#<- lying i had a big panic about it but i asked my mom for help and read a bunch of info on the taxes website and its fine now :)

[amphibianaday]

day 1246

[darlingofvalyria]

❝Uncle Aegon said you threatened muña— threatened!❞

[ Aegon amusingly reveals to your children how his brother actually met you. ]

[ 2,272 ] | aemond targaryen x dr. wife!reader, modern au!

contains— no warnings, just fluff, innuendo - children (you & aems have four kids hsdhjsdhs) - aemond being a dick the first time he met you!! but within reason ig??? - you're a doctor, hon, cos you're so smart - aegon being the fun, shit-stirrer uncle help - hospital? accident but no graphic depictions.

a/n— enjoy my first fic mwa ♡ comment, like & reblog at will!

Every weekend, you spend your days with your mother in law and the rest of the family. Family— to your husband — is very important. Spending it surrounded not just you and your kids, but his mother, his siblings, and the afternoon sun casting a glow over the family home that he grew up in, through hells and heavens, was everything to Aemond Targaryen.

A few times a year, Aemond forgets his family also included his older brother.

Because when the birds are chirping, the music of the trees swaying in the breeze are calming, and you are lying on top of him on the hammock, lazily swaying about as he relished in the feel of your body on top of his, your warmth engulfing his senses, and a book he placed gently on top of your back— of course Aegon Targaryen was going to be the reason his oldest child and teenage daughter, was going to come thundering in big steps and a huff, smacking her hands to her hips and glaring at her father.

"You lied to me, daddy!" she half roared as she stopped right in front of him. Her siblings, like little ducks, followed suit as they clamoured all over the hammock, giggling at their mother who woke up from her drowsy reverie, blowing raspberries at them before turning amusedly at their daughter, then to Aemond.

"What'd you lie about, hon?" you asked with sleepy mirth in your eyes.

"Apart from Santa and the Easter Bunny incident, I have no idea." He kissed the top of your nose, then sighed, as you rose and untangled yourself from him, picking up your youngest, Daegon, only about four years old, murmurs of asking about his day and did he enjoy having tea with his grandma.

He then turned to his eldest daughters, impatience and betrayal exuding from them in spades (he often enjoyed how much his daughters resembled him; not so much in fiery-licked rage), and he sighed again before he turned to Valera, his eldest. "Can you elaborate better, little dragon? As far as I can remember, I have not lied to you since you were six."

"You said you met mom through Auntie Hel, you lied," your third child and eldest boy, Rhaegar, said with a happy little giggle as he hid from his father into the dress of your skirt, clinging to your leg. Both of you froze, you with a slow, widening smile as you realised the kids knew.

Aemond on the other hand, wasn't as amused. In fact, his entire soul froze.

"Who—"

"Uncle Aegon said you threatened muña, threatened!" your second daughter, Rhaella, shouted, eyes bugged out in disbelief. Rhaegar giggled again, no doubt remembering the chaos that ensued once their uncle told the magnificent story without his permission as his sisters lost their mind.

"I—"

Valera, often sweet and admired her father fiercely (she had three years of being an only child before Rhaella was born, and Aemond did not hold back in spoiling her), started to have tears in her eyes as his heart squeezed at the sight.

"You lied, daddy, how could you?" There was devastation in her voice that mirrored Aemond's, a panic growing deep in the pit of his stomach while you tried to muffle your snickers behind your youngest's head.

He would have glared at you if he didn't feel like he was about to lose his mind, instead employing his best 'please help me i will literally do anything you want' wide eye, before you chuckled, shaking your head as you put down Daegon who immediately plopped down on the ground, yanking grass. Rhaegar followed, trying to find bugs; a habit he formed by hanging out with Auntie Helaena.

As you keep a mindful peripheral eye on your boys, you gathered your daughters to you, they immediately latched to your torso as if they weren't thirteen and ten respectively, sniffling and glaring at their father as he was made public enemy number one.

You bit your bottom lip to keep yourself from bursting into laughter as his face sunk deeper into despair, standing up, unable to stay seated any longer, offering them open palms of mournful looks and piercing glares at the manor behind his girls where the reason for his current predicament was no doubt giggling like an idiot.

"My loves, tell me, what did Uncle Aegon actually tell you?" you ask soothingly, running your hands through their silver hair. They looked up at you mournfully, and you bit your lip harder as you realised they even looked like their father in this moment.

"H-he said," Rhaella sniffed. "That he was angry at you. At the hospital."

"And that he yelled at you!" Valera wailed, shooting his father a withering look that had Aemond sinking into himself before he shot his own withering look at the house again, murder in his eye.

"I did not yell at your mother, Valera."

Amused, you raised an eyebrow. "And what would you call it?"

He shot you a 'you're not helping' look as he ave a disgruntled little hum. "I wouldn't it call it 'yelling', my love, merely raising my voice."

At the sort of confirmation, Val and Rhae let out a hiccuped wail. Aemond begun marching back at the house, fingers flexing with a mutter of, I'm going to rip him from spleen to spine, break every bone in his body and stomp on his—

You jolt out your arm, grasping his, laughing lightly as you brought him close and gave him a peck to the corner of his lips. This abated him, if slightly.

"Please don't kill your brother at your mother's house," you whispered against his lips, grinning.

He rubbed your back, more a habit he used to keep himself in control, whispering back, "Wouldn't be the first attempt."

"Then don't kill your brother with your children present, and your wife, who is a doctor. It is literally against my Hippocratic Oath, darling."

"It's why you're the doctor, my love. My job is to defend our honour freely."

"I really think this is your honour instead of mine." You giggled against his lips as he groaned, and you turned back at your daughters who frowned at both of you. You smiled calmly at them. "Okay, okay, girls. I don't think your Uncle Aegon told you the full story. Let Kepa tell you, hm?"

"Is it a good story?" Rhaella asked, wide eyed. "I don't want to know it if kepa sucked."

"If kepa sucked, does that mean we're bastard children?" Val frowned. "Lyanna said bastard children happens when fathers suck, her father said so."

Aemond and you shared a look, his in alarm, yours in complete mirth, before you burst out laughing, unable to stop yourself anymore.

"What is with everyone saying things to children?!" Aemond inhaled deeply. "Please let me explain. It's a long, longer story than just me raising my voice at your mother. Very interesting that your Uncle Aegon left out the part that I was panicking because of your Aunt Helaena and Uncle Daeron."

"Ha?" Rhaella's eyes comically widened further as she pulled away from you and moved closer to her father. In relief, like a cartoon cat dangling the cheese in front of a mouse, Aemond pulled her hand gently until he managed to wound her arms over his torso. "What happened to Auntie and Uncle?"

"They got into an accident, dōna mēre sweet one," Aemond murmured against her head, palpable relief as he kept her close. Rhaegar, bored brought himself and his little brother to their father, until Aemond swept them the four of them into the hammock, Daegon giggling and blowing bubbles at his father's rearranging of them so they wouldn't fall.

"Wanna go?" you teased your eldest daughter who was squirming not being part of the little huddle. Aemond opened his arms, smiling hopefully. You laughed as Valera gave you a kiss to your chest and raced to her father and siblings, moving around until they all managed to fit together.

The tree creaked as you placed your hands on your hips, pouting at them playfully as Aemond met your gaze with a shit-eating proud smirk on his face.

"Come, ñuha prūmia my heart."

"And risk crashing and burning? No, thank you. Go tell your little story while I avenge your honour and maybe get lemon cakes."

At the chorus of 'me toos' and 'yays', Aemond mouthed 'I love you' before you disappeared off, and he turned to your kids, keeping them close to his ribcage; little pieces of his hearts that grew legs and arms.

"Okay, ñuha byka zaldrīzoti my little dragons, so it all started with an accident that was entirely your Uncle Aegon's fault. . ."

Your Uncle Aegon had borrowed your Uncle Daeron's motorcycle to get to a frat party because the girl he liked would be there— this is irresponsible, children, and this is why you shouldn't be riding motorcycles and going to frat parties, yes Val, it's not as cool as it looks — anyway, his car had a broken taillight and he forgot to had it changed or tell anyone.

Your Uncle Aegon... didn't return the bike— or returned back home for the rest of the night, yes Rhaella, it was because he was, um, reading with the girl all night, like your mom and I do when we go to bed, yes Rhaegar, like how we read to you but, um, just with them.

Anyway! Your Aunt Helaena's little pup at the time, Dreamfyre, yes, baby, Dreamfyre was a puppy before she was a big dog, just like you— Dreamfyre got sick, and since Uncle Daeron was at home and he had a bike, Hel asked him. But then they saw it was gone, they had no choice but to take your uncle's car. They didn't notice the taillights.

They were speeding through, which is bad, yes, don't speed, but this was an emergency and Uncle Daeron was doing his best to hit every red stoplight when they tried to go one way but the light didn't go on, and they got into an accident.

No, Rhaegar, they didn't die, you know this, your Uncle Daeron is with Auntie Nyra, remember? And Aunt Hel is just inside, don't cry, baby. Ok, so where were we? Right, accident.

I get the call and I was panicking, out of my mind. All they said was that both of my siblings were at the hospital, declaring your uncle's plate number and I just knew it was his fault. I was already pretty angry then, and I might have transferred most of that to your mom.

Your mom, at the time, was a resident. A first year resident so she still had bad hours, and at the time, her shift mate had gotten sick and no one was able to take her shift.

Yes, dōna mēre sweet one, the times when muña can't come home fast enough. Because she has to be at the hospital to save people.

That night, your mom had been awake for 32 hours. She was not having a good day. She had lost a patient that day too, but I didn't know that, hm? She was just trying to get through the rest of her shift, having finished checking up on your uncle, when I had barrelled through like an angry beast.

All I could really remember was that I couldn't see your Aunt Hel, and your Uncle Daeron was on the hospital bed with a cast on his foot, and your mom had just looked away when I... well...

"— When you started ranting like an absolute madman, demanding better care of your baby brother when he wasn't even wincing in pain, asking for a real doctor because I looked five shies away from having graduated high school," you said, grinning wide as you handed your procured lemon cakes, and outright laughing at Aemond's sheepish, flustered look as both of his girls stared at him wide eyed.

"Kepa, oh my god," Val murmured, munching on her pastry. "That is so bad."

"You had no game," Rhae continued, sort of perplexed about the reason for her conception. "How did mom ever like you?"

"I would've slapped you," Val confirmed, nodding. "Just like you told me I would do if boys acted stupid."

As you couldn't stop laughing so hard you were bent over, your boys found your joyous display wonderful, pushed and kicked around their father while their sisters yelled about their lemon cakes, before reaching your skirts and you started spinning them around, plopping on the ground not a minute later, snuggling your babies close.

Aemond breathed a laugh, pulling his daughters close. "I know, I know, it was so bad. I was actually impressed your mother didn't slap me."

"I wanted to strangle him with the dextrose!" you chirped. "But I made an Oath, so I didn't. But ohh, with that haughty look your father sometimes get when he thinks— no, when he knows he's right? When he doesn't even need to say I told you so, he's just smirking like it?"

At your daughters— even your darling Rhaegar's triple nods, Aemond made a hm of offense, lips flattening.

"I made you three," Aemond said.

You coughed.

"I helped make you three. This is betrayal," he declared before his hands found its way to your daughters sides and tickled them with no mercy. Crows of 'Kepa, please!' between giggles warmed your chest.

"Aemond," you chidded as Rhaella gasped, snorting, and he stopped.

"So how'd you make mom fall in love with you?"

You and Aemond shared a look, your entire life stretching with one warm gaze, and a smile stretches both of your lips. Its lovesick, and familiar to your kids. Rhaella coos at it, but Rhaegar, having favoured his Uncle Aegon, makes a gagging noise before you started tickling him too.

"He apologised," you said. "Took him several tries. Your Uncle Daeron was actually ready to be discharged by the third day. Your Kepa brought him everyday to have a 'check up'."

"Daddy... that is still so lame," Rhaella whispered, in awe of how dorky her father is. Val is hiding herself in shame.

"Got her to accept my apology, and say yes to a date, you two should be grateful," Aemond said smugly.

"Why, mom?"

"Well, he was handsome for one." You snorted at his smirk. "He was sweet for another, explaining he just panicked, and I could understand that. Also he groveled for a long, long while."

"Even after the first date?" Val asked, eyes owlish.

You smirked. "Oh, definitely."

"I did deserve it."

"You did."

He smirked. "But I charmed you anyway."

You rolled your eyes. "You did."

"Come and give me a kiss, my love."

"Ewwww!"

[juanarc-thethird]

Hi I have a question are you still doing I have a license for that?

Yes I do ------------

I have a license for that! Part 3

Jaune is in the library using one of the computers checking flights to return home.

Jaune: Dammit, why is everything so expensive?

Winter: Is everything all right?

Jaune: Hm?

He looks back and looks at Winter standing near him.

Jaune: Oh, hello Winter. Everything is fine, thanks.

Winter: From the tone you had for a moment it didn't sound like everything was fine.

Jaune: It's nothing important. I just can't find flights to go home for a family thing, but I haven't given up. But thanks for asking.

Winter: If you want I can take you there. I have my own airship.

Jaune: Really?!

He says excitedly, but immediately takes it back.

Jaune: Oh no, no, no, I can't ask you that. It's too much. Thanks but I can't accept your help.

Winter then turns to the screen Jaune is using and sees where he is going.

Winter: You know, I was already heading to my family's villa and where you're trying to go is close by. If you don't mind making that short stop, I can drop you off there later. Also, so that you don't feel like it's too much, it would help me a lot to have some extra hands.

Jaune: For real?

Winter: Mm-hm, It's just a routine stop and then I'll leave you wherever you want.

Jaune: *Happy* Ok, cool! Thank you!

Winter: No problem. I leave early tomorrow at 7am.

Jaune: Great! I'll be there at 6:30am.

Winter: Understood. See you there. *Walks away*

Jaune: See you there! And thank you again!

The next day...

Jaune meets Winter at the airship port with his suitcase.

Jaune: Good morning Winter, I'm ready to go.

Winter: Good morning Jaune. You can put your suitcase in the back of the ship.

Jaune: Thank you.

He started to walk towards the back of the aircraft but then he stopped.

Jaune: You know, I never told you what kind of help you need in your family's villa.

Winter: Really? I thought I did.

Jaune: No, you didn't. What kind of help do you need?

Winter: I'm just going to clean the house a little. Nothing big.

Jaune: Ok, wait, let me see if I understand. Your family is the richest in all the four kingdoms, but they do not have a cleaning staff in their villa. Forgive me but it sounds a bit suspicious.

Winter: You're overthinking it. The reason we don't have Staff is because-

Jaune: *Interrupts her* Are you a member of my mom's club?

Winter: *Surprise* What?! What club? I don't know what you're talking about?

Jaune: That reaction makes me think the opposite. You know what, I'm just going to play it safe. Thank you very much for your help, but I will find another way to get there.

Jaune starts to leave but Winter stops him by grabbing his suitcase.

Winter: *Panic* Wait!

Jaune: Hey! Let go!

Winter: I swear I'm not part of your mom's club!

Jaune: Fine, you are not! Can you let me go now?!

Winter: Can I still take you home?!

Jaune: No!

Winter: Then I can't let you go!

Jaune: Winter!... *pulls* Let!... *Pulls* Me!... *PULLS* Go!... *PULLS!* now!... *PULLS!!!!!*

And with the last pull, they both lost their balance and fell to the ground. As a card fell, it came out of Winter's jacket and slid over to where Jaune was lying. They both get up and Jaune notices the card.

Jaune: What is this?

Winter: *Gasp!* Don't look!!

He takes the card and…

Jaune: What the fuck?!

Winter immediately lunges towards Jaune taking the card from his hands. She pushes him to the ground and using her Semblance, she leaves him stuck there.

Jaune: I knew it! I knew you were part of that weird club!

Winter: *She gets into her airship* I'm sorry, my love, but I didn't expect you to find out so quickly.

Jaune: Can you at least explain to me why my mom created this club?!

Winter: I'm sorry, but it's not my place to say. Look for the Witch, she may give you the answers you are looking for.

Jaune: The Witch?!

Winter: Goodbye.

Jaune: Hey! Wait!!

She starts the engines of her airship and flies away. After some distance, Jaune is freed.

Jaune: *Upset* Fuck, back to square one.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 51

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe: Military School

Words: 5K

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, February 13; 09:00 AM - Hotel

Lying in the hotel bed, I enjoy the kisses and cuddles Lucy is giving me. We’ve been lounging in bed for a good half hour now. Neither of us has found the courage to get out.

“So, snowmobiling is on the agenda for today?” I ask her between kisses.

“Yeah. We’ll go up the mountain. There’s a little village. You’ll see, the scenery is amazing. You’re going to love it.”

“It’s already beautiful here. We’re surrounded by mountains.”

“It’s even more beautiful up there, trust me.”

I smile as she trails her fingers across my belly. It’s bare, the fabric she pulled up earlier exposing it. She wanted to check the state of my bruises. They’re not very pretty, but I’m glad they’re starting to fade. It was about time, especially since I’m not in as much pain anymore.

“We’ll have to get up,” I say.

“I know.”

Last night, after dinner, we arranged to meet at the restaurant at ten. We had just finished the debriefing where everyone shared what they wanted to do this week. Jenni volunteered to organize the activities since she had been here before. Nothing was planned in advance, but we promised to do as much as possible. Everyone preferred to plan day by day, which is better since we’ll never know in advance what state we’ll be in. That’s why we’re starting with a late wake-up, as requested by some who love to sleep in. The idea was agreed upon after Aitana suggested we have brunch and skip lunch. I groan as I feel Lucy getting out of bed. She smiles at me in a strange way.

“What’s up?”

“There’s something I’d really like to do this week.”

“What’s that?”

“The big bathtub in the bathroom has been calling to me since yesterday.”

Her suggestion intrigues me in an odd way. I’m afraid I know what she’s hinting at. The bathtub is indeed large and could easily fit both of us. There are even jets, like in jacuzzis, that we could probably turn on.

“Before you panic, it’s not about rushing things, but... I’d like us to do couple things this week, you know? This is probably the best time to deepen our intimate relationship. We might not have time to do the same on our next vacation before the big stress of your exams.”

I sigh and nod. I know exactly what she means. Next week will likely be devoted to my studies and my brother if my mom agrees to let him come. Lucy has agreed to host him if my mom gives the okay. Then classes will resume. I’ll have a break in April, but I doubt it’ll be very restful between Easter and preparing for my exam in May.

“Okay, why not,” I say nervously.

“We don’t have to be naked if the idea makes you uncomfortable,” Lucy adds. “We can wear our swimsuits.”

A smile forms on her lips as the pressure I was feeling suddenly dissipates. This way, the idea seems much more appealing. I’m glad I listened to her and brought my swimsuit after all. Maybe she had planned this bath from the start. If I’m honest with myself, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do with someone. My last shared baths were either in childhood or with Joan. While still intimate, it’s a different kind of experience.

“I’d really enjoy that.”

“Cool,” she says, excited. “We’ll do it after a tiring day.”

I giggle and nod. I have no doubt we’ll have plenty of those in the coming week. Nothing has been planned in advance, but in the snow, I don’t think activities will be lacking.

“We could also go to the hotel pool sometime,” I suggest. “You told me there was one, and it was nice.”

“We will, don’t worry,” she smiles. “Okay, I’m going to take a shower.”

She kisses me before locking herself in the bathroom. I groan as I hide under the covers. I’ve never had a life as perfect as this. It makes me realize that my happiness revolves entirely around Lucy. Without her, I’d be nothing. I owe her everything. I pull the covers off due to lack of air and decide to get up too. I quickly choose my clothes before she returns. I decided to borrow one of Lucy’s black sweatshirts. I hope she won’t mind. I also took a turtleneck to layer up since I’m still not used to the cold. For the bottom, I opted for jeans. Lucy comes out a few minutes later, wrapped only in a towel.

“I forgot my clothes,” she explains. “The bathroom’s all yours.”

“T-thanks...”

I hurry to escape the sight of her beautiful athletic body. Why couldn’t I inherit that from my dad? He was well-built too, considering his job. I shower quickly without washing my hair, then get ready. The sweatshirt fits me perfectly. It’s a bit loose, but I guess Lucy wears it that way. Good, because I don’t like tight clothes. I finish applying mascara and fix my hair to make it look decent.

“Looks like being late isn’t your thing anymore,” Lucy comments when I return.

“Apparently not,” I reply with a smile.

“Does my sweater suit you?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve been looking for it everywhere. I thought I’d lost it because of you.”

“Oh... Sorry. Do you want it back? I can wear something else if you want.”

“It’s fine, Ona,” she giggles, placing her hands on my waist. “It’s actually nice seeing you in my clothes.”

She murmurs against my lips before kissing me tenderly. I practically melt under her touch. I deepen our kiss, which warms me up quickly. So quickly that I force myself to pull away a little too abruptly.

“Sorry...”

I feel uneasy. I’ve never stopped one of our kisses before. Of course, I’ve been hesitant about some of her advances, but never a kiss that was a bit too intense.

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about,” she says softly, caressing my cheek.

“You have too much of an effect on me,” I half-joke.

“Glad to hear it,” she chuckles. “It’s okay, alright?”

I bite my lip and nod. She’s so sweet to me. She smiles before kissing my forehead. I close my eyes, appreciating the contact. I hate that I’m so nervous about such simple things.

“Let’s go. We’re going to show Jenni that we can be the first ones downstairs.”

I laugh as I follow her to the door. It’s a little before ten when we arrive at the restaurant, holding hands. We’re indeed the first ones at the table from yesterday. We take our seats and wait for the others to arrive.

“The wake-up call must have been tough for some. Don’t you think?”

“Oh yeah,” I giggle.

I can already imagine what Mapi must have looked like upon waking up. She’s never been much of a morning person. Kind of like me, actually. I wasn’t before my new routine. I guess her friends must be the same if she’s asking me.

“Was your routine different before I arrived at school?” I ask curiously.

“A bit,” she admits. “I used to wake up at five-thirty and go to bed a little after ten.”

“Ouch. You’re crazy!”

“A little, I admit. I sleep more now, but I liked having peace for my runs,” she shrugs.

“Waking up at five-thirty definitely gives you that. Speaking of running... I’d like to start again. If you’re up for it, of course.”

A sly smile spreads across her lips. I bite my lip as I feel her hand on my thigh. She leans in slowly, as if trying to unsettle me, which she does perfectly. My cheeks flush.

“Is there a particular reason for this decision, Princess?”

“I don’t know... To spend time together...?”

My excuse is not at all convincing, and she knows it by the way she laughs.

- "You hate running. Be honest, please," she insisted with an even bigger smile.

- "You know why..."

- "I want to hear you say it."

- "You're really mean."

- "It's not mean," she giggled. "Come on, tell me."

- "Alright," I cleared my throat. "Maybe because I want to stay in shape? That's how you say it, right?"

She started laughing, making me feel even more uncomfortable. It's so embarrassing for me to talk to her about this. I want to get back into shape partly because of her, but also for myself. I’ve never felt completely comfortable in my own skin, and she seems amused by it.

- "You're perfect just the way you are, my love. You don’t need any ‘maintenance,’" she teased, miming air quotes. "And that’s your girlfriend talking."

I can't quite describe how I feel right now. She never uses pet names, and here she’s giving me a whole sentence’s worth. I must be as red as a tomato by now.

- "We’ll find other ways to spend time together. You have your activities, and I have mine. It’s like if I told you I wanted you to help me paint a picture."

- "That’s not the same," I chuckled.

- "Yes, it is. We’re both disasters in each other’s hobbies."

- "Alright… I get it," I mumbled.

- "You're beautiful, never doubt that. I’ll be here to remind you if you do."

I took a deep breath and nodded, then leaned in to kiss her. She’s so patient with me, it makes me want to open up even more. We picked up where we left off with our earlier kiss, and this time, I didn’t pull away. It felt like I was rediscovering her lips, her mouth, her tongue... Unfortunately, a throat-clearing interrupted us, forcing us to part reluctantly.

- "Well, things are heating up here!"

I didn’t need to look to know who it was—only my best friend would make such a comment. She sat down across from us, grinning widely. I raised an eyebrow just as Lucy draped her arm over my shoulders.

- "Here or in your bed last night?"

My girlfriend’s question wiped the smile right off her face, while Ingrid laughed beside her.

- "Is it that obvious?" Mapi asked.

I was initially taken aback by her response, but quickly started to laugh, realizing who I was talking to. My God, I can't believe it! They’ve been together for less time than us and already spent the night together. I’m not surprised by Mapi, though. When we were together, she was ready pretty quickly, unlike me. Despite her open-mindedness, she seemed embarrassed at being caught so easily by my girlfriend’s joke.

- "No, b-but—"

- "Stop. You’re not convincing anymore," Lucy laughed.

I joined in, seeing the pouty face she made. Meanwhile, Ingrid didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed by the conversation. She just smiled, patting my best friend’s shoulder as she crossed her arms.

- "Well, we’re consenting adults after all!" she replied, no longer trying to hide.

- "Now that you know how our night went, how was yours?" Ingrid asked us.

- "Not much different from any other night together," I replied.

- "We’re pretty patient," Lucy added with a hint of humor.

I bit my lip, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye. She seemed totally relaxed about the subject, unlike me. Yet, I enjoy every night I spend with Lucy, especially last night when we stayed up late watching a movie and cuddling. It was the first time we were free from obligations. We’re settling into habits, like how it’s usually Lucy who holds me in her arms. It happens the other way around sometimes, but it’s rarer. What troubles me is not knowing how long Lucy will be okay with this pace. I know she’ll never pressure me, but she might expect more in a few months, and I hope I’ll be ready for her by then. These thoughts occupied me as our table gradually filled up. Everyone seemed in a good mood, despite the fact that waking up must have been harder for some. Like me, the excitement of the day must be taking over. Our breakfast was cheerful, with Lucy’s friends welcoming Mapi, Alexia, and me as if we’d always been part of their group. I indulged in a real feast, starting with my usual hot chocolate and a pastry. Since we’re skipping lunch, I also had two slices of toast with jam and Nutella, and I couldn’t resist taking some fruit salad after seeing Lucy’s. My choices seemed meager compared to her balanced meal. I can see now how she maintains that dream body. Maybe I should reconsider my diet before thinking about exercising. During the meal, I learned that Ale had never really hung out with this group. Lucy was partly to blame, as she didn’t want to mix her private life with work. It’s ironic now that we’re together. Maybe our situation made her reconsider hers. In any case, I’m glad she’s here for this trip. Alexia has become a great friend, and I really like her. It was a little after ten-thirty when we decided to leave. No one was in a rush, which was good. After all, we’re on vacation.

- "Alright, let’s meet downstairs in ten minutes, okay?" Caroline asked.

- "Yeah. That’s enough time to gear up," Ingrid replied.

- "I made reservations for the snowmobiles," Jenni announced. "We’ll have to pick up the keys. I got five since there are ten of us. Does that work for everyone?"

No one had any objections. We’d be two per vehicle, which was fine by me. I wasn’t sure I knew how to drive one of those things, so I was glad to be with Lucy, who probably knew how it worked. We split up to head back to our rooms, agreeing to meet at the reception in an hour.

- "Did you put anything under your jeans?" she asked me when we got to our room.

- "No, why?"

- "I recommend wearing tights or leggings. It’s really cold outside. We’re in the negatives, so you’ll freeze if you stay like that."

I grumbled, but her advice was sound. I took off my jeans as she suggested and sat on the bed. I waited while Lucy rummaged through our closet. She finally handed me a pair of leggings and some joggers that were clearly wider than the jeans I’d chosen that morning.

- "Here, put these on too."

She handed me some snow boots. It seemed she knew how to gear up better than I did. She must have packed for both of us when she did her luggage. She sat next to me to put on hers.

- "Did you buy these just for me?" I asked, surprised.

- "No, they’re my old pair," she smiled. "They’ll do for this trip. I knew you wouldn’t think of this sort of thing. I didn’t either the first few times I encountered snow."

- "Oh... I thought you just assumed I was forgetful."

- "You *are* forgetful," she giggled. "But it’s adorable. I’ve always loved that about you."

- « That’s not really a good quality… »

«  Who said it had to be? Perfect people are boring. I had a girlfriend who thought she was perfect and knew everything. Believe me, every moment I spent with her was dull," she said, getting up. 

- I guess all that’s left is for me to distract you with my flaws.

- I guess so, she laughs, zipping up her jacket.

I put on mine and grab my gloves. I’d better not wear them yet; otherwise, I won’t be able to do anything.

- I feel like I’ve gained ten pounds with all these layers of clothes, I say, looking at myself.

- Trust me, you’ll be glad you’re dressed like that once we’re outside.

- No doubt about that.

I’ll be glad when we get there because I’m starting to feel warm with all these clothes. We tidy up the clothes lying around before heading back downstairs. Once again, we’re the first to arrive, but Jenni and Alexia quickly join us. Lucy leaves me to go with Jenni to the counter to get the keys. I smile at Alexia as she comes over to keep me company. She gives me a playful nudge.

- So, how’s it going with the Commander?

I smile, glancing over at Lucy, who’s talking to the young receptionist from yesterday. The poor guy looks super uncomfortable, and I can understand why. Lucy always has an impressive presence, no matter who she’s talking to. I nod to Ale and shift my gaze back to her.

- Yeah... More than well.

- If anyone had told me one day that the great Bronze would be dating a student, I’d have laughed out loud... But I’m happy for you; you deserve it. She seems like a good person, against all odds.

- She is. She helps me with a lot of things.

No one has ever understood me like she does, and never, ever, has anyone stood up to me the way she does. She opened my eyes, and now she’s the person who knows me best. I want to share all this with Ale, but I don’t say anything. Lucy is different from the others, and I intend to keep her to myself.

- Well, ladies, why the long faces?

Mapi comes between us, putting her arms around our shoulders.

- If anyone had told me I’d be here with you in a place and situation like this, I wouldn’t have believed it, she comments.

I guess everyone is thinking the same thing. I watch as Lucy walks over to us with a smile. She dangles some keys on her fingertips as she reaches me. I try to grab them, but she closes her hand around them.

- Not so fast, she smiles.

- Can I drive? I ask.

- Hmm... she pretends to think about it. No.

- Please!

I jump up to try and grab the keys, but Lucy laughs and keeps them out of my reach.

- Do you even know how to drive one of these things?

- Well... no. But it can’t be that hard...

- You think so? She raises an eyebrow.

- Teach me then, I pout. I heard you’re a good teacher.

- We’ll see, she laughs. Come on, get geared up so we can go outside.

I exaggerate my pout as I zip up my jacket. Now I’m completely bundled up. She pulls my cheeks to get one of my smiles before taking my hand. We follow an employee to a kind of shed next to the hotel. It’s filled with snowmobiles, but also sleds and a ton of other equipment. I didn’t realize snowmobiles were so big. I’m starting to doubt if I want to drive one. He gives us each a helmet. Lucy is the first to finish getting ready and then comes to my rescue, pushing my helmet down onto my head. She asks me to step outside so we don’t clutter up the shed. I listen and am quickly joined by my friends. I smile when the first snowmobile comes out and stops in front of me. I guess it’s Lucy. She surprises me by scooting back on the seat and patting the spot in front of her.

- Really?

- Hurry up before I change my mind.

I climb on in front, not without some trepidation. The urge to drive has returned. I can barely feel Lucy against my back because of all our layers of clothing.

- Ready to learn?

- Mm-hmm.

She shows me the throttle on the handlebar. As she explains, it doesn’t seem too complicated. At least, I get it quickly. It’s no surprise Lucy can drive one. It must be similar to a motorcycle.

- Got it?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Go ahead, try it. Move up to that tree over there, she says, pointing to the farthest one in front of us.

I nod and work the throttle. I pull it so fast that we’re both thrown backward. The fear of having done something wrong makes me let go of the handlebar. Luckily, Lucy catches it before we end up crashing, then slows the snowmobile down. I lean against her in embarrassment when I hear her laughing.

- Are you trying to kill us?

I hear the others laughing behind us as we come to a stop. She puts her hand on my waist, pulling me even closer to her, if that’s possible.

- Sorry, I mumble.

- It’s okay, baby. Put your hands on the handlebar; I’ll help you.

- I’m not sure this is a good idea after all...

I bite my lip, ready to really give up on driving. Our safety comes before a little moment of fun.

- It is, she says, placing her hand on my thigh. I’m here, don’t worry.

Her voice is calm and very reassuring. She has confidence in me. I close my eyes for a moment, letting out a sigh, then place my hands on the handlebar with the last bit of courage I have. Her hands immediately cover mine. If we didn’t have helmets on, I’m sure I’d feel her breath on me, given our proximity. She asks if I’m ready before gently pressing the throttle with our hands. The start is much smoother than before. She gradually removes her hand so I can take full control. I tense up a bit, but it quickly dissipates when she reminds me of her presence by holding onto my waist. She then asks me to stop just a bit before the tree she pointed out earlier. I take advantage of the stop to see Alexia going through the same learning process with her girlfriend, which makes me smile.

- Don’t get distracted. Turn around.

- OK, I grimace with apprehension.

I guess she wants me to get used to it. I turn right like Ale, while Jenni practices on the other side. This time, I manage to control the throttle correctly. I move forward to the shed where the guys are waiting for us. I wondered where Mapi was until I saw her farther away, practicing as well. Seeing us must have given them the idea. The employee who accompanied us closes the shed with a smile. The scene must be amusing for him. He walks over to talk to Lucy.

- The reservation is for the whole day, right? he asks.

- We booked until tonight, yes. We’ll probably be back by late afternoon.

- Okay. I recommend coming back before nightfall. It’s likely to snow again tonight.

- No problem. It’ll probably be around four. We need to check in at the reception, right?

- Exactly. Someone will come to open the shed before taking the keys.

- No problem.

- Have a good day.

- Thanks.

He finally heads back to the hotel, leaving us to gather with the others to discuss our plans. As expected, we’re going to cross the mountain to reach the village. According to Jenni, there’s an easy path specifically for snowmobiles. I was a bit hesitant, but Lucy reassured me, saying she’d take over if I didn't feel comfortable at any point. I don’t want to seem like a coward, so I’m hoping it’ll be fine. Alexia and Jenni are leading the way since they seem familiar with the route. We’re following right behind them. Honestly, I would have preferred to be further back, considering my lack of experience. I’m worried about slowing the group down, although I doubt Lucy would let that happen. At least I won’t get lost. Alexia is having a blast, zigzagging along the path. As for me, I’m just glad the road is as manageable as they said. For now, we’re not climbing much, and the pace suits everyone. I’d like to enjoy the scenery, but I feel like I need to keep my eyes on the road.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asks after a while.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Relax a bit," she says, resting her hands on my thighs. "You’re tense. Nothing’s going to happen, you know."

"I know..."

"Good. Do you want to pass them?" she suggests.

"What? Why? Jenni knows the way."

"I know it too," she chuckles.

"Oh... Well, if you want... Go ahead, then. I don’t feel up to it."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. You deserve to have some fun too."

I don’t have to tell her twice. She moves closer to reach the handlebars. I would’ve moved my hands, but she places hers over them, just like earlier. Without warning, she gives the snowmobile a quick burst of speed, veering left. The sudden move makes me bump into her chest. Lucy must have expected it because she doesn’t budge an inch. She gives a little wave to Alexia and Jenni as we pass them on the right, then speeds up a bit more to overtake them. Her light laughter fills my ears, making me smile. I love discovering these new sides of her. She’s full of surprises. I didn’t expect her to enjoy the adrenaline rush, though I probably should have. Behind us, I hear indignant shouts—they clearly didn’t expect us to pass them. I can easily imagine Lucy’s proud grin right now.

"Enjoy the view, Ona."

"You can speed up if you want."

"Really?" she asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. Go for it. Like I said, you deserve to have fun too, and I know how much you love these machines."

She chuckles, making me smile. It’s not every day we get to ride a snowmobile, after all. Besides, I trust her completely. I’d be ready to close my eyes just to prove it. I feel so safe with her. Even with the increased speed, I can still take in the surrounding scenery. The landscape is covered in snow—it’s beautiful. We even get a few rays of sunlight, though the hotel employee mentioned more snow is expected later. I guess that means everything will soon be covered, so I might as well enjoy the view while I can.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it?"

"Yeah... It’s stunning."

Two paths lie ahead of us, and Lucy takes the one on the right. From here, the road becomes steeper, but she keeps the pace steady. I’m amazed at how well she handles the snowmobile, even in these conditions. She really controls it like a pro. For someone from Australia, it’s impressive. You’d think she’d be more skilled on a surfboard... though I don’t doubt she can master that too. The road eventually improves, though it becomes a bit narrower. I’m relieved not to be driving anymore. After a while, we finally reach the end of the path. Lucy had some playful moments when the others tried to overtake us near the end. Unfortunately for them, they were up against someone stronger. We arrive at the village Lucy mentioned. It’s tiny, which makes it feel very cozy. We decide to park in front of a small café. I’m the first to get off the snowmobile. I take off my helmet and gloves, eager to feel a bit of freedom. Besides, I’ve been dying to kiss Lucy for a while now. She smiles at me as she approaches.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah."

I cradle her face and press my lips to hers. She’s surprised at first, but she soon gives in, letting me lead. I can feel her smile against my lips, which makes me smile too.

"I didn’t know you were such a good driver," I murmur.

"And you haven’t even seen all of her skills," Jenni comments from behind me. "She held back today," she laughs.

"You have to be reasonable when you’ve got someone with you," Lucy smiles, wrapping an arm around my waist.

I silently thank her for holding back for my sake. I wasn’t very comfortable at first, but I started to enjoy it when she took over.

"I did tell you you could let loose."

She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Believe me, I enjoyed having you cuddled up against me more than speeding around like crazy."

I blush slightly. I didn’t realize she was so romantic, if I can call it that. Not that I mind.

"I enjoyed it too," I admit. "But I’d love to see playful Lucy on the way back. That was fun too."

"Oh really?" she chuckles. "I suppose you might see her again."

"And don’t hold back this time."

"Are you sure that’s what you want? You won’t last five minutes."

I open my mouth in protest before playfully hitting her arm. Judging by her expression, she really believes that.

"Of course I will! What do you take me for?!"

"I know you better than you think..."

"Okay, we’ll see who’s right," I say, crossing my arms.

"Very well," she replies with a challenging glint in her eye.

She’s going to see! I’m not a coward. I’m sure I can handle her speed all the way back to the hotel.

"Show me what you’ve got instead of treating me like a wimp."

Our friends let out some teasing "oooohs," but Lucy just laughs, unfazed.

"You won’t be disappointed," she murmurs playfully.

After our little chat, we join the others, who are gathered by a safety railing. I understand why when I see the view of the mountains. We can see everything from up here. Lucy wasn’t lying when she said it would be even more beautiful from up high. I lean on the railing as Lucy wraps her arms around me from behind. She points out various things, like a ski slope, a spot where we can go sledding later, and even our hotel, which looks tiny from here. The rest is hidden by a vast forest.

"Thanks for bringing me with you."

"Thank you for agreeing to come."

She kisses my temple, holding me a little tighter. All that matters now is us.

"Hey, lovebirds!"

"Hmm?" Lucy responds.

"We’re waiting for you. We want to grab a coffee to warm up."

"Yeah, we’re coming."

That sounds like a good idea. I’m starting to feel cold, as is probably everyone else. I take Lucy’s outstretched hand, and we join the others, who are already heading into the little chalet. This moment is simply perfect.

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey Chapter 10 -

♡ Chapter Inspo: King Of My Heart (TS) - " I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I'm better off bein' alone. We met a few weeks ago, now you try on callin' me, baby, like tryin' on clothes "

♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡

♡ Summary: Winnie + Carm start to see eachother more regularly, Carm tries on having a bit more of a domestic life for once. ♡ W/C: 19,674 ♡ Posted Date: 03/03/2024 ♡ A/N: Its hereee! I hope it was worth the wait, it took me soooo long to edit it hahah - but were finally starting to get Carm cracked open a little!!! ♡ Warnings for BTC: Smoking cigarettes, swearing, fluff, oral (m receiving), speaking of motorcycle accidents, emotional distress, panic attacks, crying, negative self talk, talk of opiates

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

When Sugar dropped me off at home, she’d gotten out and helped me up the few steps to the front door of my building. “Are you sure you’ll be ok from here?” She asked, her voice still laced with concern due to my obvious pain and limp. She leaned against the iron railing, handing me back my bag that she’d graciously held on to as she helped me up the stairs.

I nodded, taking the bag from her and putting it on my shoulder. “Totally sure. Please- I promise this happens all the time. If anything, I’m sorry for putting you out. I really need to be more mindful- I’m the worst at overworking my injury. S’don’t worry, and thank you again, Sugar. This was so kind of you to do for me, especially since we’ve only met a few times. And…by the way, Even if Carm is too in his own head to tell you, I can see just how much you mean to him. I see how much you’ve shaped him as a person. You are an amazing sister, Natalie, really” I told her honestly, rubbing her arm gently. 

She pulled me into a hug, her face settling into my neck, and her arms wrapping under mine around my waist, squeezing gently. Just like Carm’s hugs. I smiled a bit, wrapping my arms around her and rubbing her upper back. I could smell the hairspray from when she curled her hair, as well as some kind of Victoria Secret perfume. Such a big sister. “Thank you, Winnie. That means a lot - really.” She said softly. 

“Also- you are an amazing mom I know it for sure, seeing as you’re such a good sister” I said and she squeezed me tighter. “Oh my gosh you are just too sweet.” She gushed and pulled away with a smile. “I gotta go pick up the littlest from daycare, stay safe ok?” She started back down the stairs towards the car. “You too, and thanks again, drive safe!” I told her and went into the entry hall, shutting the door behind me. I sighed softly as I looked at the daunting staircase.  48 stairs. I can do it. I have to do it.

It took me about an hour to climb all 3 flights of stairs, considering I had to stop every 4 steps or so and sit down for a few minutes, just to avoid my hip giving out again altogether, and likely causing me to tumble down the tiled stairs to my death. My hip was throbbing, screaming by the time I got to my floor. I was in tears again from the pain, my hands shaking as I unlocked my apartment door. 

Persephone meowed impatiently and I dropped my bag to the floor in a heap next to her in the entryway, slinging the door shut behind me. “You'll need to wait, m’sorry” I muttered to her and sniffled, limping over to the couch, and using every surface possible on the way there to support my weight. I collapsed on the sofa and kicked off my sneakers before lying down and digging my phone out of my pocket. 

I tried to stop the tears from flowing, wiping my tear-stained cheeks with my sleeves. It took about 45 minutes of scrolling on my phone before I felt well enough to get up, and get to the bathroom. I swallowed one of my pain pills, before limping into the kitchen and putting Persephone's food In her bowl. I moaned out in pain as I bent over, putting her bowl down and slowly pulling myself back up. 

She quickly started eating and I hobbled back to the bedroom, sitting on my bed as I took off my shirt and bra, standing to peel off my jeans from my thighs before sitting again to get them off my calves and ankles. I let out a heavy sigh, one of those post-sob sighs that was more like a gasp and rubbed my face roughly. When I pulled my hands away from their vicious rubbing of my eyes, my fingers were all streaked in black. I must look fucking nuts with mascara and eyeliner all over my face. I was honestly kind of scared to look in the mirror. 

I shook my head at the thought, getting up and padding over to my dresser, pulling the top drawer open and slipping on an oversized blue T-shirt that was Chris’ once upon a time. I plopped down on my bed, pulling makeup wipes out of my bedside table and wiping the mess of makeup off my face, turning on my tv and putting on an episode of Law and Order SVU, something I’d watched and rewatched a hundred times over.

I finished after about 2 wipes back and front of scrubbing, leaving them on the nightstand and snuggling in to my sheets as I pulled out my phone and went to tiktok, scrolling through videos. Every few minutes though, I remember the missed call on my phone from Carmen, what did he need from me in the middle of the workday? I bit my lip gently, going back to my call log 5 times over the course of an hour before finally clicking his contact highlighted in red. 

Just as I’m about to hang up because I couldn’t bear him letting me go to voicemail, it stops ringing but there’s silence on the other end. I listened for a moment, taking a deep breath, my heart thumping in my throat. “Carmy?” I said softly. “Uh- hey. Hey,” he said and cleared his throat. 

“Hi- how are you, is everything alright?” I asked “ye’ - everything’s- everything’s ok. Why?” He asked and I bit the inside of my lip nervously. “I’m- I’m sorry I should’ve just texted. Uh- I missed a call from you earlier? It must have been a butt dial. I’m sorry if I bothered you” I said, nervously playing with the thread hanging off my shirt. 

“No- no you’d never bother me, I…uh. Called cause I-I wanted to um-“ he pauses for a few moments. “Tell you…somethin’ I guess” he finally said quietly. I pick at my thumbnail nervously. “Shoot” I replied, my stomach swarming with anticipation and anxiety. “I��um. I had a really nice time with you- uh…Saturday. And um…I- I realized something?” He said the end like a question almost, as if he was asking himself if he wanted to tell me. 

“Ok what’s that?” I asked and he took a trembling breath. “I…” he said. I could picture him in my mind, nervously tugging on his hair and squeezing his eyes shut to shut himself off. “I…think- that” he clears his throat “fuck I’m so sorry I- I’ve never done this before,” he said frustrated with himself. 

“Carmy” I said gently “yes” he replied quietly. “I like you. And I think you are…amazing. Your sister is amazing, your cousins are wonderful, I- I don’t think…that we should see each other anymore, because- you’re right. If you can’t handle getting attached, we should cut things off before we both hurt ourselves more. But I had so much fun with you, this weekend. But Please Carm” I plead, “please know that this is not because I don’t want you. It’s exactly the opposite, I want you too much- I want you more than you told me you ever wanted this to go in the beginning and I’m sorry. I know that it sounds pathetic. I know we’ve only been together once but I- I fall for people really fast and I could see falling in love with you being too easy” The line was silent for what felt like minutes before he replied. 

“I think that I want you to teach me” 

Silence again, from both ends of the phone. The only sound I’d assume he hears is the scene on my tv in the background. I swallowed thickly, my eyes fluttering shut in thought. 

“You’ve been in love, right?” He asked, the question hits me like a freight train. I took a deep breath before answering. “Yes I have where is this going” I replied softly. “I- I haven’t. Nothing even close. And I know nothing Winnie. You’re so…so fucking perfect - and I know you’re way too good for me but I…I’ve never wanted to be better? And suddenly…I want t-t’see what it’s like. And you…when we were together” he stopped suddenly, the sound of a car door closing behind him. 

“When we were together, that’s the closest thing I’ve ever- no- no..” he stopped himself, I could hear him pacing back and forth. “No I'm not- I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t lay this on you and -“ I cut him off. 

“Carm, I want to know how being together made you feel, please” I bit my lip harshly, my chest burning with anxiety. 

“I’ve never been in love before but I’ve…I’ve seen it? And I’ve imagined…what it felt like, t-t’feel that from someone. I- I imagined it when you were reading to me- a-and. It was the first time…when I imagined being loved it felt more real…fuck I’m sorry - this is too much- I don’t mean…I mean like I’ve never felt it ever Winnie, from anyone. And I know- I-I know that Syd, rightfully fuckin’ so- told you what a sack of shit I am. And I deserve that, and I- I don’t deserve to feel loved… but I-I thought you should know how- how you made me feel.” His voice was cracking by the end. 

“I made you feel loved?” I whisper, staring blankly at the ceiling. “I’m fucking pathetic” he replied. “N-no, stop. What are you doing?” I asked “M’sorry…I- I don’t know.” He sniffled and I sit up. “No, Carm, what are you doing. Where are you?” I asked. “I-“ he snorts. “A fucking church” he said with a light chuckle “a goddamn church” he repeated and I busted up laughing. “Carmen” I said. 

“Come over. I can’t fuck you, I’m in excruciating pain, but I need to see you. And we need to talk face to face” I hear his car door open and close again, the car starting in the background. “What? Why are you hurt? What happened? I’m coming.” He said quickly. I smiled a bit at his urgency “no, nothing. Nothing did. Well, not today it’s just my hip. I broke it in the accident and had to get it fused, and they fucked it up so majorly that it hurts constantly pretty much. I just need to see your face” I said softly. He let out a sigh, that almost sounded like relief. 

“Yes. Yes. I’m coming now, have you eaten?” He asked and I hum “no, don’t worry about it I’ll make a sandwich when I feel better” I said softly. “No- no, no Winnie. What’re you in the mood for, you aren’t feeling good. Let me help you” he repeated my words from Sugars office that night at the restaurant and I shook my head fondly at the memory. “I want a sandwich, Carm. That’s it. Oo- and fries.” I said and turned on the heating pad that permanently lived on my side of the bed. 

“Yeah? M’kay baby, I’ll be over in like 40 minutes with a kick ass sandwich for you, y’okay with beef?” He asked and I hummed happily at the sweetness in his tone “please, oh my god- I haven’t eaten today and that sounds amazing” I said. “I gotcha’ Win’ don’t worry.” I heard him put his phone in the cup holder. 

“Bring a bag if you want, I kinda hated waking up alone this morning. But it’s up to you- and just come in when you get here, doors unlocked.” I said and hung up the phone, I stared up at the ceiling - Sydney’s voice bouncing around in my mind.  You can’t fix him. He will always end up pushing you away.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸 

I parked in the alley next to The Bear how I usually did when I came with my car and locked it, opening the metal door and heading into the kitchen. “Yo - Ebra” I said and he looks up from the grill. “Chef? Richie said you’ve left for the day” he said “Ye’, just came to grab some food I’m meetin’ a friend. Can you get me to Italian beefs and fries to go please.” I told him and he nods “Of course, right away Chef”

“Perfect thank you, I’m gonna be in the office just have someone run it back yea? Oh- and put extra cheese on one, mark it.” I head back to the office “of course chef” he replied. I shut the door and run over my chin as I sit down at the desk, Claire’s words bouncing around in my head.

‘ I’m also a spouse, how you look when you speak of her- she’s your wife ‘

Final time. This is the final - final time. If I can’t fucking handle my shit I’m not doing this and this is the last time I ever try. If she leaves, I’m done. 

I nod, satisfied with my conclusion. This would finally satisfy Sugars urge to push me to ‘find love so I can be happier’, to Richie nagging me about “not allowing myself to be happy”. If this fails, everyone will have to get off my back. Because if this fails, I fail. And it will fully prove to them everything I tell them about me being unlovable is true, and they can believe it- or they can continue living in denial that they don’t solely love me because I’m family. 

But the growing lump in my throat felt very unsatisfying at the fact that this conclusion meant, I would also finally know for myself if I was truly lovable or not. So I would finally put to rest the dream of being somewhat normal. Which felt like I would really go insane, I may just go off the deep end like Mikey. At least I’d know, that The Bear could fully run- I would be guilt free. 

My spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a light knock at the door “Jeff?” I sighed softly, running a hand through my hair. “Come in” I said and Tina opened the door. “Special order with extra cheese” she said and came and set the brown bag on the desk. “What’s goin’ on?” She asked, voice laced with concern. Per usual, I feel the tight defensiveness in my chest. 

“Nothin’..nothin’, chef. Thank you.” I sigh deeply. “You’re flushed” she put her hand on her hip. “Long fuckin’ day” I said before shaking my head “thanks again.” I said dismissively and she heads toward the door. “I hope that’s for a certain ginger - I’ll see you tomorrow” she said and closed the door before  I could reply. I blushed, why the fuck did everyone have such an interest as to who I’m deciding to mess around with. 

I got up, grabbing the bag and my keys off the desk, and opening the office door. I head towards the back through the hall “Bear!” I stopped and turn around to see sugar coming up to me, “ ‘sup?” I asked her and she took my arm, pulling me to the back door. “I just…I wanted to say - I dunno’..I don’t say it enough. I love you” she said, and the lump in my throat grew to be unmanageably large. 

“I…” my voice comes out shaky, so I clear my throat, blinking back the tears welling behind my eyes. “I love you” I replied quietly and swallowed hard. “Know that as long as I’m here, there will always be someone who’s proud of everything you’ve done, Bear” she said just above a whisper, her eyes welling up with tears and she pulls me into a hug.

It took everything in me to hold back a sob, I felt emotionally fucking unravelled today. I wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her shoulder. “The fuck are you doin’ that for, Nat?” I asked and she sniffled. “Doing what?” She muttered into my chest. “Trying to make me fuckin’ cry?” I patted her back and she laughed a bit, pulling away. “No jagoff I’m just telling my little brother that I’m proud of him. Now get out of here and think about your shit” she pushed the door open, holding it with her foot. 

“Yeah yeah I’m goin’. Thanks for holding it down today” I said as I headed back to the car. “If it’s so you keep up with that girl? I’ll pull extra shifts. Go check on her, will you? She’s in a lot of pain.” She replied and I look back at her, stopping dead in my tracks. “You saw her today?” I asked and she nods. 

“Had to drive the poor thing home, she was a mess when I came out t’go pick up the baby and drop her at home. Like actually crying in pain. That food is for her I hope?” She raised an eyebrow. 

She needed me, and I wasn’t fucking here. I’m already failing her.  “I-it is. Thank you- call me next time, will you?” I told her. “She specifically told me not to tell you she was here- so do me a favor and don’t mention it to her will you?” She said and my eyebrows furrowed. “She- she said that?” I asked. “I dunno, Carmen. Just- go check on her. Ok?” She said and I nodded “it’s where I was goin’ anyway, thanks for the heads up.” I said, putting the food safely on the floor of the passenger side before getting in the drivers side and starting to my place.

I shut my car door, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and starting up the steps to Winnie’s building. I took a deep breath outside the front door, taking out a 100mL bottle of J&M from my backpack, downing half of it, my mouth and nose crinkling up at the disgusting bitterness, the toxic-feeling burn trickling from my tongue to the pit of my stomach

 like mother like fuckin’ son.

Bounces throughout my head, but I didn’t care - the only thing to get me to tell the truth? Was my confidence being heightened by spirits. Sure, Maybe it was DNA, maybe it was unadulterated anxiety- either way if the bronze-poison helped me in being more honest with Winnie? Family habits be damned, she deserves every ounce of honesty I can muster. No matter how. 

After chugging about half the bottle, I stuffed it back in the same hidden pocket in my backpack, before pushing the large wooden front door open and hauling myself up the 3 flights of stairs to her apartment’s floor. By the time I’d gotten to her door, I had the familiar warm feeling confidence flowing through my chest. Perfect. Pure Honesty. 

I knocked gently, after a few seconds, I hear the soft confused ‘bbrrrrowww?’ Of her fuffy cat, circling close behind the door by the sounds of her. Her behavior really reminded me of Winnie, she was warm, inviting, soft, so sweet. She honestly had made me daydream about having a pet of my own for the first time. 

“Carmy? Told’ya it’s unlocked! If you’re not Carmy, come kill me I guess!” Her sweet familiar voice called through the door, causing me to chuckle. I pushed it open, slowly as to not crush the cat behind it. Stepping in, the whole place dark except the soft pulsing light from the TV spilling into the hallway from  Winnie's bedroom.

Persephone weaves figure 8’s in my legs when I stepped in, purring wildly. As soon as I looked down at her, she plopped on her back, doing a big stretch to offer her belly up for petting. “Hi pretty baby” I squatted down carefully, scratching her tummy as she requested, and feeling her purring intestify at the action, the vibration spreading throughout her whole pudgy body. 

“Happy girl” I muttered softly, standing back up straight and carefully stepping over her to head to Winnie’s room. I nudged the door open gently, nearly gasping at the raw, innocent sight in front of me. 

She was illuminated by light of the TV, Her curly red, curly fringe slightly peeked out of the blanket-hood she’d created around her face - it had to be her baby blanket. Frayed and tattered at the edges, an extremely faded, quilted pattern of Winnie The Pooh shoving honey in his mouth from a pot, curled around her face. The stray fabric tassels were nestled up to her cheeks, her left forefinger and thumb ever so gently rubbing the silk tag against her lips. 

She had a little grey seal stuffed animal nuzzled in her neck, and a little pastel bear in the crook of her arm. I smiled slightly, feeling Persephone brush against my legs. She pushed the door wide open with a *creak*, as if she pays bills or something - blowing up my spot in the hallway admiring her, peacefully just existing. She didn’t even blink until the cat catapulted carelessly onto her stomach, her gaze on the TV being broken suddenly, slightly groaning at the cat's pounce “Jesus Seph” she groaned softly, sitting up slightly, her blanket cage falling below her head. 

The bear falls out of her arm onto the bed as saw me in the doorway, sitting up further, and the cat rolling onto the bed carelessly next to her with a small whine. “Carmy!” she said happily.

I could crumple into the floor at the sound of her honey-like voice. Instead, the alcohol well meeting my inhibitions by now due to my strenuous walk-up - took honus over my mouth. “Y’re too cute” I smiled a bit, coming up to her side of the bed, sitting where I saw her feet were tucked so I wouldn’t crush her by mistake. “Dinner, from Carmen’s hospital, this time” I joked. 

Sephy pads over carefully on the bed, sniffing the container as I take it out, setting it next to Winnie’s blanketed lap. “Aht! Not for little kittens” I teased, scratching her chin gingerly. Winnie sat up fully against the headboard, setting the container to her right on the empty spot on the bed. “Kisses, now - I fuckin’ missed you.” She said, puckering her plump glistening lips adorably. 

 “Where d’you hurt? I don’t wanna make it worse f’you, honey” I asked. She smiled lazily, “I took my pill a’few hours ago, I’m numb, kissy’s please” she pleaded, and outstretched her arms for me cutely. My chest tightened momentarily at the mention of narcotics, but I easily swallowed it down with the aid of the alcohol, leaning in and kissing her deeply. I swiped my tongue over her lips, causing her to open her mouth nearly on instinct. I sigh out in satisfaction at the taste of her vanilla chapstick. She hummed sweetly, hooking her arms around my neck like a little Koala-bear, tugging herself closer to me, our chests touching. 

I rubbed the small of her back soothingly, gently pushing her large t-shirt up to expose her panties, rolling the thin stretchy elastic hem back and forth between my fingers. After a few minutes of heavy petting, deep kissing, and soft kitten-like moans from her, when her hands finally found their way under my sweater, the tips of her nails stroking my midsection in a way that set my soul on fire-  I broke our lips apart slightly, a small, thin string of our mutual desire connecting us until I spoke. “S’time f’you to eat, princess, y’feelin any better, what caused this mm’?” I questioned gently, my hands stroking up her ribs tenderly and squeezing assuringly. 

“Eat, then talk?” she said sweetly, more a demand than an offer. “Course angel, what’re we watchin’?” I took out the box marked ‘E/C’ and set it on her lap, “SVU” she said, leaning over and turning on the lamp. “Hm, alright - interesting choice” I said, getting up and taking off my sneakers, kicking them slightly beneath the bed so she wouldn’t trip in the night, before going and sitting next to her against the headboard.

“It’s my comfort show” she said and took her glasses out of the pink case from the top of her bedside table, putting them on. I smiled a bit, “Y’look really adorable in those, like a little librarian” I said, causing her to blush which made her freckles adorning her cheeks more obvious, her dimples peeking out as she tries to hide a smile. “I am a librarian, 3 days a week anyways.. Did you bring ketchup?” she asks as she opened up her box.

“Oh- no, no sorry- I need to remember that you use that shit like water” I teased “d’you have some?” I set my box down and she does the same, “Yeah-” she said with a slight giggle pulls her crosstitch, fringed blanket back. “No- no, relax, you stay here, I’ll find it, yeah? Y’re hurting, baby.. Did you want me to get you a drink while I'm in there?” I asked while getting up and heading to the hall. She nods, “Yeah- it’s on the door, just grab a soda” she replied while settling back in gratefully. I came back a minute or so later, handing her a can of soda and the ketchup.

“Carmy it’s..I’m fine really- I’ll tell you more about it, but like- This happens all the time, you don’t need to worry, I throw my hip out like at least once a week- sometimes more. I’m like an old fuckin woman” She said, squirting the ketchup into the lid of her container. I sat down, opening my soda and setting it on the nightstand. “That sucks, sorry you have to deal with that- i’m always happy to help you, y’know that right?” I took a bite of my sandwich, watching as she took a bite of the french fry she’d dunked in her monstrous pool of ketchup.

She shakes her head, “I’m fine, really - It’s my own fault. It’s my fault i’m all fucked up anyway.” she took a bite of her sandwich and hums. “ thank you f’r bringin’ this” she mumbles with a partially full mouth, an onion sticking to her lip, causing me to smile in amusement. “Hey” I said softly and she looks over, I gently swipe my thumb across her lip, before wiping it on the napkin that was sitting my lap. She blushed, smiling sheepishly. “Thanks” she muttered softly.  

We ate in silence for a few moments before I decided finally to succumb to my curiosity, “Why d’you think it’s your fault?” I asked quietly, before looking over at her. She met my gazed shrugged, before taking another bite of her sandwich, not meeting my eyes once more. She swallowed, taking a long moment before responding. “Don’t ask me about this - ever again. I’ll tell you one time, and that one time being now because my fuckin’ pills make me... able to be- open? I guess…But uh- I knew he was dead, essentially, and don’t try to tell me it ‘isn’t my fault’ because it fucking was - everything was. I was the one that begged him to bring me, to drive me to my fuckin’ girls house. A girl I knew wasnt in love with me. I’d only ridden like…” she scoffs “3..maybe 4 times? and My stupid, idiot self didn’t fuckin’ realize- I didn’t realize how fucking important it is, to balance your weight especially on sharp turns.” she shakes her head, setting her sandwich down and closing her eyes tightly.

“This- this fucking dickhead - in a huge pickup truck, he was up our ass - Chris had cut ‘em off like a mile back because he was going slow as shit- and Chris was the kind of fucker that was petty- h-he…. He slammed on his breaks a few times y’know? Like- like break-checkin’ ‘em to give ‘em I guess a taste…of-of being stuck behind someone. I should’ve known- I- I should’ve known he was…he-he- Chris was gonna whip into the next lane and dart around the sedan in front of us - but I…I- I didn’t- s-so I-I didnt lean. I didn’t lean. B-because of my weight- w-we… the front tire flipped in, Chris flew- h-he…” she takes a shaking breath. 

“He- he- he got….he hit the windshield of the car in front of us, the fucking sound Carmen- the-the-the bike slid under me, m-my hip- my fucking bone was ground in to the pavement from how far I was dragged. The poor woman in-in-in the sedan d-driving behind us- oh fuck-” she started laughing wildly, but the sound was numb. “Fuck” she looks at me,large- thick tears pooling behind her big hazel eyes. But yet a large, dry smile was plastered among her features. “The sheer force of being hit by a car- my god, when my head hit the pavement? I thought I’d exploded. Like- like I fuckin’ burst into confetti!” she laughs again, a cold, emotionless laugh while shaking her head, wiping her face over with rough hands. It was like everything she felt from this was so intensely painful, that all she could do was laugh or she’d go in to psychosis. I know I’d feel that way if I went through that with Mikey.

I swallowed thickly as she continued. “He-He was- I knew- I-I-I knew Carmen that he was dead-but- b-but- but- I h-had to…had- t- I-I-I had t-t-to see..to see him Carmen- I- y-you know? T-to b-be sure” she heaves out between violent, shaking sobs. Her entire body was trembling with fear, with sadness, with grief. Tears pooled behind my own eyes at the pure agony radiating off of her and I kissed her forehead gently “m’ so fuckin sorry honey” I muttered in to her temple, unsure if anything could console her in this moment. 

She continued, breath heaving as she attempted to explain “you know in-I-in T-TV when someone is- a-a-about to die, and -“ she gasped down a large, shaking breath “and theres this ringing - th-thats fucking real. But- b-but it's-it’s-it’s deafening Carmen. I-It.. Your body vibrates with the f-feeling, it- l-like- i-it’s from your bones-” she choked back a sob and I gently rested my hand on her thigh, “Breathe, babygirl, you’re safe” I said just above a whisper, wrapping my other arm around her frame, cradling her, and her eyes meet mine, boring in to my soul. 

“I- I tried-” she squeaked out. “I tried- I wanted to get up, he- h-” she gasps in a breath “he…h-his-his-” she squeezes her eyes shut. “Hi-s…” she hiccups a breath that sounded painful between sobs “his neck- his neck…his neck” she muttered, shaking her head quickly, bursting out suddenly in to uncontrollable, choking sobs. I rubbed her thigh soothingly. “Shhh…shhh- Baby- baby, angel- you don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, honey” I repeated, putting my plate in front of me, doing the same to hers and hugging her to me, nestling her face in to my chest and rubbing soothing circles into her back. 

She heaves in a large gasping breath, coughing lightly before continuing. “M-my hip, my hip. The fucking- th-the bone…I-I- I don’t want to disgust you.” She whispered, shaking her head against my chest. I smoothed her hair down tenderly, kissing the top of her head that was burning hot with anxiety, the hair at the base of her neck feeling damp with sweat. “Win’- you’d never disgust me, mm? I don’t want you to be sick over this. Y’don’t need t’work yourself up, don’t tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, honey”. My hand curls around her stomach, rubbing long, slow strokes back and forth, feeling her gasping breaths rise and fall against my hand as she spiraled into an episode that looked just like mine. 

Seeing her like this was causing my heart to ache so deeply it was impossible to comprehend the hurt all at once. 

“I’m sorry- I-I’m sorry- I-“ she chokes out a violent, shaking sob “I’m so sorry, Carmen- I- I’m a horrible person. I- you can’t- I don’t deserve a man like you…oh god- i-I’m- it’s me Carm. You-you-I’m horrible“ she coughs. I gently pulled her trembling frame into my lap, nudging her chin up with my forefinger to look at me and she finally opened her eyes. 

“Winnow.” I said quietly, watching her lip quiver sadly before her eyes met mine, the rings of hazel nearly swallowed by her blown out pupils, her cheeks red and tear-stained. She swallowed thickly as my thumb presses to her trembling lip. “You-” I start, my eyes squeezing shut involuntarily to try and reel back the tears gathering behind them. 

I took a large, trembling breath, holding it momentarily while I gathered my racing thoughts. “You- Winnie - you are the furthest thing from horrible, I never want to hear that from you- ever, ever again, do you understand?” I breathed out, my thumb running down her chin gently. She swallowed hard again, her eyes meeting mine suddenly, a thick hot tear falling down her freckled cheek and wetting my thumb.

“Stop.” She squeaked out, her eyes fluttering shut. “W-what baby? Stop what?” I questioned, the pads of my thumbs brushing away her tears. “Stop, Carmen- I told you” her eyes opened , gently grabbing my hands that were cupping her cheeks and squeezing gently around my wrists in objection. 

“I can’t do this.” She whispered, tugging my hands off her face gently. “I told you.” She repeated, shuffling off of my lap, sniffling and wiping her eyes messily. “I’m not your baby- I - y-you can’t call me that. S-Stop calling me sweet names” she hiccuped as she spoke, wiping her nose with a napkin- steadily avoiding my gaze. It’s like I could physically feel my heart snap. 

“How do you mean hon-Winnie?” I corrected myself, feeling a hard lump growing in my throat. “You’re too easy to fall in love with” she shook her head, pulling her plate back into her lap and swirling a fry in her ketchup. 

I sighed softly, “that’s- that’s why I’m here.” I said quietly, watching her continue to swirl the pool bigger and bigger nervously. “I’m not a good - I wasn’t a good person, and- and I’m not sure I’ve ever been loved back. I just know for certain I’ve been in love with someone before. And you deserve someone who knows the whole thing” She shrugged, finally dropping the fry in to the red pool and looking over at me. 

“Well…what was it like?” I ask quietly she snorted, shaking her head. “You don’t get it. That? What I did? It was miserable. Being in love with someone who won’t love you back is like- is like…the most embarrassing thing. I was in love with a person that never even existed, it was an idealized version of her.” She said and I raised my eyebrows, surprised. 

“You’ve never- been in love w-with a guy?” I asked and she shook her head, laughing a bit. “The only guy I claimed to love - beat my ass, and it wasn’t until therapy that I realized I didn’t love him. I just wanted him to love me so bad that I thought if I was ‘better’ or if I changed that I could convince him to love me.” She shrugged a bit. I swallowed thickly “he- he doesn’t live here does he? In Chicago?” She shook her head. 

“Good cause he’s a little bitch. I’d never ever dream of hurting you or any woman that way.” I said and she nodded, smiling a little. “Don’t worry…I’ve learned my lesson- I’d never have been around you if I got the feeling…” she sighed a bit before continuing. “It doesn’t- it doesn’t matter though. To love someone… well- unconditionally.. it’s acceptance?” She looks at me. “It’s… it’s to see someone’s flaws, and instead of…instead of seeing past them you love in spite of them. In spite of someone’s pain, in spite of all the people that have ever hurt them- it’s acceptance that this human is not perfect but they’re perfect for you. Despite their flaws, despite if they hurt you. But true love- real love, mutual love, is acceptance, and respect.” 

She turned back and continued eating her sandwich and I sat for a moment in silence, contemplating what she said. “So…you don’t…you don’t think I’m capable of that?” I asked, rubbing my chin nervously. She shook her head “no, no. I think you’d be well capable- but you…you don’t want it. You don’t want to trust that’s like- that’s the biggest part of love is trusting someone fully like more then anyone in the world you come to them and admire their opinion of you so much that you’ll take their opinion of you second to your own. Like they’re the only other person that you give a fuck about what they really think.” 

I bit my lip nervously “h-how do you- how do you learn to trust? People?” He asked and she looked over, brows furrowed a bit. “Uh-“ she shook her head slightly, thinking for a moment. “I- I guess…it starts with being honest- because if you’re honest about how you feel then it shows you if the person is worth trusting. Like…like I’ll be honest, I’m..i’m scared of being with you.” She said and I feel my heart sink. 

Of course you fucking scare her you’re a brute, your always screaming, you shut people out, you push one of her best friends to her limits constantly 

Her voice brings me back out of my head “because…well I see how innocent you are and-“ she continued but the single word rings through my mind so loudly I can’t hear, nor process anything else. 

Innocent…Innocent? Innocent. Why- how, what- what about me is innocent? I’m a fuckin’ asshole. 

“But..yeah. So I guess…I guess scared wasn’t the best word but I just don’t want to corrupt you” she finished, taking a sip of her soda and I looked back at her. 

“Innocent.” Was all I could manage to say and she looks over at me, nodding a bit. “Like I said- All I’ve had is bad relationships, unhealthy ones, you’re innocent in that sense…I don’t wanna teach you bad habits or something” she said and I sat against the headboard, thinking. “In what world could you possibly corrupt me?” I asked and she covered her mouth as she laughed “dude” she shakes her head, swallowing her food finally. 

“Don’t make me choke! Oh my god. This is what I mean- you don’t know me. I was a total piece of shit before I moved here a few years ago. I was a literal massive bitch after Chris died. I just…just came unglued. People don’t like me back home, Carm. I became a shell of myself. My mom…My mom hates me.” she said and I frowned slightly, shaking my head, “That’s- no, no Win, I dont think that your mom could hate you…you’re too- you’re too kind… Just because you may have said some shit after him- I did too, with Mikey. I’ve…I’ve said alot of fuckin’ - just cruel bullshit” I explained. I was unsure if the ache in my heart had to do with seeing her so upset- so guilt-ridden. If that was the case I would tell her whatever about myself to get to understand just how fuckin’ uncorruptable I am.

“No- no she… she hates me. I was always- I…Chris was always the good twin, I was the one causing trouble a-and to top it off I killed him.The only good thing in her life - her only real thing  to be proud of. I-I couldn’t save him, and I was the reason we were out- and I left her with- with all this debt. Then I just… I ran away! I ran. I’m a coward. And I don’t deserve someone like you who- whos already terrified of commitment, even though I’m “different” now? I still am too fucking coward to talk to my mom, because she hasn’t talked to me since I left.” she pulled Persephone in to her lap, stroking her tail between her fingers nervously and she purred in response, stretching back and looking at me. 

“I-” I clear my throat, nervously running a hand through my hair. “I uh- I didn’t even go to Mikeys funeral..I was uh…I-I couldn’t face it” I bit my lip nervously. “So, I’m uh- you aren’t guilty of anything i’m not, I’m used to running- it’s…my worst habit probably, running from-from everything” I shook my head, averting her gaze. 

“Thats the opposite of love, so if you really want to know what love feels like, you need to run towards the object of your desire.” she said softly and held my hand, rubbing over my tattoo with her thumb in long soothing strokes. I look over at her and smile a bit, getting that now familiar flutter in my stomach that was happening more and more often because of how much time we’d been together recently. “Thats why I’m here, I uh- the church?” I said and gently grabbed her small fingers with my own, lacing them together.

“Oh- did God whisper for you to come see me” she gives me a teasing smile and I chuckled a bit, sitting back on the headboard feeling much more relieved she seemed to be feeling a bit better. “Kinda- this stupid support group..well- I thought it was gonna be stupid? But.. it kinda helped me in a way. This um…girl- the head of the group, she said that our task was to see someone you desire this week so uh.. Here I am I guess” I felt my cheeks heating and she smiled bigger. 

“Oh I see, I didn’t know when I invited you I was helping you check off your therapy homework” she teased and rested her head on my shoulder, the smell of her coconut shampoo hitting my senses. I closed my eyes, resting my head on hers comfortably. “Mmhmm- I um…I wanna keep seeing you” I said and she brought my hand to her lips, kissing gently. 

“Good because I want to keep seeing you, as long as we can both be honest with each other and not run away.” She said, kissing each one of my knuckles gently. I smiled at the sweet gesture. “I can’t promise I won’t…but I’m gonna do everything I can to tell you how sorry I am when it happens” I watched as she examined my hand, finger gently brushing over the large scar that was still dark even after a few years time of healing. 

“What happened?” She asked quietly, tracing her knuckle gently over the raised skin. “I uh- kitchen. Knife accident. Long time ago back in one of my first gigs” I said, deciding it was better to not get in to why I had done it- I was emotionally fucked out today say the least, and going in to my previous boss was going to be too much to handle at the current moment. 

“Did you mean what you said earlier on the phone?” She asked, flipping my arm over, the pad of her finger tracing over the snail tattoo on my arm with a light touch causing goosebumps to raise on my skin. 

“What did I say?” I asked, watching as she rubs gently over the letters before tracing the veins of my forearm. She leaned more into me, playing with my fingers in a gentle way that caused me to smile slightly. “That I made you feel loved?” she asked. I swallowed thickly, biting my lip “uh- I- I mean. Like I said. Never like- I just imagined what it would like…to be- it…It was stupid.” I shook my head slightly, closing my eyes in embarrassment.  “Well…I loved reading to you. Did you want to finish eating and…we can see what Edward is getting up to next?” I looked down at her and she was looking up at me, meeting my gaze with hopeful eyes. It felt like my heart skipped a beat in the moment, “that sounds really nice.” I rubbed the top of her head gently.

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

“And Edward didn’t fly back into the cruel boys arms, he didn’t fly forward into the loving arms of Abaline- But instead, he fell to the left, overboard the ship. Edward focused on the sounds of Abalines desperate cries as he flipped and soared through the air into the ocean with a large *splash*, watching the ship slowly pass him by as he momentarily floated atop the waves.

He waited for Abaline, he watched the surface of the water go from blue to black as he continued floating down, and down until he landed face first on the ocean floor. Edward waited. And waited. Unable to see the stars he loved at night, and without his pocket watch, he couldn’t quite be sure how many days had passed- but he knew it had been many, and yet Abaline never came.” 

I shut the book, setting it down next to my lap where he laid and looked down at him. His eyes fluttered open and his brows knitted together adorably in concern. “That wasn’t the end.” He said, more like a statement than a question, causing me to giggle a bit. “No.” I said simply and shrugged. “Ok- well. Keep going then, he needs to get back to her before I can sleep” he closed his eyes again with a smug smile, and I laughed genuinely at his perseverance and interest in the story, continuing to play with his soft blonde curls that had long gone frizzy and were more broken waves over the course of his long day. 

“And what if he never gets back to Abaline?” I questioned and his eyes shot open, glancing up at me nervously. “Don’t say that. She really loves him- she’s gonna be all torn up if she cant get him back” he said and I smiled a bit, finding his concern for the fictional child adorable. “Probably true…I would be realy sad if I were her. But it was fair to say he didn’t love her, right? She's gonna go on and find a bunny that loves her the same way- and it gives Edward the opportunity to realize what Abaline truly meant to him.” I gently rub the pads of my fore and middle finger over his jawline soothingly. “I guess y’re right…he doesn’t really deserve her” he muttered, his eyes fluttering shut at my touch, and sighing softly through his nose. 

“No, it’s not about Edward being deserving of love. For her, It’s about letting someone go that didn’t appreciate her, and for him it’s about learning to appreciate what he has, while he has it- and telling them.” I trace the veins of his neck with a light touch, feeling his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. After a few moments of gently stroking his face he looks up at me. “It feels really good when you do that” he said just above a whisper and a small smile graced my lips. 

“Yeah? My gram used to do this to help me fall asleep.” I said and he hummed. “Mm..’s makin’ me sleepy.” He said, covering his mouth as he yawned before looking up at me. “I don’t wanna wake you up t’morrow. I get up really early.” He said and I ran my hand through his hair again, scratching his scalp gently. 

“Taylor’s in Australia- it’s her last night there, so I’ve been up early like- almost every day this weekend other then Friday when you slept over” I explained and he chuckled, shaking his head a bit, closing his eyes as he rested his head back in my lap. “How the hell are you seeing that?” He asked, nuzzling his face in my tummy tiredly. “Live streams. This girl, Tess. She’s amazing.” I said with a smile before yawning myself, stretching my back and groaning softly at the dull ache. 

“Fuck” I grumble, I should’ve guessed. My period always makes my hip problems worse for some reason. “What’s wrong?” He looked up at me, his voice slightly laced with concern. “Nothin’. Nothin. My back is just a little sore. C’mon let me up - I gotta brush my teeth, and you have to change so we can go to bed, you have an early day” I said and he nodded a bit, sitting up. He took our trash and kissed my forehead gently before heading out to throw it away in the kitchen. I smiled softly at the sweet gesture, standing up and padding into the bathroom. 

I made quick work of brushing my teeth, washing my face, and doing my quick nightly skincare, before slicking on some deodorant. I shut the door to use the restroom, sitting there with my panties around my knees rubbing my face. I should just fuckin’ put a tampon in I already know what’s coming. I sighed to myself, annoyed. I’d been dealing with it since I was 12, but the pain just got more debilitating as I got older. I would wake up throwing up from cramps, no medicine other than THC oil I had even helped slightly dull the pain. 

But I still went to work. I still got up and did everything I needed to do, because I didn’t have the money to call out sick. Even though I would this time of month be in the bathroom throwing up through tears every few hours due to the pain before I started with the heaven sent THC oil. One time I even passed out on the floor (thank god for my embarrassment, we had just closed so no customers came in the bathroom, and I came to before Mel got concerned and came to check on me). 

I grabbed a tampon from the basket sitting atop the back of the toilet, throwing the empty applicator in the garbage before flushing the toilet. I pulled my panties up and washed my hands before opening the medicine cabinet, grabbing my Nauzene, Dramamine, and RSO syringe, before walking back out and putting them on my nightstand. Carm was already there, laid over the covers shirtless in his dark grey sweatpants. I smiled a bit at the beautiful sight. “can we cuddle?” I asked, turning on my fairy lights I left on at night and turning off the lamps, the room becoming much more cozy and comforting.

“Course” he got up, pulling back the duvet for us, before settling back in. I plugged my phone in on the nightstand, clicking on my white noise machine to play my rain sounds before sitting down on the bed. I pulled open the top draw of my nightstand, massaging in some of my milk and honey hand cream in to my arms and hands, before opening my jar of melatonin and taking 2 of the capsules. “Got a pharmacy over there?” He teased with a small smile, motioning to my nightstand with all my medicines waiting for me. I blushed a bit, “yeah I- uh. I get…sick? Sometimes…at night. Just being prepared in case.” I said, rubbing the extra lotion on my elbows before sitting criss- cross next to him. 

“Lay back like you did last time, I liked snuggling like that your hands are warm.” I said and he smiled softly, “yes ma’am” he joked with a smile, laying his left arm out for me once he got settled in. I laid down, bringing my leg up to straddle his waist comfortably and nuzzling my face into his neck, draping my hand over his chest. He rubs my back in slow, long, soothing strokes. “Can I- uh..can I..ask you something” he said softly and I looked up at him, to see him looking at the ceiling with his other arm propped behind his head and the pillow, his forehead wrinkled in the way that told me he was thinking about something intently.. 

“Anything” I replied, my hand resting over his racing heart, and my thumb rubbing small, gentle circles into his skin. “I went to uh..that support thing this afternoon. And the therapist- she said…she said therapy like- hurts before it helps. Is that…is that true?” He asked. I hummed in understanding, resting my cheek on his chest. 

“Yup. It hurts like a bitch to start with. But think of it like…like if you broke a bone and never set it, and it healed that way? You’d have to rebreak it, and the healing process is always worse the second time ‘cause there’s all the scar tissue but it heals way stronger. And you fully know the injury after healing it correctly, so you better know what triggers it and stuff. ” I said, gently running my fingertips along his ribs. His hand found his way under my shirt, rubbing my lower back gently with his palm, before his fingers stopped at the hem of my panties, tucking his the tops in the top of the band without thought. 

“Is it even worth it” he asked, gently stretching the elastic hem with his fingers absentmindedly. “Mmhmm..for sure. It’s never linear though, if you press on a scar hard enough even if it’s healed it’ll hurt.” I explained. “So…I’ll never be really happy? Fully anyway…Even if I went through all this therapy shit?” He muttered.

“Happiness also isn’t linear, Carm. No one is happy all the time. But you can be generally happy with your mental state, if you do the work in therapy. And it’s work. It’s like-“ I look up at him and he meets my eyes. “You’re fucking depressed, Carm. I am, we all are in this fucked up world. It’s like…an active effort to be happy, because our default if you’re a good person which you are is…sad. Sad for everything around us. For the shit we have to face. But- we can do things that bring more happiness to our lives, keep people around that make us happier. And it just means when we get down, that when we feel good we’ll be even more grateful and it’ll feel even more magical” I said and kissed his chest gently, resting my cheek back down against his skin and goosebumps raised under my flesh. 

“Mm…never thought ‘bout it like that, I guess…” he said quietly, gently squeezing my waist. I found the remote under the hem of the blanket before I turned off the tv, setting the controller down on the nightstand and closing my eyes. I nuzzled into his neck, and brought my hand up to gently play with his curls to help me focus on something so my mind wouldn’t run as I fell asleep. After about 20 minutes of calm silence, when my hand had finally stilled due to sleep taking its toll, I heard him mumble “G’night baby” before reaching down and pulling my thigh up more on his stomach, stroking it tenderly.  My hand grazes down his neck, resting over his heart once again “Night, Bear” I said sleepily, a tired smile forming on my lips when I felt his heartbeat quicken beneath my palm.

 I was woken up a few hours later to the unfortunately all too familiar stabbing and throbbing pain throughout my entire abdomen, the stabbing pain was nausea inducing- shooting all the way through my back muscles, as well as stomach brutally. I tried for about 20 suffering, agonizing minutes to fall back asleep, before the overwhelming nausea hit me at full force like a freight train, all at once. I threw my duvet back in a panic, Sephy meowing in surprise as she flung off my hip into Carm’s chest as I hopped up. I had barely made it to the toilet bowl, heaving up all we’d eaten together a few hours prior, silently praying I hadn’t woken Carm up in my mad dash to not be sick all over my bedroom floor. He has work early, the last thing he needs is to be woken up. 

I wretched violently, my stomach panging throughout my hips and back, everything we’d eaten a few hours ago exiting the exact same way it had went in. The pain in my stomach was heightened due to the sheer force of my heaving and I whimpered pathetically between gags, resting my hot, sweaty forehead on my arm as I swallowed down oxygen after the heaving stopped momentarily. I heard the door creak open, silently willing it to be Persephone’s nosy antics before I heard a raspy, sleep laced voice whisper - “Win? Fuck- are you ok? How can I help?” Carm rushed over and kneeled next to me, rubbing my back soothingly. 

“No- p-please- ahh- stop” I gasp at the sharp pain from his simple, light touch “don’t- d-don’t touch me I-it hurts.” I choked out shakily, messily wiping my mouth with a scrunched up bundle of toilet paper and tossing it in the bowl before flushing the toilet, his presence reeling back all the nausea I’d been feeling due to my unending embarrassment of being sick in front of others.

 “I’m sorry- I’m so, so sorry- h-how can I help you?” He asked as I gently lowered myself onto the cold tile, crumpling up pathetically in the fetal position as a hot flash took over like it usually did after I threw up, my whole body shivering uncontrollably as I sweat furiously. 

“Oh- shit oh my god- d-do you need to go to the hospital what is wrong Winnie?” He pleads, his voice laced with worry. 

I groan as my abdomen throbs with a cramp. “C-carmen” I gasp out. “I-it’s my fucking period. You can help me by just shutting up. I can barely think as it is.” I grit out between clenched teeth, eyes screwed shut due to the pain. “Jesus Christ” he muttered. “Please- please- Carmy- please.” I gasp in pain “Get the-the little syringe from m-my” I take a sharp breath at the shooting pain in my back. “The one on your nightstand?” He asked quickly and I nodded weakly, silently thanking god he took notice earlier. 

He was back in a few short moments and offered it to me. I took it, putting a large dose under my tongue and whining slightly at the potent, skunky taste. “Here-“ he left the bathroom and came back with my pink Yeti water cup from my nightstand. I shook my head “it has to sit” I mumbled, closing my eyes. He sits down next to me, slowly stroking my hair. “I didn’t know it…T-that it could get this bad.” 

I sighed shakily when the pain started to subside due to my heavy dose a few minutes later. “Yup” I mumbled, feeling too exhausted to say anything else. “Does it happen like this every month?” He asked, brushing the hair that had escaped my bun during sleep out of my face. 

“Mmhmm” I hum, gently resting my head on his lap, my neck aching from the hard tile. “Well I’m always just across the street if you need help” he said gently. My heart flutters at the kind sentiment. It was a few more minutes before my mind was clear enough from the pain being dulled that I could form my next thought. “you’re a great person, Carm” I said quietly, and he gently stroked my cheek with his knuckle. “I’m glad you think so” he said and I grabbed his hand, gently kissing his tattooed knuckles. 

“It’s a fact” I said gently against his fingers and sighed slightly. “Can you help me up so I can brush my teeth?” I asked, pulling myself into a sitting position. He got up swiftly, reaching out a hand and easily pulling me to my feet. “You good?” He asked, running his hand down my arm gently. “I’m good. Go wait for me, I’ll be in in a second” I said, wetting my toothbrush before putting on some toothpaste.

In a few minutes I was headed back in the bedroom, Carm was laid in the bed comfortably. “Hey” he said his eyes flickering open when I came in. I sat down on the bed, laying down and looking at him “would you…wanna do me a little favor?” I asked shyly, my cheeks heating. “ f’course baby, what do you need?” He sits up on his elbow, facing me and watching me closely. “Could you…um..like- can we spoon and could you rub my belly? It…it still hurts some.. and your hands are really warm and stuff” I said quietly, nibbling the inside of my lip. Would that be too intimate for him? 

“Ye’ baby, f’course” he laid on his side right away, getting his arm situated under my pillow so it wouldn’t fall asleep. “C’mere.” He opened up his other arm. I gingerly nustled in to him, his large warm palm finding its way under my shirt. “Like this?” He asked softly, rubbing gentle even strokes against my lower tummy. “Mmhmm” I breathe a sigh of relief out of my nose and rest my head back on his shoulder.  “Thank you…” I whisper. He kissed my temple “anytime, baby” my eyes fluttered shut, soaking in the feeling of his warmth into my skin. It really was relaxing to my sore muscles, but the intimacy and kindness of the action made it all the more soothing.

I was woken up to the feeling of my Apple Watch buzzing incessently on my wrist 

Taylor on stage 2 mins.

The alarm read. I groaned softly, pressing the side button so it would stop before grabbing my phone and swiping it open via face ID. I found TikTok- after turning down my burning brightness, before typing in Tess’ account, and checking the time in the corner of the screen that read 3:58. I yawned tiredly, nestling my hand under the blanket, to find Carm’s warm, large palm still resting comfortably over my tummy. I turned my volume down slightly, watching the screen as Taylor took the stage, hoping she was in the outfit I’d chosen on Swiftball before Carm got here last night. 

It was about 3 songs into her 3.5 hour set when Carm’s hand shuffles from beneath mine, reaching up to itch his chin, before rubbing face and he clears his throat, sleepily. “Time is it?” He grumbled tiredly into the back of my neck, his voice deep and thick with sleep. “4:08” I replied softly, intertwining our fingers when his hand found its way back to its comfortable spot on my lower abdomen. He groaned a bit, tiredly “fuckin’ already? D’you care if I shower honey?” He asked, squeezing my hand gently. 

I pouted at the idea of him leaving me cold in the bed so soon. “Why do you have to leave so early, Carmy?” I whined a bit, pulling his arm closer, and cuddling it to the side of my neck. “ ‘cause ‘m the only one signing off on the deliveries, baby.I don’t wanna leave ya’either” he said and kissed my shoulder sweetly. I pouted more “you have a super awesome, capable, smart sister - why don’t you split the days with her?” I asked desperately, and in response- he chuckled into my neck softly. “ ‘cause Sugar has a kid in preschool, and another in daycare- honey.” He replied sweetly. 

I sighed dramatically, “Fine, but can you stay just ten more minutes?” I plead and he kissed my jaw sweetly. “Ten, baby- then I’m gettin’ my ass up, deal?” He said and I smiled wide at my small victory, “deal” I kissed his hand sweetly, and he wrapped his other arm around my ribs contently,, pulling me to his chest. “You really woke up this early to watch this?” I felt his smile in the skin of my neck, full of amusement.  

“Yes really-” I replied. “Some people in this house have important, pressing matters to attend to this early, like cuddling super hot Italian guys, and watching High Priestess Taylor Swift perform across the Globe.” I teased and he snorted a laugh in the crook of my neck. “Mmm you’re right. This is important business, princess” he kissed the top of my head tenderly before yawning. 

“Y’didn’t wake up last night - “ I mentioned gently, “well…other then my fault- sorry ‘bout that again. But…I’m glad you weren’t sick cause of a nightmare or s’mthin” I said quietly, my glance shifting to his hesitantly. 

His eyebrows raised in surprise, clearly just noticing himself. “Oh- shit. Yea...Y’re right-. Don’t be sorry, babe- it’s ok” he rubbed my ribs and sweetly and squeezed affirmingly. “Maybe you should sleep over more often,then..” I smiled a bit, leaning in and pecking his lips tenderly. “Maybe I should '' he said softly, brushing his hair from his eyes. “how ‘bout I bring you some lunch, mm’ princess? You’re always comin’ to see me.. I can come to you for once, Y’re workin’ right?” He asked softly and I nodded. “I’m on 11-6. I’d love that, honestly, not much of a selection f’r lunch here to take.” I said with a smile and he nodded a bit. 

“What time’s good?” He runs his hand down my side, gently rubbing his palm over my hip before squeezing the flesh gently. “3…maybe 3:30- that seems like our time, yeah?” I smiled and his hand runs down under my bum, cupping the flesh and squeezing a bit.. “I like that. Our time.” He said and my eyes darted to the screen quickly as the Fearless chords started, and Taylor came out in her ‘Fearless’ era outfit. 

“Damn it! Fuckin bitch” I mutter to myself, causing him to laugh, his hand travelling back up to my waist. “What did she do to you?!” He questioned “fuckin! I voted that she was gonna wear her gold noodle dress so of course she comes out in the fringe gold one!! I swear I haven’t won Swiftball once” I huffed and he shook his head slightly, laughing at my dramatic reaction. “What in the hell is that?” He asked and I looked back at him “the Swifties! We all make bets on the outfits she wears on stage, and whoever gets the closest wins- like the powerball” I explained and he snorted, shaking his head lightly. 

“I gotta shower, angel. You keep tallying up your Taylorball f’r us, mm?” he got up, padding to the bathroom and flicking on the light. “Swiftball!” I called after him, hearing him chuckle as he shut the bathroom door. I laid there for about 10 more minutes watching my phone, before grabbing it and going out into the kitchen. I took out the bear mug for Carmy, and a hello kitty mug for myself, starting his cup first. I remembered how he said he liked it, mixing it together and I heard the bathroom door open just as I was rinsing the spoon in the sink. 

I came back, nudging the bedroom door open with my hip, to see him pulling on his loose jeans over his boxers, hair still wet from the shower, a few beads of water dripping down his chest. I could have dropped both the cups at the gorgeous sight in front of me. “Hey” he said pulling me from my dirty thoughts. “You’re too sweet- y’didn’t have to make me coffee” he said and I smiled a bit, padding over carefully and handing him his cup. “Well you don’t have time for breakfast so…guess it’s the next best thing” I put my phone on the bed, carefully sitting down criss cross. 

He took a sip, humming in satisfaction “Mm, it’s really good babe, thanks” he set it down on the dresser, pulling a plain white shirt out of his bag that I usually saw him in and smiling a bit to myself as I watched him pull it over his head. “You’re cute” I said softly and he snorted through his nose softly in amusement. “You are sleep deprived from staying up until 1 am, and then waking up at 3 and again at 4 to watch Taylor.” He countered, grabbing his mug and sitting down next to me. 

“Oh sure you’re one to talk about sleep deprivation” I teased, grabbing my phone and setting it in my view. “It’s different for me because I’m used to it. It’s just how I operate. I don't need to sleep” he shrugged and I laughed. “Mmm- so not only are you one of the best chefs in the world- you also are the first animal to not need sleep? I really won the genetic lottery with you our kids are gonna be superhero’s” I joked, and he nearly chokes on his coffee. 

“You want kids?” He asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I-I mean…maybe? If I’m..able to have them…I have a lot of…plumbing issues I guess” I said, turning my attention back to my cup. “I’d be a horrible father.” He said and I looked back at him, furrowing my brows. “No, you would not be, Carmen. Why do you say that?” I asked and he rolled his eyes. “Please Winnie. One thing at a time. I can’t even imagine myself dating someone on a regular basis…” he said and I felt my cheeks heat, nodding quickly. 

“I- I’m sorry it…it was a stupid joke. I probably…I was told it’s like a really slim to none chance I can even have kids, anyways so…” I cleared my throat, biting back the large lump with a sharp, thick swallow. “I’d- I’d probably be a shitty mom anyway” I awkwardly laughed a bit, turning my attention back to the screen and sipping my coffee to ease the tension. “I think you’d be an amazing mom” he said a few moments later, my cheeks getting warmer. 

“I’m- I’m too emotional”  I mutter, shaking my head and looking down at my cup. “That’s one of my favorite things about you” he said softly and I met his gaze, my fingers tightening around my cup. “What- what is?” I asked softly. 

“That you…you just say what it is you’re feeling- even if you’re having like..big feelings, and that you aren’t like..scared? Of how I’ll react? Like you just…you say whatever y’re feelin’.” He admitted, taking another sip from his mug. I shrugged a bit “no use lying about how I feel, or what I want- I’d rather someone just rip the bandaid off and leave if they don’t want the same things before I can get attached to them fully.” I said and he nodded a bit. 

“Have you always been like that?” He asked, and I shook my head quickly. “Absolutely not. I used to be the biggest people pleaser. Now I care about myself and my feelings a lot more. Took years of therapy” I said, looking over as Persephone leaped up, and walked over to Carmen’s lap, plopping herself down and purring loudly. “Well hello miss” he said with a smile, scratching her chin and she purred louder causing him to chuckle. 

“Y’sound like a lawnmower, cat” he set his cup down to give her his full attention, and she rolled onto her back, stretching and showing off her belly, causing me to giggle. “Why don’t you have a cat?” I questioned and he shrugged, petting her soft chest gently. “I dunno…never really thought about it before. I’m never home I guess, so not really sure it’d be fair” he said and she started licking his finger gently, causing him to gasp lightly and look over to me. 

“She’s kissing me” he said giddily, almost giggling as she licked over his tattoos. I felt my heart flutter, feeling so enamored by seeing the softer side of him. “Mmhmm, she thinks you’re her baby I guess, she does it to me too even though I am the mother here” I stroked her tail gently and she looks at me giving a sassy ‘brrrow’ before getting up and settling in to his side, where I couldn’t pet her. 

“Wooooow” I laughed. “You takin’ ‘er? Seems like she’s found a new bestie” I joked, causing him to chuckle. “Are you gonna be my new kitchen kitty, Persephone? Mm? I’m sure the customers would love you” he cooed, stroking her back gently. “You’re just too cute- but I gotta get goin’ little fluff, you make it really hard to get outta here I just wanna lay here and cuddle you all day” he tells her sweetly, causing me to smile wide. He would be a fucking amazing dad. He’s so, so sweet when he allows himself to be. 

“Wait- already?!” I realized what he’d said and he looked over “ye’ babe m’ sorry. But 3 right? I’ll be by the store for ya’?” He grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing my fingers. “Yeah” I said and pouted a bit. “Here let me give you your coffee to go” I leaned over him, pecking his lips before grabbing his half full mug of coffee from the nightstand and heading to the kitchen.  

I put it in the microwave so it would be hot for him again, getting out my pale green yeti adorned with different stickers from camping trips and I Sadie had taken, and filling it with the once again steaming coffee, sprinkling a little cinnamon on top before closing the lid and coming back to see he’d already gotten his bag together and was dangling one of Sephys toys chuckling a bit whenever she’d dive up to grab it and miss. “Hey- thanks by the way” he said with a smile, taking the cup when I offered it to him and he flings the mouse he’d been teasing her with in the hallway and she darts after it like a bat out of hell causing him to chuckle lightly. 

“I hate that you have to leave so soon” I come and straddle his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and wrapping myself around him like a koala. He chuckled a bit “2 clingy girls in the morning huh?” He teases as Persephone comes back, dropping the mouse at his feet and meowing, begging him to throw it again. “Well when we have the sexiest chef in all of Chicago here, how can we not be?” I kissed him, playing with his damp curls gently. 

His hand trailed up the back of my shirt, rubbing over the scar that went down the side of my ribs and hip gently, leaving a warm trail of goosebumps in its wake. I hummed sweetly into the kiss, opening my mouth for him and he took the invitation, our kiss becoming deeper, heavier, hornier. I moaned softly into his mouth allowing his tongue to dominate mine as he reached down and squeezes my ass before pulling away slightly. I open my eyes. 

“Why don't you taste like cigarettes?” I asked softly and his brows knitted together for a moment “uh- I- I..dunno? I guess…guess I haven’t smoked since I got here” he said and I smiled a bit. “Hm” was all I said and a grin slowly appeared. “Hm what?” He asked, stroking the sides of my thighs gently with his palms. I shrug, “dunno…just thought you smoked a lot.” I said and he snorts “I do. I go through like…god. I used to be a pack a day but now I’m down to like..half, why? You countin’ for me?” He teased. 

“No, but half a pack usually says you’re going out like- mm every other hour? I’ve seen you smoke 3 times, maybe 4. Less then a handful, for sure, cause you look really hot when you do it, so I notice.” I said, playing with the tight curls at the base of his neck gently. “Mm” he hummed, looking at my lips for a moment before leaning in and kissing me again, the sweet, gentle kind of kiss I knew that was going to end with a ‘see you later’ so I tightened my arms around him, dragging it out for as long as I could before he pulled away. 

“Baby” he said quiet but stern, resting his forehead on mine. “Yes bear?” I said sweetly, causing his smile to grow. “I have to go, or the delivery guy is gonna leave all our shit in the back.” He said softly and kisses my forehead, lingering for a moment. “I promise yeah? As soon as Syd gets in I’ll make sure she knows she’s gonna be covering for me for lunch.” He said and trailed kisses down my jaw. My stomach tightened at the idea of potentially putting Syd under more stress for my own selfish desires. 

“Can’t- w-why can’t sugar?” I asked, my voice trembling a bit as he kissed a particularly sensitive spot below my jaw. He chuckled a bit into my skin, his hot breath causing a fire of goosebumps to trail down my neck. “Because Sug is my books girl, and Syd is my right hand honey. She can handle it, I know she can. C’mon baby, up I’m already 5 minutes behind” he pats my bum. 

I sighed softly, getting up and going to my side of the bed, sliding into my slippers and I walked him to the door. Persephone weaves between his legs, plopping down on top of his feet when we stop in the entryway causing him to chuckle. “I’ll be back soon huh snowball?” He leaned down, patting her hip gently. “Take good care of Y’re mom for me if she has any more tummy aches ok?” He told her as he scratched her chin causing me to smile bashfully.  “Get over here you big smush” I said and he stood up straight, wrapping his arms around my waist and giving me one final deep juicy goodbye kiss before pulling away. “3pm, I’ll be seein’ you princess.” He affirmed and I nodded, feeling absolutely enchanted by the romance and domesticity of it all. “3” I repeated, opening the door for him.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸 

I practically bounced down the stairs, a small smile on my face. What the fuck was this feeling? I continued asking myself that same question as I fished my cigarettes out of my pocket as well as my lighter, taking a long drag. The light feeling hits my head before I can even slip my lighter into pocket and I exhale, blinking a few times at the sensation. 

I’m pretty sure the last time I got a cigarette buzz is that time in New York I was in the hospital for 3 days and they would not allow me out to smoke. 

I also can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling like this. I didn’t wake up on my own bullshit last night, instead it was Winnie who needed my help. I actually feel…clear headed again? For the first time since I’d - left…Winnie’s on Saturday. 

My heart thumped faster at the realization, why the fuck does she have this effect on me? And why the fuck do I have so many god damn questions this morning? I took another pull of my cigarette, thinking back again to what Winnie said. She remembers what I taste like? I surely remember what she tastes like, I mean- I only fucking imagine it when I’m falling asleep. 

I’d never kissed someone as fuckin’ sweet as her before- in every damn way. From her chapstick that somehow managed to always be present, to her gentle, soft lips, the adorable, delectable little noises she makes when I feel her up. I felt my blood rushing the wrong way and my cheeks heated slightly. How fuckin old am I? Jesus Christ getting semi-hard thinking about making out. Get a grip. 

I sighed softly to myself, thinking about the prep I needed to get done at the restaurant instead. I need to double check the order, I need to take stock of the back freezer, that’s where I put that purple cabbage- I could do cabbage rolls I’d bet she’d get a kick out of a purple lunch. I shook my head to myself, I can’t even keep my mind off her for two seconds it felt. 

I got to the restaurant, just getting the back door unlocked as the delivery driver pounded “sorry- late morning” I muttered as I shoved the door open for him and he goes through to the kitchen, dropping off the boxes at the freezer. “Have a good one” I told him as he passes by with a grunt of acknowledgment, the door swinging behind him and shutting with a slam. 

The sound brings my mind back to yesterday, Sydney’s sharp, cutting words before she left my office. “You will have nothing to worry about me, and my interest in your “personal” life - anymore, heard?” 

I sighed deeply, leaning against the wall and rubbing my face over roughly. “Fuckin, give me a break. Can I just get a break.” I muttered to myself, shaking my head as I mulled over what I could possibly say to try to convince her outside of being her boss I wasn’t the biggest douchebag to ever walk the face of the planet. Nothing that I threw at the wall seemed to stick, whatsoever. Especially considering Sydney’s responses to my pathetic apology attempts before. 

You're right. Your behavior was unacceptable, I’m glad you realize that. 

If you don’t wanna be an asshole- don’t be an asshole. 

I actually tend to agree- you do overreact and have a horrible temper. 

I shook my head, going to the back and changing, leaving my stuff in my locker before coming back out, beginning to put away todays delivery in the fridge and freezer. I got lost in the groove for a while, only being pulled out when I heard the door close and lock again. Fuck. I still have no idea what I’m gonna say to her. I ran a hand through my hair nervously, leaning against the freezer door as I watch my breath in puffs. 

I rested my head against the freezer door, tugging at my hair trying to form at least one noteworthy apology I could come up with. What the fuck am I even apologizing for? Like -

 ‘Hey Syd. Sorry there was a lot of weird sexual tension between us for a few months. I’ve been really horny and frustrated since I moved back from New York, you’re really hot, I’m a manipulative piece of shit- and allowed myself to flirt with you for a while, hard- because I simply wanted to peak my own interest and see if you liked me back. Why? Oh just to stroke my ego! Even though I knew I could never bring myself to jeopardize my friendship with you, or loose the best employee I've ever hired, and likely will ever hire - by a) embarrassing myself with my utter lack of sexual experience, and b) risking the ultimate rejection if you didn’t feel the same - and the worst kind of rejection. Because I’m your fucking MENTOR hitting on my OWN employee and the person who runs ‘HR’ if you were uncomfortable? Oh she just changed my dirty fucking diapers. Totally not a conflict of interest for her on who to side with. Oh! Also- I’m sorry for a few months later- sneaking around your back, and not telling you anything when I started seeing one of your friends- even though we were good friends that told eachother mostly everything just a few weeks before I met her- before I went and fucked it up like everything else of course. Oh!!! and this is all to say- I really want to continue what I had goin’ this morning with said friend of yours, would you mind maybe…staying here for me? handling everything by yourself for an hour while I *hopefully* go get laid later pretty please?” 

“Chef? You here?” Her voice pulls me from my thoughts. I took a deep breath, grabbing my clipboard from the box I’d left it “ye sorry” I said pulling open the door, “the uh- finishin’ the inventory.” I muttered, heading over to the mobile order tablet to see if we had any preorders to fill. “I’m um- about…about yesterday” I looked at her. 

“I’m sorry” I said evenly, “I uh- I’m…I’m sorry. Im sorry for being such a fuckin’ dick lately. I deserved it.” I said she she was a bit taken aback by my apology, something that wasn’t too common coming from me- verbally anyway. 

“Uh…” she blinked a few times. “Yea- yeah. Thank you.” She said, nodding a bit. I sighed a bit, closing my eyes and shaking my head “do you- d’you think you can uh…cover? For me? Today. From 3 to like..probably 4ish” I look at her and she rolls her eyes lightly. “Just know if you hurt her. I’ll know. I’m always watching. Yes. I’ll cover for you. If you bring this” she digs around in her bag, handing over a black dress “back to her so I don’t have to make the extra trip. Tell ‘er thanks again. And also- I want my Prada heels back, I’ve been asking about them for like 3 weeks now and she told me she was holding them ransom until she got this back.” She headed to the back to get changed. 

I held the dress up, looking at it and smiling softly, shaking my head. I went to the office, dropping the dress off in my backpack and seeing a bright green sticky stuck to the side of the desk when I bent over. I grab it, standing up and reading over the note, a large goofy grin taking over my features and blushed, snorting through my nose at the little hearts drawn over the I’s 

You are one sexiii lil’ Italian hunk. Xoxo - ur secret admirer ;) 

I admired her handwriting for a moment, memorizing the details of each little letter. Storing a mental snapshot of it in the back of my mind. I took a tack, sticking it to my little post board that was covered in old notices and bills for the restaurant as well as well past to-do lists, and smiled realizing it was the only splash of color on the board. 

I slip my phone out of my pocket to text her, and see she’d sent me a video as well as a message. I sat down in my desk chair, clicking it open. 

She has NOT stopped - she misses her new bestie 🥺 

I clicked open the video, to see Winnie’s freckled legs splayed on the couch in front of her as she zooms into the front door, where Persephone sat splat in the middle of the hallway, howling. 

“Baaaby girl!!” Her sweet voice cooed, bringing a smile to my face instantly “he had to go to works! He can’t stay home with Mama and play mousey all day with the kittens!” she explained to her, to which the fluffball turned around, meowing in her direction. God, the way she talks to her is so fuckin’ cute. 

“He is a busy important man baby,” she said as the cat pranced over to her, standing on her hind legs and sniffing the camera. “Awww you givin ‘em kisses? That's so sweet my little angel, I miss his kisses too” she said, my cheeks heating and I bit my lip to contain my grin.

“okay you’ve told him how much you miss him and given more kisses- he’s got the coolest restaurant in Chi-town to run, now say bye-bye!” She giggled and the video ended. I sat back in my chair, playing the video twice more over just to hear her voice for a little longer before replying. 

Tell her mamas ‘sexiii little Italian hunk’ can be back for snuggles at 11, if mommy is ok with that, that is 😉 

I hit send before I could think about it, mulling over the words she’d told me this morning. 

No use in lying about what I want. 

I left my phone on the desk, knowing I’d be tempted to pull it out any time I got some random notification from my email or news app to see if she’d texted, and headed back out to the kitchen with the mug she’d lent me, taking a sip and setting it next to the preorder till, scrolling through and accepting the orders for the day. 

Sydney was over at her station next to me, chopping grapes for the welcome broth, looking over when I set the mug down. “Is that-“ she said and I looked up from the tablet, seeing her staring at the mug. “Dude.” She looks at me, heat finding its way back to my cheeks. “I don’t even know why I’m worried about her. You’re the one that’s gonna be getting yourself hurt here.” She shook her head, smiling dryly to herself as she went back to cutting the grapes into even fourths. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, the statement coming out a bit more defensive then I’d meant it to. “It means - I know you, Carm. And this is the same bullshit that happened with Claire.” She said matter-of-factly. I scoffed slightly, “she is not fucking Claire. You should know that, better than anyone else.” I rolled my eyes slightly at the mere idea anyone could ever compare the 2 of them. 

“I know she’s not Claire. But I know who you are, Carmen. And the second you fuck up here, a fuckup you can’t just scramble and fix? You’re gonna blame her. And guess what?” She sets her knife down. “Just like you did with Claire, you’re gonna run away- but this time, instead of having Winnie fall to your feet like Claire did, begging for you to be with her, Winnie is going to drop you and cut you out faster than you can even imagine. She doesn’t fuck around with people who can’t appreciate her anymore.” She pushed the grapes into the bowl and wiped down her board with a kitchen towel. 

“She’s different though, Syd, that’s why I don’t feel like running. It’s honestly…” I shook my head, turning my attention back to the till to avoid her gaze. “It’s fucking terrifying.” I said quietly, rubbing my wrist nervously. “I’m…I’m gonna try. Okay?” I looked at her and she nodded slightly, but the look behind her eyes said she didn’t believe it. 

“Give it your best,” she turned her attention back to the garlic she was now mincing. “I also don’t even think you really know what you’re getting into, but hey-” She shrugged curtly “you’re the boss, right” she said, and I felt my chest tighten. This entire situation was becoming more, and more difficult to navigate as it became more intense due to the simple fact my right fuckin hand isn’t wanting to cooperate.

Syd is my emotional rock at work- which was essentially my entire life, so the way she is refusing to guide me is going to cause this to end up crashing and burning, horribly. 

“Jesus Syd. Will you cut the bullshit. Fuckin- when have I ever thrown that shit in your face?! I respect you, Sydney. I respect the work you do here, and even more I respect you as a fucking friend. Yes, I am a fuckin’ jagoff a lot of the time. I have a short fucking temper, I take it out on you- be-because I” she stared at me, silently waiting for me to finish. 

I swallowed thickly, closing my eyes and reeling the words I really wanted to tell her back down my throat. One night with Winnie was fantastic, but it wasn’t so emotionally unveiling that I’d admit to one of my closest friends that I love having her in my life and genuinely believe her advice. 

“Because- I know…I know you are better then I am, Syd. I see so fucking much in you. I’m harder on you then any other person, because I know you could do this better than I could. And I…I know I’m a fuckin’ mule when it comes to advice about the restaurant but- in life? With..like being a fuckin’ friend and shit? Y’know…like…being- being a whole person.” My voice trailed off at the end and she stares at me, jaw slightly open. 

“Uh…” she said softly, blinking a few times, “thank- thank you. Thank you. For the apology” she went back to mincing the garlic and my eyebrows furrowed. “Apology?” I asked. “The first real apology you’ve ever given me. That is how you apologize, you know that, right? You stated the behavior, admitted you know it was wrong, agreed you were acting shitty, were honest about why you act the way you do, and affirmed me that I do mean something in your life” she said, scraping the garlic into the bowl with her knife. 

“There’s a structural way to give an apology?” I questioned, taking another sip of coffee that was still nice and hot due to the travel mug it was in, I’d need to get one of these for myself. She snorted at my response, a smile finally coming to her face. “You have a lot to learn from Winnie. Shes gonna therapy your ass out. Maybe this is a good thing, she can teach you somethin’ “ she took the bowl, heading over to the stoves where a large pot she’d set out was waiting for her. 

“Yup..she’s already started, you can probably tell though” I began taping up the first orders of the day for Ebra at the order prep station. “You think I can’t tell?” She asked and I smiled a bit, looking back at her. “What? Am I that juvenile that you can tell when I have a crush?” I joked and she laughed a bit. “Well, yes. But also- I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without dark circles. You’ve clearly been sleeping better since you started seeing her.” She poured in the onions she’d been chopping before I came in into the hot pot, beginning to sauté them with a wooden spoon. 

“Have you slept over her house? I swear she has like…” I smiled a bit, taping up the last order up on the metal shelf “a fuckin’ method for going to bed dude. Like- she has this..this-“ “noise machine” we said at the same time and she giggled a bit. “I’ve had many sleepovers there. She’s high maintenance with her bedtime routine.” She said and I snort. “Routine” I muttered, walking over to the ice machine and checking the log to be sure Richie cleaned it as promised. 

“That’s probably why you can’t sleep- what do you do before bed usually?” She asked, pouring in the grapes and garlic to cook down when the onions were soft enough. “Uhhh” I think for a moment. “Well- I get home. Shower. Eat a sandwich, then turn on some cooking show and pass out on the couch before the first commercial” I headed back to the fridge to grab a few loaves of dough out for Marcus that I knew he’d be needing when he got in.  “That’s the reason, and you wonder why your back is totally fucked” she called after me. I came back with the dough “no, not really. Just like to complain” I teased, setting the dough down on his station for him so it would proof before he got in.

I wasn’t able to get back to the office to grab my phone and cigarettes until around one, leaning against the wall and lighting it before taking out my phone to see a text from Winnie that had been timestamped at 9:50. 

This mamas will take a sexy Italian hunk in her bed any night of the week 😚 

I smiled, shaking my head amusedly and sending a response. 

What r we feelin for lunch today? 

It wasn’t more than a few minutes of leaning against the brick, thinking about the prep I needed to finish for next rush, before my phone buzzed against my leg again. I fished it out of my pocket, clicking on the text icon. 

I’m SO glad you asked. I've been stalking your menu online all day- I wanna try the chicken picatta, but can you do pasta + extra garlic in it for meeee 🥹?

I smiled at the choice of emoji, texting back with my thumb quickly. 

Gotchu babe 

I finished my cigarette, sliding my phone in my pocket and stepping out the butt before heading back inside. 

At around 2:30 I started making our lunch, “did I miss a ticket Chef?” Ebra asked, watching as I dropped the pasta in the boiling water. “No- no. All good Ebra keep up your pace. This is f’r me and a…a friend” I mixed it around with the spoon before grabbing 2 to go containers for us. 

“You’ve been seeing your friend a lot ‘eh?” He smiled a bit, continuing to braise the short rib order he was working on. “I have” I nodded, setting the containers down next to my station on the counter. “She’s uh…a good person to be around.” I said adding the lemon in to the sauce. “You seem…more pleasant.” He said, causing me to chuckle. “Y’sayin im an asshole most the time?” I teased and he shook his head with a small smile.  “Some of the time, but less of the time since your…friend.” He said and plated the order, calling it out as he slid it down for the servers. By the time I’d packed up our lunch, and made it back to the office it was 2:54, perfect timing. I put on my jacket, stuffing my cigarettes and lighter in my pocket and headed to the bookstore.

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

“No no I think we have to flip it” Sadie said and I gasped, “you are so so fucking smart oh my god the biggest brain ever!!” I laughed, turning my phone back around the right way and screenshotting the photo of the cryptic, scrambled, backwards looking letters Taylor had posted on TikTok. The store was empty, had been for the past hour. The gloomy day out wasn’t helping the case of any possible tourists wandering, or our regulars stopping by. 

“Oh my god shut up” I gasped as I read it “stop!! Evermore and Folklores triplet!” I squealed happily, patting her arm quickly in excitement. “Bitch. Oh my god this is insane” she shook her head in disbelief, a wide smile as she hovered over my shoulder reading along as I swiped the next one, doing the same process of screenshotting before flipping the image.

The bell above the door dinged and we both looked up Simultaneously, “Carm!” I said, hopping off the stool and bouncing over excitedly to give him a big hug. I nuzzled my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders kissing his exposed skin gently. “Hey Win” he said softly, rubbing my back gently. I crane my neck up at his towering frame, looking at him with a large smile “guess what” I said excitedly. 

“What?” He asked with an amused smile, looking down at me adoringly.  “Taylor posted new fuckin’ lyrics!! And they’re SO sad!! C’mon-“ I took his hand, lacing our fingers together swiftly. I look over my shoulder as we passed the font counter “Takin’ lunch- if I go over 30 and it gets busy, come get me” I told Sadie. “ Doubt it’ll get busy this time of fay, Have funnn” she said in a sing-song voice, wiggling her eyebrows and I rolled my eyes playfully, dragging him to the back office and shutting the door. 

“Hey” I smiled and he put the brown paper bag on the desk, wrapping his strong, calloused hands around my waist. “Hey baby” he leaned in, kissing me sweetly and cupping my cheek. My heart warmed at the gentle gesture, relishing in the feeling of his rough skin and gently resting my hand atop of his much larger one, curling my fingers against his palm. My eyes fluttered open when he pulled away, and I kissed along his jaw gently. “How’s work?” I ask softly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders loosely as I pepper him in sweet gentle kisses. 

“It’s goin’ ” he ran his hands down to my bum and squeezed, causing me to smile into his skin, and gently graze the corner of his jaw with my teeth, nipping playfully. He hummed “you need to behave yourself- your friends out there baby” he said quietly as to not alert her, slipping his hands into my back pockets, his thumbs hanging in the back belt loops of my jeans. 

“Who said I’m not behaving?” I whispered in his ear and gently tugged the lobe with my teeth. He inhales deeply. “It’s time to eat” he took his hands out of my pockets, spanking me with his left hand lightly but sharp, causing me to giggle. “Someone’s in a mood today” I teased, grabbing the bag and plopping on the couch in the corner. 

“A mood” he repeated with a smile, sitting down next to me. I crossed my legs over one another casually, taking out one of the two boxes from the bag and handing it over to him. “A bossy mood” I said teasingly, taking out my own box and dumping the remaining silverware and napkins out of the bag into my lap, handing him one of the little plastic pouches as well as half the napkins.  

“Mmm…you say bossy, I say time conscious” he countered and I snorted lightly opening up my white styrofoam container. “ooooo” I said excitedly at the look and smell, looking over at him, beaming in admiration. “it looks soo good Carmy, you spoil me. Thank you, truly. This is so much better then anything I ever could’ve brought.” I leaned over, pecking his lips gently and he smiled

 “Any time babe it’s nothin crazy, just my job” he said and I opened my silverware, pulling out the plastic fork. I said a silent ‘please let this look kinda normal?’ Prayer, before cutting up my chicken. “You’re the best at your job.” I said, huffing slightly when the pieces came out absolutely mangled. 

He laughed “babe- what the fuck are you doing to that chicken?” He asked and I blushed slightly, pouting out my lip and looking over to him. “Stooooppp” I whine. “I hate cutting food. I always fuck it up it looks like a fuckin’ kid did it” I said, twirling up a piece of chicken defeatedly with some of the pasta underneath. “It’s not that hard honey, I can teach you if you want” he said and I rolled my eyes, taking a bite. 

I hummed happily at the lemon, garlic, herby goodness dancing over my tongue, and rested my head back on the couch, closing my eyes. “fuck. Oh my god Carm.” I look at him “this is amazing” I said and he chuckled. “Say say that every time I make you something.” He said and I shook my head, going in for another bite. 

When we had finished eating about 15 or so minutes later, and it wasn’t long after that before I was straddling his lap, and we were heavily feeling eachother up as we exchanged needy, sloppy kisses. I gently tugged on his curls, whimpering softly as he slowly ran his tongue against mine. I felt his hand on the back of my head, pulling me in to kiss me harder. My grip on his hair tightened, pulling a bit harder earning a moan into my mouth that caused me to smile against his lips. 

I hummed against him gently, moving my tongue against his, fighting for control. After about a minute or so, he finally let me have what I wanted. I pressed my chest against his, feeling his hands slowly travel up to my hair, playing with the ends gently hesitantly. I ran my tongue against his, thinking about the interesting taste of the lingering tastes on his tongue and trying to decipher them. 

Cigarettes- obviously, lemon, garlic…maybe cape- my thoughts are quickly interrupted with the feeling of his large hand gripping the base of my neck, his fingers intertwining between large strands of my hair and a sharp pull, causing our lips to suddenly disconnect, a short gasp leaving my lips at the demanding action. 

A small string of saliva connected us for a moment before his tongue darted out over his nearly kiss-bruised lips. “What you said this morning about…about saying what you want” he said softly, his voice husky and low. 

I nodded quickly, my core twitching and throbbing, imagining what he was going to say next. I would do absolutely anything he asked. I needed him so intensely at the current moment, that I was nearly sure I would have to change my tampon again from my gushing arousal when he eventually had to go.

“I-“ he took a sharp, quivering breath as I grind against his crotch with an achingly slow, hard circular movement of my hips, kissing and nipping his neck gently, I could tell the friction was driving him insane. 

“Fuck- I-I want you to suck my cock, h-here. Now. Right now” he said, his voice needy and breathy. I bit my lip to contain a grin. “Yeah? Sure baby, I’d love to” I grabbed a pillow without another thought, plopping it on the floor in front of his feet and getting on my knees, tying my long auburn hair back swiftly into a low bun with the hair tie I kept on my wrist for emergencies.  

I gently stroked his thighs, looking up at him intently. I felt the anxiety radiating off of him, even among the thick tension of desire that was lining the room. “ ‘s ok, baby, Sadie won’t come back here unless the building is literally on fire.” I affirmed gently, feeling him slightly relax a bit under my slow, steady strokes up and down the length of his muscular thighs. 

“Y’re so fuckin’ beautiful, honey. Fuck. Y’re so fuckin perfect.” He muttered, I bit my lip gently, tightening my thighs together to try and gain some friction that would ease the ache in my core. “May I?” I asked gently, my hand finding his belt buckle as I wouldn’t tear my eyes from his locked gaze and tugging gently. 

“Do whatever, baby, please.” He gently brushed my fringe from my eyes gently, running his hand back behind my head, lacing his fingers into my hair firmly. My eyes flicked to his belt buckle, my fingers trembling slightly in anticipation as I slipped the leather free, the light jingle of the metal causing my throat to bob in a thick swallow. 

I wondered what his belt would feel like if he spanked me with it, if he would leave marks if I asked him to... 

I gently undid the button of his pants with light hands, my eyes trailing down, admiring his frame, landing on his abdomen. I slid my hands up his thighs achingly slowly, pushing up the hem of his white shirt with my thumbs, exposing his chiseled stomach. With gentle fingers, I led teasing strokes up his v line gently with the pads of my silky digits. I felt goosebumps rise under my touch, a small smirk gracing my features.  “y’know what’d be so fuckin’ sexy, baby? Like…it’d make me insane?” I asked in a sultry tone. 

My gaze didn’t break his as I pushed his shirt higher, exposing his abs and leaning down, licking a thick, hot stripe along the chizled line. I felt his stomach muscles tightening under my tongue gently, and he let out a soft whimper. “W-what baby?” He questioned, tugging on my hair gently. My eyes flicker up to his, a frisky smile on my lips. 

“It would be so fucking sexy if you had hip tattoos” my fingers brush along his hip bones before leaning down and leaving a trail of kisses over each hip. His breathing got heavier beneath my touch, my hand trailing up and brushing over his abs. 

I kept my eyes locked on his as I raked my nails lightly over his muscular torso causing him to shiver slightly, adorable. I planted an open mouth kiss right below his navel. “F-fuck- I’ll think ‘bout it babe, c’mon, it’s 3:29” he said, glancing at the clock and I giggled, amused at his obsession with keeping time.

“Soo bossy” I hummed, “you need to close your eyes, and trust me. I promise, here” I set my phone next to me “I’ll keep track of time, let me help you relax baby” I kissed his hip tenderly. He nodded a bit, resting his head back and closing his eyes. 

“I usually wouldn’t ask- but please” be quiet.” I said, reaching my hand in his boxers and pulling his hard length free of the fabric, pushing his chefs slacks down out of my way as much as I could. He snorted, looking down at me. “Y’know, I could easily revert to my old ways and say nothing when I fuck you, would you rather that?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise, a smirk coming to my face. 

“I love this new attitude you’ve taken on, Bear” I licked a hot wet stripe with the pad of my tongue from the base vein of his thick member to the tip and his head dropped back, blue eyes fluttering shut in bliss. “Y’re so fuckin’ good at that” he muttered. “You have such a nice cock” I said quietly, admiring it in my hand before taking the tip in my mouth and humming at the salty, slightly bitter taste of his precum coating my tongue. 

His hand finds the back of my head again and he pushes firm but not harsh, causing me to sink down a good three inches “there” he breathed out. I stroked the bottom third firmly as he liked, starting a good rhythm as I bobbed my head up and down. I hollowed out my cheeks, earning a soft grunt from him. 

I looked up at him through my eyelashes, his head was fallen back on the couch, the veins in his neck bulging with pleasure, jaw tight, breathing rigid. I quickened the pace with my hand, along with my mouth and he tugs his bottom between his lip hotly, eyes screwed shut. My other hand trails up his abdomen, tracing the curve of the hard muscle beneath my skin. 

His muscles twitched and contracted beneath my gentle touch, taking a sharp breath as I came up and flicked my tongue quickly over his tip and I felt his cock twitch in my hand. I gently pump him, twisting my hand slightly around his length with the firm grip he preferred, removing my mouth from him. “Carmy” I said softly, my hand splaying over his tight stomach and rubbing strokes back and forth over his hips. 

His eyes fluttered open and he looked down at me, gasping lightly at the sight. My lips were no doubt swollen and glistening with saliva. “I want you to look at me when you cum, I think it’s hot” I said and he swallowed thickly, nodding a bit “yeah baby… I gotchu” he said and I smiled a bit, looking up at him through my eyelashes as I took his tip in my mouth. 

I slowly sank down to meet my hand half way, working my tongue around his length as I hollowed my cheeks. “Y’re so fuckin’ pretty on your knees f’me baby” he said softly, stroking the back of my head with his thumb gently.

My core throbs, aching in desire with the added praise. But in my current condition I’d never let him do anything with me, I’d rather just handle it on my own at home. I could not wait to get home after this was over to get some relief. 

I felt his length twitching and tightening in my mouth around my tongue, I lick a hot wet stripe up to his tip, flicking my tongue over the sensitive pink as I worked my hand in a way that made his stomach clench and his hand that wasn’t in my hair was holding a white knuckled grip on the cushion next to him. 

“Fuck, fuck thats it- good fuckin’ girl” he grunted out as he shot thick white stripes of pleasure all the way to the back of my tongue. I hum in satisfaction at the taste and watch as his head falls back, eyes fluttering shut as he pants. I swallowed the hot salty liquid, gently fixing his pants and buttoning them as he caught his breath. 

He continues to watch me, cheeks flushed and pink, pupils blown wide with pleasure, chest rising and falling softly. “Y’re fuckin’ amazing y’know that, right baby?” He asked and I smile proudly, plopping in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck loosely. 

“So I’ve heard” I joked and he leaned in, kissing me passionately. He hums gently at the taste of himself on my tongue, I smiled into the kiss, playing with his curls gently that were now slightly damp with sweat from the encounter. When he pulled away he gazes up at me. 

“Y’don’t have to swallow that shit, tasted awful” he said and I slap his chest playfully “does not! Your cum doesn’t taste bad, it’s one of the better I’ve tried actually” I said with a giggle and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head playfully. “You are somethin’ “ he tucks my hair behind my ear, smoothing out the back where he’d no doubt made a mess of it. 

I reach up, tugging the bun free and putting the hair tie back on my wrist. “I could say the same thing about you, never had a guy willingly kiss me after I blew him.” I leaned in to his chest. He scrunched his eyebrows a bit, “really?” He asked and I nod a bit “mmhmm” I hummed. “Why?” He asked and I shrug a bit. “ ‘dunno. The only guy I asked just said it was disgusting but it comes from your body so..and I think it’s hot.” I said. 

“Those guys sound like total pussys.” He said, smiling slightly and pulling me in for another kiss. Were interrupted by his phone ringing and he pulled away slightly, grabbing it from his jacket pocket. 

“Shit” he muttered to himself “hold on honey, I have to take this- it’s Syd” he clicked the answer button and held the phone up to his ear, since we were so close I could hear exactly what was being said. 

Carm? Hey.. uhh- ok so d’you know that like cater order that was placed yesterday on ubereats? 

She sounded very nervous. 

“Yeah- everything is prepped and set, all we had to do was warm it up. It should've been gone 45 minutes ago. What’s wrong” he demands. 

So like- I went on the tablet to check on it like to- to double check everything while it was heating up and I realized that it said it was canceled? And so.. so I was like that’s not right and I called the customer and asked if she canceled it and she got so so pissed like she starts screaming saying how this is for a business conference a-and I can’t.. I can’t get ahold of the people at Uber- I’m fucking up- I’m fucking it all up Carmen. 

He closes his eyes as she rambles on, taking a deep breath and rubbing over his face roughly as he thinks. “I’m on my way back, go in the fuckin’ office and take a breather. Someone fucked up but it wasn’t you.” I got off of his lap and smooth down my hair quickly, gathering the trash to throw away while he finished the conversation. “I’m sorry baby” he told me when he hung up. 

I shake my head slightly “No! No need to be sorry babe- Go be the boss, Syd needs you, are you coming over tonight?” I asked hopefully and he smiled slightly, putting his phone in his pocket “I can if that’s what Persephone wants” he teased and I rolled my eyes with a smile, walking up and wrapping my arms around his middle. 

“Well I guess it’s settled then, I was afraid she was gonna wake up the baby a few doors down” I giggle and he chuckled a bit, leaning down and kissing my lips sweetly. “I’ll be in around 12 or 1 cause a’this, that alright?” He asked and I nodded. “See you then, good luck” I said and he kissed my forehead sweetly before heading back to The Bear.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

[phantom-dc]

Dad Hood - part 7

It’s been a few days since Jason brought Tim some of Danny’s hair. He’d checked on Tim’s coffee stash and agreed with Alfred.

‘Goddamn, Tim! I said you could hide your coffee in that safehouse, not fill it!’

Oh well, it would be worth it. In those few days he’d been waiting, Danny’s list of powers had only grown. He took another look at his notebook:

Invisibility

Cryokinesis

Flight

Soul-pulling-out-powers???

Destructive scream

Lasers

Super strength

(Flying) Superspeed

Photokineses

Shields

Jason was getting worried. Thank god Tim was done with his research. He was confused as to why Tim insisted on meeting him instead of just sending him the list of people Danny was made up off. Jason did NOT want to think that the list was so big Tim wanted to give it himself.

Thank goodness Tim landed on the roof. Jason didn’t think he could wait any longer. Before Jason could say anything, Tim cut him off.

‘You have some explaining to do.’

Jason rolled his eyes. ‘I already told you, RR. I’m investigating a possible Respawn clone. Do you have the list I asked for? I need to kno-‘

‘Oh, don’t start with that bullshit. I know you’re lying!’

Jason was confused. ‘What? Why do you think I’m lying? Do you have the results or not?’

Tim looks angry. ‘Hood, you know full well there’s only 2 people on that list.’

Jason gets annoyed at Tim’s attitude: ‘Fine, so it’s Slade and who? Killer Frost? Superman? Give me details, man!’

‘It’s not Slade. It matches partially with Talia and you.’

Jason’s blood goes cold. ‘Tim, what do you mean?’

Tim rolls his eyes. ‘Look man, if you have a kid that’s one thing. But if you needed a paternity test you could’ve-‘

Jason grabs Tim by the arms. ‘TIM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN: MY KID!?!’

Tim finally realizes Jason honestly has no clue. ‘Wait, you didn’t know?’

‘NO, TIM! I DIDN’T! WTF YOU MEAN HE’S MY KID!?!’

Tim shakes Jason off. ‘Ok, easy man! Calm down! Deep breaths!’

Jason slumps down. Tim takes pity on him.

‘Ok, let’s take a step back, J. I need to know where you got this sample.’

Jason looks at him, and motions for Tim to follow him. As he climbs through Jason’s window, he wonders why they’re there.

‘So, did you have some files you wanted to show me, or-‘

‘INTRUDER ALERT!’

Tim is tackled from the side, sending him into the couch.

‘OH MY GOD!’

Tim tries to wrangle the kid off, but he can’t get a grip.

‘Get off me!’

Jason comes over and picks Danny up.

‘Jason! There’s a stranger here!’

Jason ruffles Danny’s hair.

‘Good job, kiddo. Never trust strangers that climb through your windows. But you can calm down. This is my brother, Red Robin.’

Danny tilts his head sideways. ‘Yum?’

Jason laughs. ‘No, not that Red Robin!’

Pulling Tim up, he introduced him.

‘RR, this is Danny, my… kid.’

Tim sees Jason having some more panic, and takes over. Kneeling down he talks to Danny.

‘Hi Danny! You’re a friend of Jason, right? You can call me Tim!’

Danny is hiding behind Jason’s leg. Tim says Jason asked him some help in figuring out where Danny came from. Danny becomes curious.

‘Did you find out?’

Jason picks Danny of the ground, so he’s on eye level with Tim.

‘Well, no. But I did find out something interesting? Turns out, Jason’s your daddy! Did you know that?’

Danny looks at Jason, and he looks amazed.

‘You are? That’s awesome! I always wanted to meet you!’

This surprises Jason. ‘Wait, you knew that I was your dad?’

Danny shakes his head.

‘No, not that. But mom and dad always said I wasn’t their bo…bia…’

Tim helps out: ‘Their biological child?’

Danny nods. ‘Yeah! So I was wondering who my mommy and daddy are!’

Jason is very tired and needs sleep, so he decides to cut this short.

‘It’s great to find out, but it’s very late. How about we go to sleep now, and tomorrow we’ll celebrate with cake?’

Danny cheers. ‘YAY, CAKE! Goodnight Daddy!’

He climbs out of Jason’s arms and goes to bed, wanting to sleep so he can get cake quicker. Jason head is spinning from being called daddy so quickly. Tim just looks at Jason.

‘You need to tell me everything. NOW.’

First - Previous - Next - AO3

[devondespresso]

i was reading a scoops era steddie au where eddie visits scoops often and one thing i noticed i alway want but have yet to see (bear in mind my fic pallette is basically just shit i see on Tumblr and occasionally reading every fic a certain author has written) is a specific scene of eddie noticing stobins missing when he goes to visit them at scoops the day theyre stuck in the bunker. cause they entered the bunker after a shift one night and didn't get out until at the soonest the next afternoon right before the mall closes so if either or both of them were scheduled to work then they'd be just... gone.

and how characters around them handle that depends on how soon (if at all) they're declared missing. did robin think they'd be in-and-out in their snooping and tell her parents shes be back a little late or did she think they'd be out kinda late fucking around and just lied to her parents telling them shes sleeping over at a friend's like how we know tina was going to cover for erica? did mrs Henderson freak out when Dustin didn't bike back home (knowing what happened with will) or did she know he was with steve and trusted that they were goofing off or something?

and usually i see Steve's parents not being home but what if they were?? they could panic because steve always has some sort of excuse for why hes gone or maybe just his mom starts worrying because while his dad never really asks about him she does and she knows hes probably not at some girls house right now because he at least would have told her. or maybe mrs harrington doesn't know her son as well as she thinks she does and assumes he is out at some girls house and is relieved hes finally getting to be more like himself.

maybe just one or two people in scoops troop are reported missing that night and maybe the search started for them is enough for the other's parents or friends to realize they're all missing. maybe none of them are because they each already had a coverup with the people who'd notice. maybe they spent a good few hours in that elevator regretting lying about where they'd be because now no one knows they're in danger and by the time they start looking it could be too late (obviously erica didn't seem to grasp this yet but shes literally 10 and it's definitely her fist severely traumatic life or death experience. for the others tho it could definitely be on their minds and i have seen a few fics where robin wonders about how steve and Dustin are reacting like they've done scary shit like this before together)

then morning comes and id give it until lunch with no calls or anything before parents who believed their kids were sleeping over to start worrying seriously. maybe they call the friend their child's supposedly with and get a confused parent saying they haven't seen them or maybe they get the friend picking up and confirming they're fine (like tina). but if Mrs Henderson gets worried and calls steve she'll either get the harringtons saying he isn't home right now or she won't be able to reach him. and knowing steves like a big brother and a best friend to dustin knows that if steve missing too he's probably at least missing with him and goes to the station worried about them both

and then theres the fact that scoops has to open in the morning, probably sometime around 10am. maybe steve and robin were scheduled to both work again and as 10am comes and passes scoops ahoy hasn't been touched. maybe some mall manager calls the scoops manager (forgive me ive never worked in a mall but i do work in a store-within-a-store and we have our own manager plus the big store manager) and asks where their employees are. if missing persons reports were filed that last night then the manager would be really worried while frantically trying to find someone to cover for them. but maybe no one knows they're missing yet and their manager is grumbling about their no-shows, maybe considering firing them for both disappearing without even calling out. depending on how much they know and if the reports were filed, whoever has to cover their shifts is either worried about their coworkers (probably moreso robin than steve because of his reputation) or utterly pissed that they both didn't show and they have to open scoops ahoy with a few hours delay and probably a good few karens bitching about being closed. or maybe one or the other was scheduled and while their no-show is really inconvenient at least someone's there to open and ask for backup

and then theres steves car still parked in the back where it was the day before. a bike left behind at the mall is less eyebrow-raising but a fancy car? Steve Harrington's car? Steve Harrington who was scheduled to work today but somehow isn't in scoops right now? is he skipping work while simultaneously wandering around his workplace? and whats worse is despite evidence being there *no one can find him*. maybe thats what it takes for people to realize hes like actually missing. maybe they think he was kidnapped, hopefully he just went home with some girl and lost track of time.

and then theres eddie. eddie whos been stopping by scoops for a while now. maybe he still doesn't really like Harrington but likes teasing him with Buckley or maybe they've gotten pretty close. maybe they're already dating. maybe eddie walks up to scoops one morning to find it closed or to find that one or the other didn't show up for work this morning. maybe he hears from the worker that ones missing or maybe they get a rant about how pissed the worker is to be opening alone. maybe he's the one to go to a mall manager or security officer worried about scoops being closed because he *knows* the people that are supposed to be there right now and they don't just abandon work at the same time with no explanations.

or maybe eddie visits in the afternoons and learns they're missing from their coworkers or maybe hes there because he saw it on the news and went on his our hunt. either way it'd probably end with Eddie looking around the mall for them because he knows steve isn't going to just abandon his beemer in a busy public parking lot. maybe he finds them high out of their minds while checking the movie theatre (this one i do see a lot and am obsessed with its so good) or maybe he doesn't find them at all (its a big mall and they are actively hiding from Russians who know they escaped. sure stobin are not being very secretive while high but dustin and erica are at least keeping them in less-discoverable locations). maybe he goes home knowing hes looked everywhere in that damn mall and assumes they're probably kidnapped and taken somewhere else (if he did find them tho that opens a whole can of worms for if, how, and how much eddie gets involved and while my brains gone down sone of those rabbit holes i don't think i will today)

and then they see the news about the mall fire. and eddie knows damn well that he looked everywhere in that mall but didn't see a trace of his friends but there they are on the news and apparently in the fire. maybe eddie assumes he didn't look hard enough. but maybe he sees how steves the only one with more than a few bruises on his legs, how despite them claiming he was trapped in rumble that also allegedly killed billy hargrove he looks like hes carrying himself on adrenaline alone and hovering around robin and the kids like something more than falling support beams could get to them. maybe its the fact that he look as shit as he did but wasn't laying down on a hospital stretcher like he would be if he just got those wounds.

_._._._

hi if you saw any typos no you didn't UNLESS theyre funny or actually concerning then you should tell me and i can react appropriately

also i swear i feel like doctor strange looking through every possible reality when i go on tangents like this. idk whenever i come up with little fics in my head or come up with different ways my favorite unfinished fics could end im always exploring as many different versions of the same scenario as i can and coming up with as many what-ifs as i can.

also i pressed the poll button by accident while making this and idk how to make it go away to we're trying just ignoring it and not writing anything in it to see if it goes away

actually fuck that it probably wont work so im adding a poll question as a treat for the people who read this far

[conniesanchor]

graham lansing x fem!reader

summary: you were helping graham study for his ap phycology test and you fell asleep... in his bed.

graham was sitting in the rolly chair next to his bed. he was shooting crumbled up pieces of paper into a trashcan. "memory for automatic activities, such as bike riding and handwriting, is known as what?" you asked him from your position on his bed.

he thought about it for a moment, looking off into space. "semantic memory?" he answered but it was more of a question. it looked as if a light bulb went off in his head, "wait, no! procedural." he looked over at you with a big smile on his face, waiting for you to confirm his answer.

you laughed, "that is correct."

he threw one last paper ball before throwing his head back and sighing. "look, y/n. if i spend one more minute talking about ap phycology i might just die. so, its my turn to ask you a question." graham spoke but looked over at you first as a way of asking for permission. when you nodded in his direction he smiled, "where do you feel safest?" he questioned, tilting his head a bit.

you thought about it for a minute, and you wanted to say with him. instead, you said "my bedroom. where do you feel safest?"

he rolled his eyes, "nuh-uh. you've asked me enough questions. why are you so quiet all the time?" he asked you.

before you answered, you repositioned yourself with your head lying up against his pillow, and your socked feet on top of his covers. "i don't have much to say." you mumbled.

"see, that is a lie. when you're around me, you never stop talking." he spoke, rolling his eyes playfully.

"oh, im so sorry im so annoying." you mocked, your eyes fluttering open and closed. the sleepiness slowly taking over your body. the next questions he asked you were all a blur, you weren't even entirely sure that you had answered him. after a few minutes, you were fully asleep.

•••

you woke up slowly. you had slept better than you had in a while. then it hit you. you fell asleep in graham lansings bed. panic coursed through your veins as you practically jumped out of bed.

graham walked out of the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom, "im sorry, did i wake you up?" he questioned, concern lacing his tone. when he noticed your distressed look he walked over to you, "hey? y/n? you okay?" he asked.

"im sorry, i didn't mean to fall asleep. i just- im sorry- did we?" the words all rushed out.

"woah, hey. it's okay. i already texted your mom and told her you were okay and that you had just fallen asleep. you're good. just relax. and, dont worry. i slept on the couch. believe if he did, you would know." he chuckled, but you also knew that there was seriousness to his voice. "we still have a little over an hour before school, go take a shower and then we can swing by your house to grab some clothes."

you nodded in response, a smile on your face. when you went to go into his bathroom he mumbled "and y/n?" you looked back, "thank you... for.. helping he study."

a/n: no one has written for graham and it is CRIMINAL. i don't like this but i wanted you guys fed because no one else is doing it.

[lookismfanfics]

𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞

Jake Kim Fic.

Notes: I will give you no warnings and I fully expect you all to question my mental stability. (Y/N) is AFAB

Something was different about Jake’s mornings now. He had a new mattress, set an alarm, and did live in a small apartment. That’s not what he meant though. It was a different feeling. A sudden jolt in his stomach and a slight panic whenever he awoke. It only lasted a few seconds before he returned to his numb state of consciousness. A sight panic. It wasn’t immediate… in fact a few minutes into his morning routine always passed before he felt it. Suddenly he’s come to the realization that he was alone, but not completely.

He wasn’t used to waking up, glancing over his shoulder, and discovering a warm bundle of… a person… laying beside him. It still weighed on him. He wasn’t looking after just himself anymore. He had bigger responsibilities than just Big Deal. He’d avoid it like the plague at first. Slip out of bed as quietly as he could. His feet heavily padding against the floor as he stumbled into the kitchen. Make breakfast, style his hair, get dressed, and then wake the kid. That was the routine.

Jake would help him into his high chair. A high chair Jake hadn’t bought and still struggled to use. He fumbled with the bib, but eventually the kid had it on and he could give him whatever breakfast there was. He knew, deep down, helping a toddler wasn’t that hard. Especially when he was sleepy still. Jerry could strap him into that high chair in a heartbeat. Somehow Jake couldn’t. Everyone else seemed more capable of caring for the little tyke except for Jake. And he wasn’t sure how to feel about that, especially since the kid lived with him. Even if the kid didn’t have much stuff to begin with, Jake was happy some items around the house gave him comfort. Items lying around that normally only added to the clutter.

Samuels old jacket; Golden Age pictures; Samuel’s old cigarettes; magazines of women’s clothes; some of Jake’s cologne. The kid loved those things, and Jake knew why. He missed the kid’s dad, too.

Strapping the kid into the car was difficult, too. Jakes fingers fumbled with the baby-seat-straps. Sinu’s car held a lot of memories, especially in the back seat. It smelled of cigarettes back there. Just a little though. Stale cigarettes- Jake didn’t smoke. “Smells like daddy.” “Yeah, it does,” Jake smiles.

Jake smiles a lot for the kid. The kid does make him smile… naturally. Jake walks around, feeling numb and hollow. He goes through the motions. He leaves the kid with the ladies of Big Deal street, and naturally that lifts some weight off his shoulders. There’s only one downside. “Jake! Today we was… folding clothes. And they said ‘just like… yer mama!’ And I said ‘yes!’” The kid slurs his words together before waddling up to Jake and wrapping his chubby arms around Jake’s legs. “Mama mama…”

Another thing that leaves Jake feeling empty, maybe even confused. He never fuels the topic. On the ride home he’ll listen to the jumbled, mumbled words of the toddler, nodding and smiling, giving soft “wow”s in reply. The baby mentions his dad and Jake stops smiling. The baby mentions his mom and Jake asks him to be quiet for a minute. Politely of course. The kid stares out the window.

Jake could ghost the hallways of his apartment for hours. He can spend the rest of eternity clawing for some warmth and wondering why he feels so lonely. He could dodge phone calls for months, not speak to anyone for years, stay by himself for as long as he needs until he’s healed. In reality, he can’t do any of that. Not when he crawls into bed at midnight, then turns in the covers to see the kid already in there. Warm little guy, wearing his pajamas already, pudgy cheeks smushed into the pillows. Jake can’t process anything when he’s a godfather. He didn’t even know it until the parents were gone. He wishes he could hear Samuel’s bitter voice asking, gruffly, reluctantly, if Jake would accept the position. Jake would have said yes. He would’ve done anything for him, especially if it would’ve filled this void of confusion and emptiness he feels right now. When did Samuel ever decide he still trusted Jake? When had he ever agreed to (Y/N)’s insistent arguments? Jake wanted to know so badly. He wanted to hear their voices, in person, asking him. Telling him. He wanted to feel their presence. They didn’t have to touch him… he just wanted to feel that they were really there. Something, anything, because Jake was goddamn lonely. He felt so sick; so empty; so horrible. How could he be expected to heal? How could he move on. How… when that little Samuel lay beside him in bed? How… when that miniature (Y/N) tried his hardest to please him, tried his hardest to make Jake smile.

How was Jake supposed to heal, when instead of the kid wailing about missing his parents, it’s the godfather sobbing into his pillow in the middle of the night. How can he teach the kid to walk on his own, when Jake himself can hardly crawl? Jake doesn’t want to participate in this kid’s life when all it seems to do is drain his own. When did he become such a pity-party? When did Jake Kim become such a sour wuss? Maybe it was the moment his hands went numb. His body tingled and his stomach dropped. His mind shut off. But he was crying. He was crying a lot. The moment when everyone froze… everyone panicked, because their boss was crying.

Jake didn’t want to be alone in this apartment. He didn’t want to have to wake up, eat some breakfast, and then realize he had to make another serving for someone else’s kid. He didn’t want to sit in silent solace, waiting for some form of comfort to come to him. He didn’t want to be alone. He wished he wasn’t so adept at hiding his emotions. He wanted help. He wanted Jerry’s help… maybe; or else Lua’s help. Or maybe he wanted a long talk with Jason or Lineman. Maybe he just wanted to sit quietly with Brad. It all sounded so nice. Nostalgic. The only activity that actually excited him… made him feel warm inside… was being with Sinu. But not just Sinu. Of course, Jake wished for the impossible. He would kill to stand, just the three of them on the pier. Sinu, Samuel, and Jake.

He wanted to hug (Y/N) again. He wanted to feel their touch, smell their hair, listen to their voice. He loved (Y/N). The way they laughed, the way they whispered. The way they confided in Jake about everything. About Samuel… about being pregnant.

Jake wanted Sammy. He had stopped using the nickname in his head… but he realized that it was the only name that felt right.

Jake didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt the teardrops on his pillow. He felt two little hands shaking him. He heard a trembling voice. “Jake…” Iseul sniffled. (Y/N) had picked the name out. Jake loved it. He sat upright, wiping away at his tears hastily. It was hard to get toddlers to stop crying… he had no idea how the kid would react to seeing him cry.

”Y-Yeah, what is it buddy?” Jake wipes his nose and smiles serenely. Like plastic. Iseul crawls into Jake’s lap, lighter than expected. His head leans against Jake’s chest and the kid’s little hands attempt to grip onto his shoulders. “Please don’t cry… please. I’m sorry I make you cry.”

“You don’t make me cry,” Jake assures, his brows shooting upward in surprise. “I was just feeling a little… it’s nothing kiddo.”

Jake is a bad parent. He’s a bad parent to Samuel’s kid. In his head he knows he could do better, yet his body doesn’t seem able to function like a proper parent. “Yeah I do…” Iseul nods, his face rubbing up and down on Jake’s sleeping shirt. “Cuz I look like daddy.”

Jake feels his throat tightening. “Yeah you do.” His voice feels hoarse. Lips trembling, he plants a soft kiss against the kid’s head. A miniature best friend. The person Jake has been craving for. He smooths back Iseul’s dark head of hair. If they styled it a bit he’s look exactly like his dad.

“I miss my mommy and daddy.” Jake feels wet droplets on his shirt. He has to close his eyes to steady his breathing, not at all prepared for this conversation.

Tiny, pudgy hands form fists. Iseul pounds his hands against Jake’s chest, screaming and begging to have his parents back. His little body shakes as he demands for his parents. A feeble voice shouts for them back, and Jake can’t answer.

This goes on for a couple minutes. Jake forgot to breathe. He didn’t realize all his replies were muddled by his own sobs.

The kid calms down, eyes red and bloodshot and tiny body heaving for air. Jake wraps his arms around Iseul tighter. “Iseul I’m so sorry… that I can’t do anything about that. Really. If I could I would bring your parents back. But they’re de… they’re d-” he pauses for a few seconds.

“Your parents are gone. And I know neither of us are really yet but… I’m as good of a dad as you’re gonna get.” He apologizes in his head if he sucks at it.

The kid sleeps. Jake does too. Tired from crying, tired from hiding his feelings. He doesn’t feel ready to move on. But… he’s got a kid now.

Sorry

[turtlesocksv2]

Liveblogging DFF episode 9

last time we checked in, Non was having just the Worst Time Possible, everyone was trying to cover their asses and Phi was entering into Murder/Detective Mode.

i know i've said it before but god the opening credits are SO GOOD. i don't think we appreciate them enough.

We're back in the present day! it's been so long! Tan is fucking brave to fight Fluke for the gun.

IT'S WHITE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR TRIPOD! BAH GOD THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY! love you white you're doing amazing sweetie.

...there was just a water bottle there at the shrine? and it looked opened? are you actually going to drink that? at least you smelled it first??? Ahhhh but notice Phi doesn't drink it! he lets Jin drink it but doesn't do it himself! my sus king.

"Why are you being so nice to me" i mean, dude is at least nominally your friend and you dislocated your shoulder or whatever and there's a killer out there after you guys? i think that'd be cause enough for Phi to be nice lmao. I get it though, Jin, i get it.

Aha, so we've got some timeline stuff. PhiJin absolutely happened POST PhiNon, which i had seen some intriguing theories that maybe PhiJin was actually first but this is confirmation otherwise. also that Jin very much had feelings for Phi but Phi was the one pushing the friends agenda, which we mostly knew.

Jin on that "you like Tan!" shit again, no wonder Phi didn't want to be in a relationship with your insecure self lmao. Tan is just his Bestie who helps with his Plucky Girl Detectiving, no big deal.

Once again, Jin sees things that Phi doesn't. shortly after the water. Hallucinogen maybe? guilty conscience definitely.

well that's one way to snap him out of the panic

slight detour inspired by the blood splatter everywhere in this shrine is that if the Janta Cult isn't real/doesn't play a part in this somehow, I'm going to be so upset. why bring up perfectly good murder cults if you're not going to give us the payoff? BOC? Dr Sammon I just have questions! (that said, the theory that the mafia is using the cult rumors as a front for a body dumping ground is intriguing.)

Oh ho, Phi's gonna confess everything to Jin! but will it really be everything? 👀

poor Phi is so conflicted. he's hurt, but he loves Non but he doesn't want to see him but he doesn't want to end up like his divorced parents, he can't stop thinking about it, he regrets what he said, but he still so hurt.

Non's dad got transferred. interesting.

Ooooh Phi found the picture! and the real script!

Non's mom knows Phi. I wonder if she knew they were boyfriends of if she thought they were just friends. lmao at her Ring The Doorbell You Shady Shit, Were You Raised In A Barn?

New contacting Phi as the news breaks...the drama. i love it.

Tan is New confirmed!

OOOF. major oof. "aren't you sad i'm going to England?" "Whether you're here or not doesn't make a difference" just ouch.

He may have been a Not Great brother in your life, Non, but in your death New/Tan is going to Get Answers and Get Justice! giving up a scholarship in England, lying to his parents about it...Tan is going to Fuck Shit Up.

Jin, get your 'there's a cute boy around!!!!" face under control.

Tan just dives right in to asking questions and these bitches are so fucking sus from the word 'go'. yeah, they clearly have something to do with Non disappearing.

lmao Jin does not stand a fucking chance against Phi's seduction.

i am dying at Tan's "You didn't study, dumbass" on his ankle. Top's face is Too Funny.

Aww, White waiting for Tee after school and the group roasting them is really cute.

Phi how dare you take Jin to your and Non's spot! so rude! can't trust men at all, the second you disappear he's taking another man to the place you became boyfriends.😂 Jin awkwardly trying to figure out of this means Phi likes him back is cute.

Why Jin, how bold! asking Phi to stay the night!

oh damn this is full on full on, okay. Ta's ass just out there bare. "don't worry, i won't be too harsh i don't want to dislocate your shoulder" "who fucks so hard they dislocate a shoulder?" somewhere else in Bangkok VegasPete's ears are burning. Anyway, Phi was like 'don't test me, i'm being gentle for YOUR sake.' and that's the Minor Family Theerapanyakul in Ta. i was absolutely waiting for that astronaut dog figurine to fall lmao.

Tan going for the kill with that Did You Cheat On My Brother. Tan i'm sorry but not only is your brother most likely dead but Phi and Non are actually very broken upright now, no matter how much Phi wishes neither of those were true. Phi is in the clear here re: Cheating. He is not in the clear for manipulating Jin into sleeping with him, but like, Jin's into it so whatever for now.

"Fuck him however much you want but don't fall in love. He's with those assholes so he's also an asshole" i mean! He's not wrong! Jin is a good looking nice boy he could absolutely find other friends. the fact that he stays with these fuckheads......

poor Non's parents.

these teenage boys have better skincare routines than I do and I'm

Jin just pass Phi a note in class: Do U Like Me Check Yes Or No

Ah, Jin has such bad timing. Everything about this is brutal. but lol this makes the 2nd boy in a row that Jin likes that doesn't like him back.

Tan doing chemistry shit. he's gonna be drugging everyone i just know it. also, never ever have your cellphone out in a lab and never answer it with your gloves on! Lab Safety 101!!!!

damn, Tan, you could have at least made up a part time job in england or something so that your parents didn't have to sell their house. this entire family's been ripped apart by all this shit.

and now Tan is alone. all he has is his investigation into Non and Phi his sort of brother-in-law.

oh shit, was it Tan's cigarette smoke that was causing hallucinations???! or are they the antidote to whatever Tan drugged the others with or both?

confirmation that Tan was drugging everyone!

lol Tan's face at he very end as he takes in the chaos

[lacyscabinet]

Can you do a nat x sister reader. Like the reader has a panic attack after a fight with their dad or something dramatic like that and big sister nat comforts them?

A/N: love this. I think big sis Nat is so cute and it's also a nice dynamic given her family situation. At first I was thinking about a headcanon but in the end I think that a one-shot fits this request wayyyyyy better. Hope u enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

Warnings: abusive parents, violence, panic attack

Sisters

Staying at home when Natalie wasn't there was one of your biggest fears, your father was unpredictable, one moment he could be watching TV in the living room getting drunk on cheap beer and the other he could be beating you up for walking too loudly.

Not that he would control himself when Nat was around, but usually, she had the strength to fight back, most of the time ending up worsening the situation, but still it felt safe to have her.

You were laying on your bed in your tiny bedroom when he stormed in, you instantly flinched and shot up from your resting position

"Hey honey, how was school?" He said, maybe, in another situation, in another household, it would've sounded like a question a caring father could ask his daughter.

You could smell the stench of alcohol even feet away from him.

"Good... I had a project" you answered, trying to close the conversation and make him go away

Instead, he stepped closer, wobbling slightly, "You weren't home yesterday when I came back"

You could feel a heated argument on the way, you felt scared.

"Yes...I was with my friends" you answered, extremely careful with your words

"Don't lie to me y/n" his tone starting to grow stern

You shook your head quickly "I'm not lying dad" you said calmly trying not to worsen the situation

He chuckled, but there wasn't any humor in his voice "You're just like your sister, lying, sneaking around, I bet you were somewhere with some boy, god, I was hoping at least one of my daughters wasn't going to turn out a slut, but guess what honey, you are just like your sister"

You could feel tears forming in your eyes, your hands starting to shake "No...I wasn't with any boy...and Nat, she's not..."

And before you could finish the sentence a sharp slap across your face caused you to lose your balance

"Are you talking back now!? Don't you dare talk back to me!" He spit at your face

"No... I..." you tried to defend yourself and his hand gripped at your wrist tightly, pulling you up from the floor

"Shut. the. fuck. Up." He yelled and slammed you against the wall, causing your head to hit the coat hanger.

Now that you were helpless on the floor, he started to kick, one, two, three, endless kicks.

Eventually he got tired and walked back to the living room, but not before shouting "If you keep sneaking around I WILL kill you Y/N"

You were left alone on the bedroom floor, with a bloody nose and a throbbing head, you let the tears stream freely now, big fat water drops falling down your cheeks and onto your wrinkled shirt.

Your hands were still shaking, and it only got worse, your breath becoming labored, knees riding up to your chest and your aching head nestled between your knees.

When Natalie got home your dad was gone and your mom was passed out on the couch, as soon as she got into the trailer she went straight to her room.

But when she passed your bedroom she heard your muffled cries and immediately opened the door

You were curled up on yourself, some stuff was scattered around your room and god, you were beat up

"Hey, what...what happened?" Nat asked, fearing the answer, making the big mistake of stepping closer and placing a hand on your trembling shoulder

At that you flinched and let out a terrified gasp.

"Okay, shhhhh... it's me, it's just me Y/N, me and no one else" she said slowly, not to startle you any further "can I hold you?"

You looked up, it was really just her, looking at you with concern.

You nodded and she softly pulled you in her arms, trying to shush your cries and cradling your shaking frame "It's okay, you're okay"

After a few minutes your sobs turned into soft sniffling, you rested your head on your sister's shoulder, then she broke the silence"Y/n what happened?" She asked, and after a few seconds she added "What did he do?"

You looked up at her "He got mad...and he just..." your eyes closed, trying to wipe away the memories.

She simply rubbed your back, feeling powerless.

There was nothing she could do to make things better and this was eating her inside.

That night she let you sleep in her bed to make you feel safe, trying to shield you from the harsh reality you were living in.

A/N: Dear anon, I hope this was enjoyable, for me this was one of the best requests I've gotten this far.

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

I wasn't gonna post anything until I get back from my vacation but I'm reading the prequel to "they both die at the end" and it prompted an idea of a little crossover sad fic with a tragic mcd ending and I'm gonna break my own heart with this one for sure 😂 (@thebravebitch said what I have so far is good and I trust her judgment lol ❤️)

so here's a little snippet I wrote on my phone bc I couldn't help myself and wait a few days 😂

______

His phone ringing wakes him up. At first he's confused, not registering it's his phone, since it's not even his ringtone. It takes him a few seconds to recognize it, and when he does, he looks at his phone and freezes, the words "DEATH-CAST" showing up as the caller ID.

He doesn't panic. When he answers the call, they'll tell him he's going to die in the next twenty four hours - or, twenty two hours, since it's after 2am already, they took their time to deliver this news. But he doesn't panic, he doesn't worry, he just freezes, and wonders if he should answer the call at all. After all, he's not even sure he believes in this whole damn thing.

One thing he does know is that no one will even try to convince him that he's going to die soon. They don't know shit.

*

It's not a new information that Eddie Diaz is what can be classified as a skeptic. He's not a believer in supernatural forces, magic, jinxes, ghosts, lately he even struggles with religion, despite his abuela's best efforts. Everyone in his life is aware of that.

So when this dude showed up out of nowhere claiming he can predict when people are gonna die, with no details or explanation, and give them one last day to sort out their affairs and say goodbye - Eddie called bullshit. He wasn't about to spend money on the off chance that they'll let him know when he's about to die. With being in the army, shot at every day, and even now with being a firefighter, he's aware of his own mortality more than your average person, he's already had more brushes with death than most people.

But he bought the subscription anyway, for his whole family. He had his parents, his abuela, his tía, and his wife trying to convince him, and they didn't succeed - he still thinks it's bullshit - but at least that got them to shut up about it. So, since then they spent thousands every year on subscribtions to this dumb service for himself, Shannon, and Christopher, and it was a waste of money, in Eddie's opinion.

And then, shortly after he moved to LA with his son, when he reconnected with his estranged wife, trying to see where this would go, but no matter what, his son was getting his mom back, and things were starting to look up again - Shannon got the call.

Eddie didn't belive it, but she did, and she decided to live this day like it's her last - which it ended up being, after all, but Eddie's still not sure if it wasn't some freak coincident.

That's what he's trying to tell her, when she's asking for a divorce that they don't have time to get finalized before he becomes a widower. She looks at him over the table in the little café they met, and there's nothing but peaceful acceptance, mixed with a bit of sorrowful regret for what she'll miss, in her eyes.

"Please make sure Christopher remembers I love him. I loved him, and I'll continue to love him from wherever we go after." she says with feeling, but at the same time she's almost casual about it. As if the prospect of dying within who knows how many hours wasn't a big deal. As if the only big deal is leaving her child once again, this time permanently.

Eddie can't take this. He won't believe this.

He still has trouble believing when he arrives on a call to a car accident later, and sees Shannon lying there on the street. Logically, he knows it makes sense, there's been a lot of people he's heard about who got the call and died, there's no reason not to believe it. But there's also not a lot of reasons to believe it, it might all just be a coincidence. Eddie's not about lose Shannon. Chris is not about to lose his mom. It's not fair. And he can't help blaming the stupid Death-Cast program.

____

No pressure tags (I'm on vacation and I'm barely on here so I really have no idea who already did it lmao) @panbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @jamietarts @shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @translasso @alyxmastershipper @silentxxsoul @mrevanbuckley @buck-tartt

[sharpen-jadescythe]

Sharpen goes home

Sharpen's mom: Why are you shirtless at the kitchen table? Are you shirtless all the time in that shiny dessert-themed guild of yours?

Sharpen: Yes, Mom. *chops vegetables*

Mom: And covered in glitter! You'd better wash up properly before supper.

Sharpen: Yes, Mom.

Sharpen's dad: How's your pet wolf Cuda doing, son? You feeding him properly?

Sharpen: Yes, Dad.

Dad: No doubt he gets enough exercise, following you and Matthias Shaw around on those secret SI-7 missions.

Mom: We're not supposed to talk about those!

Dad: Anything gruesome happen on your last mission, Sharpen?

Sharpen: Yes, Dad.

Dad: You wrestled a shark the last time! Any bad guys die on this one?

Sharpen: Yes, Dad.

Mom: Now boys! I don't like talk about killing while we're making dinner. This is family time. Dad makes the meal, Sharpen makes the salad, I set the table. We do not talk about death and craziness.

Sharpen: And what do all five of my sisters do? Nothing!

Mom: Nevermind them. You're my favorite little bean sprout. You do nice things around the house for Mom. *she pats his green hair* By the way Sharpen, have you met anyone nice, lately?

Sharpen: On my last mission. I guess.

Dad: Oh??

Mom: Finally!

Sharpen: ...

Dad: Hold on. Is that the guy you killed.

Sharpen: Well, we were sort of together first.

Mom: That's horrible! Wait, what do you mean 'sort of together?'

Dad: Don't ask those kinds of things...

Sharpen: It's not a big deal, Mom. We just ya know, hooked up. But then he turned on me and I had to harpoon him at the last minute.

Mom: Harpoon! What kind of nice man do you need to harpoon--

Dad: I wouldn't ask him anymore questions.

Mom: Where was this? What the heck was going on! What have you been getting into, Sharpen Raorin Jadescythe?!

Sharpen: Mom, please don't worry yourself like that. It was alright, Clayton was just a... well, a Drogbar. It's a lot to take down someone that big.

Dad: Don't ask him any more. Please, let the boy have some privacy.

Mom: Drogbar. What's a drogbar? What were you doing with a drogbar??

Sharpen: ... ...

Sharpen: They are a large race, they live underground. They have rock pets, snack on the occasional crystal. They aren't the monsters people say they are. Drogbar are strong, some are very noble, and surprisingly sensitive. Clayton happened to be a lying arsehole, that's all.

Dad: What the...

Mom: Monsters? My son is a monster-f***er??!! *traumatized*

Sharpen: Aaah! Don't call it that! I can't believe my own mother knows that word! *double traumatized*

Dad: That's a thing???? *triple traumatized*

Mom: Who or what do I pray to? To get my son saved from this depravity?

Dad: Well don't pray to Elune. Who knows what Sharpen'll do to her if she swings by the house.

Sharpen: DAD! Oh my goddess!!

Mom: *full panic* Sharpen, you keep Elune's name out of your filthy mouth!

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

How and when do you think the DCLA girls got their periods for the first time? (If you can come up with something for everyone)

I can try to come up with something for everyone. I'm bad especially at coming up with hcs for Bia characters but let's go!

Violetta girls:

Violetta: The only one I can see help her in that situation would be Angie, and ANGIE WASN'T AROUND. Either she had a good tutor at that time that could help her, or she was just... alone... having to deal with that. I imagine her being silent about it and Germán wondering what's wrong, and it's the start of him noticing how she tells him less and less as she grows older.

Francesca: I think for her it was pretty uneventful actually. Probably happened at home, nothing more to it.

Camila: She gives me the vibes of a girl lying about getting it before actually getting it, to sound cool. So when she actually got it, it was in school and she was like "help what do I do, I can't talk to anyone because everyone thinks I already got it"

Naty: She was really stressed and didn't dare to say anything, and tried to solve it herself without anyone knowing. Her mom eventually found out and confronted her, and Naty just cried. So her mom hugged her and told her it was ok.

Ludmila: She got it while visiting Diego and Diego was way better at helping her than her mom. He literally shoplifted pads for her. But when Priscila found out she basically scolded Ludmila for getting it "so late" (as if that was Ludmila's fault)

Soy Luna girls

Luna: Whenever it happened, she wore red shorts that day and did not notice. She noticed a red stain on a chair she sat on and was like "oh haha my shorts must've left color markings". Her mom immediately took her to the side and asked her about it, and Luna was like "What? It's my shorts? :D" Her mom asked her to please just go check. As Luna did, she came back and laughed awkwardly and were like "haha... uh so it wasn't my shorts?"

Ámbar: She was in shock and decided to not tell anyone and solve it all by herself. But Sharon finds out everything, and as she confronted Ámbar about it, Ámbar just cried in panic. She thought she was going to get yelled at, or anything like that. But Sharon started to pet her hair (the creepy way she did in S2), and told her to not cry, and that she was gonna go give her the things she needed. Ámbar did calm down a bit but she was still very much in shock.

Nina: It was pretty uneventful, but her mom seemed to make a bigger deal about it. So, Nina told her, and Ana was just trying to hide her excitement. She gave her a big hug and Nina was like "ok yeah thanks I guess". Ana went to tell Mora right away, and Mora the next day was like "Nina I heard what happened! Congrats!!" and Nina felt a bit awkward about her mom "telling everyone".

Jim: At a sleepover with Yam. They went to wash sheets in the middle of the night and then while staring at the washing machine, Yam was like "hey... omg... you got your period..." and Jim was like "omg... yes... I did..." and then they sort of both got super excited about it.

Yam: At school, and it was when not that many had gotten it yet, so it was a much bigger deal. Yam only told Jim, but someone else found out and all the girls in the grade were whispering about it. The next day, some of them went up to Yam and asked if it was true or if she was lying. Yam was like "it's true" and a girl legit was like "Can you prove it?". Yam, the awkward queen that she is, was like "... you want me to show you the blood or what...?"

Delfi: Delfi I feel too would be one of those people just lying about already having gotten it before she did just to be cool (side note, but why did we act like the one who got it early were "cooler and more mature" and the late ones were more "childish"?? We were all the same fucking age). Because she's a popular girl, she made a bigger deal about it, and then when she actually got it she was like "haha I TOTALLY know how to put on a pad... I just... do not have one on me because I... forgot them at home! Yeah!"

Jazmin: I think she was extremely unbothered by it, and she just dropped it like a casual quick comment. "By the way I got my period" "Wait, what-" "Bye!". That, or she made the fact that she got it her entire personality. There is no in between.

Bia girls:

Bia: Honestly, I am thinking of that episode where Bia felt dizzy and her mom just made her lay down comfortable and offered her something nice to eat (I think she did, I need to rewatch it). Nonetheless, Bia's first period was just very positive, her mom made sure to make her feel comfortable and guided her through it.

Chiara: I feel like she was one of the people who wanted to get her period and got upset she hadn't gotten it yet. So when she got it, she got super excited... only for the day after being like "hey this isn't fun at all".

Celeste: With her, I feel like she didn't think much of it, and she didn't even really tell her friends until they just got on that subject once. Her friends got super excited for her and she was like "it's just a period whatever"

Pixie: Oh she hated it. She never wanted to have it and felt a huge angst when she got it. She definitely went to get pills to not get a period very quickly after.

Daisy: Hm, I think she mostly saw it as an obstacle to her dancing. She was like "this sucks because I can't dance :(" and then someone told her that she could, in fact, still dance on her period and it all got better.

Mara: She was one of those girls who thought she'd get popular if she got her period, so when she got it, she went around to every girl in her class and told them. Everyone replied with "ok" or "I don't care" so that backfired.

Carmín: I think she genuinely felt awkward about it. With her, others found it intriguing to find out who got it, so when they found out they wanted to ask her about it and she was like "eh... I don't know..."

I only took the teenage/close to teenager characters now, no one older.

[banannabethchase]

Set the World Alight: Chapter 9 - also on AO3

~

Matt gets her appointment with her doctor about HRT, Nick gets mildly smothered by his big sister, and Matt and Mox have a very overdue conversation.

~

Note: I'm writing this fic in a much kinder world that we live in right now. Matt is given the opportunity to meet with a doctor relating to HRST, and it goes, well, better than most meetings go for most trans people. I'm giving Matt the medical experience she and all trans people deserve in this fic, which may not directly reflect the reality many people are facing. However, I'm putting this in the universe as a hopeful future for trans people.

Additional note: In this chapter, high schoolers in a committed, loving relationship discuss sex and their preferences! They are awkward and dorky about it.

~

Monday January  20th

Nick

Matt’s jittery the whole drive to school, and Nick worries about her the entire time. He catches Matt as she makes her way to the front office to sign out.

“It’s going to go great,” he insists to her. “You’re going to get your medicine and things are going to go well.”

“Maybe,” Matt says, frowning. “I mean, switching to HRT sometimes requires months, if not years, of consultation. They might want me to go through specific therapy for a few weeks.”

“You’ve been doing the virtual therapy though, right?” Nick asks. “Like, you told Marcia about this?”

Matt gives him the most annoying know-it-all look. “Nicky, if you think I didn’t start talking to Marcia about this back when I started seeing her freshman year, you’re stupid.”

“Hey!” Nick says, elbowing her in the ribs. “I’m trying to be supportive here. Just asking”

Matt nods. “I – I also showed them my journals.” Her smile goes a little hidden. “I don’t think I ever told you this, but I’ve been writing about being a girl for the past, like, three years. Apparently that helps them know I’m ready.”

“Look at you, being prepared,” Nick says. “For once in your life.”

Matt socks him in the arm. “I thought you were gonna be nice.”

“Nope!” Nick says grinning. “I’m the asshole brother. You should expect this by now.”

Matt huffs as she walks away, but she’s got a bit of a pep in her step that Nick hadn’t seen earlier.

He makes his way through school and practice, driving the car home carefully and also in a mild panic, but settles almost immediately when he walks in the house and realizes he’s the only one there. His mom is with Matt at her appointment, Dad is still at work, and Nick doesn’t have to listen to anyone talk for a few hours, at least.

He blares his music while he showers and dresses in pajamas with all the doors open, skipping his way through the rooms while singing poorly to Hot in Herre when no one can judge him. He tries to get some good selfies in the mirror – he’s finally getting something that looks like abs – and texts one to Adam with the message, is this a good shot?

Adam doesn’t reply for a while, and when he does he says, warn a dude before sending nudes fuck.

Nick ignores the butterflies he gets at the thought of what Adam may have looked like when he opened the text. it’s not nudes!!!!!

You are shirtless and your shorts are out of frame. It’s basically a nude!!!!!!

It’s 5:00 before he gets a text from Matt, when he’s lying on the couch watching college basketball without anyone interrupting him.

I have a prescription! I get HRT!

Nick sits up. He didn’t want to tell anyone, but he was scared and, honestly, pretty sure they were going to refuse to do anything for Matt. Ever since she’d come out to him, Nick had been secretly compiling research. Transphobic laws, cruel words thrown at people even more vulnerable than Matt, medical professionals who let their own opinions overtake logic. He has a file on the computer of safe states, of laws he’s afraid of, of people he knows in his life who will take care of Matt in any situation. There’s an email drafted to their Aunt Marilyn up in Massachusetts, just in case they had to get Matt out of there in an emergency.

But he didn’t need any of them.

He mutes the TV and calls. “Do you get to pick it up today?!”

“I do!” Matt says. Nick thinks he can see the smile on her face. “Mom and I are on the way – CVS is open until six so we should get there in time.”

Matt goes on to review the entire doctor’s appointment, in excruciating detail, but Nick’s not going to complain. She’s talking more quickly than Nick’s heard her in a long time, the excitement bleeding through every word, and he allows himself to relax his fears for her.

“I’m really happy for you, Matty,” he says. “This is awesome.”

“We’re at CVS,” she says. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Later,” Nick says. “And, um. Matty?”

“Yeah?”

“I really love you.” They don’t say it a lot, saving it for big events. And this feels like one of them.

“I love you too, baby brother,” Matt says.

~

Sunday February 3rd

Nick

Between games and a new semester and a sister whose hormonal shifts are causing some slightly intense crying jags that interrupt him in the middle of the night, Nick is exhausted. He pulls off the prior day’s Saturday game with mediocre attempts, but they still lose. His goal for all of Sunday is to just sleep.

He is not given that opportunity.

Based on the way the light angles in through the window, he can guess it’s probably around 11:30 in the morning when the door to his bedroom slams open.

“Nick!” Matt says. “Nick, I think I’m getting boobs!”

Nick rolls over. “Mm. Sleep. Goo’ job.”

“Nick!” Matt yells again, and she shakes his shoulder enough that Nick has no choice but to roll over. “Look!”

“I really don’t want to,” Nick mumbles.

“Not – gross, don’t be weird. I mean, like, in the shirt!”

Nick rolls over, opening his eyes with the knowledge he may regret it instantly. “Um.”

“Look!” Matt says. She’s bouncing on her toes, almost jumping. She pulls her shirt tight against her.

“Well, would you look at that,” Nick says. “You have the beginnings of boobs.” He thinks that the right answer. He doesn’t exactly see something, but he knows there’s something there because Matt’s excited, and he refuses to be the one to ruin her moment.

Matt spins around while making this high pitched scream, something weird and giddy and so Matt that it makes Nick want to shove his head into a pillow. “I’m a girl!”

“Boobs don’t make you a girl,” Nick grumbles into the pillow.

“You’re talking to a pillow, dumbass,” Matt singsongs.

Nick rolls over, glaring at Matt. “I’m trying to be supportive and you’re being a bitch.”

Matt grins. “I like when you call me a bitch. It’s better than when you’d call me an asshole. I like being called a bitch.”

Nick pushes himself up to sitting. “I can’t wait until you move into the garage office.”

Matt sighs. “Me either. It’s gonna be great. We’re almost done!” She bounces on her toes for a second then finally settles, looking at Nick with this hopeful little smile. “Anyway, you really mean it?” Nick gets a good look at her face, at the apprehensive excitement, at the hope in her eyes.

“I do,” Nick says. “And the shirt, like, works, you know? It makes it clear what you’re going for.” He frowns, wishing he knew how to help better. “Like that part around the – your ribs? It looks really girly.”

Matt rolls her eyes. “It’s called an empire waist, dumbass. It gives me a waist.”

“Yeah,” Nick says, squinting. “Sure. You look great. Can I go back to sleep now?”

Matt sighs. “Fine. Thanks, though. I feel pretty. Go back to sleep.”

“Trying to,” Nick grumbles. But Matt closes their bedroom door, and Nick falls back to sleep.

~

Matt

She half dances out the door when Mox says he’s in the driveway. “Guess what?”

“What?” Mox asks. “Hi, by the way.”

Matt vaults up into the truck and slides over to kiss Mox. “Guess what I have?”

Mox frowns. “Um. I don’t know?”

“I have boobs,” Matt says. She can’t contain her excitement, can’t be normal about it. “Look!”

“Are you about to flash me?”

Matt rolls her eyes as she unzips her coat. “No, dumbass. I’m just showing you.” She pulls the shirt taut. They’re not big or anything, but they’re there, and they’re hers.

Mox nods. “You got boobs.”

“I did!”

Mox’s grin goes a little dirty. “Can I see ‘em?”

“Not here, but, yeah, eventually.” Matt grins back. “Once I move into the garage apartment, I’ll think we’ll have a few more opportunities.” She winks.

Mox swallows hard. “Yeah. Right. Um.”

He’s a little twitchy during their date, through the movie, through dinner, but Matt thinks it’s because he can’t stop looking at her boobs. It’s charming, in a way, the way he keeps dragging his eyes away and whispering in her ear how pretty she was the whole time.

“What even was that movie about?” Mox asks. “Like, do we know? Did you get any of it?”

Matt giggles, weaving their fingers together. “Well, there were multiple dance competitions, and somebody kissed in the end. So I’m thinking somebody fell in love.”

Mox’s eyes flickers over to her. “Yeah? You do?”

Matt shrugs, “Maybe.” She swings their hands. She wants to say it. She thinks she feels it.

But all she can think of us what Cody expected when she said it last time.

Matt recounts as much of the movie as she can remember as Mox drives her home, talking about it as much as she can so she doesn’t accidentally say something else she can’t take back. She knows Mox is different – he’s proven it a million times – but she’s just not ready to say it. Not yet. Not after last time.

The first thing Matt notices as Mox pulls into the driveway is that all the cars are gone. “Well would you look at that,” she says. “Looks like we’re home alone. Want me to show you what my new room is going to look like?”

Mox nods. “Yeah!” He pauses. “That was too excited, wasn’t it.”

“No,” Matt says. She hops out of the trick. “It was cute. I like when you get all eager like that. It reminds me of a puppy.”

“Why does everybody say I’m like a puppy?” Mox says, following her to the door. She pushes the door connecting the breezeway to the garage. “So, there’s a little bathroom down here,” she gestures to the corner, “which will be mine. It’s already done. We have a little more work to do on the bedroom, but it’s almost done.”

Mox follows her up the stairs, and Matt can practically feel his eyes on her.

“And here,” she says, “I’m thinking I’ll put the bed over here, and put the -”

“I got into State with a full scholarship,” Mox blurts out at the top of the stairs.

Matt turns around. “What?! You did?!”

Mox nods, relaxing. “Oh, my god. Sorry. You’ve just been talking, like, so much today, about your boobs, and then it was the movie, and then you were talking about the movie, and I was, like, sure you weren’t going to stop talking. So I wanted to make sure I got a chance to say it.”

Matt runs at him and yanks him into her arms. She hugs him as tightly as she can. “I’m so proud of you,” she murmurs into his chest. She pulls back. “That’s amazing! Early admission really means early, doesn’t it.”

Mox nods, then kisses Matt’s forehead. She feels warm. Comfortable. Safe. “I, um. I wanted to tell you. Since I know you applied there, too, but regular admission.” He pauses, then his eyes widen. “Not to tell you to go there! I want you to go wherever works best for you! But, um,” He pauses again. “I – one of the reasons I like the school so much is they have a really great queer club. And they’re really good with their trans students – they discipline anyone who does anything transphobic with names or genders.”

Matt lets herself smile a little bit. “You looked that up for me?”

“Of course, baby,” Mox says. “I want to make sure anywhere you go you’re taken care of.”

Matt’s resolve crumbles. She launches herself at Mox, arms around his neck, and he stumbles backward into the wall across from the stairs. He makes a weird little noise as he grabs at her back, her hips, her ass. A hand slides up to her stomach and she grabs his hand to push it up her shirt. She’s on fire as his fingertips graze across the fabric of her bra. Matt’s head is spinning with it, and she’s hard already, and she wants, she wants, she –

“Hold on,” Mox pants, dropping his head back against the wall. “Wait, babe, we haven’t – we haven’t talked about this.” He steps to the side. “Fuck.” He giggles and looks at her. “God, I.” He exhales and squeezes his eyes shut, bouncing a little. “Sorry. Trying to – trying to get my shit together, you know.”

Matt nods, lightheaded herself. “I know.” But she can’t exactly fight the feeling of rejection. “Do – do you not want to?”

Mox’s eyes widen. “Do I not – oh my god, of course I want to! Jesus, Matt you’re…” He trails off and looks her up and down. He looks hungry. Matt shivers under his gaze. “But we need to talk about – about what – words. Words need to happen. I don’t want to do anything either of us regret.”

“Oh.” Matt lets it sink in. “Talk? Like what talking?” She wonders if Mox is about to give her the same speech Cody did. “Like, how it doesn’t count unless you’re, like, having real sex?”

“What?” Mox asks, looking befuddled. “No. We – what?! God, you sound like Seth’s brother. No, about what you want, and what I want, and what you don’t want, and what, like. What…ways? You want to have sex?” He winces. “I know you and Cody were together for a while, and that you guys broke up bad. But, um. Have you – done – things?”

Matt nods. “Yeah. Cody, uh. Cody said the only thing that counts is real sex. Like, hand jobs and blow jobs? Don’t count.”

Mox gets the weirdest, pinched look on his face. “He said what?”

Matt shrugs. “I don’t know. He said it wasn’t real unless,” Matt tries to recall the words she’d been blocking out for almost a year, “‘somebody’s dick was in somebody’s hole’.”

“Ew,” Mox says. “Jesus. What a douchebag.”

Matt shrugs. She knows that now. She didn’t back then. “Yeah. He, uh. Yeah.”

“How about this,” Mox says. “How about we – we’ll talk about this later, more, right? Because clearly Cody wasn’t – Cody was a dick. And I don’t want to do anything like that.”

Matt smiles at him. “If it helps, you aren’t like him at all. He never made me feel the way you do.” It’s close. But Matt’s still not all the way ready to say it.

Mox opens his arms and Matt walks into them. Cody never made her feel like this either. Cody never stopped them to talk. It’s strange. “I’m glad,” Mox says into her hair. “I never want to make you feel anything but – but loved.” He pulls back. “And I’m not saying this to do anything or get anything, okay? But I love you. I don’t need you to say it back. I just need you to know.”

Matt tears up. “You do?” she asks, heart racing.

Mox nods. “Damn it. Now I made you cry.”

“I’m always crying lately,” she squeaks. She presses her face back into Mox’s chest, feeling warm and soft and loved. “These are good tears.”

They’re downstairs tossing popcorn in each other’s mouths while Great British Bakeoff plays in the background when Nick slams the door open, singing some horrible song.

“Oh, hey!” he says. “You look like you’re in a good mood. What’s up?”

Matt blushes. “Nothing.”

“You two are such nerds,” he says, chucking his backpack in their direction. Mox bats it away, then catches popcorn in his mouth. “I bet you watched TV the whole stupid night, huh?”

“No!” Matt says. “We also saw a movie!”

Mox sends a little grin over to Matt, something quick that only she could see. “Catch,” Matt says, chucking a handful of popcorn at Nick’s face. He drops his basketball and his phone as he dives to catch three in his mouth. “Yes!” he yells through the popcorn.

“That’s, like, a 40% catch rate,” Mox scoffs. “Matty, baby, let’s show him how it’s done.”

Matt and Nick’s dad shows up about twenty minutes later, silent as he takes in the scene. Matt is covered in popcorn, as is the floor. Nick has created a structure using his hoodie to launch the popcorn into his mouth. And Mox is on the floor, catching some of the popcorn Nick is missing.

“What on earth are the three of you doing?” he asks. “I hope you all know you’re in charge of cleaning this up.”

“Dad, catch!” Nick yells.

It takes ten minutes before the three of them stop laughing at the popcorn that catches in his beard.

~

They're all so DOPEY and I want them to be happy forever. Except for Cody. This Cody sucks.

[xxxdrummysdaughterxxx]

i opened up. about everything (sorta). for the first time in years the other day

i was talking to an old friend about a tattoo i’m getting to cover old sh scars and i told him i was a fucking mess. and he asked me what happened that fucked me up. SO I TOLD HIM. only my husband and therapist ever knew anything about it.

i’ve decided to open up about it here… so be nice.

when i was 13, 2 weeks before starting my freshman year in august, i was raped. this ruined all of my future relationships. i said no, but it didn’t matter. i started cutting to help numb the pain. i told my friends it was consensual. it wasn’t.

i turned 14 in september and in october one of my best friends committed suicide. i was devastated. i stopped eating and developed an eating disorder and starting cutting more. i didn’t recognize myself anymore.

personal hygiene was nonexistent to me. i didn’t want attention, i didn’t want to be touched again. other kids complained (OBVIOUSLY.) so i took more time on hygiene-just enough to go to school.

a few months later i was assaulted on a school bus. i told my best friend and opened up about the first time and being raped. she told my mom. my mom called the school and I WAS BLAMED. i should have gotten help when it happened, i should have made it a big deal. i was on an elementary bus, with tiny humans. but i should have made a scene. it was never “he shouldn’t have done that to you. i’m so sorry”

i started taking pills on top of everything else. i just wanted an escape. i attempted suicide. i wanted it to end.

then i met the first boy i fell in love with. the boy who ruined me. i started acting out sexually since i couldn’t be invisible. we started sleeping together. it went on for 2 years.

i wasn’t getting better, i was just hiding. i wasn’t eating, i was cutting, i was smoking and taking pills. anything i could to escape, to feel nothing.

i pushed everyone away. i didn’t need help, i was fine! i could control it.

i never dated in high school because my trust was completely gone. i didn’t want to be alone with another boy. until i started dating my husband.

after we graduated, he left with the military for a few months. the best guy friends i had all 4 years had also turned their backs on me. whoever said guy friends are less drama fucking lied. so i started getting really good at hiding everything. i was working-i didn’t need to eat at home. i was getting high more and more, hardly ever sober.

when my grandfather died (october after i graduated. literally on the 4th anniversary of my best friends suicide) i realized i needed help. i wasn’t okay. i went into therapy. finally someone could help me!! wrong.

my mother (who thinks she knows everything) was called into a session where my dr diagnosed me with BPD. my moms exact words were “everyone’s borderline as a teenager” but i believed my mom!! i started lying to my therapist. to my family. to my boyfriend. I WAS FINE!

until i wasn’t fine.

i cut too deep one morning. i was fighting with my boyfriend over something stupid and told him i wasn’t okay. i was having a mental breakdown or panic attack or something.

when i was cutting i would black out. i couldn’t feel anything so i’d end up with a ton of cuts. i didn’t stop til i could feel it again. but this time was different. i wanted to die. in that moment i just wanted everything i was feeling for so long to just end.

i cut too deep. i sunk to my bathroom floor. i started passing out from the blood loss. something in me told me to stay awake. fix this. i tried calling my boyfriend (yes i married him, he’s better now) and told him i need to go to the hospital and he ignored me. he said he was busy. i was drifting in and out so i called my best friend and told her. she rushed to my house (this was like 730am) in her pajamas and spent the entire day with me, took me to the hospital to get stitches. helped me. that night my boyfriend called me and apologized. i could have died and he didn’t care. it took a long time for us to get better after this.

i didn’t get better until i was 19 and found out i was pregnant with my son. i started going back to therapy to keep us both alive. she explained what BPD was and it made so much sense. the self harm, manipulation, unstable relationships etc etc. everything i felt finally explained.

my son saved my life. had i not gotten pregnant with him, i’d probably be dead. i wouldn’t have him or my 2 amazing girls. i wouldn’t have fixed my relationship and been with him for almost 10 years.

after 14 years i am finally covering my past.