#<- tame impala might not fall under this but i was also listening to this genre while drawing this. ok.

[markrus]

Please, no more playing with my heart

[aestheticpearl]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

✧·˚feat: kayson mayer, jonah, xanthus claiborne, andrew marston, issac rhoades, elias, zaros athat'lin, luca pearce, rowan

✧·˚summary: this is basically just my headcanons of what kind of music each character listens to and their favorite albums since saku only really listens to soundtracks and can’t really tell what they would like (that is a joke btw i know you also listen to some kpop)

✧·˚a/n: music is a very important thing to me so i hope i did everyone justice and feel free to add your opinions as well!

kayson mayer ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

you never walk alone - bts . fine line - harry styles . hard to imagine the neighborhood ever changing - the neighborhood

okay hear me out, i definitely think kayson would be a kpop fan, not like a kpop stan more of a “i enjoy their music” more than anything. i feel like kayson isn’t huge on music but he love the slower stuff when he’s not at practice or trying to get pumped up for volleyball. he seems to have more of a moody taste in music in contrast to his more up beat personality, but i mean we all gotta cry over something.

jonah ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

HIT ME HARD AND SOFT - billie eilish . currents - tame impala . brat - charli xcx

this bitch definitely loves billie eilish. only man i know that definitely cries to ‘what was i made for?’ besides kayson maybe. he fucks heavy with tame impala, but not in the master manipulator why that other man fuck with it. he loves having them on in the background of streams mostly. hyper pop king, loves charli xcx and he is having a brat summer. he is definitely on tiktok so much and is very much influenced by what’s trending on the app.

xanthus claiborne ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT - taylor swift . firebird suite - igor stravinsky . preacher’s daughter - ethel cain

LISTEN OKAY xanthus is the kind to never admit that he would listen to taylor swift but god damn it he loves her new album and her slower stuff she is his guilty pleasure artist for sure. okay he loves classical music but like classical music don’t really have ‘albums’ per say so i chose his favorite piece. firebird suite is something that he has adored the story that is told through the music, same with ethel cain’s preachers daughter. he loves how the music is telling a story more than anything.

andrew marston ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

something to give each other - troye sivan . being funny in a foreign language - the 1975 . harry styles - harry styles

do you feel the rush andrew? sorry. i think honestly he has always loved troye sivan, might be the repressed gay in him but who knows. a full really fond of being funny in a foreign language, loves how raw the whole album is and enjoys the slower ballads. loves the debut album of harry styles, it’s just so soft and sweet he really likes listening to it.

issac rhoades ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

cry - cigarettes after sex . laurel hell - mitski . did you know that there’s a tunnel under ocean blvd - lana del ray

bro is depressed. like i don’t know what you were expecting with him. he knows that most of the songs on the cry album are very sad but some are very sweet and he like the mix of the two. mommy issues up the wazoo so of course he listens to mitski. lana del ray is new and a bit more positive of a listen, it’s almost like someone special came into his life and change the outlook of it a bit.

elias ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

who really cares - tv girl . star boy - the weeknd . positions - ariana grande

something about this tv girl album just screams elias to me and i think he would really enjoy this album the most out of the others. of course he loves the weeknd just look at him, he is a starboy and a party monster on the weekends. this bitch loves ariana grande’s positions album so much he created a stan twitter just to defend it against the haters.

zaros athat'lin ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

the rise and fall of a midwest princess - chappell roan . MEGAN - megan thee stallion . GUTS (spilled) - olivia rodrigo

was it casual when you fought my claim? he loves chappell roan and will definitely tell you he listened to her before she blew up which in his defense he did but he doesn’t need to keep telling people that. loves megan thee stallion her new album is what he listens too before he insults the fuck outta earis. loves the range of emotions he feels when listening to olivia rodrigo, i’m convinced he’s just a teenage girl.

luca pearce ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

songs - adrianne lenker . teenage dream - katy perry . MAP OF THE SOUL : PERSONA - bts

soft baby child loves soft songs that can put his ass to sleep in less than fifteen minutes. katy perry is his favorite, teenage dream got him through college and continues to make him romanticize the crap out of his relationship, as he should! he loves kpop, i just feel it in my bones that he loves persona and how happy the album is.

rowan ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄

favorite albums:

louder than bombs - the smiths . AM - arctic monkeys . the game - queen

he loves music that you could find in an old vinyl record store and these albums capture his taste perfectly in my opinion. a bit of indie here and alt rock there and you’ve got a rowan playlist that he will put on anytime he drives you anywhere.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

this is where i would put my glittery divider but i can’t add anymore photos lmao

.love always <3 pearl

.masterlist

[tenabrye]

Could I possibly get some headcanons for what type of music Vash, Nick, and Knives would listen to in a modern au?

If not thats totally fine! Thank you so much!

I hope I wrote this well since a lot of bands and artists can fall under a variety of genres.

Vash

Psychedelic rock is a genre he's not afraid to admit liking and listening to. MGMT, Tame Impala, Pink Floyd, etc. He typically likes to hum along and even sway his body to the beat, oftentimes just flat out dancing to the rhythm if it's a song or band that he can get really get into.

Alternative/Indie rock is another good genre for him. His top five might include Arctic Monkeys, Florence + The Machine, Two Door Cinema Club, Chase Atlantic, and possibly Teflon Sega. Not only do a lot of the ones he listens to sound amazing, but some songs just feel good after a stressful day.

Alternative/Indie pop, but he's picky about this genre. Lana Del Rey, Twenty One Pilots, and Blink-182 are just a few that he'll listen to. He's open for recommendations with this genre, though.

Synthwave is his JAM. It's his go-to genre for literally doing any sort of chore around the house. Kavinsky, Trevor Something, Mr. Kitty, and Wayfloe. He may also listen to such songs when trying to sleep, as they have an easy way of relaxing him.

Anything classical, but that's really only because his brother likes it. He's not really picky with any pieces belonging to this genre, but he does tend to listen to the softer, less intense ones. Sometimes he'll play a piece, whether it be on his own piano or from an app on his phone, and just think about Knives and how he's doing at the moment.

Knives

He's very into the classical genre, so anything from Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, and Puccini can and will be heard in his home. He'd much rather play the pieces himself than to use an app to listen to them, however, he'll elect to use the app if he doesn't have any intentions to play them himself.

Classic pop, which he's honestly very picky about. He leans more towards artists that are similar to Frank Sinatra, and of course he listens to Michael Bublé.

Synthwave, but only because Vash had it playing when he visited. He didn't care much for the genre, at first, but it grew on him. Only listens to Kavinsky and Wayfloe, though. Might seem stubborn to broaden this genre, but he's just picky.

Alternative/indie. Only listens to Florence + The Machine, Lana Del Rey, and Fleurie. Such powerful and captivating voices will always grace his ears for as long as he lives. Not that anyone would know he listens to them.

Industrial metal, but no one will ever know. His favorites from the genre are Rammstein, Oomph!, Celldweller, and Nine Inch Nails. He once heard Vash play an Oomph song and got scared, thinking his brother knew about it.

Wolfwood

Alternative just oozes out of this man. Bands/artists such as Muse, Sub Urban, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, ThxSoMch, etcetera, are what he will be listening to. Will even sing along to the song if he's feeling it, and that happens a lot.

Not opposed to rock or heavy metal. Metallica, Slipknot, Korn, Tool, even Ghost are bands he'll listen to. He likes the volume loud a lot, however, he'll make exceptions for when people visit him.

Rap rock bands such as Hollywood Undead, Linkin Park, and Limp Bizkit are also thrown into the mix. Listens to it during chores because he says it "energizes" him. Will most definitely sing along to every song.

Electropop, yeah, he likes it. Anything similar to Graveyardguy, Slayyyter, Night Club, and Ayesha Erotica he likes. Vash doesn't like riding in the car with him ever since he played Emo Boy with a smirk. Kidding, since the blond suggests similar songs for car rides now.

Metalcore, but he only ever listens to this genre when he's in a certain mood. Usually a bad one, but he thinks listening to bands like Bring Me the Horizon, Bullet for My Valentine, All That Remains, and Of Mice & Men will cancel out his bad moods. It's become a tell of his that lets everyone know how he's feeling without saying.

[adultalternative]

2021 best of. At least I beat my time last year and actually wrote?

Starcrossed- More of an All for You divorce album than a Butterfly, in a 'it stinks, but whatever. Now do you want the wedding china that I'm unloading?' kind of way. I didn't like it at first because of the tracklist making the songs feel too samey (Also, even this long into the new music model, I'm not used to songs being under 3 minutes). The movie and listening to the songs out of order helped a lot. The best songs are justified, simple times, and camera roll. An interesting example of the Glass Animals/Tame Impala sound.

If I can't have love, I want power- Halsey's first impressive album, to me. Really glad this body of work came out. Best songs are you asked for this, Girl with a gun, and One Eye closed.

Lately I feel Everything- Another fun project, another great side to Willow. I like the different types of alternative rock on it. Listen to Naive, Extra, and Gaslighter, as well as F**k You.

3:33- Did I lose interest in Tinashe now that she’s independent and there’s less of a bad guy or goal for her music career? Yes. Is this album still good? Yes. My favorite songs are Shy Guy and Pasadena.

No gods No Masters- Yes, I would say that their last three albums have been their most similar to each other (See all the Record Store Day songs included in the bonus disc) as songs that would play in a Deadly Class type of genre show about young adults, but that says more about alternative rock nowadays than Garbage. That said, I still enjoy the industrial vibes on this one. I like The Creeps, Anonymous XXX, and This City Will Kill You. It was interesting hearing the Eurythmics influence in songs like The Men Who Rule the World.

Texis- Hyperpop gone rock. Locust Laced is that song. I'm Not down’ is startlingly on point for this point in the pandemic, and Sweet75 is a great opener.

Play with the Changes- Rochelle Jordan is the closest that I liked to dance pop this year. A great combination of UK garage and alternative R&B.

New Long Leg- I guess this is usually when my list is what I’m in the mood for and I’m in the mood for post-punk. Scratchcard lanyard is cool, and if you haven’t yet, watch the music video! I don’t understand what Her Hippo is about but it makes me sad. I like the drums in More Big Birds.

Soberish- Casualties of my schedule change. Not as familiar as I could be. Spanish Doors is both sad and relatable. If you like Liz Phair’s character studies of men like Soap Star Joe and Uncle Alvarez, listen to Hey Lou. Meanwhile, In there is very new and trip hoppy for Liz. These songs are more like her EPs Juvenilia and comeandgetit, and whitechocolatespaceegg outtakes instead of, say, her Girly Sound songs.

Who am I?- Precursor for the Avril Lavigne album this year. It might just be 2000’s pop rock, but if the formula isn’t broken, don’t fix it. Listen to You Don’t Own Me and Fall to Pieces.

Unlimited Ammo- Fun hyperpop, that has both songs that are ethereal and wintry, like Steel, and great bangers like Finish Him.

Pinkpantheress- I enjoy the drum and bass sounds as well as the wistful 19.

Pink Noise- A different kind of going pop. It’s like if the group We Are King made more music. Very lush. I like Magical, Got Me, and Church Girl.

Screen violence- A great combination of alternative rock and synthpop. Lauren’s voice has a lot of urgency. I like Nightmares, How Not to Drown, and He Said She Said.

Pearl Charles- Good country and soft rock combination. Listen to Only for Tonight for disco, and Impostor and Slipping Away for soft rock.

Flux- Countlessth year-of best for me, but I have finally decided to let go of my various reservations and just enjoy. I like Lessen the Damage, On the Level, and As Strange as it Seems. For alternative rock music what Light Years is to disco.

Homegrown- I love the saxophone sample in Slow Down. I like Dysfunctional and Come Over. Good combination of contemporary and alternative R&B.

Death of a Cheerleader- Lux is THAT song. Kind of cheating because I like Popular, a cover of the Nada Surf song released January 2022, more than the album. Sort of how TIME has people on influential lists for potential influence in the future.

Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 3- See Poppy’s review for umpteeneth great project. I like So Cold, Syrup, and Cashmere.

Non-fiction- great post punk. I like Violent & Paranoid.

[sunflowerhae]

music sceneries I’ll never write

♡~•Rules•~♡

➮ Send an ask with the song title, and member! I put the member that I envisioned when I listened to the long, however if you want someone else (from NCT OT21) then you can just request it with them!

➮ ONLY REQUEST A SONG FROM THIS PLAYLIST! I thought that was obvious, but ig not! My bad 😔😔 this isn’t a “submit a song of choice” this is choose a song down below, and get the story I wrote abt it. Hope that makes sense idk

➮ please be aware that I might not get back to you immediately - however if you aren’t on anon, or tell me whatever blog you want me to tag (i understand - this is a side blog), then I’ll tag you in the post!

➮ Please do NOT request two songs together - one suggested per ask! You can ask for two songs at the same time, but they’ll be separate!

➮ also note that the genres in the song descriptions WILL be in the story, but if you really want a certain genre, just say it and I’ll make it both (ex/ if a story is listed as angst, but you want fluff, I’ll make it angst AND fluff)

➮ finally, these aren’t full length stories. They’re experts from the songs listed that I wanted to make full length stories for, but there’s so much that I know I wouldn’t be able to. Once I post the first one, you’ll get the format more 😊 anyway what I’m saying is don’t expect a 10k long fic!

★ - personal favorites. It also means I would hopefully like to keep the same member suggested - but you don’t need to!😊

♫ Somebody else

“I'm looking through you, while you're looking through your phone, and then leaving with somebody else”

Artist: The 1975

Genre: Angst

Suggested Member: Haechan

♫ my eyes adored you

“My eyes adored you - though I never laid a hand on you, my eyes adored you.”

Artist: Frankie Valli

Genre: Fluff

Suggested Member: Jisung

♫ she plays bass

“This chick, who plays bass. She plays bass, she plays bass. Nothing matters cause we’re both in space.”

Artist: beabadoobee

Genre: fluff, crack

Suggested Member: Jaehyun

♫ Life on Mars?

“-Wonder if he’ll ever know: he’s in the freakiest show. Is there Life on Mars?”

Artist: David Bowie

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Suggested Member: Jaemin

♫ We’re gonna be friends ★

“Climb the fence, books and pens - I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we’re gonna be friends.”

Artist: The White Stripes

Genre: fluff

Suggested Member: Chenle

♫ Fine China

“I'm going down, now with all of my Fine china and fresh linen All of my dresses with them tags still on them”

Artist: Lana Del Rey

Genre: angst

Suggested Members: Jaemin or Jeno

♫ butterflies

“Now I remember what it feels like to fly - You give me butterflies”

Artist: Kacey Musgraves

Genre: Fluff, slight angst

Suggested Member: Jeno

♫ yes to heaven

“Say yes to heaven, say yes to me.”

Artist: Lana Del Rey

Genre: Fluff, angst

Suggested Members: Jaemin, Haechan

♫ teenage fantasy ★

“We all want a teenage fantasy; want it when we can’t have it, when we got it we don’t seem to want it.”

Artist: Jorja Smith

Genre: angst, slight fluff, maybe smut

Suggested Member: Haechan

♫ with love, Vincent ★

Artist: Murray Gold, BBC National Orchestra of Wales

Genre: Fluff

Suggested Member: Jaemin

♫ anyone who knows what love is

“The world may think I’m foolish - they don’t see you like I can. Oh, but anyone who knows what love is will understand.”

Artist: Irma Thomas

Genre: Angst, slight fluff

Suggested Member: Haechan

♫ you were mine ★

“Sometimes I wake up crying at night, and sometimes I scream out your name. What right does she have to take you away, when for so long you were mine.”

Artist: The Chicks

Genre: Angst

Suggested Members: Taeyong, Mark

♫ make me your queen

“And I don’t mean shit, I know you’ve made that clear - cause I mean nothing to you, dear. So make me your queen.”

Artist: Declan McKenna

Genre: angst

Suggested Members: Renjun, Doyoung, Jaemin

♫ across the universe

“Words are flowing out, like endless rain into a paper cup - they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe”

Artist: The Beatles

Genre: Fluff

Suggested Member: Jaemin

♫ Been it ★

“I’ve been your mother, I’ve been your father; who could ask me for me? I’ve been your sister, I’ve been your mistress - baby I was your whore.”

Artist: The Cardigans

Genre: Angst?, kinda of a breakup revenge story

Suggested Member: Haechan

♫ Back to December

“So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night - and I go back to December all the time.”

Artist: Taylor Swift

Genre: Angst

Suggested Member: Renjun

♫ The story of us

“And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.”

Artist: Taylor Swift

Genre: angst, fluff

Suggested Member: Mark

♫ Would that I

“With the roar of the fire my heart rose to its feet, like the ashes of ash I saw rise in the heat, settle soft and as pure as snow - I fell in love with the fire long ago”

Artist: Hozier

Genre: fluff

Suggested Member: Jaemin

♫ Satisfied

“He will never be satisfied, I will never be Satisfied.”

Artist: Renée Elise Goldsberry, Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton

Genre: Angst

Suggested Members: Kun, WinWin, Lucas (idk why I get huge wayv vibes)

♫ Terrance loves you

“But I lost myself, when I lost you.”

Artist: Lana Del Rey

Genre: Angst

Suggested Member: Yuta

♫ Honeymoon avenue

“I’m under pressure cause I can’t have you the way that I want, let’s just go back to the way it was - when we were on Honeymoon Avenue.”

Artist: Ariana Grande

Genre: Angst

Suggested Member: Renjun

♫ I don’t love you anymore

“I ain’t tryin to keep up, because, I don’t love you anymore.”

Artist: Tyler the Creator

Genre: Angst

♫ Soft universe

“Speak to me, speak to me, with love in your eyes.”

Artist: AURORA

Genre: Fluff

Suggested Members: Renjun, Taeil

♫ Traveling Soldier ★

“I cried, never gonna hold the hand of another guy. Too young for him, they told her - waiting for the love of a traveling soldier.”

Artist: The Chicks

Genre: Sligt fluff, Angst

Suggested member: Jeno

♫ Bang Bang - my baby shot me down ★

“bang bang - he shot me down. bang bang - I hit the ground. bang bang - that awful sound. bang bang - my baby shot me down.”

Artist: Nancy Sinatra

Genre: Angst, old movie style (you’ll see)

Member: Jaemin

♫ Past Life

“My lover, from a past life.”

Artist: Tame Impala

Genre: Angst, fluff, slice of life

suggested members: Jaemin, Jeno, Doyoung

♫ I’m apart of that

“I’m apart of that...aren’t I?”

Artist: Anna Kendrick

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Suggested Members: mark, taeyong

♫ Bombs on Monday Morning ★

“Bombs are falling on Monday Morning - waiting for the news together”

Artist: Melanie Martinez

Genre: angst

Member: Jaemin

♫ Daddy issues ★

“Go ahead and cry, little girl. Nobody does it like you do. I know how much it matters to you - I know that you got Daddy Issues.”

Artist: The Neighbourhood

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Member: Jeno (I’m not budging on this)

• Listen to all the music here! ⤦ ⤦

•Bombs on Monday Morning🏔 (not on Spotify) ⤦

• 👼🏻Yes to heaven👼🏻 (not on Spotify) ⤦

[laurelleghuleh]

OCAF | Ch. 16 "Right-hand man"

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: read the masterlist first, additional notes at the end of the chapter

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Two troublesome adults trying to figure out how to properly communicate and work together. A lot of talking. Long chapter. Suggestion for a drink game: take a shot every time Levi tells Daphne to go back to sleep lol

𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬: “Feels Like We Only Go Backwards” by Tame Impala, “Beautiful Crime” by Tamer, “I Love You, But I Need Another Year” by Liza Anne.

LEVI’S POV

“Where? If I’m allowed to ask, Captain.”

“The Underground.”

Daphne's eyes aimed at my lips obsessively. Her dark pupils frantically ran from one side of my mouth to the other, as if wondering where that word had come from. Have I really just said the Underground?

Her voice dropped to a whisper when she told me when she told me “Levi, please, don't joke with me…”

“Do I look like someone who wants to joke?” I remarked, but she still looked quite disoriented. Apparently, I needed to explain myself a bit better.

“Erwin gave me more days off to fully recover. As we speak, hundreds of citizens are descending into the Underground due to the breach. The situation must be kept under control. And we'll go on patrol…” I paused for a few seconds, trying to read her expression, “ And see what's going on with your sisters.”

Her head slightly tilted back as a tiny gasp left her mouth.

“What?? But-but wouldn't it be better if I went to help Eren and-?” she babbled.

“Are you by any chance a titan-shifter? Do you secretly possess the hardening technique, perhaps?” I thundered.

She just pouted in response and lowered her gaze.

“Yeah, exactly. Therefore, you are absolutely useless right now. Only Eren can close the breach.”

“But-”

“Are you Eren Yeager? The professional fifteen-years-old pain in the ass?”

“No, fuck, I get it! But-” Daphne tried to object.

“Say another but and I'll let you rot down here, understood?”

After all, I guess I’m always the same: a coldhearted, messy captain who really has no half-measures.

My threat seemed to have had quite the right opposite effect I had hoped for just looking at the way her lips immediately curled into a shy smile. Two tiny dimples shaped at the sides of the mouth and her nose slightly wrinkled.

I couldn’t stand that face much longer and when I opened my mouth to speak again, my voice got unexpectedly softer. “However, it’s up to you. If you want to go and knit a net for the breach or just cheer for the kid, go. You’re still in time. Otherwise-”

“No.” Daphne firmly said, looking at me now straight in the eyes. “I want to stay with you. I mean, come with you. To the Underground .”

Then, she averted her gaze. “So, are we really going back?”. Her voice sounded so innocent, so helpless, like a little girl who could finally have her damn ice cream after dinner.

I nodded in response, without getting lost in further explanations.

Her mouth puckered and then opened in a twitchy “Thanks, Levi”. My chest suddenly tightened and all I could do was sigh and nod again, wordlessly.

A coldhearted, messy captain.

“There’s a cot in that cell, now sleep,” I ordered her, tilting my head in the direction of that tiny old room, right next to the priest’s. She immediately took a quick look at the cell, then eyed me again. She didn’t seem pleased, nor irritated, but her expression had definitely changed in a matter of seconds.

“Isn’t it funny, Levi? It’s been a while, but… Things haven’t changed at all. You still don’t trust me, do you?”

Yeah, it really felt like we were only going backward. No matter how hard I was trying not to perceive her as that night’s thief anymore, it still felt like nothing had really changed.

“It seems like you already know the answer to that question… ” I told her.

“Yeah, for the record it’s called rhetorical question …” she pointed out, walking towards the cell only to come out of it a second later, armed with a chair and an unmovable decision.

Daphne positioned herself right in front of the priest’s cell, next to the chair from which I was supposed to keep an eye on both of them. Once seated, she crossed her arms and legs and started bumping her foot on that old pavement in anticipation. I knew what she was up to.

What a brat.

“You’re going to fall asleep anyways,” I said as I took my position next to her, “Stop it already and go-”

“I’m not tired,” Daphne argued. A stubborn brat, as always, I thought.

“So, what’s the plan, Captain?”

“Drop the Captain .” I hissed.

“Alrighty, Levi … Listen, if I have to be your right-hand man or whatever you wanna call it, I need some more information, don’t you think? Otherwise, I really don’t know how to help you.”

“I’m going to explain everything you need to know tomorrow.” I cut off the conversation. I could sense her eyes rolling without even looking at her. The sigh she made in response got on my nerves beyond belief.

“Always so impatient I see…” I remarked, “Don’t worry, we have plenty of time to discuss the plan,” Then I added, low and deadly, “ And everything else that needs to be discussed between us. ”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” her voice trembled.

“Did you really think you could get away with that a million reasons why crap without a proper explanation?”

At that point, I guessed she had figured what I was referring to. I wasn’t still over her little tantrum in my office a few days before. I needed to know more.

After a quick moment of pure fear, she came back with another of her unrequested snarky comments: “Being so persistent doesn’t suit your age and title, Captain. Give up on that already. That was all I had to tell you.”

“We’ll see about that,” I promptly replied, “You should know by now that I always have my ways to get what I want.”

I could distinctly hear her gulp at the sound of my little tease.

“Anyways, I’ve told you we’ll go back to the Underground. Therefore, we’ll go back. Full stop.”

“It’s just that I don’t understand why!” Her voice suddenly rose, “Why are you helping me at this point? Just why! Don’t you hate me? You don’t even trust me, then how can you bring me back there-”

I didn’t give her the chance to finish that sentence properly when I turned in her direction, halting her just with my dangerous proximity.

“You’re right, I don’t trust you.” I hissed, “In fact, the only thing you need to know and get into that head of yours, for now, is this. So pay attention,” Her eyes widened, “You have already betrayed my trust. Twice . I dare you to try it a third time and see what happens, Daphne .”

That sounded like a threat. Indeed it was. But also, an outright lie. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her. I just didn’t trust her bad decisions. I still had faith in her.

At the sound of my words, her expression got unexpectedly darker, her nostrils wide, her mouth just a thin line.

“Then, why the fuck are you trying to help me?” she spoke through her teeth, staring back at me, furiously.

“Because I want to. Is that so hard for that shitty brain of yours to understand?”

No half measures .

She stared at me, wordlessly, for a moment. Maybe she was digesting my words, or maybe just thinking about what to say next. Then, her shoulders relaxed and her head rocked from side to side, snickering. A slow, smug grin found her lips.

“Always so aggressive, so defensive , Levi…” she teasingly spoke, “I preferred when you were nice to me.” and then crossed her legs and looked away.

Me too , I thought, but all I could say was “If you behave,”

“Suuure, Captain. I’m at your orders,” a hint of sarcasm painted her tone. “But let me ask you this, since it seems like around the Survey Corps everything has its but , its price… What’s yours? What’s the catch here?”

“I’ve already told you that I just want to help you. It’s as simple as that.” I stated, my voice firm. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her submissively nod in response. But still, why was that so hard for her to get?

I might have gone way too far with my mind, but at that point, a thought occurred to me. A candid, yet legitimate one. It actually was that hard for Daphne to get that someone wanted to simply help her without asking her for anything back. Her body, her time, or even just a little favor. Most likely, that thought was what had truly remained hidden behind that smart mouth of hers.

“This has nothing to do with what happened between us,” I clarified, “Do whatever you want with that memory. I just want to be of help. No but , no price, nothing like that… I do have a request , though.”

She snorted. “Yeah, yeah, I know, you don’t have to tell me. No running away, no funny business, no-”

“ That goes without saying ,” my voice dropped down into another slight severe threat. “My only request is… Don’t have any expectations about it. About your sisters, about what you’ll see down there. You still don’t know what’s going on, so whatever that is… Don’t let it affect you.”

Her face was still facing the wall before us, but I could vividly picture her expression at that moment. Soon after, a small nod signaled to me she had understood my words. Or at least, I hoped so. Then, there was just silence.

Hours dragged on quite easily in that stillness, and with time Daphne’s eyelids started to slowly fall down. If it wasn’t for her pride, she would have fallen asleep even earlier. And eventually, she did. Her head fell forward and her neck soon followed, arching unnaturally in the same direction.

Without even looking at her, I used my hand to guide her head on my shoulder, so that she could sleep in a less weird position. I did it without thinking about it too much. Naturally. As soon as her body found mine, Daphne unconsciously adjusted herself on my shoulder, brushing her head against my jacket, looping her arm around mine.

“Hey brat, I’m not a pillow, you know,” I was about to say, but something just told me to shut the fuck up for once.

Her hand grasped the fabric around my forearm, pushing herself a little closer to me. The rest of her body followed as she molded against me. Her proximity was as risky as it sounds. I should have woken her, I should have done something… But I decided to indulge myself that little moment. The priest was sound asleep and the night was my accomplice. Nobody had to know.

I just kept looking forward, unmoving, in silence.

That was until something humid drew my attention back on her after a while of me completely spacing out. She was literally drooling on my shoulder. Tch .

I tilted my head forward and started to blot that bit of saliva from the corner of her mouth while she seemed to be still lost in her dreams. If that were anyone else, I would have just been grossed out. Apparently that time I wasn’t, not even in the slightest, not even close. The scene just made me internally laugh. She just looked so… How do I put this… Ad-NEVER MIND.

That light touch on her lips seemed to disturb her sleep and a low grumble escaped her.

“You were drooling…” I whispered, my hand still ghosting beside her mouth.

At the sound of my voice, Daphne brandished the most childish smile I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life. She giggled, still half asleep, and then completely caught me off guard when her head moved upwards, enough for our cheeks to brush one against the other. The contact made my knees weak, my mind spin, my pride almost crumble.

“You won. ‘Night.” She clumsily worded, just an inch away from my ear, enough to warm up my sensitive skin with her hot breath, enough to make my skin crawl.

She lifted herself up from the chair, wobbling with her feet from side to side, our bodies still connected as she leant against me for support. On her way up, her lips unintentionally brushed the outline of my cheekbone, sending shivers down my spine. I chewed my cheek as hard as I could and just watched her walk away and then lie down on the cot.

Sleep has never come easily for me, let alone that night.

When the morning finally came, first I arranged our departure, then woke both the priest and Daphne, and together we left the district in a short time. Inside the carriage that was bringing us back to Trost, the air was thick with disquiet and frustration. As for me, I already knew what kind of fuckeries I was about to face once at the military barracks. In addition to that, I couldn’t sleep a wink because of Daphne, and her impatient fidgeting didn’t seem to lessen during the trip. Seated next to me, she kept looking outside the carriage, drumming her feet on the floor, and sighing from time to time.

On the other hand, I couldn’t help but wonder if another interrogation would have made that damn priest open that filthy mouth of his. During the whole time, he looked like a mad man, his eyes opened wide, his forehead tense, his hands shaking on top of his knees.

I still don’t know who looked less insane among us three.

Anyways, I know I’m not one to talk about manners, but when we arrived at Trost, the military’s welcome was way worse than I expected. Unpleasant, to use a euphemism. Irritating, to be a bit more realistic.

Shortly after our arrival, we were received by the head of that district, a commander whose name was and still is among the least of my concerns. For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to refer to him as “Shitty Commander”.

So, once in front of Shitty Commander’s desk, inside his obnoxiously big office, two of his guards approached our little trio and tried to take the priest away. I instantly reacted.

“That wasn’t part of our deal.”

“First off, I made a deal with Commander Smith, not with you , Captain Levi. Second, our barrack, our rules.” Shitty Commander said as the men exited the room dragging the priest away. “Don’t get all worked up, Captain, we’re going to take good care of him.”

Yeah, sure. The idea alone of leaving the priest in those assholes’ hands made my blood boil, but we didn’t have any other alternative. Pastor Nick didn’t want to talk, therefore the jail was his only option.

“Whatever. Can we leave now?” I asked, not even trying to hide how annoyed I was.

“Not so fast. C’mon, you’ve just arrived, Captain,” Shitty Commander mischievously told me, “You can’t leave just now. This kind of situation requires some bureaucracy, you know that, right? Also, I’d like to confer with you…”

“I already see a bunch of lazybones here that could make themselves of some use,” my bad temper spoke on my behalf, “You have enough hands to sign those papers.”

“Mind your words, Captain,” I heard the voice of a police officer coming from the left, but I couldn’t care less.

“Don’t make this even harder than it already is, okay? First, that soldier behind you must leave,” Shitty Commander demanded, way too arrogantly for my liking. “This conversation is strictly confidential.”

“She’s my second-in-command,” I sternly declared, “Whatever you have to tell me, she stays.”

“She must leave.”

“What part of she stays was unclear? The she or the stays ?” I snapped.

“How dare you-” that soldier on my left tried to speak again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I had seen a hand move forward, right in my direction, but nothing ever came. My reflexes weren’t fast enough to catch that, but apparently, someone’s were. Daphne, who had been silently witnessing the whole conversation from behind my back, had already made her move before I could even realize it.

Her arm instinctively stretched forward and stopped that soldier from coming any closer to me. Her hold was now strongly tightened around that officer's wrist, his hand an inch away from my arm, his feet fidgeting, poorly trying to advance.

“You bitch, let go-” he tried to protest and that was enough for me to stop that situation from getting any worse. We had already lost too much time for my liking.

I slightly rotated my head in Daphne’s direction, giving her a quick understanding look. Her eyes were now fixed on the officer, silently fighting his words back, burning a hole in his face just with her fiery gaze. Then, lowering her hand and moving it away from that filthy officer, I took her out of that room with me, dragging her by the wrist.

“Oi, careful, my wrist, ouch-” she complained as we rushed out the door. Once in the hallway, I immediately let go of her.

“Listen, let’s just give them what they want. I think I can handle a bunch of stupid questions about Erwin and our last failed mission,” I started to say as she fixed her jacket, “In the meantime, go and see if you can find where they have brought that damn priest. Try downstairs. If they ask you something, tell them you’re following my direct orders. I’ll come and find you as soon as I’m done here…”

She only nodded and then silently turned her heels.

“Be careful…” I told her before going back inside Shitty Commander’s office.

“You too.” I heard her say from a distance.

In the afternoon, hours and hours later, I was freed by those assholes and I finally had time to join Daphne. When I found her in the barrack’s jail - as I expected - , the scene I witnessed was priceless. She was standing still in front of the priest’s cell, arms crossed, jaw locked, forehead furrowed, completely absorbed in a staring contest with a police officer right before her. Priceless. It almost made me laugh.

As soon as she sensed my presence, Daphne left her opponent and simply joined me outside. Walking down the hallways, we updated each other about the past few hours. We almost looked like two perfect allies.

I was previously authorized by the Shitty Commander to use their offices and documentation for my - well, our - personal research. I knew they had the information we needed for our little mission in the Underground. But before we could reach the room we were heading to, Daphne halted right in the middle of that corridor.

“What is it now?” I asked her, visibly annoyed, and I turned around to face her. She stayed silent, completely still as she stared at someone on the other side of the courtyard.

“Nothing…” She spoke after a while, “I thought I saw someone I know… But that’s not possible. That’s not possible, right?”

My head tilted. “Someone you know? Here?” I asked, walking close to her.

“Nevermind, I probably got confused-” She murmured as she tried to step forward.

“Tell me where to look,” I ordered, positioning myself right in front of her body and preventing her from moving any further.

She looked rather reluctant at first but eventually neared and closed the gap between us. Then, Daphne grabbed me by the collar and pretended to fix the ascot around my neck as her fingers gently ran between the fabric and my skin.

In that tiny space between us, she started to slowly guide my gaze with her words, whispering, “The opposite side of the courtyard. The group of officers. The man on the right. Tall. Broad shoulders. Grizzled hair and a deep scar on his jaw.”

In all fairness, that little set-up was rather distracting, but I tried to stay focused and analyze the scene behind her shoulder. “I don’t think I know him,” I murmured, “Never seen him before. But I know the man on his left. A douchebag.”

“I don’t know, Levi, he just looks so familiar… A scar like that is hard to forget,” she said, quite concerned, “But that’s impossible, right?”

“Maybe just an officer who used to patrol the Underground?” I suggested.

“I know their faces like the palm of my hand… But I don’t know, maybe… ” she shook her head, “Yeah, I’m probably mistaken, let’s-let’s just forget about it for now,”

“Wait-” I tried to stop her, but she quickly pulled me by the collar and murmured a centimeter away from my mouth, “I said forget it, Levi.”

I peered down at her, my eyes automatically fell on her lips, and she noticed it. We were so damn  close, but, as always, that wasn’t the right place, nor the right time.

Daphne cleared her throat and patted my chest, signaling me she was done with the ascot. I nodded in response and guided her with my hand on the small of her back as we turned around the corner.

I took a quick mental note of that. She could have been mistaken, sure, but she could have also been right and simply not able to connect the dots on the spot. Officers, especially the ones from Trost, were always involved in some twisted shit - only the heavens know what.

Once finally inside an abandoned, moldy office, we started to leaf through maps and documents and set up our agenda for the next few days. Daphne looked at all that stuff as if she had just found a sacred treasure. Her Holy Grail. As we were both scanning the Underground’s map, another thought hit me. If she only had had that type of documentation earlier, she could have done so much more to help her family.

“So, this is the spot where you jumped to last time…” I started to say, giving her a quick angry look.

“Yeah, my bad…” She murmured, anxiously rubbing her nape.

“Anyways,” I moved my index over the map, traveling through the path we had followed last time again. “Here is the brothel. And over there…” I traced my finger on the right, just a few streets away from the mansion, “This is where we’re going to stay for the next few days.”

A big, invisible, question mark appeared all over Daphne’s face.

“I’ve already sent a letter to an old friend of mine. If he’s still alive, everything will be settled by our arrival. It’s just a hovel, really, but more than enough for our needs. It’s the place where I used to live with Farlan and Isabel… I guessed wherever you used to stay wasn’t safe for us given that we’re trying to go undercover, not to catch any attention, stuff like that.”

“Makes sense…” Daphne mumbled, then clicked her tongue and looked up at me, “You really thought this through, didn’t you?”

“Just had a lot of free time recently.” I replied, averting my gaze.

“Yeah, sure… Listen, again, I really appreciate this I-just-want-to-help-you thing, but let’s get one thing straight. I know I’m not in the position to talk, but just know that I want to have a word in this. I won’t let you boss me around or take decisions by yourself, Levi. We are in this together, ok? Cooperation? Teamwork? Do these words sound familiar to you?”

“Don’t push your luck, girl.”

She slightly rolled her eyes and right when her gaze found the map again, something unknown glittered in her eyes.

“Hey, quick question, when did you leave the Underground exactly?”

“Mmh… I wouldn’t say a decade, but definitely a while ago. Five, six years ago. I think I lost track of time… Why?” I asked her out of curiosity.

“No, it’s just that…” She seemed to ponder her answer for a few seconds, then pointed at the map and said, “Look. Look how close we used to live… Are you sure you have never seen me before?”

“I think I would remember a girl like you.” My quick response took her by surprise and a little reddish fog suddenly painted her cheeks.

“Emh, I-I mean… I was literally t-there,” she stuttered, “Are you sure you’ve never come to the brothel? Or even close? I promise I won’t judge-”

“No.” I don’t really like where this conversation is going…

“Not even for a bet? Not even a friend-” she asked again, but I immediately interrupted her.

“I’m not very fond of brothels.” I stated with control.

“Yeah… You don’t seem like that type actually. At least, you got morals… ” Daphne said almost whispering. There I couldn’t help but confess.

“No, because I was born in a brothel.”

Here we go , I thought.

“What…” she hissed between her teeth.

“My…” I took a deep breath, “My mum used to work in a brothel. We… I….” I was about to add something else, not even sure about what to say exactly. Luckily for me, at that point, someone burst into the room.

“Captain Levi, here you are. Premier Zachary has just arrived. He’s asking for you. I need you to come with me, sir.” The soldier said, with a tone I didn’t quite like. And yet I had just been saved from the only conversation I had been avoiding having with Daphne since the very beginning.

I sighed and rapidly glanced at her as I walked towards the door. Her face was still facing down on the map, still processing my words, stiff and silent. Just a moment before closing the door, I told her:

“Gather the maps and… Just wait. Please.”

Please .

DAPHNE’S POV

I don’t know how much time had passed, I was just there, thinking, completely spacing out as my gaze and my thoughts wandered through the alleys drawn on the map. At some point, I collected the documents and exited the room, almost unconsciously. Then, I leaned my back against the door and just waited. I waited there.

After a while, a pair of dark boots appeared next to mine and a soothing voice called out for me. Levi . He didn’t say much more and simply beckoned me to follow him. We walked upstairs and right in front of a door, the Captain drew a pair of keys out of his pocket and suspiciously opened it.

Behind it, a small, shabby room appeared. The atmosphere was screaming “austerity” with its dark-wooden floor and those bare walls. There was barely enough space for the furniture: only two cots, a meter or so away from one another, and a night table right underneath an old, wrecked window. Nothing more, nothing less.

It really looks like a cell… Wait . What the fuck is happening? Is this my cell? Is he for real now??

I rapidly glanced at him. I was this close to snapping, but before I could say something Levi turned and moved his eyes around the room with a disgusted look.

“They told me this or the prison downstairs with that damn priest,” He said, interrupting my rambling thoughts. “ Tch . I guess beggars can’t be choosers… ”

“Oh…” So, that’s not my cell, I thought as we stepped in. It’s our cell.

Levi plopped himself down on one of the two beds, sighed deeply, and threw me a blanket that was folded next to him. I caught it on the fly as he spoke again:

“Those pricks made us lose way enough time today. Let’s just sleep and wake up early tomorrow. Please, don’t be a pain in the ass and just obey this time, alright? Will you do this for me?”

I instinctively pouted at his command and murmured as I suited myself on my bed: “ You are a pain in the ass.”

“Excuse me, what??”

“Sleep tight, Captain.” I cut off the conversation, ironically.

He didn’t argue, completely worn out by that long, exhausting day. I guessed appeasing all sides, compromising, trying to be as tactful as possible, all the while dealing with those assholes, wasn’t the ideal type of day for Levi. But still, as soon as I rested my head on that old pillow, I knew that was going to be just another long, restless night.

It didn’t pass long until a haunting thought suddenly occurred to me. We were there, alone, in that almost pitch black. Us two, alone. And I couldn’t seem to sleep a wink.

“Because I was born in a brothel”, “I was born in a brothel”, “I was born”, “In a brothel”

I was so tired and shocked I couldn’t even bring myself to ask him anything directly. I was just there thinking and thinking, twisting and turning in that tiny blanket.

And right when I thought I was sound asleep, a couple of hours later probably, I started to hear strange noises coming from Levi’s bed. After a while, all those tiny moans and laments rose dramatically into a final, long, agonizing scream and my body instinctively moved in his direction, reaching his bed in a matter of seconds. The cry was so gruff he sounded literally in pain.

I couldn’t see much but as soon as I positioned myself beside him, I sensed his body quite close to mine. Closer than expected. He was sitting on the bed, panting, and as soon as he felt me, he immediately grabbed me. His hug was tight and desperate, his fingers were piercing my shirt as they sank, skewered the fabric, his forehead pressed against my shoulder, his breath labored.

I called out his name, low and gingerly, but it took a while before he finally came back to his senses.

“Levi, are you okay?”

He was still panting uncontrollably when he held me even closer at the sound of my voice. His skin felt burning hot. I could even feel the sweat dampening his clothes.

“Levi, can you hear me?” I asked him, “Hey, what’s going on?”

A couple of other deep breaths, then his grip eventually loosened. His head slightly moved away from my shoulder, but his breath felt still so close when I heard him say, his voice hoarse from shouting: “Go back to sleep.”

“Hey. No. C’mon Levi. What happened?”

His thick swallow vibrated in the small space between us.

“Just a nightmare, go back to your bed.” he grunted.

There was a moment of silence. I wasn’t sure which was the right way to approach him at that moment. So, I only got closer, my tone as gentle as possible, as if I didn’t want to disturb him: “Okay… Do you want me to go get you a glass of water? Something to-”

“No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Levi,”

Silence.

“It will make you feel better… Was it that scary?”

“It was just a nightmare. I said go to sleep.” he harshly added as he squeezed my hand on top of the mattress, trapping it inside his. From the grasp, I could tell he was still shivering.

But again, the silence between us boomed in the room and all I could do was ponder what to do, or whether to even say anything else. Should I leave him alone or stay? The answer came quick, unexpectedly natural. If there was anything clear for me at that point was that, whether he liked it or not, I would have stayed by his side. None of his threats or insults would have made me step back.

“And what happened in this nightmare?”

Silence.

“Someone died.”

“Someone you care for?” I whispered.

“Yes.” The saddest yes I had ever heard.

“You saw them dying or-”

“She was already dead.”

“ She … ”

“I thought that was my mum,” he confessed, his voice gruff, “I was in her room, like the day I found her dead.” he paused. “I thought it was just a memory.” another pause. “But this time there was someone else in her place.”

One of my hands was still trapped in his tight hold when I brought the other one over his, gently rubbing his skin as I figured what to say next. He didn’t protest, didn’t flinch.

“You know, dreams are just… Confused elaboration of our subconscious. Messages, mixed memories, or simply images,” I started to say and his thumb on my wrist started to move in sync with my little massage. At that point I didn’t know anymore who was comforting whom.

“Maybe your subconscious is just trying to tell you something about that person you dreamt of. How you feel about… Her.” his thumb halted, and so did my hand.

What if that person was…

I tried to change the subject at the sudden realization.

“Anyways, Miss Martha once told me that if you dream of someone's death, you give them five additional years of life. This person must be very lucky…”

Silence, again.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It was just a dream, Levi, okay?”

He just hummed.

“How are you feeling now?” I asked him, trying to find his face in that pitch black. Just a vague, dark outline of a head, a couple of centimeters away from me.

“Better. Now, go back to sleep, please .”

“If you need anything, I’m right there. You just have to ask, alright?”. There was so much I wanted to add and I could feel my thoughts rushing up against my tongue, but my mouth instinctively closed. I needed not to repeat my past errors, I needed to draw a line and never cross it again.

“Thanks… ” his voice trembled.

That word was enough to encourage me to go back and sleep. But there another question suddenly rose in my mind.

“Hey Levi, one last thing…”

“Yeah?”

“Are we… Are we good?” My voice small.

“Otherwise why would I be helping you, dumbass?” He was definitely back to his senses.

“Right, right…” I quickly replied, almost laughing.

Until that specific moment my brain didn’t seem to fully grasp that reality. Going back to the Underground wasn’t an easy task for Levi, for anyone who had been lucky enough to get out of it. Still, he had decided to help me, to ask Erwin who knows what kind of favor and to get himself involved in all that shit again. Just for me. And yet, I kept making everything even harder for him.

I felt guilty. I felt so many things and I needed to say something.

“Speaking of which, Levi… I am sincerely grateful for what you’re doing for me. I really am…” A sharp sigh interrupted me. I was once again dancing on that thin line I had drawn in my mind. I was dangerously on its limit.

The pitch dark of the room, the proximity, the intimacy of that tiny room seemed to make me unexpectedly braver, more candid, ultimately vulnerable.

“I don’t want to argue anymore. I promise I won’t complain or make things harder for you. I won’t run away, I promise. I won’t mess things up this time, I promise. I-”

At that point, I had completely lost control over my words. My foot started to swing on the other side of that imaginary line, never landing on the ground, and yet I could already feel the void beneath it, the vertigo knotting my stomach.

“I just want to be by your side, Levi. Please, don’t push me away…”

The vertigo.

“I… I just want us to get along. That’s all. Can we do that?”

“If that’s what you want…” Levi finally replied.

“So, we good?”

I probably sounded way too naive, way too impulsive. The same old emotional girl that from time to time got on his nerves.

All of a sudden, Levi’s hand reached out and found my hair. As he playfully, yet gently stroked my head, he murmured: “Yeah, we good, don’t worry,”

His fingers slowly moved down and pushed a loose strand of my hair away behind my ear, as his lips silently lended close by. “Please, do as I told you and go back to sleep. I’m not thinking straight right now…”

When the light fog of his words settled on my earlobe, my mouth instinctively opened, shivering in anticipation as his name shaped through her teeth. His lips lingered over my neck for a while, his breath heating my skin as his hand ran down my arm.

I swallowed thickly, my eyes unfocused somewhere in the dark… Then, I heard him chuckle. When I realized what was going on, I snapped at him: “Do you think that’s funny?”

“What? You are allowed to mess with me whenever you want and I’m not, huh?”

“That’s- I don’t-” I tried to object.

“You’ve been messing with me from the very first day we met. Tell me, do you really want to deny it?”

“Well, you didn’t seem to despise it either.” I teased him back.

“Never said that, dear .” Levi whispered, lightly patting on my shoulder as if he was dismissing me. So, I simply obeyed and made my way back to the bed.

After a while of just lying in silence and staring at that dark ceiling, I called his name in the dark.

“Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“What was your mum’s name?”

He took his time before actually answering me, then sweetly whispered a name. His voice had never sounded as tender as that.

“Kuchel…”

“ Kuchel … That’s a lovely name.”

I kept that name in my mouth for a while, trying to guess her features. I imagined her as charming and magnetic as Levi. I thought I could see her in my mind: her dark hair and piercing eyes, high and sharp cheekbones, a mesmerizing aura.

“...And what was she like?” I dared to ask again. He didn’t seem to complain about that additional question, but again, he made me wait for his reply.

“Selfless. Indeed selfless. Way too selfless.” Levi said, his words sounded bitter this time.

“...And caring. A kind soul,” His tone softened.

“...And beautiful.”

“I bet she was…” I was only able to say. And Levi didn’t add anything else.

“I’m a woman of my word, so… Goodnight, Levi.”

“Night, Daphne.”

Now, we are good. Kinda.

𝐀/𝐍:

Hi readers! Finally, I’m back (but not better lol)! Honestly, I still haven’t had enough time to correct the previous chapters, but I wanted to make something clear. From now on, I’m going to use they/them pronouns for Hange (and I’ll change them in the previous chapters as well). If you want to know more about it, I can suggest a couple of official sources or threads on twitter and tumblr where this topic is better clarified. I know Isayama prefered to not specified their gender, that an editor said that “it’s up to the reader/watcher”, I know that the anime mostly chose female pronouns but also made some “ambiguous” choices in terms of honorifics, I know that enby ppl strictly using they/them is just a stereotype (they can also use and accept he/they/she), I know this is just a fanfiction, I know they are fictional characters, I know, I know. However. I think they/them pronouns simply better represent the character. I hope it's all clear, if not lmk. Hope you’re all good and safe, until next time, Laurelle.

[sylvanfreckles]

Allergies (FebuWhump 01)

Here we go again!

This is also posted on AO3

Fandom: Supernatural Summary: Dean and a newly-human Castiel try to interview the owner of a restaurant for a case. Things go badly...and, as usual, Cas faces the consequences. Warnings: Mild warning for allergic reactions, but this one is pretty tame.

* * *

“Here we go,” Dean announced, pulling the car into one of the restaurant's parking spaces. “This the place?”

Castiel, sitting in the passenger's seat, stared down at his phone with a frown for a moment. “According to Sam the chicken bone from the hex bag showed signs of being deep-fried, and three of the members of city council who opposed Deputy Mayor Sloane's proposed interstate bypass operate restaurants that serve deep-fried chicken...”

“Short story, Cas,” Dean cut in, holding a hand up. “I was there for, y'know, the exposition the first time.” He shoved open the door to the Impala and climbed out, automatically checking his pocket for the wallet with his counterfeit FBI badge.

Cas had climbed out, too, and stared at him over the roof of the car for a moment. “That was a rhetorical question.”

“Yeah, see, he gets it!” Dean shot him a grin to take the edge off of his words. “Let's go.”

He felt more than heard Cas fall into step beside him. Cas had been returned to them three months ago—alive and whole and human, thanks to Jack. Chuck was gone, they finally had full control over their own lives, and even more important they had the time to figure things out now.

Providing, of course, Dean could ever bring himself to say anything out loud.

“Here we go,” he said, pushing the restaurant's door open. There was a teenager behind the counter, dressed in a ridiculous apron and hat that went with the restaurant's theme.

“Hey there,” Dean approached the kid, wallet out to show his badge. “We need to speak to the boss.”

The teen's eyes widened behind her glasses. “He's, uh, he's out back. Disposing of the oil.”

“Thanks.” If he'd been a younger man...and if things were less complicated...he might have flirted with her. But as it was, now that he was past forty and Cas was right behind him snuffling into his sleeve (Dude, come on), it really didn't seem appropriate.

Cas sneezed.

“Bless you. Jeez,” Dean held the door open to let Cas exit first. “You getting sick, man?”

“I don't think so,” Cas shook his head and sniffed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “I feel a sudden...discomfort.”

Dean pulled a face. “Well, let's talk to Mr Chicken, then we can get you back to the hotel to get some rest, all right?”

“I'm fine, Dean.”

Right. Fine. With the way he was blinking and trying to surreptitiously wipe the corners of his eyes on his sleeves. Either Cas was coming down with a cold or he'd gotten a lungful of something that didn't agree with him.

They made their way around to the back of the restaurant, where Dean spotted a man pouring out a bucket of oil into some kind of bio-waste bin. “Excuse me, Mr. Graham?”

Graham looked up, and when the two of them got closer Dean pulled his wallet out again so the other man could see his ID. “We'd just like to ask you some questions.”

The man hesitated, looking from Dean to Cas for a moment, then with a low oath he hauled the bucket up and around and threw its contents at the two Hunters.

Dean shouted and ducked and managed to avoid most of the mess, but when he looked up he realized Cas's reflexes hadn't been as good and the former angel was covered in disgusting, filthy frying oil.

“Duck next time, jeez,” Dean half-snarled, pushing himself up to his feet to take off after Graham. Cas was usually quicker than that...either he was still adjusting to the whole “things can hurt me now” stuff, or whatever was making him sick was hitting harder than Dean had thought.

“D-Dean?”

The stammered cry had him wheeling back around. Cas was pawing at his face, rubbing his sleeve across his eyes. “Cas?”

“It's—something—something's wrong. I can't...” Cas let out a gagging cough and doubled over, and when he glanced up at Dean there were already bright red spots blooming on his exposed skin.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean grabbed the back of Cas's jacket and hauled it off. “Take it off. Get it all off.”

“Dean...”

“It's the oil, Cas, you're covered in it.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. The redness was spreading. Dean could already see the rash spreading down Cas's neck, puffing up the skin as it went. “Take it off,” he repeated. “I'll get the kit.”

It was Sam who'd made the unfortunate discovery that Cas's humanity came at a cost. His immune system was basically non-existent, and with that came a broad spectrum of allergies. And, judging by the smell, Mr. Graham's restaurant fried their chicken in peanut oil.

(It turned out bees were one of the few things Cas wasn't allergic to, and Dean suspected it was actually some hive-mind magic to protect the angel that had once watched over them so lovingly. He was happy about it, of course, and seeing Cas sitting in his little garden reading ancient Sumerian to his little beehives always brought a warm feeling to his chest.)

Dean grabbed the kit out of the Impala's trunk and tucked it under one arm to sprint back to Cas. It had some basics for an emergency like this—antihistamines, hydrocortisone cream, epi-pens, baby wipes. He rounded the corner and found Cas bent over at the waist, shirt hanging loose from his arms, fingers clenched into the fabric of his pants as he gasped for breath.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered again. He slid to a stop next to Cas and dropped the kit. “Cas?”

The former angel looked up at him, face already swollen and mottled red and white. He tried to talk but let out a cough and clawed at his throat.

“No, no, hey, don't do that,” Dean caught his wrist. “Let's get this shit off you.”

There was a spigot with a hose near the back door. Dean cranked the water on and hunted down the end of the hose, pulling out his phone to call for paramedics.

“Yeah, hey,” he said, when the emergency operator picked up. “My buddy's having an allergic reaction to peanut oil, some asshole threw it all over him.”

Cas let out a wheeze of protest. Dean rolled his eyes and tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear, redirecting the water in the hose toward Cas's face. He hadn't turned it up too high, just wanting to rinse as much of that shit off as possible. “Yeah, I'm still here.”

He listened as the emergency operator listed off things to check for, relaying Cas's answers to their questions. “Ambulance on its way, man,” he said, helping Cas sit down on the curb behind the restaurant. “Nope, no buts about this one.”

Cas's face was already swollen, and his breaths were a painful-sounding wheeze. He hung his head and slumped against Dean with a pitiful sound.

Dean shifted the phone to one hand and gently rubbed Cas's back with the other. “Yes, he's still awake,” he said into the phone. “I have an epi-pen...no, no, I haven't used it. Yeah, yeah, I can hear the sirens.”

As the flash of red lights came around the corner, Dean shifted his hand up to the back of Cas's neck. “Dude,” he finally whispered with a shaky laugh. “Why are you allergic to everything?”

[maggiemaybe160]

Hate Isn’t the Opposite of Love

Fic based on @nox-lee‘s poem 10 Things I Hate About Castiel, A Poem by Dean Winchester

“Personal space, Cas,” Dean says without looking up. The sound of wings beating against the air is louder than everything else. It lights Dean’s nerve endings on fire, sets his heart racing, and makes him want to reach for the angel responsible. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says behind him. Dean dries his face he’s just finished washing and looks up into the mirror at the source of everything. 

“You know I hate that.” Dean clenches his jaw, swallowing hard as he turns around and notices just how close they’re standing. “I hate the way you stand so close.”

“Sorry,” Cas mutters, taking a small step back. Dean wants to stop him and pull him back to being too close. He desperately wants to, but he doesn’t. He never does and at this rate, he never will. 

“I hate how small this room is.” It’s stuffy and suffocating. There’s too much room, but also too little. Dean runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath as he steps around Cas. Their shoulders brush and electricity shocks him. “I hate everything.” 

“Are you feeling alright, Dean?” 

“No! I hate the way you wear your hair!” It used to stick out in every direction. He used to wear it like a wild thing. Now he combs it. He’s tamed it. Dean wants to reach into the thick, dark hair and pull it gently. He wants to feel the soft hair between his fingers as he restores the crazed style that he’d worn when they met. 

“I hate the way you stole my damn car.” Dean goes to his bed and remakes it even though it was already up to military standards. “I hate that you tried to give the mixtape back.” Dean turns around to face Cas. He wonders why his gaze is magnetic. He is locked in place every time he finds Cas’ eyes across a room or just a few inches apart. 

“I hate it when you stare.” 

Cas immediately looks down.

Dean walks back to him and lifts his chin gently, silently hating the searing touch. He wants more and can never have it. 

“I didn’t steal your car. Kelly did. I was going to wait for you. I never wanted to betray you, Dean.” His voice is soft and rough at the same time. It twists Dean’s stomach into knots. “I did though. I’m sorry.”

“I hate your big, dumb trenchcoat,” Dean says, his voice cracking under Cas’ apology. He straightens Cas’ lapel when it doesn’t need it. 

“Dean.” Cas catches his hand and holds it tightly. “It’s okay. I’m here.” 

“I hate the way you read my mind.” Dean squeezes Cas’ hand. “I hate you so much, Cas. I hate you so much for the way I feel and how you’re so kind.” His hand is on fire, but he can’t let go. 

Dean takes in a shaky breath. He doesn’t know why he’s still talking. He can’t make it stop. “I hate the way I made you fall,” he says quietly. Cas shakes his head, pushing Dean’s self-blame away. 

“Dean, please,” Cas begs. “Stop it.”

“I- I hate it when you die,” Dean chokes. He holds his hand back from cupping Cas’ face. “Every time it happens, it’s like the world is ending. I was ready for it to end last time, Cas. I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve lost so much, but losing you is too much.” 

Cas opens his mouth in silent shock as Dean feels his first tear fall. He doesn’t bother wiping it away, his hands occupied with holding onto Cas. 

“I hate you so much,” Dean shakes his head, “for giving up an army, your family, Heaven, just for one fucked up guy.”  

“I’ll always choose you, Dean. You’re my family. Not them. This is my home. Not Heaven. You’ve proven that to me. Please, Dean, tell me what’s really wrong,” Cas pleads, releasing Dean’s hands to pull him into a tight hug. Dean’s arms circle around him, holding onto him like the lifeline he has been and always will be. 

“I hate it when you’re not around and when you don’t call,” Dean says into Cas’ shoulder. His hands tighten, balling the trenchcoat into his fists. “But what’s really wrong, Cas,” Dean chokes, “is that I hate the way that I don’t hate you. Not even close. Not even a little bit.” Dean feels himself sinking. Quite literally he’s sinking to the floor and Cas is coming with. They crumple to the floor, Cas holding onto Dean, comfort in his arms. 

“Not even at all,” Dean admits, crying. 

“I love you, Dean,” Cas says, pressing his cheek to the top of Dean’s head. “I love that when I stand too close, your jaw tightens and your cheeks turn pink.”

Dean freezes, his head still against Cas’ chest, listening to the pounding of his heart. 

“I love the way you wear your hair. The way you style it up and pretend you don’t use products even though there’s an entire drawer just for you. The way it sticks up in the morning and you look like a sleepy hedgehog while you drink your coffee. The way it looks right now after you’ve messed it up in a fit, running your hands through it and pulling at it.” 

Dean wipes away his tears but remains where he is, curled against Cas. 

“I love that mixtape you gave me. I play it every night while you and Sam sleep. I sit in the Impala in the garage and listen to the entire thing for as long as I can get away with. 

“I love how much you tease me about my car. Your mean nicknames for it. You even tried covering up how much you hate it just because I was sick. I won’t pretend to understand your taste in cars, but it feels good to be joked with.

“Look at me,” Cas says softly. Dean does, tilting his head while keeping it firmly against Cas’ chest. Their eyes lock and Dean’s heart leaps. “I love when you stare because it feels like my heart is exploding and my mind is expanding. It feels like how I imagine stars feel when they burst.” 

Dean’s breath catches. He can’t move. He can’t speak. 

“I love to hate your stupid flannels. No one can wear one of those and look good. No one but you.” Cas looks away, breaking the contact before pulling Dean closer, his hand running down Dean’s arm. 

“I love the way you read my mind, when you finish my thoughts, and start my sentences. You know me better than I know myself sometimes. You know what I’m capable of, even when everyone else tells me I can’t. 

“I love you so much, Dean Winchester, for the way I feel. Angels aren’t allowed to feel. I never thought I would experience any emotion. Not happiness, certainly not elation. I didn’t think I would ever feel love, but I do and it’s all thanks to you.”

Cas stops for a moment. He takes a deep breath and Dean can hear his heart beat a tiny bit faster. His next breath is broken. 

“I hate it when you die.” His arms tighten around Dean. “I watched you get dragged to Hell. I fixed it when I was allowed. It got harder after that. I didn’t know that meeting you would make everything so much better, and your deaths so much worse to bear. When Metatron killed you, when you became a demon… It hurt so badly, I could hardly breathe. I didn’t want to keep going. I thought that I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean whispers. Cas hugs him tighter for a moment. Dean’s entire world is limited to Cas and his enveloping presence. 

“I love choosing you over the angels. It’s an easy decision to make when they mark it clearly to choose between Dean Winchester and all of Heaven. Heaven who watched as you were tortured in Hell until it was too late. Heaven who exiles me like a child on time out. Heaven who tortured and brainwashed me. All of that against the man who calls me a friend, an ally, family. A man with eyes that look like grass in the Springtime and has a laugh that brightens the world. A man who puts everyone else before himself because he’s the man who saves people and hunts things. I think, no matter how ‘fucked up’ a guy he is, he’s a great one.”

Cas finds one of Dean’s hands and slowly laces his fingers with Dean’s. 

“I love when I show up after being gone for a while and you already know that it’s me, your eyes finding mine in the rearview mirror. I love when I show up and you jump. I love when I’ve been gone for a while and when I come back, I can tell that I’ve been missed. 

“I love when you pray to me instead of calling my cellphone. I remember a time before you prayed. I remember the first night you prayed and it was the loudest, clearest voice I had ever heard. It still is. When you pray, it might as well be my own thoughts. I also love when you call my phone because you set a new ringtone for yourself every time you get a chance. No one else has been pretending to be an FBI agent when their phone starts playing the Batman theme song.

“But, Dean,” Cas pulls away enough to look at Dean. His eyes shine and his voice is soft as he whispers, “I love the way that I’m entirely in love with you. Just a little bit, or maybe a lot. Head over heels, completely in love.” 

Dean finally reaches forward to cup his jaw and lean in, pressing his lips to Cas’. Cas kisses back immediately, a gentle kiss making promises and starting something new. 

@ain-t-bovvered @soloarcana @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @kingofmyimagination @fandom-is-my-middle-name @samatedeansbroccoli @anarchiana @lils2024 @destiel-honeypie @spn-bitchh @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @skittles-rainbow-cat @k-lewis @destielhoneybee @castibella-shipper-of-the-lord @aestheticallydyke @righteouscomeuppancejogstheliver @deanwinchesterswitch @adventurous-blob @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @royalrowena @telefunkies @blueeyesandpie @jemariel

[technoskittles]

Pure Feeling Playlist

Okay, so I had someone on twitter express interest in the songs I have for my playlist for Pure Feeling and figured, yeah, I could share it. I don’t have a spotify (I don’t like the interface plus the music selection is way too limited for my taste) and the playlist itself is on Youtube Music. It’s also private because I don’t really want random people seeing it or other people messing with it if I unlocked it, so I’ll just type up all the songs here with links that way y’all can scroll through and listen to what you want.

I understand there’s probably an easier and faster way to do this probably, but hey, with the quarantine I clearly have some extra time on my hands so why not?

Though, couple of warnings:

1. It’s LOOOOOOONG (it’s 300+ songs in total) (don’t worry I’m gonna put this under a cut)

2. Some of the songs aren’t going to make much sense in terms of the AU. This is for two reasons: a) Some of the songs allude to events/characters that haven’t shown up in the story yet (there’s a LOT of songs regarding Mara’s father) and b) some of them are just general songs that I use to get a basis of emotion/vibe when writing particular types of scenes.

3. My music tastes are all over the place (and this doesn’t even include some of the other genres I listen to just because it doesn’t fit this AU lol)

But this playlist is my main muse and is probably one of the best insights to my process/inner thoughts so, without further ado.....my full playlist.

(I grouped the songs from the same artist together for the easiest convenience)

(And some songs might kind of be repeats if I listen to multiple versions for the purpose of this fic)

Got any favorites? Any songs that worry you about the future of this fic? Or just something you might want more clarification on? Feel free to shoot me ask about it!

South London Forever by Florence + The Machine

Patricia by Florence + The Machine

I Will Be by Florence + The Machine

Too Much Is Never Enough by Florence + The Machine

You’ve Got The Love by Florence + The Machine

Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine

Ship To Wreck by Florence + The Machine

St. Jude by Florence + The Machine

Over The Love by Florence + The Machine

Pure Feeling by Florence + The Machine (hey look it’s the fic title)

Heavy In Your Arms by Florence + The Machine

What Kind Of Man by Florence + The Machine

Stuck On You by Meiko

Stuck On You (Acoustic Version) by Meiko

Adventure of A Lifetime by Coldplay

Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay

Hymn For The Weekend by Coldplay

Simple and Clean by Hikaru Utada

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - FYI - Hikaru Utada

Be My Last by Hikaru Utada

Colors by Hikaru Utada

Distance (M-Flo Remix) by Hikaru Utada

Without You (Justice Skolnik Remix) by Oh Wonder

Rockabye by Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie

In The Rain (an unofficial rendition from Miraculous Ladybug by David Russell)

Stone Heart (an unofficial rendition from Miraculous Ladybug by sxrlove06)

Lost In The Moment by Daniel Lee Kendall

Fragile by ARCADES

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood

Scary Love by The Neighbourhood

Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

Sweater Weather (Vaski Remix) by The Neighbourhood

Honest by The Neighbourhood

Alleyways by The Neighbourhood

Stuck With Me by The Neighbourhood

Lights by Ellie Goulding

Goodness Gracious (The Chainsmokers Remix) by Ellie Goulding

Still Falling For You by Ellie Goulding

Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding

Don’t Need Nobody by Ellie Goulding

Candy-Coloured Sky by Catmosphere

‘Till We’re In The Sea by RKCB

affection by Jinsang

summers day v2 by Jinsang

Let Go by Frou Frou

Must Be Dreaming by Frou Frou

I Just Want You by Robert Duncan

Forget by Alicks

Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier

Nevermind by Dennis Lloyd

Let It Happen by Tame Impala

Think About You by Kygo ft. Valerie Broussard

First Time by Kygo ft. Ellie Goulding

Fragile by Kygo ft. Labrinth

Feel Your Love by Nyquill

I See You by MISSIO

Learn To Let Go by Kesha

Praying by Kesha

I Love My Life by Justice Crew

Sex by Cheat Codes x Kris Kross Amsterdam

Everlong by Foo Fighters

Party Like It’s Your Birthday by Studio Killers

The Disappearance of The Girl by Phildel

Soul On Fire by Mystery Skulls

we’ve never met but, can we have coffee or something? by in love with a ghost

What is Love? by Y//2//K & Yung Death Ray ft. Jaymes Young

A Manner to Act by Ra Ra Riot

Suckers by Ra Ra Riot

Do You Remember by Ra Ra Riot

You And I Know by Ra Ra Riot

Oh, La by Ra Ra Riot

Can You Tell by Ra Ra Riot

Consequence by The Notwist

Anyone Else by PVRIS

Dead Weight by PVRIS

Can You Hold Me by NF ft. Britt Nicole

Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John

No Fear by Dej Loaf

I’ve Been Waiting by Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen ft. Fall Out Boy

Give U Up by CALVIN (I’m sorry in advance for this one)

Heartbeat by Scouting For Girls

Keep It Simple by Tove Lo

Sweettalk My Heart by Tove Lo

Glad He’s Gone by Tove Lo

Not On Drugs by Tove Lo

Got Love by Tove Lo

Crave by Tove Lo

Paradise by Tove Lo

Moments by Tove Lo

Talking Body by Tove Lo

Habits (Stay High) by Tove Lo

Scars by Tove Lo

Out Of Your Mind by Tove Lo

Vibes by Tove Lo

Lies In The Dark by Tove Lo

Come Undone by Tove Lo

dont ask dont tell by Tove Lo

Cherry Blossom by ALA.NI

Feels Like Home by The Him ft. Son Mieux

Quiet by Lights

Skydiving by Lights

365 by Zedd & Katy Perry

Left to Right by Marteen

Could You Love Me? by Black Saint

Midnight City by M83

Marble Soda by Shawn Wasabi

Crystal Dolphin by Engelwood

Pusher (Shawn Wasabi Remix) by Clear ft. Mothica

She’s A Riot by The Jungle Giants

Stranger by Jay Hayden & King Vodka

Now That I’ve Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen

Marty McFly by Luke Christopher

Rocks by Imagine Dragons

All Day And Night by Jax Jones ft. Madison Beer & Martin Solveig

Run Free by Deep Chills ft. IVIE

Maps by Maroon 5

Feelings by Maroon 5

blue by Pools

High Hopes (The Lucifer Edit) by Quails

breathin’ by Ariana Grande

Into You by Ariana Grande

Shy Girl by Kedam

Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club

What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club

Sleep Alone by Two Door Cinema Club

This Is The Life by Two Door Cinema Club

Do You Want It All? by Two Door Cinema Club

Sun by Two Door Cinema Club

Eat That Up, It’s Good For You by Two Door Cinema Club

Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club

Sunflower by Post Malone & Swan Lee

Señorita by Shawn Medes & Camila Cabello

Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

Everybody’s Angel by Down With Webster

All Fall Down by OneRepublic

Counting Stars by OneRepublic

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T by Fall Out Boy

Jenny by Walk The Moon

Youth by Daughter

Get Lucky (Cover) by Daughter

Love by Daughter

River Flows In You by Yiruma

Girls And Boys In School by Neon Trees

Girls And Boys In School (EP Version) by Neon Trees

Helpless by Neon Trees

In The Next Room by Neon Trees

Beings by Madeon

Dried-Out Cities by Fallulah

Bloodline by Fallulah

Almost Home by Mariah Carey

Headlock by Imogen Heap

Closing In by Imogen Heap

Lifeline by Imogen Heap

Goodnight And Go by Imogen Heap

First Train Home by Imogen Heap

I Am In Love With You by Imogen Heap

The Walk by Imogen Heap

More by Kaskade & Felix Cartal ft. Jenn Blosil

Lay Down by Kaskade & Late Night Alumni

My Distance by Kaskade

Lessons In Love by Kaskade ft. Neon Trees

Kill The Lights (Audien Remix) by Alex Newell ft. DJ Cassidy, Nile Rogers, & Jess Glynne

Fall In Love/Lie by INNA

Cola Song by INNA

Caliente by INNA

Iguana by INNA

Ruleta by INNA ft. Erik

I Like You by INNA

Love by INNA

Shining Star by INNA

Bebe by INNA

Bebe (Yaniss Extended Remix) by INNA

Better Not by Louis The Child ft. Wafia

Living Island by Pogo

Still Into You by Paramore

Hard Times by Paramore

Emergency by Paramore

Ignorance by Paramore

I Caught Myself by Paramore

Letting Go by HERB x Kendall Miles

To Be Human by Sia ft. Labrinth

Big Girls Cry (ODESZA Remix) by Sia

Elastic Heart by Sia

Angel By The Wings by Sia

If You Didn’t See Me (Then You Weren’t On The Dancefloor) by Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

Butterfly In The Still by Iwasaki Taku

Dare (La La La) by Shakira

Me Enamore by Shakira

Loca by Shakira ft. Dizzee Rascal

Te Aviso, Te Anuncio (Tango) by Shakira

Addicted To You by Shakira

Whenever, Wherever by Shakira

When A Woman by Shakira

Can’t Remember To Forget You by Shakira ft. Rihanna

Better Than Yesterday by HollySiz

This is What You Came For by Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna

Sweet Nothing by Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

Rain by Pueblo Vista ft. .Eehlou & Shiloh Dynasty

G.B.D. Pressure (Extended) by Chillster

Valentine by Aether ft. Veela

Lemme See by Usher ft. Rick Ross

Promises by Aly & AJ

Like Whoa by Aly & AJ

Silence by Aly & AJ

Find A Way by Safety Suit

Ordinary Day by Emilie Mover

Green Light by Lorde

Don’t Feel Like Crying (MK Remix) by Sigrid

Crazy in Love by EDEN ft. Leah Kelly

Broken Girl by Matthew West

Crazy in Love by Sofia Karlberg

This Is What Makes Us Girls (The Confect Remix) by Lana del Rey

1901 by Phoenix

Lisztomania by Phoenix

Please Don’t Touch by RAYE

Island In The Sun by Weezer

God Is A Dancer by Tiesto & Mabel

Tighten Up by The Black Keys

Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups

Don’t Play by Halsey

Bad At Love by Halsey

Young God by Halsey

Now Or Never by Halsey

Hurricane by Halsey

Drive by Halsey

Eyes Closed by Halsey

Eyes Closed (Stripped) by Halsey

Haunting by Halsey

Strangers by Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui

100 Letters by Halsey

Ghost by Halsey

Break A Sweat by Becky G

Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men

I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red

Run by Alison Wonderland

I Want U by Alison Wonderland

Peace by Alison Wonderland

Peace (Acoustic) by Alison Wonderland

Dead To Me by Kali Uchis

Good Enough by Evanescence

Go Slow by Gorgon City & Kaskade ft. Romeo

Feel Good Inc by filous & LissA

All I Need by Within Temptation

A Lot Like Love (Oliver Heldens Edit) by The Voyagers ft. Haris

Hideaway by Kiesza

Memories by KSHMR ft. Sirah

American Sadness by XYLO

One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks

Your Shirt by Chelsea Cutler

Hope Of Morning by Icon For Hire

Collect Call by Metric

Flowers On The Grave (Acoustic) by The Maine

Fabulous by Ally Brooke

Falling (blackbear Remix) by Trevor Daniel

You by Petit Biscuit

Unlove You (Drop G Remix) by Armin van Burren ft. Ne-Yo

Formation (R-TRAX Trap Remix) by Beyonce

Schoolin’ Life by Beyonce

Simmer by Hayley Williams

Ruby by Foster The People

Moral Of The Story by Ashe

Colorblind (Left/Right Remix) by Karma Fields ft. Tove Lo

Don’t Stop The Music by Jamie Cullum

Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant

Don’t Stop the Fancy Footwork (Chromeo vs. Rihanna)

She Wolf (Falling To Pieces) by David Guetta ft. Sia

Slow Burn by Audiograf

Write My Story by Olly Anna

1 Thing by Amerie

I Like That by Janelle Monae

Your Favorite Place by Joey Pecoraro

Beauty Mark by Parov Stelar ft. Anduze

Dead Hearts by Stars

Change of Seasons (EP Version) by Sweet Thing

Larger Than Life by Pink Zebra ft. Benji Jackson

Are You With Me (Pretty Pink Remix) by Lost Frequencies

Nothing But by Skin

In Common (Kenny Dope Remix) by Alicia Keys

Resonance by HOME

All Stars by Martin Solveig ft. ALMA

Lavender’s Blue Dilly Dilly [From the Cinderella (2015) OST]

Besame Mucho by Jorge Blanco

Touch You Right Now by Basic Element

Dinero by Trinidad

Icon (Reggaeton Remix) by Jaden Smith ft. Nicky Jam & Will Smith

Make Me Sweat by Kat DeLuna

Sombredosis by Kat DeLuna ft. El Cata

Real Love by Memory Tapes

Feelings by Hayley Kiyoko

This Side Of Paradise by Hayley Kiyoko

Wanna Be Missed by Hayley Kiyoko

Gravel To Tempo by Hayley Kiyoko

Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko

Fiesta (Remix) by Bombe Estereo ft. Will Smith

Love by TeZATalks

Had by TeZATalks

Heal by Loreen

Analyser by AlunaGeorge

Attracting Flies by AlunaGeorge

Damaged by Plummet

My Kind by Hilary Duff

Sparks by Hilary Duff

Talk by DJ Snake ft. George Maple

First summer without you by Outgoing Hikikomori

First birthday without you by Outgoing Hikikomori

2 Heads by Coleman Hell

Mathematics by Little Boots

Hearts Collide by Little Boots

Meddle by Little Boots

Parachute by Cheryl Cole

When she went away by Max Richter

When she came back by Max Richter

Who Knew by Pink

Lash Out by Alice Merton

Back To The Start by Mr. Little Jeans

Perfecto. by Ayo. & .Disfnk ft. Daniela Andrade

service by j^p^n

I’m In Love Again by tomppabeats

Close by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo

Falling Apart by Michael Schulte

Dusk ‘Til Dawn by ZAYN ft. Sia

Pillowtalk by ZAYN

Minimal Beat by Lindsey Stirling

Perfect Illusion by Lady Gaga

Do I Wanna Know? (Cover) by CHVRCHES

La Familia (Guy Sigsworth Remix) by Mirah

Broken Parts by The Ready Set & Mokita

Invisible Chains by Lauren Jauregui

Lonely Gun by CYN

Cartier by Dopebwoy ft. 3robi & Chivv

Boss Bitch by Doja Cat

[sapphichalo]

okay artists: one dee, hayley kiyoko, halsey, wallows, olivia o’brien (i went to high school with her), and king princess; albums: golden hour, fine line, folklore, and calm if u listen to 5sos (i cant rmbr fjcjcj); songs: the less i know the better by tame impala, heaven falls/fall on me by surfaces, pink + white by frank ocean, crzy by kehlani, and dang! by mac miller

This is literally gonna take me like 20 min but thank you darling!

One Direction

Favourite song: Top 3 are IICF, Home, and What A Feeling

Least favourite song: Gotta Be You, Na Na Na, Love You Goodbye, according to that sorting thing

Favourite album: MITAM or Four i cant decide

Least favourite album: Up All Night in terms of actually being good, but I think my actual least favourite is Midnight Memories cause UAN is full of bops

Song that got me into them: WMYB babey, ive been around from the start

Seen Live?: Yes Ma’am, the Take Me Home tour in Auckland

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Im gonna put everything else under the break cause this bitch is gonna be long

Hayley Kiyoko

Favourite song: Cliffs Edge currently, its so gooood

Least favourite song: honestly dont listen to alllll of her stuff so i dont have one

Favourite album: Expectations

Least Favourite album: I also havent listened to Im too sensitive for this shit yet, so thats on the to do list

Song that got me into them?: uhhhh I think it was girls like girls

Seen live?: Sadly no :((

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Halsey (I like her stuff but i dont know much of it yet)

Favourite song: Finally // Beautiful Stranger or You Should Be Sad

Least favourite song: I dont really have one!

Favourite album: Maniac I think

Least favourite album: dont have one

Song that got me into them: New Americana or Colors

Seen Live?: Not yet!

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Wallows 

Hadnt heard of them!

First song youtube took me to: OK

First impression: surprised that dude is in a band, long song intro, like their sound

Do I like it?: Yeah!

Would I listen to them more?: Definitely!!

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Olivia O’Brian 

Hadnt heard of her either but shes hot

First song youtube took me to: Just A Boy

First impression: Hot, Dua Lipa vibes, into it

Do I like it?: very much so

Would I listen to them more? absolutely

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

King Princess (Would die for her)

Favourite song: has to be Talia, but also her Happy Together cover is so fucking good, and also Holy

Least favourite song: dont have oneeee

Favourite album: Cheap Queen

Least favourite album: dont have oneeee again

Song that got me into them: Pussy Is God, such a good song

Seen live?: No, but I deserve to

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Golden Hour (I fuck hard with this album)

Opinion on cover design: Stunning, she looks amazing, couldve had more yellow, 9/10

Favourite song: Slow Burn or Space Cowboy

Least Favourite song: Lonely Weekend, I dont love how it starts which makes it hard for me to listen to 

Underrated track: Happy & Sad

Overrated track: I dont think there is one, theyre all such lovely songs

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Fine Line (I think this might be my all time favourite album)

Opinion on cover design: Love, wish harry was a lil closer, and also I kinda wish it wasnt black around the outside, idk why 8/10

Favourite song: Fine Line, then She, then Golden

Least Favourite: TPWK, Cherry, and Falling, but I love all three of them, thats just how theyve been ranked

Underrated Track: Canyon Moon - hes so happy and it makes me cryyyyy

Overrated Track: I would say Falling, its still so good but the hets really got hold of it 

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Folklore (wasnt planning on listening to it but I did for you)

ok first thots, i like the 1, I also like that shes swearing, thats fun. looks like this album is pretty gay, idk

Opinion on cover design: artsy, simple, into it, 8/10

Favourite song: i have only listened to two so far but im enjoying both of them

Least favourite song: cant say yet, i heard a bit of seven and didnt love it but ill let you know

Cant say for overrated and underrated yet

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 but this is based off of three songs

CALM (would also die for this album)

Opinion on cover design: Big fan, love the grungy vibes, they all look beautiful, 9/10

Favourite song: No Shame and Lover of Mine

Least favourite song: Best Years

Underrated Track: High

Overrated Track: I think they all deserve the hype

 Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Heaven Falls / Fall on Me - Surfaces (this was a good rec, thanks babe)

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Pink + White - Frank Ocean

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words this song is so fucking good oh mmy god

CRZY - Kehlani

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Dang! - Mac Miller

 couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

In Your Eyes

Pairing: Teen!Sam x Teen!reader Word Count: 2.3k Warnings: TW!:implied sexual assault (not from sam obviously), not too descriptive but brief descriptions of a  panic attack (nothing graphic), angst, insecure!reader, fluff. A/N: HUGE thanks to @thing-you-do-with-that-thing for beta’ing this for me and saving a whole lot of this and for generally being amazing. This is for @impala-dreamer  ‘s Title Challenge (my prompt can be sen above lol) Thaks for letting me participate, that was a brilliant idea!

Honest feedback is welcome as long as it’s kind and justified!

Masterlist | Join My Taglist :D

The Outfit: https://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=231947130

You were so shocked and you couldn’t decide if that was a good or a bad thing. 

Sam had kissed your cheek.

Your stomach imploded with butterflies and you think you smiled gently, but the battle between your heart and your mind confused you beyond comprehension You walked away, the laces of your boots scraping the cracked pavement, up onto your porch. You waved at him -he waved back-, in a daze before entering the house and closing the door behind you.

You sprinted to your bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind you. Your movements slowed, but your breath didn’t. You were panting. Your bra was squeezing your diaphragm and it felt like something was lodged in your throat. Your fingers trembled and though you were not claustrophobic, suddenly the walls of your room started closing in on you

Shit.

Mundane tasks. Mundane tasks are good, you decided. You’re fine, you’re okay, you reminded yourself. Distractions. You moved to your drawers and stripped, changing to your coziest pajamas. Your breathing eased up a little.

Self care. Self care is also good. Feet padding with light thumps against your scratchy carpet, you walked into your bathroom, avoiding your gaze through the mirror. The cold water was refreshing as it splashed against your eyes and trickled down your neck, the simple task of washing your face proving to be rather helpful. You walked back to your room, made your bed, grabbed your phone and laid under your covers. Thankfully you had showered before your date with Sam, so you didn’t have to bother now.

Plugging your earphones in your ears and pressing play on the first song you could find, you fell back, resting your head on the pillow. Your breathing had slowed, and doomsday felt further away than it did ten minutes earlier.

After you had calmed down and your bursting emotions had subsided, the events of the night caught up to you.

Okay, so, color yourself confused. Sam was an incredible boy. An actual ray of sunshine from your art class, whose smile shone brighter than the sun mid-August in California. He was kind, sweet, optimistic, hopeful, brave, encouraging, and basically everything your seventeen-year-old self could ever ask for, really. You trusted him, honestly, genuinely and didn’t think twice about it. So why, did you just have a panic attack because he kissed your cheek?

You wanted this. You knew you wanted this! Your heart nearly jumped to your throat at his mere presence. Your stomach felt like it was floating. His company, your shared thoughts and the conversations that never failed to surprise you at how easy he made them flow, everything was perfect. You thought you were over what had happened? What was holding you back?

It felt like a barrier prohibited you from taking the leap of faith.

Sleep was soon to overcome you, stray tears drying on your cheeks.

You woke up at the asscrack of dawn, heavy rays of yellow, pink and fiery orange peeking through your blinds. You groaned and rolled over, nose deep in your warm duvet. Puffy eyelids didn’t help your situation as you tried to open them. It was Monday. Crap.

Sam’s soft lips against your cheek popped up in your head and yet again, your heart leapt to your throat while your stomach twisted in an uncomfortable knot.

You hated this. You hated yourself.

Deciding to text him, you picked up your phone and paused the music that had been playing non-stop since last night. You were surprised it didn’t run out of battery.

Mornin’ handsome :)

An involuntary smile spread across your lips but your stomach kept twisting. You needed to talk to him about this.

Hm, good mornin indeed :)

Why are you awake so early?

I could ask you the same

Fair enough

You figured beating around the bush would get you nowhere. You were awake, he was awake and you had two hours until you had to go to school. Might as well get this bunch of crap over with.

Hey Sam?

We should ta-

Backspace. God no. That’s the worst phrasing possible, he’ll think he did something wrong. Lord knows that boy does everything right.

Can I talk to yo-

Hell no. What if he says he can’t? Or doesn’t want to? You needed to show him that this is important

Hm?

He replies to the first message. It’s now or never. You take a deep breath

I need to talk to you about something

You press send before you can think too much about it.

Is everything alright?

Yeah everything’s okay

It’s just

Do you wanna go grab breakfast? Tell me then?

That’d be perfect

Thank you Sam :)

It’s no problem :) I’ll be there in twenty k?

Okay

You rushed, washing your face and brushing your hair. You stripped and pulled on a pair of dark jeans, a khaki undershirt, Sam’s dark red plaid flannel, the one you had stolen last week, and a soft, cotton, grey scarf. You pulled on a jacket and tied everything up with your hiking boots. Shoving your phone into your back pocket, and throwing your black school backpack over your shoulder.You let your hair down, no use in trying to tame it, anyways. Finishing, you made it just in time for your phone to buzz

I’m here

You bounced down the stairs quietly, stomach twisting, heart pounding. You could do this. You could do this. All you needed was to be honest with him.

Trembling fingers reached for the doorknob. Pulling the door open, you were met with Sam’s mile-long form leaning against the wall. You stepped outside, closing up behind you. His eyes looked up at you and as soon as they saw you, a big smile spread across his lips. He pushed himself up straight, hands buried deep in his jacket pockets.

“Hey” He said happily.You felt your heart in your throat.

“Hi” your fingers pulled at the sleeves of his flannel nervously, as if you were trying to secure yourself from the freezing bite of the December breeze. Through your lashes, you observed his simple outfit that was just so Sam and you smiled.

He walked towards you, standing just a foot away from you. He offered his hand, leaning towards you with gentle eyes as if he’s acknowledging your anxiety and nervousness and, at the same time, reassuring you you don’t need to take that step. It was like he knew what he was about to walk into, like he knew your story. Just for that, the knot in your stomach eased up a little and your already freezing fingers reached for his and entangled themselves together. You smiled up at him, hoping he could see the gratitude in your eyes.

“You look beautiful,” He said quietly. “Knew that flannel would look better on you.” Your cold cheeks heated up in a dark red color and you were sure you looked kinda like a dumb onion, but it’s okay because he thinks you’re beautiful and nothing makes you happier.

“You’ve obviously never seen yourself in it, then.”

Your eyes met his for the first time. He huffed a grin and squeezed your fingers, letting your entangled hands hang by your sides.

“Shall we?” He motioned to the road.You nodded with a smile.

“We shall”

The coffee cup is burning your fingers deliciously, battling with your cold skin. Steam rises from the cup, and you glance down at it, willing yourself to form words and fill the silence, to tell him why you made him get breakfast with you at five in the friggin’ morning. But your brain is simply not letting up.

Sam, observant as always, can see your struggle. He can see your fidgeting fingers and your hesitation and the battle you are having with your mind and he can tell what you’re about to unload is no walk in the park. He doesn’t know how to ease your mind and dammit, he hates himself for it. So he does the next best thing he can think of. He stretches his hand across the table, laying it palm up. A simple offer, an offer of physical support, because he apparently can do nothing verbally.

You look up at him, at his lips that are currently pursed in an awkward, reassuring smile, whose right corner is higher than the left one, forming a dimple, and then look at his hand. Your shoulders slacken. Why are you so afraid? This is Sam. He won’t judge, he’ll wait, he’ll listen carefully and patiently. He’ll be respectful and kind, as always. But still. It’s no less hard.

You took his hand. But that’s not what made you start talking.

It was his eyes.

Gentle and kind as always, -I mean, what else did you expect?-, green, blue and brown, all at the same time, big, doe-like and coaxing. Downright intense, so intense you wanted to look away. Or never look away, you couldn’t decide.

Those eyes? They captured his soul, you were sure of it.

You teared up.

“Dammit, I haven’t even started yet” you laugh at yourself sadly, looking back down at your cup.

Sam tried to move to sit next to you, probably hug you but you stopped him “Sam, trust me, if you sit next to me I won’t be able to speak a word.”

He sits back down, a confused puppy look in his eyes. “I don’t think you understand the extent to which you mess with my head” You mutter, falling back in your seat and wipe your eyes with your free hand. His eyebrows twitch upwards in surprise, but he makes no move to comment on it. You want to say you regret letting that sentence fall from your lips but, well, you don’t. If all goes well, if he’s still here after this, you bet he’ll bring it up.

“Okay, look” You sniffle and square your shoulders. “I like you Sam, God, I like you so much. You mean so much to me and I trust you with all my heart, I do.” He’s silent, eyes wide and curious. “But there’s things about me you need to know before you… dive into me.” He squeezes your hand, urging you to continue.

“I’m-I-” You think about how you’re going to start this. “When-I” You sigh in frustration because for the love of God, you need to pull yourself together. You need to start, that’s all. Start and everything will come tumbling out, you know this.

“Take your time” He rasps and clears his throat right afterward. You take a deep breath and look at the table, sure that if you look straight at him, if you meet his eyes, you won’t be able to form coherent thoughts, nevermind sentences.

“I’m scared.” you inhale deeply, yet again. “I’m- Gosh, I’m really fucking scared, Sam. I- I haven’t had the best experience with people a-and last time I trusted someone I was royally screwed over, so me telling you I trust you and genuinely meaning it is no walk in the park.” You let the breath you were holding, out. “Everytime something new happens between us, yesterday, for example, my mind goes haywire and while I know being with you will make me happy, hell, my heartbeat can be the judge of that, my stomach twists up and it sucks! It sucks that, because of one fucking person, I’m holding you back, I’m holding both of us back, and I’m being dramatic here, but I- I want- I need–” Your breathing is about to spiral out of control, you’re rambling and panicking and-

“Y/n- Y/n!” Sam stops you, hand squeezing yours. “Calm down” he smiles in adoration, concern still coloring his eyes. “You’re not being dramatic,” he states simply “something shitty happened to you, you’re scared, you’re stressed and I probably rushed it last night, I -”

“But that’s the thing, you didn’t!” you laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “You’ve been perfect! I- I just- I guess what I’m saying is-” just fucking say it!

“I’m sorry.” Impregnated silence falls over both of you. “I-I’m- I need-” you pause and swallow.

“I’m going to be a pain in the ass.” You finally look at him straight in the eyes.

“I’m going to walk slowly into this, and freak out randomly and hide and push you away. I’m going to be hard work and warming up to the idea of opening up, in every sense of the phrase, will not be easy.”

His eyebrows are halfway up his forehead. He realizes, just then, this is not just about you. You’re not saying all this just because you want to get it out of your chest. You’re giving him a chance to back out. A chance to get away from you, to run, to cower away. And you seem so understanding about it. As if you think you’re a burden and you don’t want to weigh him down.

“Y/n-” He lets out a small laugh. “I’m not going away” His other hand carefully wraps itself around yours, both of his hands now holding one of your own. “We’ll go slow. I’ll wait for you as long as you want, anything you don’t want happening, won’t happen. There’s no rush” He smiles “You can tell me to fuck off whenever you want, you have every right to, and I will back away, I promise you. But I won’t stop fighting for you, I won’t run.” He squeezes your hand. “You’re not a burden, Y/n. You’re not damaged, you’re not trash.” He pauses after a short shake of his head, waits for you to meet his gaze. “You’re worth it”

And you can see in his eyes that he means every single word.

Taglist:

@deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @deanssweetheart23 @easelweasel @nostalgic-uncertainty @twentyoneredsocks @dancerwithapen @mogaruke @superseejay721517 @blackcherrywhiskey   @super-nerd-atural @andi-winchester @lady-hawkguy @thosefeelsarereal

[lightfortoday]

Clouds!

hey sweet pea!!! thank you for the ask and merry christmas!! xx 💕

clouds: list your top 5 songs at the moment and how they make you feel 

(i’m putting this answer under the cut because it’s a bit long)

1. sweet creature by harry styles makes me feel warm and sweet and full of love!! it has beautiful melodies with blackbird chords and I always imagine the beatles’ foot-tapping while I listen, it’s such a peaceful, floaty song with amazing vocals and if i was in love and able to sing i’d want to serenade them with this. it’s like petals falling through air. 💕💕💕

2. you’re still a mystery by bleachers is a great running song with awesome rhythm and a bit of an 80s sound, but it fills me with anticipation!! normally, when a romantic interest is ambiguous it might be stressful but this song is so optimistic and excited by the intrigue, like hey this isn’t perfectly clear but I want it and I know it’ll be great regardless!! it’s a very grateful and forgiving song and like I said, I love the rhythm.

3. miss you by louis tomlinson makes me feel bittersweet nostalgia and some pain, because while it has a punky, electric side it also has beautiful, molten-butter violins that chime in with the pre-chorus that make the message of the song so piercing. you can’t escape the void that someone leaves when you’re missing them, despite being in otherwise fun, happy circumstances. it’s such a brutally real song while still being a bop with clever production!!!!

4. smoke signals by phoebe bridgers is a sad one, her lyrics are poetry and weave stories with such fluid pieces of information, the vocal layering is so soft that sometimes I fall asleep to it. it makes me feel like i’m sitting on a grey sandy beach in the early morning, when the fog hasn’t lifted and only a few silent figures are walking the coast, and i’m cold and uncomfortable but something about the waves just keeps me sitting there, thinking about the past.

5. the less i know the better by tame impala!!!!! who doesn’t know this dorky groove of a tune? the bass riff is such a hook and every time this comes on I have to dance and throw the lamest shapes around. I love getting ready to this song, especially if I’m wearing a real fun or wacky outfit. Makes me feel like I’m in an 80s funk sort of club and everyone’s just going for it, doing the robot or whatever.

[benjaminjamestaylor]

My Top 10 Albums of 2019

Here we are again: my usual end-of-year ritual of returning to this blog and talking about my favourite albums of the past year. It's more of a self-fulfilling activity than one intended to be widely read, but if you're reading this then... thanks!

At the start of the year, I was sure that my favourite album of 2019 would come from either Vampire Weekend or Tame Impala - the two upcoming releases that seemed destined to be brilliant. For different reasons, neither even made my top five, with the likes of Foals, Bon Iver, James Blake, Solange, Nick Cave, and the Mercury Prize-winning Dave also missing out on the top ten.

Let's get to the ones that made it...

10. Helado Negro - This Is How You Smile

I'll confess to not having heard of Helado Negro before this year, despite this being his sixth full-length album. Real name Roberto Carlos Lange, he grew up the son of Ecuadorian immigrants in South Florida - an upbringing that is inextricable from his sound and lyrics. TIHYS is simply beautiful to listen to; awash with delicate vibraphones and strings, and accented by Lange’s soft, humming vocals. He switches between English and Spanish regularly, and the album flows like a film soundtrack, giving you a glimpse into the life of Hispanics in the American South.

Highlights: ‘Please Won’t Please’, ‘Running’, ‘Pais Nublado’.

9. Big Thief - Two Hands

If you asked me to name my artist of the year, it would be Big Thief and truthfully it’s not even close. Two Hands was the second outstanding record the band released this year (more on the first later) and saw them return to the crunchy indie rock of their earlier work. It’s not often that an album this good is only the second best thing a band produces that year, and in some ways there are greater individual tracks here (’Not’, ‘Forgotten Eyes’) than on their previous album. There might not be a more in-form rock band in the world right now.

Highlights: ‘Not’, ‘Forgotten Eyes’, ‘Two Hands’.

8. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride

All the build up to this album suggested it would be an all-time classic. The lead singles were all brilliant, and everyone seemed convinced they would be just the tip of the iceberg. In a way they were right - tracks like ‘Unbearably White’ and ‘Bambina’ combined all the beauty and bite that VW have become known for. But there’s a lot of filler amongst the gold here; it’s 18 tracks, inside of which is hiding a really excellent 10-track album. It’s still one of my favourites of the year, but somewhat frustrating that Koenig and co. got in their way in its structure and release.

Highlights: ‘Harmony Hall’, ‘This Life’, ‘Unbearably White’.

7. Clairo - Immunity

Claire Cottrill, better known as Clairo, has been on the radar of young music fans for a couple of years already; a bedroom YouTube sensation since her 2017 self-release ‘Pretty Girl’ garnered more than 40 million views on the platform. For her debut LP Immunity, she enlisted the help of producer Rostam Batmanglij, formerly of Vampire Weekend. As such, the album features a much more polished, studio sound than the lo-fi pop of her viral videos. But on tracks like opener ‘Alewife’, a brave song detailing Cottrill’s suicide attempt and the friend that thwarted it, the production takes her sound to the next level. The album tails off towards the end, keeping it out of my top five. But there’s no doubt that Clairo has truly arrived as an indie pop star.

Highlights: ‘Alewife’, ‘Bags’, ‘Sofia’.

6. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell

This one has topped a few lists I’ve seen and while I think that’s a little too generous, there’s no doubt it represents LDR at her absolute peak. Lana’s style hasn’t changed dramatically since she broke through in 2011 with ‘Video Games’. But the significance of her songs’ subject matter and their arrangement certainly has. She has reached a point in her career where she’s confident enough to include the 10 minute-long epic ‘Venice Bitch’ alongside her always-captivating piano ballads. She takes digs at Trump on the opener and title track, before exploring her own mental health and success as an artist on tracks like ‘Mariner’s Apartment Complex’ and ‘The Next Best American Record’. She’s some songwriter, and this is her at her best.

Highlights: ‘Venice Bitch’, ‘Mariner’s Apartment Complex’, ‘The Greatest’.

5. Big Thief - U.F.O.F.

I’ve written about Big Thief’s prolific year earlier in this post, so I’ll try to avoid repeating myself. As good as Two Hands is, U.F.O.F. feels like the band have found their final form. From the moment a minute from the end of opener ‘Contact’ when a scream pierces the soft, folky tune, it’s clear that the band have kept the fine indie rock elements of their sound and blended them with their newer, folk aesthetic. There’s everything you could want from an indie folk album here: acoustic ballads (’Orange’), soft rock gems (’Open Desert’) and upbeat foot-tappers (’Strange’). And on top of these sit Adrianne Lenker’s unique, fluttering vocals and a production that gives the whole record an amazing warmth.

Highlights: ‘Cattails’, ‘Strange’, ‘Jenni’.

4. Sharon Van Etten - Remind Me Tomorrow

SVE has been threatening to release an album like this for years. Her previous album, 2014′s Are We There, was critically acclaimed and featured her finest individual tracks to date. In the five years since, she’s taken a step back from making albums and turned to scoring films instead. She also became a mother. All this has led to an album that fizzes with a sort of production she’s not used before, and a series of emotional, honest songs that paint of picture of a woman in a peaceful moment of her life - having previously experienced much turmoil. It’s an album that relies more on the piano than the guitar, and yet has produced the finest rock anthem of the year in the sublime ‘Seventeen’.

Highlights: ‘Comeback Kid’, ‘Stay’, ‘Seventeen’.

3. Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising

Another female singer-songwriter that has been on the scene for a while but is finally putting all the pieces together. Natalie Mering’s fourth album is undoubtedly her best; a soaring ode to life, death, and the universe. She sings about the stars on ‘Andromeda’, departed friends on the heartbreaking ‘Picture Me Better’, and movies on... ahem... ‘Movies’. It’s an ambitious array of subject matter, but it’s tied together by an echoey, dreamy production that makes listening to it feel like you’re floating in space (or under water, as the cover art suggests). The arrangements are stunning too, with focus given to Mering’s vocal harmonies and competing slide guitars alongside the ever-present synths. 

Highlights: ‘Andromeda’, ‘Something to Believe’, ‘Wild Time’.

2. FKA twigs - Magdalene

It’s been an extraordinary year for female singer-songwriters (seven of my top ten fall into this category) and Twigs might be the best of the bunch. It’s been five years since she broke onto the scene with ‘Two Weeks’ and her Mercury Prize-nominated debut album, and in this time she’s released another stellar EP and experienced a high-profile relationship with actor Robert Pattinson. Her style remains much the same, though still utterly unique in the music world, and is still both a joy and a challenge to listen to. On Magdalene, she’s enlisted the help of a host of producers and DJs including Nicolas Jaar and Skrillex to create a record full of electronic beats that dance alongside her breathy, ethereal vocals and delicate piano melodies. The results are, in a word, magnificent.

Highlights: ‘Sad Day’, ‘Mirrored Heart’, ‘Cellophane’.

1. Michael Kiwanuka - KIWANUKA

I had a hard time separating the top two this year, but I’ve gone with KIWANUKA. Michael Kiwanuka was tipped for greatness from day one, when he emerged as a shy folk singer in 2012. His sophomore record, Love & Hate, saw an eye-opening expansion in his sound, and it’s this sound that he’s polished and perfected on his latest effort. Where Love & Hate was sprawling, almost uncontrolled and teeming with ambitious experimentation, KIWANUKA is both expansive and measured. Tracks flow into each other, straddled with newsreel clippings and interludes that inform the wider themes of race and self-purpose. Kiwanuka seems to have realised his position as a successful, black, solo musician, and readily confronts this on songs like ‘Hero’. As an entire record, it’s the closest thing to Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On I can remember ever hearing, and I can’t give it a bigger compliment than that.

Highlights: ‘Hero’, ‘Final Days’, ‘Solid Ground’.

If you’re interested, you can listen to a playlist of my favourite songs of the year here. See you this time next year...

[hannahindie]

Freaky Friday: Part 1

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Reader, Becka (Ohhhh Becka lol) Word Count: 1,853 Warnings: Mention of insinuated sexy times, total confusion, and the misuse of both Gryffindor robes and a Zorro mask. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. A/N: I wrote this for @melissaj616‘s celebration challenge! My prompt was ‘body swap’. This is the first part of the series, so keep an eye out for updates. Beta’d by the always wonderful @trexrambling and @pinknerdpanda because they are the actual  best. Love youuuu. As always, tags are at the bottom, and if you find that you are missing or would like to be added, please let me know!

Dean’s POV

I'm dying. I'm actually dying. I don't remember what the hell happened last night, but mistakes were made. My eyes feel like someone held them open and poured sand into them, and I think I can actually hear my eyelids move when I blink. I can hear running water, and I remember that not all of last night was a mistake. A little 'hair of the dog' should do the trick if I can manage to pull my face off this pillow. Oh God, it's bright in here. Why is it so damn bright? The water turns off and I smile to myself. The good part of my night is about to walk through that bathroom door, and I'm going to turn my good night into a good morning. I watch as the bathroom door slowly opens and that is not the leggy blonde I went home with. It's Y/N. What the hell is she wearing, and why is she looking at me like that? Are those...are those Harry Potter robes?

She leans against the doorway and slowly slips her bare leg through the front slit of the robes. All I can manage to croak out is a quiet, “What?”

 “Mornin’, sleepyhead. Are you ready?” 

Ready for what? I'm about 99% sure I don't want to know what I'm supposed to be ready for. 

I clear my throat, “R-ready for what?” Stuttering is not normally a problem for me, but it's like my mouth forgets how to form words as I watch Y/N slip herself down the door frame like she's grinding a stripper pole. 

“Opening my Chamber of Secrets, big boy.” Y/N is slowly making her way towards the bed and, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little torn. It's not like I hadn’t thought about her like that when she first met up with us, but it's Y/N. I can't do this.

I sit up and scoot towards the far side of the bed, “Hold on there, Hermione, I’m not sure what brought this on, but let's just think about this for a minute.” She's smiling at me like she knows a secret, and I can tell my eyes are about as wide as they can get. 

“Oh, we’re going with Hermione? That’s fine, I thought we'd decided on Luna this time, but if you want to change it up, Hermione it is.” What the hell does she mean, this time? Now she's at the end of the bed, and from this angle I can tell she's not wearing a damn thing under those robes. Hmm. Maybe I could...dammit Dean, quit thinking with your dick. 

“Listen, I don't know what you're talking about-” 

Y/N climbs onto the bed and begins slowly crawling towards me, her eyes sparkling. I've seen that look, and if I don't move, I'm not going to have much of a choice in what happens next. “Don't you want to tame my whomping willow, Longbottom?” she says with a wink. Longbottom? How much did this woman have to drink? 

“Y/N, don't get me wrong, taming your whomping willow would be an excellent way to spend my morning, but I gotta be honest, I think you might still be drunk.” 

She pauses for a second as if contemplating why I might be brushing her off, but grins again, “Playing hard to get are we, Neville? Come on, make me scream like a mandrake, show me how good you are at catching that golden snitch.” She launches herself at me, and I shove backwards. My hands grab nothing but air and both of us fall off the bed and hit the floor hard. Holy shit, that hurt. Y/N is on top of me and...oh Jesus, the robe is open. There they are, her perfect, pale breasts are right there just begging to be licked or sucked or just touched. I feel a twitch down below and I practically throw her off of me.

“Nope. Nope nope nope. Not today, this is not...no.” I hurriedly gather up my clothes and shove my shoes on as I pull my t-shirt over my head, “I gotta go. I can't be in here right now.” 

Y/N is looking at me with big eyes, a look of equal parts confusion and hurt on her face, “Did I do something wrong? I don't understand...I thought that's what you wanted? It's not like that's the first time…”

I look at her, eyebrows raised, “First, when did something like that ever seem like something I'd want to do? And two, we've never done anything like that. Not even a little bit. You...I… this isn't a thing. I wasn’t even here last night.” She looks like she's about to cry, and I don't want to leave her but I need air. “I'll be back later.” I leave before she can answer and head toward where the Impala should be and stopping when I find the spot empty. Well, this isn't good. I'm standing there looking around like an idiot when I catch my reflection in the window of the room I'm standing in front of. The first thing I notice is the shirt I'm wearing only reaches my belly button. As my eyes travel up, I realize that I'm also somehow taller than before. That's when my eyes meet with my reflection’s, and I realize why I don't remember coming back here. 

It's because I'm not Dean, I'm Sam. 

Son of a bitch.

Sam’s POV

I have been woken up many ways over the years; gentle sunlight as shines in my eyes through dusty curtains, monsters punching me in the face, the soothing sounds of Asia over...and over...and over again (it stops being soothing after the hundredth day, I'll tell you that right now). But if you had asked me how I thought I'd wake up this morning…my answer would not have been by a swift smack across the face from some blonde chick wearing a Zorro mask. 

The first thing I notice, other than the burning sting across my cheek, is that my arms seem to be stuck. I can’t say that it’s uncomfortable, whatever has my arms held out is soft and smooth against my wrists, but I also can’t remember why I would be in this position to start with. The last thing I remember is being with Y/N at the hotel. I’m not going to say we don’t like to try new things in the bedroom, but I’m definitely not into getting smacked around, and I am pretty sure Y/N isn’t either. I��m afraid to open my eyes for a couple of reasons: First, nothing has ever ended well in a situation where I found myself tied up. Second, it’s possible that Y/N and I had more to drink than I thought and I’m not so sure I’m ready to confront that. Especially since she just smacked me in the face. 

I slowly open my eyes, expecting to see Y/N standing in front of me, and instead see an incredibly tall blonde girl wearing….is she wearing a Zorro mask? I must have given her a weird look because she smiles awkwardly and holds out her hands in a ‘like what you see?’ gesture. 

I raise an eyebrow, “What...who are you?” 

She puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head, “It's me, Becka.” 

Who the hell is Becka? “Right, Becka...whatcha doing?” 

“Well, I thought about what you said last night, about how we should embrace our wants even if they are a bit...unorthodox...and your request wasn't too weird so I thought we could experiment with both.” Last night? I was most definitely not with this girl last night...was I? Shit, Y/N is gonna kill me. 

I clear my throat, “Can you...umm...remind me exactly what I wanted that was so unorthodox?” 

Becka settles in on the edge of the bed and pats my cheek, emphasizing each word with a little smack, “Getting smacked during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask.” Nope, that is not a thing I want. Why does that sound so familiar? 

“Okay…what was your thing?” She smiles and my gaze follows hers down. You've got to be freaking kidding me. I am completely naked except for a flimsy pair of pink women’s underwear, and allow me to just point out that they do not cover anything. I'm not even sure they could be considered an item of clothing. “You just put these on me, without me knowing?” 

She gives me an exasperated look, “Were you seriously that drunk? You put those on willingly, don't you remember?” No, I don't fucking remember. I'm tied to a bed wearing women’s underwear while being smacked around by Zorro, and to my recollection, none of it was my idea. I look down again as I tug at my restraints. Something is wrong. I can't quite put my finger on what, but there is something more than just being in silky pink panties wrong with this whole picture. 

“Listen, Becky-”

“Becka.”

“Becka, I'm not sure how I ended up here, but I can guarantee I was not here last night. I was somewhere else, with a different woman. One that does not make me put on her underwear or smacks me in the face.”  I manage to get one wrist untied and start working on the other one, and Becka gets up and stomps across the room. 

“You certainly didn't seem to mind putting them on last night! Here, take your stupid mask back!” She throws the Zorro mask at me just as I get my other wrist untied and it hits me in the face. I throw it in the floor and start searching for my clothes as she storms around the room collecting her things. “Typical, this is just typical! Find someone who's in touch with their feminine side, someone that appreciates honesty and self confidence, and this is what happens. Such bullshit.” 

She storms toward the door and throws one last glare in my direction, “You can pay for this damn room too, asshole.” She slams the door shut and I'm left standing alone with my junk hanging out of some strange woman’s underwear. I know what my morning was supposed to have in store, and this is definitely not it. I still can't find my clothes, and when I finally find a boot sticking out from under the bed...it isn't my boot. What the hell? I look under the bed and find the other boot and my jeans. But they aren't my jeans. These are Dean’s clothes. What the hell? I slowly make my way to the bathroom and flip on the light. Shit.

 It isn't just Dean’s clothes that were left in this room last night. So was Dean, and as I stare at what should be me but is actually my brother, I can feel panic begin to tighten in my gut. What the HELL happened last night?

Continue to Part 2 HERE.

Forever Tags: @trexrambling @pinknerdpanda  @wheresthekillswitch @emilywritesaboutdean @arryn-nyxx @emptywithout @escabell @charliebradbury1104 @@jarpadandjensenaremyheroes  @deanssweetheart23  @canadianjelly @super-not-naturall @aubreyreadsstuff @dean-winchesters-baby

[letithappeneverafter]

Tame Impala’s Kevin Parker, from psych-rock stoner to disco infiltrator They may have brought psych rock to the masses, but Tame Impala’s new album channels the Bee Gees and Goan beach raves. Their frontman explains why…

It’s a few days before Glastonbury, and Kevin Parker – the 29-year-old Australian musical polymath behind Tame Impala – is in west London rehearsing for his appearance at the festival with Mark Ronson. Somewhat extravagantly, Ronson has hired out the entirety of the Hammersmith Apollo for the week as a practice room. Presumably he can afford it, though. “Have you ever heard of a little song called Uptown Funk?” jokes Parker.

While there have been odder musical pairings, at first glance it seems incongruous that Parker, a long-haired rocker who has the permanent air of a man wearing sandals, is working with a superproducer more associated with the clean-cut likes of Bruno Mars. It’s just one illustration of how far Parker’s home-produced records have taken him. “The scale that things happen on with Mark is about five levels above how we do it with Tame Impala,” says Parker.

For much of the last five years, Parker has been acclimatising to the shifts in scale that success brings. His acclaimed 2010 debut, Innerspeaker, ushered in a new wave of young psych rock bands such as Pond, Toy and Hookworms, and turned a whole new generation of fans on to the transcendental power of scuzzy, droning guitars. The follow-up, 2012’s Lonerism, gave Parker platinum album sales, award wins and a Grammy nomination. Psych obsessives the world over suddenly had a new anthem in Elephant, three-and-a-half minutes of throbbing riffs that brought joy to the hearts of Floyd and Zeppelin fans alike. Before long, Kendrick Lamar was rapping over a remix of his single Feels Like We Only Go Backwards and Parker was collaborating with his heroes the Flaming Lips.

When we sit down for a drink at a hotel near the Apollo, Parker is so laidback he’s in danger of falling off his chair. This might seem appropriate for a practitioner of woozy music, but less so for a guy noted for his obsessive perfectionism. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm. Lonerism earned Parker legions of new fans, from Ronson to the army of beards who’ll be wigging out when Tame Impala headline End Of The Road festival in September, but he’s about to ask them to follow him in an entirely new direction. His latest album, Currents, ditches the heavy wall of psych and Tomorrow Never Knows-style loops, and instead we get a collection of Michael Jackson-influenced disco. Parker denies his decision had anything to do with the genre’s Get Lucky-fuelled resurgence, or even his collaboration with Ronson. In his unflappably mellow manner, he puts it down to a more personal Damascene moment.

“I was in LA a few years ago and for some reason we’d taken mushrooms, it must have been the end of our tour,” he recalls. “I was coked up as well, and a friend was driving us around LA in this old sedan. He was playing the Bee Gees and it had the most profound emotional effect. I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it. I was listening to Staying Alive, a song I’ve heard all my life. At that moment it had this really emotive, melancholy feel to it. The beat felt overwhelmingly strong and, at that moment, it sounded pretty psychedelic. It moved me, and that’s what I always want out of psych music. I want it to transport me.”

You might think from that story, or indeed from listening to his records, that Parker spends the entire recording process tripping his nut off, locked in a shamanic embrace with his muse. However, while he regards people choosing to listen to Tame Impala under the influence as the highest compliment, he doesn’t take drugs to make music for people to take drugs to. “I’d be disappointed if I was sat there with no ideas and thought: ‘Hey, maybe if I get stoned I’ll have some ideas,’” he says. “I’d feel quite defeated. At the same time, sometimes if I’m smoking a spliff halfway through a recording session it makes things sound more potent. When I had the idea for some of my best songs I was stone-cold sober. Some of my best songs I thought of stoned and recorded stoned. There’s no correlation.”

While Innerspeaker and Lonerism lend themselves to contemplative stoner sessions, new songs such as The Moment and Disciples are more attuned to the dancefloor. Parker likes to picture Currents being played at sunrise at a Goan beach rave, or anywhere else where the music itself – and not a live band – is the audience’s focal point. Just as he blazed a trail by making psych cool again when it seemed passé, he’s confident that Tame Impala’s fans will follow him barefoot on to the sand.

Parker knew which musical direction he wanted to follow, but the lyrical content was more difficult. Parker had recently gone through a breakup with the French singer Melody Prochet of the group Melody’s Echo Chamber. His next album, he realised, would be the age-old tale of someone changing and drifting away from a relationship. Then he decided it would also be told from the perspective of the person doing the changing.

So on Currents we get songs with titles such as Let It Happen and Yes I’m Changing. Eventually is perhaps the fullest expression of the concept, though: a breakup song told from the side of the person who wants out. “I find there’s a lot of poetry, art and songs singing about the plight of someone with someone changing in front of them,” explains Parker. “It excited me to tell the story from the other side. Trying to explain that it’s not a bad thing, its just natural. Eventually is a song about someone who knows they’re about to damage someone. They’re not going to be the one experiencing the pain that’s dealt. They’re the one dealing it. Arguably, it’s just as emotionally crippling knowing that you’re gonna do that. It’s just as heavy. It’s just as torturous.”

While Parker insists the album is “completely” autobiographical, he says it’s not entirely fuelled by his most recent breakup. “It’s not necessarily about that one situation,” he says. “The inspiration to write a song comes to me when something has happened to me more than once. If it’s happened to me more than once, it’s probably happened to other people.”

It was the breakup with Prochet, however, that prompted Parker to return home to Perth from living in Paris. There, he created his “fantasy studio”, a place where he’s able to find the splendid isolation he needs to record. “It’s literally just me in a room,” he says. “I love to have everything within reach, so that it starts resembling a cockpit. I love to be able to put my hands on a keyboard, to have a guitar and a bass within reach, as well as all the effects. Then I just piece it together.”

Parker has gained his reputation as a perfectionist for good reason, and every time he makes an album there comes a point when his relationship with the record goes from idle flirtation to life-consuming obsession. “When I’ve got to finish an album in the next six months, then it’s all day, every day,” he says. “I wake up, listen to what I did the night before, then fiddle. At some point, life outside the studio fades into the distance. That’s how I know that I’m into it. If I was to stay level-headed and sane the whole time I’d probably be a bit disappointed because it would mean that I didn’t give my all; that the music wasn’t powerful enough to consume me.”

So now, with the record ostensibly finished, is he happy with it? “No!” he laughs. “There’s still things I’d change. I just have to set myself a deadline. I’ve never been 100% happy with anything at the time of doing it. You stop hearing things that people are going to hear the first time they hear it. You become deaf to the potency of a melody or a chord change and you’re just listening to how loud the hi-hat is.”

Listening to Parker talk about the struggle to capture the pristine music in his head recalls Iris Murdoch’s observation that every book is the wreck of a perfect idea. He laughs when I tell him. “That’s powerful,” he says. “I know exactly what that means.”

There must be personal cost to all this obsessiveness: relationships sacrificed, old friends left behind? “There is,” he admits, “but that’s the cost of being an artist. You sacrifice your normal life. You sacrifice that part of you to make better art. Songwriting has become such a big part of what I do that emotions and the melodies that accompany them blur into one.”

As he rallies those emotions and melodies in pursuit of the perfect sound, Parker is unconcerned about losing any hardcore fans who might have preferred him to just churn out another Lonerism.

“I don’t like the idea that I’m a one-trick pony, even if I am!” he says. “No matter what else I do, I have to make sure that Elephant isn’t Tame Impala’s biggest song anywhere”. By Kevin EG Perry | Saturday July 4 2015

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30th June 2019

The reason there wasn’t a top 20 ranking today is I have an unwritten rule that if there’s more than three debuts in the top 20, I’ll keep a surprise until I release the chart episode, and, yeah, it’s one of those weeks and I am more tired than I think I’ve ever been writing one of these episodes so if I make mistakes or don’t seem passionate, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get through this as quick as possible, and this episode might even end up a bit late, so I apologise if so.

Top 10

For the seventh week since its debut, Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are still at the top spot with their drowsy hit “I Don’t Care”, which I still don’t see the appeal in other than starpower.

At number-two, we have our highest of eight overall Top 40 debuts and two top five debuts, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, assumingly from Mendes’ newest upcoming third album. It’s also debuted at #2 in the US, blocked by “Old Town Road”, because of course it is. This is his ninth UK Top 40 hit, and his seventh top 10, as well as Cabello’s ninth UK Top 40 hit, and her third Top 10.

At number-three, we have “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy, a spot down from last week.

At number-four, however, up four full spaces from last week, we have Ed Sheeran once again, this time with Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock, for “Cross Me”.

Stormzy has also launched two songs in the top five as his new arrival “Crown” debuts at number-five, becoming his sixteenth UK Top 40 hit and seventh Top 10. We’ll talk more about this song and “Senorita” later.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi is thankfully down two spaces to number-six since last week.

Surprisingly, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X didn’t rebound as successfully as I figured it would because of the EP release, instead it stays still at number-seven.

“No Guidance” by Chris Brown featuring Drake is down two spaces to number-eight.

The late Avicii’s “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc is not moving at number-nine.

Finally, Taylor Swift’s debut from last week barely clings onto the top 10 as “You Need to Calm Down” falls five spaces already to #10, but I suppose it’s not as bad as the 11-space loss to #13 in the US.

Climbers

There’s none to speak of, and that’s not even an over-exaggeration really, since there is not a single boost bigger than three spaces up for a song in the top 40, but I guess it’s good to see “Mad Love” by Mabel in the top 15, so that’s something, although it should probably be in the top 10.

Fallers

Well, damn near everything. Let’s sort by genre.

Fallers for pop and “rock” outside of the top 10 with a fall down three spots or more included “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi down three to #14, “Bounce Back” by Little Mix collapsing down seven to #17, “bad guy” by Billie Eilish having a streaming cut down 15 spaces to #19, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi down five to #22, “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike unfortunately down five to #26, “ME!” by Taylor Swift featuring Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco also in freefall down 12 to #30 and “Mother’s Daughter” by Miley Cyrus down four to #40.

Fallers for EDM under the same criteria include “One Touch” by Jax Jones and Jess Glynne down four to #23, “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys down four to #24 and “Heaven” by the late Avicii featuring Chris Martin down 10 to #38.

Fallers for hip-hop and R&B also under the same criteria include “The London” by Young Thug featuring J. Cole and Travis Scott down five to #29, “OT Bop” by NSG down five to #35, “Shine Girl” by MoStack featuring Stormzy completely disbanding 14 spaces down to #36 and “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy down seven to #39, and that’s all.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

The biggest story here is the one I expected the most. “Omerta” by Drake is completely out of the UK Singles Chart from #33, mostly because it’s inaccessible and only got big briefly because of Drake’s existence and starpower. Other than Drake, our top 40 dropouts are plenty. We have “All Day and Night” by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig presenting EUROPA featuring Madison Beer out from #34, “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man out from #40, “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li is out from #35, “Falling Like the Stars” by James Arthur out from #38, and “Sixteen” by Ellie Goulding out from #27, sadly never reaching a peak of #16. Oh, and Skepta’s two hits are gone, with “Greaze Mode” featuring Nafe Smallz and “What Do You Mean?” featuring Skepta out from #37 and #39 respectively, and because it’s a very busy week, there’s pretty obviously no returning entries, so now it’s time to face the beast.

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “Find U Again” – Mark Ronson featuring Camila Cabello

Produced by Mark Ronson and Tame Impala – Peaked at #24 in Ireland

I’m going to be doing this in a slightly different but not optimal setting. I’ll listen to the new arrivals in a room without being chained up to my headphones on a chair but instead draining my thoughts on here with the song out loud. Sorry if I don’t notice any little details because of that but I think I’ll be able to make up what I think of a song with that and I’m boiling so we’ll have a little shake-up of the formula for once, and I’m boiling and exhausted so let’s get through it. Anyway, this is our first of two Cabello features this week, and this one is from the recently-released Late Night Feelings album by Mark Ronson, with this song debuting in the top 40, becoming Ronson’s twelth UK Top 40 and Cabello’s eighth, and well, it’s pretty okay. I’ve never liked Camila’s voice but she’s tamed down here and sounds pretty great in this multi-tracked falsetto, especially over a VERY 90s R&B instrumental (Which by the way is beautiful). The instrumental is very twinkly and incredibly synth-heavy, with a lot of fun groove in the verses, where Camila goes for a pretty quirky delivery that works very well, despite an abrupt and pretty janky drop. The lyrical content is nonexistent, really, but the 808s in the bridge especially deliver that emotion of never being able to cling onto something you previously had, in this case an ex, and while this can be repetitive, and perhaps somewhat undercooked in terms of songwriting, this instrumental is perfectly crafted and Camila stays in her comfort zone, thankfully, so I can forgive a couple lyrical issues. This is pretty damn good, and I’m suddenly much more excited to check out that album – this is much less spacey and actually delivers the mood it intends to, which is the problem I had with the title track weeks before.

#34 – “MEGATRON” – Nicki Minaj

Produced by Pop Wansel – Peaked at #9 in Hungary and #20 in the US

For Nicki Minaj’s damage-control lead single produced by a generic pop executive with no signature style and her 39th(!) UK Top 40 single, I’m expecting a complete trainwreck with no redeemable qualities.

Yup. This is terrible, so much that I almost felt embarrassed listening to it that I had to put Private Session on. The worst thing about this is that it had potential, I do like that pumping sampled guitar riff, but I can’t forgive the badly-mixed snares and incessant nonsense words yelled and stuttering effects that got old in 2010, as well as pretty aggravating and cheap Auto-Tune in the janky pre-chorus, not forgetting the chorus which is not only just “when I’m drinkin’” rhymed several times without an internal rhyme, but it only stops when she decides not to finish her line and awfully segue by a few “brat-dat-dat”s over to the next section of the song. The lyrical content in the miniscule verses that are here, is pretty standard Nicki fare about “clapping on the D”, but watered-down to fit for a radio that will definitely not put this mess in rotation. It doesn’t have a climax, or a bridge other than... a minimal instrumental forcing you to listen to Nicki and it’s just one corny bar repeated with pointless vocal effects filling time. Mrs. Minaj, do you know how a bridge or middle-eight works? The outro is maddening and honestly this whole track is an absolute disasterpiece. I would call it a stretch for it to be encapsulated madness but this really is a ridiculous listen. PNTHN did it better.

#28 – “Mr Sheeen” – Digga D and Russ splash

Produced by Gotcha Bxtch

Digga D, we’ve seen twice before, Russ splash (No, not Russ from the US as someone on Twitter suspected), we’ve seen twice before, and this song title intrigues me. I suspect it’s about Charlie Sheen, and I damn well hope it is, he’s an intriguing man, we need a Charlie Sheen concept album. Somehow I doubt it, and I’m right, it’s about using a gun as a cleaning product.. or a cleaning product as a gun. Probably both, but they’re also cleverly using an extra “E” to avoid copyright infringement. Subtle. Is the song any good? Well, the menacing synth reminds me of more EDM-influenced trap and while monotonous and repetitive, it is intimidating and this instrumental  does build up as it goes. Something isn’t clicking, and I think it’s Russ. Digga D has some decent wordplay and provides most of the content here, handling half the hook and two full verses, which are both pretty good although his flow is often a bit janky to co-operate with the beat, and does sound offbeat at times when the beat’s still developing in the first verse. I feel like it should have been one verse between two choruses instead, then Russ comes in, so structure’s a bit off there. The chorus is also pretty iffy, with a lot of blank space on the beat between Russ’ nasal flows snabbed from his OTHER hits “Gun Lean” and “Keisha & Becky”, and the transition between his verse and his chorus is non-existent and lazy, much like Russ’ second verse which didn’t need to happen. The beat is pretty okay but they have no idea how to approach it. Ideally, I would have no chorus on this song, as it just seems to have screwed up their plans a bit, since the hook is especially rushed. Russ brings nothing to the song at all, so I’d cut him off in an ideal world, but how about make the chorus the intro while the beat’s still building up into the drop, then have Digga D and Russ deliver back-to-back verses, with the hook MAYBE coming back for an outro? That just seems to be a better way to approach it in my opinion, but the song’s not bad on its own and I commend it for that to an extent, it just needs a bit of reworking.

#25 – “Panini” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Take a Daytrip – Peaked at #12 in Canada and Slovakia, and #16 in the US

This is Lil Nas X’s second Top 40 hit since “Old Town Road” in the UK and I’m just going to copy-paste what I said in my review of his (Expectedly) mediocre yet somewhat impressively versatile EP 7 (a light 5/10) and while I have warmed up to it now because of how infectious and short it is, these words still hold up pretty well in terms of my opinion on the song, which is it’s a lazy label-manufactured follow-up.

So, “Old Town Road” is genius because it’s not even two minutes and has so much energy and charisma, as well as being a massive smash hit and also kind of a bop. It worked, so he deleted all of his older music and paid rent off of “Road” and “Road” alone. It’s captivating because of its brevity. How, then, do you ask, is he going to make a song more than two and a half minutes captivating, intriguing, interesting? Answer is, he doesn't. “Panini”, two seconds longer than the original “Old Town Road”, has some pretty bland sloshy trap production, where Lil Nas X, previously seemingly rejecting Auto-Tune on OTR, croons catchy pop-rap choruses that just drones on, with miniscule verses that lead into odd, abrupt emo-rap breakdowns including an unrecognisable interpolation of Nirvana's "In Bloom"? Oh, yeah, and whistling worked the first time, but when it's not Billy Ray, it's not working, and the song ends up not feeling unfinished but definitely missing a third verse or bridge  because it is short as all hell, and adds up to nothing without having that same punch as “Old Town Road”. In conclusion, it’s probably the best Travis Scott reference track I’ve ever heard.

#20 – “Kilos” – Bugzy Malone featuring Aitch

Produced by Swifta Beater and B. Somebody

Bugzy Malone is a pretty respected British rapper out of Manchester, and he’s been bubbling and buzzing on the scene for a while now but he’s just started recently to have all that much chart success, specifically in the Top 40. So, he teams up with newcomer Aitch for a second Top 40 hit for the both of them (Bugzy only having leads, Aitch only having features, coincidentally), a first top 20 hit for the both of them, and both Bugzy and Aitch’s highest-charting song, so it’s clearly one the public has latched onto if the other songs didn’t have enough of it to chart this high. When first putting it on, I knew exactly why, it’s that Latin trap instrumentation, with some pretty plastic brass and surprisingly bouncy Latin guitar that isn’t as stiff as you’d expect, Bugzy Malone delivering an insane verse, with a couple flow switches and story-telling that is unseen from most mainstream rappers, despite an offbeat chorus, detailing his story with a somewhat generic trail but a powerful convincing delivery. Aitch tries to do the same but he’s way too generic with no quirks at all that make him interesting. He’s just listing off typical British hip hop subjects and lines I swear I’ve heard before in one flow and one flow only, and it gets pretty boring, despite his charisma. Thankfully, Bugzy comes back with a short third verse book-ending the story and the beat is incredible, so without Aitch, I’m pretty sure this would have been near-perfect. I like how the chorus and first verse focuses on what they were getting themselves into before the come-up as a hip-hop artist, specifically drug trafficking, Aitch’s is how people react to the come-up, and the final verse is Bugzy celebrating fame by mentioning three-piece suits and such. There’s a nice scale there and I think this is actually pretty good, despite Aitch wasting a lot of time, so it’s a shame he’s on here, it feels like wasted potential, although I understand the purpose of his performance here, it doesn’t come close to Bugzy’s bars and feels a bit lacklustre. Congratulations on your hit though, guys, especially Swifta Beater and B. Somebody because this slaps hard.

#19 – “Mocking It” – JAY1

Produced by Nastylgia

Now for this dude again. God, I hated that last Top 20 hit he had, “Your Mrs”, and I haven’t heard anything since, so I was dreading this, and yeah, it’s pretty bad. If you can even dignify the instrumental as a “beat”, then the beat is pretty awful. It’s an off-beat synth bleep sound and a sub-bass, except this time it’s distorted and there’s some badly-mixed percussion, much like a DJ Mustard beat with all of the charm cut out. This sounds just like “Your Mrs”... except it’s good. See, Nastylgia knows how to sound intimidating with minimalist beats, and how to elevate a song’s energy, while the producer for “Your Mrs”, Coolie was a bit of a hack, so no matter what JAY1 says, this song will be better because it has the basics on how to make an interesting beat, which his last hit lacks. The beat here is actually pretty good because of its minimalism which is intimidating yet bouncy because of the 808s having so much fun in the background. However, once that gets boring, there’s a rapid-fire 808 jab until the beat suddenly picks up some pace, with Jay here switching up his flow for the third time in the first 30 minutes for the chorus, in a more melodic flow without autotune and instead sounding pretty mocking as the percussion just goes at it, but then the climax isn’t there yet? Maybe the basics aren’t here, because immediately after there isn’t a big climax, instead a post-chorus without percussion the beat cuts off and then returns in normal form, with odd 808-jab transitions excusing making the beat sound smoothly cobbled together. Then an incredibly repetitive bridge initiates with dumb chipmunk vocals, and there’s a final post-chorus with some female moaning, but then a fourth (or fifth?) freaking verse, where a cheap flute comes in and everyone’s confused. Yeah, I overestimated this guy because this still kind of sucks, I can see improvement though, but the beat work (Yes, I am nitpicking this a lot) really bothers me, especially since nothing Jay says warrants the experimentation or menace this beat tries to give him

#5 – “Crown” – Stormzy

Produced by Jimmy Napes and MJ Cole

Now it’s time for what are supposed to be the “big” debuts this week, but honestly I don’t see much in these two songs that require this much attention and success other than starpower. First, we have a non-explicit song from rapper Stormzy, and since I’m quite a fan I checked this out when it was first released a week or two ago, and while some may see the all-singing route as new ground for Stormz, this should have been pretty evident from the gospel-tinged tracks on Gang Signs & Prayer, and this has of course an influence from that genre but this is mostly reminiscent of a lot of British pop and soft rock from people like Ed Sheeran and... Lewis Capaldi. In fact, it sounds like one of Tinie Tempah’s pop crossover singles from back in 2010, like that one with Eric Turner, but this rendition is so much better and more genuine, with the gentle vintage lo-fi piano loop providing Stormzy’s surpisingly good singing voice (Of course it’s not amazing but it’s not supposed to be incredible, and it fulfils its purpose). The piano loop is used in a completely different way when it’s flipped to a hip-hop beat, which hilariously is just a clean brag-rap for the kiddies, but it works well, as he acknowledges “heavy is the head that wears the crown” and how hypocritical this verse is in comparison to the soulful chorus. I’d love to see this in an album context, as I’m curious to who is being honest here, the hardcore rapper or the gospel (Children’s?) choir. The lyrics are also pretty funny, the line ending off the first verse in particular. The climax of strings and vocal samples and an 808 are a great way of ending the chorus, and the elevation of the verses with gospel vocalising is pretty great. This is excellent, I’m excited to see where this goes, success-wise and in the album, and I’m happy this is here.

#2 – “Senorita” – Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello

Produced by watt, benny blanco and Cashmere Cat – Peaked at #1 in Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway and Slovakia, and #2 in the US

Okay, this is kind of disappointing. I hated the last Mendes single, which I thought was overproduced trite without any sense of passion, so surely a stripped-back seductive Latin song would be up my street and what I would want out of Mendes’ upcoming album, but no, this really is undercooked. I don’t have much to say, but the slick guitar here, despite somewhat bouncy with the finger-snaps, really doesn’t work as a backing against Camila’s squealing, and Mendes’ falsetto doesn’t sound great here either, with a surprising lack of chemistry between them. The chorus is undercooked in that it’s filled to the brim with “la, la, la” repetitions that get on my nerves instead of all that much interesting lyrical content and substance. I mean, I should look at the verses for that and I shouldn’t care about the poetic structure of a pop song, but I can’t help but feel this chorus, although incredibly catchy, is a very rushed part of the song. I don’t mind this, but it does feel very lightweight, especially for Camila, both of whose vocals sound great on the outro when it’s just subtly Auto-Tuned riffing. The song itself is just about an obsessive, sensual love, that they can’t take themselves away from. Apart from seemingly being released in pretty rushed form to fend off “Does Shawn Mendes is gay?” rumours, I can’t really get too mad at this, but I feel it could have been a lot better.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to Stormzy, no question, for “Crown”, with Honourable Mention going to Camila Cabello and Mark Ronson for “Find U Again”. Worst of the Week, I’m left with a lot of options, but there’s no way in hell it’s going to anyone but Nicki Minaj for “MEGATRON”, God, that’s a trashy song. Dishonourable Mention goes to JAY1 for “Mocking It”, but that’s all I have to say really about this week. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!