#<- things nerevar would say about her

[rucow]

i cant wait to get some rest and draw voryn again next week i miss the skrunkly sm 🥺

[the-elder-polls]

salem pls pls pls go on the rant about Neverar's death I NEED it

oh how thou enable mine soul. i apologize in advance because i am scatter brained and bad at formulating my thoughts (doesn't help that this topic is so weird) but here we go.

OKAY. so. i'm gonna start with foundations that i'll reference throughout this. starting with seht, specifically, seht's eso dialogue. i will link the uesp page HERE (ref point 1) to keep from having to copy-paste big swaths of text. i'll also link ayem (ref point 2) and vehk's (ref point 3), PLUS ayem (ref point 4) and vehk's (ref point 5) morrowind pages. if anyone wants me to snip the exact dialogue i'm referencing, please just lemme know.

SO. some main principles i want to draw from all of those are:

seht is upset about but accepts his place as a npc. he knows he is a npc, he knows he cannot change this, he just seeks to try to affect what he can. (ref point 1)

vehk knows he is a NPC and wants to be the Prisoner, aka the player character, because the Prisoner can be anyone, whereas he can only be vehk. (ref point 1)

almalexia seems to share the same knowledge as the other two, but denies it in favor of attempting to create her own narrative. (ref point 1, 4, and 5)

next, we'll talk about our beloved lorkahn, freak extraordinaire, god of mortals, spirit of nirn. his uesp page will be ref point 6.

obviously, lorkhan's heart is tied to nerevar's fate. it's tied to SO many fates--the tribunal, the nerevarine, dagoth ur, nerevar, the dwemer, etc which is rather fitting for the god of mortals i think. (i also won't go into my ramble about nerevar's parallels with lorkhan because that's a whole other ordeal)

vehk claims that nerevar and dumac fought and fell from the wounds inflicted upon each other. simultaneously, vehk straight up admits to killing nerevar (ref point 5), then just as easily says no, they didn't, actually (ref point 5) and says that that's just a lie spread by alandro sul. vehk is an infamously unreliable source. he lies as easy as he breathes, if not easier.

the battle of red mountain is an entire fucking thing. i really cannot even try to explain what happened during it because of the conflicting sources (see: the previous paragraph where vehk vehks ominously) but we DO at the very least know that the heart was struck, the dwemer disappeared, and nerevar died. whether or not he died DURING the battle or AFTER isn't entirely clear; again, conflicting sources.

aaaaaaaand then, there's dagoth ur. he loves nerevar, he hates nerevar. nerevar betrayed him, he betrayed nerevar. again. conflicting fucking sources. yet another "entire fucking thing" that i can't really go into detail on because i would derail myself so fast.

whatever happened at the battle of red mountain, at least two things are certain: nerevar died and the dwemer disappeared. we genuinely do not know what happened. is it likely the tribunal killed nerevar? yes, it's incredibly likely. but we do not have a 110% concrete answer of "yes, the tribunal absolutely killed nerevar" because even the tribunal don't seem to genuinely know. i think it's part of what is driving them out of their minds. even they don't know. because, like seht mentions/implies, they are bound to the will of the writers and the writers have not given any concrete answers.

i am personally a fan of the idea that it was a dragon break kind of situation, where all realities are simultaneously true and false, because it just feels the most...right, to me.

i had to significantly trim this because oh my god i rambled so much but. tldr we don't know and probably never will. also please nobody yell at me it's 4 am here and i'm just doing this

[maybemanyskeletonhats]

I've been loving your blog lately and it's the only place to get good written dagoth content <3 could I request the elves (specially Dagoth) finally getting with a S/O they've been pining over? I live for sweet lovey dovey stuff :V thanks so much for posting awesome content!

I'M ALIVE AND OKAY! I've had serious stuff going on lately so I haven't been writing at all. This has been in my drafts for ages but I hope you enjoy it.

Sotha Sil gives this small smile when they tell him they feel the same way he does. Despite his circumstances he found his person. And he can never give a gift any greater back to them.

Vivec's heart races and he's visibly excited. He found someone he wanted to be part of all aspects of his life...he's never felt such joy.

Almalexia never expected true love to happen again in her life but here she is. Her eyes are twinkling and she becomes completely content when they are around.

Voryn Dagoth perks up and he smiles lots more when they come into his presence. To him, the most valuable thing he has now...is them.

Mannimarco's face gets bright red. He finds them utterly beautiful and all he wants to do is look at them. He'll deny it...but it's there.

Divayth Fyr will say he is too old to feel hurt or nervous about having feelings for someone...the way he avoids eye contact while saying it says other wise...they can see the way his lips curl upwards though.

Neloth let's out a triumphant 'Hah' when they say they return his feelings. He thinks they would have been foolish to not accept his offer of courtship...that said he has a pep in his step and he's extra sassy to the other wizards.

Nerevar can't help the unconscious hand that brushes over his heart that's beating a mile a minute. He says nothing, but a breathless nod and a large smile.

[aladaylessecondblog]

Red Mountain Waffle House, pt. 14

Author's Note: Angst & misunderstandings

-----------------------------------

Somehow or the other she had been drawn to the Shrine of Azura. Before falling in with that group of former slaves in Zebabi, Sadara had looked into where the shrine was, and figuring Azura would have some answers, headed over that way.

The priests sold her some glow dust, and she made the offering as the sun was going down.

"Azura," she said, "I don't ask for you to do me any favors - I just want answers. With the prophecies, and all that - was I the Nerevarine? I mean clearly I'm not fulfilling them, so did I have ANY purpose here? What was it?"

There was a pause, a slight breeze, and then a voice in her mind.

"You have served the purpose I set out for you."

"What purpose?"

"You ensured Nerevar's bones were brought to Dagoth Ur." A pause. "There have been many Nerevarines, and you were meant to be the last. So many have failed, and you remain...the cycle repeated, in my vain hope one of you would follow the prophecies. But there have been too many failures - and so I have chosen a different path."

"What path?" Sadara felt her stomach drop. You have served your purpose.

"Nerevar will surely follow my will and destroy the Tribunal; he was ever faithful in life, and I see no reason that his loyalty should fail now. I am glad of your assistance, but your part in this is done."

She turned away without saying anything more.

Fuck Azura. Fuck everyone...except maybe Jiub.

Nothing had changed. Nothing would ever change.

----------------------

Traveling about and killing cliffracers was okay for a week or so, but on using her name in Molag Mar, she'd drawn some attention. The healer had looked up, and gone, "Sadara? What're you doing here?"

"Working," she said, "Cliffracer plumes sell for a decent amount."

"You're working? Why?"

"For a living? Why does anyone work?" she shrugged.

"There are some people looking for you--"

The moment her wounds were closed she left, and bought a cloak to cover herself a bit better on the way out. Why would they be looking for her? They had the bones, the moon-and-star, the heirloom ring of Dagoth Ur's. What more could they want her for? Gilvoth had made pretty clear she wasn't wanted there. But then something else occurred to her--the Tribunal temple would probably want to see her gone still, despite her showing no inclination to fulfill the prophecies. She'd handed over Nerevar's bones, they might have linked her to the one who'd stolen the bones in the first place...b&e, theft, some sort of heresy charge, that'd put her away for a while. And that was if the ordinators didn't outright kill her.

Whatever goodwill she'd built with Vivec when she'd done that favor of getting the tattoo was surely burned away now...and Almalexia, she was another thing entirely.

She left Molag Mar, and thereon stopped using her name.

When she cleared the slavers' cave of Zebabi and freed the khajiit and argonians, they had asked her name. She'd thought for a moment, and said, "Nammu."

Finding out about Fyr's offer to pay for blood had come as a result of one of the argonians, Chalureel, who'd said the slavers had dragged him up to Fyr to give his blood. He was some rare type or the other, and seemed overwhelmed with the idea that the sum paid to the slavers would go to him now.

Sadara agreed to stay with them until they all figured out what they'd do with their newfound freedom. The presence of a Dunmer could handwave some things away, avoid some types of trouble...

The morning after she cleared the cave she asked Chalureel to go up to Tel Fyr with her.

"It's a city unto itself," he said, after giving a description of the route they'd need to take, "There's a lot of things there we could get ahold of, especially if your blood's a type they want."

Fyr was a reclusive sort, but those that worked for him obviously needed places to stay, and a tiny medical school of excellent reputation had popped up, and then there were all the services THEY needed--

The point being, there would be plenty of places to hawk what they didn't need of the slavers' things, and to buy what supplies they needed. She'd sold enough bandits' gear after coming to Morrowind to have a reasonably good discerning eye on the most common stuff. Daggers, leather armor, spell scrolls.

"Alright, so do we have enough water here? Not the salt kind," Sadara said, "How many bedrolls do we need to buy? You all deserve to sleep on more than just the ground like you've been doing."

A list was put together of the things they'd need, and while she and Chalureel were going to Tel Fyr, the rest would head to the shore to do some fishing and foraging.

"It rains fairly frequently here," Chalureel said, "So a rain barrel might be a good idea. The water in the cave...is not exactly clean, because of those slaughterfish the--slavers were keeping. We could boil it, but..."

"We can buy some bottled water at Tel Fyr and get a rain barrel, or something like it, and boil the water here if it's absolutely necessary. There's some cooking supplies here, so we've got a pot for it...we've got the list, so let's head out."

The blood donation didn't take all that long. It was mainly filling out the forms and negotiating for things other than money that took extra time.

In exchange for a reduced payment she managed to wrangle out getting a couple potions and to be taught Restore Health with the first donation of her own blood. Fireball she figured would be next - that would make the campfires a bit easier to start up. Then a frost spell, so they could have form up a crude refrigerator somewhere in the cave.

They were kept another hour and give some orange juice, and healed up just to be safe. Then they went shopping.

The rain barrel angle didn't pan out, but they got several jugs and bottles of water, as well as some dried fish, a couple kwama eggs, saltrice, and some shein. A box of rations from a surplus store. It felt like a wealth of food, what was in that box...

But the real treat came when she spent what she'd put aside for herself. It wasn't much, only twenty gold, but she got a new robe, the first bit of clothing she'd bought in ages that wasn't from a secondhand store.

And a green candle. There had been red ones. Smelling them had given a scent of cinnamon and memory of Jolene--Dagoth Ur, her mind corrected her. That look in the picture that had buoyed her for a little while, made her feel adored, what might have been the first stirrings of love, but which now--

Surely you understand it has always been Lord Nerevar that he wants?

The words reminding her that she was to stay in her place, that she was not to reach for anything better.

She put the red candle back and hurried along with Chalureel, whose own treat seemed to be four bags of cheese puffs. The remainder that they weren't saving went to a couple bottles of soda and some off-brand chocolate the others liked.

At last they headed back, and she thought that evening, on looking at what had been the slave pen and was now her room, that all things considered this was better than she'd had in a while, even if there wasn't any plumbing here.

It was a roof over her head, food in her stomach, and a safe place to sleep. That was all it used to take to keep her happy, and it would have to be enough now.

If she just kept believing it, maybe it would be true.

------------------------------------

When Jiub saw the golden-skinned mer approaching the Waffle House a week after the last sleeper, at first he wondered why an Altmer that clean was coming out here.

Then the door opened, and the new waiter dropped to his knees. "Saint Nerevar!"

"Rise," the mer, Nerevar apparently, replied, "I have--to speak to your cook."

"Of course, of course." The waiter moved in close and said, "Be on your best behavior."

"Right." Jiub shrugged, and the waiter headed off to clean the bathroom, or smoke, or something - he didn't really pay attention. Once the man was out of earshot he looked to Nerevar.

"Is Sadara not here? The Sleepers keep saying she doesn't work here any longer."

Jiub scoffed. "And their word wasn't good enough for you?"

"Where is she?"

"She doesn't live with me anymore, if that's what you mean. Do you want coffee? Eggs?"

"Where--where did she go?" Nerevar's voice was more insistent now.

"As if I'm going to tell you."

"Look--" Nerevar's tone went stern, in what Jiub supposed was his military-leader voice. "--you need to tell me where she is."

"Why should I do that?" Jiub turned, and kept one hand in his right front pocket, where he'd moved his box cutter to. "Huh? The volcano man not quite what you expected?"

"There has been a misunderstanding--"

"Misunderstanding!" Jiub laughed harshly. "Oh yes, Sadara didn't even come home afterwards, I'd say it was more than just a fucking--get out. Now."

"Who do you think you are?"

"The man who knows where she is. So I suggest you keep your hands to yourself. I fucked up your wife, I can fuck you up too."

"She's not my wife anymore, I don't--this isn't about her. I want to know where Sadara is, so I can bring her back to Red Mountain."

"What, to be mocked some more? Do you need a punching bag so you don't get bored?"

Nerevar glared in a way Jiub assumed was meant to intimidate him. It didn't work.

"That was never what was intended."

"Really, what was intended? Because whatever was said was bad enough she didn't even repeat it to me, and she tells me everything. Just said it was nothing we hadn't heard before." Jiub crossed his arms. "Why should I tell you fucking anything when you're the reason she's like this?"

"The person she talked to--did not--" Nerevar groaned, and buried his face in his hands before looking back up. "How do I convince you I don't mean her harm? I only want her to take the place that's rightfully hers now. I thought--we hadn't seen her, so we assumed she must not have been interested in being Lady Dagoth. Then one of the Sleepers let us know she DID show up, and we simply hadn't been told about it."

"Yeah, she delivered your bones," Jiub replied, "You'd think you'd be more grateful."

"I didn't KNOW! One of Voryn's brothers turned her away and--look, I just want to correct the situation. I want to make things right. Then you won't see me again."

"It's her seeing you I'm worried about. Why should I trust you, eh? Give me one good reason not to hurl your ass out like Jazz." Jiub thought for a few moments, then cracked his knuckles. "Tell you what...if you kick my ass well enough, I'll tell you where she is."

A pause.

"Are you game for it? Or are you a big golden chicken?"

-------------------------

The kagouti hunt was not going very well.

They had enough to eat, but Sadara had headed out into the blight storm since she was immune to the blight, saying it'd probably be a good idea to get some fresh meat anyway. The slaughterfish in Zebabi's water (Gish, oddly enough, seemed to think of them as children) were happy enough with scraps, but...leftovers surely weren't healthy for them

In reality she preferred not to while away her time in Zebabi. Even with the others around it was too quiet, and if things were too quiet she'd start thinking.

And if she started thinking, she'd just end up making herself miserable. No. Better to get outside and actually DO something, until she was tired enough she'd go right to sleep when she got back.

But the blight winds were thicker than usual--or at least, thicker than she was used to--and she found herself stumbling along the paths, groping along the rocky mountainside to keep a sense of which direction she was going in. She was almost afraid to pull out her phone. Suppose it blew away, in all this wind?

Sadara took another step, leaned harder when a gust of red ashy wind blew right in her face--and fell into darkness.

"FUCK!" she screamed, and thanked any gods who might be listening that she'd had the Fyr people teach her the Light spell last time she was up there.

It looked like she'd fallen into some kind of hallway...a long corridor, there were visible doors along it. She'd think it was a dwemer ruin if it wasn't for the tombish look about it, and the lack of brass accents.

She set her quiver down to mark the spot, and then headed down the hallway. The doors opened, and she saw ash pits, with offerings covered in dust. Clearly, no one had been here in ages and ages.

A ghost or two rose...but gave her only a look before meandering about the room.

Probably a really old Hlaalu tomb.

She'd been to one or two tombs and left small offerings, but had never actually seen the ghosts wandering around like people had reported. Here, though...they seemed to be everywhere here. Some of the older looking ones ignored her, while a young one or two followed her for a while. Most vanished when she looked at them directly.

Then she came to a larger room--and the ash pit here was much, much larger than any of the others she'd seen.

As with some of the others, a ghost rose from the ashes.

This one, rather than looking at her and then quickly away, fixed her with a keen gaze that didn't once break away.

"Who are you?"

"My name's Sadara," she said, "I'm sorry, I fell into the tomb from the outside. I don't mean any disrespect. ...though I assume you must all know that already, since no one's attacked me."

"You must have married into the house," the ghostly woman said. "There is no other explanation."

"This isn't a house Hlaalu tomb?"

A snort.

"Oblivion, no. This is a House Dagoth tomb."

Sadara immediately started to back out of the room. "Well, I guess...I guess I'm technically one of you, but the marriage...isn't going to last."

"Isn't going to last? When the one you married has been rude enough not to bring you here to introduce you to the family..."

"It wasn't the one I married, but one of his--brothers that told me." Sadara shrugged. "I married him drunk, his brother said it was a mistake, and with Nerevar there again--look, I'll get out of your hair."

"No, no, stay. Stay, tell me what happened. The man you married, was it one of Voryn's brothers?"

"It was Voryn himself, and one of his brothers to--why am I telling you? It's probably getting annulled soon, I won't be part of the House for much longer."

"You shouldn't let yourself be shoved out so easily. Any Lady Dagoth should be strong enough to form herself a place. Voryn's brothers have ever been overprotective of the family honor and nobility--they tried to push off Nerevar, and now they are trying to push off you. With the same tricks, I imagine. But just like Nerevar, you--"

Sadara turned and bolted out the door, back down the hallway, ignoring every attempt by the ghosts she passed to call her back.

Just like Nerevar.

Just like Nerevar.

All she wanted was to escape that name, to escape his shadow, but every attempt seemed to deepen the trap she was in.

How long do I have to live in his shadow?

-----------------------------

The blight storm hadn't let up in the least by the time she returned to the cave--and with her arm raised to protect her eyes she didn't nothing the ordinator standing just inside the cave. He stood straight and pointed his spear at her when she approached.

"Who are you?"

"S--Nammu, I live here!" Sadara corrected herself, "Don't tell me it's been seized!"

"Not seized. ...temporarily commandeered," the ordinator said, "Go inside...but there are more of us in there, and if you step out of line you'll be dealt with."

Great, she thought, just great. As if I needed more problems right now.

She went on inside, noting there weren't that many extra ordinators inside, or rather, not as many as she expected. Nuralg was the first to see her, and shook her head on being told the hunt hadn't gone well.

"This one could have told you it was a bad idea to hunt in blight winds. The only thing one can catch out there right now is a blight disease. Dinner will be ready in a bit...but there is someone occupying your room. You'll have to have a chat with her."

The her in question was entirely a surprise. No sooner did she open the little door (which was flanked by two more ordinators) than she laid eyes on--

"Queen Barenziah?"

"Sadara!"

Both were equally surprised to see one another. Sadara walked forward, trying to think of how to not explain the situation to her.

"What are you doing out here?" was the queen's first question.

"The job didn't pan out. What're you--this doesn't seem the kind of place you'd frequent." Sadara gave a faint smile.

"I was making a trip to Tel Fyr for an injection...I've got something called rheumatoid arthritis, and I would far rather have the doctors do it than trust the job to a maid or to my shaking hands. The blight storm grew stronger while we were trying to sail by, and...well, we took shelter here, not knowing anyone had already made it a home."

"It's not too bad here, provided you fluff your pillow up well enough. And have a good bedroll. Maybe it's a bit too quiet, that's my only complaint."

"Besides not having running water?" Barenziah laughed slightly. "It reminds me of the old days, but...I prefer not to go back unless necessary."

There was a pause, and for that silence Sadara thought that no more would be said.

But of course, she would later think, she could not be so lucky.

"Hunting cliffracers?" she asked, "I expected you could find another job waiting tables up in the north, with your experience."

"I wanted to get away from the region," Sadara replied quietly. She shrugged a moment later. "Lot of drama went on...Almalexia turned up, and there was...a time I got very drunk, and...it's all behind me now."

Barenziah fixed her with a Look.

"What?" she asked, "I think I actually prefer living here over that shithole I was living in. It's by the ocean, it rains more often, and..."

No response.

"I do pay attention to the online discourses, you know," the queen mother started again, "And I can put two and two together."

"I don't want to talk about it," Sadara replied quickly. "Please, let's just talk about something else."

Literally anything else. She simply wanted to keep her mind off the Situation. Eventually that ache would peter out and everything would be as it was before. Everything went down the drain anyway, eventually this would too.

"Answer a few questions, and then I will speak no more of it. I already know about this infamous marriage of yours, and I simply want to know--"

"Do I have a choice?" Sadara slumped slightly.

A few questions and then this'd be over. Barenziah would leave, and she'd get on making the best of this place.

"Did you get thrown out?"

"Not out of my apartment, no, I just didn't go back. There wasn't much to go back for."

"And Dagoth Ur?"

"I haven't seen him since the night the wedding happened. When I visited the--that palace he lives in, all I saw was his brother. If I hadn't left he'd have put me out."

"You poor thing," Barenziah's tone was sympathetic, "This is what I was trying to warn you about. These men will use you and cast you aside the moment you are no longer useful to them."

"I...I brought him Nerevar's bones. Thought we'd have to talk anyway. But...I guess he didn't want to talk..."

You have served the purpose I set out for you.

She gulped slightly. "Anyway...I suppose you'll be staying overnight. We can feed the lot of you, but it'll be a bit tight...not what you're used to, I'm sure."

"We've got some stores of our own to add, if you're inclined to make a stew. Or if you're not, I like my entourage to be well prepared." There was a pause. "I apologize for pressing, but...if you'd like the marriage annulled, I'm sure--"

"No, let him live with the stain." The venom in her tone surprised even Sadara, and she shook her head. "The only revenge I can have right now is that my name is still linked with House Dagoth. He has Nerevar now, and he'll want to marry him soon, which'll mean he'll want my signature on the divorce papers."

She'd seen how easy it could be to get a divorce in Morrowind. Thirty days apart--and they were fast closing in on that number--no matter how short a time it had been since the wedding--with papers signed, and that would be that.

It could be as if it had never been.

"Maybe I can get a bribe out of it. They want to call me a gold-digger, maybe I should just quit trying, and...and give them what they're--"

She took in a sharp breath.

Barenziah's open arms was all it took.

Sadara sank into them, sobbing, and wasn't aware of very much else for a long while afterward.

Just this time. I will let myself be sad just this time. But no one else will get to see it. No one else.

[trickstarbrave]

im trying to get back into writing. i havent had much writing juices flowing in my brain :(((((

but here is vivi and steren in the au my brain cooked up yesterday (yeah my brain made yet another one.)

vivienne belongs to @mulberrycafe!!

--

Another night was over in the brothel, the sun rising, the windows and curtains drawn shut, and a few more coins hidden away by Vivienne. Steren was once again too exhausted to move from Vivienne’s bed, every inch of his body hurting.

It had been weeks, but no amount of sleep seemed to be healing his wounds. Normally he would have healed much more than this with sleep alone, though he knew the supernatural wounds inflicted by Dagoth Ur’s magic would need proper healing magic.

It was clear the madam knew he was a fighter by nature. A fighter with a very, very pretty face she was able to get her hands on that she did not want running away. No doubt his food was lace with poisons to keep the wounds open without festering, all his muscles feeling raw and his body sluggish. In a way, he supposed it was the right call--if he regained his strength he would have killed her and fled the moment he recovered. It didn’t matter if the bouncers tried to stop him and guards called for his arrest--he’d use levitation and stealth to hide from rooftop to rooftop until he got out of the city before running to the opposite side of Morrowind, then getting a boat to somewhere even further away. 

But she didn’t want to lose something so valuable. Steren was one of her most popular ‘attractions’ outside of Vivienne. Vivienne likely didn’t even know why he was so popular--most of his regulars wouldn’t say. Perhaps they feared the wrath of the good daedra if they openly admitted out loud that they longed for the old temple and “communing” with Viviec. 

They were not as quiet with Steren though. 

“Disgusting Sharmat,” A customer swore, pinning him down while Steren grit his teeth. “Because of you my home was destroyed! All of Vvardenfell wiped clean because of you!”

Another grabbed Steren’s hair, tugging until he gave a sharp cry, before tugging his face close until they could enter his mouth. “Then having the gall to marry the hortator, acting like you own the whole damn temple!” 

Steren shuddered just thinking about it. At least he learned that his parents were alive and well here, and yet…

Well. The Voryn and Nerevar of this world didn’t even know who he was. To all the people of Morrowind, Steren was just a dunmer with an uncanny resemblance to Voryn Dagoth, lord of the Sixth House. He must have been reincarnated too and found Nerevar, who had fulfilled the Nerevarine prophecy upon his reincarnation since there was no son of his for his spirit to watch over. 

At times Steren fantasized about fighting his way out of this place, running all the way off to Mournhold, running into his parents’ awaiting arms. Getting his injuries patched up, Nerevar whispering reassuringly that he would take care of everything, Voryn stroking the hair from his face before feeding him congee with kwama eggs and calling him his little star again… Such sweet things helped relax him to sleep while Vivienne stroked his hair, a pleasant thought to soothe the pain in his body. 

But it was just that--a fantasy. Nothing more or less. 

Even if he did escape, he knew going to the temple would sooner get him arrested than an audience to the king or his consort. Why would they let a mysterious young man, filthy and battered from battle and weeks spent in a brothel speak to someone so powerful? Especially one with an uncanny resemblance to the king’s consort, with a blasphemous red mark on his forehead? If he said he was their son from another world he would be seen as insane and dangerous, locked up for good or shipped back to the brothel. And besides, he couldn’t even take Vivienne there, since he was told he shouldn’t ever set foot in the temple. 

He’d just live with the comfort that his parents were alive and happy together. Happy, in love, not knowing he even existed let alone what he was going through so they didn’t have to worry. 

Being content about his parents just being alive would be good to spite Azura too. No doubt after hearing his request to be with his parents, she sent him here as punishment deliberately. Just killing him and barring him entry from her realm would break her promise, after all, and ultimately not be that good of a punishment. Instead, forcing him to live with his unnaturally long lifespan and suffer, knowing he can’t be with the souls of his actual parents or see this world’s Nerevar and Voryn in the flesh was much more her style. But Steren wouldn’t give in to despair; she can punish him all she likes for being selfish and asking for that as a reward rather than agreeing to serve her for the rest of his life. He’ll find his own way to be happy, eventually. 

Vivienne curled up beside him after hiding the money, Steren loosely wrapping an arm around the other dunmer. It wasn’t quite yet, but it would be soon after punishments were finished and everyone settled in to sleep and rest before tonight. 

“Just a bit more.” Vivienne reassured him. Steren nodded, eyes still closed and too tired to open them. 

He told Vivienne he could leave without him. Steren didn’t like being the reason Vivienne was stuck here longer than usual, but he also let Vivienne have any of his extra money as well that customers would ‘tip’ him with when they felt generous. He knew, even if it took months, that the wounds would eventually heal and he could regain his strength bit by bit. Constant poison was expensive after all, and the madam would eventually be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking Steren developed a disease from the constant stream of poison and wouldn’t be able to fight back. Once he got his magic and ability to fight back, he’d flee himself. 

But sweet, sweet Vivienne hated the idea. If Vivienne was gone, Steren would be punished for it given the madam knew by now that they were close. And he also knew that if he was gone everyone would show Steren more attention and abuse him more. 

“I know.” Steren replied, voice hoarse. “A bit more.” 

[changelingsandothernonsense]

how does josh feel about house dagoth and dagoth ur?

Hello! Oooh some complicated feelings are definitely going on in Joshi's mind. Most of these feelings are not his own and there's a lot of mixing going on as he pieces everything together. Josh has always had dreams about faceless creatures and golden masks. Usually they are waiting in the shadows as he watches Sun's Death over and over again. Sometimes he hears the voice of a woman that he doesn't recognise and can't quite make out. Rarely does he see the creatures following him in the shadows. Just flashes of gold or an eyeless void. Nightmares run in his mother's family and Soul Sickness almost as frequently. It had always been something that was hidden, his mother would get them, as did her mother before her and so on. You just dealt with it. Josh wouldn't begin connecting these dreams and his apparent Soul Sickness directly to Dagoth Ur until after he'd spoken with the Urshilaku's Wise-Woman on the topic. This is because ever since he'd returned to Vvardenfell his dreams had become more vivid and the creatures have started coming out of the shadows. Speaking to him about things he didn't understand. Pulling him towards a volcano. It always starts the same way. A volcano towering before him, the pyroclastic flow hitting him like a wall, vaporising him with the heat and force of it all. Then the dream changes and he finds himself trapped in a dark chamber, something made of ash takes his tongue or a towering figure in a golden mask whispers sweet nothings to him as his body is violated with him being able to do a thing about it. He wakes up scared and confused every time. Yet he has no idea what he's seeing, only that whatever is happening involves this masked bastard inserting himself into his worst memories and high jacking them in some strange, twisted amalgamation of everything that has him quaking in terror.

He doesn't understand what he's saying. The masked figure's voice seems like it should be comforting, but all he feels is utter terror in his presence. He acts with a familiarity that Josh is uncomfortable with. Like he's taken the place of someone else and he's the only person who's aware.

He blurts something about this out by accident to Mehra Milo who suggests he might have Soul Sickness and should submit himself to the Temple. He tries to walk it all back by blaming the imagery on his alcohol habit. It does have him worried, however. Josh doesn't have another dream until he's travelling to the Urshilaku camp. This is where he learns who this masked stranger is and that he should be cautious. He has Soul Sickness, and this Soul Sickness would only worsen once he became one of the Ascended. He starts disappearing into the call of the hive. The call was constant and had him madly chanting hymns to the sixth house whilst writing verse in his own blood on the floor. At this stage, he's absolutely terrified of the Sharmat. All he hears every second of every day are the calls of the Sixth House. Calling him back to join them in service to Dagoth Ur. Arisen amongst the legions below. They keep calling him Nerevar.

He is not Nerevar and he is not the Nerevarine.

It is only when he finds himself taking refuge in Holamayan that he finds the connection. The reason he and so many other Dunmer are finding themselves unable to find a restful sleep. They all share the same blood. It had always been a fact that the Sero clan had trouble joining a Great House. They were a wealthy clan, generally speaking with most of their wealth derived from ebony mines on the mainland. They just could never seem to succeed in joining the Redoran. Something would always come up. Some technicality that excluded them from Great House politics, even when they were making bank. That was of course, until House Hlaalu started accepting clans like theirs in the late Third Era. Finding out that he's related to the main Dagoth line way far back during the First Era was not what he expected to find. Nor did he expect to find his father's line claim's the Hortator as their sire, then again it kinda is the literal translation of the name Ensirhaddon (our Lord has blessed us with a son). At this point he's just beyond confused. He isn't the religious sort and he certainly never bothered paying attention to his history lessons when he was a kid (well the parts that didn't involve the Dwemer anyway). He's confused and he needs more answers. So he steals the relevant tomes from the Dissident Priests and books it straight to the Urshilaku. Things wouldn't become clearer until he'd put on Moon-and-Star and found that he was still alive afterwards. Complete with some bastard First Era Warlord taunting him until he flakes and lets him gain full control. The merger never went to plan and Josh ultimately became the dominant personality, with Nerevar taking over when Josh is too exhausted to fight him off. It also gives him access to Nerevar's memories. This is when all the dreams start to click. Why he felt like he was "standing in" on someone else's intimate moments. Because he was. Love that fell into utter betrayal. That is what he was reliving through his Sleeper Dreams. Josh is meant to be a vessel, a puppet. He was never meant to be the one to face Voryn. He was just a convenient body for Nerevar to take control of in order to enact his revenge on all who'd wronged him. On all who wronged them. Josh has no say and no part in it. Not until he wakes up with his hands around that masked bastard's throat. Ultimately, Nerevar couldn't kill the man he loved again, even after all the betrayal and the curses and the destruction. He just couldn't do it. And Josh can feel all of it. He's trying his best to forget seeing the man he loved being carted away with no knowledge if Erra was even still here. He needed to forget in order to reach the Citadel. Then Nerevar took over just as he broke down from the realisation that Erra might not survive his injuries, only to find himself striking a killing blow to the man his less welcome head mate loved more than anything. A man- no a monster who's actions had most likely killed his husband. He feels Nerevar's love for the old Chimer Lord before being blinded by his own anger and sorrow. He drives Dagoth Ur into the magma below. A life for a life. The cavern collapsing around him. He feels nothing but deep sorrow over the whole ordeal and it isn't all Nerevar's. Something stuck with him too as they both grieved their losses and licked their wounds. In the centuries since, Josh has been better able to separate his feeling's from Nerevar's. It was not his sorrow to hold yet everything hurts. He still has dreams where he connects to what remains of the infected after Red Year, always seeking him out in the darkness. He's the only heir of House Dagoth left who has this hive connection. His subjects want him to come home and take control.

They're his inheritance after all.

[iamnotshazam]

I'm playing through Morrowind for the first time (gently modded) and let me tell you what. Even though I know all the main quest spoilers for the game, the tone and presentation are still intriguing as hell. (as Coldharbour? as the Deadlands? anyway)

I don't necessarily wish I was playing blind instead, because if I hadn't looked up spoilers and how the game handled prophecy and identity, I probably wouldn't bother playing an infamously clunky 2002 game. But one thing important to note is, if playing blind, it would be driving me absolutely crazy wondering who the goddess at the start was.

And it's delightfully disturbing to me that, staying generally out of Daedric circles so far, my money would be on Almalexia. Briefly went to Mournhold, learnt she was Nerevar's wife. And she stays out of public sight. She was nice until recently but then got agressive or something. And she's the goddess the game actually bothers hyping up a bit, if you go to the Temple or to Mourhold. Who else, really? Don't know much about the 'anticipations' yet but Boethiah and Mephala don't seem to care much about the mortals they pay attention to. 'Watchful' they ain't. Azura in books my character has read so far is said to care but she's also vain, so wouldn't she want me to know it was her? And those Nine Divines ladies could be behind this, which may be how the Emperor guy knew to get the ball rolling, but aren't they, like, dead or something? And at this point it's clear the "drive outlanders out of Morrowind" bit everyone says about the Ashlander prophecy may be misinformation. Maybe Almalexia is trying to swoop in and intercede the Nereverine cult?

[pretentious-art-love]

Game Reviews #1 - Morrowind

I have the theory that is is likely the best game Bethesda ever did and everything that came afterwards its just a repeat of what they achieved here. The side content ranges from fetch quests to some okay and interesting stuff, but what tops it all is the main quest, there is a sense of discovery not only exploring wise, but in a narrative sense as well.

The story is also tied to the sense of progression and leveling up, you start as a prisoner who is sent to work as a spy by the emperor, and there is a mystery you have to unveil, since you are a spy, you have to make a cover identity on your own, and the game tells you to do side content on your own and level up to get better at what you do, and better yet, it is all part of your mission, your cover identity, there is no weird sense of immersion breaking urgency like in Cyberpunk where you are dying and it just feels off when you want to explore, or like in Breath of the Wild where they say Ganon is about to break free and you are collecting dragonflies for a girl and her sister, Morrowind gives you the perfect mood to explore and do your own story and it only gives you the information you need at the final of the quest when things are about to go wild.

Morrowind also features a more natural and realistic depiction of the chosen one narrative, since this time you have to convince people and go through several tests instead of being told you are the one and being believed as such by others as a matter of fact, you have to win it, you have to convince them with actions, mere words don't do, people are very apathetic about the prophecy because naturally they don't believe it and just want to see results from you, people in Morrowind are all about to see to believe, and weirdly enough, even when it reduces the power fantasy factor, it makes the story feel a lot more real.

The lore is amazing and everything you hear about the Disappearance of the Dwarves is just neat, it is the kind of cryptic shit that scrambles my brain, the mystery about the real truth of the death of Nerevar, that weird wizard dude that clones his wives, the cult and the use of the Kagrenac tools by the tribunal and Dagoth Ur, it's just so good, it's all so good.

Also, no quest markers whatsoever. I first felt it was frustrating not knowing where to go, but Morrowind taught me about how rewarding the sense of exploration can be, and the sense of freedom that comes with it, no compass telling you where to go, its all about your own story, you get clues and get to discover things, beautiful things, scary things, unbelievable things.

The gameplay is fantastic too, there are just so many things you can use to achieve your goal, sure, the RNG combat is weird at first, the stamina use when walking is weird too, but the more you level up the more satisfying it becomes to hit more frequently, you can either specialize in long blades, or you can use stealth, the magic system is vast and full of possibilities. I was sad first when I used all my Icarian flight scrolls and I couldn't find any on the game, but then I learned you can do a spell to increase your jump and reduce your weight and boom, I was able to make a bootleg icarian flight spell myself, jumping from mountain to mountain. It is all about those little tricks and things you can do, the abilities, the possibilities that just add to the repeatability, the ability to levitate between cities, using the voice of the emperor to charm others, it is just all so good, so good.

Some of the lore was taken along with for the next games, but, I feel this is the only game for me worth exploring. I do like the nordic inspired landscapes, but I haven't felt the drive to explore them when its approach feels so soulless, and while Oblivion and Skyrim are the definition of what I would call generic fantasy, Morrowind's world is creepy and alien, it is scary and wonderful. The steampunk inspired Dwarf ruins, the construction in Sadrith Mora and the closer islands, the open maze that can be Vivec city, the houses made of stone and the manor district of Aldrun, the skeleton warrior filled castle of Firemoth, the altars in the Sixth House bases, the master index forts, that bonelord between the lava I found in a cave raiding one of my trials, it is all so good, so good!

While Daggerfall aimed at a sense of freedom and size with the procedurally generated world, Morrowind uses the manual approach and gives you locations that are all lovely handcrafted one by one without cramming up so many things in a small space, still giving you a big land to wander around and sight-see, Morrowind is the joy of being lost and discovering a place for the first time, to discover something beautiful or incredible after hours of walking, to find a lost fella and help them along the way for then discover the witch that cursed him was actually in the right, Morrowind is about dying, about fight your way in, Morrowind is about having an adventure, and it is one of my favorite games right now.

Plus Dagoth Ur is a pretty hot monster husbando. His aura is unmatchable.

10/10

[mareenavee]

For the Asks to Spread Love, pick and answer 3 that you haven't been asked already! 🧡

Hello again, bri!! Thanks for sending more of these for me! I've really enjoyed catching up on them and thinking through these today!

Fandom Positivity asks from this game here.

10. A popular character you actually really like and why.

I do like me some rare characters most of all lol. My perspective is a bit biased because I love the ones I love and I don't mind if they aren't "popular" per se. (:

LOL -- The obvious answer is Teldryn, right? But I'm gonna talk about

💫Neloth 💫

instead.

I think he's popular to dunk on because he's been a very big pain in the ass in the games for centuries to everyone who will listen to him. I mean, since the events of Morrowind at minimum. (:

Why do I like him? Because of how he's been written by myself and a few friends -- namely @thana-topsy, @paraparadigm (TOOTHPICK!), and @thequeenofthewinter.

I love to see how other people take this character and run with what we're given in text ESPECIALLY considering how ridiculous he is to deal with and his general attitude toward other living things.

For myself, where I write him as a long term friend of Nerevarine!Teldryn Sero, I love to use his character as an opportunity to talk about the struggle of redemption. How does one redeem themselves from a lifetime of difficult choices made to fit into a specific perception? Does this perception eventually end up becoming a core facet of who you are as a person? If that is the case, can you change? Are the consequences of your choices enough to make you irredeemable? Further, can you forgive yourself if change does not come easily or if you return to old behaviors much too easily?

He's a complicated one, I think, especially by the events of Skyrim. He's not exactly estranged from the rest of House Telvanni, but the connection is tenuous and fraught as the House is still, apparently, recovering from the Red Year. In Morrowind it was very much the opposite. There's gotta be a kind of grief to this shift under the uncaring, hyperfocused exterior.

He's annoying, yes, but very interesting to me, and so he's in my fic. And he's actually a huge part of the latter half of the book.

11. Recommend a fic with an unusual/original headcanon or characterisation that you loved.

OH I'm SHOUTING OUT @changelingsandothernonsense's Danger!JOSH (aka Nerevarine Teldryn Sero)'s Nerevar-as-a-parasite situation in Serious Mistakes.

This angry spirit, more or less, lives in the ring and speaks into Teldryn's BRAIN and sometimes drives the entire car, so to speak and I've never ever read anything like it, holy shit. I'm a beta reader for this particular project and I literally cannot yell about it enough.

It's a novelization of the Teldryn Serious mod which was already intriguing, but AH. MY GOODNESS the Nerevar situation.

Let me show you. From chapter 4:

Aren’t you meant to be looking for something? “Oh, you’re still here?” Teldryn rasped, as if saying it out aloud mattered here. You should be thanking me. Teldryn grunted in annoyance, he had a point, he hated it when he was right. His mouth was dry. He wanted to stay where he was. Sleep. You can’t stay here! Get up! Teldryn groaned. Right again – the tide was coming in, if he didn’t find what he was looking for now, then it would be gone by morning. He needed his keys. Was there an Argonian on the beach? He couldn’t remember. His head hurt. He pinched the bridge of his nose, it did little to relieve the pressure. He always overdid it on the magicka, and now he was nauseous.

It's fucking cool, isn't it? (:

19. Give kudos to someone who leaves great comments.

OH GLADLY. Here's where I shout out @polypolymorph!!!

Okay so I could pick out a bunch of comments -- or novel-length responses. Each comment turns into an opportunity for a conversation and I'm always beside myself to hear back from her.

But right now, I'm still grinning ear to ear over, you guessed it. Eyestalks. Eye. Stalks.

(on this project here.)

[whitegoldtower]

Yippee doing one more loredump about my sad Nerevarine

On a positive note, they do have their own personal afterlife. One made for them by Azura, herself, who - even though Balaarys forsook her and she cursed him - still loved the Nerevarine, and was moved by his love for Voryn Dagoth.

I keep saying that Nerevar’s feelings for Voryn were amplified in Balaarys, but I think a better phrasing would be this: Balaarys is the part of Nerevar that loved Voryn. He’s the embodiment of a doomed love. Like I said; he was written to hit the ground, brutally.

But!! In this afterlife, Voryn is alone in it for years until Balaarys finally dies, reliving his past in a reconstructed dream of Red Mountain, dying ofer and over again to faceless white haired Nerevarines… until Balaarys actually shows up.

Voryn is ready to fight again, used to the routine, but it caught off guard by Balaarys just walking towards him, quietly singing the song.

The song is like an instant balm, soothing both of them as it echoes around this dream of the heart chamber, quenching Voryn’s isolated madness and quelling Balaarys’ shock at his own death.

Singing the song soothes Balaarys because he’s completing his unfinished business, singing it to Voryn’s face. And it soothes Voryn because now he knows exactly who Balaarys is.

“You are the embodiment of his love for me. You aren’t Nerevar anymore; you are love, itself.”

(new Dunmeri daedra just dropped? A little scion of Azura representing the process of remembering (the transition between forgetfulness and remembrance), the immortality of a love remembered?)

To which Balaarys once more removes Voryn’s mask to speak directly to him, so that Voryn can’t hide. Balaarys speaks the words he said to Dagoth Ur’s body after killing him.

“We should have lived away from Vvardenfell together. We could have. You would have had me. A heart given freely to you. A heart you would not have needed to steal. Your moon and star. My sun and sky. We could have had it… you idiot.”

These words completely stun Voryn. It takes a moment for him to gather his thoughts enough to respond. But the key here isn’t speaking.

Voryn needs to remember. And the last thing he remembers is a pair of lips upon his own. A pair of lips he couldn’t kiss back.

So he kisses Balaarys, now, instead, and the world around them melts away, shifting from the endless loop of red mountain, to their true afterlife; a little pocket of Moonshadow.

Will they get jiggy with it in the daedric realm? Absolutely they will.

[thescrolls-haveforetold]

Hi Arwen :D I hope you're still doing the oc ask. If not feel free to ignore :)

GET TO KNOW THE OC ASKS: 2 for Arenwe the Fair, 5 for Val, 15 for Kynwyn, and 16 for Juno. And the relationship ask: 4 and 24 for Neht and his old friends (either Voryn, Ayem, Seht, or Vehk.)

Don't need to answer all of them of course ^_^

ofc im still doing it !!! i will answer oc asks when i can, i LOOOOVE questions abt my ocs 🩷🩷🩷

2. Is your OC a loner or a social butterfly? Are they satisfied with how they come across to other people?

A. Arenwe is particularly shy in social situations, he’d much prefer that he fade into the background- but it’s particularly hard to do, as a banished psijic who’s ALSO close with nobility and royalty… not to mention he’s also somewhat socially unaware, living on the island for about 200 years. He likely doesn’t THINK about how he comes across to others…

5. Does your OC have a signature weapon and/or attack? How long did they train to master it?

A. surprisingly enough, Valiel is an incredibly powerful magic user. I say magic user, because he never got the chance to become a proper mage. His primary weapon is his immensely powerful fire magic, which relies entirely on his emotional state. During Kvatch, he was so incredibly stressed out by the situation, in one fell swoop his panic cause a wide spread explosion that wiped out the Daedra within the small spot of Oblivion. Of course he pairs this with a blades katana he’s…okay at using, since he’s the only one who knows how to dismantle Oblivion gates, the Blades INSISTED he be trained properly for combat.

15. What places hold significant meaning or memories for your OC? Do they have a positive or negative association with those places?

A. Most of Whiterun holds memories for Kynwyn, most of all because she’s never really been anywhere else- she’s a teenager who hasn’t much experienced the world, of course. Though… the time she ran from home, managed to get passed Riverwood, and stumble upon the destruction of Helgen and the great black beast soaring overhead, meeting her gaze for a second. That place held… a mix of feelings.

16. How does your OC make money? Do they have a respectible profession or work a series of odd jobs? Are they a criminal? Or do they get creative in the pursuit of coin?

A. Juno is primarily a mercenary after Coldharbour, mostly doing menial work, plundering dungeons, helping towns build and rebuild. She’s lost faith in Dibella, with Molag Bal wanting petty revenge for getting his ass handed to him and the…large list of daedric princes that Juno finds herself pissing off its best to not stay in one place for too long in regards to profession…

AND NOW. THE DESPAIR GANG

4. How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

A. i’ll do Nerevar all together because he’s be pretty brief…

Neht: Voryn’s got hair and eyes. He’s nice to look at, not so nice to talk to. Ayem’s like fire in hair and personality, Seht’s…uh…there, doesn’t talk much. Vehk’s clever.

translated as: Voryn’s handsome, Ayem’s strong, Seht doesn’t like me and Vehk gives me decent advice.

while..

the others, primarily Vivec and Voryn would likely describe Nerevar is more of a… flavourful way? Vivec being a poet and Voryn being…Voryn. Ayem would describe Nerevar’s worth as a king, as a general, what he can give to her people. and Sil…Sil doesn’t like Nerevar, so all you could likely expect from him is a scrunched nose and a ‘he’s alright.’

24. How do these two interact with each other in public versus in private?

I KNOW IT WAS ONLY MEANT FOR TWO CHARACTERS, so I’ll pick… Nerevar and Ayem.

Of course Nerevar and Almalexia are king and queen, it’s only right that outwardly they show a united front, stronger together. Behind closed doors they’re! alright, I think they’re pretty decent friends- they weren’t particularly close as husband and wife, not after a while. Generally they agree on many things and get along best they can, for sake of the realm most of all- that’s their duty and Almalexia and Nerevar want to fulfill their duty to their people as best as they possibly can.

[wellthebardsdead]

The loved & The forgotten pt3

Part 2 here

———

Nerevar: *rubbing his face as he paces back and forth remembering the vision Azura had shown them of her shrine, and the dunmer of silver and ebony skin* I should have investigated the ashlanders warnings when they said they’d found an infant born of night and day.

Voryn: and what would you have done? Killed him before he could grow into a problem yet again?

Nerevar: what? No! I could have raised him and guided him on the correct path.

Voryn: and invoke the ire of Azura? You and I both know you don’t have the heart to betray her neht… *sighs* but even then, your heart always has been too kind… what if he grew up to betray you again? In his last life you pulled him from the streets, you clothed him, fed him, taught him to read, to fight, to sing… and look at what he did to you… and even now he is a threat to us and the good daedra…

Nerevar: *walks to him and gently takes his hands* There’s still a chance we can stop this before it turns to violence… maybe he’s different in this life I mean… in truth he really only turned violent because Azura attacked him first…

Voryn: *sighs* oh moon and star, *gently strokes his cheek* my Hortator your heart will be the death of you… but if you insist… *stands up* I’ll prepare my things… I won’t let you face him alone this time… because last time, well, you lost your face.

Nerevar: *snickers* don’t even joke about that. I was still alive when they cut it off.

Voryn: well I’m glad you got it back, it looks much prettier on your head~

*meanwhile*

Vivienne: *seated in the collage of winterhold as the archmage examines him and the marking on his hand* so… there’s nothing you can do?…

Savos Aren: No methods available to me have worked… it seems this spans beyond just a simple curse or a marking of ownership some daedra enjoy placing on their victims… no this, is deeper than that… If I didn’t know any better I’d say you had a marital bond to the prince of rape but given everything you’ve told me it seems unlikely though- *looks at the unusual dunmer, his one red eye and one blue eye, his silver and ebony skin* You… do look an awful lot like Vivec.

Vivienne: I’m not vivec! Everyone keeps mistaking me for him but I’m not him!

Lucien: I understand you’re you Vivi but… the comparisons are uncanny. Two separate skin tones, two very different eyes, and um- *clears his throat* both the bangers and mash and the toad in the hole, so to speak.

Taliesin: *gently places his hand on Vivienne’s shoulder seeing his growing frustration* Is there anything we can do? Anyone else who might be able to help us?…

Savos Aren: well- there is one person but… He’s as mad as a cliff racer.

Kaidan: ehhh, of course he is, all the powerful magic users are… alright, who is he?…

Savos Aren: his name is Neloth and he’s a- pardon my language, a prick.

Kaidan: *cackles* alright then. So where’s he at?

Savos Aren: solstheim, I believe there’s a ship that travels there from windhelm on occasion. That’d be your best bet.

Taliesin: we could also investigate this miraak cultist business while we’re there too seeing as the library had nothing on him…

Lucien: Ohh! And I can finally investigate dumzbathar-

Everyone: *looks at him*

Lucien: But let’s get our friend separated from the prince of rape and deal with this miraak person first- right. Yes, good plan team.

Inigo: *snickers shaking his head*

[the-elder-polls]

so. i was enabled. tags courtesy of @trickstarbrave (hope you don't mind being tagged, if you do i'll remove it) who is what started my nerevar/lorkhan fascination because i him saw mention this once, causing me to lore deep dive and come out the other side, once again, like this.

once again, disclaimer that i am scatter brained and bad with getting my thoughts into words etc etc please be nice to me or i will cry

so. about the parallels between nerevar and lorkhan

to even try to start, lorkhan was killed/mutilated/brutalized/etc and his heart was separated from the rest of him. there are conflicting sources with saying this was a punishment, while others say he consented to it. regardless of his willingness, his divinity was subsequently exiled/fell/whatever to the nirn. there's a VERY obvious parallel here of nerevar being betrayed and killed/mutilated by whoever it was that killed him and the subsequent nerevarine prophecy.

nerevar, son of boethiah. this is a title given to nerevar, supposedly by lorkhan himself, in the five kings of wulfharth. that's not particularly much on its own. nerevar being a demiprince would hilariously not be that big of a deal considering everything else about him. the reason i'm mentioning this is the 10th sermon of vivec, which notes boethiah as saying about/to lorkhan, "We pledge ourselves to you, the Frame-maker, the Scarab: a world for us to love you in, a cloak of dirt to cherish. Betrayed by your ancestors when you were not even looking. […]" the gods of tes are known for being weird (to put it lightly). i personally think boethiah was in fact the mother-father of nerevar; that nerevar was created for the purpose of being the shezarrine; and that lorkhan, in his weird state, was still fully aware of this. also, again, the parallels of betrayal and mutilation are obvious when you compare whatever happened to nerevar to whatever happened to lorkhan.

nords revere lorkhan as shor, believing he sacrificed his life to help create the world as it is. nerevar and the nerevarine prophecy have some parallels here, i think. nerevar's life was sacrificed "for the greater good" (the eventual downfall of the tribunal as gods, the destruction of dagoth ur) to help "create" the world as it is.

at least one myth (the favored daughter of fadomai) describes azura as finding "[…] broken and bleeding, and there was a hole in his chest." and that she then tore his heart out due to it being corrupted by rot (hi, namira). foul murder is NOT canon, but i think it's worth taking it into consideration here, given that nerevar is depicted in foul murder as impaled through the heart. (i can't really get my thoughts together with what i want to say about this, but i want you to note azura and lorkhan being so strongly associated in this myth. given the EVERYTHING ELSE, it makes sense.)

following on the previous point, the claim that azura appeared and cursed the tribunal for their usage of the heart and their betrayal of nerevar is a good parallel for her finding the wounded lorkhan.

one nordic source (five kings of king wulfharth) states that lorkhan reappeared somehow at the battle of red mountain, reunited with his heart, and that he wounded nerevar before nerevar defeated/killed/etc him. given the absolute absurdity of tes lore, i don't think it's far fetched to say that this could be true in a roundabout way: nerevar WAS lorkhan, or more accurately, the shezarrine. whatever happened at red mountain was a Whole Thing that we don't have concrete answers to. i personally think the proximity to the heart gave nerevar a fucking power up of some sort/allowed him to channel lorkhan much more intensely, which helped him in the next point:

the same source claims that lorkhan said the dwemer would die by his hand which, again, while i'm stretching (all of tes lore is stretching lbr but anyway), i gotta point out that nerevar and the disappearance of the dwemer are intrinsically linked. there's no denying that. if nerevar was the shezarrine, then this could be true - when dumac was struck down by nerevar and kagrenac truck the heart, the dwemer vanished. it's a bit roundabout, but it's not incorrect. ["Nevertheless, it is true that they will die by my hand, and any whoever should side with them."]

also the tribunal's jealousy of nerevar + his outright refusal to use the heart makes a lot of sense if he already had some of that godly power and they didn't. if they saw him at his full potential due to the heart and wanted it for themselves.

anyway. who said that

[crysdrawsthings]

So, I was tagged by @argisthebulwark and @skyrim-forever to do this meme - and sure, why not! Will be answering for Deer, portrait being done in a very fun Picrew by elenaillustrate.

Seasoning: Entire spice cabinet dumped into a dish. Perhaps by accendent. Coincidentally - Deer's cooking style.

Weather: Pleasant warm evening sun, perfect for a little lazy nap on the porch.

Colour: Rich, darker shade of gold.

Sky: Dusk. The very specific part of Sun slowly rising.

Magic Power: I mean, her entire thing and brand is turning into a dragon to various degrees?

House Plant: Tiny cacti. Like, the tiniest cacti you can imagine.

Weapon: Auri-El gave her two perfectly good hands and she is so going to use them.

Subject: Absorbing scientific knowledge through cultural osmosis and listening to people infodumping. By the way, have you heard about the great eel excommunication by the priesthood of Auri-El in the early 1E?

Social Media: liveblogging, but so deranged it circles back to being funny.

Make-up Product: Eyeliner for her and concealer for throwing at neighbors.

Candy: These super sour candies that make your face scrunch into a point.

Fear: Probably not being able to girlboss hard enough to save everyone she wants to save. Also forks.

Ice Cube Shape: The ice is ice! Who cares!

Method of long-distance travel: Scenic route through the middle of nowhere and absolute neck of the woods.

Art style: Singing, but specifically the kind that only works for karaoke, camping with friends or obnoxious shower singing at 5am.

Celestial Body: I would say comet.

Mythological Creature: Dragon, naturally.

Piece of stationery: Fancy stickers. Definitely fancy stickers.

As for tagging people myself: hmmm, maybe @thelastpinecone @nerevar-quote-and-star, @average-crazy-fangirl @fallen-chances and mhm @thelavenderelf

Absolutely no pressure and if you like the idea, naturally!

[aladaylessecondblog]

Lil Nerevar 7

"No, mama. Like dis."

Haj-deek grunted slightly, and a ball of light appeared in the hands she'd cupped together.

"I know, but I--" Sadara tried again, this time with more effort. A faint light appeared in her hands--faint, but there. "I've always had a problem with Illusion spells...you'd think being a bard I'd be better at it..."

"It's all very well, you will improve in time," Dagoth Ulen said, "You simply had no ability to be taught, and to learn alongside little lady Sunnar will benefit both of you. And different people have different talents, of course."

"Papa says his blood makes me better at magik," Haj-deek gave a little smile. "He talk in my dreams sometimes. And serjo Lorkhan too."

"Lorkhan?" Sadara's eyes widened.

"Yes," the girl nodded, "He very sad, nobody talk to him. Like papa was before you, mama. He say it make him crazy."

"And he isn't now?" It was Dagoth Ulen's turn to speak.

"He getting better."

Sadara hardly knew what to say, or to think, and was extremely grateful when Dagoth Ulen spoke up again.

"Now, you are very smart, so I know you won't be upset when I say you should be suspicious of whoever this is. It may be Lorkhan, it may be someone pretending to be him. We wouldn't want you to speak to one of the Daedra Lords who are trying to fool you - they aren't to be trusted, you know. What does Lorkhan ask of you? How does he appear to you?"

"Big snake. Sometimes he have wings. He likes to ask what I think about new thing I learn. Says it nice to hear child talk, we excited about everything! Then I ride on his back and if he have wings we fly all over!"

They broke for lunch, and after that the lesson went on. Sadara finally got the hang of the light spell, and Haj-deek went off to see if her father was "done staring at the heart."

"The Lorkhan talk worries me," Sadara said to Ulen quietly, "If it was Azura, she'd say it was her, she's too vain not to."

"She spoke of this even before you were revived," Ulen replied. "She hasn't mentioned this in such a way before..."

"What if she is telling the truth? I don't remember this ever happening before...if he appeared, he appeared as someone, not speaking to people in their dreams. That's more..."

"Lord Dagoth's specialty, you might say?"

"It might be a good idea to get some books on Shor and Shezarr, since that's how he's seen by people in Skyrim and Cyrodiil. Might give us some clues. But really, I couldn't see what he would want with my daughter."

"Perhaps he just wants a friend. But either way, rest assured, we will do what we must to protect her."

[trickstarbrave]

This is so long I’m sorry

Modern au I haven’t named. Pregnancy trope.

This came out too long I’m sorry I have just been laying in bed writing

Nerevar’s mom is kind of a milf in it tho.

Nerevar stared down at the stick of plastic on his bathroom counter, his gaze flicking back and forth between it and the instructions that came with the kit.

Two blue lines stared back at him, almost mockingly, as he made double, triple sure at what the instructions said. Then, for good measure, he pulled out his phone and googled what it meant if one line was kind of faint.

The results did not offer him any respite. Despite his bargaining and hope to deny what was in front of him, he couldn’t ignore what it meant. He turned his phone off, slumped, and quickly slid down to sit on the bathroom floor, head in his hands and breathing labored.

Positive.

Nerevar Mora was, in all likelihood, pregnant. He’d need to go to a doctor to check, but he didn’t have much faith in the test being wrong. Google had also informed him that the chances of it being a false positive were less than 1%.

He always prided himself on having a plan. Even if he didn’t have one, he had faith in most situations he could figure something out. He was confident, headstrong, and self assured. But right now he didn’t feel like any of that; all he felt was fear and apprehension, completely at a loss of what to do.

The thought occurred to call Voryn and let him know, his phone in his hands as he hovered over the contacts button, but he didn’t even open it to look at Voryn’s number let alone call him. What if it was just a false positive? Nerevar was on testosterone; maybe that was interfering with the test somehow? He honestly didn’t even think he could get pregnant on T, but google informed him he could, which is why he bought the test in the first place (which gave him horrible dysphoria the whole time, even if the woman at checkout likely thought he was a cis man buying it for his girlfriend or something).

Did he even want the kid? It was a hard question to answer. Nerevar had always wanted a family of his own. Sure, his mom wasn’t dead, but they weren’t particularly close either for a good chunk of his life. He was smart enough to go to a boarding school, got into fights constantly at his old place, argued with his uncle, and wanted to get away from it all. It was there that he met Voryn when they were kids, quickly becoming close friends with him. As dumb as it was, having a kid was something he did genuinely want; a kid he wanted to be a better parent to than his own mom had been to him. She wasn’t abusive, nor was she ever mean or dismissive or neglectful, she was just not an affectionate woman. She was a bit cold, not just to Nerevar, but everyone, and her family couldn’t understand why she would choose to have a kid with Nerevar’s father.

He wanted to have a family on his own terms with someone he loved. He wanted a baby, even though he knew this was not the right time. Part of him worried about what Voryn’s response would be; Voryn wasn’t cruel either, at least not to Nerevar, but…

Well, having a baby always complicated things. This wasn’t something a couple could just agree to disagree on. Either Voryn agreed and wanted a kid with him, or he didn’t. Voryn could say now wasn’t the right time and he should get an abortion, but if Nerevar was honest, he didn’t think there was ever going to be a ‘good’ time.

Nerevar loved Voryn dearly, but he didn’t think their relationship was going to work out long term, baby or not. He had already submitted himself to this around the time they started dating. When Voryn confessed, Nerevar had felt the same way and the two agreed to go out, but Nerevar thought it was puppy love. The two could be highschool sweethearts, but Nerevar wasn’t stupid; most people did not marry the people they dated in school, and even fewer of those marriages lasted very long if they did get married. You grew and changed a lot as you entered adulthood, and what you wanted in a relationship changed. And that was only made more extreme with the fact Nerevar and Voryn came from two very different backgrounds.

Voryn was the son of the prestigious Dagoth family, very wealthy and successful, and was all but certain to take over the company despite being the youngest son of the family. Nerevar meanwhile was the son of an MMA fighter and the bastard son of a wealthy business owner, born out of wedlock. The guy would have probably been a good father, but he died when Nerevar was only a baby after being hit by a drunk driver. His mom had money set aside and a great life insurance payout from his dad, not to mention one of his dad’s siblings gave her his dad’s would be inheritance (which was less than what the others would have gotten), but his family wasn’t rich. He had a college fund and a safety net in case something went wrong, his mom could retire comfortably, and that was about it.

It wasn’t hard to figure out Voryn would move on. He imagined after they went off to college, between studying and working at his family’s company to learn the ropes, Voryn would realize he wouldn’t want to do this forever. Already Voryn’s brothers didn’t like Nerevar and only tolerated their relationship because the two of them were young. Family and social pressures to find a good spouse would wear him down and he’d break up with Nerevar in search for someone that fit in with his life plan, leaving Nerevar as nothing more than a pleasant memory of simpler, carefree times.

And that wasn’t getting into the fact Nerevar didn’t know if he would be able to have kids in the future. It wasn’t uncommon to just get a hysterectomy after so many years on T. While other people ran off and had kids in their late 20’s, the time to have it for Nerevar might pass before he found someone else to settle down with.

But a baby would make their situation already so much more difficult. What kind of scandal would it be for the heir to the Dagoth family to have a baby out of wedlock with someone like Nerevar? Voryn wasn’t a major celebrity, but people in upper class social circles would talk. It would also get in the way of future marriage prospects if he had an ex and a baby already under his belt from when he was 18. Even if they broke up amicably, when Voryn eventually remarried his new spouse might not look too kindly at Nerevar’s child, wanting to insist Voryn disown them and cut them out of the will entirely or act like an evil step parent if Voryn had shared custody.

Nerevar hadn’t considered any of this. If he knew this might happen, he would have gotten a fucking IUD or implant like Vivec said he should have. But Nerevar thought it wasn’t necessary as he was on T and they always used a condom. Even if it broke, like it did 2 months ago, he didn’t think much would come of it. And now he was in deep shit, not knowing what he was going to fucking do.

Instead, he dialed the number for his doctor’s office, making an appointment. He wanted to make sure he was pregnant, and after that he would figure out what he was going to do. Maybe he could test the waters with Voryn by hinting at the situation somehow, and play it by ear. Right now at least he wanted to trust that he and Voryn could figure this out. They could write up an agreement, speak with Voryn’s mother, and if he had to move away and cut the relationship off here then so be it. But he wasn’t going to tell Voryn until he knew for certain.

--

Vivec had come with him to the appointment, slouched in the chair next to the exam table Nerevar was seated on.

“Most people take the potential father to these appointments, Neht.” Vivec said, deadpan. He had been snarky the whole time, but insisted on going with Nerevar so he didn’t have to do this alone. “Or at the very least, their parents.”

“My mom is several states away and I already told you I don’t want to tell Voryn until I know for certain.”

“But you’re going to have to tell him, you know that, right?” Silence followed, as Nerevar stared down at his hands, twirling his ring nervously.

“I know.” Nerevar sighed. “I just… I want to be certain.” He knew it was stupid to be this anxious, but it wasn’t exactly nothing. This wasn’t just something you got to have a break up over and move on. “I also needed some time to think and figure out how I’m going to tell him if I really am.” The last thing he needed was Voryn panicking and Nerevar left regretting even telling him, all while Voryn’s brothers threaten to kill him or start causing shit.

“He’s going to kill me when he finds out you took me instead of him to find out.”

“Oh stop it, no he isn’t.” Nerevar rolled his eyes. “Even if he’s angry I’ll tell him it was my decision and take the blame.”

“You think that will stop him?” Vivec questioned him.

“He’ll have more important things to worry about if I am.”

It was then a knock followed, and the same nurse that did his blood work came in. She had in her hands a stack of papers, a brief look of uncertainty in her eyes before she flashed him a polite smile.

“The results are in, Mr. Mora.” Nerevar already felt a cold sweat break out, dreading the answer. He already knew what it was going to be, but he was still terrified of having it confirmed. “You are pregnant.”

Ice flowed through his veins and his hands went rigid, his jaw tightening, before he inhaled and exhaled shakily.

“We can go over your options if you’d like,” She began, handing him the papers. There was a lot of information on them, including several pamphlets on top. Stuff like how far along he might be, what to expect each month of pregnancy, supplements to take, diet and exercise, and a booklet on abortion. “Or you can go home and think it over and give us a call back if you want to schedule a follow up appointment with a pre-natal doctor.”

He pursed his lips. He was in no condition to make a decision right now. If he and Voryn broke up he probably wouldn’t be in any mood to stay nearby.

“I’ll call later to set up an appointment.” Nerevar said, wanting to just go home. He didn’t want an abortion but he could look into it on his own time, he didn’t want to sit down with a doctor talking about it in this cold ass office. He just wanted to go home and think about how the hell he was going to tell Voryn about all of this. Voryn was still trying to figure out where he wanted to go to college and they had just graduated, so he had his hands full, and Nerevar needed time.

The nurse gave a look at Vivec who met her eyes completely unphased, before the two were led out.

The car ride back, Nerevar stared at his text conversation with Voryn while Vivec drove. Saying this over text was too much. He was going to have to say it in person. Instead he texted Voryn asking when they could meet up again, leaving it open ended. He didn’t want to rush him or say they needed to talk about something as that would just prompt Voryn to ask about what and Nerevar would have to either explain or make him anxious.

“It will likely be another week.” Came Voryn’s reply. “I can call you tonight though if you’re feeling lonely.”

“Nah,” Nerevar replied, “I’m feeling kinda sick today. A week works, just let me know when you can come over.”

“I’ll let you know.” Voryn answered, “I love you, Neht.”

Nerevar stared at the message, a lump in his throat. He’d blame it on pregnancy hormones, but he actually started tearing up over the uncertainty of it all. He wanted Voryn with him right now actually, holding him and reassuring him it will all work out. He wanted to text Voryn that actually he should drop everything and come to Nerevar’s apartment tonight. That it was an emergency. That he needed him.

But he knew if he did it might just make the situation worse. He didn’t want to just sob and unload it all onto Voryn. It was his fault he was pregnant anyways, he was the one who told Voryn not to worry about it when the condom broke. He was the one who didn’t buy plan b in the morning. He was the one who didn’t get an IUD or something like Vivec said as a back up. The last thing Nerevar wanted was trying to shove all of it on Voryn when he was busy and had more important things going on. And what if Voryn didn’t reassure him? What if Voryn dumped him then and there or told Nerevar to get rid of it? He didn’t think Voryn was the type to do that, but he imagined many people didn’t think their partners would do that either when it does happen. And if he heard that it would only send him spiraling.

He needed time to compose himself and figure it out. He had a week, that would be enough time to sort it out.

Vivec reached over the console to hold his hand, squeezing it.

“It’ll be alright, Neht.” Vivec’s voice was actually quite sympathetic. “When you get home take a shower and rest. You can look at all the papers and think about what to do in the morning.” Nerevar exhaled, his breathing unsteady as he held back sobs. “Do you want me to spend the night?”

“No,” In reality all Nerevar wanted was Voryn. “I want to be alone tonight. Just take a shower and lay in bed for a while.”

“Alright.” Vivec gave his hand another squeeze, before letting go. “Call me if you change your mind.”

—

Two days passed, and the last thing Nerevar had been expecting was loud knocking on his door. He got up from the couch, confused, checking through the peephole.

He was greeted by the sight of Voryn’s brother Vemyn with two people behind him. Panic set in immediately as soon as he saw them. Had something happened to Voryn? That was the only thing he could think of, that Voryn had died just like Nerevar’s father had died when he was a baby.

He threw the door open, frazzled and confused, barely able to open his mouth before all three pushed their way into the apartment and shut the door behind them.

“What?!” Nerevar moved aside, but did look for something he could use as an improvised weapon if he needed to. “What are you doing?!” They didn’t even say why they were there, just shoving their way inside. It wasn’t just Vemyn either but Gilvoth and Uthol, three of Voryn’s brothers that he knew disliked him the most.

“Why don’t you take a seat?” Vemyn asked, as though he hadn’t forced his way into Nerevar’s apartment.

“Why don’t you tell me what the hell you’re doing shoving your way in here first?!”

Uthol sighed, crossing his arms, acting like Nerevar was the unreasonable one here.

“We heard you went to the doctor.” Gilvoth glared at him, “And that you’re fucking pregnant.”

“Wha..?” How had they found out? He hadn’t even told Voryn yet!

It was then, he remembered that one of Gilvoth’s friends was a doctor at the clinic. Not Nerevar’s doctor personally, but it was possible for him to see in the system that he had an appointment there and why. He just never expected the guy to tell Gilvoth; patient confidentiality and all that. It was illegal, but what was he going to do, sue the guy? He didn’t have concrete proof he was the one who told Gilvoth, nor the time and money to drag out the lengthy legal battle.

“I hope you’re planning on getting an abortion.” Uthol glared at him as well, this one more of a look of disgust than pure rage like Gilvoth did.

“It’s not of your fucking business what I do with the kid!” Nerevar snapped.

“It is our business.” Vemyn said sternly, taking a step toward him. “It’s Voryn’s isn’t it? Unless you want to tell us you’re cheating on Voryn.”

“No I’m not fucking cheating on Voryn!” Nerevar had his teeth bared, his hands shaking from how angry he was.

“Look,” Vemyn continued, “I’m going to be blunt. You are not going to have a child with Voryn.” Nerevar opened his mouth to protest, but Vemyn just kept going, “You can either get an abortion and we’ll let you stay in contact with Voryn, or you can leave right now. You will not ruin my brother’s life because you were fucking irresponsible. You shouldn’t have even gotten him in bed with you in the first place, let alone gotten pregnant.”

The words stung more than Nerevar wanted to admit. He had already beaten himself up over the entire situation, and they were just confirming everything.

“He’s young. He has a promising future. Are you really going to just ruin it with your own selfishness?” Gilvoth asked, venom dripping off of every word. “He’d throw away everything for you and your brat and we’re not going to let that happen.”

It was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him. He started convincing himself that maybe he and Voryn could work this out. That they could figure something out and move forward. Come to a custody agreement if (when) they broke up and they could try and keep it private. Voryn would probably want to stick around at first, support Nerevar and everything, and say he was also to blame.

From the way Gilvoth was talking though it wouldn’t be that simple. If he would throw it all away choosing to acknowledge the child in any capacity, that likely meant Voryn would be disowned. It wasn’t that unreasonable, rich people disowned their kids for less. He didn’t think Voryn’s mother would, but Voryn being stubborn might leave her no choice since she wouldn’t want a bastard from some nobody as her grandson.

Nerevar could do this on his own, but Voryn? Voryn was used to the life he had. And on top of that he had great grades, his pick of universities, and a great job on a silver platter ready and waiting for him. If he walked away from all of that out of a sense of responsibility for the baby and childish puppy love, Nerevar would be ruining his life.

And as the years passed, Voryn would resent him. He would resent him and their child. He would resent the fact he threw away everything good he had and all of his opportunities for a subpar life with a man he no longer loved. He’d see Nerevar and their child as the reasons his life fell apart. Nerevar could take care of a child and give everything else up, but Voryn couldn’t, and Nerevar wouldn’t be able to support him on top of the baby, nor could he handle the fallout.

Nerevar knew he couldn’t subject his child to that. He couldn’t risk it. He would rather Voryn never know than Voryn lose everything and grow to hate their child. Nerevar knew full well what it was like to be resented and blamed, not by his mother but the rest of his family.

“If you care about him, then get rid of the damn thing or leave.” Vemyn urged him.

Nerevar swallowed roughly, before he turned away.

“Voryn said he’d be here in a week.” Nerevar said simply. “Keep him busy so I don’t have to make excuses.” He knew this would kill him to leave so quickly, but it would be for the best, not just for Voryn but also for their child. Only having one parent was better than being resented or hated by one, always feeling like a burden who ruined their life. “I’ll call a moving company.”

He was already on a month-to-month lease since he had been planning to move away to college soon and didn’t want to be apart from Voryn even for the summer. It wouldn’t be hard to just give his landlord notice, pay his last month of rent, and be gone within a few weeks. He also didn’t have many belongings, so it wouldn’t be hard to have it shipped a few states over to his mom’s house.

The dread of telling his mom about his situation set in next. He planned to tell her after Voryn, but it seemed like he should do it now since he’d need a place to go.

“Don’t expect child support.” Uthol said as they all moved toward the door. “I don’t want to hear a damn word about your brat. You’re on your own if you decide to keep it.”

“I already fucking know!” Nerevar snapped. “I don’t want your damn money, so just get out of my apartment!”

After the three left, Nerevar was still standing in his kitchen, staring at the wall. His phone vibrated in his pocket after a few moments, and checking it, it was a text from Voryn. He opened it just to make sure Voryn hadn’t found out yet, but it was just a picture of a meal at a restaurant he went to for lunch with his mother while they were looking at colleges.

“It looks like a nice place to go to college, right?” There were other pictures too that came in while Nerevar was arguing with Voryn’s brothers. Nice buildings on campus, pleasant sidewalks, quaint little cafes.

“It looks great.” Nerevar replied. It would be a good place for Voryn to go to college, a place he could see Voryn enjoying. It wasn’t too far from a branch of the company either, so he’d be able to work there without driving or flying back regularly.

“I think you’d really like it here. There’s lots of things to do. A lot of active people, and a lot of things on campus.” Voryn then also showed him someone that hung a trans pride flag in their window.

“We can also share an apartment if you want.” It was crushing for Nerevar to read this now, like a hole had opened up in his chest. Even if he wasn’t pregnant, Voryn’s family would never allow that. Voryn was delusional if he thought he could convince his mother to allow that on her dime, not when she’d disown him if she knew he had gotten Nerevar pregnant.

He closed the messages, shoving those thoughts aside. He didn’t need to dwell on any of that. He had more important things to focus on and things he had to get done.

Instead he went to his bedroom, sitting on his bed, and called his mom. The seconds that followed as the phone rang felt like minutes, until he finally heard his mom answer.

“You don’t normally call.” His mother said. And it was true; normally they just texted unless it was for birthdays or holidays.

“It’s important.” His voice shook slightly.

“Well go for it.” She waited, as Nerevar took several deep breaths, a hand on his stomach.

“I’m pregnant.”

A few seconds of silent followed, before Nivara spoke. “… Well, at least you’re 18.”

“Mom, I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” She replied. “It could be worse, you could have gotten pregnant in high school. I’m glad it waited until now.” Nerevar rolled his eyes, laying down to curl up in bed instead. At least she wasn’t mad, that was good.

“Is it your boyfriend’s?” She asked.

“… Yes.” He answered. “But I…”

“Do you not want it?”

“I do want it.” He chewed on his lower lip.

“Does he?”

“He can’t know.” Nerevar answered. “His brothers already came by to basically threaten me.”

“They threatened you?!” Nivara’s voice finally rose at that, her anger showing. Nerevar winced.

“Not with violence.” Nerevar said. “I guess intimated is the better word.”

“You’re not doing them any favors.”

“They said if I told him it would ruin his future. He might get disowned and just… Throw it all away.” Nerevar began rambling now, hiccuping slightly. “I don’t want him to resent me or the baby. I wouldn’t be able to stand putting a kid in that kind of situation. I…”

“Shhh… It’s alright.” She did her best to soothe him. She wasn’t a naturally affectionate woman, but Nerevar knew she cared. In its own way that was comforting enough. “No one will make you do anything.” She then sighed. “Honestly, if his brothers are like that, it’s pretty likely he would end up resenting you.”

Nerevar could agree, trying to calm himself down from crying.

“Do you want me to come up there and help?” She offered.

“No, I… I just want to get away from here.” He wanted to be a coward just this once. Run away and hide and not think about it in the future. Besides, his mother taught martial arts and self defense classes. She didn’t really need the money all that much, it was mostly to kill time, but he didn’t want her to lose it just because of him. “Can I stay with you?”

“Of course you can.” She snorted. “That’s the least I can do for you. This house is too damn empty, honestly. Even a screaming baby would be an upgrade just so I don’t go insane.” Nerevar managed to laugh at that, wiping his tears on his pillow.

“Thanks.”