#<- literally literally. dean's purgatory prayer.

[gayangelcrimes]

Listening to some pearl jams and. Just Breathe. Destiel.

[bisexual-winchester]

If Purgatory isn’t where Dean and Cas realized they were in love THEN WHY WAS THEIR DIVORCE RECONCILIATION THERE???

[angelsdean]

dean doing his whole recently divorced routine in 15x06 by wandering around the home in his PJs and indulging in comfort food and sulking and talking to his ex on the phone while they're both so so annoyed but dean is also still worried for cas's safety while cas is doing what he does best, isolating and still trying to do the Right Thing and get some #wins bc he thinks that's what he needs to do but dean has never asked that of him. and he's so annoyed when he's called out for his avoidant behavior esp when it's not abt him and dean but actually chuck being back and also the knowledge that yea dean still cares about him and his safety even when they're both pissed at each other and isn't that the reason cas loves him in the first place, bc dean cares. about the whole world even!

and then in the next ep dean runs into an old ex and relives some highs only to realize that guy is a total foil to his (ex)-husband who he misses dearly and who cares and always tries to do the right thing even when it backfires and goes wrong and so after killing his old ex he returns home to where his husband has been looking after his brother and they stand on opposite sides of the room with the literal world between them (map table) and it's awkward but they both want to makeup so bad already (we can fix this / it's not broken / i'd rather have you / of course i wanted you to stay etc etc). but reaching out is Hard.

and then in the NEXT episode dean cuts his hand for a spell so they can go get couples therapy from rowena and then cas REACHES OUT to heal dean even tho they're still annoyed w/ each other and it's a first gesture and then rowena tells them to get their act together bc life is short and remember crowley my dear son crowley and then they go to purgatory and they bicker but at least they're talking and then cas is gone again and maybe dead and dean is like NO NO NO i can't lose him again and yea life is short and i need to tell you i need you to know OF COURSE I WANTED YOU TO STAY AND ANOTHER THING--(i love you) and cas is like i heard your prayer (don't say that or i'll die). anyway i love divorce arc. they both still care so so much and it's so obvious in everything they do

[babygirldilf]

I think that Dean and Cas' story is truly a love story. From beginning to end, we see endless little storylines and director choices and writing choices and actor choices, we see their bond builds and builds and breaks and builds again and they ultimately have some of the most epic quotes spoken to them or by them, their story to it's core is a story about love, and how It can change even the most heartless of beings. It is also a story of so many beautiful mergings, between heaven and earth, angel and human, we see two supposed opposite beings literally fall in love infinite times over while trying to save each other again and again, and in so many ways, not always good ways, but all in good intention.

An angel of the lord saves the righteous man from hell. This is where they start. And then he continues trying to explain to him why he deserves to be saved. Why he will do it time and time again. And so he does.

They go to purgatory together, and the whole time they are there their whole mission is trying to save one another, even if it meant sacrificing oneself, because the other one is too important for them to lose, to imagine a life without, to deprive them of continuing to live like they deserve.

They always tried to keep the other one safe and close, without knowing truly why that is what they wanted.

The angel rebelled for the human. He kept doing everything for him, and the human did everything for the angel, trusted him, made him his family, and taught him what family truly meant.

They were each other soulmates, which was confusing and took some time for the angel to comprehend since he never had a soul to begin with. Maybe the human made him grow a soul, even if only figuratively, but either way, he couldn't deny the truth once it set in; it was the love he had for this human that changed him, changed everything, the entire course of the universe.

So yeah, Castiel, Angel of the Lord, Celestial being of Heaven and the Divine, let his love change him. And he became other things, like Cas and Huggy Bear and Sunshine. He let the heaven in him fall in love with the earth and never came back to the heartless soulless being he once was. He loved now and was in love, and it was so much it was enough to make him happy.

And Dean loved Cas. He loved him a lot. He saw praying as begging but only prayed to Cas. Only begged Cas to see him and understand he needs him, because love is too big a word, or too small, or too hard to let out of his throat. He let himself be hurt by Cas both physically and emotionally because as much as Cas cared for him, there were times he did not know the best ways to show it. He trusted him time and time again and gave him the benefit of the doubt until he couldn't find it in him anymore to hold against his own anger and lost it. Lost his angel to his anger while he froze in place. But he woke up in time, and prayed again to his angel to come to him, to save himself, because he loved him, he loved him so much that he let his anger die and let himself cry for his love. And Cas came to him and heard his prayer, but not the love that was too scared to be set free.

And then it was time. It was time for Cas to save Dean one last time, and the only way he could do that was by confessing his love and being happy and then abruptly being taken away forever. And he shared it all, everything they never talked about so openly before but always fucking felt and knew was there. Because not only he always loved Dean, he always really saw him, saw it all, and knew it all, but understood better than anyone that this Righteous Man did everything for love and out of love. Cas not only fell in love with the earth or with a human but with the most human aspect of this world, which was love. Dean was love incarnate, and Cas was always in Awe of him

So they loved and loved and lost each other, and it hurt like hell to think they would never have their happy ending.

But Dean and Cas had a fan base. A full on Fandom of people who loved them truly and wanted them to have a happy ending. And the writers aren't the only ones who matter in this story. We changed them too.

In my eyes, and I'm sure that in many of yours as well, Dean and Cas are happy and alive. They are together and in love, like they have always wanted to be, like they deserved to be. And it is good, and sweet, and safe, and sound.

[indubioprocoffee]

“Cas? You there?” Dean whispered. He wasn’t alone, in purgatory you never were. He could feel all the monsters lurking, waiting to rip him apart and feast on his flesh.

But he needed this. He needed to hold on and speak to Cas. Because he was the one he was doing this for. So despite the danger he stopped and leaned against the tree, closing his eyes, being vulnerable. Because maybe this was the last chance he would get. Ever.

“Cas? I don’t know if you get this … if you’ve getting any of my prayers … But I need you to know. There’s things … people, feelings that I want to experience differently than before. Or maybe even for the first time.”

“I’m quite literally in this limbo and I can’t … I can’t do this anymore, Cas. I need you. I can’t do this without you.”

“There is no going back. But I also can’t go on. Believe me I’ve tried. I’ve tried not to feel this … I’ve tried not to be this lost. But I can’t help it. Cas, I can’t help but love you. Even in this godforsaken place. You hear that? I love you! Please let me find you. Don’t let me go.”

@wigglebox

[insomniacirl]

As someone who has just (as in literally like five minutes ago) finished the entirety of Supernatural for the first time ever and is currently completely emotionally wrecked and ruined-

I need to talk about The Love Confession in episode 18.

Because holy shit.

I mean holy shit.

You see the Destiel meme trending on Tumblr you think haha I can't wait to see this scene and cry over losing him and be upset over him saying his infamous 'I love you.'

But no.

No one readies you for the fact that if you DIDN'T watch the show as a Destiel fan.. you could not POSSIBLY escape this love confession scene either.

That shit swallows you whole like the Empty swallows Cas.

(FROM THE TRANSCRIPT, AND I QUOTE)

CASTIEL I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. (sad laugh as a tear rolls down his cheek) You changed me, Dean.

DEAN (quiet, resigned) Why does this sound like a goodbye?

CASTIEL Because it is.

Dean inhales, ready to argue, but Castiel confesses before he can.

CASTIEL I love you. (he smiles)

DEAN Don't do this, Cas.

"I know."

He knows Dean better than anyone else in the world. Sam knows his brother, but he can't see him the same way Cas can. He can't bring himself to.

Dean wants that agony. Needs anyone who loves him to see all of his fucked up, rotten self.

Castiel has seen his soul. Castiel saw him dark and bloodied in Hell and still, he raised him and marked his muddied soul with his pure touch.

"You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken."

He admits Dean's faults to him.

I see you for all of your darkness and I love you despite.

"And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not."

Dean's prayer to Cas in Purgatory.

Dean's greatest source of pain, the reason he hates himself so much.

'Daddy's blunt little instrument.' It's his father's anger. The anger that was taken out on children. On him and his little brother. The anger that he fought to protect his brother from all those years as they grew up.

"And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love."

Cas sees him.

Cas knows him.

Cas understands him.

Every time Dean defended Sam against Heaven, Hell, Lucifer and God and Death and every other being that wanted to hurt his little brother.

Every time he'd tell them 'No. That is not the boy I raised. I raised my little brother to help people. To love people. Not to destroy them. Never to destroy them.'

And every time Sam looked him in the eyes and proved him right, time and time again.

Fuck God, fuck Death- if they want his little brother? If they want the world he's lived to help? They'll have to go through him.

"That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know."

Cas looks at Dean and he sees the most caring man on Earth.

He sees all that sadness and all that fury, and all that grief and all that heartbreak- because Dean never stops caring. Not once. For every single person on Earth. In Heaven. In Hell. In Purgatory. Deserving or not, Dean will not stand by and feel nothing.

And Cas loves him for it.

Cas will die a happy man, just knowing he was loved by Dean Winchester.

Cas will die happy just knowing that he made Dean feel something, and that he has saved him. That he has changed him. He dies happy only after he makes Dean hear that he is loved. That all of it, everything he has ever done, has meant something to someone. To Cas.

And then...

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Don't let this be a goodbye.

Why are you letting me go like this?

Why are you letting go?

If you feel all of that, why are you still leaving?

And finally;

"I love you."

[jackexmachina]

thinking sastiel thoughts...

it's weird to me how so many people act like Cas ignoring (soulless!)Sam's prayers between s5 and s6 is this obvious sign he doesn't care about Sam. even though he tried to save Sam from the cage, and started a civil war so Sam's sacrifice wouldn't be for nothing

and then also turn around and act like Dean looking for him for a year in purgatory is sooo sweet?? as if Castiel wasn't deliberately ignoring him even while they are both trapped there. he literally didn't have anything better to do. he was not busy!

[queermania]

(last reblog made me realize something but i didn't want to add it to the post or in the tags because it's spoilery if you've only seen up to s8)

there are a lot of reasons why cas' confession is so unsatisfying to me but one of the reasons i haven't been able to articulate until now is that it kind of.... undoes everything that preceded it? cas gives voice to the thing we've all been watching play out for twelve years and that should feel like a win, it should feel like relief, because happiness isn't in the having, it's in the just being, it's in the just saying, right? but, in saying it, cas removed the being part of it from everything that happened prior. cas' speech made it feel like we haven't been watching two people who are in queer love and who are very much in a queer relationship.

instead, we've been watching a guy secretly pining for another guy who may or may not have secretly loved him back. and that... is not true to the story i've been watching unfold? that only works if i accept the premise that the writers and the actors and the directors and the crew and the editors weren't actually telling a queer love story to the best of their ability the whole time. and i don't accept that! they were telling the story!! it was on purpose!!!

like, the reason dean's confession-prayer in purgatory is satisfying is because it doesn't undo anything that came before it.

Cas? Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I-- Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know -- I know that it's -- i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just -- it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how -- how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. And -- and I-I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long -- I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm -- I'm so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. Okay.

this is dean reiterating everything we as an audience already know because we've already seen it (dean wants cas there and he regrets letting him go and there is nothing cas could do that would make dean actually give up on him). if you replace "best friend" with literally anything else that effectively means "romantic partner" this still works. it doesn't change it at all. this is dean and cas. this is destiel. this is the story i've been watching since lazarus rising. maybe even the pilot.

contrast that with 15x18, however:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it . . . I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean . . . I love you.

this is a different story. it changes everything. and, like, i think that was supposed to be the point, but unfortunately for me it is one of the reasons it doesn't work. why doesn't cas think he can have dean? is it simply because he thinks dean doesn't want him back?? is it because he thinks dean is straight?? like, the fact that i don't instinctively know the answer to that is a problem, and the reason i don't know the answer is because it doesn't jive with the show i've been watching for fifteen seasons. castiel's confession is the conclusion to a different show's run, one where they were actually queerbaiting the whole time and decided to throw the fans a bone at the very end.

but they weren't queerbaiting. they were writing textually queer characters with textually queer relationships.

and so a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he thinks dean's straight doesn't really work at any point in the show's timeline for me.

and a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he doesn't think dean loves him back in that way doesn't really work at any point past s12 for me, and even within s12 to be honest.

like, the narrative actively starts to fall apart in 13x01 if you don't take dean and cas being in love/in a relationship as a given, but even episodes like 12x10 and 12x19 imply something was already happening with them.

so. yeah.

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

(non spn watcher here) when did destial become a canon love story with writer intent? like was there more destiel-ness in the season leading up to the nov 5th confession?

Okay *cracks knuckles*.

First and foremost, I'm gonna tell you about my SPN history. I started watching SPN and got caught up with the show while s10 was airing and was watching live until the end of s12. I gave up specifically because Castiel's s11 plot proved to be just on the side of too miserable for me, and s12 didn't really make it any better (Cas dies at the end of that season). During this time, and until Nov 5th 2020, I was solidly on camp "Dean and Cas are never going to be canon just because of what SPN is fundamentally as a show, and even if they did, I cannot imagine a situation where it would be a good thing for Cas given SPN's track record on how they treat the angel."

When Nov 5th happened I was sucked back into the show. In preparation for the finale I watched all of s13-15 in the two weeks between the confession episode and the finale. Again, my perspective going into this endeavour was still very doubtful and pessimistic, specifically on the Dean side of the equation.

The beginning of s13 was a bit of a shock to me, honestly. It starts with what the fandom calls 'The Widower's Arc'. I think this was the arc that most solidly cements the feelings from Dean's side. It was so vehement in pointing out that Dean feels for Cas in a way so distinguished from how Sam does. In the very first episode of the season (so the first episode I watched after going back into SPN), Dean quietly wraps Cas' body with a curtain all by himself in a sunlit room. And I go Oh. Okay.

This vibe does wane after Cas comes back and regular SPN hijinks ensues. S14 actually ends with Dean and Cas fighting and Dean doing his usual Dean-isms. 15.03 is when that fight culminates: they break up and spend a couple episodes apart from each other.

15.09 The Trap features Dean and Cas in purgatory, and this was Truly An Episode. They bicker through-out the entire thing and are pretty pissed at one another, but then Cas gets taken, and Dean desperately prays to him, confesses his anger issues, forgives Cas and asks for forgiveness back. Later, they reunite, and Cas acknowledges that he heard everything Dean said.

This episode is so interesting to me because it culminates the Dean and Cas fight-separation-reconciliation plot of s15, and in doing so confirms it to be as important as it is. I cannot point enough that the plot reasons for the stuff happening in 15.09 is so pointless. They go to purgatory for a fetch quest for an item that can be interchangeable with literally anything else, specifically to put Dean and Cas back in purgatory (a meaningful place for them), have them be separated, and have the prayer happen. The whole point of the Dean and Cas portion of the episode is to do character work. We don't even see the scene where Cas finally gets the thing they're here to acquire in the first place. That's literally not the point. The point is Cas and Dean's story. S15 is the last season of a show with so many big things to wrap up, and they make it a point to have Dean and Cas go through a half-season arc that DOES occupy so much of the season and brings a new openness, vulnerability, and room for development into their relationship.

So yeah, before 15.18 there WAS very visible marks of the fact that Something was gonna happen. Interestingly enough all those marks were pretty dean-centric. I would say s4-10 destiel is the audience being inundated that Cas loves Dean. S11-15, ESPECIALLY 13-15 is so very much making it known that Dean loves Cas too.

On a related note, on Nov 21, 2020, a post is made here on tumblr claiming that around Dec 2016 (S12 was airing at this point), Warner Bros. conducted a market research about Supernatural, and from this person's experience, specifically about Dean and Cas and Dean's sexuality (link to a post that confirms the information in the post to be true). This market research was during the time leading up to s13, which I think does mark a big change in how the love between Dean and Cas started being framed by the show as something Dean both feels and is also aware of.

So, to answer your questions.

Was there more destiel-ness in the season leading up to the nov 5th confession? Yes.

When did destiel become a canon love story with writer intent? It became a canon love story by S15, but the writer intent to make it canon goes way back to s13 but probably even s12.

- Grey :))

[fanfic-corner]

do u have any fics that i wont have heard of? like ones with fewer hits so there harder to find

ooo this is a good one, anon! you haven't specified which fandom you're interested in, so I'll start with SPN and then do some other fandoms if people are interested :) and for the purposes of this, I'll be counting anything with under 5k hits as lesser known!

Lesser Known Destiel Fics

you're the one that i wanted to find by badritual (373)

The Castiel of old has fallen away like molted feathers, leaving behind a wholly new creation.

gay love pierced through the veil of death and saved the day by honeybee (444)

Cas doesn’t die. That’s literally it.

this is a good thing, dean. (prayer is a sign of faith) by cascountsdeansfreckles (529)

Dean’s legs still don’t want to move. He sits propped up against the wall and stares unseeing at the chair in the middle of the room. Everything that Cas said plays over and over in his head. The image of Cas looking devastatingly relieved, content, as he was taken from Dean won’t leave his mind.

He doesn’t know what else to do. So he prays.

1 Missed Call by glenien (597)

The buzzing never stops.

so it goes by K_K_TiBal (665)

Castiel returns one more time to retrieve something he left behind.

absurd in the best way by clasch (669)

Castiel tries to make a pie for Dean.

Bodily Communion by runsinthefamily (905)

Survival in Purgatory has some weird aspects.

may i feel said he by bk119 (1k)

a coda to 15.19. cas comes back, and words are said.

choices. by scoundrelhan (1.1k)

Castiel thinks he’s dying. Humans are always doing that.

you can have it, though by make_your_user_a_name (1.1k)

Jack was walking away and it was too late. It was too late because Dean didn’t think he would have to say anything. He thought Jack would bring it up and they would never have to know that he missed Cas so desperately it hurt. It hurt so goddamn bad.

And then Jack stopped and turned back to the Winchesters, his eyes focused on Dean. And that’s when it hit him. Jack knew. Jack knew what Cas had said. Jack knew Dean needed to say it or the second Cas was back everything would just go back to normal.

So he did.

“Bring him back.” His voice was low but it wasn’t threatening. It came out more broken than anything. Because he was so broken. And maybe it was okay to let them see it. “Bring Cas back, Jack. We,” he glanced at Sam and took a deep breath. “I need him.”

15x18 coda: it's in the being by contemplativepancakes (1.1k)

Blood splatters from a severed neck, the body twitching before it collapses to the floor. It sprays across Dean’s face, dotting red droplets over his cheeks and in his hair. Dean keeps his mouth shut so he doesn’t get the taste of copper stuck in it; he already can’t get Cas’s face out of his mind.

Dean knows this is the last place he should be, that with the world ending, it doesn’t really matter if there’s one less nest of vamps in the world, but if he stops moving, then he’ll… have to think.

“I wondered what my true happiness could even look like, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.”

Fuck, they wasted so much time.

15x19 coda: stripped of everything holy by contemplativepancakes (1.2k)

“About time we put you on the family tree, right?”

Jack sinks down in the chair across from him, contemplating. He puts the tip to the table and rests it there.

Jack glances up at him. “Why isn’t Cas’s name here?”

That’s a damn good question, Dean thinks. It’s because he was too much of a fucking coward. Dean’s still having trouble reconciling everything Cas said with the past ten years of his life. It seems like, maybe, if he thinks about it hard enough, he can see that Cas returned his feelings, but he still can’t believe Cas said all those things. He’s bullshit all the way through, but Cas… Cas hadn’t thought so.

Dean clears his throat. “We’ll add his next, huh?”

candles & wishes by harrow (1.2k)

Dean turned to Cas speculatively. “Do you have a birthday?”

Now Everything is Easy 'cause of You by chai_lattes (1.3k)

Cas never understood why humans were so fond of sleeping, but he was starting to. Dean chalked it up to knowing that they were finally safe, or Cas finally had a real bed, but Cas would just smile, quietly knowing the real difference was no longer having to sleep alone.

Cas reflects on being human, being happy, and being a morning person.

Chocolate, Caramel, and Zombies (Of a Metaphorical Sense) by TextReciprocation (1.4k)

Castiel approached the counter and looked at the menu contemplatively. The barista spun around to face him, eyes bright and hair untidy. He was roughly Castiel's height and build, with sandy hair and lightly tanned skin. Castiel's breath caught at the sight of him, but he bit his tongue, chastising himself.

Cute baristas were rarely gay and always taken. Castiel knew this. Fate, as it happened, was a cruel mistress.

Never Enough by make_your_user_a_name (1.5k)

It took him hours to notice it. He hadn’t felt it in the moment. Hadn’t felt the Cas’ hand stick slightly to his shoulder as it pushed him away, leaving him to face the Empty alone.

But now that he’d noticed it, it was all he could look at. That bright red handprint standing out starkly against his jacket. It was perfect, really. Not a drop out of place. Just a handprint and nothing else. That was all he had left.

The handprint where Castiel had “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.” And now he’d saved him one more time. Same shoulder, same placement, same sting when Dean looked at it.

It was poetic in the cruelest of ways. And if it weren’t for everything, he would have thought this was Chuck’s writing. But, no. Castiel was the only part of Chuck’s story that he couldn’t control. Because Cas had fallen.

how's hope feeling today by sleepinnude (1.5k)

After Cas is gone, bees start to follow Dean.

Sunrise by mattzerella_sticks (1.7k)

Dean and Sam were free. Finally, unequivocally, free.

But this wasn't the happy ending Dean had expected. Maybe in the past, having Sam in the passenger seat tearing across an open stretch of highway as the sunsets, it'd be what he wanted. But that was years ago. He's not that man anymore. Dean's tired of sunsets, of saying goodbye. He yearns for a different ending. One that's less of an ending, and more of a beginning. A sunrise instead of a sunset.

Sam has his. Dean lost his. Despite this setback, he won't stop. He'll live in memory of his sunrise.

Except, what can he do when he feels those rays on his face again?

Loving Castiel by dinluke (1.9k)

“How did you find me?” Dean asks. Castiel squints and looks at him like he’s the sun.

“Your, uh, yearning was pretty loud,” he says sheepishly.

Sleep Deprivation by Honey_Honey (2.3k)

Dean licked his lips. They tasted like honey. Which was funny, seeing as it was the one part of his breakfast he hadn’t eaten. In fact, Cas had tried the honey instead.

Oh. Oh fuck.

“Did I just kiss Cas?”

And Sam’s descent into uncontrollable laughter was an answer enough.

Walk Through Fire For You by purple_charlie (2.3k)

Boyfriend.

The word still feels foreign in Dean’s mouth, still brings back echoes of John Winchester’s thinly-veiled (if even that) homophobia. "Man up, don’t be a sissy, I didn’t raise a fairy". It’s a swollen blister in the back of Dean’s mind, throbbing with pain whenever a stranger’s eyes linger too long on Cas’ hand in his, whenever a waitress double-takes at how close they sit in diner booths.

But here, dirty dancing with Cas in a warehouse full of other queer folks, Dean wants to shout from the rooftops- I’m Dean Winchester, I drive the baddest car in town, I lift heavy things for a living, and this is my boyfriend.

Could Not Return You by tigersinlondon (2.8k)

Dean might have gotten over himself when it comes to sleeping with Cas (in the sex way, not the cuddles-and-snoring way), and even telling him that he loves him, but he’s not ready to do anything crazy like hold his hand in public, or admit aloud that they’re in a relationship in front of Sam, or God forbid, actually share a room, a bed, a living space with Cas.

Funny Bone by PallasPerilous (4.9k)

It wasn’t even a particularly creepy skeleton; it was in kind of a “just chillin’” pose on the floor. One ankle was still locked up in a heavy iron cuff, at the end of a short chain leading back to the wall. Snoresville, as dead stuff goes; Dean’s seen worse at Disneyland.

It was the skeleton’s comment about Dean’s ass that really livened things up.

Compromise by tiamatv (7.5k)

It wasn't uncommon for Dean to find himself tracking down an ex-angel in their underground home in the middle of the night, because Cas got nightmares. Ten years ago, though, if anyone had told Dean this would become a semi-regular occurrence in his life, he’d probably have laughed so hard, his beer would have come out of his nose.

Crazy Hex Girlfriend by whichstiel (10k)

Dean and Castiel infiltrate an extravagant couples-only Halloween party at the invitation of the party’s host who has been receiving mysterious threats. They patrol the party for hex bags and dark altars, interview suspects, and Dean happily scores a lot of free food. He just wishes he could score with Cas.

How Many Slams In An Old Screen Door? [podfic] by Tenoko1 (15k/2hr podfic)

In which Castiel is a theatre major terrible at first impressions; Dean is a set designer who likes Cas anyway; and the most chaotic production of Les Miserables in history somehow manages to go off without a hitch. Or, just as you should never give a moose a muffin (because he'll want some jam to go with it), you should never give a blank check to a university theatre department. [podfic version]

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (22k)

The Winchester brothers are long lost to history. The angel keeps the vigil, haunted by the shadows of his regrets.

Among other things.

this post is getting way too long so I'm gonna start a second one now!! hopefully you can enjoy these lesser known fics in the meantime :)

[landrysg]

A long but interesting read:

Born in 1978, he was 16 when he left the comfort of his Saudi home, learned to fire a mortar, and fought in the battles of the Bosnian War. He and two friends ran a million dollar fraudulent charity to smuggle supplies to the Chechens when he was 18. He was 19 when he swore an oath of allegiance in front of Osama bin Laden, and started making chemical weapons. He was 20 when he got disillusioned with al-Qaeda, left, got caught by the Qatari secret police and became a British informant. He was 24 when he unraveled a plot to release poison gas in the New York subway. And by the time he was 28, due to an embarrassingly stupid leak from the American intelligence agencies, his spying career was over and he was a man in hiding. One good consequence of his cover being blown is that twelve years after his retirement, he could finally tell his story, resulting in one of the most fascinating books I ever read. ...

"As I clambered back down the hill, I was jolted from shock to disappointment. After a year in Bosnia, I was still very much alive. I had been sure this would be my bridge to paradise, a place the Prophet had described as beyond imagination. Of the five medics assigned that day, only two of us had survived. My brothers in arms were now in paradise but I had been left behind. I could not hold back the tears. I felt like a loser among winners. I made a silent prayer asking God to reunite me with my friends soon and vowed to embrace jihad as never before. Maybe God would then find me worthy. ... As the Prophet had said, with the first drop of blood all the sins of a martyr are forgiven. With the second they see their place in heaven. There would be no purgatory and no anxiety on the Day of Judgment. Not only would seventy-two virgins await, but as a martyr I could ask the Lord to grant eternal life to seventy of my relatives and friends. I would be reunited with the mother I so missed and the father I had never got to know." ...

The British never shared Dean’s identity with the USA, and tried to provide as little revealing detail as possible, but apparently the Americans still figured it out after a while. Then some unknown insider talked to a journalist, who wrote a book, The One Percent Doctrine, containing all sorts of information on the informant, and then Time ran a frontpage article based on the book that revealed some things about Dean, including his real first name. We have all since learned that journalists are strangely committed to sharing people’s real names, but I wouldn’t have expected it to extend to literal spies inside al-Qaeda. Fortunately, Dean was in Europe when it happened, but his comrades soon figured out based on the news that he was the spy, and he could never return to his job, thus ending his seven years as an important informant.

[cpopnatural]

12x23 Notes

-oh god finale time

-so I know Mary is gonna die it’s just a question of how. My money rn is on Billie regenerating

-every season they do the road so far and every season I go. Oh my god

-CASTIEL

-not the prayer…

-the IKEA furniture…

-he doesn’t even know he’s gonna be a father………Jesus Christ above

-the smoke going into the rat mouth gets me

-no grave can hold my body down I’ll crawl back to her fr

-NO ROWENA

-no more female characters dead before the title card…please

-not purgatory again

-the video straight up happens in Steven Universe

-the direct punch to the face lmaooooo

-Mark Sheppard says beautiful turns his face towards Dean I saw that sir

-every time Kelly has a contraction the vagina shaped portal in the yard just twitches

-he went to a doula class…

-pissing Sterling the fuck off because I said pussy portal during a deep and emotional scene

-Cas healing Dean…

-why did they bring up The French Mistake lmaoooo

-BOBBY???????

-Motherhood: The Season

-Americana Jay Gruska again…

-the angel killing bullets lmaoooo

-oh we’re about to get to the Crowley murder suicide of the whole affair

-Mark Sheppard you icon

-SAM PULLING DEAN AWAY FROM CAS

-HOLY SHIT

-Dean’s face……..no……….

-oh Jesus Mary’s next

-this is literally the most Supernatural way you could defeat Lucifer

-Dean falling to his knees……..kill me dude

-this is a creepy way of introducing him though

-THE END OF THE EPISODE?????

Oh this was brutal. Definitely a finale to remember. Was it good though? Debatable. This whole season was a little 虎头蛇尾6/10

[420technoblazeit]

#saw somebody say dean should get abandoned more often...where even are you I happens all the time (via @this-world-of-beautiful-monsters)

it literally happens like every season. a lot of the time cas wont even give an explanation he's just gone, ignoring dean's 500 phone calls and prayers and everything. remember when he ghosted him so hard that dean spent a year in purgatory looking for him not even knowing if he was still alive. and that whole time cas was hearing his prayers he just decided not to answer for a whole year i guess. that was crazy

isnt it so fucking funny that cas knows that dean has horrible abandonment issues bc of the way he was raised and that he has a really hard time trusting people and accepting that they care about him. and then the SECOND he gets into any kind of trouble whatsoever he goes full no contact and doesnt talk to dean for sometimes months at a time

like i know why he does it, ik that he feels like he'd be a burden on dean otherwise but also cmon man. im tired of ppl saying dean's the only dysfunctional one in their relationship cas is literally just as bad

[casbeeminestiel]

No yeah, I get where you’re coming from and I agree 100%! I didn’t word the fanon part correctly (because I’m tired and words are hard). By “it’s not fanon,” I mean “it’s not just fanon, but the separation between the fandom and the actors, producers, and writers is so minuscule that when it manifests itself in canon, we don’t truly know if it was us or them.”

Regardless of which party was responsible for the idea of how to (terribly, imho) present Dean’s anger, the fandom has had a really interesting reaction to it. I know many of us took this new image of Dean and chose to do one of a few things with it. The most popular I’ve seen are:

1). It was all Chuck, but Dean still has issues. Dean is not actually the type of guy to point a gun at his pseudo-child and the brother he raised. However, post-canon Dean does need to heal from a lifetime of unresolved trauma (generational or otherwise), and part of that healing is to see that he isn’t a bad person + that good people can make mistakes and still be good.

2). Dean did do those things, and he may have even been acting independently, but he was at the most desperate we’ve ever seen him and he was operating under unimaginable emotional duress. In this iteration, fanon/canon Dean acknowledges his anger (much like in the purgatory prayer) and works through it.

3). Dean never did those things. Maybe they didn’t happen at all in fanon interpretation, or maybe they did but it was literally all Chuck. This characterization of Dean is not angry (not to say he still doesn’t have stuff to work through). I’ve seen this the most in fluff fics where the author just doesn’t want to get into his psyche for whatever reason (and that’s totally valid!).

The worst and best part of these interpretations is that, imo, the ending was so rough and ambiguous that any of these post-canon options could fit. To illustrate your point about canon/fanon, Jensen seems to have chosen option #1 and is creating a new “canon” with it.

And the cycle will continue because as much as Jensen thinks he knows the right way to take this story, we also have fifteen years of plot wire to untangle. There will always be a ‘yes, but what if-’ attached to Supernatural, especially when it comes to who Dean actually is.

The difference between us and Jensen Ackles is. Well. We don’t have a few million dollars to spend on rights to a Zepp song for the unhinged televised fanfiction we created with our wife in which our most special guy jailbreaks his seemingly happy heaven to jump into an AU with his mom and dad, thus resurrecting the poltergeist of spn’s past and sending us all into the ether.

I'm so emotional about the fact that the softest and least angry we've seen Dean in YEARS is in the project where Jensen had ALL the control over his character.

[dead-gay-angel]

like??!? that's literally dean's purgatory prayer to cas in the trap

wait by the river by lord huron is truly a top tier destiel divorce arc song

[bibliophileiz]

I love this and I just want to add:

I think there's also the element of Dean basically raising Sam. There's two sides to parenting: physically protecting your kids, a role Dean has openly (and proudly) shouldered since he was 4 years old, and then there's raising them to be decent people. Sam IS a decent person and I think a lot of that is because of Dean's love as well as Sam's inner strength but we can't ignore the kind of effect that must have had on Dean. Dean DOESN'T claim any particular responsibility for Sam turning out to be a good person so it gets talked about less in fandom but the fact remains that Dean would have been at least somewhat responsible for Sam's decisions from a very young age which goes a lot toward explaining Dean's tendency to "control" Sam.

And of course we can't ignore John's final words to Dean--that Dean would either have to "save" Sam...or kill him.

So you have this situation where Dean is forced from an early age to shoulder this extremely unfair responsibility over Sam's behavior, and the punishment for failure is literally the worst thing Dean could ever imagine having to do.

When you look at it from that perspective, Dean's decisions all make a lot more sense. And as the people who make up Dean's family expands, so does Dean's tendency to take responsibility for their actions. When Mary starts working with the British Men of Letters in Season 12, Sam is reasonably frustrated and disappointed but is willing to hear her out, whereas Dean completely loses his mind. When Cas works with Crowley in Season 6, Dean puts such a heavy guilt trip on him that Cas ends up with the moral high ground despite the fact that the show runners were actively setting up his villain arc.

(As a side note, this also goes pretty far toward explaining why characters so often hide things from Dean. There is no way Dean could have actively stopped Sam or Cas from doing the various things they did that he disapproved of over the years, they just didn't want to deal with his drama.)

This is one of the reasons I dislike Andrew Dabb as a showrunner and why I find the season 15 focus on Dean's "anger issues" so frustrating. Dabb accurately identifies that Dean is short tempered when it comes to decisions his family members are making but he spends the entire season having characters like Amara tell Dean that he needs to "control his anger" like we're in fucking Star Wars or something without ever addressing the more core problem of Dean feeling responsible for the actions of fully grown humans who can and should make their own decisions (even if they're bad sometimes). Basically Season 15 should have been about Dean letting go of that responsibility. That's why the best scene that season (and also Jensen's best performance) is Dean's prayer to Cas in purgatory. That's why Robert Berens' episode "Who We Are"--in which Dean trusts Sam to lead the other hunters without him and then saves his mom, not with violence or judgement, but with love--is stronger than anything else we get from Dean in terms of a character arc at the end of the show.

hi i recently came across your blog and have been reading a lot of your posts about dean - your analysis is incredible. i was wondering... in your opinion, which arc is the worst when it comes to deancrits misunderstanding/critiquing dean unfairly?

so i'm 50/50 on whether this is genuine or bait. if it's not bait, i'm so sorry. you did nothing wrong. it's just that i get a lot of messages that are so very clearly not in good faith. if it is bait, well, joke's on you because i'm about to say a bunch of words and a bunch of people are gonna read them. so.

i think the most obvious answer to your question is the jack situation but i'm not sure it's the correct one. i think by the time we even get to jack (especially to the soulless!jack part of it all) a lot of people have already sort of lost the plot on why dean is ever behaving the way he is. there's this tendency to view his behavior as if he wants to control the people closest to him, not always because he's inherently malicious but often because he wants to keep them safe and keep them close to him to the detriment of himself and everyone around him (see look! it's not deancrit! we know he's not a bad guy. we're just being objective and he's just an abusive asshole who should burn in hell). and i get it. i see how they got there.

but it's frustrating because how they got there is by 1. taking every single thing the characters say at face value despite all evidence to the contrary 2. viewing every single thing dean does or says in a vacuum, removed from any and all context and 3. forgetting that supernatural is a fantasy show, not a family drama or sitcom.

take the demon blood story line for example. what we actually see is:

sam going on a mission for revenge regardless of the costs or consequences (which he's aware exist even if he doesn't know the exact details)

dean trusting his brother until he finds out his brother's been lying to him

sam being told that what he's doing is wrong on multiple occasions by multiple people

dean offering ruby his gratitude for saving sam's life and an apology for the way he's been treating her since he got back from hell

sam continuing to lie and act shady

dean telling sam that he doesn't care about the demon blood/sam's powers, he just cares about sam's behavior

sam draining an entire nurse and killing her

sam almost killing dean on purpose and telling him he's not strong enough, not like sam is

dean still being the one to offer an apology when all is said and done, twice

but all of that gets rewritten into a narrative that dean's just never trusted sam ever and sam was only doing something he thought was right because all he ever wanted to do was save people. how could he have possibly known something bad would happen? and now, even after the fact, even after sam's said he's sorry, dean still won't let it go and holds it against sam forever and ever.

this narrative persists throughout the fandom. why? because sam threw a few tantrums in which he rewrote what was happening and dean didn't protest and the fandom took it at face value. (1)

on top of that, deancrits treat each of dean's actions like they happened in a vacuum. one of the things deancrits fixate on the most regarding the demon blood plot is dean saying, "You walk out that door, don't you ever come back." in 4x21. they treat it as if dean was being controlling and manipulative; abusive, even. they treat it as if, out of nowhere, dean just decided to throw john's words in sam's face because sam simply wouldn't do what dean wanted him to do.

what actually happened, however, was that sam had been lying to dean for twenty-one episodes about what he was doing, despite the continued warnings not to do what he was doing, and now sam had beaten the shit out of dean, left him bruised and bloodied on the floor, to go do something that dean had been told repeatedly, from a source they all thought was the authority on the subject, that sam absolutely should not do. what actually happened was dean made a last-ditch desperate effort to stop his brother from doing something dangerous that would get himself and possibly a lot of other people killed. (2)

the deancrits also tend to magically forget they're watching a genre show, not a family drama, when it comes to analyzing dean. the source of conflict wasn't that dean just didn't like sam's new girlfriend because sam trusted her more than him. it was that sam's new girlfriend was a demon and dean had just gotten back from forty years in hell being tortured... by demons. it was that dean had angels of the lord, before he really knew that the angels couldn't be trusted, telling him he needed to stop sam. it was that the angel that rescued him from an eternity of torture and becoming a demon himself told him that he needed to stop sam. (3)

so the deancrits frame this conflict between sam and dean as if dean just didn't trust sam, for no reason other than sam was hanging out with somebody else, and dean was being irrational about it. after all, sam was only trying to stop lilith, right? dean was being irrational and controlling. and it sounds reasonable when you look at it from their perspective. but their perspective is not anywhere near the reality of what was actually happening.

and that happens over and over and over again. we see it with the idea that dean is the one who is codependent to a toxic degree, despite all evidence to the contrary*. we see it with the idea that dean thinks all monsters should die and sam wants to save/help them. we see it with the conflict in s6 being framed as dean just being angry that cas dared to do something without his permission. we see it with the fractured relationship between the brothers in s8, both regarding dean's return from purgatory and the trials. we see it with the gadreel arc and then the one with cas leading the angels. we see it with the mark of cain and the darkness. we see it with mary's return. and then we see it with jack, and most especially we see it with soulless!jack.

it's all so exhausting. by the time we get to jack, the deancrit has piled up the same way the narrative circumstances weighing on dean have, and so it feels like deancrits are fundamentally misunderstanding the situation more severely than they have anything else but i think in reality it's just the last straw.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that the misunderstanding isn't necessarily about the individual arcs but about the way a genre story is told in general. they're not just unfairly critiquing an arc. they're mischaracterizing a whole ass dude and fifteen seasons of a show.

*dean dragged sam back into hunting. how do we know that? because sam said it. what did we actually see? dean bringing sam back to stanford for his interview. sam going back to hunting because of the fire that killed jess. dean wanting to take a break from hunting several times while sam kept pushing them to keep going. dean wanting to split up and stay away from each other for awhile after the demon blood thing. sam leaving amelia before he even knew dean was alive/back from purgatory. dean telling sam to go back to amelia. sam choosing, all on his own, not to go back to amelia. sam basically threatening suicide because dean had other friends. sam unleashing the darkness because he didn't want to be alone. etc. etc. etc.

**also i think there is a conversation to be had about dean's coping mechanisms and trauma responses being less palatable though not anymore harmful than both sam's and castiel's but that's a different conversation for a different day