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askinkiskarma · 2 years ago

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𝕄𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕄𝕖 | ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕍: 𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕀𝕟 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝕀'𝕞 𝕄𝕒𝕕𝕖

Pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!Reader

synopsis: Neteyam's actions leave you aching and shamed, and life is made difficult by your attempts to avoid him at all costs, until it dawns on you that, much like your entire relationship, nothing good ever happens without reciprocation.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death), smut (oral - m receiving, orgasm denial), strong language, neteyam and reader being horrible to each other lol

wc: 6.4k words

a/n: we're in it now, besties. the plot thickens, much like reader/neteyam's steamy enmity and desire for each other. i hope you enjoy this chapter, and as always, thank you for asking to be tagged, commenting, sending me asks, it really keeps me going and i appreciate you so so much (thank you very much also to @cinetrix for her amazing Neteyam art and the prompt which inspired me so much and got me out of my writer's block ily bestie x)

na'vi compendium: yawne - beloved, Tsakarem - Tsa'hik in training, ketuwong - alien, txepvi - spark, teylupil - teylu-face, kurkung - asshole, skxawng - idiot, eveng - child, tsìltsan rewon - good morning, Oel ngati kameie - I see you, sa'nok - mother, ite - daughter, srane - yes, kä - go, Olo'eykte - female Olo'eyktan, tam-tam - calm, mawey - calm, oare - moon

: ̗̀➛ previous chapter (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series playlist (x)

I'm only whatever you make me And you make me more and more a villain every day But you don't know, you reap, you sow Whatever you give to me, from yourself, you take Well, if you're a hater, then hate the creator It's in your image I'm made

The absence of his fingers, of him, from you, as he abandoned you, with your thoughts and insecurities, left you in a state of deep shock and shame - so much so, it took a good hour to finally get the strength to move the few steps it took to get to your tent.

Your mind was spinning with more thoughts then it could process, and as you continued worrying about the consequences of your actions, about all the ways Neteyam would find new ways to torture you and make you miserable, as you reeled from the ache that settled deep in your core from the emptiness he left behind, as you tried to understand the convoluted ways his mind worked and the reason he would ever do something like this to begin with, you found consciousness slipping away from you and in no time, you were asleep, taunted by dreams that you couldn’t find in you to call nightmares anymore, dreams about him finishing the job. At least in these dreams, you were safe, and he was nice, and his touch healed instead of breaking you further and further each day. You realise now it’s not what happens in these dreams that makes you think of them as nightmares, it’s the reality juxtaposed against them that sours their taste on your mind. It’s funny how even the purest, happiest moments can turn to ashes in your mouth when the backdrop is haunting and inimical.

It was evening when you woke, and the headache that accompanied your newfound conscious state was heightened by Lo’ak’s harsh voice, as he shook you back to a reality that still ached, that couldn’t have been better than the fantasies you just left behind.

“Lo’ak, stop shaking her, just give her a second.”

“Look, we have no time for pleasantries. She’s going to thank me for this.”

“Teylupil. Kurkung. Skxawng.” You curse in a hoarse, barely audible whisper, eliciting a laugh from Kiri and an exasperated groan from her little brother.

“Is this how you talk to the man that’s going to save you from an evening of misery?”

“What’re you talking about, you irksome little -“

“Just get up and I’ll tell you. What’re you doing asleep at this hour anyway?”

“Kiri, remove your brother before I remove him, and take one or two fingers with me.”

“Come on, Lo’ak, let’s make sure you’re still alive by Eclipse.”

You rose from your mat with a small wince as your head throbbed in pain.

“Are you alright?” Kiri’s hand was cold and soothing against your skin, and you placed your own hand on top of hers, grateful that she was here, if not for anything else, to dilute the intensity of Lo’ak’s personality while you were still recovering your strength. You couldn't look at your two favourite Sully siblings properly, not when the shame stung and dulled your senses, not when their eyes would remind you of his, and what you did.

“I’m fine, just… tired. I… broke up with O’i’en. Or actually, I guess he broke up with me.”

“Shit. Did he find out?”

You considered how much you should tell your friends about what transpired, knowing they’d have questions, knowing the answers might lead to more questions, some of which you couldn’t possible begin to explain.

“Yeah… Neteyam told him.”

“Fuck. I still don’t know what you possibly ever did to make Neteyam, who happens to be the most boring and calm person to walk this planet, so angry at you.”

You scoffed at Lo’ak’s statement, so obvious and speaking to a mystery that has plagued you for the last 7 years.

“Yeah… I love living my life paying for an imaginary slight he feels the need to remind me of every day.”

He thought about it for a second, his fingers stroking his chin in an obviously exaggerated contemplative manner.

“How do you know it’s imaginary if you don’t know what it is?”

The roll of your eye reminded you briefly of the headache that tried you, and how it was getting worse with each passing second you had to entertain this conversation.

“Look, even if it’s not, don’t you think it’s a little extreme?”

With a raise of his shoulders, Lo’ak continued.

“I guess… but it’s not like you make it easier for yourself.”

You felt your anger picking up speed, making your pulse quicken and heat rise in your cheeks.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you are just as bad to him. You’re both horrible to each other. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hilarious and we all get a kick out of it, but - OUCH, KIRI!” Lo’ak yelped in pain as soon as his sister’s elbow found its way in his ribs, and the theatrics continued as he collapsed on his side, until his head was on your lap.

“You’re the worst.”

“I still maintain my view that you both just need to fuck. Maybe this mateship is going to be the solution to all your problems.”

The flush of your cheeks brought about by anger only deepened at his words, that instilled memories that you still didn’t know whether you were trying to forget or imprint on your brain, memories that had no business flashing in front of your mind’s eye now, memories that might infer the beginning of the end of the world: Lo’ak finally being right about something.

“Yeah, cause what successful lifelong commitment hasn’t started with two people who despise each other?” You didn’t want to harp on a subject that you’d do everything to never have to talk about again, so you quickly changed the subject.

“Moving on. Why are you guys here?”

The two siblings exchanged awkward looks.

“Mum, dad and grandma were talking about you and Neteyam… about the ceremony and everything.” You could tell Kiri felt uncomfortable talking about the subject, and you were happy at least one of them was sensitive to the situation. “They want to sit you both down and pick a date. Grandma said something about the sooner the better. We thought you’d rather eat a Talioang tongue than do that, so we came to give you a heads up.”

Well, so much for changing the subject. You groaned, moving Lo’ak out of the way so you can raise your knees and place your head in between them, trying to make the world stop shaking and your heart stop trying to escape out of your chest. This can’t be happening. Not so soon.

“What did Neteyam say?”

“Neteyam hasn’t returned home, which isn’t like him. Have you seen him at all today?”

“No.” You lied.

That was weird. Why would Neteyam not return home? It’s not like he had any reason to hide, unlike you. You’d think he’d be the first one back in the tent, waiting to see if you’d show up for dinner, with a smug smirk plastered on his face, so ready and willing to taunt you for your momentary lapse in judgement and for being able to rub in the fact he won one more battle in your never-ending war, that until now was even, but now, felt completely thrown off balance.

“Do you want to get out of here?” The magic words, spoken to you almost like in a dream, pulling you out of your intense musings about the speaker’s older brother.

“It’s almost eclipse. You’re gonna get in trouble.”

Lo’ak snickered and rolled his eyes, almost upset that you would ever think that’s something he should care about.

“Come on. We can go to the labs, chill with the humans for a night.”

“As tempting as that is, I don’t think aiding and abetting the Olo’eyktan’s kids to leave after curfew is going to improve my situation in any way. You should go back. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lo’ak huffed and puffed, but did as he was told, not before he left you with one last nugget of information.

“By the way, Norm and Max intercepted some new intel about a mission the ketuwong are planning. It’s in two days. Dad wants us all in strategy meetings and training all day tomorrow. That includes you. As soon as eclipse is over.”

“Roger that. Now go.” You kissed both of them on their foreheads, and watched as they left you with your thoughts.

Questions and worries plagued your mind, all, like most times, revolving around the oldest Sully sibling. Ponderations of how or why, of when or what, all swirling, all fluttering away, none of them settling enough to be thought about in detail, all of them flailing about, knocking every other thought from your consciousness until you were a panted mess of breaths and ringing heartbeats. You couldn’t be here.

Curfew has always been more of a suggestion to you than an order, so with that mentality deeply embedded in you still, you picked up your knife and bow and made your way out, walking past the Sully tent and into the thick forest, to a place you haven’t been in since that night Mo’at announced your engagement. You tried to shake the unnerved feeling that still haunted you as you remembered what last transpired there.

As you trekked past foliage and snuck past apex predators that were out hunting for the night, you eventually reached the meadow you've always loved so much. You didn't have time to breathe out a sigh a relief as you noticed a navy blue form turned away from you, toned, muscular back full on display. You would always recognise this body and the man who inhabited it, now and forever, as long as you would live, but still, you almost couldn't believe what your eyes were clearly showing you.

Neteyam was deep in thought as his feet dangled in the lake in which you liked to bathe and relax normally, that used to be a sacred place for you, one more thing he ruined in the time you've known him. He didn't hear you, you realise suddenly, and you were glad. He was the last person you wanted to see and you didn't know what you were feeling in this moment as you watched him, so unlike the Neteyam you always got to experience, so far removed from the man that always had his guard on around you, that was smug and arrogant, and primed to hurt you with every possibility that presented itself to him. This felt more like the Neteyam you used to know and love, that everyone else still gets to know and love, that you hear so much about on a day to day basis - the peaceful Neteyam, the considerate and shy Neteyam, the golden son, the epitome of what made the Omaticaya special.

You stayed hidden in the shrubbery that concealed the meadow, just watching him, and as the time continued, you found yourself relaxing, your own thoughts percolating and settling one at a time, until you processed as many of them as you had the strength to. A few things became clear to you. The priority right now were the Sky People. You had to fight, and you had to do it well - too many people relied on you for you to give anything else than your 100%. Neteyam was a distraction you couldn't afford - not right now, and not until this was done. Avoiding him at all costs seemed like the smart thing to do. Revenge could wait... for a little while. You pushed the reminder of the ceremony discussion from your brain. You didn't have enough power to consider the implications of the talk the Sully patriarch and matriarchs wanted to have with you and Neteyam. It was too soon.

Other things, you were more confused about than ever. In the end, you left with more questions than you came with, leaving him to his own devices, knowing you'll soon regret not having gotten at least a couple hours sleep before the two days ahead, both difficult, both with enough power to take more from you than you were willing to ever lose.

Why is he here?

What is he thinking about?

Were you on his mind at all?

Did you even want to be?

Could you stand it if you weren't?

You made it back to the village right as Jake and Neytiri came out, a sleepy, uncooperative Lo'ak following close behind.

"Ma eveng, tsìltsan rewon. Oel ngati kameie."

"Oel ngati kameie, sa'nok."

Neytiri made her way to you with wide, gentle steps. She always reminded you of these humans you once saw in a video the scientists showed you when you were younger, called ballerinas. She had so much poise, so much gentle, quiet power, that you have tried to emulate your entire life. Despite it paining you to admit, Neytiri was more your mother, more a role model, than your own mother ever had been. When she reached you, her hands found your face, that she stroked gently, running her thumbs under your eyes.

"Please tell me you've slept, 'ite."

Your tail stilled midair as you were caught red-handed, and you knew you either had to lie, a concept only familiar to you after being around humans, and one that you have to admit you found useful in certain circumstances, or deal with a long lecture, that you were much too tired for.

"Srane, sa'nok."

She gave you a skeptical look, one that told you she didn't quite believe you, but knew better than to probe, at least not in front of the Olo'eyktan, who would give you the ass kicking of a lifetime if he knew you weren't going to give your 110% over the following days.

"Kä. Get your bow and quiver and meet us on the training grounds."

You did as you were told, changing quickly while you were at it, realising briefly you have been in the same garbs for a long time now, something your mum would have told you off about. She always looked her best, always beautiful and presentable, always the most sought-after woman in the village. She had no grand aspirations, not like you, or like your father, who wanted nothing more for you than to be a warrior and a fighter, to be the best of the best, the best of them all. If it was up to him, you would be Olo'eykte. You tried to make both of them proud in their own ways - your mother, by continuing her secret weaving technique and always wearing the special garbs that only your family knew how to make, and your father, by becoming the pride and prodigy of your clan, and sharing that title with only one other person, none other than the prince of the Omaticaya.

Your heart picked up pace as you reached the grounds and in front of his parents stood Neteyam, looking perfect as always, not a single stray hair on his head, his braids flowing softly in the wind and chiming when the beads adorning them knocked into each other. You've always loved Neteyam's hair. It was always perfectly braided, and so weirdly emotive and... alive, sometimes looking like it moved on its own accord, a little like the tail that you saw moving in a circle, a sign he was not happy - what else was new?

When Jake spotted you, he nodded in your direction, which made everyone's attention shift to you, including his, and when his eyes trailed over your body, widening minutely, mouth slightly agape, you felt your cheeks burn and ears twitch nervously. He gained composure as quickly as he lost it, the slightly taken aback expression far removed from the one now displayed on his face, that he reserved for you, that you hated with every fibre of your being. The moment of vulnerability you witnessed yesterday was long gone, replaced by his usual contempt he liked to emanate as soon as you entered his personal bubble. You wondered if he was gonna rub your nose in it, if he was going to declare it to the world, let his friends know that you were another name to add to the catalogue of women he's fucked, or if he wouldn't want anyone to know - his little secret, only for his twisted mind to keep and thrive on. Your own mind tortured you with scenarios, each one worse than the last, before Jake pulled you out of your nightmarish thoughts.

"Kid. Come on, now, you can't go all mellow on me today. Tomorrow's a big one, I need you here, I need you with me. Can I count on you?"

"Yes, sir."

By the end of the day, that now went well into the night, you were more tired than you could remember being in years, and between the strategising meetings, the weapon training, the military drill exercises, and the hand to hand combat that Jake insisted would, at some point in your life, become useful, your brain was fried and your body sore and covered in mud and twigs.

The dirt that covered every inch of you was the kind which would stick to your skin and your hair for days on end, without any sliver of hope that it could get removed. You knew your braids were ruined, and so were your garbs, that you worked so hard for, that were all you had left of your family and your ancestors. It was a good day, you tried to remind yourself. A successful day. That’s all that mattered -not your clothes, nor the man that you were trying to avoid like he was a plague, or his gaze, or the heat that emanated from his body, or the memory of his fingers or his torturous ministrations.

“Good job today, both of you. Now go wash the muck off of you at the river and be back in 30 minutes so we can go over it and discuss what went right and what could have gone better. Dismissed.”

“Um- can I go to the lake instead?” The thought of being alone with Neteyam made your skin crawl. Is that what that was? It had to be. Skin crawling… yes, not goosebumps and shivers down your spine. Skin crawling…

You cringed a little at Jake’s expression, and his raised eyebrow which most of the time, and especially now, indicated annoyance or grievance.

“The lake is far, plus you wouldn’t be able to make it back in 30 minutes, kid. And it’s still dark. Is there a reason the normal river is not to your taste anymore?”

Your tail stopped in its tracks at his slight admonishment, ears pushed back so far, they were flat against your head. You hated disappointing Jake, almost as much as you hated Neteyam.

“No, sir.”

At the sight of you, Jake’s expression melted away and was replaced with a soft smile, one exclusively reserved for his kids. He approached you quietly and patted your head affectionately.

“That’s what I thought. Now come on, off you go, you little troublemaker.”

It was a short trek to the river that most Na’vi used as a personal bathing station, that was now deserted for the night. The training lasted longer than expected, and you knew eclipse would be over in a short couple of hours. You felt Neteyam’s eyes boring into your back and you did everything in your power to forget that he was there, but alas, it was near impossible when his presence overwhelmed your every sense, when it took over any thought in your mind, when the embarrassment of your encounter still rings painfully in you, telling you to run, or hide, or get your petty little revenge so he stopped having the upper hand in this scenario. The latter option, much as it has for years now, seems like the most obvious, the most alluring one.

The devious plan, that was just a slight variation of his own, as it usually was, was taking a more defined form in your mind with each passing second, especially after remembering the little human snap bracelets that were stronger than any Na'vi rope you owned, that were light and easy to carry, and that you conveniently happened to have in the little pouch that dangled from your waist. You just needed the perfect opportunity, and you believed in making your own luck.

Without looking behind you, you got into the river, purposefully bending until your hands reached your ankles, that you started rubbing and cleaning, taking your time as you moved slowly upwards, your ass fully on display for the male you knew would be watching, as he, too, was cleaning the day off him.

"Can you be any more obvious, yawne? You might as well have a 'fuck me' sign plastered all over you. Is that all it took, three fingers in that pretty cunt and you forgot you hate me?"

You ignored his words and continued cleaning yourself, until you were so squeaky clean, someone could eat off your body, which now, you felt like you craved more than food itself.

When you were done, you got out of the river, once more trying to be as sensual and inviting as you could, and you smirked as you heard him get out as well, his presence inundating your senses as he approached you, the way it always did.

"Are you finally going to apologise and behave? I knew you would event-"

You quickly turned and pushed him backwards, until he fell, a pained gasp escaping his lips as his back made contact with a tree. The snap of the cuffs was more satisfying than you would ever care to admit as they tightened around his hand, and almost as satisfying to you as his realisation of what you’ve done, of the fact that he was trapped, at your disposal, at your mercy.

“Let me out.” The growl he let out was low and feral, unamused at best and frightening at worst. Lucky for you, you’ve never really been scared of Neteyam. The smirk that blossomed on your face deepened as you watched him, squirming and pulling at the cuffs with all his might, getting angrier with every second he couldn’t untie himself. His tail was moving furiously behind him, slapping his calf with erratic, uncoordinated movements.

“You know, Neteyam... For far too long now, it felt like you had control over our dynamic. I hated it, every day, feeling weaker than you. When you came and grabbed me by the throat, it was the first time in my life I almost felt scared of you. When you came and told O’í'en about us, I felt almost like life was slipping away from my grasp and you were the quicksand through which it was falling. When you… when we-“ it took you a while to compose yourself and subside the purple stain of your cheeks as you remembered how he left you. “You made me feel things I have never felt before. And then you left. And I felt almost ashamed. I had just got out of a serious relationship, I broke someone’s heart, and all I could think of, was your fingers. I felt weak, and I hate feeling weak.”

You took advantage of the way he was entranced by your words, too focused on you for anything else, and took his other hand and tied it on an opposing branch.

“Fuck! Let me go!” His legs were thrashing in front of him as he struggled to undo the human contraption, but if there’s one thing you learned, is that humans knew how to imprison and hurt other beings the best, and for once, you didn’t mind taking a page from their books.

“Tsk tsk tsk… no, Neteyam, what do you say?”

“Fucking let me go, you little -“

“Mmm…” you pretended to think about it for a while. “No… i don’t think that’s it. Y’want to try again?”

He hissed at you, a hiss that sounded more like a roar than anything else, and heat ignited in your core at its sound, mighty and powerful, wild and untamed. Still, you kept your composure and the sweet smile that you knew would anger him further.

“No, that’s not either. You say ‘please’.”

You knelt in between his thighs, thick and muscular, and put a hand on each one, steadying yourself as you found yourself on your knees, heart thundering in your chest at your plan, that, despite the adrenaline, seemed more and more deranged with every passing second. His breath stilled at your touch, as did his body, his legs now limp on either side of you. His expression shifted, from one of unadulterated anger to pure shock, and a flicker of muted awe, eyes wide and mouth agape, canines tucked away behind his beautiful lips, that he wet with a swipe of his tongue.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing, Ne-te-yam?”

Your fingers dug in the meat of his lower limbs, thumb trailing over his inner thighs as you moved upwards, massaging him, stopping right before the part of him you itched to touch most, smiling to yourself as his breath laboured with every inch transversed. You wrapped your slender digits around his loincloth, making quick work of the knot that would have been safe from most other people, but not you - you and Neteyam learnt this knot together, back when you were still you and he was still him. Back when he loved you. No matter how much he wanted to forget you and what you meant to each other, he would never be able to, because you’ll always be there to use those memories - that he banished from the night of his mind - against him.

“You see, Neteyam… I’m not the most creative person, unlike you.”

His cock sprung free and you swallowed a gasp along with the saliva that gathered instantly in your mouth. He was huge, and for the first time in your life, you found yourself thinking… pretty, too. There was something almost ethereal about him, deep contrasted stripes running alongside his length, the pattern of his luminous freckles so exciting, you wanted to run your fingers… or your tongue, over them, connecting them with your mind to uncover the pattern it would form, one you wouldn’t mind getting to know over and over again, until it was imprinted into you, into your skin, into your mouth.

You looked at him, back against the bark of a tree, just as yours had been before, his arousal, that he tried to hard to mask on his face, given away by the endless pits that were his pupils, which almost completely swallowed his beautiful golden-green irises.

“Let. Me. Go. Or I swear to Eywa, I will make you pa-“

“Pay, yes, yes.. I’ve heard the speech before. And you know what? I know you’ll make me pay. You’re good at that. You like to think of these new ways to ruin my life, all inventive and new, all of them difficult to stomach and so, so pleasurable for you at the time, aren’t they? Yes… I’m not very creative, so keep in mind that anything I ever do, is your burden to carry… yawne. You made me, everything you hate about me, everything I hate about myself…”

You wrap your fingers around his cock, hard and throbbing under your touch, and watch as he throws his head back and lets out a small, intemperate groan.

“… I learnt from you.”

Slowly, you start moving up and down along his shaft, taking your time, observing every twitch of the muscles of his face, all the ways he was trying to refrain himself from giving into the pleasure that was wearing his resolve down. His eyes were so tightly shut, you wondered if it hurt, and you hoped it did. You hoped it all hurt, just as it hurt you. You turn your attention back to his cock, that was throbbing in your hand, and noticed the glowy liquid now covering the slit of his pink-purplish mushroomy tip.

“Am I making you feel good, yawne? I must be, since you’re dripping all over my fingers.” The sense of deja-vu couldn’t be lost on the male writhing beneath you, and you hoped every second of the incident was playing through his mind, like it has been in yours, ever since it happened. Not being able to contain yourself any longer, you sank down until your lips wrapped around him, the sweet taste of his precum staining your tongue as you swirled it around his tip, licking it clean. The moan that escaped him was music to your ears, erotic and sonorous and so unbridled, despite his best efforts, that it spurred you on, that it made you want to explore every inch of him until every striation of his cock was imprinted on your throat.

And so you did. Your mouth stretched to accommodate for his length and girth, too big for even your best efforts, and your hand wrapped around his base to reach what your mouth couldn't. You gagged as his hips bucked upwards, driving his cock deeper down your throat, until the tip was tickling the back of it. You stopped yourself from thinking about your heart skipping alternate beats as soon as his tail wrapped tightly around your thigh, almost as if claiming you, bringing you closer to him, attaching himself to you, almost if his body was telling you a secret he tried his hardest to repress, one that he could never speak out loud.

You could tell he was itching to free his hand, to entangle his fingers in your hair and use you as his own personal toy. He was itching for the control he desperate craved when it came to you, that you denied him, that you now had over him, that made him weak and puny under your touch.

You hallowed your cheeks as you devoted everything you had to sucking him off, the saliva pooling down his shaft and balls facilitating the bob of your head, that got faster and deeper the longer you did it, the longer his moans, that could no longer be contained inside of him, filled your favourite meadow and your ears, nestling in your body and making their way to your core, that ached and throbbed, that begged you to ride his cock until you were both just a limp mess of limbs on the mossy ground. Your movements met his synchronously, working in perfect harmony, as his heels dug into the ground and he started wildly thrusting in your mouth, his self-control long gone, as the pleasure reached new zeniths and you knew he was close to orgasm.

"F-fuck! Fuck, oh, please!"

Hearing him beg brought you to the brink of your own release, and with a couple more strokes, you released him from your mouth with a pop, sucking on his tip just a little extra, as if he was your own personal lollipop, just like the ones Norm introduced you to as a child. This one was so much better, though.

His eyes opened wildly as the lack of stimulation registered in his mind, chest heaving and mouth open, tail untangling from your body and thrashing violently, as the high came crashing down abruptly, just like yours had. You smiled, flicking your index finger over your lips and chin, gathering the remnants of his arousal before you closed your lips over it, sucking on it enthusiastically, eyes locked onto his own, dark and feral, and for the first time in a really long while, completely lost in you.

“You taste fucking amazing, tsxepvi. Maybe next time, if you apologise and behave, you’ll actually get to cum.”

You got up from your spot on the ground, removing your knife from its sheath and bringing it to one of the cuffs that looked like it had marked his wrist, and with a careful swipe, you freed him. Without sparing him a second look, you turned around and walked away, speaking as you left him, still shackled by one hand, naked and vulnerable, happy with yourself, unwilling to consider yet again the consequences of your actions and how the fear of retaliation, that you knew would be painful and ghastly, would hit you with enough intensity to cower you, just as soon as the adrenaline wore off.

"I trust you can get yourself untied... yawne. See you on the battlefield."

A few hours later, you could barely think straight, by the time you were preparing your beautiful ikran for battle, as she was dutifully waiting on you to finish, trilling softly whenever you pet her in between chores.

“Tam, tam, Oare.”

You felt guilty at the way you’ve handled the past few days, as images of O’i’en swirled in your tired, progressively drowsier mind, at how it took you no time to do… everything you did with a man you hated, a man that more and more it seemed your ex was somewhat right about, despite how much you wanted to banish the thought into the pits of Hell, where it belonged. You started to regret the fact you have not taken the opportunity to sleep when the opportunity presented itself to you, and now you were about to go into one of the most dangerous missions of your life, one that may even infer the future of your clan, worn-out and distracted, body trembling under the weight of your mistakes.

You spotted the man that affected you in ways no one else seemed capable to, face and body painted in war patterns, just like yours was, and winced a little when you realised he was already watching you, deep hatred imbued in his features - you knew there and then you were in for a world of pain, if you ever survived this mission to begin with. It actually hurt, thinking of all the ways he could still make your life a living nightmare, his ingenuity knowing little bounds and never diminishing throughout the years.

“You ready, kid? I need my little star in tip-top shape today. We’re all counting on you, you know?”

Jake’s voice, usually soothing and calming, was grating to your ears, although you had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t the voice itself as much as what the voice uttered, words that you didn’t want to hear at all, words that pushed you near the brink of collapse, whose weight you always almost buckled under, but now, with everything else going on, brought you to your knees. Still, you nodded, the desire to please and make him proud of you outweighing anything else you wanted to say, like asking for permission to sit this one out, like how, right now, you felt more like a liability than an asset. You had to do this, and you would, because they needed you, because they relied on you.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He tapped the little choker that was tied around your neck. “Make sure this is on, alright?”

“Yes, sir.”

The war cries echoed through the Hallelujah mountain as the full might of the Omaticaya clan erupted through the floating rocks, bearing down on the helicopters and ships that were looking and scanning for signs of life, that were ready and armed to kill and torture, to destroy and burn life to the ground. On top of your ikran, bow tight in your hand, you normally felt unstoppable. You were unstoppable. Before you even had time to register it, 3 helicopters fell at Neytiri, Jake and Neteyam's hands, crashing into the mountains before exploding into nothingness, never to be seen again.

In the midst of all the chaos, you tried not to think about how hard it was to control Oare, how your own frenzied, disruptive consciousness was affecting her ability to fly and focus, how that in turn was making you miss shots you would have never missed otherwise, how that was further weakening your state, the whole endeavour a vicious cycle you saw no escape from.

"Mawey... mawey." you couldn't tell if you were talking to your ikran or to yourself, as you pet her gently, trying to return you both to a state in which you could be present and useful, the way you were expected to be.

The sudden pain that rushed over you was excruciating, worse than anything you’ve ever felt, worse than all your previous injuries put together, and with a trumping heart and fear poisoning your blood, that felt like it was spilling out of your body more with each passing second, you looked down at yourself, trying to assess the situation. There was nothing. The pain deepened as soon as realisation hit that the fatal wound and the ache that followed wasn’t yours, although it might as well have been.

“No…” your beautiful ikran, that has been with you every day of your life since you were 12, that not only witnessed, but facilitated every one of your victories, that was integral part of your life and happiness, that made you feel seen and understood, let out a screech so loud and filled with anguish, one that would haunt you for the rest of your life, that settled in your bone marrow and will forever have a home there, until your last day on this planet.

As she drew her last breath, you felt every ounce of happiness dissipate from your being, along with any sense of self, any sense of purpose. You had no time to dwell on your immense loss, not as your queues broke apart with her departure from this plane, leaving you in a free fall that would make sure that while you lost your sister, you would be following her close behind. The last thing you saw before you felt darkness enveloping you was Neteyam, and your last thought was how you must have imagined his panicked look and the tortured howl that left his body, as his hand reached out for you, his own ikran diving towards your falling form at full speed.

I sleep with one eye open and one eye closed 'Cause I'll hang myself if you give me rope I lost all my faith and lost all hope That everything means anything at all

taglist: @fanboyluvr @theycallmesia @afro-hispwriter @soleilmoon @crazy4books1 @bakugouswaif@randxmthxughts @xreadersstuff @sirezaya @kimberlyshailany-blog @gyuventure @jujudsmyst @kikookii @nxptury @nonniesworld @koing-slvt @bakugouswaif @isnt-itstrange @tpwkforevermore @alahamums @tallulah477 @gknj9495@aquamarine001 @itssomeonereading @yumimak@sweetbread-m@eqgroil @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @juneonhoth @yagirlheree @jackiehollanderr @legendarynoodlebowl @iameatingmyhair @justasimps-blog @hannabanana-09 @xylianasblog @misscaller06 @yeosxxx @myh3artttt @teyamsbitch

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justheretoposttrash · 6 months ago

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day 5 of meandering about endeavor (and briefly hawks)--(taking a more meta-look at the fandom with this one):

i find it fascinating and honestly sorta cool that the fandom is so divided on endeavor in a way that lines up well with how people are divided on his character within the text itself.

the responses are certainly not black-and-white or binary, but it's easiest for me to give the examples of hawks and natsuo as sorta opposite ends of the spectrum. many endeavor fans are similar to hawks--enjoying his cooler moments while also greatly appreciating how much he puts himself through in his efforts to change for the better (as an aside, i do find it hilarious how many endeavor fans enjoy seeing that man beat the shit out of and actively suffering. kinky lol). endeavor haters, on the other hand, generally want nothing to do with his character (while some even say that they want him to die, when it comes to fictional people in a story, that's basically the equivalent of "keep this guy far away from me"). the need for unequivocal and complete separation from his character is similar to what natsuo wants and sticks with in the story (although he does have his moments of sensitivity regarding his father, in spite of this).

i think that the reasoning behind irl fans and the characters also often align. for hawks, it's incredibly inspiring and gratifying to see that someone is willing to put in the work to change, even if doing so will be difficult and often unrewarding. the worse the actions are, the more painful the upward climb becomes, but also the more crazy it is that the person in question is willing to make that climb in the first place. i've noticed a lot of endhawks fans in particular really finding a lot of personal healing through exploring these ideas, whether they want to change for the better themselves, or they wish those in their life who'd hurt them would be willing to grow as people the way endeavor's character does. sure, there are some people who gloss over the terrible things that he's done, but many seem to enjoy actively engaging with what he's done and working through what it means for them.

for natsuo, it's not just about it being "too little, too late", though that's definitely a big part--but also that he as a person cannot have a relationship with his father while keeping himself safe and healthy. a lot of real-life relationships end up this way, especially between parent and child once the child reaches adulthood, and it's a very healthy boundary to set. for irl people engaging with fiction that triggers similar emotions, this looks more like ignoring, not engaging with, or wishing for the removal of the character activating them---and if that "boundary"-esque wall can't be drawn, if they repeatedly are unable to avoid the character's presence, this often wells up as anger and turns into venting, which is only natural if you're being bombarded with a stimulus that you feel unable to control. (sure, blocking and filtering tags is available, but algorithms can be incredibly confounding/unavoidable, not everyone remembers to tag their stuff perfectly every time, and in this case, the maligned character plays an incredibly crucial and central role in the canon material itself--so if you want to consume, y'know, mha, you have to grapple with a text that at best isn't always for you, or at worst occasionally betrays you.)

i don't mean to overstate my case--a lotta ppl like stuff or hate stuff without questioning it--but i think in the case of this one particular character, a lot of nuance tends to emerge, and there's a lot of potential there for analysis/learning. I also think that some conflict and friction becomes inevitable between disagreeing fans regarding endeavor's character. naturally, your average person getting crushed in the gears of day-to-day life is going to feel hurt when they're accused of not engaging with the thing that brings them much-needed comfort in the "correct" way, especially if they have indeed been putting a lot of work into thoughtfully engaging with it behind-the-scenes. it's also difficult to give people you disagree with the benefit of the doubt, bc honestly there are plenty of wild takes or arguments made in bad faith out there--and very few ppl want to wade through a bunch of cortisol-spiking statements just to find one that is reasonable enough but that still might be disagreeable to them.

it's likewise interesting to see the reactions of people either calling hawks a murderer and hating on his character, or claiming he did nothing wrong and that twice shouldn't have fought/deserved to die (and while i can understand wanting to defend silly bbygirl birdman, man oh man would hawks not be happy with the latter take if he were a Real Boy). i don't believe either group comprises the majority of mha fans by a longshot, but there's still enough that i've noticed these little trends in one pocket of the internet or amother. i got nothin prescriptive here, i just find it all interesting to talk about.

lastly, i wanna say that, while telling stories from the POV of an abuser and trying to give them sympathy at the same time is so often a gross and very Bad Move, crazily enough i think mha is one of the best executions of this that i've seen. aside from the nuanced way endeavor gets treated by other characters (some supportive, some rightfully angry, some rightfully hateful), what stands out to me is that, by having us see through his pov, the story actually shows what anyone could realistically expect as a best-case-scenario of an abuser starting to atone. we don't have to question if he's sorry, don't have to question if he understands what he did as wrong, don't have to question that he's doing actionable things to make progress, etc., because we spend so much time with his thoughts. and it's not perfectly linear and it does come way too late, but it is kind of wild to see this kind of best-case evolution unfold bit by bit. of course, the flipside to this is that real life doesn't work this way and you can never have absolute certainty that an abuser genuinely understands/won't go on to abuse again. still, being able to see a direct model for what accountability and working towards atonement looks like is refreshing, when by comparison so many other character arcs in other stories 1) end in redemption through death, 2) have the character barely do any internal work/stay an absolute asshole, or 3) resolve a past "sin" that actually wasn't that bad to begin with. when all three tropes are avoided, when someone did something unforgivable but is veritably changing for the better but is still alive, what the heck happens next? what the hell do you do? what does anyone do? some options are explored in mha in a pretty neat way--natsuo never wants to see enji, and enji agrees. touya wants to see enji every day (at least implicitly so) and enji makes that his vow. so many flawed parents irl are unable to respect their childrens' wishes when it comes to letting them completely go so they can live their lives, or when it comes to staying ever-present and showing them genuine care, and yet enji becomes a parent capable of doing both opposite-seeming things at once, finally willing to do and become what his children ask of him. the todoroki saga is certainly not perfect---i for one have *thoughts* about how the very end of rei's arc has been handled---but i think it's unique for how it benefits from providing so much of endeavor's pov, whereas other stories from an abuser's pov might have slapped on shitty apologia or only provided an "explanation" for why that character is so nasty without going too much further than that. while this choice may force some fans to have a level of closeness with a character whose presence begets feelings of hurt and hopelessness, it also makes sense why this choice has captivated other fans and provided, oddly enough, a sense of inspiration and hope.

#mha manga spoilers #tw abuse #endeavor #whenever i think of mha fans fighting i just see traumatized-neurodivergent-gay on traumatized-neurodivergent-gay violence #again not prescriptive i just like crackin jokes #i mean sure good internet etiquette should be encouraged and flame wars should be discouraged but idk im not your mom go have fun #flame wars! see what i did there #endhawks #at least mentioned once anyway

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cherryberg · 2 years ago

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bro don't you ever get tired of caring what other people think about some fictional dudes? you get so heated about shit that doesn't matter, you gotta just chill out sometimes. live and let live or whatever. i genuinely think it will make you a happier person

?? sorry for spam reblogging too many mischaracterisation complaining posts in a row lmao ? that's like. majority of the heat you're seeing from me if you aren't a mutual. aren't you tired of flanderising and woobification lol ? i block tags and avoid those fandom spaces and don't actively spend every moment thinking nefariously thinking about how fandom bitches are wrong - but when it sucks, it sucks! bitches are wrong! especially when its the whole fandom's perception of it and, yeah, i can complain about it! i heart complaining! shit can be annoying and i can not like them and i can complain forever! and hey if it sucks here? can always hit the bricks

otherwise, erm... i heart being a hater forever and ever. i heart getting pissy at things that don't matter and i heart bitching to my friends for a couple minutes before cooling off. my fandom is me, my mutuals, and my inbox.

#askberg #anon #rambleberg #ugh.. too longwinded for a post about fucking fandom but who give a shit #somewhere someone is rethinking about their perception of shit #i love canon. and apart of the appeal of fandom to me is picking things apart and analysing and knowing so much #and THEN putting them in situations where its different... but its Makes Sense or it aligns with things in canon #not molding mix-and-match cookie cutters from characters and placing them in cookie cutter scenarios #i can be a big big stickler for canon but that just shows more love to the source. no?#i'd be less pissed off if anyone ever actually showed comprehension and understanding of the source material before going off and frolickin #btw i'm a hater .. but im also a hypocrite. both. always. i do things wrong and i do annoying shit but who even car

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birthdaykeesha · 4 years ago

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Big Brother Tumblr Tag Game

Tagged by @vanessacries 😘

About You (feel free to not answer all of these if you aren’t comfortable doing so)

1. Name or nickname? justine

2. Age/Age Group? 24

3. Zodiac Sign? pisces!

4. Favorite Color? yellow

5. Favorite Animal? pug dogs!

6. First Season of BB you remember watching? bb14

7. Would you ever want to go on BB, if so, what type of player would you be? i would be horrible at bb physical comps (following in queen bb12kathy’s footsteps) so i would not want to be on the show to avoid embarrassment 💕 but if i happened to be on the show i would just play up being a bimbo so people wouldn’t think i’m a threat lol

8. Are there other CBS shows you’d want to go on, and if so, why? i don’t watch any other cbs shows, i do want to get into survivor tho!!!

9. What other Reality shows do you watch? project runway, rupaul’s drag race, ummmm i am blanking rn but i am a whore for reality tv

10. All time favorite houseguest? bbcan ika wong!!!

About the Show

1. What is your all time Favorite twist? ika getting to shred the letters from home for a fat check!!!! (basically i like twists that reward the houseguests but do not have a huge effect on the game itself)

2. What is a twist that you like, but kind of flopped? i did not like this twist but i just want to shit talk the teams twist i hate the teams twist so!!!! damn!!!! much!!!

3. If you were the new Grodner and had to remake the show, what would you keep the same? um the show can keep it’s name ❤️

4. What would you change? i would stop casting the machismo male archetype IMMEDIATELY. i would also make sure the cast was actually diverse, maybe one token straight white person, as a treat

5. What’s your all time favorite comp? pressure cooker hello!!!!

6. What’s your all time favorite competition? i also like the how bad do you want it comp

7. All time favorite punishment? getting to watch paulie cry while making pies

8. If you could bring any houseguest back to be in the house (not to play the game) who would it be and why? omg da’vonne again in the future, she always brings us good tv!!!! she can get a check without having to deal with uglies playing the game

9. If you could bring any houseguest back to play, who would it be? CHIMA WE LOVE YOUUU

10. What is your most memorable episode? omg when josh beat paul that was legendary and so unexpected

11. If you could have any reality star from any other show on BB who would it be? nene leakes!!!

12. What’s your favorite BB series outside of normal BBUS (normal BBUS does not include CBBUS or BBOTT) bbcan5 was immaculate

13. Favorite Julie Chen sign off? when she didn’t say moonves

14. Is there anything from old BB that you would bring back, why or why not, and if yes, what would it be? omg the luxury comps!!! they forced people who didn’t like each other to work together so they were entertaining

15. If you were in the BB house and you won HoH what album would be in your HoH basket and who would you want to receive a letter from? beyoncé’s critically acclaimed homecoming: the live album!!!! i would get hate mail from my dogs 💖

16. Favorite Alliance? the coven!!!!

17. Funniest BB moment? keesha’s birthday is going down in history!!!!

18. Favorite first boot? jodi 😔

19. Least favorite houseguest? too many!!! any bigoted white person (unfortunately there are too many to name)

20. Favorite BB couple? me and kaysar!!!😍

This or That

1. Old School BB or New School BB? old school!!!!!

2. Julia or Liz Nolan? fellow austin hater julia

3. Vaness Rousso or Jun Song? jun song

4. Cody Calafiore or Cody Nickson? ugh chuck e cheese is less of an asshole so him i guess

5. Swaggy or Bayleigh? BAYLEIGH WE LOVE YOUUU

6. Janelle or Kaysar? KAYSAR WE LOVE YOUUU

7. Orwell or the rubber duck? orwell

8. Hacker twist or Pandora’s Box? pandora’s box

9. Nicole A or Nicole F? nicole a if i must

10. Dan or Will? dan

11. Bathroom with Bathroom sand (BB18) or The Fidget Spinner Wall (BB20)? we will never have interior design as iconic as bathroom sand!!!!

12. The Hive or The Spy Grils? the hive were dumb as hell but i love them so much

13. PB&J or Slop? pb&j

14. Nerdy Guy archetype or Quirky Girl archetype? quirky girl 😗

15. The cursed liztin gif or the Maven (BB19) cum rag? jfhbdhf the cursed liztin gif because it’s not a health hazard (except to my eyeballs)

Tag Questions

1. First Season you blogged? bb16 technically but i only liked and reblogged things from my personal blog. this is my first year being active in the tag!!! (horrible timing i know)

2. Favorite season to blog? bbcan5!!!!

3. Favorite Bloggers? omg kind of a copout but everyone i follow i love!!! i always have the goofiest smile when i’m scrolling through my dash cause everyone is so funny 💕

4. Favorite tag cryptid (i.e. djmrod, the confession accounts, the bayler stan account, stella) stella we miss you!!!

5. Build an ideal alliance with people from the tag: @transpokenerd @kaysarsupremacy hey besties 😘

6. Favorite content creator (gifs, videos, posts)? omg i love all the content creators!!!! i am especially impressed when they gif live feed clips cause i know it’s hard to make that shitty quality look nice AND THEY ALWAYS COME THROUGH

7. Person in the tag that you like but are too nervous to talk to? um never nervous to tell @bathroom-sand that she is the queen of the tag!!!

8. Have you played in any tag games (like bbdiscords, orgs, etc.,) if so what was your favorite experience? omg i love bbsims and i’ve been in one (1) discord but it was very fun!!! just a lot of typing fkkffk

9. Favorite gate? petgate is always so cute and wholesome!!!

10. What opinions do you have that you feel would be unpopular in the tag?most times i agree with that tag tbh!! ummmm i don’t really care for the random draw in veto??? i think everyone should play in veto or the hoh and the two players on the block can all have houseguests choice

11. Have you thirst followed anyone after a selfiesgate? ya

12. Whose someone in the tag that has stopped blogging bb that you miss? stella bird blog come back!!!

13. Favorite holiday people have called Christmas? national hit and run day

14. If you could steal any url whose would it be? omg the keesha url

15. Favorite tag meme? (i.e. Paul;s mistake, victim noises, claling chr*stmas anything but her name, etc.,) PAUL’S MISTAKE PT II DESERVES TO GO #1 ON BILLBOARD!!!!!

Tag 3-5 people (or more or less)

I tag @transpokenerd @kaysarsupremacy @yeetusweenus @bathroom-sand @whats-bb22

and anyone else who wants to participate!!!!😊

#bb22 #thank you grass this was entertaining!!!!!#your mind!!!!

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wetookanoath · 5 years ago

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Nini’s birthday plan 2019 to be annoyingly postive ~

So, it’s that time of the year again.

My birthday is coming soon on November 18th, and like every year, I thought of making a wish list. But, this year I decided to actually make a little activity.

I love my birthday, and I want to share it with all of you because this place has been a great source of positiveness lately and, even after the worst parts of it, I’ve been blessed with your support.

That said,

~ ACITIVITIES

I’ve decided that, starting November 10th, there are a few things I would love to do and they include your participation. From the 10th to the 18th, we are going to be positive as fuck, let’s annoy haters.

November 10th: Fanartists appreciation day. Like last year, I’ll make a post appreciating my favorite artists in the shyan fandom, I’ll be also reblogging my favorite works from them even If I have reblogged them before. I would totally love to see if other people make their own appreciation posts as well, don’t doubt on sending them my way to reblog them or tag me in them.

I’m doing only shyan artists because there aren’t many and to avoid unpleasant encounters with other sides of the fandom. I want peace, I’m not fighting anyone on my birthday month!

November 11th: Follow Forever. I know this is something most people do on New Year’s or whatnot, but I already have other plans for December so I’ll be doing this now. It’s a little post appreciating my favorite blogs that include mutuals, writers, gif and graphic makers, etc. All people I follow and that I love seeing on my dash.

On this day, you can totally rec to me and others your favorite blogs. Can be off or on anon, I’ll post the messages and we can check out blogs together.

You can include in your ask with your recs postive messages directed to said blogs, I will @ them and we can have an appreciation day for everyone.

November 12th: Favorite fanfiction. I’ll be doing a rec list of my top 50 favorite shyan fanfics in the fandom and a smaller list for my favorite buzzships fanfics in the fandom.

I would love it if you guys could recommend me your favorite shyan fanfics on that day. Can be off or on anon, I may read the ones that take my attention, but I will certainly rec them all at the Library in one single list that will be posted on the 13th.

If you want to also make your own list, please do. Tag the Library and/or this blog, I will reblog them for sure in the Library!

I will also be commenting on said fanfics I will put on those recs, even if I had commented them before. This is just to remind the authors how much I love their work and why. I encourague you guys to do the same!

November 13th: Rec your fave something to someone. Which means, send me and other people you like, off or on anon, recs for music, tv shows, blogs, fics, movies, books, FANDOMS IF YOU WANT, and talk about why you love it. I sure as hell want to hear it.

By the end of the day or on November 14th, I’ll do a post with all recs by category. Meaning, music list, tv shows list, etc.

I’ll also rec my favorite things, too!

November 14th: Apreciate your own work day. That. We are gonna go as hard as we go for our faves and appreciate our own work, doesn’t matter what kind of work is.

On November 3th, I’m going to post a poll where you can vote for your favorite fanfics written by me. On this day, I’ll post the results and talk about each fic. This was my original plan to celebrate my birthday, but I decided I really prefer if I can give something to people instead of just having one benefit for me.

Though, it’s my birthday and a little ego bust never hurt anyone. On this day, I will start posting a series of edits made by me based on the top5 fics you guys chose.

I’ll be self-reblogging my fics, some edits and my favorite headcanons/aus I have made for the fandom on this day. I invite you guys to do the same.

Rec your own fics, art, headcanons, blog, do it!

Make edits and art for your fics, post them that day. If you don’t have fics or what, make art or edits that you want to see, do it for yourself and other will love it, too.

Don’t be afraid to say “I fucking nailed this one”, be proud of your creations and how you have gotten better with time. Appreciate your work!

November 15th: Pet Day! Which means, show me your cute pets. You can submit your pics, make your own post and tag me, or just send me an ask talking about your pets. I’ll be making a post showing mine!

We can also appreciate the boys’, the crew’s and other buzzfeeder’s pets!

Make headcanons, art, fics, whatever about your fave buzzfeeder’s pets!

November 16th: Favorite Author appreciation. We all have one and like with the fanartist appreciation day, I’ll be doing a post to appreciate all my favorite authors on tumblr and another one for all my favorite authors only on AO3 (or that I know only on AO3 lol).

I’ll be making a rec list with one or two favorite fics for each author on my appreciation post, will be posted at the Library.

If you make a similar post, make sure to send the link my way or tag me and/or the Library so I can reblog it!

Same if you make rec lists with your fave author’s fics.

November 17th: Shyan Positivity Day. On this day, we are gonna fill our tags (shyan, skeptic believer, shyan fic, shyan art and even buzzfeed unclean) with shyan things. Can be headcanons, metafiction, edits, art, fics, drabbles, memes, funny text posts, appreciation posts, anything related to shyan in a positive way (although, angst is also accepted).

Send to me or your favorite shipper your headcanons, au ideas, little observations or fic recs.

Or make your own posts about these things and have fun with the interactions!

Post your edits, videos, art, fics, whatever as long as it’s shyan and you love it.

REMEMBER TO NOT USE THE GENERAL TAGS! For real, I don’t want to fight anyone on this day.

And a second reminder that if you are going to send me n/s/f/w stuff, send it at @bigdickmadej! I promise to have anon on for that day.

November 18th: It’s my birthday! I may not be much around that day, so for the final day of this little positive thing, I’m going to leave it to you guys to go on and please be the most loving you can be.

Go have a nice day, do whatever you want.

Maybe comment on that fic you’ve been reading or that one you liked the other day.

Check out your favorite fic again, comment it even if you have done it before, remind that author that you love their work and why you do it.

Send nice anons! Or nice messages off anon!

Buy a coffee for your favorite artist, author, etc. Maybe donate to your charity of preference.

If maybe you want to do something for me, keep reading the next part for my little wish list for this year!

~ WISH LIST

It would mean the world to me if you guys really would like to participate in this little project. Even if just for one day, doesn’t matter which one, It really would mean so much to me.

I love getting messages on my birthday! And that’s really a great gift to me, so off or on anon, you can totally send me your birthday wishes and make me the happiest person alive.

Not gonna lie, I would cry if I get comments on my fics, kudos and whatnot.

And of course, I’m a big slut for blessed gifts such as fanfics, edits, headcanons, art. Especially if made based on my fanfics when it comes to edits and art.

Because of the laptop situation, I’m considering setting up a ko-fi and then close it or retire it from my blog once I get shit sorted and fix my laptop or even get the chance to buy a new one. It’s not much what I need to get to the amount I need, this is why I’m considering getting it. I really don’t like asking for money, but sadly my economy is on the ground at the moment and I really need that laptop thingy. Still, I’m honestly just considering it.

~ REMINDERS

You don’t have to participate.

If you do, please don’t use the general tags when posting and/or talking about shippy stuff.

Use the hashtag #shyanpositiveparty for all your posts regarding the project! Why this tag? Because while it was inspired by my birthday, I would love for everyone to feel included. Put this tag on the first five tags of your post so the post will appear on it and we can all see it.

If posting stuff made especifically for my birthday, then please use the tag #nini’s bday 2k19 :)

Again, you DON’T have to participate.

I’m very aware that some people have no chill and may want to spoil the party by either sending me hate or other people, even inviding the tags. I recommend to everyone to not let them win. I will be blocking and blocking only, I don’t want to fight anyone on this day and I will not post anything negative regarding it.

I’m also prepared for the scenario in which no one may actually be interested on this. I will still post on these days what I have planned. Even if no one wants to do this, I still would love for the people I’ll be sending positive vibes to get them. It’s my birthday after all. I want it to be a happy one.

I still don’t know when my birthday party in real life may be, so that day I may not have much time to be around, but I will still programm my posts on that day and answer stuff on mobile. If I don’t, I’ll do it the next day, no problem at all.

If you missed a day and wanted to participate on it anyway, it doesn’t matter. Do it, please. Have fun with us.

~ POLLS

Last thing. I would love for your guys to help me decide a few things regarding this:

What is your favorite fanfiction by me (poetdameron)?

Should I set up a ko-fi?

That’s all. I’m sorry I made you guys read so much, but I really hope you want to participate! You can reblog this post so others can see it, that would be amazing. Thank you!

#shyanpositiveparty #shyan #skeptic believer #buzzfeed unclean #nini's bday 2k19 #your local nerd talking.txt #text #mine

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