#<- the words of the desperate

[cinnabeat]

not map quizzes maps are my actual weakness

[thenationofzaun]

1x2 : Some Mysteries Are Better Left Unsolved

2x2 : Watch It All Burn

[heybiji]

[justaz]

need arthur repealing the magic ban bc its the Right Thing To Do and merlin is ecstatic bc finally finally he can be himself and tell arthur the truth. he can stop lying and hiding!! and the the ban is repealed and magic is free and theres a feast held in celebration and merlin lugs arthur to his chambers since the king had a bit too much wine and the night is warm and golden and steeped with happiness. merlin lays arthur down in bed and arthur looks up at him with half-lidded eyes, glazed over and warm and filled with love, and he says some sappy shit about merlin being a good friend and how loyal he is.

merlin isnt sure why his words make a stone settle in his stomach but he brushes it off and goes to bed, telling himself that he’ll tell arthur everything in the morning. then morning comes around and merlin sits at the table while arthur is eating breakfast and opens his mouth to tell him when his throat closes up and no words escape him. arthur is confused but merlin distracts him by insulting him and postpones the conversation. he’s been hiding for years, maybe he just needs to take it slow, take baby steps, let his mind and body get used to the idea of being free first.

merlin waits another week and a half before trying again. same result. the words wont come out and he’s choking on this secret he thought he could fess up to now and it takes him so long to realize he’s terrified. he isn’t sure why bc helloooo the ban is lifted!! he won’t be put to death!! what’s the problem?? he had an easier time confessing to sorcery to uther when such a thing was still punishable by death. why is it so hard to tell his best friend the truth when he won’t be punished for it??

answer: telling arthur the truth would mean telling him how merlin has lied for years and how arthur has never truly known the man he calls his friend. arthur will be hurt and angry and he’ll feel betrayed and that is something merlin has seen time and time again and he has fought so hard to prevent yet here he is about to put the same expression on his face. he’s about to break arthur’s heart once more. he can’t do it. he has to. he’ll hurt him. it gets worse the longer merlin takes. arthur will hate him. oh gods arthur will hate him.

[irisbaggins]

In rewatching the season, I'm noticing how clever Aabria and Brennan were in crafting Tula's story. How well thought out everything was.

Specifically, the bear. It's been mentioned so many times before, but with the context of the completed season, I cannot help but be in awe at the skilful storytelling at display here. The way in which the Blue is described to appear wrong only in reference to Tula and her heart, the way in which Tula talks about curiosity and and having experienced knowing someone who died because of it. Of how Aabria describes to Izzy how Tula looks when she heals the bear, of how Aabria specifically points out that Tula recognises the commonalities between herself and the bear. These breadcrumbs that mean little in the beginning, that tell everything at the end. It's amazing, stunning, masterful storytelling. I am in awe.

[girlatrocity]

yr so right fr the tgchk/3rdwheel tsuyu thing...,.... 3rdwheel i think underrated dynamic HEARMEOUT. hear me out.

1ly i love me some drama espcially in my freakships.

2ly it can be very funny. recently read a fic where one girl is like "shes talkingshitaboutme. shes sooooooo talkingshitaboutme" and her friend is like "OoooKay" (psychologically revealing)

like yeah you are acting like a weird obsessive freak. ackshually. and its funny and i wuv it. yr friends dont want you to kiss but iiiiiiiii do

freakship exactlyyy i love togachako being completely abnormal abt each other and Tsuyu being caught in the crossfire

AND IK PPL HATE LOVE TRIANGLES but wouldn't it be so funny if Tsuyu did have a little girlcrush on Ochako at first but eventually she mostly got over it + assumed she's straight, only to find herself getting dragged along for thinly veiled dates between her best friend and the girl that tried to kill them 1000 times isn't that so silly

[goneatlas]

when the amazing devil said "i cannot find the words to keep you" (new york torch song) and "if i'm good will you come back?" (two minutes) and "my entire life, it's running away too fast, watching everyone you ever loved walk past, never really quite getting the knack of knowing no one will ever come back for you" (pruning shears) and "nothing quite prepares you for when they don't come back" (ruin) and "would have stayed if you had asked but instead, you just walked past" (shower day)

but also "if only you could hear my voice but you are screaming far too loud to hear me swear, just because i left doesn't mean that i'm not still there" (welly boots) and "if i don't make it back from where i've gone just know i loved you all along" (inkpot gods)

[somegrumpynerd]

I like the idea that Cross realised Killer was touchstarved (he didn't have the words for it but he noticed how much Killer would settle down from it) and started giving him very small basic affection. Pat on the back, hand on the shoulder, maybe a quick friendly hug, all things he probably learned through royal guard training and thinks of as normal friend/coworker stuff.

But as they both got more comfortable in the routine of it, Killer started instigating touches and he was not shy about it (like not just leaning into Cross's side during movie night, he looks like he's trying to get into Cross's jacket with him)

And that this more intense affection made Cross realise he might also be just a little bit touchstarved

Bonus:

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

Today, U.S. Air Force serviceman, Aaron Bushnell, 25, set himself on fire in front of the Israeli embassy in Washington:

"I will no longer be complicit in genocide.”

His last words were “Free Palestine”.

[wasteland-wrecker]

CW: violence, death. Fallout New Vegas spoilers.

Grudge.

[yayll]

~ a little something about Beast Dazai and his inability to let you go ~

Your hand trembles as you're about to knock on the massive office doors and you wonder if you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

You got too close working for this terribly lonely man, and now you're knocking at his door with the only solution you can think of to put an end to your silly infatuations that have gone on for longer than you'd want to admit and can possibly handle. You open the door slowly, and walk into the elegant and massive office space, your eyes falling right onto the dark haired man in all black hunched over the desk, scribbling away as if he didn't hear you come in. You walk quietly, and when you reach the wooden desk, your voice comes out soft and firm.

"Dazai, sir? I wanted to speak to you about something sensitive, if I may."

You chew on the corner of your bottom lip, but quickly compose yourself when you see the face of the man you've spent so much time with, the unfortunate love of your life. if it weren't for his Maroon scarf, he'd look like nothing but a black void. A burnt Black cat. He looks up, narrowed eyes scan you as he takes a sip of his tea, replying in a monotonous tone.

"What is it?"

"After much consideration, I think.. I need to leave the Port Mafia. We've worked together for quite a while now, and I can assure you it's not about the quality or enjoyment of my work. You don't even have to acknowledge this beyond me simply saying it, I just have to confess something that makes my heart ache. You make my heart ache. I know how unprofessional that sounds and that you have no use for such affections, but I can't keep pretending. It's why I think it's time for me to move onto something else otherwise my work will become disrupt-"

A lifted finger is shoved into your face, signaling you to stop, and so you do. Of course you do. You always had a habit of word vomiting when you were anxious. Dazai is staring down at his tea, and he stays quiet for a long time, trying to pick what emotion he can mask his real outraged ones with. Finally, he flashes you an unbothered look, his eyes half lidded as they taunt you. A cruel smirk curls onto his lips.

"Oh? What an awful time for your honesty! I'm currently drowning in work and responsibilities, ones that you're supposed to aid me with, actually. Thus, I have no use for your confession." He simply says.

You can feel a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You expected this. Looking down at your shoes, you chew on your lip again.

"I had to tell you.. Like I said, you can just forget about it."

"Well you see, that's the problem. I can't forget it. The moment you uttered those nasty little words to me, I realized I have to carry the weight of finding a new secretary. And I resent that."

He looks away for a brief second, his words are bitter and laced with what sounds like remorse and irritation.

You cross your arms and sigh, your voice comes out lower than your confidence.

"I just thought that we were... I suppose I should have never dared to assume you'd ever see me as more than a-"

He instantly leans over his desk, now placing a finger on your lip, his voice just above a whisper.

"... And though these feelings you have for me may be inconvenient, it doesn't mean that they're unwelcome."

He lets his finger rest on your lips for just a second too long, meanwhile you're frozen in place feeling like your chest is going to collapse in on itself. His voice becomes softer.

"Sit, please."

You sit down, now facing each other. It's quiet for a few moments as you both study each other's expressions. This form of intimacy was unusual to everyone else but the two of you, having spent countless hours in the past working across one another without uttering a single word, yet communicating in perfect sync. You were a part of each other's routines, a never ending spiral. Dazai feels himself teetering on the edge of something dangerous, something peeling away at his very soul. He's usually so arrogant and domineering, but in this instant, he suddenly feels an exhaustion wash over him trying to keep that going. He's kept it going for so long, he forgot that he doesn't like doing it with you. You don't deserve to be a part of all of this, and he doesn't deserve to want you.

Oh how he loathes his true identity: A simple man. A human man. Your man.

When he can't take it anymore, he slowly creeps his bandaged hand on top of yours, applying light pressure, but his eyes don't dare look into yours. Not yet. Finally, you break the silence, staring down with furrowed brows at the way your hands fit around one another. You mutter under your breath, tired of being vague.

"What are we to each other, Dazai? I mean really?"

"Do I really need to spell it out for you?" He snorts, trying to cling to the last of his cruelty but failing as he lets his emotions sway his judgement.

You sigh, flipping your hand over so that your fingers can fully intertwine.

"I just don't know how I could ever take up any space in your mind. I didn't think you noticed whether I stayed or left."

He looks up, flashing you a mildly offended look, his sharp eyes narrowing. He scoffs quietly, dropping your hand and standing up from his desk. He walks over to you, his full height now looming. He bends down and scolds you.

"What an obscene thing to say. You're invaluable. You have always been occupying my mind, every minute, every second, every microsecond. I always notice. I'd notice even if I was on my deathbed."

Your breath catches in your throat, and you finally manage to swallow the lump that's building up as you stare up at your reckoning.

"I just- I'd never try to leash you, sir."

His eyes soften, and he tilts his head slightly. You drive him mad with the way you don't realize what a dog he is for you. His voice comes out strained.

"You wouldn't need to. And don't call me that. You know my name, and as your superior l'm ordering you to address me properly."

Your cheeks flush, and you part your lips, letting out the breath you can't stop holding. A faint smile appears on your face, and you stand up slowly to meet him.

"You're like the moon, you know? You control everything like the tides. You control me, Osamu."

He shakes his head, and sighs deeply. If only you could see how wrong you were. He steps closer, moving his hand up your arm gently as he trails his way to your collarbone with ghost-like strokes.

"Did you know that sometimes when I'm laying in bed, all alone after a long day of controlling things, my only thoughts are about you?"

He confesses, sincerely. Dazai brings his face inches from yours, his voice now becoming a pleading whisper. His hand travels down to your waist, gripping it gently.

"Do you find it hard to believe that you bring me to my knees, the big scary Port Mafia boss? Because if so, you're a great fool! I love spending my time with you. I quite literally need you by my side in my times of need and at any random and mundane moment that passes. It brings me unimaginable joy when you nag me to get more sleep, especially when I don't listen because I can't wait to hear you say it over and over again. I don't like it when you have plans, or when you report to anyone else but me. I want you to stay with me tonight and every single night after and I don't care how awful this sounds. I don't care about you having a life outside of me."

Your throat feels tight, eyes wide at the fervor of his words alone. You reply with a shaky breath.

"Every single night after?"

"Every. Single. Night. After..."

"As if we were together?"

"We are together." He declares as if it were obvious this entire time.

Hearing Dazai be so blunt makes your mind fog over quickly, a whiplash of feelings that you never thought would ever see the light of day suddenly surface. He feels the same, realizing how much he's given away to you in such a short amount of time, but for him it's been rotting inside for years. He's been held together by the glue of your support too long not to kneel for you now. It's over for him, he's run out of masks to wear. He slowly guides your body backwards towards the opulent leather couch at the center of the room. You stop when you feel yourself backing up into the cool pebbled hide, and he slowly lowers you down onto your back with his arms supporting you. He delicately hovers over you, looking deeply into your eyes as he takes in the way your bodies feel against each other. For a moment he worries he might actually be trembling.

His breath hitches when you place a hand on the bandaged side of his face that covers his left eye. You stroke the fabric lightly, eyes twinkling with unfiltered adoration. He thinks about the only other person who's ever looked at him with such reverence, and how painful it is not to be able to tell his best friend he's in love. He leans into your touch, humming softly and closing his eyes as he molds his lips deeply into yours. It's not a kiss of sexual desire. This is a kiss born of romance and intimacy, a mutual oath of surrender. cold bandaged hands instinctively wander your body, starting at the waist down to your hips, and slowly exploring the plush of your thighs, kneading them. He runs them higher, lightly tracing your ribs with his index finger while the other hand cups your face. Dazai's mouth moves gently, and slowly pulls away from yours with a soft whine. His fingers trace your jawline as he stares at you. You taste like milk and honey. Like the moon and rain. He smiles at you, eyes sparkling like the night sky. You feel his heartbeat against your body. Every single pore of your skin is connected.

"Please— don't leave the Port Mafia, and don't leave me alone... Not tonight. Not ever. I'd become a tyrant without you."

"Is that also an order?" You murmur in between shallow breaths, dreamy eyes trained on him.

His eyes flicker over to your lips for a moment, then return to your eyes. His voice drops to something that resembles a soft whimper.

"Noo. No, it's not. I could never demand anything from you. But if you'll allow me to act selfishly, I just want to make you happy, to see you smile. I want you to keep greeting me with that tea you make every morning before our meetings. I also never want to hear you call me 'Sir' again. I am not your boss or your friend... I'm so much more than that. We've always been together. We will always be together— Is this too much?"

You shake your head, smiling uncontrollably at the way Dazai rambles in this moment, it's a side of him you've never seen in all the years you've known him. A stark contrast from the detached and cruel presence that frightens others on an almost daily basis. This seems like a person pretending to be the boss of the Port Mafia, an almost perfect imitation. You're not sure what barriers within him had to break for him to become the mushy and needy mess you see before you and what it all means in the long run, but you dismiss it for now. You get the feeling this might be the real Osamu Dazai. And that excites you.

"Never too much. I'm here and I'm staying. I would always stay."

He chuckles, it's a broken shaky laugh bordering on a sob. He buries himself in your neck, smiling against your soft skin, nibbling on it. He lightly runs his tongue against the mark he leaves, and slowly lifts his gaze to meet yours

"... I know you would. You always do."

You tilt your head, and hum in mild confusion at his odd little comment.

"Do you know something I don't?"

He flashes you a knowing smile and speaks prophetically as he lightly traces a finger over a large vein on your neck, following it down to your soft chest. He murmurs lazily while bringing his lips down to where he won't be able to get them off for the rest of the night.

"I know everything, silly.~"

The Port Mafia can wait, he's going home first.

[atalkingrat]

Ok, does ANYONE else think this might have been our handhold scene?

[m1rotics]

A lil mommy seonghwa fic because I need him more than air right now

It's around eleven when you make it home, you were supposed to get off at seven, but you got piled up and with extra tasks forcing you to work overtime, and traffic was bad on the way home. You can feel your bones get weighed down as you step through the door. The entirety of your body feels so incredibly heavy, you yawn, stretching your back. You slip out of your shoes, tucking them neatly in the corner. You hang up your keys and shuffle to the living room.

Seonghwa's strung across the couch, reading a book, and you collapse into his arms as fast as you can. Melting into him with a satisfied hum, soaking in the sweet scent of his cologne. He lets out a surprised noise, but he quickly relaxes, placing a hand on your back.

"hi, baby," he croons. The sound of his heart beating and the gentle rocking of his breathing lulling you to sleep. You drift between a limbo of consciousness and the sweet relief of sleep. You could pass out right here if he'd let you.

you mumble, "s been such a long day, mommy."

He rubs soothing circles onto your back, "I know, baby. You've been working so hard. You just want your mommy to take care of you?"

You mutter something incomprehensible, but seonghwa doesn't make you repeat it, he knows you do. He understands without you saying anything at all.

"poor thing, have you eaten?"

You shake your head, looking up at him with tired eyes and a pout, "skipped lunch.”

He tuts, "well, that won't do. C'mon let's go get some food in your stomach."

You open your mouth to protest, to tell him you don't need to eat, you just need him. But he hushes you with a kiss, and then he's ushering you off the couch and into the kitchen. You settle into a chair while he begins to whip something up for you. Usually, you'd spark up conversation and ask him about his day, but you can't bring yourself to speak. The two of you sit in comfortable silence.

He comes back with a bowl of noodles, setting it down in front of you and lowering himself into the chair next to you. And for a moment, simply looking at it makes you feel sick, and you hesitate to even touch your food. Seonghwa, however, doesn't bat an eye, taking matters into his own hands. He lifts the noodles to your mouth, and waits for you to take it. It turns into a routine after that: blow on it, then lift it to your mouth, and then he wipes your face when some broth gets on your chin.

He comes back with a bowl of noodles, setting it down in front of you and lowering himself into the chair next to you. And for a moment, simply looking at it makes you feel sick, and you hesitate to even touch your food. Seonghwa, however, doesn't bat an eye, taking matters into his own hands. He lifts the noodles to your mouth, and waits for you to take it. It turns into a routine after that: blow on it, then lift it to your mouth, and then he wipes your face when some broth gets on your chin.

If you weren't so exhausted, you'd feel childish. embarrassed even, and, to be honest, a piece of you does feel bad. Ashamed of the fact you can barely take care of yourself like a normal person, of the fact you need someone to do it for you.

But seonghwa's cooing at you the whole time, a pleased little smile on his face when you take each bite he offers, looking at you with such warmth. You try to remind yourself he wants to do this for you, but you can't help the way the doubts swallow you up like wildfire.

"Are you sick of doing this?" You manage to whisper as he prepares to feed you the last bite. He just looks at you, incredulous. "it's fine if you are, I won't be mad. Not at all actually. I...I could leave you alone. If you don't want me to burden you with my problems.”

Then he frowns, eyebrows knitting together, before sighing. He holds the noodles to your mouth, and you tentatively take it, chewing slowly.

"I'm not sick of doing this for you," he says, and it's painfully soft. "I enjoy taking care of you, I hope you know that. It's not a burden if I enjoy doing this for you, you understand that, right?”

You nod, slowly like you're unsure, like you're contemplating if he's telling the truth.

"I enjoy this just as much as you do, and you may not believe me, but I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't." He says this as he washes the bowl out, and you can't help but find the words slightly comforting.

You're not forcing him to do this for you. It isn't an obligation, nor an expectation. He simply does it because he can, because he wants to. That fact is jarring, hard to wrap your mind around.

You get knocked out of your thoughts when his hands rest on your shoulders, "now lets get you ready for bed, baby.”

It's easier to follow his lead after that. Let your mind get fuzzy at the edges while you take a backseat, and you fall right into the safe hold of his satiny, smooth voice. You trail him into the bedroom.

"go take a shower, I'll have your clothes ready when you come out."

You let out an affirmative noise, already heading straight to the bathroom. Once the hot water runs over your skin, you ascend. It soothes the ache hiding deep in your bones, and you catch yourself swaying. You hop out of the shower, wrap a towel around yourself, and drag yourself to the bedroom. Seonghwa glances up at you, "come here, stand in front of me."

You obey, coming to stand within arms reach of him. He picks up a pair of baby pink underwear, and you are now very aware of what he wants. He holds them in front of you and you step into them, pulling them up your legs; naturally, he does the same with the shorts he picked out.

He stands up, and you lift your arms. He slides the shirt over your head.

It's a cute sleep set, black and light pink. A little pocket on the breast. He takes a step back to admire the way it looks on you.

"you're so pretty, baby," he croons, and rubs his hands up and down your arms. Feather-light touches that make goosebumps rise on your skin.

"thank you."

His eyes meet yours, and he raises a brow.

"thank you, mommy," you're quick to fix your mistake.

He smiles, and it's so pretty your heart almost stops.

"Sit on the bed, I'll be right back."

You perch yourself on the edge, staring at your knees. Surprisingly, you're not thinking much of anything right now. Perhaps that's a blessing, a silent gift from seonghwa. You don't know how he manages to quiet your thoughts better than you do. You pray he never stops. You don't think you'd make it without him.

He comes back with lotion, and all too gracefully sinks to his knees. He squeezes some into his hand. He places your foot on his thigh, and rubs the lotion in. His touch is firm but gentle, massaging it into your skin. He takes your foot in his hands and kneads the lotion into your soles. More tension slipping out of you as the second fly by. The room smells like flowers, roses specifically. Fresh and bright.

When he's done, he kisses the top of your foot and moves onto the other leg. His lips are plump and soft against your skin. He repeats the process on the other leg, adding a kiss to both of your knees. He sits on the bed to do your arms. He finishes up with a kiss to both wrists, lingering a beat. He takes your hand, and simply holds it for a minute, staring at them with a dreamy look. He presses a kiss to the tips of your fingers. Delicate, barely there.

"I love you," he says, and you cup his cheek with your hand. He turns his head to press a kiss to your palm. Leaning forward, you plant a kiss on his lips, "I love you too."

"Let's lay down," he says, and with that all your exhaustion floods your mind again. you wiggle further into bed, rolling onto your side. Seonghwa crawls behind you. The two of you fit together like puzzle pieces, and he slings an arm over your waist, holding you close.

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]

I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.

Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.

Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.

I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.

On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.

These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.

[tinyleaks]

hey friends, wanted to put some words out in the universe that sometimes i need to hear myself

you aren’t gross for liking something that most people consider “gross” or “weird”. it is okay to enjoy things that other people don’t understand, even things people reflexively make fun of. as long as you are being as hygenic as possible, cleaning up after yourself and not doing anything to risk your health, making sure to take breaks from it and stay hydrated between holds, and making sure to never include non-consenting parties in your kinky shenanigans – you’re fine.

if you’ve had to hide your interests from partners out of fear, awkwardly deflect conversations with friends, or heard people you look up to make off-handed remarks – you’re not alone.

no one fully 100% understands where kinks come from, but what we do know is we don’t choose which ones we get, and as long as all parties involved are consenting, happy and healthy: you aren’t doing anything wrong.

please don’t hate yourself over the things you love. be kind to yourself, even when other people aren’t. yes I’m getting sappy on my pee blog, because being “weird” can be really hard on the old mental health at times and i hope all of y’all don’t think any less of yourselves because of this stuff. peace out 💛

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

My sister made a good point, she said, "Why does Fiddleford have to be a vampire? What if he was a ghost that haunted Stan instead?" And honestly that's a really good idea! Fidds is gonna stay a vampire in my au, but here's a small taste of ghost Fidds (I was being lazy :P)

Oh and here's a drawing of Fidds I got my sister to draw 🙏 as you can see, artistic talent runs in the family 🙂‍↕️