could be your fatal mistake." - Sunbae warns you. You have no choice. You need to take a risk to find out who your friend really is and whether you can help him leave this world.

"I'm begging you, Sunbae. This is important to me. I will owe you a debt. You know that one day you may need me very much." - You don't back down.

"You're still stubborn, I forgot about that." - Ji Sung says with a lament. You laugh into the phone. "Are you so desperate such terrible trouble on your ass? Do you have a boyfriend in their custody or something?" - You can hear your heart beating. Yes, he is. But he's not your boyfriend. Friend? You can't call Jungkook your friend anymore.

"You could say that. I'm going crazy with this. That's why I'm asking you so desperately. I need to know who these people are." - The lie falls from your lips so easily. You pause for no more than a few seconds. "Namjoon and these six people close to him." - You wait for a response. When you hear a loud exhale on the other end of the phone, you hope that your lie has worked.

"Okay." - Your sunbae agrees. "But you have a very big debt to me. Because Namjoon can cut off my balls just for digging up information on him. And you, at best..." - For some reason, he suddenly fell silent. You were wondering what would happen to you if Namjoon found out that you asked sunbae to get information about him. But Ji Sung didn't finish his sentence. "I'll send you an encrypted link to download the file later this evening. When you get it, text me and I'll delete everything." - You were happy. Your eyes lit up in anticipation of knowing who they all were. Because you were sure that Jimin's name would be among the 6 people close to you.

"It's a deal. I'll be eternally indebted to you if you do this for me." - You said. Ji Sung smiled.

"Don't say such words. Being eternally indebted to me will be your curse." - Sunbae joked.

"I'm willing to endure that in exchange for very detailed information." - You promise. Ji Sung laughs again.

"We have a deal. I'll be in touch." - He says and hangs up the phone. You feel elated. You look at your phone and realize that Jungkook hasn't texted or called you for two days. This instantly spoils your mood. You go to chat with Jungkook and see his last message from two days ago.

09.21 PM 🐰 Jungkook: Baby please pick up the phone.

You look at his name and see the last time he was online. 5 minutes ago. He was online 5 minutes ago, but he didn't text you. You sadly lock your phone and go back to eating breakfast, which has already turned into lunch.

You finish your breakfast and help your mom with the cleaning and washing up. Your mom says that she is going to pickle a crab, she mentions that Jungkook loved her pickled crabs, and you start to get angry that she tells of him so often. Your mom asks you to go to the local supermarket and buy some food for tonight's dinner. Since she will be cooking the crabs, she can't go yourself.

You immediately agree, going to the store will be a great opportunity to clear your head. You go to the bathroom and take a quick bath. You get dressed and go to the store.

It takes about 20 minutes to walk to the nearest supermarket. You walked down the snowy street in your hometown where you used to go to school every day. Along the way, you met some friends and had a nice chat.

Finally, after buying everything on the list your mom wrote you, you returned home. You offered to help your mom with the pickling of the crabs when you came back from the store. She was almost finished cleaning the seafood and said she could do it herself. The marinade was ready, all that was left was to season crabs.

"If you want, you can help me prepare dinner. In the meantime, go do your own thing." - Your mom said gently. You agreed and went to your room.

You didn't do much of anything. You lay in bed, watching a drama, interrupted by your phone. You checked for texts from Ji-sung and Jungkook's online presence. He was online a lot today, by the way. Right now you look at your phone screen and see "online a minute ago". It's strange that he logs in so often and doesn't even write to you. He terrorized you for two days, and now he won't even send you a smiley face.

You felt a sadness that filled your entire consciousness. You blocked your phone in frustration and fell face first on the bed. How terribly you want to see him. To fall into his arms. To breathe in the smell of his perfume and forget that this horrible world exists at all.

The day passes almost in vain. Somewhere in the evening, when the sun went down and the frost outside became stronger, you felt that you were freezing. You got up, found a warm orange sweater and put it on. You also put on your socks because you had been walking around barefoot all day. You were about to leave your room and go to your mom's when you heard your phone vibrate. You had a small hope that Jungkook had texted you.

You grabbed the phone. The text wasn't from Jungkook, but it was just as important. It was from Ji Sung. You wasted no time in reading the message. There was a link. You clicked on it and a file was downloaded to your phone. When it was downloaded, you immediately texted Sunbae and he deleted everything. Before you opened the file, you received another message from sunbae.

05.12 PM Sonbae Kim Ji Sung : It was worth me all this effort. You are now my eternal slave 😁

You wrote a reply:

05.12 PM You: I'll do my best for you too Seongbae 🥺

You couldn't wait any longer. Sitting down on the bed, you opened the file. It was detailed about Namjoon and the "6 close to him":

Kim Namjoon - Leader.

Role: Chief strategist and leader.

Tasks: Developing clan development plans and setting long-term goals.

Organizing business operations and ensuring their efficiency.

Controlling financial flows and providing a "cover" for illegal activities.

Managing relations with other groups and authorities.

Profile: The founder of the RUN NOIR clan (translated as "Running in the Dark") and later the Mono Corp. He is cold-blooded and extremely intelligent. Namjoon is able to foresee several steps ahead, and his leadership is based on respect, not fear. He is an idealist, but his methods are often brutal when it comes to achieving a goal. He is passionate about art. The slogan of his clan and corporation is: "Run the world with art, rule the streets with shadows". He owns 26% of “Moro Corp”.

Min Yoongi - Shadow Leader

Role: Advisor and executor in the "shadows."

Tasks: Control of information flows and operational security of the clan.

Performing the most delicate and risky tasks that require skill.

Liaison with the criminal underworld outside of Seoul.

Characterization: Yoongi is older than Namjoon, but recognizes his leadership because he believes in his vision. Almost no one in the clan has seen his face and he owns 24% of “Mono Corp”.

Kim Seok Jin - Technician and financier

Role: Responsible for technology and financial fraud.

Tasks: Organizing cyber defense for the clan.

Conducting financial transactions, including money laundering.

Providing access to advanced technologies for other members.

Personality: Gene is jocular and seemingly carefree, but he is actually a genius in IT and finance. His knowledge and connections in the tech world give the clan an edge over the rest. He owns a 12% stake in “Mono Corp”.

Jeon Hosok - Supply and Logistics

Role: Head of Supply and Transportation.

Tasks: Organizing the delivery of illegal goods, including weapons and drugs.

Controlling the network of couriers and carriers.

Providing cover for illegal operations through legal business.

Characterization: Hosok always seems cheerful and frivolous, but he is a master at what he does. His cunning and talent for improvisation allow him to solve any logistical problems. He owns a 10% stake in Mono Corp.

Park Jimin - Businessman

Role: Curator of legal business.

Tasks: Management of a network of elite restaurants, nightclubs and gyms.

Organizing illegal fights and ensuring their profitability.

Communicating with investors and maintaining an ideal "clean" image for the public.

Characteristics: Jimin is charismatic and sexy, and has an innate talent for business. His charm helps him make lucrative deals, but his sweet exterior hides a dangerous and relentless personality. He owns a 10% stake in Mono Corp.

Kim Taehyung - Insider in the military police

Role: Source of access to military police information and resources.

Tasks: Using his status as a special forces officer to obtain information and cover for operations.

Organizing clan protection in case of threats from the police or other law enforcement agencies.

Participation in the elimination of "difficult" targets.

Characteristics: Taehyung is a two-faced man: to his colleagues, he is a professional and reliable officer, and to the clan, he is a dangerous and resourceful ally. He owns a 7% stake in Mono Corp.

Jeon Jungkook - "Brute Force"

Role: "Dirty worker."

Tasks: Racketeering, debt collection and elimination of undesirables.

Controlling the security and safety of the clan.

Organizing physical support for other members' operations.

Characteristics: Joined the clan almost four years ago. Participated in illegal fights organized in one of Namjoon's clubs. Has a debt to Namjoon. The amount of the debt is not disclosed anywhere.

You just can't believe what you just read. What killed you the most is that Taehyung is among these "6 close people". Your heart is broken because you thought he was almost a saint. He is also connected to the mafia and you feel sick.

Jungkook does the "dirty work" and you're not surprised. But it says here that he has debts. What is the amount of this debt? And why did he become a debtor? There are more questions than there were before.

You get goosebumps from the description of these people. You know most of them. And most importantly, these are the people in the mafia clan who keep the whole of Seoul in fear. The scariest thing here is that Jungkook is among these 7 people. Good lord, how? How did your best friend, a promising taekwondo fighter, the son of ordinary businessmen become such a man?

Your mother's voice brings you out of the state of prostration you've fallen into because of the information about the mafia clan.

"Y/N! Come downstairs, daughter!" - She shouts at you from somewhere on the stairs leading to the first floor. Her voice is joyful and excited. You block the phone and hurry downstairs. You hear her voice speaking happily to someone. "I'm happy to see you..."

You come down the stairs and freeze, grabbing the railing. No. It can't be! Jungkook.

He's sitting in the living room on the couch next to your mom. She's care him, and Jungkook smiles shyly at her. He's dressed in all black as usual, but he's not wearing any outerwear right now. He's wearing a black sweater and black sweatpants. His bangs are combed to the front and have a slight parting. You look at your best friend and your heart threatens to jump out of your chest. Your fingers and toes go numb. You missed him so much. Tears well up in your eyes, but you stand motionless at the first step up the mountain.

Jungkook notices you and your eyes finally meet. You look into those big black eyes, similar to Bambi's, and you see something familiar and so necessary in them. Jungkook smiles at you lightly.

"Hi, baby." - He says in his trademark Jungkook voice with a hint of apology and playfulness.

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#jungkook x reader #bts #bts jungkook #jungkook #jungkook x f!reader #jungkook smut #jungkook friends with benefits #bts mafia au

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vivilunacornio · 2 days ago

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First of all, Merry Christmas

If you're finding this comment on the 25th… man we need friends lol

Second, if you're going to be annoying, don't bother yourself. Just move on, this is not for you.

Well, a month has passed since the end of Arcane and even though I haven't posted anything, I'm always here following some incredible analyses. And during all this time as a Caitvi shipper (long before the series was announced) I've seen everything in just one month

stan Jinx (sorry if you're a decent stan jinx, the ones I've met have serious problems), anti-caitvi, moral police, "arcane critical", vi hater, caitlyn hater, incel, misogynists, harassers, lesbophobes, people who go to the ship's tags to talk shit

And now I started thinking and finally came to the conclusion that… I don't FUCKING care about your opinion. I'm tired of stressing myself out because of misinterpretations. I'm going to have fun, there are fanarts, fanfics and people who love this ship as much as I do. If you couldn't feel the same way I did watching this couple's story, I'm really sorry, because I loved this experience with all my soul. I'm not going to ruin the affection and how special these two are to me just because you didn't like or didn't understand what the writers did to them

I have my own complaints about some of the choices the writers made with them, but nothing that would ruin my experience

To the couple's lovers, a piece of advice: don't pay attention to these people. They won't change the way they think and your argument doesn't mean anything to them, it will only make them think they are right. It's not worth damaging your mental health

So if you're one of those crazy lovers who just wants to freak out and have fun with hc, theories or just finding details, I'd love to freak out with you. Don't be shy, I promise I'm just a little weird

(english is not my native language, so I apologize if any words seem confusing)

#caitvi #violyn #piltover's finest #caitlyn kiramman #vi arcane #vi x caitlyn #caitlyn arcane #anti caitvi don't find this post please #I can't stand you anymore #This fandom is awful and I just want to have fun #haters this is not a safe space for you

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koenigami · 24 hours ago

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and the nights were as dark as my baby, half as beautiful too. tags : hurt/comfort, fluff, fem!reader wc : 1k synopsis : Togame's not a great texter, but for you, he will always make an exception.

Togame's major trigger in a relationship is when you refuse. to. openly. communicate.

He doesn't blame you, though. He would never! He's aware that sharing your feelings freely can be simply a lot, and maybe even scary sometimes.

But the moment he sees you sitting on your shared couch, the TV playing your favourite show yet your gaze so far away as you stare into nothingness-

Images of his childhood friend suffering in silence cross his mind. Memories of past mistakes and his incompetence at helping the person closest to him, and letting both of them drown in loneliness and bitterness.

No. He won't let that happen again. He won't let you get consumed by your own thoughts and doubts, won't you brush every worry of his away with a forced smile and false reassuring words because you fear that he might run away from you at the slightest inconvenience.

It just has been a rougher week than usual, too many things gone wrong, too little right. You still tried to move on because no matter how awful a situation may be, they never last forever. Or so you have though. Because somehow you feel them still ingrained so deeply in your head, and they make you rethink and relive every single mistake that you've done the past few days in a way that makes you wonder whether there is something that you can actually do right for once.

You don't notice Togame disappear from the doorway and slip into the bedroom, too busy with slipping further into a downward spiral.

That is until the sudden and short vibrating sound of your phone pulls you back into reality. With a strained huff, you lean forward to grab it from the coffee table, and as soon as the sender's name on the display appears, you freeze in place.

Togame did not tell you that he'd gone somewhere, neither have you heard him leave the house, so why is he- Oh.

'Wanna tell me what's happening inside that pretty little head of yours?'

You stare at his text for a few seconds, rereading each word as if you were trying to learn his sentence by heart. The phone in your grip shakes the slightest as you feel your fingers twitch nervously, unsure about whether to answer or ignore him, meanwhile Togame sees the little dots beside your name appear and disappear over and over again.

Why would he let you burden him with your silly problems? Some of them minor, others nothing but a mere creation of your imagination and overthinking tendencies. He cares. He cares. He cares, is what you keep repeating to yourself once you decide to type out two simple words.

- 'A lot.'

Togame's glad that you can't see him right now. The way he jolts instantly, quickly sitting up once his phone pings with an incoming message from you. It feels as if he had travelled a few months back into the past. A time when every single text of yours, every touch, every smile that you shot his way, made his heart beat erratically and plaster a stupid lopsided grin on his face.

The excitement and giddiness of your love has slowly become something quiet and soft. A constant that makes him feel comforted and safe. The kind of love that he knows you need, especially in times like these.

'I see.. Wanna talk about it? It's okay if you don't'

Warmth spreads through your chest as you take slow deliberate breaths, each one shakier than the other. Never one to pressure or rush you, always a gentle voice, and a calm aura. That is your Jo.

And so you let your thoughts run freely as your fingers tap over your screen. With enough time to contemplate over your words, express your feelings properly while clumsily trying to explain some of them that you yourself truly don't quite understand, you feel your eyes sting.

He knew that this is what you needed.

Togame anxiously stares at the last text he has just sent three minutes ago, left on read. His own chest feels so much lighter knowing that your own hopefully feels just the same. Yet as he stares at his unanswered message, he wonders if he might have crossed a line. He starts feeling like a cowardly idiot for making you sit out there in the living room, all alone with all these overwhelming emotions while he's lazily lying in your shared bed.

Soon, the sudden noise of quick steps padding against the floor appears until the door bursts open. His body is quicker than his mind to register what is happening when you throw yourself on him, making him let out a breathless oomph. The bed and mattress creak and jump, but Togame immediately has a steady hold on you as his arms instinctively wrap around your waist.

"Hey-" His forehead creases in worry when he feels you shake, soft sniffles and sobs muffled by his chest.

But when you lift your head and smile at him, such a sweet, beautiful and real smile, he knows that you'll be fine despite the tears that keep flowing over your puffy cheeks. He gently wipes them away, not minding that they're immediately replaced by new ones.

The lightest shiver makes you jolt against him when his hand slips under your shirt and slowly caresses the skin along your back, his thumb softly moving back and forth. His chest rumbles with a deep chuckle when you groan annoyedly before almost aggressively wiping with your sleeves at your face to get rid of the overflowing emotions that somehow never cease to escalate when Togame's in your proximity.

At the same time, the world always becomes a quiet place when you're like this. In his arms, in safety and comfort, with nothing left but both your beating hearts and the feelings that you harbour inside them for each other.

"Thank you, Jo. I love you." You whisper as if it was a secret, and watch how Togame's eyes soften as if you'd said it for the first time again.

With a hand on the back of your head, fingers tangling into the soft strands of hair, he pulls you so close that you can feel his lips move against yours as he speaks.

"Love you more, doll."

#togame jo #wind breaker togame #togame x reader #wbk togame #togame #togame x you #togame jou #togame jo x reader #wind breaker x reader #togame fluff #togame drabble

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ropebunnykant · 2 days ago

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Apologies for the incoming essay... Re. Kant and choices and him choosing to involve Style - look, nobody's out here trying to say Kant's eligible for best friend of the year! But there does seem to be a lot of retroactive woobifying of Style, attempts to exempt him from the current tangled web, etc., when, lest we forget, he agreed to try and seduce a man FOR A CAR. He then proceeded to stalk said man, and to disrupt and exploit a grief counselling session FOR A CAR. Of course Kant shouldn't have involved him (but when your options are limited and you're desperate, you're not always thinking straight), but it was Style's own a) automotive greed and b) bruised ego (after their vehicular run-in) that got him where he is today. It was a bargain that he himself suggested - it wasn't even Kant's idea! Let's be honest, he could've just said nah mate, you're alright, and what could Kant have done about it? Style is not untouched by the taint! And that's okay - let him be messy too (the fact that he'd already had a couple of fraught encounters with Fadel even before Kant introduced them was a deliberate decision on the writers' part)! He had his own agenda going into this which he'd need to apologise for regardless of the added assassin shenanigans, and once he's in the know, he becomes as responsible as Kant for what happens next - they're both faced with the same choice: confess in order to try and keep the brothers out of jail, or stay schtum, despite their misgivings, out of fear for their own lives. And they both chose the same path. All four of them have been lying to each other from the get-go, for multiple complex reasons, some maybe more valid or understandable than others, but point is that none of them are squeaky clean and ALL of them bear at least some responsibility for the colossal shitshow that they now find themselves in! And that's what makes it good TV!

(I'd also like to point out something I find interesting, which is that Kant's rhetoric with Style has always been about looking out for number one - he tells Style he's doing it to clear his record, get those charges off his back, outside the restaurant he talks about having to prioritise saving your own skin over everything else, even though that makes him sound a bit cold...but he's not doing it for himself, is he? He's doing it for Babe. He's doing it because of the repercussions that would fall on his little brother's head if anything were to happen to Kant, whether that be jail time or an early grave (though I'm not saying he'd be a-okay with either regardless!). Babe has been his driving force the entire show (as yours and others' beautiful meta has explored) - Kant does the OPPOSITE of prioritise himself, and has done so since his parents died, and that's why HE'S in this mess in the first place. But, to the best of my recollection, he never invokes Babe when he's trying to win over Style, and I can't decide if that's because it's a line he won't cross (though he did sort of cross it when using Babe as an excuse at karaoke, or does that not count cos it was a lie?), or because he truly doesn't see himself as self-sacrificing so wouldn't even think to frame it in those terms to someone else. Or a combo of both!)

I think part of the reason the Kant slander (by which I absolutely don't mean legit critical analysis or taking the well-earned piss out of him!) bothers me is because I'm conscious that First is, at least to a degree, aware of the negativity (and tagged into some of it because ppl suck), which is why every time I look online he seems to be apologising on his character's behalf. And yes, it is in jest, but, knowing he's an inveterate people pleaser, I also get the sneaking suspicion it's also partly genuine, which makes me sad.

yeah, aaaabsolutely agree with everything you’ve said here. like i think the argument about style has more merit too it, but at the same time im still sat here thinking, what was kant’s other option? because bison gives him this stipulation: if you want us to date, you have to find someone for fadel. and kant cant just cut his losses and say okay, then i guess we won’t date. he has to get close, he has to get this information. so he has to involve someone else, retroactively. and we can argue about if he should have told style the full truth from the beginning, but not only do we see the captain specifically tell him not to do that, but i think kant is well aware it would not have worked if he did. style would have blown the operation out of the water way too soon, if he even agreed in the first place which the odds of him doing without having some investment into fadel would have been very slim! like it sucks, but realistically, what else could kant have done that would have allowed him to do what he needed to? what other choice did he have?

and like you said, style is far from innocent! none of them are innocent in this! thats the whole point! and that’s the big thing, too, because it’s meant to be this complicated messy thing. they subbed in the women from taming in the shrew for assassins because it allows for this intense sort of courtship that was brought on by misogyny in the play, while also allowing us to understand that fadel and bison aren’t innocent, either. that they’re all fucked up and messy in their own ways.

and yeah, i think getting into the babe of it all just isn’t something kant is willing to do for the most part. i think he tries to keep babe out of it as much as possible, but using him as an excuse to get out of there was the most realistic thing he could do, especially when bison has already seen that protective brother side of him. and i also think that kant just doesn’t view himself highly in general. he doesn’t think of himself as selfless or self sacrificing because he knows the awful things hes had to do in order to keep babe safe and in his custody - and while maybe for other people knowing it’s for babe would help his case, he doesn’t feel that way. because obviously he wouldn’t change it, but it doesn’t mean he liked doing any of it, that he likes the lengths he’ll go. especially when i think he thinks if babe knew, he wouldn’t like any of it, either. babe already didn’t like just the lying to bison. can you imagine what he’d think if he knew kant had drugged him once? if he knew all of it was built on a false start? kant probably thinks babe would hate him for it all as much as he hates himself for it.

and as for the first of it all, i do hope despite the media literacy some people lack in it all that he knows he did a fucking incredible job with kant. i say this as someone who has been making detailed posts about first’s acting since the eclipse, but i genuinely think this is his strongest and most nuanced performance. hes made kant so, so clear and easy to understand if you’re paying attention, and i love him so dearly for it.

#kant and first own my heart fr #the heart killers #kant pattanawat #my analysis #mine #asks #nonnies

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fromkenari · 2 days ago

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@alliwantforchristmasislou

I don't talk about my identity a lot because I live in a town in the 2/3rds of the state that is red despite it being a blue state. I'm not accepted, nor is it really safe for me open about it beyond my friends, and the sad thing is I have only one other friend in this town with the same pronouns as me and my friends, all of whom are queer positive and a bunch of whom are queer themselves don't use the correct pronouns for my other friend who uses them or me because well, you know, transphobia but they claim it's because using "they" in a singular sense is just too awkward for them to do that for my one other friend who uses they/them and me. And I could talk about the suicide rate of non-cis kids in this town, but this is a positive post, right? It's why the Trevor Project is so important.

So anyway. Tumblr, Discord, and the internet, in general, have been the only hardline I have to a diverse queer network. I've been on this site since sometime in early 2009, and you know, before that, I was on Livejournal, and before that, I was on fan forums, Yahoo! Groups, and Pro Boards. So I've been around. I've seen it all in real time. And even though I was not into anything to do with Superwholock, I saw all of that, and you know, I have never really been deep in a fandom. Not even when I was on Livejournal. I just have a massive aversion to oversaturation.

So. I've been watching 911 since the pilot. I was hyped for it because of Angela Bassett. I thought, "You're making Angela Bassett a cop and handing her a TV show; what could go wrong?" (That's rhetorical; don't @ me. I know better now.) Anyway. I was hooked from the first episode, and you have to understand when 911 premiered, I was in one of the darkest points of my life. I had finally been declared legally disabled, which I had been working toward for 3 years. So, you know, nobody on Tumblr was talking about this show. By the end of Season 1, a few of us were scratching around at things, but there wasn't much there.

Then, Season 2 happened, and you know, Season 2 was some of my best times in the 911 fandom. I was there when we were deciding on Beddie vs Buddie. I was there when the first Buck/Eddie fic was posted to AO3. I even wrote some back then. It was a completely different energy then. There was an entire Discord server of us who were mortified that "Be Careful What You Wish For" was likely about the part of fandom that wanted Eddie and Shannon to end, but the consensus was, "WTF, we wanted her gone, but not like that!" And then, you know, the people celebrating it got louder and louder, and I was in fandom less and less until I stopped posting about 911 entirely on Tumblr.

Eventually, I made a new blog, this blog, not because of that, but because Tumblr shadowbanned my old blog, and nothing I posted would show up in tags. And you know, I was a big fandom creator and roleplayer, and I had to start all over. But I was still watching 911. I never stopped. I also watch Lone Star, and oh, the stories I could tell about the early days of Lone Star when 911 OG purists were throwing hissy fits that Lone Star content was getting tagged as 911. Seriously, it was a knockdown, drag-out fight to watch. But anyway, you know, I'm watching, and I'm waiting. I'm waiting for Evan Buckley to be confirmed as bisexual as I get my Henren scraps and cry over everything they do to Josh.

Then, the show gets canceled. But OMG, it's Immediately picked up by ABC, so trying to understand how to feel was indescribable. Because Seasons 5 and 6 sucked, they sucked, and I won't be convinced otherwise, and I was despairing because I was going to have to jump ship. And then the show jumped networks. So, I'm figured what do I have to lose?

So, I am still reeling from the Cruise ship disaster and rescue. And I'm going, "Is my show back? It's kind of back, right?" while also going, "And Tommy's back, and he's getting along with everyone. Sure, why not?" And then, you know, Episode 4 happened, and I'm watching it wondering what the hell is going on. Is Tommy going to be a recurring character now? And then you know Buck was an idiot, and you know I thought it was about Eddie, and I was kind of mad because really? The cast and crew get kicked around by their ship's fans, and you're giving them this? Because anyone who tells me watching that episode as it was airing that they thought Buck was doing that for Tommy before the loft scene, I'm calling horseshit because I've been watching since episode 1

I've wanted Bi Buck for as long as I can remember. And it was not until the loft scene that I even realized something was happening. I didn't know what it was, but something was off. And some point, I was standing on the couch freaking out at my TV, going, "WHY ARE THEY STANDING SO CLOSE TOGETHER? WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?" And then, you know, the kiss happened, and thankfully, no one was living next door in my duplex at the time because I was not quiet about my joy, and I sprained my freaking knee. I was so chaotic in my reaction. (I had to go to urgent care. It was a whole thing. Eh, my joints suck because of chronic illness. I told you I was on disability a long time ago, okay.) And you know, once I simmered down, I ran to this blog to post about it because 4 episodes on a new network, and they gave me Bi Buck.

And you know, I tried so hard to find a voice for Tommy in my head, but I couldn't. I didn't have enough material to do it. I appreciated everyone who could do it because I read your fic, which was great. I didn't even get into the fandom for it until Season 8 because I couldn't wrap my head around the ship, but I was going to sit there as long as it took to understand Tommy because it's Bi Buck's canon ship. Of course, I want to be able to write it myself. That's what I do. And right about when Tommy brought Buck avocado toast, I got it. Everything synced up in my head, and I understood it. I could go back and look at things and understand why Tommy did things now.

So, during that break for Halloween, I was writing little things and not posting them. I had already at the start of Season 8 found a Discord server, and I was hanging out in the tag. I was looking through follow lists people posted and zipping through them. And yeah, sue me. I call it Tevan because that's what Tommy calls him. That's not a judgment on anyone; it's just my preference. I forgot to mention that I was also there when shit hit the fan during the Season 7 hiatus and trying to survive in my old 911 Discord Servers, but people were awful for no reason. I'm never gonna understand why a whole swath of fandom hated the ship to the point that they were causing traumatic harm to other people, especially queer men in fandom. That's just so beyond me, and, again, another reason we need the Trevor Project is that queer men fetishists on Tumblr do not constitute a safe community for queer people. But I'm getting off track.

So you know, they broke up Buck and Tommy in the next freaking episode, and I had a lot of feelings. I posted a lot of them here. Some of them conflict because you know the human brain can handle more than one viewpoint. Gray areas are my bread and butter when it comes to media. Anyone gets puritanical about anything; I don't care what you ship; I will remove you from my curated experience because I don't need it. It's not healthy.

I've been writing more and more about this ship since the breakup. I even wrote a fixit for the breakup. And you know what happened in the show compared to what people say in interviews? There's a huge disconnect. In any other situation, especially given it's 911 and the Abby of it all, you would expect this to not be over because that's not how Buck's big love interests work. Most of his relationships end with him being too invested, but you don't get to call it a pivotal relationship for Buck and say it's over cold turkey. That's crappy writing because it completely goes against his characterization.

But I didn't realize how attached many people were to Tommy. I felt like I finally met him in the Halloween episode, and bam, he's gone in the next. So much wasted potential. So much drama. So many harassed actors and crew members. So many "journalists" acting like it's their blog is the gossip section of their high school newspaper, but they get screeners? So much crap happened, and what was it all for? So Buck can pine for Tommy and cause Los Angeles County to go on a flour ration? Like? I don't get it. So yeah. If the show wants to fix this mistake because this one they did leave themselves a contingency plan by not killing the man, they can fix it.

So bring back Tommy. If you do, I'll think about forgiving you for Amir's storyline last season. But we still need to talk about what messages we're sending people in these episodes. Those teenage girls do not deserve to get blamed because a grown man went rage quit to the max. The copaganda is SO HIGH that I can't even watch Athena's scenes now. And there's a bunch more I won't list because we're talking about Tommy and how you need to bring him back. I love these characters, but I'm tired of them repeatedly getting the same trauma and outcomes. You finally let queer people kiss again on your show, and then you get rid of one of them?

Anyway. I'm going to keep writing BuckTommy because I need something good to happen in fandom as I continue to watch this ridiculous show. And if you read this whole thing. I'm sorry that this is how it ends.

#alliwantforchristmasislou #bucktommy #tevan #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 #911 abc #out of credits

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dsireland86 · 3 days ago

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The 6th Day Of Christmas:

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Tag list:

@philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lacy1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds-deactiv @missduffsblog @bngurngheart @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @fadingangelwisp @dizzylmwahh @Youlookforultraviolet

The party was winding down, and most had already gone home. A handful of people remained at Matt's house, mostly close friends, and you. You were one of the few to stay simply because it was the night before Christmas Eve, and you didn't want to go home to be alone. Matt was your friend, so staying here felt natural.

"You alright? Want anything?"

Matt leans over your shoulder while you sit on the couch, watching Noah and Nick play a round of Super Smash Bros.

"Nope, I'm good," you smile up at him, looking away from your phone. It was almost midnight. Maybe it was time to go home.

You stand up and stretch, turning around to face Matt. He's looking at you in a way you'd never seen before.

"Are you okay, Matt?" you ask, walking around to the other side of the couch.

You stand a mere inch or two from him, close enough to smell his cologne, and it makes you weak in the senses, more than it probably should.

"I'm," he hesitates, dragging his eyes down and then back up your body, "I'm good. I'm just," he pauses, licking his lips. Huffing a light laugh, Matt takes off his hat to scratch his head, putting it back on quickly.

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Matt glares down at Noah, who looks from him over to you, then back to Noah, shaking his head.

You simply have no idea what's going on at the moment, so you give a nervous chuckle before speaking.

"I, uh, I think I'm going to head home. I told my neighbor across the hall that I'd be home an hour ago." "Why?"

Matt's "why" comes out a little harsher than he means for it, earning him a smack in the leg by Noah along with a glare.

"Because," you drag out, trying to hide your laugh, "he checks on my dog for me while I'm out."

Matt's head snaps up quickly.

"He?" "Yeah, why?"

You can sense the jealous tone in his voice.. He shrugs, trying to play it cool.

"No reason, I was just asking."

But his brown eyes say something completely different.

"Relax, Matt. The guy lives with his seventy year old wife," you smile, resting a hand on his arm.

Matt won't look at you now, and you find his embarrassment adorable. But you really should be leaving now; it's past midnight now.

"I'm going," you say, telling the others goodnight and wishing them a Merry Christmas.

"Wait, I'll walk you out."

Matt follows behind you, gripping the door handle before opening it.

"Are you sure you have to go right now? I mean, it's really cold out. Might even be some snow out there."

You do your best at hiding your sudden excitement at the idea that Matt likes you. He's trying to play it coy, but failing miserably, and that's okay.

"Matt, California doesn't get snow. And, yes, it is cold, but I'm going to have to go home at some point, so now is just as good a time as any, right?"

Matt thinks while skimming your body with his eyes again.

"How about something warm to drink? Maybe we can talk for a bit. We didn't really get to do that much tonight."

You narrow your eyes at Matt, completely aware of what he's doing, but give in anyway.

"Okay, sure," you agree with a quick nod and a grin, making Matt's face light up.

"So, how long have you been at your apartment?"

Matt sets a hot steaming mug of tea down on the table in front of you. The smell of peppermint invades your nostrils, making you think of candy canes.

"Two years. I moved out of my parents' house just before my birthday."

"You like living alone?"

You look at Matt, puzzled.

"I mean, without a roommate."

You can't help but laugh, and Matt follows, covering up his face. For the next hour the two of you get to know each other a lot more than before, and for some reason, breaking the spell you're under, caused by his charming and sarcastically sweet personality, is a very hard thing to do. You discover all the reasons why you really like Matt, and they make your heart race and the butterflies come alive.

It's past one in the morning, when you look at your phone. The living room is quiet indicating the others either left or fell asleep, so it's just you and Matt, alone in his kitchen. He reaches over and takes your hand, startled by the coldness of it.

"God, your hand is freezing! Just like ice," he chuckles, rubbing it between his to warm it up.

The simple gesture makes you giggle. Matt can't take his eyes off you. In fact, you think he wouldn't even if he could. And to be honest neither can you. The fact that the guy you've been crushing on for the last year is right before you, holding your hand between his is mind blowing you. It's a dream that you don't want to wake from. But reality calls, and you really must go.

"I really should go now, Matt, it's late."

Matt moves in a little close when you stand up, and having him this close to you has you weak in the knees.

"Alright. I'll actually walk you out this time," he chuckles.

The air is frigid when Matt opens the door, and the thought of going out in the cold makes you shiver. You'd rather just stay here where it's already nice and warm, but you know that's not an option. Together, you and Matt trek down to your car where you start it then stand outside and wait for it to warm up.

"I had a great time tonight, Matt. Thanks for inviting me." "You're welcome. Thanks for coming. I hope I didn't bore you too much with all my tech talk." "No, you didn't. Not at all. I loved listening to you talk about it." "Really?" "Really."

You smile at Matt, reaching over and rubbing his shoulder. He looks at you as if your touch has some kind of magic in it, but you pull back quickly realizing what you did and feel a little awkward now.

"I, um, I guess I should go."

Matt's expression falls, and it hurts your heart a little.

"Okay, well, um, Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas, Matt," you smile, wishing he'd beg you to stay some more. "Here," taking his hand after grabbing a pen from your car. You take his hand and write something in it, smiling as you do so.

"What is this?" "My address, just in case you need to escape," you say with a wink.

Matt looks up at you with a sparkle in his eyes that was never there before.

"Okay, just in case."

His smile is genuine, making your heart skip a beat. Taking a chance, you lean over and kiss his cheek, feeling the coldness of his skin against your warm lips, and you hear the slight hitch in Matt's breath. He surprises you by turning his head just enough until your lips almost touch.

"Merry Christmas, Matty," you whisper in his ear. "Merry Christmas, Y/N.

It's past two in the morning when you finally get home. A note under your door said your furbaby had been walked and fed and was signed with a "Merry Christmas" by your neighbor across the hall. You take a quick shower and slip into some warm, cozy jammies, flipping on your TV to finish the Christmas movie you didn't get to finish earlier, but a quiet knock on your door keeps you from doing so.

You freeze, wondering who in hell could be at your door at this hour, and then it hits you. Your heart starts to race just like before as your body fills with the same excitement you felt earlier in the night. The knock comes once more, and this time, you don't hesitate to answer it.

Matt is standing at your door, looking absolutely frozen. The smile he's wearing makes you absolutely weak in the knees, giving you the most unholy thoughts.

"It was a "just in case" emergency. After you left, I stood outside, contemplating on what to do next, but nothing felt right. You were the only thing that felt right. So, here I am."

Matt's honesty hits you right in the chest, making your insides melt for him. You want him, all of him, and obviously, he wants you, too.

"Well, then, I guess you'd better come inside, Baby. It's cold outside."

Reaching out with the biggest smile you can muster, you grab Matt by the jacket and pull him inside your apartment, closing the door behind you.

#matt dierkes #matt dierkes fanfiction #bad omens #bad omens cult #bad omens band

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liauditore · 2 months ago

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what’s your thoughts on ouran? you mentioned you had a love / hate relationship with it and i think that would be interesting to hear

Oh god post that usually would be reserved for my sideblog incoming. Heads up this one might get uncomfortable, heed the tags. LONG POST.

TL;DR: it's a fun show that's neck deep in the misogyny sauce

I had the true ouran experience of watching it when I was 12 and thinking it was really funny but ultimately finished the show feeling mildly disappointed as well as being Very put off by one specific episode.

As a 12 year old I didn't really have the words to explain why but over the years I thought back to ouran again and again and the more I thought about it the more. Angry isn't really the right emotion I guess. Eyebrow raised emoji-y is more accurate.

Now that I am a bit older and wiser and have read more shoujo, I think the majority of the annoyance and confusion I felt towards ouran, especially nearing the end of the show, came from the fact that it pretty much bait-and-switches its own stance on gender roles, classism and judging by appearance. Please note that I have not rewatched ouran in many years so take all this with a grain of salt and forgive me for anything I'm straight up misremembering.

Haruhi, to me, embodies a very quintessential shoujo protagonist archetype. She's not necessarily radicalized against gender roles, but doesn't place the same importance in gendered performance as her peers. She's also viciously ambitious and doesn't downplay her own intelligence, qualities that her female peers around her have been conditioned to avoid in their cartoonishly extreme upper class upbringings.

However, the other girls' education being a direct result of their education is never really examined. All the other girls at ouran are presented as vapid and "boy-crazy" over the host club. Renge, the only major female character aside from Haruhi herself, is delegated to being comedic relief (and of course, the humour surrounding her almost always has to do with her obsession with Kyoya) with some not so subtle implications that Haruhi is above her girlish antics because Haruhi is... Better, to put it bluntly, in every way including her ability to appeal to men, which can be seen through Kyoya's neutral to distasteful opinion of Renge vs his somewhat unsubtle care and attraction towards Haruhi.

This very unflattering depiction of women other than Haruhi extends to the very queer-coded* Lobelia academy girls, who the host club spends an episode "rescuing" Haruhi from and, once again despite their group leader's more masculine look, reacts in shock and horror at their feminine interests. Eugh, makeup! Disgusting!

*pressing the "nuance" button on this one because we can't expect to apply our understanding of queer signalling on a Japanese highschooler, but the Lobelia girls are. Fairly blatant enough I feel that I almost don't even want to call it coding.

The girls in the show who aren't Haruhi are either boy-crazy and therefore stupid, side characters whose episodes are often tied to getting with a male love interest (who is always depicted as "plain" compared to the desirable men of the host club), rivals in love against Haruhi (like Eclair) or silly evil lesbians.

Speaking of the silly evil lesbians, I do think it's interesting how many times the show feels the need to restate Haruhi's heterosexuality through her endless amounts of blatant disinterest in her fangirls. I briefly wrote once on how patriarchal standards have an amount of gender-nonconformity that can be accepted with women, but violently withdraws that acceptance when it can be even slightly confused with signalling queerness. Every second boomer dad wants a tomboy daughter, yet none of them seem to want trans sons. Idk, food for thought.

It's also fascinating to me that Utena is so much older than Ouran, yet almost feels like a direct response to Ouran's pitfalls at times e.g. the "not like other girls" logic of Ouran's world that pits women against eachother. The only women deserving of sympathy are those who don't act as a "threat" to Haruhi's desireability, everyone else is stupid and beneath her or an evil bitch.

The one woman who is always shown as intelligent and worthy of respect outside of Haruhi herself is Haruhi's deceased mother. Interesting that she had to be dead and more of a concept and motivator for Haruhi instead of.. a character.

If the show was just a marina and the diamonds girls simulator that would be one thing but what I find even more insidious is that not only does it not respect its female cast, Haruhi herself is almost. Instructed? In the show to uphold patriarchal rhetoric, when she entered as a neutral force. With the fact that she acts as the audience stand-in, I find this just the smallest bit troubling.

ESPECIALLY. when talking about the specific episode that really gave me the "I don't like this alot but I can't describe why" feelings when I was 12. Everything else in the show I can look past but this episode genuinely pissed me the fuck off when I was 12 and pisses me off even more now.

I'm talking of course about the "better remember your place in society or men will rape you!!"

In episode 8, the host club visits the beach but instead of the fun beach episode I thought was coming up, 12 year old me was hit was Haruhi being scolded by Tamaki for trying to defend a group of girls from ruffians, simply because she is a girl. Haruhi obviously gets mad.

This in of itself is fine, Tamaki's been shown to be an idiot and very deep in the misogyny/classism sauce, and the way this show mocks that is why I really like him.

But Tamaki is supposed to be IN THE RIGHT this episode, as later Kyoya pretends that he's going to rape Haruhi to teach her a lesson about why women shouldn't confront men I guess. Which, of course, implies quite a lot of very strange things in a show made for young girls, including that if you just abide by gender expectations that are Good and Keep You Safe you... won't be raped? Haruhi even thanks Kyoya for PRETENDING HE WAS GOING TO RAPE HER ?

It's this. Very strange and hypocritical moment for this show and really, really soured Kyoya's character for me -- which is a shame cus I do think he's one of the most interesting club members. I'll never not fume about this episode man I literally got into fights with friends over this episode being garbage as a kid and it was one of the smartest opinions I had at that age.

It's also gross to me that this whole thing revolved around, in the first place, Haruhi trying to defend other girls. In a show that keeps isolating Haruhi from them. So to recap 1. DO NOT seek out relationships with other women, they are vapid and won't understand you, certainly not more than the men in your life and 2. If you defend other women (from men), you're being stupid. Get a man to handle it instead, because it's men's duty to defend women, not yours. and if you violate this natural order you deserve to get raped. Hashtag some gender roles are good, actually.

I also have more thoughts on the way it's presented as if being raped as a woman is the worst thing imagineable but Renge's stalker tendencies towards Kyoya are played up for laughs. Shrugs.

The episode even ends with Haruhi saying she wasn't afraid because she knew Kyoya wasn't going to do it, but then ending up in a curled up helpless ball anyway because of. some thunder. really awesome. While I don't have any problem with exploring Haruhi's vulnerability, we never see any of the boys in such a state, reinforcing that this isn't about dropping the facade of unemotional masculinity but Haruhi being... a girl. Barf.

Even completely disregarding that episode, the messaging is. Strange to say the least. I do think this one might be the thing that gets me shot because Tamaki Does come around to appreciating Haruhi as a person and not simply a "woman", but the fact remains that she still acts as a "love interest" from beginning to end. And the whole dynamic of. Haruhi going from completely disinterested to fond of Tamaki over time, and Tamaki learning to abandon his playboy ways and see Haruhi as a person is totally fine and okay. BUT it is a little bit. Oh so NOW you want to talk about seeing women as people.

I feel that I've been. very focused on the hate part of the love hate and I'll be real nowadays that is very much the dominant half. I still like the show just for nostalgia value, the humour, as well as the host club members themselves. Morii and Honey specifically have a really awesome dynamic and I wish we got to see Honey go berserker more but it is what it is. Kyoya, rapey moment aside, is also really fun and maybe one of those characters that made me realise what kind of tropes I like. I will not stand a word of Hikaru and Kaoru slander, those boys are awesome and their incestuous club personas are a great parody of how performative the club really is, and through that how performative society as a whole is when dealing with attraction as a concept. And I actually really like the side characters too, the emo catboy and Renge in particular.

But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't perhaps one of the most anti-feminist bait and switches I'd ever seen in my life.

Haruhi's not even gender-nonconforming!! She's just a normie with a normal amount of care put into gendered presentation but because she's in the psychopath rich people school she SEEMS gender-nonconforming!! Which is fine as I've said before I think a lot of shoujo protagonists are like Haruhi in that their gender is more "I just work here" at best and something used to oppress them at worst, but Haruhi goes out of her way to present more feminine the moment she leaves the school gates.

Big words for this show to come out swinging saying gender roles and expectations attached to them are dumb when its so terrified of actually tackling them. I don't require everything I watch to be queer queer gay gay homosexual transgender beam attack but like?? Why have Haruhi say she dgaf and then have her present feminine anyway? Especially when it's been highlighted to us that her family is dirt poor, yet she still has the money for hair extensions? You're telling me she decided to cut ALL OF HER HAIR OFF FOR A TINY PIECE OF GUM. for no reason at all when she could've easily just cut it into a bob??

FTR I do still like Haruhi which is what makes this all the more frustrating, especially since she's one of the few female anime characters who we're told is supposed to be masc-presenting and actually could pass as that. Mf questioned the system of gender and then proceeded to do fuckall with it. Gets forced into crossdressing but underlines it with "but im not a lesbian" the whole way through. What cowardice. What theory and no practice. What bark but no bite. What a non-theme. Haruhi is the opposite of punk. Centrist ass take of an anime.

Ahem. Biases aside. I just feel like it fails as a romance, fails saying anything substantial about gender or class and ultimately ends up being meaningless fluff at best and pro-rapist and anti-woman at worst.

#asks #delete later #<-- i won't this is just my talking tag now #cw rape

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