#<- just gotta be one ig idk ughhh

[rapidhighway]

there is always assignments...

[skrunksthatwunk]

household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight

[baja4nia]

san diego is insane like my ex cant even be mad at me cuz i made his ass move down here thats how good it is bc i didnt even hurt him or ruin his life hes just insane and wont settle for anything but the best and san diego is that fuckin good. idk why i started my point with talking about my ex like thats not my point. san diego is insane if you dont live here idk what you're doing with your life. specfically at the beach you need to be at the beach. idk maybe all beach people all the same so ur fine..... but everybody i meet here is like the coolest person ive ever met thats why im having trouble meeting girls is cause they are all so fucking sick. house i went to last night had a huge skate ramp in their backyard like fuckkk. and i get to meet all these people.... whatever dude i still wish i could have gone diving today. meeting the sickest people....... i gotta bring my ex to ocean beach on a wednesday so he can meet people... he said thats been hard for him im like yeah cuz youre in pacific beach you gotta come here its way more chill and younger and more normal people as in their crazy and not rich and super cool.. uhhhh i still wanna fuck NO ONE is living up to that expectation even though i got laid last night ty jonny but....... ugh so sad i found out he does coke and im like ughhh that makes you so much less attractive. i got to just lock in and be cool on my own like spend all my time bettering myself so when i come back out i'll be the best. idk. dude the guy i actually like posted such a slutty ig story and still didnt follow me back its sooo over...:.,

[angelguk]

ttinty oc is so DUMB, she’s just like me & maybe that’s why she’s irritating me so much bc it’s like GIRL….JUST TALK TO HIM ?? she deflects so so much it hurts, whole time i’m reading i’m like “YES TALK TO HIM GO GO” but in reality if i was in this situation i’d be the same way…but it gets to a certain point where you gotta say fuck it bc why are you sitting at home wallowing, he’s not gonna kill you if you say you like him, i promise (unless…nah) ! but at the same time don’t because i want him to kind of beg for her but he’s not doing that so it’s like……tf is she supposed to do :/ jk is dumb too, i guess he can have other girl friends but use context clues, when did oc start acting different….when you met homegirl, right exactly !! i guess that’s the whole point of the “requited love but miscommunication is a bitch” plot, but damn ! i need them to step it up.. atp tae is my favorite, that’s my guyyy fr fr he’s annoying but i can handle it, oh wait & chaeyoung too !! my favs are the people that don’t like each other i guess, actually everyone besides the main two characters right now..maybe nayoung too, though i don’t want to dislike her over HIM but nevertheless i can’t help myself bc why are you all up on him 24/7, can he BREATHE ?? ughhh i’m sorry i just have no one else to rant to & i really like this story which is why i am so frustrated, i just want them to work things out & stop being so scary..STAND UP ! as for requests on what happens next, i’ll have to think some more, idk i kind of want it to be messy but not toooo messy that it goes beyond recovery…maybe i just want jk to pine really really bad, i need him to suffer too just so i know oc isn’t the only one having inner turmoil…idk idk, but just know i loveee your writing & this story so thank you sm 💞 if you actually read this i’ll give you the biggest hug, even if you don’t i still will bc getting this off my chest feels good so it’s a win win. (also please i hope me calling them dumb doesn’t sound harsh or anything, it just feels like the best word to use for their actions ig ? yeah sorry) okay, byeee :)

no because even as i was writing i was like this girl is so STEWPID but then again u dont have to like everything ur character does... oh but i disagree about the whole its not gonna kill you to tell him.... considering jungkook and ocs history it really just might. taehyung having fans is crazy cause all i wanna do is punch him if im being honest and also thank u for reading!!! this is such a sweet message to receive honestly i appreciate the way u care about this story!! dont worry i think the characters are being dumb too but this is how angst is created no?

[sposp0]

this is j me rambling bc i have no one to talk to (i mean that’s basically this whole blog 😩) so feel free to skip lmao

i rly should stop watching creepy shit before bed omg... now i’m all freaked out & i’m tired but can’t sleep. i don’t get scared by things easily in the moment but as soon as it’s nighttime.... bruh the things i watched weren’t even like horror movies or anything it was just youtube videos talking ABOUT horror/scary stories. gotta love cadaber & wendigoon lol. but omg i’d watched the local 58 videos forever ago but then today i watched wendigoon’s video on it & it like unlocked the memory & now i keep thinking abt the real sleep one omg i’m so creeped out ah i should change the subject lol

i’m making diy platform boots!! i found some rly cool boots at the thrift store & i got some flip flops to make the platform part with so now i’m just waiting for the glue on the flip flops to dry. it kinda got fucked up bc the flip flops weren’t long enough for the shoe so i had to like stagger them? i’ll probably have to put more foam in it & maybe wood pieces, plus i’ll have to decorate it so the outside looks even... ugh. i hope we have everything we need bc i rly don’t wanna make my dad take me to the store again lol. but i’m excited for the shoes & the opportunity to do this lil project, it should be fun :) maybe i’ll order some lil spikes to decorate them with :0

my crush and i hung out yesterday like i talked abt, but i’ve been feeling mad guilty lmao. we played we’re not really strangers, and yk at the end of the game u give each other notes to read once you’ve parted ways. mine was basically just like “you’re really cool, you should be more confident! people like you! we should hang out more :)” & then his was like “you have one of the most beautiful souls on the planet. i’m so grateful we met and i hope we never lose this special connection. i love you bro” LIKE?????????????? ok first of all i’m rly happy abt their note bc omg we hardly know each other and he’s dropping the L-word, in a clearly platonic sense but that’s great i mean wow. but u can see why i feel guilty bc WHAT THE FUCK MY LETTER IS LITERALLY SO BASIC COMPARED TO HIS???? i feel so bad omg i would’ve written sumn like he did but i couldn’t rly think of anything in the moment & i didn’t wanna come on too strong but now i’m scared he thinks i don’t like him... omg... he got his 2nd covid vaccine friday btw so he still kinda feels like shit probably, but if he felt better we were gonna go thrift shopping this weekend. he hasn’t reached out tho so idk. i’m kinda scared to message them but i probably will soon j to check in abt the vaccine & let them know im not ghosting them or sumn lmao. we probably won’t get to go this weekend but i’m hoping we will next weekend maybe? idk bc i’m going back to hybrid school and covid is p bad at my school so i don’t wanna get him sick.. like ik he has the vaccine now but i’m still scared 💀 n e wayzzz next time we hang out i’m gonna maybe give them another note to open up when i leave to make up for how terrible the first one was. would that be awkward? idk i feel like it would either be rly sweet or kinda weird. maybe i’ll bring paper and stuff for him to write a note for me & that can be like a lil tradition for us, that’d be cute. ik ive ranted abt him for so long but i promise i’m not obsessed 💀 this is just the first time i’ve made a friend since elementary school & i also have a bit of a crush on him so i rly rly want things to go well. thus, i’m overthinking. ughhh. i rly hope things go well. i’m trying to let it just run its course but it’s so difficult. i rly care too much

ok jfc LONG post i apologize. idrk how to end this lmfao.. bye ig 😩

[midnightmisadventures]

Think it might be showtime so dream downys are on PRIVATE:

Um some weird shit, but i dont remember much honestly 

At a couple points i was with Liam. And We were sitting next to eachother in this....place....building. Idk it was some college setting. 

And as a group we were talking about things. Like our friends were there. But i made the decision to be friendly and not weird about sitting next to him, and like being in the convo. Cause it was still awkward between us. So i was looking at him while he told stories, and he was looking at just me more and more.

And idk, there was just this moment where i realized we were looking in each others eyes and i was like....omg! we love eachother again type beat. 

So that was soft and subtle. Then he was talking about this tv show he liked that he just started watching. So he’s talking about it in depth and explaining how its niche and not a lot of people know about it and then all of a sudden fucking priscilla’s friend from the BAR comes out of no where and is like 

“OMG!! YOU LIKE THAT SHOW I LOVE THAT SHOW no way” and then started acting so pick me and invading the conversation. And was like “i gotta start hanging out with you more, what type of marketing did you say your major was?”

And im like starting to subtly roll my eyes like ughhh as if, im not the one who chose his major like he doesnt even know anything about marketing?? thats so far off

And ally and i looked at eachother like fuckkk we hate her

But he made a POINT to not take the bait, and like dismissed her and continued to look me in my eyes and talk to me. And like cutteeeee, how progressive are we being via dreams!! We’re really looking out for eachother. So i felt soft and much nicer than i have been. 

I was eating blue berry pancakes with blueberry syrup

And then eventually it was just us talking still slightly awkward, and like how we always end up in dreams (& ig real life too), he started packing up and i was like “you heading out?” and he was like “yea i gotta leace for work” and i was chewing but tried to swallow fast bc i made sure to be like “have a good shift” cause we’re FRIENDS and i’m NICE 

Seee i can be nice to Liam if he doesnt show up as a literal stranger

swipe up for pt 2

[maruuwa]

So like lately I was trying to figure out my relationship with social media..

And I realised that instagram is the most toxic app I have on my phone though it's also the best but ughhh

Like it's soo colorful, full of aesthetic pics and fun videos also educational one you can learn a lot throught it but still I just remembering sufferering because of it daily at first I liked looking at these people, stalking them, foloowing them living their lives in my head I would alwyas tell myself one day... But than it became toxic seeing everyone being perfect and than comparison issues started look. At that giirl she is..., than i would put more efforts to loook as perfect as they do and I became obssesd by posting pics everywhere I go so if I looked preetty I gotta post hundreds of pics and if I went out to a beautiful place I goota post instead of living the moment,because of my social akwardness I needed to constantly meet new people on social media especially ig I liked the idea of talking to cool guys and powerful ladies it made me feel like I was doing something bt my life also having thousands of followers feeling famous or Idk, than I realised these '' artificial friends'' or idk started having power over me actual power liike they would make my day with a hii and stuff and I didn't like the idea of my happiness relying on others soo like I made it private and private I mean absolutely private leaving my fav people and it become like 50 person or smth I also unfoloweed every toxic person that wouldn't help me grow than I started to talk to my friends on it at first it did feel great I was like yeahh am healing but than it became overwhelming, annoying and simply boring I didn't like the idea of perhabs only talking to my friends or not having as much hearts as I used to my egoo got hurt,coz he didn't know where to get that attention I than felt inferior to others.

But perhaps it was just that I realised the truth bt my social life I was perhabs famous and '' admired''but definitely not loved by many than I was like coool quality over quantity I only need real friends but problem is I don't really trust anyone I sometimes just feel like nahh they're fake, temporarily or even toxic I expect them to leave at anytime and i don't feel l okey when not talking to them....

Gooood am sick but looking throught all this instagram is perhaps not toxic but I AM thought I may not be toxic for others but for me I should blame meee

Anyway I really don't back to Instagram right nox nor any other platform but tumbler and pinterest coz they are good for my health unlike ig

[black-raven200]

Asks

@lemons-lennon-s tagged me. So ig I’m doing It

Nickname: Mag(s)

Gender: female

Star sign: Virgooo

Height: 5’7?

Time: 1:42ish am EST

Birthday: September 11th

Favourite band(s): gotta soft spot for my old Emo band favs,Kpop,old music, and indie, but I don’t really have favorites. Like most music except country.

Solo artist(s): Again don’t really have a fav. Just like a lot of diff songs from diff people but some I like more but aren’t a fav (if that makes sense)

Song stuck in my head: BLACKPINK’s new album

Last show I watched: Star Trek (TOS)

When did I create this blog: ughhh probs like 3-4 years ago but I’ve been more active recently

what do I post: lotta diff shiz. Some witchy stuff, some fandom stuff, lots of pretty things, and funny stuff

What did I last Google: probably some fanfiction but idk which one (or stuff for my moodboards)


Other blogs: I have my spam/fandom account called @fandomspamshit I’m pretty active on the reblogs and I post stuff sometimes

Do I get asks? Once a while. Mainly for readings or requests. Not much of the funner stuff or questions, though I’d LOVE to have more.

Why did I choose this url: I’ve always been and especially have been obsessed with Raven from teen titans, such a childhood hero and someone I always looked up to. I also like the bird (which is black) and 200 was just a random number I liked with It.

Following: oh jeez. A-fucking-lot. I follow like over 2,000 probably. I like to have a big built up dash.

Followers: 1,550. follow if ya like and send an ask I’m needy

Average hours of sleep: usually not a lot like 3-4 hours. And then one day I’ll crash and have like 12 hours

Lucky number: 11 or 9 cause of my birthday and I always see these numebrs

Instrument: i can kinda play the piano.(I’m told I’m better then I think but)

What am I wearing: grey sweat pants with green velvet down the sides, fuzzy socks, grey-green baseball tee???

Dream job: Doctor. Specifically a neurology surgeon

Last book I read: I re-read my fav book, the perks of being a wallflower (unless you count fanfiction). New book would be Angela’s ashes as I have to read It for summer hw.

Fandoms: oh dear a-fuckingn-lot: Kpop, Sherlock, Doctor who, Supernatural, Harry Potter, Star Trek (TOS or AOS), and a lot of youtube. (And a lot more)

Thanks tem ( @lemons-lennon-s ) for the tag. I tag @seabeeen annnnnnndd @straightest-straight (even tho she won’t do it)

[taersformymin]

I was tagged by @jeon-coconut

Rules: Go to https://www.random.org/lists/ and enter in your top ten biases from any groups and randomize them. The order they are displayed to you becomes their number (this just ensures that the process is random) and you just have to choose between the biases for each scenario!

Lee JooHeon Kim TaeHyung Seo YoungHo Park ChaeYoung Wang KaYee Lalisa Manoban Min YoonGi Chae HyungWon Dong SiCheng Kim KiBum

Scenarios: (don’t worry, there is a question for every combination of biases also, I randomized the pairs)

Go to a baseball game with 4 or 10. Chaeyoung or Kibum: Shit Idk, but ig with Chaeie cause she’s so silly so if the games boring she can entertain me lol

Play a game of twister with 1 or 7. Jooheon or Yoongi: Sorry Noogi Bear but I gotta go with Joojoo cause it’ll be more fun and there’s no way Yoong is gonna play cause he can barely stretch without saying how inflexible he is lol

Eat ramen at 2am with 2 or 8. Taehyung or Hyungwon: Uhhh no shit my precious babycake Tae all day XDDD

Watch a Disney movie in theaters with 5 or 10. Kayee or Kibum: UH no brainer I’m going with the most extra boy ever Jackass

Go hiking with 5 or 9. Kayee or Sicheng: Lol the two Chinese dudes against each other. But I gotta go with my china doll Jackson, sorry my little baby.

Swim with the sharks with 4 or 5. Chaeyoung or Jackson : I’m with the Jackster again cause he’s more likely to be into that, but honestly they would both be scared probably just like me but I’d rather cling onto Jackson then Rose ;)

Swim with the dolphins with 7 or 10. Yoongi or Kibum: Ugh I have no clue. Ig I gotta go with my pumpkin Kibum

Fall asleep talking a 4am with 3 or 9. Youngho or Sicheng: Oh lord I have no clue how either of them would be on the phone but since for some reason Sicheng kinda reminds me of Tae, I’m gonna with him, sorry JohnnyBoi

Wake up next to 2 or 7. Taehyung or Yoongi: ASFGHBJ KIM MF TAEHYUNG TF, THAT IS MY LIFE MISSON TO WAKE UP BESIDES THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ;A;, AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HIS MORNING VOICE and then see that cute adorable squish puffy morning face 😖😖😩😩 *ugly crying*, disrespectful ass question

Be stuck in rush hour traffic with 4 or 9. Chaeyoung or WinWin: I’m sorry Ravioli but I’m gonna go with my boy

Build a snowman with 7 or 8. Yoongi or Hyungwon: UGHHH, if I could get either one of their asses to wake tf up in the first place geez but omg IDK AND I KEEP PASSING ON THEM BOTH AAAHHH, but I gotta go with my honeybun b/c if Yoongi doesn’t want to do something he ain’t gonna do it so I have a better chance with my babyboy Hyungwon and it’d be more fun no offense Gummy Bear

Spend a day baking with 5 or 7. Jackson or Yoongi: I gotta go with lumberjack, YOONGI IM SORRY ;-;, but you’d would just roast me all day cause I don’t know how to cook. Moreover does Jackson even know how cause I have no clue tbh but I don’t think so we’d struggle together

Be stranded on a desert island with 2 or 9. Taehyung or WinWin: OMFGGG WHYYY ;A;. Look if this was any other question I’d automatically pick Tae and I’m still tempted to pick him cause even though Ik he doesn’t have surviving skills , I’d love live my last days and die looking & being with him (cause ik a little surviving skills but idk how long we’ll be stranded or what’s on the island so), I just can’t bring him down with me so no I don’t want to stranded with him cause he’ll die too so I gotta let you go on this one Tae. I still don’t want my Sicheng to die either BUT see the thing is WinWin we haven’t know each other as long and..our connection isn’t as strong as Tae and it kills me also to have to choose you but it’s you or Tae, and I will try so hard for you to make it out alive though Sicheng, I’ll gladly let you survive by letting you eat my corpse cause I’ll make sure you out live me and I’ll protect you the best that I can cause you’re my baby also and I can’t let you die either, I’d rather be stranded alone instead of with either of you

Be hit by a car by 1 or 9. Jooheon or Sicheng : JOOJOO COME THRU

Hit 3 or 4 with a car. Youngho or Chaeyoung: Oooo, Idk fam, this is hard, can’t I just say Park Jimin instead, at I won’t feel bad then lolol but since it’s not guaranteed either of you will die Iggg Youngho, cause I’ve known you less fam but let it be warning if I catch you in our city and you don’t hmu,… but then that’s another reason I’d rather hit Rosé, cause we from the same place cause homies before hoes but Chaebae you know you not a hoe I loves you but yeah Johnny at least you’ll look fabulous on the way down, I mean especially the effect of the impact have on your luscious locks ooooo BOI, like that bounce though

Kiss 4 or 8 in the moonlight. Chaeyoung or Hyungwon: BOI if you don’t bring them sweet butter lips here, pucker up buttercup

Dance in the rain with 2 or 4. Taehyung or Chaeyoung: Chae if you don’t move get tf out the way (I love you still though). MY ULTIMATE LOVE OF MY LIFE KIM TAEHYUNG, BABY COME TO MAMA BEAR, even though I hate getting my head wet (I hate the feeling of rain on my head cause I’m not use to it sonit’s annoying and uncomfortable like someone keeps popping me or some shit), it’ll be worth it for you.

Be kidnapped with 1 or 5. Jooheon or Kayee: Omg I’m stuck with two big ass sniffling crying ass babies, I’m doomed either way. But I’ll go with Jackson, maybe he’ll irritate us free or weird them out with his over the top personality. I’m sorry Joojoo but you won’t deal with the situation well either, I’ll be the one saving us most likely

Arm wrestle 1 or 3. Jooheon or Youngho: Damn I’ll lose either way based on strength, but since I haven’t chosen my boy Youngho, I’ll go with him, I’ll love to look into his eyes while wrestling

Go to an art museum with 3 or 5. Youngho or Jackson: KAYEEEEEE

Have a picnic with 2 or 3. Taehyung or Youngho: FUCKING KIM TAEHYUNG TF

Buy a puppy with 1 or 10. Jooheon or Kibum: JOOJOO, he’d be adorable, sorry pumpkin

Get a forehead kiss from 7 or 9. Yoongi or Sicheng: hmmm Noogi Bear

Pick up 2 or 6 from the airport at 5am. Taehyung or Lalisa : WTF I FINALLY GET LISA AND IT HAD TO BE AGAINST TAE WTF, but of course Tae

Go on a roadtrip with 3 or 8. Hyungwon or Youngho: Damn, Hyungwon would probably sleep through most of it so gotta go with my johnnyboy

Have an all night study session with 6 or 8. Lalisa or Youngho: Shit, what’s yall last gpa, but I’m going to with Youngho. MY LOLLIPOP IM SORRY

Sing karaoke with 8 or 10. Johnny or Kibum: ok I feel bad for keep curving my Kibumkin so I gotta go with him

Climb a tree with 6 or 9. Lalisa or Sicheng: LOLLIPOP

Go to the zoo with 2 or 5. Taehyung or Jackson: TAEEEEEEE, but I just hope he doesn’t get spit on by monkeys again, my poor baby

Go bowling with 3 or 6. Hyungwon or Lalisa: Uh this is tough, they’d both most likely cream me but ig my Honeywonie

Have 1 or 8 do your make-up. Jooheon or Kibum: I think if Kibum didn’t mind doing it, he’d try hard to make me look nice but, it’d be more funny with Joojoo so sorry Kibumkin

Swim in the rain with 4 or 7. Chaeyoung or Yoongi: How tf do you swim in the rain ? lolol, ig pretending but still it’s weird but Chaebae it’ll be fun

Share your favorite food with 6 or 10. Lalisa or Kibum: Taco’s and Tequila with my lollipop (not really tequila lol)

Go ice skating with 1 or 4. Jooheon or Chaeyoung: Ugh this hard they’re both silly so it’d be fun with both of them and ik we all gonna be busting our shits but I’m go with Joo

Get lost on vacation with 2 or 10. Taehyung or kibum: Tae booboo come to me sweety

Get locked out of your car in the middle of nowhere with no cellphone signal with 4 or 6. Rosé or Lisa: My lasagna Lisa

Rob a bank with 5 or 8. Jackson or Kibum: Kibum, I’ll be screwed with Kayee

Have 8 or 9 write a song about you. Kibum or Sicheng: Kipumpkin

Be embraced by 9 or 10 after you cry. Sicheng or Kibum: Kibum, he’s so tall XD

Have 6 or 7 cook for you. Lalisa or Yoongi: Lasagna, I wanna try that Thai food gurl

Have 1 or 2 be your sidekick. Jooheon or Taehyung: I can’t believe I’m saying this but Joo come thru

Star in a K-drama with 1 or 6. Jooheon or Lalisa: JOOJOO BE MY JOONJAE

Build a dresser from Ikea with no instructions with 3 or 7. Youngho or Yoongi: uhmmm Youngho

Be in a zombie apocalypse with 5 or 6. Jackson or Lalisa: Well I’m gonna die quick anyways so I might as well die laughing with my boy Kayeezla

Run a YouTube channel with 3 or 10. Hyungwon or Kibum: Hmmmm they’re both attractive so it’ll help with views but I think the meme will help more so my Honeywonie

I tag: @bts-absolute-trash @youngprincejin @jeonnseagull @littlepunkrogue @syubisonfire @jookyunhoe @jin-oppa @jinxkook @bangthetanboys @queensalad-stormbutterfly @taetaescutiepie and anyone else that wants to do this cause I can’t think of people right now

[0225pm]

sad bc no pictures today!!!! :( i didn't managed to snap any because of time constraints :(((((((((( anyway guess who finally get to meet her bb today? 😂 das right, me!!!!!! kind of a bummer bc i didn't expect that i'll actually get a shift on tuesday? i can't rmbr giving any shift for tuesday either but oh well i don't have a choice. but the feel to not go to work today was super strong though. if can, i wanted to skip work just to be able to spend more time with han but of course, i shouldn't be irresponsible just because i want to spend time with the love of my life. besides, it was already far too late to find a replacement + get an mc + i didn't wanna leave any more bad impression since their current impression of me is a little too close to borderline termination (ok it's just an exaggeration but ya idw to be a candidate for termination!!!!) ok so like i met han rly late, we only had about two hours to spend with each other before i start my shift and i was a tad bit grumpy because han sorta promised me meet me earlier today but i guess he was really tired or something. to the point that he even FORGOT that we're meeting early???? rly damn taik i want to punch him. i thought we can spend a little more time together today since we're always meeting during late afternoons but ughHh it was a botched. but i guess i should take 10% of the blame as well since i was about 15-20 mins late. honestly i was deciding what to wear and i was trying to dig out the company clothes from my narnia of a wardrobe (i own quite a fair bit of stuff from the company most of which i bought ages ago before i even started working for them but unfortunately, past seasons clothing pieces are not allowed even though they're bought from the company itself. i need more of their updated season clothing ughHhh). idk man i think i'm damn clingy or like what i heard han said, manja?? idk if there's a diff ah between those two words but?????? ok anyway then we went to have early dinner and i asked him what he wanted to eat and then he said "prata or smth" but when he came back to the table he was only carrying one plate and i got even grumpier bc i was like "then u not eating????" and then he's like "eating eating u makan abeh suap i pon we share" then i'm like??????? wtf i'm not eating alone???????? then he's like nO noooo i eat then i was like, is it u ate alr?????? then he just kept smiling that sheepish smile (the kinda smile that makes u wanna flick him bc u alr know the answer to ur own question) but ya apparently he alr ate chicken at home???? and i was like?????? and then we had a little mini argument bc he was being so passive aggressive about this person i added into ml squad and whom i followed on ig all lmaO so i decided like ok u know what i'm just gonna kick him outta the squad, unfriend and unfollow him ok and then he went all "noOoo i'm ok with it" but i still did it anyway bc idk i just can't stand his passive aggressiveness and then i asked him to honestly tell me???? if it bothers him and then he got all mad at me bc i kept asking and he alr said no but idk man deep down i still feel like a part of him wasn't feeling ok with it bc he raised the topic + even "joked" about how he's gonna do the same wtf idiot i want to puncH him but ok so i just decided to follow that feel i had and went ahead with what i've decided 😂 and then he ended up only taking a bite out of the plate of rice and i ate the rest of it. he complained that it was too spicy so he didn't want anymore (but lol i know it was just an excuse bc he's prolly too full) *rolls eyes* ok n then dayah told me that her class ended early so she was already at paya lebar but it was still a little early (we had about an hour or so to kill) so i asked her to come over to tamp instead and yes we were working the same shift today!!! i couldn't rly read han's expressions so idk if he actually mind or not the fact that i've just invited dayah over without asking him if it was ok but i guess he was ok w it??? bc he didn't seem to be showing any form of displeased during the whole journey to onekm. but u know what's the best thing of today? DAMN han actually waited for like me to end work today omg *cries tears of joy on the inside* and he hung around the store for a bit as well!!!! so i literally get to spend the whole day with him omg except i had to remain professional most of the time but ahHhhhh i love it!! just his presence alone makes my heart skip hehe (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) and then he tried on a couple pieces of clothing and fuckinG hell he i just can't deal w how good he looks in a plaid flannel man like doOoOdddd he looks foKin good so boyfriend look sia!!!!!!!! ok and then i was like i'm gonna buy this for u mi bb do u want it!!!! n he was like naaWww don't waste money i don't rly need it now but i was like????? fOK idc imma get it for u beb and he's like nooooo but he finally relented and was like ok fine fine hehe ok then fast forward ah to ending work time we had to tidy up everything then i asked him to help me put in the tags haahhaah and he rly did aiyo this boyo so qt i should pay him in kisses (alr did ;) heheeh) ok then he had to wait outside for me cus we officially close at 10 so he waited an hour for me omg fk i think his whole rs w me just consist of him mostly waiting for me sia hais but ok then U KNOW WHAT OR NOT WAH RLY DAMN SAD someone stole his recently bought clothing from the store wah damn dog istg if i catch that person i will ask him or her if she's rly that fokin poor to steal cb go work la!!!!!!! ok but then he said he dunno if he misplaced it then someone took it or smth but i was like???? even if u misplaced it that someone could have returned it to the lost and found area OR SMTH BUT NO THAT PERSON TOOK IT HOME WAH FK I WAS DAMN PANAS want to hurl abuse then i kinda took it out on the security guard lmaO sorry but idk la in the heat of the moment u know but money v precious now cannot anyhow throw. then after that we were walking to the bus stop n then han was like eh u suddenly so calm only and i was like ya i realized that nothing can be done even if i'm angry lol then he's like ya see this is why guys can handle things rationally unlike girls bc y'all let ur emotions take control of u (smth liddat ah idk) then i'm like????? ugh can't fight back bc it's true at least for me la. oh and the HAN PAID FOR THE TOPS ON HIS OWN ALSO OK like?? ok la one of it he wanted to buy for himself but the other one i meant to buy it for him omg like u know first pay gift (even tho its still about 6 more days till my first pay hahaha but since we're alr there then like advanced ah hehe) AND YA IDK LA JUST V ANGRY OK JUST NOW ok then we took the bus back and i asked him if i should get smth to eat then he's like "are u hungry?" and i was like nah just kinda wanna drink smth hahaahah and he was like lol?? bc i was alr holding onto a bottle of milk tea i bought before work. so we didn't get anything to eat or drink and then he sent me home!!!!!! oh and i also just started taking some fiber supplements today to help me with pooping regularly!!!!!! fuckin $70 for one box of 15 days fuck expensive but apparently to see any changes and rly have ur toxins in ur body rinse outta its intestines u gotta be on it for like 2-3 months at least wtf idk how long i must work to to pay for this expensive shit. and ya ofc i know i can just eat veggies but sorry fam ur girl isn't a fan of like 95% of veggies in the world ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ok gonna end this post abruptly bc im tired and this getting way tooooo long + it's alr 4:15am now hahahaahahha thank you bb!!!!! for waiting for me all the time and esp today bc u had to endure 4 hours of waiting for me to end work :') OH AND DID U KNOW!!! when he sent me home i was like sorry u had to wait for so long for me to end work :(((( then he's like "even if you don't have work i'll still wait for u" smth along that line la but hehe so cheesy so sweet this boy!!!! ok time to sleep goodnight!!!!!!! i love you ♥♥♥

[hellotvv]

Sad Sometimes

Sometimes when I think about how things ended, I get kinda sad... I understand everything happened and obviously things ended due to mistakes on both parties. But I guess endings are sometimes kinda really tragic. I guess, when I think back. I truly loved her, and really tried to show her that I loved her. I suppose a problem could be is that maybe I was really invested in some ways? I guess sometimes I was scared to lose her, since despite some really hard times, I really loved her and always believed that hey it’s not that hard to be happy together. I guess in the process of idk really trying, doing sacrifices, trying to be a good bf (in my eyes ofc, very subjective), and really loving her/caring about her. Sometimes it leads to fights actually o.o since I guess when you’re really committed/care about something, you naturally get more emotional. So I’d be worried about her potentially falling for another guy or maybe repeating past mistakes or when it seems like she doesn’t love me/care about me and etc, that I get upset. I guess I realize that interestingly from playing Smash. When I beat some of these players (really good at sm4sh nowadays lol), people sometimes get really upset from losing to me. One guy slammed the table O_O and really scared me. Other people get really frustrated and etc. I guess they really spend the time playing sm4sh and when you put so many hours in something and care about it, losing probably feels terrible. I can only imagine what it would feel like waiting all years for the olympics and do terrible at it. Oh man, would someone be a sad boy. I guess this applies to relationships too o_o. I think I brought this up to Stefanie once before, that sometimes our fights are legit because we just really care about each other/don’t want to lose each other/etc. Idk I guess from playing in a sm4sh tournie today, it gave me a random epiphany after seeing how upset my friend was and how he was actually nearly in tears for whatever reason for losing a really close match to someone he really wanted to beat. I mean, I wouldn’t cry over a video game, but ofc that’s just me. I’m not as invested in the game as some ppl are, so I can’t understand but I try to tho. I can recognize that hey, he probably tries really hard, puts in the hours, and really just wanna win or whatever. So when he fails, it feels awful especially after being really invested, so naturally he/other ppl will either be really sad/give up or angry or however they might deal with their emotions. From recognizing that, I guess it’s possible to take it as a lesson for relationships. Sometimes fights are dumb af, and sometimes it’s just because ppl care. Like maybe a fight is caused by a jealous SO, and it’s only because they care. Or someone is upset at something and wishes the other person stop doing it, so the relationship would improve. But sometimes that causes a fight in the process, but I mean at the end of the day the fight started since a person really cares about the relationship. I think Kai and her bf had that fight over uhh his seemingly no plans for Valentine’s Day, since it seemed like he didn’t really care about her/their first Valentine’s Day life milestone, while she really cared about him and the celebration. Ofc, sometimes fights might just be idk pure fights due to conflict/etc. But it’ll probably be important to sit down and think, hey we’re kinda having a fight right now, but it’s only because we really care about each other and wants the relationship to be successful/wants to be happy together. So in terms of application to me, I guess looking back sometimes I do admit fights were started by me, since I just really loved her and was just worried about losing her/that she doesn’t love me back/feeling insecure, since I just really cared. Also I need to learn that in the future, I should try better to recognize that fights are ok and prob just makes the relationship stronger/better and it’s not a bad thing, and that sometimes fights are dumb and start out of love/caring a lot about the other person/relationship.

So I guess back to why I’m a bit sad sometimes when I think about things ending. I guess, it’s sad, since I just really wanted to be happy with her. I just wanted to do the things on our todo list, I just wanted to celebrate more life milestones with her, I just wanted her to look only at me, be able to do cute coupley things with her, and idk just go the distance like how I imagined we would sometimes. I do agree, when thinking about the future, it sometimes does seem hard due to issues. But I guess sometimes when you focus too hard on the future or think about it too much, things become ughhh. Like when I think about certain problems too much, I just make it out to be much worst than it really is O_O overthinking yo... Sometimes I realize I just gotta take things one day at a time, face my problems slowly, and things will generally work out. If not, at least I’m less stress/worried, which generally leads to better chances of solving problems! Interestingly enough, sometimes I think the relationship would have improved a bit more given time together. I ended up being far too free uh last quarter, this quarter kinda ehh busy, and etc. I have a really great solid group of friends (multiple diff friend groups) and parties that I go to that I could have introduced her to/invited her to. I’m going to have my own studio apartment/single apartment next year, so no more housemates :( Uhh, pretty down to live in Asia one day, due to multitude of reasons. Got pretty into chinese culture and read a ridiculous amount of chinese novels and learned a bunch of chinese idioms (http://www.wuxiaworld.com/chinese-idiom-glossary/) I read modern novels too and been considering watching some dramas. Uhm, idk have even more cool hobbies to share/teach about. I definitely stepped up on fitness game, legit like 138 lbs now from like 155 O_O. I was like 140ish freshmen year? I’d like to think that I became slightly more mature as time goes by too! I got better at photography and could have been a weird boy like the93044 and make an ig of just cool pics of gf lol. Uhh, I became slightly less picky of an eater. Grew to really like chicken, uhm slowly liking fish more, steaks, learned about even more cool food places, and etc. Idk making good progress! I also watch a good amount of cooking videos and been slowly working on that (really slowly tho lol). I baked a cake the other day, make pasta sometimes, cook rice pretty often, eat better, make eggs/omelettes, cooked a steak actually wowow, helped kristy cook salmon, quesadillas, and idk been slowly improving :OO. I’d like to get into cooking/baking more, and watch quite a bit. But idk generally too lazy/low motivation to cook if it’s just for myself lol. If I had another person to cook for, I’d be a lot more motivated. Uhm, I’m not super arts and craftsy, but I subscribed to this channel and was super down to make this box one day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRWtS06OI0A  maybeee I’ll get a chance to make this box one day, and it’ll be prob a sick gift for a SO!! :^) Idk, I try to constantly improve myself, so the next step in my handmade creative gifts would probably be that box! Jessica told me it’s not too hard to make, even tho it does seem overwhelming when watching it, and most materials can just be obtained from Michaels or Amazon~ Uhh, what else have improved about myself... Uhm, friends, hobbies, food/cooking/baking, arts and crafts/gifts, fitness, uhh I dress pretty much relatively the same with some wardrobe expansion (nott that much in the past 6 months), maybe maturity, some more free time, and idk? Idk what else comes to mind. Maybe slowly figuring out relationships more, myself, other people, and etc..? I guess that’s maturity tho. Uhm, my room got way cooler lol... ;-; I have posters and 6 foot bean bag chair, sick gaming chair, comfy bed, 2nd monitor, two laptops, ipad pro, and idk :( kinda cool room.. I still have a unique diction, and apparently very trendy/catchy. Since when ppl hang out with me, they start copying how I talk lol. Since I say, hii frend or fam or lit or cancer or lavish or sad boys or study boys or broads or you deserve it or idk what else I say at the top of my head. But lol legit 80% of my friends copy what I say nowadays :3 Kinda cool. Hmhm, idk what else improved about me, but I think I could have been an even better SO for her given some more time. 

I feel like I should recap my weekend, but it’s like super ehhh .-. like eventful, but not very lit. Maybe later on when it’s more lol~ Need to buy beyond ticket still tho with friends :O and decide on a cool airbnb to stay at together. Still miss her and wish she was in my life sometimes too :( and I guess that’s all for this weekend blog post with 0 recap, since .-. days