#<- hopefully thats enough for blacklisting

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

A vile trickster sent me a nefarious package that unleashed a torrent of glitter upon myself and my home!

I have spent the last 3 hours meticulously using masking tape to extract the microplastics from my helmet.

Audio Source

gif for anyone who wants it

secret bonus audio of him opening the glitter bomb

[bittwitchy]

cw anti st*ggy and st*cky joke:

its funny how much i hate st*ggy considering i also dont like st*cky romantically

[orionsangel86]

Honestly same about the spoiler, here’s the thing…

I NEVER in a million years thought they’d go there I thought it was just gonna be strictly platonic but besties whatever and the fact we even have this has made more happy and invested because Ofc I can ready my fan fictions of this being a conclusion after the show but the fact it’s real?! I’m so happy and I don’t even care that it was spoiled

Yeah exactly. I was kinda really pissed off at Neil reblogging that post that was like "ShOw SoMe ReSpEcT" because it was a stupid post policing and attempting to blame FANS for something AMAZON did. I get Neil was prob angry and upset at the time and he has since tried to clarify, but I still think its a shitty post.

Its a 2 second clip that just so happens to confirm something that the majority of fans have been desperately hoping for for 4 YEARS. Would it have been better to only find out whilst watching the show? Of course! But honestly? I now get to go into the show comfortably happy to watch it without any residual anxiety and fear of disappointment.

Because no matter how many posts people scream on this site about how "we dont need Crowley and Aziraphale to explicitly show us they are in love and together" deep down we know thats bullshit. Deep down we know that for it to actually count towards representation we needed season 2 to give us SOMETHING more than season 1. So that the queer media sites like Pink News could include Gomens in their articles, so that buzzfeed could include it in their canon queer ships listicles. So that heteronormative types could finally say "oh so not just best friends!" So that homophobes could stop screaming "WhY dO yOu PeOpLe HaVe To MaKe EvErYtHiNg GaY" at US and instead scream that at the creators like they did with Sandman whilst we all laugh at them.

People try to downplay the importance of a kiss because they are trying to prevent their own disappointment. So if a kiss doesnt happen they can say "i never needed a kiss. I KNOW it is queer anyway." But we should never downplay the importance of a kiss in queer media. Not when in the real world there are still people trying to make out that queer kissing is gross and explicit and obscene and should be kept hidden from children. Queer kissing needs to be as commonplace as straight kissing and only when THAT happens will I say "nah i didnt need a kiss to know they were queer."

So yes. This spoiler is everything. Not just everything. It's the breath of relief that I've been holding for 4 years. Its the weight of anxiety that has pressed on my shoulders finally being lifted. It's the faith in my favourite author and showrunner finally being rewarded. I was already excited to watch the show, but with the knowledge of the spoiler I am absolutely bouncing off the walls desperate to watch the show, chewing on my own arm desperate to watch the show! I know there are people who REALLY care about not being spoiled, and thats fine. I'll tag everything. I'll tag this post, and hopefully those people have been smart enough to blacklist the tags. Because thats all we can do. I don't think people should stop talking about it and supress their excitement just because Neil Gaiman got angry. Just tag the spoilers and revel in this new knowledge and love the show even more.

[campirebitesarchive]

more medical garbage bitching dont mind me (feel free to blacklist camyellsOW to ignore these)

im liking being able to look back on these before other appointments

im currently on hold with my insurance because my rheumatologist listened to me and he wrote me a prescription for ring splints and I called around to physical therapy offices and found one that has hand therapy and can take my and my appointment is in less than 3 weeks which for PT in my area and PT as specific as this thats AMAZING holy shit. Its actually closer to two weeks than 3 but I feel like im doxxing myself if i say specifics lmao

so im calling my insurance company to see if they can tell me ahead of time if there are a fuckload of hoops im going to have to jump through in order to get my splints

for the first time ever I feel kind of hopeful about my joint health. Were doing a lyme disease blood panel to see if thats the source of my nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and headaches. He ordered a couple more things Im going to google

I told him that I know we need to do physical therapy first but eventually id love to talk to him about a wheelchair and he said no and I started crying again and he was like I think thats a bad idea let me tell you why and I was like NO thats internalized ableism and thats a YOU problem! Wheelchairs are mobility they are FREEDOM. I cannot currently lift enough laundry at once to fill the washer without subluxing my shoulder/collarbone so I have to take multiple trips and frequently have to sit down between trips but with a wheelchair Id have the freedom and capability to just do a load of laundry. I already cook having to sit down. You can have an amazing wonderful fulfillling life in wheelchair that you cant have when youre in bed every day because everything hurts so much. You can tell me not right now or maybe in the future but just a no is the most hopeless answer you can give me. That is a YOU problem.

and he like did a little head tilt like a dog and was like. You know what? Youre right. Thats something I need to reevaluate in my own head. So, youre right I wont tell you know, but Ill tell you first we need to try physical therapy

that fucking honesty is why I love him so much. He was like "you need a therapist" and i was like dude if you tell me that one more time im going to start crying again I KNOW

and I apologized and thanked him for dealing with my anger because i just angry cried at him basically the entire appointment and he just said Its okay, I know Im not who youre mad at. I wont take it personally and holy shit that was just the biggest load off of my back and I was like no youre right im literally just mad at my body. At one point he said "you know im empathetic, I bet it does hurt that bad." Like holy shit Dr G you are a king amongst doctors. He had knee surgery recently and I used it against him and he didnt even get mad. In my angry crying I was like you just had knee surgery. Sitting in bed wallowing in pain all day. It fucking sucks doesnt it? Imagine twenty five fucking YEARS of that! and he just nodded and digested that and was like yeah, I hear you.

This man is the best doctor in the world

at the very least im on my way to my ring splints which will help my quality of life SO fucking much holy shit

I also told him about the highly unprofessional cardiologist i saw who just told me I was fat and showed me his grandsons fortnite youtube channel and he was like wow literally what? and I was like I dont know man. And then he talked shit about cardiologists and how they tend to be fuckin weirdos with egos and i was like yo go off my shady king

but on the bright side in less than a week were placing that heart monitor and it will be recording for two weeks and hopefully after that i can obtain my POTS diagnosis and hopefully thatll put me one step closer to being an ambulatory wheelchair user. Id love to still be upright and use my cane when I can but a wheelchair for bad days would be lifechanging

my oldest childhood friend is able bodied the idea of being able to just get a coffee and walk around target with her pain free makes me want to cry THAT is a hopeful future

[nyapologies]

ThornRing was equipped.

[liquidstar]

this may sound dumb, idk how much water it holds, but do you guys think that tumblrs “banned words” may just be (partly) based on which terms are very commonly blacklisted? maybe thats why so many are nonsensical? but they shouldve still vetted them beforehand if thats the case, so it couldve been somesort of quick and lazy solution is what im thinking

[twinprimeconjecture]

i have several thoughts

[lubdubsworld]

Take all of my Firsts.

Genre : awkward humans in love. A lot of first times done wrong? Or possibly done just right. 

Rating : 21+ 

Warnings : Its written by me. Thats all the warning you’re gonna get. also Jungkook here is a whole cutie i’m in love. 

Summary : After getting fired and blacklisted for refusing to sleep with her boss, 26 year old Hana is kind of desperate for a job. So much so, she applies to be the secretary of the painfully awkward, absolutely anti-social Jeon Jungkook, the bumbling CEO of a brand new start up company. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

1. First Date. (1/?) 

 “ This is blue.” Jeon Jungkook's impressively large figure filled the entryway to my tiny cubicle, shoulders brushing the two wooden frames on either side of him and when he carefully stepped into the workspace, the rickety old boards beneath our feet creaked ominously. 

Both of us paused, waiting to see if today would be the day the dilapidated warehouse finally gave up on us, plunging us twenty  feet down into the basement. 

When after a second, Jungkook still stood tall, very much not falling to his untimely demise in an explosion of broken floorboards and rubble, I finally exhaled in relief and looked at what he was showing me. 

I blinked, staring at the pen in his hand. It looked pretty ordinary by all standards, nothing remarkable. But the way Jungkook was staring at it, implied that it had done some sort of very personal affront to his person. 

“Uh..yes?” I wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this whole thing. 

“There are three blue pens in my draw. I only require two on any day. One that i use and another as a spare in case the first one fails in some way. This is not required.” He intoned gently. 

I could feel the urge to scream, slowly build.

“Right... of course. Very carefully analyzed and concluded, sir. I just don’t know...” why  on earth are you telling me this?

“My draw is cluttered by this pen. A second spent picking and dropping this around is a second of my time wasted, Hana. And you know how I feel about wasted time and its effect on our productivity.”

And you know how I feel about this moldy ass warehouse office that you insist we use because its free and you don’t have to pay rent, there’s insects here that are probably extinct in the outside world, not to mention there's a very suspicious looking algae growing on the underside of my table and I don’t wanna know if its going to mutate and eat me whole, but you don’t really care about any of that , do you, you murderously oblivious pinhead ??

 “ Hana! Are you listening to me?” Jungkook’s voice snapped me out of own head and i smiled weakly, carefully plucking the open out of his hand.

“I’ll get rid of it , sir.” I said dutifully, getting up to drop the pen on a side table and the floor boards creaked again, louder . I froze, staring down at the small cracks in the floor, offering me a glimpse of the dusty basement underneath us. 

 Please God, don’t let me die in this hellhole.   

“Get rid of it?” Jungkook looked very serious, his handsome face scrunched in displeasure and I wondered yet again why I was still here. 

And yet i felt the familiar curl of reluctant affection as well. I had only been working for him for a little over two and a half months and i already felt a desperate need to save him from the world and himself.

Mostly himself. 

“Uh..no?” I asked confusedly and he sighed deeply. 

“That would be an awful waste. The pen should merely be stored away for future use, hopefully somewhere other than my draw. I hate clutter.” 

Right. Right of course. I tried to smile soothingly.

“ I understand your sentiments perfectly, Mr. Jeon. i take full responsibility for not ...de-cluttering your draw this morning.”  because i was too busy adjusting our budget for the month, setting up seven interviews with potential employees and seventeen other meetings with clients and investors. But who cares about that right? When there’s a whole extra pen that needs to be taken care of. 

“ Excellent. Also, the dinner with Kim Sera? Could you tell her that I am not available for coitus?” 

I choked on my own saliva, coughing in disbelief. 

“Are you dying? Do you wish me to call the ambulance?” He frowned and i spluttered, shaking my head. 

“No.. i... No. Just... Sera... You. I... What?” I choked out. 

He rolled his eyes. 

“I said, Could you tell Ms. Kim that I am not available for coi-”

“I HEARD YOU.” I shouted and he jumped a bit. “ I.. I heard you, sir. But ...just... She merely asked you out to dinner? She’s a potential client and-”

“I only meet potential clients here in my office. I only get asked to dinner, in order to have coi-”

“SEX!!” I shouted in desperation. I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around Jungkook saying coitus. it was warping my insides and making my gut clench, intestines twisting like little snakes. 

“Excuse me?” He tilted his head in confusion and I felt my heart ache, completely at odds with the throbbing headache he was giving me, pulse racing at how ridiculously cute he looked, considering he was a grown man of twenty five. A whole three months older than me and yet it felt like i was babysitting him all the damn time.

“Please just say sex. its what every one says... coitus is just-” i felt slightly nauseous. 

Jungkook frowned deeply.

“Sex can hold different meanings. Like gender , for example. I merely wish to avoid confusion. when i say coitus I’m talking about the physical act of a penis-”

I brought my palm down on the table with enough force to scatter the papers and send the stationery flying . Jungkook jumped a little. 

“I  feel-” i shuddered, “ this conversation is getting derailed, a bit Sir.. Lets just talk about why you think, Ms Kim wants to have sex with you.” 

Jungkook opened his mouth to argue and i groaned.

“Coitus.” i choked out quickly. “ Why do you think Ms. Kim wants to have coitus with you?” 

Jungkook shrugged.

“Its what I get asked out for.” 

I blinked.

“You... Dinner is ... It doesn't always have to be for sex, Sir. People go out to dinner to talk to each other all the time.” I protested.

Jungkook frowned.

“Really? People don’t like when I talk.” He stared down at his feet. 

I felt that familiar fist around my heart again.

“I... “

“Its alright, Hana. I understand I’m peculiar and i make people comfortable. So they often just want me to eat in silence and take then back to my apartment.” He shrugged. “ It was wrong of me to assume that that is how all humans behave. I still don’t think Ms. Kim would want to have dinner with me. Even if she did, I may ruin our chances. I’m not.. I’m not good with people.” 

I stared at him.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” I blurted out, before I could think it through.” Sir.”

Jungkook looked up, frowning. 

“What?”

“A dinner date sir. You and I, tonight. I’ll reschedule your meeting with Ms. Kim to tomorrow night. I’ll show you how dinner dates go. And you can be ... well... you can feel more comfortable when you meet her.” 

Jungkook considered.

“That is an excellent idea. You will take me out on a date and teach me what to say and do.” 

I smiled, nodding.

“And there will be no coitus.”

That word had definitely grown on me. 

“No sir. No coitus.” I fought the urge to grin. 

“It would be my first date then. A proper date.” He looked excited. 

And then he frowned.

“What must I wear?” He asked confusedly. 

“Oh something casual should be fine?”

“Casual....you mean like my beige suit? i admit I haven;’t work it in years because its a bit too frivolous but I can make an exception. You’re a bit ...” He paused,” wild yourself.” 

Not sure what he meant by wild, i merely shook my head.

“No suits sir. Just some shirt and slacks should be fine.”

Jungkook frowned again.

“That sounds incredibly scandalous. Are you sure you don’t wish to have coitus?” He asked eyes narrowed in suspicion.

This time the laugh escaped against my will. 

“Your virtue is safe with me sir.” I said with a straight face and he sighed.

“Well, then. I shall meet you at the same restaurant where I was to meet her? At 8.00?”

I hesitated.

“Sure. Unless you’d like the full date experience?”

Jungkook leaned forward, clearly intrigued.

“What is that?”

“If you meet me at the subway station near your apartment at six, i’ll show you.” I grinned, “ Sir.” 

Jungkook nodded enthusiastically. 

“Excellent. I’ll do that Hana.” He smiled and then glanced at the pen , smiling.

“I’ll keep it safe , Sir. Don’t worry about it.”

I watched him walk out of the cubicle, heart racing. i willed myself not to stare at the broad back and narrow waist. 

 If you develop a crush on him, there is no doubt that you are the weakest link in human history. The reason humanity will die out will be because of your lack of sense, Hana, because even stupidity should have its limits. 

( TO BE CONTINUED) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S NOTE : So, this is the drabble i was talking about. And i am terrible at fluff so give me ideas for their first date :’( 

[an-aro-without-an-ace]

An Essay On Alloaro's

Before I begin this stupidly long post, I want to add a disclaimer. This post is going to talk specifically about alloaro issues in the community, and only those issues. Everyone one in the aspec community faces issues that deserve to be talked about. That being said, there is a trend in the community to focus on issues skewing more towards asexuals and aroaces. So this post is for those who are rarely talked about. Alloaro's.

With that out of the way, lets begin. The aspec community encompasses two seperate communities of identity. The Acespec Community, asexuals and their spectrum. The Arospec Community, aromantics and their spectrum. However their is this common practice of using aspec in reference to only the Acespec community which is problematic in a few ways. This discourse has been coming up again recently with people claiming that aromantics are included under asexual using aspec to refer to asexuals. This is aromantic erasure, but it also has a heavy impact on a smaller community within the Arospec Community. One thats often forgotten about and the topic of this post.

The discourse around aromantics being under the asexual identity is extremely alloarophobic. It erases us as an identity as it implies that to be aromantic you have to be asexual or be irreversibly linked to asexuality. Its gotten to the point where "Not all aro's are ace" isn't enough to drown out the arguments, which in all honesty it never was enough. Discourse has turned into antagonism against a small community that barely ever gets its voice heard.

If you've made it this far, wonderful. Now, I'm going to break down issues we face inside and outside the aspec community and hopefully how to fix them.

Lack Of Informative Alloaro Centered Content

Its seen all the time. Aspec and LGBT positivity and informational posts simply forgetting the existence of aromantic identities or even worse, when alloaro representation ends at "Not all aro's are ace". To be clear, we have terminology that can be used beyond a single sentence of representation. Terminology that can helo those who may be questioning their orientation and are unable to even find posts about being allosexual and aromantic. How can we fix this? Simple. Acknowledge our terminology. Instead of saying a single line about us, mention us as who we are. Allosexual Aromantics.

Our Representation Being Flooded Over

I want you to imagine for a second you are in the shoes of a questioning alloaro. You've struggled with your aromanticism and don't know if thats even who are, or if you're just a "late bloomer". So, you turn to the aromantic community to try and learn about others experiences. Thats when a knot forms in your throat. As far as you can tell, almost all of the most shared, acknowledged, and featured content around the community is either blatantly asexual or aroace. You know for a fact you aren't asexual, and now you've found yourself reinforcing the idea that you can't be aromantic because of that. Just imagine that for a second. This is something tons of alloaro's have gone through before discovering that such a line of thinking is false.

How many times have you seen posts talking about how the aromantic tags get flooded with purely asexual content? Or that other aromantic identities are forgotten over the vast majority of the community favoring aroaces? This is a massive issue, and it just reinforces the idea that aromanticism and asexuality are connected or are requirements for eachother. Alloaro content and posts get burried under a slew of aroace and asexual content. Content that sometimes doesn't even get tagged as aroace, but just aromantic, making it nearly impossible to filter out for alloaros who want the allosexual part of their identity acknowledged. A passage from @aroworlds "Allosexual Aromantic Erasure: A Guide" says it best.

"Aro-aces deserve the right to see aro-ace content in aromantic spaces, but we need to address this imbalance in terms of what content dominates and how it impacts allo-aro participation in our shared community. Only then can we renegotiate a relationship that doesn’t tend to allo-aro erasure."

How can we fix it? Simple.

If your content doesnt substantially mention aromantics (more then just a sentence tacked on at the end), do not tag it aromantic. And for gods sake, NEVER tag purely asexual content as alloaro.

If your content is aroace, tag it aroace or include asexual in your tags. This allows alloaro's who want to see more representation of their allosexual identity to blacklist the term asexual in their feed. It also helps differentiate the content from being seen as aromantic and nothing else.

A Refusal To Acknowledge Or Talk About Alloaro Experiences

I've said it before and I will say it again. The alloaro experience is fundamentally different then that of aroaces, asexuals, and other identities in the Aspec community. ALL EXPERIENCES IN THE ASPEC COMMUNITY are different and simply assuming that since you've mentioned aroaces or aromantics means that you covered everything is erasure. The way we experience our aromanticism is changed due to our allosexual identities. In the aspec community, it's almost more accepted to be aroace then it is to be alloaro. In spaces for aspec discussion alloaro's often have to filter out their allosexual experiences in fear of offending or making someone who isn't allosexual uncomfortable. Rarely do you ever see a space for alloaro discussion and as a result our struggles often go unheard or even ignored by the community.

Lets take a moment to mention what we face, so that we can at least get the acknowledgement we deserve.

The coding of sexual attraction and sexual acts being inherently romantic

The vilification of sexual acts without reciprocal romantic attraction

The assumption that FWB is societal representation of alloaro's

The unspoken community caution around talking about sexual attraction or sexual experiences in the aspec community, even when tagged as aromantic or given proper warning to asexual members

Being labeled as predatory by society and even within LGBT spaces and communities

A lack of even the slightest education on how to go about sexual encounters without romantic intent in a healthy manner

The flooding of sex negative content in the aromantic tag (along with simply asexual content as a whole)

And much more I could mention but the list would drag on forever. How can we fix this? Simple.

Create more spaces for alloaro discussions and boost content that shares our struggles. Never assume you've covered our experiences because you've mentioned aroaces. Never assume you've covered our experiences because you've mentioned aromantics without specifically talking about alloaro's. Help change the atmosphere of the aspec community to make it more acceptable to talk about sexual experiences in aromantic spaces because they are not the same as asexual spaces.

Closing Statement

There is alot more I could talk about in this essay but its gotten to a length in which I doubt anyone would actually read further so I'm going to wrap things up. All aspec issues and experiences deserve to be discussed, bo matter what identity it centers around. However, that means they deserve to be discussed equally. Whether intentioned or not, refusing to acknowledge the differences in alloaro experiences is erasure, and it harms us as community. We need to elevate the voices of those who go talked over or unheard in our community. We need to stop the harmful ideas that come about when a community for all aspec identities is dominated by the views, opinions, and experiences of one side. The Aspec community is for Asexuals and Aromantics. Two separate identities with their own struggles, experiences, needs, and lives. If we can acknowledge that, and stop lumping ourselves together as if the other side doesn't exist, we can come together as a community.

Everyone deserves a voice, so lets give them one. One we're willing to hear out.

[cactusfru1ts]

fuck it. intro post 

(under the cut because it got. slightly longer than intended. oops)

hiiii besties im quetzal im part of a system and i got sick of pretending to be my headmate so i just kinda made my own tumblr cause whos gonna stop me

im 18 (body age and mental age) i use it/he pronouns and im a gemini, i dont really know what else im supposed to put here lmao. i made an account on pronouns.page if you want more info about my pronouns and stuff, and if you dont know what plural means you should probably check out morethanone.info but the extremely short version is that im one of several people sharing one body

oh my gender is kinda weird but the short version is that im a girlqueer bigender guy. technically im also transmasc but i dont really consider myself trans? or cis. or nonbinary. i call myself genderqueer sometimes, most gender words that have an “opposite” are kinda weird for me though. idk its like… physically i am transmasculine but i guess since i didnt form until wed already been on hrt for a bit it just isnt much of a thing for me. oh and the bigender part is like 90% guy 50% girl i guess. yeah that sounds about right.

oh also i said in my bio that im bisexual but i am also aromantic. i mean technically i guess im gray aro but for all intents and purposes i am aromantic. im also polyamorous and like i think relationships are super fun i just only realized recently that “it might be fun to date this person” is not necessarily the same thing as “i am romantically attracted to this person” lol

i really like music, some of my favorite musicians are watsky, hozier, mitski, taylor swift, mcr, and sidney gish, and im theoretically a musician but i am generally not very good at learning instruments so i mostly just sing. i also paint sometimes but im not very good at it lol

oh im really interested in cults (i listen to a lot of cult podcasts mostly) but i know a lot of folks consider that a weird thing to bring up at the dinner table so i try not to talk about it with folks i dont know well enough that i can feel confident that theyll tell me if i need to shut up. with that said i often need to shut up and if you tell me to shut up and youre not a dick about it i will try to shut up. in conversation anyways. i made a tumblr because i dont shut up though so it probably wont work if you just want me to stop posting cringe. go ahead and  block “#quetzposting” if you dont wanna see my original posts because theyll probably get pretty annoying pretty fast

other stuff i like includes 17776, psych, ncis (i know dont @ me), and also wings of fire but in kind of a weird fictive way sometimes. (technically speaking i am a fictive of qibli but i just call myself fictionkin cause it seems… more accurate, if less precise. something something integration idk. i probably wouldnt even mention it but since im openly plural here i get to make fictive jokes so i may as well explain that now.)

okay this was supposed to be a temporary intro post but i rambled a lot so i guess ill probably just keep it for a while im working on a listography though so hopefully ill add the link to that soon

edit: i made a page on my blog thats sort of like a guide to my tagging system, its more for my own benefit but if youre looking for something or need to know what to blacklist it could be useful?

second edit: i finished my listography! or like got it presentable anyways i didnt “finish” it bc im gonna have to update it + stuff but its at a point where you can look at it and learn things about me in a way that is much more pleasant than just looking at this post. this post sucks. i will hopefully also be replacing this post shortly lmao

[lovecolibri]

while on a high-level narrative standpoint i wouldnt mind the vision ending up being about either michael or alex (especially alex), but oh please god dont let it be them. because if it turns out that m*ria vision and the quest to save that person that stemmed from that vision, ultimately saved either of them, that would mean that a) m stans would use it retroactively as 'proof' that 'actually she always super cared about/for michael/alex in the past, present and future, so you cant say she ever did anything thats negative even in the slightest (but also shes a flawed character and you just hate complex strong women)' and b) mm stans will go even deeper into their delusion that mm are endgame/soulmates/in love/was anything but a pointless plot device. and like, that's just noise that i have had blocked for a year now, but after s2 i really need some canon validation. this show is objectively bad and potential is just not enough at this point

oh god i just thought about a horrendous point c) to my little rant re: m*rias vision being about alex/michael - it will once again fuel m*lexa stans and that... that really needs to die. any notion of that, even in a super 'we're just joking here haha love is love' manner needs to die.

All good points, Nonnie! Season 2 did a LOT of damage by undercutting Malex moments and Alex and Michael's importance to each other with the narrative as well as words and actions by other characters. I know, I know Chris and the writers room are doing their best with a bad situation, but I'm really hoping they won't double down on the "m*ria can do no wrong" narrative, or push her friendship with Alex and Michael (or worse have THEM apologizing to HER for hurting HER feelings or making HER uncomfortable 🤢🤮 *insert "I have one fear" meme here*), but I'm getting a sinking feeling that's what might happen. 😬

Block, blacklist, filter the fuck out of your tags, Nonnie! Hopefully you can keep from seeing some of those truly baffling, or ridiculous takes. And you can always come be salty in my inbox. 💙

[ghoulgourd]

this aged well lmfao

aH IM NOT GONNA RELAPSE

[intersex-support]

hey can yall please tag the mclean hospital post with medical abuse and/or psychiatric hospitals? its something thats really really triggering for me. thank you.

I can content warn in the beginning but I won’t tag it as such because it’s an awareness/donation post, thanks for letting me know it wasn’t adequate enough I hope it didn’t cause you too much stress!

Edit: hopefully I content warned enough, I’m under the impression that tumblrs blacklist system hides keywords as well so I changed it up a little bit to where it should be blacklisted for medical abuse as well!

[ujuro]

im glad the izones coming back because i miss my girls sakura and yena and hyewon and hitomi and the rest a ton and i knew this shit was rigged the moment yuri came in third and chaewon in tenth lmao so like the rigging itself is less of a controversy to me than the horrible conditions of survival shows for trainees that were revealed like im shocked anyone believed that any of this was real to begin with and isnt instead focusing on the awful shit said about idol school conditions but solving that takes more than throwing a bunch of kids under the bus so likely nothing will change whenever mnet starts those shows back uP again but thats a different issue entirely anyway i digress

but im really worried for their like. health and wellbeing. mnets emphasizing it wasnt the trainees fault and they at least have enough support to make a comeback worth it but who knows what companies have blacklisted them. i just hope the girls are okay

at least we get the full album and jaPan is there for izone. i dont follow x1 at all but they dont have a backuP country to go to and it overall seems worse for them but hopefully theyll be alright

[floaty-pickle]

this postmortem felt so healing honestly. im gonna go back and rewatch it right fter i finish typing this up. them EXPLICITLY TELLING YALL that theyre friends (which is sorta sad that they had to do that but apparently some of you dont know how friends behave around each other, especially when theyre very comfortable with each other), shane straight up telling you hes always gonna be like ~that~ (i actually wrote a post about this and im so glaaaadddd he said it but also so maaad that people genuinely wanted him to change. ive spat truth since forever friends.), them just being really chill, teasing each other, ryans dumb reactions to the masterpiece that was this ep of the hotdaga.... i know its only been a week, but everything that has happened has made it feel like so much longer. i needed that to ground myself again. i didnt know how rattled ive been until just now, it feels like ive finally uncenched a muscle that has been tight for too long (i am fully aware of how dramatic i am rn, just fyi. i know.). 

i didnt really engage in any “fighting” or other things aside from making these few posts and after i blocked or unfollowed what feels like close to a hundred blogs (i was genuinely surprised by how many bfu blogs i was following tbh lmao) i didnt do much snooping or lurking (which im kinda proud of tbh), but i was always waiting for the next thing to drop? like, i obviously know that ive weeded out everyone im not willing to trust and only follow chill people now, but its hard to come down from that kind of nervous energy. this situation and the posts that i made have gained me a LOT of followers and attention in a very short amount of time, which is flattering dont get me wrong, always nice to see people are agreeing with you, but that was never my goal for this blog? (im probably making this sound like more than it really is, but considering i came into last week with maybe 60 followers this HAS been a very drastic increase, you should see the followers graph its absurd) i honestly just wanted this to be a blog where i compile stuff i like about bfu, where i can share some of my thoughts with other people. i dont want to be a name in a fandom (i was very involved in some other fandoms and i know that this position mostly attracts drama), i dont want to be anwhere near the centre of attention.

so that was a very very long winded way of telling you im finally gonna do that hiatus i talked about? its not gonna be a strict one, ill come back every time an ep or a postmortem  drops to look at the content you guys make, but im not gonna be on this blog every day. im not gonna be home for the next few days anyways, so now is really a good time to get some distance, remove myself from the fandom (thats a good thing to do every once in a while. reminds you that its just that. a fandom. a thing thats supposed to bring you joy, not throw you into a mini crisis because youre getting trust issues) and maybe come back when im not so tense anymore.

you can ofc still message me, i met some genuinely nice people in this fandom those last days and im happy about that, but dont expect this blog to be callout central. that was (hopefully) a one time thing that happened because i could not let something like this stand without comment. some things absolutely needed to be said and im glad i did, because so many people messaged me saying they were afraid to do the first step and were glad someone finally said something or others told me they thought they were alone in their “opinion” and I GET IT. im absolutely not judging anyone for not wanting to speak up about something like this, especially in a fandom you are much more invested in than i am. i didnt know anyone before, so there was nobody i was afraid to “piss off”. ive said it before, bfu is not my main fandom. i would be sad to leave it, but if it came to that then id be able to deal with it pretty well. drama is something i have enough of tbh, i dont have to artificially create more by starting fights with weird people for attention.

soooo... uhhh yeah.... see you soon?

(one last thought: you can always, always cut out people that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. tumblr sometimes makes it seem like once you follow somebody youve entered an unbreakable contract and unfollowing is a big insult. its really not. unfollow people. block people. you dont owe anyone anything. you probably wont be able to change a toxic person, their behaviour or their opinions, but you can change the way they influence you, at least here on tumblr. unfollow, block, blacklist. youll feel better.)

[shadowed-moonrise]

ooc: elia and ashka chat logs

[ooc comments supposed to be removed but i might have missed some. there is a Lot of logs bc we forgot to post until now]

shadowed-moonrise

oh my god what is WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE

shadowed-moonrise

i got some horrifying anons!!! theyre so horrifying!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

hang on let me turn off my blacklist for a moment

uh

uh

quick question: what the fuck

(not directed at you!)

shadowed-moonrise

i just

like

wow????

they sent me a followup ask like 'didnt you read what i said, my gf likes it'

shadowed-moonrise

and............... i dont....... think she does

like that does not sound like a healthy relationship and i hope they just made it up to creep on me

flameofcertainty

"hi i'm a rapist"

"wtf"

"no but she likes when i rape her"

i just

*what the fuck*

shadowed-moonrise

right

WHAT THE FUCK.

shadowed-moonrise

i was just talking earlier abt how i dont actually like that anybody can read my hyper posts but i make them on publicblog for like Awareness right?

shadowed-moonrise

and i thought i meant like abstractly, like maybe theres somebody reading them and cackling bc they dont agree w/ my politics or whatever?

but APPARENLTY

APPARENTLY

people will send me creepy asks about raping their hyper gf

flameofcertainty

some people are just really terrible?

i guess?

what are they even getting out of this?

shadowed-moonrise

i think some people just........ enjoy making other people suffer????

or maybe somehow they thought i would be like "i think this is hot or a good thing to do or whatever, thank you for your service to the hypersensitive community"

i dunno what goes on in these peoples head

shadowed-moonrise

heads

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr just hates hypersensitives or something

it would explain a lot

shadowed-moonrise

like, okay, but what would you hate hypersensitives for

like theres somebody who hates hypos (and IS A NAT THERAPIST, AUGH) for.... not hating pollution enough, i guess

but hypersensitives are boring? we dont go outside much bc the outside is fully of scary?

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr is just weird like that?

or maybe we're easy targets?

shadowed-moonrise

oh yeah that makes sense

flameofcertainty

most meso folks don't have a button they can press to get a reaction out of us

shadowed-moonrise

if you wanna make somebody suffer its so easy to target people with a big 'make me suffer' button

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

ugh im sort of regretting making it public

i could have just not mentioned it and had a really good blacklist

flameofcertainty

most of the time people aren't that bad

and then there'll be a week or two

where people send you nothing but asks about pollution

shadowed-moonrise

i blacklist some stuff but im generally okay talking about pollution if its like, abstract, so i dont do it that aggressively and then........ sometimes............. people take advantage of that

shadowed-moonrise

i wish you could like, have vulnerabilities without people just randomly deciding to fuck with you for no reason

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

hang on

i just scrolled down

>i’ll put my foreign object ;;;;) in your body ;;;;) ;;;;)

***what the fuck***

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

oh GOD

i just got

another

flameofcertainty

oh no

how bad is it

shadowed-moonrise

bad enough im not sure i should tell you what it says

flameofcertainty

my brain is helpfully providing suggestions

why is it like this

are you okay

shadowed-moonrise

im.... probbly going to be in a minute

fuck

"the last "person" to hide their caste on this hellsite turned out to be red. i bet you aren't even hyper, you're just pretending so people won't suspect. i know what you really are."

thats what it says

flameofcertainty

aaaaaaaa

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

why would anyone send that to you

shadowed-moonrise

i dont know

i dont know

what did i *do*

flameofcertainty

i don't know

fuck

i guess if they think you're red that would explain why they hate you?

but seriously

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

i'm so sorry

flameofcertainty

why would anyone say that

shadowed-moonrise

anon hate doesnt usually get to me like this but

sob

why

the fuck

i dunno if they even really think that or they just want to upset me

flameofcertainty

i don''t

i don't know

fuck i'm so sorry

are you going to be okay

shadowed-moonrise

yeah. yeah.

flameofcertainty

is there anything i can do

shadowed-moonrise

i dont

think so

flameofcertainty

other than not be the sort of terrible person who would send those messages

shadowed-moonrise

thamk you for not being htat sort of person!

im so glad most people arent

flameofcertainty

it's really not hard

shadowed-moonrise

oh i can... go take some eytelia right now

it will only help in 40min but i might still need it then

shadowed-moonrise

brb

shadowed-moonrise

ok back

flameofcertainty

okay

anyways what the fuck

shadowed-moonrise

someday i will have coping mechanisms other than "get high in a way that coincidentally also helps"

flameofcertainty

i mean if it helps

then that's a lot better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it is

shadowed-moonrise

im gonna go curl up and not look at the Fuckening Internet, i guess

flameofcertainty

seems reasonable

shadowed-moonrise

ttyl <3

flameofcertainty

ttyl :)

shadowed-moonrise

hiiiiiiiiiiii im back im not sad anymore because im so high

shadowed-moonrise

i got another horrible anon and i dont even caaaare

flameofcertainty

i'm glad you're feeling better

sorry about the terrible anon

shadowed-moonrise

also did you know art is pretty

its so pretty

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw a video of a yellow playing the yellowest instrument ever and i wanted to send it to you but tumblr messages werent working on my everything

maybe i can find it again..........

shadowed-moonrise

http://theyre-a-geeky-witch.tumblr.com/post/138457594516/ here

flameofcertainty

that's actually really pretty

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

anyways what's up

shadowed-moonrise

i gotta work in a couple hours

by which time hopefully i will be able to handle it

idk i dont HATE it but its hard on the badbrains

flameofcertainty

i can imagine

shadowed-moonrise

like i feel ok now bc hiiiiiigh but im not very excited about leaving the house and going places

shadowed-moonrise

there will be a green party where im supposed to just pretend to be green tho!

i like those

flameofcertainty

that part sounds nice

at least

shadowed-moonrise

ive been thinking & writing a lot about how thinking-on-drugs works and greens always wanna talk about that

shadowed-moonrise

one time a client had me go to a thing pretending to just be green and it was nice and then she *told everyone she hired me* while i was in the middle of talking about my cs paper (my actual cs paper, which i actually wrote, and she implied i didnt even though i CLEARLY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD IT)

flameofcertainty

???

why would she do that??

shadowed-moonrise

i wish i had just walked away but i didnt know what to do

some people....... have a humiliation kink

shadowed-moonrise

and like, okay, ill do that if you WARN ME, but you cant just spring it on me???

flameofcertainty

i am super not a sex worker but "tell people in advance" seems really obvious

shadowed-moonrise

YEAH

shadowed-moonrise

i didnt really say anything at the time bc i was so shocked but later i like messaged her and was like 'thats super fucked up'

shadowed-moonrise

she didnt really get it but she agreed to pay me extra for like, i didnt know what service i was providing beforehand & thats more costly

but she only engaged with it in like, super businessy terms

flameofcertainty

how does she not get it

this does not seem particularly hard to understand

shadowed-moonrise

i think she was like 'im paying you for both sex work and going to a party so i can just like do whatever, right?'

and there was also some like 'greys are toys'

shadowed-moonrise

fucking blues

shadowed-moonrise

i do not usually go in that much for caste solidarity because im so bad at grey + greys are not great about that but in that moment if somebody asked me i would have supported a military government

i could explain 'pay people for services and also lay out terms beforehand' but not 'greys are.... people..... dont be a fucking asshole'

flameofcertainty

i don't think i've ever actually talked to a blue

at least not to say more than "excuse me, can i get through" or "the soap is in aisle five"

huh

shadowed-moonrise

there... exist blues who are okay

there even exist blues who are okay and hire sex workers and do kinky things about castes with them

flameofcertainty

i believe you

shadowed-moonrise

like 80% of the people who hire me are entirely fine?

flameofcertainty

they can't possibly all be terrible

otoh a terrible blue can screw you over a lot more than a terrible purple

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

im not sure what i would do if a blue client did something illegal to me because...................................... im not sure what i CAN do

flameofcertainty

probably depends on how illegal

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

and who they are

flameofcertainty

yeah

there are supposed to be reporting systems in place if they try to pay you to kill someone or something

idk if they actually do that

shadowed-moonrise

nobody has tried that and i havent heard anybody talking about that but im pretty niche and a lot of my family is green, idk

i feel like if somebody wanted to pay a grey to kill somebody theyd pick one who has ever held a gun

flameofcertainty

probably

but yeah, i'm guessing if you made an important blue mad they could screw you over pretty badly

idk

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

ugh sorry ive been talking about my shit this whole time

it has been kind of A Day i swear i am usually better at conversation

flameofcertainty

it's totally fine!

shadowed-moonrise

how is your day anyay

flameofcertainty

it's been okay

mira and i went to check out that social-dancing place

shadowed-moonrise

oooh

what kind of dance is it?

i guess i might not know purple dances??

flameofcertainty

i don't know if the name will translate

it's mostly the kind you do in a group with other people that's really traditional

shadowed-moonrise

group dances are great

if you have... similar amounts of motor skills to the other people

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i haven't done anything like it in years and i'm really bad at it but it's still fun

and i'm not bad at it in a stepping-on-feet way

which is probably good, idk

shadowed-moonrise

im pretty sure not stepping on feet is strictly better than the alternative!

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

omg babybro is home <33

flameofcertainty

baby!!!

shadowed-moonrise

he is so good!!!!!!

he taaalks and he plays with me and ive been teaching him abstract concepts bc i find it really exciting when he knows abstract concepts

flameofcertainty

tell me more about this baby

shadowed-moonrise

he can do numbers up to twelve and circles and triangles and 'many' and 'other' and i asked him what one plus one was and he said 'two ones' which means he *actually understands what it means*

he has adooorable curly hair

and a little nose

and he will boop my nose with his nose if i ask him to

and he loves my weighted blanket

flameofcertainty

baaabbyyyy

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i guess at this point he might not 'technically' be a baby anymore? but hes a baaaabbbyyy

[lemme edit a picture of my irl little brother to have green hair]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa8d578702cf6c0ed9269902f535982a/tumblr_messaging_p7ryailotL1vio47i_1280.png

https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8ec991036777a0f24c9ed84a194d921/tumblr_messaging_p7ryanbD931vio47i_250.png

baby!!!! <333

second picture featuring Grey Grandma

flameofcertainty

baby!!!!

baaaabbbbyyyyy

he's so smol

shadowed-moonrise

so small!!!!!

and smiley!!!!

flameofcertainty

happy baby!

shadowed-moonrise

i hope he is happy foreeeeever

shadowed-moonrise

his lil nose is tan bc it gets in the sun more than the rest of his face

bc he has a little baby face!!!!!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

little baby face on the little happy baby!!!!

he's so good

shadowed-moonrise

hes next to me playing with my blanket

i looove him

flameofcertainty

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i told him i was talking a friend and he says hi

although im not sure he really gets the idea of the internet yet

he seemed kinda confused

flameofcertainty

hi baby-sibling-of-ashka

flameofcertainty

he's such a cute baby

shadowed-moonrise

his name is avidik

we keep arguing about whether to use avi or idi as a nickname

flameofcertainty

hi avidik!!

shadowed-moonrise

oh no he spilled water on the carpet

its alright its a pretty waterproof carpet

he ran at me and jumped in my arms

so!!!! good!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

eeee

flameofcertainty

baby

flameofcertainty

good baby

shadowed-moonrise

oh also have you seen this yellow violinist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhPGH2YROA

seems like your kind of thing

flameofcertainty

wow that's pretty

shadowed-moonrise

oh i could take a picture of avi with my violin

he is not green, technically

although he also does not know how to play even a little bit

flameofcertainty

do you play violin too?

shadowed-moonrise

a little

shadowed-moonrise

im not like good at it

but it is fun

rn i am mostly actually learning to sign but i dont understand how notes correspond to mouth sounds so if i need to sightread i play songs on the violin first and then once ive heard them i can sing them

flameofcertainty

violin is great

shadowed-moonrise

it is!!!

i always felt like i should learn piano bc its easy but i like violin so much

one of my other brothers writes a lot of synth music

its really good

he plays it without telling us it's his to get unbiased answers and then he tells us and were like HOLY SHIT

flameofcertainty

gosh

flameofcertainty

that's really sweet

shadowed-moonrise

ok i’m not really online but I TAUGHT AVIDI A LETTER

HE KNOWS A LETTER

i’m so proud of him

shadowed-moonrise

hi hi

flameofcertainty

hi

a letter!

what a good smol!

flameofcertainty

which letter is it?

i guess it might not be a letter orvaran has

shadowed-moonrise

it's [forcetranslate]a[/forcetranslate]

or uh

[forceliteral]a[/forceliteral]

shadowed-moonrise

idk if that worked

flameofcertainty

yeah

we have that sound but it's written differently

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

it's the last one in my name

[preservecharacter] a [/preservecharacter]

shadowed-moonrise

oh

i wonder if its always the same sound

i think it can make a couple sounds in anitami

flameofcertainty

just one in orvaran

flameofcertainty

maybe two

i'm not sure if they're technically separate sounds

and then there's accents and things

shadowed-moonrise

idk if i should try to teach him to read in valtaz

he speaks some but tbh there is just no situation where you even need to be able to read valtaz

flameofcertainty

maybe someday he'll want to swap to yvalta

for some reason

shadowed-moonrise

.............i really doubt it?

i guess if he wants to retire in the Old Country

flameofcertainty

i hear older people sometimes swap for the weather

flameofcertainty

or something

shadowed-moonrise

there are apps to machine translate physical signs and stuff but i guess theyd be annoying to use all the time

flameofcertainty

yeah

if he knows valtaz he can learn to read it if he ever wants to

right?

i'm not really sure how this works

'how to teach your family foreign languages' wasn't really covered in purple school

shadowed-moonrise

i think i should probably teach him the alphabet but not like focus on it

yeah my parents swapped out of yvalta with some retirees who wanted to go there for the weather and were unaffected by the horrible contract system bc they were too old to have more kids anyway

flameofcertainty

i can't really think why else you'd want to live there

flameofcertainty

lineality maybe

but there are other matrilineal countries

shadowed-moonrise

arent most countries matrilineal?

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i think historically matrilineal was easier because like..... there can be ambiguity about who the father is if you dont have good genetic testing (and a database, in some cases), but you can always tell which person a baby literally just came out of

flameofcertainty

that makes sense for why

we're matrilineal

maybe someone who lived in ceredan would swap to yvalta for lineality, ceredan does permissions anyways

except for blues i think

shadowed-moonrise

how do blues even have kids in permissions countries

shadowed-moonrise

"ashka your family is from a permissions country" its not like they talked to blues a bunch

flameofcertainty

i think they have to impress other blues

probably they don't let you give yourself a permission

because then everyone would just do that

shadowed-moonrise

.....how many kids does the most important blue get to have tho

flameofcertainty

no idea

i think it varies by country

the one with the bears and no greys makes a big deal about the monarch only getting two

shadowed-moonrise

i guess with blues its always more "how many kids is it a good idea to have so that they can give them all a good inheritance" than "how many kids can they literally afford"

aww thats kinda cute

shadowed-moonrise

if i lived in a country where the king had like six kids i would be pretty pissed

flameofcertainty

good inheritances might be less important in permissions countries

i bet the way you impress people is with politics

or maybe real estate if you're bribing people, idk

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

it’s impressive that most permissions countries basically function okay

cuz like it seems like blues having to care so much about impressing other blues would mess with things

flameofcertainty

yeah

i don't think they function as well as most places

but that could just be propaganda

shadowed-moonrise

yeahhh idk how to tell the difference between “permissions countries kind of suck” and “permissions countries are usually small, often ex-oahk, etc, which makes stuff harder on them” and “our governments just don’t like them”

i’m low key impressed that blues in auction countries don’t make too many blue credits so they’ll be cheaper, tbh

i guess they super don’t make those decisions in spring + the international community would not be too happy about it

flameofcertainty

everyone i know from a permissions country says they suck but that's like two people

and if you increase blue credits everyone who isn't blue gets mad

shadowed-moonrise

my parents say yvalta sucks and i believe them but like idk how much it’s yvalta’s *fault*

flameofcertainty

i think the big thing is if for some reason a blue hates you a permissions granting blue can screw you over way more than a credit country blue

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a big deal

idk a credit country blue can probably get you sterilized if they try really hard but it would take them more trying

flameofcertainty

yeah maybe

flameofcertainty

i've never heard of that happening in a credit country but that doesn't mean it never does

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

shadowed-moonrise

anitam is trying out a first child subsidy

which is neat i thin

think

flameofcertainty

cool

are they subsidizing the whole credit?

or just some of it

shadowed-moonrise

noooo theyre starting with like 4%

shadowed-moonrise

and increasing gradually

bc you know how changing laws goes

sooooo sloooowwwww

flameofcertainty

i guess 4% is better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

but eventually it will be a substantial fraction of the credit i think

flameofcertainty

but probably good not to do it all at once

i know there's some countries where everyone gets one and the rest are auctioned

shadowed-moonrise

first kid free just seems so much more humane? like i understand why credits are useful and stuff but people *just not getting a kid at all ever* is awful

flameofcertainty

summary bank says alavet, av valdin, celenta, fnr, ochero, qoloc

maybe some random tiny countries that no one bothered to include

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

on the list, i mean

and yeah, i see what you mean

i wouldn't want to live in a voan country because i like knowing that if i work really hard i could get three

but it makes me sad to think about people with zero

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

i mean probably some people should get zero, like child abusers, but an auction's not going to stop them

shadowed-moonrise

hm i bet in voan/first kid free systems there’s probably a lot of four and five year olds impulsively having kids that they’re not entirely ready for but idk like maybe that’s just something they get to do

flameofcertainty

okay i'm looking at the summary bank article about the voan system

and the age when the most people have their first kid is five

flameofcertainty

but that's not most of the people

if that makes sense

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

i know when i was almost-four they made a big deal in school about how we should all get long-term all-spring birth control

i bet they do that in voa

i guess i don't know for sure

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw someone on tumblr talking about how they usually get the long term birth control and they get went on vacation to the southern hemisphere and just didn’t remember that they didn’t have the birth control and got pregnant

(they were asking if you can still get aftermarket credits in the *fall*)

:(

flameofcertainty

wow

that must suck

:(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i hope they managed to get an aftermarket credit

flameofcertainty

yeah

i bet they're cheaper in fall

since most people aren't getting pregnant

i definitely wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone i dated when i was four but maybe some people get really lucky there

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a lot of what i’m thinking about like.... most people don’t know people who are definitely good coparents for them when they’re four

shadowed-moonrise

because it just takes time to figure that out

flameofcertainty

i'd've also been a really bad parent when i was four but some of that is me-things

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that toooo

i’m four and i’m super not ready to be a parent!!

shadowed-moonrise

i feel like i know how to be a good parent in THEORY but in practice i don’t like have the energy or emotional stability

avidi was born the spring i turned four, which was really good <3

flameofcertainty

that's so good

when i was four i was living with a friend rather than my parents

but if someone had dropped a baby on me i'd have been so unprepared

and my friend was living with their parents

flameofcertainty

so there were actual responsible people in the apartment

shadowed-moonrise

nodnodnod

shadowed-moonrise

fall/winter when i was three i was spending a lot of time with friends in other cities and stuff to get awaaay but then they there suddenly like “you know what, we’re having another baby this spring” so i came back

there are some upsides to the fact that my green mom has grey babies.......

flameofcertainty

i have a little sister

i've never actually met her

maybe someday i'll be able to make myself

shadowed-moonrise

oh wow i’m so sorry

flameofcertainty

it's not your fault

shadowed-moonrise

if you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it, or whatever-

flameofcertainty

if you want the story today's a good day for me to tell it

otoh it's definitely pollution-adjacent and i don't know if it's a good day for you

shadowed-moonrise

i think i can handle it, it is a good hypersensitivity day for me

flameofcertainty

so during the voan food crisis we couldn't afford clean food past the first couple months

you'd think living on a farm would help but it had been a bad year the previous year and none of our crops were coming up that season

shadowed-moonrise

oh. oh.

flameofcertainty

and i tried to force myself to eat the polluted food but i couldn't even make myself touch it

that's not the thing yet

so i was at risk of starving to death

and my mom got one of the neighbors to give her a super sketchy probably-illegal loan

flameofcertainty

because otherwise i might literally die

shadowed-moonrise

fuck

flameofcertainty

fast forward to 3423, the neighbor comes and asks for the money back

actually he'd been doing that for a while but she'd been able to put him off

we were super not going to be able to pay it back

and the loan was sketchy enough that she wasn't really sure what would happen if she didn't

just that it would probably be worse than normal

i

i told her i thought it would be okay

when she asked

flameofcertainty

if she

flameofcertainty

people remember fall 3422 as the introduction of the orvaran system

that was just lathande

spring 3423 was when they rolled it out everywhere

even small farming towns need someone to collect garbage, and the jobs paid really well

they had to, if they wanted to find enough people

i thought i'd be okay

shadowed-moonrise

oh

fuck.

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i was really really wrong

so wrong

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah wow

flameofcertainty

that's why i wound up moving in with a friend, if i'd stayed there a week longer i'd

it wouldn't have been good

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

they didn't try to stop me

which is good

would've been silly for them to go to all that work just for me to end up dead anyways

shadowed-moonrise

hey you survived

flameofcertainty

i did

shadowed-moonrise

it was super worth it for them to do it becuase you survived

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know intellectually she's clean

but trying to be in the same room as dad or my older brother is about the same as lighting myself on fire, brain-wise

and if it's her it's worth

*worse

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

can you talk to them online or does that not work either

flameofcertainty

not really

flameofcertainty

they have my email address

they tell me things like 'you have a sister now'

she tried leaving the job once she had enough money to pay the guy back

flameofcertainty

to see if it would help, you know

flameofcertainty

it. uh. didn't.

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

i was born in 23, which. is good. because if i found out i/my parents had eaten polluted food when i was a baby

shadowed-moonrise

colorjustice says that almost all unverifiable food was actually not polluted but

shadowed-moonrise

well maybe if i payed them enough i could go through the like fucking six month cleaning process? and maybe after that it would be okay?

but im not sure it would be enough

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know what you mean

if i'd been a year younger and they'd told me it was clean i'd've believed them

if i'd been a year older i'd probably just have killed myself

flameofcertainty

one of my friends from the treatment program

uh

didn't make it

shadowed-moonrise

i had a friend in school

who was hyper, worse than me

way worse

shadowed-moonrise

he was *going to school* but just barely, he had to take a bunch of meds with a bunch of side effects to get out of the house at all

shadowed-moonrise

and he was a year older than me

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

so their class learned about the food crisis? and he left school that day like normal and he took the train home and he got in the shower with his clothes on and took all his meds at once

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

they told me he killed himself but nobody would *tell me why* because like i was hyper too and they were worried about copycat stuff

i stayed in touch with his mom, she told me later

she FOUND him

flameofcertainty

i'm so so sorry

shadowed-moonrise

that

shadowed-moonrise

i cant imagine

finding your dead child

it was pretty hard on me but she was really never the same

flameofcertainty

yeah

wow

that's

i don't really have words

:(

:( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

he was an only child

flameofcertainty

:(

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

i think they were sort of saving for another credit but they ended up spending a lot of money on like, building a room for him where he would feel clean, and stuff

and afterwards, it's not like she was going to have another kid after what happened

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

they wanted to take me out of class for the segment on the food crisis for, you know, obvious reasons, but that was winter when i was three and i’d already found out from like being online and reading stuff so i guessed what it was? and they freaked the fuck out when i was like “are you just worried about me finding out about the voan food crisis”

flameofcertainty

were they hoping to just ... pretend it never happened? forever?

it's not like it's easy not to learn about, if you use the internet

shadowed-moonrise

i guess i was going to Find Out When I Was Older

or something

shadowed-moonrise

i mean i understand the thinking there, like the last time was horrible and i could really just have found out later

shadowed-moonrise

the last time being my friend

flameofcertainty

yeah

i see where they were coming from

flameofcertainty

my school kept me out of class for anything pollution-related but obviously they weren't going to stop me from finding out about the food crisis

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah

i am so sorry you had to live through that

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

my parents thought about having me do online school while it was happening

shadowed-moonrise

it was like really really irresponsible to just tell my friend and i’m like not sure what happened there

flameofcertainty

i don't know

flameofcertainty

mesosensitives can be really bad at guessing what's going to hurt us

shadowed-moonrise

part of it is just that grey schools aren’t that well equipped for..... dealing with....... disability, i guess?

flameofcertainty

i had a classmate who thought it would help me not starve if she vividly described what it was like to eat polluted food

shadowed-moonrise

..........what

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i mean, i guess it’s good that they tried to help

but. WHAT

flameofcertainty

our teacher moved the seating chart so i wouldn't have to sit next to her

and gave me permission to not go to the cafeteria during lunch

but yeah, i am really not sure how she came to that conclusion

shadowed-moonrise

yeah wow

flameofcertainty

i guess if she thought i was going to starve to death unless she did something

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes i wish i could just live in a hyper colony

shadowed-moonrise

even though like i’m sort of a weird hyper? they might have called it sensitivity disorder nos if i didn’t take so many decontam showers for no reason

but it would still be BETTER

flameofcertainty

there would be a lot of nice things about that

on the other hand sometimes i hear about a hyper person thinking something is polluted and my brain decides 'oh, they must be right'

even though it was fine before

and i bet that would happen a lot more

shadowed-moonrise

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

if we all thought that the UNION of the things we thought were polluted were polluted.......

we would die very quickly, i guess

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

“oh this one guy (MADE UP) said water is polluted so uh goodbye cruel world i guess”

flameofcertainty

and even without that we'd need robots or something

to take care of garbage

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i think robots are more of a political problem than a technological one, maybe we could get away with “look we’re a hyper colony we can’t even TALK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD most days much less murder anybody”

flameofcertainty

i think it's like

flameofcertainty

if people spent a decade developing them then they'd have them

but they aren't mostly, because of the politics

shadowed-moonrise

right that makes sense

flameofcertainty

i'm fine with mesosensitives most days, but then *sometimes* it's like they decided to figure out how to be maximally terrible

shadowed-moonrise

honestly so many jobs should be automated not bc pollution but just bc they could be and those people could then do a more skilled job or live in the country and make art or whatever but we can’t build robots at all bc of the political thing

like assembly lines could go a lot more automated than they are and then we’d just be richer and fewer as a society

shadowed-moonrise

i feel very Solidarity with hypos but sometimes..... they too........ are the worst

maybe we could get nice hypos for our colony to take care of us

flameofcertainty

maybe

flameofcertainty

there are totally nice hypos but there are also hypos who do things like put untagged photos of pollution on the internet

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it really varies a lot

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes talking to hypos is calming bc mesos are like “but MY pollution instinct says this isn’t polluted” and that doesn’t help me at all but i have an amateur theologian hypo friend who can just talk me through the theological position and that helps a lot more

flameofcertainty

it's good that you have that

flameofcertainty

and we're not perfect either

there are hypersensitives who think orvaran system workers need to all be executed

or that if you don't do [insert absurdly specific thing here] you're not really hyper

flameofcertainty

like i can't handle being around mom but i don't want people to murder her

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i definitely like

think that there’s an objective position on pollution

shadowed-moonrise

and it’s probably not exactly the theological one but it’s closer to that than to my paranoia

shadowed-moonrise

and honestly like... i *get* it but it just takes an insane amount of arrogance to be like, “of all the billions and billions of people with pollution instincts, mine is the objective truth and everybody else, including an entire scientific field, is wrong”

flameofcertainty

mm

flameofcertainty

oh i also saw this one person saying everyone alive during the food crisis needed to be executed

that one was "fun"

shadowed-moonrise

oh my fucking

fuck that person so much

also how are they planning to run society after they’ve killed everyone over four???????

flameofcertainty

i don't know???

shadowed-moonrise

also i feel a lot of people with proposals involving doing lots of murder........... fail to account for the fact that corpses are polluted

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

anyways

how's life been

shadowed-moonrise

a WONDERFUL PRETTY NICE blue hired me and i might maybe have a crush

flameofcertainty

eeeee congratulations!

shadowed-moonrise

i don’t know how to approach this tho

“hey baby...... i would have sex with you for free (on a good day)”

flameofcertainty

uh

if they've hired you a couple times you could ask? or something?

flameofcertainty

i am kind of bad at relationship advice

shadowed-moonrise

yes i think that i will actually do is like

wait a while and see if he contacts me

and then maybe ask him out or something

flameofcertainty

good luck!!

shadowed-moonrise

how’ve you been

shadowed-moonrise

also, i saw you post an out of stock green and purple scarf and i could try to make you something like it

i can’t do literally that but i’m thinking like getting some white silk and waxing designs on it and then dyeing it one color and then drawing on the designs in the other

this might be totally the wrong way to go about it but it sounds fun

flameofcertainty

gosh, that's really nice of you

flameofcertainty

if you ended up doing this i'd have a couple of sensitivity-related materials requests but i don't think any of them would actually make the project impossible

shadowed-moonrise

i think that kind of project would be fun rn, what are your materials requests?

flameofcertainty

the main one is not from [link to list of countries that have done cleaning and integrated ex-reds]

or eles decontaminatable

*else

but i think that might mess up the dyes?

shadowed-moonrise

ok i can do that

yeah i think it’s probably easier to just buy from not those countries than to try to... decontaminate..... dyes

shadowed-moonrise

like most commercial clothes are decontaminatable and........ have colors but they know what they’re doing and i do not

flameofcertainty

yeah

uh

now i want to do something nice for you, help

shadowed-moonrise

umm i really like [space shoenberg], you could record yourself playing one of his pieces? although idk how much you can do that on just violin

flameofcertainty

i'll try my best

maybe i can find an arrangement or something

shadowed-moonrise

that’s so nice of you

you don’t have to, i’ll like, enjoy the project anyway

i’m not sure how to make green and purple work well as a color combo, do you mind if there’s other colors?