#<- tag for if I'm ever brave enough to answer more asks

[the-magpie-archives]

so i saw your post about finding a dead body and having had even weirder things happen to you... care to elaborate any?

I do indeed care to elaborate! To start off with, all of this is true, but whether or not you believe it, it's pretty interesting.

So for a long time my friends and I have joked that I'm cursed because wherever I am weird stuff tends to happen. Sometimes this is just normal mundane odd things, weird coincidences or accidental predictions, but sometimes it's worse.

On that particular day I mentioned in my previous post I'd just started season 2 of tma and I made a silly joke about kinning Jon, thought nothing of it! This was back when I was in college so I went in for my classes, everything was fine.

Back then myself and a friend would walk around the city every day after class until around pretty late at night, which in hindsight was quite dangerous but we survived so how bad could it really have been!

Anyways, that day we went into Paddington Station to grab a coffee and upon entering saw a very dead man slumped on a bench. I won't go into detail but it was very clear there was nothing we could do for him. I'm as anti cop as the next person but in that situation there's not much else you can really do, so we found an officer, told him what was going on, and carried on going to get coffee. It sounds dismissive but we really had done everything we could do.

That was one of the most memorable times I've heard the 'Inspector Sans please report' announcement. There was never any investigation or report on the death, the guy looked homeless and like he'd overdosed so that's just not the kind of death that's newsworthy in a big city.

We decided to carry on with our usual daily walk, not really wanting to hang around the station after that. We ended up playing a fun little manifestation game as we walked, in which you basically decide an intention and walk whichever way you feel is right in the hopes of manifesting what you want. We weren't doing it seriously and my friend said we should try to find a celebrity, so I agreed, and we started. Neither of us said it to eachother at the time but we both felt uneasy about it.

We walked through Hyde Park and came out in Knightsbridge where we carried on walking. At this point the unease reached a peak point and we both admitted to eachother that we felt like something terrible was going to happen. Every car stopping and every person shouting felt like it would be the start of something awful, but what could we do except carry on?

We did carry on, for quite a while too. The feeling changed though, and i couldn't for the life of me shake the feeling that we were being watched, being followed, perhaps even compelled. I'm pretty big on spiritual stuff and I've been ghost hunting for years and this energy was NOT one that I liked at all. My friend was dead set on a certain route, down a particular street, and i DESPERATELY wanted to go that way too, but it just felt wrong. I had no reason to want to go that way, there was nothing interesting there!

At that point I stopped and told her I couldn't say why but that we should turn around. She really didn't want to, and i was worried we'd end up outright arguing in the street, but eventually she agreed. The second we turned round and started walking it started to rain. An insistent, heavy shower. It was weird, but that feeling of being watched left almost as soon as we were off that road.

It was around sunset by then, and we grabbed another coffee before splitting off to head home. My friend left to catch a bus, and i went to try and find the station. It had gotten dark, and Google maps said that Green Park Station was only a couple of minutes away, so I headed towards it, but my GPS was screwed up and I ended up taking a weird loop through the park itself and around the outside of The Ritz before I actually got there.

In that maybe 10 minutes of walking around alone, in the dark, even more strange things happened! For a start, in the park I nearly bumped into someone who was loudly chatting to their friend who just happened to be called Basira! I accidentally followed a cop to a little side entrance of the Ritz, and then managed to arrive at the station just in time to witness the aftermath of a bus accident!

Apologies for the long ramble, but that is the full story of that particular dead body, it's one of many adventures of the sort, and is definitely the sort of thing that made tma even more fun to listen to than it already is!

[sehodreams]

fucking Anton with a breeding kink is so hot like when he has hot passionate romantic sex it definitely feels like baby making

Sorry, I don't think this is what you wanted to read but it's what came to my mind. It's been in my draft for so long, I tried to think of a different idea but it stayed like this 😭

TW and tags: p in v, no condom, literally babymaking.

He's especially needy on these occasions. You don't really understand what goes through his mind when he's pushing you to the bed all serious, or when he's brushing his fingers on your waist while you're getting ready for bed, but there's simply an alarm that starts sounding inside you, a "shit" repeating in your head because you know what's about to come.

He's not harder, or rougher. He's really slow since he wants to feel you more, caressing corners of your skin not even you pay attention, like that little emptiness in your collarbone, or the inside of your arm when he pushes your hands up to take control of your moves.

Still, finally, this day, he's brave enough to tell you those thoughts that fill his head and you always wondered about. Spitting things you know cross him in the middle of the night, you gasp for air when you hear his voice. "You'd look so pretty pregnant,'' he whispers. ''I can't stop thinking about us living in a bigger house, big enough for you to have anything you could ever want... don't you want to come and search for one with me?"

"What are you saying?" You answer. You want to think that maybe he's joking, but it's all so intense, his finger flicking your clit and his eyes on yours at every second, gleaming even in the dark.

"We could be a family, maybe a little girl to keep company to my favourite girl in the whole world?" He's going too far now, and you're trying to resist it. It's too drawing, the tone of his voice, the aroma of his bed that is almost yours now after all those nights sleeping together, and the image he's planting on your head. You're so comfy in that picture, being kissed by him while he rests his hand on your stomach, and everything is dizzy when he's sliding into you.

"You-you really want that?" You ask unsure, feeling too good and in a haze of pleasure. More than just loved, you feel almost adored.

"It's everything I can think about,'' he groans. ''I want to make my girl a mom, the most beautiful one."

Fuck, not again you say inside your head. He knows he shouldn't ask you for things while fucking. You're too weak to resist him when it's all so good, he pressing you to the mattress and his hips slowly finding that spot that doesn't let you think things twice when he bottoms out and steals every air you could have with his weight over you.

He's not saying anything else about it. He's just pounding and holding your hands over your head while the other in your waist keeps you in place to receive him. He couldn't let you move apart when your pussy is squelching, begging for him to spill everything inside.

You don't talk, but you want him to cum inside, you're too deep into the fantasy to say no to him, and soon you're clenching, not wanting to let him pull away from you and your new dream.

Fuck, you curse again. You're not even sure you want to be a mom. Obviously, you haven't thought about it as much as him.

Yet, you can see everything so clearly now. A house with a pretty garden, white ceilings and breakfast out in the fresh air on Sunday mornings.

You can't push him away when you know he's about to cum. His breath is getting harder with every thrust and the sweat is accumulating in his forehead. Usually, you'd have cleaned it with your hand, but he doesn't let you move, both wrists pinned in your pillow.

''I'm not wearing a condom,'' he warns you.

You don't know why he's telling you that by that point. You physically can't push him away, and you both know you can't say no to him, not while fucking, not at any moment, and this one is not the exception.

[horreurscopes]

So, I could be out-of-bounds here since I think you meant it as dark humor, but what did you mean in the tags of that 'israel-hamas war' post? I suspect you(and op) are criticizing that framing because Israel is obviously demolishing much more than 'Hamas'(and probably doing a terrible job of actually targeting terrorists- they seem content to reduce Gaza to rubble even if the brass of Hamas escapes). I'm guessing that by saying "joining the Israel-Hamas war on the side of Hamas" you mean, if they're going to conflate Palestinians with Hamas unilaterally, then you're saying, whatever the media wants to call Palestinian civilians- you still support them. I am asking anyways though bc, given reports of increasing antisemitic activity in the US and Europe, I am worried about the potential for blurring lines between the cause of Palestinian civilians and the alt-right individuals who are likely masking their antisemitism in the context of being anti-Zionist. Although Israel's government has been the source of Palestinian loss for decades, (it seems to me that) even joking about supporting terrorism is enough to reinforce the persuasion that Israeli/Palestinian Jews and Palestinian Arabs must be mutually-exclusive peoples. I don't think it's fully rational per se(tho I'm not claiming to have all the relevant information myself, and I'm white US American goyim so like- grain of salt-), but I think that existential fear is the incredible hurdle facing Zionist Jews. (Idc too much about the opinions of non-Jewish Zionists bc I don't grant that they are dealing with the same emotional complications at this time, although that doesn't stop me from arguing w my acquaintances abt their callous acceptance of US/Israeli propaganda.) I just think..... isn't it overall harmful to allow anti-semitic rhetoric, even used sarcastically, to enter the genuine humanist cause for Palestinian liberation? Or, have I misunderstood, and you actually are not in opposition to Hamas, or something else I didn't think of?

hi! thank you for approaching the question thoughtfully and with curiosity, i really appreciate it. i was being kind of flippant with that meme, but this is the only ask i'm going to reply to on the matter given that i am neither jewish nor arab, so i'm going to answer in earnest:

hamas is a political resistance movement with an armed wing, much like the black panthers party was, and like the bpp, a large part of the organization is dedicated to social welfare and civic restoration.

they have stated that they are not against judaism, but against the zionist project. they openly support political solutions.

labeling hamas a terrorist group is a propaganda tactic used by the united states and israel to justify the horrors of settler colonization.

hamas is palestine, a part of it, even if palestinians like any other demographic on earth, are not a unified, single-minded people. to declare hamas a separate entity falls prey to the imperialist lie that there is an enemy to fight "fairly" within the people they are displacing and exterminating.

am i rejoicing in the deaths of israelis? of course not. killing civilians and taking civilian hostages is a war crime, whether it is committed by the opresor or the oppressed. the israeli government is not its people, and many jews, within israel as well as in the US, are bravely risking their lives to publicly dissent the criminal acts of the israeli government. all loss of human life is a tragedy.

no one should ever be faced with the choice between annihilation and murderous violence after exhausting all other forms of peaceful protest and being massacred like animals.

but why is it that we consider a resistance group formed within a population with a median age of eighteen a terrorist group, and not the IDF, a US-backed military force with an annual budget of twenty billion dollars?

i am currently reading hamas and civil society in gaza by sara roy to learn more about hamas and the history of israel in palestine. i'll remember to post more excerpts which i am admittedly terrible at.

but all of the information above can be found by reading wikipedia. investigating with duckduckgo searches (not gonna pretend google isn't prioritizing propaganda, to be fair), and reading reliable news coverage like aljazeera and the many journalists who are at risk of, or have lost their lives, reporting on the ground.

i have also appreciated reading posts from @determinate-negation @opencommunion @fairuzfan @ibtisams and @bloglikeanegyptian amongst others

in conclusion:

[so-long-soldier-writes]

I Vowed I Would Always Be Yours ('Cause We Survived the Great War)

liam dunbar x theo raeken

summary: for weeks, scott’s been finding and adopting betas that’ve had their lives stolen from them by the hunters. but he seems to forget that theo, his old friend from childhood, had his own life stolen by an enemy they’ve faced and defeated.

what scott doesn't realize, is that by refusing to forgive theo, he's slowly losing his own beta's loyalty, perhaps for good.

tags: post-war / post season 6, homeless theo, full shift werewolves, banter, play fighting / roughhousing, not dating but it's complicated, they love each other (they just can't admit it out loud yet), they're also each other's anchors, liam's getting used to lying, protective theo, protective scott, caught, arguing, scott has a change of heart

word count: 12.2k

a/n: this took two days to write, and then two weeks to post, but i'm actually quite proud of it // title is from the great war by taylor swift; it is SUCH thiam song imo

Scott’s pack is growing by the second, every lone wolf inside every vulnerable teenager. He tracks them down with the skill of an Argent, Chris by his side, to reach them before the hunters do. It’s brave and admirable, and they need a place to go. Scott extending a hand to them proves how morally light he is. He’s been made fun of for being a pack of strays, but they need him as much as he feels drawn to help them. 

Liam’s always praised Scott for this. His ability to trust is unmatched and he’s always looking out for those around him. It’s not easy being an alpha, and it’s even harder being human. 

The human vocabulary has a lot of ways to ask for something, and Liam's tried just about every one. Despite his usual nature, Scott’s said no to every request. Liam had been taught by his mother to never challenge a no - that no means no and that is final - but in this instance, he pushes a little. 

The cause is important to him. He understands why Scott is hesitant - ish, but not enough to excuse the behavior of his constant rejection. Since Alec, Scott’s found two more werewolves hiding out from the hunters. They’re freshmen, and they all live together, and something about it makes Liam itch. 

One lost soul after another is pulled off the streets and into security by Scott and Chris. The Argents, it seems, have safe houses all over town, and can provide them at the drop of a hat. 

Liam hasn’t prodded Scott in a while. The answer is always the same. 

He climbs down the ladder into near complete darkness. 

___________________________________________

There are lights that guide the way set up by workers from long ago. The tunnels are still powered, in case anyone needs to go down, but no one frequents it enough for it to be called active. One resident and one visitor is all it ever sees. Once a year, one worker changes bulbs, but he hasn’t come around in a while. 

Liam, exhausted from a long school day, trails his hand along the wall to guide himself. The tunnel is damp, blocking many of the scents lingering about in it. He has a vague idea of where he’s going and relies on that. He just hopes his smell isn’t too beyond recognition.

He walks another couple hundred feet until coming to an intersection. Liam considers calling out, but clamps his mouth shut, a fear of the unknown raising the hairs on his neck. He’s been in the tunnels a hundred times before, though he can never remember the right trail. 

Liam bites a nail nervously while choosing where to go. A low growl suddenly sounds behind him, shooting his nerves with panic. “It’s me,” he says quickly, hoping he is him. 

A pair of eyes come into view and Liam can properly relax at the sight of the black wolf. He drops his hand from his mouth to its fur as it approaches. The wolf leans into his touch, eyes closing contentedly at the feeling. Liam pets for a moment, then sticks a finger out to lightly bop it on the nose. “Boop.”

Almost instantly, the wolf shifts into a human. Liam preparedly offers spare clothes from his bag, then chuckles at the look he’s receiving. 

“I’ve told you a thousand times not to do that.”

The empty threat makes him roll his eyes. Theo, knowing he’s never going to win that fight, rolls his own and guides them down the left turn.

The end of the path has surprising signs of life to anyone not expecting it. A gray comforter covers the floor with several blankets and pillows atop it. Canned food and bottled water sit in the corner beside an empty backpack, which leans against another backpack, full of more personal belongings. Someone obviously lives here, although that someone is clearly ready to pack up and go at a moment’s notice. 

Liam frowns as soon as he sees Theo’s set up. He settles down on the comforter and picks at a hole that goes through the soft material. 

“Don’t make that hole any bigger,” Theo jokingly chides. He’s grateful for the hole to be there at all. When Liam had initially found him down here, he was only sleeping on blankets. Liam had then intentionally ripped his own comforter so his mom would demand getting him a new one, just to give the other boy something thicker to sleep on. 

Liam offers a small smile at the remark, but Theo can tell he’s gearing up for an apology he doesn’t owe. “Your smell’s off,” he says to distract him.

“Scott found another kid.” His tone is sad, and Theo knows why. 

“How old?”

“Fifteen.”

“Good. He’s lucky; he’ll be safe.”

Liam’s eyes dart around the walls, and Theo sighs at the realization that he’s not out of the woods yet. “You should be too.”

“I’m fine. No one comes down here.”

“But you’re not fine! You live underground, again, when you should be in a bed somewhere. Not in your truck, nor on my old ripped up comforter-”

“I like your comforter, it smells like you.”

But Liam’s not listening, “-and you should be part of a pack, especially since it’s kinda my pack now, because Scott left it to me, but he keeps bringing in strays, and everytime I ask, he pushes me away, and-”

“Liam!” Strong hands on his shoulders pull him from his rant. Liam frowns, eyes dropping to the floor. “It’s okay.”

“I just think it’s unfair. He knows how much you helped us, and knows how much you need it. You’d be good in a pack, great, even. You deserve it. You deserve a family.”

To be honest, Theo’s not sure he deserves anything. But instead of getting into an argument with Liam that he’d surely lose, he lays down on the comforter beside him, hooks an arm around Liam’s upper body, and pulls him down, too. The boy lets out a yelp, earning a chuckle from Theo, but doesn’t fight him. They lie there for a second, but the look on Liam’s face quickly sours.

“This isn’t even comfortable.” He flicks the bedsheet in disgust.

“It’s more comfortable with fur.”

“So you’re telling me you shift most nights?”

“Most.”

“Why don’t you when I stay over?”

“Because it’s comfortable when you’re here.” As if to prove his point, Theo tangles their legs together and buries his face in Liam’s chest. Liam’s hand immediately finds the back of his neck and plays with the small hairs there. It’s not an uncommon position for them to be in, although Liam’s usually the one tucked in the other’s arms. 

For some time, they stay like that. Not sleeping, but resting in each other’s company. Listening to heartbeats and breathing, and letting it lull them into a deep state of relaxation. 

“I could leave,” Liam says suddenly. 

“What?” Theo tenses, unsure what he means, and quickly looking up at him. 

“Scott, I mean. I could leave Scott and we could start our own pack.”

It’s silent for a few heartbeats, then, “you’re not going to leave Scott.”

“I could.”

“You can’t.”

“Why not?”

“He’s a good alpha, Li. He cares for you.”

“You were an alpha before,” he tries to argue, biting his lip.

“I was not a good alpha. I bet Corey can vouch for that.”

“But Scott-”

“Just because Scott’s bringing in new betas doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say. I was going to say if he cares for me, why doesn’t he listen to me?”

“It’s not because of you that he says no, it’s because of me. It’s nothing against you.”

“If I keep asking, maybe he’ll get so annoyed he’ll kick me out anyway.”

“How many times have you asked?”

Liam huffs but doesn’t reply. 

Theo gives a small smile. “You need to let it go.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Liam-”

“I want you in it. I want you to have that feeling of security, and family, and I want someone familiar, who I know I can trust, in the literal sea of freshmen.”

Theo chuckles at that. “I thought you and Nolan-”

“Nolan and I are fine, but I wouldn’t trust him with my life, y’know? And he’s so distracted by the new ones, and he’s obsessed with Alec, crushing big time, and Alec’s so confused all the time, they’re like lost little puppies trying to find their mother. And then Scott comes back and they whine like he’s abandoned them for years, and…” he pauses his own whining to focus back on his original point. “When it’s my turn to watch the town for the night, I want to do it in your company, in your truck, with your finger prodding me awake - not Nolan’s - when I start to drift off. And I want to look up in boring pack meetings and see you raising a questioning eyebrow at me in response to Alec’s dumb plans. And when we’re in a new place, trying to find a rabid hunter or helpless kid, I want to focus on your scent to ground me and make me feel less afraid. And when we have pack bonding nights in Scott’s or Stiles’ house, and movies are rolling until three a.m. and one-by-one, everyone’s falling asleep, I want to curl up next to you there, on Stiles’ floor, instead of this cold, hard ground, and face repercussions later, when there’s a photoshopped picture of us circling the group chat.”

Theo isn’t sure what to say. Liam’s told him before that he wishes Scott would accept him into the pack, but never in so many words. His speech this time is almost like a confession, a proclamation of what he wants, from both Scott and Theo. A moment passes, and Liam moves to tuck his head under Theo’s chin in the way they normally sleep. Theo, heart heavy from the weight of all his words, sighs deeply, laced with a bit of pain. 

“You can’t leave Scott,” he says again.

“I would for you.”

___________________________________________

At seven thirty, Scott knocks on the door to the Dunbar-Geyer household, but receives no answer. Mr. Geyer’s already at the hospital, he knows this, and Mrs. Dunbar also leaves early for work, but Mason had texted that Liam’s not at school, so he must not even be awake. Scott sighs, then scans the house as best he can without looking like a robber, before finding the bathroom window open and climbing inside. He makes his way to Liam’s room, listening for any activity, but hears nothing. The boy’s room is even empty. His bed is perfectly made, his blinds are closed, and lights are off. His backpack is gone, one good sign, but there are no other signs as to where he could be. 

Scott: ask mr. yukimura if he’s seen him in the halls today

Mason: i have, he hasn’t

Scott: he isn’t home, either

And that’s when Scott sends a missing wolf alert out to the pack group chat. 

___________________________________________

Liam’s not sure when exactly during the night that he shifted, but when he wakes up, he does not expect to try and talk to Theo, only for his voice to come out as a single bark. He shies away instantly, realizing he’s in his wolf form, at the same time that Theo jolts awake and bites him on the muzzle. 

Now it’s on.

Liam was going to be apologetic for the sudden disruption, but that plan changes quickly as soon as he’s bitten. Retaliating, he pins his ears down and bites Theo’s cheek. The black wolf moves his head quickly, but not quick enough that Liam doesn’t get his bite in. He growls, then goes for his muzzle again. 

Every argument between them always turns into a fist fight. It seems to be no different with both of them shifted. As soon as Theo’s teeth clamp down onto his muzzle, Liam turns his head so the next bite pierces his neck. Liam’s careful not to hurt him, but the behavior does display a dominance that brings Theo up on his four paws. He brings one down onto Liam, pushing him towards the ground until he lets go, then nibbles on a patch of brown fur on his neck. Liam worms around in resistance. As soon as he breaks free, he body slams Theo off his balance and starts a playful wrestle. They nip at each other’s ears and paws, making a mess of the makeshift bed and kicking pillows all around. Liam riles up quickly, getting lost in the feeling of how comfortable he is with Theo, and indulging in how good it feels to be completely alone - completely himself - with him. He can be rough without the fear of hurting him; he can relax without the fear of getting hurt. 

Liam’s on top of Theo now, but it’ll only be a few more seconds before he gets thrown off. The black wolf always finds his way back on top, nipping at Liam’s most sensitive spots until he surrenders. Liam fights back, not wanting their play to come to an end, but secretly enjoys it. He likes the other’s dominance, and the more Liam eggs him on, the more assertive he gets. 

As predicted, Theo nips his elbow a second later. Liam moves his leg out of reach of Theo’s teeth, only for his teeth to find his other leg. The tawny wolf yelps and goes for the throat, only to get kicked off and end up underneath the wolf he previously held down. Theo pants above him, and if wolves could smirk, he definitely would be. One last fight from Liam earns him a bite to the ear. His mouth wets the tip, sending a shiver down his spine. Liam pauses to relish in the feeling, and Theo takes advantage of that to nip on his muzzle one more time, a bite that settles the younger wolf into submission. 

They stay like that, Theo hovering over him, as they both catch their breaths. They’re covered in each other’s scents now, and the scents will linger on their skin even after they shift. Neither mind, though; both find comfort in it. Theo only fears Scott finding out, though Liam doesn’t seem to care. 

His words from last night return to him. The last thing Liam said before falling asleep in his arms. I would for you.

Theo wonders if that’s true. If Liam would leave everything - everyone - he knows for a boy he brought back from hell. A lying, heart-stealing, Machiavellian boy like himself. On a whim, maybe he could, but he’d surely regret it eventually, Theo would think. 

“Let me up.” A hand grips a patch of Theo’s fur, and he looks down in confusion. Liam, human again, has one hand on him, and his other reaching for a pillow that’s too close for comfort. 

Using quick thinking, Theo bites Liam’s bare collarbone lightly, then bounces off of him, shifting as he moves.

“Ow!” Liam touches the bitten spot, but then grabs the pillow and tries to fling it at Theo. He misses, but if he grabbed it while Theo was still on top, it would’ve hit him square in the face. “You dick!”

“You’re too predictable.”

“You bit me!”

“You were gonna hit me!”

“With a pillow! Not with teeth!”

“I thought you like it when I bite you.”

“I do not!” Liam lies.

“So you exposing your chest to me every time I get the upper hand is just coincidence?”

“You push me over every time.”

“You’re easy to push over.” Liam’s mouth drops open. “You’re also easy to rile up,” Theo adds.

“You’re such an ass!”

“Hey, you started that whole fight.”

Liam stares, incredulous. “You bit me first!”

“You barked in my face!”

“I didn’t know I was shifted! I was going to say, ‘good morning’.”

Theo snorts. “We both did in the middle of the night, do you not remember that? You woke up saying you were uncomfortable and wanted to know if it was any more comfortable shifted?”

“Vaguely? I thought I said that when I got here.”

“You did, and then you said it again at three a.m.”

“Whatever.”

The boy chuckles, pissing Liam off that he finds it funny. 

“What?” Theo points out Liam’s sour face. 

“You’re so annoying.”

“And here I thought we were cuddle buddies.”

Liam glares at him and Theo has to stifle another laugh. “Just… put on a shirt.”

“You’re laying on my shirt.”

“What?” Liam moves, then mutters an “oh” when he finds he is, in fact, laying on Theo’s now-wrinkled shirt. He throws it at the boy, then puts on his own also-wrinkled shirt. 

“You messed up my bed,” Theo points out, eyeing the comforter that used to be exactly how he liked it, that is now completely frazzled. The blankets aren’t even in the vicinity of it. 

“You have all day to fix it.”

“Rude.”

Speaking of which, Liam pulls out his phone to check the time. He does technically have school today, but it doesn’t seem to be morning yet. Then again, he remembers he’s in the tunnels, far below underground. 

“Oh, shit!”

“What?” 

“It’s almost ten!”

“Uhh, don’t you have school today?”

“Yes, dumbass, that’s why I’m freaking out! Oh my god, Mason’s gonna be freaking out! He’s going to text Scott, and then they’re all gonna be mad at me!”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Theo hurries to his side. “They won’t be mad, just worried. Just text them that you overslept.”

“If I oversleep, Scott visits my house. He won’t see me in bed.”

Theo startles for a minute at how creepy that is, but then realizes if Liam were his beta, he’d be overprotective, too. “Okay, just tell him you were running in the woods and lost track of time.”

“He doesn’t know I can fully shift yet.”

“Oh, ummm… tell him you got lost?” Theo tries, earning an eye roll. A bit of pride swells in his chest, but he tries to ignore it. Theo’s the one that taught him how to shift. To be honest, he’s not sure Scott can even do it, or if he’s ever tried. He knows, from conversations similar to a long game of telephone, that Derek, Scott’s previous alpha, can shift, but he’s never heard about Scott doing it himself. 

“I’m just going to have to come clean.”

“Liam, no.”

“I have to, there’s no other way!”

“There’s so many other things you can tell him. ‘None of your business’ is also an option.”

“Theo-”

“If he’s already off put about you asking me to be in the pack, he’s not going to like hearing that you were late to school because you were sleeping with me,” he pauses, thinking about the way he worded that, “he’s not going to like the fact that you came to see me, or that you’re late for school because you were down here with me,” he retries. “He’ll probably be super disgruntled to learn I’m even still in town at all.”

“But I don’t like lying to him, either. He’ll be able to tell, I know it.”

“Then you better get good at lying, like now.”

“Maybe if he knows I’m late to school because I was with you, he’ll finally realize how much I want you in the pack, and he’ll finally let you in.”

“Liam, something tells me that would not go down well. You’ll probably just get a strong reprimand for being anywhere near me.”

“I don’t understand what the problem is! I don’t know why he’s so adamant about this!”

“It’s because of what I’ve done, Li. To him, to Stiles, to both of their parents, to-”

“I know what you’ve done, fucker, but I don’t care! I’ve forgiven it all, and he should, too! The morally correct and all forgiving Scott McCall should be more-”

“Okay, Liam, settle down. Take a deep breath.”

Liam didn’t know his eyes were glowing, but as soon as Theo’s hands hold onto his, they turn back to their usual baby blue. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You have no reason to be sorry.”

“I just wish everyone could see the side of you that I see. The Theo that’s no longer being manipulated by those stupid plague doctors; that was just as much a victim to them as the rest of us; that risked his life for all of ours, especially mine; that now either has to live in his truck, or an elaborate tunnel system in which I get lost every night I try to find him. I wish you wouldn’t be so stubborn, and you’d just sneak in my window instead of me coming out here.”

The boy chuckles. “You just said that Scott comes into your room if you’re even the slightest bit late. He would smell me if I were to sleep there.”

“But I would also get to smell you every time I’d be in my room. I’ll lock the door so Scott can’t come in.”

“Liam…”

“I meant what I said last night. I know I was tired, but I remember what I said.”

“But you wouldn’t leave Mason and Corey. You could leave Nolan and the rest of them, but Mason and Corey don’t trust me, either.”

“I’ll still be friends with them.”

“You’re loyal, Liam. You talk a big game, but you’d never leave Scott. The guilt would consume you.”

“It’s consuming me now, not being able to help you.”

“You are helping me. You’re here now, aren’t you? You’re with me down here more nights than in your own bed. Which, by the way, makes me feel a little guilty that you aren’t getting a good night’s sleep.”

“I sleep better with you than alone in my bed.”

“My point is, you need to stay with Scott. That is your pack. That is where you are meant to be. I’m not a good alpha, and though we’re good together, we would not be good as a pack together.”

“But-”

“I mean, look at me right now, you’re late for school, and I’m not helping.”

Liam smiles, but it fades quickly. Theo can tell in his eyes he’s dropped the topic, but something still dances on his tongue. Theo urges him to share the thought with a gentle squeeze to the hand. 

“But you’d be a good beta.”

“Maybe.”

“I think you would be, given the chance.” He looks up to him and sees a woeful look before Theo can hide it. He knows he wants it just as much as Liam does. It’s all he’s wanted since returning to town, even if he was being manipulated before, by the doctors. 

Theo doesn’t reply - he doesn’t need to - but instead sighs. “You should get to school.”

“I know.”

“Mason has got to be worried.”

“I know.”

“Scott’s probably texted the group chat. In two minutes’ tops, there’ll be flyers around the whole town.” Liam laughs. “Pacing the floor, I bet, nervous like a mother who’s lost a pup.” The boy snorts. He used the same analogy last night.

“He’s overreacting. I’m perfectly safe here with you.”

“He doesn���t know that. If you were my beta, I’d overreact, too.”

“And you say you’d be a bad alpha.”

“I am, I promise. I have the protective gene, missed out on the leadership one. I’m clueless on how to run a pack, but I’d die a hundred times to save you.”

Liam’s not sure how to respond. Theo’s not often vulnerable, but if any conversation warrants vulnerability, this one would be it. Instead of talking, Liam looks up to him. A great blue sky meets a canopy of trees, and nothing’s needed to be said; the look conveys it all. 

“C’mon, let me drive you to school. You’ll get there faster, and we can make up an excuse along the way.”

___________________________________________

Liam manages to make it through the doors right as the bell rings. He isn’t sure which bell it is, but he rushes to class anyway, sincerely hoping it’s the first. When he gets to the room, it’s empty, but only a moment passes before it starts to fill. Liam takes a deep breath, fixes his hair, and pulls out a pen. 

“Dude!” Mason’s voice fills his ears. “Where have you been all day? It’s third period.” The boy has his arms up and Corey by his side. Both wear equally confused and concerned expressions, and Liam’s carefully concocted excuse he made with Theo blinks from his mind.

“Uhh, sleeping…”

“Sleeping? Really? Scott said you weren’t home.”

“I was… in the woods. Couldn’t sleep, actually, went for a run, but in the middle of the night, whoop! Finally got tired.”

“You’re serious?”

“With all the hunters out there and everything?” Corey asks, bouncing off his boyfriend.

“Yup. Y’know when the exhaustion just finally hits…?”

“What?” Mason shakes his head like an etch-a-sketch. “Dude.”

“I don’t know, man. Maybe I had a nightmare or something.”

“Well you better text Scott you’re okay. He’s been freaking out and asking around. He’s two seconds from texting your dad.”

“Shit.”

Quickly, he pulls out his phone to address the group chat. Sure enough, his phone is blown up from messages from his alpha, plus updates from his fellow betas on if they’ve seen him. Obviously, none of them have, putting Liam in a very tight spot. Carefully, he types out a response. 

Liam: sorry to freak you all out, i’m good, i just-

He pauses. The excuse he made with Theo is not what he just told Mason and Corey. He has to come up with something new.

-went out in the woods this morning and totally lost track of time

Liam doesn’t look at Mason nor Corey after pressing send. As soon as the bell rings, Scott’s response comes through, and it drops Liam’s stomach to his toes. 

Scott: locker room. now. 

Coach barrels through the door at the same time Liam stands to address his alpha. He looks to Liam, then to his class, then points to the boy.

“You, where are you going?”

“I need to get something from my locker. It’ll only take a minute.” The lie rolls off his tongue easily, but that’s not what sparks Corey’s attention. It’s the sickly smell of panic that follows. Liam is afraid to face Scott. Either he’s just really sorry for worrying his alpha, or he did something wrong. He shares a look with Mason as the beta leaves the room. Both wish they pressed him harder for an answer. 

Liam enters the locker room two minutes later to find Scott in the center of the two benches. His posture is rigid, although his demeanor isn’t exactly upset. He seems more concerned than anything else, which makes Liam feel both relieved and guilty. When he sees Liam, his shoulders visibly relax. 

“Liam,” he lets out a deep breath, “god, you had me freaking out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re never late for school, what happened?”

“I was… outside,” he says instead of ‘in the woods’. He was, technically, outside. “Lost track of time.”

“How? Did you not have your phone? We’ve been texting…”

“I had it, but wasn’t checking it. I was working on getting in better shape for lacrosse because I couldn’t sleep last night.” It’s all partially true. He couldn’t sleep last night, so he went to find Theo. And wrestling with Theo can be counted as getting in shape, right? He had the older boy pinned for over a minute. 

“Okay…”

Worried that Scott’s not believing him, he cries out, “I didn’t mean to make you worry! It was totally random and unplanned. I’ll make sure to check my phone next time, I just needed to distract myself, and we haven’t had sightings of hunters in a while. I was careful, though, I promise!”

“It’s okay! I just want to make sure you’re safe, that’s all.”

“I was safe. I didn’t smell anything out of the ordinary, nor did I see anyone suspicious.”

Scott nods. “See anyone at all, or just anyone suspicious?”

“What?” The question catches Liam off guard.

“Were you alone, or was there just no one that looked suspicious?”

“Oh. Um, no, I mean. There was someone running, but we didn’t talk. He was over there, I was over here.” He points with his fingers where the two of them might have been. His gestures are quick. A wave of nervousness fills Scott’s senses. Along with another scent that he can’t place. “He was gone before I’d even be able to talk, actually. He just ran past me.” Liam’s still talking when Scott snaps back to reality. His inability to recall the other scent becomes like a scratch you can’t reach. 

“And what part of the woods was this?”

“Over near the clearing. Not by the Nemeton, but like…”

“Where Coach takes us running sometimes?”

“A little further,” Liam says, just in case Scott tries to track his scent and can’t find it.

“Oh.”

“Can I go back to class now? I have Coach.”

Scott chuckles. He knows how Coach can be when students miss his class. Unfortunately, Scott’s still unsure if Liam’s telling the whole truth, but what’s he going to do about it? He doesn’t want to lose his beta’s trust by grilling him, and he can’t pull him out of class, either. 

“Yeah. Be safe, okay?”

“Okay. Sorry for worrying you.”

“It’s alright, Liam.”

It was a close call and Liam knows it. 

What he doesn’t know, though, is that now Corey is just as suspicious as Scott is. 

___________________________________________

Guilt racks through Liam for three reasons now. 

One, he lied to his alpha about what he was doing.

Two, he lied to Mason and Corey about where he was. 

Three, he still remembers what he told Theo last night. 

I would leave for you.

Maybe he should just leave, considering how he’s now found himself in a big web of lies. How are any of his packmates going to trust him again? If they find out he was not only with Theo last night, but also lied to them about being with him, he’ll be screwed. Not only that, but Liam’s been with Theo for weeks now. Ever since the war ended and Theo retreated underground, Liam has found him and snuck out of his house to be with him. This is the first time that Liam’s slipped up and forgot to check his phone, forgot to set an alarm for school, forgot that he was supposed to forget about the boy living in the ground beneath them. For weeks, Scott’s been finding and adopting betas that’ve had their lives stolen from them by the hunters. But he seems to forget that Theo, his old friend from childhood, had his own life stolen by an enemy they’ve faced and defeated. Theo isn’t as innocent as the betas he’s taking in now, but he was still a victim, and still deserves the kindness Scott seems to show everyone else. Forget about an itch, the whole thing makes Liam’s blood boil. 

You’re loyal, Theo told him, the guilt would consume you. 

As angry as he is, he knows it’s true. Liam is Scott’s first and only bitten beta. As much as he cares for those that he adopts, he and Liam have a bond that cannot be matched. Scott would be heartbroken if Liam were to leave, and Liam would feel an insurmountable amount of guilt and sadness, too. And if Liam were to leave Scott for Theo, of all people, he imagines the pain would be ten times worse. 

But still…

If Scott knew it had crossed his mind, would he finally accept him as a beta? Or would Scott retaliate and send him away? Or send Theo away? Liam then decides Scott would do the former, but then he’d talk with Stiles and Malia and they’d opt for the latter. Malia would go as far as to kill him, and then Stiles would assure him it’s for the better, not being able to smell the heavy heartache wafting off the young wolf. 

Liam breathes deeply, trying to pull himself from the tornado of thoughts in his mind. He doesn’t like thinking like this. Doesn’t like pitting his pack against each other, thinking up scenarios that may or may not ever happen. Malia, Stiles, and Scott all care for him, they wouldn’t do that.

But they all hate Theo…

“Hey,” Corey taps Liam on the shoulder. He jumps. “Are you okay?”

“Theo was right,” he blurts out. 

Silence…

“What?” Mason asks slowly, a confused look on his face. Both of their faces. 

“Um, nothing.”

“Did you say, ‘Theo’?” 

Liam looks around, expecting to see his classmates, but instead seeing way more people. “When did we get to lunch?”

“Uh, ten minutes ago. Did you say, ‘Theo’? Did you see him?”

“I thought he skipped town,” Corey adds.

“No, he’s here.” Liam pauses. “Ack, no! I don’t know where he is! I assume he’s still here.”

“Hold up,” Mason chuckles, “why are we talking about Theo again?”

“I don’t know. It slipped out. I was thinking of that time that he said something about the… it- it doesn’t matter. What were we talking about again? Movies?”

“Uh, we decided on a movie. Now we’re talking about snacks. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine! Promise!”

“Did you have a nightmare?” Mason asks.

“About Theo, maybe?” Corey adds. “Did he rip your heart out, too?”

“What? No. No nightmares, nothing to do with Theo. I don’t even think I mentioned him,” Liam tries to laugh, “think I meant to say… Thor, because you guys were talking about watching Age of Ultron? Right?”

“We were, but…”

“See, I’m listening! And snacks, we’re getting Oreos, yeah?”

“Maybe?”

“Right again.” Liam stuffs a handful of potato chips in his mouth to shut himself up and does his best to ignore the wild looks from Mason and Corey. For better or for worse, Nolan and Alec join them a moment later. The mop-headed teen takes a seat next to Liam, while his smiley sidekick is to his right. Liam hopes desperately that they change the topic, and they do. Unfortunately, though, the next one isn’t much better. 

“Scott told me yesterday that Malia might be visiting for a couple days. She’s been traveling Europe, but drunkenly admitted over the phone that she misses us,” Nolan says.

“It was only a matter of time before the little ray of sunshine came clean,” Mason jokes, earning laughs from around the table. 

Liam, however, feels his heart stop. One more Theo-hating wolf is just what he needs in this town; his worst fears are becoming true, and just when he was about to re-ask his alpha the question he already asks so often. 

Theo told him to drop it, and he really wishes he could. But the constant reminder of his absence amplified by the presence of the sixteen year old beside him makes his heart hurt.

“You okay?” Corey asks, for maybe the fifth time this hour.

“Fine. Just remembered I didn’t do my math homework last night.”

“I didn’t either, if that’s any consolation,” Nolan supplies. It’s not. 

Liam offers a chuckle in reply, but doesn’t say anything else. The pack launches into their plans for movie night. 

___________________________________________

Getting out of movie night was only easy for one reason. 

One, Liam didn’t listen to what day they had planned it, so he came up with a lie lickity-split.

“Oh, that’s tonight?” 

“Liam, we discussed this at lunch.”

“My mom is hosting people for dinner and wants me there.”

“Why didn’t you say that earlier?”

“I didn’t know the plans were for tonight, I thought you guys were talking about tomorrow night.”

“Right.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay!” Mason says quickly. “We can reschedule-”

“Noooo,” a groan erupts from Nolan, “we’ve already planned the whole thing out, guys. Liam, just cancel.”

“I can’t, it’s my mom.”

“Tell her your pack needs you.”

“She doesn’t know I’m a werewolf.”

“Ugh!”

“It’s fine, just do it without me, okay? I’ll be at the next one, no problem.”

“Mason?” Nolan turns to him, knowing he’ll be reluctant to follow through without his best friend.

“Yeah, I guess. Liam, you will be missed, but have fun at your dinner party.”

“Hah.”

After school, everyone retreats to their houses to pack and regroup at Scott’s. Liam, however, stays behind. He makes sure to get the obligatory “wish you were here” text from every pack member, announcing their arrival at the sleepover, before turning on the kitchen lights and leaving out the window. It wasn’t a total lie that he told them. His parents really would be eating dinner sometime that night. Maybe just not around the table, not with a friend, nor with him, and maybe not even at home. But dinner was still going to be had by his family, so he didn’t completely lie, he just spared a lot of truth. 

On his way to the tunnels, Liam considers shifting to reduce the risk of being seen by his pack by chance, but then remembers the ladder he’d have to take to get into the tunnels, and can already envision the headache it would be to put his clothes on in the near darkness at the bottom, so he doesn’t. Instead, he slinks around like a cat until he reaches the woods, making extra sure not to be seen since he’s technically never visited Theo before nine o’clock. The sun is still partially out, making his sneak attempt more risky than it usually is. If he’s caught, he has no clue what he’d say to Scott. 

In ten minutes’ time, Liam finds the tunnels’ entrance and climbs down the ladder, sighing in relief at his mission’s success. He starts in the direction he typically goes, a little on edge due to the slight disruption in his own routine. His heart must be racing, because sooner than later, he hears a familiar growl from behind him. Liam turns, and his heart jumps at the sight of the black wolf.

“Don’t growl at me,” he says coolly, trying to hide his excitement. 

Theo growls again anyway, then stalks up to him to nuzzle into his legs. 

“Hi,” Liam pets, letting the feeling of his soft fur wash away the worries of the day. “Boop.” He pokes his nose. 

Theo reacts quickly with a gentle bite to his knee - earning an “ow!” from Liam - and trots off to his corner. 

“Hey, wait, hold up. I’m sorry!” Liam is not sorry, but follows him anyway.

When he finally catches up to Theo, he’s shifted back and throwing a shirt over himself. Liam looks around his space, avoiding eye contact with his body, and nods. 

“You cleaned it up.”

“I had all day.” Liam holds back a chuckle, but fails and can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. “You’re here early.”

“Is that okay?”

“I’m lucky. Is something wrong?”

“No,” he shakes his head. A blush rises in his cheeks at Theo’s comment, but then his face falls as he remembers the lies he told to get here. “My parents are working.”

“Aren’t they usually working? Why do you look like you feel guilty?”

“I told the guys that they’re off today. That they’re having a big dinner I’m supposed to attend.”

“So?”

“They scheduled a movie night for tonight, out of routine. Like, they usually do them on the fifth of every month, but this one was random, and I told them I couldn’t go because my parents were having a dinner party.”

“I take it, your parents are not having a dinner party.”

“No.”

“Ah. But that’s okay, it’s out of your typical routine anyway. They can’t schedule something out of the blue and expect you to follow along.”

“Which is what I probably should’ve told them, instead of lying about my parents’ fake dinner party.”

Theo shrugs. “Knowing them, they’d probably push you into agreeing. But let me guess, you left the kitchen lights on just in case they’d check?”

“How’d you know that?”

“Because I know you, Liam,” he chuckles. Theo settles down onto his comforter and pats the spot beside him. “So why let yourself be so guilty if the reason for your lack of attendance is so reasonable?”

The boy sighs, sitting down next to him. “Because it’s not the only reason.”

“Which would be?”

“I hate doing pack shit with all these scrawny freshmen and not having you there with me.”

“You used to be the scrawny freshman, don’t you forget.”

“I’m serious! The same thing happens at every single one. Scott oversees like some overlord; Mason and Corey are on the couch making out, acting like they’re not making out; Alec and Nolan are bickering or arm wrestling; the movie goes unwatched for hours, and then everyone huddles around it in the last twenty minutes, and there’s always some Inevitable Panic that ensures when someone knocks over a drink or Ms. McCall comes home early.”

“Sounds kinda fun to me,” Theo admits.

“Well it’d be a lot more fun if you could be there with me. Maybe I wouldn’t start to resent them so much if Scott would offer the same forgiveness he gives everyone else.”

“Okay,” Theo sighs, understanding the root of Liam’s problem. “Come here.” He grabs the boy by his upper body, just as he had done the night before.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Liam questions, but then, again, lets himself be pulled down. 

“Let’s just not think about it, okay? Stay here with me.”

“Are we napping?”

“I don’t know. If you want.” But Theo yawns a moment later, and Liam nuzzles into his chest. 

“Can we shift?”

So they do. Theo stretches out across the comforter and rests his back against one of the pillows. He watches Liam circle around and around as he tries to get comfortable. Finally, Theo reaches out and bites his tail as if to say, “hurry up and lay down!” and at last, he does, pressing his body up against the black wolf. Within minutes, they’re asleep. 

___________________________________________

Theo wakes up what must be hours later to the sound of a rock being kicked down the pathway. He lifts his head immediately, wondering if it’s Liam, but then remembers Liam had come to him much earlier in the day, and is in fact, curled up beside him. Nervously, he lets out a low growl, wondering if the intruder is a threat, or possibly just a lost mouse. He hopes it’s the latter; he’s really not in the mood for a fight. 

Beside him, Liam stirs, probably from the vibration of his growl. He doesn’t wake, but Theo wonders if he should. Not only is the wolf a valuable asset in a fight, but he’s much easier to protect when he’s on his feet. Theo leans over to lick him awake, then pauses at the sound of voices. Definitely not a mouse, and instead someone who’s either stupid, or not perturbed by the low growl. He grows anxious. 

“I can’t believe they’re making us do this. It’s way too dark down here.”

“Chill out, they said these tunnels have been abandoned for, like, forever.”

“How long is forever?”

“Couple months, I don’t know?”

“A couple months?!”

Theo growls again as the voices get closer. The shuffling of feet pauses. 

“What was that?”

“I don’t know.”

Stupid kids. Probably some high schoolers on a dare. 

Theo nudges Liam with his nose before languidly licking across his muzzle. He doesn’t want to shock him awake and cause a panic, especially if it’s a threat he can easily scare away himself. Still, he wants Liam aware that they’re not alone anymore. And besides, if he were to get up, the younger wolf would probably wake in the absence of his body against his. 

“What was the dare again?”

Whoop, there it is.

“Walk five hundred feet into the stupid tunnel, take a selfie, and get out. Don’t go too far in it or we’ll get lost.”

“Great. Corey’s a dick.”

Theo stops his tongue mid-lick. Corey?

Of course, that’s when Liam finally raises his head and gives Theo a pointed look, questioning him for both the unexpected wake up and the means of doing it. When Theo doesn’t shift nor respond, Liam moves his head in a way that Theo’s learned means he’s about to bark. Immediately, he wrinkles his lip, demanding silence. Liam puts his head back down submissively. 

“So five hundred feet is how far?”

“I can’t even see the button to turn on my phone.”

“How long do you think these tunnels are? Was he joking when he said we could get lost?”

“Probably bluffing.”

Liam suddenly understands the reason for being awoken. His eyes widen in fear at the sound of the familiar voices in the distance. He tries to gesture to Theo that he recognizes them, but Theo seems to already have some idea of that. He stands, stretches lightly, then creeps to the edge of his makeshift den. Liam follows, nipping his heel slightly in a way to ask what he’s doing, but receives his answer when Theo announces his presence with a louder growl, this one, certainly heard by the boys. 

“Did you hear it that time?”

The smell of fear wafts in the air. “Yeah.”

“Wolf?”

“Well, werewolf, hopefully. Normal wolf,” Nolan pauses, “we’re fucked.”

“What do we do?”

“Give me your phone.”

“Are you gonna call Corey?”

“We’re gonna finish this dare-” Theo growls again, “-and get the fuck out of here.”

“Are you serious?! Nolan-”

“C’mon, I won’t let anything happen to you! There’s probably no service down here anyway.”

“But-”

“Smile!”

The boys both smile for the picture. Liam watches, unsure what to do, and goes to nip at Theo, but then realizes he’s no longer standing beside him. The black wolf is now crouched behind the boys, eyes glaring up into the camera, too close for their comfort if they’d turn around and realize. 

“Alright, make sure we got it and let’s go.”

Nolan clicks the photo, leading to both of them screaming as they see the wolf behind them. They waste no time rushing out of the tunnels and up the ladder. Theo and Liam can hear the clutching of the metal as they pull themselves up. Their screams are muffled out as the top goes back over the entrance, and only then, once they know they’re safe, do the two retreat back to the comforter. 

They don’t bother shifting back, but are laughing their asses off in the most wolfish way possible. Liam nips Theo’s heels, egging him on, until he engages in rougher play. They wrestle on the sheets once more, pulling at each other’s ears and loose fur, one kicking at the other when the upper hand is won. 

___________________________________________

Up on the ground, a laughing Mason and Corey are quickly faced with a very much so not-laughing Alec and Nolan, and it takes each pair a second to recognize the other’s emotions. 

“Wait, you’re not laughing?” Mason asks, pointing back and forth between the two. “But those screams were-”

“Those screams were from terror!” Nolan cuts off. “There was a wolf down there! An actual fucking wolf! We could’ve died!”

“But those tunnels are abandoned,” Scott insists, “once the Dread Doctors left, no one was living down there anymore.”

“Well clearly someone is!”

“But there’s a ladder, so it couldn’t have been a wolf,” Corey argues.

“Not unless it’s a werewolf,” Scott mutters, thinking of Derek. “I’ve never tried it, but some werewolves can shift into their entire wolf forms.”

Corey snaps his fingers. “Wait, I’ve heard of that.”

“Yeah, your guy Derek used to do it, right?” Mason fingerguns Scott, who nods. 

“Yeah.”

“So there’s another werewolf in Beacon Hills?”

“I guess?”

“Wait, we got it in the picture Alec and I took.” Nolan says, still out of breath. “Alec, show him the picture.”

The boy, also panting, pulls up the picture. “One, proof we did your dumb dare. Two, proof of wolf, in tunnels. Never going back.”

Nolan gives him a congratulatory pat on the back as the three older boys inspect the photo. Mason and Scott stare questioningly, but Corey’s heartbeat quickens after a moment’s look. 

“Holy shit.”

“What?”

“I think that’s Theo.”

___________________________________________

It takes ten minutes for Liam and Theo to settle back down. Their play ended similarly to how it always does - Liam pushes Theo past his patience until the latter gets dominant, and when he’s satisfied with the rise he’s gotten out of him, Liam submits. Now, Liam lays across the black wolf’s front paws, chest exposed, while Theo licks around his mouth and neck. 

Neither is sure when they grew so comfortable with intimacy, but in their wolf forms, it’s like second nature. They cuddle as humans, and aren’t afraid to admit when they need each other’s company, but as much as they both desire it, they’ve never taken it any further. Maybe it’s the bond they’ve formed with Theo being the one to teach him how to shift, or maybe it’s just easier to be close when they can’t speak with real words. Regardless of what it is, they find themselves shifting more and more just to be closer without acknowledging that it’s what they both want. 

So caught up in each other, neither hear the sound of the heavy slate being moved away from the entrance, nor the ladder squeaking slightly as someone climbs down, nor the nearly inaudible voice asking which way to go. 

Theo was taught to always be alert and on guard, no matter the instance. He’d never know who was secretly hunting him, so he should be prepared for anything. Not only was that an innate trait brought on by being turned, but it was something the doctors grilled into him. Never get caught. Never let us be found out. 

Well clearly he failed at that. And now, he was failing at this, too. 

He can’t help it, though. Not when Liam is between his paws, chewing on his jaw like that. His paws pushed up against Theo’s fur, pads soft and barely used. He’d only learned how to shift about a month ago, much unlike Theo, whose are rough from years of running. 

He senses him before he sees him, but both are two seconds too late. Red glowing eyes duck into Theo’s den. A growl erupts from the intruder’s throat. Liam rolls immediately, rising to his feet, then tucking tail behind Theo in the presence of his alpha. Theo stands, heart racing, and returns a growl of his own. 

“Theo?” Scott asks. Theo’s ears perk up; he didn’t know Scott could recognize him in this form. “What are you doing down here?”

Theo plays dumb and tilts his head, refusing to shift to answer his questions.

“Who is that?” Scott nods to the tawny wolf behind him. 

He bares his teeth at the alpha, warning him to leave. Scott doesn’t budge.

“Theo, I’m not gonna ask you twice.”

He growls more, standing up to Scott. 

“Okay. What about this? If I duck out for a moment, would you shift back so we can talk? We don’t have to fight, I just want to talk.” Scott receives a wrinkled lip. “Please. Your friend, too.” When Theo takes another step towards him, Scott shakes his head. “Or just you, that’s fine.”

Theo bows his head, seemingly willing to comply. Scott raises his hands and disappears for a moment, but listens just in case. Out of sight, he hears a small whine that’s quickly corrected by a gentle bite. One of the wolves shakes, then retreats and lies down on something soft. Scott didn’t get a good look inside the den. He saw the black wolf and his cowering friend. 

A moment later, the sound of a belt fastening makes its way to Scott’s ears. Fabrics are thrown around as the shifted chimera dons on his clothes, and a moment later, Theo’s poking his head out with an irritated look. 

“What do you want?”

“So it is you.”

“What do you want?” Theo repeats. 

“I want to know who scared my pack out of the tunnels. Thought these tunnels were abandoned after the doctors left.”

“They were.”

“You’re here.”

“Well then they’re not anymore.”

Scott rolls his eyes. “Theo-”

“Look, I don’t know what the problem is with me staying here. I’m not in your way. I haven’t seen you in weeks. You didn’t even know I was still in Beacon Hills. The only reason I scared your betas is because they came too close to my space, okay? And since I don’t have a pack, or anywhere to actually live, I’m down here, so I’m a bit protective of my space.”

“Fine. But who’s that other wolf in there?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Is it another chimera? Is it a lone wolf that found the tunnels that you took in?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Theo-”

“Is it so bad that I’m not entirely alone down here? Huh? My whole life, I was alone, with no one but the Dread Doctors for company. I know they were bad to you all, but they were bad to me, too. So now that I’m finally free of them and minding my own business, why do you think it’s okay to barge in here asking questions, when I know you don’t care about me?”

Scott sighs. “You know what? Fine. I don’t care about you. But I do care about that other wolf in there, because anyone alone with you is someone possibly in a great deal of danger. So if you’d just-”

“Scott!”

Scott’s and Theo’s stomachs both drop at the sound of Liam’s voice coming from the den entrance. Slowly, they both turn. Theo mouths a “what are you doing”, while Scott’s jaw drops open in speechless surprise. 

“Leave him alone,” Liam continues, eyes on the verge of tears. 

“Liam, what the hell are you doing down here?”

“Nothing,” Theo says quickly, “he got lost and is leaving.” He makes quick steps towards the boy, using his back to block him from Scott, and asks his question again at a volume only Liam can hear. Without replying, Liam looks up at him. Storm clouds threaten rain over the dark, oak trees, and Theo takes a deep sigh before stepping away so Liam can face his alpha. 

“Liam…”

“I’m safe,” he assures, “I’m always safe when I’m down here.”

“How often are you down here?”

“More than you’d want to know.”

Scott sighs and slumps his weight against the tunnel wall. “Just… why?”

“Why what?”

“Why… everything? Why Theo? Why are you in the tunnels? Why did you skip pack night to hide in the tunnels with Theo? And why did you look like a fully shifted wolf just a second ago, when I don’t even know how to do that?!”

“Theo taught me,” he says quickly, proud of himself, but then remembers he’s talking to his alpha and slumps his shoulders. “I mean, it’s really easy. Once you… know how.”

“Why are you with him, of all people?”

“Because I trust him,” Liam answers honestly, picking at the skin around his fingernails. 

Scott laughs at that. Actually laughs, and Liam tries not to burst into tears. “You can’t trust him, Liam! When has he given us a reason to trust him?!”

“During the war, do you not remember?! He saved my life, pulling me into the elevator, and then pushed me out of the way of a hundred incoming bullets. He fought for us, Nolan included, even after he learned what he did to me. And at the zoo, when we were paired together against the hunters, he kept me safe again and prevented me from hurting Nolan, when in the moment, I really, really wanted to. I know he did some bad things before, but he’s paid for them. He’s trying to be better. He is doing better.”

“But Liam-”

“No, I’m not finished. You didn’t give up on me when I had trouble on full moons. You were patient, and helped me through it, and I don’t have trouble with them anymore. And then with all these new betas, you’ve opened your pack up to them and given them a safe place to be, and a home. All these former lone wolves who were all victims of something. And here, Theo is both of those things, he is trying to be better, and he’s suffered just as much as your new betas, yet every time I ask if you can forgive him and just let him try to integrate into the pack, you reject me. So yeah, I don’t really feel like doing pack bonding shit when Theo’s down here by himself in silence and complete darkness. And maybe I’m in the tunnels because I’m here more nights than I’m not, because the nightmares never really went away, but when I’m with him, I feel safe. And yeah, why Theo, maybe because when I’m overwhelmed and on the verge of an episode, he’s the only one that can calm me down. Not you, not Derek’s mantra, not anyone or anything else, but Theo.”

“Liam, you can’t trust him-”

“I can’t, or you can’t?”

“-you’re my beta!”

“Who has never felt less like your beta in these last few weeks. Look, I stumbled upon Theo by accident. It really did start off with nightmares, because I could never sleep, but I didn’t feel safe in the woods because of the hunters” - Scott immediately picks out a lie. Liam had told him he was late to school because he was working out for lacrosse in the woods. - “so I went down into the tunnels and ran into him there. He’s never come close to hurting me in all the times I’ve been down here.”

“You told me this morning you were practicing in the woods.”

Liam visibly gulps. “I knew you wouldn’t take it well if I said where I actually was.”

“You lied to me,” Scott says, tone harsh. He thinks about his own words.

One, his beta worked long enough on a lie that he could pass it by Scott undetected. 

Two, he was afraid to tell his alpha the truth of where he’d been. 

Scott swallows hard. 

“I didn’t want to.”

“Did Theo make you?”

Technically, yes, but it was to protect him. All Theo’s ever done is protect Liam. 

“I knew that I needed to,” he replies instead. 

Scott listens to his heartbeat. No irregularities. He eyes the pair again. 

“I thought your smell was off earlier. I couldn’t place it.”

“The tunnels are damp,” Liam offers, “even though I smelled like him, it was faint.”

“And why would you smell like him?”

Liam shrugs, seemingly unbothered by the question. “The den is small.”

Scott nods that he wants to see it, so Theo begrudgingly lets him in. Scott ducks inside to find the same set-up that’s been there for weeks now, except the comforter is all messed up from them playing. “I was wondering where the gray one went.”

“He ripped it on purpose after he found me down here.”

Liam nods in agreement. “It’s cold down here, and the ground is hard. Luckily, it was getting worn anyway so my mom didn’t ask questions.”

“So what, do you lay on this thing together? Is that why it’s so messed up right now?”

“Well, yeah,” Liam replies, sending a shudder through Scott at the thought of them being so close. “But we were fighting earlier, that’s why it’s a mess.”

“Fighting?”

“Rough-housing,” Theo corrects.

Scott narrows his eyes. “As wolves?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you sleep like that, too?”

“Sometimes. It’s more comfortable that way,” Liam admits with a shrug. 

Scott stares vacantly at the comforter, a thousand thoughts in his mind but none rolling off his tongue. Liam grows more anxious with every moment his alpha doesn’t speak, while Theo gets irritated with the older boy’s silence, smelling the fear emitting from the beta. 

“Are you mad at me?” Liam finally blurts out.

“What? Um, no. I don’t know. I’m… disappointed.”

“That’s almost worse,” he mutters. Theo wants to comfort him, nuzzle into his neck, but doubts Scott would appreciate that much. 

“Does the pack know? Mason? Corey?”

“What? No! I haven’t told anyone, because I know you’d all have the same response.”

“If you know we’d react that way, why’d you do it anyway? If something inside you knows it’s wrong, why continue to do it and hide it from us?”

“Because I don’t think it is wrong! If anything, I think it’s more wrong that you all refuse to give him a second chance.”

“But Liam-”

“Don’t ‘but Liam’ me, I already know what you’re going to say; you’re going to repeat the same dumb shit you’ve told me a thousand times before: he can’t be trusted, he’s done too many bad things, blah blah blah, I thought Stiles was the one that held grudges, not you!”

Scott sighs, realizing the truth to his words. Stiles would always push people away, while Scott always tried to see the good in them. 

“Y’know how sick I’ve been over this these last couple weeks? How apart from the pack I’ve felt? You’re gone most of the time, but have left me in charge, and I don’t feel any kind of bond to these new betas. You’re the alpha, you’re the one with the connection. I’m barely keeping my head above water. I choose to be down here, because lately, he seems to be the only person actually interested in listening, instead of judging!”

Scott doesn’t reply. He doesn’t know how, yet. He thinks back to all the times Liam calmly asked about Theo. He’d slip it into casual conversation, asking if he’d heard from him, or if he’d ever consider letting him join. Sometimes, during pack meetings, he’d come up with a crucial detail in a plan, and when Scott complimented him on it, he’d mutter a small, “that’s what Theo would do.” Other times, though, he would outright ask that if the chimera ever returned to town, if he’d be allowed in. Liam rarely mentioned him around his fellow betas, but he spoke of him enough to Scott that he knew he was on his mind. Scott’s kicking himself now for not realizing it sooner, that Theo never really left town, and Liam never got over him. 

“Liam, I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I-”

“If this is going to be another bullshit rejection, save it.”

“It’s not.” Scott holds up his hands. He’s a little shocked by the curse word used by his beta, but tries to not let it show on his face. “I haven’t been listening, not really. I have been caught up in tracking down the hunters and new betas, and in doing so, I’ve been completely neglecting the pack-”

“I don’t care about myself, I just wish you’d realize that he’s changed. A lot. And I think he’d do well in a pack. He’d make a good beta, given the chance.”

“I know you can see it. I just… I struggle with trusting him because he almost killed me,” Scott says the last few words a little softer, but both still hear him. He quiets more out of disapproval from himself than judgment from them. 

“But I almost killed you, too…”

“But you’re my beta,” he repeats. 

Liam says nothing, and in that moment, Scott realizes how close he is to actually losing his beta over this. Liam loves Theo - whether he chooses to confess that emotion or not - and is willing to sacrifice his place in the pack to be with him. In fact, the only reason the impulsive boy hasn’t yet, must be because of the one who’s seemingly become his anchor, reminding him why he can’t. 

Scott remembers how badly Theo wanted to be a part of his pack. Stiles refused, no matter how much Scott wanted to trust him. In retaliation, he tried to build his own, only for a hunger for power to knock it down. Theo knows he wasn’t a good alpha, but Scott does think he might have the potential to be a good beta, if he could prove himself. 

Maybe if Liam trusts him, Scott can learn to trust him, too. 

“Liam?”

“Yes?”

“Do you remember that time Garrett tried to get the upper hand on us by trapping you in that well?” Scott doesn’t miss the way Theo’s heart skips with sudden rage. 

“Yes.”

“Or that time you and Hayden got taken and we couldn’t find you anywhere?”

“Yeah?”

“What about when Gerard threatened that the best way to break up the pack was to kill you? Because the bitten betas are always the ones with the closest bonds to their alphas?”

“Mhm.”

“All these incidents are times where someone’s threatened to hurt you, and it took an indescribable amount of self control for me not to hurt them back. I know I haven’t been showing it lately, but I still care for you the same as I have these past years. Not to be selfish, but it would wreck me to lose you. I can’t lose you, Liam.”

“I know,” he replies, tone choking as if he could cry at any minute. He tries to say more - about how he doesn’t really want to, how his heart is torn in two different ways - but he can’t spit out more than a stutter on the first word. “Do-” he looks to Theo, then to Scott, “do you remember what happened after you saved me from the well?”

Scott narrows his eyes. “Yeah, we went to the clinic to get the wolfsbane out of your chest.”

“It was the first time I truly started to trust you,” he admits. “You reached me just in time and pulled me out. I had been skeptical of the supernatural world, and weary of trusting you, until that night. I felt safe around you after that.” Scott blinks, unsure where he’s going with this. “I still trust you, Scott, with my life. I want Theo to experience that same security. That feeling of knowing someone has your back. I know he can be a good beta, I’ll guide him.”

Scott’s still hesitant, but Liam’s pleading face tugs at his heartstrings. He can’t lose his beta over this, not to Theo, not to anyone. And besides, he has a point. Scott has always been the one to give second chances, even if they’re not always deserving of it. 

“He’s not going to change his mind, Li,” Theo mutters, sitting down on the comforter. Scott makes a mental note of it; it’s almost a submission to the alpha in the room, to sit down while the other stands. A subtle yield, despite the challenge in his words. “You heard him, he doesn’t care for me.”

A mix of sadness and nervousness floods Liam’s body. He looks down at Theo as if he wants to join him, but fears Scott’s judgment.

“It’s not that I don’t care, Theo, I shouldn’t have used those words. I just… I need to put my pack first. When I bring new betas in, they need to be accepted by everyone.” Scott pauses, figuring out the best way to word this. “Liam, I should’ve listened to you better. You’ve asked me about Theo many times, and while I partly thought he had left, I should’ve known, especially from your persistence, that he hadn’t.”

“Told you to drop it, Liam,” Theo mutters again. Scott catches it, mouth twitching in slight amusement. 

“I didn’t realize how it would affect you for me to bring in new betas while ignoring your requests. I was blinded by what happened in the past and wrongfully held it against him, even though I can recognize how he helped us in the war.”

“So what’s that mean?” Liam says, finally sitting criss-cross beside Theo. Their knees just barely touch, but neither seem to mind. 

“Well first it means I’m sorry, to both of you, for not giving second chances where they were due, and not looking out for your needs. I hope you can both forgive me for that, and that it’s enough for you to stay.” He looks straight at Liam, who’s eyes dart to the ground. 

The beta nods, but his voice trembles as he replies, “I can’t stay unless…”

“I know. If Theo can forgive me, I’d like to invite him to stay, too.”

Liam’s eyes carefully meet Scott’s. “You mean…?”

“I do, as long as he can prove to be a good beta. Gain the pack’s trust as he’s gained yours.”

“Theo?” Liam nudges him with his knee.

The chimera’s heartbeat quickens with excitement, yet he keeps his tone steady. “What if I can’t gain their trust? What if they start to distrust Liam for bringing me in? Or you?”

“I think you’ll find them a lot more forgiving now than they were during the war. Tensions are much lower. They’re a good group, and they trust Liam and I to make good decisions.”

“What about Stiles, then?”

“I’ll talk to him,” Scott promises. “We can keep him in the dark for now, until you get settled, but I’ll assure him you’ve changed.”

“So you believe it? That I have?”

“I’ll be honest, while I can see it, it might take me a little more time to gain your full trust. Though, I do trust Liam, so if he does, I know I can, too. As long as you remain loyal, trust will grow. That goes for everyone in the pack.”

The chimera eyes Scott for any waiverance. He listens to his heart for an irregular beat. Finding nothing in him but sincerity, he nods. “Okay.”

Liam smiles immediately, bringing a smile to Scott’s own face. Scott then nods back to Theo. “Okay. I’m going to go back to the pack and let them know. We’re actually all together tonight, so if you want, it’s the perfect time to introduce you. And we can establish a fresh start between some of you guys.” The pair agree. “Alright, well would you like to meet us at my house in an hour or so? Give both of you time to, y’know, prepare.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Liam?”

“Mhm!”

“Okay.”

“And Theo?”

“Yeah?”

“Pack up your stuff. We’ll find you somewhere more safe and secure to live, even if that means staying in the spare bedroom at my house, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll talk to my mom. She’ll understand.”

“I can talk to mine,” Liam suggests. He wears a look of pride that makes Theo roll his eyes. A thousand times, Liam’s begged Theo to stay at his, but the boy’s always refused. Now, he might finally get his way. 

“Yeah,” Scott agrees, “my mom can talk to her, too, or your dad.”

“Fine,” he says to Liam, sharp tone confusing Scott just a little, “you win.”

“Ha!” Scott then watches his beta catch Theo completely off guard, pushing his shoulder so hard he falls to the side. Theo reacts immediately, rolling back up to grab the wolf’s arms and hold them still. “Let go!”

“You started it!” Liam leans forward to bite his knuckles, bringing Theo to let go of one hand and smack him gently on the nose. “Ah, no biting.”

“Fucker-”

“One condition,” Scott says suddenly, noticing the way their play so closely resembles that of wolves. Both take their hands off each other and look at him, curious. “You have got to teach me how to fully shift.”

Theo smiles - a genuinely happy smile - and nods. “Deal.”

Scott gives a thumbs up before leaving the boys’ makeshift den, then prepares the best way to deliver the news. Despite his hesitancy, he’s glad things worked out the way they have tonight. Liam looks the happiest he’s been in a while, and after seeing how he and Theo are together, he does think the latter could do well in a pack. Convincing the others might take some time, but it’s necessary, and in the long run, it may have been well worth it. 

Scott looks back for one second before the two leave his line of vision. Instead of packing, both have fully shifted again and are wrestling on the comforter. 

“Fighting?” He had asked. 

“Rough-housing,” Theo corrected. 

Liam - the tawny wolf slightly bigger than Theo - nips behind the black wolf’s ear and forces him into submission. Scott’s eyes widen at not only his dominance, but also at how Theo lets him. He holds him down and chews on his neck affectionately. A moment later, Theo finally bites back, targeting his paws, until he’s towering over Liam, and now, Liam lets him, without any fight. Scott watches for a little longer, stunned by the sight of the long, gentle licks wetting the fur on Liam’s face. Their heartbeats slow as they both relax, previously thumping only due to excitement.

Well worth it, Scott thinks again, heading towards the ladder.

[saintsenara]

🪨 ⚡️💧for the weather asks, please!

thank you very much for the ask, anon - thank you very much for the ask, anon - and thank you for celebrating the start of autumn [although the sun is still bravely shining here] with the weather ask game.

i'm going to combine it with this from @the-purple-dragon:

🪨 landslide: which wip has the most worldbuilding?

answered here.

⚡️lightning: have you ever spontaneously added something to your story that you wouldn't have added normally? if so, what made you do it?

let's answer this one for scylla and charybdis.

and the answer is yes i have, and the motivation was spite.

i alluded once on here to not liking a certain fic because of its depiction of wizarding politics. then - while i'm choosing to take this as a tick for my ability to occasionally be tactful - i got several replies saying that i should try the very fic i was talking about to change my mind... then i got several replies to those replies saying that the commenter didn't think i'd like the fic in question because its worldbuilding is "too dark".

which gagged me a bit... since the reason i dislike this fic isn't because i think its worldbuilding is too dark, it's because i think it's bad.

so i've made both the wizarding politics and the reason for the tag "graphic descriptions of corpses" ten percent longer, ten percent more miserable, and ten percent more detailed. and i think it's working, so thank you to the person who did me that solid.

💧rain: what's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

and let's answer this one for the war of the roses.

i'm going to keep the actual text hidden for now... but it's when sirius finds out that snape was the person who told voldemort about the prophecy. you've got a while to go yet [the slow burn here is slow] but it will be agony.

of the chapters already published in that fic, the most emotional scenes - if we take "emotional" to cover angry-horny as well as tearjerking - are sirius thinking about killing [and other things...] snape:

He spends the next two days fantasising about wringing Snape’s neck - not sleeping, not eating, not thinking about Harry, not even wrapping his lips around the whisky bottle - doing nothing but coughing and sniffling and picturing his hands closing tight around Snape’s pallid throat - with its prominent adam’s apple, with its wiry tendons which shudder down to delicate clavicles - and just pushing - hard, ruthless - like the body underneath him might collapse in on itself - hollow - with enough force. He imagines counting down the seconds until Snape lost consciousness - his heartbeat crashing in his ears - watching him choke - watching his skin mottle, watching his sallowness vanish as his face was suffused with blood - feeling his hands scrabbling desperately for purchase against the front of his robes - trying to throw him off but only pulling him closer - and feeling his body twitching underneath him - seeing his eyes grow bloodshot, seeing them darken as the light left them. He thinks about blood - watery blood, the sort that’s mostly spit - bubbling up at the corner of Snape’s sneering mouth. He thinks about Snape going limp in his arms, his head lolling forward until it rests against Sirius’ shoulder. He thinks about pressing his face to the greasy crown of Snape’s head, of detecting the coppery scent of gore there when he breathes in. He thinks of Snape’s hands sliding up and down his back. He thinks of Snape’s hands wrapping around his cock - he gets so fucking hard when he thinks about killing him and he doesn’t know why and he doesn’t want to think about it - and Snape’s teeth sinking into his shoulder and Snape’s breath on his face and James -

�� flood: how many wips do you have?

yes.

[wayward-dreamer]

Experimental

Square/s Filled: Sex toys @spnkinkevents / butt plugs @spnaubingo / FREE @anyfandomkinkbingo

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Word count: 795

Summary: As a casual relationship develops into something more, Dean and Y/N find themselves comfortable to express secret desires to each other.

Warnings: Swearing, implied smut: dom/sub elements, rough sex, sex toys, implied anal sex

A/N: I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. It's all been stop/start for me, but I'm hoping that changes soon. Happy reading and enjoy! :)

**A/N 2: After battling formatting for nearly an hour and a half and nothing saving, I've decided to forego tags for this post because it just wouldn't let me do it. I'm beyond frustrated rn, and I need to find a new way to do this, I feel. Probably a library blog, that seems like the most common fix to this issue. So stay tuned for that I guess!!**

Dean didn’t have time for a traditional relationship. Neither did she.

Well, that’s what they told themselves and each other when things started up between them months ago. As time passed, and they spent more time together thanks to his friends embracing her into the group, they got closer. They talked about anything and everything that came to mind, told each other things from their pasts that they hadn’t shared with many people, and shared certain secrets they would never voice to anyone. Some of those secrets were ones that neither of them would ever speak of again, and others were ones that they were both willing to act on if the other was just as keen.

When they started sleeping together, the sex was incredible, to say the least. They explored each other in ways neither of them had properly experienced, and soon it was established that they were both adventurous, wanting to try new things in the bedroom that they hadn’t with other partners.

Dean learnt that there wasn’t much Y/N was opposed to. He had tied her down, blindfolded her on several occasions, used every toy she had on her, spanked her ass raw, choked her, used that incredible mouth of hers, called her every degrading name in his vocabulary (which really drove her insane), and contorted her into every position she could handle. Bringing her pleasure in every sense of the word had been incredibly satisfying, and if he could spend the rest of his life doing that he would.

Y/N learnt that Dean loved giving her the attention she craved, but every now and then he needed something for himself as well. He hadn’t been brave enough to voice those desires, until she finally got it out of him one night exactly what he wanted from her.

It started off simple. Holding him a little closer, a little tighter, running her fingers through his hair, telling him how amazing she felt because of how he fucked her, telling him how good he was. Some days he relinquished control completely, letting her dominate him in ways he had never been comfortable with before, until now. She had tied him down just like he had her, blindfolded him too, exploring parts of his body no one else had. She used her talented fingers, her skilled mouth and tongue, breaching the ring of muscle and sending him over the edge sooner than he was expecting.

It had felt amazing, on a different level, leaving him comfortable enough to ask her for more as time went on and their relationship continued to grow without either of them realizing it.

“You okay?” she asked, her lips lightly pressed against the bare skin of muscular back.

“Yeah,” he answered breathlessly, nodding quickly.

“You know, you don’t have to-” she started to tell him he could back out, but he glanced back at her, his gaze cutting her words off.

“Hey, I’m nothing if not experimental, sweetheart,” he reassured her, wiggling his eyebrows as he smirked. “Let’s do this.”

She smiled briefly before she shifted closer to him. “Okay…”

She brought the item in her hand up to her face, opening her mouth and dragging the length of the plug against her tongue, sucking softly as she continued the slow pace of her fingers in and out of the puckered hole. She pulled it out of her mouth as the same time she removed her fingers, bringing it down between the globes of his ass. She watched him shift against the sheets as she inserted it, gently, giving him time to get used to the feeling until it was completely buried inside.

He groaned, the sound turning into a rough chuckle as he choked. “Fuck.”

“How does it feel?” she asked, softly, worried that he might be regretting the idea to do this.

“It’s uh… it’s different,” he grunted, his eyebrows creased as he looked back at her.

Before she got a chance to speak, his facial expression eased, the initial discomfort giving way to pleasure. His eyes sparkled with a new glint, and she knew they were going to have a great time exploring that.

“Good different?” she questioned, biting her lip as she saw his face.

“Oh yeah,” he whispered, smirking.

She beamed as she shifted back, letting him turn onto his back, a soft growl escaping him as the plug moved within him. She straddled him, her hands pressed into his chest as she leaned down, kissing him sensually. He breathed deeply as she pulled away, their darkened eyes meeting as they smiled at each other. Something was changing between them, and that should’ve been scary, but their complete trust in each other outweighed that.

“This is gonna be so much fun.”

[hils79]

Thanks for tagging me (ages ago I'm sorry I suck) @puppy-phum

-

1. why did you choose your url?

I am so boring I almost want to apologise for it. My url is just my nickname and the year I was born (yes, I am old).

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

I don't really use my sideblogs much. I've got one that I haven't used for years that I used to post some of my photography on @hal-photography. I've got one for an old UK convention that folded during the pandemic but that I used to do the marketing for @writerconuk and I've got a whump blog that I use to reblog my favourite whumpy gifs so that they're easy to find. Not sharing that one because I do not wish to be Perceived.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

My original blog was set up in 2010. I had to nuke it after some unpleasantness in the Supernatural fandom (isn't it always SPN) and I've had this current once since 2011 I think

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nah, I don't queue things as a general rule. I do a bunch of reblogging first thing in the morning while I'm scrolling in bed and that's more or less it

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was looking for a new home after Livejournal finally properly died and most fandom folk were here at that time

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a piece of DMBJ art that my housemate comissioned as a Christmas present a couple of years ago. I love it, and it was made specifically for me, so I made it my header and my icon

7. why did you choose your header?

Same as above

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

This RDJ/Paul Bettany exchange I ripped from Twitter. I have no idea why it ended up with 20k notes

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I honestly have no idea. Lots.

10. how many followers do you have?

Argh now I'm going to have to go and look. 2421. Wow.

11. how many people do you follow?

Wow this thing is really exposing me. 1908. I generally follow back so long as I can see that the person is an active fandom blog where we have at least one fandom in common.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I mostly shitpost in the tags

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Generally for an hour in the morning before I get up and then however long it takes me to liveblog my next drama episode in the evening

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No, I don't think so. Not that I can remember anyway. I generally try and avoid conflict and if someone is annoying me I just block them and/or vent about it in a safe space with friends I trust.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

Makes me less inclined to reblog them tbh. Don't tell me what to do in my own house.

16. do you like tag games?

I am so bad at remembering to do them when I get tagged (see above about only really being on tumblr for an hour a day) but I do appreciate it every time someone thinks of me

17. do you like ask games?

Yeah, same as above. I love them but I am crap at remembering to answer the asks. I'm very sorry.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I'm not sure I could name anyone who is tumblr famous beyond the actual celebrities who hang out here (like Lynda Carter)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have mutuals I admire and wish I was brave enough to talk to more but I wouldn't really call them crushes. As an aroace I don't really do crushes.

20. tags?

I'm going to tag a few of my newer mutuals so I can get to know them a bit better. Absolutely no pressure though @prolestari @queenbeyondthejudge @fangirl-bookaholic @huzzzah @life-is-all-about-perspective @loving-that-officey-feel @greenyball @hwasfeatherduster

[otomiyaa]

Top 23 of 2023

Top 23 of 2023 on Tumblr is out and it made me remember something....!!! For those who also remember, I started this game last year and I just thought it would be nice to do it again. For reference, my post is ofc long gone, but here's Mia's~~

Tagging: @ticklygiggles & Everyone who wants to do it lol

Part 1: Fandom Faves 

01. Favorite new fandoms of the year: Red, White & Royal Blue, Honkai Star Rail

02. Favorite new ships since this year: Henry x Alex (RWRB) Sampo x Gepard (HSR), Ballister x Ambrosius (Nimona)

03. Favorite anime/TV shows of the year: Atarashii Joushi wa Do Tennen, Our Flag Means Death Season 2, Niehime to Kemono no Ou

04. Favorite movies of the year: Red White and Royal Blue, Nimona

05. Favorite characters of the year: Furina!!!! (Genshin Impact), also Gepard Landau (Honkai Star Rail), Miguel O'Hara (Across the Spiderverse), and a big honorable mention to the Fontaine gang in Genshin Impact (especially Freminet and Neuvillette)!

06. Favorite soundtrack of the year: Genshin Impact - Fontaine soundtrack and the Our Flag Means Death Season 2 soundtrack

07. Favorite book/manga/comic of the year: The Work Love Balance manhwa, and RWRB which is older but I discovered it thanks to the movie coming out.

08. Favorite games of the year: Genshin Impact, still my fav^^

09. Highlight of this year to remember: Bowuigi trending as a ship.

Part 2: Community Review

10. Favorite Tumblr moments of 2023: Tickletober with the very own list Mia and I created, and even though it was a negative thing at first - getting swarmed with kind words from you guys after I lost my blog. I'm a mere humble person but you guys seriously made me feel a little important for a moment there ^///^

11. Favorite fan art of the year: Hard to say, but I'll say this sampard piece I got from Val baby for my bday, and this Ukatake commission by @dokidoki-muffin, this spiderdads commission by @giulscomix, and this Ittorou commission by @chibimochii have also stolen my heart!

And ofc all other commissions of this year (the bowuigi one fs;ijogij; and miguel one omggg, the pokemon commission so CUTE). And *wiggles fingers* I have more on the way....

12. Favorite fic of the year: Hard to say but I've been enjoying a lot of the Tickletober works specifically by @lovelynim and @ticklygiggles, and also this Nimona fic by @bambinella has become a fav, and all RWRB fics by @kourtniwritesagain!!!!! I still need to reblog them here.

13. Favorite ask game of the year: I can't remember which ones I played, but I remember there was a time I had reblogged "post your anonymous confessions" or something, and it resulted in the most interesting asks and conversations with you guys^^ I liked that.

14. My top achievements as a writer/artist/creator/blogger: If I'll be around in a year, this won't be 'writer' but 'blogger', but for this one as a writer, it'll again be completing all 31 days of tickletober right on schedule despite a minor intervention.. :"D

15. My own best fic/post of the year: I have no idea! But if I ask AO3, it answers that my best fic of this year is my bowuigi fic mahahaha (based on kudos btw).

16. My most underappreciated fic/post of the year: Let's give that award to these 2 poor Tickletober fics (which I enjoyed writing a lot) that were not reblogged by anyone meaning they are no longer on Tumblr since my account loss:

Day 21: Horns/Fangs | Sariphi x Leonhart, King of Beasts (Niehime to Kemono no Ou) 

Day 23: Party | Momose x Shirosaki (Atarashii Joushi wa Do Tennen) 

17. A post of mine that got more popularity than expected: My comeback post! The comments, likes and even reblogs, I couldn't have ever imagined.

18. Something I changed on my blog since this year: You tell me 😂 No but besides the whole blog change, another change is that I got over my embarrassment and was brave enough to commission a couple of artists this year. Me and my money are now in a happy place!

Part 3: Next Year

19. Something I didn’t post this year but would like to do next year: A fic recommendations/faves post (from other writers). Wonder if I'll ever get to it, since my reading and fic reblogging is already not what I like it to be, meaning that every fic I reblog would probably belong on that list lol. But alright, I'd like to make a faves of the faves list then.

20. Goals for next year: Read more...!!! Read more books, more manga, more webtoons, more tickle fics. I love them, so I should read more! My truest ambition.

21. 2024 releases I look forward to the most: Every single update for Genshin Impact and Honkai Star Rail, and also: Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, Inside Out 2, Deadpool 3, Venom 3, Kimi ni Todoke S3, and Beastars Final Season!

22. Something else I look forward to next year: Traveling to Japan with my boyfriend! Also: receiving more tickles cuz why not. And last but not least, seeing Taylor Swift live at the Eras Tour in Amsterdam!

Part 4: Spreading Love

23. Shoutouts to people who made my 2023 a better year: I know, and you might know, I didn't do so well last time since I tagged a bunch of friends but also forgot to mention some... not because I didn't care about them but because I am a flopper. So to prevent this embarrassment I won't mention any names this time.

I especially would like to thank everyone who is still around, who is reading this, who followed my new blog. To be honest, on my old blog I felt flattered to have so many followers but I was also aware it was the effect of being active for 7 years in a ton of fandoms, and that it didn't say anything about the accurate number of people appreciating what I was posting.

But to be at already almost 500 followers on this blog? Where I only post shit? Now that's a compliment I will gladly accept. Thank you to all of you for the support!

Last but not least, special shoutout to the friends I talk to on Discord sooo much now, you know who you are!

Question list for copy paste below!

Part 1: Fandom Faves 

01. Favorite new fandoms of the year

02. Favorite new ships since this year 

03. Favorite anime/TV shows of the year 

04. Favorite movies of the year

05. Favorite characters of the year

06. Favorite soundtrack of the year

07. Favorite book/manga/comic of the year

08. Favorite games of the year

09. Highlight of this year to remember

Part 2: Community Review

10. Favorite Tumblr moments of 2023

11. Favorite fan art of the year

12. Favorite fic of the year

13. Favorite ask game of the year

14. My top achievements as a writer/artist/creator/blogger

15. My own best fic/post of the year

16. My most underappreciated fic/post of the year

17. A post of mine that got more popularity than expected

18. Something I changed on my blog since this year

Part 3: Next Year

19. Something I didn’t post this year but would like to do next year

20. Goals for next year

21. 2024 releases I look forward to the most

22. Something else I look forward to next year

Part 4: Spreading Love

23. Shoutouts to people who made my 2023 a better year

[elviraaxen]

im new here, so im sorry if this is a question youve answered before but tumblr's search bar failed me in finding this to be previous answered but.. uhmmm

c... can we make ocs/personas for Felt World? or would you rather we not or we hold off until further in?? bc i would love to make a puppet give our cowboy a smooch before he is, i assume bc he is a fucking catch and a half, taken off the market in canon lol i assume he wont still be single by the end. im a tad bit too embarrassed to ever post such drawings, but i wanted to know in case i ever did become brave enough to make them public if such you would be welcome to be tagged in or if that would make you feel uncomfortable

and also, for that purpose: as someone with disabilities, im really curious how disabilities are translated into Felt World? obviously not all of them, that'd take forever. but i was curious if they use mobility aids just like ours or if they use ones we could not have (an example of what i mean could be like "seal-chairs" in "Witch Hat Atelier"? they are chairs with hooves that run and jump, as opposed to wheels). and i know you said music is really powerful in this world, in both singing and instruments, but i wanted to also ask how in a world with so much focus on sound are the deaf/hard of hearing accomadated? deaf/HoH people can still play instruments, obviously (the most famous example being Beethoven), but i meant other than that

(also, if i recall accurately you once said that "the puppets have to speak to be considered sentient beings"? i was wondering if in the future could that be amended to "have to be able to communicate"? because i assume nonverbal puppets would still exist, as well as puppets who just dont speak much (whether thats a facet of deafness or nonspeaking shutdown or just a quiet personality). or would that break Felt World's world-building's logic in some way? that's a genuine question. i wasnt sure how to word it in a way that would minimize the risk of one being put on their back-foot, but i tried my best, it really is a genuine question)

(also, because i never like to assume fluency in disability-knowledge: if you need a resource on media portrayals of disability at any point, i highly recommend the youtuber, Oakwyrm. they do a lot of really cool analysis videos on disability. i do apologize if i am overstepping, and you are already largely fluent in disabled portrayals in media and/or already aware of Oakwyrm's existence. i just like to shout at least one resource out because i know many people have no idea where to look to learn more about general disability representation advice and whatnot. you do not have to watch their videos if you do not want to ♡)

also a bit of a tangent, idk if this is just a "for now" aspect of Donna due to her adjusting or if this is a core pillar of her personality but... just, thank you for making a feminine character who cries a lot and is emotional with Big Feelings. ive always felt more connected to the Dorthy Gales, Cinderellas, Clarisse de Cagliostros kind of heroines who are a bit of a "damsel in distress" (tho i do think that term reduces a lot of their agency and bravery) and i feel a bit lonely that we dont see many emotional-vitality-driven heroines who need some help as much as badass heroines or sassy heroines, both of whom are fully capable of getting shit sone alone. makes my cry-baby disabled ass feel a little pathetic (im very physically weak because of my chronic health issues, and am the type of Autistic ADHDer who is very sensitive to getting big feelings), even tho i know those types of heroines are valid and needed. i resonate a lot with AJR's lyric about "But I'm weak. And what's wrong with that?" even though i know im taking it out of context

and im sure Donna will prove herself capable of being on her own and having her own agency, same as all the heroines ive listed, i dont assume she will be stagnant, but i just wanted to really thank you for making a character that i relate to. i dont get that often. it makes me feel a bit abnormal and strange, and i mean moreso than the "well youre neurodivergent and sickly" kind of abnormal that would be implied. like. Weird Kid sitting alone at lunch kind of strange. so its really cool to see Donna and feel less lonely, is what im saying. i wish there were more heroines like her for people like me nowadays, rather than the archetype being reduced to "archiac stereotypes" (which i both do and dont understand the logic of. it depends on context and the example given) and therefore shelving a type of heroine we dont see in a lot of contemporary media (in exchange for a heroine we didnt get to see often (if at all) in past media, the sassy and badass ones, i do get it, and im glad theyre being used more as they should have always been. there are a select few of both camps that feel like "women have to be as stereotypically masculine as possible to be worthy of being called 'a strong character'" when i think strong characters have less to do with personality and more to do with "do they direct the narrative's plot? do they have agency?". but i could be wrong about that and i am getting off-topic)

but yeah. just. overall: thank you for introducing Donna to be like she is. it means a lot to me to see a heroine like her in contemporary media. im really excited to see what youll do next ♡ but yeah, i know im babbling a lot here and you dont need to reply to this half, i just really wanted to stress my thanks and WHY you have my thanks ♡♡♡ i really appreciate having Donna sit at my metaphorical lunch-table with me, even if she has to go sit somewhere else later. its been really nice to be beside her

thank you ♡

ps. i wasnt sure how to format this Ask because i know some people like to have each section have their own Ask for compartmentalizing/tag-organization reasons, but others like it all to be together so they know its all from one person as opposed to the anxiety of "ahh why did i get so many Asks all at once, did i do something wrong, do people hate me-- oh. its fine. i went through that rollercoaster for nothing. dear lord, am i drained now". so i tend to rather assume the latter, just in case; but do feel free to screenshot and section these out into their own posts if you are the former, i wont mind if youd rather do that ♡ have a nice day!!

Oh my goodness what a long message!!! 0.0!!

I had to take a few hours to think about everything to make sure I answered everything. But I should start off by showing my gratitude for the amount of time and effort you put into formulating this! So thank you, this was a really cool ask to receive <3

As for OCs, absolutely you can! I've already had a few who've made theirs, and I have no rules at all when it comes to shipping or self inserts or anything, as long as everyone is being respectful towards each other ^^

As for the disability aspect, I have a few key points that I want to explore in regards to especially deafness and muteness (is it called that? muteness?), but that's further along the story and will be introduced later! Also how song vs instruments work in this world is a part of the lore itself that'll be explained further down the line too, so no need to worry about our fellow mute or deaf/hoh peeps!

I have of course thought about mobility aids and other disability accommodations (because they can be born with defect, illnesses, and be injured pretty much like us, their bodies are a bit more fantastical but there are still rules) but i must admit didn't think further other than to give them similar mobility aids that we use. But clearly it would make more sense to make something more fantastical! I'll give it a thought! That's probably gonna be a fun design exercise ^^

I'm not sure if I can answer the entire ask in a way that does it justice, it's quite frankly the coolest message I've gotten, I'm gonna try and not let it get to my head (lol),

but i'm so glad you and seemingly many others seem to like Donna and appreciate her specifically for being sensitive and reacting strongly. It shouldn't be but it's really daunting to write female leads because as we know people just don't like women in media generally, but I eventually just got over it because I realized I was starting to write a character that demanded the audience cared and respected, rather than showing a story that I had fun telling, in a world worth exploring.

And not to spoil but I've already decided I do not want Donna to go through an arc where she's forced to abandon her emotions or go through something physically traumatic in order to "become tough" to be respected, that's not only overdone but lame and harmful wish fulfillment. So no worries in that department!

But anyways, I don't think I can properly say how appreciative I am of this ask!!! It really warms my heart that you and other people are going out of your way to send me asks about my little story that I came up with on a whim!!! It's truly the best compliment as a creator.

<3

[blackjackkent]

WIP Wednesday

No one tagged me but I've seen a few posts go by with open tags today and this is one of the things floating around for me rn. Tbh I'm posting it partly in the hope that showing a bit of it will help me be brave enough to post the full thing when it's done, lol; E-rated is new territory for me (though this snippet is tame). XD

----

Karlach goes still in an instant, hearing that shift in Hector's tone. Everything stops. Her hand leaves him, her weight shifts to his side. Her shoulders jerk with hitched breath as she struggles to get control of herself. And her eyes lock onto his and stay there; their pale blue glow is almost masked by how wide her pupils are, but the ravenous desire has been replaced abruptly with concern.

“No good?” she asks softly. “I’m-- fuck. I’m sorry. Is this… not what you wanted?”

“No-- no, it’s fine--” he stammers out hastily. He reaches convulsively for her hand, pulls it to his chest as if he’s afraid the shadows around their camp are going to drag her away from him. “No,” he says, more calmly, reassured by the feeling of her palm settling over his heart. “It's good-- it's perfect. You’re perfect.”

Embarrassment floods him and he squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away. “You’re perfect,” he repeats softly. “I just…have no idea what I’m doing, and you surprised me.”

“What? Hec…” She reaches out, cups his cheek to draw his face back towards her, to force him to meet her eyes. She reads his expression more closely for a long moment, and then her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, fuck,” she says, startled. “You haven’t done this before, have you?”

He shakes his head wordlessly. There’s nothing accusing in the words, but he’s struck with a sudden burst of fear. The way she tells it, she had a string of lovers in the city before the hells stole her away, a level of experience he couldn’t hope to match with his life of lonely nights in monastery dormitories. And there hasn’t really been time to discuss his own level of experience - or lack thereof; this all came together so fast, after so many weeks of longing…

What if she pushes him away? What if she wants someone who can make love with that same animal ferocity? What if she won't wait for his body to catch up with his heart? 

“Ever?” she asks. Her breath is starting to settle, the stuttering glow of the engine in her chest returning to a steady pulse. Despite his nakedness, her eyes have remained locked on his every moment since she drew back.

“Never…” he answers quietly.

Gods… don’t laugh at me, he thinks. His free hand, splayed out against the ground next to him, flexes nervously. 

But she doesn’t laugh. Instead she takes his face in both her hands and kisses him again. This time it’s slow, lingering, achingly gentle, a dramatic departure from the frantic need they both felt a few moments ago. He feels a deep calm spread through him from where her lips touch his. And he knows at that moment that there was never anything to fear. That  whenever he is lost, she will find him again. That he is safe in her hands.

“Lucky me,” she murmurs when the kiss breaks, and she looks down at him with a slow, playful grin. “That means I get to teach you.”

[gardenerian]

I know you've been on Shameless and Gallavich tumblr for a while and I was hoping you could give me some advice. I hope this doesn't sound too pathetic.

I'm a massive Shameless and Gallavich fan. I have been here for nearly a year and I feel very excluded. I really want to connect with the others in this community, but it's not working no matter what I try. I don't write, draw, make art or create gifs. I don't have any creations to offer and share. I know those types of things would get me some attention and for people to notice and interact with me. I like and reblog a lot of other people's posts daily. I leave comments on people's posts as often as I can to praise their work or to share my thoughts but I rarely get any responses from the person. I post random Shameless and Gallavich thoughts and head-cannons with tags but they rarely get many likes and no one ever comments to strike up conversation. I take part in the tag games and tag others, but week after week never get tagged to participate, but I participate anyway. Still, I never get comments on the stuff that I share about myself to let others get to know me. I have tried sending ask to people about things they have posted to strike up conversation, but I either never get a response or it's a one time response that doesn't go anywhere after that.

I suppose the gist is that I keep trying to strike up conversations to connect with the people in this community and it falls flat every time. I'm simply at the point where it makes me sad to come on here and to see how tight-knit this community is and how much you all interact with each other, hype each other's posts and make posts for and mentioning each other like on birthdays. I know you are part of an especially close group so it seems like you might be just the person to ask.

I'm not writing this as a complaint or to accuse anyone of anything. It's the opposite. I want to join in in this community and feel included. I want to no longer feel sad and ignored when I am on here trying to participate and interact. Like I said, I don't write or make art so do you have any tips about how I can get noticed and accepted into this community? I just want to make friends with all of you and finally feel a part of this community.

hi there 😭 i am so sorry you're feeling this way. wanting to connect is such a human thing, and it's not pathetic at all to reach out. i think it's great. so thank you for coming to chat with me about it, and i hope i can help ❤️

excluding people is never something i want to do. i want to engage fully and enthusiastically - i think we all do! and while there are so many ways to get involved, i do think engagement around here (on tumblr as a whole!) is different than it used to be. for me personally, i was on tumblr 24/7 for a long time, but now that i am working again, it's a little harder for me to be present as much as i want! it comes and goes in waves, really. sometimes i am tagged in things that i don't get to, sometimes i forget to respond to asks, sometimes i miss posts that go around during busy times. and sometimes i think i'm following people when i'm not! this happens to me a lot and it's super embarrassing 😭 and i think these kinds of things happen to just about everyone! sometimes we just can't be here the way we want, even if we love it. and we do love it! so much!

i'm glad you're participating! and i want to make sure that everyone knows that making or posting things is not a requirement to be here. there's no entry fee to enjoy fandom space. if you want to give it a try, please do! but you don't owe us anything; your presence is more than enough.

for me the answer was just to keep talking. i wish i had more direct tips, but i just have not shut up since 2019. people started talking back, but for a while it did feel like i was just talking to myself. i know you've been putting yourself out there, and it's really brave and wonderful. i hope you'll keep trying. there are people that will love you, and i'm sorry if i've missed you so far. i don't want you to feel sad here. if you feel comfortable, shoot me a DM! tag me in things! i will hype you up, i promise. i want to hear what you have to say, and i want to get to know you. there are friends here for you 💓 edit: join the discord if you can!

anyone else with tips is welcome to chime in.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of questions today! Replying to replies about other replies + a couple of shippy ones + the OruMal Anon is back with more juice lol

Anonymous asked:

Now, why would you say that? Now I’M thinking of Idia wearing just a jacket, thanks a lot

You’re very welcome lol Isn’t he perfect dressed like that? I mean, barely dressed.

Anonymous asked:

to the Idia plush anon, i'm so jealous~~ i thought the outfit Ortho would come with would show off his cheeks but it covers them instead orz i want to buy doll clothes that let him show them off, maybe even sew them myself. btw i think our plushies should kiss new

I demand pictures of kissing plushies… Anons irl meet-up just for the sake of kissing plushies lol

Also! Sewing clothes for a plushie yourself is such a cool thing to do. You’re cool, Anon.

Anonymous asked:

Marja is the epitome of a southern granny, and as someone who has three, I can tell ya they’ll kick your ass. Like I saw Marja and was wondering how Epel still thinks girls are weak when Marja is a badass, like that lil ol’ lady probably kicked his ass more often than Vil did and then told him to get his ass to the farm.

Exactly! Epel surely complains a whole lot for someone who’s been disciplined by this scary woman for his entire life lol

I think it’s also due to the fact that there aren’t any girls around his age (or any other kids) in Harveston, so ma and meemaw, as well as the rest of the women in the village feel as if they’re not quite the same thing as girls. Of course he knows that they are, but I feel like he still has this “yeah but this is different” idea in his head lol Which is kind of stupid, but Epel is still figuring things out so…

Anonymous asked:

Do you think any of the nrc students is interested in Trein (could be sexually or Romantically) ?🎤

I took some time to think about it, Anon, and I’m sorry to give you a disappointing answer: I can’t think of anyone who could be interested in Trein like that… Maybe we just haven’t seen them interact enough. But still, have three boys with the best potential when it comes to this:

Azul, because he wants to be the teacher’s pet very badly, and pretty much always has his tongue up Trein’s ass (metaphorically), but neither of them would see this as sexual or romantic. Azul wants to be the best because he is the best academically! Earned favouritism only!

Ortho, because he gets to hang out with Trein when Idia is taking tests! I don’t remember where we got this fact from, but it’s cute lol But then again, it isn’t either romantic or sexual thing…

Lilia, because you know. Talked about them here.

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Do you think Rook ever goes down on Vil? You think he'll ever teach the ways of what to do down there to make the Queen shiver and cry out to Neige or Epel or ANYONE who's brave enough to actually be in Vil's bedchambers?

I think Rook lives down there. This is the base of his diet lol

Rook would be more than happy to teach someone the art of making Vil feel this good, both because mentoring someone in such a complicated craft is always rewarding, and because he is a possessive dick that doesn’t fully want Vil to be alone with someone else without him also being a part of the process somehow lol

Anonymous asked:

I'm glad a few people like my OruMal ask :)!! I was disappointed when I went through the ship tags on ao3 and found absolutely nothing. I just had to speak up 😔 I know most fans don't like to ship ortho, but c'mon, the POTENTIAL of it all!!!!!!!

With that in mind, heres a few more ideas I have 🥰

• With Malleus, it makes sense why he's interested. Ortho is a freak of nature to him!!! He'll get used to treating him like any other student, but then Ortho keeps doing the most strange and bizarre things, like he can just pull off his arms and legs as though it's nothing! He tries to think of it as though it's some kind of magic, but I imagine if he ever voiced that, Ortho would be like "oh, no, I can't use magic at all," and go into a long tangent about how it works and just perplex Malleus even more

• Why Ortho would be interested is a whole other can of worms. He does have a base level of curiosity for everyone, and that would apply to Malleus too, but is there anything more than that 🤔 if Malleus were actively pursuing him, I bet he would think his chances are certain that Ortho will reciprocate because he is an extremely powerful prince. Whatever reasons Ortho has for entertaining Malleus, I definitely don't think it will be what he expected. Probably because he's a bit of a loser... like his brother <3

• Holding my breath for book 7, but assuming nothing major happens between Ortho and Malleus (unlikely) then I actually think they will only consider each other seriously way after their days at NRC. They might have a fling while they're in college, sure, a bit of a flirt and tease and maybe a fuck or two if the mood is right, but there's so many other interesting boys here to see and do!! I think it will only be centuries later when they've both gotten tired of losing loved ones that they seek each other out, for the comfort more than the curiosity. They would tease each other for it, but I don't think either of them actually want to be left alone

• Malleus eventually learning to be a pillow princess and just sit there and starfish out while Ortho does his thing would be funny 😭 he likes to toy around, and Ortho seems to enjoy it when he plays with his motherboard, but... after enough times getting smoke and explosions directly to the face because he pressed the wrong button or pulled the wrong wire, he's unfortunately told to cool it 😔 honestly, he's lucky if he hasn't permanently damaged his core!!

That's all I have, thank you ❤️!!!!

Anon! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us again. Yeah, I can imagine how little Ortho-related stuff there is on Ao3, let alone stuff about him and Malleus, so we’re truly on a rareship territory here lol

I like the first two things that you’ve said because yeah, the mutual interest they would have for each other is a very nice fuel for their ship. Both of them are so curious, and quite experimental, so they’d have a lot to show each other and to talk about.

Oh my god the last one, Malleus don’t touch anything, you’ll just fry him again! Mister “I break every phone Lilia gives me” absolutely should not play around with Ortho’s motherboard… lol but it’ll still be a thrill for them, at least until it gets dangerous and Malleus is prohibited from touching anything ever again. But it’s okay, because Ortho is perfect at handling pillow princesses…

[blancheludis]

Whumptober 2024 Day 18: unreliable narrator

Fandom: Star Wars: Clone Wars Relationship: Fox / Quinlan Vos Characters: Fox, Quinlan Vos, Thorn, Cody Tags: Institutional Abuse, Hurt Fox, Dubious Consent (nothing graphic), Miscommunication, Misunderstanding, Protective Cody

Summary:

The first time Vos asks him to bed, Fox feels the loss of something in his chest, so intense that he is frozen for a second too long, a second in which Vos' face scrunches up in displeasure that has Fox scrambling to make it up to him. It is stupid to feel betrayed. The clones were made to serve and even if the Coruscant Guard does not have a Jedi of their own does not mean that the Jedi cannot come to them and take what they are owed.

A feather light touch rips Fox out of his musings. Glove on gauntlet, no skin involved, yet it burns. "Is this okay?" Vos asks as if Fox can choose how to answer, as if there is anything acceptable to say other than yes, sir.

---

The first time Fox meets Quinlan Vos, they are hunting the same smuggler on the lower levels of Coruscant. Fox is rude at the interruption of his mission and then almost dies from shock when Vos reveals he is a Jedi. Vos laughs the entire thing off.

Later, Fox thinks that was a fitting start to their entire, unconventional relationship.

---

The second time they meet, Vos sticks around after they have arrested some weapons dealer. He leans against the wall, legs crossed, while Fox deals with the bureaucratic nonsense that is part of his job. When Fox is done and ready to return to his patrol, Vos falls into step with him.

"Why are you still favouring your shoulder, Fox?" he asks, completely out of the blue, his eyes trained on Fox with a weight Fox is not sure how to interpret.

It is surprising Vos even remembers that Fox hurt his shoulder. They were hardly working together during their smuggler hunt and almost came to blows over who would be the one to take the guy in - at least until Vos revealed his status as Fox' superior. He hid his pain then just as he is hiding it now. If he pays attention, however, little seems to escape General Vos' notice.

"I'm fully functional, General," Fox declares and straightens further, as if to prove his point. 

The last thing he needs is a Jedi doubting he can do his job. Things are hard enough as they are. The Guard does not need more scrutiny. They need several weeks of leave, a full medical check-up including a soak in a bacta tank, eight hours of sleep and three square meals a day. Thankfully, Fox is not prone to dream of impossible things. He has enough crushing him without it.

"That's not what I was asking." Vos’ eyebrows draw together in an unhappy frown. "Don't tell me you haven't been to see a medic."

For a moment there, he sounded like Thorn when Fox returns from the Chancellor's office only to go directly to his next posting. A strained shoulder is, of course, nothing compared to a correctional meeting with Palpatine.

"It's not bad enough to waste anyone's time over it," Fox says and hopes they can leave it at that.

Instead, Vos stops him with an outstretched arm. "Not so bad?" he echoes, tone disapproving. "It hurts you. I can see that. What if it slows you down and you hurt it again? What if you do something more permanent to it instead of just sucking it up and get someone to look at it?"

Fox has been trained to suck it up, and Priest carved that lesson even deeper long before he ever braved the hell of Coruscant.

"If I can't do my job anymore," he stills says, "I'll get decommissioned."

If that ever happens, Thorn will curse his very name for having to take over. But he will, because they have all the fail-safes in place that they can get away with. Protecting each other is all they have left. 

"Force," Vos breathes, glaring at Fox. "I know the Jedi stopped decommissioning, but that's still not something you should joke about."

Circumstances have led to Fox having a very dark sense of humour, but that is reserved for his vode - and not for very real issues he has to deal with every day. He is not sure he can believe General Vos if he says his brothers on the frontlines really do not have to deal with decommissioning anymore, but things are different on Coruscant. They always are.

Fox is glad he can hide behind his bucket; not sure he can keep the dismay completely off his face. He turns to fully face Vos, stands at attention "How can I help you, General?"

Vos frowns but does not press the matter. "I just wanted to compare notes on that bomber from a few weeks back. The Council is not happy that the guy is still out there."

"Of course." Work, Fox can do. He sends a message to his patrol partner that he will be late and leads Vos to his office. The sooner he can get rid of Vos, the better.

---

Each time Fox thinks Vos is done with them, he turns up again, always full of obnoxious energy, always turning his eyes where they have no business being. The smuggler ring has been taken down, the arms dealer told them about his contacts, the bomber has been arrested. They do not have any current business with each other, and yet Vos seems to be there every time Fox turns a corner.

The trooper at the front desk warns him that General Vos is here to see him and would not take no for an answer, so Fox checks that nothing incriminating is on his desk - casualty reports, reconditioning requests, summaries of how badly equipped the Guard really is - and waits.

"Good evening my dear," Vos greets as he comes in uninvited and sits down in front of the desk before Fox has even a chance to salute him. "I have a few questions."

That sounds ominous, and Fox really does not have time for any of this. But he inclines his head anyway. "Of course, General Vos."

"None of that, Fox." Vos clicks his tongue. "We're all friends here."

Friends, of course. Natborns are not friends with clones. Jedi are not friends with their subordinates. But Fox has enough experience with the whims of other people that it leaves him unfazed.

"The last time I was here," Vos continues, thankfully not interested in any kind of reply from Fox. "I saw a number of your men walking around with injuries."

Yes, because General Vos is the type of person who does not accept a no and, when told that Fox is unavailable, goes searching for him, not hesitating to invade the medbay and even the barracks. Fox knows that nowhere is actually safe for them, that nowhere is actually theirs, but it still leaves him with a bitter aftertaste to see how little their privacy is worth.

"Yes," Fox agrees evenly and does not add anything else. Vos has not yet asked a question and Fox will not voluntarily give up information that could be viewed as punishable weakness.

Of course, Vos does not let it go. "Why is that?"

Once trained for battle, Fox has learned the value of paper trails. Most of his men's injuries are never even documented, because only the kind of people care that would use those reports against them. 

"Mishaps during missions. Prison riots. Unhappy people in the street," Fox counts off, using what few official reasons they do have. All the rest - angry civilians, unhappy senators, cruel aides, neglect, corporal punishment - will remain secret.

"All right," Vos drawls, sounding like he does not believe Fox, which is never a good position to be in with a natborn. "None of that is good, of course, but why weren't they in medbay? Why weren't they adequately treated before being sent back to work?"

Because they have neither the manpower nor the supplies. Because at least half of these injuries were done under the specific instruction that the troopers were not to receive treatment for them. 

"They were in working condition."

Vos' presses his lips into a thin, unhappy line. "Fox," he says, like an admonishment. But no order follows. No demand.

So, Fox stands his ground and simply shoots back, "General Vos."

"I don't understand." Vos stares, eyes fixed on Fox' bucket as if he can look right through it. "You care for your men."

He does. He does and it will never be enough. Will never save them. Keeping all of that out of his voice he says instead, "We have a job to do." And too few men and too little protection to do it.

"Is there something I can do?"

Now it is Fox' turn to stare, thankfully hidden behind his armour. If the Jedi believe that the Guard cannot do their job, things will get so much worse.

Tucking all of his fears, all of his hopes and misgivings deep inside, Fox lies, "We have everything under control, sir."

---

"I've made some inquiries."

More questions? Vos has been haunting the Guard HQ often enough that most of the shinies have stopped jumping at his shadow. By now, he has become a frequent enough a visitor in Fox' office that it sometimes feels empty without him sprawling in the uncomfortable chair across the desk.

"General?"

It is always the same with them, Vos saunters into Fox' office - or the canteen, or the medbay, or Fox' room, and once, even, the hall outside the Senate floor, anywhere he can ambush Fox - and opens with a question or an observation, all of which are too close to issues Fox would like to keep close to his chest. He rolls his eyes when Fox salutes him and calls Fox terrible nicknames. But when he talks about the Guard's injuries or Fox' schedule or their threadbare equipment, there is always steel in his eyes, almost like he does not like what he sees and yet does not blame Fox for it.

"One of your supply shipments was apparently held up in transit," Vos says with a tone that clearly shows this is not the complete truth. "It should arrive within the week."

Fox knows for a fact that no shipment was delayed because all of his requests were denied.

"Thank you?" he says carefully, nonetheless. His mind, though, is whirling. What's your price? he wants to ask. When will you ask me to pay?

The waiting is often worse than the cost itself.

---

The first time Vos commands him to bed, Fox feels the loss of something in his chest, so intense that he is frozen for a second too long, a second in which Vos' face scrunches up in displeasure that has Fox scrambling to make it up to him. It is stupid to feel betrayed. The clones were made to serve and even if the Coruscant Guard does not have a Jedi of their own does not mean that the Jedi cannot come to them and take what they are owed.

"Would you take off your helmet for me, Fox?"

A question is on the tip of Fox' tongue but he was not made to ask for explanations. With wooden fingers, he pulls his bucket off and then stares somewhere over Vos' shoulder while Vos musters him in return. Nothing good ever comes from natborns demanding the removal of a clone's bucket. Or any part of armour, really. Worst, probably, is that he did not expect this. Dozens of people in the Senate are prone to taking liberties, they have become as used to that as they ever will. But General Vos appeared to be different. 

At first, they had a grudging working relationship, but then Vos had started to ask questions, about the barracks, the state of their medbay, the shift length, the clones' injury rate. He never seemed happy with Fox' answers. Now, as Vos is silently shifting ever closer, Fox realised all of that might have simply been a buyer's concern with the state of his product. The clones were made for war, but perhaps the Jedi are concerned with how much damage is done to their property, how quickly they are going through clones. Replacements do not come cheap, after all, although the Chancellor likes to tell him it is more economic to produce a new trooper than to try and fix a faulty one.

A feather light touch rips Fox out of his musings. Glove on gauntlet, no skin involved, yet it burns.

"Is that okay?" Vos asks as if Fox can choose how to answer, as if there is anything acceptable to say other than yes, sir.

Fox does not trust his voice to hold steady, however, so he simply nods.

Vos leans even closer, right into Fox's personal space, which has him go tense, fighting the urge to stand at attention. Then there are lips on his, soft and warm, just a light pressure, no demand waiting behind them other than the unspoken order hanging in the air.

For a long moment, Fox lets it happen, lets his mind drift and leaves his lips lax. Then he snaps into action. He knows this part, knows his duty. As his lips begin to move against Vos', he raises a hand to cup Vos' cheek, making note of every small noise, every miniscule change in expression. This is the most important thing, to know what the natborn likes and wants. Some of them are happy to bark orders, making it easy to disappear into his head and just go with the flow. Others like to be catered to. Fox does not know who Quinlan Vos will be, but nothing about him has been simple until now.

Then, of course, Vos withdraws, at once smiling and frowning.

The stabbing pain in Fox' chest can easily be attributed to anxiety, to worrying he has made a misstep. It has nothing to do with the loss of warmth, of potential. "General?"

Vos winces, frozen in place. "This is inappropriate," he mutters quietly, like a secret between them.

Yes, Fox thinks, please don't ruin what could have almost been a friendship. Or at least as much of a trusted partnership as there can be between Jedi and Clone. Instead, he says, voice carefully blank, "This is what you want it to be."

Vos' frown deepens, dark lines of unhappiness. "What do you want?" he asks as if that ever mattered.

To keep his men safe, to keep the stores stocked, to have enough medical supplies on hand. To sleep. To have one thing for himself.

Fox studies Vos, sees the want in his eyes, even though he holds himself back. The decision is easy then, to caress Vos' cheekbone with his thumb and to pull him back in.

"Oh, thank the Force," Vos mutters and Fox makes himself relax into the touch.

He can do this. He has done so a hundred times before. Admittedly not with someone he might have begun to care about, but the motions remain the same. He will lie back, do his part, and protect his brothers another day.

---

Vos always stays, after, sprawling out in Fox' tiny bunk bed, soaking up warmth, tracing Fox' scars with an expression Fox cannot quite read. Almost like he wants to erase them, or like he is angry that someone dared to touch what he considers his.

The few times he runs out on Fox, he offers quiet apologies, as if Fox actually has time to waste lazing around in bed. Like he wants to remain here even a minute longer. Like there are not a dozen other people waiting for him to do his job.

The even fewer times Fox dares to leave first - when there is an emergency that Thorn has to call him in for or, once, when the Chancellor summons him - Vos catches Fox' hand as he stands, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.

"I need this war to be over," he mutters.

Fox does not dare to ask What for? The clones were bred for war. He knows his batchmates sometimes talk about after like there ever will be one. Perhaps the frontliners need that to keep them going. Perhaps, for them, there will be an end, someday. Fox knows he will not see it. Most of the Guard will not.

He is tired enough that he does not even mind too much.

---

The thing is, Fox thinks he could enjoy this under different circumstances. If Vos were not a commanding officer. If Fox were not a clone. He never had the feeling that Vos likes to play power games. He just sees something he likes and takes it. Well, he apparently liked Fox and Fox is in no position to have a choice in anything. If Vos put his mind to it, he could woo anyone he liked. Fox, however, is convenient. Always on Coruscant - always busy, too, but not so much that he would deny a Jedi General his time. His commanders have quickly learned to shuffle around schedules whenever Fox is summoned to the Chancellor. There is no telling how long those meetings take. Or which state Fox is in when he comes out again. It is not too much of a hardship to do the same when General Vos saunters into the Guard HQ like the entire sad complex belongs to him, not just Fox.

Sometimes, Fox wishes that Vos were the jealous type. If he knew how much time Fox spends alone with Palpatine, he might want to do something about it. Of course, Palpatine only ever aims to hurt and he seldom touches Fox himself. This thing with Vos is something else entirely.

"You are distracted today," Vos says, stretched out, skin glistening after the exertion. 

Fox is always distracted, trying to keep a careful balance between being attentive enough for Vos and thinking about the real work he is missing.

"I'm sorry," he says nonetheless and forces some of the tension out of his body.

"Don't be," Vos dismisses, easy as always, like Fox is not here to please him. "Is there something I can help with?"

End the war? Or, even more impossible, get the Guard enough men and supplies so they can actually have normal shifts and sleep cycles.

"Just tired," Fox says instead. "I'll do better."

"You're already perfect." Vos sometimes says these impossible things that Fox cannot even begin to interpret. The Kaminoans wanted the clones to be perfect for the Jedi, but is this truly what they meant?

Fox lets his head sink on Vos' shoulder and pretends he wants to be here. Pretends he does not know that, sometimes, he actually does.

---

"Fox, my dear," Vos says by way of greeting before the office door is even closed behind him, not caring who might hear. "I brought medical supplies."

Fox straightens but fails to stand as the words register in his brain. "General?" he chokes out, too weary to be hopeful.

Throwing himself into the visitor chair, Vos grins widely at him, bright and careless, just a hint of bite underneath. "I don't know why you ran out, but it was easily rectified."

Easy. As if Fox has not spent hours and every argument under the moon to get the Guard resupplied. "I - Thank you."

"Nonsense. Anything for my favourite Marshal Commander." He looks very pleased with himself and Fox has no argument against it. This is a much-needed reprieve, and he almost asks what he has done to deserve this. Or what he will have to do.

"Give me two minutes, please, to wrap this up. Then I'm all yours." For once, he does not have to swallow so much bitterness. He realized early on that he will do anything to protect his men, his brothers, and being with Vos is not a hardship, since he is never cruel. Fox is not so proud anymore that he cannot admit that he will gladly go down on his knees for new medical supplies, for any scrap of goodwill for his people. He will gladly keep Vos happy if that means more will come, later.

Vos beams up at him. "Take your time."

Fox pauses briefly. With other people, that might be a veiled threat, but Vos leans back in Fox' single, uncomfortable visitor chair and seems rather content, eyes closed, fingers crossed behind his head. It is not a trick, hopefully. Vos has not tricked him yet. Not once. So, Fox deems it safe to finish up his report.

It takes four minutes and yet Vos does not call him out on it. He just jumps up eagerly when Fox announces he is done and leads the way to Fox' room. By now, he knows the way by heart.

---

"I'm close to the Senate, Foxy." Vos' message comes in when Fox is halfway through revising the patrol schedules. "Do you have some time for me?"

Fox wants to say no. He wants to say his shift is almost over and then he has four hours to sleep before he has to get back up again, and he needs that sleep because he has lost count of how long he has been up. He wants to say that he had a meeting with the Chancellor earlier and every movement hurts and his skin burns at the very thought of being touched by someone else. He wants to beg for later. For never, really.

He wants to say there are four decommissioning requests on his desk, and what good is it to fuck a Jedi when Vos does not even help save his men?

Fox breathes, conscious of the way the air flows into his body and back out, the way he learned to do in the moments before Priest gave the signal for the fighting to begin.

"My shift ends in half an hour," he tells Vos, respectful, professional. "I'll be in my office."

---

It is Cody who ruins everything. Cody, who has not informed Fox that he is on Coruscant and instead appeared at the Guard HQ without warning. Cody, who has not called Fox in months and has not done anything to curb his men's derision against the Guard. Cody, who looks at Fox' office with disdain first before his eyes fall on Fox, almost like an afterthought.

"Is that a hickey?" he asks by way of greeting, as if they still have the kind of relationship that allows for intimate observations. Then, of course, his eyes wander higher. "Did - is that a bruise?"

There is a reason why the Coruscant Guard keeps their helmets on at all times. Not just to keep them anonymous, but also so that nobody can see the damage underneath.

"It's nothing," Fox brushes off Cody's shock. And it really is nothing anymore, just a sickly green shadow plastered over the left side of his face.

"Fox," Cody says as if he expects Fox to be impressed by a mere admonishment. As if they did not both go through command class on Kamino. As if they have not both survived the war until now.

"It's just a bruise." And a broken zygomatic arch, but Thire forced him to actually use some of their already dwindling again bacta supplies to deal with that. Walking around with broken bones in his face is an invitation for disaster. Thire rightly argued that the Guard would descend into headless panic if he went down and did not get back up again. The smug smartass knows exactly how to get to Fox.

Something happens on Cody's face that Fox does not know how to interpret, his worry morphing into something darker, something almost accusatory. Out of the blue, he asks, "Obi-Wan told me that you and Quinlan Vos are an item?"

While Fox still reels over Cody's casual use of his General's given name, the rest of the words need a moment to register in his brain. When they do, Fox almost laughs. Of all the people Cody could blame, Vos is probably the only one who has never actively caused Fox physical harm.

"The two are not related." If he had not been left beaten and bloody by sexual partners before, he might have said it with more indignation. As it is, his voice falls flat and apparently does nothing to reassure Cody, so he tries again. "General Vos does not damage me." He barely suppresses a wince at himself. Apparently, he has forgotten how to speak to people other than his vode.

Cody looks like he is not sure which part of that statement to address first. "You call him General?"

"He is a General." At least Fox assumes so, and Vos has never corrected him. Apart from trying to get him to just drop the title completely. He is not a naive shiny, though. He knows the rules.

Cody cocks his head to the side. "Even in bed?"

Fox wants to be anywhere but here. What right does Cody have to inquire about what he does and with whom? Impatience pushing against his teeth, he says, "He prefers me not to."

"But you don't?" Cody asks slowly, eyes fixed on Fox', clearly searching for something.

Already, this conversation has worn Fox out more than a sixteen-hour shift in the senate. "My opinion hardly matters," he replies like he is reciting from the unofficial rule book of the Guard.

Any of his men would nod and accept that. Any of his men have been in similar situations, where they locked up their feelings and shielded their minds, just letting reality happen for a while. Cody seems to have skipped that lesson, or he really, truly believes all those jokes about the cushy desk job on Coruscant, meaning that Fox could not possibly know anything about hardship.

"What do you mean by that?" Cody asks. Cody, who never learned that it is always better not to fight back.

Fox swallows a sigh, keeps his face blank as if he is talking to a natborn, not a former batchmate. "What do you want, Cody?"

Clearly not seeing any irony in it, Cody replies. "I'm concerned for my brother." Fox cannot quite hide his wince at that. This is the first time he has talked to Cody in ages and every communication for a while has been stilted and professional, mostly about official business and not as batchmates. "And here you are with a bruise on your face and a hickey rather close to it. And you say -"

"I'm saying I'm a clone and he is a natborn Jedi General," Fox cuts him off. So much for staying calm. He does not have the energy to defend himself against someone who should understand him better than anyone else. Surely, Fox is not the only Marshal Commander who has to make sacrifices for his men. "General Kenobi can't be so lax you've forgotten how that works."

Cody flinches, an honest, full-body jerk as if hit by a blaster bolt. His expression morphs from suspicion to something more horrified. "Where did you get the bruise?"

On the ground in Palpatine's office with four Red Guard standing over him, alternating their boots and electrostaffs to keep him down. This time, it was not even disguised as training, so he had to take his armour off. To make the lesson stick better.

Pushing his shoulder back and raising his chin just so, Fox says, "While doing my job." It is not even a lie. Sharper, he adds, "We're not pushing flimsi around all day, Cody."

But Cody does not even hear the insult. Instead, he takes a step forward, almost pushing against the desk, making Fox wish he had cleared the it as soon as he heard Cody was coming towards the office. His paperwork is sorted by priority. If this conversation comes to blows, it will take ages to sort everything again.

"And what?" Cody snaps, tone burning cold all of a sudden. "You forgot to go to medical and Vos didn't bring you there either when he noticed the giant kriffing bruise on your face but decided to suck hickeys into your neck instead?"

"I went to medical." He did, if only because Thire forced him to. He got the fracture fixed.

He almost asked Vos, too, once, to not leave marks, but decided fleeting hickeys were not worth the risk when Vos could leave much more permanent things instead if he ever grows tired of being gentle.

"And they didn't treat you?" Cody's voice has lowered to almost a growl.

Fox' composure cracks, too exhausted to keep his tone even. "They fixed the broken bone underneath. Cody, what are you getting at?"

The anger bleeds out of Cody as if it never existed in the first place. He goes still, at once shrinking in on himself and growing tenser. He looks directly into Fox' eyes, brother and stranger in one. "Does Vos force you to sleep with him?"

Fox stares. His entire body is locked in place. Thankfully, he has much experience with remaining unmoved in the face of disaster. Why would Cody ask something like that? It does not matter whether there is actual force involved. Fox is a good soldier and he follows orders. Cody should know that. They have been trained for that. 

Cody's face falls, growing pale. Voice suddenly hoarse, he says, "You're taking too long to answer."

And Fox is just tired. He shrugs, going for flippant but ending up defeated. "I just don't know what you want me to say."

"A believable no would be appreciated."

"No," Fox says, slowly, meeting Cody's eyes unflinchingly. "General Vos does not force me into bed."

"Karking hell, Fox. I need to -" Running a hand through his hair, Cody drops his eyes, focusing on the desk as if that will give him answers. "I'll message Obi-Wan."

"No," Fox snaps. Panic runs through him like electricity, leaving him raw and aching like a dozen hits from an electrostaff. "Why would you - You can't do that."

It does not matter what Cody thinks about his General. It does not matter if Cody and Kenobi sleep together and think it means something. It does not even matter if Kenobi actually holds a protecting hand over the 212th, in payment for services rendered or otherwise. Fox and the Coruscant Guard are separate from the GAR. The are under direct command of the Chancellor. Their bed was made for them and they have learned to lie in it.

It was harrowing enough when Vos started snooping around, and by now Fox is glad that he is so easily satisfied, that what Fox can give him is enough. Involving Kenobi would only mean more natborn eyes on their business, more questions about their inadequacies, more brains picking their carefully built system apart. They were made for the Jedi but the Jedi have never cared for the Guard, and they really cannot take things getting even worse.

"If Vos is hurting you -" Cody starts, completely missing the point.

"He's not," Fox says desperately, fervently wishing Cody would just drop this. "He's one of the only ones who don't. And we need him. Because he's also one of the only ones who gives something back. Yes, he sometimes comes at inconvenient times. Yes, he lingers after, usually cutting my sleep cycle terribly short. And, yes, he's demanding. But he does not hurt me or my men. He even got our medbay resupplied when we've been denied for months." Becoming aware that he is rambling, Fox snaps his jaw shut, biting the inside of his lip until he tastes blood.

Cody looks at him, at the bruise, at the way Fox has raised his hands in a beseeching matter without even noticing it. "I'm not -" he says and stops, breathes. "I don't understand what you're saying."

"What isn't there to understand?" Fox all but cries, something sharp and bitter lodged inside his throat. He has long since learned to swallow around it, but right now he feels like choking. "Vos wants to sleep with me, but he also gives something back." Nobody else does. All everyone does all the time is take and Fox has nothing to give anymore. He is hollowed out, broken. Most days, he runs on instinct alone, leaving behind bigger and bigger parts of himself.

And Cody still does not understand. "And do you want to sleep with him?" he asks, circling back to what they have already established. It does not matter what any clone wants.

Slowly, quietly, Fox says, "It's not like I could say no." He does not mention that, sometimes, he would not say no either, if asked.

Cody takes a step back, like he finally realizes that Fox needs space, that he cannot breathe, that everything is crumbling. But he does not.

"I really need to call Obi-Wan."

Blood rushes in Fox' ears as everything else slows down and greys out. "If you do that," he says, carefully pronouncing every single syllable, "don't ever bother to come back here. We need those supplies."

"So what? You're okay with whoring yourself out for bacta?" The moment these words hang between them, Cody's face turns horrified, wide-eyed, forehead scrunching into tight lines, and he curses under his breath. "I'm so-"

"Yes," Fox cuts in, clipped and cold and as straight-backed as he ever is in the Chancellor's office. "We were created to serve the Republic and I do that. But I'd also do anything to protect my men. I thought you would understand that, Marshal Commander." And because he is tired of biting back the petty part of him that feels betrayed by his batchmates, he adds, "You don't presume to tell me that General Kenobi loves you, do you?"

Cody flinches but Fox does not take any satisfaction from that. He just wants to be alone.

"I'm sorry, Fox. We'll fix this," Cody vows, much too late.

Fox smiles but it tastes hollow. "The Guard doesn't need your pity."

"No, but you clearly need our help."

---

Nobody could say that Quinlan Vos is a coward. He gets his jaw punched by Obi-Wan and his heart broken by Commander Cody, but after a week of hiding in his rooms and drinking to get the taste of bile out of his mouth, he gathers every last scrap of courage and goes back to the Guard HQ.

The trooper at the entrance desk salutes him. "General Vos. I'll let the Marshal Commander know you're here."

That is how it always went. Quinlan came and everybody went out of their way to be helpful. He never saw anyone's face other than Fox' and those of the constant circling troops in the medbay, but he never gauged any unhappiness at his presence, never any reluctance. He knew, of course, that Fox has a lot on his plate, that he is working too much. It never occurred to Quinlan that he was another burden, another unavoidable appointment in Fox' schedule instead of someone Fox wants to make time for.

"Tell him to take his time," he says, not really trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. He needs to preserve his energy. "I'm happy to wait."

The trooper pauses just briefly, short enough that Quinlan would have missed it if he had not looked for minute reactions. Underneath the helmet, the trooper is likely staring.

Quinlan bites his tongue to stop himself from asking the man's name. He has no right to that anymore.

"He'll meet you in his office, sir."

Of course. Quinlan can only imagine how Cody's conversation with Fox went. He has never seen Cody this distressed before.

---

"Commander," Quinlan greets, aching when Fox blinks at the use of his title. He remains standing just inside the door. Suddenly, the visitor's chair is too close to the desk, too close to Fox.

Fox stands like he always does, greets Quinlan like he always does. "General Vos."

Nothing seems to be amiss. Nothing has changed. That just makes everything more real. Cody and Obi-Wan were right. Quinlan had not wanted to believe them. A small part of him thought he would come here and Fox would laugh at the ridiculous ideas their brothers came up with. They could clear it all up and kiss it better. Now, though, the very thought of kissing has bile rising in Quinlan's throat. Through his work, he has come in contact with a lot of disgusting people in the galaxy. He realizes now that he belongs on that list.

"I want to apologize to you. I have been made aware that I have operated under false assumptions and -" Curse him. He had an entire speech planned and now he sounds like he is reading directly out of the instruction manual of one of their diplomacy classes in the temple. Swallowing against the tightness of his throat, Quinlan tries again. "I never meant to hurt you."

What a terrible thing to say. What good does regret do them? As if he could just say sorry and be done with it.

And then Fox makes it all worse 

"I have to apologize, General," Fox says, his tone even. His face, though, holds the same pleasant neutrality Quinlan has come to loathe. This is how Fox looks when he is overwhelmed, when he is not sure what to do but will say yes nonetheless. This is how Fox looked when Quinlan first kissed him. "This is all a misunderstanding. Commander CC-2224 had incomplete information and overstepped without my knowledge -"

Quinlan shakes his head and then bites his lip, hard, when Fox stops talking immediately. Still, he presses on. "Cody was completely right to involve Obi-Wan. I have been hurting you and didn't even realize it." Saying it out loud just makes his actions more despicable.

For a long moment, Fox just watches him, his brow faintly creased. "Permission to speak freely, sir."

The words hit like blaster bolts, burning against Quinlan's skin. He nods, not trusting himself to speak.

"You have not hurt me. Not once," Fox declares without even a hint of hesitation, as if he truly believes that. "In fact, you have saved several of my men and I'm beyond grateful."

The taste of blood fills Quinlan's mouth, and yet he does not let go of his lip immediately. This is worse, so much worse than Quinlan feared.

"I didn't get you medical supplies to make you grateful," he says, his voice giving out on him. "I didn't do it to buy you."

No matter what he meant, every time he brought a ship full of essentials or even just a crate of basic supplies, Fox dropped everything he was doing to take Quinlan to bed. He never minded what he thought was enthusiastic thanks, not when he believed it was freely given, that Fox was happy to see him as much as the goods.

"You don't need to buy me," Fox says easily and then crushes what little hope Quinlan had left. "Clones already belong to the Jedi."

Quinlan curses his courage now. He should have done this per message, sent an apology after taking hours to find the right words. Then he could have disappeared out of Fox' life and they all could have gone their separate ways. No need to drag his shame out like this. No need to remind him what an absolute karking piece of bantha shit he is, repeatedly raping someone who cannot say no.

"You are a person," Quinlan says firmly and raises a hand to cut off Fox' protest before Fox can even open his mouth. "I don't care what the legalese says. You and your brothers are all people. You are all individuals with dreams and fears and needs. It's bad enough that the Republic forces you to fight their war for them." He makes himself look at Fox' eyes, not sure whether he is relieved when Fox stares at something right above Quinlan's shoulder. "I never meant to make things worse for you."

Now, their eyes meet. Now, there is a spark behind that flat expression.

"You didn't," Fox insists and Quinlan wishes for nothing more than that he could believe him. But he cannot.

To prove that, even though it will only hurt the both of them more, he says, haltingly, "So, if I told you right now to take off your armour and get on your knees for me, you would do it?"

"Yes." No hesitation, not even a twitch on Fox' terribly even face, the spark extinguished as if it was never there at all.

Bile rises once again in Quinlan's throat. "Even after I just said I don't want to hurt you and that I consider you a person with free will?"

Fox inclines his head just so, in a way that Quinlan always thought looked teasing. Now, he recognizes it for defeat. "I follow orders."

"Not these," Quinlan snaps. It is not Fox he is angry at, and yet he cannot help but making things worse. Unbidden, he asks, "Am I the only one?"

Fox is silent for a few beats too long. "I follow orders," he then repeats, flat, hollow.

Quinlan presses a hand against his eyes, as if this entire terrible situation would resolve itself if he just stopped looking at it. As if he could imagine himself somewhere else and just make it so. 

"This stops now," he then says, promises, really. It is easier to hold Fox' gaze when he gathers his determination instead of just carrying his guilt. "The Council is already working on getting you your own Jedi General."

Well, Obi-Wan is working on it. But Obi-Wan has been filled the kind of trembling fury that means he will stop at nothing to make this right. There has never been an injustice he saw and did not try to fix. He is the only one Quinlan trusts with this. More, certainly, than himself. He has done enough damage.

"Sir?" Fox asks quietly, looking wrong-footed for the first time since Quinlan entered his office.

"Not me, don't worry," he says quickly and then moves past it, unwilling to dwell on all the damage he has wrought when Fox will not do the sensible thing and punch him. Or yell at him. Or throw him out. Any healthy reaction would be a step in the right direction. "It has been a grave oversight that you've been placed directly under the Senate's supervision. We all know this place if full of vipers."

"The Chancellor won't allow that," Fox blurts out, clearly unhappy with himself for it.

And Quinlan heard him, loud and clear, sees the unhappy crease to his brow that was entirely absent before. "What do you mean?"

Pulling his hands behind his back, out of sight, Fox explains, "He can veto the Council's interference. He will."

"Why?"

Fox's jaw moves as he clearly considers and dismisses several possible answers.

Something is wrong. Something that has nothing to do with Quinlan. Maybe he should not throw himself at this, but he is desperate for any excuse to move them past Fox' unmoved, unquestioning ignorance of Quinlan trying to apologize. 

"Is there something I need to know about the Chancellor?"

Fox clenches his jaw for barely a fraction of a second. "No, sir."

There has never been a more obvious lie.

"Commander, I need you -" Quinlan comes to his senses and cuts himself off. What is he doing? He really has done enough damage here. "I'm sorry. I've known for a while that something's wrong here on Coruscant. You have never been treated well, but -" He clenches his hands, hides them just like Fox does. "Please cooperate with whoever the Council chooses for you. We want to help. We should have helped much sooner, but - I told them about your lack of medical supplies. About the restricted equipment. I see now I should have never assumed that was all of it." He looks at Fox, almost begs him, "Please let them help."

His tone and expression are as far from making this an order as he possibly can. Yet, he has the distinct feeling that this might be the only thing Fox would put up a fight against even if Quinlan ordered him. Accepting help, and from the Jedi no less, seems to be the point where Fox draws his line. If it were not such a terrible, hopeless situation, Quinlan might laugh. Where did they go so wrong?

And then Fox makes it worse. "Can't you stay?" he asks, a barely-there tremor to the words. That just breaks Quinlan's heart all over again, even before he can make sense of the actual words.

"What?" Quinlan asks before Fox can retrace. "You want me to - No, Fox. No. I hurt you. I -" He swallows, tries to breathe. He came here to stop hiding from the truth, so he pushes on. "I raped you, and I didn't even notice what I was doing. You deserve so much better."

Fox blinks, leaning back. With him, that might be the equivalent of a full body flinch. "You didn't rape me," he says, aghast, his tongue barely fitting around the word.

With bitter regret, Quinlan points out, "You didn't think you could say no to me and, really, I should have realized that. You never said no to anything else either, even if I knew you weren't happy about it." Ranging from how to go about a mission to forcing Fox to take a break, he never complained, never argued, never insisted on his opinion once Quinlan made his known.

"That's not rape," Fox tries again. "You never hurt me." He does not look like someone who is in denial that something bad might have happened to him. No, he looks like someone who experienced everything bad in the world and thinks this does not make the cut.

Quinlan breathes. Inhale, hold, exhale. "Your bruises. Did someone else -" he trails off. He is not the right person to lead this conversation. He does not even have the right to get angry over this, since he did the exact same thing to Fox. Perhaps he did no leave physical marks. Perhaps he did not mean to hurt him. None of that matters. Only what happened, which is that he abused someone he loves. Even thinking the word leaves a vile taste in his mouth, but he cannot hide from that. He believed himself to be in love and still hurt Fox, over and over again.

Pulling his shoulders further back, Fox says slowly, deliberately, "I would prefer if you became our General. You already know the Guard, and I -" His eyes flicker up to meet Quinlan's. "I believe you."

Breathing is not going to keep Quinlan calm for much longer. A pit has opened up in his stomach, aching and pulling at his insides. He wants to scream, to drink himself into oblivion to forget any of this ever happened. He has a debt to pay, though. Not for a moment does he believe that Fox trusts him, and he should not, but he has gone so long against Fox' wishes that he also does not want to brush him off now. Does not want to disappoint him again. This is a slippery slope and he is not sure there is a right answer. But this might be the first time Fox has asked something of him, no matter how carefully he dressed it as a mere statement.

"I can vet whoever they appoint," he tries to argue, thinking that he has to. "I can accompany them whey you are introduced."

"Please," Fox says and it would have been less painful if he stabbed Quinlan with his own lightsaber.

Quinlan guesses this is a thing of Fox rather taking the devil he knows instead of someone unknown. It is not a good solution, not healthy, but he finds himself nodding anyway. 

Still, he says, "We need clear ground rules. We will not be alone, ever, and you will tell me if you are of another opinion than I am. These are your men. I just want to fight the Senate and every other bastard who wants to treat you badly." 

"General," Fox says and Quinlan has no idea whether he means it as a question or an affirmation. Fox is a terrific actor, and Quinlan already knows he cannot take anything he says at face value until they have built some trust. If they ever manage to.  Quinlan is willing to give everything for it, though.

"I really am sorry," he says again, wishing Fox could believe him. And Fox looks at him, face still blank, but something seems to soften in his eyes. "Thank you, General."

[daughter-of-melpomene]

Ooooo!! Can you tell us about your three new Wednesday OCs, please?? 👀

@dancingsunflowers-ocs ✨🖤✨

Anything for you, my beloved Alexandra!! (And I'm also gonna tag @oneirataxia-girl, since she asked about my new babies too, and @luucypevensie since she's my other Wednesday girlie!! <;3)

So, first up is Padma Bakshi, my fairy girl! Fairies are actually pretty rare, so Padma is one of only two fairy students at Nevermore, and she definitely acts like she's rare. She's pretty much the definition of the sterotypical rich bitch, always brutally honest and a bit mean, but always dressed in trendy clothes with her hair, nails, and makeup done to perfection (her family has been around for ages and can literally enchant people so of course they're filthy rich). She's also had both an academic and personal rivalry going on with Bianca since they both started at Nevermore, and despite how much her heart races the few times Bianca's gotten in her face it takes Wednesday arriving and Bianca getting a new rival for Padma to realize she actually has feelings for the girl she's been claiming to hate for ages. They do finally get together, of course, but it isn't without many more bickering sessions between the two of them and Wednesday getting fed up and basically shoving the two of them at each other and demanding that they confess.

Next we have Gus (short for Agustín) Becerra!! He's a werewolf, a stoner, and also Nevermore's resident plug as a result. Weems has been trying to catch him in the act of dealing for years, but Gus is also an incredibly laid-back and likeable person so no one's ever been willing to rat him out. He's also been in love with Xavier for years, and often hangs around him in attempt to get the other boy to notice him the way he wants to be noticed. The two of them are friends, of course, because Gus is kind of friends with the whole school, but it never turns into anything more until Wednesday comes to Nevermore and Gus decides to tag along in her investigation into the townie-killing monster, while also trying to subtly matchmake for Wednesday and Enid and convince his new friend that the boy he loves isn't the one killing people.

And finally, we have Holly Millway, my Yoko ship!! Holly is a psychic... at least, that's what everyone at Nevermore believes, due to her ability to make technology short-circuit when she has strong emotions and see people's auras, and that's what Holly allows them to believe. The real answer to the question of what she is is a bit more complicated than that, but it's also information that only Holly and Weems know, and for good reason. Because of this, Holly mainly keeps to herself, never speaking in class and eating in the library every lunchtime, not allowing herself to have friends or let anyone in, to the point where a lot of students at Nevermore genuinely believe she can't talk. She's also ridiculously in love with Yoko and longs more than anything to be close to the gorgeous vampire in all her classes, but it isn't until after Wednesday uncovers the mystery of the Hyde and saves Jericho that she actually gains the courage to start putting herself out there and talking to people, motivated by the fact that a crazy teacher just got close to killing her and all her classmates. She and Yoko do eventually become a super-cute couple, but before that there is a lot of awkwardness and, eventually, Holly finally being brave enough to share the secret of what she is.

If anyone has any more questions about these babies, feel free to ask!!

[haleingstorm]

20 questions for 20 writers

Thanks @hedgehodgy I've never been tagged in a ask game before

How many works do you have on ao3 5!

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

75,882

3. What fandoms do you write for?

That's hard! I have a lot of ideas and half written stuff for a bunch of fandoms but the ones I have posted are Naruto, Percy Jackson, and Marvel.

4.What are your top 5 fics by Kudos?

What We Lost in the Fire (Naruto) .

Safety's an Illusion(Fates all Chance) (PJO)

Forgive me Father for I have Sinned(PJO/Naruto)

Walk in the Shadows of Men who Sold Their Lives to a Dream(PJO/Naruto)

Be not Afraid, Brave the Storm(PJO/Naruto)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! It's by far my favorite part about posting. I'm always eager to reply to all the comments even the small ones. Which I think stems from the fact that as a young newbie to fanfics I would always get so excited when an author replied to me. It's also fun!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh that's hard, a lot of my work is still being posted so I can't answer that without spoilers :).

7.What's the fic you wrote with the happiest endings?

Forgive me Father for I have Sinned probably. It ends super sweet with Poseidon and Percy finally having a conversation and hugs all around! (Of course he's going to get kidnapped soon after by Hera but that's besides the point)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. Most of my fics are pretty new which might play a role. I have gotten a couple 'so and so would never say that' kind of thing but not to the point where I've felt offended!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nah, though I've played around with a couple of ideas I find stories with strong platonic connections much more fun to write than ones with romantic ones.

10. Do write crossovers?

Absolutely! crossovers are my bread and butter especially in situations which pull attention towards some of the darker parts that get glossed over in canon because it's the norm(child solider trope I adore you). I absolutely adore reincarnation as well, one of these days I'll get around to writing my MHA x Naruto crossover that lives in my head rent free.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13 Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I've just recently gotten into writing fics instead of just day dreaming about them..

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't really have them, again platonic connections are much more interesting to me. I do like a good Tobirama x Madara though.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

What we lost in the fire. It's a time travel Naruto fic and I love the premise so much. The characters are wonderful but I have not done nearly enough outlining and I'm sure I'l write myself into a corner sooner rather than later.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oh that's hard I actually have no idea. People have commented on my fics that they like how I write the different characters to be very different/have their own personalities and flaws. So maybe that?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

descriptions probably, I'm really bad at describing stuff. And maybe planning I often jump into a project before I have a good idea where it's going to end and trap myself in a corner.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd rather not, I just don't know many languages and I'm so afraid of accidentally mixing it up. Besides all the bad stereotypes of bilingual characters and no personal experience makes me shy away from writing one.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto! The fic in mention will never see the light of day but it will always hold a place in my heart(as horrible and badly written as it was)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Safety's an Illusion(Fate's all Chance) hands down. I love that monster. I wrote the first draft for it in a month. As of right now the second draft is looking to be double the length. It's also the first fic I've been able to confidently have an update schedule for and be confident I'm going to finish it. It is so much fun to write!

Tagging: @fairyspheres (If you're interested!)

This was so much fun! Thanks again @hedgehodgy!

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 104: Evolving and Adapting

TWs in the tags

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Masterlist

Next

Before leaving, Puppy reluctantly puts her stuffed animals into her bag, along with everything nonperishable from the pantry that you and Leo didn't pack for yourselves. You think that's a good sign. She also grabs all the medical supplies in the house, which makes you feel really stupid for not thinking of that earlier. Before closing the bag up, she takes out two water bottles and passes them to you and Leo.

"If we're going to need water for the walk you will too," Leo says.

Puppy takes out one more water bottle mechanically and closes the garbage bag, then heads out the front door. You and Leo follow.

"Leo, make sure to let us know if you need a break, or help carrying your stuff." You say.

"I will. I'm not feeling too bad, though."

You believe them. It's been a long time since they were even a little okay, and the difference is very noticeable.

"We should ask the day and year as soon as we get to town." Leo jokes. "Like time travelers."

"Fuck, it'll be so nice to know what day it is again, and what time it is. I've definitely missed that."

"There are so many small things we'll finally get back." 

After a bit of silence, Puppy starts humming a lighthearted song. You feel like your heart could burst from happiness. So many small things…

Unfortunately, you're quickly distracted from that feeling by the annoyance of carrying full garbage bags through the woods. Your bag quickly collects several tiny tears, but luckily none are big enough for anything to fall out. It just means you have to hold the bag very carefully so that extra weight isn't put on the tears, causing them to get wider.

"We really should've double or triple bagged this stuff… or brought the box of garbage bags." You grumble.

Leo laughs. "We haven't gotten that far, we can go back if you want."

"Oh, no, I'm never going back. I'm just annoyed that we planned so much and didn't even think about what carrying this stuff through the woods would be like."

"Yeah, that's what happens when you have a group of three people where one is severely sleep deprived and probably still starving, one is experiencing withdrawal, and one is…"

"Brain damaged." You finish for them. Stupid Bunny.

"Right. Um… I'm really sorry I called you stupid, back in the basement. I don't think you're stupid."

"I am stupid. It's okay."

"B– Li– Austin. You're the one that found a way to kill Jane. You're so smart, and even if you weren't, you're so brave and compassionate. You're amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even me."

Are you… tearing up? "Thank you. You're… both of you are amazing too."

Leo smiles. "Of course we are. Just a little group of amazing people."

The rest of the walk is quiet. Trying to avoid your bag ripping open takes a lot of mental and physical energy. That'll be the first thing you buy when you get into town– new bags. And something for Puppy to drink to prevent her dying from malnutrition.

You take plenty of breaks, initiated by Amanda more often than not. She always opens her bag during breaks too, without ever taking anything out. When you asked her why, she took a stuffed animal out of her bag and showed it to you, which… didn't answer your question. Leo told you not to worry about it for now.

You feel… tense, stepping into the town. The last time you were in any kind of human civilization, Jane killed a lot of people to punish you.

It's pretty dark. You clear your throat. "Puppy, do you think the grocery store will still be open?"

Puppy shakes her head.

"Okay. Let's find a hotel. In the morning we can go get new bags and something for you to drink, and then… if there's a library we can use the computers to look at all the hotels nearby and see what's cheapest. Sound good?"

Puppy nods.

"So… do we just wander around until we find a hotel?" Leo asks.

You look over the three of you. "That'd be a good way to get the cops called on us."

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?"

"That's… a good question. Maybe we should've waited until morning to leave…"

"I'd rather spend all night in the woods than spend more time in that house than necessary. I… guess those are our options. Wander around trying to find a hotel, stay in the woods all night, or head back to the house. Should we… do a vote or something?"

None of those options sound particularly good. "I don't even know which one I want."

"Yeah… I guess we could split up, too."

You immediately shake your head. "Whatever we do, it should be together."

"But one person wandering around a town at night is a lot less suspicious than three people. Especially if said person leaves their bag of stuff here to be watched by the others."

Puppy stares at her open bag for a moment and then sighs. You guess she didn't bring anything to write with. "I think I'd be the best for that. I look the most pitiful." She lets her hair fall so that her missing ear is uncovered and touches the bandages on her face. "And I'm a scrawny white woman. It'd be harder to interpret me as a threat. Even if the police were called, I'd probably be fine. I've also been here before. I'll have an easier time navigating, even if I don't know exactly where to find a hotel."

These are all great points. "But… what if you get hurt?"

"I know people here. Including a lot of criminals, most of whom probably think Jane is still alive. People are less likely to mess with me than with either of you."

"But… I mean, if we're bringing race and gender into this, isn't it less safe for a woman to walk around alone at night? There are threats besides career criminals, people you probably never would've met."

"I'm not saying there are no risks. It's just the least risky option. Unless you think it's safer to wander through the woods at night, or sleep in the woods without shelter?"

Leo nods. "It does sound the least risky… though, to be fair, even if it does work, we'll have to walk to the hotel as a group with our garbage bags of stuff anyway. I mean, I'm the one that suggested it, but I don't think it makes much of a difference whether one of us finds the hotel, comes back, and guides the others or we just look around as a group for a while."

Leo's the best. "Right! Let's just go together. You should definitely lead, still. Like you said, you know this town the best. We'll look suspicious no matter what we do, let's just stick together."

Puppy hesitates, then nods.

"Perfect! Let's go."

Puppy walks quickly through the streets until you get to an area with fewer homes and more businesses, then starts moving more slowly, inspecting each building. Fairly soon after you've started searching, you stop in front of a building very clearly labeled as a hotel.

"I… think we spent more time arguing than it actually took to find this place." You say.

"Eh. Better safe than sorry." Leo pulls open the door. "After you."

It takes a bit of effort to get everyone's garbage bags through the door without ripping them, but you all manage it. The hotel clerk stares at the three of you the whole time, which you guess is fair. 

Leo sets their bag down and goes up to the front desk. "Are there any vacancies?"

The clerk puts on a customer service smile. "We do. What are you looking for?"

…you never discussed if you were going to share a room, or how many beds you'd want. Luckily Leo seems undeterred.

"The cheapest room available, please."

"How many nights?"

"One."

The clerk types something into a computer and gives the price. Puppy starts taking out some of the cash and counting it. 

"...do you take cash?" You ask. Probably should've asked that sooner.

"We can, but you would still need a card on file."

Shit. Shit shit shit.

"...Do you know of anywhere that doesn't need a card on file?" Leo asks.

"Nope."

The three of you look at each other. What are you supposed to do now?

Puppy goes up to the desk and places down the cash she just counted out. "I have a card."

There's no way that's true, but she reaches into her pocket anyway. She pulls something out, holding it in a way that covers most of it, but you notice a flash of green and realize it's just more money. She passes it to the clerk.

"Are you… trying to bribe me?"

Puppy nods.

The clerk looks at the money, then types something into the computer. They hand Puppy a key. "You'll be in room 104. Check-out is at 11 AM tomorrow.”

Puppy smiles at the clerk and heads down the hall, looking for the room. Leo grabs their bag, and the two of you follow Puppy.

"We don't have to hide," Leo says. "We can go try and get cards tomorrow."

Puppy unlocks the door labeled '104' and leads you inside. It's a pretty small room, and it only has one bed.

"Uh–"

"Puppy and you will share the bed. I know both of you would be fine with all three of us sharing the bed, so since I'm the one with the problem, I'll sleep on the ground."

They already did that sometimes at the house, when they wanted to be close to you but not sharing a bed close, so you aren’t as concerned as you might’ve been otherwise. If they chose to sleep on the ground when they had access to a bed, obviously it’s not that uncomfortable to them. They’re the one that asked for the cheapest possible room, anyway, they must’ve expected this.

"Yeah, let's make you a nest." You find extra blankets in a closet, take most of the pillows from the bed, and start the nest-making process. Leo tries to help as much as they can, but it really is just a one-person job. Puppy sets her stuffed animals on the bed.

“We should all get showered and change,” Leo suggests. “We’re dirty from walking through the woods.”

“Great idea!” You finish up the nest. “Puppy and I should replace our bandages, too.”

“You do that while I shower,” Leo says, pulling a clean outfit out of their bag.

“Perfect.” You bring Puppy to the bathroom and remove the bandages on her face and neck while Leo gets in the shower.

You wet a towel and start to clean her wounds. “I’ve been thinking. It’s okay if you don’t want to sleep tonight, I’m not as worried about that as you not eating. No one’s going to shock you when you start to drift off or anything, so you’ll fall asleep eventually no matter what. If you want to try and stay up tonight, though, I want to keep you company.”

You replace the old bandages with clean ones. Puppy doesn’t say anything. She takes your hand and takes off the bandage.

“Oh, I can do that myself.”

Puppy raises an eyebrow at you.

“Oh, I guess… you could’ve done your face and neck yourself…” It honestly didn’t even occur to you. “Sorry, I didn’t even ask.”

She waves dismissively and starts to clean the cut on your hand. 

“So!” You say loud enough that Leo can hear you over the shower. “Tomorrow, we’re going shopping and getting ourselves cards. Not necessarily in that order. Then we’ll use library computers to find the cheapest hotel nearby, and… go there. We’ll also research the buses around here.”

Puppy rebandages your hand. “We… need IDs. To get cards.”

“…shit. I lost track of mine after I came to the house, Jane probably took it. Leo, do you have access to any of your IDs?”

“I didn’t even have mine before Jane took me. I assume yours are lost too, Puppy?”

Puppy nods.

“She said yes. And we don’t even remember our names…” You frown. This is going to be a problem.

The shower turns off and Leo grabs a towel to dry themself. That was fast. “You remember your last name, don’t you? There’s that. And me and Puppy know your first name. Do you remember your social security number?”

You try to remember. There’s a shape to it, a rhythm you followed whenever you had to share it… but you can’t remember what actually went inside the rhythm. You don’t know if that’s because of the brain damage or just regular forgetting. “I don’t.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t know mine either. We’ll just… maybe you can get your hands on your school records? Or maybe someone you knew before could vouch for you? I mean, there are people who don’t even get a birth certificate when they’re born and they can still get IDs as an adult, so there’s got to be something we can do.” They get into their clean clothes. “We can worry about it tomorrow. I’m going to bed. We’ll want to get up pretty early tomorrow so that we can leave our stuff in here while we shop.” They exit the bathroom, leaving just you and Puppy.

“Hmm… maybe we should’ve replaced the bandages after showering…” stupid Bunny. “I guess we’ll just do our best not to get the bandages wet? And it’s not that big of a deal if we have to replace them again. Do you want to shower first?”

Puppy nods and leaves the bathroom to get clean clothes from her bag. She was allowed to shower when she wanted unless she was in the basement, so you don't think she'll need a lot of support in this. Having no reason to hang around in the bathroom, you go to hang out with Leo in the main room while Puppy showers.

Leo is playing with the clock on the nightstand. "I'm trying to set an alarm… if we get up at 7, we should have time to shop and stuff, right? Mostly I just want to be able to get back here and re-bag our stuff before we check out. It would be especially nice if we could do the shopping and the library research before we check out, so we don't have to worry about if we'll be allowed into the library with garbage bags full of stuff."

"Will stores even be open that early?"

"...I don't know. We'll have to ask Puppy. I'll leave the alarm at 7 for now, though." They set down the clock. "I really missed knowing the time. This is awesome."

You look over the small room. It's unremarkable in most ways, but… it has a clock. And you can leave whenever you want to. "It really is."

Leo yawns and goes to dig through their bag. "We should all eat something before bed. Or at least drink some water." They pull out a box of raisins and pour the contents into their mouth. "I'll try to convince Puppy to drink some water while you shower. Think you can handle convincing her to sleep? I heard you talking about it, but I didn't catch everything."

"I should be able to. I said I'd stay up and keep her company if she doesn't want to sleep– which I will do if she refuses to sleep– but I think if I just asked her to lie down with me she'd fall asleep quickly whether she wants to or not. It helps that this room is so small, she won't be able to keep herself awake pacing."

Leo nods. "Perfect. I, uh… I wish we didn't have to constantly push her, but we can't just let her hurt herself without trying to help… It's not fair that we get to adjust before working on any heavy-duty deconditioning while she has to be working on it constantly… But putting ourselves through that by taking off our collars or something wouldn't make things any easier for her."

"It sucks." You agree. "It wasn't fair for you to have to deal with withdrawal, either."

"...Yeah. I guess… we take care of each other. We have for a long time. And if we take turns, that's even better, because it means the person who's struggling can get the full undivided attention of the others."

"Exactly." You dig through your bag for some granola bars and have those and some water for dinner. Not the best meal ever, but far from the worst. 

Puppy emerges from the bathroom, her bandages still dry. She couldn't have been in there for longer than five minutes…

"Have you guys always showered that fast?" You ask.

"The water's cold," Leo says. "I… guess we could've waited… but in a place this big it would've taken forever. Better to just get it over with." 

Puppy nods in agreement.

"Okay…" You grab some clean clothes from your bag and head to the bathroom. "I'm gonna have a nice, warm shower, if possible, so… goodnight. Love you."

–

Puppy wishes she had waited, or spent longer in the shower. All she does when she's around is worry the others.

Kitty hasn't started pestering her to sleep or eat or drink yet, though. They look deep in thought.

She's so tired, and the white noise of the shower certainly isn't helping her stay awake. She forces herself to walk in place.

"It's weird, right?"

Puppy has no idea what they're talking about specifically, but she nods. Everything's weird right now.

"I mean… it didn't even occur to me to wait. I just… I guess the pathway in my brain between 'uncomfortable stimuli' and 'endure it' is so well-trodden other solutions didn't occur to me. Did it occur to you?"

Puppy shakes her head.

"Exactly. It's like… those guys that tortured those poor dogs… what's the word… Learned helplessness! That's what they call it. When you can't do anything to protect yourself for so long that you start to assume there's no escape without even checking."

Puppy remembers Master teaching them about that experiment… it's not a pleasant memory, but it could've been worse.

"It's good to be aware, though. I'm glad she taught us so much about psychology, at least. It was to hurt us and taunt us, but now it can be really helpful." They smile. "We'll have to look out for that. Times where we could make ourselves more comfortable easily but aren't."

Puppy is so, so tired. She misses just having to endure. Having all these choices… it's so hard. Things weren't easy before, but they were… simple. She misses that, even if she doesn't miss the torture.

"It'll be hard because we still have to endure a lot of things. We don't know when we'll next get money, so we'll have to settle for a lot of uncomfortable things to make it last as long as possible. So I guess… we just need to think of the reason we're uncomfortable. Make sure it's something we're consciously choosing and not just falling into because we're used to it."

Puppy nods along, but she doesn't really want to be comfortable. Comfort is for when Master chooses to give it, otherwise… it makes her sloppy. Like, if she was comfortable right now, she would fall asleep without permission.

Master is dead. Master is dead. Master is dead so she's never going to get to feel comfortable again– stop that!

"-uppy?" Her thoughts are interrupted. "Would you please sit down? Or… stop marching in place?"

She reluctantly stops moving.

"Thank you. I need you to drink some water, alright? You didn't drink any on our way here."

She feels… guilty. Like a kid getting caught not eating their vegetables. All she does is make people worry!

She grabs the water bottle she was supposed to drink during the walk and chugs it until there's none left. She wordlessly begs Kitty to stop worrying, to be satisfied.

"Thank you." They sound so relieved that she can almost ignore the waves of terror crashing over her. "Let's do something to keep your mind off it. Um…" They look around the fairly barren room. "Wanna play twenty questions?"

Puppy nods. A distraction would be nice.

"Okay, think of a person, place, or thing. You got one in mind?"

Puppy, not feeling very creative, decides on 'hotel.' She nods.

"Okay, is it a person?"

The two of them play a few rounds before Bunny finishes with his shower. Puppy feels a bit better about drinking water without permission again, as long as she doesn't think about it.

"Alright, I'm really tired, are you two going to be okay if I go to sleep?"

Puppy nods.

"Get some sleep." Bunny says. 

"Oh, wait– I set the alarm for 7 AM, do you think anything will be open then, Puppy?

Puppy nods. She remembers checking the hours the grocery store was open to try and figure out what time it was. It's open from 7 AM to 10 PM. 

"Sweet! See you in the morning, goodnight." Kitty gets curled up in their nest. 

Bunny turns his attention to Puppy. "Do you want to try going to sleep?"

She slowly shakes her head. She doesn't want to, but she knows she'll have to eventually.

Bunny sits on the bed, legs under the covers. "That's okay. I'll keep you company, like I said. You must be cold, though, after your cold shower. Wanna get under the blankets?"

She knows what he's doing. It's not subtle. But… being warm does sound nice, and she doesn't want to worry Bunny, and he was right that she'd fall asleep eventually anyway, so… it might as well be now, right? Better than passing out when she's needed.

She carefully sets each of her stuffed animals next to the bed before climbing into bed with Bunny and oh– he's warm. That makes sense, but she wasn't expecting it. She cuddles up close to him.

"Thank you." Bunny says, and that's all. He doesn't try to convince her to lie down or rest her eyes. He just holds her, and runs fingers through her hair, and breathes deeply and evenly.

She didn't stand a chance. She falls asleep within the first minute of sitting down.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Let me know if you want a summary of any of these logistics-heavy chapters, I know they're a lot longer than normal and that not everyone finds the logistics of escape and recovery as interesting as I do.

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole @whumplr-reader