#<- for my personal tag system since i have a lot of thoughts abt the owadas

[rhaaclaws]

was thinking abt what Mondo's and Daiya's mom wouldve been like so here's their beautiful single butch mom Keiko Owada (大和田惠虎)

some thoughts or whatver under the cut

I chose the name Keiko w that kanji specifically since 惠 means "benefit, favor, kindness" and 虎 means "tiger, fierce, brave"

this is both to keep the tiger theme we see Mondo has and also bc I feel like she'd be a very tough love sort of parent, but still have both her sons' best interest at heart. they got their toughness from someone yk

I think it'd be fun to have her be a former sukeban, just to keep the gang theme going. I don't think she'd be much involved with the Crazy Diamonds but she found out very early and was like "well if youre going to start a gang, here's how you do it right. now don't get caught or youre in big fucking trouble"

Since Mondo never mentions his dad, I feel like its safe enough to assume that the guy is a deadbeat lol. but it got me thinking about how she probably got caught up with that guy when younger and felt imprisoned when she had Daiya, so when she eventually had Mondo she was tired of it and chose to raise them herself. She doesn't want either of them to go through the same thing, which is why freedom is such an important thing to all three of them

Keiko was more active with raising Daiya, but didn't get much of the same opportunity with Mondo since she had to constantly work to keep them afloat. Despite that, she still tried really hard to give them everything she could and make the most of the time she had with them

I think ill develop this more in another post but I think it'd be fucked if she gave her coat to Mondo so he's not too lonely at Hope's Peak. He altered it in remembrance of Daiya

This is a cutesy one but she gave them both good morning kissies every day. THOSE ARE HER BOYS !!!!

[leavingautumn13]

I SEE YOUR RB ABT ASKING ABT OCS SO I WILL ASK >:D

What’s the toughest case Nora ever took as a lawyer? Has she ever wanted to quit after defending someone bad/or losing as case on the offence?

What’s she proudest of? What‘s CONSTANTLY on her mind? Did her favourite sweater survive the bombs? What’s her opinion on Sentry Bots or Assaultrons? WHATS SHE THINK OF FATHER?? (and does she ever think about technically being the grandmother of all synths?)

Lots of questions but I am curious!

aaaa thank you! i'm always happy to talk about nora!! (i also talk a lot about her and do ask games and such over on my fanfic blog; here's her tag!) under the cut for length because i am longwinded

oh man, nora wants to quit being a lawyer all the time but sticks it out because she feels its a moral duty. if she wasn't a lawyer, i think she'd own a greenhouse or go to school for art history, but she really struggles with letting herself relax, or feeling like she's allowed to relax/do things she enjoys. i'm gonna keep a lid on the reason why, but it'll eventually get explained in this fic i'm writing. (which i am sooo close to posting chapter 1 of!)

nora most often wants to quit after losing defense cases. prison is a punishment and not rehabilitation, help with bad circumstances, etc, and since she's a public defender most of her clients are struggling poor folks who can't afford an expensive lawyer. she tries very hard to be a servant of the common people.

she actually did prosecution for a little while but quit because she didn't vibe with it at all. in my fic the prewar legal system is skewed heavily in favor of the prosecution, and juries are pressured to convict, even in cases where there's reasonable doubt, no motive, etc. nora doesn't like feeling like a weapon of the state used to punish its own people, so she walks away.

as for tough cases: i'm still ironing this out for the fic, but i wanted to expand on the corsino case mentioned in the scrapped sanctuary hills terminal. in the end, nora never gets to see it finished because of the war, and that weighs on her.

nora tries to be proud of making it through law school, because it was a struggle for her, but she has difficulty being proud of herself (her husband does a pretty good job of being proud for her, though). deacon talks her into being proud of the work she does for the railroad, even though it never feels like she's done enough.

unfortunately nora sometimes spirals in her thoughts, and one thing in particular is often on her mind: that she should have carried shaun that morning. fic snippet here, tw for graphic violence, suicidal ideation, and general bad brain stuff. she has a very unhealthy relationship with her perception of her actions that day, and it eats away at her.

her favorite sweater did not survive the bombs; none of her clothes or personal items did (save for the holotape from codsworth and her and her husband's wedding rings). she misses her wool peacoat immensely. mama murphy does knit her a grey sweater that she wears pretty frequently, though.

oh god, assaultrons and sentry bots both scare the hell out of her. her first gunshot wound is actually courtesy of a sentry bot she and her companions accidentally activated. she gets clipped in the upper arm and it leaves a nasty scar and puts her out of commission for a few weeks while it heals. [here's a fic snippet of just after she gets shot, and another where she's got cabin fever and disassembled nick's office (under the "anger" heading). tw for blood and injury in the first link!]

that obviously is a pretty awful first introduction to sentries. she tries very hard to avoid fighting them when possible. she feels the same about assaultrons. nora's main advantage in combat is her speed and stealthiness, and she really hates having to fight things that are faster than she is and can find her. (she likes kleo a lot, though, and considers her a friend.)

oh, father. god. okay he's a huge part of why i'm even writing this fic in the first place. nora genuinely loves him and tries her best to convince him to change his plans and... it doesn't work. she's just another experiment to him and whether he cares for her or is lying to string her along is unclear, but she loves him and so she can't let go. it's an emotionally abusive relationship on father's part, and part of nora recognizes this but... that's her baby, y'know? as awful as he is she can't help but love him.

how she resolves this is uh, spoilers, sorry. it's one of my favorite moments in the fic, though.

she soundly rejects the idea of being a grandparent to the synths. she does consider many of them family (danse, x6, and shaun in particular), but in a found-family way like she considers her postwar human friends family. i talk a little about it in this post, but to sum up, she thinks father's take on it is very paternalistic, especially given that he doesn't see synths as people. biological relation doesn't mean very much to her.

tysm for the ask!! <3 i could talk about her all day

[spaceratprodigy]

WIP Last-Line Tag ✏

Thank you for the tag @the-lastcall 💖💫

The last thing I wrote was a second draft to a prompt that was very personal to me. I haven't shared this lil short story yet because it's not ready or polished in any capacity and tbh I'm not sure if I ever wanna share the whole thing.

It's not really any secret that Captain Faith is quite literally just.. Me! But she is also a great source of comfort for me, an outlet, a way to not feel so lost or alone.. I don't really always like talking in depth abt my mental health or trauma so I won't get into so many details but this prompt specifically was my outlet for experiences with becoming so overwhelmed/overstimulated/etc that I become non-verbal and more specifically a time I was so distressed I began to panic and I couldn't see, hear, speak, breathe, and I just collapsed on the floor and remember my bf desperately trying to get me up and calm me down.

Not exactly a happy prompt but I find a lot of comfort in creating. This short story was purely for myself, purely just needing to get it out of my system, and just wanting to write a happier ending of knowing that sometimes there really are others out there that care about your wellbeing.

So without further ado, here are the actual last lines I wrote (scribbled furiously on this piece of paper is more like it, my goodness):

The realization of what Max just said finally hit her. Still feeling embarrassed with herself, she looked down and brought her fingers back up to the buttons.

[You really brought this just for me?] she typed.

Max felt a slight warmth in his cheeks. "Captain, your bag is always filled with things you can use to help us." He couldn't hold it in any longer. "I admire your care and dedication, but I am not fond of knowing how often you put yourself last."

There was a sternness in the Vicar's voice, one he had not shown her since the day they met.

"You isolate yourself, you bottle everything up, you don't allow yourself time to rest or grieve-"

Faith looked away from him. She hadn't realized how much concern she had been causing.

Max paused, then sighed deeply. Those last parts may not have been coming out sounding as composed as he'd have liked them to.

His voice calmed, but his eyes never left Faith. "I want you to take care of yourself and.." he started to pause again. Max was no stranger to talking, to listening to the troubles of others. When it came to Faith, however, he worried about saying the wrong thing.

"..I want to help if I can. That's why I've been packing my own bag with things I could use to help you."

Faith had tears welling in her eyes by this point. She's never known this kind of comfort. No one in her life has ever dedicated themselves to showing her this kind of generosity. Least of all she had no idea how much effort Vicar Max had been dedicating just to making sure she would be well taken care of in case something bad were to happen. Again.

Faith scooted herself just a little bit closer to Max.

He bent his head down closer to her ear and began to speak softly. "You're not alone anymore, Faith" he whispered. "You can always come talk to me if you need anything."

He never calls me by my name

She thought to herself, feeling her cheeks get hot.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes, listening to the breeze rustling the leaves. There was a great comfort in having a moment of peace. In having him next to her, refusing to leave her side.

Finally, she turned the datapad towards him again.

[Could you please keep talking to me?]

Faith could have sworn there was a hint of a smile on his face when he looked at her. His eyes and his voice softened.

"Of course, Captain."

[drawnaghht]

more thoughts on ship names (leosagi, sliderbunny, yuileo etc) - more is not bad

So I'd like to suggest a thought - multiple ship tags and names are not actually bad - it's more like a way of detecting what flavor the ship and resulting fanworks will be. let me explain more below. if this sounds a bit dated, that's because I wrote this back in january-march but noticed I hadn't archived it properly and that it needed a bit more writing to finish some thoughts so I'm posting this now, lest I forget it lol. maybe i have also already posted it before but... i cannot find this old version, so i guess not ^^;;

If you like the Yuichi x Leo ship, are annoyed at Leosagi being used as an umbrella term or are just curious abt another fan's thoughts on ship names, here-a we go. Some thoughts on the leosagi and leochi/leoichi ship names in general ^^ 

Some things are a bit more outdated: namely, transfem!12yuinardo has now been steadfastly used as a ship tag for transfem Yuichi x 12Leo, so kudos to that person! Thank you for making this unique tag more common!

resources used:

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Pairing_Name https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiosyncraticShipNaming

Anyway, more under cut.

so, being in the rottmnt fandom for a bit longer this time (or being longer in a tmnt phase this time) and browsing the leosagi and leochi tags since august last year... has made me realize again that I really enjoy/prefer genfic most times? i like writing romance, but I enjoy writing action a lot more + exploring character writing in general, so that’s probably what my own crossover works will try to feature more too now.

being in tmnt fandom longer this time around, I thought that it was nice ppl still remembered leosagi, but I didn't expect a "new" version of it. Now, seeing thru the history of it (the RabNerd video on Leosagi felt like a nice refresher on TMNT fandom history in general and it’s nice to listen to) and going thru the tumblr tag (that and ao3 being sorta the only reliable archives on fanwork, with the exception of authors deleting their own work and tumblrtags not working as expected at times/finding hidden stuff), I think it's good we have multiple tags. Now about the tag I made up in september, "yuinardo" (I believe I already made two tagging-related posts thinking abt this tag/name way back in autumn 2022)

this YuiNardo ship name was mostly made as a portmanteau to make tagging and finding easier - for the ship Yuichi x Rise!Leo bc I wanted to differentiate it from Leochi/Leoichi but also the old Leosagi ship, because to me that was a bit different. at first I thought people would use the numbering system (03 leosagi etc per tmnt series airing year), but I started to notice that there was a lot more fanon with the ship this time than before. So when Netflix suggested the show to me one august evening after seeing the Rise movie, I started watching the series proper out of curiosity. as I’ve written before in a few places publicly (i think), the series was a bit slow and boring for me at first. But as I kept watching, I suddenly saw where the writing was going and what interesting things about its characters it was telling us. I got invested in the series for it’s strong family themes and how it handled its characters and story arcs, but also the music was something holding it all together for me emotionally. So I became a genuine fan and started reading more of the original Usagi Yojimbo comic too

one commonality I saw in many fanworks is that Yuichi is often changed a lot to fit a fan's own idea of who he should be as a character in relation to Leo or the fan's own setting/AU. This is fairly normal in fandom in general, esp for smth like TMNT. After all, why not play around in the sandbox given by canon? I also noticed fanworks often ignore the canon or worldbuilding set in his own show, and even the other prominent SRTUC characters get ignored/rewritten more than not. Or people make their own new versions with the same name. Which is fine, fanon!Yuichi and other fanversions are interesting. I usually like seeing redesigns in other fandoms and here they are interesting too, but I actually like the character as he is! He's funny to see fail but also fun/funny to watch/listen in general, especially interacting with other characters, whether main cast or one-off characters. He's a blorbo for me now who has taken up permanent root in my fandom/artist brain. I felt like he'd be fun to write in a shipfic or genfic with Rise!Leo bc their personalities are both so similar and so different. They feel like a strangely matching set, despite the shows never having a crossover (and despite Yuichi technically being a whole new original character for the show from the crew to avoid messing up the og Usagi cast too much). I want to write some genfic and Chizu and Kitsune centric fic one day too if I got the time.

Now after becoming a fan though, it’s honestly a bit sad to see people eschew his personality and writing completely - it feels fine that other fans are making AU and fandesign versions based on him, but this just means that when I open the Yuichi Usagi tags or search - I only find these fan interpretations but no versions where another fan is also a fan of the series. Which isn’t to say, that there aren’t other fans posting fanart, but that it’s just a lot less common that people tagging him as “TMNT usagi” or “Rise Usagi” etc. Some fans have said this is disrespectful to Sakai and the Samurai Rabbit crew - some even go on to hate the character (???) which like - it’s a cartoon. why are you angry at it. And these are often the older fans who are around my age (30+) or older, who are fed up with the younger parts of fandom - which I kinda get. I’ve even seen people make stuff up about the series, but I’m not really interested in pursuing that further because you know what. People have grievances about fandom stuff all the time. It’s pointless and a little mindless sometimes. There are so many bigger problems going on in the world. Fandom is something we are all supposed to enjoy. So to argue with another fan - I don’t have the energy to do that anymore. I might correct factual errors here and there, because that feels like it can be a courtesy sometimes. But I’m not interested in laying down blame or building some sort of longer discussion around things that should be fun, if they’re not fun anymore. Honestly, it would be nice if for once, the older and younger parts of TMNT fandoms could respect each other and get along. Like I’m not feeling hopeless about that but it’s just annoying to come back every 5-8 years and see people fighting and arguing about similar things. But that’s another topic entirely. 

I don't honestly quite get the dislike of the character either, but I guess when I was younger, I would have been annoyed by a character like this too. (Foster’s Home comes to mind...where I hated Bloo because of his personality sdfsdfs but I was a very picky child with cartoons in generally)  Personally, to me it seems ppl ignore the show and its writing bc of various aspects: besides simple dislike, it's easy to look at a newer cartoon show in a surface-level way; many still have this stance on cartoons that a "dumb kids show" can't be interesting or have substance; the show falls into many concessions to fit what netflix ordered of the crew. + audience tastes have changed over time - and no, not even talking abt just spiderverse, tho thankfully that has changed what more "general" audiences expect of both an 3D, animated film and a superhero/action flick. (cinemas here even listed it as a 2D animated film a while ago lol. it's a complex bag of factors but audiences + specifically distributors/studios are becoming slowly more receptive to 2D animation again. slightly.)  

What may have been fun to see 10+ years ago for a 3D tv cartoon then, would not fly for viewers now. Even if we ignore internet-posting fans who do like it (who seem to be primarily teens and young adults up to age 24), and how popular the show was at it's premiere (3rd in the UK among kids?), there might be those in the target audience itself as well who do not like it for various reasons. Additionally, viewers are fickle about cartoons in general.  So there are probably many more reasons people have to dislike the character and show that are related to other things. Again, this is just how fandom sometimes works. I’ve been in a lot of other fandoms before where I’m the only one who likes canon or likes writing canon-adjacent, exploring theories in canon etc and this to me started to feel like a similar situation. So I understand when people say the SRTUC fandom is kind of non-existant, if so much of the “fan content” relies on a ship. But saying as someone whose seen sort of “worse” at least there are other people at all and the tags mostly have fanart/fic and not other kinds of stuff, like spam or worse.

Whatever us fans' view might be however, he is still a valid character in the Usagi-verse, AU or not. I've read and listened to interviews with both Stan Sakai and the show crew, and seen artist portfolios with work from the show. The overall experience on the creators' side seems to have been positive. That, and I primarily view the show as a sort of transmedia storytelling venue... almost. It never takes away from the og comic and it adds an interesting alternative future to it, similar to Space Usagi, but as a fun cartoon. It becomes a sort of "gateway tent" for Usagi media and kids who watch this might be inclined to open up the comics, rifle through their parents old books and discover the world of Usagi Yojimbo proper. Like the comic, it also becomes a vehicle for learning for those willing to look things up later after the show, i.e. the yokai lore, customs in modern japan etc. So to me, the show is a net positive and Yuichi Usagi an interesting take on a Usagi descendant. The show is also interesting for me for it's casting (all asian-american cast. hello???) and staff choices as it seemed that everyone was on board with anything Stan Sakai wanted +they tried to put Miyamoto Usagi into the series as much as they could despite Netflix giving them a full limit (or almost a no?) at first - but the series writers and artists included him in an interesting way. So to me the series is good and as a fan, I can see it have interesting crossovers (a lot of the crew also seemed to be big TMNT fans and big UY fans at the same time)

Yuichi is headstrong, openly friendly and impulsive, but also the only one who notices things "outside of the box" more often than the rest of his team. He relies almost entirely on his trained sword skills and complete chance to get out of almost any situations. Leo is sorta painted as a "team clown" and "team faceman", (s1) always trying to make things more lighthearted in stressful situations, which starts to contrast his more strategic nature as we go on in the series. He wonders why he's not trusted (s2) but the thing is, most times he does not tell them his plans, even if they work, so he's seen as impulsive. Together in any shipping or genfic scenarios, I feel like they would feed off each other's lighthearted natures and impulsive instincts, but also work well together bc of how many things they notice, but also, rabbit brain empty, and Leo would be more cautious. That was what I initially kind of imagined for them when I first watched through Samurai Rabbit.

I had a big "mega-crossover" fic idea back in august which would also feature the 03 ship Leosagi, where I could both have a tmnt crossover, write fun action-adventure with the TMNT + Usagi kids and write some sort of neat continuation to what 03 Leo and Usagi might have been going through in a 13-year timeskip. But for that, I thought the tagging would be easier with og tags vs just trying to number leosagi again. Since Rise started in 2018, we often tag it as TMNT 2018, but Usagi Chronicles aired in 2022, (even if production started in 2020) so any attempt to tag it as "2020s leosagi" has just left me more confused. So a unique tag was needed for my own tagging use. I’ve helped make some smoosh names before and this just seemed like a fun thing to do in a fandom I was sort of new to (the ship and SRTUC fandom)

Oh also, I read thru the fanlore article linked above on pairing name conventions and I had totally forgotten some of the ways to make ship names bc I've become so accustomed to portmanteaus and "_shipping" rather than x (used both in general ship names as well as slash pairings) + (preslash or platonic) or even / (slashfic) just bc those sort of conventional ways to tag are harder to find on tumblr bc of its tagging system (special characters make tagging unorganizable or harder to use)

+ I've been more active in modern fandom spaces for only 13+ years, while stuff like ff.net was maybe confusing to use as a young teen. So again, some pairing naming conventions have sorta escaped me over time lol. So it would be interesting to see what else people start to use for this newer ship of Yuichi x Rise!Leo 

Different kinds of names for one pairing are fairly common in any kind of fandom. Pokemon and YGO fandoms have put these on vote for example (thinking of doing this out of curiosity) but that would have to mean a more unified fandom I suppose? Having both a smoosh name (leosagi) and _shipping name (katanashipping) have stuck with the old ship and imo that should be respected because the ship conventions were there way before this newer ship or these newer series came about. I’ve seen many posts now where ppl complain about the tagging, especially the character tagging and the leosagi tag itself, because technically again, totally new ship. So to be a bit upset at that imo is totally understandable. imagine your favourite old ship you’ve been tagging the same is suddenly overtaken by a new, only vaguely related one? I also like the online shipping-related analogy: if you’re looking for a specific game in the store, why would a pair of shoes be tagged? or a different game? you’re only at the store for that one game, but now other stuff is being suggested to you because of other users’ tagging.

Considering those slash-ship naming conventions, I suppose I made the ship name to be more Yuichi-centric a bit - starts with his name, tho again, this was just one way to "flavor" the ship for me - but also specifically for the Yuichi we have on the show, because I enjoy the show and understand why Usagi is written the way he is on it. Mainly that he is given "annoying teen" traits to contrast the changes he goes through in the short time of the 2 seasons + he seems be written with intentional ADHD-coding. + I wanted something more lighthearted and funnier-sounding, so Nardo was added bc that is Leo's nickname on the Rise show that his family uses teasingly, mainly by Donnie. I thought that would make it unique. (And, this is more subtle, but I also thought it was more funny that Nardo sorta sounded like "Naruto" and that Usagi Chronicles has a few Naruto influences in its art and design, so, slightly matching in coincidence.) 

But also Yuinardo just sounds fun and easy to pronounce + I cannot find any other tags that it overlaps with. Main use for tags after all - easy to find and unique - which I think is why the og Leosagi tag prevailed among the other names that popped up back then when the Leosagi 2003 ship first became popular online. I have no idea however if there was a ship for this before this, since I never went looking really (and there weren't much leosagi fic on ff.net then to get any impression of previous fandom activity)

If you want to continue to use Leochi or Leoichi as a tag, that's still fine bc its a big tag and more popular for this ship. But if you also like the Samurai Rabbit show, feel free to use the Yuinardo tag as well, depending on the the use ^^

Going through the fanlore article, I also realized that hey, actually having multiple tags/names is normal in fandoms! It's to make searching/naming for different flavours of pairings easier. I forgor. Let me explain.

the Leosagi as well as the Leochi/Leoichi tags sorta blew up in august after the ROTTMNT movie bc of new or returning fans rediscovering an old ship that's been a constant since the 03 fandom. and ppl posted fanart of the two versions in the tags before this too, but there was a notable uptick in those new fans after august 2022. I think when Samurai Rabbit aired, ppl posted fanart then too. 

The SliderBunny tag existed already for people's own teen!Miyamoto Usagi x Rise!Leo versions and honestly, this could continue as an umbrella tag for any Rise!Leo x Usagi ships going forward, as "Rise Leosagi" has built up more as a tag. or "2018 Leosagi" whichever do you prefer

For 2003 Leosagi, Katanashipping exists bc it's unique to them (the katana-gifting scene in the 03 show) + it is a more specific name and tag, which helps to find it easier or make it more specific. + it just adds the extra flavor of knowing what went on between the two in the show. That was their last canon interaction as far as we know. 

I want to also add here that the 03 version of Miyamoto Usagi is specifically very different. I remember reading an article somewhere which mentioned that Stan Sakai had been a bit upset w the 03 team that they made Usagi so young and different from his comics. I'll repost/add the link another time, but the main point is that the 03 pairing/friendship is quite different from both the existing canon comics and the 12!tmnt iteration of their friendship.

someone pointed out that the yuinardo tag could be for the ship Yuichi Usagi x 12!Leonardo but I do not see it that way for the above reasons. But what could be the name for that then? That's for the shippers of that ship to decide. I've heard some variations of smashing the names together for this like Luichi and YuiLeo (I kinda like that 2nd one myself), but they both sound a bit too much like real names to be tags/ship names.

I do not know the Yuichi x 12Leo name, but I suppose it could follow common convention of adding 12 in front, since that has been done before for people's own versions of 12leosagi as well, so thir's world and see what happens! so it'll be interesting takes off more. There is potential for both angst and comedy in this one. 🤔 what people will start tagging this onnce coed be 12leochi or 12yuinardo maybe even. I do not see it honestly, but I also did not continue watching much of tmnt12 after season 3 bc it was hard to see Leo go through Stuff(tm) again and I did not like how the show approached writing its female characters. So I don't quite get the appeal, but I think if fans see opportunities to write it in interesting/fun ways, why not. I headcanon 12!Leo as a  transfem lesbian, and Yuichi reads slightly transmasc for me, so maybe that's why I don't quite see it bc my fanon ideas are a bit different for them ^^; + it feels like they are from different times from a "when it was made" perspective, the shows' vibes are different (12 is more horror-genre scifi a lot of times while SRTUC does not lean into its horror thematics as much as it could be the name for that then? That's for the shippers of that ship to decide. 

the transfem sapphic version I know one person calls Blue Sapphics, which is cute, but idk if there's a common name that every shipper uses? let me know in the reblogs or comments. 

anyway, larger point also; it's not so bad to have multiple tags (as long as you use them according to what's in the post) and multiple names - so that one tag (leosagi) doesn't have to do all the heavy-lifting and that fans who only want one flavor, can have that. tagging is more like a courtesy but it helps to make finding fanart/other fans of the same thing easier, but they often also follow what becomes commonly discussed and used among a fandom.

Sorry if this is super-duper long, I haven't been able to write normally since discovering the internet and that I could post on it and things just happen to get this long when I finally finish a writing ^^; 

crunches my brain a lil as I make this post bc i have other stuff cooking in my brain

[tokosyomaru]

›–✁-| sho / it+its nblw / 19

Welcome to my Danganronpa blog... 2!! Sparse reblogs as I haven't had a fixation on this series since like, early 2022. My main is @gemharvest and that is where I will like/ follow/ etc. from. Will probably reply from this blog since u can choose that now but if you get replies from my main that's still me !!

I probably wont tag anything super common within the series (minor gore (blood/ minor wounds), death, weapons, etc.) so be mindful of that when going through my blog. Anything a bit heavy like more graphic gore, child abuse, and etc. will get cw tags, though. Mutuals are free to request I tag something specific (if you only follow this blog but I follow back from main ur still a mutual 👍).

[carrd] + [art blog] + [youtube] |-✃-✁–‹

Fun DGRP interest trivia for those who wanna know:

Ultra Despair Girls is my favorite of the games, though that is definitely a subjective take and bc of some of the shit that goes on in there, I completely understand those who may dislike the game.

Trigger Happy Havoc (DR1) is probably my favorite of the main 3 games. The cast just clicks with me more and also it features my girlsssss Toko and Syo.

Still don't personally understand a lot of the hype around SDR2 I'M SORRY it just doesn't click with me as much. It's still super fun I'm just an outlier in it not being my favorite.

World's strongest Tokosyomaru soldier though I'm kinda on break rn with the fixation not being as hard. Fukawa system defender though I also fucking hate how they were written so I am defending them from the devs as well.

Favorite characters include Komaru Naegi, Toko and Syo Fukawa (those feel like "duh"s to me LOL), Makoto Naegi, Kyoko Kirigiri, Chihiro Fujisaki, Kazuichi Soda. Aaand I really liked Maki/ Tenko from nDRV3 but I'm going to be real it's been so long since I've thought about that since the ending of the game made me feel super sour so I'm going to have to get back to y'all on that one.

I also really enjoy seeing Naegiri, Sakuraoi, and Tenmiko stuff. Not super into much aside from my affinity for Tokosyomaru, though I appreciate p much any ship in this series as long as it's not the Fukawas and Byakuya (I'm a lot more chill abt that nowadays though it makes me super uncomf still, sorry).

Despite my interest in this series being pretty dormant, feel free to send me asks abt it!! I'd love to chat a bit even if it's not the current active interest. :)

I also love being given drawing prompts as long as when u send something in, you're aware I might sit on it a while before doing it & that I'm not actually obligated to do any requests and that they're more for me to doodle out if I get a good idea/ am really into the prompt.

[nanjokei]

all your sycophants telling you to be meaner, nah youre just an asshole. did you like. even read the post in the first place. bc it doesnt look like you did?? i get that it makes you feel cool and good abt yourself to mock other ppls thinking-out-loud type posts but you basically telling them to shut up and keep their thoughts out of The Pure And Perfect Tag™ and then go on to say "oh im autistic ive never gotten the chance to rly speak up and be mean so this feels good" like..... thats so painfully hypocritical. you should KNOW how it feels to be told "shut up no one cares" so why are you doing it to someone else? so im telling you to shut up. youre annoying and no one cares and you shouldnt use other people as punching bags. asshole

did you get it out of your system. that's great. i don't really feel like giving a benefit of the doubt response anymore given after the first ask you decided to go ballistic like this... like, not even being sassy, i could have just responded "are you mad" and published it. but i am a neurotic person who will respond even if it's not in the way i initially set out to. just for you.

just for transparency, here's the first ask i got last night:

hi. i think you are projecting a lot of feelings onto me that i did not express and stretching my original statements. which in some sense, some may see as understandable! i was being less than gentleman-ly! i don't know if this is the op messaging after i blocked them or a friend coming in to give me a piece of their mind, it does not matter. this is something i was gonna say even in the first ask: had i been approached for an apology, i probably would have caved and apologized, because i'm weak to that kind of thing. at the very least even if i didn't agree, i would have wholeheartedly apologized for any distress or trouble. this isn't bull or me trying to flatter my way out of a situation. the response i got— which a friend ended up reading, to be honest i just blocked right away— was thoroughly strange, something something apologizing and being like "idk tumblr tag etiquette" and choosing to delete the original post. which i would not know how to respond to. i'm not some kind of tag police or god of tumblr or whatever, so why apologize to me or delete the post. i am writing this response under the assumption that it could be someone else, but a hit dog will holler, in this one sentence i will address OP directly: that response was strange. had i read it, i would have either ignored it still or apologized, i have no idea, but initial my response really was "but i have no power over this person or anyone". i did not ask for you to clean up your contribution to a tag or police it. i simply stated my opinion on my blog when prompted by a third party expressedly out of earshot of the op. is that a morally correct thing? proooobably not. but it is the internet. "why are you, the person who got hated on, continuing the cycle of hate" type bs might as well be a self fulfilling prophecy. if you feel this way, why send me asks about it at all if you're gonna go ape over me not responding immediately? does it mean so much to you? go ahead and block. i do not argue with people online. but i'll respond because clearly you want one. not gonna prostrate myself before anyone, and respond just as coldly as you are painting me out to be. this is my special fanservice to you, since you wanted to believe that about me so badly.

>pure and perfect tag

i do not check tags for a reason. i checked it one time. i guess this implication comes off of what i said so i'll say it out clearly but i genuinely could care less past the initial pang of cringe what is in there. had nonnie not continued to converse with me i would have moved on ans forgotten about it. i am not a police or a militia. it means nothing to me most days if a tag is "good". who the hell cares. you are obsessing over my existence, my opinion and the weight of such a thing a bit too much over here.

>shut up no one cares

neeeever said this, and no one has ever said this to me. the story i recounted about being called toxic was in the youtube comments and was 5 years ago. no one told me "no one cares". it just hurt my ego. anyway, if someone cared so much to send two asks about it, then thank you. i really won't shut up.

>never got the chance to speak up and be mean

ok.

>my sycophants

it was one nonnie. are you obsessed with me or something? i am like one random ass blogger on a dying website. i do not have an army or cult of personality. i am just one guy.

>end of the ask

heard you loud and clear. thanks for the feedback, not gonna reflect on it much though. it was an asshole move. does it make me an asshole? yup.

it was catty and petty of me. i knew that much from the very first ask i answered. but op wasn't tagged, i didn't send anyone to them either, so i can only really think "what were you doing on my blog anyway". because yes, this is a blogging site, not a pvp site, i didn't engage with anyone to start fights. didn't bring op's name into it, didn't actively mock them (the comment about them not being special was ad hominem though i admit to that much. sorry.)

you cannot expect everyone to be 100% nice and handle people with kiddie gloves in their own blog space when they are not bringing you into it especially given i did not direct anyone to anyone's post.

had it been me i would have just blocked and moved on. pwease no steppy and all that. whoever sent op an ask about it to make them respond is kind of a drama obsessed weirdo lol. like i'm just saying. causing both me and op a headache. it did not have to shake out like this. neither of us were gonna engage with each other and everyone could have gone to sleep without any icky feelings. honestly, from my point of view, both of you are strange. wow, i am barely hiding who i think is behind this ask. but it really is addressed very generally.

don't send me another ask! i will just publish them with no response. this situation was entirely avoidable and i lament that you decided to both waste my time and your own with all this. just block me like i asked!

[purgemarchlockdown]

#on the topic of child abuse...#(just to clarify i dont care much what people ultimately vote and i personally dont vote im talking only about the reasoning/perception)#theres also an opinion that wishing for amane to be inno because she is an abused child is watering her down to “abused child”#and thus treating her unseriously and taking away her autonomy since shes no more than a “child” even when it comes to murder#(that could be done by her own choice)#i dont want to articulate my thoughts about this in-depth but i just dont think its the best approach to the topic of abused children#as op noted when it comes to amane people are trying to find more “free space” to think abt than with other prisoners#as if “abused child” case is too easy of a case and there needs to be something else#i dont think the debatable thing about amane is whether she did the murder out of her own will or not#and thus whether she should be judged as a murderer who acted on her own will the same as other murderers#what i mean is sadistic children whose actions are not always influenced by their environment exist and amane is just not portrayed as such#i think the debatable thing is that the cult's mindset is way too deep in her#there's “are we able to save her” question being raised really strongly#like does it really have a point to forgive or not forgive if we wont be able to influence her mindset in the slightest#at least with the milgram system#does it have a point if we can't do anything to help one of the most if not the most vulnerable person in here#so people are trying to find something else and in the end the topic of “abused child” gets put away whatsoever#also i said i dont really care abt voting but#“you did a bad thing and you wont get away easy with it just because of being a child” must be already what she hears in her family#its kind of a bunch of random thoughts but all in all#i don't like the way some people approach the topic of abuse just because “we need to think more in-depth”#seeing an abused child and thinking my fucking god its an abused child is not superficial @tsuwmya

These are Wonderful Tags and I love them dearly. As someone is mostly undecided at the moment but leaning Inno who has the personal opinion that in the Milgram System Amane Cannot Grow this a really good point! I have a lot of messy thoughts about how fandom spaces can Treat trauma and sensitive subject matter but that's a very good point there! The treatment of Amane's abuse like a superficial character trait and not something that's intertwined with her story and themes, or something that a lot of people have to deal with in the real world.

I assume that's because Amane's abuse is "obvious" in the sense that we see it happening, you don't have to look far to understand vaguely what's happening. So it gets pushed aside. Though that gets into my personal feelings about theroysides of fandom as a whole and that's a lot so-

Honestly on the "are we able to save her" the question also feels couched in the question of "is it worth trying to save her even if all the options are bad" most likely if Amane gets released she goes back to the cult and I doubt anyone wants that for her. It's possible that guilty just seems the more merciful option. I personally think we gotta let her out, deciding that since we can't help her so she shouldn't be let out just sounds wrong to me. I think Amane should be atleast be given the opportunity to try to live, even if her situation fucking sucks. I want to believe Amane will eventually make it out and I don't think the mindset is too deep inside her, I have, so many notes of just scenes and moments that show that Amane isn't in fact stuck forever there.

So, I've seen the new Amane gifs and-

Spoilers under the cut.

Big sister Shion, I think you misplaced your taser-

Again.

In all seriousness, I would like to discuss the second gif in this batch. Since at first glance, it looked like Amane arriving home to me. However, it could come off as an abduction. If she's leaving a public area or is in one. Something that's still a possibility given all the papers covering the door.

Unless, for some reason, Amane's family just hangs papers on the inside of their home door or own a business that does that. Either of these things could be the case. Since we see them working on a set in Magic, and they could put things up at home like this to remind them of certain things. That's not uncommon in familial residences, after all.

However, the papers and cards there looked to be put up for advertising purposes. Kind of like what one would see on a bulletin board just on the door. This is usually done on the front doors of businesses, which is why I said this makes it possible for this scene to be an abduction.

Now I do believe that Riyone, the one shown to use electricity on Amane in Magic, is more than likely her mother. However, I also believe her parents are more than likely divorced, and her mother was using the pilgrimage thing to kill two birds with one stone.

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Kazui: It’s only me now.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

By explaining away her father's sudden absence and displaying to Amane that her father believes in this too. This would motivate Amane to take these teachings more seriously because, as we have been shown over and over again, Amane has great respect, admiration, and love for her father.

Q.02 Who do you look up to?

Kazui: You won’t know them even if I say, but I have a childhood friend I really respect. Sorry for just answering someone from my personal life.

Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him.

So, if she was led to believe that her father followed these teachings as well she would try harder to be a good girl in order to,

A. Make her dad proud.

B. Be like her father.

C. Possibly see him if she's good enough.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Kazui: They won’t see me anymore.

Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

Japan favors leaving the kid with the parent, which will cause the least change in the child's life. So, they tend to give custody to the parent the child is living with at the time. This is why it's become common for parents who are about to divorce their spouse to either kick the other out of the home or move without notice taking the kid(s) with them and then get a divorce.

"Parents secretly moving out and taking children with them isn’t unheard of-in fact, it’s often viewed in Japan as justified, in part because of instances where domestic violence is alleged. Such unilateral separations are legal in Japan, but if the other parent attempts to take the child back, that can be considered an illegal removal."

This would explain why Kazui and Amane were paired together as their stories may heavily involve highlighting the failings of the divorce system.

If Amane's mother did do this, then her father wouldn't have any legal right to see Amane, and her mom could just come up with any excuse for his absence she wanted. Something that divorced parents tend to do anyhow even when not given such beneficial circumstances to do it under.

"Each year, divorce affects roughly 200,000 Japanese children, double that of 50 years ago in a country where the total number of minors has plummeted. Of children with divorced parents, 1 in 3 said they eventually lost all contact with the noncustodial parent, a 2021 government survey showed. Given the system’s winner-take-all approach, spousal battles have only intensified, escalating the economic and emotional damage." X

Overall, given what we know, Amane's situation is rather complicated. However, I find it very telling that a lot of people are willing to endanger/torment a child for the safety and comfort of a bunch of adults.

Simply because this is always how child abuse and neglect has been treated by society. Especially when done by a parent. The concept itself is so abhorrent and senseless that many would rather look away from the issue entirely than confront it. Even if they must shift the blame to the victim to do so.

It's easier to go,

"Well, that kid must have done something to get that response from their parent."

Objectively true statement. Something was done to cause this. That's simply how cause and effect work. However, that something can range from things as simple as helping another person in a way they deem unacceptable

or breathing wrong.

The victim undergoing familial abuse doesn't get to pick the struggle it fucking picks them. It's Monday and their primary caretaker had a bad day at work? Guess who's getting beat again. This may be the rest of their evening or week now. Aw shit- did they get a low grade on a test?

Hope they're ready to go to the quiet room or sit at a table for seven hours to be taught this from the beginning. Because they're making their parent(s) look bad. If only they were smarter and not a complete embarrassment, then they could be having fun right now.

20/06/18

Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this.

Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach.

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that.

Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

Ah, they managed to fix all those things; man, that's nice. Why do they always need something (clothes, food, water, etc)? Have they thought of their parent(s) needs lately? Recognized how hard their parent(s) are trying. They have it rather good, considering some kids are out there starving. How can they be so ungrateful?

Shifting the onus of blame onto the victim is quite literally a good way to make sure the bar is always moving, and success is unobtainable. This is literally the first thing abusive parents do. Make the abuse seem like the child's fault.

"Well, that was then - this is now. You don't have to keep behaving this way. You're in a safe environment."

An objectively true statement. However, that may not feel emotionally true due to how long the individual has been in an unsafe environment, the likelihood of them changing the behavior that they learned to cope with that immediately is pretty much nonexistent.

"If they were unhappy, they'd say something. It would show more they wouldn't be doing as good at school."

No, they wouldn't; depending on the severity and duration of the abuse.

Usually, the intention of child abusers, especially parents who abuse their children, is to not get caught. They will actively go out of their way to make it look like things are as good as possible. If the kid does or says something that contradicts that they'll just punish them. So, when well-meaning people go,

"Is something wrong?"

The first instinct for a child suffering under familial abuse may be to lie. Because if they don't, whoever they are talking to may discuss what they have told them with their caretaker leading to them getting in trouble again. Sometimes parents that partake in this type of behavior will even coach their kids when it comes to lying.

"How'd you get this?" - "Playing."

"Why did you miss so many days of school?" - "I caught a cold."

"Hey, do you like it at home?" - "Yep, my life is great. My parent(s) and I do (acceptable to mention hobby here) on these days. It's a lot of fun. Why do you ask?"

For children living under these sorts of conditions every waking moment is a fucking balancing act. They either say the right thing or get in trouble because at the end of the day they're going to have to go back home. So, children living under these sorts of conditions are well aware of what happens if they act a certain way in public by the time they reach school age.

"I mean, it could be that... but it's best not to pry."

The quiet part out loud. People don't want to be bothered by it. It's uncomfortable and usually considered to not be the business of outside parties unless it's child services. So, people look the other way and get uncomfortable when it's even alluded to near them. They'll look at the kid and go well, that's bumming me out. Best to think about things that can be solved at the end of the day. I mean, that's their legal guardian. I can't tell someone else how to raise their kids.

That's just how a majority of people view child abuse/neglect. Because children are either a nice thing to have around, or a problem that should be ignored or handled. Everyone in Milgram outside of Amane has been given a good deal of the benefit of the doubt. Despite them all being older and just as capable of understanding their behavior along with the hurt it has caused while rationalizing why they did it as she is.

Amane is the only character in the series who has been treated with the scrutiny of an adult despite everything she's been through. To me, that's very fucked up. It's gotten to the point that I don't believe people even recognize they're doing it. They don't recognize they're justifying continuing to let a kid remain in an abusive environment because it makes their lives easier. Because then they'll be more comfortable.

Directly mirroring the way child abuse is pushed to the side and swept under the rug in the real world.

Because at the end of the day people only care about children when it's convenient for them. When it's easy to care, when the person they're protecting the kid from is someone they already dislike. People have no trouble pointing out these issues then. Because it's easy to talk about the pain of children or someone being younger when it helps others support or deny something they already feel a certain way about.

It's easy for one to conclude that what Futa did was wrong, that Mu, Yuno, or Haruka made a mistake because of their ages and upbringing. Yet when shown the horrendous treatment Amane has endured and her age being put on full display from the beginning... Somehow there's still room to dance around the idea of whether she should be Innocent (Forgiven) or not.

Despite being given the option to not continue to torment the youngest, most vulnerable, and consistently neglected person here, many can suddenly find a good deal of justifications to continue her punishment.

All I did was say a bad thing was wrong, how was I to know that was gonna to happen; what about what you're doing?

"Futa isn't sorry, he just doesn't want to get punished." A lot of people wanted to discuss remorse earlier and how Futa displays it. Yet, showing remorse isn't indicative of change. Plus, remorse and shame look a lot alike.

The most important thing with Futa is he not only recognized that what he did was wrong regardless of how he displays that- He, also took the necessary steps to change his behavior moving forward. In order to prevent what had happened before from happening again. He's actively attempted to show more concern for those younger than himself since entering Milgram.

Even though he isn't particularly good at communicating, he goes out of his way to attempt to check in on others and asks about them. Despite saying he can't afford to do that he's still done so. Even going to inquire about Haruka.

He can do that but despite seeing the consequences of our judgements, a lot of people are too comfortable with doubling down on some of the most disenfranchised characters within Milgram. Simply because the idea of that sort of person existing to some is a personal offense.

That's fine Milgram let's you vote on that alone after all. However, I definitely wouldn't like my name being used to excuse the mistreatment of others. So, instead of saying it's for another prisoner's sake how about we cut out the middleman and get straight to the point.

Some people within the fandom would be more comfortable with Milgram if Amane were restrained. It would give certain individuals a sense of peace of mind.

No matter how easily broken that will be by whatever prisoner decides to act up next during the intermission in response to their verdict.

Despite everyone in Milgram showing little or no fear of Amane and Mahiru literally saying this,

Q.13 What do you think of Amane?

Shidou: Us adults need to do something for her. I can’t do anything while looking after the injured right now so I have to leave it to someone else, which is bothering me.

Mahiru: I would’ve loved to play a lot with her if she was doing better.

So, it'd be nice if people stopped using Mahiru as an excuse to hurt another prisoner that she has admitted to liking numerous times.

Q.10 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with?

Kazui: Shidou-kun, Mikoto and me all smoke together, so I think we get along well.

Amane: If I had to pick someone, then Yuno-san and Mahiru-san.

Plus, this is simply rich; looking back on all these people discussing the safety and care of children to compare it to how they're acting now. Justifying continuing the mental suffering of a child simply because it appears narratively convenient to them. You're going to meta vote the kid twice, really? Okay, go ahead.

That's the sort of place Milgram is after all. A place that says children only matter when they can fit into the framing most convenient to the one speaking. It doesn't matter if Amane is tortured blatantly on screen, it doesn't matter if she's having a rough time. Because a bunch of people have already decided that coddling adults who should damn well be able to protect themselves is more important than a child's safety.

Not surprising or disappointing, that's just the natural way of things in society.

I mean you might as well, I don't know-

Ignore the consistent signs of familial abuse happening around her, ostracize her because the idea makes you uncomfortable, avoid her like a plague. Put her in the corner because children are meant to speak only when spoken to.

Oh...hm that sounds familiar-

Lol, fuck kids though am I right? The only time people decided to care about Satoko, and her lived experiences, was when she was a teenager. Maybe if Amane was a few years older, then her lived experiences would matter. For now, though, nah-

Moving on! I'd also like to discuss two other gifs; the close-up of the baton with rope attached and the attempted flag twirling. Given what we've seen I believe that Purge March will be retreading what we are shown in Magic except subtracting Amane's idealized view of things.

It was implied that this was her ideal at the end of Magic through this image-

A scene that brings to question all of the presentation of Magic. That made me wonder if this is how things went or just Amane's more idealized retelling.

Star pointed out the absence of anyone in front of the stage in her post Sunday. However, there's another thing that's odd. The thing we see before the credits roll isn't everyone standing together as they are in the end but Amane by herself brandishing her wand-

However, unlike when she first brandished it her chibi form her wand moves from her left hand to her right back to her left again before the fake credits role at the end of Magic.

This also happens directly after everyone just mysteriously disappears like right before this she was dancing with just Yuri and Riyone-

Since we noticeably see Yuri isn't holding anyone else's hand and Riyone doesn't seem to be either. So, where did Gachata and Gozake go? Then when they are back in the credits it's like this-

Instead of Amane being in between Yuri and Riyone like she was before she's between Gozake and Riyone.

Since she did this when no one else seemed to be present this could mean a variety of things. One that she may have used the wand more than once, two she did a routine of some sort which she just finished, or even denote handedness meaning her left hand is more than likely her dominant one.

Considering how her routine begins with the wand in her left hand and ends with it in her left hand. However, I don't know enough about baton twirling to say. Plus, every video I've found on it has emphasized starting with one's right hand regardless of dominance. So, this is odd.

(Star here! Given the religious aspects of Amane's circumstances, it could also be something to do with the stigma left-handed people have/had. They might have forced her to use her right hand for things. A prime example of this is the gif of her attempting to spin the flagpole. This could indicate that Amane was forced to use her right hand, resulting in a loss of motor skills you wouldn't get when using your dominant hand. Further backing this is the fact that in the close-up gif of Amane twirling the baton, she starts with her left hand and then transfers it to her right)

Adding to that in baton twirling people are specifically trained to use both hands and it's widely accepted that one is meant to start with the right. Though the baton is usually meant to be the length of one's dominant hand.

X

X

Video on Baton Measuring: X, X

Outside of giving us a possible idea on her handedness- This also adds more depth to this answer given by Amane in her first written interrogation-

Q.14 Do you listen to music?

Kazui: I guess I do from time to time. It’s all super old music though, so I don’t think you’ll know it.

Amane: I don’t particularly listen to it for fun.

Because if Amane is majorette which has been all but stated, she would listen to music predominantly to practice her routines. This would give more depth to her pairing with Kazui as well. Since they've both been heavily related to the performing arts in some way.

Baton Twirling routines: X, X, X, X, X

What Amane appeared to be doing in the new gif using the baton with the string: X

(What Amane appears to have attempted with the flag toss: X)

Back to how Purge March may be the same events just less idealized.

If you look at these frames-

Notice that the way the flagpole lands on Amane's head and how the impact affects her mirrors this scene of Gachata flicking her forehead.

(This time, it's Star typing something! Gunsli was busy for a bit so I was headed to write this up o7

Taking this and the gif of her desperately trying to make her way through the water to grab the flag in front of her, it's likely they are going to use the switch from flagpole to baton as an allegory. Specifically, to better illustrate the timeline of events/order of circumstances.

Though, to expand on this, the flag may also represent the idea of everyone living happily together that Amane refers to in Magic. The baton, however, represents the ideologies surrounding the cult her family is involved in. If this is true, then it could also be visual shorthand for the idea of Amane changing her priorities.)

With that I think we're done here. There's a lot of interesting things about Purge March and I think it's going to follow up on Magic well. It's making me more and more excited for Double. Milgram has been very hush-hush about Amane and Mikoto. So, their songs might just end up speaking more than any of the others so far.

[lawisnotmocked]

maybe the real misérables were the friends we made along the way 😌

[theloveinc]

this is v v random and you dont have to answer if you dont want to bc it IS personal, but i wanted to ask abt ur experience on wellbutrin? in terms of like, getting energy or feeling tired, sleepy? im worried about it making me sleepy/tired/brain fog (im 26 n BUSY as heck) again, dont have to answer at all, just asking bc i know youre quite open n honest on stuff so i thought id give it a shot and ask about your experience n like. ur pros & cons if thats okay. anyways thank u lub u legend bye <3

🥺Legend, of course u can ask!! I'm probably not the best choice, given I've only been on it since early June (and some people, much longer)... but honestly, in terms of brain fog and sleep... I have had almost literally NO issues and am all positive reviews here (...kinda).

One of the reasons I was prescribed it actually was for excessive sleepiness and brain fog (I get horrible, horrible brain fog normally and I have for years.)... and even though the results have been somewhat inconsistent since I've switched dosages like three times (and was off for a bit), literally it's helped SOOOOO much.

Obviously, people's reactions are going to be different, a moot (who I can tag but don't want to like... expose)(edit: @ace-of-books in the replies of this post!!!) on here told me Wellbutrin actually keeps her awake to the point where she needs mild sedatives to sleep... but I've honestly found I have no trouble actually going to sleep once I actually decide to (I like to use my phone in bed so I partially blame some sleep issues on that, but... you know) and waking up has gotten way, WAY easier.

(Also, with my new dosage, I take it twice a day and it's the NON-time release pills, and I've noticed that actually I haven't been as tired getting into bed usually... but someone told me this would go away once I fully adjusted AND I didn't have that problem on the time released capsules I took initially. Also it could just be that I've been taking a lot of naps at 8pm LMAOOO AND it doesn't actually bother me since the brain fog has been very reduced! *skips and jumps and claps feet together like a little leprechaun*🤩🤩🤩)

So yeah. More issues with... not being able to sleep than with being sleepy in the daytime. Thought when I was taking my more concentrated dose, if I had caffeine with it, things would get a little WoOoOooooOOOOooo funny🤡!!! at first.

As for cons... it's so funny because when I switched dosages the first time, I was like "omg these pills suck they stopped working after like, a month..." THAT WAS NOT TRUE LMAOOO. I HAD JUST GOTTEN USED TO THEM, and when I moved on to a higher dosage (150mg once a day to 150 TWICE a day🥶😨😱), I literally went insane (crying over mild inconveniences IN PUBLIC. I could think too hard and I would cry. Keep me awake over anxiety literally non-stop type insane).

And then, when I subsequently stopped taking them and it faded(?) from my system, it became very clear I actually was... worse off without them and I was extremely happy to go back on

I could always get used to it again, but right now I feel GREAT and literally kind of spring out of bed when I need to be up. No more lazing about waiting for my mind to work, it just does for the most part.

(Though I do get tired in the day because my schedule is awful, and also still crave sleeping a lot when I am in bed, it's just when I do wake + get up the adjustment period from sleepy time to being awake is almost... instant. So that, I would say, is fantastic).

ANYWHOOOO, this is kind of a long-winded answer that I answered sort of... backwards (talking about lack of sleep vs. excessive sleep), but... my experience has been so positive, even despite the dosage changes and the fact that it obviously hasn't cured my depression entirely. I just haven't had any issues with it making me tired at all, and it's FIXED my brainfog, which I guess is the answer to your question!

BUT, and I'm just gonna say this for legal reasons cuz I'm sure you already know, talk to your doctor/a medical professional first before making any decisions! Don't base taking it entirely off of ME because I also know people who experienced nothing positive on Wellbutrin at all. Not me, tho. But that can be common.

Thanks for reading this all (and being sooo sweet I lub you too + am kissing you), if you did! And no worries if you didn't, but good luck with whatever ends up happening!💕💕💕

[osdd-1bitch]

Promised ‘Mike scrolls tho the wonderland sys tags’ posts.

tw for ableism and some homophobia

*deep sigh*, to preface this long post, the wonderland system is/was a a system on tiktok who doesnt fit many peoples preconceived notions on what a DID system looks like. they have a lot of alters, nonhuman alters, a big headspace ect. so a bunch of very uneducated singlets, ableist people, and the rest dogpiled them. i mean literally making wikis and collaborative google documents about them. its incredibly weird and gross and there are a lot of deeply misinformed tiktoks on that tag im gonna give my thoughts on here.

okay so. this is me just going thru vids and talking abt them if i see one i think i could comment on but its mostly singlets asking basic questions or making fun of things we've known abt the disorder since the 90s and just..i dont recommend looking into it on your own. singlets please do basic research challenge i am so so tired.

shoutout to those ppl in this tag calling out the misinfo and blatent ableism yall are wonderful .

clarifications before we start:

1) even if these are purely jokes they arent funny and are mocking aspects of a stigmatized disorder/sowing doubt in completely possible things. ik you didnt even google DID/OSDD-1 before making your tiktok and i dont really care, that is entirely on you. and also its just ableism and annoying, yall are harassing and making whole wikis about a teenager its gross. yall literally brought kalvin garrah back to have cringe takes on DID/OSDD-1 if anyone is harming this community its you guys. and also the mocking of other disorders and disabilities? mm no.

2) i am not gonna be linking or saying any names. i dont condone these tiktokers being harassed no matter how sht they are acting, kindly dont go out of your way to spread hate or send messages or whatever but spreading actual info is appreciated.

3) if you have been harassing the wonderlandsystem kindly unfollow and block us. yall are gross.

4) im not gonna b talking abt the wonderland system directly, just the ppl talking abt them dont come at me w 'well they did (x)' i really dont care and it doesnt change the ableism towards them which is unacceptable.

-Mike/Author (he/him)

cw for general ableism / homophobia ect

--------

1) 'hospitals? so they have schools? and all the history that happened to make hospitals? and-'

omg you have a human alter? so you have all the billions of years of history in your headspace to make humans evolve and exist in the first place?

no. the brain can take in things from outside. this take is so incredibly asinine i dont understand how people are unironically asking this bc this could apply to literally anything bc...we as a species, and this planet all has billions of years of history. you dont need to review literally every second of history to have a alter thats a human or DID wouldnt form...literally what do you meannnn

2) 'how do the nonhuman alters know how to use tiktok??'

alters can....learn things. and talk to people. and they have a human body. nonhuman alters can be perfectly capable of learning how to function in a human body. they arent static entities. thats like asking how a 60 year old knows how to use tiktok. they have hands and and a brain people.

3) 'lol (x) species of alter??'

yes. why not.

4) '(making fun of alters having different opinions)'

they have...different personalities...and memories...and everything....why is this not allowed if they can have different accents??? yes some alters have sht opinions some ppl have sht opinions why is this funny to you.

5) 'alter is (age)!11!'

and?

6) 'they have 272 alters!!'

there have been recorded cases of more. there is literally a term for having lots of alters (and other symptoms associated) called 'polyfragmented'. also, there are people citing psychologists, to those, do they specialize in DID/OSDD-1? secondly, with the years of medical malpractice and the extremely outdated views from some of these people (many who dont even think DID/OSDD-1 exists), have any proof these people are knowledgeable on larger systems or any reason their opinion is valid?

there is no limit to how many alters/sysmates a system can have and there is no reason to make one up.

7) 'alters dating!1!'

why not.

8) 'thats inc3st11!!'

no.

9) 'DID/OSDD-1 is so rare, professionals cant agree it exists!!!'

professionals have argued if literally any disorder ever has existed. ive met a therapist who told me that nonverbal people were liars and faking. literally everything even depression has people who should be educated acting real weird that isnt proof.

also DID alone: 1-3% and its highly misdxed and probably under dxed. excluding all the other forms of OSDD-1, so disordered systems are a lot more common.

also tiktok has....an algorithm. there have been huge plural communities since forever. we have cons and meetings. what.

10) 'can the nonhuman alters/littles do (basic task)?'

maybe and maybe not. why are you so interested, and why are you laughing anyways? 'haha 3 year old alter doesnt know how to drive' why is this funny.

11) 'haha (situation) but its (alter)'s turn to front'

i dont understand why a system allowing its alters to express themselves and use the body is so funny to you? haha they have a healthy dynamic and can agree with each other on something that works?

12) 'trauma has to be rlly bad to have nonhuman alters1!!1'

no. being dehumanized in any way, or believing something nonhuman can help in some way can cause a nonhuman alter to form.

13) 'you have to be really traumatized to have a big system!1!'

okay then why are you harassing them. also big systems are a thing...and have been a thing. some systems are more prone to splitting for various reasons. calm down. or can people w ptsd not use the internet?

14) 'haha an alter is a skeleton'

considering how these people are the same ones saying you need a ton of trauma for any nonhuman alter the only reason in their minds for a skeleton would be d3@th related trauma that is incredibly extreme and nothing else. im not sure how that works well you are simultaneously making fun of the fact of forming an alter around that exact scenario/how that alter could act. make it make sense.

15) 'haha gatekeeper doing their job'

what. huh? i literally do not understand this. you do know thats what...gatekeepers do, correct?

16) 'they are queer, and have a lot of makeup and stuff'

queer kids tend to go through trauma my guy bc of homophobic ppl and stuff. also traumatized ppl tend to enjoy not looking the way they did well being absed. and it looks nice? we arent allowed to have aesthetics or look nice?

also @ that one guy who called it a 'symptom of did' fck you personally that wasnt a genuine question and was incredibly rude, both to queer people, and to systems, and we are both aware of that.

17) 'haha google doc haha discord server haha wiki'

why are you ppl so invested? but okay

18) '(actually informative video)'

thank you yall are the only good thing in this tag

19) 'they went private11!!1'

yeah probably bc of harrasment by dipshts like you?

20) 'alters can marry? this implies they have a chu-'

first response. also you dont need a specific couples therapist to help in a married relationship, they can just get a outside therapist or solve it internally and ig get divorced. they dont need a court or whatever bc its internal aaaaa please think for five seconds im begging you

21) 'how do they get food is the island self sustaining'

ah yes, my mentally constructed island must follow real world physics and our societies constructed rules of money and trading routes. there is no other option for my completely mental headspace to follow./sarc

no. what? no.

22) '(hunger games)'

you people are weird af seriously. like /gen this is weird, kindly leave them tf alone.

23) 'bc (alter) is rightwing, that means there is internal racism in the headspace'

no. alters can...interact...and have opinions....on the outside world....the leap of logic here

24) '(alter) is (big number) age!1! so that must correlate to real world experiences/history'

no. why.

25) '21 pilots bad'

this is such a strange tiktok to me. have we not grown past this age of cringe culture? 'haha band is liked by teen girls? bad.' that is literally the extent of your logic. why post this?

26) 'haha innerworld big'

why...not. why is there a size limit? whats the logic here? does it have to be a empty plane with two chairs? are systems not allowed to have nice things or anything at all? genuinely whats the logic here.

27) 'haha neopronouns'

yall are still crying abt neos??? damn i thought we were over this. outdated.

28) 'is (real world person/event/thing) real in the headspace? i need to know'

one, why do you need to know. two, maybe? considering the tiktok in question, probably not. why do you all assume the mental construct of the headspace has to follow real world logic? do yall think they straight up jump into a portal into another dimension with irl physics and sht for a innerworld. what.

29) 'they split so many alters in this one year!'

yeah...that can happen. traumatic times means...more splits....alters can split in groups. wat.

30) 'alters are only formed w extreme trauma!'

no. big or small t trauma or even stress can cause splits, especially in larger/polyfragmented systems who tend to be more prone to split in the first place.

31) 'they all have the same speech patterns!!'

masking. scripts. whatever.

32) 'my psych parent says (x)'

and. there are psychs who dont think DID exists period. there are some still preaching 'silo' theory to systems. bad professionals are a dime a dozen in DID related fields all you are doing is making me think your parent is sht at their job

33) 'haha what if they switched in a bad situation'

yes...this is one of the many drawbacks of the disorder that can make life very hard to handle? excuse me? what?

34) 'haha do you think any alters like (x)? if so, how does (x) exist?'

alters can front. they can front.

---

anyways thats enough for me at this point. i might comment on the general ableism and general gross sht in this tag and how this system is just being used as an excuse to be horrible and how weird yall are acting well dogpiling this teenager but yeah.

[kristalpepsi]

Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise) 

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

  Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely.  I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard​)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

[minmincals]

kinda wanna do this i hope i won't forget abt it

Day 1: 165cm 47kg,, ion do other measurements

Day 2: i'm as already mentioned 165cm and ngl i'd like to grow a lil but i'm also not gonna cry if i didn't

Day 3: i dont have a specific one but thigh gaps🗣🗣🗣

Day 4: im afraid i might become too skinny to look good dancing

Day 5: because i hate the way my body looks esp my thighs i can only wear loose pants or skirts, whenever i wear leggings to dance class i have to wear a big tshirt or hoodie to cover them bc it looks weird otherwise

Day 6: yes i do theres a lot of times where im feeling empty but like emotionally n not physically and so i-

Day 7: idk tbh ion talk to them

Day 8: i have none im lying in bed all day

Day 9: often enough, even now they dont stfu abt it

Day 10: uhm idk

Day 11: don't have one

Day 12: small portion of anything my parents cook for lunch and whatever tf i feel like snacking on till evening

Day 13: i have an eating disorder. healthier than before tho im rarely purging

Day 14: my ugw is 40kgs and im expecting to reach it by graduation if possible,, so 1¼yrs left

Day 15: i would def want to turn vegan but my parents don't want me to🤪 i've cut out red meat tho and tbh i feel sm better since i did and i have sm less to binge on since my fam are red meat lovers and so i did lose weight by cutting that out.

Day 16: somewhere in 6th grade

Day 17: yes🥳

Day 18: cakes, fruit, or anything with sesame seeds

Day 19: its been quite a while idk maybe 2-3 months ago

Day 20: don't have one since i didnt get to try many

Day 21: i could easily fit xs but i prefer s and m unless it's skirts

Day 22: lw was 42,9kg i gained bc my digestive system was fucked from all the purging and if i didnt purge id gain like rly fast but i didnt have the energy to purge anymore so that stressed me out which then led to a binge cycle and boom i gained double of what i lost

Day 23: not really until i found those diet/fitness youtubers which motivated me to work on it

Day 24: the meaning's all twisted and ppl still argue abt it but im just seeing it as a tag where i can get motivation for myself idk

Day 25: countless times, i read it was hard to purge first time and so i was worried i might take a while and everyone in the house would hear but then i thought fuck it and went for it n it actually wasnt bad---

Day26: seeing the number and also the way i might look at that weight

Day 27: i either binge or it makes me sick just looking at it

Day 28: i absolutely do simply bc that means i have worked hard enough and also my thighs wont touch anymore which is >>>>>

Day 29: beauty is whatever u decide it to be for yourself

Day 30: 46,9kg still the same height

1) i love to dance

2) im ace

3) i love hugs and holding hands n all that stuff but my brain decides who im comfortable with doing that (bitch is very selective) and often its ppl that i'll never be close with and it makes me sad

4) im a math enjoyer and proud

5) i love riddles and figuring stuff out on my own

6) i play genshin and im a kazuha main

7) im into kpop and my ult group is onf

8) i have a hard time telling apart romantic and platonic so its always nice if the other person makes clear where we stand

9) i have ednos, 100% pain and suffering, 0% weightloss

10) im nonbinary

[ahardisons]

Ah yes I see and like your interpretation of Hardison’s overcompensation too (mine may have too much projection lol). I don’t know if I agree that the show “did Hardison dirty” but I also don’t know if that’s an Internet phrase that has a special meaning I don’t know!

I guess most of his backstory was focused on his Nana and the foster system but I wish we had a Significant Person from his post show up like for the others. (But hey! Breanna may help with more backstory and such in the revival!!)

I think I really just disagreed with the implication that those two episodes were bad characterization for him/didn’t fit his characterization because I liked how they extended (the ice man job more so than the gold digger job though, I think the gold digger job would have been better if it was pulled back a season or two). But re-reading your post/tags I’m not sure you actually said the episodes were bad characterizations and I may just be reading too much into it!

(As to Nate (disclaimer that I actually like him to a degree just not as much as the others but I don’t hate him as much as some) I think he kinda does that with the whole team but only with their skill set. The problem is he’s mentally defined Hardison’s skill set as “everything” which while complimentary would also be very stressful for him)

(Also about Parker tipping: I know right!! She was so separated from “normal” for so long that I can see her just not realizing things like this. Sort of like how in that one episode she seemed so surprised and sad that the man’s debt was from oncology (and then deleted it). She has all the compassion but not all the knowledge needed to apply it)

TBH a part of fan analyses is projection bc it colors each of our perceptions a little bit differently! this is why i love discourse bc as much as i love to defend my opinion, it’s just that: an opinion. and i also find that putting myself in someone else’s shoes is a great way of either confirming or editing my own thoughts so thank you for sharing your thoughts tbh

I AM ALSO HOPING FOR BREANNA TO FILL IN A LITTLE MORE ABT HARDISON but i also don’t want her to fall into the trap of being a tool to fill in hardison’s story line, you feel me? like i don’t want her AND hardison to both have the pitfall of having undeveloped backgrounds lmao

and i may have said bad characterizations i think? tbh i should read through those again and edit for clarity but anyway rather, i think it’s more apt to say inconsistent characterizations rather than Bad. bc hardison is still, for the most part, hardison. there’s just inconsistencies (in my eyes at least) that don’t make sense since they’re characteristics that seem to only show up in those episodes! i think i need to sit down and force myself through those episodes a few more times to really put my thoughts into words BUT YEAH - not necessarily bad, just very inconsistent and Weird to me.

YOUR PARKER COMMENTS KILL ME I LOVE IT SO MUCH ITS SO SO SO TRUE, like she was under socialized as a child bc of what her past in the system and what archie did to her and if you’re raised up AS a thief, there’s not a lot of time to teach morals or compassion in a morally dubious field like thievery. like she didn’t really even know WHY she was stealing only that it gained her money and it was fun to solve problems. it’s just like sophie realizing that stealing art still had a seedy underground that got people hurt despite it not being like eliot’s job where he was doing the hurting you know? once they both looked past the immediate gratification of the Self they realized that they could do something to help others.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

oh yeah his core is still there, but in the 100th i think there is no way that being good would equate to tesilid being true to himself, bc that would be betraying the truth that he'd lived for the past 1000+ years - that being good was thankless and only brought him pain and betrayal. at least he got all this out his system by the 117th! (ignoring the shape he was in when he emerged from that)

i think one thing rly fascinating abt Reed in the village was that he didn't force the villagers to sacrifice someone. the truly sadistic villain move would have been to egg them into turning on each other and picking someone, and then watching the despair in their eyes as he kills all of them anyway. but he lost interest the instant he saw that no one would sacrifice themselves, and didn't milk the sadism out of the situation. idk i think it says something about his priorities. or maybe he just didn't have time to play with them for that long.

(tags from my prev rb:)

tbh idk if hearthfenrir might be willing to take that political suicide in the previous rounds by sheltering tesilid. im keeping in mind that the hearthfenrir we've seen so far is hearthfenrir the grandpa, and not hearthfenrir the duke. it's a given that heartfenrir would happily move mountains for ailette, since for so long he thought he'd lost his daughter. and anyway it's ailette's birthright to take advantage of all the duchy has to offer her anyway.

in this round hearthfenrir obviously loves tesilid, but that's because he sees tesilid as his grandson-in-law already. his aide did mention that hearthfenrir is a very amiacable grandpa, but we also know that he's capable of being very strict and heartless (in the past, to Elthea). Maybe he's mellowed out already (especially since it must've been 30-40 years), but he's still capable of it.

And taking the Duchy's political relations into account: both Hearthfenrir and his aide seem estatic to have Ailette set up her parish there, which means that they don't have a church not because they don't want to, but because the Vatican doesn't. The aide also seems pretty sincere in asking Ailette for her blessings for the family, even sharing personal information, which means that at least the elite within the duchy genuinely believe in the religion. In all likelihood, they've been trying to appeal to the Vatican for some time already but have been unsuccessful. I think it would take a lot for them to trash whatever progress they'd made so far by taking Tesilid in, especially if Tesilid is going to just meekly get kidnapped again, as he seems prone to be doing. But also maybe in a world where grandpa didn't get converted (since Ailette doesn't exist), the Heartfenrirs wouldn't care about the Vatican idk.

either way it rly does boil down to Tesilid being a pushover tho lol. I don't think he'll let himself ask for help, and even if he does get help he might not stand his ground when the Vatican inevitably tries to kidnap him back.

and also maybe Tesilid doesn't want to ask for help bc he's already been betrayed so many times.............................. really makes me wonder how the Saintess managed to win him over and join his team when he was already so jaded by the 80+th round. Maybe just by the sheer practical utility of her healing skills, and then her personality after.

thinking about reed's worldview & morality makes me feel sooo insane this guy contains such multitudes it's crazy

(major spoilers for reed's backstory)

like i mean when you take into account all of tesilid's timelines you see him at his lowest and then get up from it and you realise that hey his lowest was pretty low but it really is so far from his default. he did commit atrocities but like it's not an inherent part of him. when he decided comitting atrocities wasn't worth it anymore he did just stop, because being evil wasn't really very important to him anyway.

my read on reed's motivation is that it's not really about him being evil and wanting to cause pain, but a desperate attempt to save himself. i don't really see all his mass murdering as him being inherently evil tbh because like. he had saved the world 8+ times and all of that reset. what is the worth of other people's lives, when any joy they experience, any pain they felt, would no longer exist except for in his memories? i think to reed, every other person becomes like a video game character. it's perhaps disturbing but the immorality of killing them is a little suspect because death and suffering doesn't even have long-term consequences for said person anyway. reed causing some massive destruction is just... morbid entertainment? reed certainly smiles (smirks) more than he ever does as tesilid. glad he's having fun(?). like everyone in the timeline is going to die anyway according to his plans, and they and anyone else who lived didn't have a future even if he did fail, so what does it matter if they died now or not.

but even after he's become uncorrupted tesilid again, it's still clear that he remains angry and vengeful. he chokes and scares the bandit leadee Just Because. The bandit leader in this timeline doesn't even know what tesilid is taking revenge for, so all that scaring is really just for tesilid's own satisfaction. Scaring the hell out of the bandit leader is important enough to tesilid that he risks ailette seeing this happen if she just turned around a little early. And in the pandora's box dungeon, he lied to the order of light pillars about having lost his memories about the sculptor's atelier, but "don't worry my memories are coming back!" There's literally no reason for him to lie in this particular way, if not to see them squirm. and he purposely leaves them with ailette, whom he knows will beat them black and blue for him. he's still going to sacrifice himself for others and put himself in danger, but he's not above some schadenfreude and taking delight in the pain of those who'd wronged him, he's not some saint.

he's still angry and vengeful but even as readers we rarely get to see this side of him, because there are things more important to him than revenge. And doesn't that say something about his capacity to love and to be good. Even after hitting the lowest of low, he still picks himself up. He cares about Ailette's safety so much and tries to get along with her family. I kind of wonder if he woke up and went yeah that "destroy everything" plan was kind of whatever let's try something else this time, and picked up his moral compass where he dropped it under the kitchen counter. his attitude to cardinal cartelyena dooming him to a really terribad punishment is really just "yah i was objectively bad so i don't even hold anything against you lol".

like. shakes him up and down. the way he decides to mass murder and then some time after goes actually you know what sorry god that wasn't very nice of me i think i'll be good this time and he genuinely means it. it's so funny he has such a range and it doesn't compromise the integrity of his character at all, his core still feels the same. do you get me. like he's always been intrinsically inclined towards doing good and he has a great deal of patience, but he can also snap and be angry and decide to just be evil but it also doesnt make his inclinations towards goodness any less real you know what i mean.

also he's so good at lying that it's funny. he's lying all the time and no one even questions it, because why would he lie? he's the pushover doormat who always sacrifices himself for others. the only way you would know that he's lying was if you already somehow knew the truth. and you sure as hell aren't getting it out of him. honesty being a virtue (generally speaking) and he doesn't have an ounce of it. and none of the people in universe would even consider it.

edit: i realised that it's not really accurate to say that destroying the world wasn't that important to reed anyway, because reed did expressedly reject ailette because he was so hell-bent on destroying the world. ah well we all have times when we hit rock bottom and he sure hit at least 500km past that. whatever, the point is that he did that and then went oh whoops let's not do that this time and genuinely meant it. what a guy. i love all the character development he goes through. and the great changes he goes through doesn't feel contrived at all.

[illnessfaker]

do you have any resources on OSDD? like more in depth than just the diagnostic criteria, i'm very familiar with those, i guess more...people talking abt what it feels like? I have cptsd and I've been noticing things very similar to what you described in your post for a long time now. I thought I had DID for sure a while ago, but I was also actively manic/psychotic, so when that calmed down I assumed I had just been delusional. But the identity disturbances and dissociation persist. I don't think it's DID now it's osdd if it's anything but I'm wary of saying that for sure and rly would like some i guess more descriptive accounts of how symptoms are for someone with it. Sorry if this is a lot/you don't have anything of that nature, I'm glad to hear you're figuring out your own multiplicity and hope the understanding helps you in your healing process!

firstly, thank you for your kind words 😊

@/this-is-not-dissociative has a lot of info about did/osdd-1 (and other dissociative stuff) as well as having did/osdd-1 vs. dissociation in bpd/cptsd - though it's possible to have did/osdd-1 and bpd/cptsd of course - and did-research.org talks about osdd-1 a little bit (especially vs. having full-blown did). these are probably the best resources i can point you towards even though they don't contain many personal accounts. the first blog is staunchly against self-dx iirc and there's a lot of "you should speak to a professional about this" but u know how it is (at the very least they provide a lot of info and resources on how to go about doing that, it seems.)

some posts in particular that may be informative/helpful to you (there are probably many reasons to dislike this blog but it's what i've found most informative so yeah):

anp and ep, + an explanation of structural dissociation and how it models ptsd, cptsd, bpd, osdd-1, and did.

anp and avoiding trauma

an example of did vs. osdd-1

parts in bpd/cptsd vs. osdd-1

parts in cptsd vs. osdd-1 (this mod "kevin" has osdd-1, by the way)

parts vs. fragments vs. alters

alters not being easy to recognize

identity confusion vs. identity alteration

( read-more bc this got long despite it being past my bedtime lmao )

the problem w personal accounts of stuff and did/osdd-1 is presentations of these diagnoes will differ from person to person, sometimes greatly. contrary to media depiction they're also covert disorders by nature - they're psychological coping mechanisms for intense distress, and part of those coping mechanisms is being ignorant to the fact that your sense of self is fragmented / there are parts of your sense of self that are attached to trauma. i know of several folks who were initially diagnosed with osdd-1 but then later re-diagnosed as having did because the severity of their situation was very effectively hidden from them by this dissociation.

( another problem is that ppl are flawed and can give bad/wrong info on how stuff works or trends can give the wrong impression and unfortunately that's very common w did/osdd-1 spaces online. e.g. u don't have to know the name, age, etc. or know who's "fronting" or whatever with elaborate tagging systems and pages on ur blog with said info abt ur parts or "alters" to have did/osdd-1. worrying abt that stuff too much can worsen dissociation. )

it's not common for someone to have did/osdd-1 and for it to be obvious to themselves or others (who don't know what to look for, that is). this is why no small number of folks with did/osdd-1 are seemingly well-functioning on the outside since different dissociated parts often serve "everyday life" purposes such as going to work/school and these parts are the ones disconnected from traumatic "materials" as they're called. part of the reason why i'm wanting to conceptualize my experiences as osdd-1 is due to the fact that my default state (the "host"?) is emotionally dissociated from my trauma - i know it happened, but it seemed like it happened to "this body" rather than "me" and i don't feel anything about it until i get triggered. "apparently normal parts" that handle everyday life are usually trauma-avoidant or separated from the trauma like this in some way.

that being said, i'm still not totally sure if i qualify for an osdd-1 diagnosis or not tbqh. my situation is most like the "some individuals with OSDD-1 lack both amnesia and highly distinct parts" mentioned in the page i above linked (but yesterday and this morning/afternoon i was convinced i did - go figure). i'd been researching did/osdd-1 for a while (not necessarily because i thought it was what i was experiencing) which is part of what helped me come to terms with having experienced dissociation for a long time, and i thought up until like...the other day i definitely didn't have it. i came to believe i had some weird bpd/cptsd/szpd-like situation where emotional states had been "locked away" in boxes that i rarely touched as a defense mechanism against psychological distress. i also had a metaphor for my "emotional part(s)" as it/them being like, (a) ghost(s) that follow me around and aren't evil but occasionally "wrap their hands around my throat" to remind me that they're there.

then i saw someone w an osdd-1 diagnosis talk abt how they have parts whose "job" is to "feel sadness for them" as a defense mechanism against that kinda distress and then i was like...huh. and then i thought about how seeing my parents again felt kinda weird and distant. and that's kinda what tipped me off, despite having a pretty unstable sense of self and dissociation issues for a while. the "seeing my parents" thing is somewhat more major, because it felt different from my "default setting." thinking about it is uncomfortable and weird.

ur gonna have to do a lot of reading, tbh, and doing it in moderation is probably a good idea since thinking too much abt dissociation can trigger it. another thing is that conceptualizing yourself as having did/osdd-1 when you don't actually have that experience can worsen dissociation/identity issues as well so u gotta be careful abt how u approach it. but at the same time, cptsd and did/osdd-1 have mostly the same treatment methods anyway (and technically u gotta have cptsd to have did/osdd-1, not as like a diagnostic requirement really but a "you have to be traumatized from long-term traumatic experiences at a young age" sense) so many resources abt did/osdd-1 may be helpful to u regardless of whether you "have" them or not.

i can't tell u how to differentiate between symptoms of psychosis and did/osdd-1 (the blog i mentioned may have posts about that topic - there's two in their master-posts but neither were particularly helpful i don't think) since afaik i'm not psychotic but i wish you luck!

[yomiurinikei]

Do you have any takes on Utsuro? Can be headcanons or general thoughts... I like hearing what people have to say about him.

here!! a mix of both. check out my utsuro tag bc - i have some posts u may like feat. possible utsuro development in a post abt kinjomae + a post with what i think his childhood was like!!! also a reminder that these are all just my takes and 90% of the time i've discussed them before and i'm not including all i've said on this subject in this post, also i have pretty solid reasons as to why u shouldn't repost/vague me based off this post in one of my extra pages :D

so for some more thoughts on him, feat. no i am not self projecting!

1) utsuro 🤝 hibiki

both are shown in two extremely different states of mind with different personalities and amnesia between the two identities, feat. one being unaware of the others existence, and a change in identity can be caused when one identity is reminded of a traumatic memory,,,

i'm not saying utsuro with did but utsuro with did rights

2) yea the did thing is probably bc all i do is go "actually this character has did but still - utsuro probably has some sort of dissociative disorder/condition

at the very least, he has some sort of issue with chronic dissociation, if we stick with all canon explanations, possibly depersonalization/derealization disorder? this would explain how generally detached and unresponsive he is.

akane: hey utsuro i know we're both in a really bad place emotionally/mentally but i really need some form of help/comfort rn if u can

utsuro, literally Not Here™️: .........huh...

akane: wow thanks <3

3) or utsuro to really like. get redeemed, beyond general redemption needs/in order to get to a place mentally where he can make those steps for redemption, he's really gonna need therapy, and i feel like if he had gotten that help, he actually really could've grown

utsuro was just another traumatized, suicidal teen who somehow got manipulated into working for junko. it doesn't excuse what he's done, but it does mean he has more of a shot at redemption. he mistreated akane, yes, but isn't that a result of his general emotional detachment? and since his emotional detachment was a result of trauma, it's really just that utsuro was too traumatized to help her emotionally.

akane was searching for support in a person who helped her, but he wasn't able to provide it. it's neither of their faults, and akane was clearly damaged by that + utsuro likely was too. i don't wanna go full on analysis here, but if anyone sends in another ask, i,, kinda want to. anyways - utsuro shouldn't be held at fault for not offering emotional support he never said he could provide. he should be held accountable for his actions, and encouraged to grow and change. what he needs in order to do that is therapy, and a support system that isn't there for him bc of his luck, but because they care about him.

anyways! i have more thoughts but i'm just gonna go do some headcanons now!

~*~

•really likes dogs. he doesn't mind any animal, but especially likes dogs. would do really well with a service one - theyre vv grounding to him

•"are you there god? it's me, god" -utsuro, the one time he tries turning to religion to cope

•has probably accidentally inspired a cult

•he's got very obscure book knowledge??

•used to just. sit in libraries and read everything he could bc his luck wouldn't just magically make him predict the ending if he didn't want it to, so he'd just keep showing up at the same library until he'd read every book they had

•also. a lot of libraries are probably vv nice for a homeless kid, even if utsuro does have a divine luck, it's just a place that's available to him even without his luck, so he could pretend to b normal

•the result tho: he read all the classics that are carried in most libraries very early on.

•!! utsuro also likes choose ur own adventure games for a similar reason

•in the real world, he'll automatically get whatever goal they're working towards, the person he's crushing on will like him back, etc

•but in games? his luck can't change the code, he actually has to work and be sure he makes the right decision for everyone, which is nice

•he does Not understand how all of these people he accidentally helps keep finishing him

•like he finds forums that's just tons of people talking abt miracles happening to them and seeing utsuro and he's just "???"

•he hears abt someone saying he saved them from a burning orphanage and he's vv confused because "oh... i.... might remember that??? like being in some building,,, i think i was meant to stay the night there and it caught on fire maybe?????? but 90% of it collapsed, only the area i was in didnt crumble, i think i would've noticed someone else there"

•also. who just decided to talk abt seeing a ten year old kid when some terrible misfortune was narrowly avoided and how did it turn into a thing. like who was reading that story and went "oh i went through something just like that!!"

•he is very confused and doesn't remember 60% of what's being brought up here, and the other 35% he only vaguely thinks might've happened

•utsuro exits the forum page, goes off along his day, and then just forgets all about it.