#<- i spent a lot of time deciding on her second name lmao

[caramelmochacrow]

the sasago sisters!!!!

[sansaorgana]

— BLESSED (I)

PART TWO || PART THREE

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!half-Elf!Reader

SUMMARY — Your daughter is starting to show character traits and abilities that you have no idea where she could have inherited them from. In the meantime, your husband is growing frustrated with Celebrimbor when it comes to forging the rings.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — There will be a second part where she finds out who her husband is but in this one she remains oblivious, although there are signs of course – to which the Reader is blind and deaf. 🤣 I have probably butchered the lore but I didn't even bother to google much about it because I had my own idea how to write it. 🙈 The Reader is a half-Elf because it is useful in Sauron's scheme (trying to convince Celebrimbor to forge the rings for men – Celebrimbor is like a father to Annatar's wife). What I know about the canon, though, is that Sauron actually spent centuries in Eregion. So, in this fic he spends a few years, which is still not a lot but longer than in the show.

WARNINGS — Reader's father is dead (he was human, so she outlived him), manipulating, gaslighting, lowkey toxic and abusive marriage between the Reader and Annatar but she keeps describing him as kind and noble, Annatar is not the best father (I don't think the fic should trigger anyone because it's not like he's awful either but I want to mention it here just in case), immaculate conception (sort of... lmao I don't know how to describe it), birth (not much of a description)

WORD COUNT — 6,460

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

BLESSED (I)

“Lord Celebrimbor regrets to inform you he’s unable to grant you entry,” you announced after approaching the human king standing by his horse after arriving back to Eregion.

You had seen him around before but you had never truly had any opportunity to talk to him. He had been so busy with the man you considered to be your uncle and your guardian that it had seemed inappropriate to ever interrupt their work. And now he was back and even filthier than the last time you had seen him. He wanted to speak to your uncle but Celebrimbor had made a promise to Lady Galadriel to never treat with this man named Halbrand again.

So you stood there and announced the news as Celebrimbor’s most trusted person in Eregion; a daughter of his old friend and one of the best human smiths he had ever worked with – and such exceptions for the Elven master were not many. And even though you had not inherited your father’s abilities to forge beautiful things, you were the most useful to your guardian when it came to helping him run Eregion smoothly. Celebrimbor was often too occupied with his work to notice or deal with certain matters. That was where you would walk in and help him just like your mother had taught you before she had decided to move to Mithlond.

Eregion was your home, though, therefore you had not left with her. The memory of your father was too painful for your mother to be here but you were quite the opposite – you loved to live in the city your father had spent most of his life in.

But without your mortal father and without your mother, you were quite alone. Lord Celebrimbor, whom you called an uncle, was truly the only person you had.

Just as you expected, though, the human king did not want to accept the information as he smirked at you.

“Mightn’t I speak with him directly?” He asked you.

“My uncle is occupied,” you explained, calmly. It was not the first time you were dealing with people of this sort. “But he wishes you good fortune on your journey,” you added and turned around to walk away.

“Are you asking me to leave?” Halbrand inquired you sighed softly as you froze and turned around once more, to face him again.

“The Lord of Eregion is asking you,” you answered, patiently.

“Perhaps I’ll just wait here,” the man smiled awkwardly and petted his horse. You admired his stubborn will even though it was an inconvenience to you and your uncle. “Just in case he changes his mind,” he added and turned around to tie his horse to the column. And as he did that, you spotted that his tunic was torn on his back, revealing long and fresh wounds on his skin.

And perhaps the Elven part of you would just turn the blind eye and leave but the human part of you pitied him. Yes, however it sounded like – your relationship started with pity. And the thread of understanding because you were aware of the weaknesses of the human flesh. You had seen your father suffering from the injuries that your Elven kin would heal from nearly instantly. You had seen his body growing weaker as he had been getting older; more fragile. And because of your love towards your father, you had known and understood Halbrand’s pain in a way that most Elves would not.

Therefore, you became the human king’s greatest advocate in front of your uncle. You were the one to tell Celebrimbor about his injuries, pleading to at least offer Halbrand the help of the Eregion medics. He did not agree. But when the evening came, you brought it up that the night was cold and asked your uncle if you should bring Halbrand a shawl.

So, perhaps it was a shawl that started it all – at least it was this way in Annatar’s version of your love story. And whenever you would ask your husband why he had chosen you out of all the Elven maidens of Eregion, he would always remind you that you had been the only one who had treated him with dignity and had cared for him even when he had been still in his human form.

Despite that noble reason for his affection towards you, it still felt surreal to be courted by the emissary of the Valars. You were a half-Elf with no exceptional talents… And yet, for you, a man of such lightness, who was chosen by the gods, would give up some of his privileges and stay in Eregion to work alongside your uncle and be your husband? It was nearly suspicious in a way but neither you or Celebrimbor ever thought of it this way. To Celebrimbor you were like his own daughter that he had never had. When Lord Annatar asked for your hand, he felt proud and blessed. And so did you, writing a letter to your mother in Mithlond with shaky hands to ask for her permission to marry.

But your mother was not really a part of your life anymore and she was a different person after your father’s passing. She agreed without asking any further questions.

A year after his arrival to Eregion, you became Lord Annatar’s wife. It was the happiest day of your life because after a few centuries of loneliness with no one but your uncle by your side, you could start a family of your own. And to have a family was all you had ever wanted.

You were standing by the window and staring at Eregion underneath with a dreamy gaze as the cool breeze refreshed your face and made your hair dance slightly in the air. You took a deep breath in and felt the overwhelming energy filling up your body. Married life was giving you a new sense of meaning and joy, especially with a man like Annatar – the kindest, the gentlest, the most noble and most humble. Even though his grey and simple robes had been recently replaced and he began to dress more elegantly, you knew that the change had not been his idea. It was Celebrimbor’s because he wanted your husband to present himself respectable enough for the rest of Eregion.

You felt your husband’s hands touching your arms as you closed your eyes and enjoyed his presence. He stood behind you and buried his face in your hair to place a kiss upon your head in that quiet moment of the morning before he would have to join your uncle in the forge and you would have to go downstairs to help with the administration matters.

“I have realised recently, my love, that I still have not given you any wedding gift,” Annatar pointed out softly and you opened your eyes to turn your head around and look at his beautiful face.

“It’s been months since our wedding… I have not even thought of that…” You admitted. “Because, to me, you are the grandest gift, my love,” you replied, truthfully. He smiled at you adoringly and caressed the side of your face with his fingertips but there was a playful sparkle dancing in his gaze.

“You are my wife and I am the Lord of Gifts. I shall spoil you with many,” he whispered and leaned in to kiss your forehead. “Is there something you want? Something you want very badly perhaps? Name it and I shall give it to you,” he murmured as his hands wrapped around your waist and you felt your cheeks heating up. You looked down nervously and Annatar chuckled. “I can see there is something… Name it, my love.”

You hesitated. Perhaps he would find it to happen too soon. Perhaps he would find it not suiting him at all. But he was your husband with whom you had shared your whole heart, soul and body. He deserved to know about your desires.

“...A child,” you confessed, nearly inaudibly, still too shy to look up at his face.

You could sense his muscles flexing around you and becoming more stiff. The atmosphere changed in an instant and you regretted your confession immediately. After a long while of silence, you swallowed thickly and looked up eventually, filled with anxiety. Annatar’s brows were furrowed and his eyes lost the playful sparkle. He did not look angry but a bit confused and torn.

“F-forgive me. I know that a woman like me is not worthy of carrying a child of a man like y–”

“Stop it,” Annatar shushed you quickly and cupped your face to caress your cheeks with his thumbs as he kept staring deep into your eyes with a gentle expression. “I do not wish to hear of it. You are my wife. There is nothing you are not worthy of,” he insisted and you sniffled your tears back as he sighed. “If a child is what you wish for, I shall give it to you,” he announced after a short while but you could feel the hesitancy.

And you felt bad about it but you craved to have his child so much that you decided to ignore that hesitancy in his voice.

Therefore, you only nodded and you felt your husband’s hands lowering themselves onto your arms. He turned you around, so you would face Eregion again. And once you did, he placed his hands on your abdomen. At first, you found his gesture very sweet as your muscles relaxed. But the longer you stood like that in silence, the more uneasy you were starting to feel. There was a weird feeling forming inside of you – a new wave of energy coming from his hands and filling up your womb. Was it possible that…?

Well, he was an emissary of the Valars. He had many abilities and powers that the simple Elves could only dream of. You did not question it.

When he removed his hands, he kissed the back of your head and you furrowed your brows as you clutched onto the fabric of your dress on your abdomen.

“I can feel… I can feel a new life,” you turned around to meet his gaze. He was smiling at you kindly and lovingly as your eyes filled with tears. “Oh, I… I did not expect it would happen like that…”

“I am in full control of the act of my own procreation. It would not happen without my consent and will,” he explained and you nodded at him, too grateful and overjoyed to question anything.

Annatar placed his hand on top of yours and squeezed them as you let out a happy laugh through the tears of joy. With his free hand he wiped your tears gently.

“Were you in control of choosing if our child would be a boy or a girl, too?” You wondered out loud. Your husband nodded with a slight smile. “What will the child be then?”

“You will see, my love, be patient and allow it to be a surprise,” he leaned in to kiss your lips delicately.

For some reason, you were sure it would be a boy. Despite Annatar’s gentleness and kindness, he was a master of his craft and a man of tradition. He would surely want a successor.

You were so convinced that you were carrying his son that in the conversations about your child, you often referred to them as he. Annatar would only smile at you sweetly but also playfully.

Your child was born on a warm, summer night. You were in bed, surrounded by the female medics of Eregion. Celebrimbor was in his forge, nervously drinking wine and pacing around. But Annatar was by your side, holding you in his arms and letting you squeeze his hands, encouraging you gently with his sweet words and you swore, he was making some of the pain go away somehow. Whenever you squeezed his hand tighter, he would place his free one upon your forehead and the pain would slightly subdue.

The sound of your baby’s cries was like sweet music to your ears and your eyes filled with tears when one of the medics handed you the screaming newborn.

“It is a girl, my Lady,” she told you with a smile and you laughed out of happiness, taking the little one into your arms as you stared at her in awe.

“A girl?” You whispered, looking up at your husband. You were surprised but not disappointed – to have a little girl with Annatar was a vision of the future so beautiful that you could not stop the fresh tears from streaming down your cheeks.

He did not say anything to that, he only smiled sweetly at you and fixed the sweaty strands of your hair that got stuck to your forehead. Then, he leaned in to kiss the top of your head.

“How do you want to name her, my love?” He asked. “Your daughter?”

“Our daughter,” you fixed him and tried to hand him the baby. He froze for a moment but he eventually took the newborn child into his own hands as he kept staring at the little face with a very unreadable expression. “A-are you happy?” You asked, suddenly getting anxious.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Annatar nodded as his face lit up with a big grin. You sighed with relief and caressed the little cheek of your baby girl.

“Almárea,” you whispered. “Blessed.”

Focused on staring in awe at your little baby girl in her father’s arms, you nearly did not notice that he did not give you any reply. So, eventually, you looked up at him questioningly.

“Yes, yes,” Annatar nodded eagerly. “It’s perfect,” he assured you and handed you the baby back. “I shall inform Celebrimbor. He will be the most delighted,” he stood up and left the room.

A few years passed as your husband was helping your uncle to forge the rings that would save Middle-earth. And your sweet little Almárea was growing in the meantime – the older she was getting, the more you could see that she was a physical copy of you.

When you had asked your husband about it, he had answered that it had been the result of the fact his physical form was not definite, therefore his child could not inherit any physical traits. It was making you a bit sad because you would love to see bits of your husband in your offspring but you also did not want to complain about the things that did not truly matter in the end.

That she was Annatar’s daughter there was no doubt. It was something about her soul; her inner light differed from the other Elves. You could feel from the very first time you had held her that she was stronger and more powerful than any of the Elves inside Eregion. You were sure that she was truly blessed by the Valars due to her father’s origin.

When it came to Almárea’s character, though… You sometimes wondered what was causing the constant mischief, which was innocent but still present. She was a little deceiver and a little liar very often as she kept making up stories, playing tricks or making people believe the most absurd stories. Sometimes she was able to make people even see the things she was describing. Like that time when she kept blabbering about the beautiful butterflies flying all over the room.

And you saw them. You saw them all – shimmering in the light in all the possible colours. They were so beautiful that you kept laughing and trying to catch them as Almárea giggled. And that was how Annatar found you after coming back to your chambers from the day in the forge.

“What are you doing?” He froze, a little taken aback as he glanced at his daughter and then back at you.

“The butterflies, they are–” You tried to explain.

“Mummy is trying to catch the air, daddy. Is it not funny?” Almárea asked and you furrowed your brows at her.

“But the butterflies–” You started but as you looked around, they all disappeared. You looked at Almárea with a sour expression and she laughed.

“Oh, mummy, I am sorry. It was funny to watch,” she admitted to use treachery as she ran up to you and hugged your waist.

You did not like how malicious – even if in an innocent manner – some of her jokes were. But you could not be angry for too long. Not at your sweet little daughter.

“Oh… Well…” You hesitated nervously and patted her back. “It is quite alright, my dear. But that was not nice.”

“How did you do that?” Your husband asked, a little harshly. You gave him a soft look, trying to calm him down.

“She did not mean to be cruel, she had no idea that–” You began to make excuses.

“I am not talking about the so-called joke. I am asking about the illusion. Almárea?” Annatar approached you two and put his hand on your daughter’s arm to turn her around. The movement was not rapid but it was most definitely quite harsh.

“I just… I just think of something very hard and… And I can make people see things,” Almárea tried to explain as she looked down. “Is it something bad to do, daddy?”

“You are too young to play with such a gift,” Annatar’s face changed quickly from harsh to kind and gentle again as he smiled at Almárea and caressed her cheek. “Unwillingly, you have just been cruel to your mother and I am sure that was not your intention. You should stop playing with it for now,” he explained and Almárea nodded.

But you knew already that she would probably not listen. It was not in her nature to follow anyone’s requests, pleas or orders. 

The day started like nearly every other. You woke up in your husband’s arms and he was awake already – sometimes you wondered if he ever slept at all because you had never witnessed him doing so.

The hour was still early and you watched the sun rising in the skies outside your window, exchanging kisses and love declarations. However, on this day, your husband seemed to be a little tense when you peppered his jaw with  sweet little kisses. 

“What is it, my love?” You asked as you lifted yourself up on your elbow, still looking at his beautiful face and tracing the outlines of it with your fingertip.

“It pains me to say…” Annatar sighed and held your wrist softly as he put your fingers on his lips and kissed them gently.

“Why? What is it?” You furrowed your brows.

“It is about Celebrimbor and I know that what I am going to reveal is going to hurt you deeply, my love,” his eyes filled with sadness.

“Now you simply must tell me… You know how dear he is to me,” you shook your head, trying to read his face but all the years of sharing your life with Annatar, you had learnt already that it was an impossible task to ever know what was truly on his mind.

“I have spoken to him recently…” Annatar began and let go of your wrists to put his hands on your waist and roll you over onto your back as he hovered above you. “...about the rings that must be crafted. The Nine rings for the nine human kings to help their kin as well.”

“Yes…?” You swallowed the lump in your throat and gasped when his skilled fingers pulled your nightgown up. All those years of being his wife and his touch could still ignite the fire within you. You wondered sometimes how he was able to do it.

But now, with his fingers roaming all over your exposed skin, your mind was in haze and you were not able to think clearly.

“Oh, darling, I have no idea how to tell you… But your uncle does not think of humans to be worthy enough to have such rings,” Annatar revealed and you froze at his words as your eyes widened.

“T-that is impossible,” you refused to believe him although he would never lie to you. “My father… He was human and uncle Celebrimbor loved him and adored his craft. He loved him so much that he raised me after his death. It is impossible that now he refuses to forge the rings for humans… No, I refuse to–”

“That is the truth,” Annatar’s voice sent shivers down the spine since it had gotten harsh all of the sudden. “Why would I lie to you?”

“I am not accusing you of lying, I simply–”

“Yes, you are,” Annatar looked deep into your eyes as a spark of anger sparkled in his. His jaw was clenched and his fingers dug into the soft flesh of your hips, which was causing you slight pain. “He refuses to fulfil his mission and he thinks of your father’s kin as lesser.”

“I shall speak to him,” you promised as tears filled your eyes. Annatar softened immediately as his fingers went back to caressing you and he leaned in to kiss away the small tears upon your cheeks.

“Thank you… That would be very helpful,” he muttered between the kisses. “My love…”

You loved serving breakfast the most. You loved feeling useful and to take care of your family. It made you feel fulfilled in a way nothing else could, even though you did not mind running Eregion in your uncle’s name when he required it. However, seeing Almárea and Annatar by the table, eating the food you had prepared and talking about their plans for the day… That felt the most precious and the most special.

On that day, she looked up at you with big, pleading eyes as she watched her father preparing to leave for the day. He was standing in front of the mirror and swiftly tying some of his hair strands into a bow, which would protect his eyes from being interrupted while he worked.

“Can you do the same to my hair, mummy?” Almárea asked you. “I want to wear it like daddy.”

“I shall do it,” Annatar smiled at you both as he approached the breakfast table to stand behind your daughter’s chair. “Mummy must leave now and speak to uncle Celebrimbor,” he gave you a meaningful look and you nodded your head.

“Yes, that is right,” you confirmed. “Can you take her to her class once you’re done tying her hair?” You asked him sweetly.

“Oh, of course,” your husband replied and you kissed his cheek before leaning down to kiss your daughter’s forehead, too.

After that, you left your chambers and hurried to Celebrimbor’s forge. You were scared of this conversation and you had no idea how to start it as well. You couldn’t hide the fact that Celebrimbor’s sudden change of views hurt you deeply. You hoped that you could convince him to make up his mind but even the emissary of the Valars could not. On the other hand, you were closer to Celebrimbor than Annatar would ever be. He was like a father to you these days.

When you went inside the forge, it was empty. And even though you were supposed to look for your uncle, you could not help to just roam around for a while and take a deep breath in as you smiled to yourself at all the sweet memories you had with this place – like your father… 

He had been working alongside Celebrimbor and you would run around happily – sometimes getting scolded, sometimes being shown many interesting details about their craft. Sweet little half-Elven girl that would always make everyone laugh. And as time progressed, you had been growing up but not ageing – and for your father it had been the opposite. He had not been growing up but he had been ageing. And, one day, he had eventually become too weak to use the hammer.

Remembering all those bittersweet moments, Celebrimbor’s voice startled you a little as he stood by the railing of the stairs leading up to his study.

“(Y/N)?” He asked and you looked up with a soft smile.

“Uncle Celebrimbor,” you sighed with relief that it was only him you were seeing and not some sort of phantom or a ghost. You gathered your skirts and walked upstairs to join him. “I am here to speak with you… About a rather delicate manner,” you informed him and looked him up and down carefully.

Truly, he had changed. He looked exhausted and a little uneasy as if he was on the verge of some sort of breakdown. You immediately found compassion for his state.

“I am aware that crafting such powerful items has cost you a lot and you must feel overworked…” You started. “I know you have finished the rings for the dwarves not so long ago and I am not here to rush your progress. By all means, take your time, uncle, but your views about humans–”

“Was it him? Did he send you?” Celebrimbor’s face changed immediately. He looked concerned and a bit… scared? You froze at that reaction.

“What do you mean by that? Of whom are you speaking? My husband?” You asked, taken aback. “First, you are insulting my father’s kin… My kin as well… And now… Now you are trying to insinuate something about my husband? The emissary of the Valars?” You raised an eyebrow. “It was me who came up with the idea of speaking with you.”

“Have you not noticed yet, my sweet child, after all the years of your marriage, that he plants the seeds of ideas in people’s minds to make them think they came up with them on their own?” Celebrimbor asked.

“Even if it is true, I do not see what is wrong with it. He is here to fulfil the Valars’ plan to save Middle-earth. How can you say that forging the rings to save humans is below you?” You shook your head. “Protecting that which is most fragile, most dear, is a task entrusted to all Elves,” you reminded him. “If you abandon half of my kin now, in the hour of darkness, I shall never forgive you, uncle,” your voice trembled when you tried to reach his eyes with yours, to show him all your love towards him – but also all your pain.

“I do not think lowly of humans. I loved your father, he was my dearest friend… I just… I needed an excuse to deny your husband,” Celebrimbor sighed and looked away.

“Oh, uncle, if you are overworked, he is going to understand and give you time,” you put your hand on his arm but he flinched. “Annatar is the kindest, the gentlest soul I have ever met. You used to think the same of him. What happened?”

“Do you…” Celebrimbor’s eyes found yours, “...do you trust him?”

“With my life,” you gasped at the question. Of course you trusted your husband. What kind of question was that?

“Very well then,” your uncle nodded and sighed before running his hand down his face. “I might be overworked indeed… I need a break. And after that, I can go back to forging the rings. My senses are beginning to fool me,” he confessed. “Forgive me, my dear, I did not mean to hurt you with my words.”

“Oh, poor uncle… Please, rest. Annatar will understand,” you assured him softly and wrapped your arms around him to give him a hug.

But Annatar was not as understanding to hear the news as you had been suspecting. He was smiling but the corners of his mouth twitched when you finished telling him how the conversation with Celebrimbor had been like.

“Of course, he can wait. He is an Elf. He lives for an eternity. But for the humans in Mordor time remains priceless… They suffer each day and their lives are short. I expected that you would know something about it, my love,” your husband nodded his head and walked away, leaving you a little speechless and hurt.

He was right. You had not fought for your kin strong enough but you also had too much love for Celebrimbor in your heart to keep arguing with him.

“I do understand, my darling. But I also have never seen my uncle in such an awful state,” you admitted. “He needs to rest,” you added, trying to make Annatar realise that, too. “He is not going to forge excellent rings when he is overworked and losing his senses.”

“He must finish the rings before they finish him first,” Annatar turned around to look at your face. His expression was quite harsh and it made you take a step back, therefore he softened immediately while approaching you. “My love, I am so sorry… I do not mean to be like this, you know that, right?” He put his hands on your arms. “But we are running out of time. Forging the rings for the dwarves took us years. It is going to take us another few more to forge the rings for humans, too. Therefore, we should start as soon as possible,” he tried to explain calmly.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have a heart in me to push Celebrimbor…” You shook your head and Annatar walked away rapidly as he turned his back on you to look out of the window. You spotted his fists clenching and unclenching but he remained silent. “I… I shall go to pick Almárea up from her class… I think she should be ready now,” your voice broke a little.

You had never expected you would have to choose a side between your uncle’s and your husband’s. They seemed to be such close friends and now…

But, before you left, you hesitated and turned around to look in your husband’s direction.

“You really should not…” You whispered, “force him to do it too soon. His mind is in the most fragile state now… He even… He accused you of–”

“Accused me of what?!” Annatar turned around quickly, startling you.

“I don’t know what exactly… But he asked me for some reason if I trusted you…” You confessed.

“And what did you tell him?” Your husband demanded an answer and his eyes turned cold. It was nearly impossible to remember at that moment that they could be so kind and loving, too.

But they were only this gentle way when everything was going according to his plan. And, so far, everything had been like that. Until now. 

You were aware, however, that his unusual anger was caused by the pressure that the gods themselves were putting onto his shoulders.

“I told him I trusted you. Of course I did. Annatar, you are my husband…” You answered, surprised that he had questioned you like that. “Perhaps both of you need a break. You are acting differently, too,” you pointed out before leaving to walk your daughter home after her class.

On your way home you bumped into your friend Mirdania. She began telling you stories from the forge and Almárea was growing bored as she stood there, holding your hand and drawing circles with her foot.

“Almárea, you can go upstairs already,” you informed your daughter. “Daddy is there.”

She nodded at you and waved Mirdania goodbye as she ran away to disappear inside the tower in which your chambers were. You watched her with a smile on your lips, especially at the sight of the bow in her head – now slightly crooked after a few hours – trying to resemble her father’s one.

Mirdania kept you occupied with her chatting for a longer time after that and you kept listening to her with a soft smile but when she eventually informed you that she had to go back to work, you were grateful. You went inside the tower with a slight eye roll as you began walking upstairs to go back to your family.

When you opened the door and heard Almárea’s giggles, you smiled widely, expecting her to play with her father as they sometimes would. But when you went inside the room where they were sitting together, you spotted Annatar being on the verge of lashing out. Almárea was chuckling and tilting her head slightly – an undeniable sign that she was projecting something onto her father’s mind at this very moment.

This time it was you walking in on Annatar being fooled. But he was not about to take it as lightly as you.

“Stop it,” Annatar drawled out. “This is not funny. Stop it!”

“What is going on here?” You looked at your daughter and her smile froze. “Were you not forbidden to play your tricks, Almárea?” You asked her and approached Annatar to put your hand on his tense shoulder.

“Daddy wanted me to try!” Almárea explained and stopped the visions from happening.

“You did?” You looked down at your husband with a raised eyebrow but he only stood up and walked away to stand on the balcony. He was angry and visibly unsettled. “What did you show him?” You asked your daughter.

Something was telling you it had not been butterflies.

Almárea shrugged her arms and avoided your gaze. You furrowed your brows and sighed, following your husband outside.

“Do not be upset, my love. I am sure whatever she has shown you was of an innocent nature,” you began softly. “Now you know how it feels like when she’s in one’s mind,” you chuckled nervously. “She did not mean to scare you.”

“It was not the vision itself that scared me,” Annatar turned around to look at you. He was still disturbed and surprised as his fists clenched around the railing of the balcony. “It was the fact I was not strong enough to make it stop. Could you ever do that?” He asked you and you opened your mouth a little. “I should be able to make it stop easily.”

“I have never tried,” you admitted. “I do not know, I cannot say…”

Annatar snorted at that and looked away again. His knuckles turned white from squeezing the railing so hard and you put your hand gently on top of his.

“Why does her power scare you?” You asked. “Is it of an evil kind? If so, how could that happen? You are the emissary of the Valars; made of pure light–”

“And you?” Your husband turned around again to meet your gaze. “What do we truly know of your heritage? Was your father not from The Southlands? And the humans of this realm… Were they not the ones who had followed Morgoth out of their own free will?”

His words hurt like knives. You took a step back and shook your head, trying to gather your thoughts. The man in front of you was not the man you had married – gentle, soft, kind, noble and humble. But you refused to believe it was his fault. He had changed just like uncle Celebrimbor – and it was all caused by the fact they had been working so hard… too hard… on the rings.

“Mummy… Daddy… I am sorry,” your daughter’s voice interrupted you as she entered the balcony as well. She looked up at the both of you and sniffled. Your heart clenched at the sight and you crouched down to fix the bow in her hair.

“It is quite alright, my dear. It was not your fault, you only did what daddy asked you to,” you gave your husband a stern look.

“I…” Annatar cleared his throat. “I was simply curious about this… gift.”

“Is it evil, daddy?” Almárea dared to look up at him with so much curiosity, respect and admiration that your heart filled with love once again you chose to forget about his hurtful accusations.

“No gift is good or evil, Almárea,” Annatar smiled softly at her as his eyes filled with kindness again. “It is us who choose how we use our gifts.”

“Daddy is right,” you nodded and kissed her forehead before standing up and Almárea hugged Annatar’s waist. He put his arm on her back and caressed it although he still looked as if he was overthinking something.

“Can I go to uncle Celebrimbor now? He promised to teach me a little about the gemstones!” Almárea smiled widely at you and you nodded. She clapped her hands and ran out of your chambers.

“I am going to start forging The Nine on my own, by the way,” Annatar announced to you when you were left alone with him. “Celebrimbor might join when he’s ready. However, the work must not stop,” he pointed out.

You bit on your lower lip and eventually nodded your head. You approached him and caressed his shoulder, though, trying to soothe him.

“I wish you gave yourself a break as well. You are overworking yourself,” you whispered.

Annatar held your hand and pulled you closer to wrap his arms around you. At this very moment he was radiating nothing but love, warmth and kindness. You squeezed him tighter and sighed with relief.

“Do not worry about me. I am going to be nothing but fine but I shall not rest until all Middle-earth is healed. Forgive me for my previous harshness,” he kissed the top of your head.

“Please, do not even mention,” you shook your head and kissed his lips briefly before giving him a sweet smile. He smiled back at you and cupped your face to caress your cheeks. “What did she show you, my love?” You asked, still curious. Annatar’s face went back to serious immediately.

“I asked her to show me something nice,” he explained. “And so she did… She showed me my greatest desire.”

“And that is…?” You frowned.

“The rings. All of them. Forged,” he answered and you nodded.

“She is too young to understand the importance of these items and your mission in Eregion…” You pointed out. “How was she able to penetrate your heart like this?”

“Now you know what truly scared me, my love,” Annatar nodded softly and the fear in his eyes was truly genuine but you spotted a sparkle of excitement there as well.

“Should I worry about her?” Your voice trembled.

“No, no… Not at all,” your husband pulled you closer once more to soothe you. “Her gift – if used correctly – might be the most useful for all the peoples of Middle-earth.”

“How so?” You mumbled out the question and Annatar hesitated with the answer before smirking slightly.

“Only time will tell.”

MASTERLIST

[mercuriians]

can't remember to forget you

content warning — some profanity, mentions of alcohol, references to terminal illness. reader’s last name is mentioned once for plot purposes later on.

author’s note — HI YALL 🥴 this is totally unedited & i wrote this at 12am. i just wanted to get this out as quickly as possible so bare with me. as a fair warning there is a LOT to unpack with the reader’s backstory, and to be honest 90% of this fic is literally just you brooding over kenji LMAO 😭. this is basically just an experiment so if u guys like this plz let me know so i can write a follow up!!

you really have no idea as to how such an important piece of information slipped your mind. two of japan's most recent superstar athletes were returning home at the exact same time. it would've brought a smile to your face in any other situation. if only those two athletes hadn't been you and him. kenji.

it's been years since you two have spoken. well, those years were spent productively, with both of you dedicating much-needed time towards your respective sports. he rocked the baseball field. you shone on the basketball court. but at the end of the day, behind all the sweat and arena lights and post-game interviews, there was a sharp pain that remained unresolved at the back of your mind. the last memory you have of kenji is still freshly imprinted. you had been at his house, and having recently heard the devastating news of your mother being terribly ill, you had come to him seeking comfort. little did you know that he was hurting too, with another fight having just happened between him and his father.

there was so much going on at the time, so much to worry about and so much pain in general, that all the pent-up feelings between you two had burst within one crucial moment. he kissed you, and you kissed back. clothes came off. you ended up in his bed. for a while it had felt like heaven because yes, it distracted you from the worry that consumed you from the inside out, but it had also made your most secretive wishes come to fruition.

until that moment, only you had known how deeply and utterly in love you were with kenji, and how strongly those feelings had grown since you two were fourteen.

there was nothing else that could have made you happier. even now, you remember the feeling of his strong arms around you, the feeling of his mouth against yours. the way your name rolled off his tongue so smoothly, so adoringly, as he whispered it into your ear. the way he hugged you so firmly after you two made love, as if he was afraid that you would disappear.

but then you also remember how something in him changed only a few seconds later. how the atmosphere grew dark the moment he pushed you off and told you to leave without even looking you in the eye. there's a part of you that wants to think kenji didn't mean to hurt you the way he did. it's the more naive, more hopeful part of yourself, spinning stories of how he actually didn't want you to leave, and he just said it because he didn't know how to cope with his own feelings. ultimately, it's all wishful thinking, borne out of a desire to believe that he maybe did really love you.

kenji broke your heart that night, and right now, even as you board the plane headed to tokyo, even as you put on a smile and sign an autograph for a starstruck fan, you admit that not a single thing has changed. you're still holding onto the past, and you hate yourself for it. especially when you realize that kenji probably moved on a long time ago.

"you alright?" your agent, himari, asks when you two sit down. she's one of the sweetest people ever, and you really don't want to lie to her because of the guilt that you know you'll feel. you meet her hazel eyes. you open your mouth to respond.

"yeah, i'm fine," you smile.

damn it.

as the plane takes off, you do your best to remove kenji from your mind, if only for a little while. perhaps inevitably, you start thinking about the very reason you've decided to finally come home. exactly two nights ago, there was a dream you had while you were sleeping. it was vivid in its entirety, and there was fire and people screaming and something very, very big in the distance, in front of what seemed like a sports arena. conveniently enough, there was some sort of fog surrounding the mysterious figure, but you didn't need to see it to know what it actually was. a kaiju.

you remember the words your mother told you before she passed away. it was an extremely painful memory, and really there was nothing in the world that could have encapsulated how helpless you felt when you saw her frail figure. she used to be so strong, so lively with everything she did and said. it took you a while to recognize the woman that laid in the hospital bed. however even with the tears that had stung your vision at the time, you heard the very last traces of her resolve within the very last words she said to you.

"when you're old enough, i want you to start what i couldn't. . to protect the world with the gift i'll give you. please. . just remember that i love you, and that it's worth giving things a second chance."

as you stare out of the plane window, watching the world pass by below you, the clouds mix together and blur into a white haze. a moment later, you realize that tears are threatening to fall from your eyes. you wipe them away with your sleeve before they have the chance to. i'll do my best, mom, you think, hoping that somehow she can hear you. i don't know where or how i'll start, but i will.

there's a lot of things waiting for you in japan, and you're not entirely sure if you're ready. but at the end of the day, it's your home, and you know deep within your heart that you'll do anything to protect it. sliding your sunglasses onto your face, you close your eyes and try to get some rest before the plane lands.

around twelve hours later, tokyo is there to greet you in all its glory. it's night time, but the way the city lights contrast so beautifully against the sky's inky blue-black canvas is more than enough to bring a smile to your face. "we're home, himari," you say to the woman next to you.

"we are, indeed," she breathes out.

“man, not even los angeles can compete against this,” you chuckle lightly. your words carry quite a lot of weight to them, especially considering how you were completely and utterly starstruck for the first couple of weeks you were in california. there’s a reason so many movies were filmed there. yet, tokyo remains on another level, still reigning as the undefeated champion.

fine. maybe you’re a little biased.

however, your smile fades away when you realize that the probability of seeing him—kenji—is at an all time high. chances are, he’s already here. waiting for you.

stop that.

you shrug off the thought, reminding yourself that he had probably moved on years ago. there was no use in entertaining an idea that had been burnt out for a long time. the only person that would end up being hurt would be yourself—and speaking from experience, emotional distress was a lot different than physical. physical pain you could handle. as a basketball star, you were pretty accustomed to them by now. ankle sprains, muscle cramps, even that torn acl from a year ago, which had hurt like an absolute bitch.

emotional pain was entirely different territory. and it was territory that you were not willing to cross. not again.

god, you were such a mess. maybe indulging in a momentary distraction wouldn’t hurt.

“hey, himari, you wanna know what i’m cravin’ right now?” you ask, a false smile creeping onto your face. the woman in question gives you a wary look, brows slightly scrunched together as if she already knows what you’re going to say.

“a good night’s rest before your interview tomorrow?” she asks flatly.

you shake your head. “alcohol. lots of it.”

“ms. matsuda, i don’t think that’s a smart decision—”

waving her off, you protest, “just for tonight, i promise. we’re back home and i wanna celebrate. and how many times have i told you to call me by my first name?”

himari stares at you for a few moments before lowering her head and heaving a sigh. “fine. . [name]. please take care of yourself out there. and be prepared—i’m sure quite a lot of people will recognize you when you walk into the bar.”

you smile in triumph, holding up your sunglasses. “i’ve got that covered. sure, having these on at night are a little weird, but i’ll just pass it off as the new trend.”

your agent gives you another slightly concerned look before bidding you a good night. and with that, you start walking to the nearest bar. it’s small, inconspicuous, and lit up with only one neon sign. all good indicators that there’s probably not a lot of people in there. you walk in, head held high, without any trouble. your footsteps are light and unhurried against the wooden floor as your eyes quickly scan the environment—eleven or twelve people, give or take, two bartenders, a potted plant over by the corner. and a vacant stool at the far end. perfect.

sliding into the seat, you drum your fingers on the freshly cleaned counter as you decide on what to order. “the denki bran looks good, think i’ll get that,” you mutter to yourself.

you feel someone take the stool next to you, but you don’t pay it much mind. at least until they reply to your words. “yeah, it is good. pretty bold choice, though.”

your mouth drops open.

you hear the person next to you snicker quietly.

the snail-esque speed at which you turn your head would have been comical if it had been any other situation. however, it’s anything but funny when your heart jumps into your throat, when your eyes widen with pure and unadulterated shock as they meet those of familiar gunmetal gray bordering on black.

kenji gives you a sharp grin that’s only a little bit sheepish. “nice to see you again, ace.”

[fantasyescapes17]

Candle (Part 2)

You have always received the best of everything life has to offer: be it education, family, fortune or happiness. Mr. Yoon Jeonghan- one of the ton's renowned villains- cannot possibly bring you happiness of any kind, never mind wedded bliss. But can you evade Jeonghan's charms? Or will you find yourself falling victim to this clever rogue?

Genre: Yoon Jeonghan x female!reader. Regency!AU (It's sort of Bridgerton-esque in the sense that I give zero attention to historical accuracy and prioritize aesthetics lmao) You are Wonwoo's sister so your last name is Jeon, but the reader has no other specific characteristics, physical or otherwise.

Word Count: 5.2k+

Part 1 Part 3

Series Masterlist [I would recommend reading the first story in this series, Patience, before this one but it's not strictly necessary.]

It did occur to you that you should confide in your dear friend Miss Ella Williams about your encounter with Jeonghan. But Ella spent the entire carriage ride home gushing about how well travelled Mr. Xu Minghao was, and all the exotic places he had seen. You barely had time to speak. 

And perhaps you did not truly care to try. 

What Mr. Yoon Jeonghan had said and done was not only flirtatious, it was also a secret and telling anyone would surely destroy the excitement bubbling inside of you (particularly since Ella would tell you off for approaching Jeonghan so shamelessly). You had never had a secret before- much less one that involved such a dashing gentleman- and it was really quite thrilling. 

“Miss, where are your pearls?” Daisy asked, concerned, as she helped you undress for bed that night and found no necklace. "Have you lost them? Should I send word to the staff at the assembly rooms to search for them?"

You bit back a smile. "Oh- no need, Daisy. Ella wanted to try them on so I lent them to her. She will return them to me when we meet tomorrow."

Daisy relaxed. "Oh, of course, miss. Good night, then."

"Good night."

You closed your eyes and dreamt of Yoon Jeonghan until the candle in your bedchamber had completely burnt out. 

—----------------------------------------------

The Hongs' ball was a grand affair of unrivalled proportions. It was no secret that Viscount Hong was currently 'in the market' for a bride, so his mother had spared no expense for this season's ball hosted at their palatial London home. Even if you had been lacking for dance partners (which you were not) you could have passed an interesting evening simply by looking around all the lavishly furnished rooms at the Hongs’ magnificent manor. Your brother Wonwoo (who refused to dance beyond his mandatory two dances per ball) had surely found some interesting artwork to admire.  

But you had lots of dancing and socialising to do. 

You donned your favourite dress for the evening and decided to forgo a necklace. After all, when Jeonghan returned your pearls after your dance, it would be strange indeed if you were already wearing a necklace. 

"Show me your dance card, friend," Ella insisted as she pulled you aside and seized your little card. It was almost full. The evening was more than half over and you had already danced with a few gentlemen including Mr. Kim Mingyu and Mr. Hessington. You had promised the next one to the lively Mr. Lee Seokmin.

"You still have one dance unspoken for," Ella remarked. 

"Oh, I-I have promised the last dance of the evening as well- it is just that the gentleman has not yet signed my card," you admitted. Ella gave you a strange look but she was luckily distracted by the sight of one of her favourite new gentleman admirers, Mr. Xu Mighao entering the room. 

You watched with amusement as Ella batted her eyelashes at Minghao from across the room and gave him a pretty smile. You laughed. 

“What are you doing?” you demanded of her.  

She turned back to you. “Trying to coax Mr. Xu to ask me for a second dance. Do you think he might? He seems a little shy but I am quite certain that with some time and effort I might get him to make a bolder move. Will you excuse me?” 

“Oh, Ella, wait!” you grabbed your friend’s hand. 

“Yes?” 

“Will you lend me your little book?” you lowered your voice. “You know the one…”  

Ella giggled. “Someone’s caught your eye, have they? Of course. Here it is- I must go and take my chance to speak to Mr. Xu, so keep the book safely with you and I will collect it from you  later.” 

You accepted the book gratefully. It occurred to you that even if you did not tell Ella about the little candle that Yoon Jeonghan had lit in your heart, you should be better prepared for your next encounter with the man. Admittedly, you knew very little about Jeonghan. Only that he attended Oxford with Viscount Hong and had two half-sisters; one that had been out in society for many years but was still unmarried and the other one yet to debut. 

There was still a minute or two until your dance with Mr. Lee Seokmin so you quickly opened the book and flipped to find the page on Jeonghan. It was not nearly as full as Kim Mingyu’s had been (you were pleased to find that Mr. Yoon did not have a list of heartbroken women to occupy multiple lines of the page). 

But then you saw it. 

Rumoured to be an absolute  villain, Ella had scribbled at the top of the page. Mr. Yoon’s father died intestate and he inherited his entire vast fortune. Possesses wealth beyond measure but refuses to provide dowries for his half-sisters- and will not financially support his step-mother. Has been seen actively sabotaging Miss Yoon’s suitors. 

You stared at the page in shock. Could this be true? Could it really be true? Was Mr. Yoon Jeonghan such a selfish person that he would reduce his sisters and step-mother to poverty while he kept his father’s entire estate? That was far beyond normal selfishness. That was monstrous- even if he disliked his sisters excessively, it did not justify. There were times when you and Wonwoo did not see eye-to-eye but you could not imagine your brother going to such lengths to ruin your life. 

If Mr. Yoon Jeonghan was such a terrible person… 

You felt small and foolish. How could you have allowed yourself to be swept away by Jeonghan’s devilish ways? You had hoped for excitement, certainly, but this far beyond what you (or any sensible woman) could accept. If he treated his sisters this way, then why would he treat his wife any better? 

Not that you would ever become his wife. 

No, no, no, that was certainly out of the question now. 

“Miss Jeon! I believe the dance is about to begin.” 

You quickly tucked away Ella’s book in your skirts before turning to a smiling Mr. Lee Seokmin. He had his hand held out towards you- you accepted it with a forced smile and allowed him to lead you through the dance. You were fortunate that Mr. Lee was a cheerful gentleman who did not mind your short responses to his questions. It was impossible to focus on Seokmin when your mind was whirling with thoughts of Mr. Yoon Jeonghan, and how foolishly you had thrown yourself in the path of such a villainous man. 

What were you going to do?

The dance ended. Mr. Seokmin thanked you and went on his way- and you were struck with the terrible realisation that in a few short moments, the last dance of the evening would begin and Mr. Yoon would come to claim your company as promised. 

No. You could not dance with him. You had made enough of a fool enough of yourself and you decided you had rather die of embarrassment than risk dancing with him and having to speak to him after your discovery of his true character. What would you even say to the man? I apologise for flirting with you the other day, but really, I had no idea that you were a villain? No, it would not simply not do. The mere thought made you nauseous. 

Your eyes desperately searched the ballroom for an escape and you saw Mr. Kim Mingyu standing nearby and calmly sipping a drink as he eyed the refreshment table.  

“Mr. Kim! Do you have a partner for the next dance?” you demanded, trying not to reveal how flustered you were. 

Mingyu blinked down at you with mild surprise. “No, I was actually going to sit down for this one-” 

“You must dance with me.” 

Mr. Kim Mingyu smirked and folded his arms across his chest. “Miss Jeon, that is quite shocking. Not only is it improper for a lady to ask a gentleman to dance, but unless you have forgotten, we have already danced together once this evening. A second dance would surely raise some questions-” 

Mingyu suddenly stopped speaking. His eyes landed on someone behind you. You recognized the intruder with a sinking feeling when you heard the familiar voice that had occupied your dreams all night. 

“Miss Jeon. I believe you owe me the next dance,” Mr. Yoon said calmly. 

Your throat tightened. You preferred to think that you appeared calm but, in reality, the utter panic that had seized your entire body was quite evidently written on your face. You turned around to face Yoon Jeonghan but kept your shaky gaze fixed on a random spot on his chin to avoid having to read the expression in his eyes. 

“M-Mr. Yoon,” you said, your voice breaking slightly. “It is a pleasure to see you, but I am afraid you are quite mistaken. I have already promised this dance to Mr. Kim.” 

Mingyu raised an eyebrow but did not speak. 

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes with a hint of confusion. He was not stupid. It was immediately evident to him that your tone- indeed, your entire manner- towards him had changed drastically since the previous evening. You appeared almost afraid of him. Jeonghan’s smile fell, but he did not argue. He calmly took a step back and nodded. 

“I see. My apologies, I must have been mistaken,” he said simply. “Enjoy your dance.” 

Jeonghan left without any further ado and you swallowed deeply before turning back to face Mingyu. Mingyu was not inclined to allow your awkward behaviour to pass without comment. He glanced awkwardly at the retreating Mr. Yoon, and then back at you. 

“Miss Jeon, I really have to ask-” 

“I’d rather you didn’t,” you cut him off quickly. 

“Yes, but-” 

“You said I could always summon you if I required a dance partner. Are you reneging on your promise?” you insisted. 

Mingyu sighed before offering you his arm. “No, I certainly do not renege on my promises. But you should know that Mr. Yoon is a close friend to both myself and your brother. Secrets don’t stay hidden for long in the ton- and you will certainly not be able to keep yours for very long if you are this terrible at concealing your feelings.” 

You flushed, but could not think of anything to say. 

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Kim Mingyu was not wrong. Your secret barely lasted a few hours- indeed, it was exposed that very night. 

“Is there something I should know about you and Mr. Yoon?” your brother Wonwoo asked as soon as you arrived home from the Hongs’ ball. 

Your parents had already retreated to their bedchambers for the night and you were downstairs in the grand foyer with your brother. Wonwoo had never been one to speculate or inquire excessively into your life. He was more calm and level-headed than you. 

His lack of interest in most things also made him easier to deceive. 

You flushed and pretended to occupy yourself by adjusting a decorative piece on the mantel. “Mr. Yoon? Not at all. I know very little about him.” 

“Then why have I been asked to return this to you?” 

You turned slowly and your heart sank as you saw what Wonwoo was dangling between his fingers. Your pearl necklace. Oh no. You had been exposed. The necklace made everything look far more scandalous than it really was, and if word spread among the ton that a gentleman had been in possession of one of your necklaces then it would lead to all sort of speculation, and your virtue would be questioned, and you would be ruined, simply ruined-

“Sister,” Wonwoo said gently as he pressed a comforting hand to your shoulder. “Relax. Your secret is safe.  It is only Mr. Kim Mingyu and I who have heard of it, and neither of us would allow this to be revealed further.” 

You blinked up at him with tears forming in your eyes. “Oh Wonwoo, I have been quite stupid!” you confessed miserably. 

Wonwoo gestured to an armchair. “Sit.” 

“I-I really shouldn’t have flirted with Mr. Yoon, I know, and I should probably have scolded him when he took the necklace, but you must believe that I really had no idea of his villainous reputation!” you confessed. 

Your horror at having discovered Jeonghan’s true nature had caused you to forget entirely about the fact that he still had your pearl necklace in his possession. Wonwoo sighed as he sat opposite you. Your brother did not seem angry- his expression was far more sympathetic than you felt you deserved. 

“You are right that you have been stupid, but I’m not sure you understand the exact instances in which you have been stupid,” Wonwoo replied.  

You frowned. “What?” 

“Firstly, sister, you are lucky that Mr. Yoon is a gentleman. He returned the pearls directly to me and explained the circumstances. Considering how you offended him by openly declining a dance, a lesser man may not have been so careful to ensure that the necklace- and word of it- did not fall into the wrong hands.”

“Y-yes, I suppose not,” you admitted. 

“What caused you to suddenly refuse to dance with him?” Wonwoo questioned. “From what I understand, you were quite happy to indulge in flirtation with him at the assembly rooms yesterday evening.”  

“I had not heard then,” you mumbled. “About his family.” 

“That he has supposedly stolen his sisters’ dowries, ruins their prospects, and threatens to throw his step-mother out into the streets?” Wonwoo asked.

“Well-yes.” 

“And you believe these rumours?” 

Your eyes widened. “Should I not?” 

Wonwoo rubbed his temple with his fingers. He seemed torn. “These are not my secrets to tell so I will not be the one to reveal them to you. But let me say one thing, sister. If I had done to you what Mr. Yoon is rumoured to have done to his sisters, you would never speak to me again.” 

“That is… true,” you admitted. 

“And yet Miss Yoon does not appear to bear any grudges against her brother.” 

You paused and thought about it for a moment. It was true; Miss Yoon was often in the company of her brother and you had never seen her look displeased or upset with Jeonghan. You had simply assumed that she was a good-natured woman- she certainly appeared oddly content with her dire circumstances- but surely, if she had such a villainous brother as that, she would not want to be in his company?

“I mean- if she is financially dependent upon him, then it stands to reason that-” you began to argue. 

Wonwoo stood up before pressing the pearl necklace into your hands. “I won’t say anything further. Just be more careful in the future, sister.”

You clasped the necklace tightly and nodded. 

“Yes, of course. Thank you, Wonwoo.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You spent a few days mulling over your thoughts. It was difficult to decide what to do- your feelings were mixed and you could not quite determine whether you had made a mistake in distancing yourself from Mr. Yoon, or if it was for the best that you did not continue an acquaintance with a man who had such a terrible reputation in society. 

It was not long before you were presented with an opportunity to learn more. 

“We have been invited to a ladies’ tea this afternoon by Mrs. Yoon,” your mother informed you over breakfast later that week. “I have accepted the engagement for us, I hope you will not find it an unpleasant way to spend your afternoon?” 

Your eyes widened. “Not at all, mother, it sounds lovely.” 

“Perhaps you will have an opportunity to befriend Miss Yoon,” Wonwoo suggested lightly as he buttered his toast. You frowned at your brother across the table- but he did not look up at you. “I hear her circumstances are quite dire, what with her half-brother refusing her a dowry.” 

Mother narrowed her eyes at him. 

“And why are you so interested in Miss Yoon, pray tell?” she insisted. “Perhaps you are intending to court her?” 

“I have no particular intention of courting any woman. I only recommended Miss Yoon as a potential friend to my sister,” Wonwoo replied coolly. 

Your mother turned back to you with a sigh. 

“I worry that we shall have to consider ourselves fortunate if your brother agrees to wed any woman- her dowry be damned. But we shall not allow Wonwoo to rain upon our day, my darling. Let us take a walk in the garden before we depart for the Yoon's."

You nodded. "Of course, mother."

You felt rather nervous that afternoon when you entered Yoons' large London home and took your seat in their tea parlour. It was a ladies' tea, so you knew that the chances of seeing Jeonghan were very slim- but it still made you anxious to be walking around a home that he owned. 

"What stunning artwork!" the ladies gasped. There were at least ten women gathered in the Yoon's parlour for the afternoon tea. The lack of sufficient common topics of conversation meant that the lavish art pieces in the parlour served as an ice-breaker. 

"Yes- I selected these myself," Mrs. Yoon gushed. "When my husband was still alive, of course. He was such a lover of the arts, he really understood the value of having quality pieces to brighten up a room-"

It was incredibly dull. 

You had very little interest in art or paintings, and absolutely none in the uninformed opinions of the older ladies of the ton. You had no choice but to pick up your teacup and approach the quiet Miss Yoon. She had not spoken much all afternoon, but smiled at you kindly. 

"Miss Yoon," you greeted the woman. "I do not think we have properly met."

She welcomed you to sit beside her. "That is correct- but I have heard much about you, Miss Jeon. I have also had the pleasure of meeting your brother and dancing with him a few times."

"So you have had the unpleasant experience of being one of his obligatory two dance partners at every ball," you teased. But your interest was now piqued- how did she know Wonwoo? "May I ask how you came to be in the unfortunate position of dancing with Wonwoo?"

"We were introduced last year by my brother, Jeonghan," Miss Yoon said simply. "I believe Jeonghan knew him from their days at Oxford together."

You sipped your tea to hide your surprised expression. It was strange- Jeonghan's name fell from her lips so easily and without the slightest hint of malice or disdain. If her brother was such a villain, surely she could not speak of him in such a casual tone? 

Or was Miss Yoon simply an expert at hiding her emotions?

You gently prodded further. 

"Wonwoo hardly speaks about his time at Oxford although I ask him so many questions," you began. You would have to tread carefully in your quest for information. "I have always been fascinated by the idea of going away to college. But Wonwoo will not indulge me. Is your brother the same?"

Miss Yoon blinked in surprise. "Oh- no, Jeonghan speaks of his time at Oxford often. We frequently have his old classmates over to dine or for tea. I have heard plenty of stories."

"I see."

"Perhaps if stories of Oxford interest you, you should speak to Mr. Kim Mingyu or Mr. Kwon Soonyoung. Even Mr. Lee Seokmin. They are all very engaging story-tellers, and I doubt any of them would decline to answer questions from a beautiful young woman such as yourself."

You frowned. This was too strange. Surely if there was bad blood between Miss Yoon and her brother, he would not introduce her to his old classmates and tell her about his time away at college? It was stranger still that she should be so familiar with Jeonghan's friends- Mr. Kim, Mr. Kwon…

Miss Yoon blinked at you in surprise. "Have I offended you, Miss Jeon?"

You quickly masked your frown. 

"Oh! No, not at all, Miss Yoon! I apologise- I was only thinking of how I wish my own brother was a little more interested in society and conversation," you lied quickly. "I could not help but admire how beautiful your home is. If it is not too much trouble, could I perhaps see some of the other rooms?"

Miss Yoon nodded. She was not particularly enjoying herself in the tea parlour either. "I should be delighted to show you the house."

You each informed your mothers of your intention to explore the rest of the house, and were sent off with their blessing. 

"I am afraid you do not appear to enjoy these afternoon teas," you remarked to Miss Yoon, while she showed you around the grand dining room and half-heartedly explained the origins of the antique china displayed in the cabinets. 

She smiled thoughtfully. "I will not lie- I shall be glad when I no longer have to come to London every season. I would be perfectly happy to spend all year in the countryside."

"But will you not feel lonely? There must be very little society in the countryside," you remarked. 

She smiled. "I should prefer the company of one or two people I love, over an entire society of people I do not."

"Oh," you mumbled. "I actually rather like being in London for the season. The balls are such good fun, and I enjoy dancing very much. Perhaps the conversation becomes dull on occasion, but… I believe dull conversation is better than none at all."

Miss Yoon laughed. "Of course, Miss Jeon. I never meant to suggest otherwise. If you like society, then of course you must enjoy the season to its fullest. You are young, beautiful, and well-loved by the ton."

You looked up at her boldly. "Do you mean to imply that you are not?'

"I…" Miss Yoon gave you a gentle smile. "God forbid you should remain unmarried well into your late twenties with your prospects lessening by the day. Perhaps then you shall not enjoy society as much either."

"Perhaps not," you admitted. 

"But I do not believe you shall have to suffer the same fate as me. You seem to have captured the interest of many young men."

It was increasingly odd. While Miss Yoon spoke of her suffering and decreasing prospects, you did not see any actual pain in her eyes or hear any anxiety in her tone. She talked about her difficulties plainly, almost as though she spoke of someone other than herself. 

Something was very, very unusual about all this. 

Arm-in-arm, you both exited the dining room and entered the drawing room- and were struck suddenly by a shocking sight. 

Mr. Yoon Jeonghan had just entered the drawing room from a different entryway. You found yourself standing face to face with the handsome man in his brown riding jacket.  Jeonghan's dark hair was slightly tousled, and he had a hunting rifle tucked under his arm. 

"Jeonghan!" Miss Yoon greeted her brother pleasantly. "I did not know you would be here. Have you returned from hunting so soon?"

Jeonghan nodded. His dark eyes landed on you  briefly but he did not allow them to linger for too long.  He cleared his throat. "Yes. I'm afraid there was a bit of rain so the game was not as plentiful as it could have been. I see you have company."

"Ah-yes- Miss Jeon, allow me to introduce you to my brother, Jeonghan," Miss Yoon said. 

"We have met," you said hastily. "We were introduced at the Hessington's ball by Viscount Hong. It-it is a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Yoon."

Jeonghan nodded. 

"And you, Miss Jeon."

"I was showing Miss Jeon around the house. The conversation in the tea parlour with the rest of the ladies was growing quite monotonous," Miss Yoon explained pleasantly. "But perhaps we should be returning now."

Jeonghan set his rifle down and reached into his coat pocket."Of course. But just a moment- sister- I have a letter for you from our mutual friend."

You watched as Miss Yoon attempted to conceal her delight at the envelope that her brother produced. Had you not been paying close attention, you might not have noticed the way her usually calm eyes suddenly  lit up like a beacon.  

But you were paying attention, and you did notice. As a fellow woman you could not possibly mistake the expression on her face. 

That was the expression of a woman in love. 

It all clicked into place suddenly. 

Of course. Of course, Miss Yoon is having an affair, of course she is perfectly happy without a dowry or suitors or prospects because she does not need any of it! She is in love!

You straightened up and smiled. "It would appear that you have been awaiting that letter, Miss Yoon- please feel free to sit down and read it, if you like. Perhaps Mr. Yoon might help me find my way back to the tea parlour?"

Miss Yoon hesitated. "I…"

Jeonghan looked at you for a long moment. He was evidently confused. His expression made it quite clear that he did not know why you had publicly rejected him at the Hongs' ball but were now orchestrating a situation to be alone with him. But, for whatever reason, he did not protest. 

Jeonghan offered you his arm. "It would be a pleasure to escort you back to the tea parlour, Miss Jeon."

Miss Yoon could scarcely object when every part of her yearned to be left alone and read her letter. She allowed Jeonghan to lead you out of the drawing room without much ado. 

The moment you were alone, Jeonghan tensed.

"Miss Jeon-"

"Mr. Yoon," you stopped walking and turned to face him. Jeonghan's handsome face looked down at yours with a softness that you had not expected. "Mr. Yoon, you must be terribly confused. I owe you an apology."

He pursed his lips and shook his head. "I do not require one."

"But it is true that I agreed to dance with you, and then avoided you-"

"Miss Jeon," Jeonghan said firmly. His voice was tense but gentle. "You do not owe me an apology. I behaved inappropriately at the assembly rooms the other evening. I was carried away by our flirtation. I am the one who should apologise. It was never my intention to pressure you to dance with me, or to cause you discomfort."

You bit your lip. "I-I was not uncomfortable-"

"You very clearly were."

"It was not because of the… the flirtation," you mumbled, still finding it a little embarrassing to use the word openly in the presence of a gentleman. 

The corner of Jeonghan's lips curved upwards. 

"Oh?" he asked. 

"Only because- just before our planned dance, I heard some things that made me…question your character…"

Jeonghan's eyes widened in understanding. 

"I see."

"But I am not sure what to think anymore. I did not think I wanted to associate with a man that would take his sisters' dowries. But my brother vouches for you, and the very woman who is the supposed victim of your offences- your sister- does not seem to bear you any ill-will. ."

Jeonghan folded his arms across his chest and nodded. "I understand."

"Is it true? Have you really taken away their dowries?" you asked him boldly. You looked up and met his eyes- Jeonghan seemed surprised and a little pained. He was silent for a long moment before he responded. 

"The rumours are not entirely baseless," he admitted carefully. 

"You are avoiding the question."

"I may be."

"But you are a gentleman," you pressed him. "And you cannot deny it, since only a gentleman would have quietly returned the pearls to my brother without breathing a word to anyone. So I would like to believe that whatever offences the ton believes you to be guilty of- perhaps you have committed these offences not to harm your sister, but rather to enable her happiness."

Jeonghan stiffened. "I can neither confirm, nor deny-"

"I am not asking you to confirm it. I am well aware, Mr. Yoon, that you are not a man who easily admits to anything. I am simply telling you what I have chosen to believe," you replied. 

Jeonghan smiled. "I suppose you are free to believe whatever you choose, Miss Jeon. I can hardly stop you."

You smirked. "And you are quite sure?"

"I have no objection."

"Would you still have no objection if I saw fit to mention my beliefs to others?" you teased. "For you see, I appear to have stumbled into possession of a secret- one that I have no incentive to keep,  since I owe no loyalty to any of the involved parties."

"I will depend upon your secrecy, Miss Jeon-"

"You may not. I do not keep secrets for free, Mr. Yoon. If you do not want me to expose your true nature as a selfless brother and gentleman to the ton, I will require more than empty-handed pleas."

Jeonghan chuckled. "You are full of surprises, Miss Jeon. Very well. I will not plead with you. But there must be some way to secure your secrecy?"

You looked up at him coyly through your eyelashes.

"There is. I shall require compensation," you said to him in a low voice. Jeonghan's eyes twinkled with delight as he looked down at you "And before you ask- no, I have no need of money."

Mr. Yoon smirked. 

"Then what may I offer you instead, Miss Jeon?"

You hummed thoughtfully. "I believe this secret is large enough to necessitate collecting my compensation in instalments. You may pay me the first instalment on Monday- by dancing with me at the Hastings' ball."

Jeonghan leaned down to whisper quietly in your ear, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. 

"We have a deal."

—---------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thank you so much for the attention this series has received! I honestly did not expect such a positive response since my blog is so new, but I guess I'm not the only one who gets all tingly at the thought of regency!Seventeen, haha. I wanted to keep Candle short but I got carried away- so it will be a three-parter now and I'm working on the third part so hopefully in a few days I can upload it? I'm doing Mingyu next so hopefully you guys are excited for that too!

Feel free to reach out to me with feedback or anything! I'm not sensitive. :D Also any advice on how best to tag my fics would be helpful, I'm not sure what the best practice is for this stuff.

[chibishortdeath]

I did a little bit of background practice yesterday. I usually forget that I could be drawing scenery and stuff so I’m kinda rough at it. It took like three tries to get the results of that first picture (second picture was one of those tries, and I’m not even showing the other one it was really bad 💀💀💀)

Also just throwing in some other doodles cause yeah :3. Simon. Some of these are from the same page and some of these are ones I think I forgot to post a bit ago so if there’s repeats then eh whatever lol. Explanations under a cut :)

This is pretty much just a study of a photo of a graveyard I ran into on Pinterest. Liminal spaces are very nice for finding background references because you can be sure no one is gonna be in them and they have the weird vibe that The Guy™️ should be in. But holy HELL trees are HARD. Like obviously I know what a tree looks like but the second I have to draw branches trees suddenly do not make sense anymore 💀

Another liminal space, this one was a path with the sky completely blacked out. I tried putting Simon into it but he kinda ended up a little muddled and too small augh. I’m also not very great at combining people and backgrounds so uh yeah. This one was also a much faster doodle just trying to warm up for the first one. But eh it’s cool idk. I need to put him in more liminal spaces or like try to draw the Simon’s Quest areas in 3D eventually.

Small practice comic! There’s no words, Simon just kinda walks a bit and passes out. I was gonna have more things happen but I didn’t have the room for it and decided to just leave it as a little practical piece. He’s probably gonna get up in a little bit and freak out about how much time he wasted.

Just a Simon head :3. His hair is fun to draw! I usually end up simplifying things as like a little uh polygonal… I think that’s the word… When drawing skulls, I usually go for octagons instead of circles because that’s much easier, but that ends up bleeding into how I draw hair making it kinda spikey and pointy in some spots on the top. I feel like I draw pretty inconsistently, but he’s very pretty and fun to draw regardless of how he ends up :3

This is some weird ass fan art of two things that aren’t related at all lmao. Sometimes you gotta crossover things that don’t make sense for the fun of it. This is Simon drawn based on a scene from the Fear Garden music video! Fear Garden is a banger, shout out to Chaa fr, it’s a vocaloid song about a girl who has a weird obsession with hands (Kira joke lol) and kills people to plant their hands in her secret garden where she treats them like flowers. Yeah, again it makes no sense, but the pose with the two mirrored characters was really cool and idk the vibes were there—

Simon sitting in between two graves, both say “BELMONT” in big letters, but one is for Christopher and Cyncia and the other is for Soleil and whoever his significant other was, we don’t have a name so it’s cut off. This has me thinking about the time in between all these characters hmm. Doing the math, Soliel would’ve been in his 90s when Simon was born, so there’s actually a good chance he wasn’t Simon’s grandfather, rather his great grandfather :O. Which means that there’s two generations we know nothing about between these two. And also that Simon would’ve never met either Soleil or Christopher or Cyncia :(. Then that has me thinking about fan comic stuff and how I’m gonna depict Simon hmmmmmmm. I imagine Simon spent a lot of time in the family graveyard tbh.

Simon is totally me when I dramatically collapse on a large marble monument of some sort in the graveyard— There’s also a couple attempts at drawing his paldrons at different angles but aaaa I can’t visualize these things properly. They’re just like kinda flared half ovals, why are they so hard to draw at any angle but like head on and top view 💀💀💀??? I’m trying to get out of the habit of drawing them bent in angles that don’t make sense but argggggg it’s hard lol.

Yeah, recent doodles tho yippie d(^^ )!

[dailytomlinson]

Hi! If you’ve been wondering “what the fuck is going on?” due to most things being posted with a huge delay or not at all, I just wanna share what’s been up on my end of life. Last year was a rollercoaster on it’s own and towards the end of year, I felt the urge to visit a side of my [exchange student host] family I hadn’t really visit in 7 years (in the U.S.) and we’ve had some losses early in 21/22 and I felt like it was time to take time (and money) to pay them a visit and get to mourn our losses, spread some good ol positivity and love to people that quite literally saved my life when I first moved in, back in 2012. I hadn’t told them I was going to visit during the holidays and 3 days after I bought my flight, my grandmother received the news that the illness she had been feeling all October had a name and a due date: cancer, 3 months max. I was devastated and knew the worse would probably happen over the holidays or right after I left there to come home and I was right. On December 30th, 2 weeks after I got there and had the chance to seat down with her, say a lot of the things I wanted and listen to a lot she had to say, she just... You know. It’s been really emotionally hard for me (well, to our entire family), because I never really got along with my biological family and she embrace me as her own, and been this grandmother figure for me that I desperately needed and when I needed it the most; I was vulnerable, lonely and couldn’t really speak the language, but she treated me as her own from day one and changed my life, changed how I perceived love and family altogether. I left my home there and spent some time travelling because a girl needs a vacation after an intense year. Anyways, that aside, I knew that on my return home, I’d change job titles due new laws and in a good twist, the place I work at decided to let me keep my current job (because I’m ✨too fucking good✨) and I got a second job offer which sent my current boss into a spiral thinking I was going to drop her (LMAO) and etc etc etc, so, all this said, it’s safe to say December/January have been CHAOTIC, with my feelings all over the place and I genuinely haven’t had the time to keep up. It’s just me. Clau @tomlinsun helps when she can and Ingrid, @delicatepointofview, bless her heart, does LITERALLY the most and she’s not even part of the team officially, it’s just her, all my e-mails, passwords and her insomnia against the world. I haven’t stopped caring about Louis, haven’t changed into whatever you clowns seem to think, I just been alive and living. I’m trying to organise my semester ahead so I can have some more time and etc. Louis still means the world to me and this blog was, is and will always be my baby!  That being said, let’s hit the road, hopefully we finally get guitar!Louis this time around! 🎸🎤

[kingslionheart]

📝(story from your childhood), 📺 (top 5 tv shows; ooops, I saw that you didn’t like make list too late, just name the one you like the most!), 🚀 (where do you wanna visit), 📚 (career goal) and 📅 (favourite time of the year)! (I hope this amount of emojis isn’t overwhelming, xoxo)

LMAO HI THAT'S A FUNNY AMOUNT, I LOVE IT THANK YOUU xx

📝 - story from your childhood

i have no idea how funny this would be in english compared to my native language, but YEAH I WILL TELL IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT'S MY FAVOURITE.

in fourth grade we had to do an essay on our grandmas, i have only had one so i chose her immediately. my grandma is a sicilian woman who moved to northern italy in her 30s to work in a factory. one of her favourite things to do was giving nicknames to people, she loved it immensely and mine was a diminutive of my name.

at least when i was little i thought it was just a diminutive of my name.

so very innocently i wrote on my fourth grade essay, with a very pretty handwriting too, that my grandma always called me "minchiolina".

"minchiolina" is indeed a diminutive though not of the name "michela", but of the word "minchia" which is sicilian for "dick", so i very charmingly wrote that my grandma always called me "little dick".

i still don't know how my teacher reacted to that, but i do remember how hard my grandma laughed when i made her read the essay and that's a memory i keep very close to my heart

📺 - top 5 tv shows

AHAHAHAAHHA DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!! my favourite is the last kingdom (predictable of me) but let me tell you that i still don't know if i seriously find it absolutely amazing/perfect because it is or because i spent most of my life watching shows from the cw and therefore my bar is low MFHSJHSHSHA

🚀 - where do you wanna visit

SCOTLAND. i don't know why but it is just so pretty, i thought it was just for edinburgh but it is seriously the whole of scotland, i wanna visit it all i can't

📚 - career goal

i actually have two BUT THEY ARE CONNECTED IN WEIRD WAYS!!

the first and main one is becoming a screenwriter, i have been wanting to do that since i was a child and it's a passion that i just can't get rid off and that i don't want to give up on. i recently started to try to write plays too, but i'm finding the approach to that a bit difficult so i still need to get used to it as well, but it's absolutely interesting and i love it. the genre i prefer to write in though is period drama so to be accurate i decided to study history. YEAH. THAT'S THE MAIN REASON WHY I STUDY HISTORY. do not get me wrong i do love history, but it also works well for my main career goal.

so the second career goal i have is to become a historian and at first i thought that it wouldn't have been the best option ever and it would have been difficult, but seeing that all my professors in uni were able to achieve that has given me so much hope that perhaps i could too so i keep both paths open!!

📅 - favourite time of the year

AUTUMN. i love the colours of it and there's always so much rain, i just love it. it is the season of the soul as they say and it warms my heart so much, BUT ALSO i really like winter but mostly for the christmas vibes which always put me in a good mood and i need that a lot!!

[klvm0nn]

Pretty Agnes…I MEAN PRETTY AGATHA!

Actually, her being Agnes, Billy’s sister, should be a spoiler…But I don’t have lots of subscribers to make y’all wait. So here she is!

So! What’s her lore? (Contains spoilers to her and Billy’s backstory, obviously)

When Billy was 4 years old, his mother married another man and gave birth to Agnes. (Billy’s father drowned when the boy was a toddler)

Agnes is Billy’s MOST favorite person. And considering the terror he received from his religious society, he was frightened by what horrible things could happen to her. When Agnes was eleven and Billy was fifteen, he realized that the time has come.

Did you know that in religious society, when puberty heats you, especially when you are a girl, your life mode switches to hardcore? Billy knew that. But how a sociopathic, mentally unstable and traumatized teenager could save his sister and rid off the problem?

He decided to murder his stepfather.

The attempt was failed, though. Did he really think he could kill a grown man? Lmao. However, he caused serious injuries and left Agnes’s father disabled for the rest of his life. Billy was sent to the mental asylum and little Agnes spent her youth all alone.

Does she love Billy? No. First of all, she was brainwashed by her parents. Second of all, she was too little to memorize how much he loved her. Probably she doesn’t even remember him or his appearance clearly.

Growing up, Agnes became less tbh creature and more Regina George. In a contrast to her 😝greasy😝 old brother, she managed to be really beautiful. She knew that. She also knew she wanted to be a star as her talent for singing, performing and dancing couldn’t be unnoticed. However, no one was happy about it, as religious people consider "stars" to be whores. Did Agnes care? No. Just like her brother, she’s a REBEL‼️‼️‼️

One day, without permission, she ran away from home to visit an audition in city. Spoiler! Agnes didn’t manage to make it, probably because of transport or smth like that.

A disappointment to your family. Agnes was not welcomed in her home anymore. Broken and lost she had to become a nun as there was no other good option. She took a new name and started a new life there, meanwhile planning on her another visit to the audition. Agnes isn’t really religious, she just uses the monastery so she has a roof over her head. Somehow she became really popular there, nuns usually try to impress her for some reason. Probably because emotionally and spiritually Agnes is really strong and she wins over people.

That’s all for now I guess!!! There’s more information about her, but I am soooo tired so I’ll probably just make more art with her so you don’t have to read such massive posts. Sorry if I have any mistakes, it’s literally 2 AM and I’m veeeerrrryyy sleepy. HOPE Y’ALL ENJOYED MY PRETTY AGNES’ BACKSTORY_(:3 」∠)_

[dillweedshole]

A really fucking big post entirely about Karrie and (most of) my history with her

i feel like i've rarely touched my ocs in ages so here's one about my favourite. this one's got a hell of a developmental story.

(it's big enough to warrant a Read More lmao)

This is Karrie. You've probably seen her, you may or may not like her, i don't care, i like her. The big fucking thing behind her is also her, that's her Monarch form.

So how shocked would you be if I told you this is how she started?:

Yuck. Gross. This was EARLY 2021 I absolutely COULD do better than that. Let's not talk about the MSPaint Line Tool lineart and instead talk about how she acted. She was a woman. No, there really isn't that much more, I went back and read through my first canned series and I shit you not she really is just super fucking boring.

V2 was still bog-standard basic ol' Karrie. Just, y'know, now the art is a little better. She's still the same fucking woman but now she's just not.. Yuck, y'know?

Now, one day for Lex I made him an alternate 'Twisted' form. I decided "well, damn, i'm bored" and made one up for Karrie. I had plans for lore revolving around Lex's form but Karrie's was to be completely non-canon.

See? Even in late 2021 I was bad at listening to myself.

This is Twisted Karrie. Believe it or not, I don't know how she would act. This and one other drawing are the only ones with this exact design.

The plans were still in effect, I was not going to give her any canonicity whatsoever, this was just me dicking around. .. And then my friend Numi drew this;

(image link: https://www.deviantart.com/cuteario-numi/art/Creepy-twisted-Karrie-888840902)

And then something clicked. Obviously she's a better artist than me, let's not call an orange an apple, that shit slaps does it not??

So i decided to do something to the design because i didn't know where to go with the original one, and i took a couple bits and pieces from what she made here.

Twisted 2.0. Give her arms more beef, puff out that dress, elongate the hair, make her eyes big gaping holes, and make her mouth all melty and tear-y.

Honestly, this was good enough for me at the time. just enough cool but not too much that it became stupid to draw.

Not many more changes happened to Karrie after twisted for a while, she was just gonna be normal woman with dark secret!!

(i also redid the one drawing numi did with the new look.)

And then one day, i just decided to add a single little point of lore, that her Base form should look like the Twisted form is kinda leaking into it, and drew her with that in mind.

We can now see current Karrie peeking out.

This set a spark something fucking FIERCE after that one tidbit she's never been the same.

I spent a good like two months refining the design, she had a small phase where she looked like she had absolutely zero fucking self control.

This was also when I introduced an bigger lore tidbit: Her trainer dies. That's the smoking gun for her going Twisted/Monarch.

You can clearly see that I struck fucking GOLD with the story details, eventually I just decided to calm her down a bunch and now we're about where we are now.

At least for Base Karrie. Let's go back to Twisted for a second.

For a little while she was a little stagnant. I didn't change a whole lot for a while.

Then not long after I finally made Base Karrie good, I decided "how about her Twisted form look like her Base a little more."

I think this was around when I changed "Twisted" to "Feral." That name change also changed her behavior a LOT. She went from "Scared, Defensive Demon" to "Malicious, Cunty Demon" and that's about where Feral should've been.

The only big visual change was really in the hair. She stayed like this for a couple months.

I was drawing for Powerless and i think at some point i decided "Well. That dress fucking sucks. Let's change it."

For a while this was still Feral, but this is basically Monarch as we know it now.

And uh, That's about it. You can definitely SEE my art getting better throughout each design, too.

She's gone from "Woman Side Character" to "Bad Bitch Main Character" especially considering lore.

I can definitely try doing one for Lex, he's had a relatively decent history too, but Karrie's had the most remarkable mixup of any of my characters (asides from her trainer dying lmao gotem ez).

[unch4rtedwxters]

hmmmm. sokeefe headcanons in regards to how sophie and keefe (could/should) bond over the differences and similarities in the forbidden cities? (small ex to get the ball rolling if you need it: sophie calling these fries, vs keefe possibly calling them chips because of how much time he spent in london)

i saw this and immediately liked your idea. i mulled over it for like five minutes then decided to do it later but the second i left tumblr i had an idea. my brain hates me.

ANYWAY

i was thinking maybe sophie and keefe had a black swan mission that took them to the forbidden cities, probably somewhere in the states. they decide to go eat something to blend in better and sophie, as a side for something, decides to order fries. so after the waiter leaves, keefe asks, "what are fries," and sophie says, "oh, y'know, like the potato stick things that are deep fried." and keefe says, "you mean chips?" and sophie's like, "oh i forgot you were in london." keefe says, "what do you mean." sophie then explains that some things have different names in different countries. keefe smirks and says, "the mysterious miss F just got a lot more mysterious," and sophie gets red because so many people are in earshot and also it's keefe and she likes the nickname lmao. keefe manages to get her to explain more and just listens to her because i'm just now realizing that it's a great headcanon that keefe likes to hear sophie talk about things in the forbidden cities. and obviously they leave the restaurant with keefe making sophie promise to buy him EL fudges.

[pkmnnursecass]

Ciao!

Hey there Rotomblr! I saw some of my coworkers talking about this app, so I decided to try it out! Name’s Cassidy, but you can call me Cass! I’m a big fan of She/Her pronouns, so use those for me if you'd please! I’m an aide down at that new Pokémon Center in Freezington, Galar. Nice to meet everyone!

Here’s my Trainer Card and a pic of me! Hope you can see them- I still have no idea how this site works lmao

Anyway, I'm from Castelia City in Unova! I spent a few years studying abroad in Kalos, and now I'm working in the Crown Tundra at the new Center they set up! I loooove astrology, cooking (especially curry), reading, movies and cardgames!!! I still don’t know a lot about Pokémon, but I’m good at taking care of them! I hope so, anyway. Lemme talk a little bit about my own!

Valentine - Ribombee: my first partner! I caught her when my family was vacationing in Alola way back. She's soooo adorable, and helps me out at the Center a ton!!

Chime - Chingling: my second Pokémon! I found him while studying in Kalos. He's more like emotional support for me, honestly. He's just as cute as Val!

Chansey: I got her from my employer (which I guess is the region???? Idk). She's very cool, and I think we work well together!

Lumi - Metang: Lumi was given to me by a friend in Kalos! They don't understand Galarian very well...and I'm no good at Kalosian...but I think they like it up here!! And they help out a lot!!!

Cheri - Spritzee: My newest team member!!! I caught her in Hammerlocke during my vacation (it keeps happening lol) She's super sweet!!!

That’s all for now! I can share my dreams and aspirations later, lol. Feel free to talk to me about anything- Pokémon, life, good recipes, movie recs, card games…like I said, anything!!!! It’s real lonely up here in the tundra, so any interaction is welcome!

Ciao! 🩷

(OOC stuff under the cut \/)

Update 1/7/24: Decided to update this, to offer more information and just generally be less cluttered! Also got rid of Cass' middle name, because that was lame and I forgot about it

Howdy! This is a Pokemon IRL Blog run by @skrelpson. As such, there's a major unreality warning for all of it! This blog runs off of mainly game/anime canon, with a sprinkle of headcanons throughout! Maybe I'll talk more about that later. idk!

Rules .｡.:*☆:

No NSFW! If you send any asks in that nature, you'll be blocked.

Magic Anons are off! They'll probably stay off, too. Just not comfy with that...yknow yknow

Pelipper Mail is on...ish! You can send things in, but please nothing like surprise gift Pokemon. Cass isn't equipped to deal with that right now! I will just ignore any mail that doesn't really jive with what's going on.

This is a low stakes blog! Cass might get into minor events, but for the most part it's just chill vibes in the tundra.

Speaking of, if you'd ever want to include me in some sort of RP (again, mainly low-stakes!), feel free to DM me! Just like specify what's going on. My writing RP skills are kinda rusty, but I can make it work! :]

Sapient Pokemon and the like can interact!

Basic DNI critera- Transphobes, racists, anti-seminists...etcetera...

In general, I'm not a very outgoing person. I gotta work up a lotta courage to try and talk to people! Especially people I don't know! And it might take me time to respond to a reblog, message, etc...it doesn't mean I don't want to interact! I'm just terrified of being online :p

Any ask game I reblog will be permanently open!!! Feel free to send in asks for any of them. Since that sounds a little daunting, here's a list of all the ones I've reblogged! Just PLEASE please please please include the question and not just the emoji...PLEASE

(I'll update this like...once every other month or something)

Find Out the Little Things!

Press A to Interact (This one doesn't really have a name? Ack sorry)

Roto Leak!

Pokéblr Ask Game

Curry Ingredient Ask Game

Assign a Pokémon Ability

Favorite Pokémon for Each Type

Sharing Story Aspects You're Excited For (I would label this one Pen(ny) for your thoughts if I wasn't a coward)

The ID was made using Pokecharm’s legacy Trainer Card Maker

The Picrew can be found here: [Link]

PREVIOUS ARCS (+Tags!)

The Lime Water Saga - a joke arc about Cass putting too many lime slices in her water bottle. Can be found under #lime water saga

Vocational Vacation - Cass tours Galar! She visits landmarks, takes pictures of ponies, and doesn't see the northern lights. Found under #vocational vacation arc

[lilyware]

I came with more random band oc lore bits as well as this little relationship chart which may or may not be legible since I did it all on my phone lmao...

the reason why kiyoko is so big on keeping happy memories of her and her friends (with photography) is because she has an older brother who is always in and out of the hospital due to illness. she has almost no memories with him that didn't involve a hospital.

she's not on bad terms with her parents but is at home as little as possible because the vibes are always just bad. she feels a bit neglected cause her parents always focus on her brother, and every conversation is about him even on the good days. she's always with shiori because of this

nana does most of the songwriting. kiyoko is good at putting feelings into words and michiko is good at writing/wordplay bc of her extensive reading, so the two collaborate on lyrics. shiori is pretty artistic due to her fashion design background so she does things like posters and promo material. mai has the most raw musical expertise out of the group

mai's pet bird (a cockatiel) is named rocky

michiko also has a pet cat (grey tabby) named haru

nana's parents want her to go into a respectable field but she obviously wants to stay in music. she's super intelligent but skips class and intentionally tanks her grades so people think she isn't, and she won't be able to go to a good university like her parents want.

michiko has a big sweet tooth and is a frequent customer at yamabuki bakery. she's probably close acquaintances with saya, she's probably one of (if not the) only one not from her band that michiko can relax around. fuck it michiko is a popipa fan now

mai and nana were always set on doing music in the future. shiori wants to study fashion design, kiyoko would probably do photography (but potentially go full time into music in the future). michiko wasn't sure what she was gonna do in the future but just wants to stay with her friends.

the real reason why nana pursued music so heavily was so she could stay with mai. when mai almost quits the band, nana admits to her in private that she would quit too (despite nana being the glue that holds everyone together) because doing music isn't worth it without mai.

shiori is a big manga reader which leads her to have a bit of a crazy imagination and unrealistic expectations lol. like when mai and nana have their heart-to-heart shiori just pictures a tearful love confession under the moonlight like a shoujo anime lmao

shiori tries to bond with michiko out of their shared love for reading with little luck as their reading material is extremely different (michiko is a long novel person). michiko is also the most extreme introvery and shiori is the most extreme extrovert lol, so michiko probably finds her very overwhelming

nana and mai are third years, kiyoko and shiori are second years, michiko is either first or second - haven't decided.

And my little relationship graph I spent too much time on... I transcribed it below in case you can't read it lol

Kiyoko's thoughts on:

Shiori (Shiori-chan): My home away from home

Michiko (Michiko-chan): So brave... proud of you

Mai (Mai-senpai): I want to be cool like you

Nana (Nana-senpai): Please teach me...!

Shiori's thoughts on:

Kiyoko (Kiyoko-chan): My best friend

Michiko (Michiko-chan): We totally have so much in common!! [They don't]

Mai (Nakashima-chan): Rude. Obnoxious.

Nana (Nana-chan): Like a big sister

Mai's thoughts on:

Kiyoko (Kiyoko-san): Respect [Kiyoko's] ambition

Shiori (Tsukiyama): Annoying. Obnoxious.

Michiko (Michiko-san): Secretly protective [of Michiko]

Nana (Nana): The only one who knows me

Michiko's thoughts on:

Kiyoko (Sano-san): My first friend...

Shiori (Tsukiyama-san): Too much energy...

Mai (Nakashima-san): Scary...

Nana (Takano-san): Everything I want to be

Nana's thoughts on:

Kiyoko (Kiyoko-san): Like a little sister

Shiori (Shiori-san): I wish I could be as free as you

Michiko (Michiko-san): Lots of potential

Mai (Mai-chan): The reason I do music

The general vibes I tried to give off with the names/honorifics (sorry if anything is either incorrect or cringe lol)

michiko is a little anxious ball so she is always overly respectful when referring to her friends

shiori is almost too casual and childish and refers to everyone with -chan. mai refused and said only nana can call her mai-chan, so she's called nakashima-chan instead.

mai is only close with nana so she only calls her by her name without honorifics. she just calls shiori by her last name cause she's not a fan of her lmao

nana calls everyone -san out of politeness and because she's kind of the mediator of the group. as the only one close enough to mai, she gets the -chan

kiyoko really looks up to her seniors and wants to learn everything she can from mai and nana to be the best musician she can be

[sorryimananti-romantic]

you coming out of your isolation cavern to read 🤝 me going to my isolation cavern after posting (we love our isocaverns don't we) BUT YES YOUR NAME! AHAHAHA no i needed that validation, tho i ended up making my villains milder than i had initially planned

AHAHAHA you should not have held back i would love to hear the feedback from bleach's perspective I USED SO MANY QUOTES HERE BRO but i'm sure you noticed most? of them hehe thank you for being so thoughtful tho <33

wc who i don't know her (it's 16kish im so sorry folks)

THAT MIDDLE PIC AAAAAAAA RIGHT i found it by chance but it's so fitting considering how all the cameras are pointing to him hehe

omg you're the second person to compare this to new world and this was unintentional but it ended up this way and now i see why too. he's a delulu prince in that fic, he's a delulu politician here. same same.

doing reblog reply same format as you so hongjoong:

PREP WHAT did i forget to mention that you're already PREPPED for him should i have to spell that out READER WAS PREPPED BEFORE THE EVENT EVEN BEGAN LOLLLLL (is prep short for prepared bc how come i never connected the dots)

omg the collective pronouns vs first person yes thank you for noticing i can always count on you to notice all the details (even those i haven't noticed myself LOL)

YES OMG we are manipulated and aware and trapped and in love and also wanting to be free we are ✨confused✨

AND YES MY FAV DETAIL from going to being the salvation of the common people, 'they will, for the sake of loyalty, put a blindfold over their eyes. they will hold him in high reverence as he becomes their lord, their saviour' TOOOO he is 'your lord, your saviour' WHO ARE WE ARE WE THE COMMON PPL

seonghwa:

what do you mean you had to google what jekyll was about DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO/WHAT JEKYLL AND HYDE IS (screams do you not get the concept) (<-i've been using tiktok too much)

with park seonghwa... you gotta be delusional to function man

HELP AHAHAHAHA PREYING WHY DID ANIMALS BY MAROON 5 STARTED PLAYING IN MY HEAD WHEN I READ THAT LINE

LMAO okay miss ma'am i see you're the obsessive kind hmm *takes note*

lmao yes the soul society was supposed to be an alternate term for their society name but i came up with nothing better (i was cbs) so soul society it is

THEY'VE TEASED EACH OTHER ENOUGH IT'S TIME TO GET 🤪 FREAKYY

bruh so real story: i made seonghwa an alter-ego serial killer first, right. but... it wasn't working for me, bc for that to be impactful with someone like seonghwa, i felt like the reader had to be the victim or be morally white at first. but then it would become a story about seonghwa morally corrupting the reader (i think i should make that a separate fic) anddd then i decided seonghwa is a saint in all universes and must not get his hands directly dirty LOL idk i failed to write him as a true villain he's so morally white coded that all i could get to was morally grey seonghwa yfeel

yunho

AHAHAHA yes hunter yunho with that moodboard HITS (also another real story i planned to make him a stalker/serial killer but then i was like there's so much stalker stuff out there and then i spent some good time thinking what other villains he can make. cult leader- again, a lot of fics about it. so serial killer it is. again. basically guerrilla LOL)

can there be one yunho fic without a mention of his hand in my blog? if that happens, that's not me. that's an impostor.

how would girlie know he kills for fun when it's THE JEONG YUNHO come on chron we know we all would fold instantly

i'll fix him :D (i want him to fix me-)

YES AHAHAHAHA THOSE QUOTES are some of my fav from bleach and yes about your analysis that's not what i intended but if it comes off like that to the reader, that's a bonus for me bro (i actually wrote all of this fic head empty no thoughts so surprisingly the details you've caught in this, 90 percent happened on their own)

yeosang

oooo not even bones sounds interesting but yeah medical malpractice and stuff like this happens a lot in real life unfortunately :/

lmao the imagery right ahhahahaha 😭😭 just tired but can't-wait-to-see-the-loml yeosang coming for his daily kiss before he gets back to work LOL

THE GUTS WAS UNINTENTIONAL TOO SEE NOTHING SO FAR HAS BEEN INTENTIONAL BUT THANK YOU FOR ANALYSING THIS FIC LIKE A LITERATURE STUDENT LOVE YOU

RIGHT that bleach quote when i tell you i've been ITCHING to use it somewhere since i first came across it and only to end up using here is kinda diabolical djfghdfkgh

yeosang and chicken are besties again if i don't mention chicken in a yeosang fic? impostor

san

WAREHOUSE MENTION HEHEHE

yess also one of my fav quotes hehe and omg that quote hits too i'm gonna save it for sth in the future (also literally who do i need to sell my soul to to come up with the juiciest dialogues like tite kubo does)

yeah so san was the 3rd or 4th member i wrote (yeosang first and seonghwa second and maybe yunho after) and by that time i had already lost the plot (of how villains was not supposed to be cute fluff like THIS) but i'm happy with how this turned out anyway :')

yepp i'm gonna try doing the judge, jury and executioner trio fr in some fic in the future (says i who is taking a break from writing LOL it's never a break with me)

mingi

youth mv mingi >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

yep very domestic now this was intentional AHAHAHA thank you for commenting on it <3

RISKING IT ALL FOR A TIP LIKE A TRUE KDRAMA LEAD okay but when i write and i need to think about plot twists or whatever i usually think of my fic like a kdrama too and play it in my head so yes you can see the influence here

ahaha i'm glad i got mingi's characterisation good bc honestly for me he's been the hardest to write (bc he's literally me i'm literally mingi minus the being scared and jumpy part we're literally the same ppl)

omgg yes now that comparison you made thank you that put a smile on my face (says i who's been giggling the entire time i read your reblog)

EXCUSE ME WDYM YOU (H)ATE HIM DFGHDKJFGH IM CALLING THE COPS

real tho. mingi's was my fav to write too which is why i'm hoping i can make a full fic out of this and have exactly this painting scene somewhere :'))

wooyoung

wooyo MADE for e2l fics ngl

lmao your wooyo feedback is so funny WDYM GET IN LINE FDJGHKDFG

no but the clash between their jobs/morals and then their attraction. doomed lovers. oh, how i love doomed lovers :')

jongho

RIGHT my fav reader character was the jongho one we love a powerboss girly slay pop who's got crazy comebacks huehuehe

but yes the vulnerability in between this game they're playing. ahhh. they need to sit down and have a drink and really, really talk about why they are the way they are

AND YES i loved this lil moment where jongho tells reader to stand up straight like?? we love a man who recognises a woman's worth. the only time he'd want the reader to not stand up straight and maybe bend and maybe maybe be on her knees is when she finally submits to him iykwim-

BUT YES he remains a (loveable) little shit

YOU WILL NEVER OWN ME says she when in reality we all know that's not happening we fold way too easily-

Ateez as Villains

disclaimer: read at your own risk. do not interact if not comfortable with any tropes. reminder that this is a work of fiction and must be treated so. 

warnings: absolutely no morals here, 18+ mdni, illegal acts (abduction, murder, physical abuse, stalking, trafficking, financial crimes, dirty politics, corruption), suggestive/nsfw scenes, explicit language (swearing, insults), death, violence, blood & injuries, weapons, smoking, drugs, alcohol

a/n: couldn't have done this without @eightmakesonebraincell's and @chronicvagabonds' validation lmao also tribute to tite kubo for coming up with the juiciest dialogues, some of which i quoted here

Hongjoong

The Manipulator

hongjoong always knew he had leadership skills

from being the team leader whenever he played games as a young child, to growing up and eventually influencing people

he was often told that he has a certain way of pulling people’s attention and leave something stirring inside them with his words

so it is no surprise that hongjoong is where he is today. a renowned businessman, philanthropist and… politician

hongjoong adjusts the sleeves of his shirt and glances at you from the mirror

you are standing behind him, holding his coat for him. he wears it with a proud smile and holds his chin high

“tonight is very important. for me. for this country.” 

he goes on about how there will be people from all over the country

people who are the foundation of this nation. people who care about the future of this world 

and if you weren’t so blinded by the adoration you have for this man you would have called him delusional

but the fact is that you are deluded by him. hongjoong has the ability to cast a spell with his words

he feeds his supporters the lie of a better world in the near future, and they bow to him

hongjoong smiles devilishly at the thought of what entails the events of tonight

he can picture it clearly- the cheers and desperate screams of his followers as he steps on the podium

the cries of these people, as helpless as sheeps in a herd, waiting for an upright politician to save this nation 

he can feel the thrill just imagining what it will be like tonight when he addresses the nation as the new face of his political party

to a common person, he would just be another man with a good heart striving for a better change

but the common person is weak, and for them… he is their salvation

they will hear his words tonight- words he has carefully crafted himself. the cues will register in their minds, and they will end up seeking him to announce their undying support and loyalty, to shower in his glory

you straighten hongjoong’s coat and smooth over his shirt, your hands unsteady with anticipation

“aren’t you happy to be right next to me when i conquer the stage tonight?” he whispers, lifting your chin up

you meet his eyes and he can see his answer there

you hope he doesn’t see the conflict in your eyes. the conflict is to be concealed in your heart, in the deepest, untouchable corner of it

you are blessed, they tell you, to be the politician’s favoured

and you are- you truly are. hongjoong loves you. he adores you

in fact… he’s almost obsessed with you

and why wouldn’t he be? you were the one who led him here

you were the one who held his hand and showed him the right path- his partner, and now his secretary

oh, how you sometimes wish you could turn back the hands of the clock and go back to when hongjoong was hopeless and thought that the world was a wretched place beyond saving

that is when you told him that the only way to run this world was to join hands with the elites of this nation- or to become one

it must be the fates that led him to where he is today

after all, isn’t he a king without a crown? a ruler without a throne?

he is a born leader and a strategist. he has always been good with his words

it’s how he earned the favour and graces of the elites and the politicians and made a place for himself- not under them, but beside them

but to stand beside those people, you have to be a little… corrupt. and morally ambiguous

the world is not run by saints, after all

“sweetheart?” he calls when he sees you are distracted

you don’t miss the warning tone in his voice. tonight, you have to be on your toes

you have to seek out willing supporters and show them that they mean the world to hongjoong and his political party

but more importantly… you need to target other politicians, find their weaknesses and if lucky, have some join hands with you

“i’m here,” you tell him and he nods firmly, pressing a kiss to your temple

“i will see you tonight,” he promises, and you know what he means

he always gets such a thrill out of playing the leader

he gets so much energy, and he has to take it out one way or another

and what better way to take it out in the form of lovemaking?

you feel warmth course through your body as he trails his finger down the middle of your chest purposely

he almost smiles maniacally as he leaves first, giving you a moment to gather your wits

you pour yourself a glass of drink- you can’t possibly do this sober

you join hongjoong as he gives his first speech- a very normal talk about how this nation is on the verge of collapse

corruption, crime, inhumanity, dirty politics? you name it

you admire his resilience, really. whatever he is talking about comes straight from his heart, and he has been talking about these issues for a long time now

you also admire his pompousness and the audacity to talk about dirty politics, when he is the face of dirty politics

you join the audience when they clap for him, your heart full of pride

there is a break where he meets with the high-profile people and asks them to consider joining hands with him

‘to make a better world for the future generations’. such inspiring words from such a young political leader

except hongjoong’s trick is that he always, always has something over them

he has a team dedicated specifically for this task- to dig dirt on his political targets so he can wield them like the blade of a guillotine over their heads

despite his evil means to climb the top, somehow, his image and reputation remains far too clean

and that is because he knows to take these actions behind the scenes, away from any eyes

a true politician, he’s been dubbed

it is about midnight when the hall almost empties, leaving only the members of your party and some new faces- people who are willing to hear him out and decide if they want to join his party

you wish you could tell them that it is a trap- hongjoong will promise that their efforts and support will lead them to something great

‘the greater good’, he always says, except these people do not know what they are getting into

they are merely sacrificial lambs, the stepping stones that will lead hongjoong closer to his utopia

they will, for the sake of loyalty, put a blindfold over their eyes. they will hold him in high reverence as he becomes their lord, their saviour

he will feed them copper pellets and claim that this is the best that they can get while he himself sits on a throne made of gold

and when they empty every last drop of whatever they have to offer- their blood, sweat and tears

hongjoong will discard them without remorse. that is who he is- a master manipulator

when you are done wrapping up the event in the deep, dark hours of the night, hongjoong finds you in your bedroom

his chest is heaving with energy that is threatening to combust from within him

he outstretches his hand and you saunter over to him

his hands are dominating when he holds you, though his kiss is soft and unrushed

until that too becomes scalding hot

he is quick to lead you to the couch where you sit on his lap, finding him painfully hard

he groans loudly and starts to unbuckle his pants, and you instantly know what he wants- you always know what he wants

he easily slides his hard length inside your warmth and groans heavily in relief, resting his head back and just letting you both stay still

you only move to rest your head against his shoulder. he can have you like this for as long as he wants

“we have a lot of new supporters tonight,” he begins, chuckling deeply, “the polls seem to be in our favour too.”

his dark curls caress your face as you snuggle against him

“we also managed to score deals with many influential politicians and businessmen tonight,” he tells you and you look at him with pride as he names them

“soon,” he begins, trailing his hands under your dress and squeezing your thighs, “soon… we will have our people in every sector- in business, healthcare, industrial, courts… we will be controlling the nation- we… we are the leaders of this nation.”

his cock twitches inside you as he finishes that sentence and you bite your lips in thought

“what are you thinking, love?” he asks, caressing your face

“i just sometimes wonder,” you begin- can you admit your bare thoughts to him?

he squeezes your thigh as a sign to go ahead

“i wonder how we got here, joong,” you admit, “you know that we are exploiting people-”

“for the greater good-”

“for the greater good, yes,” you finish, nodding and he furrows his brows in concentration

“these people are just like us. we were once slaves of this society, but now we are the leaders. and they are our slaves. but…”

“they will offer us what they have,” hongjoong replies softly, “and we will make the best out of it. isn’t that right?”

you nod. there is no more space for any more questioning

you have never like the darkness in his eyes when you question his- your- methods

all he knows is that he is right

he knows what he is doing is wrong in essence, but it is about the bigger picture- he is doing this for his nation

and you cannot expect to run a nation claiming to be a saint

the nation is run by wolves, and to make space there, you must be some sort of a predator. that is who he has become

his grip on your thighs tighten and he starts to grind your body on him

between the sounds of pleasure is the groan of pain as he spanks your thighs and remind you of your place

“all you have to do is follow me,” he breathes into your ear, trailing his lips across your cheek. “all you have to do is stay with me. together…” he thrusts hard inside you. “together, we will rule the world one day, you and i.”

you nod and he swallows your moans as he kisses you, thrusting with all his might until you both come crashing down

he takes you to the shower and you both quickly clean up and get in bed

as you watch his figure relax and succumb to sleep, you confess to him

“you are a great politician, hongjoong,” you tell him and the corners of his lips curl in a smile. “i’m just afraid of going too far with you. every day, we learn that we can get worse than we are, yet…”

“yet, it has become my addiction and my duty,” he whispers, hand finding your bare arm and caressing it. “don’t you want to rule the world?”

“you will rule the world. i will be treading on your shadow, following you closely and sharpening my teeth… but afraid.”

“afraid of what?”

“of you,” you breathe and he opens one eye

“you won’t leave me, will you?” he asks innocently, yet it is there- the warning in his tone

you are responsible for who he is today. you are an accomplice

every person he ruins to get closer to the top, you are equally responsible for it

“of course not,” you tell him, “i can’t leave you.”

hongjoong notices your choice of words

you can not leave him- you do not have a choice

he holds you close and kisses you like he means it that night

it would be such a shame if he would have to throw you away after all of this, right? 

it would truly be such a shame if you are just like the others in the end- weak and helpless

since you know exactly what is going on inside hongjoong’s head, you tell him you love him like you really mean it and you let him hold you close

it may be a trap, but you don’t mind being trapped if this is where you end up every night- in his arms

your lord, your saviour

The Manipulator and the Manipulated

Seonghwa

Jekyll

park seonghwa is a man who is adored wherever he goes

be it at work- at a prestigious university as a neuroscience professor, dr. park, or at social gatherings, formal or informal

he is a man born with the best manners, the most caring and generous heart

you’ve seen him around the department as a masters student and attended a few of his classes 

but you never got to interact with him personally until it’s time to choose a thesis supervisor and you learn that you have a chance with him

it’s purely because he’s amazing at what he does 

your subfield matches with his specialty so it will be better if he’s your supervisor (and it’s only a bonus that the man is painfully hot so you’ll never be bored)

your professor recommends you to seonghwa and he goes over your synopsis which leaves him intrigued because coincidentally, he’s researching in molecular neuroscience as well

he gladly takes you on because he believes you both will be helping each other along the way

plus, he recognises your name- you’ve always had a different air about you (and he remembers you from somewhere else too)

he’s looking forward to working with you, that’s all

so when you arrive on your first day as his supervisee and research assistant

you catch him in his natural habitat- unaware of his surroundings, humming a tune to himself and swiping his hair hurriedly to the side with the hand that’s holding a clear solution of some sort while struggling not to drop his notes on the table that has a few microscope slides 

basically, moments away from a disaster

he spots you and grunts as if asking for help and you immediately drop your bag to rush towards him, only now noticing that somehow, he’s holding his glasses by his teeth

you first take those out of his mouth and he groans in relief. “can you please help me wear my glasses? those cultures are moments away from expiring.”

“oh goodness,” you mutter and you lock eyes with him as you put on his glasses for him

and your intrusive thoughts take over because you simply cannot take how his hair is poking his eyes so you gently brush his hair out of his eyes

for a moment, time is frozen for all sorts of reasons

before seonghwa takes a deep breath and you blink, immediately getting out of his way and holding his notes for him

the notes apparently hold the readings on how much solution he needs to pour so you read it for him and consequently save him from a disaster

as soon as he is done freezing the cultures, he holds the edge of the table to save himself from slumping in relief

and you share a laugh, the ice breaking just like that

he tells you that the student assigned for taking care of the cultures had an emergency and he had to rush from another department

and he thanks you for helping him

you both move to his office to go over your thesis and he helps you create a timeline

you wrap up the meeting with a clear direction of what’s next and with a schedule of shifts where you will be assisting him

it doesn’t take long to get used to being a part of his team of five calm students with a little streak of crazy

and you suppose dr. park has an eye for people like that because you fit right in

you are all very dedicated so he seems to be at ease when you are working, though he does monitor you more closely since you’re new

you start to spend more time in the lab simply because you like how it feels there

it is like a little cocoon where you can tune out the rest of the world and work on your thesis without distractions (plus, it helps how people from your team pop in once in a while to throw some suggestions at you)

you like how it is there- neat and clean

the sound of metal against metal, glass against glass. the smell of the cleaning agent which calms you since it is something familiar now

and then there’s dr. park himself, gentle and composed, yet at times clumsy and rough which results in the room cackling with laughter

however, there’s a side to him that you only see when you’re alone with him

you’re not sure if he’s like that with everyone- he must be, right?

does he pay as much attention to everyone else as you?

perhaps, you’re delusional. that must be it

seonghwa knows you must think that, because he has not been very obvious but he has not been subtle either

it’s just that he remembers you from that time. he remembers seeing your face in his friend wooyoung’s data

wooyoung, who is an expert at singling out people like them

people like seonghwa who have a little streak of crazy in them, yet manage to be a part of the society almost seamlessly

wooyoung’s company does a good job at managing these people because they ultimately help the black market grow

seonghwa is half convinced wooyoung’s company is just a faction of the government but of course he can’t confirm that

all he knows is that he cannot act out too much and get caught

in return, he knows when someone like him is in his radar

here you are, glasses perched on the tip of your nose as you examine different slides under the microscope, muttering to yourself about the readings as your scribble them

he can’t help but notice how you always wear that one specific shade of deep red on your lips or how your hair falls in the most irresistible way in front of your face

he’s never looked at a student this way- ever- but you’re not just a student now, are you?

so when he makes his move, approaching you from behind as silently as he can

he’s not disappointed when you turn- he didn’t make a sound, yet you knew

you’re not even surprised, and that excites seonghwa to no end

“ah, dr. park,” you go casually, as if him sneaking behind you was normal behaviour. “can you approve of these hypotheses?”

seonghwa hums and stands awfully close to you, your sides brushing against each other

he purposely crowds in your personal space as he leans in to confirm the readings of the specimens on the table

“everything’s perfect,” he announces, meeting your eyes

you’re still sitting so you have to look up at him and lord. what a sight he is even from this angle. you could totally get used to it-

“what are you looking at, sweetheart?” seonghwa smirks knowingly 

you have to physically struggle to maintain your composure because you are pretty sure you were gawking

“nothing, just zoned out,” you say, which isn’t a lie but not the whole truth either

he knows though. he knows the effect he has on you because he hasn’t been subtle

from the casual touches to the unnecessary (but not undeserved) praise

from the prolonged eye contact to the suggestive smirks

there is something electric between the two of you, an undeniable tension

and while you’re not one who sticks to the rules, you can’t help but wonder just why is dr. park playing with you?

“you sure you’re okay?” seonghwa leans in and searches your eyes for any signs of lies

upon finding none but gaining satisfaction from the way your lips part in surprise, he draws back 

you try your best not to make things awkward for the rest of the time you’re with him

and in the following days, his advances only start becoming stronger in nature

you like the attention he gives you. you like how he always puts his hands on your shoulders and gives them a little squeeze whenever he finds you sitting

you like the way his warm breath caresses your cheek when you’re both sitting side by side inspecting a specimen

you enjoy the sound of his gentle voice as he instructs you

it’s almost as if he knows. it’s almost as if he’s asking for it

does he not know that once you become obsessed with something, you’ll try- no, you will possess it at all costs?

so one night when you’re both working at late hours, busy with wrapping up one section of your thesis

you can’t take it when seonghwa scolds you teasingly for being clumsy 

“you’ve got pen on your chin,” he says and before you can take care of it, he himself scoots closer-

too close for it to be professional anymore because at this point, he can probably count the freckles on your face too-

and begins to rub at your the skin near your lips gently

he frowns when it doesn’t come off, and then he has the audacity to lick his thumb and rub your skin again

“dr. park,” you mutter, about to remind him how you are supposed to be a teacher and student

you’re not friends (despite the very friendly relationship you have developed with him)

seonghwa only hums and you can’t help but notice how he stifles a smirk as he moves his thumb to your lower lip and swipes it, all the while maintaining eye contact

you raise a brow in challenge, silently questioning why he’s still holding your chin

he leans in as if to kiss you and you stop breathing

except he tilts his head to whisper in your ear

“would you like to attend the next soul society meeting with me, love?”

to say that you freeze is an understatement

you don’t move when his lips caress your cheeks as he stays in that position

you don’t move when he purposely trails his lips along your cheek as he draws back

“what’s your classification?” you manage to ask, your voice barely a whisper

the way seonghwa smirks is something you’ll never forget

“jekyll,” he says. “nice to meet you, hyde.”

there’s a moment of silence where all you can do is stare at the man in front of you

a moment of pure static

as soon as you take off your mask and your lips curl in a smirk, it happens

you don’t know who took the first step but you’re both kissing each other

it’s rushed, passionate and desperate, the air filling with your grins and giggles and you’re only glad you’re not in the lab right now because the way seonghwa clears the table with a swipe of his hand, making the notes fall on the ground

only to lift you up and seat you there so he can kiss you better? being in the lab would have done some damage alright

between kisses, you learn how seonghwa recognised you

you ask him if he lured you here somehow, but he tells you it’s just luck that you’re here as his student right now. you don’t quite believe him though

but you let it be- if he’s jekyll, that means he’s got the brains to scheme

he tells you that he’s glad to have found his hyde because he would prefer someone else to do his dirty work for him

you agree- it’s been far too long since you’ve had an adventure, and you’ve heard about the notorious jekyll in the soul society too. you just never connected the dots

he takes you to his private lab (not before feasting on you and fucking you on that very table)

for the next few weeks, you familiarise yourself with his actual research

mind altering chemicals and drugs, anything to do with control

very illegal stuff, but the soul society funds him with whatever he needs

he can’t believe he found you- you’re perfect for him

seonghwa believes he has morals and he can be a good person

so you make the perfect partner because you can be the bad person in his stead

you’re his alter ego, the voice in his head that he never lets come out

you’re the person who not only matches his freak but helps bring it into manifestation. you are now his face

while he advances in molecular neuroscience in the world, you advance, on his behalf, in the underworld

there’s no blood on your hands- you both only produce drugs. you’re not responsible for what is done with them

you do sometimes assist in the practical work, which seonghwa avoids, because after all, he has a reputation to maintain as dr. park

no one suspects a thing. you’re just supervisor and supervisee who share a similar obsession with research

nothing to worry about

Jekyll and Hyde

Yunho

The Hunter

when you finally got to a blind date that your friend begged you to go to, you didn’t expect to meet a man who would actually catch your eye

there is something about this man, jeong yunho, that instantly pulls you in as if you really are tied by a thread 

for starters, he is incredibly handsome and has a soft vibe to him that exudes warmth

his voice has a soothing quality and his mannerisms are as gentle as his gaze. his laugh is pure and he makes quite a good company

he just makes you feel comfortable and safe right away, which is kind of surprising

so when yunho tells you about himself, confirming that he is indeed a corporate lawyer at a well-known firm, you are simply in awe

you thought your friend was bluffing when she told you that she is trying to set you up with a ‘beauty with brains’

she was not lying, is all you can think now

you’re a simple school teacher, you tell yunho with a laugh

however, the man’s eyes are practically twinkling as he hears your stories about school 

you’re only telling him because he insisted, and now he can’t stop appreciating your profession, saying that it’s admirable how you are able to connect with children and educate them

the conversation steers to your likes and dislikes, your preferences, and what you’re looking for in a partner

surprisingly, the two of you have a lot in common

you both have a special place in your heart for food. you both love travelling. and there are some things he does not need to say out loud 

like how he’s a caring person- always making sure you’re comfortable and your bowl is full, draping his coat over your shoulders when you leave the restaurant and scour the streets for something sweet

the hand that he offers you is not suggestive and you like that (you also like how tall he is and how his hand engulfs yours almost entirely)

just two people who talk about anything and everything- that’s who you become by the end of the night

as you settle in bed later, you’re still smiling about how his eyes twinkled when he learned that you too have a thing for gaming too

you have good feelings about this person so far but there’s a feeling scratching at your heart that has you restless

it is the way his eyes darkened almost dangerously, only momentarily, when you insisted that you could get home on your own

he was a gentleman, no doubt about it, insisting that you could never be too sure these days especially with the news being so horrible lately, the crime rate spiking up dramatically in the past few months

you just did not like the idea of having a stranger accompany you all the way to your home, even if it was this gentleman- this was only your first meeting

so he made you promise to call him and let him know when you get home 

and here you are. you dated him for a few months before you both decided to move in together into an apartment that suited your needs

he’s perfect in every way- attentive, responsive, caring, funny, and he gives you space when you need it

which matters the most because you value your personal space a lot

he understands the importance of personal space very well and even though you share a room, you both let each other be 

you let him be when he’s gaming, and he lets you be when you’re staring at the ceiling or reading

more often though, he’ll have you sit on his lap as he games

since he’s so much bigger than you, you’ll curl on top of him to read or scroll and he’ll be focused on his game, liking your presence

it doesn’t always lead to something but when it does, it’s always fun

he has you smitten- his kisses still make you feel like it’s your first time sharing a kiss (and he’s damn good at it)

his touch lingers on your skin throughout the day and you cannot wait to be back in his arms again

it is just another night when you decide to walk and take the longer route back home because apparently yunho was going to be late and you did not want to be home alone

it gets quieter as you navigate through the streets and alleys

and when you take a turn and notice a familiar figure, you stop in your tracks

is that… not yunho? the back and the height looks pretty much the same

the man is watching a woman at the end of the street who is using her phone as if waiting for someone

the woman catches the man watching her and grows wary- you can tell even from the distance

you can tell that she is very much pretending to be on call when she starts moving

despite every cell in your body urging you to ignore this and go back home, you start to follow the man when he starts to follow the woman

you are careful to maintain a distance, cursing yourself internally for being a curious little shit who seeks thrill like there’s no tomorrow

but the woman takes a left, and the man takes a right, leaving you standing in the middle of the street, taking a few deep breaths

nothing happened, you think. you turn and start to trace your path back

and just a minute later, there’s an unmistakable sound of a woman’s scream filling the air

every hair on your body rises as your heart drops and eyes widen

you’re frozen in one spot with no idea what to do next- should you go check on the woman? see if it was the same person? 

not once do you think of calling the police though

you walk back home, lost in your thoughts with the image of the man’s familiar figure branded in your mind especially since you are pretty damn sure that those were little sunflowers embroidered on the hem of the hoodie

sunflowers that you embroidered on yunho’s hoodie

when you open the door to your apartment, though, you hear the sound of the TV and yunho is sitting very casually on the couch

“ah, you’re home,” he grins and waves, just like he usually does

he’s not wearing the hoodie anymore

“i thought you were gonna be late?” you ask

“you’re late,” he counters. “why did it take you so long to get home?”

“just decided to take a walk,” you smile, ruffling his hair and planting a kiss on the top of his head before going to your room 

you grab your clothes and move towards the bathroom to take a shower, and it is then that yunho’s eyes widen

“ah, babe?” he calls, his voice uncharacteristically high

when you don’t answer, he rushes towards the bathroom and finds you standing in the doorway

your eyes are fixed on the sink which is a pale shade of pink with handprints on it

yunho curses himself internally- he rushed to hide his hoodie as soon as he got home, jumped in the shower, spotted the bloody sink from when he first washed his hands and decided to make it look like he had been home for a while before cleaning the sink

only he fucking forgot

it doesn’t look as bad- it’s not a bloody red, for starters

“ah, i forgot to clean that up,” yunho awkwardly laughs, proceeding to move inside and open the tap, taking a sponge and cleaning the edges of the sink

yeah. it does not look that bad

“i accidentally spilled that red ink you have in the room- i don’t know why i got curious and messed with it.”

that’s not the colour of your ink, though, and you know it never leaves stains like these

“don’t worry about it,” you tell him, but your eyes are wider than usual. yunho notices that

he lets you shower in peace, all the while thinking if you suspect something

truth be told, he saw you when you were following him back there which is why he took another turn to mislead you

he also knows you are far too observant for your own good

he can’t lie- one of the reasons he fell for you is because of that. you are just like him

though you are free of sin unlike him, your mind is a mess

you notice too much that is not meant to be noticed. you sometimes say things that even he has not thought about. you question if human morals are an actual thing or a made up construct

is it from reading too much fiction? he thinks not

when you come out of the shower, something possesses you to move to the balcony

and that’s another thing yunho likes about you (which also scares him a little at times)

it is your intuition- which leads you to inspect the little corner where you pile up useless stuff. you can see the sleeve of his hoodie there

you pick it up and find it wet in certain spots

on its black base, you can’t tell what it is, but the sunflowers are stained a suspicious red colour, and it’s definitely not your ink 

you look towards your right where yunho is standing, vigilant

there is a moment of silence before you lower the hoodie 

“it really was you,” you say, unwavering

your heart is not speeding because you’re scared- it is speeding because you are right

yunho is still, contemplating how to deal with this

did he think he could hide his secret from you forever? no. was he prepared in case he gets caught? no

he just never imagined it would unfold like this

and now… will he have to hurt you if you threaten to expose him? he can’t bear to hurt a hair on your head

you bring out all the good in him. he does not know how you do that, but you make him believe that he can love with all of his heart too, just like any other person

you make him feel whole, and it would be such a shame if things fall apart now

to his surprise, you drop the hoodie back and walk towards him until there’s little distance between the two of you

you hold both of his hands in yours and look at him earnestly

“are you going to tell me what you have been up to?”

yunho is surprised at how calm your voice is and how accepting your eyes are

he sighs deeply before steering you to the couch in the living room

and then he bares his heart to you

he is a monster. that is it. he hurts people and it satisfies this ugly part of him

he does not always want to, he justifies, but sometimes, he just can’t help it

and the only reason he gets away with it is because he is not stupid and carefully chooses his victims- people who are miserable. people who have no one around them

“well then… i’m lucky to have one person in my life, right?”

yunho’s eyes widens at your response

you fulfil the criteria of being his victim- you have no one 

you have no one but him- how did that happen?

he thinks back to your first date and he can’t help but feel overwhelmed

he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his head about to explode 

why are you not running away from him? why are you caressing his head and holding him close?

you don’t tell him everything right away. you only ask him to trust you

so he trusts you and waits for you

he learns little bits about you- you, who do not care who yunho is, as long as he is transparent with you

you, who has a twisted sense of morality. you, who might be as bad as yunho, even worse

though, your hands are clean, you tell him sarcastically, it’s just your head that is a mess

and it’s a blessing that you two are together and can be honest about this too, right? how lucky you are to have each other

“you, without sin, are like the sun,” he tells you one night as he kisses the top of your head and holds you close

“you, even with sin, are like the sun,” you respond.

The Hunter and His Guide

Yeosang

The Mad Scientist

there is something about the innocent features of his face, the gentleness in his mannerism, the absolute ethereal aura about him

that contrasts strikingly with the pitch black (or maybe, just two shades lighter) of his soul

the man only knows how to scheme and how to take the best possible route towards his goals

the goals are all related to science

sure, he is contributing to the scientific area, doing researches no one else would do

doctor kang yeosang- a scientist and philosopher, held in high reverence in the medical field, contributing with numerous researches centering the human body

nobody needs to know exactly how he gets such extensive, solid results to support his theories

he comes off as a soft-spoken man, someone who possesses a kind heart

he is willing to overwork himself in order to make life easier for others

he is much appreciated by his peers

they don’t need to know that behind his neat and professional setup is a dark, cold space that holds his real workspace

the endless corridors lined with shelves upon shelves of jars 

jars containing the human body parts within them

from the brain to the spleen, from the heart to the liver

each jar meticulously lined in an organisation such that only yeosang could close his eyes and know where to pick what he needs

each organ in the jar has a story of the human that it once was- the story that yeosang himself scribes and tucks in the safe (and in a corner of his heart)

taking it out only to read and reminiscence, or to make another addition

such as the one that he is about to make now, sauntering with an almost skipping manner, highlighting his delight in the events about to unfold

his pristine white lab coat flows behind him, a symbol of everything that he would not be doing tonight, which only adds to the irony of it all

he finds you mirroring his expressions, eyes wide with anticipation and lips curled in a stifled smile

and he can’t help but smile wider, the sound of his footsteps echoing loudly as he speeds towards you so that he can finally hold you after the long day he had, tired of playing it cool in front of everyone

you are snaking your arms around his neck immediately as he bends down to capture your lips in a fierce kiss, earning a surprised but pleased yelp from you

you let him have his moment, kissing him back with equal passion until he draws away and rests his forehead against your shoulder

“long day, huh?” you press your lips against his temple. “how did the presentation go?”

the presentation being at a conference of the national medical association where yeosang was the chief guest, awarded for his valuable insights to the medical world

“i sometimes wonder if i’m the only one wearing a mask,” yeosang confesses.

you know what he means

there surely must be others just like him

you can’t expect to make medical advancements while sticking to the stupid laws and regulations they have carved for you

the medical associations do not allow anyone freedom 

“it’s tiring to pretend my research was simply a result of my team’s hard work,” yeosang continue, “they didn’t do batshit. i wish i could credit you instead.”

“but you can’t,” you caress his dark locks. “that would certainly raise suspicion since i’m… underqualified.”

well, that’s arguable 

you may not be as good as yeosang at what you do but considering that you come from a non-medical background, yeosang would say that you are pretty close

in fact, overqualified

“i don’t think there’s anyone more qualified than you,” yeosang lifts his head to look up at you, eyes scanning your face. “you’re an expert of the human body.”

you are an expert, that is true

you did what you had to do to survive as a young girl who lost her way

you were meant to be a test subject yourself but you created your own path and proved that you were good with your hands- almost artistic

and that you could open up humans as long as you had a good knife

your skills were a bit rusty when yeosang found you in the black market

but he was thoroughly impressed and made an offer. it was an offer that you couldn’t resist 

you would no longer be bound to be a slave for the rest of your life

you would be his equal. an accomplice 

“but you are the mad scientist. i’m just your unofficial assistant,” you pat his cheek in answer

it’s a wonder that you’re here now, in his arms

a muffled sound interrupts your little moment

you both steer towards the big room and yeosang looks around for a moment to take in the glory of his workplace

the crisp white walls and clean tiles smelling of antiseptic, marred with red stains of blood that is dripping from the man’s limbs

the man who is currently tied to a stretcher in the middle of the room

the instruments and tools that he would be using tonight to open his test subject up are glinting with silver, ready to be used

he has chosen the perfect target- a relatively healthy, middle-aged homeless man

really, no one would care if he went missing

in fact, you were doing him a favour by putting an end to his miserable life, right?

surely, he did not wish to live without a home and the means to survive

though here he was, sedated but struggling nonetheless, as if finally having found the will to live

“ah, he created a mess,” yeosang begins, clicking his tongue in disappointment as he inspects the bruises around the man’s wrists. “i’m sorry you had to wait so long, hmm?”

it’s almost eerie, how yeosang’s voice drips with pity

but that’s what you like about him

he thinks of the greater good. he is doing all of this for the greater good

there is no personal desire to kill random human beings, no

he simply needs test subjects to study the human body, so there can be advancements in the medical world

he just can’t believe that the world does not have a cure or even a prevention for most of the diseases in this age

he has taken it upon himself to contribute to the medical world so people do not have to suffer anymore

he complains about this a lot 

if people had guts, they would have done this ages ago

sometimes, he refers to the awful medical experiments done by humankind- especially on women

he is different from them, he claims

he cares about their pain- that is why he makes sure to make his subjects’ death quick and painless before he starts to conduct his experiments

it’s just too bad that he doesn’t have much time after the person passes to study certain functions of a living human

(so sometimes, he makes exceptions and asks god for forgiveness. easy peasy)

you watch yeosang with a sort of wonder and a little something that resembles fear as he caresses the man’s head in farewell

he asks the man to say his last words, to choose them carefully, to take his time and to make peace with the fact that there is no way out

the sedatives seem to have made the man somewhat placid

the test subject stops resisting to lock eyes with the doctor 

he says something about the regrets he’s had in his life and how he just wants his misery and pain to end now

yeosang’s brows are furrowed in concentration as he listens to each and every word, nodding along as if he aims to fulfil every desire this man possesses 

his hand is gently caressing the man’s head

when the man is done, yeosang tells him that his contribution to medical research won’t be forgotten

he looks at you to find you already staring at him with an unreadable expression

he signals you to get the job done and you inject the medicine meant to stop the man’s heart

you watch the man take his last breath, his face contorting in pain as his heart ceases to function

yeosang has already moved on from the little moment he had, putting on medical gloves and snapping them against his skin rather dramatically

“let’s get to work, shall we?”

you smile in response, following his instructions

soon, you are testing the functioning of the man’s abdominal organs with various equipment and drugs that yeosang has bought from the black market 

you have to work quickly before necrosis begins and hinders you

yeosang is very careful with his methods. his hands are steady as if he has done this a thousand times already 

and though he comes off as clumsy in the public eye, he is anything but here

his eyes are focused, darting between the electrodes placed on the man’s liver to the readings on the screen

it goes on like this for a while, yet another failed experiment as the liver fails to respond as desired to the electric shock and necrosis takes over

it doesn’t disappoint any of you though

yeosang has a strong vision and no amount of failed experiments is going to stop him 

plus, there’s always something you learn even from failure

you begin to clean up when you notice a broken nail lying on the stretcher

you pick it up with tweezers and inspect it- it must have broken when the man was struggling to break free

yeosang catches you looking at the discoloured nail with curiosity and he hums in question

“hair and fingernails are beautiful ornaments.” you ask, “so why do they seem so baleful when they are removed? 

yeosang stands beside you, pondering

“the answer is simple. they are previews of what is to come. of death.”

you look at him to find his eyes twinkling with the knowing glint of someone who’s seen it all

after you both finish recording the data of tonight’s session, yeosang is back to being the cute and clumsy person that you absolutely adore

the man is craving chicken after today’s hard work so you fulfil his wish and take him to his favourite place

you both sit across each other, drinking beer and savouring the juicy meat while talking about casual stuff- just an assistant and her boss

just two friends who met by chance and felt an instant pull towards each other

just two lovers, fated to be together and find solace in each other’s company

as if the stars have aligned for you yet again, a familiar face walks in and sits on the table next to you

you meet yeosang’s eyes and you both stifle a smile

it’s one of the potential test subjects you’ve had in your file, due for observation

and what better observation than to sit next to them in a casual setting and eavesdrop naturally?

yeosang raises his beer glass in toast and you share a knowing smile, raising your own glass in toast 

just two partners in crime. that’s who you are

The Mad Scientist and his Accomplice

San

Executioner

choi san works hard during the day

he goes to the school and makes sure his students are in top shape

as their p.e. teacher and coach, he has every student’s physical status on his fingertips

he knows their strengths and their weaknesses. he also knows their desires

so if a student is not a good runner but wants to run better, he would never tell them to give up, he would personally coach them and make sure they know that their body is not the limit

they can be a good runner, a good player, a good swimmer- anything

as long as they are steadfast, they can conquer the world

so choi san is loved and respected by the students, known to be a very caring teacher

but choi san works harder at night. no one needs to know that

certainly not his colleagues who always go about how hardworking a teacher he is

when he is free from the school, he goes to his home and changes before driving to his friend’s place- a warehouse where a few of you hang out

someone programmes, another composes, another works out

just an innocent hideout that you’re all using even in your early thirties

except that you also huddle around to read the new request you receive on your app

“i am a twenty-one year old female. two years ago, the man who dated my older sister killed her, but due to lack of evidence, he did not receive the jail time he deserves. he claims that he is innocent, but ever since he got out, he’s been bothering me because he had to serve his short sentence anyway. he is threatening to kill my family and then me if i go to the cops. i am scared to leave the house because he is stalking me and i can always see him wherever i go. please help me. i won’t go to the cops anyway- they didn’t do anything then, and they will not do anything now.”

san is contemplating if he should accept this request

you look at wooyoung who is immediately weighing the pros and the cons

you look back at san who is still deep in thought and you gently rest your hand on his thigh, bringing him out of his head

“i’ll take it,” he mutters. “accept the request, y/n.”

you nod and go back to the computer to accept the request

you have a phone call conversation with the client where you set up a meeting

it’s you and wooyoung who go to meet with the respective parties. san works in the shadows

the next night, san finds you deep in thought outside, leaning against the worn out wall of the warehouse

he joins you, hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans

“i know what you’re thinking,” san begins, glancing at you. “you’ve been awfully quiet since the meeting.”

you shrug in defeat. “i know i can’t change your mind.”

“it’s not going to be the same,” san refers back to the one time you all took a request from a 19 year old girl who was being bullied by her seniors

it got to a dangerous point and had you been a little late, you might have lost the girl

san lost his temper that time, though

and while he couldn’t physically harm the kids who were bullying the girl, he had them locked in a room for one night while he educated them

and funnily enough, san was scarier that night

scarier than every other time he actually wields a weapon

you asked him that night if there were any just people left in this world full of evil

“all people are evil. to believe that you are just, you must believe that someone else is more evil than you”

was his response. safe to say, the girl was living her best life now, but you saw a new side of san that night

a side you had never seen all your life, and that was saying something since you were childhood friends

“we won’t let it get to that point,” san assured, outstretching your hand and you pouted before taking it

he caressed your knuckles, his voice assertive. “i will take care of it. properly. i always do.”

“do you think i only worry about things going wrong?” you finally say out loud, the words that you want to say to him every time he goes out in the field 

san, despite himself, breaks into a smile that would seem so out of character to anyone who has not known him for long

“you can’t smile your way out of this,” you sulk further, snatching your hand away and folding your arms

“baby,” san begins, trying to take your hand again but you’re not having any of it

“i’m worried you’ll get hurt. i’m worried about the pain you’re willing to go through so you can lessen the pain of others.”

san stops teasing then, mimicking your position as he leans against the wall next to you

there is a thick silence surrounding you and you wonder what wooyoung is doing inside- is he napping?

“it’s something i have to do. something only i can do. you know that, right?”

“i know,” you say, almost a whisper. “and that’s what makes this more frustrating.”

because it was originally your idea

on a summer night when you were all about to graduate, a tragedy happened in your town

a man went on a spree, killing and wounding multiple women and children for weeks

you, who knew one of the victims personally, were shocked by the act and disgusted at how lazy the police were being

it turned out that the assailant was a high-profile businessman and the police were trying to cover the case up as per the orders of their superiors

the three of you were hanging out in the warehouse, each burdened by their own train of thoughts, until you finally said it out loud

“what if we were some sort of a private service where we help the victims? especially when the police can’t?”

it was wooyoung who agreed first, and san who disagreed

it took him some convincing to finally agree, and you set rules

you were not going to kill anyone- only maim

if it’s a serial killer, you maim their hands so they can never hold a weapon again

if it’s a bully, you maim their mouth so they think before they speak

the three of you are a team, but san is the executioner

wooyoung is his eyes and feet, and you are the brains

so it is ironic how worried you are about san now, when you gave him this role

“i know that i can get hurt,” san begins, taking a deep breath. “but there is no pain as long as i keep my eyes on the balance scale.”

this time, when he outstretches his hand, you take it. he plants a sweet kiss on your knuckles

“don’t worry about me, hmm?” he tugs you closer so you can rest your head against his firm chest as he embraces you. “i can’t focus when you’re so worried.”

“i can’t help it,” you tell him. “you’ll just have to get used to it.”

san lifts your face with his thumb below your chin, his brows furrowed with concentration and worry as he looks at you

his eyes are sharp as he scans you so you smile

immediately, his body relaxes and the corners of his lips curl in a smile as he pecks your lips- once, twice

and it is about to turn into a deeper kiss when wooyoung claps loudly to get your attention

“alright, lovebirds. get inside. we have a heads-up.”

you scowl at wooyoung who smirks in response but you both immediately join the youngest inside

your client has texted to let you know that she’s about to go out so you can stalk her stalker

you and wooyoung take your equipment to the van and san prepares himself 

he’ll be observing tonight, but he is prepared in case the stalker catches on

just like that, you observe the stalker for a few days, assuring your client that she is safe

you plan a trap to lure the stalker to an abandoned area where san will have a little chat with the stalker 

and when the day comes, all your client has to do is threaten to call the cops on him

he comes after her and that is when san knocks him out with a punch

the stalker finds himself tied to a chair in an empty room when he opens his eyes

there is the stale smell of something resembling death in the room, and that makes the man resist 

from the darkness, san emerges, clad in all black, his face covered with a mask

and his favourite weapon, the dagger, in his hand

you and wooyoung are watching from the camera embedded on his coat

you can see the glint of the dagger as he twists it dramatically in his hand

san circles around the man once as if to gauge the room 

even through the camera, you can tell how thick the air must be feeling

san meets eyes with the man and removes the tape over his mouth, wincing when the man screams his lungs out in hopes that help would come

there is no help, not for miles

“who are you?” the stalker spits on the ground near san’s feet 

san only shuts his eyes in mild annoyance. he is not easily riled up

“you have been found guilty of the crime of stalking. tell me… what should be your sentence?”

the man pales, fresh beads of sweat trickling down his forehead 

“it will be better if you admit to your wrongdoings and give me a fair number. you don’t want to leave it in my hands.”

“what do you mean sentence?” the stalker starts struggling fiercely, almost falling off the chair. “i have already served!”

san grins under the mask, closing in like a cat and stomping on his foot, making the man let out a guttural groan of pain

he leans in to whisper in his ear

“but… that was for murder. and unfortunately, i am not charging you for murder tonight. otherwise… you would not have walked out alive.”

the man gulps loudly, meeting eyes with who has to be the person he has heard so much about in prison

most of the people in prison feared this man- the judge, they called him

the man was the judge, jury and executioner for criminals, feared more than the cops or actual prosecutors

“surely… you’re not him, are you?”

you wince at the fear in the stalker’s voice and meet wooyoung’s eyes

san never confirms if he is that. he simply finishes the job right there

the stalker’s screams are heard for quite a distance, even outside your earpieces

you shut your eyes momentarily and when you open, you can see the blood oozing out of the man’s left leg

san is wiping the dagger with the man’s own jacket as he tells him that he will never be able to stalk people again

the man screams and screams, waiting for something more, but nothing else comes

san’s job is done

he tosses a broken piece of glass near the chair for the man to free himself if he wishes to

when san comes back to the van, the air is sombre, just like after every finished request

wooyoung pats his shoulder in acknowledgement and mutters a joke in an attempt to lighten the mood, which works

“they still call you the judge, huh?” wooyoung teases as he drives

“judge, jury, executioner. how scary, choi san.”

san raises a brow at your comment- he can tell what you’re referring to

you’re referring to the first time when he came back covered in blood

and the first time he realised that no matter what he did, you would never be scared of him

and that you and wooyoung would always have his back and guide him

“i think i’m only the executioner. you both are the judge and jury.”

“makes sense,” wooyoung agrees. “but the world does not need to know that.”

Judge, Jury and Executioner

Mingi

The Overseer

“the future, pitch black, upside down”

mingi dips his brush into the onyx ink, finishing writing the words on the big canvas

the canvas that is a splash of colours- red for the blood on his hands. white for the innocence he lost too soon. blue for all those nights he spent trapped with only the moon as his friend

and finally, black for the future. the future is the only uncertainty in his life

despite being a leader of a notorious gang, he can never be certain about his future. there are always people after his life

he cannot trust anyone- not one soul-

“sir,” a voice interrupts and he knows who it is instantly

even if he did not hear your voice, he knows you are the only person who would dare interrupt him in the middle of his private time-

“tea, sir. you’ve been cooped up in here for too long,” you say, placing the mug on the table

-for something as meagre as tea

mingi spares a glance in your direction, noticing how you are still dressed in your usual all-black fit

which means you have not gone to sleep yet, even though it’s well past midnight

“and what are you doing up so late?” he asks as he picks up the cup and sips it, finding it exactly to his liking. a flavour only you can nail

“watching you paint,” you confess without hesitation

because in this place, in this room, between the two of you, there may be truths hidden, but there are no secrets

mingi is amused to hear that though he does his best to hide it

“and what do you think of the painting?” he asks, allowing you to take a closer look

you smile at his permission to inspect his art and you inch closer to the painting, now standing beside your boss

you read the words on it in a whisper and cock your head in thought

“isn’t this too dark, even for you?” you question 

mingi shakes his head in amusement and looks down. only you could have made this observation, having been at his side for a solid seven years now

where others would say that his paintings were too ‘colourful’ considering the kind of person he is, you still find them too dark and void of life

you’d know better, because you know mingi inside out

he first found you when he was a street thug in the process of becoming something big

all he had was his raw strength, a strategic brain, a few rusty weapons and some loyal friends

he went on to fight gang after gang, always emerging victorious and merging the losing team with a good deal- it’s how he earned respect around and gained a reputation

every other gang knew not to stand against him unless they wanted to risk losing everything they had

when he first opened his office in the darkest part of the town, he found you purely by chance

you were nearing the end of your teens- a rebellious little girl who cut ties from her family and ran away from home

at that time, you had multiple part-time jobs trying to make ends meet, hoping to find a place to live

and one fateful night, you found yourself in front of a building to deliver chicken, peering up at the light coming from the 4th floor- this must be it 

although… you weren’t sure if the loud sounds coming from the floor were just men having a good time or if something had gone really, really wrong

men will be men, you thought, wanting to get the delivery done with so you could move on

only when you reached the 4th floor, you spotted men lying on the ground and clutching their limbs, blood all around

while every sane part of your brain screamed at you to pretend you saw nothing and go back, you recalled how when you received the order, they promised a big tip to the rider

you could not miss that, could you? you had to find a place to live, and you needed every penny

so you started with the men who seemed to be unconscious. you took any cash they had, being careful to hide your face in the hoodie

you moved to the office, hearing a crashing sound and flinching

you made quick work of grabbing more cash from the thugs- they had to be thugs

they all had guns, for fuck’s sake

you went into one of the neater rooms and placed the bags of fried chicken there

and you froze when a burly man made his way inside, wiping blood from the edge of his mouth

“ah… you must be song’s girl, eh?” he snickered, scanning you up and down

“i- i’m delivering chicken,” you pointed at the table. “i’ll be on my way then-”

“not so quick,” his gaze darkened 

instinctively, you grabbed the nearest object, which so happened to be a mug and chucked it at the man, successfully hitting his head

he clutched his head in pain and you made a dash outside, bumping into another man

the tall man seemed mostly unscathed save for a bruise on his cheek

he held your wrists to steady you and his eyes darted in the man’s direction who was clutching his head no more

“oi, song!” the burly man called. “teach your girl some manners, will you?”

the man called song pushed you to the side and a gunfight ensued

you took shelter behind a shelf, observing how the taller man successfully shot his every target

when he thought he was done- and was out of bullets, he looked in your direction and tsked loudly

you were about to come out of the shadows when you noticed one of the supposedly unconscious men take aim of song’s head

your eyes widened and almost instinctively, you grabbed a heavy metal object from the shelf and rushed to the man who was targeting your saviour

to say that mingi was surprised to see a young girl save him from his enemy by nearly crushing the man’s skull?

he knew you were something special right away

you both stared at each other for a long time before he told you to go back to his office, lock the door and not come out until he comes back

he was done sooner than you thought, and while his men cleaned his mess, he found you in his room, sitting rather calmly

“so you’re the delivery girl,” he narrowed his eyes

“i hope the chicken is still warm,” you responded. “if you can just pay me so i can leave-”

“why did you do that earlier?” he asked, voice low and rough that sent shivers up your spine

“i don’t know,” you answered truthfully

mingi paid you more than extra that night and told you to come next time they place an order 

the next time would turn out to be the last time you would ever work a part-time job

mingi offered you a place in his gang, and you took it

you are still not sure what your position in this gang is though- they smuggle drugs but keep you away from the work, so what are you doing here?

personal assistant? chef? manager? all of these? 

sometimes, you are accompanying wooyoung in the field- the gang now has an official base and a few legal businesses

sometimes, you stay in the kitchen with seonghwa and wooyoung to cook

other times, you sit with yunho and hongjoong to plan and offer your opinion on their strategic takes

you aren’t sure if you are qualified for that- you probably aren’t

somehow, though, the gang members respect you for whoever you are

you are the light in their dark life, they joke. you are someone’s friend now, sibling to some, secretkeeper for others

but you still aren’t sure what you are to mingi

whenever you ask him why he took you in, mingi always responds with something different

“you were clever grabbing all that money from our enemies”

“you saved me- though i must say i could have handled it”

“you looked like a lost cat”

“you didn’t report us”- excuses, all of them

truth be told, mingi has no idea what you are to him either

he has a certain fondness for you that he has for no one else. of course, it didn’t happen instantly

he took you in because he realised you had a strategic mind and he could really use that

he insisted the office needed a ‘feminine touch’ even though it came in the form of a cranky teen who wouldn’t stop asking questions

but somehow, the two of you formed an unbreakable bond

he finds solace just being with you in one room, even in complete silence

he loves to hear you talk, even though you mostly question his morals

because he is not a good person, you found out

song mingi is not conventionally good. he is a man of principles, but he does not have the best morals

despite all that, you learned a lot from him. the world is a harsh place, and only he can protect you 

he learned a lot from you too. the world is a harsh place, and only you are his safe space

when at times things get stressful, he comes to seek you. he finds you in the shared residence and sits with you

if he is feeling down, you will have him lay his head in your lap. you will caress his head and let him be

if he wants to talk, he will. otherwise, he will watch you for a long time until he falls asleep, unguarded

when he gets tired, he will seek your arms. all he has to do is show up and you will know what to do

you will drop whatever you are doing and spread your arms

it is his home at this point. that’s how things are like

are you in a relationship? you don’t know

all you know is that song mingi is the most important person in your life

it doesn’t matter if he lives life the way he does

it doesn’t affect you anymore- the blood on his hands or the chaos in his mind

it doesn’t bother you because you know his heart, and that is all that matters

so standing in his private space right next to him, inspecting his painting with a critical eye, you tell him that the painting is not him

he tells you to pick a colour and you reach out for a box, making him chuckle

“really?” he asks

“the future may seem black, but…” you begin. “it doesn’t feel so dark when i’m with you.”

mingi takes a deep breath at your words. you always get him like this, and he is not sure if he can restrain himself anymore

your heart aches when you see him curl his fists, a sign that he is holding back some words or an action

“tell me what you’re thinking,” you request, though it registers like a command in the gang leader’s brain

“i’m thinking that i never should have given you this life.”

you shake your head at that- how many times has he voiced out that he wished you had lived a better, normal life, away from the clutches of the underworld?

“no, you’re thinking something else too,” you comment

“i’m thinking that i want you to stay here, with me, forever,” he responds

you nod in approval. “i’m right here. i’m not going anywhere.”

“you could get hurt,” mingi says, taking a step closer and closing the gap between your bodies

“i am a big girl now, mingi,” you laugh, wrapping your arms around his waist and hearing his erratic heartbeat

his arms are still by his sides for a moment before he embraces you

“i’m old now, in fact. how much longer will you keep me waiting?”

mingi grows stiff at your question. so you know

of course you do

mingi cups your face and locks eyes with you

“i won’t break,” you promise

“i know,” he smiles, pecking your forehead. “i’m afraid you will break me.”

your lips curl in a smile and he rests his forehead against yours

“are you sure about your choice?”

“yes,” you breathe. “i want you. i’m yours.”

mingi draws back

“i meant your choice of colour,” he tilts his head in the direction of the painting and the box of paint you picked for him

“of course you did,” you laugh at his attempt to distract you

mingi leans in to close the distance between your lips

it is soft and unrushed. you both have waited for the right moment, the right time for years and everything feels absolutely right at this moment 

you go first, asking him to join you in your bedroom and he agrees

he assesses the canvas once again

as a finishing touch, he sprays a final splash of yellow- the colour you picked for him

yellow for hope, for all the light in his dark world

The Overseer and his Shelter

Wooyoung

The Maniac

it has always been a cat and mouse game with you and wooyoung

you chase after each other, running in circles with no start or end

it’s almost as if you both have sworn to keep your eyes glued on each other, watching every move, anticipating what is next

someone’s lips curls up in a failed attempt to restrain a smile- a smile that drips with mischief and mockery

someone else’s eyes glint with threat and promise that this is not over, their fists curled in anger

you chase after each other like cat and mouse

only…you’re not sure who is the cat and who is the mouse

sometimes, it is you chasing after wooyoung

jung wooyoung, the son of one of the richest businessmen in town

a privileged piece of shit who is not right in the mind

a crazy bastard who has made it his life’s mission to not only drive you to the edge of the cliff but to push you and laugh in victory as you fall

he takes advantage of you being a criminal investigator 

some people jest that they can’t tell if wooyoung means to ruin your career or lead you to your promotion

with the amount of times wooyoung has gotten himself in trouble (and gotten away with it) he keeps your desk full of cases that you spend most nights investigating

while he keeps your hands full, what frustrates you to no end is that he almost always gets away with his crimes only because of his social standing and his connections

he gets away with petty crimes. he gets away with bloody fights that could very well have him spend one night in the station, cuffed 

he gets away with major crimes such as money laundering and tax evasion

no matter how much you try to investigate, you cannot

there are the warnings of your superiors who threaten to fire you because this is not your worry

and even if you do start to investigate, wooyoung’s team is quick to wipe any evidence of said crimes

you’re pretty sure that at this point, he might be hiding a body somewhere in his house

you wouldn’t be surprised. man once set his enemy’s mansion on fire

to make things worse, he got away with it- even when he was the only one grinning and playing with a lighter on his way out 

while the others scrambled like mice, he sauntered in style

he gets away with anything

you reputation at the station is already in shambles because of it

they call you his shadow at this point, considering how you are always following him

the truth is, you just want to wipe the shitty grin off his face for once

you want him to suffer defeat when you finally put him behind bars

you want him to chase after you like you chase after him

you might come off as delusional, but you’re half convinced that whatever wooyoung does is on purpose at this point- to get your attention

it wasn’t always like this, you and wooyoung

it started with a simple fight that broke out at a party where all the high-profile people were

someone was stupid enough to call the police- but you were more stupid because you went ahead and handcuffed wooyoung

you told him that you couldn’t waste this opportunity because you were investigating another case related to his father’s company anyway

and he? he laughed out loud like a maniac

you soon learned why, going home with the sound of your superiors scolding you still ringing in your ears

here you are, a few years and a lot of chasing each other later

except… you get something out of the chasing now

all he has to do is corner you. all he has to do is rile you up as he tells you why you lost this game yet again

with his burning gaze and honey voice, he pins you to the spot

with his fingers tracing the curves of your face, he tells you how much he loves you chasing after him 

as if he’s all that you ever think about. he might be right

“don’t you think we’re meant for each other?” wooyoung questions almost innocently, licking his lips subconsciously as he trails his finger down the curve of your neck until he reaches the first button of your shirt

“don’t think too highly of yourself, wooyoung,” you respond, your chest rising and falling in controlled breaths

you can not let him know the effect he has on you

however, wooyoung doesn’t need any sort of confirmation

you can try to keep your gaze steel all you want. you can attempt to sound sure and fake indifference, but the fact is that wooyoung knows

all he has to do is take another step forward and fill the gap between you two

his warm breath caresses your face and you gulp despite yourself

he watches you intently and squeezes your neck just a bit, causing you to part your lips for air and then he brushes the tip of his nose against yours

his other hand is slowly but surely unbuckling the belt of your pants and taking it off

you can only thank god in an ashamed relief that you’re in a private space- the space being one of the empty rooms in a random building on a random street because you had been tailing wooyoung

(at least the door is locked)

wooyoung brushes his lips against yours as your pants fall on the ground and pool on your feet

the sound that makes has heat rushing to your face- this should not be happening

you are a fucking detective and wooyoung is your target

but you can’t complain when his fingertips dance along your hip bones

all he has to do is swipe his fingers up your panties

upon finding them soaked (as usual), he smirks and you smack his chest

he catches your fist in his hand, though

“all for me?” he asks

in a matter of seconds, your lips are upon each other, tongues in each other’s mouth as you wrap your legs around him

he picks you up effortlessly and places you on a very dusty table

he gets rid of his clothes all the while kissing you expertly, aiming to please you, dominate you

he sucks on your lips, your neck, anywhere he can get his mouth on

and when he finally takes off all your garments, he has more places he can get his mouth on

“admit it, detective,” he breathes against your clit. “you’re obsessed with me.”

“get to work before i cuff you and fuck your brains out, wooyoung.”

wooyoung’s laugh echoes in the room as he recalls that night- a night he is sure he can never forget

“does that mean i get to experience that again if i stop now?”

you are moments away from your high- how dare he ask if he can stop?

he gets the hint and gets to work, and he makes sure he does a good job, licking and sucking at your clit until you’re screaming

for bonus points, he dives his cock inside right after and stays still as he starts to kiss you eagerly

this time, you’re the one who loses to him and lets him take control

you let him thrust into you. you let him praise you and humiliate you to no end

truth be told, you’re addicted to him. there is no going back from here

wooyoung knows how to use his tongue and he whispers sweet nothings

he is also surprisingly good at aftercare, even though you don’t accept it from him

well, you try not to, but he is insistent

he takes you home and he invites himself in

you go to the shower and he goes to your room to admire the effort you put into bringing him down

loads of files and a board full of his ‘accomplishments’ staring back at him- nothing he doesn’t know

“you think your daddy will help you if i start to investigate the slush fund you have?”

“which one?” is his response, and he grins widely as you gape at him

he can practically see the gears in your head turning and he adores that

it is a cat and mouse game after all. he must give you something so you keep coming after him

(and you must give him something so he keeps finding you too)

while you’re still processing what he just implied, your phone rings

you flinch when you pick it up, getting an earful from your team leader once again, because where were you?

you were supposed to tail wooyoung to confirm that he is meeting up with a notorious gang member who does his dirty work

the case you’re team is on these days is targeting the gang, and yet again… wooyoung is involved

so what the hell were you doing, your superior asks

“jung wooyoung did not meet up with the gang leader,” you say into the phone, your eyes fixed on wooyoung 

wooyoung has a shit-eating grin plastered on his face

“and how do you know that? i thought you lost the tail-”

“yes, i did lose the tail,” you bite your lips in thought- you can’t tell your team leader that wooyoung has a strong alibi this time-

but wooyoung goes ahead and snatches your phone from you

“detective lee,” wooyoung greets and you mutter a string of curses under your breath

you watch wooyoung charm his way through the matter

telling the detective that he was in a tight spot because of the gang they are investigating

and how it is a shame that a ‘civilised’ person such as himself is being linked to thugs

he tells him that he almost got attacked but you saved him, and you hid him in an abandoned building, being wise enough not to blow your cover 

you can’t tell how he does it, but by the end of the call, your team leader is fully convinced that you did a good job today and he even praises you when you take the phone back

when you end the call, you glare at wooyoung

“what?” he shrugs. “i needed an alibi.”

“is that why you took me to the building to fuck me? because you needed an alibi?”

wooyoung watches you with mild curiosity

“did you think it meant something else?” he asks

it would have hurt if he really meant it, but that’s the thing

you both know he doesn’t mean what he says, especially about whatever is going on between you two

he has risked his position and even his life far too many times just to get you alone and fuck you

so you only smile and shake your head in response before telling him to fuck off and get out of your sight

(and he does. not before a second round)

when he leaves, you watch his car disappear from the window before going to the board and updating everything you got out of him tonight

everything about his business and his crimes. everything to make your case on him stronger

it’s truly a wonder how much you can get out of fucking someone right and you’re positive you can see the end of this case now

though… you’re not sure if you will ever take this to court. but that’s something you’ll worry about later

for now, you will follow him like a cat follows a mouse

and he will chase after you like a cat chases after a mouse

The Maniac and his Shadow

Jongho

The Tyrant

it is always a little too cold in the building for your liking

the building that is choi enterprises, located at the heart of the city, standing tall with numerous floors, laden in luxury

it is a workplace and home to some of the people in this city and a symbol of something untouchable to the others

as you enter the building, accompanied by your secretaries and a guard, you instantly feel the temperature drop despite the warm tones of the interior

the employees that greet you may have smiles on their faces but it’s all an act. you can tell, because you know what a genuine smile looks like

choi enterprises somehow always manages to keep the most calculating people to themselves. it might be why the company has flourished so much in such a short period of time

“to the private elevators, miss,” a man says and you recognise him as one of the ceo’s personal staff

you follow him and tug your jacket closer, wishing you had worn it instead of draping it over your shoulders

you catch your reflection on the golden glossy door of the elevator and straighten, lifting your chin up

you will not be pushed into submission, you repeat for the umpteenth time

however, things are not in your favour this time

in this never ending game of business rivalry, you and choi jongho have never seen eye to eye. you always stand in opposition, defensive or offensive

sometimes, you manage to outsmart him while making a new business deal or scoring a new project. other times, he is a few steps ahead and wins the game

except when you lose, somehow, the loss is much greater and a bit personal

your company always suffers more when you lose, which is why this little meeting you are going to have with jongho is no less than a negotiation- a war, if you must

sometimes, you wonder if jongho has a personal grudge against you. these meaningless battles start to seem like an excuse to see you

if not, then why is jongho looking like he just won the lottery at the sight of you?

“as beautiful as ever,” he says, scanning your figure slowly

you don’t move an inch, pretending those words don’t affect you

the secretaries move to another room, leaving you and jongho alone

jongho gets up from his chair and moves to the middle of the room, motioning you to take a seat

you watch as he pours a drink for you, his muscles flexing through the coat he’s wearing 

you take the drink- you need something to calm your nerves

“i suppose the odds are not in your favour, considering you found your way back here”

an allusion to the time he said that you were meant to find your way back here again and again, that you were just a lost kitten and he was your master, controlling you

at that time, you thought he meant to spite you, but time after time, he proved himself right

you always find your way here, always as the opposition. this time, though… you won’t bend

“if the odds are in your favour,” you begin experimentally, downing the drink in one gulp and then pouring one for jongho. “would you like me to join hands with you?”

now this is new- jongho’s eyes slightly widen at your remark

“ah… how the tables have turned,” jongho started to chuckle lowly

you let him be for a moment, scoffing internally

jongho had earned the right title over the years since he stepped up as ceo of his father’s company

a monster of capitalism

known to be the owner of many questionable businesses, borderline illegal, evading taxes and having slush funds unashamedly, heavily involved in money laundering- the list goes on and on

a true financial villain- a true monster, yet… being able to get away with everything, unscathed. that’s who jongho is

he has bribed every soul who would dare go against him. and those who do not take the bribe? he makes sure they kneel

and you… you’re pretty close to being his next target- he did say you would look pretty on your knees for him

“is business not going well?” he asks, faking innocence. he knows

you are a rival company- seo enterprises. everything that jongho’s company is, but… more legal

your forefathers were once partners, and they created their independent companies without a hint of rivalry

they were the definition of true brothers (and partners in crime)

the difference between the values of your company came when you and jongho stepped up as ceo

you had made it your life’s mission for your company to earn a good reputation and moral image, while jongho seemed to have made it his life’s mission to simply conquer the world, no matter what or who the stepping stone is

“business is well,” you narrow your eyes at him. “it’s about the land in ilsan.”

jongho doesn’t seem surprised to hear that. it is always like this- he knows what moves you will make

“ah, the one where we are about to construct a gallery?” jongho asks

“we?” you repeat. “that land is a shared property. why have you not consulted us before going ahead and signing the documents? how could you begin this project without us-”

“the other option is selling it to the government because of the redevelopment project,” jongho leans forward, “and you know how much i despise the government getting their grubby hands on what’s mine”

you know he is right, and he knows that you are not here to argue about why he started this project without telling you

jongho relaxes back, considering all his options before deciding to strike. “you’re worried about your involvement in that project, is that right?”

“well,” you mirror his position, “i would like to keep my reputation clean unlike yours.”

he chuckles at that, proud of his deeds. “yeah, well, that’s going to be hard, sweetheart. that gallery is going to be an optimum location for storing money.”

you know what he means. the gallery is going to display priceless pieces of arts. those pieces are but a means of illegal transactions for the elites

you swallow your anger, taking a deep breath. “i’d like to have my shares back, then. before construction starts.”

“uh…” jongho gets up, fixing his clothes. “you’re going to have to convince me for that.”

“please,” you scoff, but he only shakes his head, ignoring that because he knows this ‘please’ was wholly sarcastic

“try harder,” he smiles mockingly before turning his back to you and moving to the window, putting his hands in the pockets of his pants and staring down at the city

a tyrant- that’s who he is

he expects to get the maximum output out of anything he set his eyes on, no matter the cost- money or lives

you join him by the window, pointing at a few spots. “that’s where people held protests against your company last week,” you tell him. “apparently, you have been exploiting labourers too.”

“that’s what they think,” he spits. “i gave them more than they deserve. they just never learn to accept. they never get pleased.”

you look at jongho- he sounds like he is saying the truth. he has the art of sounding like a victim at times, thus justifying his actions

“doesn’t all that venom in your heart make you dizzy?”

jongho glances at you, his lips threatening to curl into a smile at your words

“doesn’t it get tiring, pretending to be moral?” jongho asks, trying to read your guarded eyes 

“there’s no pretending. i never claimed that i was full of morals, mr. choi,” you sigh. “i just wish for my business to have a legal foundation.”

“and it will, you don’t have to worry,” he responds, curling a section of your hair that had been resting on your shoulder in his fingers

you don’t flinch at his touch. you’ve known him since the beginning, and nothing he does fazes you anymore- except when he leans closer experimentally, locking eyes with you and trying to read you

“you will get your shares, but you will have to convince me,” he says, voice barely above a whisper

it is a challenge. it is always a challenge with choi jongho

“why are you so obsessed with me?” you laugh this time, swatting his hand away

he joins, and everything almost seems normal for a moment- just two friends with too many inside jokes, except… it only lasts for a moment

“how can i convince you?” you ask, sombre

“you know what i want from you, y/n,” he replies in a similar tone

he wants a true partnership, except his idea of a partnership is where you bend to his will (and so is yours)

“don’t turn this into a legal battle, jongho,” you warn, “i would hate to summon you to court.”

“don’t turn this into a petty rivalry,” he counters, “you will benefit from this project. you reputation won’t be harmed.”

“i don’t want my name next to yours,” you tell him in all honesty and you think you see hurt flash in his eyes

“that is not possible,” jongho declares. “our companies are not mentioned without each other. we are fated like that, you and i.”

that is true. no one dares to touch the two of you, so you two have always been alone

there is no one you both can trust. there is no one next to you 

except the two of you are always together, wherever you go, be it business parties, political dinners, or high-profile events

you can only trust each other, because despite knowing everything about each other’s business, despite being at war with each other

you are always honest with each other- honest about your intentions and purpose

there is no one next to you because you two are always together, leaving no space for someone else

do you hate that? not really. does he hate that? he’s not sure

“you can buy my shares from me,” you start, “or you can shift them elsewhere. i can handle whatever loss comes with that.”

“or… you can let it be and use the revenue for something ‘moral’,” he taunts and silence envelopes the room

“no matter how much you try to maintain a clean image,” he starts, gentler this time, “you cannot undo the damage your forefathers have done to your company, y/n. seo enterprises will always be known as the company that exploited the weak to get to the top.”

you don’t wince at that, though your heart aches to hear that

“just like your company. except you are continuing in their footsteps,” you say

jongho nods, watching how your shoulders are curling inwards

“you are not weak, y/n, stand straight,” he almost scolds, taking you by surprise 

you find yourself straightening at his words, confused to see how conflicted he looks

“you are the strongest person i know,” he tells you, and he means it. “i just don’t get why you are atoning for their sins.”

“i don’t know either,” you smile in defeat. “i just am.”

“well, if you ever get tired,” he gently places his hands over your shoulders, “i am here for you. you can lean on me.”

you lock eyes with him, scanning his face. his smile seems genuine

the way he kisses your forehead makes your heart melt

when he embraces you, you lean on him physically

and you almost give in, except…

“i can lean on you, huh?” you say, soaking in the warmth of his body, taking as much as you can before you continue 

“so you can end my career, merge our companies and crown yourself king?”

you look up at him, finding him smirking

just like you thought

“not a chance, choi jongho.”

“how can you see right through me every time, y/n?” he laughs loudly as you smack his chest and move towards the sofa to grab your purse

“i’m the only person who knows who you are,” you tell him. “you can own the world, but you will never own me.”

his eyes glint almost dangerously

“challenge accepted,” he says

you mockingly wave goodbye before exiting the room

choi jongho never changes, and neither do you

but somehow… it gets more addicting and electrifying to be with him, to compete with him and to stand with him

even though he is a tyrant, and you are everything that he is not

The Tyrant and His Defiant Ally

[moonlightperseus]

That's fair, if it makes you feel better I experienced the opposite in a way (I was pretty much directly told I'd have to quit my job, which if I think about it is obvious, but I'm still so sad- I love my job and the people. Part of me is like "it's okay, I can quit my job, go to school, ask for my job back <3" as though It makes any sense to go back to my CASHIER job after completing four years of nursing school) 

And that's completely understandable, everything is one day at a time. I'm sure the future will be better!! 

I would love for that to be something I'm capable of but instead I'm way too?? Bad at consuming media. Like TWO of my friends LOVE sandman so I was like "okay I'll watch it for you guys" put it on and didn't pay attention to a single second. 

I honestly judge that one less I tried so hard to watch Titans so go off. I know she appears in some Wonderwoman comics because I opened volume 8 and she was PISSED about something I missed because I only had volumes 1,2 and 8. But it was definitely largely important. (It should've been the new 52 run) hopefully you like the one you have open!! 

I use it a lot at work to make my hands feel right again, that's it. But you're right!! It's all personal and that's what matters. 

i have a tag on the first book so I know when it's available and then I'll probably try it. I'm glad you've been enjoying it! And that makes sense I get that (personally if I DO start reading it I'll probably google all the vibes because I hate suspense- it's why I got yelled at the last time I read a book my friend recommended. Apparently I "spoiled the end of Gideon" and "found out the whole thing harrows trying to figure out in Harrow" and I was like ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ but now no surprises) 

I went to the library yesterday!! I had to go to work to get something so I just kept running errands so I went to the library and I asked for an online library card. I spent like all night after that just *looking* at my options now. I picked a sad book (my favorite kind) that I need to remember to read and tagged a bunch for later (including, like I said, the Raven Boys- audiobook I think) 

i got to issue 11!! I know that's not a huge jump but I decided I was gonna read a couple and then I did. (because your site is so linear, and like just automatically goes to the next issue, it's a lot harder to stop lmao) 

Did you read the annual with Harley and Lobo? On my old old site that was counted as something else but not yours so I imagine you did? 

and tbch I haven't read ground zero yet, I own it but I just haven't cracked it open. That all sounds great though. 

His name IS Jake. HOWEVER he got the nickname Music Man because he just started playing music out of his pocket because the radio wasn't good enough so I started calling him "music Man" and then I heard his co worker call him Jake so boom Music Man Jake. But if it helps I have to physically restrain myself from instead calling him music man *Kyle* for some reason. (I believe it's because of the existence of Theatre Gay Kyle and Crackhead Kyle already in my life)

I know of that too but I also don't remember where it's from. And she IS in fact significantly better than all of them. Everyone knows boys drool girls rule. She can fuck'em all up and I love her for that. 

I think, in all honesty? I don't know how much you'll *like* year zero (Dinah's in it but not largely, Diana Might have a larger role? But iirc it's not really the marks you're trying to hit) HOWEVER that being said, it's a very short run so I'd say go for it. I'd you don't like it and it's hard to get through just stop. 

​​​​​​​Have a good day <3 

boy howdy my life has been busy, apologies for my delay in response.

as it turns out, and now i can say it bc before i was paranoid somehow someone would find my blog and relate it to my job and learn the news this way, i am losing my job in the sense that my place of work will be closing end of january. i’m gonna miss my coworkers most of all and a good amount of the dogs as well but i’m otherwise handling this news pretty well i think? idk like i’ve said i’ve been so burnt out and i thankfully have the fallback of being able to go back to living with my parents while i recalibrate. i have a feeling i will be sadder the closer it gets to closing time but for now i’m putting emotions about it on a shelf for later.

oh that’s totally fair. i definitely don’t consume every media friends like/recommend bc i don’t have the time and tbh not everything interests me but if the interests vaguely line up i do try. or at least im trying to try. and sometimes trying to try things that don’t necessarily sound particularly interesting but sound like they could be surface level fun and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something at surface level. idk. its hard to commit to starting new things to be invested in. there’s just not enough time in the world.

(personally if i ever end up in a time loop i will be fucking around and consuming as much media as possible before looking for a resolution.)

i think i honestly stand by the fact that titans has some really good moments. but it just also has some really bad moments. i wouldn’t say it’s balanced necessarily but god the good stuff is so good to me and i am willing to suffer through the bad. (and to some degree. some of the Bad honestly became comedic to me-though bald connor will never be one of those that shit was god awful. boy needs his hair, i’ll say it.)

congrats on going to the library!!! huge step and i love that for you!! you are SO valid re googling the vibes. i didn’t feel like there was a whole lot of suspense in the first book personally but i also was not surprised by two of the “dramatic reveals” but i may have also been potentially over analytic of the first book so i’m not sure i’m the best judge of character.

ALSO!!!! the locked tomb!!! love that series!! they make for great audiobooks though a little confusing and confusing stuff is harder in audiobook format bc i can’t easily reread bits until my brain has digested them. but it’s so much easier for me to get through an audiobook because i can do it while doing other stuff.(i feel like i’ve already talked about audiobooks so i’m not gonna continue on the ramble that’s forming in my head and move on instead.)

i try to make it my philosophy that any progress no matter how small is still progress so congrats on making it to issue 11. i definitely agree that it’s a little too easy to just keep going thru the issues on that site bc i’ve definitely been like “i’ll read a few” and then binge a whole lot. ah well.

i did read that annual! all the annuals were put at the start of each year so i read them before each year.

ground zero is definitely fun if you can put aside the joker of it all! would recommend!

i have not done any more reading of the injustice verse because again. life been busy. but i do think i’m gonna give year zero a try before starting on injustice2 just because it is so short. i keep telling myself i should start on it and then i am so easily distracted and lately i’ve been on a sudoku kick. my sister also shared this house flipping game with me and it’s fun but very frustrating bc it doesn’t run well on my computer so i don’t know how long i’ll keep up with that game.

ahjsjd that’s valid. i take it he was playing it out of his phone in his pocket and not a very small but very cool tiny instrument in his pocket anksdjs

life has been hectic but i’m hanging in there and doing relatively well right now. hope you are also hanging in there and doing relatively well!!

[hereiamtolive]

STILL NOWHERE TO GO

Me coming back after, when is the last post? about 4 years ago...?

PFFFT i guess this would be my safest place to tell everything, so when i am no longer in this world, yes i wish people around me will just scroll around this blog so they will always remember me,, if they do want...

so what’s going on after 4 years? my life is getting complicated.., let’s say 4 years ago i was struggling with my fresh graduate year, still have those dreams to pursue, but not now.. i will just live and do anything what i want to do not planning and telling my friends that if you still see me alive on my birthday it would be such a blessing, since i turned to 24 years old when i have a birth day i would just be cryin thanking myself, you passed, and then a new chapter of a new age is comin

2019 

it was my first stage to enter “FUCK LIFE IS SUCKS I JUST WANT TO DIE” i guess i would be having a good job, good salaries, doing good in career but turned out i did not like my job desk, let’s say i was working in the wrong company. I hate the vibes, everything in there it was not suit to me at all, then i was unemployed for about 3 months, yes and i got a job ---- same place until now it has been 3 years and still counting... which i want to resign but don’t even do anything. My 2019 was good, the first time i work in this company i was so grateful, it suited my work style.. i have my own salaries which i think more than enough because i don’t pay for any bills , it was just all for myself. I was working hard motivated, you know “The College Wishlist” was just started, going to any concerts and travel! I could buy anything i want, i could eat anything without any worries, i went to my fav kpop concert, i went to hong kong with mom, having holiday with her just two of us, spent the the whole time so happy, and ready to travel again next year 2020!!!

2020

you know, let me introduce you with the main reason why you better die before 2020 came, COVID-19. yes, we start to have pandemic..... idk maybe still until now but somehow we’ve been recovery for the past months. I thought, just i thought i could finally happy and checklist all “The College Wishlist” but nah yes it’s still in the wishlist... i saved, i earned money that time, i can afford flights ticket - concert tickets just anything. Started to see Seventeen on Feb in Malaysia... i was so excited it would be my first solo overseas travelling, i bought flight ticket, hotels and anything but yes it got cancelled 2 weeks before D DAY, i was so frustated... not just like that, i had my second round holiday with my mom on march to seoul , south korea.. yes everything had been done flights, hotels and visa we should have just flown having holiday but nah.... covid cases were increasing a lot that time and no vaccination found. So, i decided to reschedule it, GA sucks they don’t refund our ticket so i have to pay 1/3 of the ticket price just to change the date to october.. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THE PANDEMIC DOIN BAD FOR MORE THAN 2 YEARS... yes and i still have the plans for MAY and JUN in that year. I have already bought flight tickets visa were done and concerts ticket for concert in Osaka, Japan.. i was so so i excited because if there were no corona i should have been travelling like each month lol, first to malaysia then korea then japan and on jun i have already bought return flights to seoul also lmao , you know i thought that earning money would be enough to feel those kind of experience but i think it was not the right time for me, i just don’t know why..

2020 was sucks, i am motivating myself everyday just want to travel and going to every concerts in any countries, and i can’t do that.. i lost my motivation a lot, my work partner left me and i have to work with “can-say-her-name-because-i-just-dont-like-her” 

i did not receive my full salaries for like 3-4 months but rather than 2021 it was a lot better... i still can buy anything and do anything regardless HOW MUCH I HATE FOR NOT TRAVELLING.. i lost so much motivation at my work while i was focusing selling kpop things lol, i had bad review from work colleagues and i did not have my salaries increased.

 2021

ah what should i summarize this year? this is my lowest year, i just feel like i want to die at that year, thinking every possibility way to die without feeling hurts. i was cryin on my birthday while eating my own bday cake in the end of that year, i never thought i would be still alive on that day, i was so sure my life ended in 24 years old, but here i am... next month i would be turnin 26 and still can write everything in this tumblr, i guess i won’t be die .. i guess my life will be long because i know exactly god been really giving me so much struggles and wanted me to be the strongest person, showin me the world is nothing... you just like born to the world only for “transit” god be showin the world is not for me. it’s just every days in this year, i wish i could just die, because i was to tired... 

2022

nah, it’s getting worse, still i feel being dead is a good choice rather than breathing, but somehow this year i can go travelling and go to concerts,  everyday its just frustating for me. Every days in this year like i want to die today but tomorrow i feel like grateful smh i guess i am mentally unstable, anyways will be back later, 2 weeks from now i would be flyin to seoul, ah so much anxiety coming but i will just pray, because i am so tired with anything, been dragging my expectation, i would just go with limited money because i guess why not, escaping for a short time, leaving the family behind that’s giving me a lot of depression,

see you will be back after my birthday,

i hope so

[ruthlesslistener]

Just did the White Palace again to revitalize my hatred for PK so I have writing fuel when I realized that the object on the left was likely a toy box D:

As for the two things on the right, my guess is a dresser and maaaaybe a chair for PK? One that had been turned around and pushed away from the cradle, so that the person sitting in it wouldn't be able to see it. That might be a bit of a stretch, though, because all I really am going off here is the fact that it looks like his throne, while the other chair is obviously supposed to belong to WL. Then again, almost all of the storytelling directly involving the King's personality compared to the Queen's is environmental, so it might not be (for example, compare the Queen's station- a beautiful open area that used to be full of travelers, connecting Greenpath to the Fungal Wastes- to the King's station, which is not only a dingy little thing hidden away in the corner of the City of Tears, but also has a false entrance to help hide it. Then recall what Lemm said about him being a reclusive figure, lmao). Unlike the Radiance, who screams out her disdain for the Knight in most of the enemies she possesses and has few environmental or visual cues to her name, the Pale King is a character whose personality and mindset is set visually through the environment, so it very well could be his chair for the nursery, carefully pushed to the corner and turned away so that he wouldn't be forced to look at the empty cradle, and so those who walked in on accident wouldn't immediately recognize his presence in the room.

I'm also once again struck by how primal the nursery is, in a way, with elements from both parents coming into play. There are many hidden rooms in the White Palace that pertain to important aspects of the Pale King's life, but this room is hidden away directly under his throne, where he likely would have spent a great deal of time. Not only that, but it is a well-disguised tunnel (the entrance does not make the clicky noise that other breakable floors in the game do) that has one of his statues beside it, almost as if he is guarding it. Going in is very reminiscent of entering a burrow, and the nursery itself is small and dense with the White Lady's foliage, giving it the impression of a nest. I can't quite describe just how visceral of an emotion that evokes, but whooo boy it is not to be sneezed at. The King's regrets echo strongly throughout the entire White Palace, but this is the room that really shows you just how much sacrificing his children to the void hurt him, even if it's not something that he would likely have admitted to in canon.

As for the challenge of the White Palace itself- I've seen some people claim that it represents a bossfight against the Pale King, and I agree wholeheartedly with that. Unlike the Radiance, who is ruled by emotion and will rush into battle when challenged without a second thought, the White Palace mirrors its creator- its elusive, evasive, needlessly convoluted, deeply frustrating, and an indirect way to go against his will, which is pretty much exactly how he decided to fight the Radiance in canon. Unlike the Radiance's fight, however, I don't get that impression of it being a frenzied duel to the death, with both sides fighting for their life. Instead, it feels more like the Pale King's way of testing the Knight's resolve and willpower before handing his half of the Kingsoul over, like Hornet's fights magnified by a thousand. There's a lot of puzzles, there's a lot of frustrating sections, there's ample opportunity for them to just straight-up leave the Palace, but they persist anyways, and when they take their prize, they're ejected from the Dream Realm, with a narrator- presumably the King- naming their progenitors. To me, the White Palace feels almost like the Knight's chance to prove themselves to the King as a vessel that is not only worthy of obtaining the role of Hollow Knight, but the entirety of Hallownest itself. Only by showing that they are strong, willful, clever, and capable of withstanding great challenges are they allowed the option of forging their own path, with the Kingsoul being given over with nary a fight from the King's desiccated corpse. I don't have much canon evidence for this other than the fact that Hornet seems to mirror his role of training the Knight the way that he was for the Pure Vessel, and that the vessel leitmotif plays in the instrumental style of the White Palace when they sit on the throne, almost as if he is accepting one of the Abyss's progeny as his child despite denying that fact in the past.

As for what the Knight thinks of the King? The way they beat up his body and then sit over his corpse says more than enough, I think. The true ending of the game is all about breaking free of the expectations of others to forge your own path, so even if winning the King's approval is necessary, it's certainly not something that they were trying to achieve, and don't seem to care about when its offered to them. They will sit next to the people they respect when asked, they will give flowers to those they pity when given the opportunity, but those that hurt or betray them (like Millibelle, and the Pale King) get their nail and disregard. Both parent and child offer quite a clever way of establishing character purely through show rather than tell, and I love it.